#remember when i said i had no interest in the teens romantic relationships and now i am this!

[justveeing]

I see red My blood is boiling and it shows When all you are is a weapon You shoot 'em down 'til you end up alone

[sevensoulmates]

Season 7 Press Article Buddie Analysis

Okay I don't usually write meta/spec on press runs/articles but I found these super fascinating today, especially in comparison to how the showrunners (including Tim himself) and the actors have spoken about their arcs in the past.

First I want to say that in these interviews the goal is never actually to give the audience any important information but rather to tease, and purposely be as vague as possible. So most of what they're saying will likely have double meanings and all of them are being extremely careful with the words they choose to say. Now with that out of the way in the first EW article (linked here), I found several things extremely interesting.

Calling Marisol Eddie's "Hardware store flirtation". It's so funny to me, for one, but it's also interesting that that's all she's reduced to. A flirtation. I know that was really all they were in the last season, but we know Marisol's involved (likely minorly) in at least 2 episodes out of the first 5. Natalia on the other hand is for the most part understood to not be coming back (I would honestly be surprised given the actress is in NYC). But what's even more interesting is that Marisol is not mentioned anywhere else in either of these articles, meanwhile Oliver WAS asked about Natalia. So, I want people to keep in mind that in whatever way Marisol IS a part of this season, I SEVERELY doubt she's making it past the finale.

2. This answer about Natalia is your typical non-answer but to me, it's basically a confirmation she isn't coming back, which lends a tad bit more credibility to Tommy potentially stepping in as a LI for Buck (fingers crossed).

3. Buck is apparently called in to help talk to Christopher about dating women. Do I even really have to talk about how weird this sounds? Eddie had a whole WIFE? He dated Ana for many many months. He's currently dating hardware store flirtation Marisol right now. And yet, Ryan is claiming that Eddie feels like he doesn't know how to talk to his son about women? Enough so that he calls Buck to help? Talking to your kid about dating is a new avenue yes, but why are we acting like Eddie has never been with a woman before? Like I know last season in particular emphasized that Eddie isn't the best when it comes to dating but like ??? I swear to GOD y'all it's giving such severe compulsory heterosexuality. Eddie, my man, I hope this is indicative of where your story is going this season because it's been heading this way for many many many years. Separately, I also find the lack of mention of Shannon very interesting as well.

4. Which brings me to this part. The whole family dynamic aside...Buck's romantic relationships have been severely questionable at best the entire show. Before Abby, it's canon that all Buck did was sleep around a lot, which doesn't seem like something you wanna tell a young teen dating for the first time. So what's he gonna talk about? How women flee him? As I saw someone else say on the timeline "are the successful relationships in the room with us"? This is especially odd if the spec is true and he and Natalia broke up off-screen prior to the start of the season. Eddie, you just saw Buck have yet another failed relationship with woman #4 and your thought is that HE'S the one best suited to talk to your son? These two men are so queer and so dumb, but their hearts are in the right place.

Okay, moving on to EW article #2 linked here. Here I'm shifting a little bit more to Tim Minear, and what he's said before in the past as showrunner about Buck, Eddie, the buddifer dynamic and the buddie ship.

I have a love-hate relationship with Tim. On one hand, I think he's a far better showrunner than Kristen (for OG 911, 911 Lonestar does and always will suck ass). But on the other hand, I remember some of the things he said back when season 2 was airing. It's part of the reason why I can't take things like "he's so cute. he gets that a lot" or "does this boycrush on eddie mean you're over abby" or "you two have an adorable son" or any Big Buddie fanservice line in season 2 seriously or as any definitive proof of anything. Tim has openly admitted most of those were in season 2 to throw shippers a bone. Not to be taken seriously. And that didn't sit right with me. Very obviously, there was a shift in season 3 and no longer was buddie and shippers the butt of the joke. Season 3 is when I genuinely think the writers and Tim shifted from "haha this is funny" to "oh wait, maybe there IS something here" and obviously The Powers That Be (Fox) had some control over whether or not that happened and is honestly why I think it didn't happen in season 5 or 6 where it realistically could've fit very well after s4.

So firstly, please take everything I say with a grain of salt because Tim is a Known Liar and Word Twister and is very VERY good at saying a lot while absolutely saying nothing at all.

5. So...I find what he says in this article interesting because it's not in the first article. First, his word choice is very interesting. Using both "friendship" and "coupling" in the same sentence, which have two different connotations. Secondly, he says that "at their core" their relationship is about their friendship. When something is the core of something else, that doesn't mean that's all there is. The core may be the essence, or the foundation, or the glue of something. But it is something that is BUILT UPON, something that extends past the core. To me, it means that while the core of buddie's relationship is their friendship, their relationship encompasses much more than that. It's like those successful old married couples who say the key to being married happily for 50+ years is that "we're still best friends" or that "the key to a successful romantic relationship is having that foundation of strong friendship" etc. Now, I'm not SAYING this means canon buddie, but I just find it interesting that this is how Tim chose to describe them this time around. To me, that says Tim is very much aware that there's far more to be explored in their relationship than just their friendship. Whether that means far more buddifer family arcs, or an actual real exploration of Buck and Eddie as a romantic couple, I'm very excited to see where it goes.

[h2ojustaddmako]

Headcanon: Why Will and Bella's relationship felt so fake

Will & Bella's relationship is a controversial one for a lot of reasons, and for a while I couldn't really put my finger on it, and I don't think many people can too. It lacks chemistry, for sure - but it often feels neglectful, dishonest, and harming to both parties. I was chatting over this with @devisrina when finally it hit me.

You see, as a gay man, I always found some reflection in Will's character. He was this quiet, loner boy, he liked spending time with the cool, interesting girls, and he never really bonded with any male character (he's friendly with Lewis, but I'd never imagine them hanging out). He definitely has a complex with strong female characters like Sophie and Rikki, where he quite literally adores them, and I think with Bella it was quite similar.

I think Bella started out as his fascination; she was a gorgeous, gorgeous girl, and she seemed mysterious in a way he HAD to find out. He never had a crush on her, it was more this unharmful obsession. He quickly tied her to his obsession with Mako, and she became just another pawn in his game. She was much more open or easy to get to than either Cleo or Rikki, so him choosing her was natural. As I said, he never liked her romantically.

Bella, on the other hand, had a sweet teen crush from the beginning. Of course, he's good looking, but what she liked the most was the fact he's not like other guys; he didn't care about her body or partying, he wasn't the archetypal teen boy, she even says it straight to his face. But she's confused, as Will never seems to recuperate her feelings for him. Sure, he gives her plenty of attention, but that attention leaves her confused as it's never clearly romantic. She keeps going back and forth between trying to get close to him, to accepting it's not gonna happen and he doesn't care about her that way. Poor baby girl.

Then came a turning point. Will finds out Bella's a mermaid. Suddenly, his interest in her specifically skyrocketed, and all he wanted was to spend time with her. You know how some gay men are obsessed with female musicians or whatever? They appear so iconic and cool to them, they want to be them? Or at least, constantly be around them. I think it was like that. Bella was already gorgeous and talented as fuck, with heaps of confidence he could only dream of, and now, she was also a fucking mythical being that can dive forever and explore the oceans gracefully. There's nothing closer to a dream coming true for Will. For Bella, it was a confusing time; as Will started to get closer, she took it as a chance to take things to the next level. Will too was confused - why does he feel all these feelings towards a girl?

You see, deep down, Will knows he's gay. He's been into men ever since he remembers himself. But he's in the tender age of doubting yourself, so when he starts caring so much about a girl, and getting this feeling of constantly wanting to be around her, he mistakes it for love. Will starts questioning whether he might be bisexual after all.

We get a clue about it in the show. Bella starts suspecting that Will only loves the mermaid in her, and not her, which is 100% the case, but Will was still in his denial stage, so they kept going after that. The Beach Party episode, was peak delulu for Will, because, being put on the spot, he had to admit out loud something he wasn't sure of himself, but was boiling inside him for months now. That led to the most inauthentic relationship ever put to screens where Bella thinks he finally loves her, and Will decides to give it a chance before realising it's not really what he wants.

I don't think they lasted much past the end of season 3. I feel bad for Bella for going through it, mostly for all the time she's been in the dark, thinking it was something wrong with her, or just truly being disappointed about how long it all took.

At the end of the day, Will comes out as gay and Bella moves on to date with a guy who really likes her for who she is, and has all those qualities she's looking for in a guy, now also including an attraction to women.

The end

P.s. i do think they were pretty good friends during the middle of the season when it was all blurry for both of them, and that connection was genuine but ever so often shrouded in weird romantic fog that was unclear to neither of them and kept this friendship from reaching its full potential. Will gave her the special attention she wanted, while Bella understood him and was great at listening and giving advice. That made them a good combo, just not romantically.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

🪷:

Hi , I hope you enjoy your vacation!

I just wanted to share this with you or else i might forget.

Tw : potential(?) angst

What are your thoughts/ How do you envision the argument of asra and mc that resulted in their seperation and so on till the prologue.

This is the only point in asra's route that I just can't make scenarios of

I apologise for my broken English. I hope you have a great vacation 🤍 your blog is literally my safe space and I hope that you find peace in this community too <3

Brainrot's Arcana Essays: Pre-Prologue Asra and MC

Hiya lotus(?) flower anon!

Thank you so much, vacation has been wonderful so far ^.^ and I can't tell you how happy I am to know that this blog feels safe to you. Fandom has been my safe space for years now and I'm so privileged to pass that on :)

To get into answering your question, here's my essay:

The writers made MC as vague as possible for a reason - so that as many readers as possible could fill their shoes. This means that when it comes to the past, having an MC without any memories allows the reader to learn new things at the same time as MC, which contributes to the story feeling so immersive. Unfortunately, it also means that all we know about the past is hints and comments and side conversations that we're left to connect the dots with.

I remember being surprised by this too, but in their route during the paid "slow dance" scene (Wheel of Fortune, Rise and Fall), MC has the opportunity to ask Asra "Is this how we were before?" in reference to their growing relationship. And Asra says no.

The way he tells it, they met when he was a teen selling masks and trinkets that he and Muriel had made on the streets in Vesuvia. He says it was about nine years prior to the time of his route (which using fan estimates of his age would put him at 17). He was interested in MC right away, first as a passing fancy, then as serious crush, and then eventually falling completely in love. He even describes making more and more stock in hopes that MC would have so many options to choose from that they'd stay longer and he'd have more time to talk to them.

It's mentioned in an ask arcana post that after Asra and MC became friends, it wasn't uncommon for him to crash on MC's sofa (especially between trips). It's also mentioned in the prologue that Asra started out in a little fortune telling booth in the Marketplace before using the back room of the shop. It looks like, over the course of the five(ish) years between Asra and MC's meeting and MC's death of the plague, they went from acquaintances to friends to frequently sharing the same work/living space and having a strong partnership.

So how far did their relationship progress? When Asra tells MC that they were "like this" before, the two of them aren't even committed yet. MC still doesn't know what happened in their past, neither of them have said "I love you", and there hasn't been much talk of the future yet. It suggests to me that they were close friends, with a hint of something more on Asra's end, but that the "something more" never got the chance to develop.

That lines up with what Asra says about the way their own feelings developed towards MC. They were scared of how strong they were and their response was to leave, hoping that the distance would shake their attachment. But it didn't, which resulted in Asra running from their feelings and passing up the chance to have a romantic relationship with MC in the first place.

