#realest thing i’ve seen all week

[torturedblue]

It’s the middle of the week, have some dancing turtles

Spoilers below as I gush about my Mutant Mayhem Monday experience 🤗 please feel free to gush with me I wanna hear other people’s thoughts too!

First off… When Seth wanted to put the teenager in TMNT he meant it. Like, all the versions act like teenagers, but like Nickelodeon PG stereotypical teens. MM turtles were the realest PG-13 outta pocket 21st century teenagers I’ve ever seen and I love that shit because it’s the first time I actually felt like I was around the kids in middle school and high school again with the way they talk. Kinda appreciate Superfly cussing too? Like idk it’s Ice Cube and this villain goes hard tryna kill some teenage turtles he formally saw as his lil cousins, let the grown mutant cuss

Also uh, was not expecting to be sad so early in the movie? Like I could tell from the trailers it was gon be an emotional rollercoaster but shit like ten minutes in and these turtles are fuckin depressed. And to see it really hit me because in every other version (except for Bayverse) the turtles literally never let not being part of the human world get to them. In the shows especially they’re so well adjusted and never bothered by sticking to the shadows. Then there’s Rise where they pretty much go out whenever they want and indulge in most of the human world stuff they want to. For these guys to be so stunted and desperate to have more freedom was so heart wrenching. Especially when Splinter grounds them for a whole month and the reality sinks in of how much they know the life they want isn’t an option for them

Wasn’t expecting any kind of ship or romance but that crush Leo has on April hit me like truck because…… holy crap the Leo-April pair has never been a thing? On top of that this is only the second on screen black April we’ve seen and I’ve been a Leo kinnie across the board since day one so to see this combo of my favorite character liking a black girl is making me lose my mind 🥲 and like it got me thinking of several of my favorite shows and the single characters I kin in those and if they’ve ever had black love interests and it’s just still not a common normalized thing honestly.

I’m sure a lot of people aren’t excited for the prospect of ships coming back (especially after 2012 scarred us) but as a Leo lover and black girl it got me so excited to see something like this. I’m just hopeful and optimistic they won’t mess it up like a lot of shows do. The “this is just as friends line” already makes me a little worried bc that trope never has a good history but I have faith they’ll handle things tastefully and not make it toxic or messy

MURDER THE SHREKS!

“I assume you’d wanna be on camera. ‘Cause you have, like a very camera ready look…” OKAY SMOOOOOTH LEONARDOOOOOO 👏🏽

Could not stop laughing while he was shooting his shot my face was literally donnie’s restraining myself from bursting out laughing

Just a couple of my favorite questions that April wrote down for them:

“Do you carry salmonella?” Look I still don’t know wtf salmonella is but it’s the second time a TMNT iteration has joked about it so I’m starting to think it has something specifically to do with turtles 👀

“Have you caught covid?” Oml covid exists in this world

“Are you the source of covid?” OUT OF LINE 💀

“How many people has the red bandana turtle stabbed? Does he need therapy?” Yes.

“Does sunlight cause you to burst into flames?” They’re- they’re not vampires? 😂

Leon Ardo deserves the world and whatever he wants in it give him everything 😭

I will never understand what made Donnie laugh so hard at the name Nardo other than it being because it’s his sibling and that it bothers Leo lmao

All imma say about the puke scene is that I’m glad I heard an “out of context” spoiler about it bc I knew exactly when to look away and I’m glad I did bc the scene lasted for so long??? 😀❓But hey at least I had Unwritten to listen too while I was sparing my eyes 😂

The sequence of them going around and shaking down those gangs and Superfly’s connections. BAD. ASS. And each of them got their own moments to shine? Loved it. Like they each even got to take point and have their moments where they got to kick in the door lol. And the fight scenes were just, muah. Chef’s kiss, they all looked amazing taking grown ass adults down together

Okay Splinter definitely gets the best dad award for putting together that little surprise party, with all the celebrity Chris’s and pretending to wait on them 🥺 so pure. It did make me sad the guys immediately left and you can just see such a sad dejected look on Splinter’s face, knowing he can’t provide what his kids really want or make them happy enough without it 🥲 At the very least they say thanks and that they appreciate but I would’ve at least stayed for a lil bit and gone along with it, Splinter just looked so excited about it and it was so sweet 😭

And he doesn’t even get upset though he knows they’re hiding something, he just says he’ll help them if they’ve gotten into trouble, which is something I’m sure almost every kid has wanted instead of having the kind of relationship where they’re more scared of telling their parents they messed up instead of handling it on their own

I love how musical Superfly’s family is 😂 Ray Filet just starts sing-introducing his name and Mondo and the other couple mutants when they drive with in the car trying to find music they could all sing to together 🥹 not to mention the musical references Superfly makes later that I’ll get to. “Kinda don’t wanna murder everyone on Earth, I just kinda wanna sing” Me too bruh.

Raph immediately going “goochi goochi goo” and playing peekaboo with Genghis frog is so underrated that boy has such a soft side he’s not even that afraid of showing at times, and maybe it’s continuing the trope of Raph having a soft spot for pets/animals? Who knows 😌

Yo I was kinda shook when that government guy knocked Leo out and he just fell unconscious on the ground 😶 Like we’re used to seeing the authorities be brutal especially in movies like this but that’s a whole teenager? You just assaulted a minor? 🙂 Crazy

Also I know it’s sad they got captured and drained painfully but Mikey in that scene was hilarious 😂 like even the way he was dramatically crying and Leo was just started to cry with him like “iM sO sOrRy mIkEeEeEy! 😭” gold. When one of his children is hurting Leo hurts too. One of my favorite moments 🤣

They literally started singing BTS while being tortured they’re so unserious but like in a serious way to them and I love it. Also the fact that they did it just to make Donnie feel better? So pure. Like Raph of all turtles offered to sing while being drained of blood (bc I refuse to use the m word 💀)

The way Splinter snuck in and soloed literal government soldiers single handedly? Badass. Never loved seeing a Splinter save his sons so much 🥹

“But it’s the only way we’ll be accepted.”

“No! We accept you!”

“You can come live with us! We accept you!”

“WE VIBE!”

Oml they’re so puuuuure 😭 I really thought this was gonna be a moment where the guys invite them all to come live with them and Splinter was gonna be like ‘aha 😬 whoa slow down there’ but damn nah he was just as enthusiastic as them inviting all those mutants to come live in their home forever “The more the merrier!” Like ugh he just loves finding family like Baxter Stockman and we see where the guys got their loving nature from 🥹

The amount of his soul Mikey put into that BROSEEEPH was so real like I’ve never heard the name broseph be said in any other way, I’m so glad they put that moment in there

“New York, New York!” “I’m the king of New York!”

Oml superfly’s a Broadway baby 🤗 he’s a big bad villain marching through time square and talking about King Kong but he’s fill gonna nerd out and make his musical theatre references 😂

“For once in your life you didn’t sound lame. You actually started to sound like a leader”

“That was really heartfelt Raph”

I love the Leo Raph dynamic in this movie. Like they don’t always agree or understand each other but they will show love towards one another and show mutual appreciation

Something about any of the turtles shells cracking always gets to me for some reason like those are some serious permanent injuries so I want to see if they do anything special with that in the sequel or show maybe 🤔 And I couldn’t tell if all of theirs cracked or just one, and if so which turtle it was. I think Leo or Raph. I feel like it was Leo but Raph’s are also starting to have a trend of getting cracks in their shells so 🤷🏽‍♀️

Also I do not want to judge what other people like to wear but why are Raph and Donnie the only normal dressed ones 😭 like Mikey looks like he’s going on vacation and Leo looks like he’s going to clock in at Best Buy 😂 tell me it’s because they have limited resources for clothes lmao. HE’S LITERALLY WEARING A LANYARD

Them taking off the masks was crazy honestly… like them deciding not to wear them made my brain pause until I realize they’re kids going to school now and not being ninjas all the time… they don’t need them anymore. I’m just so pleased with the fact that this movie was willing to do what all other iterations weren’t. I see why they’re getting a sequel and show already, these guys and the plot development deserve so much more exploration

Maybe I missed something in the beginning but I’m wondering where Stockman went. Like is he still in custody? Did he die? Because not seeing him again that’s what I assumed but we only saw him get arrested or whatever, so if anything I don’t get why Superfly and the others wouldn’t try to break him out 🤔 I was surprised they didn’t make him a villain though, but I’m pretty happy about him getting to be a more optimistic kind character tho

SHREDDER HAD ME SHOOK LIKE THE ARMOR ALREADY LOOKED SO COOL AND I WAS NOT EXPECTING THEM TO GET THE BIG BAD INVOLVED AHHHH I’M SO READY TO SEE THEM REACT TO THIS ANGRY GIANT TIN CAN

Although I do wonder if Shredder’s gonna have some personal gripe with them since they have a different backstory he doesn’t seem to be a part of. And shit now that they’re public and in school it’s gonna be so much easier for him to go after them 😅 pluses and minuses…

The soundtrack: golden. Cultured. Nothing but range. Goes from a 90’s rap song to Natasha Bedingfield’s soulful 2000’s song. Most movies only ever have all pop mainstream songs or only rap songs because they think they can’t mix but MM does it effortlessly. The turtles are so versatile not just with music genres but they make old and new references ‘cause they’re well rounded kings 💪🏽 Between rizz, Adele, broski, Hey Arnold, K-Pop, Ferris Bueller, etc… I mean Donnie’s literally doing the sprinkler and the funky chicken in that gif up top 😂 they’re born in 2008 I doubt any kids today know about those dances anymore

Clearly I have all the thoughts and feelings about these boys and the movie, but I think this is probably my favorite TMNT movie? I’ve loved all of them but I think this one definitely brings me the most comfort fr

[le-trash-prince]

OF Episode 9 Thoughts

I had to watch without my friend this week so it was a less exciting experience without the usual screaming, but this ep was so good. Honestly I don’t know why people are worried about the show not having enough episodes left to wrap up all their plot lines because they cover SO MUCH GROUND in every episode

first off I’ve been internally screaming about SandNick since the promo pics dropped AHFKFJDJDJD THE WHIPLASH THIS CREW HAS PUT MY THROUGH TODAY.

Ray peaked in his full problematic era and it was finally to the point where I could fully enjoy it. Go girl, pressure Mew into having sex. Cheat on the boy you’ve been chasing for years, give Sand that toxic romance energy!

Top spent this whole episode in a precarious balance of trying to do right by Mew but pushing things too far, and he was always one sentence away from getting punched.

Atom son, you can’t say you weren’t warned or that Boston promised anything more. Boston’s “what the fuck?” was me too LMAO he just wanted to mind his own business doing photography research 😭

SANDNICK WERE EVERYTHING THIS EPISODE THO

I loved Nick coming in with “the logical conclusion is for us to have sex”

disappointment of my life that it didn’t click for them I WOULDN’T HAVE MINDED IF THEY WERE ENDGAME

smh at Ray crashing their roommate time tho THE MOST AWKWARD EXPERIENCE AHDJFJFJF

The SandRay convo in the river was the healthiest communication we have seen from any of these boys. Again we see the transformative effects of water 🙌

Also I was just so glad to hear Sand say so many things that needed to be said. That Ray could have gotten him arrested, that he treats Sand like a possession, that he needs to be nicer to Sand!

Mew falling asleep on his own couch is the realest sign of being Not Okay. I think he really needed some time with his parents, even if he couldn’t talk to them about what he was going through. Sometimes having an outsiders perspective that you’re not doing well can mean so much. I really think they were the catalyst for Mew sobering up. I’ll dig more into this later.

Honestly a relief that Top showed up at Mew’s to talk to him and not because he was stalking him and his moms. I can only deal with one stalker per episode thanks 😔🤚

Nick kissing two men in one ep YOU GO SON

The BostonNick bathroom scene was everything to me I need a separate post for this SHDKFJSJDBFBDBE I’M SO SAD MY FRIEND COULDN’T WITNESS THIS WITH ME WE’VE BEEN WAITING SINCE THE PILOT TRAILER 😭😭😭😭

I am begging Ray to go to therapy and to learn about ethical non-monogamy that man needs a counselor and two boyfriends

I don’t recognize the song that was playing during the SandRay sex scene but it definitely seemed like a brit rock song which is on brand and I appreciate

I’m so glad Sand didn’t do Ray’s social service for him oh my god THE BIGGEST RELIEF

I’m also glad Top decided not to show the video to Mew! So many good decisions this episode!! I hope he recognized that Mew has been through enough of that kind of drama and that there are better ways to learn about this kind of thing.

Also so glad MewRay talked things out and parted cleanly. Sometimes ppl really do gotta date a friend to figure out that it doesn’t work.

I appreciated the MewCheum convo a lot too.

Honestly this episode ended way more cleanly than I was expecting after part one. I think if Top had shown Mew that video, Mew really might have lost it and just killed someone.

BOEING!!!!!!

Next week’s preview looks so good!!!

[nerdyenby]

Blue time :D I’m watching H

Pregame

We love the confidence :))

H is hungover, this can only go well /lh

Dave 3v1!!!

Callum is MCC’s collective imaginary friend, real and true

H sounded like such an angry parent when he said Shane’s name lmao

Callum: “Hello team!!” Kara and Sausage: “Hello” Callum: “and- and others others” H and Pete: “that’s me!!” I love this pre-event practice amalgams of a group :)))

Callum telling Shane he can’t name two things Callum is better at than him and Shane just calling him handsome

This is so chaotic, I’m so happy right now you guys

Tubbo is such a menace

“I didn’t even know it was freaking March” “it’s May” “ITS MAY?!???” realest thing tubbo’s ever said lol

This call is such a mess /pos

TUBBO BANNED LMAO

Oh this team is gonna be so chill, I’m so ready

Eret being so confused about Krinios “winning” $1.5k

Ryan breaking their monitor with a controller 😭😭😭

Rocket Spleef

Them talking about how Jojo was on both the first all-women and all-spanish teams

“Who do is still need to collect?” “Collect?!? Like they’re trading cards” “They are trading cards to me” 😂😂😂

I could totally see H doing a TCG pack opening stream

“I don’t think, I just do” *immediately falls to the bottom of the map*

I agree with H saying RSR is a bad first game, it think belongs mid-event

“No one’s dead yet, I don’t like that” “I’ll be the first if you want” Ryan 😂

I actually love the compass idea so much

HOW did H die there??? Lmao

Eret movement game anti, as she should

That was a solid third round

Everyone being so happy for/proud of Ryan getting top ten :))

TGTTOSAWAF

Talking about the lack of game music “Alone with the demons in my mind” Ryan 😭

The Krinios puns are so bad /pos

“I’m gonna say it, I’m gonna say it” “Say what?” “I hate tgttos” the entire team: *surprised pikachu face*

I never wanted to hear “sexy chicken, baby” come out of Cub’s mouth, ever

Parkour Warrior

“God, I love that logo” based!!!

Philza made minecraft, real and true

Are you “I need music in my brain 24/7” adhd or “forgot music existed for two weeks once” adhd

The twitch rivals shade 😂😂😂

I too love the moving platforms but I also feel like I could cry if I was trying real hard and couldn’t get it

The absolute silence after “‘the edgy posts’ follow me on twitter” 😂

The “hi Cub… bye Cub” is sending me

“Don’t explode Ry- uh, Eret” “I’ll try not to” “I will, however, explode” Ryan 😂

“That’s my bad, guys” “What do you mean it’s your bad, it’s our bad, we both suck” Eret my beloved

Parkour Tag

Parkour tag my beloathed /aff

H did so good against lime!! He got all three in 35 seconds!!!

H’s comms are insane

I love how there’s not really a designated leader here, like H might be the default assumption but they’re really all equals in how they interact and communicate. It’s not a given that a certain person in is igl, they ask/say “ok I’m gonna take charge here” when applicable, I love them

Cub don’t know his lefts and rights /lh

17 SECONDS???? THEYRE INSANEEEEE

Cub’s jukes!!!

H getting onto Ryan for not carrying hard enough 😂

Grid Runners

I’ll say it every single time, grid runners is a freaking amazing game

Eret immediately crashing oh my lord

That was painful to watch 😬

“Sorry about that guys” “Nah, now we have fun” I love H, he’s not taking any of Eret’s apologies

Good comms :)))

Listen to Eret 😭😭😭

H misunderstanding the task and talking over everyone else, that’s my streamer /lh

Best grid runners in history lmao

NOT LAST!!! :D

Meltdown

I too would die for HBomb94, so true Ryan

Awww lime flanked

Yeah that was a solid play

Eret going through it, rip

That was such a good fight against orange

Ayyyy first place!!!!

H’s flank there was INSANE

The purple/Purpled distinction messed em up lol

One of the most fun meltdowns I’ve seen :))

Eret needs to stop beating herself up about not getting better at movement, doesn’t she have dyspraxia? They literally can’t help it

Survival Games

Ryan just wanting to sot with H :((

I was gonna say it’s impressive that they all got out of that alive and then bam

Rip

H hyping up sand keepers, as he should!!!!

Sot antis only take Ls

Sands of Time

H encouraging Walli <333

Ryan getting full on yelled at for saying they’re gonna offhand carpet 😂

I don’t like how quiet Eret’s being but I trust him

They’re all so attentive and on top of it :)))

THEYRE SO GOATED!!

“It’s the last game, Ryan, have a little fun” “okay” “Play a little risky, have fun” “okay” his freaking voice

“I trust you” “Youre good a minecraft, I believe in you boss” “really?” Ryan is peak 🥹 energy

They’re swimming in sand

RIP IT CUB!!!!

We’re having so much fun here

YOOOOOOOOOOOO

6KKKKKKKKKK

DUBFAN!!!!!!!!!!!

