#presented without caption because i hate how these turned out

[carovisetto]

[enigmaticdiary]

i am rewatching episode 1 for rewind the tape :) I've seen the pilot probably around 20 times at this point but I've only watched it by myself.... once! so for the first time since my first time watching it alone, im gonna do it again with a head full of knowledge of the iwtv book and the full season. and im turning off captions so it's less reading and more watching and close observing for me >:D

Below is a liveblog!

WARNING: I FUCKING LOVE TO TALK AND POINT OUT USELESS THINGS ON EVERY SINGLE THING I SEE. THIS POST IS GOING TO BE A MILE LONG. Also im still not great at putting my thoughts together.

hmm. I would read molloys book on kaposi sarcoma and hiv/aids. i love how well the fake book covers and this advert are put together because so many times I've been asked by friends who i showed the show to if it was an actual commercial LOL.

THE PIC ON THE BACK OF THE BOOK GOING FROM LUKE TO JUST AN ACTUAL PICTURE OF YOUNG ERIC BOGOSIAN? LMFAO. The casting is genuinely so perfect in this show. hehe i like how well the passage of time is depicted through the book covers too, not just in. the photos for daniel obviously but for the aesthetic styles of the covers. the cover they made for "the internets gavel" is sooo mid 2000s. I love the attention to detail for these things on screen for less than a second because it gives a fool like me something to look at and praise simply because the detail wasn't overlooked.

"hate and ashbury" man this is such a good title too. simply because im looking at it and sifting out details it's such a good way to get even more insight into molloy's character. while I don't need to get into a history lecture of haight-ashbury, it tells a lot because it was a historically hippie neighborhood in the 1960s and the birthplace of the counterculture movement, it says a lot for molloy especially seeing the previous three fictional books he wrote about, being hiv/aids crisis, the politics of climate change in the United states, the governments attempts at putting stricter regulation on the internet... I could get into how this connects with molloy's character more in relation to his desire for vampirism but i am barely over a minute in and I've been typing for 15 minutes now!!!

"Preparing For An Interview" NO WAY. GUYS!

No no no i will not pause every 10 seconds and try to connect the thematic dots of everything being presented to me. I need to save that for the video essay im writing!

louis' beautiful handwriting❤️

i dont know why daniels scrunched up face is so fucking funny to me.

Jesus okay watching this without captions is actually really difficult for me i see why i need them all at all times. If im not rewinding because i keep fucking pausing im rewinding because I didn't understand a fucking word i just heard. Despite seeing the episode 20 times.

Hmm.. What personally redemptive accomplishments could louis be referring to..?

UUGGGHHHHHHJJJJJJJJHHHHHHHHHHHHHFHHHH sorry Louis on screen and i started tearing up. Hello armand goodbye armand.

Yah.

Do you think louis goes on twitter sometimes.

Yah?

COVID MEDIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COVID MEDIA!!!!!!!!!!!

Louis has changed... The only big change he's mentioned between Interview 1 and now that I can recall off the top of my head is that he stopped killing in 2000. I wonder why? I wonder many things

Truth and reconciliation....

Armand being concerned with daniels editor seeing/hearing what was said. I am vaguely aware of the theory that armand has possibly been up to mindfuckery with both louis and Daniel and i can only wonder if this has been mentioned to buoy that theory. To control the narrative.? Hmm... but why?

I know Daniel was annoyed by louis calling him "boy" but i think it's kind of cute. Even with nearly 50 years passing by, the old human is still young to the vampire who has lived going on twice his lifetimes. I am not 10 minutes in and I have been typing for 40 minutes!

FUUUUUUCK sorry. louis

I have no commentary on louis introducing. LESTAT. sorry, not him. On louis introducing new orleans and his the place he inhabited in it. I think its pretty self explanatory and explicit, yeah?

BRICKS❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh my god the fucking "Oh—goddamn." upon seeing fenwicks diarrhea dick is Ao fucking funny. Louis acting like he would actually have a problem seein a dick or too. Probably would have a problem seeing fenwicks tho (unshitted on). I don't disagree there. Maybe the poop camo is for the best....

Yiu can't be saying that racist jake the dog

Id stick my finger in fenwicks wound and see how deep itd go.

Hi paul

The lord told me to cum. Sorry im 5 years old

Paul punching louis is genuinely so fucking. LESTAT AND HIS FUCKING GOOFY ASS HAT OH MY GOD!!. Sorry. Paul punching Louis was so fucking funny to me because I know that if they were not on that street and were at home or something they would be SLUGGING each other until grace has to pull them apart. Then hug it out :) Idk is this how siblings work im pretty much an only child

I keep having to google words help. HELP. NOT ME HAVING LOOKED UP "PULPIT" ALREADY AND APPARENTLY COMPLETELY FORGETTING WHAT IT MEANS.

Immediately another word I have to google. Im not gonna say I'm stupid for not knowing these words, i did not grow up with the church as closely as others...

i do think a lot about the pointe du lac household before their father died. like. A lot. Theres so much in that brief interaction mentioning him. The sugar cane, the hospital, the Diversion.

Ill never forget the first time i rewatched this ep After learning about the mayfair witches and seeing this scene and being like: GASP! OH MY GOD! ANNE RICE REFERENCE! IT'S ALL CONNECTED!

Paul is so fucking funny like the shade he's constantly throwing, please take a break LMFAO

hng. (louis)

Googling words again. Hmmm the internalized homophobia yes yes i see. Sorry need to google another fucking word. Oh. oh louis...... Ok I can see how my mom picked up on louis being gay so fast. I am a smart boy but my vocabulary is pathetically limited so "big" words going over my head made what should've been pretty obvious be absolutely indecipherable to me. Sorry for being stupid (im not)

I am 17 minutes in and I have been watching and typing for an hour!

Louis: everyone in here is white so its easy to pick out who's gonna call me a nigger to my face and whos gonna do it behind my back

Sir..... Mister....

Hes here

Microaggression 1

TWO.

THREE.

FOUR?

LESTAT CONTINUOUSLY HITTING ME OVER THE HEAD WITH BRICKS

His hair looks like shit

IM. GOING TO KILL HIM. Dont worry louis get behind me.

YOU GONNA FALL VICTIM TO THIS MAN WHOSE HAIR GOT CAUGHT UNDER THE IRON?

Oh my god Leswirl de lioncourt PLEASE PLEASE I CANT TAKE THIS. Actually started growling out loud and said "Shut rhr fuck up, oh mt God.!!!"

IVE EMPTIED A BANK VAULT SAMPLING. S. AJSHKSKSJZMSMS PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP OH MY GKD. PLEASW. ISNSSMJAKSNSMSJAJZMSUAUBZNZ

Lestat put your ears away, please.

Me, watching this for the first time at the age of 20: Is this gay...? No... it can't be. They would put gay in a show...? For real? (in denial and scared of being queerbaited despite the most explicit homosexual overtext)

MISS CARROLL THEYRE HAVING A DICK MEASURING COMPETITION.!!!!!!!

Unfortunately lestat did kind of serve there but throwing his dick down on the table embarrassing louis like that in front of miss carroll and lily was evil and racist somehow And he should be sentenced to 40 good slams in thr head with a brick

If paul didn't punch louis none of this would be happening

Lestat: God i love to troll

Who the devil you say.? Well...

Oh lord louis' face card sorry didn't mean to moan like that. I saw a maj so beautiful I threw up evrrywhere

Hmm. The racism

FUUUUUUCK LOUIS IS SO CUTE I NEED TO KILL MYSELF!

Lestat needs to put his ears AWAY he looks so bad with his hair that short.

What IS this insane time freezing trick lestat is doing? God when im actually giving myself a chance to really absorb myself in the show that scene is actually pretty fucking scary LOL

I NEED TO DIE I HATE HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SHIOT ME IN THE FUCKING HEADA

Lord have mercy the sheer SEX in his eyes as he looks at louis' neck. I nedd to die

Paul..... I need to kill myself for emotional reasons not related to loustat

Egypt reference! Wow! Gabrielle allusion ! "The means to make my way to paris" Ok well what if i

I FEEL SO FUCKING BAD AT HOW HARD I LAUGH AT PAULS SCENES. steven norfleet does such an amazing job in this role.

SAVAGE GARDEN!!!!!!! GUYS!!!!! B

Hooray! The scene that changed me literally Forever. Whatever, man.

Ykung violinist

lily and lestat circling louis like two lions descending on a zebra.

I had a dream about this scene once. I will not br elaborating.

Dude.

GUYS. SEX IS SO FUCKING AWESOME!!!

Guys.

God thid is so fucking crazy

Unfortunately this part does make me giggle especially having to see these two men floating naked and seeing sams fat ass Im about to start crying again

I wish vampires were real

Insert joe biden yelling faggot I don't have it on hand and i don't want to pause for 20 minutes to find it

MY FAVORITE SCENE EVERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PAUL AND LOUIS TAPDSNCING SO CUTE AARRRGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! The fact that thus scenr eas really all them, being jacob and steven, its so awesome.

WHEN THE BLACK JOY! And then thr Black suffering. Ok guys 21st time is a charm Im praying really hard I THINK I CAN STOP PAUL FROM JUMPING THIS TIME!

This is one of those scenes that really seperates black viewers from nonblack viewers because the way some of my nonblack friends have reacted to florence blaming louis has made me so insanely embarrassed.... I don't know how to explain it. But the shame from a black parent... especially the mother. I don't know. It breaks you in a different way than anything else. Theres a lot of nuance I want to say but I don't have the time or brainpower or expertise to word it properly so please just take my emotional response to this scene at face value.

sorry but lestat just openly asking during the funeral service where they got pauls coffin from is CRAZY.

Breaking finns arm was also crazy as fuck. Like would hs have done that if louis didn't get angry as fuck at him just then. Unfortunately knowing lestats character now seeing louis get mad like that probably made him hard as fuck and thr only way he can deal with it in the moment is to break that mans arm. Sorry I love how ar the beginning of this post i was like super into the nitty gritty and the details bjt then it just turned into me making fun of lestat and how hard he definitely was in like every single scene he was in

God. the pain.

Killing lily was in fact extremely racist and misogynistic of lestat. He should be stabbed many times for this

God.

Ok scene two that permanently changed me

Sorry to that poor stunt double that got knocked out then.

What rage you must feel as you choke on your sorrow. Unfortunately one of the hardest lines ever

No commentary. Hard to say things about this scene cause its just so good, man.

Oh my poor ashy grey blood deprived louis

Watching this scene with headphones on is crazy

GOD. GUYS. I LOVE SHOW. DID YOU GUYS KNOW I FUCKING LOVE SHOW???!!?? Pack it up guys This is one of the best pilots in tv history

To wrap up this post, it took me about 2 hours and 20 minutes to finish the first episode. I spent twice as long watching it BECAUSE I LOVE TO FUCKING YAP!

[sunshinemunchkin]

Dumbass

pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

summary: after a particularly hard and dangerous case, you and aaron are worried for one another. that worry eventually presents itself as anger and love.

warnings: crying, anger, mentions of alcohol, yelling, love confession, insecurities, kissing

word count: 1.7k

a/n: yet another love confession... i have no regrets. but i do have some smut pieces coming soon 👀 also gif credits to my lovely friend @shyhotch thank you megs also i chose this one simply because you said he looked disappointed in your caption and i agree-

>>>>

anger overtook every other emotion that you were holding inside of you. worry and love overshadowed by the rage that you felt inside at the actions that were carried out on this case. you were the first one out of the elevator when you got back to quantico, go bag swinging with every puff of air you let out.

dropping your bag off at your desk, you rush over to an empty conference room, shutting yourself in. heavy sobs wracked your body as the darkly lit room held you up. a soft knock was heard on the door, you didn’t dare turn. “y/n. i’d like to see you in my office, when you have a moment.” hotch’s firm voice echoed in the room, your sniffles accompanying it as he shut the door after a moment of hesitation.

you wiped your eyes and mustered up what shred of dignity you had left and exited the office. all eyes were on you and your red rimmed, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks to match. with a soft knock on hotch’s office and your access granted, you stepped inside, inhaling sharply when you met his wild gaze from where he stood in front of his desk.

“you wanted to see me?” your sentence came out more as a mumbled question, something that irked aaron to no end. he hated mumbling, and from you and the way you were acting like a brat certainly didn’t help things.

the man pinched his brow, trying to release some of the tension that was sitting behind his eyes. he failed miserably, the thought of a massage settling on his weary bones. he looked up at the clock, checking that it was after hours before moving over to his cabinet. he ended up pulling out a whiskey glass and a bottle of his best. you watched his movements like a cat ready to pounce, your guard up and getting ready to defend yourself.

he took a moment before speaking, “your actions today were unacceptable. you went against a direct order.” his brow was furrowed and his chest puffed out with frustration. aaron couldn’t believe how reckless you had been going into the house without backup. the team couldn’t have been more than four minutes away.

“and you’re a dumbass.” there you were mumbling again. though aaron heard you, loud and clear.

“excuse me?”

“you’re a dumbass! aaron,” you paused to scoff at the man in front of you who stared at you dumbfounded at the fact that you were suddenly so worked up as opposed to how you were when you first walked into his office, “you ran in there without a vest! you could’ve been hurt or-.” your words faltered as the thought of the inevitable snuck up on you.

with a deep sigh, aaron walked up to you and stood in front of you, two tears slipping out of your eye which you quickly swiped away. you refused to meet his gaze, aaron had to take matters into his own hands in order to make you understand. so he gently raised your chin to force your puffy eyes to meet his.

a small smile crossed the man’s lips at the sight of your fearful expression. “you were worried.” he stated, not asked. you deflected his comment with a scoffing laugh, your eyes diverting away from him and staring at the glass of liquor over his shoulder. he moved so that you had no choice but to look at him.

with a stern raise of his eyebrow, you caved. “yes! i was worried. but damn it if i don’t have a right to be.”

“and why is that?”

your thoughts were flooded with nothing else but your feelings towards aaron. how much you care for him and his well-being. within every extra cup of coffee or attempt to lighten the load of his paperwork. in every light touch on his forearm or back to just get a feeling of him close to you. every soft glance from across the room, quick confirmation nod that he gave you to go ahead with a questioned motion. every single one of your thoughts were of him and you couldn’t stop your lips when they spoke for you.

“i love you.” your palm had found the expanse of your forehead, an audible smack sounding in the room after your words had been said. your action made aaron laugh, the scene seeming like something straight out of a cliche television show.

you met his chuckling face, not used to the expression on his face that was so carefree and downright beautiful. your eyes wandered quickly over his features, taking in the crows feet by his eyes and the dimple that poked out in his cheek. when the moment came for him to face you once again, your eyes were wide. to aaron, you resembled a deer in headlights.

“you know, the last person to call me a dumbass was haley. she was right about it most times with the shit i pulled.” a loose chuckle falls from your lips, matching the smile plastered on aaron’s face.

he reaches around you to snatch two tissues from the box on the table, handing them to you so you could salvage what was left of your makeup. you didn’t even really try, which made aaron take them from you and dab at your puffy and probably sore eyes. with your face held gently in his large hands, you couldn’t help but wrap your smaller hands around his wrists as he completed his ministrations on your cheeks.

a moment. that’s all it took for aaron to wake up to the reality of your words. you loved him? you loved him? how? in what universe was that true? you were worried about him? who took so many chances with his life; laughed in the face of death and threw caution to the wind? he who was so broken?

he stopped and your heart sank as his face was coated in the realization of it all. slowly, you held his wrists in yours and watched his every movement. from his labored breathing to the way he stepped back and recoiled away from your touched. it burned but you knew he needed to do it in order to process.

“you can’t.” was all aaron said, his voice threatening to break and return back to his professional tone all at once.

he sat back against his desk, his thumb rubbing against his middle finger nervously as he thought carefully about his words. you stood in front of him, messing with a string on your jacket.

“can i come closer?”

your words violently pulled the man out of his thoughts, his brown eyes snapping up to meet yours before nodding shortly. you moved cautiously towards him, a smile on your face as you did so. eventually, your hands had met his wrists once more, taking them away from their crossed position over his chest to lay in your care. you were so gentle with him, the thought making aaron’s heart clench.

he watched as your hands traveled up his arms to cup at his face. “it’s out in the open. might as well embrace the fact. that i am so desperately and painfully in love with you, aaron.” his lip quivered at the way you had so beautifully phrased your emotions for him.

it was aaron’s turn to hold your wrist in his grip, gently pressing his fingers against your pulse just to reassure himself that you were really standing in front of him. his breathing had steadied and you were much calmer than you were. he deserved this, he thought. he needed a win.

aaron had loved you since the time you had flowers sent to him when you noticed he was having a bad day. he knew it was you, though you never said anything about it. only making the comment of ‘lilies. your favorite.’ when he brought them down to place in a vase. it wasn’t the thought of you thinking to send him flowers, let alone his favorite ones at that. it was the fact that you held no hesitance around him, how you felt comfortable with him being both your boss and friend that you would take the time to notice that he was having a rough day and to do something nice simply because you wanted to.

“i-i’ve been in love with you for quite some time now.” he managed, your face lighting up like a tree on christmas. if that was all he had to say for you to smile like that everyday, he would say it for as long as he could.

aaron let go and allowed for his hands to trail down to your waist, smiling softly when you pushed yourself into his figure. your lips grazed his, eyes flickering between his mouth and honey irises. aaron couldn’t take it any longer, not with you this close to him.

with every fiber of his being, aaron hotchner kissed you. with fervor and passion, because for as long as he had known you, he had wanted to kiss you like that. like he had known you for a thousand years, like you were already his. you kissed back with just as much joy, your hands wrapping them in his soft brown locks as your feet floated up onto the tips of your toes. being a gentleman, aaron refrained from slipping his tongue past the barrier of your lips but couldn’t refrain from teasing you with it as you pulled away. a gasp was torn from your throat at the action, a smirk playing on the man’s flushed lips.

