#rai internal review

[weregreatatcrime]

I'm sick and rereading Two Halves and I know I leave a lot (A LOT) of stuff in the end notes but there's actually lots of stuff I still never mention or talk about so here's a long sick at 4am ramble about things I didn't get the chance to talk about but wanted to (in somewhat of an order reminded by rereading) or at least just some lines I particularly enjoyed

So here it is! Chapter Commentary ch1 let's goooo

"She felt pity for the scientist. What was it like to be so ignorant you slept deeply even with a ticking bomb around your neck?" <- She actually feels some envy, even if she won't admit it, because Karai has never slept this soundly in her Life much less in a dangerous situation. She's puzzled by normal people's ability to NOT be on guard 24/7 but wishes she could sleep that nice

I REALLY AM a huge huge fan of this trope, the "X character was SECRETLY Y hidden monster species all along!" because of the amount of interpersonal shenanigans it can cause. This AU is a bit of a new one for me because most of the shenanigans are actually action packed over straight up personal drama haha

I like to think the cut Karai left on Stockman’s jaw in ch1 ended up scarring so he has a Cool AU Marker to tell him apart

That collar looks So uncomfortable Stockman how do you sleep in that thing

I guesstimate in later chapters that Karai is about 600lbs in her changeling form, but likely she weighs more (before losing a couple dozen pounds to injuries). Basically, she nearly busted Stockman’s desk sitting on it like that but she's prone to Sitting On Things when stressed. The height advantage gives her comfort

The way Karai speaks to Stockman in chapter 1 is deliberately very formal and unlike her. She's approaching it as both a potential professional deal and as a potential massive risk, so Stockman is actually about one wrong sentence away from being killed this entire chapter. He only realizes this way way way later. Karai relaxes her way of speaking to him later a TON and we see that she talks pretty casually with him by the end

Stockman staring at her curiously, Karai bristling over it. He's a scientist and she's a new creature he hasn't seen yet! But Karai is specifically Never Supposed To Be Seen. Staring makes her very very twitchy (stabby)

“You have plenty of choices. You just don’t want to play with your life enough to try for all of them. I can respect that.”

"When it was just your own life on the line, it was easy to gamble with it." <- There's two ways to interpret this. One: When your life is on the line, you'll do anything to win. Two: When just YOUR life on the line, you'll do anything to win. The first is Stockman, who is only in it for himself, who can afford to risk it all. The second is Karai, who has Miwa to think of, and therefore the only thing Karai HAS to risk is her OWN life, because Miwa’s comes first.

Technically the Kraang are a bigger threat than Gumm-Gumms, but because Karai's own priorities revolve around Miwa and herself, Gumm-Gumms are the far more important threat

“She’s your collar.” [Miwa] I just love this so much like Stockman caught on IMMEDIATELY and compared it to his situation in a heartbeat and realized in all of thirty seconds that Karai is just as much at gunpoint as he is

Karai loves her human form only in that it's technically Miwa. Otherwise, she fucking hates it. It's weaker, softer, squishier, her senses are awful, and changelings get Very Twitchy (Stabby) when they're forced to be in one form for too long. In a ninja compound, Karai doesn't get to use her natural form NEARLY enough

Karai’s chest scar isn't actually present in her human form. But she gets phantom pains

Karai is that meme of crying her heart out for ten minutes and then her alarms go off and she's back to working without any issue. Gotta be efficient with your breakdowns

Karai projecting right off the bat that the Hamatos will hate her purely for being what she is. This is both from experience and from her own feelings. Aha 💔

It took you 15 chapters honey but you finally killed Shredder 🧡

I dislike a lot of the turns of phrase in here. I have cognitive difficulties and getting back into writing after two years of struggling just to function, that's been most evident with getting words to go together the way they should. Sometimes there's certain ways I know words need to go together but I can't remember how? Or I get the entire sentence scrambled and have to go back later and reorganize. The intent is there, but the words get literally out of order. I spend a good few runs going over chapters to iron out those kinks but this early on it's especially easy for me to see where I was struggling on some parts. Fortunately practice makes perfect and even just a few chapters later there's a lot of improvement!

Suck it, health issues! I've been working hard to get my body back and now my mind is on the right track too!

Notable comments this chapter that made me giggle

[thishadoscarbuzz]

268 - Shattered Glass (with Richard Lawson!)

Hayden Christensen arrived seemingly out of nowhere to land the role of pre-Vader Anakin Skywalker, becoming one of Hollywood's hottest stars overnight and largely untested as a screen presence. After a respected turn in Life As A House (see previous episode!), the Attack of the Clones reviews soured audiences on this brand new star. The very next year, he gave a terrific performance in Shattered Glass as journalist Stephen Glass who famously fabricated stories for The New Republic. But awards bodies overlooked Christensen's work and instead nominated the rising Peter Sarsgaard as Glass' pseudo-rival Chuck Lane.

This episode, we talk about the Entertainment Weekly It List that was Christensen's first debut post-Star Wars casting and his return to the franchise. We also talk about director/writer Billy Ray, Sarsgaard's near nomination here, and journalism movies that were successful with Oscar.

Topics also include working with fact checkers, college group watch television, and the 2003 Independent Spirit Awards.

Links:

The 2003 Academy Awards

Vulture Movies Fantasy League

Subscribe:

Patreon

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Apple Podcasts

Google Play

[mostlysignssomeportents]

“Humans in the loop” must detect the hardest-to-spot errors, at superhuman speed

I'm touring my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me SATURDAY (Apr 27) in MARIN COUNTY, then Winnipeg (May 2), Calgary (May 3), Vancouver (May 4), and beyond!

If AI has a future (a big if), it will have to be economically viable. An industry can't spend 1,700% more on Nvidia chips than it earns indefinitely – not even with Nvidia being a principle investor in its largest customers:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39883571

A company that pays 0.36-1 cents/query for electricity and (scarce, fresh) water can't indefinitely give those queries away by the millions to people who are expected to revise those queries dozens of times before eliciting the perfect botshit rendition of "instructions for removing a grilled cheese sandwich from a VCR in the style of the King James Bible":

https://www.semianalysis.com/p/the-inference-cost-of-search-disruption

Eventually, the industry will have to uncover some mix of applications that will cover its operating costs, if only to keep the lights on in the face of investor disillusionment (this isn't optional – investor disillusionment is an inevitable part of every bubble).

Now, there are lots of low-stakes applications for AI that can run just fine on the current AI technology, despite its many – and seemingly inescapable - errors ("hallucinations"). People who use AI to generate illustrations of their D&D characters engaged in epic adventures from their previous gaming session don't care about the odd extra finger. If the chatbot powering a tourist's automatic text-to-translation-to-speech phone tool gets a few words wrong, it's still much better than the alternative of speaking slowly and loudly in your own language while making emphatic hand-gestures.

There are lots of these applications, and many of the people who benefit from them would doubtless pay something for them. The problem – from an AI company's perspective – is that these aren't just low-stakes, they're also low-value. Their users would pay something for them, but not very much.

For AI to keep its servers on through the coming trough of disillusionment, it will have to locate high-value applications, too. Economically speaking, the function of low-value applications is to soak up excess capacity and produce value at the margins after the high-value applications pay the bills. Low-value applications are a side-dish, like the coach seats on an airplane whose total operating expenses are paid by the business class passengers up front. Without the principle income from high-value applications, the servers shut down, and the low-value applications disappear:

https://locusmag.com/2023/12/commentary-cory-doctorow-what-kind-of-bubble-is-ai/

Now, there are lots of high-value applications the AI industry has identified for its products. Broadly speaking, these high-value applications share the same problem: they are all high-stakes, which means they are very sensitive to errors. Mistakes made by apps that produce code, drive cars, or identify cancerous masses on chest X-rays are extremely consequential.

Some businesses may be insensitive to those consequences. Air Canada replaced its human customer service staff with chatbots that just lied to passengers, stealing hundreds of dollars from them in the process. But the process for getting your money back after you are defrauded by Air Canada's chatbot is so onerous that only one passenger has bothered to go through it, spending ten weeks exhausting all of Air Canada's internal review mechanisms before fighting his case for weeks more at the regulator:

https://bc.ctvnews.ca/air-canada-s-chatbot-gave-a-b-c-man-the-wrong-information-now-the-airline-has-to-pay-for-the-mistake-1.6769454

There's never just one ant. If this guy was defrauded by an AC chatbot, so were hundreds or thousands of other fliers. Air Canada doesn't have to pay them back. Air Canada is tacitly asserting that, as the country's flagship carrier and near-monopolist, it is too big to fail and too big to jail, which means it's too big to care.

Air Canada shows that for some business customers, AI doesn't need to be able to do a worker's job in order to be a smart purchase: a chatbot can replace a worker, fail to their worker's job, and still save the company money on balance.

I can't predict whether the world's sociopathic monopolists are numerous and powerful enough to keep the lights on for AI companies through leases for automation systems that let them commit consequence-free free fraud by replacing workers with chatbots that serve as moral crumple-zones for furious customers:

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563219304029

But even stipulating that this is sufficient, it's intrinsically unstable. Anything that can't go on forever eventually stops, and the mass replacement of humans with high-speed fraud software seems likely to stoke the already blazing furnace of modern antitrust:

https://www.eff.org/de/deeplinks/2021/08/party-its-1979-og-antitrust-back-baby

Of course, the AI companies have their own answer to this conundrum. A high-stakes/high-value customer can still fire workers and replace them with AI – they just need to hire fewer, cheaper workers to supervise the AI and monitor it for "hallucinations." This is called the "human in the loop" solution.

The human in the loop story has some glaring holes. From a worker's perspective, serving as the human in the loop in a scheme that cuts wage bills through AI is a nightmare – the worst possible kind of automation.

Let's pause for a little detour through automation theory here. Automation can augment a worker. We can call this a "centaur" – the worker offloads a repetitive task, or one that requires a high degree of vigilance, or (worst of all) both. They're a human head on a robot body (hence "centaur"). Think of the sensor/vision system in your car that beeps if you activate your turn-signal while a car is in your blind spot. You're in charge, but you're getting a second opinion from the robot.

Likewise, consider an AI tool that double-checks a radiologist's diagnosis of your chest X-ray and suggests a second look when its assessment doesn't match the radiologist's. Again, the human is in charge, but the robot is serving as a backstop and helpmeet, using its inexhaustible robotic vigilance to augment human skill.

That's centaurs. They're the good automation. Then there's the bad automation: the reverse-centaur, when the human is used to augment the robot.

Amazon warehouse pickers stand in one place while robotic shelving units trundle up to them at speed; then, the haptic bracelets shackled around their wrists buzz at them, directing them pick up specific items and move them to a basket, while a third automation system penalizes them for taking toilet breaks or even just walking around and shaking out their limbs to avoid a repetitive strain injury. This is a robotic head using a human body – and destroying it in the process.

An AI-assisted radiologist processes fewer chest X-rays every day, costing their employer more, on top of the cost of the AI. That's not what AI companies are selling. They're offering hospitals the power to create reverse centaurs: radiologist-assisted AIs. That's what "human in the loop" means.

This is a problem for workers, but it's also a problem for their bosses (assuming those bosses actually care about correcting AI hallucinations, rather than providing a figleaf that lets them commit fraud or kill people and shift the blame to an unpunishable AI).

Humans are good at a lot of things, but they're not good at eternal, perfect vigilance. Writing code is hard, but performing code-review (where you check someone else's code for errors) is much harder – and it gets even harder if the code you're reviewing is usually fine, because this requires that you maintain your vigilance for something that only occurs at rare and unpredictable intervals:

https://twitter.com/qntm/status/1773779967521780169

But for a coding shop to make the cost of an AI pencil out, the human in the loop needs to be able to process a lot of AI-generated code. Replacing a human with an AI doesn't produce any savings if you need to hire two more humans to take turns doing close reads of the AI's code.

