#python your motherfucker

[lilythdaemon]

"If I don't try it, I can't fail it."

- DRIELLY, 2023. Python Introduction Class.

[darknight3904]

All Too Well

Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Joel get revenge for your beloved pet cat.

Warnings: Violence, guns, death, non-described torture, mentions of scars, pet death, language.

Word Count: 2.1k

Previous Part / Series Masterlist / Main Masterlist

May 2024 

The pistol that was tucked into Red Laces’ pocket comes free easily. Joel turns to his right and shoots the one with bad breath first. He stands up, straightening to his full height, ready to kill Oliver but Brett has gotten there first. 

His companion has straddled Louis’ killer and his currently beating him bloody. Joel leaves him to it and sets his sights on the other two remaining men. One of them is fumbling with his gun which appears to be jammed. The other has begun to flee the camp, he must know he’s fucked. Joel fires before the gun can be unjammed and then turns to shoot the running one down. It’s easy, pulling the trigger and watching a man fall into the dirt, covered in his own blood. 

Joel could hear the leader cursing from that tent he’d disappeared into, surely he knew that his men were dead. He approaches the tent, his boots sinking into the mud as he goes.

“Stay the fuck back!” The man snarls. 

If he were smart, he’d have a gun pointed at the tent flap, that's what Joel would do if he were him. Of course, Joel would never let his men die like dogs while he hid in a tent. What a fucking-

“Joel!” 

Joel barely gets the chance to turn around before you’re slamming into him nearly knocking him off his feet like you’re some professional linebacker for the Dallas Cowboys. Your Python is dropping to the ground with a thump as your arms wrap around his torso. 

“You alright?” You bury your face into his shirt and mumble into his chest. 

“Been better.” He motions to his still-bleeding shoulder, “Where the hell did you run off to this morning?” 

You untangle yourself from him and fix your focus on his gunshot. Ignoring his question, your hands push his jacket off his shoulder and stare at the wounded flesh. It’s not bleeding so bad anymore, hurts like a bitch but the blood has trickled off into a thin stream.  

“We should get you back to Jackson. Dr. Hill can fix you up.” 

You take a step towards the tent and Joel catches you by the arm. 

“Sweetheart, there’s somethin’ you need to know.” Joel starts, “That man you mentioned he’s��” 

“He’s in the tent, Joel.” You say looking at the halfway unzipped flap, “That missing teeth, cat-killing motherfucker is going to die. Let me go.” 

You must’ve been hiding somewhere, watching this camp, no wonder he’d conveniently been saved when Laces tried killing him. You rip your arm out of Joel’s hand and take another step to the tent. 

“Alright, Alright,” Joel says, looking at Brett who has dragged an unconscious Oliver over, “Let us bring him out here.” 

You watch as Joel and Brett disappear into the tent, the sound of a punch being delivered followed by a couple of grunts fills the air and before you know it, they’re back, dragging The Walrus out by his arms towards you. Joel tosses a hunting knife at your feet before he and Brett drop The Walrus face-first into the ground. 

“Didn’t even have a gun. Guess he thought his men would do all the killing for him.” 

It seems that The Walrus has gotten lazy, years ago when you were the one tied to a tree he always had a gun tucked into a holster on his side. He’s gotten complacent, this good-for-nothing sack of shit was seriously expecting his little group of 20-somethings would be able to protect him from you and your wrath. 

You watch as he pulls himself up, sitting back on his knees it dawns on you that you don’t know this man’s name. He was responsible for the many scars that crisscrossed your back and sides, he haunted you in your dreams and you didn’t even know his fucking name. 

“Listen. I can pay you. I got another man who will be back in a few days. There’s this settlement a few miles north, you three can have your pick of the supplies, food, women, whatever you want. Just let me live.” 

He can’t be serious, trying to weasel his way out of death like this. Did he not recognize you? You’d know his face anywhere, even now covered in mud and a shaggier beard, you knew it was him. 

You glance over at Brett whose eyes are fixed on that beaten bloody body he’d dragged over. You realize Louis is missing and come to the conclusion that Brett was staring at his friend’s now-deceased killer. Joel gives you a pointed look, his pistol is shoved into the back of The Walrus’ head, all it would take is one pull of the trigger and he’d be dead.

“You said you have another man?” You say, your voice devoid of any emotion 

“Yes. He’s out scouting a community. We’re going down to Kansas and getting the rest of my men, then we’re taking it. Come with me, I’ll pay you all well.” 

You scoff at this, a small laugh escapes your lips, what the fuck was wrong with this man. You knew he was a psychopath but seriously actually asking you to work with him? One of his men had killed Louis, another was about to shoot Joel, and for crying out loud he had four people tied up just 4 yards away. He must be delusional if he thought you, Joel, and Brett would want to work with him. 

“What’s so funny, bitch?” 

Joel smacks him in the back of the head with the butt on his gun, “Watch your fucking mouth.” 

“Or what? Is she gonna order you to shoot me? That how you live your life? Dickless, commanded by some whore with big tits?”  

You watch as Joel grabs The Walrus by a fistful of his greasy hair before slamming him into the ground so hard you’re pretty sure you heard the crunch of bone. Joel’s voice is deadly as he speaks directly into your captor's ear. 

“You’ll hold your tongue around my woman or when she tells me to shoot ya’, I’ll make sure you’ll go out real slow.” 

Joel hauls The Walrus back up into his previous position on his knees. 

“S’ that we did to Adam isn’t it, sweetheart?” 

The Walrus’ eyes flick to yours, trying to discern if Joel is lying. You nod suddenly feeling a bit small. Joel was good at this, intimidation. The man kneeling in front of you doesn’t give a shit what you do, it’s Joel he’s worried about.

“We got your second in command. See, in Jackson, we ain’t stupid the way you think we are. Caught him and that girl he was with right away.” 

“You’re full of shit.” The Walrus says in disbelief that he’s truly alone, his allies thousands of miles away in Kansas. 

Joel shakes his head, “You see, I wanted to draw it out some more, got some good hits in, even ran a knife across his skin. That sound familiar to you? Well, Adam, he cried a lot, pissed himself too, begging for his life in the dirt, “Joel raises his free hand, the one that's not holding his gun, and taps The Walrus on the forehead three times, “She put a bullet in his head with the same gun that's sitting there at her hip now.”

“Fuck you, man. You didn’t know him, he was a good guy.” The Walrus fires back 

“See that’s where you’re wrong. Good men don’t rape women.” Joel says, “Another thing a good man doesn’t do is feed em’ their pets for fun.” 

The Walrus’ eyes flick to yours, and a beat of recognition flashes. Now, he knows who you are. 

“That was years ago…I shouldn’t have…” 

You feel your voice returning, you want to speak to this man to listen to him grovel. 

“But you did.” You say softly, “You made my only friend in the whole world into bowls of soup and a bag of jerky.” 

The Walrus shakes his head like he doesn’t quite believe he did that. 

“And then, whenever we were alone you cut me up for fun, just like my cat.” Your hands shake a bit as you push your long-sleeved shirt up off your right arm to the elbow. You point to the long scars that are nestled into your skin forever, “Remember these?” 

“I-I’m sorry…” He says plainly, staring down at your arm

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it.” Joel snarls 

Joel motions for Brett to take his gun before he takes a step to his left, scooping up a big roll of duct tape that’d been sitting on top of an open bag of one of the men. He walks to you and turns your focus to him, 

“I’ll kill him for ya, sweetheart.” Joel, “Let me question him first though, Jackson needs to know about these men he's got down in Kansas.” 

You nod and feel hot tears fill your waterline. Why were you crying? You should be jumping for joy that Joel was going to put him down. Joel takes a step back and tells Brett to tape The Walrus up and drag him off to another tree where he’ll meet his end. A warm hand comes up and Joel brushes a stray tear off your face and presses a warm kiss to your forehead before moving towards where Brett is dragging your tormenter off to. 

“Joel?” 

“Hm?” 

“Make it hurt, okay?” 

The screams go on for what seems like hours. You’ve tucked yourself away under the shade of a tree that's bigger than the rest. The four captives, sit a few feet away from you. You’d cut them all loose and let them devour the bits of food the men had stashed away in their bags. Now, they sit and listen to The Walrus beg for his life as Joel works his magic. You still don’t know his name but you don’t want to know it anyway. 

Brett came back about twenty minutes ago and offered you a sandwich from his bag before plunking down beside you. You don’t know him well but you can tell he’s freaked out whether it was Joel or whatever had happened to Louis you knew Brett was scared. 

“How long do you think it’s going to go on?” He asks quietly 

Hopefully forever. 

“I dunno.” 

Another twenty minutes go by before Joel returns. He’s wiping at the blade of the knife he had initially tossed onto the ground for you to pick up.

“Let’s get goin’. We’ll send some people out to pick this stuff over later.” 

Joel reaches down and offers you his hand, you take it and he pulls you to his feet with a grunt. 

“I want to bury Louis,” Brett says as you leave the raider's camp behind 

Doubled up on the horses Joel leads you and the newcomers back to where Louis’ dead body lies, an arrow in his face. Brett rigs something up to drag the body back to Jackson and you’re on your way again. 

You press your cheek against Joel’s back and let your eyes flutter shut. Joel had insisted that you ride with him, giving Pepper’s reins to the mother and daughter you had freed. They’re a few feet behind you, the woman struggling a bit to keep Pepper walking straight. 

By the time you reach the gates of Jackson, it’s late at night. The gates groan as they open and you let a woman named Joan take the horses and charge of the newcomers. You lead Joel off to the clinic and sit by his side while Dr. Hill works her magic on Joel’s shoulder. 

You rest your head on Joel’s good shoulder, listening to the way his breath hitches a bit when the bullet finally comes out. It has to hurt yet he makes no move to cry out, always acting so tough. 

A few stitches and clean gauze later, Joel is pulling what's left of his t-shirt back on while you try to focus on anything but the skin he’s got exposed to your greedy eyes. Shame on you for thinking like that right now. He’d just been shot and you were thinking about how his chest hair had started to gray.

