#pete is so fucking real as not just a character but as a person when you look back on what's been shown to us

[nolita-fairytale]

make my heart surrender (carmy berzatto x fem!reader) | chapter two: wednesday

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

warnings: lots of swearing, lots of angst in this one, use of she/her pronouns, allusions to sex, eventual smut, smoking (plz remember smoking is injurious to your health, ppl), avoidance tactics, mentions of al-anon, no use of y/n, second person pov, mentions of death/mikey's suicide

word count: 3.3k

summary: while you get to know the kitchen staff of the bear a little better, you and carmy finally acknowledge the elephant in the room.

a/n: the song 'about you' by the 1975 makes me think of these two and is where the title comes from. also, i totally made up the pete has an airbnb thing but i just feel like he'd be in real estate or something with his little patagonia vests lol. anyways, happy valentine's day babes & enjoy!

read: part one | masterlist

Wednesday 

“Okay, this is some next level shit,” Marcus concludes, in between chews as he tries the brioche donuts you let rise overnight. “It’s got everything I like about the yeast donut but the flavor is so much more pronounced.”

“Carmy said you knew how to throw down but.”

Sydney nods, taking another bite of hers, and you watch as Fak holds the donut up to his ear, letting out a wild, “Wow.”

“Oh fuck,” Sydney practically groans, the salty-sweet flavors of the caramel hitting her taste buds.

Last night, pre-dinner shift, you were introduced to the colorful cast of characters that filled up this kitchen. There was Richie, Carmy’s not-biological-cousin cousin, and Tina, who’d been working in this kitchen since before any of you were born. And Neil the handyman, who somehow actively chose to go back his last name, Fak, which puzzled you. Then there was Ebrahim, who seemed to serve as the meat prep cook and the onsite first-aid guy. And Sydney, the brilliant sous who’d worked in fine dining kitchens till she came here, eager to learn from Carmy. 

It was a far cry from the kitchens you and Carmy used to work in but this kitchen there were similarities… things every kitchen has. Everyone has their own little quirks, preferences, styles…. 

They’re just a little more, well, allowed to be themselves and while overwhelming, you find it refreshing as well.

Fak smells the donut next, followed by another ‘wow,’ and your eyes widen as Fak begins licking just the icing. 

“Wow,” Fak repeats, carrying on his more-than-peculiar behavior. 

“Is he-?” you start, sharing a look with Sydney next. 

…alright? Is this normal? Is he okay?

“Yeah, sometimes we just let him–,” Sydney tries to explain, but she’s not quite sure how to explain Neil Fak to anyone outside of their ecosystem. 

“Okay.”

“Anyways, so this is just a personal preference and perhaps a symptom of too much time spent in fine dining, but I like to fuck around with weird flavors,” you continue to explain, in reference to the salty miso caramel creme pat you’ve filled the donut with. 

“I’m not much for too sweet-of-sweets,” you announce, earning a laugh from Marcus and Sydney. “... which yes, is a very odd thing to say for a pastry chef. So I like to find combinations that cut the sweetness of anything and give the taste buds another experience at the same time.”

“Which isn’t the direction you have to take your pastries, chef.”

Marcus shakes his head, “No, this is… super cool. And I like it a lot.”

“I apologize in advance if I sound like a total loser,” Sydney starts, placing her donut down on the paper towel. “But when I was at the CIA, I actually had your lemongrass creme brulee.

“With the black sesame ice cream?”

“And the sesame crumble.”

“Oh my god!” you exclaim. What a blast from the past. “Yeah, I had to fight hard to get some of those ingredients on the menu. You know. Before everyone thought it was cool to do shit like that.”

Sydney smiles in agreement, going back for more of her donut. 

“So what’re we workin’ on next, chef?” Marcus asks. He has his notebook out and has a few renderings drawn up with ideas he had last night. 

“Well now that we’ve built a great brioche together, I’d love to keep practicing your piping technique and-,” you begin, stopping mid sentence as Carmy joins the three of you. 

“Mornin’, chef! Hey, try this,” Marcus greets, ecstatic about the results of just a day of working with you, as he hands Carmy a donut. 

He takes it, immediately taking a bite. You can practically see the gears turning in his head as he processes and dissects every single flavor note he experiences. You’re all quiet as you wait for his response. 

And honestly, you’re still pretty pissed off about him leaving you hanging the day before. After you and Marcus finished up your prep, you had made your way back to your airbnb – the one he set you up in when he asked you to come here. 

You had tried your best not to feel like a total loser as you hoped he'd reach out with an explanation. No call, no text, no nothing, wondering why he asked you to come in the first place. 

Carmy takes his time savoring his first bite. 

“I almost forgot how good you are at this,” he compliments, his tone neutral as if it’s just a fact. 

“Thank you, chef,” is all you say back to him. You clear your throat, avoiding his gaze, and continuing to go over today’s bake with Marcus. 

You don’t mean to ignore Carmy, but you’re not sure how to act around him either. One minute he’s ignoring you, and the next he’s making you breakfast. And then he’s standing you up, leaving in the hands of his brash cousin? Maybe, you think to yourself, it’s best to keep things professional between the two of you. 

*

You work with Marcus till an hour or so into the lunch shift. You both agreed to start your days early, since you’re only here for a week, so that you could cram as much knowledge in as possible.

Marcus asks if he can take point on flavor pairings for tomorrow’s donuts, and you agree, before parting ways till later this evening. You’ve got to come back later today from one more late night prep. 

You haven’t spoken much to Carmy at all since he came in. As much as you’ve tried to focus all of your attention on working with Marcus, Carmy has a commanding presence as he expedites. He’s got something most chefs don’t – true leadership – and it seems like his skills have only improved since he left New York. You gather up your things, preparing to take the subway home for a midday nap, heading out the back door. 

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t know you were… out here,” you gasp. You're surprised to find Carmy sitting behind the shop, sitting a few stacked crates and smoking a cigarette.

Well, that part isn’t surprising – the smoking part. You contemplate taking a seat next to him and asking him for one, but you’re really trying to cut back these days.

“It’s-, you’re good,” he says, taking another drag. He exhales smoke and the eery feeling of deja vu overtakes you.

Instead of leaving, and continuing this game of avoidance, you stand your ground.

“Are you avoiding me?” you finally muster up the courage to ask. You try your best not to sound as angry with him as you are, to no avail, as more words begin tumbling out of your mouth. “Because, if I recall correctly, Carmy, you asked me to come out here.”

Carmy waits a beat, avoiding your gaze, and it only infuriates you further. You watch as he takes another hit off of the cigarette as you continue, your rage boiling up within you.

“I don’t get it!” you exclaim, shaking your head in pure disbelief. You’re trying your best not to shout. “You ask me to come out here, and make it as easy as possible for me to be here by putting me up in this airbnb, you make me breakfast, and then… what? It’s like-, it’s like I don’t exist?” 

He doesn’t answer.

“It’s always been like this with you. One step forward and five steps back.” 

You wait before saying the next thing. 

You’re not trying to be mean, but you’re hurt, and this whole experience has all been so confusing. 

“I guess I was fucking idiot to believe that you-, that you wanted me out here or something.”

“That’s not true,” Carmy denies, finally breaking his silence. Finally looking at you, even if just for a moment. His eyes return to the concrete pavement below him as he says, “I just-.”

You don’t want to scare him away now that he’s finally talking to you, but you also want answers. And there’s an elephant in the room that maybe, if you both just acknowledged it, could go away. He puts his cigarette out on the cement beneath his feat, tossing it away onto the concrete.

You lower your voice before speaking again. 

“Are you… do you still feel weird about what happened between us?” you ask cautiously, eager to fix whatever the hell it is between the two of you. “Because I didn’t think we’d have to talk about it since, well-, I just thought we said we’d just forget it. I mean, I’m not-, I don’t-, I just don’t want things to be this weird between us, Carm." 

