#phew. my poor heart though

[yeehawbvby]

Do you think there's a Pokemon character that's literally the personification of Jerma (I'm sorry this is a stupid question 😭 I had to get out of my system)

THIS IMAGE LEGITIMATELY JUMPSCARED ME OH MY GOD KJMREKNERKGNDKJNA

This is a huge stretch but hear me out: Giacomo, but if he was a streamer instead of a Music Guy(tm)??? Maybe???? I feel like the vibes are there, he's just gotta get a little silly goofy with it!!

[meowzfordayz]

hashira accidentally touch your chest

Author’s Note: pls and ty enjoy this tidbit of crack-fluff. 😆💖

hashira accidentally touch your chest

Hashira x Reader

Word Count: ~1,600

CW: explicit language, Fem!Reader, mild sexual content

Suggestion Fulfilled: Can we get all hashira accidently touch y/n's breast

~faqs~

Fyi, “chest” means boob. I was just worried Tumblr would block this post from tags if I included “boob” in the title lmao. 😉

Shocked 😳😖

“I apologize, [y/n]-san, it won’t happen again!”

Gyomei’s nearly in tears, he feels so terribly 😞

“These things happen!” you promptly assure him, “Besides, you technically won the bout.”

No need to mention that he always wins when training together 🥲

“I cannot accept such a tainted victory.”

“Himejima-san, though I appreciate your concern and respect, there’s truly no issue.”

Meanwhile, Gyomei’s rethinking his entire Breathing Style to ensure he never accidentally touches anyone’s boob(s) again 💀 

In cold disbelief 😐😐😐

If you don’t say anything, then he won’t say anything

Alternatively, if you do say something, then Obanai will immediately curl up into a ball and die

Spends the rest of his day recalling the fleeting warmth of your breast

He swears his hand doesn’t even get cold, so affected by the heat of your bosom

Your boob must be ✨magical✨

“Iguro-san,” you call out gently, noting his dazed stare, his dinner untouched while he sits crossed legged, “Is something on your mind?”

“No.” 😐😐😐

Well okay then 🙃

“About what happened earlier…”

🫨🫨🫨 <— Obanai is FREAKING OUT

“… Iguro-san, I didn’t mind.”

And then you stand up, take your dishes, and leave

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEEEAAAN?!?!?!

Good luck finding Obanai tomorrow 🫡 (the poor man’s been pleasantly overwhelmed)

He’ll avoid you for eternity now 😌 (not really, but at least until he can breathe around you again)

She giggles 🤭

Lol

“Oh my! [y/n]-san, I didn’t mean to touch you so intimately!” 😅

“No worries, it happens.”

Your face may or may not be burning up a storm, but that’s okay!

Mitsuri’s blushing too

A lot 😳

“I hope I didn’t hurt you?!”

Because like, What if I gripped too hard?! 😭

She’s well aware of her own strength

“You barely brushed me, Kanroji-san. I promise!”

Phew!

She grins, relief evident as she bumps her elbow against yours

“Don’t tell anyone, okay? I would be so embarrassed!!!”

“Kanroji-san, our secret is safe with me.”

I wish it would happen again… <— lowkey both of you thinking the same thing 🤪

As a medical personnel (among other roles), Shinobu accidentally (or even on purpose, depending on where you’re wounded) touching your boob isn’t entirely unreasonable nor unrealistic

Obviously it would be nicer if she was caressing you out of love and affection 😔

And not methodically cleansing then bandaging claw marks that just so happened to cross over your chest 😒

“You should make a full recovery,” she’s all business, “The demon avoided your nipple and didn’t puncture deep enough to affect the functionality of your breast,” fortunately, you’re too exhausted to be embarrassed by her bluntness, “It has a nice shape. I’m glad you survived.”

EXCUSE ME WHAT?!?!?! 😃🫠

Now you’re kinda embarrassed

More so preening, really 🤭

It’s like when a doctor randomly compliments the rhythm of your heart or some other characteristic from a mainly professional POV, but you’re still caught off guard because who tf compliments someone’s kidneys or bowels movements or?????

In your pain hazed delusion, you briefly contemplate somehow getting your other boob injured too… gotta make sure you’re matching in (nice) shape, y’know? 😌

Kyojuro can be discreet, albeit more so for your sake than his

“I APOLOGIZE! I DID NOT MEAN TO TOUCH YOUR BREAST!” <— how he could react 💀

“Pardon my slip, are you okay?” <— how he actually reacts, because he isn’t entirely lacking in social awareness and decorum 😆

“Oh,” you don’t mean to squeak, but it can’t be helped when the most handsome man you’ve ever known just casually grazed your boob, “I’m fine! Totally fine! Haha!” 🫨😵‍💫🫠

You’ve gotta be more convincing than that, or Kyojuro will never forgive himself 😕

He’s a lil oblivious when it comes to physical attraction

Not like, infantly so, but given this particular circumstance?

He doesn’t realize you’re flustered; he assumes you’re mortified 😖

“You sound decidedly less than fine.”

He’s softer now, worried about startling you 🥺

“I was surprised! But don’t worry! I’m not worried!”

Okaaay, but he’s worried 🥲

“Is there any way I could make amends for my indiscretion?”

Not only is he handsome, but he is such a gentleman 😭😍

“Rengoku-san, there are no amends to be made, I promise. I’m not mad, nor do I feel unhappy or unsafe. I forgive you.”

Your regaining of the ability to speak in complete sentences greatly reassures him 😮‍💨😁

“Ah. Well. I am grateful for your kindness and understanding. It will not happen again.”

…

…

Hold up 🧐

Why does she seem… she seems… disappointed? Should I have said it will happen again??

You’ve suddenly given Kyojuro something quite pleasant to ponder 🤔

After all, he isn’t entirely oblivious 😉

“Are you going to apologize?” Sanemi demands

“For what?” you screech

“For touching my hand with your boob!”

Your eyes roll, “Oh fuck off!”

“I didn’t ask to touch you,” he grunts

“I wouldn’t have given you permission anyway,” you retort 😒

Arms crossing over his bare chest, Sanemi scoffs, “Well I didn’t give mine either!”

“You’re ridiculous. It was an accident.”

You seem genuinely pissed 😬

Sanemi rethinks his approach

“You know I’m joking, right?” 😅

“Nooo,” your sarcasm cuts deep, “I thought you were flirting.” 😐

Uh 😀

Well 😃

Shit 😄

“Fuck you!” 

When in doubt, curse ‘em out 💀

You scowl, confusion lingering as your blood boils, “Fuck you!”

“I said it first.” 🙄

You stalk away, fed up with his antics

#man child #sort of #romantically inept is more like it

As tends to happen with epiphanies, yours doesn’t hit until you’re almost asleep

“WAS THAT MOTHERFUCKER FLIRTING WITH ME???!” 😳🥴😭

Best believe Shinazugawa Sanemi is about to have a Lesson 101 in flirting asap 😤😎

(assuming you’re older, like, mentor age to Muichiro)

Neither of you make a fuss about it

It’s like accidentally calling your teacher mom 😬

Or grabbing a random person’s hand in the supermarket thinking they’re your parent 🫣

Embarrassing, but not a huge deal — unless you make it one

There’re those three seconds of slow motion Uhh and What just happened and Oops 🫠

And then time speeds up to normal again, you have a quick conversation with your eyes (gosh forbid you speak and bring the unspoken into reality 💀), and it’s over

^^ Alternatively, if Muichiro initiates a conversation to clear the air, then you’re able to have a mature and concise chat that is respectfully and patiently resolved

Embarrassing/accidental encounters are part of growing up

As long as they can be navigated ~safely, there shouldn’t be any lasting harm

⚠️I also want to emphasize that I am talking solely on inarguably accidental/one time incidences⚠️

Hehehe

Giyuu’s hand is stuck 🫣

Only for like, a fleeting second

But omg 😭

He was already embarrassed, and now he’s triply embarrassed 🫠🫠🫠

“... Tomioka-san?”

You won’t lie; you aren’t especially bothered 🤭

But it is a compromising position to be caught in; Giyuu lowkey crushing you, one of his palms clearly cupping your boob 😬

#wrestling #or something #so maybe this isn’t super realistic #forgive me

You’re about to repeat his name when he finally springs to life, immediately rolling off you, standing abruptly, about to literally sprint away

And then he remembers his manners 🙃

He offers you a hand

His other hand; his boob hand is currently tucked away in his haori

He’s never washing it again

#closet perv

“Thanks,” you smile faintly, accepting his assistance as you lift yourself from the ground

You hope he can’t hear your heartbeat 💓

He definitely can 😶

But can you hear his?

“I don’t think we should train together anymore.”

Giyuu is swift and harsh with his solutions

“Why?”

Your question comes out stiffer than intended

He hesitates, unable to interpret the fear in your tone — the longing

“I always beat you,” he explains lamely, “Don’t you get tired of losing?”

You scoff cheerfully, grinning now as you squeeze his hand

Fuck, we were still holding hands?! <— Giyuu is in shambles 😳

“I could never lose!” you declare, feelings brimming in your throat, spilling onto your tongue, “Not when I’m with you.”

Then we should absolutely stop training together would be the responsible reaction

Attachments are the most dangerous game for a Hashira to play 😕

Instead, Giyuu’s rendered speechless, unable to shake his hand from yours

“Well alright then,” he mutters, stomach churning as he narrowly avoids the warmth in your gaze

In fact, you swear he squeezes back 💓

“EXCUSE ME! I HAVE A WIFE!” 😤😤😤

“You have three wives.” 🙄

Sputtering, Tengen shrieks, “I already have plenty of breasts to touch!” 

“Tengen,” you glare, not one to back down as you jab a finger into his own chest, “You touched my boob.” 😒

“AND I’M SORRY!” 😭

Much better 😌

“I don’t know what they see in you,” you scoff (you’re also lying, you can see plenty🤭), “They’re gorgeous… and you freak out when you accidentally touch a boob.” 💀

Tengen is 100% pouting now

“I don’t freak out when I touch their boobs,” he huffs

“Well aren’t they lucky.” 😐

“You could be lucky too!”

…

…

Tengen starts running 

You give chase

“DID YOU TALK TO THEM ABOUT THIS?” 

Tengen runs faster

“TENGEN!!!!!”

Tengen runs faster and faster

You give up

*insert gasping for air here*

“DO YOUR WIVES KNOW THEY’RE MARRIED TO A COWARD???!!!”

Oh well, you’ll have to visit their estate sometime this week 🙃

You’re sure to get an answer from Hina, Makio, and Suma ☺️

And you can’t wait to see more of Tengen 😏😋

Sorry, sometimes the horny just happens 🥴

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday my lovely readers. :) AH the post breakup ep. This one almost hurts more. It's most apt ep name of the entire season. ‘Crushed.’ Boy does this name hold up to what goes down in this episode. As much as it sucks what goes down with Blair. She was damn good at her job and this ep proves that. Lots of Tim analysis in this one as you all know is my jam. Eric and Melissa continue to crush us in this one. Phew. Let us begin.

6x07 Crushed

We start out strong with the soul crushing. Lucy’s necklace and DOD ring are noticeably absent. They know the fandom well to take away these objects. Of course we were going to notice them being gone. Hurts my heart to see it. Makes sense but doesn’t make it ache less. Our poor collective shipper heart. Granted the ring was her's long before Tim…BUT we all know what it represents. Her life being saved. Throwing it out in the hopes he would find it and save her. Represents him digging his bare hands into the earth to retrieve her from it. *sniffle* I’m fine….

Her necklace being gone is just a stark reminder of where we are with them. I hate it. The opening sequence is a gut punch to our feels. To Lucy’s too. Tamara is moving out. This also hurts to watch. The end of an era. Lucy is grasping at straws asking if she needs more time before she goes? Tamara asks if she needs her to stay? With the breakup and all? Lucy instantly say no. Even if she wanted to she'd never ask that of her. But it’s clearly upsetting Lucy watching her whole world being dismantled.

She went from having the love of her life with her daily, and Tamara living there, to neither of those things within a week. She literally blinked and her two pillars of support were gone. I adore her making dinner reservations for her though. Wanting to celebrate despite her current sadness. Tamara asks if Tim really got kicked out of Metro? Lucy immediately saddens and morosely replies ‘Yeah.’ Tamara being her protective self in her reply. I mean she isn’t wrong…But it brings Lucy zero comfort and it’s written all over her face. *sigh*

We go from one heartbreaking scene to another. Once again the punches not being pulled in the last 3 eps. I feel emotionally winded. For only having 10 eps they sure did pack them full of it. Which I was impressed with. We see Tim disassembling his Metro office. Hurts me to see it. Official time of death for Metro Tim is now. You all know how much I loved him in this position. I really hate this. Was more than him being fine af in that outfit. Was years of hard work flushed down the toilet *snaps fingers* Just like that. Really paints the picture of his trajectory downward after Ray.

I hate this on a personal level for him. The breakup is excruciating but adding this in is... It's salt into an already raging wound. Worst part is we watch him being stoic with Wade. Trying to pull all the company lines. Whatever will get him back on duty and Grey out of his hair. Luckily Wade isn’t so easily duped. He knows this man well. Been his superiors for years. Can see the grunt mentality Tim is displaying. Knowing how unhealthy it is. Grey lets him know Dr. London will be shadowing him. Tim is naturally upset about this.

This wasn't the work he meant lol Knowing exactly why this is happening. Wade doesn’t sugar coat it when Tim pushes back. Nor should he. Lists off the reasons he questions Tim's judgment right now. The reckless behavior that had him bounced out of Metro and back to patrol. Secondly breaking up with Lucy. Tim forgets this man watched over the years how Tim blossomed around her. Even more so when they got together. To toss that away is just as reckless as his behavior that lost him Metro. Tim is in a free fall atm. Grey is just trying to soften the landing when he comes back to Earth.

Tim being a lying liar who lies. Says him breaking up with Lucy had nothing to do with Ray. Oh my love you don’t really believe that do you? Because it has EVERYTHING to do with it. Was the catalyst to breaking all our hearts. It's clearly a tactic to get out of his ride along with Blair. The man as we know runs from and buries his feelings. Only person to ever get him to open up he’s shoved away at this point. Phew. This somehow hurts more the second to watch and dissect.

Wade stands his ground about the ride along. Saying if he wants to even begin to earn his trust back. It starts here. Otherwise he’s going to get mandated therapy. Which honestly I would’ve hated for him. Because therapy’s something you need to come to on your own. Not have it thrust upon you. So I’m glad Grey started out with this observation first. The man knows what he’s doing. Tim gives into his order of taking her with. Little does he know he’s going to end up doing both.

