#record reviews

[musicmags]

[buddyhead]

Benefits - "Nails" - record review

Benefits

“Nails”

Invada Records

Finally a band for the times! True underdog music that's based modern outsider agitator punk. I’ve been following these blokes for a bit now, ever since Steve Albini tweeted to check em out in fact, and I fucking love em! It’s been super cool to watch them do everything themselves - from recording and releasing singles to making their music videos and promoting their shows but I was pretty excited to hear what they would do with their first proper full length. And I gotta say, this debut album from Benefits (that’s out on Geoff Barrow of Portishead’s label) does not disappoint one bit! It’s heavy, loud, aggressive, angry, poetic, dissonant, raw, intelligent, exciting, political, and class concious. I see them get compared to Sleaford Mods a lot but in my opinion they run circles around that group. They don’t fit neatly in one genre as there’s elements of hardcore, punk and noise with trickles of trip hop and no wave. And at times it could even be labeled as performance art. Over the course of this record’s 35-minute runtime frontman Kingsley Hall sings, screams, spits and rants about the Empire, shit Britain, poverty, nationalism, steakheads, housing, racism, silver spoons, privelage, wars and apathy. We need more bands that don’t been the knee for the monarchy. This is your summer soundtrack to build your guillotine to.

Axl Rose gives this record a KILLER rating:

Order an LP direct from Benefit's bandcamp.

[damianmann]

Check out the first of many vinyl record reviews from me, your host of "A Constant Barrage" radio and media

[hallowpen]

I figured I might as well make this a little blog series, since there will be more to address in upcoming episodes.

Before we dive into the nitty gritty... I really want to acknowledge the production value of The Loyal Pin and all the hard work that went into making it. The characters, the sets, the wardrobe, the dialect... everything was an honest representation of a historically accurate period drama. The first episode was perfectly curated to establish the series' universe. I was really impressed with Becky in particular because I've been following her since GAP, and I know how much she struggled with reacquainting herself to the language when she moved back home to Thailand from New Zealand. To have the added pressure of maintaining a period accurate dialect was not easy for her. Freen has proudly commented on how hard Becky worked to really learn the script... and it shows. Well done, Bec Bec!!!

Let's Talk Thai Culture...

We'll start off by breaking down Thai Royal Language Terminology (คำราชาศัพท์)

The Savettavarit Royal House Consists of 1) His Royal Highness, The Prince Thai Royal Title: พระองค์ชาย (pronounced phra-ong chai) reserved for direct male descendants of the king

2) Her Serene Highness, Princess Alisa Thai Royal Title: หม่อมเจ้าหญิง (pronounced mom-jao ying) a non-inherited title for being the wife of a prince (abbr. M.C.)

3) His Serene Highness, Prince Anantavut Thai Royal Title: หม่อมเจ้าชาย (pronounced mom-jao chai) a title for male children of a prince, meaning secondary prince (abbr. M.C.)

4) His Serene Highness, Prince Anon Thai Royal Title: หม่อมเจ้าชาย (pronounced mom-jao chai) a title for male children of a prince, meaning secondary prince (abbr. M.C.)

5) Her Serene Highness, Princess Anilaphat Thai Royal Title: หม่อมเจ้าหญิง (pronounced mom-jao ying) a title for female children of a prince, meaning secondary princess (abbr. M.C.)

The Kasidit Noble Family Consists of 1) Her Serene Highness, Princess Pattamika Thai Royal Title: หม่อมเจ้าหญิง (pronounced mom-jao ying) a non-inherited title for being the 'adopted' sister of the prince (abbr. M.C.)

2) Lady Pilanthita Thai Noble Title: หม่อมราชวงศ์ (pronounced mom rat-cha-wong) a title assumed by 'commoner' children of หม่อมเจ้า (M.C.), meaning their ancestry can be traced back to a king (abbr. M.R.) The Common Address: You'll hear certain characters use the term ท่าน (pronounced than). It is the formal address between members of royalty/nobility to acknowledge certain members of higher rank. It essentially means "Your Highness". For example, regarding Princess Pattamika, Pin addresses her 'adoptive' mother (f.) as ท่านหญิง (than ying) and Anil refers to her 'aunt' as ท่านอา (than ah*). *อา (ah) is how one would refer to their father's younger sibling

Another term you might have heard was เพคะ (pronounced phe-kha). It is less formal and used to express familiarity. Both Prik and Lady Pin use this response to address Princess Anil as "Your Highness". Princess Alisa can also be heard using this phrase in conversation with, and to respond to, her husband.

