#possibly doomed yuri

[professorpooopypants]

💝

Haii! I know we haven't been active here lately on this account but!!! I just wanted to quickly art dump here!! 😅😅🙏 (all of this is on my Twitter go follow me on @ieatpoop212131 if you wanna see more!! ^_^)

[quarriart]

Make me your God, I can give you everything

Redraw of a frame from Round 5 of Alien Stage

[applebees4prez]

listen you need to understand my vision kristen and kipperlilly need to be rivals (enemies?) with benefits. you KNOW kristen would feel weirdly attracted to any woman she’s supposed to hate. i need kipperlilly to say something that makes kristen need a Hot Tub Moment while the ratgrinders and bad kids are fighting. i need kristen to win the election and then kiss kipperlilly when she goes to make some sort of villainous speech. and kipperlilly swears time and time again that she’s straight she doesn’t like girls but damn if this isn’t the most correct moment in her entire life. they’re both like ugh we hate each other so much that we have to hook up the logic checks out. but then they fall in love and oops! kipperlilly’s plans are foiled and once again lesbianism saves the day!

[nonbinarylesbianherb]

I genuinely think now we're gonna get Rhaenicent. And it's going to be unbelievably tragic. All the feelings and everything that has transpired brought into one scene. Their stolen childhood and impossible young love. The hate-love relationship that festered for ten years afterwards. The fact that even after all these years and everything that has happened they still can't let go of each other. The knowledge that they're on opposite sides of a war, that the war will only end with death and destruction. A love confession maybe, a kiss, ten years too late. Knowing that loving each other just isn't enough, and that the war will go on. Knowing what they could've had, should've had with each other and finally having it, but it's too little too late. They were the start of it all, and they are the end of it all.

[coldtortelloni]

doomed yuri.....

[teapot-of-tyrahn]

Mumpearl Drabble please :3?

His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo.

PearlescentMoon has gone by many names: Peril. Farmer Queen. Santa Perla. Madre de Girasoles. The Great Lunar Neighbour. Even Moonatrix Octa. She was no stranger to deification. She'd been worshipped by a wide variety of people. By her own Helianthias, by the Harengons of Sanctuary, by Jeremys of Stratos: and, now, even by The Order of Octa. And yet, out of all these followings, out of all these flocks of religions, cults and sects dedicated to her image… there was only one she was interested in. The Mooners. Or, rather, its founder. And his name was Mumbo Jumbo. She had to admit, it was odd. She’d been worshipped by countless mortals throughout history, but this wasn't just another mindless devotee, no, before that, he had been someone she'd known; somebody she'd loved. A friend. Before he had been a Mooner he had been apart of Boatem. He still was. It was surreal to see the same man she'd laughed with, the same man who had teased her and taught her what it was like to love and be loved and be human… worship the very thing about her that wasn't. Worship the idea of her, worship the concept of a omnipotent, despotic rock in the sky, worship everything about herself she hated. She had hated being a goddess. That's why she had come to Hermitcraft in the first place. She was sick of being treated as a stagnant notion - something simultaneously too abstract to comprehend and yet something superficial enough to be classified by one word: perfect. She wasn't a person, just an idea. A deity. But Mumbo Jumbo had taught her how to be a person. No… he'd been the one who had made her a person. Or maybe he had just showed her that she had always been one. He made her laugh. Cry. Love. Hate. Learn. Live. Experience. He taught her how to feel, want, explore, be… he had showed her the wonders of this world, shown her that everything alive was sacred and unkillable, that this planet was alive and thus beautiful. He had made her fall in love with the dull world that she had grown to loathe over the centuries all over again. He had made her fall in love with him. And so, watching him fall in love, not with her — not with the genuine, real version of herself she'd become — but with postulated perception of herself she'd been trying so hard to unbecome? The dehumanized idea of what she was supposed to be? The version of herself he'd unwittingly taught her she wasn't defined by? It felt like death. It felt like she was dying. Was this heartache? Could somebody who never had a heart have it break? Pearl loved Mumbo. But Mumbo only loved the Moon. Not Pearlescent.

The moon had two faces; one of which was always hidden from sight. One face could never be seen the human eye. No matter how much they tried, no matter what they used — whether it be telescopes, binoculars, spectrometers, or observation stations… nobody could ever see the far side of the moon. Nobody could ever see her in full display. Only in facets; fragments. In some ways, Pearl resented this fact. Nobody could ever know her; not truly. Nobody could never know her in her entirety. What would happen if they knew the new Australian Hermit wasn't from Australia at all, but from the moon, anyway? No, actually, she wasn't from the moon, she was the moon. She was just the actual, literal moon. That big 'ol floating rock in the sky? The one rapidly plummeting towards their planet on a path set to destruction? Yeah, that was her. Well, not exactly her, but her divine shell, which missed its' goddess after she had taken mortal form so much it was trying to reunite with her by colliding with Hermitcraft… Oopsie-daisy, yeah, my bad, sorry about the impending doom! On the slim chance they didn't immediately kick her off the server due to her very presence being a threat not only to everyone but the world itself's safety, what would they think of her, then? If the fact half of the Hermit's first instincts were to start cults around The Moon in response to its enlargement was any indication, something told her they wouldn't treat her like a regular Hermit anymore. They'd start treating her exactly like what she'd come here to get away from: a goddess. She wouldn't be Pearl anymore. She wouldn't have friends anymore. Just followers. She hated that sometimes she considered it. Oh, how easy it would be, to tell Mumbo she was the Great Lunar Neighbour he loved so much. That she was who he'd been unknowingly worshipping this entire time; she was his goddess. Her feelings for him would be reciprocated in a heartbeat. He'd love her in the same way she loved him; endlessly and entirely. …But he wouldn't. Not really. He wouldn't love her. He'd love the idealized idea of her he thought she was, this version of her he'd made up in his head. And even saying he'd love her would be a stretch… no, he wouldn't love her. He'd revere her, worship her, exalt her… but not love. Not in the ways mortals loved each other. He wouldn't love her for who she was, but for what she was. And, so, she wouldn't tell him. Because as long as he didn't know, there was still a chance he could love her; the actual her. She just had to be patient. Though it was times like this her patience really ran thin.

