#pls nobody feel pressured to interact with this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

juyeonszn · 8 months

Text

PRINCESS AND THE PAUPER (PT. 2)

PAIRING kevin moon x f!reader

WORD COUNT 5.60k

GENRES angst ﹒little bit of fluff ﹒little bit of smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, reader is better than me cause i would not let kevin do all the shit he’s done 😭, ANYWAY i digress, this part is very reader-centric — whereas part one is very kevin-centric, inner turmoil goes absolutely crazy, most of this fic is reader putting kevin in his place and him realizing how big of an asshole he truly is, mentions of injury (past tense), mentions of insecurity, lots of arguing, reader cries at one point or another, the smut places a very minimal role in this, but unprotected sex, public sex (the auditorium dressing room), no foreplay but wtv we fall like soldiers in battle, pussy job lowkey (high key…), creampie, lmk if i missed anything!

SUMMARY it wasn’t like you and kevin hated each other. in fact, you quite admired him despite his somewhat indifferent attitude toward you. well, now that you’re paired up for the last dance of the year, you guess it’s the perfect time to find out why.

MORE oh my god. it’s finally fucking here. A MONTH, 2 SICKNESSES AND MANY MANY STRESSFUL NIGHTS LATER— part two of princess and the pauper is here!!! i’m so sorry to those of u who have been itching and waiting on me to get ‘er done,,, it’s been an ordeal to say the least, and while it’s nearing the two month mark since the black out or back out collab was announced, SHE FINALLY FINISHED!!! for once i saw something through omg i can sleep peacefully and work on my other wips without guilt now… 😭 ALSO THANK U SO MUCH MAYA @/kimsohn FOR PUSHING ME THROUGH THIS and for making me thug it out bc without u it definitely would’ve taken much longer to finish 💔 please dont forget to read part one and the other fics in the series if u haven’t!! both are linked below! and as always, pls reblog if u enjoyed <3

PART ONE | SERIES MASTERLIST

PERM TAGLIST @winterchimez @maessseongs @itsbeeble @zzoguri @deoboyznet @cloverdaisies @vernyangel @ericlvr @sunwooverse @kimsohn

TAGLIST @millksea @deobibbang @deobi0412

Never in your life have you felt so… Confused.

It wasn’t just confusion that settled deep in the pit of your stomach. There was a sharp pain there too, like someone stabbed you and twisted the knife. That was probably the best way to describe what you were feeling. You were bleeding out, and no one was coming to save you.

Kevin wasn’t answering your calls. He wasn’t answering your texts. He ran out of the lecture hall as soon as class was over, never giving you a moment to speak to him. It was making you nervous.

You still had half of a dance to choreograph and a fuck ton of pressure riding on your back. After the last performance you and him did together, you’d have a lot of eyes on you. It most definitely wasn’t your fault that he dropped you. How many people willingly want to acquire a broken ankle? The crutches were a bitch to maneuver around with. But like every single thing that’s happened in the three years you’ve known Kevin Moon, he’s managed to place the blame on you like it was.

It was crucial that you make amends with him even if it was momentarily. Your final grades were dependent on your performance. If he couldn’t get his shit together for at least that, he was a lost cause in your mind. Not even your professor would be able to refute that fact. Actually, nobody would be able to refute that fact.

Your lips form an O as you blow the steam away from your coffee, pulling out your phone to try Kevin’s phone once again. The line rings a few times before going straight to voicemail like it has the past couple weeks. You kiss your teeth, tying your sweater around your waist as you slump in your chair. The baristas at the campus cafe were probably sick of seeing you sitting in the same high-top counter spot since the incident with Kevin in the studio.

“Y/N?”

Ji Changmin appears beside you and you click your phone off, so he wouldn’t see his friend’s contact on the screen. You give the Early Childhood Dev major a weak smile.

“Changmin! What’s up? How are you and your girlfriend?” You hope he can’t recognize the distress written all over your features. You highly doubt it, though. You can feel the wrinkles pulling at your skin.

“We’re good! How’s the showcase performance going with Kev?” He asks like he knows something you don’t. When your lips fall to a thin line, an all too familiar grimace, he sighs a knowing sigh. “Do I have to smack some sense into him?”

“Not gonna lie, yeah, you do. He’s being really fucking difficult and like half of our dance is unfinished. I can’t even get a hold of him, so I’m starting to lose my patience.” You express your annoyance. The border between complacency and free-will was a lot slimmer than one might think. For example; your feelings when it comes to Kevin Moon.

You don’t expect to get a returning call later that night when you’re washing dishes after dinner.

In fact, you don’t even hear it at first, too absorbed in scrubbing the staining out of your bowl. It’s when your roommate yells out to you, that you snap out of your reverie, albeit dazedly. You dry your hands on a nearby tea towel, hitting the green answer button without a second glance at the caller ID.

“Hello?”

“Are you free tomorrow?”

Your heart catches in your throat. You recognize the owner of the voice practically by the first breath into the receiver alone. It’s actually kind of unhealthy how quickly it took to realize who was on the other end. You swallow heavily, praying he doesn’t hear the gulp.

“In the latter part of the afternoon, I believe. Why?” You try not to sound hopeful. That’s one thing you’ve learned being in the same vicinity as Kevin Moon. You could never be too expecting, because it would only lead to disappointment. And you’d dealt with enough of that the past few years.

“We need to finish this fuck ass choreography,” he grunts, and it takes everything in you to bite your tongue. “I’ll meet you in the same studio at 4.”

He doesn’t let you get anything else in, hanging up swiftly. You deflate as you set your phone back on the counter. All you had to do was push through these next couple weeks, like you always have when it came to him.

That should be a piece of cake, right?

Wrong.

“No, that looks stupid.”

You grit your teeth, swiping the back of your hand on your forehead. You’d been inside of this studio maybe 30 minutes tops, and you were on the verge of strangling Kevin. With as long as you’d been putting up with his shit, you thought getting through this wouldn’t be as rough as it’s been. But if there was one thing Kevin Moon had, it was pride.

“We don’t have time for you to nitpick right now. Let’s just finish the choreography and clean it after.” Your hands rest on your hips, nostrils flaring.

“If we clean as we go, we’ll have more time to drill it into our systems and get down muscle memory. It’ll be a stronger performance.” He argues. You roll your eyes as you turn away from him, taking a water break to calm yourself. “Why do you have so much fucking attitude today? You were the one preaching to the choir about me making things difficult. It seems the tables have turned.”

Usually, you were pretty good at keeping your frustration at bay when it came to Kevin’s remarks. You liked to think it was because you were down bad for the guy, despite him always wanting nothing to do with you. But as of late, (Read: Since your performance of Princess and the Pauper) every little comment he’s made has managed to crawl under your skin like a damn parasite. You were beginning to get real sick of it.

“God, you’re so—“ You interrupt yourself to groan, fingers curling into fists. “You’re fucking insufferable. Do you know that? I’ve been bending over backwards to ensure we aren’t kicked out of the goddamn program and you don’t even fucking care. Over what? A kiss that you initiated?”

Kevin is stunned into silence, not at all prepared for you to blow up on him like that. After all, that razor thin line between complacency and free-will had yet to be crossed. And well, it appears that you just crossed it. You whip around toward him, pulling down the collar of your t-shirt to reveal the faintest of bruises that still remains from your impromptu act of intimacy.

“I’ve had to look at this every day for a week and all it’s done is make me feel shitty, ashamed of something I didn’t even start. Now I need you to stop acting like an ass and get it together so we can finish this and perform the best dance this university has ever seen.” Your chest is heaving up and down, similarly to when you made out against the mirrors last week. Except this time isn’t out of breathlessness, but rather anger and exhaustion.

Kevin’s eyes don’t leave the hickey on the base of your throat, something undetectable swimming in them as he stares. You can’t read the emotions swirling rampantly in his irises, a mixture of too many blurring into one another. Honestly, it’s funny. It’s funny that it’s taken you this long to get him to shut his mouth for once.

So you laugh.

It’s a snort at first, an off handed projection of how comical the situation has become to you. But then it metamorphoses into a small giggle, which leads to full scale laughter that has you hunching over your knees and wiping away tears. This whole thing is stupid. Absolutely fucking stupid.

“What are you laughing at?” His eyebrow raises in question, broken from his weird trance.

“I just can’t believe it took three years for me to shut you up,” you shake your head slowly, rubbing your eye with the heel of your palm. “You’re always the one who can’t stop talking.”

Kevin deadpans, mouth pulled pin-straight as his expression drops. “You’re so unserious.”

As the height of your laughter reaches a valley, you collapse onto the ground, resting your back against the mirror. You take another long sip of water before sighing. “Look, I know this isn’t ideal. Trust me, I know. But, we’ve gotta set aside our differences just this once. Please, for the sake of the department.”

“Fine,” he murmurs, plopping down beside you to stretch his back. “Let’s finish choreographing so we can start cleaning it up.”

It’s a victory in your book, and probably the most obedient the Pisces has ever been. Maybe this wouldn’t end in complete disaster like you assumed it would. It turns out Kevin Moon wasn’t entirely brainless and knew when he was wrong. Sometimes. Maybe. We’ll see.

You shut your eyes and visualize what you’ve choreographed so far, going over the moves in your head to see if the rest will come to you like a prophecy. It’s wishful thinking, but with how much you’ve accomplished since setting foot in the studio, you’re willing to try anything. The track would be nice for elements of hip hop style choreography, but you knew the audience wouldn’t eat it up as much as they would the route you’re currently taking.

Driver roll up the partition, please…

The song plays through the speakers and you watch as Kevin stands to run through everything you have. You’re entranced by his movements, the flow of his body on certain points. It’ll look ten times better once you’re doing it with him, costumed and performing it perfectly in front of a crowd. You can picture it now, the gentle but controlled glide of his hands along your arms when Beyoncé sings “We ain’t even gonna make it to this club”. He was right. You very well might be seduced by your enemy.

“Should we use props?” You suddenly voice, eyes narrowed in thought. He hums.

“That’s… not a half-bad idea, actually,” his tongue darts out to wet his lips. “What did you have in mind?”

“A chair, maybe,” you look away from him, placing your focus on the way your toes alternate between a tendu and relaxed position. “That could take up a good chunk of the choreo.”

Kevin stalks over to the supply closet in the corner of the studio, pulling out a folding chair. He puts it in the center of the room gently, careful to not scratch up the wooden, lacquered flooring. You spend the next couple of hours brainstorming through numerous versions of the dance. While it was a lot easier than your past practices, there were still the occasional argument over which movements looked good and whatnot.

At a certain point, everything becomes cohesive and the end is near. You gulp down some water as Kevin does some random choreography. It’s then that it comes to you, like a vision from That’s So Raven. You practically drop your water bottle, scrambling to your feet and stopping him. Your breath is heavy from fatigue and you’re slightly afraid of even suggesting this, but it’s exactly what this dance needs. It’s exactly what everyone wants to see from the two of you.