This is the fatal flaw in robo-taxi schemes. The "human in the loop" who is supposed to keep the murderbot from smashing into other cars, steering into oncoming traffic, or running down pedestrians isn't a driver, they're a driving instructor. This is a much harder job than being a driver, even when the student driver you're monitoring is a human, making human mistakes at human speed. It's even harder when the student driver is a robot, making errors at computer speed:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/01/human-in-the-loop/#monkey-in-the-middle

This is why the doomed robo-taxi company Cruise had to deploy 1.5 skilled, high-paid human monitors to oversee each of its murderbots, while traditional taxis operate at a fraction of the cost with a single, precaratized, low-paid human driver:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/11/robots-stole-my-jerb/#computer-says-no

The vigilance problem is pretty fatal for the human-in-the-loop gambit, but there's another problem that is, if anything, even more fatal: the kinds of errors that AIs make.

Foundationally, AI is applied statistics. An AI company trains its AI by feeding it a lot of data about the real world. The program processes this data, looking for statistical correlations in that data, and makes a model of the world based on those correlations. A chatbot is a next-word-guessing program, and an AI "art" generator is a next-pixel-guessing program. They're drawing on billions of documents to find the most statistically likely way of finishing a sentence or a line of pixels in a bitmap:

https://dl.acm.org/doi/10.1145/3442188.3445922

This means that AI doesn't just make errors – it makes subtle errors, the kinds of errors that are the hardest for a human in the loop to spot, because they are the most statistically probable ways of being wrong. Sure, we notice the gross errors in AI output, like confidently claiming that a living human is dead:

https://www.tomsguide.com/opinion/according-to-chatgpt-im-dead

But the most common errors that AIs make are the ones we don't notice, because they're perfectly camouflaged as the truth. Think of the recurring AI programming error that inserts a call to a nonexistent library called "huggingface-cli," which is what the library would be called if developers reliably followed naming conventions. But due to a human inconsistency, the real library has a slightly different name. The fact that AIs repeatedly inserted references to the nonexistent library opened up a vulnerability – a security researcher created a (inert) malicious library with that name and tricked numerous companies into compiling it into their code because their human reviewers missed the chatbot's (statistically indistinguishable from the the truth) lie:

https://www.theregister.com/2024/03/28/ai_bots_hallucinate_software_packages/

For a driving instructor or a code reviewer overseeing a human subject, the majority of errors are comparatively easy to spot, because they're the kinds of errors that lead to inconsistent library naming – places where a human behaved erratically or irregularly. But when reality is irregular or erratic, the AI will make errors by presuming that things are statistically normal.

These are the hardest kinds of errors to spot. They couldn't be harder for a human to detect if they were specifically designed to go undetected. The human in the loop isn't just being asked to spot mistakes – they're being actively deceived. The AI isn't merely wrong, it's constructing a subtle "what's wrong with this picture"-style puzzle. Not just one such puzzle, either: millions of them, at speed, which must be solved by the human in the loop, who must remain perfectly vigilant for things that are, by definition, almost totally unnoticeable.

This is a special new torment for reverse centaurs – and a significant problem for AI companies hoping to accumulate and keep enough high-value, high-stakes customers on their books to weather the coming trough of disillusionment.

This is pretty grim, but it gets grimmer. AI companies have argued that they have a third line of business, a way to make money for their customers beyond automation's gifts to their payrolls: they claim that they can perform difficult scientific tasks at superhuman speed, producing billion-dollar insights (new materials, new drugs, new proteins) at unimaginable speed.

However, these claims – credulously amplified by the non-technical press – keep on shattering when they are tested by experts who understand the esoteric domains in which AI is said to have an unbeatable advantage. For example, Google claimed that its Deepmind AI had discovered "millions of new materials," "equivalent to nearly 800 years’ worth of knowledge," constituting "an order-of-magnitude expansion in stable materials known to humanity":

https://deepmind.google/discover/blog/millions-of-new-materials-discovered-with-deep-learning/

It was a hoax. When independent material scientists reviewed representative samples of these "new materials," they concluded that "no new materials have been discovered" and that not one of these materials was "credible, useful and novel":

https://www.404media.co/google-says-it-discovered-millions-of-new-materials-with-ai-human-researchers/

As Brian Merchant writes, AI claims are eerily similar to "smoke and mirrors" – the dazzling reality-distortion field thrown up by 17th century magic lantern technology, which millions of people ascribed wild capabilities to, thanks to the outlandish claims of the technology's promoters:

https://www.bloodinthemachine.com/p/ai-really-is-smoke-and-mirrors

The fact that we have a four-hundred-year-old name for this phenomenon, and yet we're still falling prey to it is frankly a little depressing. And, unlucky for us, it turns out that AI therapybots can't help us with this – rather, they're apt to literally convince us to kill ourselves:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkadgm/man-dies-by-suicide-after-talking-with-ai-chatbot-widow-says

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/23/maximal-plausibility/#reverse-centaurs

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[calabria-mediterranea]

Italy: Public service RAI becomes a “megaphone” of the government

Public service broadcaster RAI has decided to grant ministers and undersecretaries unrestricted airtime on its programs when referring to institutional matters. On 11 April, journalists and news hosts on the main channels of RAI interrupted news programs to read a statement from the Rai Union of Journalists (USIGRai) statement explaining RAI’s new policy, and condemning it, comparing RAI to the government’s “megaphone”. The International and European Federations of Journalists (IFJ-EFJ) together with their affiliate the Federazione Nazionale Stampa Italiana (FNSI) condemn this further attempt to politicise public information services for propaganda purposes and demand that RAI respects fundamental journalistic principles.

“The government majority has decided to transform RAI into its own megaphone,” so began the speech of USIGrai journalists in the aftermath of the policies announced by RAI’s Supervisory Commission. This approved a rule allowing government representatives to “speak in talks without time constraints and cross-examination”.

The statement continued: “This is not our idea of public service broadcasting. Journalists’ work should be central, where they ask questions, even uncomfortable ones, verify what has been said, and point out inconsistencies. For this reason, dear viewers, we inform you that we are ready to mobilise to guarantee you independent, balanced and plural information."

Another rule will allow Rai News to broadcast political rallies at any time, and in full, announced only by a short introduction and without journalistic mediation

RAI’s decision illustrates once again Italy’s government's attempts to make use of public service for personal and propagandistic purposes, and in contravention of the main pillars of journalists' work.

President of FNSI, Vittorio di Trapanisaid: “RAI News risks becoming a deluge of electoral rallies, trampling on the editorial autonomy of its journalists and its editorial team.”

The IFJ/EFJ stated: “We stand in full solidarity with RAI journalists, whose press freedom and ethical principles are being undermined by the Italian government. We remind RAI of its need to respect fundamental journalistic principles as they are stated in the IFJ Global Charter of Ethics for journalists. We ask the Supervisory Commission to review its decision and to allow transparent and pluralistic information in compliance with the principles of cross-examination and the public interest.”l

Source: IFJ

[hoeforhao]

🏷 Kidult ▪︎Choi Seungcheol Fic▪︎ Epilogue

↷ pairing: dad!seungcheol × fem!reader (feat!jeonghan)

↷ genre: heavy angst, fluff towards the end, mentions of childhood trauma, sort of arranged marriage? cheol and reader have a daughter together, lots of dad seungcheol content!!!

↷ summary: can trying to relive the childhood you never got to experience, through your daughter be the reason of your husband's irk?

↷ part: 4/4 pt.1, pt.2, pt.3

↷ w.c: 1.03K

↷ author's note: originally I didn't plan on any epilogue to the series as I was like 'eh let me just end it with some smut'. But after reading the reviews I realized that few wanted a closure with some fluffy content! So here it is. A happy ending to my most loved series♡

“Yah Hana stop running away!” you’ve been sprinting after your two year old ball of mischief for the past couple of minutes, with various failed attempts of trying to make her gulp down the last few drops of the butterscotch shake that took almost thirty minutes to make, just because it was the only way you could manage get some milk into her system.

She has completely inherited her dad’s genes when it comes to annoying the shit out of you!!! Sometimes you really wonder whether she is even your daughter or not, because be it her boba eyes, or the way she sulks into a pout whenever you refuse to give her pickies, her juicy pink lips, the little peets, all are literal second copies of her dad. “ Was it you or me who carried her for 9 months CHOI SEUNGCHEOL” you internally curse at him whenever you look you two’s sweetest berry.

You were about to give up on this mission of feeding Hana when you suddenly felt a heavy pair of arms wrap oh so gently around your tummy, chin resting into the crest of your neck. “Don’t stress out your mother like this baby. Aren’t you daddy’s good girl, hmm?” Seungcheol’s face moves from the nest of your shoulder’s to his now slightly guilt stricken daughter’s face.

“You wanna be able to carry your little brother, right? Be a good elder sister for him?” his palms now ghost over the swell in your belly, carefully caressing the bump as if trying to pat his little champ, the new and beautiful addition to his small happy family, his son upon whom he’s ready to shower all the world’s love. Definitely not more than his princess tho-

Hana’s face was stricken with a view of remorse topped with the excitement from the mere thoughts of being able hold her small brother in her own soft arms, play with him, dress him up for her playtimes and most importantly be the home he can always rely on after his parents, even though she herself was just a child.

“Yes yes yes i want to be the best sister for Siu. I’ll be right, dada?” her doe eyes instantly light up, awaiting her father’s approval onto whether or not she will be the best elder sister for the new ball of happiness entering all three of you’s life.

“YAH YOU TWO ALREADY DECIDED THE NAME? Who will ask the mother hmph!!!!” you push off Cheol’s hands from your bump and turn around to now face the slightly laughing face of your husband, corners of his lips turning up into a slight curve, as if smiling at your angy face.

Seungcheol’s heart was swelling from the view before him; his wife, the bane of his existence, looking at him with that sulky pout, the one he loves so dearly, the one that makes him wanna kiss her then and there, that peaceful face of her that felt like home to him, adorned with fluffed up chipmunk cheeks and skin all glistening like snow from the pregnancy glow…while his daughter, the apple of his eyes, stood behind her, smiling wide like the brightest ray of light.

“I wanted the name to be a surprise for you, as Siu brought in new beginnings to the family that was falling apart! But looks like someone can’t keep secrets huh.” Cheol moves past you to pick up Hana in his arms, swaying her around and putting her in air jail as a punishment for disclosing his long thought gift to you, while you fondly look at them; isn’t this is the sight you’ve always wanted to cherish… your own happy and content family. Since that night at the resort, your life finally took a the turn you’ve wishing upon for years. Seungcheol started treating you as a literal cloud, too fragile to touch, taking you on the cutest dates every weekend even if he’s drowned with work, showering with love, hugs and kisses at every chance he gets….and most significantly adore you like a completely love stricken man whenever you acted as a kid alongside your little muffin. As Hana’s giggles echoed around the walls followed by her dad’s soft laughs, the only thing you could think to yourself was “This house is finally a home”

The entire day went by like this with your daughter’s shenanigans and her father supporting all the little tricks she kept on pulling on you. Annoying you is really the father-daughter duo’s best hobby!!! The sunlight was bidding its last goodbyes as you busied yourself in the kitchen, trying to put down a good feast for the guests….who were about to knock at any moment now.

A ring of the bell and you quickly realize who it could be. Pulling off your apron in seconds, you literally run towards the door, arms wide open to greet none other than the Yoon Jeonghan, aka your annoying ass devil spawn of a bestfriend. The moment the long haired man sees your figure waiting for him at the doorway, he wraps his hands around your torso tightly, a bit too tight for your now swelled up belly, earning him a hard smack on his non existent butt.

“You’ll suffocate the baby, you idiot” you playfully slap Han’s shoulders while welcoming his wife alongside the two year old version of your friend aka his daughter Byul. “Instead of being thankful to me you’re hitting me dumbo. Afterall it was my evil plan that led to you being round with Cheol’s child now right!!! Such an ungrateful friend you’re y/n”

You truly had no comeback for Han’s words this time as for the first ocassion the man was speaking completely correct facts. It was indeed because of the vacation he planned that Seungcheol apologized to you for his mistreatment, made you believe that he will wait to earn your trust and love,heal the broken relationships and gift you the family and home you’ve always craved for.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trimax Thoughts Vol. 2 Pt. 2

Or, Wolfwood is a terrible liar and that's actually way more compelling than if he was good at it.