"I don't understand," Mumbo sobbed; the sound was hoarse, gravelly and guttural. He hadn't slept in… nobody knew how long, and the hysteric delirium of sleep-deprivation seemed to finally be catching up with him. "I — I did… I did everything right! I'm doing everything right, I don't — I don't understand what I did wrong. What am I doing wrong?" He cried. "Shh, shh… you're not doing anything wrong, Mumbs. You didn't do anything wrong. You're perfect. You've done everything perfect," Pearl consoled him, running her fingertips' through his hair in an assuaging manner, trying to coax him to calmness in the same way somebody might try to coax a crying infant back to sleep in the late hours of the night… which, was what she was doing, really, in a sense. His locks were unkempt, disheveled and sloven, bedraggled despite the fact he hadn't touched a bed for weeks. But even in his grotty state, to her, he was still gorgeous. He was still perfect. "Then why is she still mad? I — I made her a temple, I made her altars, I built her shrines, and — and — and — I even convinced Boatem to give up their beds! I even —  I don't understand… I thought — I thought that would fix it… I thought that would make her happy, but she's still — is it not enough? Am I not doing enough..?" Mumbo sniffled as he looked at her with hollow, sunken eyes, a strange mixture of devotion and desperation on his face. His eyebags were so heavy they weighed down his cheeks' like an anchor, an anvil. "Can't she tell I love her? I — I just want to make her happy. I just want her to know — I — I just… I just want her to know how much I love her." Pearl's heart ached. I know. "She knows," she whispered, trying to keep her voice from hitching, trying to control her pitch. "She knows you love her. She… she loves you too. So, so much." I love you too. I love you so, so much. "No," Mumbo shook his head with a strangled snuffle, dismissing her words as nothing but empty consolations. He didn't know how true they really were, he didn't know they weren't just a friend's weak attempt to lift his spirits, but that they were a love confession from the very God he had devoted his entire being too. That she really did love him, too, more than he could possibly fathom. "If — if she loved me, she… she wouldn't still be upset. If she knew how much I loved her, she wouldn't be — she wouldn't still be causing earthquakes and stealing blocks, and — I just, I need — I need to try harder. I need to show her, I need her to know, I need her to see…" No, you just need to see. You just need to see it's me. I'm right here - why can't you see? I'm not mad. I was never mad. I could never be mad at you. I love you. Please, please, please… stop. I don't want this. I'd never want you to do this to yourself. But he never listened. He would never listen to Pearl; and the one voice he would listen to was one she couldn't admit was her own. It was infuriating… He loved her so, so much, too much, and yet he didn't love her at all. He could never love her while he still loved who she had been. Who had to be. He could never love her while his love for her was destroying him. It was killing him. And, so, it seemed there was only one solution. She had to make him hate her. She had to make him hate The Moon. She had to make him hate her as much as she hated herself. And with the fact he didn't already, despite the fact her old vessel had actively been spreading insanity amongst the Hermits, causing earthquakes and disasters, destroying the landscape? It would take some drastic measures. Lengths she didn't want to go to. But knew she had too. For his sake and her own.

When she'd abandoned her celestial form, she'd abandoned most of her deific abilities with it. Fortunately, not all of them. She had enough power in reserve to call upon a mite of her old body down to Earth; a meteor. Little more than an atom compared to her mass. But enough to serve as a teensy deposit of her powers she could tap into and exploit. Enough to influence those around around her with The Moon's voice. Enough to make it clear love wouldn't work. Enough to make it clear there was only one option.

"…'I must have them'? Who must she have? Who must she have? Is it us? Must she have me? Must she have Doc? Who? Who does she need…?"

"He who doth preach to us on the first day of the server… so doth shall be returned to dust first." "His name is Mumbo Jumbo."

His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo. His name is Mumbo Jumbo.

Make love, not war. But if love doesn't work… use war.