Which is why, when the plague came, Asra wouldn't have had any ground to stand on when he asked MC to come with him. They were close friends, they were business partners, but they weren't lovers. Furthermore, Asra had established a personal habit of disappearing fairly often in order to prevent them from getting too close, so even if MC had hoped to explore that kind of relationship with him they wouldn't have gotten the chance. The only influence Asra had when he asked MC to leave Vesuvia with him was as a concerned friend.

It's unlikely that there was a big, loud argument or messy breakup, because MC and Asra wouldn't have had a relationship that warranted it. The point of their disagreement isn't that they hurt each other, it's that they went their separate ways and that MC ended up dying afterwards. Asra takes so much blame on himself, not because he betrayed MC in any way, but because he hadn't committed to them enough to 1) reasonably expect them to leave Vesuvia with him, or 2) reasonably expect himself to stay behind and help. He blames himself for being too afraid of his own feelings to ask for the relationship he truly wanted and have the precedent to get involved in MC's life when everything fell apart.

Which brings us to Asra's and MC's dynamic for the three years between their resurrection and the prologue: it's not ideal, but it's a lot healthier than expected.

Asra did not have any claim on MC's heart when they died (which he sees as one of the reasons why MC was left to die in the first place) and he doesn't try to establish a claim after bringing them back. He doesn't bring MC back as an isolated, obsessive lover who couldn't handle a bad breakup. He sees MC's death as his biggest mistake, and then he works with other people and Arcana figures to bring them back. There was a collective agreement that MC deserved a second chance at life, Asra simply took initiative in bringing that to fruition and then took the responsibility on himself to care for MC as a close friend upon their return. It's a beautiful character development arc for him - the person who was too scared of his feelings being requited to commit, becomes the person committed to the one they love while expecting nothing in return.

There's three reasons why their dynamic afterwards is so isolated: first, all the other people involved in bringing MC back are missing their memories of it, unconscious, or out of town. Second, Asra is a naturally isolated person themself, constantly forgetting that there are people out there who exist and care about them and want to help. Making and holding onto relationships is a big personal blind spot for them.

Third (and most importantly), MC is in no position to make friends, because nobody in their neighborhood will speak to them. It wouldn't be unreasonable to expect that after three years of running a shop, somebody would have made friends without any outside help. MC doesn't have that option because people are too freaked out at seeing them alive, and Asra isn't going to take them anywhere else because this is the lifestyle that gives MC the most financial, emotional, and physical independence.

This is the backdrop of the events of the prologue: Nadia wakes up and Julian comes back to town, and they're quick to reconnect with MC. Asra remains friendly and supportive, but ultimately emotionally distant. The turning point for him is at the end of the prologue, when MC has the chance to ask him, explicitly, what they mean to him. It's only once MC has other connections again, is living independently, is clearly recovered enough to decide their own future, and invites Asra to express their feelings that MC starts to realize that his interest goes beyond friendship.

There's my little speculative timeline, friend, I hope it made sense and you liked it!

Cheers -

brainrot

[opinated-user]

There's a lot to unpack here. But Lily is claiming now that Courtney sexually abused her.

https://www.tumblr.com/lily-orchard/739777528155308032/okay-so-i-have-the-source-that-brittany-and?source=share

alright *cracking knuckles* it's going to be one of those days.

did everyone read that? did you all catch the slip up there? let me bring it back. "but i'm not 14 anymore, Courtney" 14 was the age that Courtney had when he bought a lock to his door and finally stopped LO from coming to molest him in his sleep. LO was 15. 14 is the age that LO has constantly shoved into multiple on her pieces of work (wikis, fanfiction, even videos) for young female characters that she wanted to sexualize or romanticize. 14 was the age of the "sister" in that archived video (that you can find in that link, for anyone curious) that LO argued should be allowed to keep having a sexual/romantic relationship with her 15 year old brother. (also 15 is the age in which she started grooming ginger, but that's just incidental here) is this the smoking gun proof that LO did something to Courtney? not necesarily. but you hear someone who has groomed a teen that age and that has sexualized that age, especially refering to adults, who you know has a history of multiple people accusing them of coercing others into doing sexual things for them, now also being accused by their own sibling... which possibility sounds more pleasible? either 1, LO this entire time has been just the bravest soldier ever, keeping quiet about the supposed sexual Courtney abuse inflicted on her, even after Courtney came out with a testimony video talking about what she did to him, and she refused to speak about it just because... i don't know, invent some reason here if you want to. so she has kept quiet all this time, despite the many months that have passed since then, and only decided to speak... when an account linked to CSEM was linked to her. but that was pure coincidence, i'm sure! just like it was purely coincidental that LO decided to reveal to everyone, including her own wife that was left in the dark, that she had actually survived cancer and chemotherapy she endured for at least 6 months without anyone knowing, right after Courtney spoke out officially in a public platform!

"she must have reached her breaking point", someone might claim. "i wouldn't care anymore about anything if someone was accusing me of soliciting that kind of content either and would explode too". sure, i can believe that. ... if they didn't had a history of sexually coercing people to do sexual things for them and then trying to turn the tables on them, despite the overwhelming evidence against them. but sure it's interesting the timing, isn't it? futhermore, this is still assuming that LO didn't want to reveal that the person who is accusing her of molestation had sexually abused her because... reasons. the woman who told everyone she fantasized about being thrown to a cage full of horny dogs just stayed quiet, being coy and discreet, because reasons. she's just brave and reserved like that, even when the person who abused her for so long is still trying to abuse her as an adult. she never overshares and always knows to pull her punches shen she thinks she can win against the people who accuse her of horrible things, right? (oh but Courtney is culpable of murder and molestation, remember, and also guilty of not stopping a full grown adult from abusing LO when he was only 6 and he also never suffered any abuse at the hands of anyone despite presenting clear signs of it. LO knows for a fact that Courtney is a liar, liar who lies, because she said so. and no, it's not because is just convenient. and no, it's not to dismiss all the evidence against her that has accumulated by other people that never even knew Courtney. because LO said so. and why would she ever lie?) the 2 option to believe here, well, do i need to say it? i'll anyway.

LO panicked when another account in another site full of CSEM was associated with her and is trying to DARVO her way into turning it everything against Courtney and Brittany (while still insisting i'm just a sideblog from, with no evidence of her own), denying not only the account is her but also that everything she's accused is some elaborate plot to smear her just because Courtney just likes to abuse her so much. Courtney, the one who lost all contact with the family who definitely was not abusive to her, in a house where she definitely never felt unsafe, with a sibling who definitely never crossed any boundaries, and nobody even knew existed until recently.

that Courtney whose wild claims and lies about LO have been taken at face value by a self admitted child groomer who literally confessed to Brittany he only liked to stir the pot.

that's the difference between us saying that account could belong to LO and LO claiming that Courtney is the biggest abuser present in the room. for as circumstantial as they might be, there are valid reasons to believe that LO would be able to look at real children sexually and take satisfaction from it (the writing of stockholm and all it's subsequent pieces, but also the grooming of Ginger and Ink Rose while they were both minors, not to mention the defending incest between two minors for an entire video). are any of them a smoking fun, the one true evidence that proves without a doubt that LO would also be capable to actively be searching those images? no. but it doesn't sound impossible either considering that history. meanwhile LO just has claims with no basis at all that you really, really have to get creative to justify in the first place. i could write a whole novel just trying to make sense of LO's actions as a completely innocent person, but that's the issue: i shouldn't have to do that in order to believe a person. it shouldn't be this easy to see that something is very wrong with someone who claims they're entirely innocent.

lastly, and i say this just because LO is the one who cares about that angle, not me, where is your lawyer in all of this, LO? someone is accusing you of molesting them when you never even touched them! that someone had an impact on your channel and the views that it receives! it had a dent on your pristine reputation and will continue to have it as long we, all of us with a critical blog, keep talking about it! you keep denying the claims against you because nobody is "lawyering up". so i hope you don't mind that the same question is applied to you when you accuse other people of commiting crimes. in this case specifically, libel. you have been so insistent on that lawyer "reuniting evidence" and forming a case. it will be interesting to see if that ever pans out for you. keep me updated when it does.

[prongsmydeer]

Ayesha Liveblogs Heartstopper S1

I will not lie to you have put off watching this show for so long because I thought it might hurt my feelings but I think I'm finally ready to put myself through it

I didn't realize we'd be starting this show with Charlie already in a clandestine relationship. Alright, diving right in

Call me crazy, but I think this guy who is causing Charlie's brain to create gentle cartoon leaves might be the guy he falls in love with:

"Still don't tell anyone about this." Heartwarming words from Secondary Love Interest Ben

"Why are you talking to me? I don't even know who you are." Ben, love, I think you're overcorrecting

Tao saying "Bro Dude Friends" in an American accent tickles me

God I remember not being allowed to have a phone at even at lunch in school. Dark Times

"Have you talked to your friends about it? "They wouldn't get it." HAHAHA the one realistic teacher who deflects dating questions back to the teens

Immediately I like Tori. "Was he a knob?" is exactly the right question to ask

Charlie's imagined romantic cutaways are very fun

"I don't just fall for any guy who's nice to me," said Charlie, as if he had not immediately fallen for Nick on the basis of them just saying hi to each other and having one conversation about ink stains

Genuinely I hope this rugby endeavour ends with Charlie making a bunch of friends and discovering a love of sport

Update from 1 montage later: I think it has!

Also I am immediately invested in Tao and Elle's relationship. They miss each other so much, it's very sweet

This episode took a really harsh and unexpected turn with Ben's reappearance. Bring back the rugby montage

"It was normal," said Nick, in a very convincing statement that no parent would find troubling

Nick said: Move over Charlie, I can also have a cartoonish dream sequence. Welcome to My Instagram-Induced Homophobia Fever Dream

Immediately I'm relating to Nick. I too get stressed out by watching other people type and have to put away my phone. Also it is becoming clearer and clearer that he's going to be the one who is slower to come to terms with his own feelings

"Thank you for being my supportive straight friend." HAHAH bold of Charlie to assume. But I get that it opens the door to that conversation

"You know, when I was a teenager and had a crush on a straight boy, I just repressed it and suffered." Mr. Gay Teacher speaking to the real Teenage Experience LMAO

I love Elle making friends at her new school 💗 Not to stereotype but I do think girls are more welcoming as a social group

Nick has touched Charlie's hair one too many times today to be convincingly straight hahahah

"Nick likes a girl," said Tao confidently, as if the 'girl' Nick's friends had been teasing him for texting was not Charlie

"You've befriended the school lesbians." GOOD FOR ELLE

Nick thinking about holding Charlie's hand but stopping himself. Sweet boy

"I don't think he's straight," said Tori, after witnessing one of the gayest goodbyes I've ever seen

Nick staring at his team photo like he can rugby away gay thoughts

HAHAHAH doing the "Am I gay" quiz and getting 62%. I am so Nick-coded. He is so me. Someone stop these Repressed Queer Blond British Boys from being so relatable hahaha

"We don't want to make a big announcement or anything... just maybe not hide so much." I'm not sure which part of this interaction I liked the most, 1) Nick and Tara immediately establishing they weren't into each other 2) Tara telling Nick she is a lesbian, modelling a chill coming out and 3) Tara immediately giving Nick a sly look as soon as he mentions His Best Friend Charlie

Both cold and cool for Nick to tell Harry off for being homophobic at his own birthday party

Tao making Elle promise nothing will affect their friendship because he is clearly in love with her already LOL

Nick being visibly comforted by seeing happy queer people around him. Once again, relatable:

Very funny of the show to only NOW warn me of strobing effects, which have been bothering me for quite some minutes as I tried to get a screenshot of that scene LOL

"I'm dying." "It's cause you're old." To friends literally months older than you is honestly one of my favourite jokes

Nick said: The quiz was right! I AM at least 62% gay

Charlie immediately realizing he's got himself into another situationship with a guy who is definitely not ready to come out

"It's not that I didn't want to [whispers] kiss you.. I was just so confused. I've just been so, so confused." The immediate juxtaposition between Ben, who did not give a damn about Charlie's feelings through his sexuality crisis, and Nick, who not only apologized right away, but also is actively trying to explain how he's feeling to Charlie 🥺💘

Charlie is also representing a real group of people who are The Only Out Kid At School Whom All Other People Figuring Out That They're Some Type of Gay May Inevitably Direct Their Feelings

"A lot of gay people are good at sports, Charlie," said the Rugby Coach, slightly offended on behalf of all gay athletes

LMAO @ IMOGEN'S "I'm an ally" scene, I've seen it before

Also she really does give me second-hand embarrassment. Read the room girl!!!

