#proud of these because I didn't trace I just looked and copied

[purrlstar]

teaching myself to draw people by copying hunter from screenshots of the owl house because I love a scrungle child

bonus:

[meanbossart]

Some art-advice asks I've been meaning to reply to!

I use Clip Studio Paint Pro, though I'm not sure what tips I could give just in general. Just experiment with new things often, draw as much as your lifestyle allows, watch how other people do their work but try to avoid "Dont do THIS thing ever" type lessons and tutorials. Use as much reference as you'd like and take your time! To this day a simple sketch can still take me several hours to do depending on what it is.

Thank you so much!!! I didn't do any kind of formal art schooling but I've always been inclined towards arts and crafts, and started taking drawing semi seriously when I was about 17 (I'm 27 now). I draw a lot of inspiration from western comics and my favorite artists are jason shawn alexander and sean murphy.

Oh I'm so flattered to hear my stuff's inspired you to take up drawing again, I have a bunch of little crafty hobbies but art is by far the most fulfilling one to me - largely because you're constantly learning and improving.

You're definitely onto something already, I am constantly looking at other people's art (even If it isn't a style I would want to emulate) and analyzing how the pieces come together to create the final product. In my opinion this is pretty much the best way you can go about learning besides real-life reference drawing. You can even take something into your software of choice/print it out and trace it (just to yourself, of course) to get a sense of hand-motion and line use.

As a beginner I think there's no shame at all in taking heavy inspiration from your favorite artists, as long as you aren't straight up copying things and calling them your own. Your personal style Is likely to come out naturally, with time. That's very much how I started myself!

Also, just be patient with yourself, try to have realistic goals for your skill level while simultaneously being proud of everything you do. Even if you absolutely despise a drawing, you still drew something! And even if it doesn't feel that way you most definitely learned from it. Use learning tools and tutorials to whatever point you feel comfortable with but don't get stuck on people's arbitrary rules - unless we're talking about something tangible like real-life application of traditional art tools, things like anatomy, perspective and light are to be referenced from - but It's not the goal to emulate them 100% unless you ARE going for hyperrealism. As someone who uses a ton of reference these days, I can tell you first-hand that I often find myself straying from it on purpose to make a piece look more interesting.

Lastly, draw things you enjoy! Don't let anyone else dictate what you SHOULD be doing and don't fall into the trappings of wanting to stick to one specific style, process, or subject matter.

Good luck!!!

LOL thank you so much for your very evocative compliments! I haven't ever done a timelapse, not that I remember at least. I'm not sure how they work but I do so much of "I'm gonna try this thing 5 different ways and then decide what I like" that I'm not sure how comprehensive that would be LOL

I could put together a process showcase or something though, I feel like that might be better even, since I get to explain a little of what I'm doing through text and display how I use reference. Something to consider!

[diezmil10000]

2023 art summary + thoughts on my own art progress under the cut!!

(template by HedgeCatDragonix on deviantart)

so i've been doing this for 10 years :P

i'm not posting these pics in high quality, they're somewhere on the internet if you want to scavange for a bit. i didn't start taking art seriously until late 2015 and i honestly don't like looking back at old drawings. i still like my 2022 art summary but it wasn't until this year that i'm proud of all my finished artworks.

my art journey is complicated. i'm not one of those artists who can say they've been drawing for all their lifes. i used to trace pokémon in my school agendas but that was it. around 2013, a couple of friends invited me to their Skype server where we used to draw each other's ocs and make art memes and stuff - it was fun and cringe in the most positive way i can say it :] i didn't know shit about art and i took pride in drawing on MS Paint with a mouse just because it was hard.

(all of my drawings until may 2018 were made with a mouse)

when i was 15 yo i got into Love Live! and i decided to get better at art because i didn't want lesbian fanart to be made only by creepy cishet men. at some point i watched this video from Sycra and it rewired my brain. i understood that i needed to actually practise and understand what i was doing, and that i wasn't going to improve just by observing. its follow-up video also helped me a lot, i remember watching it on the day it was posted jskhfdjdfd.

and so fast forward until 2021 approx. i spent all of those years practising drawing in my traditional sketchbooks, so my improvement was steady. the only problem, and in retrospective i see it as a Big Problem, is that i was grinding mindlessly. by that i mean that i copied artists i liked and i drew again and again stuff i was bad at, but i didn't think too deeply about it or analysed my own art to look for faster ways to improve it. i also don't take feedback well so i didn't ask for it either, which further slowed down my progress.

on top of it, that just made me better at drawing, not at illustration. i firmly believe that a good drawing is hard to ruin but i could have made my illustrations way more interesting if i had started going wild with colors and effects way earlier. i don't exactly regret my choices because at the end of the day it's just my hobby, and i've been praised for drawing a lot and for challenging myself to practise drawing traditionally, so i want this to be read as introspection rather than complaints!!

the reason why 2021 was a big change in my art is because in november i did this monstrosity:

i got an Android tablet to be able to draw in class and took the challenge alongside my friend Nico, who also did their own Huevember. hola si estás leyendo esto Nico, aunque lo dudo :) i can't say that any of the drawings made me better at anatomy, or composition, or colors. i can't say that they solidified my knowledge, either. but they planted a seed in my brain that would fully bloom in late 2022, which is the seed of hating the finished result of some pieces so much that i forced myself to improve.

everyone has their own motivation to get better at art and i've always thought that mine was a healthy one (i want to draw more lesbians, that's all). however, i've had a very solid 2023 and now i don't cringe at any of my pieces, plus i can notice any mistakes they have without wanting to delete them from existence - and i could only get there because at the end of 2022 i told myself i wouldn't make any more ugly illustrations. like, period. i didn't want to get anxious every time i had to look back on my own art.

i also learned that no ammount of compliments from others would magically make me like a piece i see as mid at best. of course, i appreciate every single nice comment i get (genuinely, i get very happy knowing that other people love my work), but gratitude doesn't fix a skill issue.

so, late 2022, many things happened. first i got cancelled on twitter over a drawing of my beloved mizuki from project sekai (this info will be relevant later). then i spent a whole month doing this other monstrosity that is to this day the best thing i've ever done. i haven't peaked it (yet):

this comic actually made me improve and solidify my skills. it wasn't a class assignment, or a collaboration, or anything more than a headcanon i shared with a friend - it was pure brainrot over Revue Starlight and it made me put all my cunt into it. this was also the point at which i started filling in blacks with the bucket tool instead of picking a very dark color, which is a big part of my current style :3

the thing about people cancelling me is that i had to distance myself from fandoms and eventually change accunts, which also affected how i perceived my own art. even if i draw for myself, at the end of the day i still draw characters that are loved by many people, so i disabled comments and stopped interacting with other artists of my fandom circles. that led me to go on hiatus at the start of 2023, knowing that it was time for a fresh start (my art accounts were 5 years old anyway).

that period of time made me think a lot about my finished pieces. since i wouldn't post them until i had a new account, i would stare at them for longer than ever or make small changes even if days had already passed. letting my mind rest from illustrations i had been working on and knowing i could change them whenever i wanted was a big step forward.

i realised that for the past years i had been in a hurry to post my drawings as soon as i was done with them instead of appreciating them. that was a turning point for my mindset. this was also past the time i decided to stop making ugly art, but i hadn't really taken any measures to get better. so i changed the wording of the challenge: i can make ugly art but i can't post it if i don't like it.

it doesn't sound epic, but for some reason it worked. every time i was in the middle of making a drawing that looked kind of ugly, i changed it until it looked right. not perfect, but good enough to avoid cringing in the future. some times i had to redraw it from scratch with a more interesting pose. some times i needed to add a background or a graphic element to make the characters pop. and somewhere on that period, i went wild with colors and effects, and a lot of times that saved a piece that would otherwise be boring.

i have to thank Revolutionary Girl Utena and Revue Starlight for making me experiment a lot during my hiatus. both pieces of media, one being the daugher of the other, give artists so many visual metaphors and interesting topics to work with. the revstar brainrot had been there since the junnana comic, but rgu was something i had been meaning to rewatch for a couple of years and it hit me like a fucking train. it also made me create one of the comics i'm the most proud about:

then i got into homestuck and my art got. well. stuck!! >D< but it was okay because i wasn't making ugly drawings anymore. i was putting into practise a lot of things i had been learning or experimenting with, especially regarding colors and character interactions. and the yuri was delicious hmmmmmmm.

the rest of 2023 was very linear in terms of art but not so much in terms of fandoms (?). which is fine, honestly, but i was also glad to get back into Fire Emblem: Three Houses in late that year because when i first got into it in 2019 i didn't have the skill to draw everything i wanted to draw. and i still haven't drawn all the yuri scenarios that i've been cooking in my mind, but i have until forever to do it!!

so for 2024 i want to study some stuff i feel i'm still lacking in. i think i've always had a good eye for composition, but i've never actually pushed it in my finished illustrations - they depend a lot on the poses because i've always been prioritising drawing over everything else. that needs to change this year.

i also want to get better at drawing characters from extreme angles. i've always felt like my poses are a bit flat and i think i can study photos taken with wide angle lenses to improve at that.

and of course i still want to draw faster, which is something i've always struggled with. i think i have a good rhythm of "producing" art (excuse me for the poor wording), but i'm still too slow for the kind of artstyle i want to achieve, which includes having a looser lineart and less details in irrelevant areas of the drawings. i think that overdoing the lineart actually hurts my illustrations, because everything ends up pulling the viewer's attention with the same energy. i also think messy artstyles are neat.

i promise i'm not crazy and i don't hate what i do. in fact, it's precisely because this year i managed to make some pieces with that kind of feel that i know where i want to aim. special mention to the junnana comic because i haven't been able to replicate that lineart ever since.

examples:

as for the stuff i like about my current artstyle, i definitely want to keep the way i color!! and by that i mean the method i have for applying filters that make my colors pop. i could maybe play more with textures too.

i also like the way i depict intimacy, and people have praised it too. thank you for noticing. it's the yearning that's doing it, not me. but i don't think i'll ever change the content (?) of my art, i eat breathe and speak in yuri. if anything, there are still some ways of conveying feelings that i haven't been able to draw because i lack the skill to do so, but i'll keep trying ;)

i honestly didn't expect this post to be this long. i've been writing for hours now and i'm not sure my thoughts are coherent for anyone that isn't me. i also can't grasp the idea that some people know me from fanart i did in 2016 while others started following me last month, time is wild and it's an extra dimension of complexity that i don't know how to account for when i write stuff like this.

but again, as i do with art, i've written this for myself. it's been nice to put my thoughts in order. i think i've only talked about art in depth with like 5 people and it's always been in casual conversation. no creo que estéis leyendo pero Nahia y Henar os amo y he aprendido mucho de vosotras.

thank you for reading until the end if you have. i hope you have not only a nice day but a nice year. let's meet again in the future.

[loojii]

Hey loo! One question... How did you got better at drawing (mostly on anatomy)? Like did you studied on art school or if you are self-taught what techniques did you tried

Sorry if you already answered such ask however I'm new follower of yours

Haya :)

I went to art school and got tradditional drawing lessons. One thing that really helped me out with anatomy were Gesture drawings. This is when you would draw a lot of poses in a very limited time. In our classes a model would come in and change pose every 30 sec/ 1 min / 2 min / 5 min / etc. Of course, I don't think you'd have a model ready to come in haha - so here is a site too! This is what we used for homework as well. If you type in "gesture drawing site" in Google, more sites will come up too.

Here you can choose what kind of pictures will be shown and for how long. We just got our paper out and drew every pose that was shown.

The lesson behind this practice is to communicate a pose as quickly as possible. It's very important to not go for perfection when practicing this! These are not meant to be fully finished art pieces, they are to practice. It made me understand the human body better. I'd even say you can do this with a pen instead of a pencil, so you don't loose time on ereasing stuff. And make just stick figures if thats what you need to communicate the pose!

But one thing to always keep in mind with drawing is that it takes a long time to see improvement. It can be a very long journey. So to make it yourself a fun journey, don't focus on that. Drawing should be very fun and a way to express yourself - be proud of every drawing you make, not because it's the most beautiful thing in the world; but because you had a good time :) I love looking back at old art of mine, because I can remember how much fun I had with some pieces.

Also as a kid I would copy pictures I saw in magazines (the internet wasn't a big thing when I was a kid 👵). I would trace other art - I know it's a no-no in the art community nowadays but I honestly fully support it. Don't pretend its yours, and since other artists can be very focussed on where their art is used maybe don't post it online as well haha. But you are free to trace my art dude, go for it - or copy the drawing/pose/whatever. I don't mind, I hope it'll help you out (only for personal use though) I can't say I'm the best source for accuracy though haha. As a 5 year old child I would already draw a higher horizon line in the background and my teacher thought I was a prodigy, in reality I just copied the 101 dalmations drawing I found in my art book. There's no way to cheat in art, eventhough some artists may let you believe that. Use whatever you can to communicate the art piece that's in your head, I'd say!

Hope this helped a bit - I'm not English and explaining things is not my strong suit, so I'm sorry if some of these things didn't sound right!

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

Speaking from one artist to another, I saw a hurtful anon that insulted your artwork and that makes me angry for various of reasons — BECAUSE I'M A FUCKING ARTIST WHO WAS ONCE A BEGINNER (Sorry for my outburst, but I needed to get this off my chest)

Whoever sent you that without publicly giving you a positive constructive criticism or useful tutorials - they don't realize how beginning artists also exist. Art exist in many forms like illustration, digital, music, pictures and literatures. To call one art "shitty" isn't the best criticism to go around, but you can prove them wrong by asking them if they can do better OR you can keep on going to see how much love your art will receive that they'll stop giving awful comments. They can't stand a certain art style they don't like? Give tips and tutorials! Give kindness, and solutions. But I guess that'll be too much for them?

I never knew the Ninjago fandom was this toxic when people are calling some arts ugly. People have this weird but terrible mindset that certain art styles are better than the other. If the whole artists have the same art styles, it'd be pretty boring and repetitive to see, we'd rather have something new instead for a change. I love to see your art contributing for The Owl House fandom, welcome btw! I know people will love your art there and get more love and positivity. ^^

Thank you I am actually working on a Raine Whispers AU art piece for everybody from the Fanfic WIP I posted

The Song of the Owl Beast

That post really didn't bother me because of the shitty art comment(though it's understandable why it would upset other artists wish I could hug yall that would allow me)

It doesn't bother me because well I like my art and I know there's people out there that might like my art as well, just because a few people say that doesn't mean my art is bad itjust needs improved and I've always been actually quite like Eda (if we compare me to a character) people can throw things at me all they want but it takes a lot for me to be actually upset.

Like I always say, I'm only vocal when I'm actually upset over something. I'm silent when I'm not and it's okay,

I'm very proud of my style because I have a lineless art style that has taken me 4 years(ditched the lineart and sketch layer full time in 2019) to develop and learn and I'm still learning more about how to render it properly, but during this process I know it can be quite ugly. Especially when I'm doing my sketch layers before the rendering as you can see with Raine here I've gotten to that phase, and if I was to share it, it can look kind of uncanny valley haha

I still have to trim the face back down and correct the nose and eyes in general,

What did bother me about that Anon more so was being accused of tracing my art, because there is no way one can trace my art well at least not easily... because there's no lines to trace.

My art style is very very unique in the sense that outright my style doesn't even have a sketch layer to copy. It's stupidly hard for somebody to trace this sort of style where the artist has learned anatomy enough where they can shape the color into the shape one needs like I do.

One can try, but if you don't have enough experience, it won't turn out looking right. Basically, the closest comparison I can put it to is like molding clay only digitally and 2d, so I need to make it look 3d.

(Some anatomy practice fails haha)

I don't think there's anybody else.... at least that I've seen that does this type of style. But if there are people, I would love to know them, because honestly, I have felt alone with this certain art style and not really knowing what to call it or how to render. I know it's lineless, but the technique isn't like other lineless artists as they usually have sketch layers at least.

I appreciate the welcome into the fandom I've already felt very very welcomed just by the interactions I've already received, I haven't had my page this active in years, honestly all it took was me moving a fandom and I wish I had seen that sooner.

You guys really already have helped me in a way nobody else in the Ninjago fandom ever did and that's just opening my eyes even more to how toxic it unfortunately was, because this is all what I was just looking for is a supportive loving fandom that will accept me for all my crazy quirks and ideas.

You guys even got me to do my art and writing already! I hadn't felt inspired in weeks, especially after that retraumatizing event a couple of weeks ago,

I honestly was at the verge of quitting and then I started getting into Owl House and then on the Valana Alt, I started posting and my blog was so active right off the bat, something I again hadn't seen in years on this account. And then you wonderful anons came in telling me to keep going and I wanted to hug you and tell you thank you,

People are actually interacting with my posts, and here I've transferred over a few, and it doesn't matter to yall that I've double posted. You guys still reblog and like it. Some even make comments! And that for somebody like me who has been in a fandom situation where they didn't do that at all, that means the world to me guys honestly, and I will never be able to say it enough, you've already shown me support and love and for that again I can't say it enough

Thank you

[blxnkflying]

bucky barnes - dancing in the living room

Notes: First time writing after a really long time; English is not my first language; Let me know if you like my writing - by that requests are open. Don’t copy, translate or repost my work.

Warning:  smut; mentions of drinking; pet names (doll/baby); bucky's first time with the reader; oral sex (male receving); unprotected sex. 

I recommend listening to “Summer Walker - Girls Need Love (Girl's Edition)” to get in the mood. :)

I’m taking the last sip of wine while putting the plates in the sink when I feel his presence behind me. A kiss on the neck, left metal hand on my hip and his whiskey breath saying “May I have a dance?”. He grabs my hand smirking while taking me to the living room and I can hear the song going as he hugs me by the waist and I put my hands over his shoulders. 

We’re slow dancing in my dark living room with just the lights from the street shining on us. All I can feel right now is eyes looking at me and going down in my body every time he spins around my tiptoes. Bucky spins me one more time as the song is ending and our movements become slower. He holds my face gently and with his thumb slowly outlining my lips. “You look really good in this red dress, Doll.” I give him a shy smile and I’m pretty sure he enjoys that everytime he compliments me, I don’t know how to react. His lips taste like the whiskey from before and his hands are grabbing my waist putting us closer and closer. I break the kiss for air and he still has the same smirk from before. I can feel in my skin those blue eyes are hungry for something else. I push him to the sofa behind us and he sits spreading those thick thighs of his, not breaking eye contact not even once. I sit on his lap biting my lips imagining the pleasure and his right hand goes to the cleavage of my dress pushing it down just a little, just to tease me.

I look down to his hand almost on my breasts and go to his neck. Kissing, licking, sucking and thinking “We’re definitely having sex tonight.” I go again for his lips and I can feel the arousal building up my legs. He grabs my hair a little too hard to kiss my neck to my breasts, making me close my eyes and bite my lips again. When I return to his lips, I can see his shy hands on my thighs, wishing they were on my ass. So this is what I do. 

I take his hands out of my thighs and put them in my ass. While I’m kissing him, I can feel his fingers tracing the lace of my underwear and to my surprise he grabs my ass firmly and brings me even close. I break the kiss letting a moan out, he laughs at me, proud of himself for making moan first. 

We are back kissing and his hands are still on my ass making me grind on his jeans and all I can perceive is his length in my cunt.

“Bucky…” I said breathing heavily.

“Yeah, baby.” He doesn't bother and is still kissing my neck with his right hand on my hair and the metal one holding my waist firmily.

“Are you sure of it?” Even though I was having the moment, I was a little worried about how much intimacy he was comfortable with. 

“I’m definitely sure.” He kisses me again with instinct, almost aggressively, just to show me how much he wanted that.

“Bucky.”

“What baby?” He says holding my neck with his right hand paying attention to my interruption after he just told me he was more fine doing it.

“Then I wanna fuck you”. I said looking into his eyes waiting for his reaction.

He is quickly holding me by the waist and lifting me. My legs are around his hips while he is taking me to my room. I’m surprised that even after a long time, his body is reacting like he never took a break. His hands on my body, his lips on my neck and his tongue on mine. 

He presses me to the wall, letting me stand on my feet while my hands are up in his shirt, scratching his abdomen. He puts me closer, letting me feel his hard cock again, pressed against my dress. I can tell he likes the teasing while I take his blue navy shirt.

“Can I give you a little present?” I have a smirk on my lips this time with hungry eyes for the man standing shirtless right in front of me. Knowing I’m going to fuck him like no else did before because I know the ladies in the 40’s were a little basic.

He follows my hands going to take off his beat and unbutton his jeans. “Of course, baby.” I get on my knees taking off his pants, leaving him on black boxers. I give a gentle kiss on his volume with his boxers on and I feel him becoming anxious for me to put all his length in my mouth.

I take off his boxers while leaving kisses on the end of his abdomen and his cock is just so wet from all the pre-cum that I had to lick it. I hear him moaning while I’m sucking his dick. It’s music for my ears.  He puts his hand through my hair to help me with my movements.  I take his dick of my mouth and hold it with my hand doing some circular movements on his swollen tip. His leg starts to fail because of the sensitivity of his dick and he tries to hold my hand to make me stop. I laughed it off and put his member in my mouth again for the last time. I get on my feet going for a kiss, making him taste himself in my mouth.

He takes off my dress and stares at me. His hands are on my breasts, feeling the lace of my lingerie and squeezing them. He gets on his knees looking up to me while grabbing my waist with his hand while spreading kisses in my belly, going down to my cunt over the lace underwear. He gets up and throws me to the bed on my stomach. I feel his hard cock pressing on my ass and he kisses my back until he is in my ear whispering “Tell me what you want, Doll.” 

“I wanna ride you, Bucky.” My words made him squeeze my ass and breathe heavily. Of course I realized he was talking about what he could do to please me but tonight was about him. I wanted to give him the pleasure he was waiting for. I hold his face to kiss again while he is taking care of taking my bra and my underwear off. His hand are touching my pussy without any sign to go to my clit or my entrance. I break the kiss to look what the fuck he is not doing and for my surprise, he puts two fingers inside me. He really waited for me to look at him to do this. The moan I let out, the way I rolled my eyes back to the pleasure of it, he wanted to see my face, my reaction to his movements. 

“Lay down for me, baby.” I whisper in his ear as he is squeezing my breasts.

As he lays down on the bed, I get on top of him putting his member in my hand going up and down while kissing his stomach. I give him one more kiss on the lips before aligning his dick to my entrance. His hands are on my hips helping me go up and down on his member, my breasts are freely bouncing to his view and our noises are filling up the room. Our bodies are hot and sweating from the movements and all we can do is touch each other desperately from the desire.

While I’m riding Bucky, I put his hand under mine in my belly so he can feel his member deep inside me. His response is to arch his hips up under me making me cry out of pleasure. “You like that?” He is holding my chin with his metal hand when I barely can hold myself up on his dick. I guess that serum really works in a lot of ways. “I really don’t believe you are already tired, babygirl… Let me handle that.”

