#people expect you to apologize for what you became in order to survive

[1-800-whatwouldbillydo]

The Animal Doesn’t Fall Far From the Tree (an original poem)

//Tagslist open//

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[absolutelynotararr]

ANOTHER LITTLE WOLF 2: EPIC RETURN

Part 1 DUDE I REMEMBERED HOW TO MAKE LINKS LIKE THIS HAHAHAAAA

• Clamalycus constantly bites Antinous when he angers him, cause that is the little he can do to respond to him, as the younger, weaker one. But besides that, he could also hit him on the leg, below the knee (dishonest tricks of low people , boo-ga-ga)

• Somehow Clamalycus became friends with Telemachus, and it was surprising and strange for everyone, cause these boys are very, very different. Telemachus didn't cry so much, was kinder, not hot-tempered and even shy, until Clamalycus was just the opposite of his friend. Little Tele tried for a long time to prove to Clam that there is good in the world, that you can’t get a knife in the side from it when you least expect it, and that being kind will always reward you somehow. But they had very different upbringings!

Imagine Clam's upbringing as being taken out to sea in a boat without being able to swim, and then thrown overboard. And he had to survive on his own, learn to swim, while his father and brother told him that he would have to achieve everything on his own and that even the closest people couldn't be trusted, cause this cruel world doesn't give out presents just for being good. And this example extended to his entire upbringing, while Penelope acted completely differently, teaching her son not everything at once, not putting pressure on him, and especially not instilling such aggression as the Clamalycus' family did

• But despite the fact that they managed to be friends, and for quite a long time and well, the father and Antinous couldn't help but take advantage of this. They pressured him to eventually steal something from the palace while he spent time with Telemachus. And he had to do this in order not to experience the real wrath of his brother and Eupeithes. He obviously stole something small, but Telemachus clearly noticed it

• And Telemachus didn't tell the adults about it, but he talked about it very seriously with Clamalycus. And as a result, they had a big fight. Like: "You stole from us! And I trusted you!", "As if something had been lost from you! Just some useless shiny thing! All you royal rich people are the same!", "So that's what you thought of me all this time?!" and so on...

• Yes, they stopped communicating for a while. But then Telemachus made attempts to make peace with his friend at the cliff where they usually played. He brought Clam food that he was usually forbidden to eat at home (he didn't know why and refused this food in every possible way when Tele persuaded him to eat with him). And they seemed to have almost made peace, Clamalycus accepted the treat with great joy and ate it right away, but... then he began to choke. He was choking. He was choking, and he didn't notice how he was leaning over the edge. And Telemachus didn’t manage to save him. And worse yet...

• His childish brain, having experienced such a shock, simply blocked this memory. *Click*, and as if before his eyes his best friend didn't suffer from suffocation from an allergy from the offered treat, didn't die, having broken himself, falling from a high cliff. For the rest of his life, he thought that everyone simply found out about the theft and Clam was expelled from the kingdom, or that he simply didn't want to have anything in common with Telemachus, and so didn't apologize for his words and forgot him. And Tele forgot him too...

Now do u understand that "The younger brother was essentially supposed to be the same age as Telemachus"? :) was essentially supposed to be :))

@gareleia: So, how many LW references do you want in posts about this au?

me: Y E S

[carica-ficus]

Review: Lapvona

Author: Ottessa Moshfegh

Date: 20/11/2013

Ocjena: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

________________________________________________________

My expectations for the national book fair were quite low. Truthfully, the prices had been way too high in the recent years to be considered fair (feel free to chuckle at my bad pun), so I thought I wouldn't be able to find anything worth spending money on. But then I came across "Lapvona", a novel I've heard good things about and which seemed to be right up my alley. I presumed none of our publishers had it in store, so I was pleasantly surprised when I noticed it on one of the stalls and decided to purchase it immediately.

This text of this post turned out to be quite extensive and is more of an analysis, than a review, so I apologize if it doesn't turn out to be what you're looking for. I also do have to to warn that I mention a few spoilers, and a major one at that (regarding Agata's backstory), so I advise you skip this post in case you're not comfortable reading through them. And now, without further ado, my opinion on this novel:

"Lapvona" is a relatively short historical fiction novel which could loosely fit under the definition of folk horror. It features a story about a crippled boy, Marek, and his father, Jude, who live as shepherds in a village called Lapvona. Their life is hard and merciless, but they revel in their pain in order to please God, hoping that their suffering would earn them a place in heaven. Above Lapvona, in a big, beautiful mansion, lives their lord, Viliam, who spends his days engulfed in luxury, toying around with Father Barnabas, the local priest. In a long chain of events, Viliam adopts Marek as a replacement for his dead son, so the poor shepherd boy is suddenly thrown into the life of royalty.

The whole plot is a lot more convoluted, including a number of other important characters and themes, but it mostly revolves around the roles of family, community, survival, and women through the eyes of religion. "Lapvona" is, in its core, a genius and raw commentary on the interpretation of religious beliefs by people of different backgrounds. While it focuses on Christianity, it only uses it as a means to illustrate the many flaws religious worshiping ensues when it is enforced by people who use it to justify their flaws and sins. It is not religion itself that is evil, it is the person that abuses its beliefs.

Marek is an interesting choice as a main character, demonstrating a person, a believer, who fears God only because that is what he was taught to do while growing up. He sees his father as an icon of greatness, thinking of him as highly as he does God himself, but in truth, Marek holds little regard for religion. He punishes himself, makes himself small, and takes on a very pathetic personality because he thinks this is what an obedient Christian does. This in turn makes his motivation flawed, and, therefore, his actions crude and pointless. His true colors became apparent only when he starts living with Viliam, hoping that others will take pity on him and award him with their attention. He becomes angry when he doesn't achieve what he wants, slowly leaving his false persona and allowing the reader to finally see him as he truly is.

Moshfegh hides his demeanor very subtly, revealing it slowly later on throughout the book. This deceitful approach is quite cunning because it perfectly illustrates how difficult it is to see through Marek's lies, to himself and to others. It is his selfishness which betrays him. He is a motherless child who has never been loved and who constantly asks for attention of men, and for affection of women. While his needs seem to appear reasonable, he acts upon them with intense greed. He thinks of himself as deserving because he has obediently followed the rules of God and suffered like a true believer. He endures pain in order to receive a reward for it.

On the other hand, Marek is only human. He is a child who has never known love and searches for it in every person he encounters. This begs the question - who are we, a simple reader, to judge him? And why do we still do it throughout the novel? Moshfegh mentions multiple times that God truly doesn't care about the events in Lapvona, otherwise he would intervene with His divine power when people ask Him for help. The Christian God in the novel is portrayed as passive, a simple symbol of worship humans pray to. All the religious instructions come from false prophets who claim to know the word of God, like Father Barnabas who is portrayed as a fraud. He is a man who never truly listened to his lessons in theology. He takes advantage of the fearful peasants in order to turn a profit and to keep a high position in society, but other than that, he doesn't know much about the religion he preaches. Father Barnabas is, in fact, a metaphor for each person that dares to inflict judgment onto religious worshipers even though they themselves do not necessarily understand the very core of their religion's beliefs. Therefore, just like Father Barnabas, the reader truly has no right to judge Marek, for it is not up to them to do it.

Another theme very prevalent throughout the novel is the position of women in religion. Agata, Marek's mother, is portrayed as a girl who has been molested throughout her whole life - forced to mother a child born from incest, enslaved by Jude as his wife, then abused in the nunnery to which she escapes after giving birth. Her tongue has been cut of, so she doesn't even have the chance to speak up for herself. The lack of the ability to speak functions as a metaphor for the inability to fight against her oppressors. She is younger and weaker than her abusers, so her voice could have been the only weapon she could've successfully used against them, but it has been taken away by force. Agata has no power against what other people throw at her. Men constantly use her for her body, for their gain, so much so that she has simply accepted this as her reality.

The crimes of her abusers are rationalized through their religion. Jude molests her because he believes it is his right to do so. He thinks of himself as a good Christian man who deserves a wife because he follows the rules of the Bible, so he takes Agata when he pleases, justifying his devious behavior as the will of God. When Agata gives birth to Marek and runs off to the nunnery, the nuns assume she left her newborn because it was conceived under, to them, unacceptable circumstances. Agata is unable to tell them what really happened, but even if she could, would it even matter to them? Agata had been sexually involved with her brother and had laid with a man before marriage. The nuns see her as a sinner, regardless of her lack of consent during the act. Therefore, Agata has spent all her life learning that none of her desires, wishes, or opinions matter in the eye of God. In the end, her inability to speak doesn't even matter because others wouldn't even have the will to listen to her.

My only issue with the novel was that it lacks any real plot. The story consists of piled up of continuous situations stacked after one another, and the only real plot points are Marek's violent outburst against Viliam's son and Agata's escape from the nunnery. On the other hand, this is what makes the novel so realistic - life is, at the end of the day, mostly just an endless chain of monotonous events, so I do understand why it was necessary to write it as such for the purpose of its message.

"Lapvona" is a cruel, but superb commentary on religion and its exploitation for the purpose of controlling society. Moshfegh doesn't hold back in disgusting imagery of violence and has a distinct ability to masterfully portray the worst humanity has to offer. This novel is heavy and disgusting, in the best sense of these words. I wouldn't recommend it to people with a weak stomach, but I do recommend it to those in search for a future classic.

[moonieshinesims]

Generation One - Chapter Twenty Nine

Sim Alpha Sigma inducts their new members, and River finally hears back about the internship, but not in the way that she expects to...! Now she has a bit more to stress about, more so than just joining a family of criminals as an intern.

The Sim Alpha Sigma induction happened a week unfortunately after Cassandra's departure. As president of the sorority, Bella had hand-picked the new inductees herself. Since she and Fig were the only senior members left, they were not allowed to take on anymore littles. Therefore the four new girls were split up between Havarti and River.

Daphne, a dance student, and Hana, a social media influencer and IT student became Havarti's littles. While Elena, a student of sports medicine, and Sigrid, a botany student became River's littles.

The girls spent a few weeks getting to know one another very well.

But about a week before the holidays, River received an email about her application to the Arakawa Family Internship...!

River tried her best to fill Elena in on the internship, what the family pretended it was, despite it being a front for criminal activities, and how she was connected to all of it.

"...Damn, I can't believe you had to deal with a situation like that... And that you survived it too! I'm really impressed!"

"Well, thank you." River blushed, she still felt a little weird talking about it since the whole kidnapping situation hadn't been brought up to someone new in a while.

She looked back to the email and read through it in detail.

"What is it...?" Fig sat up sleepily. Clearly she'd been paying attention, but had been quiet the whole time.

"A representative from the internship wants to meet me this weekend in town to discuss details about the responsibilities of the job... off the table. This seems kinda shady, but I'm really interested!"

"Considering what happened to you before... Shouldn't you be more hesitant to go off in secluded places with strange men?"

"Well, no. I've got you girls to watch after me of course!"

Elena and Fig exchanged glances, "You want us to spy on your meeting?"

"Of course! You're my sisters! You will do it for me, right?"

With a sigh Elena nodded, and Fig flopped back down onto her pillow.

"I guess..."

That weekend River sat at the bar and ordered a drink. Elena, Fig, and Sigrid were off in a corner being discreet. River had exchanged numbers with the mysterious "representative" named Damien.

A couple minutes after their meeting time, River received a text from him.

River made a discreet nod towards the outside at her friends and headed out there to meet with the internship's rep.

"I apologize for being a little late." Damien said as he sat down at the bar. "I got lost trying to find this place, which is funny, because I'm the one that picked it!"

River laughed nervously.

"So anyways, let's get down to business. What exactly do you know about the internship?"

River detailed Damien on all the legal details she knew about Arakawa Masumi and his business internship.

"So where do you think I fit in with all of that...?" Damien smirked. This was clearly a trick question.

River had no idea how to answer, so she stared at him blankly, starting to sweat.

"I'm not actually a real rep from the internship, but I do have a connection to them. Or well, my people do, that is. You see, I work for the National Investigative Team of Criminal Activity, or NITCA for short. I know that you know that the Arakawas are criminals."

"We can guarantee you acceptance into the internship, but you have to agree to gather information for us while you're in Mt. Komorebi in order to be accepted."

River was speechless! She picked up her drink nervously and gulped half of it down.

She technically wanted to spy on the Arakawas for her own gain, but only to find Ichiban again... And potentially gain information on 13G and Rohan's involvement with her previous kidnapping... But to spy for the government? What did this mean for her and Ichiban?

"We've been keeping an eye on you ever since a member of the Arakawa Simkuza family saved you from Joe Goldberg. We have reason to believe he had contacts in a rival gang of the Arakawas. Getting information on both gangs would be very beneficial to national security."

"13G..." River whispered.

"Did you just say 13G? I'm surprised you know about them, they're far more secretive than any of the families in Mt. Komorebi. I suppose it's because their not exactly Simkuza. While the Arakawas are still dangerous, at least you have friendly connections there. 13G on the other hand are really bad news. Either way, we want information on both of them and we want you to do it."

River felt her heart racing. She couldn't believe she had agreed to this!

"I'm really looking forward to this," she reached for Damien's hand and shook it vigorously, "When do we get started with everything?"

"Oh! I'd say we start now." He pulled out an envelope from the briefcase he brought with him and handed it over to River, "Start getting into shape. You leave out for Mt. Komorebi the first week of next year, so you've only got two and a half more months to prepare! The stronger you are, the better. Get yourself a gym membership, get a Simlingo membership and learn some Komorebigo, and I'll get started on your paperwork! You'll hear from me again soon!"

Damien nodded his goodbye to her and left the bar. River was left sitting silently, her mouth hanging open slightly. Elena, Fig, and Sigrid approached once they knew Damien was gone.

"So what happened? Was he legit? What did he say?"

"I... I guess I'll be leaving for Mt. Komorebi at the beginning of the year!"

[global-ethichive-network]

Hello, everyone - this is Ethen.

I must apologize for the distinct silence since my last post. As you've probably already seen, I haven't been particularly well within the past week - before or after what I attempted to do.

Conquering one's fear isn't always the easiest thing to do - even if that fear is one that should have been left behind as time continued to pass.

Despite what many outside of our order have assumed, I haven't had the greatest life growing up, even long after I thought I had moved on from something so traumatic in my earlier years - it isn't exactly something I'm particularly open about, as is the rest of my history. I've experienced much more than one person could handle on their own, which is why my mental state in this extraordinary series of events has been constantly... fading.