That felt so freaking good, I’m so happy man

Dodgebolt

They’re all so excited for red :))

People predicted blue low?? I placed them first lol

“I’ve never actually spoken to Wallibear, so I’m gonna say that I hope he’s a great guy”

The confusion over Capitan’s skin is killing me lol

“We english speakers SUCK” real

Hi Illumina :)))

H gently elbowing Cub into believing in himself lmao

Let’s all team with Illumina

They’re like kids fighting over the most popular toy

I would actually love to see a 5-player team event, it would be so fun and so scuffed if they just barely changed anything

Great vibes great times :)))

[lucybronzey]

Honestly, your take on models and their goddess complexes is the realest thing I’ve heard all week 🫣

I am just being realistic and honest and say from many experiences I have been and seen in my life. Majority (I repeat, MAJORITY, not all of them!) are like that

[outzenstevenson5]

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[a-forger-and-a-point-man]

my thoughts on *no time to die*

the spoiler-free stuff first:

cary fukunaga nailed this so hard that it hurts. it hurts in all the best ways. i have never ever felt so many things and appreciated so many characters and marveled and gasped at a bond film before. and i have seen ALL OF THEM multiple times. i’m a bond fan for sure, well beyond 00q, despite 00q being a kind of gateway drug! 

not a single moment of this film felt contrived or forced or cheesy or laughable. i couldn’t believe it. 2 hours 43 minutes. i kept waiting for the one scene when i’d roll my eyes. and that’s fine - that’s bond! every film has it’s UGH moment, yes even skyfall (the shower scene) - but NTTD was was the realest, most grounded, most impactful film out of the entire franchise. yet it remained entirely BONDIAN. the throwbacks, the one-liners, the way you root for james through the whole thing. have i ever rooted for james through an entire film? i don’t actually think i have, which is crazy right? yeah this time is DIFFERENT. 

this is the one that non-bond fans need to see - but at the same time, almost every moment has a wonderful, satisfying reference to a previous film that you can’t fully appreciate it and squee in delight unless you’re a proper 007 devotee. i am so glad i went to see this after years of watching bond films on a loop!

cary we are in awe of you and you are a master. you UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT and not only delivered, but you gave us freebies too!!! we are not worthy!!!

now for the spoiler-inclusive stuff:

**STOP READING HERE** if you haven’t seen it

FYI this isn’t articulate or coherent so good luck comrades

now keep in mind i’ve only seen NTTD once and i will have more nuanced thoughts down the line. i’ve waited so damn long for this film and IT MET AND EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS. i went in assuming there were going to be problems, because JAMES BOND, and i was ready to attack tbh, but I’M THE ONE THAT GOT ATTACKED WITH FEELINGS INSTEAD -shakes fist-

-the gun barrel opening: fabulous. classic. old-timey. and cary wanted to remind us that this is in fact a bond film that we’re about to see, even though 25 percent of it is OTHER CHARACTERS and SCENES WITHOUT BOND. the first thing we hear is the bond theme and it’s reassuring and satisfying. we’ve waited an extra 2 covid years for this. 

-the prologue/cold open: i forgot i was watching a bond film. HE’S NOT IN THE PROLOGUE? gasp! and yet it was perfection. it was riveting and fucking terrifying and i loved that we didn’t know the outcome exactly even though madeleine told this story to james on the train in spectre. it was just excellent filmmaking. 

-matera: gorgeous cinematography. were they actually married? i don’t think so. this seemed to be just a few weeks after james abandoned his squad (read: q) and ran off with the car and maddy. was it a honeymoon? where did they actually live? i have many questions. what was on the note that each of them burned (their secret?) - i didn’t catch the handwriting! 

-“we have all the time in the world” FUCK OFF HOW DARE YOU UTTER THOSE WORDS FIVE MINUTES INTO THE FILM FOR GOD’S SAKE WE HAVEN’T HAD THE OPENING TITLES YET HAVE YOU NO SHAME IN FORESHADOWING LIKE THIS????????? NO JAMES NO

-the age difference between bond/madeleine really showed in this. i’m all for age gaps, no discrimination here, it’s just that WITH THE PROPER DIRECTION (hi sam mendes! sorry not sorry sam mendes!) i finally believed they were a couple. cary took something NON-EXISTENT in spectre, which was their relationship, and... well... MADE IT INTO A RELATIONSHIP. there was chemistry!!! i couldn’t believe it. i was invested in them! the acting was on a different level. it’s like they had both matured. or... received better direction :) THANK YOU CARY FUKUNAGA you did the impossible. i ship them. i walked out shipping them, not 00q. i haven’t lost my love for 00q but do you know what it takes for me to ship bond with any woman? he’s toxic as fuck and he’s got the dick of death and i gotta protect all my ladies. but this bond was... a person drastically changed by circumstances in life. he was a broken, old, retired man in love. and i believed every minute of it. 

-vesper’s tomb. the SECOND the vesper theme started, a tear rolled down my face. it was far too early to cry in this damn movie but it got me so hard. “i miss you” - BYE. I AM DEAD. 

-how many explosions did bond survive in this film. legit tho. how does he have any hearing left. how is he not deaf. he has survived the most insane shit only to... surrender? submit? or is it sacrifice in the end? i wanna have a long discussion about this. someone who is avoiding spoilers but is worried about triggers asked me if there’s suicide in this, and i couldn’t answer yes or no. it’s very complex. it’s very subjective. 

-PRIMO! ok now that’s how you do a henchman!!! it wasn’t just the traditional “bond fights him in 2 or more countries and he barely speaks more than two words” - primo was a henchman who tracked bond from start to finish with exceptional finesse. he’s also smart, not just a hired assassin, as we see demonstrated in the scenes with obruchev. i wondered what his little physical quirk would be and i loved the whole cyclops thing. nicely done.

-i will take this moment to say that my partner (who is a visible minority) quickly pointed out that while it’s a diverse cast and things are progressing, the two main baddies are both north african arabs (rami + dali) which may not register with most folks, but ultimately, when minority groups see themselves up there on the big screen they wanna know they’re being included in the positive worldview narrative. 

-also on that topic: we really really have to get past every single bond villain having an accent. it’s really fucking TIRED. it’s xenophobic UNLESS you show us a MAIN character among the mi6 squad who has a thick accent. i mean since you’re saying it can go either way right?? well then show us accents are meaningless by spreading the accents around! rami and david both had to PUT ON an accent. ffs! you expect to scare me more when someone sounds FOREIGN? cary fukunaga can do better than that as a mixed-race person who speaks multiple languages. i think either he had no choice in the matter or he figured he’d continue a “bond tradition” because it’s one of the few he can get away with. well i’m not cool with it. 

-okay back to bond/madeleine. did anyone notice when he puts her on the train, she’s in the white button up dress and he’s in a tan suit???? SPECTRE THROWBACK HAYYYYYYY. that was effective. loved how the opening credits / theme song crept in. 

-the opening credits BEGAN WITH A CALLBACK TO DR. NO! i loooooved that. nicely done. and STILL it didn’t feel forced. i was absolutely invested in the seriousness of the story. i need to watch it again to take note of the details in the graphics... i did like the guns forming the DNA strands, and then the repeat images of bond/maddy instead of any other character. i now realize in hindsight that for the first time in bond history, the theme song is not about bond or the villain. it’s about madeleine. and for that to work we needed to believe in her and to believe in the relationship and i think that was a resounding success. 

-thank you robin roberts of good morning america for revealing that nomi is in fact 007 and spoiling that for so many of us. it was supposed to be a major plot point. i’m still mad. james making her call him “commander bond” tho - does he force all the kids to call him that? def makes q shout it in bed. 

-more felix/james in da club!! more of them bring bros not hoes. i was digging this so much.

-if you know state department dudes, you know that the billy magnussen casting was TOO PERFECT and james calling logan “book of mormon” made me lose it. that was hysterical. (well, until it wasn’t...) 

-PALOMA! ok listen it’s not normal for bond NOT to sleep with her. i can’t stress this enough. THAT WAS AWESOME. also, she’s super sexy and a major ass kicker but also a TOTAL DORK. the dorkiness is what made her relatable and endearing. i wonder if that was phoebe waller bridge’s doing. 

-moneypenny had hardly any screen time compared to previous films and that was a real shame. not fair. i wanted more of her gossiping with nomi at least. i do like that she wasn’t taking any shit in this movie though. her face was just DONE with everything in every scene. rightly so. 

-felix. i bawled my eyes out. i was audibly saying NO NO NO and choking on my sobs behind my triple-layered mask. i couldn’t bear it. that was really unexpected, and then the way he said LET ME GO. fuck. fuck it all. i couldn’t. 

-when james finally avenged him and said “i had a brother, his name was felix leiter” i just started crying again. even though a second earlier i thought, “wait what brother?? FRANZ OBERHAUSER?!” because i’m stupid like that. i thought he was avenging blofeld’s death lol. i do love that Q MADE FUN OF THE WHOLE STEP BROTHERS plot in spectre by referencing it when he examined bond hand for the nanobots. it was something like “well good thing you’re not actually related!” that was brilliant. i feel like cary might have written that one. 

-bond flew planes in this movie and it didn’t feel corny. in spectre i LAUGHED OUT LOUD at how silly it looked. it’s so strange how very bond this film was and yet... not. 

-never in my life did i imagine that when m dragged bond’s ass across his desk that i’d be ON BOND’S SIDE. i was literally telling everyone i really wanted a scene where m gives bond a proper scolding. screams at him. it’s usually so satisfying! but my how the tables turned this time around. m’s secret felt natural to me - he’s the head of mi6. lots of hidden shit goes on. even within a team people keep secrets from one another. that’s why that business is so fucked up. still, m should have resigned. i’ve been saying that since i saw the movie. remorse is not enough. i bet the PM asked him to resign later at the very least because of the diplomatic debacle in the pacific. m looked so defeated the entire film. 

-ok also i found it hilarious that the thing that made m the most angry was bond “working for the cia” lol. you can do anything but YOU CAN’T GO OVER TO THE AMERICANS. 

-i loved the edits in the london street scene. the cuts. very modern but never felt forced or out of place. 

-loved the portraits of the old Ms in the hallways at 6! i love throwbacks like that!!! makes me feel super cool for knowing the franchise reasonably well! 

-Q’S FLAT! THE APRON! THE JAPANESE CUISINE! THE MUSIC! WAITING FOR HIS MALE DATE! THE SPHYNX CAT! JAMES MAKING FUN OF THE CAT (he legit had a death wish) JAMES STAYING OVER AT Q’s! MONEYPENNY SETTING IT ALL UP! y’all did someone read ao3??? that’s not a joke, you don’t think scriptwriters from franchises prowl ao3? it’s fucking free and it’s TOP LEVEL SHIT. of course they’ll be like “and i’ll take that, and that, and that...” and i do appreciate also that ben tries to make sure his characters are presented as gay characters when he can. it’s even more important in the bond franchise. i love that we got a lot of q, and q in pajamas on the aircraft carrier!!! nomi  actually saying SORRY WE WOKE YOU and he’s like casually headed to the pacific in his pjs? honestly that’s just badass. of course when u think about how this all ended... it’s not like he could just climb back into bed in london. and on their final communication, he called bond “james” which he has NEVER DONE. hold me. i’m not fine. i will never be fine again. 

-christoph waltz gave a better performance in those two minutes onscreen than he did in all of spectre. that MUST BE the directing. everyone’s acting improved drastically. 

-safin in madeleine’s office. that was a better scene than when he was with bond for their shared couple of mins. it felt a lot more eerie. 

-safin did not terrify me as a character the way we were promised though. the heracles concept was very scary - yes - but i actually asked myself if “safin was really that bad”. now i know both cary and daniel had plans to make the villain walk a fine line so that their humanity isn’t entirely compromised - and that’s great storytelling - but i did start thinking “the difference between safin and m is really slight...” 

-the fact that mathilde biting him was the thing that made him go OH HELL NO I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR A BITEY BABY PEACE OUT was so damn funny. kids and cats can really best a villain. 

-the mathilde plot line was leaked briefly by the daily mail about a year ago but it was quashed quite quickly using a distraction. i forget what that was. i believed that she WASN’T bond’s daughter. i thought she was logan’s! then i thought she was safin’s! we were really taken on a ride there. but i think mathilde was written in to suggest that a) madeleine stayed true to james, b) james gets to leave a part of himself behind, because the common understanding is that that’s what most humans faced with death wish they did. not everyone agrees - i know a few people who hate this idea and think bond should go out in a blaze of glory for queen and country, not for love. but he wasn’t even on the books. there wasn’t going to be a plaque for him at mi6. the reason he gave up even trying to leave the island was because the only reason he had to live was madeleine and now he could never touch her again. the way he kept asking q if there was a way to remove it... omg it was so heartbreaking the way his voice broke... he was so desperate... and q didn’t understand at first... it hurt me so much because cary fukunaga made me buy the idea of bond x madeleine. how, i still don’t know. fucking miracle i tell you. 

-BOND MADE EGGS FOR MATHILDE. CRAIG!BOND MADE EGGS. WE FINALLY HAVE THE SCENE. this is canon to the power of 10. fleming and bond and their egg obsession. i smiled from ear to ear!! mathilde giving it a “not bad” was so funny. 

-hans zimmer: ok let’s be real he did recycle a lot of shit because it’s bond, and the bond theme was weaved in and out a lot. that’s very classic bond - it doesn’t happen anymore, not since connery, so i loved that. but then the entire third act was music from interstellar and pirates of the caribbean???? come on ya’ll someone must have heard this too. i laughed. i was like HANS. I THINK I EVEN HEAR GLADIATOR. the matera theme was largely “borrowed” from david arnold in casino royale. so maybe the only really original NEW music was the no time to die orchestration based on the billie eilish song. i loved it. it’s particularly beautiful on the track “home” which you can hear below:

look, i know i need to see it again. and i also know many bond purists were let down because bond was a STRAIGHT UP HERO in this. the guy was clean! honest! monogamous! totally in love like a puppy dog! even offered to save the world for... free! i loved him. me. and everyone knows i roll my eyes at bond nonstop! i thoroughly enjoyed it because i prefer to love the protagonist and cheer him on than feel conflicted. it is, after all, still a popcorn flick. so i’m going to give it a  9/10 because i felt like it catered to me and all the elements i love. 

if u made this far... holy shit, why are u reading my dumbass posts

(and thanks!) 

[glowingbadger]

The Sylvain and Dimitri arranged marriage stuff made me think of a claude version of it. Maybe an AU where Claude never came to fodlan and reader has to marry the prince/king of Almyra to improve countries relationships. Anyway seriously love your stuff thank you so much for the content!!

Oh hoo Anon, this is a wonderful take on the concept. Let's see what I can whip up for us~

((side note I feel like we never learn whether Almyra speaks a different language from Fodlan?? But being multi-lingual is sexy so idgaf))

((And also I used Bengali for Almyran because I have Bengali family and the language is so beautiful even though the english alphabet phonetic spellings are weird af))

Claude x Reader - Arranged Marriage

NSFW 18+ (like only towards the end tho idk)

Overall, you do what you can to stay out of the way. You'd been sent to Almyra as a symbol- a token, more than anything else. Now that you were in King Khalid's possession, very few throughout the castle paid you any particular mind. You were provided for, of course. Anything you cared to ask for was given. But you didn't speak a word of the Almyran language, and those who bothered to use what they knew of Fodlan's to communicate with you seemed to view you as a pet to be kept safe and healthy, and little else.

By week's end, there was to be a lavish banquet in honor of your union with the King- though of course, your input on the proceedings is entirely unwanted. In some ways, Almyra is quite similar to Fodlan. Court life is much the same. As you wander through the royal gardens, wondering at a range of colorful and exotic flowers you'd never heard of, let alone seen, a voice speaks smoothly behind you.

"Did you know you can actually eat the petals of this particular flower? They're very sweet."

You whirl around and nearly bump into King Khalid. You're about to stammer out an apology, but he reaches out and plucks a single white petal and holds it before your lips.

"Go on, I think you'll like it."

Whatever possesses you to eat a flower petal from this man's hand is something you'd rather leave unexamined for the time being- but he is right about the flavor. It's sweet, but not overly so, and quite pleasant.

"Hm! Yeah, it's nice," you say, then glance up at him as another thought occurs to you that you'd considered once or twice before, "You speak the language of Fodlan very well, my Lord."

"I'm flattered," he says with a disarmingly handsome smile, "and please, just Khalid. I don't think I could bear to have my own wife stand on such formality with me."

He says it so naturally, as if you'd been planning this union for years. Though, once again, he's right. This is only perhaps the dozenth time you've exchanged words, but you are wed, and you ought to get used to addressing him as your husband.

"Khalid..." you say tentatively, "Did- did you need something from me? I hope I wasn't too much trouble to find."

"Not when you find such pleasant places to hide," he replies, still wearing that easy smile, "but to be honest, I was actually hoping you'd accompany me for the day. I can finally afford to take a bit of time away from the castle, and I think you and I both would appreciate some space to breathe. What do you say?"

Correct once again. You nod, and take the arm he offers you. As he leads you out from the gardens, he points out a few more plants native to your new homeland. They're incredibly varied, each more strange and vibrant than the last. All the while, he's somehow made you feel as though you're chatting with an old friend. You leave the gardens and wander towards the area you vaguely recall to be designated for horse stables and wyvern stalls.

From there, a few things happen in sequence. Khalid asks if you're afraid of flying. He asks if you trust him to hold on to you. He helps you up onto the saddle that seems impossibly high up on its own right, and then, you're propelled into the air with a force your body has never felt before. You tense and shrink back against his chest, clinging to whatever part of the saddle you can find purchase on for dear life. Up here, it's difficult to pick up, but you feel your husband laugh behind you, then his strong arm wrap around your waist.

"Relax, I won't let anything happen to you," he says against your ear, his voice sure and steady, "I've got you."

And it takes a few miles of flying and a lot of Khalid distracting you by pointing out different buildings and shops along the streets below, but eventually, you do manage to relax- at least a little.

The castle town is positively buzzing with activity. Even from your distance in the sky above, you can see clusters of people moving around each other like fish up stream, and even hear the faint echoes of a merchant advertising goods.

"It doesn't seem at all like the Almyra we're taught about in Fodlan."

"Oh, it is," Khalid assures you with a bemused chuckle, "But it's also much more. I imagine it's the same for your people. There's a lot we can learn from one another, I think."

By the time the sun is high in the sky, you've passed the most densely settled part of town and are gliding over farmland and the occasional pocket of forest and rivers that split and cross through the earth like veins. Though, the warmer climate of Almyra will still take some getting used to, and it seems your husband considers this.

