#princess of kama

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

They're so cute...

[arcdiris]

Update!

Thank you so much for the kind comments on the charms! 😭💖

They are done! I'm only waiting for the clasps to arrive and then five of each will be up on the store. This would be the FGO charms posted, the twst rabbit event ones, a reprint of the twst cake charms and a Princess Tutu one!

After the october con I will also add any leftovers so keep an eye out! :3

[tamara-kama]

Here's a view from the Kama Arcade you don't see every day.. it's from the side of the Ms. Pac-Man machine

[astrolovecosmos]

The 5th House + Romantic Themes/Tropes

Aries in the 5th House: Knight or hero saving their damsel in distress, competitor suitors, "bad boy/bad girl" with "nice guy/girl" dynamics, queen/princess saving the king/prince, a hard to catch chase, red roses and red lipstick, athlete or warrior connected love story, second chance love stories, couple vs. nature or unknown as they pioneer a new frontier, lingerie, things move fast, "no one else like you", fated lovers, lover's quarrels, innocent love, first loves, love at first sight.

Taurus in the 5th House: Worshipping each other's bodies, making love in nature, paradise themes, fancy venues, luxury, secret prince/billionaire stories, Cinderella-like stories, seduction, sensuality, aphrodisiacs, massages, the fastest way to their heart is through the stomach, willpower, ugly duckling themes, silk and cashmere, kisses on the neck, serenading, rose petals on the bed.

Gemini in the 5th House: Friends to lovers, pretend relationship tropes, sexting, online dating stories, pen pal lovers, long distance relationships, romantic academia, coffee dates, study dates, eloquence, unexpected softness, talking dirty, rivalries to lovers, Kama Sutra, twists and turns, love letters, vocalness, teasing, arguments.

Cancer in the 5th House: Old friend or flame love stories - maybe similar to second chances, parent trap themes, moonlight, waterfalls, ocean waves, baths, intimacy in the shower, cuddles, feeling wanted or needed, private or secret lovers, waterbeds, remembering and celebrating important dates like anniversaries and birthdays, sentimental love, nurturing their lover back to health themes, pearls and silver, traditional love themes, Romeo and Juliette, Titanic vibes, homecooked meals or lunches, long hugs.

Leo in the 5th House: Holiday romances or flings, everyone else can see how fated or good they are with someone - but they themselves are oblivious, wine, dance floors, flattery, adoration, gold, luxury, sex on the beach, roleplay, hot-blooded passion, romance that involves royalty, center of attention, turns heads, strip tease, mirror on the ceiling, professing undying love, great adventures, drama galore or a love worthy of the stage.

Virgo in the 5th House: High School sweethearts, devoted lover who does a service or keeps a promise for a dead partner, defending someone's honor or being defended, saving their lover from a bad partner or ex, loyal servant and royalty loves, light tracing, tickling, taking care of someone or nurturing them back to health, sexy outfits, plenty of praise and appreciation, couple's spa day or massage, attentive, caring, the details in love matter.

Libra in the 5th House: Love triangle stories, masquerades, balls, Parisian love stories or themes, opposites attract, wedding related romances (meeting at a wedding or stopping a wedding), lovers against the odds, love potions, star-crossed lovers, matchmaking, sunsets, pastels, clouds, rivals or enemies to lovers but with grace or focus on making peace, sensual moments, biting lips, charm counts for something, perfume, candles, oils, flower petals, champaign, strawberries or cherries, feathers, cliche seduction, inspirational love, love and art, love songs.

Scorpio in the 5th House: Enemies to lovers, dark romances, horror and romance, forbidden love, secret romances, "if I can’t have you, nobody will", vampires, magic or the occult, Phantom of the Opera, passionate kisses and touch, lingerie, naked, bondage, power, vulnerability, jealousy or possessiveness themes, leather, being by or in water, strong taste and fragrances, avenging your hurt or dead lover or being avenged, dark fantasies, secluded romantic places, overcoming fears or challenges together, psychology, villains and heroes, transformative love stories.

Sagittarius in the 5th House: Lovers from very different cultures or backgrounds, eloping, loveable rogue themes, fish out of water stories, deep thoughts and discussions, speed dating, daredevils and calling bluffs, adventure, "I can show you a whole new world", exotic romantic places, escaping with your lover, hotel rooms, casino or game nights, learning together, discovering something new about their lover frequently, lucky to find each other, free-spirited love, surprises and passion.

Capricorn in the 5th: Force proximity stories, love that grows or takes time, time-travel romance, historical romances, secret romances, age gap themes, gothic themes, consistency, lotion and oils, romantic music, power dynamics, fine wine, wealth and luxury, secret prince/billionaire stories, earthy and erotic, punishment and submission themes, respect and grace, powerful libidos, leather, antique or fine jewelry, beautiful crystals or gems, great smiles or teeth, unique bouquets, careful lovers.

Aquarius in the 5th House: Sci-fi romance themes, unconventional dynamics or roles, time-travel romance, beautiful minds and/or beloved geniuses, light touch, substances to enhance experiences or feelings, incense or candles, anything goes, the unexpected, unique gifts or romantic gestures, romance that shows how much their lover knows them, rebel lovers, acceptance, deep talks, mind melds, fetishes, spiritual and/or mental challenges, unique beauty, each partner doing their own thing, their lover being the only one to arouse passion in them or vice versa.

Pisces in the 5th House: Running to catch up to their lover at the airport, amnesia related love stories, hopeless romantic, poetry, daydreaming, soulmates, finding a muse or being one, kissing in the rain, foot massages, love songs, satin sheets, skinny dipping, oysters, champagne, roses, making fantasies come to life, eternal promises and fidelity, loving life and love, overly idealistic love stories, fairytales, healing themes, intuitive lovers or psychic connections.

[yanderestarangel]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐊𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐌𝐊11 | 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐘!𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐆𝐄

♡‧₊˚✧˖° request from: @little-bug-butt ♡‧₊˚✧˖°

A/N: I love this Johnny Cage- he's so dilf I'm very simp for him, I hope you like the post dear, thanks for the idea! PS: sorry tagging your @, my tumblr simply deleted my draft with your request <3

TW: age gap, afab reader, praise, smut, nsfw, v!sex, oral ( f!re ), sugar daddy concept, semi public sex, daddykink, degradation kink, blowjob, dirty talk, anal, sex!toys, power play, sub!reader, dilf!johnny, sexual positions/kama sutra, rec!sex, no pronouns used other than 'you', spoilers about the canon line of mk11, little angst.

♡ - After Sonia's death Johnny was lonely and a little too mentally shaken, Cassie was living her own life - even though he was still her father, she needed her own time to work and meet new people, unfortunately, the man It became increasingly lonely, so he decided to use some old contacts and discover the 'sugar daddy' concept - he would be reluctant at first when using the site, he clicked through several profiles, until he found yours - which caught his attention practically immediately, your beauty and interests, you seemed like a great company for him, and he stayed for approximately an hour asking if he should call you in the chatbox or not, he looked more like a scared teenager than a 50+ year old ex Hollywood actor.