Now he is on top of me, I can easily outline the muscles of his shoulders with my fingers while scratching his back. The moaning in my ear is driving me crazy, making me squeeze his member inside of me even more. Bucky is going slowly and deep just to see me twitch beside him and it’s working. My thighs are already shivering and I can feel my orgasm building. As it arrives I bite his right shoulder because of the pleasure and my nails are deep on his skin. His movements became faster as my bite got stronger and he cums on my leg while I’m trying to get my breath after this amazing orgasm I just had. 

Our bodies are still spasming after the sex as we cuddle. “Wow, Doll.” Bucky is looking to the roof, trying to put his thoughts and words together.

“I didn't know you were so…” I’m also trying to find words after having my thoughts rearranged by his dick. He laughed it off  “Yeah, baby. I can last longer than normal.”

I laugh too as he finishes the sentence making eye contact. “What?” “I guess that means we have more time to have fun.” I said while holding his chin. “For a girl that doesn’t know how to take compliments, you’re such a freak in the sheets, Doll.”

[venusguks]

Solace in Seoul

— Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x Fem!Reader (Reader x Kim Taehyung on the side)

— Summary : the falling apart of you and kim taehyung, and the coming together of you and jeon jungkook

— Genre/Warnings : plot driven, angst, smut, fluff, sugar daddy/baby relationship, student/teacher relationship w kth, bsfs2lvrs w jjk, unprotected sex, creampie, degredation, oral (f receiving), jk just wants to love you :(, jk is the absolute sweetest really, spit drinking?, praise ( TW : MENTIONS OF FAMILY ABUSE/BRUISES )

ACT 1. | 134340

The first time you talk to Jeon Jungkook again, your mind is elsewhere, absorbed in the lingering absence of Taehyung.

Spring's gentle breeze carried distant laughter and a faint melody from the music club two floors down. The sky carried drifting clouds, the ocean carried rising tides, and you — You carried the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Or at least it felt like it.

The piles of envelopes concerning last two months’ unpaid bills have been devouring your dinner table and heart alike. After receiving the countless of threatening voicemails from your landlord, you'd be naive not to expect a visit—but opening the door to Mrs. Joomi’s bitter scorn didn’t make you feel any less anxious. Juggling two part time jobs all the while maintaining A’s and B’s was nothing easy to accomplish. Hell, living wasn't even easy, and yet, it was like nothing you did was ever enough.

Grief was your composer and you were her violin—her cruel euphony reverberated through your tears when you sat on the cold kitchen floor last night, sifting between your savings that barely made up one month's rent. On top of your midnight breakdown, your dad decided to come home yesterday out of all days and, well, you know how that goes.

The door clicks open, interrupting you from your trance. You don’t need to turn around to know who it is.

Footsteps pad closer until Taehyung is right next to you. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and leans back against the metal railing, facing the opposite direction. It's quiet at first. You've noticed long ago that your relationship with him was one that was filled with silence. “Somethings bothering you,” He’s the first to break it. Neither of you take your gaze off the cerulean blue sky. “You could tell?”

“Of course I can, angel," his voice is cool, gentle, and it carries you away with the wind. "You dozed off through the whole lecture today."

Shame tinges your cheeks with the faintest pink, “oh... I’m sorry. I was paying attention, really, I was just—"

"Love," he saighs, "you have nothing to be sorry about. You could skip to sleep in the nurse's office for all I care. I'm just worried about you."

“What a good teacher you are,” you smile, a teasing one, but Taehyung chuckles dryly. “Trust me, if I was a good teacher, I wouldn’t be doing this," he sounds apathetic, but that doesn't stop you from frowning. You finally turn to look at him, his curls of deep brown swaying. “Taehyung... please don’t say that. You’re an amazing teacher, everyone knows it.”

You hoped he knew how genuine you were. God, you hoped to the moon he knew just how good he was. Taehyung may have already been admired for his captivating smile and his nonchalant energy, but everyone respected him for so much more. He was the type of teacher everyone wanted—the cause of counselor’s headaches every autumn for receiving heaps of transfer requests. Even parents and teachers fawned over him, baffled to see the passing rate in math tests accumulate over the years. It hurt that he didn't see that, and it hurt more knowing he didn't think he was respectable because of you.

The man tilts his head to look at you, smiling softly. “You know I’m only joking, doll.”

“Whether you're joking or not, I still... it just worries me when you talk like that,” you pause, "....do you really feel that way?" Do you really regret this?

Taehyung sighs, and the jeweled rings adorning his fingers are cold against your skin as he tucked loose strands of hair behind your ear. “Worrying is my job, angel, so tell me what's been on your mind instead."

If Taehyung noticed the hurt in your eyes, he chose to ignore it. He always did this. You got it, really, you did. There were boundaries for these sorts of relationships. One step closer would bring him one step back, which was why you never probed him any time he disregarded your questions. But a selfish part of you still felt it was a bit unfair, a bit painful to feel him slip away, to realize he was never there in the first place.

It was strange, how he made you feel. His thumb grazed your lips, his breath was light on your skin—if you concentrated hard enough, you swear you could hear his heart beat. He was only inches away.

So why did he feel so far?

Taehyung was your your lighthouse, your harbor, your shore. Through the snowy December nights where his fingers traced sensuous lines down your bare stomach, to the Spring showers of March where his cold lips brushed your inner thigh—Taehyung had always been your solace.

You knew tangling in sexual affairs with your teacher in return for sealed envelopes was wrong, but how could something so sinful feel so heavenly? The unspoken acts committed underneath draped curtains and moonlight's veil felt too dear to you to be called impure. By your sixth rendezvous, you started to wish the intimacy you shared with him could go beyond silk sheets and star speckled lust.

“I want you to confide in me too,” you said one night under the reluctant shadows of warmly lit candles. “I want to help you too, Taehyung. Please, let me help you.” You could tell he's been agitated the whole week, but you'd been too afraid to ask, afraid of him pushing you away. You didn't know where your courage came from then, all that you wished to be more than a distraction. “I don’t need you to help me," Taehyung growled, and you let out a muffled whimper when he rolled your clit with his tongue, your thighs trembling as you reached for his soft curls. "B-But I care a-about—ahn!" You arched your back as he inserted a finger inside of you, curling into your sweet spot with frightening accuracy. "Don’t need you any way else other than this, doll. Just be good and silent for me." That morning, you woke up to a bed void of the man you loved; a white envelope being the only remnant of that night.

You sighed as you recalled that memory, brushing your own fingers over his, tracing the metal bristles of his rings. “Its nothing."

“Don’t say that, angel. I know it’s not nothing."

“Really, Taehyung, i’m fine. Just stressed is all.”

“Stressed...as in financially?” Your sudden tenseness affirms his assumption, making him sigh. "You could've just told me earlier, angel. Tell me how much you need." A repulsing mixture of shame and self resentment brews in your chest, hardening like bitter dalgona. Dirty, despite money sparking your secret arrangement from the very beginning, that’s how you felt every time it was ever brought up. “Hey, look at me doll," as if reading your thoughts, Taehyung gently draws your face close to his with two hands cupping your cheeks, noses barely brushing. “Don’t ever feel guilty about this. Just treat it as an early birthday present, yeah?"

You couldn't help but frowning, your hands roaming the access of his collarbone. "You already do so much for me, Taehyung...I just...I-I feel bad." You failed to notice how rigid he became then, how his eyebrows dipped with evident frustration. "Y/n, you know that—"

Click!

Before you even realize it, you and Taehyung are off each other. When the blue, paint-scraped door opens, sleeked shoes and lively banter are welcomed by two students, diminishing with a glance at the both of you. "Ah, Mr. Kim, there you are! I was looking all over for you. What are you doing here?" A girl's eyes shift from you to the chestnut haired man. Taehyung easy recollects himself as he pats your shoulder, wearing a professional grin. "I stumbled into y/n here, was just giving her some advice but we’ve finished. What did you need me for?”

"Oh...well, about finals week..." You almost let out a sigh of relief as they continued their conversation, but your breath is instantly caught in your throat when your gaze flickers to the boy right next to her.

You were too startled by the sudden interruption that you haven’t completely processed his presence. You almost wish you hadn’t though, now that his doe, big brown eyes mirror your own.

Jungkook was unmoving, and you could've guessed he was conflicted—whether to say hi or to stay silent. Even if you were in the same grade, it was rare to see his face among the carbon copied uniforms. Class C—1 and C—4 were the furthest from each other, and with being the student council event coordinator, you were either neck deep in documents or tucked in the seclusions of the rooftop.

But due to the proud morning announcements and the hushed whispers of admiration, Jungkook never really strayed too far from your orbit. Referred to as the school's golden boy, Jungkook was loved by everyone. He was friends with members from the fashion department to the swim team to the gardening club—Hell, even the occult club. Teachers and students alike wore lenses of adoration for their school’s pride and joy while you tried your best to look away. He may have been in your orbit, but you were two different worlds, encapsulated by the universe but separated by light years of meteors and stars. Jungkook was a nameless planet to you, as you were to him. You never brought yourself to think about it—never had the time for anyway, so seeing him there, floating with the drifting clouds, even you felt a tad bit shaken.

“—kook...Jungkook, hey, Jungkook! I’m gonna go get my assignment with Mr. Kim. Come with?” He blinks profusely, averting his attention from you to the girl wearing raised brows. “Uh, no thank you. Breaks gonna end soon anyways, I think I’ll stay up here. See you after school though?”

“After school,” she clicks her tongue, waving before disappearing down the stairs. Taehyung lingers for a second longer, his eyes flickering to you. “Well I’ll see you next period, Jeon. Bye, y/n." With that, the door shuts behind them, welcoming an air of awkward silence.

Jungkook is the first to clear his throat, “hi, its been awhile," his earrings dangled with his every nervous movement, and you wondered when he'd gotten all his piercings. "Y-Yeah, its been awhile..." you repeat densely as you watch him take the spot Taehyung left, respecting a distance but not standing too far away. He rests his forearms on the metal railing, his elbow barely brushing yours. “Do you usually come up here?"

"Only during lunch."

He hums, "that explains why I never see you."

You frown, both in curiosity and confusion. "You look for me?"

“I-I don’t!” He sputters too quickly. “I just...its just an observation. We’re in the same year after all, and you’re never with the rest of the student council members.” Your brows raise in amusement, “that's surprising.”

“What is?”

“I didn’t think you remembered my name—honestly didn’t think you even remembered I existed.”

“Of course I remember,” he chuckles, “we’ve been friends for 17 years. How could I forget?”

“14 years,” you reminded softly, “we’ve been friends for 14 years.”

A star in Jungkook’s eyes must have died out when you smiled sadly at him. “Oh...right...” he rubs the nape of his neck, sighing. “This is strange, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” you agree, “strange.” And there it is again. Spring’s momentary silence. You watch as the sun slowly disappears behind sailing clouds. Talking to Jungkook, being alone next to him, was maybe even a little bit uncomfortable. After all, you guys had so much history—where do those film rolls of sun seeped memories go? It was as if they floated all around you, tying your fingers together like the red string of fate. After all those years of suppressing them, it was intoxicating, adamant to be remembered.

“This reminds me of middle school,” Jungkook brings your head back from the sky. “In 5th grade, the highest we could go was at the top of the garden shed. We spent all our breaks there, staring at clouds, complaining about Mr. Lim being too grouchy, or wondering where we'd go after school—what ice cream flavor we’d get at the convenience store. Do you remember?”

"Of course I do," despite yourself, your heart softens to the recollection. It was your secret hiding spot, blocked by the slant of the roof and the trees barricading the other side. The sky, wind, and Jungkook had been your only escape from the problem solving in math and the problem solving you had to do on your own when you were 10, wondering what the budget for that week's grocery would be. “We thought we were so cool, that we were on top of the world.”

“Correction, you thought you were so cool. You even promised to show me your own space ship, remember?”

“God, please don’t,” you groan, covering your face with your palms. You knew exactly where this was going, and you guessed Jungkook still knew exactly how to embarrass you. “You told me you were a space—“

“—adventurer!” You beamed a toothy grin, two hands proudly on your hips. Jungkook looked up at you with sparkling eyes, pupils as large as beloved full moons. “You mean...an astronaut?”

Your smile immediately drops into a disappointed frown. You demanded upmost reverence, so you didn’t really appreciate it when he questioned you. “No, no. Not an astronaut. A space adventure. s-p-a-c-e a-d-v-e-n-c-h-u-r-r. Gosh, Kookie. If you want me to bring you along in my journeys, you have to keep up.” Jungkook only nodded, trying his best to stifle a chuckle. He won the 3rd grade spelling bee, so he was at least 85% confident the word adventurer didn't have a 'ch' in it.

He decided to let it go though. He knew—the same way he knew that you’d certainly cry if he corrected you—that you were afraid of heights. If it took weeks to encourage you to finally climb a roof, he was the certain you wouldn’t be able to handle the height of the galaxy. But then again, he always had a soft spot for you. “I’m building a space ship right now actually! Its called the Bon Voyage. When it's finished, I’m going to Pluto. You won’t believe how big space is. There are strawberries there!"

Jungkook’s eyes widened at your silly declaration, and even then, he felt sad. He knew that being a space adventurer—being able to maneuver gravity and time on your own whims—was only an innocent imagination of escapism, but still. Every single time you’d flinch when a hand was brought up near you, every time you’d pull on your jacket despite it being hot, he wished your imagination could be real. Wished he could make it real for you—keep you safe from earth and all your troubles.

“I’d like to see the strawberries.. with you,” Jungkook smiled softly. You grinned, and it was the most precious thing Jungkook saw as you stuck your pinky finger out. “Then it’s settled, I’m taking you with me.”

“To pluto?” He wrapped his small finger with yours, and you sealed it with your thumbs pressed against each other's. “To pluto!”

Jungkook was in a fit of laughter, and despite burying your face further into your hands, you couldn't help but smile. “I can’t believe you knew I was lying. God, I must’ve looked like a total idiot.” His elbows were pressed against yours now, sending a surge of warmth to your heart at the familiar skin ship. Jungkook must have not noticed, for he only kept giggling, and you certainly wouldn't bring it up. “It was cute, really. The strawberries and everything. It was really cute.”

"Whatever, Jungkook," you rolled your eyes, and uncovering your eyes, you looked at him. Truly looked at him this time. His smooth, unwrinkled uniform. His hair that grew over time, kissing past his eyelashes and swaying with the wind. The tiny mole peeking under his bottom lip, the familiar scrunch of his nose as he grinned widely. The speckled brown of his eyes were so warm, almost dreamlike against the golden sun. Under long years of an uncalled contact, of an untouched hand, of a voiceless wonder—‘how have you been?’ ‘what was on your mind today?’—you saw the Jungkook you once knew, your dearest friend. And with his smile, you found your heart aching and full at the same time.

ringggggg!

The alarm jolts the both of you, severing spring’s heartbeat as loud chatter and footsteps disrupt the moment from open windows.

You only stare at each other for a brief second before you give a half smile, “that's the bell, we should go.” Without waiting for an answer, you followed the pace of the rest of school, but before you could take a step down the staircase, Jungkook takes your hand. His grip isn’t tight or rough. Its gentle, reluctant. You turn around, and the sun is behind him, kissing the back of his head with its golden, stray flakes.

"What is it?" You furrowed your brows. “I...its just..." It takes a moment before Jungkook speaks, cheeks tinged with a faint red. "Y/n I, I miss—”

“Jungkook,” you interrupt in masked panic, averting your eyes as you pulled your hand back. In truth, you were scared. Finals week would be soon and you didn’t think you could handle any more mental strain than you already had, especially not with him. “I-I think we’re going to be late.” Jungkook eyes widen for a second, stricken with dejection. He mumbles, “right...”

You don’t dare to look at him, turning away, you say, “it was nice talking to you again. Bye, Jungkook.”

ACT 2. | DAYTIME SHOOTING STAR

The second time you see Jungkook again, the spring showers are sharp against your skin. You had just gotten off from your 6 hour shift, and where the sunset hues of timid pink and vibrant yellow were supposed to be, the overcast sky was instead. It's been about 30 minutes since you clocked off, but you knew your dad was home, so you decided to take the long way back.

It didn't matter that you were a blur of blue walking in grey tainted streets. Didn’t matter that the downpour soaked your clothes or that cars occasionally splashed you with murky road puddles. You could be anywhere, and anywhere would be better than where your dad was.

Droplets drooped down your eyelashes, dribbling down onto your phone. It’s screen illuminated your color drained face. You stared at Taehyung’s contact, biting your lip nervously.

YOU :

hey taehyung, can i come over? if that's possible of course|

hey taehyung, can i come over? i|

hey taehy/

.../

i need you|

Your thumb hovered over the tempting, blue send button. Press it, Y/n. Just press it. (But would he mind?) He said it was okay to ask for help. (But... what if he's busy right now?) It's okay to ask. (You'd just be bothering him. If you're too needy, he'll push you away, you know that.) Just press the damned—

“Y/n!” A hand reaches your back, and although it was a mere brush, you yelp in alarm, instantly stumbling back. When you're sure you're about to be submerged into a puddle, a hand firmly grasps your forearm, steadying you as the said person pulls you closer to them. The rain stops—or rather, patters against an umbrella now hovering over you. Your eyes flutter from the hand holding you to the hand holding the umbrella handle, and lastly, the holder.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jungkook half laughs. When you don’t reply, your mouth only agape, he adds, “are you okay?” It takes you a moment before you nod. You were close, as close two people could be under a small umbrella (or was it because Jungkook has gotten really big?), so you take a step back. But before you could feel even one raindrop on your face again, Jungkook pulls you back into him, “I don’t want you getting sick, y/n.”

“I’m already soaked anyways,” you frown, but he only disregards you. “Where are you heading?”

“Nowhere.”

When his brows threatened to crease, you add, “Got off work a few minutes ago, I was just taking a stroll.” Jungkook opened his mouth, and you were sure he was going to say something in the lines of, “in the rain? have you gone mad?” But to your surprise, he doesn’t. Instead, his fingers intertwine with yours. “My homes not far. Come with me?”

"Your...home?” You repeat dumbly, disregarding how warm his hand was—how you missed it, how right it felt in yours. “Yeah, if thats okay with you. If not, then mind if I walked with you?” You pause, taking in Jungkook’s attire. What he was doing in a button down, black trousers, and sleek shoes, you didn’t know—but his dry state save for the few droplets on his clothes meant that he'd much rather prefer to be under a roof. You weren’t sure if he was going to take no for an answer, and being under shelter did sound pleasant. At least, more pleasant than being in wet socks. “Okay,” you say, “take me home.”

When you arrive, you're relieved to discover Mr. and Mrs. Jeon are on a business trip. You missed the Jeons, truly—they were the only family you’ve ever known, but you didn’t think you were ready to see them again.

You remembered Jungkook’s house being an absolute palace when you were a child—modernized with elegance adorned with a scenic garden and a clean landscape—but it still didn’t fail to leave your jaw agape. Expansive was always an understatement. “Here, get changed,” Jungkook hands a towel, an oversized sweater and sweatpants, and of course, fuzzy socks. You only nodded as he led you through the familiar halls to his room. “Just call for me when you’re done, kay?”

“Mm,” you mumbled, still in a daze even after he left. Bittersweet nostalgia filled your nostrils with the scent of vanilla and almonds, a soy candle he still apparently loves. It's only been three years since you’ve last set foot on his grey, hardwood floors, but you still noticed the subtle changes. Instead of pokemon action figures—burnished, golden trophies filled his glass shelves. They were only a few Jungkook was really proud of, otherwise his room would be brimmed with his accomplishments.

Picture perfect polaroids capturing euphoric memories and cheerful grins scattered Jungkook's walls. A refined stereo set replaced the bright blue boom box of your childhood, the one covered with doraemon stickers and scratches. Memories of 4th grades' January flooded your mind, when the blandness of the month was disrupted with color as the two of you jammed to Ego by JHOPE on repeat. Jungkook may have added and taken a few things out, but you found anchor in what stayed the same. His plants that hung from the ceiling were still there, ivies draped with growth over the past years. Kim Namjoon, Jungkook’s long time idol, smiled from a framed poster on his wall. Everything was still polished with his neatness, a habit you had always commended him for.

As you dried your damp hair, a photo frame catches your eye, sitting on the side of his bookshelf. Your breath catches in your throat. You slowly walk to the dainty item, painted white and blue to resemble noon skies. In the corner of the frame ignited a bright, pale limerence. Sparks of vivid blue and tangerine whipped through the wooden confines. You felt your heart thump against your chest. It was a—

"Daytime shooting star!" You gleamed, holding a paint brush into the sky, the handle rough from years of dried paint. It was a hot summer day, a few weeks after the end of seventh grade. Cicadas sung adamant songs through Jungkook's cracked open window as the two of you sat on his floor, blanketed with a fuzzy iron man carpet.

He looked at you quizzically, "a daytime shooting star?" As far as Jungkook knew, there was no such thing. "Yeah," you chirp. "That's you, Kook. You're my daytime shooting star." Jungkook nearly dropped his paint brush then, risking his favorite carpet as he looked at you, wide eyed with stun. You were wearing his t-shirt as per usual, your face smudged with blue paint and an innocent smile. Jungkook hated you for it.

It was always your choice of words—my Jungkook, my Kook, my Kookie, and now, my daytime shooting star—that he swore would be the death of him every single time. He didn't even know what you meant, but he didn't care, because being called yours was enough to kill him.

"Th-Thats stupid," he mumbled as he looked away, a futile attempt to hide his burning cheeks. "That doesn't even make sense." When the air shifted to silence, Jungkook immediately regretted his words. He quickly turned back around, fearing he accidentally hurt your feelings due to his own fluster. Maybe that was when Jungkook realized you really had grown up since the 6th grade, because this time, tears didn't drip down your cheeks. Instead, your eyes were curious and doe as you tilted your head to your side. "Does it matter?"

"What?

“A lot of things don’t make sense, but does it have to matter?” You frowned.

“I-I don’t—”

“I like you a lot, Kook,” and though you weren't at the least bit shy saying so, Jungkook’s emotions exploded everywhere. “I don’t think you need reasons to like someone, but you’re my daytime shooting star, Kook, and that's my reason. Can't I just like you? Does it...does it have to make sense?”

It felt like light years as Jungkook stared, red as he looked into the golden specks of your eyes, glinting from the blazing sun. “I-I don't know,” he gulped, his voice small. He was going to leave it at that at first. He didn't know what to say—what he could say. His mind was as clumsy and berserk as a deflating balloon to your previous words, but when he saw your sullen eyes and mopey pout, he felt an inadvertent panic in his gut.