-- so. uh. you asked for a drabble. this is uh..... this is 1.8k words. i may have. i may have gotten a little carried away. approximately 18 times the requested length carried away. I'M SO SORRY. I AM....... SO SORRY. I GOT A LITTLE BIT ILL ABOUT THEM. I HOPE THIS IS OK LOL. ANYWAY. thinking about hc s8 mumbo and the moon's strange relationship......... what do you MEAN mumbo made a cult and a temple and a shrine completely dedicated to the moon? what do you MEAN the first thing the moon did when it gained control over ren and doc's minds was make them sacrifice mumbo jumbo specifically ? and then cub ALSO sacrificed [an imitation of] mumbo jumbo SPECIFICALLY to appease the moon ? the moon was JUST as insane about mumbo as mumbo was about the moon. mumpearl is real guys i don't know what to tell you they're obsessed with each other they're deranged yuri

[cassmouse]

WHY on earth is there doomed yuri EVERYWHERE. First Checkmatch and now Violentine why can my favourite girls never be happy

[trashyvanillabean]

So...

That new animated short with Acheron and Swan...

[psychojetcocktail]

my two new Fallout OCs hit me so hard, saddest yuri i’ve ever written

[caramelmochacrow]

this tragic yuri suuure is hitting huh

[crocsfroggo]

The way simon finally realized that betty sacrificed everything for him was...wonderful

I mean, Simon sacrificed himself for her too, but he never really realized what she left behind by staying with him. Even when Fiona asks, "So you got on the bus with her?" he responds, "what? why would I do that?"

And after spending time with Beth and reading Casper and Nova's book, Simon finally understands. He finally understands everything Betty sacrificed for him and his choices. He finally understands that everything could have been different if they had followed the path of Betty's choices.

And in the flashback scene, he tries to change that, he tries to go with Betty on the trip, but he knows that's not what happened. And he know that this cannot be changed.

And I think after all this time, he might finally let her go, when he stayed behind instead of going with her on the bus.

The metaphor of betty leaving on the bus and leaving simon behind was magnificent. But the metaphor of Simon being like Betty's dandelion was also extraordinary.

I mean, Betty blows him away like a dandelion, wishing he could finally live his life on his own, in peace, and the way he wants, in the happiest way possible, without having to worry to bring her back at all costs. Cuz everything that's done is done, and you can't go back.

And the way they looked each other in the eye and said how important they were, I guess this time, it was a goodbye. Not forever, but still a goodbye.

Like, they'll never stop caring about each other, and they'll always think about how each other is doing, but now they can finally live in peace. Knowing that despite the bad choices they made during their lives together, there is nothing to regret.

I saw this fan-comic other day that showed that Simon always picked up objects and pointed them at the sky, because he thought that Betty might be watching him from up there... and I like to think that's what's going to happen. They will live their lives, but they will still be looking out for each other.

After all, they are doomed yuri (hehe *crying*)

[professorpooopypants]

💝

Haiiiii guys! One quick doodl of my o cee before I go nap! 👽

(not phifhting realted but I just wanted to try an arts type ;3)

[yandere-writer-momo]

Yandere Head Canons:

Your Loyal Servant

Yandere Villainess/ Maid x Isekai Princess Fem Reader

TW: obsession, reader is trapped in the girl love/ GL book, DARK CONTENT, horror, yandere themes, cannibalism (reader consumes blood), SOMNIAPHILIA/ NONCON (nipple play), creepy behavior, abuse of power, betrayal, sapphic yearning, etc.

Della was once a princess of the shadow kingdom before she became your servant. A princess with dreams of ruling her kingdom until your kingdom invaded and decimated her home when she was eight. Your family’s knights easily seized her throne since her father had been greedy and tried to conquer your kingdom first. She could never forget the fire and death she saw that day… the day she was dragged up by her black locks and thrown into a cage on a cart to be sold off as a slave. The day her emotions died and left her an empty vessel.

Yet you were her saving grace. You were at the auction that day and you insisted to your butler that you had to buy her. “She’s my age! She can’t possibly become a slave, she’ll die!”

At first, Della was weary of you. Her small body curled up in her cage as she cowered in a fetal position. Did you purchase her to satiate some sort of sick sadistic tendency of yours? To rub in your family’s victory in her face? Della despised you… until you innocently smiled at her. Your hand outstretched to her dirty ones when your purchase was a success. “My name is (your name), what’s yours?”

And despite her current status of being a commoner, you never treated Della like one. You let her take baths with you and held her hand. You always requested her to lay beside you at night for a ‘sleepover.’ Della thought you were strange.

You often invited her for walks in your garden with you and shared your woes with her. Sometimes you’d even sneak her sweets from the tea parties you had to attend. If Della didn’t know any better, she’d say the two of you were friends. Best friends. Yet she never saw you as such. Your conversations were typically one sided.

“Della, I want you to be by my side until I’m old. Can you do that?” You were twelve when you made that request to her. Your maid smiled softly at you.

“Of course, mistress.” You puffed out your cheeks and pouted at her.

“It’s (your name)! You don’t have to be so formal with me all the time. Aren’t we friends?” Della just hummed which only made you sigh. All these years together and Della was still as stiff as a board. It would take years to tear down the walls around Della’s heart despite your attempts to be close to her… it made you terribly sad that you couldn’t tell Della your true secret. The secret that you were from another world trapped in the body of the original heroine, but you doubted she’d believe you. After all, you made it your goal to not die at the hands of this GL novel’s ice cold villainess. You did your absolute best not to let Della fall into depravity and turn to dark magic like she was supposed to in this doomed Yuri novel. You were on a mission to insure her happiness! At least not until you were ready to free her from servitude once you were married off with a nice sum of money. You didn’t want her to suffer…“I will always have your best interest in mind, Della. I just wished you’d see that…”

Even when the two of you grew older, you still insisted on spending time with Della. It often gave the poor maid a headache but she never complained. You were her mistress no matter how much she wanted to ring your pretty little neck with her hands. No matter how much your kindness secretly touched her heart. She was your loyal servant.

