#poetry brought to you by my lovely twin

[national-hockey-gay]

—the afterlife of my lost conviction ( @doreensladle )

[mwahsturns]

First choice // Matt Sturniolo Pt 1

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

Contains: cussing, fluff, flirting, talk of death, Semi-proof read! I think that’s it let me know if there’s more! Also if there’s any grammar or spelling mistakes please ignore them 😭🙏🏻

Synopsis: Y/n works at a record store and one day while she’s working two very cute guys walk into the store but one especially catches her eye and later so happens they end up having more then just there music taste in common ;)

Word Count:1,890

Author’s notes: Hii bbys !! <3, So I’ve never written a fic before or posted on tumblr, So I’m sorry if this is bad I’m new at this please go easy on me😭🙏🏻. If you guys have any suggestions, tips or advice please message me I hope you enjoy my new series!!, this took me a very long time to come up with so I hope you love it💗.

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

The sound of music always brought me peace, I work at a record shop because I love being around vinyls and just anything music related really. I also really enjoy reading It's always brought me a sense of comfort as well as writing and poetry. Honestly it makes me really happy, and ever since I was a kid I've always written songs and maybe sang a little bit but that’s a secret. I don't know what it is but I always feel like it helps me forget about everything that’s wrong in my life, my parents died when I was 16 so it’s always been just me and my two little brothers. I love them more than anything and I'd do anything for them. Today was just a regular day at work I was putting vinyls on the racks that they go on when two guys walk into the store, I look over and give them a soft smile.

‘hii welcome let me know if you need any help finding any artist or vinyl specifically’ they smile at me and nod as one of the boys catches my eye, I’m a very shy person so I decided not to say anything unless I needed to. After a couple minutes I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned around and saw the guy who caught my eye standing in front of me. ‘hi um i wanted to ask you something’ he seemed very nervous but also very confident weird mix. ‘yes of course how can i help you’ I smiled softly at him hoping to make him more comfortable, ‘do you happen to have “circles” by Mac miller’ he says as he does a side smile. I smile at him as I think about how I also enjoy mac miller.

‘yea over here!’ i walk over and pull it off the rack, ‘this is one of my favorites’ i say chuckling, ‘i really like this one’ he says turning the vinyl around. ‘what other artists do you like?’ ‘i really like d4vd and um frank ocean oh! Omg Dominic Fike omg Tyler the creator?! is so amazing and oh my god i'm rambling im so sorry’ I blushed getting a little nervous, ‘nah you're good’ he smiles as I look up at him and smile softly. We stand there until the guy he came with comes up to him ‘woah you guys twins or am I dumb?’ ‘nahh triplets’ he says laughing ’oh cool” i say and start checking them out. ‘You're the first to not ask us a million and one questions about being triplets’ he chuckles, ‘yea nah y'all will tell me over time’ I smirk i say with my boston accent coming through a little.

‘oh so you plan on getting to know us’ he smirks a little ‘oh totally y’all look cool’ I laugh, ‘you're from boston?’ The other guy says noticing my backpack in the back with the Boston logo. ‘yes i am’ i laugh ‘us too!’ ‘What's your name?’ The guy who got my eye says ‘I’m y/n’ ‘cool im matt and hes chris’ ahh Matt hot guy hot name. ‘cool!’ I hand them the bag and me and Matt make eye contact, ‘have a good day’ ‘thanks you too’ matt says smiling at me. They walk out and i really hope i see them again.

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

  I finally got to clock out of work It was so tiring and I needed to make sure my little brothers were ok. I get to my car and get settled in and connect my phone to the aux and play “Ivy” by Frank Ocean. I’m so glad to be going home I think as I started driving I decided that I was gonna pick up a pizza for my little brothers because I got paid today and I know how much they love pizza. We aren't broke completely but we definitely struggle sometimes recently things have been rough but I finally got a promotion so it's getting a little easier I got the pizza and started heading home I got home and when i opened the door and my brothers cody and alex run up to me and ‘sissyyyy we missed you’ alex says hugging me, ‘aww i miss you too bud’ ‘sissy you bought pizza!’ Cody says looking like his eyes are gonna pop out of his head. 

 

i walk over to alexa who’s been my best friend for years, she helps me with my brothers and just around the house ‘thank you so much lex’ i say hugging her ‘Of course love that's what best friends are for’ she says smiling softly ‘wanna spend the night and when i put them to bed we can talk?’ ‘yeah okay sure’ Alexa smiles at me while i feed the boys.

I start to give the boys a shower and as i’m showering cody he looks up at me with the biggest smile on his face. ‘sissy I wanna be just like you when i grow up.’ He says playing with the bubbles, ‘aww little c i love you a lot bub and i know one day you’ll be even better than me’ i say tearing up, cody has always been more clingy to me than Alex is but not as much, cody doesn’t like to leave my side and he is the sweetest kid ever. Him saying he wants to be like me does hurt a little because I've been through a lot of shit but the fact that I look strong in his eyes makes up for it all. I put them to bed and Me Alexa got some wine and took a seat on the couch.

‘So how was your day?’ She says sitting next to me. ‘it was good omg lex these two really cute brothers came into the shop and oh my god girl’ I say blushing thinking of Matt ‘speaking of cute brothers you know the guy i was talking to?’ ‘yes why?’ ‘this is him and his brother I’d think you like him’ she turns her phone and pulls out a picture.

‘hold up hold up let me see that?!’ i say taking the phone from her ‘omg thats the cute guys that came in today’ ‘Omg?! yeah i've been talking to chris for a minute now’ ‘matt’s pretty attractive just sayin’ I couldn’t help myself but blush i don’t know what’s wrong with me fuck Y/N get it together. ‘oooo y/n has a crush?’ ‘oh shut the fuck up’ ‘oh come on you haven’t had a boyfriend since your parents died’ she says starting to get serious, ‘i know but my brothers mean the world to me lex i need to make sure there ok i don’t have the time’ I would love to give Matt a chance but i don’t know.

‘your brothers would want you to be happy y/n/n’ she says rubbing my knee, ‘I know but it's not about me being happy i need to make sure there happy i have to be a mother figure to them they need me’ ‘i get that babes but you need to remember you lost them too your only 20 rasing two kids you need to be a kid too especially since you were forced to grow up so quick’ i look at her and nod I mean I understand where she’s coming from but my brothers are all I know. ‘i love you y/n i'm just looking out for you ima head to bed goodnight love’ ‘night babes’ as she walks off and goes to into the guest room i kinda sit there think about what she said and i mean she's right but i can’t risk something happening to my brothers.  I head upstairs and head to bed because i have another day of work but holy fuck thank god it's friday. 

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

I woke up the next morning only because my alarm for work went off and i see it’s 9:44 so i know Alexa is getting my brothers ready for school I get out of the bed and i started to get ready for work. I finished getting ready for work when my younger brother Cody came into the room with tears in his eyes. ‘sis…’ he says in a sad tone I turned around quickly and scooped him into my arms ‘aww what's wrong love?’ i say concerned.

‘i don’t wanna go to school i wanna stay home with you can you please skip work..’ he says in a whiny tone, ‘Aww bub i wish i could help but you know the rules’ When i got custody of cody and alex the court gave me really strict rules to follow, i had to make sure they were always at school, they weren’t falling and that i kept a stable job and make enough money or else they would take them away. ‘I know but i hate being at school kids are mean to me and alex’ i look at him feeling bad but i don’t wanna risk losing them. ‘I’m sorry bub if i could keep you and alex with me 24/7 forever i would’ i say hugging him tightly.

