#ramifications or something. but I do not know how to explain to people that maybe only focusing on stories about (cis abled) white men is..

[musical-chick-13]

Once again: the so-called "General Fandom History," in terms of which things get held up as Iconic™ or Well-Done™ or Worth Analyzing™ has disproportionately focused on (cis, abled) white men. Some of us would like to not have everything be focused on this one demographic and would, in fact, love to not constantly hear--implicitly or explicitly--how stories about people like us are inherently less interesting or less worthy of telling.

"Remember your history," WE KNOW THE HISTORY. AND WE WANT TO MOVE ON.

[beholdthemem]

Been on a nostalgia kick lately, re-reading a lot of childhood favorites, and one thing in Dealing With Dragons that hits differently when you read it as an adult is that Cimorene is young.

Like- as a kid, you hear 'sixteen' and figure that's ancient. Practically grown up. In your mind she's basically the same as Kazul and Morwen, and the narrative doesn't seem to challenge that. But then you go back and read this...

"It's just as well that your visitors HAVE been honorable," Morwen said, looking thoughtful. "Linderwall's a prosperous kingdom. Sooner or later, the chance of getting hold of half of it is going to tempt someone to try rescuing you whether you want to be rescued or not."

"...that hadn't occured to me," Cimorene said with a worried frown.

...and you are abruptly reminded that Cimorene is in some ways still a kid.

Like, Cimorene's an intelligent young woman, she's very resourceful, independent and capable, but that does not change the fact that she has a total of only sixteen years' worth of life experience. A very sheltered sixteen years at that- being a princess means she's been constantly supervised, and maybe kept from learning some things that another girl her age might have already worked out. The knights and princes trying to rescue her from Kazul are certainly very annoying, but it's never occurred to her that they could actually be DANGEROUS- because she's never been in a position where they would be. Credit where credit's due, as soon as Morwen gently points this out Cimorene immediately starts doing some mental calculations to figure out other ramifications of her change in status from Princess Of A Kingdom to Dragon Princess without needing to be hand-held, but it definitely would not have occurred to her otherwise.

I think another reason Cimorene's youth never registered with me before, though- and this is a positive one!- is that while Kazul and Morwen are definitely aware of it, they don't treat her like a child. Like- they give her advice. At times they'll politely challenge some assumptions she's grown up with but never explored. They explain things to her that they might not have to with someone else. But never once in that entire book do they EVER talk down to her. There is nothing she's Too Young To Understand, no topic that's off limits, her intelligence is respected and her contributions to discussions about spells/cookery/what to do about the wizard infestation are treated as valuable. And while it's never really acknowledged, we know from Cimorene's life pre-Kazul that this is not an experience she's had before.

Honestly? I find myself wondering if part of Cimorene's constant attempts to learn 'un-princessy' skills as a kid were due, in part, to being treated a certain way while learning the traditional ones. She complained about her embroidery/dancing/diplomacy lessons, but later we realize that she... maybe didn't hate the subjects of those lessons. She's good at them. She considers them (in some ways) useful. But one thing we observe is that no matter how old the princesses in the story get, they are in some ways treated like permanent children, and that drives Cimorene NUTS. I think if those lessons weren't so firmly tied to that infantilization, she might not have resented them so much, but because they were, she was forever seeking out skills practiced by people who (even if they were of lower status) were given a kind of respect she was never likely to get.

When she becomes Kazul's princess and meets Morwen, though, Cimorene finds for the first time that she can get respect WITHOUT having to shed her princess-hood. Similarly, her youth is never treated as a point against her- it's not... an inherent personality trait. If she doesn't understand something, they never react as though that's part for the course, and that there's no way she COULD be expected to understand, they just teach her. They acknowledge her youth, and do try to keep her safe, but in the same way they would for each other. They treat her like an equal.

I like that a lot.

Tl,dr: a mentor who can let you learn while still treating you with unquestioned respect is a wonderful thing, and Dealing With Dragons illustrates that in a really subtle but effective way.

[mot-hesbian]

I'm back on my Lily bs, especially with my headcanons

Ttpd is so Lily, Blair, and Jenny coded (some Serena but I feel like she's Evernights in a way I can't explain)

Here is my list from The Anthology

Fortnight- it's Dair, I have literally nothing else to say

The Tortured Poets Department- this is either post breakup derena or maybe dair

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys: controversial take: this isn't 🪑. The vibes are wrong, it's Lily and William during their marriage (if you've read my fics you know what I mean by that. I have many feelings about them.)

Down Bad: Rufly??? Dair??? Serenate vibes??? 🪑???? Jagnes??? Who knows? It fits them all so well

So Long, London: it's 🪑. That's it. She tried so hard to hold on but he kept drifting away.

"You say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it, my white knuckle dying grip holding onto your quiet resentment. And my friends say it isn't right to be scared, everyday of a live affair, every breath feels like rarest air, and you're not sure if he wants to be there"

"You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days"

"you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the alter waiting for the proof"

But Daddy I Love Him: Rufly, pure and simple.

"I'm running with my dress unbuttoned, screaming but Daddy I love him"

"I'll tell you something right now, I'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to I've more second of all this bitching and moaning"

"I'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace"

"there's a lot of people in town that I bestow upon my fastest smile, scandal does funny things to pride but brings Lovers closer"

"now I'm dancing in my dress in the sun... I'm his lady, and oh my God you should see your faces. Time, doesn't it give some perspective? And no, you can't come to the wedding."

Fresh Out The Slammer: the 🪑 and Louis to Dair pipeline. She knows who her first call will be to. And so do we.

Florida: I saw someone say this song is Ivy and Lola, and yeah, that's them if they had a decent storyline. Also, Jagnes. Jenny and Lily. Serena. Blair would never go near Florida outside of spring break.

Guilty As Sin?: I saw an edit of Rufly to this song and now all I can think of when I listen to it is them is season 1 (pre hook up) and season 2 (pre relationship). Lily and Serena's talk in season 1, the Thanksgiving episodes, the winter dance episode, the whole PI bs, everything with Allison tbh

"what if he's written "mine" on my upper thigh, only in my mind"

"without ever touching his skin, how can I be guilty as sin?"

Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me?: It's Jenny.

"I am what I am cuz you trained me"

"you caged me then called me crazy" "I'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?"

"I was tame, I was gentle til the circus life made me mean, don't you worry folks, we took out all her teeth"

"I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street, crash your party like a record scratch as I shriek "who's afraid of little old me?" You should be"

"At all costs keep your good name" "Is it a wonder I broke? Let's hear one more joke"

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can): 🪑

"the smoke cloud billowed out his mouth like a freight train through a small town. The jokes he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud."

"Your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger, I can fix him. No, really, I can. And only I can."

Loml: Season 1 and 2 Derena

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart: Lily, Jenny, Blair, and a hint of Serena.

"All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting "more". I was grinning like I'm winning, I was hitting my marks, cuz I can do it with a broken heart."

"Cuz I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit. They said "babe, you gotta fake it til you make" and I did."

The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived: Lily and William. I'm obsessed with them and the psychological ramifications his existence alone has on her, your honor. Like, I hate him, I hate them, but I'm fascinated by how horrible their relationship is. Also, Eric and William to a degree. Serena never seems to reach this point.

"Was any of it true? Gazing at me starry-eyed in your Jehovah's Witness suit. Who the fuck was that guy?"

"And I don't even want you back, I just want to know, if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal"

"you hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins. In public, showed me off"

"you didn't measure up, in any measure of a man"

"And you'll confess why you did it, and I'll say "good riddance," cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden. I would've died for your sins, instead I just died inside. And you deserve prison but you won't get time"

"You kicked out the stage lights but your still performing"

"and in plain sight you hid, but you are what you did. And I'll forget you but I'll never forgive"

The Alchemy: Lily and Blair in gen tbh, but specifically with Rufus and Dan.

"cuz the sign on your heart says it still belongs to me"

"he jokes that it's heroin but this time with an 'e'"

"what if I told you I'm back? The hospital was a drag, worst sleep that I ever had, I circled you on a map. I haven't come around in so long, but I'm coming back so strong/to where I belong"

"so when I touch down, call the amateurs and cut 'em from the team. Ditch the clowns, take the crown, cause I'm the one to beat."

Clara Bow: it's the Cece (Clara) to Lily (Stevie) to Blair (Taylor) to Jenny (the new gen) pipeline for me. I can't explain how Cece fits, but she does. (Serena being told all the fresh air bs her entire life can be applied here as well)

"This town is fake, but you're the real thing. Breath of fresh air through the smoke rings. Take the glory, give everything. Promise to be dazzling"

"You look like Clara Bow in this light, remarkable. All your life did you know? You'd be picked like a rose."

"You look like Stevie Nicks in '75, the hair and lips. The crowd goes wild at her fingertips, half moonshine, a full eclipse."

"You look like Taylor Swift in this light, we're loving it. You've got edge she never did, the future's bright. Dazzling"

"the crown is stained, but you're the real queen, flesh and blood amongst war machines. You're the new god we're worshipping. Promise to be... Dazzling"

"Beauty is a beast that roars, down on all fours demanding "more." Only when your girlish glow flickers just so do they let you know, it's hell on earth to be heavenly. Them's the breaks, they don't come gently."

The Black Dog: Lily and William

"and so I watch as you walk into some bar called The Black Dog and pierce new holes in my heart"

"And it hits me, I just don't understand, how you don't miss me. In The Black Dog, when someone plays The Starting Line and you jump up, but she's too young to know this song that was intertwined with the magic fabric of our dreaming. Old habits die screaming."

"And I may never open up the way I did for you. And those best laid plans. You said I needed a brave man and proceeded to play him until I believed it too."

"now I want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes. And hire a priest to exorcize my demons, even if I die screaming"

"Six weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke"

"I hope it's shitty, in The Black Dog"

imgonnagetyouback: Lily and William and 🪑, Serena during her one-sided pining for Dan era.

"even if it's handcuffed I'm leaving here with you"

The Albatross: help, it's so Lily coded I can't

"Wise men once said, "Wild winds are death to the messenger," a rose by any other name is a scandal. Cautions issued, he stood shooting the messengers. They tried warning him about her."

"wise men once said "one bad seed kills the garden" "one less temptress, one less dagger to sharpen". Locked me up in towers, but I'd still visit in your dreams, and they tried to warn you about me."

"devils that you know, raise worse hell than a stranger. She's the death you chose, you're in terrible danger."

"cross your thoughtless heart, only liquor anoints you. She's the Albatross, she is here to destroy you"

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus: Serenate or platonic Eric and Jenny works too

"if you want to break my cold, cold heart, just say "I loved you, the way that you were"

"I changed into goddesses, villains and fools, changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules all to outrun my desertion of you and you just watched it."

"could it be enough to just float in your orbit?can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses? Cooler in theory but not if you force it to be, it just didn't happen"

How Did It End?: Blair and Louis, more specifically Blair after the accident

"guess who we ran into at the shop, walking in circles like she was lost"

So High School: Rufly and Eleanor x Cyrus, I will not accept criticism

"I feel so high school when I look at you, cuz look at you"

"and in the blink of a crinkling eye, I'm sinking, our fingers entwined. Cheeks pink in the twinkling lights, tell me 'bout the the first time you saw me. I'll drink what you think, and I'm high from smoking your jokes all damn night, the brink of a wrinkle in time."

I Hate It Here: Lily and Jenny, they chose this life, regardless of how that choice was made, and it made them feel worthless. They both need to escape, they disappear into their different vices to help them cope.

"tell me all your secrets, all you'll ever be is my eternal consolation prize"

"if comfort is a construct, I don't believe in good luck, now I know what's what. I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind, people need a key to get to, the only one is mine"

"I will go to lunar valleys in my mind, when they find a better planet only the gentil survived. I dreamt about it in the dark, the night I felt like I might die"

"I'm lonely, but I'm good. I'm bitter, but I swear I'm fine. I'm save all my romanticism for my inner life, and I'll get lost in purpose. This place made me feel worthless."

thanK you aIMee: Jenny and Blair in high school

"all that time you were throwing punches, I was building something. And I can't forgive the way you made me feel. Screamed "fuck you, Aimee" to the night sky as the blood was gushing. But I can't forget the way you made me heal."

"I built a legacy you can't undo, but when I count the scars there's a moment of truth. That there wouldn't be this, if there wasn't you."

I Look In People's Windows: it's Bart era rufly

"what if your eyes looked up and meet mine one last time"

The Prophecy: Jenny and Blair

Cassandra: I cannot explain it but this is Lily

Peter: Carter and Serena?????? Is that you???? She's Peter

"are you still a mind reader? A natural scene stealer? I've heard great things Peter"

"the goddess of timing, once found us beguiling, Peter was she lying? My ribs say she did"

"lost in the lost boys chapter of your life"

The Bolter: Oh look, new Lily song just dropped. And Serena. To quote @strideofpride it always comes back to mothers and daughters

"with a quite bewitching face. Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, excellent fun til you get to know her."

"then she runs like it's a race, behind her back her best mates laughed and they nicknamed her "the Bolter""

"she's been many places with men of many faces, first their off to the races and she's laughing drawing aces but none of it is changing that the chariot is waiting. Hearts are hers for the breaking, there's escape in escaping."

"all her fucking lives flashed before her eyes, it feels like the time she fell through the ice, then came out alive"

"and at first blush this is fate. When it's all roses, portrait poses, central park lake row boats... That's when she sees the littlest leaks and just knows, she must bolt."

"ended with the slam of a door, then he'll call her a whore, wish he wouldn't be sore but if she was leaving it felt like breathing."

Robin: Eric, this is legit Lily and Serena when literally anything involves Eric

I can't even draw up lines, it's the whole song

The Manuscript: any relationship involving Blair

"all that's left is the manuscript, one last souvenir from my trip to your shores. Now and then I reread the manuscript, but the story isn't mine anymore."