He pauses the music and gestures for you to get on with it. You push down the lump in your throat, scared of rejection. But maybe he was smart and he would agree that this is what you have to do. “What if we did a lift?”

You see the hesitation swirling in his eyes and you raise a finger before he can shut you down entirely. “Nothing crazy like… um— you know— Princess and the Pauper, but something smaller. Something… sexy? Like, Dancing with the Stars type beat.”

When he shrugs instead of outright dismissing your idea, you know you’ve won. He nods slowly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. “Okay, sure. But we better clean up everything else fast so we can perfect the lift.”

The two of you take another three hours running the entirety of the choreography, ingraining the moves into your brains and muscles. You still had a bit until the actual showcase, but your priority now lies with the lift. If you nailed it, the entire department would very well grovel after you in reparation for all of the slack you got after Kevin dropped you. Hell, the entire university would kiss your feet. This was your redemption. In more ways than one.

You both decide to call it a day at around 9:30 PM. Your hands reach for your belongings and then you halt yourself, a thought coming to mind. While you had him in this weird state of obedience, you figured it was as good a time as any to ask the question that’s been weighing on you for the past few years. Your fingers swipe away the sweat beading around your hairline.

”Kevin,” you start, voice a lot softer than before. “Why do you— what did I do to make you dislike me so much?”

He’s caught completely off guard, eyes widening in surprise. If he was anticipating you to say anything else prior to parting ways tonight, he didn’t think this would be it. He’s actually a little off put that you hadn’t asked him this already in the span of your definitely-one-sided rivalry. He takes a large gulp of water.

”I’d call it indifference, not dislike,” he corrects after a pregnant silence. “It’s really fucking stupid thinking about it in hindsight. I don’t know if you remember this time, way back in our first year, we ran into each other at the campus cafe— literally, might I add— and you spilled your coffee all over this white shirt of mine that Changmin had gotten for me as a birthday gift. I only recently found out that it wasn’t as expensive as he made it out to be.”

You blink at his admission, processing his words as thoroughly as possible. You don’t know what you wanted him to say. You weren’t even sure if there was a concrete reason for him to be so fucking mean to you all this time. And now that you know, you come to the conclusion that Kevin Moon isn’t as smart as you’ve painted him out to be in your head. He’s actually a gigantic idiot. Because who in their right mind goes through these lengths to form a distance between the only other person on par with their talent?

Before you can stop yourself, you’re bursting into another fit of laughter. Kevin falters at your reaction. He was waiting for you to blow up on him, to scream in his face for causing you so much pain and unnecessary drama over something so silly. So when you do none of that, when you start fucking laughing like a damn hyena, he feels dumb. Like his entire college career has been built off of nothing.

”This is so—“ you pause to gather your bearings, wiping away the tears that managed to escape. “We’ve spent so much time going back and forth over some spilled coffee? Surely you’ve realized how insane that is at some point.”

”It took a lengthy argument with Changmin, but yeah, I did,” he nods, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

You worry your lower lip between your teeth, finally getting your things together. The two of you bid each other an awkward goodbye. Neither of you knew what to make of your relationship now that things had been partially sorted through. There was a fuck ton of baggage that still had to be sifted, but at least you had an answer.

That was enough to push through this showcase performance. You think.

You’re nervous.

Never in your entire life have you ever been this nervous for a performance.

You grew up doing musical theatre and dancing, it’s always been the one constant presence you could rely on. But standing here, backstage at the showcase, you think you’re going to throw up. Your palms are clamming up uncontrollably and your chest feels unbearably heavy as you watch the quartet doing a contemporary piece to some ballad you couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of. There were still a couple groups before you.

Not even when you had to perform fuckass Princess and the Pauper were you this anxious. You wince, trying to stop the incessant bouncing of your leg. Your weight keeps shifting from one hip to the other. As a seasoned veteran, you don’t know why you feel this way. Maybe it had to do with all the pressure riding on this very dance. Every single eye in that crowd was going to scrutinize your every move on that stage.

“Calm down,” a voice whispers harshly from beside you. “You’re making me nervous.”

Kevin wraps his fingers around your wrist, stopping the annoying tap-tap-tap your own were doing against your thigh. He gives you a look, and you sigh. “Sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

That’s a lie. Not only was the high expectations from the entire school getting to you, but so was the fear of history repeating itself. He knows this, it was inevitable. After what happened the last time he was tasked with lifting you, it was only natural.

”We’ve drilled this dance hundreds, if not thousands, of times, Y/N. We’ll do just fine.” Kevin assures you.

His hand feels foreign holding yours, like it was illegal for his skin to be touching your own. You feel your lower lip quiver, a sense of trepidation that you’ve never once felt creeping down your spine. Your mind was spiraling, and quite honestly, Kevin being so close was making it worse. All you could think about was him dropping you again, leaving you in the middle of the stage with a broken leg and a broken heart. You release a shaky breath and he turns to face you.

Your eyes widen and he searches your face for any disingenuity. When he finds his answer, he brings the hand that was holding yours up to cup your cheek. He’s cautious, afraid he might break you like he always does. He waits for you to shove him away and to yell at him for being a fucking coward.

You don’t. You stay still, hoping he follows through with what you think he’s about to do. And then he does.

It’s such a featherlight peck of his lips on your own, you almost don’t even register. But sparks shoot from the source all the way to the tips of your fingers. You feel as if you were dealt a static shock of electricity, your whole body buzzing from the small kiss alone.

He pulls away just in time for the stage manager to inform you that you’re next. Kevin rolls his neck jogging over to the wings to patiently await your performance like he hadn’t just kissed you a moment ago. You blink dumbly, two fingers coming up to touch where his lips had been. Sure the nerves were gone now, but the sensation of butterflies swarming about in your stomach easily replaced that. What the fuck was his problem?

“Our last performance is one I’m sure all of you have been waiting for. Kevin Moon and Y/N L/N with Partition!”

Before you know it, you and Kevin are in position, your body squared upstage and his to the crowd. Your eyes are closed, but you can feel his arm wrapped around your waist and his steady breathing on your nose. The spotlight switches on, the heat of the lighting warm against the side of your face. It’s silent in the auditorium, but it rings in your ears. You could do this.

Let me hear you say ‘Hey Miss Carter’…

You move on reflex, muscle memory kicking in instantaneously. Each circle of your hips, every turn you make— a fouetté here, a pirouette there, a couple coupes, each roll of your body. But what really gets you is the long brushes of Kevin’s skin on your own. You’d practiced with distance between the two of you. There was a tension that had been there for years. Now it’s all coming to a rolling boil, a new uncharted tension that every single member in that audience could see.

And then comes the lift.

You, along with everybody in the auditorium, practically hold your breath when Kevin’s hands grip your hips. He raises you above him with all of his strength, completely focused on you and only you. You shut your eyes and feel the moment, like, really feel it. Your body is relaxed, the Dirty Dancing-esque lift bringing the whole performance together just like you knew it would. The only difference from the movie and real life is the fact that you’re flipped, your backside to Kevin and your chest to the ceiling.

Your eyes flutter open, the spotlight all but blinding you, and you finally feel content. Like everything has fallen into the right place for once in your life. Especially so when Kevin sets you down gently and you finish your dance with the utmost confidence.

The crowd erupts into a roaring chorus of applause, going as far as giving you a standing ovation. Holy shit. You pulled it off. You actually managed to pull it off.

Your face feels like it might split from how big your smile is. You and Kevin bow, walking off stage. You’re entirely too happy right now, a newfound energy overtaking you as you trail behind him.

“We did it!” You cheer as you follow him towards the dressing room where your things are. You’re the only ones left backstage, everyone else filtering out between performances. Kevin doesn’t give you much of a response, just a small nod of acknowledgment. Your smile falters. “What the hell is your problem?”

”Nothing, Y/N, fuck. Can you just mind your own fucking business?” He snaps, turning around to glare at you just as the door slams behind you. You instinctively flinch at both loud noises. His features soften but you take a step back from him.

You aren’t sure why you’re surprised. This isn’t anything new. Kevin has always made it crystal clear that he wasn’t your number one fan. Being neutral for your performance wasn’t enough to repair all the holes in whatever your relationship was, and you should’ve known better. You shouldn’t have let your guard down so easily. You should’ve expected this. Old dogs can never learn new tricks.

But Kevin’s scared. He’s afraid of letting you in after all the mess he’s put you through. The only thing he’s good at doing is hurting you, over and over like there was a prize that came out of it.

”Look…”

”No, you listen to me,” you swallow heavily, tears already tight lining your eyes. “Kevin, I have taken so much shit from you. Over these past few years I have just sat there and let you unload all your fucked up insecurities onto me. Have you ever wondered why? Have you ever thought to stop and think about why I let you be so mean to me without even questioning it?”

He says nothing, just stares with his lips parted. They open and close like a fish out of water, words there at the tip of his tongue but refusing to make their escape. And then one of your tears rolls down your cheeks and he’s directly in front you, his heart on his sleeve for the first time since you’ve met him.

”Why?” The simple question is so quiet, you almost don’t hear him. But his eyes hold so much hurt, so much anguish that you’ve never seen in a person before.

“I’ve had feelings for you for so long, it’s actually starting to ache. You’ve only ever seen me as this thing, this obstacle. And I’m afraid that that’s all I’ll ever be to you, because you won’t let me be anything else. You won’t—“

”That’s not true, Y/N,” Kevin sighs, looking off to the side, away from you. “I just— it’s complicated. It’s more than just being rivals.”

”So help me understand,” you frown. “Let me in, please.”

”My entire life I’ve had to work to get to where I am. I’ve fought tooth and nail to be as good of a performer as I am today. There were so many hoops I had to go through to even get into this program and— and I thought I’d finally become the best I could be. I thought that there was no way anyone could ever be better than me. And then you showed up. You and your pretty smile and your natural ability to be the best at everything you do. It was like you were the real life manifestation of all of my critics, of every challenge I faced to get here. Where I had to practice day and night to perfect something, it just came to you like second nature. During Princess and the Pauper, when I dropped you, it truly was an accident. But we’d spent so much time nailing it, that it— I just made myself feel better by saying it was your fault. ‘How could it have been my fault if I perfected it?’ I was jealous and petty and it was just easier to blame hating— to blame my indifference on you spilling coffee on my stupid shirt. For that, I’m sorry.”

You don’t know what you were waiting to hear, but it wasn’t that. Your tears turn into full on blubbering, because what the fuck? That’s so much burden for someone to carry on their shoulders for three years.

“Why are you— why are you crying?” He flounders, reaching up to swipe away your tears.