I can't handle loss - it's an extremely personal gripe that's tugged at me since childhood, and despite being able to talk about it before to select few, I don't think I could ever do it again on a larger scale like I tried to do just a while ago. It's not to say that I'm afraid that people would think I'm just making excuses or that I need to toughen up - it's not the first time I've been told that, believe me. Even our own members have tried to have that talk in a way that's more... constructive? Supportive? Either way, that's not why I don't talk about the worst days of my childhood.

I prefer to look at the positives - what made it worth living, as those were the days that kept me going and why I've always striven to be better. Before the world became what it is now, it was easier to look at all of my past in that light - easily able to recognize how all the bad that ever happened was just a small fraction that overshadowed everything else. But now? With all the suffering that people are barely able to overcome, it makes looking back on all the good feel... selfish. A reminder of how everyone's lives - whether good or bad, were completely flipped around by something far worse. Where we are and stand looks like heaven compared to the cold, bitter world that everyone else has to sit through with each passing day - and while I've tried to show my sympathies... there's nothing I have that could ever compare to that, and those that constantly berate us with death threats, pleads for help, or even their lives ending in an instant... it just adds on to the overbearing weight that we all have to bear here.

It's why I tried to initiate that recreated experience all those months back - before another troubling predicament fell upon our laps. There are people in this new world that are out on their own - lost and alone without their families and friends to help them through the chaos. I tried to reach out to them with it - showing that even we had so much on our hands when the Quake had struck. I knew people couldn't bear to sit without answers as to why our silence was so prevalent, but that's because it's still something we can't risk telling the full details behind. We thought that by finding the deeper answers to that situation, we could understand what was at stake... and we certainly did. But the final piece was something I simply couldn't open after the Outsider had cracked it's code.

That should have been the sign. More pain isn't something people need when trying their best to survive in the world... if they want answers, they expect it to be told. So... sometime tomorrow, my truth will be brought out.

But in the meantime - I will leave you with the circumstances that came on that world-shaking day.

After the first waves of tremors and earthquakes is when I noticed the encrypted file under my name on the Ethichive. I passed through it's defenses - but unlike everyone else with an encrypted entry, what I received was far more impossible...

It was an audio file - or at least, it appeared to be, as a voice on the other side spoke directly to me... and only continued to do so with my every word, like it were a call. Just from the method of communication alone, I had every reason to believe it was from our loathsome adversary... but this was a new voice, and his intentions were anything but hostile.

He spoke of the events that were just happening, as if he had more information or means of detecting what was happening to the world. I hoped he could have been of better help to us - maybe something that would lead us in the right direction, but apparently he was just as out of the loop as we all were - despite how much he knew of us.

And especially how much he knew of me.

I didn't know anything of this man's identity, but it was clear this wasn't any ordinary follower, member - hell, even likely not as ordinary of a person as we were... but given where we all came from, it wasn't hard for me to understand who or even what he was. And that alone was enough to tell me what was at stake when he told me;

"The Storm is subsiding. And a new Storm is coming."

I was scared - terrified, even, because I knew one thing for certain... we had to prepare for the end of the beginning.

It's only a matter of time before the next Calm, whatever it may be.

[laputaindefrenchgirl]

back to my future.

I wrote this in 2016 : I don’t want to apologize. 

I try this thing, you know, where you just try to not expect anything from anyone. Let’s face it, when you come to some point, it’s complete bullshit.

I shouldn’t apologize.

I’m fierce, and I love myself (oh, my bad!), but when it comes to my social relationships (meaning out of my relatives ones), they call me mature, respectful, and thoughtful even. I’m not the best, for sure. But I’ve come a long way, and I had my lots of disappointments, so why the hell should I tame myself ; my fire, my light, my inner strength. Why should I go in this dark corner as you please, and suffocate inside?

I can’t apologize.

Life taught me many, many things, and what comes out of it is that you got to set the world on fire, no matter what. I haven’t been there and suffered from unfair stupid people to just stand in some bloody corner, and not let myself be heard.

This is not okay. But I’m listening, always do, and even if I didn’t nod hearing your reasons, I still heard them. I’m completely thrown off by your stupidity and I can’t agree, but I hear you.

I should apologize. 

Because it seems that I’m strong and you’re weak, and you don’t have my iron will. Yeah, I really should say that I’m sorry. I know I can hold a grudge like no one, and that’s maybe the most stupid thing in all of this.

And I wrote this today, in 2023 : holy fucking shit. 

I was seriously guilty tripping myself over someone (I can only guess who it was because I do not remember properly). It was a period of time where I graduated from a school full of bullies, I was starting therapy, and working on a relationship which I thought could be repaired.

Probably the main thing that changed, that evolved was that I know that I will never, ever tame myself for anyone. No questions, no wonders, period. Some growth happened, but not in the way it was expected. I held myself in my own arms and just understood that it is alright to be sensitive, to have a depth of feelings wider that I ever thought I could be capable of. I dove into my own watery self, and almost a decade later, it made me shine even harder. 

Because I tried to give myself more room to explore, understand bits of myself which were not encouraged or seen, not even by I, it gave me a sort of gentleness. I sincerely wasn’t aware that I could be kind. 

And I still wouldn’t say that I’m kind as a main trait of my character, but I know that I can be when I want to. It feels stupid to write this but how true it is. How naive and childish and arrogant I can be. How demanding am I of my own soul. 

Around 2018, I tried to shush myself. It became too much inside, a toxic pressure building for years, and I was like, “let’s try to not shine, not speak about yourself, to not be loud about what you want”. What a mistake. Maybe though, this one was needed. For four months, I held this behavior to please, have peace, not receive remarks. Guess what? I was still depicted as the bad guy, and verbally abused by some. I was in such pain, and inside, I became wild, like a wounded animal, doing what it would have to do in order to survive. For the first time in my life, I was reaching one of my limit. This is how I knew this road wasn’t for me. And I tried, you know. I guess I’m not a people pleaser, and neither good at pretending shit.

This is how I realized that I was not meant for what anyone would EVER expect of me, not even my owns tricky expectations. I am a sort of messy magnet for light and gratitude, yet I burn, selfish as it may be, and I’m not here to apologize for any of this. I’m a force and I’m fragile. This works both ways.

Although, let’s face it, do I still hold grudges like a fucking pro? Absolutely.

I would even dare to say that I’m against forgiveness, and I know, it sounds silly, immature, ruthless. This is where I am today and I’m not going against this feeling because fuck you, babe. I don’t have to justify this at all. I think just most people forget that maybe, people who hurt like I did and keep on holding grudges are probably the most sensitive people of all. If not, then I’m just a dumb bitch and that’s okay too.

Back to the main meal, don’t carry too much guilt over your shoulders. Keep your stamina to carry better things such as love, empathy and some badassery. Not all villains wear cloaks, some might wear their heart on their sleeves as well. 

“It takes guts be to gentle and kind.” The Smiths

-Audrey

[theofficersacademy]

Team Tag: #KEBattlefield2023

WEEK 3: Winter, I welcome you.

The events following the sacking of Sparagmos are a wintry blur, marked with the onset of a terrible blizzard. It will come first as ice, then snow that will smother and suffocate the city. Leaving is necessary, but not favored among the ranks. Impossible, the higher ups insist. No one can survive a blizzard as nasty as that one. It was best to stay here. Stay where it is warm and safe, surrounded by citizens that wish to tear you limb from limb.

There will be no battles for a long, long time. Where does that leave you, a soldier? 

What use are you outside of war? Yes, you build, but only so that others can destroy. Again, what is your purpose now?

You might realize that these aren’t pleasant thoughts to entertain. Orders come in from the higher-ups, people that seek to make use of you and your skills. Perhaps you can find peace in that, in their leadership.

(Their leadership? Are they your leaders?)

(Have you found your allies? No, not them, the ones you were searching for.)

(From war to peace to war again…)

—

What isn’t blanketed by ice and snow is entangled in a web of hard ivory roots, twisting around ruined buildings and forming a small cavern.

At the end is a cabin in disarray, Kent among the wreckage.

The old woman from the camp is here, still bound to the ivory tree. She kneels over the knight, pressing her forehead against his, murmuring something under her breath. Prayers. And apologies.

Dream Logic

Your side won. Unfortunately for you, you are beginning to regain your sense of place and time, where you are. The dream does not bother justifying your thoughts anymore.

You were here for… who again? Your allies, but you can’t recognize them among your allies. Who is real, who is fake? Who are you looking for?

The city no longer holds the glittering beauty it once did. Against the stark snow and pale sky, every stone looks washed out and worn. Whatever damage you’ve done, it is now your responsibility to fix.

No one is allowed out of the city, for their own safety. The gates in and out of the city, the ones used to flood this place with soldiers, are now heavily guarded with no way to get around them. The door in the cabin is your last hope, but it is also a point of no return, for better or worse.

The old woman is expecting Anankos and Edward. Now, she is willing to talk.

Kent is alive! He lays on the hard, uneven floor, and sore muscles are in his future. He starts this week with 2/10HP and the KO Status: cannot receive materials from threads. He can hear the woman clearly as she murmurs a string of words in a foreign language. In his hands, he holds a clumsily-made doll. Receive Doll x1, and Disheveled Woman is available to talk.

Places of Interest

The cabin: A cabin filled with memories. A friend used to live here, but they lost their lives in this recent battle. Their family became your own, but no one could bear to stay in this house. To be here is to be imprisoned by grief and regret.

Goal

Settle in for the long winter.

Search for the knights and escape the city.

Sparagmos was defeated so utterly that not everything that you made was used. Half of what you crafted for last week’s goal is still unused, and you are ordered to store it in a secure location.

If you truly intend to leave, you must pass the point of no return. Ready yourselves.

Warning: In the upcoming dungeon, you will be taking continuous damage. Please keep this in mind as you decide what you will craft and how you will use your team’s heals.

Tasks

Public executions are difficult to prepare for and difficult to clean up. The prince and his allies will go out as nobly as they can, but they will die all the same. The higher ups state that going through the trouble of creating a guillotine for the executions will be worth the message it sends, and the structure that will display their corpses even more so. An example will be sent. Assert your victory.

Grants 4d4 Wood per post.

Winter has officially set in, and there isn’t a speck of green to be seen in the city. Your commanding officers tell you to make do with what is available in the city, everything that is available. If the citizens are hoarding herbs in their cupboards, you have the commander’s full permission to confiscate them for your own use.

Grants 1d3 Herbs per post.

Ironically, the tactics you used to destroy the warehouse on the city outskirts makes a return here, as “freedom fighters” native to Sparagmos infiltrate your captured Chalkos stores and cause an explosion. A number of your allies have died, familiar faces among them. When rumors of a planned second attack reaches you, the commanding officer gives you a chance to take revenge however you’d like.

Grants 3d3 Chalkos per post, 1d10 chance of obtaining Orichalcum.

The cabin is in a sorry state. It is what brings the disheveled woman to turn her sad eyes on you and speak her first words: “I wish I could fix this.” The walls are worn and the furniture is rotting, but this can be fixed. The ivory tree happens to provide a fine structure for you to work on.

Grants 5d3 Stone.

[ms-swiftmalfoy]

AFFECTION

Good Morning babes! This is the first story I’ver publish and since my heart is softer than butter, it could only be a fluffy. I’d like to add English isn’t my first language so I apologize for any mistake left behind. Hope you like it!

..............................................................................................................................

For some Avengers, to express affection is not the easiest thing to do.

Natasha, for example, demonstrates her feelings by giving your hand a squeeze and a soft smile. Having been raised in the Red Room, fighting every second of her life only to survive, she didn’t really get the opportunity to create a lasting bond with someone until being recruited to SHIELD by Clint Barton, but that doesn’t mean she’s ignorant to other people’s feelings or unable to care. In fact, Natasha’s been the one who supported you the most when you joined the team. You were scared of not being good enough or let someone down but there she was, by your side, teaching you essential fight moves, how to speak Russian and always having your back on the field. A few weeks together later, the spy felt comfortable enough to give you hugs and share a blanket while watching a movie. You try your best to be for her what she’s been for you, and even if you or anyone else can’t see, Natasha is deeply grateful.

Clint, Bruce and Steve are very similar in demonstrating feelings in general. They’re not very comfortable with physical contact, however, are always available to offer a shoulder to cry on if necessary. It’s hard not to see them as father figures considering your other colleagues are Tony, sometimes Thor, and Loki. Clint was really reserved when you first met him, not very excited about a “kid” joining the team, but the moment you got injured he was rushing to grab the first aid kit and patch you up. Steve and Bruce are the ones who try to regulate Tony, it’s safe to say that the two of you together are the perfect recipe to explode a room, hurting yourselves in the process and still laugh about it. 

Tony and Thor, on the other hand, love to crush you into hugs, and you love to hug them back. Being the obsessed smartass he’s always been, Tony usually loses his sense of time and ends up awake for three whole days, these are the moments when you interfere and drags him by the shirt to bed, not before asking JARVIS to lock every door and window and forbid Tony to leave until he has had enough sleep. On the next day he’s never able to do anything due the zombie state he always finds himself in, but there isn't a time he doesn’t thank you with a cup of hot cocoa and a movie marathon. Thor, pretty much like Tony, is a sucker for hugs and never refuses one, crushing everyone into his arms after celebrations of victory. Battling alongside the God of Thunder was one hell of experience, especially considering you were almost stroked by one of his lightning bolts, after the incident you became friends almost instantly. 

And that leaves you with… Loki. You met the younger god a few weeks after the Battle of New York, when Thor brought him to Earth to serve his penalty on attacking the planet, and, needless to say, he was the rudest person you’ve ever met. The ego one hundred times bigger than Tony’s made it impossible for anyone to get close (not that your teammates were really engaged in making a conversation with him) and establish an at least civil relationship, of course the constant threats and curses were not exactly a warming welcome, so for a long time Loki remained alone. It started to bother you after a few weeks, after all, he was on Earth, powerless and surrounded by people who hate him, anyone in any universe wouldn’t feel less than a cornered cat. So you took action. Knowing he’s always the first to have breakfast in order to avoid everyone else, you came downstairs earlier than usual and, as expected, found him holding a bowl of fruits and a plate with toasts. He froze on your sight, genuinely surprised by your presence, but that didn’t stop you.

“Good morning, Loki” He didn’t answer, only looked at you for a few seconds and headed towards his room. 

…

You tried to make this a routine: sometimes you arrive in the kitchen earlier than Loki, sometimes he’s already there. For nine days you gave him a salute and didn’t receive any answers, so it was a surprise when, on the tenth day, he not only gave back your greeting, but also asked how you’d slept “I slept well, thank you. How ‘bout you?” This was the only conversation the two of you sustained for another two weeks. On day twenty-four you asked if he wanted some typical midgardian breakfast. With reservation, he accepted and ended up beyond satisfied, sweet pancakes with crispy bacon and seasoned eggs were indeed a delight.