[undercrowns]

@loveisworry tagged me eons ago to list nine books that I like/would recommend. I'm finally reading again so here we go, vaguely sorted fiction -> non-fiction:

The Thief, Megan Whalen Turner: I think it's best to go into The Thief knowing as little as possible so I won't say much about the plot, instead I'll say that MWT is truly a master at using structure and form to convey character and narrative ideas! THE heist novel of all time. Also these books make you insane so there's that

Piranesi, Susanna Clarke: Honestly one of the books of the decade. Extremely different from Jonathan Strange if you've only read that one; it drops you in the deep end from the first word which I always admire (try not to know too much about this one going in either. In fact I'd mistaken it for a completely different book at first and kept wondering when the House was going to turn into the magical school I thought the book was about). Features many topics that interest me: the self as an idea and the mutability thereof, buildings that are maybe alive and maybe love you, loving and caring about people even when things suck so bad

Watchmaker of Filigree Street/Lost Future of Pepperharrow: Natasha Pulley I love you. Do you want to learn a lot about clocks while also losing it as everything goes in the wrong direction. You should. I'd recommend all of Pulley's books (still trying to get my hands on an ARC of the new one!), but Pepperharrow is my favorite of the bunch; I felt every available human emotion reading it and potentially a few others. They're all also SO funny to me while also making me cry multiple times. (originally read these after they appeared on many @lotstradamus rec lists, truly thank you)

Lives of the Monster Dogs, Kirsten Bakis: I don't know that I've ever read anything quite like this book and I have a tough time explaining it. I wrote in my rec to a friend that it's about being nostalgic for something that was painful for everyone involved, but at the same time held so much genuine wonder. Also about trying to understand your place in a world that has no place for you. I don't know what else to say; I loved it.

Wolf Hall, Hilary Mantel: I love a SCHEMER I love INTRIGUE I love to feel a creeping sense of inevitable dread spread out over three books! Hilary Mantel was simply a genius

The Multitude, Hannah Faith Notess: I debated what (if any) poetry to put on this list and in the end I went with The Multitude simply because I think many people haven't heard of it and Yoshi: A Pastoral is one of my favorite ever poems. beloved i will wait for you / always in the roadless shade

H is for Hawk, Helen Macdonald: I came to this a few years after it was popular so maybe everyone has read it already, but I think it's a lovely meditation of grief and nature and how sometimes you just have to pick a (very specific and maybe odd) thing and do it to get through life

Fighting at Sea in the Eighteenth Century, Sam Willis: I love an extremely niche book and I LOVE boats, particularly tall ships. This book was basically made specifically for me, in that it's clearly a labor of love by someone very knowledgeable on a topic that I'm already interested in. If anyone has recs in this vein (about ships or not) please send them my way!!

On the Death and Life of Languages, Claude Hagège (Tr. Jody Gladding): Another of the niche topic books, this time about how and why languages die out and the ramifications of their loss. I haven't read the original French so I can't comment on the faithfulness, but the translation is wonderfully done imo. Some turns of phrase I'm still thinking about

Honorary Mentions: The Lymond Chronicles, Dorothy Dunnett (only read if you're willing to be in over your head but if you are!!!! they are a masterpiece) The Locked Tomb series, Tamsyn Muir (very polarizing books, I'm obsessed), the Temeraire series, Naomi Novik (dragons fighting in the Napoleonic wars largely featuring the Navy, tailored exactly to my interests)

tagging if you want @valentinetexass @veryspecificfantasies @unrealcities !

[cyanocoraxx]

short thing abt neo's psychosis

-

"Don't feel well."

Silver and Mecha both looked up to see their middle sibling signing something. He hadn't signed anything for most of the evening, so to have him speak all of a sudden - especially something like that - was a little odd.

Sign gave the brothers some privacy at the table. The usual suspects were with them at the restaurant - Amy, Tails, Knuckles, but Sonic couldn't make it. Figures. Fashionably late or just rude?

"Explain." Mecha gently offered, moving to sit a little closer.

Neo's optics flicked to the organics at the table for a moment, making sure that they weren't paying too much attention. His body language was noticeably stiff, nervous, and closed off - shoulders hunched to make himself smaller, leaning into the table as if for stability, claws tapping in an uneven rhythm against his armour plating in search of pressure.

Mecha waited patiently, watching with interest as Neo tried to self-soothe in his own ways. When Neo was in a poor mental state, he was often slower to reply - unusual for him, as he was usually so quick-witted and fierce in conversation.

"Episode." Neo eventually signed, chancing another nervous glance to the other beings around him. He was being paranoid and he knew it, he had that insight, but a lack of control over it even so. He worried that they were talking about him between themselves, perhaps telepathically, even if that was illogical for organics to be capable of.

Psychosis was something that Neo still didn't feel ready to speak about around his organic companions. His recovery from his deepest episode was a year or so behind them all now, but the ramifications of what he did during it still stayed with him - and with all of them, too. Even if they would smile and say it was alright if he told them, he knew that, deep down, they would be frightened. Afraid that it could happen again. But nobody was more afraid of that happening than Neo was, and that was something that he felt so many people would never understand. That terror gripped him somewhere deep in his core with claws sharper than his own.

All it took was that single "E" word. Silver and Mecha followed their unspoken routine straight away of making an excuse for them to leave swiftly and smoothly.

"One of the Pawns needs us back home for some security problem-" Silver quickly stepped in, stretching an arm above his head as if tired, "so we gotta go home now. Sorry to leave you guys hanging, maybe next time?"

"Aw, man! And the food isn't even here yet." Knuckles lamented, sitting back in his chair with a disappointed sigh. "Well, later, I guess."

"Oh, okay! Let us know when you get home safe!" Tails offered a smile and a thumbs-up to the robots, knowing that they often had their own private things going on. He didn't hold it against them.

"I know, sorry Knuckles- shit happens. And we will, Tails, thank you." Silver sheepishly apologized as he stood, and with Mecha's assistance, began to walk down the evening-lit street of Station Square with their middle sibling.

"It's okay." Silver murmured softly, holding Neo's hand securely and lovingly. "Let's just get home, you're all good. What happened? Too much going on?"

Neo nodded somberly. His optics darkened, reflecting how he truly felt - and Chaos it was a relief to be able to drop the sociable mask.

"Tell me about it, bro. The guys are nice and all, but they sure do know how to talk… and all the other noise, and being around people who used to hate us, it's just a lot to deal with." Silver agreed, keeping his brother close. "In my mind, it's overstimulating too, you know, being stuck in one place with all that stuff happening- what I mean is, you don't need to be disappointed or upset with yourself for this." Silver continued with a casual tone, trying to keep things normal. He gently released Neo's hand to allow him to sign more freely.

"Thought… remission." Neo explained his disappointment and anxiety with just two words, finding himself unable to speak as eloquently as he had before. The frustration of this brought a squint to his optics, and he looked down to the ground as if to avoid looks of shame - yet nobody was looking at him that way, and his brothers never would.

Mecha conducted a brief scan of Neo's systems and found something of interest. "Brother, you have failed to enter a full sleep mode cycle for one week. This is likely the cause of your relapse. Why have you avoided sleep mode for this amount of time?"

Neo paused, fumbling for words in his CPU that wouldn't come. What he wanted to say was - this was probably just some self-fulfilling prophetic cycle. He didn't sleep because he wanted to stay awake, and then he couldn't sleep because he was in prodrome, and now he couldn't sleep because he was in the active phase. In lieu of using any words, he sent his power status logs to Mecha and stayed quiet. Mecha mused over the data privately.

"Is my favourite one back?" Silver asked, still keeping a casual tone as he spoke.

"Bird? Yes." Neo replied briefly, gesturing with his elbow towards an unseen blue Flicky.

"I love that one. It's nice to you-" Silver replied with a small smile, before sensing he was being watched. His tone quickly changed in defense of his sibling.

The trio got a few looks of... concern? Confusion? Didn't matter either way. Silver was sure to shoot those people judgemental looks right back. He noticed one Mobian reach for their phone whilst watching them, as if to either call the cops or record them, and Silver quickly shut them down by baring his fangs at them. Next step would have been barking, but they quickly scuttled away into the side road. The public response made Neo feel ashamed, and he looked away toward the darker shadows of alleyways.

"Don't mind those idiots, bro. If they take a picture I'll bite 'em." Silver reassured Neo, being sure to bring Neo close to his side. "Wouldn't wanna mess with my bite force. You know I can crunch steel like it's candy. Plus, they don't even know about the nice Flicky that follows you, they're just jealous that they don't have a friend like that."

Meanwhile, Mecha kept a dutiful lookout to be sure that they would be safe on their walk home. She made sure to lead them away from crowded roads while keeping the route familiar. Neo's psychosis was no problem for the brothers, but Neo's immense power was somewhat of an issue - if he mistakenly thought there was an enemy ahead, he may act in self-defense and get into trouble. That was not what the brothers wanted at all, for obvious reasons.

And none of that was Neo's fault. To blame him would be cruel and unjust, and Silver and Mecha were well aware of that. They loved him no matter the situation.

"GUN following." Neo signed, glancing up to the sky with worry. This was another common hallucination of Neo's, and was the reason why the brothers avoided taking him home by flight.

"Oh, that? That's just a regular passenger plane, promise. I wonder where they're going today? Maybe to some tropical island resort?"

"GUN would not chance such a brazen attack, brother. We also made peace with the organization, if you recall." Mecha added gently, leading them around a parked car. "It is far more likely to be, as Silver suggested, a commercial passenger flight bound to some faraway destination. Not any of our concern."

Neo nodded slowly, and continued to follow with the utmost trust in his siblings to lead the way. With Mecha there to protect him, and Silver there to lift his spirits, Neo started to believe he would be okay again as he always was. The imaginary dragon's tail trailing behind him wrapped around them to protect them in turn in a silent, I love you, a silent, thank you.

-

The phone rang in Neo's room. He hesitated, discerning whether the sound was real or just another lousy hallucination, but he took a chance and picked it up. A familiar voice greeted him on the other end, and he immediately relaxed at the confirmation.

"Bro?"

Neo stayed quiet, instead focusing wholly on understanding the words spoken to him.

"I got a feeling you don't feel so hot. Mental link things."

Neo nodded to himself, forgetting that Sonic couldn't see his affirmation.

"You can't sleep either?"

"Too loud now." Neo finally responded, in the code that only he, Sonic, and his robot siblings could understand.

"I'm sorry, bro. I think it's… kinda my fault?"

Neo gave a quizzical beep - how on Earth did this come back around to Sonic? He moved to sit on his bed, figuring this might be a long conversation.

"I've not been getting my z's for the past week. My mind just won't settle and I'm always busy, you know? But I forgot- and I'm sorry- that we share this thing. We gotta look after ourselves."

Neo swatted an invisible fly from his nose. "Chicken and egg."

Sonic gave a laugh at the strange wording, but knew exactly what Neo meant by the phrase. "I dunno which one of us got like this first. Does it matter?"

"No."

The organic on the end of the phone snickered. "Neither of us seem capable of slowing down, do we?"

"Not for you."

"Touché. Welp, that leads me to the next question- which one of us can get to sleep the fastest?"

"Challenge?"

"Duh. Everything we do together is a challenge, Neo. I'll stay on the phone with you, and no cheating, got it?"

"How would I cheat?!" Neo asked, an exasperated tone becoming clear in his beeps. That was more like him, and the moment of clarity instantly brought him some confidence.

Sonic couldn't help but laugh. "I-I dunno, man- low power mode? If you have that? It's not the same as stand-by or whatever. Don't ask me, Tails is the one who's good with tech."

Neo moved to lie down on his side, holding the phone to his free ear with a roll of his optics. "Shutdown closes all of my programs and clears my RAM but does not shut off my kernel. This is close enough."

Sonic took a moment to appreciate the longer sentence, smiling to himself in the privacy of his own home. "A kernel? Like computer popcorn? Didn't take you for a foodie."

"No. That is Silver's… thing." Neo responded, shuffling a little to get comfortable. "A kernel is the core of an operating system. It has complete control over everything."

"Then let's cook that kernel and get some shut-eye. I'm tired as heck now. Laying down in three, two, one…"

True to his word, Sonic remained on the other end of the phone, and Neo forced himself into shutdown for an eight-hour cycle. Mecha peered into the room and lingered for a moment, watching her sibling rest like he deserved, and felt a sense of peace wash over her. She gave a single nod before turning off the lights. Her brother was a fighter through and through, and to battle with this affliction so young and with so much trauma brought her a deep sense of pride in him.

The snore on the other end of the phone almost got a laugh from Mecha. Almost. Neo curled up close to the phone as if trying to be closer to his organic sibling too, just before all power left his circuits.

"Sleep well, dragons. We shall try again tomorrow, and again the next day if that is what you need. There is power in rest."

[creativemercinary]

An Open Letter To Content Creators Migrating From Twitter,

(But mostly to @tubbosfriend since he seems to be the first one here)

Hi! Welcome to Tumblr! As you may have already noticed, most who have found your blog have greeted you with... mixed responses, to put it lightly. Some might have treated you well, but a lot of us here don't really like new people, especially not those who are name-recognizable and may be expecting something more like Instagram or Twitter (before the muskrat decided to make changes, at least)

I can't say I'm not concerned about platform-wide ramifications, I'm willing to give yall a chance here on the hellsite i call home, so here's a breakdown of what you should know:

1. We don't want the platform to change

The biggest concern I've seen from fellow tumblrinas is the platform shifting from prioritizing the users to prioritizing companies and advertisers. We like not having an algorithm. We like only seeing what the people and hashtags we follow post (by the way! You can change your dashboard to (the far superior) chronological mode! Here's a link to a post explaining how to change it!). And we like being anonymous little gremlins

We do not want Tumblr to recommend us posts on an algorithm, have verification, remove our anonymity, or (god forbid) sell our information to advertisers and companies

We are concerned that, if content creators, celebrities, influencers, and companies join Tumblr (especially without knowing how to work within the ecosystem that Tumblr users have created), that Tumblr the company will shift to prioritizing companies and advertisers over us and implementing all of the things I mentioned that we do not want (but advertisers do!)

As such, some of us have taken aggressive measures to try to drive you off. Because a lot of us see you being here as the first step in that change. They think that, if they drive you off, it'll send a message to anyone who wants to treat the platform as Twitter 2.0 (especially companies) that they are not welcome here, so they won't even try to join

Now you know why we're wary. So, if you wish to join Tumblr and not use it for marketing (if you wish to use it mostly for marketing, you may as well leave now, this is not the place for you), what do you do?