“Can I stay at yours?” 

Fuck, you hadn’t meant to blurt that out, god you were pathetic, not even wanting to sleep in your own home. You were 44 years old, not some toddler who needed coddling! 

Joel lets out a warm hum, slipping his old tan coat under his arm for safekeeping, 

“Course ya’ can sweetheart.” 

Next Part

...And now we can commence the romance. Joel can you and Sweetheart just kiss already, gosh!!?

How I felt last night when Tiktok wouldn't work:

Comment to be added to the tag list. This tag list is not chapter by chapter, I carry the tags over to each part.

Tags:

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[ronnykins-needshelp]

🐍 Beast tamer’s petty kidnappers agenda

Chapter 2 is now out on AO3 - link

Preview

Shen Yuan decided to be the most obnoxious little shit he could while he was draped over Luo binghes shoulder. He screamed profanities, bit, scratched, whined, complained, you name it!

But that fucker still didnt put him down!! Usually, such tactics worked – his entire family can back that up! – but this man didn't even budge. Was that even humanly possible?

Not for him because he was a motherfucking demon!!

Due to adrenaline, Shen Yuan’s brain didn't actually process the fact that the demon lord of the 2 realms was carrying him. All he had in mind was the poor black-moon Rhinoceros python that was killed.

He took a minute to catch his breath while rubbing his throat, his asthmatic ass couldn’t take such long periods of screaming.

“ All cried out? “ The demon snarked under him. Shen Yuan felt a rush of smugness to hear that his pestering did, in fact, affect the demon.

“No. “ Then, he continued his antics until they arrived at their destination.

Which were unfortunately bed chambers. He was plopped down onto the luxurious bed in the side of the room. He looked around as he tried to determine his predicament.

The room was crudely simple. Not like how he would style his room – which was an organized chaos of bestiary notes, food, plants, and his special fan collection. This, however, harbored a single desk and nightstand. There were scrolls on top of both, but they were organized in a way that made the impression they had just been left there a day prior. But Shen Yuan knew better, he could see the layers of dust everywhere in the room. It made him wonder what exactly is the significance of this bedroom.

Oh shit.

He is in a bedroom

_______

He had only just reunited with his Shizun for a few hours, but he knew already that it would be a tremendous effort to get him back to his old self. It never really occurred to him that maybe this was his shizun’s real personality, with how much emotion he guarded that also included smiling.

So he marched towards the private courtyard that he had built with his own two hands and kicked the door open — not hard enough to break, but enough to get the message. He heard before before his eyes fell upon the scene before him that left him breathless.

“ The monster's gone. “

The floor that surrounded the bed was filled with servants looking in awe.

“ He’s on the run. “

Long, slender, and delicate fingers gently caressed a face softened by tears.

“ And your daddy’s here. “

Green and white robes rested on a dainty frame that leaned forward as the light shone from the window; it gave the sight an ethereal radiance no other dared replicate.

“ Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful, “

The lips that sang the sweet melodies of earthly birds were curved in the gentlest smile that could rival the brightest star.

“ Beautiful boy. “

The tune heightens at the last moment as if a mother was soothing her crying child.

[manicpixiefelix]

at the other end of the leash

{ One-Shot for head, heart, hand. }

@vannyangelxoxo asked: can you write Felix beating someone’s ass for reader? Summary: You convince Felix to go with you to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in one of the last weeks of Summer before you begin your first year at Oxford University. While out on the town during the Festival, Felix finds himself enchanted with one of the performers, an avant-guarde acrobat named Magnus. The perfect night quickly goes south, however, as Felix discovers someone trying to take advantage of you, and he immediately steps in. Of course.

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons. Set at the end of Summer before Felix and Reader start their first year of university at Oxford. Established Bi Felix.

Warnings: heavy themes; reader is slipped a roofie at a club and a stranger attempts to take them home, and it's heavily implied that he plans to assault them. felix gets there in time, which leads to the second warning of VIOLENCE. felix beats that motherfucker to a bloody mess. it doesn't get super gorey/explicit but there is a lot of blood. also there is discussions of nudity, non explicit sex, and recreational drug use in the club.

A/N: 6053 words. well, would you look at that. another request that got outrageously out of hand. this is also a personal homage to Edinbugh Fringe Festival, my beloved, my home for 6 weeks of the year. id also like to state that it's a wonderful place to be; the roofie plot is 100% fictionalised. the rest of it is a pastiche of real things that i have actually experienced. i cannot stress enough the raw animal attraction of a man named magnus who can and will flirt with anyone and everyone while getting drinks after his shows, who performs several times a week with his dick out, wearing eyeliner, heavily tattooed, who smokes and has pretty eyes. that's all i have to say about that.

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

"Come on Fi, it's the last weeks of Summer before we start uni," you'd been rather desperately imploring, as if Felix had ever known how to refuse you when you actually wanted something, "you know Monty Python started there before they were even Monty Python," you told him knowingly, which was certainly interesting, though not particularly relevant. Finally you sighed, splaying yourself out over the sofa you'd been sitting, looking up at him from as he entered the room. Now you were spread out foolishly, childishly, looking up at him with imploring eyes, "Fi we've spent a month lazing around the house and I know your parents have no other events planned before we go back, except for the party on the second last night; we'll be back before then, I promise! I want to spend time watching strange show, meeting people I'd never imagine, and drinking cocktails named after famous poets from rustic bars!"

It had been your suggestion to go to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival for a few days, and despite the exhaustingly long train ride and the hotel prices that would probably cripple anyone less well off than you - Felix had agreed. Of course he'd agreed; you sounded so hopeful.

Which is how you'd found yourself in an underground club on a Friday night, dancefloor packed with more bodies than sense, and a twenty minute line for drinks. Tonight he'd been feeling especially bold, forgoing a jacket altogether, spending time in the mirror with you before heading out to see the show you'd chosen for the evening - a compelling one-man show about being gay in Australia, in a less compelling, cramped venue. So now here he was, in one of his more fetching dark, silk, button-down t-shirts, eyeliner on his waterline, mascara even though he claimed to not need it, a touch of glitter by his temples, and his favourite brown lipstick that he'd agonised over.

Not long after you'd come out, you'd tried wearing eyeliner with the male, private school uniform - I can- I should be allowed to do whatever I want, right? - and the minute after Felix had gotten out of suspension for smacking a kid who called you a slur, he went out and bought his own eyeliner. His collection had only grown from there. It really was a shame that people seemed to think it was reserved for femininity. Well, as it turned out, people who weren't part of things like Fringe Festivals.

Felix fit right in tonight.

It's a little thrilling; these people, in neon underwear and wigs and makeup that would forever outshine his own efforts, they look at him differently. Drugs passed around him - oh darling, would you like some? But once he'd ask what they were and the kind soul goes to check, they're pulled away by some other shiny thing to focus on. Always too close, tits out with nipple pasties being sweated off, he's sure he saw someone's dick out on the dance floor, the most beautiful, feminine, sculpted faces on the hairiest male bodies sporting only a gold speedo. Confusing and foreign and everyone smiling at him.

Felix wasn't quite sure where you'd gotten too, especially not since he'd found himself caught in the blue-eyed gaze of a stocky punk with a face tattoo and carefully loose hair pulled back into a low bun. Nose piercings and ears with stretched holes that Felix could see all the way through, black silicone bordering the void almost like it was intended to match the black makeup around his eyes, though it looks worn, half sweated through. Still, Felix can't help but be enchanted by the way it made his blue eyes peak so brightly through. Felix didn't think he had much of a type when it came to guys, but he'd always found something very charming about dark hair and blue, mischievous eyes.

"Magnus," he'd introduced himself as with much confidence and yelling over the music, and when Felix introduced himself, asked if he was here for the festival, Magnus smiles wider. Felix thinks very distinctly of biting. "Actually here blowing off steam after a show," a performer then, "part of an avant guarde acrobatics troupe," a very flexible performer.

"How... long have you been doing that?"

"About three years now," Magnus squints into the distance as he tried to recall, "since I was nineteen."

"Oh," Felix brightens up, adding without thinking, "I'm nineteen." And immediately hangs his head with embarrassment. Thankfully, instead of calling him a kid - despite only being twenty-two; everyone in their twenties seemed to like calling him a baby, even if they'd turned twenty yesterday - and laughs.

"Oh thank god," he claps Felix on the shoulder, "because I was definitely going to ask."

"It's a pub," Felix points out, as if no-one underage has ever snuck into a pub ever. Magnus gives him a sidelong smile.

"With no security in sight, mate," he snorted. Felix had noticed that drugs were being passed around like candy, but he hadn't really considered it beyond that. Magnus, however, points to a couple that have been grinding on each other on a bar stool several feet away, "he's been fucking her like that for the past fifteen minutes." Felix's brows shot up.

"Really?!" He gasped; Magnus grinned like the Cheshire cat, mentioning in a far too offhand way that they were also friends of his, "should we move?"

"It's the furthest you're going to be from some kind of sex act unless you want to go outside," he gave a loud, pleased sigh at the environment, seeming entirely at home. Felix is struck with the immediate and vivid image of Magnus in his beautiful leather jacket pressing him up against this very wall, hand slipping beneath the waistband of Felix's pants; the freedom of everyone seeing and nobody caring and -

"What's avant guarde about it-" Felix clears his throat awkwardly, "the acrobatics, I mean, if I may ask?" Felix tries to remain polite while he knows he's blushing all over. All he hopes is that this man beside him that he's just met can't tell how loudly he's thinking holy shit have I met someone who could throw me around the room with ease? Is that something I want? He's never really thought about it before -

"You ever seen three people stand on each other's shoulders all at once in the full monty?" As if that's a real question Felix is supposed to have a real answer to, but Magnus stood just a little taller, just a little prouder, "I'm the lad at the bottom, holding us all secure, cock out for the world to see." What a fucking mental image.