"Let's land for a bit and find some shade,"

You nod, and he directs his wyvern to begin a slow descent.

The King had thought of everything for this little day-trip, it seemed. Having evidently packed everything you'd need in the saddlebags on his steed, you now recline beside him on a plush blanket in a clearing amidst the trees. A small brook bubbles down from stone to stone in small waterfalls beside you, and the air feels positively alive with birdsong and rustling leaves, all foreign to you and all part of your new home. And so is he, you think as you glance over at the handsome figure of your husband beside you.

You'd been sitting in a comfortable quiet, munching on a couple of very dense pastries which Khalid had told you incorporated an extract of the flower you'd sampled earlier. He gives a satisfied sigh as he finishes his first and lies back on the blanket, taking in and savoring a deep breath. As you finish the last bites of your own treat, you reflect on the day thus far. You'd learned much about the locals and their daily lives by observation and Khalid's description in such a short time, and he'd even taught you a hand full of basic words and phrases in Almyran.

"Uhm, Khalid?"

He opens one eye and gives you a sideways glance.

"It was... dhonnobad, right? Thank you?"

His smile his open and warm, his eyes practically shimmering in the reflected sunlight from the nearby brook.

"Well, we'll have to work on your pronunciation, but I'm impressed you remembered," he beckons you down onto the blanket beside him, and you follow, lying on your side as he turns towards you. You're closer than you'd anticipated, even given the limited realestate of the blanket, and you internally scold yourself for being shy about something so silly- like some naive adolescent.

"Let's try a couple more words, since you've been such a diligent student."

"Okay," you say with a smile, "try me, I'll do my best."

"Hmm..." he looks around your private clearing, then gestures towards the brook and says, "Jala"

"Jala," you repeat slowly. He nods,

"Right- that's 'water'. And, uhm..." he points toward a patch of wildflowers at the edge of the brook, "Phula. That's 'flower'."

Again, you repeat as best you can, and though you know your pronunciation must be off, he's encouraging nonetheless. Then, he leans in towards you, and brings his free hand to your cheek, his fingertips brushing your skin lightly.

"Now try sundara."

"... Sundara?" you make an attempt, and you're sure you got something about that 's' sound mixed up, but Khalid just gives you a slanted smile. He doesn't clarify at first, so you ask, "What does that one mean?"

His fingers slowly weave back into your hair, and his voice is low and soothing as he replies,

"That means 'beautiful'."

Your face warms immediately, but you hardly have a moment to feel bashful about it before he presses his lips to yours, kissing you slow and deep. His movements are effortlessly sensual, pulling you towards him and sending your pulse pounding through your veins. You part your lips to him almost instinctively, and the way he uses his tongue is sparing, but oh-so effective. When he finally pulls away, your head is spinning and it's all you can do to meet his gaze.

"So... that's how they kiss in Almyra." you say, barely above a whisper. Khalid smirks and turns you onto your back, sliding an arm around your waist.

"Oh, no- there's no tradition in this, only skill."

Goddess- if they'd warned you of the King's supernatural charms, you wouldn't have believed them. But now his lips are on yours once again, and he's holding your body to his, and you can't think of anything else. Your arms drape across his shoulders, and faster than you can track, your bodies have met in a tangled, impassioned embrace. It was hard to imagine that mere kissing could feel so erotic, but something about his pace, about how his lips and hands move in tandem, about how thorough he is in exploring you, makes you feel like it would be only natural to give yourself over to him completely.

His kiss travels along your jawline up to the shell of your ear, where he nips briefly, then murmurs,

"I was hoping to apologize for how little time we've had to get to know each other before today," you bite at your bottom lip as his hand slides down to the curve of your hip, "if that would be pleasing to you, my dearest wife."

"Ye- yes..." you sigh into the open air as his lips reach your neck. The single word is all either of you need. He never stops pressing lavish kisses to your lips and neck as he pulls your clothing out of his way. By the time he's satisfied, your clothes are draped off your arms and pooling around you on the blanket- and he doesn't seem to care to remove them entirely. He has a goal in mind.

Slowly, painstakingly, he makes his way down your body. You feel him everywhere- hands tracing and memorizing your frame, breath hot across your skin as his lips spoil you with adoring kisses. Soon enough, he's kissed his way to your lower stomach, and he urges your thighs apart beneath him. You suppress the instinctive wave of embarrassment at being exposed to him for the first time- he is your husband and your King, afterall- but then, his head dips down towards your plump lower lips, and your mind goes white.

"Khalid-!" you gasp out as his tongue trails coyly up the crease of your folds. He hums contentedly, and places a disarmingly chaste kiss to the soft skin. Then, his thumbs gently spread you open for him, and your entire body burns while he takes a moment to merely admire you- your pretty little hole already wet, your clit already hard and flushed dark. When his head lowers once more, his green eyes meet yours steadily, as though to promise without words to be good to you.

And in a moment, his mouth begins to gently tease your clit, and your head tilts back on the blanket. Your hips jerk just a bit with each pass of his tongue across the sensitive bundle, and occasionally you can't hold in a gasp or whimper of pleasure. This only encourages him, of course. The more you moan and sigh, the more dedicated he becomes to your body. He presses himself more firmly to you, his lips surrounding your clit and the surrounding tender flesh, and he suckles on you, licks you, kisses you. You don't know when it happened, but your hands are at the back of his head, fists tangled in thick brown hair as he diligently works.

The unbearable tension is winding tight and anxious in your lower body- you know he'll drive you to climax before long, and the mere thought feels like falling in love. And then Khalid moves lower, and his tongue dips inside of your entrance. You gasp and unwittingly tug on his hair- but he certainly doesn't seem to mind. With a lustful groan, he presses more firmly to you, truly buried against your body as his dexterous tongue curls upward, stroking the vulnerable spot behind the nerves of your clit.

"Khalid!" this time it's nearly a scream, and you're grateful that your voice is lost in the surrounding foliage. Your thighs begin to shake, and your hands release him to instead clutch the blanket behind you. And at last, with a whimper in a voice you hardly recognize, your lower body floods with soaked warmth as your orgasm sweeps through you. Panting, twitching, you moan out for your husband over and over, until finally, the wave begins to subside, and Khalid pulls away to position himself above you on all fours.

"That's a nice expression..." he says with a grin, directing you to look at him with a hand at your chin, "I hope I'll get to see it often."

When your eyes finally refocus, you look up at him somewhat apologetically,

"I should... attend to you."

He laughs and kisses your forehead,

"There will be time for that tonight, don't you think? Once we're a bit more... put together," he says with a glance at your bare form, "we should head back to our ride. I'll bring you back to the castle, and we'll get the cooks to prepare something very 'Almyran' for you."

You nod- it probably wouldn't do for the first time with your Lord Husband to be mid-day in the woods. Though he'd certainly failed to make it seem unappealing.

"And then," he goes on, bringing a finger to trace the curve of your bottom lip, "Well, maybe we'll excuse ourselves to our bedchamber a bit early this evening, and we can continue this little... cultural exchange."

[joezworld]

Toby - Rap God

Guys I was making myself laugh when I wrote this - I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. 

Based entirely on one line from this.

2019

There are many engines on the Island of Sodor, and like many people, music is often part of their lives.

Some engines, like Percy and Duck, have no interest in the subject, having never been exposed to it in a real manner.

Others, like Gordon and Henry, have extremely well-defined music tastes. (Unfortunately for those around them, they do not like the same music, and arguments often ensue.)

James, being extremely vain, enjoys the songs written about him for the children's television show based on the writings of The Thin Clergyman.

And then there’s Toby...

-----------

Toby is a small brown steam tram. He has spent almost all of his life on Sodor on Thomas' branch line, where he and his coach Henrietta trundle up and down the valley at the top of the line - providing a valuable commuter service from the branch line terminus to the stone mines at Anopha.

Toby likes music, as does Henrietta; they like it so much that in 1989 the workmen installed a radio in Henrietta so that the two could listen to music on it as they worked.

This was very thoughtful gift, but there was a small problem:

The hills outside of the quarry meant that many radio stations couldn't reach the small antenna on Henrietta's roof.

Fortunately, a few did, mostly overpowered stations on the Isle of Man. These stations were designed to reach boats far out at sea, and mainly played uninteresting things like the Shipping Forecast.

There was, however, one station that did come come through loud and clear no matter where you were...

---

You're listening to ManxPirate - the Barely-Seaworthy voice of the Sudrian Sea. I’m your sea-going Deejay - or Sea-Jay - Musik Mike! Up next is our most popular block of the day - that’s right, the JAMS are LOUD and we're all gonna get DEF!

"Oh Henrietta! It's starting!"

"Just be ready on the choruses Toby"

------------------

The sounds of music echoed off of the Els river valley as Toby and Henrietta trundled towards Elsbridge.

Aside from their Quarry duties, Toby and Henrietta also worked 'the school bus', a daily train that carried schoolchildren from the remote farmhouses between Elsbridge and Hackenbeck to the Saint Pedroc's school in Elsbridge.

Toby loved this route - many of the children had been taking 'the bus' since Grade 1, and he felt privileged to have seen them grow up into fine young adults.

-

As he pulled into the platform at Elsbridge station, he saw those young adults crowded around each other.

'"Peep Peep! Let's go, everyone!" he called to the teens.

"Just a minute Tobes!" Called back Sera, one of the teenagers, before she turned back to her friends, who were filming her with their 'smart-phones'.

"Whatever could they be doing?" He asked Henrietta as Sera and her friend Phoebe bounced up and down in unison while waving their arms around.

"Undoubtedly something for the internet," the coach mused. "But I have no idea what - trends change so fast now".

"Internet?" Toby was puzzled. "Don't they need a computer for that?"

"Toby. Smartphones have been around for over ten years. How do you not know about this?"

"I'm sorry that I'm not as technologically advanced as you - but at least I know what steam is!"

"Oh my goodness, it's also a video game company now. You've heard those jokes before!"

Toby and Henrietta likely would have gone on like that until the guard blew his whistle, but Phoebe broke away from the group of teens, her phone in her hand.

"Toby?" She asked, clearly trying not laugh. "Do you know what Vossi Bop is?"

Toby was taken aback. "Of course I do. Vossi Bop isn't my favourite, but that's just because I don't like Stormzy that much - I'm not one for Grime."

Phoebe blinked like she'd been poleaxed. "What?"

"It's a Stormzy song, isn't it?"

"Toby," Henrietta sighed. "She was asking because she thought you didn't know. Was this going to be some kind of thing where you show rap music to the elderly and laugh at them being shocked?" She asked Phoebe, who nodded slowly.

"Well, you're going to have to better than that young lady," The coach smirked. "We've been listening to ManxPirate since before you were born!"

"Really?" The blonde asked slowly.

"Oh yes!" Henrietta boasted. "Eazy-E was still alive when we first tuned in!"

"Oh, em, gee!" The girl said, before turning and shouting down the platform. "Guys! They do know!"

-

The excited teenagers crowded around Toby and Henrietta as they quizzed the tram on rap music. Any thought of leaving on time was totally forgotten about as Toby's extensive knowledge of gangsta rap was laid out for them.

"Mate, mate," said John, one of the boys. "You gotta do The Challenge if you know all this!"

"What challenge?" Toby asked.

The teens clamored over each other, before they all stopped to let someone speak intelligibly.

Rachel Kyndley eventually spoke up: "It's a thing that ManxPirate is doing on TikTok. You sing along to a rap song and whoever does it the best gets to record a charity single with Stormzy!"

The teens again spoke over each other, all claiming that Toby and Henrietta should sing for the challenge.

Toby had to blow his whistle to calm them down. "I suppose there's nothing to lose by it," He said after a moment. "But I should say that my flow isn’t that good."

"Mate, I am amazed that you know what that means,” Said John. “But you just need to sing along to somethin’ that’s already out there.” 

“Oh.” Toby looked back at Henrietta. “Well that shouldn’t be too hard. Do you have any N.W.A we could sing along to?”

As he had the only ‘eye-phone pro’, Simon the student newspaper editor was volunteered as cameraperson, while Rachel set a small ‘blue tooth speaker’ on Toby’s bufferbeam so that he could hear the music.  

The remaining teenagers pulled out their phones as well - whatever happened next was going to be un-fucking-believable. 

-

The music began with record scratching. The kids looked at each other in shock. There was no way that Rachel had picked this.

"Right about now NWA court is in full effect” Henrietta sang.

Rachel had. The teens could barely contain themselves. 

“Judge Dre presiding in the case of NWA versus the police department.

Prosecuting attourneys are MC Ren, Ice Cube and Eazy motherfuckin' E”

Hearing Henrietta say ‘fuck’, was an astonishing experience for the unprepared teenagers.

“Order, order, order, Ice Cube take the motherfuckin' stand

Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth

And nothin' but the truth so help your black ass?”

“You goddamn right” Toby responded. Rachel Kyndley barely could hold back a shout of astonishment. I hope there’s no book written about this! She thought.

“Well, won't you tell everybody what the fuck you gotta say?"

Then there was a record scratching sound. 

The teens knew what came next. They hoped that they were prepared to hear this song come out of Toby.

"Fuck the police comin' straight from the underground!" 

Toby and Henrietta not only sang this lyric, they sang it in harmony. 

The teenagers thought that they had been prepared. 

They were not prepared. 

Most of the next few verses were lost underneath the clamor of twelve teenagers losing their goddamn minds.

--------------------

A few days later

Toby was resting in his shed when a little car came tearing into the station parking lot. More girls than should have been possible to fit in it came tumbling out and made a beeline for his shed, Rachel Kyndley in the lead. 

“Toby! Toby! Toby! You won! You won!” She shouted as she skidded over the gravel. 

“Won what?”

“The Contest!” She shrieked. “Your video went viral and you won The Contest! Stormzy said on Instagram that he was excited to meet you!” 

She and her friends dissolved into happy squealing, preventing any further speech. 

“What’s Instagram?” Toby asked Henrietta. 

--------------------------

The Next Week

Stephen Hatt was enjoying his tea and tolerating his toast and marmalade, when his son Richard burst into his office, waving his phone around like a sword. 

“Were you just not going to tell me that you let Stormzy visit the engines? Or was I just supposed to figure this out when Kieran and Micah tore my ear off for not letting them meet him?!”

“I have a phone, you know. And a receptionist.” Stephen said as he cleaned tea off of his desk. Fortunately, most of it had gone onto the marmalade covered toast, which he unceremoniously dumped into the trash. “And who have I let meet the engines?”

“Stormzy? The rapper? He headlined at Glastonbury last bloody month?”

“I don’t follow.”

“He’s a musician, and you let him record an album with Toby!”

“He recorded music? With Toby? Our Toby?”

“Yes! It was supposed to be a single, but now it’s an album! It hit number one! And it’s been out for three hours!”

“You’re saying this as if I have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

“Just read the article!” Richard shoved the phone into his hand. The website for  BBC Sodor and Man was open. 

-

STORMZY DROPS SURPRISE ALBUM WITH SURPRISE COSTARS

ELSBRIDGE - Music fans across the world were surprised this morning when Stormzy unexpectedly announced via Instagram the release of his newest album, Back in Their Day - featuring two of the realest OGs I’ve ever seen.

Residents of Sodor were especially surprised to discover who those “two real OGs” were: Toby and Henrietta, an engine and coach on the Ffarquhar Branch Line. 

This unexpected collaboration began several weeks ago when a viral video on TikTok featuring the pair attracted the attention of the rapper...

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Stephen skimmed the rest of the article, not quite believing what he was reading. “I didn’t authorize any of this.” He said at last. 

“Really?” Richard said, not quite believing him. “Because that’s what the staff on the Branch told me too.”

“I swear to you I didn’t do anything.”

“Then what, did the biggest star in the country just go to Ffarquhar and record an album with Toby? With nobody’s permission?”

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[TWO YEARS LATER]

--CHANNEL 4 INTERNAL TRANSCRIPT: THE LAST LEG 2021 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL--

ADAM HILLS - So we’ve had a lot of questions, about, the last album you dropped-

[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]

AH - The one with the train engine -  I think his name is Toby?

STORMZY - And Henrietta. Can’t forget her. 

AH - Of course not.

S - What do you wanna know?

[MORE LAUGHTER]

AH - Well, I don’t have any questions - and when I say we, I don’t mean Alex or our viewers - 

[PROLONGED LAUGHTER]

AH - I mean Josh.

JOSH WIDDICOMBE - [TO ADAM] You’re an Arse. [To STORMZY] - Um, I just wanted to know how you did it really. Is it, is it true that you snuck in and did it all in one night?

S - Oh yeah! Absolutely. ‘Cause, I thought that it was gonna be a one and done, like just a single y’know? So I just went there and was gonna do it and go. But as we kept talkin’ I realized that, that, I just had to make more, and then it became the album and we shot a music video for ‘scrapp’ on the same night and then I did some sound work  and then it went up. 

AH - Just like that?

S - Just like that.

[bane-lightwoodfam]

Cordelia, Lucie, and the soul-crushing pain of a FriendBreakup(TM)

Breaking from my Malec-centric content for a sec to talk about the ladies of Chain of Iron because, of all the many broken hearts to come out of Chain of Iron, I wanted to SadRant for a sec about Lucie and Cordelia’s particular parting. 

These heroines have such different journeys throughout the series so far, but especially in CoI. Their interactions slowly peter out in the second book, and it hurtsss.