2. How to be a tumblrina (and hopefully not get killed kungpow penis'ed in the process)

The every first thing you want to do is be one of us. (And for those who may need to hear it), don't act like you're special just because you create content that a lot of people love. The best-case scenario for you is us not thinking of you as "content creator who happens to be on tumblr," but "just some guy who just so happens to create particular content"

But how do you be like us? Here's the basics:

Follow people and reblog shit. Liking a post (giving it a little heart) will not make it more visible. If you want to help make the post more visible, reblog it (it's the button on the bottom of posts that look kinda like a replay button. It'll turn green after you click it. You can try it with this post, if you'd like!). Follow some hashtags you like and some people you like the stuff of! And if you're a content creator, you can maybe consider reblogging fanart from your fans! Even the most popular blogs here (with the exception of some blogs with hyper-specific themes) reblog stuff from other people

Interact with other tumblrinas! This may be a bit risky if you think someone may dislike you being a content creator, but the best way to let us get used to you is to interact with others. You can do so by commenting on posts, adding your own thoughts when you reblog, or answering asks! (Asks can be turned on in settings!) Though I understand if you're worried about receiving hate in asks and you want to keep them off for now. If you are okay with having asks on, I would recommend keeping anonymous asks off to reduce the risk of receiving hate (ppl find it easier to be cruel when they're hiding behind anon)

If you want to reblog stuff but the posts don't fit your main blog's theme, you can make a side blog! It's an alt blog you can access on your main account. It can do everything a main blog can EXCEPT like & comment on posts

Since a lot of us value our privacy here, selfies are seldom ever posted. Sometimes they are, but posting predominately selfies will out you as either a new member or a bot. We don't like bots (except for haiku bot. Haiku bot can stay. Hell, go follow haiku bot)

Put your blog in chronological order. Seriously. Do it. Here's the post that explains how to do it if you missed it the first time

If someone is harassing you, block them. Block them and be done with it. Trust me. We don't use blocks like a fine spice here, we use it like salt or sugar. Block people who are harassing you. Block terfs. Block porn bots. Hell, block the blogs you don't like the vibes of. The rest of us do it, so can you

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT interact with company-run blogs. We hate them more than we'll ever dislike you. Some of us are willing to give you a chance. None of us will afford the same to them. The best way to keep them off our site is to not give them any attention whatsoever. Block them and be done with it

That's all I really have to say. I wish you the best of luck and sincerely hope you're able to adapt to our beloathed hellsite without too much harassment

Here's another post talking about some of the things I already said if you want a summary

[2n2n]

Thoughts on the last chapter? Do you like it, Hate it? Why do you think Sakura wants to tell Yashiro what she want to know? What is she after? And about what she said about Tsukasa. "Though there is little time until the boundary collapses… the eyes of that boy cannot reach us". Does this confirm your theory about Tsukasa and while the boundary is collapsing he cannot see a thing because he will be unconscious while getting the power of the destroyed yorishiro back? Because the panel showed him to be somehow unconscious and Sakura said she wants to use this particular time. What do you think?

LOVED IT so on board extremely jazzed really really really idealistic and honestly 'went further' both with its messaging and romance than I ever thought it would. Made me really feel the fear of God about the ramifications all of this has for romance in this manga. THE RAMIFICATIONS FOR THE SHINJUUUUUU!!! Didn't think it could get so raw. Would lay down my body for AidaIro to use as a bridge or something if they needed…. I'll lay in puddles for them to crosss..... art… poetry….. romance….. it couldn't get better for me. All of my chickens are coming home to roost. I trust the process.

I think as with the teaparty chapter, that Sakura feels a kinship with Nene as a result of being a similar sort of person to her. If Sakura really does have 'special powers', then she's just like Nene-- and maybe just like Nene, has a history of being manipulated or exploited by others due to those powers. I'm sure having any sort of 'powers' just leads to you becoming conscripted into other's service and obligated to certain tasks… people like Nene or Sakura are very rare (Teru calls Nene special...).... I doubt Sakura's has had much opportunity to ever meet another girl like herself, and nobody but her is ever going to understand the position Nene is forced into, the burdens they share, as a result of being born different.

So… even if it's all necessary… I think Sakura doesn't like Nene being left clueless, with no agency, and wants to at least offer her some context, so that she's not so helpless and confused. Maybe Sakura's been helpless and confused, before, or wasn't explained all the ramifications of whatever her position entailed, in this school. I don't think it's to undermine Tsukasa, as much as it's just to help Nene feel more in-control or, like, able to understand anything... to treat her with respect, maybe a respect Sakura was not granted in her time. Must be hard for a girl with special powers, to watch another girl with special powers be strung around. Nene is reduced to her Kannagi status in proceedings. I'm sure Sakura's experienced equivocal dehumanization. Da girliez relate.....

I hadn't at all thought of that Tsukasa panel as literal, actually! It's hard for me to sayyy, 'cuz Koku-Joudai was extant and chilling during Yako's yorishiro destruction. Koku-Joudai seemed perfectly capable of spying and existing in the boundary during events…. but I don't really know what that means for Tsukasa, if his body itself could have been deep in his shrine or whatever while the orbs do stuff? I have no idea how much those orbs are a part of them…. I mean, the body was too 'weak' before to leave at all, while Koku-joudai could do the crane thing, so.....? Maybe the body and the orbs can carry out distinct different functions during a yorishiro peeling?

I'd wanna just say something like "well, within a boundary you're obliged to the rules of the person running it, like Shijima-san removing Hanako's Tsueshiro, so maybe Hakubo and Sumire are capable of creating privacy", but Tsukasa gets to fling Shijima-san around all that he wants despite being in her shrine, and poofs himself around it as he pleases, presumably because he himself is more relatively holy at that point than the shrine's master.

We have no idea what Tsukasa is up to for the latter half of Picture Perfect. I don't know if he has the ability to poof himself out of there whenever he wishes, if he started waiting in his boundary for Nene to peel it, or, what. We don't see him after he's sent Shijima-san away. Clearly if he can send her and Nene anywhere, he isn't shackled to Shijima-san's strict 'no leaving' policy which applied to everyone else. While Yashiro peels the seal, Tsukasa isn't seen, and walks into her art room some time later, not immediately after. So…. I don't …. know …. he could have been waiting in his shrine once things were set in motion, or he could have been hanging out in the PP world while Nene peeled it, who knows….?

… So anyway, based on all of that feeble knowledge: No idea why he can't see the boundary during its collapse. Not something we have enough information on for me to comfortably say anything, no idea where he was at for previous collapses…. I don't know if it's the nature of this collapse, it being a slower/gradual proceeding, or No. 6 being a substantial mystery……? Or… if you're right, and he's always been powered down for power re-absorption, and we just haven't explicitly seen it. I think Koku-Joudai being present in Yako's boundary pre-and-post-collapse is my biggest confusion, but we don't know wtf those things are, yet, so… maybe they don't need to be there for whatever is going on ….. maybe Tsukasa is in a big basket like a kitten snuggled around his radio receiving all that God juice every time.

[caelumsnuff]

this is really long!!

i really like your post cause i feel the same way! i feel like if your stories are gonna go in a darker direction go for it! and make what your characters do fit for their personalities. angel and david even becoming a couple doesn’t make sense to me (same with FL and gavin), bright and fred should have been continued. i almost want a redo of everything because it needs to be tweaked. maybe not make david such a dick, extend some of these stories (slow burns be slow burns. having a lot of characters will make the slow burn seem forever but idc make it actually be one)

and alexis annoys. we have 3 people complain about her and not either listener pry for more information or even get a cameo of her. i can only see her as “i tried to save someone and now everyone fucking hates me. i feel bad cause i did it but i was scared” a car wreck is a big thing and i think sam said he had something in his chest so yeah she’s gonna do the first thing that comes to mind.

i agree about thé vamps ages. if they’re gonna mention their turnings it should be more “oh if you wanna here how it happened” versus them still feeling the ramifications of it. they both are going on mid 30s to early 40s. sam and vincent seem to have a bond. i’m not saying trauma leaves you at some point but it has happened and shouldn’t be always on the front burner (if that makes sense).

bright and fred are still canonically there but no storyline. have a solely platonic storyline made me so happy because as much as i love caelum i don’t want to be friends with someone who is supposed to be seen as like 10. and seeing the power change in friends and them having to overcome it would be amazing. and it would have been a chance for sam to have growth too because that dude was an asshole to bright when they had a one-on-one talk.

milo and the inversion annoyed me. dumbass plan. and if anyone needed to die it was him. i love him soooo much but with that plan it would have killed him with the way he explained. and if he wanted to keep him at least take the ability to shift away. make him face a consequence that already fit into his insecurities. (people in the pack should have died too considering they were the security and helping/protecting people so it was weird how not even one person didn’t die, making amanda “leave” doesn’t count)

geordi and cuties audios are basically only angst (excluding HBS and HBW). i want at least a cute audio or two between them because telepathy could be cool and geordi has mentioned that they can look silly in public together when talking in their heads.

i want more of The Balance (Blake/Elliott/Sunshine/etc) but it’s the one we’re getting the least of :/ i want to know why Blake is doing what he is doing to them, what is up with his listener/best friend because why did he take them to that meeting.

i love the antagonists of the series but mainly for how they sound and their potential. (same goes for all characters. i prefer drawing them and tweaking them to my preference to how the story could be better)

i hope now he doesn’t look at any fan redacted stuff, gets an editor or beta reader, and more since he’s growing a lot. i feel like if you’re gonna have a story with stuff like this then doing it right and have other people who don’t watch your content help you. (freelancer story annoys me to no end)

i didn’t know where to add and idk if i already mentioned this but imo don’t try to use SA as a stand in for anything. SA is SA period. all the vamp stuff is about taking away consent and the choice to live. kody is terrible with the bridging and i feel like it could have been explained better. also feel like kody didn’t need to be there 🤷‍♀️

i have a lot of feelings on the stories even if i like some of the characters. i half the time forget how they are/were because of how i changed it in my mind.

love your posts.

to continue because i forgot something: if you don’t explain in a video that we don’t get/aren’t going to be able to explain with a character, can you at least clarify in the description, community post, a video explaining/summarizing all the “minor” lore/details of your world and make those the finalized ones?

idk want some things to be a little be more clear and some not so it’s still fun for us but 🤷‍♀️

omg yeah this is long *cracks knuckles* alright lets get to it then

I also almost want a redo of everything, but at the moment i don’t trust Redacted’s writing abilities as i think they’ve gotten worse, i think he’d just make a lot of his earlier stuff worse 💀 The fact that we don’t even have a cameo of Alexis is incredibly annoying. What the fuck. If youre gonna make her out to be some heathen, at least show us. Or idk, subvert our expectations and make her far more sweet and kind than other people talk about her (not likely) Yeah i hope i didn’t come off as saying that like... trauma wouldn’t still be there, like as a person with trauma i am well aware of how it works lmao. I didn’t want it to be something that was on the front burner, at least not with the way that the clan and the ages of the vamps are currently written One of the reasons i think i would have liked to see Bright and Fred stay is because we could have seen Sam grow into a good maker. Would have been a good part of his story seeing as his own maker is written to be shit. Also, yeah, i wish we had more platonic stories. Not like pack mates or an emotional support, like genuine affectionate mutual friendship. Like.... the way that Elliot and Sunshine were in their first video. The gentle teasing about the grocery store dream, the platonic cuddling, the playful smacks, all of it was just really nice. I wish Inversion had consequences SO badly!!! Milo dying or never being able to shift again (or at least make the issue last more than two videos for fucks sake), Asher in a coma or something, Amanda dead, that one pack member actually losing their leg, David and the pack having a more tarnished reputation because of his choice to close the ward. Xavier dying was stupid. We talked to him once and heard his name once or twice, he should have killed another one of the DAMN boys. Especially because it would have been a more emotionally impactful moment having Gavin watch someone he knew and cared for die in front of him instead of someone he barely knew (so maybe Lasko???). I genuinely dont understand why Geordi’s regular audios are just angst thus far. Can i have the two of them being cute? Looking ridiculous in public? i dont know, develop the relationship before you show me conflict between them so that i actually care about it a decent amount?? I also want more of the Balance, i love Brachium and Elliot, and Blake is an interesting character to say the least. I also love a lot of the antagonists, i just love bad men <3 I sure hope he doesn’t look at a bunch of fan stuff, he seems to be easily swayed by the opinions of his fans. He needs an impartial beta/editor. Personally, i feel like the situation could be handled in a way that wasn’t offensive, but it’d have to be drastically different from how it was. If i ever talk about how i would change some of his content, i will definitely be addressing Kody’s situation. I really hate consuming content outside of the original media to understand the story/lore or whatever. I’m sorry, but if i have to consume a seperate video explaining lore, i’m just not even gonna consider it canon. Put it in a regular video (explictly state it, imply it, or show us with actions and whatnot), or it’s not canon. (I hate when creators do stuff like that, like.... they’ll tweet about lore or characterization and fans will be like “canon!!!” No one should have to consume extra lore videos, a comic, and follow the creator on some social media account to understand the story.) But that’s just my opinion on it. Glad you enjoy my posts, even if im just complaining aksjdfasd

[robincrochet]

PCOS ramblings

These past two years or so have been pretty hectic, especially with my health. My main issue is PCOS, which is pretty much a 'god hates you, get fucked' condition.

Like beyond the immediate symptoms, people with PCOS are expected to die slightly younger and are more prone to stuff like type 2 diabetes, certain cancers, cardiovascular issues... and type 2 diabetes can also put you as risk for dementia, which I'm already probably going to develop as my grandmother and great-grandmother had it. Wow. And the medical establishment really cares very little about PCOS, beyond treating the weight gain and infertility. They don't really care how PCOS affects you, beyond what society expects you to provide: A pleasant figure and as many children demanded of you.

On top of that, a great portion of women with PCOS are infertile, and/or have increased risk during pregnancy. I personally know two people with PCOS as well. My own mother, she could only conceive after years of trying with IVF, and she really wasn't doing so hot. She had to be induced a month early. And an unrelated woman I know suffered numerous miscarriages even upon conception. Yet, society still expects children out of us.

Knowing I have PCOS has really explained why my body is the way it is. Why I developed so early physically, always struggled with increasing weight even without increasing food intake, and why I didn't menstruate until I was like, what, 14-15? Even then, it was around a year before my next one, and then when I finally got them often, it was for 3 weeks at a time, mostly using the overnight size (during the day) and waking up halfway through the night to change it. There's also a lot of physical characteristics I can trace back to it. Like the hyperpigmentation in skin creases (underarm, groin, neck, ect), and the prominence of my body hair. Just all these aspects that I've been given trouble about, mostly from my very sexist and misogynist father, they all tie back to this.

And as I've looked into it more over the years, I've seen it be described as something that may fall under the umbrella of intersex. IE, being born with "any of several sex characteristics including chromosome patterns, gonads, or genitals that, according to the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights, "do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies" (Wikipedia).

I've seen many people say it's not under that umbrella, and many people say it is. I've been seeing many yesses on tumblr, yesses/maybes on articles from intersex advocating organizations, and most of the strong nos have come from r/PCOS. Which honestly, r/PCOS seems very vitriolic against intersex people, the comments in many threads were DISGUSTED at the mere suggestion that as understanding of biology evolves, that medical science may recognize or put them adjacent or someway involved with the umbrella of intersex. I tried to understand their point, really, but a lot of it was just "I can't be a dirty intersex, I'm a woman!" r/intersex on the other hand was more accepting of the idea of PCOS possibly being under the umbrella, and I later learned r/PCOS is kind of known to be transphobic, terfy, ect. And from briefly reading it a few months ago, I remember it was very focused on weight loss over other PCOS concerns, and a lot of guilt about struggling to have children. Honestly, I'd rather hang out in r/Intersex than r/PCOS now...