His eyes shifted to his boom box. Etched on the side of the speaker was Doraemon, giving him a childish wink and thumbs up. Jungkook groaned in annoyance and you looked up, curious as he scratched the back of his head. "M-maybe we could...see it," he mumbled, barely grumbling, but your heart leapt with every syllable of his words. "Someday, together. The—"

“Daytime shooting star.”

You jumped, instantly whirling around to see Jungkook leaned against the door frame with his arms crossed over his torso. His eyes were soft, as if his gaze itself caressed you. “Y-You...” your thumb grazed the flimsy wood. “You still have this.”

“Yeah, and I still don’t have a photo,” he chuckled, making his way towards you. “14 years of friendship and you’d think we’d finally have a perfect picture to put in the frame.” It was pretty silly now that you thought about it. Despite spending a whole summer’s day decorating the item with childlike ambivalence, you never allowed Jungkook to slide a photo in it. No, it couldn’t just be any glossy photograph. You fussed over the concept of a perfect portrait, but nothing ever satisfied you enough, and with each passing year, it must've slipped your mind.

“I don’t get it... We haven’t talked for like, three years, and you still have this?”

"Does it have to make sense that I did?” Jungkook tilted his head, his eyelids lowering to look down at you. You open your mouth to reprimand him for using your words against you, but no words come out. Fuck. You swear it was his eyes—you’ve always said they were full of magic when you were children. It must’ve been that damned spellbinding luster that stole your voice. “What did you mean?” Jungkook takes a tentative step forward.

“Huh?” It came out like a breath.

Maybe it was the dim incandescence of the room, complementing the silhouette of his sculpted physique. Maybe it was the fact that the cloth he wore seemed too thin, too tense around his biceps and broad shoulders. Maybe it was because his first three buttons were left unclasped, teasing the faint outline of his chest. Or maybe it was the fact that you were so used to being in eye level with him—hell, looking down at him in the earlier points of your life. But you realized then, as Jungkook stared at you with a glint you couldn’t seem to quite recognize, how small you felt in front of him. Under him.

“When you said I was your daytime shooting star. You never explained it to me, what you meant,” Jungkook takes one final step forward, and the distance between you is insignificant. You don’t move—didn’t even think you could with your back pressed against his bookshelf. You could only return his gaze, doe eyes wavering beneath his. “What I meant to you...what I still mean to you.”

Your breath hitches, “Kook...”

“Fuck, I missed that,” his voice is low, breathless as his fingers brush your cheeks. “So fucking much, Y/n. I missed you calling my name, whatever you say. Kook, Kookie, Jungkook—I don’t care, just missed your voice, I still do. Don’t you know? Everyday, how much I long for you?”

Your eyes widen at his assertion. Wherever this was coming from, you didn't have the heart to stop it. "J-Jung—"

“—I miss you, Y/n. Any time I'm not around you it hurts and every time I am it hurts even worse.” His voice is so gentle, you fear he could hear the rhythm of your heart beat, palpitating with the heavy raindrops against his window.

“Why....why did you push me away?”

The waves were restless that cold, autumn night—you saw it through the fogged window of the train. Exhaustion tugged your eyes and your muscles screamed with every movement. As the train tracks rumbled beneath you, you wondered if you were even alive anymore, at least, it didn’t feel like it. All that was certain to you was the midnight stars outside, following you no matter where you went.

You didn’t know when the train entered the station, sighing to a stop as the doors slid open with a loud gush. It was probably 2am—Maybe 3, and the carts didn’t hold people this time around. At least you didn’t think it did, you honestly didn’t have the energy to even think about it. You only wondered how further you could go without knowing exactly how far you already went. Your neck ached from your head hanging low, and if it was cold, you didn’t feel it. All you felt was numb. An aching, dull pain eating away at your heart.

It was when you heard rushed heaves and loud footsteps that your eyes widened to see a familiar pair of green converse stop in front of you. You lift up your head to see Jungkook, cheeks red either from crying or the cold, maybe both. His brows were deeply furrowed as he crouched down, his hands gripping your shoulders.

“C-Can you hear me, Y/n? Are—are you okay?” You only nodded. He felt like a mirage, a dream.

You didn’t know what he saw in you that caused the droplets of sorrow to drip from his eye—whether it was the bruises covering your body, or the deep eye bags from restless nights at work—but it made you sad, how he looked at you. You wished he’d stopped. You wished you could be so far away that he didn’t have to look at you anymore.

“You’re, fuck, you’re freezing,” Jungkook quickly pulls his coat off and swathes it around you. “I’m sorry, y/n. I’m so sorry I didn’t get here earlier.” You shook your head, your dull headache being replaced with confusion. “Why are you even apologizing, Kook? H-How did you even find me? Why are you even here?” You had turned off your cell the whole day and gave no indication to where you’d be. You didn’t even tell Jungkook how you were feeling, it made no sense to see him there, holding you.

“We’re soulmates remember? Of course I’d know,” Jungkook tries his best to give a smile. “I’m here because you are. Just—look, lets get you out of here first okay?” Before you can tell him you can walk by yourself, he lifts you up, taking your hand as he leads you out. “The next train back to Seoul arrives in 8 minutes,” Even when Jungkook and you sit down on a bench, he doesn’t let go. He’s shaking, you realize, with his fingers intertwined with yours. It was as if he wanted to hold you tighter, but he was afraid. Afraid of what? Afraid of hurting you? Or afraid of you hurting him if you slip out of his grasp any further?

“How did you know?” You begin again. “I told you I was sick, I called the school too. A-and how did you even know where I was?”

“You called in sick for three days Y/n,” he frowns, “and you haven’t texted me once. I was so worried, fuck, I was so fucking worried when I went to your house to see that you weren't there. All my calls went straight to voice mail, and I saw...I-I saw the shattered beer bottles, the blood. I-I panicked, even thought of calling the police,” when your face goes rigid, he assures you, “of course I wouldn’t though, I would never do that you. But anyway, it took me awhile to guess, and I wasn’t even sure—just started running. I imagined you’d definitely be in a space ship to Pluto right about now, but I took a risky bet on the train station. You know, being much more accessible to us and all.” When Jungkook finishes light heartedly, you give a dry laugh, “you know me so well, Koo."

His small grin falls shortly as silence does, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb on your hand. When he speaks again, his voice is quiet, sad, “You always...you always said you’d bring me. We’re a team aren’t we? You and me, I-I thought...I would’ve been there, Y/n. You know I'd be there for you in a heartbeat. Don't you trust me?”

"Of course I trust you, Kook," you quickly assure him through your thin veil of tears. It hurt too much to know you were the reason for the crack in his voice, for the ache in his heart, for his glazed eyes. You couldn't stand his pity, but you couldn't stand being the source of his grief either. "Then why didn't you call me..? All I ever wanted was to be there for you, all I ever want is to be by your side, y/n. Why won't you just let me help you?”

“Because you don’t understand, Kook,” you croak. “You don't understand how hard it is for me—how hard it's always been. It'll only ever always be like this, and I-I can't just...fuck Kook, I can't just depend on you every time I get hurt. My problems are for me to sort out, I have no one but myself.”

“But you have me, y/n," the tears you fought so hard to hold back falls when Jungkook covers both your cheeks with his hands. The boy inhales sharply, trying to calm himself from crying any longer as he presses his forehead against yours. "It hurts me so much when you talk like that, y/n. You have me, you always have me. A-and it scares me because sometimes it just feels like I don't have you, that I never did and—"

"Jung—"

"You’ve been so distant lately," his breath is shaky and hot against your skin. "....It feels like you’re going to leave me. Please, don’t. Don't leave me behind like this, y/n.” You don't say anything else, too overwhelmed with his heartache beating with yours. In that cold autumn night, all you could do was cry in his arms.

The train arrives shortly.

“Lets go home," Jungkook murmurs sweetly against your skin. He kisses your forehead softly, and when he does, it feels like you already are home.

“Come here,” he grins, standing up with his hand out. You take it. “Have you eaten yet? I can make us food when we get back. What would you like?”

“Honestly? Just ramen.” Jungkook groans as you step inside the desolate train cart. “You know I could cook something way better for us."

"Nothing is better than ramen with eggs, Kook," you chide, giggling when Jungkook rolls his eyes. You take your hand away from him, and Jungkook tenses, only to relax when you cup his cheek once more. “But seriously, thank you, Jungkook. For everything. For worrying, being here for me, for finding me." He smiles, his eyes like crescent moons luminescent with love as he looks down at you, "always.”

"You said you'd do anything for me right?”

“Of course, anything, y/n.”

“Then please stop after this," you keep your small smile even as Jungkook's brows furrowed with confusion. You said it so simply, so plainly that he thought he might have heard you wrong. "What do you...?"

“Nothing will change after this. Nothing. I can't escape from my life, I can't escape from debt or my dad no matter how hard I try—and being the cause of your anxiety won't help me. I don't need a savior, and I don't think you need me holding you back either. We're burdening each other Kook.” With a heavy gush, the train doors start sliding shut and before Jungkook can even comprehend your words, you step out. “Don't have worry about me anymore, okay?”

“W-Wait— y/n—!” He’s quick to run, but it's too late. The doors slide shut, finally severing the thin red string of fate that held the two of you.

The rain falls with your tears as you cry into your hands, guilt washing over you like tidal waves. You remember his face the most, how heartbreak and betrayal etched with the dying fade of his smile. How you left him that day, how you left him everyday after that.

“I-I was just so tired, so tired of everything. I... I'm so sorry I pushed you away. I just didn't want you to worry about me anymore. You were always so good, everything about you, and I was scared I was holding you back and...and it hurt too much to stay knowing I was." Jungkook’s arm wrapped around your waist as his other hand gently pulled your head to his body. You're too stunned to move, but when you gather yourself, you decide you don't want to. You just cry, burying your face into his chest, your hands tightening around his shirt.

"I never once stopped thinking about you, y/n," he mumbled into your hair. "I never once not worried, never once not looked for you, and you—god, y/n—you never once held me back. Silly girl, don’t you know you were the only one who kept me together?” Jungkook lets out a noise, somewhere in between a sigh and a groan as he lowers his head onto your shoulder, "I did everything, anything to keep myself distracted from you. Competitions, sports, art, studies, friends.” His soft hair tickled your jaw as he nuzzled closer into the crook of your neck. “But I couldn’t, y/n, it was always you, it was never not you. Do you know how torn I was, watching you and not being able to talk to you? To hold you, be afraid of losing you even more than I already had?"

The pitter-pattering of the rain against the rooftop fills the voice you can’t seem to conjure. "Did you ever miss me?” Jungkook pulls away, and your eyes lock with his under the blue world. You realize then, by looking at him, just how scared he was. If you pushed him away again, he didn’t know what he’d do.

Reluctantly, you bring your hand to sweep Jungkook's tousled bangs away, brushing your fingers against the shell of his ear. "I did," you whisper, and more clearly, "I-I did, of course I did.” When Jungkook doesn't respond, your hand trails down his neck ... to his shoulders ... to his chest. "Do you hate me?"

Jungkook inhales sharply, "N-no." He could never.

"Your heart is beating so fast.... are you afraid?"

"I am."

"I am too," you lift his hand and place it against your own chest, laying it atop your own heartbeat. Thump, thump, thump, you don’t catch the pink of his cheeks when you’re too busy staring at the sad stars in his eyes. "I was too, back then. I know it's selfish, and i-i'm sorry I hurt you, but I hope you understand what kind of position I was in. I was so young, so scared—I just wanted to be alone, felt like it was a way to protect myself from anything else that could hurt me. I’m different now, I think, more stable—whatever that is," you chuckle dryly. "I can’t promise I won’t push you away, but I won’t leave anymore, really, s-so...."

Jungkook's eyes soften, his lids lowering when you say, "Can you trust me?"

"Of course," Jungkook breathes, “always.”

ACT III. | EPIPHANY

"Just go to sleep already, Jeon."

You've been repeating yourself for the past 3 hours, watching him restlessly saunter around his room. "...swear i’m missing something, I just don't know what..." Jungkook, like the countless of other times, dismissed you as he continued to tap his finger on his chin, mumbling to himself in intense focus. It was only when you’ve finally had enough, groaning and hurling a tissue box at him—which he instantly caught with ease—that he finally noticed your glare. "What was that for?"

"I said just go to sleep already!" You exhaled frustratedly, "you packed your whole room at this point, Kook. I swear you have, like, triple of everything you don't even need—so for the thousandth time, could you please just shut the lights?" It's been a few weeks since that one spring evening, and time started ticking again with Jungkook by your side. It took you awhile to adjust to his company, it was odd—but everything was odd at this point. Odd but comforting when Jungkook started visiting the rooftop every lunch, odd but reassuring when he'd pick you up after every shift, and odd but exciting to spend the night with him before the anticipated field trip to Jeju island. The four days were a granted escape before the tumultuous finals of the upcoming winter. Even you were a bit eager to go, having finally taken a justified leave off work.

"Fine, fine, but if I do end up forgetting something important, I blame you," Jungkook huffs, sauntering to the light switch. “Go ahead,” you roll your eyes, and with a small click!, a satisfied sigh escapes your lips. “Finally,” You snuggled into his pillows, but when the bed dips down right next to you, you realized you had forgotten to ask Jungkook to shut his mouth as well. "Will you sit next to me on the way there?" You squinted to the darkness, raising your brows at the silhouette of his figure. "Jungkook, you're literally my only friend, do you even need to ask?" He chuckled, "but will you? We don't have to sit with my friends if you don't want to."

You hummed, thinking as Jungkook carefully brushed loose strands of hair away from your face, the warmth of his fingers trailing down the side of your neck. You were reluctant about being seen with Jungkook at first, but the choice wasn't left to you when his friends spotted you and him at the library sometime ago. It honestly wasn't as bad as you expected, and more surprisingly, you even clicked with a few with them. Seokjin was one you gravitated to the most, being a truly funny and charming senior that you felt you could look up to. "No, it's fine. I like your friends." Jungkook’s head perked up, and the darkness captures the bright twinkle in his eyes. "Really, you do?" You smile, knowing how happy that must have made him. "Really, I do. Now can we please go to sleep? I'd like to be at least remotely awake for the first day."

“Okay, okay, grumpy head," a bunny like grin appears on his face as pinches your cheek, chuckling when you only grumble in return.

He strokes your hair down one last time before placing a kiss on your forehead. “Good night, y/n.”

"Good night, Kook," the reassuring warmth of his skin leaves yours, and you hear him shuffle in his own mattress on the floor. It's been awhile since you've felt like this, so safe. Though it didn't necessarily matter, being with Jungkook was different with Taehyung, you noticed. When it came to Taehyung, it was as if all your problems could dissipate with his touch. That for a moment, they could just disappear.

When it came to Jungkook, though, your problems were still there. They existed, they were real, and yet, when you with him, it felt like everything would be okay. He was like a breath fresh air, and you felt like you could get through anything—whatever it may be, as long as he was there. With that thought, you slowly, but surely, drifted to sleep.

ringgggg!! ringgg!!! ringggg!!

What happened afterwards came in fragments of fuzzy memories, distorted with exhaustion. It was the phone ringing first, then it was the shuffle of Jungkook rising from his mattress. The ringing, his heavy yawn, the ringing, groggy footsteps, the ringing, the clatter of the drawer—and finally, silence. "Y/n...?" His voice barely reached where your mind was, deep inside the depths of whatever dream dimension you were in. "Y/n," he said again. No reply. "Y/n... Y/n!"

"What?!" You groaned, lazily sitting up with a snarl and a bed head. The ringing starts again and you rub your eyes to where your phone screen illuminated Jungkook's face. "What is it?" You mumble, a little concerned to his expression. "God, is it Mrs. Joomi again? I just paid this month’s rent like a few d—"

"Mr. Kim."

You freeze. The two, single words are akin to iced buckets of water being splashed onto your face, instantly waking you up.

"Taehyung with a heart and moon emoji—but that's Mr. Kim, isn't it? In that photo? That's his first name." Your heart lurches forward. 태형☽<3, displaying a low quality photo of him that you secretly took while he was preparing breakfast. It was once a happy morning, and this was once a happy night—disrupted by its forbidden rays of joy.

When Jungkook finally looks at you through the stark darkness, you can only stare back, your heartbeats filling the silent stun of your dry throat. The bubbly melody stops, and when you don't say anything, Jungkook's voice grows louder, "Y/n what—what the hell is this? Why is Mr. Kim calling you at 3am? Why do you have a photo of him? Why is his contact—"

"J-Jungkook," You nervously moved to sit on the front edge of the bed, attempting to speak as calmly as you can. Jungkook would understand...right? He wouldn't tell, he couldn't. He knows you, your financial situation. It was okay. "Remember when you asked me not to push you away? Well, this is me letting you in. This is me trusting you Jungkook, so please just hear me out." Under the moonlight's glower, you see the bob of his adam's apple rise and fall. "Taehyung, he—"

"Taehyung?" You wince, the acidity of his voice like bitter poison. "I-I mean, Mr. Kim. M-Mr. Kim, he...helps me."

"Helps you?" Jungkook scoffs. "At 3am? How could he—" Suddenly, Jungkook's eyes go wide. "Y/n, you don't mean..."

You nod stiffly, "he gives me money in exchange for....i-its consensual! He helps me," your cheeks heat up, hating yourself for allowing this to happen, having to explain yourself. “A-anyway the point is, you won't tell anyone, right? You understand, don't you, Kook?"

"Understand?! Y/n—he’s a teacher! He's seven fucking years older than us—are you stupid, what were you thinking?!" The sting of his words ring in your ears like a harsh slap across your face. Throughout your years together, Jungkook had barely had the heart to scold you, so you were more than unprepared for his hurtful words. Your shock quickly subdues into anger though, and you stand up, “what I was thinking? What I was thinking?! I don't know Kook, maybe thinking about my fucking electric bill! Thinking about how to pay off debt—how to buy food for fuck's sake! I've looked after myself my whole life, and this is no different."

"Still—This is wrong, y/n! You know that! There are other ways like, like—"

"Like what Jungkook?!" You're in front of him now, pushing at his chest. "Working my ass off in nine to fives? Well I do that, Kook, every fucking day and yeah, a fucking disappointment for me too that it's not enough. You could never know how its like for me, but out of everyone, you're supposed to...! You’re supposed to understand,” you chuckle bitterly, shaking your head as a futile attempt to shake the hot tears away.

"Y/n...” Jungkook’s anger diminishes into a frustrated panic. He tries to reach for you, hold you, anything to keep you from crying because of him—but you turn away, and despite himself, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. He sighs harshly, his voice much softer now, “I just—out of all these years, you could've asked me. I was always there, y/n, and you never accepted me. I know we talked about this already, but the fact that...” He shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I do understand, but I was always here. I was your best friend, why did you have to go to him? Am I...am I that unreliable to you?"

Your own heart sinks for him this time, quickly shaking your head. “No, Kook. I-It's not like that. I'm sorry this has to be so complicated, that i've made you feel small. You are reliable, Jungkook. You're my safe place, my person—always have been. I appreciated you so much but you need to understand how terrible it felt for me back then. I hated being pitied by you. You’re my friend, not a fucking philanthropist."

Jungkook takes your hand this time, "I never wanted to help you because I pitied you, y/n. You were always so strong, I don't think you could ever be someone I could pity. I wanted to help because I cared for you, loved you, and it breaks my heart knowing that you went through such lengths when you could've turned to me."

You sigh, threading your hands over the back of his hair. "It was all just circumstantial, Kook. Taehyung found me at a really low point in my life. I didn't search for it, but he was there and i’m thankful for yim, so please Jungkook, please." Your eyes wavered beneath his sad stare, hoping, pleading. Jungkook bites on his lip, cursing, "look...I won't tell on you if that's what you're thinking. I would never do that to you, i'm just worried. He's calling you at nearly 4am, y/n—shit, h-has he hurt you? Did he ever make you do anything you didn't want to?" Jungkook looks frantic for a second, but you quickly shake your head. "N-no! No, god no, he's never hurt me! You know him Kook, Tae would never hurt me." You miss how you even said Tae or how Jungkook's jaw clenched to it.

"I won't say anything, y/n, at least...not yet. You have to end it."

"W-What?"

"He took advantage of you in a low position in your life, y/n."

"N-No Kook, you don't understand!"

"It's not your fault, y/n, it's completely his. He's the adult here, it was wrong. You have to end this."

"But I can't! The money, Kook, you know I can't."

"Then let me help you," he steps closer. Your hands slide to his chest now, shaking your head. "No, Jungkook, my answer has been no and its still no. I refuse to be your charity case," you scoff. "Then you're not going to be. I'll pay you to sleep with me too."

Your eyes instantly shoot open. What..?

"I'll pay you to sleep with me," he repeats calmly. "Anytime you need it, anytime I want it, and I'm certain I'll be able to give you more than whatever Mr. Kim could." Your mouth only hangs open, words dying in your dry throat.

"What's wrong?" Jungkook asks, taking a step closer. This time, you take a step back. "If you were fine with doing it with Mr. Kim, shouldn't it be fine with me?"

"N-No," your voice is barely a shaky whisper. More clearly, "No, Jungkook. I can't just—we just started talking again. You're my only friend, I won't ruin us just for—"

"I won't let anything happen to us, I promise y/n."

"B-but—"

"You don't have to worry about it, okay? Plus, isn't this situation more ideal? You'd get paid more and you wouldn't have to rely on—"

"I love him!"

Its Jungkook's turn to be silent. "What..?"

"I love him Kook," you croak, heat overwhelming your cheeks.

"Y/n..."

"I know it's wrong, I know he seems like an asshole but he's not. I know him, Kook, and i’m mature enough to know myself too. I made my decision back then, and I keep making it today because...I love him." You can’t help but feel your anguish trickle down your eyes, and you cry into your hands. That’s it then. It’s done. You’ve finally admitted it, yet despite the burden of the untold truth lifting—you felt heavier, worse. By now, Jungkook would’ve pulled you into a warm embrace. He’d hush you with soothing murmurs and delicate kisses on your forehead. He’d trail his fingers through your hair, tell you that he knew, that he gets it, that it was okay. But he doesn’t. He couldn’t. You were crying for another man, and all he could feel was ache.

Your phone rings once more, and from the night stand, you see Taehyung’s figure on the dimmed screen. You reluctantly look at Jungkook, but when he doesn’t say anything, his expression unreadable, you take it. "H-hello?"

"Hey, doll," Taehyung's voice is low. "I’m sorry I keep calling, I feel really shit for waking you up at this time. I know the Jeju trip is in a few hours, but I just needed to talk to you."

"No, no, its fine. I was already awake anyways, um...what is it?" You turned away from Jungkook, nervously biting on your lip. Despite everything that had unfolded between the two of you, it was strange. Taehyung never called you at this time after all—and him saying you guys needed to talk only heightened your nerves.

"It's better to talk in person. Where are you? I can pick you up." You shake your head, despite not him being able to see you. "N-No, i’ll come over...is that okay?"