Lucie’s is a journey to understanding her Ghost powers, obviously. Particularly in relation to Jesse and how to un-ghost-ify him. This involves a growing relationship between her and Jesse (and by extension; Grace) and a growing distance between Lucie and essentially everyone else. Particularly between her and Cordelia. This girl is exhausted by the lies, half-truths, and sneaking around, and might not feel half so weary if she were able to confide in her parabatai-to-be. But she can’t. Which is just. So fuckin’ sad. But at least she can sort of confide in Grace.  Meanwhile, Cordelia’s dealing with fraught loyalties between her brother and her husband’s best friends. She’s coming to terms with the discovery that a father she’d once respected and sought justice for is actually a belligerent drunk who’d stolen her brother’s childhood and neglected their family for years. She’s entering into a (perceivably) loveless marriage with the boy she has (perceivably) unrequited feelings for and moving out of her home and away from her family to do so. Followed shortly thereafter by her father’s sudden reappearance and subsequent violent murder. She’s operating under a suffocating sense of ineptitude and failure at the hands of Lilith as well as a broken heart all on top of a crushing new distance between herself and her parabatai-to-be. (Which?! Holy shit?! I don’t know about anyone else, but never in my life would I be able to handle even one of these things without the support and love of at least one of my closest friends.)(I was so fucking stoked when Matthew swept her away for Platonic Paris Extravaganza. I just hope Cordelia actually gets to enjoy herself, because holy fuck does she deserve a little fun.)  All of which leads to page 589--one of the realest, blink-and-you-miss-it soul-crushing moments of the trilogy yet, in my opinion;

“It seems [Lucie and Grace] know each other rather well.”

“They do?” The surprise in Cordelia’s eyes was clear. She glanced away quickly, though. “Never mind, Anna. It’s not important.”

I THINK THE FUCK IT IS.

I don’t know how many of us are twenty-somethings who remembers exactly what it feels like to be a third-wheel to one of your best, most deeply beloved friends (esp as a teenager)...but damn, I sure do. That’s a mindplague unmatched by any breakup; it’s a completely different kind of hurt and betrayal.

But Cordelia swallows it down. Because Lucie’s the sole person who could’ve brought her comfort in that moment.

None of this is to say I didn’t enjoy Lucie’s journey or her arc so far. And none of this is to say I don’t want to see more of Grace in the next book, because I definitely fucking do--especially in relation to her burgeoning friendship with Lucie. (I loved their prickly 'are we friends or are we just kinda forced to trust each other’ thing. I love their mutual love for Jesse. I want their friendship to develop and evolve, because I think Grace, in particular, desperately needs girl friends. She has a lot to atone for, but I think she has such incredible potential as a Ride or Die friend.) 

But I also desperately want Cordelia to be re-embraced into Lucie’s confidence. I need Lucie and Cordelia to have the most epic makeups of any reunion we’ve seen yet; I’m talking week-long sleepover brimming with gossip and jokes and cake and heart-to-hearts. I need Lucie to become the trio’s fiery lynchpin. Because let’s be honest, James and the Gracelet are going to complicate things between Grace and Cordelia, and only Lucie knows the side of Grace that is as ruthlessly devoted to her brother as Cordelia is to hers. (Not to mention the fact that Grace would flourish under Cordelia’s mom-friend vibes. Imagine the chemistry between quicksilver, ruthless Grace and snarky-sweet Daisy. That’s a slytherin/hufflepuff ‘I would die and/or murder for you’ pairing if I’ve ever fucking seen one.) Mostly I just need Cordelia’s dreams to come true; for her to wield Cortana again, for her to become Lucie’s parabatai, and for her to be loved (which let’s be real she totally already is but we all know who she'd like to officially call “hubby”.) 

In conclusion, I love the Merry Thieves. They’re cute and fun. But as a girl who DEEPLY FUCKING TREASURES EVERY LAST ONE OF HER GIRL FRIENDS and DEEPLY FELT CORDELIA’S HOPELESS “I can’t be Lucie’s parabatai” confession, I so badly need that good good Cordelia/Lucie content and Cordelia/Lucie/Grace trio in the final book. 

[oureuphoria]

Liars, Humans and Werewolves, Oh My.

Synopsis: Your father (a werewolf) and your mother (a werewolf) were concerned about your friend-making skills so they made deal with Jungkook to befriend you (a human). He knew he shouldn’t have agreed, he knew from the moment he spoke with you that it would blow up in his face but he genuinely believed what you didn’t know couldn’t hurt you. It was a friendship founded on lies but to Jungkook it was the realest thing he knew.  or “I don’t study fictional characters for fake friends, Y/N.”

Genre: fluff, angst, crack

Pairing: werewolf!jungkook X  human!reader

Word count: 7.9K

Warnings: I don’t think there is any but lemme know if I’m wrong.

Note: Hiiiii!! Okay, so this oneshot was long overdue I am so sorry but I hope you enjoy. I’m not American and I’m not a werewolf so if any information is inaccurate I sincerely apologise. I proofread but there's a chance there might be some mistakes because I am a fool. 

 You approached your father as he was loading the car. “Why do we have to go?” You whined while also sluggishly lugging extremely large bags into the car to help him. “It’s a learning experience Y/N. Stop whining.” Your face fell at your his stern exclamation but the second he turned around you stuck your tongue out at him. “I just don’t understand the fundamentals of going to New York for 2-weeks just for a stupid party where you, mom and Miri have loads of fun while Henry and I suffer.” He ignored you as he closed the trunk and told you to get in. You were not making the car ride easy and your dad had to threaten to leave you on the side of the road to get you to stop complaining.  

You were fully aware that werewolves were often stigmatised and misunderstood but you couldn’t help but panic a little when you were stuck in a room full of them. Sure, your fear was foolish since both humans and werewolves had been at peace for centuries but for some unrecognisable reason, all knowledge of the peaceful history left your mind the moment you entered the huge hall. Your dad was a human but turned before your mom gave birth to your eldest sister, Miri. She came out a werewolf, you and your younger brother Henry, however, didn’t. Although your sister was considered a full-blooded werewolf (and thanks to your mother an extremely prestigious werewolf at that), you and Henry were outcasts. It was uncommon for human-turned-werewolves to reproduce humans ‘lacking the wolf gene’ and being dragged to this party with your family just reminded you of the fact that you were in retrospect, a failure. At least you had your 14-year-old failure of a brother by your side. 

While everyone coexisted in tranquillity, it was unorthodox for a human to know about werewolves unless they were a werewolf’s mate or in your rare case, a failed human child of two werewolves. You were sure you could never be any werewolf’s soulmate or anyone's soulmate for that matter, your heart was sworn to Netflix and 50 cats. The unorthodoxy of your situation meant that there was always an impenetrable tension between you and werewolves, one that made you extremely uncomfortable. 

Despite all the weird stares and snarls that were hurled your way, your dad was optimistic. He always thought that being a human was great and that these parties were just simply learning curves that you needed to get past. “Henry, if you eat one more cupcake you’ll turn into one. Slow down!” He mocked you before shoving the other half of the cupcake in his mouth. You rolled your eyes and walked away to find him a napkin before you were kidnapped by your father. “Dad, what-“ “Y/N, say hi to the Jeons.” You didn’t really remember the Jeon family that much. All you knew was that your father and Jeon Songwook used to be super close. You also knew that when Songwook later married his beautiful wife, he had 2 children. Junghyun and Jungkook. Junghyun was the eldest and graduated with your sister, he was standing there clad in an expensive suit next to his girlfriend who’d you’d met at the last extravagant party. Jungkook was standing there also clad in an expensive suit with his eyes trained on your sister. You mustered the best smile you could though you were sick and tired of being the family’s pity show and tell story. 

“Y/N, I’ve heard a lot about you, you’re the same age as Jungkook right?” You nodded subtly, unsure where this conversation was going. “I heard you got a perfect score on your SAT.” You saw Jungkook’s face morph into one of anger in the corner of your eye. “Dad-“ Before Jungkook could finish his father put his hand on your shoulder. “Walk with me, Y/N?” You looked at your father for help but he just shrugged. Your mother mouthing ‘don’t fuck this up’ at you as you walked past her. “Jungkook, he’s very athletically talented but he’s not the most academically inclined. He got into Princeton but purely on sports and I’m concerned that if he doesn’t get his grades up, he won’t have a back-up plan.” You nodded understandingly, he seemed like a genuinely nice man from what you could tell so you listened to him. 

“What are you asking me to do, sir?” He chuckled at your worried eyes. “Just call me, Songwook, Songy if you want, that’s what your dad calls me.” You let out a small laugh, fighting back the urge to yawn. “I know that you’re going to Princeton too and I also know you’re taking a class in photography. Your dad showed me a couple of your photos, they really are beautiful.” Before you could even begin to thank him he continued. “My son is majoring in corporate law, like you, and I just thought it might be easier for him to start off if he had the support of someone as intelligent as you.” “Sir, I’m really not that smart-” He cut you off with a wave of his hand. “Nonsense, every parent in this room wishes they had a child as smart as you.” You laughed a little harder than last time. You wished that was true but you knew it was quite the opposite. Everyone here was just glad they weren’t raising two humans. 

“So, do you want me to tutor him?” He nodded with a smile and you smiled back half-heartedly. You were already on bad terms with the werewolf society and now you were about to get on the bad side of the human one. Jungkook went to your high school but it was big and you never really talked to him. He was popular, naturally, and the attention that he generated was mostly from girls, also naturally. He was seen as untouchable though, he was nice, polite and a true charmer but he never stayed with a girl long enough to call her his. It felt weird to call him a fuck boy because he didn’t fit the image. He wasn’t reckless or cruel and he wasn’t a complete boneheaded idiot with a lack of morals. He was admirable, truly and from what you had known there was not a single person who hated him. You had a theory that he was emotionally unavailable because he was waiting for his mate but you never spent too long on it, you never really cared enough to.

Songwook walked you back to the cluster that was your merged families and once your family was alone you were bombarded with questions from your parents. “What did he say to you?” You gave them a pointed look to which they gave you a playful slap on the arm. “Hurry!” You took a deep breath creating suspense before ruining all their hopes in one sentence. “He just wanted me to tutor his son.” Your dad elbowed you slightly before letting out a long sigh. “We were worried he was going to ask you to marry Jungkook or something.” You started laughing uncontrollably before stopping abruptly. “What’s Miri doing with him, she knows he’s just into one night stands.” Your father shrugged before your mother interfered. “We warned her but your sister is old enough to make her own decisions.” You scoffed before turning to face them with crossed arms. “So, she can have sex with a guy that you know is going to leave after but I can’t buy a Nintendo Switch? She’s only 2 years and 7 months older than me!” Your parents just blinked at your outburst before they floated away to go impress another family.  

You went to find Henry but he was nowhere to be seen and you literally searched everywhere. He was probably hiding in the men’s room on his phone watching Netflix but you couldn’t just go in there. You saw Jungkook leaning against a wall on his phone so you approached him without really thinking about what you were going to say. “Jungkook!” He looked up from his phone and gave you a tired smile. “This might be a little weird but do you think you can go into the men’s bathroom to see if my brother is in there?” He looked at you with widened eyes, he nodded slowly before making his way to the bathroom, you trailing behind him, he turned around and scratched his neck sheepishly. “Uh…what’s his name again? Sorry, I forgot.” You let out a laugh that you were trying to suppress before letting him know that his name was Henry. 

Once Jungkook made it out, your brother next to him, you gave him a huge beaming smile. “Thank you!” He just nodded in return before making his way off to the bar. “Oh shit, you have a crush on Jungkook!” You turned around to look at your brother with a face of confusion. “What?” You gave him a good slap on the back of the head but he was undeterred. “You totally find him cute.” You rolled your eyes before putting your arm around his shoulder. “Everyone finds him cute. Now, I think I found a way to convince mom and dad to let us buy a Nintendo Switch.” 

You had spent hours with Henry, even though he was 14, you were closer to him then you’d ever be to Miri. That wasn’t her fault though, it just turned out that way. “So, are you going to buy the new Resident Evil game?” You already knew where this was going. “Yeah, so that you can play the entire game before me.” He groaned at your stubbornness, refusing to let that one incident go. “How many times must I say I am sorry?” He was swinging your arm back and forth while exclaiming dramatically. Eventually, though, your parents came back and let you know it was time to go back to the hotel. 

You were moving to New Jersey in 3 days and Henry did not like that. “Take me with you, I can fit inside your luggage if you make a little room.” Henry had been attached to your hip ever since this week had started. “I told you, I’ll kidnap you after I leave so it doesn’t seem suspicious.” He laughed, flopping down on the couch next to you. “I’m going to miss you. I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive as the only person of culture in this household” You furrowed your eyebrows at him. “Dad’s okay sometimes.” He gave you an all-knowing look and you sighed. “Okay so you’ll have to be the only person of culture for a bit but I’ll be back before you know it.”  

Jungkook had avoided you the first week there. Whenever you tried to approach him he’d pretend he was busy or blatantly ignore you. You called your dad for help and he just said he’d talk to Songwook about it but it had been 2 days and he still made you feel like a plague-infested rat. You were in the library, reading over your schedule and trying to make sense of it. You were horribly bored but there was nothing better to do so you sat there and played games on your phone.

“You’re a snitch.” The voice scared you so much you threw your phone and lost at the game. “And you made me lose a chance at beating my high score!” You picked up your phone and looked up to be met with an angry Jungkook. “Yikes, who hurt you?” You went back to your phone but he snatched it out of your hand. “I don’t need your help.” You put your arms up to ‘surrender’ though you had no idea why he was so angry. “I didn’t know, your dad-” “My dad doesn’t care about my grades, just my reputation. You’d know all about damaging your parent's reputation though so no wonder he asked you.” You gulped, that was unexpected. “Gee, thanks.” You packed up whatever you had out on the table as quickly as you could and left. “Fuck…Y/N wait I didn’t mean that!” You heard him yell after you but you didn’t care, this was the one place where you thought you could escape it but your image followed you everywhere as long as a werewolf was there. 

You rented an apartment alone, not wanting to deal with the havoc of dormitories or live with your sister and her chaos. You had saved up enough to maintain yourself for a while, doing small jobs at your dad's law firm sure helped but now you needed a real job. You weren’t too stressed about finding a job yet because you had some time and you were a master procrastinator. What really stressed you out was college. If anyone found out about your ‘background’ everyone would think that you bought your way in and that was the last thing you needed, all you had to do was avoid anyone you knew and remain unnoticed. Which would be hard considering your sister and Jungkook were around.

Thinking about Jungkook was starting to make you mad again so you got up and stretched, ready to unpack the few boxes that now contained your entire life. The apartment came furnished and you had already been up there to get the bulkier stuff settled with your family’s help so now you just had to sort through smaller things which you did with a frown. Once you were done, you expected to feel a sense of completion, excitement even, but you felt nothing. If anything you felt scared. 

It was a Wednesday in your second week of college. You desperately hoped it would go better than your first week though you can’t think of a way for it to go any worse. But of course, the world is full of surprises. “Y/N!” You turned the other way when you saw Jungkook jogging towards you. You tried to walk with as much speed as you could muster but he was an athlete, you should’ve known better. “Y/N, I’m sorry, what I said was horrible.” He stopped in front of you while you looked at your feet. “It’s okay, I won’t snitch. I already forgot about it.” You tried to reason but he clearly didn’t believe you. “Why’d you turn around the other way then?” You stayed silent because you had no good excuse. “Let’s meet for lunch, my treat, I owe you.” You shook your head quickly. “I already ate lunch.” He looked at you weirdly before laughing. “Y/N it’s 8:30, I believe we call that breakfast.” Your face morphed into an embarrassed smile as you wished desperately for the ground to swallow you whole.

“So, you’re an alpha?!” Jungkook gestured for you to quieten down as while he looked around cautiously to see if anyone overheard. “No way, you totally don’t seem like an alpha.” He looked at you with an offended face which you just shook off. “Come on, alphas don’t run after people just to apologise, Jungkook.” 

 “Well, they can.” He retorted with just as much spite as you. “Evidently.” You looked him up and down while you said it and he flicked your forehead in response. You tried to take a bite of your burger but parts of it started slipping out. “I don’t know why they say Miri is the better sister, you clearly have so much class.” He said this while you were trying to eat your now deformed burger but you were not enjoying the scrutiny. “You’re so funny.” You replied mockingly which just made him laugh in return. “So, why the sudden change of heart? You used to look at me like I ran over your dog.” He winced at the memory before putting his fork down. “It was embarrassing, I never asked for help before and it was weird for me. Besides, I didn’t actually need help my dad was just paranoid.” You nodded understandingly because you sure did understand, you hated asking for help just as much as the next guy but you weren’t as well-rounded as Jungkook was, you definitely needed help in some areas. 

“If I was a werewolf, I’d be an alpha, right?” Jungkook gave you one look before laughing obnoxiously, you put a hand on your heard feigning offence. “You’d be a beta.” You were now genuinely offended but pushed that back for the moment to provide room for your curiosity. “Why?” When he looked at you with a playful gaze you were prepared for a snarky comment. “Because people who want to be alphas are automatically betas. You don’t choose your role, your role chooses you.” You gave him a playful nudge into the wall as he was walking you home. “Okay Gandalf, when did you get so wise?” He laughed harder than he should’ve and you gave him a questioning look. “Who even is that?” Your eyes widened in shock. “Gandalf, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit?” When he still looked at you with the same blank stare you shook your head disappointingly. “Only a nerd like you would reference something from Lord of the Rings.” You nudged him a little harder this time but he was more prepared. “Y/N, I really am sorry about what I said.” You waved him off.  “Admit I’d make the best alpha and I’ll forgive you.” His eyes met yours in an annoyed glare but they still seemed so beautiful to you. You had to tell yourself to stop staring before it got awkward. Maybe Henry was right, maybe you did have a tiny crush on Jungkook, but in reality, who didn’t?

“You’re late.” You quickly sat down in front of him, 15 minutes after you’re appointed time. “I know, I’m sorry. The lecture ran over schedule.” He shook his head in fake disappointment and you sighed before playing along. “A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.” Jungkook looked at you blankly, blinking far too much in an attempt to make you realise how random your references were. “Gandalf, again.” He muttered ‘nerd’ under his breath and went back to his papers. You hit him with your pen. Despite his father’s word, Jungkook was doing well but you had to admit that he was trying a lot harder than he did in high school.

“Thanks for joining me, I didn’t want to study alone.” You peered over your shoulder to look at the group of girls that were staring at him and giggling. “Could’ve asked someone from your fan club.” When he looked up at you in confusion, you cocked your head to the side that they were on and he sighed heavily. “They do that to every guy, trust me.” You nodded your head with a teasing look which he didn’t find amusing but he didn’t say anything after and you grew worried. “Hey, do you mind covering for me for tomorrow’s 2pm class? I have a wolf thing I have to deal with, just tell the professor that I had a meeting with my coach.” You nodded hesitantly, concerned about what had been stressing him out so much but you didn’t press. It had been 2 weeks since your lunch with him and since then you’d found out a handful of things about Jungkook. He was a competitive swimmer, he had a fear of microwaves, he did not hook-up with your sister and he didn’t like sharing information about himself. 

