#people pretending to give a fuck about me without actually trying to talk to me

[itmightbeneb]

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[kaiijo]

TOLD YOU SO — ITOSHI SAE

pairing: itoshi sae x fem! reader content: reader wears a dress, a little possessive behavior on sae’s end, oliver aiku cameo notes: pretty eyes = pretty guys

You love Sae, you really do. Behind that apathetic, disinterested exterior lies a heart that beats in turn with yours. You love him, you really, really do, and you have to remind yourself of that as you ignore the side-eye he’s giving you that’s tinged with a certain smugness and screams, I told you so.

Okay, so it definitely was not the smartest move to forego a coat when you knew that this fundraiser was going to be on an outdoor rooftop bar in late fall. But none of your coats went with the dress you were wearing — a long, low-backed, satin number — which was the only thing you had that was formal enough for the event. Sae had looked you up and down when you two were getting ready in your apartment and said, “You’re going to be cold.”

“I’m fine,” you insisted, “it’s not even that cold out.”

“You need to bring a coat.”

“I’m really fine, Sae. I run hot, remember?”

He glanced at your outfit again and said, “You’re going to be freezing.”

You shrugged and gave him a cheeky smile. “Then I’ll just wear your coat.”

He rolled his eyes. “No way, I’m not going to be cold because of your poor judgment.”

You hummed, “I think you will.”

“And I think you’ll be freezing.”

“Guess we’ll both have to wait and see whose right.”

You really hate when he’s absolutely and utterly correct in an argument, because at the moment, you’re trying your best to pretend that the goosebumps climbing your skin is not due to the chilly evening air. You refuse to meet Sae’s eyes, enviously peeking at his suit jacket.

You shiver as a breeze blows by and you huff to yourself, mumbling that you’re going to get a drink. Maybe indulging in the open bar will warm you up. You weave through the crowd and make it to the bar, sighing when you feel the warmth from one of the few heat lamps set up around the area. You swear that your boyfriend made the two of you purposely stand in a corner without one to prove a point.

You order a martini and sip it as you stand in the heat for a few more seconds, relishing in it. It’s not total protection from the cold but it definitely helps some.

You feel someone sidle up next to you and say, “You’re Sae’s girlfriend, right?”

You turn and face the owner of the voice, extending your free hand. “Yeah, that’s me. Oliver Aiku, right?”

“In the flesh,” he chuckles and he shakes your hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you. We’ve been bugging Itoshi to introduce us since we saw you on his home screen.”

You smile involuntarily. That photo is from when you and Sae really started getting serious in your relationship, and he took you on a surprise trip to a little cottage in Mallorca. “Yeah, we’ve been trying to keep things pretty private.”

Oliver hums, “I get that, but it’s nice to finally meet the person who makes him actually crack a smile for once.”

You laugh at that and the two of you carry on a pleasant conversation. You finally get how so many people fall victim to Oliver’s charms, especially after so much press about his tendency towards womanizing; he’s easy to talk to, friendly, definitely charismatic, and undoubtedly easy on the eyes. At the end of the day, though, you wouldn’t trade your grumpy, green-eyed boyfriend for anyone in the world. Not when you get to see the softer edges of him when his walls crumble and he falls into your arms. You wouldn’t trade that for anything.

A particularly strong gust of wind makes you stiffen and set your glass down, wrapping your arms around yourself. Okay, you’ll finally admit it aloud: “It’s fucking freezing.”

Oliver raises an eyebrow and before you know it, he’s shrugging out of his jacket and draping it over your bare shoulders. “Better?”

You let out a sigh. “Much.”

“Aiku.” Sae’s voice sounds from behind you, tone sharp.

“Itoshi!” Oliver ignores the ice in your boyfriend’s tone as he motions to you. “Can’t believe you’ve been keeping this one from us! She’s certainly a charmer.”

Sae glares at him. “I know, she’s my girlfriend, which is why I don’t understand why she’s wearing your coat.”

“Oh, she said she was cold.”

Sae gives you a look, frowns, and he slides his jacket off his shoulders and holds it out to you. “Take this,” he says and you do, hiding your giddiness as you hand Oliver his jacket back. You sink into Sae’s suit jacket, letting the familiar scent of his cologne flood your senses.

Oliver pats your shoulder and says, “It was nice to meet you! Don’t be a stranger, ‘kay?” He disappears into the crowd and it’s your turn to give Sae a smug look.

“Don’t even,” he says.

You lean into him and he wraps an arm around your shoulder. “Guess we were both right in the end.”

[f1goat]

more than friends + lando norris x part five

In which your best friend wants to help you so you get more sexual experience, but he discovers quickly that he never wants to share you and your new sexual experience with others.

masterlist - playlist

warnings: smut with a plot or a plot with smut? :) minors dni! i never proofread so probably grammar or spelling errors

requested: yes, based on: something with a driver sister that’s still a virgin & lando (her bestfriend) suggests to teach her things (ofc pretending for it to bot mean anything), while he’s actually in love with her

part one / part two / part three / part four

You can’t help yourself and stare at Lando, just like a lot of others are doing right now. He’s absolutely glowing and taking in the attention he’s getting. After his deleted lap time from yesterday, he came back stronger then ever. Right now he’s standing on the podium claiming his well deserved trophy for the second place in the race. You smile while staring at him. Podiums look good on him. Insanely good. 

“You did so good!” You almost scream when Lando comes to you later day afternoon. He’s still glowing from his podium. You can smell the faint odor from the champagne. You wonder about kissing Lando, will you taste it then? Lando doesn’t talk at first, he just hugs you. You continue to praise him in the mean time. 

“You know what this means, right baby?” Lando eventually whispers into your ear. You think back at his words from yesterday. Is he serious? “I want you to get into my drivers room, so I can get my celebration right after debriefing,” Lando tells you. 

You feel your cheeks heating up and reddening. Fuck. 

“Can you wait there for me babygirl?” Lando asks you. You can only nod as response, if you even knew what to say right now you’re sure the words would get lost on your tongue. Lando makes things even worse by pressing a kiss against your forehead. You wish you could feel his lips on yours right now, but you’re fully aware of all the cameras around you. Tomorrow - or maybe this afternoon already - you will see this fragment of your life all over your socials. 

Lando walks away from you. You know what to do now. Lando was clear about his wishes, and who are you to deny them from him? Without giving it a second thought, you walk towards the McLaren motorhome. It’s not hard to get into Lando his drivers room, probably because everyone around you knows who you are. Instead of talking to the mechanics who are still here instead of getting ready to party, you walk directly towards Lando his drivers room. They let you. 

In Lando his drivers room you suddenly start to feel a bit nervous. What does Lando expect from you? He made his wishes clear yesterday and today. Apparently he wants to eat you out? The thought alone makes you feel more nervous. Although you have no idea why. Lando is probably pretty good at it, so it will be more of a celebration for you then him. Right? Maybe it’s the thought of Lando coming this close to your private parts. What if they don’t look good enough? You try to shake off those thoughts. 

You know that a debrief can cost some time, so you try to kill the time by scrolling on your socials. You like every post about Lando his podium. When you see a notification from Lando popping up on your screen, you almost drop your phone on the floor. Is he serious?

Lando: 5 minutes babe

Lando: maybe you can already lose some clothes ;)

The thought of waiting for Lando while being in your lingerie only - or maybe even naked, makes you feel all kind of things. Your stomach is tightening by only the thought already. You don’t even realize that you’re already kicking of your sneakers. It feels like everything is happening on some sort of automatic pilot. You don’t even think about the possibility of other people walking in to this room. Even though the possibility is kinda high. You don’t care about things like that right now. In no time is the floor covered in the clothes you were wearing earlier. The only thing left on your body is your lingerie. It’s a black set, nothing to exciting, but it does look nice. You doubt a bit if you want to keep it on or off. Eventually you decide to take it off as well. 

Thank god for the warm weather today, because you’re already shivering from only the thought that Lando can come in any second. It feels weird to wait here for him while being naked. You realize that Lando never saw you naked before. All the cons are weighting up, but you can’t stop thinking about Lando finding you like this. Will this be what he expected? Or will this be a surprise for him? 

When the door opens you start to feel extremely aware of your surroundings and your own bareness. You’re relieved when you see that Lando is the one to open the door. He is quick to close the door when he sees you waiting for him. After that he’s even quicker to get towards you. 

Lando can’t tear his eyes away from you. He realizes that he’s staring and that there’s a chance that it makes you feel uncomfortable right now. But he really can’t look away from you. He never saw you like this before. All the things that happened between the two of you before, happened with you in clothes. He can’t say he didn’t imagine about your body before, but in some way it’s even more beautiful then he already thought. He lets his gaze go over every small detail of your body. 

He looks at your breasts and notices the way your nipples resemble small pebbles. He wants nothing more then to shower them in kisses right now. He wants to take your nipple into his mouth until he felt the hardness of it on his tongue, only to switch over to your other nipple after that. He lets his stare slide towards your most private part. You’re sitting with your legs crossed over each other, causing him to imagine the way your pussy will look. 

It can’t be right that you’re without a doubt the girl who has the most impact on him. Seeing you like this has made him rock hard in only seconds. His dick is throbbing painfully. He remembers himself that this is about you - and not about him. You’re the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, with and without clothes.

You feel uncomfortable when Lando doesn’t say anything. Was it a mistake to undress this far already? When you start to think about questioning him about it, Lando lets out a soft sound. You look at him. Lando is still taking in your body. You notice that he’s looking at you full with adoration, or are you making that up? 

Lando comes closer and closer to you. When he’s finally close enough, he eagerly puts his mouth onto your lips. He gives you a soft peck on the lips before moving the two of you towards the couch in the drivers room. Lando pulls you onto his lap, instead of normally this time he makes sure you face him. He doesn’t want your body to get out of his sight right now. 

He presses a kiss against your neck. “Fucking hell babygirl,” he finally mutters. Then he presses another kiss against your body, this time it’s to your collarbone. “I didn’t expect to walk into you being naked already,” Lando continues to say to you, “Such a beautiful surprise,” he adds before pressing his lips against your body again. He presses multiple kisses against your body, at first closely to your collarbone again but after a bit he moves his lips down. He’s getting close to your breasts. 

You’re already trembling under Lando his touch. Lando grunts. “Can I touch you babygirl?” He asks you. You’re quick to tell him yes. Lando takes on of your breasts into his hand, he kneads it while looking at you. 

“You’re such a good girl,” he tells you.

Your stomach tightens. You feel your cheeks reddening. Why are those small words doing so much to you? You’re glad that Lando isn’t paying attention to your face, because you’re sure that it’s reddish from blushing this much. Lando is busy paying attention to your breasts. He lowers his face to get closer to your tits. He is still kneading on of them. You almost jump up when you feel his lips against the other tit. He presses soft kisses against it, before sucking on the skin. You quietly follow Lando his movements with your eyes. It doesn’t take him long before pressing a kiss against your hardened nipple. After that he takes your nipple inside his mouth. Softly you feel him suck onto it. 

When Lando pulls back, you let out a soft whimper. Lando switches his movements. He moves his hand away from your breast, to put it back onto the other one. He presses kisses against your tit that he was kneading earlier. Before you realize it, your other nipple is in his mouth. 

It surprises you when you feel your pussy clenching. It amazes you that you even start to feel that you’re getting pretty wet. Lando his mouth is doing all kind of things to you, but you can’t complain about one tiny part of it.

Lando removes his lips and hand from your breasts again. This time he moves his hands downwards, he is quick to get close to your private parts. It annoys you when he doesn’t touch you where you need him, but keeps a bit above of the place. Suddenly without realizing it, you let out a soft whine. 

“What’s wrong babygirl?” Lando asks you. You notice the small smirk on his face. It makes you realize that he’s doing this on purpose. What a tease. You can’t tell him that, every word that leaves your mouth is begging Lando to do something about the way you’re feeling.

“I need you,” you softly whimper.

Lando lets out a low groan. Fuck, what you just told him makes him even harder. That’s actually insane. He moves his hands away from your vagina even further. He softly lifts you up and puts you next to himself onto the couch. Only to get of the couch himself after that. He takes your legs into his hands. Slowly he spreads your legs for him. 

You look at Lando. He doesn’t look back at you. All his attention is onto your slit. Before you can feel uncomfortable about it, Lando starts to shower you with compliments about it.

“Such a pretty pussy,” Lando tells you with a low voice. He lets his hand slide around it carefully. He makes sure that he isn’t already touching your clit or entrance, he focuses himself onto your lips. He enjoys teasing you a bit. This is his celebration after all, right? He looks at the frustrated emotions that you’re displaying on your face. He realizes that you really need him. Lando never wants you to need anyone else. 

He softly spreads your lips a bit with his hands. 

“So beautiful,” he continues to tell you. 

This time he slides his finger through your slit. It surprises him how wet you’re already are. He coats his finger in your slick. 

“So wet already,” he murmurs to you.

He presses a soft kiss against the inside of your thighs. 

“Is that all for me babygirl?” He asks you.

“Yes,” you tell him eagerly.

“Who’s the one who made you this wet?” Lando continues to ask you. He needs to hear you say it. He needs to hear it that this is all because of him. 

“You Lando,” you softly confess, “It’s all for you.”

Lando lets out a soft moan after hearing your words. He presses a few more kisses against your thighs. He moves a bit closer to your pussy, but makes sure that he isn’t coming closer then your lips. You let out a frustrated whine. 

“I need more Lando,” you tell Lando a bit ashamed. 

Lando presses a soft kiss against your clit this time. He’s quick to move away from it after making his move.

“More,” you whimper.

Lando grins. He softly slides his finger over your clit a couple times, but makes sure that it’s not enough. He presses more kisses against your inner thighs. Suddenly he starts to think about you begging him. The thought is making him even harder. He looks at you. How hot would it be if you ask him to lick you? 

“What do you need baby?” Lando asks you. 

He makes sure that his finger is laying dangerously close to your clit right now. Almost onto it, but still a bit too far away. 

“You,” you whimper.

“No, no,” Lando tuts, “I asked you, what do you need? What do you want me to do babygirl?”

You stay silent for a bit. Lando moves his finger even closer to your clit. Softly he touches it. It makes you tremble under his touch. It’s unfair what he’s doing to you. It’s even more unfair how fast he can make you feel like this. For a few seconds you wonder if anyone else can make you ever feels like this, you highly doubt it.

“If you don’t tell me baby, I can’t make you feel any better,” Lando teases you. 

“Fuck,” you groan, “Tease.”

“Just tell me babygirl,” Lando continues to tease you. 

“I want you to, fuck,” you stutter, “I want you to lick me.”

Lando doesn’t reply verbally anymore. He presses a soft kiss against your clit before starting to do what you asked from him. Slowly he licks around your pussy. He makes sure to lick every tiny part of it, before coming back to your clit. He presses another kiss against it, before using soft licks onto it. He makes sure that he’s not going to fast, but also not to slow. He wants you to enjoy this as much as he’s enjoying it right now. He increases his pace a bit after hearing you letting out multiple moans. 

In the mean time he slides his finger around your slit. He slowly brings it to your entrance, but doesn’t push it inside. Yet. Lando knows it’s teasing and maybe even a bit mean, but he needs to hear you beg even more for him right now. He has fallen in love with the desperate voice you used earlier with him. He wants to know that he’s the one who makes you feel like this and that you need him to come. 

You buck your hips. Hopefully Lando gets the hint. You want his finger inside of you. Maybe even more then one now that you think of it. Lando doesn’t response to your movement. You open your eyes to look at him. To your surprise he’s already looking back at you. Before speaking up, you admire the way he looks between your legs. 

He’s still making short licks onto your clitoris. Sometimes he switches and licks around your whole slit. But the things he’s doing to your clit right now, are the things that feel the best. Although, you can use a bit more.

“More,” you softly say. 

“More?” Lando asks you. You let out a soft whimper when he removes his mouth from your pussy. He looks at you. His finger replaces the movements his tongue made earlier. It still feels good, but not as good as before.

“Please,” you beg Lando. 

“Tell me what you want baby,” Lando states. He increases his pace with his finger. He likes looking at you while you look like this. You’re shaking underneath his touch. Moans are falling out your mouth like they’re your new language. Lando wishes he could save this memory so he could look back at it to see all the small details, again and again. His cock is throbbing even more painfully then before. He needs release as well. 