Magnus also informs Felix that the tattoo on his face, the delicate dagger, has its match somewhere else on his body. It's with a staggering amount of confidence that immediately flusters Felix that Magnus tells him he can either buy a ticket to the show, or buy him a drink if he'd like to see it. He's pretty sure he's never been so directly and effectively hit on before in his entire life. Yes, counting the trips you, he, Farleigh, and Venetia took to France that Summer in high school.

Standing in line, thinking about beautiful, punk, acrobat Magnus and what Felix can only assume is his tattooed cock, it takes him a long while to realise that he's nearing the bar and has been staring at some guy's drinks for a full minute. Something colourful and fizzing, something with vodka he's pretty sure. It takes another moment to register something falling into one of the drinks from between the man's fingers as he goes to take them away -

"Hey!" It could have been an accident, it could have been nothing, but Felix wouldn't be able to forgive himself if it wasn't, "dude, hey!" He tries to snatch at the guy's denim jacket, but he slips into the crowd. Trying to jam himself up to the bar, despite everyone else's annoyance, he tries to tell the bartender, but the man's already disappeared too far.

Vaguely distressed, but mostly dejected, he steps back to his place, and waiting another few long moments for his turn at the bar. Even as his gaze roams the crowd for the potential bastard, he can't seem to see him. But he looses track of his thoughts on the matter when he gets back to Magnus, leaning against the wall with half a cigarette tucked behind his ear, and those gorgeous blue eyes drinking in Felix as he approaches.

"Was almost worried I'd lost you there," he slings an arm around Felix's waist, drawing him in close, accepting the drink with a grin, and all Felix can think about is how warm he is, how he smells sweet and like rich herbs and smoke. He asks what Felix does, and Felix tries his very best not to sound as young as he suddenly feels -

"Remains to be seen," he leans into speak into Magnus's ear, musting the confidence he knows he usually has in spades, wrapping his own arm around Magnus's shoulders, "about to start at Oxford in a few days -"

"Oxford!" Felix isn't sure if Magnus is teasing him or not. He's also not sure that he minds, he kind of wants the man to keep looking at him- keep smiling at him like that.

He's so enraptured by the company he's found for himself that it almost startles him when you come stumbling out of the crowd, off of the dance floor, beaming and sweating, holding a half-finished drink.

"Fi, there you are- oh my, hi, hello!" You're already giving Magnus a million watt smile, clearly quite drunk. Felix catches you with his free hand, having finished his own drink not too long ago.

"Hello, sweetheart," Magnus greets you warmly, but with an unmistakable hint of reservation, gaze momentarily flicking between yourself and Felix, trying to reassess the situation in the blink of an eye. You don't seem to notice that, however, simply standing a little taller, subtly preening at the pet name.

"Y/N is my best mate," Felix leans in close to Magnus to explain, voice fond in his ear, "the reason I'm here at all." And there's that smile again, all warm and amused and Magnus' eyes shining in a way that makes Felix want to let him do terrible, unspeakable things to him.

"Lucky for us both then, that you have such a darling friend."

Performers are a different fucking breed of people, Felix can't help but think to himself, even as Magnus turns - arm never leaving it's place around Felix - to properly introduce himself to you. He thinks it again watching Magnus charm you just as easily, even if he wasn't trying to outright hit on you the way he had been with Felix.

"I was just- I was just-" you stumble over your words, taking another sip of your drink - something colourful and fizzing, vodka something, you'd said with an offhand frown, a lovely guy I've been dancing with bought it for me - while you take Magnus' offered free hand to steady yourself, "I was thinking of heading back to the hotel pretty shortly, I'm a bit -" you make a vague hand gesture. Before you can even finish the sentiment, however, the next song begins and you light up. Finishing your drink, you grab Felix's free hand with your own, tugging them both towards the dance floor, begging them for one dance.

"How could I say no to a face like that?" Magnus teases, letting himself be dragged onto the dancefloor, Felix adding with a fond smile.

"Trust me, I wouldn't know."

Glad for the company, you gleefully let loose amongst the crush of bodies, and there's something both endearing, and endlessly attractive, about how happy Magnus seems to match your energy. The three of you jumping around to The Sex Pistols, Magnus shouting along with all of the lyrics and seemingly impressed that you and Felix at the very least seem to know some of them.

After the song, however, you seem to slip back into the crowd on the dancefloor, as if once more transfixed by the lights and movement and heat of the night. Magnus, however, leans in and asks if Felix smokes.

Outside it's far easier to breathe. It's cooler too. Still, Magnus pulls off his leather jacket, ties it around his hips, leaving him in a tight, white t-shirt. Felix has known in a roundabout way that he wasn't straight for quite some time, but damn did reminders like this not feel like being hit by a truck. Covered in tattoos and with the kind of arms and shoulders the Greeks could model statues of gods from, Felix knows he's staring but quite literally does not know how to stop.

Except then Magnus is pulling out an actual, metal cigarette deck, offering it to Felix for him to take one, and Felix is pretty sure this is the coolest person he's ever met in his life.

"I love these," Magnus takes Felix's hand in his free one, clicking the cigarette deck closed and sliding it smoothly back into his pocket, "these are cute," he's looking at the silly, little collection of stars tattooed on his hand. They look like nothing compared to the ink all over Magnus, but he seems genuine in his interest.

"Surprise gift for my sister," Felix hears himself say, cigarette between his lips as he fumbles in his pockets for a lighter.

"For your sister?"

"Well it was a surprise to me too," Felix chuckles at the memory, "Y/N and I organised for me and Venetia to get matching tattoos of her choice for her birthday."

"You... didn't know?" Magnus snorts, dropping Felix's hand to take the half-cigarette out from behind his ear, holding it out for Felix to light.

"Well I'm not opposed, I've got a couple of tattoos - nothing like yours," he grins, and Magnus's gaze meets his, flashing with that same amusement and attraction as in the club that had so captivated Felix in the first place, "but I'm kind of surprised that that's what Y/N gifted her?"

"Did your sister not like it?"

"No, that's the thing, I've actually never seen Ven react like that to a gift before," Felix muses; smiling at the memory, "of course she was a menace about it at first; I was worried she'd been given too much power," he snorted, tipping his head to look at Magnus, only to see those blue eyes gazing back, as if hanging on Felix's every word, "do you know how close I came to having a tramp stamp?"

"As if you wouldn't look fantastic with a tramp stamp," Magnus snorted.

However before the story can even be finished, the door to the club opens and both turn at the sound of your voice.

"No, I need some water first -" you sound very wrong. The person beside you, a man who looks vaguely familiar, though Felix is sure it's not his face, is setting almost too brisk of a pace.

"Come on, there's water back at my place, remember?"

"I need to go back to the hotel," you tried to insist, "and water- 'm gonna throw up in the taxi."

"You'll be fine, I promise, I've got you." The man's hailing at taxi, while you're swaying on your feet, looking even more out of it than you had when they'd last seen you.

Felix is moving on instinct, without hesitation, without even thinking.

"The fuck are you doing?" His voice raises, and the man turns right as a taxi is pulling up, looking at Felix with blatant irritation, not appearing to be intimidated in the slightest.

"Back off man, my friend isn't feeling well-" the bastard lies through his teeth, even as you of course recognise Felix, and take his arm, mumbling that you felt sick, "see?" He actually tries to pry you away from Felix, "I'm taking care of them, no need to worry -" but Felix puts his hand on yours, secure. Just as well, since you start to list and lean and lose your balance.

"Fi," you mutter weakly, pitifully, "help."

And that's when Felix realises what he recognises about the man; the jacket that slipped through his fingers at the bar. The man he'd seen dose your drink, as it turned out.

Felix has never seen red in his life the way he has in this moment.

Fury simmers white-hot just beneath his skin, though he keeps himself calm and collected as he gently walks you over to the wall of the club, easing you into a sitting position. All the while the bastard that was with you is berating him, saying you just needed to get somewhere to lie down. Magnus, however, seems to understand what's happening, and sits himself down beside you at the wall, quietly asking one of the many onlooker to go inside and grab some water for you.

"Fine, sit 'em on the filthy fucking pavement in the middle of the city instead of letting them lie down in a bed to sleep it off; you feel good? You feel like a hero for not letting me take my friend home -?"

There is an audible crack when Felix's fist makes impact with the bastard's nose. He knows once his adrenaline wears off it's going to hurt like a motherfucker, but it's worth it. More blood splatters across them both than Felix was anticipating from his wonky uppercut, but he doesn't care. The man half recovers, unsteady, but he gets a hit on Felix's cheeks with a fist full of rings, but he seems almost disorientated. Felix goes for the throat this time, satisfaction being the sound of the man choking on his gurgle of pain.

Felix isn't quite sure what it was that sent the bastard crashing to the ground, but he does know that he's tearing through that man's coat pockets like a feral beast before he finds the bottle of pills like the one he saw fall into your drink.

It's like the entire world stops for this one second.

His knuckles ache, covered in blood that isn't his own, clutching the same roofies that were now coursing through your blood, making you weak and vulnerable and prey to bastards like this. His head spins, fury spitting in his veins, blood singing to tear this man apart. There were on lookers, a gasping crowd, but for some reason no bouncer in sight, no-one stopping this.

And you, sitting against the wall of the pub, tucked up against Magnus who had a protective arm around you and was looking at the man beneath you with something cold in his eyes. His other hand was balancing a glass of water on his leg next to you, for you, but you didn't move, just looked at your hands, helpless. Magnus's cold gaze slides to meet Felix's, and there's something approving in his eyes. He gives the faintest nod.

Felix kind of blacks out after that.

The next thing he remembers is being shoved into a taxi rather frantically, hearing Magnus shout - well get him on his side so he doesn't choke on his blood before the ambulance arrives. You're already in, leaning against the window seat, gazing vacantly out of it. Felix gently touches your shoulder once the door shuts behind him- fuck that seems like a lot of blood? When did that happen? You make a vague hum of acknowledgement, so Felix shuffles over to the middle seat and coaxes you to rest against him.

"Fi?"