In some ways, you don’t blame him. You had seen him at his absolute lowest: the day Mikey died. You wonder if he felt too ashamed of how vulnerable he had been. You wondered if he still felt weird about what had happened next….

You had argued with him that day – practically demanded that he not go in for dinner service that night. You knew he had wanted a distraction, but after the phone call, after learning what Mikey had done, you knew he was wrecked – even if he wouldn’t admit it. That level of denial couldn’t be healthy, but he'd snapped at you and you didn't think there was much you could do about it. It didn’t take long for him to blow up at a line cook mid-shift, and you had quickly ushered him into the walk-in. 

“Hey! You can’t do this shit. Not here. These people look up to you!” you had chastised him. “Listen, I’m going to give you five minutes to fuckin’ lose it in here, and then you’ve gotta pull it together and finish dinner service, okay?” 

Carmy had grabbed at his chest, and you knew he was having one of his breathing episodes. 

“Carmy, are you o-?"

He’d held out his hand, as if to stop you from coming any closer, so reluctantly, you’d left him to it, closing the door behind you. The sound of empty storage containers being thrown across the walk-in filled your ears, reinforcing your exact reasons why you hadn't thought it was a good idea for him to come in that night.

That night, you had made sure he got home okay, and he’d practically begged you to stay with him. It hadn’t been the first time you’d slept in the same bed, and you knew he was at his lowest point, in need of company. It hadn’t been until he started crying – sobbing really – that he finally broke.

“Carm,” you had whispered, unsure if he wanted you to acknowledge it or not. 

“Carmy.” 

He had turned to you so tenderly, practically folding himself into your body. You had never seen him like that as he’d buried his face into your chest, his body shaking against yours. 

“I’m so sorry, Carm. I’m so sorry,” you had whispered, over and over again. You stroked his hair, wanting nothing more than to ease the pain of your best friend, but you knew there wasn’t much you could do. You’d let him cry, continuing to run your fingers along his scalp and through his delicate curls, desperate to give him any kind of comfort your could.

When he finally looked up, all he could think to do was to kiss you. You had been taken aback -- caught off guard as you'd pulled away from him.

“Carmy, stop it. You’re not-, you’re not okay right now,” you had said, pushing him away. 

At that moment, his eyes were swollen, his face red, and he looked like you had just kicked his puppy. He had leaned his head against your chest again with a sigh, letting out another sob, and you’d felt that he’d put you in an impossible position. 

You’d have been lying if you said you hadn’t wanted it – hadn’t thought about it before – but Carmy had never given you any inkling that he was even interested in dating anyone. You had been perfectly fine being ‘just friends’ with him despite the whispers between the kitchen staff when no one thought you were listening. And now? You knew he wouldn’t be in the right headspace. It wouldn't be fair to either of you.

“I’m sorry, Carm,” you’d apologized softly. “I just feel like-, well I’d feel like I'd be taking advantage. I don’t think we should.”

His silence had only made you more nervous, beginning to over explain yourself.

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I-, I do. I just… I don’t want you to regret it because… because you’re upset right now and cause you more-.”

“Please,” was all he'd said, breaking his silence and looking up at you with those sad, swollen blue eyes. He leans in to kiss you once more. 

“Please.”

In between kisses you’d managed to ask, “Are you- are you sure? Is this really what you-?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve wanted this for so long. Just-, please,” he whispered, murmuring your name into the soft kisses he had left on your skin. “Just wanna feel good.”

“Just wanna feel good.”

It was then that you’d realized what absolute fucking idiots the two of you had been for the past few years by ignoring this thing between the two of you. 

The truth was that you were fully, wholly, and stupidly in love with each other. 

“Yes,” you’d repeated, finally giving into him.

Even though it should’ve been a beginning, it felt like an end, but for one night, you’d indulged the both of you. 

“I know,” he says, his voice pulling you back into the present. His eyes are fixated on the pieces of gravel that sat between his feet. Even though you both agreed to it, he hadn’t forgotten about what happened between the two of you and he’s not sure if he should tell you that too. 

But that’s not what’s wrong. It’s not why he’s avoiding you. Or maybe it’s part of it. He hadn’t expected seeing you to be this hard. That it would bring it all back – wanting you – so much so that those incredibly big feelings had sent him running to a meeting. 

He just needed a place to be unapologetically fucked up. 

He’s not sure what he thought would happen – like you’d just fall into the same old rhythm of your friendship without a care in the world. 

He’d called Sydney yesterday and he could barely breathe. Sydney had told him to take the night off – that it wouldn’t help to come back to the kitchen that night – and that he had a whole week of you to prepare for. To figure this shit out. 

“I um,” he starts. He’s not sure why it’s so hard to get these words out; why it feels so difficult to tell you. “I’ve kinda been going to these al-anon meetings…ever since, well you know… since I got home.”

“Oh.”

Well that wasn’t what you were expecting him to say. You’re not sure what you were expecting him to say. That he hates you? That he couldn’t stand being in the same kitchen with you and yesterday brought it all back? That it was a mistake reaching out to you?

You sit down on the curb, next to Carmy, leaving plenty of space between the two of you. 

“My sister nagged me to go. Thought it was bullshit but… I don’t know why I kept going back. I still go three times a week.” 

You stare at the ground, not sure what to say next. All that comes out is:

“Well I feel like an asshole.”

He scoffs, moreso to himself, “No, you’re not. I-, I’m sorry. I should’ve-.”

You can tell he’s frustrated as he huffs, “I don’t know why this is so hard for me to tell you.”

You sigh, scooting a hair closer to your old friend. 

“I don’t know either, Carm. I-, we used to tell each other everything.”

“I know.” 

You catch his gaze, your eyes meeting with his, and it feels like you can’t breathe for a moment. 

“I should’ve called. Should’ve kept in touch. Guess I just feel like-, I don’t know,” Carmy admits, regretfully. “I know I’ve been….”

“Uh huh. You’ve been….” you trail off. 

“But I do. Want you here.”

And that’s the problem, he thinks to himself.

“I know I’ve been a dick. I shouldn't have-.”

You take a breath, processing all of it. 

“Can we… not have this conversation again?” you ask, taking a lighter tone this time. “I mean, we sorta had a very similar conversation to this yesterday… and now today… like… are you gonna stop being such a fuckin’ weirdo or what?”

He lets out a small laugh, “Yeah. Yeah I-, I’m gonna stop, well, you know.”

You chuckle in response, continuing to tease him, “Good because… you know usually when your friend comes to town you hang out a little, catch up, say hey hello how are you? I mean, maybe I’m totally out of pocket for this, but sometimes, you know… they even hug. Yeah, Carm, like, normal people.”

“Oh fuck you,” he mutters, jokingly. 

It’s quiet between the two of you, but for the first time in the last 48 hours, it's not weird. It’s a familiar quiet intimacy – something that reminds you of the before times. 

Before Mikey died.

Before you hooked up. 

“Hey, Carm?”

“Yeah?”

“I want to be here too,” you reassure in response to what he said earlier, bumping your shoulder up against his, playfully, earning the slightest smile from him. 

“How’s the place?”

“Surprisingly, very nice,” you answer, a mischievous tone in your voice like you know it’s going to start something. 

“What? You think I’d put you up in a shit place?” Carmy asks, feigning offense. 

“I’ve been in your New York apartment, Berzatto. Which is mostly why we spent most of our days off at mine,” you continue. 

He laughs dryly in response. 

“My brother-in-law manages a few airbnbs so… it’s the least I could do for… you know… you comin’ out here,” he explains. 

“Well thanks. It’s-, it’s great.” 