* *:･ﾟ✧💒*:･ﾟ✧

i got to work over an hour ago and to say its boring is an understatement. Just as i think that i hear the bell ring meaning someone walked into the store, i look up ready to greet them and i realize its matt. ‘Matt? Hey’ i say smiling. ‘Hey um i know this might be weird but i um.. Well so my brother chris the one that was with me last time uh i found out that the girl hes been talking to happens to be your best friend right?’ ‘yeah shes my best friend’ ‘well um she kinda encouraged me to come back..’ ‘what do you mean?’ ‘well i uh wanted to see if you were willing to go out with me… you don’t have to its o-‘ he starts to say but i cut him off. ‘Sure why not’ i say smiling i don’t know what happened but he was too sweet for me to say no to.

‘Wait really?’ ‘yea i mean i can’t deny you are pretty cute..’ ‘well thank you’ he laughs damn something about the way he laughs i dont know but it feels almost addicting to listen to. ‘Uh are you free saturday?’ ‘yeah i am’ i smile ‘sweet! Ill text you’ ‘okay bye matt’ ‘bye” he blushed a little bit as he left the shop. Shit who’s gonna watch cody and alex?!                                                                   

Author’s notes:heyyy I’m back! So I hope you enjoyed the first part of this series and I’m sorry if there was any typos, spelling mistakes, etc I’ll try to fix the ones I can if I miss anything please let me know but I hope you enjoy and have a great day 💋

[thesirencult]

Pick A Card Reading : Soulmate/Forever Person/Future Spouse

(Flowers Of Romance Part 1)

Hello beautiful readers,

I decided to start a series of tarot readings that will be based on literature and specifically romance novels, poetry and letters.

Obviously this is copyrighted and if a fellow reader uses the same type of format or reposts my writing I would appreciate it if they tagged and credited me. Karma works both ways and copying someone else's work to gain a few likes and followers has its downside. I'll create a masterpost in a few days so you will be able to find all my readings into one place.

The series kicks of with quotes from "Letters To Milena" by Franz Kafka. A beautiful book that is a perfect read for the fall and winter season.

Novels keep great loves alive in their pages and even if the lovers ascend together to another level of consciousness their loving energy will forever be with us.

If you want a personal reading you can book one through direct messaging. I offer tarot readings and astrology ones (both birth charts and synastry). ONLY 15 SPOTS ARE AVAILABLE FOR TAROT AND 5 FOR ASTROLOGY ! THANK YOU GUYS 💖💖 Enjoy your reading ! It's for entertainment purposes and it's a general one, so feel free to apply everything to your own situation. Don't be shy ! Comment which pile/piles you chose 💞

Pile 1

Death, 10 Of Wands, 8 of wands

My dear,

Your soft voice echoes in the tunnels of my despair, disrupting the silence of loneliness and waking me up from the deathly sleep of emptiness. You are the light that woke me up from the slumber my love. I had lost all hope, letting go of myself into the abyss. I thought that no one would show up for me. That I was created here in this world as a mistake, without a twin soul. You're mine my beloved.

It's time to let me take the burdens off of your shoulders. I would do it all for you baby. I'll be your lover, your father, your brother, your friend. Everything for you. Will you accept me, a man beaten and bruised by fate, that you brought back to life ?

You broke the chains that held me back. When I say that I will do something I mean it. I can not wait to be with you. I'm insatiable.

Pile 2

The Magician, Knight of Cups

Babe,

Have you been good ? Because I'm extra naughty my love !

I know that I can be too aggressive and forward sometimes. My ego gets the best of me and that causes problems in our relationship. I feel it in my soul that I manifested you, like I did with everything in my life. I can be possessive and arrogant, but I swear I'll work on it for our sake.

I know I'm immature, but it's because I can not contain myself around you. You make me feel young again, like a small child in need of his favourite candy. I'm trying to romance you with flowers and chocolate and everything your heart desires but you're playing hard to get. I'll get you, I know I'll do baby. When time comes you'll be mine. I don't back down easily...

Pile 3

The Empress, The Moon, Justice

My Goddess,

Someone would think that you were made from fairy dust. Built by God as the epitome of woman. You're very feminine, kind, sensitive and watery. Your creative powers are immense and you can manifest everything your heart desires. Whatever your hands touch, turns to gold. You make me feel like a Good, because you're a Goddess. I'll worship you as a one, my sacred love.

You're like the moon. Always changeable and fertile with ideas. You have your moments,good and bad, but I still love you and adore you through everything. Your intuition is always on point. Wise yet fresh and innocent. You awoke primal instincts within me. We can not escape time my Goddess. We are bound by it. But I'm beginning to wonder, why does time seem to slow down whenever you caress me and when you let my lips touch yours, the lips of a goddess.

Sometimes I wonder if I deserve you. Do I deserve the love of a Goddess ? Always and forever yours. Yours. Yours and only yours...

Pile 4

Ace Of Swords, 2 Of Wands, Queen Of Wands

Dear Soulmate,

When I saw you, it was the first time I saw clearly. My eyes opened to your beauty and love. The blindfold was lifted and now I see. I see the clear light blue colour of the skies and hear the birds sing. You opened up my eyes to new horizons and unknown magical lands.

I finally made the choice to leap into your fountain of love. I made the choice to anchor my heart into the bottom of your deep wild oceans. I long to live with you by the sea, to honour your beautiful and gentle soul. Because, for all the sights I've seen and all the journeys I've taken around the world, our journey and you, my partner, I'll never grow tired of.

You're warm and vibrant like the sun. You keep my heart warm in the cold winters. You keep me alive my love.

Yet I feel that if I dared to fly too close to you I would get burned. The problem is that I'll be honoured to die by your scorching love.

Pile 5

The Star, Ace Of Pentacles , The Hermit

My little star,

You're so enchanting, like you came out of a fairytale. Your smile, your lips, your hair, your beautiful elegant fingers. I love kissing your petite knuckles and nuzzle my face on top of your head. You're so talented and beautiful. My lucky star. I admire you a lot. I love your magical aura.

I want to offer you the world and even though it seems like I'm promising a lot, I mean it. From the first moment I saw you I tried to hold back my feelings, to calm down and take things slowly so we could build a strong foundation.

You're a mirage. I dream of you and I have visions of those beautiful eyes. My beloved little star, you shine so bright in the darkness of the world. You're so unique.

I know that we have to take some time apart to grow separately. Don't feel lonely, I'm right here looking at the night sky, wishing and dreaming for a love like yours. I'll wrap you up in a blanket made from stardust.

Remember, every single time you look up at the sky, either at the moon and the stars or at the bright sun, I'll be there, under the same sky looking up as you do.

[almightygremlinblob]

Small KenJin Blurb

A super floofie, teenie tiny KenJin ficlet ft. mentions of Sukuna and a very down bad Kenny. I swear, these two take over my head in the most random times...

Kenjaku closes the door with enough force to nearly slam it. It was the same old boring shit. Another day of blabbering about…pretty much nothing to anyone that was desperate enough to hear him and get their validation.

Another day Kenjaku was bothered something he couldn't place.

Well, not quite.

It was actually Jin who was bothered by something - but if Jin was bothered, so was Kenjaku.

"Jin…" Kenjaku pouts and tries to kiss him - the other cringing and pushing him away instantly.

"Not this vessel, love. He's handsome but he's a complete stranger!" Jin sighs. "You know this…"

"I thought you humans liked that sort of thing." Kenjaku opens up his stitches and reveals his true self, to which Jin then tiptoes and places a gentle kiss on the curse's teeth. "I apologize, my dear."

Jin grumbles, trying to push him away and the curse sighs.

"Jin…this is ridiculous." The pout is clear in Kenjaku's voice as he gently takes his lover's chin and forces the other to look at him. "You've been acting strange all week! What is it, dearest? What's bothering you?"

"It's just…weird, knowing he'll be around again."

"Ah." Kenjaku cringes, knowing the other was talking about his twin.

"I…I-I gave myself up for him, you know?" Jin fidgets with his sweater a little, and Kenjaku gently rubs his thumb against his forehead - a mutual signal between the two to let out their thoughts or true self. "In the womb, I let myself be eaten. It was my first and last act of love for my brother. The last thing I wished for before I died was to see him again, one day. Now, I-he…d-did he turn out okay?"