Wolfwood is quickly becoming one of my favourites in this series. I love a character with a good internal conflict who challenges the protagonist, and he's such a delightfully odd little critter of a man which makes him doubly enjoyable to me. He also causes me emotional damage, which kind of sealed the deal.

So, let's review what we know about his situation so far: He is, allegedly, a traveling priest, but his other job, the one he makes most of his money with, is some kind of dirty business (given the company of the Gung Ho Guns, it is likely as an assassin or a hired gun). Legato hired (?) him along with the rest of the GHG, and we know the fate of anyone who fails or tries to run. He knows this too - he can't leave. He's trapped. There was a two-year time-skip between Fifth Moon and his return in which he was searching for Vash, allegedly about the mass disappearances. We don't know fully what his current situation is, but given the GHG's continued orders, the recognition by Rai-Dei, and the way he knows way too much about Knives, it seems likely he is still stuck working for him - from here, it's still unclear what exactly his orders are, but it seems likely he is set up to betray or antagonize Vash later on.

This seems like it should be the set up for a character who has to lie constantly. Setting up smiles and earning the trust of their target. Their conflict about their mission vs their budding attachment being a deeply internalized struggle that slowly bubbles up to the surface as time goes on.

Wolfwood (kind of?) tries to do this, to be fair. But. He is so bad at it.

(Fair warning: this got LONG. I am sorry in advance.)

He is not a good liar. He doesn't even come up with a proper reason to explain his knowledge of Knives. He does not make any active effort to win Vash's trust. His internal conflict bleeds out of him to the surface almost right away and is glaringly obvious. He's just. So bad at not seeming suspicious. Here's the prime examples:

In his first appearance, he responds to Vash questioning how he makes money as a priest by practically admitting he has some kind of side job with a troubled and more serious expression than he's worn in the entire chapter (his eye is pale instead of dark here - take note of this btw this is important!). He doesn't even know Vash. Vash is some random stranger he just met on a bus. Why are you telling him this.

He reveals his giant cross is actually a giant gun with no lead up or warning whatsoever in front of a very startled Vash. He never explains why he is carrying around a giant cross-gun.

He says he's been looking for Vash for two years but the reason he gives is the mass disappearances, which only started six months ago.

He reveals that he knows way too much about Knives to not be associated with him in some way. Vash is obviously suspicious and asks about it, to which Wolfwood replies that he has a grudge against Knives and that he'd explain it later. ...he proceeds to never explain it.

Wolfwood gets annoyed when Vash says he's meeting with someone but it's a secret, to which Vash points out Wolfwood is hiding things too. Wolfwood just says "..." and. Does not deny this.

Wolfwood once again reveals he knows way too much about Knives. Vash is obviously suspicious by now and questions him again to which Wolfwood deflects in the most obvious way by changing the topic entirely and saying "Oh look a sandworm wow that's a big one!" Which. Does not fool Vash at all? That wouldn't fool anyone? You just made yourself more suspicious???????

Wolfwood and Rai-Dei clearly recognize each other. Vash is left looking between them in confusion while Wolfwood, once again, does not try to explain away anything - which would be a good thing to do, considering Rai-Dei is one of the Gung Ho Guns and he would probably want to... not imply any connection to them?

In short. What are you doing. What are you doing???

It's so funny to me because this is 100% an "I know/I know you know" kind of situation, and they could be playing mind games about this or leaning on that but instead they're just both blatantly ignoring the giant sandworm in the room. But it makes sense for these characters and is way more interesting in this case - after all, the core conflict so far revolves around second chances, and changing your life, and not killing so that people have a life to change. If Vash was unaware of the potential threat of Wolfwood, we could chalk a lot of his amicability with him up to ignorance, but we can't, because he isn't ignorant at all. This in turn makes Vash utterly confounding to Wolfwood, which makes his internal conflict not as much about the situation surrounding Vash, but about Vash himself, and what that may say about Wolfwood's own character.

Also, I personally think it's really fun to see how silly they are together in spite of all of this looming over them. Disagreeing on something so major as life and death coupled with Wolfwood's obvious suspiciousness - they really probably... shouldn't get along?

It's not a completely unfounded dynamic though. They met once, before Wolfwood knew that he was going to be made an enemy to Vash, and they clicked. Very easily. It was a brief meeting but it was impactful enough that Vash immediately recognizes him two years later.

And Wolfwood's eyes are dark when speaking with him.

Ok! Now I get to delve into the entire reason I wanted to make this post in the first place - it ties in firmly with Wolfwood being not great at lying or hiding his intentions.

Tristamp Vash voice: "You can see it in his eyes."

No. Seriously. The manga does some really interesting things with shading to draw attention to specific parts of a panel, such as shadowing entire faces to display rage or indicate "something to be afraid of", shading things in gray to emphasize them in the scene... and in Wolfwood's case, making his dark eyes look pale to indicate his emotional state, in what I have now taken to calling the "Wolfwood pale eyes of distress". I use distress to specifically encapsulate emotions like fear, desperation, feeling trapped, and internal conflict - strong, negative emotions that become more overwhelming the less control he has over a potentially threatening situation. Here's some examples:

So, yeah, his eyes are extremely expressive. Not only is he not a great liar, but his eyes pretty much always complement what he's feeling or saying - they give him away. Small wonder he's typically wearing sunglasses when interacting with people. Wolfwood appears to be somewhat aware of his eyes being giveaways... but I think he may have misinterpreted what exactly they reveal. He seems to think they reveal his darkness; the "devil" he's had to become. I can think of no other explanation for why his eyes are firmly shut in the nightmare sequence as soon as the kids run up to him.

^ This caused me immense pain btw. Not only is he keeping his eyes shut in front of the kids, he keeps that smile fixed on his face - the panel on the side is clearly internal. So he's... doubly hiding himself. He doesn't want to scare them, or for him to see the "monster" he's become so he smiles and acts like everything's fine even though he's pained. Hm. Sounds like... someone else we know...

However, what Vash sees is not some devil.

The ending of the Rai-Dei fight is when the budding conflict between Vash and Wolfwood reaches a breaking point. Interestingly, Wolfwood starts this fight without his glasses, but puts them on somewhere between Rai-Dei mentioning the Gung Ho Guns know where Vash's home is and Wolfwood deciding to interfere - which really means aiming to kill Rai-Dei. It's interesting he should take the time to put them back on like that. It doesn't really matter though, because we see his eyes anyways as he shoots Rai-Dei dead.

Ah yes. The eyes of a man completely unaffected and not at all bothered by the act of killing. Note the paleness again. They're like that all the way through this scene. The glasses do manage to cover his eyes in the next bit where he proceeds to shoot Rai-Dei again three more times. Hard to read his expression here but I'm assuming he went somewhat blank. He mentions later that he shoots twice in the head, twice in the heart - this was probably a "finishing of the job"; he's on autopilot - and so he doesn't actually react at first when Vash punches the glasses right off his face.

My actual reaction when I read this: OH???????

The glasses are off now. His cover is gone. And Wolfwood goes "to hell with it" and all but reveals that he's probably going to be a future threat to Vash.

Wolfwood takes the gun he just used to kill Rai-Dei, presses it into Vash's hand, aims it at his own head and tells Vash to shoot. Now, disregarding the fact that this is such a normal thing to do (sarcasm...), the intention here is pretty obvious. Wolfwood genuinely thinks that someone has to die for others to live, and because Vash won't kill, he believes he is the one who has to do so. If Vash would face threats with lethal intent, if he would dirty his own hands, then Wolfwood would trade his life - but they both know Vash won't shoot. However, I'm not sure if Wolfwood consciously realizes what he all but admitted here - pointing the gun at his own head, "so you won't hesitate to take out the next man who gets in your way"... they've both been dancing around the issue of Wolfwood's suspiciousness but here he might as well have said "I'm a threat. You know I'm probably a threat. Why don't you defend yourself? How can you be this naïve?" And all the while he's making full eye contact - probably expecting to have revealed that darkness within him. But Vash does not see Wolfwood as a devil. He sees him as playing the role of one. Vash is upset with Wolfwood here, but he's also upset for Wolfwood. Vash sees right through him to his inner conflict and pain, the same way Wolfwood saw through Vash to his pain.

Backtracking a bit.

Remember how I commented close to the beginning of this that Wolfwood's eyes are dark when he speaks with Vash again after two years? The way the conflict builds between them is really interesting too, because it doesn't really start as an argument (or at least, that's not how I took it).

I think I saw someone on here commenting on how funny it is that Wolfwood is expositing Plants to Vash, which is for the reader's benefit probably, but is still an interesting way to segue into the moral conflict that will characterize them in future.

Explaining the Plant and resulting conflict in straightforward terms. "We've had this talk already." Stating what he sees as simple truths of the world bluntly but not unkindly. Rapping on the door and wanting to finish the earlier conversation, and suddenly I realized "wait. wait."

He's. It's almost like he's trying to teach him. Like one would explain things to a child who doesn't yet understand the world's harsh realities. Which is so funny for so many reasons.

For one, Vash... plays along? Just because, I guess? Look at that intense look of concentration while Wolfwood educates him about what Plants do. He is being very attentive and listening really hard. Also, the next part too is just...

Vash, sniffling: "Why do things like this have to happen?" :'(

Hjdhfdjhb??? (Like he definitely is genuinely upset but it's not like he doesn't understand... the little pout after too...)

For another, I'm so fascinated that Wolfwood initially decides that Vash must just not understand the ways of the world because like. He's seen his scars before. He can see Vash's scars in this very scene. You can't chalk that up to naivete... but if it isn't that, then Wolfwood can't understand it, so he leans into this interpretation, despite having to know that it's wrong.

For as much as this sounds kind of condescending of him, I don't think he really intends it that way - he may think the pacifism is naïve, but he doesn't actually see Vash as a child. It may be somewhat automatic for him to approach it this way, because I'm assuming Wolfwood's positive interactions are mainly with children, and again, I don't think he's trying to start an argument here. He wants answers out of Vash, because Vash confuses him, and, after Fifth Moon, scares him too.

When he finds Vash again two years later, his eyes are dark, not pale. He's not scared of Vash in that scene, not the same way he was when he witnessed the Fifth Moon event. He greets him on fairly friendly terms and seems decently comfortable around him - enough to laugh at him, scold him, and share/fight over food. But there is still that moment of trepidation, where Wolfwood carefully brings up Fifth Moon and is clearly trying to gauge Vash's reaction. This is the random guy he met on a bus two years ago who seemed human enough. This is also the same guy he witnessed blow a crater into a moon, revealing himself to be something much more powerful and inhuman than he could understand. I believe a lot of this early questioning - the poking and prodding at Vash's morals, the watching to see what he'll do, is Wolfwood's attempt to reconcile these very conflicting views.

Unfortunately, instead of his questions and challenges clarifying things, they only muddy the waters further for him. Vash's actions, that kind of selfless-looking pacifism, is completely unexplainable by his current worldview - worse, the continued survival of Vash's pacifism directly conflicts with it. As Wolfwood's inner conflict is uncomfortably forced to the forefront of his mind where he spent his whole life repressing it, Vash becomes more unsettling to him, and the moral conflict, which started as an attempt to understand and question becomes confrontational. Vash's no-killing philosophy should not be possible to maintain, and Wolfwood responds by becoming more reactive and terrified.

