Four times you almost admit your feelings for Natasha, and one time you do
Summary - To you, Natasha was an angel, to her you were just a friend.
Words: Just over 3k
Warnings: Blood
A/N: Idk if anyone will, but I need writing ideas, so if y'all have any feel free to send them over
You were known around SHIELD for your tact, or lack thereof, when it came to someone you liked. Throughout your ten years there, you had become a level eight agent, one of the high ranking. While most SHIELD agents worked in groups, strike teams, you preferred to work alone - it was faster and easier. One of the most infamous teams was Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff, two of your friends.
The three of you, plus Maria, Bobbi, Coulson and Laura sat on couches in the Barton's house. Nate squealed as Clint swung him around, pretending to be a rocket ship and threw him on the couch next to Laura.
"Again!" he cried happily, clapping his hands together, "Again!"
Laura laughed, the sound soft and filled with a certain motherly love. You hoped you could laugh like that one day. Subconsciously, your eyes drifted towards Natasha. Her red hair was let down, cascading just past her shoulders as she tilted her head back to take a swig of beer, her green eyes sparkling with enjoyment that could light up a thousand dark rooms. She noticed you looking at her, smirking at you with those red lips that always seemed to be twisted into a smirk when she looked at you.
"Time for bed mister," Laura growled playfully, snatching up Nate, "You guys start on presents, I'll be back."
"Woo!" Clint let out a whoop, a more carefree side shown of him when around friends and family, but it could also be attributed to the few drinks he had. Maria rolled her eyes, swatting him on his shoulder to sit him down. She herself was without a drink, instead choosing to sip on the occasional water. Coulson held him down affectionately, gently taking the drink from him and placing it on the table.
They had done secret Santa this year, everyone secretly getting assigned their own person for gifts. Bobbi went first, giving her gift to Maria, which was a gun holster, matte black with blue accents. Coulson had Bobbi, having gotten the woman a brand new set of batons. Maria had Clint, getting him a pair of earplugs, an inside joke that caused a laugh throughout the room. Clint had you, giving you a mug that said, "Best Partner", to which Natasha scoffed since you weren't even his partner. And you had Natasha.
You gently placed a small box into her palms, seeing little scars littering them. She took it carefully, smiling at you as you returned to your seat. Her slender fingers untied to bow as you waited with baited breath, and she pried open the box.
Just a few weeks ago, you had gotten it for her, considering it a present when you would tell her you liked her, and yet you chickened out, giving it to her now instead. It was a gold bracelet with an hourglass symbol as a charm in the center. She took it delicately in her hands, flipping it over and her eyes examining it.
"I love it," she declared, looking up at you with a soft grin.
I love you, you nearly said, but held back at the audience. Despite that, Maria was looking at you with a knowing look, her brows slightly furrowed.
"Thanks," you swallowed, "I'm glad."
^______________^
The world felt fuzzy as the blackness behind your eyes cleared, bright lights shining down on you. You blinked, trying to clear the blinding white that seared into your pupils. After a brief moment, the lights dimmed and were replaced with an angel.
At least, she looked like an angel. Natasha stood above you with a soft, teasing smirk, and muscular arms folded across her chest.
"Hey," she greeted, leaning back, her red hair swaying as she did so, "How you feeling?"
"Good," you slurred, your mouth still sore from getting your wisdom teeth removed, "drugged."
Natasha laughed, the sound lighting up the room and bringing a sparkle to her eyes, "Well duh," she rolled her eyes playfully at you, "You're still on some painkillers." You grumbled, words hard to form right now with your back gums so sore, "Steve went out and got smoothies, I brought yours up here," she held up a smoothie cup filled with pink liquid.
She reached to your bedside table, grabbing her own drink as she passed you yours. Her lips wrapped around it, slurping up the last of the drink. You drank your own, faintly aware of Natasha's eyes on you. A small groan escaped your mouth, the smoothie was absolutely divine.
"That good?" she teased.
You nodded your head, loose strands of hair brushing against your cheek. Reaching forward, Natasha brushed it back behind your ear, a soft smile on her face. A fiery brush lit up your cheeks, one that caused Natasha to smirk once more.