Della often found her cheeks flushed when the two of you became teenagers. She couldn’t believe you’d still try to get her to bathe you or lay beside you in bed. You two were practically adults now! That was indecent! Had you no shame as a lady?! Yet another thought couldn’t help but crawl into the back of Della’s mind. Was there a possibility you were attracted to her? The thought didn’t entirely bother Della. Most of the women in the empire were with other women so it wouldn’t be strange… right?

You often rained down compliments on Della but she hardly responded to them. She was still taciturn and stoic. You often felt as if you were conversing with a rock rather than your self-appointed ‘best friend.’ It made you feel even more lonely as the years went on. Were you doing this all for naught? Would Della still murder you like she would in the book? You hoped not! You still haven’t met your favorite character! The female lead! Except you weren’t the original, naive female lead that would be offed by the villainess…

As the two of you approached adulthood, you promoted her to head maid. Yet she still remained close to your side. You no longer asked her to bathe you or asked for ‘sleepovers,’ you were more lady like now. You also ceased with your compliments to her and her work, a small fact that bothered Della a bit. Didn’t you like her still? Why were you being so different?

Meanwhile you were antsy. The ball was coming up and you’d soon meet the female lead! She was a holy knight and she’d be the one to save the empire from the forces of evil… she was so cool and muscular! A butch from your sapphic dreams! You felt yourself internally fan girl out of excitement. Yet you didn’t want to express that to Della. No, you’d still remain civil with your maid since she didn’t seem to care much for your companionship…

Della brushed your hair as you sat on your stool, your hands in your lap as you hummed a soft tune to yourself.

And that’s when you dropped a bomb on Della. “I really enjoyed Stephanie’s cooking yesterday. Could you ask her to make me food again?” Stephanie? The new cook? What was so great about her cooking that made you praise her? Della was the one who doted on you. Della was the one who always took care of you.

“Ouch!” You jumped when Della accidentally tugged on your hair. “Della, that hurt-“ Your heart stopped in your chest when you glanced up at the look on Della’s face. Her eyes held a murderous glint in them which made you shudder. Oh god… was she going to hurt you?

Della snapped out of it the instant she heard your voice, she quickly bent down to make sure you were okay, but you swatted her hands away. “I’m sorry, Della… I can finish getting ready by myself.”

Della felt her world crash around her. She hadn’t meant to pull your hair… don’t kick her out. Please don’t do this… yet she couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She instead, bit her lips and bowed her head to you. She then rushed out of your room in haste. It wasn’t until Della rounded the corner of the hall that one of the other maids pointed out that her lips were bleeding.

Della absentmindedly touched her lips and frowned. Never had she been so emotional… yet all these feelings were brought out by you. Her princess… her princess that she wanted to serve forever.

“Where is Stephanie?” Della softly asked the maid who quirked a brow. The maid told Della the location of the cook in a confused tone, “oh, she’s in the kitchen. Why?” Della just gave the maid a smile. “I just have a message for her is all.”

Yes… she was the head maid so she could use that to her advantage. She’d get the ginger bitch fired. You should only compliment Della. No one else mattered.

You were surprised when a plate was placed in front of you by Della. This wasn’t Stephanie’s cooking… this looked like Della’s. “Oh? What’s this?”

“Your favorite.” Della replied in her usual stiff tone. The maid poured you a cup of your favorite tea as well. Della wasn’t wrong but you couldn’t help but feel a bit suspicious of her. Where was Stephanie? Oh well… you’d eat your meal.

Della’s green eyes studied you as she watched you eat the meal without complaint. Your face scrunched up when the meat had a bit of a strong iron taste to it, but you kept eating. Della played with the bloody bandages on her fingers as her smile grew wide. She hoped you liked the way she tasted. What better way to stay with you forever than to give you some of her blood?

When you retired for the night, Della snuck into your room to lay beside you. Her olive hands snuck under your dress to cup your chest. Her fingers pinched your nipples to see your cute reactions. She hadn’t realized how sensitive you were… did you need her to take care of your body’s needs? She’d do it. Della would do anything you asked of her… just don’t throw her away. Della pushed your dress up as she licked her lips at the sight of your bare body. What a dirty girl you were to not wear undergarments… perhaps she’d teach you a thing or two about being indecent?

You woke up the next day with sore nipples. They were a bit swollen and red and you couldn’t figure out why. You nearly cried when you accidentally touched one. Did you have an allergic reaction to your meal yesterday? No… this was just so odd.

Della dutifully entered your room and began to help you get dressed. Her green eyes filled with satisfaction from her handiwork on your nipples. You seemed so confused… like a little lamb. Della thought it was so cute.

Della began to order the other maids to work far away from you. She needed to get you to alone so she could express her feelings for you properly… so none of the other servants knew she was going to fuck you. She didn’t want any rumors to spread about her darling princess! Della would be a horrible maid if she did that…

You were a bit shocked with how touchy Della was throughout the week. She was stuck to you like a shadow now. And you had yet to see another servant other than Della attend to your needs. You found it so odd…

“Della? Where are all my personal maids?” You asked as you sat on your stool. Della scowled for a brief second before she recovered to her usual icy exterior.