“I wish I knew… I wish I could’ve helped you somehow,” you sniffle. “Kev, I’ve always admired you and your work ethic. I hoped one day I’d be half as disciplined as you, half as determined.”

He blinks. You’re both dumb, aren’t you? Too focused on the wrong things. You both could’ve been a lot less hateful, a lot less miserable, had you just spoken your differences out. This entire rivalry has been completely one sided, but also built off of plain stupidity and ignorance. He supposes it’s not too late to make amends if you aren’t running in the opposite direction despite everything he’s put you through.

Kevin leans forward, hand still pressed to your cheek, and connects your lips softly. He’s testing the waters, making sure you’re comfortable before he continues anything. When you don’t back away just yet, he adds more force, deepening the kiss like a man starved. You whine against his lips.

This is what you’ve been wanting from him. More than what he gave you before your performance, but not what happened in the studio a few weeks ago. This desperation isn’t abashed lust, it’s unbridled affection— it’s everything he’s holed inside of himself for years, unwilling to let it see the light of day until now. If you were to label anything as perfection, it wouldn’t be a dance or a moment on stage, it would be this. Just you and Kevin finally bringing yourselves together in the most intimately emotional union.

He pulls you closer to him, hands sliding down to grasp at your waist, bunching up the thin fabric of your leotard. You can’t help but bury your fingers in his hair, tugging when he nips at your lower lip. A gasp permeates the air when his mouth travels south, along your jaw and down the side of your neck. He bites and sucks the tender skin at the base of your throat, ensuring he leaves his mark on you. This time isn’t careless, this time he has purpose. He wants everybody to know that you’re his, that you’re the only person insane enough to put up with him.

Your breathing is shaky when you reach behind you to lock the dressing room, dragging him over to the long vanity adjacent to you. He slots between your legs when you hoist yourself onto the surface. He pecks your lips and pauses his movements, rubbing up and down your thighs. In the dim, yellow lighting of the room, you look so gorgeous. He’s always thought you were beautiful, the most stunning thing he’s ever laid his eyes on, but he’s repressed it for so long. He wants to take his time staring at what he’s avoided.

”You’re so pretty,” he says quietly, kissing you again and again and again. “I don’t think I can last long with you.”

“Can we skip the foreplay?” You ask, bottom lip jutted into a pout. “Need you to just fuck me like you mean it.”

Kevin’s forehead falls to your shoulder with a groan. “I don’t deserve you,” God, he’s such an idiot for holding out from this. You should’ve been given the world and so much more. He has a lot of lost time to make up for. He kisses your shoulder with a sigh. “Yeah, baby, I can do that.”

You don’t waste another second, slipping your arms through the sleeves of your leotard. He has to bite down on his tongue when he sees that you’re braless, fingers going slack as they unbutton the rest of his silk shirt. You shimmy out of the one piece, left in nothing but the fishnet stockings you wore underneath and your lacy panties. Kevin thinks he must’ve done at least something right in a past life to experience this.

Your eyes sparkle as you look up at him, undoing his slacks and kicking them down his legs with your feet. Something takes over him when he rips a bigger hole in your stockings, pushing your underwear to the side. His thumb glides through your folds with ease, your slick providing enough lubricant. He pushes your lower lips apart while you busy yourself shoving his underwear to his ankles.

His cock slips inside of you with less friction than he would’ve thought, but he doesn’t complain, screwing his eyes shut as he acclimates to the feeling of your walls surrounding him. You moan, such a soft sound that he nearly loses his balance.

“You feel so good, baby,” he coos, digging his fingers into your hips as he rocks his own. “You’re so so perfect.”

The praise is too much for you, given the circumstances. Your brain is already cloudy, stuffed with what could only be described as cotton. You watch with half lidded eyes as he begins to piston into you at a faster speed. This all feels like a fever dream, something that was only possible in your craziest fantasies. Even then, it seemed unlikely.

“‘M close, Kev,” you whine, unable to stay still and attempting to match his thrusts.

“Already? We’ve only just started, gorgeous.” He laughs, but it’s breathy, strained from the exertion of his body. You hardly have the strength in you to be embarrassed about it, especially since he’s seen you in much worse situations.

You nod frantically, snaking a hand between you to circle your clit with nimble fingers. Kevin halts you and pulls out momentarily, sliding his cock between your folds like it was your hand. The tip catches your sensitive bundle of nerves repeatedly, making you dizzier than you already were.

He presses back into you with ease, resuming his sloppy but animalistic pace. He uses his thumb to continue your handywork, your cunt fluttering around him needily. You’re both losing your sanity quickly, both going batshit insane over the bare minimum. You’ve just needed this for so long, yearned for this moment for a humiliating amount of time.

Your moans start to rise in pitch and he groans. “Fuck, baby, you can cum for me.”

He could cry, he thinks, when your back arches and your legs shake with your orgasm. It hits you like a freight train, triggering his own release just as fast.

You stay like that for a bit, regaining yourselves and comprehending everything that’s just happened. So much for the whole hating each other narrative.

“What does this mean for us?” You suddenly ask, arms hooked around Kevin’s neck. You’re still connected by your lower halves, but he makes no effort to pull away. Part of you likes it that way, it gives you hope that this isn’t a one time affair.

“It’ll be hard for things to change overnight,” he says, massaging your sides. “We have a lot of unresolved issues and insecurities that we still have to push past. But I’m willing to do that with you. I want to take a chance on us.”

Your lips pull into a smile, an expression you don’t think you’ve worn around him genuinely in the years you’ve known him. “I do, too.”

“It’s kind of ironic that it was a performance that tore us apart and brought us back together, don’t you think?” He laughs.

“And we fucked in the dressing room…” You add, glancing to the top corner where a security camera is stationed.

“Maybe we should get out of here before someone checks the footage,” he suggests. “Tau Beta Zeta is conveniently hosting our end of semester party tonight, do you wanna be my plus one?”

“I would be honored.” You grin, pecking his lips tenderly.

Perhaps happy endings existed after all.

#deoboyznet #the boyz #the boyz x reader #the boyz smut #tbz #tbz x reader #tbz smut #the boyz kevin #tbz kevin #kevin moon x reader #kevin moon smut #kevin x reader #kevin smut #moon hyungseo #blackoutorbackout🍻#juyeonszn

124 notes · View notes

skyloftian-nutcase · 1 year

Note

Writing prompts?

Anything with Four

Pls my Four loving heart is starving 😂

No pressure tho, all jokes!

It felt… wrong. Thinking like this. But…

Four sighed as he watched Wind laugh and play with Wolfie. With Twilight, unknowingly.

Nobody expected anything different if him. Despite his status as a hero, the sailor was still a child.

A child. Which Four absolutely was not. So he needed to stop feeling like this. He needed… he needed to stop feeling jealous of Wind.

The kid held his own in battle, and was respected for his fighting ability, even if there were times where he was coddled. He held his head high, he had role models to help him, and everyone let him laugh and play and have fun when he wanted to.

It wasn’t like the others wouldn’t let Four goof around. But Four… had a knack for cementing himself as the old soul of whatever group he interacted with, and seeing as he was one of the most experienced in teamwork anyway, he had different expectations of him.

Besides, the one time Twilight even hinted that Four was young, he’d snapped vehemently at it.

Why wouldn’t he? He’d had people assuming he was ten for years. It was tiresome and downright insulting sometimes. He wasn’t a child.

But he’d spent so much time arguing that he wasn’t a child that he’d let what was left of his childhood slip right through his fingers.

It wasn’t that bad. Four was naturally more mature than most his age, anyway. But sometimes…

Sometimes he wished he could just act his age. Sometimes he wished he could be a kid.

Sighing, he stopped watching Wind, the sailor’s laughter echoing in his heavy heart.

#you ask skye answers #lovely anon #why is Four so hard to write ugh #hope this was all right #lu four #writing #writing prompt

71 notes · View notes

salsflore · 2 years

Text

BANNER DESCRIBED IN ALT. TEXT

ps shoutout to the “lesser known” selfshippers! followers and notes really don’t matter, but i know a lot of people get upset over the lack of interaction so hi – reminder that being popular or whatever doesn’t make you any more or less valid, you’re cool just the way you are, so pls talk about your ships! we need it! we want it! you’re contributing lots just by being here!

talk abt what you love! spam post everyday! even though it may seem like nobody is interested or do not care about your ships, the art you put effort in, the fics you write or the games you reblog ( i am positive there are many people out there who do, okay? )

please try your best not to let that discourage you from doing what you want! selfshipping should be for you, don’t get pressured to reach a certain amount of mutuals, notes or the asks you get because they ultimately don’t matter, so don’t let that stop you from creating for things that bring you joy. maybe even take a break if it’s beginning to feel that overwhelming for you, i promise we’ll still all be here.

+ even if there are more popular self ships out there or whatever, that doesn’t make them any more valid or ‘better’ than yours, so just keep doing what you want to do if it makes you happy, don’t focus on people other than yourself. ♡

btw if you want letters, if you want to gush, if you want asks, etc. my askbox is always open okay !! i am you and your ship’s number one supporter (real)

#i’ve seen quite a LOT of posts (either on the main tag or by my lovely moots) talking abt lack of interaction and aghh #i’m sorry you guys feel unheard and unwanted. i am giving you many hugs. maybe even biting you affectionately....#but you guys are cool regardless ok !!#⠀520! ♡⠀#self shipping community #self ship #fictoromantic #fictosexual #self ship positivity #self ship community #self shipping

118 notes · View notes

onmyyan · 1 year

Note

Hello 👋👋👋

I absolutely LOVE all of your writings!!!! I’ve read everything you’ve made so many times and this is the first time I have ever asked any author anything but I recently wanted to start writing!

I’ve never written something from start to finish because I get so self conscious about putting my work out there and nobody liking it but I’ve recently been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and I want to upload some of my own works. (Wish me luck🥲🥲🥲)

So I wanted to know if you could give me some tips and advice for writing and also any tips you have for writing yanderes

Thank you so much for all the creative works you give us, I have read through everything so many times I find such great comfort in them!!! Anyway I don’t want to take up anymore of your time but I also don’t know how to end this so I love you and thank you 😊

Omg!! hello new friend! Thank you for such sweet words :') I appreciate them and you, ur too sweet omfg ❤️🥺

Okay so first, and what I feel is the most important tip I can offer, is to Write. 👏🏼 What. 👏🏼You.👏🏼 Want.👏🏼

It's simple but some of the best piece of writing advice I can offer.

As long as you're enjoying what you're putting out into the world, that's all that matters, even if people don't like it or it doesn't get as much interaction as you may have hoped, don't stop doing what you enjoy! (Fun fact, I started this blog bec I had read damn near everything yandere for my fandoms and needed more, I pulled a Thanos)

If you have passion for creating then do it, even if it's only a sentence a day, you're crafting entire worlds with your words! You are in control here, the pace and energy of your pieces is up to you, so set the tone however you like.