But that’s the beauty of this episode tbh. Once that is settled Wade slyly mentions he’s taking Lucy out. Tim being salty says for ‘Evaluating her too?’ I love Grey’s slick smile replying he’s just observing. Like I said earlier. The man knows what he’s doing. He’s also worried about them both. He knows how serious their relationship was. Probably thought their next step was marriage. So for it to be over he’s gotta do damage control. He’s the MVP of this ep.

This scene with Smitty still makes me blood BOIL. Months later and it still has me incensed with him. With that jackass too who was betting Tim cheated. How very fucking dare you nobody officer. If you knew Tim at all you’d know he would NEVER. Not ever. Neither of them would. It’s so degrading for both Tim and Lucy.

Also her and Aaron? Excuse me while I go vomit. I love how she dismantles Smitty. Straight up kills him. The shame on his face is something he deserves and more. This one of the many reasons people knowing was the worst. Because cops or not this was gonna feed the rumor mill. People gossip no matter the profession. Lucy telling him how wildly inappropriate this is. Honestly she should’ve reported his ass.

I would’ve. I'm crazy protective of them both. So I hated this scene for them. And for Lucy out of the two of them to find it ugh….Smitty promises he’ll shut it down right away. Damn right you will mofo….That scene still gets under my skin more than I would like. We were all in mourning as a fandom. So this scene lit my Italian rage up. Hated rewatching it. Made me sick to think of them gossiping about them. Still hate this whole thing. Doesn’t get easier with time.

The pain train continues forward with this next scene. The LAST thing Lucy needed in this moment was to bump into Tim. Especially coming off the heels of scolding Smitty. We see her rubbing her tattoo like no tomorrow. Trying to calm her raging emotions. She doesn’t even get a second to breathe, before running into the cause of her deep hurt.

Gotta commend Melissa and Eric for this awkward encounter. Lucy has zero time for this. Can’t even process what just happened with Smitty let alone this. Doesn’t stay in that corridor long. Poor Lucy almost stumbles over herself to get away from Tim. Shaking her head as he calls out for her. Rip my damn heart out some more why don't you writers? Good lord. Killing me softy. 5 minutes in and I’m a damn mess. Also what kills me in this scene how Tim lights up when he sees her.

Ugh you can’t do that after what you did Timothy. You stole her voice and her choice in that breakup. You can’t be surprised she doesn’t want to see you. You destroyed her in that parking lot. Decimated her loving spirit when you took off. Eric once again killing me with his expressions. His reaction after she all but dashes from him breaks my heart. This was self inflicted but hurts to watch none the less. To see them reduced to this awkward interaction is devastating.

I will say I adore Blair for coming right at Tim from the jump. Doesn’t wasn’t any damn time calling him on his crap. His person isn’t there to do it. So she is the next best thing. Well other the Angela. But he needed to hear this stuff from a professional. My sister can tell me something and it doesn’t resonate. My therapist does and it clicks. Idk why. Just does. Tim NEEDED this ride along just didn’t know it yet.

Doesn’t take her long to call Tim out for his decision to use Aaron as a buffer. Is reading him like a book she’s known for years. Saying he’s doing so cause he’s exhibiting classic avoidance attachment style. (Totally is...) Tim having not been in therapy is confused at her reply. She continues to depict him further. Explaining he prefers surface level over deep intimacy. Which is the case with everyone but Lucy…

She continues on to say it’s a defense mechanism. One that is developed due to an overly strict or domineering parent. Usually a father. Tim getting nervous already goes on the defensive. Like he always does when someone has him dead to rights. Did it to Lucy and Angela. This therapist is no different. Stating he isn’t a fan of this and there is going to be no over sharing. Ok love….

I do adore Grey for making sure Lucy is taken care of. We all know our girl isn’t going to take care of herself. Her and Tim are scary alike in this way. They’d rather take care of others than do any form of self care. So Wade is doing it for her which I love. He didn’t pick Tim he picked HER. He gave Tim what he needed with the therapist. Also we don’t get enough Lucy and Wade so I was all about this.

We know he’s worried because she’s taken hit after hit this year. Tim being the biggest blow of all. These other things were horrible but she had him. Her person. Her pillar. Now that’s gone and she’s losing Tamara to boot. She needed this ride along as much as Tim needed his. To say this season has been tough on her would be the understatement of the century. I’m hurting for her so much. Her entire world was ripped out from underneath her.

I think Grey can tell it’s pent up inside her. The constant ‘I’m ok and I’m fine.’ Are really cries for help. The awkwardness continues when they run into Tim getting ready for the day. Lucy extends the awkwardness inviting everyone EXCEPT Tim to Tamara’s farewell dinner. Well and Dr. London heh Who is watching this entire exchange go down. This shot from his cam feeling very intentional as he watches her invite everyone but him. A little shot at his soul watching this happen. He watches her depart sadly some definite longing in it. Oh Timothy you did this to yourself my love. Grey patting his arm as he follows Lucy out.

Lucy and Grey’s first call strikes a personal chord. Far too close to what she and Tim just went through. They show up to a couple fighting. The girl is losing her mind on him. Little stabs to the heart what this woman is upset about. Saying how she thought they were happy. How she thought he was the one. Then it just ended. How it doesn’t make sense. Ooof. My heart hurts.

I hate how relevant this call is for Lucy. Crushed is the theme through out this one. Apropos ep name if we’ve ever had one. Lucy then gets paranoid because she is feeling exposed in this moment. Feeling things she’s been suppressing gurgling up. Asking Grey if he set this up? That Tim just bailed on her. That their first call was about a woman being ghosted. I adore his reply. It’s Top Notch Wade Grey goodness.

Puts her in her place right away with that notion. But it’s very telling to him in this moment how much she needs this shift with him. The amount she has pent up is immense. The fact that she reacted the way she just did proves that. Her sensitivity level is sky high atm. Lucy’s reply when they get back in the car is hilarious though. Much needed levity in a tense moment LOL ‘It’s my bad.’ Hahahaha oh Lucy Chen never change. We love you so.

Dr. London hits the ground running with the case they have. Aaron bringing up it’s always the boyfriend right? When it comes to missing cases like this? It’s here Blair inserts her like about breakups. It’s SPOT ON. Say what you will about her as a person but she was damn good at her job. At zeroing in on someone and what makes them tick. What is holding them back. And her line about breakups is just that for Tim. Stating it’s a trigger for many men. How stereotypical gender roles prevent them from seeking help. It gets under Tim’s skin instantly. I’m sure she said for a few reasons.

First because It’s an accurate statement for most men. Sad but true. Two because she feels this fits Tim perfectly and his current situation. And lastly to see how he would react. Which of course is defensively, but she’s methodically chipping away at his wall. That statement is not only this situation. But it’s Tim’s entire life. His father called him. ‘Poor little Tim-Tim.’ This was not a term of endearment but a mockery of his feelings. For even having them let alone expressing them. To have feelings was shameful and to act on them even more so. Looked at Tim with disgust and disappointment for it.

That scene in 4x09 in his father's hospital room was a painful glimpse into his childhood. To how he was treated for ever being emotional or needing help. So of course he’s not going to reach out for help. It’s deeply ingrained in him not to do as such. Breaks my heart. Grew up the same way. Being pegged as ‘Sensitive’ or mocked for what they perceived as emotional tantrums. When I was just a little person with emotions and didn't know how to regulate them. I was emotionally imbalanced because of my parents. Just like Tim is cause of his father. Blair is testing the water with her theory and striking gold in this moment. Quite the opening volley from her.

Grey starts on his own inquiry into how Lucy is. Clearly needing to since she exploded at their last call. Asking if she’s talked to Tim since the breakup? She is brief and just replies nope. Although her reply is brief her emotions are not. Just hearing his name is springing up tears to her eyes. Melissa aiming to do the same to me in this scene. Straight killing me at how damn sad she looks. I hate it so much. Lucy follows it up with saying she thought he didn't care about her personal life?

Oof giving me Tim flashbacks to 3x08. When she was questioning why they were talking about her personal life? Grey's answer obviously different in this instance. Telling her he cares if it affects her job. I mean he is Watch Commander. This is a valid thing to worry about. Also part of the reason for this ride along. To gauge where she is at and how it’s affecting her on the job. Grey connects the dots of Tim’s IA investigation and their breakup. Knowing it’s not a coincidence.

Tells Lucy as such that he can’t help but wonder if there’s a connection. I mean obviously there is. He’s just not going to get that out of either of them. He failed earlier with Tim. Also it's not the connection he think's it is. I do love her instinct to protect Tim regardless of the hurt. Was pressed and she doesn’t budge. That is a natural thing for her bad place or not. Lucy may not fully understand the why of it all. But she would never cast suspicion on him due to it. She just loves him and will protect him even when he has no idea. I’m not crying you are….*sniffle*

Lucy reinforces the idea it was nothing of the sort. That it was just weird timing that’s it. Then she goes into analysis mode. Which is her form of defense mechanism IMO. If she can try to understand it. Figure out the why. Maybe she can start to heal from it. Not have it drown her every single day. Lucy chalks it up to Tim not being emotionally available. I mean that is definitely part of the problem…

He is a disaster zone of a person right now. He’s occupied mentally in a way she has no idea about right now. At this point in time Tim doesn’t even know this about himself. Only that he wasn’t deserving of her love, that he is too toxic, and she’s better off without him. Has no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes for him. Neither does Lucy. It shows how painfully in the dark she is about what went down.

The sports comment is pretty comical though. I mean I totally get being emotional about sports. The Rangers ruined my mood for awhile when they were booted from the playoffs in June. We made it deep into the playoffs too. So I get the hurt. Regardless it’s a funny reply from Grey. Makes Lucy smile too which is a win right now. The look out the window had me cackling haha I love it so much. We need more of them.

Dr. London continues her barrage on Tim and I’m here for it. It’s the only way he responds to emotional stuff. Also I think Blair realizes if she doesn’t come at him hard, she won’t gain any ground with him. Doesn’t hold back when she compares Tim and Lucy to her line about how platonic love. How their's started out as a friendship and blossomed into so much more. *heart clutch* Eric kills me in these shop scenes.

We can feel and see the emotions he’s choking back. The sadness in his reply of ‘I was her T.O.’ He can feel the rush of emotions flooding in so he sends Aaron away. Tries to ward her off by saying he knows what she’s doing. Blair is getting under his skin quickly and he can feel the heat of it. She is poking at a raw nerve and it’s very evident. The looks on his face through out this scene make me wanna cry. Dr. London reminds him breakups evoke anxiety and depression in men.

Tim being Tim tries bravado this time. Saying he’s not depressed. (Ok babe…) That he’s the one who broke up with her. Trying to deflect but it isn’t working on her. Blair doesn’t relent and replies yes he did. BUT she can tell he has immense guilt around doing it. Which we know is true. He feels horrendous for breaking his person's heart. It’s eating at him like a cancer. Exuding out him so much he can’t use his usual tactics to hide it from her. She see's right through him. Like he's glass and she's peering in for a look.

Dr. London continues her pegging of him with this next part. My god does she have him dead to rights. Not only that but she’s getting through. She can’t see his face but if she could she would see it. Eric is masterful once again with his expressive emotions. We watch the range of emotions in this portion. Especially with his eyes. Always the eyes. She really hits home with her analysis of him. You can see it seeping in. I’m so bummed there isn’t a set of this scene. It’s so so good.

Bringing up how internalizing guilt and shame leads to self directed anger. If that isn’t our boy in a sentence. Sweet baby James. The part about self directed anger is this man to a tee. An absolute tee. The way he’s soaking in all her info has me deep in my feels. That guilt she mentioned is pouring out of him in this moment. Along with the shame and anger that is starting to build as well. The anger is because she draws a HARD line in the sand about this eval.

That if she can’t tell if he isn’t self destructive by EOD she’s gonna sideline him. How he can keep stonewalling her if he likes but it’s only gonna end in a psych eval. It is a rough way to come at him. But he needs it so badly. Lucy isn’t here to knock it into him. So I’ll be forever grateful Blair was. He of course reverts back to S1 Tim when Aaron re-enters. Snaps at him because he can’t handle the emotions coursing through him. So he takes it out on poor Aaron. What she said has hit very close to home. Sadly Aaron get the repercussions of that.

We go back to Grey and Lucy talking about Tamara. Their case involves a girl being scooped up from babysitting. Has her worried and Grey can tell. I adore him telling her what she’s done with Tamara is wonderful. That Lucy showed her unconditional love. The kind that healed her skeptical heart. Made her wanna launch back into the world due to it. It’s here Lucy circles it back to Tim. With her line about letting people you care about go. How could she not? It’s consumed all her thoughts for days and days. Grey picks up on it immediately. Asking if they’re still talking about Tamara?

This launches a Lucy rant of epic proportions. One I don’t think Grey is even close to be accustomed to lol She is finally ready to unload the emotional burden on her soul. Her reaction here is just further proof she had no idea why Tim did what he did. Also probably has zero idea he got half his unit killed. Bringing on his episode of self loathing. Which prompted the breakup. Saying she has no idea what happened to them. That she can’t stop thinking about it. Girl me too. It consumed a lot of my waking hours in that three week hiatus as well. Only difference is I got to know WHY Tim did it.

It didn’t make it less painful but it helped to know the why. This is where Lucy and I are a lot like. Needing to know the why helps me accept things. Otherwise I go insane. Like I stated earlier her defense mechanism is analysis. She was so damn blindsided by this. Her brain hasn’t caught up to any possibilities of why. Lucy was left in the dark from 6x05-6x06. Only let in with what I can assume was minimal surface level info about Ray. Otherwise her analysis brain could figure out why he did this if she knew EVERYTHING. If she did know she could cobble together exactly the why behind his reasoning.

Lucy going off saying she thought their relationship was worth more. The 'Unless it is.' haunting her. Haunting us all. I couldn't look at happy gifs for a long time.....She thought what they had was worth more than a cheap cop out. It was very cliched how he put it. Which was intentional I'm sure on the writers part. Made it seem like it was a cheap way out of their relationship. Clearly we know it’s SO much more complex than that. But she doesn’t know any of that. Which continues to leave her in the dark and it's painful to watch her struggle with that. I just want to tell her. *screams into a pillow* Instead of having a say in it Tim made the decision for her and it pisses her off.

As it should. It pisses me off. He took her voice and right to an opinion with their breakup. That is something he’s going to have to make up for. Lucy deserved so much better than how that breakup went down. She does deserve to be the one who decides if she wants better. Which she didn’t get to. Nor did she want better. That man was IT for her. And she is thought she was the same for Tim. It’s why her line about struggling with him letting go so easily hurts. Honestly It’s what adds another layer of tragedy to this whole breakup. The miscommunication even in the breakup itself is unreal. Lucy finishes off her rant perfectly though.