“you’re still a dumbass.” your lips threatening to brush against aaron’s once more and lock them together.

aaron simply smiled and pecked your lips without a care in the world, “i’m sorry. i’ll try to not make a habit out of it.” you giggled and aaron swore on everything that was good and holy it was the only sound he ever wanted to hear for the rest of his life.

on that note, he pulled you back to his lips, inhaling deeply once you had been connected with him again. “never gonna let you go, wild child.” you laughed against him and he made good on his promise. aaron never did let you go after that day.

[proserpina-magnus]

☘️ - NSFW alphabet

James Potter if haven't done one

This is a little choppy but I hope you enjoy it! Mwah.

James Potter NSFW Alphabet

Reader: tried to keep it as nb as possible )

Warning: pure smut and no editing

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Super comforting and he’s really affectionate. He loves to massage your back (which will probably lead to another round). And he does that cute thing where he’d rub his nose against yours. He’d cover you in blankets and literally would hand feed you if he could. He basically forces you to drink water as well.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves your thighs, he likes placing his hands on them and laying in between them.

He likes his stomach since he’s worked really hard on it over the last couple of years with quidditch.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He will wear a condom only if you want, but he’d much prefer to go without. He’s pull out game is strong as fuck and he usually cums over your ass or thighs, sometimes even stomach.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

James wants to do collaring and he’s been fascinated and keeps daydreaming about being your good boy or having the opposite and getting you a collar that says “daddy’s _____” (preferred nicknames like girl or boy, etc).

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s pretty experienced without actually have experience, he wants first times to be important so he was actually waiting for the right one (which happened to be you). He can definitely find his way around your body with ease, who knows how he knows how to do it.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary, he likes have your knees over his shoulders and takes his sweet time making the moment last as long as possible.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s a sap so he try’s not to be humourus, he wants the sex to be romantic and he can’t risk turning you off with one of his lame dad jokes.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

It’s a mess, he’s tried to shave it, comb it, trim it, it’ll just grow back. It definitely matches his head hair.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Like said before, James wants the sex to be romantic. He likes holding your hand and kissing your shoulder’s and lips until they're rosy. He just wants to take care of you.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Pretty often, he gets stressed sometimes so he’ll just get out a quick wank before heading to class in the morning or late at night.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He has a ton, d/s is very present and the roles switch between you both often. Power play is a must and he has a big thing for bondage, he loves all the different knots and shapes, he thinks the ropes look pretty against your skin. There’s others like makeup, he weirdly finds it attractive when mascara runs down your cheeks.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Usually in his dorm, he prefers to have his time and spend every second admiring and taking care of you. He rarely would want to do something out of order and he needs a quick notice before trying a new location. He usually promises you he’ll satisfy you later if you become needy during class or at hogsmeade.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Everything, fuck me eyes go along way for him. Sometimes you don’t even mean to get him going and he’s rushing you up to his dorm. He likes the uniforms too, he’d purposely mix up your robes or house ties just so people would know you’d belong to a certain wizard.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He’d like spanking to a minimum, but the second he sees blood he freaks out. Even bruises make him worry and he’d begin to cry and kiss over it, promising you he’d never mean to hurt you and he’d be super careful next time.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers receiving it, since he likes the stability of cumming down your throat. But if he’s subby he’s prefer to give you pleasure, he just wants to please you.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends, sometimes after a quidditch game (depending if he won or lost) he’d take it out on you, rough and fast sex was a must so he could released all of his pent up tension. But then he’d get really soft and gentle to soothe over the rough behaviour. If he’s subby, he’ll let you control everything.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Personally he doesn’t like it, a quick blow job in between classes is alright with him or even a quick fuck in the showers in the changing rooms, but he prefers his time and he’d rather have you all to himself for a few hours.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Not necessarily, he likes boundaries so you both talk over them often and he’d just do whatever was in the green zone. Sometimes if he’s being a hard dom he’ll try a risky move, wait for you reaction and depending on that he’ll keep it up or drop it immediately.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Oh boy… he’s not the Gryffindor quidditch caption for nothing. He’s athletic, charming, and a golden retriever boyfriend. He definitely can go for 4 or 5, depending on his mood and on time, since it doesn’t take much to make him cum.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn’t, he’s a bit embarrassed but he definitely isn’t opposed to watching you play with yourself. He actually loves mutual masterbation and he enjoys watching you show him all the things that make you feel good.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He hates teasing you but loves when you tease him, every little look or if you grab his arm for protection, he’s creaming in his pants. Whenever you whisper in his ear, even if it isn’t sexual, he’s gulping and fixing his trousers.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Subby James moans a lot, he whines and whispers and he likes to talk. But more dominant James groans and whispers cusses (which is the only time he rarely swears because he hates cuss words).

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He enjoys morning sex way to much, he likes the sunlight beaming in and the slow and groggy movements due to being sleepy, he loves the little whines and enjoys the cold air from the morning cooling off his hot skin.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

A solid nine inches, come on he’s James Potter. He’s quite proud of it too, smirking whenever he see’s a tummy bulge or even when you have trouble standing after sex.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high to the extreme, he never knew how horny he truly was until he began to date you. Every day he wanted to take you to his dorm and try new things, he wanted to be cocooned in between your legs.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If he’s had a long day, it doesn’t take long. He’s a gentleman so he’ll kill you to sleep before he passes out, but sometimes you’d get back from the bathroom and see him sprawled out, a big grin on his face.

--

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[elysianslove]

Hiii! I loved your Iwa fluff headcanons and was wondering if you could do one with Suna? thanks <3

yesyesyes i would love to!!! iwaizumi’s version. 

↬ when suna was younger, he really, really wanted a pet bunny. like he really, really loved bunnies, and would beg his parents day and night for one. he even made a really badly edited powerpoint on bunnies and why he deserves one (aside the editing, it was a very persuasive powerpoint. they filmed him while he presented it and the video haunts him to this day). his parents were relentless, though, and didn’t get him his bunny. instead, though, they surprised him with a cat. a cat isn’t as high maintenance since they’re very independent creatures, but can also be very fun. they figured any pet would make him happy. they were wrong. suna hated her so much and would never interact with her. like to the point where he nicknamed her “bitch” and now she mainly answers to that instead of her name. but all that only worked against him, and the cat just kept getting more and more attached to him.

↬ suna now loves her so much, and she’s just as attached to him. like he would kill for her, honestly. it’s his cat >>> everyone else. he has an album on his phone dedicated to pictures and videos of only her, and her bed is in his room because she always ends up sleeping there anyways. he realized later on when he grew older that a cat was the perfect animal for him, and he’s not sure if it’s a parents thing and they really knew or they were just winging it and hoping for the best, but she’s his favorite ever and he would risk it all for her.

↬ his favorite sleeping position with her would be when he’s casually laying on his back scrolling through his phone and she comes and crawls along him to lay on his chest. the warmth he feels within his chest like he just gets so giddy.

↬ suna is crazy obsessed with serial killer documentaries, horror movies, unsolved mysteries, everything like that. his favorite pastime is watching and reading these things, but honestly, it’s not even a like, “wow that’s so cool,” and more of a, “suna what is wrong with you???” type of thing, because he’s the type to have like insidious 2 in the background as he does his homework or gets ready or something. it’s kind of scary how unfazed he is with things like that.

↬ but! yeah he’s extremely brave when it comes to horror movies, borderline unhinged, but his biggest fear? his phobia, if you will? spiders. insects in general, really. he will scream like a sixth grader that’s yet to hit puberty if he sees a spider crawling near him. once he was peeing in the miya twins’ bathroom and some kind of cockroach crawling on the wall and nearly fainted. thank god he was already peeing because he would’ve pissed his pants either way. it’s so embarrassing for him, so he’s so good at hiding it. he just freezes impossibly when he notices an insect and doesn’t take his eye off of it until someone else notices it and kills it. there was this instance when they were at a training camp and he kept feeling as if something was crawling on him, but assumed it was just really hot and his skin was tingling from that. something was crawling on him, though, and it was not just really hot. Top 10 Most Traumatic Moments of his life, especially because atsumu’s first instinct was to record the whole thing.

↬ suna is extremely, and i mean extremely, touch-starved. physical touch has always made him uncomfortable for a reason unknown to him, so he never really accepted hugs or kisses from his family, and would feel so icky if he was roped into a group hug b by his teammates. so when he met you, he thought you’d be so against the fact that he’s uncomfortable with it, because who would want a partner that doesn’t wanna touch or be touched? turns out he actually craves it, and needs it badly, he just needed to take his own time and pace approaching it, and with how understanding you were, he doubted he could ever figure this out without you. he just took it slow, you know? but the more he touched you — held your hand, pinched your cheek, rested his head on your shoulder, pecked your lips for a few seconds longer than last time — the more he wanted you.

↬ when suna became comfortable with the thought and idea that yeah, he actually craves physical touch so damn bad, he wouldn’t stop touching you every second he could. he became insanely clingy, no matter if you were in public or alone. just always has a hand on you at all times. when he’s alone with you, he’s always trying to cuddle with you. you wanna sit and chill on your phone and not really talk? sure, just come do it with your head on his chest. you wanna watch a movie and munch on some popcorn and possibly share a drink? of course he’d love to! just come sit between his legs with your popcorn on your lap so he can steal some and also offer you some sips from the drink. you don’t wanna hug him after a game cause he’s too sweaty? that’s too bad, he wasn’t asking for permission. so you see, suna is a clingy mf. like latches onto you like a koala clingy <3

↬ suna’s music taste is very diverse. his favorite genre is alternative and rock, like the neighborhood, arctic monkeys, etc, but he also loves, loves loves glitchcore music, but also will un-ironically listen to kpop, and rap, and hannah montana’s old music too because why not. he just doesn’t care. if a song is good, it’s good. so what if it caters to a bunch of 12 year olds and not him? who decides that anyways?

↬ suna is very good at hair. like so good. as his sister started to get older, and her hair grew longer, she would sometimes ask him to do it for her before school. at first he was terrible at it, except maybe ponytails cause his hair was long enough at some point to push back into a ponytail, but everything else like parting her hair for pigtails or doing braids or a bun… he was just awful. so, in response, he’d just practice. he’d watch videos as he’s doing his little sister’s hair and be so focused, with his tongue sticking out a little and his eyes squinting as he tries to get it accurate. eventually, he becomes a master at it! you find this out when one day, as you’re just over at his house, his sister comes into his room with a hair tie and a brush and he just carries her up onto his lap and braids her hair as he chats with you and it was so endearing and so impressive and you genuinely believe that was the moment you realized you were in love with him.

↬ he offers to do your hair for you all the time now!! especially if you’ve just showered and are too lazy to brush it and tie it in some way, so he does it for you. he’s actually so, very gentle when brushing your hair, you don’t even feel a thing. if anything, it makes you really sleepy.

↬ when he joined the national team and started to become more and more of a public figure, he’d send you really explicit fan art of him and other teammates he was shipped with just to piss you off. if he was feeling really bold, he’d send you smut written about him. he says he wants to make you jealous. he just wants to provoke you in every way possible, really. one time someone made an edit plot twisting you and him to him and like atsumu so he downloaded video star and made such a bad edit of you and him and posted it on his twitter and instagram and it went viral. like it was one of those edits of just pictures flipping and hearts flashing and lights spasming all over the screen it was so bad it made you cry with laughter. that was his way of telling the world, no one but this person for me, right here <3

↬ i think he’d be very good at doing chores and cleaning and all that, despite how lazy he is. i just think it’s a habit kind of thing, where he grew up doing laundry and making his bed and cleaning his room and washing the dishes that he genuinely doesn’t mind doing it cause it’s natural for him. and he’s learnt to enjoy it.

↬ suna’s favorite color was deep, deep purple at some point, but now it’s between green and black.

↬ he’s caught up with all seasons of keeping up with the kardashians. please don’t ask him why, he doesn’t even know.

↬ once when you were out with him you just gave him a rock that was on the floor and he’s kept that rock with him ever since. like it’s in the drawer next to his bed and sometimes he just takes it out and holds it in his hand while he’s doing homework or scrolling through his phone.

↬ he spams you a lot. like at any time time of the day he just sends you a million videos of him doing the most mundane things; he sends you a video of him eating some almonds and at the end it’s just him going, “i’s good,” or him lip-syncing a song you sent him to listen to, or him trying to do eyeliner because why not. or maybe it’s pictures of him and it’s always ridiculous: him exaggerating him thinking, and then captioning it “thinking,” or just a picture of him on the roof with a peace sign and a pretty smile, or a close up photo of his face saying, “miss u.”

↬ he also spams you with memes all the time. and there’s no set type, it’s just all kinds. really corny memes and really cursed memes, wholesome memes and also memes that bully you. it’s all about the versatility.

↬ suna loves to sleep, he really does, but before meeting you, the only place where he could properly fall into a deep sleep was his bed. after meeting you, anywhere where you were next to him was the perfect place to sleep. if he had your presence near him he could sleep, it didn’t matter, especially if he was resting on your lap or shoulder or gripping onto your hand or resting his legs on your lap. he just wants you close to him, you know? like he feels so safe and comfortable when you’re around, it kind of scares him if he’s honest.

[gates-keeper]

Part 1: “Words of Affirmation” Destiel Quotes & Parallels

I’m sure someone’s done this before me and done it better, but I’m compiling a huge Destiel evidence docket for no reason. Anyone got any quotes to add?

Comments From Outside Characters

To Dean

Uriel: “He has this weakness. He likes you.” (4x10)

Balthazar: “You have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you.” (6x17)

Hester: “The first time Castiel laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost.” (7x21)

Meg: “He was your boyfriend first.” (7x23)

Charlie: “What about Castiel? He seems helpful. And dreamy.” (8x20)

Marie: “Although we do explore the nature of Destiel in Act 2.” (10x5)

Sam: “Shouldn’t it be Deastiel?” He then goes on to tease Dean with “Sastiel” which Dean takes negatively. (10x5)

Dean: “This Cas is looking at me weird.” Sam: “So like the real Cas then.” (15x14) 

To Castiel

Hannah: “We gave you our trust. Don’t lose it over one man.” (9x22)

Metatron: “His true weakness is revealed. He’s in love…with humanity.” (9x22)

Metatron: “Oh, that’s right. To save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but, ultimately, it was about saving one human, right?” (9x23)

Ishim: “I’m going to cure you of your human weakness [i.e. Dean]” (12x10)

The Empty: “I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love…There is nothing for you back there.” (13x4)

Demon: “I thought you were joined at the… (looks down) everything.” (14x01)

There are also several instances where other characters try to poke at insecurities regarding their relationship.

Naomi: “You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty. I only wish he felt the same way.” (8x19)

Casifer: “There comes a time when every relationship has run its course.” (11x18)

Michael!Dean: “You only tolerate the angel because you think you owe him, because he ‘gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.’ Or whatever.” (14x10)

Comments From Dean

To Cas

“There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. And two, you are not going to die a virgin.” (5x03) 

“So what? I’m Thelma and you’re Louise and we’re just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together?” (5x03)

“You know what? Blow me, Cas.” (5x18)

“Cas, not for nothing, but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.” (5x18)

“Look, I don’t need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I’ve failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don’t need it!” (8x07)

“We need you. I need you.” 

For more on this quote see the “We vs. I” section.

To Other Characters

Bobby: “I think maybe it’s time you made a call.” Dean: “Why does it always gotta be me that makes the call, huh? It’s not like Cas lives in my ass. The dude’s busy.” (Cas appears) Dean: “Get out of my ass.” Cas: “I was never in your… (head tilt)” (6x19)

“On my car…. He showed up naked… covered in bees.” (7x23)

While Cas suffered from some mental issues at the time, it seems somewhat significant that he sought Dean out under the circumstances, not Sam, etc.

“There’s things… people… feelings that I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time.” (10x16)

“My shy but devastatingly handsome friend here” (12x12)

“He came into my room and he played me.” (12x19)

“Let’s see. Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cas is—Mom’s gone.” (13x01)

Dean’s inability to list Cas’s death singles him out as the most devastating of the losses.

“We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back.” (13x01)

While some people have heard this as “bring ‘em back”, the Netflix captions and transcripts I have been able to find say “him.”

“And Cas bought it. And you know what it got him? It got him dead! Now you may be able to forget about that, but I can't!” (13x03)

“I have a family.” (In response to John Winchester lamenting Dean doesn’t have a wife and kids) (14x13)

Comments From Cas

To Dean

“I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt.” (4x16)

“I’m hunted. I rebelled. And I did it—all of it—for you.” (5x02)

“I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me.” (5x18)

“I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call.” (6x21)

“So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord.” (6x22)

Before taking on the role of God, Cas seemed very concerned with Dean’s forgiveness/acceptance/love. It is interesting that, as God, that was the first thing he asked for, turning from Sam (who had just stabbed him) to Dean to ask for love.

“Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. Everyone except me.” (10x22)

“I love you. I love all of you.” (Arguably to the group, but the first “I love you” can be seen as Dean-specific, especially since it cuts to Dean after being said.) (12x12)

“You mean too much to me. To everything.” (12x9) (To Mary, Sam, and Dean. However, the camera immediately cuts to Dean specifically, even though he is in the back of the group).

“I’m your Huckleberry.” (13x06)

Cas love confession (15x18)

To Other Characters

“Dean and I do share a more profound bond.” (6x03)

“I won’t hurt Dean.” (8x17)

This is said as Castiel is breaking away from Naomi’s mind control—mind control she fostered specifically by having Cas kill a thousand versions of Dean. This implies she knows that Cas’s strongest loyalty is to Dean, not Sam, or humans in general.

