#ppl put others down in order to make themselves feel valid

[nururu]

I don't understand why there's such a pressure on representing your gender identity outwardly when it's literally so fucking dangerous. If you're brave enough good for you. If you have enough mental strength, good for you. But y'all need to stop taking that and using it as an example of how trans ppl should present themselves and then making them feel less than and invalid when they don't do it your way. It takes a lot of strength and a lot of bravery and a lot of mental strength, to be able to do that. Like an astronomical amount. Expecting everyone to have that ability is weird. And I know, logically, people don't expect that. When you actually sit down and have a nuanced conversation, everyone understands this.. but the way trans ppl who don't pass or don't outwardly represent a binary gender on their bodies, get invalidated and treated like they're not good enough bc they're not as brave as you,is ridiculous. It needs to stop.

[weaselbeaselpants]

Legit Bad-take/Bad-Faith Helluvaverse critics you should not trust if you see them

Interpersonal squabbles within the critical tag are irrelevant, sorry. This here is a genuine warning against users you should keep your distance from in regards to any VivziePop drama-discourse because their names may come up and you should know what it is that crossed the line.

Starlatte/Starvader/HonestHazbinCritiques/OhGodDude and Woomycritiques/RaySquid - Serial harasser(s). Long story incoming. Starlatte was/is a Vivcritical who got involved in the fandom back in 2019/2020 when she was a minor and didn't tell anyone. Her blog on tumblr was HonestHazbinCritiques where she made some good points but also managed to find/be a part of everyone else's takes in the critical community. Her relationship with several criticalblogs turned sour when she started lashing out, talking over people, being accused of faking her age, and doing stuff like arguing with irl sexworkers abt how they should feel about Angel Dust. Whatever her age actually was at the time, she was also sending her own rewrite scripts and fanwritten episodes to Spindlehorse in order to 'fix' Hazbin. In 2021 Star returned to Tumblr under the name "Oh-God-Dude" w/o disclosing to new people who she was while also starting shit. When said new ppl found out her past and got mad at her, she proceeded to block-backtalk every one of them.

Woomycritiques (twitter handle: Raysquid) is a critical blogger who stans Star and calls everyone else in the critical community an obsessed stalker while lashing out herself. She accused others of racism (unfounded), her friends of predation just for being proship (not the 'cest and underage is good'-kind, the "I like some problematic stuff in fic-context"-kind), and heckled Dirgentlemen over how much they should hate Helluva, and more.

Regardless of if you believe Woomy and Star are the same person, which ppl do, they are both -by now- adult persons who have been asked to stop and DIDN'T, which is why people don't trust them. Star and Woom were asked to tone it down, stop making accusations and even asked by many criticals to leave and stop talking about Helluvaverse as she/they seem to have nothing good to say about it. To put that into perspective, cuz I know some HH/HB fans are gonna be reading this: the people who've self-styled themselves antis and criticals begged this person to leave cuz she had nothing nice to say and was being a nuisance. I know the stans think that's all of us anyway, so let that sink in.

LincarRox aka ToyTaker - Creep. Nasty jealous stalker freak who got kicked out of Helluvaverse servers and Aminos for saying nasty shit like how he "wants to put a baby" in Viv. No really. He took his shit and grievances to BadWebComics wiki under the name TheToyTaker while also seemingly trying to get work at Spindlehorse in order to have access to Viv directly and to 'fix' her show. He did so by faking his animation portfolio. BWW did eventually catch on and kick him out but yeah....bad. May or may not still be going under his old pseudonyms, but regardless if you see someone talking weirdly sexually abt Viv while saying they were "let go" both by SH and BWW, get out now. That's probably him.

Animation Call-Out - Bigoted shitlord. Twitter user who rags on Vivz' controversies w other people but also hates gays and BIPOCs. Admitted to submitting one of the anonymous reviews against Spindlehorse "for fun" amidst legitimate ex-employees. All of the reviews, even the ones that seem the most validating/believable should be taken with a grain of salt I believe especially since they are coming to us anonymously, but when a racist person admits to def being one of those fake reviews for "Lolz" sake, that's def when shit's hit the fan.

DoodleToons - Also bigoted creeperlooser. Altright white kid who hates BIPOC existing in anything and admits to hating Viv's stuff for their LGBTisms and 'demons'. Yes, there legit are bad-faith critics who are homophobic. Just because Viv and her crew have a way of saying that's EVERY critic of her work doesn't mean there aren't shitty people out there.

[deluweil]

Lol.. first they promote the hell out of things only to cut it and then they go and delete critical comments on Insta... nicely done ABC.

Guess someone had to do overtime to delete over 500 comments on the Oliver reel. First I checked it was over 700, then suddenly you couldn't click on the answers anymore and now there are about 240 comments left.

Only a few about the cut karaoke. A lot where about how they bait and keep the transphobe around. All those seem to be gone now.

I have a bad feeling about this.

LOL yeah, PR team made a big boo-boo 😂

Not the first time, mind you, Fox used to make the same mistakes I wonder if these are the same ppl.

Also they are not responsible for the cuts, they work with what they get from the director and producer along with showrunner's descision.

Considering Oliver was talking about his favorite parts being filmed at the bachelor party and how much fun they had and how much they drank just to get through that karaoke scene, I'm guessing all cuts were made last minute and the responsibility is less on the PR ppl and more on the decision makers who has been known to be pathological liars over the years.

Moderation in the comments of a tv show is good to a degree imo, I've seen many pages on IG of big soccer teams and tv shows where the comments aren't moderated and it all borders on harassment and negative vibes between the fans themselves and the actors see it more than the decision makers anyway and the ppl talk about why they take a step back from social media.

Do I want the Marisol actress on the show? absolutely not, and that was before I found out about her bad joke on ig. - If you're a public figure and want to get work (in the US at least, where I come from if they fired every idiot who opens their mouth out of turn everybody would be out of a job) you keep your mouth shut and keep your account clean, she only has herself to blame for the hate she gets, especially considering that she didn't even apologize.

But sadly, she is here, crossing my fingers she won't be for long, not only because she's is a bad person, but also because her character is so lukewarm and trivial it's bordering on the absurd.

I am sad for Ryan and Oliver because they seemed so excited about these scenes in the bachelor party and the put in a LOT of effort into it.

BUT if that means the episode of Madney wedding focuses on Madney and nothing else, I am more than okay with that.

That is why you make the bachelor party in a separate episode, or like in CF in Mouch's party, you see them in the elevator dreading what may come, the get to the door figuring out that they've been played and that it is going to be a kick-ass party - the door closes- and opens up again in the morning and they all step exhausted and hungover into the elevator where it's clear the party was epic!

In 10 episodes season, you need to plan out, in advance, your time and scenes carefully, clearly it doesn't happen on 911,

My biggest fear is that from the hour and 15 minutes that were cut into 43 minutes, that the episode would feel rushed and not have emotional impact a Madney wedding should induce and maybe it would have been better if they cut guest stars storylines and calls down to make more room for a proper ceremony.

A kidnapping at this point feels like an overkill, they could have gone for a rough and dangerous call before the wedding and after everyone walk away, they are seen later that day or the next. at the wedding with a beautiful ceremony, like in Cruz's wedding in CF.

I really hope this episode focuses on Madney, everything else is completely unnecessary, I would be pissed if this episode focused more on other ships and take the spotlight off of Madney.

And the PR team should be handed the RIGHT materials in order to make a valid promo and post the right promotional pictures because otherwise it looks like they're deceiving the fans on purpose and that could be the reason why ppl would stop watching the show, ppl don't like to be played for fools.

Now, knowing that everything we were told we'll see was cut, and that final cut was made last second and SO much was cut, I have a bad feeling too, I am hoping we are both wrong. Because they can't afford another 6x18 episode - the format should be better with the move to abc not stay just as bad.

[wallpaper-inside-my-heart]

i would love to whose perspective you had in mind for all of the spommy taylors version songs!!! unless they were picked solely on vibes which is also totally valid

Oh Anon you have no IDEA what you have unleashed by asking me this question! So thank you so much for that <3 and let's go!

(I have like almost twenty pages worth of google doc with assigned lyrics and comments for why (most of) these songs fit for them and in this playlist! I will try my best to keep this as short as my brain allows...)

As I mentioned in the original Spommy (taylor's version) post, the order that we put these songs in has it's reasons. So I will go through the different relationship stages and corresponding songs one by one. And try to briefly explain whose POV it's supposed to represent and maybe highlight a few specifc lines.

Colour coding the song's main POV:

Tommy

Spencer

both

(Song assignments under the cut)

small disclaimer: obviously we are talking about a fictionalized version of "canon" that is loosely based on/inspired by stuff they have mentioned in videos and their general internet personas. None of the thoughts I'm sharing here are meant as 100% fact or true "insight" to their personal lives. We're all just having fun! (Obviously we all agree on this kind of stuff, I just need to write it down somewhere, for my own conscience)

The Before Meeting stage:

You’re on your own kid

Anti-Hero

-> both of these songs feel super tommy-coded (the whole sexy baby/monster on the hill stuff, for example, reminds me a bit of the body dysmorphia he's mentioned in a few videos)

tied together with a smile

-> this one could work either with one or both singing this about themselves or the other imo

-> just the whole aspect of trying to hold yourself together while struggling with fullfilling expectations

2. The First meeting/Beginning stage

Everything has changed

-> both of them just being fascinated by eachother upon their first meeting

mirrorball

-> a theme for a lot of the more Tommy-centric POVs of these songs was inspired mostly by the aforementioned body image issues and also the fear of living up to his own or other ppl's expectations in terms of his own creativity etc.

(I'm sure others, like maybe Spencer, struggle with parts of these aspects as well, I just feel like Tommy has talked about it more)

-> also Tommy beginning to see Spencer as someone he doesn't have to "pretend" around

cowboy like me

-> both of them recognizing pieces of themselves within the other

3. The Pining Stage

-> this stage is mostly from Spencer's POV. I believe in Pining!Tommy rights as well, however I felt like these song examples just fit Spencer a bit better given the situation

gold rush

-> aka the mini denial stage, where he falls into a daydream of what being with Tommy could be like; but not wanting to let himself indulge too much in these thoughts

also "your hair falling into place like dominoes" sounds so much like a line that could be about tommy!

Teardrops on my guitar

-> the pining is now in full force, but sadly Tommy has a boyfriend and Spencer has to suffer through him gushing about it, while he feels his crush begin to grow more and more; tho he doesn't allow himelf to do anything about his feelings

you belong with me

-> Spencer's switch from the 'good ol' fashioned pining' to "Um, actually I would fit way better with you than he does! So why can't you see what's right in front of you and start dating me instead?!"