"Yeah, of course, I'll see you soon." With that, the call ends. You can feel Jungkook’s eyes on your back—its overwhelming, and you’re scared to face the definite disgust and judgement in his them, so you don’t look at him when lift your bag across your shoulder. "I’m sorry, I...I need to go.”

ACT IV | LOVE IS NOT OVER

Jungkook hasn't seen you since last night. You never showed up at the meeting spot, never answered his calls or texts—never even once read the 68 of them.

He was certain you came, though—he checked in with Mrs. Yoon before boarding, but you were always good at hiding, and Jungkook was always an impatient seeker. The whole process of arriving, checking into the hotel, and splitting into groups was a whole blur that ended in him never finding you. After spending hours exploring the designated routes through antique shops, cute cafes, pretty sceneries, and meadows with his friends, he started to fear that you didn't come after all—that Mrs. Yoon had made a mistake.

Surely, he would've bumped into you at least once through the whole trip. And where the fuck was Mr. Kim? Jeju was supposed to be the pinnacle of his highschool experience. He’d be elated with the giddiness of being out with his friends, kissed with the gift of delicious freedom. But it was 7:46 PM now, and even when he overlooked the vast beach dipped with sunset's entrancing glow, he felt anything but. Not when Seokjin cracked his lame dad jokes, nor when Eunha got him to bike through scenic trails.

Jungkook sighed as the strawberry milk clattered to the bottom of the vending machine. He spotted it tucked away from the corner of the museum his group wandered into. He excused himself, relieved that their chaperone actually trusted him to be by himself. He needed the space.

He poked the straw through the carton, leaning against the cold metal as his eyes gazed over the glistening waves. He hated you. Always leaving him like this, always making him restless and unsure.

It was when he looked for the moon in the dusk sky that he noticed a familiar silhouette amidst the shore. It wavered with the wind, and Jungkook instantly felt his scorn. The man's jeweled hand was holding a cigarette between two fingers, overlooking the ocean with distant eyes.

Fuck the sand, fuck his expensive shoes, fuck everything. Jungkook doesn't know when he starts running, but he doesn't stop.

It all happened so past—the sun would have missed it if not for the perfect view she had just over the excited ripples of the ocean. When Taehyung noticed his presence, it was already too late. Jungkook had grabbed his collar, and without a second of hesitance, punched him across his face. Taehyung fell into the sand with a grunt, cursing loudly. “What the fuck?!” He turned to his perpetrator, his glare quickly diminishing into pure shock to see his own student right in front of him, eyes poisoned with resentment and hatred.

Taehyung's emotions came whirling at him all at once. The confusion, then the anger, the urge to scream at him and punch him until he was left bleeding on the shore—then the mediating side of him, understanding that he'd done more than enough to get his ass fired, why the fuck would he...?—then the realization. He sighs roughly, shaking his head as he stands. He isn't up for long though, as Jungkook takes another swing. Taehyung’s cheeks scream with stinging pain, but Jungkook’s on top of him, and he doesn’t stop.

"You fucking bitch!" Jungkook seethed, barely feeling his fist continuously bury into Taehyung’s face. He knew. He knew how much you loved him, he knew Taehyung helped you. He knew you'd get angry, maybe even hate him for the rest of his life for this—But maybe that's why he couldn't control himself. He didn't care if you thought Taehyung was some angel. To him, Taehyung was just a disgusting predator who took advantage of your situation, and deep down, maybe it was more for a selfish reason. Taehyung was a man who touched you, who had you—who wasn’t him. "You disgusting fuck. Don't ever fucking touch y/n again, you hear me?!" Another hit, but Jungkook is too blinded with anger to realize the scary amount of blood drooling down his nose and lips, from the cuts of his cheeks. "I know," Taehyung rasps.

"If you know then why did you do it?! You’re a fucking creep, you’re disgusting.”

"I know," another hit, and blood stains his shirt. Taehyung curses and grabs Jungkook's fist before he can throw another punch, pushing him into the sand. "You dick, I swear to god, I swear to fucking god I'll fucking kill you." Jungkook thrashes under Taehyung, but the teacher buries both his wrists into the ground, his weight holding the younger boy down.

“Sh-Shit, Look, I know how you must feel about me, and I know I deserve this, but I would much rather avoid being seen like this so I'm going to say this quick and you're going to listen."

"Fuck you," Jungkook growls, glaring at the man on top of him. His eyes were unreadable, almost enigmatic, and Jungkook hated every unwavering speckle of deep brown in it.

"I don't regret it," Taehyung disregards him. "I liked her—y/n—and no matter what you think of me, that stands true. You must like her too, she told me about you some nights. I have to admit, hearing about another boy when she's laying in my own bed wasn't very pleasant for me, but you made her happy. You mean a lot to her," Jungkook shut his eyes tightly, cursing as he tried to get the image of Taehyung holding you in his arms out of his mind. "I know you don't think I care about her, but I do, so just fucking listen for a second okay? I know i'm no good for her, but you aren't either. You're too immature, we both know y/n deserves way more. See where you are now? Right under me when you could be there for her? Have you even seen her today? Have you asked her how she's been?"

"What... what the fuck are you saying."

Taehyung sighs, and stumbles back to stand, wincing as the harsh winds slap his bloodied face. He nimbly looks for his cigarette, and before he lights it, Jungkook grabs his lighter. "I said what the fuck do you mean?!"

"I ended it with her," Taehyung glares at him, his voice firm, cold as he snatches the lighter back. Jungkook feels his heart drop. “You...what?"

There's silence, and when the man turns to look at the sun drowning into the ocean’s abyss, he lights the cigarette, "the fireworks are starting soon." Jungkook's eyes widens. Before he knows it, he's already running.

You’ve always loved the fireworks.

His footsteps that were submerged into sand were now padding against the concrete of the sidewalk, his heart pounding in his ears. A few cars must have honked at him here and there as he ran through the streets, unknowing of his surrounding because all he can think of his getting to his destination—you. He frantically reaches for his phone, panting.

You

JK : where are you?

my love : my room

my love : 613, 7th floor

JK : on my way.

ACT V. | HOLD ME TIGHT

At least the fireworks were pretty.

Your eyelids drooped, puffed with drowsy red as you watched the sparkling scene on the balcony of the hotel. Evening's cold breeze teased your bare legs, dancing with the delicate ends of your black, satin nightgown. You were hugging yourself yourself, leaning against the cold railings as sparks of vivid red shatter into memories tainted with heartbreak. The red silk sheets that you grasped tightly beneath you. The red lingerie that Taehyung slid off your skin. The red wine he poured into the pan when you told him you were hungry. You liked watching him the most, you thought as he stood in front of the stove, his eyes trained on the steak. You liked watching him unbutton his top, talk about his day, how he let out loud laughter whenever a funny story would come up. You loved when he unveiled himself for you, when he'd strip off his enigmatic persona bare and let you peer into his soul.

But that's all you ever did, you guessed, all you ever could do. You watched him when he smiled down at you, his cold fingertips brushing your waist, and you watched him as he left.

It must've been 4 minutes into the firework show when you heard the doorbell ring. Sighing, you leave the balcony as yellow ignites the night sky. You open the door to Jungkook, his chest heaving up and down, his hair tousled by wind, beads of sweat sticking to his neck.

When he doesn't say anything, and neither do you, you step aside to let him in. You wonder if he was still angry about last night, how he'd react when you tell him—but with the way he looked down at you, tender eyes dawned with sadness, you already understand you don’t have to. "I know," Jungkook steps closer, pulling you into a hug. His warmth embraces you as darkness does when the door clicks shut. "What happened, I know."

You sighed, closing your eyes. The fireworks sounded so distant compared to his heartbeat. Jungkook must've ran for you, you thought as your buried your face into his chest. Of course he would, he always has. Maybe that certainty is what intoxicates you to murmur, "I'll accept it."

"What?"

"What you proposed last night, I'll accept it," you say calmly, quietly. You looked up at him with wavering eyes, "please...I need you right now."

Jungkook's heart practically lurched out of his chest. He knew he should take a step back, tell you that you'd end up regretting it and to take it back before it was too late. He knew, but the devil on his shoulder was much more insistent than his angel, and maybe... maybe his angel wanted it too—so fuck it all.

Jungkook took your lips in a magnetic dance, drawing you closer into him with one hand on your lower back and the other behind your head.

God, you were so lovely. How your head lolled for him, soft, plush lips jarred open. Jungkook has always been good at controlling himself when it came to you, but when he heard the slightest whimper escape your trembling lips, he felt he couldn't hold himself back any longer.

He didn't seek for permission to suck your lower lip, didn’t even seek permission to slide his tongue inside your lovely little mouth when you gasped. He held your chin, deepening the kiss. More, more, more—he wanted more of you. He wanted to explore your body, wanted to make your breath tremble, wanted to find out what you liked and disliked under bedsheets. Jungkook wanted to know you better than anyone else had. He wanted you, needed you.

“Kook,” You whimper into him as he pushes you against the wall, holding your thigh up. He grinds his bulge against your clothed cunt, sending wild tremors along your nerves. “F-feels so good.”

“Yeah?” He takes your other thigh, and you yelp as he lifts you up. Your surprise quickly washes out with haze when he buries his thick tent further into you. You let out a moan, wrapping your legs around his torso. “I can make you feel even better.”

The explosions of the fireworks are blurred with the palpitations of your heart as Jungkook lays you on the bed, his lips immediately finding home in yours. "Love how you sound for me, love," Jungkook’s wet, needy kisses trail down your neck...to your collarbones...to your breast. “So pretty like this, always so pretty,” his fingers ghost your sensitive nipples, perked from evening's cold. He doesn't waste any time to take one nipple into his mouth, his fingers playing with the other.

His cold hand trails down your stomach, finally pressing it down your soaked underwear. He smirks, feeling the soaked outline of your pussy lips. “Already so wet for me baby? How cute."

His plush lips leave your nipple with a pop, instead latching onto the crook of your neck. Your eyes go wide when you realize what he's about to do. “Wait, d-don’t! Not th—ah.” He doesn't allow you to finish your sentence, swiftly sliding your underwear out of the way before pressing a hard thumb over your clit. “Don't deny me, y/n,” His voice is low over your whiny moans. He sucks on the supple of your skin as he slides one, slender finger into you, smoothly drawing it in and out while he rolls your little bud with his other. “Please, need to show everyone that you’re mine,” he murmurs, licking his work, perfectly tinged with a pretty pink . “Besides...” he trails, taking note of your arousal dripping down his wrists. “You love this, don’t you?”

“N-No..! I...ah, K-Kook, Kookie..!” Your voice fails you, moans escaping from your trembling lips. “Jungkook s-stop..!” Jungkook frowns against your skin, and he lifts his head up to meet your gaze. “Why not?” His eyes are dark. You try to fight the muddle of your mind as his slow, tentative fingers continue to work on your cunt. “B-Because...because student c-council. It's inappropriate, and your friends will ask, a-and... mm!—“

“Taehyung?” Jungkook says bitterly, but you’re too indulged with the knot in your stomach. You moan loudly, your hands finding anchor wrapped around his biceps. “I'm sure you don’t want Taehyung to see, do you?” Jungkook's pace is furious now, and you barely make out his words through the thick fog of your mind. You feel so close. “Don’t want him to know that you're with me, hm? That i’m finger fucking you into my dumb whore."

His indecent words paint a wild blush on your cheeks. You never knew Jungkook could be like this, could be so mean.

"You know what I think..."

Jungkook lowers himself down between your sweaty thighs, quivering with painful pleasure. "''Think my dumb babygirl wants me to clean her messy little pussy up. Would you like that, love?"

"Y-Yeah," you moan, desperately bucking your hips up, "p-please eat me out, Kook."

"Needy girl," Jungkook lets out a sigh, his pants tightening around his painful hard on. You were so pretty like this, Jungkook swore he could cum just by watching you.

You almost cry when he pulls his fingers away, instead squeezing around your squishy hips. You do cry, though, when he gives your pussy a tantalizing lick, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. "Knew my baby girl would taste so sweet," he groans. His tongue circles around your throbbing bud, sucking on it.

"Fuck! K-Kook, I-I can't," you wail, tears falling down your cheeks. Jungkook only flutters his eyes open, watching you with heated eyes as his tongue works on your wet cunt.

"Please, g-gonna cum, please!" Your back arches. Jungkook's hands the only thing anchoring you down.

"Then cum, baby, cum for me." Jungkok's voice is tender, coaxing like warm honey. With his encouragement, your dripping cunt spasms, unfurling your cream all over him. "That's my girl," His attentive tongue takes your sweet release, the embarrassing sound of slurping clouding your brain.

"You were so good for me, baby," He cooes, planting one final kiss on your quivering bud. Your cheeks tinge with a shy pink.

He lifts himself up, carefully laying over you so his forehead is pressed against yours. His eyes search yours under the veil of the moonlight. The fireworks must've stopped along the way, your heavy breaths filling the quiet room. "Tired, love?" Jungkook whispers, and you nod timidly, reaching your arms out to hug him.

Your skin is sticky with sweat like melting ice cream on hot summer days, but Jungkook adores his body pressed against yours. His fingers squeeze your smooth waist, placing gentle kisses on your neck, up your jaw, capturing your lips once more in a slow dance. A thin string line of saliva connects the two of you when he pulls back, and he breaks it off with a gentle graze across your wet lips.

"Think you can continue for me, baby?" Jungkook asks soothingly. "It's okay if you can't, of course. Must've been such a long day for you."

You shake your head, your hand lightly tracing the outline of the small scar on his cheek. You still remember the day he fell off his bicycle, somehow managing to tumble down the hill all the way to the train tracks. It must've been the first time you ever saw him cry.

"I want to."

"Are you sure?" His eyebrows perk up. "Because we really don't have to. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to please me. I know you took my offer, but if you aren't ready or comfortable, nothing has to happen. Believe it or not, pleasuring you already makes me feel euphoric." His words have you melt, gentle as a sweet night's lullaby.

"But I want us to feel good together," you say softly. "Please take me, Kookie. I want you." Jungkook's eyes widen, faint pink blooming on his cheeks, and you watch the stars in his eyes grow brighter with your shy gaze. He lets out a small chuckle, "god, you really don't know what you do to me, y/n."

He places a gentle peck on your lips one last time before rising to his knees, discarding his clothes. You're quick to slip off your nightdress and underwear, and you patiently admire Jungkook's toned physique as he worked to unbuckle his belt. Even the moon was enamored with him, tracing its luminous glow from his broad shoulders to his biceps, wrapping around his slim waist.

Your breath hitches when his dick springs out right in front of you, thick and swollen, oozing pre cum. Jungkook watches you with heated eyes, his hand grazing his dick. "Wow," you breathe, sitting up and replacing his hand with yours. Jungkook's hisses when you stroke his cock, doe eyed to his length that throbbed with neglect. "You're so pretty, Kookie. You're pretty everywhere..."

"I should be the one who's telling you that, darling," he lets out a shaky breath through his smile, his hand finding your cheek. "Now, i’d love for that lovely little mouth of yours to suck my cock, but I feel like i'm gonna explode any minute now, and i'd like to do so inside of you," he chuckles when a furious blush takes your cheeks. You let him push you down, positioning himself in between your legs. He takes his pulsating cock in his hands, sliding his glistening head over your cunt. "Would you like that baby? Want me to cum in this cute little pussy? Wanna take Kook's cum like a good girl?" You feel yourself shy from his words, whimpering, "y-yes please, Kookie."

"Tell me how much you want it, baby."

"S-So bad. Kookie p-please, want you to fill me up."

"Yeah?" Jungkook chuckled, a cocky smirk on his lips that made you tremble. "Think your tiny pussy can even take my cock?"

"Y-Yes, m'pussy wants your cock, p-please Kook!"

"Dirty girl, love it when you beg for me," he pushes the blunt head of his cock into your swelling entrance, already having you see stars by the time he fills you up whole. "You okay?" Jungkook breathes out, his forehead falling against yours. You nodded timidly, "j-just need a little time to adjust."

"Okay, baby, tell me when you're ready." He pecks your nose, letting out a shaky sigh as your walls clench around him. When you do, Jungkook takes your knees, pushing them on either side of you so your legs are spread out wide for him.

He pulls out his whole cock so he could see the flush tip of his cock before plunging back into you. You moan loudly to his even pace, bottoming you out with every thrust.

"F-fuck, been wishing for this forever. Just want to punish this pussy for making me wait for this long."

Harsh skin to skin contact and the squelch of your juices mixing together fills your fuzzy mind. You felt so full, you could practically feel him in your belly. "Shit, you're practically swallowing me. You like this, don't you?"

"Y-yeah, love your cock, Kookie," you moan, his pace growing faster and more unforgiving. "I'm never letting you go after this, fuck y/n. You're mine, you’re so fucking mine. Say it, say you're mine, p-please."

"Yours," you whimper, feeling the familiar tingling ecstasy overwhelm your stomach. "O-Only yours, Kookie."

"That's right, baby, open your mouth." You didn't know exactly why, but you didn't question him. He could tell you to do absolutely anything right now and you'd do it. Your wet lips jar open for him, and Jungkook spits in your mouth, sending a wave of tremor through your body. "Swallow."

You listen, obediently swallowing. "That's my girl."

"Kookie, kookie...m'gonna cum!"

"Again baby? You’re so easy, barely have to do anything and you're spilling." You moan to his words, thrusting in and out of you in a hypnotic pace. "Go on then, baby. Cum for me, make a mess over my balls."

Your whole body tenses, feeling the overwhelming wave wash over you. Eyes rolling to the back of your head, you release around him the second time. "Good girl, baby, so good for me, fuck," Jungkook hisses to your tightening walls squeezing around him, driving himself into your belly until he pours all his cum deep inside of you.

You practically drooled, his load coming out in spurts of thick cream. When he pulls out, your pussy twitches, his cum oozing out. He falls onto your chest, and your heavy pants fill the room.

After awhile, Jungkook lazily pulls you to lay over him. "Okay, baby?"

"Mm," you murmur into his sweaty chest, trying to recollect your breath. You open your mouth to thank him, but a loud explosion takes your voice. In a second, waves of yellow wash the room, then blue, then purple. Your tiredness subdues into drowsy awe. You sit up and Jungkook does too, positioning you on his lap. "I think this is the second show. Timing is fitting don't you think?"

You giggle, and Jungkook sees daylight in your eyes. "Too fitting. I'm starting to think that this was all part of some big plan."

Jungkook rolls his eyes, laughing as he tucks a hair behind your ear. "Silly girl, of course it is." You look at him quizzically. "We're soulmates aren't we? The universe is just celebrating us."

You smile, sighing as you lean into his chest. "Whatever you say, my soulmate." Jungkook's eyes widen. He felt twelve again, dumbstruck euphoria overwhelming his love for you any time you called him yours. His shock settles into a soft smile, holding you in his arms while you watch the fireworks. It takes him awhile to realize your eyes are closed though.

"Sleepy, love? Thought you loved the fireworks."

"I do," you giggle, pushing him down onto the soft mattress. You snuggle into his chest. "Just listening to your heartbeat."

Jungkook blushes. He was going to urge you to clean up, but with you looking so cozy on top of him, he knew you'd much rather rest. He sighs lovingly, stroking your hair. He hasn't felt this happy in awhile. "About your payment, I’ll wire $800 just for tomorrow, but we’ll officially talk about the—"

“Shhhh!” You grumble, burying your head further into him. “Don’t wanna talk about money right now, just let me be with you.”

Jungkook blinks, and you look up to him with a pout. Purple lights up the seoul's night sky, casting an soft glow on Jungkook’s face. He chuckles, thumb brushing your cheeks.

"Needy girl.”

a/n : wooooo this took the longest time to write. its pretty bulky so whoevers got to this point i love you sosososo and i hope you enjoyed my work ! feedback is welcome and super appreciated, reading comments really do make my day <3 i was thinking of making a sequel/continuation for this but im not so sure ,, we'll see. anyways, i hope you have a lovely day my loves ! stay hydrated and healthy, i hope you eat good food today. make sure to take care of yourself too !

[everafterkeiji]

Song: drivers license by Olivia Rodrigo

Summary: How the flashing lights in the street bring you to the moment that was once yours and Oikawas.

Parings: Tooru Oikawa x fem! reader

Word count: 7.3k

Genre: angst

A/N: fuck it honestly, self control we don't know her boo, pls be careful with the flashbacks and little details, enjoy pt. 1 <33

next

"Can't you give me just one more kiss?" Oikawa begs, leaning his arm behind your seat as you see his irresistible pout resting on his lips. You chuckle before leaning close to him and him copying your actions.

Lips lingering with each other, as he removes his arm behind you to ghost upon your cheek. It was so intoxicating, a distance too great that was covered in tension. He glides his finger through your lips before resting it on your chin.

"Run away with me."

He states, closing his eyes and leaning his forehead to yours with a shaky sigh, his hand now running through the hair from the back of your neck. You smile at his words, caressing his arm, shutting your eyes like he did, embracing his warmth in his car.

"And we'd go everywhere?"

"Everywhere, any time, you name it babe." He whispers with desperation in his tone. This close. Why can't he hold you like this forever? A tear nearly escapes his eye as he cherishes your touch. Why did he have to lose contact with his true self?

He opens his eyes to see yours closed and in full serenity. He bites his lip before allowing the tears to cast down his cheeks. He tried not to sniffle so you'd let this moment last without any trace of pain.

"In that case, I'm not driving."

You joked, making him let out a soft laugh as he wipes his tears before you can see. Instead, he leans in finally breaking the distance between you two. You kissed back, not knowing his cheeks were tear stained as he lets his lips tell his apology. This wasn't him, this wasn't a kiss that could last more than once.

He hesitantly pulls away as you caress his cheeks as he leans into your touch, melting in the skin he's adored every inch of. He takes in the way you stared at him, the lights of the passing cars glowing on your face as his hands shakes at the sight of you.

He wished the silence wouldn't give out how painful it was to watch you like this, so with a disguise, he smiles.

"You'll be able to in the future." He says, earning him an ache to surround his heart. You intertwine your hands with his, your thumb assuring him since you've noticed a change in his aura.

"Maybe, but it's still you and me right?"

His eyes wander around his car, reminiscing on each memory that you've made in just a vehicle. Every moment where you'd leave the window open, freedom in your clutch. Every time your voices were close to being gone from furiously shouting the lyrics. All the times you'd rather sleep in his car and run from your problems. Even the random placements of clothes from the two of you, to scattered photographs and snack wrappers.

Just one more, Tooru.

"You and me, love. That's all it takes. "

You let your head rest on his shoulder as he turns on the engine, surprising you with your hands still intertwined with his.

"What'd you say babe? One last drive?"

You nod happily as he chuckles looking at you before driving, his facade weakening with every mile.

One more.

-

"Pick up, Tooru!" You shout, aggressively clicking the button on your phone as each call was heard with his voice mail. You threw the phone to the floor as you let out a scream, your throat begging you to stop torturing yourself.

