#putting the ninja through the worst weeks of their lives

[ravenrambles6229]

Born to be a ninja, forced to pay taxes

[fun-k-board]

TMNT 2012 with an AFAB s/o on their period

Note(s): I wrote this with a ftm Reader in mind, but there are no gendered pronouns or gendered titles used.

Characters included: Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michealangelo, April O'Neil, Casey Jones.

Leonardo

Listen, as much of a leader and confident guy you may believe he is, he is still a mutant turtle who does not get periods and only knows because it was mentioned in a show once and he wanted to know more. He will not understand, beside the basics of 'bleeding down there, intense hormones, and sometimes unbearable pain depending on who you ask.'

If you're someone who goes through a lot of physical pain expect an overbearing mother figure now in your life, he will literally be there with all the advice he can find that'll help.

With the limited resources in the lair and the fact he can't exactly go shopping himself, he'll ask April or Casey to buy period products or pain relief tablets for you if you complain. Even if he's awkward and shy about asking, he doesn't want to burden you by making you wait for a reply over text or have to get up, the fact it helps you makes it worth it.

Soup is also good, he knows how to make traditional teas and soups for you, with great difficulty, and help from Splinter, that will lessen your stomach cramps. Though if you get cravings he may be a little less helpful, it's hard to get ingredients when you live in the sewers and are hated by most of the world.

If you like company he would stay off patrols once or twice, but he's fairly strict about his schedule and won't go too far off it, even if he wants to help you.

If you don't get much pain, he's still by you in his free time and asking questions, you're literally bleeding he's never going to stop worrying.

Whenever you talk to him he basically soaks in the words like a sponge and uses it to help you, a one off 'yeah, this food helps.' and he's on his knees begging for April to buy some.

Raphael

Raphael... I love him, but he needs help when it comes to this. I imagine most of the other turtles at least know the basics, Michaelangelo is the worst but he still knows what a period is, but Raph just never really cared enough to learn.

He knows that a period happens... But that's about it. So, if you're in intense or even a small amount of pain and or wake up with blood around you, he's freaking the hell out, he thinks you've been stabbed or something or maybe he accidentally hurt you with his sais as you slept.

If you explain he's sort of like 'yeah whatever, how do we stop it from hurting you?' and then he never leaves your side.

You run out of products? Step out the way Casey and April, he's sneaking in the shop and thieving- I mean, he's putting on a trenchcoat and hat to hide his turtleness, and buying the products like a good mutant ninja turtle should. But seriously, he doesn't trust the two to buy the right ones, he gets the exact brand right somehow, even if you never tell him what one you want.

He pushes the exercise side of it, even if it doesn't help much, exercise is something that helps him so when he hears it can help he doesn't research further. It takes you explaining that it not only depends on the person but the exercise for him to pout and let you lead.

Donatello

He'd probably panic for a while but then tries to look through a science lense, like, oh! You need to level your blood sugars in this week, these excersises will help you but these won't, make sure to keep your stomach warm so you can lessen the contractions and pain.

Gets a bit sad if you're the type to be more distant and want alone time on your period, especially if you don't like loud noises. Donatello usually has you watching him while he works on his science stuff, so when you aren't it's a demotivator.

Ends up completely abandoning his work just to follow you around like a sad puppy, tending to your every need or waiting outside your room for a text from you if you need something.

If you want him around he's a lot more easy going, if you don't mind sitting in the lab with him while he works then he's all for it, of course he's checking on you every once and a while, and will talk when he wants to, but it comes from him wanting to help you.

If you have health issues caused by your period or your period is made worse by your health issues he's helping you a lot, he knows a lot about human anatomy and how to help ease pain, especially since April and Casey started hanging out with the Turtles more often.

He has a whole section of a diary dedicated to you, and that includes your period, when you're due, what food you've told him helps you, what foods you've said make it worse, what pain you usually describe as, etc, etc.

Michealangelo

Michaelangelo is 100% the type of guy who just goes along with what you want because he wants to help, he probably knows that you bleed, you get mood swings, and you're in pain. And that's all he needs to know.

He's watching you for your entire cycle and just PRAYING nothing bad will happen, gives you all the food you want, no matter how unusual. This can sometimes make it worse, because cravings aren't always foods that will help you, and he feels really really bad if that happens.

He tries to hold himself back on just giving you whatever you want, but when you look up he just folds and starts treating you like royalty.

He can't make a lot of normal foods, he can make pizzas and maybe a decent sandwich, but besides that he's a bit useless, so he tends to buy you microwaved dinners. Unless you don't like them. And then he's just lost.

Mikey asks Donatello to help on the more science level, like no, chocolate will not help, that's a dumb myth, it will only make your sugar levels higher and increase pain, plus blood flow, and nobody wants that.

Cue Mikey closing the oven to hide his chocolate pizza he was making for you.

When buying or storing products, he tends to sort of forget how expensive they are, he'll go in with only a couple of dollars and fall to the floor in utter shock upon realising that is not nearly enough.

But he may or may not steal a few, he saves the city, he gets no money from it, this is completely justified in my opinion.

It's not like he tells anybody anyway.

April O'Neil

She understands so much, whatever you need she'll get for you within minutes.

If your cycles match up April and you will have days where you just sit down and cuddle together, usually at her apartment or in the lair.

She's most likely the one who goes shopping for stuff since she's usually shopping for the turtles as well, though you can come along or even do it yourself if hers is painful and yours is bearable enough to go and vice versa.

If you don't get much pain or mood swings, she makes a few jokes on how she wishes she was you, but if you ask her to stop she will.

Understands the pain that might come mentally, if yours is really bad during the month she even ignores the Turtles to help you out. Unless you want to be left alone in which case she can do that as well, but she will text you every few hours, this is probably happening with or without your period given how dangerous being friends with her is.

If you have intense pain, she's extremely worried for you and will try to help in any way she can, especially if you have other issues that impact your period and or your period causes you other issues.

Casey Jones

Once he gets it Casey doesn't care for the exact details, all he needs to know is when he needs to be involved. Then he's actually really helpful

Usually gets too embarrassed to buy pads for you so he asks April to do it for him, if she refuses he awkwardly makes his way over and will be red the entire time he buys them.

He will begrudgingly be mushy if it means you'll feel better, but also reluctantly leaves you alone if you prefer being alone, he's complicated when it comes to you.

Tends to try to make you laugh or smile if you get sad, but fails to realise that the flood gates of hell spill over with unholy blood whenever you do laugh too hard.

If you're someone with less blood and or pain he'll be asking once every few hours if you're okay, every month is the same, he never learns that you're going to be fine, or that you don't experience too much pain, but it shows he cares.

If you have intense pain he's next to you always helping and at your beck and call, he's fine with skipping out on time with April or the turtles because he doesn't want you in pain.

This has been in my drafts for a little over a year, I've only just got the strength to finish it (⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

[goldenavenger02]

little lights flash in your eyes

Zane cannot mourn a family he doesn't remember, but he can at least try and cheer those up around him.

Takes place after Never Trust A Snake

There were three things that would always stay the same, regardless of where the ninja lived. 

Sunrise exercise was non-negotiable, someone would drag their feet to said sunrise exercise after missing breakfast because they had been playing video games the night before, and Jay’s side of the room was always in need of cleaning, despite how much he insisted that he “had a system”.

Sure enough, when Zane made his way into the sleeping quarters with a basket of his clean laundry, Jay had clothes tossed haphazardly around the room, along with bits and pieces of various models, it was the normal that they had all grown used to.

But what he hadn’t expected was to see Jay putting his various items like his blankets, his nunchucks and the stuffed zebra that he slept with every night into a dark blue suitcase, all while humming a song that he was unfamiliar with.

“Jay?” Zane questioned while setting the basket next to his own bunk and starting to fold the clothes inside, waiting until Jay stopped humming and looked over at him with a blank stare before quickly smiling.

“Oh, hey Zane.”

“Where are you going?”

“Oh, to visit my parents,” Jay shrugged as he walked over to the dresser and pulled out his casual clothes, “just for a couple days, to ring in the new year and all.”

“Ah, I see,” Zane nodded, before a thought popped into his head about the others and their plans for the holiday that was rapidly approaching, “do you know if the others are going anywhere?”

“I don’t think so,” Jay shrugged as he shut the suitcase, “Cole said his dad is really busy around New Year’s, and I invited Kai and Nya to come with me since my mom said that I could bring any of my friends if I wanted, but they said no. So it’s just gonna be me and my parents, unless you want to come.”

As nice as the invitation sounded, to spend a few peaceful days away from the ninja stuff, Zane knew he couldn’t accept. ‘Not when the Pythor may use the opportunity to unite the tribes.’

“I should stay here, to keep The Bounty in order and look out for any threats,” Zane couldn’t help but wince when he saw Jay’s hopefulness deflate, “but you should go and spend time with them.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I already told the others to call me if anything pops up, that was the only way Sensei was okay with me going,” Jay explained before his familiar smile creeped onto his face again, “you think I should take Lloyd with me, give you guys a break?”

They had only brought Lloyd in, kicking and screaming, a week ago and even though Sensei insisted that the young boy was no longer a danger, all of the occupants of The Bounty were well aware that the sudden appearance of the plastic covering the opening of shower products and the sugar in the salt shaker incident during dinner the night before.

But as tempted as Zane was to agree, he knew that Sensei would be displeased with his actions.

“I don’t think your parents deserve that level of mischief during the holidays, Jay.”

“I guess you’re right, we’re lucky that the worst thing he has access to is super glue,” Jay agreed as he shut the suitcase before lifting it off the bed and tucking his pillow under his arm, “but maybe you should make him useful around here, teach him how to do laundry or something.”

“Are you just saying that because you hate doing laundry?”

“You know me so well,” Jay grinned before walking out of the room with a “see ya”, leaving Zane alone with his half folded basket of laundry and the beginnings of a plan.

…

“I’m sorry! I was just trying to have fun!” Lloyd’s shouts echoed through the hallway as he ran at a speed that seemed impossible for someone who had much shorter legs than the rest of the occupants of The Bounty.

“Lloyd, you misunderstood me,” Zane insisted as he ran after the black-clad figure, “you’re not in trouble, I just would appreciate your help with something.”

“I’m not falling for that one agai-whoa!” Lloyd was cut off from his running by tripping over his own feet and catching himself on his wrists, which aided and worried Zane.

“Are you alright?” Zane asked, reaching a hand out to help the eight year old off of the wooden floor only for Lloyd to scoff and push himself back to his feet with no sign of injury, much to his relief.

“Do you REALLY want my help?”

“Of course,” Zane insisted, “I cannot do this on my own, and Jay has already left for the junkyard.”

“Do what on your own?” Lloyd asked with crossed arms and a question eyebrow raised.

“You and I are going to help the others, Sensei, Kai, Nya and Cole, ring in the new year.”

“Why?”

“Well, because it’s a holiday,” Zane started to rattle off an explanation, “the others tend to struggle this time of year so we’ll need to get their minds off of it, and it’s our first holiday with you.”

“Well, what if I don’t want to celebrate your stupid holiday?” 

‘He came from Darkley’s, his father is Lord Garmadon, he’s had it rough,’ Zane had to remind himself as he pulled in a deep, calming breath before making eye contact with the child, “because there will be candy involved.”

“Well, what are we waiting for, snowball?” Lloyd grinned, all of the anger and suspension melting away from his face with a simple bribe almost allowed Zane to forgive the strange nickname he was just given, “let’s make this the best new year’s eve EVER.”

…

It hadn’t taken long to get The Bounty ready.

Zane had to go shopping as soon as Lloyd was on board, but after sunrise exercise and his training had concluded for the day, he put the child to work on decorations; with help from a chair as well as Zane occasionally lifting him up closer toward the ceiling, the bridge was soon decked out in streamers, confetti and balloons all in white, black and gold.

When he wasn’t lifting the hoodie-clad boy closer to where he insisted on taping something, Zane busied himself with preparing dinner; he didn’t want to make anything traditional, knowing that himself along with Sensei and Cole would be the only ones to touch it.

So, he focused on making their favorites instead, and a vegetable tray so he could at least try to encourage the others to get in some necessary vitamins. 

It didn’t take long for him to finish making the feast and set the table that sat in the bridge, even making sure to fill the large punch bowl with bright red Kool-Aid and turn on what Jay had ceremoniously dubbed “the disco lights” which encased the room in reflective, bright, spinning lights.

“Whoa!” Lloyd shouted, his smile wide as he already started to make a dash for the glass bowls filled with various types of candy, “it looks awesome in here!”

“You did most of the work,” Zane affirmed, “I’ll go get the others, you stay out of that candy until I get back.”

He could hear Lloyd’s annoyed grumble as he made his way to the bunkroom, but he knew that he would have a much more pressing issue to deal with once he made it into the room; Zane knew what to expect, but every time he saw Cole curled up on his bed with the picture clutched tightly in his palm, his heart never failed to sink.

“Cole?” Zane found it in himself to speak which resulted in the master of earth wiping his face on his sleeve and sitting up to meet his eyes, “dinner’s ready, if you are feeling up to it.”

“I-I’ll be there in a minute, thanks,” Cole sniffled as he set the creased photo on the small nightstand while he stood up and opened the drawer of his personal belongings.

And yet, Zane couldn’t bring himself to leave. 

Maybe it was because he had lost his own family long before he could form his own memories of them or maybe it was just because it pained him to see the others struggle with the loss of those who were dear to them.

Regardless of what it was, Zane continued to stand there long after the photo of Cole’s mom was shoved into the nightstand next to the scrapbook that he had brought with him until his voice was free of tears and he asked, “what are you waiting for, let’s go.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

He could see Cole’s back go rigid at the idea of talking about his mother and Zane couldn’t help but worry that he had pushed too hard and that the master of earth would yell at him for trying to dig.

But, his back relaxed quickly and he turned back to meet his eyes with glassy eyes and a fake smile, “no, but thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Cole.”

And with that, the two of them made their way to the bridge only to find Sensei, Kai and Nya already in there and Kai was even dancing to the holiday music with his plate in one hand and his glass of Kool-Aid in the other all while Nya laughed at his horrendous dance moves.

Zane, however, let Cole join in with the giggling crowd and moved over to where Lloyd was sitting in the corner with various types of candy on his paper plate.

“You should eat something other than candy,” Zane insisted as he sank down to the floor to steal a Hershey Kiss off of his plate, the chocolate melting on his tongue before he finished speaking, “a poor diet can lead to scurvy.”

“Why are you being nice to me?” Lloyd huffed and in the occasional sparkle of the disco ball, Zane could have sworn that he saw tears in his brown eyes, “all I’ve done this year is be a big jerk.”

“That’s not true,” Zane shook his head as he watched Sensei join in on the ridiculous dancing which made Nya laugh so hard that she sounded like she was unable to breathe, “last time I checked, “big jerks” don’t help someone they’ve only known for a week plan an entire New Year’s eve party to cheer up their friends.”

“Well, you bribed me with candy.”

“That I did,” Zane nodded, letting his head rest against the cool wall, “but I must admit, you didn’t leave me any other choice.”

Lloyd offered him a cheeky smile as he continued to suck on a candy cane, only pulling it out of his mouth to ask, “so, what’s your New Year’s resolution? Your goals or whatever.”

“I must admit, I haven’t thought about it much,” Zane spoke as he continued to watch Nya and Cole laugh hysterically at Kai’s sorry attempt at what he called “moonwalking”, his drink sloshing in his cup and onto the floor as he did so, “I would like to continue to challenge myself, however.”

“That’s boring.” Lloyd snorted, which had Zane prying his eyes away from the party with a raised eyebrow, “mine is to get you to wear something other than white.”

Despite how strange Lloyd’s goal was, Zane couldn’t help but smile at how juvenile it really was and slipped a few celery sticks onto the boy’s plate, making him scowl with annoyance.

“That sounds like a worthy goal, Lloyd.”

Zane would severely regret encouraging the young boy a few weeks later when all of his ninja gis had been dyed neon pink as a result of Lloyd hiding Sensei’s lesson book.

[wind-becomes-lightning]

morning cuddles

bingooo yeaaa! :D just some fluffy stuff for your saturday! I ran out of steam at some point with this one so I hope its not too bad. I love them all very much.

Obito x Kakashi x Rin

Everybody lives, nobody is dead Au :)

1527 words.

Ao3 link [x]

for @obito-week 2023: you're late & family.

Obito should get up and go meet his team, but it is so warm in bed with Kakashi and Rin

With one large swoop Rin pulled the blanket from Obito’s body and threw it over Kakashi instead. “It is time for you to get up, Obito”, she said with the strict voice she only used for her medical students or when Obito hadn’t cleaned up his clothes from the floor. “You are going to be late if you don’t head out now.”

Obito, now freezing with the loss of his blanket, rolled over and buried his head in Rin's chest. “One more minute, please,” he begged and held on to the fabric of her blanket in the vain hope to get a piece of it over his body.

He knew he was already way too late to get up in time for his mission. He knew that his team was going to be waiting for him at the village gates. Naruto making a face, Sakura scolding him and Sasuke would say nothing which would be the worst of all, but Obito couldn’t get himself to leave this bed, which to him seemed like the most comfortable place on earth. Well, until Rin took the blanket from him.

It had been such a long while since the three of them had been able to be together for a night  with two squads to lead and medical ninja to train and Obito had thoroughly enjoyed his moment with both his favourite people together. At night they had a big dinner kudos for Kakashi's amazing cooking skills and then they had Rin tell them a hospital story which always creeped Obito out and made Kakashi excited and then they had gone to bed, without sleeping at first of course.

Obito especially had been against falling asleep. When the clock struck 4 am and both Rin and Kakashi could barely keep their eyes open he would still kiss each of them to keep them awake. “I don’t want tomorrow to come,” he had whined. “I don’t want us to have to part again.” And while the others had affirmed his love for them and said they understood his worries, eventually each of them fell asleep and tomorrow did come.

Now Obito had to live with the fact that he had not only overslept, but also the fact that he found himself completely unable to let go of them. Kakashi had already switched bedsides to Rin’s other side so Obito couldn’t reach for him again. “You shouldn’t let your students wait,” Kakashi had said, “That would be really bad for their teacher.” Kakashi of course was meticulous in his approach to his own ANBU squad. He’d never come too late to meetings.

“Alright, I will go, I swear I will go,”  Obito whined and grabbed the blanket again,”Just one more snuggle, I promise, just one more.”

Rin raised a brow as if she wasn’t believing in his words, but Obito repeated the plea. “I’m so cold so I can’t stay long anyway,” he said, leaving out the part about how a blanket would easily warm him up again.

“Last one, though, Obito, you promised!” Rin lifted her blanket so that Obito could quickly snuggle under it. He let out a deep sigh of relief when he felt the warmth of her body again and could put his head onto her soft and wonderful chest. Behind her he could feel Kakashi moving, his arm still slung around Rin’s hips. They were sandwiching the girl in between them.

Obito felt so good to be back with them, this is how it always had been and how it always should be. The three of them, rocky as their past had been with Obito disappearing and RIn almost dying, had always kind of stuck together. Through fights and anger and love and feelings and more fights they had always come up on the other side as a trio. So while it had been at first only Kakashi and Obito that had made the jump from friends to more than that, adding Rin had felt natural, like that had always would have always been the result of them being teamed up with each other.

“Your little family,” Minato-sensei had once said to Kakashi and Rin when they for the first time complained about working too much, “keeps you busy together, doesn’t it? Reminds me of how I was when Naruto was born.” At that point they didn’t even know that Minato was aware of the three of them dating each other. But, well, he was Hokage, so nothing got past him.

They really did feel like a family, especially when they were all babysitting Naruto as long as he was still small. Nowadays the only person babysitting Naruto was Obtio, who had been blessed or punished, depending on the day, with the boy in his Genin squad. “They fight all the time,” Obito had complained one time about Naruto and his teammate sasuke. “I can’t deal with that bickering all day.” The look Rin exchanged with Kushina did not slip past his notice. 

Kakashi and him could also be great at bickering. They did it as a sort of foreplay sometimes. There were times when their arguments got so heated and Rin had to step in, either to shut both of them up or to remind them that deep down they really loved each other. Still, Obito couldn’t help but feel that the comparison between Kakashi and him and Sasuke and Naruto was totally unwarranted, after all the kids were much more of a hassle to deal with now then Obito had ever been when he was young. At least he was convinced of as much.

Rin moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around him tighter so that he could nuzzle his head into her chest even closer. He could barely breathe in this position, but it was worth it for the comfort it gave him. Rin liked being in between both of them like this, letting both their bodies warm her from each side, but since Obito had been so whiny the night before they had made a change and let him sleep in the middle, which he had happily accepted.

“Obito,” Rin whispered in his ear. “You should really get up now.” Obito groaned in response and didn’t move a single centimetre in response. 

“The kids can wait,” he murmured into her chest. “They probably have much to catch up on since it’s been some days since we trained together.”

Kakashi let out a huff of air from behind Rin: “Excuses.”