I can't really say if it *is* under intersex or not, I'm nowhere near an authority on it. But I can't help but think, doesn't it sound fitting? Gonads (in this case, ovaries) that do not fit the typical notion of a female body, and cause changes in hormones, puberty, and in some cases appearance (especially with apparent hirsutism).

I don't know. All I can really say is that I hope that more research is done into it, and PCOS as a whole. As I previously mentioned, there's not any real treatment known or done for the ramification of PCOS. Hormones and birth control can help manage immediate menstrual symptoms, it worked very well for me, but it is still this overarching shadow in my life. I worry what will happen if I lose the means to acquire my BC, or if its legal status becomes shaky as reproductive rights have pretty much imploded this decade.

Anyway. I'm not claiming anything or labeling myself anything. I just wanted to write out my thoughts, get them out of my head.

[phoenixyfriend]

Anakin and the Jedi Babies: A Child's Ink

Context: Anakin and the Jedi Babies, chrono

WARNINGS: underage characters get tattoos/piercings

Word Count: 5680 Rating: T Ships: primarily Gen (Disaster Lineage + Shmi), offscreen JangoShmi, past Obitine, past Anidala ----

Ylliben Skywalker is known as a preternaturally calm and quiet child, serious and pensive.

He jokes. He roughhouses. He is as responsive to tickle attacks and shoulder rides and warm hugs as any other child.

But he is Jetii'Manda, not just Mando'ade, and that fact is impossible to forget.

This is a child that can read before he can speak, a child who can talk at length about 'grassroots antiestablishment propaganda and its influence on rural sociological development' before he can say the words without a lisp. This is a child who looks a man in the eye and tells him to check over his blaster one last time, or it will explode in his hand only minutes into the next engagement. This is a child who is not only willing, but capable of discussing the plausible ramifications of Duke Adonai Kryze's latest decrees with Jaster Mereel himself, while still in possession of all his baby teeth.

(His father is not worried by this. Upset, sometimes, pained and tired, but not worried.)

(His sister only laughs.)

It is, as a result, not as surprising as it could be, when a six-year-old wanders his way into Na-Tsuyon's parlor and asks her what the risks of getting a tattoo at his age are.

"I'm not having that conversation with you unless your parent is here," she says. A few of the other artists crane their heads in her direction, but she waves them off.

"I'm not trying to get it right this moment," Ben protests. "I'm just gathering information. He said that was fine."

"Still need your parent here here," she tells him.

He leaves for about ten minutes, and then comes back with a tall, gangling figure in tow.

"I hear this isn't the place for unaccompanied minors," Knight Skywalker jokes.

(She has heard him called a General. She does not know which war he fought. Nobody does.)

(They no longer ask.)

"Well, he is young," she says, brushing her tentacles back over a shoulder. "I don't let anyone under human-fourteen get tattooed without a parent on hand, and giving preliminary information to anyone under twelve is... generally not worth it, shall we say."

Skywalker smiles, oddly amused in the way he always is when someone points out his children need supervision. "Glad to hear it. Are you the Na-Tsuyon whose name is on the door?"

"I am," she says. "And you're Knight Skywalker."

He's pleased at that. She can feel it in the chemical receptors of her head tails, and wonders. "Yep. So, do we jump right into the discussion or do you need me to sign something, or..."

"No, it's enough that you're here," she assures him. "Now, the main reasons we discourage tattoos for younger sentients is the distortion factor. While the level of pain is much lower than it would have been several millennia ago, and we have the technology to remove ink from below the skin, a tattoo before your body stops growing will distort as you grow and your skin stretches. You would need to come in yearly for touch-ups, to remove the sections that have moved out of place, and fill in where the ink is no longer settled."

"That makes sense," Ylliben says. He looks up at his father, and then back to her. "You'd be able to tell me if any of my choices would be... bad for a Mandalorian, yes?"

"I would," she confirms. She glances up at Knight Skywalker. "I don't suppose you have any history of getting tattoos?"

"No," he says. "I'm from Tatooine, so..."

Different connotations to the very act of it, for him.

She ducks her head in a nod. "I understand. Generally it's easier if the parent has experience in the process, but it's far from mandatory. You're willing to work with the distortion maintenance?"

"Yes'm," Ylliben says, and his father shrugs and gestures, as if the word of a six-year-old is thus law.

"I'll walk you through the details of the process, including the care, relevant allergies, and so on. I don't suppose you have anything in mind already?" she asks.

"I do," he says. He doesn't tell her what it is, yet.

Anakin Skywalker stays there the entire time, and they make an appointment for later in the week.

----

"My buir isn't my only father," Ylliben says quietly, when it comes time to get details on what he's getting tattooed. "I had another father before him. A Jedi. He died, to protect me, and a lot of other people. So, um..."

He shoves a picture to her, the symbol of the Jedi, plain and simple. She looks at him.

"In red," he says, shifting on his feet, looking up at his father and then back down at the page. "For, um, to honor a parent."

"Your first father was a Jedi?" she asks, gentle as she can.

"Mm-hm," Ylliben says. "He died, um... he saved buir from slavery, too, a long time ago. Both my dads were Jedi, and I'm going to be one, too, and so is Sokanth. It's--it's about where I come from, and--"

"You don't have to justify it if you don't want to," Na-Tsuyon tells him, reaching out to place one hand on his. It's very warm and dry, in her opinion, but she finds that most humans are. Mandalorians are some 80% human, or near human.

Nautolan Mandalorians aren't unheard of, but she's a rare one.

Ben sucks in a breath, and says, "I want it up here, on my right shoulder, like a pauldron."

Na-Tsuyon nods, and looks up to Skywalker. "You'll have to sign some papers to approve it, Master Jedi. You approve of the design?"

Skywalker hesitates, and then goes to one knee in front of his son, and speaks so quietly she can only hear "--remind you of the generator complex?"

Whatever Ben's answer is, it's too quiet for her to catch. It satisfies Skywalker, though, and he stands. "Alright, let's see this paperwork."

----

When Ylliben comes in again, a year later to get his slightly-twisting tattoo fixed, it's with Miss Shmi in tow. Na-Tsuyon greets the middle Skywalker, for all that she's still not entirely sure how to address the girl. "I heard you've been attending the university at Sundari. Some kind of engineering?"

"Mechanical, yes," Shmi says, oddly soft. "I'm going to spend another year to specialize in vehicular engineering. I'd like to design starships, since I already know how to fix them."

"A worthy goal," Na-Tsuyon says, as she leads them over to one of the stations and starts sanitizing Ylliben's inked shoulder. She doesn't entirely see why a university education is needed for something that, in her opinion, an apprenticeship could more thoroughly cover. It certainly worked well enough Na-Tsuyon herself. "You're on vacation, then?"

"I am," Shmi confirms. "It's... unfortunate that Anakin couldn't be here a the same time, but we'll see each other in a few days."

Ylliben fidgets for a bit as his jedi symbol is fixed, and then finally asks, "Ori'vod can approve new tattoos, right?"

"Sokanth, no. Shmi..." Na-Tsuyon looks up at her. "I have no idea if you're listed as his legal guardian anywhere, and I'd need proof of that."

"Secondary to Anakin," Shmi confirms. "Ben would like this to be a surprise for Ani."

Ben pulls out a sheet, with a careful design on it, and presses it into Na-Tsuyon's lap when she lifts the tattoo gun and he's not at risk of ruining his own ink. It's simpler than the Jedi symbol, though it's two colors instead of one.

"It's the Open Circle Fleet," Ben says, shy in a way she's given to understand he usually isn't. She thinks his shyer moments may be connected to admitting to emotion, something that he's tying quite closely to his choice of Tattoos. "I thought, um, since I'm already--already honoring one buir, then, er..."

"The Open Circle Fleet was under the command of my brother's Jedi Master," Shmi explains, one hand on Ben's. "And I am given to understand that the symbol was designed as a subtle nod, of sorts, to the two of them as a team. Ben's looking to honor Anakin as he has his first father."

Ben looks down at his lap, and doesn't meet Na-Tsuyon's eyes.

"Bring me proof of guardianship," she tells them. "And I'll make sure you get it finished early enough that the bacta comes off before Knight Skywalker makes it home."

She holds true to her word, and talks her way into being there to see the reunion and reveal.

The emotions that cross Skywalker's face are complicated and unexpected in ways that she can't identify.

Then it's all too simple, because he starts crying on little Ylliben in the middle of the hangar.

----

It doesn't take a full year for Ylliben to come in for another set. It's only five months, maybe six. He has a sketch again, a geometric design of something she doesn't recognize, but still pings as familiar for some reason.

"It needs to be the right shade of blue," he tells her, serious as anything. Knight Skwyalker is right next to him, smiling all soft and indulgent, and maybe a little sad. "It's for Soka."

Oh. This is based on her facial markings, then. Or... what they will be, maybe. This doesn't look quite like what she's seen on the girl, but everyone knows little Ben is more touched by visions than his father and sister.

Na-Tsuyon thinks she knows where this is going. "The same blue as her montrals and lekku?"

Ben shakes his head. "No, 501st blue."

Or not.

"It's close, but a little darker and more saturated," Skywalker offers, and shrugs when she looks his way. "It's a long story, but the 501st was the legion I led before I arrived at Mandalore. It had a specific shade of blue assigned for armor paint, so legions could easily identify each other in the field."

That's... odd. She doesn't ask for more detail, though. It's not her business. "Where do you want this one?"

Ben shows her his left forearm and frames a section about two-thirds the length of it, along the outer side. Like a vambrace.

She has a feeling all these symbols will be on his armor, once he's old enough for it.

"Let's go through my inks and see which one will work best," she says, and does not comment on the rest.

----

When Ylliben comes in again, a few months before his next touch-up appointment, he doesn't have an image on hand. His father is trailing him again, and Na-Tsuyon has a guess.

"Time for Shmi?" she asks.

Ben ducks his head, flushing and not meeting Na-Tsuyon's eyes. "Yes'm."

"I thought as much," she says, and smiles at Skywalker. "General."

"Don't start."

"There have been oh so many rumors flying since the last Jedi run-in, you know."

"I don't care," he grouses, dropping into a seat. "Hells, a man takes emergency command for one battle, and it's all anyone can talk about."

"You ended a civil war, sir."

Ben giggles into his hands as Skywalker groans and slaps a hand over his eyes.

"No respect," the man complains. "Ben, be nice to me, I'm your dad."

"Nuh-uh," Ben says. "I know all the most embarrassing secrets."

"A cruel child," Skywalker accuses. "Ruthless."

"You're the one raising me," Ben says, swinging his legs back and forth. He's got plastoid training vambraces, now, and greaves that clink against the legs of the chair.

"Somehow, yes." Skywalker sighs, with great drama and all such things. He drags himself up to sitting. "Anyway. Moving on."

"Do you have something in mind already?" Na-Tsuyon asks.

"Binary suns," Ben says. "Just two overlapping circles, coin-sized, one bigger than the other, in sunset colors. In a gradient, with a sort of... flare to it? Halo? The... oh! The stellar corona. Buir knows the colors better."

"I want to see what you have to work with before I sketch out the design," Skywalker says. "But yeah, sort of pink and yellow and peachy."

"I can do almost any color," Na-Tsuyon promises. "Especially on fair human skin like Ylliben's. I won't have a problem getting those to show up the way I would on myself."

Na-Tsuyon is a color most would call 'aquamarine.' She's a light shade between blue and green, and much as she likes her skin, it's an absolute pain to make red and orange show up.

She can do it.

It's just annoying.

Ben asks for this one to be on the inside of the left forearm, high and opposite to the widest point of the mark for Sokanth.

----

"Can I see your fonts?"

Ben's alone, for the moment, but Na-Tsuyon knows that when he makes his decision, his father or Shmi will approve it without question. It's no harm to let him browse.

"Basic, Mando'a, or Huttese alphabet?" she asks. "Or something more esoteric?"

"Mando'a, please."

He's eight years old, now. He's still far younger than most of her clients, but she's long gotten used to him. Even when he's acting like a child, there's something to it that doesn't quite sit right. 'Born middle-aged,' a few of the other civilians on base had joked.

She wasn't sure if she thought it was just a joke, these days.

Na-Tsuyon passes her fonts book to the boy, and settles back in her chair for a long afternoon of running numbers. He, meanwhile, goes to sit in the lobby, legs still not long enough to reach the floor, paging through with unwavering, unsettling gravitas.

Half an hour, and then Ben returns.

He points to a font. "This one."

"What's it going to say?"

"Vode An," he tells her, as serious as can be. "In black, over my heart. It's important."

"It's a fairly common phrase," she notes idly. "Should be quick."

She doesn't expect much of a response, and certainly not the one she gets.

"It was different for them," Ben mutters, not looking at her. She sees him twisting the toes of one shoe into the floor. "It was... it was different. I can't talk about it. They were brothers, actually brothers, and they had--they had nothing, they were basically slaves, but--"

"You don't have to talk about it," Na-Tsuyon assures him, a hand on his. "You don't have to explain it to me. If it means something to you, that's all that matters. I just need you to be sure."

"And buir to sign the paperwork," Ben quips, smiling at her. She notices that several teeth are missing. It's cute. "You need that too."

"That too," she agrees.

When Skywalker shows up, he hears what it is that Ben would like, and makes a few suggestions for a border--a gear that sounded too much like the Republic's symbol for a Mando'a phrase, a building on stilts from a city she's never heard of on a planet that rings no bells, a human genetic strand for reasons she can't imagine--most of which are soundly ignored, until Skywalker sketched out a stylized ship of... some sort.

"Venator," Skywalker says, and taps the image. "Nobody will know it except us, but it'll mean something to you, for them."

Ben looks at it for a long moment, and then takes the scrap of flimsi with Mando'a on it and lays it overtop the center of the sketch.

He stares at it for a few long moments, and then nods sharply and pushes it to Na-Tsuyon. "This, please."

He's such a polite child.

It makes it easier to ignore the more confusing parts of his presence in her parlor.

----

"Hi!"

Sokanth Skywalker is in her shop.

That's new.

"Hello," Na-Tsuyon says. "I didn't know you were thinking of getting ink."

"I'm not," she says, hopping up on a stool across the counter. She holds out a hand, and Na-Tsuyon clasps it with bemusement. "But you guys do piercings too, right?"

"We do," she confirms. "You're... ten?"