"Of course," he cradles you against him.

"Fi," your voice is weak, he can hear you beginning to sniffle. Your words come out awkwardly, slurred terribly, "feels wrong, c'nt.. m've."

"I know, I'm sorry," Felix feels the tears in his own eyes, "you'll be okay, I'm here, you'll be okay." He can't believe he let this happen. The front door opens, and Magnus's voice greets the driver.

"Sorry about the state of them in the back -"

"'s Friday, laddie," the terribly aged, terribly Scottish taxi driver says blithely, "where shall I be takin' yas?"

Magnus looks over the back to you both, expression concerned, but genuine, and asks for the address of your hotel. Felix takes a moment to compose himself, but finally gives it, and the drive commences in silence.

It seems only natural for Magnus to also get out once you've all arrived, easily sliding into step with Felix as they both wrapped one of your arms around their shoulders and helped get you back through the hotel and up to your room.

"Thank you, Magnus," Felix says softly as he fishes the key from his pocket, "I'm so sorry about how the night turned out." Magnus actually laughed at that, and Felix opened the door.

"Felix, if the context weren't so dramatically, disgustingly awful, this would be the most fun night I've had all Fringe." And you all shuffle inside, Felix guiding you all towards the bedroom to lay you down, "nice room by the way," Magnus looks around as he passes through, "who's cock did you have to suck to afford it in the middle of the Fringe?"

"I..." Felix hesitates, "don't know if that's a first meeting kind of question."

"Well played, Oxford boy," Magnus says, but there's no malice behind the nickname, "I have my theories, though." Part of Felix is glad Magnus is there, to help lighten the load, lighten the mood, even a little.

They lay you gently on the bed, and Felix is just glad that you seemed to finally have fully passed out. He can't begin to imagine the horrors that were going on inside your head. Then it's just the two of them. And the built in wardrobe across the room with it's floor to ceiling mirror.

And all that blood on Felix.

"I look the fucking American Psycho," it's fucking horrific! What did he do? Magnus, sitting on the end of the bed with one knee crossed over the other gives an amused smile.

"You actually kind of do."

"It's not good!" Felix approaches the mirror like he's in a damn horror movie, scrubbing at his cheeks with little success, but with a surprising amount of sharp pain, "the fuck did I do? Is this all his?" Magnus, in the mirror, is looking at him curiously, "Magnus, seriously, the fuck did I do?"

"You were fucking beautiful, Felix," Magnus says, sounding almost awed. Felix stopped; there was nothing flirty, nothing about it that wasn't genuine. Wait holy shit, Felix realises, are these fucking butterflies in his chest? Now of all times?

Then, in the next moment, Magnus blinks, clearing his throat loudly, like he hadn't meant to say that. For the first time all night he looks genuinely flustered, dropping his gaze.

"You hospitalised a fucking rapist, is what you did," he said matter-of-factly with a nod - he'd nodded before, it's the last thing Felix really remembers - "proved your point to everyone there finding those fucking pills; that was a good move. I mean, I had to explain what the fuck was happening to our little audience while I was dragging you off him - didn't think you wanted to kill him."

"Thanks," Felix says weakly. Then, softly, looking down at his shaking hands, "should I go to the police?"

"For doing a public service?" Magnus snorts, shaking his head, "no, there's at least a dozen girls who will attest to him acting threatening, and to Y/N's behaviour - who was thankfully taken away by an actual kind friend - and that he admitted in a fit of rage to spiking the drinks. He'll be the one in jail if anything." It's so... easy. So nonchalant.

When Felix asks, confusion, disbelief, innocence in his voice, Magnus just smiles like the easiest thing in the world, and says he's an actor, it's his job.

"You don't have to be doing all of this," Felix covers the room in a few short steps, knowing he'll never have the words to thank this stranger for all he's done tonight.

"Are you kidding me? I'm going to be telling this story for the rest of my life," Magnus grins brightly, and his eyes shine just like that had hours ago, before everything went to hell. He leans in conspiratorially, "you broke his fucking ribs."

"I think I broke more than his ribs," Felix says with a tentatively proud smile. Magnus nodded in absolute agreement. Then, after a moment.

"Have a shower, Felix," he said, "I'm going to go downstairs to the petrol station, see what they have there, and be back in a bit; is it okay with you if I crash on the sofa -?"

"You don't have to do all this, seriously, it's late, please go home," Felix implores, taking Magnus's face in his hands. Magnus, however, looks at him like he's a fool.

"I'm going to make sure you're both okay," he pets Felix's hand on his cheek, smiling so sincerely, "and besides, if I'm down getting stuff, that way you can have a shower and know I'm not using that time to be a creep towards Y/N while you're busy."

After a moment of deliberation, Felix pulls Magnus in to press several kisses to his forehead, calling him an absolute Godsend, while Magnus laughs to hide how flustered it makes him.

The shower is where the adrenaline really starts to wear off and the ache of the fight sets into his muscles and bones. The mirror mists over and the droplets still cling where he wipes his hand over. His knuckles are bruised, as is his face, scratches and split lip and gashes where the rings had punctures his cheek. The makeup and eyeliner that he didn't think to properly remove before his shower probably makes it look a little worse than it is.

There's scratches on his throat, his collar, shallower on his chest where the bastard had tried to get him through his shirt while he was trapped beneath Felix on the ground. Scratches up his arms as the man fought a losing battle.

He takes one of the makeup wipes from the pack and cleans up his face as best he can as the first step. It helps, but not by a lot. Back in the bedroom, once he's dry, he searches his suitcase for pyjamas, getting himself dressed.

In there, there is a long few moments where he watches you sleep, watches the steady rise and fall of your breathing and sees the dried tear tracks on your cheeks.

"Fi, help."

God, he's tearing up at the memory. He should have stopped that cunt at the bar when he'd had the chance, when he first saw it happen. Never in his life has he heard you sound genuinely weak until tonight; his hands shake.

Before he gets you cleaned up, however, he feels like he needs to check... Magnus really didn't have to come back. Yeah, sure, he said he would, but if he got tired, if he needed to call it a night, Felix would not blame him in the slightest. He really was surprisingly lovely, and part of Felix would probably regret not getting his number, but it was understandable -

Magnus is sitting cross-legged in the hall, across from his door, eating a slice of white bread from a grocery bag by his side. In his other hand, he's texting.

"Give us a second, just letting the troupe know I'm fine."

Felix blinks at him. Felix waits. Magnus's thumb works the digits of the Nokia he's focusing on, before he must hit send, satisfied. Then, tucking the phone back into one of the inner pockets of his jacket, he looks up, eyes still that same, bright blue. He looks genuinely pleased to see Felix. Felix, for his part, is genuinely pleased to see him too. Surprised as well, if he was being honest, but pleased.

"You look much better," Magnus comments, and pushes himself to his feet. Bag looped in his arm, Felix sees it's a few basic supplies, bread, maybe some spread, something he can't identify, and something bright red. He offers to pay; Magnus tries to shrug it off, but Felix finally gives a self deprecating smile, gesturing around to the rather luxury hotel room they were in. Magnus gives himself a moment to take it all in again, and finally sighs, smiles, gives in.

He does, however, insist on making them both food.

Grilled cheese; all he could find on short notice since it was getting to the early hours of the morning. Felix watches for a few long moments, the way Magnus moves around the kitchenette with practiced ease, like a man used to these spaces, to life on the road. Felix finds he enjoys just watching Magnus; perhaps this is how people have often felt about him. Magnus doesn't watch him, he feels rather free.

"Do you want to take off your makeup," Felix pipes up just as Magnus reaches for the stove. Magnus freezes, "if you're staying, and being so kind as to make me food, the least I can offer is for you to make yourself comfortable."

"Should have suspected you'd be a good host," Magnus grins over his shoulder, and gently puts the pan down, leaving the stove off for the time being. So Felix directs him to the bathroom and tells him to take all the time he needs, and himself heads to the bedroom. Fishing his wallet from the jeans he'd discarded for the night, he pulls out two fifty pound notes. It's far more than the contents of the grocery bag, but Felix definitely doesn't care. It's so little for how kind he's been.

Opening the bedroom door, however, and he almost runs into Magnus, startling the both of them. Even with the remnants of his makeup still clinging around his eyes, the faintest traces of stubborn eyeliner and mascara, he looks fresh-faced and beautiful. Startled, both by the abruptness, and the fact that he might be even more taken with this man without his makeup on, all Felix can do is hold out the money. Magnus seems to thaw first, chuckles, shakes his head, and calls Felix incredibly generous. Unsurprisingly, Felix insists that it's not generous, it's simply fair compensation for his kindness.

After a moment, Magnus peers around Felix, asking how you were. Felix finally relaxes, assures him that for now you're fine. Magnus's expression is understanding, but still very knowing, as his gaze flicks between Felix and you.

"You take care of them, I'll take care of food," he insists gently. Before Felix can even ask how Magnus knew what that he still wanted to make sure you were comfortable, Magnus pats his chest fondly, "you beat a man half to death for them, I assume you want them to sleep in comfort."

Yeah. Fair. Good assessment of the night, and of Felix.

So Felix smiles, thanks him, and trusts him in the kitchen.

Felix treats you with such reverence in these moments, wiping off your makeup with such care, changing you into your pyjamas while he made sure there were no bruises, no scratches, no sign of this bastard anywhere on you. But no, thankfully not. He could have killed that bastard. Sounds like he almost did.

You frown in your sleep. Felix's heart hurts. But there's nothing more to be done for now.

Magnus is humming softly in the kitchen, a gentle sound amid the comforting sizzle of butter in a pan. Felix watches from the doorway for a long moment, the gentle, neutral expression, the focus on the food, the way he's retied his hair to catch all the hair that had so casually been hanging around his face back at the bar. There's something else different about him, however, and it's not the lack of leather jacket or makeup, it's something Felix can't put his finger on for a good few moments.

"Did you get shorter?"