When Jungkook showed up the day after the 2pm class he had to miss, he looked horrible. He had a cut on his lip that was healing and scattered bruises on his face. With how fast werewolves healed, you assumed this was far better than what it had been last night. “You look like roadkill.” You wanted to ask what had happened and if he was okay, but you knew where that would have gone so you skipped the small talk. “Shit, really?” He seemed panicked about what you said which made you even more concerned, it was obvious you were kidding. “No, you look fine just a little beaten. Are you okay?” He didn’t face you so you grabbed his shoulder to make him though when you did you felt a bandage through his shirt. He winced at the contact and you pulled your hand off like it was a hot stove. “Sorry. Jungkook, what happened?” He turned to you and smiled, pulling you by the forearm to your morning class. “There was already a pack here and you can’t have two alphas so I had to fight him. But I won and I’m fine. Trust me, he looks even worse.” You laughed but it seemed half-hearted, you were glad he shared this much though, it was more than you hoped for. 

“So, recap on the class. Professor lost his shit at Daniel because he kept swinging on the chair and fell. We discussed conflict of interest in workplaces so shit got gory and someone walked in drunk. Welcome to Ivy League, huh?” He chuckled but it seemed fake and you wondered if he was even listening. You didn’t press further, you thought he had done enough sharing for that day. “Anyways, I have my photography class now so I’m going to go.” He nodded absentmindedly and you walked away with a clouded mind and a heavy heart. You worry made you realise that you definitely liked Jungkook in a completely non-platonic way. You were royally screwed. 

You had made a friend in your photography class, his name was Berlin and he approached you for help at first which you didn’t really mind, you needed friends anyway. He asked if you wanted to join him after class to take some pictures around the college to help him with his new DSLR. You agreed with a little hesitation, unsure of how he got into the class with that little knowledge about cameras but you didn’t think much of it, his parents were probably rich. He had a black eye too but he told you it was from his martial arts classes and you believed him because it seemed like a genuine excuse. You had explored almost every surface of the giant campus and surprisingly had a lot of fun, it was refreshing to find someone with the same hobby as you. You called it a day at around 6pm, your class having finished at 4pm. You said goodbye and went home, determined to eat the cereal you had been craving. After saying goodbye, you went home to your eerily quiet apartment, you missed Henry. 

“So, how’s college going?” You were eating with your sister who had finally found time for you in her extremely busy schedule. “It’s fine, I hate Professor Golden though.” She laughed, almost choking on her food so you passed her the cup of water. “Thanks. I totally remember hating Professor Golden too, we all made jokes about his last name.” You laughed a little before returning to your food. A thick tension grew in the air, your talks with her were always silent and awkward. You had very little in common. 

“I can’t believe my baby sister is already a college freshman.” She cooed at you and you couldn’t help but laugh. She was almost 3 years older but sometimes she made it feel like 13. “Any college guys you find cute?” Your brain stopped working for a moment and you were unsure if you should tell her. “Come on, you can tell me.” She tried to pry it out of you while you just nervously smiled, trying to avoid her questions. Eventually, you gave up because it wasn’t like her to give up on gossip. “I think I like Jungkook.” Her face dropped dramatically and it made you panic a little. “Miri, what’s wrong?” She held your hand and looked at you sympathetically. “Y/N, he’s a werewolf.” She said something that wasn’t new to you. You’d repeated this to yourself far too many times to count. “I know. I’m not expecting anything to happen, I didn’t even expect this to happen it just did. Besides, I’m not in love with him, I’ll get over it.” You felt judged under her stare but you knew she meant well, no matter how harshly she came off sometimes. “Well, he rejected my advances so I really don’t think he’d be interested in you. I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

Miri said stupid things often. She lacked the emotional filter behind her words and offended people a lot. You grew thick skin thanks to her but this was where you drew the line. Your entire life you felt lesser than her and she promised you that she’d never do anything to make you feel that way and yet here she was, making you feel like you’ll never amount to her prestige. “Sorry, I need to get back I forgot I had a paper due by 5.” You left a $50 bill on the table and left before she could say anything else to potentially worsen the low blow she just gave you. You felt bad for walking away so abruptly, but you were not in the mood to argue with her, not again.

Unfortunately, your plans of moping on the couch all day were ruined when Jungkook had come over after hearing about the failure of a lunch with your sister, however, you spared him the details. “I bought a bag of junk food, McDonald’s and a whole pack of banana milk.” You smiled at him thankfully from your sad position on the couch which you were sure you were chemically bonded with now. “Did you get popcorn?” He was sorting through the bags before turning to you. “And risk dying via microwave? No thanks.” You laughed before getting up to join him. “Wait till I tell your pack that their alpha is scared of microwaves.” He gasped before clasping his heart dramatically. “You wouldn’t dare.” He started chuckling straight after, an adorable smile on his face.

You watched like 3 movies already and Jungkook was yet to feel sleepy, you, however, were seconds away from passing out. You were both on the couch, legs intermingled under the blanket, your head on his shoulder. It was your first time being this intimate with him and you hated how good it felt. “Jungkook, I’m sleepy.” You looked up at him and he smiled sweetly, forcing you to immediately look away. So, much for ‘getting over it’. “I’ll get going then.” He stood up to stretch, you following him. He grabbed his things off of your coffee table and walked to the door. 

“Jungkook, wait!” He turned around as he watched you come towards the door with the pack of banana milk. He fought back a smile as you dropped it into his arms. “Take it, you like them more than I do now.” He chuckled as he watched your eyes intently. “Thank you.” You smiled back at him before realising he was staring at you. Your smile fell as you stared back. “What? Is there something on my face?” You moved your hand to go over your face and he shook his head through hushed laughter. “Goodnight, Y/N.” He had just opened the door when you called out his name and once he turned, you kissed him. He didn’t pull away, just stood there in shock, you first to pull away actually and a flood of regret came crashing into your head immediately after. “Jungkook, I’m so sorry-” Before you could finish he was out the door and you cursed yourself for your spontaneous impulses. 

Jungkook had ignored what had happened miraculously, even during your apology he seemed unbothered. He probably felt bad for you but you were just glad he wasn’t mad or upset, besides, now you could truly focus on trying to get over him. You spent most of the day working on your study notes, trying to memorise stuff as best you could. By the time you stopped, it was already 8pm and you had skipped both lunch and dinner. You scavenged your fridge to look for something edible and settled on a pudding cup. College Y/N was doing great.

At around 9, you got a knock on your door which you cautiously went to answer, after seeing that it was Jungkook through the eyehole you opened the door to let him in, strangely, he was really angry. “What the fuck is this, Y/N?” He held out his phone of you to show a picture of you smiling, the sender being Berlin. “It’s a picture of me, how do you know Berlin? Are you friends?” Your lighthearted tone made Jungkook realise it wasn’t your fault that Berlin decided to get to you and that there was no way you could have known. “Y/N, Berlin is the alpha of the pack I took over, he’s messing with you to get to me.” You were mostly shocked but you also felt a little upset. You genuinely thought he was your friend. “I don’t want you anywhere near him, he’s dangerous.” You shook your head a little. “Sure he may be a little mad at you but we’re friends, I-” “I mean it, nowhere near him.” You held your hand out for him to pass his phone over so you could double-check that it was Berlin. You compared the number to the one on your phone to realise that it was indeed him. “You have his number already, fuck Y/N.” Your face hardened before you turned to him. “Sorry, I don’t have a ‘wolf’s intuition.’” You added air quotes for effect which he didn’t quite appreciate. 

You noticed his wet hair and his gym bag. “Did you just finish training? Jungkook it’s nearly 10pm.” He shrugged, grabbing his phone back from you and crash landing onto your couch. You couldn’t help but wonder how he could look so beautiful all the time. Sure, you always knew that he was good-looking but it felt like you were looking at a completely different man than high-school-Jungkook. He had endearing eyes, they could look so wide at moments and so closeted in others. His lips were soft, perfectly contrasting his sharp jaw, complementing each other beautifully. He was incredibly alluring in so many ways and it was impossible to escape it, no matter how hard you tried.

Jungkook held onto his shoulder, seeming like he was trying to soothe it from pain. You got up from your seat across from him and moved to stand behind him, taking over his hands and rubbing his shoulder for him. “Fuck, you’re good at this.” You hummed in agreement before laughing jokingly. “I am, right? They should call me Dr Bones.” He leaned his head forward to give you more access, ignoring your joke. You could physically feel how tense his muscles were and it made you worry a lot. Jungkook was the type who could work himself to death, stare at his dead body and still claim that he didn’t work hard enough. “Stop, or I’ll fall asleep. Thank you though.” He got up and grabbed his bag from the floor and made his way to the door. He turned around right before he left. “Y/N. I mean it, stay away from Berlin.” You nodded but you weren’t sure how you were supposed to just start avoiding him without seeming suspicious, besides, he was your only photography friend. 

“Hey, Y/N!” Berlin took the seat next to yours like he had been this past week, you didn’t say anything about it because you thought it would be fine but you did begin to regret it when he started whispering to you. “Why so quiet?” You gulped while playing with your camera bag. “I just didn’t get much sleep.” He nodded though you were sure he didn’t believe you. “Meet me behind this building after class. It’s important.” You probably shouldn’t have agreed and you probably shouldn’t have followed through with it but you did because you were an idiot. “You’ve been quiet. Jungkook told you, didn’t he?” You were playing with the sleeves of your jumper when you nodded, he sighed in return. “He took away my pack, my position, it seemed only right that I take something of his.” You gave him a pointed glare, staring at him without a wave of newfound anger. 

“I’m a person if you haven’t realised. Not a pawn in your stupid scheme for vengeance. Whatever you have with Jungkook is between you and him, don’t drag me into this.” You were about to walk back but he stopped you, blocking your way with his arm. “Y/N, don’t make me hurt you. All I want is for you to tell Jungkook to back down from my pack.” You smiled with feigned innocence. “Why don’t you tell him? I thought alphas were supposed to be brave…or did Jungkook take your balls too?” Berlin pinned you against the wall, his hands around the collar of your jumper. “You don’t wanna fight me, Y/N.” You pushed his arms off of you, straightening out your clothes. “You’re right, I don’t but since you so gracefully shared with me your perspective, I feel like I have to.” He laughed mockingly before leaning down to stare directly at your face. “And how do you plan on beating a werewolf?” You smiled again, so sweetly it made Berlin sick. In all honesty, you were terrified. If he called on your bluff this would turn into a complete shit-show, you had no fighting experience, you were all bark and absolutely no bite. 

“I’m going to fucking kill you.” Before you could decipher where the voice came from Berlin was leaning against the wall against you in pain after the fresh punch to his face from Jungkook. When Jungkook’s eyes locked with yours, he cocked his head to the side. “Go.” You would have protested but his face kind of scared you. You walked away, looking over your shoulder every few steps to make sure no one was dead. 

“What the fuck were you thinking? Y/N has nothing to do with this.”  “But she does, doesn’t she…?” Berlin started and Jungkook eyes narrowed. “She’s going to find out eventually and then she’ll hate you for not telling her.” Jungkook grabbed him by the collar while he was still against the wall. “If she finds out, it won’t be from you.” He let Berlin go roughly and glared at him before walking away. “She’s going to hate you, you know!” Berlin screamed but Jungkook continued walking away, unsure of how Berlin even found out about Jungkook’s secret.

“Stripes or no stripes?” Jungkook was making you choose between his endless collection of ties and you were so bored you started counting the dots on a polka-dotted one. “Y/N!” You snapped back into reality and faced him with a sheepish smile. “Sorry…no stripes, makes you look more mysterious.” He nodded before putting his stripped ties to the side. “Why are you so stressed about this dinner, anyway? It’s just my family and your family in some fancy restaurant talking about the same boring things over and over.” Jungkook desperately wanted to tell you what had changed but he couldn’t, not yet. “No reason, I just want to impress your parents.” You gave him a scrutinising look and he just avoided it. “Since when do you care about impressing anyone?” He sighed before snatching his polka-dot tie out of your hands. “Go get ready, we’re going to be late.” 

“Take the next left…and the destination should be on your right.” You spoke while mocking the navigator which just made Jungkook stare at you weirdly. “I’m bad with directions, I live off of this thing.” You held up your phone to gesture to the navigation app before getting out of his car. “Do I look okay?” He asked nervously and you looked at him, he looked much better than okay. He was clad in slacks and a dress shirt, no tie to your distaste. You remembered arguing with him after he had chosen to not wear a tie after all your efforts. His hair was getting longer but you loved it, especially the way he had styled it that night, not to mention the fact that he had his sleeves rolled up and his top few buttons open. You stopped yourself from staring too long by nodding. “Do I look okay?” Your eyes morphed into offended ones when he winced. You scoffed out loud but he just laughed at your reaction. “I’m kidding, you look great nerd, now move it, we’re already 15 minutes late.” You rolled your eyes, mumbling as you walked in. “Maybe if you didn’t make me spend 40 minutes helping you choose a tie…” He elbowed you slightly, reaching the reception desk and asking about your reservation, once you had taken a seat everyone, including Henry, had their eyes on the two of you. 

“Sorry, we’re late,” Jungkook commented, shaking your parent's hands as he sat down. “Wardrobe malfunction.” You joked as you secretly pointed at him. Everyone laughed a little and you were glad you had relieved some of the tension. You saw your brother the day before and boy did he have a lot to tell you, he seemed so excited about this dinner and you were still yet to know why. Now that you were here it seemed like everyone knew something you didn’t. 

“How’s college going, made any friends?” Jungkook’s mother asked, directing it at you. You choked because of the sudden question and scoffed down half the glass of water. “College is fine, I haven’t really been focused on making friends.” She nodded, Songwook laughing before joining in. “I wish Jungkook was the same. He befriended half the entire campus on the first day!” Everyone laughed while Jungkook shook his head jokingly, your mom suddenly called your name. “Y/N, could you grab me another napkin dear, I already spilled wine on mine. Clumsy me!” She giggled but it seemed fake, you wondered why she didn’t just ask a waiter to do it. You stood up to grab one from the desk nonetheless. 

The moment you left your mother leaned in. “Tell us, Jungkook, does she know?” He shook his head, his father joining in. “I’m glad you suggested we make Jungkook befriend her, otherwise we would have never found out.” “Found out what?” Your mom gasped when you were behind her, napkin in hand. The entire table was silent. “Wait...you forced Jungkook to befriend me? Do you think I’m that intolerable?” Jungkook rubbed his palms over his face, the inevitable was coming. “Y/N, we just know how you struggle with making friends and we thought it would be better to start you off with one,” Miri spoke this time with a tantalising tone. 

“So the whole tutor thing, that was a part of this as well? That’s why you were so mad at me about telling my dad that you were ignoring me? Because you didn’t want to fake being my friend?” You directed the question at Jungkook that time and he tried to apologise but you stopped him. “This isn’t about my social skills, is it? You still pity me for being a human so you gave me a werewolf to make me feel better!” You were speaking in a hushed tone so you wouldn’t warrant any unwanted attention but internally all you wanted to do was scream. “Henry, did you know about this too?” When he didn’t reply you scoffed, throwing your hands up in defeat. “Y/N, darling, we-” Songwook had spoken this time but you were quick to cut him off. “Forget it. I’m leaving.” And with that, you grabbed your bag and left. “Y/N come back, I’m your ride.” Jungkook tried reasoning but you were still walking away, your pride clearly getting in the way of your rationality because walking 30 minutes in heels was not rational. 

You stared at your sore feet in your Iron Man pyjamas as you cried to Spongebob, this wasn’t your proudest moment but you liked to think there were worse ways you could’ve handled the situation. Your family (Henry and your dad) kept blowing up your phone so you turned it off and sat not-so-peacefully on your weirdly comfortable couch. You heard a knock on the door and you didn’t open it, already knowing who was behind it. “Y/N, let me in please, I have your food.” The idea of opening the door to Jungkook seemed painful but you were also painfully hungry so you opened it anyway, snatching your food out of his hand. You tried to close the door but his foot jammed it and he pried it open with ease despite you using all your effort to keep it shut. You needed to start bulking. 

After he got in, you gave up and went back to your couch where you wrapped the blanket back around you and continued watching TV, now with food in your hand. “Y/N, I’m sorry but you have to believe me, I genuinely wanted to be your friend ever since we had that first lunch together, I promise.” You didn’t reply, in fact, your reaction (more so the lack thereof) had him thinking he didn’t even say anything at all. He grabbed the remote from your table and turned off the TV. You gave him a fleeting glare but didn’t say anything else. “Y/N.” You didn’t react once again, eating your pasta with aggression. “Y/N, look at me.” He grabbed both of your shoulders so he could turn you to face him. “I mean it, I’m sorry about how it started but I promise I wanted to be your friend.” You put your foot down, your sadness overpowering your hunger. “Wanted is past tense, should I be worried?” You joked but the tear that slid down your face taunted you straight after. You wiped it quickly but before you knew it more were springing down. He moved his hand to softly wipe your tears away and let out a breath of relief when you didn’t flinch away. 

“I will not say: do not weep; for not all tears are an evil. But these are so stop crying, nerd.” You darted your eyes up so quickly the blood rushed to your head. “Gandalf!” He smiled at how excited you were. “I don’t study fictional characters for fake friends, Y/N.” Your excitement fled a little but you smiled at him slightly. “There was a reason we had that dinner tonight.” Your smile fell and your face looked puzzled. “Why?” Jungkook took a deep breath before continuing. “If I tell you, you can’t get mad at me. I kept it from you because we all wanted to tell you tonight.” You nodded a little hesitantly, scared about what he was going to tell you. 