“Hey, who was late last time Minato-sensei had a mission, because he wanted to “Just get a kiss goodbye”, huh?” Obito shot back mercilessly. Of course Kakashi would enjoy teasing Obito about this, as if he wasn’t the same. “Speaking of it, remember, Rin, when you almost missed your surgery appointment because you wanted to stay in bed listening to Kakashi?” 

Rin made a face: “T-that was different. He isn’t just reading to us everyday.” One day last summer Kakashi had found a new book that had really excited him. One afternoon the three of them had found themselves in bed together and Kakashi had started reading paragraphs from it, which had drawn them in almost instantly. Kakashi was aware of the effect his voice could have on people and so he had continued reading, loving the captivated audience around him that adored him. 

OBito had to remind Rin several times to go to work, but she had always stayed for “One more paragraph” and then almost missed her appointment.

“Really, you are in no position to judge me. At least nobody's life depends on me arriving on time. I’m just teaching a bunch of kids the importance of patience.”

Kakashi laughed, but, magically, said nothing in response. Rin squirmed, probably trying to run over the arguments she could possibly make to still win this discussion, but coming up short.

“Alright,” she said finally. “You can stay, but if you arrive and Sakura-chan rips off all your hair I will not put them back together.”

Suddenly, Obito sat up, his eyes wide: “She would, wouldn’t she?”

Behind Rin Kakashi sat up too: “I don’t think she’d have any mercy for you.”

“I… I better go then.” His eyes showed him the image of his twelve year old student Sakura, ready with a sharp kunai to carve some more scars into his cheek. “Obito sensei” she would say with a strict face. “In the two hours we had to wait here for you we thought of a new fun game to play.” A lopsided grin on her face, her green eyes glistering dangerously. He shivered. “That girl is scary.”

WIth a deep sigh he pushed himself up and dropped the  blanket from his shoulders. With another he watched Rin and Kakashi move even closer together. They would spend another few hours together here in the bedroom in their warmth, while Obito would be outside in the cold trying to keep kids from killing themselves. It was unfair, but better this than to lose all his hair or be a story in tomorrow's newspapers about a group of children that killed their teacher.

[the-iceni-bitch]

The Good News?

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x fem!reader (OTP ninja and puppy)

Words: ~2.2k

Summary: Well, you had to tell the family eventually.

Warnings: explicit language, Thrombey family drama, slut shaming, protective Ransom, almost fist fighting, no minors due to the AU

A/N: They’re just the worst guys, and Harlan is over it!

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!!

“I mean, I still feel like eloping and moving to Switzerland is a good option.” You and Ransom had been staring at the manor with the beemer running for five minutes, his thumb tracing over the ring on your finger absentmindedly while he held your hand.

“They’d follow us.” He smiled softly when he rolled his head to face you, letting his eyes fall closed when you leaned over to press your forehead against his. “And you know you want Harlan and Wanetta there, and I’m pretty sure Ari and Anne would kill us if we didn’t have some sort of party.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” You hummed when he rubbed his nose over yours, squeezing his hand and returning his smile. “Fuck, we might as well do this, what’s the plan.”

“Don’t bring it up until after dinner when they’re all drunk.” He pecked you on the lips and then the forehead before letting you go with reluctance, sighing as he gazed at the manor one more time before moving to open his door. “And hope to god they don’t notice the ring until then.”

Ransom smiled when he wound his fingers through yours again, kissing your hair and taking a deep breath as you started walking towards the manor. As much as he was thrilled the two of you were actually doing this, he definitely shared your trepidation about making this announcement to his family. They did have the tendency to ruin nice moments.

“Hello, my dear!” Ransom had to let you go when you walked in and Harlan came to embrace you, smiling when he watched his grandfather press a warm kiss to your cheek. “Everyone is here, I have to say it’s getting hard not to share the good news with all of them, you know I love a celebration.”

“I do, but given that you may be the only one who actually feels like celebrating once we tell them, I think it’s good to hold off.” Harlan scoffed lightly at you before turning to give Ransom his own hug.

“Well, I’m the oldest, and if I say we’re celebrating, we’re celebrating.” Harlan beamed when you and Ransom chuckled at that. “If they want to throw a fit about it, they can leave.”

“Great, I’m sure they’ll love that.” Ransom kissed your hair while the two of you followed after Harlan and blew out a breath when you walked into the parlor and found the whole family waiting for you. “Oh fuck.”

Apparently Harlan had invited your parents to this thing too, like that wasn’t going to arouse any kind of suspicion. Ransom put his hand on the small of your back and steered you towards the bar when you groaned, drumming his fingers against your waist and doing his best to give noncommittal replies when everyone greeted you. You plastered a smile on your face when Fran moved to pour you a drink, Ransom turning to deal with his mother and father when they stalked towards the two of you.

“We missed you at Christmas, Ransom.” Linda gave him a cursory hug and he had to keep from rolling his eyes when Richard just watched you lean over the bat with a gross look on his face. “Where did you two disappear to for two whole weeks?”

“I know Harlan told you we were in Vermont.” Ransom took the scotch when you handed it to him, his fingers lingering over yours before bringing the drink to his lips while he fought the urge to smack his father because the man wouldn’t stop staring at your ass.

“For two weeks with no warning.” Linda shook her head when Ransom just shrugged at her and took another drink. “And without the dog and cat you’re apparently unable to live without on all other occasions. Something must have happened to make you two just up and disappear.”

Ransom was about to tell her to back off when Fran spoke and he felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“Wow, look at that sparkly thing, looks like you had a very merry Christmas.”

You turned towards Ransom with a look of apologetic horror on your face. You hadn’t been thinking when you reached for your drink with your left hand, and now everyone could see the massive diamond that was glittering on your finger.

“What the hell is that?” Linda’s smile froze on her face when she saw the ring, her lips pulling back until it was basically a snarl as the two of you fought to think of something to say. “Is that the ring?”

“Let’s all just calm down.” Harlan could feel the energy in the room shift and did his best to nip it in the bud. “This is a happy occasion, let’s treat it as such.”

“Why is that whore wearing my grandmother’s ring?” Walt had spotted it and was fuming, batting off Donna when she attempted to get him to calm down as he stared murderously at you and Ransom.

“What the fuck did you just call my fiancée?” Ransom’s voice was dangerously quiet as he turned to face Walt, slowly positioning himself between you and his family while letting out a deep growl.

“You wanna say that to my fucking face, Walt?” Your voice was not quiet at all, you slammed your drink on the bar and pressed into Ransom’s arm when he held you back.

“Walt, I’ll not have that type of language about guests in my house.” Harlan looked like he was getting angry, his jaw clenched as he stared at his son.

“That was supposed to be my ring.” Linda just muttered under her breath as she kept staring at the ring on your finger, like she couldn’t believe any of this was happening. “That little bitch is wearing my ring.”

“Please, we’ve all thought it. Don’t you remember hearing her screaming like a fucking slut from across the resort when we were all on vacation?” Walt was ignoring the way his father was glaring at him. “That ring is supposed to stay in the family.”

“Fuck’s sake, like it or not, I’m a part of this family, Walt.” Ransom prowled towards Walt and jabbed him in the chest with his finger. “Now, apologize.”

“Get out of my face, you spoiled bastard.” Walt just tried to stare Ransom down and failed. “Linda, come call off your son.”

“Ransom, calm down.” Linda finally came back to herself and put a hand on his shoulder that he just shrugged off as he kept growling at Walt. “You’ve made your little scene, let’s just all take a breath.”

“Not the one going around calling people whores, mother.” Ransom barely looked at her as Walt shoved him off, fighting the urge to punch the man in the face when he shot you a dirty look. “Anyone else got any shit to say?”

“I for one think it’s romantic.” Joni flipped her hair over her shoulder and gave you and Ransom a grin as she raised her glass to you. “Congratulations you two.”

“Thanks Joni.” You huffed out a breath as you struggled to calm down, turning to your parents who were giving you unreadable expressions.

“Oh my goodness, a wedding!!” At least you’re mother looked happy, even though your father still managed to give Ransom the murder glare. “And so soon, oh! Are you having a baby?”

“Christ, mom, no!” You ran your hand over your face and Ransom groaned, scrubbing the back of his neck and screwing his eyes closed as he pulled you close again. “We’re not having kids.”

“Not ever?” Your mother looked like she was about to cry and you were over it. “But you’re getting married, you’d have such beautiful babies.”

“Surprised you’re not gonna knock her up to secure your fucking inheritance.” Walt tried grumbling behind his bourbon, but you definitely heard him. “Probably yours and this slut’s plan all along.”

“You know what, that’s it!” Ransom pulled away from you again and shoved Walt in the chest, ignoring the sudden chaos that erupted when his uncle stumbled back and everyone else ran to get between the two of them. “I’ve put up with all of your passive aggressive, abusive bull shit for years, but I hear you spew any more of that at her, I will kick your ass Walt!”

“Ok son, relax, Walt watch your hands!” Richard managed to pull Walt away from Ransom while you grabbed your fiancé, running your hands over his chest and pressing your lips to his throat until you felt his breathing start to slow down.

“You are all being absolutely ridiculous.” Linda took a deep breath as she watched you do your best to soothe Ransom. “You two pleased with yourselves? Always have to cause a scene. This is why I wanted you to settle down with a girl from a nice family.”

“Excuse me?” Now your parents were getting into it, your father giving Linda an offended look.

“Oh god, you know what I mean.” Linda waved him off.

They all started screaming at each other then, arguing about whether or not you deserved the ring or if you and Ransom should even be getting married in the first place. Ransom heard someone say the word slut again and he let out a snarl, grabbing your coats and dragging you towards the door as he nodded at Harlan, who also looked extremely perturbed at everyone’s reactions.

“Well, this was a whole lot of fun, assholes, but we’re gonna go.” Ransom kissed your hair as he helped you slide your coat on, rolling his eyes when they all stopped yelling and stared at the two of you. “Harlan, let me know if they all quit calling my fiancée a whore and maybe we can try this celebration again. Otherwise, you can all eat shit, or whatever, I’m done.”

“Wait, get back here you two!” Linda charged after the two of you while you headed outside, everyone else streaming after her. “Don’t you dare walk away from me!”

“Suck a cock, Linda.” Your voice was exhausted as you climbed into the beemer, Ransom slamming your door closed behind you and scowling at his family as he moved to the driver’s side.

“Maybe Switzerland isn’t the worst idea.” Ransom turned his head to kiss your palm when you rested it against his cheek, huffing out a breath as he started to pull away from the manor.

Harlan looked furious when everyone tried to filter back inside, chewing the inside of his cheek with frustration as he surveyed his children. Walt and Linda were still muttering together about you and how you didn’t deserve anything you were getting from Ransom and Harlan finally lost it.

“That’s enough out of the both of you.” Harlan waved his hand at Linda when she acted like she was going to fight him on it. “No, I’ve allowed you to impede that boy's happiness for too long. Both of you acting like you were automatically entitled to something that was my mother’s to give, when your son was the only one who had the sense to actually ask for it.”

“But…” Walt bit off his retort when Harlan shot his glare at him, the older man silencing both of his children with a meaningful stare as he sank into the chair behind his desk.

“It’s enough. The two of them are happy, they have my blessing and your grandmother’s blessing, I’ll hear nothing more of it.” Harlan shook his head at the two of them as they sank into the chairs on the other side of his desk. “I’ll not have you acting like a couple of spoiled children who had a toy taken from them whenever you see those two, which is going to keep happening because I’m not cutting that boy out just because he’s not falling in line with your expectations for him. So either learn to fake happiness for them or find someplace else to eat on Sundays, because I’ll not have you calling my future granddaughter a whore any longer, is that understood?”

Everyone seemed thoroughly chastened when you and Ransom arrived for dinner the next week, the strained smiles everyone was shooting you making your skin crawl as you two sat down to eat with everyone. It was like being with a bunch of Stepford wives.

“What the hell did Harlan say to them?” You leaned close to Ransom to murmur in his ear after Linda told you a fall wedding sounded lovely. “This is worse, right? It feels worse.”

“I dunno, feels weird as fuck for sure.” Ransom grabbed your hand so he could run his finger over the ring like he’d started doing more often to soothe his nerves. “At least we won’t have to worry about them making any kind of scene at the wedding, hopefully.”

“Yeah.” You didn’t like the way your mother and Linda were eyeing each other. “Hopefully. Who knows what’s gonna happen before that, though.”

[phoenixyfriend]

AU where Deidara becomes inexplicably fond of 'Tobi' to the point of just going 'fuck it' and following Obito into crazytown and, if Obito survives The Kaguya Nonsense, he now has a bitchy art school grad student following him around like "you fucked with my head for a year after making people pressgang me into a terrorist cell, now it's my turn to fuck with you." This is partly because this one post lives in my head rent-free.

(Brainstormed on discord with help from @britishassistant​. Please note that while I do usually headcanon Dei as nonbinary, this brainstorm kept to he/him pronouns and referring to him as a boy.)

Confession that this arose because I keep imagining 'person travels back to the Founders Era and wreaks havoc via Confusions, using different characters capable of 'why the FUCK' reactions every time, pinged on T7+Obito but Obito had to bring Deidara and everyone Regrets, because... boom.

Nobody wants Deidara involved, except Deidara. People especially do not want Deidara and Sai in the same room, because between Deidara's hands and Sai's 'commentary,' someone's going to get murdered. -- (Deidara is of the opinion that he should be involved in everything where there is the potential for blowing something or someone up. Deidara was sort of invited, in that Obito refuses to leave him unsupervised, but nobody really wants him, like, doing things.)

Team Seven is trying to help push a peace treaty through for the Senju and Uchiha. Keeping an eye out for Zetsu, Obito's talking Madara around as the person who actually knows him best, Naruto is Vibing with Hashirama on a level nobody hoped they'd reach, Sakura's smoothing ruffled feathers by healing the dying, Yamato is demonstrating Mokuton as evidence of something, and Kakashi has his hand over Sai's mouth so they don't cause an international incident. Sasuke isn't helping, just kind of in a stare-off with Izuna.

And then Obito says, "Wait, shit. We're missing a blonde." "Where's your idiot, Obito?" "He's not my idiot, Bakashi, he just--" BOOM "Ah, shit." [cue maniacal laughter in the middle distance]

"This is why I told you to keep an eye on him while I talked to Madara!" "I told Sasuke to do it!” "Why do you expect Sasuke to do anything you tell him to do?"

Part of what I was going for was: 1. Deidara and Obito have a preexisting relationship that angles heavily towards mutual antagonism due to the whole Tobi thing. 2. Deidara is both completely unhinged and capable of mass destruction, which means he's perfectly set to Cause Problems. And of course 3. This means a role reversal where Obito finds the shoe on the other foot because now he’s the one trying to rein in Deidara.

Obito is 100% done with Deidara, but this asshole is kind of his responsibility? Like? What's he gonna do, hand the kid over to Onoki? Nah, bruh, his douchebag teenage sidekick deserves better than Iwa. -- (Deidara does not, in fact, deserve better than Iwa.) -- It’s like Deidara is his kid or something, like he knows he’s hellspawn but he’s Obito’s hellspawn.

Madara: You came to convince us of peace, yet you bring-- Obito: No, shut up, it's better than leaving him to his own devices, at least this way I can stop him. Hashirama: How do we convince the Daimyou this is a good idea? Madara: We need to make him think there's a bigger threat, maybe? One that he can't fight without united shinobi clans to hire, rather than pitting us against one another to maintain his economic dominance. Hashirama: But there aren't any bi-- Deidara: I VOLUNTEER

Obito: So what are we going to do? Deidara: Blow up buildings belonging to the rich and powerful. Obito: And what are we not going to do? Deidara: ...blow up the innocent? Like kids? And poor people? Obito: Okay, yes. That's pretty much it. Deidara: Wait, can I blow up a monastery? Obito: Do you want the Shinigami to come after our heads?! No!!! Deidara: What if it's a Jashinist temple? Obito: We have seen evidence that one exists, do you really want to risk it?

Hashirama, full of 😀 : I brought dango! Deidara, to Obito: Are you going to eat it with your eye again. Madara, Izuna, all the Uchiha: [turn to stare] Obito: Literally why do I put up with you.

(Deidara is that one kid who Delights in telling everyone about the weird and dumb shit Obito pulled as Tobi.)

Deidara: Hey, dipshit, you wanna-- Obito:

Also, Kakashi has his four brats so Obito gets to keep Deidara. It’s only fair. -- Kakashi at least has Tenzo to coparent, and some of his kids are well-behaved... ish. They try, at least. Obito's just got a Hell Child who actively delights in causing mischief and mayhem. -- The most Naruto's going to do is dye your hair in your sleep. Sai makes dick jokes and Sakura punches things, but overall, they're not bad kids! Sasuke is. Sasuke. But that's okay, that's why there's a solid five people in that team to handle his bullshit.

Whereas Obito is stuck. With an art school grad student. -- Deidara is contextually the epitome of "I think I will cause problems on purpose." -- (Deidara... is what Tenzo would call “a bad influence.”)

Btw? Keep Sai and Deidara away from each other. Kakashi learns that the hard way. -- "Captain, the art kids are fightingggggg!"

Kakashi: Obito get a handle on your disaster Obito: DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT MY BOY THAT WAY

Jumping back a tiny bit though, Obito regularly asks Yamato to use his Mokuton to seal up Deidara's chakra for a bit. (Is this how it works in canon? Probably not, I think it's just bijuu chakra, but I also Do Not Care.)

But honestly, when it comes to Team Seven, Deidara is that one older cousin at family reunions that teaches you how to hotwire a car. -- Deidara is okay with Naruto and Sakura, ish. -- He antagonizes Sai in a way that ends in tears. -- He. Has to be kept away from Sasuke. For a variety of reasons, most of which have to do with Eyes and Explosions and Itachi.

Sasuke barely remembers who Deidara is, he’s just grumpy he couldn’t bring anyone from Taka with him.

Meanwhile Taka is just. They’re assholes? Taka bitches enough to hunt him down. They excuse it with "Juugo needs you" -- "I'm in a different dimension, eighty years in the past, how did you..." -- "Science ninja. Best sensor on the continent." -- "Also we asked Orochimaru for help." -- "Yeah, we asked Orochimaru for help."

Taka being there signals a marked improvement in Sasuke’s demeanor and cooperation, and Kakashi just resigns himself to having four more kids. -- Juugo is a godsend when he's not being set off into a homicidal rage. And he apologizes! Meanwhile, Karin and Suigetsu are The Worst.

T7+Obito and Deidara have been in the past and bullying the clans into a peace for like a week and then they just hear MASSIVE ROARING a mile away and Sasuke's like "Oh, hey, it's my idiots." -- Sasuke’s grinning for the first time in weeks. (It’s tiny and barely perceptible but it’s there.) -- I don't know that Taka could actually help at all, but they sure can cause more problems. Unlike Deidara, most of them are not intentional.

Suigetsu: Hey, Sasuke, so I know that Deidara guy tried to kill you... Sasuke: He did? Suigetsu: --but would you be mad if I tried to hook up with him? Sasuke: I don't care, knock yourself out.

(Suigetsu is the kind of man that wears tearaway pants just to reveal rainbow leggings that say "I'M GAY" on them. If Suigetsu and Sasuke didn't have at least one 'no homo' make-out session... well, I wouldn't put money on it either way, but I do think it's a valid reading of the text.)

------------------

Deidara: What's it like when Obito actually decides to be serious? Kakashi: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh Obito, previously:

Kakashi: Trauma. It's trauma.

[lloydskywalkers]

chrysanthemum

1/2 of the fics i wrote for the 10th anniversary zine!! if you haven’t checked it out yet please do @ninjaneverquit-zine , everyone worked so hard and did such a wonderful job, i’m beyond honored to have been included <3

I may not have been in the fandom since the start, but ninjago means the world to me - it’s gotten me through some of the worst times and pushed further in writing than i thought i’d go, and the fandom’s been a particularly bright light in my life since i’ve joined 💕and of course i can’t not celebrate that by writing for the light of my life lloyd garmadon, so here’s me crying over the garmadons anniversary-style :’D

Garmadon’s son has only been on the earth for twenty-four hours, and he’s only been Lloyd for nineteen, but he already finds himself terrified of the tiny, living thing he cradles in his arms.

“He’s so small,” he tells Misako, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Is he supposed to be this small?”

Misako, who’s been answering questions similar to this for the better part of the morning, rolls her eyes. “He’s fine, Garmadon. He was born a little early, that’s all.”

Not as reassured as he should be, Garmadon returns his gaze to his son. He’s sleeping now, deathly still in his arms, and he resists the urge to wave a hand over his tiny face, if only to feel the small puffs of breath he knows must be there. He brushes a wisp of hair from his head instead, marveling at how pale it is.

“He’s got my father’s hair,” he murmurs.

“I don’t care, Garmadon, we’re still not naming him after the man.”

It’s Garmadon’s turn to roll his eyes. “I never said that. I said Montgomery was an unacceptable name to burden my son with.”

“Oh, your son.”