*

“I gotta get out of here early, and pick up the kid. Have a goodnight, sweetheart,” Richie says to you, about to head out of the restaurant. 

“Richie, what the fuck did I fuckin’ tell you about saying shit like that!” Carmen shouts back at his cousin, with an eye roll. 

“So sorry,” Richie says sarcastically, emphasizing your name after. “Gotta woke-ify everything in front of Carmen. Just a little baby.”

“Shut the fuck up!” Carmy yells across the kitchen, moving quickly through the closing shift chores. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Richie brushes off Carmy’s comment with an eye roll. 

“See you fucks tomorrow.”

“This look good, chef?” Marcus asks you, motioning for you to come over and take a look at the mixer. 

You reach down into the mixer, checking the dough for texture. 

“Yeah, looks good. Go ahead and grab a few sheet pans so we can shape these and we’ll cover ‘em so they can proof overnight,” you order, Marcus nodding in response. 

“Thank you, chef.” 

As Marcus disappears, in search of a few sheet pans, Carmy’s wiping down one of the prep stations. 

“Hey, you,” you say, a smile on your face as soon as you see him. 

After your talk this afternoon, things feel lighter. He feels lighter. 

“Hey,” he says, finishing up with his cleaning duty before making his way over to you. Carmy checks to see that Marcus hasn’t come back yet, and you notice.

“Great dinner service, huh?” you congratulate. 

“We’re gettin’ there,” he replies. “Smoothest it’s been so far. Since the reopen.”

Ah yes. The reopen. You’re still waiting to hear that story. 

“I was thinkin’, maybe we could do that catch up thing? Over a drink?” Carmy proposes, changing the subject, and you think to yourself that it’s the most confident you’ve ever seen him. 

“I-,” you start, as Marcus makes his way back towards the pastry area. “We’ve got one more late night prep tonight. Maybe tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he smiles, spotting Marcus as well. “Tomorrow’s good.” 

“Goodnight, Carmy.”

“Goodnight.”

read: part three

[scienceandstorytelling]

I can’t stop thinking about Will Branner’s performance as Max Jägerman and how it leads to my favorite usage of the Nightmare Time leitmotif in all the Hatchetfield musicals (and why I voted for NPMD as having my favorite title number in the poll I made a while back).

Max is a well-written character who already gives me hints of a tragic villain vibe, and then Will’s performance just fleshes that out tenfold. It features the duality Starkid has been playing a lot with in this series, where you’re sympathetic towards a character while also acknowledging the terrible things they do. Max is horrible and abusive towards his classmates and has given them years of trauma. But a teenage boy does not become a Literal Monster in a vacuum.

Alongside his role as a bully, the script gives us images of Max as someone who is struggling academically and would have probably fallen through the cracks if adults didn’t idolize him for his football prowess so they can live vicariously through him as he beats the rival town in the big game. We find out that he has a shitty dad who verbally abuses him for not being macho enough. That he probably doesn’t have all the sex people say he does. That the people he bullies hate-pranking him in revenge is “the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for [him].” And then Will’s acting keeps showing us glimpses of this goofier side of Max, glimpses of the person he might have been if he wasn’t such a bully.

And for those few moments in the aftermath of the prank, you think maybe he’s going to change now that someone has shown him what he perceives to be kindness. And then he falls through the floor and that opportunity is lost. But unlike what Mayor Lauter implies, I would argue that his fate isn’t fully sealed when he dies in the Waylon House. I think the moment of no return is when he kills Richie while the leitmotif plays.

Lots of people ship Max and Richie and have headcanons that they used to be friends, and I think it’s because of the parallels between them in this song. Here we have two 18 year old boys who have both been failed by the adults around them. Both are harmed by being stereotyped. Both are in the liminal social role of being in the process of stepping out of childhood and into living their adult lives after high school. And both of them are denied those adult lives. And then they fucking sing about it. The “will you pray for me” duet is such a powerful part of the song for many reasons, and I think it’s the moment that shows us that Max is still in the process of committing to being nothing more than a vengeful spirit, or at the very least is in the last stage of that process. The thing that strikes me the most is that Max is simultaneously trying to make Richie feel insignificant and alone while also projecting his own feelings onto him. “Is this the eternal dark without a dawn?” he asks, reaching up to the sky and not looking at Richie at all.

And what fucks me up is that Max fails in this moment. Richie is not alone. He never was, and now he’s even less alone. Not only will Pete and Ruth mourn him, so will Max’s former friends. Its so notable to me that this takes place immediately after Go Go Nighthawks, where we’ve just seen everyone, including, again, Max’s “friends,” sing about how great it is that he’s gone. It’s a real Ebeneezer Scrooge moment that makes me wonder if Max has been silently haunting the school these weeks since his death and it’s only now, having watched that, that he tips over into full villain mode. Max is the one with no one to pray for him, not Richie. And Richie basically says as much, and Max kills him anyway. Richie was doomed from the start in the sense that the show literally opens with a flashforward to his death, but I think Max is doomed too. “Don’t need no one to tell me high school will be my peak,” he says in his own introductory song. I said before how they’re both on the cusp of living their whole adult lives, but I wonder if Max had trouble seeing himself that way. He already didn’t think he would amount to anything after high school. A lot of these “peaked in high school” football star characters spend their adult lives being metaphorically stuck in high school, in their teenage years, because they can’t let themselves move on from their glory days. And here Max is, literally stuck in his teenage years forever as a ghost - but not literally stuck in high school, as we see when he follows them all to the Witchwood. When he makes he grand ghostly return he says to Richie, “I’m free!” (Free from what, Max?) He certainly has the freedom of a ghost to go anywhere and do anything. And yet he traps himself in high school. He prevents himself from moving forward. And all of that is why it makes me emotional every time when he casts aside any last chance of not being the villain and strikes the first blow on Richie, these two teenagers failed by the adults and the structures around them, their fates locked together, while the leitmotif plays and takes us back to that original line from Alice’s corpse singing to Bill about how he should have been a better father: Look what happens, nightmare time.

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: Izzy Hands, "Burying Your Cripples," and That Fucking Finale

(Note: this is a cleaned-up/expanded version of a post I made earlier regarding disability rep in this show bc I was chatting with @itswhatyougive and @notthewriteryourelookingfor about "Burying Your Gays" and the parallels with the "Burying Your Cripples" trope in media, which is often more insidious because people are less primed to notice it and call it out.

Also, although I am analyzing a trope in media in the most unbiased way I can, I am going to get angry. Because this is a show that did its job at making us care about its characters and their portrayals and you can't get mad at me that I did just that.)

On a fourth note when it comes to the problems with the writing in this season of ofmd...the handling of disability. Because good God.

To preface this before anyone jumps down my throat about getting upset: I am disabled myself, both physically and mentally. I carry a small laundry list of mild to moderate conditions that impair my daily functions. I understand what it is like to desire to see characters that carry disabilities similar and dissimilar to my own onscreen. I also understand that there ARE multiple disabled characters in OFMD (ex. Jackie with her wooden hand, Ed with his knee brace, Pete with his cleft palate, Lucius with his mentioned bad back/wooden finger). I UNDERSTAND that these were all generally handled decently well, incorporated without drawing attention to them (although the disappearance of Ed's knee brace was strange to me in season 2, even that I could get with bc personally I only need to use my cane when my knee flares bad and can walk perfectly normally the rest of the time without an aid).

Which is all to say: the way that Izzy's death was written is insidiously (likely unconsciously, but still) ableist. His entire arc this season revolves around community and recovering from trauma and accepting himself both in a queer sense and a DISTINCTLY DISABLED sense. The way he remarks upon his own disability and his acceptance of himself and the way that the show is written to have his crew member ACCOMODATE him joyfully as an EXPLICIT SYMBOL OF LOVE was a breath of fresh air when it comes to disabled characters. I also enjoyed the way that he pokes fun at it occasionally in the same way that I do with my coworkers/friends (joking "oh really, you're going to ask an invalid to do that?" *gestures at my cane*).

