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animeismyhappyplace · 1 year

Text

Who knew missing a work meeting could lead to this?!

Y/N misses one of Port Mafia Executive Chuuya Nakahara's team meetings so she must explain herself to him, he invites her back to his place under the guise she needs to help him with paperwork when smut ensues.

This is my own work not a reblog! Please do not repost or translate without permission as I've worked very hard on this!

TW - Minors DNI!

daddy kink, pet names, bondage play. Might be a lil OOC I've never written for Chuuya before or written kink smut so be kind 🙏

Word Limit: just over 4K 🥵

Y/N had been avoiding her supervisor officer all week, she had deliberately missed his most recent bi weekly round up meeting and she knew he'd be pissed at her for it. She'd rounded a corner in the main Port Mafia building when she heard a stern voice speak out "Why didn't you come to the meeting we had?" she sighs and looks down at her shoes suddenly finding them very interesting "Can we go to your office sir? I'd feel much more comfortable talking in private?" She hadn't even turned to look at him yet before she heard him mumble a non committal "Whatever" listening as his shoes hit against the marble floors so she turned and followed him down the small corridor. When they finally reached his office he ushered her in pushing gently at her lower back as she took in his office, not for the first time and probably not the last time, it's walls were painted in a sleek grey and silver theme very minimalist if she did think so herself but exactly what one may expect from a Port Mafia executive she thought as she sat in the black office chair across from his own. As he sat down she could see the annoyance that burned across his face at having to have another meeting about this topic which was cutting into his personal time, his fingers thumped against his desk as he looked across to her "So? What do you have to say for yourself this time L/N?" She gulped at his tone before responding sheepishly "I wasn't actually sure I'd need to come honestly, I've felt kind of sidelined on recent missions and wasn't sure I was strong enough to be classed as your subordinate. I know my ability can be useful but I don't know..." She trails off as she looks to the side focusing on a rather small speck of dust on his computer screen until she hears his huff wearily "You're not being sidelined, you're just getting more experience." he says sternly before taking a sip of what looked like some variation of a red wine. "And besides, you're doing great work so far you just lack confidence." The woman can't help but pout slightly at her mentors words as true as they may be that doesn't stop the string that hits her chest and settled in the cracks of her heart "it doesn't feel that way honestly sir" she can't look him in the eyes when she's still so unsure of her place on his team, it's a highly sought after post she knows this but maybe that's what makes it hurt more knowing she's not good enough for it yet.

He watches her crestfallen face for a moment before he replies "It does feel good that you're here, trust me." his tone softens slightly but there is still an edge to it "I'm sorry I disappointed you sir...it won't happen again! Did I miss much? maybe you could give me a recap now if you're able" she pleads to her mentor to not give up on her just yet "We were discussing our next week..." He pauses for a moment before continuing "...and then someone interrupted us by saying they wanted to talk about their feelings about certain member of the team..." he takes another sip of his wine before he begins again "she wants to quit now" shock racks across her face "That's not good, we can't afford to lose any more members especially if they keep going to the ADA, I'll...talk with whoever it is maybe I can change their mind!" She offers up her suggestion hastily "No, no," he shakes his head quickly "Don't bother talking to her, let her go, we don't need anyone who isn't loyal anymore." he stares at her intently "Just tell her that she needs to stay or else she'll regret it later." She gulps as she nods understanding the severity of wanting the leave the mafia "Of course sir. I'll pass the message on" she stutters out. "Good girl." She can't help but flush pink at the term, he's never called her anything like that before.

He smiles faintly as he leans back in his chair "Now then, what else should we discuss?" his eyes wander around the room for a second before returning to look directly into her e/c eyes "Do you know why Higuchi wants to leave?" he asks calmly yet firmly "N-no sir why?" "Because she didn't agree with your plans for the future." He says bluntly "Because she thought you weren't taking care of yourself enough." He pauses briefly before adding "But most importantly, she couldn't stand being near you anymore." He sighs deeply "That's all there was to it" "What?! I haven't done anything to offend her... Have I?" she starts to sift through memories to see what she had done to hurt her friend "Of course you did! You were always so irritating!" He snaps angrily "You never cared about getting yourself nearly killed which puts everyone else in danger too!"

He stands up suddenly and begins pacing around the room "It doesn't matter how many times you apologize or beg forgiveness, nothing will ever change the fact that you're an awful subordinate" she can't help the hurt that shoots into her chest and flashes across her face "I have always tried my best!...sir..." She stops talking about her voice can crack with pain. "Oh please..." His voice drops slightly as he stops pacing and turns towards her "...don't lie to yourself." He takes another step closer until their faces are almost touching "The truth is plain to see now. All these years spent trying to make everyone happy only made you miserable in the end." Her brow furrows at his statement "Maybe...but the team functions better now than it ever has! Someone had to sacrifice for the better of the organisation" the chair she'd been sitting on now lies on the floor as she jumps up to confront him "Sacrifice?" He laughs mockingly "Is that really what this is about?! Are you saying that by sacrificing yourself for others, you somehow achieved greatness?!" He shakes his head sadly "No one lives life without making sacrifices sometimes, especially those who wish to succeed in their goals." She looks down then before mumbling out her reply "I've sacrificed as much as you have, I can't imagine being a executive has been without it's struggles" he smiles softly "Yes, it has been hard work, but worth every second of it." He gives her a small nod before turning back to face her "And now here we are. The perfect balance between efficiency and effectiveness. It seems like everything has come together perfectly." He chuckles lightly.

she glances to the side of his desk seeing all the unfinished mission statements that need completed when she suddenly has an idea "Why you don't head home early sir and I'll finish all that work for you" his expression softens "I'm sure it'd be a big help for you" he chuckles softly as he shakes his head "You don't need to do that, it's my work I'll do it". Y/N shakes her head firmly not wanting to budge "well there must be some way I can make up for missing the meeting?" He thinks for a moment "How about you come to my place tonight?" He smirks at the girl in front of him as she turns a dark red thinking of the implications of his words "Sir? Do you need help with the papers? Or..." She trails off not really sure what she's asking him he nods slowly "Yeah, I wouldn't mind having someone around while I work on these papers. Plus, I think you'd enjoy spending time with me right?" He winks playfully at her.

That stops her in her tracks does he know about her little crush why else would he offer for her to come to his come when they could work on his reports here. Finally she gulps down the saliva that pools under her tongue and nods slowly not trusting her words, to be shown such attention from an executive as highly thought of as Chuuya was exciting to say the least. He grins widely "Good girl~" He takes out his phone and types in a few commands before handing it to her to input her number, "Text me whenever you're free so we can hangout"she nods quickly and inputs her number "I thought we were heading back tonight?" She tilts her head confused "Oh we are I just need to finish finalising something real quick then we will go.

Chuuya's fingers clack at the keyboard quickly for a few moments before he speaks again " We should probably go soon since it's getting late already" He stands up and stretches his arms above his head to stretch out his aching back "Let's get going then shall we?" Y/N grabs the few belongings she brought with her today and looks to her mentor "Ready when you are" He nods to her and they leave the building together.

They walk through the dark streets together until they reach Chuuya's apartment building where he unlocks the door and leads her inside, she walks inside of his penthouse tentatively, looking around at his sleek walls and plush looking furniture "You have a lovely apartment sir" she breaths out taking every inch in "Thank you very much for today, coming to see me about the missed meeting" He sits down on one of the couches and pats his lap invitingly "Come sit with me". He looks at her expectantly waiting for her response "You look stunning today by the way. You're wearing something a little more...revealing today...that for me?" He smirks to himself she flushes as she looks down at her blouse it had been unseasonally hot recently and lighter slightly more revealing work outfits had been essential "I-it's been so hot recently I've needed to adapt my clothes I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable sir" she frowns as she joins him on the couch "No worries, I don't mind seeing you wear something like that" His gaze lingers over her body "It suits you well though" He reaches forward and gently touches her arm "You know what else would suit you perfectly? If you took off your jacket" she shrugs the material off quickly almost as if it lingered on her skin any longer it would burn her "Would you be willing to try something new for me" He looks into her eyes expectantly.

She nods almost dazed as she looks down at his hand which is tracing small lines into her skin "What would you like to try sir?" He leans closer and whispers in her ear "How about I tie down your pretty hands to my bed~?" He chuckles softly before pulling away from her and standing up "Let's take this to my bedroom shall we?" He takes her hand and leads her towards his room "Strip for me please baby" She flushes a deep red at his words and follows to his bedroom starting to remove articles of clothes as they move. "Good girl~" He opens the door and steps inside leaving her alone in the room "Come here" He gestures towards the bed where he lays out several ropes and various other items such as handcuffs and blindfolds "Now lie down on the bed and spread those beautiful thighs of yours wide open for me darling~" She gulps down her nerves and nods to him, removing the last of her clothing leaving her bare to her bosses piercing eyes, she lays down on his monochrome silk sheets and spreads her legs for him to invite him into her personal space.

"Mmhmm... You're looking very delicious right now aren't you sweetheart?" He smirks and moves between her legs, running his hands along her inner thigh before reaching up and grabbing hold of her wrists pinning them above her head "There we go~ Now let's see how much pleasure we can draw out of your pretty little body" He murmurs admiring her form, he suddenly looks to her face "You heard of the traffic light system sweetheart?" she smiles lightly at his wanting to make sure she's safe and comfortable during their encounter and nods her head "Yes green means go, yellow means I'm unsure but want to continue and red is stop immediately" "Good girl~ and your safe word?" he asks while trailing his fingers to her inner thighs teasinger her with his gentle touches she thinks for a moment before responding "Peaches" She nods and giggles softly. "Are you ready to start lovely?" He asks as he spreads her legs a little further she nods as the pulls him down to her lips giving him a firm kiss.

Chuuya starts his teasing by turning his head the the side peppering her thighs with small kisses, giving small nibbles and licks every few minutes "I've always thought you were incredibly beautiful you know and so dedicated to the PM... To me" a whine bubbles up to her lips at his teasing as she watches him between her thighs "I've always been so fond of you sir I'd never want to disappoint you" Chuuya chuckles softly and leans forward pressing another soft kiss against her inner thigh "Stop calling me sir my love or I'll have to punish you" He smirks at her before pulling back slightly looking into her eyes again "do you trust me?" he asks "Yes Chuuya I trust you... trust you with my life" She smiles at him he smiles back running his thumb along her cheek making her shiver "Good now tell me what are your thoughts on our relationship? Do you think we could be together? Before we start I'd like to know where we stand" He asks gently stroking her hair as he stares deeply into her eyes hoping that she'll accept his offer "I'm yours Chuuya, I've been yours since I was told I'd be working under you" She smiles at him as she lifts her hand to card her fingers through his hair and down his neck resting at his neck.

His heart skips a beat as he feels her touch "That's what I wanted to hear baby~" he whispers placing one last gentle kiss on her forehead before leaning in closer to whisper in her ear "Close your eyes my love" He smirks as he steps down from the bed to grab the supplies he needs she nods her head as she relaxes into his sheets "I trust you with my body" She softly closes her eyes, he uses some velvet covered cuffs to attach her arms to his headboard before moving down and attaching some cuffs to her ankles which spread her out for his eyes to explore. Next he starts to remove his clothes starting with his dress shirt then moving to his pants then his boxers to expose his already hard length to her watching eyes she lets out a needy whine as she pleads to him "I need you so badly Chuuya~"

He grins teasingly watching her squirm around beneath him "You're such an adorable thing aren't you? You look so cute tied up like this." He says playfully as he leans forward kissing along her collarbone trailing soft kisses down her chest until finally reaching her nipples which he takes between his teeth she gasps as she feels his teeth gently encase her hardened nipples sighing as he licks over the bud sucking softly before moving to the other side and paying just as much attention to her other breast "F-feels so nice Chuu~" He continues licking and nibbling all over her breasts enjoying every second of it before moving lower still stopping to tease her belly button with his tongue before continuing further south towards her core where he pauses briefly to lick and kiss her inner thighs before finally settling between her legs "So warm... So wet and I've barely started" He smirks up at her as she gently tugs at the cuffs wanting to grab his head and push him down to where she needs him most "Stop t-teasing Chuu I need you so badly~" His eyes sparkle mischievously as he sees her struggling against the restraints knowing exactly what she wants "Oh my dear little one if only you'd told me that sooner~" He teases before beginning to explore her folds with gentle caresses and light licks moaning softly at the taste of her juices, she gasps harshly and tips her head back "F-fuck Chuuya your tongue feels so good~" He smiles at the sounds he's pulling from her as he drives his head down to explore her pretty pussy further, he licks a stripe up the full length of her pussy collecting her wetness on his tongue before sliding his tongue around her sensitive clit.

She lets out a drawn out moan as he pleasures her, bucking her hips up to meet his tongue "Why didn't we do this sooner" She huffs out a laugh with her head still tipped backwards as he chuckles softly he moves away from her clit leaving behind trails of saliva which drips onto her soft skin "Well now let's see how well you can take it shall we?" He says teasingly while looking up at her seductively, he wraps his hand around his length giving it a few teasing strokes while she nods quickly as she watches his movements licking her lips at the sight of his pretty cock "Please give it to me Chuuya I need you inside me now" His smile widens into a wide grin as he slides himself between her thighs slowly pushing himself deep inside her tight walls causing her to gasp in pleasure "Oh yes baby, just relax for me okay? You're doing great." He whispers huskily as he begins to move within her slowly building up speed.

She pulls at her restraints again harder this time making her hiss slightly in pain and she bucks her hips up to try and match his steady thrusts "Fuck chuu~ you feel even better than I could have ever imagined, you're making me feel so full" He grins almost wickedly as he continues to pound into her hard and fast, each stroke sending waves of pleasure through both their bodies "You like that don't you? You love having my big fat dick buried deep inside you don't you?" He asks mockingly as he leans forward to kiss her lips passionately, licking his tongue into her mouth, she moans loudly into his mouth as she matches his eagerness in their kiss "Yesss~ I need your fat cock chuuya! Need you to make me cum on your cock~ I-I'm close" She gasps against his lips. He groans softly as he keeps pounding away at her relentlessly his rough thrusts shaking his headboard as it bangs loudly into his walls "Cum for me now babygirl!" He reaches his hand down between their sweaty bodies as he roughly rubs her abused clit feeling her tighten around him as he slams into her one final time burying himself fully inside her as she spasms around him, legs shaking as she cums causing him to groans harshly as he cums hard.

He chuckles darkly as he slides out of her leaving only the head of his member still inside her causing her to whimper slightly "Well done little one...but there's no rest for us yet." He says sternly as he grabs onto her thighs pulling them apart spreading her wide open exposing her pink soaked pussy to his eyes, her body shakes as she's coming down from her high "Fuck Chuuya my pussy can't take much more" She whines out as she watches him grinning at her as he starts slowly pushing inside her stretching her tight muscles around his girth "Mmmh..such a good girl... You're so fucking wet aren't you?" Y/N nods her head sharply "F-fuck yes! I'm your good girl! You've made me so fucking wet baby" She whines as he starts to fuck her harder, pushing her slowly into overstimulation as her tired walls tighten around his fat cock.

His grip on her thighs tighten as he begins thrusting into her faster and harder making sure not to let up even for a second letting out a low moan of pleasure as he feels her tightening around him "Ohhh yeah... That's right... Keep cumming for me darling... Cum for daddy.... Cum for daddy" He reaches one of his hands down to play with her little clit. She throws her head back harshly as she grips the edge of the cuffs, tearing falling down her cheeks as she cums causing her legs to shake against Chuuya, whining and sobbing as her body shakes with painful pleasure.

As soon as she cums he pulls out quickly slamming it deep again causing her to cry out in pain but also pleasure as he slams his thick member into her ah~ such a good girl.... My sweet girl... Ohh god..... Your pussy is so warm and tight...so so soft... And so delicious..." She sobs through moans as her throat becomes croaky from over use, her body heating up from his praise. He smirks at her before grabbing her hips firmly and pulling them towards him burying himself deeper inside her than ever before "Ohhhh yesssss... Take all of daddy's big dick... Take every inch of this monster... Mmmmphh..." His body shakes as his thrusts become shallow as he spurts out a few lines of cum before he pulls out watching the cum trickle out of her abused hole, her body shakes as she watches her partner cum again before she shakes her arms as the cuffs clink against his bed "A little help here?" She giggles at him as he huffs out a chuckle lifting his tired body to unclip her restraints, making sure he kisses all the marks that have been left behind "Sorry love, think I got a bit carried away at the end there" He pushes his sweat caked hair back as he joins her back in bed, pulling her close to his body.

She smiles brightly as she gently wraps her arms around him, leaving light kisses to his chest "That was... Intense" She laughs as she cuddles into his side, he chuckles softly as he nuzzles her neck lightly "Yeah, you were pretty amazing too baby right?" He winks playfully at her he gives her a slight peck on the tip of her nose "We should really clean you up my love" He sighs wistfully, she pouts at her lover but rolls her eyes slightly and nods "One last kiss first?" She smiles as she reaches her arms out to him, he nods happily as he leans down for another passionate kiss, their tongues dancing together until they break apart slowly and he makes his way over to his en suite where he grabs a few washclothes, wiping her down as gently as he can to avoid more abuse to her already fucked out hole.

Once he's done he smiles and throws the cloth away and looks at her with a smirk on his face "That was fun wasn't it?" Chuuya grins widely at her "Wanna go again?" He asks teasingly. Y/N looks up at him in mock alarm "Are you kidding me Chuuya I don't think I'll be able to walk for a week as it is! No way I'll be able to go to work tomorrow!" She laughs as she reaches her hands to wrap around his neck, his grin widens even further as he pulls her closer to him and starts kissing her deeply once more, this time going slower than before so he can savor every moment of their closeness "You're such an adorable little thing aren't you?" He whispers against her lips "Fuck I'm glad you wanted me as much as I wanted you, I'll make something up to to tell Mori tomorrow" He smirks as he looks into her eyes "You'd better it's your fault" She giggles as she playfully hits his chest softly before cuddling back into his side "I love you Chuuya Nakahara~" He chuckles lightly as he wraps his arm around her waist and holds her close to him "I love you too Y/N L/N" He kisses her forehead affectionately before pulling away slightly to look deep into her eyes watching as she yawns Chuuya looks at her and smiles "Stay here tonight baby and we will talk about us more tomorrow hmm?" The woman nods thankfully as she gives him one last kiss before settling into his bed with a smile, he watches her drift off to sleep and leans forward to give her another soft kiss on the cheek before turning off the lights and wrapping his arms around her to join her in sleep. Tomorrow can wait for a while he thinks as he basks in the love they've shared together.

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dollediary · 2 years

Text

He's Yours, But Am I?

pairings❥ jake x fem!reader

point of view❥ 3rd person

warnings❥ mentions of sex, body issues, dieting, signs of pregnancy, abandonment, slight verbal abuse, manipulation, unprotected sex

word count❥ 20.6k

genre❥ angst, smut

synopsis❥ falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry. not using protection to feel closer to each other was fun until you missed your period, so what happens when your pregnancy test results come back positive? to you, it had been a dream come true; you knew you had to break the news to him eventually, and maybe you could finally confess your feelings to him. when you do finally tell him the news he tells you he isn't ready to be a father, requesting you to stop seeing each other. falling in love with your friends with benefits is a difficult burden to carry, but it in no way compares to being in love with your friends with benefits and having his child to carry.

note: i apologize for the absence. i was so emotionally invested in writing this story, so i just kinda lacked the motivation to wrote anything else. can't promise all of your previous requests will be fulfilled, but i'll do my best! please like, reblog, and interact as much as possible! it will help me get motivation to finish more stories and grant more requests. i'm super proud of this work, i think i'll do 3rd person from now on. i hope you all enjoy, let me know how you all like it!

"do you think i'm getting fat?" y/n asks her friend, chaewon, as she pinches her stomach, the almost unnoticeable weight gain making her frown at herself while she stood sideways in the mirror. chaewon frowns as she watched from the bed, she noticed y/n had been losing her glow ever since july ended, but she attributed it to their sophomore year in college that would be starting up again in weeks' time. y/n always lost her glow whenever school started back up.

"a little," chaewon replied honestly. "but that's normal! we've been eating well these days; it could just be a bloat, you know?" y/n thought about it for a second and nodded. that may have been the reason she's also been nauseous lately, too, having eaten more than her body could handle in the name of enjoying her summer break more. chaewon takes note of y/n's thoughtful silence, adding onto her statement, "we can always go to my pilates and yoga classes to change it back to normal if you want..?"

"maybe, i'm gonna wait a few days to see if it'll go down on its own first," y/n sighed, giving her reflection one last glance as she unfolded and pulled her oversized shirt down again, meeting chaewon on the bed with a jump and loud thud as she stared at the ceiling. chaewon only stared forward, continuing to watch tv as they stayed in a comfortable silence.

"you talk to hyunjin lately?" y/n asks chaewon, breaking the silence. chaewon only shrugs her shoulders in response.

"eh. how about you and jake?"

