#playing with the colors was the best part

[adriennebarnes]

First Date

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Hispanic/Latina Single Mom! Reader

Summary: Charles decides to take Y/N and Vidia out for dinner to celebrate his podium in the Canadian Grand Prix

Warning: spelling and grammatical errors

A/N: so @barcelonaloverf1life commented say that they wanted more parts to “meet and greet” so I was thinking of writing a collection of one-shots that fit in the fanfic universe of Charles dating a single mom if you’re interested

Vidia and Y/N we’re in the hospitality waiting for Charles outside his driver’s room. He came out wearing jeans and a button down shirt.

“Oh, do I look okay for wherever you’re taking us?” Y/N asked.

“Yes, you look great. And so do you Vidia, can’t forget about the little princess. We could just go to a diner.” Charles suggested

“Don’t you have a diet to stick to?” Y/N asked

“They have salads there.” Charles said.

“But you NEED to try a milkshake.” Vidia said, tugging on Charles pants.

“I most certainly will try a vanilla milkshake.” Charles told vidia. They walked to the car that Charles rented. “Now I’m glad I rented a 4 person car.”

“Quick question, are you sure your team principal will be okay with you going out tonight?” Y/N asked.

“As long I make it on time for practice 3 and qualifying tomorrow, I’m sure everything will be fine.” Charles said. He unlocked the door, opening the back door to help Vidia get in, closed it, and opening the passenger door for Y/N to get it.

“Always the gentleman.” Y/N commented and Charles smiled, closing the passenger door and walking around to get to the driver’s side. “Where are we going?”

“NDG Lucheonette, been a few times before, I like the food.” Charles commented. Y/N texted her dad saying that her and vidia were going out to eat, Vidia took a nap on the car, 45 minutes later, they made it to the diner. Charles opened the door for Y/N and she went to wake up Vidia.

“Princesa, we’re here, let’s go.” Y/N said and Vidia nodded, unbuckling her seatbelt and getting out of the car. Y/N held her hand as they entered the diner.

“Hello, table for three please.” Charles said and the hostess led them to their table. “So, Y/N, what do you do?”

“Oh I’m a baker.” Y/N said.

“Mami owns a bakery.” Vidia said.

“Really? How’s it like?” Charles asks

“You have to wake up early in order to bake, we provide pan dulce too, you know, like bread to eat with your coffee or hot chocolate.” Y/N explains.

“Conchas with hot chocolate is the best.” Vidia said “Mami has a lot of customers, she makes birthday cakes too.”

“Oh wow, you are a very accomplished baker indeed.” Charles said.

“I’m the best in my city.” Y/N said,

“I should stop by your bakery whenever I’m in New York.” Charles said.

“That would be great.” Y/N said, the waitress came and took their orders.

“And you vidia, what do you do?” Charles asked. Y/N loves that Charles is also engaging with her daughter.

“I’m in school, I watch tv, color, play with friends.” Vidia started.

“And when we get back to New York, you have to start the reading list the school gave you.” Y/N said.

“I Don’t like school.” Vidia grumbled and Charles laughed lightly.

“I didn’t like school either, but reading makes you smart like Matilda.” Charles said.

“Who’s Matilda?” Vidia asked and Charles looked at Y/N shocked,

“Yeah, she hasn’t seen the movie yet.” Y/N commented.

“Matilda is a little girl who reads a lot of books, is very smart, and gains the power to move things with her mind.” Charles explained and Vidia’s eyes widened.

“I want to move things with my mind!” Vidia exclaimed.

“Then I guess you need to read when we’re back home.” Y/N said. The milkshakes came first and then the food. The date went well, they were talking, Charles paid, but unbeknownst to everyone, there were F1 fans at the diner who recorded them together. They got into the car.

“I had a great time.” Charles said.

“Me too. By the way, congratulations on Monaco, can’t believe I haven’t said anything about it.” Y/N said.

“Thank you, you saw the race?” Charles asked.

“Of course.” Y/N said.

“Mami was crying.” Vidia commented.

“Did you really?” Charles asked.

“It was your first home race win, of course I was going to cry, all of Ferrari cried.” Y/N said.

“Well thank you, where’s your hotel?” Charles asked.

“I’ll just type it in,” Y/N said and she did just that. The drive was kinda quiet, just Charles’s playlist in the background until he made it to the front of her hotel.

“I hope it’s not too forward of me to ask for your number.” Charles said.

“Well you met my daughter and took us out on a date, asking for my number is definitely not too forward.” Y/N said, Charles unlocked his phone so Y/N could type in her number.

“Thank you, I’ll see you two tomorrow, call me in the morning so I can give you paddock passes.” Charles said.

“I will hold you to it. Vidia, mi amor, let’s go, we’re here.” Y/N said, getting out of the car while Vidia stirs awake. Y/N carried Vidia out of the car. “Text me, Charles, don’t make me regret giving you my number,”

“You won’t regret it, I swear.” Charles said, Y/N carries Vidia to the hotel room and her dad is awake watching TV.

“Como les fue?” Y/N’s dad asked. How’d it go

“Nos fue bien, Vidia está muy cansada la pobre.” Y/N said, laying vidia down in the bed. It went well, vidia is really tired, poor thing

“Me trajeron algo?” Did you bring me anything?

“No papi, lo siento.” Y/N said. She felt her phone vibrate and it was a text. Sorry

Unknown number: Hello Y/N, it’s Charles, hope you and Vidia have a good night.

Y/N smiles at her phone and replied back to him.

Y/N: Hello Charles, we hope you have a good night too. You need to be well rested if you’re going to be in pole again

Both Charles and Y/N went to sleep knowing that there might be a new relationship brewing.

The End

Hope y’all liked it, I’m sorry if it seems a little rushed

[chrollohearttags]

taste of our world | e. jaeger, a. artlert, r. braun

(Y/N) is your typical workaholic. A successful business woman with everything going for her….except a love life! That is until your best friend invites you to dinner with her colleagues. Who beyond their fancy suits and expensive cars, harbor a secret that no one would expect.

black fem!reader, (reader is a bit nerdy and reserved) niesha cameo, finger sucking, groping (consensual), fingering, corruption kink, toys use, voyeurism, m/m action, spit play, 3 sum with an eventual fivesome, polyamory + other things, all the characters are in their late 20’s

📜: I’ve had this idea floating around for a while and I just wanted to try it out. It’s very much different from my normal fics but hey, maybe experimenting will get me out of this rut I’m in. Bc writing should be fun, not perfect and clean! :)

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.───── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.──

life: it always had a strange way of working out. It could lead you down a variety of paths..some that you’d never even imagine. It was the very thought circulating your mind at the moment…positioned in a rather intricate and compromising manner; legs parted with your feet propped as if they were being hoisted by stirrups at a doctors office..not exactly how you would’ve been spending your Friday evenings some months ago.

“You poor thing, you’re so tense…must’ve been a long week, princess.” “Maybe she just needs someone to take her stress away. I think we can handle that..”

two voices interloping over that of your own infinite train of thoughts, speaking as if you weren’t even in the room. The ones racing through your mind at lightning speed as you struggled to take in your surroundings. A dimly illuminated room, shrouded in burgundy, black and cream colored decor. Canopy drapes hung above your head from the ceiling whilst you sat spread open with satin ropes binding your hands and ankles..those strappy heels you wore throughout your eight hour work day? Still coiled around those beautiful brown legs. It was a rather delectable sight to behold and they were itching to devour. The same could also be said of your button down blouse..still flesh against that curvaceous body and torn open by your doting boyfriends, the second they saw you in it and exposing those supple tits in the process. They made haste in hoisting your skirt to your tummy, and tugging those soaked panties down until they were torn completely off.

“And look, she even kept her toy in, all day..just like we asked. We’re so proud of you, baby.”

that deep voice cooing to you with a palm cupped around your cheek and a thumb pursed between your lips to suckle on. It was attached to a man, who by all accounts was your boyfriend. Eren, who’d entered your life six months prior and turned it upside down. Naturally, it was for the better..but it was certainly a culture shock nonetheless. Not many women could say they had a successful, attentive, loving partner who catered to her every whim in this society; less known, two of them. That honor also went to that of Reiner Braun. The more reserved yet most certainly, yet dominant of the pair. They were in sync, working reminiscent of a well oiled machine to convey their beloved (y/n) insurmountable pleasure at all costs. Needless to say, you had no complaints! Eventually, Eren would go on to replace that digit that had been pacifying you with his own lips, bending down to feed you slow, gentle yet sloppy kisses. Your tongues clash in a haze of bliss and coagulate with strings of saliva. Your doe brown eyes couldn’t help but to fixate on his green ones..full with lust and passion for his lady. He’d never seen something so precious to him. Something he wanted to protect and defile in the most salacious ways at the same time. Hence why his opposite hand was roughly groping those plump breasts and pinching your nipple. The other half of those perfectly manicured digits resided between your warm, spongy walls. Casually resting there with only subtle movements every so often.

“Of course..she was even kind enough to send us videos of herself. Can’t believe she only came once..told you our lil’ training would pay off, darlin.’ You just had to trust us..makes getting the whole thing that much better once yer’ home with us.”

that thick, buttery accent rang out in your ear as he nipped at the lobe. Marking it with gentle kisses before selfishly spinning your head around so that he too could get a sample of those sweet kisses. They were absolute feigns..addicts for every square inch of your flesh. Begging for a mere taste each time they were near you. Meanwhile, Reiner’s finger pads circled that sensitive clit; honing in on the swollen bud with gentle rubs to stimulate you. The men would cooperate in perfect harmony to stimulate all of your erogenous zones. Eren was far more delicate with his movements, as opposed to Reiner, who really appeased your sadistic side. One you weren’t even aware you liked until a few months ago. Yet here he was, feeding you very soft pats to the cheek as he intermittently pinched your nipples, even coiling that same hand around your throat to lightly asphyxiate you. A sensation you’d grown to be obsessed with. That’s how it was…when one would pull, the other pushed. When one gave to you, the other took but it was in the name of your gratification. Somewhat of a proverbial tug of war that they were playing both mentally and physically. “Oh my gosh…right there. Feels so good..” By the time the men hit their stride, you’d been reduced to a babbling mess with drool seeping from your lips. Eyes glazed over in inebriating lust and tiny giggles emitting from your mouth. Those whimpers and shrill cries had blossomed into beautiful moans that fed both of the men’s satisfaction. “Yeah, that’s what we wanna hear, baby. All we want is to make you feel good.” As they lay on their sides, still dressed in their designer slacks; although the top halves were bare, had managed to unravel their belts and tug them down until those aching erects were exposed. Conveniently, your hands were positioned ever so slightly so that you had access to both of those erect cocks.

“Fuck me…God, you’re so wet, princess. All that cream on my fingers. Can’t wait to feel it on my dick too..” his words slurring almost as if he were inebriated. Eventually fading off as he continued making out with you. Meanwhile, Reiner was not to be ignored. He had much more to say. “Maybe we can play in all those pretty holes, baby. Just like you wanted..use that cute little mouth of yours, this cute pussy and even fuck that lil’ asshole too..we’re gonna make you come yer’ brains out. So there isn’t a single thought left in there by the time we’re done.”

it was a threat that you personally wanted to see to fruition. You’d already made a mess once before..splattering their arms and fingers with your juices and was well on your way to a second release. You couldn’t take anymore of these promises. Your body was brimming with lust. Pure, unadulterated, unfathomable lust that could only be fulfilled with the lecherous desires that had been mentioned. “Yesss, please fuck me. Make me come.” To be used, stretched and stuffed to your ultimate capacity. Until your mind went absolutely blank and all that was left of you was a drooling little slut with the sole purpose of being their fucktoy. After all, it was what you had signed up for..literally and figuratively! When you agreed to become their submissive, their girl..you relinquished autonomy over yourself in the bedroom and allowed them to be solely responsible for delivering that sensation every week. Make no mistake, they fully supported you within your career and would never interfere with the way you ran your company. But when it came to personal aspects, you loved the idea of letting them make the decisions. The men would continue their descent and as they toyed with your body, their own lips would clash in a steamy haze. Heads dangling over your own as they made out and swirled their tongues around one another. The sight of two men kissing above you caused your insides to twitch around those fingers. You knew the drill…panting reminiscent of that of a pup, your tongue dangled from your mouth as it lay wide open. Before long, their own remnants of saliva were seeping in. This was due in part to those amazing handjobs you’d been giving them. Eren would reach down and grasp your throat as their fluids spilled to the back of it. “Good girl..swallow it.” Precum from both of their aching red tips seeped onto your knuckles. All of you were overcome with pleasure. And yet, still craving more.

but alas, your little display wasn’t the only one transpiring behind those four walls…

“Fuck…that’s so sexy.” “Yeah? Looks like she’s having a good time.” “I told you she would.”

because right before the foot of the bed, lie two spectators to this very illustrious rendezvous. Trusted eyes glued to the little display and partaking in activities of their own. Your best friend. Another successful woman in her own right. A home selling maverick with a rather successful real estate empire and her equally successful fiance, Armin. He amassed his fortune in marine engineering and helped craft some of the world’s most expensive sea vessels. A power couple by every definition of the word. However, at the moment..their eyes were fixated on you. With her back pressed to her man’s chest and her legs spread wide, she sat between Armin’s thighs as his arms spanned down between her own. His nimble fingers pushing in and out of your best friend’s tight cunt. Never would you have imagined being in such a compromising position. He’d massage her clit as the two observed you. You had known your best friend since childhood and there was rarely a secret harbored between the two of you. However, the one she decided to withhold…was interesting to say the least! Because after what you thought to be a harmless, casual dinner with her and some of her colleagues..who she was introduced to by her fiance, things changed! He and Eren happened to be childhood best friends as well and you figured this was her attempt at arranging some sort of relationship between the two of you. If you knew anything about her, she’d probably say that it would be cute for you guys to hook up solely because you’d be two sets of besties dating! You didn’t really pay the notion much mind but after sitting across the table from this charming and handsome man, your resolve softened and by the end of the night, he had you giggling like an idiot..smiling from ear to ear. He began to call and leave gifts at your office. Kind, respectful and gentle: all the quality traits you sought in a man. Eren was everything you could’ve imagined. He swept you off your feet and took your breath clean from your lungs. However, there was something off about this dream beau of yours that you couldn’t quite place your finger on…in fact, the whole group seemed to be in on a secret you were clueless about. One you’d find out about after overhearing your best friend and those two whispering after a night out.

“Maybe we should tell her..”

“I don’t think she’ll be down for it. You see how she is for yourself.”

“We don’t know until we try..”

The thing in question exactly? A foursome! Because unbeknownst to you, everyone within your friends circle was into polyamory. What was even more so shocking, is that it seemed to be another missing piece from this puzzle as well…totaling the group to a quadruplet. Make no mistake, you loved each of them dearly and as much as you hated to admit so this early on, you were absolutely smitten with Eren…but even this was a lot to take in. Your sex life was rather vanilla and honestly, nonexistent up until this point. You’d consider yourself bisexual at some point also but never really acted on it. You were too busy with work to concern yourself with any of those matters. But after one night with Eren, you were exposed to things you never thought possible. Both sexually and emotionally. You never knew pleasure the way you did with him and yet, the thought of sharing him made you want to denounce the potential relationship altogether. However, once the four of you were alone, things changed. You began to realize just how confined and restricted your sexual prowess had been.

that you’d limited yourself to all the possibilities that could transpire within your love life. When you asked why they participated, their answers aligned to the same thing. The corporate world was a drag and there was something so liberating about breaking societal norms within their personal lives when everything else was so structured. Even your best friend said that she’d never felt closer to Armin and more in tune with herself. So, as a way of ‘initiating’ you into their lifestyle, once you agreed to give it a shot..your boyfriend placed a blindfold over your eyes, spread your legs apart and allowed all three of them to take turns eating you out..feasting on that sweet little pussy of yours and devouring it until you were a shaking mess.

you lost track of the number of times you came that night and all of them were enjoying themselves quite a bit but your pleasure was the number one priority right now. What started as a simple double date between successful couples, ended with your best friend’s tongue in your cunt as her husband to be fucked her from behind! Meanwhile, Eren sat back observing..stroking himself at the sight and you’d never been turned on more than you had in that moment! Even so, to the naked and public eye, no one would ever guess that this sort of thing roused any of you guys’ fancy. What you all displayed to the world were business oriented professionals who excelled at their line of work. Behind closed doors, however..were lovers intertwined in an adoring and sex positive relationship. Fast forward a month or so after that and you were introduced to Eren’s partner..who held the title in more ways than one. Reiner Braun..the hulking six foot four, two hundred and ninety pound stud of a man with a thick country accent. It was blatantly obvious that he was enamored with you from the second your eyes met.

“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” “Damn gorgeous..”

where Eren exercised couth and gracefulness in every word he spoke; soft in tone yet deep in vibrato, Reiner made up for in sheer honesty. The contrast was something you grew to adore..especially when they both made it abundantly clear that they wanted you and they weren’t interested in making you choose. Rather, they wanted a different arrangement..one that allowed for the three of you to be in a relationship. Exclusive only to one another with the occasional hookup with your best friends..complex may have been an understatement but you were somehow open to the idea. Naturally, it wouldn’t just be limited to sexual favors. They’d take care of you in mind, body and spirit. Cooking meals for you, massaging your feet, ensuring that your bills were paid despite being capable of doing so all on your own..hell, only a month into the agreement, you were the most pampered you had ever been! No longer did you feel the need to live in survival mode..not being strong and independent because you had no other choice. If they even so much as saw you struggling to open a can, they’d rush to your aid.

“As long as we’re around, you don’t need to worry yourself with anything. We’re gonna take care of you, princess. I promise.”

there were never any egos involved or talks of no longer wanting to share..they set aside their pride and all solely for you. They wanted you to feel safe, loved and secure in every facet of your life. You could be soft or weak and they’d never judge you for it. They’d kiss your feet and the ground beneath it if it made you smile.

so as you sat bound with their fingers buried inside of your hole..the other circulating your clit as the three of you exchanged sloppy pecks and saliva..nearing your climatic peak, they’d observe and follow the pace. All of you in tune with one another’s psyche and nearing your inevitable orgasms…it was a pleasure you’d never experienced before and it made you so happy that you’d finally gotten a taste of their world.

“Fuck..are you gonna come for us, baby? Please come for us..squirt all over our fucking fingers, princess..”

“Yeah, let us have it, sweetheart. Don’t you dare think about holding back.”

and now that you had, there was no way you were coming back to normal!

[eqt-95]

I'm here to bring fluff and happiness back with this ♥️

ok so get this: my phone showed your ask as a red heart. so here I was, typing away about deep-throating popsicles and fingering milkshakes when I opened your ask on my laptop and saw a... white heart?! absolute witchcraft!

and since now i don't know what's right-side up from upside down, i offer a mash up: ❤️+🤍 or 'first kiss / realization' + 'kiss at the wedding / milestone'

p.s. thanks for the fluff and happiness injection. i needed it

- - - - - -

Kara loved going to weddings. What wasn’t there to love? There were flowers, delicious foods, endless dancing, and, best of all, that excuse to confess your deepest feelings in front of friends and family to the love of your life. 

She’d watched her sister and Kelly share their vows, commit to each other, and look darn good while doing it. She danced with Nia and Brainy to Bye-Bye-Bye which was technically of Alex’s no-play list, but Nia bribed the DJ. She stuffed her face with cake alongside Esme who was stubbornly fighting off the sleepies. She even had the most amazing pep-talk slash hug slash reveal with Lena.

The very best kind.

The kind that left her warm and seen and cherished.

The kind that left her wanting that same feeling for forever. 

The kind that felt like a Red Sun: held and understood and home. 

So why did she feel so… heavy and twisted inside?

Stumped. She was stumped. She was also in a slump. Her lower lip was quite close to a grump. But how to overcome this hump?

She shook her head. Now was definitely not the time for Dr. Seuss rhymes. Though silently she argued there was always time for Dr. Seuss rhymes.

Serious Kara won out. So instead of rhymes she stewed. She stewed and brewed and searched for a clue(d) -

“What’s up homie?” Nia asked, sliding across the bench and tipsily colliding into Kara’s side. “You missed REO Speedwagon. Even J’onn gave it his all; might’ve thrown out his back though. Poor guy. I am parched.”

Kara bit her lip and scowled and really really wanted a rhyme scheme to get her through this. “You love Brainy, right?”

“Woa, left field there swinger,” Nia smirked. Her attention was on the array of glasses with colorful drinks littering the table behind them. “Sure do.”

Kara slouched and let her chin find the palm of her hand. “So how did-”

“You think this is sour raspberry?” Nia interrupted, a cup of bright blue liquid appearing under Kara’s nose. “Or tropical punch,” she said.

Kara sniffed the cup. “Tropical punch.”

“Bonus,” Nia exclaimed and took a long drag. “You were saying?”

“Um,” Kara began without an ounce of heroic chutzpah. “How did you know?”

The question made the ‘heavy’ feeling morph into butterflies. It did nothing for the twisting. In fact, it exacerbated the twisting. It wrangled around her heart and made her breaths shallow with nerves. Definitely no chutzpah.

“Easy: He’s my person. My ride or die. To infinity and beyond. The Clyde to my Bonnie.”

“Are you sure that’s who you want to compare-”

“Look, it doesn’t matter. They went out with a bang,” Nia scoffed. “But fine, point taken,” Nia conceded then pulled another deep swig. “He’s the Orpheus to my Persephone.”

“I think you mean Eurydice.”

“Sure.” Her lips were now a faint shade of blue.

“But also, didn’t Orpheus fail-?”

“He did no such thing!” Nia proclaimed with rather unfounded enthusiasm. Juice sloshed onto the grass. “He went to the depths of hell for the woman he loved. He descended through souls and ghouls and fools-”

Kara wondered if this was the rhyme she needed. Maybe it was, because it propelled her up and across the lawn and so focused was she that Nia’s parting words of ‘Go get her, champ!’ fell of deaf ears.

She stumbled over lawn darts and accidentally destroyed a life-size jenga game. She nearly walked straight through the barn wall and into a decorative trough. She walked straight past the cake without grabbing a slice. 

Kara Zor El was on a mission.

And that mission was less than ten feet away, laughing and radiating like the sun rose and shone only for her. Her nose scrunched as the smile spread wider when Kara approached. It faded only slightly when the palpable look of fear on Kara’s face was noticed.

“Kara? Is everything ok?” she asked, stepping away from the group and brushing a reassuring thumb over Kara’s arm.

They stepped more steps until the steps led them to crickets and tree frogs and only the white noise of people. And ever the Pulitzer winning wordsmith, these were the words that managed to trip out of her mouth:

“I want to be your Orpheus.”

Lena’s mouth parted and eyes narrowed. “You… what?”

“I want to… shoot, no I mean…”

“You want to trap me in hell?” Lena asked. And bless the straight face she was trying to keep, but between Kara’s fish mouthing and absolutely butchering of whatever heartfelt words she had hoped would appear out of thin air, Lena’s face was doing some serious gymnastics to keep from smirking.

“He didn’t fail! He… he…”

Straws. Those were the things Kara was grasping for. Humiliatingly limp, paper straws.

“I want to fight off souls and ghouls and fools for you. I want the chance. I want you and the world to know that you are the person I’d move heaven and hell for you, because you make me feel whole. You make me feel seen and wanted and loved and I just… I just want you. And I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realize it but I-”

Lips.