“Y/N, remember that night you kissed me and I walked out?” You nodded, wincing at the memory. “That night, I found out you were my mate.” You inhaled so quickly you started choking. Jungkook pat your back though it seemed useless. Once your cough calmed down, you punched Jungkook on his arm harshly. “You asshole! I spent that entire night sulking because of you.” He laughed but your glare made him stop abruptly. He took both of your hands in his. “I panicked, I wasn’t expecting it to be you.” You thought he was disappointed so your smile turned into an apprehensive one. “Oh…” He grabbed your face by the chin and made you face him. “I wasn’t expecting it but I was so fucking glad it was.” You started feeling bashful under his gaze so you tried to avoid his eyes. “Is that why Berlin was so adamant on dragging me into your issue, did he know too? I let that bitch use my good camera!” Jungkook sighed at the memory of him but he nodded nonetheless. You jumped up from the couch quickly. “Wait, that means I can turn and then people can stop looking at me like I’m an alien!” Jungkook nodded, laughing at your random outburst. “Only if you want to though, you don’t have to decide that yet, we have time.” 

He pulled you back to the couch, this time you landed on his lap. He wrapped his arm around your waist and you leaned your head on his chest. “You’re an ugly crier.” You sat up to frown at him but he just pulled you back to his chest. “I lied, it’s just because I never want to see you cry again.” You pinched his arm and he exclaimed loudly. “What was that for?” You laughed before cuddling into him again. “Insulting me for your selfish desires…wait I have pasta!” You sprung out of his lap to go back to eating your food, turning on the TV in the process and Jungkook wondered how he managed to get paired with someone quite as unique as you. 

“I think you’re half-fish.” You said once you saw Jungkook after the swim meet. “If I was would you still love me?” You stopped walking to ponder before shaking your head. He cocked his eyebrow at you before you nodded in agreement with yourself. “I hate fish so, no. Unless you were like a merman, that would be hot. Wait but what if you turn into an actual fish then how-” He pulled you by the arm to continue walking to his car. “I was kidding, Y/N.” You were still stuck in thought. “Yes, but the premise is interesting.” He pinched your cheek in a surprise attack. “Remind me why I’m dating a nerd?” You shrugged before interlocking your hand with his. “Remind me why I’m dating a fish?” He gave you an unamused look which you instantly matched before laughing at him. 

“Can I drive?” You asked, mustering the most convincing face you can create, already in the passenger seat. “No,” Jungkook replied sternly, hoping you’d let it go because his resolve was quick to disappear with you. “Please, I need to practice.” He frowned before whining childishly.  “Y/N, this is a Mercedes Benz can’t you practice on a Toyota or something?” You rolled your eyes at his dramatic rejection but you came up with a better plan. “I don’t know anyone who drives a- wait, do you think your friend Hoseok would teach me? He drives a Toyota.” Jungkook gave you an annoyed look before begrudgingly exiting the car. You got out excitedly as you rushed to the driver's seat. “You’re evil, you know that?” He asked angrily and you nodded, giving him a kiss on the cheek which forced a smile out of him. 

The second you started the engine he began tutting in disappointment. “What?” You turned to him annoyed but he just moved over you to grab the seatbelt, clasping it in place and giving you a kiss which you had to pull away from before it escalated. “I did that on purpose because I knew you would do it for me.” Jungkook just hummed in fake agreement but you paid it no mind. You always felt obnoxiously happy each time he kissed you and you were almost sure you’d never stop. “Jungkook?” He turned to expectantly before you gave him a beaming smile. “I love you, fish or human.” He turned away from you, annoyed at your random confession. “Just focus on the road, okay?” You nodded dutifully and about 5 minutes into your drive home, he randomly called your name. “What, did I turn 0.3 seconds too late?” You joked but he just stared at you. 

 “I love you too, nerd.”

[extremelyblackandwhite]

the unseen one - 10

Pairing: Hades!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: fluff 

A/N: after panicking about the fact that i’ve been ignoring half my coursework bc tbh cannot be asked to write a 2000 essay on a single type of bacteria, i decided to write some chapters for you! i also have a tag list now so if you wanna be tagged, let me know. enjoy xx

Next Chapter >>

Y/N and James were laying on the ground with him laying on top of her sideways, hand intertwined in her beautiful locks and hers doing the exact same. How they had ended up on the floor, they weren’t exactly sure, they just knew that the cold floor was somehow better than the boiling hot room. All James knew is that he could spend his immortality there, on that position all the time as long as he got to look at her. How the God of the Underworld still managed to find and attract beauty was foreign to him and whenever he was alone he wondered how she had wandered into his life and why she had decided to remain in it. 

No matter how much mortality Hecate decided to point out in her, how he could feel her life source whenever he touched her or how she would sometimes remind him of her own mortality, she was the closest thing to what he had imagined the Goddess of Beauty to look like before he became a god himself. Now, he would never said that out loud, he knew what happened whenever someone dared to be the tiniest bit more beautiful than Aphrodite herself, but he believed the goddess to have nothing on Y/N. James was enamoured by a mortal in a way that he could’ve never predicted. 

     - What are you thinking about? - Y/N questioned, seeing him lost in the middle of his thoughts. She lightly scratched his head, hearing a small groan coming from his chest. - Bucky, stop staring at me like that. 

     - You’re so ethereal. - he moved his head so he could lay on top of her chest, extending his neck so he could kiss her jaw. - Has someone ever told you how beautiful you are?

     - Well, you keep telling me that. In no time you’re gonna raise my ego and then I’m gonna be insufferable.

     - You, Y/N, could never be insufferable. - he chuckled, one of his fingers coming to trace her jaw climbing all the way to her top lip. Her eyes were set on his as he traced her top and bottom lip, the lingering touch awakening feelings in her she didn’t recall anymore. The air was tense as he traced her bottom lip again and she felt that even her breathing was too loud. Y/N took a leap of faith, leaning it to kiss him. Once their lips touched, James swore he’d never felt as whole as he felt right now. His hand rested upon her cheek as he stopped for a second to regain his breathe before going back to kiss her, the faint taste of sugar and salt from her popcorn. She relished the feeling, her hand on top of his wrist as they separated, eyes onto one another. - You are the realest thing I’ve ever touched. 

    - You can’t say that and then refuse to spend the night. - she cuddled against his chest, feeling it rise up and down as her hand lowered to touch his cheek in what he felt was the sweetest, loveliest touch. - You sure you can’t stay with me? I haven’t seen you in so long.

   - I really can’t, sweetness. - he leaned to kiss her exposed collarbone due to her strap top. - If they don’t see me first thing in the morning, they’ll probably have me killed. 

   - You work too much. - Y/N whined, that pout forming itself again. - You ought to show me around your place someday.

   - I don’t think you’d like my place, sweetness. Some people might even say there’s too much death around it.

   - I know flats in Brooklyn aren’t that great but that’s an exaggeration. - she chuckled, relishing in the fact that he at least was around. - Seriously it can’t be that bad ... unless you live in a loft. If you live in a loft, I can never see you again. 

   - Hey, what’s your war with lofts, huh? - he tickled her sides making her laugh and hide her head against his chest. He stopped tickling her once she fought back and started to tickle him too. Hecate would probably drown him in the river of souls if she saw the God of the Dead being tickled by a mortal and laughing at it. - Right, you have to stop because I need to go. 

   - Alright but ... are you visiting next week? - she played around with her nails, looking at her hands to avoid his gaze. James furrowed his eyebrows at her, questioning why she had suddenly turned shy on him. - You know for Valentines’ Day.

  - Valentines’ Day is next week? - when you’ve lived long underground, you kinda forget about days because no matter how long the time runs, you’re still in the same place doing the same thing. However, James sometimes forgot that he was speaking with Y/N, a mortal worried about her own mortality. - Must have slipped my mind. 

  - You don’t need to come, it’s just that you know ... there’s this nice restaurant around the corner and ...

  - Are you asking me on a date, Y/N? - he said, a smirk plastered on his lips, making her blush pure red. - Are you blushing after we just kissed a few minutes ago? 

  -  I just don’t know if you’re there yet or if I’m reading this wrong and this is a casual thing. I haven’t dated in a while so I don’t really know how to deal with this without being awkward. - there she was rambling again, lost in the fear that he would reject her. James merely pulled her closer to his chest, the scent of his shirt invading her senses as he kissed the top of her head. 

  - I would love to take you out for Valentines’ Day. 

tag list: @keithseabrook27​ @inlovewith3​

[theritualofourexistence]

Clarity in the Cancellation Crusade

After posting multi-paragraph comments on a couple different things that have popped up in my feed recently, it seemed like I should probably just sit down and write this out.

“Cancel culture.” Crazy shit, right?

The recent onslaught of cancellations includes Mr. Potato Head, Pepe Le Pew, a handful of Disney movies (Peter Pan, Dumbo, The Aristocats), and *audible gasp* Dr. Seuss. The Muppets also got a newfangled Disney+ content warning, though I’ve seen significantly fewer headlines about that.

The thing that inevitably happens when the news media decides to publish a headline about a children’s toy or book being “canceled” is a veritable parade of social media complaints about how sensitive people have become. I saw this particular post over 10 times in the period of a couple hours one day last week…

The question I’ve been asking recently when I see posts like that is this: “Who do you think cancel culture is?”

Because “cancel culture” isn’t real. In the majority of the cases currently making headlines, the choice to remove a character from a movie or stop publishing a book has been made by the company responsible for that character or book… and that is very much a normal thing companies can choose to do.

No one I’ve posed the above question to has overtly mentioned “Libtards,” but it’s certainly implied. People who haven’t read a Dr. Seuss book in 20 years are now suddenly all up in arms (literally?) because “the Liberals” are coming for “And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street.”

The Liberals are not coming for Dr. Seuss. They do not care about a potato toy. Also, nothing is happening to the Cat in the Hat. I repeat: NOTHING is happening to the Cat in the Hat.

The choices to stop publishing that book and to market a vegetable toy in a less gendered way were made by the companies responsible for producing those products… not the Liberal “cancel culture” ghoul. In fact, it’s really, really hard to find public outcry about any of the things that have been recently “canceled.” There was a single NYT article that recently discussed the problematic nature of the Pepe Le Pew cartoons… that said, Warner Bros hasn’t aired that show in decades and it is not clear whether that article had anything to do with the skunk’s scene being removed from the new Space Jam movie.

Even growing up I remember things like political correctness needlessly becoming a partisan issue. When we fall into that media trap, all we’re doing is watering the plant of an already poisonous and ineffective two-party system. Be bigger than that temptation. Push back against media intended to further divide Americans. If something stinks, it’s probably rotten. Sure, there are certain topics that fall under the umbrella of political correctness that sound alarm bells for censorship issues… but didn’t everyone’s mom tell them that if they didn’t have anything nice to say, they shouldn’t say anything at all?

Again, though, the most important thing to remember about this recent wave of “canceling” is that censorship concerns are moot. A person who owns a thing is legally allowed to do all the censoring they want. It’s not the government that has decided to stop publishing 6 books written by Dr. Seuss… if it were, we could have the censorship conversation. These changes aren’t happening because there is a Democrat in the White House. They’re happening because the company who makes these products, has for whatever reason, decided to take a different approach.

In the case of the Dr. Seuss books, Dr. Seuss Enterprises re-evaluated their choice to publish 6 books based on racist themes and images. I have only heard of two of those six. The image below is, in my opinion, objectively problematic:

The fact that a major company behind such a well-known name has seen that something is problematic and has decided to stop publishing the books containing overt racist images is awesome. It sets a great example that we can all learn from. Humans have an amazing capacity to learn… that’s one of the only reasons we are in charge here on Earth. If we fall on ice once, we are often more careful on ice the next time. When we see that something is racially problematic, it’s a good thing if we can take action to get that thing out of rotation. More on that later.

Fundamentally, what is happening right now in Media Land is gross sensationalism.

“Cancel culture” isn’t real. Should people face consequences if they say or do racist things? Yes. We should all agree on that. Should we stop publishing books that perpetuate racist stereotypes? Yes. There are plenty of non-racist books that provide an education about racial differences without the added (exceedingly inappropriate) zing of Asian characters being painted yellow and African characters being given monkey features.

If you’re not convinced that some of Dr. Seuss’s material is racially problematic, I encourage you to pop on over to Google to check out the series of ads he did for FLIT in the 1930s. Yes, it was the 1930s. In the last 90 years, we’ve learned that images like that are not okay… let’s use that knowledge to let old racist graphics die.

Still can’t accept that “cancel culture” isn’t real? Still feeling like there’s something in the air now that is different and worse than before?

Okay, then, let’s consider it further.

Things have been “canceled” by people for millennia… this isn’t new. Being all for cancel culture when Colin Kaepernick kneels for the anthem (a perfectly legal form of peaceful protest considered respectful by many veterans) but opposing cancel culture when it’s threatening to eliminate an obviously racist thing is not exactly a moral stance. Burning your Nikes in the street but then turning around and spending $400 on a copy of “If I Ran the Zoo” on eBay after Dr. Seuss’s own family has pulled it from publication due to racist imagery is… silly.

The same people who seem to be so vocal about “cancel culture” now are part of the same communities who tried to cancel plenty of things in my lifetime. Things like trick-or-treating, Harry Potter, school dances, books and movies with LGBT+ characters and themes…

History absolutely bubbles over with things that have been canceled… often for good reason! Some examples that come to mind: 

DDT

the Catholic Church (see the 16th century Protestant Reformation)

doing our everyday poopin’ in outdoor holes

polio

hoop skirts

phrenology (new science cancels old science like every damn day)

Ford Pintos (not to mention cars without seatbelts)

telegrams and rotary phones (replaced by easier and better ways to communicate)

lead paint

asbestos

Four Loco

Y’all remember when we all did the ice bucket challenge to cancel Alzheimer’s?

Learning that something is problematic and moving past it is LEARNING… not cancel culture.  Learning and growth are good things. We all benefit from them.

Another thing worth commenting on from that Cat in the Hat post that circulated in my Facebook feed: why do we consistently demonize sensitivity? Racism feels like something we should all be sensitive about. If being sensitive about something results in meaningful change and a less hateful country, isn’t that… good? Why do so many Americans seem to place so much value on their “freedom” to hurt others?

And don’t get me started on comparing this stuff to Cardi B. It boggles my mind that that’s happening at all. Why is there suddenly so much outcry about one song that features female genitals in a literal ocean of songs that feature male genitals. I grew up knowing every word to songs about sex well before I even knew what sex was. Your kids are only desperate to listen to WAP because they know it makes you squeamish. And take a second to think about why it makes you squeamish. Genitals are human and scientific and we literally all have them. If you have more of a problem with WAP than with any of the other 10,000 songs about dicks and sex, you need to spend some time examining why that is.

Here’s another post I’ve seen bouncing around the social media feeds:

Something about this is just plain hilarious to me. Like what are racism and rape culture if not THE REALEST issues? This country’s problem with systemic racism runs so, so deep and is reflected very plainly in centuries of cold, hard numbers. It’s not that I *think* systemic racism is a problem. The data very clearly shows that regardless of what white people think about race in this country, systemic racism absolutely IS a problem. Racism and rape culture, arguably at the root of the most recent canceling spree, are not just real issues, they’re real American issues. They’re cultural issues. And solving cultural issues is not easy. We know that these issues have been passed down through the generations so maybe changing children’s toys and books and shows isn’t such a bad thing to try. There is SO much work to do to address racism and rape culture in the United States, but small steps are still progress.

If choosing to stop airing a show that blatantly perpetuates rape culture means one less young person is stalked or assaulted or raped, that’s worth it, no? What if that one young person who doesn’t become a victim is your daughter?

If choosing to stop publishing a book with racist themes and images leads to even one kid understanding more about the nuance of race in America and the breath-taking extent of white privilege, that’s worth it too.

Would I rather the media spend time and money to bring American attention to bigger issues associated with this nation’s racism and rape culture? 100%. There are ENORMOUS fish to fry. Dr. Seuss is not an enormous fish. Potato head toys are not enormous fish. Pepe Le Pew is not an enormous fish. They’re not even big fish. They’re small. They’re tiny fish. They’re anchovies. But frying some fish is better than frying no fish.

Canceling Pepe Le Pew is not hurting anyone. Warner Brothers owns Pepe Le Pew. Warner Brothers owns nearly everything; they are not hurting for money. And canceling Pepe certainly isn’t hurting American kids. There are plenty of other kids’ shows to watch that are significantly less problematic. Just because you watched Pepe Le Pew and went on to be a properly respectful adult doesn’t mean there aren’t other kids out there who did internalize a harmful disrespect for consent. No, Pepe Le Pew probably isn’t single-handedly responsible for anyone’s decision to stalk or rape anyone else. But could a show reinforce the groundwork that ultimately leads a kid down a path where he is unable or unwilling to respect the boundaries of others? I mean, it’s not the craziest thing I’ve heard this week.

Canceling six total Dr. Seuss books that are already pretty obscure is not hurting anyone.

Changing the name of an already genderless potato toy to reflect that genderless-ness is not hurting anyone.

A brief recap: racism and rape culture are very real, very American issues.

If the decision to stop doing a thing doesn’t hurt anyone and may even save someone some hurt, why does that decision bother you?

Also, in all your frantic Facebook posting, make sure you are differentiating between “cancel culture” and consequences. When the media tosses around the phrase “cancel culture” it has this tone of finality that is, plainly, not realistic. Fads and trends move so quickly in the internet age that the idea that a group of people could “cancel” something permanently is just not possible. People who do or say racist things, though, should face consequences. People who do or say transphobic or homophobic things should face consequences. Consequences are one of the only ways we learn to do better. And again, that’s not my opinion, it’s science.

One of the consequences that can have the most impact is, you guessed it, losing money! In this capitalist hellscape, money talks. Boycotting and choosing how we spend our money are some of the most engaging ways to combat racist and homophobic garbage. When you have your temper tantrum because the company who owns a book with overtly racist imagery decides to stop publishing that book, that speaks volumes about your priorities. If you respond to that company’s decision by buying the book in question on eBay for $400, that speaks even louder volumes. What are you doing? WHY are you doing it? I’m guessing you don’t even know, and you should probably spend some time thinking about it before you flush away a chunk of your stimmy on a freaking RACIST KIDS’ BOOK.