Smooth conversation flowed between you easily. Loki is an intelligent and outstanding sorcerer and warrior with a dubious sense of humor, pretty much like Tony (he didn't talk to you for two days after this comparison) and desire for greatness, exactly what puts him in trouble so many times due the need to prove himself worthy of his kingdom, worthy of being a king, worthy of admiration, the same Thor naturally receives. You realized he’s not a bad person, of course what he did was terrible and he must pay for his mistakes, he is paying for them, but Loki is not evil. It’d be a lie to say that your heart hasn't gone softer, and of course Natasha was aware of that change, however she didn’t pressure you to open up even if her curiosity was evident. 

…

For almost three months Loki and you had breakfast together and shared a few moments on the rooftop whilst you listening to his tales of norse Gods and Goddess and the terrible pranks he played on Asgard, cutting Sif’s hair was the worse, and you sure let him know your opinion about that. It took a while, sure, but Loki felt comfortable in your presence, more than you know. Besides Frigga, no one really appreciated his magic skills and he was proud to be recognized as talented as the ones who swing swords and axes.

“I’d like to show you something. It’s a part of my existence I despise, however I don’t want to hide it from you. You’ve been nothing but kind and honest to me, so I want to give back the courtesy” You nod, waiting for him to continue. Suddenly the room cools down, a shiver goes from your neck to legs and, in front of you, Loki stands in his Jötun form. His skin is a glacial blue with a delicate pattern of waves spiraling on his face, arms and hands, and his eyes turned into a gorgeous crimson red similar to the shade of precious gemstones. He is as stunning as a renaissance sculpture, and that’s why you cannot stop questioning how someone despises such beauty “My biological father and mother were from Jötunheim, the Frost Giants realm” he explained. You were lost of words, still impressed by him, but Loki misunderstood that and, in a shine of green, shifted back to his Asgardian form “I am aware it’s a repulsive sigh, but you deserve to know why your efforts of being gentle, although immensely appreciated, shouldn’t be wasted on me”

You wrap your arms strongly around Loki’s neck before he has the chance to finish. God, you want to kill Odin for making him doubt himself to the point of believing he’s not worthy of affection, of a simple act of caring. It takes a while until Loki comes to his senses and holds you tight against him, allowing his face to rest on your shoulder “Loki, you are gorgeous. Your jötun form is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in this world and I’m grateful you trust me enough to reveal that, but I beg you at the same time to not think, not even for a second, you are any level of repulsive or not worthy of being taken cared of” He doesn’t say a word but you can feel his face contract in a smile. And that’s all the answer you need. 

“Brother! How good to see you’re making friends around here!” at the sound of Thor’s resounding voice, Loki let you go and walked fast to his room, leaving a confused God behind and a worried human “I’m sorry, ma lady, did I say something wrong?”

“I don’t think so, Thor. But you may have made him uncomfortable” 

You didn’t see Loki for the rest of the day, he didn’t open his door when you knocked, which led you to believe he was somehow ashamed,  so the better option was to give him time with his emotions. 

…

It was two am when soft knocks on your door woke you up. First you thought it was a weird part of a dream, not wanting to leave the fuzzy and warm blanket you’re tucked under, but they kept still. You get up, clumsy, must add, and open the door only to meet Loki with a serious expression on his face “Loki, hey. Listen, I’m so sorry if I make it uncomfortable by hugging you. It was not my intention, I just…”

You were the one caught in surprise this time when Loki steps in your bedroom and wraps his arms around your torso. Well, maybe he’s not ashamed. Fastly you hug him back, letting your nose near his neck and breathing the scent of his perfume “I wasn’t ashamed. I could never be ashamed of you. What bothered me was that it was an intimate moment and my oaf of a brother intruded. I’m sorry if I let you think otherwise”

A minute passed. Two. Five when Loki let you go, putting you down on the floor carefully “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, ma lady, and hope we could repeat this moment as soon as possible” Leaving a kiss on your knuckles and a smug smile, Loki left. Well, this was a good surprise. When you tried to close the door, someone blocked the way with their foot, and judging by the slippers, you already know who is on the other side. Of course Natasha wouldn’t wait until morning.

[borhap-au]

A hidden motif. 

“Kick harder!” he screamed, snapping me out of my thoughts. I immediately began to push myself further, even though I was already exhausted from the hour-long training. Billy didn’t treat me leniently at all. He demanded a lot from me, honestly, I often felt like I was the only one who was pushed to the limits by him. The rest had it much easier with Billy. Now he held the punching bag, as I was repeatedly kicking it.

“They won’t go easy on you! When you fight, you fight for your life! They won’t care that you’re tired!” he continued, and I stopped myself from kicking him “by accident,” and just continued to kick the bag. I knew where he was coming from and he was right. My exhaustion wouldn’t matter on a mission, nobody would ask me how I felt and if I still had the strength to fight back. They would simply kill me, or imprison me, and since we’re talking about terrorists, I wasn’t sure which option would be worse. But today I had enough. I really only wanted to lay down in bed, in full clothing, and fall asleep. Nothing mattered, not even my empty stomach. I just wanted to close my eyes and drift off, but Billy continued to push.

“You wouldn’t knock a ninety year old grandma over with that kick!” he attacked my technique and honestly, at this point I had enough of him and his denouncing language. Whatever I did was wrong in his view, he never felt satisfied with me and what I was doing. So I stopped kicking, threw the boxing gloves on the mat and just exhaled loudly.

“And I wouldn’t want to! What a monster would want to hurt a grandma? Probably the same who wouldn’t give a girl who barely has the strength to stand on her feet a fucking break!” I shouted in his face and turned around. He quickly grabbed me by my wrist to stop me.

“Leave me alone,” I continued, but this time I wasn’t screaming. I was exhausted and the tone of my voice confirmed it. I felt resigned, mad, and disappointed in myself. I couldn’t understand why I could never, no matter what, meet his standards and expectations.

“I want to go drink some water,” I said and turned my head to look him in the eyes. His face was dangerously close to mine as he looked at me with a firm look on his face. He wanted to say something, probably tell me that the training session isn’t over until he says it’s over, but I didn’t allow him to speak. I didn’t feel like long speeches, I didn’t want to explain myself to him. My message was clear, short and quick.

“Go fuck yourself, Billy,” I said and took my hand away. He wasn’t holding me firmly, he wasn’t trying to hurt me, just wanted to stop me so that he could express his views to my face instead of my back, however, I didn’t allow for it. Not anymore, not today. Today was over, as far as I was concerned, and only my opinion mattered to me.

Billy was so surprised by what he’s heard, he didn’t even answer. I went across the room to the table and took one of the water bottles, then gulped down half of it. He looked at me without saying a word for a solid second.

“Alright, you had your drink, and you’ve thrown your tantrum, now we can get back to the training,” he insisted, but I only smiled ironically, took my things and left the room.

“Goodnight, Billy,” I said on my way out and didn’t stop to listen to what he wanted to say to me. As I promised my body, I went straight to bed, only gathering the little energy I had left to take my clothes off, so I didn’t sleep in my own sweat. I slept for a solid 12 hours after that. I had to get all of my strength back and frankly, sleeping helped a lot. However, I still felt sore, my whole body was screaming for a pill to ease the pain. I barely managed to finish taking a shower. I ate a big breakfast and grabbed a soda. I got out in front of my trailer, sat on an old couch, and just rested.

Meanwhile Billy was confronted by the rest of the team over his harsh methods. They saw me yesterday coming back to the trailer, but none of them dared to disturb me. They knew it wasn’t the first time Billy pushed me to check the limits. This time even he knew he went too far. So he came to me, asked if he could sat down on the couch, and when I refused, still mad from yesterday, he simply sat on the ground in front of me. The view was quite endearing.

“Listen… I wanted to apologize. I know I went too far yesterday… and on a few other occasions. I didn’t mean for you to suffer, I just wanted to make 100% sure that if there’s a need, you will be able to protect yourself. I didn’t want you to ever find yourself in a situation where the opponent is stronger and has more resilience than you,” his voice was surprisingly soft. He sounded sincere.

“I’m already capable of protecting myself well enough. Thank you very much,” I said ironically and still a little mad from yesterday. Every inch of my body reminded me of how he treated me.

“No, you don’t understand. I NEED you to be safe,” his words almost shocked me. I looked at him with disbelief. Did he really mean it, I wondered.

“Why would you want that so badly? You don’t seem to treat any other member of the team so roughly,” I reminded him. I was salty about it and had a good reason for it.

“Because I don’t care for any other member of the team as much as I care about you,” he explained, but I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t say anything.

“Listen…” he continued. “I… really like you. And that one time, when that guy kicked you off the boat… I thought I lost you. I couldn’t bear the thought, so when you survived, I promised myself I’ll make sure you’ll never find yourself in a hopeless situation like that ever again. I can’t allow it, this job is too risky.” I was astonished. Deep down, I actually believed he hated me. He acted as if he did, that’s for sure. But he did it all because he liked me? Because he was afraid I’d die?

“I’d actually prefer if you didn’t fight at all,” he added. “I’d take all the punches for you if you let me.” At this point he sounded crazy. What happened to the Billy I knew? I sighed quietly and made him some space on the couch. He made sure his trousers are clean and sat down with me, thanking me for allowing him to do that.

“What do you want from me, Billy?” I asked, unsure. I wasn’t sure of anything anymore, it was as if everything I knew up until this point just disappeared.

“Just be safe, that’s all,” he answered simply. I looked at him for a while.

“You told me you really like me and you’d take the punches for me and you expect me to just return to everyday life after this?” I asked with a little disbelief, since it was simply impossible.

“Well…” he looked as if he wanted to say more, but he just added: “I don’t know.” It clearly wasn’t enough. I slowly put my head on his shoulder. I was still mad and I was definitely planning to have a long talk about his behavior towards me and how many things needed changing moving forward. However, right now I had no strength, and he apologized for what he did, so I gave him a pass for today. We sat like that for a little longer, and neither of us said a word.

On the next training session, a few days later, when I already started feeling better, he was much more careful and lenient with me. He asked me how I felt several times and made sure I didn’t overwork myself. He gave me directions rather than orders and it really felt like I learnt much more from that approach.

Sometime later, I allowed him to ask me on a date. I never saw him so nervous and excited at the same time. We actually had surprisingly good time, so we had many more. He wasn’t rough or tough with me ever again. He explained in more detail how he only wanted me to be able to protect myself, and didn’t care if I hated him for it as long as I was safe. He was rather clumsy and awkward at times when it came to relationships, but it was rather sweet as well. So we continued dating, became official, and happened to be the best partners on the team, working together since that day on.

“Look out!” I screamed and Billy dodged a guy who I threw out of the boat to the water. He smiled and walked up to me, putting his arm around me.

“That was great. You look hot with all that power in your hands,” he commented with a smirk.

“You’re not going to tell me to go harder?” I asked and smirked as well.

“Not until we’re around other people, no,” he winked at me.

“You guys are disgusting,” we’ve heard One’s comment.

“Thank you,” I chuckled and Billy kissed my lips.

[undertaker1827]

Okay okay so I have a very specific request so I apologise if It doesn’t make complete sense!

Before the whole 10th birthday thing, O!Ciel was in an arranged engagement to the reader, just like R!Ciel with Lizzy. After O!Ciel comes back posing as his brother, he gets back in contact with the reader as they were pretty close with both of the twins when they were younger. So, R!Ciel comes back and O!Ciel is forced to tell the truth to the reader, who still loves him after thinking he was dead all this time and they have a lot of mixed emotions? Like, I’m glad you’re alive and everything but was I that bad of a fiancée that you would rather marry your brother’s future wife instead? How would O!Ciel try to comfort the reader?

I hope this makes sense! If not, feel free to ignore. I love your work and can’t wait to see more from you! 🖤🖤

Absolutely makes sense and thank you! Hope you enjoy!!

❗️Warnings; manga spoilers, talk of death/mourning

Masterlist

-

You were heartbroken when you heard the tragic news of the Phantomhive family, of your family. You went to see Lizzie almost immediately, eyes misty and mind unfocused with a numb feeling clouding your senses for the whole carriage journey. When you arrived at the Midford estate, neither you nor Lizzie needed to say a word before you ran to each other, simply embracing and crying silently for your collective loss. There were no words which could describe how each of you felt or the situation you had found yourselves in.

You felt unable to do much during that first week. It seemed as if your entire life had been ripped out from under you; not only your fiancé was gone, but his brother as well, and the people who were to become your parents in law. Vincent and Rachel already acted the part with you and Lizzie, always making you both feel so welcome and treating you as if you were their own. You mourned their loss almost as keenly as Ciel’s.

Lizzie became very close to you in the weeks that followed, often finding reasons to visit you even though there were none, and you found yourself doing the same with her. You had each become a rare constant in the other’s life, something to hold onto even when everything was crumbling beneath your feet. You shared tearful glances at the funeral, stood together for the procession and burial. Even the Undertaker’s expression was sombre while he did his part, a day you thought you would never live to see.

Then, just as quickly, everything spun around again. There was something to be happy for; Ciel had returned. Very unwell and somewhat smaller than anyone remembered him, but he was back. Which meant, and your heart ached for it, that there was a chance that your beloved had survived as well, but again your frail hope was crushed. Ciel was the one to tell you he had seen your fiancé, his dear brother, pass away in person, nothing he could do to stop it. You excused yourself shortly thereafter, and spent the rest of the day on and off in tears.

Lizzie, for all she was overjoyed of getting some part of her life back, spent even more time with you after Ciel’s return. She knew how keenly it must have hurt, that her beloved returned only to bring the news that yours could not, would not ever come back. She understood the pain you felt, and as such was there for you as often as you needed. She gave you a shoulder to cry on, an ear to rant at or work things through with. She helped you get your life back in order over the difficult few years that followed. Then, for the third time in your life, everything changed. And of all the people you expected not to lie to you, that you trusted to be honest with you, he was not among the list.

Ciel, your Ciel, looked as if he had seen a ghost when his brother waltzed down the manor’s staircase as if he had never left, Lizzie grief stricken and heartbroken as she returned to her true fiancé, having been lied to and fooled just as badly and for just as long as you. At least it wasn’t her Ciel’s fault, your bitter heart couldn’t help but force you to think, at least her fiancé hadn’t been lying to everyone for the last three years.