Tao is so hostile to Nick undeservedly ghggghhgh Nick wasn't the one who threw the rugby ball but he did get pelted with it by Tao after

LMAO @ Darcy immediately clocking Nick and Charlie as a couple

"Why are the other team literal adult men?" Ah, a classic sports dilemma

"You've got some mud on your face though," said Nick, like the rest of both of them including his own face was not also covered in mud

HAHAHAHA Isaac also immediately clocking that they are sitting way too close and gazing too much to be just homies

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NICKKKKKKKKKK YOU ARE FALLING INTO THE SAME BEN TRAP. BE BETTER! YOU ARE SEEING SOMEONE!!!!!!!!

I know he's just trying to be a good friend to Charlie and I don't know if it's Tao's hair and face but he's reminding me of someone I know (who had a lot of emotional issues) and it's giving me a bit of the heebie jeebies hahahah

"Do you like this girl?" "Well, um, her dog died." HAHAH NICK, this poor people-pleasing boy

"Tao, no, it's his birthday," Tao is a rough mix of incredibly loyal, moderately possessive of his friends and lacking in any social graces whatsoever

Also if Tao understood what was going on, he'd be TWICE as mad. It's growing more deserved by the minute

"I was going to say I'd send him a strongly-worded DM, but murder's fine too." Hahahahah Tao

I've never seen a more uncomfortable exchange of the words, "You're a good friend." LOL:

Even if this whole Imogen thing is still pretty messy, I give a lot of credit to Nick for telling Charlie about it and explaining the context as well as clarifying he was going to put an end to it before it happened

"I wish I'd met you when I was younger," said Nick, like 16 isn't still pretty young

"I really like you." "You like me?" "Yes, wasn't that obvious?" HAHAHAHA they're so silly, I love them ❤️

I love that Charlie and Nick are so into each other they can't help but have a bit of PDA everywhere they go

Elle said: You're not the only ones capable of cutesy animations for the friend you're secretly in love with, Charlie and Nick

Do you think Isaac's like, 'Damn, this is an above average amount of romantic tension for a bowling outing'

"Mamma Mia." "We've seen that four times this year already." Nick continues to be extremely me-coded, including looking up the best LGBT movies nghghgnjg

I said this MOMENTS before he googled being bisexual. INCREDIBLE

"Do you wanna kiss? Would that help?" [Sarcastically] "Wow." "Just a suggestion." Charlie said: Sorry about your sexuality crisis, my love language is giving u a leetle kees on the lips

AWWWWWWWWWW I loooooove Nick finally having someone to talk through his sexuality feelings with outside of his boyfriend

"Kissing you is actually one of the things that made me realize I don't like kissing guys." "Okay, happy to help?" Nick 💖

Personally I LOVE the triple date and Meddling Gays Groupchat

Charlie is so blindingly smiley every time Nick acknowledges to someone that they're together it is the sweetest:

In fairness to Tao being the last to know, he is 1) The only one who actively dislikes Nick and 2) The only cishet person at the table

Must be rough for Tara to go from everyone only ever talking about how fit she is to all the crap of people thinking they're gonna catch lesbianism

It would've been VERY funny if they all got locked in the closet

"They all probably think I'm this like, gay nerd." "Well, you kind of are a gay nerd." Nick said: You're MY gay nerd, Charlie

"Oi, just look at him behind him. Like a little girl." Harry's got so many issues. He's literally in the same proximity to Ben, what's his problem?

"Quick question. What's it like being gay?" Not that EVERY homophobic character is secretly gay, but it does seem more and more like Harry is 🤨

"I'm not even gay. I just felt really sorry for you." Since ep 1, I have strongly been suspecting that Ben will be the one to out Nick and Charlie and I feel it even more strongly now that he has eyewitnessed their handholding

Also it does NOT bode well that this ep is called Bully

"[Charlie] has a friend who won't leave me alone," said Harry, as if he has not been the one pelting Tao and calling him names to deal with what is probably a little gay crush repressed deep under thirteen layers of stupid and mean

"None of us are being homophobic." I feel like people are now growing up in this weird era where people ARE still homophobic but unwilling to admit it because it's less acceptable. It's fucked up to have someone do something bigoted to you and say it's not. At least when someone's horrible upfront you are facing an enemy that's showing its face

I don't blame Nick for finally losing his cool. Also wild of Harry to pick a fight with someone who is obviously bigger than him

"Some of the rugby boys are nice." "Even they just... stood there." There comes a certain point where being able to associate yourself with bigoted people must mean that you are at best indifferent to the people they harm

"I think I know why he hasn't [told me]. He thinks I'll accidentally say something stupid and out Nick to all of Nick's mates. And obviously he cares more about Nick's feelings than he does about mine." SEVERAL THINGS, TAO. 1) IT IS OBVIOUS why he hasn't told you, it's because you have shown numerous times you don't like Nick. 2) Why the hell is OUTING THEM even on your list? 3) In a situation where you COULD accidentally out Nick, his feelings are OBJECTIVELY more important than yours! And 4) This possessiveness towards your friends is part of the problem!!!

"This is all your fault," said Tao, as if Charlie had forced him to fight with Harry instead of literally intervening upon it

I get that Tao's a teen and he's hurt Charlie's priorities are different and he's short-sighted but GOD take some personal responsibility

"He said he doesn't wanna talk to you." If Charlie ends up being the only one to apologize for this I'm gonna be SO mad

All other things aside, I'm glad Tao and Nick are bonding

I love how consistently useful it is that Charlie can run fast

"You don't get to make me feel like crap anymore just because you hate yourself." YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CHARLIE

DOUBLE APOLOGY, AS WAS WARRANTED FOR THESE TWO:

The butterflies appearing on Tao's side so we know the feeling is mutual ahhhhhhhhhh

If Nick is leaving the rugby match to kiss his boyfriend, that is the FUNNIEST possible thing he could do, surely it could wait til after the match rather than mid-mandatory-sports day

The update is that he was desperate for a conversation, which seems more reasonable LMAO

"My life is way better because I met you." NIIIIICK 😭❤️

Charlie is really coming into his own today. The most nonconfrontational boy crams three different emotional confrontations into one sports day

Bold move to make out in the school corridor mid-mandatory-sports day. In general, interesting how often people are macking around this school. But I understand, it was a very romantic conversation:

"I love liking you," said Nick, like that wasn't one of the most romantic things I've ever heard

"Does this mean we're boyfriends?" "Oh, yes. Was that not already established the last like, ten times we made out?" HAHAHA their DTR talks kill me a little

"Thank you for telling me. I'm so sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't." I was nervous for Nick for a moment, but I'm so glad for him now

"It's called bisexuality, if you've heard of that." LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO not Nick genzsplaining bisexuality to Mama Nelson aka Olivia Colman, of The Favourite fame

What a sweet and charming show

[historyofshipping]

More Teen Wolf thoughts

So I knew next to nothing about Teen Wolf when I started watching it last week. I basically just didn't interact with any fandoms when it was live and so I'm coming in without any kind of preconceived notions of who/what the good character/ships/storylines etc other than the movie sucks and I shouldn't watch it. I was also vaguely aware that Ste/rek and Stydia were fandom things.

After watching it, I scrolled through an obscene amount of tumblr stuff related to TW and I truly have to wonder if we watched the same show.

Again, it's a very different viewing experience for me because I didn't have gaps between seasons where I could theorize, over-analyze, etc. I'm also older than the target audience so like that could probably affect how I view things too.

I'll also add that my own relationship had a similar trajectory to Stydia. My partner had a crush on me while I was literally engaged to someone else and we barely knew each other, but then we had a deep friendship form over time. By the time my last relationship ended, his crush had changed to genuine love and my friendship evolved to something romantic. We've been together now over a decade.

So with all that said, here's Stydia thought: I am truly BAFFLED by the fact that people think Stydia getting together was fan service. (More under cut)

Note: I have zero interest in debating or arguing, which is why I'm hoping this won't come up in other ship tags. If you feel the need to argue, just move along because I'll either ignore you or block you. These are just my thoughts - it's not that deep.

I admit I absolutely fell in love with Stydia. I am an absolute sucker for good friends to lovers, detective duos, etc so they were *Chef's kiss* to me.

That said, I'm more than capable of separating my feelings about a ship from a story. So when people say that Stydia was forced together, I'm just kind of dumbfounded since I thought it was literally the only well-written ship in the entire show.

When we start, obviously we have Stiles obsessing over an image of Lydia in his head. But even still, he was never into her popularity or anything like that - he was into the person she was at the core, even when she kept it hidden.

Then they became friends over the course of the next few seasons and Stiles fell in love with her in a different way. He got to know her better and his feelings only deepened. However, she was with other people so he tried to force himself to move on. This is very normal in high school especially.

I did not like the Sta/lia relationship, mostly because I thought Malia deserved a lot better than someone who was clearly still into someone else, but I'm not going to get into that here.

We have canon proof that Stiles was STILL INTO Lydia during season 4&5. So much so that Kira, new to the group and mostly only around post-Malia getting involved, picked up on it: "He still likes her, doesn't he?" "Yeah, but it’s different now." "Stiles was the only one who knew." "He paid attention. He listened to her. He remembered."

Stiles is constantly the one whose main priority is getting her out of Eichen House. He storms in and doesn't give a shit about self-preservation as long as he gets to Lydia and gets her out.

He breaks through his bonds when she's about to be injected.

The camera constantly focuses on their hand touches with each other - whether it's in the hospital, the care with which they constantly stroke each other's face, etc. When Melissa was about to inject Lydia in the neck, she told Stiles specifically to hold her hand - even though he has a fear of needles.

Both of them essentially brought the other back from the dead through their connection.

When he sees her hurt or about to be hurt, it goes back to "I would go out of my freaking mind" - and he does.

Stiles was in love with her for nearly a decade. That doesn't just go away in a few months.

Now, for Lydia, we have her focused on Stiles above all else. He's the one she calls when she's in trouble or upset. She goes to him for comfort. "Stiles saved me."

Whenever there's a Stalia moment and Lydia is around, the camera goes to her for reactions. What comes to mind immediately is in the Mexico car scene where Malia says she'd come back for Stiles.

Now, any of these things individually you could say are just friendship things - and you'd be correct. Above everything, they are friends. Probably best friends. But their bond goes so much deeper than that. Both of them needed that basis of friendship before they could fall into a truly deep love for each other - and that's what we see in season 6.