"Oh, it was you…" Kenjaku covers his mouth, feigning shock as he gently shakes the other by his broad shoulders. "My lord Jin! Have you any idea what kind of monster your 'kindness' brought forth, you ignorant fool?!"

"What." Jin frowns, grumbling as the curse pokes him on the cheek. "Do I look like I care? Is he okay or not?!"

"Oh, I'm joking! I'm joking!" Kenjaku snickers, burying himself under his lover's chin - though he had to lean down a little, seeing as his new host was a bit taller than his husband. "Partly, anyways. That does explain A LOT of his beliefs. As for your question, ah…well, define 'okay' first, won't you?"

"I mean, he…he hasn't starved since, has he?" Jin sighs. "Had a roof over his head? Proper education? Stuff like that?"

"Simultaneously none and all of those." Kenjaku rubs his arms, trying to reassure the other, when he feels Jin deflate a little. "He hasn't starved, but his diet consisted of pretty much everything considered sacred at the time…and people."

"WHAT-"

"He knows how to read and write, got really good at poetry and arts, as per the times, but nobody ever taught him. He learned it himself. From gathering and making the materials, or stealing them, to actual calligraphy and watercolor techniques." Jin recieves a sorry on the head as Kenjaku continues to explain. "As for the roof over his head…he had them, mostly, by taking whatever was left after he'd destroyed the entire village or killed and ate everyone in the house. But he'd travel a lot, too. Always looking for new ways to hone his craft and for people or curses to fight. Lived life according to his beliefs."

"Goodness...I never wanted him to be hungry again, but I didn't think...well, at least he never was. It sounds like he lived a life he enjoyed, too. Even from the womb he'd be kicking and punching." Jin giggles and then sighs in relief. "I'm glad..."

"He does seem a bit lonely, though." The curse muses. "Even if he absolutely refuses to admit it."

"He hasn't made one friend in the thousand years he's lived?"

"Not one."

"What?!"

"Well...there was one person, but they're more like a servant."

"M-my god, I…"

"Don't tell me you're feeling responsible…" When Jin tenses, Kenjaku covers his mouth in disbelief. "Don't tell me you were thinking of seeing him again!"

"I-I mean, I'm his brother!"

"Jin, you're insane!"

"I know, I know. I'm not…all there. I never was…" The soft huffs of breath as Jin laughed tickled Kenjaku's neck. "But I can't help it, you know? I just-I care. That much…even after everything."

"Jin…" Kenjaku gently but firmly caresses his lover's face as he forces the other to look at his blank expression. "He ate you."

"And I allowed it! Look, I'm not an idiot okay? I know he's dangerous, b-but...I mean-I should at least-"

"JIN." Kenjaku sighs. "Enough with this! Dangerous is an understatement when it comes to your twin. Just stay here, with me. It's safer with me…"

"…can I at least see my-"

"Nope. No Yuuji, either."

Jin groans and allows himself to fully slump on the curse. "Well…thank you for at least covering half of the payment for his schools. I don't think I could make enough for both his and Dad's bills."

"Ah, yes…the geezer." Jin can hear the venom oozing from the other, and he offers him a sorry pat on the back. "Thanks for not killing Dad, also."

"Anythi-…well, almost anything for you, my dearest."

"Shame we can't do more…" Even without looking at him, Jin can feel the frown on Kenjaku's face. "I hear he's made a few friends already. I'm juuuuuust saying, it would be really nice if we could raise him together. Be a proper family…"

"Oh hush! You and I both know why we can't get too involved."

"Okay, okay!" Jin huffs. "I'll drop it already."

[stardust948]

Twins AU

Sweet 16 Birthday part 2

Zuko: Everyone find a seat. Azula's out for a jog but I brought us some time. She always jog to the end of her playlists so I added six more songs.

Zuko: You are all here because you are Azula's best friends and family and I want you to help me throw a surprise party for her! But you have to keep it a secret.

Zuko, looking at his parents: I know that won't be a problem for you two.

Ozai and Ursa: ಠ_ಠ

Kiyi: Mom said Azula doesn't want a party this year.

Zuko: I know my twin. She's devasted and we're gonna fix it!

Ursa: That's very sweet.

Ozai: We'll do anything to help.

Zuko: Of course you will. You're totally on the hook for this.

Ozai and Ursa: (T_T)

Sokka: I'm in! I want Azula's Sweet 16 to be as amazing as her!

Ozai: Careful.

Sokka, straightening up: Right! Sorry!

Zuko: Sokka, Mai, and Ty Lee, I want you to take Azula out Friday night while the rest of us get ready for the party. Don't bring her back until midnight because that's when actually birthday is.

Ursa: Midnight? Isn't that awfully late for a party?

Zuko: You mean like 16 years late, mom?

Ursa: Midnight party! Fun!

[Later]

Azula: Thanks for taking me out guys.

Sokka: No problem.

Ty Lee: Yeah it was fun!

Mai, sarcastic: Whoo...

Azula: I feel kind of bad though. I've never missed Zuko's birthday before. We should head back. It's late anyway.

Others: !!!

Sokka: I have an idea!

[After spending the last part of the night stalling]

Azula, rushing to the front door: Ugh! It's midnight! And 16 wrong turns?! Really Sokka?!

Sokka: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Azula: And I've never heard of that law that says you have to go 5 miles per hour past a graveyard!

Mai: That's just showing respect.

Azula: Wait a second. I don't hear the tsungi horn and melodramatic poetry. You guys! I missed Zuko's birthday!

Azula: *Goes inside and turns on light.*

Sokka, Ty Lee, and Mai: SUR- *sees nobody there*

Sokka: SSSSupper was great at Jasmine Dragon!

Azula: Where is everyone?

[Goes to the backyard and sees decorations]

Everyone: SURPISE!!!

Sokka, Ty Lee, and Mai: *runs in*

Ty Lee: We missed saying surprise? Are you kidding me?!

Zuko: Happy Sweet 16 Azula!

Azula: Wait this is all for me? Where's your theater party?

Zuko: There was no party. I played you. Don't feel bad though. I am a day older.

Azula: *laughs*

Mai: *clears throat* Remember us? The people you were screaming at the whole way past the graveyard.

Azula: You guys were all in on this?

Ty Lee: Suprise! *fist pumps* Yes!

Azula: Zuzu, mini golf? It's just like old times.

Zuko: We got so wrapped up in what party we wanted, we forgot the best part. Doing it together.

Ursa: That's what I said!

Ozai, patting her shoulder: Not now.

Ursa: Anyway, we made you a cake!

Azula: A Kuai ball cake?!

Ursa: 16 layers of buttercream and guilt! Mama's done. Time for my twins to get their party on! *dances*

Everyone:

Azula: Mom! We've forgiven you. Stop punishing us!

Ozai: Azula, we even got you a number six jersey because we figured you would want to change your number.

Azula: Actually, I've decided to stick with the number five. That's the day my best friend was born.

Zuko: *smiles*

Azula: Help me blow out these candles!

Zuko: Wait, let me get my phone. We gotta get a video of this! *leaves*

Kiyi: Video? Then we have to have the windmill going. Dad, would you do the honors.

Ozai: *Presses button*

Azula: I love it!

Ozai: We did a good thing today.

Kiyi: See what happens when you listen to me.

[Windmill starts going super fast and destroys the decorations and cake]

Azula: We have to turn this thing off!!!

Sokka: Don't worry birthday girl! *grabs her hand* Your hero's here!

Sokka: *Fights against the wind*

Azula: *pulls plug* Hey superhero, plug's right here.

Sokka: 👍

Zuko: *Returns and sees everyone disheveled and covered in birthday cake*

Zuko: o_o

[actual-bill-potts]

Talking with the Hobbits who had come to live on Tol Eressëa, Finrod found, was often a delight, always interesting, occasionally discomfiting.