"Pick up!" You scream once again before lying down on the bed, not giving a care that your sobs echoed outside his apartment. Your cheeks were warm, with heavy eyes and mascara staining the pillow cases. Tears nonstop with the crumpled paper in your hand. Shaking uncontrollably as you denied what he's done.

Running to your door, the breeze greeting your legs since you wore his hoodie to sleep and little shorts to cover the weather. Frantically turning left and right to reach the entrance of the building.

You let your hand cover your mouth as you see his car nowhere in your sight. You gripped on the handle of the door to steady yourself from falling, with your sob catching the attention of strangers.

"Y/N! Fuck- I'm here- hey I'm here."

Clouded with water, you barely recognize the person who was hugging you tightly. Falling to the rough surface of the ground, he joined you in your downfall and it seemed that nothing made sense anymore. The noise of the world drifted far from you as the only sound that replayed was his words, and you despised it.

How come it was only you?

"Y/N- I got you, it's okay now." Iwaizumi whispers but you shook your head punching his back as you fell into a state you didn't know Oikawa could put you in, solitude.

Iwaizumi hated hearing you cuss at the universe. It still scares him the way the color was drained out of your body when he saw you got out of the apartment looking like an absolute tragedy. Your punches felt numb to him but he couldn't ignore how painful it was to hear you scream Oikawa names, and for him to desperately come back.

"W-why-" You couldn't form the words properly since you were having trouble breathing. Iwaizumi carried you in his arms since he noticed your knee had been scraped, as he tried his hardest not to fall in rage for his best friend.

"I'll be here. C'mon, let's calm you down yeah?" He assures you making you nod, left with no energy but what remained was your heart torn by the person you loved the most.

-

You woke up to Iwaizumis voice making you shift in the sheets, mistaking him for your Tooru. When you opened your eyes, you didn't see your favorite pair of brown eyes instead you were face to face with the same hue but a different person.

"Y/N- hey I got somewhere to go to today but I made breakfast, is that okay?" He asks softly, a comforting hand to your shoulder. You nod as he smiles standing up to open the curtains now that you were wide awake.

"Thank you, Hajime." You bid him as he sits down on the bed, beside you. You turn to where he is and stare at him, overwhelmed with how he chose to stay.

"I'll be gone for half the day." He states as you sit up slowly, rubbing your eyes.

"I've never seen a birds nest this up close before." He jokes making you glare at him before punching his shoulder as he laughs.

"Says the fucking spikey ass hair." You threw back as he laughs, delighted that your past self was resurfacing every now and then.

"What about you? Don't you have any plans today?" He asks as you check your phone. You sigh as you saw the reminder on your phone as he takes a peak and his heart drops at it.

"It's nothing."

"You have to go. "

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"Okay now put your foot here babe." You obeyed Oikawas words as he pecks your cheek. Before you could insert the key in, he stops you. Questioning him, he turns to you with a smug smirk before leaning close to your lips.

You expected him to kiss you the way that he does but instead he pulls away before strapping you in, putting your safety first before kissing you. He laughs at how you were clearly upset that he lead you on. He strapped himself in as well.

"You'll get that kiss if we make it out here alive." He jokes as you gasp in betrayal, making him stick out his tongue, still taunting you.

"I'm kidding baby! But you will get that kiss when we reach that pole over there." You glanced to where he was pointing as you sighed in relief at how easy it was. Turning on the engine, he smiles at how eager you were to succeed.

"Then I'll get us there."

"Y/N-" he bites his lips before he could throw you something he'd regret. You look to him, wondering why he became silent. Clicking in your mind that he's being careful with his words since Oikawa left, you leaned your head on his arm.

"I know, Iwa. I'm sorry." You apologized so suddenly, surprising him that you'd catch up on his behavior. He shakes his head before wrapping his arm around yours, just like he always would.

"I know how much this means to you. Hate me for saying this, but he'd be proud to see you get it." He says, making you smile at how honest he was. If he were here, he'd immediately bring you to your favorite restaurant and go all out just because you aced it. To others, it'd look like another step into growing up, learning how to drive and how to maintain the quality of the car.

It wouldn't be this important if his words didn't paint you perfect memories.

"You know what makes me so excited?" Oikawa asks as you continued to run your fingers through his brown locks. His head was laid on your lap as he draws constellations in the air, smiling to himself.

"What is it babe?"

"I'll get my drivers license." You whispered as Iwaizumi pats your hair, happy that you managed to push yourself through that cloud of sorrow.

"Okay that is extremely random, Tooru." You chuckled but he shakes his head before sitting up to meet with you. Slowly, he pulls you into his lap as you wrap your arms around his neck as his hand loosely finds its home to your waist.

"We don't have to wait anymore, think about it." He asks making you focus on what he's hinting to. Once he realizes you couldn't figure it out, he chuckles before pulling you to him gently. Your heart beating too quickly for you to even realize that it felt normal for you to be this dangerously close to him.

"We can come home to each other."

At first you questioned why he was so worked up in teaching you how to drive and finally getting your drivers license, but now it was too clear for you and you hated it.

"Call me when you get it ok? Maybe by dinner we can celebrate?" Iwaizumi suggests as you nod, genuinely smiling that he was there to celebrate with you. You immediately wrap your arms around him as he does the same, closing his eyes, proud of you.

"You got this." He whispers as you embraced him longer, desperately wanting to cry at how thankful you were for him. Iwaizumi feels a flush to his cheeks as he pulls away, fearful of the pace of his heart.

"Well don't get my shirt wet with your tears again- I need to look presentable!" He jokes make you wipes your eyes as he smiles when he hears your laugh.

-

Hajime: I'm sorry I can't make it tonight, Y/N. I'll promise I'll make it up to you by morning.

That was the message that was sent to you hours ago yet here at 11pm, you were staring at the movie in the ceiling. Oikawa insisted buying a projector for the two of you to enjoy movies in the comfort of your own space. So using it now felt nostalgic remembering how much he loved this movie.

Sighing, you sat up as you lift the drink to your lips, relieved at the sensation of alcohol entering your mouth. It's been a while since you've got a hold of it. Iwaizumi being protective of the amount you could consume while he was gone so he kept the alcohol cabinet away from you. He promised that he'd allow you to drink once a month because he was indeed worried for your health if you allowed yourself to drink everyday.

On this day, you chose to ask him if it'd be okay to drink. Understanding the pain that you were in, he agreed. Before he went away, he got the key and unlocked the cabinet handing you your favorite drink. You thanked him as usual, now being satisfied with being alone with a bottle of liquor that could temporarily drown the pain.

Hearing a smack from where the projector was set up, the bright lights of the ending movie flashed through your eyes so you shield yourself from it. You immediately turn your back to the projector that was now facing you since it's lost it balance from your previous angle.

The credits rolled in as you reached for your laptop to stop the screening but then another video plays, making you read the date of the video.

"Hello! Unfortunately I'm still here in the car but I'm making this video as proof if I died, it's because of my girlfriend right here who can't drive properly."

It's him.

Turning your attention to the video playing in front of you. You scoot to the left so your silhouette doesn't create a barrier while you watched.

You had a hand to your mouth, lost at words for this unexpected video to play. His voice immediately brought you to tears as you gripped the pillow beside you as your laughter in the video echoed in the background.

"For the record- I'm learning so get this camera away from me, Tooru!" You defended yourself as Oikawa looks at the camera before rolling his eyes.

"On this episode, I'm teaching her how to park! So wish me good luck- maybe prepare a casket for my car." You immediately slap his shoulder as he lets a loud laugh. He sets the camera in a better landscape angle.

You smiled at his teases. It struck you how much you missed his little remarks that would always make your day. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you watched the way he looks at you as you tried to figure out which direction to turn to. His stare was one of the things many people wished they could experience.

A look as if you were the reason they believed in love and how endless it was.

Surprisingly, in your last drive, he still looked at you the same way.

Your chest tightens as you fell for his illusion. It felt like it'd be an eternity for you to move on from how he looked that night. You should've asked him why a tear landed on your clothes, why was his fingers cold and trembling? You thought that his kiss felt like the one you'd receive when you finally hear the priest bid you two as husband and wife but it was a kiss that held farewell in secret.

"Would you look at that! I'm alive and barely a scratch on my car so far- good job baby!" He cheers engulfing you in his arms. You swarmed him in sweet and tiny kisses as he giggles at each one before placing a delicate to your lips, closing his eyes as you pull him closer placing your hand on his cheek.

You wondered if there was something that could hold you back from how much you allowed yourself to endure the pain this long. Moving closer to the wall, your chest heavily coming up and down, difficulty in finding a way to breathe properly.

Kneeling to reach him, you let your hand touch the wall as your hand lands in Oikawas face as he laughs at something you said in the video. You felt how you closed your eyes and reminiscing on what it felt like to hold him in your hands again. His soft lips, his skin that warms you up during your cuddles, his hair that would be snuggled in your neck when he embraced you.

"I love you, Y/N."

He says, leading you to sob as you turned away from the wall, the light of the projector passing through you as you dropped to the bed with knees to your chest, the walls of the room was familiarized with your cries again.

You felt every part of you crumble as you continued to scream, having another miserable night. You'd rise from your knee from time to time to gasp for air from the unstable breathing.

You felt like a stranger to him.

That alone was enough for you to be swallowed by darkness once again.

-

How careless was he to assume you'd give him a call?

You're probably out with Iwaizumi celebrating and driving freely with him. Oikawa sighs as he removes the reminder from his phone as he takes another punch to the steering wheel as he feels the irony hit him that he's jealous of his best friend.

For someone who has been with you since you went to Aoba Johsai, Iwaizumi would've been perfect for you, Oikawa thinks. To keep you grounded, to take his position in making you the happiest.

He's everything Oikawa is but the difference is that Iwaizumi was the one who could give you more, and importantly, he stayed.

And nothing scared the setter more than to lose you to a person that can truly love you more than he ever could.

Though it feels like he's defeated already.

"Sir! Good morning, this is Oikawa from room 104?" He greets through the phone as the man smiles fondly at the sweet boy who he's seen chasing around in the hallway with his girlfriend.

"Ah! Mr. Oikawa! I barely see you nowadays what happened?" Oikawa sighs, running a hand through his hair, debating on what answer to give to the landlord.

"I've been okay sir, I just called to ask about the payment due-"

"No worries Oikawa-kun, the man took care of it for this month!"

Man?

"E-excuse me sir?"

His heart was beating too loudly at the sudden information. What man? He feels sweat rushing to him, heavily anxious of what happened to you and his apartment.

"Hajime was it? Ah anyway he's covered it this time!"

Iwaizumi?

It felt as if he was struck down by force as he drops to his couch with his mouth agape and eyes widened with his heart raging too fast for his liking. He let out a gasp, putting each piece into its place as he feels a swift of the threatening atmosphere surround him, along with anger.

"H-he's my friend sir- does he stop by often?" He asks, biting his fingers in anxiousness. With his other hand, he reaches for a pillow, gripping it tightly like he'd want it to collapse in his hand.

"Often? He lives there silly. I was honestly surprised you'd let him but I guess young love isn't for everyone, son."

He didn't even notice that he's thrown the pillow all the way across the room as he stands up, his phone held tightly in his hands, wanting nothing more than to be slammed to the floor but with sourness in his tone, regret in his heart then he replies.

"You're right."

After that day, even if it's been months since he was informed, he chose to feel numb but there was a tug on his heart at the thought of Iwaizumi taking care of you. You deserved every ounce of effort that the ace gives you. Oikawa is more than thankful that Iwaizumi was there to wipe your tears and embrace you since he was the one to cause you this overwhelming amount of pain.

But he didn't expect this.

"Iwa-chan, how are you?" He asks with envy hidden from his true intentions of calling him. Iwaizumi stretches, tired from the workout as he answers the boy.

"I'm tired. What about you?" Oikawa lets out a mocking laugh as he leans on the couch, hands behind his head but both hands were formed into fists as he converses with him.

"I'm sure Y/N is there to patch you up huh?" He exclaims making Iwaizumi sit up, nervous at the outburst but then he looks at the apartment, seeing your sleeping state on the couch, and he sighs. Oikawa was bound to know sooner or later.

"I'm sorry Oikawa but-"

"Hajime that's my apartment!"

"And she was your girl wasn't she? But where are you right now!"

He was at lost for words, like the life of him was knocked out of him, deeply taking in Iwaizumis words. It was unhealthy with how much he was shaking and how he felt so cold and empty. On the other end, Hajime bites his lip, suddenly regretting his words but he can't turn back knowing it struck a nerve to Oikawa.

"Oikawa, listen to me." Iwaizumi starts as the setter was left to no other option then to obey since he couldn't think of anything else to respond to him.

"I know you love her but you're never going to be there for her. You asked me to go to her when you left and it's been a year. I know it's a dick move to move in with her but I don't trust her when she's alone. If you ask her, it feels like it's been forever so I'm just- being there for her cause she needs me."

He hated how right he was. If he would be honest, leaving you alone would be the least appropriate thing to do. All he can hear was your screams and imagining the way you look made his heart throb with too many emotions.

What made him lose was the fact that he can come back with hundreds of medals, but he'll never have you.

And Iwaizumi was more than ready to win.

-

He was surprised to see you awake at 12am but seeing how distraught you were, he couldn't help but want to end the day with you smiling or at least a reaction where he'd feel his heart flutter at the sight of it so he sighs before asking.

"Wanna go for a drive?"

The question that left you with so much trauma, sounded so soft when Hajime said it bringing a new feeling to it. It didn't sound like an unfulfilled promise and you nod to him knowing he could never hurt you the way Oikawa did.

Maybe it was best for you to escape the apartment.

Spending time with Iwaizumi as you drove around made you realize that there was a world where you can enjoy life without wondering about him.

Or maybe because it was suffocating.

Being in your apartment and Iwaizumi moving in with you was something your heart can never handle. To this day, you couldn't put into words how you despised that Iwaizumi had to care for you so much, even letting him living with you for a year. You admired the way he's known you since high school and now that you all had to choose different paths but he still took the one that had you in it since Tooru left you stranded.

With every tear that left your eyes, he was one step ahead to wipe them away and comfort you with his embrace. His patience when he sees you passed out on the couch from binge watching a series you were never really interested in, even to bringing you to random events just to spark your interest like you had back in school. Taking the time for you to fully open yourself to him by sharing your memories with Oikawa and why you've gained an attachment to his white car that held too many memories for you to just let go instantly.

At first, Iwaizumi wanted to laugh at how simple it was. What was so special about these late night drives and basic driving lessons from him? Wasn't that just one of the little things included in a relationship?

But then he sees the way you'd always ask him to put the windows down and how you preferred driving at night, driving without a specific location. Even when you'd clung to the seatbelt when he'd drive in the rain. He was more than curious. There were so many questions in his head but he had to give you some space knowing these memories course through your heart and mind everyday.

Now looking at you as you leaned on the seat with a solemn look on your face, he realizes how heavy it was for you to drive like this, without him by your side.

"He's proud of you, you know?" Iwaizumi whispers as you shift your body to face him, leaning your head on the seat.

"If only that was true." You whispered as he shakes his head before hesitantly sets his hand on your knee as a way of reassurance.

"I never understood it at first but now I guess it makes a fuck lot of sense why you didn't wanna get your drivers license." He comments, making you nod drunkenly.

"Because what's a journey without him?"

Iwaizumi then shifts his body like you did, fully invested in whatever you had to say feeling like this was finally the moment where you'd let him just how bad were those memories embedded in you.

"He used to say- that the best part of getting my license was that distance can never be a problem but says the asshole who's fucking miles away huh?" Iwaizumi knew that even if it was a joke, you held nothing but the truth. He sees the way your eyes didn't hold a sparkle anymore when Oikawas name was mentioned or just the sight of him. You didn't look like the lovesick fool back in high school, that made Iwaizumi realize how love makes such an impact on a person.

"I don't even know who to come home to anymore."

"You have me."

Iwaizumi boldly confesses as your eyes gaze at him, wide eyed at his statement. How come it held something that you could never figure out? Realizing that he held his heart in his hands, he switches the tone of his voice, finding it hard to fight the urge to be real with himself.

"As your friend, idiot. Plus, I don't trust you around cup noodles." He adds, trying to clear the tension that surrounded the two of you. Smiling at him, you close your eyes, wondering why it felt right to be in this moment. You felt your self drown in intoxication as you took him by surprise as you let your hand rest on his cheek as Iwaizumi flinches at the sudden contact but finds himself accepting it, ignoring the pleas of his thoughts to back away.

"Don't fall in love with my broken pieces, Hajime. You deserve someone who is- complete."

You let a tear slip from your eyes as it mixed with exhaustion as Iwaizumi lets out an anxious breath as he takes in every word you said.

Yet there he was picking every piece of you wherever you went, admiring each of them.

Before he could answer, he felt your hand slip away from his skin and he turns to see you asleep. He gently puts you back in your seat, putting on your seatbelt as he frustratedly runs his fingers through his dark hair as he feels the trembling of his fingers. Hands to the steering wheel, gripping it knowing he's betrayed his own promise.

Opening his phone to check the time, what flashes before him was a photo of the three of you when you graduated. He sees Oikawa with a hand to your waist, grinning brightly at the camera while you had your eyes closed with a smile, holding out a peace sign. His eyes linger on Oikawa before he watches over your figure on the passenger seat.

Lastly, he throws his head back before glancing at Oikawa in the picture, closing his eyes before painfully whispering to himself.

"I've never felt this way for no one."

He then shuts his phone as he turns on the engine, hoping that this isn't the night where he'll regret leaving his heart open.

-

"Don't overthink it." Iwaizumi whispers as you sniffle in his arms, he let his hands play with your hair as he removes the phone from your hands. Why did it have to be so early? It's 10am, both of you were utterly exhausted from the night before, one of you experiencing a heavy hang over, and the other just extremely tired from his racing thoughts.

Unfortunately, Hajime found you sat up frantically on the bed as he quickly stepped in just to see an image of a post from one of Oikawas fan pages. Spotted in multiple places were the one and only Oikawa Tooru, accompanied by a certain blonde. Captured in photos were segments of them in a café holding hands, smiles plastered on either lips. Which lead him to sit beside you and embrace you, seeing that your luck was purely running out.

You hated how in each photo, he looked painfully happy. Even if you were meant to skip the photo, how could you when this was real evidence that he's promises were turning into thin air the more you look at it. After a year of constant aches and wasted tears, here he was smiling, which you envied until the end.

"God- she's tall, gorgeous, I can never-" Iwaizumi shushes you as you wiped you tears as they continuously ran through his sweats. Iwaizumi leans his head on yours, sighing as he prepares himself, wishing that you'd realize that not enough words were there to describe how beautiful you were.

"Don't try to tell yourself that you can't compare to her- because you're all he could ever want. "

"Shit, I'm so sorry. " Iwaizumi says as he watches a figure pick up the ball that landed next to her, a ball that was spiked by him, almost hitting her directly. You turn around, the ball in your hands with a smile.

"No it's fine!" You say but Iwaizumi was struck with the view of you. You hand the ball to him but the beating of his heart was as loud as fireworks during New Years. He knows you, of course he does. Oikawa never stops ranting about you anyway, showing him multiple photos of you, completely bragging about the fact that he's got you to himself.

And fuck- you were prettier than what the pixels display you in the setters phone, you had the ace momentarily blank at your presence.

How lucky. He thinks.

"Iwaizumi was it? I'm Y/N!" You reach your hand out as he smiles at you, taking in your hand shaking it lightly, as he stared at your eyes and admired the way your lips were tugged in a beautiful smile.

So this is her. He says to himself and the feeling washes away when Oikawa walks up to greet you with a kiss to your cheek. Turning away, he shrugs his shoulders returning to play.

She's his.

"Believe me that Oikawa can never look at anyone else the way he does with you." He puts your face in between his hands, wiping your tears as you sobbed holding onto his him. Iwaizumi wanted to scream at how the world kept pushing you through your limit.

Seeing the images felt like the universe added salt to your open wounded heart. It felt like your heart was progressively being tossed around like it was nothing. How come everyday felt like you weren't given a chance to be at peace? How come the moment you felt the tiniest amount of calmness was being in the car with Iwaizumi and then the next day you were back to zero all over again.

The image of yourself was already broken when you let yourself completely fall for the insecurities, but how can you rise from all of it? When it was clear that she was all you ever wanted to be.

"Hey, why don't we take a break? For real now, Y/N. Let's just put the phone down and- rest." Iwaizumi whispers, caressing your cheek as you closed your eyes, desperate to remove all trace of emotion. You wanted to blur out the world even for a second and Iwaizumi could promise you a silence worth more than you could ever want.

Your lungs were giving out, every muscle in your body, every function. It felt like any time you could collapse from the lack of sleep, the lack of proper nutrients, the lack of a smile. Your confidence was down to one as you held onto Iwaizumis words, drifting off into what he said before about Oikawa.

If all that he could ever want was you, how come you didn't feel like you weren't what he needed?

-

"You know that you're just being an asshole at this point, Tooru." Iwaizumi says as Oikawa sighs at the other end of the line. The blonde casually looks over to the setter as she takes a sip of her coffee. Oikawa leans on the pillow as he chooses his words wisely.

"How is she?" He asks, he can imagine the way Iwaizumi would roll his eyes, followed by a disappointed scoff. Oikawa knew the way your mind would work, and it never grew on him how every motion of his would bring destruction to you in any shape or form.

"What do you think? She's fucking crying again."

Even if there was a pinch to his heart, he simply took a deep breath to sustain how painful it was.

"Who is she, Oikawa?" Iwaizumi asks desperately. Oikawa turns to the girl sat in the dinner table as she meekly smiles unknowing she was the certain topic of the two best friends. The setter tiredly runs his hand over his face, wondering if there could be a way that he can exit without stepping on you and Iwaizumis heart.

"You owe me at least one explanation. If you can't give me one, then I'll be-"

"I'm ready. I'll tell you who she is."

And with the following sentences, the ace felt his ears ring along with a ruined heart.

-

Driving has never felt so rueful before but with every passing mile, all Oikawa wanted to do was stop and turn to where you were.

With a stab to his heart, he promised himself that he can never come back until he's found the silence in his mind.

"This is for us. I'll be better, Y/N. I'll come home to you- and I hope you can wait."

Those words may seem like they were directed to you but Tooru can feel himself stand small to his own declaration. He knows you're willing to wait for god knows how long, but he's indecisive if he has the power to wait for this emptiness that surrounds him.

He couldn't allow the rage in his soul to sit around and act like he's deaf to the screams of it. He needed to stop the sensation of his hands missing the way the ball was placed in it and how each serve leaves a breathtaking reaction on any crowd. The hole in his heart was too big enough for him to ignore, and he'd allow anyone to call him selfish knowing it was the inescapable truth.