"I'll leave you be, call if you need anything ok?"
"Nooo," you whined in your drugged state, "stay with me."
A laugh burst from her mouth once more as she stood from her seat, "I can't, I have stuff to do."
You pouted, a few words on the tip of your tongue, but I love you. You barely refrained from saying them, a clear bit of sense holding back. Natasha sauntered out of the room, taking the brightness with her.
^_____________^
Your legs burned as you weaved through fallen bodies, victims of the whirlwind that you, Natasha and Clint were. As your fingers reloaded your gun, depositing the empty cartridge with practiced ease, even as your heart raced inside your ribcage, you pressed your index finger into your comm.
"Romanoff, Barton, come in?"
Static answered you, the sound crinkling in your ear. You cursed, positioning your hands on your gun as it was reloaded, rounding the corner carefully. More bodies greeted you as they scattered the floor with Hydra logos decorating their helmets and gear. Blood wept from their wounds, a silent testimony to their ruthless death.
"Romanoff?" you called again.
Only now did you realize how hoarse your voice was from smoke inhalation and screaming over the gun fire, words scrapping against the walls of your throat. A wound bled from the base of your leg, seeping into the pools on the floor. Ignoring the pain, you tried again on the comms, this time receiving a voice.
"Y/L/N?" Natasha voice was shaky, one of the rare times you heard it like that, "Where are you?"
"Romanoff?" your fingers pressed the comm into your ear, "Where are you? Where's Barton?"
"Clint's calling evac, I'm on the west side near the exit."
You stumbled over a body, your legs losing their speed as your lungs burned, "Understood, on my way."
The corridors tried to lead you the wrong way wherever you went, and despite how morbid it was, you simply followed the trail of bodies. After what felt like forever, although probably just a couple minutes, you caught a flash of red hair.
"Romanoff!" you called, forcing your legs to pick up.
As you rounded the corner, Natasha whipped around, her red hair brushing against her face and scrunching around her cheeks. It was a mess; stray strands having fallen out of her ponytail that sat atop her head.
"You're ok," she breathed, rushing over to grab your shoulders. You ignored the flutter in your stomach at her touch when she grabbed your cheeks softly and turned your head side to side. "Are you hurt?" she asked, staring into your eyes.
"No," you scoffed, regretfully batting her hands away, "I'm fine. Are you hurt?"
You ignored the sting in your leg as you did a quick check on her.
"No," Natasha shook her head, "Come on, let's get out of here."
She turned around ready to leave, her slender fingers grasping your hand, tugging you along. Before either of you could take a step, a gunshot echoed throughout the corridor. You barely had time to think before you shoved Natasha to the ground, forcing her out of the way of fire.
You gasped as you felt blood drip down your back and front. Your fingers came up to grasp your stomach as another gunshot came off. Natasha had a snarl on her face as she had her gun raised and pointed at the attacker. Faintly, you heard a body fall behind you, smacking onto the concrete floor - just another victim of the Black Widow. Scrambling off the ground, Natasha caught you before you fell. A strangled gasp of pain escaped you when her hands pressed on the wound in the center of your back.
"Sorry," she whispered, lowering you to the ground, "sorry."
You whined as the gunshot was pressed onto the hard floor, pushing on the bleeding skin and leaving an imprint.
"It hurts," you whimpered.
While you were a high level SHIELD agent, it wasn't often you got wounds like this.
"I know," Natasha soothed, her hands pressed down on your front, "I know. Hang ok? Clint's got evac coming. Talk to me, what are you doing this weekend?"
The corners of your vision turned blurry and black while you processed her words. Rather than answering her question, you reached down to grab one of her hands, looking at it carefully. Blood coated her pale skin and perfect nails, your blood. It dripped down to the bracelet on her wrist, the golden one you got her for Christmas, coating the sparkling chain in a sticky layer of blood.
"Hey," she pulled her hand away, "Don't look."
Your eyes fluttered shut before you regretfully opened them when Natasha shook you.
"Alright," she said, removing her hands from your wound, "Put your hands there." She ordered. You did as she said, pressing your hand onto the gunshot.