When thinking later, he straight up says he's never seen someone put other's lives above their own. He nearly died as a child and the only thing that saved him was raw survival instinct. He's had to fend for himself. No one came to help. No wonder he doesn't have much hope. He thinks that to be human is to eventually succumb to the harshness of the world and to join that never ending cycle of violence (no matter how much he hates it) - notably though, he's not like Knives, who believes that humans are born bad. Rather, he seems to believe that people become corrupted, are forced to become "devils", over time and due to the inhospitable world they have to struggle to survive in. If he really believed humans were inherently bad, he wouldn't try to hide his eyes and bloodied hands from the kids (innocent!). It's why he can recognize Rai-Dei and the rest of the GHG as human, even when it's claimed they have given up their humanity. To Wolfwood, that in itself is just a part of being human.

Funnily enough, it is Vash's kindness surviving against all odds that cements him as something inhuman in Wolfwood's mind. And not only does seeing Vash as something not-human bring back some of the terror he felt during the Fifth Moon Incident, but it also puts Wolfwood in a very uncomfortable position of having the necessity of his darker actions be called into question. Vash is now threatening. And Wolfwood starts to respond to that threat in the way that is most natural for him.

There's some extra complications here too though - Wolfwood definitely cares about Vash too, at least to some extent. Their first meeting had none of this baggage, and Wolfwood expresses some worry about Vash's smiles not being genuine. They fall into a pretty natural, easy dynamic after one meeting and a two-year gap. He also shows a level of protectiveness really early on - that was the purpose of my funny little counter I did on a previous thoughts post, but let's look at this particular instance right here:

Return of pale eyes Wolfwood, who is genuinely concerned and pissed off. At first I assumed that Wolfwood was running to go after the still-present threat of Keele but the next time we see them, Vash is getting patched up and Wolfwood is standing in the room with him - the part where Wolfwood is running there is him trying to get medical help. This is not even bringing up the part after where he pulls out the tobasco sauce. (As an addition, it's also the last time he calls him "Vash" instead of "needle-noggin" - endearing nickname, or an attempt to distance himself? Who knows. Not Wolfwood, I'm sure.)

I do wonder if Wolfwood focused on some of the commonalities between them at first to attempt to bridge the gap between his conflicting images of Vash - I am not sure whether he's... well... self-aware enough to recognize that he also hides pain behind a smile and a pair of glasses, but they both sure are in uncomfortable positions of being wielded as weapons by Knives. The panel where Wolfwood tells Vash Knives is on the move again while he is superimposed directly below the spike jutting out of Knives' chest drives me insane. The threat of death looming over him like that. He’s trapped. Then there's the witnessing of the Fifth Moon incident, in which Vash's arm was quite literally hijacked and control taken away from him. Now, I understand this is mostly my assumption here but I don't think it's entirely unfounded - Wolfwood's expression when he watches this is a bit more detailed than the rest of the GHG, who mostly look shocked or scared - he looks that way too but there's also a furrowing of the brow that complicates the expression. Vash is screaming. Wolfwood's previous lamenting of the cycle of violence he's trapped in happens on the heels of realizing he'll be working against Vash. And when he finds him again, he's certainly wary, but not accusatory. I do think, terrified as he was by the implications of what Vash and Knives are and that sheer level of power, he does understand that Vash was being used and not in control of himself. I expect this is probably why he took the "grudge against Knives" angle - he recognizes Vash's anger and says "me too" - drawing a line of commonality between them.

But as the gap widens and Vash demonstrates clear differences that are unexplainable or otherwise threatening to Wolfwood, he becomes more discomforted and antagonistic as a result.

It all boils over after the Rai-Dei fight. At first, Wolfwood doesn't interfere in the fight because a) he knows Vash is competent, and b) he's a jerk sometimes and clearly thought him having a gunfight against a swordsman was funny. But that changes when it's revealed the GHG have located and are going to target Vash's home. The sunglasses get slipped back on. That's the point at which Wolfwood starts to go for his gun. Vash has turned deadly serious, and has told Rai-Dei to get out of his way, and Wolfwood probably assumed that this would be the exception to the rule - that's what he keeps saying, after all, that people will kill to defend those they love.

Instead, Vash tells Wolfwood to stay out of it, knowing he is intending to shoot Rai-Dei, and I do think that's the moment the conflict went from disagreement to actual anger.

What Wolfwood is not seeing is that Vash doesn't kill to defend the memory of someone he loved. That's not information Wolfwood is privy to, so while they are both protective people, the way they go about protecting is entirely different, and it's been there since the beginning.

This is a really cute scene, first of all. He's good with those kids. He crouches down to their level, splits the coins up evenly between them. It's kind of like saying "we're in this together"... and it's notably very different from what Vash does - that distance he maintains, and the way he probably would've given everything. Wolfwood keeps some for himself. As he puts it, for the sake of the orphanage kids, he has to stay alive, and that means prioritizing some lives above others, something that Vash refuses to do. But I think Wolfwood misunderstands that Vash sacrifices so much not because he "isn't human and therefore can", but because doggedly pursuing Rem's ideals and protecting humanity from Knives is just about the only thing keeping him going. Wolfwood doesn’t understand that Vash needs to believe that kindness exists in people’s hearts because he cannot understand how one could go on living otherwise.

Neither of them really have lives of their own, nor do they value themselves much. But they both continue to survive out of dedication to the paths they’ve chosen. Wolfwood kills to save the living - specifically, the kids and now Vash (it also assures he has a reason to keep fighting for his own survival - he can’t protect them if he’s dead). Vash refuses to kill to preserve the memory of someone who has died, Rem (again, this assures his survival, at least to a certain point - he can’t stop Knives if he’s dead). There’s something really interesting in that contrast, that leads them both to a “better me than them” mentality - Wolfwood the role of the weapon and Vash the role of the shield. But either way, this is, I think, why it’s hard for them to understand where the other is coming from at times, even though they see each other’s pain so clearly. These are worldviews they stick to stubbornly, born out of trauma; their respective ways of processing their continued survival from all that has happened to them.

Wolfwood is afraid to die, but he also has no hope for himself. While deeply conflicted by his actions, he has to believe there is necessity to them. So when Vash is confronting him, telling him he’s been crying out against the role he’s taken on this entire time, it shakes him, because he’s pushed all that down for so long, and it’s true. And I think he wants to believe that Vash’s sentiment is possible, but to him it just seems like false hope, even if he doesn’t want to be hurting people either. But if Vash is right, then that is even more distressing. It means that maybe he didn’t have to become a “devil”. That justifying the use of lethal force by necessity was never a justification at all. He goes from sinner with a cause to just a sinner. In that sense, him taking his own gun and putting it in Vash’s hand, aiming it at his own head and telling him to shoot if he really thinks he’s wrong… it reads as a punishment.

Not a bit of this would’ve been as effective if we were left to wonder about the characters’ intentions. Wolfwood being a bad liar, or really, not bothering to lie much, is interesting character wise and focuses the conflict on his and Vash’s internal persons and motives, rather than the external situation. I find it works much better to highlight Trigun’s themes that have cropped up so far.

Ok. I’m going to stop here because this is very long. Holy shit sorry. I just really like his character a lot and I’m excited to see where this conflict goes. They both raise some really good points that are difficult to reconcile.

I hope this actually made sense lol. We’ll see if it holds up when I get further into the manga.

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #5 – The Tusks of Extinction by Ray Nayler

I read Nayler’s The Mountain in the Sea last year and, despite thinking it was ultimately kind of a noble failure, liked it more than enough to give his new novella a try. It didn’t hurt that the premise as described in the marketing copy sounded incredible. I can’t quite say it was worth it, but that’s really only because this novella barely cost less than the 500-page doorstopper I picked up at the same time and I need to consider economies here – it absolutely lived up to the promise of its premise.

The book is set a century and change into the future, when a de-extinction initiative has gotten funding from the Russian government to resurrect the Siberian mammoth – or, at least, splice together a chimera that’s close-enough and birth it from african elephant surrogate mothers – to begin the process of restoring the prehistoric taiga as a carbon sink. The problem: there’s no one on earth left who knows how wild mammoth are supposed to, like, live- the only surviving elephants have been living in captivity for generations. Plop the ressurectees in the wilderness and they’ll just be very confused and anxious until they starve. The solution: the technology to capture a perfect image of a human mind is quite old, and due to winning some prestigious international award our protagonist – an obsessive partisan of elephant conservation – was basically forced to have her mind copied and put in storage a few months before she was killed by poachers.

So the solution of who will raise and socialize these newly created mammoths is ‘the 100-year-old ghost of an elephant expert, after having her consciousness reincarnated in a mammoth’s body to lead the first herd as the most mature matriarch’. It works better than you’d expect, really, but as it turns out she has some rather strong opinions about poachers, and isn’t necessarily very understanding when the solution found to keep the project funded involves letting some oligarch spend a small country’s GDP on the chance to shoot a bull and take some trophies.

So this is a novella, and a fairly short one – it’s densely packed with ideas but the length and the constraints of narrative mean that they’re more evoked or presented than carefully considered. This mostly jumps out at me with how the book approaches wildlife conservation – a theme that was also one of the overriding concerns of Mountain where it was considered at much greater length. I actually think the shorter length might have done Nayler a service here, if only because it let him focus things on one specific episode and finish things with a more equivocal and ambiguous ending than the saccharine deux ex machina he felt compelled to resort to in Mountain.

The protection of wildlife is pretty clearly something he’s deeply invested in – even if he didn’t outright say so in the acknowledgements, it just about sings out from the pages of both books. Specifically, he’s pretty despairing about it – both books to a great extent turn around how you convince the world at large to allow these animals to live undisturbed when all the economic incentives point the other way, a question he seems quite acutely aware he lacks a good answer to.

Like everyone else whose parents had Jurassic Park on VHS growing up, I’ve always found the science of de-extinction intensely fascinating – especially as it becomes more and more plausible every day. This book wouldn’t have drawn my eye to nearly the degree it did if I don’t remember the exact feature article I’d bet real money inspired it about a group of scientists trying to do, well, exactly the same thing as the de-extinctionists do in the book (digital resurrection aside). The book actually examines the project with an eye to practicalities and logistics – and moreover, portrays it as at base a fundamentally heroic, noble undertaking as opposed to yet another morality tale about scientific hubris. So even disregarding everything else it had pretty much already won me over just with that.

The book’s portrayal of the future and technology more generally is broader and less carefully considered, but it still rang truer than the vast majority of sci fi does – which is, I suppose, another way of saying that it’s a weathered and weather-beaten world with new and better toys, but one still very fundamentally recognizable as our own, without any great revolutions or apocalyptic ruptures in the interim. Mosquito's got CRISPR’d into nonexistence and elephants were poached into extinction outside of captivity, children play with cybernetically controlled drones and the president of the Russian Federation may or may not be a digital ghost incarnated into a series of purpose-grown clones, but for all that it’s still the same shitty old earth. It’s rather charming, really.

[starillusion13]

FRIENDS!? Chapter 4

🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

M.Masterlist Series ML

▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️▫️

Pairing: poly!ateez × f!reader (An ATEEZ Office AU)

Genre: Mature, Angst, Yandere, SMUT

Warning: The upcoming events in the story will contain themes like stalking, violence, obsession, manipulation, possessive behaviour and restraining acts. Do not kill me for not warning you. This is an Yandere story so you are well aware of what to expect more. For SMUT I WILL GIVE THE WARNING IN THE BEGINNING. (In this chapter, two Ateez members being harsh(?) to mc.)

W.C: 3.4K+

For my beloved: @oreharuuu

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

[Reblogs and Reviews are always appreciated. Thank you you for reading and have a nice day ahead. Please always take care of yourself everyone.]

Hello, Can we be friends please?

*under the cue*

“Welcome on the first day as an intern to BBO, The great Blue Bird Organization. “

You chuckle on the dramatic greetings from your supposed to be one of the bosses. He is standing in the middle of the pathway leading to the main entrance of the building from where the view of the building is perfect and the sun rays hitting the glass walls, reflecting luxury and high status of the environment. Your eyes shine when you see the logo of the company of a blue bird sitting on top of the pirate ship and the name displayed underneath it with black and orange mixtures of colour. You wonder for a while what does that blue bird even refer to. Your focus averted to the flower bouquet offered in front of you.

“This is for you, cupcake.”