“How longer you take, how longer you will miss my tongue onto your pussy,” Lando tells you. He hears a soft whine leaving your lips.

“I need your fingers,” you eventually confess. 

“Ask me,” Lando tells you sternly. He can’t help himself. He has fallen in love with your pleads.

“Can you finger me?” You ask Lando softly with red cheeks, before Lando can say anything you add another word. “Please Lan?”

His boner almost explodes when hearing the soft please Lan coming from your lips. He doesn’t say anything anymore, he’s quick to move his lips back to your clit and to move his fingers to your entrance again. This time he licks your clit even faster. He hears moans coming from you. Is it bad that he’s getting addicted to that sound? He realizes that he wants to hear you like this forever. No one else should ever hear you like this he even thinks. 

Lando pushes one of his fingers softly inside of you. He feels your walls clenching around his finger. Easily he pushes in and out of your pussy. It doesn’t take him long before using another finger. He starts to finger fuck you with two of his fingers. In the mean time he focusses on eating you out. He softly sucks onto you clit. It makes you almost scream. 

“Lan,” you loudly moan when he sucks a bit harder onto your clit.

He doesn’t response verbally, he just keeps increasing his pace. Waiting for you to come. Your walls are starting to clench even more around his fingers. Lando feels how your clit is starting to throb inside his mouth. You feel your stomach tighten. Moans keep coming out of your mouth. You can’t stop yourself. 

“I’m close,” you tell Lando. He reacts by sucking harder on your clit. He moves his fingers faster inside of you. He notices a soft spongy spot inside of you and gives it all his attention from now on. You let out a hard moan. 

“Can I come?” You suddenly ask Lando.

He’s overwhelmed by your question. Fuck. It’s insane how it feels that you’re asking him for permission to come. In the mean time you have more trouble with holding back your orgasm. You feel waves of pleasure hitting over you. 

“Lan?” You quickly ask. 

Lando removes his lips from your clit for a couple seconds. No longer then necessary. “Of course babygirl,” he tells you before sucking harshly onto your clit again. He repeats his movements from earlier, but his eyes are focused on your face. He looks at the way you close your eyes when the first waves of your orgasm are washing over you. He notices the way your lips are partly open, only to let out a couple of soft moans. When you press your legs closer together, Lando stops his movements and pulls back. He doesn’t want to overstimulate you. At least, not today. It would be a nice thing to do in the future. 

Lando waits for you to say something. In the mean time he sucks your slit of his own fingers. He takes place next to you on the couch. You quickly lay down against him. 

“Fuck,” you mutter, “that was really good.”

“Glad that you liked it,” Lando replies with a small grin. His cock is still throbbing inside of his racesuit. “You tasted better then that champagne,” Lando tells you. You let out a laugh. Without thinking about it you press a kiss against Lando his lips, he is quick to turn it into more. When his tongue slides into your mouth, you taste the faint taste of yourself on his tongue. 

“Do you want me to do something for you as well?” You ask Lando softly.

“I wished,” Lando grunts, “but we have a dinner and a party to get ready for.”

“Maybe later tonight?” You suggest.

“I like the way you’re thinking babygirl,” Lando replies to you. 

“I just want to feel your lips on my clit again,” you confess laughingly. 

“Next time I won’t stop after your orgasm.”

“You think I can come more then once?” You ask surprised.

“You can add a lesson about overstimulation to the teaching plan babe,” Lando tells you jokingly, but none of his words are a joke. He wants to spend a whole evening between your legs and pull everything orgasm out of you that you have.

part six

this is my favorite part so far :)) hope everyone liked it!

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[mrsrdlw]

“Will you forgive me, please?”

Warnings: angst; eddie and reader are in a one year relationship; reader almost burst from stress; verbal fight; happy ending (the only right way, cuz i can’t stand when it ends sadly:)), no use of y/n (she is referred as sweetie/sweetheart), let me know if i’m missing something something

wc: 1.9k

summary: Reader is going crazy with how much is going on on her life. Studying for the final exams, work with terrible people. But on a weekend, when Eddie comes without warning you, you both fought for the first time in your relationship.

Being Eddie's girlfriend was the best part of your life. You loved him and the way he treated you. You've been together for a year now and, between this time, you got to know all sides of him. Goofy, funny, kind, sexy. But you've never seen him get mad. Pissed? Of course! All the time, he would be complaining about things or cursing other people who were assholes with him. But he was never mad, at least not with you.

But there was one specific time when you were having a terrible week. With the final exams, not to mention you mentoring other students, you were one step away from losing it. And there was your boss giving you the same speech all week because one of your co-workers snitched you for kissing your boyfriend at work. It was just a smooch!

"This girl's a bitch. Probably never touched a dick in her life!" That's what Eddie said to you.

But, by the end of the week, you were on edge. And being busy all the time, you never got the chance to spend a single minute with your boyfriend. But he would have to wait, the finals were more important now. Eddie didn't seem to agree. He showed up at your door with movies in his hands.

"Hey sweetie, i'm sorry i'm a little late. Had to kick some ass to get out of Family Video" You just hummed, trying to understand what was wrong with your calculus. "I'm great, thanks for asking!"

On his way he, unfortunately, met Jason at the same place. He didn't actually fought him, just some heated exchange of words. It got him a little pissed, but he was going to spend the night with you, so he pretended that he was fine. He was hoping that you would make him feel better.

"Eddie you can put the movie, i don't mind, but i'll not pay attention. I really need to review this"

"Yeah sweetheart, whatever you say" Of course. He was not listening, looking for some candies in your cabinet.

He sat by your side and kept talking to you. You were trying so hard not to cut him off, you really missed him, but you couldn't allow yourself that privilege of five minutes making out with him. So by the end of the first movie he brought, he started to say some curious facts about it but you let out a groan. "Fuck. Why physics were so hard?” You thought to yourself.

"Alright, stop. What the fuck? I've be trying to talk to you for the whole week, but you were too busy. Now that is your time to relax you're going to keep studying?" He said with a serious tone. At first you were quiet, waiting for him to calm down so you would not fight. But he said, louder this time "Say something, damn it!"

"What do you want me to say Eddie? I need to-" you were cut out

"Please, don't you think you studied enough? The whole week, is all you've been doing. You’re gonna burst into flames from thinking too much."He was now facing you, your book long forgotten as the both of you started to lose it.

"Well, for some of us, the constancy is required! I am not doing very good in this subject. I'm just trying to do my best and you should be doing the same." He shifted his body and giggled in a sarcastic way.

"Oh yes, let's remember that i was held back. So original. That's very dirty bellow the belt of you sweetheart." His facial expression was full of disappointment and anger.

"Can you not contort my words? I said as you should be doing your best too so you don't get held back again!" You regretted the time you said it. It was dirty of you and his eyes were not looking into yours anymore. "I know i was not very present this week, but can't you just wait 'till the goddamn exams to end. I don't know what happened for you be so rude but you shouldn't be taking it out on me!"

He was not looking at you, fidgeting with his rings, thinking of the right thing to say so you could stop fighting.

"All i wanted was to spend time with you, what the fuck is wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong, is just that i told you that i needed to get good at this."

"That's the fucking point, there's nothing to get better at, you've been working on it for so long, there is nothing new to see! Fuck, you’re not even answering when i talked to you."

"Stop being fucking dramatic Eddie! Do you think i like this, the way that i'm on the edge right now? Fighting with my boyfriend and friends, not having a fucking second to breathe because it feels like everything i do is wrong?"

"And i am the one dramatic. Let me give you a heads up. It's not the end of the fucking world if you fail a test. Besides, you couldn't do it even if you tried. You had to have sucked in the other tests to be held back, like me."

"Oh my god! Why don't you grow up a little and see how this is important to me? Look, we both are angry for some reason and are not in conditions to talk. I think is the best for the both of you for you to leave. So we don't hurt ourselves anymore."

"You always have to be so good and solve every damn problem, right? Only so in the end i can be the bad guy. Honestly, why are you the one to say what we should or shouldn't do?"

"Because it's my fucking house and i want you to leave!"

At this point, after wrestling and yelling at each other, you were with tears in your eyes panting without knowing what to do. Eddie gulped, stepped back and, not saying a word, he left.

The tears were rolling down your cheeks. Now there was no way you would focus on physics. You regretted so much. All the words said in the heat of the moment. You didn't mean any of them. And he probably didn't. You both said things to hurt each other in order to be right. Eddie was definitely upset about something, not just the lack of your attention. But now was not the time to find out.

——————

After a week, you finish every school exam and were finally free from school. And back in work, your co-worker was fired. She was caught fucking a random guy that you didn’t know on the boss’s office . “Guess Eddie was wrong” you thought giggling but getting upset the second after. You both have been avoiding each other. Eddie didn’t want to bother you and you didn’t want to hurt him. But it was time. You were tired of tearing up every time you remembered your fight.

So, at the end of your shift, you drove to the trailer park. It was the first time you fought and you hated. The feeling was that, at any second, you would lose him.

Knocking at his door, you stood there, waiting for him.

“Coming.” You heard his muffled voice. When he opened the door, he had an annoyed expression that shifted to a concerned one once he saw it was you. He was shirtless, wet hair and sweatpants that hung low on his hips. You didn’t know if it was because of the long week not seeing him, but he looked incredibly handsome. “Hey” It was the only thing he could say, surprised by your appearance.

“Hi… Can we talk.” You said hesitant, not knowing where to start.

“Sure. Please” He opened the door wider letting you in. Guiding you on the couch, where you both sat in awkward silence. It didn’t even look like you two were together for a long time. “I assume you’re here to talk about last weekend.” You nodded trying your best not to cry already which was really hard because of the way he looked at you.

“Look Eddie, i don’t even know where to start. We both lost our senses and said terrible things we shouldn’t. I honestly feel like-“ A feeling you grew accustomed in the past week grew in your throat. You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. “I felt like i was losing my mind and that everything i was doing was wrong. You were right. I was taking too much at once and i couldn’t take it.”

“No no no. Sweetheart, i was the wrong one. I was worried about you and my own shit and i put that on your shoulders.” He said whipping your cheeks. “And as i usually do, to run away from my problems, i pretended that none of that was happening and didn’t realize how important studying was for you. I am truly sorry for that and for the fight.”

You hugged him tightly. His hands surrounded your waist and his nose nestled on your neck, sniffing your sent. He’d missed you deeply. “I’m sorry too” you said softly and moving away just enough to see his face. “I just want you to know that i don’t meant shit from what i’ve said. That was awful of me. I felt awful. I hope you can forgive me.”

“Of course i forgive you, sweetie. I was supposed to be the one apologizing. I also didn’t mean any of that crap. You forgive me too?” He said giving you a smirk that made you giggle.

“Yes. But only if you tell me why you were so worked up that night.”

“Oh shit, you’re right. My week was not great either. You know how much i hate finals. Before going to yours, i stopped at Family Video and i met with Jason Carver. And well, you know the story, he calls me a freak and i pretend that he hurt my feelings. But that night, he started to talk shit about us, like you were way out of my league. And until then i was like, tell me something i don’t know. But then the son of a bitch called you a whore and that you probably sold yourself for one fuck in exchange for a review of any subject. And i was like “what the fuck dude?”. I just lost my mind. Thank the metal gods that Steve stopped me from beating his face.”

“Oh my god! You could have told me” You don’t even know why you said that. You literally fought because you were too into your studies.

“It’s alright. He normally doesn’t piss me off. But I just can’t accept him talking shit about you. As if he knew you enough to call you a whore.”

The good thing is that you got back to normal and cuddled for the rest of the day. Eddie wanted to stay close to you as much as he could, so he asked begged for you to stay over. So here you were, before going to sleep telling how much you loved each other.

“Good night baby” Even in the dark room, you could see his beautiful eyes looking at you with so much love

“Good night Eds” Closing your eyes ready to sleep, felling your man’s hand caressing you, you were sure that you were in heaven. Out of the sudden you remembered.

“Eds!” You turned fast to him scaring him a little “You won’t believe what happened.”

“What?” Poor man, he was half asleep. You giggled at his confused face.

“Apparently, that girl from work did a lot more than touching dick…”

“I told you she was a bitch. A man knows”

“Shut up”

*if you have any ideas/request/sugestions; please sent it to me, my inbox is open. :)

[cookinguptales]

Can I ask you to do a post about Disney & disability please? You mentioned it and I’d love to know more!

Well, my notifications can't get any messier, so why not?

This post got very, very long because I ended up talking about a lot of the accessibility solutions in detail (and... ranting about how accessibility at Universal was so bad that I got physically injured there) so I'm putting it under a cut for you.

To preface this, I have mobility issues (as well as a lot of food intolerances/allergies) and general chronic illness, my sister is Deaf, and I have friends who regularly attend the park with autistic family members with high support needs. These are the disabilities I have experience with, so while I've heard a bit about others (such as portable descriptive devices for visitors with visual impairments) I can't speak as much about those accommodations.

I have also traveled quite a bit, mostly as a disabled adult. I can work from anywhere and my family enjoys traveling, so I've been very lucky in this regard. I also used to live in central Florida, not too far from Disney, and benefited from their FL resident rates.

So I'm coming at this from a person who has a lot of experience traveling while disabled and a fair amount of experience going to WDW, though I haven't been nearly as often since I moved out of Florida.

(Good fucking riddance.)

So know that I am speaking from experience when I say I have never, without exception, been to a single place half as accessible as Walt Disney World. It is literally the reason my family would go there; it was one of the only places we could all safely go together. One of the only places I've been on earth that even approached their level of thoughtful accommodations is Barcelona, which apparently did significant renovations throughout the city in order to prepare for the 1992 Paralympics.

(Hey, if anyone is reading this from Barcelona: I teared up the first time I used one of your curb cuts in my wheelchair, just so you know.)

Going through those parks in a wheelchair is a breeze, though you will probably have to fight a lot of clueless parents with strollers who are hellbent on using resources intended for wheelchair-users and then glaring at you when you try to use them yourself. Level ground, spacious sidewalks, accessible transportation, well-kept gradual ramps, roomy buildings, lots of accessible restrooms, alternate entrances at many rides for wheelchair users, special wheelchair rows in movie theaters that we're loaded into first, accessible queues in most rides designed or renovated in the last fifteen years, special viewing areas for shows/parades/fireworks so you don't end up staring at able-bodied butts for a half hour...

Like, structurally-speaking, the parks are very easy to get around in if you're a wheelchair user. That was built in and you can see a lot of very mindful design choices. As far as the rides go, most of their rides actually have special cars that you can load into while still in a wheelchair. They're pretty neat. I can transfer, but that means often leaving my wheelchair and/or cane with a cast member during the ride. They are always, without fail, waiting for me on the other side of the ride, no matter how far the exit is from the entrance. I have never once had a problem with this. A cast member will be there to put my assistive devices in my hand before I even have to think about getting up. Guaranteed.

Wheelchair users always used to be able to skip the line, but there was unfortunately a problem with able-bodied people pretending to be disabled to skip lines (because god forbid they not have access to a single thing we have to make our lives livable) so now there's a system where if you cannot wait in a line, they'll basically give you a special time to come back that's equivalent to the length of the line. Which feels fair to me as someone who often cannot be in even an accessible line for extended periods. (I have problems with sunlight, heat, and often need emergency food or restroom.)

More important than all this, though, is the fact that cast members are impeccably well-trained in all of this. Any disabled person can tell you that the most accessible design on earth isn't worth shit if the people working there aren't well-trained. (More on this later, when I take a giant shit on Universal Studios.) But Disney trains their employees, many of whom are disabled themselves, incredibly well.

Every employee will know where the accessible entrances are. Every employee will know the procedure for getting a return time. Every employee will know about first-aid centers, and every employee will know where the quiet areas are for people with sensory issues. Every time you make a reservation for a meal, hotel room, transportation, etc. they will ask for all accessibility needs and they'll be ready for you.

Every waiter you have will be incredibly careful and knowledgeable when it comes to special dietary needs, and chefs will often come out to discuss them with you. They often have specific menus for different dietary needs, and they are scrupulous when it comes to allergens. I have a few intolerances that suck and allergies that could kill me and I have always felt very safe in their hands. This ranges from fancy sit-down restaurants to quick service burger places.