For me? I knew I wanted to write about a specific type of yandere, the kind that aren't physically abusive to their darlings, or all the other darker shit that comes with this beloved trope, the genuinely love sick, I found my brand of content that I enjoyed consuming and started creating it with all my favorite parts of the trope mashed together in a beautiful mess, all that to say, ask yourself what kind of Yandere stories you enjoy consuming and why?

What about those particular plots appeal to you?

Once you narrow that down it'll be easier to find your groove, also don't be afraid to try different styles or characterization or AU's the possibilities for this journey are endless and I for one can't wait to see what you come out with, I hope this was helpful!! Pls let me know if there's anything I do to help ya, love ya lots!

-Onmyyan

P.s. if you're comfortable I'd love to follow your writing blog, but only if you're comfortable of course, absolutely no pressure on this end ❤️

#yananswers #anon submission #writing tips #yandere writing #yandere #yandere writing tips

28 notes · View notes

taegularities · 9 months

Note

heey! please dont take this the wrong way but im genuinely curious why do you feel so empty on tumblr🥺 i mean your stories have more than a thousand likes and theres so many people who are clearly huge fans of your work… whatever the reason is, i really hope you stay on tumblr for a long time because you are really the sweetest:) (not pressuring you though, you do whats best for you!) 🥰

hi, my love!! i didn't take it the wrong way <3 i can explain what i mean.. so, this time it's not as much about interaction bc everyone's been very sweet and talks to me despite holiday season! i still have more msgs than i can answer (keep it all coming tho pls hehe :P), so the issue this time is more just.. how empty tumblr is. i scroll through my dash once and am already at a post that was posted/rbd an hour ago bc nobody's around (ccs and readers alike!!).

so many of my mutuals have left tumblr and so many readers have, too (i miss you all sm btw sigh) and watching tumblr die has been so disheartening. it's gotten very dry? and then, and that's a me problem, i also get so damn insecure all the time. i keep feeling like im unwanted here and get vv scared talking to people, bc there was so much negativity and hate on here for the past year that i constantly think twice before approaching someone. i just hate overthinking like, "does xy hate me? should i rather not interact" lol which sucks bc i like talking to people so much and used to be the most social butterfly.

so the loneliness just comes from the overall desert-like feeling on here combined with my own fears that tumblr's better off without me. it's stupid 😞

also! idc about notes tbh! e.g. i enjoyed dropping cmi11 more bc it got more love than idk cmi9.5 despite getting less likes. sometimes the 'getting thousands of likes' is super cool but also the problem bc of the lack of reblogs etc. (like there's a big difference between e.g. cmi9 and cmi11, even in the comment section). the only thing i wanna say about interaction, though, is: whenever i do attendance checks before posting a chapter, a lot of ppl (and new names) comment that they're excited — id absolutely love it if you reacted to the actual drop, too bc that's often met by silence by those who are super thrilled at first 🥺 and taglist readers!! where are you guysss lol lmk if you read, too!! writing is such a difficult hobby to indulge in, so writers just want to feel like people see it and that their effort is appreciated, even if thousands of words meet just a paragraph of feedback — we still love it 🥺 that's all. atm i don't have more to say about interaction bc everyone's been the sweetest.

hope that clears things up... thank you for reaching out and telling me you want me around 🥺 you're so sweet, as well 🤍

#sorry once again for rambling i wont be mad if nobody reads it jdjdzshs #im so thankful to everyone who loves my stuff and me and shows me too #i love love and will keep giving y'all my effort and affection.. hope it's all reciprocated 🥺#im trying my absolute best <3 #notes for rid 🌹#anon

6 notes · View notes

miss-oranje-disco-dancer · 8 months

Note

I noticed earlier you posted and stuff. I was mid-writing, but I just wanted to make sure you were ok. (Now finished and my brain literally wants to go jump into cold water and lowkey drown-) Honestly, I can understand the point of how you can feel like based on a fic. Honestly, who hasn't felt it as a writer? And the fact that shit we like/are passionate abt becomes a flop. It's confusing, 'cause writing should be full of you being passionate, but instead, it's basically getting slapped in the face like:

"Bitch, what is this?" "Me liking smth a lot? Me enjoying writing this?" "Ew." 38 likes.

Literally, it feels like that at points. Sometimes it feels like you shouldn't even feel passionate to write if you're gonna literally get 20 - 50 likes you wrote about 4k words on. Or that nobody even tries to socialize with you. I thought I'd at least get one ask already abt SOMETHING. ANYTHING. I'm still waiting, even with 100 followers now. I know, that's like high expectations, but now I don't honestly care abt it.

Sometimes I hate the fact I have to sexualize Leon in certain ways to be liked. I literally hate Respect Your Elders sm, you don't even understand. Yes, it feels like him, but at the same time, I look at it and feel disgusted. I know, basically started writing two-ish weeks ago, but I'm already getting into the mindset of looking at my past writing and going "icky". I honestly feel pressured to write like others and it sucks. It's a never-ending cycle for certain feelings, and it's so bfcuiewsdjkcnx!? LIKE, WHY CAN'T I ENJOY IT!?

But, in the end, sooner than later... You will be able to grow a small following. Looking at people like thevirgincherry, nexysworld, or explorevenus honestly inspires me. I know it might not inspire you, but honestly, write whatever you want. It's hard to break the mindset of likes/reblogs/interacting = worth. I still have yet to break that cycle, but slowly it's getting broken.

And no, it isn't exactly your period talking for you. Ok, maybe but mostly no. You're being honest about how you feel, and that's honestly valued by a lot of people. It may not seem like it at this point in time, but it feels human. It's a small thing people value a LOT. I know this may not exactly help you or exactly do whatever you wanted it to do. I'm just happy I can relate to someone about this.

About the commission part too, btw, I understand that. Honestly, I don't want to do commissions, but I can understand why a lot of people do it. To know someone actually LIKES your writing, like they get up, EXCITED, happy, WHATEVER! Literally fills every single writer with joy. Sure, you may not be getting vocal support, but I know without a doubt someone would smile, or their day gets brightened because you posted.

I just wanted to send smth in case you still felt bad! Idrc if you delete/post/answer/privately answer sooooo. But I hope you feel slightly better reading this!

(Tumblr pls send this mf I sat here for abt 10 min.)

thank you for sending this! (it kinda was my period tho lol i just started crying ab nothing) i'm totally fine, i am just sometimes cringe and not in the cute and quirky way. i need to learn to be normal about posting my writing. usually, i don't like the things that i write, but w/ daddy all along it's such a personal thing and i also enjoyed writing and like the finished product, so i care too much about what everyone thinks of it. and i don't care about fame or money, but i do want friends :( i want people to talk to about stuff, y'know? and one day (once i get better at writing lol) i want to be someone's favorite writer, i want someone to cry while they're reading my stuff, i want someone to beg me for updates. i've read certain fics that have made me audibly sob and i wish i could write that well. there's a fic that i've been reading that i love so much and i check my email all the time hoping it'll be updated. i have my fave fics downloaded to my computer so i can highlight the parts i like. one fanfic inspired me to write fanfiction and actually post it. like i'm in awe of some people. so, i put dual emphasis on everything. obv most of my works are smut so i don't expect them to emotionally affect people but i was crying while i wrote the ending of daddy all along so i want it to be emotionally evocative ig but yeah, i seek both to be liked as a person and for my writing to be liked and i just need to chill sometimes.

1 note · View note

roxannarambles · 2 years

Note

hi!!! I’m the same anon who was raving about ur penstagram fic before it was even out lol(speaking of which is very good and I love it so much THIS is the content I want; luz confusing hunter out with her human lingo/ways. as always, thank u for the food it was delicious. you’ve also given me inspiration to potentially start a fic of my own for goldenlight! I’m not going to promise anything, but the idea has been growing more and more in my head by the day, and I wanted to thank you for always posting such lovely fics about them, bc who knows if I would’ve even considered writing for goldenlight otherwise?!!!)

but concerning the finale, am I the only one that felt it was strangely… underwhelming? i truly can’t pinpoint exactly what it was, maybe my expectations were just set too high, maybe the effects of the show being gutted prematurely by the mouse are really starting to show through for me personally, I don’t know. but it’s been making me feel insane since, online, I haven’t seen much of anyone feeling the same? I’m truly not sure why I feel this way because it’s not like things didn’t happen, because they obviously did!! but there was just something strangely unsatisfying about it that I can’t shake.

i have been trying to be aware that the owl house was always probably going to feel rushed at least somewhat because of everything, and I hate feeling like I’m kicking the toh crew while they’re already down. the LAST thing I want to do is be a hater of the show, or be the person who meticulously picks at media until I’m suddenly convinced my opinion is completely right and that said media is suddenly completely terrible and has always been. I’ve tried talking to my friend about it, and while they actually agreed a lot with what I had to say, they’re not the type who like to in-depth discuss about this type of stuff lol.

i guess my question is, what did you think of the s2 finale? did it hit all the emotional beats to you, or even just mis of them? (pls don’t feel pressured to agree with anything I said lol. i just wanted to get it out of my system. I’m truly curious about your input! trust me, I would be more than happy to be told why I’m wrong actually and have my eyes opened. seriously, no pressure lol.

to end on a more positive note, I can’t wait to read the rest of the penstagram fic! i truly love how you characterize them and how you portray their relationship! there’s something so soft about the way you write them that makes me soft sknewknrrkiksn)

Hi! :D I'm so glad you're enjoying the Penstagram shenanigans, I feel like there's a lot of room there for some silly fun. Also, I'm thrilled you're considering doing a fic yourself! I know I never would have bothered writing for the pairing if I hadn't stumbled across the Goldenlight community first and realized I wasn't alone. If you ever do write and post something I'd love to read it. <3

You are not alone in your feelings about the finale. While there are parts of the finale I really enjoyed, other parts were very disappointing to me. I enjoyed King's role in the episode (and King's interactions with Luz) and I felt that the Collector was really interesting and engaging. But the other stuff . . . ooof. I've been doing some thinking and I think I've pinpointed one of the major problems with S2B and the finale. This may sound strange at first, but I think a major issue is that it focused too much on the romances to the detriment of everything else.

Hear me out. (Rant incoming!! If somebody wants to skip I will mark where my rant ends.)

With Luz, after the events of 'Hollow Mind,' you'd think she and Eda would be very worried about Hunter running away into the woods, alone, traumatized, and in extreme danger of being hunted down by Belos. And yet in the show, they never even mention him again. What's more, Luz does not worry about any of her other friends, either. In 'Clouds on the Horizon', she is single-mindedly focused on finding and helping Amity, nobody else. This is presumably because they wanted to feature L*mity in the episode, but it means that Luz has been acting wildly out of character, because she should be worried about her friends too! When her friends do appear, she is relieved, but she still barely even interacts with them, and the whole thing feels super weird and ooc. (We saw signs of this even earlier in S2B during 'Follies At the Coven Day Parade.' She is real stressed about telling Amity about her promise to stay in the human realm . . . but doesn't give a crap about telling Willow or Gus!) Throughout S2B, the over-focus on L*mity means Luz stops having meaningful plot time with any of her other friends. Including a really interesting friendship with Hunter that was just entirely discarded.