“You only need me, my princess. They’re all inferior.” You froze and turned your body around to look at your maid.

“Pardon?” You’re shocked when Della’s hands grab your face. “D-Della-“

Della presses her lips to yours in a passionate kiss. Her large chest pressed against yours as she pushed you against your vanity. You’re absolutely mind boggled at this development. What was happening?! You thought Della hated you.

“Princess… my princess.” Della whispered against your lips as she reached a hand to undo her bun. Her black curls now cascaded down her back like a cape. “I’m your forever servant and only I can properly fulfill your needs. And I mean all of your needs.”

You gasped when she yanked your legs up onto her shoulders. Your eyes widened in confusion until your face flushed in realization. Della didn’t hate you… Della was obsessed with you.

“So let me please you properly, princess. I swear I won’t disappoint you.”

[webzkull]

nobody hmu i just watched the rebellion movie

possible content warning: disturbing imagery !!

ceos of doomed yuri ✊

[nottheeconomy]

The beautifully dashing leader of the phantom thieves and the charming detective princess!

My take on fem shuake!!!

I like my toxic doomed yaoi but toxic doomed Yuri hits so much harder when it comes to these two

(Brainrot under the read more!)

If Shuake were girls they would be so much more volatile than canon it’s hilarious

Honestly if Akechi was born a girl instead of a boy his already terrible life would be twice as hard hahahaha

Fem Akechi would have a much harder time willingly refraining from directly murdering shido

Like canon Akechi is this close to just shooting him in the head anytime he sees him but fem Akechi would have so much more temptation to see him dead dead dead

She’s going to have to withstand his disgustingly sexist statements with a bright smile on her face as shido says things like “oh Akechi, you’re not like those other women that only serve to further this country’s great longevity through rearing the young, you’re different, more capable.” And she needs to let those slimy words go in one ear and out if she’s going to be patient enough for him to be elected first

Not to mention she’s going to experience so much more scrutiny as a public idol since she’ll be a girl

Like in canon he already has a questionable fanbase but just imagine the weirdos that’ll idolise her as the detective princess

And she’s definitely not going to be taken as seriously by people for her detective work because people would JUST WRITE HER OFF AS A PRETTY FACE!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA JUST THE THOUGHT OF HOW MUCH HARDER FEM AKECHI HAS TO CLIMB TO THE TOP TO GET TO WHERE SHE IS!!!!!

She’s going to curate every facet of her image to make sure people takes her as seriously as possible

Her style needs to be trendy but not too trendy or people would call her vain

She needs to be careful of showing too much skin or she’ll be slutshamed

She needs to word her statements more delicately or else people would call her annoying do you see the visionnnnnnnnn

Like canon Akechi’s public mask is already so tightly wound against his face, fem Akechi’s public mask would be a full suit of armour (get it get it? Hahahahhaha)

Meanwhile! If Akira was a girl, the notion of her being a meddler when she tries to stop shido would be much stronger I think

Also I have a feeling she’s going to get harassed at shujin for having her criminal record leaked instead of how in canon everyone left Akira alone due to fear since people won’t take her assault charge as seriously

And then there’s kamoshida…eugh

So in conclusion:

I just think both of them would have so much more pent up rage than in canon hahahahahha

Like I’m sure they would’ve physically thrown hands in the boiler room of shido’s ship, like forget about the personas they’re going to throttle each other as the rest of the thieves watch hahahahahahhaa

On the bright side though I can see fem Akechi being closer to Sae and the detective princess being a role model to little girls

Hm but I have a feeling the rivalry between Akechi and Akira would feel like those early 2010s tabloid articles about how female stars had beef with each other, like it’ll be framed as something super catty hahahahaha

Man these girlies are filled with so much anger, honestly it’ll be so iconic if Akechi and Akira were written as girls but I err don’t have that much trust in Altus!

These are just my silly headcanons for fem Shuake! If you disagree with what I said it’s ok hahahahaha

[aayakashii]

(maybe) distance makes the heart grow fonder

Warning: mostly angst, depictions of anxiety and a panic attack.

Part 1

You didn’t notice how far you actually had wandered after Towa had decided to take you back to Jabberwock’s dorm. He held your hand tightly, forcing you to keep up with his awfully fast pace.

You stumbled, trying not to fall down whenever you had to jump over a loose stone or some exposed root, but you were surprised with yourself – after pouring your heart out, you thought you'd have little energy to do anything besides breathe; yet there you were, power walking behind Towa as you two made your way back to the dorm.

The sight of the quaint cottage that was Jabberwock’s dorm filled you with relief. Even though you still managed to follow Towa, you were still exhausted. Your throat burned like lava whenever you swallowed and you could feel your face was terribly puffy. Your eyes were heavy and your nose was stuffy. Crying always took way too much energy out of your body and you were sure you could just curl up on the living room’s sofa and nap before forcing yourself to go on with your life.

Towa slammed the door open, still tightly holding your hand, and you watched as Haru jumped at the sudden sound, almost dropping Peekaboo’s feeding bottle.