She is considered a Noble 'Commoner', so Lady Pin would be formally addressed as คุณหญิง (khun ying) given her title. However, Pin is depicted as being more reserved and adherent to social structure. This is very telling of her social class amongst the higher ranking royal family who took her in. Pin has a lot more to lose than Anil should she stray from class expectations, and they did a wonderful job establishing that in the first episode. (I'm sure this will come into play even more as the characters age up... and I'm very much looking forward to it.)

Lower ranked servants/attendants (บ่าว - bao) can be heard using the term เจ้า (jao) to indicate their showing of respect when addressing someone of superior status.

Pronunciation and Formality: Without even knowing the Thai language, you might have noticed that the characters heavily enunciate their dialect when speaking. It's an accurate depiction of a "prim" and "proper" royal family. Even how Anil addresses her two brothers is very formal: พี่ชายรอง (meaning second eldest brother) and พี่ชายใหญ่ (meaning eldest brother). If you're going to do a period drama... this is how it's done!!!

Should we discuss the Thai dishes highlighted in this episode? ...Why not?

สองมาลีลอยแก้ว (pronounced song mali loy kaew) is a Thai dessert comprised of watermelon and mamuang dong (มะม่วงดอง - pickled mangoes). The fruit is carved into floral shapes and arranged to "float" in sugar syrup with ice, hence its name... which literally translates to 'Two Flowers Floating in Glass'.

นำ้ปลาหวาน (pronounced nam pla whan) is a Thai dipping sauce comprised of palm sugar, fermented fish sauce, shallots and chili. It's usually paired with firm and tart fruits... like green mangoes. (It's an acquired taste hehe)

The last thing I wanted to mention are Thai night markets and fairs (ตลาดกลางคืน). They are still hugely popular for social outings and, like the series has shown, are comprised of various stalls offering street food, clothes, accessories, attractions, etc. They're very popular amongst tourists, as well.

I hope this wasn't too overwhelming with information... but I just wanted to be as thorough as possible because this series is shaping up to be, what is essentially, a love letter to Thai tradition.

[ekingston]

| By Way of Wit | rated M | COMPLETE |

The jury summons arrives on a Friday.

“You have to get yourself disqualified,” Alex says.

Kara frowns. “What about my civic duty?”

Her sister ignores her. She’s on her phone, already finding her an out. “Your occupation should qualify you for an exemption,” she discovers. “It says here, if you’re full-time military, or a firefighter, or a cop—”

Kara holds the letter up for Alex to read. “They didn’t summon Supergirl,” she says. “They summoned Kara Danvers, freelance food critic and full-time reporter.”

-

In which no one escapes jury duty, not even superheroes and celebrity CEOs, and when Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor end up in sequestration, well—the defense submits that there's more than one type of civic service.

[forgetme-eternally-blissfully]

Choi Han sees a weird stick in Cale’s hair.

“Oh, wait Cale-nim, let me…” With the slight height advantage, Cale doesn’t actually have a choice but to let the swordmaster do as he wishes.

For moment he fiddles around, trying to grab the elusive, tangled object, when he suddenly feels Cale lean into his hand. He watches with bated breath as Cale closes his eyes.

(‘Ah, I’m so tired that I’m leaning on Choi Han. Aigoo, he must think I’m pathetic.)

Choi Han spends another minute to get the stick out, claiming that it was particularly stuck in his long hair. He burns this memory into his mind while also promising to never tell another soul.

Eruhaben is next. He notices the red head’s soft locks, freshly washed and neatly air-dried with magic. As a dragon, he doesn’t think twice about the temptation, standing from his spot on the couch to test if Cale’s hair is even half as soft as it appears to be.

It is, he learns.

(Cale shivers. Is Eruhaben threatening him? Just in case, Cale bows his head to hide his fearful expression.)

The dragon watches with amusement, thinking that it’s only natural to offer one’s head to a dragon as powerful as him. Until he feels Cale almost… press into his palm absentmindedly. Eruhaben vividly feels the exact moment that his heart melts into a puddle of affection.

He definitely will use this against the bastard next time he has the opportunity.

Oddly, On and Hong figure it out next. Cale is sitting in his usual chair, reading a book with his hair falling into his face picturesquely. On recalls when Rosalyn did her hair up with a pretty pin, making it easy to move around without getting in her face.