With Hunter, whooo boy it's a mess. Hunter had a beautiful character arc all set up for him. And yet, in King's Tide, he is robbed of that arc entirely. Instead of Hunter confronting Belos, standing up to him, and addressing his identity crisis, proving he is a REAL person with his own will and his own fate, NOT a tool of Belos, Hunter's involvement with the story is removed almost entirely. He doesn't have lines, he's made utterly pathetic during fights so that Willow keeps saving him-- in order for the show to force more 'romantic moments' in-- or he spends the time just assisting the other witches, not actually fighting for himself. This is out of character and ridiculous. Hunter is facing something terrifying, yes, but he is more then a capable witch and fighter. He's the head of the Emperor's Coven, for pete's sake, he's had tons of training. He can stand his own ground and he deserved to have a chance at his actual character progression plot. Instead it's discarded for more 'Huntl*w moments.' Which is absurd. It's far, far too late into the show for Hunter to have a canon romance. He deserved to have his identity crisis and other issues addressed in the story, not have some rushed last-minute romance shoved in there, something that feels completely out of place, forced, and not organic at all because clearly there was no time and space to develop a romance properly. It's just insulting.

(EDITED TO ADD: Amity suffered a lot from too much focus on romance too. Her character had so much interesting potential, but she became little more then “Luz’s girlfriend” and Amity’s plotlines with her parents and siblings were shoved to the backburner. Her reconcilation with Willow likewise was shoved aside and it made it super uncomfortable because it made it seem like she only cared about Luz. Amtiy never truly apologized to Willow for all the years she tormented her, nor did she take full responsibility for her choices and actions, and I don’t believe that’s because Amity is a bad person. I believe it’s simply because the writers did not priorotize that story. So it never got told. This sucks, because we ended up with an Amity whose character was never properly explored or developed.)

With Eda, even she didn't escape the downsides of too much focus on romance. Eda's story throughout this show has been one of my favorite things. Her curse was really relatable for a person who suffers from long-term mental health issues. (Many people with chronic health issues also relate to her a lot.) Her story has been about how she has battled with and eventually come to terms with her curse and how it's impacted her life and her relationships. But in the last few episodes leading up to the finale, the focus has been mostly on Raeda angst. I would argue the focus has been a little too much on Raeda, because I always find it more fulfilling and enjoyable when we use her screentime for how she's learned to open her heart again to the people in her life (everyone.... her sister, mom, dad, Luz, King, not just Raine).

Let me assure folks: I don't hate romance. I'm a shipper and this is a shipping acount, for pete's sake, of course I don't hate it. Nor do I hate L*mity or Huntl*w (they're just not my cuppa tea). I just think the writers ended up focusing too much on the romances and when they did, it took something very important away from the show. This show is about found family and friendships and deeper life lessons, too, not just romances. Or at least, it used to be.

I know I'm being very critical here, but it's only because it saddened me to see a show that started off so strong, slowly derail into this. I have no doubt a major factor in all this was the crunch time/cancellation, of course. It's just a shame that when the writers chose what parts to sacrifice . . . welp. If you weren't a romance you didn't get priority. 🥲 I still hold out hope the S3 specials might give a little more room for Hunter's character arc and other plot points, but we'll see. Let's just say I'm not holding my breath, heh.

(RANT END)

Anyway, that was probably way too many words in answer to your question, haha. Thanks again for your support. As long as these two nerds continue to give me joy I'll continue to write about them.

#asks #anon #goldenlight #toh #long post #tohspoilers

19 notes · View notes

mercifuldeaths · 2 years

Note

Hey I saw your tags on that reblog about the Armand casting and you said that you were upset after hearing a talk by Anne. As a fellow AR hater, do you mind me asking what she said? I'm just curious, no pressure tho

Hey! oh yeah I could give you the run down. She didn't specifically say anything about Armand but...yeah, it just wasn't a pleasant experience. I'm so sorry I feel like this is going to be a whole long rant full of run on sentences--

It was awhile ago so I don't remember it all completely and totally but I do remember being disappointed that she hardly talked about the Vampire Chronicles.

She actually didn't speak all that much (maybe 20mins out of the hour or so). Her publisher (or editor? Someone from the publishing house) spoke a lot on their relationship as collaborators and Anne played into it but basically implied that she did all the hard work and only took notes when she thought it was important to. And the editor laughed and said that she stopped giving Anne notes because she knew Anne wouldn't take them.

Mostly she went off on tangents about her jesus series which didn't make a whole lot of sense to me as this was a Prince Lestat event and I personally had no interest in any of her other series except VC. And she threw quite a bit of shade at people who didn't enjoy any of her other works.

If I recall correctly this was the release day event- meaning nobody in the audience had read the book yet. We were all expecting a sort of return to normalcy in the books (not TotBT/Memnoch type plots) and she talked about how in all her previous books she was closing doors on characters and she was shutting down good things from happening, so with PL and the following books she wanted to open things up again. Which I was all for!

However, it was at this point that I think I cracked open PL just to skim for Louis (I needed to see if this poor man had at least a footnote) and I remember coming across Lestat attacking David in a forest or something? Something about it didn't sit right with me. (Totally understand that this bit was personal and had nothing to do with Anne herself or her interview but it just set the tone for the rest of the evening, I think.)

One part I have hammered into my brain is when she said how she has a separate computer screen in her office with all of the characters summaries, names, etc. SPECIFICALLY SAYING that she keeps it open to spell the characters' names correctly. Someone call my boy Daniel MOLLOY because I think he has a bone to pick.

The movie was discussed and she said that Tom was horrible but also amazing and he was fantastic but he also wasn't Lestat and didn't look enough like him but also that he had a deep respect for the material and transformed into Lestat....like. Pick a side, did you like it or nah.

OH- the more I'm writing the more I'm remembering omfg

Her editor said that she asked Anne to cut gay sex scenes because it wasn't right for the 'age' they were in. I interpreted this to mean the AIDS crisis-obviously implying that gay sex was to be avoided in literature. I understand this because at the time it was groundbreaking and could have stopped the book from getting published at all, but the fact that Anne nor her publisher would even say HIV/AIDS in the year 2014 gave me the ick. They skirted around the issue when I thought it could have been a really interesting conversation discussing publishing a 'controversial' novel. In short, they laughed off a serious issue that fundamentally changed the books and her vampire lore.

So. Her talkback alone wasn't TOO bad. Mostly boring, if I'm being honest. I just figured she had a bit of an ego and was an out of touch older woman. (This was before I had done any research on her. This was my first exposure to Anne. Oh god if I only knew what I know now lmao)

But what really made me an AR hater was how she interacted with people at the meet and greet.

I remember walking into the room and still being on line so I could watch her talk to people and take photos. Everyone there was lovely. The whole crowd was buzzing.

What charm Anne had on stage at the interview was completely gone. She was cold and really seemed like she didn't want to be there now that she had her say up on stage.

She was cold to me, but I got my signed copy and photo. I told her that the books meant a lot to me and that Lestat taught me that it's okay to be unapologetically myself at a time when I was still learning who exactly I was. No response. Ouch.

What really floored me was when my friend (who was next in line) told her how the books had been a safe haven for him and ultimately inspired him to come out. She gave a half hearted laugh and said 'as if I haven't heard that before'

I'm just happy Armand wasn't brought up because I think that would have been.....yep. And Louis's name was not mentioned- not even ONCE the entire evening.

Anywayyyy, my signed copy of Prince Lestat sits on my bookshelf still unread, collecting dust, because she put such a bad taste in my mouth.

#aaaand that's it #sorry for the ramble #it all just kinda came out in word vomit #vc #asks #maybe it wasn't THAT bad #like shes said worse for SURE #but ouch. i think the meet and greet just hurt

11 notes · View notes

doctapuella · 2 years

Text

getting thoughts out of my head (nothing angry or ranty or timely, just rambling)

i've been doing a lot of looking through old notebooks and papers of mine, and reflecting a lot on this whole "art" thing i've been into. looking at some commonalities from over the past couple years and what's been consistent and what i'm drawn to more. and i wanted to put in writing for myself: i think i'm most into

repeated patterns, but not like too much repetition bold line clothing (not necessarily the clothing itself, but the aesthetics of it somehow) bold colors and contrasts

when i make something (usually some kind of drawing or painting) with those qualities, i tend to be a lot happier with the result than when i do anything else.

i'm trying to also get past the hurdle of feeling like i "have to" do realistic representations. i don't! so much good art (and most of my favorite art in the world) is representative and not realistic! and it's fantastic! and so i am working on getting myself away from that impulse, to feel like i have to do everything a certain way in order for it to be valid.

i keep telling myself (always, but especially the past two days) that art is some Important Thing and i should be trying to work from some Big Great Inspiration, and if things feel overwhelming in life then i should pull from that and Create. except! i don't want to! for me it's an escape. i want to make silly little trivial art inspired by the musicians i like and listen to. it doesn't need to be any deeper than that. all it "means" is that i like music and musicians.

plus, so many of them wear such distinctive clothes, it's like a never-ending fountain of inspiration. it's just a nice way to spend time and that's all it has to be. i'm happy!?!

#this is a self pep talk for not overthinking when i work on art stuff #its okay if its something simple! it can still be art to me!#and i really like some of the stuff i've painted #so i might post some of it #idk though i dont want anyone to feel pressured to compliment it #its fine if its ignored! i just like having a little digital record of it #i want to be more comfortable with putting myself out there like that though #but pls know im being genuine when i say nobody has to interact with it #just dont be outright mean lmao

3 notes · View notes

haechanhues · 3 years

Text

Dare I Say

pairing : secret boyfriend!sunghoon x reader (+ jay x reader)

genre : fluff. a little angst. nothing too heartbreaking dw.

warnings : uhh i think we’re all good pls tell me if there’s anything though and then i’ll fix it right away.

summary : when everyone thinks you’re dating jay when really you’re dating sunghoon.

inspiration : L<3DK 2.

Sunghoon is on the basketball team

He’s intelligent

He’s diligent

Always willing to learn more and to perfect his skillsets

Everyone loves him for it

He’s popular you see

He’s got a lot of fans - you included

You,

You are not so popular - nobody really knows you past the general things like your name, your year level or your favourite animal

You’re not bullied or anything

Some people are nice to you, others aren’t and some people don’t even know who you are

You’ve got your own friends whom you love and always want to see

Normal.

The one thing that’d ruin it all?