He misses the rest of her retort as Lloyd fidgets briefly, tiny features screwing up as he shifts. A flash of lightning from outside brightens the room, and Garmadon pulls Lloyd closer reflexively. The thunder crack follows soon after, and Garmadon flinches, the thick smell of rain filtering through the open windows. He can already see thick droplets sliding down the hydrangeas Misako’s growing in the windowsill, drowning the pale flowers. It’s been pouring all week, typhoons hitting the coast with gusto as they always do this time of year. Garmadon doesn’t like it — his son is much more suited for the sun and all its brightness, not the grey-skied downpour of thunderclouds.

Lloyd hardly reacts to the downpour, having gone still and silent in his arms once again. Garmadon’s heartbeat quickens. He shouldn’t sleep this much, should he? He doesn’t remember Wu being like that, but he was so young when Wu was born, and it was so long ago, and he can’t feel for Lloyd’s breathing now because the breeze pouring through the window’s too strong, and—

A soft hand sets on his shoulder. “Here,” Misako sighs, guiding Garmadon’s hand to rest gently over Lloyd’s chest. “Feel. That’s a heart, going strong.”

Despite his hesitance, a deep-rooted part of him still desperately afraid his touch might hurt something so small, Garmadon does so. Lloyd’s heartbeat is rapid and as fragile as a bird’s wing, but undeniably there. A small, living thing.

Something warm curls in his chest, and Garmadon thinks he might understand his father’s delight in creation — in things that live.

Not, of course, that his father has ever created anything so perfect as Lloyd, but Garmadon can credit him for having tried.

* * *

It’s weird, having a dad.

Not the concept of having a dad — Lloyd’s bragged enough about being the son of Lord Garmadon to at least get that part. But actually having him here, a living, breathing person who looks at Lloyd and cares—

It’s weird, that’s all. Not that it’s a bad weird.

“You need to wrap your hands, before you go hitting things like that,” Garmadon scolds gently, twisting gauze around Lloyd’s bruised, swollen fingers. “The others can show you how, for training. They should have shown you earlier.”

Lloyd bites his lip. He doesn’t tell his dad that the bruises are less from training, and more from pointlessly banging on bars in an attempt to get on Pythor’s nerves. It sounds silly, compared to the way his dad swept in like a big hero and took out all the snakes in single swipes.

A big hero. Lloyd wonders if the others will ever see him that way, too.

His hand twinges as the gauze pulls tight, and Lloyd sucks in a sharp breath. Garmadon flinches, drawing his hands back.

“I’m sorry,” he says, quickly. “I keep forgetting — you’re so small.”

Lloyd makes a face at that. Small? “I’m not that short,” he grumbles. “I’ve grown lots.”

“Of course you have,” Garmadon amends. “I only—”

His expression twists, and Lloyd’s stomach drops. There’s that look again.

“I’m sorry,” Garmadon repeats, sounding downtrodden.

Lloyd purses his lips. For all his bragging, he’s never really thought much about whether he likes his family or not. It’s hard, when you don’t have one around to like. Watching the way his dad worries and his uncle walks around all stone-faced now, Lloyd’s not sure he should like it. He likes Uncle Wu, of course, and he loves his dad, but—

He hates the way they all walk around like they’re preparing for a funeral. His dad’s funeral, his funeral, whichever it ends up being. It’s stupid. Lloyd’s lived on the streets for months, and in Darkley’s even longer. He wouldn’t have minded walking around like he’s doomed for misery then.

But now? When he’s got people who care, and a family?

Lloyd sets his mouth stubbornly. He doesn’t know much about destiny, or the prophecy, but he knows he’s not about to lose this. Not when he’s come so far, when he’s so close to having — to being someone worth having around.

No funerals, Lloyd promises himself. He can see this prophecy through — they both can, the two of them. You have to be alive to be a family, right?

“It’s okay,” he finally replies. “I’m alright, dad.”

And he’s gonna stay that way.

* * *

When Garmadon had thought about the final battle in the past, he’d expected the darkness. The destruction, the pain.

He hadn’t expected to survive.

“So you’re really giving up fighting, then?”

Glancing up at Lloyd, taller now yet still small enough to not quite fit his bright golden gi, Garmadon finds survival a very welcome surprise.

“Yes,” he says, returning his gaze to the flowerbeds Misako’s helped him put in the monastery garden. They’re coming along well, despite the recent fits of bad weather, and they do a fine job of making the monastery look homey. Unthreatening.

He hopes, at least.

“I think I’ve done enough fighting, for my part,” he continues. He gives Lloyd a wry look. “I’m not sure Ninjago could take much more of it from me, anyways.”

“I dunno,” Lloyd says. “It’s been getting pretty boring.”

Garmadon snorts. “Boring is something you should appreciate, son. Excitement isn’t always good.”

“No, but it isn’t bor—dull,” Lloyd mutters, crouching down to study the flowerbeds. Garmadon shakes his head in reply, sighing. He remembers being his son’s age once, yearning for the next thrill, even if it feels ages away now.

He’s got a whole lecture on appreciating the quiet moments on the tip of his tongue, too, when Lloyd speaks up again.

“We used to have these flowers at Darkley’s,” he says, tilting his head as he studies them. “Some of the boys tore them all up and threw ‘em at the window, but they were pretty before that."

Garmadon bites the inside of his cheek, his eyebrows furrowing. His expression softens as he spots the gentle way Lloyd handles the flower, carefully pushing it back to place. It never fails to baffle him how someone as gentle as Lloyd could’ve come from his beginnings, much less from Garmadon, but he treasures it.

“Snapdragons,” Garmadon says, instead. “Fitting flowers, for our family.”

Lloyd looks at him curiously, eyes bright with the light of suspicion, and Garmadon is tempted to tell him the full truth, then and there. But Lloyd is still so young, innocent and naive and barely come to terms with his place as the Green Ninja. The truth of their blood is a heavy one, and Garmadon can’t find it in himself to lay it on Lloyd’s shoulders today. No, his son is happy among humans, so a human he’ll let him be. Someday he’ll know he’s more, closer to the dragons he admires than he realizes, but not quite yet.

Miraculously, Garmadon has the time, now.

“If you stay after dinner, I can show you how they’re planted,” he offers. Lloyd nods, and Garmadon’s smile widens.

Destruction is in his blood, and he’d be blind to say it isn’t in Lloyd’s as well. Power is power, whether it’s bright and beautiful or stained in darkness, and Lloyd could shatter mountains as well as move them, if he wanted.

But Lloyd never moves to pull the flowers up, only watches them rustle slightly in the breeze, leaving them to grow a little bigger, a little brighter. Garmadon, for his part, watches his son, all bright eyes and the burnished gold hair of his grandfather, and reminds himself that one needs not be a master of creation to appreciate life.

* * *

Lloyd likes to think of himself as an optimist, for the most part. He’s at least good at pretending that he is one, with how many times he’s had to convince himself it’s worth it to get back up.

Right now, he’s trying to remember how he’s ever managed to convince himself, because this time, getting back up seems impossible.

Lloyd used to wonder, back during Morro, how far you had to push yourself to break like that. How far someone had to push you, to truly splinter. He thinks he might have found his answer, though his is less of a bitter hatred and more of an empty abyss of hurt.

It hurts to breathe. That would be a sign that something’s wrong, if Lloyd didn’t already have about sixty other signs that he’s in trouble. But the breathing thing is sticking out to him especially, right now. His lungs feel like they’re scraping against his ribs every time he tries to draw breath, bruised and stinging, and there’s a deep ache in his chest that grows worse by the minute.

He tries swallowing again, sand scraping down his throat as he does. He hisses out a breath instead of coughing, almost frightened that his lungs will give out completely if he does.

He says almost, because Lloyd isn’t sure what emotions he’s got left to feel anymore.

A lie. Pain starts numb, sometimes.

Lloyd’s chest spasms as he sucks in another breath, and he wishes the desert would swallow him whole. His father — his real father, who pushed him from the Cursed Realm and told him to return to light and living — would want him to stand back up. He’d beg him to, stress the importance of continuing on, of persevering. Stuff like that.

But if it wasn’t for his father, Lloyd wouldn’t have to get back up in the first place. If it wasn’t for his father, Lloyd wouldn’t be—

His eyes burn, stinging as he squeezes them tightly shut, and he tells himself it’s the sand.

Instead, he focuses on the ragged beat of his heart. He only knows it’s there because his chest throbs in pain with every pulse, but he latches onto the feeling and holds tight.

Still alive, he tells himself, even as every bit of him sings in agony and his lungs scream at him to stop. He’s still alive. His powers aren’t answering him but they will, he knows they will, he can’t disappear like he did with Morro. He can’t — he can’t leave it, not like this, not with his father — not like this. If he can’t stop Harumi, if he can’t save his father, if he can’t do anything else at all, he can at least do this.

Stay alive. Stay alive. Stay alive.

He’s never realized how long the nights out here are, before.

* * *

After everything, the light dies down and the Oni vanish, and Lloyd’s heart stops.

It shouldn’t be a surprise to Garmadon, who isn’t even sure his own heart beats now, but it is.

It’s not supposed to stop. There was a promise made, somewhere, to keep it beating.

It restarts before he has the chance to process what that even means, and the swell of relief is so foreign, Garmadon leaves before he even has the chance to ask Lloyd what he’d seen. He thinks to himself, that will be the end of it. The end of whatever tentative connection he has with the boy, whatever frayed and tattered threads of something they once had. Better to cut them away for good.

Lloyd’s not one to let things die, though. Garmadon should know that at least, the boy tells him.

“I know you like repeating yourself,” he mutters. “Letting go is different.”

“That’s not what this is,” Lloyd huffs back.

Garmadon rolls his eyes, the two of them drifting aimlessly down the Ninjago City garden paths. It’s secluded, the rest of the city still recovering, and Garmadon’s grateful for the quiet, even if it is awkward. Building any kind of bridge with the boy is difficult, if only because Lloyd stresses that they’re rebuilding a bridge, and Garmadon has no memory of any bridge to begin with.

He’s still sifting through jumbled emotions, sorting out what his place in this world was and is supposed to be, but he knows that the word son slips easier from his mouth than daughter ever did, so he figures he’s on the right path, at least.

“It’s about—” Lloyd pauses, his expression contorting. “It’s about surviving, I guess,” he grinds out.

Garmadon’s mouth curls into a grin. “Really. You were quite…vocal, that it was about more than that.”

“It is, it’s just—” Lloyd cuts off again, stopping them in a half-ruined section of garden still littered with remnants of concrete. “It’s the payoff, you know? Here.”

He bends down, brushing dust from a surviving scattering of flowers. He gently touches the edge of a petal, pushing the flower head toward the sun. “See?” he says. “After all that, it’s still alive.”

Garmadon stares at the delicate edges of the petal, smaller and more fragile than any of the buildings that crumbled beneath his rule. At Lloyd’s nod, he stretches his own fingers out toward it, his hand impossibly dark and calloused next to his son’s own small one. But he brushes his fingers over the petal edge nonetheless, almost surprised that it doesn’t decay beneath his touch. It’s soft, he notes, like the fragile skin of a newborn. Odd that it should’ve survived, out of everything else that perished.

“So it is,” he says, carefully. Lloyd says nothing, but there’s a ghost of a smile around his lips. They must make an odd sight, the pair of them crouched in the dirt in the recovering garden. There’s no use in sitting here and looking at the flower, no explanation Garmadon can offer himself, but he doesn’t leave. He can take the moment, he decides, to appreciate what Lloyd is trying to show him.

They too, after all, are still alive.

[painless-innit-colourful]

‘Two Down, One To Go’ - part 2

The aftermath of the Manberg Festival was a Clingy Duo goldmine, so naturally I’ve been trying to write something for it for 8 months. In this edition of giving the early canon deaths more emotional weight: Tubbo was there for Tommy the night after he lost his second life, and he’d like to return the favour. Unfortunately, his temper gets the better of him.  Featuring a little headcanon about how a person knows how many lives they have left, and so. much. canon. dialogue.

part one | part three

---

Night of the Festival

His own words echoed in his ears, “Be safe.” He’d embraced Tubbo up on the roof, and that gesture and those words had meant good luck. They’d meant don’t fluff your words, don’t say anything you’re not supposed to. They’d meant see you tomorrow in Pogtopia with a potato stew and something to discuss. Alternatively, they’d meant be careful, pick your moment and be ready to run. See you in Pogtopia tonight. Don’t stick around to see Manberg go up in smoke. Don’t stick around for the fireworks.

But as Schlatt raised the microphone he’d snatched out of Tubbo’s hands and yelled into it “MURDER HIM RIGHT NOW, ON THIS F*CKING STAGE. AND MAKE IT HURT.” and Technoblade - their ally, come on Techno - loaded a festival rocket to his crossbow, he remembered another thing he’d said, only minutes before that. To Wilbur, before they’d called Tubbo up to the rooftop. “Look, even Tubbo is having a lovely time… Look at him in his suit, he’s growing up.” And perhaps the worst one, flashing through his mind for a millisecond as Techno let the explosive bolt fly. “Look, he’s letting off fireworks!”

“Don’t you want him to be happy?”

They made their way back to Pogtopia, and neither contingency for that night had come to fruition. Manberg still stood, but Tubbo was no longer a part of it. Without context, it was the ideal outcome, but with every step homeward they ran through the subterranean tunnels, Tommy became more and more aware of Tubbo’s pained breathing, the whimpers and gasps between the pants, the way his grip on Tommy’s hand spasmed involuntarily. He figured even if Tubbo let go, the amount of blood glueing their palms together would prevent them from becoming separated. He’d stopped glancing back for people following them and was now just looking at his best friend. The injuries were bad, and TommyInnit was seeing red in more ways than one. He’d thought about carrying him, but he wasn’t sure where he could touch without causing more damage, plus, he needed his hands free in case they ran into anything or anyone. No one could be trusted tonight. He kept his hold of Tubbo’s hand as loose as possible.

They thundered up the steps and into the ravine they called home, and only when they were sure they were safe did Tommy put down his sword.

Tubbo leant heavily against the nearest wall, a bloody mess. He wasn’t wearing his jacket so much as it was wearing him. His shirt was past-saving levels of bloodsoaked, and his tie was hanging by a thread. There was a hole in the chest region of his shirt where the crossbow bolt had killed him, the puncture wound below, Tommy didn’t need to look to know that it would be healed, a neat little scar. He was more concerned with the damage the firework had done.

See, deaths were a b*tch like that. When you died any old death and came back, the killing wound would be entirely gone, scar and all. Other injuries you’d picked up, either as part of your death or just before it, healed a bit but lingered. There was a sizeable cut on his left side where Purpled had slashed another death into the library of his life, but it had mostly scabbed over already. Quick healing, multiple deaths. Nature’s blessings to a species that can’t help destroying itself over and over again. By tomorrow, the bruises and scratches from fighting a whole crowd of Manbergians single-handedly would be gone, and by the end of the week that long cut would be forgotten like so many others. But deaths that counted, deaths that registered in the tallies on your chest were different. The killing injuries were still healed, but they left prominent scars that would never heal. Tommy had two: one on the back of his head where he’d cracked his skull open trying to blindly scramble away from Eret’s trap, and one just to the left of the centre of his chest where Dream had shot him. And as well as scarring you for life, the injuries you had at the time persisted longer and were barely healed at all.

He knew he wasn’t thinking clearly that night, but in hindsight, he really should’ve known what was going on with Tubbo earlier.

Tommy knelt before his friend as he slid down the wall to meet him. He put one hand on each side of Tubbo’s face; the other boy dropped his arms from around his middle to meet them, his jacket finally falling off. Tommy made a mental note to burn it. The burns on Tubbo’s face were horrific, patterning the skin around his eyes and nose like a masquerade mask and spiking like an explosion. His eyes themselves had been mostly spared, and Tommy thanked Not Techno that he had fired the killing rocket at Tubbo’s chest. Still, they were incredibly bloodshot, very unfocused and milky in places, and swimming with all the wrong colours for a blue-eyed boy. Tommy recalled what Phil had told him once about treating burns, years ago after someone (naming no names) had stuck his arm right into an open flame after being egged on by his two older brothers. ‘The best thing for that is air.’ He moved on, murmuring “You’re okay, you’re alright.” to the boy shaking beneath his hands.

Unbuttoning a soaked shirt is difficult work when it’s just water, but the blood of a friend makes it just that loveliest bit worse. When he finally peeled it away, the full force of the metallic smell hit the air; Tubbo gagged at the scent and Tommy tried not to do the same. Somewhere under all the blood, there was a small, neat scar, but right that second, it was entirely obscured by ragged flesh. He was careful not to touch it too much, for every time he did, Tubbo shuddered and winced and curled in on himself, like an animal making itself small for protection. “Wait here.” It wasn’t like he was going to go far; it was probably more for Tommy’s benefit as he got up and jogged to a small room with a couple chests in it at the far end of the ravine. He rifled through both, pulling a half-empty bottle of water from one and a large first aid box from the other, and hurrying back to Tubbo. He was acutely aware of Wilbur’s voice emanating in sharp bursts from the communicator hanging limply from his ear, but he tuned it out as he knelt back beside Tubbo.

He flipped open the box first, cursing himself for never reading more of the large manual he tossed aside upon opening. On himself he could trust his patchy knowledge, but he didn’t want to cause any more hurt to his friend. “Tubbo, hey, listen to me,” He put his arms out, guiding Tubbo to lean on him. “This might sting- Okay, this will sting. Just, please, don’t move. I’ll get you wrapped up, and this’ll be over soon, I promise.” By this point, he’d pried away the ruined shirt by cutting it apart with the scalpel in the first aid kit and peeling it away, revealing the full extent of the burns. They followed the same pattern as the ones on his face, spraying out from the darker point of impact in the imprint of an explosion, except this one was much bigger. “Hold onto me, okay?” Tubbo’s response was breathy and pained, “I can’t- Can’t stop shaking-”

Tommy ripped open the packet of antiseptic wipes, whispering an apology as he pressed one to Tubbo’s chest, and the boy yelped at the burning sensation. His fingers dug into Tommy’s shoulders as the blonde methodically wiped across the mess of burned skin, the wipes coming away a reddish-grey. Tommy pressed his forehead to Tubbo’s as he finished wiping along the side and down the insides of his arms, cleaning away soot, ash, small particles of firework and dried blood. It all came away rather cleanly (thank Prime) but in places more red appeared, blood blooming in patches like poppies’ petals. Tommy discarded the last of the wipes into a dirty pile and, as quickly as he could, grabbed a roll of bandages and started wrapping, all the while murmuring to Tubbo, “Almost done, just a little longer, you’re okay, you’re okay.”

Tommy heard Wilbur arrive just as he was taping the end of the final bandage down, the one he’d put around Tubbo’s left arm. The boy in question was practically in his arms, and as he finished he dropped the medical tape and just held him for a minute or two. He rubbed circles into Tubbo’s uninjured shoulder. “I don’t understand.” He looked down at Tubbo shifting to look up at him, pushing himself up slowly to lean against the wall again. “Wilbur said- Wilbur said to stay strong, and that he was on our side!” His voice cracked, and Tommy gave him a sympathetic look as a shiver ran up his spine. He thought about putting the jacket tied around his waist on and then realised Tubbo probably needed it more than him, since he was technically topless. “He was on our side!” “He just- I was literally talking to Wilbur! Over comms, I- He just-” Tommy exhaled heavily, muttering “What the f*ck.” over and over as he untied the arms of the jacket and slung it around Tubbo carefully. Tubbo wiggled halfway into it before he gave up and listed back towards Tommy, who settled with his head leaning on Tubbo’s good shoulder. “Where is that button.”

Before Tubbo could respond, Wilbur’s voice behind them caught their shared attention, echoing tinnily from the communicators they had both been ignoring as well as around the cavern. “Tubbo, did you destroy a button behind where Ninja- Where we met Ninja?” Their older brother was leaning against the nearest wall of the ravine, his posture laid back and nonchalant, but there was something wrong with his eyes. There was no warmth in them; they were as unforgiving as the frigid stone walls. He held the microphone of his communicator right next to his lips as he spoke, only dropping it when both boys looked over at him. “No- No!” Came Tubbo’s hasty reply, and Tommy wanted to shake his shoulders and ask him again. (He refrained.) Tubbo writhed beneath Wilbur’s unrelenting glare. “I never knew of any button.”

Wilbur kicked himself off the wall and walked towards the two of them with a scowl and a sigh. “The button was gone,” He began, and there was no stopping him. “I couldn’t find the room! I couldn’t find the room; I built a room, and it was like linked up and it had redstone, and it was like- it was like hidden!” He threw his arms up in a great display of exasperation. “I can’t believe it.” He walked past them and away into one of the many side chambers of Pogtopia, a second “I can’t believe it!” echoing back towards them. Tubbo tilted his head and caught Tommy’s intense gaze and furrowed brow. “Tommy?” “Why did Techno kill you?” He sighed heavily, but this time there was fury building behind it. “They f*cked up for the last time.” “Don’t- Tommy I’m gonna be honest with you,” Tubbo closed his eyes as if trying to remember something. “I don’t know if- Before the thing, I kinda searched around the premises, I don’t think there was TNT planted.” “But there was a button back there Tubbo- You just heard, Wilbur said there was a button!” “Look, there’s a lot-” He opened his eyes again, leaning closer to Tommy’s ear, trying not to put any weight on any of his injuries. “Don’t-” He whispered, suddenly sounding desperate, his eyes wandering after where Wilbur had staggered off to. “Don’t stoop to Wilbur’s level, man.”