“The point is that they [Dean & Sam] were here at all and you got to know them, you -- When they're gone, it will hurt, but that hurt will remind you of how much you loved them.” (14x14)

“You know, Dean, he... he feels things more acutely than any human I've ever known.” (15x13)

Other Comments

Reaper: “How do I start looking for this... Castiel?” Bartholomew: “I got one word for you. Winchester.”

Rowena: “An Angel of the Lord, shattered at the altar of Winchester.”

Use of We vs. I

In the crypt scene in Season 8, Dean tells Cas, “We need you.” This is not enough to stop Cas’s actions. When the language switches to “I need you,” Cas drops the angel blade.

We can clearly see that Dean tries to put up barriers about how he really feels about Cas in his use of “We.” For example, after showing the audience many scenes of Dean, not Sam, frantically trying to call Cas, we get the following lines:

“So not only were you ditching us, but you were also ignoring us?”

“With everything that's going on, you can't just go dark like that. We didn't know what happened to you. We were worried. That's not okay.”

It’s clear that these “we’s” are really “I’s”

In the alternate future presented in 15x9, Sam asks Dean, “What’s happened to you Dean… ever since…?” to which Dean responds, “Ever since what? We lost pretty much everyone we’ve ever cared about? Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy and I had to bury him in a Malak box… ever since then?” While he acknowledges Sam’s losses as well, his switch to “I” in reference to Cas implies that Cas’s loss belongs especially to him.

(Mostly) Verbal Parallels to Other Couples

In 1x01 (start at 2:27), Dean pulls Sam away from a dead Jess in a direct parallel to how Sam pulls Dean away from Cas in 12x23

Following Jessica’s death, Sam keeps seeing glimpses of her as he and Dean travel around in the Impala. Dean does the same in Season 8 following his return from Purgatory without Cas.

David from “Bloodlines” (9x20) tells his love interest, “I was there. Where were you?” which is the same thing Dean says to Cas in “The Man Who Would Be King” (6x20)

When asking Dean whether he’s in love with Cassie, Dean gives a similar response to what he will say in 10x5 when asked about Destiel.

Destiel is paralleled with their counterparts from the Supernatural play who are “a couple in real life” (10x5)

Cain compares himself to Dean in Season 10. He describes the significant kills of his life (The Knights of Hell, his wife Collette, and his brother Abel) and tells Dean that he will follow his same pattern by killing the King of Hell Crowley, Castiel, then Sam. It is also mentioned that all Collette asked of Cain was “to stop,” which is the same language Cas uses with Dean in 10x22.

Dean explains how his parents fell in love to prove his identity to Mary in 12x1, “He was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed.” Later in this same season (12x19), Dean gives Cas a homemade mixtape of his favorite Zeppelin songs.

Ishim fell in love with a human named Lily Sunder who ultimately left him for someone else. When trying to recruit Castiel, he compares Dean to her.

Dean questions how much of their life has been controlled by God. Cas states, “You asked, ‘What about all of this is real?’ We are.” (15x02) Later, they find out that God has been using Eileen to spy on the Winchesters. She says, “After what happened, I don’t know what’s real anymore.” Sam kisses her, stating “I know that was real.” (15x09)

PART 2 “Physical Touch” Now Finished

[alfredolover119]

I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story. 

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that. 

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee 

-18k, teen, major character death 

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN. 

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham. 

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN 

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

[alienaiver]

Half the Battle, pt. 1

Kuroo Tetsurou x gn!reader

find part two here!

warnings: slight angst about childhood/parents fighting/divorce, one (1) bottle of wine is opened, someone is betrayed in Mario Party, NOT beta-read! apologize for any mistakes! (lmk if there’s any warnings i missed!)

wordcount: 5.5k

content: soulmate AU, mild angst, fluff, post-timeskip but slight canon divergence (i haven’t read the manga yet so this is loosely based off of their canon timeskip lives), gender neutral reader, reader is a video editor, reader is bad at eye contact but the details as to why are vague/up for interpretation!

notes: this was made for @gg9183 ​ ‘s wonderful birthday event, a soulmate collab! (go read the other wonderful works!) happy birthday once again, gray!! this was meant to be a 2k one shot but.... plans and inspiration changes sometimes, right? 🥺 so this ended up as a 5k part ONE lmfao i hope thats alright w u!!! part2 will be up asap, i promise!! i hope you enjoy this!!!! 

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Not meeting his soulmate was fine, Kuroo often found himself thinking. The odds of finding your soulmate’s way too low to be realistic anyways, he supported the thought. It’s illogical to spend so much time fretting about it, he finally added for good measure.

Soulmates were a natural part of life, always had been. But with the big wide world filled with over seven billion people, meeting yours wasn’t completely unheard of. But given the powers of soulmates even existing, it wasn’t unrealistic to also believe that some kind of fate would pull you towards each other throughout your lives so that you would meet each other. Kuroo however, prided himself in not caring about soulmates. His life was rich enough. People explaining their feelings about “something being missing until they finally meet them” was incomprehensible to him.

Kuroo had lived for 29 years without being able to see color. And you know what? His life was damn well fulfilling enough. He had a beautiful apartment, an economy that flourished, an adorable cat named Cucumber and good people around him. What would he really need a soulmate for? He could ignore his friends comments on how wonderful the world was in color, if only he would just start looking for his soulmate, how much meaning it gave life. Just because the people in his closest circle had all magically met theirs – not to mention how many of them had already met in Goddamn high school, Kuroo scoffed and was always able to move on.

Even though a lot of people actively made eye contact with everyone they met, even people on the street, to make sure they would meet their soulmate, Kuroo kept his eyes down. He wasn’t insecure, come on, he was perfectly happy! He just didn’t need to be late for a meeting because he got eye contact with some stranger, you know?

His life was in perfect balance as is.. Until yesterday, of course. It had turned out there was mold in his apartment complex so they had to evict it for a month while a crew would go through everything to remove it. He didn’t want to go to his mother’s place, that was too far from his work, but he wasn’t in the mood for a hotel, that was way too expensive, so he turned to his best friend of many years with the biggest set of puppy eyes he could muster and the prospect of making every dinner while he lived there.

“Fine… but don’t get in the way,” was all Kenma had to say.

And so Kuroo spent his last weekend in his own apartment packing things down to make it accessible to the cleaning crew. Cucumber hated other cats with a passion so he couldn’t bring him to Kenma’s, where three cats already happily lived, so his mother would pick him up tomorrow afternoon.

__

He sat on his couch, scrolling his phone mindlessly with Cucumber on his lap who had been stressed with all the packing down, sensing something was up. He was being extra cuddly towards Kuroo who, honestly? Didn’t mind at all. He loved when Cucumber was in mood for cuddles, though it wasn’t very often. He had been told his cat was orange and while he didn’t have a measure for what that color actually looked like, he was happy with his gray cat.

His mother was supposed to arrive any minute now, so he should have gotten up and put the cat in his carrier but it was easier to get him in it if you had two pair of hands. He scrolled through Instagram, reaching a photo put up by Tsukishima of his soulmate, the light-haired manager of their high school volleyball club, with a tooth-eating grin on her face and proudly showing off a ring on her finger, the caption said, This smile makes me wanna brag. Kuroo could physically hear the provocative tone of his voice, knowing he was one of the first in his circle of friends to actually plan a wedding. Kuroo clicked his tongue with a smile on his face and double-tapped to like the picture.

He didn’t know if it was the combination of that post and the fact that his mother was on her way but memories of his parent’s wedding flooded his mind. For a lot of people, weddings felt obsolete in the face of the whole “you already got your soulmate and you know this” thing, so a lot of couples were happy not getting married but just being together. But there was also the benefits of marriage in the practical sense, so some people did anyways, some hosting parties, some not. His parents weren’t married when he came to, but after he turned five they decided to do it so he would be protected by both of them, in case of any emergency.

It had been a small wedding, only the closest family and friends but Kuroo was vivid, so excited about being part of that whole romantic ordeal, even helping his mom find a dress and everything. He had been a huge and important part of the wedding – if he did say so himself. Everyone had been glowing at the day, the food was delicious, there was laughter, song and cheers and everyone had brought so many presents – even some for little Tetsurou, who had been very excited about his new train tracks.

But when Kuroo was seven years old, it wasn’t as romantic anymore. His parents were fighting a lot, he wasn’t entirely sure why or about what because they would never tell him about it, no matter how much he asked. When he tried to listen in, the words he heard didn’t explain anything to him because even though they were yelling at each other, the important words were always whispered, as if they knew Kuroo was listening in.

When he was eight his mom had come into his room, hugged him and with tears in her eyes and said that they were going to move away.

“Where are we going?” he asked simply, no emotion to be read on his little face. He was exhausted from his parents being this way – they were soulmates, right? Why did they fight like that?

“To Tokyo, just you and me, my love.”

That’s when he met Kenma. He had been very closed-off and shy back when they met, he reminisced. He had been a regular kid when he was younger but the way his parents split up – his soulmate parents – had closed him off pretty bad, so it was a miracle he met Kenma and started opening up again.

Kuroo smiled to himself bitterly before scratching Cucumber’s ear. He supposed this was also why he wasn’t interested in his soulmate. So many people had romanticized the whole soulmate ideal so a lot of people forgot that relationships still took work, took effort and just because they were made for each other, didn’t necessarily guarantee that they would stay together. His mom and dad didn’t officially talk anymore, but when he asked his mom as a child whether or not she still saw color, she said that she did. He also found long letters in her bedroom when he was nine, letters from his dad, so he supposed they still talked together, though Kuroo wasn’t let in on it – nor was he particularly interested. And he definitely we wasn’t interested in ending up in a relationship with someone who would end up not wanting to put in the effort for the relationship to flourish.

After Cucumber had been picked up by his mom it was time to leave for Kenma’s place. He carried the last boxes of valuables down to his basement and locked them in before trekking down to the subway with his suitcase and sports bag.

_____

You were late for work, so you scrambled to pack your things. It was Wednesday afternoon and you were supposed to meet in at 3PM, because that was around the time that Kodzuken had planned to finish his recording, he told you yesterday. You were a video editor and had met Kenma through your old part-time job in his favorite convenience store quite a few years back, back when he had first bought his house when he was 24. You remembered talking to him about video games in the store since you also played some, and after a good while of polite customer service and talk about new games, you had started hanging out outside of work as well. When you had then told him you were actually a freelance video editor but just didn’t get many jobs, he had almost instantly hired you to do his YouTube videos for him and general editing and set-ups of his streams. I know video games, not recording equipment, he had told you so many years ago.

Your original thought had been wary, because working for a friend might get messy but Kenma cared a lot about keeping it professional when you were on the clock, which you appreciated very much. In his house, down by his game room, there was a room next door with screens and all the best editing software just for you to play with. Your pay was higher than average for such a “simple” but regular gig but when prompted about it, he simply shrugged and told you it wasn’t up for negotiation and no one was being treated unfair – and who were you to go against such a good pay for a job that you loved doing and wanted to do full-time? With Kenma being a famous streamer and gamer, he often made lots of different videos for various sites so your job hours resembled a nine to five job, easy, even if the hours were off from the more conventional jobs and you usually came in later in the day and sometimes finished off late in the evening – some of his videos had a time limit for a release date of a game, so there was also days where you were extremely busy and scrambling to get the video done right for a release of a game.

As you closed your bag and ran out the door towards the subway, you checked your phone for any updates. If he’d finished early, he would’ve texted you about it, so you put your phone in your pocket and hurried towards his house.

When you arrived you immediately rang the doorbell before catching your breath, you were used to Kenma spending a few minutes before reaching the door and opening it, so when the door opened almost instantly you took a step back before looking up. The one opening the door was taller than Kenma and in a loose dress shirt that was unbuttoned at the top - that’s all you saw before your eyes darted down to your feet.

“...Hi! I’m uh… Where’s Kenma?” was all you got out while fidgeting with your purse strap, it certainly wasn’t his boyfriend Hinata opening the door today.

“Oh, hey! You must be his video editor, right? He told me about you!” The man said, pointing to himself with his thumb,

“I’m Kuroo Tetsurou! Kenma’s childhood friend! Sorry to intrude, I’ll be living here for the next month, I promise not to get in your way!” As he finished his introduction, he moved aside so that you could enter. As you took off your shoes you heard Kenma’s feet shuffling towards you, “oh hey, welcome, you’re early,” Kenma said with his usual deadpan expression but you could clearly hear the teasing in his voice.

“At least I’m here now, right?” You smiled back, instantly relaxing at the sight of your boss and friend. You turned to Kuroo again, bowed and introduced yourself before taking off your coat and putting it on a hanger, while Kenma and the guy named Kuroo seemed to bicker a bit about whether or not Kuroo should answer the door while he lived there.

“I’ll go set it up, have you transferred the video files to the hard disk?” you asked Kenma as you moved towards ‘your’ office, sending Kuroo a polite smile while keeping your eyes on his neck.

Eye contact was hard for you, it always made you extremely uncomfortable and you didn’t really have any before you felt comfortable with the person. Your mother had often scolded you, saying you’d never find your soulmate at this rate, which you always acknowledged with a hum or a simple yes without starting a discussion.

You honestly weren’t sure whether or not you cared for a soulmate. Your biggest argument to wanting to find one was so that you could see colors, because it’d help your career. Kenma already had his soulmate, so he was the one deciding the color scheme for his videos and helped with the color-related editing, which worked fine as of now, but you would probably appreciate to be able to do it yourself. You had also spent some years coming to terms with your struggles with eye contact and accept that this was just how you functioned. If you missed your soulmate in a random supermarket thanks to it one day, well, you’d be none the wiser, so you felt sure you’d survive without one, but you also couldn’t deny that the sound of a soulmate sounded really nice and comforting. That someone out there existed to fit you, that you were born to love someone who was also meant to love you. You were sure that finding your soulmate wasn’t a dance on roses, it was sure to still be hard, frustrating and maybe even painful sometimes, but you also couldn’t just have all the good, there was a balance that was sure to exist within soulmates as well.

After hours of going through the raw footage from his video game play and slowly editing while watching it, you popped your shoulders and stretched your arms for a moment, yawning as you did so. Your hours were always a bit intense, but that couldn’t be helped when you had six hours of raw footage to work with. Looking at the clock you saw that it was 5.30PM which meant that soon Kenma would wake up from his pseudo-sleep (which was more like a nap in your opinion) to look at your process and ask what you wanted for dinner.

Soon after a soft knock was heard followed by the door opening slowly, Kenma standing in sweats and a hoodie with bags under his eyes, “do you like hotpot?” he asked, and you smiled at him, “sure, are you cooking tonight?” he yawned while he shook his head, “Kuroo is. He insists on a ‘fulfilling meal’, whatever that means.”

You giggled before beckoning Kenma in to see some of what you’ve done so far and making minor adjustments along the way. “Now, something smells delicious and I’m thirsty,” you stated after the two of you had talked a bit about the rest of the video’s plans. As you went towards the kitchen you could hear the sound of of a nameless tune being hummed, pans sizzling from something being cooked and kitchen utensils being used.

Inside, the table was already set with plates and prepared ingredients lying ready for the pot that Kuroo was just about to put on the table. It seemed he had made an endless supply of different side dishes and really put in a lot of work for it, so you looked really forward to eating it and it smelled delicious. You grabbed a glass from the set table and went to the sink to get some water and just as your hand reached it, Kuroo had extended his hand as well to the sink and you accidentally touched.

You both recoiled as if you had been burned and you couldn’t stop the gasp that accidentally left your lips. A feeling was rushing through your body you hadn’t experienced before and you immediately apologized to Kuroo and went back to the table, foregoing the water. You didn’t notice how Kuroo was frozen in place from when he touched you before Kenma called out to him and he immediately started moving again.

You ended up eating shortly after, Kuroo serving the food and talking animatedly about him and Kenma’s childhood, making you laugh quite a bit at their (or more, Kuroo’s) antics and their volleyball days. Kuroo was the type of person to make you relax in his presence and have fun which you didn’t even notice until you got home later that evening and really thought about what a great time you had had. You found yourself surprised by how easily you clicked with Kuroo, a total stranger. It must be his charm, you thought to yourself before going through your night routine. You had to come back tomorrow and finish work, after all. You estimated the video would take you a few more days to finish but that would end up fitting well with the weekend coming, so as you went to bed you felt yourself more relaxed than you had in a while.

_____

“What are they like?”

It was Friday and it seemed you had finished Kenma’s video and therefor you weren’t here for dinner – for the first time in a few days, which did let down Kuroo just a tiny bit. He had talked a lot with you during dinner preparations when you came out from the office and during dinner as well and while you did answer all his questions (which, he admitted, there were quite a few of them) and follow up with your own for him, it still felt… off… talking to you – and Kuroo didn’t like not knowing why. “What do you mean?” Kenma asked, taking another bite into his mouth.

Kenma swallowed a piece of meat before looking up at Kuroo who was stabbing his plate with his fork in what seemed like a useless purpose. He knew he was being a little weird but meeting you was weird, even though he had no reason to explain why.

“I mean, is this how they usually act?” He didn’t even know what that question meant or why he was even asking it, nothing made sense! But he had a desperate feeling that he needed to get to know you – he was afraid of what that implied and what suspicions he needed to hold onto, but he was sure it was his gut telling him you were dangerous for Kenma to be around – that had to be it! Kenma was his best friend, his childhood friend, it had to be a gut feeling meant to protect him!

“Who knows, they’re being more polite than usual, I think. But that makes sense,” Kenma replied calmly before adding, “I mean you are a stranger who’s really intent on being social with them over our dinners, they were a bit shy as well when I met them,”

Kuroo nodded and finally took a bite of his own food. He didn’t notice Kenma’s raised eyebrows or the questioning look that was sent his way, so Kenma decided to let the subject rest.