Barely a moment had passed since the confession when the police arrived and it quickly became clear that your Ciel would either have to go into hiding or face an undetermined amount of time in prison. You knew him well enough to at least know which choice he would make, and that left you with a choice of your own. Should you stay with Lizzie, try to salvage what little peace of mind you had retained, or give into the fact that even after everything, you still loved Ciel. You would always love Ciel and you realised then that here was no choice at all, not really. You recognised the ploy put on by the Phantomhive servants so that they could find out the plan for later on, and you slipped away with them before anyone else could notice your absence.

It was merely a few hours later that you met up with your Ciel once again, and you noted immediately that he was uncomfortable, nervous. But never one to put off the inevitable, he approached you and asked for a word first. The earl didn’t apologise directly, you hadn’t expected him to, but he did it in his own way. The apology was there in the way that he hesitated to take your hand, that he almost rushed to give you his reasoning for his actions, to explain why he didn’t see any other choice than to do what he did, or else risk losing his earldom and his future. To remain nothing more than the spare, seen as unfit to be able to run the estate and carry on the family tradition of dealing in the shadows of the underworld.

The deception still hurt, it had to, but you could at least understand your fiancé’s actions. It was later again when he admitted that he had hated lying to you, for all he was accomplished at doing it. That he had often considered trying to subtly let you know, in a way that wouldn’t threaten the entire plan. You felt a deep sorrow settle within your chest when he said he couldn’t think of a way to do both, and you thought that maybe, just maybe, the two of you would be able to come back from this.

[bakugohoex]

This may be a bit of a different request, and you may have already done this, but could I ask for Levi comforting a reader after a panic attack...I've had a rough few days and I always seem to have a worse panic attack after the first one... I adore your writing, and it always makes me feel a bit better! 💗

“look at me y/n, you’re with me, you’ll be okay”

pairing: levi ackerman x female reader

cw: mentions of violence, panic attack, language, fluff and comfort 

word count: 2100+

a/n: hi im so sorry this is coming out really late but thank you for the support and i hope you’re doing better, if you ever want to talk to my messages are always open for anything 

summary:  in which you have a panic attack after a long scouting mission and levi comes and comforts you

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist

Your hands trembled under the dim light that you carried, you could almost see the light shake but didn’t dare surpress the movement. You were an apart of the front line when on expeditions and had gone on your own squad mission, you were only the second in command. But then it had taken a lot more of a toll on you, outside the walls for longer than the normal one-day expeditions. The three days outside with those who had been in your squad.

But here you were on your single horse, the only light from you, your came up high. The only benefit of nightfall was how easily it was to get past unnoticed. You had seen titans around you fast asleep, being as quiet as you could.

Inside though, your heart raced, a shortness of breath came from you. You tried to steady it, you did, but you were alone ten minutes away from the walls. Ten minutes away from humanity, you wouldn’t be alone, you’d be protected. You’d be safe.

The flashes of blood scattered across the trees; you had been laughing with the squad a mere day ago. Now you had left there bodies, left them alone, your breathing hitched, hearing the light dim even more. The coldness swept past you, the faces of half-eaten comrades through your vision before the supressed tears fell down your face.

Your own left arm had been bandaged up; you remember the captain having bandaged you up. His grin wide at the sight of you both joking along beside a campfire. Then his face, the half-eaten face in front of you, there screams tormented your ears.

It filled your insides, screaming and shouts for help. They say that to die a scout was honourable, but you watched them die, watched them plea and bargain, it wasn’t honourable, it wasn’t dignified. It was torturous and pitiful. You tried to wipe your eyes but couldn’t, letting it seep down your face.

Seeing the wall rose, you dropped the waved the light with your last strength. Seeing the doors open, your horse trotted through, seeing men come up to you. “They’re inside.” Trost had housed the scouts for a while now and the men helping you down.

You had no words to them; you didn’t speak only taking your bandaged arm and going to where Erwin and the other captains were. The men who had helped asked where everybody else was, but you were silent, feeling nausea and the tears dripping into your sweat.

All the scouts were together all eating the same gruel it was every other day. The captains and commander sitting on their own table. You saw them, your face flushed and your breathing heavy, you had still been carrying the light, but at the sound of dropping it. The shattering caused the dead silence all eyes turning to you at the door.

Your blood covered fingers, the cut on your cheek, the tears and sweat dripping from your face. Your bandaged arm, your heavy breathing and trembling, it had become too much for you. You only joined to be with your friend, to make sure they would always be safe. But you watched them die, watched them scream and shout as the Titan bit into them, savouring them, you had broken the promise.

“Y/n.” Erwin spoke standing up, he began to walk past everybody, Hanje and Levi following.

You choked on your words but still spoke, “we…we got a…attacked and…and I was the only one who’s…survived.” On your final words the tears welled from your face, you breath quickening, you fell to the ground, your bloody hands up to your face. You sobbed out loud, breaking the silence, Levi came up to you walking past Erwin who was about to talk himself, he bent down to reach your fragile body.

You rocked back and forth, the screams filling your ears, all you could feel, could see was them being eaten. See how your captain had pushed you away from being eaten, you should’ve died, not him. Levi grabbed your shoulder bringing your body into his own, “look at me Y/n, you’re with me, you’ll be okay.”

“L…Levi.” You stuttered but didn’t meet his gaze.

His arms felt soft against your rough shell, going around your bloodied body, you felt sick to the stomach, continuing to rock back and forth with all the memories coming through you. He touched your face softly, a movement that you didn’t expect. He could almost feel your shaky breath hit his skin, he didn’t speak moving his thumb back and forth across your cheek.

He held you close, you could hear him whisper comforts into your ear, staying in his arms. It was comfort he had never given to you, the relationship with him being professional and even with your love for the man. He didn’t love you; this was friendship, this was his comforting a friend and you realised the only person you had left was Levi, the only person who you could call family was Levi.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” It was a question, it wasn’t a command it wasn’t an order, he wanted you to feel safe.

You nodded still trembling, your limbs trembled as you stood up, Levi grabbing your waist to let you lean against him. “Hanje go help.” Erwin ordered not knowing how to react, of course he knew death was always going to happen.

He knew you had experience with death before, but you’d be alone for who knows how long, you’d watched people who you called family die in front of you and worst of all. Worst of fucking all was the strongest soldier he had met became vulnerable in a matter of minutes.

“Commander Erwin we want to go help Y/n.” Eren and his group came up to the man, Erwin didn’t know what to say instead looking at the kids.

“She needs some time.” He spoke before following Hanje and Levi who kept you upright in their arms.

Levi ran a bath for you, you shivered under the coldness. Having only felt it as you stripped the clock off and were left in your bloody clothes, “I’ll go get you some new clothes.” Hanje spoke and you tried to thank her, but you couldn’t speak.

Memories filled through you, smiling at Levi and Hanje a couple days ago, how they gave the same don’t die comment. Your friends did, you had nobody, Levi turned around, an indication for you to strip, you did so and head the water splash as your body was in it. You didn’t care if he saw, nothing mattered anymore, if you let yourself go under the water, who cared.

The panic that had set in and you had stopped trembling as much, but still Levi saw you look outside. Look outside the walls, he knew you were thinking of the corpses that you had left alone. “Y/n.”

You turned to see him, he sat on the stool beside the bath. Grabbing your arm, he rubbed the dirt away, rubbed any blood that had situated on your body. “Levi, I couldn’t save them.” Your voice had become normal, but he could see the tears, see how you breath was still heavy and the faint look that captured your eyes.

“Don’t do this.” He moved to your face, your hair tied, his fingers moved to the cut, it wasn’t deep and would scar over but it was filled with mud and soot. He rubbed it gently, your eyes on his, watching every single thing he did.

“It should’ve been me.” Levi let go of your face glaring at you.

He wasn’t calm anymore, he felt for you of course he did but the words that would come out of his mouth would be a reality check, “no, I’m grateful that you survived because if you died, if you fucking died Y/n, I don’t know what I’d do.”

It was selfish, but since you had spoken the words of being the only survivor, he had been grateful, grateful you had survived. “Levi, don’t say…”

He interrupted you, “don’t what? If you died Y/n…”

He stopped have spoken too much, he regained his normal dull composure, grabbing your other arm and scrubbing the dirt away. “I’m sorry.”

Ignoring the apology, Hanje came back with the clothes, allowing you to get out and change into the fresh survey corps uniform. You smelled fresh and anew, your arm being re wrapped by Hanje as you waited for Erwin.

Even after your panic attack when riding outside the walls and in front of Levi, the thoughts still filled you and your legs shook underneath. “Y/n.” Erwin’s voice fell through the door, his gentle knock making you nod to Hanje to speak.

“Come in.” She spoke standing up for Erwin to take her spot in front of you.

Levi stood beside the window, looking outside, he admired the stars and sky. He hadn’t been there to protect, he hadn’t saved you, he had let you suffer all alone, in the cold and dark. It was a pit of regret and guilt to now have been there for you.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Erwin asked softly.

There voices had become a lot softer trying to be tentative of your fragility, you took in a sharp breathe, fingers trembling, “I…it was two days ago.” You paused looking at your fingers, Levi noticed and came up to you. He grabbed your hands and held them between his fingers, rubbing back and forth across the back of your hand. He nodded for you to continue, it brought some relief and you looked directly into Erwin’s eyes.

You spoke the events that occurred, how you had been camping outside and before you knew it a hoard of titans had come. How there was too many and by the end of the say half of your squad had gotten murdered. It was how you had gotten injured, the squad members left had decided to head back and whilst going back by horse, you encountered another hoard of titans in the morning. The graphic detail of how your friend had gotten eaten and how your captain had pushed you aside to not get killed had created silence in the room.

“I’d been riding since the afternoon, it was…was hard to make sure Titans didn’t see me.” It was your final words, and Levi moved to wipe the stray tear from your eye. He understood more after hearing the story, why you had said it should’ve been you. But mostly he knew he’d have to protect you; he didn’t care you were his only priority and responsibility now.

“We’ll send some men to find their bodies.” Erwin softly brushed your shoulder with his palm, you nodded at him. “Get some rest Y/n.”

You watched him leave but just as him and Hanje were about to leave you spoke, “Erwin.”

He stopped looking at you, you could see the sympathy he had in his eyes, but you needed to say this before anything else, “I’m going on the next expedition.”

Levi was about to speak to stop you, but Erwin spoke up, “if that’s what you want.”

You nodded and he left swiftly, Hanje following. It was dead silent Levi having removed his hands from yours and pacing back and forth. “You can’t go on the expedition.”

“I don’t care Levi, I’m going, who the hell cares if I die? I have nobody, me dying won…” You had clearly disregarded his previous words, when listening you had assumed it all too be friendly and that he was just saying it to be nice.

His interruption made his emotionless face look sterner and angrier, “it’ll affect me, I’d rather die then let you die for your stupid suicide mission.”

It stung but you didn’t speak, only looking down, “I’m not speaking about this, leave.” You moved towards the bed, about to lie down to think and maybe get some rest.

“Y/n, if you die then I’ll have nobody.” It was a whisper, but you heard it, meeting his gaze.

You sat on the bed, he moved closer to you, his hands moving to cup your face, “I need to go.”

“I know, I want to protect you.” You didn’t speak leaning against his shoulder, his arm around your waist bringing you warmth.

You looked out the window, you understood him, you couldn’t protect your friend but maybe you and Levi could protect each other. You understood that the comfort he had brought through your panic attack was a lot more than any friend would do. Staying in his arms, the way his hands moved up and down your sides. In a soft whisper he heard the four words he had dreamt of hearing, “I love you, Levi.”

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alainarose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy @sugacious @moonlightaangel @kat-sukis-hoe @effmigentlywithachainsaw @swankiifiied @maat-the-prescriptive @missmultifangirl @tvwhoresblog @kuroos-world @chrrylevi @ukaisgratefulwhore @answer-the-sirens

[endlinetheredeath]

Q&A

“Everyone please welcome Tommy a member of the first sentient species from a class 12 planet!”

With that Nak stepped down from the box he was standing on and suddenly a chorus of dozens of voices started yelling and shouting questions at me, everyone trying to out yell the other. It was so much and so sudden that the translator that Nak gave me just minutes before couldn’t keep up and started to translate only single words as it tried to switch between so many voices.

Nak and the doctor stepped up next to me and started to try and calm the people down but it wasn’t looking good. I myself was getting more and more overwhelmed so in a split second decision at turned on my heals and walk out of the hangar closing the door behind me, and leaned on the wall of the hallway. At that point the crowd was so engrossed with their arguing that they didn’t even notice that I was gone. The voices were so loud that even behind a door that cloud most likely resist the vacuum of space i was still able to hear them.

Leaning next to the wall I sighed deeply and looked up at the ceiling.

“ That was a bit much...” I muttered to myself.

“ Yeah they can be overwhelming sometimes.” a soft reassuring voice said next to me, the voice startled me so much that i jumped, my arms flailed wildly before quickly settling in a defensive position. That's when i saw a small, well compered to me small creature covered in fur, I’m about 180 cm the alien standing in front of me was about 140. If i had to describe how she?... hmm the voice that came from my translator was definitely female... anyway if I had to describe her i would go with a kangaroo mixed with a fennec fox, although her fur was white.

Once I realized I wasn’t in danger I lowered my hands and relaxed.

“You startled me...”

“I can see that... didn’t mean to sneak up you, sorry.”

“No no, no need to apologize, i just didn’t expect anyone...” I sighed “anyway my name’s Tommy nice to meet ya.” Out of reflex i reach out my hand for a handshake but unlike Nak she took it after a second or two.

“Nice to meet you too, I’m Kiela. I’m the ships comms expert... i was the one that pick up the radio signals that led us here in the first place.” Her deep brown eyes sparkled with joy as she looked at me.

“What is your planet like, considering it is a class 12 one, it is hard for me to imagine how a species that looks so much like the captains could survive there?

“Uhm... well ... first, what does class 12 mean anyway?”

“Oh oh ok, well there are 15 classes altogether ... the first 3 are uninhabitable because they are basically just huge rock without any sort of atmosphere to speak of and the last 3 are just so volatile that we just thought that no species could survive for long enough to become intelligent on them...” she said really quickly and all flustered.

“Oh ... well ok. So to answer you question there are places on Earth that are relatively safe and nowadays we have all kinds of technologies for detecting and tracking the more dangerous stuff...like the place where Nak picked me up the Carpathian basin, we don’t get anything overtly dangerous like earthquakes or tornados or extreme colds ... the most dangerous stuff we do get are lightning storms and you can easily deal with that by just going indoors...” i trailed of there as i saw Kiela’s eyes narrow slightly at my mention of Nak.