But that ending. God, that fucking ending. *vehemently taps table* The fact that this character who opens up, who is accepted for both sides of his identity after dragging himself through the fucking pits over them, is killed. BECAUSE HIS MOBILITY AID COULD BE SEEN BY THE ENEMY. BECAUSE HE WAS SEEN AS UNIQUELY VULNERABLE. And then they FUCKING PULL HIS MOBILITY AID, the very symbol of his acceptance, from his FUCKING BODY SO HE CANNOT BE BURIED WHOLE?

I'm sorry. I really am. I don't mean to get furious about this. But as a disabled person who saw such hope in this character, who saw a storyline about a part of myself that is rarely displayed onscreen (that slow acceptance of the part of yourself you considered broken + the acknowledgement of love by your family/community in the form of loving accommodation without complaint), this hurt me at a very primal level that I didn't know I could be hurt at.

Bringing this back around to the "Burying Your Cripples" trope: the reason why an ending like this is so horrifying is because it is very much telling you that you can have a healing arc, that you can finally find yourself accommodation and acceptance, and it doesn't matter. Your disability will be the thing that kills you.

To people who say that this ending is justified because sometimes death is just random like that, that saying that death makes healing not worth it, I get what you're saying. In real life, of course you're right.

But this is a CLOSED NARRATIVE. It is a story with BEATS that MATTER, made of decisions by writers who had to purposefully decide to put scenes together. There's a reason they're called "arcs"- they're supposed to aim at a specific point. IF YOU LET EVERY CHARACTER IN A SHOW LIVE THROUGH THINGS THAT SHOULD HAVE KILLED THEM EXCEPT FOR THE DISABLED CHARACTER, YOU ARE MAKING A FUCKING POINT WHETHER YOU REALIZE IT OR NOT. Izzy's death is not showing "random chance" or "the risks of piracy"- HE DIED BECAUSE HIS MOBILITY AID WAS VISIBLE.

Lemme repeat that: costume concepts showed that the original design of Izzy's naval outfit covered his wooden hoof. It was a conscious decision to have the shot of the naval officer looking down at Izzy's leg, at his exposed leg, and pinpointing him as the weak one despite there being entire scenes dedicated to showing that he was still as strong as the rest of them. In a show where the budget and runtime was restricted, not a single shot or costume decision was on accident. They had to pay more to green screen in that leg.

If Castiel went to superhell because of his gay confession for Dean, then I cannot think of a clearer way to Bury Your Cripples than having Izzy die because someone saw his mobility aid.

Do I think they did this on purpose? Well, no more on purpose than David Jenkins looking at Izzy's Hayes-Code-era gay coding/arc and saying that he knew that Izzy would have to die because that's what characters like that do. No more on purpose than saying that the mentor character had to die because that's what characters like that do.

Izzy's disability was visible, was the cause of his death, because "that's what happens" to pirates who gain disabilities. They are weaker. They are more at risk.

I'm sorry, but fuck that.

Fuck the idea that in a show that created a careful space in its narrative (for a season and a half at least) for queerness to be treated ahistorically kindly, that often disregarded geographic, historical, and medical accuracy to tell a compelling story, and that purposefully provided racial and body diversity while calling out racism, that the disabled character getting offed is a "kind ending." It's not. It never has been. And I'm tired of accepting that sort of thing.

I am SO GLAD that fanfic exists with better depictions of disabled arcs/endings in OFMD bc I don't know if I could recover otherwise. Hope my fellow disabled folk out there are recovering as well, and that they understand that there is positivity to be made out of poison- it just wasn't what the finale gave us.

[adainesfroggieboggy]

siobhan thompson appreciation post because her characters just make me so happy and they're so. good. she's so good at characters! spoilers for every intrepid heroes season of d20. i could do a whole other post about her sidequest characters bc they're so good.

Adaine Abernant. The Elven Oracle. She's always been one of my absolute favorite characters ever. Her anxiety representation in the first season makes me feel more seen, understood, and represented than any other character ever. She's literally so cool! She starts freshman year as an awkward nerd and becomes a cool nerd! Her anxiety never goes away, but the medication makes it manageable. She hates her parents because they're awful! Just the rep of having awful parents and hating them and that's okay because they suck! You should hate your parents if they suck as bad as the Abernants! Not everyone gets a redemption arc. If they suck, they suck.

Misty/Rowan. Misty is the perfect representation of an old lady who gives no fucks. She flirts so hard with that guy at the pixie wedding. She openly admits to having been friends with John Wilkes Booth. But at the same time? Will not give her age. A lady never tells. She's absolutely ancient and doesn't fucking care, but she also has this undertone of absolute existential panic because she needs adoration to survive! She stays relevant because she has to! Don't get me started on Rowan. I have a crush on Rowan Berry. She's reborn and immediately starts flirting with Pete, which is iconic in its own right. She's a bard who gives bardic inspiration by either flirting or complimenting, and sometimes the lines blur just a little bit. Absolute queen shit. She defeats the queen of Faerie and has no desire to go back until the Fae court tells her hey. You left us with no leader. And then brings democracy to Faerie! President Rowan!

Ruby Rocks! She starts the season as a kid who loves her sister just so much. That's the most integral part of her character. She's a princess and a rogue, and she loves her sister. She has a lot of development over the season! She ends as a woman who fights for her family and her country. She hates Saccharina when they first meet, a new sister on the tails of the loss of the most important person she's ever had. After Jet's death, she's overcome with grief and takes a level of shadow sorcerer because of it! Her development is amazing, a truly wonderful arc.

Iga Lizowski! Oh. My. God. She's the first pc that is a mom in d20, or at least in the Intrepid Heroes. Her relationship with her kids is so fun to watch, from urging Jessica to engage with the chest to bringing her into another part of the Unsleeping City. Then Nick, who she hadn't pressed at all to take responsibility for the chest, decides to become another defender of his family's magic! Not only is she an amazing mother, she's a fortune teller by trade! She knows full well that everything she does has merit, and that magic is real, but makes it all seem like a lie to cater to her clientele. It's not her intention to become a part of the Dream Team, but when her family is threatened, she fights like hell. Also she has a pseudodragon that's just a magical chihuahua and that's so old ladycore it's such a perfect choice.

Riva. They're just on their gallivant, honestly. They decorate their psychodrone with magnets. They're trying to sell pleasure putty. They make their own hours, but they don't know how. Riva is sweet and fun and naive. They love their friends and they love the outside world and they're having a great ass time on their gallivant.

Rosamund. Du. Prix. Quick little shoutout to Siobhan's princess voice because no joke she did my favorite accent. It borders on transatlantic (my favorite accent) but is very Disney princess. She starts as a Disney princess, too! To have a character looking for her true love wake up, search for him, and ultimately sacrifice her chance at having him is *mwah* beautiful. True love isn't real! She directly confronts this, and a member of her party is living proof of it. She has to see the prince who came to save her, and upon meeting him, she realizes how fucked the idea is. He kisses her once and that's all? She doesn't know him, she doesn't love him. How can she live happily ever after with him? Her story is about having things happen to her, but she wrenches the pen from the authors' hands and writes her fucking own! Once upon a time, there was a princess who tried speed dating!

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Hi, can I ask, who are your top 5 (or top 3) seme & uke from your favorite BL media (can be manga/manhwa/danmei/tv series/movies)? Why love them?