Soft lips.

Soft lips and deep sighs and the flutter of long dark hair tickling her cheeks.

And then a sigh.

And then a ‘wowzers’.

And then a laugh.

And then again.

- - - - -

ask game

[tinyundercover]

pepper & felix

part sixteen

SURPRISE MF its out a day early word count: 4.7k

“Sit still,” Pepper murmured, brow furrowed with focus. 

On the end table next to Felix’s couch, Pepper sat cross-legged, a miniature paintbrush held in both hands. In front of him, Felix’s long fingers rested, splayed out on the end table, and from the couch Felix rested his chin on the back of his other hand, observing the borrower’s movements.

After dipping his paintbrush into the open bottle of nail polish next to him, Pepper returned to painting Felix’s nail, completely covering it in black polish. 

Felix hummed, lifting his head from his hand. “It looks good!” He experimentally moved his fingers, all five nails now jet black and glossy.

Pepper sent him a glance, twisting to search for another paintbrush. An array of art supplies sat next to him, an awkward blend of human-sized and borrower-sized materials. When Pepper finally found a plastic sheet of tiny silver gems, he announced, “I’m not done yet.”

“I figured.” The human let out a laugh and rested his cheek on his other hand, draped over the arm of the couch. The nails there were already finished, painted black and decorated in silver gems.

Felix, originally, had been a little apprehensive when Pepper had asked to paint his nails. He had worried that Pepper would grow bored or exhausted with the task, but the borrower insisted, treating Felix’s nails like any one of his other art projects.

The human didn’t paint his nails that often, but when he did, he gravitated towards his usual simple, soft colors— gray, pale blue, or white. Pepper had taken the liberty to find the black nail polish that Felix had bought but never touched, tucked away in a cabinet underneath Felix’s bathroom sink, and Felix couldn’t find it within his heart to refuse.

Pepper’s excitement had actually been adorable. Felix was aware that Pepper enjoyed being artistic, but the human didn’t get to see that side of him often, as most of Pepper’s art projects were constructed in the privacy of his little home. Besides, the microscopic size of his journals meant that Felix wouldn’t be able to see the details, anyways, which inwardly disappointed the human. He wished that he could support Pepper’s artistic endeavors the same way that Pepper regularly supported Felix’s passion for music.

Serving as a blank canvas felt like a fair compromise. Felix leaned into his sleeve, heart fluttering, watching as Pepper carefully pressed a silver gem into the center of his ring finger’s nail. The borrower’s gaze was intense and focused, as if this was the most important thing he had ever done. Felix did his best to keep his hand still.

Pepper worked diligently, tiny hands dancing delicately over Felix’s fingertips. As he decorated the rest of Felix’s fingers with silver, the borrower’s satisfaction visibly grew, until he finally finished with the last gem on Felix’s thumb. 

Felix blinked curiously as the borrower pushed himself to his feet, proudly gesturing to the fingers below him. “Now we’re done!”

Mindful not to bump into Pepper, Felix held both hands above the end table, eyebrows high as he examined his nails. Silver gems glimmered up at him, more symmetrical than he would have been able to achieve on his own. The black nail polish underneath was bold, and definitely not a color he was used to wearing, but it was growing on him.

It was hard to dislike anything that clearly brought Pepper so much joy. The borrower was trying to play it cool, crossing his arms, but the excited rocking of his heels was anything but subtle. “What do you think?”

Felix wiggled his fingers. “They look amazing,” he breathed, pulling his gaze away from the detailed designs to admire his soulmate. “Thank you! I— this is incredible!”

Pepper fought a grin, ducking his head. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Seriously, I love it,” Felix pressed, beaming. “I wish I could do your nails.”

Pepper snorted at the absurdity. He held his hands out in a similar fashion to Felix, splaying his hands in front of his face. Felix couldn’t even see his nails, let alone try and paint them. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

Felix laughed lightly as Pepper began to organize his things, dropping his gray gaze to the pile of art supplies. After a moment of silence Felix spoke up, observing the delicate movements of Pepper’s hands.

“I, um…” A nervous feeling danced around Felix’s throat, restricting his words. Pepper peered up at him, expression nonchalant, closing the bottle of nail polish. The glass bottle reached his shoulder.

Felix exhaled, glancing down at his freshly painted nails. “I was wondering if, uh— if you’d want to go out on a date. Like, a real date.”

His hesitant words made Pepper freeze, tiny hands jerking away from the bottle. Felix felt a pink tinge creeping into his face, and he cleared his throat, rushing to explain. “Only if you want to. We don’t have to go out in public, or anything. It’s up to you.”

Silence stretched for a second too long, as Pepper stared up at him, gray eyes enormous. Felix was just about to haphazardly change the subject when Pepper finally responded, voice breathy. “Yeah. I want to.”

Felix blinked in response, heart jumping. He had been terrified that Pepper would refuse, offended at the idea that there might be something even slightly romantic between them— but clearly they were on the same page. It brought a warm feeling of relief into Felix’s chest.

The human ducked his head, suddenly embarrassed to face the borrower. “Oh! Okay, ah— good! Would tomorrow night be okay with you?”

Felix tried to keep his face light and casual, not wanting to reveal that he had already checked tomorrow’s weather repeatedly and had been purposely keeping his Thursday night open for several days now. To his relief, Pepper nodded vigorously, tiny hands fumbling.

“Yes. That sounds perfect.”

—

Pepper had never been on a date in his life, let only on a date with a human.

Four days ago, Pepper had given Felix a kiss on the nose. He had been emboldened by a surge of confidence, but his confidence had dissipated rapidly over the next few days. Neither of them mentioned that kiss— much like how they hadn’t mentioned Felix’s drunk kiss. Felix, honestly, didn’t seem to be treating Pepper any differently, and Pepper had started to wonder if maybe he had taken things too far too quickly.

But Felix had asked him out a date.

Pepper’s heart raced. He exhaled, dragging his hands down his face. On the floor of his room, his clothes were strewn around him in haphazard piles.

“I’ve literally kissed him,” Pepper mumbled to himself, digging through a pile of shirts. “He’s kissed me. This isn’t a big deal.”

Still, the fear of the unknown was difficult to combat. Pepper didn’t even know where they were going yet.

After struggling for twenty minutes, Pepper finally settled on a plain black crewneck and baggy blue pants, not unlike the cargo pants that Basil usually wore. He didn’t have a lot of nice clothes, but he figured this was good enough.

Right on cue, Felix’s voice filtered into his mind. “Hey, I just got home from rehearsal. Do you want to meet in the kitchen in… maybe half an hour?”

“Sure,” Pepper responded, trying to sound nonchalant despite the racing of his heart. “See you then.”

Pepper suddenly wished he had a phone, so that he could call Basil at her place in the lounge and tell her what was going on. He didn’t know much about how phones worked, but it would be nice to have one right now.

He spent the next fifteen minutes pacing around his room, smoothing his clothes, double-checking his bag, before finally deciding that he should make his way to the kitchen. He sent a quick telepathic message to Felix that he was on his way before he slipped into the long passageways of the walls.

When Pepper emerged from behind the toaster, Felix wasn’t there yet. Being alone in the kitchen somehow comforted Pepper and worsened his fears at the same time. 

It wasn’t exactly a secret that he and Felix were advancing onto romantic territory, and had been for a couple weeks, but it still left Pepper feeling dizzy. He had absolutely no experience with romance at all, and his little knowledge of how soulmates worked didn’t help the situation.

Basil had talked with him about it, explaining that some people ignored their soulmates altogether, while others found their platonic best friend in their soulmate and searched for romance elsewhere. That only confirmed Pepper’s fear that Felix would never choose to be with a borrower if he didn’t have to.

But, no— Felix had asked him out on a date.

The exhilarating feeling returned, leaving Pepper rocking on his toes, heart racing. He pulled at the threads of his crewneck, which were a bit loose, considering that he had merely thrown this sewing project together a few weeks ago.

At the sound of Felix’s footsteps approaching, Pepper straightened up, listening intently. His gray eyes were wide and curious as Felix finally stepped into the room, his towering height sending a fluttery feeling down the borrower’s spine.

Over a white button-up, Felix wore a black sweater vest. In addition to his black dress pants, the human was wearing a much darker palette than usual, which surprised Pepper somewhat, and the borrower could only wonder if he had intentionally chosen these black clothes in order to match his dark nails. Pepper’s first thought was that it was an incredibly sweet gesture.

His second thought was that black was a very flattering color on Felix.

The stark contrast between the darkness of his clothes and his light skin and features left Pepper feeling dizzy, oddly enough. Fighting the heat growing in his face, the borrower nodded politely, crossing his arms. “You look nice.”

A breathy laugh escaped Felix, moving closer. “Thanks. You too.”

Pepper didn’t hesitate to step onto Felix’s hand when he offered it. Throwing his hands out to balance, he peeked up at Felix. “Where are we going, by the way?”

Felix flushed, glancing away as he brought Pepper up to his left shoulder. The borrower watched him quizzically as he scrambled up onto the knitted material of Felix’s vest. “I actually want to keep it a surprise, if that’s okay.”

Pepper raised his eyebrows, suddenly anxious— but Felix knew better than anyone not to put Pepper in danger. “Oh!” He kept his voice playful. “You won’t even tell me a little bit?”

Felix shrugged, jostling the borrower momentarily. After offering a quick apology for the movement he responded, “Well— we’ll have to drive there. Is that okay?”

Pepper had already accepted that a car ride would be very likely. He nodded. “Yeah, no worries.”

In the next few minutes, as they made their way through the apartment building, Pepper could only wonder where they could possibly be going. The only time he had left the apartment recently (willingly) had been to accompany Felix to his audition.

Honestly, Pepper wasn’t really even sure what humans did with their time. Felix didn’t seem to be as crafty as Pepper, which made sense, considering the vast difference in what the two of them needed to do to survive. Pepper enjoyed sewing as a hobby, but at its core, it was a survival tactic for him. 

Felix’s hobbies revolved around music, which made Pepper wonder if they were possibly going to some sort of music performance. He had enough common sense to understand that humans played music for each other, much like how Felix sang onstage. Curious, and a little baffled, Pepper sank closer to Felix’s neck.

The sun beamed down on the two of them as they stepped outside into the parking lot. Self-conscious, Pepper clung to Felix’s silver hoop earring, gaze dancing. There were no other humans around, but he still felt overwhelmed in such an open space.

“How is Basil doing?” Felix asked as they approached his car. Pepper had only been inside it once, when Felix had rescued him and Basil from their kidnapping. “Settling in okay?”

The polite question helped to ease the tension between them. Pepper nodded, subconsciously tightening his grip on Felix’s earring as the human opened the car door with an unfathomable amount of casual strength. “Yeah, she’s doing really good, actually. Her room in the lounge is really coming together.”

The borrower smiled, recalling how he had spent the entirety of his Monday helping Basil to organize her new space. He knew from experience that the first few weeks of moving somewhere new could be emotionally draining, so he had been happy to help. “Her room finally looks like a home now, you know? It started off as this dark, dusty, empty space, but now it’s super cozy. She even took an old scarf from the lost and found and made some tapestries out of it to put around her room.”

“Aw, good! I’m glad things are going well for her.” Felix expressed his approval as he slid into the driver’s seat, careful not to jostle Pepper. His blue eyes were kind as they settled on Pepper’s reflection in the side mirror. “How often do borrowers move? It can’t be easy, right?”

Pepper hummed curiously, settling into the crook of Felix’s neck. Felix hadn’t made any indication to move Pepper down to the passenger seat, so the borrower got comfortable where he was. He paused to let the initial roar of the engine die down before he responded, gazing out into the parking lot as the car rolled into movement. “We don’t move around a lot, usually, but it depends.”

After a beat, Felix asked, “Where did you live before?”

“Your apartment is my third home,” Pepper explained, entranced by the movement outside. “I grew up in a bakery. It was this little place on a street corner, with all these cute green and pink decorations. It was nice, but it’s kind of a tradition for borrowers to move out of their childhood home once they’re an adult, so when I was nineteen, I moved into a new house— but the couple that lived there started setting out mouse traps, so I left. I moved into your apartment a little over a year ago, when I turned twenty-one.”

Felix’s eyebrows were high. He briefly pulled his gaze from the road to observe Pepper in the mirror. “You’ve lived in my apartment for a year?”

Pepper blinked. He supposed he hadn’t revealed the exact timeline before. “I guess I have.”

“Huh… I can’t believe I never noticed you.”

Pepper almost snickered. “Not being noticed is kind of the whole borrower thing, man.”

Felix released a sheepish laugh at that. “Right. Of course.” After a moment he added, “I’m glad I met you, though. Even if I wasn’t supposed to.”

Pepper smiled, absentmindedly threading his fingers into Felix’s vest.  “Yeah. Me too.” He decided not to make a snarky comment about the unfavorable circumstances in which they met, basking instead in their shared warm moment.

“You’ve mentioned the bakery before,” Felix added after a quiet minute of driving. “You grew up there with Basil, right?”

“Yep.” Pepper admired the buildings whizzing past them, bright and enormous. “She’s six years older than me, so she kind of took care of me.”

Felix’s brow furrowed out that. He looked as if he wanted to ask more, but changed his mind, nodding in response. Pepper blinked.

He had never really brought up his family to Felix— not only because it had never come up, but because he didn’t have much to say. His father had died shortly after Pepper was born, so he didn’t remember much about him aside from the brief feeling of comforting hands on his shoulders and warm, brown eyes. 

His mother, on the other hand, had left unexpectedly in the midst of Pepper's childhood. The rest of Pepper’s teenage years had been spent with Basil— then by himself, once Basil had inevitably moved out. 

“You have a sister, too, right?” Pepper finally asked, changing the subject. “What’s she like?”

Felix smiled. “Her name’s Kelsey. She’s really funny, and she’s so sweet. I think you’d really like her.”

Pepper blinked at that. It hadn’t really occurred to him until now that he might have to meet Felix’s family at some point, as absurd as it sounded. 

He vaguely remembered seeing Kelsey once or twice, when she had visited Felix’s apartment over the past year. She looked a lot like her brother, lanky and blonde, aside from the bright streaks of pink in her hair. Of course, back then, Pepper had never stuck around either of the humans long enough to get a read on their personalities.

“Does she do theater too?”

“Yeah, actually. For her it’s more of a hobby— she’s gonna go to college for economics— but theater definitely runs in the family.” Felix smiled. “She’s auditioning for Legally Blonde soon.”

“That’s a kind of musical?” 

“Oh— yeah. It’s a really good one.”

Pepper beamed, oddly proud that he had made the connection. It was nice to finally have a grasp on how human theater worked. “Well, wish her luck for me.”

Until Felix’s car pulled into the largest parking lot Pepper had ever seen, the borrower hadn’t realized how much time had passed. Suddenly remembering that they were on a date, Pepper straightened up, curious.

He examined the enormous gray building in front of them, brow furrowed. With a distinct lack of windows, the building was comparable to a cement brick. “Where are we?”

Felix parked the car. His black nails danced over the steering wheel, hesitant. “An art museum.”

Curiosity flickered in Pepper’s chest, and he leaned forward, searching the bland gray building. “Oh! It’s got a bunch of human art in it, right? Like, paintings, and stuff?”

Felix relaxed microscopically at Pepper’s positive response. “Yeah. I just figured you might be interested in this, because you’re so artsy, and stuff— is this okay? Do you want to go?”

“Yeah!” Pepper’s heart positively melted at the considerate gesture from Felix. “Yes, absolutely! Except— are there a lot of humans in there, usually?”

Felix shook his head, smiling. “It won’t be crowded, and if we do see people, we can avoid them. I checked online and they’re usually not busy on Thursday nights.” He hesitated briefly as he shut the car off. “Although, when we first go in, you might have to hide hide. Just for a few minutes.”

“That’s okay.” Pepper’s gaze danced down, searching for Felix’s messenger bag, but it wasn’t in the car. “Oh.”

Felix seemed to be hit with the same realization. The human pursed his lips, subconsciously patting himself down. “Oh,” he echoed.

Peering down the towering length of Felix’s torso, Pepper registered that he didn’t have any pockets on him, either. The borrower tilted his head, running his hand over the color of Felix’s white button-up.

When he had accompanied Felix to his audition, he had wedged himself between the folds of the fabric on Felix’s shoulder in order to remain hidden. However, if Felix needed to talk directly to another human in order to get into the museum, a simple fabric fold wouldn’t be enough to hide Pepper.

With a strike of inspiration, Pepper straightened up. “It’s okay— I can just…”

He faltered, self-conscious about what he was about to suggest. Meeker than before, continued, “I can just hide in your sleeve— you know, in your hand?”

He had been ready to announce the idea before he had even considered being scared. Hiding, trapped in Felix’s hand, with no knowledge of what was going on outside— it was a terrifying situation to put himself in, but he had a strange feeling in his chest that insisted it would be okay.

Only if Felix agreed to it, of course.

Felix’s blue eyes flickered, surprised, peering down at his hand. His thumb played with the sleeve of his white button-up. “That would be okay with you?”

Pepper shrugged, trying to play off his sudden wariness. “Yeah, it’s fine. Only for a few minutes, right?”

“Yeah,” Felix agreed, although he seemed to feel just as nervous.

It wasn’t a situation that either of them were used to. Felix had held Pepper before, obviously, but he always refrained from closing Pepper into a fist. It would be uncomfortable for both of them, especially considering that they could be surrounded by other humans. Pepper was willing to make it work, however, if it meant he could explore the art museum with Felix.

He didn’t know everything about human society, but he was smart enough to understand what a museum basically was. The idea enthralled him.

Once Felix was standing outside the car, ensuring that nobody was around, he lifted his hand to his shoulder. Pepper’s gaze dragged down from the enormous gray building— the museum, in fact, was the largest building he had seen in his life— to peer down at Felix’s palm.

It amazed him how quickly Felix’s hand had changed from a thing of terror to a comfort. Fingers as tall as he was curled inward, once threatening— but as Pepper stepped delicately onto the hand, he felt oddly protected by them. Something emotional shifted in his chest.

Felix moved his hand in front of himself, allowing the borrower to adjust before gently moving him to his non-dominant hand. Pepper immediately felt secured by the fingers curled around him, and he clung to Felix’s thumb and forefinger, acutely aware of how much power rested in his soulmate’s hands. His heart thudded on instinct, struggling to meet Felix’s gaze.

“Just a few minutes, I promise,” Felix said softly, and Pepper relaxed, nodding. He sent a lighthearted salute up, earning a breathy laugh. Moments later, Pepper was completely concealed from sight, as Felix tugged his sleeve over his hand. 

Pepper exhaled as Felix began walking, gaze dancing around the confined space. He wasn’t in complete darkness as his imagination had suggested he might; the sunlight filtered through the white fabric of Felix’s sleeve, providing the borrower with enough visibility not to go into a panic. 

The fingers around him were loose and accommodating, barely a fist at all. Pepper shifted into a more comfortable position, sinking into the warmth around him. He wondered if Felix could feel his heartbeat, with how his large finger was resting against his back.

His instincts murmured at him every time Felix’s fingers shifted around him, fleeting thoughts of being squeezed or dropped entering his mind. To be held like this was to completely surrender himself and trust Felix. He had no knowledge of what was going on outside— he just knew that Felix was with him, completely surrounding him with his presence. The thought left Pepper feeling somewhat dazed.

Pepper closed his eyes, resting his head back. He could hear Felix speaking to someone, and felt the shifting of gravity as Felix moved his hand, but he willfully ignored all of the noise in favor of peace of mind.

Felix was correct; it only took a few minutes for the sleeve to be tugged away. Pepper straightened up within Felix’s palm, squinting at the sudden onslaught of light, feeling like a frazzled baby bird.

Felix seemed to feel the same way. He hid a teasing smile, blue gaze dancing away respectfully as Pepper attempted to flatten his shaggy hair. “Sorry. Should’ve given you a warning.”

“It’s fine. As long as there’s no one around…”

Pepper trailed off. He had glanced around in search of other humans— but the room they were in was empty. Dark walls stretched around them, the floor expansive, and for a moment Pepper was reminded of being inside of the walls, with its enormous passageways and empty space.

Several gold-framed paintings adorned the walls, each one lit dramatically. Pepper’s breath left his body, and he immediately leaned towards the painting closest to them, attempting to see the little details. “Holy shit. Is this real?”

Felix seemed a little surprised by his reaction, but he approached the painting nonetheless, lifting his hand higher so Pepper could see. 

The painting beamed down at Pepper, an abstract rendition of two young girls playing on a swing set. Pepper wasn’t unfamiliar with fancy artwork, but this was the first time he had seen a painting with such detail or color. His gaze danced to the label below it.

“This is from 1986? These paintings are old!”

“You have no idea,” Felix teased, bringing his hand to his shoulder. Pepper quickly got the idea, scrambling up onto the dark sweater vest, double checking to make sure no other humans were in the room. “There’s artwork here that’s hundreds of years old.”

Pepper’s mind was racing. He had sewn clothes and drawn doodles in his journals for years, but most of his artwork tended to fall apart over time. It just seemed to be natural for paint to smudge and threads to wear down. He couldn’t imagine preserving something for hundreds of years.

As they examined the paintings surrounding them, Pepper rattled off questions, thrilled. A lot of things Felix couldn’t answer, because he wasn’t exactly a trained painter— but he was happy to see Pepper so excited.

Just as they reached the last painting, a young couple entered the room. Felix fell quiet at their presence, and after Pepper ducked against Felix’s neck in surprise, he took it as his cue to leave.

The panic in Pepper died down almost instantly as Felix moved to another section, filled with more paintings of wildly different styles. Pepper, recalling just how large the building had appeared from the outside, beamed with the realization of how much artwork there must be to explore.

The minutes flew by as they moved from painting to painting, speaking softly. Pepper remained enraptured the entire time.

“That one looks like you,” Pepper commented as they observed a painting of a tall, ghostly man. Felix snorted.

“Right. And you’re the bird.”

A tiny bird rested in the ghostly man’s hand, barely a stroke of paint. Cupped in the thin, pale fingers, the bird was barely noticeable.

Pepper blinked, then punched Felix’s neck. “Shut up.” 

The borrower was incredibly grateful for how quiet the museum was, something he hadn’t expected it to be. The borrower usually pictured every human structure to be filled with movement and noise— but the silence of the museum was a pleasant surprise. 

Pepper’s gaze drifted towards Felix, examining the length of his jawline and the smoothness of his cheek. The human was speaking quietly, discussing the origins of the painting in front of them, but Pepper was more focused on the movement of Felix’s jaw and fighting the sudden dizzying urge to reach out and touch it. 

Flushing, he turned back towards the painting, gently grasping Felix’s hoop earring for stability.

Only when they entered a room filled with towering human statues did Pepper remember exactly what he was— a borrower, currently on a date with a human.

A fluttery feeling filled Pepper’s chest, and he subconsciously straightened up, sending Felix a glance. He suddenly wondered if Felix had been on dates before.

The human had never mentioned any past romantic experiences, and the thought made Pepper feel a little uncomfortable. Was Felix comparing this date to any previous dates? Surely dating a borrower was significantly worse than dating another human, right?

“You okay?”