“Nak, do you mean  Nakqr’hlirgmkoz the captain?”

“Yep, i just can’t pronounce his name, not yet anyway, and he was ok with me calling him just Nak.” I said rubbing the back of my neck.

Before either of us could ask any more the door behind me opened and the others were looking in rather concerned, then Nak piped up...

“Ah of course it is our sweet Kiela the one that saves the day once again!” 

At his sudden exclamation she started to fidget a little in embarrassment ...

“Captain i didn’t save anything i just didn’t act all childish like the rest of the crew here.” Her fidgeting stopped by the second half of her sentence and she looked sternly and disapprovingly at the large group behind the captain.

“Were you able to calm them down enough for us to rejoin you?” she looked back at Nak her expression immediately softening.

“In fact i was!” He said putting his hands balled lightly into fists on his hips and he puffed his chest out striking a pose what i could only call a Superman pose but with four arms.

With that Kiela grabbed my hand and led my dumbstruck ass back into the hangar and ordered the group to quickly set a bunch of crates up for seating. She organized it so everyone was able to see and to be seen and set me down in front of them flanked on either side by Nak and herself. With this setup and her constant policing of the crew i started answering question left and right and the others answered my questions as well. Before i knew it hours had passed and we talked about all kind of topics including but not limited to humanity in general as well as certain individuals, all the different kinds of species among the crew and the species in the wider universe, technologies, cultures and a lot of other minor stuff.

“... so yeah after that pandemic it took us quite a few decades to recover properly.” i reached down into my pocket and pulled out my phone. On the screen the time read 02:14.

“ Ahh ..crap.” I grimaced at my phone.

With that exclamation pretty much everyone looked at me, the quiet murmur and the occasional chuckle died down and Kiela put her hand on my right arm in which i held my phone, she opened her mouth to say something but before she could Nak spoke.

“Is everything alright?” he said with a concerned voice.

“Yeah it just got really late really quick and my mum’s probably gonna kill me when i get home...” I said looking up at Nak with a half smile.

His eyes widened with horror and he opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out, Kiela’s grip on my arm tightened as well. Realizing my mistake I quickly said..

“Figuratively speaking of course...” I chuckled nervously and raised my hands in a calming manner. Nak and Kiela relaxed but as i quickly glanced over at the others some of the were not entirely convinced.

“Alright, that’s it for today then, we should probably get you back home before we get you in even more trouble right?” Nak said smiling and shaking his head.

“That would be appreciated, but i would really like to come back sometime i really enjoyed my time here.”

“Oh you can count on it.” Nak said followed by a chorus of yeahs and definitelys by the rest of the group. We stood from our crates and headed towards the shuttle that we came in. Nak jumped in first and started on his preflight check, i followed after but was stopped by Kiela who pulled me down to her level, took my cap off and frizzled my hair than handed my cap back to me.

“There you look better this way... now take care of yourself ok! You’ll be back with us in no time i promise.” with that she let go and ushered me into the shuttle.

“Go go before one these brutes behind me changes their mind and keeps you here for safekeeping.” 

I just smiled and waved to everyone as i got in the shuttle. Nak closed the door and started the engine, a couple minutes later we were in the air and headed out the airlock back to Earth.

I settled myself back into the copilot seat and watched Earth growing bigger in my vision. Nak and I talked some more as we landed back behind my house and we were laughing as we walked down the shuttle’s ramp when suddenly everything became white as floodlights lit us up. Both of us quickly put our hands before our eyes to shield them from the blinding light.

“KEZEKET A VELEGŐBE!”(Hands in the air!) came a strained raspy voice trough a loudspeaker

[fridayfirefly]

The Power of Luck [Chapter One]

Read The Power of Luck on AO3

Masterlist [All Works]

Masterlist [The Power of Luck Series]

Written for Maribat March Day 6 - Miraculous Side Effects

The Ladybug Miraculous had quite a few side effects. Marinette was able to think quick on her feet, she was a skilled tactician in battle, and her reaction time was half that of a normal human. Most notably, the Ladybug Miraculous granted its user the force known as Miraculous Luck, which, depending on the situation, was sometimes more of a curse than a blessing. Marinette didn't get to choose how that good luck manifested. For instance, when she needed an extra day to finish a history project, her school closed down due to a gas leak. Or when she wished for a fresh start after the defeat of Hawkmoth, her parents were offered a deal to grow their bakery business in America.

Marinette assured her parents that she didn't mind moving. After all, most of her class had already moved on. Lila had been deported to Italy, narrowly avoiding jail time. Chloé (much to her dismay) was sent by her father to an all-girls boarding school in England. Adrien was taken in by his Aunt Amelie (as Gabriel was in jail and Emilie was declared brain-dead) and moved to England as well.

No one else from Marinette's class left the country, but many of them moved out of Paris. Nathanial was accepted to an elite art school in Marseille. Max was accepted to a gifted program at an elite school in Bordeaux. Officer Raincomprix was transferred to Toulouse and took Sabrina with him. Juleka and Luka both started homeschooling after their mother sailed the houseboat down the Seine to the city of Rouen.

Worst of all was the loss of Alya. Her parents were horrified that the son of Hawkmoth was in the same class as their daughter, and promptly pulled Alya out of class and decided to move out of the city. Alya begged them for weeks but nothing came of her protests. In the end, Alya left too.

The Miraculous Luck could do a lot of things, but it couldn't keep her friends together. Those who remained at François Dupont filled holes in other classes. Marinette tried to make the best of her new class, but she felt no real connection to them. When her parents proposed the move, Marinette jumped on the opportunity. In Gotham, she wouldn't be haunted by the ghost of her old life.

Marinette cut her hair, leaving it choppy and just above the shoulders. She donated all of her brightly colored clothes to the thrift store down the street and created a new wardrobe for herself. It was toned down and mature, much more fitting for Gotham.

Marinette left Paris a much different girl than the naive fourteen-year-old who thought she could save the world. She was ready for a city like Gotham, a city that didn't make any promises, a city where Marinette could set down some new roots.

-----

At first, it was easy to fly under the radar at Gotham Academy. It was a school filled with the self-absorbed children of millionaires and billionaires, after all. Marinette was there on scholarship - her good grades, leadership experience, and working-class parents combined to cut her tuition down by 75%. Marinette quickly learned that scholarship students were at best ignored, and at worst mercilessly bullied. So Marinette kept her head down and vowed that she would get through the year unscathed.

There was one variable, however, that the Miraculous Luck wasn't able to account for. Marinette's entire plan fell apart thanks to one boy: Damian Wayne.

Marinette became acquainted with Damian Wayne through the school's rumor mill. She learned that he was one of the most wealthy and most attractive people in the school, but he was thought himself too good to spend time with any of his fellow classmates (Marinette couldn't fault him on the last bit; she also found the students at Gotham Academy to be difficult, to say the least). Marinette also learned through the school's rumor mill that Damian spent quite a lot of time staring at her. Given that Damian had never paid the slightest amount of attention to a Gotham Academy girl before, this was a big deal. Suddenly Marinette was the farthest thing from under the radar. Everyone who used to look down on her wanted to be her friend. It was exhausting.

Marinette resolved to ignore Damian Wayne - an easy task, given that she still didn't even know what he looked like. Now that everyone was staring at her, it was hard to

"Why?" grumbled Marinette. "Why couldn't my so-called Miraculous Luck help me get through one normal year of school?"

Tikki shrugged from her spot inside of Marinette's backpack. "Maybe all of this attention will turn out to be a good thing?"

"I doubt that." Marinette glanced around, checking that no one had spotted her talking to her backpack. There was one spot in the cafeteria that was hidden from view, a window-sill nestled behind a pillar, bordered by a wall on one side and an out of order vending machine on the other. Marinette sat on the window-sill every day to eat lunch, with Tikki as her companion for the meal.

"I think your problem is that you're overthinking this. Miraculous Luck always works out in the end, even if there are some obstacles in the middle."

"I just want this horrible school year to be over," sighed Marinette, setting her head down in her arms.

"Don't give up yet, Marinette. I have high hopes for this school year," said Tikki.

Marinette had some serious doubts but picked her head up anyway. Maybe this year wouldn't turn out the way she expected. Marinette defeated Hawkmoth, the greatest villain Paris ever faced. She could survive a year of high school.

-----

Marinette was going to survive her senior year of high school. Damian Wayne on the other hand... Marinette still wasn't sure if she was going to let him survive the year, after everything he put her through.

"Excuse me?" a sickeningly sweet voice piped up from behind Marinette.

Marinette put on her best disinterested-face, took out one headphone, and turned around. "Yes?"

There were three girls standing behind her: a blonde, flanked on both sides by a brunette and a red-head. The blonde girl had a smile on her face but a devious look in her eyes. Marinette had long ago learned to spot manipulators, and this girl had it written all over her. "Are you Marinette Dupain-Cheng?"

"Yes."

"My name is Julie Cooper. I was just wondering... Are you dating Damian Wayne?"

Marinette huffed in exasperation. "What do you think?"

Julie's eyes narrowed. "I just wanted to warn you. I mean, did you really think that Damian Wayne would seriously date a girl here on scholarship? You should break up with him before you get hurt."

"It was a rhetorical question. I'm not dating Damian Wayne. It's just a rumor."

Julie instantly perked up. "Oh, good! I was beginning to think that Damian had lost his mind. I mean, I'm sure you would be a nine or a ten at a public school, but at Gotham Academy, you're like a seven, maybe an eight on a good day. Most of the girls who go here are actually hot, not just," the girl waved her hand towards Marinette. "Above average."

Marinette wasn't sure if Julie meant for her to feel flattered or offended, but her words had the strange effect of making Marinette feel both all at once. "Um, thanks? I'm going to go now."

Julie's brunette friend suddenly paled as the girl started to tug on Julie's sleeve. "Um, Julie?" she whispered.

"What, Nora?" Julie's eyes widened as they fixed on something behind Marinette.

Marinette turned around to see what the cause of their concern was. Or rather, to see who the cause of their concern was. It was a boy, tall and scowling. "Are you done here, Cooper?"

Julia nodded, a nervous edge to her voice, "Bye, Marinette." She and her two friends hurried off, exchanging frantic whispers.

"What do you want?" asked Marinette with a sigh. She was tired of dealing with boys who were only interested in her because Damian Wayne was interested in her.

"I wished to apologize."

"For Julie? Did you put her up to this?"

The boy looked confused. "No, of course not. I meant that I wanted to apologize for everything, not just Julie Cooper."

"For everything?" The truth suddenly dawned on Marinette. "You're Damian Wayne! I didn't think that you would be so tall."

"You didn't know what I looked like?" There was real shock in his voice.

"Well, by the time I learned that you had been staring at me everyone was staring at me, so that wasn't much help in figuring out who you were."

"You could have googled me."

Marinette shrugged. "I could have, but it felt weird to google one of my classmates. I pretty much just resigned myself to never figuring out who you were."

"I should have approached you sooner. I've wanted to apologize for a while, but every time I've caught you alone you've looked like you wanted to be left that way."

"I'm not a fan of most of the students here."

"The students here can be..." Damian searched for the appropriate word. "Tiresome. I resigned myself to a dull four years of high school in their company. That is, until I saw you."

Marinette cocked her head. "Why me, though? I'm nothing special."

"You're different than everyone else here."

Marinette stiffened. "I know. I've been told. I'm here on a scholarship which means I don't belong," she snapped

Damian shook his head. "No, that's not what I meant. You move through life differently than all of the other students here. You don't care about the gossip or drama - at least, not until you were right at the center of it all. You've seen the real world, so you float above the high school drama. You're just so... so..."

"So what?" Marinette's tone softened.

Damian ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it. The addition of the messy hair added a certain charm to his otherwise polished exterior. "I've been brainstorming for the right word for weeks. The best I can come up with is pure. You don't let yourself become affected by anything in this school."

It was a very flattering description of her. It was also very on the nose. "I'll forgive you, Damian Wayne, but only on one condition."

"What?"

"I want to get to know you, and I have a feeling that you feel the same way."

Damian nodded. "It's a deal."

Maybe her Miraculous Luck wasn't so useless after all. Marinette had expected to go the whole year without making a single friend. Now, it seemed that she might make one after all.

@maribatmarch-2k21

[saphirered]

I’m in love with your writing and binged your entire page one night lol

Could I request a story with Caleb where the M9 find a wounded reader on the run from people who want to use her for her very powerful magical abilities. She doesn’t trust Caleb at first because he’s a wizard and just as she opens up to him and starts to develop feelings discovers he has been studying her powers - thought with no bad intentions. Some good old angsty enemies to lovers type of beat. Preferably with a good ending but do what you wish ;))

Apparently I'm giving you more stuff to binge as this is looking more and more like a several parter 😅. Prepare for loads of angst and conflict and some good hurt/comfort to come but for now, here comes part 1! 😘

Nobody pays attention to a vagrant dressed in rags, looking about a week past their last proper bath begging on the side of the road for money or standing by a shop, mouth watering at the food. Nobody pays attention to what they don’t want to see in their pristine cities. Not unless they want to chase you away because you’re in their way or you’re tarnishing their image. Speaking about image, sometimes some rich folk will take pity upon you, casting a coin your way to make themselves look good and generous in the eyes of others.

That’s exactly what you became when you needed to disappear. You needed to become unseen, unnoticed and a shadow among a crowd. You succeed casting away all remainders of your previous life because in the end, your life is worth more to you than your earthly possessions. Survival above all. You’ll live this way until you can get somewhere where no one will question you, or where you’ll be under the protection of others, far away where your enemies cannot reach you. Maybe Vasselheim is a good place to go? They’re not fond of the arcane magics. Sure you’ll have to give up using some of your own gifts but it’s worth being able to live your life freely.

You’re still a ways away from Vasselheim and you don’t have the funds to get there yet. Even if you make it to a port, stowing away on a ship is fine but you can’t trust them to not throw you overboard or leave you stranded at the nearest island to save provisions. And that’s if they don’t hand you over to any authorities and risk you getting back to square one. You’ll have to wander around Wildemount until you’re able to book passage or find somewhere to lay low, forever on the move. It’s not the worst and you get used to it pretty quickly.

Weren’t you lucky when you saw the recent champions of the Victory Pit were strolling around town flaunting their winnings. You need food. You need warm clothes. And most of all, you could do with some extra change in your pocket. You wouldn’t be stupid enough to steal all of it of course. Just enough to get by and they wouldn’t notice. So you trail them, sticking to the shadows. They don’t seem to notice you.