“Thanks, Wooyoung. Well, you know I want to know why do you keep calling me this name. Is this the nickname you gave me when we were friends?”

“…yes...Do you not like it?”

“Of course, I like it. Also, we should head inside. I have to learn a lot about my work on my first day so it’s better not to be late.”

Nodding to your words, he leads your way inside the building. The guard doesn’t block your way today rather bows and greet you with a soft ‘Good morning’ to which you reply back with a smile. Wooyoung still holding your hand introduces you to some employees who were gathered in a group, faces all focused on the ongoing discussion. When he approached them, they quickly turn to him and greeted him and also, they welcome you on your first day. You are feeling so comfortable and welcomed to this new place as if you are meant to be in this office in the first place. As some people are giving you smiles and greetings and then there some with curious eyes and whispers. Honestly, you don’t mind all these because you would have done the same if the boss of a huge company treated a new intern so nicely in front of you. You are already familiar with the different desks and rooms in the first floor and you don’t have any works here unless any boss tells you for a particular stuff from there. This floor has the wide area with the reception place for queries and a waiting area two stairs above platform with sofas and different indoor plants with a great outside view through the grand glass windows and you can see people already waiting for their personal reasons. To the end of that corner is a room for employees to discuss over some private meetings with the customers and beside that room is a public washroom. And while on the other side of the reception, at the very end corner of the area is the different rooms for the grade D employees and to exact side of the reception desk is the elevator and the escalator. The escalators are basically used by employees and the lift is for bosses.

Just like the first day, you are going go to the eighth floor with him and when the elevator ‘ding’ announcing you the arrival to the desired floor, your heart picks up the race. You get remind of all the intense gazes from the bosses all together flashing back to you. Shaking of your thoughts, you try to keep your formal and cool composure even though your mind screaming to hide somewhere, ‘you are not yet prepared to meet all of them again.’ but here you are standing in front of that very familiar door from the first day. Similarly, like Yeosang, Wooyoung types out some passcode and scans the ID.

As soon as you stepped inside, Wooyoung clears his throat and your eyes land on the men spread all across the room. Seonghwa and Hongjoong at their usual desk with Jongho sitting at opposite to them, maybe they were in some discussions but now all three have their eyes on you with welcoming smiles. Hongjoong looks the happiest one on your arrival and he also stands on his feet to walk towards you. Reaching near you, he pats your head, “Did you make it here alright?”

You nodded on his words, “Thank you for asking, Hongjoong.”

He feels satisfied with you finally calling him by his name and not using those ‘sir’ with a bestfriend, well blame it on Jongho who insisted to call them like that in the first place. You can feel stares on you and when you look towards the other direction, you can find the others are already looking back at you but somehow the atmosphere is different in this corner.

‘Are they not happy with you being here?’

San as like the previous day is leaning against the bookshelf with glasses on and staring darkly and you can’t decipher the expression, well it’s not a major concern for you because the next two persons who are just a few feet away from him are the reason for why you suddenly gulp a lump. ‘What have I done to these two?’

“Yeosang and Yunho. Come on, don’t scare our precious girl. Be nice to her on the first day.”

Thanks to Mingi to divert your attention from them. You don’t even know why you were looking at them so long when they just look like are about to launch at you. Anyways, you return back the smile to him to which Mingi nods his head and turns back his focus on the papers laid in front of him. Your curious eyes precisely scan the papers but a soft hand on your shoulder breaks your trance. Looking towards the person, Wooyoung just greets you with a soft look on his face.

“Come Y/n. Sit here.”

Seonghwa gestures you to sit in front of him beside Jongho and you with a gentle smile, step forward to the chair. The rest of them return to their previous action. They want to just leave their work aside and sit with you to spend time talking with you but their works need to be done and they atleast need to be professional on your first day. Atleast for now. They can’t just let their beast out and scare you. They are trying their best to fight their inner self and be a gentle self of them in front of you.

“So, have you got the schedule?”

“Yes, Wooyoung has given me earlier and some of you have meeting in two hours. Let me check it again.”

You turn on the I-pad and select the desired schedule tab and go through it quickly. You know Hongjoong and Seonghwa are eagerly waiting for your response. After scanning the list twice, you nod to yourself and look back at them.

“So, Seonghwa you are having a meeting along with Mingi at 12:30 with The Dune Enterprise and also you will have the lunch time with them as you are going to discuss about the upcoming field project.”

Seonghwa nods and stands up to go towards the mirror situated in the corner. You haven’t noticed that mirror before but it’s okay as you were so tensed last time when you were being here. Hongjoong who is leaning to the desk beside you gestures you to keep going.

“Jongho has a conference to attend after the lunch and before that you need to have the employees altogether to discuss about the topic that will be presented.”

You watch how he glances to his watch and puts out his phone to dial someone. The next name makes you a bit sad because you don’t want to lose his company so soon on the very first day but you cant be like this now, so shaking your thoughts away, you start speaking.

“Woo, you need to be in the fifteenth-floor cabin as you will be attending the interviews of the selected candidates.”

“Woo?”

“Hm?”

“You called him Woo? Or am I just hearing things?”

Hongjoong’s words click in your mind that your tongue slips with his nickname you started calling since earlier because the comfort and friendliness you are getting from him. To your confused and scared face, he laughs at you and pats your head.

“Don’t worry! I’m not scolding you. It’s just nice to hear you calling him in such a friendly way and getting along with each other.” You smile at him and again he adds, “Wooyoung, let me go along with you as I need to have some overview for some details.”

You cast a glance towards the fancy digital clock in the room and notice how almost two hours have been passed with your arrival and greetings and discussions about their schedules. You notice that the names you have called earlier are beginning to move out of the room and then when your panic starts picking up. Why not? If those five are going to leave then you are being left alone with the three devils. The ones about whom you have complained to Beomgyu so much and he had just laughed it off with calling you a ‘scaredy cat’.

‘If only he was here to face them then only, he could know my feelings.’

“Are you all leaving now?”

“As per the schedule, we have been told to be in our designated places by now. Why, do you need something?”

Everybody stops on their tracks on hearing him. Mingi just innocently blinks and recalling if he asked you something wrong. But when he follows their eyes, they are trailing on you and asking silently for your needs. They can bring anything to your foot at the time and can do anything even cancelling their schedules just to listen to you. Feeling so much attention on you, you feel overwhelmed. Somehow, you feel their gazes to have the comfort of a home, a safe place and as if those are screaming some missing pieces of your life from past but you are trying to ignore them. It can’t be. Even if they are your friends, they were nothing more than that, you guys were nothing except maybe classmates or used to hang out together after classes.

Your main question is ‘why don’t you remember then?’

Now they are complete strangers to you but somehow in the corner of your mind, you still feel something you are missing out with them. You look towards Wooyoung, who calls you with the nickname and you are not complaining to it, these three days talking to him and also during the text messages, you feel so comfortable with him. Then your eyes move towards Mingi who is eagerly waiting for you to voice out your problem.

“No. Um…have a great day ahead all of you.”

They smile to your little attempt to cheer them up for the day and step out of the room. Well, God should show you some mercy or let the ground engulf you. Wait, I’m on eighth floor so no ground but you are going to fall on the next floor. How unfortunate for you to be left alone with them even on the first day! Atleast you should have got some days to adjust to this new place and then maybe you could have expected a day like this.

“Are you going to daydream about your boyfriend standing there?”

Your lost eyes which were still staring at the closed metal door move towards the voice. The tall man with folded hands above his chest standing few feet away staring straight at you with an annoyed expression.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Lies. Are you just going to lie on your first day here?”

“What? I’m not lying, honestly.”

“Well, that’s not the information I got from your university. I heard how you were in relationship with a guy named ‘Mark’ in freshman year and Beomgyu made you break up with him because he was toxic for you. So, this second guy is your present boyfriend, I presume.”

“No. He is my bestfriend.”

He makes ‘tsch’ sound to which a frown appears on your face as why there is so much problem for him to believe your words. Also, it’s not his concern if you are being in relation with your friend or not. You are his past bestfriend and present employee at his office.

“Always sticking to each other like a glue and him being all possessive over you doesn’t suit the bestfriend term.”

“Well, a true bestfriend suit him the most then.”

“What do you mean?”

His glaring eyes and stomping of his feet come closer to you but you didn’t flinch on his sudden action but confidently looking up into his eyes to reply him back.

“A true bestfriend will always look after their friend in every matter and not letting them to disappear from their eyes as far as possible. Who will always stay beside you to say that ‘It’s okay, I’m here for you.’ I’m glad to get him during my highschool.”

You take a deep breath before continuing. He opens his mouth to speak but your hand gestures him to be quiet and surprisingly, your daring eyes and stern gestures made him silent and he didn’t even try to fight it back.

“Also, you are just my boss here so it’s not your concern to know about your employee’s certain personal life matters. I’m your secretary here and even if we were friends doesn’t mean I will let you to invade in my personal information.”

“Well well well. You have become so feisty after growing up. Even last day, you were so shy and scared little Y/N same as from those days.”

Yeosang approaches with clapping his hands and that heavy voice spreading goosebumps on your skin as you can suddenly recall about the day how he shouted on you.

Yunho is still staring at you but his eyes are soft, not having that rage from before but somehow those are still stinging with the rising fire behind the soft façade. Somehow, you praising another male in front of him is not setting right and he won’t be letting this slide easily. He wants to be the reason for the praises you are showering on someone else, he wants to be the one on whom you can rely during your problems but never in a while he wants to be the one to be considered by you as just a boss. He cant be just a boss to you.

“Don’t bring up that past everytime when you are going to be like this, Yeosang.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, so don’t you remember how you shouted on me the last day you were here? I just wanted to have some time to take a proper decision but your impatience just kicked out. Look, I know you all are happy to get your lost friend back and am happy as well knowing that there were some friends out here waiting for me but it doesn’t mean you will treat me as your doll under your control.”

“Doll……”

“Yes, that’s how you want me to be.”

“Doll…...” he pauses for a second, “you remember this name?”

“huh?”

“Starting from today, you cant have any relationship with anyone. This is the first rule for you being our secretary.”

Since the first day you met this guy, his tendency is not to complete any sentence and keep you in confusion.

“Are you serious?”

“Very much.”

“What nonsense is this?”

“I can arrange for an official printed rules and regulation for you if you want, Miss Y/N.” You peek to San over Yeosang’s shoulder, who is standing beside you similarly the way Yunho is towering you in front. You are feeling cornered and under some sort of interrogation. San is sitting on the sofa with a laptop on his lap but he is smirking at you after offering you a not-so-lovely arrangement.

Yunho got a call and without glancing anywhere else but you, fishes out the phone and presses to his ears. “Hello.” His tone is harsh as if the person on other side of the call is interrupting some important business of his or he is least interested to have a talk with them, either way, you just have to face his burning self.

“I don’t care about his fucking offer.”

Now Why do I feel like he is talking to me? You try to avert your eyes everywhere but him and this is not to his accord. He is not liking the loss of your focus on him so suddenly he grabs your chin and moves you face facing him. Your eyes go wide and mouth forms an ‘o’ shape.

“What are you doing?” you merely whisper but Yeosang from your side shush you and leans forward to whisper in your ears.

“You don’t want to disturb his call and make him mad. Right?”

You deny quickly with moving your head sideways to which he gives you a satisfactory smile and pats your head before resting his hand on your lower back. Your eyes again found Yunho’s and you can see the tensed jaws and veins popping on his forehead. He must be really angry.

Your already shaking eyes go wide when he mouths the next thing to you, ‘If this person don’t cut the call in next five seconds, then I’m going to kiss you.’

And again he goes back to the call.

Five.

His fingers brush your lips softly and lingering over there.

Four.

He leans forward.

Three.

“I said, I don’t want.” he replies to the phone but still maintaining the eye contact with you.

Two.

You can feel his breathe fanning over your lips and you close your eyes and lean backward but Yeosang’s hand keeps you in place.

“Yunho. Step back.”