Hello! Thank you for the ask, I have been horrendously busy with very good things, so I did not ignore your ask, just have not had time or brain space to answer until now. I’ll be honest with you, I came in to this fandom from BL series with little to no background in yaoi before that, so I am not the most familiar with uke and seme as a concept. But, looking it up gave me the following definitions: 

Uke (受け): The term Uke, in Japanese, literally means "receiver" or "one who receives". In the Yaoi context, Uke is the more passive, submissive, and generally younger or physically smaller character in the relationship.

Seme (攻め): The term Seme, in Japanese, literally means "attacker" or "one who attacks". In the Yaoi context, the Seme is the more dominant, assertive, and usually older or physically larger character in the relationship.

So with those definitions in mind, my five favorite seme and ukes are: 

Masumi and Ritsu- The End of the World with You

Any one who has not watched this show should stop reading this post and go watch End of the World With You instead. Masumi and Ritsu had such an interesting dynamic and it was really fun to watch the changing in their relationship between college and the apocalypse. 

It felt to me like Masumi was rather stuck on his personality from college, a quiet and reserved person, who could not quite let go of the pain of being betrayed by Ritsu, even though he entered in to a relationship he was warned was not going to be romantic. It was cool to see how Ritsu mellowed out/matured more as an adult, and how that seme style personality was employed within the show in ways that allowed Masumi to forgo filial obligations and allow himself to stay with Ritsu and Yuma on their road trip. 

Vegas and Pete- KinnPorsche 

Okay, let’s get the more obvious ones out of the way first, before I get to talk about the really juicy ones. But, I fucking love VegasPete. I love them so much, I’d say that it’s just because of my First BL Drama goggles, but I’ve seen this show 15 times now, and just recently rewatched it, with over 120 BLs under my belt, and they still hold strong for me. I just- 

For me, they are so well written. Both the characters as individuals, Pete does tend to serve as a comic relief at the beginning, but even with relatively minimal screen time, they are really able to give him enough depth by the end that the character feels real, feels like he has a life and a history that exist outside of the confines of the story, and that his life history does impact how he operates in the world. I love the way that the narrative really is able to turn Vegas around in to a more wet and pathetic person by the end, so much so that I had a front row seat to watching my friends slowly learn to love him as they watched this show for the first time. 

I’d put Vegas as Pete’s kidnapper, torturer, and captor as the seme in their relationship and Pete as the kidnapped, prisoner, pet, and free therapist as the uke there. Something that I was interested in seeing with The Sign was a BL that was going to cover hypermasculinity, and while I don’t think KinnPorsche is something I would consider hypermasculine, I do think that Vegas and Pete have a very interesting relationship because they both are pretty masc, and therefore they can fight each other, and Pete can give Vegas a run for his fucking money in a fight, while still being able to maintain what I would consider a seme and uke dynamic. 

But ultimately my favorite thing about them is the emotional complexity to their relationship, not whether or not they fit the seme & uke definitions. That scene in Episode 13 when Pete and Vegas fight, and Pete knocks Vegas out and escapes remains one of my favorites in KinnPorsche and sits pretty firmly in my huge assortment of favorite scenes in BL because it was really fun watching those characters navigate the emotional minefield that was captivity, love, hatred, freedom, dehumanization, desperation, violence, and pain. Good shit, at least in my opinion. 

Hira and Kiyo- Utsukushii Kare 

A trend with some of my favorite seme/uke characters is that they tend to subvert expectations when looked at from just a historically “top” or “bottom” perspective as it relates to seme and uke terminology in yaoi. 

Hira and Kiyoi are one of my favorite seme and uke pairs because Hira and Kiyoi subvert the expectation about who the seme and uke are. My impression of Utsukushii Kare is that Kiyoi is the uke and Hira is the seme, despite the fact that Hira is physically smaller and submissive to Kiyoi. And while I am not well versed in seme/uke tropes in yaoi, @bengiyo is very knowledgeable in the positionality of semes and ukes in Japanese yaoi, and spoke about the positionality of Hira and Kiyoi in Utsukushii Kare in one of the The Conversation Pod episodes where he talked about Hira and Kiyoi constantly being in a battle about placing themselves lower in relation to one another, and who was on the left versus who was on the right. I really love how so much of their own internal relationship fights are really structured around the fact that Kiyoi wants Hira to be on the attack, (and we see that Hira is literally capable of being on the attack when it comes to defending Kiyoi) but in order for that to happen, Hira need to cut the hero worship bullshit and look at Kiyoi like a human being. 

Without a solid understanding of the seme/uke tropes, the positionality, the hair color, etc. I think it is relatively easy to miss that thread in their arguments, I definitely did. Which is fine, because Utsukushii Kare is strongly written and therefore their fights are layered with additional meaning on top so everyone has something to pull from their relationship struggles. But once My Beautiful Man: Eternal came out, we finally got an explicit statement from Kiyoi where he asked Hira if he ever fantasized about being manhandled. Which to me is the most obvious call-out to that aspect of their relationship that we had in the show.  

Also, from just a character perspective, Hira is a little freak and I love him and his ducks, and Kiyoi is just a sweetheart who deserves all of the love in the world. 

Ji Hyun and Jae Won- The Eighth Sense

That country mouse sure knows what he wants and is willing to die to get that dick so like, there is no way I can’t put Ji Hyun on the list. Massive respect to that little twink, dude joined the surf club when he didn’t know how to swim, drowned, and nearly died so he could bag Jae Won and he did. Similarly to Hira and Kiyoi, I don’t think going in to this show you would quite expect Ji Hyun to be the pursuer in the relationship, but he very quickly lets us all know what is up. And it works so well here because Jae Won as a character spend so much of his time unmoored. He’s passive, he’s quiet, he’s dissociative for, like, 90% of the show, and it is so wonderful to see the ways that Ji Hyun’s repeated advances, both his more subtle attempts and his more blatant are one of few things that are able to get a genuine and happy reaction out of Jae Won. 

I love the moments they shared together in Episode 6; as much as it hurts, I love the way Ji Hyun’s accident so strongly impact Jae Won just to show you how much of a positive impact Ji Hyun’s pursuit has had on his life, I love the places where Ji Hyun’s accident results in Jae Won starting to have a more active (and aggressive) control over his own life; and I love the way that Ji Hyun does not stop trying to give Jae Won as much love as he can send his way. The way Ji Hyun knows to expect Jae Won the second that he sees that Read message appear under the texts he’d sent Jae Won, the way the show is filled with light whenever they are together, the way that Jae Won is more relaxed, and smiles and laughs more easily as a result of receiving all of this love and care from Ji Hyun. 

Their relationship is excellent, Ji Hyun’s horny little ass is excellent, The Eighth Sense is excellent. I love them.  

Wang and Inthawut- 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us

 

Ok, I don’t know if this is a controversial choice or not, because I would not consider 180 Degree a BL at all. Nor would I ultimately consider Wang and Inthawut’s relationship to be romantic at least by the end of this show. But I do think that a) they fit the seme and uke definitions above super legibly and b) they once again subvert the expectation of which character falls under each role. There has never been a more passive motherfucker in all of the world as Inthawut. Wang is one of the most aggressive pursuers I have ever seen in media, he is assertive, he knows exactly what he wants, he will give it all to Inthawut if it means he gets some goddamn answers from the adults in his life that are too fucking scared to answer any of his questions if it means facing their pasts. 

Was this just an excuse to talk about 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us because it is one of my favorite shows of all time and put me through the emotional wringer? Maybe. But I do think the point still stands that Wang is there trying to give his all to Inthawut, and Inthawut is there desperately fighting with every fiber of his being not to receive anything from Wang. 