Not seeing you today felt weird to him too and he couldn’t help the irritation building up inside him – you had just met a few days ago and only in the evenings when he was done with work and ready to make dinner – and yet, the thought of you kept invading his mind. He had gotten through work today thinking you were going to be there for dinner so when he came home and found out you wouldn’t be there, the first seed of irritation had been planted – why was he suddenly looking so much forward to seeing you? Had it been like this yesterday too? Why was it suddenly important that you weren’t there? He ended up sitting in front of the laptop in the guest room for the rest of the evening, the document left open and completely untouched.

Kuroo, however, didn’t let the subject rest in his head for the rest of that evening. Hinata was in town, having time off after a big game yesterday so Kuroo was left to his own devices – which really wasn’t a problem considering he had to make the paperwork for a promotional deal for a meeting Monday morning that he had procrastinated making – which wasn’t like him at all, he usually never pushed assignments to last minute and he then realized the reason he wasn’t done yet was because he had spent so much time over the dinner table with Kenma and you, talking even after dinner had been done for a while. You always offered to help him with the clean-up so you also spent some time talking there, drifting off to various subjects far passing the cleaning duties and sitting down again with a glass of water.

He enjoyed your company, it felt... easy, somehow, the sensation that something was off was there but it didn’t really settle in his stomach until every time after you left, as if it was left to grow a bit from a small sensation to a problem, which worried him – Kuroo prided himself as an impeccable people-reader, he was captain for both the volleyball team in high school and college, he knew how to act around business relations so well because he could read them so flawlessly – so the feelings he got from you was unsettling and unreadable and it took some control away from him – and Kuroo always felt uneasy when he wasn’t in control.

____

Kuroo heard your name and almost got whiplash from how fast his head moved towards Kenma, “what?”

“I asked if we should invite them? To game night? Being three is a little annoying in Mario Party.”

“Oooh, that’s a good idea! I’d love to see them again!” Hinata happily exclaimed before taking another bite of the lasagna Kuroo had prepared tonight. It was Saturday and Kuroo had been in a daze the entire day, first at the office for a quick meeting with his boss about a potential partner he might be able to reel in soon and then doing his laundry at Kenma’s and continuing to try and make the stupid paperwork but ultimately failing before he had to make dinner.

“Isn’t it a bit late to invite someone? I mean, they could have plans already...” Kuroo tried, knowing what a pain it could be to be asked to something an hour before it happened and he didn’t want to let you go through that – that’s what he tried to tell himself, at least. In truth? He was a bit afraid of seeing you again, afraid of his potential reactions, since he had spent his entire Friday in a stupor just thinking about you. His thoughts didn’t mean much for Kenma and Hinata though, who was already texting you to ask.  “Oi, no phones at the table, have you parents taught you no manners?” Kuroo chided and Hinata immediately shrank back and apologized – Kuroo smirked, yea the Chibi-chan still had respect for his seniors. But he was quickly pulled back to thoughts about you by Kenma’s phone lighting up again, “they’ll be here in an hour. They’re asking if they should bring anything?” Kenma looked up to gauge Kuroo’s reaction, having noticed something about his friend had been off the past few days. He immediately made a funny grimace before turning it into a smile. “Yea, they can bring a bottle of white wine, if I have to beat you all at Mario Party, I would very much like to be a tiny bit buzzed,” Kuroo said, and Hinata looked at him with wide eyes, “you drink wine!? So grown up!” Hinata exclaimed, to which Kenma just muttered, “or just an old man…” Kuroo didn’t hear that though, too busy to fidget with his hands under the table, suddenly feeling nervous that you were showing up.

Hinata plopped down between Kuroo and you with a controller in hand, “I’m gonna beat you all in this Mario Kart!” to which you laughed loudly, “good luck since we’re playing Mario Party.”

“Huh? Is there a difference?” Hinata asked, making Kuroo belt out a loud laugh as well, holding his stomach, “you just told us you’d beat us but you don’t even know what we’re playing!” Kuroo couldn’t contain his laughter for a bit until he noticed how you were looking at him and instantly retracted his laugh, sitting up straight with a cough, and apologizing for being loud, which confused him to no end. He had never been self-conscious of his own laugh! He knew it could be obnoxious and loud, but he also liked it himself, and-

“That’s a really cute laugh.”

The comment earned you the stares of the century from the three other people in the room, with Kenma in genuine shock – he wouldn’t say he disliked Kuroo’s laugh, just that it was… special.

“Uhm… Uh. Thank you?” Kuroo could feel that his blush went all the way to his ears but he hoped that the light in the living room wasn’t bright enough to catch it. “Yeah uh! Sure! Mhm,” you awkwardly coughed a bit as well before reaching for your glass of wine.

You had brought a bottle of white wine for Kuroo on the promise that you’d get a glass too, saying he was your first friend who also liked wine. The word ‘friend’ had dumb-founded him and he’d just answered “you can have it all,” to which you had laughed and said it’s fine with half, you weirdo.

The game was about to begin but Kuroo was still sitting stuck on the fact that his laugh was cute – cute? Had anyone else found it cute before besides Bokuto and his mom? He wasn’t sure – he sure couldn’t pinpoint them right now anyways. He tried to shake it off and focus on the game, though quite a bit of time was spent explaining the rules to Hinata who apparently had thought they were just playing Mario Kart.

When you were 12 laps into it, it seemed that you were set to win with your four stars and 121 coins. Kenma was right behind you with three stars and Hinata and Kuroo had been left in the dust with zero stars. You had stolen Kuroo’s first (and only) star early in the game, so he was plotting his vengeance in quiet but was getting afraid that the game would end before he could do anything to you – but just as his hopes were at the smallest during the last round of the game, you were put in the same team as him in the last mini game.

Kuroo had a wide smirk when you cheered and said, “this’ll be easy then!” because no, it would not be easy for you. If he had to go down in order to take you down a notch, then so be it. He’d rather Kenma win than you did with stolen goods!

The last mini game was “Tow the Line” where two players were put in a sewing box shaped with nine dots as a grid and two players tied together with a string and the objective was to make the shape with the string as shown in the middle of screen. As soon as the whistle sounded, Kuroo lowered his hands and stopped using his controllers, all with a big grin on his lips.

“Kuroo, what the fuck! Get moving, we’ve started!” you yelled at him as Kenma and Hinata won the first round, signaling the next round began, Kuroo started whistling and looking away from the screen, to which you got up from your seat, “fine, I’ll just take your controller and do it myself!”

Kuroo put his arm with the controller behind him, “nah-ah-ah! You’re not winning this, fiend! That’s what you get for stealing my star!” He grinned up at you with his eyes closed as you stood with your hands on your hips, “come on man! I stole that star in the fourth round! Kenma stole a star from me as well!” you tried, “maybe he stole the one that was yours, who knows! Get over it so we can win!”

But as soon as you’d said that, the third round had just been won and you sighed and flopped down on your seat again, “not cool Kuroo, not cool. I’ll remember this!”

You both laughed as the game made ready to announce the winner, Kenma and Hinata entertained by your antics.

“You can’t avenge something that I avenged in the first place! I only did it because you did me wrong, you know!”

“You can’t use logic on me, it doesn’t apply!”

To no surprise, you won the entire game, even winning one of the two bonus stars given at the end of the game.

After the last sequence and a bow from you there was a quick break before you decided to play some Mario Kart for Hinata’s sake, since his argument was that he lost due it being Party instead. You played quite a few hours and after another toilet break you had switched places with Hinata so Kenma could cuddle up against him. You yawned, drinking the last of the wine in your glass and said, “I should head home, I have a friend coming over for lunch tomorrow.”

Hinata and Kenma both started to get up to say goodnight but you waved at them with a smile, “I can walk out myself, it’s fine!” But Kuroo had already gotten up from the couch as well, so you walked with him towards the hallway where you put on your shoes. There was a comfortable silence between the two of you, which Kuroo noted and scowled a bit - he might have only known you for less than a week but for some reason he felt like it had been a lot longer, like you were old friends – it felt strange, to be so close with a stranger. He didn’t know anything about you, really. He knew your name, your job and how you liked some of your vegetables and which meat was your favorite, he knew you also loved cats but didn’t have one (he couldn’t remember if he knew why) and he felt pretty sure he would recognize you in a crowded area – why it was so intense, he was unsure of, he hadn’t tried meeting someone this way before. It had also seemed like having this game night had made you considerably more relaxed in his presence, even joking around with him instead of being polite, which made Kuroo somewhat giddy, though it didn’t really make sense to him as to why.

“I hope you had fun,” Kuroo said awkwardly, as if he had been the host and scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah, I did! I’m sorry I stole your star, though,” you laughed, buttoning your jacket.

“Nah, no worries, as they say, all’s fair in love and war, right?”

You giggled and picked up your bag from the dresser while Kuroo opened up the door for you. As you exited, you turned around with a bright smile, “well, thanks for toni-”

Everything ended up a blur, too bright, too much, too noisy, too… colorful? Kuroo was still looking into your eyes as all that went through him, completely blindsided. As he took a proper look, he could see that you looked just as surprised as him, your eyes wide but still never leaving his either.

“Is… Is this? Are you? Is…” You asked after what felt like both days and milliseconds, I could stare at them so much longer, he thought to himself, the colors only making your face more clear to him. Had you really not had eye contact at all? Had you seen each other for several hours – more than a few times, without looking each other in the eyes at all? Kuroo was more baffled by this happening so late than the fact that it was happening.

He was about to say something, anything, when you promptly turned around, nervously yelling, “I-I uh, I gotta go! Goodbye!” as you hurried out of the driveway and down towards the subway.

“W-wait!” Kuroo belatedly and unhelpfully yelled out as you turned a corner, too late. You were gone. A hand was dragged down his face as a sigh left him, what the fuck had just happened? He obviously needed to talk to you about this, but he also needed to gather his thoughts about all of this, so he slowly closed the door and went back towards the living room, greeted by Hinata and Kenma who looked up at him curiously, “why did you yell?” Hinata asked with his head tilted.

“I think I just found my soulmate.”

[atalho-s]

Sweet Sugar

4 | Crosses

pairing: tom holland x reader

warnings: swear words, underage drinking (not much tho, nothing descritive and nothing like “Skins” lmao), suggestive scenes in some chapters, not smut!! but minors be aware. Fluff/angst/drama/ Y/n and Tom being stupid teenagers with feelings.

words: 2.5 k

a/n: english it’s not my first language, Sorry for any mistakes! If you want to be tag on the next chapters, please let me know

Summary: Y/n, Harrison and Tom has always been best friends. Since childhood they’ve always been close, but what happens if after a break up with her first boyfriend, she starts to feel something more about Tom

PART 4! If you want to read the other parts click here

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I woke up the other day feeling a little better, which was good. I washed my face thoroughly, put on a pair of jeans, a Beatles T-shirt along with a jacket and left my room, ready for another week of torture.

- Good morning mom... - I was saying going down the stairs, but I remembered that she had already left for work. Which was good, because that way I didn't have to talk about the party.

I had my coffee, in the silenc  and soon after opened my phone, until I got on Instagram and saw that Tom had posted pictures of the party. The caption said: Thank you all! you guys are awesome! The photos from the party were great 😂

I was scrolling the photos, the first ones were all of us at the table, some were blurry of the people dancing... until I saw one of him with other people from school: Meghan was hugged him from the side making the peace sign with her fingers and he was kissing the top of her head. I sighed feeling my eyes fill with tears again. Okay, maybe I wasn't as ok as I thought.

I blocked my phone and put it in my pocket, taking my backpack and leaving the house, otherwise I would going to be late. I had to focus on school, not crying for silly things, I had to pay attention in my tests, that was more important than anything.

I went down the street and found Haz already waiting for me in the same place, I approached him and when he looked at my face, he made a pitying one.

- You saw the photos didn't you? - he asked and I nodded as he hugged me.

- It's alright Haz, I'll be fine- I said releasing him after a few seconds and he looked at me raising an eyebrow doubtingly - It's no big deal! By the way, I won't talk about it anymore, if we don't go now, we'll be late for school. - I said pulling him and we started walking.

- Okay... But just to close this subject, Tom sent me a message yesterday asking if you were okay and if there was anything wrong because you left early without saying goodbye.

- Hmm, and you didn't say anything right?

- Of course not! I just said that you weren't very used to drinking and that was all, and he believed... - Haz said and I breathed a sigh of relief.

- Good... He also texted me yesterday, he even wanted me to go to his house to tell me about Meghan.

- Well, whether way, he still thinks he's your best friend, nothing more than that...- Haz said, and I hated that he was right.

- It's true, and he's just my best friend, nothing more... - I emphasized the JUST- Did he tell you anything else about Meghan? - I asked and when Haz was going to answer I cut him - Never mind, It’s better if i don’t know. - I said waving my hand in the air.

- If you want it that way... - he replied. - Oh god you two have the same class today right? - he asked and I put my hand in my forehead. I had forgotten that I had English today for the first two classes and Tom would be sitting right next to me.

- I had even forgotten about that. But you know what? I'm going to stay there like a champ and ignore everything. - I said determined and Haz laughed feeling a little sad for me.

- Okay, I support that, but...- he was talking and I cut him again saying: shhh.

- No buts, and now enough of this subject, because we're already arriving. - I said and he rolled his eyes in agreement.

We arrived at the corner and Tom was already waiting for us as usual. He wore a blue sweatshirt and a backwards cap, black jeans and white sneakers. Obviously he was gorgeous as usual, which was ridiculous, but no sign of Meghan, which was good for now...

I tightened my grip on Haz's arm that I was hooked on and he smiled encouragingly. We got closer and Tom looked up from his phone, hanging up and putting it in his pocket.

- Hey strangers! - He said putting the backpack on his back, shaking hands with Haz and me with the usual kiss on the forehead. I lowered my eyes, smelling his scent and smirked. - You better y/n?

- I am, staying in bed all day yesterday did me good. - I said as we headed towards the stairs.

- That's good! And even better that now you have two classes with me- he said winking and Haz looked at me apprehensively.

- HA-HA, very funny. Too bad I'll have to pay attention in class and I won't be able to talk to you. - I said shrugging and Tom looked at me with an ironic face.

- Wow shortie, I felt rejected now. - He said pouting and I rolled my eyes. Of rejection I knew well.

- Well, I have to go because I have a presentation about geography, so, see you guys later? - Haz said when we arrived in the hallway, waving and looking at me discreetly as if he was saying: good luck.

- Let's go, grumpy face? - Tom said pointed for me to go ahead. I rolled my eyes looking at him, which he laughed and we went to the class.

I sat a little further back in my usual seat and Tom sat behind me. I was feeling claustrophobic, but it was only two classes, I could survive this. But when Mr. Ribbs came into the room and started talking, I lost all courage i had.

- Good morning students! Today the two classes will be more dynamic. As I know you had a difficult week, with so many papers and tests, I decided to leave these classes for you to go to the library and pick up any book to read and then give me a summary about it. - he was talking and I was excited, because I loved reading and I could still get my book and be quiet without having to talk to Tom, right? - But... I want you to do this in pairs. - wrong - Happy reading! - He said and everyone stood up forming their pairs and leaving the room one by one.

I felt someone nudge my shoulder and tooking a deep breath I turned around, seeing a smiling Tom.

- Good, reading... At least you like to read, because I with my dyslexia... - he laughed.

- Yeah good... it fit like a glove... Shall we go? - I said and we got up going towards the library. If Tom thought my way of talking was a little dry, he didn't react, which was good.

We arrived at the library and I was looking among the shelves for something easy and good for us to read.

- Y/n, darling... I have to tell you about yesterday - Tom started talking excitedly as he followed me through the halls. - After you and Haz left, a lot things happened...

- Hmm, I'm glad you had fun Tom. - I said a little disinterested picking up some books and looking at the synopsis.

- Yea! I had a lot of fun, but what happened was...

- Hey, how about we read Pride and Prejudice? It's one of my favorites, I think it's a good one, because we just need to read the main parts to refresh our memory. - I said, interrupting him.

-Yeah... Sure, I think it's a good one. - he said as I grabbed Jane Austen's book off the shelf and headed toward one of the tables.

- Shortie, how about if we read this outside? I think it's better than staying here, besides, we can talk better. - Tom said and I stopped turning around. Damn it, I was counting on staying there in the library anyway, so he wouldn't be able to say anything about the night before, because they were going to tell him to be quiet.

- Okay, good idea... - I said, giving up on to try to inventing another excuse.

We left the library and headed towards some tables outside. They were empty, except for a couple of couples scattered around the yard who had the same idea. I sat down and Tom sat next to me putting the book on the table and pulling out his notebook so we could write something down.

- So, as I was saying... We were on the dance floor, right, and Meghan and I were talking about the theater and other things, until... Guess what? - He started talking and I raised my eyebrow, while trying to distract myself with the book. - She said she thought I was cute and that I had a cute, sexy look. - He continued and I laughed ironically.

- So far so good, right... Until she just kissed me in the middle of the dance floor! - He said as if it were the most extraordinary thing in the world. Yeah, I thought with myself, I was there and saw everything, that's why I'm feeling bad and I can't even look at your face right now... I wanted to say it, but I just looked at him pretending to be interested.

- And mate, it was the best kiss of my life! We stayed together practically all night... Damn, I've dreamed about this so much since childhood...

- Good Tom, it must have been a really good birthday gift, right? - I said, looking at the book again.

- Yea! It was perfect...- he said and I could feel him staring at me. - Hey, you don't seem very excited about my little conquest... - he nudged me pouting and I looked at him.

- Nah, it's just that you guys are always hooking up lately, so I'm just not surprised...- I replied shrugging.