(tho he still doesn't actually voice this outlout, yet)

4. The Flirting Stage

new romantics

-> mostly as a set-up for both of their general attitudes at the beginning of this stage and for the dancing/club theme of Gorgeous

gorgeous

-> this one is actually splitting the POV across different parts of the song

-> Verse 1 is Spencer with lines such as "compliment/made fun of the way you talk" and "you're so cool, it makes me hate you so much" (also the last time the soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend is mentioned in the playlist)

-> Verse 2 by Tommy with "talking to everyone here but you" (which reminds me of his dating answer in hot ones; but if I start talking about my thoughts on that bit, this will get way too long) and also "Ocean blue eyes looking in mine" (literally about Spencer💙)

-> the chorus is first sung by Spencer, next one Tommy and the others by both of them at eachother

-> also "Guess I'll just stumble on home to my cats… alone... Unless you wanna come along" is literally such a Spencer-coded line to me

-> also! if you or anyone wants to check out a fic of them with a slightly similar premise to this song, I can def reccomend Spencer vs Gay Panic by @soupy-girl 💗

I can see you

dress

-> with these two songs the daydreaming about the other and flirting increases

-> also I initially added this one to the list bc "flashback/your buzzcut and my hair bleached" are literally both accurate about Spencer lmao

i think he knows

-> I imagine the first verse mostly sung by Spencer and then the (pre) chorus by Tommy bc of lines like "He got that boyish look that I like in a man" and "Wanna see what's under that attitude" and of course later on"lyrical smile, indigo eyes" being about Spencer as well

5. The pre-dating stage

treacherous

-> I feel like this song has a constantly switching POV, in a duet sorta way. For example:

This slope is treacherous. This path is reckless.

This hope is treacherous. This daydream is dangerous.

but the bridge would be sung together, both deciding "I'll follow you home"

glitch

willow

jump then fall

fearless

Electric touch

-> I don't have a lot of notes on these 5 songs in particular, but the idea was basically them going from the insecurities that are still present in treacherous and seeing the thing that's developing between them as smth that just happened to them by accident, to then deciding to fully "jump into it" and letting themselves actually feel the excitement of it all in full force

6. The first few dates

begin again

-> the line "you throw your head back laughing like a little kid" fits both of them so well and I'm so soft just thinking about it

king of my heart

-> in the google doc I said that she wrote "Now you try on callin' me "baby" like tryin' on clothes" about this fic by @jovenshires and I stand by that

today was a fairytale

-> the whole first verse with "You wore a dark gray t-shirt You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess" also feels so them-coded idk

style

-> I think this edit of them explains this better than I ever could 💖

I’m only me when I’m with you

-> it's about the "Well, you drive me crazy half the time"-but still being eachothers comfort person- of it all

snow on the beach

-> another duet style song where they take turns singing the verse and then chorus together; "Weird, but fuckin' beautiful"

-> also! I must admit that I was heavily inspired to add this song bc of this fanart by @urmxotive! which is so beautiful and reminds me of the "I've never seen someone lit from within" in this song

7. Dealing with Insecurities while being in a relationship

the archer

-> both, but especially bc "I cut off my nose just to spite my face" reminds me of what I briefly mentioned with Anti-Hero

nothing new

-> me and katie agree that this song is 100% tommy coded, but I don't wanna go into too much detail since this post is getting way too long already 🙈

peace

-> another duet-style song for them starting with tommy in v1 and then Spencer in the chorus

new year’s day

-> duet again, in the same order as the last one

stay stay stay 

-> mostly Tommy's POV and him being relieved that Spencer knows how to deal with his mood swings

safe & sound

-> and this song from Spencer's POV about essientially the same "issue"

mine

-> themacceptance of their insecurities and celebration of taking on the future together

8. Good ol' estabished relationship fluff

call it what you want

-> similar theme as peace and nothing new, but leaving those worries behind from tommy's side

-> and also "My baby's fit like a daydream" reminded me of spencer at 1:43 in this clip ( from this video)

daylight

-> also duet-style; "Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town" reminds me of tommy ripping up his headshots

you are in love

-> I think Katies fic explains the POVs for this perfectly 💜

paper rings

-> "I hate accidents, except when we went from friends to this" tying back into glitch etc

invisible string

-> both of them growing up in florida and also both being eye-ptach-kids?? makes me so insane when I think about it for some reason

sweet nothing

-> it's about the "You say, "What a mind". This happens all the time" and "To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it" of it all

lover

-> and, finally "Swear to be overdramatic and true" and "And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me" is literally them. I rest my case, your honor

So this post got wayyyy too long and was prob way more then you asked for, anon, but I hope you enjoyed my ramblings anyways 😊

I have so many more thoughts about some of these song choices (like Nothing new, peace, new year's day and several others) and their order, and also even more specifically assigned lines in my google doc for this playlist. So in case you or anyone else wants the link to that, feel free to dm me. Or if you have you're own ideas about some of these choices or are curious about some specifics, my asks are always open 🤗

[destinyc1020]

Confession: I think this might be last post ever on tumblr, I think I might leave tumblr and social media in general. I feel like its become way too toxic and just not worth the effort nor do I feel happy using it, its just so menatally draining. In addition Im getting a little fed up of fandoms and stan culture, it used to be fairly a fun space but now it feels like a space where hatred, racism, toxicity have kinda infiltrated. Things like movies or just enjoying actors or whatever have become less and less interesting it no longer feels like celebrating but like we are in competition, like the discourse has become lets compare and be hurtful to others and their opinions and I just think fandoms have just been too invasive, too parasocial and I dont want to be in that space anymore.

I do want to say I enjoyed your blog and love how you try to bring as much joy and positivity to this space. You are one of few bright spots and keep doing what you do and thank you for cheering me up at the times I felt a little down . Its been fun but I think its time for me to bid a permanent farewell. All the best ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Awww..... I'm so sorry Anon. 😞

I hope you haven't left Tumblr already and are going to miss my response back to you. 🥺

Oh well.... I'll respond back anyway, no matter if you ever see this post or not. 🙃

First of all, thank you so much for your confession. I really appreciate your honesty on this topic, because I really do feel like fandom/stan culture has really gotten to a point that it's become exhausting in many fandoms... even when the celebrities themselves aren't even problematic! 🤷🏾‍♀️

It's become toxic for sure. 😞 And I, too, don't really appreciate the constant comparisons, the putting down of other actors just to raise up your faves, the spreading of lies and falsehoods in order to make other celebrities look bad, the recurring nonstop complaints about an actor's film career even though their career is going just fine, the immediate "cancel" culture just because someone isn't perfect 100% of the time, the jealousy and downplaying of another actor's talents just because it's not your fave in the role, the annoying film twitter debates, the use of RT as the almighty "gold standard" in a filming project's validity, the over-FOCUS of film critics and their reviews of certain films instead of just watching the film yourself and forming your OWN opinions, the constant bickering among various fandoms and stan wars, the overly-anxious fans who get nervous if their fave isn't in a new casting announcement every 2 months, etc.... The list goes on and on and on....

It's just exhausting.... 😫 And I feel like I see a lot of these comments bts because ppl can literally hide behind Anon on my blog and say whatever they want. 😩

So yea girl...I totally feel you. ❤️

I'm hoping you won't stay away forever, but I totally encourage and support you in taking a break away from here (or social media in general) if that's what you need to stay healthy and emotionally and mentally upbuilt. 🥰

If you ever feel comfortable and would like to come off of Anon and chat with me privately on here, or discuss this in greater detail, feel free to reach out and DM me! You'll always have a safe space. ❤️🥰

Wishing you all the best 🙏🏾🤗

[maxemilianverstappen]

Ughhhhhhh it’s so frustrating when people say “it was never about Max” but all year and all winter break, they couldn’t keep him and his earned wins/podiums and championship out of their mouth. Lewis is amazing and truly says that he has nothing against Max. Bc as you said, he would’ve done the same thing. There are no “what if”s when if the shoe was on the other foot, we would be getting the same timeline. I just wish more people mean that statement as much as Lewis does. They keep saying Max needs to hand the trophy over when it seems like Lewis doesn’t want anything to do with it!! Lewis is in 2022 and ready to fight again — as he is every year. Like Toto said in press earlier “we start again from zero”. Although I do think the pecking order will be about the same with RB and Merc at the top, just hoping Ferrari is up there too. Yes I want chaos of a three way title fight

There are a few disgusting ppl on here whose entire personality is hating max.

Before answering this ask, i skimmed through Max's anti tags. Always the same couple of ppl making posts after posts, sometimes twice a day... I don't know what also goes down on these haters' side of the hell site as they might be all speaking in codes or sth inventing all kinds of new names for him...

I don't know.... This is on a clinical level. I am not a psychiatrist or have much knowledge on psychology, but these people clearly have something fundamentally wrong with them.

Like, you hate a guy? You don't want to see him? Okay. You avoid him and focus on the stuff you like, right? Not come on your socials and post about him 7/24/365. This is obsession, they are using him as an instrument to pour all of their hate and frustrations and need for feeling superior, clever and validated.

They all know if the roles were reversed, Lewis would have done the same thing and fight for those final laps tooth and nails, anyone would do that, that's their job and their life...

They all know Max has been consistent and brilliant and outperforming his car.

They were all so smug about it when the rules were bended for their sake. They know the rear wing change, the pit stops change, all the times the damage they caused getting less penalties than what the damaged ones had to put up with...

They don't care. Can't accept that Max is a very good driver, can't accept that their fav had his match in spades.

For a week, some of them said, "this is not about max" but that lasted only a couple of days and they finally accepted the fact that no, this was absolutely about Max, because he is a threat, because he will win again if he is in a competitive car, because he is neither a drama queen nor a people pleaser, nor an actor. He is just max, who wants to race and then go home to his cats and family and iracing and friends. An unadorned simple young man who will learn and change and become a better man just like all of us who make mistakes, who grow up and change and try to do what we like and be one better at it and be better people.

Let them reduce themselves into spiting him. Hopefully, one day they'll realize, focusing on what they like more is a better state of being than being this.... this boring whatever.

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Hot take: Bakugou's character wouldn't survive if not for the one he kept abusing all his life. 90% of his character revolves around his victim and yet the fandom paints him as this super developed, fleshed out character when in reality he'd never be anything bigger than a side character if not for Deku.

Also the concequences he supposedly received are just him being teased or not getting the win he wanted, no being kidnapped doesn't count, he literally got away with his shit while even been treated like a victim and the privilege to know something about Deku that isn't any of his business. And now because he sacrificed himself that one time the fandom acts like Izuku owes his ass anything. It's disgusting.