On considers if Cale would mind On experimenting a little, immediately coming to the conclusion that he wouldn’t give two shits.

She transforms into her human form and moves behind the chair. Of course, Cale doesn’t bat an eye at her unusual movements. When she gathers his hair up in her hands, he doesn’t miss a beat, leaning back to give her better access. He only changes the angle of his book so he can still read. Hong observes his sister from Cale’s lap with curiosity.

Her upbeat attitude is ruined quickly because she doesn’t know how to braid nor tie up hair, and is missing the necessary bows and pins to do it in the first place. She runs her fingers through his vibrant red hair as she tries to remember what Rosalyn did.

Hong’s eyes go wide. Cale had stopped reading as his sister continued her ministrations, closing his eyes and leaning back, relaxing into his seat. Hong urgently signals for his sister to witness this.

Her eyes narrow in on the sight with a calculating gaze. She changes the way her hands run through his hair, simply running her fingers through and carefully untangling it instead. Cale’s face gradually loses its constant pinch.

(‘Yes, the children should do whatever they want, even play with my hair.’ Cale internally nods to himself.)

On, unlike Choi Han or Eruhaben, tests her limits. She continues her gentle pattern without pausing. After a few minutes, both of the cats hear Cale’s breathing taper away into a relaxed rhythm. On silently makes eye contact with her brother, and they make a secret promise to not make a big deal about this, lest this trick never work again.

They hear Ron before he enters the room and On casually returns to her car form, stealthily and softly landing on Cale’s lap. Ron enters, pausing at the sight of his puppy young master.

Smiling benignly, he darkly assumes that Cale had been so exhausted that he managed to fall asleep in the middle of reading.

On and Hong don’t correct him.

If Cale has an especially bitter lemon tea that night, he doesn’t make a big deal about it. Not when the crown prince calls him soon after it arrives.

He arrives at the palace where the Crown Prince learns of this spreading secret. Cale uses his superior glib tongue to force a frown on Alberu’s exhausted expression, and the exasperated hyung sighs, walking around to the couch where his dongaeng is sprawled. He places a hand on his shoulder, threatening Cale with a high political position if he doesn’t stop doing dangerous things and causing trouble.

Cale shudders and agrees. Alberu smiles at this, his hand moving to ruffle his adorable dongsaeng’s hair.

(Cale sighs, closing his eyes and humoring his affectionate hyung. He leans back, questioning why everyone has been so touchy lately.)

Alberu feels his heart stop and stutter at the fragile sight. Cale looks completely at ease, slumped in the couch cushions and pressing his head into Alberu’s palm like a cat. His lip is quirked up slightly, but Alberu would bet a golden plaque that Cale hasn’t a single idea on what he looks like right now, otherwise he wouldn’t be even half as relaxed as he is right now.

He resembles a lazy cat. He’s being pet whilst lounging, with a content and pleased expression edging on his face. If this goes on long enough, Cale might even fall asleep.

Alberu continues talking without letting his smile leak through into his words, stroking the top of Cale’s head in an absent minded motion.

(Cale ignores the sneaking chill on the back of his neck, too focused on Alberu’s words about the kingdom. The petting is a bit strange, but Alberu is the crown prince, so he’ll allow it.)

As predicted, Cale doesn’t mention it.

After a minute though, Cale starts to frown, beginning to acknowledge the feeling that he’s being scammed somehow.

“Hyung, do you have a headache?”

Alberu acts like a polite and caring hyung, starting to massage Cale’s head.

(Cale frowns more. Something is definitely going on.)

Cale opens his eyes, protesting. “Your highness, my health is perfect at the moment. You, our shining sun, couldn’t possibly-“ Alberu changes from massaging to running his fingers through Cale’s hair.

(Cale sighs, cutting off. It was just a ploy to play with Cale’s hair. He should’ve expected his highness to scam him in this way too.)

Alberu grins when Cale stops talking, looking resigned to his fate. He goes completely limp, and Alberu’s blunt fingernails scratch against Cale’s scalp gently. Cale visibly shudders at the feeling.

(‘Too scary, what if he scratches and draws blood? If Raon finds out, he’s going to feed me soggy apple pie…’)

Alberu preens at finding Cale’s weakness.

On slyly asks Rosalyn to do up Cale’s hair one day- as an experiment- and is extremely pleased when Cale not only agrees, but he closes his eyes and falls asleep soon after the Mage is done gently tugging his hair into place and adorning it with intricate pins and accessories. Choi Han walks in on this scene and threatens Rosalyn to keep it a secret (after melting a bit on the inside). She agrees with a sly smile.