- Y/n Meghan is not just a hook up, she is an old passion, she is special - he said and I felt my heart ache a little while looking away. - You dont like her?

- It's not that I don't like her... I don't even know her, I just... I think she did it after you started getting more popular with the theater, because before that she didn't even look at you...

- That's not true, besides, people can change right? Maybe she realized that I'm not as bad as she thought before... I don't know... But as you said, you don't even know her, so I didn't understand you being mad like that. -he said scribbling in his notebook.

- It's not that I'm mad, I just... I didn't wake up very well today, that's all... 

- Yeah... But you don't need to project that to others around you, I thought you'd be happy for me.- Tom said and I looked at him ironically.

- Yeah, but there are days when we're not okay Thomas and not in the mood to be throwing confetti at every girl your friend kiss at some party. - I said and regretted it right away, it wasn't fair to him.

Tom looked at me in surprise, as I had never talk with him like that. Even as kids we didn't fight, why was I being such a bitch now? He took his things in silence and walked away leaving me with tears in my eyes.

I shook my head trying to get rid of what had just happened. I picked up the book and tried to read it, but I couldn't even get past the first line. Damn, why did I have to have those feelings? It wasn't fair.

I thought about going after Tom and apologizing, but I don't think he wanted to see me right now. A few minutes passed and the class was almost finishing when I felt someone nudge my shoulder. I turned in hopes of seeing Tom, but was surprised to see Steven standing up in front of me.

- Are you okay? I heard you fighting with Tom earlier, I never saw you guys fight like that, so I was worried. - he asked.

- I'm fine Stev, it was just a silly disagreement, nothing to worry about. Are you okay? - I asked trying to change the subject.

- Yeah, just studying a lot, you know, I have to go to business school. - he said and I agreed. Steven always wanted to work at his father's company, but for that he had to go to business school in Japan, because there was one of the company's units there and that's where his father wanted him to live. A lot of his family was Japanese, so he had an advantage with the language and culture. But that was one of the reasons we broke up, after fighting a lot about who was going to live where. - And you still focused on journalism?

- Of course, forever and always. - I said and we laughed, hearing the bell saying the class are over.

- Well, I have to go, I have to meet Elle, good luck with your essay. - He said pointing to the book.

- For you too. - I said smiling and he left towards the building.

I got up to get my things, scanning the yard with my eyes, but there was no sign of Tom. I sighed and put my headphones on, heading towards our tree. As I was already out there I ended up arriving first, so I sat down and played the song Crosses by José González.

I waited a few minutes and saw Haz approaching and I took off my headphones as I watched him sit beside me.

- So..How everything went? Where is Tom?-  he asked looking around.

- A disaster... - I said, rubbing my hands over my face. - We ended up arguing, I said some things without thinking and he left without saying anything.

- Oh y/n... I don't even know what to say, but did you confess something to him? he asked and I widened my eyes.

- No! Are you crazy? I told him I didn't trust Meghan, but in a rude way... - I said and Haz took a deep breath hugging me sideways.

- Well, you can't control your feelings...

- But I can control my tongue. - I said and we laughed a little. - How was it with Gracie? Did you guys talked today? - I said changing the subject.

- I talked to her a lot by text during class, I even asked her if she wanted to spend some time with us now, but she said she had to hang with her friends...

- Hmm. - I said putting my hand on my chin losing myself in thoughts as I watched the patio to see if I could see Tom. And after a lot of looking I found him. And there he was sitting on one of the benches near the building with Meghan hugging him, she with his cap on her head and the two of them were laughing and talking excitedly to each other. Until he gave her a kiss and she reciprocated.

[hobbitsnapes]

the elf in the café chapter 9

The ending to A corpse husband story

(Photo credits goes to vallact)

Summary: Never in his life, did he think going to a cafe and meeting a Harry Potter nerd could change his life. (I’m shit at summaries

A/N: here it is everyone, the end. I’m so very thankful to each and everyone of you who red this story. It truly means a lot and I'm proud to call this work mine. Many more stories to come for our little faceless man.

H/N means his name, being that we don’t know what his actual name is currently

Time seemed to drag on his entire life, going by each day slowly, waiting, for either something great to happen, or the end. That was, until he met her, and subsequently fell in love with her. Never had he felt such happiness, love, and joy. Even with his fans, he hadn’t felt as amazing as when he was with her, the woman who changed his life. Time seemed to be a blur, a thing that he wished he had more of, to spend with her.

That’s what led him to now, a content and warm smile on his face, heart thumping wildly in his chest, as he pressed share.

If you had told 22 year old H/N that he’d do this, he would’ve looked at you like you were mad. Absolutely fucking bonkers.

But now a 27 year old H/N, was doing the very thing he was mortified of doing.

Not only was it a photo, but the photo. The one that he knew would no doubt cause a total meltdown on the internet.

There he was, a smile on his face as he held his new baby girl. Having just had her placed in his arms a few seconds prior to the photo. His pale tattooed arms wrapping around the small baby, a hand placed on her tiny head.

You could clearly see his face, only half of it showed to the camera. His head leaning down, a large, proud smile on his face as tears streamed from his eyes as he looks at his daughter.

Under the photo, layed a caption, one that he truly came up with on the spot. Pouring as much as his heart into it as he could.

‘I always was apprehensive about posting my face, always pushing it off and never felt it was the right time. I always said I would do it when I was not only happy with myself, but my life. Well, today is one of the best days of my life. I became a father to my beautiful daughter Evee. Her mother, is one of the strongest, most selfless, amazing women I’ve ever met. Seeing her bring our daughter into this world, with a smile on her face through it all, shows just how fucking truly amazing she is. I’ve never felt so proud in my life, than first being a husband and now a father. I love you all, and my girls.’

He had turned his phone off for a week, after posting, and sharing the link to Twitter with the caption ‘sorry for my inconsistent posting these last few months. Something incredibly small, but big came up, and changed my life. Oh and face reveal.’ He wanted to completely blank out everything from the outside world, and only focus on his girls. The two women who both changed his entire life, who made him the happiest man alive. Once a broken man, now full of love, and happiness because of them. He wanted nothing but to spend as much time as he could, basking in the joys of fatherhood, and loving the woman he so proudly calls his wife.

It’s as if his daughter knew to come exactly a week before the day, the day he cherished for the second year in a row. The day he married the love of his life.

To commemorate it, he turned his phone back on, letting all the notifications come pouring in, and again went to post.

While his last post was dedicated to not only revealing who he was, but his daughter, his wife was absent from the photo. As per her request, claiming to ‘looking horrible’ that day. He argued that she hadn’t looked as beautiful, since the day they said I do. But he kept to her wishes, keeping the photos and videos of the day between them.

But this post, was purely dedicated to the first love of his life. The woman, who had changed his entire life, who he had never shared to the world. Wanting to keep her existence to himself and the ones he kept close to him. The woman he swears is proof heaven exists and sent her to him, with wings on her back and a glow that shines greater than any light, or star.

The first photo, was what had been his background on everything, and framed and kept between them and his closest friends, and one of his favorite photos to have ever been taken.

It was their first kiss as husband and wife, a promise to love one another to eternity, to seal the pure love between them. The moment she became his wife, and her husband and lover.

The second, was one of the best videos he’s ever had. Nobody but them had seen it, not even his friends. Wanting to keep it between them, until now.

She had hid the phone out of sight, perfectly filming their couch where she sat him.

It was his birthday, a day he grew to love in the 4 years he’s spent with her. A day he once hated, now loved because of her. It reminded him that another year was spent by her side, a reminder that he was here for a reason, to meet and love her.

She handed him a box, just a plain wrapped box. It was rather small, not that he cared, having loved anything and everything she gave him, knowing it came from her heart.

He opened it, and with a gasp, a hand flew to his mouth as tears instantly came to his eyes. In a state of pure shock, and pure happiness and joy, he looked at the positive pregnancy test.

A laugh bubbles out of her as tears fell from her eyes at the look of pure joy written on her husbands face, before being pulled into his arms, tears streaming down both of their faces as they clutch one another, pure love and joy between them as they embrace one another.

The next photo, was one he had not only framed but a small copy in his wallet, but in his car, and filming room.

She hardly showed the entirety of the pregnancy, that was until she hit 8 months. Only a month to two until their little girl came into the world.

Both of her hands held the side of her now large belly, her shirt pulled up revealing her bump. Her head leaning down with a smile on her face, looking lovingly at his hand that was placed in the middle of her stomach. He remembers the feeling of their daughter kicking his hand softly, laughter bubbling out of him at his daughter's excitement at feeling her fathers touch. Even without being in the world yet, they had a connection from the moment she was created.

The next was again a video, one that made both laugh when they would watch.

She was filming it, laying on her back. She was heavily pregnant now, due in only a week from the day.

He laid on her legs, leaning down with both hands on the sides of her stomach. He moved his face down to her stomach, mumbling a ready to her which she said go to. He blew a raspberry into her stomach, a gasp that followed with laughter as their daughter jumped visibly inside her. You could clearly see the moment through her skin, making both laugh.

He did it a few more times,finally stopping due to feeling bad, kissing her stomach while whispering “I’m sorry baby, daddy won’t scare you anymore.”

The next photo, was exactly a year from the day. And one of his favorites.

It was their first wedding anniversary, a day they celebrated by going to the same park they first went to, under the very same cherry blossom tree.

They both dressed up, looking rather odd under the tree, with a small picnic and blanket. But neither cared, as they sat under the tree, embracing one another in the love they created, all those years ago.

It was a simple photo really. Just them kissing under the tree, smiles tugging at the corners of their mouths. Her left hand on his cheek, showing the stunning wedding and engagement ring he got for her. His left arm wrapping around her shoulders, revealing the black wedding band she got for him.

The next photo, was taken the present day, not a minute before he started piling these moments into a post. One that he loved dearly, a smile on his face as he looked at it.

It was truly a candid photo, one that wasn’t staged or planned, posed or anything. But truly magical to look at.

There she sat on the couch, hair a tangled mess and glasses perched on her nose. One hand writing notes down, with the other holding their daughter to her breast, a smile on her face as she fed her baby girl.

He had always been facilitated with watching her feed Evee, joking that it was just to stare at her enlarged breasts. But it was more than that, it was the sheer magic and aw that would take over him watching her body be able to do such a thing, how he truly thought she was magic, being able to feed their daughter with her body.

He put another one, one that they both smile at with warm hearts at the memory.

It was their very first photo, from only 4 years ago. It was from the fourth of July, layed on the blanket they brought to watch the fireworks. They both lay with smiles on their faces, looking at one another with an unspoken, but bubbling love that they look fondly back to.

He ended the series of pictures with one last video, one that he would cherish forever.

It was the night they came home from the hospital, a night that they will remember forever.

Both her and Evee lay on his naked chest, sound asleep on each side of his wide chest.

Her head rested on his right shoulder, a hand laying on her daughter's back.

Their daughter laid on his other side, her small face squished as it laid against his chest, the sound of his heartbeat lulling the baby to sleep.

He looked up to the phone, a tired smile on his face as he snapped it. Truly in the best place in the world. A place he thinks as his personal heaven.

He captioned the post as well, again choosing to come up with it on the spot, coming from his heart as a declaration of love to his little family.

‘It’s almost like my daughter knew to come into the world exactly a week before our 2 year anniversary. Like she knew that it would make perfect timing, to make my world whole. To fill my heart with even more love, that I didn’t know was possible, until I met my beautiful wife.

Y/N is more than just that though, she’s the strongest, most amazing, loving, beautiful, and truly badass woman I’ve ever met. She’s the most selfless, loving, and truly mind bending woman in the world, truly changing my life no more than 4 years ago today.

I met her at a cafe that’s a few blocks away from my old apartment, never imagining to meet someone there that day, who would turn my world upside down in the best way possible.

It didn’t take long to fall deeply in love with her, with how amazing she is, and the purest, most loving heart in the world.

She has a care like nobody else, a love to help others that stretches past the world, a love that she gave me, that chose me, to love her forever.

The first, was the moment I kissed my now wife, a kiss I’ll never forget

This video I’ve kept to myself and her this entire time, not wanting to show anyone, the moment she captured my reaction to finding out that, I was becoming a father. A moment that’s engraved into my mind and heart forever.

The next, is one of my favorites I’ve ever taken. She has always looked beautiful, every second of everyday. But she truly glowed, and was the most breathtaking when she was pregnant, a time I’ll miss, but love like it was yesterday.

The next video was just something she had watched on YouTube, an idea she told me we should try at 3 in the morning, after I came back in from a long night of streaming with my friends and you guys. It was truly not only the funniest fucking thing to watch, but do eye opening, the feeling of my daughter jumping inside her, is a feeling I swear I’m still able to feel.

The next, was exactly a year ago today. Our first anniversary as husband and wife. An entire year spent with being her husband. And her my wife. It was taken under the same tree she brought me to the day after we met, feeling a connection to her that I didn’t think was possible to feel.

The next, was taken just a few minutes ago. A true 180 from last year, but truly a beautiful moment, between a loving mother, who’s studying to become the greatest therapist there ever is, and her daughter. A moment I’m proud to be a part of and to help create.

The next, was the first photo we ever took together. It’s funny to look back on, to see the early signs of love in our eyes as we look at one another. Not knowing what’s to come.

And the last, was from the night we came home from the hospital. Evee was only 2 days old then, feeling like it was so long ago, but at the same time only yesterday. I hadn’t ever been so content, and happy, as holding my 2 girls in my arms.

Today’s less about me, and the shock of not only showing who I am, and being a father and married man. But rather a day to celebrate the wonderful woman I call my wife, and my beautiful daughter. Thank you everyone, for being by my side, and being here to watch my wolf change

-Corpse.

He smile as he logged into the stream, watching as views and the chat blows up as he hears all his friends voices.

All of them congratulate him, on not only the reveal of his face, but his newborn baby.

The entirety of the game is spent with everyone asking questions, showing great love and joy to him.

“So corpse, how’s it feel to have corpse daddy trending for a week now?” Asks Rae. Laughter bubbles out of him at this, his hand coming to his mouth. “It’s, honestly really funny. I never thought I’d see the day.”

Many asked how his daughter and wife were, and asking when they could meet them. He promised that one day they both would make an appearance in either a video or stream.

He played for only 2 hours, having to cut it short when the monitor goes off with the cries of his daughter. “Uh hey guys, I gotta get going, Evee needs her daddy. Alright, bye guys, thank you.”

He lays in the rocking chair he had built, rocking her back and forth as he fed her a bottle. He watched with tears in his eyes, a smile on his face at his little girl, wrapped in a pink fuzzy blanket. Her little hand held onto his pinky, squeezing the digit tightly as he held the small bottle.

He hummed quietly to her, a song she always fell fast asleep to.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you, please don’t take, my sunshine away.”

He ended the song with a soft kiss to her forehead, a smile on his face as he watched her sleep in his arms.

He looked up when he heard her, a smile on his face growing as his heart flutters in his chest.

She stood at the door, leaning against it. She only wore one of his shirts, the wine stain on it making him laugh. A tired, but happy smile graced her beautiful face as she looked at her little family.

She walked over to him, bending down and kissing his waiting lips. “I love you.” She whispers, hun repeating the words back before kissing her again.

They all lay in bed, having decided to bring their daughter to their room as they slept.

Both girls lay on his chest, as he looks down at both of them sound asleep. Never, has he felt so happy. And never, would he think that going to a small coffee shop, would lead to this. He knew the little Harry Potter fan he met all those years ago was different, truly loving the elf at the cafè he met all those years ago.

[vinceaddams]

obvs feel free to keep this private, but I got recommended the UFH channel by a friend of mine, haven't gotten around to watching anything from it. I trust your judgement on the content, but my friend considers it her main resource 🙃 of course, since you only watched a few videos you might not be able to answer this, but was there any specific really bad/unacademic approaches I should keep my eye out for that my friend might have adopted? we work on a historical festival together so im concern

(I was going to answer this privately but then it got really long and turned into a post I want to post.)

Oh dear! Well, It appears that the lady behind that channel only cares about the 20th century, so maaybe she’s got good stuff on the 20th century at least? I don’t know, but the 2 videos that I saw were so incredibly awful that I’m highly suspicious of all her stuff. 

The first bad thing about her channel is that her videos all have a one or two sentence caption and nothing else. (I clicked on a few more just to check) No sources listed, no links of any kind except to her merch store. I don’t recall her mentioning any particular sources for any of the things she said in the videos either, she just declared them very matter of factly. 

Good historians cite sources! Bernadette Banners’ video on the history of PPE has so many source links she ran out of room in the description box and had to put the rest of them on a page on her website.  (Oh poo, now I feel a bit bad because I love Karolina Zebrowska but she really needs to do better with leaving source links. But she does talk about doing research, talk in a more nuanced way, and doesn’t present herself as an expert or academic, unlike the UFH lady.)

Good historians also embrace nuance, and aren’t afraid to say “I don’t know” or “I was wrong”. Presenting things in a “this person did this one big thing, and then this happened, and that caused this” kind of way isn’t good because history is more like “all these things happened and as far as we can tell it appears to have influenced this, which was also connected to this other stuff that we don’t know all that much about”. History is foggy and complicated, no matter how much the general public wants it to be simple.

Her description of herself also seems a bit... misleading? In her about page on youtube it says “Amanda Hallay, a college professor specializing in fashion, costume, and cultural history.” but if you look at the CV linked on her website the only degrees she has are in creative writing and art history. I’m not saying a person can’t be really knowledgable about something without a degree, but her whole online presence is about being a “professor” who teaches this stuff so I find it weird.