[chaos0pikachu]

Ray's Alcoholism vs Revenge Porn of Boston

tldr: the show's got a tone problem like whoa, some plots are treated as Serious while others are treated as Devices when they share the same level of fucked up

I wanted to write about this a bit b/c it goes to the root of one of the main issues I have with the show: tonal dissonance

I've seen people talk about tone in shows before, some folks felt like Kinnporsche had a tone issue b/c of the comedy but I always disagreed with that. The comedy added levity, it also enabled the stakes to slowly build. The front half of the show is more comedic than the middle and back half when the tensions are highest. The tone doesn't yo-yo rapidly, it doesn't treat some things as serious and others as not. When Porsche is drugged and sleeps with Kinn it's treated as something serious, represented symbolically by the bruises Porsche is covered in after his punishment, and later Kinn apologizes and asks for forgiveness which is the turning point of their relationship.

This matches up with Pete and Vegas later, even down to the parallels of Pete's bruised body to Porsche's earlier in the series. Later, Vegas, similarly to Kinn, has to ask for Pete's forgiveness; though in a more violent way because that's built into Vegas and Pete's relationship and what sets them apart from Kinn and Porsche (this is a good thing for the narrative imo). Even so, both aspects are treated with the same weight, and seriousness within the narrative. There is no tone issue.

This is where Only Friends falters, only certain plots are treated with a level of seriousness while others aren't.

The biggest example of this is Ray's alcoholism vs the revenge porn of Boston.

Ray's alcholism is treated with weight, with a level of seriousness and respect. The narrative repeatedly makes it clear to the audience Ray's drinking is A Bad Thing, that it's Dangerous to both himself and others. Other characters comment on this, there's an implied history of Ray's friends trying to get him to stop drinking, a huge part of Ray and Sand's relationship is centered around Ray's drinking and how it negatively effects them. Ray goes to rehab, he goes to therapy, there narrative paints a pathway for betterment.

Before anyone jumps me, I'm not saying any of this is a bad thing. The tonal dissonance comes in when compared to other plots that should be treated with the same level of seriousness but isn't.

Gap records Boston during sex without his permission, Mew acknowledges this in text that this is what happened and Gap violated Boston's consent. However, when Boston discusses this he only has a moment where he gets mad, and the person he talks about it with, Nick, brushes it off (once to hide his own deception but put a pin in that) and even teases Boston that he deserves it for sleeping around.

Later, Mew uses this revenge porn as blackmail against Boston specifically as punishment. Mew knows this video was taken without Boston's consent, he says so in the text, and he still uses it and keeps a copy of the video on his phone. We never see a follow-up to this. We see Boston in that singular scene look upset, but that's it. When Cheum and Top are concerned about Mew's reckless behavior the blackmail with revenge porn is never something that is revealed to them, or others, Boston never tells anyone else about it.

It's just dropped. Completely.

The line Mew has about Boston's consent is lip service, because he uses that violation to punish Boston. Combine this with the way Nick's recording of Boston and Top (without either of their consent) is also treated. It's passed around, like candy. Sand apologies to Nick for sharing it with Ray. Top never reacts to this recording as something violating he's just upset they got caught. Boston is the only one upset, and he's upset with Nick, but the narrative frames Nick as the real victim in the following episodes - with Dan saying Nick might have been mistreated after sex previously (as the audience we know this is about Boston), with Boston saying he did awful things to Nick (which were?), with Sand offering empathy to Nick b/c Boston's actually a bad guy.

So when I talk about tonal dissonance in the show, this is what I mean. We have two plots - and there's more this is just the most glaring example - that should hold the same narrative weight: one is centered on addiction the other a literal sex crime, bit only the former is treated with any level of seriousness.

Ray's alcoholism is given empathy by the narrative, Boston's virtual assault is given none.

and this is why I say the narrative is puritanical at times lol

[darklinaforever]

Things that annoy me and that I sometimes come across while reading Tentoorose fanfictions :

- Saying that Tentoo's parents are Ten and Donna. (No. The closest Tentoo can get to Donna in terms of DNA is a brother, completing the brother-sister relationship he had with her when he was still Ten. And Ten can't be Tentoo's father, simply because he's the same person, coming from the same source of regenerative energy making the Doctor who he is)

- Rose who, as soon as an old complicated memory from the time of their travels in the Tardis is mentioned, tells Tentoo that he has nothing to reproach himself for, because it wasn't really him... (So no. Tentoo is the same person as Ten having experienced the same things. He is not a clone or a copy with the memories. Same person, once again, because he comes from the source of regeneration)

- Whether the terms clones or copies are used to designate Tentoo in the narration or on the part of Rose. (So ​​once again : bullshit ! Do you really think that Rose, who spent years trying to find the doctor, would be satisfied with less than the doctor himself ?! That she would have just taken a "copy" or a "clone", when she was ready to give up everything for him ? I often see people acting as if Rose was an unintelligent companion, when in reality she is extremely intelligent. She, at least, understood the principle of basic regeneration. It's so out of character to have her say that in fanfiction...)

- That Tentoo himself doubts being the doctor, or says that he is not really him. (The gif speaks for itself)

- To say that Rose couldn't make a real choice and that Ten and Tentoo just chose for her. (So... yes, Ten tried to put her in this situation, and Tentoo clearly wanted to stay with Rose and knew what Ten was doing because even no one. Except that in the end, by kissing Tentoo Rose had made her choice. She fucking chose it ! Also... Did you see the way she looks at him and sticks him in the Tardis ? It is very clear that Rose chose of her own free will)

- That Rose is incapable of truly accepting Tentoo. (Again... bullshit. We're talking about the girl who considers Pete from the alternate world to be her father, even though he's not her real father. Why would she be incapable of accepting a human regeneration of the doctor ? Especially since it contradicts the ending, where she clearly understood what Tentoo was, the same way she understood that Ten was the same person as Nine, and then chose him accordingly)

[thunder-birb-00]

Keepin’ it brief about Hatchetfield headcanons

(specifically more for some private AU that is work in progress, but also can be applied to canon for some… probably just infodump on how I see these two blorbos at the moment. If I find energy I may write more headcanons up here of others)

Paul’s eyes are a dull blue whereby think about grey rainy days going to the office, or a very misty winter morning in grey London, and thusly his colour palette will be muted to contrast that of Pokey’s vibrant blue. For this, his suit and tie is ordinary, never-go-wrong black. He certainly has social anxiety, using his “ok” to try and ground himself back. To people he’s fine with, he will make the effort to give them eye contact. To people that he finds annoying, like Ted, he doesn’t make that effort to give them eye contact just to try and save his socialising battery. He’s a nice guy, he would look out for his community, whichever he chooses, and will try to help out when he wants to. However, he will be firm on his boundaries. Don’t invite him to a musical, he will always reject. Don’t try forcing him to go to company functions, he’d rather rest at home and have a great breather from living life. He is living in a rental apartment and his car is also rented. He has a whole lil wardrobe of only a few black suits and maybe a few black ties. He follows a very strict schedule that he sticks to, maybe even repeating what he eats and drinks for weeks on end and rarely, ever, change this schedule at all.

2. Ted’s love language is physical. Very physical. He seems to yearn contact: he’ll hug Pete whenever he sees him, he’d want to tap his (perceived) friend’s shoulder and give it a squeeze, his plan on loving Charlotte involves fucking. Using Nightmare Time to study his character further, Ted’s nickname by Jenny as Teddy may be because of the fact that he is an absolute cuddlebug with the right person. “I’m not a Teddy Bear, I’m a lion.” may be him attempting to affirm himself that he is not a “soft” man that is only a cuddly Teddy bear, which… he is. After that whole experience with (his 2004 knowledge) knowing that Jenny left Hatchetfield with Andrew Kilgore to Clivesdale, Ted probably broke so bad he adopted Kilgore’s entire behaviour and became the Ted we know today. His eyes are a brown that seems to ever so slightly, shimmer like gold in the right light. Hardly anyone has seen Ted’s real smile in a while, not that anyone else would know besides maybe Charlotte. Still Ted keeps up the act, hoping to put behind his old self that he finds himself hating, for being so… “soft” and vulnerable. But his old self still resurfaces whenever he feels like he is receiving love from what he deems as “the right person”… usually someone that leads him.