Then you struck. You got the coin pouch from the ostentatious one. It was child’s play really. He didn’t even notice you lifting the pouch from his belt when you brushed against his shoulder muttering an apology. You were already amidst the crowd when you heard the tiefling exclaim his coin pouch was gone and he put two and two together quickly, the charlatan he is so before you knew it they were on the lookout for someone fitting your description. You had to move quick, buy your necessities and get out of the market. You know just the place to hide out; the Evening Nip. Nobody asks questions there.

Once you found yourself safely sipping on the shitty ale served at the Evening Nip you didn’t expect the colourful group of strangers to stroll in. It was already too late when you spotted them and you had no where to go. Still your quickly gathered up the coin back into the ornate velvet pouch and put it in your own pocket hidden beneath the layers of your clothes putting your hands behind your back as you tried to make a break for the exit. They did not let you pass, a relatively buff looking woman gripping the handle of her sword stepping in front of you while another one, though shorter blocked your escape by interposing her staff.

“No funny business, friend. You have something that belongs to my companion here, and he wants it back.” The half-orc speaks as you grit your teeth. You’d really hoped to avoid this but you weren’t stupid enough to bring out the big artillery… yet… so you lift your hands in surrender and allow them to lead you over to one of the tables taking a seat of your own accord while you’re flanked by the buff woman on one side, the purple tiefling on the other and the rest of them takes up seating of their own around the table keeping an eye on you.

“Now, we can do this the easy way or the hard way…” The half-orc leads as the tiefling next to you holds out his hand brushing his other over your shoulder in a soft push, mimicking what you had done when you pickpocketed him. Are they mocking you? Bastards.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, friend.” You speak innocently. You know they won’t buy it anyway, their minds already made up, but it gives you just a second more to get a grasp on all of them. You’re already plotting your escape, despite the odds being turned against you. You have to try.

“Oh, I think you do, and we simply want a conversation. You wouldn’t want to tarnish this new friendship now would you?” The tiefling grins as you look at him. You can feel the strings of enchantment pricking into your mind but you know how this works. You’ll just have to play along. You smile, like being faced with an old friend, just as the spell would have you have, letting your defensive mannerism fade.

“You’re quite right. It’s no way to treat new friends. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot.” You glance between all of them and you feel a pair of blue eyes stare into you, right through you. There’s just something about him that doesn’t add up and you’re almost afraid he knows you’re not under the tiefling’s spell after all but you do whatever you can to not show that on your face and play along.

“Should we get some drinks to commemorate new friends?” You suggest about to get up but the woman in blue’s staff moves across the table right onto your shoulder urging you to stay in place. You don’t look fazed and merely amused with this action as if it is a harmless joke and not a threat. The tiefling moves the staff from your shoulder as you turn your attention back to him as he smiles.

“I think that’s an absolutely wonderful idea. Drinks on me.” He stands with you and begins leading you over to the bar. Clive takes the order and begins pouring the ale as requested while the tiefling keeps conversation with you, completely oblivious and detached from his friends. You play along and when you reach to the coin pouch, you pull out the coins owed to the barkeep. The tiefling smiles and you can see from your peripheral the red head notices too. Both confirm you have the coin pouch. So once you pay you reach for your pocket grasping for a short iron rod placing it in your hand, whispering words under your breath as the tiefling talks to the barkeep, your hands begin to move according to the familiar motions and before the redhead can warn his lavender companion, the tiefling is frozen in place unable to move and you’re making a break for the door.

Spells fly left and right and you dodge a few, take the damage from others as the fighters dependant on close range rush for you. A crossbow bolt hits your thigh and a large cat’s claw appears in front of you. You try to dodge it reaching for you but it catches you and holds you in place despite your struggling to get free. They circle you, bind your hands, take back the coin pouch and your own limited belongings from you as you fight back trying to keep them away from you but you’re just alone and they are the many.

You feel helpless and desperate. That’s when you make eye contact with the blue eyed wizard. There’s a look of recognition in his eyes. Not for who you are directly, but the way you’re acting and lashing out, like some caged animal wishing desperately to be free, like a creature on the run, like you’re two sides of the same coin. His eyes reveal to you pain and suffering and pity but you don’t need his pity. You don’t need anyone’s pity.

“Why did you steal that coin?” The wizard asks as you glare at him from your seated position on the ground.

“Why does anybody steal anything? I’m hungry. I’m cold and I’m broke as hell.” You spit none too kindly.

“Then get a job. Make some money. Or at least learn to be a good thief.” The rude woman snorts. You roll your eyes. Typical. You know plenty of people like her, maybe you even used to be like her but not anymore. You grew out of that the hard way. She will too, in time.

“None of you noticed until you went to pay for something.” You grin and the woman is about to lunge for you at your provocation. So easy to piss that one off. Funny, actually.

“I don’t think she can just get a job. Not a regular one anyway.” The wizard observes as he stares into you. “You don’t have anywhere to go, do you?” Your silence, biting your lip says enough. You don’t have anywhere to go. Once you did but that’s gone. Torn away from you.

“How about this? You spent a good deal of my friend’s coin but we’ll give you the opportunity to make it back as a repayment. Stick around for a little bit and go our separate ways when the debt is repaid?” There’s some protests but the half-orc quiets them down when the wizard speaks up in your favour. He doesn’t trust you, not after the stunts you just pulled, especially not when the look on your face mirrors his own so closely but perhaps it’s something within him that calls to him to make right a wrong, or prevent another soul to be lost to the troubles he’s faced.

With these idiots bound to make a scene they’ll call attention to themselves and by default that means away from you. This might work in your favour. They’re adventurers and given that they seem somewhat familiar with the Evening Nip, you can only assume they’re not exactly always on the right side of the law. You’re not judging but that gives you some safety and assurance should things go south or you need a quick way out. And if things really do turn in your favour, they’ll be your cover to places and funds to get you far far away from this hell hole.

“Looks like you got yourselves a new companion then, friends.” You don’t smile, only displaying an expression so neutral that makes the wizard think for a second he might have made a mistake but for now you have mutual interests and if there’s anything he can count on, it’s the reliability of a common goal, and a lot to lose should you get outed.

So next you know, you’re somewhat absorbed into their little group, learning their names and where they’re from, chatting happily but you can’t help but notice that yours and Caleb’s stories are similar in some ways, mostly the lack of detail. You’ve been raised within the Empire, but found yourself on a less fortunate path fending for yourself. The only difference between you and him is that he found Nott on his path while you had remained alone. The group didn’t seem to mind your lack of details, going with the excuse you’re not about to bare your life story to the people you only just met and you’re lucky. You hadn’t told anyone what happened since you’ve been on the run and you don’t plan on doing so anytime soon, especially not to people who haven’t earned your trust yet.

Of course you’ve been roomed with Caleb and Nott, finding yourself in one of the most expensive inns in the city, paid for by the group. Unlike Nott, who goes through your stuff when she thinks you’re not looking, Caleb is the perfect roommate. He doesn’t cross any boundaries, ask too many questions or has any annoying habits. He just reclines on his bed, going through his spellbook, transcribing new spells to add to his own collection. Every time he does you get extremely uneasy and snappy and do whatever you can to not be in the same space as the wizard. It doesn’t do your roommate relationship any good and may leave you at odds at times. Caleb may not understand why but it’s not his place to ask questions, nor does he think you’ll actually answer them. Instead you make up excuses, helping Beau with training, letting Jester braid your hair, keeping Fjord company while Molly claims their room for one of his escapades, getting some booze for Nott, or when Yasha is there, watch the storms with the woman, anything to get you out of that shared room with the wizard.

————

Rain hits the window of your room in the Pillow Trove as the redheaded wizard strolls in throwing his backpack on his bed and sitting down with a deep sigh. You look up over the edge of the book you’re reading seeing the wizard soaked through the bone wringing out his hair best he can. With a wave of your hand and words uttered under your breath you grin as the water evaporates from Caleb’s form, leaving his hair slightly more curly and frizzy, and his clothes warm and comfy. He gives you a look as you continue reading as if you’re completely unaware of anything going on in the room, completely absorbed into your book. Ignoring Caleb.

“I didn’t take you for the type that reads smutty romance novels.” He comments and gestures towards Courting of the Crick. You finally look at Caleb as if he only just gained your attention, as if you’re only just aware of his presence in the room. Both of you know better but this is how it is.

“You wouldn’t. But according to Jester you enjoy them very much.” You grin, having gotten to hear all about their little trip to the Chastity’s Nook. Caleb gives you a disapproving look as he begins to unpack his things, taking out the fresh ink and paper, setting out his spellbook and you mark your page, putting the book on your side table as you quickly get up and go for the door.

“Where are you off to all of the sudden?” Caleb asks as you grit your teeth. Can he not just leave you alone? Does he really trust you so little you’re not allowed to leave of your own accord?

“I’m going to see Jester and Beau in their room. Now I will bid you good day unless you think I need an escort for the room two doors down.” You snap. Okay, that may have been unnecessary. You could have at least been neutral. Too late for that now. Caleb waves his and as if dismissing you. Act like a child, get treated like a child. So you leave the room letting the door fall closed a little harder than you normally would in protest and make your way over towards Beau and Jester’s room.

Jester, happily lets you in and while Beau has definitely warmed up to you, things are still rocky. She wouldn’t go as far as calling you a friend, but more that one neighbourhood kid her parents tried to get her to play with despite the two of you never really having been friends at all. At least you can bond over your slightly criminal tendencies. It’s Jester who’s completely accepted you as one of her own, questioning you about anything and everything, preaching to you about the Traveler, gushing about her romance novels, specifically Oskar, which you’re pretty sure is actually reflecting her major crush on Fjord but let the girl dream. Who knows what will come of it?

[nnightskiess]

𝐳𝐨𝐲𝐚 𝐧𝐚𝐳𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞

₊° - 𝐳𝐨𝐲𝐚 𝐧𝐚𝐳𝐲𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

₊° - 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: y/n isn't too keen on letting zoya go on her journey through the fold and arrives at the encampment late at night to ease her worries.

please do not copy, republish, translate or reproduce this imagine on wattpad or on other platforms. respect the author's work <3

when word got round in the little palace that a spot for a grisha healer in the second army opened up for the supply run through the fold, y/n wasted no time and offered to go. they had applauded her for her willingness and bravery, but all y/n could think about was seeing that one gorgeous sqauller again, who quite literally blew her away the moment they first met.

zoya nazyalensky's striking blue eyes had captivated y/n the moment they locked with hers and hadn't it been for the squaller looking away, y/n was sure she'd still be lost in them. y/n deemed zoya to be one of the prettiest girls in os olta and the little palace combined, but her beauty was not the only thing about her that had made y/n unable to get the girl out of her head.

zoya was a squaller, a grisha able to manipulate the wind and air, but zoya also possessed a big fire in her belly, one that was almost always quite present. it helped her to the top, but was also one of the qualities that had a tendency to make her intimidating or feared. y/n however, looked right through it and never stepped back whenever zoya would raise her voice or squint her eyes just long enough for other grisha to leave her alone. and exactly that had caught zoya's attention.

training was going terrible, the new squallers seemed to lack the confidence and passion that was needed for combat training. botkin had been so frustrated that he let some of the older grisha take the task and train them. y/n had watched from the sides as zoya visibly grew more annoyed at the youngsters and bit her lip when that same frustration finally caught up with her,

"enough! come back when you're worthy of wearing that kefta or don't show your face again!" she sent a large gush of air their way, making everyone's kefta's blow up in the wind before she turned around, letting out a quick breath through her nose.

y/n approached, a tiny smirk on her face. she'd waited to the sides to see how long it would take to crack the girl's patience. zoya wasn't a quitter, but her tough love seemed to worsen the children's performances even more.

zoya felt a presence behind her and turned around with a sneer as she sent another wave of wind behind her.

"i said-"

y/n was sent against the wall before she landed on the earth with a thud.

zoya tried to hide her initial surprise and gave the girl a once over, tilted her chin and crossed her arms, "what do you want?" she wasn't in the mood to apologize and kept her arms crossed, not even bothering to help the girl up.

y/n dusted her kefta off and tried to delay her reply, which she knew was frustrating zoya even more. y/n finally looked up, a cheeky smile on her face as she spoke,

"you could be sent away for that... we aren't allowed to use our powers here, did you forget?"

"look around- do you see anyone here?"

zoya was right- most boys and girls had silently left the training facility after zoya's outburst and botkin was probably downing a glass of kvas to drink away his frustrations of the day.

"because you scared them all away."

zoya put her nose up in disdain and turned back around- she didn't have time for this cocky know-it-all girl. she rolled her eyes as y/n followed her around the courtyard, getting slightly annoyed,

"i'm not sure if you have it in you, but maybe next time try and ease up on the tough love? be kind for a chance?"

"it's not what works best. do you think they'll be coddled when they're part of the second army? you healers are too sensitive. you should consider changing that or this world is going to eat you up."

"too sensitive?" y/n tried to hide the hurt in her voice and shook it off, "you don't know the injuries i've had to heal, the pain and gore i've seen. you should consider changing your mind on healers. without us, we'd be off way worse."

zoya had been annoyed at y/n's challenging rebuttal at first, but would later realise it wasn't out of lack of respect that y/n didn't seem to falter under her hard glares, it was because of the intrigue and adoration she held for her. if she backed down like all the others, she would never get a chance to break down zoya's walls.

eyerolls out of annoyance faded into playful eyerolls and zoya quickly realised that y/n would be one of those people her superiors had told her about all those years ago when she was first brought to the little palace. in order to not succumb to the stress of being a grisha, let alone one in the second army, one needs companions. companions you trust to have your back, companions to share your worries with and companions to help you see the light in difficult situations, even in the dark of the fold. and a loyal companion y/n became.

zoya was less hostile to the healer than she was to anyone else and people soon caught on. to not lose her air of intimidation, she tried to keep her soft smiles to a minimum and playfully pestered y/n whenever she could- even though no one but the two knew it was playful- only to get a joking sneer back in return, which never failed to crack the tiniest grin on the squaller's face.

"why do you look ready to leave?" y/n suddenly appeared in the doorway of zoya's suite. "planning to run away?" she joked but her worries grew as zoya didn't reply.

zoya didn't look up and instead continued to prepare her bag. y/n noticed that she was wearing the good luck charm she'd given the girl to wear whenever she had to go on a difficult or risky mission. a silent promise to both, if you will, to make sure whatever would happen would turn out alright. y/n's smile faltered,

"where are they sending you off to?"

"kribirsk, i'm going to help sail the skiff for a supply run to ketterdam."