I have given up on him actually being half the decent character ppl make him out to be and the fandom reaction to him makes me hate him even more.

He's not complex, he's just a pretty boy, asshole archetype who gets nicer and has some more cooperative and ppl love to eat that shit up while making up stuff for him. He changes but he's doesn't change for what matters and definitely pales in comparison to other characters who are better written than him.

(holy shit, did they remove the character limit on asks?? omg a GODSEND)

Well yeah, if it weren’t for Izuku and how he treats Izuku he wouldn’t have anything to improve from; people only think he’s developed because he no longer outright bullies him and “””worries””” (I say in heavy quotes) about him, and “reflects” on how he treated him even though he.......... comes to the absolute wrongest, most idiotic conclusions imaginable, that put the brunt of the excuses on Izuku instead of himself, but Toshinori validates him because Horikoshi has made Toshi into Bakugou’s uwu stan and stan of the two boys’ “friendship” (completely ignoring the fact that THIS KID FOR TEN YEARS BULLIED HIS SON). He’s basically already been devolved to acting like a side character for a long time now, with his funny anger quirk pun partly intended that’s just treated like a joke at this point, just like everyone else’s character quirks, even though it would be far more interesting for him to, you know. actually get some therapy and learn to calm himself and become an actual pleasant person to be around. But that’s not what makes him “funny”, that’s not him, according to most people, so he’s always going to stay like this, a boring angry pomeranian who flies off the handle at everything for no reason, who has done the absolute bare minimum of “changing”, which makes him a perfect character in everyone’s eyes.

“He changes but doesn’t change for what matters” pretty much sums up the problem with him in a nutshell, and is the exact reason he frustrates me so much, that I’ve ranted about plenty before. Bakugou has never been viewed through the lens of a bully, an abuser, he was never set up to be that, at least not realistically, and so his development hasn’t happened in accordance with that setup either, and people don’t have a problem with it and actively praise it because the manga actively downplay(ed)s the severity of that origin story. People can ignore the reality of how seriously traumatic being bullied for ten years of your childhood, verbally and physically would be, and how seriously and with such sensitivity such a relationship and character arc must be handled, because aside from the very first chapter when Izuku and Bakugou are still in middle school, really, with the “take a swan dive off the roof” comment and others, it’s never focused on in that way ever again; ever since, it’s just been treated as a typical anime “rivalry”, that both of them need to better themselves to overcome. The story and teachers say “the two of them are so alike but they just keep missing each other; if they just made up for each others’ weaknesses and understood that they both want the same thing, they’d be stronger together!”, and Izuku HIMSELF tries so hard to reach through to Bakugou, always still considering him his friend, always feeling like he’s the one equally at fault for their relationship being as rocky as it is, when BAKUGOU!!! FUCKING!!! BULLIED HIM!!! FOR TEN YEARS. bullied a DISABLED CHILD, which again, as a disabled person who relates to Izuku and how he felt about his quirklessness, feelings that continue to affect him even long after he gets a quirk because of how he was treated when he was younger, is DEEPLY unsettling to me. You CANNOT read/watch MHA without the metaphor of quirklessness = disabled being very apparent, and so that makes Bakugou’s bullying and how it is so utterly glossed over and purposefully forgotten a hundred times more disturbing and aggravating than it already is! If this were any other shounen rivalry then yes, it could be resolved with effort from both parties, because both parties have their own personal reasons for why they have trouble getting along with the other, and the fun is watching to see how they will overcome those, but Izuku and Bakugou were never on an equal playing field to begin with; this is a bullying story, with its victim trying desperately to win over and befriend his abuser, when he owes him absolutely NOTHING and has a BOATLOAD of unresolved issues thanks to said bullying, with no outside help from adults for either of them because none of them are acknowledging it as fucking bullying. I guarantee you that if the manga went into much more painful, bleak detail and showed many more flashbacks of how Izuku was treated by Bakugou in the past, and then still continued with the “development” he’s had since, people would be unable to ignore it like they can now, and it would make all of them extremely uncomfortable like it does those of us now who already dislike him. Hori himself has said he doesn’t understand why Bakugou is so popular, but he’s able to just continue as he does with him because no one is complaining, and because he said he regrets making him so awful in the beginning, as if that magically makes it disappear as much as it already has in 90% of the fandom’s collective mind. You wanna know an actual good manga that also deals with a bully of a disabled child growing and improving himself and forming a close relationship with his former victim? A Silent Voice. Such a journey is long, and hard, and it is painful, with many ups and downs and many nasty, hateful, guilt-filled, depression-filled feelings from both sides, along with from other characters who either also partook in the bullying, were bystanders to it who did nothing, or were indirect victims as well. The bully is bullied himself after what he does, and then grows up nearly suicidal, closing himself off and struggling to be social and make new friends because he doesn’t know how and doesn’t entirely feel like he deserves it (and the story notably doesn’t go the route of “he was abused too at home and so that’s why he bullied”), and tries and fails many times to make amends with the person he hurt before he finally is at peace with himself and everyone; the victim, meanwhile, drowns in continued guilt and suicidal feelings over feeling like she’s a burden to others, both from her disability and from watching all the infighting and victim blaming and finger pointing that ensues between her old classmates when all of the nasty emotions are brought back to the surface, along with dealing with budding romantic feelings for her past bully when he genuinely starts being kind towards her and making an effort to connect with her. ASV is entirely about this complex narrative, it’s able to dedicate everything it has to telling this story tactfully and with all the time and attention it needs. MHA, meanwhile, is a shounen battle manga, and so it was never going to do this narrative and Bakugou’s arc justice, even though I honestly think it could have if Hori really wanted to, because Izuku and Toshinori’s relationship has such masterfully subtle and touching emotions and care, at least early on; Horikoshi knows how to write good, subtle character arcs. I’m not asking for something ASV level, of course not, when the series has so many other things it has to juggle. I just wanted Bakugou to be treated as exactly what he is: a former bully, who can be taught, and learn, and reflect, and change, and become a better, more humble, more interesting person, and actually become someone worthy of all the praise and love he gets, not only for Izuku’s sake, but for his own, as well. They don’t excuse his actions in the slightest, but it’s still undeniable that Bakugou himself is a victim of how the adults in his life have treated him and raised his own expectations of himself, giving him the crippling insecurity issues he has, and that they continue to harm him (and Izuku) by simply letting him continue to go on angrily the way he does, instead of getting him help and some therapy in order for him to change and heal from things like being kidnapped by villains (which is no small thing to go through!! on top of his guilt over Toshinori’s final battle!) and becoming a better person to the one he hurt in the past, and it all just makes me so sad, not because I’m all “uwu poor Bakugou”, but just cause his character deserves better, as a person he deserves better, just like Izuku deserves better than everything he’s gone through because of him. This is all just a very long-winded way of agreeing with you OP that yes, none of Bakugou’s “punishments” for his behavior mean anything because he’s punished as a rival student who needs to humble himself in order to get along with his friend he doesn’t like, not as a former(??) bully who needs to be separated from his victim. The bar is set so low, was never set where it should be, and so absolutely no progress to “better himself” Bakugou makes either will mean anything, as long as it’s never acknowledged that he needs to make amends as a bully and abuser.

[thatdude-noah]

i wish ppl would stop gatekeeping literally anything. its not good for everyone and i hv no idea why its even a thing to begin with tbh.

like ive had some ppl ask me if they can call themselves adhd even tho they werent professionally diagnosed and like...yeah! obviously! if u feel like u hv adhd and you've read on it and it just feels right then who am i to gatekeep it???

same with ppl identifying a certain way. i remember ppl being super mad about he/him lesbians and like...why? there is enough pronouns for everyone just chill.

or ppl that gatekeep being transgender as just hving dysphoria. excuse me but who r u to tell someone else what their gender is???? or if they r "dysphoric enough" to be trans????

same with video games like u said.

or fandoms. like "oh ive been here for years so im a better fan"...what????

everyone should just fucking chill and mind their own business tbh. like u can hv opinions about stuff but when those opinions start to effect others in a negative light then keep them to urself or better yet get educated.

thank u!

ur post stuck a nerve lol

okay but you're so right!! people put dumb, meaningless "requirements" in order to be something - whether that's part of a fandom, a sexuality, whatever! but meeting the requirements that you set in your own mind doesnt actually make you any better or any more valid than the person who doesn't fit it.

I made that post because I saw a video of someone saying minecraft "tips" for beginners and they were all just lies, but people in the comments who had played the game before were saying that it was correct! and people who hadn't played the game before were legitimately confused about if the tips were real or not! I don’t know why people enjoy sabotaging the fun of someone else just because of some dumb standard they've set.

if you're just finding out about a show that ended two years ago, you're just as much of a fan as someone who watched it from the beginning. if your identity is different from someone else's you're just as valid. if you see yourself and your symptoms in a diagnosis you haven't gotten or can't get, you're symptoms are just as valid as someone who has the ability of getting diagnosed.

and honestly I could go on forever about the idea that you need dysphoria to be trans because that's just a harmful rhetoric that has hurt people for so long, but it all comes down to this: just because your experience with a certain thing doesn't align with another person's experience, that doesn't mean one is better or more valid than the other. gatekeeping communities often causes far more harm than good. if someone feels comfortable with a term, or is getting into something later than most people, that's okay. you deserve to feel comfortable in those communities. anyway stop gatekeeping :)

[honeyfreckled]

a messy ramble/rant on what tfatws is tryna pull here. ik i was told this would happen, but a stupid hoe can still be pissed

ok where are my well spoken leftists who know how to explain things and aren’t bumbling dumbasses like me? need yall to do me a solid and help me compose my jumbled thoughts enough to form actual sentences and make a coherent analysis on exactly what we are all watching tfatws do here. 

yes, yall warned me this was gonna happen bc big media will never portray anarchism as anything other than violent, dangerous, and misaligned. bc the media corp would cease to exist under anarchy. it directly profits from capitalism, neoliberalism, and imperialism. they are the real villains but this is their narrative to spin, their content and platforms. the franchise must be protected at all costs and continue netting profit- which they need capitalism in order to do, so they must present themselves on the right side of history. they push for supposed reform nowadays, they say we won’t achieve anything w direct action. that anarchists are a terror group hellbent on inflicting violence on the innocent when in actuality that is DISNEY/MARVEL’s gig when u take into account how they run and operate by taking advantage of their marginalized, minimum wage workers and being in cahoots w the govt agencies they feature in their media. they keep the status quo by getting the individual to either fear anarchy, believe it to be a moot cause, or grow tired/complacent w any political discussion and instead only show interest in the otherworldly/fictional parts of these shows. 