♡ - But he took courage and finally started a chat with you - and to his relief, you were an extremely sweet and friendly person to him, the poor man had all his hopes up, you stayed talking for hours, in calls and text messages. Cage really wanted to meet you soon, but you wanted a little more time for both of you to get to know each other better. He would be a little impatient about having to wait a few weeks to take you to dinner, but finally, you agreed to go with him, and he was definitely very nervous.

♡ - Johnny chose the best suit he had, accentuating his muscles and applying a perfume with a strong citrus essence, fixing his hair with gel and proudly showing off the side gray strands that insisted on appearing more every day - not that he cared, after all, he knew you were a hot dilf - he bought the best limousine he could get and met you at the restaurant door; He had brought a bouquet of flowers, your favorites - he wrote down everything the two of you talked about, and all your likes and dislikes, it wasn't that difficult to get your favorite color right. "-You're even more beautiful in person (Y/N)... I hope we get along well tonight." Johnny said smiling as he offered you the gift, you could see the slight blush on his face but he looked away, taking you inside the luxurious restaurant - which he rented that night just for the two of you -

♡ - Dinner was going well, but Johnny was trying to control himself as much as possible. You were a beautiful person, your smile lit up the darkest corners of the fighter's soul, you even showed solidarity when he spoke about his wife's death, placing your hands on top of his, in a gesture of support and half a dozen sincere words and kind... That made Johnny smile for the first time in lonely years. The problem was also focusing on being a gentleman, his dick was pulsing and it was sore in his pants, damn, he really wanted to have a romantic dinner and not have sex on the first date, but with every sweet look you gave him, he made the older man feels his own shaft getting harder. He quickly pushed those thoughts away - especially the ones that projected images created of you sitting on his dick, with his hands wrapped around your neck - and focused on making your night good and enjoyable, and yes, obviously he's going to pay the bill. dinner regardless of your protests, he wants to treat you like a prince/princess, but luckily for you, he was a man who gave in to desires very quickly.

♡ - Johnny guided you to the limo - opening the door for you, he gestured for you to enter first, before entering himself. The interior was lavishly decorated with luxurious seating, a stocked bar, and a huge TV screen mounted to the ceiling - it all started with innocent, shy touches, but anticipation and desire hung in the air between the two of you, the movie star's voice rising. mixed with the wine you were drinking, while Cage's warm, veiny hand found your thigh, massaging it lightly with circular movements, then, as you talked again about the terms of the 'suck' relationship, you cheekily called him "daddy" and that was the end of Johnny's sanity. Reaching out, he grabbed his wrist and pulled it tightly towards his hardened member, pressing into his pants. "-Do you feel how eager I am for you? Fuck baby... I really wanted to be a gentleman, but you drive me crazy, do you want that too? I swear I won't force you into anything." And when you agreed, he just grunted in response as he ordered the driver to speed up and close the access window between you and the front of the limo.

♡ - Johnny pulled your clothes down in one quick movement, revealing your chubby and shaved pussy to his hungry eyes. It was even more perfect than he imagined – tight and begging for attention. "-You're mine now, baby boy/baby girl.." he moaned softly, his breath hot against your flushed skin. As if reading your mind, he pulled out his own cock from his pants, letting it spring free—a thick, veiny member coated in precum, ready for action. "-Now, spread your legs wider for me dear, open that pussy wide for daddy..." he commanded gruffly, his eyes ablaze with lust. The limo rocked back and forth on its suspension as he pounded into you relentlessly, his large hands firmly gripping the seats above your head.

♡ - That was your first date and your first sex, even though you insisted that he didn't need to give you gifts after sex, he insisted again - and this also happened after the first date, with Johnny cumming between your breasts and then you giving a kiss on the forehead and a swarovski emerald necklace, with a satisfied and even probably passionate smile on his face. His gifts are very expensive, if you want an imported car he will buy it for you right away, if you want to go to a parade on the other side of the world for a brand you like... He will find a way to put you in front row and with enough money in your account for you to buy more than enough exclusive pieces, the most futile luxury he could give you. But in the end, what he really wanted was your company, he wanted your affection and nights of laughter and silly conversations together while jazz played in the background of his mansion, maybe some slow, lazy sex after a long day, with him listening your moans and high-pitched squeals in his ear.

♡ - He is a very sexually active man, so expect to fuck him in various positions, some of them being: 'Bandoleer', 'The Grip', 'Afternoon Delight', 'The Clasp', 'The Curled Angel', 'The Plow', 'The Snail'. Johnny also has daddykink - so he will always want you to call him 'daddy' or 'my lord' or any power nickname, he will praise you while he fucks your pussy, especially if you ride on his face moaning and getting a dumb, trembling mess of pleasure because of him. "-Yes baby- fuck- no no, you're not going to cum yet ok? That was our agreement my angel, you're only going to cum when daddy lets you, otherwise I won't give you my card this weekend.." He would moan loudly against your clit, making you squirt on his face and making him cum without even penetrating you, staining the sheets of semen beneath both of you. "-Holy Fuck- boy/girl... You know daddy is going to punish you now, don't you?"

♡ - He spreads money notes on the mattress, a proof of how much he can spend monetarily on you, how powerful he is, while sticking his thick shaft in your holes "-Is that what you like little slut? Being my whore? My exclusive whore." - anal is also included, Johnny will buy anal plugs/vibrators and force you to go to dinners and events with the sex toys inside you controlling every high or medium vibration in your body, whispering dirty talk in your ear. "-Beg me to take that vibrator out of your little dear hole... And maybe I can fuck you right here." This would end with him thrusting into you once again inside the bathroom where the event was taking place, grabbing your face tightly and forcing you to look in the mirror, while his balls hit your clit painfully. "-Look at yourself honey, see how daddy Johnny can destroy that pretty pussy" a slap was given hard to your ass, making you arch even more towards him. "-Take all of this, like the good boy/good girl you are."

♡ - Johnny also loves blowjobs, especially in semi-public places, every time you guys go to buy you some clothes... It ends with you kneeling in front of him, with dollar bills spread across your cleavage while he recorded every gag you made it hit his member. "-Smile for the camera little prince/princess, you look beautiful while sucking my dick like a desperate slut." He would definitely cum on your face and take a photo to put on your wallpaper, in addition to spoiling you like hell that day. But aside from the sex and shopping and luxuries - Johnny really liked you, he really fell in love with you beyond being a sugar baby and a sugar daddy - and you could see it in his eyes every time you hugged each other and lay in the pleasant silence of the night. However, he was too afraid of expressing himself and ruining everything... Just keeping track of your sugar daddy for a long time, maybe, someday he would have the courage to tell you his true feelings for you.

©YANDERESTARANGEL 2023

[ladylaviniya]

Sir Sherlock Holmes & The Indian Princess MasterList

शर्लक बाबू और भारतीय राजकुमारी

Story Summary: It's 1890 in the height of the British Raj occupation of India you are unexpectedly hired as the housekeeping attendant of Detective Sherlock Holmes. The mystery he must solve is the death of his best friend's parents. Cultural differences might bring you closer than ever before.

Pairing: Sherlock Homes x Newalkar!reader

Story Warnings: 18+ Dead Dove Do Not Eat, Dubious Consent, Dark!Content, Kama Sutra, Religion, Religious Icons, Murder, Poison, Death, implied Genocide, Racial Discrimination, Loss of Virginity, Loss of Innocence, Rough Sex, Humiliation, Kink, Sword fights, Outdoor Sex, Age Gap, Royalty, Generational Trauma, Daddy Issues, Internalised Misogyny, Sexism, Vaginal Sex, Oral Sex, Spanking.