Magnus stops humming. His gaze slides to Felix out of the corner of his eyes, expression unreadable. Then his gaze drops to the ground, and Felix follows; Magnus is wearing Christmas socks on the cold tiles. After a beat, Felix puts two and two together, and Magnus gives a vaguely sheepish laugh the minute he stalks around the kitchen island to the door. There's a pair of gigantic, black boots sitting primly by the door.

The absurdity of this, on top of everything else, finally has Felix laughing, collapsing against the kitchen island, face in his hands, as Magnus cackles quietly by the stove.

"What even is this night?" Felix groans through his fingers.

"One to remember," Magnus responds sagely as he served the first of the grilled cheeses onto a waiting plate, "the good parts, at least, and the good in the bad," immediately he puts another blob of butter in the pan, "and when you look back, you won't see the rage or the fear," he puts the second set of bread and cheese in the pan before picking up the plate with the first, finished dish, "you'll simply recall the love that inspired it all."

"You're so wise," Felix sighs fingers curling down so he could rest his chin on his fists, glad for the man he'd met by chance just a few hours before, "how'd you get so wise doing backflips in your birthday suit, Magnus?" He can feel himself growing tired, finally, as a yawn hits him, "is that something I should try?" Magnus laughs once again, putting the plate of food in front of Felix. He settles across from him, mirroring with his chin on his hand over the kitchen island.

"I take chances on people who intrigue me."

Somehow this terrible night has come full circle; you're comfortable and safe, there's nothing to worry about, and Felix desperately wants to kiss this damn acrobat who's in his hotel room making him grilled cheese at three in the morning.

"Magnus?"

"Yes, Felix," he murmurs back, smiling softly.

"Is that why you're still here, being so... lovely?"

But there's something in Magnus's eyes that dims at the question, just a little. Taking a deep, hesitant breath, his smile turns a touch awkward as he pushes off of the counter to check on the stove. Felix follows him with his eyes, confused, unsure of what he could have said that was wrong.

"I suppose that could be the short answer," Magnus offers, idly. Felix is quiet, crosses his arms on the bench and sinks down to rest his head there, almost childishly, waiting, "don't know if this is a first-meeting discussion either." Magnus finally comes to, though his tone is thankfully lighter.

Silence. Slowly, Felix sits himself back up and starts on the grilled cheese in front of him, quietly thanking Magnus who once again assures him it's no trouble. They sit and eat in silence together; it's not awkward, but Felix is growing more tired with each moment that passes.

"I'm five-seven," Magnus offers without prompting, halfway through the impromptu meal. Felix snorts so hard he starts almost choking on a lump of cheese. Magnus claps him on the back, snickering to himself. Felix, while trying to blink away the way his eyes are watering, peers over to the boots by the door once more, "six inch platforms."

"Fucking hell, how do you walk around in them?" Felix says between thankfully clearing coughs, "you don't perform in them, do you?"

"Fuck no," Magnus grins, "it's not that hard -"

"They'd make me near about seven foot!" Felix crows.

"Maybe next time you can try them on."

Next time.

Even as Magnus spends the next half hour tending to Felix's wounds, advising on how to take care of his muscles, Felix can't stop grinning to himself. Then Magnus says it again, wearing a grin of his own;

"I'm not kidding, I'm going to make sure you're taking care of yourself next time I see you."

"You promise?" Felix wears a wide, goofy grin, clearly giddy at the prospect, enough so that Magnus can't help but finally pull him in for a kiss.

"Promise, Felix."

[haveyoulistenedtothisalbum-poll]

Tracklist:

40 Years Super Hot Body Ready for Party • Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra and Scorpio Sagittarius Capricorn Aquarius Pisces Fart Song • Butterflies Scared My Cat When I Was Burping in Your Face on Wednesday Morning • Drunk Log out with Spooky Music Settings on My Firm Tits Pictures • Grandpa Says Fuck While Grandma Screams What Repeated Several Times • Grumpy Trumpy Python Toddler Taxi with False News and Emotions • Hugging Blood Thirsty Vampires with a Transylvanian Accent and Slapped Butts • I Farted as an Official Statement Against Global Warming, Expressing My Worries! • I’m Handsome When Wearing a Bag on My Head, Said the Horny Motherfuckers Politely • Is That Cellulite or Just Your Ugly Face? • Kindergarten Farting Fanfare Discussed with Disgusting Asian Clay Warriors Terracotta Song • Leaking Ladies Xylophone Solo Learning with Lusty Lashes Song • Lisping on Penis Peyote Creaking Mirth Radio, Let’s Lisp! Song • Lowering My Filthy Boobs to the Height of Your Curly Chest Hair with Freckles • Mom’s Cleaning Closet Looks Like a Women’s Porn Stash • My Gay Expense Combination Password Gore Seeking Battle Was Sinning • My Hangover Got Hung over by a Hung Guy from Hungary • My Horoscope Sign Is Poop and Yours Is Farts • Nearly Touching Myself with Your Girlfriend’s Hands While Doing the Dishes • Peeing a Farting Swearing Shouting and Pooping in Different Languages Made Me Famous Song • Petite Girls Liked My Fat Farts in Skinny Jeans with Justice • Pooping a Masterpiece in the Little Boys Room on National TV Broadcast • Puerto Del Penis Summer Holiday with Topless Sun Bathing and Surfing Fun • Puking Girls Are Holding Each Others Hair While Selling Butter to Pregnant Vomiting Men • Real Sharks Was a Great Accessory for My Swimming Pool Party Massacre • Relaxing Music for Penis Boys and Vagina Girls, I Have Money Cash, Yes! • Rescuing My Penis from Your Vagina at the Last Minute, Whoah! • Scary Music and Naked Ladies Cemetery Collection Flickering Through Growth • Shaking Sausages in the Men’s Room and Dangling Coconuts • Short Temper Anus Removal with Lipstick on the Collar • Shouting Poopers to Girls While a Crying Man Is Pooping Poop, How Adorable Screaming Babies Are! • Silly Talking Childish Macho Man Thanking Prayers for God’s Food Yes Hello! • Skinny Bitch, Fat Bitch, Rich Bitch, Poor Bitch, All Bitches Poop! • Smelling That Pussy in the Air at the Private Night Club Farting Room • Smudging Chocolate over the Toilet, So Everyone Would Think I Pooped • Sneaking Beans into Your Butthole While U Talk to a Handsome Stranger • Snuggling in Satan’s Satin Sheets with Shattered Dreams and No Boner Song • Solitary Fighting My Big Toe with the Desolate Strangler • Spoiling Desert by Pulling Your Finger Thirteen Times in a Row • Strolling with Morning Wood in the Woods While Mourning to This Song • Stutter and Chinese Food Destroyed My Artwork in the Toilet Bowl Coffee Shop • Sunny Morning Boner at the Beach Gym Towel Rental Song • Surprisingly Soft Boobs on the Milf Statue in the Garden of Jugs, Oh It Was Your Mom Sorry! •

Taming My Daughter’s Boyfriend with Booze and Fists of Agony • Teleporting My Cock to the Urinals Hurts When Peeing Penis Action • That Penis Is Not Mine, Stop Accusing Me of Curing Your Cancer! What • The Brothel Cup Cake Dispenser Had a Variety of Chocolate Brownies Too • The Giggling Killer Was Invited for Tea and Mustard with a Former Laughing Idiot • The Headache Fuckers with Migraine Were Chopping Fucking Painkillers • The Itchy Vampire Vagina Was a Gothic Curse from Medieval Times Song • The Lying Bitch Hermit Ducking Group Was Insisting on Bitch Slaps • The Penis Teens Shouting Squad Declared War on the Vagina Milfs Departure • The Pussy Cock Was Meowing and Cock-a-Doodle-Dooing with Glance • The Singing Orgy Group Remembered My Fancy Birthday Party, Super! • The Sock on My Penis Shook the Genuine Spokesman While Crying Song • The Syphilis Motown Singers Were Blowing Deranged Adultery at Me Song • The Toy Collector’s Mature Attitude Otter Raised Homeland Security Breach • The Triangle of Pussy and Clipping Smoothies Burping Smootch • Typical Asian Food Poured into the Purse of an European Hooker Prostitute Igloo • Under Water Farting Wiz Nick Y Minaj Naked Twerking Shower Saloon Barf Thong • Updating My Profile Picture While Pooping Macaroni with Japanese Subtitles • Using Mother´s Panther Underwear Because of Broken Shopping Bag to the Store • Washing Hamburgers with Dirty Sauce in Leather Pants While Howling • What Ugly Shit on Your Finger! Oh, It’s Your Wedding Ring? It’s Very Nice! • Whistling and Farting a Heavenly Polyphonic Song for Dying Virgins • Violin Licking Sounds by a Hard Baritone Dick Song Licker • Young Girls Selling Old Men´s Boxers in Thongs with Soulful Tutti-Frutti • Your Butthole Swallowed My Telephone, Will It Come out from the Mouth Then? • Your Mom´s Butt Massage Seems Innocent at First, Before Handing out Religious Leaflets

Spotify ♪ Youtube

[xpc-web-dev]

Hi! I have just recently deciding to switch careers and leave the vet industry , go into tech. Have spent past 2 years in tech school to become a vet assistant but after being in my field, I always wondered how it would be like to have a career in tech, ive always thought for so long that being in tech comes w Math and science and i suck at both 🤣🤣🤣. so I’m deciding to enroll myself in a completely online program to become an IT tech yet i have always admired hacking and coding so without getting sooo much into it, which leads me to my question:

- what do I have to do to be in the code career?

- do I have to go to boot camp out of my state or should look into going online completely?

- is coding beginner friendly especially as someone who doesn’t have ABSOLUTE NO IDEA about coding?

Please let me know and I love that I have found a community of women jn the tech industry, it’s pretty inspiring which why I want to go into the tech career.

Hi Stone, first of all welcome to our small and growing community.

I'm glad you're giving yourself this chance to try technology and see if it's for you or go back to vet or even go to art(yes I stalked you UEUHEHUEHUE) and I also thank you for finding my opinion relevant.