yes, im aware of the way mega media pivots when popular opinion changes. but im not able to put my finger on how they achieve it so insidiously and without snags. how they move w the times w/out addressing or rectifying their own despicable practices. capitalist media like disney/marvel is able to do this a lot more covertly than others imo. u have to catch yrself from falling down into the distraction trap and remind yrself that marvel is about as left as jeff bezos. but god how they warp the political stances to make themselves seem on the right side of things can be invisible to ppl who dont have any previous knowledge of real anarchism or even leftism and how neoliberalism like this is effective propaganda.

esp to the stans who are just there to watch their favorite yt actor and ride for his character so hard they’ll eagerly buy into whatever message is being pushed out of sheer fanaticism. doesn’t help that this show is definitely more palatable to the “woke” section of the audience who thinks marvel is rlly doin something radical here. plus like i said, we have to consider the fact that so many members of the target audience aren’t looking out for propaganda like this. they have been taught to recognize only blatantly obvious propaganda that goes against their more liberal principles. they don’t recognize this as propaganda bc they like it and don’t feel a knee-jerk reaction against it. the show seems convey a message they view as a “finally someone said it! finally marvel is woke and i can watch without shame! this is how our heroes should be!” what the mcu is doing in this phase is rlly fucking scary bc imo this kinda presentation is more dangerous. it’s harder to pin down and extremely easy for folks to give props to and not wanna critique. it will age better than other mcu phases which makes critical left analysis seem nit picky and folks dont wanna hear it.

idk if it’s a matter of them not seeing this as propaganda at all, or just not caring that it is bc they are too devoted to who they stan they’re able to use cognitive dissonance w shows like this bc he’s in them. perhaps most of them are liberals, so they have no problem w a media conglomerate whose billion dollar franchise operates w govt contracts and is required by fractions of the armed forces/pentagon/fbi to get final script, edit, and cut approval from those govt agencies. 

before yall hardcore leftists and anarchists tell me anything, ik i shouldn’t be watching this ok. at least im p*rating it rather than helping to feed the beast. it’s just. disappointing and sad to see them vilify and lie on a group who rlly isn’t the problem irl, and does more to combat terrorism than fucking enact it. that has always been an argument against anarchism. one that holds less and less weight nowadays when the majority of domestic terrorism is committed by white supremacists, who belong to a fucking variant of fascism, which is what anarchists are fucking against! AHHHHH! wtf dlkjfalkdjfkls!!!! (btw yes ik my educated leftists don’t fuck w any disney media bc the valid critiques on the disney oligarchy as a whole is enough reason to just know it’s all trash but maybe someone else is watching this and ready to analyze it too)

[kendrixtermina]

One thing that felt uncomfortable to go along with in the CF route for me was when Edelgard lies about what happened at Arianrhod to her closest allies (Black Eagle Strike Force) and blames it on the church. Can you give some insight as to why she does this? Especially when Edelgard criticizes the church for lying to the people of Fodlan, but isn’t she doing it here?

That’s certainly a moment that is genuinely ambiguous / a valid point of criticism and something I’d laud a whistleblower for exposing if it were a RL politician, but also the sort of realpolitik / appearance management that has taken place in most RL wars. 

Once you’re the leader of anything, allowing panic, division, etc. at bad moments comes with its costs. Of course this is hardly a carte blanche (see: Beating down legit protesters for superficial “order”), but neither is it a factor that can be ignored completely.

At the point of the Arianrhod attack Edelgard was one month away from seizing control of the landmass and ending the large-scale fighting, having one enemy taken out (the Church) and being able to turn all her resources on the other (the Agarthans)

The agarthans at this point know they’re losing control of Edelgard and they’re not stupid enough to have any illusions about her loyalty. So they fire a warning shot to demonstrate their superior weaponry. Arundel makes a thinly veiled threat to fire it on Enbarr. 

Of course at this point he basically gave away his location and allowed Edelgard & Hubert to come up with countermeasures, but they don’t want him to know that yet, their strategy involves that they keep being underestimated, let the Agarthans keep thinking that the “beasts” have no counter for the nukes pointed at their heads. 

But they still destroyed half a fortress killing the ppl inside. If she reveals that she’s got a rogue faction infiltrating her ranks that’s firing frightening superweapons nilly willy, there will be chaos outrage and disunity right before the final battle. If she doesn’t make a statement at all and declares it a mystery, no one will believe it and her own faction will get the blame throughout the country. So what does she do? Pin it on the enemy she is currently fighting anyways. The purpose here is not to reveal the Agarthan situation too early so they can focus on the church for now. 

It’s unclear if this was ever revealed to the public (probably not, I don’t think she’d cause a stir on principle alone) but the ending cards make it quite clear that the Strike Force was let in on the Agarthan situation later and helped her mop them up. 

Yeah, it’s defamation, an indisputable  textbook government cover up and maybe even technically a kind of propaganda, but her casus belli existed before it’s not like she’s basing it on the lie, and in most wars throughout history the factions have hidden or made a spin of failures & mishaps and made the enemy look bad. 

There are certainly many historical examples of such actions creating problems, such as fueling lingering resentments or creating general mistrust that can led to real information not being believed etc. so it’s by no means a safe action that is no big deal and I can see how it could be a legit dealbreaker for some, you certainly weren’t supposed to be 100% comfortable with it, or anything on the CF route, everyone involves is well aware that they’re doing ugly, costly things because (or so they see it) the alternatives are all worse. In that sense it’s the most self-aware one. It’s about actually looking at the bottom line of consequences, not what makes you feel like a hero. 

At the same time, doing things like that that squander her moral credibility genuinely IS a flaw in Edelgard’s leadership style - it’s probably why more ppl didn’t believe her manifesto, “she already lied to us cooperating with these shady guys”, making it look like a ‘he said she said’ situation to the wider public that can’t go & confirm the evidence for themselves. This is why Claude thinks he has a better shot at winning& implementing reforms in VW (”too shady for the ppl to get behind”) - just like Dimitri has no plans and Claude’s secrecy creating mistrust even when his secret plan is utterly benevolent.  Doesn’t matter how altruistic you are if you look suspicious it will have consequences I mean that’s how she loses on the other rouses, everyone ganks up on her cause she antagonized them all with suspicious actions. I’m not saying she’s any more perfect than the other 2. 

but putting that on the same scale as what Rhea did is comparing a candle to the sun. 

And maybe the Kantians in the audience will disagree with me but it can be a bit unhelpful to classify different actions of vastly different consequence and magnitude as “Lies”. There is a common principle (telling things that aren’t exactly true) but different magnitude. Clearly “The Confederacy was all great and glorious” and “I totally didn’t eat my little sister’s share of toffees” aren’t on the same level of immorality. 

Neither is below the “everythings fine and dandy” line but one is a lie about one incident for one clear purpose, and the other is creating a whole fake world view for the express purpose of control, maintaining harmful systems, suppressing any advancement of science & technology... for 1000 years. 

Scale, purpose and consequences are totally different. The arianrhod coverup coming to light would spark controversy & discussion on wether she should have done it under those circumstances; Some might change their opinion about her but overall everyone already knew that she’s not above dirty methods. If you told the average citizen of Fodland about all of Rhea’s lies, everything they know would be wrong. They would go from Adoring & worshipping her to being very confused about what’s true. 

It’s the difference between your average modern-day politician doing backroom deals with diverse industry lobbies to accomplish their other goals, and a place like Saudi Arabia. 

To get perspective here, let’s look at another example: Claude’s deceptions. 

He, too, ultimately wants what’s best for everyone and a lot of the time he decides to fool people to avoid fighting them, I don’t mean to bash him at all, but let’s look at his actions in and of themselves: 

Look at the sequence where he, Hilda & Byleth rope the church into helping them - that’s even more outright with the slimy politician tactics: He tries to downplay alliance involvement though he is totally in control, he says that “getting the church on our side will make fighting the empire look like a moral cause” implying that he doesn’t think it is one but wants to portray it as one to get ppl’s support, we’re told he made lots of promises to the merchants to get them on his side (so like that’s literal lobbyists), he installs Byleth as a figurehead, he tells the church ppl he wants to help them get back their old power when he really wants it to diminish and to drastically reorder the society.

He tells everyone he’ll help them save Rhea but while he still has basic human empathy for her & what happened to her he makes it clear he doesn’t want her to go back to being archbishop... at all. He even does this with Byleth: “Yeah, sure, teach we’re totally gonna save her”  though in their case he tries to hint that she’s not to be trusted for their own good. Despite his dishonesty, he’s actually a very good friend to them imho. (#broTP)

In the end the power struggle between Claude and Edelgard isn’t personal nor a righteous struggle - he’s just taking advantage of the chaos she caused and he needs the seat of power to reach his own goal. He thinks he can do it better and she’s in the way (and to be fair, she thinks the same about him) 

It’s your classic slimy politician: “he’s pretending to be for family values etc thing but really he wants power & is in cahoots with economic interests and he won’t do what he promised” etc. ... except with the plot twist that he’s deeply good and not actually all that ruthless.   In a sense he’s as much a total subverted trope as Edelgard.

So doesn’t he have the right to criticise Rhea either? Or do you see how, while not per perfect, he’s miles better and not remotely the same?

Edelgard isn’t 100% truthful, but by and large, she made her intentions very clear with the pamphlets and stuff (even if it meant antagonizing ppl who were against that) and all her soldiers generally know what they’re fighting for and are going to get out of it if they support her, or what the consequences will be if they fail, even if she kept some of the “how” to herself. 

Which isn’t to say that Claude ever makes ppl act against their interests even if it’s sometimes what he sees as their interests.

Under Rhea’s rule no one knew what the government’s doing, why it’s doing it, or to some degree, even that she IS the government... for 1000 years. There’s some cult of personality going on. She probably genuinely believes that it does benefit the sheeple to be “guided” by her, but she hasn’t even told Seteth about all she’s doing, she’s pretty much accountable to no one.

In terms of honesty, we could probably rank the lords like this: 

Dimitri (a few omissions at worst)

Seteth (lies mostly out of self-preservation)

Edelgard (some convenient secrecy here & there)

Yuri (about the same as El but I’d put him slightly higher for the fake betrayal) 

Claude (no one rly knows what he’s up to, but he gets ppl what he promised them and doesn’t outright betray them)

(very)

(big)

(gap)

Rhea (fake history, isolationist bubble, abuse of power left & right, manipulation, will smile in your face while planning to make you a meat puppet for her mom)

[dabistits]

i was wondering, whats are ur thoughts on redemptive suffering? i have Thoughts but they mostly depend on context?

in general: ‘redemption’ and ‘suffering’ are two different things. one is not earned through the other. redemption comes through active efforts to better oneself and to make amends for the harm caused, while suffering is just a state you go through. suffering is, in itself, no more redemptive than feeling sad or feeling happy.

i think sometimes redemption means that you will suffer, in a way, but i don’t think suffering takes priority. like, yes, if you break someone’s belonging, you usually pay them back, or find them a replacement, or offer your time/energy to do something else to help them. while you end up technically inconveniencing yourself, that kind of ‘suffering’ is more just a byproduct of the process of ‘redemption,’ and it’s very different from the idea that “i’m redeemed if i (literally or not) self-flagellate, or if other people make me suffer.”