And if the 1850′s-60s video is anything to go by, she presents things in a shockingly unprofessional way. She starts off by saying she thinks these fashions are ugly and ridiculous and that she has some “theories of her own” on them. @marzipanandminutiae has a post with a lot more about what was wrong with that video, and a few others I haven’t seen. She claims that hoop skirts were oppressive cages when in reality they were a liberating garment that allowed women to achieve full skirts without the heavy layered petticoats they wore previously. 

She posts a photo of a naked lady and says “Now lets start with a beautiful naked lady and cover her up with ugly and unflattering clothes. Now this sexy naked lady isn’t so sexy” I wish I was making this up but that’s almost word for word what she said. Along with a whole lot of untrue or exaggerated stuff about Victorian modesty. She says dresses with layered flounces were called “pagoda dresses”, which isn’t a term that anyone has ever used for those dresses. She says this is cut down from a longer video she uses for teaching class, and I find the thought of this being presented in a classroom quite appalling.

After spending about 95% of the video talking about womens fashion in an extremely condescending and disdainful tone of voice, she posts what appear to be the 5 biggest and most extreme examples of 19th century moustaches she could find, presenting them as if they were what every man looked like.

This part really grinds my gears, because she says “I haven’t said anything about menswear because there’s really not much to say.” She posts photos of suits from 5 different decades and says they’re basically all the same, and also basically the same as a modern suit. Excuse you, there is A LOT of difference between menswear of the 1850′s and the 1890′s. Yes the changes over the decades are more subtle, and the colours are often more subdued than in centuries past, but it is absolutely not (as she claims) “the century when men stopped doing fashion”.   I personally am not hugely interested in 19th century mens fashion, and can tentatively date things in the first few decades but after the middle of the century I can’t. But people who are interested and who study that era can tell the decades apart. Because they’re different. And there is SO MUCH to talk about! Suits for different levels of formality, accessories, waistcoats, sportswear, sleepwear, knitwear, swimsuits, loungewear, underwear, etc. are all extremely different from their modern equivalents. 

It’s perfectly fine to only study womens fashion if that’s what you’re interested in, but it is not okay to then declare that the history of mens fashion is worthless and nonexistent. Simply not being interested in a thing is no excuse for publicly shitting all over it. (I’ve seen people do this more than once. We already have so few men who do historical fashion stuff! Stop putting off newcomers who might be interested!!)

The fact that her online presence is so closed off is also highly unusual. Comments are turned off for her videos, and the only social media link she has is to a private facebook group. (There is also a link to a fb page, but it appears to have been deleted.) Turning off comments is of course the personal choice of the one posting the videos, but the fashion history side of youtube usually tends towards pretty decent comment threads, and people often have nice little discussions and learn stuff in them. Here it looks like she doesn’t want discussion, doesn’t want to be contradicted or asked for sources, doesn’t want to learn new things.

I had never even heard of this channel until I saw @marzipanandminutiae mention it, nor have I ever heard any of the many historical costumers/youtubers I follow mention it, yet somehow it has 55k followers? I don’t know the demographics that watch it (especially not with the comments turned off!) but I’d wager that videos like the 1850′s-60′s one I suffered through are mainly watched by people who like hearing things trash talked, rather than people who actually want to learn about fashion history. The same sort of people who loved that Beau Brummell twitter thread, which was also full of lies and unsourced garbage. People like to believe the past was way worse and grosser than it was because it makes them feel like we’re smarter and better now.

Lastly, the whole premise of the channel is just bad. Calling any one thing “The Ultimate Fashion History” is a bad idea. Her channel trailer says “Youtube’s number one channel for original fashion history content” “we’ve got it all, fifty thousand years of fashion history”. You can’t have one channel that’s the ultimate resource for ALL of fashion history! It’s a huge, HUGE subject, and even if she did do actual good research she’d barely be able to scratch the surface of fifty thousand years. That’s like saying one channel is the ultimate source for all of science, or all of music, or all of cooking. No one thing can come close to covering all of it. I will deign to admit that she’s at least right to call it “original”, because she has some very original lies I haven’t found anywhere else. 

Most people who study fashion history/historical sewing have one or several eras they like best and find most interesting, perhaps with occasional jaunts into other eras. This way we can focus and get a much better understanding of the eras that we find most interesting, rather than just a vague notion of everything. 

For example: I’m most interested in 18th century menswear, and so far have mainly researched and sewn 1785-95 stuff, and more recently some 1730′s. I usually focus on fashionable civilian clothing, so I don’t know as much about working class clothes, and next to nothing about military and other occupational dress. Even with this narrow area of interest, which I’ve been obsessed with for many years, I still have so much to learn! I could never make anything claiming to be the ultimate source for 18th century menswear, because I’m just one person focusing on some aspects, and there are other people out there who research other aspects of it and their work is just as important. It’s all so big and so much, even if you narrow it down to one era.

Amanda Hallay is basically holding up a bucket of saltwater and calling it the ocean.

I haven’t watched any of her 20th century videos, so maybe they’re better than the older ones I watched. I don’t know. (But even if they’re actually good they still don’t have source links.) Edit: okay, nope, turns out they’re just as bad! They appear to make up the vast majority of her videos, so if she’s most interested in the 20th century then maybe she should just... make her channel more clearly 20th century focused instead of trying to paint it as a channel for all eras?

TL;DR, the main bad things about that channel are:

Lying and making ridiculous claims, not citing ANY sources. Spouting easily debunked myths.

Stating things matter of factly without any nuance, even though history is foggy and complicated.

Being extremely judgemental about historical fashions and talking about how much she hates them and thinks they’re ugly, which really isn’t appropriate for a fashion history teacher. You can hear the disgust in her voice and it’s awful and I hate it.

Comments turned off on all her videos, leaving no way to communicate or have public discussions. Unknowing viewers are left to accept her statements as fact without any outside opinions.

Claiming one channel is the ultimate channel for an incalculably enormous subject. Says it covers 50,000 years of fashion history when it’s mostly just the 20th century.

I would like to add that I am not what I would consider an expert either, and have no formal education in fashion history beyond the one college class that was part of my 2 year sewing course. I have learned mainly from books and the internet, and as I said earlier I still have a huge amount to learn. I’m sure a more knowledgable historian could put things better than I have. 

But I’m confident in stating that primary sources are needed to back up a claim! Sometimes even widely accepted beliefs turn out to be entirely unfounded myths, like that one about doctors using vibrators to treat “hysteria”. Total nonsense someone made up in 1999.

Wow this post got way longer than intended. Anyways, yes, I do not like condescending slideshow lady.

[butgilinsky]

10 angst w mat

a/n; UPDATE MADDIE YOU CHANGED MY LIFE W THIS READ MORE THING ✋😩 anyways enjoy mwah ily

10. Today I drove through the suburbs and pictured I was driving home to you. - Olivia Rodrigo (driver’s license)

he remembered the laugh that tumbled past your lips when he told you to sit back down, that you were being unsafe.

“you’re only going like 10 mph, maty.” the nickname he once hated sounded so sweet dripping off of your tongue. it was one of the things that easily allowed people who knew mat to realize just how fucked he was for you. he had never let anyone else ever call him that, claiming it made his skin crawl. now he thinks it was just the universe’s way of warning him. if she was the one that was supposed to use it everyday, maybe that’s why it sounded so horrendous coming from everyone else.

“10 miles over the speed that warrants no seatbelt!” you rolled your eyes but smiled. mat was a worrier, and you had trouble recognizing when things were more dangerous than you made them out to be. you sat back in your seat to please the boy who was anxiously chewing on his tongue and pressed a firm kiss to his cheek. he’d return it, but he was watching the road to make sure no kids or animals popped up out of nowhere.

“i love you. even if you’re a worry wart.” he rolled his eyes but accepted the affirmation and easily slipped it back to you.

it hits him like a truck every now and then, that his passenger seat is empty and he has nowhere to actually go. there’s no one to point out brick houses that stand out to them or to make up scenarios that will most definitely never happen. he wants someone to lay their head in his lap despite the fact that the cup holders are digging into her back and it’s hard to avoid the fear shift. he misses you, misses your laugh that easily filled the air and never failed to bring a smile to his face. he misses feeling your hand rest on the back of his neck while your fingers thread themselves in and out of his hair.

he misses you, and i matter how many times he thinks of calling you or wishes your name will appear on his phone screen, he knows it’s a lost cause. he remembers the picture he recently saw on his instagram feed where your smile practically lit up an entire room while your arms were wrapped around someone that wasn’t him. he remembers the pair of hands that sat on your hips that didn’t belong to him and the caption that suggested you were as happy as ever.

and though that may be true, mat can’t help but miss you lying beside him while he looks up at his ceiling with a bottle of jack in his hand and your favorite record spinning on his turntable.

the ringing sounded far away as mat slipped into a state of distance, a state where the phone sounded miles away from him or like he was sitting underwater. he wasn’t surprised to get your voice mail, in fact he would’ve been more surprised if you had picked up. so he waited for the beep and started talking.

“hey, i know it’s a friday night and the likelihood of you even seeing this call is ridiculous. even if you did, i didn’t expect you to pick up. you never pick up anymore. i miss you. i miss you more than i wish i did, but i just can’t help it. i cook enough food for two and always end up staring at the left overs with a heart heavy enough to fall straight out of my ass. today I drove through the suburbs and pictured I was driving home to you. and then i got here and you weren’t here, and it hit me. you’re not coming back. no matter how much i sit and wait and stare at the front door, you’re not going to come home. the bed feels cold, and the sheets are never as soft as they used to be. maybe i do the laundry wrong, or maybe it’s just because you’re not here. everything feels wrong without you and i don’t know how to-“

it wasn’t the first time he’d been cut off by a second beep, a way to tell him that he’d rambled for too long and he’d filled your voice mail box with tens of messages you probably don’t listen to. mat stared at his phone and wondered if he should call again or if the blurry vision he was sporting due to the build up in his eyes was a sign to put the phone down and sulk all on his own.

he’d fall asleep that night with a lump in his throat and wet cheeks, wishing you were the thing propping his arm up rather than a half deflated pillow. he’d wake up in a confused state where he almost thought you were the noises he heard outside of the bedroom only to be let down by the fact that it was the tv that he forgot to turn off.

he’d drive through suburbs again and again after that, figuring that it was a healthy way for him to cope with the fact that he’d never buy one of these houses for you. you’d never wake him up by tugging open the curtains and presenting him with a bright smile and a cup of coffee. it was a harsh realization, one he was still working through, but he was trying. he was trying to move on and one day, driving through the suburbs didn’t make him feel sick to his stomach.

[fan4196]

Can I Buy You A Coffee?

I'm so sorry this took way too long, but here it is I hope you like it @androgynousprincecloud. It's not exactly what you requested but I tried my best.

Thank you @angry-slytherin again for beta reading :)

Hope you like it. Enjoy!

-

"Alright are there any questions?" Jo asks happily after the talk she just held at the yearly medical innovations conference about her cancer studies. She had been quite surprised as she received the invite to lecture about her research, but more than happy about the opportunity. She had been really stressed about her presentation and had quite some doubts but now as she looks into hundreds of interested and impressed eyes, she feels really good.

"Yeah I have a question. Can I buy you a coffee, Dr. Wilson?" A voice she knows way to well breaks through the silent audience and Jo's thoughts. She tries to stay as calm as she can right now, trying not to show a hundred people what this voice does to her right now. Her mouth immediately goes dry and her hands begin to sweat as she stares into the audience; she tries to find him but quickly turnes back to her laptop.

"Ahm- thank you all for coming and have a nice remaining conference." She quickly ends her presentation without answering any other questions. She really can't do this right now. She thought that this conference would be a good distraction from everything but now he was here.

The room fills with clapping as the light turns back on and everyone starts to leave.

A few minutes later it's just Jo in the big room, packing her stuff together while she tries to comprehend what just happened.

He's here. And she doesn't really know how to feel about it. As much hurt as his voice roused, it also rouse happiness. Happiness; she hadn't felt it in quite a while. To be exact since the day the stupid letter arrived. On this day something broke inside of her. Something that is still broken, but hearing his stupid voice again after this much time, put a few pieces of this broken thing inside of her back in place.

"I always knew you were a freaking genius."

She shivers a little as soon as she hears his voice again. Turning around she watches him slowly coming down the few stairs of the audience. He didn't change at all. The grey in his beard became a little more, but other than that he's still the man she once fell so deeply in love with. Wearing his signature smirk and a little sparkle in his eyes, which she can't quite pinpoint. He's also wearing this stupid old black jacked she was never able to make him get rid of. With his hands in his pockets he's finally reaching her on the stage.

Even thought she tries to fight against it, her heart immediately starts to beat a little faster as soon as she smells his typical scent and his burning eyes on her do the rest. She never imagined what their first meeting would be like after everything that happened; she wasn't even sure if they would ever meet again but she didn't think that it would be like this. But she for sure had expected to hate him more, she had expected the need to punch him in the face; to hurt him just as much as he hurt her. She would really like to hate him but her body has a completely different plan. And before she even knows it her arms are wrapped around his neck and her face buries itself into his jacket, inhaling his scent, quietly enjoying his presence again after so long.

She feels his arms carefully finding their way on her hips, pulling her a little closer, before he buries his face in her hair.

They stand like this for a few minutes, neither of them speaking, enjoying each other's company, like their did so many times throughout their relationship.

Before she starts unwrapping her arms from around his neck she quietly answers his question.

"Yes. Yes you can buy me a coffee."

-

It's been almost five month now since their reunion at the medical innovations conference. Five month in which a lot of things happened. Most important, Alex kept his promise and took her out for coffee. And they talked; for hours. Alex talked about his twins, his job, Kansas, even a little about Izzie.

Jo talked about her reactivated research, her newfound love Gus, her puppy and even a little bit about her feelings.

They talked a lot about their feelings, their hurt, the things that they regret and are sorry about; something they never did through out their relationship. Because they were two stubborn human beings that were way to scared that the other one would leave as soon as they had a bigger fight.

But now they are a little bit older and both frequently seeing a therapist, which let them experience their communication on totally different levels. Not that talking had never came easy between the two, because it did, but now they were able to talk differently with each other; without the fear of losing the other one. Not because they didn't have each other anymore, but because they reconnected on more and deeper levels again.

And they started talking more often. They started calling each other on their lunch breaks, which lead to talking every night before they went to sleep.

After another month it turned into facetiming before bed. Jo met the twins over Facetime and they met Jo's puppy Gus. Which lead to Alex and the twins visiting Jo and Gus in Seattle. They spend a whole week together; went to the zoo, the museum, the cinema, did a lot of fun things together and it actually felt really nice.

After their week together the twins were really sad that they had to leave their new bestfriend Jo again, but Alex assured them that they would see her more often from how on.

-

A few months and a lot of conversations later, Alex started visiting Seattle, with and without kids, more frequently. He stayed with Jo every time he was there. He slept on the couch, they drove to the hospital together and did fun things together just like they used to do when they had been just friends back then. The couch quickly turned into the bed they once shared, and if you know those two at least a little you can imagine that as soon as Alex was sleeping in the bed again there has not been one morning where they didn't wake up in each other's arms. Something both of them secretly missed the most when they weren't with each other. At first they, of course, tried to ignore it but in the end they knew they had to talk about it and what that means for them, so they did. They talked; at first because their talking quickly changed into staring deeply in each other's eyes and then eventually ended with kissing.

Alex had to leave again but the next time he visited they started right where they left off. The kissing became more frequent and soon came as normal as it always has been. And one night kissing wasn't enough anymore and turned into sex. This time they didn't ignore it and immediately talked about what this means for their slowly reforming relationship. They agreed that neither of them could deny it any longer and agreed on trying to make a long distance relationship work.

And they did but soon both of them realized that it was not what they really wanted.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, Princess. I promise I try to make it this weekend, ok? I know I said that last week too but I promise I'll be there this time." Alex tries to sound as convincing as he could.

"Mmhh. I hope so, I really miss you and I have something to tell you that I don't wanna do over the phone." Jo answers, as she sits on the couch in the loft holding her phone to her ear while she pets Gus, who is contently sleeping on her lap.

"Geez, thanks. Now I really have to keep my promise." Alex jokes sarcastically, which makes Jo laugh.

"That was my intention, jerk." Jo grinnes, knowing that he's wearing a smirk right now too.

Before he can answer their call gets interrupt by a knock against the metall door of the loft.

"Ahm- hang on one second. I think my pizza is here." Jo shares, while she carefully picks Gus up from her lap, which wakes the poor little puppy.

Putting her phone on the coffe table, she quickly takes the change she already laid out and walks to the door, unlocking the locks before she opens it with one strong sweep.

She needs a few seconds to realize who the man in front of her is, but then her shocked face turnes into the biggest grin.

She can't quite believe the sign in front of her. It's Alex with an open pizza carton in his hands, on the top inside of the box you can read 'Homecoming?' in obviously Alex's awfully scrawly handwriting.

As Jo looks from the pizza carton to Alex's face she can see the excitement in his eyes. So he really means what he scribbled on the box.

"Oh my God." Jo gasps, before her already big smile turns even bigger. Without thinking twice and obviously not caring about the open pizza box in Alex hand she gets the one step closer before she jumps into his arms.

They stay like that for a few minutes. As Jo posens her grip around Alex she notices the two big suitcases behind him.

They quickly bring his luggage inside and Alex sits down on the couch. Gus immediately takes up his lap and continues his nap.

"So what's the thing you have to tell me?" Alex asks as Jo puts down plates and something to drink on the coffee table.

Without a word she graps something from her nightstand and places it in Alex's hand as she finally sits down beside him. It's a little grey package with a neatly tied bow on top. Alex carefully undoes the bow, opening the box. A black and white picture with Jo's neatly handwriting on the bottom comes to sign. Alex eyes immediately grow big as he reads the caption under the picture, saying 'Hi daddy!'. 