"we've been seeing each other in person more, and he's becoming more of a caller than a texter these days," she explains to which chaewon only responds with a hum of understanding.

"hyunjin and i are the kind who don't need to talk to each other everyday for our bond to be as strong as it is. when we're together, it's like he never left," the smile on chaewon's face awakens something in y/n: lovesickness. she pouts, but it's more of a pout of envy than jealousy, because she could never be jealous of her best friend.

"i wish i could relate," she groaned, turning to lay on her stomach as she receives a facetime call from jake. picking up the phone, she fights back a smile by biting the inside of her cheek. "hey, you!" her excitement comes out awkwardly, like a teenage girl trying to talk to her crush despite her heart and brain not cooperating normally like it had only seconds before.

"hey, y/n," he laughed, still not quite used to her shy demeanor on the phone. "you up to chill?" he asks, making y/n almost scream out a yes to him. but she couldn't, obviously. chaewon was over and she didn't want to kick her friend out just to hang out with a boy, especially knowing chaewon wouldn't do that to her.

"i would but my friend chae is hereㅡ"

"it's fine!" chaewon interrupts the girl, her head appearing behind y/n's in the tiny box as she waved to jake who responded with a nod. "i was just getting ready to head out soon," she walks closer, giving y/n a kiss on the cheek as y/n lowers the camera for privacy. "mwah. bye, i love you. let me know if the bloating goes down so i know whether to register you as my plus one for my next session."

"okay, okay. i love you too," y/n responds, chaewon leaving soon after. y/n finally moves her attention back to jake who was clearly eavesdropping the entire time with a cheeky smile on his face.

"bloating for what? are you on your period?" he asks, making her groan annoyed by his nosiness. "hey c'mon it's a natural thing, you can talk about it with me. plus, you know a period don't stop nothing but a sentence," he winks only making the girl groan more.

"you're gross," she gagged dramatically, making the boy burst out into a fit of laughter. "there's no way i'm having sex with you on my period," she added on, but he only laughed harder.

"why not? c'mon don't knock it till you try it! let's try it out today," he persists making her pout her lips as she thought about it. it could just be another thing she could cross off of her list of irrelevant things she did pertaining to sex.

"maybe, but i won't be getting my period for another week since i didn't come on it this week like the app said i would," she says, shrugging her shoulders. "huh. you didn't peg me to be the kind of guy who's into that stuff."

"oh, i'm not. but i think i'll be into anything that involves you, y/n."

"ugh, don't directly address me when you say things like that, you know how it gets me!"

"maybe i want you to get like that. how sexy is phone sex?"

"doesn't sound any better than real sex."

"maybe to you, i'm getting hard just listening to your voice."

"oh my god. goodnight, jake," y/n's eyes widened as she hung up, a small smile painting her lips.

waking up the next morning, and after immediately looking in the mirror, the bloating did not go down. a disappointed sigh left y/n's lips as she threw one of jake's sweatshirts over her tank top to cover the 'obvious' difference in her appearance as she made her way to campus, already dreading the day.

upon arrival, she met chaewon in their usual spots for their lecture, seeing the girl with coffee for the both of them. offering her friend a thankful smile, she took a sip of the coffee, eager for its bittersweetness to wake her up as it usually did. but her sip was quickly, and secretly spit back into the cup as an indescribable amount of disgust flooded her taste buds.

"jesus, who pissed in this coffee? it's disgusting," the girl asked, making her friend's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. she'd known y/n's order by heart; it's been prepared by the same worker for months. y/n's never been dissatisfied with the taste of the coffee before.

"he's prepared it the same way he does every morning, so i'm confused," chaewon says, watching y/n try to give the coffee another chance by taking a longer sip, immediately gagging as she lets it drip back down into the cup again. now even the smell of it was unbearable. she pushes the coffee away all together.

"well it's shitty today, let's just get some more later," she responded, both girls shrugging it off as they listened to their professor's talking once again. y/n was tempted several times after the fact to drink the coffee, but she was too sickened by its taste and smell. she eventually got up and threw the whole cup away all together, hating the way her body was responding to it.

when lunch rolled around, it was safe to say they both had forgotten about the morning's coffee incident, and y/n was already more than excited to eat the lunch she had yet to order. though the summer sun hadn't gone yet, the heat was certainly making its way out. temperatures outside were fine, so the walk from their hall to the building holding the university's lunchroom went smoothly, however the air conditioning had murderous intent when they entered the building.

"god i hate this building," chaewon groans as she zips her jacket up, which worked to no avail as the fabric was nowhere near thick. y/n nodded in agreement as they both subconsciously agreed they'd eat quickly so they could just leave. getting into different lines, y/n walked over to the soup station, getting her favorite vegetable soup that always made the freezing AC temperatures more bearable. she fixes a smaller bowl than she usually would, already beginning her dieting journey to lose the weight she'd gained.

once she added her side dishes, she met chaewon at the table with the most sunlight shining through the big, wide open windows, eager to get the warmth that this building insisted heavily on denying.

"we should've just ordered takeout instead," y/n grumbled, sipping a spoonful of her soup juice as she closed her eyes, the steam from her soup fanning her face as a "thank you for choosing to eat me today." savoring the soup, as she usually did, she immediately cringed at the horrible taste that flooded her mouth. "my god, why is everything so shitty today? first the coffee, now this?" it was clear that her mood was plummeting from her sudden disdain towards the food she loved most. she pushed her tray away, saddened, making chaewon sigh with pity.

"do you just want some of my lasagna?" she knew y/n wouldn't want it, but she couldn't stand to see her best friend so upset about not being able to eat. it was a dumb question, because it was something y/n hated the most, but y/n nodded, pushing her tray over to the girl. chaewon is confused but gives her a reasonable amount to eat, not too much as it would go to waste if she didn't eat it, but not too little as to have her request for more in the event that it wasn't enough.

reluctantly, she takes her fork and digs into the lasagna, hating everything about it, but the smell seemed a lot more inviting that what it had been only months before, the time frame she first decided she hated the entree. taking a hesitant bite into it, her eyes shot wide open as she began chewing. it was delicious. and she didn't know why. she opted to eat more of it, quickly downing the food as she looked at chaewon, begging for more to which, of course, the girl obliged. she wasn't that hungry anyways.

days had gone by since y/n had found a new love for lasagna, she even branched out the different flavors they offered, becoming obsessed with the spinach-alfredo lasagna. they were two combinations she knew she'd usually hate being put together, but she couldn't stop eating them. and though chaewon never said it aloud, she was confused. so confused. especially confused when y/n had suddenly started gagging, on the verge of vomiting only minutes after she'd eaten so deliciously. but, she rushed to the bathroom with her friend, ready to assist her nonetheless.

it's was a sad thing for her, watching her friend look so sick and helpless over the toilet while her body kept forcing her food up, not even stopping after the fact that her stomach emptied, telling her she still needed to throw more up. when she finished, her whole body was shaking, and she was on the verge of tears from the burning she felt in her throat.

she insisted she was fine, her solution being to eat again to make up for the food lost, but after having several incidents of vomiting to the point of tears, all of them with chaewon being her personal witness, she couldn't quite convince the girl anything anymore, reluctantly having to agree to seeing the doctor and get to the bottom of it. but they weren't ready for any of the questions that the doctor would ask the poor, and naive, y/n.

"have you been sexually active in the last few months, miss l/n? more importantly, without protection?" doctor kim asks, taking both y/n and chaewon by surprise. she looks over to her friend, feeling uncomfortable by the question, but chaewon only gives her a sympathetic smile as she encourages her to answer the doctor.

"yes.. but i don't see why that matters?" y/n replies, essentially dismissing the doctor's question. there was no correlation between the two, she was just feeling a little under the weather. or maybe it was a result of her semi-depression from her weight gain? there were so many possibilities. "we think i may have a stomach bug," she adds on, making the doctor click his teeth in response. he sighs, adjusting his glasses as he looked past her, not wanting to cause conflict, but still needing to do his job.

"well, miss l/n, i'm not suggesting anything big, but since you have had unprotected sex, your symptoms are seeming to lean a lot toward-"

"i'm sorry ,doctor kim, but i don't need suggestions. i'm paying you to use your damn degree and use facts to get to the bottom of this, not suggest my symptoms have anything to do with the sex i have in my life," y/n spits out, grabbing chaewon's hand to lead her out the door.

"you go, i'll be a quick second," chaewon smiles at the agitated girl who only nodded as she stormed her way to the car. letting out the breath she'd been holding, she bowed apologetically to the doctor. "i'm sorry, doc. she's been really moody since she gained weight. she's usually the sweetest girl!"

"i see," he responds. "she may not be willing to right now, but i recommend coming back soon and getting an ultrasound to see if my thoughts may be correct," he says, getting ready to head out the room, since he no longer needed to be there, having other patients to tend to.

he'd already been long gone by then, but chaewon still responded to him. it was more for herself anyways. "i'll think about it."

looking in the mirror every morning became a habit for y/n. she absolutely hated the way she looked. she felt like she was in a body that wasn't her own, her mental health only worsening with each day she decides to stare in the mirror. she was lonely. she'd been skipping classes, telling chaewon she was just too lazy to go to, but doing that meant chaewon wouldn't be there to support her rapidly growing illness. and she couldn't just call jake, either. they argued too much and they both hated it, deciding that no contact was better than enduring the toxicity any longer.

but today, she couldn't endure not speaking to him any longer. she'd grown far more dependent on him, realizing her days of misery could only be made better by him. so, even though she knew that calling him most likely wouldn't end well, she hit the facetime button, watching with anticipation as she waited for him to pick up.

"y/n," his sigh of happiness only brought a smile to her face, and for a second everything felt better, even her stuffed nose seemed to clear for a second. her eyes watered, but she quickly blinked the forming tears away because no y/n you will NOT cry. "i missed you," he says, making her heart flutter as he frowned through the screen.

"i'm sorry," was all she could say, lumps forming in her throat. why did this have to make her so emotional? she'd never cried over something as simple as this before, it wasn't rare for jake to express his feelings for her in this way, but for whatever reason she decided that hearing all of this now meant and felt more than anything. "i missed you, too."

"how have you been?" he asks, making her lips form a thin line. she never did tell him of her illness, being scared that he'd stop coming over in fear of catching her symptoms.

"i've been bored, there's never anything to do these days, and i'm too lazy to go out."

"hm. then how about i come over and give you something to do?" his question was laced with suggestiveness, making her feel an uneasy amount of insecurity. she really wanted to have him come over, more than anything, but it just couldn't happen. not when she felt like this. and not when she looked like this either.

"i don't know, i'm pretty tired right now, too," she laughs nervously, making him sigh.

"please, y/n. it doesn't even have to be sex. i just want to be with you. i miss you," while it didn't seem like much to him to admit it, it meant the world to y/n. she felt like he really wanted her. and in a way, he did, so of course, she let her heart fall right into his arms. even though her doubts and insecurities begged her to say no, she refused to listen this time.

"okay," her heart was beating fast, unsureness running through her veins, but all of it was worth it. any ill feeling would be worth it if it meant she'd get to see his smileㅡ a smile that only existed because of her.

"say less," he giggled, hanging up the phone. she let out the breath she was holding, her senses awakening as she realized all of what she just agreed to. she looked at her outfit, too revealing for the way she was looking right now. "shorts are fine, but i need a bigger shirt," she spoke to no one but herself as she went to her closet to put on an oversized hoodie in hopes he wouldn't be able to see how "ugly" she'd become.

it didn't take long for him to arrive, engulfing her in his arms as soon as she opened the door. it was times like this that made her wonder, why would she even want to fight with him to begin with? she's head over heels in love with him; arguing with him only took away these moments from her. she couldn't stand it.

"pretty girl, you've lost your glow," he says after they pull away from their drawn out hug, grabbing her face, moving it around in his eyesight as he frowned. her eyes were accompanied with dark eye bags, her cheeks were puffy, and her skin seemed to have paled quite a bit since he'd last been over. she could only smile bitterly, that's what no sleep does to you, she thinks.

"it's because you haven't been here to shine on me," she laughed, taking his hand to walk to her bedroom where they both sat on her bed. he laughs along, happy upon the realization that they most likely wouldn't get into an argument since the majority of their arguments happened digitally.

"well we're together now, so that's all that matters," he says, making her smile. she nods, taking a second to look at him while he turns his attention to the tv, already browsing through netflix to put on a show or movie he thought they'd be able to enjoy. she didn't realize how fond she'd grown of him until now, but maybe she just forgets about it until moments like this come up for her to acknowledge them once again.

the universe was unfair to her, in more ways than one, but giving her this special relationship with jake made all of the hardships disappear. she liked jake. and even though she knew he didn't feel the same way, she liked that his actions made her feel like he did. and they shared a lot of intimate moments, so even if she didn't necessarily have the real label she wanted, there was nothing that could stop her from pretending.

maybe that's the thought that kept her going, allowing him to make himself at home in her heart more and more with each passing moment they shared. maybe that's what made her stop looking at other men the way she looked at him. maybe that's what accidentally brought her lips onto his, cupping his cheeks as her eyes closed in relief when he kissed her back. it was always heavenly to kiss jake, but this time it felt better than that. he kept her slow speed, not bothering to pull her on his lap, yet, as he was determined to savor this moment in fear of it never happening again. he moves his hand up to her cheek as she let hers fall down to her side, smiling into the kiss as he stroked her cheek lovingly.

it felt like an eternity, them staying like that. but, jake was never patient when it came to these things. and it wasn't far from how y/n was either, so naturally he attempted to escalate it, his body already anticipating how good they were going to make each other feel. but as soon as he attempted to slide his tongue in, y/n panicked, squeezing her eyes shut as she pulled away, face hot with embarrassment as she saw the confusion the boy had on his face.

"is everything okay?" he asked, putting his hand on her shoulder gently so as to not startle the girl more than he already seemed to. she averted eye contact, but nodded nonetheless. "did i do something wrong? did i make you uncomfortable-?" he asked further, thoughts spinning around his head as to why she'd pull back.

"no i'm sorry," cutting him off, her voice was low as she didn't really want him to hear her confessionㅡ afraid it would spiral into another argument given her contradicting actions. "i just.. dont want to have sex," all the thoughts and reasons he'd listed before flew out the window, his mind going quiet as did he.

"you're seeing someone else. is that it?"

"wha- no, jake! i just-"

"there's nothing else it could be," he says, making her frown. jake had been suspecting this for a while. he'd never had any problems with her whenever they called or facetimed, or even texted before. but for the past few weeks, that's all that's been happening. he'd somehow say the 'wrong' thing and she'd blow off on him, it would spiral into something worse, then they would just stop talking until one of them texts again. the last time he'd gone through that, his fling ended up leaving him and moving onto a serious relationship, something they swore they would never be able to doㅡ well, clearly not with him at least.

"jake, i swear it's not like that!" y/n's heart was beating out of her chest, she could feel his sadness even though everything he said was monotone. he was hurting over something that she wasn't even doing. and the way he already seemed so sure of it? it made her wonder how long he'd been feeling this way.

"then why do you keep leading me on and then backing out when you're the one who initiated it? are you seeing someone else, y/n?" his eyes were starting to gloss over, and she hated it. so, so much. she didn't know what to do. admitting the truth would only make him leave. her silence only further proved the point he convinced himself that he was making. adding fuel to the fire- "do i only tempt you enough to try but not go through with it? am i SO bad at fucking you that you have to go find someone else to do bette-"

"i'm not thin anymore, okay?!" she finally had the courage to cut him off, tears streaming down her face that had become hot from her frustrations caused by his baseless, but very, very hurtful accusations.

"what?"

"i've gotten fat. and-," she sighed, trying to regain her composure. "i want so badly to have sex with you, but i'm scared. i'm scared that i'll take off these baggy clothes and- you'll be disgusted by my body and leave me. i would never be so evil as to go out of my way to cheat and hurt you. this is only happening because i hate myself and my body for what it's becoming. i can't let you see me be like this."

"baby..." his voice is soft, contradicting the anger it projected only moments before. even though that one word was a great comfort to her, it only worsened her rainfall of tears as she allowed herself to break down in his arms. it was something he'd never understand. she was beautiful in his eyes, nothing would change that. "i don't care if you gain weight, or lose weight. hell, you could wake up bald and i would still find you to be the sexiest girl alive. don't you ever think otherwise."

she nodded, pulling away to look him in the eyes, her pout failing to disappear despite the fact that she was starting to feel a little bit better about it. he smiled at her bringing his lips to her forehead for a kiss, then to each individual cheeks, then finally to her lips in a kiss that was sweeter than the one shared beforeㅡ only she would let it escalate this time.

pulling back, she looked him lovingly in the eyes. they were shining the same way hers were as he pulled her back in for a hard, but not too hard, peck on the lips, more following after them as he wanted to bask in all the moment had to offer. her giggle only made him smile as he pecked her lips one last time before he went to shower each cheek with kisses as well. once he felt he'd spread the love there enough, he tilted her head to the side, trailing kisses over her neck, not any lower as his sweatshirt was in the way. moving back up, he kissed her ear before he whispered a low "take this off," while tugging on the sweatshirt that had now become a barrier between the two of them.

obeying his request, she lifted the fabric off, throwing it across the room as her body shivered from the temperature change on her bare arms. he laughed, latching his mouth back onto her neck, this time carefully sucking, leaving his own marks of love behind for her to be able to look back to if she were to question his love for her again. tugging the bottom of her shirt as she assisted him in lifting it off her head, the shirt being carelessly thrown somewhere across the room like the jacket.

he changed his position, kneeling with either knee on her side as he pushed her slightly to lay her down on the bed. he stared down at her body, scanning the beauty she was. it was then that she realized she had nothing to cover her top half, her stomach was on display for him to see and, despite his comforting words, she became embarrassed. not wanting to make it obvious that she was feeling insecure, she pulled him down to connect their lips together. letting their tongues dance with one another, he lets his hands travel down her sides, moving to spread her legs for him to grind his crotch against her, the sensations leaving them both gasping at how much they'd been neglecting their sexual needs with their petty arguments.

"fuck," she moaned into his mouth which only drove him crazy. god, words couldn't explain how much he loved those sounds she made. he pulled away, going to take off his shirt while she nearly drooled at the sight of it. everything about that man was perfect to her.

"fuck, y/n," he breathed out as he kept rolling his hips against hers, biting his lip to hold back the lewd sounds his body begged him to make. "how am i supposed to go slow when you're this sexy without trying?" his words made her tear up as she covered her face which was now hot with her shyness. the sight of it made his hips stutter, of course only she could bring him that close to climax without doing anything but being her.

he moved away from her, the warmth they shared being the first thing they missed as he pulled her shorts down, throwing it across the room as she leaned forward to pull his sweatpants down enough for him to scoot out of on his own. his cock sprung up, hitting his lower abdomen as she stared at it in all its glory: fully erect, reddened tip glistening with precum. just how she liked it. they both giggled at the fact that they both were intentionally not wearing underwear. "wanted to fuck me that bad, huh?" he smirked, leaning down to connect their lips in a kiss which she smiled in. when he pulled away she smirked back at him.

"i could say the same, baby."

he sucked in a breath, halfway opening his eyes as he began lightly stroking himself, making sure to make eye contact with her. "ah- y/n, you don't know what you do to me," he whimpered as she could only watch him with doe eyes. before he could get too comfortable stroking himself, and before she could get too comfortable watching the show, he rubbed his tip through her folds, then circled her clit (just to make her feel good) before he slowly inserted himself in.

she winced at the stretch, it really had been a while since they last had sex. he bit his lip as he pushed all the way in, unmoving. he moved his hand down, using his thumb to rub on her clit which resulted in her clenching around him. he slightly threw his head back, sighing in content at the feeling. "that's right. keep doing that," he says as he pulls out nearly all the way, only to slam himself back in completely before he decided on a pace. everything about their togetherness was just right. they knew exactly how to make each other feel good. that's what lovemaking to them was. they didn't need to be slow paced or have foreplay or perform oral before they fucked; the love showed in the way they could absorb every essence of each other's being. the way their energies combined and turned them into one.

his pace wasn't too slow, nor was it too fast. it was just enough for her to feel all of him, and it was enough to hit all the right spots, wherever she needed him most. the room was silent except for the small sounds of pleasure they both made, accompanied with the sex sounds their bodies created. he leaned forward, connecting their lips in a sweet kiss, cause everyone knows he couldn't get enough of kissing her. she returned the kiss, tears prickling in her eyes from how good everything was feeling. she loved this. she loved him. "i'm close, baby," he pulled back to announce, speeding his strokes up ever so slightly as he chased his high.

"me too," she announced, this time clenching around him more while her heartbeat only raced, each thrust bringing her closer. he rubbed circles around her clit faster as her moans started becoming more vocal, the pitch raising with each thrust until one thrust finally hit the spot. "ah, jake dont stop," she begged as he sped up to chase his own high. "dont pull out, it's okay! fuck i wanna feel it." he couldn't hold back any longer upon her words, thrusting one last time before he came to a complete stop, filling her with his seed.