“redemption,” imo, is to make things right with the person who was hurt, and to make an effort not to repeat that harm against anyone.

narratively: i still pretty much agree with what i wrote above, but i’ll address what probably sounds contradictory. take rendeavor [sighs]. i want him to suffer, but even if he suffers i don’t think there’s inherently any redemption because he’s suffering. i just want him to suffer because he’s a POS who doesn’t deserve happiness, and it would bring me satisfaction to watch him suffer (which i understand is against the anti-carceral spirit, but anti-carceral or not, you’re not going to able to reasonably stamp out negative feelings toward someone this vile. also he’s fake). 

additionally, i know a lot of people want rendeavor to specifically lose the power and status he’s gained, but i also don’t think that in itself is redemptive suffering. stripping him of his gains as a hero shouldn’t be understood as “punishment” or wanting “suffering,” it should be understood as a rejection of elevating the accomplishments of abusers. it’s not a “punishment” against him, but a demonstration of this specific society or community’s values as being anti-abuse. to continue allowing a person like rendeavor to be idolized would be suggesting there are any number of things that can “outweigh” abuse, essentially saying that “the violence you committed is not as important as the things you’re publicly admired for.”

(i know there are abusers and anti-carceral activists who feel like this idea of stripping someone of his status, for example, is a punishment along the lines of the prison system, but i do not think a true anti-abuse politics can exist without a willingness to make abusers feel uncomfortable, because (semi-)public scrutiny and self-examination to this degree is never comfortable. a society which prioritizes the abuser’s feelings over making sure the abuser cannot abuse again is a society that enables abuse.)

on another level, in narratives i think there’s also the possibility of writing in “karmic justice.” a lot of us want to see karmic justice in a narrative because, i think, it gives us a sense of validation that we don’t really experience IRL: if a character can’t/hasn’t been publicly “called out,” then they can be struck down by an act of karma as a consequence for the harm they’ve caused. i personally have nothing against this kind of narrative, although i think it’s still more “redemptive” if the character is forced to confront their flaws, and to understand their flaws through such a confrontation and grow from it. i think this is more the case with katsuki, who was never “called out” for his behavior, but who is repeatedly forced into situations where he has to deal with his pride and his inferiority complex, which in part contributed to his bullying of izuku.

on a societal level: i don’t believe in redemptive suffering on a societal level, and i think it’s actively counterproductive and even dangerous. it irritates me when i come up against it irl. for example, people thinking that suffering is redemptive is how you get white ppl at the oscars making white ppl jokes, rather than substantively working to fix hollywood’s racism or putting their money where their mouth is on antiracist endeavors. they think submitting themselves and their white compatriots to momentary embarrassment by being the butt of a joke is somehow showing allyship, but it’s just corny and useless. see also audrey kobayashi talking about white guilt.

buying into redemptive suffering is also what led to the US’s horrible prison conditions. prisoners are thought of as needing to suffer during their sentences in order to “make up” for what they’ve done (or didn’t do!) which is how they’re deprived of basic necessities and luxuries (like… books?). because prisons are geared toward making prisoners suffer as a part of their “punishment,” they’re actually stripped of any opportunity to better themselves. this doesn’t mean that all prisoners are “good people” or that none of them deserve “consequences,” but neither am i okay with the government running hundreds of facilities devoted specifically to making people’s lives as horrible as possible.

on an individual level: i don’t have a lot of thoughts on ppl thinking of their own personal experiences in terms of redemptive suffering. i think it’s not my place to dictate or really have an opinion on. the only thing i will say is that i see it as potentially damaging if someone leans into it too much, because it runs the risk of “justifying” one’s own suffering as some sort of redemptive state, and i think that’s unhealthy (e.g. abuse victims thinking that they’ve “earned” their abuse somehow). it could easily lead to disordered thinking patterns.

[flying-elliska]

You said it feels cool to have a specific identity but isn't that exactly why we are seen as the special snowflake generation? Not to mention wasn't the whole point to be free from stereotypes and dress however we want, love whoever we want etc? And yet there's now so many identities, labels, flags which create an implicit pressure to define yourself so you'll be included. Idk I think your french friends are right,it still feels like we're pushing people into boxes; they're just woke boxes now.

Hey anon ! Thank you for this very interesting question. I hope you’re ok with getting a mini-essay as a response (that’s kind of my brand now lmao)

So first of all, if you don’t feel like you personally need labels, you are totally valid. And so are my friends. I think you have to find out what you’re most comfortable with. It’s true that labels can be used to exclude, esp in the LGBTQ+ communities. I think we focus our activism a little bit too much on words and online stuff and media representation nowadays, as opposed to practical political action, and that’s an issue. And we focus too much on people not having the correct, latest approved terminology and labels as a way to show you’re a good person, as opposed to what people are actually doing and their lived experiences, and who is authorized to use what label and those debates often just exasperate me to the highest point. It’s like, don’t you have anything better to do ? It becomes very clique-ish, school courtyard drama at times. There should always be a place for questioning, fluidity, no labels, a place for discovery and uncertainty, shifting identifications, multiple labels at once, words changing, and questioning what place they take in our lives.

But, on the whole, I still like my labels, and I’m going to try and explain why. 

Labels are words right ? They have the benefits and drawbacks of words. A rose under any other name would still smell as sweet, of course. But we are a fundamentally social species, and words are a way to create bridges between people, between our experiences. It signals that you are not alone ; it’s a way to make visible things that are usually invalidated, ostracized or just plain erased by the mainstream and the status quo. The development of a vocabulary for the queer community was what made their political struggle and pride possible ; before it was “the love that dare not speak it name”, all euphemisms and shame. It honors, too, the struggle of those who came before us ; it places us in the continuity of a history ; it says we have been here before, it gives us memory and context. Of course words are going to betray us, because they can never retranscribe the fullness, complexity and confusion of lived experience. But they’re a conversation starter ; they bring people together ; they create spaces of freedom. 

I’m going to give you a personal example : a few years ago I fell in love with a girl for the first time ; after that I seriously started thinking of myself as bisexual. There had always been a thing there but because I had been mostly attracted to boys before, I’d swept it under the rug. But finding the ‘bisexual’ label made me realize - no this is a thing, this is valid, and it made me look back at all those instances in the past of having weirdly intense feelings for some of my girl friends, of being obsessed with certain actresses, etc…that back then I didn’t understand, I just thought I was weird…and I always thought that bisexuality was something that something Hollywood starlets did for attention. But finding a community behind that word that was seeking to reclaim it from the stereotypes and being proud about what it meant, it was so healing.

 After that I immersed myself more in my local LGBTQ+ community ; and in particular I volunteered for the European Bisexual Convention - that one in particular was incredible because it felt so…liberating. In the general LGBTQ community, people expect you to be gay until you say otherwise. In the student association I was in, it was cool, but it was also…very normative in a way. Lots of stereotypes about how we were expected to be, what we were expected to like, behave like. So for Eurobicon, to have all of that lifted, it was amazing. And it was also so much more inclusive - of disabled, neuroatypical, transgender ppl, different body types and ethnicities, like you could feel that they had made an effort. I also met several nonbinary ppl for the first time of my life and I was like…oh wow there’s something here that feels very important and real. We shared experiences that we did not have a space before, that were specifically bisexual and that tend to go unheard in general queer spaces because they’re not part of the dominant narrative : the daily hesitations, the lack of visibility, the much higher rates of staying closeted, feeling like you are not really part of the community, but also the really cool aspects too - there was this incredible energy of fluidity too of thinking, here is a space where everyone can potentially be into everyone, there aren’t as many barriers as we usually have to think about. And there was this one party and we were all dancing and flirting in a very sweet kind of way, people of different ages and body types, gender presentations and configurations I hadn’t thought about before, a girl in a wheelchair swirling around and being treated like a queen, guys in corsets and cool butches and just some beautiful people - and there was this euphoria in the room, of recognition and kinship, and it felt so…normal, not freakish like I had been led to believe it would be. Nobody was putting on airs or trying hard or whatever, they were just being themselves. And I was like, wow, this is something I need more of in my life. And this freedom was made possible by people coming together under a certain label, recognizing that certain people have specific needs and experiences. Especially after growing up in environments that never tell you that those things are possible, finding the right label can be like coming home. 

I have other labels for myself I am less public about because I don’t want to deal with the social aspect of it, or I’m like this is none of anybody’s business, or I want to give myself the time to figure it out on my own. But they’re tools for self-knowledge, they allow me to think about things, to conceptualize, to research (and lol I’m a nerd so…). And to be less hard on myself sometimes, and to stand up for myself in a ‘I know who I am and it’s okay’ kind of way. Because society tends to pathologize, ostracize or demonize the things it doesn’t understand, and labels can protect you against that. 

In an ideal society maybe we wouldn’t need labels - to have a right to exist or survive, and that’s definitely a goal, but I think we would still make some, because that’s who we are as a species, we need to classify certain things in order to think about them. The problem is when those boxes become cages instead of like, beautiful pots to grow seeds in, like art or poetry. And of course deconstructing the boxes we don’t want remain important. But I don’t think we can ever be box-less, it just to me doesn’t compute. 

I just wanna come back to the ‘special snowflake generation’ thing. If you don’t want labels, like I said, that’s fine. But I hate hate hate that term, and I don’t want to define myself in reaction to it. To me it’s used by a) bigots who just hate the fact that natural human diversity is becoming more recognized and discussed, and want to put us back in the artificial, stifling boxes that dynamics of power, patriarchy and imperialism have made us believe were normal when they really weren’t. And b) older people who are uncomfortable with increased levels of emotional intelligence and lability among younger generations. It’s a thing I’ve noticed over and over again ; people used to talk so much less. When they had feelings in general, or experiences out of the norm, they were taught that stuffing them down and sitting on them and repressing the shit out of them, was the noble/normal/grown up thing to do. So they did and they suffered in silence. And maybe some of them now feel bitter, or at least bewildered, by younger generations refusing to do so and inventing and or reclaiming all those new ways of talking about their experiences out in the open. And so they’re like ‘it’s too much ! you’re spoiled !’ because they want to believe that their sacrifices had a point. They don’t want to realize they could have done things differently all along. It’s very sad. But I don’t think it should be a barrier to us using them like…just as we shouldn’t refrain from using washing machines because our grandmothers suffered to wash everything in a bucket…There’s nothing entitled about wanting a better life than previous generations… And to me, having more words and more space to express myself will never be a bad thing. 