If people discovered Sunghoon was your boyfriend

If people discovered Sunghoon was your boyfriend and you both lived together

You’re unsure where the feelings stemmed from

He had confessed to you under the moonlight and you had twirled your fingers over his palm

You confessed under the shared blanket

He had smiled at you with the biggest grin

You wanted to frame the moment for you to see all the time

He likes to make you shy - leaning into you in public or private

Daring to touch you like all boyfriends do their significant others

He thinks you’re cute when you’re bashful

You just think he’s cool

You’re both recently into cooking and outdoing each other in the kitchen

Loser does the dishes

It had been a goal of his to perfect a dish to impress your mother with

In private you were both comfortable and enjoy each other’s company in whole

In public it was a little adventure

You talked in public.

Kind of.

You communicate through a changing bookmark in a particular book

Decided so because you had accidentally hit his head with the book

(Real romantic)

Sunghoon wanted you to meet his friends

Naturally

By being introduced to each other

Not to have Jay come waltzing in like he owned the place

He was nice though

He had sat down with you both on a little makeshift dinner table eyeing the two of you with a weirdly scorned expression on his face

You and Jay shared your first known common interest that night

Awkwardness

Jay though, wanting to get to know his best friend’s girlfriend

Got to know you

He made sure you were okay

He had also made the mistake of teasing Sunghoon over your little communciation device

‘Is that from your lover?’

He sang as Jake looked at them both with surprised eyes

Jay paused

‘He doesn’t know?’

Sunghoon glared at him

‘No.’

Unbeknownest to them all, one of the girls had overheard

Rumour mill went crazy

Though after some time after the boys started being extra cautious of their words and their actions did the rumours clear away

Though, you and Jay now spent a lot of time together

He suddenly talked to you a lot more

Interacted with you

‘Are you dating?’

‘No!’

‘You don’t have to say it that fast.’

At lunch one day Sunghoon pauses at the meal in front of him

‘Does everyone get this?’

Jay nods

‘They can’t eat this,’ Sunghoon shakes his head with a slight panic

‘Don’t worry. I’ve got the other meal plan.’

He gets up to swap his meal smiling at your grateful demeanour and the wide eyed collection of people staring at him

‘They can’t eat this’

Sunghoon showed you both the cold shoulder (Jay more than you)

People began to think you and Jay were dating

As a circumstance, Sunghoon becomes quite protective and slightly more intimate as the dating ‘scandal’ between the two of you escalates

Some people start to harass you for dating Jay

In which Jay becomes more open with his protectiveness

People think it’s cute

Though they didn’t see Jay look at Sunghoon for validation

Or the subtle nod in which Sunghoon had agreed

Jay began to come over a lot

Learning about whatever you teach him

Sunghoon becomes busy

Really busy

So busy that he can’t protect you or anything

Just so busy that your schedules don’t meet too well

At home he just wants to watch you and make sure you’re okay

But he can’t do that if Jay is over all the time

Sunghoon’s jealous

One time though you are depressed and sad

He warms his heart again

You want him and only him

Sunghoon comforts you on the park bench at night

‘At this rate, we’re gonna be that couple that sleeps on park benches.’

You and Jay start to argue like they’re a couple

Your relationship goes public

People always say shit like ‘always knew you two were dating’

‘I always shipped the two of you’

peer pressured to kiss

At a crossroads on what to do

You and Sunghoon have an argument

‘Were you about to kiss him?’

‘Seriously? For a fucking game’

Sunghoon is insecure about how long your relationship will last - what Jay will become, his own sob story of attachments and if he can do a good job of protecting you

He wants to have you near but also wants you happy Sunghoon has a suspicion that Jay has a crush on you

Really loves you

Wants to hold and cherish you freely

‘WHAT SHOULD I DO?’

Jay confesses to you

It makes you feel guilty and distanced

You and Jay ‘breakup’

People harrass you

But you’re just.. blank

Sunghoon confronts Jay

Pushes him at the court

Not his usual

Doesn’t care if he’s acting out

Sunghoon stands up for you when the harassment gets too much

As a boyfriend

Not in secret

In public

Makes sure you’re okay

He confesses again to you in public

Like he wanted to the first time

It embarrasses you but you’re proud of him

‘I WANT TO SHOW THE WORLD HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU’

‘DON’T CHOOSE JAY’

‘I’d never choose Jay’

‘Watch it I’m sensitive’

In the end you tell him all you wanted to say and to settle his fears

‘You still owe my mum that dish and I’m not leaving you until you give my mum what she deserves.’

note : im almost finished my assignments. i’ve got this (i don’t got it, figured I’d write a bit. This just poured out of my ass Idek if it makes sense).

#enhypenwriters #sunghoon x reader fic #enhypen sunghoon x reader fic #enhypen scenarios #enhypen bulleted #enhypen imagines #enhypen sunghoon scenarios #enhypen sunghoon bulleted #enhypen sunghoon imagines #enhypen sunghoon x reader scenarios #enhypen sunghoon x reader bulleted #enhypen sunghoon x reader imagines

136 notes · View notes

correctdangerousfellows · 4 years

Text

stuck in a love triangle between eugene and jay

anon asked: Hi! I was thinking about the situation in which the reader is stuck in a love triangle with a) Harry and Zion; b) Lawrence and Ethan; c) Eugine and Jay (I just love to imagine how annoyed Eugine would be lmao). So I would like to read your headcanons about the way the boys would react to the whole situation and how they would try to catch their crush's attention.I thought it would be a fun concept but you don't have to write it if you're uncomfortable with the idea! Thank you anyway ❤

a/n: anon i am literally so so sorry this is super late oh my god,, if you’re still sticking around here is the third piece :) it’s a bit rough so i might touch up on this in the future. i’m sorry once again and i hope you enjoy!

- eugene finds jay the most annoying motherfucker on this planet

- but he mostly keeps his annoyance for him rather tame,, like a few snide remarks there and then but they’re relatively on good terms

- until eugene finds out that jay likes YOU as well

- honestly it’s pretty obvious that jay has feelings for you, he’s an asshole to EVERYBODY except you, where he’s more shy and a lot more tamer in general. he also sucks up to you a lot and eugene is over there like,,, “grow a backbone u bastard”

- okay eugene normally wouldn’t get so riled up over this but if he loses to mf JAY........... oh god he doesn’t even want to think about it

- JEALOUS EUGENE JEALOUS EUGENE JEALOUS EUGENE

- and jay on the other hand, he knows eugene is into you as well because he’s also an asshole... to everybody... except to you as well ☠️

- he loves to talk so much shit about eugene but is super afraid of confrontation cos he’s all bark no bite

- they both give each other the most deadliest stares on the planet jfc

- jay always hanging around u like a sidekick. not in the annoying way tho but to eugene it’s pretty obnoxious LOL jay is kinda like ur wimpy guard dog (i’m so sorry i hate jay so much if u can’t tell)

- eugene always got sumn smart to say about jay he disses him every single time u bring him up

- normally he doesn’t really do romantic stuff but eugene would go out of his way to make life easier for u. and he’ll also buy u something small and nice that he thinks u would like. he’s pretty tsundere tho so he’ll just toss them to you and be like,,,,,,,,, “what. why r u staring at me >:(”

- but when jay comes around he goes nvm pls stare at me

- eugene hangs out with u a lot and tries fails to be lowkey with his shit talk. he’ll be saying stuff like “...so u know jay right..... r u friends with him or something >:((”

- jay just straight up lies about eugene sometimes to u to make him look bad, he’s a horrible liar tho so u don’t take it seriously

- jay is a pick me boy he unironically uses 🥺🥺 texting PLEASE

- eugene is a dry texter but he’s so much more interactive with you. he’s kinda insecure and doesn’t want u to feel awkward or pressured to be around him so he would send u funny pictures or memes to start conversation

- steals ur phone to delete jay’s contact 😭

- jay kinda bends to u omfg he agrees with everything u say to make u like him more

- he likes to go with the flow of ur convo but if he sees eugene he’ll be a bit more loud with his dislike for him

- these two are the only pair who would verbally fight all the time out of the 3. they both LOVE to slide the most offhanded remarks about one another and just straight up insult one another

- nobody stops them bc it’s lowkey kinda funny

- eugene wins tho bc he VIOLATES the absolute shit out of jay

- now normally... you are free to choose which boy you want but if you don’t choose eugene out of these two we’re going to have a talk outside >:(

- just kidding. the bias was real here bc i really do not like jay wtf but i can do a less biased version if ur interested!

thank you for reading!!

>lychee

#dangerous fellows #dangerous fellows eugene #dangerous fellows jay #dfel eugene #dfel jay #dfel eugene x mc #dfel jay x mc #dangerous fellows eugene x reader #dangerous fellows jay x reader #love triangle #love triangle headcanons #headcanons #dfel #otome #otome boys #otome game

125 notes · View notes

eldritch-araneae · 3 years

Note

Windblade or Optimus Prime pls :D

Lets do both! :D

First impression:

Optimus: He's the dad! And funny because some of him lines are so hilarious ( esp the booby trap one XD). He's silly and likes to have fun despite being the leader. G1 Optimus is my absolute fav <3

Windblade: Ohohoh, my first impression was Cybervers and despite anyone opinions, I absolutely loved her! She's full of sass and such amazing friend. Telepathy makes things even more interesting, and I wish this would be explored MORE outside the Cityspeaker thing. And her design is gorgeous too!

This is why she's a psychiatrist in Sparkpulse :D

Impression now:

Optimus: I still cling to G1 version of him. TFA version was also curious, but others. I don't like when Optimus is serious all the time, and despise that in laterst version he's a cop?? (and the entire motivation and how both factions are shown, esp in comics, is just...uhhh a mess!)

No, I prefer librarian dork Optimus, and tbh this is another idea that has so much potential! Something I wanna explore in my cont.

Windblade: Same, I'm sticking to Cyberverse version with more additions ( like she's also a gremlin in my AU, Bumblebee is just enables her shbhs). Idk what to think about other version as I don't know much about them. Tho I would say, the IDW2 Windblade is so weird to me...bc apparently she's a cop too (whut??) and she seem dismissive towards Bumblebee even tho they are friends? Not for me.

Favorite moment:

Optimus: Every silly moment with him is a gem. I can't get enough of the idea of faction leader who occasionally will go "Oh look, a boobie trap that actually catches boobies" and "I will use my delicate lockpicking technique" and just blasts the fucking door XD

Windblade: Oh this is too many I cant choose ahaha! Every single interaction with Bumblebee is priceless and interesting how she was growing more relaxed around him and had fun! Being a Cityspeaker is sure a lot of pressure, and seeing her being herself when she makes a friend is precious.)