"fuck," he breathed out, slowly lowering himself to be on top of her. he scooted so that she could be able to lay her head on his. it wasn't often that jake would stay cuddled up to her after they finished having sex, but he felt like he owed it to her for how shitty he had made her feel without knowing the full story. it wasn't often that he whispered sweet little nothings into her ear while stroking her hair, but tonight (despite their strict forbidden rule of affection) it felt needed. and he was willing to give her anything he felt like she needed. every action and choice he decided to make only further showed that he loved her, in a way.

even though he was sure he wasn't capable of feeling it anymore, this special relationship jake shared with her made all of his doubts about love disappear. he liked y/n. and even though it was something he'd never be able to express or accept it, he'd let his emotions be shown in the moment as they were. and, like most of everything that they did that didn't make sense, it always seemed to work out.

the sun shining through the blinds, accompanied with the unforgiving air conditioning that froze her skin, y/n yawned as she got up, rubbing her eyes. pulling the blanket up to cover her body, she looked next to her for jake, but he wasn't there. she knew that regardless of how affectionate he was last night that there'd be a chance he would still leave during the night, but it hurts to know that no matter what he'd say or do, he'd still be gone in the morning.

her tears start their early morning shift, brimming in her eyes as she pouted at the whole idea of him leaving her altogether. the tears turning into a rainfall of agony as she sobbed to her heart's content, only to be interrupted by her overwhelming need to puke. running to the bathroom she can't make it to the toilet, having to quickly choose between the floor or the sink, her brain choosing the latter of the two.

holding the edge of the sink, her head was bent over so as to not make too much of a mess. she let her first round of puke come up, feeling disgusted with herself for not being quicker. one she was finished she barely had time to recover as she took the chance to run to the toilet, finally being able to vomit there as she originally intended. it hurt and tasted like hell after she was finished, but that of course wouldn't be the end of her misfortune. upon hearing her alarm go off, she realized that she only had 15 minutes to get ready.

snoozing the alarm she immediately dialed chaewon's phone, screaming incoherent words as a weak attempt to ask for help. chaewon's eyes widened as her car's speaker blasted y/n's crying into her ears. "woah, woah, woah!" chaewon said, cutting the girl's screaming off. "talk in a way where i can understand you."

"i keep- i can't stop throwing up, i'm scared i wont be able to make it to school!" she cries out. "please chaewon, i know i ask for a lot but i need you right now," she begs the girl who was only two or three turns away from the university building. as the red light finally turned green, she sighed, making a turn that led her back on the path from where she'd originally traveled to come to school.

"i'm on my way," she lets y/n know, making her way to the nearest drugstore to make a quick purchase. y/n sighs of relief, her tear stained cheeks lifting slightly as she smiled at her friend's support through her hardships.

"thank you, chae," she says, holding onto her now empty and hurting stomach. "i'll make it up to you."

"you don't have to make anything up to me y/n. you need my help, so i'm giving it to you. just please take care of yourself until i get there, i have to make a quick stop, okay?" she says as she gets out of the car, her phone call disconnects from the car and back to her phone.

"okay," y/n sniffles as she begins coughing up a storm, gagging as she tried her best to hold down another load of vomit.

"okay, i'll hang up first. bye."

not waiting for a response, she ends the call and walks into the store. after a quick search, she immediately went over to the corner where the items lay bare for everyone to see. she picked up one of the pregnancy tests, ignoring the looks she felt on her. it was nobody's business anyways. when she went over to the register, older customers gave her judging looks, which she only smiled in return at. as soon as she got to the front, she smacked the box down, not bothering to get any other items as it would just add onto her time in the building.

"what are you hoping for?" the young cashier attempts to ask her kindly, but you can tell she was judging her too. if it had actually been chaewon in this situation where she'd need the pregnancy test for herself, she would have been passive back, but it's not her. so she didn't need to be letting it get in her head regardless of how stressful it was to be here.

"a girl," she puts on a fake smile and enthusiastic voice, praying the kid would hurry up and scan the item. once she was done doing that, she put the item in a plastic bag, quickly handing it to her.

"wishing you the best of luck as a mother!" she says to which chaewon could only nod at as she rushed out of the building and back into her car. now, chaewon wasn't the kind of citizen to speed. she knew it wasn't safe for anyone and honestly she hated it because it never felt nice to her body, especially when she was the one behind the wheels. but after the call with y/n, she had to because she knew how much y/n needed her there.

when she had let herself in using the key that y/n gifted her months ago, she ran quickly to see the girl's head hanging carelessly in the toilet as she barely moved. "y/n?" she asks, going over to her. y/n only hummed in response to assure the girl that she was still conscious. she wanted to talk, but everytime she tried to muster up words, that awfully familiar gagging overpowered her. and she didn't want to go through throwing up again, so she gave up, resorting to laying in her misery as there was nothing more she could do.

"gross, y/n," chewon says as she moves over to the sink where it was filled with her vomit, the scent making chaewon gag a little. she turns the sink water on, going under the sink to get some bleach out in hopes of it helping with washing it down. "you couldn't make it to the toilet in enough time?"

"no," y/n cries out, voice hoarse from all of it already as she gags more, another load of vomit forcing its way up as the scent of her throw up and bleach met her nose. chaewon yelps as she helps the girl throw up smoothly, holding her hair back until her body finally realizes she couldn't throw up anymore, though it was already too late by now.

the cleanup process went a lot smoother than they both expected. chaewon ordered y/n to get a sip of water to soothe her throat while she busied herself with cleaning the sink and the toilet since y/n was already so careful not to make a mess anywhere else. when both of them were finished, they laid on y/n's bed with chaewon stroking y/n's hair, the pregnancy test being the only thing on her mind. she was torn. she didn't know if she should bring it up to her, but it was the only thing on her mind since they first went to her doctor's appointment. she also was scared it would upset y/n. her emotions were unstable as of lately, and she didn't want to be on the receiving end of it, at least not now.

"y/n?" she finally speaks up after a few more minutes of internal conflict about it. y/n hummed in response. "you and jake don't use protection, right?" she asks, making y/n groan annoyed. "don't catch an attitude with me, just answer the question."

"we don't use protection, chaewon."

"okay then does he like, you know, pull out?" she asks further, making y/n stiffen up in embarrassment.

"yes."

"are you sure?"

"yes chae! god damn it," y/n says as she finally catches onto what chaewon was suggesting, blowing off the steam that was building up. it makes chaewon a bit more hesitant, but she has to do this for her; she didn't want y/n to keep living in denial if she didn't have to.

"y/n, i need you to think really hard about this. i get that you're frustrated, but i'm only asking because i want to help you... please. there has to be a time when you weren't sure if he did or not. or maybe he was a little too late to?" she is careful with her words, but they still manage to break y/n's walls down as she bursts into tears upon remembering the one important night she had so carelessly forgotten.

"there was- uh one night," she says. "i don't remember if he'd pulled out soon enough because we were both too tired to be safe about it."

"do you remember when?"

"i think it was sometime last month, but i don't really remember. all I know is that i texted you to hang out the day after because the sleep i got was so good. god chae, i don't even want to think that this could be a possibility," y/n was exasperated. she didn't want to be pregnant. anything but that. but chaewon just kept pushing the idea in her head, making her terrified that it'd be an actual possibility.

"i know, love, but i'm asking this for your own good. now, i have something for you, but you can't freak out okay?" she says as she lifts the girl's head off of her stomach, leaning into her bag to pull out the box she'd purchased.

"okay," y/n says as she looks over to chaewon's busy hands as she puts the box behind her back. "can i see?"

"okay, breathing under control?" chaewon asks. y/n nods. "and don't. freak. out. it's going to be okay," she adds on. y/n nods again as she breathes steadily, her eyes closing as she gathers her senses together without anticipating what chaewon could give her. "keep your eyes closed and just grab the box i'm about to put in your hands.

following her instructions, she gripped onto the box as soon as she felt it in her hands. opening her eyes, she couldn't help but tear up at the sight of it. she knew that her friend would give it to her eventually, but now? she wasn't ready. her grip on the box tightened as she shook her head.

"it's okay, y/n. calm down. breathe, then get up and go take the test," chaewon said, lifting the girl up as another form of encouragement. "no matter what the test says, i'm here with my undying support for you. fighting girl!"

"fighting," y/n sniffles as she goes into the bathroom, leaving an emotional chaewon behind. she sighs, laying down again to stare at the ceiling, her own tears starting to form. it hurt. all of it. from having y/n taking her frustrations out on the girl, down to each tear that spilled from y/n's eyes as she realized her life could truly be changing. she hated seeing her best friend cry, especially knowing that she didn't deserve any of that heartache. it felt selfish to sit and cry about it as if she were the one in y/n's place, but she couldn't help it.

taking a shaky breath, she exhaled in an attempt to calm herself down. she needed to be rational. if this is hard for me, then it must be hell for y/n. she quickly wipes her tears as y/n screams and falls to the bathroom floor, only a few minutes after waiting for the results. chaewon ran into the bathroom, shocked by the solemn scene in front of her. y/n, with shaky hands, held up the test to the girl's face. it was an unmistakable "YES+" on the stick. with widened eyes, chaewon pulled the sobbing girl into a hug. y/n was actually pregnant. and with jake's child at that.

"i don't want it!" she cries out as chaewon nods, quickly removing one arm from her as she began looking up clinics for an abortion.

"okay, i found some clinics," the girl says. "we can set up an appointment when you're all calmed down, okay?"

"okay."

"now let's get you to bed; you look terrible," she helped y/n clean herself up, brushing her tasseled hair into a low ponytail, washing and moisturizing her dry face, putting her pregnancy test into a bag just in case. by the time they were finished, the atmosphere had calmed down and everything seemed okay now that y/n came to terms with her conditions. she was just glad that this would all be over soon.

when the two girls finally got settled down, they decided tonight it'd be best if y/n wasn't left alone. cuddling while watching bojack horseman, talking didn't seem all that important now that y/n had a warm embrace that wouldn't leave her in the middle of the night. she nuzzles her head into chaewon's neck with a yawn. "thank you for taking care of me, chae. i love you." it catches chaewon by surprise, but she just silently smiles, deciding not to say anything since y/n was audibly snoring by now. looking down at her best friend's sleeping figure, she pauses the show and prays to god that y/n, and everything, will be okay.

august 31st. today was the day y/n's life would change forever. she wondered why nobody told her that the drive to the clinic would be so gut wrenching. when she arrives, she signs in for her appointment and sits down to wait. she got a good look around the building. there were many people here, some accompanied by lovers, others with parents, while there was the noticeable few who were alone like she was. the air wasn't as thick as she'd anticipated, but she learned from chaewon that not everyone who went to these buildings were there for abortions. a big part of her was jealous of that because oh how nice would it have been to have been able to find comfort in such a heavy decision. but the other part was thankful; she wouldn't wish this dreadful feeling on her worst enemy, and yet here she was, feeling it to its fullest extent.

chaewon sadly couldn't make it. well, y/n wouldn't allow her to, begging her not to miss any more days. it was a difficult thing to convince her, since she knew chaewon could switch to online school like she temporarily opted to do for a more flexible schedule during her pregnancy until she could put an end to it and go back to her regular classes. she'd already caused chaewon to miss so much, she'd feel guilty if she'd done it again, even if right now all she could do was wish she let herself be selfish one last time because all she wanted was to be comforted by the only person who could possibly understand her problems without judgment. she sighed, sinking down into her seat as she watched the muted television on the screen, praying her turn would come soon so she could get out of this place.

"y/n l/n?" a sweet nurse's voice called out as she looked around the waiting area. y/n's eyes widened as they were met with the nurse's who beckoned her over. her heart was beating fast as she walked behind the lady who was escorting to one of the clinic rooms where she would soon be met with the doctor who would be performing the abortion. being left alone in the room was either one of the best case scenarios right now, or possibly the worst. she could be alone for a second to calm down, or she could potentially break down before the doctor could even speak a word to her. deciding she's already cried enough tears this month, she opted to taking a deep breath to remind herself that this was her decision to make, and this was what she wanted.

"good evening, miss l/n, i'm doctor kim," a voice spoke as it entered the door. y/n turned her head slightly to the woman. she was around her mid-forties, but something about her reminded her of her mother, her aura was comforting in that sense. "i assume you're here to get an abortion performed?"

"yes, doctor," y/n responds, lowering her head since she'd suddenly become afraid to make eye contact with the woman upon the mention of the specific procedure that was soon to be performed.

"oh, miss l/n," the doctor pouted, making y/n look up at her. "before we start, i'm legally obligated to tell you the process before we perform it," the doctor explained as she placed her gloves on with a slight smacking sound. y/n nodded, then the process explanation began. as the words spilled out of doctor kim's mouth, y/n couldn't help but feel sick to her stomach. her brain started zoning out everything the doctor was saying, the only phrase she could hear in her head was her brain telling her to get out. all she could think to herself was i don't wanna do this anymore. what felt like hours, but was only around ten minutes later, the doctor finally brought her attention back with a clap.

"so?" she asks. "are you ready?" offering a comforting smile that made y/n feel anything but. she could hear her heart beating inside her chest, her breathing suddenly drowning out all the noise around her. suddenly everything felt all too much yet nothing at all. she stayed still, trying her best to process her emotions, to state her peace, or to just right out leave.

"i need to use the restroom," she squeaked out, tears brimming in her eyes as she avoided any form of eye contact with the older lady in front of her. doctor kim senses the mood shift and sighs. this was an often occurrence, so she could only understand where the girl was coming from.

"look, kid. abortion isn't for everyone," she says placing her hand on her shoulder. "you're young so you think it's the only option for you, but it isn't. there are lots of good young mothers. you can do this. i don't want you to make a decision you'll end up regretting for the rest of your life. i can see you care about your baby. give them a chance at life, give yourself this chance in life."

y/n frowns, her lips quivering as the building tears spill from her eyes. "i'm sorry," she says, burying her head inside her hands. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes, unsure what she's really sorry for, she just felt like this was all she could say.

"don't be sorry, miss l/n," doctor kim responds, helping the girl to get off her feet, taking her over to the sink to help her get herself together again. "you know, you can always come back again. we give free ultrasounds, i'm sure you'd love to see your little angel growing."

”i'll try my best," she responds as soon as the tears subside. they bid their farewells and just like that, y/n was on her way back home. and, though she felt a huge burden had been lifted off of her shoulder, she was devastated. she had to tell jake.. and that was the biggest burden of it all. exhaustion was the first thing to hit her once she arrived back inside, she was so exhausted that she almost didn't take her shoes off at the doorㅡ almost. she goes to lay down, flopping on her bed to stare at the ceiling. it was weird. this has been the first time she didn't feel the need or want to cry. instead, her brain was doing its best to think logically despite not knowing exactly what to do.

she knows one thing for sure, though: she has to call jake immediately to have him come over to break the news to him, but the problem was that she was scared. she knew without a doubt that jake adored her, but he didn't love her. they were fuck buddies, not lovers, so in terms of what she could expect from him, there was nothing. she was at a complete blank, her only way of finding out would be to put herself in the position to do so. and though she hated the idea of having to do it, it wasn't just some decision she could just back out of. so, she picks up her phone, her hand shaking as she clicks the button to dial his number. the phone rang a few times before his sweet voice sung into her ear. "hello?" he asks, making her fears start to pile up. what exactly was she supposed to say to him?

"can you come over?" she asks, her voice tinier than the sureness she was feeling. "please, like hurry up. i'm sorry for everything, i can't be on the phone too long, just hurry up." upon hearing that, jake's heart broke into pieces. he could barely process what was happening, all he knew was that he was rushing out the door and into his car as he sped to her house. after she ended the call, she released the breath she was holding, getting up to look at herself in the full body mirror. she lifted her tank top up, rubbing her 2 months pregnant belly as a river of relief washed over her. there was something so comforting about the "weight gain" now. and she decided that, no matter what, she was going to keep it. in the midst of admiring her changing body, she jumps upon hearing jake's banging on the door.

he was anxious, thinking the worst upon her sudden call that lacked context, but he didn't want to assume the worst as he was still feeling guilty about what happened last time he'd said his unspoken insecurities aloud. with her heart beating fast, she opens the door and silently lets him in. stay calm, y/n. she keeps reminding herself in her mind as she knew that was the best way to get through this challenge. she ushers for him to sit on the bed, quietly taking a seat next to him but with great distance as she was still fearful. he notices this, so when they finally make eye contact she could see the insecurities blooming through. and it broke her. "i'm so sorry," she bawls out, throwing herself onto him. her tears dont catch him by much surprise, but it doesn't stop him from feeling the emotional toll from them. he is sad, but he accepts the pitiful embrace. she's really done it, he cries to himself, the tears landing on top of her head.

he doesn't even want to ask who, why, or even why he couldn't just be enough for her. he just wants to lie and pretend it's all okay so that she'll stay with him, even if he'll regret it. "i'm so sorry," she apologizes for the hundredth time, to which he once again responds with his verbal forgiveness. she hated it. she hated being a coward in that sense. she hated not being able to tell him of her pregnancy, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. "please don't leave me tonight," she begs as she was scared to wake up without him again because there was no certainty that he'd ever come back. he gulps in an attempt to swallow the lump forming in his throat. it doesn't work. "okay," he responds, not sure of what else he could possibly say to her. how can you comfort someone when you're in need of comfort, too? "i mean it, jake, i can't stand waking up without you, at least not now," y/n admits and it hurts jake. "promise me you'll be here when i wake."

"i promise," he says, determined to fulfill whatever need she asked from him in hopes of her continued loyalty to him. "i'll stay forever if i need toㅡ if you need me to," he says as if his honesty wasn't convincing enough. she knows he doesn't mean it in the way she needs him to, but she still lets his words comfort those unheard doubts that are plaguing her mind. she eventually pulls away, looking him in the eyes as she offers a bitter smile. she brings her thumbs up to wipe his tears away. "there's nobody else, jake," she says, seemingly being able to reassure him without him having to say a word. he sighs, and smiles back at her, choosing not to question the real issue she wanted to bring up to him. if it hurt her that much, he would wait longer to find out. but, to him, nothing could be worse to him than her finding a new man. so he'd be ready to accept and forgive anything else that she felt would burden him.

"let's just sleep," he says, laying down. she nods, moving so that he could lay on her chest. her heart was racing; she could never get used to the feeling he gave her. he smiled at the rate it was going. all of that was for him. oh, if only he knew that all those unspoken feelings were mutual. maybe then things would be easier for the two of them. but, as of right now, they would both continue to suffer in this lovesick state.

it was easy to fall asleep with him like that, and it was even easier to wake up with him in her arms. the sun was shining on them, the AC's temperature was just right for the two of them who had forgotten to get under the blanket, and the air was calm. it was a state of being that she didn't want to leave, but she had no knowledge of his work schedule, so she needed him to be up. she kisses the top of his head shyly. he scrunches his nose while she continues doing it until he moves enough for her to understand that he, too, was awake. "good morning," his voice was groggy as he was still not fully awake. she doesn't respond, letting him get up to freshen up. he walks into the bathroom, sitting on the toilet to go about his business. once he finishes, he flushes and goes to look at himself in the mirror.

his hair was disheveled and his eyes were puffy, but he felt like a million bucks as he smiled at his reflection. "nobody else, huh?" he giggles, smile widening as he applied the soap on his hands to wash them. once he finished washing them, he began drying them off on the towel as he started wondering what she had to tell him last night.

when he goes back out, he finds y/n in the kitchen grabbing some frozen breakfast burritos out of the freezer, the meal that had become one of her recent food obsessions. "baby?" he calls to get her attention, failing to see the smile she cracked as her back was turned to her. she only hums in response as she continues to plate two burritos for herself. "i'm not gonna push you to tell me anything, but i just want you to know that whatever it is that's burdening you, it's something we can get through together. there's nothing that can possibly drive me away from you. i'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to tell me."

her moves falter a bit, but she regains her composure and continues preparing her breakfast. once the microwave beeped, she met him at the table, opting to eat as a way to get her thoughts together, his words ringing through her head as she did so. when she was finished chewing her first few bites, she cleared her throat. "i'm pregnant," her voice held no emotion, so little that you wouldn't be able to tell her nervousness had it not been for her hands shaking as she held the fork midair.

"i-" he paused, not knowing exactly what to say. he was in shock. and, from the looks on her face, he knew that it couldn't be a pregnancy scare because it looked like this has been weighing her down for a while. he knew his reaction to this information would be contrary to his previous words, but he didn't expect it to be this serious. "are you sure it's mine?" he asks, breaking her heart. a huge part of him could believe she was pregnant; everything was starting to make sense from her weight gain to her overly emotional state, all the way down to her eating habitsㅡ he knew she absolutely hated burritos.