"Yep!" Sokanth chirps, kicking her legs back and forth. "Is that old enough to get these without permission, or should I ask my dad to come by?"

"At least twelve for piercings without in-person, signed approval from a parent or guardian," Na-Tsuyon says. "Though if you're anything like your brother, I don't imagine that'll be a problem for you."

Sokanth grins at her, bright and a little wild. "Nose, bottom lip, eyebrow. I don't know the actual terms, but I know what I want. Which do you suggest getting first?"

"I'd say nostril," Na-Tsuyon tells her. Most species even vaguely humanoid kick off with the ears, but that's not exactly an option for a togruta. "Let me get a chart and you can figure out what type of piercing you want, and what kind of hoop or stud. I don't actually do the piercings myself, though. Comm the General if you want this done today, though."

"Thank you~!"

----

Nostril, labret, and a horizontal brow, the piercer notes down at the end of the latest Skywalker visit. Na-Tsuyon wonders if the brow piercing will look strange with Soka's markings, and then doesn't think on it further.

----

Ylliben, almost nine, is silent as he gets the touch-up.

His father isn't here. Neither is Shmi. It's pre-approved, signed permission and all, but it's still odd that neither of Ben's adults is here.

Sokanth is, but she's almost as quiet as Ben is.

Na-Tsuyon has heard the rumors, but she's not going to say anything. She's not. It's not her business.

"Ben," Soka speaks up, towards the end of the appointment. "Ask her the thing."

Ben shakes his head. "No way."

"She knows more about tattoos and how important they are than anyone!" Soka urges. "Ask her!"

"Do you want to wait for your father?" Na-Tsuyon suggests.

"No!" both immediately yelp.

She pauses, glad the needle hadn't been to skin, and levels a look at Ben. He flushes and settles down, mumbling an apology for jerking as he had. She goes back to fixing the stretch of the binary suns tattoo.

Soka shifts in her seat, watching them intently.

"Shmi's upset with buir," Ben suddenly says. He doesn't meet Na-Tsuyon's eyes. "I'm... I don't know if you heard what's going on."

"I do my best to avoid rumors," she says, keeping her voice as neutral as she can. "I did hear that the Mand'alor is about to have a grandchild, and something about an upcoming wedding. That much has been announced officially."

"Dad freaked out," Soka says, legs kicking back and forth. "He's happy for her, and he's fine with Jango being the other parent, but it kicked off a... philosophical crisis? Ben, what do you think?"

"Metaphysical, maybe," Ben mumbles. "Definitely existential."

"And he told Shmi some stuff and now she's hurt that he didn't tell her before and it's all a mess," Soka finishes. "So, uh, we don't... want either of them involved. Until. Um. Until that's settled."

Na-Tsuyon bites back any deeper questions she might have. "Alright. I won't pry. What did you want to know from me?"

"I had a plan for what I was going to get next," Ben says, staring at the fold of fabric over his sister's knees in lieu of something more pertinent. "A peace lily, on the inside of my wrist, for..."

"You don't have to tell me," she reminds him.

Ben bites his lip, and closes his eyes, and breathes in deep. Neither of the girls comment.

"She was important," Ben finally says. "In the big memories. But she doesn't... she's not... she isn't here. And Jango is. And he's marrying Shmi, and they're having a baby, so I should put a mark down for him first, right?"

"He's gonna be Mand'alor, too," Soka adds.

"He is," Na-Tsuyon says, as neutral as she can.

"He's joining the family," Ben says, his gaze fixed on the floor in front of him. "And there's going to be a baby, and that's. That's important."

"There's no order that you have to get things in," Na-Tsuyon assures him, squeezing his shoulder in a light gesture of support. "You've prioritized family so far, so I think it would make sense to get a mark for the coming cousin, at least. Unless... is the lily for your birth mother?"

Ben's face twists, uncomfortable for some reason she can't begin to guess at.

"No," Ben says.

"Skyguy's Jedi Master did almost marry her when they were younger," Soka explains. She glances at Na-Tsuyon and then away and at the wall. "They had a whole dramatic 'forbidden romance' thing going on, 'cause Jedi aren't supposed to get married. She died before Ben came into the picture, though."

It's a neat enough explanation.

It feels fake, but much of what the Skywalkers say about their pasts does.

She's sure it's true in some way. In some perspective. From... from a certain point of view, maybe.

"Alright, then," Na-Tsuyon dismisses. "All things aside, I would suggest adjusting your order of tattoo acquisition, but there's no particular requirement by Mandalorian standards. Your choices are rarely anything that intersects with set traditions, nor do you have a historic clan or house that comes with mandates of the sort. It seems that you're leaning towards prioritizing something for the new additions to your family, though; you've made it clear that these things are important to you, and I think you should pursue it if you're comfortable with it."

Ben nods, eyes somewhere far off.

"It'll make him flustered," Soka pushes, kicking lightly at her brother's ankle. "Jan-Jan's still worried you don't like him anymore."

"He is not," Ben huffs. "He's just scared of buir."

"Nah, your opinion matters too," Soka argues. "And you've been avoiding everyone 'cuz Skyguy freaked out and Shmi's upset, so Jango's worried you're mad at him about the baby happening. If you get a tattoo about him, he might actually cry."

"Is that why you want me to take that route?"

"Not the only one," Soka says, utterly guileless. She blinks at him, bright and innocent. "But I definitely do want to see the future Mand'alor crying because you made it obvious he's family now. It'll be funny."

Ben sighs, very clearly being dramatic about it. "Soka, I'm not going to pick a tattoo based on what you think will be funny."

"Imagine his face, though."

Na-Tsuyon doesn't comment at the expressions Ben makes as he very clearly does exactly that.

"Well, kriff," Ben sighs, and Soka giggles at the swear. "I'll have to get a tattoo for Jango, then."

----

Ben is already nine by the time he comes in with his father to actually get the tattoo for Jango's addition to the family. The choice he makes isn't particularly imaginative, but it'll suit well enough. A mythosaur skull, the symbol of the Haat Mando'ade, in a grey the same shade as beskar.

There actually are traditions to this one, specific adjustments to the framing and stylization meant to indicate how one fits into the faction, but also how one is associated with the Mand'alor. Ben is family, and close family, but not related by blood, nor adopted directly by the Mand'alor, rather a relative through the riduur be alor.

Na-Tsuyon explains each element and adjustment in detail, lets them process and agree, until she's taking a needle to Ben's skin once more.

"Will you be getting one for the coming child as well?" Na-Tsuyon asks while shading in a curve of bone.

"Not yet," Ben tells her, quiet and oddly contemplating. "I need to meet them, first. Figure out who they are."

"Sensible," she agrees. There's the usual oddity in his phrasing, and she ignores it as ever. "Did you tell Fett that you were getting this?"

"No, it's intended as a surprise," Ben says, watching her work.

She can almost feel the coming question.

It does not come from the human she expects.

"Do you know any Mando tattoo artists in Little Keldabe?" the General asks, voice low.

She finishes the line she's on, lifts the needle away from skin, and turns to him. "You're leaving for Coruscant?"

"Not yet," Skywalker says. He meets her eyes evenly. "But... soon. The time's coming. A year, maybe two. The Force will let us know when the time is right."

"Uh-huh," Na-Tsuyon acknowledges this. She does not comment further. The Force is not her wheelhouse. If they think it wants them back on Coruscant, with the Temple, then that's what they believe.

"These are Mando work," Skywalker continues, almost painfully earnest, "and I'd like to ensure whoever maintains them until Ben stops growing knows the right way to handle Mando art."

It's really not that different from a standard tattoo artist, but she's a little charmed anyway. Enchanted, almost. The man really does care.

"I can get you some names and addresses next time you stop by," she promises him. "It's been a few years since I checked in on their work, and I'll need to look them over before I make any recommendations."

He smiles at her, relieved in a manner she finds appallingly open for a Jedi like himself.

Ben mimics his father.

----

She gets to attend the wedding, months later.

The food is very, very good.

(Ben waits until the reception to show off his new tattoo, and the future Mand'alor does, in fact, cry.)

(So does Shmi.)

(So does their eight-week-old daughter, but that's probably unrelated to the tattoo.)

----

"Do you think getting a belly button ring would be good?"

Na-Tsuyon doesn't lift her head from her paperwork when Sokanth poses the question to the piercer. She's in for the horizontal brow bar, this time, and the labret is going to be somewhere a few months down the line.

"That's really up to you," the piercer says. His name is Hujnak, and he's a Devaronian that's been working here since Na-Tsuyon opened up the place. She loves him dearly, but he stole the last piece of cake and for that he will have no help with difficult customers for the next fortnight.

Or until she gets bored.

"I'm leaning towards 'no,' but I'm not sure," Soka muses. "I like the idea of it, but I feel like it might get snagged on things more easily. Plus, it's going to be a point of higher damage and pressure if I get a gut punch. It's one of the parts of my body I'm never really going to armor up, you know?"

They do know. There have been screaming matches about all the Jedi's refusal to wear enough armor on many occasions. The Jedi prioritize their agility to such a degree that armorweave is more reasonable than actual armor, in their opinion. This is an opinion that Fett and Mereel both take issue with.

At great volume.

(Shmi has vambraces, a gorget, and greaves, Na-Tsuyon knows. Some of it was exchanged at the wedding. Shmi doesn't wear much armor, certainly less than even the children. Shmi, crucially, isn't a warrior or otherwise planning to see battle.)

"Then I would say it may be best to hold off."

"Phooey," Soka says, though she doesn't seem particularly upset. "Ben's gonna be cooler than me forever, then."

"You think tattoos are cooler than piercings?" Hujnak challenges. "I'm offended."

"He can just get more," Soka protests. "Without it looking weird or getting dangerous, I mean."

Hujnak hums, noncommittal. "And you're worried about being cooler than the younger brother you have told me is, and I quote, the biggest nerd ever?"

"Well, yeah," Sokanth scoffs. "He's gonna start acting older than me as soon as he thinks he can get away with it. I gotta have something to hold over his head, you know?"

"Seeing as you are the older sibling..."

"Ehhhh..."

Nope.

Not paying attention.

----

"These are House Kryze colors."

Ylliben's breath hitches.

He is ten. He doesn't seem ready to provide answers. She turns to the father instead.

"Will that be a problem?" the general asks, calm and even.

"Yes," she says, and Ben slumps. She continues, because this is her job, and for a reason. "Unless you have a ready justification for when House Kryze asks, yes, it will be a problem. If it were a landscape or an animal, it wouldn't matter, but the pairing of the colors and the peace lily is an explicit statement of loyalty to Adonai and his heir, Satine. Unless you've suddenly decided to adjust your political stance to total pacifism instead of your Jedi approach, or have another reason to take on House Kryze colors, I'd warn against it at all, and would refuse to perform the work myself."

Ylliben's eyes are fixed somewhere behind her, and shining wetly.

"Okay," the general says. "Ben, do you have any other pallettes in mind?

"These were her colors," Ben whispers, and then he swallows thickly. "I just..."

"Simplify," Skywalker suggests. He fiddles with a necklace half-hidden in his Jedi layers; the japor one is visible, but a dull gold glint is all Na-Tsuyon can see of the other before it's tucked away again. "She'd understand, yeah? There's political ramifications. Dangerous ones, especially to you."

Interesting thing to say about a woman who, by Soka's earlier statements, died well before Ben was born.

They could at least try to stop dropping hints about their oddities. She doesn't want to know more.

"Lilac," Ben finally decides. "And... pale silver. With a filigree pattern in the shading?"

"I can do that," Na-Tsuyon promises.

She does not ask further.

----

"We're moving to Coruscant in a month."

Na-Tsuyon's head snaps up, head tails jolting almost painfully with the movement.

Sokanth is getting her labret, finally. She's gossiping as Hujnak prepares the tools, as usual, and Na-Tsuyon tries to ignore it when they Skywalkers do that, she does, but...

"You're leaving," she repeats, feeling oddly blank.

"Um... yeah?" Soka answers. She scratches at one stubby montral. "We've talked about it before. I thought you knew."

"I didn't realize it was so soon," Na-Tsuyon defends. She's more upset than she should be. "I thought you'd be waiting until the little princess was older."

Sokanth blinks at her, slow and... not judging, no. Evaluating, maybe.

"I'm almost thirteen," she says, slow and deliberate and heavy. "And Ben's eleven. There's no hard age limit for becoming a padawan, but I'm getting into the peak years for getting chosen, and I've been living here instead of in the Temple. I haven't had years to impress a potential Master like the others. That might not matter; sometimes a Master sees their future student and just knows, but... I need to have other Jedi to spar with, not just Skyguy and Ben. And Ben's visions are getting stronger, and Dad was never that good with his own in the first place, so he's worried about being able to help at all. We could stay longer, but..."

She trails off, and shrugs, and the weighted air disappears. "It's not the same thing as a verd'goten, at all, but it's about the same age, you know? I should be in the Temple for it."

"What would a verd'goten equivalent be?" Hujnak prompts, when Na-Tsuyon fails to find her words. "Being an adult and equal member and all such things?"

"Knighthood," Soka answers immediately. "Dad got knighted when he was twenty, but that's really young, usually. His master was knighted at twenty-five, which was a bit late, but apparently there was a whole dramatic thing going on there that Dad never got all the details about."

"Becoming a Padawan is a sign that your teachers see you as someone that is ready to take on the responsibilities of a Jedi, yes?" Hujnak asks. "That you may not be ready to go out on your own, but that you're old enough to understand your oaths and choose how to follow them, and to protect others?"

Sokanth considers this, and then nods. "Yeah, I guess it's similar to using the verd'goten to gauge if someone's ready to swear the Resol'nare, that way. Still not moving out, and just about entering an apprenticeship, but enough of an adult to make the choice of how to change the world."

"I think most cultures have something like that around the same age," Hujnak comments. "Some do it a bit later in the teens, but it's usually around your age that most... well, most cultures who age at the 'human standard' rate--"

Na-Tsuyon can't help the reflexive snort of derision. Neither can Soka. Hujnak, the closest to human in the room and yet still very much not, smiles like this is exactly what he intended.

"--most who age at that rate do have it somewhere in that eleven-to-seventeen range, I'd think."

Soka shrugs. "Yeah, well. Still gotta go to the Temple for it, you know?"

"Are you going to take the verd'goten at all?" Na-Tsuyon asks, suddenly a little desperate to keep the Skywalkers here, with Mandalore and all its people, just a fraction of a moment longer.

"I don't think so," Soka muses. "I've been thinking about it, but I should probably talk about it with Jango, yeah?"

"Yeah," Na-Tsuyon says, and feels like she's swallowing down around rocks.