Hearing all your voice messages to him the following morning had his heart begging for release. Every crack in your voice had him tipping over the edge. He deserved it- god he deserved it more than anyone else because he would have never heard such pain if he didn't book a flight to Argentina.

"Tooru, baby what happened? Please tell me this is a joke."

"Please fucking answer I need you- god Oikawa please!"

"Come back to me, Tooru- I'll do anything please."

"I love y-you, but I guess you've changed your mind huh?"

"Tooru, let's go home yeah?" A soft voice calls out for him as he averts his gaze to her. He sees how his bags were packed as well her tiny suitcase next to her, all dressed up to go. He stands up from where he is, gripping the handle of the luggage as the girl turns to him with such worry.

It was usual for the girl to awake him from his thoughts and he was thankful that she was brought to him, helping him in ways he could never imagine. She was a mere light in his street, a guide in his moonlight trips, and this was finally the moment to stop the waiting.

He takes a look at his apartment, before landing his eyes on the blonde girl who was tying her hair. He smiles fondly as he's felt the adrenaline to finally move again.

"Yeah, let's go."

TWO DAYS LATER ; 9:16PM

"Hajime, stop fucking around!" You laughed as you continued to drive. What a breather it was, to drive with somebody who brought warmth to the passenger seat. Previously, Iwaizumi tested your so called driving skills as he purposely flicks your forehead from time to time for no absolute reason.

You two were on your way home from a movie and Iwaizumi was the star that had grabbed your heart the entire night. He was pulling these jokes, making you cackle to no extent, threatening you that if you'd lose the arcade game one of you will have to forcefully wash the dishes for a week, of course both wouldn't back down.

Maybe for the first time, Oikawa has never visited your mind.

And damn did it feel good.

The part that you found pieces of yourself slowly gathering as you were introduced into a new way of light, it felt too good to be true. Felt like each piece was slowly coming all back together because Iwaizumi was the glue that got you together, it may take a long time to fully be fixed, but the ace proved to you his promise.

You're finally resting.

After the anger that rose above you, Iwaizumi stayed confident to his promise of finally giving you a break you well deserved. He fulfilled you days without technology to shield yourself from any knives from the social world, got you out of bed to watch the sunrise with you, left you places to visit while he was out for his internship. This was more than you could ever ask for.

It felt like flowers were decorating your lungs, heart was slowly being treated with a smile, and laughter that radiated growth.

All because of Iwaizumi.

Now there's a new feeling that has unlocked in your heart and you could feel the burn of it when you noticed how everything felt so light. Unlike before where every step felt too heavy for you to carry on, now that weight is being lifted off by Hajime.

And nothing feels better than that.

-

Inserting your hands into the pocket of your hoodie, you shivered in the nights embrace. Once Hajime has fallen asleep on the couch, you decided to take a stroll and your feet lead you to a place you've yet to visit in a year.

It was a walk meant for you to clear your head, to settle if everything was going to be permanent because you had to know which part of the moments you wanted to hold onto.

This was entirely a mistake- to stroll around his neighborhood like it was always welcoming you with open arms. All the things you wanted to decide on felt like it vanished once you became familiar with the turns of his car when it drove to this place.

This is where it all began. The lessons, the confessions, the blossoming of love, everything. It doesn't matter how many times you try to deny it, this place will always make your heart bleed at how noxious it was. You can never hate the way chills ran up your spine because of how they all rushed to your mind as fast as light.

It's truly a crime to despise how love is formed.

With the sight of his house, a smile creeps on your face remembering your last interaction in this household.

"This is my lovely, Y/N." He sweetly introduces you as you respectfully bowed but you were taken by surprise when you were hugged by his mom, making your boyfriend laugh at your crazed expression. You lose this tenseness when you felt how endearing she was as you gained courage to gently wrap your arms around her too.

"Welcome honey! I've been wanting to meet you so badly since this twat never shuts up about you." She says earning a pout from your boyfriend and a giggle from you. You turn to his dad smiling softly, as he reciprocates your gesture.

"Might as well get used to the house babe, you'll be an Oikawa soon."

You felt your heart clench with his words and you avert your eyes on the road instead. Finding it hard to sustain the bite of how it all turned into a pile of lies.

"No, mom! Please don't embarrass me like that."

You hear a voice shout out making you jolt from your previous stance.

Meanwhile, Iwaizumi awakens with a groan as his phone dings with every second. As he grumpily opens his phone, he was greeted by a flood of messages coming from a certain setter making him sit up and frantic to reach for you. Seeing your door that was wide open, he lets out a gasp as he fidgets for the door, cussing himself at the situation.

"Fuck, Y/N please no."

You suppressed your sobs with a tight hand to your mouth as you felt your feet gain the urge to ran away but your mind demanded you to stay to finally awaken you in this false hope you've been holding onto.

A silhouette of his tall now much more bulky figure was stood next to more of a petite on with hair tied in a ponytail. Wiping your eyes to sharpen your vision, it hit you like a grenade at war.

There he was, proudly introducing the girl that's haunted your dreams.

Oikawa was smiling brightly at her as you watched her look at him with the same expression.

He's right there with someone who isn't you and can never be you.

"You and me, love. That's all it takes."

"Tooru." You whispered as if you'd ever get the chance to let him notice your cries. God, it was unbearable. No words came to your mind, no beating of your heart, it was all gone because the only thing that will forever linger in your mind is the sight of the person you waited so long to come home to, has gone and found the perfect replacement.

Her.

Another glance meant like a sword heading straight to your heart in one swing so you finally decide to turn your back on something you knew you had to forget.

Love.

-

"Tooru, who is she?" His mom asks softly, not wanting to let the curiosity lace her tone knowing the smile on his sons face was an exact look he had when he had you.

"This is Himari." He glances to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, with his lips tugged into a smile, a genuine one that's been kept a secret for too long.

"My dear little helper." Oikawa jokes as Himari rolls her eyes as his parents grew more in confusion at the sight of this stranger.

"Help with what Tooru?"

"To get Y/N to live with me in Argentina."

[kookxin]

HUMAN²; jjk

°§°

Pair¬ jungkook×she ft. taehyung

Genre¬ (major) angst, fluff, romance, cyborg!au

Synopsis¬ he wants her happiness, but he believes that it isn't with him.

Words¬ 1.08k

A/N: this one can be read /considered as a sequel to HUMAN¹; jjk (the base story of this oneshot)

°§°

"Why the f*ck do you not understand? You were her happy ending! And now you're not, and that's your fault!"

"You don't have to keep saying that to my face, you know?" I mutter quietly, as if not hearing it would make the fact any better.

"Well, if you don't make this shit right before she leaves, I'm throwing you off this window I swear to God!"

I huff. It isn't that I'm loving doing this to her. There is a reason behind it. And it is that she deserves better. Better than someone who is a naturally human. Someone, who's capable of giving her the family she desires and deserves. Me, I'm not it. I'll never be. And that fact breaks me up.

"I—" I sigh. Taehyung may think that I'm fool to give all that up, but, the truth is that I don't want to be any more selfish, I don't want to take anymore than I already have. Even more so, when I'm incapable of giving back.

A tear breaks through to trace down my cheek.

Taehyung's eyes visibly soften, and the intense heat coming from him dies down a bit. He scoots closer to wrap a brotherly arm around my shoulder. That's all it takes for me to completely break down. He brings me closer to embrace me warmly, before sighing.

"Why are you doing this to yourself and her, Kook? It's clear that you don't want to." He rubs my back comfortingly.

"I—I don't wanna waste her anymore Tae. She's so much more without me, and all I'm doing is—i-is hold her back." I sniffle, slight embarrassment hitting me.

"All I am doing is take, take and just take. I don't think I-I can do that to her anymore."

Meeting his eyes, I find confusion swimming in them.

"I—I don't think I understand Kook. What—who told you this? Where is this coming from?"

I huff again, this time in frustration. It hurts to talk about this again and again.

"It's the truth Hyung. She—she won't say it, because she is like that, but it's the truth. And you know it too."

A lump forms painfully in his throat causing a few tears to escape again.

"I-I took her heart, Hyung. She gave it to me. Me! Who cannot even give her a family. I-I saw her journal Hyung. She wants a family. Kids. With me. And, I can't even—"

A moment of silence fills the air.

"You are right. She gives, gives and gives to you. But," he wipes away a fresh tear from my cheek, "she does so, not because she is compelled to, or even because she thinks of you as her responsibility. She does it because she wants to. She gave you her heart Kook, and I don't think she'd do that for just anybody."

The same heart runs wild inside my chest, the heart that was given to me 5 years ago.

"You know what she said to me when I asked her if she's sure to do the transplant? She said that if she would be proud of just one thing in her life, it would be this. She said that you already had it in your hands, she gave it you long ago, 'what difference does it make if I give it to him physically as well?' " he lightly chuckles, probably looking back at the memory.

"You don't know how much it hurts her every time you feel guilty for something she did for you when all she wants is your happiness. Your happiness is hers. As for the' family' part, you know it isn't impossible to conceive with a cyborg. Yes, it is rare, but you can't give up without even giving it a try. Tell me, is she on the pill?"

I nod bashfully.

"Why Kook? Why is she on the pill if she wants a baby with you? I know my best friend. Has she discussed this with you yet?"

Looking back, she has always wanted kids, kept this wish transparent before me, yet never discussed it with me. I shake my head.

"There you go. She isn't off the pill because she'd want you to be ready before going for something this huge. You don't know Kook, maybe if she was off it, she could've conceived, not extremely sure about it, but all of your monthly medical reports indicate that you are healthy, in every sense. "

This sends me into a spiral. Can I really impregnate? So full of emotions and disappointed in myself I was, that didn't think of it this way. All I thought of was the fact that conceiving with a cyborg is rare, like a 3/10 cases.

"You know what, Kook? You should get back home, back to her. Discuss the matter with her. You want a family with her too, right?"

There's no doubt about that. It's all I'll ever want. I love her that much.

"More than anything."

Taehyung smiles.

"I know. But for that, you need to talk it out, plan it with her. Stay with her. And she plans on leaving for her parents' for a week tomorrow."

"But what if I can't? What if I disappoint her ag—"

"Shh Kook, you'll never know unless you truly try for it. And you could never disappoint her."

—

I stand in front of our home with clammy hands, after ringing the doorbell.

A few short seconds later, the door flies open. The silence between us is filled with the sniffles that start arising from her. And then she embraces me tightly.

"Koo, you're here..." she cries into my chest, as I tighten my arms around her. My sight blurs with a glaze of tears. I burry my head in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I love you Koo. So much. Please don't do that again. Please don't ever leave me again."

A cry leaves my lips.

"I won't. Ever. I love you."

Pulling back a bit, still in her embrace, I look into her red rimmed eyes. I kiss those gently, one by one, tasting the saltiness on my lips.

"And, I wanna try for a baby, too. I want that more than anything."

Fresh tears run down her cheeks.

"Really?"

"I love you, and I really want it."

She smiles through her tears to lean in to kiss me slowly, lovingly.

✧*:･ﾟ✧…━━━★*:・ﾟ

All rights reserved ©

Do not copy storyline.

¬ Hajinꨄ︎

[slightlyrebelliouswriter23]

annual writing self-evaluation

thanks so much to @vexderolo and @jurdanhell who tagged me weeks ago but i'm just now getting around to this :')❤️❤️

Number of stories posted to AO3:

i have 16 works total and posted 5 chapter updates/new works in 2021 (listen. it was a rough year lmao)

Word count posted for the year:

25,607

Fandoms you wrote for:

TFOTA

Pairings:

Jurdan

Story with the most kudos, comments, and bookmarks:

Fine Line (didn't even have to look lmao)

Work you're most proud of and why:

Fine Line because she's my baby and I always write my ass off for her. although a close runner up is probably I Hate You So Much cos i've had people tell me they consider it canon and that's just gvljaslkdjskdj surreal to me 🥺

Work you're least proud of and why:

it's still not my least favourite piece of mine but of the ones i wrote in 2021, i'm probably least proud of No Drug Like Me. don't get me wrong, i'm proud of the writing out of the context of the series. but it'd been a while since i re-read the series when i wrote it so i feel like even though it supposedly takes place in Elfhame, it doesn't match the tone or characterisation as well as some of my other works.

Share or describe a favourite review you received:

there have been a few that have been like "are you Holly Black incognito?" or "this fic is canon for me" or "your writing is beautiful, i hope to read a book from you someday" and those always make me smile really fucking big :') but there's this one that i'll always remember that was like "i was trying to remember a scene from the series the other day and i spent so long trying to find it in my copies of the books and then i remembered the scene was from this fic" and i sobbed a lil ngl

A time when writing was really, really hard:

i should tell you about the times when writing was really, really easy. there were less of those this year 🥲

A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

i think the fact that i was able to convincingly(?) write an explicit scene from the first person POV of a dude lmao. 2 years ago i thought i'd never write an explicit scene point blank period. so the fact that i was able to pull that off is a bit shocking but in the best way :')

A favourite excerpt of your writing:

(ugh don't make me do this 🙈)

Every move is a weapon intentionally drawn. We track each other, note reactions, breathe the same tenuous, mangled breath. She traces her dare on the battlefield of my chest.

So take me.

Down, down, down. I’m dizzy and she’s slow, like a call to courage. A king before men.

It makes perfect sense. We kneel in the trenches of desire and she flings the shrapnel of her glare at me, the enemy. She wants me to surrender. She doesn’t know I already have.

—Fine Line, Chapter 3.5

How did you grow as a writer this year?

i think i focused a lot on bettering my dialogue, which is probably the thing i'm least confident about when it comes to writing.

How do you hope to grow next year?

i want to stop being so perfectionistic. i'd rather have a "good e-fucking-nough" attitude and actually finish some of the works i've started (there are so so many) than feel overwhelmed by the prospect of writing cos "it has to be better than the last one".

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer?

everyone who has ever left me a comment or ask who encouraged me even when i wasn't posting anything for a while. i love you.

Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year?

i think every writer draws from their experiences to some capacity. emotions, small things they see or smell or hear on the street. i can't think of super specific examples of this, but i mean Fine Line is a wholeass panini fic so there's that.

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers?

this is an old bit of advice but it really came to light for me this year: you create what you consume.

Any projects you're looking forward to starting/finishing this year?

there are so many chapter updates that have over 3000 words that i just haven't finished. my goal this year is to finish those and come up with some sort of schedule for juggling all my WIPs lmao

Tag some writers whose answers you'd like to read:

this seems like a New Year post and since we're already 20 days in, i won't tag anyone. but if you see this and you want to do it anyway pls go for it! you can say i tagged you :')

[tomuraxashes]

Found you - part 1

- Tenko! - a young, white haired boy run towards him from the swings.

- Touya-chan! How could you come? - he asked with  confused tone in his voice.

He remembered his friend told him yesterday he wouldn't make it to come even today to the playground.

- Ah, it was easy. I convinced my mum to go and visit her parents together and after we came back I just asked her to take me out here. So I am here! - the young Todoroki smiled.

- Oh, I'm happy then. - the black haired boy said somehow delightfully, but his little cute face immediately turned back to the gloominess it was before - but wat if your dad finds out?

- Dont worry Tenko, after he learned that you are a Shimura, he doesn't really mind when I hang out with you. Sure, I still have to train but he allows me to have a friend, moreover a friend from a hero dynasty. Common bullshit of his, ya'know.

- Yes, I see, but I'm still worried about you! Your scars on your arms .. I .. let me see.. let me try to heal it!

- No need - Touya opposed - I don't have big scars today, I didn't receive any serious injuries. I don't want you to harm yourself just because of these small scratches.

- I don't care.. - the little boy said with a serious gaze in his ruby eyes - besides my mum or Hana-chan, you are the only one for I would use it.. You are the person I like the most, and why should I have this quirk, if not for helping my loved ones?

Now give me your hand...

.

.

They boys were at the Todoroki's house, playing inside of Touya's room. But they still could hear the shouting of Endeavour and Rei from the another room.

"Enji, he is just seven! How can you do this to him?

"He is already seven! He is my eldest son, and I want him to become the no 1, no matter what. He will surpass All Might! I won't let my dream down!"

From the room where the boys were in, a quiet sobbing was heard after the argument.

- Tenko chan.. I .. I don't even know if I want to be a hero anymore! - the white haired boy cried silently

- It's okay.. I will always be here for you and support you, no matter what.

.

.

- Mum, why Tenko's mum is not answering to your calls?

"Breaking news! The no 1 hero Nana Shimura is dead!"

- Mum! It's... Tenko's grandma on the TV! What happened?

"The heroine kept her private life in secret, but unfortunately the tragedy happened there as well. His son's entire family was eliminated, the circumstances are still under an investigation, the suspect is unknown."

- Mum? Dad? - the white haired boy almost cried - Whats the report about? Why we can't reach Tenko? Is he safe?

His mum couldn't answer. All he got is his father's uncertain hug, with a sad gaze and his trying to calm him down.

- I'm sorry, son...

.

.

He was so young back then, but then he was able to feel some happiness. He had one fucking friend in this cursed life, yet he had to die.

He didn't remember to much from his childhood - he didn't want to - but the small black haired boy with those ruby eyes was his sweetest memory ever.

He is not the one he used to be. The white haired hero-to-be is now gone, the world thinks he is dead now. And maybe they know right .. Touya Todoroki is truly dead.

Dabi is the one who lives. Dabi, the villain, the bad guy, who kills people just for fun, and kills heroes to calm his broken soul a little bit.

What would Tenko think if he could see me now?"

But there is no Tenko anymore.

There is no one who would heal his injuries, who would make him smile, who would care for him.. there is no one in this world for him. He is alone.

The only thing what makes him happy is to kill those fucking heroes.

Those scumbags who never helped anyone for real, they weren't there for him when his father almost killed him,  neither for Tenko when he... passed away. Somehow.

It has been so many years yet no one knows how this case happened. The investigators claimed it had something to do with All for One and Nana's war, and via that, they didnt really look into it.

Dabi wanted two things in his life.

Firstly , he wanted to kill the person who made him and his whole family suffer - his scumbag of a father.

Secondly, he wanted to find out the truth about Tenko's death.

And that's why he is exactly there where he is right now.

He joined the League of Villains.

He heard from some underground fellas that there is a guy named Giran who can find literally anything. Well, the information is the most expensive trading stuff of his, so Dabi knew he has to make some money first.

And what's a better option than making money from killing heroes? And besides that, if he ""sells" himself to Giran first, and the  League would be pleased with him as a villain, than the man would owe him.. perfect plan.

Well, it somehow worked. He was in, the LoV took him and even they gave him the opportunity to make them proud.

Even the boss seemed to acknowledge his powers and determination.

Well, the boss.. he was really something. Dabi - nor the others - couldn't see his face,he had always covered it with a human hand. It was kinda creepy but the whole guy was, as well.

He learned that his quirk, the decay is extremely dangerous and that he didn't think a lot about killing. If someone pisses him off, he is willing to turn them to dust within a sec. He has to be cautious, Dabi noted himself.

*

Shigaraki didn't  seem to care too much about his subordinates but in fact, he did. He couldn't even explain it for himself, he just didn't want them to die - maybe.

He didn't exactly know how to "care". He didn't interact with people too much before establishing the LoV. He had Sensei and Kurogiri, and sometimes he was in touch with Giran if he needed something from the black market.

But then Sensei wanted him to get some people, who are his "own". So that way, it was not necessary to ask Giran for some ragtag mobs if he wanted to make a bigger action.

Now, he had some really hardcore fellas, with real power and willingness. He was satisfied.

He was the leader. They listened to him, they obeyed him. That was the most important thing.

But ... since they lived together, he saw the connections between the members. How they get on with each other in their free time. How they talked, played, had fun, etc.

And for Tomura, it was all strange indeed. He has never done it - at least, not after Sensei found him.

Before -

"Hm, that's not relevant anymore, what happened before..."

*

Dabi was in a good mood recently. No one from the League knew the reason, but the scarred man teased them less than usual. He was even nice with them sometimes.

They were all in the bar, even Shigaraki sat there and drank some spirit when Toga just asked Dabi randomly about his sudden emotional changes.

- Well, if you really wanna know - the burnt man started to speak theatrically - I will finally receive the thing I always wanted to!

- And what's that thing? - Magne asked excitedly- you ordered some goth stuff from Wish?

- Lol nope, that's ..wait, why do you assume I have my stuff from Wish? I definitely don't! But that's not the matter! After the last mission I finally had the cash to buy something from Giran. And he promised me the stuff for todaay!

- What the hell did you buy from that crock? Do you need some guns or what? - finally Shigaraki spoke up too.

He wasn't fond of the fact that he has now some company but he was aware he needed to socialise.

He quite liked the League and that's why he didn't want them to think that he is some creepy loner - well, he is.

- What for? I have my own firepower, it's not the thing. I bought some information...

That was all he shared with the League. At least, for now. He have to see Girans files at first and maybe after he will reveal the truth about himself - and Tenko in front of the League.

When he almost died, and that way he became Dabi, he promised himself he won't share his past with anyone, but since he lived with the League, he wasn't that determined anymore. He felt like there is a bond between them, and if they could help him find Tenko.. it would be worthy.

Even if he - somewhere deep down - realised it is nearly impossible to find his soulmate being alive, the hope never left him.

Neither when Giran gave him the files - with a sorrowful storyline, about AFO's and Nana's fights, about how Nana tried to hide Kotaro's existence, and then after a time skip, there was Kotaro's own family. Birth dates, basics infos, some pictures and the date of their deaths.

So that was it. No trace of life, no chance of survival. The destruction may caused by Afo.

Who is currently in the jail, so Dabi can't even speak to him.

He knew he has to give up on his hopes. There is the fucking evidence his soulmate really died back then.

Dabi just put the files on his drawer, not really paying any attention to hide it. He will do it later - now, he just doesn't want to think about it.

That's why he volunteered for the Leagues next mission.

It was a dangerous one, he needed to a sneak in the Hero commission's building and steal their newest "top-secret" plans.

It was actually spying, and they needed to do it with the minimum amount of men.

Kurogiri would teleport him in and out when it's time, but it is still risky.

Mostly - for a spying- there was Toga or Twice because of their quirks were suitable enough, but now it was required a real fight as well. So the final version was him and Twice. Twice would copy the looks of a random official, and Dabi will hide and somehow steal the secret files.

.

Shigaraki was really good at making plans. He always calculated a lot of possibilities in, and nearly all the stuff what could happen.

He was aware the mission is not a child's play but a serious one.

He looked over it many times already before presenting it to the others, but the overthinking and insecurity were his habits and can't let him stay calm.

At the evening, he decided to talk with Dabi about it. He wanted to be sure that the flame villain is okay with the whole thing, he knows the details and stuff.

He headed to his subordinate's room. The door was halfway open so the young boss don't really mind to knock on it.

There was a semidarkness in the room, but Dabi was nowhere to seen. Shigaraki came from the bar, the burnt villain was not there either.