Take for instance his fairly mild assertion that the noble cabbage, as a vegetable, could be improved upon. He was met with twin glares so fierce he was surprised he didn’t burn to ash then and there, and had to surreptitiously check his hair for burnt ends. Then he was plied with recipes that prominently featured cabbage, and not allowed to speak on any other subject until he had meekly promised to try at least five separate dishes which the Hobbits promised to prepare with their own hands.

So he had that to look forward to.

But they were very wise in the way mortals were wise, practiced in the art of letting go, embracing the joy of impermanence. Sitting with them, hearing the histories and legends of their people, was a rare pleasure; and hearing the tales of his own people from their mouths brought new meaning to the old, old words. The Tale of Fingon and Maedhros, for instance, was not tainted for them by knowledge of future horrors. It was simply a love story. Bilbo had written a poem about it; and when he recited it in his quavering voice, Finrod was moved to tears twice over: in admiration for a love that had - however briefly - conquered all evil, and for his cousins who had been so long dead.

When Bilbo came to the end of the poem, Frodo let out a long sigh. “I love that story,” he said in his light high voice. “It was my favorite when I was a tween.”

Bilbo looked at him in surprise. “It was? You never mentioned.”

A tinge of color touched Frodo’s cheeks. “No, well, I suppose I wouldn’t have at that,” he said. “It took several years after I had passed my majority for me to admit why I loved the story so much - and by then you were off in Rivendell, bothering Elrond with your impudent poetry no doubt!”

“Impudent!” said Bilbo laughing. “Well, perhaps; but he never said a word about it. That was all his stuffy advisors; and Estel of course - but he teased me for everything. Talk of impudence! I could not remark on the sun’s rising but he must say his piece about how Hobbits are so near the ground they must see the dawn well before Men and Elves, or some such rot.”

Finrod joined them in laughter. “Who was Estel?” he asked curiously. “He sounds very like Elros. For all his majesty, he could not resist offering me a step-stool whenever I greeted him, that I might look him in the eye - and I was a mere hand-span shorter than him! He took far too much delight in being taller than an Elda.”

Bilbo chuckled. “You’re more right than you know, lad; Estel is none other than Aragorn Elessar Telcontar, your - I suppose he would be grand-nephew-in-law? - and King of Gondor and Arnor in Middle-earth.”

“Really?” Finrod said in surprise. “Why was he called Estel?”

Bilbo blinked. “Has Elrond not told you?”

“I doubt Elrond has wished to speak of those days much, while the grief is so near,” Frodo said gently.

Bilbo nodded. “True enough; well then, I will tell the story,” and he told the tale of how Arathorn son of Arador had been cruelly slain when his son Aragorn was yet young, and all that followed. Some of it Finrod had heard from Elrond, and others who had come from Rivendell; but other parts of the story, such as Gilraen’s words to Elrond, were new and moved him greatly.

“High is the valor of the Edain!” he said when Bilbo had finished speaking. “They have proven it in every Age; and the Edenith no less than the Edain.”

“Yes,” said Bilbo dryly, “there are many poems to that effect, I believe. I have even composed one myself - if you count Eärendil as a Man, of course. Accounts differ.” He turned to Frodo. “But you, my lad, have not yet explained why you loved the Tale of Fingon and Maedhros so much!”

Frodo met his eyes. “Can you not guess, Uncle?”

Bilbo held his gaze for a moment; then he chuckled. “I suppose I can, at that! What a very eligible bachelor you were, for far too many years. Ah, I am sorry, Nephew.”

Frodo laughed; then sighed. “No need to apologize! How were you to know, when I did not see it myself for so long? In any case, it would not have made a difference. The Ring took all of that from me. Perhaps it was better that I was not encouraged -” he stopped. “Well! Never mind.” He looked over at Finrod. “I am sorry, Zir; we are getting into personal matters. I will leave off the reminiscing, and we will talk of happier things.”

(That was another thing that delighted Finrod about the Hobbits: they had given him another name! They called him Zir, the Wise - or so he was assured - in their own tongue. “We cannot let the Men and Dwarves get ahead of us,” Bilbo had said, upon being introduced to Finrod, “may I call you Zir? That way you can complete the set, and be called wise in every tongue.”

“Besides, he is at least twice the size of our Samwise,” Frodo had added, laughing; and although Finrod did not quite understand the connection between Samwise and Zir he was too delighted by the name to inquire further.)

But his friend was not laughing now. Finrod said gently, “You need not, if your heart is troubled. I am happy to listen.”

“Well - perhaps not now,” Frodo said, glancing slightly at his uncle; and Finrod nodded. He did not wish to grieve the old Hobbit; and he turned the conversation down happier paths with the ease of one who had once sat between Elu Thingol and Angrod at table.

But later, when he was getting up to leave, he looked into Frodo’s eyes which were so sad and tired for all their wisdom, and said on impulse, “Frodo, would you like to look at the stars with me for awhile? And Bilbo too, of course,” he added, for politeness’ sake; but Bilbo looked at the both of them from under his white brows and said, “I am too old for such Elvish nonsense! You go on, and I shall stay beside my cozy fire,” and if his eyes were full of rue they were also laughing in the way of mortals.

Finrod offered his arm to Frodo; and they went out through the little gate and settled upon a bench. Frodo tipped his head back and gazed at the Valacirca, face solemn. There were not yet many threads of silver in his hair; but the stars caught the edges of his curls and crowned him with such light that he could have been silhouetted against the vessel of Tilion.

Finrod sat quietly beside him, feeling the stars kiss his own forehead; and after a moment Frodo spoke.

“I have come into the uttermost West,” he said, “and I have been healed in body; but not even the Valar can remove the touch of the Shadow.”

“Yes,” said Finrod sadly. “If they could, much evil might have been undone.”

“Or not!” Frodo said. “Perhaps greater evil might have come from such absolute power. Or so I tell myself, anyway.”

Finrod nodded; then he asked, “Was it frowned upon, to be - as you were - in your homeland?”

Frodo laughed a little. “To look upon lads with desire, rather than lasses? It was not frowned upon, exactly; but it was not mentioned in polite company either. I was considered strange enough already without adding to my list of peculiarities!”

Puzzled, Finrod asked, “Why should you be considered strange?”

Frodo looked at him, seeming a little bemused. “You do not hesitate to place your finger on the center of a sore, do you?”

“I am sorry!” Finrod exclaimed. “I have been scolded for that since before the Sun rose; and yet I continue to - “ he paused - “put my nose where it is not wanted, as I am told they say in the Shire.”

Frodo chuckled. “It is quite alright! I was mostly teasing you; you are extraordinarily blunt for one of the Eldar.”

“I am told it is very charming,” said Finrod, hoping it was true.

“Well - perhaps! But anyway, you might as well ask why I was not considered odd; the list would be shorter. I was an orphan, and raised mostly by the Brandybucks - who are quite the wild family - and then by Bilbo, who was an eccentric old bachelor who loved to tell stories and was rumored to have bags upon bags of gold in his hobbit-hole.”

“I am sorry for your loss,” Finrod said sincerely. “It is difficult to lose a parent.”

“Thank you!” said Frodo. “I miss them every day, though I have not seen them since I was a faunt; my mother loved poetry, though she did not often write it, and my father loved to listen to her - or so I am told…but I am losing the thread. Scholars and scribes are not looked upon with particular favor in the Shire; and I was both! Besides which, I went on far too many walks, and did not eat enough, and was rather sickly as a child.”

Finrod blinked at the list. “Your homeland sounds a bit peculiar,” he remarked.

“Peculiar you might say; close-minded is another word,” said Frodo, “or simple, even. But I loved it all the same.”

“I can understand that,” said Finrod, thinking of the foolish Elves who had once dueled in the streets of Tirion in the days before the Darkening, and how he had mourned its shining walls and soaring towers for so long.