----

As it turns out, the timing is very deliberate. Three weeks later, Jaster transfers the title of Mand'alor to his son.

(Though Na-Tsuyon does not know this, twenty-six is older than Jango was when he lost the title, once upon another life.)

There is a week of festivity. There is food, and drink, and dancing. Some people get married. Some people make announcements of impending births. Some people reveal songs they composed in preparation for this very day.

For a week, Mandalore celebrates a new king.

Then, the Jedi and his children leave.

(Ben gives Na-Tsuyon a hug before he goes.)

(She tries to understand why she feels like she's losing something when he does.)

[septembercfawkes]

Getting Passive Protagonists to Act

Many beginning writers struggle with protagonists who are too passive. The plot seems to constantly be happening to him or her, but the protagonist doesn’t take an action to make the plot happen.

Ideally, when an event happens to a protagonist, the protagonist responds by taking an action that influences the next event, which then influences the protagonist, which then influences an event—and on and on. But that can be easier said than done. Especially if you have a protagonist who prefers to live life passively.

This could all get confusing, though, because in story structure, almost all protagonists will more or less become more proactive. But for the sake of this post, I'm talking about protagonists who are characteristically passive. A protagonist who may want to kick up his feet in a hammock with a glass of lemonade and watch the world deal with its own problems. How do we write a story about that guy?

Many people will tell you that you can't--you must change the character.

But that is not wholly true.

It's true in a good story, we need the protagonist to act--especially at key moments--but that doesn't mean he innately yearns to act.

Often the best solution in dealing with a passive character is to strengthen the stakes. Let me explain.

Anyone will Act with the Right Stakes

The stakes are potential consequences; they are what are at risk in the story. We often think of them as negative things (someone's life may be at risk), but they can also be positive things (the opportunity to be taught by a professional in your ideal vocation).

Stakes are important because if there is nothing at risk, then what happens, doesn't really matter, which means what the protagonist does, doesn't really matter, because it doesn't change any outcomes. The story only matters insomuch as we understand potential outcomes. The protagonist's choices only matter if they affect the outcomes.

For example, we only care about Frodo destroying the Ring because we know doing so could rid Middle-earth of Sauron’s evil. If we didn't know that, what happened with the Ring wouldn't really matter. And what Frodo did wouldn't carry any weight. (You can learn more about stakes in my article "How to Write Stakes in Storytelling.")

When struggling with getting a passive protagonist to act, (almost) always look at the stakes.

No Stakes

Make sure that you’ve at least laid out stakes. Sometimes writers feel like the stakes are obvious, so they don't mention them. Just as bad, if not worse, the stakes may be too vague. And definitely worse: nonexistent.

If the protagonist doesn't have anything clearly to gain or lose, why would she act? If what happened to the Ring didn't change something, why would Frodo go to Mount Doom? Why would any of us do anything if it didn't make some kind of difference?

In a case like this, clear stakes need to be on the page.

Let's look at some examples of what one might consider passive people within the context of their stories.

Shrek wants nothing more than to live alone on his swamp. If there is nothing at risk, is he really going to go on an adventure to rescue a princess? Probably not.

In The Edge of Tomorrow, I think it could be argued that the protagonist, Bill Cage (played by Tom Cruise) is somewhat passive in relation to the main conflict. The story is about him fighting in a war against aliens, but he has absolutely no desire whatsoever to enter combat--in fact, he's a coward. You think he would sign up to be the first in combat out of the goodness of his heart? No way.

In Trigun by Yasuhiro Nightow, protagonist Vash would rather spend all day, every day eating donuts, playing with kids, and helping out the person down the street. He'd rather live life under an alias than face the fact he's the only one capable of standing up to the antagonist and saving the human race.

If none of these characters ever had anything at risk, then they would have never taken the actions they needed to, to move the story forward. They would have been forever passive.

In short, they only acted once there were stakes.

Wrong Stakes

If there are stakes on the page, and the character still isn't acting, then chances are they are either the wrong stakes (things she doesn’t care about) or the stakes are too small (the potential consequences don’t pose a real threat or a meaningful gain).

If they are the wrong stakes, you need to think about what the protagonist cares about and put it in jeopardy. We all care about something--whether that’s a reputation or a pet.

For a passive person, you might need to dig deeper and brainstorm longer to figure out what it is. And if you are having trouble, keep in mind that it's also possible the passive protagonist wants something for someone else or his environment. Maybe she's satisfied drinking lemonade and getting picked on, but she's not okay with her kid getting bullied--that's not something she can let happen.

Shrek mostly cares about living alone on his swamp. If his distant neighbor is at risk of dying in loneliness, Shrek's likely not going to do much about it. The best way to get him to act, is to put his home and lifestyle at risk. He will be willing to take action to save that.

Bill is afraid of dying (it's part of what makes him a coward). If he's put in a situation where he could die, he'll be forced to act.

Vash is obsessed with saving people. Children, friends, innocents, criminals. It doesn't matter who. He doesn't want anyone to die. If no one is at risk of dying, then it's unlikely he will be drawn to fight his antagonists. Almost always he is led to act because someone's life is at risk.

Small Stakes

If the stakes are too small, you need to make them bigger by making them broader or more personal.

Even the most passive person is unlikely to feel passive with a gun pointed at them. Unless they have a death wish, in which case, you could have the gun pointing at a loved one, or you could threaten torture. Even people who have a death wish don't want to be tortured. Almost all of us will act if the stakes get big enough.

Alternatively, you can promise an opportunity that is too good to pass up. If all I want is to live out my life on a hammock by the beach sipping lemonade, then maybe the best motivation is the promise of getting that. Maybe I'd be willing to act, if it ensured that.

It's bad enough for Shrek to have a few creatures come on his swamp, but the fact that countless numbers of them will be exiled to his swamp, is even worse. This is a big enough issue to get him to act--he decides he must visit Farquaad, which moves the story to the middle.

It's bad enough to die once, but it turns out for Bill, that he has to die over and over and over again. He also has to go on the battlefield over and over and over again, too. He keeps repeating the same events. This is enough to get him to try new tactics (and really, what other choice does he have?).

It's bad enough that Vash can't save everyone. But when it turns out the antagonists plan to destroy the whole human race, well, he can't live out life in donut-filled peace, playing cops and robbers with tykes. He has to act.

Inaction Stakes

If your passive character still really does not want to act, it's worth keeping in mind that inaction is an action--it just needs significant stakes. There needs to be negative ramifications for the protagonist not acting. Ideally, eventually these negative consequences get so big or so personal, that the protagonist has to do something about it.

For example, at one point, Vash decides to live under an alias and do nothing. He decides to be inactive. Unfortunately, this results in an entire town getting wiped out by the antagonist. Doing nothing has steep consequences. He needs to at least try to do something.

This can become a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation--where "damned if you do" at least carries a small chance of success over "damned if you don't."

At one point in Edge of Tomorrow, Bill decides to do nothing. He even goes to a bar to drink in the middle of the day. Guess what? He still has to repeatedly die. Whatever he does, he ends up dying, and having to repeat that time frame. He can either be endlessly in a tortuous loop where he dies, dies, and dies, or he can keep trying to fix the situation. On the surface, it seems like he has a lot of options, since he gets to make different choices each time he repeats the day, but 99% of them lead to the same outcome. So in reality, he has very few choices. Act and maybe die. Or don't act and keep dying.

Limit Options

Related to the last one, one way to push a passive character to act, is to limit her choices and the outcomes. In fact, if we want to take this to the real world, studies show that the more options people have, the less likely they are to make a choice--or even make a good choice.

Like Bill, when there aren't really any options, the protagonist will be pretty much forced to act. Either keep reliving the same torture or try to do something about it.

Add to it some kind of countdown or convergence, so that the protagonist has a very limited window to act, and she'll have to do something.

Stakes Reveal Character

How the protagonist acts when there are things at risk, will reveal what kind of person she is.

In this sense, one might argue, that by strengthening the stakes to get her to act, you are changing her character after all.

Or perhaps, it would be more accurate to say that you are now revealing who she truly is.

Whatever the case, it can become an argument of semantics.

Similar things can happen with the term "passive."

Just understand the concepts and the tools.

The Reluctant Hero

In most, if not all cases, a characteristically passive protagonist will create a reluctant hero. Shrek doesn't want to save Fiona. Bill doesn't want to win the war. Vash doesn't want to confront the antagonist. They just want something to not happen, more than they want to do The Thing™️.

In this sense, while the passive protagonist will ultimately still be acting within the plot (which is necessary to write a good story), he or she may still yearn for passivity.

Of course, the character's arc may possibly shift that yearning by the end.

And it should go without saying, that pretty much all these same tricks will work for passive side characters, as well--when you need to get them to act. For example, in The Office, Stanley is characteristically passive. He pretty much sits in silence and does crossword puzzles. But when pushed far enough, he will back talk his boss. And when he wants something bad enough (like a free pretzel on pretzel day), he'll actually act.  

[masterthespianduchovny]

I’m going to be honest before I get to the Sam/Rebecca subplot: if they drop plots threads indicating that this continue into the next season and uplift this pairing, I’m out.

This storyline is gross and I can see why some people quit the show when the revealed happened.

When I say I’m repulsed by age gap relationships of this nature, this isn’t a shipping thing or a race thing. This is a moral and ethical thing. Because it’s not just an age gap, it’s also that Rebecca is Sam’s boss. I legitimately don’t see how people can overlook this and ship how “cute” this is. I’m not judging anyone, it just genuinely doesn’t make sense to me.

And for people who think I’m a hypocrite, Ted/Rebecca is not the same. Sam and Rebecca is like a principal dating a student. If you want to age Sam up, because people love to accuse others of infantilizing Sam, it’s like the president of a college dating a student. In both cases, there would be backlash, and have been, to these types of relationships.

Which would make Ted’s position that of a teacher/professor or someone higher. In most cases, there aren’t objections, however, both parties have to be transparent about their relationship and careful about how and if that influences their professional relationship with each other and others.

Last week, I mentioned a friend of mine who was 18 and dated someone who was 28. Both are white for reference. When I found out their ages and respective positions, I became concerned and doubly concerned.

Oh, they had chemistry and he made her so happy, but he was also controlling as fuck and emotionally abusive. During the duration of their relationship, he became her boss and would monitor her interactions via cameras in the back office. She was stressed out as fuck and would go to the bathroom to cry. You know, where cameras weren’t and where he couldn’t enter.

And it was a secret relationship because he could get in trouble. I didn’t say anything because she was with her boyfriend before she knew me. Me telling someone could’ve gotten him in trouble or fired, but that wouldn’t have ended the relationship. It would’ve made her end our friendship and cling closer to him. Instead, after I quit for other reasons, I sporadically checked on her to see how she was doing and give her advice and resources.

As far as the actual episode itself goes, I struggled to enjoy it due to the Sam/Rebecca situation. It should’ve ended at dinner at most.

The only emotional beat that landed, imo, was Jamie and Roy’s hug. I do think Ted’s confession was strong, but the flow was kinda weird for me. By itself it works.

Two things working for me that wasn’t at the forefront of the episode was 1. How Ted’s problem is fucking over the team. 2. That Nate is in over his head.

Even if AFC Richmond had lost with Ted being in his A game, it wouldn’t have been that made and the team would’ve been more competitive. They were sloppy and making baffling errors. Their head was not in the game and it showed. Man City wasn’t that good, Richmond was just that ill prepared.

And who led training?

Nate.

Nate has great instincts, but he isn’t ready to lead a team and he still has a lot of work to do before growing into coaching a team as head coach.

But let me stress, this falls completely on Ted and even Beard to an extent. Yes, Ted is having emotional issues, however, many people rely on him and he wasn’t there. I don’t mean literally because teams should be able to function without their head coach for stretches of time. He hasn’t been there mentally and emotionally for most of the season. Because AFC Richmond’s competition isn’t as premier as Man City, it’s easier to appear more dominant that you are, esp if you’re coach isn’t on his A game. However, when you’re up against actual Goliath’s in the league, you’ll get your ass handed to you like Richmond did.

As I mentioned earlier, if they do go through with supporting and uplifting Sam/Rebecca, my time with this fandom ends with the season 2 finale.

But if we take Ted’s dark forest into consideration, there is another way this could play out. Actually many.

The one I can see happening that can get her somewhat redeemed, because some will never get over this happening in the first place, is her hitting rock bottom via her relationship with Sam. Something will happen or make her have unflattering thoughts about herself and her actions that will drive her into a tailspin.

And I’m unsure if it’ll be just a personal crisis or if it’ll also be a professional crisis.

Some may disagree with me, but I do want this affair to come to light. Because if it doesn’t, it sets up this fucked up precedent that Rebecca can do fucked up shit and get away with it in private.

Rebecca fucked over her club, uprooted a man’s life in bad faith, and almost ruined several people’s careers due to her bullshit in the first season. The fact that she didn’t have to answer for any of this is a God damn mercy on Ted’s part even though she didn’t ask for it.

Now for her to date/fuck a player because “she just has to know.” Because she doesn’t want to let something pass her by?

Yeah…no.

Rebecca’s fear of loneliness is leading her to make very bad decisions and I fear what this means for Sam’s career and relationships if this breaks. There were people who allegedly care for Sam, yet cheered for this relationship to happen. What do you think happens with his locker room relationships? I’ve already explained in another post that either this sours those relationships OR they want favors from him because he’s dating/fucking the boss.

He’ll get crucified in the media. He may even have trouble getting employed. Why? Because that’s how racism works.

“But, masterthespianduchovny, if Sam may receive hate and racist acts committed against him, why do you want the affair exposed?”

Because this shit show of a relationship isn’t about just Sam. It’s about Rebecca’s fear of loneliness leading her to make bad decisions that effects everyone not just her and Sam. It’s the fact that a white woman isn’t thinking about how her actions could have major consequences for a young black man.

Rebecca is so obsessed with not being lonely and being loved that 1. She never sought help or productive ways to deal with the fall out and humiliation of her marriage. 2. She dated a man because he was “fine” and not because she was actually invested in him and the relationship 3. She’s getting involved with a player on her team without thinking of any of the consequences. 4. She’s not considering the other players, the coaches, or anyone else she’s responsible for.

Oh, and considering we got that call from Sam’s dad…his relationship with his father will most likely suffer as a result. AND now that Dubai Air thing looks suspect, esp because she was talking to him around that time unknowingly.