Tomura thought he may use the bathroom or whatever, so he decided to wait him in his room.

He was about to sit on his bed, when he accidentally noticed a file on his drawer.

On the top of the file, there was a picture. That particular picture, of his dad and Nana Shimura.

Tomura stood there for minutes like an ice statue. He couldn't imagine how the picture could remain - and mostly how it got into Dabi's room.

At the meantime Dabi finished his stuff in the bathroom or wherever he was, so he came back to his room, only to see his boss holding a picture from his file and staring on that somehow inscrutably.

If it wasn't for Tomura, Dabi would be pissed off, cuz he doesn't like at all when others just come in his room and start to rummage his stuff, but since the blue haired man was his boss, he tried to keep it cool.

- Hi boss, how can I help you?

Tomura turned up when he heard Dabi's voice. He still held the picture, and judging by the mess on the drawer he also took a look into the files.

He was so confused right now he had no clue what to say. His thoughts were so loud and they didn't subside. He wanted to ask Dabi why the hell he has this goddamn file with the picture, how did he get it, and mostly.. could is be possible that he knows his secret?

"No way" - Tomura thought - "he would hide this somewhere and he wouldn't act so normally with him" But he was certain he needs to figure it out.

However his thoughts were still so messy he couldn't ask the proper questions he wanted to - without being suspicious.

He somewhat calmed down when he read those files - and they all stated he.. not he, Tenko - is dead, all the family is dead. No sign of survival.

So Dabi - or the one who gave him this - cannot know about him.

- How did you get those? - he finally managed to ask. His eyes were more deadly than he wanted tho.

Dabi suddenly felt himself quite uncomfortable. What should he say? If his boss would be curious, how should he explain why he wanted these datas? And why is his boss'es suddenly so resentful?

- This is the stuff I bought from Giran - he started to explain - I needed it for.. personal stuff.

Tomuras eyes widened - what kind of personal stuff of his can he related to his family? He noticed how Dabi's mood changed before he met with Giran - he was almost happy and really excited. But after the meeting he got gloomier than usual. Even now - when he spoke up, his voice was somehow sad.

Tomura decided to not deal with this right now, they all need to focus for the next day's mission.

- Anyways - the bluenette said - I just wanted to say not to fuck it up tomorrow. That's all for now. And I will keep this picture. Good night!

And with that, Shigaraki quickly left his subordinates room.

Now Dabi was the more confused one. He just couldn't understand what exactly his boss wanted to do, and why he got so distracted by that fucking picture. And mostly, why did he keep it?

Not if Dabi would need it, there wasn't Tenko on the picture just his dad as a kid with Nana Shimura.

"Maybe Shigaraki recognised the heroine and that's why he was asking? Probably" - Dabi thought. He knew about All for One and the Shimuras were enemies, so maybe that's why Shigaraki acted so strange.

.

(Part two right here on my page, just couldn’t write here the whole stuff cuz it’s long)

[fal-carrington]

168 hours without you

Pairing: Kamilah x Mc

Disclaimer: Characters belongs to PB

A/N: Mother has arrived bitches

Prompt: Married life was something so new, so strange and wonderfully good, being a wife was something Kamilah would never have imagined she was extremely good at, but when Mia has to travel to a business conference and spend a week away, Kamilah will have to deal with the 168 hours without her wife, can she handle it?

tag list: @made-me-deep-blue @gavryllo @kamilahtopme @nighthuntresskatherine @iam-the-fuckin-queen @whoinvitedalx @thepotatobleh @zerozone-80 @shanuuh @scarlet-letter-a0114​ @soundtrackforlife​ @thecleveridiot09​ @wildsayeed @deereboy97​ @justejuste727​ @ilovekamilahsayeed​ @otakufangirl-12 @sapphics-choices @desireepow-1986

The penthouse, 21:45pm

Leaning against the threshold of the door, Kamilah stood silently watching Mia, with her back to her, patiently packing her suitcase, folding piece after piece and placing them in her Louis Vuitton suitcase.

"So, are you leaving already?" The question came out in a low tone, but enough so Mia could hear it.

"Yup" She answered without turning around, her attention focused on her purse and the items she was going to put in it. "Do you think it would be too much if I put on a sixth dress? I want to keep my options open."

Kamilah shook her head when she heard that, an affectionate smile on her lips.

"In all my business trips, I never considered adding more than two dresses, but you seem to be the exception to the rule."

Mia laughed looking over her shoulder with her greenish eyes, and that bright dimpled smile, which made Kamilah's heart soar with a certain frequency, more than she would like to admit out loud.

"I am aware, Mrs Sayeed." She smiled and went back to what she was doing.

Kamilah crossed her arms and entered the room, seeing Mia going on a business trip to London, leaving her at a crossroads of feelings.

She was proud, incredibly proud that her wife had ascended to such an important position as COO of Raines Corp, even though Adrian was now completely devoted to his position as Senator of New York, he still remained CEO, and the promotion her wife had received was more than deserved.

However, another part of her heart still remained restless, both were married for only 4 months and that was still all too new for her, and seeing her wife travel, and spending a week away negotiating with investidors in London and leaving her in New York alone in their penthouse, made her heart restless more than she would have liked.

"I know you're worried about me" Mia broke the silence, surprising Kamilah before she could say anything. "But it'll be okay, I promise. I won't mess up this opportunity."

Her words left Kamilah surprised in those mere seconds, and Mia saw this, her green eyes carefully watching her wife recover her composure and her usual stoic look.

"I-" Kamilah began to say, but was interrupted by her young wife.

"Telepath, remember? I know you don't like it when someone invade your mind. It's not as if I'm reading your thoughts on purpose, sometimes it gets out of my control." She shrugged.

"What I mean is I know the importance of this trip and the seriousness, and it's an opportunity to show Adrian that he wasn't wrong to give me the COO job, and to show you that I've matured."

A smile escaped Kamilah's lips before she could contain it.

"I know. I see it, every day."

"You know you could go with me." Mia approached Kamilah, a small trace of hope in her eyes.

Kamilah smiled at her words. As much as she wanted to go with her wife, she knew that this was to be her trip, and the success of the negotiation depended exclusively on her, and Kamilah did not want to steal her merit or distract her from her goal. Besides, she still had to keep her company in control too.

"You know my company needs me, even if I am supervising from home, and my garden needs my attention too."

"I knew you'd say that" Mia gave a smug smile that Kamilah knew perfectly well and turned her attention to her bag.

"Okay, I think we're all set." Mia climbed up the zipper of her purse, looking around at all her necessary utensils on the bed. "I think I've got everything I need."

"Dresses"? Check. Heels? Check. Dryer, toothbrush, notebook and everything a modern woman needs to survive on a trip? Check. Joke cards to tell at the meeting? Check."

Kamilah rolled her eyes.

"You're not taking this." She said by approaching and taking the joke cards out of her wife's hands. "That'll stay with me."

"Hey! I got great jokes there." Mia tried to take them back, uselessly.

"Are you seriously considering telling jokes during an important business meeting?" Kamilah arched one of her eyebrows, knowing Mia that was a silly question. Of course she would.

"I don't see a problem with that, it's to relieve more of the weather and tension. I do it when I'm nervous."

"Absolutely not." The Egyptian vampire ripped up the cards and threw them in the bathroom trash.

"Uh... You know I have a copy of these with my assistant, right?" Mia said pointing to the bathroom.

"You're unbelievable." Kamilah rolled her eyes again.

"I prefer the term ‘misunderstood amazing genius’, but we can work with that one too.”

Mia checked her wristwatch.

"Alright, I have to run so I don't catch traffic."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather use the jet? I'm not using it."

"Of course not." Mia took her bags out of bed without the slightest effort and put them on the floor, wearing her overcoat that was on the bed. "It's a business trip for Adrian to make a profit, and besides, I'd much rather travel at the expense of the company and Adrian than yours. It's my way of fighting capitalism."

Kamilah didn't contain her smug smile.

"Do I need to remind you of your salary before we go to argue about capitalism?"

"Nobody's perfect." Mia fired back while finishing the final touches to her makeup.

Kamilah accompanied her with her handbag, while both went down the stairs towards the elevator. Mia left her bags on the elevator floor and took a step towards Kamilah.

"I love you." Mia fired before Kamilah could say anything. "Kind of a lot."

Kamilah laughed a little, smiling affectionately.

"I love you too. Very much." Mia wrapped Kamilah's neck with her arms, standing on tiptoe and giving her a long, warm, deep kiss.

"I'll miss you every day." Mia said. "I don't know how I'm going to sleep without you, I got used to sleeping with you, you know? Because when I hug you when we go to sleep cuddling, your hot ass warms me up during the night. And there's this way that we sleep that you fit in with me, which is so good."

"Was that supposed to be a declaration of love?" Kamilah arched an eyebrow, the humor evident in her face.

"Of course it was." Mia rolled her eyes with a smile on her lips. "I love you, babe." She said leaving kisses on Kamilah's cheek and lips.

"All right, before I go I want to say goodbye to someone else, where is he?" Mia looked over Kamilah's shoulder, looking for that little fuzzy ball.

"Come on, kid." She whistled with her fingers, and seconds later, a little Corgi's puppy appeared in the penthouse living room, with his tongue out, his collar leaping as he ran, stumbling on his own paws trying to get to Mia.

Kamilah watched the scene with her usual stoic look, maybe that dog was the animal personification of her wife, — dumbass, hyperactive, always cheerful and clumsy.

"Who's the good boy? It's you, Dexter. You're mommy's good boy." Mia got down on her knees to welcome him, picking him up on her lap and pouring kisses into his hairy body. Dexter reciprocated her affection by cheerfully wagging his little tail.

Kamilah remembered perfectly the day Mia adopted Dexter.

"Please, please?" Mia followed her through the penthouse, while Kamilah kept busy with some reports from her company that had just arrived. 

"No." Kamilah responded without diverting her attention from her reports.

"Why not? I won't even buy it! We won him. My cousin's dog had puppies and she asked if we'd want one, I don't see why not adopt one. He'll keep us company."

Kamilah sighed, stopping in the hall, turning to look at her wife.

"We live in a penthouse..."

"...Which is very big, by the way."

"The dog will bark and defecate and leave excrement all over the house, and I don't know if you've noticed, but I have objects over 2000 years old in this house, worth millions, which would make me very angry if some animal destroyed them.”

"It could be our son, love."

"When your mother asked us when we'd give her grandchildren, I don't think it crossed her mind that it could be a dog. The answer is no." Kamilah walked down the hall again.

"Don't you love me anymore?!" Mia screamed after her trying to keep up, frowning.

"I love you, even too much. Stop being dramatic, I'm doing this for your own good."

Mia ran in front of her and crossed her arms, staring at the tall vampire, the woman who for many could be the worst nightmare of their lives.

"You want to bet me we'll adopt him?" Mia smiled with conviction. 

Kamilah gave her the smile back.

"Nothing you do will convince me to keep him. I am a woman of my word."

...

"What were you saying?" Mia lifted her face, with a sarcastic smile on her lips, the apparent victoriness before her wife.

Kamilah opened her mouth to answer, still panting. Her chest descending and rising as her breathing returned to normal. Ignoring her wife's words, she took it upon herself to pull up her pants and fasten her belt, then closing the buttons on her shirt.

"I can't believe you convinced me through sex."

"Fucking mind blowing good sex, by the way." Mia laughed leaving a kiss on her right shoulder.

"You can keep the dog, but I don't want him near my plants, my things and my garden, you hear? You're responsible for him," she said standing and leaving the room.

...

"I don't want to be late, I better go." Mia stood and left him on the floor. "Take care of him, okay? His things are in the kitchen. I think you two can keep each other company while I'm gone."

Kamilah rolled her eyes.

"Looks like I don't have much choice." Mia gave her that bright dimpled smile, came up and kissed her.

"Behave yourself while I'm gone." She gave her that look Kamilah knew well, a funny look, but deep down, Kamilah knew about her wife's jealousy, and she had fun knowing that. "I promise I will behave and not cause any confusion."

"As if you could keep that promise." Kamilah laughed, gently kissing her lips.

"Well, at least I can promise to make you proud. I'll make you proud of me, you'll see." Mia got in the elevator and pressed the button.

"Call me when you get to the hotel." Kamilah said, Mia just nodded before the doors closed. "And so there were only two left."

Day 1

The alarm clock next to the bedside began to ring, showing that it was already morning, the CEO passed her hand through her tired eyes, she sighed, her hand stretching out to her right side, finding only the emptiness.

She was not there. But her perfume remained present, as if she had slept through the night next to Kamilah. The Egyptian woman stood under her elbows and lit the lamp beside the bed, turning off the annoying alarm that sounded over her ears. Automatically she looked to her right side, being greeted by just a smiling photo of Mia in a portrait beside the bed.

"It's weird not having you here and waking me up with all that noise you make in the morning." Kamilah laughed at herself with that thought and sat down, looking for her slippers.

As she looked down, she was greeted by Dexter who was nibbling her slippers with his little teeth.

"How you got up here I'll never know." Kamilah sighed and took her slippers and put them on. The dog sat down and looked at her, tilting his head to the side. "Well, good morning to you too."

Kamilah put on her black robe, and left her room going to the bathroom for her morning routine involving a great dozen hair and skincare products. After finishing, she directed her attention to the kitchen after a good breakfast, being followed by Dexter who ran as fast as his little paws allowed.

With the intention of preparing her breakfast, Kamilah turned on the coffee maker and set out to prepare her pancakes. With Mia absent, she knew perfectly well that she would not get her morning coffee made by her wife, she would never admit it, but she had a weakness for the coffee made by Mia.

As soon as she set the table, Dexter's bark caught her eye.

"Are you hungry?" She asked to him. Then, she made sure there was food and water in the bowls, which made him run to her to eat.

Never that she thought she would have a dog, Mia really was a box of surprises, it was amazing how she made Kamilah agree to everything.

Sitting at her usual place at the table, having everything settled and reading the newspaper, her cell phone started vibrating on the table and Kamilah caught him, seeing a picture of Mia on the screen. She smiled unconsciously.

"Hey!"

"Good morning, my love." Kamilah smiled.

"Okay, first of all, hotel rooms on the penthouse are incredible! Ugh, you don't know how I missed sleeping with you. And that wonderful thing you do in my hair, you know what I'm saying?"

"I certainly missed sleeping with you too, and you stealing all the bed space, sleeping on me and stealing all the covers for yourself."

"It's not my fault what my subconscious does and I've apologized!"

Kamilah laughed lovingly.

"How's the trip?"

"It's great, I've been to three stores and yes, I ignored you and bought you a present, even though you said it wasn't necessary."

"You're impossible."

"Just fulfilling my duties as a wife. How are you doing? I bet it sucks to stay in New York without me. Without my coffee, without my good morning kisses, and without me to put my Angry Birds socks on your feet every cold night." Kamilah smiled, feeling her playful tone on the other end of the line.

"...Every time I wake up they're on my feet."

"You're welcome."

Kamilah laughed affectionately.

"Well, since you asked, the house is slightly quiet without you. Just the way I like it."

"Oh, come on. You love my noise." Mia laughed. "So, how's Dexter?"

Kamilah spied over the counter, finding him on the carpet.

"Right now he's in a war against a rubber duck." Kamilah listening to the shrill sound coming from the duck being attacked.

"Aw, send me pictures of him later."

"Absolutely not."

"Is everything okay in there?" Mia asked, worried.

"It's all right, my love. I'm fine, and yes, I'll be fine for the whole week."

"That doesn't mean I won't call you every day just to make sure." Mia replied stubbornly, making Kamilah laugh. "I miss you, a lot. I can't wait to come back and see you."

"I miss you too, love. When you come back maybe we could go to that shady restaurant in the suburbs you love to go to."

"Excuse me, I like my shady restaurant in the suburbs, thank you very much, it was the restaurant I used to go to when I didn't have a dollar in my pocket when I started in New York, I have to stay humble, but OH, HELL YES!". Her excitement was so infectious, Kamilah barely noticed the smile on her face.

The CEO could clearly hear voices in the background behind Mia.

"Who's there with you?"

"Just Tyler and Nathalie, my assistants. They're discussing which of my cards I should use first."

Kamilah rolled her eyes.

"And I told you not to use those cards."

"When will you and Adrian learn that I do the opposite of what I'm told to do? It's in my nature."

“Your brat.”

"I have to go, I have a meeting in a few minutes and I have to finish my paperwork. Good luck with your garden and your reports, sweetheart. I love you." Mia said a few seconds to say goodbye and hang up.

“I love you too.”

Kamilah sighed, a week without Mia would probably be something new, especially knowing that since the wedding they have not separated for a long time, now she would have to spend a week alone, just her in that big apartment, with all her attention on her plants, and with an unexpected company.

[whats-the-wish-of-your-life]

Every First, Every Last (Part 2)

Even in his old immortal form, he had always detested this young man. Maybe because he could hear his thoughts and how they refuted his actions towards Dong Kyung. How he acted indifferently, while in his heart he was completely smitten by her.

What a hypocrite, Saram thought to himself as he took a deep sigh to alleviate his annoyance.

To his amusement, the young author then approached their table.

"Noona!" Park Young greeted Dong Kyung with a big smile. And a bear hug.

Dong Kyung could only lightly rub his back in response while avoiding Saram's glare from across the table.

"Jagganim. Glad you could make it," she greeted him when he finally pulled away.

Saram could barely keep his temperament in check. Especially when the young author had the audacity to sit next to his wife.

"I asked my manager to fix my schedule for this," Park Young said proudly. "And I don't have to wear a mask since I am here as a donor."

"You should still wear a mask because your face is hideous," Saram interjected with a smirk.

Park Young just snorted at his disdainful remark. "You should wear glasses. You obviously have poor eyesight. Probably because you're old," he retorted.

"Do you want to wear a cast? Because I can crush your bones. But I'm a doctor, so I can also treat you after. "

"Do you want to wear handcuffs?"

Dong Kyung could not bear to just watch the ridiculousness in front of her. So she belligerently stood up from her seat causing the two gentlemen to fix their eyes on her.

"Ya! Do you want to wear a leash, both of you?" She erupted.

"Ani."

"Aniyo."

Both men responded almost simultaneously.

"Now the two of you, make nice with each other," she glared.

"Mhianada," Park Young was the first to apologize.

Dong Kyung then turned to Saram who then gave her a questioning look. But he quickly understood when her eyes narrowed.

"Mhiane," he muttered without actually meaning it then took a slug of beer.

"I'll go back to my table now, noona. I just really wanted to greet you," the young author said, then stood up and slightly bowed his head before walking back to his table.

Dong Kyung then moved to the chair beside Saram, who was obviously still fuming while chugging his second bottle.

"Ya, you can't drive anymore with that amount," Dong Kyung pointed out. "Give me the keys."

So he fished out the car key from his pocket and handed it to her. "Yeogi."

The fundraiser took more than half of their day but both of them had so much fun during the auction of first editions from popular authors who attended the event. Saram's inner bookworm was so excited to get his hands on some new books. While Dong Kyung received a copy of Park Young's first novel to be published in print. She was delighted to say the least, but her husband didn't exactly share the same sentiment.

When they got home from the event around five in the afternoon, Saram went straight to the shower to sober up. Dong Kyung just washed up in the small bathroom and changed into her house clothes, then went to the kitchen to fix a quick dinner.

She decided to cook instant ramyeon for her tipsy husband, some egg rolls and spam gimbap, since they were the quickest to make. Saram stepped out of the shower 15 minutes later and joined her in the kitchen.

"Are you sober now?" Do Kyung asked as she stood in front of the stove while watching the ramyeon simmer.

"I wasn't drunk at all," he responded while taking out a bottle of water from the fridge. He then walked towards Dong Kyung then leaned his back against the kitchen island behind her.

Dong Kyung turned to him and only then did she realize that he had nothing on except a towel around his waist.

"Are you going to eat dinner without a shirt on?" She quipped, after giving him a once-over.

"Are you hungry?" Saram asked, ignoring her question, then took another gulp of water as he tipped his head back, while looking at her down his nose.

For some reason, his question got her all flustered. Not to mention the way he was gazing at her without blinking.

"Food is ready."

"You didn't answer my question," Saram muttered, then put the water bottle on the kitchen island. He then took a step closer and gently pulled and pressed his wife against him, as he reached for the stove knob behind her and turned it off. He then put his arms around her waist and pulled her even closer as he leaned back on the kitchen island again. "Are you hungry, Dong Kyungie?"

Dong Kyung looked up at him, a little distracted by his still damp and messy hair. Her eyes followed the driblet of water that trickled down his temple, down to his jaw and how it briefly hung there before it trailed down his neck.

"Yes, I'm hungry," she answered, when finally, she managed to hold his gaze.

Saram's lips broke into an indelicate dimpled grin. Here he was, thinking he was sober, when he was clearly intoxicated by his love for his wife.

He had been aching to hold her all day while they spent hours outside with other people. And now that they were alone together at last, that ache had only grown into a burning greed.

So he lifted her from the floor and raised her to the kitchen island. Dong Kyung was quite delighted with how she could look at him squarely now without having to crane her neck.

"Happy?"

"Eoh," Dong Kyung nodded with a cheerful smile. "Do you...want some ramyeon?"

"I'm starving, Dong Kyung," he said with a rasp, while eyeing her lips with a hungry gaze.

Still at a loss, whether she should fix him up a bowl or kiss him, Dong Kyung decided to go for the latter.

She cupped his face with her hands and her husband closed his eyes in anticipation. She then planted a kiss on his forehead, then slowly moved down his nose, then both of his cheeks, then the corner of his lips.

But Saram could not hold out any longer. Using his index finger, he gently angled her face so the next kiss landed on his mouth and he welcomed her lips with ardent greed. His thumb swiftly tugged at her bottom lip, making room for his tongue to slide into.

Dong Kyung held onto his bare shoulders, while he held onto her waist. It didn't take long before he had to pull away to draw a quick breath. He took that brief opportunity to lift her sweatshirt off of her then pulled down her pyjamas, before plunging back in, with a new resolve to make her just as breathless and needy as he was.

His mouth started wandering down her chin, as his hands traveled around her back to unhook her bra. Dong Kyung tipped her head back when his mouth began to trace her neck, his warm breath making her skin blush a delicious shade of pink.

He then buried his face between the delicate mounds of her breast and licked the dip all the way back up to the base of her neck where he lingered for a bit more. He quite enjoyed the feel of his wife's chaotic pulse whenever he pecked at that area.

He decided to explore how far he could stretch his restraint by deliberately keeping his hands off of DongKyung's breast. He then hinged her thighs around his waist and swooped her from the kitchen island. He was determined to leave a trace of their lovemaking everywhere in this house. Surely, he couldn't leave the couch off the list.