All actions have consequences. All of our choices never affect just us. How we vote affects other people. How we spend our money affects other people. Spending our money on things that are problematic perpetuates the problem… whether it be racism, rape culture, homophobia, or transphobia… or so many other things this country desperately needs to address.

It’s human to not like change. Change is going to happen, though, regardless of whether or not we’re comfortable with it. In the information age, we have a remarkable opportunity to steer that change. Leaving behind racist relics is change, so it may be inherently uncomfortable. But change that moves our country away from racism and rape culture is GOOD change.

I am begging you. Use critical thinking… if you’re seeing a headline about something being canceled, look up WHY. Some of these headlines are absolute bunk… they’re shared just to get people all riled up and create American division. However, just like we *should* cancel lead paint, a children’s book with overtly racist images shouldn’t be published anymore and it’s weird if you disagree with that. Disagreeing with that decision, as silly as it may seem, perpetuates racism. I know how triggered y’all can get when someone suggests you might be perpetuating racism, but it is what it is. Do your research. Don’t spend your money on racist garbage. Be better.

I feel like this post is me just barking the exact same thing in different ways, but I also feel like there is so much more I could say.

I’ll leave you with this:

What will it take for Americans to weigh the threats of racism and homophobia the same way we weight the threat of lead paint? If it’s a matter of costing lives, well, the numbers speak for themselves.

[baku-no-alt]

sriracha sauce | 3

bakugou x reader; in which Bakugou and some other students from UA are doing a work -study abroad in NYC. also Bakugou is nice to you for once

cw: like, so many swears; sexual references

You’re sitting in a circle with Bakugou and all of his friends - whose real names you’ve learned by now. Kirishima passes out drinks to everyone, and you gladly take a bottle of beer. 

It’s a comfortable house party. No loud music, no insane partying. Just a group of friends sat in a circle, with maybe a few playing beer pong in another room. You smile and laugh at their jokes and stories, and part of you is jealous of Bakugou for having such an interesting group of friends. He barely joins in on the conversation, but you can tell the others enjoy having him around, even if it’s just to mess with him sometimes.

You drink your beer slowly, wary of the fact that you shouldn’t have alcohol during such an emotional time. It takes the edge off a little bit, but that’s all you wanted. You picked something relatively light - a Heineken - to play it safe. 

Midoriya picks at your brain for a little bit; asking about your Quirk and how exactly it works. You humor him, partly because he’s very sweet and genuine, and partly because you can feel the annoyance radiating off of Bakugou in the background while you talk to him.

“Something wrong, Kacchan?” you tease him, and Bakugou sucks his teeth and turns away from you. Smiling, you return to your conversation with Midoriya. 

After you’re done explaining your Quirk (along with nearly your entire life story), Mina catches your attention. 

“We’re having a quick hang out in my room!” she calls, “Girls only!” 

You grin and wave goodbye to Midoriya, following her into a bedroom down the hallway. Mina grabs your hand and drags you the rest of the way, and you look back to steal a glance at Bakugou as you laugh. 

He’s staring right at you, and your heart jumps into your throat. 

Mina pulls you into her room and shuts the door behind both of you. The rest of the girls - Yaoyorozu, Uraraka, Jirou, and Tsu are already there. It’s immediately obvious that the room belongs to Mina. Everything is pink and girly and gaudy and yet, somehow, she makes it all work. A few of the girls sit on the bed, while Tsu sits on the floor with her back resting against the bed frame. Mina grabs her desk chair and a fuzzy pink pouf from her vanity and instructs you to sit down. You choose the desk chair and she sits on the pouf, tucking her legs under her butt. 

“So,” Mina says, practically buzzing with excitement, “what’s the deal between you and Bakugou?” 

“Me and Bakugou? We’re just roommates,” you reply. 

“Bullshit,” Jirou chimes in, “Bakugou never shows up to these things, much less with a friend. Who’s a girl.” 

“It’s not like that!” you protest, your hands coming up in front of you, “I think he just feels sorry for me. I, uh... broke up with my boyfriend a few hours ago.” 

“That’s awful!” Uraraka gasps.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Mina asks. 

“Mina!” Jirou hisses in response, “Don’t be so invasive.” 

“No, it’s okay,” you say, “I... think I do want to talk about it. A little. If that’s okay.”

“Hold on, I’m getting you another drink,” Mina says, and while she’s rummaging in the kitchen, you and the other girls get comfortable with pillows and blankets. Mina returns with a few more beers and bags of chips and pretzels in hand. 

“Okay,” she says, arranging them on the floor in front of everybody for easy access, “let it all out, girl.” 

“Well, spoiler alert, we broke up because he cheated on me,” you begin, shoving some pretzels into your mouth. 

“Oh, so like, good riddance then,” Jirou says. 

“It must still be hard though,” Tsu adds. 

You crack open your beer and continue, “Yeah it sucks, but I guess I should have seen it coming after I found Tinder installed on his phone a few weeks ago.” 

“What?” Yaoyorozu gasps. 

“Oh yeah,” you smile sarcastically, “This man downloaded Tinder on his phone and when I found it, he told me he was using it to check if one of his friend’s girlfriend had a Tinder.” 

“And you believed him?” Jirou quirks a brow. 

“Now that I’m thinking back on it... no? But I took the excuse because I didn’t wanna deal with a breakup. And I didn’t wanna seem like a crazy girlfriend. I wanted to be the cool girl, I guess.” 

“That makes sense,” Uraraka says reassuringly. 

“Anyways...” you glance at the other girls, “...do you guys wanna know how I caught him?” 

“Oh my god yes” Mina practically begs.

You laugh. “She told me. The other girl he was fucking, I mean. She had no idea he had a girlfriend.”

“Oh, shit,” Jirou breathes. 

“Yeah... she texted me screenshots of their conversations on Tinder. When I confronted him, he actually had the nerve to tell me she was lying. That she made it all up.” 

The room is silent for a moment. 

“But I didn’t believe him this time,” you continue, staring into space, “I told him he was full of shit.” 

You let out a long sigh. “He told her that his feelings for her were the realest he ever had. That she was the most amazing woman he’d ever met. Like I was nothing.” Like you didn’t even exist.  

“Well, guess what?” Mina says, taking your hand and squeezing it. 

You meet her gaze. 

“He’s nothing now,” she says while nodding her head.

“Yeah!” Uraraka says, “Good riddance!”

You feel 1000 pounds lighter, and butterflies erupt in your stomach at the thought of new, genuine friendships forming. 

“Thanks for listening,” you say sheepishly, slightly embarrassed that you opened up so much to a group of girls you barely knew.

“Anytime,” Yaoyorozu replies, smiling.

A sudden knock on the door distracts you, and you reach behind you to open it. You find Kirishima standing there, controllers in hand. 

“Bakugou says you’re good at Smash,” he says, looking at you. 

“I bet he does,” Mina whispers to Jirou behind you, and you step backwards with one foot, aiming to crush her toes. 

“I’ve been known to kick some ass every now and then,” you tell Kirishima. 

“Yeah, unless you’re playing against me!” Bakugou calls from the living room. 

You get up and push past Kirishima into the hallway. You can see Bakugou at the end of the hall, a devilish smirk on his face. 

“Eat my shit,” you taunt him, “I bet I could beat you in my sleep.” 

“Prove it,” Bakugou sneers at you.

“Fine,” you say confidently, “But when you lose, you have to buy me dinner.” 

“No,” he replies, moving closer to you, “when you lose, you have to eat an entire bowl of my spicy ramen.” He punctuates each you with a finger jabbing your chest. 

“Deal,” you smirk and hold your hand out towards Kirishima, who hands you a Joy-Con while glancing back and forth between you and Bakugou. 

“Prepare to eat your words, princess.” 

---

masterlist 

@shareyourfandomfaves, @awkward-tamaki, @ha-tep, @reyna-avila-ramirez-alreanaldo, @ayeputita, @lookslikeleese, @alinakaisato

[penname-artist]

Back to Earth

Salutations, fans and freaks! Tis the morrow!

Well, I’m back now! A month of relaxing and writing/drawing my heart out without the pressure of needing to post really did the trick. I’ve made peace with a lot of things too in my personal life, dusted off my jeans, and kept walking. (I’m glad that this time, I can keep my head up and not fall prey to selfishly hanging onto the past. Been there, done that, got the tattoo to prove it! Time to do some good in the world instead!)

I have several things I’d like to announce, and it’s all new content coming very soon (that I can guarantee WILL come soon, because I have already made it. These are not empty promises!)

Volo Pro Veritas, a Planes fan Discord server, will go LIVE October first, open to all by request! We’ll have our own little Planes Discord server to geek out, it’s gonna be great! It’s going to be a really chill server, nothing too fancy or complicated. (DISCLAIMER: we strongly suggest you are 18+ for this server!)

Also, a special launch trailer will be going up for VPV in the coming days, and another couple of *special treats* I cooked up for my YouTube channel! I’m so excited to share it with you guys, you have no idea! :D

As well as all that, I’ll be adding tons of chapters into The Human Files soon, and a new WoC short series called First Light! I did several writing drabbles while I was away, and I’m proud of them all. And, a NEW mini-miniseries is coming out, mostly to my Tumblr but I’ll add them to my Tidbits too, I’m gonna post little snippets of information on my headcanons! These are gonna be TINY and on a whim, literally just as they happen, so there’ll be a lot of random flakes of information that I haven’t found the time or place to throw in yet. I’ll group them up in Tidbits to have an actual morsel of content, and it’ll go under the new [HC] tag (for headcanon). Finally, a way to mention Nick’s weird sleeping habits, how Dusty is taller than Blade and Nick is a midget, and my idea of shipping names! It’s gonna be great, I’m very excited. ;P

IvoryS-J and I are kinda-sorta collabing, too! We’re doing an A/B/O fic (as I think I teased in Tidbits before) with some other, similar drabbles around it! Bravo and Echo might also be making appearances in the future… ;)

Working on tons more stuff behind the scenes, including art, writing, and animations, but I’ll let that stuff speak for itself when it’s done and out. I didn’t forget about Emergency! It just decided to be a pain and my original idea for an ending went a little bit skewed, so I have to straighten it out the hard way. It’ll get done when it gets done!

And Though most of you don't seem to know what it is, NaNoWriMo is coming up this November and I am planning to partake in it! Here's to hoping I can crank out 50,000 words in one month!

Thank you guys for your kind words and support while I was out, too, that means so so SO much, I literally cannot express my gratitude enough to you guys. I’m so grateful that even now, having severed a bunch of ties out of necessity, so many other people have been able to be there for me and support me in that very thing, helping me push through my grieving, and find courage to do what I love again. I’ll be honest, I prayed over this server decision a lot, and I have been paranoid about it for so many reasons, more than I am allowing myself to say. But folks have reassured me (Ivory, I’m calling you out! And Tanel and Bobbly, as well as other friends) that even if this server isn’t big, isn’t flashy, isn’t more than what it is, it’s still perfectly allowed to just ‘be’, and we’re going to have a great time with it.

So, it’s been a crazy summer. But I’m rested and prepared now, and ready to be the best and realest shit y’all ever fucking SEEN! I hope you guys are ready, because I am fired up and ready to fly!

Enjoy the content coming in the next two and a half weeks guys, and until the ‘morrow!

PenName-Artist

[notespeed]

Flipping Notes for Stable Cashflow

What is better, to flip a house for $5000 or to use creative financing and make over $200K?

This question will be answered in today’s episode of Noteschool with Eddie Speed, Brian Lauchner, and Joe Varnadore, with their special guest, Jay Redding.

They will discuss an incredible case study with their student. A story that you could probably relate to.

Jay is a seasoned real estate investor. He is from Fort Wayne Indiana.

Together with his son-in-law, they have 45 rentals and they are doing three to five retail flips per year. They also buy tax liens and they plan to incorporate seller financing as a long-term game in real estate.

In this particular deal, they purchased a property using their own capital amounting to $37,000 plus $70,000 rehab. They decided to land at a  selling price of $129,900.

Now, their total profit for this particular deal is $206,000 (less $9K).

How did they do it? What strategies did they use to come up with a buyer and gain this profit?

Watch this video, listen to this powerful group to find out.

Landlords are burning out. Tenants are behind on rent payments. Toilets are backing up.

Uncover Why Savvy Investors Use Proven Mortgage Note Strategies for Massive Monthly Profits In Today’s Ever-Changing Market… Risk-Free!

Discover more about Note School and profiting without Tenants, Toilets and by taking our FREE one day class:

https://new.noteschool.com/TV

Latest Class Information:

https://noteschool.com/3-day-classes/pop/

Download a Brand-New eBook by Eddie Speed It’s A Whole New Ball Game With Creative Financing

https://lp.noteschooltraining.com/moneyball-getstarted

Follow us:

https://youtube.com/c/noteschool https://www.noteschool.com/ https://www.facebook.com/thenoteschool https://www.linkedin.com/company/noteschool/ https://www.linkedin.com/company/colonial-funding-group-llc/ https://twitter.com/thenoteschool https://www.instagram.com/thenoteauthority/

Listen to our Podcast:

https://noteschool.libsyn.com/08-flipping-notes-for-stable-cashflow

#NoteSchool #EddieSpeed #RealEstate #MortgageNotes ----------------------------------------------- Brian Lauchner (00:09): So here's the question. What's better to flip a house for five grand? or to use Creative Financing and make over $200,000. Here's what we're going to dig in today, for those of you who are brand new, I want to welcome you to NoteSchoolTV. My name is Brian Lauchner. I'm on the teaching team here at NoteSchool. And I want to just first say if today it's something that you get a chuckle out of, or you learn something, or this is valuable content to you. Make sure you are liking this video, we would love for you to subscribe to this channel. And if you want to participate in these live shows, or you want to comment on these videos, make sure you're pressing the notification bell to actually alert you when we go live so that you can always jump on the stream and pop in your questions.

Brian Lauchner (00:55): Today we're going to be digging into some really great content that I think is going to be kind of mind opening. And for those of you who are kind of like, I am still unsure even what a note is or what NoteSchool is or what this stuff is you're talking about. And if you're wanting to learn a little bit more about what NoteSchool does, you can go to www.NoteSchool.com/TV. And it'll tell you a little bit more about kind of what we do, what we teach and how you can learn even more. And so today we have an incredible case study with a student who's going to kind of walk us through a really unique story that I think you could probably relate to. If you're, especially, if you're talking to sellers, if you're talking to sellers right now, this is going to sound kind of familiar.

Brian Lauchner (01:38): And this might be an opportunity that you might say, wait a minute, I've walked away from a deal just like that. And so we've got some awesome guests with us, but I also have the the power team as I call them. I've got Eddie Speed and Joe Varnadore here who are going to jump on and we're going to dig into some of this stuff so that we can get straight to the meat of it. How are you guys doing?

Eddie Speed (01:59): We are awesome.

Joe Varnadore (02:01): Are you ready? We are ready for Thanksgiving, Brian.

Eddie Speed (02:06): I wore my Thanksgiving shirt today, kinda my, you know, Fall's shirt, I'm in the spirit, and I'm excited for it.

Brian Lauchner (02:16): Yeah.

Joe Varnadore (02:16): I'd love to pick that out for him.

Eddie Speed (02:18): Martha picks out a lot for me. Yeah, for sure.

Joe Varnadore (02:22): Martha being Mrs. Speed.

Brian Lauchner (02:23): Yeah. So Eddie, tell us a little bit about, you know, you're gonna kind of tell us about the creative financing element and kind of, what's so special about what we're talking about today.

Eddie Speed (02:33): You know, this story that we're going to have today is a weekly story. It's a daily story with us. And that is the guy that we have on is now last week we had Seth and he's a Ninja, right? He buys hundreds of houses a year and Jay this week he's not that big of an operator now he's a Ninja operator. He just doesn't try to go do Ninja volume.

Eddie Speed (02:57): But he's a smart guy, very seasoned real estate investor. And I remember very well the first time he came to a class and he says, I'm doing this really well, but I feel like I'm leaving a lot of money on the table and I'm not sure which times I am leaving money on the table, in which times I'm not. And I think this was a great example of a deal that he sort of positioned it and said, you guys show me, give me some light here of how we could do this. And it's a great story, good guy. And you know, I always want NoteSchool to be an impact for it's students. And I believe that NoteSchool has been an impact for Jay.

Brian Lauchner (03:40): I love it.

Joe Varnadore (03:41): Yes, absolutely.

Brian Lauchner (03:42): Well, I think it's something that a lot of us can resonate with. I mean, it reminds me of in 2016, when I first met you Eddie, and you said Brian, you're wholesaling houses. If you just consider adding Creative Financing to your business, it could really change your business. Now I was a little we'll just say hardheaded and didn't quite get it, but I have seen the light now. Right? And I've seen the light now, Scott, I mean, clearly we've got some smarter people on the call today. And so I'll kind of hand it over to Joe and you can kind of walk us through what we're going to be talking about.

Joe Varnadore (04:15): Alright. So I want to introduce you guys to Jay Redding from Fort Wayne, Indiana. How are you, Jay?

Jay Redding (04:24): Doing fantastic Joe. Great to see you Eddie, thanks Brian.

Joe Varnadore (04:27): You look very official today with your headsets and so on, on man. I mean.

Jay Redding (04:33): It's called old ears, that's what it's called.

Joe Varnadore (04:34): Well, we've got, you know, the three older guys, then we've got our, you know, our good luck and talent up there in the top left corner right. So Jay, tell us a little bit about your deal here and just a little bit about your background as well. You came to NoteSchool, and again, Eddie said he remembered you being in class. And we did, we were in Indianapolis.

Jay Redding (05:03): Indy, Indianapolis that's right.

Joe Varnadore (05:03): You sit right on the, there was actually the class we set up in like four different sections. We had a big class and you were right there on the front row all three days, man.

Jay Redding (05:11): Yep.

Joe Varnadore (05:11): And I remember it like it was yesterday. So you were doing some rentals and you were doing some fix and flips along with your son-in-law right?

Jay Redding (05:19): That is correct. Actually we have a 45 rentals. We do about three to five retail flips a year. We buy some tax liens and we were wanting to incorporate some Seller Financing into this, looking playing more of the long-term game in gradually reducing the number of rentals over time. That's been our game plan.