Natasha placed one hand under your leg, and the other under your back, coating her arm in the blood back there. You winced, almost crying out in pain as she lifted you up bridal style. The redhead grimaced at your pain, readjusting you to be more comfortable. Your head fell onto her chest, eyes drooping shut.
Her breath was warm as she muttered, "You stupid idiot, why would you do that?" She glanced down at you with a scowl, one that forced your eyes to open all the way.
"Because your my friend." you muttered, eyes falling shut. While really all you wanted to say was, 'Because I love you.'
"Stay awake," she ordered, her footsteps steady as she carried you.
"Don't want to." you grumbled, eyes falling shut once more.
^_______________^
A sleek dress fit your form as you laughed, leaning back onto the couch. Tony stood atop the coffee table, iron man gauntlet in hand as he chugged a shot, whooping and hollering. The rest of the avengers, plus Maria and Pepper sat around you, their laughter echoing.
Your gun wound had healed nicely, leaving two lumpy scars on either side of your body.
Tony jumped down, his grin crazed and hair wild, "You know what?" his tone was louder than necessary, "We should play Spin the bottle."
It was met with a round of groans, yet Clint grabbed an empty beer bottle and placed it onto the coffee table where Tony once stood, spinning it first. Clint grinned as it landed on Maria, the look teasing - almost like a younger brother.
Maria grimaced, "No." She shook her head as Clint neared her, sticking her hands out, "Not happening." Clint batted her hands away, leaning in and giving her a quick peck on her cheek.
Making a disgusted face, complete with a scrunched nose and furrowed brows, Maria shoved Clint to the floor. The archer fell with a grunt, pouting up at Maria as she wiped her cheek with the back of her hand.
"Your turn!" Tony crowed, gesturing eagerly at Maria. He once again held a new drink, a glass cup filled the brim with some alcoholic substance, "And it has to be on the lips now!"
Pepper pulled Tony down when he had stood, forcing him to sit on the couch. While she rolled her eyes, Maria still spun the bottle, the glass stuttered to a stop with the nose pointing towards Natasha. The brunette raised a brow at the assassin, looking for permission, and when the redhead shrugged, Maria gave her a peck on the lips. There was the slightest blush on Maria's cheeks as she walked back to her seat.
"I guess that means it's my turn," Natasha shrugged as she spun the bottle loosely.
It spun slowly around the table, the nose slowing to a stop right in front of you. You twisted in your seat when Natasha did the same, your knees brushing together. The redhead looked at you questioningly, making sure it was ok. You nodded. Heat creeped up the back of your neck, tinting the tips of your ears.
The redhead leaned in, a faint smirk on her thin lips. She placed a chaste kiss on your lips and you could faintly taste her lipstick. It ended all to soon when she pulled away, leaning back into the seat. By now you felt like your neck was on fire. Tony laughed, cackled really, as he took a sip of his drink.
"Someone got a crush?" he asked, gesturing towards you, his words slurring slightly.
"No!" You protested, crossing your arms, "I do not!" You really did.
Tony made a disbelieving noise and Maria looked at you skeptically. Ignoring them, and the fiery blush on your cheeks accompanied by Natasha smirk, you spun the bottle.
^_______________^
The Hulk roared as he was set loose, strands of Bruce's clothing flying. Bullets wiped around you as he took off, smashing the turrets that fired at the group. Dirt coated your face, mixing in with the blood as you sat crouched behind a dirt hill, pistol in one hand and a knife strapped to your side. Natasha sat panting next to you, her suit stained in blood that would once again wash out.
Steve and Tony were no where to be seen and Clint wasn't here. Steve was most likely already in the base, having attacked from the other side. This was supposed to be simple, take out a base and leave, but you had received the wrong information and walked into an ambush. Beside you, you could heard the click of her gun as Natasha reloaded and checked her widow bites.
"How many do you have left?" you asked. Your voice was breathy as you heaved for air.
Natasha took a minute to reply, "Five widow bites and ten bullets."
"Take this," you tossed her your spare magazine.