And -- honestly, I have just always been treated with respect. I know that sounds like a low bar, but most people do fail to clear it. Disney has their employees very well-trained on how to interact with disabled guests. People speak directly to me, never to the able-bodied people over my head. They never treat me like I'm a child. They never ask invasive questions or make uncomfortable jokes. They never, ever get impatient with my accessibility needs.

The few times I have misjudged things and have injured myself or gotten extremely ill, they were professional and caring as they provided much-needed first-aid. It's kind of embarrassing to be doted on by a costumed character while you wait for a doctor to come help you sit up again, but also kind of endearing, I'll admit.

They also, in addition to captioning all videos in the park, have some of the best sign language interpreters in the world, bar none. They're very personal and professional, they're easy to reserve, they will always be in a visible place during shows, and they're incredible performers as well as being very technically proficient. In addition to the professional interpreters, many cast members, performers, and characters can sign as well.

In addition to that, and this brings me to my next point, you'll meet a lot of disabled employees throughout the park. In front-facing positions. Deaf employees, employees using mobility aids, etc. They're well-known to hire disabled people and treat them well. This is. Fuck, this is incredibly rare, I say as someone who was never able to find a job in Florida with my health conditions. It's the moral thing to do to hire disabled people, but also -- selfishly, there's something so heartening and normalizing about seeing people who look like you working at the park. I'm happy every single time.

I have a little less personal experience when it comes to accessibility for neurodivergence, despite being neurodivergent myself, but I've been told that Disney is very, very accommodating for people on the spectrum. A lot is done to lessen crowding, waiting, sensory overload, etc. for autistic guests. Cast members are usually super good at this; finding designated quiet areas, helping autistic guests avoid more crowded areas, keeping them out of long lines, making sure they have access to any particular experiences that are special to them, etc.

For folks who need help from their group, whether that's an autistic child who needs to be with a parent or a disabled adult who needs someone to push their wheelchair or anything else, Disney has a rider switch-off model. In other words, if you're there with both of your able-bodied parents, for example, and you need one of them to be with you at all times and you don't want to be on the ride yourself, Disney will allow one person to go on the ride while the other waits for them to finish, then will allow the second person to go on without any additional wait. This makes sure that everyone in the family gets equal access without leaving disabled people alone. (Which... can be a very shitty feeling, I assure you.)

I know that Disney has also pioneered a lot of assistive technology. The accessible rides, obviously, which can be ridiculously cool (like Toy Story Midway Mania has an accessible car with alternative "guns" for people with dexterity limitations so they can play the carnival games as well) but also handheld assistive devices for visually impaired guests, etc. Like they are literally inventing new forms of accessibility technology, which is so cool.

And honestly, I'm always learning about new ways they assist disabled guests. I've stayed in Disney's accessible hotel rooms before (they're very nice!) but I don't like to swim so I've never been in the pools. But even just this week, someone told me that Disney has pool lifts for disabled guests, which I had never even considered. That's so cool.

The best part about accessibility at Disney is that in some ways it's very casual. A lot of their design decisions are so intuitive that you never even notice how accessible the parks are until you go somewhere where that's... not the case.

Like -- just so you don't assume that any of these things are industry standard, let me tell you about the two times I went to Universal, a park very close to Disney. I went there once for an event and once with my family.

The first time I went was for an event at the opening of the Harry Potter park. (This was before JKR made her most appalling views public, to be clear.) It... was frustrating. Guests asked if there would be food and drink available for people with special dietary restrictions (such as sugar-free butterbeer) and were pretty much told that no, that was not something they were interested in pursuing. It became very obvious very quickly that the park itself was so narrow that it only barely fulfilled ADA standards -- when empty. We were told that JKR had actually specifically insisted that it feel "cramped". Which is a nice way to say that I couldn't actually get around in any of the stores while people were in them.

It was overall a frustrating experience, but it was like. One night. I figured it was probably a fluke and they were still ironing out all the details. So I ended up going back with my parents later.

Y'all, it was a shit show.

Broken elevators that prevented disabled guests from accessing rides. Performers being up on raised platforms/sidewalks so disabled guests couldn't get to them. Sidewalks being made inaccessible by putting movable signs directly in the middle of them. Stores (even outside of the HP part) that were so damn narrow that I actually ended up getting hurt trying to navigate one of them. And no -- it was not easy to get first aid.

And my god, was the training bad. We went to one of the new HP rides, asked if there was a specific entrance for disabled guests. We were told no. We waited for a very long time in a line that honestly I shouldn't have been waiting in, but I wanted to be a good sport. I was pretty sick by the time we got through it, and the line itself had some very dangerous inclines/turns for wheelchair users. We get to the front of the line -- and the employee asks why we didn't just use the accessible entrance. 🙃

(Side note: several of their rides are also just unrideable if you don't fit within a pretty narrow body type of thin and able-bodied, so... there's that.)

We'd asked repeatedly and gotten incorrect answers, and I'd been put in physical danger as a result. Wild. I started to notice that if you asked different employees, you'd get different answers about almost anything, really. Just exceptionally poor training. Even stuff that should've been a no-brainer, like loading wheelchair users into a stationary movie theater, ended up creating chaos when they did it incorrectly and we had a giant wheelchair pileup.

Like -- let me stress to you that many of the things that happened could have caused actual injury to people. Some of these situations were dangerous. And some of them were just alienating, like when I'd have to wait outside a store while my family could go in.

I never went back after that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We just kept going to Disney.

One thing that'll probably show how good Disney is at accessibility is the whole Make-A-Wish thing. A lot of people know that it's a popular Make-A-Wish request, and you're likely to see at least a couple kids with Make-A-Wish buttons during your visit if you keep an eye out. One reason for this, is that, y'know, Disney World is fun. Kids want to go there. But more important, I think, is that Disney can accommodate people with at-times severe medical needs. Those kids can safely go anywhere and do anything in those parks that able-bodied kids can, and that's important.

All in all, the parks are just so accessible and you will never, ever be made to feel like you're lesser for needing those accommodations. You will be treated so well and you will not have to worry about accessibility because the cast members are always doing it for you. They'll usher you into the correct entrance as soon as they see a mobility device, and they'll do it with a very warm welcome. It's one of the very few places on earth where I have never felt like a burden.

Again, y'know, I know that Disney does not have a perfect track record on a lot of issues. I would never defend them from rightfully earned criticism. I strongly support labor action against them, and I do think they should be criticized whenever they fuck up. I have been uncomfortable with the sheer amount of power they have both in Florida and in the entertainment world just because no one should have that much power. But I am far more uncomfortable with that power being stripped away for blatantly discriminatory political reasons.

I do have some loyalty to Disney just because there is no other place on earth where I've been able to safely have fun with my friends with so little agony. That's... I mean, it's important, really. To be able to just exist in public without getting grief for it. And I have some loyalty to them because they were a safe space for me as a young, queer kid who was not safe being out in other areas of my life.

(Like, I am talking about actual literal safety. I kept seeing notes on my post saying that Disney didn't care about creating a "safe space for queer people" but as someone who lived in Florida for the entirety of my teenage years? It was the safest goddamn place there.)

I do not have enough loyalty to defend them when they do immoral bullshit, but I do have enough to make sure that people know the good that they do as well.

I want other businesses to follow Disney's model for disability. I will praise them forever for what they've done in that regard because if I don't, there's no reason for other companies to follow suit. I want to praise them for the good things they've done so they have incentive to keep doing it, and other companies have an incentive to do it as well.

Like bro, I just wanna be able to move around and be treated with some dignity, y'know? My bar is so low. lmao

But yeah. That's why you always see so many disabled guests at Disney. It's literally the only place some of us can go to have fun.

[cryptocism]

Since I think about clones like I’m getting paid for it, I've been rotating those alternate universe "what if Bart and Thad were actually raised together" scenarios in my brain, with Thad either post-redemption-arc or pre-villainy. Because adjusting Thad's character to fit an ally role while still keeping true to his core motives and personality is so so fascinating to me.

Like I think there's an immediate first instinct to slot Thad into a "bad" twin category: ie rebellious and prickly, doesn't get along with people, mean lil shit. And obviously it's not wrong bc we're outside the realm of canon, but the reading still feels a little left of center.

Because Thad is mean and prickly in canon. In the Impulse comics he belittles Bart and Bart’s friends/family constantly in his appearances. He loves to goad, and monologue about his own superiority and intelligence. He’s very Not Nice, and he causes many problems, and he even does it on purpose.

But, I think it’s important to consider the context. From the jump Thad knows very little about anything except which team he’s on and who he’s playing for. He gets his orders from an unseen authority and he carries out his tasks because success means his team wins.

For all his self-aggrandizing talk, everything he does is in service of an end goal that doesn't actually center him. He's trying to get revenge for grievances he's never personally suffered, retribution for actions never committed against him. Everything he does is on someone else's behalf.

Thad sees in black and white, us or them. Up until the final few issues of Mercury Falling, Bart and co. are Thad's enemies, of course he's not going to be nice.

So Thad's motivation seems pretty simple: Thawne Supremacy™.

But it’s in Mercury Falling where this starts to fall apart, and the real core of his motivation gets revealed. Thad pretends to be Bart and suddenly Helen is nice to him. Bart’s friends think he’s funny. Bart’s teachers are impressed with his grades. Max ruffles his hair and gives him hugs and tells him he’s done a good job.

If he was actually an inherently mean and standoffish character, if Thad actually had significant personal stake in the Thawne VS Allen conflict, the weight of such tiny acts of kindness wouldn’t completely break him the way that it does in canon.

Thad thinks his goal is superiority and revenge and Thawne Supremacy™, but he's chasing validation. Thad doesn’t have a personal stake in the Thawne VS Allen conflict. He wouldn't get much satisfaction if he actually destroyed Bart and his family. Thad's personal victory would be the recognition after the fact: the praise and attention from the other Thawnes (a group of people he has literally never met) for his success.

He wants validation. That's basically it. And the fact that he gets it so easily from Bart's family and friends doesn't align with how he's told himself things are supposed to work.

Actually tangentially, Bart and Thad’s respective relationships to authority is so diametrically opposed and tbh kind of subversive in a superhero narrative. Where the hero is the one carving his own path without regard to social or societal rules, no fucks to give what anybody thinks of it. And the villain is a chronic people-pleaser.

Just based on Thad’s reaction to simple praise and affection from Max I really think Thad’s motivation has more to do with the response he gets than whatever the details are of any given task. He has no actual personal convictions beyond getting positive attention, and whatever he did have crumbled as soon as Bart’s friends laughed at his joke one time. Which of course leads into the core of his whole conflict at the end of Mercury Falling. He cares too much about Bart’s friends and family now, he doesn’t want to kill them, but worse than that, he’s faced with the sudden realization that he’s on the wrong side.

The Allens gave Thad everything he actually wanted and needed, but his conception of himself is inexorably tied to the Thawnes: who gave him jack shit. These two facts are in opposition to each other, and he can’t reconcile the reality of it.

Anyway all this to say, in an AU where Bart and Thad are raised together or Thad gets an actual redemption arc etc etc, I think my personal take on Thad’s personality whether it be pre-or-post-villainy would be one that is extremely socially conscious. He is much more of a people-person than Bart. Whether he's actually accurate in assessing people's feelings and how to respond to them can be hit or miss, but he wants to behave in a way that gets people to like him.

Pretending to be Bart isn’t remarked upon as, like, a difficult task for Thad. In his internal monologue he’s literally bragging to himself about how easy it is. But what’s especially notable to me is where his act differs from Bart's typical MO. Everyone notices, and lots of people comment, and presumably if Thad didn’t have the excuse of Max’s illness to “motivate” Bart to do better he would’ve been found out immediately. And those things are, specifically: paying attention in class, doing his chores, staying on task, and being helpful around the house. The one thing about Bart he chooses not to emulate is Bart’s rebelliousness.

Thad wants to prove himself, constantly, to whatever authority he respects (probably Max in this scenario) and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. In contrast to Bart, who only listens to authority when the shit they're saying actually makes sense to him. It’s excessively difficult to convince him to go against his own interests. (And I think a key part of that is Bart’s security in knowing that no matter how much he fucks up or doesn’t listen, the people he loves will always love him back.)

Thad’s got the people-pleaser in him that has to deserve whatever he’s given. It’s why he’s happiest when he’s given a clear goal or objective to complete, because it gives him an opening to prove himself.

All this to say that if we are quantifying Bart and Thad as a "good" or "bad" twin, in the eyes of every authority: Bart is the bad twin. Bart is the bad twin, Bart is the bad twin. Bart is the one who doesn’t care about school and whose grades vary wildly depending on his personal interest. He’s the one who goes off to do dangerous shit for fun and gets in trouble constantly and doesn’t do his chores and is thoroughly unconvinced by any authority figure trying to sell him bullshit. 

Thad is the one who needs to know all the rules just so he can experience the joy of following them. Relentlessly obedient. He'll put all his effort into doing all the right things that’ll endear him to whoever he wants to impress - meaning he’s the asshole who reminds the teacher about the assigned homework. Bart might be the most popular boy in school, but Thad is a pleasure to have in class.

Like Thad can (and should) still be high-strung and short-tempered and sarcastic and edgy and mean, because he is. But he can’t be doing all that without rhyme or reason. Colouring every interaction has to be that one-zero binary of ally or enemy. He needs to have somebody he’s proving himself to: a team he’s on and a team he’s against. He’s not an inherently rebellious character. He can go up against The Enemy, whoever he deems as such, but it has to be in service of a hypothetical future in which somebody eventually tells him he did a great job.

And in the interest of continuing to beat a dead horse, it connects to their respective upbringings. Thad and Bart were both raised in VR, but Bart’s experience had the side effect of basically hard-wiring him against insecurity. His world was a playground tailor-made for him, and he was never made to feel bad or insufficient about any aspect of himself. His first interaction with a real human person was Iris moving heaven and earth to save him, without him knowing her, without her knowing him, with no reasoning for the act needed beyond Being Her Grandson. Which is probably a significant factor in why Bart moves through the world with frankly atomic levels of autistic swag.

Thad’s VR upbringing installed self-consciousness in his psyche before any other personality trait. As in: he is immediately made conscious of himself and his relationship with everyone he will ever encounter. He’s told two things: he’s a clone of someone else (inherently derivative, lesser) and that he was made to be superior (a status to achieve). Which is such an instant clarifier for Thad’s everything. Where superiority is a condition that everyone either has, or does not. It’s the one-zero binary again: are they better than me or am I better than them. Being above others is mandatory, and if his superiority is ever challenged by hard evidence or god forbid nuance Thad’s brain physically cannot take it. He needs to be better, to be worse is unthinkable, and there is no other way to be.

And this status of better or worse is, crucially, not up to Thad to decide. He needs The Authority to validate him. Bart never tries to prove himself because he has nothing to prove. Thad’s entire identity hinges on the self-worth he gets from doing a Good Job.

It is such an inherent part of his motives in the Impulse comics canon, which is why it always feels a little off when he’s interpreted as a jackass indiscriminately.

Like I don't think he needs everyone to like him. But I do think he has either one person or a set of very particular people that he needs to like him. Everyone else is either in that circle or outside of it.

(Which is why Bart is such a great foil for Thad tbh. There is no set of words or behaviors that’ll change Bart’s opinion of Thad, because Bart is unaffected by obedience or charm. So ironically Bart is probably one of few people that Thad doesn’t bother to put on even a little bit of an act for.)

While Bart goes with his instincts, his personal beliefs and convictions at all times, Thad is hyper-conscious of big-picture goals. They balance each other out that way. Thad's keeping track of whatever expectations he has placed on him, and how his actions reflect on him and the team beyond short-sighted solutions. He's a team player. AND he's an asshole.

[whatdoeseverybodywant]

Rebuild & Restore - Chapter 1

Here it is, the sequel to All Falls Down

I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site, even if you give me credit. DO NOT REPOST MY FICS

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

All OC Characters belong to me

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SIX MONTHS AGO

Kiyana closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. “I can’t do this anymore Josh. I can’t even go out with some friends without you accusing me of sleeping around.”

“Whatchu’ want me to think Kiyana? Look at how you about to leave this house.” Kiyana rolled her eyes. She had worked so damn hard to get her body back to the way it was before she had her boys. She was going to show it off every chance she got. 