“Geez, Towa! I told you not to slam the door open like that! What if Peekaboo was sleeping?!” Haru grumbled, scrunching his eyebrows as he gave a good shake on the bottle again, before turning around to face Towa. You were sure he was going to keep scolding Towa, if it wasn’t for the fact that the white-haired boy was smiling and humming happily while pointing at you.

“Oh! If it isn’t the Honor Student!” Haru quickly went back to his sunny mood and walked towards you, expertly feeding Peekaboo while doing so “I didn’t expect your visit! How are you… oh. What happened?”

You frowned and rubbed your face in your hands. You didn’t want to make your mental breakdown everyone’s business all of a sudden. That was the exact reason why you went to hide in Jabberwock - so you’d avoid being seen. Despite that, you could probably say you trusted Haru enough to talk about your problems without feeling judged. What you’d definitely feel, however, was guilty - Haru was probably the busiest man in Darkwick. Did you really need to give him more burdens to hold?

“I’m… okay.” you said, barely able to say the words as your voice was terribly hoarse. Beside you, Towa pouted and let out a sound of discontent. He was back at being silent, apparently.

Haru gasped, clutching his chest and you couldn’t help but smile a little bit. He always seemed a bit too dramatic, although that was truly just how he acted normally. He’d probably be good friends with Zenji, you thought for a moment.

“What happened to your voice?!” he asked, placing Peekaboo’s bottle on a nearby table. He quickly walked towards you and grabbed your arm and your chin, turning you this and that way under the natural light of his dorm, searching for other possible injuries. “Wait, don’t answer. It might be worse for your throat! Let’s take you to Mortkranken, okay? They’ll help and-”

“No.” you croaked out, grabbing his arm as tightly as you could. “Please don’t take me to Mortkranken.”

Nothing reminded you more of your impending doom than spending even a fraction of a second around Yuri. While some of the ghosts treated you like lesser than human, Yuri straight up treated you like an object. Something he had to analyze under a microscope; something convenient to him, since you could be the key for his glory. However, you’re pretty sure he would like you better if you didn’t talk.

A not-insignificant part of you could empathize with him. He just did it all for recognition. He wanted to be seen and admired and you could understand that. Always having to keep a mask of arrogance just to reassure himself that he wasn’t worthless must be tiring. You’d know that. You had to keep a mask of your own for way too long as well.

But then he would call you a worm and belittle you every chance he got so, after a while, all the empathy and patience you had in you faded away.

Haru quietly observed how your hand trembled as you held his arm and how your bottom lip quivered. He nodded, gently prying your hand away so he could guide you to a table.

”Okay. No Mortkranken then.” he said, motioning for you to sit at the table. As soon as you did, Towa dragged a chair to sit as close as possible to you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. You welcomed his touch.

“No Mortkranken” Haru repeated and raised his index finger “But you can’t just leave your throat like that!. I’m gonna make something for you real quick, okay? Wait a second! Watch Peekaboo for me.” you nodded as he placed the round ball of fur on your lap. Peekaboo greeted you happily and snuggled against your chest while you pet his head.

A few minutes later, Haru sauntered back to the living room with a huge steaming mug. He carefully placed it in front of you and picked up Peekaboo from your arms, not without some sounds of protest coming from the little anomaly.

You sniffed the golden drink in front of you, the sweet scent bringing a warmth to your face that you very much needed, as you felt your nose less congested. You looked at Haru, inquisitively, hoping he would understand your unspoken question.

“It’s ginger, honey and lemon tea! Well, uh, I put some anomalous medicine for colds in it too but…” he scratched his cheek, his smile a bit embarrassed “But! It’s what my mama would make for me whenever I got sick! It's fail-proof. Go on, drink it.” he motioned for you to drink it and gave you a thumbs up. Beside you, Towa nodded and let out a sound of approval, as if he was attesting to the tea’s efficacy.

You cracked a small smile while you held the enormous mug with both of your hands and thought about Haru's family for a second. You wondered if they were all nice and nurturing like him or if he was just a very good egg. You could imagine him having a very sweet and caring mom, and, in your mind, he’d be her spitting image. Both with fiery red hair and a smile that could convince you of anything. But more than anything, you could imagine him being the eldest child of a big family, full of little siblings that clung to him no matter where he went, begging their big brother Haru to go play with them. And he would. Of course he would.

You began to feel weirdly melancholic as you wondered why someone like him ever needed to make a pact. Was it for his family? And if it was, does he still keep in contact with them? Or was he ripped out of his own old life just like you were?

You drank the tea, feeling the sweet taste of honey mixed with the bitterness of ginger and lemon send a jolt of energy to your nerves. There was a third, unknown taste in it, which you assumed was the anomalous medicine, but you chose to ignore it. Right then and there, what was healing you wasn’t that - it was Haru’s and Towa’s kindness towards you.

The warmth of the drink spread from your chest to your fingertips and you felt tears pool in your eyes again. Apparently, the dam was broken and literally anything would make you cry - even your own fertile imagination and the abandoned Sagara family you had pictured in your mind.

You placed the mug on the table, taking a deep breath through your now decongested nose.

“How are you feeling?” Haru asked while finally feeding Peekaboo his bottle.

You nodded.

“Better. You’re a miracle worker.” you replied, surprised at how your voice already seemed to be less raspy than before. Towa hummed happily with a sing-songy voice, squeezing you a bit tighter.