Joe Varnadore (05:39): Right.

Joe Varnadore (05:40): You've been moving in that direction with the rentals as well, right?

Jay Redding (05:44): Yes we are. And so in this particular deal we purchased this property with our own capital at 37,000. All right. We scheduled about a 50,000 rehab for it.

Joe Varnadore (05:58): Right.

Jay Redding (05:59): And we're not inexperienced in doing rehabs and retail flips that type of thing. But every once in a while, and anyone that has retail or rehabbed a property, we'll find that every once in a while, you're running into a situation where the more you dig into it, the worse it gets. And that was kind of the situation on this home. So we ended up blowing our budget for 20 grand. Okay, which put us in, but we fixed everything's going to be a great, it's a great home for the new buyers, but now we're into it at about 107, a 108,000 and the retail markets are at 125, 129. And by the time you take in the realtor fees or whatever, if you're selling it on the open market, there just wasn't much juice in that strategy. There was only about five to seven on a good day, So.

Joe Varnadore (06:48): So it is a flip, the squeeze, the juice wasn't worth the squeeze was it.

Jay Redding (06:54): No. Really, it was not. Now in my previous years, I would have just took it on the chin and okay, live another day, and here we go. And we were far enough into the training here with you guys. And it's like, well, there's no better time than this to try it.

Joe Varnadore (07:10): Right.

Jay Redding (07:10): So that's what we basically did. We marketed at what we marketed at 129,900. We put the signs in the yard. We started to do the marketing on Facebook marketing marketplace, excuse me. And my tree trimmer who I've worked with for years actually contacted me. I actually asked him to do a bid for me on one of our other places. And he just asked me, do you have any houses? Cause he knows what we do.

Joe Varnadore (07:44): Right.

Jay Redding (07:44): And I said, well, yeah, we've got this one right now where we'd be willing to Seller Finance it with you so, but you got to go through underwriting. You're going to have to go through all of this, that type of stuff. And we talked good guy. But he will never qualify for a bank mortgage because his business is, he works really hard for about 10 months, 10 to 10 and a half 11 months out of the year and January and February. You just don't do too much when there's snow on the ground and snow up on the trees and everything else.

Joe Varnadore (08:16): So Jay, let me stop you right there. So this gentleman is the gentleman that we talk about at NotesSchool all the time, right.

Jay Redding (08:25): Yep, that's exactly.

Joe Varnadore (08:25): That just misbuyer, he's self-employed, he's a contractor and he's just, you know, he was just one of these guys that just couldn't go out and couldn't qualify for bank financing.

Jay Redding (08:37): Correct.

Joe Varnadore (08:37): Actually, you know, since the whole COVID thing back, you know, started several months ago. So yeah, this is our buyer. This is what we talk about. This is what we talked about with Seth last week. It's just that just misbuyer. So you talk to this guy and he says in, you went through an RML all with this guy, residential mortgage loan originator, and he was your guy, right?

Jay Redding (08:59): He really was. I mean, he had a credit score of 714 even.

Joe Varnadore (09:04): Wow.

Jay Redding (09:04): Okay. All that. So it's like and he was willing to put 18 plus down as the down payment. And so it was about 14 is down payments, about 14% of the purchase price. And it's like, okay, this is all lining up really well. And we did the full underwriting with him. It helped our renewing all right for a number of years. So he's a good professional business person and what he does. All right, good hard worker, good character. And it's like, this is perfect. So what we did, we actually went then and got a private lender. We do a lot of our business with private lenders and brought a private lender on board to be able to pull our money out of the deal.

Joe Varnadore (09:47): Right.

Jay Redding (09:47): At 80,000, All right. For 240 months for 20 years at 6%. And then we did a wrap note over top of this, to our buyer at a 30 year, 360 month at nine and a half percent. And that nets out then at 366 a month on monthly cashflow.

Joe Varnadore (10:09): For 240 months.

Jay Redding (10:10): For 240 months, and then 939 a month for the last 120 months.

Joe Varnadore (10:16): Right. So let's, let's talk about that just a second. So you had an underlying lien with with a private lender. This is the, these are those guys that we talk about every week, you know, in NoteSchool just a private lender. Who's got some capital, they could be a burnout landlord, right. We call them a BOL. Right? And you borrowed $80,000 at 6% for 240 months. And then you sold the property subject to that underlying you did, what's called a wrap around. And so you had a 240 month loan with your private lender, right. You were netting 366 a month. Right. And then after that 240th payment, the underlying lien is paid off. And then you've got that full 939 a month in cash flow for another 120 months. Plus you had the defer, you have the down payment, right?

Jay Redding (11:11): That's correct, yeah. It is $18,000 down payment. Now I applied the 18,000 directly to our debt service to be able to get out. So we would not have to borrow as much with the private lenders what we did. But I mean the cash flow is great on this. I fully anticipate this particular bar cause I just understand how he works. He'll probably pay it off early in chunks and that's fine. Okay. That's no problem at all with that. But yeah, I have essentially turned what would have probably been in my younger years, only about a five grand to seven grand profit. Now, something that's really given us long-term development of wealth over time with some of our other properties.

Joe Varnadore (11:55): To go to term, you have made over $200,000, right?

Jay Redding (11:58): That is correct. Yeah. And the other great thing is now we still had $9,000 into the deal of our own money.

Joe Varnadore (12:05): Right.

Jay Redding (12:05): Okay. In the first year, our returns at 49% alright. On the money we got into the deal. We have all of our money back in two years and it's, we got no money in the deal after that point. And so it's a, win-win, it's a win for the private lender, a win for the end buyer and it's a win for us. So it's a, it's the great way to do business.

Joe Varnadore (12:26): Well, and this is exactly the type of thing that we, you know, we teach at NoteSchool, right.

Jay Redding (12:32): Uh-huh.

Joe Varnadore (12:32): On a weekly basis. This is the type of thing that we see our students. Right. And you've, and Jay, here's one of the things that, you know, Eddie and I, and Brian talk about all the time. You're one of those guys that, you know, you, came to the class, right? You learn what we taught and then you went out and you applied it. Right.

Jay Redding (12:51): Exactly. Right. You know what, I remember Eddie talking in the first, well that's our first meeting. Okay. Was that about showing up for practice? He was making the analogy, you know, you got to show up for practice. Well, that resonated with me because I was a former division one track and field coach, you know, I get that. I understand. So that's why I show up for practice every day, right?

Joe Varnadore (13:14): Jay you didn't say it quite, right?

Jay Redding (13:15): Okay.

Joe Varnadore (13:15): Jay, Jay you gotta show up for practice.

Jay Redding (13:20): You gotta show up for practice, there you go.

Joe Varnadore (13:20): Let's put in Eddie on right now that we've kind of poked him a little bit. So let's bring Eddie on and let's talk to Eddie a minute about this deal.

Eddie Speed (13:33): Oh yes. So Joe and those guys, Jay, you know, they never missed an opportunity, but apparently they think I have a Southern accent.

Jay Redding (13:39): Some type of an accent.

Joe Varnadore (13:41): I have one too. So.

Eddie Speed (13:46): Jay, I would say that there were a couple of puzzle pieces here that I just wanted to point out that you utilized, okay. I say this all the time and a lot of people around the real estate investing business, I don't think really get this, but you now really get this.

Jay Redding (14:04): Yes, very much. So.

Eddie Speed (14:05): You borrowed $80,000 from what would have been a prior landlord. They have money. They just don't want to be a landlord. They don't want that second job. They want to be just the bank. And so you positioned this deal very well and showed a private lender, how they could loan you $80,000 and Get a 6% true interest on their investment every year or interest on their loan. And by the way, if I'm listening correctly, you immediately gave him 18,000 from the down payment money. And so now they only, they only had 60,000 out, not 80,000 out.

Jay Redding (14:44): That's not true. Cause I used the 18,000 to only borrow, cause we were into this at 107.

Eddie Speed (14:50): Okay, I got it.

Jay Redding (14:50): Okay.

Eddie Speed (14:52): So they loaned you 80,000. And so that puzzle piece was you used long term, low rate money. People talk about private capital all the time. And I sort of think that they are not talking about the same private capital that we talk about.

Jay Redding (15:06): Right.

Eddie Speed (15:06): Right. Some people think going to the real estate investor meeting and getting 10% money is getting private capital. That's what I that's pawn shop money. What you borrowed was not pawn shop money. Right? That was one significant puzzle piece. This all can be done, but people have to have develop a mindset of understanding. There is that guy that needs to get his money out. Right? So you did a great job of finding that private capital. Once you structured the financing with the low cost money in place, then reselling, it really wasn't automatic. Now you happen to sell it to a guy that you knew.

Eddie Speed (15:47): And definitely, I agree with Joe, he was that penalty box buyer. I have a high volume real estate investor that I was talking to yesterday, guy that you hear on the deal labs, Jay. And he said that he just finished a Refi, he's got perfect credit. He had perfect income. And he said, he just finished a Refi on a rent house. And he said, it took him over three months. And he said, I went through the most hoops I've ever gone through in my career. And I said, and understand that this is the direction the market is going. Real estate is on fire right now, but mortgage lending has tightened their criteria drastically. But Jay, think about this. That guy is a perfect buyer. The mortgage industry is not going to make him a loan and left him behind. You got to provide, you provided home ownership to a guy and now he owns a home because you had the vision of offering Creative Financing to him.

Jay Redding (16:46): Uh-huh. very much.

Joe Varnadore (16:47): And Jay, here's the cool thing about it. You know we talk about this all the time. You became the bank.

Jay Redding (16:57): I did.

Joe Varnadore (16:57): You're the bank. You put cashflow, you borrowed at one, right. When you deposit your money in the bank and then they reloan it up and they're happy with that spread. Right. They call it arbitrage, right?

Jay Redding (17:07): Arbitrage Yes. I'm happy with that arbitrage. Well then the other thing, the other thing is, you know, from the private lenders aspect, all right. He's really well secured in this. I mean, his loan to value is only 62%.

Eddie Speed (17:22): Yeah.

Jay Redding (17:22): Okay. And the end loan, the end buyer loan is at 84% and it's like, yeah, those are good all the way around, So.

Eddie Speed (17:31): You know, people Jay all times will think that that kind of a down payment is kind of a fluke. You can't do that.

Jay Redding (17:39): Well, we've done it multiple times now.

Eddie Speed (17:42): You know, statistically last month, according there's a software that tracks all conventional mortgages that are made called Ellie Mae. They did a statistic. And the average down payment for a Fannie Mae Freddie Mac loan last month was 19% cash down. So it just starts showing us that when we believe it, then all of a sudden we can live it, right. The market is what the market is, but sometimes we don't believe the market, you know, and I was listening to the, of course, we got the firm joy of living your case study, you know, as you were developing it. And then of course you presented that to an internal audience here, not too long ago with NoteSchool. And we were excited to bring you on NoteSchoolTV today, because let me tell you something you, and I know that you may not do the most volume real estate investing or in your region of the country.

Jay Redding (18:44): True.

Eddie Speed (18:46): But I don't believe there's a lot of real estate investors knocking down $200,000 profit on a deal in your region very often, right?

Jay Redding (18:56): Not at our price points. That's correct. We're not in the, you know, 250, $300,000 price points that are in other parts of the country,

Eddie Speed (19:07): You made 200 grand on $120,000 house.

Jay Redding (19:12): Yeah.

Eddie Speed (19:12): Here's what I think's important. That we, I hear the people always like to say, he's a house buyer and he does so many deals a year. That's kind of like your intro, right? This guy's a house buyer and it does so many deals a year. And you can just smile and look back and say, I'm a house buyer. And I don't focus on volume. I focus on profit.

Jay Redding (19:34): Exactly.

Joe Varnadore (19:36): Amen.

Jay Redding (19:37): I like to set it up and be done for the next 20 years.

Eddie Speed (19:41): What, you heard of my father-in-law, you know, he was old southern gentleman from Hattiesburg, Mississippi. And when I first started with him this is 40 years ago, when he first started teaching me the business, he leaned over there and he had a pair of reading glasses on the end of his nose, there's like a million miles from the top of his head to those reading glasses. He looked down those reading glasses and he's talk in this real Southern accent. And he'd say, you'll get a check for forever.

Jay Redding (20:08): And you know, the great thing is on this. You know, it fits right into what we're already doing. You know, we're doing three to five retail flips a year. We create three to five of these. I mean, it's not long too. That's a very sizable chunk that's passing through on a monthly basis. So yeah, it's pretty much our new model for our retail flips. Now let's put it that way.

Eddie Speed (20:29): That's great. Jay, we are thrilled to have you thank you for coming on and sharing your story. You know, I tell our students all the time and I really do mean this. The power of your story helps somebody else get the vision that they can do this too.

Joe Varnadore (20:45): Right.

Jay Redding (20:47): Yeah. So, my pleasure. Thank you.

Joe Varnadore (20:49): Good to see you, Jay.

Joe Varnadore (20:50): Good to see you Jay, happy Thanksgiving to you and the family. Let your son-in-law know, we asked about him.

Joe Varnadore (20:56): All right. Sounds good, certainly will.

Joe Varnadore (20:58): Thank you,

Eddie Speed (20:58): Thank you buddy.

Eddie Speed (21:00): Well, let's bring Brian on. And what do you think of that, Brian?

Brian Lauchner (21:05): You know, there was a couple of things that stood out to me that I think are kind of interesting. The first one is there's a lot of people out there in their market right now who feel like man, I'm in this competitive market. There's not a lot of deals. The deals that I see, there's just not much meat on the bone. And that was essentially the exact same situation. He was left in where man, I got this flip. There's not much meat on the bone. Am I stuck? Do I become, what's called what I call an accidental landlord where I just like, I guess I'm going to own it forever as a rental property, but by having this additional play, he now had access to more inventory. There's more, you know, marginal deals out there.

Brian Lauchner (21:42): He could always go get if you wanted to, I guess, but it shows that inventory really may not be the problem just because you're in this super competitive marketplace. And there's these deals that seem marginal that by adding Creative Financing to it and buying something on terms or being able to resell it on terms, you create your own margin, you create your own profit. And so it just, it's a really eye-opening thing for me. And I think for a lot of other investors as well, it'd be like, well actually, maybe I do see deals like this. Right? And the other piece that I thought was really fascinating was, you know, the raising capital piece, I talked to so many investors, especially, especially when they're new, they say, well, man, I, where do you find private money? Who's going to loan me private money.

Brian Lauchner (22:25): And the reality is money goes to good deals, of course. But what was really fascinating is he thought in terms of, what would, what would make the bank, the bank, the private lender, the burn-out landlord, give me his money. Well, I'm going to give him something that he gets a return on investment, right? In this case, it was, you know, under 8%, which is great. But more importantly, he said, how do I get it down? How do I get that number down to the 6%? Well, I'm going to lower his risk. The lower, his risk goes the lower my chance of getting a lower interest rate. Right? And so by moving the loan to value from 80% loan to value to 70% to 62%, I think he said it really started to incentivize the lender to say, okay, I know I'm going to get my money back. I feel pretty good about this. I'm okay with taking that 6% because you're not asking me to put it into a hard money deal to where yeah. I can get 10%, but who knows if this house is ever going to get flipped or ever gets sold. Right?

Joe Varnadore (23:20): You know, you gotta go out and find somebody to reinvest to borrow money again from you in three months or six months or nine months, whatever it is.

Brian Lauchner (23:28): Yeah, exactly.

Eddie Speed (23:28): Well, and once again, he gave a burnout landlord, a chance to get their money deployed and earn an interest rate and, No, they're not going to get an invoice for the air conditioner or whatever. They already, they don't have a tolerance for that kind of investment anymore. Just making a loan Was great. I'm going to remind you guys, this case study, there was no Seller Financing when he bought it involved. A lot of our case studies will be involved where the seller carried all of the financing when you buy it. And in this case, the seller walked away with cash and it was a big rehab project. So there was a lot of things about this deal that are different than some other case studies where the seller carried a lot of the financing when he bought it. In this case, the seller got all cash and didn't carry any financing. Other thing about this is, is Jay had been investing in properties for years. And I think a lot of times, you know, Brian, you look at yourself, you were a full-time wholesaler for years and really were just sort of resisting. I'm going to this Creative Financing is not really what I need to do. And it's just funny. So I would, as an encouragement, I would say, if you've been doing this for years, and you're not where you want to be, then, then consider what Brian has figured out and consider what Jay has now figured out. And if you're young and you haven't been through all the pain and aggravation that Brian has, or Jay has, then why don't you figure out earlier than they did, how to add this to your business.

Brian Lauchner (25:03): Yeah. And some of us don't, even when Eddie speed himself says, you shouldn't really be doing this, but it is kind of interesting because my fear and maybe your fear is that you have to give up your money today. Like, Oh, well, you know, Jay's going to make all this money in the long term, but I got bills to pay. I got, you know, and that was one of my fears. And if you'll go back and watch last week's episode of NoteSchoolTV, you'll see that you can make some money today and it's not a problem. Right. And so if you're interested in kind of what was created today by Jay, if you're trying to learn a little bit more about notes, or maybe you just want to understand the note piece of it. Right? and just understand, I don't really talk to sellers.

Brian Lauchner (25:44): I just want to understand the note piece. Well, I would encourage you while you're on the YouTube channel, go to the playlist called Feeding Frenzy Friday, where we break down a note asset from Notes Direct each week, talking about the pros and the cons and some of the due diligence with that note to find out, Hey, is this a great note or is this a bad note? And what's kind of my exit strategy. As always, we'll be here every single Wednesday at 11:00 AM live central time to kind of talk a little bit more and try to bring some value to you and to your investment business and encourage you to, again, please like the video we'd really love for you to subscribe to the channel. It means a lot to us. We love to get the engagement, so make sure you're clicking that bell notification to get involved. And again, if you're like, this is cool. How do I learn more than just watching one video? Well, again, subscribe to the channel, but also you could go to www.NoteSchool.com/TV, and learn a little bit more about some of the content that we have and some other videos that we'll try to point you in the right direction. So we really appreciate you coming on this week. We will plan on seeing you next week. And again, we'll see you on NoteSchoolTV. See you next week.