If only Cale knew how everyone was going to use this to scam him in the future…

Eventually the misconception that Cale likes to have his hair played with goes around the entire group. Cale- of course- is completely clueless. He just thinks that everyone suddenly became obsessed with his hair.

Ron is the only one who can’t get Cale to relax. Even Bud somewhat managed it, but Cale stays vigilant no matter what his old butler does. Ron finds his puppy young master to be amusing.

Cale really doesn’t understand what they want with his hair. Do they want his hair?

(He asks Ron for a trim a few days later. Ron only cuts off the dead ends and leaves it neat but long, much to the young masters displeasure.)

[yukipri]

HOLY FUCK. What a movie. Just what a movie. Holy fuck

(Or, it was incredible. Absolutely blew my socks off. Please go and see it. You do not need to have watched anything else in the franchise, it's completely standalone (though it very much retains much of the symbolism of the original and other films). Especially go see it if you like kaiju films. But it was such a good film about humanity and hope. Just incredible. Go and see it.)

[the---hermit]

Only Dull People Are Brilliant At Breakfast by Oscar Wilde

I read this collection of quotes a couple of years ago, and ever since I have wanted a physical copy of this book. I decided it was finally time to get one and have a reread. I love Wilde and this collection of quotes feels a lot like a trip into his brain, it got me really motivated to finally pick up The Ballad Of Reading Gaol.

[abybweisse]

Ch209 (p4), The queen of tragedy

⚠️ Long post ⚠️

You might be wondering where that heading comes from. I'll get to that in a bit....

So, we are back to recent events, where Finny and Doll fight over Snake, each one claiming the other is the enemy. Both parties are involved in deception; he wonders why they helped him but lied the entire time. Out of the circus troupe, he seems to have been closest to Doll, and she never told him the truth about the circus. He also becomes particularly close to Finny, who immediately likes his snakes, but Finny doesn't inform him about the true fates of his circus friends. Then there're our earl and Sebastian, who lead him to believe the circus members are still alive and just on the lamb.

Why would the people closest to him all lie to him?

Then we get a couple scenes before his and Finny's assignment begins.

But this flashback switches from what Snake is recalling... to what a reaper is reviewing. Born March 15 -- the Ides of March -- to an actress named Sarah Kemble. More on her at the end. Death on December 9, 1889, from blood loss.

The expression on this (new to us!) reaper's face makes me wonder what he's thinking. He says "no additional remarks", but I believe he's thinking some additional thoughts.

He must realize there's something odd about Doll, who is holding Snake's body and grieving over him. Doesn't he realize she's a bizarre doll? Has he not taken note of the blood transfusion equipment in the room down the hall? What about all the veins popping up all over her body? Hasn't he been informed about the search for Undertaker and his moving corpses?

Does he not yet have info from Othello regarding Layla/Al? We have to keep in mind that this is all probably happening around the same time that Ronald and William are taking Layla/Al into custody, so this reaper might not be fully informed and so might not know what all signs to look for.

Besides, Ronald is sent to Norfolk ahead of the impending deaths, because there was word a bizarre doll is stationed there. He just has to figure out which person it is. Ronald can't tell who the bizarre doll is just by looking, so he has to wait and see who starts acting like one.

This reaper apparently isn't sent to investigate FOL Orphanage, suggesting HQ didn't have similar intelligence regarding a bizarre doll there. If he's not looking for one, he might not bother to take much notice of Doll's appearance or the medical equipment.

Everything is happening at about the same time:

Mey-Rin and Ran-Mao are heading to their next meeting spot while Polaris makes his report to real Ciel and Undertaker. Heathfield is arrested, and the legal investigation there is still underway.

Ronald and William are dealing with Layla/Al, with the intention of taking her back to HQ for examination. Baldo, Lau, and the others are still planning their getaway; they have not yet escaped the sanatorium.

Othello is probably at HQ, working out the finer details of the transfusion machine he has just recently confiscated from the underground facility at Bath. Beyond that, the dove he sent back to HQ might be the only call for help he's requested to deal with Undertaker.

And this reaper is (as far as I can tell) just responding to the assigned task of collecting souls from Snake, Susan, and the head matron. He really might not be in the loop about Undertaker and his moving corpses... just yet.