“You never had a problem with how I dressed before!” She responded, raising her voice. 

“That was before you decided that your body no longer belonged to me!” Kiyana narrowed her eyes and stomped towards him. 

“You have no fucking right. You decided to sleep with that bitch first and when i give you a taste of your own medicine you can’t fucking handle it. You been hounding me since I agreed that we can try to make things work. Why are you so damn paranoid Joshua?  I’m here, I’m still here with you after everything you did to me. Get the fuck over what happend with me and Joe and let’s move the fuck on like we agreed.” Josh turned his face up at her before sucking his teeth and stomping up the stairs, slamming the door to their room. 

PRESENT DAY

Kiyana had never seen Josh look so defeated as he sat at the other end of the table with his lawyer. He had his hand folded together and would not look up from the table. He hadn’t even spoken since he walked into the room, only giving his lawyer a head nod or shake when asked a question. 

It She had tried so damn hard to move forward with her marriage with Josh, but they were always walking on eggshells around each other. It wasn’t like before when they were two people who fell in love in highschool and thought they would be together forever. It was different. For Kiyana, it was like waking up next to a stranger everyday for six months. He was still Josh, he just wasn’t her Josh. He wasn’t the same Josh she fell in love with in highschool. His affair tarnished her image of him and she couldn’t pretend anymore. 

“She can keep it.” She heard Josh talk and she blinked, focussing her attention back to Josh and his lawyer. “She can keep the car and the house, she can keep everything.. All I want is to see my kids when I’m off the road.” Kiyana and her lawyer shared a look before she nodded her head in agreement with what Josh wanted. 

“Ok, what about spousal support?” 

“I don’t need it.” Kiyana said and for the first time in weeks Josh actually looked at her. “I called in a couple of favors and I'll be starting back at my old job on Monday.” 

“Kiyana, take the damn support.” 

“No.” She said firmly, crossing her arms over her chest. “I don’t need it, Joshua. I can support myself. I don’t want anything from you.” 

“Wow.” Josh scoffed, staring Kiyana down. “That’s really how you feel? After twenty-three years -” 

“Fuck them twenty-three years.” She scoffed, with a roll of her eyes. “You had an affair for four months! Them twenty three years mean shit now.” She held out her hand to her lawyer and he placed the pen in her hand. “Where do I sign?” 

Kiyana let out a sigh as she pulled into the driveway to Trinity and Jon’s house. The last thing she wanted to do was be at a birthday party with her ex-family. She and Josh had only been officially divorced for about 4 hours. 

She already had it in her mind that she was only going to drop the boys off, she was not staying at this party. She forced a smile on her face as she and her boys walked into the backyard of Trinity and Jon’s house. The smile faltered a bit as the backyard went quiet with all of Josh’s family members staring at her. 

Clearing her throat, she held her head up high as she walked over to where Kamari had run over too. 

“Hi.” She said to Josh handing him Kairo who was already trying to jump out her arms to get to his dad. Josh said nothing to her as he took Kairo and Kiyana resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She bent down and placed a kiss on Kaiden’s and then Kamari’s forehead. “Daddy will drop you guys off at home ok.” She said to them, cutting her eyes to Josh who nodded his head in agreement. 

“You’re not staying?” Kaiden asked, grabbing her hand with a pout on his face and Kiyana almost folded.. almost. 

“No bubba.” Kiyana said softly. “Don’t you wanna spend time with daddy and your cousins?”  She pointed over to where Kamari had run off to with their cousins, playing in the bouncy house and Kaiden nodded but still didn’t let go of her hand. 

Josh handed Kairo over to his sister and bent down so he was eye level with Kaiden. “It’s okay Kai. You gon see mommy later okay.” Kaiden nodded and gave his mommy a kiss on the cheek before running over to where his cousins were playing. 

“Okay you can go now.” Kiyana let out a sigh then chuckled. She knew it was coming. “Nobody wants you here after what you did to my brother.” Kiyana rose back to her full height and turned around to face Josh’s sister Melvania. She smirked as she took in the look on Mel’s face. Melvania never liked Kiyana over some petty cheerleader bullshit that happened back in high school. 

“Never said I was staying ,Mel.” Kiyana rolled her eyes. She nodded her head at Josh as went to walk out of the backyard. 

“ Good riddance whore.” Kiyana her Melvania whisper and giggle with one of their cousins. Tired of the disrespect, Kiyana turned around to face them. 

“I don’t see how I'm the bad guy in this situation. I had my little fling after your brother had his affair for four months and I still stayed with his ass trying to fix our marriage.” Mel scoffed and shrugged her shoulders. 

“You still cheated on my brother.” Kiyana had to laugh. Because Mel always made excuses for Josh’s and Jon’s behavior. In Mel’s eyes her brothers could do no wrong. 

“After he cheated on me and told the bitch he was planning on divorcing me first!.” Kiyana wanted to smirk at the shocked look on Melvania’s face at the information she just learned. 

“Come on Yana. Let me walk you to your car.” Jon had come over to put out the fire between Kiyana and his sister after seeing his twin stand there and watch the whole thing. 

Kiyana glared at Josh before storming off from the party. “I’m sorry If i ruined the vibe for Jayla’s party. I know alot of your family doesn’t want me around.” Jon only nodded and watched as she got into her car. He felt bad for Kiyana. Most of her second family had turned their back on her because Josh wasn’t telling the whole truth. 

“Listen, you know me and Trin always got your back right.” When Kiyana nodded, Jon continued. “I just don’t think it's a good time to be around right now. Just for the time being.” Kiyana felt her heart drop into her stomach. 

“Wow. You know what..” Kiyana couldn’t even get the words out. Jon had basically just told her to stay away from his family. 

“Kiyana, I’m just saying -” 

“I understand what you’re saying Jonathan.” She said as the tears started coming down her face. “Message received loud and clear.” 

SOOO... first chapter of the sequel... y'all feeling it or nah?

Reblogs, comments, likes, and feedback ALWAYS appreciated ❤ 

[flowerandblood]

ONE YEAR OF FLOWER&BLOOD

✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙✨🎉🌙

Exactly one year ago I posted my first chapter of the My Best Friend series. Nowadays I think it's something awful and I don't even try to edit it because I'd have to write everything from scratch, but I've left it for people who feel attached to the story. I remember getting about six likes and one comment on the first day and that huuuuge interest made me eager to create chapter 2 and then all the others.

I remember the excitement with which I waited and then replied to comments, not believing that people were actually waiting for the next chapter. At the time I was literally not following anyone, which was good because I wasn't comparing myself to anyone.

Eventually I felt I was ready to try writing other series and a few were successful enough that I decided to stay here permanently and create because it made me happy. Up to that point, everyone had been very kind to me and I started following more and more blogs, wanting to feel part of the fandom, to make friends with everyone. Now I know that was the biggest mistake I made.

Seeing things that didn't interest me, fanfic's whose way of writing couldn't draw me in, I felt frustrated, while at the same time fearing that if I stopped following someone, that person would see it as an affront. At the same time, The Impossible Choice, my biggest project until The Fall from the Heavens (which I'm currently editing and re-editing, while inserting on AO3), began to be written.

Just when I thought I had reached the pinnacle of my abilities (which wasn't true), I also started to clash with anonymous hate messages, probably the worst of which were those vilifying me and my husband, and those regarding my one-shot with Micheal Gavey. I know now that taking it personally and getting involved was my big mistake, and the fandom was shaken by drama that got out of hand.

I was a few steps away from deleting my blog at the time, but my husband talked me out of the idea (thankfully, as my stories aren't saved anywhere else − I'm only now moving them to AO3).

That's when I first realised that some people here I don't even like, and they probably don't like me. I wondered, why are we following each other then? Why are we pretending to have any courtesy? It was only later that I realised that to be considered someone's friend, you have to reblog their work and preferably agree with them even when they write hurtful things.

Since I've depleted my circle of those I follow to about 20 people, since I've blocked dozens of people and tags, there's been blissful silence (with the exceptions of when I write about behaviour in the fandom that I find toxic and someone accuses me of causing drama, but I'm used to it now). I've also never written happier than I do now.

Ideas come to me on their own, I don't feel uptight about what other big people will think of me, whether they reblog it, approve of it or not. I don't give a shit and life is beautiful! Although I can be emotionally unstable, I'm only 70 people short of crossing the next milestone of 3,000 followers, and that's BIG for me. It amuses me that I keep getting messages that someone is going to block me or stop following me, and you guys keep coming. It's gratifying.

I'm going to keep writing for you guys, and I'm sure during season two you'll also see my posts describing my impressions after the episodes in which I hope to involve my husband. I'll also keep you updated here on how I'm doing with my book I'm creating in my private life.

Apreciation

@ewanmitchellcrumbs

Ange. I know that sometimes I'm fucked up, but I want you to know that you've made this place so much more bearable for me that I can't imagine it without you. What I appreciate most about you is that you can talk and discuss, that you always try to understand the other side, that you are empathetic, warm and kind. I feel that, like friends in everyday life, we can also tell each other about things we disagree about, and there are not many people like that here.

On top of that, you are very talented and your stories are always a pleasure to read, even when they are short, you are able to build the plot and atmosphere perfectly, something I have always admired. Thank you for every kind word and understanding.

I still remember your first message to me via ask, referring to the fact that I didn't want to write a pairing with a mermaid because someone else was writing about it at the same time. My heart melted then, it was so nice!

@targaryenrealnessdarling

Liz, Queen of Angst! Your calmness and composure puts me in awe. You're disgustingly talented when it comes to writing and you have a super-sweet personality. When you started following me I began to squirm with delight, and when you started reblogging my stuff? My goodness!!!

@persephonerinyes

You've been engaging and reblogging my stories for as long as I can remember. Always involved, your thoughts make me smile. Thank you for being with me for so long!

@zenka96

You've been here with me since the dawn of time. You know that I love you. Your support from the very beginning really makes me feel like I have a friend here.

@huramuna

I am so proud of you! I remember your asks when I wrote Glass Cuts Deepest, your illustrations for me and your uncertainty about whether you should start writing yourself. I'm so happy for you and that you are so successful! You deserved it.

@black-dread & @aegonx

You are my favourite gif makers. Your work always leaves me in awe, you are amazing! I know how much work you put into it and somehow you make even the worst lit scenes look wonderful!

@summerposie; @0eessirk8; @melsunshine; @immyowndefender; @bellaisasleep; @kckt88; @thedamewithabook; @happinessinthebeing; @queenofshinigamis; @travelingmypassion; @mefools; @fan-goddess; @toodlesxcuddles; @ammo23; @troublesomesnitch; @mariahossain; @out-of-life; @apothe-roses; @heavenhatesme; @whitearemydarkestnight; @liv-cole; @blackswxnn; @echos-muses; @watercolorskyy; @at-a-rax-ia; @tssf-imagines; @snh96; @hiatuswhore; @exitpursuedbyavulcan; @darylandbethfanforever9; @the-dendrophile-bookdragon; @opheliaas-stuff @zaldritzosrose

Your comments and reblogs make me want to keep writing. You make me laugh, you comfort me and you support me. I know I'm definitely forgetting someone, but I want you to know that I love everyone who comments on my stories and there is nothing better for me than responding to your reactions and questions! I have known some of you for so many months that I truly consider you my good friends!

lottie-blue-star; aveatquevale-; aemondtargaryenwifey marvelescvpe; alphard-hydraes-blog; herejusttostan; li0nn3stuff; alexandrawho; vilmakamunen; angelinap09; theloveablestargirl; rose-blue-19; xxxkat3xxx; flosaureum; mandiiblanche; librawh0re; jasminecosmic99; ivvypg; rojocarnation; killmanduh; tokkiiidoll; wolfdressedinlace; angelofvivianne; nina2697; starwarsgirlsimmer1; katsucker; ipostwhtifeel; aemondsdelight; ilswemoon; tigrigri; pasta-rask; roselibrary; lystargs; gemini-mama; nikstrange; tempo-rary-fix; coffeeobsessedtrencher; gwuinivyre; dreamerbythewayx; diiickbrainn; mothmankit

And everyone else I missed and whose icons I would recognize from afar. I know that you have been with me for many months, often in silence or communicating anonymously. Your silent support and presence is something wonderful for me, knowing that you have been with me for so long and read all my posts!

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!!

[homunculus-argument]

It's funny how you really don't notice what parts of how you grew up were Just How Things Are Done, and which parts are just how your family does something, until you try to operate something the way you're used to things working and you're genuinely surprised to discover that the same rules don't apply.

With my family, everything was done in a very specific, particular sort of way. Delicate subjects were brought up by herding the conversation to the right direction - the one who wants to bring the subject up says something vaguely distantly related to it, and the person they address will answer with something that leads the conversation towards the direction of the Delicate Matter, as their way to agree that the subject should be discussed. Pretending to ignore the prompting, and/or leading the subject somewhere completely different, was a way of saying that either you don't want to talk about it, or that as far as you're concerned, there is nothing there to discuss.

God in hindsight I realise how horrible it would've been to grow up in that house if I had actually been autistic (like mom wanted to convince herself I was), but in that household, The Curtains Were Never Just Fucking Blue. Bringing up a seemingly innocuous subject in the right tone and timing was always about some other subject. I recall my mother once unpromptedly remarking that the way my hair curls at the back of my head is very similar to the way my father's hair would curl, as her way of saying "by the way I noticed that you tried to pull the same trick that your father would always do, and I want you to know that I noticed that."

Needing to talk about something awkward with my boyfriend's mother, I didn't think I was doing anything weird by trying to Have A Talk the way I learned growing up. Volunteering to go pick berries with her, trying to arrange us to be in talking distance with nobody else in earshot - something I was taught is how you tell someone "I want to talk with you alone" - and trying to bring the subject up by prompting. When she didn't pick up and herd the conversation towards the subject I thought we both knew should be discussed, I took that to mean that she considers the matter already settled, and that we have nothing left to discuss about it.

Meanwhile, she hadn't picked up on any of this. My boyfriend's family doesn't do that. In their family, the curtains are just blue, and you can't delicately bring up the way you were raised by talking about how the blueberries are growing. As she hadn't clearly stated that she understood, I had interpreted that as "I am aware." In a passive-aggressive tone. Afterwards, she had remarked to my boyfriend that I had said things oddly, like I had wanted to talk but didn't.

So we had to do it their way, like normal people do, with me directly bringing up the matter that should be discussed, without herding or circling. Something that in my family always meant "I don't give a shit about how you feel about this, we are going to talk about this, and if you don't want to talk about it, then we're going to fight about it." And apparently starting a direct conversation isn't necessarily a direct attack, people can just talk about things.

Still fascinated with the whole concept that people can just do that. That in some households, the curtains really just are blue.

[ccchuro]

back to you ☽ yoo jimin x fem reader

synopsis : you hated parties, but you didn't hate yoo jimin.

pairing : idol!karina x idol!reader

genre : angst to fluff

warnings : cursing, clubbing, alcohol

a/n : abrupt ending because i gave up🙁

you hated parties.

you hated the disgusting smell of smoke, the drunk people, the pushing, the big crowds and most importantly, drinking alcohol.

so, why were you here, in Itaewon, partying in some random club with your group members and aespa?

"yunjin stop drinking so much!" a voice could be heard warning the redhead.

oh right, yunjin had planned a party for the girls to get together, seeing as her and giselle were good friends.

"y/n! y/n? you okay?" chaewon called out. "huh? oh- yea unnie.. stop worrying about me and go have fun" you gave your widest smile to try convince your leader that everything was fine when no, everything was not fine. your ex was in the same room as you, partying like everything was fine and as if you weren't there at all. "you sure? you seem uncomfortable. i know how much you hate parties. do you want to leave? we can." chaewon was not convinced.

"unnie stop worrying! im okay i swear." you definitely did not want to be an inconvenience to your friends. why should you stop them from having fun?

"okay but if you're-" "y/n! you should totally try this shot minjeong made! she mixed up so much shit i dont even remember the ingredients but its so good!" yunjin, who was obviously high out of her mind, had interupted chaewon and before you could even reply, she forced the shot glass into your mouth.

"yunjin! what the hell?! that's... wait why is that kinda good... can i get more?" you were not the type to drink so, hearing this, the redhead quickly got up and ran to minjeong for more shots, face brightened as her member had finally tried something new and actually liked it.