One. ‘phew’

A great thanks to Hongjoong who suddenly entered the scene with the two of them cornering you near the main desk and San enjoying the drama unfolding in front of him, abandoning his work. The eldest has the annoyed expression on his face and harshly pulled Yunho back and he cuts the call.

“Who was on the call Yunho and what were you trying to do?”

“That bullshit company.” He replies and looks at you smirkingly.

“Y/N. Are you okay?” Hongjoong asks you.

“Hm. I just need to use the washroom.”

He nods and without wasting a second, you excuse yourself but before leaving, Yeosang grabs your hand and the way he is looking at you, you can tell that he is trying to say something to you. But what? I want to listen to you but you are scaring me everytime. You shake your hand off from his hold and left the room.

As soon as you made into the hallway, you let out a deep breathe and tug your hairs behind your ears. Quickly, fishing out the phone from your pocket, you dial the last number and hoping the person to pick up while making your way towards the washroom. On your way, you bump into someone but formally, you with a politeness let the person go. The person must be in hurry like you. The call is not answered and mentally, you made a note.

‘The first two persons whom I’m going to add to my friends list is Wooyoung and Hongjoong and I have to know everything about them. How were we before?’

You smile to your own thoughts and go inside the washroom.

“What was that, Yunho?”

“What? You just interrupted an interesting part.”

Hongjoong just glared back, not liking the reply from him.

“You both were letting him do that to her?”

They laughed on his words and San proudly nodded.

“Yeah. It was a nice show to be honest. If I were you, I would have waited for one more second.”

Hongjoong banged his fist on the desk catching all of three attention. The atmosphere of the room died down and covered with a thick silence.

“ let’s not forget, she is a different person now since the high school. We are not same as before. And you three are going to behave before we find out what happened in that past.”

Their smile disappeared and their heads uncontrollably nodded on his words. Afterall, he is the leader of the company and they are bound to listen to his orders.

Why are they so eager to know about her? Who are you to them? Friends right? Or something more than that? Who are they actually?

They are not lying to you. Right?

Next

Taglist :

@mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @vvshere @anyamaris @yeoobin @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @brrrkdslek-main @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @luhwaine @ilove-taeyong @dinonuguaegi @endeav0rsb1tch @loveforred @eriny123 @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon

(open! dm me/ send ask/reply here)

[astoundingbeyondbelief]

Kaiju Week in Review (March 17-23, 2024)

Mere days to go before a new Godzilla movie... didn't we just do this?

Before we welcome that latest entry, let's look back on one that just commemorated its golden anniversary. With Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla turning 50 on March 21, every member of Toho's Big Five has now hit the half-century mark. The company didn't mark the day itself with much; as has become typical, the celebration of Mechagodzilla (and presumably King Caesar) will be spread throughout the year. I wrote a bit about the magnificent machine, who I consider the best Godzilla antagonist, here. The film itself is one of Teruyoshi Nakano's masterpieces, an onslaught of animated rays and gorgeous explosions. The humans are forgettable, but they keep the pace brisk—and the alien commander Mugal is almost as devilish a villain as Mechagodzilla itself, especially in the English dub. Speaking of that dub, you can watch a video breaking down the entire voice cast here, thanks to the tireless work of the Save All Dubs! group.

Justice League vs. Godzilla vs. Kong #6 finally gets to the good stuff, with Lex Luthor piloting Mechagodzilla and commanding an army of Titans to raze Metropolis while the heroes counter with not one but two giant robots. It doesn't quite measure up to the Godzilla: Rulers of Earth finale, but like that double-sized issue, it required two artists (Christian Duce joined by Tom Derenick) to draw all those characters, and the results are impressive. The story hasn't grown any more complex, but I'm at least interested to see how it all wraps up.

In other Godzilla comic news, a Godziban manga by Sakuju Koizumi has started up, hosted by Telemaga, a tokusatsu-focused Kodansha site. The first installment was pretty short, so I'm guessing these'll be updated weekly. It isn't the first comic version of Godziban, as one called Godziman ran during the 1st Season, but this one's actually illustrated.

Tokyo's Ikebukuro district made Godzilla the honorary chief of police on March 16 to take part in a parade promoting traffic safety. The stunt made international headlines and generated no small amount of angst over Cop Godzilla. I think Gamera would've been better-suited to this campaign myself.

Here's the trailer for Season 2 of Chibi Godzilla Raids Again, revealing Gabara, Gigan, and Titanosaurus's designs. Looks as funny as the first one. Maaya Uchida, who sang the ending songs in SSSS.Gridman and SSSS.Dynazenon, will voice Chibi Minilla. It's gone weirdly neglected by English Godzilla social media accounts, but X user @MakoMattari translated it.

The Music Box Theatre in Chicago has a Godzilla program for the ages scheduled for June 7-13, in honor of his 70th birthday. There's not a weak day on the schedule, but the clear highlight is a 24-hour marathon of the entire Showa series on the 8th, which I don't think has ever been attempted before.

G-Fest has also started announcing guests: Ayako Fujitani (Asagi in the Heisei Gamera trilogy) and Rie Ota (Baragon in GMK), both first-timers. Frankly, they could carry the con themselves if they have to; not sure who I'm more excited to meet!

[lastweeksshirttonight]

LEE'S FAQ!

Over the past nearly-two years, I've noticed that I get some questions about John's work asked repeatedly. That doesn't bother me - half of his prominent work is somewhat lost media, Tumblr's search is super fucked, and I always want to help anyone falling down the JO rabbit hole - but I realized that one central pinned post would be helpful! I'll keep this up to date as much as possible.

I know I have a lot of international followers, and if you have any knowledge of where to stream or find some of these items, please let me know and I'll update this post.

WHERE CAN I FIND...?

Anything really, I've just started going down this rabbit hole:

The John Oliver Masterlist is an incredible resource - while it hasn't been updated since about 2017 and has some broken links (especially in the LWT sections), it has functional links to every JO clip from The Daily Show, all the main segments of LWT through 2017, radio shows, and lots of other material. This was made by @johnoliverphotos and @ilovejohnoliver, and I'm eternally grateful for it.

The Department:

YouTuber Ben Jennings has the entire series on his channel.

Player FM has the series uploaded here as well.

The Bugle:

The Bugle Archive has all Times Online era episodes available to download. PLEASE DOWNLOAD THE EPISODES DIRECTLY; DO NOT STREAM FROM THIS SITE.

The Bugle is starting to upload Times Online era episodes to their official channels, which can be found here. They're up to ep 75 as of Feb 2024.

All post-Times Online episodes (starting with episode 179) are available on The Bugle's official channels linked above.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

Have you perused the John Oliver Masterlist above? This is the best way to find direct links to JO clips from The Daily Show on the Comedy Central website, because this shit is still not streaming anywhere else. Use a VPN if you're outside the US to view.

There are a small handful of TDS episodes available for purchase on Amazon Prime if you're in the US. I have no idea if any of them feature JO in any meaningful way - I will update this section once I review that.

Otherwise, you're gonna have to sail the high seas to watch this. I'm sorry that this is the state of the US' most important comedy show of the 2000s. Maybe Paramount will drop it on us when Stewart comes back to host TDS, who knows.

Community:

In the US, this can be streamed on Netflix and Hulu. Individual episodes can be purchased on YouTube, Apple TV, and Amazon Prime.

Worldwide, Community is available on Netflix until April 1st.

Every season of Community is available on DVD and Blu-Ray.

John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show:

In the US, the whole show is on Paramount Plus and can be purchased through Amazon and Apple.

The godawful Comedy Central website has limited episodes for viewing. You'll need a US cable subscription to watch more than the first episode of every season, because of course you do.

Back catalog episodes of Last Week Tonight:

You can buy back catalog episodes on YouTube and Amazon in the US.

In certain areas outside of the US, LWT is now being uploaded in full on their YouTube channel. I'm glad that there's more offerings for you all!

HBO Max no longer has back catalog episodes because capitalism is fucking ridiculous, I pay monthly for this service entirely for this show and I can't even watch old news from 5 years ago

The Horne Section:

The whole series is on Taskmaster Supermax+, which should work everywhere except the UK.

In the UK, you can stream this through Channel 4.

BLOG-SPECIFIC QUESTIONS

How did you get into John Oliver?

I answered this in too much detail in two posts, here and here.

Where is your icon from?

UPDATED: It was made by the lovely @stalebagels for me. She is wonderful <3

Is this blog a bit?/Do you really find this man attractive?

No, this is not an ironic bit, I really like John Oliver and find him genuinely hot. (Tbf, I get this question way more in person than online.)

[weregreatatcrime]

I'm sick and rereading Two Halves and I know I leave a lot (A LOT) of stuff in the end notes but there's actually lots of stuff I still never mention or talk about so here's a long sick (started at midnight until i fell asleep to keep going now) ramble about things I didn't get the chance to talk about but wanted to (in somewhat of an order reminded by rereading) or at least just some lines I particularly enjoyed

I have medicine drugging me let's do chapter 6 It's a long one, folks, there's a lot that I wanna scream about

In awe that the Donnie kidnapping arc happened at 6. We're at fucking 15 chapters before Donnie goes home. What the fuck. How did this happen

Karai was getting snacks for Stockman and trying to get him to explain how his heart hadn't exploded from energy drinks. Results were inconclusive

Just the fact that Donnie was the only one knew Karai saw them and all he did was just fucking wave sheepishly

This interaction was entirely unintentional from both sides. Turtles didn't mean to find her and Karai didn't intend to be seen in civies

"If Shredder’s willing to hurt her… I just think maybe she'd be more willing to listen if we tried to avoid hurting her too." Leo, honey, my heart

"And Master Splinter won't be so upset his kids are fighting." <- Mikey nailed it on the head. Splinter’s upset about Karai being hurt, but he IS also upset that she's also willing to hurt his sons too. He's very conflicted and upset about the whole situation, but he'd never tell his boys to not defend themselves at the least, and AGH

Karai yeeted the can over the edge of the roof and intended it to hit someone, but she didn't actually aim it very well because it was a blind throw over the edge of a roof. Hitting Raph on the forehead was pure chaotic luck.

Continued running gag of Karai intentionally or unintentionally blinding Leo, this time on accident as energy drink sprayed right into his poor eyes. You should probably just get goggles at this point Leo

Karai, as much as she hates Shredder, does still look to him as a figure she needs to impress and make proud. She approaches this with as much zeal as any changeling and hates that she has to control herself so much to avoid being suspiciously advanced for her age and training

"Humans were so, so far from perfect. Didn't mean she liked having to be imperfect." <- This chapter just has a lot of lines I like tbh

Despite how it may seem, Karai DOES have a good grasp on wounds and how much they NEED to heal before she can begin to push them without risking further injury. It's just that, well, risking further injury is an acceptable cost for... most things

The happiness Karai feels when he gives her permission to take longer to heal. He's showing he cares!! (Oh honey....)

Karai has no intention of taking longer to heal because now she HAS to impress him now by bouncing back faster

I try very carefully to point out when Karai refers to him as Oroku Saki or as Shredder- she's shrewd enough to spot when he's actually caring and showing his humanity, or when he's purely the madman we all love to hate

"Of course I'll kill Stockman" She is absolutely not going to kill Stockman

Karai’s acting is Good. She flat out lies to Shredder’s face multiple times in this scene

Karai actually begins to think of Stockman as HER minion now, including being possessive and protective of him. Shredder doesn't "deserve" him.