Saying even if she wanted total self destruction it was her damn life. Her friggin decision to make that call. Tim straight robbed her of that. Not only did he but left her holding the emotional bag afterward. It’s not right and it’s not fair. Our girl deserved so much better than how he handled that breakup. He has a lot to make up for in s7. But he knows that just not right now…Grey’s face to finish off the scene is everything. Knowing she needed to get that off her soul. That this is why he didn’t want her riding around solo today. This was a much needed spiral in a safe place. So well done Wade. Our girl needed this.

Blair doesn’t even have to wait for an opening in this next scene. Tim jumps in to defend himself about eviscerating Aaron. Saying it’s his style. She continues to read Tim like a frigging book. This is my favorite scene of the episode for him. Just because it’s so telling. Eric is incredibly expressive as she breaks him down. He feels trapped but also can’t deny what she’s telling him. Her assessment is out of the world good.

Another beautiful thing about this scene is she is attacking his problem at it's damaged root. Blair tells him he’s under a lot of stress it's clear. Not just the case though. Saying whatever went down between him and Ray must’ve been real bad for him to lose Metro. To be back on patrol. Tim doing his old move of deflection. Saying how he owns mistakes and moves on. Well he has half of that right… Our boy definitely owns his mistakes. Moving on is a whole other issue.

Dr. London is moving in for the kill at this point. Saying but he hasn’t moved on. How can he when his whole identity is wrapped up in acting honorably? Damn she has him pegged. If he could truly move on. Be solid in that statement we wouldn’t be here. If he could really reconcile with the past he wouldn’t have ended it with Lucy. He feels not worthy and very much not honorable enough to be with her. So he cut ties. *sad sigh* Tim cloaks himself in honor then condemns himself when he falls short of it. Which is why he can't move on. Just adds another pebble to his soul as it were.

Blair continues with her spot on assessment. Her guess being that has taken a devastating effect on his self esteem. We know it has. His entire life he hasn’t felt worthy or deserving. Has has always had the lowest self esteem about himself. Because mistakes were failure growing up. Mistakes of any kind. Which isn't ok. A healthy and good parents loves you through them. Teaches you there are lessons in mistakes. That it’s not the falling down it’s the not getting back up that’s failure. This man has been knocked down more times than I can count.

He got up every single time. Which is incredible and grew him to be resilient af. Sadly to Tim it’s the falling down that is failure. He never saw his getting back up as a positive thing. Just saw it as surviving and it was partly. He didn't see the goodness in getting back up because his father never did. He grew up in a household where mistakes were pain. Whether it was physical or emotional it was abuse for said mistake. Didn't matter what it was. So to Tim if he set high standards for himself. If he acted honorably his chances of mistakes or failure would decrease. (In his mind at least)

The problem with that is he’s human. We’re all human and fall short of expectations. No one set his except him. Hell I just dealt with this writing this review. I set this insane expectation of when I should've been done writing it and I didn't hit it. I was mad at myself for a expectation only I had set. It's the same for Tim. Whenever he fell short of being ‘honorable’ in his mind. It dinged his already fractured self-esteem. To the point where he has none. Lucy rebuilt it over the years. But it goes to show you how little he thinks of himself. That Ray coming back toppled all of that. Imploded it really in a matter of days.

She really brings it home here. Her pièce de résistance as it were. This is where Tim goes from huh? To Oh…Blair notes it’s why he’s been punishing himself. This catches Tim off guard because he’s truly confused. Like I said earlier I don’t know even know Tim knew the deep why of their breakup. He for sure had no idea he was doing this specifically. No doubt in my mind he had zero idea he was punishing himself. I didn't know I was in the story I'm going to use here in a bit.

Now he knew he wasn’t worthy. Knew he didn’t feel deserving of her love and comfort. Because he had acted so dishonorably. To Tim there’s no way she could love him after that. He projected 'Rules matter Boot. 'their entire relationship. Long before they got together. To Tim he created this infallible image of himself to her that he fell short of.

One he tried to instill in her as a cop. Yet he failed to do so. He couldn’t look at himself let alone make her do as such. That's what he understood about what he’d done. Which is insane cause she met him at his worst and still saw his good heart. But that's a rant for another time and place ha Suffice to say it was standard he was holding himself to that she wasn't. I get this so much it pains me.

Blair soldiers on in her explanation. Letting him know he’s depriving himself of something he loves. Something that brings him joy. I know this tactic all too well. I mentioned this in my mini. But feels appropriate to do so again in terms of relation. I do this myself. Tim and I are very alike it scares me honestly. When I fail at something I punish myself too. I feel I’m getting better at this. But this story is pre-therapy Caitlin lol.

Anyways I did this with my last job. I wasn’t good at it right away. I was close to being fired actually. My leader at the time was confident in my game plan to fix myself. I however was intent on punishing myself for being awful. I was mad I had failed in the first place. Pissed at myself for not being good right away. This clearly being the result of my childhood. Where I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes. If I did it resulted in emotional abuse in the form of the silent treatment. So going into adulthood I still held myself to higher standards than anyone ever set for me.

When I fell short of those standards I punished myself. So with this new job I denied myself music. It was something I loved dearly. So in turn until I got my act together I didn’t listen to it. Didn’t felt I deserved till until I rectified my mistake. My boss found out and told me not to be so hard on myself. That there was no need to punish myself. I hadn't even realized that's what I was doing till she said that. I still was hard on myself but allowed her faith in me to let myself listen to music again. It ended up being what saved me.

This is why I relate so hard to him doing this. Because I did it. My whole life. Tim doesn’t even realize till now he’s punishing himself this way. He’s denied himself his person. What brings him the most constant joy in his life? Lucy. Who is the radiant sunshine that made his life better? Lucy. So. In turn he is denying himself the one person he feels he doesn’t deserve. Punishing himself by denying himself her presence, he is simultaneously depriving himself of the happiness their relationship brings him. We know how happy she's made him. The highest form of penance is sacrificing that. Oh my broken boy.

I love her saying 'Or more accurately someone.' She saw what went down at the kit room. How Tim longingly looked at Lucy when she departed. Knows this man is still so in love with her. It’s obvious he hasn’t made this connection himself till she says this. We see it dawning on Tim. Her getting through to him. We watch as this hits Tim square in his chest. Or really his heart. She has struck a deep chord and it shows all over his reaction. Especially in the second gif. Tim is holding back actual tears as it hits him.

Ugh my heart. Damn you Eric. As quickly as he comes to this realization Aaron re enters the car. Tim has to readjust and adapt back to hard ass. Was bummed couldn't fit this in but he struggles with it. Aaron is smart enough not to ask if he’s ok twice… I do remember being excited by this scene. Because I felt it would propel him toward therapy. To knowing he needs help. All the signs can be there but you have to see the need for it. I'll be forever grateful to Dr. London for helping him see it.

Lucy spotting Tim and touching her tattoo. Melissa you’re killing me. But also don’t stop. I love that you do that. It makes me wanna cry though. Because we all know why she reaches for it. It’s to remind herself she’s a survivor. The only problem is that idea came from Tim….That entire grounding exercise is wrapped up in him. So it’s painful she has to now use it about him. It’s beautifully tragic and subtle.

Which is why it hurts so good. Mostly hurts atm. Until they’re reconciled anyways. It PAINS me to see how awkward they are with one another. To go from being so damn linked to this disjointed mess….I hate it so much. Eric and Melissa do it so well though. The body language and the nervousness pouring out of them. Lucy wanting to start something but not knowing where to begin. At a loss for words.

Tim doesn’t help her at all. Just stands there like an awko taco. That lyric ‘I’ve never been a fighter.’ Ringing through the silence. Ugh the music attacking us once again in the best way. This song is so good for this moment. I truly think having listened to it enough times now. Feel it’s Lucy POV with these lyrics. Which I’ll delve into more in the side notes. This entire scene just hurts. Like poking a unhealed wound.

I have to note this gif separately. Said this a lot this ep but damn you Eric. His precious little smile here is killing me softly. He’s spent the entire ep on pins and needles. Avoiding his feelings. Lashing out at everyone around him. Then being hit with some serious realizations. Then he sees sees Lucy and it appears. That Lucy smile of his. But he forgets he can’t be flashing that adorable smile to her anymore. He lost the right to find comfort in her presence when he walked away from them. From her.

The smile also kills me because he’s so in love with her. Look at that man above. It’s written all over that smile. It hurts to watch. I saw a great tag for this gif. ‘idk what hurts more his little smile or his shining eyes.’ Honestly? Both. They both hurt….Once again he has no right to be showing her those in love eyes paired with tears. Only hurts her more. Hell it’s killing me. It pains me he’s punishing them both for this spiral. This scene hurts so much but starting out with this smile. *sigh* I'm dying Timothy. You've killed me.

Truly blinded by his own shortcomings at the start of this scene. Thought he could just jump back in there and be normal. That there’s no way she loved him like he loved her. So she would be more normal and ok after their break up than him. My broken Timothy you hurt my heart on so many levels. Not only that but makes a joke about clocking out. He's nervous in his delivery of it too. Which he should be. He exploded them and is making small talk? Oh Tim. No....

Lucy calls him out instantly for it. I adore her for the stand she takes here. Not only not letting hide in small talk but getting her side in finally. Refusing to let him force normalcy on them when they never had a real talk. An actual adult convo. Insulted he wants to hide in chit chat. No matter the place they’re in Lucy is always going to tell him like it is. We all know he loves her for it even when it hurts like hell like this scene does.

Lucy reams him like she should. Letting out all the emotions she never got to express. Also what she’s been stewing on. Telling him what she has been holding onto the past week. Saying how he’s been so concerned with what she deserves. That he BLEW past them even having an adult conversation. Which he most definitely did. Also it saddens me the physical distance in this scene. They’re never ever that far apart. Very telling of where they are right know. I hate it.

You can see the discord between just by their physical distance. What kills me is she gives him a chance to rectify it. To have that convo. Tim deflects because the man is no where near ready for that kind of conversation. It reflects in his reply. He only continues to see he isn’t worthy of her. You are everything she wants you foolish man. He doesn't have a damn clue with that though. So he continues to push her back. Away from him and his turmoil.

It’s here I’m so proud of Lucy. She stands her ground and sets a boundary. Which is not easy BTW. It's insanely hard. Telling Tim he has a lot more to work on that she realized.... That she wishes him good luck with that. But she clearly isn’t the person to help him anymore. *heart clutch* My heart is on the ground again. I get it though. She is stepping away from him and how nuclear he is. It’s such a good boundary to set for herself. For her sanity really.

Another great quote from that book mentioned last ep. “A boundary is our only fighting chance at reclaiming our peace.” It’s the only way she can regain any semblance of peace. To move on from this and heal. Have couple more that are so appropriate here. “People who are irresponsible with our hearts shouldn’t be granted great access to them.” Tim hurt her heart so greatly. Betrayed her trust so deeply. This boundary is to protect herself. But also to keep Tim from having the access he once had. It's easy to see he isn't budging so even if it pains her she has to create distance for herself.

Final one “Love can be unconditional but access doesn’t have to be.” Lucy still loves that man unconditionally but can’t allow him to access her heart anymore. She gave him one last shot and he blew it. So she retreated like she should when he denied her. Does kill me she is clutching her tattoo end of this scene as well. It's what keeps that boundary in place and her feet moving forward. Breaking my heart all over again in an instant. I'll just be sobbing in the corner no big deal...

I was pleasantly surprised when we got another moment in Grey’s office. Thinking that was the end of it. I was hoping against hope Tim wanted to reach out and get help. This scene delivers in spades on that. Tim fully expecting to be mandated therapy. We can see he’s actually disappointed when she has a good review of him. Reporting it won’t affect his work. I’m glad she did because it’s prompts Tim to advocate for himself in this moment.

To say I’m proud of him is an understatement. To not only see he has work to do but reach out for the help to accomplish that. The relief this made me feel is immense. Tim says he was expecting her to say he had a lot of work to do on himself. Grey opens the dialogue asking if he does? Tim says he thinks so…Such a huge step for him. I could cry. Hell I was misty when this scene happened. Tim then asks what Grey thinks of him seeing her regularly?

Wade's reply makes me heart so happy. That it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. It really does. There is nothing scarier than asking for help. Especially with your mental health. Men have it easy in a lot of ways IMO. This is not one of them. They are told not to have feelings, or anxiety, god help them if they mental health issues. Tim coming to this place is incredible. This is a milestone scene for his character. I loved the writers tackling mental health this year. For doing it with Tim too. I could cry at how proud I am for him reaching out. For realizing something is amiss and knowing he needs to fix it.

As if this episode wasn’t making me cry enough. This final scene with Tamara gets me teary. Other than Tim and Lucy they’ve been my fav. Been beautiful to watch them both grow. It helped Tamara heal her untrusting heart. That unconditional love Lucy gave her never wavered. It helped rebuild her faith in people. In herself. I know it helped Lucy heal from Jackson. To show her to open her heart again after losing him.

They healed one another and it makes me emotional writing about it. They’re sisters and family all wrapped up in one. Hard to watch Lucy lose another piece of her life though. Truly hope this pain and loss helps her grow. If there is anything I've learned in therapy is that. Growing through the pain. I hope s7 treats her kindly after this harsh season. It’ll be make all the hurt she goes through so much better. I’ll be fascinated to see how s7 starts for her. How it progresses.

Where she’s at emotionally and mentally. My heart hurts for her in this season. So very much. I can’t even explain the level of ache I feel for Lucy. Our girl deserves the world and more. I hope she explores herself more next season. Tunes into how she doesn’t tend to take care of herself. Think she is on a growth journey of her own. It starts here though. I’ll be excited to see how s7 plays out for her. The end. of this scene is funny. Lucy begging her not to tell the car story at dinner LOL

This is gigantic growth right here. Coming here like this. Telling Dr. London that he was thinking on all she said. He is going against his better nature and reaching out. Admitting something is wrong and doing something about it. I know how hard it is to reach a place where you do this. What’s so beautiful about this development is Tim seeing he needs help. It's why he's here. He can feel something inside him is broken. He doesn’t know how to fix it so he is reaching out to someone who does. Tim can tell something is wrong and just wants to fix it.