[rjhera]

4, 6 & 18?

4: Would your OC want to involve themselves in humanitarian work ? If yes, then for what? If not, then why not?

r’jhera: he does! well, depending on what u’d consider humanitarian work. he’s got a v robin hood vibe abt him where he likes to steal from the rich and give to the poor, and he donates to the honorhall orphanage, but he does so anonymously as he doesn’t want to risk his pride and image shatteringsonaire: she would like to? she’s not bad person by any means and still would enjoy helping others out - even if it’s smthn as small as tending to city gardens to make ppl happier. unfortunately, she’s known by the dawnguard and isn’t particularly welcome in cities for that reason. she’s also not trusted due to openly being a vampire, so as much as she wants to do things to help improve ppl’s lives or w/e, she simply can’t or she’ll risk her ownvalrien: absolutely not. he’s a terribly selfish bastard who doesn’t have a shred of empathy for others. the day he helps other ppl is the day pigs fly or... however the saying goesdalonar: he’s not particularly interested in doing anything of the sort, but he does go out of his way to care for spriggans on the down-low - much like r’jhera, he prefers to work anonymously and wouldn’t want anyone knowing abt what he doestho unlike r’jhera, it’s not due to his self-image or pride, it’s simply bc he enjoys doing it on his own and having others know of his work would make him feel threatened or ‘in the spotlight’ which he rly does not want

6: Does your OC have a realistic image of their own intelligence?

r’jhera: not rly? he’s quite smart but he’s also a chaotic dumbass who likes to believe he’s an incredibly intelligent and strategic guyhe’d probably eat mud if u dared him tosonaire: she definitely does. she knows she’s intelligent but she doesn’t flaunt it, and is quite tactical and rational w/ everything she does. she knows her limits, but that doesn’t stop her from putting herself to the test in order to learn more in order to gain more knowledgevalrien: he definitely doesn’t. he doesn’t believe himself to be intelligent, and is constantly putting himself down. he could say smthn rly smart but if someone pointed it out he’d deny it - fully believing he’s not capable of being anything but stupiddalonar: it’s not smthn he’s ever thought abt - he actually can’t read well or do much in general when it comes to using his smarts, so many might assume he isn’t very. but that’s not the case - he’s intelligent in different ways, and knows his way around alchemy and nature, and has a bit of street smarts. he knows he’s smart in certain ways and good at lots of things, but doesn’t believe himself to be so

18: What kind of intrapersonal values does your OC have? (values about their self, what makes them feel like a valid person)

i got this q on my other blog as well and i still don’t know what it means sorry ;w;

Original Character ask meme - Psychology edition~

[kemeticcalloutsfromthepublic]

We’d like to begin addressing this thread:

here

We apologize for this post being so long but there is just...so much here.

@thetwistedrope response:

“ Anonymous When your "joking with friends" ends with a transwoman in pain and bullied and in tears, an abuse victim having massive anxiety attacks, and another innocent commentator being *bullied into deleting their blgo and then gaslight off the server as a scapegoat, it's gone too far.  Honestly, it would have been better if you and your friends realized you guys went way too far and stopped trying to double down and just admit you went too far and made amends.

None of you can read for shit, I s2g. The screencap of me being “envious” is a completely separate conversation. “

We would like to address that the Anon seems to be referring to a litany of events rather then listing them in chronological order.  We’d like to add that they are making a good point, but would have benefited their position by being chronological.

We‘d like to point out Devo begins with an insult, ironically she and her friends are the ones who have reading issues.  We’d like to mention that the anon is entirely correct.  The events are going to far.

“My part in the situation with Princess Triangle was not bullying. Full stop. “

We’d like to point out that telling a transwoman her fears are “unrealistic”, and she is making excuses, is wrong, but in this mod’s opinion, borders on bullying, and is in fact transphobic.  You told a transwoman her fears aren’t real so she has no excuse to not out herself, stand up and be put in a position of danger as she felt she was in.

“I never told PT to out themself. I mean, they already said that they were out as a trans woman, so how tf you can make someone who is already out, out themself again is a complete mystery to me. “

We’d like to mention, you were among the people telling her to sacrifice her support systems to stand up and “rock the boat” (as she put it).  Something she was terrified of and didn’t want to be the only person standing up and end up the object of ridicule.  Princess Triangle’s position was one of fear of being left alone and the possibility of being ousted, not from “”comfort”” but from a place she felt she was accepted in and she didn’t want to risk that for a fight not really hers.  We’d like to remind you, Devo and her friends, alleviated her of that fear by making it a reality.  For the record “PT” said she was visibly trans.  Princess Triangle stated they felt like they wouldn’t be safe and they would compromise what safety they had in the group.  We’d like to state that whether or not the group would have become hostile is irrelevant to the point that she felt like her life was in danger, and Devo and co. told her to risk it anyways. To her present mind, Pricness Triangle made it clear she feared reprisals, she feared danger, she lived in that fear, irregardless of validity, so for her, it was real, and she was still being told to sacrifice herself.  To those reading, this should be taken seriously, it is this mods opinion, her following statements and thoughts were in line with this thinking and fear.

“Repeat: All you fuckers are reading inaccurate, edited screen caps in regards to the PT incident. “

We’d like you to prove that the 200+ screengrabs are “edited” and “faked” since you want to now conveniently claim it.  We’d also like to mention that Devo’s friends have tried four different defenses to try and escape responsibility and accountability for what they did.  We’d like to discount this baseless claim.  They are quite genuine.  We’d like to add Devo just doesn’t want to admit her own words are against her own defense of innocence.  The screencaps are accurate, and speak for themselves.  The reality is not pretty.

You have had plenty of time to post the “correct” screencaps.  If these were truly wrong, why haven’t you?  (oh yes, of course, smarmy did and they were the same ones we had posted)  Of course, Smarmy using them to refute things probably doesn’t help your case.

“And I’m sorry, but shezep acting like it was okay to state, quite literally, that we were calling PT a nazi is, frankly, asinine and too far.“

We bring you back to reading comprehension.  We’d like to correct Devo’s staggering inability to read, out of convenience, again, Shezep said you and your friends liken everyone who fails to follow your empty moral leftist platitudes are labeled something horrible like a nazis.  Shezep was making a comment about how toxic the left-wing is, how someone must be an evil person because they do not conform to your left-wing ideals.  A point they are absolutely correct on.  We’d like to state that Shezep did not deserve to be shouted down, shit-talked and ridiculed when they left.  Isn’t Shezep trans also?  We do believe that is two transpeople Devo and co. have bullied, not a very good look for those who ‘champion the downtrodden, discriminated, and totally support LGBTQ+ people...as long as they obey and repeat the correct thoughts and opinions.

“Again, I wouldn’t have handled it that way, but it’s not my server. I’m sorry (except I’m not), but I have no remorse for calling PT out on their complacency. “

We’d like to express our surprise that “feeling unsafe and like my life is in danger” is now “complacency”.  Transpeople need support, they need their support systems, and as Shezep correctly states here, trans people are subject to discrimination.  Princess Triangle was unwilling to be put in a position to be discriminated against and you weren’t pleased.  We’d like to express our utter shock that her status as a transperson, something the social justice kemetics have stated before is very important (‘listen to transpeople when they tell you their experience because they know it better then you do.’ we paraphrased) An important point Devo and co. conveniently abandon when a transperson doesn’t agree with them.

“Us white folks who are able to stand up should stand up.“

We’d like to ask, are you then saying that you did tell PT to out themselves and be put in danger? 

“It hasn’t stopped any of you for coming after me because y’all think I’m not doing enough. Does that make you all transphobic? “

Considering we are correct and haven’t expressed positions such as “listen to trans and poc people when they tell you about their experiences, don’t argue with them, just agree”, toting it as extremely important...No.  We are calling out your hypocrisy, when you violate the important positions and moral tenets you espouse to being of import, only to throw them aside like used tissues when they no longer serve you because you can’t use it to brow-beat someone else.  We’d like to remind you, you have no place telling a transwoman to expose herself to discrimination and danger to serve your crusade. 

“Maybe you should look in the mirror before you toss more bricks at my head. “

We would, but the ample heaps of hypocritical trash you and friends hurl into the mirror, seem to have broken it.

“You can get as mad as you want about how other people talked to PT. Some people went a bit far, yes.“

We must express our utter shock at this statement.  Maybe instead of trying to sweep your wrong-doing under the rug you should call ourselves out and lecture each other over why what you did was wrong instead of inventing hollow defenses to try and deflect blame.  We’d like to state we are just holding you to your own moral standards you and your friends constantly spew.  You seem to not meet the requirements you have set.  We’d suggest you stop defending yourselves and stop the mental gymnastics.

“But at the end of the day, you can’t keep acting as if I can magically control what everyone else does or says. “

We’d like to say, no, but they do listen to you and respect your opinion and would fall back and lay off if you told them to.

“And you shouldn’t keep acting like me telling a white trans woman to consider standing up and pushing back in places where its safe to do so is somehow transphobic.“

We’d like to remind you, you participated in beating down a transwoman, told her, her fears aren’t realistic and don’t really matter.  She expressed she didn’t feel safe and that really should have ended the discussion right there.  You went too far, you know you went to far and you got caught.

“And if it is, you all owe many of us an apology for doing the same goddamn thing to us. I can’t tell you how many times ppl get mad because I’m not out there “fighting the good fight” enough. trans status be damned. “

Considering you tell everyone else they have NO EXCUSE not to ever go out and “fight the good fight”, you’re a hypocrite.  You don’t go out and fight the good fight, what gives you the right to demand others do the same when you refuse to? 

“Esp because you’re reading edited screencaps. “

We’d like to ask...Does it comfort you to pretend the screengrabs are faked and edited?  They are, as we stated, legitimate.  Claiming over and over they are edited and fake does not change the reality that they aren’t. You look like a massive transphobic hypocrite.  And you are, the only shame here should be yours.  We would also like to ask, what proof do you have the images were altered?  There is over 200 of them and that is a staggering amount of evidence to edit.

We would address smarmy’s contribution to the post but we will leave that for our cohort if they desire.  This mod sees nothing of substance in the addition that merits response.

We will move on to @heofspeckledplumage contribution.