Author Notes:

★The Reader character goes by the last name Newalkar and is the daughter of Damodar Rao Newalkar → the adopted son of Rani Laxmibai. I must advise this story is pure fiction but based in the occupation of the British Raj that invaded and Colonised India.

★This story may contain scenes that provide a "White Saviour" theme. The reader is a strong character but Sherlock does have white privilege.

★I am a White European/Australian woman, I apologise for any cultural or historical inaccuracies. I am receiving help from online sources and desi Tumblr mutual @livesinfantasyland and I heavily encourage other Indian/South Asian/Desi readers to share their thoughts, constructive criticism and help as I write this story.

★I would like to express the knowledge that I do not approve or perform of any of the actions the characters of this fanficition demonstrate.

★This story is not fit for every viewers eyes and it will be glorifying acts of trauma and of characters that shouldn't be in reality.

★If you do not wish to see this content please block #SHTIP (scroll and you'll find it is the first tag.)

★This story might be alarming and severely upsetting for people who have had experiences with racial discrimination, misgonistic sexism, religious trauma and sexual coercion.

★If you'd like to be included in or removed from the Taglist, please comment below

★Chapter List★

Chapter 1 - Word Count: 6k

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★Helplines★:

If you are a victim of sexual abuse, assault or domestic violence or know someone who is please reach out to these links that share helpline services, phone numbers or emails. Consent and respect is important in every relationship whether between friends, family or even strangers.

Australian Helpline Services

UK Helpline Services

American Helpline Services

India Helpline Services.

[agent-barnes40]

An angst request please! Reader suddenly breaks their betrothal to Daemon, Viserys, Aegon, and Aemond, which breaks the guys' hearts. Only for the guys to later find out it's because Otto threatened them too (because he hates Daemon/he wants Viserys to marry Alicent/he thinks Reader isn't good enough for his grandkids)

This is my third time writing this. I forgot to save it, sorry Kama!

TW: Otto Hightower. Death due to Childbirth, threats. I'm sorry for us stealing your man, Aemma.

High Valyrian in italics followed by English is the word's English translation.

Daemon Targaryen

Daemon was on cloud nine and then suddenly you were gone, off to be betrothed to one Harwin 'Breakbones' Strong

He knew the two of you were good, so he broke tables and flipped them over when he found out.

He's upset and trying to determine why Harwin took you away from him. It wasn't until your betrothal gathering that did he finally find out why

"My prince! Thank you for coming! I didn't expect to see you here!" You called, rushing over to him, a tight smile on your face. You reached for his hand only for him to clasp his hands together. "I have that book you wanted, last time we talked, Prince Daemon."

Daemon nodded and gestured forward. "Lead away, pykagon perzys little shit."

You lead the way, putting your arms behind your back, mimicking Daemon even now, even when you two weren't seeing each other.

"The hand gave the access to get this. I don't know when I was barred to get books, but I got it." You told him, grabbing the wrapped book and handing it to the prince. "I can't wait to read it with you, Daemon."

That's when Daemon realized it wasn't your choice to leave him. It was that cunt Otto. It was him that gave you to Harwin. Daemon presses a hand to your shoulder before leaving, one hand tight on the mysterious book you gave him and the other on the pommel of Dark Sister.

He was going to get you back, damn his brother and his cunt of a wife.

King Viserys Targaryen

Viserys was still grieving the loss of the life he wanted with Aemma when he met you, a lovely person at court who mourned the late queen and prince with him.

He was waiting next to the council room doors when you rushed passed, a group of ladies surrounding you. "Y/n? May I have a word with you?"

You stopped and gestured to the ladies to continue walking. "Yes, my grace, what is it?" You looked up at him, a small smile on your face.

"What's been happening?" He asked, trying to not seem intrusive. Your eyes grew sad and looked away. "I am preparing for my marriage, to Jason Lannister, my king. The Hand arranged it with my parents and Ser Jason."

Viserys face fell. "That means you are leaving the keep."

"Yes, it is, my king. I am sorry." You said, feeling bold and squeezing his hand. "I will write every day, my king. I shall miss our friendship."

And then, you were gone.

Aegon Targaryen II

Aegon had kept a lover after he and Heleana married, you were welcome to interact with his children and his wife as you wanted until Rhaenyra and her bastards came to The Keep. Aegon kept an eye on you until Daemon and Rhaenyra had latched onto you since they had arrived. You were taken by them, hook, line, and sinker. You had fallen in love with the Heir and older Prince.

You were packing that night after the dinner and Aegon caught you. "Where are you going?" He asked and you looked up. "The Princess asked me to help care for her children. I took the job, I'll also be helping Prince Joffrey in Dragonstone." You responded, pushing the trunk closed before calling for a maid. Aegon put his hand on your shoulder. "And why are you leaving me?"

"Because I'll have a better life there! A life without hiding, Aegon!" You shouted and looked him in the eye. "I want to love and not hide, my prince."

And you were gone, and the next he heard of you, was when he sent his Grandsire to Dragonstone, to find a way to fix this "great" house and to get you back.

When Otto returned, he was greeted with no you but a letter given to Otto

"My Aegon, I must admit I left abruptly, but I have to confess something. I've been in love with her grace and the prince since I first saw them. I have married them in the way of your house. I am sorry." Was what he read and he tore the letter apart.

Aemond Targaryen

Aemond didn't want a Baratheon girl, he wanted you. And you were suddenly set to marry a lord from House Beesbury. It was to correct Ser Cole's accident and to tie the House back to the side of The Greens. Aemond knew of this and pushed on his mother's and grandsire's boundaries.

He wanted you, and only you. So he set to have you. You two were friends since your birth, and thus as children, you vowed to only have each other in your beds and hearts. Day in and Day out, Aemond sat in with the council and bargained certain things, until finally, he noticed his mother sigh. "It would be better to tie their house to ours than House Beesbury! We have been together since their birth and you want to deny us this?"

"You are betrothed to one of Boris' girls, you need to stop seeing them." Otto snapped and Aemond rose up, his hand on the table. "I have only agreed myself to one person in this world, and it is them. Now do you want your spare to be sitting here, waiting for the day war comes and he leaves his wife, to fight? or do you want another person on Rhaenyra's side just so he can marry the person he loves? Cause those are my terms. I shall be waiting." Aemond pulled a paper out of his pocket and let it drift onto the table before walking out of the small council room. It was said that Vhagar arrived at Dragonstone that night with The Prince Aemond and his lover, swearing fealty to the Black Queen.