To understand why and to get better. It is not a light decision to start therapy. It really isn’t. I ran away from my feelings for years. Damn near a decade really. Made light of the abuse I had growing up. Would crack jokes about it even. Because that was my defense mechanism. It was easier than dealing with what really happened to me. Ignoring how emotionally unstable and imbalanced I was due to it. I spent most of my 20s running away from help. From therapy. When it was brought up to me I would shoot it down like Tim. Call it nonsense and how I didn’t need it. I was also like Tim (Still am. WIP over here) and wrapped my identity up in the same stuff.

Being so fucking harsh on myself it was unreal. I still struggle with giving myself grace. I feel I’ve gotten better but it’s still a daily battle. It’s hard to explain the feeling you get when you know you can’t out run your demons anymore. There is just something that goes off inside you like an alarm. It tells you it doesn’t feel right, that you don’t know how to fix it, but it is time you ought to. All I know is it is different for everyone. What set me off is very different from Tim’s. His was a past mistake that came with a side of buried trauma.

Mine was a kind comment meant to make me feel good. Also some buried trauma. I was helping this sweet old lady who was a client of mine. She noted the earrings I was wearing and said they were nice. Told her my mom gave them to me with no emotion in my tone. I’ll never forget the sweet look in her eyes as she told me ‘Your mother must love you very much.’ What should’ve been a nice comment was a huge trigger for me. My mother is some of my deepest seated trauma. It set me off like nothing ever has before.

Her saying that unlocked this pandoras box of emotions. One I spent nearly a decade suppressing. I got into my car afterward and cried. I texted my sister telling her I think it was time I got help. I felt something was wrong. Wrong enough to do something about it. My repressed emotions had clawed to the surface for air. I couldn’t ignore them anymore. I had to get help. Something was broken and I needed the help to fix it. So that brings us back to Tim in this moment. To why he is standing here right now before Dr. London.

He tells her she is right. That he is mad at himself. We can see the realization just wash over Tim. Like he’s opening his eyes for the first time in forever. We can also see the disappointment on his face when she says tomorrow. He is wanting to talk about this right then and there. I’m same way (shock surprise I know.) Blair sees this and asks if it’s an emergency? Tim doing what he does best says no. Trying to do the “honorable” and not burden her with his needs. Because it’s easy to see yourself as a burden to everyone when you’ve been treated like one most of your life.

It’s what makes Tim digging deep and saying no I need this now below so massive. Watching him advocate for himself *sigh* I wanna cry. Because this scene is HUGE for him. I remember thinking to those who were hating on him at the time. If you can’t grasp how groundbreaking this is. You don’t get his character at all. Nor have you ever struggled with mental health issues or asking for help. Anyone who was nasty about his mental health made me so mad. To be that cold and insensitive meant to me you were emotionally immature yourself. I'll die on that hill happily.

If you need help understanding Tim in this moment or this episode please use my experience. What happened with me and what it took to bring me to therapy. Because they are similar. That is this man in this moment. Realizing Ray resurfaced all his demons. They came up for air and weren’t going away this time. Just like mine. This is Tim’s ‘Come to Jesus’ moment in regard to his mental health. He’s standing here because everything Dr. London told him rang true. Hit a chord inside him it was time to get right.

The thing is he doesn’t know how to handle it. Which is why he is reaching out like this. I do wanna say Lucy got him to a better place for him to do this. S1 Tim wouldn’t have reacted this way to Dr. London. Not at all. I don’t wanna forget the impact she’s had on him. But this is not Lucy’s problem to fix. She even stated that in their scene together. She is not the one which sucks. But this is not her journey to be on. A healing journey is a very personal and vulnerable thing. It’s one you have to do by yourself. (And with your therapist)

My friends and family helped prep me for mine. I’m so grateful for that. To get me to place where I could see I needed the help. But it was up to ME to take that first step. That's what this scene represents for Tim. Taking that ever so painful and scary first step into healing. Tim can see the work he has to do and that is progress. I truly truly hope he continues therapy in s7.

Despite Blair. I’m so excited they went this path with him. Didn’t just try and fix them and gloss over the fact he needs help. Appreciate the proper care they took with this SL. It also may not have felt like it at the time. But it’s paving a path of healing for them in the future. Tim’s head right will be best for them when they heal and reunite. Phew This was a doozy to tackle. I hope you all enjoyed it. And those who didn’t read my mini can see Tim’s POV and the WHY of everything. As I’ve said many times it is not to excuse but to explain.

Side Notes-Very Much Chenford

This will be Chenford related . I wanted a section to go over this glorious song 'The Ventura Exit.' Just wasn't room in the review to do it. So I'm doing it my side notes. More I listened to it the more it was perfect for this episode. Especially with what Lucy's is going through. It feels very much from her POV. The lyrics hit so much and have to be acknowledged IMO. First couple are just angsty musings from the song. They clearly aren't canon but evoked these thoughts in me. Others felt more canon driven.

"The first night I woke up four times on your side of the bed." This lyric could be said of the both of them. But this makes me think of her reaching out to his side in middle of the night. You know she probably still had on and off nightmares about DOD. Reaching out to him being a default for her. I could see that first night of their breakup this happening. This song put stuff in my head I had to get out lol

"Fighting muscle memory expecting a hand to be there when I reach out. Taking the Ventura exit to your house." This song is playing through out the rest of the episode. You can hear the lyrics if you really listen. I'm sure she fought the auto pilot to his house during that week as well. I know we only see them at her place but you know she was over there a lot too. Probably had her own drawer and all that. "I don’t hate you, but the more I think on it you let me down (You couldn’t see me. You stopped believing)" This encapsulates everything in this episode for Lucy. She doesn't hate him but he let her down SOOO much. He couldn't see her in their fight. He stop believing in them. Believing in her. So heartbreaking how perfect this song is. I wanna cry. "I miss you, I miss you, I’ll never forgive you. I wish I was with you I miss you I miss you I’ll always forgive you." I loved it ending on this lyric. Starts out with anger and never forgiving then it does. Because that is true of Lucy. She misses him so much but is so damn angry with him. But wishes she was with him. Which is why the ending lyric being that gets. me in the feels. We know she'll always forgive him. She loves this man too much not too.

I believe that's what we'll see in s7. Especially with him working on himself. That and giving her whatever doses she allows for him to show how much she means to him. This lyric made me hopeful for the first time since 6x05. If you don't have this song I highly recommend buying it. Not only is is perfect for this episode and them. It's just a REALLY good song. You can listen to it in full in the link I posted though. Thank you for all the likes, comments ( I LOVE comments don't be shy ha ) and reblogs. You are the reason I do these. I shall see you in 6x08 :)

[4dkellysworld]

When suffering happens

When unpleasant things happen in life, in an effort to understand it and find peace, we (our egos) often either try to find reason and understand why something happened/is so or immediately jump to conclusions and label it, often linking it to our identity like "oh it's because I am _____" or "it's because I did/thought/felt _____ which caused this, I shouldn't have done that!" or "This always happens to me ugh!!!" yet I find this habit ends up causing more harm than good and it is this self-identification that then ends up causing further spiralling and a pattern of similar events later in the future.

M: Detach yourself from all that makes your mind restless. Renounce all that disturbs its peace. If you want peace, deserve it. Q: Surely everybody deserves peace. M: Those only deserve it, who don't disturb it. Q: In what way do I disturb peace? M: By being a slave to your desires and fears. Q: Even when they are justified? M: Emotional reactions, born of ignorance or inadvertence, are never justified. Seek a clear mind and a clean heart. All you need is to keep quietly alert, enquiring into the real nature of yourself. This is the only way to peace. Chapter 8: The Self Stands Beyond Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Leave poor Vanessa alone and stop assigning her the responsibility and accountability of everything that the dream shows. The entire dream is all an expression of the Infinite Being, not hers (the ego) which she is just one more creation of. And it doesn't have to be your (the Self's/I AM's) dream anymore when you stop identifying with it.

This is why it's so important to let go of our ego, to let go of the unpleasant thoughts with indifference, reject any claim over them and detach any association with your I AM (the Self's identity) rather than intellectuallise what happened with the mind. You can cut it off and break the cycle right there.

Understanding this was truly the turning point that launched me into earnest and honest study of 4dbarbie's teachings and by extension, Lester Levenson and Nisargadatta Maharaj's teachings. I was just so sick of going through the same shit, being stuck in the trenches and going nowhere. At some point you're going to get so fed up that you just want to give it all up and not care about anything anymore.

The thing about nothing though is that it's the only thing that can take the shape of everything. 1

Isn't it so much more freeing to just say "fuck it all, it doesn't make sense and I don't care to think about it anymore. This isn't mine", let it go and move on?

Imagine you see a random couple out in public fighting about all their relationship problems openly. What goes through your head when that happens? For me, I go "phew yikes, I'm glad that's not me. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Not my problem", feel a sense of relief and gratefulness that it's not my burden to bear and move on with my day.

When nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your life, treat it the same way you do when nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your sleeping dreams for they are both I AM's imaginary creations. Just let it go, detach it from Self and move on - no matter what happens, it is not yours.

Important distinction: I am not saying to physically ignore your body and ego's needs, do what needs to be done but you (the Self) do not have to identify with it, you do not have to claim it as yours. You know it's not you and you are just observing everything, unaffected.

"When the mind is quiet, we come to know ourselves as the pure witness. We withdraw from the experience and its experiencer and stand apart in pure awareness, which is between and beyond the two. The personality, based on self-identification, on imagining oneself to be something: 'I am this, I am that', continues, but only as a part of the objective world. Its identification with the witness snaps." Chapter 6: Meditation - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Stop trying to find reason as you are only further sustaining its reality by doing that.

"By resisting evil, you merely strengthen it." Chapter 72: What is Pure, Unalloyed, Unattached is Real - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj "You may try to trace how a thing happens, but you cannot find out why a thing is as it is. A thing is as it is, because the universe is as it is". Chapter 4: Real World is Beyond The Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Just let it go. Letting go is what gives ultimate peace and freedom.

Not yours, remember? Repeat. Not yours. You won't lose your mind, you'll only lose your misery. See this world and the body as not real first. What is true is only what I AM is identified with, right now this body which is not in that TV show (your desired reality). Correct this first by letting go of thinking it's you 2

Just let go of the ego, that’s how simple it is.

[starshinesama]

✦ In such a lonely world, how I wished to see you again. ✦

Your pleas were heard.

Authors note: this takes place after any regular sagau fic, (probably imposter au). Reader is Gender-Neutral but B/N is an implied she/her :]

༄ CW: loneliness, cultish themes, angst (with comfort)

Part 1 | Part 3

- POV: after being so lonely in Tervat, - you meet someone from your world, - stranded, like you.

"...so let me get this straight. We got isekaid into Genshin impact. And all the playable characters think your a god, because of how much you played the game??"

"Yeah that's pretty much it"

...No way in hell. As if you'd actually say that! I mean seriously? You've already been through enough confusion, can't you have some peace and quite with your best friend, for one moment?

Alas, that moment would soon come to an end

.　⁺ . ✦　

Zhongli soon caught up with you, he was already struggling to catch his breath due to his old peepaw body and it looked like he just about had a heart attack from the shock of seeing you suddenly tackling B/N down in a hug like that.

"Your grac- [Name].."

Zhongli's eyes widened with confusion as he looks at the two of you awkwardly standing over the unconscious guard.

_

You awkwardly glance over at B/N for support, and she probably would have noticed, that is if she wasn't busy Staring at the gorgeous Geo Archon, you could even see the stars sparkling in her eyes as the the tall Geo Archon stand before her (you could have sworn you almost saw her drool too)

"Who is this?" Zhongli interrupts, burning holes into your skull as you avert your eyes from his piercing gaze Well shi- "well uhm!"

Unfortunately before you could finish that statement you too were cut off

"Oh wow, just wow. sorry, I just can't help but get distracted- bcs damnn you are hot- i mean is it hot in here? are you hot? i mean you are hot-“

…woww that girl is thirsty

B/N paused before continuing her sentence

“Mr. Zhongli? if you would consider my offer.. please come home with me instead of serving [Name] 🥰✨” (B/N said all this with a straight face)

you look over at Zhongli to see him freeze in his tracks, absolutely gob smacked from the initial shock

“oh.. ah, thank you miss..” phew! good job B/N, she distracted him!

You give a thumbs up to B/N as you sigh in relief

Phew, well that was close-

"As I was saying"

Oh.

You sweat as you fumbled trying to explain

"OH, WELL! "Youseeactuallysouhtherearemorepeoplewhereicomefromandthisthisismybestftiendwe'veknowneachotherforseveralyearssouhihopeyouwelcomeherasyoudidme!!" ⊹

..you fucked that up didn't you.

You fidgeted nervously, awaiting the Archon's response

"Ah..I see, and this poor guard unconscious on the floor-?"

Zhongli paused before continuing whatever nagging he was gonna berate you with after noticing you fidgeting with your clothes

"..ok then, so I'm assuming that you two have a history together then, yes?" he picked his words carefully, not wanting to further upset the two friends infront of him (not that it seemed anything could possibly ruin B/N's day at this point )

Wow! He actually managed to decode your rambling! ‧₊˚

You breath out a sigh of relief as a smile slowly creeps up on your face

"Mhm! I guess it's time I properly intruduce you two huh?"

"Zhongli, this is my best friend B/N! she's er, from my world, and I'm guessing she got here the same way I did?" you glance at B/N questioningly,

but you know there are better times to talk about that.

"And B/N this is-" "i know."

Oh right, B/N was as much of a genshin addict as you were

you sigh smiling slightly at Zhongli's baffled expression ⌒ .

Was he..jealous?

Whatever expression he was making quickly dissipated though as soon as you brought up that B/N might be another "god" like you.

Wait, another voice "playing" with them? Oh, right he remembers now, how could he forget?

"Ah, I see, welcome then, B/N" Zhongli greeted her, smiling ever so slightly, though this was enough to gain an admiring sigh from B/N

_

"Well..I kind of just.. fell from the sky?"

You were trying to get an explanation of how B/N got here in a curious attempt to try and find out if you can even go home, but so far it seemed like it was still hopeless

You sigh under your breath, leaving B/N concerned

"Hm? What's wrong?"

"No no, it's nothing, I just"

Oh who were you kidding, your scrambled emotions right now were way more than just "nothing"

Tears threatened to escape your eyes again and they were starting to prickle your eyes

"Oh.. are you ok-?"

B/N Sighed

"C'mon [Name], cheer up!! We'll definitely find a way to go back... so forget your worries and let's take full advantage and enjoy this Real Life! genshin experience"

B/N Smiled excitedly at you, beaming with excitement, patting your shoulder.