-

it had been an hour or so and you were totally wasted. how many shots did you take?

"y/n." a voice called out to you. with hooded eyes, you looked up only to see your ex staring at you. "yoo jimin?"

"get up. i'm bringing you home." where were your members? and why were you sitting on the floor?

"they left. asked me to bring you home for some reason, no idea why they couldn't have just done that themself. and i don't know why youre on sitting on the floor. now get up y/n" shit. did you say that out loud?

"why do you care... just let me go home myself!" you were obviously drunk and would not be able to make it home yourself without getting lost into some random alleyway.

jimin rolled her eyes, "y/n you were just sitting on the floor for god knows how long and you expect me to believe that you'll make it home without ending up in some random mans house?"

"yoo jimin! you act as if you care! stop pretending and just leave me alone!" you tried to push her away. keyword: tried. "y/n l/n just let me take you home and i'll leave you alone. chaewon is gonna kill me if i just leave you here." her grip on you hardened, obviously annoyed.

without giving you time to answer, she pulled you with her towards her car, simply opening the door and pushing you in, against your will but you were too drunk to do anything about it.

"fuck you, yoo jimin.." you started cusring your ex out but after awhile everything went silent.

" you finally give up?" no answer "y/n?" jimin turned to look at you and realised you had fallen asleep and smiled softly at your relaxed face.

you finally didn't have that angry look on your face.

-

"that's it? youre just going to give up on us? after two years?" you and jimin had been cuddling on your shared bed when jimin suddenly asked to break up.

"yoo jimin answer me!" why wasnt she answering you?! you and jimin had been dating for two years and were doing perfectly fine. fans loved you guys and suddenly jimin wanted to break up?

"theres no reason y/n... i just... don't love you anymore."

what?

"jimin what the hell are you talking about?! we have been dating for two whole years! what the fuck do you mean you don't love me anymore?!"

"y/n i just don't! stop being so annoying!"

annoying? you could feel your heart shattering from the words that came out of your own girlfriends mouth. how could she say that? was it all for show? did she truly not like you anymore? did she even love you?

tears were running down from both the womens face now. how did cuddling turn into a shouting war?

"fine. you think im annoying? fine! let's break up then!" you quickly got up and grabbed a random bag you deemed would fit all your essentials and started grabbing all your clothes and other items.

all jimin could do was stand and watch.

"goodbye yoo."

once jimin heard the door shut she crumbled to the floor and hurled out screams, a river flowing down her face.

if only she knew how you were leaning against jimin's door, crying even harder.

and if only you knew, jimin only did this for your own good.

-

jimin was on the way to your shared apartment when she was scrolling through the comments of a recent video of you and jimin.

'y/n and karina should totally break up. they don't seem compatible.' were you really not compatible? was jimin not good enough for you?

'y/n is so pretty then there karina. fearnots would understand what i mean. MYs, don't come for me LOL!' was jimin way out of y/n's league? did y/n not like jimin?

and the worst of it all.

'with all the dating rumours karina has been, i bet she cheated on our baby y/n! y/n deserves better!' did you think that jimin really cheated on you? god no she didn't. but, what if you had trust issues because of her?

jimin didn't want all this. she didn't mean to make think she cheated. she wasn't cheating on you! did you feel like that? god. she hates herself.

jimin decided she was going to put an end to this and break up with you.

she couldn't handle the thought that she was hurting you, so she let you go.

-

you had arrived at your apartment and quickly got out of jimins car, slamming the door.

"y/n wait."

"what jimin?" harsh.

"listen i-"

"f you're gonna say sorry, save it. i don't care anymore and you shouldn't care either." you were looking anywhere but her, afraid if you made eye contact with her you'd instantly give up and let her speak.

"y/n! just please. listen to me!"

you scoffed, "five minutes is all you get yoo jimin. i'll probably forget about this anyways."

"listen, i never wanted to break up with you y/n." you scoffed, again.

"on that day, i was reading through comments and half of them were talking about how my idol life was affecting you and- and i just thought maybe you really were being affected by my busy life! i was worried i wouldn't have time for you as my schedule got busier... so i decided to just break up with you so you wouldn't have to go through that anymore."

what the fuck?

"jimin what the fuck are you saying? do you hear yourself?! if i was being affected i obviously would have said something! you chose to believe comments from people who don't know us over your own girlfriend! you didn't tell me the truth either. if you had just talked to me about it im sure we could have worked through it together! but no, you just left me to cry in my room for almost a whole month. chaewon unnie was so worried she called off a whole weeks worth of practice and schedules!" was that why your group wasn't present at mma?

jimin stared at you with her mouth apart,"y/n, do you really think we could have talked it through? did you not think i was cheating on you? with all the dating ru-"

"yoo jimin! god. do you take me for a fool?! if i knew you were cheating i obviously would have broken up with you!" you were furious. what was jimin not understanding?

"y/n... i-"

"i don't care jimin. i'm over it! le-"this time it was your turn to be cut off as jimin grabbed your face and kissed you.

you blinked. what the fuck was happening? why was your ex kissing you?!

"shit! y/n i'm so fucking sorry! i- i don't know what came across me i- i just felt it in the moment and-"

"shut up yoo jimin." you pressed your lips against jimins, closing your eyes.

embracing each other, you finally moved away and stared at her.

"y/n? y- you're not mad?"

"fuck, of course i am. but... i'm willing to fix this jimin. i just- i miss you so much." tears ran down your cheeks.

you missed jimin so much.

"y/n i- i missed you more. i promise i'll do anything to prove to you that i'm better now. i'll fix everything i swear. y/n i love you so much. thank you. for giving us another chance." god. now jimin was crying as well.

-

it was the morning after and you were waking up, with a hell of a hangover.

"y/n, youre awake! i made breakfast and heres some painkillers. i know youre hurtign like hell right now." jimin was your clothes with a apron over it.

she looked so pretty.

you could only stare at her in awe with your mouth wide open. why did she look so beautiful in the morning?

''y/nn earth to y/nnn? i know im pretty but you dont have to keep staring'' jimin giggled.

''whatever. thanks for the breakfast min. i love you so much.'' you grinned, grabbing the plate and started eating.

jimin looked at you with a wide smile, happy that you were hers again.

''y/n, i love you so much and i will never stop reminding you of that.''

''stop being so cheesy in the morning jimin!'' you teased.

-

˚₊𓆩༺♡༻𓆪₊˚

[decolonize-the-left]

Is anyone else just completely disillusioned? Done?

I could not think any less of people still talking about celebrities or how their biggest issues are not having a Starbucks cup that's $50

Like why are we as a collective letting people like that run the lives of everyone on the planet? A planet rife with unnecessary conflict and greed? People who can't be bothered to just Not go to chick-fil-a?

Why are people who clearly value profit over humanity in charge of humanity, ykwim? How the fuck did that become a majority opinion?

I drive thru my nuclear town, I go to our community events, our local small businesses, I try to support my community in ways I can everyday. But I can't help but notice that So Many of the people who do that alongside me, don't show up to protest for the rights of the people they claim to support.

Its all so incredibly shallow and one dimensional and obviously disingenuous and why the fuck are the rest of STILL begging for the ability to make changes within the framework they built?

Why are we still making educational posts for them and trying to make them understand when the first thing we are taught about reaching understand is that you must first be willing to listen and they refuse.

The ruling classes never listened. Never, ever have they granted anyone any oppressed group rights that they asked for without the group needing to fight for it. And it's always after generations of oppression.

I'm fucking tired of being nice and pretending the laws they made up matter and like their socially constructed bureaucracy is the only way to make change to be quite fucking honest.

They're LUCKY we use it EVER and now they don't even fucking listen to our voicemails?

The only things stopping me from taking what's mine are disabilities and I'm Dying to know what everyone else's excuses are.

Or is that?

Are we all physically too incapable? Is every single able bodied person actually a liberal fascist?

Asking for the disabled Turtle Mountain Ojibwe person typing this who's life literally depends on y'all caring enough about other people to make life anything but a list of systematic circumstances I'll suffer from until I eventually die early of an illness I can't afford medical aids for and which are not provided for me either.

And if you're able bodied and you feel the same... Start working outside that framework and stop asking so nicely. Stop giving a shit if you don't have the support of the oppressors and their liberal foot soldiers.

Stop worrying about what CNN is gonna say about you because I promise that the people who matter and Understand you will be inspired to follow in your foot steps and supportive.

Get active in your co-ops, mutual aid groups, and consider training like you're black bloc.

Learn what direct action is and how to do it and start doing it. Just reading theory era is over.

More of this

less whatever the level of cognitive dissonance this is

Imagine saying 'i voted so I did everything I could' like the suffragettes didn't have an arson and bombing campaign because the people who Could vote were people benefitted from their systemic silence and thus did almost Nothing to help them get voting rights and they Refused to let oppressor laziness be their obstacle.

Yeah, they don't teach you that in Voting Matters School the suffragettes were bombing the UK just a year or two before they got their rights do they?

The only language oppressors will listen to is their own.

And I'm Tired of pretending otherwise because that delusion is what makes the privileged feel like they don't have to do anything but vote and makes them feel they're justified to criticize those of us that fight back through other avenues.

And maybe if we had politicians that gave a shit about any of us then those votes and movements and public sentiment would have a bigger sway in government, but they don't.

They don't fucking care.

Why are we still giving them power over any of us and letting them tell us what to do and demonize us when they use that power allowed to kill us and bury us in unmarked graves in some field in Mississippi? And make everything so expensive that the richest citizens on earth struggle to pay their bills?

Why can a government only "condemn" a state agent's right to shoot an unarmed protester 57 times, but they can bypass Congress to send Israel billions upon billions worth of weapons?

I'm tired of pretending this country is anything but a front for White Supremacists when every liberal I see is trying to gaslight everyone into thinking genocide is acceptable.

Shut the fuck up and get out of my equality tags, fascist.

[callsignhoney]

leave me breathless ➤

pairing ➤ bradley “rooster” bradshaw x fem!reader

genre ➤ smut

summary ➤ rooster is wholeheartedly convinced you have no interest in him and you’re just dying to prove him wrong

———

Rooster’s eyes had been glued to you since the moment you stepped foot in that bar. He’d known you for years; you were his wingman, his best friend, his partner in crime. He had been hopelessly in love with you for over half the time you’ve known each other. And that skirt was not helping things.

Most of the time he was good at hiding it. How else would he have kept you oblivious to his attraction if he wasn’t good at shoving his emotions deep into some pit in his stomach and letting them rot and fester until he became lightheaded at the sight of you? He felt oddly breathless watching you from across the room, like there was a weight on his chest that made each inhale a struggle.

“So… I’ve gotta ask. How long have you been in love with Pocket?”

Rooster froze and looked down at the woman beside him. Phoenix had a knowing smile on her lips but kept her eyes forward.

Rooster grimaced and hung his head. “Is it that obvious?”

“Not really, but I just always had a inkling there might be something a little more than friendship between you two. It wasn’t until I saw how you were just looking at her that I was truly convinced.”

When he looked up again, his eyes sought you out immediately. He was wholly captivated, not for the first time, by you. You’d stolen one of his shirts and was wearing it tucked into a skirt that fully showed of your legs. Being around you would be dangerous tonight, threatening the balancing act of “just friends” he so carefully placed atop his undying adoration of everything you were.

“There it is again—man, you are just infatuated, aren’t you?” Phoenix teased.

“Spare me, please,” Rooster groaned.

“So how long?”

“Ten years,” he admitted in a mumble, lips pressed to his glass, “give or take.”

“Why not just tell her?”

Rooster scoffed and downed the rest of his drink.

“It’s not that crazy of a suggestion.”

“I’m pretty sure that’d be breaking some kind of bro code.”

“‘Bro code?’” Phoenix laughed.

“Yep.”

“Are you not allowed to break the bro code if you don’t want to be just bros?”

“If only it were that simple.”

Phoenix may have picked up on his feelings for you, but what she didn’t know was that Rooster had confessed to you once. It was early on in your naval career when you were assigned to the Golden Warriors, Rooster’s flight squadron. You’d been flying with him ever since. He’d been pining over you since a few months after meeting you.

You were easy to talk to and be around. He liked being around you. You had this amazing ability to talk anybody down from panicking in the air and were one of the most reliable, trustworthy people he had the honor of knowing. He never had to try around you; he felt as if he could just exist and you’d be right there with him.

You’d only been assigned for about a year before Rooster drunkenly confessed to you one night as you were tasked with getting him home. You very kindly told him to shut the fuck up and stop spewing nonsense before tucking him into bed and crashing on his couch. You made breakfast the next morning and he pretended not to remember anything of the night before.

Maybe that didn’t properly count on account of his inebriation at the time, which would more than likely lead you to believe he was just being an idiotic drunk, but the sting of rejection still felt very real. He couldn’t risk pouring his heart out to you while sober and leaving himself open for you to turn him down.

Without too much more pestering, Phoenix seemed to take pity on him and left him to his own devices. She joined you across the room. He soon realized what he thought was pity was actually conniving as she pointed him out to you. He subtly flipped her off as you made your way over to him. She flashed him a smile.

“Hey, I didn’t see you come in,” you said, swinging into the seat beside him.

“Didn’t know you were here already,” he lied right through his teeth.

“Phoenix said you had something to tell me.”

“Did she, now?” He caught Phoenix stealing a glance at the two of you. “I don’t, really. Don’t know where she got that from.”

“Oh, she must’ve misheard you,” you laughed it off, thankfully. “You should come play with us. It’s boring without you.”

You and a few other pilots had been playing pool along the far wall. He knew this because he’d been watching you the entire time and forcing himself not to look too long any time you bent over to make a play. That skirt was playing a dangerous game.

“No, it’s alright. I’m probably gonna leave soon, anyway.” Translation: he could not be nearer to you than absolutely necessary when you looked like this.

“C’mon,” you said, leaning on his arm, “just one game? Before you go?”

“Okay, okay,” he relented, if only to get you to stop leaning on him so close that he could kiss you if he turned his head.

———

Another night out with you ending in a cold shower had Rooster laying awake and staring at his ceiling, silently begging the universe for some semblance of mercy. The white noise of his ceiling fan was the only thing that answered him. He didn’t want to end tonight with his hand and thoughts of you again. A knock at his door spared him from his thoughts.

You pushed past him before he even had the door fully open.

“Okay, yeah, come on in, Pocket, fine by me.”

“I have a direct question to ask you,” you told him.

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Are you picking up what I’m putting down?” you said.

“…I’m not following.”

“Are the signals being read loud and clear, or are you getting a lot of mixed messages?”

“Still lost.”

You buried your face in your hands in exasperation. Taking a deep breath, you looked him dead in the eye and asked, “Are you comprehending that I’m trying to sleep with you or not?”

Rooster blinked at you, mouth falling open.

“That answers that question, then,” you said. “God! Phoenix said I was being so obvious, too.”

“Phoenix said—oh, that meddling little snake.”

“Don’t talk bad about Phoenix. She said even Bob noticed the moves I was trying to put on you and you were still oblivious.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t stop to consider you liked me when you literally rejected me.”

“When did I reject you?”

“That night after the bar? In the Philippines?”

“That did not count! You were drunk off your ass and professing your love to me. And I didn’t even reject you, I just told you to shut up and go to sleep.”

“It felt a lot like a rejection.”

“You—oh my god. I wasn’t going to confess to you while you were hammered!” you said like it was obvious (it was). “Then I’d just have to do it again when you were sober.”

“I’m sober now.”

He walked you back against the door until you were pressed against it. You laughed, he realized, nervously. He made you nervous.

“You are tipsy at best, big guy,” you said with a pat on his chest.

You tried to slip around him, but he wasn’t having it. He put an arm in your way and got even closer to you, leaning down to your eye level.

“I have a direct question for you,” it was his turn to say.

He watched as your chest rose shakily, breath fluttering from your lungs. You shifted, thighs rubbing together. He hadn’t even done anything yet but you were so affected by him. Keep this up and he’d have a power trip.

“Yeah?” you breathed.

“Yeah,” he said.

“What is it?” you asked.

“I want to know if you like me how I like you,” he said. “Do you want me? Like I want you?”