“I remind everyone that the screenshots posted by Kemetic callouts from the public are being posted by two mods with a well-documented dislike of both Smarm and Devo. Honestly, that seems to be the main point of the blog is to throw accusations at Smarm and Devo until something sticks. “

We’d like to congratulate you on your own inability to read.  For the record, they all stick.  Have you even read our mission statement?  Your shimmering ignorance astounds us, it’s right there on the blog, it requires minimum effort to look, but that is probably too much for you to muster.  To alleviate your smooth lobes of the strain, we’ve linked it for you, here.  We do hope you will be able to understand all the confusing words.

“KCFTP is not a neutral, bias-free entity. They have everything to gain and little to lose by framing the situation on the server as they prefer and by editing screenshots because they post under pseudonyms. There is no connection that anyone is able to draw between them posting there and their Tumblr accounts, and thus no accountability for anything they see on the KCFTP blog. “

We’d like to address that we aren’t, our “bias” is calling out what we see as wrong.  Your friends are very loud, and they say alot of stupid things we need to address and dismantle.  We have alot to do, and they are the ones who say the most hypocritical and rather foolish sentiments, so we call it out.  We’d like to mention the KC blog is anything but impartial and is also run by the same loudmouthed jesters.

We’d like to mention, why should we be held accountable when none of you are either?  You don’t police each other when you’re out of line, so it is rather hypocritical of you to pull the victim card and pretend you are sunshine and gumdrops.  The point of this blog is to correct the community the social justice kemetics have ravaged and pillaged to the point that it has become a toxic and horrible place.  We’d like to point out people leave the community because of the social justice kemetics and not the others you scapegoat.

“It takes about two seconds of thinking before one realizes that this is so they can stir the pot and say whatever baseless things they wish to and enjoy zero repercussions on their main blogs. “

We must say that is beautiful sophistry.  We are astounded you are a mind reader and can accurately report on our thoughts and feelings, what an amazing power.

We’d like to state nothing we’ve said is baseless, the proof is there, it’s easy to spot, but continue to shove your head in your ass and pretend it’s a dream.  We’d like to state, we never see you address your friends wrong-doing, you never step up and tell them when they go too far.  We have to guess you feel they are in the right.  Bullying transpeople, scapegoating someone at random on the server to blame for the screengrabs, labeling everyone a bigot and racist when they disagree, sending suicide anons to people.  You must be complicit in such thinking that these things are ok. 

“They are cowards and everything they say should be viewed through the lens of people who will stop at nothing to twist words to their own advantage. “

We’d like to say, you are confused again.  We understand the kool-aid is very disorienting, let us clarify: We don’t need to twist anything, that would be you and your friends.  Stop yelling at the strawmen, you’re scaring them.

The advantage is already ours because we don’t lie, we tell you the naked truth and why we disagree with your positions, opinions, and how your bullying isn’t just.

With the number of times you and your comrades have twisted other peoples words to your advantage--to the point where you have created entirely false statements, it is the height of arrogance and hypocrisy to accuse us of doing the same. At least we use your own words against you, instead of lies we made up.

“Stop hounding Devo and Smarm. You all need some hobbies. For all some of you talk about piety to the gods you could surely add some shrine time if you did that instead of trying to make Smarm and Devo responsible for everything the Kemetic community does.Quite frankly, y'all need to stop.“

We find this statement hilarious.  We have ample hobbies and shrine time, thank you for your concern.  The ones who need to stop are”y’all” not us.  “Y’all” have chased so many good people out of this community and made it so unsafe this blog became necessary to try and stem the tide of toxic waste you all vomit into the community.  We must say, for all the moral tantrums and hollow posturing you and your friends do, you do little else for this community.  All you people do is demand everyone be a far leftist, if they don’t you all squeal “BIGOT!!!” like a paniced pig.  You preach morality and commit nothing towards it but armchair activism of the vapidly myopic kind.  We’re sick of it.

You are quite right, Devo and smarm are responsible...They caused the rifts in the community.  They chased people away.  They began the drama with their social justice crusades and demands of kow towing to the groupthink.  They turned the community into an unwelcoming place.  And you helped them.

What was that you said earlier about accountability?  You seem to be ok with dismissing any and all accountability when addressed to Devo and smarm, but you want us to be accountable.  How hypocritical of you.  Clearly you need to spend more time in shrine contemplating Ma’at and treating people well, but wait, none of you really do that do you.  We’d like to tell you to close your mouth and try to really take a hard look at your friends antics. 

The hostility they have reduced the community to. 

We’d like you to spend less time being an apologist for these abusive schoolyard bullies, and more time seriously considering Ma’at.

You all act like moralizing puritanical inquisitors hunting for heretics to crucify, and that’s exactly what you do. 

You vilify good people who love the gods, and when an actual racist bigot sauntered into our community...you were all pretty quiet.  We found that very interesting. 

For all the posts and comments declaring how you loathe nazis and bigots and racists, when a real one showed up you lot barely spoke on it other then “just block kay?”

Then you continue on demeaning and denigrating everyone but them. 

You’re a hypocrite and nothing any of you say should ever be listened to.

The evidence piles up, speckled, and your friends weigh heavy on that scale against them.  Before you spread more lies about us (which is against ma’at we believe), sit down and consider if all the people chased away, all the people bullied out of the community, inventing fake racist gods to worship, claiming the Netjeru aren’t really that important to the religion, seeking to escape repercussions by spreading lies, brow-beating people down, corrupting others, and harassing others until they delete their blogs, consider if their actions...are just.  We did, and we viewed it is not so.  So sit.  The. FUCK.  Down!

We care about this religion, this community and we’ve seen the diarrhea you and your friends have excreted on it, turning it into a hostile and unfriendly place.

We are here to make sure, you are all held accountable.  You’re welcome.

--Memphis and Cairo

[bigskydreaming]

So there’s a post going around that’s popped up on my dash a lot lately, about the secret to fandom being love what you love and don’t worry about what anyone else is doing.

I.....look, its not really a shock to anyone that I Couldn’t Disagree More Strongly, right? LOL.

The problem I have with posts like that is they don’t make a distinction between “like what you like and don’t worry about if other people agree b/c everybody likes different things and there’s never going to be something that pleases everybody, so don’t try and base your fandom opinions/ships around pleasing everyone” 

and

“like what you like and don’t worry about if other people agree b/c people are racist and sexist and homophobic and there’s nothing you can do about it so don’t devote your fandom experience/time/energy to having a problem if the reasons people are hating on your favorite characters, stories, opinions are rooted in racism, sexism, homophobia and other shit.”

Like, these are two ENTIRELY different things, and the first is valid and fine and I agree completely but the second is HELL FUCKING NO. And the problem is when you spread around fandom positivity posts that put no effort or awareness into acknowledging that these are two entirely different phenomenon, effectively all you do is give implicit support to the people who deliberately REFUSE to acknowledge a difference and thus point to fandom positivity posts as fodder for why someone’s being Difficult for pushing back against bigoted bullshit.

Fandom isn’t a fun, shiny happy place and it isn’t MEANT to be, because all fandom is....is another place/way in which humans congregate around a certain shared interest or focus. That’s it. That’s all fandom inherently is, which means when you push back against people ruining it by ‘worrying about what other ppl are doing in it aka being shitty bigots’ on the grounds that they’re infecting it with like....reality? idek. But you’re simply doing the exact same thing humanity does in EVERY SINGLE SPACE it carves out for people to congregate for whatever reason or purpose......and that thing is the group or groups who hold a majority in that space speaking over or shutting down anyone who has something to say that the majority do not want to hear for whatever reason.

People turn to fandom for escapism a lot of the time. I get that. Everyone needs escapism from reality. Everyone DESERVES a place to go to get away from the cares of reality and enjoy themselves.

But here’s the problem: there’s a lot of things in life that EVERYONE deserves, but only some people actually get.

And while I fundamentally agree with the idea that everyone deserves a fun fandom experience and a place to escape to.....it becomes a problem if the only way you can maintain that fun fandom experience and escapist refuge is by shutting down other people when they say ‘hey, this place isn’t as fun for me and all the problems I came here to escape from are still here thanks to these people.’

Because once you do that, you’re essentially no longer saying that you think everyone deserves a fun fandom experience or escape from reality. You’re saying you deserve it MORE than those other people.

Don’t get me wrong, I think we all need to figure out a balance for ourselves, and prioritize what’s best for our own mental health and emotional well being. I’m not telling people to develop martyr complexes or bullshit like that. We have to take care of ourselves before we take care of other people. That’s a thing. It’s true. We don’t do anyone any favors by neglecting what we need to get through the day. It’s OKAY to be selfish sometimes. It’s just not okay to be selfish all the time, or to say what you’re doing to put yourself first has no impact on anyone else.

Like, its literally just about being aware of reality?

I’m just saying, there’s a difference between focusing yourself on a corner of fandom that’s solely about the things you like and not worrying about what’s going on elsewhere because its what you need to do FOR YOU, because there’s things in your life you need escape from, because in this place you retreat to in order to replenish your spirit, you don’t have the spoons to spend on anything but that, so you have the strength to go about your day....

and between telling people to just like what they like and not worry what anyone else is doing or saying even when they pop up to give you shit for what you like, no, just blacklist things and block people and continue liking what you like, that’s the secret to a good fandom experience.

And that’s where I go like, ummm....no. Again, mental health and well being is a priority. Absolutely people should blacklist and block people and just look for positivity with like-minded individuals if that’s what they need to get something enjoyable out of a fandom experience.

But my problem specifically lies with the flip side of that, the implication that fans are doing something wrong by yes, worrying about what other people are doing and how this impacts them and their fandom experiences, and responding to and reacting to and calling attention to the fact that shitty people are being shitty in fandom, just as they are elsewhere in realms of human interaction.

Because that’s when you get into telling people with less power to suck it up and settle for the fact that they have less power, and that the people with more power will always be shitty so the best thing you can do for yourself is to find a way to ignore that.

That’s not how society is supposed to work, just because the people with the most power in society have spent generations just trying to convince everyone else that this is how society is supposed to work.

Power, voice, visibility, are not excuses to be shitty. The inability of people to effectively push back against you being shitty, is not an excuse to be shitty. This is how its always been, is not an excuse to be shitty.

And we know this. We ALL know and understand this. As a society, we have NO problem using collectively held opinions to push back against things we all agree are shitty, and no, I’m not talking about laws even, so much as....shame, the way we express opinions to each other and about certain things, the way we interact with each other and acknowledge what are and aren’t acceptable social behaviors.

Like, we shame people for committing certain awful crimes. We all do this. We say murdering innocent people is bad, and cast shame at people who do it. We teach kids (supposedly, hah) that taking stuff that doesn’t belong to you just because you want it isn’t acceptable. We all, as a society, shape what is or isn’t considered behavior we’re willing to put up with from each other in an endless variety of ways.