"you're going through the fold?!" y/n took haste steps into the room and stopped right behind zoya, "why haven't i heard about this?! when are you supposed to cross it?!"

zoya let out a sigh and looked up, her hands placed on her hips, "stop it. i'll be fine," she went back to folding her clothes, "you know it's not my first time."

"no, but every time might as well be your last!"

y/n pulled at zoya's arm to make her stop, the squaller immediately glared at her. she hated when y/n became worried, it always intensified the worries she was already feeling herself, even if she would never tell anyone.

"i'll be fine, i promise."

"what happens there isn't really up to you... besides, i just don't like sitting here and waiting in agony for a word from you telling me you survived."

zoya finally gave in, she couldn't hold up her front any longer as she looked into y/n's worried eyes. she let out a deep sigh and rubbed her forehead before her hands dropped to her neck. she grabbed the talisman and held it up, "this'll protect me."

"zoya, it's not some-"

"no. it will. you said it would. i trust you. now, will you trust me? i'll be back before you know it." zoya softly stroked y/n's cheek with the back of her finger, something she did when the girl needed reassurance and comfort. "i'll come back, y/n."

the two women stared at each other for a long time, exchanging silent promises. but y/n's sudden movement caught zoya off guard, and before she could realise the girl had softly planted her lips against her own, y/n had already retreated.

"write to me."

zoya nodded absentmindedly, her head still stuck in the moment before.

"-and you better come back in one piece, nazyalensky."

zoya nodded again, this time less distracted, and she pulled y/n back when the girl made a move to walk out before planting a soft kiss on the girl's cheek.

"i will. or else you'll just have to patch me up again."

but zoya's nerves proved to be more difficult to contain now that y/n wasn't around, even if the girl had a tendency to sometimes make them worse with her worries. she knew she had promised to write, but what was she going to write down? how scared she really was? what would that do to calm y/n's nerves- both their nerves? not to mention that the confident squaller had felt insecure ever since their tiny kiss. was she supposed to write a different letter? was y/n expecting her to? or were they still just friends? or would it only upset y/n if she wrote to her like friends would?

so, zoya thought it was best to just not write at all, to spare both their feelings. but y/n, who had been waiting for a letter in the little palace, had gone mad after a few days. she hadn't received a letter noting zoya's arrival, neither had zoya written her one to tell her when the journey to west-ravka would take place. she felt awfully left in the dark, even if she knew the second army had arrived at the encampment through a general at the palace, she needed to hear it from zoya. or had she scared the squaller off? was the girl regretting their moment? had she lost zoya completely now, even as a friend? she needed to know.

the only worries she felt when the horses pulled the carriage over the roads to the encampment, were the worries about zoya, not about the voyage she was going to have to take through the darkness. after all, she'd have zoya by her side, who would undoubtedly try to protect her if needed, who could calm her down with just a look her way, just like how y/n would be there to heal and support if the situation asked for it.

y/n was assigned a tent with the other corporalki, but could care less about settling in for a good night's sleep. she needed to find zoya's tent first. she needed to see her at least once before setting foot on the ship the next morning.

the torches lit up the campsite and created eerie shadows on the surrounding tents, sometimes even forming into a shadow that looked way too similar to the volcra whose screams and cries filled the air now and then. y/n shook it off and walked along.

she finally heard zoya's familiar soft voice behind a tent's fabric to her left and a guy clad in the clothes of a tracker walked out a few seconds later. it slightly confused y/n, but she walked to the entrance of the now pitch black tent nonetheless.

"zoya?" she whispered out softly, still a bit unsure if she'd actually been right about hearing the girl's voice. what if this was someone else's tent?

"anyone here?" she called again, her eyes now slightly adjusting to the lack of light. a shadow moved to her left before she fell to her knees as all the air in her lungs disappeared. someone had her in a headlock.

"zoya! it's me! it's me, y/n!" she coughed and heaved, clawing at her throat for air. she heard the squaller gasp as fresh air filled her lungs once again. a candle was lit a second after, which barely illuminated the tent, but enough for zoya to see her friend on the floor.

"what are you doing here?!" she hissed, her panic replaced by anger almost instantly, anger that stemmed out of worry for the girl. y/n being there could only mean one thing...

"i had to see you." y/n accepted the help of zoya and was put to sit on the girl's bed. "you promised you'd write... why didn't you?"

zoya ignored the question and fired a question of her own the healer's way, "why are you here? i doubt they let you go without a reason."

y/n refused to make eye contact, but zoya refused to give in and forcefully grabbed the girl's chin. y/n expected to see the squaller's eyebrows knitted together in anger or worry, or both, and a sneer on her face, but was instead met with a look she couldn't quite place, one she barely ever saw. if y/n wanted an answer, she would have to answer zoya first.

"they needed a healer."

"on the supply run?"

y/n nodded meekly but kept looking at zoya's features, trying to decipher what she was thinking.

"y/n, you shouldn't have... not after-"

"i know. i know i had to watch my friends get torn apart last time, while i sat there and couldn't help all of them at once, i know- but zoya- if something were to happen to you and i wouldn't be able to at least try and help you out, i would never be able to let it go."

zoya's grasp on y/n's chin loosened until she finally let go and dropped her hands on her lap. but they didn't feel right there so she immediately grabbed onto one of y/n's, giving it a light squeeze.

"you didn't write to me. that usually means you're either worried and don't want to worry me or... well... after, you know... i thought you might've..."

zoya squeezed again, telling the girl she didn't need to talk further, she knew exactly what she meant.

"i know something has shifted between us, but i don't regret it. that wasn't why i didn't write...well, it was." she continued when y/n rose an eyebrow in confusion, "i was afraid you might've regretted it."

"no, i-"

"it doesn't matter, you shouldn't have come." zoya's walls were back up again in a snap of her fingers and she let go and sat up, immediately shielding herself from whatever rejection about to come her way.

"zoya-"

"it's probably best if we both get some rest."

y/n looked to see if zoya was slightly joking but pursed her lips together when she saw the girl's blank face.

"fine." the healer jumped up and stormed out of the tent, throwing the entrance drape shut so harshly that the tiny candle went out, which left zoya by herself in the dark of the night. at least it would let her get used to the dark that was waiting for her on the end of the encampment.

y/n buttoned and unbuttoned her crimson kefta multiple times, a nervous habit of hers, but kept them buttoned when the horn indicated it was time to go. had it been worth it? offering to cross the fold just to talk to zoya? only for her to get the cold shoulder? no. but at least now she was able to protect the girl.

she walked onto the sandskiff along with other grisha and, this time, cartographers, and immediately locked eyes with zoya, who was already stationed at the front. zoya looked regal, standing there, with her chin held high and her hands behind her back, almost as if she owned the sandskiff. to others, she might've looked cocky, but not to y/n.

zoya's eyes inspected everyone who walked onto the ship and thus also landed on y/n's. but, while she'd lightly glared at everyone, her glare softened when she looked at her friend. she dipped her head in acknowledgement. what y/n didn't know, was that while zoya had tried her best to pretend that y/n wouldn't be going on the supply run, seeing her step onto the skiff had broken that fairytale thought and had made her slightly break out an uneasy sweat. y/n's talisman was hidden under her kefta, but zoya could still feel it pressing against her chest. it calmed her down a little, but not enough, certainly not when the ship started moving and y/n was not on the docks staying behind.

screeches and yells of those terrible beasts were the first things to welcome them into the fold before the clear morning sky finally turned black and the air turned cold. the volcra sounded distant though, so as long as they kept quiet and in the dark, there wouldn't be a reason to panic.

zoya glanced y/n's way every now and then. even if there still wasn't trouble in the air, she just needed to reassure herself that the girl was okay. same for y/n- she kept glancing to the front of the skiff to see zoya's eyes illuminate in the blue of the tiny lantern. zoya's eyes never failed to calm her down, but looking into them now brought her even greater comfort. or discomfort...if she thought long enough about what happened last time she crossed the fold.

the wind howled, the wooden skiff creaked and thunder filled the sky. the occasional lightning lit up their surroundings and showed the shipwrecks from previous supply runs, a great reminder to everyone on board that they should count themselves lucky if they survived this crossing.

"marker one...."

"how many more are there?" a cartographer girl dared to ask and y/n closed her eyes, knowing the answer wouldn't satisfy her.

"thirty-seven."

y/n's hands clasped around the sleeves of her kefta as she hugged herself. only twelve more markers and she'd reach the place where it all happened last time.

barely one marker later and the growling and screeching sounds of the approaching volcra made everyone tense up. one volcra made a close appearance, which made everyone either duck or ready their guns. it was eerily silent after that. y/n tried not to look at the frightened faces of everyone else and instead tried to count, but that proved to make her even more nervous after another volcra screeched nearby- they weren't going fast enough.

zoya felt suffocated when the blue lantern, which was meant to be their little safe haven during their crossing, dimmed. however, the real panic set in when it became pitch black and she lost all sight of y/n. the deck suddenly lit up by the orange hue of a lantern one cartographer boy had set alight in panic, which illuminated y/n's pretty face with an orange tint, but zoya was anything but relieved. this wasn't a good thing. at all.

"blow it out! what are you doing?!"

all hell broke loose when the lantern attracted volcra, who were now surrounding the sandskiff, flying over it to wait for the perfect opportunity to catch their prey. if that wasn't bad enough, the lantern had fallen over and a small fire was starting to eat away at the wooden deck, making it even harder for everyone on board to hide. people were being picked up by the creatures and all y/n seemed to be able to do was freeze. last time she'd been running from left to right to try and help aid the people on board, but even when she had prepared herself for this outcome this time, no muscle in her body seemed to want to move. she didn't know what hurt her ears more- the gunshots, the screeching of those terrible monsters or the agonizing yells from the people on deck. one thing stood out through those yells- a pained yelp coming from no other than zoya made her head shoot up to where she thought she'd heard it.

zoya had watched y/n tense up from her side of the ship and was well aware that past memories were probably troubling her mind, making her unable to get to work. all worries or insecurities were thrown out the window once she realised she needed to keep y/n safe. a volcra had dived to pick her up right as she made a move to run to the healer, but a shove from one of the other grisha had saved her life. her shoulder broke the fall and one of her hands met the flames, making her cry out in pain.

this did the trick and burst the healer's bubble. y/n crawled across the deck, trying to stay as low as possible, and gritted her teeth whenever she came too close to the fire and the heat became painful. zoya noticed her approach and tried to move closer too, only to grasp her shoulder in pain.

"ssssh, i'm here, i'm here, let me-" y/n stammered in a panic as she looked at the damage. she gently stroke her fingers over zoya's burns first. zoya threw her head back at the initial pain and incredibly annoying itch that followed, but let out a shaky chuckle out of relief when the pain subdued before eventually fading away.

they weren't out of danger yet and the volcra hovering above them proved exactly why. zoya's eyes widened as she watched it approach over y/n's shoulder and she pulled the girl on top of her in a tight embrace. the movement made her grit her teeth in pain, her shoulder still hurt like hell, but at least the volcra had missed this chance. she saw it circle around, waiting to pounce once more. she reached for the gun beside her when it turned around, ready for another try. but zoya didn't give it one and directed a shot at its chest, which caught the beast off guard and gave the perfect opportunity to one of the escorts on the ship to finish him off with another shot.

"are you alri-"

"go! get inside!" zoya gently pushed the girl off of her again.

"you're hurt, let me-"

"i need to help send this skiff back. go!"

"it'll only be-"

"we don't have time! i can handle a broken shoulder but i will never forgive myself if something happened to you!" zoya yelled back over the chaos and was supported by another squaller who pulled her to the other side of the deck. y/n sat there, baffled. a harsh force of wind made y/n's hair blow up and the ship started to move again. a young man, one of their escorts, ran up to her, pulled her on her feet and guided her inside.

there she sat, waiting, while a mix of screams, screeches, thunder and gunshots made for a horrifying mix of sounds, while she couldn't do a thing, while zoya was bait up there...

a light so bright beamed through the cracks and holes of the wood and even from her cover, y/n had to shield her eyes.

silence. complete, utter silence. no more volcra, no more shouting or gunshots needed. the wind that the squallers created to send them back home was a comforting sound to y/n's ears and it was all she wanted to focus on as she knew they were going back.

the darkness soon turned to light again. the sky had changed back and was filled with puffy clouds as the air grew more pleasant to inhale. they were back, they were safe. but still, y/n kept seated, not wanting to go out and see the damage. not again.

yes, the sandskiff had returned home, which meant that squallers had sent it back, but zoya had been out there for a while even before the light. going out there meant there was a possibility she was going to receive the news that zoya hadn't made it.

"i need a healer here! quick!"

y/n wiped her teary eyes that were still burning from the smoke, pushed the stray hairs out of her face and stood up. she was not going to let people suffer just because she was afraid of facing her fears. she let herself fall onto her knees next to a cartographer girl whose leg still sizzled from a terrible burn. she seemed pretty out of it- her head lulled as a cold sweat coated her face.

"hey, you're going to be alright. i'm y/n, i'm a healer." she tried to reassure her, even if she was unsure if the girl could even hear her at this point, "i'm going to have to touch it, but it's going to get better after that. i promise. try to sit as still as you can so it won't scar." she went to work and saw the girl's eyes flutter open. "see?" the girl nodded and sent a tired smile her way. that was enough of a thank you for y/n and she immediately stood up to try and see where she was needed next.

zoya had climbed her way down as soon as she could and panic filled her when she couldn't find y/n anywhere. this was where she'd seen the boy take her to?! but as she walked back, she saw the girl tending to a wounded man and a sigh of relief left her mouth. she watched y/n stand up,

"can you tend to my shoulder next?"

y/n's head whipped around at the familiar voice, and even if it sounded hoarse and tired, she could still hear a playful undertone.

"thank the saints! you're alright!" y/n went in for a hug but reminded herself of zoya's injured shoulder and squeezed the girl's hand instead.

"who else sent us back?" zoya smiled tiredly and let y/n pull her out off the chaos on the ship to be sat down on the docks. the healer helped her out of her kefta and zoya noticed y/n was trying to suppress a meek smile at the sight of the talisman that clung around zoya's neck.

zoya closed her eyes as y/n's soft hands made contact with her bare shoulder and she only dared to open them again once the pain was replaced by the familiar feeling of a healing itch. she grabbed the healer's hand and intertwined their fingers.

"are you still hurting?"

zoya let out a breathy chuckle and shook her head, "no, i believe i'm fine now. just a bit shaken."

y/n nodded and stared off into the distance, she knew exactly what zoya meant. a soft tug on her hand made her look back at the blue eyed girl.