B/N offers you a hug that you gladly accept with open arms

Your tears soon stop trying to escape your eyes, as you think.. "I'm so glad..I'm not alone anymore" that brought a smile to your face. ₊ ˚ ⁺ ◌ ‧

"Anyways Zhongli is so much hotter in person like Damn!"

Oh right this was still B/N

A chuckle escapes your lips as you decide to join in and have your first "Genshin talk" in a while

"Ikr?! And omg lumine is so much prettier and buffer in person"

_˚ . ✦ ⁺ . ◌ ˚　

It was the first time in awhile you had a chat with someone from your world, or even a casual chat like this in general, You missed being able to just have a genuine laugh with someone you could relate with, God you missed all of your appliances, and your pets.. you missed them so much but you didn't have any idea if they were ok,

You're sure B/N would have taken care of them while you were gone, but now that she was here too you just hoped someone else took good care of them, wich brought up the question in your mind.. one that you've been desperately trying to avoid, how different is the time in tervat, and earth?

"So B/N.." You gulp down a lump of saliva that was piling up in your throat as you brace yourself for the answer

"how long has it been? Since I got here, I mean"

"Oh.. it's been, hmm, I'd say a day?"

you nearly jump out of your seat and B/N nearly jumps out of her skin herself from your sudden response

"Woah?! Uhm, Is it that bad? You just disappeared today and you weren't replying to my texts so I came over to check but you weren't there.."

You stand still for a moment unmoving, scaring the poor girl even more before suddenly exclaiming

"It's been.. nearly a month. but woahh!! So those analysis's of the ratio of Tervats time contrast to earths time were right!!.. huh.." you pause as you let B/N sit you back down onto the large rocks, that the two of you turned into benches

"Woah.. a whole month?! But Uhm, Earth to [Name]?? Are you good? Gosh you almost scared the life out of me!"

"Not that you had a life to begin with"

You joked as B/N stumbled back pretending to be exaggeratedly offended

"Har har. Your one to talk"

...Well to be fair it was kinda true.

The two of you stayed silent, trying to stifle back giggles, unsuccessfully.

Eventually you snort, and that was enough for fits of laughter to erupt from you, causing a chain reaction of B/N wheezing on the ground and hitting the dirt beneath her so hard that a nearby Dendro slime popped up from the ground, startled and confused

"HOLY SH*T!!" "AAAAAAAA-"

You scream in terror from the shock of the dendro slime suddenly popping out of the ground as B/N kicks the poor slime away from her as a reflex

"fu- oops.. uh, sorry little slime" The dendro slime unfortunately does not take her apology and retreats back into the ground with (what you assume to be) tears in its eyes, poor slime :(

You look over at B/N, baffled, She stays on the ground, defeated.

you sigh as you attempt to coax the dendro slime back by patting the dirt next to it gently

"Pspspspspspspspsps dendro slime?" Somehow this does not work. suddenly an idea pops into your head, like a tiny light bulb was switched on inside your head! ☆

sigh, c'mon B/N, lets just go B/N just looks up at you confused until you whisper your plan to her, to wich she nods in agreement and gets up, pretending to leave too

"Aw man! I was really looking forward to petting that dendro slime.." the dendro slime's Leaves(?) perk up

"Mhm.. same" the two of you swiftly turn your backs on the dendro slime, giggling as you wait patiently.

You hear the swaying of leaves and the dirt below you getting pushed out of the way and-!

"OWW-!!" in a blink of an eye the dendro slime body slams into B/N's shoulder, catching her off guard You burst out laughing but not for long as the dendro slime body slams into you as well knocking you to the ground

This time it's B/N turn to giggle as you look at the grumpy slime on your stomach, your stunned but realize it's asking for pets (now that it was able to get its revenge) and you happily Oblige ⌒.

Petting the dendro Slime calms you..

You close your eyes having a moment of peace.. untill

"Ouch!" Your finger snags on a sharp rock that was on the dendro slime

You look down at your hand and see golden ichor clotting at the tip of your finger, your breath starts to pick up but you calm down

"Oops, oh well.. atleast we can heal this scratch you have now" You rub some of the golden blood leaking onto the dendro slimes damage from B/N's kick, and as the area your blood touches glows, all the slime's wounds heal like they were never there

The slime gives you a happy smile and bumps against your forehead happily before hopping back off into the wild

You sit in silence for a moment, you haven't had to see that glistening liquid for days, but the dendro slime's peaceful vibes still stick with you as you sigh, sitting up

"..wha..What just happened?!" Oh crap you almost forgot B/N was standing behind you

"O-OH, uhm.. im not really sure how to explain this-" Your about to explain before you hear a familiar voice behind you

"Your grace!~" of course you always have to be interrupted don't you.

you can never catch a break can you? ✿

___

Hi again! Sorry this chapter took awhile to get out, its a little long because i wanted a special guest to help me write some of the lines, it got delayed because she was busy with school but its finally heree! thanks again to my irl best friend! <3

Taglist: @madokamagicaa

[mathoinyanarts]

Houseki no Kuni Sunday 2

Previous HNK Sunday |

MAJOR spoilers for episode 5-8 of Houseki no Kuni

So this time around I went ahead and made notes for each episode that I watched.

I am loving this season so much tbh, though a mutual keeps telling me that that its gonna get divisive way later. Honestly can't wait then

Episode 5

-Phos be needing a lot of help, like oof These people out here needing to fucking scrape them out of a shell, and now they gotta search a whole continent and ocean for them

-youz really a bitch for all of this Ventricosus And right as I was typing this she got her arm blown off, breh

-What did those Lunarians think they were going to do with their little pointy fire sticks on a giant ass snail monster??? I like the tendency of goons to just be stupid in most media lol

-Come on Cinnabar, they just came to you literally missing half off their body:(

(Story in 3 parts) -At least Kongo cares enough that even though Phos is practically useless, they still send out a team to find them. -Ok, I spoke too soon. He ready to kill a bitch -NOOOOOOO KONGO, DON’T TAKE THEM ENCYCLOPEDIA

-They is Ship of Theseusing this Gem, WTH -Poor Jade:( All of Phos's memories of them used to be stored neatly in their left ankle😔

-Them got zebra legs now lol

-FAST AS FUCC BOOOIIII

Other notes: So I was thinking more about Phos getting Ship of Theseus'd. This could be such a good message for, like, how much of yourself are you willing to get rid of just to fit in? To where you're nothing like who you originally were

Episode 6

-They still Nyoomin

-Yellow Diamond having their “What am I fighting for” crisis

-Lol, can’t believe they did Phos like that lol. Phos: “I like you, Sensei:)” Everyone else: D: Yellow Diamond:

-Oh no, they said Kongo’s trigger word: Humans

-Amethyst be like: Come play with us(:

-OMG, I love the Amethysts so much!

-.... (( <- reaction of somebody who always speaks too soon))

Other notes: Fr, Bort had every right to be mad en mi opinión

Episode 7

-Ok, phew, I’m so glad the Amethysts are ok

-They is hibernate

-They is dressed for the occasion

((Side note that I like this manga panel of the scene better))

((Bort does NOT have the patience for this shit))

-Ok, this is just so cozy of an episode

-Antarcticite getting a hug from sensei. My heart🥺

-OMG, Phos trudging through the snow is just me I relate to them more than I like to admit

-I feel there’s something more ominous about the Ice Screech

-Phos: “Have we tried reasoning with the Ice?”

-”The Ice speaks to me and tells me to do terrible things”

-Phos try to keep your limbs challenge, literally impossible

Other notes: Building off of what I mentioned earlier

Episode 8

-The Ice their greatest opp in this episode.

-I don’t think Kongo’s poor gem heart can take much more of this. Bro, just showed up with two entire arms missing. Imagine every time you let your kid out of your sight, they just show up with their skull bashed in

-Kongo comforting Antarcticite is what I needed today

-Giiirl, you are glittering No, like girl, the gold is taking over your body

-Phos: “Well I’m glad you’re alrigh-” Antarcticite: 🫠

-OH SHIT ANTARCTICITE IS STILL LOCKED IN🤫🧏‍♂️

-😭

((Side note, this would go so hard as a tattoo))

-Goddamn, didn't know this story was written by Gege. Fucking getting me attached to a character just to yank them away from me so soon😡

Ong tho, even though I'm so pissed at the anime for doing me like this, I'm still having such a fun time watching. Can't wait for the next HNK Sunday, and get ready for me to be obnoxious about a few Gem OCs I'm cooking

[tamsinbeybey-she-no-porcupine]

liveblog ghosts S5ep 5

this is it. The ep I'm fearing the most. I will cry and scream probably omg this is it isn't it.

Spoilers and feral babbling ahead probably

i am 1 sec in had to pause I'm so nervous about Caps death and my soft boy Havers

-annie-versary ☺️

-a new math meme from Robin😍

-i thinks it's gonna be a you don't connected shit Kind of EP xD

-oh phew Larry and Ben that's a relief

-a decapitated Doll how nice

-already kicked the bucket list 😂

-i am screaming Julian and Fanny 😂😂

-no rhythm? No legs 😂

-oh another Fan theory is adressed☺️

-"kitty ma Love" awww

-138

-nicht 😱

-i love Cap so much

-phew Julian for a Moment I thought He would be creepy

-walter🥰

-now His Body is Like a horse xD

-snuffles, Macy 🥰🥰 I need to Finish writing that one wip

-oh No this is where the flashbacks start

-oh No it isn't. Omg how Long is her Hair

-i want the flashbacks 🙁 I think.

-omg Fanny let her Hair down🥰

-ich bin so ufgregt omg Had to Stop again to whine to my sis

-fuck it's starting

-or Not

-why musst they tease me Like this

-atomic Kitty 😂

-awww Mike xD i know the Feeling though

-no sireeeee xD

-i scared 😂😂😂

-omg coming Out now maybe??

-pat Thomas hug😭

-pat🥲

-omg omg now it's starting

-he broke in omg

-omg omg omg that explains IT the little rascal

-holy fuck i am screaming i screamed Out loud Hes there Hes looking at him holy fuck

-the Sound I Made was Not human. It's him my babes my soft boy omg im so nervous

-he has scars now but they weirdly suit him

-i can't tell If He looked Happy or Not

-was will der Heini denn jetzt geh da weg !

-havers Looks nervous or displeased I can't tell

-oh Shit no. He Just wanted to see him again

-oh fuck it's a Heartattack. Thank god. The horrible stuff I imagined isn't true after all!

-hes running to him 😭😭😭😭

-i know😭😭

I am sobbing. For realsies my eyes are leaking

Anthony 😭😭 James 😭😭😭(aka Teddy)

The hands😭😭

Omg was ist Havers swaggerstick??!!

I am going insane

How soft He Said james. His soft little smile.He Loved him No one can Tell me otherwise

The tear in Cap's eyes

He couldn't even Touch His face because the Guys stood there and watched😭😭

I have to Update the how Havers smiled at him Post😭😭

Peter again with the microexpressions 😭😭😭😭😭

Poor Cap😭 poor Havers😭😭

I can already hear some say that this still doesn't Show If Feelings were reciprocated. I feel it does. Even without a tear from Havers.

I need a small pause i played this little Clip so many Times know

Cap broke into that Thing to See Havers again my Heart I am screaming

.

.

.

-Fanny 🥺

-could we Count him telling the Story in a way as coming Out?

-mike 🥰

-achy breaky Heart 😂

Cap's Dancing omg screaming again

-julian omg😂😂😂

-i love Green on alliaon

[vanilladaises-rp]

(tw: mentions of food, lmk if there is anything else! I worked a lot harder on this one so I hope you all enjoy it! Don't be afraid to ask questions! Also I'm so fucking happy I learned how to use the "keep reading" feature! Thank you for your support! 🫶🏻)

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐚𝐥𝐥

✧ 𝐍𝐚𝐯𝐢 ✧

Taking out the last batch of gingerbread cookies with a sigh, "Finished, now we wait." Felix said wiping his forehead with a "phew" motion. He had been working all afternoon on pastries and activities for the ball, baking desserts, setting up the ballroom and making any last minute adjustments. Earlier this week, him and Princess Chungha had decorated the whole castle inside and out, it was perfect, like a castle you can only dream out. It didn't matter how much time had passed, every time the castle was dolled and lit up it made his heart flutter. It may sound weird but he loved his kingdom and loved the history and memories it held within the walls.

This was no time to reminisce though, In just an hour his guests would arrive and begin to fill the empty festive halls. Once Felix was content with each room, he was lead to his chambers to change into his attire for the ball. It wasn't anything too flashy, he didn't want to overdress, afraid it may overwhelm his guests. It's silly, but Felix is an overthinker, he couldn't help but over observe every detail. The seemsist left his outfit displayed in his room once he arrived and left him with his dressers to change. It was a simple white button down with a brown sweater, and black shoes.

After adding some accessories, Felix headed down stairs and greeted his first guests. Princess Chungha, Jennie and Miyeon all three dress in beautiful dresses, colors canon to the theme of the ball, "Hello handsome Prince" Miyeon cooed dragging her finger across his cheek, sending him a wink. It had been awhile since they saw each other and with Irene out of the way, this was the perfect chance for her to have some alone time with him, "How about you show me around your castle?" She smiled linking her arm with his, making Felix's face heat up. Miyeon was stunning and confident but she secretly intimidated him and a was a little scared of her, "U-Um sure, I'll show both of you around" He quickly linked Jennie with his other arm, giving her a scared look with made her scoff and role her eyes, "This way" the poor prince gulped. He was already expecting to see (😆) tonight, so he didn't want Miyeon to get the wrong impression

While he was showing them around, a few more guest had arrived in some in sexy and some in cozy attire, "Wow, and I thought the outside was breathtaking . . . Look at this place" Agaped, Henry stood in shock staring at the castle's spectacular interior, smiling with stars in his eyes looking adorable in his cozy sweats. While on the other hand, Queen Sunmi stood their in her sexy fitting dress narrowing her eyes at the wizard as he gawked at Felix's decor, "Tch, I could do, . . No, correction, I have done better, this" she traced a circle in the air with her finger, referring to the decor "Is just a sliver of my capability" she scoffed in "as a matter of fact" tone with her arms crossed. "Don't listen to him" Jiwoo spoke up joining the two in her dress and black beret, "Henry is amazed by light switches, I know your ball would have been way better" She winked, linking arms as the Castle's Steward intrusted to sit in the dining hall, Henry stuck in a trance before following them.