-Thunder

[nighthaterfrfr]

ama yay! any lautity headcanons u have? (i love collecting peoples headcanons for my favorite characters and ships lol)

-personally, i love thinking that since grace has freckles, steph always likes to try and kiss every single one of them. grace, being grace is just very flustered and confused the whole time. it's gonna lead to sin according to her, but she cant move and she loves it

-they visit each others houses frequently. grace's excuse is that she's got a guest for a bible study, and steph doesnt have an excuse. who needs one if ur dad doesnt give a shit abt u?

-steph regularly uses glasses, due to poor eye sight from blue light exposure (her phone, like a fuckign lot) because of this, grace will sometimes tell steph to get off the phone instead and simply look at her. because looking at a pretty girl never hurt anyone.

(well, except if ur max jagerman)

-grace had been progessively calming down about her christianity thanks to steph, but mostly because its taken a toll on her, too. however, her hardcore beliefs about going to hell, just the guilt one feels from being gay, it still remains deeply rooted. steph tries to comfort her the best she can, but sometimes it just doesn't work,

those are the days steph worries most

-steph being in a class with both pete and grace makes me think she is really intelligent than most people seem. in the fic i made, i picture her in like a hella lot of ap classes, but somehow barely passing

she still does rlly good w the ap exam though somehow

-before they started high school, steph once found her instagram. she scrolled through grace's instagram and was just like "oh my god she's rlly fucking pretty hello?" steph, having no idea about her was crushing hard on some silly girl on her phone. but when they met???

shit she's cute, but she's just... she hates me.

now diverging from some silly things, that would connect well w the hatchetverse

-at one point, steph does in fact find out grace has the black book. she's upset, but grace has no regret. she's up for the hunt. she's up for the hunt and her next target is supposed to be her and pete. but, she can't find yourself to do it. wiggly especially is pissed, but he finds something out.

she has a weakness. perfect to know if she ever betrays them.

-after everything, grace was a shaking crumbling mess. god isnt real, a bunch of asshole beings are, she just turned back on what she treasured most, and most importantly, she got her virginity taken by some ghost max jagerman. steph watched, and pete comforted grace to the best of his ability.

she doesnt know why she's standing by when she knows that she wants to comfort her the most.

-again. THERES SO MUCH REPRESSED SHIT IN GRACE, AND HONESTLY STEPH TOO LWK. go wlw

thats it for now tbh but i may have more later lol

[sky-fire-forever]

So. A lot of people think those of us who dislike Izzy's death just hate character deaths or tragedy or whatever. I am here to say that that is ABSOLUTELY not the case. Not for me

I fucking love tragedy. I am a known tragedy enjoyer. I love it when my favorite characters die and I get to be sad about it. I have loved tragedy since I was a child. A Series of Unfortunate Events was one of my all time favorite book series. I love it when important characters die and the story makes you sad about it!

I am going to use a comparison here that I haven't seen anyone else use

So, for a long time, my favorite television show ever was BBC's Merlin. It's a silly comedy with dramatic elements, but it is first and foremost a comedy. Just like Our Flag Means Death. It's ridiculously goofy and silly and 99% of the time, the characters are just joking around and things that would kill people in real life are brushed off as jokes. It's fun!

And spoiler alert for a show that ended like a decade ago:

Characters die in Merlin! Despite it being a comedy at its core, really important characters die. Characters we like die and so do villains, be them sympathetic or otherwise. A lot of characters we grow to know and love die and they die tragically.

But I fucking LOVE Merlin and it's still one of my favorite shows ever. Because whenever a character dies in Merlin, their death is FELT. They get deaths worthy of their characters. You feel the loss and the show takes time to stop being a comedy for a moment to let the audience and the characters mourn.

We see Merlin cry over Lancelot, burdened by the grief of knowing he sacrificed himself for him. We see Gwen grieve the deaths of both her father and her brother. We even get to watch people grieve over Uther, a villain who has gotten in the way of so much, because the narrative acknowledges he was a person who people loved despite his cruel actions.

All of this in a show where the main characters call each other "clotpole" and where Arthur doesn't notice levitating keys right above his head! It's a comedy! A silly, silly show. But death still MATTERS when it happens and I actually adore the character deaths in this show! Even when it's my favorite characters!

Izzy doesn't get the respect the characters in Merlin did when he dies. It's glossed over, rushed through. Even at his funeral, no one seems genuinely sad. There is no time to slow down and watch anyone actually process his death because we have to hurry on to Pete and Lucius getting married.

I do think the show being cut is to blame for this. With more time, we might have had more room to breathe, to grieve. We could have time to process and to let the characters process

But we don't get that and it's a shame! It's a shame that Izzy's death feels so pointless and undeserving and meaningless! It's a shame we get no time to process his death! It's a shame the characters barely react to his death outside of the scene in which he dies! It's genuinely such a shame that Izzy's death leaves me feeling hollow instead of sad. If I felt sad, I'd like Izzy's death a lot more. But I'm not sad. I'm just so disappointed that that's how it played out

I wish I could feel sad over Izzy's death because I genuinely enjoy feeling sad over characters. But I'm not.

[opuestocomplementario]

This is more of a personal rant so I am going to talk about a lot of different things.

I didn't realize how involve I would get with this drama so jokes aside, I am very much uncomfortable with the scene between Way and Babe; like, I wish they change something about it or idk use other rute because I really liked Way as a character and I thought it was cool and all but now, Idk. I don't like getting attached to characters and being emphatic of them and then having to see them do things like this that make my blood boil and not having anything to say because is not good. Definitely not good.

In terms of acting, I am so in awe with Pavel and Nut. Everyone in this drama knows how to fucking act and it shows. Even Pooh being a newbabie makes Charlie feel alive and real. I think the reason this drama is hitting so hard (at least to me) is because the script and the acting is amazing. The characters feel real. Is not a caricature or stereotype taking human form. While they can be categorize as such (Babe being the egocentric racer, Charlie the naive fan, Alan the old-not-old father figure), they don't make those things their whole character. They are complex and multifacetic. Without feeling fake.

Another thing is how serious they take the elements of the show. They could so easily, and I mean EASILY fall into our tipical over the top Thai drama where everything feels performative. The car race aspect is showing the whole business aspect and the mechanics of the cars. Ofc they are showing off and marketing the Toyotas but is not as obvious as we are used to.

The house of Tony also looks curate enough to think they are doing shady business. Like ofc the kids sometimes look stiff and out of place but that perfectly falls into the idea that they are in fact not supposed to be there.

And don't even get me started in the a/b/o dynamics. Someone already said how for example the mama/papa thing could have being very awkward and weird to watch (and even perform by the actors) but they deliver something that felt so normal. Babe always mentioning how the Alpha scents smells and Charlie asking for kids two seconds into the relationship. Is amazing how they did it. Even when I am reading fics I cringe sometimes at the dialogue with all the terminologies and the mechanics of it, while here I am like yep that seems about right.

Last thing I want to mentioned is not only the main characters shine throught the screen but all the secondary too. North and Sonic are so fun to watch and they fit so right in the whole picture, by being serious when it needs to and fun and crazy at the right moments; Pete and Kenta fit the whole secret organization/hidden agenda/business men; Winner is a perfect loser without making himself look ridiculous; Kim, Alan and Jeff are so perfect I don't have anything to say.