Shredder my man, do you know how many scientists you could recruit just by waving funny alien goo in their faces?? You wouldn't even need to pay most of them jfc

"you should never corner a nerd" PREACH Karai. Scientists aren't all passive geeks and soft nerdy bois. They can fuck you up oh my god. That's how you get shit like Iron Man

Mikey’s intuition strikes again- he KNEW tonight was a bad idea and he felt when the first wave of tranq darts was coming. Too bad he doesn't have the training to be able to recognize this as a legit warning and not just him feeling funny

Mikey not knowing what to do and immediately looking to Leo for instructions, only to realize Leo hasn't said anything in a bit *clutches chest*

Dancing Mikey strikes again. Using his intuition and his own natural talent to just. Dodge and flow through combat without taking a hit. I imagine this actually takes a lot out of him as he's actively channeling that intuition ability whether he knows it or not, and it wears him out pretty fast. Like flexing a muscle he doesn't usually intentionally use

Raph the Protector standing over Leo keeping him safe, and Mikey not even hesitating to turn his back to the fight and let Raph cover him because he knows big brother will keep him safe

Leo's kinda semiconscious in this scene. He's not knocked out, but he's definitely not awake. He'll only vaguely remember the events later. Those darts should've knocked him tf out but a mix of mutant biology and Leo's own stubbornness kept him awake to a degree

Mikey stopping to grab Leo's swords for him 😊😊

Leo's symptoms of tranq overdose are about the same as Donnie’s, if anyone was curious. But Donnie has bigger concerns to worry about plus is kinda unable to DO anything else so is able to sleep them off

Longs legs Mcgee in here got crammed into a tiny cage. rip donnies legs

I love writing Donnie. He's a mix of all the perception and knowledge I need to help set the scene without going too expositiony, but also I can manually cut off his stream of thoughts as him just personally redirecting his own rambling. This is great because I, unfortunately, tend to ramble a LOT lmfao

Donnie hasn't had his mask since this and I feel so bad

Kevin Michael Richardson's voice could kill me and I would thank him. The fact that he voices 2k12 Shredder is unholy. This man's voice gives me shivers. I feel so, so bad for every character who has to be menaced by That Voice. I try to emphasize how scary his voice is to the turtles because holy fuck dude

Shredder is enjoying tormenting poor Donnie

I couldn't remember if the turtles actually knew that Stockman was being held against his will via mutagen collar. If they did know tbh, I think they would've at least kinda tried to help?

The needle thingy is pretty much like a mini harpoon, though custom made to have a bomb installed. It's not supposed to go in torsos. Shredder came very close to actually killing Donnie if he happened to accidentally get it into a major vein

"Of course he was crying, like a child. Because he was really badly injured, and he was 15 years old!" A lot of villains seem to forget, not know, or just not care that they're fighting a bunch of kids. Shredder is a mix of all three

The fact that Donnie was thinking of what his brothers would do in his position, realized Raph would try to spit on him, and Donnie immediately tried to do that (he's probably lucky he was too dry mouther, Shredder would've beaten the crap out of him for it)

I love love love writing evil, unhinged monologues so writing Shredder’s insanity was a fucking delight. Poor Donnie

Yes, Shredder’s intentions aren't super clear with Donnie. Yeah, he definitely wants to torture the poor kid. Yes, he DOES need a scientist for the mutagen. But he also is totes cool with just killing him for the funnies. He hasn't decided yet

(This was in part because those pesky cognitive difficulties kicked in while writing the end of this speech and I got mightily confused myself. Later when editing I went back and realized it actually fit pretty well with Shredder’s decreasing sanity, so I cleaned it up a bit and kept it, rather than trying to make him stick to a singular goal)

The injury likely swells up a bunch, putting strain and pressure on most of Donnie’s torso. His lungs have a bit less room than they'd prefer to breathe- that's part of why he struggles with his breathing and lightheadedness

(Insert my First Aid rambles from the end notes in multiple chapters)

When you have an object Inside Your Body in places that things aren't supposed to go, it feels WEIRD. Even disregarding pain- your body's nervous system is entirely different INSIDE your body versus your skin. Worst thing I've ever felt- steroid injection in the foot, Dr poked the INSIDE OF MY SOLES on accident. It was the most invasive horrific feeling because things *aren't supposed to touch that* and personal note to yall- steroid injections are horrible, don't skimp on your foot health

"I love the dichotomy of Karai enjoying [Shredder’s] compliments and striving for his approval while still ABSOLUTELY hating his guts and planning to literally assassinate him."

Shout out to the one commenter who was having a heart attack over Donnie- glad you're okay 🧡🧡🧡

[boysssofthemonth]

Ocean blue | JJ Maybank

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Reader Genre: Fluff Warnings: None Words: 1500

"Well if it isn't the brightest ray of sunshine, y/n is it?" you looked over to the voice. You internally groaned, wary of just how much longer this hour was going to last.

"Well, don't look so damn happy to see me," JJ snorted leaning back on the plastic chair, arms reaching behind his head.

"Come sit, time to get to know each other," JJ smirked, the tip of his lips moved up. Providing him with a devilish, yet boyish expression. His hair fell effortlessly, covering a portion of his forehead. Despite the dishevelled appearance, it flattered his entire demeanour.

"I'm not that scary, see? I saved you a seat," JJ referred to the chair sitting in front of him. Ironically, it was an empty classroom, therefore every other seat was empty. You took in a breath, allowing the coldness to soothe you, before warily taking the seat.

As you got comfortable, placing your books on the table, JJ leaned forward on his elbows, resting them on top of the classroom desk. The heaviness of his stare penetrated through your soul. His gaze so captivating it took everything in you to not meet his eyes. "So, y/n?"

You eventually glanced up, charmed by the lure of his ocean-strong blue eyes. Infinite hues of sky blue, reminding you of spring in the middle of the day, when the sky was at it's most enthralling colour.

JJ gulped, seemingly in a trance. Up close you were even more beautiful. Your skin like glass, untouched by any imperfections. Your silky hair, tucked behind your ear, and every strand placed perfectly on your head. Your entire manner so soft and inviting, a golden aura surrounded your entire body, providing you with a bubble that kept you safe from evil. JJ thought maybe that is why you were always happy, contributing to everything that is good in this world - regarding everybody with such benevolence.

"Yes?" you questioned, for a flittering moment, JJ's eyes glanced at your mouth, before he coughed and examined the clock behind you.

"So, fifty-five minutes to get through this test. You ready?" JJ cocked an eyebrow.

"Y-yes," you cleared your throat, "let me just find it." JJ gave you a look of amusement. Inside you felt on edge, with this being your first time conversing with JJ. Of course you had heard every single rumour surrounding the guy. Being the open-minded person you were, a lot of what you heard you decided to leave on deaf ears. Living life with the idea that you wouldn't allow other's opinions dictate how you perceived other people's characters.

Although, you remained cautious. Regardless of this being your first exchange, there were numerous instances in which JJ's character was well defined with you bearing witness to it all. JJ was well known for his clownish behaviour, with a knack of creating chaos in the class room. Any way to gain the attention of his peers, JJ knew just how to stir the pot.

When your teacher asked you to review JJ's math test as he had ultimately failed it for the second time, you were mindful before accepting the challenge. Your duty included going over his incorrect answers (there were more wrong answers than correct ones), but to also aid him in revising for his last chance. His future depended on this as it wasn't in JJ's aspirations to have to repeat this class.

"God, can this be over?"JJ groaned, leaned back on his chair and ruffled his hair in frustration. You were amused but deep down, in the half an hour that you had spent fretting over finer details of his maths test, you had enjoyed listening to JJ's voice. In spite of his undeniable hatred of the topic, you allowed his smooth and velvety voice to compose the nerves you had been feeling in the beginning.

JJ had a way of charming those he conversed with. You could even say that JJ's charming personality could reach those simply within his vicinity, without having any face-to-face interaction. Although many knew him as a jokester, gaining attention of the public for his loud outbursts, and playful jokes. JJ had a way with his words, providing a source of entertainment to those around him and you especially.

To JJ, time might have felt as slow as watching water boil, but for you, you'd wish you had more time with him.

"You're doing great! Just ten more questions," you flipped over to the next page as you chuckled.

"What's so funny? My misery?" JJ fought hard to contain the smile seeking to make an appearance on his face. Just when he thought you couldn't get any more beautiful. Having witnessed your smile, and hearing your laugh up close had JJ feeling all sorts of butterflies.

But JJ was aware of how contrastingly your lives were. From your friend groups, to your own personalities, your dreams and aspirations. Everything about you and JJ were so ironically disparate that he thought of how funny it would be if you both dated.

Once the thought entered his brain, JJ couldn't think of anything else. Despite it being an amusing thought, he couldn't help but feel giddy inside. That maybe, he wouldn't treat you the way he treated other women he had been with. JJ knew how much of a diamond you were, if he had ever had the chance to hold it in his grimy and calloused hands. But he also knew that if he, for some ungodly reason, were given a chance to be yours, he would do anything in his power to keep you safe. To protect the bubble you were living in, and give you what you deserved even if he didn't have the means to do so.

"No, no. Nothing. Let's start the next question," you continued to attempt to hold your laughter. You glanced up at JJ who returned the gaze with a questioning look. Your stomach flipped at the way he looked. It was undeniable just how good looking JJ was, the whole school was well aware. He was a part of many girls' fantasies, and you heard his name float around the school in many occasions when girls discussed their crushes.

"Is there something on my face?" JJ grabbed his phone to access his camera. You couldn't hold it any longer, and let out a belly laugh. Holding on to your stomach, you hunched over the table, with the other hand covering your mouth. You watched the look of realisation cross over JJ's features, as he spotted the blue pen mark above his left cheek.

After wiping it away, JJ looked over at you unamused, "you're really gonna sit there and laugh at me while I'm at my most vulnerable?"

"Vulnerable? Please, how didn't you feel your pen touch your face?"

"Could have at least told me! How long has it been there?"

"At least twenty minutes," you snorted out a laugh as JJ regarded you in shock.

"That's pretty much almost the entire time we've been here," JJ gasped, shaking his head and faking his anger. If he could, he would have accessed the voice recording application on his phone and recorded the laugh you belted out. It brought him such joy knowing that he caused it.

"Come on, we don't have much time, we have to get through this," your laugh was slowly dying down.

"How come we've never talked before?" JJ completely ignored your advances of trying to get back to the original task at hand. You looked up from the paper in front of you with a quizzical look, unsure of why he had brought this up so suddenly.

"I don't know," you shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly, but you too had wondered the same, this connection between the two of you was felt on both ends and it was truly a mystery as to how you had never crossed paths despite attending the same school. To be fair, having had such different upbringings, social circles and aspirations could answer the mystery, but you were grateful now for the time that you do have. But you had wished for more.

"I guess we just have very different social circles," you decide on an answer, searching in the ocean-blue of JJ's eyes, for anything to prove to you that he was feeling the same connection.

"Well, I'd love to change that," JJ smiled, a genuine one. A smile that he realised he had been sporting the entirety of your time together. The fake one he had been accustomed to showing off, long gone, and in place of that, a real smile that JJ thought would never make an appearance again.

[wholesome-sharks]

Odysea Aquarium, Scottsdale AZ

Mom took me and my sister to the Odysea last month for my birthday! Sorry I haven't posted sooner but HERE ARE THE PICS!

This window over the downstairs bathroom sink was officially voted coolest bathroom in the USA (the plaque said 2017, I think). Why? Because it views into the Voyager shark tank. Trevally, other fish, and FIVE DIFFERENT SPECIES OF SHARKS swim past this window and will even go behind the bubble screen while people are washing their hands. I couldn't get a pic of the sandbar shark when it swam by the window bc it went by pretty quick. But this restroom is by the front entrance and it is the perfect appetizer to a gourmet experience.

Also, trevally are HUGE.

Here is the mascot species of the Odysea, a sand tiger/gray nurse/ragged tooth shark. The bubble fountain at the back of the photo hides the bathroom window.

The Sea Trek tank on the upper floor had mostly tropical fish, but it had a zebra shark and A BONNETTHEAD SHARK! SQUEEEEE!!!! Internally crying for joy!!!!

Brown-banded Bamboo Shark in the shark/ray touch aquarium. A couple of times while I was hanging out by this tank I saw it roll onto its side and scratch itself in the sand--I've seen that on video so I jumped whenever I saw it happen. The cownose rays in the touch tanks are absolutely spoiled and swim up to the surface for pets ASAP when they see you approach.