[mandalorianhistorian]

expanded universe mando females vs Disney Mando females a short post on actual diverse women vs lazily written my thoughts

(little reminder EU mando culture was written by a women and disneys and clone wars was written by a man)

what makes a mandalorian women in the expanded universe

calling A mandalorian woman, weak or small, is a huge insult to them, so start running if you can. Mandalorian women come in all kinds of ways, human, alien, any shape, height, etc., but for them, strength, honor, and loyalty are of the utmost regard. Mandalorian women do the same as their fellow men, equal in all parts of Mandalorian life. Women of the Manda can raise children adopted or born by themselves or with a partner. Mando women do look after their home wherever the nomads may travel next and raise their kids, but that responsibility isn't just for women; their partner must always help, regardless of species or sex. Mandalorian women are feared by many, especially by their own brothers. Mandalorian men are not scared by many things, but Mandalorian women terrify them Deeply. Mandalorian women in Mando society and culture are the same as the men. We have many moments in the books, games, and comics with amazing women. There are too many to name, but the most known would be Shae Vizla, Mirta gev, Rav Bralor, Parja Bralor. The stories that have these women are amazingly written by many authors but mainly Karen traviss.

why the Disney mandalorian women are not the same as EU mando women

the mandalorian women of Disney do not have the same values or honor as the EU mandalorians instead they seem to have a system that has royalty and hierarchy which was never present in the EU and lets not forget Disney seems to have death watch and the pacifists as the main vocal point when in the EU we have many different groups but Disney mandao women seem to have no value of equality and work. When we do see them they seem angry bitter hostile and just nasty to mandalorian men and the main one we have seen the most is bo katan and by god that women is not fit to be a mandalorian apparently shes the princess which is like how on earth do nomads go to that but that's a topic for another day but it seems Disney has also forgotten alien mandalorian women we see quit a few in the expanded universe. it really just baffles me how terrible their female mandos are. Mandalorian culture has been diverse, and they took it 50 steps back in modern Disney star wars.

difference in Armour non gendered and gendered

The armor in Mandalorian culture is shaped in many ways, but men and women do not have a certain design fixated on them in the expanded universe; they can share the same look or wear any design armor shape, Kama cloak jetpack with their armor, or any other add-on they want for themselves.

expanded universe Armour

the armor of the EU Yes, there is way more in SWTOR, so many helmets and gear, but men and women both wear them; there is no special so-called lady armor for female Mandalorians.

Disney Armour

For Disney Mandalorian women, they seem to all have the same helmet design; however, it is only seen on female Mandalorians putting on a gendered look, which is utterly silly for this culture.

thanks for reading :3 this is just my view as i grew up with Karen traviss writing and work so seeing it destroyed just makes me sad so these are just my quick thoughts.

[scavengerssuccotash]

10 Smutty Clintasha headcanons that keep me up at night

Clint loves eating 🐱 and it’s a point of pride for him that he’s exceptionally good at it. Much like his namesake he never misses—he knows he hit his mark when Natasha’s legs start to shake beneath his hands.

Natasha and Clint are quickie pros. This is really so self explanatory that I feel like I don’t even have to explain it. Phil’s office however is strictly off limits, everywhere else is fair game.

Natasha doesn’t particularly enjoy giving head but there’s something so intoxicating about watching a man with such infinite patience fly apart at the seams. Clint gets a semi every-time she wears red lipstick.

Natasha is usually awake before Clint in the morning, a holdover from her Red Room days. One morning she was simply too tired to get out of bed and Clint ended up waking her up in the most delicious of ways. She stays in bed more and more lately and Clint is more than happy with that arrangement.

Variety is the spice of life and this certainly extends to their bedroom. They’ll try almost anything once, but enthusiastic consent is always king. Sometimes just talking about the main event is considered foreplay for both of them. Afterwards they discuss while they cuddle. They both have shit from the past that’s better left there than the bedroom.

Begging is a given what with Clint’s preternatural wells of restraint and patience. Natasha gives it as good as she gets though. Alls fair in love and war…and the bedroom. Her favorite memory is of Clint begging while she made him watch her bring herself off.

They both have their favorite positions. Clint likes it when Natasha’s on top, and Natasha likes it from behind. Being as flexible and fit as they are though, they’re steadily working their way through the Kama Sutra. Page 34 is next.

Clint’s a master at setting the scene. He’s deceptively good at reading Natasha’s body language. He knows when she wants it hard and fast and when she wants it nice and slow. For the nice and slow he really goes out of his way to spoil her. Red wine, home cooked meal, a hot bath with candles and her favorite products. For the hard in fast, well he knows every book and cranny of SHIELD anyway. It’s not hard to pull her into a dark corner and make good on his promise to make her scream.

Natasha loves Clint’s hands, callouses and all. He’s gotten her off so many times by just touching her and letting her enjoy the shiver-inducing contrast of his bow-roughened fingers against her soft sensitive skin. They are a prominent feature in all of her late night fantasies. His arms too. Clint sends her photos of his hands and arms when they are apart on missions-his version of sexting. She keeps an album on her phone.

They both love being vocal for each other. Clint loves the way his can get Nat to chant his name and Natasha loves hearing his praise whispered hotly into her ear. They switch languages often, something Natasha never thought she would find sexy until Clint called her princess in Arabic. He likes to encourage her too, whispering his praise and urging her to give him at least one more before he will let himself get off.

Feel free to add your own you filthy animals 😉

[paranoid-rhythm]

「Chaldea Treasure Hunting!」Kama Edition (Translation)

Kama: Are you sure you're ready for the consequences of choosing me?　

Please wake up, lord knight! 

Guda: What's with this dating sim-like scenario?!

Kama: What's wrong, lord knight? Don't tell me, you forgot what our goal is? We're going to take back the Sammohana Castle that was taken over by the Demon King! 

W-what is it?!

Guda: This overwhelming dating sim vibes...! Fine then, let’s roll with it!

Guda: Princess Knight, banzai! Kama-sama has a perfect, 100 point score!

Kama: W-what are you saying, are you half asleep?! J-just follow me and let's head for the castle!

...............

Kama: W-we're surrounded! Get out of our way! Hyaa! Nooo! Let go of me! 

Draco: Haaahahaha! I've finally caught you! ’Tis I, the only one worthy of this throne! You noble knight over there! If you want to take the princess back, come and face me in the castle!

Kama: Lord kniiiiiiiiight!!!

Guda: G-give back the princeeeeess!!!

...............

Draco: I've been waiting. I am... the Consort of the Demon King, Draco! 

Kama: Lord knight! You shouldn't come any further! 

Draco: You small human, if you wish for me to return this castle, don’t try to convince me— prove to the princess that you are the one that's truly worthy of her!

Kama: Just what are you trying to make the esteemed knight do?! 

Draco: Seek your desire, no, your love! Now, present your merits, and use your love to convince her!

Kama: H-huuuh?! That's different from what we've talked about!

Guda: The time for me to give it all out has come, huh...

Guda: I want to protect it! I want to corrupt it! That smile! 

Kama: What the hell is thiiiis!!!

Guda: NNNNNNN!!! That outfit... Excites me! (Copying Douman)

Guda: Princess Kama is the best! The lone flower that ignites my chivalry!

Kama: M-Master... s-stop this alreadyー... 

Guda: I don't want anyone but Kama!

Kama: M-Master you... You big idiooot!!!

...............

Draco: What an overwhelming percentage of desire… I’m thoroughly satisfied. Fine, it's your win. We’ve even managed to capture footage of the “Chaldea Summer Special, Too Gullible! Princess Knight” that the New Director and the others wanted.

Kama: Wasn't it supposed to end when the Master gets in here?! I wasn't aware that you'll go this far!!! 