“Sauron got his hands on it before the end,” Frodo continued, “or rather Saruman did; and much of its innocence is gone, and with it a great deal of the prejudice that has long plagued it. I am - not sure I prefer it so. I had rather be laughed at, than treated so gravely; muttered about than reverenced; particularly so when I did not do much to deserve it.”

“Did you not?” said Finrod, thinking of a laita te, laita te at the end of Frodo of the Nine Fingers - for Galadriel had given him the music at once.

“I bore the Ring of Sauron,” said Frodo, “for eighteen years. Perhaps the greatest claim to heroics I have is that for seventeen of those years, while the Ring only stirred in its sleep, I behaved - decently. But the Lay does not sing of that!” He sighed. “It was wholly evil. It sought only to dominate, to grasp and whatever it might lay hands on. My hands. I thought - for so long, I thought - I am terribly depraved, I am wicked, I must be careful - I could not see a lovely lad, or even a lass, without wanting to devour them whole, I could not catch the glint of coin without thinking that ought to be mine: and I did not give in, but the evil seeped in anyway. So you see I did not really win.”

“I don’t see how you didn’t,” said Finrod; but only half his mind was on his words. The rest was thinking, in horrified fascination, of what it must have been to hold Sauron’s soul close for seventeen years. How had Frodo not gone mad?

Frodo must have seen some of what passed in his thought, for he said, “My - friends were always there. They lifted me up; reminded me what it was to laugh. Without them I would have been lost. Merry, and Pippin, and above all Sam.”

Finrod was silent; and after a moment Frodo continued, “It was almost a relief, when I was stabbed upon Weathertop; for I felt the chill of Sauron’s hand on me and it was familiar. The evil had not come from me, after all - or at least not wholly.

“And yet, with all this experience - wise by experience, my name means - I looked upon the Ring of Sauron, there in the wasteland that was Mordor, and I desired it. I still do; and its shadow lies upon my heart. I lost so utterly that there could be no recovery. Yet it is of this moment that the bards sing.”

Finrod said, “I know a little of having one’s greatest failure memorialized in song; but I cannot see failure in your actions. It seems to me,” he continued, “that a great violation was visited upon you, and that despite this terrible wound you traveled to the Dread Lands; and that by daring to set your strength against an Enemy who could have crushed you with a thought you won the freedom of all peoples. No Fingolfin are you, with mighty Ringil! Yet you came to the Black Gates nonetheless.”

He was a little in awe. Seventeen years! Of course Sauron had not been at his full strength then; but Finrod had spent only a month in the dungeons of Tol-in-Gaurhoth and he had been weary and sick at heart when he arrived in the Halls. And Sauron had not brought his full strength to bear against him anyway, after that one moment when their Songs clashed and Sauron’s had proven the greater.

Frodo had looked up sharply when Finrod began to speak. He said, “A failure! You would consider your part in the Lay of Leithian a failure?”

“My part,” said Finrod, observing the Lay with an academic eye, “narratively speaking, is to represent someone who died in chains. A fine contrast to Beren and Lúthien, no doubt!”

“You broke your chains,” Frodo pointed out.

“Ah! The shackles of immortality; those are what remained. It is even mentioned in the Lay, I believe; Finrod walks with his father Finarfin…well, I do! I cannot deny it! And in doing so, I am the anti-Lúthien: the one who did not break his chains after all.”

“Is that how you interpret it?” Frodo exclaimed. His academic nature was clearly getting the better of him. “I have always thought that you were free, at the end: free of your Oath, and the literal chains that bound you.” Then he blushed. “I am sorry! It is easy to forget that the Lay is not only a legend! It is not right to speak so.”

Finrod was slightly amused, and deeply touched. “That is very kind of you! But I do not mind it; King Felagund, who lived under the hills, is long gone. He belongs to the singers and the poets. I remember my friends Beren and Lúthien, who were young and kind; and I am glad they are loved by so many.”

“That is very strange to me!” Frodo said, “I cannot quite regard my own Lay with that kind of detached interest.”

“Yours was not written two Ages ago,” said Finrod, thinking of the first time he had heard Release from Bondage. It had - hurt. He had been glad for the chance to accord Beren and Lúthien honor; but would have happily cut himself out of the song altogether.

He grew serious. “But it was a failure. If you wish to see what true failure looks like, Cormacolindo, look to the Lay! My people rejected me; then I set my strength against Gorthaur, there in the tower I had built, and lost; if I broke free, it was too late to save any but Beren; and I - I died with my hands yet bound.”

Frodo’s face was filled with compassion; and his gaze was far away. “Sauron’s strength is great,” he whispered, “and his will is all in dominion.” Then he seemed to come back to himself. “You know,” he said, meeting Finrod’s gaze now, “I thought of you often in the Black Lands. I did not know you, of course; but I thought of the golden Elven-king who had battled Sauron and fell. It was a - comfort, of sorts. If I fell to the Ring at last, I would be in illustrious company. And then I did; it took me, body and soul.”

Finrod felt something approaching rage fill him at the thought of Sauron laying a hand on this mortal, who was so frail and small. Then Frodo smiled, seeming to catch the thought. Those bottomless eyes glinted; and as through a glass inverted, Finrod saw a strength of will so fierce and indomitable it took his breath away. Defeated this one had been at the last; but he had not come to the fight unarmed.

Frodo looked away, up to the stars again. “I still long for it,” he said quietly. “I gave up the world for it once, and I know in my heart that if it were before me again my hand would reach out, whether by my will or no. The Shadow is on me.”

“That may be,” said Finrod, “but it was not your fault that you were - violated in such a way. I know a little of such,” he added very softly.

Frodo shrugged. “My fault or no, I will carry it until I die. But the burden is perhaps lighter shared.” 

His eyes were tired; they reflected the stars. He smiled suddenly. “I thank you, you who have been named Nóm by Men, Angolodh by Elves, Zir by Hobbits! My heart becomes merry in your company.”

“I am glad,” said Finrod, “for mine is certainly in yours! I am told this is a common side effect of Hobbits!”

Frodo laughed. “Gandalf did not tell you that, surely? He is of the opinion that we are the primary cause of head-aches in Middle-earth, I believe.”

“No,” said Finrod smiling, “it was Elrond. He is quite fond of you.”

“He is quite fond of Bilbo, you mean,” said Frodo. “I cannot imagine why!”

“Can you not?” said Finrod, amused. “Elrond is quite fond of ingrates, I have noticed.”

Frodo swung around in shock, grinning. “Why, Zir, that was quite unkind of you! An insult worthy of a Hobbit Common-room! I had not imagined you had it in you.”

“I am full of surprises,” said Finrod. “You ought to invite me over for tea more often.”

“I think I will!” said Frodo. He rose slowly. “And now I think I had better get to bed. The stars cannot sustain me as they do you - to my everlasting regret!”

Hobbit and Elf parted at the gate, Frodo to bed and Finrod to the winding path down the hill. He took the path to the shoreline, seeing as he did so the light of Eärendil shining upon the ocean.

He was singing as he walked. 

[knightoile]

The Red Hand Files▪ISSUE #295 / JULY 2024

Q: I’m wondering if you have any thoughts about loneliness. I am middle-aged and richly blessed in life, with children, a husband and a good job that I enjoy. I have friends and interests, but still struggle with a sense of loneliness. It is a melancholy that varies in darkness. I don’t think anyone notices because I’m positive and often cheerful.

KARIN, ENKÖPING, SWEDEN

A: Dear Karin,

The question of loneliness comes up repeatedly in The Red Hand Files. Many people like yourself, leading apparently full and flourishing lives, seem to experience that insistent feeling of loneliness - ‘a melancholy that varies in darkness’.

Karin, I don’t have answers beyond my own experiences, which have taught me that loneliness is not simply down to our circumstances or whether others love us. Rather, it is an indisposition of the spirit brought about, in the main, by certain aspects of our lives that have been unintentionally left untended. Loneliness and lack of meaning seem to inhabit the same dark orbit. Loneliness is the breakdown of the overarching structure of things, a feeling of separateness or exclusion from the sum and substance of the world.