Pepper blinked, realizing he had fallen silent. His gaze turned towards a marble statue, towering over him, the details incredibly intricate. “Yeah, I… yeah. Sorry, just lost in thought.”

Felix’s voice was gentle, polite. Pepper momentarily hated him and his never-ending patience. “What were you thinking about?”

Pepper hesitated, drumming his fingers over his knees. For a moment, he thought about sharing all of these negative thoughts with Felix— but what would be the point? Felix had asked him out on a date, as soulmates. It didn’t matter what might have happened in the past.

Exhaling, Pepper dropped his shoulders, lifting his gaze to the next shoulder. A warm feeling in his chest, he inched closer to Felix, placing a small, steady hand on the human’s neck. He could feel the heartbeat underneath, quickening.

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Pepper murmured, heart fluttering.

Felix’s shoulder shifted underneath him, surprised, before the human spoke again. His voice was as gentle as ever. “Of course.”

-----

they can have one nice chapter where nothing bad happens. as a treat

happy pride month!

TAGLIST: @smallsday @compact-katrina @satethesatelite @taters169 @entomolog-t @gtzel @gt-newbie @da3dm @clumsiergiantess @vee-normous @fee-hunter @torakan @mabelisthebatman @andithewhumper @mothsintherain @violetlight @heroofthe13thday @phoenix-on-the-run @houseboatmac @dav8530

[lowkeychenle]

the hardest part [ZCL] (M)

Description: You, Chenle, and Jay have been best friends since before you could even remember. After moving away to pursue your dreams, you don't talk to them as often as you should. One day, you get a call notifying you of Jay's passing. When you go back to your hometown, you find everything is different except for one person--Chenle.

Genre: (Hurt/Comfort) Smut/Fluff/Angst (please see content warnings)

Content Warnings: death of a close friend, survivor's guilt, lots of what-if scenarios, navigating life without someone you've always had around, mental break downs, panic attacks (not vividly described AS panic attacks), two people coming together to heal from grief, explicit sexual content (unprotected sex, oral sex, mentions of sex, etc. although it's not super crazy so do with that what you will)

Word Count: 16,965

Taglist: @amyjipark @sofix-hc7 @dinosaurtoothbrushwithninjasauce

Permanent Taglist: @sunnybutcloudy @neozon3nha @waffleuvs

Pairing: Zhong Chenle x fem!reader (featuring OC by the name of Jay)

A/N: thank you for 900 followers! :)

Juliet's Masterlist | Tell me what you think? :)

When you got the call, your life fell apart before your eyes. You didn’t believe it. Not at first, anyway, considering things like this don’t happen to people you know. They happen to people you’ve never met.

Tragedies strike everyone. Not only are you not exempt, but nothing will ever shake you more, you’re certain.

Learning of your childhood best friend’s death is not something you expect to hear at your age. It’s always sudden, tragically, unfortunately. As if any death is anything but those words.

Everything leading up to the funeral—from the phone call to the week it took you to get on the plane—felt like a fever dream. One you’d wake up from and everything would be normal again.

You’re too young. He’s too young.

Was.

He was too young.

Your throat tightens as you close your eyes, resting your head against the steering wheel of your rental car. The funeral awaits you inside, where you’ll say the goodbye he’ll never actually hear.

The entire week, you’d been looking through old pictures and videos, crying at the sound of his voice when you realized how long it’d been since you truly heard him.

You obviously had yet to accept what happened. You’re half-sure that the second you walk in, everyone will be in there as if they’ve all played an elaborate prank on you. How cruel of them to set all of that up in a funeral home. Was he in there right now, waiting for you to walk in with tears in your eyes so he could make fun of you?

You’d cry harder, punch his shoulder, yell at him for playing such a cruel joke on you.

But it’s not a joke.

You haven’t received a text in over a month—well past your monthly check-in time. That thought alone makes you want to scream. Monthly check-ins? You moved away from your friends years ago for college and a ghost of a dream. Now, the only ghost left is his, and you have no idea how to explain your absence.

You thought you had more time.

Maybe that everybody gets older—but that’s not true. He won’t.

A cold chill runs down your spine. You look up at the sky, wanting to curse it for the beautiful blue color when the shade inside your heart is so fucking painful. Gathering yourself and wiping away the stray tear, you brush your dress off and get out of your car. The lot is packed, considering how popular Jay is.

Was.

It’s not real for you yet. Even as you walk in through the doors, the miserable click of your heels on the concrete doing little to soothe the emotions running deep in your veins. The first thing you see when you walk in is a collage of pictures of him—and the one that catches your eye immediately is one of the biggest ones, portraying you, Jay, and Chenle from a few summers back. The three of you are beaming at each other, smiles too wide to not be painful.

A lump forms in your throat. You hadn’t even thought about Chenle. Not really. The three of you had been best friends growing up. Your parents all knew each other, and so you’d been grandfathered into two friendships. In your defense, nothing had been on your mind except for Jay. Not his family, not yours, not Chenle.

Jaw quivering, you trace your fingers over the two men in the picture. God, Chenle must be a fucking wreck right now. Your first goal was to find him.

It’s not like you weren’t friends with them anymore. You were busy, they were busy, and you had a friendship with both of them that made it easy to remain the same when together even if you spent months and months apart. You hadn’t seen either of them in person in over a year.

The doors are open, and you clench your fists together. You freeze just before the doorway. The second you walk in, all of this becomes real. Jay is dead, and you’ve failed to keep up with him and everyone else from your hometown. You’ve become someone else, and in the process, you forgot your roots.

You’ll never remember them again. Not when they’ve been cut at the source.

“(Y/N)?” A familiar voice sounds behind you, and you whirl around.

The tears you’d been holding back fall before you can stop them. You slap a hand over your mouth, and in the blink of an eye, Chenle’s closing the distance between the two of you and wrapping his arms around you.

“God, it’s been so fucking long,” he murmurs, tightening his grip.

You can’t talk yet. Guilt sets in regardless, because you hadn’t so much as messaged him when you heard about all of this. His palm rests on the back of your head, and he doesn’t say anything else. The two of you stand there, and you allow him to comfort you.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” you groan and wipe at your eyes. “This is all just…are you…how are you doing?”

“I’ve been better,” he admits. “Better now that you’re here, honestly. I went outside to take a break from everything and I saw you walk in. You have no idea how good it is to have you back here.”

“I can’t believe I’ve been gone for so long.” You glance up at the ceiling.

“Life happens,” Chenle says softly. He puts his hand on the small of your back. “If you’re ready, I’ll go in with you.”

“Thank you.” You take a deep breath.

Chenle has never been an emotional man. Even since you were children, you rarely even saw him tear up. Hopes of all of this being a prank dissipates quickly when you see the water gathered in his eyes as the two of you walk in.

The air inside is undeniably stuffy, bone-chilling, even. Silence is amplified by how you hear your own heart pounding in your ears. The carpeted floor creaks beneath your feet, and as soon as people recognize you, eyes are on you and Chenle. Nobody says anything.

The casket is on a stage of sorts. The left side is open, and you can’t see inside it from where you’re standing, but your feet freeze to the ground directly below you before you realize what’s happening. A flash of worry crosses over Chenle’s features as he steps in front of you to cover the view.

“Just breathe,” he whispers, hands on your shoulders. “It’s hard. I know. Trust me, do I fucking know, but it’s not about us and our feelings right now. It’s about Jay. You’ll get through this for Jay.”

“He’s in there.” You gulp. “It’s all real, and he’s…”

Your friend nods. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s real.”

Your throat constricts again, and you glance around. His family—his parents and younger brother—are in the front of the room, sitting down together. Much to your surprise, they’re not all sobbing, but the redness to his mother’s cheeks tells you she may have just shed too many tears to keep going.

“This is the last time you’ll ever see him,” Chenle says quietly. “You don’t have to go up there if you don’t want to, but I think you’ll regret it if you don’t. They put him in that stupid band shirt he never wanted to throw away.”

Your heart pangs, and warmth and fondness takes over. “Well, good thing he never did, huh?”

“Exactly.” Chenle chuckles. “I’ll go with you.”

Once you nod, he resumes his spot next to you and guides you up to your best friend to say goodbye. You don’t stay there long. After you see him, you’re sure you’ve been changed forever. It’s odd how serene and peaceful he looks. How nothing about him has really changed when everything about you and your life now has.

You speak briefly with his family, who are all thankful you came across the country for this—as if you’d ever miss it. You just wish you’d had that need to go home when death wasn’t involved. Yours, Jay’s, and Chenle’s parents stay at the funeral after you and Chenle leave. The two of you mutually agreed Jay would punch you both if he knew you were held up because of him.

You go to a cafe together, and despite you having zero appetite, Chenle insists you get something to eat. Grasping your warm coffee cup in both hands, you stare down at the steam while your friend is up at the counter waiting for everything else. You look out the window, watching the cars zoom past.

“It’s a little weird having you back here,” Chenle mentions as he sits down across from you.

“Well.” You sip your coffee. “It wasn’t exactly in the plan.”

“How long are you here for?”

“I took extended leave,” you tell him. “I’ll be here for a few months.”

He purses his lips and nods. “This town isn’t so great without you, you know. Jay and I used to talk about it all the time.”

“Yeah.” Your breath hitches and you stare at the steam from your cup. “I’ve been so…far away this whole time, and now it’s too late to fix it all.”

“Hey, there’s nothing to fix,” he interjects, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re out there making a life for yourself. We’ve never been anything but fucking proud of you, dude. You had the courage to get out. Neither of us ever could’ve attempted that.”

“Did he even get the chance?” You let out a pained laugh and set your coffee on the table.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. He loved you, okay? Our friendship has always been easy. You don’t need to talk to people or see them every day to stay friends.” Chenle reaches across the table and grabs your hand.

Your shoulders slump. “God, you’re going through this at the same time I am and I’m just…making it about me. What’s going on with you?”

“Everyone grieves differently.” He pauses to think. “I’m…as okay as I can be, you know? But to be completely honest, I’m not sure how I am. Or what I’m gonna do. There’s not much I can do.”

“I still can’t believe it. He’s just…gone. How the hell do we keep going? It’ll never be the same.”

“You’re right,” Chenle agrees. “It’ll suck. It already does. But we’ll get through this together. I’m here for you.”

You squeeze his hand and give him a small smile. “And I’m here for you, of course. I’m gonna be better about staying in touch and visiting.”

“Where are you staying?” he asks.

“Well, my parents turned my room into a home gym, so I got a hotel for now.” You chuckle. “They really thought I was never coming back.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” His eyes widen. “You’re gonna stay in a hotel for a few months? Just come stay with me.”

“I didn’t want to impose on anyone.”

He presses his lips into a thin line. “C’mon, you’re not imposing and you know it. Plus, you haven’t seen the new house yet, so you may as well.”

“That’s right.” You gasp and shoot straight up. “You fucking bought a house.”

He grins. “Yeah, I did. And there’s plenty of space for you there. Plus, it’ll be better for both of us if we’re not alone right now.”

“You’re gonna make me play board games.”

“Obviously.” He scrunches up his nose. “You would have to even if you were staying in the hotel.”

Familiarity finally sets in, and the awkward air between you and Chenle has officially evaporated completely. He’s still your best friend, and the weirdness was in your own head. The two of you spend a bit of time catching up at the cafe—at times, you even find yourself laughing.

You missed your hometown. The friends you had when you were growing up. What a shame you’re missing one of the most pivotal people in your entire life. Your younger years were shaped and reformed by your friendship with Jay and Chenle.

When some girl bullied you in middle school, the boys were the first people to come to your defense. They’d walk you to and from class, and Chenle even called that girl out. In high school, when you got your first boyfriend, Jay and Chenle grilled him thoroughly. They were your family, and you were theirs.

One of the only times you’d seen Chenle cry was when he and Jay dropped you off at the airport when you were leaving for college. You hugged both of them so tightly, and you promised to visit often. They said they’d come see you, and that you’d never go too long without them.

Naive promises turn into friendships where you love each other, but you rarely see or hear from the other. Every time you did see them, it truly felt like no time had passed.

You and Chenle get into your car, and he directs you to his house. He tells you a little about it on the way—it’s not too big, two bedrooms, one bathroom, but the kitchen is really nice. He likes to cook, so, of course, that was a deciding factor when he was looking.

Your bags are still in the back, so he helps you grab them. He slings your backpack over his shoulder and grabs the larger of your two bags. Everything about your hometown feels foreign to you as you follow him inside. He flicks the lights on, and the first thing you notice is that same picture of you, Jay, and Chenle that you’d seen at the funeral home.

It’s framed in the center of the wall, and as soon as you see it, you exhale. Chenle stops mid-sentence, walking up to stand next to you.

“That’s my favorite picture of us.” He tilts his head. “He made fun of me for putting that up.”

“He’s always been so weird about mushy gushy friendship feelings.” You purse your lips. “Despite being the sappiest fucking guy I know.”

“He’d be so pissed at all of us for being sad.” Chenle chuckles. “He’d kill me if I let you stay in a hotel, too.”

“The last time I talked to him, he’d just broken up with that girl. What was her name?”

“I don’t even remember. She was weird, though. Like, he barely talked to you and she was all threatened I guess. You and Jay? You two would end up putting each other in headlocks.” He snorts and runs his fingers through his hair.

“We have put each other in headlocks,” you remind him, nudging his shoulder. “And I vaguely remember kicking his ass.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’d consider that kicking his ass.”

“This…This feeling will go away eventually, right?” For some reason, you can’t lift your voice higher than a whisper as you force the words out.

“Which one? The gaping hole or the soul-crushing anxiety?” He throws his arm over your shoulders.

“Both.”

“Unfortunately, I don’t think so.” He sighs. “I’ve heard from many that you kinda just…learn how to live with it.”

“Even though he can’t.”

“Even though he can’t,” Chenle repeats. “Guess the hardest part of all of this is that he won’t grow up with us, huh?”

You inhale sharply and cover your mouth. “Damn it.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he says. “I’ve been a damn roller coaster this whole week. You don’t have to be scared to feel around me. You know that.”

“It feels so fucking selfish,” you breathe out. “I haven’t seen him in…months, so do I even really have the right to be this sad?”

“Are you kidding me?” Chenle scoffs.

“Would he even want me here right now?”

“Do you hear yourself?” Your friend gapes at you. “He never stopped talking about the next time you’d be in town. Neither of us have ever even had a negative thought about you, dude. You should know that. There was never a time where he didn’t want you here.”

“I guess I just thought we’d have more time,” you say.

“The world waits for no one.”

When nightfall comes, you and Chenle go to your separate rooms. He bids you goodnight, and you close your door. You sit on the edge of the bed and take in the room around you. Everything has changed immensely since the last time you were in your hometown. Your best friend bought a house, and you’d barely even thought or heard about it. Pride in him surges through you, but for a moment, you think it may be misplaced.

You don’t deserve to be proud of someone you’ve failed to talk to as often as you should have. Losing Jay has torn your world apart, and you still don’t truly believe it. You change into your tank top and shorts, and then grab your toothbrush and toothpaste from your bag.

You’re on your way to the bathroom when you find Chenle in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and bringing a glass of water up to his lips. He gives you a tired nod.

“You’re still up?”

“Sleep on a day like this?” He lets out a sarcastic laugh. “I’ll probably have some crazy ass dream or something.”

You forget your adventure to his bathroom and approach the kitchen island. Without a word between the two of you, he goes into the cupboard to get you a cup as well. He fills it with water and slides it across the countertop.

“Thanks,” you say.

He nods once and crosses his arms over his chest. “How’s life going, though? Current events aside.”

“Life is a constant revolving door of work,” you tell him. “Working my way up the corporate ladder and all that bullshit they spew.”

“You look good. As long as you’re getting all the things you wanted, I’m good, too.” He closes his eyes and tilts his head back.

“Kind of debating if it was worth it at this point.” You sigh. “I’m proud of you, by the way. Buying a house on your own is a big deal.”

“Family business money.”

“You work. You earned it.”

“I guess that’s true. Thanks.” He pauses. “I’m glad you’re here. I don’t think I’d be okay if you weren’t.”

“Like I’d ever leave you to deal with something like this alone.” You tap your fingers against the granite, admiring the swirls of color deep in the design.

“Regardless, I needed you.” Chenle gulps, glancing at his feet. “I still do. Now more than ever with Jay gone.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t come?” you ask.

He wets his lips and takes the bottom one between his teeth. “It’s not that I thought that, necessarily, but I did wonder if you were. I didn’t hear from you, so I kind of just hoped.”

Guilt takes another stab at your heart. “Chenle, I—”

“Don’t apologize again,” he replies sternly. “Life is life. There’s no way any of us could’ve predicted this, okay? Sometimes, shit happens. Not being around a lot isn’t the end of the world.”

“It was for Jay.”

“You were not the end of the world. You didn’t kill him, for fuck’s sake. There’s nothing any of us could’ve done. And reminiscing on it like this and placing unplaceable blame on ourselves is going to make things harder.” He sets his cup in the sink.

“I know. I know that, but for some reason, my head keeps—”

“Let’s watch a movie,” he offers. “Maybe it’ll distract you a little bit.”

You agree, and go into the bathroom to brush your teeth before you follow him into his room. It’s so innately Chenle in there, you immediately feel relaxed. Some things never change, and you’re glad he’s one of those things.

“Sorry, I don’t have a TV in the living room,” he says as he pulls his covers back.

“Just roll me off if I fall asleep,” you reply, climbing onto the untouched side.

Eventually, he’s next to you, and you rest your head on his chest while he finds something to watch. He selects some random comedy movie and then shuffles to put his arm around you.

His scent is familiar, too. The world calms around you when you’re with Chenle. One out of two of your safe places has left the Earth, but luckily for you, Chenle is more than ready to play both roles.

The movie does, indeed, successfully distract you from the impending doom of everything outside. You’re able to forget, even if it’s just for a couple hours, and sink into the familiarity of your best friend.

His chest rumbles when he laughs at the screen, and the feeling has you drifting faster than you’d care to admit.

Until finally, your eyes flutter shut and stay that way, and just like that, you have the best night of sleep you’ve had all week.

You wake in the morning to sunlight on your face and Chenle wiggling away from you. The brightness burns your eyes, and you curse under your breath. Chenle bites back a laugh.

“Did I wake you up?” he asks. “I was about to go make some coffee for us.”

You shake your head and turn onto your back. “No, the sun violated me. Sorry for falling asleep in here. I thought I’d be able to catch myself.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He waves you off. “You still like your coffee the same way?”

You nod. “Thanks, Lele.”

“Of course.” He pats the door frame and heads to the kitchen. The creaks in the floorboards from his steps get further and further, and you cover your face with your hands to block out the sun.

You smell the coffee as it brews, a sigh escaping your lips. His bed is the most comfortable thing you’ve slept on in a while, and you can’t seem to force yourself to get up. You and Chenle had spent the night together many times before, pretty much throughout your entire lives. Jay, too, of course, considering how inseparable the three of you had been growing up.

“Alright, lazy ass,” Chenle calls out. “Coffee’s ready. Time to face the world.”

“Asshole,” you shout back.

“That’s what they call me.”

You laugh and roll your eyes. Swinging the covers off of you, you follow him into the kitchen.

“The fuck is your mattress made of?” you ask as you take the cup he hands you. “Clouds?”

“It’s pretty nice, isn’t it?” He sips his coffee and cringes from the heat.

“The steam is like, a dead giveaway that it’s too hot to drink, you know.”

“I take back what I said, go back to sleep.” He grins. “Getting a decent night’s sleep has brought your sass back.”

“You know you love my sass,” you bite back.

He holds his hand up in mock surrender. “Whatever.”

“What’s the plan for today?” you ask, holding your cup close so it warms you up.

“No clue,” he says. “My parents gave me a few weeks off to, I don’t know, adjust or whatever. Even though I could probably use the distraction.”

“Comedy movie didn’t do it for you?”

He gives you a pointed look. “A two hour movie can only do so much.”

“We should do something for him,” you suggest, tilting your head as you try to think. “Like, to honor him.”

“What could we do?”

“Sky’s the limit.” You shrug. “I feel like I should.”

“If you do, it needs to be actually for him. Not to compensate for guilt. Guilt you shouldn’t even be feeling, by the way.” His eyes on you suddenly becomes too much. You avert your gaze. He’s always been able to read you like a book.

“It’s really weird,” you say. “Right now, I don’t feel…anything. But I really thought I’d be in a constant state of sad. That makes me feel guilty, too.”

“I get that. It’s the way things work, though. At the end of the day, we’re still alive. We shouldn’t stop just because he did.” Chenle looks past you to the picture on the wall.

You follow suit, letting the events from yesterday flood back to you.

“Lele.” You wait for him to look at you. “Thank you. For everything. And for not letting me blame myself. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d be alone and sad and, quite honestly, wondering where I—”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.” You glare at him.

He smiles. “You get it.”

You and Chenle spend some time with your parents. They’re quick to update you on everything everyone in the town has been doing, and you and Chenle exchange ‘when-will-this-be-over’ glances frequently. 

Chenle offers to help your dad cook, leaving you and your mother in the living room. She brings out an old photo album, and the two of you take a trip down memory lane. After flipping through a few pages, she gasps and points at a picture of you and Chenle next to each other at a bonfire. You’re holding the graham crackers, awaiting the marshmallow he’s toasting over the flames.

“You guys were so young.” She lets out a long sigh.

“Mom, that was like, six years ago.” You laugh. “We weren’t that young.”

She trails down the page, and the next one is almost the same, but Jay’s arms are around you and Chenle, and he beams straight into the camera. You smile at the sight, remembering how you swatted at his wrist the second after the photo was taken.

“You know, we all thought you and Jay would get married one day,” she says absent-mindedly.

“What?” you ask incredulously. “Seriously? Come on, you know we were never like that.”

“You kids don’t see it from the outside. I’ve never seen you act so comfortable with anyone. Chenle, too, obviously. I can’t explain it. It was different with you and Jay.”

“I promise you, he’s only ever been my best friend. Not even a smidge of another thought. Don’t speak ill of the dead like that—”

“(Y/N),” your mother scolds you, smacking your arm.

“No need to beat around the bush.” You shrug and close the album.

“Hey, do you—” Chenle’s cut off by your mother.

“If you actually visited as much as you said you would, maybe things would’ve happened for the two of you.”

She doesn’t mean it the way you take it, at least you don’t think she does, but it’s a stray bullet to the heart anyway. Your jaw drops, and it only takes one glance from Chenle for him to understand. He reaches into his pocket and hands you his keys.

“Go get in the car.”

“Chenle, it’s not—”

“Go. I’ll be out in a second.”

Your insides twist and turn, and despite the way your throat closes in on itself, you nod and practically bolt out of the house. The first tear drops as you climb into the passenger seat. You close your eyes and drop your head into your hands. How did life turn out this way?

It’s true that you and Jay had never had any sort of feelings for each other, but the insinuation that he should’ve been more confuses you more than anything. If he should’ve been, you lost that chance before you even knew it existed. But it doesn’t matter, does it?

You never had feelings for him. Never. But for some reason, it suddenly feels like you have to.

Now, a different type of guilt sinks in.

You’re shaking by the time Chenle gets in the car, but he doesn’t say anything before he drives away. Stress boils off of him, and you’re almost scared to glance over at him. Luckily, the ride to his house is short thanks to your small hometown, and as soon as you’re out of the car and inside, he lets out a loud sigh.