"there's nobody else, jake," her voice cracked as she offered him a small smile, the corners of her lips barely lifting as she did so. oh how comforting those words were to hear last night, but now they struck him in the worst ways possible. she looked at him, his expression unreadable as he stared directly through her each time she'd lift her eyes to check his gaze. the cat was already out of the bag, so what's the harm in emptying the mess it left behind? "and i... i want to keep it." he didn't know what to say. he didn't know what to do. and he didn't want to hurt her, but what about himself? he isn't a bad guy. it takes two to get knocked up but-

"i'm not ready to be a father," his words came out quietly, scared that hearing it himself would make the guilt he felt feel worse. and it did. the look on her face when she finally looked him in the eyes, if her glow was already dull, he'd taken it away. the words already did their damage, now he has to stay true to them. he got up from the table, hands shaky as he pushed the chair in without a word and he offers her an apologetic bow as if that could take everything back. "i'm sorry y/n." he didn't know what he expected. who would forgive a deadbeat anyways. she didn't say a word, opting to keep her head down in shame. she stayed that way, not even bothering to move even after she heard the door close behind him, announcing his genuine departure from the home.

y/n wasn't nearly as sad as she thought she'd be. chaewon was right, it would hurtㅡ and for a long time it did. "but once you feel okay, even for a second, everything will be okay," she told y/n. and that's what it was, after 2 months of tears, her brain shifted its focus from the pain of his absence to the changes her body was making. she noticed the small bump in which the baby was forming became more noticeable in her shirts. deciding to embrace this, she stopped wearing baggy clothes. and chaewon never failed to remind her how beautiful she looked whenever they'd go out. she noticed she started to gain weight, but it didn't make her upset.

instead of looking in the mirror with disgust, like she had done before she found out about her pregnancy, she spent her lonely nights smiling in the mirror as she rubbed her tummy. her earlier pregnancy symptoms started to lessen, and her eagerness to visit the doctors increased as she was always excited to look at her ultrasound. she no longer dealt with nausea, being able to feed both herself and the baby without fear of regurgitation, but she soon found that her stamina had also begun to change. she spent most of her off days homebound, as moving around too much could easily take her breath away.

"alright, ms.l/n," the doctor says, spreading the ultrasound gel onto y/n's tummy, the coolness giving her chills as its temperature mixed with the cold air that the air conditioner blew. "let's see how this little rascal is coming along, shall we?" doctor kim asks, moving the transducer around as real time images of the fetus started coming onto the screen. y/n tilts her head backwards to look at the screen, smiling at it.

"aww, it's got its thumb in its mouth," she cooed, putting on a happy pout to chaewon who was indulging in the screen as well. taking her eyes off of it, she signaled the doctor's attention while y/n stayed in a daze, watching her baby as it minded its business in her tummy. "are we going to be able to tell it's gender soon?" chaewon asks, making the doctor nod in response. "how long will that be?" she adds on, making the doctor think about how far along y/n was by now.

"we should be able to tell in the next week or so, from what i'm seeing, if its a male, its genitals haven't developed yet, so we'll have to wait to see if any more developments, in that sense, occur," doctor kim says, moving the transducer more around the head area. "we'll have to develop the photos before you leave, miss l/n."

"oh, please, doctor!" y/n exclaims excitedly as she continued to watch the screen. "oh my room is gonna be filled with framed pictures of these!" she claps, making the other two girls in the room smile at her joy. it was a huge change in attitude from what they'd seen just five months before. clapping her hands together, doctor kim begins to clean up the gel and transducer, putting the items away as she begins the printing process for the ultrasound pictures.

once chaewon and y/n left, they decided to go to the store to get more groceries. "i want fruit roll ups," y/n said as she looked at the aisle signs, searching for the one that displayed where the snacks were. once she spotted it, she dragged chaewon, who was holding the cart, directly to the aisle. chaewon could only giggle at her friend with the roll of her eyes. "we gotta get some healthy snacks too, love. how about some nature valley bars?"

"i don't know..." y/n responded. "i just want something sweet and chewy right now, but i could go for some dorito chips right now if you want me to eat something crunchy," she says, mouth watering at the idea of it. "nope. nope, nope, nope, nope," chaewon says, grabbing y/n's hand while she used the other one to steer out of the unhealthy aisle that they'd already stepped foot in. "we're not feeding your baby that junk, let's just stick to fruits, okay?"

y/n grumbles a complaint under her breath, but she complies as they go to the produce aisle. "let's get chocolate syrup, too. for the strawberries," she begged, which chaewon mindlessly nodded to at this point, being too busy putting boxes of berries into the cart. "then go get 'em," she says, shooing the unoccupied girl. y/n nodded as she walked over to the isle where it'd be held. she hummed a nameless tune as she looked around for the brand she wanted. picking up two different bottles, she pouted in thought, turning her head back and forth from them.

hearing a groan out of nowhere, with a familiar base in the voice, she scrunches her eyebrows and turns to where it came from. her heartbeat picked up as a distracted and frustrated jake came into her view, only around 5 feet away from her. just then, she felt a sting in her stomach. "fuck," she cursed to herself. the baby was kicking. she, with shaky hands, quickly threw one of the chocolate bottles back onto the shelf as she waddled away as quickly as possible. it had been so long since she felt the rush jake gave her. she was no longer mad at him because of what he did to her, but she was still pissed off at what he didn't and wouldn't do for their baby. "were you kicking me because you couldn't kick daddy?" she cooed rubbing her stomach as she saw chaewon rolling over to her.

"what about the baby's daddy?" chaewon asked as they began walking side by side. y/n snarled. he really doesn't deserve to be called that. she thought. but she quickly returned to her normal friendly gaze as soon as she met chaewon's eyes. "we, well i saw jaeyun in the syrup aisle, and the baby started kicking me. i think he did it because he couldn't kick him."

"he?"

"huh? oh yeah. i've got a feeling he's a boy, my girl wouldn't use me as her punching bag," she joked as she rubbed where the baby was adamant on kicking about. chaewon smiled at the sight, moving the girl's hand to replace it with her own. it almost brought her to tears as they got into the shortest line. after they'd finished paying and packing the groceries up, they were on their way back to y/n's home.

chaewon shared side glances at the girl while she sang along happily to the tunes that were blasting on the radio. she was starting to realize just how real this was and how far y/n had gotten over the course of this half year. "you're gonna be an amazing mother, you know that?" she says catching y/n by surprise as she stops mid lyric. the radio's volume didn't change, but the world went silent and everything seemed to come to a complete pause as y/n's lips trembled into a small smile, eyes watering as she did so.

in the past six months of her developing pregnancy, she was never told this. of course chaewon has always praised her for her strength, and her parents had offered support though they were disappointed, nobody has ever told her that she'd be a good mother. and, though it's something most mothers would look over, it meant the world to her because she felt like she would be anything but. she didn't realize how long she'd been crying until she no longer felt the car moving as chaewon pat her on the back in a comforting manner. "shh, it's okay. it's okay.. i promise you will be," she says, making the girl's tears pour faster.

"thank you so much," she cried out, allowing her body to milk the tears as she regulated her breathing. "i don't know why that made me cry so much, i think it's been something i've been needing to hear for a long time, you know?" she admitted, sniffling a bit. chaewon nodded, but didn't speak. she realized y/n probably wanted to say more. and she was right. "it's just.. without jake, i didn't think i could do it. i was so ashamed that he didn't want us, i thought that i would end up not wanting the baby, too. but i kept it because i knew that it deserved a chance. and i've been doubtful about my abilities as a mother, thinking i'm not good enough. but hearing that made all of this worth it, i have to be a good mother to it."

"i know, baby," chaewon said, kissing the top of her head. "now let's get you home, okay?" y/n nodded as chaewon restarted the car and finished their journey back to y/n's place. after unpacking the groceries, they spent the rest of that night cuddling while watching a movie on netflix.

walking into the store alone, y/n talked to chaewon, who was resting, through one bluetooth headphone in her ear. "do you really think it was a good idea to leave the gender a surprise?" she asks as she pushes the cart aimlessly around the maternity area in target. "mhm.. yeah. no yeah, you're right. well, anyways i'm just at target right now, about to buy some new jeans cause these mom ones are getting too tight... i know! it's ironic. well, i'm not gonna hold you up, you should finish working. okay, bye bye. love you, too." once the call ends, she goes to pick up some jeans. as soon as she finished picking out a pair or two, she rolled her way into the snacking aisle. a part of her was relieved that her stomach wasn't too big for her to be able to push the cart, she enjoyed being alone lately, even though she knew it wouldn't last very long as she only had 14 more weeks to go, and things would only get more difficult then.

picking up two boxes of granola bars, she hummed quietly as her head turned back and forth between the two items. she wondered which one to buy, they were both a personal favorite to her, but she wasn't looking to spend hundreds again, she still hadn't bought a bulk of the baby clothes yet since she didn't exactly know what to buy other than an excessive amount of zoo themed oneㅡ because there's nothing more gender neutral for babies than animal themed clothing. it had only been a mere seconds that she'd been so lost in her decision that she didn't even notice that particular set of eyes that were set on her, guilt building up and rushing through his veins as he stood there frozen in his spot.

jake was carrying a handheld basket. he figured he'd only needed to come to pick up some protein bars and energy drinks, he didn't need a cart. well, now he was regretting it as his grip faltered on the basket making it fall down onto the floor, items flying anywhere they pleased. luckily the boxes only slid a few feet in front of him. however, the protein shake rolled into forbidden territory, that forbidden territory being the area where she stood. his eyes widened and his head lowered as she turned her attention to the protein shake, then to him. he did his best to stall picking up the boxes as he did what he could to avoid looking at her. his hands shook as her shoes appeared in his vision.

"you dropped this, sir," she says. she had a smile on her face, the most beautiful one that he would have been crushed to see drop as soon as they made eye contact, but it did. "oh," was all she could say as he got up, gripping his basket harder as they made eye contact for the first time in a little over half a year. "oh," he responds, his eyes flickering to her stomach. a sudden punch of grief and regret hit him directly in his heart as it seemed to clench with pain. he averted his eyes and looked back into hers, but, again, he wished he hadn't. the tears were already brimming. "oh, oh. no, please don't cry. i'm sorry. please don't cry, please."

"i'm sorry. i'm just so happy to see you," her frown worsened as she squeezes her eyes shut, sobs escaping through her closed mouth while her body only shook as her arms stayed glued to her side. "shit, y/n. don't say that, please," he didn't know what to do. his eyes watered as he hesitated before pulling her in his embrace, the basket long forgotten as it fell back to the floor with a thud. he thought a hug would help, but it just hurt the both of them more. he was warm, exactly like she remembered. she wanted to be closer, to feel more of him but her stomach only allowed him to hold her so much. he felt her belly pressed against his, and it was foreign because it's nothing like the last time he held her and it was just a painful reminder of why he felt so shitty to begin with. "i'm sorry," he says, pulling back all too soon for the both of their liking. "we should leave, i don't want you crying in a target."

he grabs her hand, gently dragging her along as they walked out of the building. "i don't have a car, i ubered here," she says as she tries to keep up with his quickened steps. he nods in acknowledgement, not turning his head to her as he was too scared to look at her again. "i know, baby. we're gonna go in mine." now she was kinda glad he didn't look back at her, because her face had contorted into both a smile and a frown. she was still his baby after all this time, even if he didn't deserve it. once they reached the said vehicle, he opened the door for her, helping her get in as she couldn't climb in as swiftly as she used to due to the big changes in her body. it was kinda cute, the way she needed his help. it made him reminisce the moments that could've been. the times they could've had together if he didn't panic. brushing his thoughts aside, he got in on the driver's side as he began making his way to her place.

after they'd gotten in the house, he had the pleasure of seeing the changes made. in the kitchen, there was a green high chair with leaves scattered on it. when they walked into the living room, there was a fluffed carpet with the abc's accompanied with pictures of animals corresponding to the beginning letter. they walked into her bedroom whose walls were littered with pictures of every ultrasound, the growth of the child becoming more apparent as it continued. everything has changed. and jake wasn't here to experience any of it. he wasn't there to help her through any of it. and he felt so terrible for it.

"wow," was all he could say as he stared at the ultrasounds. she'd long been sitting on the bed, watching him. she had always wondered how she would feel when seeing him again. she wondered how he'd look physically, how he'd look at her, anything. she wondered if she would be angry. she promised herself she'd be angry, that she would lash out at him and spew all the hatred that had manifested these past seven months. but she wasn't angry. and she didn't lash out because.. she didn't want to. she was so happy to see him. and to see how he still cared for her, it healed the wounds that he had left behindㅡ most of them anyways. the room grew terribly quiet as the atmosphere began to suffocate them, engulfing them in the gloom that jake emitted into the air. he let out a shaky breath, his shoulders heaving up and down as his sobs only seemed to elevate in volume.

y/n's eyes widened as she used her step stool to get down from the bed and walk over to him, wrapping her arms around whatever her body could allow her to. he was crying. every single emotion he had pushed down was starting to tear its way through his eyes, lungs, and mouth as he buried his face inside his hands. tears, snots, and spit pooled in the palm of his hands but he didn't care. he wanted to allow himself to feel. but he felt so guilty. he didn't deserve to be comforted by her. cause god knows who was there to comfort her. "i'm sorry. fuck i'm so sorry y/n. i never wanted to leave you. i was just so scared. i was already scared to ruin our relationship. and then you told me and i freaked out. i changed my mind as soon as i walked out but i was so scared to come back because that would be so shitty, but i thought about you every single day. i want to be in the baby's life. i want to be in your life. i'll do anything to fix things. i can't keep living like this. you deserve to be taken care of, both of you. and i want to be the one to care for you."

his words touched every inch of her body, from the top of her head to way beyond her toes. she didn't even realize she was crying until it suddenly became harder to breathe in her nose, the airways being blocked by a sudden stuffiness. she let go of him, going to wipe her own tears off as he wiped his hands off. "y/n? are you okay?" he asked as she finally looked into his reddened eyes. "i waited so long for you to say those words to me. i'm so overwhelmed and happy, jaeyun. please don't leave me again," she begged, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. he didn't even get to respond as he felt her lips graze his. their tears slipped through their lips as the kiss continued. he cupped her face, bringing her impossibly closer as he tried not to apply too much pressure to her stomach. the two of them walked over to the bed, he helped her get up onto the bed where they would lay for the rest of the day.

"when does your lease end?" jake asks y/n as he pours himself a bowl of cereal. she shrugs, taking a bite out of her burrito. she tries her best to think about the date she'd need to renew it. "some time at the end of this month, why?"

"i want you to move in with me," he says, making her choke on her food. she coughs up the remaining pieces out of her throat as she drinks water to calm down the new burning sensation. "well, my lease ends in two weeks. i've been saving up money so we can have enough for a down payment on a better apartment. what do you think about that?" he asks, sitting across from her. she was frozen, chewing her new bite from the burrito more than it needed to be. this was all so sudden. sure, she had wanted this for a long time, but she didn't think it would happen even in her wildest dreams. it just all felt so unreal. "am i overwhelming you?" he sighed.

"no," she said after swallowing the food. "i'm just- i don't know. i just.. think there's levels to this and this is skipping a lot of them," she says. he purses his lips and thinks about it for a second before nodding in agreement. "you're right. but i think it should be fine because it's what i would've done anyways. this is making up for lost time. i have to step up as a father, and this is what fathers are supposed to do," he says. "look," pulling out his phone, he opens safari and slides his phone over to her. she looks at the screen. it was an apartment with a lovely view of the city. "only a 15 minute drive from the university and it's close to a lot of the businesses in the area. i could get it now, or we can go and do a tour and-”

"you'd really want to move in with me?" she asked, looking up from the phone. he tilted his head to the side at her. insecurities were apparent, making him realize she was still wary of the whole situation. understandably, he smiles at her with his eyes and nods his head. "of course, baby. we're making a family together. i think living together makes more sense," her posture relaxes as she smiles slightly. a family, huh? she looks through the pictures more: 3 beds, 2 baths. would he want to make more with her? there's so many 2 bedroom apartments in the same area, why not choose those? she wanted to ask him, but everything was happening too soon. and she didn't even tell chaewon that she allowed the boy back into her life yet. "i think it's fine," she says, sliding the phone back over to him. "this is good. i have no idea how i could possibly fit all of everything that i wanted to give the baby into this small apartment anyways."

"okay, then. you can say hello to our new home," he exclaims as he puts his phone in his pocket. "i gotta get to work soon, so i'll be off before your last class ends. i'll pick you up then?" he finishes off the rest of his cereal, sliding the bowl, with its sugary milk, over to her.

"oh," y/n says as she looks down at the gesture, taking the spoon out as she silently sips on the liquid before talking again as if she were embarrassed to continue her sentence. "i actually am doing the online learning course, i figured it'd give me more time to tend to the baby." even with the small laugh she let out, it was evident that she wasn't happy like, the gesture was meant to be. jake nods his head as he gets up.

"then i'll come back with some dinner, let me know what you're craving before 8:30," he says, checking his pockets for his keys. while walking out of the kitchen, he takes one last glance at her before letting out a breath and leaving. y/n stays there for a while as she lets the silence engulf her. there were always so many things to think about when she was alone these days, but today the one thing on her mind was chaewon and what exactly she was going to tell chaewon.

a big part of her wasn't ready to talk about jake yet as she wasn't completely sure if she was dreaming or not, but the other part knew better than to doubt anything that happened to her anymore. and it knew she would have to tell chaewon one way or another. even if she didn't owe it to her, she felt like she deserved to know because she was there for her every step of the way. having jake would take this burden off of her shoulders, but y/n was immensely afraid that chaewon would be disappointed in her. how weak was she as a mother to take back the same man who turned his back on their child? very weak. but she wanted nothing more than for her child to be brought up in a warm and loving family with both of its parents because she believed that jake and she would be good ones, regardless of his initial response when he learned of the pregnancy.

"okay," y/n says as she finally gets up. "clean up first, tell chaewon after," she grabs the plates bowl, and utensils from the table as she walked over to the sink. one by one, she rinses the dishes off, one time, two times, three times before she opens the dishwasher to put them inside. she wanted to manually wash, but it would be putting too much pressure on the front of her stomach from having to reach over the sink for that long, so she reluctantly used the machine. after she finished that, she got the broom and began sweeping the floor. being too lazy to mop, she resorted to sweeping the living up as she did what she could to slow time down. but doing chores wasn't easy with her stamina, so after around 20 minutes of stalling, she decided to plop down on the couch and text her friend.

upon receiving y/n's message chaewon raises an eyebrow, but types out a reply nonetheless. she figured it was something important or something that was bothering because usually y/n would call. as she made her way to the car, she let her unspoken anxiousness run rampant through her mind about what could possibly be bothering her friend. while y/n stared at chaewon's notification, all that could be heard in the silent living room was the tapping of y/n's foot. she clicked her phone off, taking a deep breath as she waited for a few minutes.

telling chaewon about the situation proved to be easier than y/n's doubts had originally convinced her it would be. of course, chaewon's expressions showed hesitance for the whole ordeal, but at the end of the day she knew it wasn't her choice to make. and even though she wanted to beg her not to let him come back so easily, she offered her hand in support. and jake proved to be thankful; the day they all decided to meet up at y/n and jake's new shared apartment for some final touches, he conveyed his gratitude to chaewon. he thanked her for everything in the book that he could think of, especially for taking care of her in place of him and for staying by her side through it all.

"you know," jake said to chaewon as they looked at y/n's sleeping figure on the bed. she'd gotten tired after her day of fun with them. she'd just knocked out mid laughter, resulting in her innocent slumber while the other two conversed. "it's times like this where i wish i stayed. most guys, when they find out their girl is pregnant, just run off and marry her before the bump even starts showing, but me? i ran off like a deadbeat and hid in my bedroom scared. i should've been a man and stepped up to be a father sooner. you know, i saw her again, like- pregnant at a target. just shopping alone. i know how people think out here, i saw how people were looking at her before i came to her side. i can't imagine how much she had to endure before then. i feel so guilty. like i don't deserve to be here."

chaewon listened intently to his words, seeing the way he teared up over it. she hesitantly reached out to hold her hand on top of his, that action alone feeling like betrayal as he stiffened upon her touch, but she only wanted to comfort him. she swallowed before she spoke. "it's too late to change the past, you're here now."

"yeah. i suppose you're right," he removes his hand from hers as he nods and she didn't know why it upset her as much as it did. clearing her throat, she got up from the bed. "i should go now, right? it's late and i have class tomorrow," she smiles softly patting her pants to smoothen them. jake nods and gets up as well as he says "i'll walk you to the door."

"oh! that's not necessary," chaewon shakes her head, but he insists as he follows her to the door.

"i have to lock you out, so either way i have to come out here," he says, making her mentally face palm at herself. she'd read too much into the situation of course. it was silent as she walked out the door, turning around with her hands clasped together. jake raises an eyebrow silently. "hm?"

"her due date is coming soon. i'm going to step down from being her main support from now on. i want to prioritize my life now, so please fulfill that empty spot for me," she says, walking away before he could muster up a reply.

y/n's screams of pain filled the room as the doctors did everything in their power to talk her through the birth. her grip on jake's hand was painful, but he endured it because she was probably feeling worse than he was.

"that's it, ms.l/n, we can see the baby's head poking through now, just keep pushing, keep breathing," doctor kim says, but nothing registers to y/n as she keeps her eyes squeezed shut, tears flowing down her face as she sobs out.