It was probably a stupid thing, but you still had a full one in your gun. You would manage. Natasha scowled at you, but didn't argue. Well, she didn't have time to argue because you launched yourself over the hill the minute gunfire paused. Sliding down, your feet carried you forward, body ready for a fight. The Hulk bellowed ahead, destroying all the turrets that stood in the way. Natasha was hot on your heels, catching up quickly. The battle field was eerily empty, sure you had The Hulk, but it was odd it was this empty. Faintly, there were gunshots that echoed through the valley, and finally you caught sight of Tony flying above you.
"Tony?" You pressed your finger into your comm, firmly securing it back into your ear from when it had fallen out.
"Y/N?" he responded, and you saw him glance down at you and Natasha, "How are you guys holding up?"
Natasha had passed you by the time you responded, "We've been better."
"Speak for yourself," Natasha scoffed playfully.
"Steve is working on securing the other side of the base, I'm going to go help him."
"Copy that."
While he was out of sight, you could still hear The Hulk smashing small shelters around the base. You and Natasha skidded to a halt when you came face to face with large metal doors, looming ominously above you, burrowed into a large hill.
"Wouldn't it be nice if these were just unlocked?" you joked, catching your breath.
Natasha rolled her eyes, tugging at the doors. They opened with a creak and Natasha glanced at you with a confused look, causing you to shrug helplessly. The two of you entered cautiously, guns and widow bites ready to fire. Yet, nothing came. A cold chill blasted into your faces as you crept through the door. The hall was dark, illuminated only by a few lights on the concrete walls. There was a single door at the end of the hall.
"Well this is ominous."
You received no response as Natasha crept forward, with you following behind.
The door in front of you burst open, vines sprouting forward and encompassing the walls. Natasha scrambled back, shoving you with her. The vines, coated in brown thrones, tore through the room, just barely missing you. A woman, really a girl, stood in front of the destroyed door. A collar was wrapped around her neck and her eyes dazed. She eyed you and Natasha with horror, her hands shaking.
"Leave!" she cried, "It's a trap! Please leave!"
"Hey," you soothed, "It's ok." You raised your hands in a gesture of peace as you slowly crept forward.
"Y/N." Natasha warned behind you, her gun raised.
"No!" the girl screamed, taking a step back, "Leave!"
"We can help," you told her.
Before you could comprehend what was happening, there was a sharp pain in your stomach. You glanced down with strangled breath. A vine, coated in bloody spikes, slowly slid out of your stomach. The girl let out a cry of pain as you slumped to the ground. Blood poured from the wound as you heard Natasha call for backup.
She sprinted past you. Your vision blurred. You heard Tony whizzing in as blood pooled onto the ground around you. Coughing, blood splattered on your chin. You weren't sure how long it was before Natasha kneeled next to you.
"Hey," she whispered, pulling your head into her lap, "Hey look at me."
You blinked, trying to focus your vision, "I don't want to die." Tears welled in your eyes.
"You're not dying," Natasha said harshly, "You're not."
Coughing once more, blood splattered onto her.
"I don't want to die," you cried, clinging to her as she pressed her hands on the wound, "Please Talia."
You weren't ready to die. You still hadn't told Natasha you loved her. You didn't want to die. You didn't want to die.
"Tony!" Natasha screamed, "Do something!"
Tony stood off to the side, staring at you in horror, "Nat..." he trailed off.
"No," she shook her head violently, "You're going home."
You looked at her green eyes, shining with tears as she looked down at you. Her face was still coated in dirt, little specks of blood from when you coughed. The world felt so fuzzy. Your mind cleared; you were dying. You were going to die and there was nothing she could do about it.
Shaky fingers reached up to cup her face, catching some her beautiful red hair in you bloody fingertips, "I love you," you whispered.
She freezes her frantic movements. With wide eyes she moved her eyes from your stomach to your face.
"I-" she hesitated.
"Don't just say it back cause I'm dying," the words were forced past your lips, just barely making it through your wheezing breaths.
"No," she said harshly, "Don't say, you're not dying."
"Nat-"
"I love you."
The words were all you needed to succumb to blackness edging the corners of your vision and blur in your brain. Natasha screamed your name, pain lacing her tone as your eyes closed.
"Y/N!"
She pressed her head to your chest, searching for a heartbeat, and yet she only met with the sticky feeling of blood.
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