You intend to quietly and quickly head into your own room, where you’ll cry until you fall asleep or you need more water before you can shed a single additional tear.

“Don’t even think about it,” Chenle says, grabbing onto your wrist. “Talk to me.”

You stumble into his chest and hold onto his T-shirt like your life depends on it. He cradles the back of your head and sighs, thumb stroking your scalp.

“Don’t let them get to you,” he whispers. “They don’t understand.”

“What if she was right?” you choke out.

He leans away from you to look at your face. “Did you? Ever have feelings for him?”

“No, but what if—”

“There’s no use thinking about things like that.” Chenle’s brows furrow as he scans over your face.

“And now I’ll never know if he ever thought like that, and it’s my fault—it’s not what I wanted, because you know I’d rather fist fight him than anything else, but God, what if he—”

“(Y/N).” His palms reach up to cup your cheeks, making you look straight at him as he guides you to breathe. “I can very confidently say that Jay didn't have any sort of romantic feelings for you at any point, okay? Just take a deep breath.”

“I look like an idiot, don’t I?”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “No, you don’t. You look like someone who really cares for someone they just lost. These feelings are normal, dude.”

“I don’t think you were ever worried about Jay potentially having feelings for you,” you mumble.

“He was very much into women, so definitely never a worry on my part.” Chenle snorts and pulls you back into a hug. “She shouldn’t have said something like that to you. You’re probably hungry, too. I’ll order us some pizza.”

“Let me pay for it,” you say, reaching into your purse for your card.

“Next time.” He nudges you before walking into the kitchen.

You sigh and follow him, quickly wiping the wetness from your cheeks. He’s typing away on his phone screen, resting his elbows on the counter. He runs his fingers through his hair and sends a quick smile your way.

Without Jay around, things with Chenle felt off at first. Everything changed for all of the people you knew in the blink of an eye, and now, you’re left with one of two of your best friends while the other is galavanting up in the sky.

Things would never be the same for you, but you still have Chenle. And at the end of the day, he’s one of the only people in the entire world that have ever understood you. You don’t even need to say a word for him to get a read on you.

“Pizza’s ordered.” He drops his phone onto the granite. “I need a drink. Do you want something? I only have beer and liquor.”

“Beer’s fine,” you tell him. “I shouldn’t drink too much anyway.”

You’re halfway through the can when the pizza arrives. Chenle grabs you a piece, and you pause for a moment. This whole time, he’s been doing things for you—and it’s not just now either. It’s been like this for your entire life. Until the time you moved across the country on your own, you’d barely ever even opened a door for yourself.

You down the rest of your drink, and Chenle blinks at you rapidly.

“Are you good?” He chuckles.

“Just thinking of how good I had it here.” You shrug. “When I lived here, and I got to hang out with you and Jay all the time. I never felt lonely or sad or anything like that. Always happy with you guys.”

His face softens. “I miss those days.”

“Me too.” Right when you open your mouth to continue, Chenle stops you.

“Don’t.” He points at you. “We were the ones who told you to go in the first place.”

The two of you eat in a peaceful silence, where you steal a couple glances at your long time friend. Had you come home any other time before this, Jay would be here, too, and he’d most likely be making fun of you and Chenle right now. It’s like things have gone back to day one, and neither of you are sure how to interact with each other. The atmosphere, the air, the storyline has all massively shifted. You’re unsure of what to do.

“I’m gonna watch another movie,” Chenle says absentmindedly as he finishes sending a message on his phone. “You in?”

“Oh, not this time.” You shake your head. “I’m exhausted. Last thing you need is me hogging your bed again all night.”

He laughs. “Door’s open if you change your mind. Night.”

“Goodnight,” you tell him, watching as he retreats into his room.

The click signifies he’s out of sight, out of mind. You let out a long sigh and clean up your plate before heading into your own room. It’s not as homey as Chenle’s, and the mattress isn’t as cloudy either, but you’ll make do. With a deep breath, you rest back on your pillow, staring up at the ceiling.

Part of you wants to be with Chenle, but the other side of you knows you need to learn how to be okay on your own, too. If Jay’s death has taught you anything, it’s that not everyone you rely on will be around forever. Maybe if you’d relied on him less—

God damn it. You run your hands down your face, opting to scroll through your phone. Halfway through a random video, you receive a text from Chenle.

It’s a simple message of ‘found this and figured you’d want to see.’ It’s a picture of you and Jay, where you look like you’re ready to punch him in the face, and he’s beaming widely as if he’s the funniest person alive.

The photo makes you smile. Your memories of him will stand through the test of time, but that doesn’t mean you’re not going to feel it. One thing’s for certain—his loss will always be felt. You’ll just try and make the most of the time you have left, because it’s very clearly fleeting.

You feel decent enough that you start to drift to sleep, but it’s your dreams that send you through a whirlwind. Images of your earlier years flash through your mind, and you relive some experiences you’d forgotten about. When Jay found out his first girlfriend cheated on him, or when he and Chenle got into their first ever argument and made you be the mediator. Happy memories suddenly came to an end when your dream showed him in his casket, surrounded by the people who love him—the people you abandoned to follow your dream.

You jolt awake, tears burning at your eyes despite refusing to fall. When you look at the clock, hours have passed, and it’s well into the middle of the night. You pat your cheeks to ground yourself to the real world, and overwhelming worry hits you.

What if you lose Chenle in the same way? What if all this time that was wasted is truly…gone, and you’ll never be able to make it up?

You never got to say goodbye to Jay. The days will continue to get colder, but he’ll always be cemented on a bright summer day in the middle of June. Winters without him will be like a frozen hell, and the summers will never be quite as sweet. Your heart pounds in your chest where your guilt resides, and there’s only one solution you know that’ll work.

You throw your blanket off your body and slide out of bed. The floors of Chenle’s house creak beneath your feet as you walk the short distance from your room to his. You contemplate knocking first, but you’re pretty sure he’s asleep anyway.

When you push the door open, the noise catches his attention. He turns over, eyebrows furrowed as he catches you in the frame.

“(Y/N)?”

“Hey,” you mutter, clasping your hands together. “Sorry, I thought you’d be asleep.”

“Nah.” He sits up. “Not doing too great at that these days.”

“Oh. Well, um, do you wanna watch that movie?”

Chenle smiles gently at you and pats the other side of his bed. “For sure.”

You end up next to him, resting your head on him like you did last time. He wraps his arm around you and gently taps his fingers against your shoulder. Eventually, you completely relax and stare forward at the screen. Despite the movie playing, you already feel your tiredness pulling at you again.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly. “It’s just…late. You weren’t asleep?”

“I…” You pause and turn to look at him. “You want me to be honest?”

“Always.”

“I’m so…scared. I’m not really sure of what, but I have this ball of worry in me. It like, physically hurts.” You roll your eyes and tighten your grip on him.

“I get it,” he murmurs. “Seriously. When things like this happen, it’s normal to feel that way. And it doesn’t make you selfish.”

A lump forms in your throat. “I—Chenle, I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he reassures you, pulling you closer to hug you. “I promise you, you’ll always have me.”

“But we never know, do we?” Your voice shakes. “All of it could be over in the blink of an eye—”

He cups your cheeks. “Just relax, okay? I’m right here. I’ve thought the same things about you, you know. To the point where I’m scared to let you out of my sight. But living in fear is worse than not living at all.”

“What do we do without…” You groan as the first tear falls, but before you reach up to wipe it away, Chenle beats you to it.

“We do exactly what he’d want us to do. Keep going and make life whatever we want it to be. He’d be so pissed if he knew we were sad right now.”

“God, he would.” You let out a short laugh. “He’s glaring at us, isn’t he?”

“Oh, for sure. For this and for having a fucking sleepover without him.” Chenle’s smile widens.

“He loved sleepovers.”

“He was insufferable about them,” he interjects.

“Thank you,” you whisper. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’ll never have to find out,” he says, and despite the obvious part of all of it being out of his control, something settles in you.

Your brows furrow as you gulp, studying him to figure out what about this feels…shifted. Things don’t feel like they have every single time you’ve come home in the past, but that may be because of the obvious. There was always three of you. How do you recover from that and become two?

“You don’t have to feel weird about staying in here,” Chenle tells you. “I sleep better when I’m not alone, anyway.”

“It’s not just being alone…I think I sleep better because it’s you.” You curl further into him, and he squeezes you gently.

“Me too.” He runs his fingers through your hair.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“What did you say earlier? To my mom.”

“Oh, not much.” He shrugs. “Just that it was shitty to say something like that to you after everything that’s happened recently. And that you already feel bad enough, and she doesn’t need to make it worse when it’s not your fault to begin with.”

“Not much, huh?” You chuckle.

“It wasn’t enough,” he replies. “I could’ve ranted for hours about how that whole thing was bullshit. But I figured you’d be hungry, so I took you home instead.”

Home.

His home. Not yours. But you’ve never quite felt like you belonged anywhere as much as you do right now. You slide your legs to tangle them with his, and he intertwines his fingers with yours. Without explanation, your heart skips a beat. The warmth of his palm against yours has your mind in overdrive, but you don’t acknowledge it.

“Try and get some sleep,” he whispers.

You nod, terrified of shattering whatever shroud of calm is over you. Instead of a verbal response, you just close your eyes and try to ignore whatever that nagging feeling is snapping at the back of your brain.

Chenle lets out a short sigh, and it doesn’t take long for his breathing to even out. You listen to the steady thumping of his heart, the rhythm guiding you closer to falling asleep. It doesn’t matter what happens. He’s alive. The sound you’re hearing is proof of that, so at that moment you make a vow to yourself. To him.

You’ll never let distance separate you two again. You’ll never let him go the same way you did with Jay.

You’re going to be better.

And that promise, resounding in your soul, is enough to make the night around you fade to black.

A week and a half passes, and you’ve yet to spend an entire night on your own. You try, but every single time, either your or Chenle cave. Sometimes, he’d crawl into your bed without a word, pull you close to him, and breathe you in before falling asleep in silence.

He very quickly becomes your comfort. The only person you want to be around or talk to in the wake of a monumental loss. You try not to let Jay consume your thoughts, but every time you allow your mind to wander, he’s waiting for you at every corner.

The only time you’re truly at ease is with Chenle, and you’ve started getting used to being around him all the time. Today in particular, the two of you decided to have an impromptu picnic in the backyard, the sunset turning the sky oranges and pinks. Both of you lie flat on a blanket he spread out, staring up at the clouds as they scour across the sky.

An empty wine bottle is on the grass not even a foot away from you, and another one is half empty in between you and Chenle. You’ve had just enough to bring a calm, steady feeling over you, and you’re able to forget the world for a moment.

Your best friend lets out a sigh, shuffling a bit closer to you.

“What’s up?��� you ask him, turning your head to look at him.

You’re lost in the way the sunset illuminates his face, how overwhelming Chenle he is while equally being reminiscent of an angel.

“You think he’s up there?” he whispers.

Your gaze returns to the sky. “I’d like to think so.”

“He better be. We both know he wouldn’t last a day in Hell.” He chuckles to himself, shaking his head. “I guess I’ve been thinking like that recently. About where we go after…”

“You know I’ve always had a sixth sense about him.” You nudge his arm. “Wherever he is, he’s happy. I can feel it.”

“God, I hope so.” Chenle inhales sharply. “I just wish…I don’t know. That there was something I could’ve done to prevent all of this.”

“Don’t. You’re the one who told me the what-ifs are pointless. There’s nothing we can do to change that he’s gone, but we keep him alive in our memories. That’s what he’d want.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” he admits as he clasps his hands together over his stomach.

“What do you mean?” you ask.

He wets his lips. “Jay’s gone. You’ll go back to work eventually. It’ll just be me here, and I—am I behind? Should I be doing something with my fucking life?”

“Chenle—”

“You’ve got these amazing opportunities out there for you, (Y/N). Jay doesn’t get the chance to try, and I’m gonna waste my fucking life away in this God damned town.” He gulps and lets out a defeated sigh. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be doing this right now. And I hope you know this isn’t your fault—”

“Zhong Chenle, would you look at me?” you snap, waiting for him to turn his head.

Chenle furrows his eyebrows, and as his eyes meet yours, you see the desperate worry behind them. The fear of a meaningless life after the loss of a friend who could never do better now that he’s gone, and the knowledge that his other friend got out while she could.

You know him like the back of your hand. He doesn’t want this life. Truth be told, he never did. He wanted to make something of himself, much like you were doing now, and he never got the chance. No moves were made.

You want to tell him there’s still time, but you know better than to go there at this point. With a soft smile, you reach over and cup his cheek, allowing your thumb to run over his cheekbone.

“It’s not your fault. There was nothing either of us could do to stop this, okay? And do you know how pissed Jay would be hearing you talk about yourself like this? Chenle, you’re the best person I’ve ever known. If there’s anyone in this world who can take it by storm, it’s you.” You pause and take a deep breath. “Jay…dying doesn’t mean you have to lay here and die, too.”

“I needed you,” he says. “When he died, I needed you, and you were here. And you always know what to say or what to do. Helping you took the thoughts away from me, because as long as you needed me, I was distracted from feeling fucking helpless about everything.”

“I needed you, too,” you tell him.

His frown deepens, but his gaze softens. Your heart seems to skip a beat, and you still haven’t moved your hand from his face. The stare you’re locked in with him has energy thrumming through your veins, and the atmosphere around you shifts. A slight purple hue from the sky flutters against his skin.

“I still do,” he murmurs.

You nod. “Me, too. I’m not going anywhere, Lele.”

As his eyes travel down to your mouth, you quickly find yourself doing the same. Your imagination runs wild, wondering what his lips would feel like against yours. Everything that happens next is so quick, you almost don’t believe it’s true.

Both of you seem to lean forward at the same time, and his mouth brushes yours. His hand ends up on your hip, and yours moves up to his hair. The soft strands have your breath hitching, and the next thing you know, he’s kissing you. You’re kissing him. You’ve never considered anything like this with Chenle before, but nothing in your life has ever felt so right.

His lips work so perfectly against yours, you forget about absolutely everything except for him. Fingers gripping onto the fabric of your shirt, he shifts closer to you to close the rest of the distance. You attempt to follow his lead, but you’re interrupted by the wine bottle between you falls right onto your lap, the deep red liquid making you gasp as it soaks into your pants.

“Shit,” you curse, jolting away from Chenle.

He quickly grabs some of the paper towel he brought outside and attempts to soak up the alcohol soaked into your clothing. His hand presses against your thigh, and with a gasp, you realize what truly happened.

You just kissed Chenle. You would’ve continued kissing him, too, if the stupid bottle hadn’t been in the way. But now you’ve got his fingers digging into your leg, the warmth zinging through your veins like lightning as you swat his hands away.

“(Y/N), I—”

“Don’t.” You shake your head. “Everything’s fine.”

You quickly stand and make your way into his house to change. And to avoid what will come of this situation. Once you’re in your room, you close the door and lock it behind you, sinking down until you’re sitting on the floor.

You don’t care about your pants. Every aspect of your life has been upheaved this week. You don’t need things to change with Chenle, too. Ever since you were little, you, Jay, and Chenle had always been open and honest with each other—probably too much, in hindsight, but you trusted them both with your life. As far as you were aware, none of you had ever even come close to romantic feelings for each other.

When Chenle said he needs you, is that what he meant? Does he need you or does he need someone?

Your calm buzz from the wine has disappeared, and now panic sets in. You already lost one best friend, and you refuse to lose another. It doesn’t matter how much you wanted to kiss him. Or how much you enjoyed it. Or how badly you want to go out there and ask him what the hell he was thinking.

You flinch at the knocking.

“(Y/N)? Are you okay?” His voice is strained, like he’s having just as hard of a time as you are.

When you don’t answer, you hear a shuddering breath escape him.

“(Y/N), please,” he pleads. “I’m so sorry. Seriously, I have no idea what came over me, and I just—I need you, okay? I can’t be alone right now.”

You sniffle and stand up, cracking the door open so you can see him.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “Please don’t hate me.”

“You idiot, I could never hate you,” you reassure him, pulling him into a hug.

He sighs in relief, the tension in his body deflating as he holds you as tightly as he can. And before you know it, he’s shuddering in your grasp, his body wracked with sobs. Your heart shatters, and you cradle the back of his head. He practically collapses into you, and it has both of you on the floor.

You’ve never seen him like this before. Worry has your stomach twisting and turning, and all you can do is run your fingers through his hair and make sure he knows you’re here. That you’ll never go anywhere without him again.

“I’m so sorry.” Barely coherent, he tightens his grip on you.

“It’s okay,” you whisper, rocking him back and forth as you fight your own tears. “Everything’s okay. I promise, Lele, I’ve got you.”

After a while of you rocking him back and forth, he stops crying. Your shirt is soaked, but you couldn’t care less. You know he needed this, to finally let go of every pent up emotion trapped in his heart, and you want to make sure his thoughts won’t build up like that again.

He falls asleep against you, his grip not loosening. Eventually, you doze off too.

When you wake up, you quickly realize you’re now laying in your bed. The room is pitch black, and it takes you a moment to adjust. Chenle’s nowhere to be found, even when you pat the bed next to you to see if he’d taken his normal spot.

You toss the blanket off your lap. Before leaving the room, you change your wine-stained pants to shorts, and swap your shirt out for a T-shirt. As you walk into the kitchen, you’re surprised to find the light on. Chenle sits at the table, a glass filled with bronze liquid in front of him. With his palms covering his face, he sighs.

“Lele,” you mutter, voice hoarse from sleep.

His tired eyes meet yours, and he quickly averts his gaze and takes a sip of his drink. You shuffle closer and sit directly across from him, clasping your fingers together.

“You’re still up?” you ask.

He nods once.

“Can you talk to me please? This is scaring me.”

He gulps. “I’m so sorry. For earlier. All of it. I have no idea what got into me, and then just—I should’ve left you alone after, too, and I didn’t, and I feel like a fucking ass—”

“Clearly, you’ve had some pent up emotions going on. It’s okay to be confused about them, and I’d never be mad at you for needing me. You’re my best friend. One kiss is not going to ruin us or something. If this is the first time you’ve cried for real since Jay died, you needed that, too.”

“I’m…I don’t know. Embarrassed?”

“Oh, come on.” You scoff. “You’ve done way more embarrassing things in your life that I’ve witnessed.”

“It’s different now.” He frowns.

“Different? How?”

“Everything is different. Jay’s gone, we’ve both changed as people, our families barely even talk anymore. And you know they’ve been best friends for as long as we’ve been alive. If they can drift apart, does that mean we will, too?” he rants, tugging his fingers through his hair.

“Is that what last night was about?”

“I can’t lose you, okay? I panicked last night after I kissed you, ‘cause it felt like I’d ruined everything. And you like, ran away from me, and I—shit, I don’t know. Everything inside me just…froze. All I could think about was that if you left me, too, I’d be completely alone.” He downs the last of his drink, cringing as the liquid rolls down his throat.

“I would never leave you. No matter what.” You reach across the table and grab his hand. “Whatever that meant for you, whether it was an impulsive decision or if you truly wanted it, you can be honest with me. We’re going through a big change right now, you know. Things are going to be confusing and the only way we’ll ever get through it is if we talk about those confusing things.”

He stares where you’re touching him, jaw tightening as his chest rises. “It wasn’t the first time I wanted to.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry if that’s weird—”

“Don’t. Just keep talking.”

“I don’t know what’s going on with me, honestly. I just…it feels like you’re the only person who understands me. The only one who ever will understand me.” His voice shakes as he speaks, and his grip tightens. “Ever since you’ve been back, things have…changed for me, I guess.”

Your heart pounds, apparently hammering against your throat and making it hard to breathe. You refuse to allow any reaction to come out until he’s done, because that’ll counteract everything you’re trying to do here.

“And I don’t know how they’ve changed, to be fair. It’s different. That’s all I know. We’re closer than we’ve ever been, and um…” He closes his eyes, forehead wrinkling as he gains the courage to continue.

“It’s okay,” you tell him. “Keep talking. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I think I…like you.” Chenle’s shoulders slump as the words escape him. “But this is so…so much right after everything with Jay, and I don’t know if I really do, or if it’s because—”

“I get it, Lele.” You send a small smile his way. “It’s not weird, and I completely understand what you’re talking about. At the end of the day, we’ll always be best friends. So if this is something you want to explore, the worst case scenario is we end up right back to being friends, right?”

His widened eyes dart back to yours, shock evident on his face. “What?”

“There’s only one way to figure out if it’s real or if it’s a product of circumstances.” You shrug. “And honestly, I’ve been…the same, I think. I kissed you out there, too. But we don’t have to make this weird. We can let things naturally progress if they do, and until then, we’ll just be us. Okay?”

“How long?” he asks quietly. “When did you start…”

“The night we came back here after everything my mom said,” you tell him. “I needed you, and you refused to leave my side.”

“It was that day for me, too. I saw the look on your face when she said all those things to you. The thought of you and Jay like that got me thinking, I guess.” He lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank you for not making this weird.”

“It doesn’t have to be. We’re both adults and we’ve known each other our whole lives. There’s nothing wrong with…exploring something as long as we’ll be okay after if it doesn’t work out.” You release his hand and grab the cup in front of him.

When you stand to put it in the sink, he leans back in his chair and watches you. You’re surprised by yourself, truly, because you expected some sort of awkwardness to start between the two of you after your conversation, but everything feels the same.

You make eye contact with him over your shoulder, and he gives you a small smile. When you make it back over to him, you put your hands on his shoulders.

“You need to get some rest,” you tell him.

“Come with me?” He places his hand over yours.

“Sure.”

He stands, and when he faces you again, the distance between the two of you is minuscule. You’ve known the man in front of you for your whole life. You’ve spent all that time with him, never quite feeling the way you do now.

Maybe it’s because of Jay’s passing, and the two of you are desperately grasping onto something familiar. There’s a pretty decent chance of that, but also…maybe this is how things were always meant to be.

You’re not entirely sure what to expect at this moment, but he pulls you into a hug, squeezing you tightly. You relax in his grasp, returning his gesture with ease. When he lets you go, he grabs your hand and leads you to his bedroom, and just like most nights before this one, the two of you quickly fall asleep wrapped up in each other.

A few days pass with no changes. You woke up first this morning, so you head into his kitchen to start the coffee. Leaning the small of your back on the counter, you close your eyes and inhale the scent of the dark, brewing liquid. Chenle’s shirt hangs off your shoulder, and it’s almost long enough to cover your shorts.

There’s a short knock on the front door, and with a frown, you move to answer it. When you open it, you’re surprised to find a woman behind it. She seems familiar, but you can’t place it.

“(Y/N)?” She frowns, eyeing you. “What are you doing here?”

You chuckle. “Sorry, do we know each other?”

“Oh, you probably don’t know me. Chenle and I dated not too long ago, and he used to tell me about you all the time. I heard about Jay and wanted to stop by and make sure he was okay.”

“Oh, he’s—” You pause, wondering what you should even say to this girl. “He’s sleeping right now. If you come back later, I’m sure he’ll be…um, accepting of conversation.”

Recognition comes back to you as soon as she explains who she is. They broke up over six months ago, and while Chenle didn’t really tell you why, he said he broke up with her. You hear footsteps behind you, and relief floods when you feel Chenle’s presence behind you.