“Haha! That’s probably the medicine working though!” he laughed, modest as always.

You shook your head, about to protest, when a loud stomp was heard from the top of the stairway that led to the bedrooms. Ren peeked his head down, clearly checking whether or not Haru was around to bother him. It was when he met your gaze, however, that his eyes widened in shock. At the sight of your puffy eyes and red nose, Ren mouthed an “o” and slowly backed away from the stairs, locking himself into his room once again. Beside you, Haru sighed loudly and scratched his head.

“I’m sorry about Ren. He still needs to practice how to be a good friend.”

You waved your hand dismissively.

“It’s okay, I don’t blame him. I would feel awkward if I saw someone crying in my living room too.” you let out a tired, breathy laugh and Haru grimaced.

“Do you feel like telling me what happened now?” he asked, after a few moments of silence.

You stared at the now empty mug. Cozy warmth spread in your stomach and your limbs, but you were still very much aware of the sinking dread that had hosted itself inside your heart. You knew that whatever comfort Haru and Towa were giving you was temporary, while your anxiety was way more resilient. Would Haru know what to do? Would he be able to offer a little bit of respite from your spiraling thoughts or would you just make things awkward?

As you opened your mouth to give him some sort of answer, you heard it.

Inside your pocket, your phone was pinging.

You felt your heart drop. With trembling fingers, you fished your phone out of your pocket and placed it on the table. There, flashing incessantly like a persistent and spoiled child, you were able to read the notifications that had been flooding in, unbeknownst to you.

Jin, Tohma, Leo, Romeo, Ritsu, Yuri.

Your breathing became labored once again. For a split second you wondered why these men wanted you around so bad when it was so clear that they hated you. Was the power trip that addictive? You wouldn’t know. You had too much of a conscience and that wouldn’t allow you to treat others like they treated you.

You tried focusing on your breathing as the familiar pressure behind your eyes began to build up. You were already so tired of crying and all the effort Haru had put into making that tea would go to waste if you began bawling your eyes out once again.

Where was all that courage you seemed to have during missions and why couldn’t you summon it right then and there, when all that terrified you were the men that dangled your life as a bargain chip in front of your eyes? They were just as dangerous, if you thought about it.

“Hey, hey. Let’s turn this off, ‘kay? You really need a break.” Haru’s gloved hand suddenly appeared before your eyes as he grabbed your phone and forcefully turned it off. Towa rubbed your back again, eyes glinting with concern, and you realized you were already making a fool of yourself, once again. You felt traitorous tears dampen your cheeks despite trying so hard not to cry.

“I’m sorry.” you mumbled, hastily drying your eyes with your hands.

“Don’t apologize for that! They’ve been giving you a hard time, right? Dealing with all the ghouls in here is a handful, you’re already doing so much more than I would be able to do!” Haru chirped, trying his best to cheer you up. You cracked a small smile at the fiery way he delivered those words.

“Yeah… It’s been… a lot. And I miss my home.”

At that, you noticed how Haru visibly flinched. Like the topic was a tender and open wound for him as well. Made-up images of his mother came back to your mind and you wondered if your guess about his family was right.

He then sucked his teeth, looking apologetic.

“I wish I could help you somehow…” he muttered, visibly upset at his inability to solve this specific problem as easily as he did his duties. You just shook your head.

“You already helped me so much. You and Towa. Thanks for being so understanding and making me that tea.”

Towa rubbed his cheek against yours, humming happily, and Haru barked out a laugh.

“We all need to be supporting each other a lot more, dontcha think?”

You nodded. You were pretty sure he was the only one who thought that in that entire place. The others would probably be happier if everyone disappeared.

And as you thought that, that word lingered in your mind.

'Disappear'.

It teased you, much like a mirage could fool a parched man, lost in a desert.

It was something you've thought of before, but it just never seemed possible. It was a common thought you had when you arrived at your dorm after a really long day of yells, insults and orders being barked left and right.

After your nervous breakdown, however, you felt like you needed to make it possible – it was a matter of life or death. You didn't know how you could go on while you felt like you were on the verge of being eaten alive by your grief, your anxiety and your fears.

You needed rest. Peace. Quiet. If only for a little bit.

There was no harm in trying. At least no harm bigger than the ones you already faced.

“Can I ask your opinion on something?” you spoke, after a few moments of silence.

“Oh? What is it?” Haru's back straightened and his eyebrows shot up, his attention fully back at you while he nursed Peekaboo.

You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

“How screwed do you think I’d be if I disappeared for like. One or two weeks?”

His smile slowly melted away from his face and turned into a frown. It would be funny if your hands weren't clammy with sweat as you asked. You were pretty sure Towa could feel the spike of your heartbeat in your neck, since he rested his chin on your shoulder.

“Disappeared? As in leaving Darkwick? I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

“No, no.” You shook your head “I wouldn’t leave. I just want some time away from them. The ghouls. Spend a few days in a place where they won’t search for me. Or somewhere I can stay hidden.”

Haru tilted his head to the side, thinking.

“I don't know how you'd pull it off. The academy would probably search for you too."

You suppressed the urge to scoff. The Academy knew your whereabouts at all times. As long as you stayed inside Darkwick, you figured they probably wouldn't care where you were. They just couldn't know you were planning on not doing your job as an inspector, but… what the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel, right?