Tommy sighed. He knew Tubbo was right; there was something seriously wrong with Wilbur these days, he’d known it ever since he’d watched him pledge some twisted kind of allegiance to Dream. But every time he looked at Tubbo his anger surged again, and every time he closed his eyes he saw the bright flash of a firework. If he saw Techno-

“Uh… Big T?” Tommy blinked and shook his head. “Yeah?” Tubbo was pulling anxiously at some of the bandages on his chest. “I think- I think these are a bit tight.” “Ah- Sorry.” Wilbur staggered back into the main room of their hideout as Tommy went to work loosening the bandages slightly, working slower and more carefully this time. “You okay?” Tommy spared a quick glance back at their leader when Tubbo asked the question. He was standing on one leg, twisting the other foot back and forth gently. “Mostly. Think I did something to my ankle when I was getting off the roof.” He made a few noises of anguish then stopped abruptly, and Tommy could figure he was distracted by the voice coming through the communicator that Tommy could only just hear.

“Wait where are you guys I’ll meet up.”

He took one deep, calming breath, then ripped out the wire and threw it across the room. He finished re-wrapping Tubbo’s bandages and ran his hands along them to ensure they would hold when he moved. He wasn’t going to get angry. He wasn’t going to get angry. He would stay calm and make sure his best friend was alright and pretend their most powerful ally didn’t just betray them. He wasn’t going to get angry.

His hands came to rest either side of where Tubbo’s heart would be, and he was about to take them away when he stopped. There, on the left side, just under his collarbone.

No.

The first ridge, ever-present for both of them. F*ck Eret.

No way.

And… The second. New. Not there when he’d seen him last night, when he’d quickly thrown his green shirt at Tommy’s head. “No Schlatt, I’m- Yeah I’m in the library again… I’ll be right there.”

“Tommy-” Tubbo waved a hand in front of his face. “Tommy I’m alright, Tommy I’ll be okay-” He shook his head, wrestling with his anger. “No, no, Tubbo?” They both paused, looking into each other’s eyes, searching for the reassurance neither of them could give. “I- You-" He shook with rage, holding back an outburst. Where would it go?

What would he do? Run back to Manberg to the b*stard in power? Go upstairs and start fights with mobs? Go yell at Wilbur? As he started to cool off (for Tubbo; who was holding him by the arm and trying to calm him down), the tunnel vision receded. Getting angry wasn't an option right now. They needed to hold it together. Be logical, not emotional. Strategically plan their next move.

Unfortunately, that’s when one half-pig, half-man came trotting nonchalantly down the stairs of their ravine home, and the red mist descended.

“Technoblade! The Blade, the Blade!” Wilbur’s cheering did nothing to help his rapidly declining mood. “Tommy-” But he couldn’t hear his friend as he stood and marched, head down across the ravine floor. He was unarmed: not for long, grabbing a lonely axe sitting against the cavern wall. He could hear Tubbo struggling to stay with him; asking him to stop or egging him on? The spaces between the silence had turned to static.

Technoblade was still wearing full Netherite armour and holding his crossbow in one hand, the business end pointed at the floor. Wilbur bounced around him like a crazy man on a pogo stick, chanting “The Blade!” while Techno regarded him with something adjacent to bemusement. “The gang’s all here!” Wil shouted as Tommy and presumably Tubbo approached, one injured and one seething. “Ooh look out Techno, Tommy’s angry at you. Look at him, look in his eyes, look at his little axe. He’s pissed at you dude.” He laughed, and there was something about it Tommy really didn’t like. “Go on, go on Tommy. Say something.”

“Wil, this isn’t funny.” He turned on Techno, and the axe in his right hand felt remarkably light. He took a deep breath to regain some calm: that was a mistake. Like throwing fuel on the fire, TommyInnit exploded.

“Are you insane?! You just killed Tubbo, in front of everybody, at the President’s command.” He spat the words as he swung the axe before him in a wild arc; Techno parried it lazily with the side of his crossbow. “And you think you can just rock up here? You’re not even Pogtopia anymore, you’re just a-f*cking-nother JSchlatt pawn.” “I had reason to, Tommy, th-” “WHAT REASON?” “I was peer pressured, y’see, and I couldn’t just jeopardise myself like that, there was about twenty dudes who would’ve shot me where I stood.” “You can literally fly!” “I can only fly in the rain Tommy. It’s my one weakness.”

Tommy moved closer, only partially aware that Niki had inexplicably just joined them; Wil had amicably put an arm around her shoulders that she looked eager to escape from. “So what, you just bend to peer pressure?” “Yes. Immediately.” Niki seized her moment to run past Tommy when Wilbur practically collapsed in hysterical laughter on the stairs. All eyes were on him as Tubbo (who’d brought Tommy’s jacket with him) quietly asked “What’s so funny?” and you’d have to be deaf to miss the betrayal in his voice. Wilbur mimed (or maybe not) wiping a tear from his eye as he looked Tommy in his, “It’s just exactly as I predicted, isn’t it Tommy? No one here has any honour, not anymore. Everyone’s just following whoever has the most power. No one cares about sides! Everyone’s just doing what they’re told! Look, Tommy, what else do I need to convince you?” He slid down from his higher seat and stepped over to Tommy, moving imposingly despite the slight wobble he had with his battered ankle. He stopped arm’s distance away, holding his arms out as if to ask the question with them - open, undefended.

“Technoblade betrayed us on the whim of the President, the whim of the government. Tubbo decorated the stage for his own execution. And you-” Without thinking, Tommy put the razor-sharp edge of the axe against his brother’s chest. Both boys’ eyes followed his movement, and while Tommy felt repulsed by his own action (oh god, would I really kill him?), it just amused Wilbur further. “You wanted to blow up Manberg, just now. You said it, only minutes ago. ‘Where’s the f*cking button.’ You’ll always be my right-hand man, Tommy.”

The shove that Tommy gave him, turning the axe to use the other side, sent him stumbling back and crashing into Techno. He strode forward, using the axe again to wrench Wilbur out of the way. The older man was nonplussed, catching himself on the wall and laughing. “Let it out Tommy.” “WAS IT WORTH IT? WAS IT?” Technoblade whipped out his shield just in time to stop another one of Tommy’s wild swings from connecting with his neck. It bounced off his armour instead, leaving a scratch over the collarbone. “GET OUT OF HERE, GO BE NEXT TO YOUR ‘PRESIDENT’, YOU CLEARLY DON’T MIND KILLING FOR HIM.” “You really think you can destroy Manberg without my help, Tommy?” The next words out of his mouth came out as a low growl. “I could do without you taking a f*cking life away from my best friend.”

It was like the air temperature around them had suddenly dropped several degrees. A chill ran visibly down Wilbur’s spine as his crazed smile dropped, Tubbo looked at his shoes, Niki looked at him, and even Techno’s bravado seemed to wither away as Tommy’s pronouncement settled over the group. “Yeah. I don’t give a f*ck about peer pressure or whatever other bullsh*t you can come up with, not when you’ve just knocked him down to one life left. Do you know what it’s like? Huh?” He stepped closer, getting in Techno’s face; the pigman’s guarded expression returned. “No. You f*cking don’t. You’ve not even been in danger of losing a life. Me and Wil, we know what it’s like to live in fear of dying for good, every f*cking day of our godd*mn lives.” He turned and stepped back to gesture at Wilbur, who merely crossed his arms and regarded him coldly from his perch on the stairs. “Wilbur lost his second at the election and guess what? He’s been going out of his f*cking mind ever since-” “And what about you?”

Tommy felt Tubbo’s hand on his arm, and didn’t need to turn to know exactly what look he’d be getting. Don’t. “What’s that supposed to mean.” It was a challenge, not a question, and Techno’s never been one to shy away from an ultimatum. “You said it yourself. Wilbur’s been… straying from the path ever since he lost his second canon life in the aftermath of the elections.” He shrugged, looking Tommy directly in the eyes. His were brown, but he didn’t need to look to know that. They had been brothers once. “How have you been faring? How long has it been now, since the revolution?”

“You monstrous piece of sh*t!” Tommy flew at the Blade, swinging his purloined axe back and forth with reckless abandon. “How f*ckin’ dare you! You don’t know what it’s like to die, you b*tch! And then you think it’s okay to kill Tubbo on the President’s command?” “You think I wanted to? How was I to know that would be a canon death-?” “What the f*ck do you mean ‘How was I to know’?!” He mocked, still attacking, shouting between swings. “You executed him in front of a godd*mn crowd! Are you f*cking stupid?”

By this time, Tubbo and Niki had joined the fray and added their voices to the cacophony of Tommy’s bellowing and Techno’s reprisals. Niki was trying unsuccessfully to stop Tommy’s sudden mad tirade, though she proved ineffective in no armour as she kept having to duck out of the way of the recoiling axe swings. Tubbo stood to the side calling to Tommy, trying also to get him to calm down, though he seemed to lose faith much quicker and simply watched with a detached expression as the scene unfolded around him. And Wilbur stood over all of them on the staircase, observing the mayhem unfold as each of the main members of Pogtopia aired their frustrations for all to see. And Wilbur revelled in it. The violence, the noise. For a man with an unfinished symphony to his name, this could be the groundwork for a movement. His rebellion was falling apart at the seams, sure, but who knew witnessing the intricacies of the disintegrating stitching was so exhilarating? He had of course said yes when Dream invited him to Team Chaos, but the extent to which total bedlam was so invigorating thrilled him.

“I’m gonna make a combat pit, hold on.” Tommy was only just in control of his own limbs at that moment enough to change the direction of his strike while he was doing it so it didn’t hit Wilbur. Wilbur, who apparently was so out of his mind that he didn’t see the danger in walking between Tommy and Techno while one of them was ineffectually trying to beat the sh*t out of the other, strode between them, carrying in his posture all the grace of a refined leader with a twisted ankle, pickaxe in hand as he made true on his pronouncement with a machiavellian grin in place. The others stared on with mounting worry as he went to work hewing a tiny chamber off to the side of the main ravine’s walkway. All except Tommy, who’d been thrown to the floor by the combined forces of his redirected swing and Steam Train Wilbur.

"What the f*ck?" He panted repeatedly, struggling to push himself to his feet without looking. "Wil?" Techno asked, as the quiet that had consumed the group grew. "Settle your feelings," Wilbur wheeled around, pickaxe slung over one shoulder, one hand indicating the hole-in-the-wall room that he'd just created like a showman with a new set-piece. "With your fists."

Tubbo was at Tommy's side again, shaky hands gripping him by the arm. "Tommy stop. The last thing we need right now is infighting." Tommy gave him an incredulous look. "Tubbo, he just killed you! If that isn't already infighting, I don't know what is!" "I- I forgive him." All eyes were on him once again; Wilbur looked weirdly agitated and Techno raised an eyebrow. "He didn't really have a choice, not when surrounded by so many enemies." He dropped Tommy's arm as the blonde stared at him with an open mouth and went to hold his arms, careful around the bandages. "I get it. So I forgive him."

They stood, a metre and many miles apart for just a moment, before Tommy closed the gap, pressing his axe into Tubbo's hands. Then he turned, swept his hair from his eyes, and dropped into the Pit. Techno was soon to follow, depositing his armour and weapons by the side of the stairs and joining Tommy.

“Sure you wanna do this, Tommy?” Tommy felt his senses heightening once more, sharpening, forming a tunnel in his vision that focused solely on the foe ahead of him. Funnily enough, it wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, living on a server like this. It smelt like ash and gunpowder. It had the feel of a bowstring.

Dimly, Tommy wondered if Techno felt it too.

He steadied his stance, “You killed Tubbo, Techno.” The pig hybrid shrugged, idly cracking his knuckles. “Alright… We settle our feelings with our fists.” He cast a glance up at the small crowd looking down on them, at Wilbur who was beaming at him with his hands scrunched up in his pockets, at the half a dozen civilians and Pogtopians that had dared to venture towards the arguing leaders and figureheads. “When we come outta here, win or lose, no hard feelings: it stays in the pit.” Wilbur giggled. “It stays in the pit.”

For a few seconds, the entire cavern stood still, the only movement coming from the overhead lanterns swaying in the cold draft blowing through the cave. With uncertainty in his movement, Tommy turned hesitantly, tilting his head back to look up at Tubbo. He asked him a silent question with a flick of his eyes: ‘Do I?’ Because really, this was a bad idea. Facing Technoblade in one-on-one combat was not going to end well. And right now, infighting was the last thing they needed. So Tommy put it in Tubbo’s hands, not for the first time that night.  (He’d wanted Manberg to go.)

“I think, Tommy,” Tubbo said evenly, keeping his eyes firmly on his friend as the rest of the room turned to regard him. “Just do whatever you think’s right.” The logical thing to do would be to concede. But when one’s been attacked - he thinks as he follows the fold of Tubbo’s bandages, remembers the ridge by his heart - one does not apologise to one's attacker. “You killed him, Techno.” The pig looked back calmly, and it seemed like he almost smiled. “It stays in the pit.” “You took his second life! You can’t f*cking get that back.” “In the pit.”

He untucked his thumbs from the fists he’d made, “You killed my right-hand man. And you referred to JSchlatt as ‘Mr President’.” “I mean, that is his title.” Tommy nearly flew at him there and then. Wilbur picked up on that, “Do it. Do it. Kill ‘im.” They both looked up, alarmed, as Wilbur egged them on and continued to miss the letter ‘h’ from his enunciation. “Kill ‘im, punch ‘im.” Tubbo looked like he was trying to convince the ground to open up and swallow them all whole. Niki had Tommy’s discarded axe in her hands and looked like she might intervene. Or help Tubbo, one of the two.

“I’m not doing this for Wilbur.” Tommy declared, tensing his muscles. “You murdered my boy. You betrayed us all.” “I was peer pressured, Tommy. There were, like, twenty dudes who would’ve shot me where I stood.” “You can literally fly-” “If I’d blown my own cover we’d lose the last person we have that can go into Manberg without being hunted down. We lost one spy today; we could’ve lost two.” Sounding irritated, Wilbur suddenly called down. “When you’re ready Tommy.” The boy in question seethed, “This wasn’t about some f*cking military strategy.”

His hands connected with Technoblade’s shoulders, as he blindly aimed a kick to one of the Blade’s shins. They backed into a corner and Techno braced his back against the wall, lean-falling into it and bringing one foot off the floor to kick Tommy in the gut. Tommy came back with a punch, his fist outlining a wild arc that glanced off Techno’s collarbone as he ducked beneath it and jabbed Tommy in the side, sending the boy reeling, and yet surging back in for more. “Yes… Yes!” Came Wil’s disconcerting cheers. The imbalance of skill and power was plain to see: Techno hit harder, fought with the techniques of a seasoned warrior and pushed through Tommy’s punches as if he didn’t notice them. Tommy, on the other hand, fought like he was a kid on a playground. He wore down quickly, his movements getting slower and more telegraphed. Techno seized him by the shirt and threw him into the wall, where he stayed as the pigman rebounded off the adjacent one and slammed him in the ribs, the kid only just scrambling away on the resulting momentum.

Despite the condition of his opponent, Techno didn’t let up, and if the previous events of the day hadn’t occurred the way they had, Tubbo might’ve jumped in to stop the fight. Instead, he stood by, watching Wilbur’s reactions more than the carnage itself, as Tommy landed one punch and Techno landed four. Wil’s face was delighted, like a kid on Christmas; Tubbo longed to dispose of this imposter and find the Wilbur that had once protected them, the Wil that would never have let this situation escalate to this point. But he was gone, or at the very least buried as deep as the cavern; he’d made the pit after all. Tubbo wondered what President Wil would do, faced with his brothers clashing like this. Probably stop the fight, pull Tommy out, and scold him, like he used to: ‘Stop picking fights with gods, Tommy.’ Alternatively, he bounded about on the lip of the pit, shouting down “Get it out Tommy!” and “Think of what he did.” He seized Tubbo by the shoulders (which hurt, but he didn’t wince) and shook him enthusiastically while shouting “Think of what he did to Tubbo.” (which turned his stomach over).

---

Taglist: @nixavia @zrenia @spaceheatertrash (Please let me know if you’d like to be on the taglist in future :)

[mosaicofdreamsanddragons]

Slow Fade

For @ninja-knox-ur-sox-off‘s pirate au.

Find on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27570436

It was the customer service that broke him.

That’s what Pigsy told MK when asked how he became the chef on a pirate crew, glaring at Tang who was muffling a laugh. It was a true statement.

But it also wasn’t.

Once, many years ago he’d had his own restaurant. It wasn’t much, just a noodle store by the docks, filled with the everyday bustle of sailors, merchants, and other such people a port town attracted. His customers had barely had the room to sit down on good days. But it had been his.

With the constant stream of ships brought many to his little stand hungry for something unlike the rations they’d lived off of on the sea, he was guaranteed at least a few people coming in even on his worst days. Even on days with low ship traffic, he’d always have at least one person in his store: Tang was a regular to put all regulars to shame, despite somehow never paying for his food.

He’d loved it, every part of it. So of course, it hadn’t lasted.

It had been a good day for customers. He’d actually had a line out the door and seating had been scarce. Tang still got in somehow chattering happily about the newest legend of the Monkey King. Pigsy’d had his hands full making noodles and busing tables as fast as one Pig could when he heard a commotion.

“A bowl of noodles. The best you have,” came a pompous voice. Pigsy glanced up to see a very well dressed man shove his way into the store, completely ignoring the line as he shoved his way into the counter.  

“We have a line,” said Pigsy.

“Excuse me?” the rich boy said. “I’m gracing your store because I’ve been told it’s got the best noodles this backwater island can give me. You should be grateful.”

“Grateful for business,” said Pigsy, “but in this backwater island we have things called lines. I simply do not have the room to seat you even if you were to be served now,” he waved his hand around the packed room. “That’s what a line is for.”

“Easily solved,” said the man. He turned to look directly at the customers seated at the high bar. It vacated. All but Tang. Sitting there calm as you please eating the noodles he always seemed to have but never seemed to pay for.

“Move,” the rich boy said. Tang didn’t even bother to look up from his bowl. The boy tried several more attempts to get Tangs attention, face turning a deeper and deeper shade of red until he’d shoved Tang bodily out of the chair.

Tang’s bowl had splattered all over the floor with a clang.

The boy sat down and turned his attention back towards the kitchen. “No problem,” he said before he realized the man he had been talking to was no longer present.

He didn’t even get a moment to register the location of the chef before Pigsy picked him bodily up and threw him from the shop unto the hard stone streets. The boy had been sputtering and yelling about vengeance before he’d left but not before yelling how Pigsy would regret this. It had been a sight Tang said. But Pigsy paid it no mind. He’d had more important things to deal with, like the rest of his customers. He hadn’t thought that boy a threat.

He’d been wrong.

The rich boy had turned out to be the new governor of the whole island. And apparently had nothing better to do then menace noodle shop owners.

Pigsy didn’t notice the drop in customers immediately. Ships still came and went bringing hungry sailors from far away. It wasn’t until a week later, when there had been no new ships coming in that he realized something.

There had been a lot less regulars.

He’d asked Tang if there was some event going on. Tang dropped his usual chatter about legendary pirates and sighed looking grimly at his reflection in his bowl. “I think they’re scared,” he said. “That boy you threw out? He was the new governor. In the last week he’s already dismissed and even executed people he dislikes. They say he’s cleaning up the rot of this town.”

“I fail to see what that has to do with me,” said Pigsy.

“You threw him out of the shop on his first day,” said Tang looking up to Pigsy, the glare of his glasses hiding his eyes, “Everyone things he’s going to come after you, to make a point about how he and by extension the empire are the power in this town.”

“If he really thinks he’s going to clean the corruption out of this town,” said Pigsy with a shrug. “Then he’s got better things to do beside pick on noodles shop owners.”

But that did not bring back his customers. With every new story about the new governor, he’d gotten less and less regulars. Worse was merchants were now deliberately not selling to him. The more honest ones told him he’d been blacklisted, and they just couldn’t afford drawing the ire of the governor and lose their businesses.

Then word started getting out to the sailors and soon even they weren’t coming to Pigsy’s shop. Tang would go out and try to catch them as they came off, directing them towards the stand but there were only so many he could catch, and soon after arrival those sailors would be greeted by gossip about the governor’s least favorite noodle shop.

Then the governor started banning people from going up to the sailors and solicitating them. He claimed it was a preventative measure against thieves. Tang said it was because he’d seen him win some customers over to Pigsy’s.