“Did you need something?” he asks her.

“I, um, I heard about Jay. I know how close you guys were, so I wanted to see how you were doing. How are you doing? It’s probably good that (Y/N)’s back, right?” she rambles, clasping her hands together behind her back.

“Thanks for stopping by, but I’m alright. Having (Y/N) back is great, and you should probably get going.” Chenle’s tone stays steady, and you’re shocked to find him so stern with her.

“Chenle, I—”

“I don’t know what your goal was in showing up here, but you shouldn’t have. (Y/N), close the door please.”

You shoot a nervous glance over your shoulder, and then an awkward smile to the girl on the other side, and then do as he says. After, you turn to face him with a raised eyebrow.

“Not even worth the conversation,” he says, shaking his head. “Is that coffee I smell?”

You nod.  “Yep, I figured you’ve made me enough coffee, so it’s probably my turn.”

You rest the small of your back against the counter, and he approaches you, placing his hands on either side of you as he leans closer to you. Your heart races, lodged in your throat as you await his next move.

“You know, your eyes dilate when you look at me,” he teases you.

“Shut up.” You gently push at his chest and laugh. “It’s only because you piss me off.”

“Not according to science.” He gives you a smug grin.

“I cannot believe you’re flirting with me right now,” you tell him, scoffing. “I haven’t even had any coffee yet. I can’t keep up.”

It’s been days since the kiss. So much time has passed, and he hasn’t even so much as tried to kiss you again. The way his gaze flicks down and his smile fades has every logical thought escaping your brain.

“Relax,” he whispers. “It’ll never feel normal if you don’t.”

You let the tension release from your shoulders, and you nod. His hand slides beneath the hem of your shirt, the warmth of his palm directly on your hip. Your face heats up at the gesture, unsure of how to reciprocate or let him know you like it.

“I think we should really talk about all of that, though.” You clear your throat.

He quirks an eyebrow at you. “We’ll talk about it soon. Not at this very second.”

He lifts his other hand to the back of your neck, his thumb stroking your skin as he leans forward. You meet him in the middle and grip onto his shoulders. The kiss is short, and as he pulls away, his eyes flutter open.

“Again,” you say.

He kisses you again, and this time, he moves a little closer to you to make sure his chest is against yours. His fingers weave into your hair, and you let out a short moan. Embarrassment floods through you as you pull away from him and drop your head against his chest.

“Did you just—”

“Don’t you dare.” You shake your head.

“Maybe we should put everything out on the table,” he continues. “Like what…um, what we’re okay with during our…this, and what things are off-limits.”

“I would think that things shouldn’t be off-limits if we’re trying to see if this is real. If we’re…compatible.” Your cheeks burn as the words leave your mouth. “Why are we being like this? We’ve never been awkward talking about sex.”

His eyes widen and his face turns bright red. “Probably because we’ve never talked about sex together. Like me and you.”

“That’s really weird to think about.”

“Sure is.”

“Should we…move on? I think the coffee’s done.” You push his arm away so you can slide away from him. Clearing your throat, you grab two coffee cups from the cupboard.

Chenle leans his back against the counter where you’d just been, with his arms crossed over his chest. You make both coffees and mix them together before turning around to hand him his. He takes it with a smile and a quick thank you, and then you sip your own.

“So,” you start. “Tell me what happened with that girl.”

He sighs. “You really wanna know?”

“Of course, I do. It’s a little weird that I don’t know already.”

“She was weirdly obsessed with you and Jay. Like, constantly was bringing you up despite never having met you, and just…it was weird. Kinda gave me the vibes that she’d just be jealous all the time when you did come around.” He pauses, pursing his lips as he thinks further. “That, and she tried to fuck Jay.”

You choke on your coffee. “Hello? She did what?”

“Yep. Jay came to me immediately, obviously, and I broke up with her right after.” He shrugs. “We weren’t together for that long.”

“It was weird because she did act like she knew me.” You set your cup down on the counter and approach him again. Wrapping your arms around him, you place your head on his chest. He squeezes you closer to him.

“Jay and I talked about you all the time,” he reminds you. “C’mon, you’re our favorite person. Of course, everyone in our lives would know you.”

“You two have always loved to talk, that’s for sure.” You grin up at him, and he feigns annoyance and pokes your side.

It becomes an unspoken rule between the two of you that you’ll start trying to let things happen as naturally as possible. Living in a small town makes it nearly impossible to keep gossip from spreading, so any time you go out together, you make it look as friendly as possible. Regardless, people were going to talk anyway.

You and Chenle are halfway through a bottle of wine at dinner when both your mom and his mom show up. Chenle shares a panicked look with you, but you scoot over to let your mom sit down.

“What are you two doing here?” you ask.

“Yu Baeyoung said she saw you here.” Your mom nudges your arm.

You chuckle. “Yes, I’ve been around for almost a month and a half now.”

“No, silly, she means here. With Chenle,” his mom interjects.

Chenle’s face scrunches up. “Let’s not do this right now.”

“Do what?” Your mom’s brow raises.

“You guys have done this to us our entire lives.” You scratch the top of your head. “Can’t two friends enjoy dinner without meddling?”

“This is a nice place for a couple of friends to hang out.” His mom gestures to the wine. “Drink choice doesn’t seem friendly either.”

“Would you prefer us slamming shots of tequila?” Chenle presses his lips together in a thin line, but he’s incredibly stiff.

You decided not to tell your families about any of this for this exact reason—they’d get way too far ahead of themselves, and the last thing you need is for this not to work out and both sides asking hundreds of questions.

“Baeyoung said she’s seen you guys around together a lot, actually—”

“Mom, please.” Chenle lets out a long sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. “If we had something to tell you, we’d let you know. And if you did think we were here for…I don’t know, whatever, why would you butt in instead of letting us continue?”

You grab your wine glass and finish off what’s left in it.

“We’re just curious.” Your mom pouts and crosses her arms over her chest. “I think you’d be good for each other—”

“For the love of God, you were saying you wanted me with Jay for years just last week. Can I have friends ever? I really think you should go.” You don’t know what part of that sinks under your skin and picks at your soul, but you’re already on a tightrope with your mother.

“Oh, don’t be like that.” She waves you off.

“All due respect, but we’re trying to be normal after our best friend died, okay?” Chenle scoffs and taps his fingers on the table. “The three of us used to go out like this all the time. We’re learning to live without Jay, and it sucks, so if you could not assume things this fast, that’d be great.”

Guilt sinks into your heart, and you drop your head into your hands. You wish you knew what Jay would think of all of this. If he’d call you both crazy for trying to be together when you’ve lost him, a pivotal piece of this friendship circle.

“Chenle, that’s a bit much, don’t you think?” his mom asks.

“It’s not. It’s really not. And not only was he our best friend, but he was the first…passing we’ve experienced. So, we need space if you guys are going to keep assuming things that don’t even matter to you. Even if we were dating, we’re grown adults and we’d tell you when we’re ready.”

You gape at Chenle. He slumps back against the booth and sighs. Your mother shifts next to you, and Chenle’s mom’s smile fades quickly. You’ve done well thus far in distracting yourself from Jay. The days don’t get easier, but they seem shorter, at least. Having Chenle by your side helps. He was right when he said it would never get better, only that you’d learn to adjust to it. Instead of a sharp, stabbing pain every time you think of him, the knife gets a little duller every day. That, or your heart steels in resolve a little bit more.

“He’s right.” You nod. “We’re not teenagers anymore, guys. You don’t need to know everything about us, or gang up on us at dinner. We’re adults trying to navigate life, and you need to give us the room to do that.”

“I never thought of it that way. This was all lighthearted fun, dear. We thought it might help to keep you guys distracted from everything, but we’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want us to do.” Chenle’s mom puts her hand on his shoulder.

Your mom murmurs an agreement, and then after a confirmation from you and Chenle, they get up and leave the two of you to your dinner. You empty the wine bottle between the two glasses and raise your eyebrow at him.

“I like when you stand up for us like that,” you say, leaning back against your seat.

A smile forms on his face as he rolls his eyes. “I can’t believe they just date crashed us. Maybe we’ll be able to go out without the town out to get us one day.”

“Doubtful. But hopefully, we’ll eventually know what this is.” You sip your wine. “Then, it won’t matter what everyone knows.”

His gaze softens and trails over you. “And we’ll be fine either way.”

“That we will.” You raise your glass and smile as he clinks his against yours.

When you get back to Chenle’s house, he guides you inside with a hand on the small of your back. He helps you take your jacket off, and the warm of his touch down your arms sends goosebumps along your skin.

At this point, you’re pretty sure it’s real for you. That your feelings aren’t a product of losing a friend and clinging onto normalcy, but the start of something beautiful you could have with Chenle.

You take a step toward your room, and he grabs your wrist to pull you back to him. He asks, “Where are you going?”

“To change, you loser.” You chuckle. “I’ll be there in a sec.”

“Can’t you just wear something of mine?” He wraps his arms around you. “I like when you wear my stuff.”

“Just say you wanna watch me take my clothes off, you freak,” you tease him.

His eyes widen, and he takes a step back while his cheeks redden. “I wouldn’t just ask you to do that, but if you wanted to—”

“Oh, my God.” You laugh abruptly. “You wanna see me naked.”

“Well, I mean, not if you don’t want me to.” He clears his throat, glancing up at the ceiling.

“You’ve seen most of me already,” you remind him.

“Context matters, you know,” he interjects. “Like, yeah, I’ve seen you in bikinis and stuff, but it’s not like we were gonna do anything about it back then. Am I even making sense? Sure, I’ve seen you pretty close to naked, but it wasn’t because of me? Please don’t let me say anything else.”

“Your awkwardness is slightly endearing.” You snort.

He pouts. “Ass.”

You take a step closer to him, wrap your arms around his shoulders, and press your lips against his. He reciprocates immediately, the gentle movement making your brain malfunction. When you pull away, he’s smiling at you.

“You kissed me.”

“Yes, I did,” you confirm. “We’ve kissed quite a bit the last few days.”

“We have, haven’t we?”

You chuckle and grab his wrist to pull him to his room. He follows you without hesitation and closes the door behind you both before he heads to his dresser. He pulls out a shirt for you and one for himself. You turn away from him and switch the top you’re wearing with his T-shirt. The fabric stops right below your ass, and you reach beneath it to unbutton your pants and push them down your legs. Once they’re off, you turn to get into his bed.

You find him in the exact same spot. His lips are slightly parted as his gaze travels down your body. Your entire life you’d been able to admit to yourself that you found Chenle attractive, because you had eyes. Of course, he was. But for him to not only be attracted to you, too, and also be vocal about it has your mind in shambles.

He watches you closely as you climb into his bed and pull the covers over yourself. You avoid looking at him as he changes, and within moments, he’s shuffling closer to you. He leans over you, pressing a kiss to your cheek, to your temple, to your jawline. Nerves spring in your stomach, but you turn your head to see him.

“Is there something you want?” you ask him.

“This is probably the worst time to say this,” he whispers. “But this is real for me. I know it. These feelings keep getting stronger and I—I wasn’t going to even say anything yet, but I had to tell you in case…”

You suddenly feel embarrassment rise to your cheeks. Chenle’s your best friend, but you did just get into his bed wearing his shirt and an admittedly skimpy pair of panties. You turn to face him.

“Before anything serious happened, I wanted to be sure.” He gulps. “Because that’s obviously…a big deal for us both, you know? And regardless of what we said, I think it’d be hard to go back to the way we were if we had sex and weren’t good for each other.”

“You ramble when you’re nervous,” you say.

“I do.” He chuckles.

“It’s real for me, too,” you whisper. Despite it being the complete truth, a lump forms in your throat. You’re not sure where it came from, but you fight it the best you can.

Relief relaxes his facial features, and then he leans forward slowly until his lips brush yours. His eyes threaten to close, but he waits for you to make a decision. You’re not entirely sure what comes over you, but all you know is that you’ve never needed someone on the level you need Chenle.

You complete the kiss, weaving your fingers through his hair as you shift closer to him. Immediately, it’s like everything around you catches on fire, and it’s much too hot to stay as you are. You gasp into his mouth when his hand trails beneath your shirt, his touch leaving those same flames all over your skin. He grabs your ass and squeezes, a shiver rolling down his spine when he swallows your moan.

“You had to know what you were doing with these,” he murmurs as he slides his fingers just beneath the hem of your panties.

His words sink in, but nothing about this feels awkward to you. You’d be embarrassed if he knew how wet you were from his simple touches. All of that is background noise—all you care about is getting closer to him.

“Why isn’t this weird?” you whisper as you slide your hands beneath his shirt to get him to take it off. “We used to cringe at the thought of—”

“Would you kiss me, damn it?” He pulls you back to him, but instead of the urgency you expect, he kisses you gently, his lips slowly moving on yours. You roll, tugging him to take him with you.

Then he’s on top of you, slotted perfectly between your legs with your shirt riding up to expose more and more of your skin. His eyes scan over you, and he moves his hand up your side until you’re lifting yourself up to remove the fabric. A slight pause befalls both of you.

“What is it?” you ask him.

“I just…can’t believe I’ve never realized this before,” he whispers, eyebrows pinching. “How well we work together.”

You smile. “We’re pretty fucking great.”

“This probably sounds cheesy as hell,” he begins and scoffs at himself. “But you’re the most beautiful person I know.”

“Oh, come on.” Your cheeks heat up.

“No, I’m serious. I’ve always known that. You’re fucking radiant on the outside and warm and kind and loving on the inside. Nothing has ever or will ever be able to take that away from you, and I…” he trails off, swollen lips parting as he searches for what he wants to say next. “Don’t ever leave me. Please.”

You reach up to cup his cheeks. “Lele, I’m not going anywhere. It’s you and me now, okay?”

“I’ll be here as long as you want me,” he murmurs as he lowers himself down. “No matter what.”

Chenle kisses you again, softer this time as if this energy between the two of you is fragile. You slide your hand into his hair and allow yourself to melt. Spreading your legs a little further to accommodate him, you pull at the hem of his shirt. He moves away from you only to take it off, and then he presses kisses on your jaw, down your neck. You’re gasping for air by the time he makes it to the swells of your breasts. He leaves open-mouthed kisses along the edge of your bra, allowing his teeth to graze you.

You let your head rest back against his pillows and sigh as he travels further, stopping once he reaches your navel. Your fingers clench the sheets as you prepare yourself for whatever he’s going to do next.

“This is okay?” he hums against your skin.

“Yeah,” you say breathlessly. “Perfect.”

Being in the dark with only the shine of the stars to illuminate the room has this feeling much more intimate than you thought possible. You’d never imagined yourself in this position—literally—with Chenle, but now that you’re here, you wouldn’t change it for the world.

He tongues along the hem of your panties, and you have to stifle your gasp. The chill of the air contrasts with the wetness left on your skin, and goosebumps travel up your body. His fingers loop through the waistband, and without any words from him, you lift your hips up to help him remove them.

Chenle’s lips find your inner thigh, and you can’t hold back the noise that leaves you. It’s been a while since you’ve craved someone’s touch, and you never want his to leave your body. He already feels so different than everyone else. He’s still your best friend, but now he’s so much more, too. You trust him inexplicably, and this moment will change the trajectory of your lives forever.

You feel his breath against your core, and you drop your head back. He shifts and brings his hand up to hold your body down to the mattress, his thumb sliding between your legs to gently nudge your clit.

“Relax,” he tells you. “I’ve got you.”

He seems nervous himself, but after another shuffle, his fingers slide along your entrance. Your back arches as he pushes them inside. His breath shudders as he feels your walls fluttering around him.

“You’re…perfect, (Y/N),” he says, entranced as he slowly thrusts his hand. “So perfect.”

You whine, squeezing your eyes shut as you adjust to the feeling. When he kisses your clit, you grasp harder onto the sheets. Knowing the man pleasuring you is the one person in the world that knows you the most, that knows who you are within your very soul, has you immersed in every movement he makes. Nobody has ever made you feel this way before.

Sounds of your arousal follow his fingers, and he finally wraps his lips around your clit. You let out a loud moan, your back arching at the overwhelming sensations. He sucks on your sensitive bud, flicking his tongue back and forth in a matching pace with his hand. You squirm below him, and your legs begin to shake at the sensation.

He moves just a little faster, his other hand flat on your stomach to keep you from moving too much. You fear any sounds louder than whispered pleasure might shatter this moment between you and Chenle, but as he brings you closer to the edge, you struggle to hold back.

He curls his fingers to find your spot, and your body jerks. When he repeats the action, he moans, the vibrations against your clit sending you to euphoria. You gasp and your eyes roll back. He aids you through your high, carefully bringing you down before pulling away from your core. You practically slump on the mattress, but you lift yourself up to look at him. He sits up on his knees to get a better look at you, and you watch his every move as he lifts his fingers up to his mouth and sucks your arousal from them. 

You gulp at the sight of him like this, his length straining against his boxers as his darkened eyes travel over your body. His tongue swipes along his lips one last time, and then he’s climbing over you again. You welcome his kiss despite the taste of yourself.

“I need you,” you tell him, pushing at the band of his boxers. “Can’t wait anymore.”

“Are you sure?” he whispers. “You can tell me if you change your mind.”

You shake your head. “Please, Lele.”

He inhales sharply, and then he’s assisting you in pushing the last barrier of clothing off. “Do we need a condom? I have some.”

“I—” Your face heats up. “I’m on birth control, and I haven’t slept with anyone in…um, a long time, so I’m clean.”

“I got tested recently,” he replies. “I’m clean, too. But this is up to you. Whatever you want is cool with me.”

“Waste of time. I want you now.” You pull him in to kiss him, and he sighs against your mouth.

He reaches down and strokes himself a few times before lining himself up with your entrance. His eyes travel along your body, almost as if he’s verifying you’re real. Slowly, he pushes inside, watching your expression carefully to ensure you’re alright.

Your heart thuds in your chest as he continues to move forward, burying himself deep inside you until he’s flush against you. He gives you a bit to adjust, leaning in to kiss down your neck. His hand snakes beneath your body to unclasp your bra, and you arch to assist him in taking it off.

“‘M good,” you reassure him. “You can move.”

“Just need a second like this,” he returns, dropping his head on your shoulder. “God, you feel so fucking good.”

His words send shivers up your spine, and you put your arms around his shoulders. He kisses you again, and pulls out slowly to push back in. The sensation of him rubbing against your inner walls has you gasping. His pace is slow but you’ve never felt so heavenly in your life. As his tongue parts your lips, you wrap your legs around his waist.

When you call out his name, he curses under his breath. Every time he thrusts in, you lift your hips to meet him, despite how you begin to shake from the intensity of all of it. His chest brushes yours with each movement, and his teeth sink into your bottom lip to pull at it.

Never in your life has anything ever felt like this. As if Chenle was the last piece of the 1,000 piece puzzle you deemed life, and you finally found it after all these years. His soft moans have your toes curling, and despite the knot tying in your stomach, you don’t want this to end.

As if he knows every last thought in your mind, he reaches between you and rubs circles on your clit. You shudder in his grasp and dig your nails into his shoulders. He moves faster, and once his tip slides into your spot, you crumble around him. You throw your head back, a moan tumbling from your lips as you fall apart.

Moments after you, his hips falter as he approaches his high. You kiss him hard, and he groans into your mouth, pushing as far into you as he can to finish. The sensation has you gasping all over again, but you hold onto him for dear life.

He thrusts a couple more times to bring you both back to reality, and as he slows to a stop, he peppers kisses on your face. Neither of you move yet. You bask in the feeling of him inside you, and his hand rubs up and down your thigh.

He carefully removes your legs from around his waist, and then he sighs as he pulls out of you slowly. “Let me grab a towel. Hold on.” With a quick kiss to your forehead, he stands up and slips his boxers back on before walking out of the room.

An inherent sense of peace overwhelms you, and once he comes back, he cleans up the mess between your legs before climbing in bed next to you. He cradles the back of your head to his chest, and he hums quietly.

“Try to get some sleep,” he whispers.

With him close and his heart beating beneath your ear, you don’t even have to try.

The birds chirping outside the window wake you up. You’re still tangled up with Chenle, blanket snug around both of you with you curled into his chest. Shifting closer, you think about going back to sleep until he’s ready to get up, too.

“Morning,” he mutters, voice hoarse from sleep.

You shake your head. “More sleep.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He squeezes you and lets out a sigh of content.

Peaceful silence takes the two of you over, and you can’t help but smile at the thought of how far you both have come. You’re on top of the world—your feelings for Chenle are real, and you’ve discovered something you never thought would be possible.

His fingers trace up and down your spine, a deep hum escaping him. “This is real.”

“Mhm,” you reply. “We’re naked right now.”

“And you’re so fucking soft.” He sighs. “Is there any reason we need to get up today?”

“Wouldn’t matter if there was. Not moving.” You kiss the base of his neck.

“Sounds good to me.”

Despite the prospect of being wrapped up in each other all day, eventually, both of you get hungry. He takes you to one of the local diners for breakfast, and you study him closely while he sips his coffee and looks through the menu.

You expected some aspect of your relationship with him to be awkward at this point, but nothing has changed between you. Well, with the exception that every time you see his fingers, heat rises to your cheeks. Besides that, you’re perfectly normal.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks without removing his eyes from the menu.

“Who, me?”

He finally glances up, a smile playing on his lips. “Yes, (Y/N), you.”

“Well.” You clear your throat. “I’m just…thinking.”

“I put that together.” He tips his cup to his lips again.

“What do we do from here?” you blurt out, immediately dropping your head into your palm.

He chuckles and clasps his hands together over the table. “I was waiting for you to bring it up. But if we both know it’s real, and we’ve…gone as far as we have, um, I was hoping we’d be together.”

“That doesn’t scare you?” you ask.

“Does it scare you?” he counters.

You shake your head. “Not at all.”

“Full transparency, then. That’s what I want. I want us to be together and, as insufferable as they are, I want our families to know, too. And I want it to be us against the world, (Y/N). We can do whatever we want.”

“I guess that also brings us to what happens next month.” You look down at your lap. “When I’m supposed to go back to work.”

He gulps but waits for you to continue.

“What if…What if I didn’t go back?” you start. “Think about it. We could stay here.”

“You want to come live here?”

“I…I guess I just—” You pause in an attempt to gather your thoughts. “After everything with Jay, it made me realize how long I’ve really been gone. And being back here…I missed it a little. You and my family and the town itself. I don’t want to miss any part of anyone else’s life. I really did Jay a disservice by not coming around as often as I should’ve.”

“You’d give up all of that work you did for me?” He frowns.

“It’s not just for you, but yes. I don’t fully enjoy what I do. It’s all work and it takes up all my time. Why do that when I could do something around here and get to spend actual free time with you?”

He reaches across the table and grasps your hand. “There’s always room for you with me, but I want you to be sure about something like that. You’ve worked so hard, and if you’re changing your mind because of us, I don’t want to come between you and your dreams.”

“I’ve been thinking about it before we started this,” you tell him. “From the second I heard about Jay. I certainly don’t want you out here by yourself.”

“Don’t think we could swing long distance?” He cracks a smile.

“Ridiculous.” You scoff and take a drink of your coffee. “We have some time. Let’s think about it later, alright?”

“Agreed.”