So yeah, I'm not sure where people are getting the idea that it was out of the blue. It's clearly been built up over seasons and while it *could* have stayed as just very good friends, that wasn't the story they were telling. I'll concede that s6 was kind screwed up because of DOB's filming and injuries but it still wasn't out of the blue.

[the-invisible-queer]

Sooooo for the anon who asked (and for you of course, if you're interested), I've compiled a lazy timeline of Joe's relationship history - just things I remembered off-hand, no researching or fact-checking or anything. I'm truly sorry for how fucking long it is lmao, tbh you may want to copy and paste it into a text post so you can put a Read More bc holy shit why has this man had so many relationships and WHY DID I REMEMBER SO MUCH OF IT WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME. As a disclaimer my level of JB obsession has varied a lot over the years, so some of these relationships I know a lot more about than others just based on how closely I was following Joe at the time, and again I didn't research literally anything here so it's possible some of it may be misremembered. Okay here we go:

Mandy, who the OG song Mandy was written about, was the first Joe romantic interest fans ever knew about. I don’t remember anymore if they were actually even together at all or if he just like had a crush on her or something, but he was definitely into her to some degree when he was very young.

He dated AJ Michalka from Aly and AJ for some unknown length of time when they were like 15-16. He eventually revealed that she was his first kiss, she miiiiight have said he was hers too but I also could have imagined that. For a long time it was rumored that Potential Breakup Song was about him, but years and years later while answering fan questions on Twitter AJ finally said it wasn’t, but a different breakup song called Flattery was. (First known appearance of Joe Jonas: Serial Muse Extraordinaire. It would take two more strikes for him to finally seemingly learn that he should probably stop dating and dumping songwriters.)

For a hot minute he was rumored to be dating Miley’s friend/backup dancer Mandy (of The Miley and Mandy Show fame) during the Best of Both Worlds Tour, but I genuinely to this day don’t know if that was true or not lol. I remember a couple vaguely 👀 pictures existing of the two of them but they also both seemed to just be physically affectionate people in general, so they truly could have just been friends.

Joe met Taylor Swift in 2008 and, as teenagers sometimes do, they had what seemed to be a brief but intense relationship that then exploded into a dramatic mess. He famously broke up with her via a 27-second phone call, she famously exposed this on the Ellen show, and then they both spent the next couple years just publicly whacking each other at random opportunities before the bad blood (no pun intended) between them seemed to dry up and they gradually became friends, especially once Joe started dating Gigi Hadid who was already close friends with Taylor. A lot of bangers came out of this relationship and breakup on Taylor’s end – I can’t pretend that songs like Jump Then Fall and Last Kiss weren’t integral to my young Joe girl fantasies about the kind of boyfriend he was, really appreciated that very descriptive imagery – but IIRC the only JB song specifically known to be about her was Much Better. The Jaylor arc eventually wrapped up with both of them saying it was silly teen drama they laugh about now and each making gestures of amends (him changing the live lyrics of Much Better to acknowledge that they’re cool with each other, her saying she regretted putting him on blast on Ellen and should have handled it differently) and she sent him and Sophie a baby present before Willa was born. ALSO: one of my favorite bits of hilariously random Joe lore ever is that in 2015 he went to one of Taylor’s concerts and hung out with her brother, who at one point very literally had Joe’s tiny ass sitting on his shoulders while they vibed to the music. Like…okay then lmfao.

Next was Camilla Belle, who he met when she starred in the Lovebug music video. I’d be remiss not to acknowledge that the public Taylor/Camilla timeline was a bit messy and it’s not entirely clear to this day if there was any overlap or if he fully dumped Taylor before pursuing the new object of his interests, but either way it was pretty clear at the time that he didn’t really behave wonderfully there. Maybe watching Nick start living out his own fuckboy love triangle era around this time inspired him. Regardless, he and Camilla were together for I want to say several months at least before he seemed to get his heart broken pretty badly. I was kind of getting less involved in Jonas fandom by then due to some new fixation I was having instead so I don’t really remember what happened between them, if we ever even knew to begin with, but I do remember him seeming pretty torn up over her for a hot minute there. The one other bit of Camilla lore I remember was that there was apparently some drama at the beginning because Joe and Nick both liked her, which in hindsight is extremely ?????????? all around bc 1) Nick was like 16 and I'm pretty sure Camilla was like 22, he absolutely should not have even been in that conversation at all, 2) Joe probably shouldn't have been in the conversation at all either considering he literally already had a girlfriend at the time and 3) genuinely the very last thing Nick should have been doing in 2008 was trying to pick up a THIRD girl as if his plate wasn't more than full enough already? Was his little ass trying to build a harem??? ANYWAY.

I think Demi was next after Camilla, but again I was falling out of keeping close track of the Jonaii during this time so this is where things start getting pretty fuzzy. I want to say they got together at some point during the filming of Camp Rock 2, or maybe during the press tour for it? and their relationship was fairly highly-publicized, including a professional joint photoshoot and interview they did for some magazine which awkwardly released like right after they broke up lol. While Demi’s feelings seem to have been fully genuine, Joe revealed (or at least implied, I honestly never read what he said about this firsthand lol I just heard about it a lot) at some point years later that he’d felt pressured into dating her by Disney/his team for publicity reasons. I withhold judgment on that aspect since this was obviously a super fucked up situation neither of those very young people should have ever been put in by their employers in the first place, but regardless he clearly went on to hurt her in some way bc she wrote a lot of heartbroken songs about him (including some she co-wrote with Nick, which he’s said was very awkward for him lmao). The song Sorry from Fastlife – not to be confused with Sorry from ALBL, which was about Miley – is commonly thought to be about Demi, though idk if that was ever officially confirmed or not. They clearly worked things out at some point though, because for several years in the 2010s they seemed to be fairly close friends…until they weren’t anymore. It’s still not clear if something happened between them specifically or if Joe sided with his brother in whatever fallout destroyed her friendship with Nick or what, but for a while Demi appeared to be on pretty bad terms with all the brothers. Nowadays she and Joe seem to be okay with each other – they hung out at her Halloween party a few years ago and seemingly had a good time together, and I think they sometimes like each other’s IG posts and such – but alas, the glory days of their friendship seem to be over for good.

At some point somewhere in all of this Joe dated Brenda Song for like three weeks or something??? We know almost nothing about this fling except that it happened. I constantly manage to forget about this and every single time I remember I’m just as surprised as I was the first time I learned it.

I wasn’t paying much attention at all when Ashley Greene showed up in Joe’s life so I genuinely don’t remember when that happened – I feel like it could potentially have been anywhere from late-ish 2009 to early-ish 2011 – or how long they lasted. I do remember that he always seemed happy with her and from what little I saw of them I thought they looked more serious than any of his past relationships had. She apparently inspired most of Fastlife. At some point they broke up, which as far as I know wasn’t dramatic (at least not publicly) but again, I was barely keeping up with Joe at the time. Years later, he revealed in a Reddit AMA that he lost his virginity to her.

I vaguely recall him going on like one or two dates with various random women in the early 2010s, none of whom seemed to stick for very long before being replaced with another. The only somewhat notable one of these women was model Natashia Ho; we’ll come back to that in a minute.

At some point in 2012 he started dating artist Blanda Eggenschwiler, who would become his longest and most serious relationship until Sophie. They seemed very happy together and posted each other on IG a lot. At some point he got a tattoo inspired by one of her paintings, which he still has and presumably has no plans to ever remove or cover up. In early 2013 there was a wild and hysterical rumor about a sex tape of the two of them that allegedly involved, among other things, Joe getting paddled with a ball gag in his mouth – during the initial hilarious drama of this rumor dropping Natashia Ho, previously all but forgotten about by fans, tweeted “Yea sounds about right” and then deleted it shortly after which was…honestly probably still the funniest thing any Jonas ex has ever done tbh. An icon. ANYWAY: My most vivid memory from this relationship is that during the big drama of the band breaking up (though at the time we didn’t know yet that was what was going on, just that the tour that had been about to start got cancelled super suddenly and everyone was being weird and vague about why and Joe and Kevin seemed upset), we got several days of sad or anxious-looking Joe candids in a row, and then the first time we saw him smiling again after everything exploded was when Blanda was with him ❤️ Most of the fandom liked Blanda a lot and and we quietly suspected for a while there that she was the woman he was going to marry (he may have also thought this himself at one time), but alas, they shocked us all by announcing their breakup in I believe August of 2014. As far as I remember there was never any post-breakup drama or anything between them and she just kind of faded away from fandom consciousness, except for one incident I remember from a few months after the breakup where she posted like a half-finished drawing of a face that looked suspiciously similar to Joe’s on her IG, leading to a lot of speculation and debate among fans about if it was supposed to be him or not and what, if anything, it meant if it was. (The answer apparently was that it meant nothing, because they didn’t get back together or anything, although I’m not sure if that’s even what we were expecting anyway. In hindsight that whole situation was just kinda dumb and pointless lmao but it kept us entertained for days regardless.)

Joe and Gigi Hadid started dating in I want to say early 2015. I was barely paying attention at this point and genuinely have no recollection at all of how long this relationship lasted – I feel like it was pretty short-lived but idk – but it went on at least long enough for her to direct the Cake By The Ocean music video, so there’s that I guess. Gigi got back with her ex Zayn very shortly after they broke up and Joe apparently made some kind of comment (again, I never read it just heard about it) implying that he was somewhat bitter about this. When asked at some point not super long after their breakup to play Fuck/Marry/Kill with three of his famous exes, he said he would kill Gigi (and marry Demi and fuck Taylor, if anyone's curious). If there was any further Joegi lore after that, I either never knew it or don’t remember it.

Joe and Sophie started talking in DMs and then hanging out in person at some unspecified point in 2016, but weren’t publicly spotted together until late in the year – IIRC they were first seen together in group pics from some random Halloween party, but no one really seemed to put two and two together until a few days later when they were caught fully making out at a Kings of Leon concert lol. They got engaged roughly a year later in October 2017, got Vegas-married in May 2019 and then married-married in France in June 2019, and welcomed two baby girls in July 2020 and July 2022 respectively. I’m choosing to stop here bc you said you know the most recent stuff and I don’t want to make myself sad lol 🙃

OKAY WELL that was long as hell and made me feel lowkey pathetic for knowing all this lmao but hopefully it satisfied your thirst for tea, anon. Now to start working on Nick's timeline... 🫡

HOLY SHIT BESTIE

I'm on mobile so I can't actually copy and paste that whole thing so y'all gonna have to deal with it

Rest in RIP to everyone's dashes

And the fact that I did know all of these and just forgot about a few but didn't know timeliness specifically

I guess I did have Joe's dating timeline in my head at some point which is on brand because I've never actually been normal about him

Did he or did he not date Chelsea Kane (Stella on Jonas) because I saw some online speculation about it because they were hanging out a lot - fully can respect them being friends just wanna point out their onscreen chemistry was incredible so I wouldn't be surprised if it flowed into their personal life

Thank you for this run down

If anyone questions me calling Joe a whore ever again I'm gonna send them this post

[mlobsters]

one person's messy relationship to asexuality, relationships, sex and fandom

i saw a post the other day talking about how whenever the topic of asexual folks not having sex comes up, people will chime in that ace people can/do have sex sometimes too and that's okay! and basically how it adds nothing/takes away from the conversation. which, i mean, both things are true.

there's so much deep misunderstanding of what being asexual is and means. take myself, an ace person, i had no clue what being asexual meant until the past handful of years. at my big age of 40+. i'd seen some posts by cody daigle-orians, ace dad advice (tiktok, they have a book out now too and another on the way! i am ace), and things started churning in my mind. i read some simple definitions in a healthline article and it's like a lightbulb went off.