The only customer he had now was Tang. And it’s not like Tang had the money to keep the shop in business. Tang tried though, every day he’d come in with some new scheme or trick to pull in more customers but even that failed to fix the reality that was Pigsy’s ledger. With the amount of red in it, there really was only one thing left to do.

He plopped the noodle bowl down in front of Tang. “Eat up,” he said gruffly. “It’s on the house tonight.”

Tang looked up, “Pigsy, you can’t afford that.”

“Can’t afford it anyways,” he said. “I’ve been over the ledger. This is the last night we’ll be able to be open.”

Tang looked down at the bowl of noodles. Then he stood up. “If we’re going under,” he said. “Then we’re going to go under properly, with at least one customer.”

“Tang wait…” he called but it was to late. Tang had already stomped out the door with a determined look on his face.

Pigsy stared back down at the uneaten bowl of noodles. His last bowl, that he’d poured his heart and soul into, abandoned in an empty noodle store.

He should eat it, not let the last piece of his store sit on a counter getting cold. Tang would be out all night looking for customers that would never come and tomorrow they would close the shop. It would be a shame to waste it. This fancy meal he’d made for someone, anyone, else.

Eating it would mean he was truly out of business.

The bell of his shop chimed and Tang practically danced back in, trailed by a furry golden sailor. “Look what I found!” he said smugly. “A customer. One customer for our last night.”

The customer glanced around the room. “Nice place you have here,” he said and then his eyes fell on the bowl of noodles. “Already got my order up? Your service is amazing.”

Pigsy half expected Tang to protest when the customer sat down in his spot and ate the last bowl of noodles but instead he settled down next to him and called for some drinks. He starts to cheerfully regal their customer with tall tales of the legendary pirate captain the Monkey King. And Pigsy realized it had been a long time since he’d heard Tang tell any sort of story not tied to how he’d managed to get them customers today.

The stranger seemed to enjoy the tales almost more than Tang and the atmosphere of the little shop became warmer. Pigsy could almost pretend it was just any other late night before their troubles began.

The bell chimes again, and Pigsy looked up, half expecting another customer and wondering if he’d even have ingredients to make more noodles. But the man in question wasn’t here to eat. He glanced around the store with distain before saying, “Are you the owner of this establishment?”

“Yes,” said Pigsy, “What can I get for you?”

“You have received an invitation by the governor himself to join his kitchen staff,” he held out a paper to Pigsy. “Work begins at dawn.” Then he turned and walked out of the store only stopping at the door to say, “Don’t be late.”

“Promotion!” said the customer before he noticed grim look on Tang’s face.

“Don’t do it,” said Tang turning to face Pigsy. “That man hates you, he’s been trying to get rid of you for half a year!”

“I don’t exactly have much of a choice,” said Pigsy staring down at the empty sink. “I’ve checked around. No local business will hire me, to scared the governor will come after them. Short of getting on a ship, and all the ones that come through here are in his pocket and won’t let me on, this is the only option I have.”

“It’s a trap!” said Tang. “Either he’s going to make your life a living nightmare or he’s going to set you up for something worse!”

Pigsy closed his eyes. “I know,” he said. “But what else can I do?”

“Pigsy…,” began Tang.

“Excuse me,” he said and headed into the backroom. He needed time to confront his impending doom.

The next morning he arrived at the governor’s mansion’s kitchen entrance for work exactly fifteen minutes before dawn.

He was regulated to cleaning duty for a massive ball happening that night. That in itself wasn’t unusual, he was new after all, and it would be unlikely the cook would trust him with anything close to chopping for another year. But that set him on edge. The governor had systematically dismembered his business, his big finale couldn’t be something this normal.

So it didn’t really surprise him when he was bumped up from cleaning to serving for the party by special request of the governor himself.  

And it didn’t surprise him at all when said ball was filled with only the most annoying of party goers, who looked at service workers like they were the dirt beneath their shoes or furniture on the wall.

What did surprise him was Tang. Who had somehow gotten a job as a waiter.

“What are you doing here?’ he hissed at him.

Tang just flashed him a smile. “They were desperate for new help and I figured we’d go down together.” He leaned in and lowered his voice, “There’s one other thing…” He stopped suddenly and pulled himself away. “The governor’s coming. I’ve got to go. Don’t worry I got a plan.”

Pigsy watched his only ally in this world saunter off as the governor approached. He waltzed up with a lady on his arm and seemed content to hang out right next to where Pigsy was serving food and engage in conversation about how powerful he and his empire were and how those who lived here were nothing more than cultureless backwater fools who’d gotten to full of themselves after the last governor had been so lax…

Soon the governor ran out of people to talk to and turned to Pigsy, “Enjoying the new job I so generously provided?”

Pigsy kept his face neutral.

The governor leaned against the table between them. “You know, its polite to thank a new employer but I guess you wouldn’t know what was polite, given your general social awareness. You haven’t even apologized for how we met. Such rudeness. It’s understandable why you lost all your customers.”

Pigsy kept his face neutral.

“You must have relied on sailors for a good while there, as you held out longer than I expected once the townsfolk wised up. Honestly it has been infuriating trying to ruin you and that little friend of yours. But it doesn’t matter now does it? Now you’ve learned your place working for me.” Very slowly he raise his glass and dumped its contents onto Pigsy.

Pigsy kept his face neutral.

The governor smiled and then glanced off examining the now empty glass, until his eyes caught sight of Tang offering drinks to guests. “That little friend of yours, he’s a puzzle. I tried to scare him off but no no no, nothing seemed to faze him. Even offered him money to stop going to your store. And he refused. Something he desperately could not afford given his clothing or his previous lack of employment. How does a man such as him even stay fed anyways? Makes one wonder where the money comes from. Evidence enough for thievery. Men have been hanged for less…”

Pigsy’s neutral face cracked.

He wasn’t sure what he yelled at the man. He was certain it included a lot of very creative descriptors as all the anger that had been building towards this pompous petty child playing governor exited him at once. He shook the party to its very foundation and soon everyone was staring at them.

The governor was lying on the floor beside the upturned table when Pigsy’s head cleared. He seemed scared but he smiled up and Pigsy, “You are going to hang for this.”

Might as well go the full nine yards. Pigsy picked up one of the still full glasses and poured it on the governor.

“Might as well hang together then?” said a voice behind him. He turned to see Tang and the customer from last night, now dressed fancily with a mask, hat, and cutlass…the Monkey King, infamous pirate captain.

Before Pigsy could voice his shock at the situation or interrogate Tang, the Monkey King turned to the crowd. “Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to the robbery tonight. Alas, I must be going as my ship departs on the hour. Do inform the rest of the navy their precious governor will be coming with me and not to fire lest they damage him. Now, I and my associates will be taking our leave.” He nodded to Tang who rushed forward to tie up the governor. Then he turned to Pigsy. “So what do you say? Care to join my crew as the new ships cook?”

Pigsy looked at Tang who was grinning, over to the tied up governor, and then back at the Monkey King. “As I’m currently out of employment at the moment,” he said, “such an offer sounds lovely.” Then he picked the governor up and followed the Monkey King out the hole that hadn’t been there before he’d started yelling.

Tang noticed his confusion and always down to explain something said, “You probably didn’t notice during all the yelling but we made the hole. Oh and we already loaded a ton of loot onto the ship but we have to hurry if we want to escape before the navy gets here. The Monkey King wasn’t originally going to rob the party for anything more than a hostage until he met us. We made this plan last night right after you got the letter…”

Pigsy stared at him, “This was your plan?”

Tang shrugged as they dashed onto a ship. The Monkey king headed over to the steering wheel, while Tang grabbed the ropes for the sails. “Joining the Monkey King’s Pirate Crew!” grinned Tang unable to contain his excitement, “the best plan I’ve ever made!”

“Grabbing the governor was his idea,” said the Monkey King from above.

Pigsy sighed and dropped the governor down onto the side of the boat. “What are we going to do with him once we’ve outrun the navy?”

“Well I was thinking you could come up with that,” said Tang. “He’s been bothering you and all.”

That was why three months later the governor was found seven islands over standing in a line that tracked back throughout the city. When asked how he’d gotten there he’d turned pale and muttered something incoherent about pirates and noodles.

[5lazarus]

My Harry Potter Fanfiction Masterpost

Harry Potter Daydreams Archiving my old Harry Potter headcanons from Tumblr onto AO3. These are not necessarily nice to the characters from canon, and focus what I find interesting–their flaws, and how that could create conflict in their lives.

General Snape Headcanons Archiving my old Harry Potter headcanons from Tumblr onto AO3.

Augury Gang Eileen’s mother curses her, and she dies not too long after giving birth to Severus. Tobias, a millworker and a proud union man, does his best.

Snape in the City Instead of dying, Snape moves to New York. A Severus Snape/Narcissa Malfoy and Severus Snape/Regulus Black story.

An Incident at the Mill the millrat AU A series of vignettes on what could’ve happened if Tobias Snape had been badly injured in an accident at the mill, forcing Severus to drop out of Hogwarts before the Prank. Predominantly Lilycentric. Snily shippers, rejoice: most of the vignettes are from Lily’s point of view, featuring her as flawed, passionate, bullheaded, comfortable in her sexuality, quick to curse and quicker to laugh at herself–and with a complicated relationship to alcohol and the Wizarding World. A big thank you to eleniaz and deathdaydungeon for sparking the initial headcanons that became this series.

Saplings 1980 Albus asks Minerva to tend to the “tender new sapling” of a Potions Master. Minerva looks at the manic-triggered recovered Death Eater and thinks they’re doomed for failure. Snape thinks she’s right. A couple of friendship & mentorship & not-quite hurt/comfort ficlets, where Severus oozes despair and McGonagall fails, completely, utterly, to be of service. There are two pieces of fanart floating around Snapedom, one of Snape oozing, the other a comic eleniaz did years ago. Unfortunately I’ve lost the links.

Harry Potter and the Summer of the Stepfather In an alternate world where Neville Longbottom is the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter’s parents divorce relatively amicably. Eventually, Lily starts dating again, and Harry finds himself actually enjoying the summer Snape stays over.

Last Round at the Hog’s Head Thirty-one ficlets written for the 2020 Snapetober challenge.

Your Body’s a Revolution Eight stories written for the 2020 Trans Snape Week challenge.

July 1977 Snape stews in teenage melodrama, eating lunch at a cheap fish-and-chips shop in Upper Cokeworth, beset by memories of a wasted ex-girlfriend, who couldn’t be Lily Evans–what Bertha Jorkins saw behind the greenhouses, and what came after. Revised from an earlier account, cross-posted from fanfiction.net.

Maleficari’s Mutinous Munitions Sprout grew the wrong kind of mandrakes–mandragora, rather than English mandrakes, and no one knew that there actually was an infinitesimal difference–so Severus needs to save the day before Lockhart can. A little of Slytherin cunning, a willingness to embezzle, and a sense of spite wins the day. Prompted by masaotheheckindog.

Honeydukes Horror Remus Lupin genially humiliates Severus Snape as he attempts to order chocolates. Some schoolboy grudges never get better, and nothing Severus can say will let him seem the better man. Prompted by snapescapades.

Weavers Bored before the start of sixth year, Harry goes through Petunia’s old family photo albums. He demands some answers, and Dumbledore sends Snape. “He finds a photo of her laughing with a boy who is not his father, who’s got his long black hair and a hand thrown up, too, covering his face. She’s about his age in this photo, or a bit older. Carefully he slides it out of the plastic. There’s writing on the back: ‘Weavers, Sev & Lily, 1976. to Baba O’Riley and the rest of our lives!!’ The writing is familiar, spidery, almost indecipherable, and he squints because it reminds him of someone, it’s strangely familiar, and then he drops the photo in shock. Because he knows: that’s Severus Snape.”

They Call This Closure? Severus comes to consciousness into a dream of Potter reenacting his worst memory-and then Lily Evans comes tearing in at age sixteen, rather than as the more mature adult his subconscious normally designs her. They call this closure? Officially dead, officially incomplete: and I call this closure?

Harry Potter and the Cursed Mark Triple-cross! Mitarashi Anko of the Village Hidden in the Leaves joins Severus Snape as one of Dumbledore’s agents, seeking to train the Boy-Who-Lived to understand his mental connection to Lord Voldemort. Snape thinks that they really didn’t need to hire a goddamn technicolor ninja to fill the DADA position, but at least it’s not one of Fudge’s underlings taking charge–wait, he has to put up with her anyway? More seriously, Anko and Severus discover a connection between their cursed marks and the Potter boy’s scar, Dumbledore expedites the plot, and Voldemort weaves an insidious plot, inspired by Lord Orochimaru, to take over the Resistance–from the inside. Incomplete and officially dead.

[amyscascadingtabs]

expecto patronum

Post-The Fugitive. Jake and Amy talk Harry Potter, patronuses, and love.

✨read on ao3  ✨ 

“Hey, babe, I’m home!”

The door makes a distinctive clicking noise behind Jake as he locks it. It’s only one of the many sounds he’s getting used to; his new home is full of them, and they’ve become much more noticeable now that he’s here every day. He’s known his way around this apartment for a long time, but living there, permanently, is different. It’s a good kind of different, though. 

“In here!” Amy shouts from her – from their – bedroom, and Jake hurries to hang up his jacket and bag before going to greet his girlfriend. 

    He’s coming home late tonight. A questioning at work dragged over after a surprise confession, and as exciting as those are, Jake’s bitter over missing dinner and Property Brothers with Amy. He half hadn't expected her to be awake still, but once he was finally free to text her that he was on his way home, she replied straight away to tell him she'd be waiting. Rosa had teased him about how wide he’d been smiling, but Jake hadn’t found it in him to care. 

Amy’s laying on her stomach in bed with a thick book leaned against the pillow, resting her chin against one hand as she reads and holding up the cover with her other. Jake recognizes the book; it’s Prisoner of Azkaban, the third book in the Harry Potter series. He was reading it himself a few weeks ago.

“Ah, Harry Potter. Good choice.”

Amy closes the book against her index finger and looks up at him. “Yeah, you inspired me. How was work?”

“We got a confession,” he grins. “It was dope. Guy just started rambling, pretty much told us his whole life story for some reason, and now we have him. I even got to call the victim’s mom, tell her the news.”

“Sounds like a good day, then.”

“Yeah. Missed seeing you, though.”

“You see me all the time, babe. We live and work together.”

“I know, so it makes me feel even weirder when I don't!”

Amy laughs, letting out that adorable chortling sound he only ever hears when they're alone. Then she looks back to her book, scooching closer to her preferred side of the bed, and Jake takes that as an instruction to change into pajamas so he can join her. 

Any regular night, he would probably have taken time to shower and brush his teeth first, but it's been a long day. He simply undresses instead, smirking as he notices Amy’s subtle side glance when he takes off his shirt. This, these small moments of appreciation between them, is yet another one of the parts he loves most about sharing a life with her – it’s nearly midnight, he’s exhausted and he remembers Amy mentioning starting her period, so sex is almost guaranteed to be off the table – but she still makes him feel attractive, makes him feel confident and wanted. He never realized how much that being an equal exchange meant to him before their relationship.

   “So,” he asks her, “where are you up to in the book, then?”

“Almost finished the whole thing,” she says, looking very proud of herself. “I’m at the time-turner chapter. Harry thinks he saw his dad cast a patronus from the other side of the lake, but then he realizes just saw himself.” 

“Man, that part was so sad.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah!” Jake huffs, crawling underneath the covers. “I just… felt for him, you know? He wishes he could meet his parents, just once, even if he knows it's impossible. He wants this family he never had.”

“It makes you realize how in the end, he's just a kid. A brave kid, but a kid.”

“A kid in desperate need of therapy.”

“Amen,” says Amy, flipping a page. “Hogwarts mental health services do seem to be severely lacking. Did you know the dementors were inspired by the author’s own experiences with depression, by the way?”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Dark creatures with the power to bring out all the worst memories in your head, making you feel like you’ll never be happy again. Like you can’t even remember what it’s like. And the only way to defeat them is to hold onto the very happiest moments of your life and create a shield out of them.”

“Kind of deep for a kid's book,” Jake reflects, and Amy nods. 

“Maybe. But it's not pushed on them, either. It's a way for them to understand, without knowing that they're understanding. I always loved that about the Harry Potter books,” she says, a sudden dreamy look in her eyes. “They're just… intelligent.”

   Jake means to agree with her, but then his body remembers he's been at work for the entire day, and out comes an embarrassingly big yawn that makes Amy laugh. 

“Long day? I can read to you if you want.”

“Dreamgirl,” he mumbles. Amy rolls her eyes, but then she reaches out to pull him closer, her left hand running through his hair as she holds the book with her right, and he can see her smiling.

   Jake's not sure how long she's reading for. He loses track of time, but frankly, he doesn’t mind. Amy's reading voice is low, peaceful enough to relax him but varied enough to entice him at the same time. Her fingers keep brushing through his curls as she reads, tracing soft circles on his scalp. He listens to her read the part where Harry and Hermione fly on Buckbeak to rescue Sirius, and it doesn't matter that he read the book himself just a few weeks ago, because he could listen to her voice forever.

   He gets to do that now, he realizes, because they live together now. It may only have been a week, and not completely without its challenges, but it already feels like one of the best decisions of his life. Even though they were spending almost every night together before as well, there’s something special about coming home and Amy already being there. Not because they’ve made specific plans for her to be, but because that’s the norm, because home is the same place for the two of them now. There’s something intimate about getting to share a routine with her, working out a system for who gets the bathroom when in the morning, adding stuff onto the same grocery list. Even seeing his t-shirts next to hers in the dresser puts a smile on his face in the morning. It feels grown-up, and it feels stable, and it feels right. 

    He wonders sometimes if he could have imagined this the night she knocked on his door to tell him screw light and breezy. Honestly, he probably could have, even if he was too proud to admit it to himself in the beginning. But after a year and a half of dating, of which six excruciating months were spent apart (and hopefully no more will ever be, he thinks), Jake couldn’t care less about pride. He loves Amy Santiago, and he wants to spend all the time he can with her, give her everything and share his life with her for as long as she’ll let him. That, if anything, makes him proud. In any case, it’s like he said that first night undercover as Johnny and Dora – there’s really no one else’s opinion he cares about more than hers. 

    Amy finishes the chapter, reaching for a bookmark before putting the book on her nightstand.

“There,” she laughs. “That’s your goodnight story.”

“Mm, one more chapter.”

“Mm, no. It’s late, babe.”

“I have a question,” he says then, knowing it’ll garner her attention and give him some more treasured quality time before they really have to go to sleep. Amy raises an eyebrow and shakes her head lovingly at him, but then she nods. “Harry’s patronus is a stag, right? Like his dad’s animagus form. And in the fifth book, Hermione has an otter, and Ron some kind of dog.”

“A Jack Russell terrier. Yeah, why?”

“How is your patronus determined? Like… how does it know?”

“It’s supposed to reflect your innermost personality,” she answers, not missing a beat. “It represents something about you that makes you who you are. Something that gives you strength, I would say. So for Harry, that would be the thought of his parents fighting for him.”

“I like that,” Jake says. “A lot of things in that universe are just grossly poetic though, aren't they?”

This makes Amy chuckle. “Very true.”

“What do you think yours would be?”

“Oh. Hmm.” She presses her lips together. “I don't know. What do you think?”

“We could find out,” He grins, reaching for his phone. “I’m sure there's a BuzzFeed quiz.”

      He's right – and although Amy rolls her eyes at him at first, they end up having a laugh at the quiz, picking the options they think best suit the other one and shrugging when the results suggest Amy’s would be a horse, and Jake’s a stag.

“The descriptions are pretty accurate, though,” Amy says, reading from Jake’s phone. “Brave and fearless, and your greatest asset is your ability to love. Sometimes you get a bit hot-headed and impatient –” Jake fake-gasps. “– but your friends are your source of peace, getting you through the good and bad.”

“I still think it should be a ninja turtle,” he mutters. “But yours is true, too. Loyal, smart, underrated badass.”

“It just gave us the same patronuses as Harry and Ginny.” Amy smiles. “They do get together later, so I guess that works.”

“Spoilers! I haven’t gotten to that part yet!”

“Oh, come on, it’s really obvious.” She kisses the pouting grimace off of his face. “Different question. What memory would you use to cast your patronus?”

“I have thought about that,” he confesses, blushing. “It’s a three-way tie. The first time you told me you loved me. That evening when you stood outside my door and told me you wanted to be with me, for reals. Maybe even our first date, after the bet. All of those, together… I think they’d make a damn good patronus.”

“Wow.” Amy almost looks taken aback, like she wasn’t expecting that moment of sincerity. “I’m surprised you didn’t just say the first time we had sex or something.”

“Would you have wanted me to say that? Wait, is that yours? Santiago –”

“Oh my god, obviously not –”

“Obviously? Wow, hurtful, much –”

“Just let me finish!”

“Title of –”

“Stop!” Amy’s shaking with laughter, holding her hand on top of his mouth just for a second. “Stop, stop. What I meant to say was that it’s the same for me. That’s what I’d think of, too.”