Philosopher, neuroscientist and psychiatrist Iain McGilchrist says we require three things to attain a meaningful life. The first is feeling part of a wider community - family, friends, and society in general. Second is an understanding of nature and a connection to the natural order of things, which McGilchrist feels we have largely lost. Finally, we need to form a relationship with the sacred or divine - this can be found in art, music, poetry and religion, where we acknowledge the ineffable and all-encompassing force that holds the world together.

Personally, I find that feelings of loneliness dissipate when I take time to focus on the sacred, the imagination, beauty, nature, the soul - those unmeasurable and mysterious wellsprings of meaning that reside outside the scientistic and the rational. Here, I feel connected to something universal, eternal, truthful and righteous and, therefore, less alone. Looking back, my most lonely times were when I was separated from my spiritual self, and perhaps I had even affected a certain protective distance from these concerns. These days, however, I try my best to maintain genuine relations with the world - with my loved ones, with nature, and with the sacred - in a comprehensive and participatory manner. Overall, I have found that this keeps the twin devils of loneliness and meaninglessness at bay.

I hope these words are of some help.

Love, Nick

[innervoiceartblog]

(via The Red Hand Files - You can ask me anything. There will be no moderator. This will be between you and me. Let's see what happens. Much love, Nick : The Red Hand Files)

ISSUE #295 / JULY 2024 “I’m wondering if you have any thoughts about loneliness. I am middle-aged and richly blessed in life, with children, a husband and a good job that I enjoy. I have friends and interests, but still struggle with a sense of loneliness. It is a melancholy that varies in darkness. I don’t think anyone notices because I’m positive and often cheerful.” ~ KARIN, ENKÖPING, SWEDEN

Dear Karin,

The question of loneliness comes up repeatedly in The Red Hand Files. Many people like yourself, leading apparently full and flourishing lives, seem to experience that insistent feeling of loneliness – ‘a melancholy that varies in darkness’.

Karin, I don’t have answers beyond my own experiences, which have taught me that loneliness is not simply down to our circumstances or whether others love us. Rather, it is an indisposition of the spirit brought about, in the main, by certain aspects of our lives that have been unintentionally left untended. Loneliness and lack of meaning seem to inhabit the same dark orbit. Loneliness is the breakdown of the overarching structure of things, a feeling of separateness or exclusion from the sum and substance of the world.

Philosopher, neuroscientist and psychiatrist Iain McGilchrist says we require three things to attain a meaningful life. The first is feeling part of a wider community – family, friends, and society in general. Second is an understanding of nature and a connection to the natural order of things, which McGilchrist feels we have largely lost. Finally, we need to form a relationship with the sacred or divine – this can be found in art, music, poetry and religion, where we acknowledge the ineffable and all-encompassing force that holds the world together.

Personally, I find that feelings of loneliness dissipate when I take time to focus on the sacred, the imagination, beauty, nature, the soul – those unmeasurable and mysterious wellsprings of meaning that reside outside the scientistic and the rational. Here, I feel connected to something universal, eternal, truthful and righteous and, therefore, less alone. Looking back, my most lonely times were when I was separated from my spiritual self, and perhaps I had even affected a certain protective distance from these concerns. These days, however, I try my best to maintain genuine relations with the world – with my loved ones, with nature, and with the sacred – in a comprehensive and participatory manner. Overall, I have found that this keeps the twin devils of loneliness and meaninglessness at bay.

I hope these words are of some help.

Love, Nick

[mosseater1973]

it’s a week before your birthday, and you take me to visit the james river. we picnic on the banks, planning our tattoos and laughing about bad poetry. there’s an old bridge on the other side- you say it looks like a fae portal, and we climb out as far as we can. i wish i hadn’t worn a skirt, but you take my picture and tell me i look beautiful.

we wander on the shoreline, and i take off my boots- they’re separating at the soles- and wade in the water to find us clam shells. left side for you, right side for me. our hands are full on the way home; clams in my right hand, ferns in your left, and fingers interlocked in the middle.

we cuddle in your bed, then make a sleep-drunken midnight run for corn dogs. we giggle and swing our arms and laugh in the elevator at the man on the street who said “fuck you two,” and i think i’ve gotten a taste of heaven.

your bed is twin size and i brought an air mattress, but we sleep together anyway. i wake up in the middle of the night and find you using my feet as a pillow, and in the morning you insist i was dreaming. then you make coffee and we share one cup between us, and i wish i didn’t have to let go of your hand every time i take a sip.

later, we sit in the park. my head rests on your knees, and i tell you something cheesy about feeling safe and warm. we watch people walk by, thinking of breathers- the exhibit at the modern art museum- and feeling like philosophers. “i love you,” you say, holding me tighter, and, as though i haven’t said it a thousand different ways already, i say it back.

[whatisurgatepolicy]

My best friend challenged me to figure out what my various Tavs would be like as origin characters, and it's been a very fun thing to consider. So here's something overly in-depth.

So let's start with Rhea Dancer (Seren Lowell), as I just finished playing her through for the second time, hahahaha.

Initial Class: Paladin (Oath of Vengeance), occasionally receives [ex-bard] dialogue options when controlled by the player due to her past.

Quest Title: Nevermore Rhea was the youngest princess of a small kingdom to the east of the Chionthar. She took part in a failed rebellion, was exiled into drow slavery, and returned to try and kill the king again, only to die because he's a level 18 archwizard and she was a level 7 bardadin. Her twin brother, a Chosen of The Raven Queen made a deal with his goddess to bring back his sister. Unfortunately, she was brought back to life about five minutes before the Nautiloid swung by. Found: hiding from intelligence devours in the crashed nautiloid, pretending she isn't hiding from intelligence devours.

Tent: Plain, blue, blue rug. A hammock on the inside. No personal effects, unless the player gives them to her. She's not used to making decisions.

Big secret: the part about being a dead royal. Rhea currently exists in a half-life, under the auspices of a death curse, and her HP will go down every day while she's in the Shadow Cursed Lands. Small secrets: her mother's family worship Sehanine Moonbow, the elven aspect of Selune. Shadowheart's occasional references to Shar worshippers killing Selunites fill her with...something.

Charming quirks: Rhea has todo lists for every occasion, and regularly writes them out for her fellow party members and the player. She has an almost criminally bad taste in men (Aradin, Volo, Barcus), gets flustered around mean women, and will absolutely and shamelessly hit on Nine Fingers if you take her to the Guild in Act 3. Is disconnected from her emotions. Got her fake name from a strip club.

Ways they embody their class: Originally a College of Lore Bard, Rhea is great at history and religion checks, and her high charisma makes her a great persuasion/deception tool. Ways they are the antithesis of their class: Rhea's low con and strength vs high dex/charisma makes her a terrible fighter unless you have her in the back with spells and archery.

Personal quest/choice: In Act 1, in the Underdark, the player is introduced to Rhea's Revenge Todo List: after escaping from the drow, she found a myconid who looked after her. Its grove was destroyed by a demon, whose name is on the Revenge Todo List. In Act 2, an option is offered to Rhea by the Raven Queen: die, become a full revenant, get strong, and finally tick off every item on her todo list. In Act 3, you can find another of her remaining brothers in Wyrm's Rock Prison. If you rescue both him and Florrick, they're eventually able to break the curse keeping her half alive and bring her back - as a bard, who'll likely never be strong enough to overthrow her father.

Live and let go of vengeance as a bard, or exist as a revenant and finally fulfil the queer dream of killing one's father. (Secret third option if romanced: you can convince her to let you go back to Lowell with her and help her assassinate her father. If she's a revenant, she'll die for good. But if she's a bard, the player can help her wrest control of the kingdom and take over. It's implied she's not super happy ruling and would prefer to be doing more important stuff. Like a ton of shrooms. If she has a good ending and neither are romanced, she'll go live on Shadowheart's farm and be entirely useless as a homesteader.)