What Does It Mean to be Asexual - Healthline

Libido. Also known as your “sex drive,” libido involves wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it might feel a little like wanting to scratch an itch.

Sexual desire. This refers to the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.

Sexual attraction. This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.

i realized i'd never experienced sexual attraction, and in fact had a complete misunderstanding of what sexual attraction even was. i was conflating my libido and sexual desire with attraction. similar to being agender and having aphantasia, i think it can be difficult to conceptualize something you've never experienced. whenever you hear people talking about things, you're trying to fit it within the framework of what you experience and how you understand the world works, to realize they are experiencing the world in a fundamentally different way you didn't know existed. it might seem absurd but i remember being around women talking about how they were looking forward to a movie because it meant some dude's ass would be out. and inside my head i was just like, really?? ....huh. (i said it was absurd.)

sex has been a large source of conflict and stress in the past 20 years of my life. so i guess this is that story.

i don't know how old i was, but some time in my early teens, i figured out women's bodies were what turned my crank. i had romantic crushes on boys at school, but thinking about girls got me going. but no one specific, never anyone specific. to this day, never anyone specific. this would be an important detail i didn't connect until much later. so i knew i was bi from early on, but it was the 90s and being out just wasn't really happening in school where i lived. i got into a serious, and abusive, relationship with a boy when i was 17 and that lasted 11 years. i was interested in sex, i had a lot of sex with him at the beginning. over time, i didn't want to have sex anymore.

i've always been conflict avoidant, and being with someone who picked a fight with me nearly every day for years made it so much worse. i didn't feel like i could say no. i looked forward to my period because then i had an excuse to not have sex. i briefly was in therapy, never mentioned the abuse or a whole host of other things but i did tell the therapist about not wanting to have sex with my then-spouse. she told me "use it or lose it", that the less sex i had, the less i'd want it. so have more sex and you'll want it again. that poisonous bit of advice stuck with me a long time. i didn't believe it, but i didn't not-believe it either. i didn't stay with that therapist more than the whatever number of allotted weeks insurance would pay for. years later, i asked for a divorce and left that relationship.

i got into other relationships, and sex again was that shortcut to intimacy/attention/affection and it was good. but then at some point, again, i didn't want to have sex. i was married, i had kids. i seriously thought it was part of my responsibilities of being married. like, spousal obligation. i knew when it had been too long and i needed to step up. go search on the internet "don't want to have sex with spouse" and basically the vast majority of advice will say sex is essential to the relationship and sometimes you have to compromise.

but i didn't want to, and i hated having to. why is it that i always have to compromise in a way where i'm losing bodily autonomy? my body is mine except once a week because i have to do this for the better of the relationship? this obviously was a big source of stress for me, and my partner could tell things weren't right. i avoided physical affection because i didn't want it to be confused with interest in sex.

i've spent a long time feeling guilty about not knowing i was ace. that i got into relationships and then flipped the script when i didn't want to have sex anymore. like i'd inadvertently done a bait and switch. i've been trying to pick apart what changed, why it changed, etc for years. ultimately, sex was a shortcut to affection and undivided attention. and if my libido and desire for sex was lining up, it worked. until it didn't. maybe six months before i was really sure, my spouse asked if i was ace. i thought i was somewhere in the spectrum maybe but i didn't know. and then things clicked and i got it. i was honest with the fact that i didn't want to have sex, i hadn't wanted to have sex for years, and as far as i could tell i could be fine with never having sex again. i didn't want to be "fixed", i didn't want therapy, or hormone checks to see if there was something "wrong" with me. i still have a moderate libido, i just don't want sex with someone else. i still struggle with some guilt over that last bit.

there was some inner turmoil over whether it was the years of baggage, of having sex that was vaguely consensual but also clearly unwanted, if that's what "caused" my loss of interest in sex. that the inability to say what i wanted from the abuse trickled down to other relationships. maybe if i'd figured out what was happening in my 20s, i'd be less rigid about no sex when i understood i could say no. i slowly came to accept that it didn't matter. what matters is where i am now.

all that said, let me wrap up a bit with how this all intersects with media and fandom. sex scenes, especially with my faves, in visual media often weirds me out (not always, and it's not terribly clear to me when it does or doesn't, but also not sure it matters.) and there again, there's been a trend of less sex scenes in movies etc, and i don't think that's a good thing either. just because it sometimes makes me very uncomfortable, i don't think they shouldn't exist. i just often don't want to see it. but i can skip it or look the other way or whatever. that is my problem, not everyone else's who does want to see it.

and nowadays the only time i feel much turmoil is within fandom spaces. being horny on main for your faves is normal and expected and i don't begrudge anyone that. especially with how puritanical some fan spaces have become and the nonsensical moralizing over shipping. i'm a wincest shipper, i read plenty of pearl clutching fic on the daily. but there's some internal weirdness for me seeing people being horny on main about their faves. please go ahead, but i don't want to see it. but i absolutely also do not want to unfollow people because of it, but it's also not something i can filter on.

so i try to get a feeling of the type of posts people might be getting up in their horny feelings in the tags and i scroll past without reading. people being horny for their faves and writing some explicit fic about it, sign me up. it's a step removed from anyone i know and i can just sort of, live vicariously through the characters experiencing things i don't experience. but there's something very different in my mind when it's a person talking about it on tumblr or twitter or whatever. it doesn't make sense and i get irritated with myself over it pretty regularly, and it adds to feelings of isolation.

i already have a lot of unpopular opinions about my current fixation, just add this to the pile of things i am alone in feeling. which is terribly dramatic and ridiculous, but it is what it is. and my anxiety+social anxiety+depression make this whole cocktail more potent. i'm always trying to find a way to let these things roll off my back. it's a work in progress.

so i think the point of this all is that it's hard talking about asexuality in general terms because the spectrum of feelings and experiences and relationships to intimacy is vast. and as asexual people, we're often combating some very base level misunderstandings from the public at large - that being ace isn't about not being interested in sex. it may involve that, but it's not what the literal definition is. so this is just one person's very messy relationship to asexuality.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[danikatze]

Shipper Tag Game

Tagged by @tj-dragonblade! I'm not sure if (m)any of these answers will be interesting at all, because apparently I have a bad memory for ships apart from the ones I made fanart of myself, and I haven't read a lot of fanfic for a long long time.. But I've attempted answering these questions anyway!

What ship were you completely obsessed with as a teenager, but now you don’t care about anymore?

I didn't ship much as a teen. I liked the Marauders gang from HP a lot as a kid, tho, likely even in a shippy way. Obviously HP has left a really bad taste my mouth.

Which ship would you consider your first one?

It was probably a HP one, I was properly obsessed with Sirius, James and Remus for a long time, but like I said, I have a hard time telling when I started consciously shipping characters.

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

Hinata and Naruto and it was baaad. I guess it was maaaybe kind of cute, but it was not good.

Do you remember the first couple you saw fan art of?

Not at all. The most likely options are anyone from HP, Death Note, or InuYasha, but it hasn't stuck with me.

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

Nah, the closest I've gotten was the time I got put on a blacklist (or two?) for a shipping Yamato and Sai. I didn't care and so didn't address it, until someone sent me a (kind) message about it. I then explained my feelings about the problematic aspect and the (few) responses I got were 100% positive.

Did you used to have a NOTP or have one currently?

There are plenty of ships I don't particularly like, but I wouldn't call them NOTP's. Except maybe the very very popular ones. I only take real issue with ships that become canon, like a fair few Naruto pairs..

Who were the last couple in the last fanfic you read?

Reading has been hard the last couple of years, so I haven't done much of it.. But it has to have been a Dreamling fic - I'm so excited you've been writing again, TJ 💖

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

MatsuMasa, although they're not my otp in the literal sense. I like them both with Yaichi, and Matsu (non-romantically) with Ume - and the fun thing is that it works all at the same time 😎

Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting into?

Hmm well I'm kinda mad at not being as into Dreamling as you are, TJ. I like Sandman and Dreamling! Very much looking forward to the second season and I enjoy the things you blog about, but it's never been more than a general appreciation. And that's fine, ofc, but it's always been such a joy to be excited by the same things as you haha

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they’re kind of interesting?

Maybe KakaGai? Only I didn't dislike it, just didn't consider it. And I don't think it's kind of interesting, I deeply love it.

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would have been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

I already mentioned YamaSai, but there's also ShisuItachi. Some people say that the latter is incest. It's been too long and I don't remember their specific relationship, but afaik they're not (direct) family, just from the same clan. Can't get too bothered about family trees in fiction.

Kikyo and Kagome from InuYasha is by some considered gross as well, comparable to incest, because Kagome is Kikyo's reincarnation?

Idk, is FjorClay problematic, because Caduceus is canonically aroace? I feel like it's not a super popular ship anyways, but I still like them a lot. In a queer platonic way.

What is your favourite crack ship?

I don't think I have one. Although I wonder if JonGerry from the Magnus Archives could be considered crack ship? They aren't from different fandoms, but they only met once after Gerry had already died. And then at Gerry's request, Jon sort of killed him again. It doesn't really count as a crack ship, but this is my answer anyway

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

Hm, I don't know! The last time I really obsessively read them was in my Naruto era.. So who knows - KakaGai is a very plausible answer.

What do most of your ships have in common?

I guess I most commonly like pairings with a Gentle Giant™ (preferably kind of dumb) and someone grumpy and/or cynical and smart and/or skilful. MatsuMasa, BeauYasha and ShikaChou come to mind.

What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

Hard to explain. Wrong vibes lol. Look I can appreciate love-hate or even hate-hate relationships as much as the next shipper, but there needs to be at least some level of respect/consent/two-way-street? I still dislike SasuSaku, because they very much have none of that from what I remember. They've always been close to a NOTP and then they became canon so..

[authoreeknight]

I keep thinking about what we actually know about Andor. I've spent way too much time speculating about Kenari and I've decided Gilroy purposely left it vague. Even the "industrial accident" story is suspect. That was the official Imperial storyline for Jedha in Rogue One and authoritarian regimes aren't usually imaginative in their lies so I'm betting it's "Atrocity Coverup Story #1". Interesting that the prohibition on travel to Kenari seems strong enough that Maarva didn't want any hint of it in Cassian's paperwork.

We don't even know exactly how old he was when Maarva, Clem, and B2 took him off in their hauler. He looked to me like he was either in or on the edge of his tween years.

The first hard data comes at age 13, when in the aftermath of Clem's hanging he goes after some Stormtroopers. He's subdued, charged with insurrection, destruction of Imperial property, and assault on an Imperial soldier, and sentenced to 3 years in Sipo Youth Center, getting out when he's 16.

He goes "straight into the mud" on Mimban as a cook, according to Luthen, and within six months figures out he's playing Popular Front Battle Simulator on Hard Mode, where your fellow factions can betray you and there are no respawns. Who was he fighting for? No data, though he does call the Separatists "Sep" and he doesn't use abbreviations for any of the other factions, which means to me either he was used to fighting with them or against them, you tend to use verbal shorthand for words you use a lot. Anyway, he decamps in the manner of Pistol in Henry V, stealing home to Ferrix to steal, using the old wreck of a hauler to stash stuff.

At some point he ends up with Clem's Bryar-model blaster. Maarva was smart enough to hide it from him in the aftermath of Clem's death.