[spidernerdsblog]

I Forgot That You Existed : Epilogue

A/N: . And this is the end of the series really enjoyed writing this. Hope you all enjoyed it too. Feedback and suggestions are always welcome.

Pairing : Tom Holland × Singer reader

Summary : It’s been more than five years since you and Tom have gone their own ways after a heartbreaking breakup which had left both of you shattered. Both of you thought that you were finally over with each other and were happy in your respective lives until you meet again at a reunion trip planned by your best friend and you realize you are still not done with each other.

Warnings : mild swearing.

Mini Playlist : London boy and Lover by Taylor Swift

"The news is just loving you." You chuckled sitting on the kitchen counter scrolling on your phone. Tom grimaced. 

"Just check out the headlines" 

Trouble in paradise 

Wedding a PR stunt? You read out. 

"My PR team is so pissed at me right now they are on the edge to handle this whole mess." 

You were scrolling through your feed as you stumbled upon a photo of yours with Tom posted by a fan account. It was a recent photograph from the carnival where you are seen holding hands walking through the crowd. It was a backshot but it did leave little to anyone's imagination that it was you and Tom. Whoever posted it wrote with the caption. 

Is it?? Are they?? OMG!! 😲😍

"Oh fuck me!!" You cursed. 

"Darling I would love to do that but I'm sort of busy right now with making you breakfast." You gave him a dirty look and shoved your phone to his face. 

"Look at this." Tom was puzzled at first then slowly his eyes widened with shock as he took a look at the photo. 

"What the fuck!!" 

"I'm so dead Alex is gonna eat me alive." You face palmed. 

"How did they even get this?" 

"How can I know?! Someone must have spotted us and clicked it." 

"What do we do now? There is no way people are gonna believe that we aren't in a relationship." 

"I'm in no place to take in the hate so…" you got busy with your phone. 

"Wait what are you doing?" 

"Nothing just desperate times calls for desperate measures." Being in this industry one thing you have realized is that people will believe anything posted online and Alex has taught you a few tricks to handle these kinds of situations. So before people start making a fuss about that photo you decided to share some photos from the vacation on your Instagram. The first photo you posted was of you, Tom and Harrison which you captioned 

Best friends for life!!💕🍻

You posted a few more including one from the carnival too. 

"Well disaster averted temporarily. We can clarify things further in interviews."You winked, showing him your phone. Tom stood in between your legs wrapping his hands around your waist. 

"My girlfriend is a genius." 

"That I am." You smirked. 

"Can't you stay a little longer?" he pouted. 

"Tom are you serious? I already extended my stay by one week for you. If I stay any further Alex will just kill me. And don't you have a press tour coming up?"

"Yeah fine will miss you though."

"Me too" you pecked his lips. 

"By the way I was serious about that before, you know in the kitchen." he drew circles on your skin. 

"I didn't say no either" you bite your lower lip batting your eyelashes innocently. Tom tightened his grip on your waist, peppering you with kisses on your neck you squeaked as he lifted you from the counter. 

Three Years later….. 

"Y/N just relax." Zendaya said. You were pacing in your bridal suite. 

"I can't, this is just too much to handle, do you think I should run away? Tom will understand right?" you blabbered. 

"Y/N it's totally normal to get cold feet for the bride to be before her marriage." Elysia tried to calm you down. 

"And if you faint on the aisle, your maid of honor and the other bridesmaids will be honored to catch you." Zendaya chuckled. 

"Not helping Z." You deadpanned. 

"Umm Elysia you seemed quite calm when you and Sam got married how was that so?" 

"Believe me girl I was nervous as hell. All sorts of doubts started hovering in my head like what if this is a mistake? What if all goes wrong? But once when I was at the aisle and saw his face all my doubts cleared away. This is the man I love and spending my life with him will be the best thing in the world. Whatever may come in our way we will overcome it together." 

"Wow that's a great insight." 

"You got this girl! " Chloe cheered you whilst fixing your dress. 

"How is the bride doing?" El enquired as she entered into your room with a jovial smile. 

"Oh hi El!" you eagerly went and hugged her. 

"Hi darling!" 

"You're late by the way." You quipped. 

"I'm sorry dear the flight got delayed." 

"Girl you seem to be doing much better than your groom. I just happened to pass by your husband and by his looks he seemed like he would shit in his pants any moment." You all burst out laughing. 

When the news of your wedding broke out it became the talk of the town. 

You wanted it to be a private affair away from the prying eyes of the media. So what's better than getting married in the peace and serenity of the countryside in the presence of your close friends and family. 

The aisle was beautifully decorated with white lilies and roses. 

Tom was shuffling on his feet at the aisle. 

"Dude everything is fine, stop worrying. She will be here in a few minutes." Harry tried to boost his confidence. 

"You know Y/N is a sort of fickle minded what if she had a change of mind?" Harrison chuckled. 

"You know what Harrison? You are the worst man." Tom grumbled. Harrison laughed. 

Finally, the priest came out and asked everyone to stand. It was your turn! All eyes would soon be on you.  Chloe and Ed's three year old daughter Belle was your flower girl for the wedding. She looked cute in a pink gown as she walked on her little feet lining the path with white rose petals as the music started. 

You only took two steps out before you were greeted by your father. He escorted you down the aisle. He became your strength; without him you would have fainted you thought. The guests looked at you, taking pictures of your dress, waving at you, smiling- one thing was for sure, though… no one made a sound. 

Up ahead you saw him, Tom. Your future husband, the love of your life, your everything. He stood taller, his shoulders back and his eyes on you. If you weren’t mistaken you could have sworn tears filled his eyes.

Tom stood there hypnotized seeing you in that pristine white wedding dress you looked like a dream he thought as you walked towards him. 

At the end of the aisle your father hugged you 

“I'm proud of you jellybean” it was a kind of emotional moment for you as a few tears slipped down your eyes so as your father's and then he presented you to your groom. He placed your hand in Tom’s and smiled. As a couple, Tom and you stood in front of the priest.

Before your father walked away, he patted Tom on the shoulder. That was his way of welcoming him into the family. 

Standing next to your love felt overwhelming. You glanced at each other for a moment. 

"You look beautiful." Tom mouthed to you. 

"You too." You mouthed him back with a wink. 

Elysia was right you thought, an unknown excitement surging inside you. 

Was this really happening? Will I soon be Mrs. Holland? You thought. 

The minister said to guests, “You can now be seated”. Everyone followed his request.

“Dearly beloved,” he began, “we are gathered here to witness this man and woman join together in holy matrimony.”

He said the speech and afterward you exchanged vows, tears filling both your eyes.

Paddy walked in with Tessa who had your rings in a basket she was holding in her mouth. Everyone went 'aww!' as she looked adorable in a wedding tutu walking over to the aisle. You placed Tom's ring on first, then he placed on yours.

“With the power invested in me I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Tom leaned in and kissed you,softly like he’s never done it before. Everyone cheered for you, however you barely noticed; your full attention rested on Tom. 

And you left the stage with Tom hand in hand. Though you were against doing any kind of wedding tradition but your bridesmaids were adamant for the bouquet ceremony so you had to give in to that. They lined behind you. 

"Okay girls you ready?!" You tossed the bouquet. You turned to see Zendaya had caught it. 

"I knew it was your turn next." You cackled.

"This is not done. We could have done the garter ceremony too; it would have been so much fun." Harrison complained. 

"I think you guys had your fair share of fun on the Bachelorette with all the booze and that stripper that by the way our parents aren't aware of" you muttered with a stern look in your eyes. Harrison gulped because he was behind the whole Bachelorette fiasco. 

"Yeah we are fine." he said timidly. 

You went to change to something more comfortable for the reception. 

The lawn buzzed with excited chatter and children ran between the tables in a good natured game of tag. There was the scraping of chairs as folks got up for a standing ovation as you and Tom made your way to the head table, smiling and holding hands. There were cheers and someone whooped.

 As the evening progressed everybody had loosened up a bit. People were chatting, eating and enjoying the reception. 

"Finally the number of women are increasing in the Holland family." Elysia announced. Everyone laughed.

"Ah! seeing you two together really makes us happy" Nikki said. 

"Yeah now it's time you give us our grandchildren too." Your mother joked. You and Tom flustered at that. 

"Moomm!! we just got married. We are too young for that, let us enjoy this time." You whined. 

"Honey I had you when I was 25. No pressure though take your time." 

It was the time for your first dance with Tom,your friends pulled you both to the stage, a soft music was playing. You held his hand, his other hand resting on your waist as you swayed to the music. 

"So how are you feeling wifey or may I say Mrs Holland?" 

"Umm the weather is a little warm, feeling a little bloated other than that I'm doing fine hubby." You chuckled. 

"You know I was so nervous I actually thought what if you changed your mind about the wedding?" 

"Not gonna lie I was actually thinking of running away." You smirked. You exhaled resting your head on his chest swaying to the music. 

"Hey you okay?" 

"Yeah why?" 

"Nothing, just all that baby talk." 

"Hey it's totally fine I'm way over that. And I would love to be a mom again but not now." 

"Just imagine you me and our four little halflings. We could have two girls and two boys or three girls,one boy or a pack of four boys like us or.." You cut him off. 

"Whoa whoa whoa slow down mister. First of all we are not having more than two.'' 

"But why? I'm totally gonna be a hands-on dad I promise."

"Easy for you to say because I will be the one going through the whole birthing process. So no uterus no opinion. And isn't that why Thanos snapped in the first place overpopulation, limited resources." You chuckled, snapping your fingers. Tom shook his head laughing.

"I would be so glad if I have twins all the hassle in one time." 

"Whatever you want darling. You know how much I love you." 

"I know and I love you too." 

"Okay how about three if not four?" He suggested. 

"If we are to count you, I'll have three kids to look after so your wish is fulfilled already." You laughed. 

As the reception was drawing close you went up the stage tapping on the microphone to seek everybody's attention. 

"Good evening everyone. First of all, I really wanna thank each and everyone for blessing us with your presence at our wedding and making it memorable." 

"Tom and I have known each other since we were kids. Our mother's were convinced that we would end up together and so we did though we had to go through our own rough patch. But I'm glad that eventually everything got sorted out and the credit goes to our families and friends." 

"It's no secret I write songs taking inspiration from my life and Tom has been a major part of my life. So this is for you hubby."

The band played the notes as you started singing. 

"I love my hometown as much as Motown, I love SoCal

And you know I love Springsteen, faded blue jeans, Tennessee whiskey

But something happened, I heard him laughing

I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent

They say home is where the heart is

But that's not where mine lives"

Everyone clapped and cheered. Tom's whole face lit up as he looked at you. 

"You know I love a London boy

I enjoy walking Camden Market in the afternoon

He likes my American smile

Like a child when our eyes meet, darling, I fancy you

Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates

So I guess all the rumors are true

You know I love a London boy

Boy, I fancy you (ooh)"

Tom was blushing at his seat as Harrison elbowed him in a teasing manner. You had a wide smile as you looked at him. 

"And now I love high tea, stories from uni, and the West End

You can find me in the pub, we are watching rugby with his school friends

Show me a gray sky, a rainy cab ride

Babe, don't threaten me with a good time

They say home is where the heart is

But God, I love the English"

You took the microphone in your hand singing and walked over to Tom extending your hand to him. He took it and got up from his seat as you walked him over to the middle of the stage. 

"You know I love a London boy

I enjoy nights in Brixton, Shoreditch in the afternoon

He likes my American smile

Like a child when our eyes meet, darling, I fancy you

Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates

So I guess all the rumors are true

You know I love a London boy

Boy, I fancy you"

You stood there glancing at his eyes. 

"So please show me Hackney

Doesn't have to be Louis V up on Bond Street

Just wanna be with you

Wanna be with you

Stick with me, I'm your queen

Like a Tennessee Stella McCartney on the Heath

Just wanna be with you (wanna be with you)

Wanna be with you (oh)

You know I love a London boy

I enjoy walking SoHo, drinking in the afternoon (yeah)

He likes my American smile

Like a child when our eyes meet, darling, I fancy you (you)

Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates

So I guess all the rumors are true (yeah)

You know I love a London boy (oh)

Boy (oh), I fancy you (I fancy you, ooh)"

Present day…. 

"And that is how your mum and dad got married kids." Harrison finished his story letting out a deep breath. 

"Wow uncle Haz that was epic!" Your seven year old daughter chirped in awe. 

"Yup everything was epic with those divs."  

"We are back!" Tom announced as you both entered your house. 

"Peter! Vienna! Where are my pumpkins?" you called out as you heard shuffling of feets and giggles. 

"Mommy!! Daddy!!" your little munchkins came running to you. 

"There they are."  You cooed. Your five year old son launched himself into your arms as you picked him up. 

"Did you have fun with your uncles?" 

"Yess!!" Peter said beaming with joy. 

"Uncle Haz and uncle Harry were telling us a story." Vienna informed you. 

"What story bubs?" 

"Your and daddy's love story." You and Tom looked at each other smiling. 

"Oh really? I hope they didn't go much into the details keeping it kids friendly." 

"Of course Y/N you really don't trust us do you?" Harry said feeling offended.

"To be honest, No" you replied bluntly. 

"Where's Ava and Jordan?" you asked whilst putting Peter down. 

"They are with their moms at mum and dad's house helping with dinner." Harry said. 

"Okay then let's get you guys ready and then we will go to grandma's for the Christmas Dinner eh?" Tom said to your kids. 

"Yayy!!" Vienna and Peter rushed back to their room.

You were at the doorstep as you rang the bell as you were greeted by Nikki. 

"You guys are late." 

"Sorry, someone was way too confident about his navigation skills so had to take a detour." You eyed Tom. 

"That wasn't completely my fault. How would I know that the road would be closed?" Tom retorted. 

"It's Christmas time Tom! Everyone knows." You both started arguing at the doorstep. 

"Then why didn't you tell me?" 

"Okay that's enough for now, God you two  have been married for almost 10 years and still your non stop bickering continues." Nikki scolded you both. 

''You got all the things I told you to bring?'' 

"Yes mum." Tom said sheepishly. 

"Merry Christmas grandma!!'' Vienna and Peter came rushing in clinging on to her. 

"Aww Merry Christmas my loves. C'mon get inside all your cousins are waiting for you." 

After the dinner all you ladies gathered in the living room and gossiped among yourselves and your husbands were chugging on to their beers and having their share of laughs in the dining room. 

The kids were busy playing amongst themselves.

Vienna came up to you and tugged on to the sleeve of your sweater. You turned to look at her brown doe eyes which she totally inherited from Tom along with her luscious curls. She was a stark image of him. 

"Do you need something peanut?" 

"Mom, will you sing for us? Pleaasse." she innocently asked, making a puppy face the trick she had picked up from her dad in the meantime. And how could you say no to that. 

"Anything for you honey. Can you bring me my guitar love?" 

"Sure mom." Vienna beamed with joy as she ran to bring your guitar. You slipped down the couch to sit on the carpeted floor stretching your legs as you strummed on to the chords. 

"We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January

This is our place, we make the rules

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home

You're my, my, my, my lover"

Vienna sat beside you. You swayed sideways while singing to her. Vienna tried to sing along with you clapping her hands to the rhythm. Peter came running and settled down on the other side of you resting his head on your lap. You stroked his hair with your hand gently. 

"We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my lover"

The boys heard you singing as they got up and flocked in the living room. You glanced at Tom standing at the doorway smiling and gave him a subtle wink. He can never get enough of you, every time he looks at you he falls in love again and again. Sometimes he wonders how did he get so lucky? You were perfect, who gave him the two most precious gifts of his life. His heart swells when he looks at his little family. You make him whole. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover"

Tom walked towards you and picked up Peter making him sit on his lap as he sat beside you. His one hand went to wrap around your shoulder as he placed a soft kiss on your cheek, you looked at him smiling. You were so proud of this man, the perfect husband, the doting father to your children you didn't have words to express. Tom rested his head on your shoulder, Vienna and Peter clinged on to you as you sang. You felt full from the inside out. 

'' Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my

Oh, you're my, my, my, my

Darling, you're my, my, my, my lover"

.................................................................

Taglist is open.

@sleepybesson​​ @sophs-library​​ @spideyparkerstark​​ @itstaskeen​​ @milli86​​ @biebsmylife95​​ @quaksonhehe​​ @hannahholland1811​ ​​ @awhollandx​​ @joyleenl​​  @greatpizzascissorstaco​​ @tomhollandsotherpinkytoe​​ @jjandreidsgirl​​ @brighterthanthesunx​​ @marvelpeters​​ @panicattheeverywherekid​​ @onewithnomightypowers​​ @itsnotmeh24  @bitchinwpei @astridcommings​ @hollandprkr​​  @hollandsobrien​​ @timotayswriter​​ @kiki-hines​​ @casualprincess77​​ @spideyth​​ @perspectiveparker​​ @thevelvetseries​​ @tempo-rary-fix​

[ladyc0312]

A Jikook Guide to RunBTS: 30-39

One general trend to point out that’s true pretty much all series long, but was particularly noticeable to me starting around these episodes - JK and JM end up next to each other an unusually high percentage of the time when the guys choose where they're standing / sitting. Like, I initially thought I was only noticing it because I was primed to notice KM stuff, so I started tracking some other random pairs for comparison, and there’s no contest. 

Also, this is when the show started really hitting its groove. I’d seen nearly all the Run episodes before going back and rewatching for this guide. There were some I rewatched at 1.5x speed and others I happily rewatched normally. There are many more of the later starting around here.

As usual, let me know if I’ve missed anything or should take another look at something!

Ep 30 "The Variety Show of Memories Part 1" 

(Ep: 4 / KM: 1)

The ones with dancing, games, sleepy Kookie, and the tomato song that will embed itself in your brain 

20:00 - JK picks Jimin for the quiz challenge without using honorifics. Jimin calls him out for it and JK jokes back, then actually apologizes.