“You think? I don't think they care that much. As long as I stay inside the Academy, it'll probably be okay.”

“Well… But what if they summon you to a mission?”

You waved your hand dismissively.

“I'll cross that bridge when I get there. But I think I made up my mind. I want to do this. I need to. All I want you to be my accomplice and say you don't know where I am if someone searches for me.”

Haru opened his mouth, and then closed it, changing his mind on whatever he would say. He sighed, defeated.

“Okay…”

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

“Thank you, Haru! Towa?”

The boy, that was still hugging you tight, nodded happily.

“But where would you stay?”

At that, Towa pouted at Haru and stomped his foot on the ground.

“But Towa–” he began.

“No, it’s okay, Towa.” You ran your fingers through his hair. “I know I can't stay here. The vacant rooms are being used as storage for the animals right? I can't crash here without forcing you guys to go through a very tiring cleaning process.”

You had helped Jabberwock far too many times to know that a lot of the supplies Haru used were being piled up inside the dorm rooms. If a new student joined them, it would probably take some precious time to make room for them – time that Haru and you didn't have.

“I mean, we could try to empty a room and clean it up–”

“No, it’s okay. That'd be a hassle. I’ll go to Obscuary.” you announced, final.

Towa immediately let go of you and grunted, stomping his foot again. You knew how much he hated Ed, but there wasn't any other option for you to choose. Hotarubi was Darkwick's little lapdog, and you don't think the students would help you stay hidden. You trusted Subaru, Zenji, and Haku with your life, but you couldn't say the same for all the others.

No, you needed complete isolation. Nothing better than the place that mostly everyone avoided after all. Towa would have to forgive you.

“There are some free rooms in Obscuary right now and I don't think Rui would mind. I've stayed there before.” you explained.

“Right! I've slept there before as well, after being a tad too tipsy, haha!” Haru added, trying to quell Towa's jealousy otherwise it'd probably bring forth a storm he definitely did not need.

The lavender haired boy pouted, looking to his feet. You grabbed one of his hands and held it tightly.

“I know you don't like that place, so I'll try to come here to visit you while I'm there, Towa. You won't have to go to that creepy forest, promise.”

He looked at you with glistening eyes and nodded timidly. You sighed, relieved. You didn't want to upset one of your closest friends just because of a selfish decision you were making.

“Thank you, Towa. You're amazing.” You kissed the back of his hand and he quickly smiled at your gesture.

Haru got up right as things were settled, and placed a happy and well-fed Peekaboo inside its crib.

“It's time to feed the rest of the animals. Give me a hand, Towa. We got a lot of field to cover.” he said as he stretched, his words sounding more like a groan than anything. Beside you, Towa nodded happily and dashed out of the door without hesitation.

“Wait! I didn't even tell you which animals you can feed! Gaaahhh, he's gone…” Haru yelled, pulling his hair.

You chuckled at his cartoonish behavior while he quickly prepared himself to go out after Towa.

“Do you mind if I stay here a little longer, Haru? I'm still very tired.”

“Of course! Our house is your house! Take your time. See ya!”

You watched as he activated his stigma and ran as fast as a lightning bolt to catch up with Towa, leaving the door to the dorm's entrance open.

You made your way to the door, pulling it closed, and sighed deeply, sitting on the couch.

Well, you had done it. You had given in to your selfish thoughts and hastily planned your temporary escape. Would it work? You had no idea. But if you got even one day of peace, you'd consider it a win.

You resisted the urge of grabbing your phone and scrolling mindlessly. You needed to be offline as much as possible in order to avoid everyone. You'd feel bad for some of them, like Kaito, Luca and the Hotarubi ghouls. But a secret held by too many people rarely stayed a secret.

"Senpai?" a monotone voice resounded behind you after a few minutes of silence and you jumped.

"Ren! Sorry, you spooked me." you gasped, placing a hand over your heart.

"Ugh, sorry..." he mumbled awkwardly, looking to the side. You stared at him, waiting for him to continue whatever it was that he wanted to say. You knew it was best not to hurry him up when he took the initiative to start a conversation, after all. "Er... you are feeling bad."

It was more of a statement than a question. Regardless, you nodded.

"So..." he mumbled a few more things you didn't quite make out "do you... like... do you wanna watch a movie or something? To distract yourself, I don't know..." he finished, rubbing the back of his head, clearly embarrassed by his own behavior.

In that moment, you couldn't help but feel your chest swell with affection for the boy in front of you. You knew how hard it was for Ren to open himself to others, much less allow them to participate in the things that mattered the most to him. To invite you to watch a movie was more than enough proof that Haru was wrong – Ren knew how to be a good friend, in his own way.

"I'd love that. Thank you so much, Ren." You smiled and he rolled his eyes, the pink on his ears betraying how he actually felt.

"Well then, let's go. I don't wanna wait too long to watch this movie. Also, it's going to be a trash horror, so if you don't like this type of thing, tough luck."

As he babbled, trying to hide his own nerves, you entered his room. Ren grabbed a chair and plopped himself on it, pointing towards the bed so you could lay down. You chose not to argue. He was already doing a lot more than you'd expect him to.

You snuggled against his pillows, trying to find a good position to rest and watch his notebook's screen. And to the sounds of high-pitched screams and gurgling monsters, you ended up falling asleep.