You struggled to hold eye contact with him. Your breaths came unevenly and exhaled shakily. Your eyes darted to his mouth and back up again. Your answer was written clearly behind those eyes, but it was too fun to tease you. He wanted you to admit it.

“Yes,” you said quietly.

There was some low sound that came from the back of his throat. His first touch on you was his hand on your neck, just firm enough to grip and hold you in place. You gasped—literally gasped—at the touch. He almost broke right then. He still needed a little more.

“Do you think of me? When you touch yourself? Because I think of you. Every. Goddamn. Time.”

He had you all but pinned to the wall by your neck but his body was still not on yours. You could feel his breath as he spoke against your face but he was still too far away to kiss. He was so close but there was still a distance between you that he wanted you to cross. He wanted you to make that leap.

“Yeah,” you breathed. “I think of you.”

“What do you think about?”

“I think about how your fingers are so much bigger than mine.” You clenched your thighs together. “I think about how well they’d stretch me open to fit you. I want you to stretch me open and make me take your cock.”

“Fuck,” he growled.

Rooster’s kiss was searing. He was all-consuming, smashing his lips to yours and holding you firmly in place with little wiggle room around the necklace his hand had become. His tongue searched into your mouth and you let it. You swapped spit and little nibbles at each other’s lips until Rooster decided to move on.

He let go of your neck only to move his lips to it, sucking and biting hard enough to leave little twinges of pain behind. It hurt so perfectly good. You couldn’t stay focused on how he was kissing your neck for long as his recently vacated hand moved to slide underneath your skirt.

“This thing was driving me crazy all night,” he said. “I swear half the bar was watching anytime you bent over to see if you were wearing any panties or not. It’s almost like you wanted people to stop and stare.”

“I wanted you to stare,” you confessed.

“Well, I did. Almost got hard at the sight of it.”

“Good.”

You gasped again as his fingers discovered you were not, in fact, wearing any underwear under your skirt. You really had wanted this; there was no other explanation. He just wishes he had seen it sooner.

He huffed out a bemused breath. “You are such a little minx.”

“And yet it took me coming here and telling you to fuck me to get it into your thick skull.”

“Keep giving me attitude and I’ll stop playing nice,” he warned, fingers barely ghosting over your dripping core.

“Who said I wanted nice?”

He halted. You laughed at him.

“Again, you’re missing the obvious, Roost,” you teased. “I tell you I want you to make me take your cock and you think I want to play nice? Come on. I want you to fuck me until I’m crying and not stop until I am begging you to.”

Rooster knows you very well. You are his best friend, and he’s yours. He shouldn’t have been all that surprised that the woman who lives for that spike of adrenaline both in and out of the cockpit wouldn’t want to take it slow. You drove him crazy with worry by how fast you flew, how hard you were able to take turns. If you wanted him to be mean, then he could be mean.

Your back hit the wall as Rooster slammed you against it. He pinned you there as he kissed you until you could barely breathe and his fingers—the fingers you imagined touching you so many times before—slid into the wetness between your folds. He dominated the kiss without much of a fight, licking into your mouth as you struggled to catch your breath.

He’d slicked his fingers up enough to slide one into you and you gasped. He pushed a second in beside it that had you whimpering against his lips. You already felt pulled tight against him with just this. The stretching part of your fantasy seemed to be necessary, but he couldn’t help but wonder if you’d complain at all if he forced his cock into you without prep.

Not this time, he told himself as he started to fuck his fingers into you. He could feel your heartbeat in your throat when he nipped at your neck again. You were gasping and choking on air above him. You squealed as he slid a third finger into you.

“You talk such big game for someone already wrecked,” he mused, pulling out of your neck to look at you. “I haven’t even fucked you properly yet and you’re a mess.”

“Please—fuck! God…,” was all you could manage, not even a response just continued babbling brought on by how his fingers were working you open.

“I have half a mind to just stuff you full right now and not even bother prepping you.”

You keened at that, whining unintelligibly and grinding down into his hand.

“You like that? You want me to make it hurt?”

“Please. Please, Rooster. Please.”

You were begging him to do it, and who was he to deny you? Gentle could come later; this was a decade of pent up emotions coming to its head and he would not wait any longer than he had to.

You gave a little noise as he pulled his fingers out of you and you were suddenly left empty. He brought his hand to your mouth and you opened it to take his fingers inside, licking them clean of your own juices.

“God, you’re such a little slut,” he sang. “You’re so desperate for me.”

You only relaxed your mouth and let him move his fingers in and out of your lips, pressing into your tongue. You grabbed for his belt, desperate to get his pants off and get started already but your fingers kept fumbling, especially as Rooster tilted your head back and shoved his fingers deeper in your mouth. You gagged around them and he finally withdrew them, painting the saliva you left behind on your cheeks.

He started undoing his pants himself. “You gonna be good? Gonna take me like a good girl? Take whatever I give you?”

He pulled his member free and you nodded dumbly, eyes cast downward. “Uh huh.”

He laughed at you, stroking himself. He pushed you flat against the wall and kissed you, hitting your hands away when you reached down to touch him. He bent over and scooped you up off the ground. Legs around his waist, he held you up as he lined himself up with your entrance.

“Tell me to stop if you need me to,” he said quietly.

“Just put it in already,” you whined.

He did as you asked, pushing into you inch by inch. “So fucking needy.”

You were gasping for air and grabbing at his arms for something—anything—to hold onto as you were overwhelmed by a cacophony of pain and pleasure at the stretch of your cunt around him. You knew he was big; an unwanted and painfully awkward conversation with a short-term girlfriend of his several years ago assured you of that fact. You still cursed as he bottomed out, touching parts of you that felt simply unfathomable.

“Oh my god,” you cried into his shoulder.

“Fuck, you’re so good,” he mumbled close to your ear. “You’re so fucking good.”

“God, please,” you begged.

He bucked his hips into you and you struggled to get oxygen into your lungs. You could focus only on breathing and the overwhelming pleasure of him moving in and out of you. You swear you could almost feel his head parting your insides around him, making room for himself in places you’d never felt before.

“Bradley.”

It was not the first time you had called him by his first name. You alternated between calling each other by your call signs, surnames, and first names, usage mostly dependent on where you happened to be. Never before had he heard you say his name like this. You’d never moaned his name, made it sound like a song that only he was meant to hear. It set his heart on fire.

You gripped his shoulders as he began fucking you against the wall. Gentle and loving would come later; he needed you as soon and as fast as possible. He needed to fuck ten years of sexual frustration out of system before he could even think about anything else. He wondered if you were in the same boat of needing it rough and hard, needing a mind-numbing, leg-spasming release before you could clear your head enough to think about a real future. A future with him.

You smacked your head on the wall as he thrusted up into you. “Ow!”

“Shit, sorry,” he said.

You grabbed at his arms. “Don’t stop.”

“Can you stop being so needy for two damn seconds? Gimme a minute.”

You giggled and gave a little yelp as the wall came away from supporting your back. Rooster easily held you up, walking away from the foyer to set you down. He spun you around and bent you over the arm of your couch. Before you could make another attempt at a protest, he was gripping your hips and pressing back into your cunt.

“Oh my god—holy shit!” you gasped at the new angle he was hitting you from.

“You’re so pretty like this,” he said, restarting his pace from before.

He could go harder in this position. He used his grip on you to pull your hips back and meet his strokes. Your cunt was tight around him, slick and warm and taking all of him just like you said you wanted. The best part of all of this was how badly you wanted it. The proof was in your trembling legs and the pornographic moans spilling from your mouth. It all just spurred him on.

He knew he was inside you, hammering away for his own release and for those pretty noises you kept making, but you still felt too far away. He pulled you back against him. His strong arms wrapped around your front, holding you close to his chest as he continued to fuck up into you. Your head fell back on his shoulder, neck an open canvas for him to kiss at.

He reached a hand down between your legs. That little bundle of nerves was found with ease. His fingers playing with it had you grabbing onto him in any way you could, on the arm still wrapped around you firmly, up to the base of his neck, your fingers curling into the ends of his hair. Your walls fluttered around him, clenching as you tipped closer and closer to the edge.

“Fuck, I’m so close. God! God, don’t stop. Bradley, please.”

“You’re so good. So good for me. God, you’re fucking beautiful.”

He could feel his own release building up right alongside yours. He felt the pressure mounting in his gut as you clenched around him again, whining into his ear with your head thrown back as it was. He trailed his lips up your neck to your jaw.

“Come for me, beautiful,” he told you. “Come on. Come for me.”

You did not need to be told twice. Your whole body shuddered in his arms as you let out little broken moans and pleas. Your legs almost came out from under you as you were overwhelmed by pleasure, brain nearly short circuiting. Thankfully, Rooster was right there to keep you steady. He fucked you through your orgasm until you were oversensitive and trembling at him still moving inside of you.

With a grunt and a curse, he pulled out of you. “Fuck, baby. Shit—“

He pumped himself through release, cum painting your thighs. He caught himself on the couch as you two started to tip forward, both more than a little spent as you stood panting in the middle of your living room. You laughed breathlessly and leaned back into him.

“Holy shit,” you breathed.

“Good?” he asked.

“I’ve had better.”

“I—“

You guffawed at his indigence. “I’m kidding. No one has ever fucked me that good.”

He pressed a kiss to your shoulder and dropped his forehead down to it. You ran your fingers over his arm, still holding you close.

“Or maybe I’ve just never had sex with someone I like as much as I like you.”

“I’m getting really mixed signals on whether or not you thought it was good. Because you say you’ve had better then you say it was good and now you’re—“

“I never knew you’d be so sensitive about your performance,” you said. “What? Was me moaning my head off not a clear enough message that it was fucking amazing?”

“Okay, just making sure.”

You laughed. “Who knew you’d be so sensitive about your performance?”

“Alright, next time I’ll be sure to only focus on my own feelings and not care at all if you’re enjoying it or not.”

“Next time?” You turned in his arms. “I like the sound of that.”

He’s certain the grin he gave you was one of the goofy and wide variety, but he doesn’t care because he’s in love with you and could not help it. You pulled him in to a kiss. He returned it sweetly, before sweeping you off your feet and carrying you to your bedroom. He went to set you down on the bed, fully prepared to tuck himself right next to you and face all the dirty details in the morning.

“Hang on,” you said, sliding out of his arms.

“What?”

“I need to clean up.”

He could just see his cum cooling into place between your thighs. Maybe sleep would come a little harder than he thought.

“And no condom?” You click your tongue. “That’s a risky maneuver, lieutenant.”

“I saw you take your birth control two days ago, so don’t try to psych me out on that shit. I’m thinking of folding you in half and fucking you again, only this time I’ll finish inside.”

You let out a low, pleased giggle at getting him riled up. “Do you want me to reassure you you’re doing a good job every couple of minutes this time, or will me screaming your name suffice?”

“Why don’t you get over here and find out?”

Rooster made a move to grab you, but you slipped out of reach and back into the hallway you came from. He chased right after you. Yeah. He wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight at all.

[timemachineyeah]

I think it’s interesting that we learn Philip and Caleb became witch hunters to fit in to the existing culture of Gravesfield.

Because the thing about witch hunts is, there’s a lot of zealotry and tattling involved. If they weren’t a pair of traveling radicals, but rather two side characters in an ongoing town furor? That changes things.

Up until now I’ve been a little curious about the dynamic of having Philip be the younger brother. We are more used to stories where the older person has authority over the younger in a way that allows them to be despotic. Basically when you have two siblings in fiction and one is evil, it’s usually the older one. But Caleb seemed pretty chill? People with chill authority figures usually don’t grow up to do genocide? But Philip is really committed to genocide? And jealousy over your older brother getting a girlfriend is a weird thing to genocide over?

But now we learn, that’s not really the story. Or not the whole story.

This is a JoJo Rabbit situation. This is a Hitler Youth situation.

In a town that’s in a fervor to find the hidden secret evil citizens among them, kids are potentially dangerous. The children you love and care for are also the most likely to be unsavvy and get you killed. Sometimes older relatives under those circumstances have to, or at least feel like they have to, let their younger family members be indoctrinated without openly opposing it, even pretending to support it, because, well. Children talk. Often without filter. Maybe it would be okay, but

Is it worth risking one or both of you being hung in the square to test that theory?

So they get to this town. This town will hang or burn you if you aren’t pious enough. And this town defines piety by its hatred of The Devil. We are all trying to prove we hate the devil the most. And Caleb, older brother, is like, okay then. That’s what’ll keep us fed. That’s what’ll keep us safe. He’s not a zealot so much as he’s just trying to keep him and his kid brother alive and win the town’s favor. Maybe the zealotry even freaks him out a bit, but not enough. Not until he meets Evelyn.

But Philip? Philip believes. Of course he does. His brother has never made any indication to him that there’s room for doubt. No one has ever done that. At least no one whose execution he didn’t later watch with his entire community cheering it on. Because they were dangerous. Everyone knows how this neighbor got sick, how witches caused that terrible accident, how Satan tries to keep us from our eternal salvation. This is literal. This is real. This is eternal souls and cosmic reality. He’s a kid, at first. He gets indoctrinated young. He believes this.

And then they find the actual realm of demons. Actual hell. The source of all evil in the universe. Fucking obviously it is his divine calling to destroy it once and for all. Wouldn’t you? If you could end all suffering? Save everyone for eternity? Surely that is noble. Righteous. Sacred.

And how is he supposed to believe anything else? What is easier to believe: the whole world is a lie and he has been watching innocent people killed for entertainment since he was a child - which goes against everything he was ever taught and also feels fucking bad. Or: the witches used their evil magic to convince my brother they aren’t evil, which proves how evil they are. That lines up perfectly with everything I know, everything everyone around me has always said, and makes it okay that I participated in those public executions, and also gives me some good righteous anger to fuel me on a genocidal rampage for as long as I continue to exist.

In Philip’s head, he’s the center of his dramatic fantasy epic. He’s the lone hero up against the big bad. He’s going to take on the Devil himself.

Idk, I just think it’s cool that The Owl House was like, “hey, Satanic panics, fascism, and genocide are allied ideologies, perhaps even the same ideology, and it’s Bad”

Also, “societal pressure to conform enables and even encourages people to hurt those they love”. Camila tried to send Luz to camp because she didn’t want Luz to be bullied the way she had been, because Luz’s principal told her she had to. It was a gesture born out of a desire to protect her, but one that would ultimately hurt. Caleb let Philip grow up more pious than he was because it seemed safest, to protect him. Philip grew up believing in eternal damnation and righteous cruelty, something that has clearly ultimately hurt him I mean look at what he is now. Philip, meanwhile, hurt Caleb and continues to hurt his family because he thinks there’s a Right and Wrong way to exist. To be. The ultimate call for conformity. For hegemony. But he didn’t spontaneously generate this belief. It was reinforced from a young age from a society that wanted to make sure no one was deviating too much. To centralize and maintain power through manipulation, exploitation, and force.

Anyway I cannot fucking wait for Camila and Eda to meet oh my fucking god

[thewayuarent]

Handling an addiction. Part 1.

Cause oh we need to have this conversation

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, and I won’t pretend to be. This is based on my personal experience as someone who is/was in several relationships with people who struggle from different forms of addiction. I want to clarify that I do understand all characters and while I’m going to critique them I do not blame them. The very important thing to remember is that it's a very complicated topic and there is no clear right answer to it. Let's keep in mind that any conversation about any difficult topic is always mostly one-sided and it's impossible to talk about everything once. This is about addiction and only about it, but all characters are way more then that one topic. Are we good now? Let's go.

So, let’s talk about Ray’s addiction and how people in his life are failing to handle it. 

The most important thing to remember is: addiction is a disease. By definition of most medical associations all over the world. Addiction is not a personal choice. And while it doesn’t excuse Ray’s behaviour throughout the show, it explains it. And this is a big difference. Ray as a character is much more than just his addiction, absolutely. But his addiction is a huge part of who he is and how he behaves and we need to constantly remember about it.

This conversation begins every week after every episode. Most people who seem to understand the complexity of his situation are also people who have a lot of sympathy and understanding towards him, and this is great. There are also a lot of people who feel towards him mostly annoyance and desire for him to stop without understanding why he can't - and this list starts from characters in the show. It’s, again, understandable. It’s also the worst thing you can do towards someone who struggles from addiction. 

So let’s start from Ray’s friend group and we’ll go from the least harmful to most harmful characters’ behaviour.