And guess what? Like all tools, the tools with which we do this do at times end up used in negative ways as well as positive. To harm instead of help. Absolutely there’s a LONG history of people in power hijacking the tools with which society determines what is and isn’t acceptable behavior and using it to advance their specific agenda, encouraging people to turn on each other or specific groups and express that certain acts or behaviors or entire identities are shameful, not because they actually are but because it serves the purposes of those in power to convince people that they are.

But a tool being used wrongly in the wrong hands does not like.....magically negate the validity of that tool or its ability to be used positively, and that’s where online culture, and fandom specifically, so often has me going UMM WHUH?

We’ve got people out here proudly and defiantly taking a stand against ‘being shamed’ for stuff like pedophilic works of art as though they’re the disenfranchised underdog, the powerless victim pushing back against the oppressor because SHAME IS BAD AND THUS ANYONE TRYING TO SHAME ME IS BAD or whatever.....as though we haven’t as a society collectively spent the last several decades saying umm yeah, pedophilia is shameful.

I’m not looking to get into the fiction vs reality argument here since I’ve had that one to death elsewhere, but also because its not the point. The point isn’t whether certain fans should feel ashamed or not for specific behaviors others express should be shameful.....the point is the way so many people in fandom seem to be in agreement that the very ACT of someone trying to shame someone else, or express disapproval of their behavior.....has somehow been come to be seen as a call to arms, as though that in and of itself is the issue, not whether or not there’s merit to either side’s position.

Like its all or nothing, regardless of context. 

So many people in fandom are happy to act like other groups in fandom (USUALLY made up of marginalized communities or people expressing ‘controversial’ and thus less commonly held opinions) - so many people act as though those groups expressing judgment over some other part of fandom’s behavior is in and of itself an UNACCEPTABLE attack, something that should never be condoned....instead of simply an example of what society has ALWAYS done to convey whether or not certain behaviors are acceptable.

Again, I’m not talking about the MANNER in which this judgment is expressed. I don’t give a single fuck about hearing arguments about how ‘antis’ are ‘just as bad’ as people who create fanworks they consider harmful or toxic and how they harass people, etc.

I’m not saying that never happens. I’m not saying that’s okay. I’m just saying....that is not the point I’m making here, not the point plenty of other people have made before me, and yet its one of the handful of expected and predictable responses that ALWAYS come up as though it (true or not) addresses the actual point. Which it does not.

The point is....take issue with the specific reasons someone pushes back against certain behaviors, fine. You don’t have to automatically agree they’re right. Take issue with the specific ways someone pushes back against certain behaviors, fine. You don’t have to condone them or say they’re justified.

But don’t dance around the issue as though you’re incapable of grasping that the point is its not somehow wrong or victimizing or oppressive for people to express that they think certain opinions and behaviors are shitty and bad.

The fact that shame has been used to oppress at times in the past does not mean that a bunch of people gathering together to express “We think this thing that you’re doing here is bad” is like....inherently oppressive ESPECIALLY THE FUCK WHEN THE BUNCH OF PEOPLE GATHERING TOGETHER HAVE LESS POWER THAN THOSE THEY’RE CALLING OUT BECAUSE OF THE TWO GROUPS, THEY’RE THE ONES WHO ARE ACTUALLY OPPRESSED.

Because when the only alternative to people expressing they feel certain behaviors in fandom spaces are harmful, oppressive, toxic, or in other ways impairing other peoples’ ability to have a fun fandom experience or use it for escapism.....is to tell those people to just ignore all that toxicity and focus on something positive, like.....call it what you will, but that’s not for their benefit, its for the benefit of those who like and are comfortable with the status quo.

NO SHITTY BEHAVIOR IN HUMAN HISTORY HAS EVER BEEN ‘FIXED’ BY TELLING ITS VICTIMS TO IGNORE IT.

The ONLY thing that has ever accomplished is to allow people who are capable of ignoring it without their lives in any way being impacted....to continue to go about what they were doing, without seeing or feeling there’s any reason for things to change, for efforts to be expended, for them to have to adjust their view of their surroundings or how they interact with their surroundings or other people within them.

And like, lol, but ‘having the choice whether or not to acknowledge something because it doesn’t innately affect your life either way’ is literally another way of describing privilege, so....I mean.....

ANYWAY.

[ms-marmar]

quarantine relapse

hey y’all! i hope you’re safe and healthy. with the state of things around the world, it’s hard not to feel distress, hopelessness, anxiety, pain, and a whole lot of other negative feelings. 

for one thing, quarantine has been difficult, to say the least. ive come to notice that many (myself included) have created expectations for themselves to practice certain behaviors during this pandemic in efforts to try to carry on as if things were normal, minimize the effects that this shift in environment has on us, and prevent ourselves from becoming “lazy.” ppl have set out to try to be more productive (from home), follow a schedule, dabble into new hobbies, work out from home, try new recipes and diets, etc. 

unfortunately, many face even more struggles with this pandemic than just a shift from their daily routine. many of you are facing insecurities regarding your health, employment, finances, and much more. such pressures can trigger increased anxieties and lead to the unhealthy coping mechanisms (ie. self harm, restricting, binging, purging, etc) that you’ve built up over time.

i struggled (and still struggle) to commit to a routine, often feeling guilty for failing to do so. i thought about how i was lucky to be in the comfort of my financially stable household, seemingly separated from the outside world and personally unaffected by the coronavirus. i have so much privilege in this moment that i shouldn’t be feeling such despair and instability. im stuck at home, with nothing to do but sit around on my laptop to attend online classes and try to find some hobbies to pass the time. even though everything else going in the world hangs in my mind like a grey cloud of concern, the biggest worry constantly invading my mind was just about what i had to eat. im sure youve heard ppl despair over the possibility of gaining weight by staying cooped up at home, unable to go outside or to the gym. in a house full of food, many of which are “fear foods” with long shelf lives, ive been battling the temptation to mindlessly binge on snacks all day. it’s also easy to opt out for restricting. for instance, when supplies are low at the store, you decide NOT to get that last loaf of bread, thinking someone else could use it more than you. by justifying that you dont need that food, it can become a cycle of justifying that you dont need any food. there’s also that feeling of guilt that arises when you do get the food, knowing full well it’s something that’ll just get purged. there are numerous experiences y’all have gone through and are (re)facing right now as a result of our present day. the pandemic has created circumstances in which new thoughts and anxieties provide a gateway to practicing disordered eating behaviors as a source of relief.

as a result of this quarantine climate, all these thoughts and expectations, many of which have resurfaced from the shame and guilt ive already felt for years, continued to build up. my concern over weight gain turned into fear, and i fell back into the vicious cycle of binging and purging. 

thing is, nothing right now is normal. the moment we’re living in is beyond control. it’s natural to feel helpless. however, we can’t let that take over our lives. the “little” things we can contribute every day to help the cause (ie. social distancing, limiting going outside, being hygienic, showing appreciation to essential workers, keeping yourself and others informed, donating to groups, etc) can go a long way. you’re not helpless if you can do something to show your support. additionally, we don’t need to punish ourselves for the changes we’re experiencing. staying at home might mean we don’t move around as often, and that’s okay. you being hungry after sitting all day? also okay! all these are natural as we adjust to these lifestyle changes. 

apologies i am late with this. for some, quarantine restrictions are easing up. however, pls continue to limit your outside excursions,practice social distancing and hygiene, and wear masks. times are ambiguous and cases are still very much present (and numbers continue to rise). in addition, social justice movements have experienced a recent surge. pls be safe and support your families, friends, and communities. we all deserve to be treated equally and need to stand up to oppressive systems in whatever ways we can. take time to educate yourselves and others, while maintaining a balance in order to not overwhelm yourselves and create more stress/anxiety. i know these ideas seem contradictory, but i know each of us have different thresholds for stress. find yours and develop healthy mechanisms to cope with them. reaching out is always the best option. 

takeaways n important things to keep in mind or try (some of which you may have already heard before; however, sometimes we need a reminder):

-its okay to relapse. recovery is full of ups n downs, its not linear

-u dont have to earn the right to eat. ur body is communicating to you what it needs. if you’re confused over your hunger and satiety levels, which often happens due to changes in brain chemistry, maybe this guideline is helpful. it’s from one of my lectures in an eating disorders class i took last quarter. act according to your body’s physiological responses. if you’re hungry, please eat. if you’re about to go over your fullness levels, please stop yourself and do something else to distract you. maybe call a friend to hold yourself accountable. ik everything is easier said than done, and i struggle with this myself, but every thought and effort counts:

-limit your media use. sometimes watching the news all day or watching how others seem to be doing great in quarantine can trigger anxiety and disappointment. opt for enjoyable activities, learn something new, or meditate. 

-try to eat regularly. 2-3 meals a day, with some snacks between. do not ignore your hunger cues. you might then become very hungry, which increases the likelihood of binging then purging. 

-you’re not alone. many articles have been written about how quarantine has made a hard blow to everyone, especially those with need insecurities and/or mental illness. i encourage you to please reach out to any trusted individual in some way if you’re experiencing any challenges. refer to the bottom of this post for some links about having ed’s during the pandemic. seek covid relief and emergency funds if you are in need (here’s an informational website with grant resources in the US link)

-having said that, seek out a support system. therapists, support groups, etc have moved online. now is the time to join them, especially if you haven’t had time in the past. talk to friends and/or family when you can. be transparent with your needs. 

-feel free to reblog with or comment any resources you may find helpful for others

there are definitely some viewpoints that i’ve missed, and i apologize if through this post i haven’t made you feel a part of this struggle when it’s something you also experience. i just want to say that every experience is valid, and they vary widely. eating disorders affect ANYONE. i wrote this mainly with my own experiences and observations in mind, and i’d love for you all to share your own stories. i want you to keep fighting through. i want you to see the end of this pandemic, to be able to go outside again and experience life to its fullest. all those plans you had but were forced to cancel? you can do them when things have become okay again. didnt have plans? make some so you have something to look forward to when this is over. you have to conquer this battle by putting your health first and realizing the danger you’re putting your body in when you engage in disordered eating. there’s so much waiting for you in the future. recovery is a long, hard journey that we’re reluctant to embark on at first. but i promise that nothing will feel as beautiful and relieving than when you live free from this toxic mindset. pls stay safe everyone. my heart goes out to you and all the different struggles you’re facing. we’re in this together. 

thank you if you’ve read this and made it this far. 

articles about ed’s during quarantine:

1 2 3 4 5 

ms-marmar xx