Now we don't know when he started up with Bix, either romantically or in the scheme to sell stolen equipment. But we know the stolen equipment bit only goes back two years at most, because that's when Salman Paak got his transmitter. The romantic element has even less for us to go on beyond that fact that it existed. One possibility is before Clem's death and Sipo, but at 12 or 13 it seems more like he'd be sneaking over that wall into her place so he could use her good game controller. I think it's a lot more likely that it was when he was back from Mimban. Say he's 16-19, a toughened teen more or less and pushing all Bix's "bad boy with a heart of gold" buttons and probably adding a few she didn't know she had. Rebel newly without a cause. Whatever it was the evidence is it was pretty intense for both of them. She gets emotional in Ep 7 when she tells him to leave Ferrix ("for good" is implied but I don't remember it being spoken, though "forget about me" sounds pretty damn permanent). At Bix's very lowest point in the hotel after being tortured her brain went to him showing up to rescue her.

*Sniff*

For Cassian's part, when he crept over her wall in Announcement, he was more than a little intrigued at the idea that Timm had suspicions. Then upon his return to Ferrix he's back over that wall straight away and as soon as he learns she's in Imperial hands his only priority is getting Bix out of there, to the point where he'll mostly ignore Maarva's funeral as that distraction gives him his best shot. Brasso has to go spelunking in that tunnel under the hotel to give him Maarva's final message. Once again, we're short on facts, but I think it's safe to say that Bix is the most important romantic relationship in his life up to this point in S1. He sure didn't look up Peezos 'n Green Revnog on Niamos.

To me, Cassian's still enough of a mensch to risk it all to rescue Bix even if there wasn't so much as a romantic ember still glowing.

We also still don't know who told Luthen about him. Bix said it wasn't her and I believe her. That leaves Salman Paak as the only Ferrix person we know for sure met Luthen (according to information from his interrogation). Maybe he gave Luthen a rundown on potentials and Luthen settled on Bix as the most valuable for his current needs while he did his own research into Cassian. But now we're in the speculation weeds again.

I think that's enough for one Saturday night. I'm going to try to cut down my obsessing to an hour or so a week from now on.

[theduckeminence]

△ for Tanggol: have you had psst relationships? If so how were they? How did they end?

△ also for Tanggol: what's your most embarrassing memory?

Level of intrusiveness: 5.5-7ish

(This takes place before Tanggol met Pakku)

“Oh okay um…” Tanggol sits there for a minute, trying to recollect on his past relationships while scratching beneath his headband.

“I know I had a couple few. My first relationship was with a girl Mayumi. She was really nice—pretty too. Though our relationship really didn’t go much of anywhere and she wasn’t one for big or romantic gestures. I didn’t blame her for it though since we were just entering our adulthood—or teen hoods if you will.”

“When I was in my later teens—probably around 18–my second was a girl named Diwata and she…well. She wasn’t the best person in the world to say the least. Was always easily jealous and never liked whenever I talked to friends or other people in general. Her family were the kindest of people, though I never understood why she was the way she was. Though I’m pretty sure it’s because of how spoiled she was—since she came from the main capital where most nobles would be.” Tanggol hums, glancing up in thought. “Hmph, thinking back at it now, I’m glad I broke things off with her. I’m also glad her parents tried to apologize as she attempted to send her brothers after me.” He chuckles lightheartedly. “Ah well, families are families.”

“My third relationship was actually with a shaman named Buwan.” Tanggol continued. “Buwan was bit more of an older gentlemen. Very wise, soft-spoken, patient—and of course, beautifully handsome.” He flushes with a little beam and rubs the back of his neck. “I met with him when I was having some kinda crisis, to which he pointed out what exactly it was—and long story short: it turned out I like most individuals.”

“I never really thought I had interests in men or male-aligning people—up until my 20s. It was there I realized two things after talking with Buwan for a long while. One was that I like men, and two was that I especially like men like Buwan. I can almost remember when my heart fluttered the first time he looked at me and reciprocated my truth. I never felt more happier in any other relationship back then. Being with a man as wonderful like him…”

For a second, Tanggol reminisces about those old days—a part of him wondering how the old shaman was doing now back home.

“And you may be wondering—what could have possibly ended a relationship as wonderful as I said it would be? Simple actually.” Sighing, Tanggol gives a little sadden smile and begins to strum his lute again, playing a vague tune.

“I may have rushed into things far too quickly than he could take. A part of me then regrets for forcing and rushing him into things like marriage and the ideas of living our future together…only to then to come to the conclusion that I was not ready for that, nor did he want that.” Plucking at the thinnest cord, the lute made a short, yet shrilling noise. Tanggol winces at the sound.

“Looking back now, I was probably way over my head in-love to even realize that we should have at least talked over all that kinda stuff before even any sort of matrimony, you know? At least now, I learned to not rush all those kind of things and to never overlook them.” Tanggol hums, giving a more resolving beam.

“And then came along my longest relationship: my wife—or rather, my former-wife.”

There’s a stirring pause to the little tune and Tanggol sits there—with his lute in his hands and a distant stare in his soft gaze as his face falls. For a minute, just for a minute, he can not only recollect, but just reach out—reach out and brush his now callous hands over the fond memories of what was. And what could have been. Of him back home, in the damp jungles of the center of Natuyuta again. The sound of birds screeching their acapellas and insects playing their songs of love and life. Greenery everywhere. Back to his little home where he can feel the earth turn and twirl around him like a dance, where a gentle and melodic voice sings a tune and awaits for him at home. Back to tender greetings, peppering kisses, and asks about his day. Back to the sway of her tube green skirt and silky barong against him when he embraced her with all his heart. Back to her bear strength and how she was able to return the affection—even if it almost choked him. Back to her smile, her laugh, her strong and passionate eyes. Back to her.

“…What were we talking about again?”

Level of intrusiveness: 6

“OH ARAW—ugh um…you see,” Tanggol snickers awkwardly while picking at the helm of his robes, “majority of my childhood up to my late teens is filled with…alot of embarrassing things. And half of them I blame on my old brother.” He huffs with a twitching grin—now slightly wishing he got proper payback .

“Though, in this instance, I guess you can say it was really one me.” Tanggol laughs, flushing now the more he can remember.

“Back when I was a kid, I asked my mom why pineapples had those weird little eye-like textures and she then proceeds to me a story about a girl who constantly asks her mom for the whereabouts for small things—like where her hairbrush was and so on. And when her mother had enough, she told her daughter “If you want to know where your things are so badly, grow some eyes for once!”. And um, long story short: when the mother went to look for her daughter, she ended up finding a yellow spikey fruit with a bunch of staring and blinking eyes at her.”

“So, YEAH that’s how she got pineapples.” Tanggol shrugs with a trying beam. “Sounds horrifying but that’s part of the point.”

“My mom told me this partially for fun and partially so that my siblings and I could learn to be more observant of my surroundings. And this scared me a bit as a kid.” The airbender gestures to himself, expressing the genuine fear he had as a child. “And…what solidified this fear is when one day, I was coming back from herding the carabao and I overheard my brothers getting scolded at by our mom. I kinda forget what it was about, but either way, I thought nothing of at the time. That was until night rolled around and it was time for dinner.”

“When I came back inside, it was just my sister and my mom prepping for dinner but I didn’t see my brothers anyway. I think I asked my sister where they were and she said something like, “oh they’re probably be here eventually” and so I just leaved it be.”

“Until mom took out two pineapples and began chopping them up. And—my ARAW—I have never been more sickened and horrified in my life. I thought my brothers turned into pineapples. Freaking PINEAPPLES. And I just started sobbing at the table.”

“And, oh spirits,” Tanggol facepalms, shaking his head, “while I cried to my mom about this, my brothers eventually joined us.”

“Turns out they had to do extra chores around the barn up until night time rolled around.” Tanggol chuckles, scratching the back of his neck. “Thinking back at it now, I was only 12 at the time. But still, it’s kinda funny now that I think about it.”

[queerticulate]

Stranger Things really makes me reflect on my own youth a lot. And with the last season also especially my journey with homosexuality. It’s an interesting one and I am just gonna go blurt this out on here okay?

I lived in a smallish town in Western Europe and went to secondary education (a combo of middle and high school basically) in the late 00s / early 10s. Times were a lot more homophobic than now. Like, it was collectively acknowledged queer people existed and that they shouldnt be hatecrimed, but it was definitely not something kids were encouraged to imagine themselves as. In my school, no one was out as anything LGBT. Not a single person. Homosexuality and certainly transgenderism were not talked about. Kids who were suspected to be gay got bullied a lot. Teen magazines only talked about homosexuality in terms of scandals - rumors this hot dude or that one might be gay, which he who then firmly deny. My parents did always say it was okay for people to be okay, but always theoretically, not expecting me to actually be gay.

I was an alternative kid. Very gothy for most of my teenaged years. Listened to rock/metal/punk stuff. Was into theatre. At some point through those scenes I started meeting lots of alternative people. I remember knowing one guy who was openly gay. Other than that there was a lot of ‘i am into personalities, not body parts’ going on. My personal brand was ‘i am not gay, but if i ever would fall in love with a girl, i’d be okay with that’. Of course, many of these people later came out. Because I didn’t consider homosexuality as a serious option, a lot of my feelings for girls that definitely were there got twisted in awkward ways. I did the crush on your best friend as a teenager. But because I never really could identify and own up to what I was feeling, it tore the friendship apart. Me and my childhood best friend said to each other we would definitely be in love with each other. I was weirdly fixated on and competitive with a smart short-haired girl in class. When I was out with a friend and some kids on the street were pestering us, we joked we were dating and they challenged us to prove it by kissing. I hoped they would push it to the point we would, but we didn’t. I also did compulsory heterosexuality quite intensely, encouraged by my well-intended by very misguided mother. Preferentially I sought out boys with long hair who wore nailpolish and make-up. I told myself it was because they looked like the rockstars I adored. In truth it was most likely because their gender-bending image got me closer to what I actually wanted. I also preferred guys who were queer themselves.

When sex came into the picture, things got bad. I couldn’t do it. I felt so incredibly disgusted and enraged by the whole idea of it. But I was lonely and scared to be abandoned so I tried to go along with it for as much as I could... all the while beating myself up for thinking I must be so broken.

By the time my first serious relationship ended, I was in uni and the idea of maybe being gay was a little less frightening. Through my theatre club I had also befriended someone who at the time was out as a lesbian. At some point I worked up the courage to ask her if she knew where to meet wlw girls. She told me to tell her if I ever found out. I went back into the closet and started another compulsory heterosexual relationship.