As you said that you wanted a career and that you are interested in coding and hacking, here you need to choose which one to prioritize. Because whether back-end, front-end, mobile, fullstack or cybersecurity there will be a lot to study, practice, make mistakes and practice again.

Here I give an addendum that if you don't know what these areas mean in technology, I recommend doing a search, reading and watching videos on youtube about it to see what might please you.

So based on what you've told me, again I think the best first step is to know what you want to prioritize and what you want to make money from.

Because trust me, you won't be able to study everything together at the same time. And if you manage to find an hour, there will be a burnout, so take it easy my friend. (from personal experience)

Even more so if you want a job, it's best to focus on 1 and then move on to others. Then find out what might be best for you / what you most identify with.

I also like hacking, I have books and I have already found courses. But this is something I want to study as a hobby and a safety measure (after all, there's no shortage of motherfuckers doing shit with others with that knowledge). So I put it in the background. Because my priority is money and hacking has work, but not in my country.

Now about entering the code career. Despite being a junior/student, I've seen a lot and I've also learned in these 2 years in the technology community in my country and watching you from the outside, so I can have a more mature view to help you with that.

So let's go:

1) - To know what you need to do to enter your career in code, you need to know how the technology market is in your country.

Because with all these layoffs, we have a lot of professionals with experience and academically well qualified and depending on the country, we currently have more demand for professionals than job offers. (Here in Brazil this is happening, because the layoffs in North America reflected here).

And here I don't want to discourage you, I just want to give you a realistic parameter for you to enter the area without illusions and not get frustrated like me and a bunch of people on the internet. (I wish someone had guided me like that). Because what we have most on social media is people making it seem like programming is easy and getting a job is even easier, or that you're going to earn A LOT since you're just a junior and THAT'S NOT THE REALITY..

BUT all the effort pays off in the end.

Within that, here I think it's cool that you try to observe what vacancies in your country ask for juniors/interns.

From Skills like knowing python to asking college or accepting bootcamp. See what's most in demand out there and within that see if you like what's in demand.

I tell you this, because here in Brazil, for example, we currently have more vacancies for internships (and here you need to be enrolled in a college to do an internship) than for juniors without college and only with bootcamps. So if we want a job around here, the first thing is to go to college and not be completely self-taught. So again, research and study your country's technology market.

In my conception TODAY getting a job in programming without college will be 10x more difficult than in 2020 for example, things have changed. The market now is not lacking developers, quite the contrary, now it has hight demands from developers but not for JOBS.

What the market wants most are senior people (and I've seen seniors I know saying that after layoffs even for them it's more willing to get a job, again supply and demand), but there are still opportunities for us beginners, in some countries there are more and in others less.

Speaking in the sense of the United States from what I observed from the US (content producers and twitter) + my experiences here in Brazil.I don't know the current situation of the technology market in Africa, the rest of Latin America , Asia and Europe.

Of course, you can be lucky and succeed without , but I, for one, got tired of believing that I would be lucky and be one of those people who succeed and changed my strategy to get a job.

Or you could also join a job-guaranteed bootcamp. Check how it works and if you have this type in your country.

And here we come to your second question.

2) The answer is it depends.

For example, will this bootcamp in your state guarantee you a job or is it possible to do an internship at a company or will it connect you with companies after the program?Or is he recognized by technology companies in your state?

If so, I would recommend doing it and dedicating yourself to getting in.

Because look, if they guarantee you an job is even better , you'll just have to study and do what they tell you to get your job.

But if you don't guarantee it, but this training has merit/respect in the market, it also pays off.

Here, I wanted to take the opportunity and talk about apprenticeship.

In our community we have our queen @xiacodes @xiabablog (it's the same person), she did an apprenticeship and today she is a junior developer in UK .

She shared her journey on her blog and is also the most engaged and resource sharing person in our community.

Here I would like to say that FOR ME Apprenticeship is one of the smartest strategies today to get into the technology market.

I myself will start on a Monday and it was my solution to get a job in code by the end of the year. (I'll talk about this in another post too)

So I recommend looking for apprenticeship in your country / state and how they work there.

And obviously observe and read the rules of the program to see if there are any catches that put you in absurd debt or contractual fines.

And see if you can handle it if you have the possibility.

Here I give an addendum that if you find an apprenticeship but that you will earn little in the beginning, for you to analyze well before saying no. Because salary we can evolve after we have experience, the important thing for us juniors/students is to get the first experience and the rest later becomes easier. (At least that's what the Mid /seniors I know say)

Now if in your country you don't have this kind of opportunity, I would recommend trying to see if it would be possible to do bootcamp/online courses + college to get an internship.

And you don't even have to start with paid courses, in my opinion if the bootcamp won't guarantee you a job, it's not worth paying for it. We have a lot of free resources on the internt (youtube biggest school) .

But it's up to you.

Free Courses:

-Freecodecamp

-Odin project (And it has both fullstack with ruby ​​and with node.js. )

For me, paying will only pay off when you don't find quality resources for what you want to study. So I would advise you to always think about whether it pays off or not.

Accessible paid courses:

- Codecademy

- Udemy (there are good courses there and there are always promotions)

+++ Here I also wanted to talk about knowing that public colleges (100% free) are not possible in all countries or when they are, they are very elective and difficult to get into for poor people as it is here in Brazil.

But here despite that, studying A LOT to pass the exams and having worked to save money and support yourself until you get scholarships to support yourself (and if you do), you manage to get into the best colleges that are free and that is more viable than being poor and being able to pay for college in the US, for example.

So I know that it might not be very viable depending on where you live and whether or not you are a resident of the country.

So I don't know if college can be an affordable thing for you, but if not that you can find the best strategy to achieve your financial prosperity in technology!

But if you are from the United States for example, this week I discovered this spotify program: https://fellowship.spotify.com/

The one where they only hire people with bootcamps and not colleges and open in the summer there.

And despite the layoffs, I still think there are more entry level openings there than here HUEHUEEHEU.

3) What do you mean by friendly?

If you mean easy, no, she probably won't be friendly to you at all AND THAT'S OKAY.

As you yourself said that you know absolutely nothing, it will be natural for you to have difficulty, to think about giving up and to make a lot of mistakes to get it right.

It's going to be a process of failing and trying again and again.

NOTHING IS EASY. And since you've already taken a veterinary course, I think you already know that things are really difficult. So this is another reminder that it won't be any different here.

BUT it will end well because EVERYTHING IS LEARNED.

And that also goes for math, if you ever have to deal with it (and if you go to cs college you will) you will make a lot of mistakes, but you will succeed, because EVERYTHING IS LEARNED based on trial and error.

And that doesn't mean you're bad or stupid, just that you're learning something completely from scratch. It won't be overnight that you will understand, it may take months or years, but persisting you will succeed. THIS IS NORMAL.

I cried (literally) to do conditional algorithms in 2021, I banged my head in books, said I would never make it and felt like the biggest dumbass in the world and today 2023 are the easiest things for me. I have no problem making them.

And that was only possible because I didn't give up.

Here I wanted to advise you to start your programming studies with low expectations, to help you manage your frustrations and maybe burnouts. It won't be overnight that you will become the best programmer and do many projects at the level of a senior developer or the people who do tutorials on youtube.

They will be small steps that lead you to your goals in studies. Again, constants.

There are people who could get their ek code jobs in 3 to 6 months of study.

BUT FOR ME, currently having a plan to get an opportunity between 2 years and 4 years (if you actually go to college) study is the healthiest way to pursue your studies and goals. If you get it sooner, even better for you, but if not, you'll be fine with yourself because it's within the period you stipulated.

Finally, I ask you not to take anything I say as absolute truth.

Question what you read Take what I said, analyze it and see how it works in your reality.

I also recommend trying to find women in technology from your country on linkedin and see if they can help you with tips and so on. I feel very good knowing so many Brazilian women in tech since I did this, my network there is composed only of them precisely to create a place without judgment but of welcome and inspiration.

Well, I invested about 3 hours answering the best way I can, I hope you read it and that it helps you.

Anything, if you want to talk more, you can call me in the chat, I'll take a while but I'll answer.

I wish you good studies, discernment to see which is the best path for you and that you stay well! Lots of protection in studies and career.

[madmonkeydisorder]

Yeah!

The world is on fire!

Emotions boiling under koślawy sufit in Turbo peak fire consuming sofa under huge temperature so need to evacuate seating to find chill out the stokes road potholes draining secret tunnels inside your mind silk rotary counteraziem overgrown roots here to the tree..

Ceiling ok?

I worry your full capacity breakup me in half Alf’s covering lamp shade hades radeo eon Leo amadeo!

Leonsjo nefiu listen bisem głosem semiotycznych upartyfiksacja stationary stations status Ty silny beamicrondowody burn evidences yo burn motherfucker burn the roof is on fire!

Firanka działa nie dzida a laguna legumina Ty mina sina dziedzina rodzina nationalizen

Resin soil soul Oi!

Oi!

Roy batty typ dark star in dope show slow down

Get down make love

Love krove

White dove peace on movie travie Transeffamilia

Gięć piec dziesięć piętnaście Gietow a Ashynbeher green glass American night club whisky bar boss got glass ashtrayentity transformers mars Star Wars speedy bumper cars

Last dance remember number rumor semaforum dyktando dopamina dope hope pentones

Krasna jasna górska murowana mova trava Miele languicz flexi Xiono onyxy Styksu supły sanie Sanoka Nuka cola boją Troya nie boją się boksują

Wymiotniki deklinacja przymiotnika styki kilka klika klinika zdrowia psychicznego karta horo owa uparta pełna vital signes on the ambulances driving nearest A&E all night waiting list piss off!

Service police & prison officers probation and on top of that diploma resotialisation so correction institution this fight lasting whistle ratting chimney wind bells bumping in dumb booms about hostacia ststion to station automation my inkarnatiohm ohm soho koko koka oko yoko ono nome om ohm mmm!