Boston. Yeah, shockingly, I know. But the fact is - Boston actually has the best-ish (from the worst so it’s not a high ground here) approach towards Ray’s addiction. And why? Well, cause he doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t pretend to do. Boston is way far from the good support system Ray actually needs but at least he never judges Ray for his habits. He won’t help him, sure, but he won’t damage him harder (well, he is, but on a different topic).

We don’t actually know a lot about this friend group dynamic outside of their current drama and one episode happened two years ago. But we kind of can assume (cause Mew said it twice - in episodes 1 and 6) that Boston at least on some level was periodically responsible for taking Ray home. Which is really weird for me, by the way, cause both times Mew said Boston will take care of him Boston was also drinking. Not on Ray’s level, but still not in a shape to drive. But whatever. 

Don’t get me wrong, Boston is a shitty friend. He’s the one called Ray a burden in episode 1 which led to Ray rushing out.

And he intentionally targets Ray more than once towards the show about Mew, which is absolutely harmful and not helpful (can we talk about the weird obsession Boston has about Ray and Mew having sex? Like dude relax, nobody cares. Well, Top does).

He is absolutely not someone you want to have in your support system while trying to heal (not if Ray’s trying but we’ll get to that in part 2). But at least he is honest about not wanting to handle an addict. And the truth is: no one in this friends group wants to. And it’s fine, actually, more on that in a minute. But oh the level of hypocrisy the other two have.

Cheum. So, I truly don’t understand what the show is trying to tell us with this one. It’s either a clear critique on the hypocrisy people tend to have towards addicts or an attempt to show how addiction ruins not only people with it but also their surroundings. And if it’s the second one then I have a problem with how it’s shown.

There is a gold rule of cinema: show, don’t tell. We are told more than once that Cheum and Mew were actively trying to stop Ray. But what we’re actually shown is way different. The thing is, they are college kids. They drink a lot. They party a lot. And if we see this group all together they are either in university or drinking (except for the iconic pool scene). And specifically Cheum seems to get drunk pretty often. So while we’re told they tried to help Ray we’re shown only how they actually (unintentionally!!) support his behaviour or ignore it. And what should I think?

I think that they missed the point when Ray’s habits became an actual addiction. And I understand why - it’s a very easy thing to miss. I think that before his suicide attempt they did’t notice his mental struggles. I think after that they were shocked and scared and they didn’t know how to handle it so they chose to ignore it. This is a very common reaction and it’s understandable. 

The very important moment to remember is they don’t owe Ray anything. They can choose to help him and support him or not to deal with it. Handling an addiction is so hard and frustrating and exhausting for every participant. And if they choose to not get themselves into it - it’s normal. It doesn’t make them bad people, as choosing to help doesn't make somebody a better person. It’s a choice and every choice matters.

But if you make this choice - be true to it. Don’t play the “I tried to help you but you don’t want it so it’s on you” card. People with addiction didn’t choose to be that way. But people in their lives? They have an actual choice. No one will judge you if it’s not for you (at least normal people won’t). It’s honestly way better than staying only to constantly remind an addict how bad he is - he knows it already.

The thing I have to say to Cheum is - go away. It’s harsh, but it needs to be said. Don’t lie to yourself or Ray. Tell him (in very careful way) that you are tired, that you can’t handle it, that he needs help you can’t provide. Or stay, but do your research and prepare yourself to long hard work. But don’t continue to constantly drink with him to then be surprised why he can’t get better. Cheum is absolutely not responsible for Ray's actions. But she is responsible for hers. 

The one time I was almost agree with her was that scene.

Because bringing drugs was a very fucked up thing to do - Ray puts at risk not only himself but the whole group and he deserves to be called out on that. But. She continues to put all the blame on Ray - the thing she does the whole episode and it’s just frustrating as hell -  forgetting about Mew. Mew, who actually has a lot of responsibility in that situation.

Mew. Well, he does the worst thing you can imagine to do with a person like Ray. I get it, he’s hurt, I totally understand why he does what he does. I don't think he intends to hurt Ray. But.

Mew forgets a critically important thing here - can you guess which one? - right, that Ray is an addict. Mew can do all this stuff and be fine afterwards. It is always a risk that he won’t, of course, but his superiority complex tells him he’ll be fine. And I also think so - I mean, he's a young adult, he can try partying and drinking and drugs and be totally okay after.

He can turn back. Ray can’t.

Mew did help Ray in his worst moment that one time two years ago, and it is worth remembering. And after that Mew tried his best to distance himself from Ray’s struggles - again, understandable. He was trying to talk with Ray and while it was really bad - I still give him the benefit of a doubt. He is young, he’s not a specialist, he didn’t do any research and he thinks it might work.

But a moment he decides to let loose he turns to Ray for help. Because Ray will never judge him - both cause his idolisation and cause it’s not his place to judge, he does all this stuff himself. And this is absolutely terrible. I’m sorry, but it is. Mew, the same as everyone else, doesn’t owe Ray his help or time or support. But while it is not necessary for him to help Ray, it is a necessity to not actively - and this time intentionally - support him in this.

For Mew everything happening is episode 8 is a journey, a new experience. For Ray it's a fucking relapse.

He knows Ray is an addict. He just doesn’t care at the moment. But it can be so, so dangerous for Ray. Mew started this spiraling down journey, but it’s Ray who will end up at the bottom.

And for everyone who says Ray is also an active participant - he is. But he is not. He has a disease. And he gets in a situation where a person he idolises, his favourite human being, finally doesn’t judge him. Instead, Mew supports him. Mew wants to be like him. Can you imagine even a possibility where Ray in this situation says no? It’s impossible, not in the state he’s in right now.

And this is why I critisize this friend group. This is why they deserve to be criticized. Because this is a depiction of how these things work in reality too. You don't have to help him. But the least thing you can do - if you deside to stay in his life - is to have a compassion towards him and don't get him worse.

In part two I will talk about Ray’s current state and of course about the one person who kind of does the better job here - and why Sand is able to do it.

[rubendiasthoughts]

Just so you know, I am not writing about any of his actual ex girlfriends. For the purpose of this story, let's just pretended he dated some sort of an influencer or something like that 😅

Anyways, hope you enjoy! This was written based on an idea sent to me by my lovely Portuguese bestie, so thank you babe ❤

Reader gets angry at Ruben after his ex talks shit on a reality show and Ruben convinces the reader she is the only one he cares about:

You couldn't help the feeling of jealousy that was bubbling in the pit of your stomach, as you listened to the words leaving the mouth of a woman on your phone screen. You got tagged in that video so many times you finally decided to check what it was about, not expecting it to be a fragment of an interview given by your husband's ex. For your understanding, it was this type of a confession interview that people give on reality shows. Ruben's ex apparently decided to take part in one and she didn't miss the opportunity to bring up his name. The things she was saying making you clench your teeth in anger. She was boasting about a certain famous footballer (not giving a name, but it was so obvious who she meant) who was so head over heels in love with her - she claimed she was the one to break up with him, after he made it clear he wanted to marry her. She was gushing all about how obsessed he was with her, how he told her she was the love of his life and the only one he could ever want, insinuating his relationship with you was only a way for him to try and forget about his ex. Making it seem like you were only a rebound. In the back of your mind you knew that what she said was not true, you knew getting mad about it was stupid, however you couldn't help but feel pure anger.

The jealousy that overtook you making you give a cold shoulder to your husband. He seemed to be extremely confused when he made it back from training that afternoon and you dodged his kiss, without as much as even saying hello to him. He tried to ask you what happened, what was the reason of your unusual behaviour, but you just kept ignoring him. After few failed attempts he decided to give up, to give you some space and come back to the topic later. He decided to mind his own business for a little while, so he occupied himself with some lengthy Netflix show. However, after hours have passed, he couldn't keep acting like nothing has happened, he was determined to make amends with you before the two of you nodded off, not wanting to go to bed angry at each other. He raised himself from the couch and went to find you, he stumbled through the rooms of your house until he finally found you, putting on your complicated skincare routine in front of your bathroom mirror. He leaned against the doorfarme and looked at your reflection in silence, until you realized his presence and your eyes met his in the mirror. For a while neither of you said anything, but it was Ruben who broke the silence.

"Will you tell me what I did to make you so upset?" he asked, but didn't receive any response from you. "C'mon y/n, this is childish. Can't we just talk it out?" irritation was clear in his voice.

"Oh, I am the one who is childish?! Why won't you say that about your ex girlfriend, huh? Is she not childish for going on a fucking reality show, talking all about how she is the one who you really wanted to be with?" you screamed at him, turning on your heel to be able to look at him and crossing your arms on your chest in anger.

Ruben blinked at your words, his brows furrowed as if he was shocked at what you have just said.

"You saw that?" he stuttered after a while of what seemed like him gathering his words.

"How do you expect me not to see it, when it's all everybody is talking about? Do you know how many people tagged me in it, how many people sent that video to me, laughing in my face about how your ex was so much better then me?" your eyes drilling into Ruben, anger and jealousy racing through your veins.

"Baby, please don't listen to any of that, you know it's not true. Please let's just have a calm talk..." he tried to reason with you, but it had quite the opposite effect, his composure pissing you off even more.

"No, I don't want to talk. You know what? Maybe you should just go back to her if she's so great, huh?" you spit out those words before turning back around so that you were facing the mirror again. Just as you were about to start putting your cream on your face again, you felt heat of a body pressing against your back. You looked up and saw the reflection of your husband right behind you, his arms wrapping around you, his head dropping to the crook of your neck and soon you felt his lips tracing your soft skin. He rutted his hips into you, making you very aware of the growing erection hidden in his sweatpants.

"Don't you see what you do to me, baby?" he rasped straight into your ear. "You think I care about anybody else but you?" he mumbled into the skin of your neck, before running his tounge against it. "Gonna let me show you who I belong to, baby?" he asked you, raising his head and looking at you through the mirror. After seeing you nod, his hands worked on the knot of your robe, until ha managed to undo it and slid the silky material down your arms. His hands immediately rested on your hips, pushing you on the counter so that you would lean against it. One of his hands traveled up your back, rested between your shoulder blades and pushed you forward, making you rest your weight on your hands on the countertop and arch your back slightly. He bunched up the material of your night gown over your hips as his lips worked on the sensitive skin of your shoulders and your neck.

"Fuck, you are so beautiful, so perfect for me" he praised you as his fingers hooked under the material of your panties and pulled them down your legs. He only slightly lowered the material of the sweatpants and the boxers that he was wearing, to be able to take out his hard cock. He wrapped his hand around it, giving it few tentative pumps before guiding himself to your entrance.

"Look at me" he ordered, as he teased your already dripping hole with the tip of his cock. "Gonna fuck you dumb, baby, make you forget about all of that bullshit, you understand?" Ruben asked, as he pushed the head of his dick into your thight walls.

You let out a moan, only able to nod your head in response. Ruben's large hands grabbed a thight hold of your hips once again, as he pushed himself deeper inside you, groans leaving his mouth at the feeling of your warm cunt swallowing his length. Your hands gripped the countertop roughly as Ruben set a harsh pace with his deep thrusts. One of his hands left your hip and traveled to the front of your body until it reached your neck. He gripped your throat, squeezing it and making you raise your head up, so that you could watch what he was doing to you in the mirror.

"Look how well we fit together, pretty girl. It's like you were made for me." he groaned right next to the shell of your ear, making you let out another shaky moan. He added more pressure to your throat, while his hips were slamming into yours in a brutal pace. "Fuck, you're so thight, best pussy I've ever had, you heard me?" Ruben asked you through gritted teeth.

Your throat was dry, the pleasure running through you so overwhelming, you felt like you wouldn't be able to let out a word if you tried, so you opted for an eager nod of your head. However, Ruben wasn't having any of that, as he let go of your neck and grabbed a fistful of your hair, making your head tilt back.

"Asked you a question angel, I need to hear words" he reminded you in a raspy voice, before attaching his lips to the skin of your exposed neck.

"Yes... Yes, Ruben" you let out in between the shameless moans that were escaping your mouth. Your eyes shut closed at the feeling of his teeth digging into the sensitive skin of your shoulder.

"That's my good girl." a smirk spread on his face at the feeling of your walls clenching around his cock. "You gonna cum for me, baby?" he asked, his fast and deep strokes inside of you not letting up.

"Yes... Please, don't stop" you begged, feeling tingles spread in your tummy, a sign of your orgasm approaching.

"Go on baby, squeeze my cock like a good girl" Ruben encouraged you, his eyes glued to your reflection, as he admired your face scrunched up from the pleasure he was giving you. "Gonna cum deep inside you, show you who I belong to" he groaned, as your orgasm washed through you, him following you soon, emptying his load inside of you.

After the two of you came down from your highs, Ruben slowly pulled out of you, letting out a hiss. He turned you around in his arms, pressing a kiss to your temple before putting you up on the counter. He fixed his sweatpants and went to find a cloth to clean you up, returning to your side in a matter of few seconds.

"You are the only one for me" he whispered against your lips, before capturing them in a sweet kiss. A feeling of ease washed through you at his reassurance and you rested your head against his chest when he broke the kiss. Ruben's chest filled with ease, knowing that the two of you were okay again.

[gyupinkys]

AMANDA?

LEE SEOKMIN X READER

WC: 4.1K

"DK, I know you're trying to kill me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

WARNINGS: MURDER, GORE, DOMESTIC ABUSE (Obviously not from DK.), CHEATING, GUNS, unprotected sex, oral, face sitting, thigh riding, cream pie, and a whole lot of DK fucking you better than your asshole husband. 

“Why does she need to die?” Seokmin asks, feeling unsure about this situation.

“DK, You’d think after all these years you’d be fine with killing people. Especially him” Cheol says, raising his eyebrow.

“But, She’s innocent. We should just kill him.”

“Trust me, we are gonna kill him but this would hurt him more. You know she’s his prized possession, he has some kind of sick obsession with her. I expect her to be dead in the next two weeks, make it look like an accident, but I want him to know it was us.”

“How am I supposed to get her to talk to me? He probably keeps watch over her 24/7.”

“I don’t know, but figure it out. Do not disappoint me”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every time he enters the room, you feel the same despair you always have. He’s an anomaly, he’s a fucking monster. You look up at him as he enters your shared bedroom. He’s drunk. Great.

“Can you sleep in the other room tonight?” you ask as gently as possible, trying to not upset him. 

“Why would I do that?” he slurs.

“Because you’re drunk.”

“And? My wife doesnt want to share a bed with me because I’m fucking drunk?” he says starting to get upset. This is what you’ve been trying to avoid. 

“I’m sorry, you can just stay. I don’t know what I was thinking.” you can feel the tears forming in your eyes. 

“No, I think you just don’t want me.” he spits getting close to you. “I give your stupid ass everything. Without me you’d still be poor and fucking useless. You’re not good for anything, you fucking need me. I saved you! ”

You just stare at him, too scared to respond. He didn’t save you. He forced you to marry him.  “Answer me you fucking bitch.” he spits grabbing your hair.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” you cry out trying not to upset him further. 

“If I knew you were such an idiot I wouldn’t have looked your way.” he growls, slapping you across the face. You just stay silent, anything you do makes it worse yet doing nothing makes it worse. There's no winning. You just look at him with tears in your eyes but a harsh punch to your jaw only makes you give up. You sit there and take the beating, there's nothing you can do to stop it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You do a good job at covering the bruises, it’s been a few days so they aren't as prominent. After two years of dealing with this, you’ve learned how to pretend. Days like this you wish you fought him harder, told someone what he was doing before it was too late. You walk around the city and put on a brave face, trying to cheer yourself up. You walk into your favorite boba shop, nothing can cheer you up like a strawberry milk slush. As you’re sipping your drink a man sits in the chair across from you. 

“Amanda?” he says in a questioning tone, looking at you.

“Uh, that's not me.”

“Oh.” he says with a pout.

You just look at him, unsure of what to say next. “Are you sure that's not your name?” he asks with a wide smile. Wow, his smile is so bright. The way his eyes shrink up makes him look so cute. You can’t help but smile, his presence is somehow so comforting and warm. 

“I’m quite sure, but why don’t you tell me your name?”

“I’m DK.”

“Your name is DK?” you ask in disbelief.

“Well my real name is Seokmin, but my friends call me Dk, which is short for Dokyeom.” 