This gives an easy setup for him to go about business as usual and leave Doll to her grieving. If he doesn't confront her and just leaves, she can ask Undertaker to turn Snake into a bizarre doll -- even if it's just to be her companion. Undertaker would see old goals of revenge in Snake's cinematic records and could potentially turn him against the Phantomhives, through creation of his "episodes" by cherry-picking the memories and goals that would compel him to seek that revenge again. If that happens, we could get Snake confronting our earl and Sebastian... where Sebastian fulfills the implied threat he makes (to Baldo, about any servant who turns against their master) in ch51.

So, there's that.

Then we have a couple other things to discuss: the current date and Snake's mother.

It's December 9, 1889. This works great with my Mother3 theory, which states the contract should end before our earl is officially 14 years old. December 13, 1889 is the eve of that birthday, and it's also a Friday the 13th. This is highly symbolic because of when his father is born and when his paternal grandmother dies. I'm sure there are absolutely zero coincidences in this.

We will go back a few days (again) for the start of our earl's and Sebastian's assignment in Brighton, then we will catch up to December 9th with them. During this time and soon after, they will receive word about the other three assignments, as word trickles in. Or perhaps they are bombarded with all the reports in quick succession. Then we've got another four days for them to finish not just their own assignment but also their contract. Perhaps their assignment finishes around the same time as the others. If so, they have three or four more days to address whatever they have learned.

Now onto Snake's mother. She's based on a real person, or a combination of a few people in a notable family. My own initial research pulled up a Fanny Kemble, who was a British actress who lived in this time period but was too old to be Snake's mother. She bore a daughter named Sarah (Kemble) Butler, but Sarah wasn't an actress. Fanny was well known as a former actress and an abolitionist -- who separated from her husband (Butler), partly over disagreement about slavery -- and returned to the stage, where she renewed her focus on the works of William Shakespeare... performing public readings of his plays.

Discussing the chapter in Discord, I got word -- from @mjmj2994 -- about a Sarah (Kemble) Siddons who was an actress, though she was from the mid-18th to early 19th century. Her mother was also a Sarah Kemble. Turns out that Sarah Siddons (née and a.k.a. Sarah Kemble) was an aunt to the Fanny Kemble I'd found! Small world, eh? Anyway, Sarah Kemble/Siddons (wiki article here) became known as the "queen of tragedy" for her portrayal of Lady Macbeth and other Shakespearean tragic characters -- including numerous cross-dress performances as Hamlet himself. Even though Yana-san would have to change the timeline to fit our Sarah Kemble, this is most likely the historical reference for her. Here's more information about the Kemble family line and their extensive involvement with the acting industry.

Our Snake comes from an esteemed family of actors, and I suppose we are to assume he's an issue who was so quickly covered up and forgotten that he was perhaps never even named. Who was his true father? And how did he come to have such strong snake-like traits? We might never know.

Now we wait to see if this reaper does anything about Doll. And then onto our earl and Sebastian in Brighton!

[ingravinoveritas]

It’s finally Nye day! ❤️ At the interval now and I’ve already cried and laughed more than I imagined possible. Will write a full post with all of my thoughts at some point soon…

[mahou-furbies]

Closing thoughts on Magia Record Scene 0

Scene 0 has finally ended! Or the translation I've been following has been completed. To those who don't know, it tells the Madoka Magica story, but the point of view of a new character Mabayu, who for some reason keeps her memory through Homura's time loops and can move while time is stopped. And since we all know how the Madoka plot goes (right?), the main story here is the mystery of Mabayu having lost her memory of why she is already a magical girl.

(spoilers)

First things first, the whole premise conflicts with what I think is one of the core points of the Madoka Magica drama, that is, how Homura had to do her thankless time looping job all alone and became increasingly isolated because of it. But here it's "revealed" that she had a buddy all along, with whom she became very close friends and who is eventually cast as the reason why Homura is able to keep going on in the first place. The whole thing considerably waters down her devotion to Madoka, when most of the story is about how she bonds with Mabayu. And then there's also the inherent awkwardness of inserting a brand new nobody to the story you already know, to whom the characters you've known for a decade become the side cast.

Then again, that is the premise, so you just have to make peace with it if you want to enjoy the story at all. And in fact I like Mabayu a lot, so I'll take it, though I'll have to consider everything a non-canon super AU (even within the canon's actual AUs). There was also the other problem though that some of the stuff was kind of fanservicey, and not in the horny way but in the superficial "let's put the whole cast in maid outfits for no particular reason" way. But I was a fan of some of it, like Nagisa being un-witched in one time loop, so fine.