"chaewon!! chaewon-ah, it hurts s-so bad," she brings her free hand to cover her eyes, wiping what she could. jake stays silent, only offering her a chaste kiss on top of her head, then on one of her tear stained cheeks. he couldn't be upset in a moment like this. right now, all he wanted to do was comfort her until this passed through.

"almost there and .... it's a boy!" hearing her son's cries fill the air was the first thing to bring her back to life. her soul felt like it was floating outside of her body until that point, but hearing the first sounds he's been able to make since leaving her womb, pulled her all the way back in. and feeling him in her arms for the first time made all of the pain and hardships she faced worth it. "jaemin," she whispered to the baby boy, whose cries seemed to subside once he felt his mother's touch. "you'll take the 'jae' from your father," jake's ears perked up as soon as he heard it. "look jaeyun," she turned to him with a smile. he looked down to see their baby, sleepily cooing while they both looked at him with nothing but adoration in their eyes.

"he's beautiful," was all jake could think to say. and it was true, jaemin was beautiful. even though he was covered in gunk and y/n's blood, he was beautiful. doctor kim watched silently for a few minutes before she felt it was alright to take jaemin away to wash him up.

"don't worry, i will bring him back to you after you all get your deserved rest, it was a long 15 hours, but you did it!"

"mhm, i sure did do it," y/n said, her eyes fluttering while she tried her best to stay awake during her tired state. after the doctor left with jaemin, jake wasn't sure of what to do. he scratched the back of his neck, sitting down in a chair while y/n closed her eyes. the room was a comfortable silence at that point, y/n's small breaths bringing the calm to a maximum. "jake?" she whispered, not thinking to speak louder through her drowsiness as jake looked up from his phone over to her. "yeah?"

"can you please sleep with me?"

his heart raced as he looked at her.

"yeah."

"that's a good boy, that's a good boy," jake tickled jaemin's stomach as the 4 month old baby boy cooed, using his small hands in an attempt to grab at his father's.

"he's not a dog jake," chaewon giggled as she watched the two boys. she sat on the couch next to y/n who was lying down, her back facing the group.

"hey, babies can be good boys too," jake argued in his baby voice, his attention still being on the baby he was rocking slightly in his arms

"that's fair," chaewon agreed, rubbing her stomach upon its sudden growling. "you guys hungry?" she asked, opening up her phone to ubereats.

"eh, i could eat," by now jake had gotten bored of standing up, instead he sat down with jaemin whose head was now being held up by the crease in jake's elbow while he sat at a respectable distance from chaewon.

"me too," chaewon says as she scrolls through the tabs on the app, being pulled in by all the food options that it offered. she hummed and slightly turned her head over to y/n who only remained silent, eyes focused on the closed curtains of their living room window. "how about you, y/n?"

letting her eyes focus on multiple spots of the room in front of her, it almost felt like she was searching her surroundings for an answer. but there was none. "i'm not hungry," she finally chose to respond before it was too obvious that she was still avoiding speaking.

"aw c'mon since when are you not hungry? you should be taking advantage of being able to eat whatever you want now that jaemin's outside of your body!" chaewon says, lightly nudging her friend's body, though the girl still didn't respond.

"well..." jake's voice suddenly piped into the conversation. "she's breastfeeding, so she still has to be cautious of the nutrients and junk she gets. can't have our baby being unhealthy, now can we?"

now it was jake's turn to be nudged. "aw c'mon, he'll be fine with a little tacos in his baby system! i'll order some now, matter of fact," chaewon said as she typed in 'tacos' in the app's search bar.

"alright, but none of that taco bell, we need the organics."

"well you're not gonna find that in korea.."

"fair enough," jake says as he gets up from his seat on the couch. "let's just go get some. y/n needs some alone time with jaemin anyways, we've basically stolen him away from her. isn't that right, baby?" he says, booping the boy's nose. he walks over to y/n, gently moving her shoulder in a way that would lay her on her back. she closed her eyes, not wanting to look at him as he placed jaemin on her, a heavy feeling forming in her stomach. he pouts, sympathizing with her tiredness as he places a kiss on both her and jaemin's head. "we'll be back," he says as he and chaewon quietly head out.

she only opens her eyes after she hears the door shut and lock. looking down, she sees jaemin fighting sleep as he is so at peace with her warmth, and it's only then that she's brought back to reality. the guilty feeling she would always get once she would hold him would come back again and she begins to ask herself why she was feeling the way she was.

carefully, she maneuvers herself so that she can hold him properly in her arms with a sigh. "god damn it, jaemin. why am i like this? i don't hate you, i know i don't. but why does it feel like this sometimes?" his lack of understanding towards her words makes her feel a little better, he dribbles and gives her a gummy as she kisses the top of his head. "i'm sorry, baby. i don't like feeling like i can only love you when it's just the two of us alone. this isn't how a mother should feel. you deserve better than me." closing her eyes, she slightly sways her body to become a human rocking chair to soothe him more than her warmth could do on its own.

"can you believe it's only been four months since he's been born?" although jaemin was nearing half a year of being with them now, jake already loved the boy enough to be able to talk about him nonstop for hours on end. he even went back to work early just to be able to brag about how healthy and strong his son would turn out to be. there'd even be nights where he and y/n would sleep with jaemin, and she'd wake up to see him have his back facing her, while jaemin would be carefully cuddled up to him on the other side. it was no secret that he loved his baby so much at times it'd be suffocating, for y/n at least. even when their parents came over to visit, they'd joke and say he must have been the one to give birth to jaemin instead of y/n.

even now, as the couple lay in bed, it felt awkward for jake not to have jaemin with them. it had been a mutual decision of theirs to have him sleep in his crib as sleeping in between two very active sleepers could potentially be dangerous. even now as they both faced each other, faces being dimly lit by their tv, his mind seemed to stay focused on the baby who was asleep in the next room as the smile on his face never faltered. y/n looked into his eyes, smiling back. she felt at ease being able to be so close with him without having to worry about keeping distance between their bodies for the sake of jaemin. it was refreshing. but she thought it'd be better if he would shift his focus to her, even if it was just for tonight. after these four long months of neglect, it's the least he could do for her.

yet, somehow his conversation regarding the boy never seemed to end. so, taking matters into her own hands, he put a finger to his lips, giggling as he finally grew silent. "you have work in the morning. sleep," she says, and he nods, the smile on his face staying the same.

"i must be keeping you awake huh?"

y/n hummed in response, using her thumbs to gently caress his face as he melted into her touch. "okay, then let's sleep," he said, gently removing himself from her hold so that he was laying on his back as sleep seemed to come over him quickly. she guessed it was easier to tire when it came to her. she turned her back to face him as she reminisced the days he would stay up and talk to her. she so naively thought that moving in together would bring them closer; it wouldn't be surprising if she woke up to an empty spot in the bed when she'd wake up later.

"i'm happy you're here, but you shouldn't have switched to online classes just to be able to see me everyday," y/n said as she changed jaemin's diaper, the boy kicking his chubby feet at her in protest to the cold baby wipe she swiped on his bum as she attempted to rid him of his potty mess.

"oh please," chaewon says as she waves a ringing teddy bear in front of the baby's face to offer a distraction for y/n to finish more smoothly. "going in person was only fun because you were there, plus i love that i have more time to see my best friend and my beautiful nephew!"

"he is beautiful, isn't he?" she said as she put the boy in his diaper, his hiss of fits finally coming to an end as she rocked him back and forth in her arms. "he looks so much like his daddy, too."

"well, i see the both of you in him," chaewon says, laying on her shoulder with a content sigh. "it's so crazy how much he's matured since he came back. i honestly held a grudge against him, but now i think you caught the stars with him. he's an amazing father," chaewon finishes, raising an eyebrow when she hears a small sigh coming from her friend. "what's wrong?"

y/n's complaint is simple. when chaewon asks her, she admits, "he's a good father, and he takes such good care of jaemin, of course, but i just wish he'd take care of me too, you know? he used to have real life feelings for me, now it just feels like i'm nothing more than a mother to him, now that he's a father." she prayed to god that she didn't sound jealous of her own baby. how pathetic that would be of her.

"baby... i'm sure this is just a first time parent thing. he's excited about the baby you guys made. i would be too, i mean, look at him! he's adorable," her eyes scan the baby's features, smiling softly at the sight before her. "don't forget what you feel for him too, though, okay? you love jaemin that much too, right?" it was something y/n never thought about. deep down she knew she had to love jaemin. she knew somewhere inside her heart that she adored him, and there were even times where she wanted to spend every waking moment with him, but she wasn't happy. or at least not in the way she thought she would be.

when she was first pregnant with jaemin, all she could ever think about was how badly she wanted to hold him. how badly she wanted to meet him and love him the way she knew best, but nothing she ever did with him felt like the magic she wanted. if anything, she was pretty miserable all the time. all the responsibility was pushed onto her, nobody else dealt with his crying, nobody else fed him, changed his diaper, anything. everyone got the luxuries of being around him while she did all the work.

she hated it, but that's what she was supposed to do, isn't it? she was supposed to care for her child while jake went to work to make sure they all got fed & taken care of. she couldn't possibly expect chaewon to pitch in, it wasn't her child. but she felt lonely, and even though it hurt her physically, mentally, emotionally, she couldn't just stop taking care of the boy. he was her responsibility. no matter what she did.

and she tried so hard to not direct those malice feelings towards him, but there's a big part in her brain that blames him. chaewon notices the silence and it tells her everything she knows. "a lot of things can happen to your emotions postpartum, y/n. there is help that you can get to get you through this. don't be mad at yourself for feeling sad, it's normal."

"yeah... i'm sorry. i just don't know how to cope with this stuff." chaewon shakes her head fondly and pulls the girl into a side hug, patting her back gently until she lets go again.

"don't be. i'll look into getting you help, but for now i'll look for temporary remedies." she smiles and kisses her cheek affectionately, pulling away once more before walking out of the room. "get some rest. we can talk more later, okay?"

y/n nods silently and watches her walk out of the room, deciding to put the baby to sleep in his room before she goes into her own to do the same.

chaewon's temporary remedy was one of the best gifts y/n could have ever wished for. it took some days, but she convinced jake to take y/n out on a proper date. after 4 months of solely focusing on raising the baby, the two of them are finally getting some alone time together. and y/n could not be any happier. he scheduled a shorter work day so they could go out sooner, and she spent the whole day getting ready. she had lost half of the baby weight, and due to the practices she followed to recover from the birth, her body looked almost the same as it had pre-pregnancy. she did her makeup as best as she could, threw on a matching velvet two-piece, and she even deep cleaned the house so it would look and smell good when he would arrive home.

when he came home, he barely had time to hug her and admire the way she looked as her hands were both already occupied. one hand held jaemin's sleepover bag, while the other held the sleepy baby in his car seat. raising his eyebrow, she only offered him a smile. "i'm ready whenever you are," she said, but he only laughed.

"i have to get ready too," he said, walking into the direction of the bedroom to do just that. the home was silent apart from the shower sounds as she sat on the couch. jaemin was in his cradle playing with the mobile that hung above his head. she didn't know exactly how much more patient she could be. now that she knew what the night had in store for her, she couldn't stop thinking about it; that made the wait so much more difficult to endure.

it felt like hours before jake came out of their room. his jet black hair was parted in the middle, partially slicked back on one side while his outfit consisted of a silk maroon button up with silk black pants and black loafers. her eyes couldn't help but widen as she looked at him. yep. they needed to leave fast. in the blink of an eye, she was carrying both jaemin and his bag, following closely behind jake as they walked to the car.

the drive was quiet as jaemin had fallen asleep in the back. jake's focus was on the road, while y/n's eyes were on him. after they dropped jaemin off at chaewon's place the plan was to go out to eat, but as they approached the highway that would lead to where the closest restaurants were, y/n started feeling a heavy feeling in her stomach.

"um, jake?" she says, lightly putting her hand on his shoulder. he turns his head slightly to glance at her before turning his attention back to the road. "how hungry are you? like hungry hungry, or just 'eh, i guess i could eat' kinda hungry?" she asks, making him cock and eyebrow.

"the second i guess, why? are you not hungry?" he asks, finally being able to turn to her when they hit a red light. she nods without saying anything. "not gonna lie, i went through hell getting that reservation. eating just a little won't hurt, right?"

"i'm sorry but my stomach hurts really bad..."

"y/n," jake says, pulling over to the side of the road so he could look at her while they spoke. "do you just not want to eat?" she doesn't speak back this time. he sighs, rubbing his temples as his other hand grips on the wheel. "fine. we don't have to go, i'm not doing this with you tonight," he says, his tone void of anything, but she could tell he was annoyed. he turns the car back on and pulls back onto the road, looking for the nearest place to turn around. this time, the quietness of the ride was uncomfortable. she didn't want to be in it, but she was afraid to speak; she wouldn't know what to say anyways.

instead of taking the route that would lead them home, he takes a turn that would lead to where they had come from: chaewon's house to which y/n begs him not to. "why are we going to chaewon's house?" she asks.

"we're picking jaem up?" he says like it's the most obvious answer.

"please no!" her voice was desperate, more desperate than he needed to hear. "it's just- i don't know when we'll ever get time like this again. i don't want to lose out. please."

"okay."

he takes a left, starting the journey to go their way home. his speed is faster than normal. she notices and doesn't like it, but she does her best to ignore it since she was getting what she wanted in the end. when they walked into their shared home, she was glad she cleaned up nicely because the atmosphere felt calmer than it would have been if the house was still a baby mess.

y/n thought she'd feel better, but her mood only worsens when she realizes jake still is upset. he goes over to the couch, flopping backwards onto it as he rested his head on the head of it. he unbuttons the first few buttons of his shirt with a sigh. she walks over to him with extreme caution, sitting next to him.

"are you alright?"

he just shrugs, mumbling under his breath, "this was pointless, if we were just gonna come back home." she purses her lips, biting back a frown.

"not completely pointless! it's nice to get a break from being a parent once in a while."

"for who?" he responds, "i have no problem being a parent, do you?" he turns to her, a look in his eyes daring her to say something. and it should make her intimidated, but for some reason it only blows her off the edge she was already doing her best to stay balanced on.

"would i be such a villain to say i do?!" she finally screams at him, the sudden change in volume catching him by surprise. "jesus christ, jake. i just don't get what's so special about him." her words spew a hatred she didn't know she could have at her own child and it angers jake more than any angry words could possibly explain.

"him? HIM?!? you mean our child?!?!"

y/n dodges the question as tears start to flow down her face. he looks at her in disbelief as he gets up from where he's sitting to walk away to create some space between them, but she only follows behind him, her built up frustrations finally clawing their way out her throat as she spoke. "all you care about is him; you're becoming nothing more than a dad, now and it's so. fucking. miserable!"

"well what the fuck do you want me to do, y/n?" he slams his fist against the wall, making her flinch. a split second of humanity was able to hit him again as he pinched his temples, a deep sigh being exhaled. "i'm not going back to being a deadbeat. i'm not going back to feeling burdened by my own decision. he's my son. our son."

"yes, jake. believe me. i know he's yours," she pauses, the lump forming an unbearable pain in her throat as she opens her mouth to speak again. "but am i?" she wanted to be strong. in all the scenarios where she had imagined she would be able to express her feelings, she was sure she'd be strong. it wasn't a phrase she had intentionally practiced for the hundreds of what-ifs her brain conjured, but it was the only sentence that could convey the hurt she had been feeling in her heart.

she cleared her throat, deciding not to let the silence last a second more. "aren't i supposed to be loved, too? don't i matter, too?" her attempt to keep her composure crumbled as she broke out into sobs. she knew it was supposed to hurt, but did it have to hurt this bad? she'd endured this feeling of unbelonging for such a long time, the least her heart could do was make it hurt less.

"y/n-" she hears him interrupt himself with a sigh as he walks towards her, pulling her into an embrace and resting his head on hers. he didn't know how to comfort her. there wasn't an easy way to put into words everything he felt for her, especially since it all came with emotions he didn't fully understand. "you matter so much to me. so fucking much, y/n. more than i can ever explain." he wrapped his arms around her tighter and she returned his affection, burying her head in his shoulder.

"please promise me that you mean it. please promise you won't forget about me " her voice wavered as she spoke, and he noticed how badly she was shaking. he wanted so badly to tell her how he felt, but he didn't know where he stood. they were never together. even if they both loved each other, it was never expressed because their situation didn't allow them to in the past. now things had changed, and he didn't know how they were gonna handle it.

"i promise." he whispered, hoping it would be enough.

she pulled away, wiping the tears from her face as she looked up at him. he gently smiled down at her, placing his hand on the side of her cheek, brushing her hair back from her face. she leans forward, wrapping her arms around him as she looked him in the eye. he smiled down at her, heart beating faster as he swallowed all his fears to express himself. "i love you, y/n, i'm sorry for pulling away instead of accepting it." the words caught her off guard, this was the first time he'd ever said such a thing to her. and it was better than she could've ever imagined.

tears spilled from her eyes as her lip quivered, she nodded understanding before pulling him into a kiss. she didn't know how long it'd been since they last kissed and it lasted only a second before she pulled away. "i love you too jake."

in an instant, his lips were back on hers, only pulling away long enough for him to look her in the eyes with a smirk as he asked "oh, do you?" their kiss grew sloppy as he lightly wrapped his hand around her neck, guiding her to the couch as he maneuvers himself so that he's sitting first. he pulls her on his lap, hands making their way to her waist as she grinded her hips against his growing erection, letting her tongue slip through his lips as he began sucking on it. he moved his hands up, fumbling with the zipper on her top before zipping it down fully. once he'd done that, she slipped out of it, her breasts falling down with a bounce before he latched his lips onto one of them, sucking slightly before releasing it with a loud pop.

there was no need to rush this time, they had the house all to themselves. their kiss lasted what felt like hours, only the sound of lips smacking and clothes rubbing against each other could be heard. jake pulls back for air, moving to unbutton his shirt. she only watches him intently wondering how he could make a simple action so, so sensual. he notices her stares and he likes it. his dick twitches and he realizes that, though the kissing and grinding is amazing, he wanted more. so much more.

"you gonna put those pretty lips to use or are we just gonna play around all night?" he asks making her eyes widen in excitement as she moves off of his lap to lay on the couch, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants before pulling them down to his mid thigh as she immediately latched her lips around the tip of his cock.

he sucks in a breath as she swirls her tongue around it, scooting down in his spot as he relaxed under her touch. "yeah, just like that," he praises as he pushes her head down so she can take in all of his length, fucking deeply into her mouth, not allowing her to come up even when she tapped on his thigh, gagging around him. "mmm, that's right." he finally let her come up to breathe, moving his hand to notify her that he wanted her to take control. she used the spit around his cock to her advantage as she let her mouth sink down until she felt his tip hit the back of her throat, doing her best to keep bobbing her head that way.

he hums and pats her butt, lifting her hip slightly to tell her to lift it more into the air. he does his best to pull her skirt off, letting her wiggle her way out of it, standing on her knees as he moves her panties to the side as he dipped his fingers into her wetness, adding two fingers. he sped up his thrusts, adding another finger as she kept going, teasingly stopping every time she would moan to the point of being inaudible. her legs started to shake as she resorted to only sucking the tip as she couldn't suck him any better with the way she couldn't stop moaning.

"get up and ride me," he tells her. she quickly obeys and inserts him inside of her, hopping up and down as she does her best to ride him, though her speed is slow. he smacks her ass, squeezing it harshly before spreading her cheeks apart. "good girl.. do you like making daddy feel good?" he asks as he grabs her chin and pulls her in for a kiss, this time letting it turn french. she moans into it, the lengths of his cock hitting her g-spot without fail every time she'd drop down. it made her speed and movement falter forcing him to grab her by her ass, lifting her body higher as he begins fucking into her, leaving her an absolute mess as she entangles her fingers into his hair breaking the kiss to moan in her ear.

"you feel so fucking good around me, but now's not the time to be a pillow princess," he again still praises as she tries to meet his thrusts. she has to take her hands out of his hair as she grips her nails into his shoulder, unable to fully process the pleasure her body was taking in. with the way her pussy clenched around him partnered with the pain from her fingernails digging into his skin, he couldn't help but be vocal about it. "you just wanna get pregnant again huh? you want me to fuck my seed into you again? you want me to reclaim this pussy? huh? you like that?"

squeezing her eyes shut, y/n just couldn't hold back anymore as she falls apart on top of him her first orgasm taking over all her senses, legs trembling from the feeling as she starts babbling between moans. he laughs as she rests her head on his shoulder, words still not forming correctly. "spit it out," he says as he slows his thrusts down ever so slightly so she could speak. she didn't know what came over her as she moaned out again, another orgasm hitting her as she came undone once again. she looks at him with a fucked out expression and says "faster."

his dick twitches as he complies, pounding deeper into her, feeling cocky, and only speeding up as he speaks praises into her ear. "you're so good to me, fuck y/n. you're gonna have to deal with me forever.. i'm not letting anyone even dream of having a chance with you. you're mine, all mine you understand?" she nods. "keep letting me fuck you like this and you're gonna be my wife sooner."

hearing this makes her moan louder as she smashes her lips on his, he keeps his speed, sometimes thrusting all the way in, staying there for a second too long for her liking, just to drive her crazy as she comes undone another time, finally making him start reaching his own pleasure limit. he doesn't change his speed or actions as he finally buries himself deep inside of her as he filled her with his hot seed. "you're mine," he says as she falls limp on top of him in exhaustion. she smiles and for the first time in months, she felt all the weight lifted off of her shoulders.