“Even the bet? Even though you lost?”

“Yes, babe. Even though I lost.”

“So it wouldn’t be the first time we had sex, then.”

She smirks. “We’ve had better since.”

Then she leans over him, and her lips are on his, insistent but soft at once. His heartbeat’s speeding by the time she pulls away, and it satisfies him to see that her face is a little flushed, too. 

“For the record,” Jake mumbles as she rests her head on his chest after, “this, right here – would also work for a damn good patronus.”

“Oh, yeah. No dementor would stand a chance.”

“Mm. You’re a nerd, but I love you.”

“I love you, too. Goodnight, babe.”

“Goodnight,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around her and allowing himself a brief moment to revel in the feeling that’s started growing in him recently.

Forever, this could be forever.

[grimbeak]

Pt 2/the aftermath of Mistakes. 

Tws for this drabble- attemped suicide (sort of. no one actually gets hurt), discussions of suicide/self-harm attempts (neither suicide or self-harm are directly mentioned, but it’s obvious that that’s what the characters are talking about.), and descriptions of a panic attack/mental breakdown.

let’s continue.

Mistakes- pt 2 

Jay had lost his friends the other ninja somewhere in Ninjago city, dissipating his dragon halfway through the chase and hiding in an alley for a few minutes. 

After he got out of the city, he had flown to Stix- didn’t take too long when you were flying, surprisingly. 

And now he stands in front of Ronin’s shop, wondering if it would be rude to simply phase through the door. 

He looks down at the water slapping against the poles below him.

He could just jump in. 

Jay knocks, eventually, and it takes a few seconds for Ronin to answer. When he does, he’s holding a sword. For some reason. “If you’ve come about the stolen gold, I swear, I didn’t do anyth-” his eyes land on Jay. “Oh.” 

“Yeah. Hi.” Jay fidgets where he’s standing. “I’m assuming you already know about what happened on the island?”

Ronin nods, not setting down his sword, but lowering it. “Mhm. Few tribe members passed through here a couple weeks ago- I managed to drag the story out of ‘em.” 

“Great,” Jay says sarcastically, “so everyone knew what happened before I did.”

“Yeah, I guess- wait, knew?” Ronin narrows his eyes. “So you know.”

“That I went insane and tried to kill my fri- my team? Yes. Yes, I do. That they then killed me? I also know that.” 

“...Good for you,” Ronin says slowly, leaning his sword against a cabinet. The duo stand there in silence for a moment until Ronin sighs, stepping back inside and holding the door open. “It’s gonna rain soon,” he notes, glancing up at the thickening clouds. “You coming in or not?” 

Jay hesitates, looking up at the gray sky. 

It would be so easy to stay out here and just burn. 

The wind whips up around him as he finally steps into Ronin’s shop, the first few droplets of rain darkening the wood.

It’s... less messy than the last time Jay was here, but it’s still full of probably-stolen items. Ronin directs him towards a chair near his desk. “Here. Sit.” Jay obeys, plopping down onto the chair and drawing up his knees to his chest. Ronin wanders over to the door, locking it (probably so the police can’t get in.) before going back over to the counter, where he drags a chair out and sets it a few feet away from Jay’s. “So. What happened?” 

Jay takes a moment to look at an only mildly-broken clock hanging in the corner of Ronin’s shop. It took him about three hours to get here, considering he had to walk through most of Ninjago City. “I,” he starts, “overheard some... things. On purpose.” 

“Ah. Eavesdropping.” Ronin gives him an approving nod. “Well done.”  

Jay looks at him.

“Sorry. Go on.” 

So Jay tells him.

The Aeroblades are in the left corner of the room, around ten feet away from where he’s sitting. They’re lying on the second self from the floor. 

“Well,” Ronin says eventually, “that sucks.” He eyes Jay warily. “So why’d you come here, anyway? Seems kind of a weird place to run away to.” 

Jay shrugs. “Seemed like a good idea,” he lies. “They won’t... the others won’t think to look for me here. With all the water and all. I just need some time to think, anyway.”

Ronin eyes the singular window in his shop, looking at the rain pouring down onto the docks. “Well, you have plenty of that. And, if you want, I can just tell them you’re not if here if you come by.”

“You’d... you’d do that for me?”

“I mean I’m stuck with you until the rain lets, which, in this place, can take hours. Maybe even a day, if we’re lucky.” His tone is sarcastic, and Jay offers a weak smile. “‘course you can stay here, kid. Just don’t touch anything.” 

“...Thanks,” Jay whispers eventually, turning to stare out the window. 

Idly, he wonders if the rain would be so kind as to redirect itself through a hole in the roof and spray directly onto him.

The rain, being inanimate, doesn’t reply, and instead keeps doing what rain does best: falling. 

***

Ronin knows the kid didn’t just come out here to hide out. He could’ve done that anywhere- the mountains, someone’s house (he can turn invisible, right?), or even a crappy store somewhere in Ninjago City. 

But no.

He chose Stix. Specifically, Ronin’s shop in Stix.

And Ronin thinks he knows why. 

Jay is... definitely not in the right state of mind at the moment. And for a good reason- your friends indirectly telling you that they were forced to kill you in self-defense after you tried to kill them and raze your home has gotta mess you up. 

Ronin locked the door to his shop so Jay wouldn’t go outside to purposefully disintegrate himself (now that he thinks about it, the blue ghost can go through walls.... still, he tried). 

But Ronin has other items in his shop. Some of which, unfortunately, are used for taking out ghosts.

Which is why he’s not at all surprised to see Jay holding an Aeroblade as Ronin comes out from the back room. 

“Jay, put it down.” The blue ninja jumps, nearly dropping the weapon as it starts to phase through his fingers. He catches it, though, being careful not to touch the sharp bits. He turns, and Ronin can see his eyes.

Wide and wild.

Scared.

This isn’t going to be easy, is it.

“Jay, please put the Aeroblade down.” Ronin’s voice is calm, despite himself, and some part of him wonders why. 

“I don’t-” Jay’s voice is shaky and unstable, and Ronin mentally prepares himself for the worst in a few minutes. “I could just- I could-” His hands are shaking too, Ronin realizes. 

“You had a chance a few hours ago,” Ronin says slowly, “over the water. And even now it’s still raining. You can phase through walls, can’t you? So why this? Why now.”

“I- I’m-” Jay hesitates, for a second, breath still coming out in short, tiny little gasps. “It’s- I don’t- I don’t want to hurt them.” 

The other ninja. 

He’s scared that he’ll lose it again and try to hurt them.

“Well,” Ronin starts, “the first thing you did after finding out what you did was run here, right?” Jay nods, warily, and Ronin continues. “If you were going to hurt them, then wouldn’t you have done it back at the temple? You ran here to protect them from you. Or,” he adds after seeing Jay’s hesitate expression, “you came here to protect yourself from them.”  

“It was- I- it was both, I-I think,” Jay manages, breath calming slightly. His grip on the Aeroblade is still tight, though, and if his fingers weren’t a shade of green and see-through, Ronin thinks they would be white from squeezing the weapon so tightly. “I don’t- they killed me.” 

“I know,” Ronin whispers, stepping closer. Jay lets him, although he does pull the Aeroblade slightly closer to his chest- the spikes are pointing at various walls, though, not at the ghost boy, so that’s good for now. “I know they did, and they shouldn’t have, even if you tried to hurt them. They should’ve tried to contain you, not kill you.”

“I hurt them, too.” 

“It wasn’t your fault- you weren’t thinking straight.” Ronin hesitates, for a moment, thinking. “Didn’t the tribe pull some voodoo stuff on you? That would’ve messed anyone up, even me.”  

“Yeah,” Jay whispers, “messed up my head. But- but they had a lot to work with, I mean- the feelings that my team didn’t- doesn’t care about me, the feelings that I was abandoned by my parents, my real parents... I had those already. ‘s not like they put those thoughts in my head when they were messing with it.” 

“That’s still OK. Kid, from what I’ve seen, your friends treat you like crap. Even if they’ve been trying to make up for it, that still doesn’t excuse their actions. Doesn’t mean you didn’t do anything wrong, though. But you weren’t in control of yourself for most of it, and... ‘sides. Power corrupts even the best of people unless it’s handled carefully.” 

“Yeah.” Jay looks at the Aeroblade in his hands. “...Zane was being controlled in the Never-Realm, once. Evil staff. Evil henchperson. He froze a lot of people.”

“Ooookkkk.” Ronin’s gonna have to ask exactly why the heck these kids haven’t gotten therapy yet. “So, you and him have something in common, then. You’ve both been controlled by forces you couldn’t stop. Maybe you should try talking to him about it. When you’re ready, of course,” Ronin adds quickly. “I don’t think the rest of your guys have the brain cells to come looking here.” 

Jay doesn’t respond, but he does allow Ronin to step closer. Ronin reaches for the Aeroblade. Jay hesitates, drawing it worryingly closer to his chest, but eventually lets the other man take it, setting it down on a table beside him. 

Ronin takes a moment to look into the kid’s eyes, which are suddenly welling up with tears and oh there’s a child in his arms, isn’t that weird.

(He remembers why he was so calm, now. He’s done this before.

Maybe this time, the kid will live.) 

Jay’s arms are tight around him, and Ronin freezes before letting him bury himself in Ronin’s coat, muffled sobs cutting through the soft pitter-patter of rain outside. 

Do tears burn ghosts?

Maybe, but Ronin’s not entirely sure that Jay wants it to stop. 

Jay’s obviously not concentrating hard enough for Ronin to be able to touch him at the moment, so he settles for awkwardly patting the kid’s shoulder while trying to stop his hand from going through his body.

Maybe... maybe this time, things’ll be OK.

***

It’s nearly four A.M before the ninja come knocking on Ronin’s door.

Jay’s been asleep for almost six hours now, passed out on the couch in the back room. Ronin’s not sure how much longer he’ll sleep, but hey, at least he’s not having any nightmares.

Ronin, however, has been awake for nearly twenty-four hours now, and he wants to gouge his eyes out. Even thieves need a good nights rest. 

(He doesn’t want to admit that he’s staying awake in case Jay has another breakdown. Ronin just can’t sleep because of the rain. The rain that’s been lightly sprinkling for about an hour now. The rain that no one can hear from inside. That rain.) 

The rest of the ninja, presumably, are standing outside the door, exhausted and soaking wet. 

Ronin opens the door.

The rest of the ninja are standing outside the door, exhausted and soaking wet. 

“Hello,” Ronin says.

Kai, who has apparently no idea what manners are, asks immediately, “Is Jay here?” 

Ronin narrows his eyes, pulling the door slightly closed. “And what are you going to do if he is?”

Kai opens his mouth and gets nudged by Zane, who gives him a stern look like ‘remember what we talked about’. Kai, re-opening his mouth after a moment, says awkwardly, “We’re just going to talk to him. About... how we should have told him what happened on the island. And we’re gonna apologize, for, uh, killing him.” 

Ronin considers this, and eventually the door open the rest of the way. “It might be a while before you can apologize,” he says, and adds upon seeing Kai’s confused face, “don’t wake him up.” 

He leads them into the back room, where Cole immediately, for no reason other than seeing Jay asleep on the couch, goes ‘awwwww’. He is instantly shushed by Zane. Nya, however, studies her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend? Ronin’s not invested in all these relationships.) before going; “Is he using your coat as a blanket?”

Ronin, clearly not wearing his coat, glares at her. “No.” 

Lloyd studies the sleeping ghost for a moment. Finally, he says, “How long has he been here?” 

Ronin bites his lip, beginning to herd the team out the doorway so Jay doesn’t wake up. “Around... half a day now. Since yesterday, at least.” 

Kai thinks about this for a moment, like he always does when he has to think about things that are ridiculously easy to understand. “And what was he doing here, exactly?”

They’re all back in the main shop area, now, and instead of answering directly, Ronin walks over to the table and the shelf and hands Kai the two Aeroblades that remain in the shop. “I think you should take these.” 

Kai takes one as Cole takes the other, the fire ninja looking up in confusion. “What, is Jay gonna hurt us- did you hurt him?” 

“I didn’t.” 

“Then who-” Kai trails off as he thinks for a moment. His eyes widen. “Oh,” he whispers. “Did he- I mean, was he...”

“He tried to,” Ronin says simply. “He wanted to. I talked him out of it, though.”

“God,” Kai whispers, staring in horror at the weapon in his hand. “Thanks.” 

“There’s another thing I wanted you to talk about.” Ronin pulls out the chair Jay was sitting on earlier and sits down. The ninja have nowhere to sit. Ronin doesn’t care. “I have... a house. Up in the mountains.”

Cole narrows his eyes. “Is it your house or someone else’s house.”

“...You don’t need to know the answer to that right now. Anyway, even if Jay wants to talk to you guys, I doubt he’ll want to live with you for a while until he gets his head on straight. So, he can come to the mountains with me for a while- I need to stock up on some rare items only found up there, anyway. Plus, we’ll be away from all the... water.” 

“Isn’t snow made of water?”

Ronin looks at Cole. “Did snow affect you when you were a ghost?” Cole hesitates, then shakes his head. “That’s what I thought.” 

“Wait,” Kai interrupts, “Jay has parents. Can’t he stay with them instead of some thief in the mountains for a few months?”

“Have you told them about his situation?”

Kai hesitates. “We told them he was dead.” He goes quiet. “We, uh, forgot to tell them he was back as a ghost. I think he just assumed we told them at some point.” 

...This kids are all idiots. “You’re all idiots. Jay can stay with them if he wants to, of course. Just a suggestion since you guys won’t know where we live and won’t come to bother us every two days.” 

“Oh.” Kai considers this. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Ronin stands up (and pretends not to notice Cole immediately stealing his seat), sighing. “You guys can either come back in a few hours or sleep on the floor, I don’t care.” And with that, he walks off to the back room where Jay’s still fast asleep.

(Later, after they come back, the ninja will find him asleep on the opposite side of the couch. He’s sitting up fast asleep, sword having fallen to the floor a while ago.

He looks peaceful.

And Jay does too.) 

[unioncolours]

Yamanaka Week Day 6: Fanfiction 💗🌺

@yamanaka-week Day 6, prompt: espionage

Fanfiction: The best spy there ever was.

Length: 1,5k

Genre: Fluff and cute

⚔ My AO3 username is Majsasaurus  

Read below ⬇💜

The best spy there ever was

Shikadai crossed his arms over his stomach and stared at Inojin with an grimace of irritation smacked on his face.

“You are stupid”, he said, face scrunching together in a way he only did when he was turning more and more angry.

Inojin stared back at him with a little wrinkle between his brows.

“No, I’m not”, he retorted. “You are just scared we’ll get caught.”

The two boys were crouching behind the corner of the house of the Yamanaka residence. They were at the backside of the house, in the protection among shadows and bushes, the part of the garden Ino referred as ‘the hopeless part’. The hopeless part of the garden was filled with nettles and weed, ready to be ripped out of the soil, but neither Ino nor Sai had had time for gardening that part of their garden. They liked to put their focus on the front yard, on the rose bushes and myriad of colourful flowers that needed their care and attention, instead of the weed and shadowy part.

It was the perfect hiding place for two six-year-old spies.

Or ‘spies’. This title was exactly the root of the disagreement between the boys.

“Your Mom is a psychic ninja”, Shikadai said, intending to serve waterproof arguments. “She will catch us immediately. And it’s not fun to play if we can’t win.”

Inojin puffed out his cheeks.

“You are the worst spy I’ve ever seen”, he said, poking a needle in Shikadai’s ego. “And you fail as a shinobi. Shinobi do not give up.”

“I don’t fail”, Shikadai said.

“Then prove it”, Inojin shot back and the wrinkle between his eyebrows had grew in size, because now he was irritated at his friend for not sharing his ambitious plan. Who cared if ‘Mom was a psychic ninja’, when he was the best spy there ever was and could well sneak up behind her?

“Okay”, Shikadai said, took a step forward and a stringy leaf of a nettle stroked by his exposed calf. He winced at the sudden pain and seemed to grow more insecure at the reminder he was not as big and powerful as he maybe wanted to think. “But only up until nap time, okay? I’m tired.”

Inojin smiled at him, knowing that ‘I’m tired’ was Shikadai’s way of saying he was unsure what to do.

“Follow me”, Inojin said, bent down on all four, and began crawling around the corner, towards the front part of the garden. The unaware parents, who were having a nice time taking care of the flowers, were blissfully unaware two dangerous spies made their way towards them.

  -

 Sai and Ino had just finished plucking away the bad leaves and dried out branches of some of their parade bushes by the road, the first thing visitors see when they curve down the road past the flower shop and see the house the family lived in. These bushes had beautiful roses; blue to their colour, Ino’s pride after cultivating generations of bushes, slowly getting the petals into a beautiful blue shade from the white she had started from.

Sai meant the colour is the same as Ino’s eyes, Ino claimed they are more like Inojin’s eyes, which are a shade greener than her own.

They looked over their craft, fingers a bit sore after thorns had penetrated through the gardening gloves and poked their skins, but they felt satisfied by the result.

And they were not deaf either. Inojin was still unaware to which degree his voice could rise when he was in a disagreement, and disagreements with Shikadai were never settled with low voices.

The two spies made their way over cobble stone placed into grass, through bushes and heaps of flowers and a around a little man-made pond. Ino’s mother had made that pond together with Inoichi years and years back. Inojin liked to complain over the lack of koi fish in the pond, but Ino took his complaints with grain of salt, since Inojin wasn’t just appreciating the frogs which lived there.

“Let’s go behind this bush”, Inojin suggested and pointed towards the bush closest to his parents.

“No way!” Shikadai disagreed, mouth in frown. “We need to attack from multiple different angles.”

“But we are only two”, Inojin said and shoved two fingers close to Shikadai’s face. “We strike were we are strongest – together!”

“We would need Chocho, that’s when we are strongest”, Shikadai complained, thinking about the gymnastics they were training together. Since they were still so small and largely were unable to exploit chakra, they practised gymnastics to better their skills in motoric, coordination and strength. But Inojin wasn’t listening to his whining today and grabbed Shikadai’s arm, manhandling him closer to the bush of Inojin’s choice.

“No”, Inojin said. “We are strong on our own. Let’s find out what they are talking about.”

Sai turned to look at Ino when the boys came closer.

“What are we going to talk about?”

Ino smirked.

“Let’s talk about the medicine we are going to give Inojin.” There was no medicine in question. Ino was just going to tease her son. They were well aware of where the boys were, and they were not particularly had to spot either. Shikadai’s fluffy, black ponytail was sticking up above the top part of the bush – he had to be sitting on his knees, while Inojin’s feet were visible from the side, probably sitting on his bum, leaning against one of his hands.

“Let’s spy on them”, Inojin said again and the boys fell silent, listening eagerly.

“Well, Sai”, Ino said loudly, almost as in overacting. “When Inojin is done playing with Shikadai we’ll give him his medicine.”

Sai stared at Ino, eyes begging her to please do not make me play in an act, I don’t know how and Ino took his hand.

“He was coughing this morning, wasn’t he?” Ino asked. “Then it’s best to give him his cough medicine, you know, the one that tastes really bad.”

Inojin stared at Shikadai, who stared back in mutual mortification. Medicine time. The worst nightmare of a six-year-old.

“Oh no”, Shikadai whispered.

“I don’t wanna”, Inojin whined back.

“Let’s not give away our position”, Shikadai said when Inojin raised his voice.

“But I don’t wanna take medicine, it was a single cough because I got dust in my nose”, Inojin said.

“That was a sneeze.”

“You don’t understand!” Inojin yelled back. “They’ll give me medicine!”

Ino and Sai stood on the other side of the bush, snickering a bit to their son’s panic. He had grown up sheltered in cotton, protected from the dangers of the outer world, their little sunshine boy, so a once in a while scare would only do him good.

“Inojin”, Ino finally said. “I know you are there. You can come out. We won’t give you medicine. Mommy and Daddy were just teasing you.”

Inojin sprang to his feet and stumbled around the bush into his mother’s arms.

“Moo-o-om”, he whined against her stomach as his big crocodile tears fell down his cheek. “I don’t wanna take medicine.”

“Oh, by little boy, you don’t have to, Mommy just teased you”, Ino said. “We heard you were a spy, so we gave you a little lead to listen to.”

“And we were the worst spies ever!” Shikadai added, peeking out from the bush. “Next time we need to do my tactic.”

“You always want us to do your tactic”, Inojin muttered against Ino’s hip.

Ino smiled to him.

“Come on, little one”, she said. “It’s okay, you don’t have to take medicine.”

“It was dusty”, Inojin pouted. “I coughed because it was dusty.”

Ino looked over at Sai.

“Sounds like a good reason to vacuum, doesn’t it, darling?” she asked and raised her eyebrows in a meaningful way. “Right?”

“Yes, yes”, Sai said in defeat. “Inojin, go back and play now. You were a fantastic spy. Soon enough you can be a shinobi too, and then you’ll be the best spy there ever is.”

Inojin looked at him with big, blue eyes.