"i'm sorry."

"zoya nazyalensky saying sorry? that's a first."

"hush you, i'm serious. don't make me regret this." zoya rolled her eyes, glad to have this y/n back. for a second, back in the fold, when she saw y/n so tensed up as she was reliving her trauma, zoya was afraid she might never get her back, if they were to even get out of the fold alive. but here she was, holding the girl's hand and staring into her eyes. she was here. with her.

"it was wrong of me to downplay your worries when i knew where they stemmed from. you've had to go through that, see that happen... and it was only fair of you to fear my departure. i should've written to you and-"

"zoya, it's quite-"

"let me finish." a light squeeze in her hand and a somewhat serious glare from zoya made y/n shut up, "i also shouldn't have treated you like i did last night. but can you try to imagine the worry i felt when i realised you were going to do the crossing? if something happened to you, that would've been because of me. you were on that ship because i was there, because i didn't write back."

"i would've taken the offer even if you had written to me, to be quite honest..."

zoya rolled her eyes, "of course you would've."

"zoya, when will you understand that i'll always try to have your back?

"but why must you put yourself in harm's way to do so?"

"because that's just how it goes!" y/n squeezed zoya's hand this time, trying to get her message across. "we're companions remember?"

zoya smiled softly and put a strand of hair behind y/n's ear before she wiped away the dirt on the girl's temple. her fingers then travelled down the girl's cheek and jaw before resting there, "i think we're more than companions, don't you think?" her striking blue eyes then looked directly into y/n's, immediately captivating the girl like she was some siren trying to lure her into the pools of her eyes.

"are we?" y/n's voice was small.

"have you forgotten about kissing me already? should you need a reminder?"

"no- i haven't, i remember!" her cheeks turned scarlet as zoya tilted her head in a playful manner. oh gods, how stupid could she be. "i mean, i don't. a reminder would be nice?" the meekness of y/n's voice warmed zoya up and she stroked the girl's bottom lip with the pad of her thumb,

"you sure?"

y/n nodded, but that wasn't what would satisfy zoya.

"talk. use your voice."

"yes, i'm sure."

zoya lifted her chin and looked at her in a way only she could, but it wasn't disrespectful at all. she looked at y/n as if she was the only girl in the world, but even if she wasn't, she'd still pick her. she'd pick her as a friend, a companion, or whatever they were going to be next.

[shiroganeryo]

Komui's Discussion Room content (DGM 27)

Volume 27 has been released recently here in Brazil and I realized the remaining of Komui’s Discussion Room were nowhere to be found in English, but after reading all of it, I thought there are very interesting things hence why I wanted to share!

Please bear in mind this is not a direct translation, but a summary.

I have a lot of criticism when it comes to Viz Media’s release (official English), but I’m quite content with the work Panini, the distributor of D.Gray-Man in Brazil, has done so far with the official Portuguese release. If there are any mistakes, please bear in mind I translated the information directly from their version.

There are 11 questions covered in this summary. For the others, please check Jeidafei’s translations on them (totally recommend it!): Part 1 | Part 2 | Author's note & Thanks Corner | Extra

Without further ado, let’s get into it! This got very long.

≫ Kanda hasn’t reached the “critical point” in synchronization yet (+ why Allen isn’t a General)

In the question “How did Kanda hide having gone past the critical point”, Tiedoll answers that he actually has the potential it takes to do it but hasn’t done it yet. Still on the same question, they answer a related question about Allen’s critical point: “If Allen has reached the critical point, why wasn’t he appointed to become a general during the Order’s reconstruction?”

Allen replies that it was impossible at that time since Central was keeping watch over him. Tiedoll adds that he’s also too young and the only one able to operate the Ark, the latter making Central even more suspicious of him. General Cross’s reputation also seems to have played a part in this, having the higher-ups deem Allen as someone they couldn’t trust enough.

Ryo’s note: Allen thanks Tiedoll for putting his thoughts about Cross into words and Cross simply laughs it off. XD

≫ Sleeping positions

They get asked about their sleeping positions. Tiedoll describes how Kanda sleeps with detail (when younger, in fetal position; nowadays, he sleeps lying on his side, preferentially the right side).

Allen comments that Johnny sleeps sprawled on the floor or the desk and that everyone in the Science Division sleeps like this; when he first saw it, he got concerned thinking something tragic had happened. Johnny says it’s comfortable to sleep like this, but Allen isn’t so sure.

Cross comments on how Allen sleeps; he mentions he likes to sleep hugging something and when he can’t do it, he complains until falling asleep. Allen gets flustered and claims that he got used to sleeping with Tim because he used to be big, but is over it nowadays. Johnny remembers Link used to tell him not to sleep with the piggy-bank, to which Allen replies that it was “not a sleeping position, but survival instincts”.

Kanda comments on how he brought a ton of food to the infirmary one time and says it was annoying to listen to him eating nonstop. Allen replies with sarcasm (“sorry for needing to eat to recover my energies”).

Cross sleeps naked, with his arms open (according to Allen).

Tiedoll sleeps on his stomach, blanket over his face.

Ryo’s note: The time Kanda is referring to is in Chapter 135 (135th Night: Repose, Partly Cloudly).

≫ The symbol on the CROWs' foreheads

Cross replies that it’s probably the compulsory mark of the procedure that transforms regular people in CROWs. Tiedoll says that Cross knows a lot, as expected of someone who’s able to use magic –he shrugs off the compliment – and Kanda asks when and how exactly someone like him learned it. He angrily says he didn’t learn it anywhere and ends the question at Allen’s remark that he always gets angry when people ask.

Ryo’s note: This is interesting. Could imply he was the one to teach magic to Nea (and the Earl himself?), and not the other way around. But, it’s also possible he just didn’t want to answer.

≫ “What is something you find impressive on the other, but have never admitted?”

Johnny decides to start with Kanda and Allen, and the two exchange insults for several lines.

Johnny then passes the baton to the Generals, who do the exact same as their apprentices.

Johnny ends the question with a thank you and sweating nervously.

Ryo’s note: By “insults”, I mean things like Kanda calling Allen a crybaby, and Allen saying Kanda’s dumb. Tiedoll calls Cross a delinquent; Cross calls him “doting dad”. The list goes on…

≫ The time Kanda spent with General Tiedoll right after becoming his apprentice (+ Allen’s time with Cross)

They are asked what was the most outstanding episode from such a time, and Kanda absentmindedly says he forgot. Tiedoll seems disappointed, stating they had made so many marvelous memories together, to which Kanda replies “please stop talking in this weird way”.

Allen asks how the travels were, and Tiedoll says the most important at that time was to take care of mending Kanda’s heart. They spent much time talking about amenities, having contact with plants and animals and admiring beautiful landscapes. Tiedoll believes that getting in touch with beautiful things can help to connect with the world, despite carrying the burden of being a Second; he wanted Kanda to feel like regular people feel about the world.

Johnny and Allen are touched, and the latter comments how jealous he is. Cross then reminds Allen of how many bedsheets he had to wash because of him, making him flustered. He then goes on to remind how not only he did that but also had to feed him – Tiedoll comments on how it seems impossible to imagine Cross doing all that – and even help him change many times.

Allen’s embarrassment reaches the maximum and he threatens to beat Cross if he keeps talking about that.

≫ Stories of when Kanda and Lenalee were little

Kanda tries to shrug the question off, but Johnny insists they answer. Tiedoll says that the two of them were really cute, just like two lilies that bloomed inside the gray scenery of the Order; Kanda tells him to stop.

Allen is uninterested in Kanda, but wants to hear about Lenalee. Cross asks him if he likes her, and says he thought he had a girlfriend in the Asian Branch already. Allen denies it and says both LouFa and Lenalee are his friends; Cross laughs, saying he doesn’t judge, and Allen nearly snaps in irritation (again).

Johnny moves on to answer the question; Kanda is against it, but Tiedoll holds him in place. Johnny tells that Jiji told him that at first, Kanda would be asked if Lenalee could train with him, but he would shrug her off saying he didn’t want to train with a girl, which would make her cry.

Every time Kanda made Lenalee cry, she would run off to Reever. In reality, Johnny thinks she wanted to talk to Komui instead, but she thought he was busy and didn’t want to bother him, resulting in her crying at Reever’s desk. Tiedoll and Allen are weeping at it (they thought it’s cute).

While Reever comforted Lenalee, Marie would appear bringing Kanda along, who had no idea how to apologize, while Lenalee would bashfully hide inside Reever’s lab coat. This kept happening until he eventually accepted to train with her.

Johnny starts telling another story involving Kanda’s meditation and Lenalee coming back tired from a mission, but Kanda interrupts him. Allen says it’s being fun and tells him not to bother.

Kanda tells him to shut up, calling him a bedwetter. Allen snaps (again).

Ryo’s note: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

≫ “Who amongst the Noah would Allen best go along with? Hypothetically speaking.”

Allen and Kanda are worn out from fighting (see the previous question); Johnny is giving them calming tea. Tiedoll says that it seems Allen and Tyki Mikk looked friendly when talking to each other, and Allen interjects saying they’re not friends and that Tyki doesn’t respect the notion of personal space.

He then goes on to say he doesn’t imagine himself being friends with any Noah because they lack common sense. Cross mentions Road and how she’s always being flirty with him, which makes Allen tell him to stop implying things, while sounding unsure about being friends with her or not.

Johnny asks if Allen is embarrassed and reminds Road kissed him. He denies being embarrassed and says that kissing is just a form of greeting for her (he’s sweating nervously while saying so). He adds that, on top of that, he feels like Road sees someone else when she looks at him.

Cross seems amused.

Ryo’s note: This answer is very interesting. It seems to confirm the theory that Road had some kind of connection with past!Allen. We won’t know for sure until it’s revealed, but it does seem to imply such a thing.

≫ The taste of Innocence + the Crystal Type Innocence + Exorcist supplies + Cross suspiciously knowing about the Bookman clan

A reader asks how did Innocence taste like when liquefied; Kanda says it tastes like nothing, similar to water.

Johnny points out the wounds that formed after their Innocence became Crystal types and if they don’t hurt. Kanda says that at the time they don’t, but such wounds won’t heal even with his healing ability – which he concludes makes sense since it’s from where the blood comes out to form the weapons.

Johnny mentions that the Science Division (Komui, more specifically) made Lenalee pills that will prevent anemia. Still on that subject, Allen remembers people had asked what goes inside the bags the Exorcists carry on their uniforms. Johnny says they carry first-aid kits, disinfectants, anti-hemorrhagic meds, and things of the sort. Miranda and Timothy carry sweets with a high intake of calories, Krory carries Akuma blood sweets and Lavi and Bookman asked for migraine meds.

Tiedoll says they are nothing without the support of the Science Division and thanks them. Allen asks about Lavi and Bookman getting migraines. Cross mentions it’s probably from an occupational disease because storing that much information and memories can wreck your head over time.

Allen comments again that he seems to know a lot about the Bookman Clan, and that it’s very suspicious. Cross magnificently shrugs off the question.

≫ Allen’s cheating

Allen gets asked if he becomes bad at luck games (i.e gambling) in case he doesn’t cheat. He says that a bet on luck always rewards something even if gains are small, but Johnny says he’s really bad at things like rock-paper-scissors. Kanda thinks he was just in denial about admitting he’s unlucky.

When scolded by Kanda, Allen says it was a matter of survival and that he never cheated good people on; just bad people.

Johnny says living like this is dangerous and that he should stop; Allen apologizes and says he needs money, and if anything, he can use his Innocence.

Cross is amused and sounds proud. Tiedoll regrets Cross’s influence on Allen.

≫ About Link

Allen gets asked if he has ever seen Link smile, to which he responds he has tried making him laugh/smile, but never could do it. Johnny says that everyone from Central is very serious, especially Link. Tiedoll thinks that it might be forbidden to smile when their superior is Director Lvellie.

Allen goes on to ramble about how Link complained about everything: when he had food on his face after or during eating, asking him to redo reports because they were illegible despite Reever being able to read, scolding him for not drying his hair after going out of the bath because he could get a cold, and how he was a shame for not folding his uniform properly before putting it away.

Cross asks him, “what was he? Your mother?” and Allen says he didn’t get annoyed at him. He wonders if all moms are like this.

Johnny says people were worried when he was assigned to watch Allen, but in the end, Link went along well with everyone and confirms that Allen liked him as well. He also states that Allen’s reports became a lot easier to read thanks to him.

Ryo’s note: Ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary folks: it’s Link appreciation time! *tips hat* Also Allen wondering about how mothers treat their children was just precious, even if it’s a throwaway comment.

≫ The vibe at the Black Order

In the question “Who runs faster, Komui or Reever?”, Johnny says that he thinks Reever is faster; Allen adds that Komui cheats by using Komurin, though. Kanda gets annoyed and tells them they (at the Science Division) should make Komui behave accordingly to his role. Johnny sniffs and says that they try.

Tiedoll says that it’s actually good that Komui is cheerful because the Order used to be a very different place until he took over the post, and that he (Tiedoll) disliked the gloomy aura it used to have. Allen remembers Lenalee commented about it once and asks if the Order was really this different back then. Tiedoll says that even if it’s been built with a noble purpose, human beings aren’t perfect and a lot of things get distorted over a hundred years. He recommends Allen to ask For about it, as she has existed ever since the Order was founded and protects it to this day.

Allen is sad and comments he wants to visit the Asian Branch again someday. Johnny says he’ll go with Allen, but the latter says he would want to eat Jeryy’s food again before that. Cross sneers and wishes good luck.

They wrap it up at this, and both Kanda and Allen look very happy about being done with the Discussion Corner (as noted by Johnny). Tiedoll bids Cross adieu, and says “rest in peace, Marian” – to which he replies “don’t treat me like a ghost”.

Allen says he knows Cross is an illusion created by his weakness, but that he was happy to see him (in reference to the 222nd Night: Searching for A.W - Hypokrisis). Cross tells him not to exaggerate.

Johnny is content that they could finally keep it to the ideal number of pages – something the Discussion Corner is known to usually have trouble with. Tiedoll says that if they had gone overboard, the next issue’s Discussion Corner would be canceled, and wraps up thanking everyone who has cared about Yu so far and asks that people keep cheering for him.

Johnny thanks the readers for sending their questions. Allen and Kanda are relieved it’s over.

Ryo’s note: And that’s it! Man, this got LONG. Thank you very much for reading until the end. Can’t wait for the next Discussion Room, the way Tiedoll worded it makes it seem like it’ll be on the next volume, 28. I’m excited!

If you're interested in seeing more DGM content from me, feel free to check my masterlist here.