Green Flags: gives approval options on anything around freeing others, chasing self-freedom, or protecting others. Will critique Raphael's poetry. Is immediately ride-or-die for Wyll. Loves cats and rabbits. Will do anything for a slice of afternoon tea and some cake. Red Flags: is the only companion to not give approval when the player pets Scratch. Gives approval on anything that involves parent/sibling murder. Will talk endlessly about economics and/or the philosophy of statecraft if you let her, until the only person willing to talk to her is Gale. Is definitely stealing books from the other characters.

Relationships with the others:

Lae'zel - Rhea thinks very highly of Lae'zel, and wants to be her best pal. Their parallel is that they're both part of societies ruled by an evil magic user who wants to be a god. They're foils for each other because Lae'zel is an active part of that society, whereas Rhea was a rebel. Shadowheart - Rhea has an obvious crush on Shadowheart but also doesn't want her knowing anything about her. Their parallels involve being half-elves with a history with Selune who turned to a goddess associated with ravens and shadows and have fake names. They're foils for each other because Shadowheart had her memories taken away by her goddess, whereas Rhea now works for a goddess obsessed with memory. Rhea's original name, Lowell, also means little wolf. Gale - Rhea pretends she and Gale don't get along and always has choice words for wizards, but they share a lot of the same academic references and party banter often includes them having excited discussions to the horror of the rest of the group. Their parallel is that they are both nerds. They're foils for each other because Gale accepts his nerd title, and Rhea is in denial. But also because Rhea hates wizards and the weave, and Gale is a wizard who has fucked the weave. Astarion - Rhea keeps Astarion at arm's length at first because she has the blood of an undead. But it's clear they agree on more things than not, especially vis-a-vis murder. Parallels: weird family dynamic might be the key to overcoming your current undead limitations. They're foils for each other because Rhea's could be brought back by her family, whereas Astarion could use his family to ascend. Wyll - both Rhea and Wyll are from noble families. While King outranks Grand Duke, Rhea sees Wyll as being higher up the pecking order, and a lot more put together. Despite being around the same age, she looks up to him. Parallels: noble background, both exiled by their fathers. Foils because: Wyll wishes to reconcile with his father. Rhea wishes to murder her own, and his too, actually. Karlach - Rhea is clearly intimidated by Karlach's power, but enjoys spending time with her and playing songs for her. Later, can offer Karlach comfort about dying. Parallels: both on a fast track towards death. Foils: having been through death before, Rhea is very accepting of it. Minthara - so many toxic noble in-jokes, or comments about drow culture. Rhea warms up to Minthara very quickly when she realises she hates Lolth. Parallels: both vengeance seeking lil murderers from a noble background. Foils: Minthara was high up in drow society, but Rhea was a slave under the House Mizzrym. Their experiences of the drow are very different. Halsin - Rhea refuses to acknowledge Halsin because his height makes her very insecure. Jaheira - new mammy, who is doing her best to keep her new kids in check. Parallels: both are nobles who had to leave their seat of power. Foils: Jaheira has long accepted this and embraced being a druid. Rhea would give Gale's left arm to get out of the wilderness and never sleep on the floor again. Minsc - Rhea speaks only to Boo and doesn't seem to be aware that Minsc exists as anything other than a hamster puppet. Minsc approves.

[vashhanamichi]

What would you say are your biggest writing influences?

Hmmmm this one is difficult. I can only vow for my conscious influences, I can’t tell how much reading an abridged and richly illustrated version of Dracula when I was 6 re-wired my brain for example.

Aside from the beautiful poetry of my native language, which I grew up hearing and reading, I’d say Ian McEwan’s Atonement is my greatest influence on how to tell a story. I’m yet to read a more impactful twist than the one at the end of Mr. McEwan’s Magnum Opus. In terms of vibes CLAMP’s X/1999 (and, to an extent, Tokyo Babylon) still lingers. No later work of theirs can rival the level of beauty, tragedy and passion the characters of X had, and it is still a milestone for me. Kamuy, the main character, is to me Harry’s twin from another universe:

I’m always finding something new when it comes to prose (in English) that I love, but so far my greatest influences have been flawless Nabokov, his heir apparent John Banville and the messianic Cormac McCarthy (rip king I miss you…).

I could go on though, because other books, manga and movies influence me greatly. But these are the ones that your question brought to surface quicker.

Thank you a lot for your question! I hope you liked my answer.

[stormyoceans]

Top 5 ships of 2022 💛

thank you so much for asking, anon!!!! 💜

1. puentalay – vice versa. not only my favorite pair of the year but quite possibly my favorite pair OF ALL TIME. there’s just something incredibly beautiful in the way these two characters were thrown together by extraordinary circumstances and yet fell in love in the most ordinary way, just two souls meeting and connecting and choosing each other time and time again. they went from strangers to friends to lovers in the most genuine, realistic and organic way, which is something that i personally haven’t found in many other pairings. they literally changed the trajectory of my life the game television and the fundamental make up of my entire personhood all while giving effervescent impeccable incomprehensible levels of romance tenderness vulnerability communication openness devotion derangement and love. WHO IS DOING IT LIKE THEM. NO ONE.

2. vegaspete – kinnporsche. it's the twin flame gothic doppelgänger mirroring he is more myself than i am whatever souls are made of his and mine are the same of it all!!!!!! it's watching the careful constructed mask you've built for yourself your entire life being torn apart and getting dragged kicking and screaming into the light to finally being seen for who you really are!!!!!! it's the two of them in their corners with their monstrous needs and starving themselves until they find the only person who can feed them and sate their hunger!!!!!! i know they're not everyone's cup of tea which is completely understandable but also GOD. WHAT AN ABSOLUTE FASCINATING AND COMPELLING DYNAMIC.

3. skyjao – secret crush on you. the amount of absolute joy and delightment these two brought me week after week after week almost rivals that of puentalay. a single episode would take me HOURS to go through just because i kept giggling kicking my feet screaming into a pillow at all their scenes. it was also incredibly nice to see a chubby character not only being loved but being DESIRED and encouraged to feel better about his body. they are lovely and sweet and HOT and one of the biggest surprises of this year for me.

4. togawanozue – old fashion cupcake. if i were better with words i would honestly spend hours waxing poetry about this show and these two. maybe it’s because im closer in age to them compared to the majority of pairings in BL shows, but they are just so very dear and so very important to me. their narrative is all about the possibility of discovering yourself and finding love at any age and it’s being told through what im quickly realizing it’s becoming one of my favorite tropes: food and hunger and starvation as a metaphor for intimacy.

5. danyok – not me. unlike the first four couples, it was extremely hard for me to pick one for the fifth place. there were way too many contenders and yet none of them felt as right as danyok. my feelings for them are very complicated and i don't think i will ever be able to forgive the writers for what they did to them in episode 13, but despite everything they still mean the world to me and there must be a reason if almost a year later i still can't get over them. i guess being seen for who you are and being loved anyway will never not make me lose my mind.

ask me my top 5 favorite anything

[stargazerinaboat]

July Wrap-Up

my highlights of the month

Books: During July's restless and sleepless nights, I read Elena Ferrante's "The Days of Abandonment". Once again, I was reminded of her skill of picking apart her characters to rearrange them in a new way, and how we, as readers, undergo this process along them. Side note - you can borrow this book via archive.org Poetry: In my poetry reading club, each member searched and read poems about summer. I read "August" by Louise Glück. This poem describes a summer memory the poet shared with her sister. Even though I don't have a sister, this poem brought me back to my childhood, to the summer noons I spent with my best friend doing nothing much, just waiting for the heat to pass and go out and play once more. TV & Movies: I' ve been streaming non stop "Poirot". It is based on Agatha Christie's stories, and the actors and the plot of each episode are so amazing. Nothing like a murder mystery to fill the summer nights. Music: I've been listening to the etheral music of Cocteau Twins. Elizabeth Frazer's vocals are out of this world. A favorite song of mine is "Cherry-coloured Funk".