I don't know how much this is about what the story actually is and how much should be blamed on me not paying enough attention, but in the end I think there's still plenty of holes in the story. Like we learned how Mabayu became a magical girl and what how her personal magic power works, but I didn't understand how her memory doesn't reset through the time loops and why she can move when Homura stops the time. Also the way she erased other characters' memories was inconsistent, she had to cut Sayaka's memory all over again in each loop, but when she cut Mami's, the effect was carried to the next loop. And I guess it was explained how the final resolution worked (duh) but I don't think I quite understood.

That's a lot of complaints but I did have a decent time with this actually, and that is because I really like Mabayu. She's the kind of character I'd really like to see more in magical girl stories: low energy, kind of lazy and self serving, passive and loner but not in an edgy way, and it was interesting to see her grow to be more heroic. She also has a lovely voice, and it turns out the same actor also did Ha-chan whose voice is also great. She also had really good dynamics with the main cast, and I especially like growing friendship between her and Homura, they had good banter with Homura being super serious all the time, and their growing friendship was touching. And she had some interesting stuff going on with Sayaka and Mami too.

And while I complained about the whole premise being about rewriting canon, I also think there were some worthwhile additions. For example in this version Mami used to recruit other girls to become magical girls with Mabayu, and the guilt from that is a major reason for her breakdown when she learns the truth about witches. On one hand I prefer the version of a seemingly strong character actually being weak and emotionally unstable, like she's been through a lot and doesn't need a more noble reason for her breakdown, but I think the Scene 0 version is also interesting.

Ultimately the ending left me somewhat sour with how inconclusive it was. Mabayu cut herself from everyone's memories (including her own), but it feels like there's a ton of stuff about her that's not resolved. Like she's still able to move during Homura's stopped time and doesn't understand why, she's still a magical girl even if she doesn't remember it, becoming friends with Mami again doesn't lead much anywhere if she's going to die to Charlotte in a few days… If the idea is the bittersweet knowledge that Mabayu made a difference in the Homura-Madoka story but nobody can remember it, it doesn't work for me since I didn't really get what her contribution was. Or I guess it was pretty clear how important Mabayu's presence was for keeping Homura sane through all the failed time loops but that was like my number one issue with the premise, so maybe I'm just incompatible with the whole story to begin with.

Still I had a good time following this as the translations came out, I was eager to see where the plot would go and watching a short video every few days didn't require that much from me. Though I do think the story was too long for its own good and especially the early loops could have been condensed.

[starbuck]

me, after watching a highly acclaimed film which won many awards: ah well, we can’t all be ravenous (1999)…

[buddyhead]

Return Of The Axl Rose Rating System

The Fantastical Return Of The W. Axl Rose Rating System For Record Reviews!

Due to an overwhelming popular demand Buddyhead is back reviewing records! And due to the fact that we’re a one-trick pony over here plus the number of new amazing Axl photos available on the internet, the infamous Axl Rose rating system is back as well! Buddyhead certainly couldn’t be any happier to have ol’ Billy Bruce Rose back on staff nuking all the posers out there as well as handing out congratulations when needed! This new rating system will be how Buddyhead will “grade” all of the future record reviews from now on so study the images and their descriptions below so that you know what the score is when you see an Axl icons on the reviews. So, without further ado, here are the new and improved “Axl Ratings” and how they break down…

Let’s fucking gooo!

-Buddyhead

If you’d like your record reviewed send a vinyl copy to Buddyhead 106 1/2 judge john aiso st. #413 • los angeles, ca 90012

(Legendary)

This album is legendary! It’s pretty much perfect and prefect records remind Axl of that time when he was just vibing with a dolphin at the end of the “Estranged” music video, which was right after the dolphins swam down Sunset Blvd past The Rainbow and then he just jumped off an oil tanker to swim with em’. Good times! This record transports him back to when his music video budgets were like $4 million bucks and Converse was making him custom AXL shoes. In fact Axl likes this album so much he’s actually gonna put this one right up there next to his own masterpiece, “Appetite For Destruction”. Do you know where the fuck you are?!?!?!? You’re in jungle the chilling with dolphins baby! You’re gonna diiiiiiiieeeeeeee!!!! Haha oh hell yeah!