Draco: I can see that you're not entirely displeased though? Oh that's right, God of Love, here's the promised item. Very well, farewell then.

Kama: Huh... Huuuuuh?! You tricked me, didn't you! This Holy Grail is just made of stone! My plan to scare the Master with a ghost and rendezvous with them has been ruined... Ahem!

M-Master? You really just said whatever you wanted, huh? I-it made me happy though... 

There's no one else here so, w-what would you like to do?

Guda: Then, do you want to experience the daily life of a princess and a knight here? 

Kama: F-fine, it can't be helped then... For you to become my slave, what an idiot you are. 

May the summer time with only the two of us, last forever. 

[redwolf17]

Olyvar/Sansa are both wholesome AND deranged and I love them

Olyvar, 5 seconds after meeting Sansa: sure why not risk my life for her that’s totally normal EVERYONE should volunteer to defend innocent maidens who verbally annihilate Tywin Lannister to his face so what if I’m just a squire and secretly Aegon Targaryen nope don’t think about that

Olyvar: promptly almost dies fighting the Mountain

Sansa: accidentally saves his life by summoning attack birds

Sansa the next day: my unexpected champion has barely survived his trial by combat with the Mountain! I’m gonna try eldritch song magic that I barely understand to heal his crushed arm

Olyvar: has a violent nightmare

Sansa: flees

Olyvar: does not notice his suspiciously fast healing

Olyvar: it is extremely normal to have a marriage proposal be my ONLY idea to save this helpless child from Cersei

Olyvar: EW I’m not going to deeply kiss her at the wedding, that’s a BABY why does everyone think this is a love story??? Also let me make terrible puns to try to comfort the terrified bride NO we are not doing a bedding?!?? drags Sansa to his rooms

Sansa: starts to strip

Olyvar: NONONONO flings cloak over her uhhhh if anyone is listening I’m too drunk to consummate we’ll do that uhhhh never later BYE BYE *flees*

Sansa: …..

Sansa: okay, so, rather than flee my unwanted and possibly a pedophile husband the instant we’re out of the city and I smell Brienne nearby, what if I COME OUT OF THE WEREWOLF CLOSET AND THREATEN HIM WITH A PACK OF WOLVES

Olyvar: 😳🥺 oh wow she’s scary and cool and justified tbh, if she murdered me she’d have a point too bad I can’t tell her my secret, nope, don’t blab, don’t blab —*immediately blabs*

Sansa: wait you’re ELIA’S SON?!?!?

Olyvar: … oops

Olyvar: doesn’t tell ANYONE about the werewolf revelation because that is Sansa’s secret

Brienne: SO. Time to flee north, yeah?

Sansa: no Brienne I’m not going home to Robb, I gotta meet Princess Elia because WTF

Olyvar: okay so my baby wife is just another sister. Clearly that means I gotta watch over Sansa night/day, make sure she’s properly fed/protected from sunstroke, comfort her with lullabies when she has trauma nightmares

Sansa: oh no he makes terrible puns, why am I laughing??? Mmm citrus and blithely sharing my heinous trauma whilst being confused when Olyvar goes 😨😳

Elia: so yeah my son needs to go on a mission to Daenerys, claim a dragon if he can, Sansa should probably stay here

Olyvar: excuse me that’s up to HER

Sansa: uhhh, well clearly I can’t go home rn, I gotta go to Meereen to serve as Olyvar’s dragon translator even though it’s unclear skinchanging will let me do that

Elia and Meria: wait serve as his what

Sansa: … he didn’t tell you??? I’m a werewolf and I can talk to animals no big deal

Elia and Meria: ?!!?!?!?!?!!!!!??

Robett Glover: Sansa is clearly being held in Sunspear against her will despite her apparent freedom and good humor. I shall break into her rooms to rescue her and carry her away!

Gilly: oh no 😱

Olyvar, sleeping in a chair on nightmare duty: oh NO 😳

Sansa, seeing Robett threaten to kill Olyvar: OH NO 🤬

Sansa: turns into a direwolf and tackles Robett before shifting back so she can yell at him for not believing her

Robb, receiving letters from Robett and Sansa explaining she’s going to Meereen: ….. wtf is happening

Sansa and Olyvar in Meereen: wow, what an amazing friend/partner who supports me and balances my strengths/weaknesses. Too bad we can’t stay married

Olyvar and Sansa: … UNLESS

promptly fall in love

spend 3 years openly pining and angsting over the political implications

Dornish retinue: drop constant hints that are less and less subtle

Dany: gives Sansa a sheer muslin negligée

Aegor: gives Olyvar a Yunkish Kama sutra

Olyvar and Sansa: still refuse to have sex

Olyvar: Sansa is my closest confidant, of course she will come with me on a dragonback road trip to track down Drogon. NO we’re not gonna do THAT whilst we’re alone and unchaperoned come on it’s not like we’re deeply in love

Everyone: deep sigh of frustration because they actually believe him

Sansa: falls off Viserion

Olyvar: leaps into the Rhoynar from dragonback to save Sansa from drowning

Sansa: I am literally BEGGING you to join me in bed 🥺

Olyvar: WHOOPS look at the time goes to sleep with Viserion instead

Olyvar to Deziel: goes on about his love for Sansa at length, rather poetically But we can’t consummate the marriage, what if Robb Stark is mad??? What if our love is a political disaster like that of Jaime and Cersei???

Deziel: dude, you’re a fucking moron

Several months later, Sansa to Brienne: but what if Olyvar is right???

Brienne: my lady, you’re a moron

Sansa: …

Sansa: goes to yell at Olyvar

Olyvar: escapes being yelled at by being knocked overboard by a sudden squall

Sansa: is terrified of falling and drowning

Also Sansa: turns into a wolf, leaps off a ship into the Narrow Sea to save Olyvar from drowning

The next morning: Olyvar and Sansa wake up naked together because she cuddled him in wolf form to prevent hypothermia and no other ulterior motives. Sansa puts on the negligée and reads him the riot act. Olyvar gets on his knees to pledge his love by saying wedding vows again. They FINALLY have sex, only to find out the crew was placing bets on when they’d bang and Gilly won.

… they shrug it off and have sex 24/7 for a week

—————

*art of our beloved weirdos by @ohnoitsmyra

[talonabraxas]

Madana Gopala “God of Love” Talon Abraxas

The form of Krishna known as Madanagopala is to be found in the sculptural programme of several Vaishnava temples of the Vijayayanagara era (fourteenth to eighteenth century) in southern India and, in particular, Tamil Nadu.

Madana is sweet enchantment, the seducer of the mind, and Gopala is the youthful herder of cows. In this form, Krishna has absorbed and subsumed the qualities of the god of love and sexual passion, Manmatha or Kama. The heats of lust and infatuation have been transformed into the rich rasa of transcendental love. Madanagopala sweetly sings and plays His flute, calling all to approach this exalted disposition – entering His world of luscious, enlightened duality where manifest form is the scintillating vibration of His eternal love play.