I'd love to hear your July highlights!

[britneyshakespeare]

another tag

today is a twofer brought to you by @buddyhollyscurls

1. Are you named after anyone?

No :^) people have asked me before if I was named after Princess Diana but. No it’s just the only other name my parents could agree on for a girl. I’m the second born in a set of twins with two older brothers, so my parents never anticipated having to name another girl until they got the news.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Couple days ago over pain and health anxiety.

3. Do you have kids?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. But I have four chickens that I love dearly.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I’m generally pretty witty and jovial but I’d say I’m less sarcastic than just silly and goofy. I’m not one of those people that sees sarcasm as the funniest sort of humor; I use it sparingly. I prefer to be the joke.

5. What sports do you play/have played?

NONE lol. But watching swordfights in Shakespeare plays recently (and also a cute artist’s model I used to have a crush on) has made me have passing thoughts of “what if I tried fencing...” (never gonna happen though, especially not now with my health being what it is)

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Physically or personality-wise? If someone meets me in real life they probably notice my red hair, I suppose, since that’s a rather rare trait. But I don’t post my face all that much, especially not anymore, so it’s not like everyone who interacts with me here would first notice that. They probably notice my eclectic mix of interests and eccentric personality first. 

Although in real life I’m very reserved; I don’t share much of myself. People often pick up despite that though that I’m rather intelligent, and I don’t say that as though *I* think I’m exceptionally intelligent, but that is the way people treat me automatically sometimes when I’m not necessarily trying to show off. Idk it’s weird. I’ve always very much been the “quiet smart girl” when that’s not what I feel best represents me. It’s a very limiting role to be assigned. It’s like being written off, in a way.

7. What's your eye color?

Bleu, bleu, l’amour est bleu... 

(that is a Vicky Leandros song)

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies WITH happy endings. Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale.

9. Any special talents?

One could argue my poetry portrays some level of talent... cough follow @creatediana

10. Where were you born?

The Merrimack Valley region of New England. Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack all dressed in black black black. Fun fact that song is a reference to the Merrimack River and NOW YOU KNOW.

11. What are your hobbies?

Probably reading and writing are the major ones, but I’ve also enjoyed a lot of music in my life (both playing it and listening to it... but I’ve always been better at listening than playing). Acting and theater for a very short stint, although I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it ever again under the *very correct* circumstances (which would basically have to fall in my lap because I’m never seeking that shit out again). 

12. Do you have any pet?

My doggy Dickens who is a little bastard fucker and also my sweetheart. Dickens ‘n chickens.

13. How tall are you?

5′7″ but... I can get on my knees if you need me to be smaller

14. Favorite subject in school?

I loved all of them, truly. Especially in college, my enjoyment depended a lot more on the enthusiasm of my professor than the subject. But one thing I’ve learned to love more in recent years is science and the visual arts. Those always eluded me when I was younger. But back in the day my favorite classes were theater, English, Spanish, history, and my guitar classes. Typical humanities girly.

15. Dream job?

Job? Fuck you, pay me. 

I’m a schoolteacher.

I would like it better if it had more financial incentives and if there weren’t so many systemic failures in the education system.

I tag: uhhmmm let me see... I’ll do @sneez @david-watts @dylaissante @angelblooms @personshapedsplder @titoro @shecomesincolors @nebylitsa @porsiempretriste and @renjunnipeikko .... if you can HANDLE IT 

(or just if you want to)

(anyone can do this actually and tag me back I love you guys xoxox)

[27-royal-teas]

im gonna controversially rank every fall out boy album (writing this i am realizing HOW fucking obsessed i am with this band holy shitttttt) just for funsies and pls dont attack me these are just my opinions!!! I love all the albums there are just some I like more than others open minds open arms yk

8.) take this to your grave

Hey i know im aware its a classic but im just not a huge fan. All the songs kind of sound the same, this is true for any first album i think, especially from this time period (for instance. All time low i love you to death but put up and shut up just wasnt IT for me). its still a really good album!!! but like. Ive also only listened to saturday and grand theft autumn off of it so i guess im not much one to talk. I definitely need to give this album another try when i get the time! It’s just kind of difficult for me to listen to. Like reading lord of the rings. Everyone says it’s a classic and it’s amazing but it’s fucking DIFFICULT to get through

7.) american beauty/american psycho

Its ranked this low simply because its kind of too mainstream. There are, of course, tons of bangers (see: twin skeletons, favorite record, fourth of july) but yeah. I do end up skipping a lot of the songs on this album just cause they were really overplayed, but ive forcibly distanced myself from the more overplayed songs enough that an occasional relisten wont make me want to rip my ears off. Still a good album, (none of these are BAD ALBUMS by any means, just,,, not my favorite) 

6.) save rock and roll

Best way to come back from the dead imo. I love this album. I listened to it with the commentary queued before each song and it really did enhance the whole thing by listening to them discuss the meaning behind each one. Not a huge fan of ALL the features- i like all the songs and i wont skip most of them but i just dont really like courtney loves feature tbh shes kind of off the beat in her verse and my brain doesnt like it but other than that its a really good album. Also the youngblood chronicles have my entire heart on a plate istg

5.) from under the cork tree

I love this album i really do!! There are just other albums i like MORE. its a fantastic album full of fantastic songs (Our Lawyer and I Slept With Someone being my two favorites besides the obvious) and so many have really just become huge milestones in pop punk and emo music as we know it. This album was fucking INFLUENTIAL and really changed the entire music industry as a whole. How can you not love it??

4.) MANIA

Ah, mania, my musical wife. I love her so. I love this album so much, I don’t understand why it gets so much hate. Sure its different but i like different. It feels like there was a lot of love put into this album idk. Also there are no skips for me on this one (except for Hold Me Tight or Don’t, depending on what mood im in- ever since I found out Joe never plays guitar in that song at all it’s kind of changed my whole view of it). It really does bring to life how close the links are between music, how they’re not so far apart after all, how we can bridge the gap and make something purposeful and new. 

3.) so much (for) stardust

This was my first album cycle as a fan and i am having a marvelous time.  I feel like partly because of that its ranked so high, but i love this album to death. No skips, except maybe flu game. Loved the resurgence of pete’s slam poetry and i really do think that the orchestral arrangements brought it all together. Overall sm(f)s is a great album and im glad it was my first with them

2.) infinity on high

I seriously love this album SO much. however i do recommend watching the video for carpal tunnel of love. i think it ruined me. It’s absolutely horrifying but everyone should have the experience of being absolutely horrified by a fall out boy video at least once. Either way, great album and Hum Hallelujah is one of my favorite songs by fob. Everything on it is just so well made

1 ) folie a deux

I mean what else can i say? Its, in my opinion, the best fall out boy album of them all. The craftsmanship feels like someone really put their heart and soul into it. There is some delicate care within these walls. What A Catch makes me cry every time. My friends have heard me talk about 27 enough. Tiffany Blews is incredible. It’s just,, so FULL. idk

In conclusion you really can’t go wrong with any of fobs albums!!!! They are all hella bangers !!! Incredible masterpieces!!!! If you haven’t listened to any I highly recommend!!!!!

[rainbowratsstuff]

tigerlily

tigerlily— do you have any favorite quotes from any movies, tv shows, books, or poetry? (or from people in real life)

"You're scared. Of growing up. And who could blame you; I'm scared, too." From Dipper to Mabel in Gravity Falls. This episode makes me cry everytime, it just reminds me so much of me and my twin brother (its one of the best depictions of siblings I've ever seen) and mabel's fears of growing up and everything changing and being more apart from your twin who was always with you growing up is a very relatable fear to me when I was younger. So I really connected with Mabel and love the comfort Dipper brought to her in this scene.