2. (Killer)

In Axl’s opinion this album is pretty fucking killer! Kinda like how it’s pretty fucking killer that his boys Duff and Slash are finally back in the band again. Sure this could of and should of happened decades ago and now everyone’s gotta pretend to care about playing “Chinese Democracy” songs but it better than never at all. Listening to this record makes Axl forget all that tho and feel as if he’s back in his glory days between "Appetite" and "Lies", when all of his hair was actually his, Metallica fucking opened up for him and he could still pull off those killer loose mesh shirts, tight as fuck spandex bike shorts and catchers gear. Back when the worst thing people would ask was “Where’s Izzy?” Better times indeed my dudes.

3. (Pretty dope)

Axl is totally amped on this album cuz it’s giving off a vibe that reminds him of time he wore a purple sports coat to some dinner party didn’t really wanna attend and he ended up having a great time bombed out of his mind in the basement, holding a massive lobster and telling tour stories to bunch of eager normies. Sure Slash wasn’t there and neither was Duff, Izzy or Popcorn but he did have those squares on the edges of their seats. They were nestled firmly in the palm of his hand and just hanging on his every word. It was a really good party brother… Haha oh hell yeah!

4. (Good)

Axl thinks this record is pretty good and he enjoyed it kind of like how he enjoys riding his bicycle with cowboy boots. In Axl’s opinion this record definitely ain’t no Use Your Illusion II, but he would probably consider taking this band on tour and might even let them stay on the whole thing unless these dudes do something stupid… like try to make eye contact with him, try to talk to his psychic or try to prevent Axl from doing multiple wardrobe changes during his set. Axl’s party can not be stopped so don’t even try!

5. (Decent)

Axl said he was pleasantly surprised with this record and got caught off guard by how much he liked some of the tunes. They’re almost as good he looks holding this Mike McGill skateboard. And that's saying a lot! There are def some flaws on the album, so he's not sure how many repeat listens he'll give it, but he's optimistic that this band could put out good records in the future. Maybe one day they'll get to open for Guns N' Fuckin’ Roses and see Axl helicopter in.

6. (Mediocre)

This isn’t the worst album Axl’s ever heard but he knows the artist could do better and that makes him kinda mad. Honestly he’d rather be back bullying Tommy Hilfiger in the VIP area of a nightclub instead of having to listen to this slop. However, you’ll notice that hint of sadness on his face which indicates that deep down he knows this record is still better than “Chinese Democracy” not to mention his wack cover of The Rolling Stones “Sympathy For The Devil”. Reminds him of that time his actions made “yellow-jacketing” become a viral term and that shit bums him the fuck out.

7. (Bad)

Axl thought this record was BAD. He liked this crap about as much as he liked getting arrested by the pigs while they scuffed up his dripped out Versace Guns N’ Roses shirt. Axl’s not really looking to get in the ring with this band…. yet, but he’s definitely going to have his security remove them from the area if he ever sees them hanging around him. Axl liked shit about as much as he likes St. Louis or being called William Bruce Rose Jr.

8 . (Terrible)

This record is terrible, like when Axl was rocking cornrows, no eyebrows and baggy jerseys in the early 2000’s. Just an embarrassing experience for everyone involved. After checking this record out Axl threw a tantrum, smashed the hotel TV, called for his fuckin limo and took off, totally bummed that he wasted time on this bullshit. He's hoping whatever the limo's bar is stocked with will help him forget what he just heard cuz he ain't got nothing better to do, and he's bored. Axl doesn't ever wants to think about this record again! Kinda like he doesn't wanna think about how DJ Ashba was in the band for a minute or how while Buckethead was in the band he was allowed a "nunchuck-solo” or that reality show Gilby Clarke was on with Tommy Lee and Jason Newsted called Supernova.

9. (Unlistenable)

Axl thinks this record is a total piece of shit! This records makes him angry like when people think he looks like Rip Taylor or when they don’t know that Don’t Cry, November Rain and Estranged are a mother-fucking trilogy. This album is so unlistenable and it’s pissed off him so bad that he lowered his shoulder and he’s about to bull charge anyone responsible… this includes band members, producers, engineers, mixers, A&R dudes, PR, etc… GET IN THE RING MOTHERFUCKERS OR RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

[tacosaysroar]

VICTORY IS MINE

[alexmey-does-an-arts]

quinton reviews fursona.

[shhhsoftnwet]

No worries everyone! They’re just having a bloody good time and spilling ketchup everywhere 😀🥫