Resinnerd dork red racing sunglasses raise my confidence in appearance I look so good these days say how are you today day by day may I have your name dame Americankapadocja stacja do stacji akcji am mama ama don’t like me since I told her off defending my best mate to save her name bully got mouthy hyperminimalis noisensesionz lii I bee maya haha ale jaja haja jak stąd do Ok do miasta jeden chuj lub autobus odchódzi pod Radom uff śladem Ziuty!

Ziuta gdzie jesteś!? Ześlij gromy ogromny thunder burdel pogrzebane bany za jazdy

Travska braki uzupełnia full moon punkt punki kicalifornikation ionic iOS Nicon kicamerki kinglish klishes per lashes Paris in first trip to Paris hot summer out of cage our prison son and daughter left building finding gold but I found London Town seeking zero line slime taktyki

Statystyki styki trybiki rybnicki oddział psychiatryczny niebezpieczne typy creepy Monty Python visualisual resultants observation starvation resistation transportation aus gang nam style ay!

Hay! High?

Are you high!?

Yay I’m gay!

Gay! Im gay too!

You know I will tell you a secret. I’m lesbian too..

Fuck off you fuck fuck off lesbian? I see that mini dickhead won’t be here in the morning

Yeah! That’s right!

Let’s stuff the pipe smoking morning cloudozole

Howl!

[clown-reads-homestuck]

1-50

First real post of my readthrough of homestuck! Just getting right into it.

It's so funny that some random user just named his ass John Egbert.

I really miss the style of just importing really crusty jpegs of real objects into your artwork. It speaks to the mid 2000s newgrounds user that still dwells in my decrepit soul. We should bring this back.

This seems like a nightmare of a narrative device to write around. Though I guess I understand it because it kinda deters just picking up everything.

Do it John. Shit on your desk. This animation is super cute though.

What the hell is the background image supposed to be on this. Also GODS I would kill for a computer screen like this.

Having war flashbacks to when my IRL WoW friends would use the term loot in public like it was nothing. This is the real relic of this era. Also what the fuck kind of username is turntechGodhead. It's probably a reference I'm not getting but I've never seen the term godhead used outside of elder scrolls lore.

This is so quaint in 2023, I mean who doesn't know what piss tastes like. Also this whole exchange makes absolutely no sense if you haven't seen Little Monster starring Howie Mandel and Fred Savage. does Howie pee in a kids mouth in that movie???

I have vague memories of people talking about monocles so much more often when I was a growing up. I feel like the internet had more of a fascination for them back then because fake rich people made us less pants shittingly angry. Also this is such an early 2010s level humor joke jeez.

I thought this motherfucker was TOM from Toonami. Also COOL CLICKABLE pages, I didn't even know this had that. Least not this early on.

This hideous book is a joy to look at. It reminds me of the weird intermission screens in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I misread this as making me so hard all the time. I almost blacked out.

This is a lot more word salady than I expected. That's not really a negative though

Not gonna lie a magazine like this would do numbers nowadays. It's kind of weird that a little bit of bro culture kinda just became normal culture for dudes generally. I wonder Andrew Hussie had something specifically against GamePro at the time or if it was just for the pun. Also John why do you own this magazine.

Yooo CLOWN TIME. I guess Harlequins in this case but still I didn't expect clown stuff to start showing up this early. I know Hussie is a clown eboy or something nowadays so I knew they had to be in this.

I would be bing chilling in this living room dude, this is so cozy. Also wtf does John's dad do to afford this happening pad.

Final page! This is pretty fun so far. Stare into the flames John, let your hate go stronger.

Till next time anyone who actually reads this blog!

[pr3ttyb0y123]

One Round

A short story I wrote (warning: contains gun violence and suicide)

So, this is it.

We’ve locked all of the doors. We’ve boarded up every window. They’re still pounding on the walls like heavy rain from hell.

When the news started talking about some viral disease turning everyone into zombies, I thought it was a prank. Some jackass teenagers hijacking the local station to give old people heart attacks. I mean, zombies? Motherfucking zombies? Who would believe that? I still wouldn’t if they weren’t right outside.

When I first saw them myself, I thought I could just pick up my Revolver and shoot until the problem was solved. Like some action flick where I blow shit up until rescue comes and it’s all over. Seems pretty fucking stupid now. There’s so many I wouldn’t even have to aim. I could fire with a damn blindfold and still hit a few. If there was enough ammo left, that is. Only stocked enough to kill a couple intruders, not a couple THOUSAND.

I look over at Jacob and he’s still panicking. I try to comfort him.

“Maybe…the military’s gonna save us?” I say.

“It’s been five days, Carrie, shouldn’t they be here already? They’re not coming. We’re gonna die! We’re gonna die…” he says, before breaking down into tears. I grab him by the shoulders.

“Hey hey hey, it’s gonna be…..it’s…” I trail off and let go of him. I can’t finish my sentence, because we both know it’s not true.

Good thing we decided to move in together just in time for the apocalypse. I can’t imagine going through this alone. Nice having someone to hold while it all goes to hell. But I know that “eternal love” or whatever bullshit isn’t going to save us, and those corpses outside couldn’t give less of a fuck even if I got on one knee and proposed right now. The boards on the doors and windows have been creaking louder and louder each day, and sooner or later, they’re gonna break.

“You were always the brave one,” Jacob says suddenly. “Even when the world is burning around us, you’re still so calm. Not me. You know me, always a nervous wreck, panicking over everything,” He scoffs. “Like last week, when our savings account was empty-”

“-And it was just a mistake some intern made. We had our money back the next day” I finish, gripping his hand. “Worrying doesn’t help anyone. Just relax.”

“You say that like it’s a choice.”

I try to think of a response, but I blank.

I stand up and walk over to the kitchen counter where I left the Revolver and I fiddle with it out of boredom. I remember this gun, first real one I ever held. Before then, my dad used to let me use an airsoft and shoot down empty soda cans off the porch. Broke a window one time, and mom was pissed. She threw out my airsoft so I couldn’t cause any more damage. So, as soon as I had the money, I went out and bought a real gun. I was looking through the options when one of them caught my eye: a Generation 1 Colt Python with a 6-inch barrel. This was after Gen 1 was discontinued and before they started making Gen 2, so getting one of these wasn’t easy. I picked it up, and as soon as I felt the weight and power in my hands, I knew I had to have it.

Spent every last penny I had on that Revolver, and I’d do it again. I wasn’t old enough to buy a gun, not that the guy at the counter gave a shit. Didn’t even ask for an ID, just said “Have fun, kid”. Money is money, I guess. Couldn’t afford any ammo at the time, so I would just go to my room and point it around like a fuckin’ moron. Embarrassing to think about now.

 As I spin the cylinder, I realize that it’s not empty. My heart skips a beat. Jacob looks at me.

“What is it?” He asks.

“It’s…got a couple rounds left in it. Y’know, one for each of us.” I say hastily, setting down the Revolver.

“Don’t lie to me, Carrie, I can see the look on your face. It’s empty, isn’t it?”

“Well…not exactly. There’s one round left.”

Even with those corpses banging on every surface, it feels silent.

“You should take it,” He blurts out.

“Jacob, I-”

“I don’t want you to suffer.”

“I don’t want you to suffer, either, Jacob! You said yourself that I’m the brave one. I can deal with being eaten by those freaks, you can’t.”

“I’ll manage. Besides, I couldn’t shoot myself anyway. I’m too much of a coward.”

I look into his eyes. I can tell he’s trying to be strong, but something tells me he can’t handle it.

“Are you sure?” I ask. He breaks eye contact.

“Yeah, I’m-”

“Jacob, look at me. Look me in the eyes. Are you sure?”

“...yes.” His voice quivers as he speaks, but I don’t think I can change his mind.

“Fine.” I say defeated. “If you’re so hell-bent, then I’ll take the bullet.”

I grab the Revolver and spin the cylinder back in place. We sit down on the floor up against the wall. We hug and kiss each other one last time. I grab his hand and hold it tightly, and he does the same.

“I love you,” He says.

“I love you too.” I respond as I pull back the hammer.

“I can’t look at you while you do it.” He closes his eyes and turns his head away.

“That’s okay.”

I pull the trigger.

BANG

Jacob slumps over.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t stand the thought of those bastards tearing him apart. His screams in my head drowned out everything else.

I look over at Jacob. All the blood pooling on the hardwood floor and all the blood on my shirt. I feel like I’m gonna puke once I realize they’re still gonna eat him. Dead or alive, food is food. But he won’t feel it. That’s the important part. My eyes start watering, but I blink it away. Tough girls don’t cry. I need to be brave, it’s what he’d want me to do.

I put the Revolver in my pocket and stand up. I walk over to the couch and reach under it, pulling out the bottle of Jack Daniel’s I had to hide after I told Jacob I stopped drinking. Guess I was telling the truth, in a sense: I stopped drinking while he was home.

I sit down on the right side of the couch and toss the Revolver into the middle seat. I screw off the lid of the bottle and start drinking. The seconds feel like hours, and the minutes feel like seconds. This house seems less like a home and more like a coffin.

I look at the Revolver, and the longer I look at it, the more I start to hate it. For what I did, how I broke my promise to Jacob. How he’s dead because of me. I could have just shot myself and been done with it, but no, I had to play the hero and ‘save’ him. But I know he would’ve broken. How he’d weep at the sight of my body, and how he’d shriek when they finally got in. I’d do it again.

Only now do I realize that, this whole time, the zombies have been quiet. Sure, they’re banging their fists on the walls and trying to shake every board loose, but they have no voice. They don’t moan or growl or gnash their teeth. Just walk forward and eat.

I hear wooden boards snapping, and feet shuffling inside.

“Well, shit.”

[tickles-tea]

You’re welcome! And nice!! Also huh neat! I think that’s the kinda ball python a friend of mine irl had… idk for sure since I never asked. They look similar though. Also since you put it the tags I won’t mention the name you said here but… that’s so cute lol!! And also somehow fitting… if that makes sense?