“Really?”

“Really”, Sai said. “I am sure you will surpass us both when you are big and strong.”

Inojin almost blushed.

Ino and Sai went back inside, to vacuum clean and to begin prepping for lunch. Shikadai was going to stay at theirs for the whole evening, so they had a second child to entertain for the evening. Entertaining Shikadai was never an issue, so they didn’t fret and happily left the two boys in the garden.

“They were fooling us”, Shikadai said.

“I know”, Inojin said. His tears from the abrupt emotional tantrum at the fear of getting medicine had tried in an instant, just as the tantrum had faded away. “What should we do now?”

Shikadai mulled for a while.

“Continue spying?”

“Yes!”

The two boys hurried inside, not having learned their mistakes.

There was a dinner to supervise and parents to stalk. And who knew, maybe they would get to learn actual secrets this time?

Little did they know of the future far off beyond the horizon, when they would spy in dangerous temples, when they would slay enemies and lose faith in the world as chaos and war would reign around them. Little did they know.

And now, there was no time to think of such times.

Now they were the greatest spies there ever were.

[myluciferiscody]

i loved you first. p.1

pairing: Xavier Plympton x Reader

word count: 2,205

warnings: au! in present time, language, but okay can you imagine (not dead) Xavier THRIVING in 2020

not entirely proof-read. *title inspired by joan’s song*

part 1 | part 2 |  part 3 | part 4 | epilogue

1.

When you met Xavier Plympton, your relationship had been strictly platonic. You expected it to remain that way, despite the fact he was funny, empathetic, good looking, and at times, a little dumb, endearingly so.

So when you started to fall for him, you continually brushed it off.

Oh, it's just a phase, you'd think to yourself as Xavier sheepishly wiped down the kitchen after using the Ninja blender and not securing the lid tightly enough. Or the time he and his friend, Chet, spent hours in your cramped living room arguing because they couldn't figure out how to set up the Roku Xavier bought instead of paying for cable. You watched in amusement, sipping your smoothie, wrapped in your blanket until they finally figured it out.

The little things Xavier would do for you also did not help. He'd make your coffee in the morning, or make dinner on nights you'd run late or grab food on the way home, ready to pig out and watch Netflix. The little things you never thought would make you fall for someone, did. 

When your first anniversary of living together passed, Xavier bought a box of Capri-Suns and put some balloons in the living room when you arrived home from work. Your feet were aching, and you were ready to take a hot shower and curl up in bed. Xavier's infectious smile made you forget all of the seemingly endless bad things that had happened to you that day. 

Still, you continued to hide your true feelings. Xavier never indicated he felt the same for you, and you were afraid of getting in too deep just to become disappointed. 

It was like watching a Hallmark movie enfold in front of you when your best friends, Montana and Brooke soon realized you had feelings for him. 

"You should tell him, y/n," Brooke said, her eyes bright, she was quite the romantic. 

"Yeah, it's unfortunate watching you pine over him," Montana said, shrugging at you when you glared at her. "What? All I'm saying is that it's sad, and you deserve to be happy," she said. Brooke nodded in agreement. 

"And if he doesn't like me back? I might lose him for good," you said, pushing that wicked thought away as fast as it came. "I don't want to lose him."

Brooke and Montana shared a look before changing the subject. You still caught the glimpses they threw you throughout the evening.

That was last weekend, and now that Friday was slowly approaching, you anxiously watched as the clock ticked to the time your shift ended. Xavier wanted everybody to go out and have a good time tonight, and he claimed he was bringing along a "special guest." You immediately assumed it was Brooke's boyfriend, Ray, who was away for work and was supposed to be home a day early to surprise her. 

You were... kind of correct.

Ray was there, but so was another woman.

Who Xavier introduced as his girlfriend. 

The initial shock at his words quickly manifested on your face. It was more horrifying when not only Brooke and Montana looked at you, but Chet and Ray as well. You hid your face with your hair as Xavier proudly introduced his friends to the redhead who was clinging to his waist. 

"-and my roommate, y/n," he gestured to you with a grin.

You slowly waved at her, ignoring the sinking feeling in your belly as she slowly sized you up and down before smiling and waving back. For a quick second, you felt judged. Until you realized you had also checked her out for the simple fact of wondering what she had that you didn't. 

"Guys, this is Chloe," Xavier grinned down at her, before pressing a kiss to her head. 

"How long have you two been together?" Ray asked, throwing his arm around Brooke, who slid her eyes from yours. 

"About a month, huh babe?" Chloe smiled. 

Your mouth dropped open, looking at the couple in front of you as if they grew two heads. You lived with him, and Xavier never told you about her?  

How could you not know?

You continued to remain silent as everybody congratulated Xavier on his newfound romance. A part of you was angry; Xavier was one of your closest friends, you told him everything, and he did the same. For the most part.  

Had she been to your apartment? When you weren't home? When you were asleep? 

You were also angry that you seemed to miss all the signs. Plus, your heart had just been shattered into a million pieces, and the night had barely begun. 

Xavier followed the boys to the bar, promising to pay for the first round. Chloe stayed behind, sitting down in the booth with a sigh. Montana took your hand, giving you a reassuring smile as your eyes blinked back tears. 

"Aww, are you two dating?" Chloe asked, her eyes trained on your hands. You could hear her excitement. "I've always wanted lesbian friends!"

Montana smirked, squeezing you tighter. You gave her an alarmed look, but like always, Montana came through. "Only for this one, babe," she said. "Plus, we kind of only just met you, so."

You released Montana's hand, excusing yourself to go to the bathroom while Chloe started taking selfies for her Snapchat. Brooke went to find the boys as you walked to the nearest safe haven, keeping your head down. 

You didn't realize that Montana had followed you until you went to lock the door. She gave you a sad smile as she let it click shut, before locking it. For a bathroom at a bar, it was nicely cleaned and smelt like peppermint. 

"I didn't know if you wanted to be alone..." she whispered. 

"N-No, it's fine," you said, ripping out some paper towels to dry your eyes with. "I appreciate the company."

"If I had known, I would have told you about her, Xavier kept her from me too." 

"I just feel so stupid," you sniffled, turning on the water to wipe your eyes with. "To think Xavier would remain single forever until I grew a pair to tell him." 

"It's not your fault!" Montana interjected. 

You nodded to appease her, but deep down, you were still thinking of the redhead in the other room who was dating the person you loved most.

The night went with you sitting in the booth, watching all your friends dance and grind on each other. 

Brooke had an early shift the next day and eventually joined you, swearing off alcohol for the rest of the night. She wrapped her arm around your shoulder, causing you to tear up a little. 

Chloe seemed friendly, and you hated that. You wanted to find an excuse to hate everything about her, but it was almost impossible. She had tried talking to you about Xavier, but he pulled her up and away, and you had to stare at the table, so you didn't see them practically fucking through their clothes. 

It was the worst when your closest friends didn't seem to notice something was up. Or they pretended not too. The boys were clueless, and you probably needed to be thankful for that. Chet wasn't always the best with dealing with "girl problems," and Ray was currently drunk off his ass. Xavier just danced with Chloe and occasionally came back to the table to suck down his drink. 

One AM slowly came around, and you gathered your things, checking your phone to see it was close to dying. 

"I think I'm gonna go home." you leaned over as Brooke looked up from her own. She smiled at you, pulling you into a hug, which you gratefully returned.

 "Text me when you get there!" she said, saying a final goodbye as you slipped out of the booth. You shrugged on your light jacket, dodging the dancing bodies, and made your way to the entrance when an all too familiar hand gripped your arm. 

"Hey! Where are you going, y/n?" Xavier asked, pressing your hand to his chest like he always has. He didn't seem to be drunk yet. "The night's still young, babe!"

You frowned at him, loving his touch, but you pulled your hand from him. "I'm not feeling well, I'm going home!" you called out over the music, refusing to meet his eyes.

"I haven't seen you all night!" he said, a pout on his face. You wanted to throw Chloe into his face, but you knew better. He deserved to hang out with who he wanted. To date, who he wanted.

"Oh, yeah, you've been busy," you said. "I gotta go, Xav," you pulled yourself from his grasp completely before slipping the hood over your head as you walked outside to your car. 

When you got home, you texted your girls like you promised and slipped into the shower. You blared your favorite songs, crying when you needed to and fuming when you didn't. 

You're so naive, thinking Xavier Plympton could love you.

Don't be so harsh, you then scolded yourself. But at the same time, those words hung heavily over your heart until you crawled into bed, falling fast asleep. 

2.

The next few days were somewhat average. You went to work, came home, spent time with Montana or Brooke when Xavier wasn't back at his usual time. 

You hadn't seen or heard anything from Chloe since the night you met her. 

Almost a week after the bar, you were surprised to find Xavier lounged on the couch, wrapped up in blankets. His cheeks were rosy, and he looked tired. Oh no.

Xavier Plympton had a fever every few months, it seemed. You had always been his designated caretaker since you met him. A part of you hoped that some things could still be the same, even with him having a girlfriend.

He smiled at the sight of you until you heard rustling in the kitchen. You set your bag down in your usual spot, "Xavier, is it another fe-,"

"Xavier! Baby, your tea is ready," Chloe chirped as she came in from the kitchen. She didn't glance at you as she walked to Xavier, holding your designated mug in her hands. 

"What kind?" Xavier piped up, sitting up just a bit. You continued winding down, using your ears instead of your eyes.

"Black."

You fought the urge to snicker aloud. Xavier's favorite tea was peppermint, especially when he was sick. You could almost imagine the disgust on his face.

"Oh, thanks, babe," he said lamely. Xavier sat up, gently blowing on the steaming mug in his hands. Chloe sat in the only available chair, watching him with rapt interest. You headed to your room, stripping from your work clothes, not realizing you were rushing just to run back out there. 

You're not going to spy on them!

YES, I AM! You snickered to yourself, slipping on your pajamas before brushing out the tangled knots in your hair. 

Xavier had laid back down when you came out, watching reruns of Judge Judy while Chloe typed on her phone. Her brows were furrowed as she concentrated, and even then, she looked gorgeous. You chewed on your lip as you crawled on the floor towards Xavier, who smiled at you when you sat in front of him.

"Hey," he rasped.

"Hey, you," you pressed a hand to his forehead, instantly feeling the heat radiating from his skin. "When did this start?" 

Xavier shrugged, "I woke up this morning and felt like shit, I've been here all day," 

"Are you monitoring your temperature?" you asked.

"Yes."

"Are you staying, hydrated?"

"Yes."

"Did you wash your sheets?"

Xavier gave you a guilty yet charming smile. "No, I have not."

You laughed a bit, removing your hand from his forehead. "I'll do it for you," you glanced at the teacup on the coffee table, seeing it was barely touched. Chloe didn't seem to be paying you much mind, so you asked him if he'd like more tea. He nodded, almost aggressively as you stood up, promising to make his favorite. 

The rest of the night went like this: Chloe hounded Xavier about a few outfit choices she was debating for an important meeting at her job. You made Xavier some soup, opting to reheat your leftovers from the night before. Xavier drank two cups of peppermint tea, then dozed off, leaving an awkward silence between you and Chloe. She seemed attached to her phone, but you didn't mind. 

You watched television, still sitting in the same spot on the floor as Xavier softly snored in your ear. It wasn't until you were dozing off yourself that Chloe left, pressing a kiss to Xavier's hot forehead before leaving. 

You had changed and washed his bedsheets, but you knew it was pointless trying to move him into bed. When Xavier was sick, he slept like he was dead. You turned off the television and gathered his dirty dishes to place them in the sink. 

No matter what became of you and Xavier, or Xavier and Chloe, you knew some things would just never change. One of them is you would always care for Xavier, no matter what. 

*if you want to be added to the taglist, you know the drill.*

[lloydskywalkers]

afsdgfdhgj!! thank you sm, i’m so happy to hear that :’D that is...something i do very much need to work on actually, i’ve been trying to kick the talking-self-down habit for a while now, it’s just!! it’s tough, guys.

on a lighter note, i know exactly what trope you’re talking about and i’m an unapologetic sucker for it afdsgfdh. unfortunately this probably isn’t exactly what you’re looking for, but i got bit by the idea and it wouldn’t let me go, so here’s a somewhat-short (somewhat) fic about it!

Sometimes, the ninja forget they’re technically, kind-of-sort-of, famous. Like, not all the time, because some people are creepy and won’t leave them well enough alone, and some people are just…really enthusiastic…but for the most part, it is easy to forget sometimes, because out of gi they look pretty normal.

(Until Lloyd’s eyes start shuffling through colors like a sporadic traffic light, of course, but that doesn’t happen as much now.)

The point is, sometimes it’s easy to forget that they’re famous.

Sometimes, though — when movie posters the size of the Bounty are plastered all over the city because some wise guy thought making a film about them would be a great idea — it’s harder to forget.

“This feels like an invasion of privacy,” Cole mutters, crossing his arms as he sinks deeper into the theater seat.

“Oh, yeah,” Nya says. “Because trading cards and entire news documentaries with our full names and intimate dating life details were one thing, but a loosely-based movie is where we draw the line.”

“Intimate dating life my foot,” Lloyd scowls, clearly far from getting over that one article that managed to snag a picture of him and Harumi before…everything.

“Well — yeah, fair, but like—” Cole sputters. “They hired actors to play us. They’re gonna be recreating our lives and it’s — it’s weird, okay?”

“I dunno, I think it’s pretty cool,” Kai says, already on his third mouthful of popcorn, and the trailers have’t even started yet. “I mean, it can’t be worse than that play they put on, right?”

“Don’t jinx it,” Zane mutters darkly, his eyes flashing at the reminder.

“I’m with Kai,” Jay says, bouncing in his seat as he reaches for the popcorn. “I think it’s cool that people care enough about us to make a movie, you know? Like, did you see the budget for this thing?”

“Was it as high as the repair cost for the tower we blew up last week?” Lloyd says.

“Uh…maybe. I didn’t compare, exactly. But look, you can’t put a price on lives. A little collateral damage is worth it.”

“A little?” Zane says, his eyebrows shooting up.

“Eh, we helped clean it up,” Nya shrugs. “That counts.”

Jay points at her. “Thank you.”

“Still say it wasn’t my fault,” Kai grumbles, crossing his arms. Lloyd pokes him in the ribs, and Kai yelps, flinching away from him. “Not cool, not cool!”

“We’re definitely not going to make it through this movie without getting thrown out,” Cole groans into his hands. They’re already getting looks from the movie-goers around them, and their patience doesn’t look like it’s going to last very long.

“C’mon, have a little optimism,” Jay placates. “This is gonna be fun— hey, that’s my popcorn!”

“No way, lightning brain, I bought it, I hold it.”

“But you bought it with Nya’s money.”

“Which she stole from Lloyd’s sock drawer this morning, so that doesn’t count.”

“Wait, you stole my sock money?”

“Um…call it payback for stealing the last of the cookies last week.”

“How is that a fair trade, I only took one!”

“Yeah, one dozen—”

“Guys, please—”

“You’re one to talk, you stole all the—”

“Would you all shut up, it’s starting, and — I said shut up!”

******************

It takes a few threats of murder, and one or two threats of open power-use to the face, but they quiet down in time for the opening credits.

The movie begins peacefully enough, with an older man telling some ‘punk little kid’ as Kai describes him, a whole lot of ‘stereotypical sensei mumbo jumbo’ as Lloyd describes it, about himself. Which, to be fair, is pretty accurate to their lives, so they’re able to quietly munch on popcorn for the first few minutes, at least.

But then the plot starts.

“What do they mean, ‘uh oh’, to Lloyd Garmadon?” Kai frowns. “The city loves you.”

Lloyd shrugs, tossing a mouthful of popcorn back. “I dunno,” he says. “I mean, it is tough to be that kid.”

“Yeah, ‘cause he’s the worst shortie ever, like four feet tall,” Nya whispers to him. Lloyd elbows her in the side. Zane shushes them, just in time for the actual movie Lloyd to show up on the screen, in bed and receiving a call from—

Lloyd doubles over, choking on his popcorn.

“Luh-Lloyd?” Kai says, in delight. “Luh-Lloyd?!”

“Pajamas,” Lloyd wheezes, as Nya thumps his back. “Look at his pajamas, I gotta buy my dad those—”

The others are left to giggle their way through the interpretation of one of their greatest enemies snacking on cereal in printed pajamas, telling Lloyd he ‘must’ve butt-dialed him’. It’s hysterical until Garmadon forgets Lloyd’s birthday, and the Lloyd onscreen gets the signature Sad Puppy Eyes Lloyd Look on his face — which, props to the actor, he nailed it — and everyone looks to Lloyd in sympathy.

“That’s rough, buddy,” Jay pats his shoulder. Lloyd rolls his eyes.

“It’s not me,” he says, shrugging again. Really, his dad forgetting his birthday is like, incredibly tame, compared to hurling him through a prison wall or six.

Now, forgetting he existed, that stings. But also, like, this isn’t his dad, so. Eh. He doesn’t really care.

“Is that supposed to be Misako?”

Never mind. He cares now.

“Are you—” Kai plasters a hand over his mouth, muffling this next part. “—kidding me?!”

“Oh, she’s, uh…really present, huh,” Cole winces, as ‘Koko’ encourages her son about being himself, and other really nice stuff Lloyd would have super appreciated hearing when he was younger.

He opens his mouth again, and Nya takes the opportunity to stuff more popcorn in it. Lloyd chomps down angrily, glaring at the screen and grumbling under his breath.

“At least you’ve shown up at all,” Jay comforts him. Lloyd is very much not comforted. He just wants to get through the rest of the movie in peace, and shift the focus off of him as quick as possible.

Oh boy, is he disappointed.

Like, he gets a few minutes of relief as the others are introduced, but that’s all, really. Even if it is hilarious.

“Hello, fellow teen.”

Cole makes a sound like a dying balloon, and Jay almost coughs popcorn out of his nose. Zane just presses his lips into a flat line, his expression unreadable. “I do not…know how to feel about this.”

Jay and Kai are doubled-over on each other by now, choking on laughter. Cole, bless him, is doing his absolute best not to burst into giggles, while Nya and Lloyd have given up and are full-out cackling.

“Well,” Zane says, eyeing them with a gleam in his eye. “Perhaps I should start updating my database with ‘teen lingo’ then—”

“No!” they all chorus in unison, waving frantically at Zane, earning several dirty looks from the people around them as they do.

“You’re perfect the way you are, buddy,” Jay says hastily.

Kai, at least, seems pretty steadily in character—

“Aw, look, I almost snapped your spine.”

“That’s a Kai hug, for sure.”

—and Nya’s thrilled about having a motorcycle. Jay’s a tad indignant at his character’s stuttering, but Cole reminds him he has zero room to talk, so Jay shuts up in time for Cole to shrug at his own portrayal.

“I like that shirt,” he remarks. “And those headphones are cool.”

Then the reality of the scene they’re watching sinks in.

“Wait, why are we in school?” Zane blinks, confused.

“Why are they being so mean to you?” Cole exclaims at Lloyd, taken aback.

Lloyd makes a face at the cheerleaders on screen, jerking his shoulder up as if to say ‘like I know’. Which is kind of a lie, because he does know, the movie told them, but he’s not gonna get into that. Kai is already fuming in his seat beside him, growing steadily angrier by the second. “Who do they think they are,” he hisses. “I’ll show them a number one hit.”

Lloyd rips his eyes from the screen, watching Kai in mild alarm. “Kai, you know that’s not actually me, right?”

“—tear those kids a new one—”

Lloyd cringes at the looks they’re getting from the people around them, patting Kai’s arm. “Chill out, Kai, seriously. This is like, basic Darkley’s stuff, don’t worry. And I walked away from that fine.”

Wrong thing to say. Kai swivels on him, his eyes flashing. “Wait. This happened to you at Darkley’s? For real?”

“Um…” Lloyd sweats briefly, the sounds of Boo Lloyd! coming from the screen really not helping at all. “I mean, I was a brat. I brought a lot of it on myself.”

Kai looks like he’s going to combust. “I swear—”

“Kai,” Lloyd interrupts, trying to quell the storm. “It’s fine. Seriously. I mean, there was this one time that four guys way bigger than me ganged up and hung me from a roof by my hoodie all night, but it wasn’t that bad. I’m fine.”

Kai’s face turns thunderous, matching the roar of Garmadon finally coming into view onscreen. “Wasn’t that bad?” he says, incredulous, gaining them several shh’s, mainly from Nya. Kai ignores them. “Point me to those punks, Lloyd, I’ll strangle ‘em—”

“Kai.”

“Wha — oh. Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“That — that was different.”

“Uh-huh.”

“…you — you weren’t there all night.”

“I sure was.”

“Oh.”

“Mm-hm.”

“Um. Sor…rry?”

Fortunately, both are saved by Garmadon smashing his way on screen in a giant shark mech with a full-scale crustacean-themed army, to which the ninja kind of just…stare. That’s — that’s the best they can do with that one. That, and be thankful Garmadon himself isn’t here to see this.