After breakfast, Chenle leads you out of the restaurant with your fingers intertwined. You try not to blush at the simple gesture, but you can’t help it. He leads you to the passenger side of his car, and you lean back against the metal. The distance between you two is almost non-existent, and his hand rests on your waist.

“You’re sure you don’t care if people know?” he asks.

“Positive.” You grin.

He cups your cheek, smiling back at you as he strokes your skin with his thumb. After, he leans in and kisses you. Oxygen is stolen from your lungs, but you relish in the feeling of him. The sun feels warmer, the day a little brighter, and your heart a little fuller.

You never expected this to be the answer—for you to find a different kind of solace in your best friend, but you’re here anyway.

He winks at you once he pulls away, earning him a slap on the chest. After you roll your eyes, he opens the door for you and guides you into the car.

By the time you make it back to his house, he leads you inside. You’re barely a few feet within the door when both of your phones start buzzing. He takes his out of his pocket, shows you it’s his mother calling, laughs, and tosses it on the couch. You follow his lead, and then he grabs your hand and pulls you towards his room.

“If you thought you were going to make it out of here for long, you were mistaken.” He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you flush against him. “I have plans for us today. Our schedule’s booked actually, and it mostly involves us in my bed.”

“Luckily for you, that’s exactly what I was hoping for.”

“Oh, good. Hopefully, they don’t decide to come here. Probably not the show they thought they’d be signing up for.” He ponders the thought for a moment.

“Shame on them for not respecting our privacy,” you mutter, grasping onto the back of his neck. “Maybe it’ll teach them to back off a little.”

“You’re so right,” he replies, leaning in to kiss you.

Tugging you closer, he whirls you around to walk you back toward his bed, where you’re more than ready to spend the next few hours.

Later that night, you and Chenle are ready for bed, with you curled into his chest. He runs his fingers through your hair, humming quietly. You don’t recognize the melody, but he relaxes you all the same.

“Do you think this ever would’ve happened if Jay were still here?” you ask him as you trace shapes on his shoulder.

He purses his lips in thought. “I’d like to think so.”

“Me, too,” you admit. “This feels…like things were always supposed to be this way.”

“I can’t imagine it any other way now.” He takes a deep breath. “I needed this. You. And I can’t believe there was a time where we weren’t like this.”

You move so you’re resting on top of him, chests pressed together. He clasps his hands together over the small of your back.

“He’d be happy for us, right?” You scan over his face, tracing over his cheekbones with your finger.

“Of course,” Chenle says without hesitation. “I think he’d be asking a bunch of questions right now. Like how we knew, what we were gonna do about all of this, if he’s going to be the man of honor or the best man.”

“God, he so would.” You laugh.

“And he’d be insufferable about it, too.”

“He’d be the man of honor, by the way. I was his favorite.”

Chenle’s smile grows. “I love you.”

Your heart stops in your chest, and your lips part as you stare at him in shock. Although, you should’ve expected it. You fell for him, too, but hearing it verbalized is a whole new story you’ve never considered before.

Hell, the two of you frequently told each other those three words, but you know now they hold much more importance than they ever have.

“You…”

“Yeah, I do.” He nods.

“Like…romantically?”

“You’re such a loser,” he teases you. “Yes, romantically. Don’t make me take it back now.”

“I’ll be sad if you take it back, ass.” You narrow your eyes at him. “And I love you, too, if that wasn’t clear.”

He squeezes you tightly, chuckling when the air rushes from your lungs. While you never quite expected things to work out this way, you wouldn’t change what’s become of your relationship with Chenle. He was—and is—your best friend, and for some reason, all you can do is look forward to the future, where he’ll be more. Best friend always, but also the one you love.

The last couple weeks before you’re supposed to return to work are hectic to say the least. It feels as if you and Chenle are rushing to figure things out—where the two of you will stand when you leave and what you’ll do in the meantime.

So, in an attempt to get your minds distracted, you opt to go have a couple drinks with Jay. Of course, you had to stop and get his favorite beer—the same one you’d always hated and that Chenle’s not too fond of, but for Jay, you would endure it.

He brings a blanket. When you find Jay’s headstone, he spreads out the fabric and waits for you to sit before he joins you. You grasp onto his hand, and his knee bumps yours, but that’s the only physical contact you have with him.

Chenle opens up three cans—one for him, one for you, and one for Jay.

This isn’t the first time you’ve done this together, but it very well be the last. You don’t want to leave him. Not really. But he refused to let you give up what you’d worked hard for. You escaped the town, and he didn’t want you to even think about coming back when you’ve got so much left to do in your new city.

Chenle sips the drink, cringing at the taste. “Can’t believe he liked this shit.”

“He had peculiar tastes, that’s for sure.” You chuckle and refrain from touching your own. “You think he can really hear us when we’re talking to him like this?”

“Stranger things have happened,” he replies.

“That’s the truth,” you tease him and nudge his shoulder. “Maybe we should break the news to Jay.”

He takes the third can and dumps some over the grass. You both watch as it absorbs, and once Chenle’s satisfied, he purses his lips.

“You’ve missed a lot, dude.” He lets out a long sigh. “Almost three months without you feels unreal.”

You squeeze his hand and send a soft smile his way.

He continues, “But I seriously think you’d be pissed at us if we admitted we were still sad, so…(Y/N) and I are…together. Like, we’re dating. And to be honest, we’re both not too sure where it came from, but we keep each other sane after all this stuff.”

You loop your arm through his and rest your head on his shoulder. Fighting back tears, you realize how much you’d missed as well. There were stories you had yet to hear. Some you’d never get the chance to.

“I’d like to think you’d be happy for us.” You chuckle and take another drink. “You and this God awful beer.”

“I can almost hear him defending it right now.” Chenle sends a dazzling grin your way, and you watch him fondly. You never imagined coming back home would lead to all of this.

You and Chenle talk to Jay for a while. The sun shines pleasantly against your skin, warmth seeping into your bones. Chenle tells the story of you two falling for each other, how it was gradual and unexpected. Things had simply shifted, and everything became much more than you’d ever imagined.

When the sun begins to set, you wrap up your time with Jay. All three cans are empty. You grab them while Chenle folds the blanket, and then you head back to his car. His arm is firmly around your waist, and you fight the urge to melt into him.

As soon as you’re inside his house, he drops the blanket and takes the objects from your hands. Next thing you know, you’re wrapped up in one of the tightest hugs Chenle’s ever given you. You reciprocate the best you can, threading your fingers through his hair to soothe him.

“You okay?” you ask him.

“Yeah. Just wanna hold you for a sec.”

You hum in agreement, allowing yourself to melt into his grip. He kisses the top of your head, and when he pulls away to look at you, a fond gleam appears in his eyes.

“I’ve been thinking,” he says.

“Uh oh,” you interject, fighting your grin as he purses his lips in faux annoyance.

“What if I went with you?”

You recoil. “What?”

“I’ve wanted to get away from this place. You made it out. Let’s go together.” He looks at you earnestly as he awaits your response. “I love you, (Y/N). Being apart from you isn’t exactly what I want at this point.”

“You want…to move with me?”

“If you’re okay with it.” Chenle nods. “Think of the life we could build together. A real one that’s not influenced by the crazy ass people in this town.”

You flounder for words to say. This is the last thing you expected from him, but maybe you should’ve thought of this yourself. Chenle had run into a hard time because he’d wanted out for so long. You could help him.

“I don’t want you to give up everything you’ve worked for. Living here isn’t in the cards for you right now, and I understand that. But we both have an opportunity here. You keep doing what you set out to do, but this time, we don’t have to be apart.” He fiddles with the seam of your shirt, almost nervously avoiding your gaze.

“Okay.” You take a deep breath. “If you’re sure that’s what you want, come with me.”

He grins so widely, you’re almost worried it hurts. Cupping your cheeks, he kisses you hard, and you almost stumble backwards.

This was the beginning of a new journey for both of you. Neither of you were sure what to do without Jay around, and you wouldn’t feel right leaving Chenle all by himself. If he wanted to come with you, you’d be more than happy to have him.

You’ll get him out of this town he’s come to resent, and he’ll be by your side for every success and failure.

There’s something special about falling for your best friend—about loving someone who you’d already loved and known so thoroughly, it’s mostly as if nothing changed at all. Maybe this part of your relationship with him was always there, and you’d both been too blind to see it.

All you know is, after a clear shift in energy, things between you and Chenle became real.

You wonder about Jay. If he sees the two of you, if he’s proud of you. At the end of the day, you could spiral until your brain gives out, but if there’s one thing you could expect from Jay, it’s that he’ll never stop checking in on you and Chenle. Your group is incomplete without him, but you’ll learn to live in a different manner.

With Chenle by your side, there’s not a damn thing in the world that could bring you down.

[mopopshop]

Embrace (DT x OC!Reader)

based off this request <-

i love this sm guys and i hope y’all do too so please enjoy 🙏🏾🙏🏾

give feedback if you feel like it!

You’ve always been more comfortable in the background. Even at UConn, where you met Diana, you preferred watching from the stands rather than being the center of attention. What you didn’t expect was catching the eye of the star player, much less marrying her and starting a family. 

Now, years later, as you stand outside the Footprint Center with your daughters, Aria and Jaylen, you can’t help but reflect on how far you’ve all come. Aria, the older of the two at six, is bouncing on her toes, her excitement palpable. Jaylen, at just two, is perched upon your hip. 

To support your wife you obviously come dressed in DT merchandise, you and your daughters came matching in Diana’s jersey with Jaylen wearing that and a tool skirt in Phoenix Mercury colors. 

"Mommy, mommy, can we get popcorn?" Aria asks, tugging at your sleeve.

“Yeah, yeah, baby hold on, we needa find our seats first” you grin.

The arena is alive with energy, fans buzzing in anticipation of another legendary Diana Taurasi performance. You lead your daughters through the throng, finally finding your seats close to the court. You’ve always had good seats—one of the perks of being with D.

As the game begins, you watch Diana with a mix of pride and awe. She’s as fierce as ever, commanding the court with her presence, making impossible shots look effortless. Aria and Jaylen cheer loudly, their voices joining the chorus of fans.

"Mama is the best!" Aria exclaims, her eyes shining. "Do you think she’ll win tonight, Mommy?"

"You already know baby," you say, squeezing her shoulder. 

During a timeout, Diana glances toward you and the girls, a smile playing on her lips. You wave, and she blows a small kiss, her eyes filled with love.

Then, when it comes to halftime, she finds time to sneak from the locker room to come see you. Diana approaches, her face lighting up as she spots you and the girls.

"How are my girls" she says, a grin spreading across her face as she kneels down to scoop Aria from the floor then plucking Jaylen from your arms. "You having fun?"

Aria nods vigorously. "Yes, Mama! You're doing awesome!"

Jaylen giggles and reaches out to Diana, pulling on her lips and cheeks. "That's my little cheerleader," she says, her voice warm and affectionate.

You smile at the sight, feeling your heart swell with love. "You’re killing it out there, D," you say. "We’re so proud of you."

Diana puts the girls down and pulls you into a quick hug, wrapping her sweaty arms around your waist. "Thanks, baby. You know i’m gonna show out when I got y’all here" She glances back at the tunnel that leads to the locker room and sighs. "I have to get back, but I'll see you after the game, ‘kay?"

"Go get 'em, babe" you say, giving her a reassuring smile.

She gives you a quick kiss and hugs Aria and Jaylen one last time before heading back to the locker room. As she disappears down the tunnel, you settle back into your seat, feeling a rush of pride and excitement.

The second half of the game is just as thrilling. Diana's energy is electric, and she continues to dominate the court. Aria’s on her feet cheering louder than ever and Jaylen’s perched on your lap cooing at the sight of her mom. You join them, your voice hoarse from shouting encouragement.

When the final buzzer sounds, the Mercury emerge victorious. The crowd roars, and your daughters are ecstatic, jumping up and down in pure joy.

"Mama won! Mama won!" Aria shouts, her face glowing with excitement.

You make your way down to the court once more, the sea of fans parting as they recognize Diana's family. She meets you with open arms, pulling all of you into a tight embrace.

"You did so good, D!" you say, kissing her cheek.

"Couldn't have done it without my biggest fans," she replies, her eyes sparkling with happiness.

Diana looks down at Aria and Jaylen with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Y’all wanna sit with me for my interview?" she asks.

Aria's eyes widen with excitement. "Can we, Mommy? Please?"

You chuckle and nod. "Of course. Go show them how it's done."

Diana leads you all to the interview area. The reporters are already assembled, and their faces light up when they see Diana with her family. She lifts Aria onto the panel chair next to her and sits Jaylen on her lap, while you stand nearby, watching with pride.

The interviewer smiles warmly. "Diana, another incredible game. How do you do it?"

Diana grins, glancing at Aria and Jaylen. "Well, having these two cheering me on from the stands definitely helps," she says, her voice filled with affection. "And my amazing wife, who’s always been my rock. I couldn't do any of this without her."

Aria grabs the microphone, her small hand dwarfed by it. "Mama is the best player ever!" she declares confidently, drawing laughs from the crowd.

Jaylen babbles happily, patting Diana's cheek, and Diana kisses her forehead. "They're my motivation, my inspiration," Diana continues. "Every time I step on the court, I play for them. For our family."

The interviewer smiles, clearly charmed by the scene. "We noticed you glancing over at your family several times during the game. How important is it for you to have them here supporting you?"

Diana smiles, enjoying speaking about you and the kids “It's everything. Seeing my… insanely gorgeous, selfless, intelligent wife Elyse” she gushes, taking a moment to brag about you “and the girls in the stands reminds me why I play. They’re my biggest cheerleaders, and their support means the world to me. It helps me stay focused and gives me that extra push when the game gets tough.

Another interviewer raises their hand for a question “Aria and Jaylen seem to be quite the little fans. Do they understand the significance of what you do on the court?"

"Aria is starting to get it.” Diana chuckles “She knows when Mama is doing well and gets really excited. Jaylen is a bit young, but she loves the energy and the cheering. It’s great to have them involved and to see their faces light up."

“How do you balance your career with family life? It must be challenging."

"It definitely is… but we make it work. Elyse is incredible—she holds everything together when I’m on the road or training. We have a great support system and we make sure to prioritize family time whenever we can. It’s all about finding that— that balance and making the most of our moments together."

"Lastly what’s next for you, Diana? Any big plans or goals you’re looking forward to?"

“Um.. Sleep honestly” she jokes "Yeah but nah, nah, we have some big games coming up, and I’m focused on staying in shape. Off the court, it’s just about spending time with Elyse and the girls, and maybe squeezing in a family vacation if we can. Like I said It’s all about balance and enjoying every moment." Diana grins as she finishes.

After the interview, you and the girls head back home, Diana's hand firmly in yours. The girls fall asleep in the car, exhausted from the excitement, and you share a quiet moment with Diana, both of you basking in the glow of the evening's events.

Once home, you tuck the girls into bed and join Diana on the couch. She leans into you, her head resting on your shoulder.

"Thank you for being here tonight," she says softly. "For everything."

You press a kiss to her forehead. "Always, D. I’ll always be here."

You sit in comfortable silence for a bit before Diana opens her mouth again. 

“I know you have to say I played well cause we’re married and shit but.. you can’t lie I was kinda fly out there tonight” she cackles

You scoff, shoving her playfully “Shut up! You sound so old, nobody says ‘fly’ anymore dumbass”

“Old where?!! I’m three years older than you”

“Like I said— Old!”

She groans, laughing and shoving her face into your neck. You both fall back into the couch in a fit of giggles and hearts full of love. 

———

[kteezy997]

Daddy's Boy-Part Thirteen(the end)//t.c.

Warnings: angst, cursing, smut, pregnant sex, little bit of dirty talk

In the weeks following the honeymoon, your belly really started to grow. Both of your boys were obsessed with the bump. Theo would bring in his favorite books into your room to read to the baby at bedtime. Timmy would lay his head on the bump, caressing it, and whisper sweet little phrases in French.

It was even better when you found out the gender and you all could call the baby by his name, Dylan. You came up with his name as Timmy had wrapped the Bob Dylan film that he had worked so very hard on for years. When he heard your pick for your second child's name, he was in love with it. "It's perfect." he said.

"Dylan Chalamet. It's so cute." you replied, hugging your husband and giving him a kiss.

Theo learned how to write his baby brother's name, and even colored him a picture for his nursery. "That's me, daddy, mommy, and baby Dylan." he explained, pointing to each of the adorable stick figures he had drawn, with each name spelled out perfectly.

"We will put it in the baby's room, just above the crib. That way he will see it every morning when he wakes up." you said, hugging your son before taking the drawing to hang it up.

Theo kept one of your ultrasound photos and slept with it every night as if it was a teddy bear. When Timmy discovered this one night, he became emotional. You could even see the tears welling up in his eyes. He pulled you into a hug, saying, "He's going to be the best big brother."

........

Time flew by during this pregnancy, and before you knew it, you were ready to pop any day.

One night during your ninth month, Theo was oddly quiet during dinner. Afterwards, he opted to work on his spelling words in his room by himself.

As you cleaned the dinner table together, you decided to mention your concern for your son to Timmy. "Do you think Theo is acting a little weird? Like he's not quite himself today?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure what's going on with him. You should get off your feet, babe. Go sit with him in his room, talk to him, okay?" Timmy answered, stepping over to you to press a sweet kiss on your cheek while he gave a soft rub to your large belly.

"Okay. I'll see what’s bugging him."

.......

You knocked on Theo's bedroom door, opening it and peeking your head in, "Hey buddy, is it okay if I come in?"

He was lying on his bed with his papers in front him and responded, "Yeah."

"You were really quiet during dinner, is everything okay, Theo?" you asked, your calming mom voice was present as you sat down on your little boy's bed.

"Yeah, I'm fine." he mumbled, writing out one of his spelling words.

You frowned, not fully convinced by him, "Are you sure? You know you can talk to me about anything, is it something to do with the new baby coming?"

Theo shrugged, not looking up at you. "I don't know. It's just that I don't want you and Daddy to forget about me when Dylan gets here."

You could feel how sad your boy was, and it hurt your heart that he felt this way. You put your hand on his head, caressing his hair to soothe him. "That could never happen. We are going to love you and Dylan both equally, we could never forget you. You're our son, we love you more than there are stars in the sky. Don't you know that?"

Theo sighed, "Yeah, I guess. But what if Dad likes Dylan more than me and doesn't want to play with me anymore?”

"Oh, Daddy will always want to play with you. You guys are the best of friends, and when Dylan comes, he will be Daddy' other best friend, but nothing will change."

He put his chin on his hand, tracing letters, "Okay."

You realized what he needed. "Come with me, you should talk with your Dad about this."

...........

You took Theo by the hand into the kitchen, finding Timmy at the sink, washing dishes.

"Hey," your husband greeted you both, "is everything alright?" he set the wet, clean plate in his hand into the dish drying rack on the counter.

"Theo is having a hard time with the baby coming. He's worried that you won't want to play with him anymore." you explained.

Timmy frowned, grabbed the dish towel nearby to dry his hands, "Hey," he said, kneeling down to Theo's height, "don't think like that. We'll always be buddies, that will never change. We'll just have Dylan to hang out with too, and I will never let you feel left out, okay?"

"Do you promise?" Theo asked, his eyes widening at his father.

"Of course." Timmy answered, holding out his pinky finger. As he let Theo wrap his own pinky around it, he asked, "What is a pinky promise?"

"The most solemn vow there is!" the boy said, smiling.

.......

You came into your bedroom later on, after tucking Theo in. Timmy was already under the covers. You figured that he was naked, as you had been making love nearly every night the last couple of weeks. You were always in the mood lately. It felt amazing to ride him, or for him to fuck you softly from the side. You both typically loved the missionary position, but with a basketball-sized belly in between you, it was nearly impossible.

You smiled at your husband as you got into bed. It felt so relieving to lay down and be off of your swollen feet. "You were great with him tonight." you said, taking his hand in yours.

"Yeah, well, you set it up for me. He just needed reassurance." Timmy said, squeezing your hand lightly and caressing his thumb over your hand.

"You don't always have to praise me." you told him, resting your other hand on your baby bump belly.

"Oh, but I do. How could I not give you a compliment every chance I get?" he cooed, leaning in to kiss you on the cheek.

You leaned into his kiss just for a moment, but then you felt the baby move awkwardly in your stomach. "Oof." you said softly, moving your hand toward where the movement was.

Timmy sat up, "Everything okay?" His protective mode was engaged.

"Yeah, yeah, I think he's just moving lower. Just getting ready to come out."

"Okay. At least all the sex is working to induce the birth." he wiggled his eyebrows at you.

"Yeah, I think it's working nicely." you turned to him, kissing his lips. "You're doing great, Daddy." you smirked. "But I'm ready for him to be out of me." you giggled.

Timmy grinned as well, giving you another kiss. "I know you are, baby. But he'll be here really soon."

"Ugh, I know. I can't wait to meet him." you scooted closer to him, then rested your head on his bare chest.

"Theo is worried about you giving birth."

"Oh,” you frowned, looking up at him, “did he ask you about where babies come from?"

"No, not exactly. He was just curious if it would hurt you to have Dylan come out."

"What did you tell him?" you sat up in the bed.

"I told him that it would hurt, but the doctors can give you medicine to help with the pain. He’s just worried about his mom. I have to admit, I am not looking forward to seeing you in that amount of pain.” You could see the genuine concern in his green eyes.

“Oh, honey it’s okay.” you touched his cheek, “You’ll be there with me, so I know everything will be okay. Besides, when it’s all over, we will have our sweet baby boy. And Theo will have his brother.”

“He’s been so excited about the baby. I hope what he was feeling today is only a temporary thing.”

“Oh I’m sure once he sees the baby, all his worries will be forgotten. Anyway, I'm not looking forward to the day when he does ask about where babies come from. I hope he asks you."

"Me?" Timmy laughed, "Why me?"

"I don't know, because you're both boys. And because I don't want to have that talk with him, he's my little boy. So innocent, you know?"

“Yeah, I guess it would be easier to understand for him when he’s not talking to his mom. That’d be awkward as fuck.”

“Which is why when the time comes, down the road, you’ll be having the sex talk with both boys.”

Timmy visibly winced, “Oh man, I do not want to think of our boys being that old. But I do love having sex talk with their mom.” he then snuggled close to you.

“Is that your segue into having sex right now?” you giggled.

“Yes. Is it working?”

You climbed onto him, throwing your hands into his hair, “Of course it is.”

Your husband gave you a sly grin as you leaned to kiss him, and you softly bucked your hips in his lap. His cock grew hard within seconds.

“Mm, push my panties to the side.” you moaned against his lips.

Timmy did as he was told, sliding the fabric away from your pussy so he could sheath his thick cock inside of you.

You moaned deeply, trembling at the feeling.

He held your hips, looking up at you, his eyes wide like a child looking at a lit up Christmas tree. “You’re so amazing, y/n, you feel so good.”

“Ahhh.” you pulled him into your tight embrace, bucking your hips as best as you could with your belly in the way. He filled you up perfectly, the rubbing on your walls made your pussy throb around him.

Timmy held onto you, sucking on your neck, nibbling along your collarbone. “Yes, baby, fuck me. That’s it.”

He was always so sweet and encouraging lately, it turned you on even more. You grabbed his hands, plopping them onto your heavy breasts, and plunged down on him harder.