Madanagopala may be ten- or eight-armed and is depicted standing or seated upon a hexagon. As well as His flute, He carries various implements. Starting at the deity’s top right is the solar discus or chakra, the elephant goad/hook (ankusa) and then the flower arrow. From the top left, he holds the sacred conch (sankha), the three corded noose (pasa), and the sugarcane bow (ikshukodanda). The flower bow and arrow are both implements normally carried by Kama and his consort Rati, the goddess of pleasurable sensual enjoyment. Here, however, they are depicted as devotees of the Lord and they offer a garland of wild flowers from all seasons (vanamala). The single arrow held by Madanagopala is representative of Kama’s five powerful arrows of desire, each arrow representing a unique aspect of passion: excitement (unmadana), heat (tapana), drying up (sosana), paralyzing of normal bodily functions (stambhana) and full infatuation (sammohana).

The god of sensual love, Kama, is known by various epithets – Manmatha, Kandarpa, Madana, and Mara. Here He is shown on Krishna’s right. He holds aloft his standard – the makara banner from which Kama gets the additional name of Makaradhvaja, meaning that his flag is marked with the makara. It is symbolic of potent creation and fertility. Kama’s skin colour (nupura) is red, though variant forms are green or golden yellow. His father is Vishnu. The most famous mythological episode involving Kama is his having been burnt to ashes by Siva, whose meditation Kama had sought to disturb. Kama went on to be reborn as Krishna’s son, Pradyumna. He has two consorts, Priti (delight) and Rati (pleasure).

Rati is depicted on Madanagopala’s left. She is the daughter of Daksa Prajapati and her presence is likened to the youthful unfoldment of Vasant (spring) and with it, the longing in all nature for procreation. She is exceedingly attractive and well versed in seductive arts. Her hair is piled up into an elaborate ornamental knot (kesabandha), secured with a golden band decorated with fresh spring leaves and flowers. These impressive south Indian coiffures are to be seen on the figures of queens, princesses and high-ranking temple patrons.

As a pair, Kama and Rati are carved on pillars leading to the garbha griha. Their animal vehicles (vahanas), the goose, swan or parrot, are interchangeable. Lovely forms can be seen in the 17th century marriage hall (kalyana mandapa) in Kanchipuram’s Varadaraja temple. Outstanding even in the superlative world of Vijayanagara sculptural art are the splendid examples in Sri Villiputtar’s Andal temple complex. Here Rati sits astride a goose, admiring her own reflection in a mirror held aloft in her left hand, while the right holds a kohl stick.

Seated in the center at the bottom of the painting is Vishnu’s chief vahana, Garuda. He is shown as per his description in the Vishnu-dharmottara, with a body the color of an emerald, fierce bulging eyes and an eagle beak. There are many variant forms of Garuda – in North India one does not tend to see Garuda associated with Krishna, however, in the south, it is more frequent. In Vaishnava temples, Garuda is installed in a small shrine facing the garba griha (home of the main deity), or on a high pillar within the temple compound, or just outside the main entrance, as in Puri’s celebrated Jagganath temple.

Forming a canopy over Madanagopala’s head is the lush foliage of a Kalpakataru or wish-fulfilling tree. The tree boasts many types of flowers and fruits and is perpetually in bloom. It is a feature of the god’s celestial realms. Nestled within its foliage are several kili (parrots) and a mayil (peacock). Krishna cherishes both types of bird and is said to have several as pets. Midway to Madanagopala’s right is his favorite tree, the kadamba. It bears small, globular orange/yellow flowers with a beautiful perfume. In season, the flowers are much favoured for use as garlands. Growing at the Lord’s feet are a profusion of flowering sacred tulasi, a plant considered an incarnated goddess. Tulasi leaves are used as offerings to all Vaishnava deities and its wood is favoured for use in malas for mantra sadhana.

The two brown decorative panels at the sides of the arch display kinnaras. The term kinnara translates as something like ‘what are these?’ as they are a bizarre and beautiful com-posite of various creatures, animal, human and divine. They are usually shown playing musical instruments – especially, the veena. Kinnaras have intoxicating siren-like voices, but are aus-picious in nature and loving by disposition. They are often carved in light relief on temple pillars.

Lastly, within the orange border are two decorated friezes of the Vaishnava sectarian marking or Namam. The Namam is worn on the forehead and is typically of two forms (of course, there are variants). The form depicted on the upper strip is the Vadagalai which is U-shaped. The one on the lower strip is the Tengalai which is Y or V shaped. The central stripe between the U or V is known as the Tiruchurnam and is traditionally made of a lime and saffron mix or red ocher. The meaning of the Tiruchurnam is the same as that of the bindu: the whole-ness of divinity and the point of utmost potency from which all manifests. The wearing of the Namam is a highly important preparation for all kinds of ritual action or worship within the Vaishnava fold and is considered to be sanctifying for both the wearer and observer.

[korebringerofded]

Kore's Jujutsu Kaisen Masterlist

I ask that you read my rules before going any further on my page. Reblogs, likes, and comments are always appreciated and keep me going My requests are open and you can find my entire masterlist here.

Type- NSFW= ❤️‍🔥 Angst= ❤️‍🩹 Fluff= 🌈

Characters

Choso Kama

Late Night Talking ❤️‍🔥

Imagine Choso going out for drinks with his brother and coming back craving you. Smut ensues.  

Storms and Coffee ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹

The first time that the half-curse laid his eyes on you he was sure that his heart was going to stop. His two younger brothers were dead and he was honestly just tired, the most tired he had ever been.

Suguru Geto

A Spoonful of Sugar ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹

Suguru falls in love with a cute baker (you) while on his way back from a mission, he quickly becomes obsessed with more than just the sweets you make.

Satoru Gojo

Awe...You Cryin, Princess?❤️‍🔥

Most of the time, Satoru Gojo was the sweetest boyfriend a girl could ever ask for. Other times, he would pull your hair while he fucked into you from behind, your face shoved into his plush sheets as his hard dick fucked into your already cum-filled pussy.

Nanami Kento

Toji Fushiguro

(Aged up) Yujii Itadori

(Aged up) Megumi Fushiguro

Satosugu

Please do not copy, use my work, or put it through AI without my permission or I'll be really sad about it.

[arcsimper5]

Rex walking past the barracks with Cody, shortly after the Battle of Kamino

Rex: What’s that sound?

Cody: Is that... crying?

*through the door of the barracks*

Echo: *crying happy tears* Now do a twirl! Yes, vod, you look so good!

Rex: *perplexed* What the...

Fives: *sobbing* I feel like a Princess!

Cody: *opens the door to find Echo making a holo of Fives twirling around in his new kama*

Cody: ...

Cody: Are you sure it was a good idea to make these guys ARCS?

Fives: I’M A PRETTY PRINCESS!

Rex: *shaking his head* The 212th are looking for new recruits, right?

[vodika-vibes]

Waiting For You

Summary: You have a hard time sleeping without your boyfriend wrapped around you... unfortunately, he's working late.

Pairing: ARC Trooper Jesse x Reader

Words: 974

Warnings: Just fluff

A/N: I must have restarted this a dozen times before I finally decided what I wanted to write and who I wanted to write about.

Divider by saradika

It’s late. Late enough that it’s rolled back around to being early again, and for whatever reason, you’re still awake.

Your eyes are burning, and you should go to bed. You should.

But you don’t want to.