"all yours."

end.

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen smut #kpop smut #jake x reader #jake x fem reader #enhypen jake #enhypen jake smut #jake smut #jake scenarios #jake angst #jake imagines #enhypen angst

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annab-nana · 9 months

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“Please get off the lake-the ice is too thin to skate on and I don’t want to have to jump in after you.” With the fruity four. God Eddie would be so scared and worried but you and Robin are just having so much fun🥺

eddie is a nervous nelly and i love it hahah

warnings: not proofread

❀ masterlist ❀

"does the ice look a little too thin to you guys?" eddie asked as you and robin laced up your skates.

"i don't think so," you told him honestly. was it the thickest ice you've ever laid eyes on? no, but it looked fine to you.

normally, steve would be the determiner of ice thickness, but in her haste to get out the door this morning, nancy only grabbed one of her skates. steve offered to drop robin with you and eddie while he took nancy back to her place to get her other ice skate. so it was just you, robin, and a very nervous eddie.

"are you not joining us?" robin questioned eddie once she took notice of how he wasn't changing out his boots for skates.

"nah," he responded, his breath visible as it exited his mouth, "i think i'll wait for steve and nancy to get back.

"suit yourself," robin stated. she stood and held her hand out to you. "let's go shred some ice."

"wait," eddie called, standing when you two neared the edge of the lake. "why don't we all wait for them to get back? then, we can all skate together."

robin rolled her eyes and shook her head while you spoke up. "eddie, we've been waiting all year for the weather to get like this so we could skate."

"and steve literally told me before he left to go ahead and start without him," robin added. "if you want to skate together, then come on and skate with us."

eddie's lack of movement told you both he was going to wait, so you made your way onto the lake.

about five minutes passed of you two having the time of your lives on the ice and of eddie sitting on the edge of the bench before he had had enough.

"y/n! robin!" your giggles of glee quietened at the sound of your names and you glided over to eddie. "please get off the lake. the ice is too thin to skate on and i don’t want to have to jump in after you, so please, for my sanity, get off the lake."

robin went to protest, but your hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"okay," you gave in, turning to robin who threw you an incredulous look. "we can wait until steve comes back. he'll feel better once he's got steve's approval and they should be back any minute now anyway."

"fine," robin replied with no enthusiasm at all.

"oh thank god," eddie breathed out, hugging you both once you were safely off the lake. robin pushed back a little bit while you let him hug you.

"sorry about her," you mumbled into eddie's ear when you pulled away.

"well, you know what you have to do now, munson?" robin proposed while you and eddie both waited to see where she was headed. "you have to entertain us, so go ahead. entertain."

eddie looked at you to which you shrugged. then, he let his eyes scan the area around you all.

"wanna make snow angels or build a snowman?" he inquired, looking between the two of you.

robin and you shared a look in your eye and you knew then that you were both choosing the same thing.

"snowman."

remember to support writers & reblog :)

turn on notifications for @annab-library to be notified when i post something new or join the tag list here!

tag list: @fiction-is-life @marjorie189 @jellyfishbeansontoast

#fruity four #fruity four x reader #fruity four blurbs #blurbs #rebelemilu #❀ emily ❀#winter wonderland sleepover ✧*:･ﾟ #eddie munson #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #robin buckley

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tfyoulookingatgiuxs · 9 months

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hola , can i please request a sub!nancy and she’s needy and whiny after a while of being away from R

thank you 🙏🏾

-🧞‍♀️

•Ooooh. my. God. 😜 I like this request!

Take a sweet relax

Sub!Nancy Wheeler x Dom!Reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Needy. Your girlfriend was needy but you couldn't keep up with her, so what could you do? Maybe relaxing wasn't such a bad idea, what do you think?

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: SMUT!!! +18!!! MDNI!! Lesbian sex, fingerings, mommy kink, praise kink, pet names (good girl, pretty girl etc...),degradation (slut, whore etc...), begging, nipple sucking, cunnilings, overstimulation, aftercare, bad language, Dom!fem!reader, slightmean!reader, Sub!Nancy, no use of Y/N.

𝐀/𝐍: Requested by an anonymous person. I had never wasted my hours thinking about a sub!Nancy, so I wasn't sure where to start but, I must say, I don't mind the result! I hope I have satisfied your request, anonymous! Sorry for my english this is not my native language. Please support and reblog. Hope you enjoy! (DIVIDER NOT MINE)

You arrived home tired and destroyed. That Friday afternoon it had sent you to the mental hospital! Too much fucking work! You couldn't stand it anymore...luckily you still held yourself up and with those only strength you managed to enter your apartment. You turned the key in the lock and then opened the door and didn't find your girlfriend in the living room. Maybe she was already in bed? Probably. You thought. It was very late and perhaps it was a good thing that Nancy was in bed at this time.

You made sure not to make too much noise as you placed your jacket on the coat rack. You headed to the bedroom and almost jumped when you saw her. Nancy sitting on the bed without her nightgown and wearing a white lace bra decorated with a few pastel pink bows, she smiled lovingly looking down at you "Welcome back darling" she said while you responded with a simple "Hi".

Nancy knew you would be late today, so you didn't think she was worried "How come you're not sleeping Nance? It's very late" you told her taking off your white shirt "I was waiting for you" she said and you heard the bed springs make a strange noise, now Nancy had gotten up and was behind you, you could feel her breathing on your neck. Her arms wrapped around your waist gently as her trembling fingers traveled from your belly to your breasts "You know I felt very lonely without you" she continued and you felt her cold skin on your back, making you realize she was completely in underwear.

You knew what she wanted. But no. You weren't in the mood "No, Nancy. I'm very tired, I don't think I'm in the mood for sex" You answered and heard Nancy whimper slightly "But work has you too stressed love, maybe some sweet sex can help you relax, what do you say?" She tried to convince you. She was needy, and you knew she would continue like this all night. You snorted. “Nancy, please” your tone was tired and exhausted but her cold fingers on your bra were impossible to miss. You didn't want to, but you weren't doing anything to stop her from groping your tits "Please love, you need it, I need you" she had chosen perhaps the worst time to be needy and as beautiful as she looked in that sexy underwear, your answer was always "No" You took her hands off of you while you put on a white t-shirt with nothing underneath, remaining in your underwear, you didn't even have the strength to put on pants apparently.

Meanwhile, Nancy remained looking at you and sulked and sat back down on the bed offended, while every now and then she whined or muttered something. You closed your eyes for a moment, she knows how much you can't stand these stupid scenes of a needy bitch "Nancy, stop, go to sleep please, tomorrow I promise I'll fuck as you want, okay my love?" You proposed but she let out a grumble before replying with an “Okay” in an annoying tone as she slipped under the covers and turned off the lamp on the nightstand next to the bed.

You didn't want to believe that your girlfriend was serious. She should have understood you and instead she starts mumbling and acting like an offended fucking child! You brought a hand to your forehead, feeling the heat. No. You should have let it go, tomorrow morning she would surely rejoice again when you fucked her good. You headed to the bathroom and washed your face noticing the dark circles under your eyes. You looked at your reflection for a while, as if your face had taken you into oblivion and made you think for at least four minutes straight. Fuck it. You thought as you exited the bathroom with a rather irritated expression.

Your heavy footsteps could well be heard on the wooden floor as you walked back into the bedroom "Hey" You said turning on the light that Nancy had previously turned off and you saw her open her eyes, most likely trying to sleep but failing as soon as she got you you heard "What—" you didn't even give her time to speak before in no time you discovered her, revealing her beautiful body with shiny pink skin. Nancy was taken aback and looked at you with her brown eyes submissive to you. With one hand you took her jaw, forcing her to kiss you, throwing you both headfirst onto the bed, with Nancy under you while you continued kissing her passionately and without stopping. She didn't stop you, in fact she let you do it as her fingers slipped through your hair. The kiss was intense and hungry, you were tired it's true, but thinking about the way Nancy had behaved and the shitty day you'd had, you couldn't help but vent like your girlfriend had advised you to do. You had to relax. And what better way than to ruin your girlfriend? Letting her become a complete mess before your eyes while she would cry and praise. You fucking needed it.

You separated from the kiss while you tried to catch your breath "Damn, can't you even wait for tomorrow? Do you always have to want everything now? You little bitch" You regained your breath while one of your hands groped her breast forcefully making her let out a moan "Please...” is all she could say feeling between your legs how she squeezed her thighs together in excitement “Just as I thought, you can't hold yourself even a fucking minute without mommy can't you, whore?” She nodded and you let out a light laugh "I'm too tired to punish you, so be a good slut and let me fuck you so you don't whine anymore" she nodded again and you pressed your grip on her breasts tighter making her whimper, making her understanding that that wasn't the correct answer "Yes mommy" she corrected herself as she watched your figure move.

You took off her white panties noticing the wet puddle that had been created "Are you already this wet? For two words I said to you? You're pathetic Nance" your words were hard as ice, mean but Nancy didn't care, she loved when you acted that rough, especially in bed making her even more excited. You threw her panties on the floor making her totally wet pussy air, she was fucking beautiful and ready to be destroyed by you "Mommy please" Nancy begged you as her eyes were focused on your hand dangerously close to her pussy "Tell me one more time and I swear I'll leave you like this" you threatened her and she went quiet "Good girl" you praised her sticking two fingers in her needy hole. You didn't waste any time, you didn't want to tease her, so you started moving your fingers in and out repeatedly until Nancy was a mess of whimpers and moans.

“Mommy—ugh” she called out to you as more sighs and moans overwhelmed her, at the sight of your girlfriend totally out of it you showed a smirk on your face feeling that tingle forming under your legs “Show me those tits” You almost whispered getting faster the rhythm. Nancy didn't have to repeat it and with one move she uncovered her breasts showing her hardened nipples "Oh fuck" You exclaimed cursing while your fingers were wet with her juice. You bent down to get your lips to her tits sucking on one “Yes mommy!!—” she said throwing her head back. You licked every inch of her nipple sliding your saliva onto her cold tit “Mommy—I‐ugh!” She tried to speak and failed again. You looked up "Mmhh do you want to come? Do you want mommy to let you cum on her fingers? Do you want that?" Nancy nodded quickly "Yes!" She almost screamed as she was reaching the edge, the sound your fingers made in her pussy was inaudible "So come on you fucking whore, come on my fucking fingers now" you told her and soon Nancy reached her orgasm filling with her cum your fingers “That's my sweet Nancy, well done” you praised her, removing your fingers from her pussy and getting dangerously close to it again.

Nancy, while she was trying to catch her breath, looked at you "Darling..." she said to you in a tired tone "Darling? Mommy hasn't finished with you yet, do you think that after the scene you made I'll leave you like this?" You told her as you placed her legs on your shoulders bringing your lips closer to her pulsating pussy "I'll make you come again and again so you'll stop feeling needy" and so you would. You brought your lips to her clit, stimulating it with your tongue while Nancy gripped your hair. From her clit you moved down to her folds sucking and tasting every nook and cranny of her vagina “Oh fuck—” she cursed.

And so you moved on. It was one in the morning and you were still eating out your girlfriend even after her fourth orgasm "Mommy! Please stop!—" She still begged you as she pulled your hair trying to get you to come off "Come on gets to the fifth darling, you can do it" you told her, letting your tongue go into her hole. Nancy couldn't help but cry and moan louder and louder, surely making herself heard by the neighbors "I-I can't! - ah" she replied and you raised an eyebrow "Yes instead Nance, come on, obey your mommy" at that sentence Nancy relaxed the grip on your hair, letting go and arriving at her fifth orgasm "Yesyesyesyesyes-" and as you wanted, Nancy came again on your face and you moaned between her pussy "Good love, just like that" and you pulled away looking at the state where Nancy was. She was totally destroyed and ruined, the tears had now wet the bed sheets and the mascara that she hadn't taken off that day had all dripped onto her sweet cheeks.

You lay down next to her placing sweet kisses on her shoulder and the same thing on her neck taking care of her "Thank you‐" she managed to say between labored breaths, you smiled giving a light and sweet kiss on her wet cheek. As soon as Nancy fully recovered you looked at her sweet brown eyes "So, now how about we make mommy feel good before going to sleep?" You proposed and she nodded. You took off your now completely wet panties and positioned yourself on top of her with your pussy on her face, letting yourself be carried away by the sweet sensation of pleasure. You couldn't relax any better than this.

#stranger things #nancy wheeler x reader #nancy wheeler imagine #stranger things nancy #nancy wheeler fanfic #nancy wheeler #sub!nancy #nancy wheeler smut #lesbian #lgbtqia #request

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plussizefantasia · 1 year

Text

Rockets Run

Flufftober Day 2: Meet Cute

Steve Harrington x f!reader

Word Count: 1.3k

AN: This really got away from me and from the prompt but I really like how it turned out. Please reblog if you liked the story and I'll see you tomorrow for day 3!

divider credit: @royallaesthetics

There weren’t a whole lot of diners that were open 24 hours in Hawkins Indiana. Especially after Benny’s closed three years ago. Rocket’s wasn’t a very good diner, it was on the verge of bankruptcy before its only competition closed and it became the only place in the small town with a decent cheap burger. But it was the only option you had if you didn’t want to drive twenty minutes into the next town over. This meant that when the occasional cravings for a midnight milkshake struck you were left with only one option. And so was everyone else who wanted food after 9 p.m.

Steve didn’t understand why he was always the one who had to go get food for the party when they all hung out and started getting hangry around 11. Now that the kids were a bit older their parents were a little more lenient with curfew, especially on the weekend. This is why he’s at Rockets alone on a Friday night on the verge of becoming a Saturday morning waiting for his order of enough food to feed a small army.

You on the other hand had just finished an almost twelve-hour shift where the rumbling in your stomach made itself more known the longer the night had gone on. Finally when your coworker heard the actual monstrous sounds that your body was making she took pity on you and told you to take the rest of the night, and implored you to get some food before your stomach started to eat itself. You laughed it off, thanked her, and hopped in your car to take her advice. A milkshake really sounded good right now.

Walking into Rocket’s during the midnight hours was almost like entering another dimension, at least you think it is you’ve never actually been in one. The lights were bright, and in contrast to the darkness waiting just outside the windows, it was almost startling. The booths and tables that filled the dining space were always almost empty, the occasional groups of teenagers or semi-drunk adults may be scattered among the seats. Tonight there was only one other customer in the space. A young man, about your age with the fluffiest hair you think you’ve ever seen. He leans against the booth closest to the counter, not sitting but not exactly standing. He seems to be waiting for his order, you briefly wonder how long he’s been here.

“What can I get you?” A woman in a shockingly old-fashioned diner girl dress asks you. She’s older than you but just barely, and by the look on her face, she obviously doesn’t want to be here this late.

“Um, an order of fries and a chocolate milkshake to go please.” You respond, not having to look at the menu to know what you’d like this evening.

“Sure thing, it’ll be just a moment,” She replies dryly before turning away from you and disappearing through the swinging doors you assume must lead to the kitchen.

During the exchange between you and the waitress who seemingly hates her job, the young man in the diner shifts his body to look at you. There's a certain glint in his eyes and you can only guess at the thoughts that are spinning within them.

Steve doesn’t think he would mind picking up the food as much if there was always a pretty girl at Rockets when he did. You caught his attention when you walked through the door, the bell rang and caught his attention first but the chime was quickly forgotten when his eyes landed on you. It’s not a secret that Steve likes women, he likes all kinds of women and he isn’t afraid of the world knowing that but he is kind of surprised that you managed to really capture his attention when you look so... tired.

You obviously just came from work if your uniform and name tag are anything to go by, and the darkness that meets the top of your cheeks from under your eyes catches the light in a very obvious way. But there is a certain beauty to you that he just can’t ignore. You just look so soft and so adorable shuffling your feet into the late-night diner and right up towards the counter. He can’t help but think that seeing you might just be the best part of his week.

You’re eyes catch the stranger’s and you lift an eyebrow in an almost challenging way. You know that you must look haggard, you’re dead on your feet and not doing a damn thing to convince anyone otherwise. He on the other hand looks pretty put together. He’s wearing a soft-looking yellow sweater and a pair of Levis that just seem to go together. His hair is messy in that trendy way and his eyes sparkle under the fluorescent lights.

Your moment of observation ends when the waitress from before calls out for “Steve”. The stranger perks up and pushes himself up from his semi-reclined position. He makes his way towards the counter where he is then given four large bags worth of food. As each bag gets past into his hands your eyes grow a little wider and when he has a good grip on all of them you finally let out a soft chuckle at the way he becomes lost amongst the sea of to-go boxes.

“Hungry?” You ask.

“Actually, it’s Steve” he replies not missing a beat. He’s smooth and funny and if you weren't as tired you most definitely would’ve let out a laugh. However, any points he might’ve earned in your book are immediately revoked when he almost drops one of the bags he’s holding. It’s embarrassing, in a really endearing way.

“You need help?” You offer, and he smiles.

“Sure, if you’re offering.” Without another word you grab the bag he’s struggling with and motion for him to lead the way. He pushes the diner doors open and makes his way towards the nicest car in the lot. He uses his one free finger to pry open the door to the back door and places the bags on the seats. You offer him the one in your hands and he adds that one to the pile.

“Thanks,” Steve says, and you can’t help but mirror the smile he has. You don’t respond but give him a single nod and turn back towards the diner doors. You can see your order sitting on the counter, the waitress must’ve called your name while you were out here.

You look back at the handsome stranger as you reach the doors. You can see him look at you through his mirrors as well. You lift your hand in a small wave and he smiles once more as he speeds out of the parking lot and down the street into the night.

When Steve gets back to his house, arms full of bags and a smile he can’t seem to shake, he pushes open the doors and is immediately met with a handful of gangly teens each grabbing at the bags in his arms. He lets them take them and makes his way towards the living room where the other adults closer to his age lay sprawling across the couch.

“You don’t look nearly as grumpy as you normally do after a Rocket’s run,” Robin observes.

“I think I found a good reason to not mind as much” He replies not giving too much away about his encounter with the beautiful young woman who helped him with the food. Not knowing that you were sitting alone in your room across town, thinking something very similar to yourself. Maybe you’ll have to make late-night Rocket’s runs more often. You want to see the pretty stranger named Steve one more time, after all. You never told him your name.

#plus size reader #plus size!reader #fluff #fanfic #x reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x fem #flufftober #fictober23 #steve harrington x plus size reader #steve harrington x plussize!reader

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nentofus · 1 year

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okay to like / reblog / tag / save / whatever!

thought i should pop my personal prompt list for this year's OC-tober here! for ease of reading, the prompt list is as follows:

The Introduction Week 1. Newest OC 2. Your favourite OC 3. OC who gets the most love 4. OC who needs a little more love 5. Show some Pride 🏳️‍🌈 6. Your favourite ship (romantic, platonic, found family, any relationship!) 7. Draw over an IRL picture - Alternate option: OC you'd most want to meet IRL

Appearance Week 8. Extra appendages (like extra limbs, eyes, etc.) 9. New hairstyle / New outfit 10. Gloves or socks? 11. Swimsuit 12. Mascot costume / Cursed outfit 13. Crossdressing 14. Wearing something from your culture!

Aesthetics Week 15. Cyberpunk - Alternate option: Vapourwave 16. Cottagecore - Alternate option: Lolita 17. Galaxy - Alternate option: Ocean / Forest 18. Monochrome / Noir - Alternate option: Light academia / Dark academia 19. Neon / Eyestrain - Alternate option: 2000s scene kid / Hot Topic emo 20. Rockabilly / 50s - Alternate option: Ah Beng / Ah Lian (lol) 21. Your favourite aesthetic - Alternate option: Your least favourite aesthetic

Fun Week 22. Song redraw 23. Collab cafe item 24. Limited palette 25. Family Feud 26. Idol / Band subunit 27. Fake screenshot 28. Barbenheimer

The End Half-Week 29. Your OC with a canon character 30. Your comfort zone / comfort character 31. Halloween costume dressup - Alternate option: Guts & glory / Free day!

I'll be putting the explanations for a couple of these under a read-more so that those who aren't interested can skip the rest of my blathering! Feel free to ask questions if y'all like! My ask box + the replies on this post are always open :D

---

General - I wanted to make another self-indulgent prompt list this year for OC-tober so I did :3 - If you do feel like following along, remember that your health, comfort and motivation come first! Do as much as you want or as little as you want, or feel free to mix up the order or skip the prompts you don't like! - The alternate options were added because 1. I'm indecisive and 2. If a certain prompt doesn't appeal to you, then there's another choice! - I always have OCs on the brain so if you want to mention/tag me in your posts please do! I'll be responding under my main blog @complementary-oxymorons due to the interaction limitations of side blogs + wanting to keep my art blog as my personal art archive.