At some point during the relationship I heard the word ace, and thought that was probably me. I ignored the gnawing thought that I also didn’t seem to feel romantic feelings for him. Sex continued to be a problem. So much so, that he kept pushing if I didn’t perhaps have a repressed sexual trauma. At some point he had me in a doctor’s office, trying to officially establish there was something wrong with me. Times started changing though, and there were internet communities where you could talk about gay people and there was more and more representation. Somewhere after crying my eyes out over Orange is the New Black ‘because I will never have that [what Piper and Alex had]’ I must have started figuring it out. After about two years the relationship was falling apart for lots of reasons. At this point I had met a gay dude in uni. I remember meeting up with him and really struggling hard to bite back tears as I confessed that I thought I was gay and had no idea what to do about it. Not much later I broke up with my boyfriend. Me and that gay dude became friends. And online we found this little LGBT club loosely affiliated to our uni. It took us months to work up the courage to go there. When we finally did, I can safely say that it was what finally set me on the right path. I ended up volunteering for it and learned a lot. I started to feel safe to accept my homosexual feelings, experiment with girls, and even feel proud of my identity. Still, I clung to the idea of being bi for years even then. I tried to start things with guys so many times still before I finally figured out that no guy ever felt right for me, because the problem was they were a guy. I had a lot of internalized homophobia to unlearn. It was until I spent a lot of time alone, reflecting, during the pandemic that I finally accepted that I am a lesbian. And still, to this day, I struggle with that word. I call myself gay preferably. I am in my late twenties now, and am yet to find myself my first girlfriend. But boy, do I feel overjoyed with the thought that one day I could marry a girl and call her my wife. It feels magical to realize that is a possibility. So yeah, for me, seeing media where it is established that being queer is not easy, and then having queer characters, queer-coded characters, or characters that I can project onto by thinking them ignorant or closeted, and seeing them / imaging them figuring things out... it’s really validating and healing to me.

[angst-king]

Love Beyond Mortality Chp 9

(Filthy Pride pt4) (warning this chp is all over the place lol, but its a chp nonetheless) Training with Katssuki wasn’t easy but Izuku learned to adapt quickly. He learned to change his sleeping schedule so he could get up even earlier to meet up with Katsuki at his temple. Combat training was brutal and he always came home with more bruises and cuts than his mother could bare to see on him but he was making it home on his own two feet. He always made sure to say hello to the sun on his way to the temple and when he would go to school. He was already staying up late to get his work done when he had trained for the tournament so it wasn’t much different and by some miracle, he was turning things in on time!

Despite the god’s rough exterior, Izuku could see the light behind his eyes any time he mentioned school. He knew Katsuki was curious about mortal life at times but he never asked about it much shutting down his own interest with arrogance. Of course, Izuku was curious about god life too, how different were they from mortals? Katsuki never spoke of his parents, was Allmight like his dad since he was a ‘fathering god’? He seemed to act like a father figure for him, even if the teen didn’t seem to like it.

“You paying attention, dumbass?” The words pulled Izuku from his thoughts, shit he must’ve zoned out!

“Yeah s-sorry” Katsuki rolled his eyes at this and repeated what he was saying.

“You’re coming to Olympus with me tomorrow, the old farts have to meet you.” Izuku looked wide-eyed choking on his spit at this.

“Olympus?!” “Yea yeah, old windbags say we have to bring our prime devotees with us to some dumb dinner. I’m sure you mortals have something similar to when you bring your partner to meet your parents.” Katsuki was right, they did have a similar approach to romantic relationships. Wait did he? No no no.

“Am i meeting your parents?” Asked Izuku, Katsuki shook his head slinging his sword over his shoulder.

“No you’re meeting the other gods, my parents aren’t around anymore.” He said the last part quietly but Izuku could still hear it, they weren’t around? Did they die? He knew gods could die in a sense, they could go dormant as well. That was usually caused by a lack of energy or serious injury that could not be healed through even divine magic!

“What happened to them?” Katsuki flashed him a look, Izuku knew he was treading into personal territory but he wanted to get to know Katsuki more besides his war and sun epithets.

“I don’t know….I hardly remember them, just that one day I was playing with my old man, and the next I was brought to my colosseum by AllMight and told he would take it from here or some shit.” Izuku felt his heartache for the god, it sounded like he was still young when this happened, and now he had lived for who knows how long not knowing what happened to those who created and loved him.

“It’s whatever, don’t look at me like that, I raised myself pretty damn well, didn’t need those two holding me back. If I’m going to be a part of the Olympians I gotta do this shit myself, nothing holding me down, no one to look down on me!” The energy radiating from the god was pure pride, bright and blinding like the light he created with his powers, outshining anything daring to get in his way.

“We’ll do it together” Izuku replied standing beside him.

School was still hard, when Izuku had been one of the only classmates who attended the tournament to come back alive many people weren’t happy about it. It was as if they wanted him to never come back or at most die! They wanted him gone! Now that it had been known the god chose him to be a prime devotee, his peers made sure their disdain for his very existence was clear. They amped up their cruelty, shoving him into lockers, beating his head into the wall, taking his books, slashing up his body and leaving notes on his desk and locker. Many told him he should have died instead of the others. That Katsuki would eventually see just how worthless he was, that he was not even worth dirt.

The only good thing that came from this was the rage he could stockpile and use for training. Training consisted of private combat with Katsuki as well as learning to be the lieutenant to an army beside Momo’s second in command. Those who trained under Izuku knew just how brutal and ruthless he could be and steered clear. Rumors had spread around and many adults who trained under him told others to not get on his bad side. Many didn’t believe the trainees until they pushed Izuku’s buttons. Izuku had self-control and would usually try and ignore or de-escalate things, but training under the war god gave him enough confidence to not let some things slide. This slowly started to bleed into his peers, some started to treat him like a wild animal while others didn’t care and would poke the bear due to Izuku’s lack of care to defend himself in front of his teachers. He had done so once and was put through the wringer for it. At least outside of school, the only consequence was being called names.

For once in his life he felt pride.

“Izuku, sweetheart wait!” Inko called out while putting her shoes on as Izuku prepared to leave for Olympus.

“Huh why?�� “I’m coming with you” “Wait really?!” Izuku asked, Inko nodded. “Yagi told me there was something important for you and Katsuki and asked me to come along. Plus I didn’t want you to leave without your father’s belt charm,” She said while holding out the butterfly charm, Izuku smiled and let her attach it to his waist belt. She stood back with an adorning smile.

“My son’s all grown up, gods you look just like your father when he went to his meeting on Olympus. I remember when you were catching butterflies and sprites in the garden, and now you’re wearing the charm of the goddess he devoted himself to with a god of your own! You have your father’s smile….please don’t lose it, Izuku.” The woman replied fondly, Izuku nodded and took his mother by the hand ready to leave.

They went to Katsuki’s temple the Colosseum, and through the center walk through he brought her to his temple room. The sun illuminated the stadium’s darkest crevices almost in a golden glow as they stepped inside. Their footsteps echoed as Izuku led her to where Katsuki was waiting for them.

Olympus had been just how his mother had described it, a large fairy tale-looking castle. The pathways were bright and led in many different directions. They followed Katsuki to the castle where many of the gods resided for this get-together. Many of the divine recognized Inko and looked happy to see her. Grinning ear to ear, greeting her and her son warmly. When Yagi had been alerted of their arrival he came over.

“Oh good you’re here! Come sit, we can finally make the announcement!” They were brought to a large table where many had seated themselves. Inko had been invited too sit beside Yagi much to her surprise while Katsuki had Izuku seated beside him and Momo’s devotee Yo Shindo, they had started to become friends through their training as second in commands.

“Dude this is so cool, I never thought I’d make it” Grinned Yo, Izuku nodded in agreement.

“Same, I wonder what this announcement is?” “Miss Yaoyorozu said it had something to do with a coming-of-age quest, but she didn’t know the details.” The two whispered amongst themselves until Yagi decided it was time to speak.

“Alright everyone I’m sure most of you know why we are having this. So I will get on with it. We are going to be sending Katsuki, Momo, and their chosen devotees Izuku Midoriya and Yo Shindo on their first trial quest, or coming-of-age quest. This is their send-off party, their quest will take place at the end of the week. They will face many monsters, many dangers, and mini-trials to complete. This will push their relationship, bonds, and skills to the test, and if they are successful they be granted their next steps to becoming Olympians and heroes.” They raised their glass as a toast to their send-off.

Izuku had never been around this many divine entities but he seemed to do just fine while Yo struggled to ground himself, it was either that or his nerves about this trip were getting to him already. As many mingled about Izuku saw Yo fidgeting and slipped his hand under the table to nudge the other’s. Yo eyed him and saw Izuku gesture for him to take in deep breathes, letting him squeeze his hand to relax himself. He sent a small smile as a thanks. The two had grown close as stated earlier, almost as close as they were to their gods though, they considered themselves friends. While they never truly put a title to their relationship to their gods. Izuku surely didn’t know whether he had a crush on Katsuki or not. He adored him deeply and loved working with him. He loved to watch him use his power, or fend off monsters during demonstrations.

“So Katsuki how are you and izuku getting along, have you started sharing your powers yet?” Asked Kayama, Katsuki shook his head.

“Not there yet, though it should be soon, he’s finally getting enough muscle to where i know he wont turn to ashes but I’ve been told I had to focus on his physical strength before lending my power.” “I see, didn’t you say earlier you had something for him for that though~?” It sounded like she was hinting at something, Katsuki blushed and huffed and told Izuku to wait where he was before he got up from the table and left. Many of the goddesses giggled and whispered to themselves leaving Izuku curious. When Katsuki came back he beckoned for him to go back inside the castle. He could feel the god’s energy change even if his face looked annoyed his energy felt flustered and frustrated.

“K-Kaachan, what’s wrong?” Kaachan, a silly nickname only Izuku was allowed to call him. He started calling him that by accident and it just stuck. Katsuki never told Izuku off for it and would act like he never said it though truth be told, nicknames were a serious thing between a deity and their devotee. It was something that strengthened their bond towards one another. Izuku knew only a fraction of how much nicknames meant. He was still learning how to devote himself ad bond towards Katsuki since the god didn’t seem to be the most sentimental or soft. Katsuki let out a soft grumble and grabbed Izuku by the wrist and tugged him into a room with a large stain glass window. This piece of art held Katsuki’s symbol, the sun rising over a sword. The light brightened when they stepped inside casting its warmth.

“Ugh this is stupid” Katsuki growled under his breath as he clenched his fist and looked at Izuku.

“Come on Kaachan, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me” “I-I don’t need your help I just need to get this over with” His voice trailed lowly as their eyes met, a small soft patient smile curled at Izuku’s lips and Katsuki let out a sigh.

“Get on your knees” He commanded though not with anger, Izuku confusedly did as told. There was a soft clinking and rattling noise and then a shiny metal object gleaned in Katsuki’s hand. Katsuki stepped forward and placed it around his neck as he spoke quietly.

“You are my devotee now, mine, no one else. Officially I’m giving you my ability to call upon my power, to be a part of me. You are mine….My…My gladiator.” Once the chain had been clasped, Katsuki wrapped his hand around it and muttered a soft saying before the item on the end glowed a warm golden color then dimmed into its cold metal state. It was a necklace with a small sword on the end. From the energy radiating from it Izuku knew this was a sun blade. Then the realization hit him, he had been claimed. This nickname was Katsuki’s way of claiming him, and bonding.

“I will be your gladiator, my sunshine.”

[mental-health-advice]

Please tag ☔

Hi, I hope you're all doing well.. and I appreciate you guys taking thw time to help everyone seding asks on this blog...

This a trigger warning for possible childhood sexual assault...