Instead, you focus your gaze on the holo, and try to pay attention to the movie that’s playing. You’re not sure what the plot is, but it’s movement and sound, and it should keep you awake.

Eventually, though, you lose your fight against sleep, and you slowly drift off to sleep on your couch.

You’re woken later, at the feel of warm fingers against your cheek. 

You slowly blink the sleep out of your eyes, and smile tiredly up at the men crouching next to your head, “Jesse, welcome home.”

He brushes your hair out of your face, a warm look in his eyes, “Why are you asleep on the couch, babe?” He asks, his voice soft, like he’s worried about disturbing the peaceful stillness of the house.

“Wanted to wait for you,” You lightly take his hand in your own, and you press a kiss to his gloved hand, “Don’t like sleeping without you.”

“Oh, cyare,” Jesse’s thumb brushes against your lips, “I told you I wouldn’t be home until late,” He reminds gently.

“I know.” You reach out and lightly brush your fingers against his cheek, “I remembered. But I really thought I could wait for you.” You say with a sigh.

You hear his helmet drop to the carpeted floor as he leans in and kisses you, so softly and so sweetly. “Oh, my cyare.” He breathes against your lips, “My beautiful, perfect, silly girl.” He rains feather light kisses across your face, “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know,” You murmur.

He pulls away and scans your face, an adoring expression crossing his face, “I love you, did you know?”

“I did know,” You reach out your arms for him, and let out a happy noise as he pulls you into his arms and stands, as though you weigh nothing to him, “Did you know that I love you too?” You ask as you bury your face against his neck.

“I did know, but I do always love hearing it again.” Jesse teases gently.

You hum, and lightly rap your knuckles against his armor, “You forgot to take your armor off,”

“Didn’t forget,” He corrects as he nudges his helmet out of the way and then walks you into the bedroom, “Saw you sleeping on the couch and got worried.”

“M’ sorry.”

“It’s okay, cyare.” He gently sits you on the edge of the bed, and sighs when you immediately stand up. “Babe-”

“Hmm?”

“You need sleep,” Jesse chides so very gently.

“In a minute,” You murmur in response, your fingers sliding across his armor to slowly remove each piece, one at a time. You set each piece of armor on the bed, to be put away once all of his armor has been removed, “I just want to help.”

Jesse watches, silently, as you deftly remove each piece of his armor. His gaze is locked on your face, and he only stops you when your fingers drift to remove the kama around his hips. His warm hands catch yours, and he brings your joined hands to his lips, “You’re amazing,” He breathes against your soft hands, before he presses a light kiss against your knuckles, “I can handle the rest, cyare.”

You lean against him, “I can draw a shower for you,” You offer softly.

“If you do that,” Jesse warns as he lowers your hands to your sides, and pulls you so you’re flush against him, “I’ll want you to join me in the shower.”

Your eyes glitter at the thought, “Promise?” You ask in a hushed whisper. You smile up at him as indecision wars on his face, you can actually see the internal war he’s having.

“Yeah, princess.” He finally says, “I promise.” He leans in and kisses you, soft and slow, before he slowly releases you, “Go and start the shower, please, cyare.”

You kiss him quickly, twice, and then extract yourself from his grip and step into the fresher. You start the water, and make sure that there are clean towels for both of you.

You consider the shower for a moment, and then you open one of the many drawers in the bathroom, and you pull out a shower melt, and you toss it in the corner of the shower.

The room only just starts to fill with the soothing scent of your favorite melt, as the door opens and Jesse walks in and he shuts the door behind him, and then he smiles at you, “You’re wearing too much, cyare.” he murmurs as he reaches out to you and pulls you against him.

“So are you,” You counter lightly.

“Hm…we should fix that.” Jesse’s hands slide under your shirt as he slowly starts peeling your clothing off, his gaze almost molten as he watches your face. 

“I’m supposed to be taking care of you,” You reply as you lift your arms to help him remove your sleep top.

“We take care of each other,” He corrects as he tosses your shirt into the laundry basket, “That’s what it means to be partners.” His hands slide down your body and settle, gently, on your hips.

You favor him with a warm smile, “I love you.” You whisper.

“Mm…not half as much as I love you.” He replies, as he bumps his forehead against yours, “Once we’re in the shower, I’ll prove it to you.” Jesse adds as his hands flex against your hips.

You giggle and stand on your toes to kiss him, “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Well then,” He grins against your lips, “I’ll just have to do my best to not disappoint.”

[endwithajadestrick]

Who Is Fucking In Star Wars? A Non-Comprehensive List

So in honor(?) of the DDoS attack on Ao3 preventing us all from mainlining slash fic, I've decided to go horny on main and list off my opinion about 3 traits of all Star Wars characters. Our beloved Galaxy Far Far Away is a usually (tragically) chaste place, which may lead us to ponder about our faves:

Do they even know what sex is?

Have they ever actually HAD sex?

Are they any good at it?

We will not be including characters who are minors in this list. Obviously. Judgements are based somewhat on the lore, but really more on vibes. Perhaps it goes without saying, this will be lightly NSFW.

This is probably gonna take a while and stop feeling like a good idea halfway through. Which of your exes does that describe? Let's Go!!!

Starting with the big three:

Han Solo

Always begin with an easy one.

Does he even know what sex is? Yes, unlike a surprising number of people in this galaxy, Han knows how to do the do.

Has he ever had sex before? Sure (but not as often as he wants you to think). Do you, uh . . . maybe wanna get out of here and come back to his ship? She's called the Millenium Falcon.

Is he good at sex? Look. It's not going to be good the first time. He's gonna keep insisting that he "knows what he's doing," but you wish he would just let you explain what you like. He needs to be girlbossed around a little bit. And it is mostly girls for him, though the occasional guy and non-binary being has mounted that loading ramp too. His bedroom does smell kind of funny.

Luke Skywalker

This one may be controversial for some people.

Does he know what sex is? Nope. Farm boy didn't go to schmool. Skool? Am I saying that right? There were no copies of Our Bodies, Our Selves lying around the rebellion base, and you better believe the Sacred Jedi Texts did not include some kind of version of the Space Kama Sutra. Han wasn't gonna draw him a diagram either; that would be too embarrassing. This man is not learned in the pleasures of the flesh.

Has he ever had sex? Also no. He got into some light over-the-clothes action with Biggs Darklighter when they were teens, but nothing ever went any farther than that.

Is he good at sex? I'm sure a real earnest effort would be made, but we'll never know, will we. Because he DOES NOT KNOW what sex is.

Princess/General Leia Organa

Does she even know what sex is? Oh, absolutely. This woman was treated to an actual formal education. She probably even got a nice, progressive version of SexEd that talked about pleasure and consent and not just all the weird diseases you could get--assuming the Empire didn't nix that sort of thing on Alderaan, which, honestly, they might have.

Has she ever had sex? Of course. And despite being a princess, she's not that precious about courtship either. Casual flings are totally fine and normal.

Is she good at sex? Leia is mature but, like her hairstyles, can be a little tightly wound. Once you get over any initial awkwardness, though, it's sure to be a fun flirty time.

And this is Star Wars, so sooner or later we have to address--

Chewbacca

--the aliens of it all. Welcome, monster fuckers! It's not even weird in this universe!