Oop! And isn’t she getting her relationship with Nora back on track? Even though Nora and Sam can’t legally date and I’m not saying every decision should be swayed by a teenage girl, however, Rebecca is literally sabotaging every relationship just because she’s afraid of being alone (I agree with another poster who said we really didn’t need to explore this storyline, but alas…)

Although Ted forgave Rebecca for her scheming in season one, I honestly don’t think he’d be so forgiving for this. It’s his job to protect players and look out for their well being and how can he one his boss is involved with one of his players, which again, affects others players. This relationship has major consequences for other people who are not in it.

Also, Sam…for someone who people love to say is mature enough to date an older woman, not once did even be consider the ramifications of getting involved with the boss.

Not once.

And that looks bad because a mature person his age would be mindful of such a thing. This isn’t considered or, at least, isn’t said onscreen. Sam os either thinking with his dick, his heart, or both, but he isn’t thinking with his head. Because there is no way you’re thinking with your head and don’t stop to say, “hey, this thing could jeopardize my relationship with my teammates and the other people I work with. Maybe I should think some more of this before pursuing a relationship with my boss.” Sam was all in from the moment he decided he wanted to have dinner with Rebecca. There was no thinking on his end.

But Sam’s super mature, right?

Another poster mentioned that there might be a screaming match between Rebecca and ted and I’m so here for that. No, I don’t think this argument will be romantic. They’ll have legitimate gripes with each other, but yeah…this is an argument that needs to happen. Which will most likely be before Rebecca gets help.

That’s all assuming this happens. Like I said, they could have Sam and Rebecca being a power couple (🤮), or handle this some other way. But if this is going to be framed as a good thing, others can enjoy it, but the show will have one less viewer from me.

[adventures-in-a-world-of-fiction]

The Leverage/Stargate fic I’ll probably never write

I have an idea for a Leverage/Stargate crossover fic but no drive to actually write it. So I’m going to lay down the plot summary of the story that exists in my head. If anyone wants to take some or all of this idea and flesh it out into a full story, you’re welcome to it.

AU!Eliot Spencer went to work for Stargate Command early on in its existence and has been there ever since. He's extremely good at his job but in a ruthless way that has everyone at best wary of him and at worst terrified. He's the guy you send on the most dangerous missions, but he's also the guy you send when you want something awful doing without any questions asked.

The Goa'uld have put a bomb in a child and killing the child is the only way to stop it going off and killing thousands? Eliot Spencer is your guy. The megadeathray gun is surrounded by slaves as human shields? Eliot Spencer is the guy who will blow it up while everyone else is busy arguing about whether there's a better way. Need someone to headshot a Goa'uld and not care about the innocent host? He's the guy who will pull the lever on your trolley problem while everyone else is still arguing the ethical ramifications.

They keep him around because he is really good at his job but also because everything he does is technically for the greater good and you can see the logic in shooting the guy with the alien virus before he can spread it and cause a plague but still, you'd think the guy would show a little remorse about shooting an innocent person in the head. So he doesn't really have friends in the SGC just reluctant allies, but he's doing good and saving the world in his own, violent way.

But then one of the science teams discover something that's giving off the same sort of energy readings as the quantum mirror and Eliot is there to act as bodyguard/escort to the scientists. They bring the shiny, aliens toys back through the Gate but then something gets activated by accident, zapping Eliot, and then suddenly canon!Eliot is there in the base, with an apron and a wooden spoon because he was in the middle of cooking dinner.

Naturally, he's immediately on the offensive because he's apparently been kidnapped and these people are all in military uniform, so he starts fighting and takes down six marines with a wooden spoon but then AU!Eliot is there fighting him and they're evenly matched. Neither can get an upper hand and they only stop when someone shoots them both with a zat while they're locked in combat and knocks them out.

Eliot wakes up heavily restrained and they try to explain that they think he's been pulled from a parallel universe and of course Eliot doesn't believe a word of it because it sounds like something from one of Hardison's weird TV shows, and the guy who looked like him was clearly a trick. He's scared that the other Eliot is part of some plot to get to his team and so of course he's not going to give them any sort of cooperation. Everyone else is scared of him because they know how scary their Eliot Spencer is and they don't want to get on the wrong side of him, but they need to get one of the techs to try and undo what was done, so they get one of the team to bring in the alien gizmo - and it's Hardison.

The Hardison of this world was still a computer genius and got recruited to get alien and human tech to work together. He doesn't really know Eliot because the techs tend to spend most of their time with other techs generally, but also that guy's scary. He really doesn't want to be in the same room as two of them, glaring at each other, because if their Eliot Spencer is the good version, he really doesn't want to know what the evil mirror universe Eliot Spencer is like. But he drew the short straw so he's got to come in and try to get some tech they barely understand to zap this guy back to where he came from.

Canon!Eliot recognises Hardison at once but thinks that he's here as part of a con as a rescue mission, so he pretends to have no idea who he is, but plays along. When Hardison starts explaining about parallel universes and alternate timelines and quantum mirrors, Eliot listens and pretends he might start to believe this technobabble and asks questions like he's starting to be convinced. The first test to send Eliot back to his universe doesn't work but he agrees to cooperate if Hardison keeps working to send him home, because he needs to get out of these restraints anyway if Hardison's rescue plan is to have any chance of succeeding. And the other people who are around standing guard or watching the events unfold are surprised that Eliot would believe Hardison over an alternate universe version of himself.

"Of course I don't trust me. I know me!"

But AU!Eliot knows him too and thinks that he's been convinced too easily and that this is a trick. He knows he would never be so quick to believe a total stranger and thinks that Eliot is just lying to get out of the restraints and then he'll start fighting everyone again, probably taking that tech as a hostage.

But while all this is going on, people are referring to Hardison by his real name and talking to him like he's been here for years, and canon!Eliot starts getting weirded out because Hardison would never use his real name in a con and he has a very distinctive tell when he's playing a part and he's not showing that tell now.

AU!Eliot wouldn't just announce that he doesn't think this guy is telling the truth so he beckons whatever senior officer is present over to the far corner so that they can talk quietly but he can still keep an eye on canon!Eliot and warns him about what he thinks the guy is planning. Meanwhile, Hardison is still running tests on canon!Eliot with the alien tech and now no one is close enough to overhear, so Eliot lets his hair hang in front of his face to shield his mouth from the security cameras and whispers, "Is Parker okay?"

Hardison just goes, "Who's Parker?" in a voice loud enough that everyone in the room can hear it.

"Damn it, Hardison!"

The senior office asks Hardison what happened and he repeats back exactly what Eliot said to him. That's what convinces Eliot that this is real because he knows that Hardison would never do anything to expose Parker and he wouldn't blurt something like that out in the middle of a con after all the years they've been doing this.

"You're not my Hardison, are you?"

"Your Hardison?!"

And Eliot tries to then convince them that he now believes them, even though they're more suspicious than ever because he was pretending to believe them before. Eliot just looks at Hardison and says, "I swear on your Nana's chicken, chilli caserole recipe that I won't hurt you if you let me out of these restraints."

Everyone else is really confused but Hardison is astonished because Nana's chicken chilli caserole recipe is sacred. It's a family secret, but she will only give the recipe to family members she deems worthy, meaning that only one of her foster kids has ever been told it and Hardison (who consists off gummy frogs and orange soda in every universe) has never so much glimpsed the page it's written on. It's a meal that is served on the specialest of special occasions and Nana would guard that recipe with her life.

"You know Nana's recipe?"

"I proved myself worthy at your engagement party. She gave me the recipe for the wedding."

"I'm married in your universe?!"

"Not legally." Because three-way unions aren't legal and besides, the guy they had officiate their wedding dropped out of priest school to become an insurance agent con artist, so it's not exactly official, but that's never stopped them. Hardison is still confused but thinks that maybe it wasn't legal because of gay marriage rules and this means he had an unofficial commitment ceremony to Eliot Spencer. He has to sit down while he processes this.

After some discussion, they let Eliot out of the restraints and he spends a little bit of time in the SGC while Hardison works on the tech. He talks to the alternate version of himself and suggests he take a cooking class and tells him he should get to know Hardison better because, "Once you get past the annoying surface part that makes you want to murder him, he's one of the smartest, bravest, and best people you could ever hope to meet, and half the irritating stuff he does is just to make you smile."

"And the other half?"

"He's just being irritating," but Eliot says this with a soft, caring smile that AU!Eliot hasn't seen in his reflection in a very long time and that makes him think it's worth giving it a shot.

And Eliot talks to Hardison too, telling him that he has absolute trust in his ability to work out all this alien tech stuff and get him home safely because he has people there who need him because he doesn't trust Hardison to feed himself any with more nutritional value than gummy frogs without him there to take care of him. And he convinces Hardison to take a chance on this universe's Eliot because if anyone can get past his defences, it's him. Or Parker, but she doesn't seem to be around in this universe.

And that seems like the perfect moment for Parker to appear out of a vent because she wanted to give herself a challenge breaking into a facility with more security than any museum and she's been listening in on all of this stuff as it unfolds.

So this universe's Hardison and Eliot convince the SGC guards not to shoot Parker because she has a really useful skillset, and canon!Eliot wishes them luck as he gets sent bak to his own world, where his Parker and Hardison are in the middle of tearing the criminal underworld into a million pieces to find out what happened to him.

[oodlyenough]

life is strange true colours review

the non spoilery part: i LOVED this game, my personal fave game this year and the first franchise entry since the original that has really resonated with or moved me.

it's a life is strange game through and through, so if you don't like slice of life episodes or bonding with NPCs, it's not gonna be for you. but if you like the franchise, or even if you liked the first game but haven't been interested in/liked the other two instalments, i recommend giving this one a chance. i think it got closer to figuring out the formula while still doing something new and interesting.

more detailed spoilers and opinions:

alex

holy shit i love alex? bisexual chad... my darling... i'm gonna be real, a lot of the trailers and promo for this game made me worried she'd be kind of a dull wallflower Soft Girl character, but she's not! she's so funny, and even parts of her characterization i initially thought were maybe a bit of a stretch ended up making sense as i learned more about her. she stole the show. i straight up forgot how much loving the protag helps enjoyment of these kinds of games lmao ... finally a reason to click on everything in the room: to hear what alex will say about it.

i thought her backstory exploration in ep 5 especially was wonderful and emotive and great. broke my heart and explained so much about her :( baby girl

plot/choices

i loved the mystery. i don't think it was quite as Mysterious as the mystery in lis1, but that was okay, i was still invested in solving it. i also got invested enough in the NPCs around the town to make all the exploration bits really fun. i loved eavesdropping on the sagas of the random NPCs like bald man and ice cream couple... just fun little touches and narratives to follow that i enjoyed.

i really appreciated this script not being afraid to shy away from some messier emotions, even if in some cases i wish we spent more time on them. for example: alex feeling a bit jealous of the other people in town that got to know gabe better than her/spend more time with him than she did. or charlotte hating ethan!!! my jaw dropped, i thought that was so good, what a messy but realistic response.

I'm not entirely sure what all the ramifications of different choices are at this point, fresh off my first play. i ended up getting only part of the council to stand with me (eleanor & duckie) while losing pike and charlotte.

i do wish we saw a bit more fallout or exploration of what taking away emotion DOES. i took charlotte's anger, and obviously it meant she didn't stand up for me in the council meeting, but where does she go from there? does she like... ever return to feeling emotions lmao... I also think we probably should've had the opportunity to do that another time, instead of just 2 isolated events -- I think Diane would've been a good candidate.

the romance

i romanced steph, ofc, but i was surprised during the game how drawn i was to ryan too -- i really liked that Drama of him being the one who cut Gabe free, as well as later the drama of him being Jed's son. UNTIL HE DIDN'T BELIEVE ME... that made me mad lmfao, i have to learn what to do to make him believe me before i play a Ryan route bc i'll kill him lmfao.

the steph/alex romance was sweet... it didn't really, like, Consume Me as a ship, but by the end of the game I was still "aww"ing at their moments in the flashforward. steph was more rounded and flawed than i thought she might be, which i really appreciated! i was worried they'd just make her perfect idealized gf, but she has a bit of a temper and is kind of tempestuous and stuff... liked it. loved her standing up for alex so fiercely and immediately at the council meeting <3 and my main reservation about her in ep 4 was that i wanted alex to stay in haven, so when she offered to stay i was thrilled LOL

one semi-complaint i had was that something i loved so much about lis1 was how max and chloe's relationship was central to the entire game and story, it wasn't some extra thing on the side, it WAS the game... whereas here, the romance routes, especially steph's, felt like sidequests. I wish they'd found a way to incorporate those relationships a bit more into the main goings-on. I also wanted to spend more time with either romance option to feel like I knew them better -- splitting the time between Steph and Ryan means that I came away feeling like I didn't get quite as much of either of them as I would've liked, vs spending almost the entire game with Chloe lol.

however, this ended up not really bothering me too much because I DID really like the core mystery and themes, the exploration of grief and Emotion, etc.

other characters

considering everyone knew going into the game that gabe was going to die, i was impressed with how they did it, and how they managed to get me attached to gabe in a mere single episode. it's a tall order to introduce a character designed to die, who your audience KNOWS is going to die, and still make them work.

i thought this supporting cast was ... maybe the strongest in the franchise? or at least, they created scenarios where i felt invested in multiple people in the town, and was genuinely trying to build decent relationships with most of them. duckie cracked me tf up, i liked eleanor and riley, even diane and jeb were good for their roles. (fuck pike. i signed ur stupid thing and left your emotions alone and you still won't do shit? ACAB!!!) the choice to stay in haven or leave was a little harder than i expected honestly, considering how quickly i let arcadia bay burn to the ground lmfao.

gameplay/etc

also i know the whole internet has been dunking on "empathy" as a super power since the game was announced, and i get that it sounds corny and looks corny in the trailers, but i thought how they did it was really cool. i wish they'd branded it "Mindreading" more than empathy tbh because a lot of the cooler elements of it are more along those lines... using her power to manipulate people, potentially taking people's emotions away and what that does to them... very interesting imo!

i really liked the memory feature!!! cool way to give us character exposition and inform the story while encouraging exploration. finally a collectible that like, expands the story, instead of chloe drawing butts on the wall and sean taking 10 years to draw something.

it's definitely the most evolved-feeling LIS game, which it should be, given it's the newest. graphics looked really nice, loved getting to see the characters actually emote, even if there are still some scenes that were a lil comically blank-faced -- usually NPCs. i actually noticed this with Jed the most, which in retrospect maybe was somewhat intentional?

i had a number of visual glitches, nothing major but a little silly, like T-posing Alex, npcs t-posing in the windows, etc. i'm sure they'll get patched out soon.

anyway... i rly liked this game, i'm excited for the steph dlc and finally feel like i have reason to be optimistic about future LIS instalments. hooray!

[fbfh]

promptember day 10 - 2/2 maxon schreave x rebel!reader - 47 fluff

You knew, from the first kiss, the political ramifications this would have. You both did. There was never any avoiding it, really.