How do you know if a memory is fake? There's been something itching in the back of my mind periodically for many years and frankly I'm to scared to possibly confront it in the result of it being true. The thing is I don't really remember the specific event, but I just have this feeling that I might have been abused as a child when I was like 8ish, I'm 24 now. The few things that I do remember is this man, I'll call D, who was a coworker and close enough friend to my Dad that he came over to our house a few times, looking back on it now he had a really weird kind of connection(?) with me more so then he did with my brother who is a year older than me. He just always seemed to gravitate towards me and would rather draw with me then rough house with my brother. D was an artist and so he would draw me things, he would draw my other family things too but the majority of the art was stuff I liked. We still have all these drawings and there's one that, now as an adult, just makes me really uncomfortable. D had drawn a picture of us two smiling heads tilted together like we were looking at a camera, but he drew me as what he imagined me to be as a young adult instead of the child I was, I never asked for that drawing he just drew when he was home and gave it to me the next time he was at our house. He never drew any of my other family members, just me and him. Which I frankly think is a really weird thing to draw an aged up version of your friends child to be about the same age as you are in the drawing. The thing is I know those memories are real. But I have a very distinct memory that I don't know if its real but its so loud in my head when it pops up that I feel like it is. My parents were going to a concert and so D was watching us in the evening until the early morning when my parents would get back. I don't know if my mom had a creepy feeling about him or what but I remember right before they left she came into my room to say goodbye and I just remembered her being really stern with me and telling me that D was not to sleep in my bed with me, even if he asked she wanted to make sure I was to tell him no. I was confused as to why she was saying this and I just told her that I knew that and I didn't want to sleep in bed with him. It was really weird cause she had never said this to me when anyone else had watched us before, male or female. I don't have any other memories of that night. And I don't remember if he ever came to the house again after that night. This "memory" has stuck in my head for years as a weird statement from my mom but it wasn't until a teenager that I kept going back to it as a what if I was abused. I have adhd and my memory is generally bad so I don't remember much from my childhood and I'm really antisocial and I have a lot of intimacy issues so I've never been in a romantic relationship, so one time when I was in my late teens my mom pulled me aside and we were just talking and she just asked me if any of my dads friends ever assaulted me as a child and thats why I didn't ever show interest in a relationship and didn't feel like I could tell my parents. I had said no because I was taken aback by the question and I didn't think I was, and if I had been I surely would have told my parents because I knew even as a child my Dad would kill anyone who hurt me or my brother and that he would've protected me. I'm really scared to ask my Mom about if she knows anything because I don't know how to bring it up or if she'll even remember but I really really feel like I need closure on if this is real or not. I've never had any other memories about anyone else ever hurting me like that, just the thought that D might have. I would like some advice on how to figure out if this is a real memory or how to bring it up with my Mom. I'll be going to a therapist soonish for the first time but thats for something else and I'm a bit to scared to brooch this subject with the therapist until I have more solid answers. Thank you for you time. And I really appreciate all you guys do.

Hey there,

When trying to figure out if a memory is fake or not, I think that it’s really important to trust your instincts and how it made you feel personally looking back on those possible memories and the person you are today. For example, sometimes when a person is abused by another, they may find it really hard and difficult to put trust in another person/ feel comfortable around them in some or all situations and may/ may not have trouble with intimacy. I, of course, cannot tell you if or how you may be able to tell if this memory you are having is fake or not as this is something you really need to explore into it by yourself (if you feel able and are in a good headspace to do so) and try to ask those really hard questions which will hopefully be able to give you some peace of mind or closure of what may have happened when you were a child in regards to with D.

So, how may you be able to bring this up with your Mum?

You mentioned in your Ask that you Mum asked you if you had ever been abused by one of your Dad’s friends, and so maybe this would be a good starting point in which to initiate a conversation about it with your Mum. You could perhaps say something like “you know when you asked me if any of Dad’s friends had abused me, I was wondering what made you ask that” - if she had a feeling that something had happened or if she was just feeling as though something could have happened with D or another one of your Dad’s friends. I think it is really important to try to talk to your Mum about why she asked you and her reasoning behind it, it may also help you to remember and/ or put together some of your childhood memories to help you to better make sense of things. Of course though, and understandably, this will not be easy at all to talk to your Mum about so maybe you could send her a text message when and if you feel able and comfortable in doing so and just letting her know you want to talk about or know more about what she remembers from when you were a child growing up but are not sure how to bring the conversation up. This may be a good ice breaker into starting to talk about this stuff.

I think that it’s really great that you are seeing a therapist soon even if it is for other things other than your memories and possible abuse. Maybe though, after getting to know and feeling more comfortable with the therapist that you see, you may be able to talk to them too about this stuff as they will be best able to help you to cope with whatever may come up and get some closure and/ or being able to leave the past in the past to a degree and moving on to focusing on your future. Of course though by all means, speak first to your therapist about the things you need to, but always know that you can talk to them about these memories as well when you feel comfortable in doing so.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren

[xoteajays]

No! The best part was.. Jin offered his half eaten omelette when they got caught eating, since she was just complaining about them eating most of the food. Before Gun's mother offered to cook more food.

Why are they like this?!

Now it makes sense why these boys prefer all you can eat buffets, the boys really eat too way much for any other restaurants they'd go to.

But salt and salt water on an open wound is the most effective way to torture someone. That would burn. That's excruciating pain for them.

That's what I thought.. No mentions of her mother, her father is dead, Choi was the only family she had before meeting everyone else in this point in her life. Now she has a mother, uncles and brothers. So it's so obvious the becomes this ice queen type of girl because she's always afraid to lose people she cares about. It's why she blocks herself off.

Oh my god! Jin's military pride. Gun's saluting awkwardly next to Jin's side, just so Jin's not the only one saluting them. Yang pulling on Jin's ear until he stops saluting. Jin has a lot of military towards everyone.

And Jin apparently having a YouTube channel where he goes to every restaurant to try their foods, a foodie who's also the food connoisseur. And then Gun saying he'd follow Jin on YouTube for more content just before Jin had to remind him that he stopped making those videos.

My affectionate boys!

I won't say anything. So no spoilers.. This is a big episode, this would be an intensely dramatic episode for everyone. That's all that is said.

Be prepared for anything.

~

Just about everyone in my family is either an addict, or has untreated medical conditions. Sometimes both. I'm no better.. Actually my main addiction is sugar, I consume too much unhealthy foods and drinks in my life. So that's my main addiction I guess. At least one of a few. But my family is on a whole other level than me. Majority of the addicts in my family are mostly from my mother's side, and a few on my father's side. And majority of the people from my mother's side also have lots of undiagnosed disorders and illnesses from their childhoods, which I will say includes trauma from abuses. My whole family is fucked up.

I don't know if you've ever watched the show Shameless. I have never watched the show, but I know enough about it. That's my family. Just way too many of that are completely unstable in any and every ways.

~

What I remember of Takeru. Obviously he was the eldest brother from those three. Apparently the strongest brother too. And he was even a really caring man towards everyone he met (at least to the teen girl in Red Rain). And he only had a sexual interest in women, not girls. That is all I can think about at the moment.. That I can remember anyway.

If Orange does not (somehow) end up in a romantic relationship with Cobra, then I'm stealing him for myself. He's such a really pretty man.

I was stalking through Takanori's pictures on social media... Because I was really trying to get some ideas for Cobra's character. To hopefully figure out his character out. Not completely sure yet. But who knows.

Oh! And I was stalking through the High&Low pictures on media too.. I forgot how many close up pictures they have to some of the places - mainly the places in Sannoh territory (like close up pictures of Itokan diner). So that might help me visual some areas better, whenever I'm writing my story. The visuals may really help people figure things out.

I feel like Cobra would already be there helping the Rascals during the fights just before Rocky (and Koo if he's not already there) show up to get involved. Koo and Kizzy are always complete opposites though.

Oh! I forgot. I guess Cobra was a smoker in the show? Because there was pictures of him smoking cigarettes. But you never see him being a smoker in the movies.. Regardless of what the relationship between Cobra and Orange is, maybe she just convinces him to stop smoking.

It's been a while since I've watched the actual show, not the movies.

~

There are a few fandoms that I want to write for, but have not written for yet either. Hopefully I could get around to writing for those stories too.. I don't know. We'll see. But I hope that I can write those fandoms at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later. No promise though.

I might have a few Korean face claims.. So far only one of them would be female. At least for now. AleXa might be the female face claim that I'll use for a character. And I might have male face claims. Maybe. But I'm not completely sure which fandoms I might use them for yet.. So I have to figure that out. Maybe I'll figure it out what fandoms that they could be used for whenever I get a chance to work on those fandoms.

~

Exactly. I'm too neutral about the Sweet Home show. I didn't hate the show, but I didn't love the show either. So I'm neutral about the series at the moment. And Sweet Home is based from a webtoon series just like many other popular Korean shows. But it's not surprising that the plot diverged from the comic halfway through the first season which I have mixed feelings about. They could've kept some things the same.

And, yes, they should flesh out the characters a bit more.. Even just a little more than in the first season. I hope they do flesh out characters though. But I guess we'll find out when the new seasons comes out.

Oh! And as for the shapeshifting monster.. I realized that he is Hwang Min-sung, the gay character in Vincenzo. So I knew I recognized him.

I think the most disgusting scene in All Of Us Are Dead, to me, is how they had to make their own homemade toilet.. That skeeves me out. I am completely disgusted at just the thought of that. That is so gross.

jin offering the omelette that had been in his mouth and ju's lil 'ew' face at it. that's so brother/sister relationship. can confirm as someone who has an older brother. i know they're boxers and dudes and they work-out a lot, but jeez they eat a lot. and so quickly too!

gun was so lazy about his salute, he kept trying to sit back down but jin's so serious. gun having to explain to lee about jin's military pride. jin's so dramatic about it.

~

i watched a little bit of shameless, but not a whole lot. my parents finished it (or my dad at least). nobody in my family is that bad, well, no one that's still in my family. one of my mum's sisters has broken her family away from the rest of my maternal family over some big drama that i can't even remember the reason for.

but yea, nobody but me and my brother have actually been to any form of therapy. i was briefly on medication, but then my mother convinced me to go off it. i personally think at least 90% of my entire family needs to get psychologically evaluated, for either mental disorders or illnesses.

~

yea, eldest, strongest, cares a lot about the people around him. i need to rewatch red rain. for takeru, but also hiroto development. and also shizuka development.

takanori is so pretty! i haven't been on his insta, but i've been watching a lot of jsb videos and they have a tiktok that i've clicked through. and i watched a couple modelling/photoshoot videos. he's so pretty!! all of them are!

cobra's kind of like the head of the whole sword alliance in a way. i feel like he's always on top of it when things are going down. so if he hears about trouble happening in any of the other territories, he's showing up to help, even if only by himself. kizzy's happy to see him (i think from that scene with her talking to miho that she has a little teeny crush on him), but koo's a lil embarrassed that he couldn't handle it on his own.

i'm ignoring most of the smoking in the show. except for like. hyuga, tsukumo and kohaku. cobra, spit it out, put it down, no.

~

oh alexa is so pretty! i love her blue hair and blonde/silvery hair. ooh and she's so short too. i might need to use her an fc, i don't have enough short short ocs. i haven't decided on a bloodhounds oc fc yet, might put her on the list. beefy tall boys and their tiny short gf. boxer boys and their knife gf.

wait look at the height difference ~~~~ (gun/oc/jin)

i love height differences aaaaAAA

~

i think it's always a little bit hard to develop a lot of characters in such a small amount of episodes, but i feel like they could've done a little bit better with it. like i wasn't overly connected to any of the characters so when the sad things happened to them, i didn't really?? care???

oh the shapeshifting guy was pretty. he was kind of a douche iirc, but i genuinely do not remember anything about him tbh. did not let sweet home hang around in my head for that long tbh. beyond go min si. because she was so pretty. sassy ballerina girl~

oh bleugh. it's one of the reasons i could never go camping. like sorry, im prissy. i need Things. air conditioning and a decent bed and working facilities. i've been camping once and couldn't even sleep for the two nights because i was so uncomfortable and paranoid.