Benthic buddies: here's the brown-banded bamboo shark lying next to the white-spotted bamboo shark.

Magnificent zebra shark in the movie theater tank. The movie theater would play 10-minute videos and then move the screen back up between showings. I think this was probably my favorite tank. There was a second zebra shark (Stegostoma tigrinum) in this tank.

They also had LEOPARD SHARKS (Triakis semifasciata) !!!!!! again, my cup runneth over!

Epaulette sharks in the Great Barrier Reef tunnel. The one laying on the glass was a male and so he was flashing EVERYONE with his claspers (blurry pic--but maybe that's for the better). There was also an epaulette shark in the stingray touch tank.

Got to spend a few moments of shared eye contact with this epaulette shark💖

Back to the Voyager tank. Here is a sandbar shark and the head of a LEMON SHARK. There were at least two lemon sharks in the Voyager tank. It took me a moment to recognize them. The Voyager tanks are kind of dark, and ofc with no natural sunlight the lemon sharks don't get to show off their color properly. Maybe they should change the light fixtures.

Here's a sandbar shark again along with a view of the reef in the Voyager tank. Again, the trevally are ENORMOUS, bigger than the blacktip reef shark (either that, or BTRs are just small). I deliberately avoided taking too many photos and focused more on the experience, so these are just the highlights of the sharks. Also I've seen the giant Amazon rainforest fish before so no need to repeat.

Have some random aquarium denizens:

Aquarium review: They definitely put money and effort into making the aquarium a good home for the animals as well as engaging and educational for visitors. I was able to be up close and personal with the sharks, which was exactly what I wanted. I feel like the rotating Voyager exhibit is a little overrated--the cheesy Holiday-themed narration didn't help. Aquarium staff kept their distance but were helpful when needed. Starbucks on the second floor is nice. Super expensive but definitely worth it. 8 out of 10.

[autolenaphilia]

Whipping Girl is such a transfeminist classic at this point that it’s hard to review. Of course it wasn’t meant to be some definitive work on transness. There wasn’t much credible research, so Serano uses largely her own experiences to create her own observations on gender.

Of course, over the years the limits of her perspective has grown more obvious. Serano is a cis-passing middle-class white woman, and it limited her perspective. There are almost no discussion of racism in this book. Serano may have coined the word transmisogyny, but transmisogynynoir remains beyond her, at least in Whipping Girl.Her transfeminism lacks an anti-capitalist analysis. There is much valuable criticism of this book to be made, preferably written by black transfems.

Yet a lot of the criticism the book has actually received seems much overstated, and ultimately coloured by the very transmisogyny the book criticized. I’ve seen descriptions of this book as some anti-transmasc or NB-phobic screed, out of a few lines taken out of context. Pointing out the hypocrisy of Michfest barring trans woman from attending as audience members while allowing transmascs to take the stage is hardly hatred of transmascs. And describing how Serano went from identifying as bi-gender to becoming a trans woman and criticizing the ideology of subversivism is not to invalidate non-binary gender identites. I’m not entirely convinced by her “born this way” or “intrinsic inclinations” explanation for gender, but it’s hardly a gender essentialist ideology, as it actually tries to validate being trans or gender non-conforming. Again there are valid criticisms of Whipping Girl’s limitations, but this kind of criticism seems coloured by transmisogyny more than anything.

And there is so much that Whipping Girl gets right that it remains a vital text almost 16 years later. Serano’s main insight is that transfems are not just oppressed by transphobia or for breaking the gender binary, but also misogyny. That we are affected by an intersection of transphobia and misogyny, transmisogyny. It’s such a useful concept for understanding the world we live in. It enables us transfems to be included in feminist theory and analysis, while providing a method for criticizing our exclusion from it.

And the book is at its best when it analyses the impact of that transmisogyny, in both the daily life of transfems and in the media that talks about us. All the discrimination, mistreatment and hurtful comments we experience. The disgusting attitudes of our medical gatekeepers, who deny us healthcare if we are not straight, gender-conforming and passable/fuckable in their eyes. The misogyny of the media and literature, from hollywood films with disgusting and deceitful trannies, to radfem transmisogynistic screeds like Janice Raymond’s The Transsexual Empire, the dubious “research” by medical gatekeepers such as Ray Blanchard or how we are practically exploited in modern queer theory written by non-transfems. Again, Serano’s perspective is limited by her privileges, but the personal perspective gives the book a lot of its accessibility and emotional impact.

So despite Whipping Girl’s limitations it remains a very important book. Even allies to transfems should read it, with an open mind, and maybe they will learn something. Serano does sincerely try to reach out to allies with the book. And I especially recommend any transfems to read it, to help them understand what is being done to us. It provides such vitals tools to identify and criticize transmisogyny, both external and internalized.

[world-cinema-research]

Stand By Me (1986)

By Jensen Boles (THE 112C 01)

The movie I watched this week would be Stand By Me. Starring the likes of Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman, Jerry O'Connell, Kiefer Sutherland, and Richard Dreyfuss. The film was released August 22, 1986 and directed by Rob Reiner who also directed such films as The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally, as well as an adaptation of another Stephen King Novel known as Misery. The reason I chose this movie is because it happens to be one of my favorite movies of all time and every time I watch it I'm always reminded of the good times I used to have with my friends throughout my childhood.

Regarding the numbers at the box office, Stand By Me had a decent budget of 8 billion dollars for 1986 standards. It also made $52,287,414 domestically and only $1,236 internationally. Making a total worldwide budget of $52,288,650. While the opening weekend for this film was 0.5% of total gross, it also did rather poorly with their DVD sales with only $1,431,608 in total DVD sales (link for more details). The film was critically successful with positive ratings such as an 8.1/10 on IMDb, a 92% for rotten tomatoes, and a Metacritic rating of 75%. Regardless of the poor DVD sales as well as the poor international sales, this film has been deemed successful by fans and critics alike. Not to mention it made more money than the film's budget. One review that I found would be from The New York Times which says "Some 15-year-olds may well enjoy this tale about some 12-year-olds, so parents will have to decide how much they are willing to endure for their kids." I think this quote from the review means that certain age groups will have a deeper understanding of the movie once they watch it (link for the full review).

The movie begins with the narrator named Gordie Lachance who happens to be grown up in this scene and is reflecting on the summer of 1959 when he was only 12 years old, living in a small town in Oregon known as Castle Rock. Soon after we meet his friends named Teddy Duchamp and Chris Chambers playing poker in their clubhouse until another friend named Vern Tessio shows up and asks their friends if they can camp out for a sleepover when it turns out that they’re going to look for a dead body and they go on a 3 day hike to search for him, Vern found out about the body when he overheard a conversation about a missing kid named Ray Brower. The reason the kids are looking for the body is so that they become famous, however there’s a gang of bullies that also want to search for the missing kid and become famous as well (link for synopsis).

While the plot of the movie is a bit dark and depressing, I do personally think that it is good for establishing an emotional coming of age story, after all this movie is based on the novel by Stephen King entitled The Body. Despite the movie being R rated, I do think that the director wanted to target the movie to a certain age group who will deeply understand the movie (as I mentioned above). I also have to mention, the movie also has some really impactful scenes that people can somewhat relate to. Especially the ending where they mention how we have to say goodbye to our childhood (see clip below), you can tell that this has left an emotional impact on a lot of people who watched this movie, me included.

One of the limiting factors that I can think of for this film would be the R rating and how it limited most viewers under the age of 17 from seeing this movie when it first came out. By today's standards, this is still regarded as an all time classic and is also still being favored by fans and critics alike.

Although this film falls into the category of being conventional, there is one scene of the film that would be considered unconventional by some viewers. What happens in the scene is that Gordie tells a story about an obese kid looking to get revenge on the people that made fun of him because of his weight, and the kid gets revenge by entering a pie eating contest and creating what is known as a "Barf-o-rama" which involves him making the other contestants vomit as well as the attendees at the contest by vomiting on another contestant after drinking castor oil and eating a raw egg, as well as 5 blueberry pies. The reason why this would be considered unconventional is because the talk about vomit being used in a silly story that was thought up by a twelve year old, as well as being humor targeted towards middle school aged kids.

Overall, I have noticed a few personal things when rewatching this movie. Even though I have rewatched it a few times from when I last saw it at the age of 12, it would emotionally impact me more each time I would watch it, cause a lot of people can relate to not seeing their friends again after their childhood ends. For me personally, I can somewhat relate because I also have had many friends come in and out of my life.

[roninkairi]

MOVIE REVIEW- Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (Mild Spoiler Alert About Phoebe Included)

Let me get something off of my chest before we begin: I've been apprehensive about taking sites like Rotten Tomatoes or IGN seriously when it comes to reviews. I mean, I am aware that the purpose of the former is to show the average score of a movie among critics but I rarely take it at face value. (Hence my enjoyment of "The Super Mario Bros. Movie") and as for the latter, the quick summary of their review gave off the wrong kind of vibes, as if the person who wrote it was expecting some sort of Citizen Kane level masterpiece. And I get it, a lot of people set their expectations for a Ghostbusters movie, ANY movie, high. MAybe sometimes a little too high. For me, a good indication of whether or not I want to see a film is how the trailer portrays it. When I saw the trailers for Madame Web, for example, I wasn't too sure if it was something ! would want to see willingly in the theaters and, judging by critic and audience responses, my decision not to see it was well founded. The trailers for Frozen Empire however had the opposite effect, and I'm glad it did, as it really is a good movie all things considered.

Taking place about 3 years after the events of "Afterlife", the story returns us back to NYC where it all began: The Spenglers and Gary Grooberson have moved into the firehouse and take over the operations of the business, while Winston has opened up a new research center in Brooklyn (seriously, Brooklyn? I'm sure Queens would have had some better spots nearby.) However, the story begins to pick up steam once Ray acquires a relic that houses something decidedly sinister and soon, it will require both new and old team members to stop the threat.

The main story of course focuses on Phoebe and her rather rebellious streak (yeah, we all reached that part in our teen years when we thought we knew better) but surprisingly enough, Ray is also part of the story as sort of a mentor figure to Phoebe and Podcast (who, like Lucky, have become interns in the company as a way to explain why they are in New York). Both of them find themselves in a situation where they are sidelined because of their actions out on the field but for different reasons. Its interesting to note since we never really got to see much of Ray's interactions in the first two movies (of course the video games counter this) and Phoebe's character is slowly fleshed out more; here she is quick to anger, seems more assured of herself and more impulsive, which gets her into trouble. In short: she's a teen with a unlicensed nuclear accelerator on her back and a chip on her shoulder. Oddly enough though, she is the one sibling between herself and Trevor who seems to have gotten more attention in the potential romance department. While it's good to see Lucky return, I wished they had tried to further the potential relationship between herself and Trevor, as hinted at in the end of the previous movie. But for the purposes of the story, it's Phoebe and her maybe-girlfriend that we get to explore (yes, you read that right but I won't elaborate further since that is a big Twinkie to digest). Trevor gets relegated to a mini side story with an old ghost friend however...

That's another thing I wanted to touch on, the side stories themselves. Kumali Ali Nanjiani, one of the supporting cast members, said in an interview this movie drew inspiration from The Real Ghostbusters" cartoon series and in many aspects, it feels that way. The tone of each plot point, while seemingly independent, can at times feel like it could be part of a TV show narrative; from the cold opening to Ray's investigation into the legend of Garakka, if the film was indeed a portal into making a limited series it would fit right in. We are left with wanting to see more about the new lab that Winston has set up, the new tech guy, even more about the library but we only have so much time. And you want to see more of the Spengler/Grooberson family dynamic but we got an evil ghost god to contend with. Its a fun ride though, especially towards the end. But if we only got 20 MORE MINUTES, oh the possibilities. Does this mean its bad? No, its a good film. This is something you can definitely sit down and enjoy. But you will want more lore out of it. And hopefully when the next film comes out (and lets face it we will get one sooner or later) we will see the story take more risks. The good kind of risks too.

And MAYBE Phoebe and Trevor go on a double date.