“Why does your nickname have a nickname?”

“I’m not sure. My friends are pretty weird.”

You can’t help but laugh. 

“Well my name is Y/N.” you say with a bright smile.

“Well that’s quite far from Amanda.” he jokes.

“Can I ask why you thought I was Amanda?”

“I didn’t think you were actually Amanda, I just didn’t have a pick up line.” he admits sheepishly.

You can’t get the smile off your face. “Oh that's definitely a new one.”

“Did it work?”

“It would have if I wasn’t married.”

He dramatically falls back and clutches his chest. “I feel my world falling apart.” he says as he fake dies.

You can’t contain your laughter. What an idiot you think to yourself. 

“You’re so dramatic. You just met me.”

“But now I have to call the venue and cancel the wedding.”

You smile and shake your head. If your husband saw you right now you would be dead meat. Just the thought makes you shudder and withdraw from the conversation. He senses your sudden change in mood. 

“Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No, no it’s not you.”

“You’re worried about your husband?”

“Yea. He just wouldn’t like to see me talking to you.”

“Because I’m a guy?”

“Yea.”

“He sounds like an ass.”

You give him a small smile. “He’s just overprotective.”

“Well we can just be friends.”

“He doesn’t let me have friends.” 

He looks at you bewildered. “He doesn't let you?”

“He says they aren’t good for me.” you say embarrassed. Who isn’t allowed to have friends?

“The more you speak of him the more I want to beat his ass.”

“Trust me, you don’t want to get involved with him.”

“What, you don’t think I could take him?” he says as he flexes his muscles dramatically, obviously trying to make you feel better. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t underestimate you, DK.” 

“Maybe you shouldn't,” he winks.

“Can I have your number?”

Your eyes widen. “My husband would actually murder me if he found out I gave someone my number.”

“Stop talking about that dude. Do what you want for once.”

You weigh your options. This will end badly for you if he finds out but it’s not like the outcome would be different from any other night. He punishes you no matter what you do, you might as well have a little fun. 

“Ok. but don’t text me after 7pm. That's when he comes home and if he sees me texting someone he’ll flip.” 

“Yea, yea i’ll be careful of the evil mean husband.” he smirks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time you see him is a week later in the mall. He’s at the register with a man, speaking a little too loudly.

“My wallet is too deep in my bag, can you just pay for it?”

The person he’s with looks at him with contempt. “How many times are you going to do this?”

“We’ve been friends for years and you can’t buy me a fucking pretzel?”

He is so ridiculous. You laugh silently at him as they hold up the line causing the people behind them to start complaining. His friend eventually folds and pays. You stand up and walk up to him.

“Quite a show you put on there, DK.”

He turns to you with wide eyes. “Y/N! What are you doing here?” he nervously chuckles eyeing his friend.

“Shopping?” 

“Oh that’s nice. C’mon I’ll go with you.” he says and grabs your wrist pulling you along with him.

Well that was weird.

You two walk around the mall for a bit, going in and out of stores, window shopping, buying things you don’t need. He leaves with three new pairs of clown-like shoes, ignoring your teasing.

“I like to think I’m the best jester in the king's court.” he responded with a charming smile making you burst out laughing. 

DK is feeling conflicted as he looks at you. This would be much easier if you weren't so cute. You're looking at him like he’s the sun, like he’s a fresh breath of air and with the way that fucker you call your husband treats you, he might just be. This is why he’s not cut out for this killing shit, he feels like he’s already attached to you.

“Do you want to come to my place? We could watch a movie or something?”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

“Whatever you're thinking, forget it. Stop thinking about him. You need to live your life, fuck him if he’s mad.”

It's easy for him to say when he’s not the one dealing with this life. 

“What if he finds out?”

“So what? Y/N, you can’t live your whole life in fear.”

You sigh. Even though he’s on a business trip this still isn't a good idea, but you don’t have it in you to say no. “Ok.”

He smiles brightly at you. “We're gonna have a good time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wait so let me get this straight. You picked up the plastic bag?” you laugh, the alcohol starting to get to your head. You’re making sure to not drink too much, you don’t need anything going wrong.

“You should've seen the look he was giving me! You would’ve picked it up too.” he exclaims, making you laugh harder.

“I’m just imagining you on your knees looking upset.”

“Y/N, You want me on my knees? Kinky.”

You feel a blush shoot to your face. “Seokmin, stop.” you say, hiding your face.

He pulls your hands from your face. “I never said I was against it.” he says, sliding off the couch and sinking to his knees. Your eyes widen. “What are you doing?”

“I’m granting your wishes,” he says.

“Oh.” you say, suddenly out of breath. 

He just smirks, putting his hands on your thighs, making your body stiffen.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“What are you planning to do?”

He leans forward and places a kiss on your neck, then another, and another, making you let out a deep sigh. What the fuck? He kisses up to your ear.

“I’ve wanted to eat that pretty pussy from the moment I saw you. I know he doesn’t treat you the way he should. I’d have you crying out for god, pretty girl.”

You must be losing your mind. 

“I can’t even lie, I’ve got off to the thought of you sitting that ass on my face. I want to feel you all over me. I’d make you cum so many times sweetness, it’ll be all about you, I don’t even care about me, I just want you to feel good.”

If he keeps talking like this, the little restraint you have is going to break.

“What do you say?” he groans into your neck. “I want you so bad. Do you want me too?”

You nod. “What else do you want to do?”

He chuckles, kissing down your body until he’s seated on his knees again. 

“Fuck around and find out.”

You lean forwards and kiss him, his hands immediately start roaming your body, trying to pull off whatever clothes he can get his hands on. He bites your lip making you groan into the kiss, giving him access to the rest of your mouth. By the time all of your clothes are off the kiss is nothing but tongue and teeth. His hands grope and squeeze your entire body, indenting his hands into your ass. You're grateful the bruises on your rib have healed, because if he saw them it would be a shit show. 

He sits on the couch and lays down, pulling your body on top of his without breaking the kiss. You’re sitting on his thighs, grinding yourself onto him, leaving a wet sheen on them. He breaks the kiss and groans into your neck. 

“Fuck, sweetness. Grind that pretty pussy on my thigh, use me to make yourself feel good.” 

He grabs your hips and pushes you down harder, flexing his thigh so your clit is constantly stimulated. Your moans are getting louder and louder, making him harder. He doesn't think he’s ever been this hard, if he doesn't control himself he’ll cum right on your stomach. You’re incredible, so beautiful, and you’re already doing so good for him.   

He can feel you’re clenching around nothing, making your wetness leak out of you more. Without hesitation he pulls you up his body and onto his face. He dives right in making you yelp. His tongue runs through your folds multiple times before going straight for your clit, sucking hard. 

“You taste like heaven baby” he groans. “I never thought I’d be jealous of him, but fuck, just the thought that he gets this sweet pussy every night makes me so angry.” 

You moan loudly, pulling his hair, making him groan. He takes his anger out on your cunt, wrapping his strong arms around your hips, grinding you onto his tongue. As he fucks you with his tongue his nose bumps your clit repeatedly, throwing you over the edge. He doesn't stop eating you out, ignoring your attempts to pull yourself off.

“Oh my god, DK please I can’t.”

He smiles against you, placing a kiss on your clit and sliding you down his body. You rest your head against his shoulder, trying to catch your breath. 

“Baby. We aren’t done, I need to get my full taste of this pussy before I send you back to that fucker.”

He leans forwards and whispers in your ear. “I want him to find my cum leaking out of you.”

Fucking hell, this mouth is going to be the death of you. He lifts you up and bends you over the back of the couch. 

“Tell me if it's too much.”

He slides straight in, stretching you out in the most delectable way possible. He gives you some time to adjust but in reality he’s forcing himself to not cum. There’s no way he can kill you, not when you have a tight cunt like this. “Fuck, baby. You feel so good.” he says as he begins to thrust. Gradually picking up his pace. He feels so good inside you, hitting every spot your husband couldn’t. You can’t help but moan and groan with every thrust, the force behind them pushing you further and further into the couch. You feel like you’re floating away, the intense pleasure taking your breath away.

“Tell me. Can he fuck you better than me? Can he reach the places I can? Make you feel like you’re on another planet?”

You can only groan and whimper in response, making him smile victoriously. 

“Don’t stress that pretty head on more than you need to ok? Just take this dick and cum for me, baby.”

“Oh my god” you groan. He’s so deep and he’s hitting your spot everytime.

“Say my name instead. Call out for me, I’m the one making you feel this good, right?” he smirks into your neck.

“Seokmin, it feels so good, please don’t stop.”

“Trust me I would never. I want to die in this pussy.”

He pushes down on your shoulders, arching your back more, making him somehow reach deeper. 

“Fuckkk” he groans, reaching under you to rub your clit harshly making you jump.

“Cum for me baby, I need it so fucking bad. I want to feel this pussy clench around me.”

You cum harder than ever, squirting all over him and his couch. You don’t have it in you to care, getting lost in the pleasure. DK is doing no better, forcing himself to let you finish before he cums himself. You’re squeezing him so tightly, milking his cock for all he’s worth. He cums with a loud moan, fucking his cum deep into you. “Just like that, take all my cum baby, I want him to see it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’ve been texting DK a lot more than you should. Things have clearly changed after that night and you don’t have it in you to feel guilty.  He keeps trying to meet up with you under the guise of a “besties date” but you’re too scared. People don’t normally fuck their besties. What if your husband sees you with him? You risked too much last time. This is so stressful. How did your life end up like this? It feels like one second you had your life together and the next you’re forced to live with him. You stare  at your messages with Seokmin. 

Deekayy: What do you say? It’s strictly as besties.

You: ok. I’ll meet you there

Deekayy: I knew you would come to your senses.

You can’t lie and say you're not excited. Your one meeting with DK was the most fun you’ve had in years. He makes you feel so bright and alive, his happiness is contagious. You hear the keys in your door turn, jumping. You quickly delete your messages with DK. 

“Pumpkin”

Shut the fuck up. “Yes?” you pop your head up over the couch. 

“Come here,” he says with a sweet smile. This can't be good. Your mind starts racing; what did you do wrong this time? You slowly walk towards him but stop a few feet away, feeling the anger radiating. 

“Y/N. I must be neglecting you. Because there's no reason for you to be going out with other men.”

“What?” you say trying not to cry. 

He pulls out his phone and shows you pictures of you and DK. Your breathing picks up, you feel like you’re going to have a panic attack.

“He’s just a friend.”

You hear the slap before you feel it. Fuck that hurt. “Don’t lie to me Y/N.”

“I swear I literally just met him.”

His hand flies to your neck, choking you. “You’re fucking him aren’t you?”

Your eyes widen. “NO! I’m not I promise you I would never cheat on you.” You lie, trying to sound sincere. 

“Fucking slut” he growls and throws you on the floor. The hits and kicks come but you barely feel them. Trying your best to zone out, leave your body and escape into your mind. Your mind drifts to DK. After living this same boring life he was a breath of fresh air, sunshine to your constant rainy day. As tears fall from your eyes you manage a smile. You know you’ll never see him again but the feeling he gave you will stay with you forever. 

You’re rudely pulled from your mind by a rough shake. 

“Y/N. Did you know your little boy toy is trying to kill you? Laughable right? He’s a fucking assassin you dumb bitch. I have people after me, I should've known they’d come for you. I want you to meet with him, tell him you don’t want to see him anymore and that you don’t know where I am.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my pawn in this game” he smirks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’re sitting at a cafe waiting for Seokmin. You check your makeup every five seconds, worried the bruises will peek through the makeup. You focused especially on your black eye, the concealer starting to crack. 

You hear the bell on the door ring and you can feel his aura. He immediately sits across from you with a wide smile, which promptly drops when he sees your disheveled state.

“Are you ok?”

You just nod, too scared to speak knowing you’re being watched.

“Y/N.”

You look up at him and see his face suddenly turned hard.

“What happened?” 

“DK, I know you’re trying to kill me.”

He looks even more upset. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You feel the tears start to flow, rough wiping your eyes. “DK, we shouldn’t see eachother again.” 

He gently grabs your chin. Fuck. The concealer on your hand tells you all you need to know. “He did this?” he asks, sounding very upset.  

“He didn’t like that I was talking to you.”

He looks to the ceiling and takes a deep breath. “I want you to come stay with me.”

“So you can kill me?”

“Y/N, if i wanted to kill you, you would already be dead.” he grits, getting frustrated only making you cry more. 

“Love, don’t cry. I’m sorry for yelling at you. I just want you away from that man. I’ll make sure he will never hurt you again.”

“DK, what are you involved in?” you say hesitantly.

“I don’t want you to know.” he sighs.

“Please.”

He’s obviously debating whether he should tell you or not. “I’m involved in some shady shit. I know what your husband does for a living. A lot of people want him dead.”

“So why were you trying to kill me?”

“Because it would hurt him more.” he says as he grabs your hands. “Y/N, I would never hurt you, Ok. I swear on everything, I will do nothing but cherish you for the rest of your life. I know we met a few weeks ago, but I know I love you. You’re all I think about, all I see, I can’t imagine a future without you.”

You believe him. Even if it's foolish, nothing is worse than what you’re going through now. 

You know your husband is nearby watching but you can’t live like this anymore. “Ok, but I can’t go now.”

“Why.”

“He’s waiting for me outside.”

Dk sighs. “Ok. Go with him, I’ll come get you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're laying in bed when you hear your front door creek open. You couldn’t sleep knowing he was coming to save you. Your back is turned to the bedroom door when he walks in, but you’re confused when you hear multiple sets of footsteps and voices. You sit up to see DK in a tight black t-shirt and cargo pants. You admit he looks very handsome. There's two more guys with him, one with bright red hair and the other who's a  literal giant. “Y/N let's go.” the red haired one whispers coming close to you. The whispering proves useless when DK lands a hard punch to your husband's face waking him up. He shoots up confused just for another punch to land on his jaw.

“You like to beat women?” DK spits.

“What are you doing here?”

Instead of answering, DK punches him again, and again. 

“Just take her! Isn’t that what you wanted?” your husband whimpers.

That pisses the giant off and he literally pulls your husband out of bed by his shirt and throws him to the floor, landing a heavy kick to his side making him empty his stomach. “You’re disgusting.”

“Let's get you out of here.” the red haired man says but you refuse.

“No. I want to watch” you say, making his eyes widen.

DK turns to you. “Love, you shouldn’t see this.”

“Love? I knew you were fucking him you slut.” your husband spits from the floor. 

DK looks down at the man in contempt. “You shut the fuck up.” he says, punctuating his sentence with a kick to his jaw, most likely breaking it. 

“Well, now you can’t speak,” DK smiles.

“Seokmin, please. I need to”

He walks over to you, cupping your face. “I don’t want you to look at me differently.”

“Right now I’m looking at you like my savior.” you smile.

“You’re gonna make me blush” he giggles making you roll your eyes. 

“Can we end the romance and deal with this fucker.” the giant says. 

Dk walks towards him and pulls out a gun from his holster. 

“You really don’t know the gem you had when you had it. But don’t worry I’ll make her real happy.”

Your husband can only slit his eyes, unable to respond. He spits on DK’s face, smiling victoriously. The same look you saw when DK saw the bruises is the same look he gives your husband. He cocks his gun and shoots him straight in the balls. 

“I’ve always wanted to do that.” he giggles

Your husband begins screaming for help, tears flowing down his face. Dk shoots him again in the foot, only laughing more.

“This hurts right? Imagine how much it hurts everytime you put your hands on her? I want you to suffer.”

The giant stomps on his foot making his scream more.

“We gotta go, the cops are coming.” 

DK points his gun at your husband's head. 

“Wait” you jump up. “I want to do it.”

His eyes widened. “Alright.”

You get up a bit too excitedly making everyone turn to you. You take the gun from his hand and lean down towards your husband. 

“I hope you burn in hell and you were right, I am fucking him. I’m shocked you never noticed his cum spilling out of me everytime I would come home to you. ” You spit, exaggerating just to piss him off. This somehow gives him a burst of energy, he grabs you by the neck.

“You’ll never escape me.”

“Oh, I think I will.” you smile and push him away from you and shoot him between the eyes watching his body slump to the floor.

“That was really hot.” the red-haired man says. 

“Minghao, fuck off.”