Does he know what sex is? Chewy is canonically 234 years old as of TLJ, so I'm going to give this a definite yes. Also, he hangs out with Han Solo and all the doors in this universe appear to be panel-controlled. There are no door knobs to stick a sock on; he's SEEN some things.

Has he ever had sex? Again, 234 years old, and Chewy has never seemed like a wallflower. This is also a yes.

Is he good at it? Maz Kanata seems to think so? I don't pretend I have the predilections/imagination to get the appeal (though I honor those that do), but I'm gonna take a swing and say, yes, Chewbacca is a good lover. Solid stamina, surprisingly tender after-care.

Lando Calrissian

Does he know what sex is? Yes, and not just on a mechanical level. If anyone in this universe HAS read the Space Kama Sutra, it's Lando.

Has he ever had sex? He has. And he doesn't keep a list of all his past sexual partners because that would be crass. But he COULD tell you about each of them, names, dates, locations. But he won't. But he could.

Is he good at it? Surprisingly, yes! He may come across as a guy who is all talk, but Lando is an artist at heart and the democratically elected President of Consent. He has mood lighting set up and a tastefully curated playlist. The atmosphere is fun, the oral is enthusiastic. When you're done--wow!--there's a mini bar right near the bed. And would you like to borrow a silk robe?

Your magical evening will not prevent him from cheating you at cards later, though.

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Does he know what sex is? No. He learned once, but has since memory-holed the information. Otherwise he might accidentally experience some pleasure from the stick up his bum.

Has he ever had sex? Many beings have made valiant efforts to claim this beautiful man as a conquest. All have failed, but there was much exquisite yearning along the way.

Is he good at it? Hypothetically? Alas, my heart wants to say yes, but my head says no.

Padmé Amidala

Does she know what sex is? Look at this dress. This dress is a CHOICE, a ruthless tactical decision made by someone who definitely knows what sex is.

Has she ever had sex? Yes, but her taste in men--oh, honey.

Is she good at it? A pillow princess if there ever was one. You will be doing all the work.

Anakin Skywalker

Does he know what sex is? No.

Has he ever had sex? Yes.

Is he good at it? . . . and I know those answers seem contradictory, but it's true. This is a man who has had normal, consensual adult sex. However, baby boy's brain is full of more holes than a colander. He is dummy thick actually in the head region. He is incapable of retaining complex thoughts such as the nuances of sexuality.

That said, he is a creature of pure instinct and, like, yeah, the lovemaking is pretty hot.

Mace Windu

Does he know what sex is? Yes.

Has he ever had sex? No.

Is he good at it? If it ever happened, which it won't? No, and Mace is possibly the only Sammy J character for whom this holds true. It would be strictly procreative missionary. No fun allowed.

Yoda

Does he know what sex is? Yes, he is aware. Knowledge is this little frog man's burden; Yoda is too in touch with the Force, the life energy of the universe, not to know. He WOULD not know if he could, but he has had to settle for just ignoring the information.

Has he ever had sex? You know I am genuinely stumped on this one. On one hand, he is the perfect ascetic Jedi sage. On the other hand, a nine hundred year lifespan is a long time . . . anything could have happened to this lilliputian enigma.

Is he good at it? Size matters not.

The Mandalorian

Yeah I know his name is "Din Djarin." Shush.

Does he know what sex is? I'm pretty sure this guy thinks that babies are found, not made. He does not know what sex is.

Has he ever had sex? I don't care what season one implied about Mando and that toothsome twi'lek, it's never happened. The helmet doesn't come off and the trousers don't drop.

Is he good at it? And here's the tragedy of it all, right? Because we know that underneath that impenetrable layer of beskar lies such a man. I don't even care if he's an ace, as seems plausible. Just the chance to look him in the eye would mean worlds.

Finn

Does he know what sex is? Negative, Ghost Rider. It's not something the First Order teaches their child soldiers, and the Resistance, like the rebellion of old, has bigger fish to fry. Poe wants to explain it to him, but feels like he has a dog in that race and it wouldn't be right.

Has he ever had sex? Men, women, and other beings are lining up around the corner for a shot at this man, but he only has eyes for one woman, and she in turn may be legitimately the only person in the galaxy who does not pine for him. Hang in there, Finn! Maybe one day she'll become emotionally available.

Is he good at it? While we have seen Finn makes some selfish moves along his journey--mainly because of, y'know, all the trauma--he has done a lot of growing and is an essentially generous spirit. This gets a yes.

Rey Skywalker

Does she know what sex is? Not in either The Force Awakens or The Last Jedi, but before Rise of Skywalker Leia explained it to her. She's the future of the Jedi after all, and this is basic stuff, goddammit Luke!

Has she ever had sex? Hmm, what's that? Sorry, she's super busy right now with, like, destiny and stuff.

Is she good at it? Rey seems to pick most things up fairly quickly, so you have to imagine that would hold true for l'amour as well, except that she'll also be a bit of a try-hard. Do less, sweety. Really, it's fine.

Lightning Round

Asajj Ventress

Yes, yes, and it depends on the answer to one question: do you enjoy pain?

L3-37

It Works.

Cinta Kaz

Yes, yes, and not just good but so good it will politically radicalize you.

Karis Nemik

No, which is a shame because you know that he would have made sex-positive feminism and queer theory a huge part of his manifesto.

Count Dooku

Gay, and pulled legendary numbers of exquisite vintage ass across the galaxy. It's the real reason Sidious traded him in for simple, pussy-whipped Anakin. He just couldn't take it anymore.

Luthen Rael

Hope you like role-play.

Armitage Hux

Yes, it's true; this man has no dick.

Qi'ra

Yes, yes, and good but maybe in a dangerous way? Like drugs, it's possible that you--maybe even most people--could have a healthy, well-adjusted relationship to it. But there's a chance also that it will alter your brain chemistry, fundamentally shift your priorities, and ruin your life. The only way for sure to be safe is not to try it, not even once!

The Bendu

The One in the Middle. So in this case, would that be, like, the taint?

Reva Sevander

I mean, do you like it freaky? How freaky do you like it? There are levels to this sort of thing, and you, through no fault of your own, may not be ready for this ride.

Cassian Andor

Cassian Andor fucks.

The Armorer

I tried to get a read on this one, and all I picked up was radio static. We'll never know. We'll just never know.

Rose Tico

Rose appears naive at first, but she's actually quite worldly and will rock yours.

Bo-Katan Kryze

I daresay more than 2% of us want her to sit on our face. Ms. Sackoff was really lowballing it. Bo does not know what sex is, however, and is rarely in listening-mode, so that's a hurdle we'll have to overcome.

But it's more than 2%.

Poe Dameron

Yes, yes, and does it even matter? It would be an honor just to be considered, sir.

Hera Syndulla

Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. Apparently what Lola wants is an inexperienced, sexually repressed Jedi hotty. In this way, she is the true queen of Star Wars fandom. Captain our ship, Hera!

And Finally:

Kylo Ren

I do not understand the hold this man has on some of you--which is fine; you don't need me to understand it. He does not know what sex is, he is so horny and angry all the time. And sure, maybe you CAN fix him by completing his education. Blessings, angels. Live your fantasy.

Just promise me you'll use protection? And I don't mean a condom, I mean body armor.