"Anal makes your hole weak?" Seulgi repeated with furrowed brows trying to understand the punchline of Jungkook's joke. He chuckled at her puzzled face as she continued to think about it, "Cute" Jungkook mumbled, reaching to caress her face, that was until Soyeon pulled her back, "Sorry dear" She gritted her teeth, kicking Jungkook's shoulder blade making him fall forward and grunt in pain, "It seems I forgot to take out the trash before you came" hearing Jungkook groan in pain made her smirk, taking his place where he was sitting with Seulgi. She furrowed her brows but nodded with a smile, "Okay!" She agreed giving Soyeon a hug, making the tattooed women's eyes widened but soon she obliged and hugged her back "I'm Soyeon, what's your name dear?" She asked once pulling away, "stealing" Jungkook's move by caressing her hair, while an upset Jungkook sat there glaring at his friend "Fucking cockblocker" he spat , making Soyeon Scowl. Jungkook rolled his eyes until he realized, (🖕🏻) was coming tonight. They weren't super close yet, but he was excited to see her outside of the shop.

"How long are you going to stare her down? Lee know chuckled at Irene, the two of them sitting on one side of the carriage while Sana was on the other. Irene had pick the two of them up, insisting she'd give them ride, once they arrived, she park the car and rode the carriage up the hill to Felix's castle, "Until my eyes can burn holes in her skin" She mumbled back, making Lee Know laugh some more, Sana being completely oblivious of her staring as she was too in awe at the pretty scenery. Irene was very much aware that (🗝️) had been giving the pretty psycho more attention, following her like some lovesick puppy. It was revolting to say the least, after everything she had done for him, this is how he repays her? No, she will not accept that, Irene would set the whole world on fire if it meant having you to herself, "Well, I'll tell you one thing" spoke Lee know, breaking Irene away from her thoughts, "Sana may seem harmless, but she is more psychotic than she appears to be" He warned. Irene scoffed, rolling her eyes at his words, Irene didn't care how crazy the pink princess was, if blood needed to be spilt, so be it. "So am I" she whispered in Lee Know's ear as they arrived.

Entering the common room, Princess Chungha sat down on the couch with a sigh of relief, "See it's much more warmer in here" She smiled looking over at the fire. The princess had just arrived after picking up her two vampire friends, "Are you sure we won't get in trouble?" Mina chuckled sitting down next to her. The princess rolled her eyes and smiled back at Mina, "Don't worry, I helped him decorate and we're friends so he won't mind us snooping around" She grabbed Mina's hand to reassure her. The two chatting and giggling as Chungha told her how flustered Felix was when decorating "He was running around like chicken with its head cut off" Mina chuckled. While the two were conversing, Leo sat on the couch on the other side of the coffee table, he didn't seem shy or awkward, just quiet, "Your friend okay?" Chungha asked sending Leo a smile. The man was tall, handsome, and definitely her type, but he seemed a little too "tsundere" for her "Yeah he's fine" Mina looked at Leo, sending him a concerning look, wanting to make sure he was okay. In response Leo gave the two a small smile and nodded at Mina, assuring her he was fine "Just not much of a talk" She added.

"Awe she's your girlfriend?" Hongjoong smiled as the wolf showed him a picture of Joey (🥟). Matthew chuckled "No, not yet at least" He smiled "I've only met her a few times but she is sweet and funny" swiping through his pictures he lands one he took at your first dance practice, beaming at how cute you looked "And she's beautiful which doesn't hurt" Hongjoong chuckled and rolled his eyes. Matthew and Joey hadn't known each other long but he really did care for her and was excited to see her tonight, "She is a beauty" said a dark figure coming from behind the two. Bobby stood there staring at the picture on Matthew's phone. The wolf narrowed his eyes, feeling uncomfortable with Bobby's stare and the way he spoke about Joey. "Thanks, um" He looked at Hongjoong who was glaring at Bobby, "Ready to go?" The wolf got up and headed towards the door of Hongjoong's house, his first impression of Bobby was not the best so he made a mental note to keep an eye on him tonight, especially around Joey.

Everyone was almost here, just a few more and then the ball would begin. While waiting, all the arrived guests sat in the dining hall waiting to be served their meals, "You've only kissed her?" Nayeon chuckled, making the poor wolf's ears turn red, he bit his lips nervously "Well yeah, we've only been one date together?" Chan spoke with a puzzled face, he was confused on what the witch was declaring, "And you've only kissed her? Tch, if you don't rail her soon she'll get bored" Nayeon continued to laugh as they enter the dining hall, "Not everyone thinks about sex" spoke up an annoyed Changkyun. Nayeon had spoke the entire way here and needless to say to say, Changkyun wouldn't be upset if he never heard her voice again, "Is that true? Does Emry (🍓) really think I'm boring?" The puzzled Chan thought out loud. He knew things were still fresh with her but he never stopped to think if he was too cautious with their relationship, "If she didn't like you, she wouldn't be coming tonight" Changkyun patted Chan's shoulder, "Plus Nayeon is the worst person to take advice from when it comes to love" He scoffed making the wolf chuckle. His words definitely made Chan feel more relieved, but couldn't shake the thought off.

"We wouldn't have been late if you knew how to fucking give directions!" "It's not my fault you can't fucking hear!" "Would you two stop fucking yelling!?" The tattooed man sighed rubbing his temples. If Woosung would've known riding with two of the toughest men would lead into them arguing like a bunch of kids, he would've just rode with Soyeon. "We're in a goddamn castle for Christ's sake, I know were late but we're here now, so shut the fuck up and calm down!" Woosung was never one to yell, but until you have been in a car with Taehyung and Wonho, you won't understand the torture he has been through. "Whatever, I only came here for my friend" Tae rolled his eyes, he has never been good at making friends but tried his best for (🐶). Tae didn't want to cause a scene and embarrass her. "So you came here to fuc-" "Nope, we're not fighting again. You two need to chill" The tattoo artist sighed "Should've just stayed home" he thought. "There you are, I thought you all got lost" Felix smiled interrupting Woosung's thoughts, but his expression soon changed seeing the irritated looks on the mens face "Um, T-This way" He gulped.

˖ ࣪ . 🦢 ࿐ ♡ ˚ .

"Thank you everyone for coming" Felix spoke with a shaky voice, fixing his colar as Chungha smiled giving him a thumbs up. "Food is ready, but you are welcome to roam wherever you'd like" He stated more proudly this time, "We have the ballroom to dance, Projection rooms for films, and the spa is also open" Felix for the first time felt proud of himself for accomplishing such a big event, he planned out every activity, pastry and meal. "Please enjoy yourselves" The night has begun and he only hoped for the best.

tags: @idontlikelizards @honey-beaut @livealittleoc-cb @luxora @halloween-idols @nana-n-nono @angelsxdemons-cb @wiickedxgood @bunnybubchan @lowblotrp @moonlightchn @welcome-to-maniac @dia-oc @writingstuffandmore @zzzhoonie @k-venturetime @badbf-cb @evicted-oc @yanderexmuses @thisisnoteuropeanstyle @oc-honeys

These muses would like to see you under the mistletoe...

(🥟) Matthew, (🍓) Bang Chan, (🖕🏻) Jungkook, (🐶) Taehyung

(🗝️) Sana, (😆) Felix

[c-rose2081]

Alrighty, went and saw The Little Mermaid.

It was nice to have a theater with NO kids in it, as everyone is seeing Spiderverse so I could enjoy in peace.

Let me tell you. I went into this movie with ground level expectations. In the DUST. And I was pleasantly surprised. It was so enjoyable to watch start to finish, and there were plenty of moments that made me smile or frown.

The marketing of this movie did not do it justice. There were some incredible sequences, textures and CGI work here on background creation and cinematography (that final battle? PHEW I was tense). It’s a colorful film, not dark like I was expecting (though color correction in some areas is still needed)

Halle absolutely shined as Ariel, and I loved the supporting cast (yes, photo realism and all). Ariel and Eric’s dynamic in this movie was ADORABLE and I could actually imagine them falling in love quite quickly. Ariel is shown straight out the gate as curious and fearless, and Halle brings a wonderful, innocent beauty to her that captured my heart at once. Melissa (say what you’d like of her) did wonderful as Ursula — though I am sad that we didn’t get any actual drag queen rep), but you can’t expect to much from Disney in that regard.

NOW. I still stand by what I said before. The CGI movements in this movie are really…off. The tails are beautiful and look great in some shots, but just plain wonky in the next. Hair physics on Ariel looks ok, but on Triton and the daughters? YIKES. I would’ve liked to get more time with Ariel interacting with her siblings, as she does in the original movie/sequels, but I assume that may be open for the future.

Wasn’t impressed with Triton himself. I had a really rough time understanding his accent, seeing as he spoke low and had some echo in his voice which garbled up his lines. He also just wasn’t very likable which makes sense but his sudden change of heart still doesn’t make much sense to me (I think that’s just a story problem).

There were also some song sequences that I wasn’t impressed with, Under the Sea unfortunately being one of them. Obviously it’s hard to capture the atmosphere of the song without the use of traditional animation, but mixing a bunch of random animals all looking much too real together? It was disjointed and somehow still felt so empty. The prince’s song was ok but heavily auto tuned and boring visually. And do I have to say much about…eh, Scuttlebutt? Like I know you have Awkwafina but WHY? It was the worst part of the film in my opinion.

Part of Your World was great, as was Poor Unfortunate Souls and I LOVE Ariel’s song upon first arriving in the kingdom. Kiss the Girl was the same, even with slightly adjusted lyrics which are barely noticeable.

Summary: If you go into the movie looking for something to not like? You’ll find it. There are plenty of things wrong or in need of tweaking in this film. It absolutely isn’t perfect. But if you go into it with intent to enjoy, you will. There is nothing outright horrible about this adaptation. It follows the original CLOSELY, and once you get used to the odd cgi you lose sight of it. Most who really complain (oh, this movie is worse than the lion king blah blah blah) are either racist regarding Halle, or are people who lack the capacity for wonder and have the inability to look past flaws to enjoy an experience.

—

Rating:

Enjoyment: 10/10

Quality: 6.5/10

Music: 7/10

[atouuu]

Amethyst (a Silvercandle fanfic)

(Note from the author: putting something different here than on ao3,,but this is my first fic first off and this is only the first chapter here. ALSO BTW THIS IS VERY MUCH SILVERCANDLE FLUFF AS YOU CAN TELL FROM THE TITLE SO..if you dont like the ship this one isnt for you,, For more context i suggest you see it on ao3 but this spawned from a twitter thread between me and a mutual and basically its silver and candle and some other ii characters and my personal ships playin minecraft in candles attempts to cheer up silver during a rainy week,,constructive critisism is encourgaed since im very new to this so ye,,enjoy chapter on and here is the ao3 link to the fic as i will be updating it with the other chapters as time goes on so rn im just really testing the waters,,,OKAY ON TO THE FIC!!)

Chapter 1: A Rainy Week Ahead

Silver lay awake one night at hotel OJ; it had been raining for practically the whole day, and Silver usually was fine spending these particularly gloomy days for him in his hotel room reading (that is when Lightbulb wasn’t trying to get him to “cheer up”). Though, this time felt different...Silver didn’t exactly feel himself..this whole self betterment journey he’s been..feeling off.. According to the forecast it was gonna be like this all week, and Silver surely didnt have enough books (or emotional stability) to just stay in his room for a whole week. So he decided, instead of sleeping, he’d talk to Candle; even though she was definitely asleep by now…

Deep breaths …Silver Spoon thought to himself. He reached over to his bedside table to get his phone and opened the messenger app, but he hesitated. He hated seeming too clingy towards Candle…even if he knew, she did care about him..and love him..a lot…He didn’t just want to talk to her..he wanted to be with her, physically. Silver sat there, for at least 10 minutes, just staring, gazing, daydreaming, as he looked down at his phone in silence; the rain outside gradually beating down even harder on the window of the room. He winced at the sound of thunder. God he hated this. He really couldnt stand this much longer. He threw off the ugly orange covers of his Hotel OJ bed and hopped out of bed, dropping his phone in the process. “Whoops..” Silver Spoon said softly to himself ...praying and hoping to God that he didn’t wake Lightbulb…the LAST thing he would want in this moment was to be questioned. Silver could have seen her moving under the covers (though he was also wondering how she wasn’t suffocating by now) but she didn’t seem to have woken up.. “Phew…” That was close. He snatched his phone off the ground and walked to his closet and got the baby blue robe that Candle got for him and threw it on over his pajamas, opening the room door very gently and closing it as such before tiptoeing down the hall to Candle’s room. 

Unfortunately for Silver just as he was about to knock on the door; very hesitantly; BOOM, there was the thunder again, scaring the poor guy off his feet nearly, so if he wasn’t gonna go through with knocking before, he’d definitely done it now as he practically slammed his face and phone into the door, leaving him standing there in front of Candle and Goo’s room in a daze. Click click. “Silver Spoon…my dear, are you alright..?” Silver, standing there with his knees still shaking and his heart basically trying to beat out his chest, took a moment to register her voice… “Silver…” Candle gently rested her hands on his shoulders as she tried to calm him down, eventually patting his back and leading him into her room and onto her bed. Silver at this point had eased back into his senses as he sat. Candle, after gently closing the door as to not wake her roommate, sat beside him, a concerned look on her face it seemed, though it was difficult for Silver to make it out because, the lights in the room were off, the only light being the dimly lit night light Goo had plugged in on his side of the room, where he still lay soundly asleep. They sat on Candle’s bed in silence for a moment. “So..is something wrong?” Silver, of course, not wanting to admit to just..wanting to be in her embrace, instead of admitting it, he hesitantly wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in for a hug; resting his head on her shoulder in the process. “No..it’s nothing..” Silver said, though it was muffled considering his face was buried in Candles embrace, which she returned in response to his own. “Hm, right of course, you came all the way down the hall here, in the middle of the night, for..nothing, dear?” Silver groaned as he sat up; “Okay FINE it’s not nothing…I just wanted to..see..you..” Candle chuckled lightly, which was enough to give Silver even more of a warm feeling inside (than he already had from actually being with her now). “Oh Silver-” Another crackle of thunder. Silver shuddered and huddled even closer to Candle without even noticing; he paused and backed away for a moment, blushing out of sheer embarrassment. “..S-Sor-”  Before he could finish his needless apology though, she quickly but gently hugged him back with a soft look on her face as she looked up at him, still quivering. “I see what it is now…” Candle got up from the bed and took Silver’s hand; subsequently setting his pale white cheeks to a rosy pink shade yet again. He followed her out the door and down to the first floor and into the lobby. 