BEHIND 5:47 - JK is the only one to clap when Jimin does a funny dance 

Ep 31 "The Variety Show of Memories Part 2" (Ep: 5 / KM: 0)

None. But seriously, guys, this episode is a must-watch regardless. 

Ep 32 "Take Care of Santa" (Ep: 3 / KM: 1)

The one where everyone runs around like crazy in Santa hats with pig balloons as J-Hope not-so-secretly tries to steal them

9:08 - Jimin spots JK hiding in a tunnel and crawls in to talk to him despite suspecting that he's the thief 

27:50 - Jimin asks JK for the balloon he opened up to make his voice high with helium gas. JK gives it to him and they both say goodbyes in high-pitched voices at 28:14

Ep 33 "BTS and Manito Part 1" (Ep: 5 / KM: 3)

The ones where the guys jump for pictures, cheat at puzzles, and give each other gifts

1:59 - Jimin laughs a little when he sees that he's chosen JK as his Manito 3:56 - Jimin asks "Jungkook, why are you so cute?" and for some reason the on-screen text emphasizes this by popping up under Jimin's face saying "Jimin finding Jungkook very cute" 10:01 - Jimin comments on how high JK jumped and the on-screen text continues to call him out by tagging him as "amazed by Jungkook's jumping skills" 11:06 - Jimin singles out JK for praise for another good photo (on-screen text: "so hilarious") 12:00 - Jimin tells JK that he wants to give him a point for his acting, but his shoulders didn't make it into the shot 14:10 - Jimin AGAIN compliments JK (maybe he felt bad because he judged him as not properly in the picture the prev round) and the on-screen text wants to make sure we know Jimin is "amazed" I really can't tell if whoever writes this stuff is onto Jimin or is just also in love with JK, but I find the constant commentary hilarious either way 16:06 - Jimin gets JK to try to coordinate photo-bombing RM's pic BEHIND 5:05 - When JK is taking pictures of the posed photos he finds funny, takes two of Jimin (and you can see he's zoomed in on Jimin's face in both) while laughing adorably

Ep 34 "BTS and Manito Part 2" (Ep: 5, KM: 3)

8:46 - JM & JK decide to work together as a team to solve the puzzle

11:54 and 14:46 - JK and JM playfully grab and shove each other a bit to get to the mic first

15:41 - After Jimin and JK get bingo at the same time, they high five and Jimin comments "there's something about us"

15:55 - Jimin has moved his chair so he's sitting super close to JK and has seems to have his hand on his back for an extended period of time

23:27 - When they say Jimin failed his manito mission to make finger hearts with JK, they do it together and pose cutely here. Then, JK reminds JM that he actually did it successfully when the main cameras weren't on them by talking with JK about how different people make finger hearts. Jimin shakes JK's hand in thanks for the validation. 

24:17 - It's quick, but you can see Jimin tapping JK to make a comment to him while the focus is on Jin.

25:53 - Jimin makes a comment about being a calico cat after JK has opened Jimin's manito gift and seen that it's a cat lamp. I mention it because I've seen some people connect that to "Serendipity" being a jikook thing, which I buy generally but, in this particular instance, Jimin had no way of knowing which member his present would end up going to.  BEHIND 2:38 - JK does a joking imitation of acting out a food and Jimin playfully slaps him on the arm 3:41 - The same thing happens again when JK makes another funny face

Ep 35 "Kimchi Battle" (Ep: 3, KM: 3)

The one where, as you’d expect from the title, BTS makes kimchi

1:12 - JK taps Jimin on the chest when they say he can call his mom for help 1:23 - JM has his arm around JK's shoulders for a while and then moves his hand down to his lower back at 1:38 11:24 - JM has JK smell something gross and is impressed when JK has no reaction 16:38 - JK goes over to taste and compliment JM's kimchi and gets scolded by Suga for having his back to the camera 18:03 - JM watches closely as JK mixes the kimchi and the others compliment his arms 18:21 - Jimin continues staring at said arms 19:21 - Still staring 20:19 - More staring as the others all compliment JK's arms again 21:16 - Guess who's still watching JK? This time JM looks particularly impressed when JK lifts a heavy container 21:38 - Even the on-screen text has noticed the staring at this point and captions this "looking sweetly at Jungkook" 23:23 - Jimin tells JK the kimchi won't taste good yet because it's too fresh and looks at him affectionately, then compliments how good it looks.  24:38 - JM compliment's JK's kimchi again. He really seems much more invested in JK's work than his own this ep BEHIND 0:44 - JK claps for the slate and JM hits himself over his heart right after, making JK (and no one else) laugh 5:52 - Jimin wipes the sweat off JK's neck as he works on mixing the kimchi. When Jin does the same for JK's forehead right after, Jimin says that they look like two brothers and it looks like Jin's hating what he's doing.

Ep 36 "Kimchi Wars" (Ep: 3, KM: 1)

The one where the above kimchi is used in a cooking competition 

None. JM and JK cooking together on the same team is cute, but everyone is cooking together, so there’s nothing uniquely jikook in the episode itself. BEHIND 5:10 - JK starts clapping a beat and JM joins in with his tongs and dances 6:35 - As JK films some of the food, someone (not quite sure who) comments that they've never seen any of JK's work except for when he went on vacation with Jimin

Ep 37 "BTS Marble Returns" (Ep: 1?, KM: 1)

The one in this set that I have absolutely no memory of 

5:41 - When JK loses and rolls around in annoyance, Jimin comments twice how cute he is

Ep 38 "Spin BTS" (Ep: 3 / KM: 3)

The one where they play a bunch of strange games while Suga is dressed as Chimmy  

2:33 - JK smiles at and compliments JM's penalty suggestion

4:47 - Before starting this game, JM said that he wasn’t good at games requiring strength. Here, JK points out twice that Jimin isn't being moved by the ropes 

5:42 - JK compliments Jimin at the game again, saying he's like a bull 

7:05 - Despite being on Jin's team, JM goes over to watch JK complete his puzzle

10:02 - After JHope identifies a sound as Jimin sneezing, JK says he was going to say that too and grabs Jimin's arm to ask him if he knew

11:33 - One second clip of an interaction that starts with JM putting his hand near JK's face, but it's cut off

21:30 - When other members are practicing imitating people, JK tells them to do Jimin next

BEHIND 5:50 - When asked to guess why Jimin made an upset noise, both Jimin and Jin guess (wrongly) that it had something to do with JK

Ep 39 "BTS Golden Bell Part 1" (Ep: 3, KM: 3)

The one in which JK learns that he far prefers being a competitor than an MC

1:14 - After JK announces that he's offering up his computer as the prize, Jimin turns around and gives him a quick side hug

1:29 - After they decide JK will be the MC and it's clear JK is nervous about it, Jimin starts fixing something on JK’s uniform and pats him on the shoulder while advising him how to deliver some of the words. He also seems to remind him to ring the bell at 2:24

2:52 - JK and JM stand super close when he asks him questions, to the point where the on-screen text asks "Must you stand so close?" at 3:05

3:50 - This may be reading too much into things, but Jimin's body language and the way he's not smiling like the rest of them made me wonder if he was annoyed about them taking the MC role away from JK...

7:55 - While celebrating his team's win, JK dances over to Jimin, who smiles and gives him a high-five even though the other members of Jimin's team are unhappy about losing

16:36 - When JK accidentally calls out his own name instead of someone to challenge, Jimin walks over and hugs him while laughing

BEHIND 0:56 - JK and JM joke around together 5:40 - Slightly different angle of the 16:36 moment above

[victorromeofox-blog]

VRF Website and Community

VRF Website and Community - Soft Opening Coming Soon!

I've been a little less active here in the last little bit, but have been working behind the scenes to build up the VRF website and planning around community-building.  I'm just about ready to start opening the site to semi-public access and start inviting trusted people to the Discord within the next week!  There is some information below introducing some of the content and features of the site and Discord server.  Please contact me (Ask or email preferred) if you would like access - I recommend reading the rest of this post before you do, but it is not required.

If you’re looking to better understand BDSM and kink, participate in a community of rational, respectful, and conscientious kink practitioners, and contribute to protecting, uplifting, and helping others - while still enjoying some fantasies - you are exactly the type of person who would be a great fit for this space.

If you’re “just here for the porn”, this website and community are not going to be what you’re looking for.  They are specifically a pushback against that very mentality, and the rampant toxicity and problematic discourse in the online BDSM/kink space, especially CNC kink, and your needs will be better met elsewhere.  Same goes for those who are just out to get nudes, roleplay online, organize hookups, or find a submissive - there are other spaces geared toward that.

In the meantime, I'd like to explain what this all means to me, where VRF is headed next, and what factors I'm taking into consideration as I continue.  This is going to be a fairly reflective post - almost like a letter of intent - but I'm putting it out there primarily for transparency and also for those of you who want some insight into my thoughts and process.

VRF - A Quick Recap

When I started VRF in 2015, I didn't really have a goal.  I was just looking to curate the kinds of porn I enjoyed the most on Tumblr and occasionally added some captions that came to mind as I did - and accidentally cultivated a sizeable following.  As the blog grew and began to have more interactions with others on the network, I realized that I couldn't stay in-persona all the time - not without sending a potentially dangerous message - so I started answering asks and giving advice out of character, as myself.  These "real" interactions, as well as the reality checks that kept rolling in, set the tone for what VRF would become - and made me feel much more comfortable with running a blog featuring questionable content.

I stepped away from the blog and went on hiatus in 2016; I saw a sharp rise in hateful, bigoted, and violent voices online and no longer felt comfortable that my posts would remain firmly in the realm of fantasy for the majority of readers.  Although the original @violent-rape-fantasies was terminated in 2019, I made a fairly complete backup of the entire blog before it went down.  I returned in late 2020 to start again from scratch, try to rebuild my following, and reconnect with the community - that effort was terminated by Tumblr in 2021, leading me to the two blogs I currently have (@VictorRomeoFox-blog / @violent-rape-fantasies-2​) and to create a self-hosted website containing the original VRF archives with major quality-of-life improvements to the Tumblr experience.

This process made me consider what my goals are for VRF, how I want to achieve them, and what promises I make to the community as part of that journey.  

VRF - Mission and Values

VRF's mission is to be a safe, inclusive, and collaborative space that promotes affirmative consent, healthy relationships, and conscientious kink, where consenting adults can explore their kinks, enjoy fictional fantasies, and uplift one another without overbearing guilt or shame.

Let me quickly break some of this down:

safe: I want people to feel comfortable consuming and interacting with me and my content - not only the kinks and acts depicted in the fantasies, but in the entirety of the space that VRF projects, including knowing that their personhood, privacy, anonymity, and emotional safety are important to me.

inclusive: although I focus primarily on male-on-female scenarios, people from all walks of life are welcome so long as they are good citizens of the community and conscientious kink practitioners.  This also means rejecting hate, bigotry, and willful ignorance.

collaborative: VRF is discursive, both in-persona and out-of-character; the content and direction I take is often influenced by the conversations I have with followers, the asks and submissions I receive, and the state of the community as I see it.  I want to always be in conversation with the community to understand its needs and goals so that I can better meet them.

affirmative consent: as discussed in a previous post, I highlight affirmative consent because it centers around positive action as opposed to consent, which can be a passive state.  I believe this is critical for conscientious kink.

healthy relationships: the relationships we hold shape who we are, who we become, and how we interact with the world around us.  I believe that healthy relationships build healthier, happier lives - this concerns all relationships, from friendships to families to romantic or sexual partnerships.  I have seen less emphasis in this community on relationships, and interpersonal interactions in general, and think that this is a major oversight.

conscientious kink: kink can be dangerous or harmful when not practiced with care and consideration - not just for physical health, but for mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.  It requires reflection, introspection, and communication in order to form intentionality - the understanding behind what you do, how you do it, and why you do it.

reducing guilt: this is one of the concerns I get most often from followers - how to reconcile their guilt for enjoying consensual non-consent, and whether it is morally wrong or an indication that something is wrong with them.  I believe that CNC, like most kinks, can be practiced in a conscientious way to reduce and mitigate the potential dangers, but that it requires consistent effort, education, and research.

Aside from these, I identified values which are important for me to maintain in order to meet the mission.  Some of them are:

transparency: I try to be as transparent as I can, while maintaining my privacy and anonymity, so that people know that I have nothing to hide.  I cannot build a safe space without building trust, and I can’t build trust without being honest and transparent.

leadership by example: if I am positioning myself as a resource and giving advice to others, I must embody the values I put forward and lead by example, not by words; otherwise, what I say is worthless and lacks substance.

data- and research-driven: I want to provide people with a deeper understanding of themselves and their kinks; while anecdotal information can at times be helpful, I want the things I posit to have weight and justification behind them.  This means an intersection of data, research, and analysis around all of the factors involved, including moral philosophy, psychology, sociology, and biology.

care and patience: these kinks are difficult and hurtful to some people, and confusing or conflicting to others.  I need to be caring, considerate, and patient in order for people to feel comfortable engaging with my content and interacting with me.

contextualized: these kinks and fantasies don’t exist in a vacuum and must be contextualized in order to remain conscientious of the relationship it maintains to the real world.  This means that I don’t want fantasies misrepresented as reality or reality misconstrued as fantasy, and the onus is on me to ensure that followers are seeing both sides of the equation.

quality over quantity: I have a limited amount of time that I can dedicate to VRF work, and want to make the best possible use of that time.  I want to focus on high-quality content, both in-persona fantasies and out-of-character advice, research, and resources, without worrying about how much or how frequently I’m posting.  It also means that I care far less about the number of followers and viewers I have, and much more about whether I am cultivating the kind of followers that match my vision for VRF and its community.

There are other factors and values as well, but these are the biggest ones for me.  They drive how I present myself, how I interact with the community, and what kinds of content I put forth.

VRF Website - Content and Features

What does the website allow me to do that I couldn’t on Tumblr?

No censorship, frustrating filters, or threat of termination - I can focus on my content without running into blockers at every turn, or worrying that I’m going to lose all my work without warning.

Better content controls, organization, and layout - I can group posts logically and have different ways for users to access and view them instead of being one monolithic stream of posts.

Tagging and search - I’ve tagged my archive with kinks, features, toys, actions, positions, locations, and more to make it easier to both find content that you want to see and avoid content that you don’t.  The VRF site features granular search controls, including tag combinations, so you can engage with the site how you choose.

Random Post/Random Caption - sometimes, you’re in the mood to mix things up.  Instead of seeing a temporally-sorted feed of posts, you can go to a random post or caption from the menu bar.

Clear disclaimers and view control - instead of my content being blended into a sea of posts, which creates difficulty in carving out that safe cognitive space for engaging with these kinks or necessitates rapid context-switching, all of my posts will be in one central repository with clear disclaimers where I have control over how things are viewed.

The VRF Archive - the content from the original @violent-rape-fantasies blog have been restored to the VRF website.

There are some downsides, of course - like the lack of network discovery, limited server space and resources, cost, maintenance, and effort.  But the benefits greatly outweigh the additional overhead.

VRF Community

What’s the VRF Discord community all about?

This is a new idea I’m playing with - I’m not new to Discord or community management, but combining that with VRF is a new endeavor for me.  Since I’m going to be shifting my focus from Tumblr to the VRF website, some of those network and community interactions from Tumblr will move to Discord instead, such as interacting with followers, taking requests, feedback, and suggestions, and delving deeper into kink philosophy, fantasy, and practice.

I’ve set up the Discord in a way that different sections can be partitioned - like general discussion, BDSM/kink discussion, CNC fantasies, member content (submissions), and so on.  The different sections are accessible to different levels of membership and verification to maintain that safe, inclusive, and collaborative space.  For example, agreeing to the rules and guidelines gives you access to the general discussion section; verifying your age gives you access to BDSM- and kink-related sections; and being an active and trusted member who contributes to the server over time gets you access to the private sections.

This will also be a much easier way to get in contact with me, and keep the majority of my interactions with the community in one place, instead of hunting across Tumblr messenger for both my accounts, Asks, Twitter, Discord DMs, Telegram, Kik, and email.

VRF - Next Steps and Future Work

In the next few weeks, the VRF website and Discord community will soft-open and move toward general opening.  This is a new direction for me, but after assessing my priorities and goals, it is the solution best suited for what I want to achieve.  I will continue to use Tumblr, but will likely be focusing the majority of my time on the website and Discord.

The mission and values I’ve identified leave quite a bit of room to explore various ways to express these kinks and share knowledge.  I’m not hard-set on VRF being a blog with porn and captions, and could see changes or pivots in the future.  I would love for this work to be able to generate some modest revenue in the future in order to cover basic operating costs, support survivors of abuse as well as kink education and safety, and commission custom content.  As an aside, if you read all of this, please start your request for access with the word “potato” in all caps to let me know you got this far.

I also want to move toward a more ethical and sustainable model of captions and fantasies.  My first step toward this is in creating gifs myself and fully crediting the source, which I started doing when I returned from hiatus.  Concurrently, I am working with my partner, who is an artist, to develop illustrations and animations to accompany captions instead of commercial pornography - we’re still in the R&D phase for this, but hope to share some early content soon (including a fantasy and sketch that we’re working on to accompany a follower submission).  Ideally, we would be able to collaborate with submitters and sex workers to create fully original, credited, and compensated content - but that’s a huge stretch goal for the future.

We are also considering other formats for fantasy and knowledge delivery, including a visual novel format or interactive media (i.e., games) if the art development turns out well and proves sustainable.  We’re both fairly busy people in our personal and professional lives, and in situations where we have to maintain a fairly strict separation between kink involvement and our everyday lives, so carving out time for VRF work is challenging at times!

I look forward to seeing folks on the VRF website and Discord community soon!