“Just like that, fuck.” he praised, scrunching his brows in pleasure and biting his lip. He watched your breasts as they bounced under your oversized night shirt.

He started to rub your breasts, the wet slapping sound underneath you thundered through the bedroom, and you were brought over the brink of your orgasm. You could feel Timmy come inside of you as well.

I am ending this story for now, but I could be persuaded to do a sequel, if enough people would be interested!

@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @lixzey @bitchyunknownuser @ducktapebar @aoi-targaryen @yukideadinside @elloise0 @thatoneweirdgirl17 @mel-vaz @sammy-halpert @iwishchalamet @that-one-fangirl69 @jindongdongie @briefkittenearthquake

[queenshelby]

Our Little Secret (Part 52)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap, Triggers, Smut

Despite Mark's persistence however, Sean declined his offer for now, wanting to win you over fair and square, but when Mara's birthday came finally around, he was in two minds about it.

It was a Saturday morning and you were up early, preparing everything for the party. Mara was in her playpen, occupied with her toys, while you were rushing around the house, making sure everything was in order for your guests.

You were dressed in a casual summer dress and your hair was tied up in a messy bun, but you still felt self-conscious when the doorbell rang, and Sean stood there with a big smile on his face. 

He had not been around Mara before but arrived early to help you with hanging  decorations and preparing the food. "Hey, you look great," he said, handing you a bunch of sunflowers making you smile softly.

"Thanks, so do you," you replied, admiring his button-down shirt and jeans even though the moment was short-lived.

You led the way into the living room where you had a designated area for the kids' party. "I thought it would be best to keep it separate from the rest of the house so we don't end up with sticky fingers all over," you chuckled to yourself.

"A room full of toddlers, huh? Sounds fabulous," Sean  joked, looking slightly nervous at the sight of the colorful balloons and animal balloon sculptures scattered around the room.

"Oh, don't worry. They're all really well-behaved, trust me. Mara is actually the most boisterous one of them all," you laughed, feeling yourself relax a little more in Sean's presence.

"That's good to know," he said, taking a deep breath with a nervous smile on his face. "So, uhm, just checking, what did you tell people about us? Because, I know that your ex's family is coming and all, so  I just don't want to cause any awkwardness or something," Sean inquired, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

"I told them that you are a friend of mine, who has been helpful lately, and that you are coming over to help me set up and all. I didn't mention anything about us being together, you know?" you told him, feeling the need to reassure him once again.

"Yeah, I figured as much. I just wanted to make sure," he said, nodding his head in response.

"I am sorry Sean, it's just, Cillian wouldn't even agree to you being here, around Mara, unless I kept this platonic and I can understand him too," you told him sympathetically, understanding the frustration he was feeling.

"Why do you care so much about what he wants

, though? Surely he should be happy for you, if you have found someone else that you like?" he asked, a slight note of confusion in his voice.

"Sometimes, it's complicated Sean. Cillian and I are working through things and, to tell you the truth, since you and me aren't in a relationship, I too want to keep this platonic for Mara's sake. It would just confuse her, you know," you  tried to explain, being as honest as you could.

Sean didn't seem totally satisfied with your answer, but he understood where you were coming from and decided to drop the subject for now. You both worked in silence for a while, hanging decorations and setting up tables, but there was an underlying tension between you.

As you were arranging the food on the table, the doorbell rang and you felt your heart skip a beat at the thought of Cillian's mother arriving. However, it was just your best friend Emma. 

"Where is my favorite Babygirl?" she  grinned, taking Mara from her playpen and blowing raspberries on her chubby cheeks.

You couldn't help but laugh at the sight of your best friend, who had known you since you were in high school, playing with Mara. You two had been through so much together and you were grateful to have her in your life.

"I have a super cool present for you,"  she winked, pulling a wrapped gift from her bag.

"Oh my god, Emma, you didn't have to. But I am so excited to see what it is," you grinned, helping Mara opening her first present for the day, inside of which was a beautiful stuffed giraffe  , complete with a pair of pink and white crocheted booties.

"Gigi," Mara smiled, which was what she had called the giraffes at the zoo , her favorite animal.

"I know. Isn't she beautiful?" she said, pointing at the stuffed animal in Mara's arms, already covered with enthusiastic kisses from your daughter.

"Best friend ever," you smiled, hugging Emma tightly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Emma said warmly before turning to Sean, introducing herself for the second time around, the first time having been at the nightclub where you had met him.

"Is Cillian okay with this?"  Emma asked, eyeing Sean up and down.

"Yes, I cleared it with him," you told her which is when, again, the doorbell rang and more guests  began to arrive one by one.

Sean remained helpful and kind, keeping his distance from your friends but assisting where needed. You watched him from across the room as he chatted with some people, sipping on his beer, wearing a polite smile on his face. He looked so at ease that you almost forgot about your complicated arrangement until, an hour into the party, the door went off once more.

"I will get it," Sean offered, seeing how busy you were with Mara and her toddler friends.  You nodded appreciatively, relieved to have some extra help at the party. As he opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of Cillian who was meant to be in the UK, filming. 

Surprised, Sean took a step back while Cillian stood in the doorway, his eyes narrowed as he looked at Sean.

"Sean," Cillian said with restrained hostility as he walked inside. 

Sean tried to keep his cool but couldn't help feeling nervous at Cillian's presence.

"Cillian, what are you doing here?" you asked, surprised, as you made your way over to him.

"Well, I decided to surprise Mara for her birthday. I'm only here for the day though. I got to go back tonight," Cillian explained, unable to take his eyes off Sean and you could sense the tension in the air growing with every passing second.

"Well, I am glad you could make it," you said, trying to lighten the mood.

"Mara is over there if you want to say hi to her," you gestured towards the living room where the children's party was happening.

Cillian hesitated for a moment before nodding and making his way towards the noise and laughter emanating from the other room. 

"There she is," he smiled, picking up Mara and kissing her chubby cheeks. "My little princess," he said as Mara beamed at her father and hugged him tightly. "Happy birthday Sweetie," he told Mara who went straight for Cillian's hair.

"Dada," she grinned, running her tiny hands over the shaved sides on his head, which was clearly a haircut she wasn't too fond about.  "I've missed you Babygirl," Cillian told her affectionately, noticing how Mara's eyes brightened at the sight of him. "Missed me too, huh?" he teased, receiving an adorable giggle in response and, just as you watched this tender moment unfold, you felt a swirl of emotions in the pit of your stomach. You were glad that Mara had her father there for her birthday while Sean, on the other hand, seemed displeased. 

It was clear that he felt uncomfortable around Cillian, and you couldn't blame him. After all, you were still unsure about where you stood with both men, and you knew that keeping a clear mind would be crucial to avoid making any unnecessary mistakes.

As the party progressed, you found yourself caught in a never-ending cycle of keeping a close eye on Mara and making sure that Sean was relaxed and enjoying himself while Cillian socialised with his family and the people around him. 

Mara clung to her father, clearly pleased to see him  and looking adorable in her brand new party dress, complete with a matching headband and shoes. Her laughter filled the air as she played with the other children, who seemed equally delighted to have Cillian there as he was fabulous with young kids, engaging with them in their games and being purposely silly and entertaining. 

Sean, on the other hand, remained somewhat reserved, occasionally joining in conversations but mostly standing off to the side, observing everything. You caught his gaze several times throughout the party, noticing the steady glance he gave you, the subtle twitching of his lips, and the raised eyebrow.

It was as if he could see the turmoil brewing within you, sensing the conflict that raged on inside. You wondered if he knew that you were struggling with your feelings. To what extent and in what ways was he aware of your internal struggle? His knowledge about you had been growing with each passing day, and that realization terrified you. He had been observant and intuitive, but was stopped short of fully understanding what was going on within you. You felt safe, yet vulnerable, anticipating the reckoning that was surely coming.

Cillian's attention seemed focused solely on Mara as she was having the time of her life, laughing joyously and blissfully oblivious to the drama unfolding between her parents. The laughter and chatter of the other children echoed throughout the room, punctuated by sporadic fits of giggles that seemed amplified because of the sheer innocence of their pleasures.

"She is growing up so fast," Cillian murmured, standing up from the floor and watching as Mara sat amongst the other kids her age, playing with blocks. "And yet, I feel like I haven't been here for any part of it lately," he added softly, the regret in his voice unmistakable as he turned his gaze toward you.

"I should have declined that role, Y/N. I've missed so much," he sighed, his eyes searching your face for any hint of understanding. "Only being here every fortnight isn't good enough," he told you, not knowing that Sean was listening in, and you said nothing for a moment, merely holding his gaze as you reflected on his words.

"Life happens, Cillian," you said finally, opting to keep your tone light and neutral to avoid causing any unnecessary drama. "This is your career and we knew this before we brought Mara into this world. In fact, we talked about the logistics of it many times," you  explained gently, trying to make him understand, knowing that this was an important point for him.

"I know, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss seeing her every second day or so," Cillian sighed, his eyes softening, "It's just, I don't. It's hard I suppose," he  admitted, looking away briefly before turning back to meet your gaze.

"You know, after my final exams next week and the wedding the week after, Mara and I could stay in Liverpool for a bit," you proposed, thinking that it would be good for Mara to have more time with her father. "After filming, you could spend some time with her, just for an hour or so, and I could take her to the zoo over there and all the other cool places during the day while you are on set,"  you added enthused, wanting Mara to have a good relationship with her father.

Cillian looked surprised but also pleased at the idea. "Really? That would be great, Y/N. Not just for Mara, but for me too," he admitted, smiling at you fondly. "I could rent you a unit and car and you could cruise around with Mara during the day. Maybe the two of you could even visit me on set, unless you think that's weird,"  Cillian offered, taking another sip of his beer.

You shook your head and smiled at him. "No, not weird at all. Unless it's weird for you," you said, seeing how you were no longer together and Mara's visit could even affect his performance on set.

"I think it would be fine. I would love to see her, even if it's just for a little while," he replied with a smile, touching your arm affectionately. You noticed the way Sean was watching you, the subtle tightening of his jaw and the narrowing of his eyes. You pulled your arm away, feeling suddenly uncomfortable under his gaze.

"Alright, let's plan it out then," you  said, changing the subject before Cillian could say anything else. "I'll call you next week and we can arrange everything."

Cillian nodded, seemingly satisfied with your response. "Sounds good," he said before making his way back to Mara while you went and stood next to Sean who was nursing a beer. 

"I should go," Sean said after a little while, breaking the silence and you were too busy to notice that he was struggling internally.

"Of course, you don't have to stay," you said, offering him an easy exit.

Sean hesitated for a moment before nodding and making his way towards the door.

You followed him, feeling a sense of guilt wash over you. You had known that inviting Sean to the party would make things complicated, but you hadn't expected it to be this difficult.

"I am sorry Sean. I didn't mean for things to get so awkward," you said softly, as you stood by the entrance.

"It's fine. I knew what I was getting myself into, although I didn't expect HIM to come," Sean replied,  his voice low and gruff as he looked at you, his eyes filled with a mixture of anger, sadness, and something else that you couldn't quite put your finger on.

"I know, but he is Mara's father and I am glad he came, for her," you  said, your voice barely audible as you stood just a few feet away from him, feeling the tension between you grow thicker.

Sean sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair, looking you in the eye for a long moment, before replying, "I know, you're right, and I should just leave. But, I hate to admit it, his presence makes me feel like you still belong to him and it bothers me," he admitted and, with that,  the tension between the two of you grew palpable like a storm on the horizon.

Feeling the weight of the situation bearing down upon you, you glanced back into the room, wishing that Cillian could somehow disappear, like a mirage in the desert heat, leaving both you and Sean alone, untouched by the web of complications that had ensnared you both. But, you knew better.

"I belong to no one Sean," you  spoke softly, feeling a sickness rise in your throat at the thought. "Not to Cillian, or you either. I have a life of my own to live."

Your words hung heavy in the humid air, letting the weight of their meaning sink in. Sean looked at you with a troubled gaze, unsure of how to respond.

"I will call you tomorrow?" he then simply asked, causing a flash of confusion in your mind.

"Sure, I would appreciate that," you managed to say before Sean disappeared and drove off  in his car. You returned to the party, feeling lost and confused, trying to shake off the awkward energy that lingered between you and Sean.

Sean, on the other hand, made a call to his friend Mark. "Fuck morals. I am done playing nice. Give me all the dirt you can find on him," he demanded, wasting no time to beat around the bush.

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[justcallmecj]

Don't Play With Love Potions

"Is it bad I'm curious what the guys would do if someone slipped alovepotion into their food/drinks as a prank, and reader was the first person they saw?" Courtesy of- Luna the shiny eevee (On Quotev)

Anyway, I randomized a boy and got Jack! There was no specific person in that comment, so I hope they won't mind that I chose one of the boys myself! (Lots of flustered and embarrassed Jack!)

        Potions class was kicking his ass. It's like Crewel just suddenly decided to throw a shit ton of information at the class out of nowhere and wanted them to be able to do everything on short notice!

        Now, potions class may not be Jack's best subject, but he's never particularly struggled with it. All he had to do was pay attention and study, when need be, and he'd be good. Someone must have done something to Crewel for him to suddenly torture his students.

        But all that is what led Jack to be where he is now. In the potionology classroom, hunched over a book of recipes, ingredients strewn about the table and some red-ish colored liquid boiling in a cauldron. For the most part, everything was going according to plan. He'd been practicing and studying the potions and retained most of the information without any problems.

        Then, his friend Y/N came into the room. His sharp ears immediately caught onto their entrance, and he turned to greet them.

        "Hey Y/N! What brings you here?" he asked while putting down the vial he held in his hand. Y/N walked over to him and placed down their bag.

        "Nothing much honestly." they said. Their wings spread out wide behind their back and their tail curled around in front of them. "I heard that you were studying in here and thought I'd come keep you company!" Y/N pulled out a laptop from their bag and placed it on the table as they sat across from Jack.

        "Well, thank you. I don't mind the company as long as you don't distract me." Jack joked, causing Y/N to laugh. They waved a hand dismissively as they reassured Jack that they wouldn't distract him while he was working.

        Seeming to remember something, Y/N reached into their bag again and pulled out a plastic bag from it. "By the way, Ruggie asked me to give this to you." they said as they handed the plastic bag to Jack. He took it and pulled out a ham and turkey sandwich. "He said he made a little too much food today and made a sandwich for you with some of the leftovers. He ran into me while trying to find you and asked me to give it to you."

        Jack took a bite out of the sandwich and realized how hungry he had actually been. Usually, he gets a snack after school, but he didn't since he stayed behind to study. Happily, he had a few more bites and left what was left for when he's done with work.

        Y/N giggled watching Jack garble down the food like he hadn't eaten in days. Jack pouted at their teasing but just pushed it to the back of his mind.

        Jack and Y/N sat in comfortable silence and did their individual work for a good 20 minutes when Y/N noticed that Jack had stopped moving. They moved their laptop to the side and tried to get Jack's attention.

        "Jack? Hey! Are you okay? Jack! JACK!" they kept waving their hand in front of his face, but nothing could snap him out of this strange trance. Not even his ears twitched at the yelling and calling of his name. Y/N's worry only increased when Jack's eyes closed, and his head hit the table.

        They stood up and rushed to his side and shook his shoulders. Slowly, Jack got back up.

        "Jack?! Are you okay?? What happened!?" He held his head in his hands and shook around, trying to wake himself up. He still had yet to respond to Y/N. After a few moments, groggily, he finally spoke.

        "Yeah, yeah, I'm....good..." His words were slurred, but coherent. That was enough to stamp down Y/N's worries a tad. He finally gained the strength to look up. His eyes met Y/N and stayed there, like he was stuck. If Y/N didn't know they had impeccable eyesight, they would have played off the faint, pink swirl in his eyes as their imagination.

        Something wasn't right, and Y/N knew it.

        "Hey...you're really pretty, you know that?" he said, snapping Y/N from the spiral of thought in their mind.

        "W-what?" Y/N stuttered. Why would he suddenly say that? Jack looked away and hid his face by his shoulder. A faint blush crept up his neck and he mumbled something to himself that Y/N didn't bother to try and understand.

        "I said...that you're really pretty." He was still facing the other direction. "I-Is there something wrong with me saying that??" Jack asked, he turned his head back to face Y/N and willed himself to look them in the eyes.

        Once they looked closer, Y/N saw the difference in Jack. It definitely wasn't their imagination. There was a pink color in Jack's eyes, it swirled and mixed with his gold eyes, pulsing at times and sending ripples through the mixed color.

        There had to have been something in that sandwich Jack ate.

        "Jack? How do you feel right now?" Y/N waited for a response but didn't let go of his shoulders. Jack was slow to respond, seemingly distracted by looking at Y/N's eyes.

        "I feel...just fine.." he stalled. "But I feel like kissing you.." That caught Y/N off guard. They felt their face heat up and their brain failed to think straight. Jack's words seemed to finally hit him. His cheeks grew pink and his ears laid flat against his head. Despite the embarrassment, he didn't back down. He continued to stare Y/n in the eyes, even if it made the blushing worse.

        Y/N finally started to understand what may have happened and now Jack's sudden words made sense. A love potion. A potion that induces and increases a person's love. It typically lasts for a couple hours, five usually, but can be more or less depending on the strength of the potion. People also tend to be a lot more...verbal with their feelings when under the potion's effects.

        Jack confessing he wanted to kiss Y/N really didn't help Y/N ignore the feelings they had for Jack that they preferred to keep down.

        Y/N's liked Jack for a long time now but was too scared to admit it. They didn't know if he'd return the feelings and didn't want to risk ruining their friendship. But due to the current circumstance, they could indulge a little, right? Chances were high he'd only have fuzzy memories once the potion wore off, and then Y/N could just play it off as trying to help him with the potions effects if he asked. One method to get a potion like this to wear off quicker is to indulge the person.

        What if he does end up remembering? What would I do then? He'd hate me after that. There's no way he wouldn't.

        There's only one small detail Y/N forgot about love potions.

        They can't create feelings, only enhance already existing ones.

        Jack seemed to lose whatever patience he had. He got closer to Y/N's face, which snapped them out of their spiral of thoughts. He just stayed there, staring. Y/N didn't know what to do.

        "Can I?" he asked, his voice was filled with emotions, some of which Y/N had never heard from him. It took a moment before they understood what he was asking. He genuinely wanted to kiss them. Would he be saying these things if he wasn't under the potion's effects?

        Y/N nodded.

       Jack moved forward, all the way until his lips connected with Y/N's. His ears stood up again, and his tail wagged even if he tried to stop it. Y/N wasn't doing any better controlling themselves. Their tail uncurled and swished behind them. Their wings twitched and the longer the two stayed like that, the more the wings flared out.

        Y/N gently pushed Jack back a bit. He wasn't the happiest with that action but did nothing to stop it just in case. Y/N turned away from him, intense blush covering their face. The sight made Jack blush, but he also chuckled at them. Y/N got even more flustered and pushed Jack more forcefully as well as hit him on the top of his head, but it was a gentle hit and lacked the force to hurt.

        "Jack...I think we should be careful about this." Y/N finally managed to say. Jack raised his brow in confusion.

        "Why?" he asked. Y/N could hear the tad bit of hurt in his question. Crap. He's not in a clear enough mind for me to tell him about the potion, he'd reject the idea. I need to come up with an actual reason. 

        "Is t-this really something you want to do out in the open?" Y/N asked. Jack brought his face closer again and Y/N stumbled to elaborate. "I-I mean!" they took a breath, "shouldn't we go somewhere where it can just be the two of us? To avoid being interrupted!" For the Sevens sake, that shouldn't have been as hard as it was, nor that embarrassing!!

        "I guess..." he started. Y/N watched as a resolve settled in his eyes. He swiftly put away the potion ingredients he was studying, stuffed his books into his bag, carefully put Y/N's stuff in their bag, grabbed both bags and latched onto Y/N's wrist, pulling them out of the potionology room.

        Y/N didn't know where Jack was dragging them, but they didn't put up a fight about it. Eventually, Jack came to a stop, forcing Y/N to do the same. They found themself at the door of an empty classroom. With a final tug, Jack pulled Y/N into the classroom. He placed both of their things by a desk and motioned for them to sit down. They obliged. They scooted over so Jack could sit too. The seat was plenty long, so there was plenty of space. (It's like the desks you see in the lessons of the game)

        He took the seat and faced the front of the room, not Y/N. They took the initiative to break the ice.

        "Jack, why are we in here?" they asked, placing a hand on the others shoulder. There was no way they could miss how Jack's tail wagged at the contact. He turned to Y/N, and Y/N caught sight of his current condition on full volume. His cheeks and a bit of his neck was fully pink. His face scrunched up with embarrassment. The potion was doing all sorts of things to him, and he didn't understand to the same degree that Y/N did.

        He quickly reached for Y/N's hands, holding them in his own, then using what seemed like quite a bit of willpower to look them in the eyes. Y/N met that stare with some embarrassment of their own.

        "I don't really know what I'm doing right now, but I'm going to keep going with it until something happens!" he shouts, more to himself than to Y/N from the sound of it.

        He let go of Y/N's hands and pulled them into a tight hug. Y/N was stunned with shock as Jack tightened the hug slightly. He was clearly pushing himself to make sure he didn't chicken out and embarrass himself further. Once Y/N had enough time to process Jack's actions, they returned the hug, pulling their wings around their conjoined forms and encasing the two in a protective cocoon.

        Now in the cocoon, his heart rate, which Y/N had been listening to since the potion effects started, slowed down considerably from what it had been this whole time. His grip loosed just a bit, he seemed more at ease. He knew how large Y/N's wings were, and he was sure that no one could see him from the outside with the way they covered him. It let him calm down.

        He pulled away just enough to properly speak to Y/N. "Sorry," he mumbled. He nuzzled his head into their neck a little, which tickled but Y/N stayed still as to not freak him out. But they did allow a small giggle to escape their lips. Jack, upon hearing this, huffed and nuzzled further into their neck. This only gave Y/N more reasons to giggle and laugh. Eventually though, they took pity on the poor wolf.

        "So, did you bring me in here just to cuddle with me?" they asked, Y/N really was curious to know if that's all Jack had planned. He pulled his head back and stared into Y/N's eyes. That pink from earlier swirled around in the gold again. Y/N had come to realize that it was a tell-tale sign that the love potion was doing something.

        Jack closed the space between the two again and locked Y/N into another kiss. Thankfully, they were a bit better prepared this time for the feeling and how it effected them. Jack pushed into Y/N more than he had the first kiss. Y/N made sure to keep their wings up and around Jack, wanting to make him feels as comfortable as possible.

        After a good while of long kisses and a few pecks on the lips mixed in, Jack let Y/n go. He backed up, but not far enough that Y/N had their own personal space again. Their noses brushed against one another whenever either breathed a certain way.

        Jack looked kinda out of it. Like his brain was still caught up in the middle of the make out session that just happened. "....I love you," he muttered under his breath. "I have for a long time, but I didn't know how to say it." Y/N was utterly shocked. They didn't know what to say.

        The boy they'd been heavily crushing on for months, the same boy they had watched from across the table at lunch every day, the same boy that was right then practically sitting in their lap, red all over his face, eyes half lidded, and had just made out with them not even a minute ago, was now sitting there and confessing that he loved them. It was a situation they had played out in their head countless time, but never expected to come true. But it had. What else can they do-

        "I love you too, Jack." they said breathlessly.