“Sit down for a moment.” Candle whispered, as she seated him onto the couch, going into the kitchen, and getting Silver a glass of water before sitting down next to him. “Need anything else..?” She switched on the TV which was, to Silver's dismay, playing the weather channel, to which Candle quickly switched to what seemed to be some kind of nature documentary. “I’m..quick alright, my dear..” A beat of silence passed, as Silver took a quick sip of water. “...Thank you..by the way..I know it is rather…late…” Silver, getting comfortable and crossing his legs criss-cross-apple-sauce style on the couch while gently resting his head on Candle’s, considering their height difference, chuckled lightly before yawning. “Oh wow, so you’ve come all this way just to fall asleep again?” Candle snickered as she leaned in towards him, awaiting a response. “Well, it is rather difficult to sleep when the rain outside is practically trying to break in with how hard it’s pounding on my window!” Candle chuckled at this even more, resting her head on his shoulder. “Oh Silver…this week is surely going to be a wild ride for you, hm?” Silver crossed his arms and scoffed at this, but ultimately sighed and chuckled. “I suppose I could..use some new ways to occupy myself…”; remarked Silver. Candle paused to think for a moment. “A new way to occupy yourself huh…” Candle scanned the room for a moment; and again…and yet again. One more time; ding, there it was. She had it. “I have just the plan. That is if you’re willing to strengthen some bonds..?” Silver gave her a very clear look of confusion as the two layed eyes on the console, which belonged to Pickle, on the entertainment stand below the TV. What on earth did she even mean by strengthening bonds..?? “..And that is supposed to mean what exactly, my dear..?”; Silver wondered. “Oh, you’ll see, trust me, it’ll be fun.” Despite the obvious confusion conveyed by Silver, she got up and began to head upstairs. “You stay here, I’ll be quick.” “C-Candle..” She was already up the step before he could raise his voice. “Well..I do suppose she did say she’d be.. quick …” A blanket of silence fell across the room. BOOM; another crackle of thunder. Silver jumped, pulling his legs closer into his chest and he waited eagerly. Speaking of blankets..he really could have used one right now…

(Note from the author AGAIN: thaks for reading all this, if you have thoughts dont be hesitant to lmk really i do wanna know what people think IK THIS IS VERY LONG WINDED AND OFF FOR WHAT I'VE POSTED ON HERE BUT BEAR WITH ME THIS WAS ACTUALLY KINDA FUN..if you want me to post any other chapters here i will anyways..have a good day/night <3 -Atou)

[akuaya-eng]

(Main story) Chapter 4 - Episode 5

- PRECIOUS PLUSHIE -

Tis

Kai's room is so relaxing…

Kai

… Don't get too comfortable in my room. We're just here to pick up something I forgot.

Tis

Come on~, let's take a little break.

Kai

No. We need to report to Mere that we've finished purifying the lecture hall.

Tis

We have time. We're not taking a nap, just sitting for a bit. Kai must be tired from the purification too.

Kai

Sigh… fine. But only for a little while. If Mere comes to check the lecture hall, we'll get caught immediately.

Tis

I know. If there's anyone who knows how to slack off without getting caught, it's me.

Kai

Yet you always get caught…

Tis

Haha, true! But Kai, your room is always full of plushies. Did you get more?

Kai

Yeah. I made them.

Tis

Oh, this one's new. Hey, doesn't this face look a bit like me?

Kai

… Not at all. You're imagining things.

Tis

Hmm , I guess so.

Kai

Hey, how long are you going to stay here? If we don't leave soon, Mere will--! Tis, get off the bed!

(Curse appears)

Tis

What!? There's a curse in a place like this… Phew, that was close.

Kai

Ah…!

Tis

What's wrong, Kai?

Kai

… I dropped a plushie near the curse. It was an important one, from brother Rath…

Tis

Oh… right. Brother Rath gave that to Kai.

Kai

Tis? What are you doing…?

Tis

I'll get the plushie for you. I can easily avoid that level of curse.

Kai

Don't be stupid. That's too dangerous.

Tis

It's fine. It's important to you, right? I'll get it for you.

Kai

… Are you serious? Tis knows what happens if you touch a curse, right? You'll lose your memory--

Tis

It's okay. I don't remember much from before anyway. Losing more won't make a big difference.

Kai

No…! Wait, Tis!

Tis

See, I'm almost there-- (curse surrounds Tis)

Kai

Tis!!

(curse gets purified)

Tis

What...?

Tuner

Kai, Tis!

Mere

Are you both okay?

Kai

Y-Yes…

Mere

Oh, thank goodness. If something happened to you, Mere wouldn't be able to survive. Come here, both of you. You poor things… it must have been frightening. Why did you do something so dangerous, Tis?

Tis

I just wanted to get Kai's precious plushie…

Mere

I see, Tis wanted to make Kai happy. I'd like to say that acting out of love is admirable, but-- you have something to reflect on. Do you know what it is?

Kai

… We didn't report that we finished purifying the lecture hall immediately.

Mere

That's one thing. But the most important issue is something else. Even though you guys are angels, you were swayed by your own emotions. That's what you truly need to reflect on. Kai became overly attached to a plushie. Tis cared so much about Kai that he did something unreasonable.

Tuner

Well, was it really that wrong?

Mere

Yes. Angels must not have unnecessary emotions. We must have unwavering hearts for the mission given by the Lord.

Kai

But Mere, that plush toy is from brother Rath--

Mere

Attachment is not love. Remember that well, both of you.

Tis

Yeees…

Kai

… Yes.

Mere

Anyway, I confirmed with my own eyes that you finished purifying the lecture hall. It must've been a low of work. Now, I have another task for you. It's a very important job.

Tis

Eh, lready?

Kai

What is it, Mere?

Mere

You must monitor the Earth. Watch over Dia at Colchicum Castle and Claude at the Aquilegia Empire.

Tis

Surveillance~. Well, it's better than a lecture.

Mere

Do it seriously. I'm worried they might be up to something suspicious.

Kai

Okay, I understand.

Mere

Tuner, will you accompany them as well?

Tuner

Me too?

Mere

Yes. It's embarassing as a parent, but I'm worried that something like this will happen again if it's just the two of them.

Tuner

Understood. I'll stay with them.

Tis

…….

Kai

…?

Mere

Then, please take care of them. Kai, Tis, do your best. (walks away)

Kai

… Tis, what's wrong? You looked at me weirdly earlier.

Tis

Hmm. Doesn't something seem off?

Tuner

Off? What...?

Tis

It's not unusual for Mere to give us tasks, but having you come along too seems suspicious.

Kai

Now that you mention it… We've done monitoring before, so it's a bit unexpected that he asked you to come with us.

Tis

Maybe Mere is doing something secret without us knowing!

Kai

Aren't you overthinking it?

Tis

I don't know~. Mere sometimes has plans we can't understand.

Tuner

Now that you say that, I am a bit curious…

Tis

See! Let's follow Mere and find out. Secret spy mission, sounds fun!

Kai

… It just sounds like you want to skip work.

Tis

Come on, if we stay here, Mere will leave. Let's go, both of you!

Kai

Ah… Wait a minute, Tis!

Tis

Hey, are you still hesitating? We'll do the monitoring properly later.

Kai

No, look. The curse…! It's not fully purified yet.

Tis

Whoa. Then, Kai, stay back. I'll purify it this time.

Kai

What are you saying… Tis, stay away from the curse. If it happens again--

Tuner

Kai. Can you tell me why you want to keep Tis away from the curse so much?

Kai

Tis lost his memory before from the shock of being exposed to a curse.

Tuner

His memory…!?

Kai

Yes. If he touches it again, it will likely happen again.

Tis

It's not like I'll forget everything, so it's fine.

Kai

… It's not fine!! I was really scared back then…!

----------

Tis

Hmm…

Kai

… Tis! Tis, are you okay?

Tis

… Huh? What was I doing?

Kai

You touched the curse and collapsed. You were trying to make me laugh…

Tis

What are you talking about? I wouldn't do that.

Kai

What…? Tis? What do you mean?

Tis

Kai? What's wrong? You look scared.

Kai

Tis, could it be--

----------

Kai

--If Tis touches the curse, I'm sure his memories will go back in time again. All the time we've spent together, all the new memories. It will be as if they never happened. Do you understand how terrifying that is? Even if Tis is fine with it… I can't go through that again. So, please, don't do anything reckless.

Tis

… Okay. If it bothers Kai that much, I won't do it. So, let's purify it together. Is that okay?

Kai

Fine, but stay behind me. It'll be troublesome if I have to protect Tis.

Tis

I know! Come on, let's do it!

[grapejuicegay]

crazy theory time! Hello, I hope you don't mind me trying to formulate thoughts by clogging up your asks haha (sorry in advance, love your eclipse posts and you feel super approachable!) But I've been having Thoughts I was hoping to soundboard off someone. I've seen a lot of people mention that in the first trailer there was a glimpse of Akk going off the cliff. I'm pretty sure the show will have a happy ending so I tried not to take it too seriously. But, PT1

[...contd.] But after what they pulled with the imagined kiss, and all the times Aye has imagined (or relived?) Dika doing the same, I'm seeing that scene in the trailer WAY differently. Do you think maybe that's from something Aye had a nightmare about? More and more we've been seeing Aye push his own mission and intentions to the for Akk's sake (such as not exposing him as 'the curse') And more and more we've been seeing Akk despair with what's right and all the pressure and manipulation he's under. We already know Aye hates lying (I don't think he's ever fully lied on the show in fact! He's avoided questions with deflection but never and outright lies about himself) and I think that's because he values the truth so much, maybe something he learned from Dika? He keeps asking Akk to tell the truth in more ways than one (the curse, Akk's feelings for Aye, etc.) Which brings me to my crazy theory... We've seen that Aye is so desperate to keep from losing anyone   the same way he lost Dika, that he'd do just about anything. But I think  that will lead Aye to do something totally against his original mission  to keep from losing Akk at any cost, even if it means sacrificing  himself. But that's going to mean Aye will lose himself in the process. I  do think there's a HEA, so phew! But the pain for Aye ahead breaks my  heart! :( Though, in good news - I think Akk will be the one person that  can get through to him at a time like that. I think Akk will be able to   bring Aye back with telling Akk the truth about how he feels about him   (maybe a parallel of the "I love it when..." scene?). And if that's the case, I might burst into tears haha. Anyway! Thank you for entertaining  my rambling! Hope it wasn't too much of a bother, and have a lovely day!  :) ❤️ 

Hi anon!! Thank YOU for giving me a chance to talk about The Eclipse even more!

I agree, I’ve been thinking for a while that Akk going off the cliff was Ayan’s nightmare. But with the last ep establishing that the nightmare is a result of Ayan’s guilt that Dika died because they left him alone basically confirmed it for me.

We already know Aye hates lying (I don't think he's ever fully  lied on the show in fact! He's avoided questions with deflection but  never and outright lies about himself) 

I don’t know if you’ve seen this wonderful meta by @liyazaki but it goes over Ayan not lying and his thought process when his mother asks if he’s going to leave her too better than I ever could put it.

I hate the thought of Ayan sacrificing himself (hasn’t the poor boy been through enough) but I could see him doing it. I’m hopeful it won’t go that way for several reasons though!

The first is this clip from the eclipse special at 5:49 where Akk and Ayan seem to have released some sort of project together. I’ve convinced myself at this point that it’s them working together to expose Suppalo. I may be totally wrong but until the show tells me that explicitly, I’m hanging on to it.

And the thing is... I don’t think Ayan protecting Akk would go against his mission. His mission, as far as we’ve been told is, “I’m going to wreck Suppalo and they’re going to make up for the shit they did.”

The shit they did includes what they’re doing to the students, and includes the intense brainwashing Akk is under. Hell, Ayan’s even told Akk to his face that he’s never met anyone as brainwashed as him.

The really really beautiful part of their relationship for me is that the only secret there is between them is that Dika is dead. There are no secrets set up to break them apart for a last minute separation - Akk being the curse could easily have been that. No, they both know since the very beginning that Ayan knows that Akk is the curse. They’ve talked about it plenty, even.

And Dika being dead, instead of a traitor that left them to work at another school? I think that is something that would bring them even closer together, maybe even help finally convince Akk that maybe, just maybe, his school’s reputation isn’t the most important thing and that sacrificing himself for it doesn’t really help anyone.

I’m really nervous about how all of this is going to play out especially considering that there’s only 4 episodes left but they’ve given me no reason to not trust them so far

(I also still fully believe that Akk thinks the curse is real and him acting as it keeps it at bay and - not to trust the previews but - I’m hoping the next episode is going to address that)

Honestly, more than Ayan I’m worried about the road ahead for Akk. His entire worldview is set to be shifted entirely and not only does he have that to consider and where his morals stand in relation to that, but also his entire future. He’s constantly under so much pressure and keeping so many secrets I really don’t understand how he hasn’t fully crumpled already.

Not that it’s going to be easy for Ayan. Assuming he does get his revenge, he’s going have to finally process the grief of losing Dika outside of anger. Once again, he needs so many hugs. Just, constantly someone hugging him. Maybe people taking turns to do so while he’s busy clinging to Akk like a koala

AND A PARALLEL TO THE I’LL TELL YOU MY FEELINGS SCENE. If there’s any sort of variation on that, let me tell you I won’t be talking about it. Because I’ll already be dead. I’ll be found paused at that scene and it would be a happy way to go tbh. Idk about you but I’m not prepared (I need it now)

Thank you for your ramblings, I loved reading them! As you can see, we love rambling thoughts in this house 🥰🥰🥰

[for-dramas-sake]

The Starry Love ep 25, 26 thoughts

YOUQIN IS BACK. I don't need to say anything else...JUST KIDDING.

Fair warning though: Most of this LONG post is fawning over Youqin. Don't say I didn't warn you.

The beginning of ep 25 made me so tense. Girl, just tell them before things escalate--too late.

Gotta hand it to Qingheng. He knows how to end things with a bang! (evil smile) I love this.

MY EMOTIONS! This is the beginning of the end of the soul shard arc and I'm conflicted. I love these 3 and my heart breaks when they learn the truth. But then Youqin is going to come back. Let's get through these tears, guys! (reaches for a tissue)

Chaofeng and Qingkui really should just run away and start a family away from the Void realm. They could have the happy ending they freaking need. I can see that happening! Let's make it reality. P.s. Bring Haichou

Every time that guy with a moustache shows up: Aren't you supposed to be dead? Was that explained earlier?

The two baby-faced Immortals show up and this their backup? No. The true backup is the soul shards! 3 men protecting their woman? That's romantic.

Once again Youqin is doing a selfless sacrifice: his soul shards give up themselves for her. This getting to be a very bad habit!