IKR in my freshman year of high school I suddenly got obsessed with getting a pet snake and researched like crazy what ones would be good for a complete snake newbie like me and one of the things said corn snakes. So I looked into it more and found that blizzard corn snakes were the prettiest imo.

Honestly when I first laid eyes on a pic of a blizzard corn snake the name came to me… like I didn’t pick it out per se -ish. I just saw the pic, was momentarily stunned then had a thought of something like “IMMA NAME HIM ALMOND!!”. And that name has stuck since then… I can’t picture naming my future snake anything else now (as lame as that sounds LOL). Also neat x2… if you don’t mind me asking where’d you some hatch? (Plz ignore the fact I just wrote a ton in reply… I haven’t gotten to mention my boi Almond to anyone in a while and got excited lol)

Thank you haha it was supposed to be a place holder name until I got a feel for his personality but it stuck ahshsksk 🙃

Good on you for doing your research!! That makes me so happy to hear 😭 also good call on choosing a corn snake over a ball python LMAO I love my boys but I’m going to have grey hair before I hit 30 bc of them orz

Omfg Almond is such a cute name!! Especially for a snake bc people get so freaked out even when the motherfucker’s name is a nut ahsvhsjsksk 

As for where I saw them hatch, I know the owner of the local reptile shop so she shows me the cool stuff they have cooking in the back sometimes :3

Also don’t even worry about rambling!! I fucking,,,love talking about snakes and reptiles in general so much

[shmreduplication]

still reviewing the Python course and got to this:

Python automatically assigns a variable the appropriate datatype based on the value it is given. A variable with the value 7 is an integer, 7. is a float, and "7" is a string.

and like yeah, exactly. Lil Python can guess if something is an int or float or string based on the formatting and gives an error if you mix formats. Meanwhile, Big C# /can't/ guess, he only knows if your formatting is correct if you tell him what datatype you're providing. Boy needs some motherfucking context before he can do work for you, which, tbh, that's fair. Like I can't tell you if a 1000 is big or small unless I have some context. It's a large number when talking about living rhinos in a local population but a smallish number when talking about the weight of a car in kilograms

OK i'm reviewing the python course and it is making me be less mad at C# because I am personifying them as brothers

C# is the older brother who was an oops baby born w/in one year of the parents getting married, and he has subsequently never gotten enough sleep

Python is the baby brother who was born right, like Azula in Ozai's eyes. The parents learned from their mistakes with C# and applied that knowledge to raising Python but never went back to set things right with C#

and that's why you can set a string with python like

item = "this is a string"

and it automatically knows the item is a string

but for C# you have to tell it it's a string like this

string item = "this is a string"

poor boy was never properly taught how to recognize a string so you have to tell him it's a string every single time, and it's exhausting and frustrating and annoying, but I'm less mad about it now thru the power of personification

[thepioden]

How is it my reptiles, everytime I provide a fresh container of water even it is even SLIGHTLY feasible they can soak in, immediately dump 80% of the contents and totally fog up their glass. They do it on rotation, I swear. The bearded dragon is the culprit this time.

[tinyrosemarysparrows]

Guess who spent the entire night scratching at the back of his terrarium, climbing it, and falling down only to climb up again? Very loudly? For twelve hours?

If you guessed my horrible, terrible moldy orange son then you are correct. He’s too stupid to negotiate with, either, so he’s been torturing me since I put him in yesterday evening.

[thesharktanksdriver]

Sharky incorrect quotes

Y/n, Ghost and soap

Sharky: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Ghost?

Ghost: … No.

Soap: I do!

Sharky: I know, Soap.

Soap: I’m sad!

Sharky: I know, Soap.

Sharky, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Ghost: You did WHAT–

Soap: William Snakepeare

Ghost: I know you snuck out last night, Sharky.

Soap: Play dumb!

Sharky: Who's Sharky?

Soap: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

Sharky: What do you think Soap will do for a distraction?

Ghost: he’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Ghost: ... or he could do that.

Sharky: Don't worry, I got a plan.

Ghost: Alright.

Sharky: TraitorSayWhat?

Soap: Excuse me?

Sharky: What?

Ghost:

Sharky:

Sharky: No wait-

Sharky: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Soap: The car takes a screenshot.

Ghost: For the last time, get the fuck out.

Y/n, Price and Gaz

Price, negotiating with kidnapper: We have Sharky. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed

Sharky: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars?

Price :

Sharky: MAKE IT ONE MILLION–

Price: SHARKY STOP

Sharky, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.

Price: Okay

Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink?

Sharky: Orange soda, please!

Price: I'll have the strawberry soda.

Gaz: Me too, strawberry soda.

Sharky:

Price: While I’m gone, Sharky, you’re in charge.

Sharky: Yes!!!

Price, whispering: Gaz, you’re secretly in charge.

Gaz: Obviously.

Gaz: Why are you on the floor?

Sharky: I'm depressed.

Sharky: Also I was stabbed, can you get Price, please.

Sharky: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Price: If?

Gaz: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die.

Entire team

Soap: Favorite horror movie?

Price: It

Gaz: Saw

Ghost: Annabelle

Sharky: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

Sharky: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Price: ... Your what?

Sharky: My friends.

Gaz: Are they saying “friends��?

Ghost: I think they're being sarcastic.

Soap: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Sharky! All of your friends are in this room.

Sharky: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

Sharky: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Price: 'Prettiest Smile'

Gaz: 'Nicest Personality'

Soap: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Ghost: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Sharky: What does 'take out' mean?

Price: Food.

Gaz: Dating

Ghost: Murder

Soap: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Soap: Good morning.

Price: Good morning.

Gaz: Good morning.

Ghost: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Sharky: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

Price: Anyone d-

Sharky: Depressed?

Gaz: Drained?

Ghost: Dumb?

Soap: Disliked?

Price: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...

Sharky: I’m an idiot.

Price:

Gaz:

Ghost:

Soap:

Sharky:

Price: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

*Everyone is giving advice to Sharky *

Gaz: It's okay to ask for help.

Soap: You're not a burden.

Ghost: Murder is okay.

Price: Your feelings matter.

[centuriantalevevo]

For context: I headcanon Draco has MANY exotic animals as pets, some of which being a King Cobra (King), and a Boa Constrictor (Sniper) who oddly get along very well and like.. do not like being separated.

Bonus: he has 2 Burmese pythons, the oldest (an adult) is named Ceasar... and is a girl.. yes Ceasar as in Ceasat Salad. Her full name is, in fact, Ceasar Salad, and his reason was he couldn't think of anything better... the youngest (a juvenile. Definitely not full size yet hence why Draco will be appointing her flower girl) is named Burma.

He also has a cobalt blue (tarantula) who he oh so creatively named Cobalt, he has a Candy Cane cornsnake he for some reason named Jalapeño, and an Albino Cornsnake he named Fettuccine. He laughed for a good hour while picking those names and it stuck. Jalapeño and Fettuccine are also siblings- a brother and a sister. Guess which is the brother and which is the sister. (Spoiler alert: Jalapeño is the sister)

Don't ask why he named some of his pets after food.

He has a ball python he named Bob. The most human name and so far the most normal snake he has... Bob is a girl too lmao- he named her Bob before he found out she was a girl but he decided not to change it so whenever he tells people about her he's just "Yeah I love Bob, she's my pet snake-" "SHE?" "Y e a h."

Anyways!

Draco, casually just: yeah I'm working on helping King get the courage to propose to Sniper... they're dating right now but he wants to marry her one day.

Hermione: wait... your snakes... you're... doing a wedding for them... snakes can't even be in love?!

Draco: BUT THEY CAN! And when the day comes literally everyone in the school is invited to the wedding, doesn't matter if I like you or hate you. It doesn't matter if you hate me, you'll end up going out of morbid curiosity on what a snake wedding looks like! And then you're just stuck there looking at a small venue for animals with bigger seats for the humans in the back!

Blaise: who will be the flower girl?

Draco: Burma will

Blaise: she's gigantic tho?

Draco: she still young! The ring bearer will be Cobalt!

Theo: THAT'S A SPIDER-

Ron: A S P I D E R ? !

Draco: I DON'T CARE!

Halo: you're the priest!

Draco: No, I walk Sniper down the aisle! Ceasar is the priest

Halo: who?

Hermione: I'm oddly invested in the snake love story.

Blaise: I get excited and scream for Theo saying season 3 came out only to be disappointed that they STILL haven't gotten married with a thousand children yet.

Draco: ceasar is my oldest Burmese python

Halo: did this motherfucker just go to southeast Asia or Florida to yoink a Burmese python?

Draco: that would be Burma. I found a Burmese egg and yoinked it and that's how she's here now. I volunteered in Florida for a time to help with your uh... Everglades situation

Halo: aw, thanks you're so kind!~

Draco: Ceasar, her original owner was going to abandon her because she got to big so I offered to take her since... they're invasive outside of southeast Asia.

Halo: ceasar like the salad?

Draco: y e s

Draco: anyways, everyone is invited to the wedding. Extra info: Sniper is a boa constrictor

Blaise: an unlikely romance!~

Halo: I'm not even surprised. You have a whole ass king cobra on your shoulder. Hearing you have a boa is the most normal thing I've heard you say all day.

Draco: I have an Asian forest scorpion aka an emperor scorpion

Halo: I WANNA SEE- I kinda wanted to get that instead of a cornsnake.

Idfk bro

[radiosummons]

Am I turning my whole schtick into "the guy who knows too much about Tarre Vizsla?"

Cause I feel like for a character with little to no screen presence, I've been having to bat harder for him in the past 3 days than I have for literally any other SW character ever.

Even more so than Anakin.

I mean, I know why I personally care about Tarre so much. But like ... I wasn't expecting people to just keep forgetting the most obvious, in your face fact about him: he's a motherfucking Jedi and never stopped being one, even after he became Manda'lor.

I feel like I have to set up a Tarre Vizsla shrine and a basic information pamphlet for whoever stumbles across my Mandalorian-Monty Python shitpost now wtf