Idea for a story:

Optimus: In my cont I wanna explore the idea of Optimus being librarian, being kind and caring, but at the same he's not naive and hard to manipulate! He's a person who KNOWS history and aware and when he see it's repeating itself. Optimus is the rebel here, and knows how to deal with rich.

Windblade: I will dive deep into her telepathy and expand this idea. While Cityspeaker lore is interesting, imagine the possibilities when she can enter one's mind who, for example, suffered from mnemosurgery and try to help her patients to regain lost memories. Or at least some traces.

Windblade is a memory detective, who find pieces of information in her patient mind and put them together. Ans ofc, as psychiatrist she can use her abilities in therapy ( dont worry, anything done with consent!). So many possibilities!

Unpopular opinion:

Optimus: I don't have any.

Windblade: Cyberverse Windy is not terrible character and ppl's hate towards her is weird. I won't be surprised it's because she's friends with Bumblebee and many ppl hate him...so yeah...

Favorite relationship:

Optimus: It's interesting to see his dynamic with Megatron, since in many version they used to be friends, and then thing went to shit. In my cont there is a lot of drama between two because each believes the other sided with Functionists....but there only one belief is true.

Windblade: With Bumblebee 100%! Their friendship in Cyberverse is so, so good! My aroace ass was so damn happy seeing a such good platonic relationship that is deep. This dynamic gave me such strong Ghibli vibes bc in those movies love was always portrait as something mundane, something that always exist by your side, that you don't gave to go on the huge quest to find and prove it!

And so same with Windblade and Bumblebee! They just feel good with each, they don't need to throw vows and sacrifices for each other to prove how much they love. It's little things, like hugs, playing Cube with each other, drinking at Maccadam's, Windblade giggling every time Bumblebee does something silly and more.

Love it's just there, and gooooooosh I want MORE!

Favorite headcanon:

Optimus: He's a memelord! Mememus Prime! No one shall escape him. Prowl is crying in the corner.

Windblade: She's absolute gremlin! She's a gremlin in disguise who will cover Bee's and Sari's asses while they commit mischief. Nobody suspect anything bc cmon, she's a psychiatrist and super powerful thelepath and Cityspeaker. She's must be a very serious mech, right? WRONG!

#sparkpulse au #ask meme #optimus prime #windblade

25 notes · View notes

pridewhatpride · 3 years

Note

omg pls talk more about GX rival shipping once the transfer students come

Dear anon, I love you for asking this of me, but I have to wonder if you want everyone who follows me to start hating me.

Long post coming up? You know it. I apologise to all Johan fans, he's great and I loved him and his deck as a child. Now I'm just salty because he's too perfect. Warning because this is a mess of unrequited feelings and it's an all around bad time if you ship anything in gx. I did mention I do not practice self care in a previous post of mine. Enjoy your pain c:

So here are my bad takes of the day, under the very handy cut!

You see, gx rivalshipping becomes a lot more complicated and angsty when the transfer students arrive. The dynamic changes. If there is a dynamic at all. I mean, imagine yourself in Manjoume's shoes. You've lowkey had a crush on this dumb guy who kind of ruined your life (but actually improved it and freed you from the restraints your family imposed on you), just to watch a handsome scandinavian dude who is a lot more muscular than you are and maybe a little bit nicer, maybe just waltz in and completely captivate said dumb guy's attention. Just when you had managed to admit your own feelings to yourself.

Johan comes in and steals the room, everybody loves him, he's good looking, charismatic, kind and has a magical exclusive shiny sparkling deck at his disposal that he uses as if it was the most natural thing in the world, like he hadn't received approval Pegasus himself on top of the duel spirits. And Judai clearly can't get enough of it, because he's always seeking him out, ever since the duel they had in front of everyone, and Manjoume finds that he's really annoyed by it. He wishes he'd been chosen for the demonstration, deluding himself into believing that if he'd won, Judai would have never started caring so damn much about Johan. But a part of him knows he would have probably lost and that even if he hadn't, Judai would have not cared about the outcome at all. It's nice to think that winning a card game can solve all your problems, but, while Manjoume has only ever experienced how much losing one can mess with your life goals, he isn't stupid enough to think that winning would grant him happiness. Not anymore. No well-thought-out strategy can rid him of his bad temper and his worthless pride.

The thing is, he can't really hate Johan, because nobody can hate Johan. He's just the perfect picture of everything Manjoume isn't and, going by everyone's reaction, the fact that 'everyone is unique in their own way and worthy of love' is absolute bullshit. There clearly is an objective better one of the two and Manjoume is very aware that he isn't it. And he'd probably begrundgingly be cool with it, after all he'd accepted that Jaden was braver than him, that Asuka was emotionally stronger and more resolute, that Daichi was smarter, not to mention how much plain better than him his fomer upperclassmen were. Forget about pros like Edo, whom Judai had stood on equal grounds with. But Judai is clearly playing favourites, too, hell, he hardly even acknowledges Manjoume.

He finds himself forcibly removed from his already shaky position as rival, because now Johan is there to take it up, on top of the titles of 'best friend' and 'emotional support and crutch' and 'maybe something else I'd really rather not know'.

Manjoume just generally hates it all. He might have changed and improved himself, but there is no saving him from the fact that some people were just better. That doesn't stop him from trying. But again he finds himself pitted against Judai, the irony of his fate never giving him a moment to rest. Manipulated and turned into the enemy of those he cares about, again.

A part of him despises how good it feels to learn that Johan has gone missing, but Judai is screaming like his arms have been torn off and while he hates that it's all for Johan, he hates that Judai is in pain even more. Judai had saved him before and it's only right for him to return the favour. So he insists on helping him on his stupidly risky plan to save Johan. And it's all to get the old Judai back.

...The rest, from Manjoume's perspective is a mess. His feelings of anger stem from the hatred he harbours towards himself and the bond between Judai and Johan. He'd been trying to help, he had, he sincerely had, but everything just swirled together and the next thing he knows is that he is shouting at Judai because it suddenly made sense to guilt trip him over the fact that he'd abandoned his friends, he'd abandoned him as soon as someone better had come into the picture. And it was Judai's fault for letting them- him believe that he cared when he didn't, when he couldn't have cared less, because clearly he had one priority only and that was Johan. They had come to help and it still wasn't being appreciated.

Disappearing is a relief, for a moment, but then he finds himself in another hellish place and he can't help but think that it's retribution for being so upset over something that has nothing to do with him. That's right. It's his own fault for making Judai, his only real friend (aside from Fubuki, sorry for breaking the immersion, but I love Fubuki), carry the burden of the stupid hopes that came with his feelings. Judai has no fault. Johan has no fault. It's his own for desiring something that would always be out of reach.

As he is tortured by his own thoughts and regrets in the other dimension, Manjoume silently wishes his words meant nothing to Judai, that he'd be spared the pain of betrayal. He wishes Judai can achieve his goal.

When Shou appears to him, he knows there is no time to waste. If he is alive, the others are, too. Judai would want to know that they are safe. So he asks Shou to carry his message, along with his good luck wish. He hopes it's enough to make up for his mistakes.

Next thing he knows, they are back at DA, Judai is nowhere to be seen. Manjoume mourns the loss of his first and only friend and curses himself for tarnishing that memory. (Judai's return and season 4 would be too much to cover, this was only Manjoume's pov and I might as well just rewrite the entire show at this point.)

So what about Judai?

I personally want to believe that he genuinely does like Manjoume at some point. But as much as it pains me to admit it, season 3 just wrote Manjoume off from the list of main characters and relegated him to 'he's your funny comic relief, nobody really gives a shit about what he thinks or feels, so why should you, the spectator who has grown to love him, care at all? Also here's his sticker that confirms that Judai going after Johan makes him really angry for some reason, make of that what you will c:' (fuck the writing staff, I'm not even sorry).

Judai is so clearly smitten with Johan. It seems to me that his refusal to accept Manjoume's help that one time on the cliff shows that Judai doesn't really understand the way Jun operates. He probably labeled him as just someone else who counted on him to be saved. And sure, Manjoume is saved by Judai in multiple occasions, but he doesn't ever really... ask for it? Or more importantly expect it. He doesn't get himself into situations he can't handle because Judai can save him anyways, the trouble just kind of happens at him and more often than not he's only involved by accident, because he happens to be close to Judai.

The problem still stands, as season 3 starts, Judai is very much burdened by everyone's expectations and Johan is a breath of fresh air and the only one Judai actually considers a friend and an equal. It's heartbreaking that he felt that alone.

They get their gay 'have we met somewhere before moment', they duel gaily, they homoerotically tell eachother how admirable the other is, they shamelessly flirt and whoohoo Judai has an unofficial boyfriend and who can blame him for concentrating on him along with wanting to escape the pressure his former gang unknowingly laid on him.

But yeah, Judai in season 3 has a one track mind and it's hard not to see it as romantic. Does he know it is? Maybe? I honestly don't know. I feel like Johan is the one of the two who is aware of the implications of their interactions. Which also kind of brings me to say... does Johan think that all of Judai's friends are horrible people? Because he never once comments on how Judai distances himself from them once he arrives. He probably thinks they were never good friends in the first place.

Judai probably excuses his attentions towards Johan with the fact that they are alike because they can see spirits, but then he rememebers that so can Manjoume and maybe he feels guilty for a second, but Johan cracks a joke and Judai laughs and thinks to himself that Manjoume is probably happy to have the peace and quiet he so often claimed to want.

Like... I think a part of him would get that tightness in his chest because it's like he's betrayed someone, but he knows he hasn't, because there isn't any actual mutual agreement he's going against. So he lets himself fall deeper into the comfort of Johan's presence. Johan is, to Judai, the ideal person. He is exactly who Judai wants to become. Judai admires him very deeply and strives to be more like him, but he falls gradually into despair as he learns, once Johan is gone, that no, he can't be like him, because Johan is so much better than him, and if he doesn't get him back soon he might even forget what he was like in the first place. Johan can't be erased, can't be forgotten. And Judai feels like he's vanishing already, so he throws himself into a wild interdimensional manhunt to save his hopes for the future.

Turns out that wanting to do good doens't always result in a good outcome. That's what Judai learns when Manjoume lashes out at him just seconds before disappearing. Along with the others, too. Judai doesn't even have the brain power to compute that some people are still there, that he can still save someone, because he realised then that he had focused so much on Johan that he'd completely overlooked the fact that while his friends relied on him a little too much, they hadn't meant any harm. And if he'd just told them, maybe they would have been fine, they could've cooperated- but Manjoume had told him that he was a traitor, that he'd doomed them with his irrational behaviour.

Manjoume's last words to him had been spoken with hatred and Judai realised only then that he had misread him entirely. He lets despair and self hatred take over as he realises that if he had managed to hurt the ones he cared about so easily, discarding them for the new good thing, he could just keep doing that. And it would stop hurting, eventually.