Overall, I don't know what exactly is about this show that makes it look so real and natural by having a insane plot: the characters, the script, the camera work, idk. I just know it works.

[gooeyyeehaw]

ofmd s2 spoilers !!

so two things i wanted to talk about that basically everyone is talking about, now that ive properly processed everything and need to officially get out of my system

i really really really wish the season had better, slower pacing. so much would happen before anyone could process anything and it took a loooot of thinking to truly understand some shit. i really really hope there's a season 3 with the proper amount of episodes as intended.

izzy's death - it truly felt so rushed. to be honest, i didn't even see him get shot at first, my eyes were on something else at the time, i think, but that's my fault. nevertheless, it felt so rushed, and i'm not mad, nor do i disagree with his death, but i wish it was executed better than it was. it felt brushed over, rushed, and he was too great a character to receive a death like that. it had me saying "what the fuck??" because his death was over in about two minutes. i'm not mad about how and when it took place, because it's just like real life, you don't get to choose when you get to live or die, especially in their business.

i did warm up to him and felt sad that he could finally recognize and declare his understanding of family and what it meant to be a part of the crew and never got to experience the warmth and joy of life; however, i think its okay that he died. con is a fantastic actor and his performance was astounding every scene. i think he deserved a better sending off and lucius and pete's wedding could have waited til season three, cuz that felt brushed over too.

stede and ed's inn - i used to not love this idea, more for a personal reason, the desire to have adventure in life. to not settle down and have fun all the time, to not conform to the normality and monotony of life. i get the emphasis about the brutality and harsh reality of the violence and mentality that comes with piracy, but it felt bittersweet especially with izzy's speech about what it meant to be a pirate and zys' offer to team up. it sounded fun. fun to be at sea with your found family, (on top of stede's long term love for the sea) and they were leaving that behind and it would just be then.

i later realized that them living together wouldnt necessarily mean theyre completely abandoning their old lifestyles. theyre just taking a break from the rough and tough shit they had just gone through, and they need it to work out their relationship and find themselves. to have some time alone. they might rejoin the crew and have fun sailing and shit, who knows. but it doesn't have to be that end forever. plus i like all the fun/funny ideas the fandom has come up with for the inn.

and ive seen the theories that if buttons can turn into a seagull, he'll turn izzy into a seagull OR izzy will come back as a ghost and haunt their inn OR they'll bring him back to life with magic.

just saying, the fandom was wrong about lucius living within the secret passages of the ship, please let them be wrong about that one.

[myfaveisfuckable]

Pete:

starts off as the comic relief side character. gets kidnapped and tortured. laughs in the face of the man electrocuting his dick. ends up sleeping with him later (by choice. like he wants him), decides he's in love witht he single most crazy unhinged character in the show and reduces him to like crying in his noodles because Pete escaped the safe house torture/sex dungeon where he was kinda a prisoner. shoots his man in the arm (to keep from being killed by other people), beats the shit out of him (that one is for personal reasons), the man confesses his undying love and kisses him before running off, pete chases after him, has to point a gun at him again, the man runs off, pete quits his job and chases after him again, pete stops the man from killing himself and is like "I'm your pet, you're my owner, you have to feed me" (it's a callback from their days in the safehouse torture/sex dungeon), the man gets shot by someone else, and pete goes crazy kills the guy who shot him. so yeah he's totally just a silly comic relief character

KDJ:

1. Introduced as a bland everyman only made exceptional by circumstance, slowly revealed to be the most batshit, suicidally depressed, bisexual maniac in existence. Uses self-sacrifice like a tool and is completely unaware of how beloved he is by the people he keeps pulling into his fold because he is so deeply and utterly convinced that he is fundamentally unlovable. He's like sixty foundational traumas stacked in a trench coat and he's always sixty steps ahead of everyone else and he loves the people he chooses so so dearly and people keep calling him ugly even though he's canonically pretty average and holy shit dude get some therapy please

2. He looks like a neet-pulled office worker. Spoilers: turns out to be one of the oldest things in the world and the only being keeping it going and alive. He needs to be there to keep the world going. Also, he got like kind of adopted by Persephone and hades. Like his blorbo is real and in love with him. But this man looks so average that people call him ugly to his face just because he’s surrounded by absolute gorgeous people.

3. do NOT let the pretty official art fool u. this is the most average 28 year old salaryman going through the absolute most in the apocalypse. ORV is a story about the most average man on earth with the most mundane, depressing life. and one story that he read to cope with it all. he's just some guy, but he is also the most beloved specialest guy. not because he had some hidden talent. just because he loved a story ferociously and also he likes getting in trouble on purpose. he is the most unreliable narrator you will ever find. every piece of the universe loves him for his average stupid self. you will understand when you read 👍

4. GHBJNKML i am praying someone has sent him in but. unreliable narrator the most ever and also i just. love him so much. orv in itself is such a goo dnovel but like. kim dokja is the definition of love and the most caring person but also he's suffered so much and while. yknow we're introduced to him as a kind of nerd but like. listen he's so fucked up juts LISTEN

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

pit babe ep 9 stray thoughts

- charlie’s “you’re the person i’ve spent my whole life trying to stand beside” 🥺

- northsonic my beloved. love in the influencer era “if i leave you who will start the youtube channel” i love my clowns

- charlie looking at alanjeff like ok 😏 i see you is so funny to me

- oh what’s pete doing at the child trafficking ring?? he better be exposing them

- what is babes plan in these situations get into fights he can’t win with no backup when he’s supposed to be sneaking around like makes my guts rumble

- PETE IS THE ENIGMA WKEJRJDEIEKK?!?!,!?! SCREAM I FIFNT SEE THIS COMING

- babe why are you spilling everything while still in enemy territory like be serious right now this is why you’d make a terrible spy

- HUH IS IT OETE IR WAY WHAT WHAT AHHH BITH ITS BOTH WHAT

- babe you fucking fool why are standing in some evil hallway discussing this go back home

- THE LOOK OF BETRAYAL SCREAM

- oh it’s the mind control…

- oh this is why yall hate way…

- CHARLIE POPPING OUT OF NO WHERE TO START WHALING ON HIM DISKDKKDF sorry but i laughed a lil

- none of these bitches ever bring back up like why don’t you work together

- babe and ways actors work well off of eachother i must say

- scream this is devastating “if you still have humanity left” like damn…..

- way you done fucked up boo

- not the flashback montage you can’t keep doing this to me 😞

- oh babe…..

- “why do all the people i love betray me” im going to jump into the sea i cant do this

- how do they find out who an enigma is

- i need tony gone like ripped to shreds im so serious. fuck that man

- the music choice here it’s making me feel like something bad is about to happen…….. WHY ARE YOU SORRY CHERLIE

- oh babe

- if alan’s losing it the teams fucked. ok now he’s gettin naked

- wait is jeff back??? when did this happen???

- ok alanjeff…. are they gonna kiss. psjjsdjdj jeff “at least they’d just kidnap me” … “internships here pay well” ….

- my one complaint about jeff’s visions is i wish he had a that’s so raven animation moment beforehand

- cowardly tragedy enjoyers when the characters are trapped in a tragedy…. unless

- i straight forgot dean existed…idk if i trust him…..

- northsonic being scene stealers again i love my clowns

- deans awkward little thumbs up sjejjdjdj

- charlie’s so real if i ever go missing it’s because i too am in the bathroom getting over stimulated.

- charlie looking at babe like damn bitch you lived like this

- screaming over this charliebabe scene

- OH IS THIS THE FAMED MIRROR MOMENT COMING ABHHHHHH

- winner winning for the first time in his entire life: damn yall suck fr

- tbh for his like first race i think second place is pretty good but idk about all this

this episode was wild i thought THE THING was gonna happen here but i guess it’s next race… im already nervous