        -but seize the moment?

        Those words excited Jack. He looked up with a brand-new vigor in his eyes. He lit up, pushing himself up. His tail wagged fiercely behind him, and his ears flicked in every which direction. "Really!?" he shouted, a little to loud for Y/N's powerful hearing and how close he was right now. They giggled, nonetheless.

        "Yes, Jack. I feel the same way, have for a long time." He basically jumped at Y/N, pushing them backwards and forcing them onto their back against the long seat of the classroom. He laid on their chest, practically beaming with joy and love. This is my new favorite face for him.

        He finally settled down and rested his chin on the middle of Y/N's chest. Not far from their face, but not too close for it to feel claustrophobic, especially since they were still cocooned.

        They both just sat there and stared into each other's eyes, admiring the one they loved. Y/n watched as the pink swirl in his eyes got faster and faster, curling into itself before finally fizzing out and disappearing. He smiled differently than before, a smile that could leave anyone with no doubt, that he absolutely loved Y/N.

        "I love you." he said.

        "What are you laughing to yourself about?" Leona asked Ruggie with clear annoyance in his tone. Ruggie, who had been hunched over the counter with and open bag of bread, leftover lunch meat and a now empty glass vial with a bit of pink residue on it, made one more giggle before looking his dormleader in the eyes. He adjusted himself to be leaning against the counter more comfortably.

       "You remember our little conversation about how annoying it was to watch our Dear Dragon and Little Wolf pin each other for so long without realizing they both liked each other?" he asked. Leona looked him up and down like he may have lost it from all the laughing.

        "Yeah, it was annoying and starting to get on my nerves. What about it?" Ruggie reached over and grabbed the empty vial. He held it up to Leona, who grabbed it and put it up to his nose. He blanched from the strong smell the moment it hit him. He knew exactly what potion this was, he remembered the class where he made it for some test vividly.

        "Well, I think I found a damn good solution. And all it took was a sandwich and a little errand from Y/N." he laughed that signature laugh of his. Leona couldn't help but chuckle along with him. Finally, the ever-painful shows of pinning between Y/N and Jack were being put to an end.

[nerdygaymormon]

Happy Pride

I want to wish a Happy Pride to:

Green Carnations

In 1892, Oscar Wilde had some of his friends wear a green carnation on their left lapels to the opening night of his show. An elegant and witty character in the play—who paralleled real-life Oscar Wilde—wore a carnation as part of his costume. Why green? It was an unnatural color for a carnation, Wilde chose this since it was said that homosexuality was unnatural. The green carnation became associated with Wilde and his flamboyant friends, and adopted by others as a secret code to show others that you're gay.

"Be Gay, Do Crime"

The slogan "Be gay, do crime" has existed since at least 2011. The slogan suggests that crime and incivility may be necessary to earn equal rights given the criminalization of homosexuality around the world and a reminder that the Stonewall uprising was a riot. The slogan stands in contrast to the polished, corporate version of contemporary Pride, and shows that queerness has always been transgressive, regardless of its legal status. Part of being queer is being willing to push boundaries and protect one's self from the law since we have traditionally been attacked by it.

Peppermint Patty and Marcie

Peppermint Patty defied traditional gender norms. She played all sorts of sports at a time when it wasn't common for girls to do so. All the other female characters wore dresses, but Patty wears a t-shirt, shorts and sandals and the only other female character not to wear dresses is Marcie.

Peppermint Patty regularly flirts with Charlie Brown and has a strong bond with Marcie. While we don't know for sure, it certainly seems that Peppermint Patty is bi and her best friend Marcie is a lesbian.

I can imagine Peppermint Patty organizing the school's GSA or an all-inclusive dance, and loudly calling out any queerphobia. I like thinking of Patty getting a man's suit from a thrift store and going to Prom where she dances with both Marcie and Charlie Brown

Absolute Vodka

In 1979, Absolute decided to enter the American market, but sales were slow. In 1981, Absolut starting targeting the LGBTQ consumer with the idea this group are trendsetters. Since 1981, Absolut has had print ads in queer magazines, sponsored events in gay bars, donated more than $40 million to queer charities and causes, sponsors the GLAAD Media Awards, and numerous major LGBTQ events in the US annually. Absolut has commissioned many openly gay artists to create ads, such as Andy Warhol, Nereyda Garcia Ferraz, David Spada, Keith Haring and Kenny Scharf. Supporting the queer community in 1981 was risky, but they have invested in the community and earned loyalty in return.

Pink Triangle

In the 1930s and 1940s, just as Nazi Germany required Jews in the concentration camps to wear a yellow star of David, gay men, bi men, and trans women, had to wear a downward-pointing triangle on their chest. The symbol was reclaimed in the 1970's by the queer liberation movement as a symbol against homophobia, and then was adopted widely by the LGBTQ community. The community took this symbol from the holocaust to show we are stronger than the worst done to us.

The pink triangle has largely been replaced by the rainbow Pride flag, and a reason for this is explaining why a pink triangle is the symbol of the community required an explanation of its dark past and therefore was about what others did to us rather than a symbol representing who we are and our hopes & aspirations. Although it isn't used much anymore, it's important to remember the pink triangle as the first widely-adopted visual symbol of the queer community

Ace & Aro Rings

Beginning in 2005, wearing a black ring on the middle finger of your right hand became a way for people to signify their asexuality. The material and design of the ring are not important as long as it is primarily black. It’s about carrying a reminder on our hands that there are others like us, and it's a way to identify each other. A white ring on the left hand of the middle finger is the aro equivalent.

Eyebrow Slits

Eyebrow slits were a trend in the hip hop community in the 1990's and were called "eyebrow cuts." The trend fell out of style, but were brought back in the 2010's by some male artists and models as an edgy fashion statement. Lesbians quickly adopted this trend, perhaps as a way of showing they aren't beholden to gendered fashion rules, and it quickly grew in popularity on social media as a way for members of the queer community to express themselves and signal to each other. It seems natural that a fashion style containing an underlying rebelliousness appeals to a group who are marginalized by society. The eyebrow slit trend largely has faded except among the LGBTQ+ community, and so has become associated with us.

Nautical Star Tattoos

For centuries, sailors would get tattoos, often of images with symbolic meanings, such as the nautical star (which represents the North Star) and was believed to ensure a sailor’s safe return home. In the 1940s and 50s, lesbians were navigating the choppy waters of societal norms and expectations and this five-pointed star tattoo became their compass, helping them find others like themselves. They'd get this tattoo on the inner wrist because it could be covered by a watch strap during the day, allowing women to hide their identity when necessary for their safety or professional lives, but reveal it in safe spaces, which contributed to a sense of community and unity. This symbol was revived in the 1970's and is still observed by some to this day.

Online "Am I Gay?" Quizzes

A common experience of people who are gay, bi, and pan, is they find an online quiz that will ask a few questions and then determine whether you are gay, or will reveal how gay you are (as though this can be graded like a school test). Sometimes the questions are lighthearted, while others try to be more serious. Here's the thing, more than any quiz results, searching for this type of quiz is probably the biggest indicator that a person experiences attraction to people of their same gender. It can be helpful for someone to have a "confirmation" of how they're feeling, and thus these "am I gay" quizzes will remain a rite of passage many.

Subaru

In the early 1990's, Subaru was struggling. Sales of their dependable but plain cars were in decline. Subaru knew teachers, healthcare professionals, IT professionals, and the outdoorsy types bought 1/2 their cars in America, and they targeted advertisements at those groups. Soon they realized there was yet another core group, lesbians were 4 times more likely than the average American to purchase a Subaru.

Subaru began printing advertisements that made subtle nods to lesbians in a way that slipped past the notice of other Americans, such as having the license plate "XENA LVR" on a car. Many ads had taglines with double meanings. "Get Out. And Stay Out" could refer to exploring the outdoors in a Subaru—or coming out as gay. "It’s Not a Choice. It’s the Way We’re Built" could refer to all Subarus coming with all-wheel-drive—or an LGBTQ identity.

Subaru noticed a group of customers and created ads for them, a group which often felt unwelcome and invisible. The campaign was so successful that it became a stereotype that lesbians drive Subarus, even leading to the word "Lesbaru." Polls show that the queer community views Subaru as the most queer-friendly brand.

[gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan]

Wonders Unceasing

Prologue =-= Past =-= Next

Author's note: Zaarius next part in Husbandry.

Warnings: Let me know if I need to add anything.

Summary: Zaarius meets his Bonded Human.

Tagged: @barn-anon, @bleedingichorhearts, @c-u-c-koo-4-40k, @egrets-not-regrets, @kit-williams,

Tagged continued: @sleepyfan-blog, @whorety-k

Zaarius is walking along one of Ancient Terra's sandy beaches, the ocean's water lapping at his feet a little as he let his mind water as his eyes gaze out accross the waves and beaches. It's pretty on Terra, at least, in this point in time. Before War, Greedy, and whatever else it was in the future-past that destroyed this agri-like world into the shit-hole that it had become. Part of him wondered if them being on Ancient Terra would change things, or if things were going to go the way they had because they'd shown up. Or-

ow

His mind stops thinking along those lines as he rips off his helmet, his nose bleeding a little. Ow. This was why Psyker-type brothers and cousins were best when dealing with Warp Nonsense, regardless of the fact that he's a Chaos Marine, and has been one for a long, long time. Sometimes it's better to stop prying into things that are Too Much for a person. Figuring that out is the trick of it all. He is glad, mostly, to be on Ancient Terra, to see how it had once been, before things got Bad.

He's been looking out, searching for his Bonded, not all Space Marines have a bonded, but some do, three of his current War Band do. And while he's happy for them, he gets seethingly jealous as well. How sweet and unafraid the Bonded Human is of their Chaos Marine. No matter how twisted and inhumane they trully are in appearance. The human will just coo lovingly, flaterringly about them.

He unclenches his hands, gently shaking his claws a little. He's glad that they aren't uncontrollably drippoing poison any more. That had been a pain in the ass to get resolved. The Little shit hadn't apologized, no matter how long he was stuck inside the base. It was almost impressive, even if it was annoying. Hura would tell him to not nurse his wounded pride. He would point out to Hura that, for some reason, he likes the Little Bastard Son of Dorn.

Then again, Zaarius doesn't really get what's going on in that head of his. Death Guard… even more Chaos were an odd bunch. They've become even more strange over the ensuing ten thousand years. He's chasing new sensations and experiences, things tend to be more vibrant and colorful. Rather than how experiences, following after The God of Excess had slowly emptied him out and made him more hollow, despite seeking out more and more intense experiences to get to feel Something. Anything.

That is one good thing about Ancient Terra, despite its many, many drawbacks. Playing nicey-nice with the Renegade and Loyalists sometimes chafes his hide. But. at least he's mostly used to that. With the occasional scuffles with some of the Uppity among them. Or when new arrivals first show up and decide to try and Murder Them First. Fucking over-zealous bastards the lot of them!

He usually didn't volunteer for finding new arrivals, as they tended to take being on Terra, Ancient Terra, poorly in some way to begin with. While it's fun to see the anguish and torment on the faces of the Loyalists, well. Even that gets boring if he has to deal with it for too long or too often. He spots someone staring out at the ocean, a base line human, they seem to be leaning on a cane.

He tilts his head as he heads closer to the base line human, bored and wanting to see if he can pester a reaction out of a base line human sounds like a grand time to him. Besides, so long as he stays within the rules there is plenty of give and loop holes that he can worm his way through if need be.

"Greetings human," He calls out to them in a sing song way in High Gothic.

The human turns to stare at him, shifting back a little as they crane their neck to stare up at him fully. Base line humans tend to be far less skittish of them on Ancient Terra than back in his home Era. Or any Era where Astartes are created to serve and protect.

"Hello there," They reply with a slight twitch of their lips, in the common tongue of the base line humans in this area.

He can understand more of the language than he can speak it, mostly so he understand what the base line humans are saying, rather than an urge or desire to interact with them, most of the time. There is a warm, tugging sensation, that envelops his soul as he continues to speak with this base line human that he's not felt before. Curious to know what the feeling is and why he's feeling it he continues to follow after the human talking to them and listening to them respond, as they sound increasingly more confused until he decides to put them out of their misery, for not at least and says in the local dialect very clearly and carefully in his enunciation.

"You and I," He says as the words roll of his tongue like sweet caramel, "Bonded."

"Oh!" The human says with a gasp, eyes widening in surprise, and a mixture of other emotions. "It's oh. I'm glad to meet you. I'm ---."

"A lovely name for a lovely human," He purrs, "Call me Zaarius."

They mouth his name to themselves a couple of times before saying it out loud. And oh- what a rapturous experience to hear his newly bonded human say his name. He purrs more loudly at that. Pleased that they are almost correct on the pronunciation after a couple of times. He continues to follow after his lovely human, sending a message to the rest of his War Band that he's found his human. They all congratulate him for finding his human, his Captain, who's being unusually nice, has decided to allow him a month or two off to get to know and bond with his human more. The sends a thank you back before continuing to trail after his human.

[punkeropercyjackson]

Ben 10 rewrite-fix-selfship thangs by me and my little sister @mayameanderings we did agesssss ago but am only posting now since my friend @franollie is re-entering the fandom!

My s/i's name is Solana Cristalina!!!He's half Petrosapien,half (afro-dominican) human,transmasc genderfluid and bigender,audhd,super bubbly,chaotic,physically incapable of not running his mouth,a pastel punk femme,a mom friend and has a mean streak that's mostly funny but sometimes angsty or played for coolness against villains!His design is meant to look like a half white black person because that's what i am but since he's made of crystals,his colors reflect the primary light of whatever scene he's in(Hobie Brown moment).His eyes glow in the dark and he's strange looking but not enough to not pass as human!

His dad,Diarius,raised him on Petropia for the first 5 years of his life but decided Earth was safer for him and so he started being raised by his mom,Mariana.He had his own special debut episode in Classic called 'Crystal up,Sunshine' and Mariana is a Bruja who mentored Lucky Girl!Gwen on her and her son and daughter's summer jewel collection travels after Solana had his adventure with Ben and Gwen and became basically like siblings with them even though he was only in a few episodes for that run.Him and Kevin met the same year but at their school where Solana was a Special ED kid and Kevin was in a club/support group for troubled kids.He sat in front of Kevin and he was like 'This shiny kid is gonna blind me' which led to them talking and Solana was like 'His edge is going to cut me' /irony.They befriended eachother nonetheless before Kevin dropped out as he's implied to be homeless in canon and Solana was upset since he was his only friend but they reunite in the show itself with the exact quote 'Holy shit,edgy kid!!!' and 'Holy smokes,shiny kid!!!' but it dosen't end well just yet since Kevin was an antagonist at the time

Kevin is black monoracial but mixed etchnicity-His mom is mexican and Devin's american.He was taught to seperate his blackness from his latinohood and he grew up disconnected to his blackness due to almost no other black people around and becoming best friends with Solana was the start of healing journey og embracing his afrolatino identity.He participates in both black latino and black american culture since he's half both!!He used to feel guilty about falling under stereotypes but now sticks it to racists by being way better than them and loves himself for who he is!He has fang grills by Omniverse and his redemption arc in Alien Force isn't relient on romance despite Kelana being a big part of it

The Tennysons are white latinos with Abuelo Max being an argentinian inmigrant based purely on vibes and Verdona was latina too(poc swag transcends solar systems.Next question‼️).Gwen is a lesbian and dating Kai,Julie,Ester and Charmcaster and the last one was her first love and there was so much unnecessary gay drama that could've easily been avoided if Gwen wasn't such a loser when it comes to romance and her and Ben's character development sticks instead of keeping them static characters for the sake of unfunny comedy.Ben and Rook's obviously a thing as a plot that's not really a plot twist since their dynamic is the same as in canon but intentionally romantic

They're also all trans and autistic

Kai is recurring in Alien Force and respectfully written as navajo instead of only existing for Ben and having a fucking feather in her hair and is an official member of Team 10,as is Julie who's also not a Ben love interest but a girlgeek that has a sibling-like relathionship with him and has Ship pre-debut as she gets her own special like Solana that dives into her backstory.Ester's way more prominent too and yet another member and has quiet bpd due to childhood trauma but is helped with it by her friends and girlfriends

The last additions to complete Team 10 to make it fit it's namesake are Charmcaster,Albedo and Alan.Hope is still technically a villain but a dear friend to everyone on the gang who regularly spends time with them and helps on missions,Albedo got a fullon redemption arc and Alan was pretty much adopted/taken in by everyone since he dosen't have parents

Solana and Ben are a 'i'm mean to you because i love you' typa beat,Solana and Gwen are soul sisters who bond over everything and on the same level to eachother as him and Kevin are and Kelana in Classic was Kevin actively trying to make Solana worse but Solana is such a nice person that it dosen't work,in Alien Force they get to be proper longterm friends with crushes undertones and in Omniverse they basically act like they're dating already but are still complete oblivious.They develop all throught the franchise and don't get together until the final series:Ben 10 Forever

Ben 10 Forever takes place in Ben's young adult years and is a darker,more complex story to reflect it.This includes Solana dying when he saved Diarus' life in a battle in episode 1 but being ressurected with Petrosapien resources and having trauma from it and Diarus has survivor's guilt.He was always afraid something would happen because he just dosen't trust most human's and blames himself moreso because he feels he should've been there full time,even though he wasn't neglectful and visited all the time with him and Mariana just being long distance

Kevin having mimic powers and Solana being crystalline=They're a reflection of eachother

Mr Smoothie is Team 10's hangout and Solana has a job at a thrift store and convinced Ben to be hired alongside him

[kozumesphone]

also, second one (cause i couldnt resist)

if u seek amy! i think thatll be fun

my hobby is reading and playing the guitar!

i think i read like fifty books last year..

my fav books are pjo tlt (its nostalgic ok!!) and the hunger games series

i like to play mostly taylor swift and gracie abrams songs on the guitar!

i basically steal my sisters guitar whenever i want to play cause i dont have my own lol (im better than her)

my favorite taylor swift song is youre on your own kid

my favorite gracie abrams song is feels like

my favorite color is yellow (pretty obvious i think) it reminds me of sunshine and just overall happy things yk?

my favorite season is spring! the flowers start blooming and theyre so pretty (downside are the bugs)

i have a lot of favorite shows: stranger things, brooklyn 99, the good place, modern family

my favorite subject is chemistry! i love learning about the world around me and its properties etcetc

some random stuff about my personality: i get distracted so easily its a nightmare to study, i am an emotional wreck i cry easily, definitely a night owl, hufflepuff, daughter of poseidon

i dont mind if u pick someone from a book i dont recognise, that will just give me incentive to read it!!!

oh forgot to mention im a straight girl

love uuuu and congrats again!!!

⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

CORASON⭑.ᐟ

⟢ “I love you, okay, darling!”

a/n: okay but the way the ship name is corason? which sounds so close to corazon? which means like ‘my dear’ in italian, I think?? MADE FOR EACH OTHER MUCH 🤭💓

I think you’d best match with jason grace!

I mean, daughter of poseidon x son of jupiter? hello?? PERFECTION!!

jason would learn to play the piano while you play the guitar, so you guys could play music together

he LOVES laying on your stomach while you read on your bed and run your fingers through his hair

^ sometimes, he even falls asleep like that, and you both slowly shift into cuddling

he definitely hypes you up to finish your goodreads reading goal, if not exceed it (what can I say? he’s jason grace)

he definitely went to the ballad of songbirds and snakes movie with you (supportive bfs even when they have no idea what you read/watch >>)

he once asked you why you love yoyok by taylor, and straight up bawled while you explained to him what the song meant

he’s a very sunshine-y person, just like you, so when you guys are together, leo pretends to faint and says “too much sun! i’m getting sunstroke! help!!” and he thinks he’s really funny (i’d laugh, ngl <3)

come springtime, he lets you put all the flowers you collect over the summer into his hair

^ he also does the rapunzel braid on your hair and puts in matching flowers in it

(he drives away the bugs for you, dw!)

in an au, he’d never have heard of any tv shows, but after hearing you yap to him about them, he watches them ALL and makes notes about them too (about what? only he knows.)

okay, here we’re going off the rails so badly, but it’s a very ooc and personal hc of mine: jason sucks ASS at geography and chemistry. he will literally breakdown at the very thought of them.

he gets you to help him out with the chemistry part, and he teaches you math (if you’re not good at it already)!

he makes sure you don’t let yourself get burnt out while studying, and also makes sure you don’t get distracted and procrastinate

he comforts you at any time of the day: you say it, he’ll be over asap to give you free cuddles with your favourite chocolates & drinks

sometimes, he doesn’t even need you to tell him. he’ll just. know. when you’re feeling off. and his jacie senses tingle, and he calls you up and goes, “is it cuddletime?” and then drives over

while you’re a night owl, he’s an early bird (he must teach me his way, tho, because h o w)

^ you stay up till 2-3 am reading/studying and wake up by 9 or 10 am, while he sleeps by 10 pm and wakes up by 5 am to the dot

so you guys leave each other sticky notes before going to bed for the other one to see when they wake up

you guys 100% go on bookstore dates (he buys you everything you can carry on your own), library/study dates (especially while grinding during finals szn), museum dates (to mock the statues), beach dates (so he can get mesmerised while watching you do silly little tricks with the water and talk to the fishies), etc.

his love language is 101% physical touch & acts of service <3

temp. taglist — @nuncscioquidsitamor-14 @mqstermindswift @puffoz @skeelly @urmomabby

@sunnitheapollokid @jgracie @canonfeminine @cinemaconrad @roses4plvto

@urbanflorals @aezuria @thetunnelunderoceanboulevard @cherigall @percabethluvr

@pjoverseluvr @maybxlle @mershellscape @riordanness @starlitszn

@metyouattherighttime @a-beautiful-fool @sequinsnstars @ssparksflyy @fayvpor

@iheartgirlzn @nomournersnofunerals @over-the-ocean-call @seaglass-and-string @cer3lia

@lara20aral @bloophasarrived @xoxochb @auroraofthesun1 @sophiesonlinediary

@solangelotus @brodieland @s1utlvr @imasimpdealwithit @waitingonher

@nqds @skyrigel @daydream-of-a-wallflower @hermidastouch @catastrxblues

@moon-drop18 @d4rkdi0rrr @hopelesslyromantic-shark @saltwatergirl6 @hope92100

event masterlist

[spookythesillyfella]

i should draw little guy little stuff more often . methinks

★ [ songs based on : "incarnadine" , "before" , "volatil" , "rapid_data_transfer" – "THIRTY" by Oliver Buckland ]

[dirtytransmasc]

its so weird thinking about childhood best friends you don't know anymore. like. the girl and her siblings who lived next door for year, who I used to considered my sister, who now looking back on it was probably my first crush ever, who swore we would grow up together, who was only 'visiting' her family for a month, turns out her parents lied to us, I never saw her again. the girls I went to summer to summer camp with every year and now I can barely remember there faces.

like. how are they doing?

I still can't conceptualize that these people who mattered *so* much to me are just... gone... chances are that I will never see them again, especially my best friend who's back in Pakistan, and even if I did, so much time has passed that I would most likely not recognize them even if I did see them.

[hellothepixel]

"high school musical" <<< "high school musical but it's the gay remake in my head"