It was to stop your cover from being blown, that’s what you told yourself, and him, at the time. PDA makes people uncomfortable, and the last thing the king’s militia would be looking for while searching for the rebel group that kidnapped the prince would be Maxon making out with their leader in public. That’s exactly why it made sense. The fact that it was a logical step to take only led to you to deny your feelings even longer.

It was hard enough holding council with the king to explain that you never kidnapped his son, he had run away. Maxon wanted to know first hand what the people in Illea faced on a day to day basis, the struggles they dealt with that he was too privileged to even imagine. Maybe, he thought, if he could know what it was like first hand, if he could hear the people’s voices, he would be able to make real, substantial change.

As luck would have it, the first person he found rowdily talking politics and social issues in the bar he’d found happened to be you - the leader of the most powerful anonymous rebel group in the country. You and your crew had forsaken castes, and forged connections all over Illea. Your connections in the upper castes provided funding and supplies to liberate and relieve people who were struggling.

Once Maxon found out what you do, you couldn’t get rid of him. Of course, it was just a stroke of bad luck that he was seen being dragged to safety during a riot, which was immediately misconstrued as a royal kidnapping. Having to break into the palace to return the prince was something you’d never dreamed you’d have to do.

You were almost successful, too. It was at the last possible minute the guards found you returning their prince. After a lot of begging and convincing, Maxon got his father and the council to at least listen to you plead your case. After providing a lot of evidence you’d been compiling of how the harm and violence attributed to you and your group was actually done by the king’s guards themselves, they had no option but to listen to you.

With you and Maxon supplementing each other's experiences, you presented the plan you’d been working on together for weeks. If it hadn’t been for the media coverage, you were sure it would have been “under consideration” until hell freezes over. Thankfully, the return of the prince had made the news - live, of course - so you were guaranteed an audience. You’d be lying if you said it wasn’t one of the most satisfying moments of your life, finally having everyone in Illea listen to what you have to say, face to face.

When all was said and done, all King Clarkson had to say was, “Well, now with all this settled we can finally begin preparing for your selection.”

You could see that he was going to refuse, right then and there. You dragged him out for a sidebar before he could.

You never considered yourself a hopeless romantic, but when Maxon grabbed your face, and told you as fiercely as anything, “I don’t care about any of the selected, I want to be with you.” you couldn’t help yourself. You closed the distance, kissing him again and again.

Now here you are, reveling in newly confessed feelings, trying to figure out your next move.

“We have to tell them,” you say, shaking your head. Obviously there are risks. The people that look up to each of you could see you as sellouts betraying what you stand for. But there’s a chance this could mend the country faster than any bills or alliances could.

He looks at you, and you can see how much he really does not want to do this. He has good reason to fear his father, a fact that still fills you with ineffable rage.

“We could run away,” he says, a silly sort of hope to the statement.

“Yeah,” you say with a laugh, “look how well that worked out for you last time.

He looks down, suddenly much more serious. His hand caresses yours, hesitant and tender.

“I’d do it again.”

You turn away, biting back another one of those weird, flustered smiles only he seems to be able to invoke in you.

You both sit in silence for a moment, enjoying what relative peace you have.

“So,” you say, ready as ever, “we doing this?” You look at him expectantly, and he returns the gesture. He has that new sort of confidence in his eyes, not the kind you get from fencing and etiquette lessons, but the kind you get from absolute trust, an altruistic confidence that you will make this work, because this is what’s going to do good for everyone around you.

“Alright,” you laugh, “ready when you are.”

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannibal x Female!Reader) pt. 3

A certain redheaded tabloid journalist tracks y/n down at work. Y/n finds out how persistent she is when she makes her an offer she just can’t refuse. 

Trigger warnings: Christianity, stalking, survivor’s guilt

You made it out alive, and that was more than could be said for some. 

Your consolation prize was a ghastly scar on your hand that you kept bandaged up as to not scare small children. You did get some worker’s comp after all; enough to pay for your medical bills and a little extra to make up for the lost workdays. All things considered, you were the lucky one. Four people lost their lives that day and three more were injured far worse than you. You should have felt grateful to be alive.

But somehow that was even worse. You got a couple stitches and some time off. It wasn’t worth four people’s lives. 

Your therapist explained it to you very gently. You were experiencing a phenomenon known as "survivor's guilt". She encouraged you to join a support group, get outside and familiarize yourself with your new experiences. 

This was good advice and all, but yours was the newest, hottest crime. You couldn't go anywhere without being hounded by reporters looking for whatever details you had somehow left out. Dr. Bloom encouraged you to take some time off work until the media circus died down, but you had bills to pay.

"I feel like there should be some rule about re-opening a restaurant within a week of it being an active crime scene." Charissa observed as she wiped down a table. "If anything, it's a health hazard."

"Are you serious?" You scoffed. You'd been tasked with refilling the salt shakers. Appropriate, because there was plenty of salt to go around. "Demand for this place has never been higher. Everyone wants to see if the blood is still on the carpet."

"Hooray for capitalism." She rolled her eyes. "Are you gonna be okay, [F/N]?"

"'Okay' is a very relative term." You forced a laugh. "I think I can make it through the shift if that's what you're asking."

"Aren't you behind the bar all evening?" She asked.

"Yeah, but that means I'm trapped." You folded your arms. "First thing you see when you walk in is the waitress who survived the- what are they calling him?"

"The Baltimore Butcher." She answered with a voice full of vitriol. "Do you think they ever consider the ramifications of giving literal murderers these weird superhero names? Like, no wonder we get copycats, they treat these guys like celebrities."

"Holy shit, right?!" You slammed the salt shaker down on the table. "Y'know, last night on the news, they used the creep's graduation photo and kept saying that he was a good Christian young man with a lot of prospects."

Charissa stuck out her tongue in disgust. "I saw that. And how he was 'corrupted' by crack cocaine. Once again, blaming a drug that was used to villainize poor Black neighborhoods in the 80's as some kind of corrupting agent."

You nodded furiously. "Instead of understanding that Christianity is a violent imperialist religion that lets violent white men absolve themselves of any guilt."

"And they knew it wasn't crack." Charissa added. "I heard that shit was completely uncut. You know he spent a lot on it."

"And I will say this until the day I am put in the goddamn ground," you tensed up. "The only reason the fucker escaped is because he is white."

"Hey y'all." Another waitress walked in for her shift. "What are we talking about?"

"Cocaine." Charissa answered. “Also white privilege.” 

"Great." She said dismissively. "Hey [F/N], can I scoop up that bar shift? I could really use the tips."

"Madison!" Charissa scolded. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"What?" Madison shrugged and glanced at you. "I didn't get any paid time off. I need the money."

"Was that supposed to be a joke?" Charissa scowled. "Are you seriously joking about her trauma?!"

"It's fine, she can have it." You rolled your eyes, then turned them to Madison. "Just know you're the reason I have survivor's guilt."

"Well now I feel bad." Madison frowned.

"Good." You and Charissa said in unison.

It was sort of comforting to get back to the script. Almost nostalgic. It provided the illusion of normalcy in an incredibly abnormal new reality. 

You approached the first table in Madison’s block, hoping for a new beginning. A young woman with fiery red hair sat alone by the window. 

“Hi!” You greeted, with a smile as genuine as you could muster. “My name is [F/N], I’ll be your waiter tonight.” 

The woman smiled back. “Evening.” 

You couldn’t tell what, but something was off. Perhaps you were trying too hard to force normalcy. Or maybe it was the borderline predatory way the woman was looking at you; like a shark following a trail of blood. Either way, the vibes were rancid. 

“Can I start you off with a drink or is water okay?” You ask. 

“Could I possibly trouble you for a glass of chardonnay?” She asked, lowering her eyebrows. 

“Of course.” You nodded and reached for your pen. 

“Actually,” She corrected herself. “If you could bring a bottle and two glasses, I’m expecting company.” 

“Absolutely.” You scribble the order down on your notepad. “Do you have a preference?” 

She thought for a moment. “Oh, dealer’s choice. Whatever you prefer.” 

You soon returned to her booth with a bottle of your favorite chardonnay and two stemmed glasses. You poured a small bit in one glass to let her taste. 

“You have wonderful tastes.” She complimented, filling her glass. “It’s very delicious.” 

You rocked on your heels. “Would you like to place your order now, or do you want to wait until after your guest arrives?” 

“Actually,” she repeated, filling the other glass. “My guest is already here.” 

She slid the glass across the table and gestured to the other seat. 

You felt stupid, but there was no way to avoid this. You couldn't just not do your job. She cornered you by the confinements of your profession.

"I really can't, I'm on the clock." You said, apologetically. The wine beckoned you. "I'm sorry, maybe another time."

"Oh, bummer." The woman placed her chin in her hand and pouted. "Well, I'm sure there's something that would make your boss look the other way."

She glanced down at your bandaged hand, then met your eyes. "The bandages are a dead giveaway, [F/N] [L/N]."

You then noticed a wire sticking from her pocket. Undoubtedly some kind of recording device. You looked at the ground. "I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave."

"But who will drink all this wine?" She asked, raising her glass.

"Ma'am." Your voice hardened as you tried to bite back an overwhelming rage. "Please leave the restaurant. I'm not going to ask you again."

Your manager, Matthew, passed by. "What's going on here?"

"This waitress is being very rude." The woman complained. "I ordered chardonnay, and she brought me chablis."

"Chablis is a type of chardonnay." You corrected. Even you found it strange that this was the hill you were willing to die on. "She asked for my preference, and I prefer the unoaked varieties."

Matthew looked confused. "Well, she's right."

You gestured to her pocket and he caught on immediately. He narrowed his eyes. "Ma'am, please leave the premises or I'll be forced to call the police."

The woman stood up, rummaged through her pockets and slapped a handful of bills down on the table. She then proceeded to drink both glasses of wine and walk away.

Matthew looked at you apologetically as he collected the bills. "Are you sure you want to be here tonight? I can call in someone to cover for you."

You shook your head and grabbed the bottle by its neck. "No, it's okay. I appreciate the concern but I really just want things to go back to normal."

"Hey!" A woman from the adjacent table called out. You prepared to immediately recant your statement about not going home.

"We like chablis." The woman said, gesturing to herself and her friend.

Her friend joined in. "And if that nosy reporter lady isn't gonna drink it..."

You glanced at Matthew, who shrugged. "Sure. It's yours."

The women exchanged delighted looks as you placed the bottle on their table. Matthew handed you a couple of clean glasses and you began to pour.

"For this wine, I suggest any of our wonderful seafood dishes." You explained, your cheeks stinging with a smile. "It also pairs quite nicely with chicken and game bird."

"Thank you." One of the women said. "If you don't mind, we'd like to take a look at the menu, please."

"Of course." You nodded. "Just flag me down whenever you're ready."

"This is why I put you behind the bar, by the way." Matthew gently scolded you as you collected the soiled glasses.

"Didn't you hear?" You said. "Madison needs the money because we can't all have paid time off."

"You should have come to me first." He sighed. "She has no right to say those things to you."

"Never stopped her before." You shrugged.

"I'll talk with her after the dinner rush." He said. "Just... try not to get cornered tonight, okay?"

"I'll do my best." You answered, flatly. “Because that’s definitely something I can control.” 

The rest of your shift went smoothly, or, as smoothly as could be expected given the circumstances. The nosy reporter was right, your bandage was a dead giveaway. You had to dodge a couple of questions, but most people had enough decorum to know the wound--metaphorical and literal--was still fresh. 

You said goodbye to Matthew and Charissa, collected your things and walked out to your car. You put the key in the ignition, only to find your gas tank was completely empty. You had just filled it that morning. 

You bit back a scream and fought the urge to slam your head against the steering wheel. Throwing the door open, you mentally prepared yourself to either make a long trek to the nearest gas station, or beat someone up.

“Looking for this?” A smug voice said over the cicadas. 

You turned around and saw the nosy reporter from before holding up a canister. A deep, blistering fury overtook your face as you slammed the car door. “You siphoned my fucking gas?” 

 “It’s not like you left me with much choice, [F/N].” She crossed her arms. “You’ll get it back once you answer my questions.” 

You threw your head back in disbelief. “You’re Freddie Lounds, aren’t you?” 

“I see I’m not the only one who does my research.” She said, looking a bit impressed. “How’d you know?” 

“It’s the first thing that comes up when you search ‘unethical crime journalists Baltimore’.” You answered. “There’s a whole flair dedicated to you on the subreddit for murder survivors.” 

Freddie seemed proud of herself. “Need a ride?” 

“I’d rather drive off a cliff.” You said, honestly, before turning around to leave. 

“Where are you going?” She walked after you. 

“To get more fucking gas, you evil bitch.” You shouted back. “Are you gonna follow me to the BP too?” 

“Look, I heard what you were saying to your friend.” She called out. “About white privilege.”

“Yeah,” You rolled your eyes. “It’s the same privilege that allows you to siphon a stranger’s gas and sit in a parking lot all night without getting arrested.”

“And I agree with you.” She hurried to your side, her chunky platform boots clacking against the asphalt. “They did you dirty and they’re shooting themselves in the foot by not listening to you.” 

You turned around and threw up your arms. “Why didn’t you just lead with that?”

“I invited you to sit down over a bottle of wine, did I not?” Freddie chuckled. 

“Cornering me at work is not a gesture of goodwill.” You huffed. “And I actually do want to put my story out there, but all you’re accomplishing by stalking me is guaranteeing you won’t be the one to do it.” 

“Are you really in a position to be that selective?” Freddie smirked and placed all her weight on one hip. 

You groaned. “What?” 

“The Baltimore Butcher is still out there, and you won’t be the hot new victim forever.” She grinned sadistically. “Soon enough, him or some other psycho is going to strike, and your fifteen minutes of fame are up.” 

“Good. Then I can go back to living my life.” You said. 

“But what if his next victim is a Christian?” Freddie grabbed your shoulder. “What if the next person who narrowly avoids getting their throat slashed decides to go on record and say that he doesn’t represent ‘real Christianity’?” 

You went quiet. You hadn’t considered it, but the thought of anyone downplaying his faith as a motivation made your blood boil. You looked into the man’s eyes and saw a person driven to kill for his god. A god he shared with the crusaders, conquistadors and slavers. 

“...but it does. Christians colonized half the planet for--” 

You stopped yourself when you saw Freddie’s smile. 

“You want to get on your soapbox, now’s your chance.” She bit her lip. “Take control of the conversation while you still can.” 

“Fine.” You spat. “I get off work tomorrow at four.” 

Freddie shoved the gas can into your hands. “I’ll see you then.”