Reenacting their position from their interrupted shenanigan this morning, he made DongKyung straddle him again. Only this time, it was just that towel restraining him aside from his wife's underwear. Even the slightest move she made was creating a delightful friction.

To his surprise, Dong Kyung suddenly pulled away from kissing him. She then looked him in the eyes as if making an important decision, before she finally dismounted from his lap.

His brain went into an overdrive when like a shot, she kneeled between his thighs and divested him of his precious towel. Her eyes widened in surprise when he sprung stiff and proud upon exposure.

"It's not like it's your first time seeing me," Saram nearly laughed at Dong Kyung's reaction.

"Not this close," she retorted while looking up at him.

Her gaze from that position created some interesting sensations all over him, making him breathless.

Dong Kyung then lightly gripped him by the shaft and gave it a gentle stroke which made him tip his head back against the headrest of the couch and groan a little louder than he intended. It was all the push she needed to keep going a few more times. Every move her hand made was rewarded with Saram's resounding moans that filled the spacious living room. And when her hand reached the swollen head, Saram grabbed her by the wrist.

Was this the extent of his restraint?

"I can't take it anymore," he panted then pulled her up. He then maneuvered her so she was sitting on his lap again, then planted a swift wet kiss on her mouth. "Ride me, honey."

Dong Kyung stared at him for a few moments. She had that same look in her eyes as if she was pondering a very important decision.

This was the first time he asked her to take control and it was wracking her nerves for that reason. Not to mention that he wasn't exactly average in size.

Ottoke? I can do this, right? She thought, giving herself some much needed peptalk.

Although he couldn't read minds anymore, Saram could tell that Dong Kyung was nervous about his request, just by how dilated her pupils were. He was getting ready to draw back and take her to the bedroom instead, when she suddenly moved and properly positioned her knees on either side of his thighs.

"Are you sure?" He inquired, unable to hide the need in his voice.

"Eoh," she nodded. "I know you'll be careful."

Saram smirked smugly at his wife's confidence in him. "I really can't promise you that right now."

And with that statement, he pushed the crotch of her underwear to the side and rubbed the head of his penis against her slit. Both of them groaned at the sudden contact.

He then guided her on how to sit on him properly, as she held onto his shoulders. They were both gazing at each other intently, eyes wide and breaths hitching in anticipation. And when finally, he could feel her wet opening slowly swallowing him, he pulled her by the waist and pushed himself deeper with a sudden jerk.

Dong Kyung whimpered weakly as she propped herself against him for support. Saram helped her keep a steady pace by meeting her halfway as she moved up and down on him, every inch of him gliding delectably in and out of her.

Her whimpers quickly turned into a series of moans when Saram started to fondle her breast while he suckled on the other. He needed a distraction from all the sensations quickly building up in his groin.

[sukunas-play-thing]

Katsuki Bakugo x f!Reader whose an artist

Bakugo having an s/o whose a talented artist and had no idea of the double life before their friend began talking about the print they got on the mail.

Imagine:

Katsuki' having a girlfriend who has a bestie. Like. Best fucking friend. Whom practically grew up together like their mothers knew eachother right? And that they're roommates?

Well imagine one night katsuki and his girl is hanging out watching a movie when all of a sudden friend comes in her room talking about a autographed painting by his/her favorite artist that finally come in the mail and is chatting away about how amazing said artist is and how much he/she loves the painting they purchased. Raising the painting their face full of happiness and excitement while showing Katsuki and his girlfriend the drawing.

"I was super happy it came I was getting worried it was lost in the mail. But the wait is finally over and now I can frame it and hang it on my wall." Katsuki watches while his girl gets up asking for the painting and is watching her while she's looking it over before flipping it over and reading the address that it was being sent too on the back.

Flipping the painting over she says, "hm. It says it was sent to your P. O box?." Friend's face falls slightly before taking it back mulling over it. "Yeah?. It's actually odd because, well. When I checked the mail it was here in the mail box. I didn't think too much about it till now.. " mumbling they stare at one another before their friends pipes up. "Aaand it says here happy birthday to you?" Friend beams back, "have yah that to! I never mentioned to the artist it was my birthday. Maybe he reads minds?" His girl laughs, before turning to their desk drawer in the room and pulling out original copies of paintings including ones that haven't been released for purchase yet and laying them out before her friend.

Friend stares for what seemed like forever before finally pointing the finger going. "YOU!?. THOSE HAVENT BEEN RELEASED YET. WHY.HUH.WHO???." because unbeknownst to them their friend was secretly the artist who not only was an artist to begin with. But also one who happened to be their favorite and they were their biggest fan/supporter.

"I am really low on money and haven't had time to print the copies to sell them yet."

"But. It's a mans name on the signature?."

"Yeah, I like keeping my real name secret. It may seem odd but I like the aesthetic and I liked the idea of having a different identity."

While their exchanging banter Katsuki is absent-mindedly staring at her in awe. Before looking at the original copies and grabbing one to inspect. He really liked the one he was looking at. Friend leaves to go do something and his girlfriend sits by him to look at the painting. Before quickly looking it over and seeing mistakes on it. "Oh gosh I made that women look like she's one of those kids from children of the corn.. Oh God's.... I screwed up their faces they look horrible. I need to re-do them-"

Katsuki takes it away from her. "Like hell you will. It's fine just the way it is." She smiles.

"I didn't know you were so damn talented. Fucking beautiful babe." Her eyes widened upon hearing those words of praise coming from Katsuki. Never would he say something like that in front of others. So she basked in this opportunity to see him unwind.

"I really like how framed the guys face is. It's almost like - he's staring back at me. So detailed.. " she takes the painting.

"Yes. I try so hard to capture human emotions with their eyes. The detailing in the faces is what gets me everytime." She traces the fine lines of the mans face before handing it to Katsuki. Right as the friend comes back in. "I want you to have this since you like it. It suits your aesthetic and style more. Also. I can, if you want me to. Draw All Might for you? I know you look up to him a lot, which age do you like more? -"

Friend scoffs playfully. "Oh so HE gets the original copy!" Throwing a hand up in mock hurt. "I am your bestfriend dude."

(Reader) bites back a response with, "tch he gets one because were fucking not you."

Her friend shoots a playful grin, "oh we can though." Katsuki is too focused on looking a the painting to even bother shooting down the friends offer, he knew they weren't being serious and that is how they mess around, but he isn't a man that likes to share what is his. Instead he stares at the painting mesmerizing every detail, dip and curve and fawning over the dark contrasting colors to even bother barking a response.

He's just enjoying the fact his girl is Badass at everything they do, strong, funny and talented he didn't even know this secret artist life existed until now.

He was going to pay to help her print the rest of her copies so she can sell them to her fans and clients. He never wants to see her stop drawing. Because he's so damn proud of her.

Yaaaaah I don't know why I wrote this or what. It just came to me. Sorta a scenario but also an imagine? I need. More katsuki stuff.. I also wanna write him with my oc but.

Idk..

[jasondoescosplays-blog]

Heart Broken(Roman x Patton)

I have a oneshot book over on wattpad that is a request book for the sides and thomas and any of thomas' friends, and it could be an x reader by request.

I have a chapter from it that I am really proud of, so Imma post it here. Also, please ask for requests for my book.

"-because I really like you! Like, a lot. Would you please, please be in a relationship with me?" Roman says to Virgil with love filled puppy dog eyes. Virgil takes a step back from Roman, as his eyebrows raise in confusion.

"I'm sorry Ro, I'm not really over you being horrible to me. I'm really trying not to hold a grudge, but I still feel hurt from you saying all those things to me. Even if you apologized," he took a deep breath and exhaled some of his air before continuing. "My answer is no. I hope we can still friends." Virgil left the living room hugging his sides and pulling his jacket as close as he could to himself, barest trace of a heavy frown and wet eyes, heading back into his own room. 

He knew it was gonna hurt Roman to hear that he didn't like him back, but he didn't want to fake anything to have it hurt worse later. 

Roman was not taking it well. Being the fanciful side and the romantic side left for higher hopes and harder falls.

He stood there in shock for a moment before realizing what just happened. Then his eyes began to fill with tears and he hung his head in shame. However, his mind jumped to one person that would make him feel better. 

Patton.

He walked up the stairs with his head still tilted downward and tears still leaking from his eyes. He ignored Logan with a small sob as he passed him in the hallway when he asked what was wrong. Logan decided to awkwardly walk on, as emotions weren't his strong point, and he knew roman was headed to Patton's room anyways.  

When Roman finally got to Patton's door, he just rested his head against it and said with all the voice that he could muster around the lump in his throat,

"Patto-" Only Roman couldn't finish his word before he broke into sobs. The door was quickly opened and Roman was pulled inside Patton's room by cat sweater covered arms.

The door closed behind the two of them and Roman was engulfed in a warm hug. He began crying, hard, into Patton's shoulder. Patton started swaying them back and forth while combing through Roman's hair, humming something soft that sounded an awful lot like Happier by Bastille(ft. Marshmellow).

Patton picked up Roman with his Dad Strength© and sat Roman down on the bed like he weighed nothing. He sat down next to Roman, pushing up his glasses in the process. Patton then wiped away Roman's tears with his thumbs, and cupped Roman's face with his hands.

"What's wrong Kiddo? What's got you all worked up?" Patton's voice soft, as to not make Roman feel any worse. Except Roman felt worse anyway, having to explain what just happened.

"I-I've li-i-i-iked Virgil for a lo-o-ong ti-" He stopped to let out a sob and catch his breath. Patton took a deep breath in through his nose and out through his mouth. Roman copied as he let in a gasp of air through his nose, and out through his mouth which is shaped like an o, and continues.

"I've liked him for a lo-ong time, and, I t-oh-o-old him, and he said I was mean! From when I was mean to hi-I-I-im. And it hurts my feelings!" He said through post crying hiccups. "I don't know what to-o-*gasp*-o do!"

"Oh kiddo! That sounds horrible! I'm sorry! That's rough. What did you say after he told you no?" Patton holds Roman's hands for support, and pulls a comforter around them.

"I didn't say anything! He told me he hopes we can still be friends, and then he left! Then I cane to you!" Roman pulls his hands away from Patton's, making Patton frown, and put his head in them.

"What am I gonna do Patton? It is going to be so awkward from now on. WhatdoIdo....." The last little bit was kind of muttered and smushed together due to Roman curling in on himself more.

Patton raised his eyebrows in concern and used his hands to gently lift Roman's face to look up at him. Patton placed a gentle kiss on Roman's forehead, then said,

"It'll be okay Princey. You know Virgil isn't one for grudges, so I'm sure you can still be friends. As for relationships, you could....." Roman didn't quite catch the last part of what Patton was saying, mainly because he mumbled it and looked away.

"What was that last part? Patton?" He was confused, but also hopeful. Patton was a wonderful person, and would surely know what to do in this case. Patton cleared his voice, and took a deep breath.

"You could be in a relationship with me! That's what I said..." Patton looked at Roman long enough to say the first sentence, but didn't want to see Roman's face once he finished the last one.

Roman's heart mended and melted at the same time. Patton was so adorable and cared for Roman enough to have feelings for him. It was completely endearing to Roman. But he had to make sure that he was taking this the right way.

"You.....like me? Like, like me like me?" Roman didn't want to be too hopeful, but he likes Patton too. As much as he likes Virgil(cause you can like 2 people at once fight me). Patton, still not looking at Roman, nodded and curled in lips. He was bracing himself for rejection, eyes closed tight, but wasn't prepared for Roman to cup his cheek that was still facing him.

"Aw, Pat. I like you too. Like you like you. You are absolutely adorable," he paused, "And you can look at me now, darling." Patton uncurled his lip and looked at Roman, with big eyes. A tear leaked out of his left eye, and he was quick to wipe it away, even though he knew Roman already saw it.

"Oh, come now. No need for crying. Only love in here." He pointed at his heart. "And in here." He rested his hand on Patton's chest.

Patton smiled big, and pulled Roman into a even bigger hug. They hugged for a minute, before Roman pulled his face away from Patton's chest and giving him a short and sweet kiss on the lips.

A wonderful end to a heart breaking experience.

Hope you like this as much as I liked writing it! This ship is probably my favorite out of all of them. Both to read and write.

Please request some ships, I would love to do lots of them!

Here is a link to the book if you want to check it out.

1151 words.

Bye!

[creedtheconquer]

Everything But Political

Request-"thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!So YN Hale Underwood is the first daughter,and she's pretty much like her mom (the only person both really trust) she's stoic and shy,tries to avoid the spotlight as much as she can but is brilliant in all the she does. Duncan has been in love with her since forever,but never managed to confess to her(his cockiness dissapears when she's around) so,after a lot or twits and turns he finally admits it and happy stuff. what do you think?"

Summery-"(Y/N) Hale-Underwood is her mother's pride and joy and loyal to a T. She has had a constant love hate relationship with the one and only Duncan Shepherd but little does she know he has loved her since they were little. How will this turn out?"

Pairings- Duncan Shepherd x Reader

Warnings- politics but not really if anyone cares about that, this is mostly just fluff for our Dunkin Donut.

*I hope you guys enjoy this story typed it up in little under 3 and a half hours! My request are always open I write for Cody and any character he has played minus David to respect him as a person who sadly lost his life. I also write for other AHS character so feel to request away!*

(Y/N) Hale-Underwood the poster child for America, her mother's pride and joy and she took that role and that spot light very very seriously. She loved her mother dearly and was loyal to the core. After her father died (Y/N) took up the protecter role of the family. She was her mother's rock, her supporting shoulder and she would do anything for her mother. If Claire need a break (Y/N) would step in to meeting for her mother without a second hesitation. Or if Claire just needed to vent the only person she would trust to vent everything to was (Y/N) to which (Y/N) would gladly sit for hours in her mother's room just listening, not talking that often because the way she saw it, she wasn't there to talk she was there to listen. So when Claire asked her to attend one of the annual Shepherd's Foundation events (Y/N) didn't refuse.

"Ah (Y/N) my dear, where is your mother?" Annette Shepherd, Claire's frenemie greats (Y/N) with a smile giving her a quick small hug. (Y/N) fakes a smile hugging her back thinking of the best way to answer her question knowing she's trying to get some kind of dirt on her mother.

"She had a press meeting and couldn't make it sadly so she sent me in her replace. She also sends her regards." (Y/N) says pulling away from Annette and she smooths out her form fitting navy blue pencil dress and Annette nods.

"Well my dear come in have fun you always more than welcome here." She beams up and (Y/N) and (Y/N) gives her a nod as she scans the room.

"Thank you Annette." (Y/N) says offering her a small smile as Annette walks off to great the new guest coming through the door.

From what Claire said this was a meeting about the incident that happened in Ohio, and the fact that she didn't trust the Shepherd's. (Y/N) was in the Oval office the previous night and watched Bill Shepherd quite literally guide her mother hand to sign his bill (Y/N) went on the defence.

(Y/N) moves quietly around the room, stopping periodically to very slyly listen in on people's conversations. Most are talking nonsense just there mundane day to day life and she rolls her eyes at their chit chat. But then there conversations that pique her interest, gossip about her mother and how she's the "anti-christ" to which (Y/N) nearly chokes on her drink trying not to laugh at the ridiculous theories/stories spun by the media. Then some hit very close to home, literally, and she has to bite her tongue to stop her from snapping back at the person spreading such lies.

(Y/N) opts to leave the main room, having heard enough, and she makes her way down the long white hallway leading to the main balcony where she sees her frenemie, Annette's son, Duncan. The two have grown up together seeing each other go through there each other's ups and downs, their worst days and their best. Growing up as little kids they were attached at the hip you would always find them together, you didn't have one if you had the other. But as they got older and realized where they stand that bond started to thin now when they did see each other it was a guessing game of are they going to get along like old times or be at each other's throats.

"Duncan." (Y/N) says coldly causing the taller brown head man to turn towards her and he gives her a once over before turning back to look out to the grounds of his Mother and Uncle's estate.

"(Y/N) what brings you here don't you have things to do for mommy." He mocks not moving his pale icy gaze to her and she scoffs at him.

"So this is how this interaction is going to go." She inquires sending a glare to the man next to her before folding her hands behind her back and she straighten out her posture. "I am her on my mother's behalf, I was hoping for a somewhat civil talk or else I would have never approached you Donut." (Y/N) smirks to herself knowing how much he hated when she called him that and as always he rolls his eyes finally looking down at her.

Little did (Y/N) know Duncan has been head over heels for her for has long has he can remember and he loves how loyal she is to her mother and he admires that deeply. He miss how they used to be before they fell into their places in the family dynamic and he wishes so badly to get back to that, but it seems like every time they are together it's like a game of russian roulette. Either they are how they used to be, laughing, relaxing, just being themselves enjoying each other's company. But more often than not they are like this, ever cold and stand offish with their guards up not trusting each other. Duncan can guess the reason for this interaction being cold was because of what is Uncle did the other night to which Duncan was outraged about. He argued that there were many other ways to go about getting the bill signed and that was not it, he felt so bad and he wanted to so badly call up (Y/N) and apologize but his ego stopped him.

"Look I'm sorry about what my uncle did I told him that was wrong." He speaks up breaking the tension tight silence that had fallen over them. (Y/N) looks up at him taken aback by his sudden sincere heart felt apology.

"You had no idea?" (Y/N) ask her ice cold front starting to melt as he nods. He turns his body slightly so he can fully face her and she does the same.

"If I had known I would have stopped him." He says softly as she sees him visibly relax has the tension fades between them. "Listen (Y/N) there is something I've been wanting to say this for a while now..."

"Duncan." Annette says from the end of the hall and he groans giving (Y/N) an apologetic look.

"Go for coffee with me later?" He asks glancing back up at his mother and (Y/N) nods softly.

"Yeah." (Y/N) says and she sees a smile tug at his lips has he brings her hand up to his lips and she places a soft kiss on her knuckles.

"I'll call you." He whisper dropping her hand and he walks off to his mother and (Y/N) nods softly feeling a little ping in her heart cursing herself for the feelings she harbors for her longest childhood friend.

(Y/N) returns home hours later completely exhausted tugging her heels off and she rolls her shoulders trying to release the tension of standing up straight for hours on end. She opens her closet and she steps out of her dress and she changes into something a lot more comfortable. She makes her way down to hallway to her mother's room and she knocks on the door softly waiting for the response.

"Come in." She hears her mother calm soothing voice sound from inside and she can't help but smile opening the door and she steps in. Claire was on the bed reading a book when (Y/N) walked in and the second she realizes it her daughter she smiles putting the book down, moving the blankets out of the way for (Y/N) to crawl in and lay her head on her mother's lap. "How did it go?" Claire asks running her fingers through (Y/N)'s hair causing her daughter to let out a sigh of relief.

"Well some people are convinced you're the anti-christ, hearing that nearly made me choke on my drink. Annette tried to get dirt on why you weren't there I told her you where busy off somewhere doing a press meeting she bought it. Bill was flaunting his victory with the bill I wanted to slap him right then and there." (Y/N) says with a sigh looking up at her mother and Claire smiles down at her tracing her daughter's beautiful features obviously getting them from her, it would be a lie if people didn't say she was almost a carbon copy of her.

"Did you see Duncan?" Claire asks caressing (Y/N)'s cheek and (Y/N) nods. "Did he say anything about how he's been whispering lies into the media's ear about me and your father?"

(Y/N) looks hurt learning this information, he had sounded so sincere in his apology he completely fooled her and that pained her. She thought that maybe they have gotten over the petty family rivalries and were getting back to how things used to be. Soon hurt gave way anger and boy was she mad, she wanted to march right to his apartment at that moment and give him a piece of her mind, "Yeah I saw him we spoke briefly but nothing of the matter was said that was important." (Y/N) says through almost gritted teeth and Claire picks up on that.

"He said something didn't he that's why you're angry." Claire says and (Y/N) closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Yeah he said he was sorry for how his uncle did the other night with signing the bill, he sounded so sincere I believed him.....I should have know better." (Y/N) says anger laced into her words and Claire plays with her hair to soothe her.

"He's a Shepherd he can't be trusted they are dead set on tearing us down we can't let them in." Claire whispers holding (Y/N) close as (Y/N) feels tears fill her eyes.

"You're right thanks mom." (Y/N) says sitting up and she crawls out of bed walking to the door.

"You did great sweety you made me proud I love you." Claire says calling out to her daughter and (Y/N) nods not turning to face her.

"Thanks mom, I love you too." (Y/N) says in a low voice walking out of the room and down the hall. She slips on a pair of shoes and she walks out the front door.

"Annette isn't actually his mother, he's adopted." Claire says as (Y/N) closes the door knowing she going to confront Duncan.

"(Y/N) what the hell are you doing here so late?" Duncan says rubbing sleep from his beautiful icy blue eyes and (Y/N) glares pushing past him into his apartment.

"Care to explain why you've been spreading lies about my family to the media." (Y/N) snaps turning on her heels to face the man she loved to hate and hate to love standing by the door in his loose shorts and black t shirt.

"I...I, it's not me it's my mom she's just using me it's all her I'm just her attack dog." He sighs running a hand down his face as he very consciously walks towards (Y/N).

"Then why are you going through with it?!" (Y/N) shouts taking a step back from him, "Why? Fucking tell me Duncan! I actually believe you felt sorry earlier I thought you had changed!"

"(Y/N) Listen to me I can't just not listen to my mom, but I was sorry earlier." Duncan defends taking another step towards (Y/N).

"She's not even your real mom Duncan! You're adopted you don't owe her shit!" (Y/N) shouts and Duncan stops dead in his tracts.

"I'm what?" He asks and (Y/N) curses herself for letting that slip.

"Duncan I shouldn't have told you that." (Y/N) says dropping her anger and she steps towards him.

"No no don't I need to know." He says taking a deep breath but (Y/N) hears the stutter in it and she can tell he was about to cry.

"It wasn't my place to tell you I'm sorry Donut." (Y/N) says placing her hand on his shoulder and he pulls her fully to her holding her tight.

"No thank you, I would rather it have been you." He whispers through tears as the rock through his body and he shakes against her.

"Hey Donut, look at me." (Y/N) whispers pulling back and he meets her gaze and she reaches up to wipe his tears away. "You don't have to listen to her anymore, I can talk to my mother get you a pardon."

Duncan laughs slightly nodding his head, "You know there has always been something I've wanted to tell you for many many years now." He whispers his eyes flickering down to (Y/N)'s lips then back up to her eyes, "I have loved you since we were kids."

(Y/N) gasps slightly as he closes the gap and he kisses her, letting years of bottled up emotions take over not wanting to miss a single moment. "I love you too Duncan." She whispers breathlessly as they break the kiss.

"Fuck politics this is all that matters." Duncan whispers before kissing her again finally understanding the meaning to all of this their lives. It all fell into place in that single moment, he knew that their whole lives lead up to this moment and he was grateful. He finally had her and he was letting go he was going to hold on and fight with everything to keep this. He was home.

@ateliefloresdaprimavera