I like to think that Manjoume really does have an impact on the awakening of the Supreme King. Yeah, I know he only turns once Johan's death is mentioned, I know. I just suffer from abandonment issues and can't stand that Manjoume dying in front of him is more impactful to Judai than a guy who literally can't be trusted saying "Joke's on you, the one you're looking for is in another castle already dead."

So yeah. That's the angsty overview.

TL;DR Johan is an Adonis, Judai is smitten and Manjoume is very very heartbroken. But actually so is Judai. Because while being with Johan feels right, there's someone whose absence feels wrong, but he doesn't allow himself to dwell on it and everything goes to shit. All around a bad time for everyone and they'll have a lot of talking to do once they properly reconcile after graduation.

#blame anon not me #i advise you don't read this even if i spent actual hours on this #projection time #ygo #yugioh #ýgo gx #yugioh gx #judai yuki #yuki judai #jaden yuki #manjoume jun #jun manjoume #chazz princeton #gx rivalshipping #mentions of spiritshipping #like it's basically canon in the show no way around it #ulri doesn't like johan and it's time to get cancelled for it #enjoy your pain anon #i'm legit so fucking sorry

29 notes · View notes

flame-shadow · 3 years

Text

Leisken the Lonely

[headsup- this one has some minor child abuse and bad parents, although it's implied that they get what they deserve in the end]

---

Things are getting worse.

The butterfly doesn’t talk much, but they listen plenty. Apparently, they’re safe to share secrets around. Is it because nobody would listen to them? Because of their stutter? Or because they’re viewed as less than a bug, less than an actual member of society? They don’t know, and it doesn’t really matter which reason because it’s probably all of those reasons anyway.

They stifle a yawn, waft their wings, and hold them out again for the fancy bugs nearby to view. A late night party with rich food and fermented drinks and plenty of whispers and gossip.

Rumors of sickness. Famine. Disputes. Violent disagreements. Should we leave the City? It’s probably more dangerous beyond. Have you heard if they’re going to close the gates? That would protect us, right?

Leisken fans their wings again. They feel warm. Cautiously, they turn their head to observe more of the room. Is anyone else feeling this heat? It… doesn’t look like it. They must be imagining it. Maybe it’s not having drunk anything in a while. Maybe it’s the discomfort of what they’re hearing. Maybe it’s…

YOU COULD KILL THEM, YOU KNOW.

Leisken jolts off their stool, falling to an undignified heap. Immediately, they attempt to scramble to their feet, but already Mother is storming over, her skirts and scarves roiling. With a tight grip on their arm, she jerks them up and drags them to the side of the room, away from the nearest cluster of socializing guests.

“What did you do?” she hisses.

“I-I-I j-jj- I just-” Leisken stammers, trying to keep from pulling away.

“What is it this time?”

“Mm-mm.. It’s-s-”

“Weakness is what it is. You’re supposed to be working on that.”

“I c-cann- I’ll d-do bbetter- I’ll j-just-” They turn their head to look at their stool. They’ll sit there if it means-

“No. No no no, you’re done. You ruined it. If I let you go back out there..." She clicks in aggravation. "But I won’t. You don’t deserve that. To your room. Don’t bother any of the servants. Don’t leave until I come for you.”

Their wings droop.

“None of that. Retain your dignity.”

Leisken obediently fixes their wings to an approved angle. They notice Father standing nearby wearing his guests-think-I’m-just-a-little-bored-but-actually-I’m-furious-at-you face. It’s hard to keep their wings from drooping again.

Mother waves her hand. “Go on.”

Stiffly, they turn and walk at a measured pace for the nearest side door. “Sometimes, I don’t know why we keep bothering with you,” Mother says under her breath but still where Leisken can hear. They’re sure they were meant to hear it. They resolve to do better next time. They make this resolution all the time. They’re not sure they’ve actually gotten any better at anything.

They stumble, but they make it to the door and slip out, almost catching the edge of a wing in their haste to put the door between themself and the ballroom. And hopefully that voice.

Miserably, they pass by a servant conveying a tray of food to the guests without interaction.

YOU COULD KILL THEM, YOU KNOW.

They trip as they whirl around. Again on the floor. They look around a little frantically, but they quickly stay their terror as the servant, an expression of concern, stops to look at them. But they’re not supposed to interact! Leisken pushes themself to their feet and shuffles quickly away. To their room. It’s nothing special. But they can almost be alone here. Almost be safe. That’s what they pretend, anyway. It helps. A little bit. Maybe.

But they’re still warm. Uncomfortably so. It’s never warm in here.

YOU COULD KILL THEM, YOU KNOW.

Where is that voice coming from?! Nobody should be in here with them! Tremulously, they speak: “H-hello..?”

No answer.

“Pl-please… I n-n-need to- I ddon’t want to k-k-k-k…”

YOU DON’T HAVE TO WANT TO.

They breathe shakily.

ARE YOU HAPPY HERE?

Automatically, they nod, even though they’re not sure what happy feels like. They’re not supposed to reveal their discomfort, much less their misery.

Silence. Warm silence. Hot silence. Oppressive silence.

Leisken stands stiffly and waits.

A gust of cool air washes over them along with Father’s voice: “You missed the servant’s knock summoning you to breakfast. Surely, you aren’t still trying to-- Oh?”

Leisken blinks and stiffly turns to see Father standing in the doorway.

“Practicing your form? Maybe you’re finally learning. Well. Come along, it’s time for lunch.”

Weakly, Leisken follows.

----

Things carry on as they did before.

Except not really.

All those things that Leisken had heard rumors about? They are becoming more than rumors. People are getting hungry and hurt and scared. Leisken is too, but they do their best not to show it. And when they feel the heat, they expect the voice to follow. They do their best not to show a reaction to either of those.

They’re losing it. They know that. They’ve long suspected, but these are… These are hallucinations. Or something. Right? Not real. Nobody else feels the heat. Nobody else reacts to the voice. … unless everyone else is hiding their reactions too?

One day, they notice that one of their antennae aches. It’s not much, but they swear it feel hot even when the rest of their body isn’t experiencing that sensation.

“Leisken. Stay focused.”

“R-right.” they mumble, adjusting their posture.

“Honestly, it’s like you’re trying to irritate me. …I’m waiting.”

They do a quick check of themself, but everything feels positioned how she’d want it to be.

“Your antenna.”

“M-my..?” They thought they were holding them both in the same way, at the proper angle and curve. Hesitantly, they reach up to feel them. The one that always feels warm now is stiffer except for toward the end. The club part feels hotter than the rest. And heavier?

“Something the matter?”

“Mmgh.. I d-d-don’t--”

“Forget I asked,” Mother scoffs in an offended tone as she turns away.

Leisken suppresses a wince as they try to coax the stubborn antenna into an acceptable shape.

---

“Why didn’t you say anything to us about this?”

“I d-d-didn’t-t-thin-nk th--”

“You need to tell us about things like this. You understand that, right? We need you to look your best, and this? This isn’t it.” Mother holds the antenna none too gently, but Leisken can barely feel her fingers over the heat. The swollen clubbed ending throbs painfully. “This won’t do. You can’t attend the party like this. People will ask questions.”

“O-oh…” Not have to attend a party..? That’s.. That’s..! But, they shouldn’t get their hopes up. And besides, the antenna is still...

Mother snaps her fingers toward another bug. “Come here. Take them to get this fixed. If it needs to be amputated, get a prosthetic. Asymmetrical antennae are not what people want to see.”

The servant bows and takes a step nearer Leisken who doesn’t want anything amputated, but… What can they do?

---

“We’ve already had the servants stock it and move enough of our things over. We’ll go there soon enough. ...Leisken, stop playing with that. You’ll just mess it up, and with businesses closing their doors, who knows if we’d be able to get you a replacement.”

Leisken lowers their hand. They’re not used to having the prosthetic antenna. They think they look fine without it. And there are no bugs to show off to right now. Everyone here knows. And it’s not like they’re symmetrical anywhere else.

Besides, the antenna still aches, still feels warm. But that swollen bit on the end... it’s good that was removed. The orange that oozed out startled the surgeon, but the servant assured Leisken that everything would be fine. Their parents wouldn’t learn about this.

They’re soon told to pack up and be prepared to leave. But once they’re in their room, they just sit on the hard bed. What’s there to pack up? Nothing. Their room is decorated with items that other bugs have picked out for them. They don’t care to take anything with them.

They sigh and wonder when they’ll hear the voice again.

---

But it’s not until they’re in the vault, safe and secure as the City falls apart outside, that the voice deigns to talk to them again.

DO THEY REALLY THINK THEY’RE SAFE HERE?

Leisken’s breath catches.

DO THEY THINK I CAN’T REACH THEM HERE?

They close their eyes and hug their arms to their body.

“Leisken,” calls Father sharply from across the room. He’s making that face again. “It’s only been a couple weeks. You’d better keep it together.”

They nod and try to relax their body. They’re hot, but they know it’s not because of their clothes. Nor the stuffy vault they’re trapped in. Nor the constant judgmental presence of their guardians.

YOU COULD KILL THEM, YOU KNOW.

They don’t want to-

IMAGINE! NO NAGGING, NO PRESSURE TO BE PERFECT AND PRESENTABLE!

They don’t-

YOU’D FINALLY BE FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO!

They-

YOU WANT THIS.

They do.

THAT’S RIGHT. YOU COULD KILL THEM. EVERYTHING WOULD CHANGE FOR YOU.

It would.

It will.

It does.

---

It’s so dark.

IT’S SO LIGHT, YOU MEAN.

There’s no purpose for anything.

JUST LISTEN TO ME.

There’s no point in hiding the bodies. They’re all hidden down here together. Forever.

FOREVER.

Alone forever…

NOT QUITE. YOU’RE WITH ME FOREVER.

With you…

---

Time has no meaning in forever. It’s always warm and light. Nobody judges them because there’s nobody to judge. They don’t have to adjust their posture because they don’t have a body. Not really. It’s not theirs. It hasn’t been for a long time.

Leisken hasn’t been in a long time.

Leisken was their name, right? That’s… that was them?

Why does that matter now?

Why does it…

Where are their…

What’s over th…

Oh.

...

They…

They need to get out.

They fumble weakly at the locks and mechanisms. They cry and they shake and they try not to think. They’d gotten so good at not thinking.

Out! They’re out! They stumble out into the rain and collapse. What do they feel? They don’t know. But they feel. And that feels significant.

Slowly, they force themself to rise. To stand. To lean against a crumbling stone wall.

Why do they feel so cold? More cold than this rain could make them.

Why do they feel so alone? More alone than the empty streets around them.

Disorientated, confused, tired, terrified.

Leisken moves forward.

---

[bonus art because it's a mood]

#leisken #hollow knight #hollow knight oc #the radiance #mywriting #okay so this one implies things in multiple places but i believe it's still clear enough #art is old but fits well enough

36 notes · View notes