About the prompts - I understand that some prompts can be a bit confusing so I'll try to preemptively explain some! - Day 7: Draw over an IRL picture - For some ideas, it could be like drawing your OCs on a picture of a beach as if they're there having fun! Or maybe you could draw little chibis of your OCs sitting on your shoulder / messing with your hand while you draw :D (please do be mindful about the risks that come with uploading IRL photos though!). If you're concerned about privacy but still want to involve your "IRL self" in the piece, a possibility is to fully re-draw / trace over the reference photo you took! - Day 10: Gloves or socks - Yeah this is just me finding an excuse to draw my OCs who wear gloves or draw them in some super cute socks / stockings. Which team are you on? - Day 20 alternate: Ah Beng / Ah Lian - I thought it'd be funny because someone put it on Aesthetics Wiki (link). To those who have ah beng in ur neighbourhood just put portable speaker escooter tattoo slipper can liao also if yall know the typical ah beng spotify songs can tell me pls ok xiexie i only know 小幸运 and heng ong huat - Day 22: Song redraw - Some ideas could be redrawing your OCs on album art, or adapting them into the visuals of a song as if they're covering it! (Like how vtubers do hehe) - Day 23: Collab cafe item - Create a food or drink item that represents your OC! Some IPs (anime, games, etc.) collaborate with IRL cafes to create a themed menu which runs for a limited time only. The items on the menu tend to be references to the IP and its characters (e.g. an orange-haired character in the game gets a menu item that's an orange soda with decorative sprinkles, or a character who loves curry gets a menu item that's a special curry dish, something like that). If you're still unsure, google stuff like "collab cafe"! - Day 25: Family Feud - Feel free to redraw your favourite Family Feud clip as your OCs because there are a lot of strong contenders kekdog - Day 28: Barbenheimer - Exactly what it is! Feel free to draw your OCs dressing up to go to either movie or something. - Day 31 alternate: Guts & glory - This one's for those who prefer a more bloody Halloween :D Feel free to gore it up in any way you like. Plush, candy, flower, extra visceral... get those guts some air!!!

#prompts #oc-tober #oc-tober 2023 #little chats

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i23kazu · 8 months

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genshinblr january ebg 2024

players, you know the rules. the game lasts till 26 jan 10pm gmt+8. sabotage each other, make new friends, form alliances, break them, create bloodshed! it's up to you. contact me if you have any queries.

the rules.

the game will run from 19 to 26 january 2024 ! it will be hosted by me :)

participants are not allowed to interact with their original biases. their original biases do not exist to them during this game.

reblogging things with / directly responding to things that contain your original bias' / their name will incur a strike !

participants may reply to asks containing their original bias' name, but must not say it / describe the bias in any way.

sabotaging others who have the same bias is allowed , but you are not allowed to say the bias' name, or describe them in any way. they do not exist to you. if you can figure out a way to still sabotage someone who has them... you're most welcome to.

participants have 3 lives ! with each strike, one life dies. 3 strikes, and the player loses the game.

during this ebg, you can earn points by creating things about your assigned bias. (eg. if my assigned bias is kaeya, and if i write something for kaeya (200+ words), i'll get 500 points!)

tag me (@i23kazu) when you create something! i'll assign you your points. each piece of work is standard with 500 points. use the tag #genshinblr january ebg 2024 so that i can track it better !

players and non-players are allowed to sabotage each other with asks . a list with everybody's original biases will be released ! please go ham !

non-players, i am counting on you to help me check on the players !!!!

yes , you are allowed to reblog the original bias list post at the start of the game even though it has your og bias name on it . reblogging it midway through the game will earn you a strike .

url changes are not necessary , but theme changes ( if it has your original bias ) are ! players are given 24 hours to change their themes , if their original theme is of their original bias — only when the game starts . after the 24 hour limit is up , players who still have their original bias as their theme will earn a strike . if your original theme is not about your original bias, there is no need to change it .

players who lose the game will earn a forfeit that will have to be performed at the end of the event ♡

about points.

500 points are awarded as a standard for each creation. for writing, it should be 200 words minimum, and for art, it should be lineart minimum. for edits, it'll be at my discretion! each piece should have some effort put into it – not just created for the sake of earning points .

players can use their points from creations to strike people ! each strike costs 1000 points . each player is limited to one earnable, redeemable , and giftable strike each day . just send me an ask to strike someone !

players will be able to spend 2000 points to heal themselves as well ! the heals have no limit per day – as long as you can fork up 2000 points, you get the heal !

for 2000 points , players can redeem one hour to be free from ebg , starting from the period of time when i approve the redemption . the hour is consecutive and cannot be split up into different periods . this one hour can only be redeemed ONCE in the entirety of the whole game , and has to be approved by me first before starting the period . if players start the hour without me knowing, they will earn a strike .

players.

format: player | points | strikes

@jingyuansbird |

@dumbificat |

@dxy-drxxm |

@rainswept |

@abyssmal-skies |

@realkavehgf |

@staretes |

@meidnightrain |

@addictedtoreverse1999 |

@sleepypengwin |

@ryuryuryuyurboat |

@risustravelogue |

@xcyphoz0a | 500 pts

@the-white-void |

@mikudoodles |

@crystalflygeo |

@relianascara |

@i-probably-sleep-too-much |

@faesther |

@chaoffee |

@haliyarobin |

@moonltwltz |

@starglitterz |

@snobwaffles |

@tokyodriftt |

@cerberuscaeli |

@kazumist |

#[📍regular broadcast!]#genshinblr january ebg 2024

29 notes · View notes

politemagic · 3 months

Note

Please tell me more about Alpha Wolf. pleaseeee all of the thoughts

okay. first thing's first, i love those guys with my whole heart. they all just seem like such great dudes, who genuinely love what they do and have a good time performing together & interacting with their fans. (mitch has responded to my silly replies to his ig stories before and just let me tell you that man is a treasure and i adore him)

the songs i think i think about the most are the "golden fate" songs. there's three, Golden Fate; Water Break, Golden Fate; Gut Ache, and Golden Fate; Isolate. the first two are from their first album Mono, but Isolate is from A Quiet Place to Die, and i just think they're incredibly powerful songs. god i might cry writing this

i listen to each song as a stage of grief, following the suicide of someone you loved (presumably a partner), and then if you want to absolutely decimate yourself emotionally you can follow all of them up with listening to Don't Ask... But I think the story can be pretty well summed up with these lyrics:

Golden Fate; Water Break - anger

you were my everything and you knew it / what did i do for this to be given? / no longer bound to this earth / no longer with me in remission

Golden Fate; Gut Ache - bargaining

i never thought you would let go / your perceived strength, was it all for show? / i know it was hard for you / and when i gave up you gave up too

Golden Fate; Isolate - acceptance

i try to make sense of it / put myself in your shoes, forever chasing a different outcome / it doesn't matter in the end / you're gone, never coming back

it's not necessarily cut and dry, but neither is grief. there's sprinklings of all of it throughout all three, but they just. i think about them a lot, as someone who has been the suicidal one in a relationship before, and listening to it from the other side is both heart wrenching but also helpful, in a way, for my own healing.

and as i said, you can follow it up with Don't Ask... which is a song i have to put on consciously, I cannot listen to it unprompted or i will become a blubbering mess.

i should've said it more, i love you, i always will / i should've paid more attention / but everything moves so fast / when you're on the edge of your own breakdown

which??? in combination with the line "when i gave up you gave up too" makes me want to rip my heart out of my chest. this whole song is so, so, so incredibly painful. it's an incredible song, amazing lyrics, excellent performance, but once you really listen to it... you can hardly stand to listen to it (and i mean that in the best way possible)

anyways, i love them. i love them so much. and their music is so incredibly important to me, i cannot even express it. their music makes the horrors go away, which is all i can ever ask.

if you're interested in learning a little more like, actual information, i'll direct you to this post i made a while ago!! (well, technically i'm directing you to a reblog of the post i made but i think it has valuable information!)

#rae i am kissing you on the mouth (platonically and respectfully) thank you for asking i hope this was not too much information #i genuinely love this band so much i could talk about them forever but i will leave you with these thoughts for now <3 #BUT IF YOU EVER WANT MORE YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME!!!!!#em answers!#stonedstargazer666 #alpha wolf #alpha wolf band #tw suicide

8 notes · View notes

sequinsmile-x · 1 year

Text

200

It's a normal case, or as normal as a case gets for them, right up until it isn't.

-x-

Hi besties!

As the title of the fic may suggest, this is my 200th fic!!! Which is insane and amazing and just about everything in between. I just want to take a moment to say thank you to all of you. To anyone who has ever read, commented, reblogged, left kudos or interacted with my work at all.

It is a real pleasure of mine to continue coming up with new ways to write these two being idiots in love for you all, and I'll be here continuing to do so as long as you're all here reading.

So, this is kind of a thank you to all of you. A true Vic special, and I hope you enjoy it.

Please let me know what you think <3

Here's to the next 200 I guess!!

-x-

Words: 7.5k

Warnings: Canon typical violence, Emily Prentiss Whump

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily yawns as she pours two cups of coffee, the smell alone enough to push away the final remnants of sleep. She stirs Splenda into the cup intended for her, and is just about to take a sip when her phone rings. She pulls it from her pocket and smiles when she sees Penelope’s name on the screen as expected, her own version of the same call that pulled her and Aaron out of bed only 30 minutes prior.

“Hi Pen,” she says as she answers, smiling as she feigns ignorance, “Please tell me you’re calling this early just to hear my voice and not because we have a case.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you peaches, but it is for a case,” Penelope replies, sounding far too awake for the time of day, “Hotch has asked for you all to meet at the jet as soon as you can, it��s scheduled for take off in an hour.”

Emily smiles as she feels arms wrap around her from behind, large, warm palms that had become a source of comfort to her for months settling on her abdomen as he pulls her backwards. She leans back into him, settling into the embrace she knew she wouldn’t get enough of over the coming days.

“Typical Hotch,” she replies, more for the sake of Aaron than her friend, her enjoyment in winding him up never-ending, “He doesn’t understand us mere humans need sleep.” She barely covers a laugh as he pulls her even closer in retribution, his lips against her neck as she bats at him.

“Are you ok, Em?”

“I’m fine, Pen,” she says, turning her head to narrow her eyes at her boyfriend, “You know how needy Sergio can be first thing in the morning,” Aaron smiles at her and winks. She shakes her head at him, only half listening as Penelope talks about how much she misses Sergio, “Well,” Emily says turning in Aaron’s embrace, leaving her pressed between him and the kitchen counter, “He’ll have to come to stay with you one weekend.” She has to pull the phone away from her ear because of the responding squeal, something that has even Aaron wincing, and she draws the call to a close, “Thanks for the call Pen, speak to you when we’re in the air.”

As she hangs up she feels Aaron’s hands trail up her back, and she raises an eyebrow at him. His only response is lean down and kiss her, capturing any chastisement before she can say it. She smiles into the kiss and wraps her arms around his neck, letting herself enjoy every moment when it was just the two of them before they had to pretend they weren’t together.

It had been three months since their first date, and it still made her smile when she thought about how uncharacteristically nervous he seemed when he asked her out. They’d been close since her return from Paris. Aaron didn’t expect anything from her other than her honesty, something that the others never seemed quite ready to bear. He understood what it was to face your monster and come back from it different, to feel changed and yet so desperate to fit back into your old life. A square peg in a round hole. They were building something new together, a life they both fit into, and she knew this was it for both of them. That they loved each other.

Even though neither of them had said it outloud yet. It didn’t worry her, she didn’t need the words, and she knew they were both a little gunshy after everything life had thrown at them.

She knew he loved her. It was clear. She could see it in his eyes, the way he’d look at her when it was just them and Jack, as if she was the answer to a question he didn’t know he’d been asking his whole life. She felt the same way about him and for the first time her future seemed mapped out in front of her, everything certain after decades of not knowing what she wanted she now knew. She wanted him.

“You,” she says, pressing her lips to his again before she pulls away, “are playing a dangerous game Aaron Hotchner.”

“I can’t help myself,” he replies, kissing her cheek before he reaches past her to pick up the coffee she’d poured for him. She shakes her head at him and hums in response, “We should get going soon.”

She nods, “You head off and I’ll follow,” she says, smiling at him as he wraps his arms around her, “One day we can drive in together.”

The secrecy was purely practical at first whilst they figured out all of the details, although she couldn’t deny that she also found some enjoyment in sneaking around with him, but she knew it was time to tell the team. The family they had both found in the most unlikely of places.

“We’ll tell them when we get back from this case,” he assures her as if reading her mind as he kisses her once more before stepping away from her. He finishes his coffee and places his empty mug in her kitchen sink, “Then we won’t have to hide anymore.”

She smiles at him, “I like the sound of that.”

“Me too,” he replies, picking his go bag up from near her front door. She feels words she’s been resisting for weeks now trying to break free. Words she knows will one day be something they exchange whenever they part ways, a greeting and a goodbye of sorts that would never lose its meaning, no matter how much they said it.

“Aaron,” she says, and he turns back to look at her, his key to her apartment in his hand as their eyes meet. She loses her nerve, a ridiculous need for the words to mean something the first time stopping her, and she smiles, “See you on the jet.”

He smiles in response, and she can’t help but wonder if he’s seen right through her like he always seemed to, “See you on the jet, sweetheart.”

___

Aaron clears his throat to cover a smile as Emily walks onto the jet. Their eyes meet as she places her bag in the overhead storage before she takes a seat next to him at the table, the only space left by the team.

“Nice of you to join us, Prentiss,” he says, maintaining a straight face as she flicks her eyes to him, her hands grasping at the file JJ passes her as she sits down.

“Sorry, sir,” she replies, purposely pressing her thigh into his for a moment, her scent briefly overwhelming him, “It won’t happen again,” she turns to look at him, her eyebrow raised, “Sergio was being a pest this morning.”

He smiles at her, a flash of a thing he knows only she will see. The team make small talk as the plane is prepared for take-off, and he can’t help but be distracted by her the entire time, highly aware of her presence in a way, if he was honest with himself, he always had been. He feels like a spectator as she smiles and jokes with their friends, her smile something he could see his future in.

He was in love with her. It was a type of love that went deep, so much a part of him now he didn’t remember how it felt to not love her. He wanted to tell her. He had done a couple of times when she was asleep, her body pressed up against his, but he always lost his nerve when she was awake. He knew she was the same, that she loved him but struggled to find the words, but they had time. Time to figure it out, to get through the things from their pasts that were holding them both back.

When they are in the air he pulls the file up on his table, a silent sign to the team that it was time to get started.

“I don’t know how much Garcia told you when she called,” he says, watching as the rest of the team, Emily included, open their files too, “The local police in Ferndale, California have asked for our assistance with what appears to be a serial murder case.”

“Four women, all fitting the same description, in positions of power in their jobs, killed in the same way,” Dave says, sighing, “That’s a lot for a town with a population of less than 2,000.”

“Exactly,” Aaron replies, “That’s why we’ve been called in. They don’t have the resources for one murder let alone four, and the similarities between the victims were enough to convince the Section Chief we were needed.”

Emily hums and flicks onto the next screen on her tablet, “All women in their late 30s or early 40s, all…” She drifts off as she’s confronted with the images of the driving licence of the victims. They were all brunettes with dark eyes and striking features. All of them tall, or at least tall for a woman, and seemingly single. They all looked like her. She clears her throat and looks up at JJ who was sitting opposite her, and it was only the expectant look on her face that makes Emily realise she’d stopped midway through a sentence, “All similar looking.”

“Clearly this guy has a type,” Derek adds, blowing out a breath, “They must remind him of someone.”

“His mother or a girlfriend,” Spencer says, flipping through his paper files, “It’s the most common replacement that killers of this type are looking for. The career choices of these women seem to be important too, we have a doctor, a lawyer, the principal of the local high school and a cop.”

“The police officer is different, Officer Taylor,” Aaron says, frowning, his eyes lingering on the pictures of the victims, the similarity to the woman he loved making his stomach churn, “She was new, a beat cop, who hadn’t had the chance to climb the ranks like the other victims.”

“He still took a trophy though as he did with the others,” Derek says, “Her police badge.”

“Maybe that one was personal?” JJ offers, “She was known to him maybe?”

Aaron nods, “That’s a good place to start,” he says, “When we land JJ you go speak to Officer Taylor’s family and see if there is any information that can be gained from that, the rest of us will go straight to the precinct and set up.”

He looks back at the victim's pictures, the way they’d been left in the street like they were nothing, their humanity stripped from them, and his heart feels like it is in his throat. He only has to close his eyes to be able to picture Emily in the same way, memories of what he’d seen in Boston twisting together with the images in front of him to bring his worst fears back to life.

He’d already lost one woman he loved, he refused to do it again.

He turns to Emily and hopes he sounds more sure than he feels, “I want you partnered with me on this one Prentiss,” he says, watching as her eyes flash with confusion as she looks towards Derek, “Derek can be with Dave.”

Her tongue peeks out to lick at her bottom lip, and she swallows down fury she knows isn’t fair. They all would have seen it, the way she fit the victim's profile, and she knew all he would want to do was protect her, no matter how misguided that might be.

“Aa…Hotch there's no need-” She catches her use of his first name fast enough that she hopes the others don’t notice, but he cuts over her before she can finish.

“It’s not up for debate.”

He stares at her, and a flash of him, of her Aaron, peeks through from behind the Hotch mask, and she sighs, “Of course, sir.”

She meets Derek’s eyes and he furrows his brows at her and she shakes her head, asking him silently to drop what she was sure would be further questioning. She hopes they can resolve this case quickly, and that the heavy feeling in her stomach was nothing more than misplaced caution.

___

For two days it feels like they are getting nowhere.

Despite it being a small town, the victims don’t know each other. Two of them had gone to high school together but were barely acquaintances, and one had moved to town when she married her, distraught, husband. Officer Tayor was still an outlier, a choice from the unsub that made little sense beyond the fact she matched the physical description of the other victims.

Her partner, Officer Johnson, said she was a good cop. Kind. That she’d go the extra mile for the people of their town and those she tried to help.

It didn’t make sense, and everyone was getting frustrated.

“How are we ever going to catch this guy,” Emily asks, rubbing her hands over her face as she looks at the crime scene photos again, still internally grimacing as she looked at the women who could be mistaken for a relative of hers, “Nothing about this makes sense.”

“I have an idea,” Dave says, sighing, “But I don’t like it.”

Aaron turns from where he’d been looking at the board they’d pulled together and he looks at the older man, “What is it, Dave?”

Dave stands up, his hands in his pockets as he paces the room, “We can talk around it as much as we want, but we have someone in this room who fits the victimology perfectly-”

“Absolutely not,” Aaron says, cutting Dave off before he can even say it, his chest tightening at the mere idea of putting Emily in danger.

“Now, wait a second-” Emily starts, her shackles rising at his dismissal of Dave’s idea, and she doesn’t know if Aaron is reacting as her boyfriend or her boss.

“We are not using you as bait, Emily,” he says, her first name slipping out as he looks at her. If the others think it’s odd they don’t say anything, all of their emotions high after a couple of days of no progress.

“It’s not like she hasn’t done it before,” Derek says, an attempt to reason with Aaron that falls short when his words register in his head at the same time as everyone else's. Emily looks at him, her eyes flashing with hurt and he curses under his breath, “Shit, Em that’s not-”

“I’m not saying we put her out here in a short dress with a flashing light over her head that says ‘free to kidnap,’” Dave says, his own irritation clear, “But if we let her take the lead with the press, put her face on the local news as the Federal Agent who is going to take this guy down we might draw him out.”

“I said no,” Aaron says as if Dave hadn’t spoken, “We need another plan. Not that one.”

“Now hang on-” Emily chimes in, frowning at him, but he cuts her off again.

“I said no,” he repeats, shouting at her in a way that gains the attention of the officers on the other side of the glass partition. He blows out a shaky breath and looks around the room before he walks towards the door with purpose, “Excuse me.”

The room falls into silence after he leaves, the team slightly shellshocked by how quickly an argument had escalated, and Emily sighs, shaking her head before she follows him out, a half-formed excuse over her shoulder to the team as she goes.

She finds him quickly, well aware of how his brain works, and she walks into the supply closet he’d shut himself into. She pulls the door closed behind her before she turns to look at him. She studies him, sees the tension in his shoulders as his eyes are fixed on her floor, and she presses her lips into a tight line.

“Are you ok?” She asks her concern for him, her love for him, overriding anything else, even her irritation. He nods in response and she rolls her eyes, “Aaron.”

He looks up at her and nods again, “Yeah. I will be I just need a minute.”

They fall into a brief silence and she crosses her arms over her chest and looks him up and down, choosing her words carefully so she doesn’t start a fight with him in the supply closet of a small town police precinct.