“I mean, to be fair, I can see him appreciating a song entirely about himself,” Kai mutters, as the chorus continues to yell about Garmadon!. “And — wait, Lloyd, are you filming this?”

“Uh, yeah?” Lloyd says, re-adjusting the zoom feature on his phone. “Now hush, I wanna save this and make it my ringtone.”

******************

The mechs are, admittedly, cool. Their total lack of ability to do Spinjitzu, way less so.

“That’s so not how Spinjitzu works,” Nya scoffs, as Sensei Wu finally makes an appearance, just in time for Lloyd to request wind as an element, which brings on another bout of choking.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Lloyd sighs. He then blinks rapidly. “Wait, where are our powers?”

“Nonexistent, apparently,” Zane murmurs. “Along with our common sense.”

“To be fair, that’s never been a reliable thing in the first place,” Jay points out.

The lack of common sense continues to be a trend throughout the movie, and by the time the ‘Ultimate Weapon’ comes up, things start to go downhill rather fast.

“Which, to continue to be fair, is also pretty in-character. This whole fight kinda is.”

The other ninja grumble in agreement as Lloyd runs off to confront his father alone despite all warning, and Lloyd begins to sink lower into his seat. He has a bad feeling he knows exactly where this is going, and sadly, he isn’t disappointed.

Well, for the most part.

“A cat?” Lloyd yelps, his eyes bugging out. “A giant cat?! How is that fair? All I ever get to fight is creepy part-reptile people who want to suck the power out of me, where do I sign up for this?”

“This is surreal,” Zane remarks, as Meowthra tears her merry way across the screen. The whole scene is a disaster, slo-mo destruction and everything, but it’s pretty much the standard fare they’re used to, so they really don’t bat much of an eye as the cat totally wrecks them.

“Nice to know we can’t catch a break in any universe,” Jay sighs sadly, as his mech is torn apart on screen.

“This movie is really beating the ‘don’t-challenge-dad-solo’ message over the head, huh,” Lloyd mutters, chin in his hand, having recovered from his brief bout of extreme-cat-heart-eyes.

Kai gives him a stink-eye. “Yeah, I wonder why.”

Understandably, the Lloyd onscreen is considerably upset at the apparent destruction of all his friends. The ninja are all incredibly curious as to where the movie is going to go next, though, since this Garmadon celebrates his victory by throwing a pretty sick party instead of building a skyscraper-sized stone Colossi of destruction and wrecking half the city.

“Kind of unfair,” Jay scowls, as the henchman do the conga onscreen. Nya’s got a smart comment to make back, but then the Lloyd onscreen reveals himself —

“In typical dramatic-Lloyd fashion, they got that right.”

“Oh, shut up.”

— and then proceeds to snap at the Garmadon onscreen, “I wish you weren’t my father.”

The theater goes remarkably quiet, as do the ninja. Cautiously, they turn to look at Lloyd, who is staring at the screen with a look on his face similar to if you’d shaken up a soda bottle really hard and were about to take the top off. Then—

“Oh, heck yeah, how’s that for karma, you over-powered conceited jerk of a dad,” Lloyd hisses viciously at the screen, punching his fist in the air. “He’s got the right idea, it’s my turn to start disowning family members. Screw ‘you’re not my son’, I’m gonna pull this one out next time and disown him—!”

“Lloyd,” Nya says, a bit nervously. “You know he’s, uh, he’s crying on screen now, right?”

“Yeah,” Lloyd spits.

“You, uh. You know you are too, right?”

“N-no.”

“Therapy,” Cole whispers to Zane. “So much therapy.”

“I’ve already booked us,” Zane murmurs back, sliding his phone back in his pocket. “If the office can simply manage not get blown for one more week this time, we might actually make it."

******************

While they do, however, manage to stay quiet for most of that scene — and isn’t Cole wildly impressed with them for that — the next scene kind of shoots that victory right into tiny little pieces.

“Why are we being so mean to you now?” Cole exclaims, flabbergasted, as the poor Lloyd onscreen looks seconds from tears, the rest of the team staring down at him with firm glares.

“Shh, this is getting dramatic,” Lloyd hushes him.

Nya gets a look on her face that promises murder, and Kai refuses point-blank to be shushed.

“What a bunch of jerks. We’d never do something like that, I’m going to have words with some people—”

“Jamanakai,” Lloyd just says, wearily. “Rooftop. All night.”

Kai deflates, sinking into his seat. “S’not the same,” he mutters, fiercely. “We never said all those mean things to you.”

Lloyd gently pats his arm. “There, there,” he says. “I know you didn’t mean it.”

“I never said it! It’s — it’s that imposter on screen, that’s who!”

“Kai, I know—”

Lloyd is interrupted by an unfortunately-timed declaration from the onscreen Jay.

“Now, we hate you.”

Lloyd blinks, almost surprised at the slight flare of hurt that sparks in his chest at that. Which is stupid, because these directors don’t know them, and that’s not really Jay, but hey, why not play into his worst fears, movie—

Then “Jay!” is hissed in scandalized unison, and Lloyd stuffs said worst fears back into box and tries not to snicker at the look on his brother’s face.

“It’s not me!” Jay defends desperately, waving his hands wildly. “That’s not me!”

“Deleting all data related to treating Lloyd as a friend.”

Jay is saved as everyone turns on Zane, who just buries his face in his hands. “Let it end,” he moans.

******************

Apart from being shocked that Sensei Wu is actually going with his ninja on their quest for the Ultimately Ultimate Weapon—

“It’s ultimate ultimate, did you miss that trip-inducing scene they explained it with?”

—they aren’t as surprised by things anymore after that, having caught on to the movie’s flow. It’s a little more slapstick than they’re used to, all bright colors and quick action, but it’s enjoyable to watch Garmadon and Sensei Wu snipe at each other, at least.

“Ten bucks says he survives just fine,” Cole says blandly, as Sensei Wu goes plummeting toward the river.

Not one of them take him up on that wager.

“Geez, they’re really roasting us for being morons in this, huh,” Jay observes, as their onscreen counterparts take the clearly-a-trap route, as per Garmadon’s advice.

Lloyd, who is still stewing about having his voice made fun of, bites out, “I think it’s pretty valid, for some of us.”

“Oh, suck it up already, Lloyd. Your voice changed anyways, get over it.”

“Are you saying I sounded ridiculous before?”

“Uh, no-o…?”

“Oh, there we go, getting humiliated again,” Nya sighs, as the ninja are cornered by Garmadon’s ex-generals. “I wonder why they didn’t give us our powers. You’d think they’d have capitalized on that, it’d look pretty cool.”

“Who knows. I’m still trying to figure out if my character’s love for music is a clever reference to me and my dad’s singing background, or just a shallow attempt to give me character at all,” Cole muses. They turn back to the movie just in time to wince in unison as the ninja onscreen flee, leaving Lloyd and Garmadon to be captured.

Kai is less than pleased with this development.

“Oh, so we’re just leaving Lloyd behind now? Who wrote this movie, I wanna talk.”

******************

By the time Garmadon’s teaching Lloyd how to throw bricks from a roof to some sappy soundtrack, then relocating his dislocated shoulder in a wild tone change, they’re mostly lost for words.

Also kind of enjoying the movie, though no one will admit it. The expressions are funny, and there are some lines that hit home. Sure, Lloyd spends a good ten minutes alternating between sputtering and gaping when Garmadon describes their family history, and only proceeds to get worse when everyone else receives powers and he gets a cute little tree branch, but it is fun to watch their onscreen counterparts run around to “I’ve Got the Power” playing cheerfully in the background. Plus, no one tries to ostracize Lloyd again, and it’s oddly satisfying to watch Garmadon get eaten by a giant cat, so by the time Lloyd’s trying to hide suspicious sniffling into the empty popcorn tub while his onscreen counterpart is giving Garmadon his big sappy speech about forgiveness, they might actually give the movie a decent rating.

Cole’s just happy they haven’t been thrown out yet, because they’ve really been pushing it this whole time. But finally, it seems like everyone’s settled down and is keeping perfectly quiet—

“What do you mean, he gets to keep the cat?”

Cole’s hopes and dreams go up in sad, despairing smoke.

“Wait, that’s what’s bothering you?” Nya blinks. “Not the whole, ‘this Lloyd gets his entire family back happy’ part, but the cat part?”

“Well yeah, I’m upset about the cat part!” Lloyd exclaims indignantly. “He gets a giant cat! The size of a skyscraper! What kind of raw deal did my grandfather cut me here, I didn’t even get to keep my dragon! This is so dumb, and — and oh look, now my dad’s all happy and stuff—”

Nya and Zane glance around in alarm. The movie-goers around them seem to be losing the last, lingering shreds of their patience, and Cole wisely decides that this might be a nice time to make an exit. The movie looks like it’s about over, anyways, and—

“—and what, they just have happy family dinners together now?!”

Yeah, they’re leaving.

******************

“Well, that was…enlightening,” Zane says blankly, as they exit the theater. He still looks tragically annoyed at the way the producers decided to portray him, but he’s mostly recovered by now. Probably because he torched his little movie poster on the way out, but who are they to judge.

“I think you mean infuriating,” Kai mutters, glaring at the theater as they leave it behind.

“I don’t know, it wasn’t so bad,” Nya says. “Like, they obviously decided to go for Lloyd’s very sensitive personal life as a focus point, so at least the rest of us got off alright.”

“Giant cat,” Lloyd mourns, clearly still more hung-up on that than Ninjago’s apparent obsession with his family drama.

“I just wanna try that lightning thing later,” Jay says. “Know any doors I can practice busting open dramatically?”

“Yeah, the door to the producer’s office,” Kai grumbles.

“Enough, guys,” Cole sighs. “It was a lot better than it could’ve been. Let’s just be happy the city still likes us enough to make us the heroes.”

They all nod at that, placated for now, at least. They fall into silence, carefully navigating their way home, until Jay breaks the quiet.  

“Your heroes on the wa-a-ay,” Jay murmurs. He’s met with five looks of equal disappointment. “What?” he shrugs. “It’s catchy.”

Cole rolls his eyes, and Kai scoffs. They fall back into silence for a beat, their footsteps the only sound on the street, then—

“Something-something save the da-a-ay,” Lloyd hums.

Jay beams, and Kai moans. Nya just grins. “Gonna something-something pla-a-ace—”

“That takes us higher!”

They dissolve into snickers, their mix of off-key singing echoing across the Ninjago City streets. Cole spares a sigh of despair at their attempt, but he can’t help grinning too. It is a catchy song, and, to be fair, for trying to capture their general team spirit, it comes pretty close.

A lot closer than half that movie did, he frowns. Though he does still want that shirt his counterpart wore.

“Hey,” Jay speaks up. “Let’s learn that Garmadon song next. We can sing it to him in battle.”

“Oh, now you’re talking.”

[obsessionsdumpster]

A/N: sooooo idk what this is exactly, I just had an idea and decided to try and write my own fic for once though I’m not sure if it turned out good lol I think it’s a bit too long and I realised I don’t know how to write kissing scenes. Anyway please enjoy and let me know what you think

A Ninja’s Day Off (Kakashi x reader)

(Y/N) stepped into the Hokage’s office, finding Tsunade sitting by her desk, a pile of books and important documents surrounding her.

“Hokage-sama, I’m here to provide you with the mission report”

“Excellent, I’ve already received and deciphered the scroll your team has sent me with all the informations you were able to collect. It seems all went smoothly, good job (Y/N)”

Despite the formalities Tsunade and (Y/N) were rather well-acquainted, being (Y/N) one of the few Hokage’s personal ANBUs meaning that she certainly trusted her. Because of that, Tsunade glanced at the girl standing in front of her and even though she was wearing the ANBU mask, she could clearly see the exhaustion that was radiating from her, hence she spoke: “(Y/N), you’ve been out there constantly completing quest after quest for quite some time now, I know that is due to the high amount of missions the village is currently dealing with, but I can see you’re at your limit, that’s why I’m giving you the permission to take a couple days off in order to rest and recover”.

“Thank you, Tsunade” replied (Y/N) with a smile, and with that, she was off.

When she reached her apartment block, she opened the door and stepped inside. The room was a mess, to say the least: there were dirty clothes scattered all across the floor mixed with random ninja scrolls with all sorts of seals written on them, along with some kunai knives and shurikens all over the apartment. She sighed to herself, realising just how long it had been since she actually stayed in her apartment for more than 10 minutes or so, just enough time to change and pack for yet another mission.

(Y/N) decided that a nice hot shower would help her take away some stress and tiredness, so she headed towards the bathroom, stripped off her clothes and stepped under the hot stream of water that felt so nice on her bare skin.

After she was done, she stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her form, then, feeling her stomach grumble, she decided to head in the kitchen to have a snack.

Unfortunately for her, when she opened the fridge she realised that everything had already expired meaning that she had nothing to eat. Nice, she thought.

That’s when her eyes fell on a small paper bag that was laying on her kitchen table. She reached to it to inspect the content and saw to her delight that inside the bag were three big red apples, her favourite. Besides the apples she saw a small note: ‘figured you wouldn’t have much at home to put in your belly after being away for so long. Enjoy - Kakashi’

(Y/N) couldn’t help but smile widely at the kind gesture. (Y/N) and Kakashi had been best friends for a long time now, having been on the same team during Kakashi’s ANBU days and continued to hang out even after he left and became a sensei. To (Y/N) he was more than just her best friend though, for as time passed she started developing romantic feeling towards the copy ninja but always shrugged off those feelings out of fear of ruining their amazing friendship and because of the fact that a potential relationship would have been a rather difficult thing to handle for two Leaf Jounin such as themselves, their positions implying a dangerous lifestyle that put their lives constantly at risk; it wasn’t a secret that a normal love life wasn’t something that two Jounin of that caliber could aspire to. Truth is, she had been told by some people like Jiraiya (though he didn’t seem very reliable) that Kakashi did in fact return her feelings. It’s not that she considered that to be impossible, she had to admit that sometimes she could feel the chemistry between the two of them, but it was like they both shared some sort of unspoken agreement that kept them from bringing the relationship forward, preferring to stay as best friends. She would say she was fine with that, what she cared about the most was being by Kakashi’s side and she really enjoyed their unique friendship but she couldn’t deny that, sometimes, this situation made her kind of sad. (Y/N) thought that things were going to stay like this forever, but she was wrong.

Chewing on her apple, she started cleaning the apartment, picking up all the clothes from the floor and reorganising and storing all her scrolls. After she was done with that, (Y/N) finally sat on her couch determined to either take a nap or just relax. However she found herself just sitting there staring at the wall, boredom taking over as she started repeatedly tapping her foot on the floor. She was so used to so much action in her life that a simple day off was starting to become more difficult to handle than she could have imagined.

Suddenly an idea popped up in her head: ‘you know what? I’m gonna pay Kakashi a visit. He must be at the training ground right now, training with his team. I’m sure it’ll be fun watching him and team 7, maybe I’ll even be able to help him out, who knows’.

Thinking it would be fun to sneak up on them while they were training, (Y/N) approached the training field making sure to suppress her chakra to avoid being detected. She positioned herself on top of a well hidden branch of tree and, rather amused, observed what Kakashi and his team were doing. It looked like they were learning how to conceal themselves, judging from the fact that Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke were all trying to find a good hiding spot to avoid getting caught by Kakashi.

Naruto managed to find a spot on the same tree as (Y/N) without noticing her. An idea popped to her mind and, with a mischievous grin, she appeared behind the blond’s back:

“Yo, Naruto” she said without a warning.

What came next was a scream and then a thud. Naruto had fallen off the tree and was now lying on the ground, his teammates and sensei approaching him, a puzzled look on their faces.

“W-Wh-What was that?!” said a shocked Naruto, followed by (Y/N) making her appearance jumping off the tree and landing in front of them.

“Hi everyone”

And before anyone could say anything, Naruto started screaming again.

“(Y/N)?!?!? Why would you do that??? I was perfectly hiding from Kakashi-sensei until you came and revealed my presence to everyone!!”

“Your ability to conceal yourself from other ninjas is the worst Naruto, it was obvious you were hiding on that tree” said Kakashi before giving (Y/N) his signature one-eyed smile “anyway, (Y/N) you’re back already, what are you doing here?”

“Well it’s my day off, so I though I would pay you a visit you know, to thank you for the apples and to see what you and team 7 where up to” she replied a bit embarrassed, realising she just admitted she wanted to see him on her day off.

“It wasn’t a big deal, really, I just figured you would like them” he said with a smile, scratching the back of his neck, which, (Y/N) thought, was kinda cute. “But since you’re here” he continued “would you mind giving us a hand? After all, ANBUs concealing techniques and chakra suppressing abilities are the best”

“Sure! When do we begin?”

And with that, Kakashi and her began teaching the young Genin all the tricks in the books.

When they finished practicing the sun was setting. All three team 7 members improved their skill a lot, especially Sasuke, but even Naruto did surprisingly well considering he wasn’t very well versed in hiding his presence, being the show off he was.

After saying goodbye to the kids, (Y/N) was left alone with Kakashi who, making sure his students were gone, spoke up:

“Well that was intense...are you hungry? We could stop somewhere on our way back and have dinner, if you would like to of course”

“I would love to! I’m starving, plus we haven’t hung out in a while, it’ll be nice to chat a little”

“Yeah” was what Kakashi replied, though he seemed, (Y/N) thought, to be a bit tense but she shrugged off that feeling once they started walking back to the village.

They decided to stop at one of their favourite cafes in Konoha (consciously avoiding Ichiraku’s ramen to avoid bumping into Naruto) to have dinner together and talk about the usual stuff like mission etc.

(Y/N) really missed talking to Kakashi, he was like a soothing presence to her, his voice never failed to make her feel a little happier then before. Whenever they were sharing these simple moments, even as just friends, (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel butterflies in her stomach each time. It was a bittersweet sensation in which she felt both very happy and sad because of the fact that she was in love with her best friend, but would be to scared to actually make a move.

She snapped out of her thoughts when food came and they ate in silence.

When they finished eating their dinner, they both exited the shop and started walking together through the village.

“So how was your last mission? You’ve been gone for quite a while. Tsunade told me it was a very important top secret mission” asked Kakashi after a while.

“It worked out somehow. I didn’t think it would take so long either but we had to deal with something unexpected which caused us to carry out the mission for 3 weeks straight”

“I see” said Kakashi before he went silent again. To be honest he was being pretty silent, not that he was and extremely talkative person, but still when he was with (Y/N) he would usually be more relaxed. This time however he seemed to be lost in thoughts and she found herself wondering what it could be.

They sat on a bench, admiring in silence the starry sky. It was a comfortable silence, each of them appreciating the others presence.

(Y/N) let out a small shiver when their arms accidentally brushed against each other.

“Are you cold?” asked Kakashi.

“No, I’m fine” she answered before letting out a long sigh.

“Is something wrong? Your mind seems to be somewhere else”

(Y/N) was taken aback by his comment, realising she had been just staring at the sky for a while, thinking about him, to be honest. She didn’t exactly know why but she felt the urge to be honest to him so she spoke her mind: “Nothing’s wrong it’s just- I really missed hanging out with you, you know, being with you and just talking about nothing in particular. And it makes me a little sad that these moments have become a rarity lately, because of our schedules and everything...”. She had no idea why she went that far expressing her feelings towards him. Damn this almost sounded like a confession.

When she realised what she just said, (Y/N) turned her gaze from Kakashi, trying to hide her face that was now a blushing mess.

Kakashi didn’t say anything. He was looking at her, a blush of his own barely visible under his mask. (Y/N) had never been this sentimental with him before. Could it be possible that she was trying to tell him what he wished she was trying to tell him? - he thought.

It was now or never, thought Kakashi. She had just opened up to him and now he felt like it was the perfect time to do the same and tell her about his feelings. “There something I want you to know (Y/N)” he spoke up, making the girl finally turn her face towards him with a questioned look.

“I really like you, you know, more than just a friend”.

That’s it. He said it. There was no going back, so he went on “I’ve been acting like we’re just friends but I can’t do it anymore because I think-“ he stopped for a second, thinking about what he was about to say “- I think I’m in love with you and can’t keep pretending otherwise”

(Y/N) stood there, her eyes widened and a shocked expression on her face. There she was thinking she had just made a fool of herself in front of Kakashi for almost confessing her feelings to him, and now she just heard him say he loved her??

Soon enough the shocked expression she wore was replaced with a closed-eyed smile: “I love you too Kakashi” she finally said, then added with a chuckle “I was scared to tell you ‘cause I thought it would ruin our friendship but if you put it like that...”

When she reopened her eyes she saw Kakashi lower his mask (which didn’t shock her much since being best friends for such a long time meant that she had seen his face in many occasions) and leaning forward, cupping her cheek. She did the same until their lips finally met.

(Y/N) thought that the feeling of Kakashi’s soft lips on hers was the best.

After a few seconds, they gently started moving their lips in unison to deepen the kiss.

When the two broke apart, gasping for air, they both smiled at each other.

Maybe, (Y/N) thought, things did change after all.