Youqin is coming back!!!!!!! My Immortal Turtle! He's got the same deadpan expression and he's still powerful. Phew!

Dingyun just died? I didn't expect that moment of sacrifice from someone like him.

I am legit, no lie, crying. Those 3 saying goodbye breaks my heart. Excuse me a moment while I sob in the corner.

Yay…Youqin has no emotions! The Immortal Realm will be rejoicing tonight. Bring out the wine.

Between you and me, the turtle DEFINITELY has his emotions and he's in love with her. Those eyes don't lie. And Yetan is in love with him no doubt.

I never liked the Immortal Emperor. It was his constant constipation face that irked me and that fact that he's willing to throw his son to the Guixu because "he's earned it".

I knew he remembered everything, and he knows Yetan's true identity. I'm just an emotional mess right now!

Admittedly I put off any attachment to Chaofeng and Qingkui because Youqin was coming back, but now that he is back, I can say: the Void couple are super cute. I wish them happiness no matter short it is.

Short complaint: Heavenly/Immortal clothes are boring as hell. It's just pastels and various shades of white. They do this all the time with fantasy dramas. (shakes head) Come on, let's do something different. But this clothes-changing-scene is adorable. Poor dragonfly guy, he can never win.

(gasps) The hugs! My heart is rollercoaster: first, the tears now the heart palpitations from the adorableness radiating off the Immortal couple! And he's Immortal Turtle, but out his shell. (I will keep this analogy up for as long as I darn well, please. And yes, I wish I could have thought of turtle references for Foxy and Greed, but I couldn't.)

It's going to be impossible for our lovebirds to keep their dates a secret. Youqin is doing a terrible job at keeping his emotions in check, now that he has them. And Yetan has literally never been doted on, so you know she loves this.

I totally see the 3 shards in the new Youqin. He's a mixture of all 3 and still has some traces of the old turtle. Again, Chen Xingxu does a phenomenal job playing so many different characters.

The Void Queen is going after Chaofeng and the Void gang. Haichou is trying to do the right thing by keeping all news from his friend, but Chaofeng is still the little schemer. I bet he'll sneak out and draw the army away from Qingkui or something like that.

Here are the links to my thoughts on previous episodes:

23, 24 / 21, 22 / 19, 20 / 17,18 / 15,16 / 13,14 / 11, 12 / 9, 10 / 7, 8 / 5, 6 / 3, 4 / 1, 2

[menotthatkindoforc]

Harrow the Ninth Part 14: chapters 50-51

Poor Gideon thinks she's a side character, to the point where she can't fathom meeting Jod.

Wait, Wake was bound to the sword? But why though? Trying to use Harrow to open the Tomb?

My heart is breaking for Gideon. All those times of wishing goodbyes to her mom's cell for THIS.

Oh good. Eat shit, Wake. And Cytherea too for that matter. (If you can't tell, if you hurt Gideon you earn my unending anger.)

Okay, Gideon's the child of God, half the Lyctors are traitors, and Gideon I looks entirely different now! What is happening?!

At least I now know why Gideon didn't die to sickness like all the other babies. God blood.

The dad joke is very in-character and I hate it.

Phew... I wondered if A.L. was Alecto and had a vague idea that she might be a cavalier, but I did NOT see the eye color thing or Mercy and Augustine's motivations coming.

Mercymorn, what the -?! You done murdered God!

.

[papillon82fluttersby]

Eurovision 2023 - My ranking

Phew, I had to rush to whip up this ranking before @docholligay ’s two-day event. (Starting tomorrow! Don’t miss it!!)

I based my ranking on the stage performances when available, as I think they are closer to the final products. Let's do this!

37. Denmark - Reiley - Breaking My Heart

Are 12-year-olds allowed in the adults’ competition now? Baby-faced cutie pie got his heart broken by his meanie girlfriend. Never mind the kid’s heart, the excessive use of autotune and choppy chorus is breaking my brain 😖. Last place due to sheer auditory discomfort.

36. Ireland - Wild Youth - We Are One

We’re all different but we all live together and ain’t that beautiful blah blah blah. So trite. A snoozefest. (But we're wearing masks! Isn't that cool? No. Not nearly as cool as last year's space wolves.)

35. Romania - Theodor Andrei - D.G.T. (Off and On)

Skin on stage. I think if you feel the need to put largely-naked dancers on stage as ‘entertainment’ for the audience, it doesn’t speak well of the quality of your song.

34. San Marino - Piqued Jacks - Like an Animal

Menagerie on the dancefloor, or man woos his ladylove with such enticing lyrics as “I can smell you like an animal” – classy. C’mon, baby, let’s romp in the zoo. 🐍🦋🐒🐘🐫🦌🐙🦤

33. Poland - Blanka - Solo

High school girl clique strives to imitate trendy American pop idols – and fails spectacularly due to lack of vocal or dancing talent (the national final performance is particularly painful to watch and listen to).

32. Georgia - Iru - Echo

I have two working theories here: either the song actually means something in Georgian and they used a machine translator that turned it into nonsensical English; or they picked random words in a dictionary and vaguely connected them in a semblance of sentences.

31. Serbia - Luke Black - Samo mi se spava

A tormented lock-in gamer’s anguish about the scary world outside. The staging is just as jumbled and jarring as the electro sounds.

30. Israel - Noa Kirel - Unicorn

This song is about harnessing the power of a unicorn, which apparently entails heavy use of autotune, acrobatic dance moves, and transformation into a centaur (the music video producers really need to shape up on their mythical creatures).

29. Lithuania - Monika Linkyté - Stay

This song about overcoming difficulties doesn’t have much for itself. The mantra repeated during the chorus gets quickly annoying. The lady singer looks very sweet and earnest, though.

28. Switzerland - Remo Forrer - Watergun

Young man has a grand realization and acknowledges that real war is nothing like playing pretend as a kid. Well duh.

27. Cyprus - Andrew Lambrou - Break a Broken Heart

Poor guy got dumped by mean girlfriend and is sad 😢. But worry not, he will overcome this hardship because “you can’t break a broken heart.” That’s about as deep as the lyrics go.

26. Greece - Victor Vernicos - What They Say

Self-pitying guy hates everything and himself. Don’t listen to this one if you’re already feeling low. There’s a real tonal shift between the downright depressing lyrics and the rather upbeat tempo. Also, throughout the music video, my main thought is that I want to give the guy an umbrella and a plumber’s contact details to save his flooded sitting room. ☔

25. Latvia - Sudden Lights - Aija

Indie rock band aims to soothe his weary listeners’ hearts who ache from being confronted to the big bad world out there. (And apparently, based on the music video, the main singer gets drowned by his followers for his efforts.) Sleep-inducing, which, admittedly, is the whole point of the song.

24. Slovenia - Joker Out - Carpe Diem

Group of young people dances all night long to forget about their everyday’s boring routine. The song does a good job translating daytime dreariness into music, but the chorus is too one-tone to convey night-time exuberance. Generally boring.

23. Netherlands - Mia Nicolai & Dion Cooper - Burning Daylight

Existential angst about screwing up and rising again. Since this is a male and female duo, I think they could have done something much more interesting with both of their voices by giving them different melodic lines that would complement each other instead of having them sing either individually or in unison. A missed opportunity.

22. Iceland - Diljà - Power

If ESC 2022 was the year of heartbreak, 2023 is the year of toxic relationships – this is the third song on this theme (after Denmark and Cyprus, and we can also add the UK). This one is kind of underwhelming at first, but does pick up power over time. Singer is cute as a button and has a nice energy on stage.

21. Armenia - Brunette - Future Lover

Sweet little girl makes a wishlist about what she’d like in a future boyfriend. The song starts off sweet and cute, then picks up pace in the middle, but the chorus is incredibly repetitive.

20. Azerbaijan - TuralTuranX - Tell Me More

A song about the importance of communication in a relationship. Evidently a worthy aim. For which we needed to resurrect the Beatles, interspersed with rap segments. The trouble is that the resurrected Beatle keeps asking his BF to share his feelings while saying nothing about his own, and though his rapper boyfriend does express himself, I fail to understand what his actual feelings are. Not so great communication after all.

19. Austria - Teya & Salena - Who the Hell is Edgar?

Satiric critique of the music industry. The chaotic energy is strong in this one. Fun, though.

18. Albania - Albina & Familja Kelmendi - Duje

Distraught daughter laments the loss of family time caused by the vagaries of modern life. Said daughter’s family perform as backup singers on stage. Heavens, Albina is SO dramatic, she would rip her heart out on stage and offer it to us still pulsing and bleeding if she could. Meanwhile, some of the accompanying family members look vaguely uncomfortable, like they’re wondering what they’re doing there. Rather hilarious on the whole.

17. Croatia - Let 3 - Mama ŠČ!

PUTIN EAT MY A** TRAAAKKKTOOORRRRR. Charlie Chaplin’s The Dictator meets the Village People. It’s a whole thing.

16. Czechia - Vesna - My Sister’s Crown

Woman empowerment anthem. I’m really curious what the staging will be like for this one.

15. Belgium - Gustaph - Because of You

LGBTQ+ inspirational anthem put to 1990s retro sounds.

14. Malta - The Busker - Dance (Our Own Party)

Kid who’s uncomfortable with noise and crowds leaves large venue to continue the party with a select few friends in a more comfortable setting (honestly, that’s me). Sax-heavy jazzy/funky tunes. They’re doing some interesting stuff with the staging, using props a little bit like a theatre play.

13. Moldova - Pasha Parfeny - Soarele și luna

Local shaman is planning his wedding to his destined bride, blessed by the sun and moon – all very mystical. Between the chanting women and the ethnic flute, it’s difficult not to see this as a mix of France’s and Ukraine’s entries from last year, although this is hardly the only number inspired by folklore over the years.

12. United Kingdom - Mae Muller - I Wrote a Song

Young woman who was wronged by a dirty cheater redirects her energy towards a creative outlet instead of giving in to her negative and destructive feelings. Fun and peppy britpop.

11. Finland - Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha

Crazy person on a boxing ring invites you to a night of boozing and getting smashed. Did I mention the crazy? This song is a terrible influence: the more I listen to it, THE MORE IT GROWS ON ME, SEND HELP!

10. Germany - Lord of the Lost - Blood & Glitter

Glam metal rock band sings about the multifaceted nature of humankind. Or something. This is absolutely not the kind of music that appeals to me, and yet I can recognise that the song has its merits – it’s not all one-tone loudness, and the singer has a nice voice when he deigns to sing rather than screech.

9. Ukraine - Tvorchi - Heart of Steel

Unsurprisingly, Ukraine sings about resisting in the face of adversity. Honestly I would have been happier with Ukraine winning last year with this song instead of Stefania. The Ukrainian lyrics look like they’ve been thrown in like an afterthought though. The staging uses some interesting visuals, although the crossed-out nuclear symbols are very much on the nose; I’m sure there would be a way to convey the same idea more elegantly.

8. Australia - Voyager - Promise

Australia invites you to go out and explore the world. They’re not trying to out-eurovision everyone else with grandiose performances this year and it’s working out for them.

7. Estonia - Alika - Bridges

The lady can sing. Self-reflexion is good for the soul, says the lady. The song starts soft and ends up strong, with some changes in pacing in-between. I like the melodic line, particularly in the lower registers, as well as the “round and round” effect of the chorus, like a carousel.

6. Sweden - Loreen - Tattoo

This is SO formatted for Eurovision. It’s not like it’s a bad song but I feel like I’m being spoonfed pre-packed expected winner material. Also, the melody of the opening lines reminds me very much of ABBA’s The Winner Takes It All. Coincidence? Homage? Poaching?

5. France - La Zarra - Evidemment

La grande glam queen. I’m still bitter that she was just nominated by the French Eurovision organisation, robbing us of an evening’s fun and the opportunity to vote. O the irony of going to Canada to pick an artist who claims to sing, quote, “la Grande France” (as if that is even a thing). But, okay, I’ll admit that she has a great voice. And the song is a good mix of oldie tunes and modern sounds.

4. Spain - Blanca Paloma - Eaea

Poetry on stage. Haunting in the best possible way. And they're doing interesting stuff with the staging. Love it.

3. Portugal - Mimicat - Ai coração

Woman falls into madness waiting for her lover. The successively increasing and lowering pace gives a lot of dynamic to this number that looks like it could belong to a musical. The staging and dancing is laid out like clockwork. Very engaging and entertaining. (How did this rank so high? I liked the song okay when I first listened to it, but to make it to the top three…)

2. Norway - Alessandra - Queen of Kings

A banger. I dare you to listen to this song and not be ready to run to battle with a cutlass between your teeth. A rousing anthem that takes its roots in sea shanties and female empowerment. For some reason, the music video took inspiration from the flurry of dystopian YA books and movies from a few years ago. Go figure.

1. Italy - Marco Mengoni - Due vite

When I started listening to the songs to do this ranking, I fully expected that the struggle for top place would be a battle of queens between Norway, Spain, France and Estonia (Portugal sneaked up on me). And yet here comes Italy. Damn it, Mengoni could sing whatever he likes with this dulcet voice full of emotion and this luscious language – I would follow. The Pied Piper of San Remo! One remark though: the video from the national performance is 4 minutes long whereas the Eurovision piece will have to be cut down to 3 minutes – what will that do the flow of the song? We'll have to wait and see.

So there you go, that’s my ranking! Happy Eurovision season, everyone!

[taegularities]

Heyyyyy rid I hope ur taking care of urself 🩷 and I’ve been busy this past week but I’ve seen how u said ur going to get busier and you’ve gotten some poor news on ur health, I hope u allow urself some rest and take whatever break you need to.😁 also I think absence makes the heart grow fonder and I am so down to wait however long for the next cmi part🫠🫠 plus it’s almost summer and i can’t wait till the flowers really start to bloom and I can take walks all day long. That was so off topic, but I hope ur just feeling okay 👍 and doing what ur heart pleases (don’t worry about us too much😂)

Also I’ve been going thru severe pcd since yoongi’s concert, I miss him so bad 🙁🙁 now it’s time to reread sweetener🫠

-⭐️

awh, you're so sweet :( yes, i'm trying my best to organise my week efficiently and been resting a lot, too. thank you, and i hope you've been okay as well 🥺 yee, i agree !! though, i shall still try to not let y'all wait for too long, bc i'm getting impatient, too. there's so much to tell about them >:(

RIGHT, you went to the concert !! i just know you had the best time bc i saw clips, gifs and pics and... phew :') also star, i might be forgetful, but i didn't know/couldn't remember that you read sweetener, and now i'm shy lol i loved writing that one so pls enjoy heheh 🥺🤍