“Would you…” she sighs, biting the inside of her cheek, “Would you be this resistant to Dave’s idea if we weren’t together?”

The question feels like a kick to the gut and he puts his hands on his hips as he considers his answer. He knows he’s reacting emotionally, that he’s allowing how he feels for her to cloud his judgement, but he knows it's not because they are together. He wouldn’t risk any of them at this stage yet, not when so many things were still unclear.

“We don’t have enough information,” he replies, staring at her, “If there was someone out there going after people who looked like Dave I wouldn’t put him in that position yet.”

There’s a moment of silence and then she laughs, and he can’t help but join in, the noise a siren sound to him. “Well,” she replies, “mores the pity,” they settle down and smile at each other, the small gap between them feeling like miles. She reaches out and links her fingers through his, squeezing his hand before she lets go, well aware anyone could come along at any moment, “I’m ok, Aaron. And once we have the profile-”

“Once we have the full profile we will reassess,” he says, clearing his throat, “I will reassess.”

She nods and smiles at him, “Thank you,” she places her hand on his arm, “Everything will be ok.”

He nods and she leaves, giving him a moment alone, and he just hopes she’s right.

___

It’s dark when she steps outside for some fresh air, her mind as worn out as her body was. The lack of sleep from working ungodly hours on this case getting to her. She blows out a steady breath as the cool air hits her, refreshing in a way it rarely felt in the city. She leans against the alley wall behind the precinct, and she looks up to look at the stars, wishing she’d brought her phone with her so she could pull out the constellation app Aaron had made her download on one of their recent dates to check what she should be looking for.

She loses track of time a little as she looks at the stars, and idly thinks about making sure her, Aaron and Jack went somewhere soon where you could see them like this. She turns to head back inside and walks straight into somebody, everything in their hands flying across the alley floor. She looks up and sees it’s Officer Johnson, his eyes wide as if he hadn’t anticipated anyone to be out here.

“Oh shit, sorry,” she says, bending down to help him pick up what he’d dropped.

“No need to help Agent Prentiss,” he says, an edge of panic to his voice, “I’ve got it.”

“Don’t be silly,” she assures him, “It’s my fault,” she picks up a police badge, frowning as she looks at the number, “091220,” she says, “Isn’t that Officer Taylor’s badge number?” She starts to stand up straight, “I thought the unsub-”

She’s cut off by the click of the safety of a gun being turned off, and she looks up to find Officer Johnson pointing a gun at her, “I told you, I didn’t need help.” She reaches for her gun but he shakes his head, his finger sneaking closer to the trigger, “No, I don’t think so,” he says, “You’re coming with me.”

“You should think about this carefully,” she says, putting her hands up, wishing beyond anything that she had her phone, or that someone from the team would come looking for her, “I’m a Federal Agent, this won’t end well for you.”

“I think that ship has sailed,” he says, his nervousness giving way to something more chilling, an emptiness to his eyes she couldn’t have expected even moments ago, “Now give me your gun, and come with me.”

She considers going for her gun anyway, her fingers twitch in the air. She was fast, she knew that, but Officer Johnson’s finger was too close to the trigger. There’s a part of her that knows that before Aaron she would have risked it, she would have taken the chance that she could at least disarm him, even if she got shot in the process, but she can’t do it. She can’t risk hurting him by putting her own life on the line unnecessarily.

Johnson makes the decision for her anyway and pistol whips her, the pain sharp against her temple as it reverberates around her head, making her dizzy as he turns her, his spare hand pulling her gun from its holster and dropping it to the floor before he twists her arm behind her back. He presses the gun into the back of her neck and she shivers as he leans in close, his breath on her neck.

“Now, walk.”

___

JJ finds her gun.

She steps outside to call Will so she can say goodnight to Henry and she spots it on the ground, the barrel catching the low light of the street lamps.

Aaron feels time slow down when it dawns on them what it means, memories he’d rather forget from just before he had to bury Emily flooding back as they realise she is missing. He yells at the lead detective when he tells him the CCTV camera over the alley is broken and had been for weeks, the one chance at a half-decent lead dead before it even really had any life. He feels on edge and useless, everything he had never told her, always sure they’d have more time, haunting him. Regrets he swore he would never allow himself to live through again after Haley died threatening to drown him.

He paces the conference room, his senses overwhelmed as the local cops mobilise, a missing Federal Agent the thing they had seemingly needed to light the fire under them. Despite how quickly he can see them working it doesn’t seem like enough, their urgency not matching with his. To them, all they could see were the potential headlines - that the FBI came to help and got caught in the crossfire. They didn’t care about Emily as he did.

They didn’t love her.

They didn’t know how she took her coffee, or how she liked to snuggle at night, something she had sworn him to secrecy over. They didn’t know she cried at the kid's movies she watched with Jack, or that, despite their jobs, gory movies made her cringe.

He can feel all the love he has for her bubbling up as anger, spilling out from him as he grunts in frustration.

“They aren’t working fast enough.”

“They are doing the best they can, Hotch,” JJ tries to reason with him, “We decided we’d stay here in case the kidnapper called.”

“It’s not good enough,” he shouts, his voice a roar that carries out into the main bullpen. He shakes his head and clears his throat, “It’s just not good enough.”

“Hotch,” Derek says, trying to keep his cool, “You need to calm down. The last time I saw you like this…” he drifts off and Aaron sighs as he watches the final pieces click into place on the other man’s face, and he shakes his head, “Damn it.”

Spencer frowns, his confusion clear as it briefly takes over his concern, “What's happening? The last time you saw Hotch like what?”

Derek crosses his arms, his jaw tight as he locks eyes with Aaron, “The last time he was this het up was when Foyet had Haley.” Aaron clenches his fists at the comparison, at the mention of his ex-wife's name, and he shakes his head.

“But that doesn’t make sense,” Spencer says, “They-”

“Emily and Hotch are together,” Dave cuts over him, as he looks at Aaron, “How long?”

Aaron sighs, “It’s not important right no-”

“How long?” Derek all but demands, his fury rising and Aaron feels his matching in tempo, their emotions rising as all too familiar feelings of fear for Emily’s safety take hold.

“Three months,” Aaron answers, swallowing thickly, pushing down bile that attempts to rise at the thought of that being all the time he ever got with her, “We’ve been together for three months.”

JJ chokes out a laugh, “Pen kept saying she thought Em was with someone, but we had no idea it was you.”

Derek shakes his head, “Why is it whenever she goes missing we find out she’s been fucking someone she shouldn’t be?”

The room falls into silence, Derek’s fury suffocating everything else in the room. Aaron feels frozen on the spot, weighed down by anger that greets him like an old friend. He clenches his fists and turns to look at Derek, his jaw so tight he can almost hear Emily joking about the wear on his teeth, her usual quips about buying him a retainer floating around his head.

“What did you just say?” Aaron asks, turning slowly. Derek seems to realise he’s crossed a line, regret flashing in his eyes, but he doesn’t back down, squaring up to his boss like he couldn’t fire him on the spot. “What did you say?”

Dave steps in between them, a hand on each of their chests, “This isn’t-”

“What gives you the right-”

“Both of you, shut the fuck up,” Dave shouts, cutting over Derek before he can chastise Aaron, before he can try to make something that is precious to him sound anymore seedy than he already has, “This isn’t helping, and it certainly won’t help us find Emily.” He turns to Aaron, “Go make a coffee and come back,” and he turns to Derek, “Go talk a walk. Get some fresh air and sort your head out.”

“But-”

Dave presses his hand into his chest a little firmer, “Go take a walk.”

Derek looks past him again to Aaron, both of their faces stern before they do as instructed. Derek stalks off without looking back, and Aaron turns to head towards the kitchen before Dave stops him.

“Aaron?”

He turns to look at his friend, furrowing his brow when Dave offers him a half smile, odd and out of place in the otherwise still tense room.

“What?”

Dave shakes his head, “It’s about damn time.”

___

Emily does her best to keep track of where she’s being taken but her head hurts too much to fully concentrate. She knows he’s taken her out of the main part of town, the streets pitch black.

They come to a stop next to a barn, the building barely discernible against the dark sky. Johnson pulls her out of the car, his hand so tight around her arm that she’s sure it will leave bruises, another brand of violence left behind on her skin by a man just because he could. He drags her inside, and into a back room. He switches on a light that barely illuminates the room, forcing her to squint so she can look around.

The room is barren, void of anything except walls that seemed to be made from rotting wood and the solitary lightbulb that hung from the ceiling. She spots dark patches on the floor, stains left behind by what she knows is blood if the iron smell lingering in the air was anything to go by.

“Is this where you brought them?” She asks, saying the first words either of them had spoken since he’d led her towards his car. She turns to look at him, her eyes now adjusted to the low light enough to see that his nervous energy had returned, a clear sign that he had no plan, that he was doing this because she’d accidentally caught him out, not because he had intentions of taking her, “Is this where you brought the others?”

He stares at her and throws his handcuffs onto the floor, the sound of them scratching across the ground echoing around them.

“Put those on,” he demands, staring at her. She looks at him, her arms crossed over her chest, and he sighs, pointing his gun at her again, “Put them on. And get on the ground.”

Emily sighs, knowing that she just had to buy enough time for the team to find her. She had no doubt that they would, Johnson was clearly not the mastermind they thought he was and had likely left a trail of breadcrumbs for them to follow. She just had to stay alive long enough for it to mean something.

She had to stay alive long enough to tell Aaron that she loved him, and that meant complying with what Johnson wanted.

“Ok,” she says, kneeling down on the floor and reaching for the cuffs, securing them around her own wrists, “Did you know any of them? Apart from Officer Taylor,” she asks, looking back up at him, pulling at the cuffs to show they were on properly, “You look about the same age as the first two, did you go to school with them?”

“They were always stuck-up bitches,” he says, shaking his head, his voice full of venom, “They didn’t even acknowledge me in high school then they went off to college, came back even more up their own asses,” he clenches his fist, his anger visceral and clear, “And that other bitch, she turned me down. Claimed she was happily married but I could tell she wanted me.”

Her stomach turns at how he refers to the women he killed, like they’d been nothing more of an inconvenience, and fear starts to simmer in her veins, “And Taylor?”

He shakes his head and scoffs, “She got a little too close. She realised I knew them all. It was only a matter of time.”

“So you killed her?”

“She was just like the rest of you,” he shouts, turning to look at her, his hand tight around the handle of his gun, “Full of yourselves. So self-assured, while guys like me just get left behind.”

She swallows thickly, trying to adjust where she was sitting, her knees already aching from pressing into the hard floor, “It isn’t too late to just take me back. We can talk to my boss and-”

“You mean your boyfriend?”

It shocks her, stunning her into silence for a moment before she regains her composure, “What?”

“I’ve been watching you,” he says, and it takes everything to maintain her facade, to look unaffected when the way he looks at her makes her want to scrub her skin until it hurts, “I saw the two of you in the supply closet, you looked cosy. You’re always looking at each other.”

She blows out a breath before she replies, “He’ll find us,” she says, purposely not confirming or denying what he’d said, her voice full of nothing but confidence, “It’s only a matter of time, and it would be better if-”

“Stop telling me what to do,” he shouts, his hand shaking as he points the gun at her, and she nods sharply, closing her mouth firmly. He backs out of the room, his gun still trained on her, “Stay here, otherwise that boyfriend of yours will find your body in the same place they found the others.”

He slams the door closed, and she hears it lock from the other side. She listens as his footsteps get quieter, indicating he’d walked away, and she shuffles across the floor to lean against the wall, her knees protesting as she straightens her legs out in front of her.

The team would find her. He would find her.

He had to. ___

None of them sleep. Part of him knows she’d be furious at them all, even though she’d do the same if she was in their position. It would make him laugh, her lack of self-preservation, if it wasn’t the root of his concern.

By the time the sun rises, he's exhausted, shrugging Dave off as he tries to suggest he goes back to the hotel for a few hours. Her things were in his room, her pjyamas under one of the pillows on his bed. He couldn’t sleep without her, the sound of the soft snoring she always denied was her in the morning his favourite lullaby.

“It doesn’t make any sense.”

Spencer’s voice brings Aaron back to the room, his focus sharp once again as he turns in his chair to look at his team, “What doesn’t make sense Reid?”

Spencer sighs and shakes his head, his eyes still fixed on the case board, “Emily was a spy. She’s well-trained,” he turns to look at the rest of them, “She couldn’t just be taken by anybody.”

“So you think it’s more than one guy?” Derek asks, his voice void of all of the fight that had been in it earlier.

“Or someone she didn’t think she had to be on alert around,” Dave says, standing up straight, shaking his head as he figures it out, “It’s a goddamn cop.”

Aaron clears his throat and nods, “That makes sense,” he says, “She would have trusted him, or at least wouldn’t have considered him a threat,” he stands up, with adrenaline he doesn’t expect flooding his body, “What was the name of Officer Taylor’s partner?”

“Officer Johnson,” Spencer says, his eyes going wide, “I heard one of the other cops saying he called in sick. He came in for less than an hour last night and then left.”

There’s a moment of silence as the realisation washes over all of them, the air in the room somehow thicker than it had been since they first realised Emily was missing. It’s broken as Derek shakes his head.

“That son of a bitch.”

It snaps Aaron back into action and he looks at JJ, “Call Garcia, get everything you can on this Officer Johnson. Financials. Property. Assets. I need everything.”

“Right away, Hotch,” she says, her phone already out of her pocket as she dials the familiar number.

Aaron feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to find Dave standing behind him, “We’ll get her back Aaron,” he says, squeezing his shoulder, “And then you’ll both have a lot to explain.”

Aaron half-heartedly chuckles, the sound catching in his chest, “Once she’s safe, I’ll tell you everything.”

Dave raises an eyebrow at him, both of them turning to look at JJ as she says she’s got something, a property on the edge of town, before their eyes meet again, “Everything?”

“Ok,” Aaron says, reaching for his bulletproof vest, “Maybe not everything.”

___

He pays no attention to Officer Johnson as Derek kicks the door down and almost simultaneously fires a bullet that disarms him, his gun clattering to the floor as he reaches for the wound in his shoulder.

All of Aaron’s focus is on Emily as their eyes meet across the mostly dark room, and he releases a breath he’d been holding since he’d last seen her. It had only been a few hours but it had felt like days.

His knees hit the ground when he reaches her side, the crack of them echoing around them but he doesn’t feel them as he cups her face, tilting it as he looks at the cut on her forehead, making her sigh as he touches her like she’s made of glass.

She feels like she might, her body aching from sitting on the hard floor all night, and her wrists sore from the cuffs.

“Are you ok?” He asks, an edge of desperation in his voice, and she nods despite the ache in her head and lets him fuss over her, burying her face in his neck as she breathes him in. He moves her head, a hand on each of her cheeks as he rests his forehead against hers. “I love you.” The words escape without him meaning them to, surprising both of them equally as she huffs out a laugh, her breath skipping across his cheek, “Em, I-”

“I love you too,” she replies, closing her eyes as she takes a moment to try and slow down her breathing, basking in the comfort she always found in him, “I love you so much.” She hears someone clearing their throat and she opens her eyes to look past him, her eyes meeting Derek’s. She sees something in them that she doesn’t understand, her head too sore and her brain too tired to try and figure it out, and she pulls back to look at Aaron, “Can you undo my cuffs?”

He nods, shouting a request for keys from one of the local cops over his shoulder, something he’s given within seconds. He releases the cuffs and it feels like a relief as she stretches out her hands, wincing at how the raw skin of her wrists feels like it’s being pulled apart.

“Do you think you can stand?” He asks as he stands up himself. Her response is a roll of her eyes as she tries to stand up herself, falling straight into his chest as she struggles to get her footing. He wraps his arms tightly around her, holding her to him as she grasps the back of his shirt, “I’ve got you.”

She smiles at the double meaning, pressing her face into his chest as she breathes him in again. She doesn’t care about the fact the team are watching them, their curiosity making them look over every now and again in a way she hopes they don’t think is subtle, but she doesn’t care. She knew he’d blow their cover the moment he found out she was missing, and all she wants is him. To assure him she was ok, that he’d done what he hadn’t been able to do for Haley.

“Thank you for coming to rescue me,” she whispers, turning her head so only he can hear her, a private moment between the two of them even though they are in a room full of people. He holds her impossibly tighter and kisses the top of her head.

“Always, sweetheart,” he replies, pulling back to look at her as he tucks some of her hair behind her ear, “Although, let's not make a habit of it.”

She nods, her smile quickly turning to a frown as he loops one arm around her shoulder and shifts to place the other under her knees, clearly attempting to pick her up.

“What are you doing?”

“Carrying you out to the ambulance,” he says as if it was obvious, and she raises her eyebrows at him.

“Ok, there are two things wrong with that sentence.”

“Em,” he says firmly, his eyes swimming with desperation as he looks at her, “Please. You can barely stand, you clearly have a head wound and maybe a concussion. Just…let me. Please.”

She stares at him for a moment before she briefly presses her forehead to his shoulder before she looks at him again, nodding, “Ok,” she says, cupping his cheek so she can stamp a kiss to his lips, “Ok, but if you even think about complaining about your back in the coming days-”

“I won’t,” he says, lifting her up into his arms before she can change her mind. She wraps her arms around his neck and rests her head against his shoulder as he carries her outside.

Her headache gets worse the moment they step outside, the daylight bright against the pounding inside her skull. She groans and buries her face in his shirt. He heaves her closer, walking past the ambulance with Officer Johnson in with purpose, his jaw tense as he hears him complaining about the pain he was in.

“I’ve got you,” he says, repeating his words from inside as he kisses the top of her head. She hums into his shirt, her words muffled so he feels them more than he hears them.

“You always do.”

___

“I’m fine,” she says, groaning as she settles back into the hospital bed she’d been all but forced into, “This is ridiculous.”

Aaron smiles at her and lifts their joint hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles as he sits in the seat next to her bed, “Sweetheart, you have a concussion,” he says, his eyes soft as they meet hers, “And they said you needed fluids,” his eyes drift to the IV bag hanging on the other side of her bed, “It’s just one night.”

She scoffs, “I guess,” she looks him up and down, watching how his focus is on the bandages on her wrists, his thumb tracing the edge of one of them. She knows he was blaming himself, as if he’d have been able to stop what had happened even though, in the end, it was simply bad luck that had her taken by the unsub, “If I’m here all night you might as well come join me in this stupid bed.”

He sighs, his eyes drifting to the bandage on her forehead covering the stitches he’d counted as the doctor did them. The last thing he wanted to do was cause her more pain.

“Em-”

“Don’t argue with me,” she says, raising an eyebrow at him. “I’m hurt.”

Aaron chuckles mirthlessly and stands up, knowing it was a lost cause before he even tries to argue with her any further. He kisses the back of her hand once more before he lets it go.

“You play dirty.”

“You know dirty I can be,” she replies, winking at him, taking delight in his laughter as she sits up, making room for him to slip in behind her in the bed. She sighs as she settles against him, sitting in the cradle of his hips as he wraps his arms around her, careful to make sure he doesn’t disturb her IV. “That’s much better.”

“You’re definitely comfortable?” He asks, and she nods, resting her hands over his and linking their fingers together. “Sweetheart-”

“If you even think about apologising for something that isn’t your fault, honey, you’ll be in trouble,” she says, tilting her head to look at him, her smile soft as his responding sigh lets her know she was right, “He was devolving anyway, I accidentally caught him trying to throw away his trophies,” she shrugs, “It was bad luck. We would have figured it out regardless.”

He shakes his head, holding her a little tighter, “I should have protected you.”

She’s sure that on some level it should make her angry. That the feminist in her should be furious at the idea that she needed protecting, but she knows he doesn’t mean it that way. That his past always lingering just out of sight, a phantom he would never quite escape. Something that she now lived with too because she loved him.

“I don’t need you to protect me, Aaron,” she says, squeezing his hand, “This is what I need. Right here. Ok?”

He doesn’t entirely believe her, and he can’t quite shift the guilt that was still burning in his chest. He knows from experience that he’d get used to it, the sting of it fading over time, so he nods, “Ok.”

She smiles and kisses his jaw, “So,” she says, her eyes flickering with mischief, “If I’d known all it would take was getting kidnapped for you to tell me you love me, I would have done it weeks ago.”

“Em.”

“What?” She asks, feigning innocence, “Too soon?”

“Far, far too soon,” he replies, shaking his head at her, “It might always be,” he pauses for a moment, swallowing thickly before he continues, voicing the concern that had been bothering him since he said the words to her when he found her, “I mean it, you know. It wasn’t just because I was in the moment. I mean it.”

“I know,” she assures him, “I mean it too. I love you,” she says for good measure, her smile widening as he beams at her.

“I love you too,” he replies, releasing one of her hands to cup her cheek, dragging her in for a kiss. He rests his forehead against hers and sighs, “The team are going to be unbearable.”

She groans, shifting so their noses brush against each other, “Do you think you can threaten them with something to make them stop? At least until my headache has cleared?”

Aaron chuckles, and nods his forehead gently knocking against hers, “For you, sweetheart? Anything.”

-x-

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