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fandom-strumpet · 2 years

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My Crazy Life- Part 1

Summary: Y/n is an undercover detective working for Lestrade. When she finally returns back to her normal work, things take a turn for the stranger and she finds herself wrapped up in Sherlock. She comes to adore him but things take a turn when her past comes to test her.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, crazy ex

Word Count: 2,363

A/N: I’ve had this fic buried in my wips for almost a year. Enjoy :)

You were in a rush that day. MONDAY. Your 2 hour work break became a 30 minute break so you were waiting impatiently for your favorite soup to be done at the coffee shop. Granted, it was only 9:40 in the morning but damn you needed their chicken pot pie soup. Little did you know, a certain John Watson was waiting for the same thing. He shuffled in place, checking his watch for the second time in as many minutes. He clears his throat which causes you to turn around to check out the noise. Your eyebrows went up in surprise at seeing the famous detective’s best friend.

John caught your eye contact and smiled nervously, “Uh… Hi.”

“Hi.” you grinned.

“Y/N!” THe barista shouted.

Turning back to the counter you nodded a thanks to the girl and took the bag out of her hand. As you’re walking to the door you turn your head around slightly for one last look. John held his hand up to say goodbye and you smiled, giving a slight wave back. This definitely made your day better. And back to work you went. You dreaded seeing your coworker but knew a shift with her couldn’t be that bad.

~8 HoUrS lAtEr~

The end of the day came. You were wrong. It could be that bad. The fire department ended up having to come out. How could it be that someone much older than me needs supervision? Ridiculous. It was nearing 6 o’clock now and you were supposed to be off at 5:30. You shook your head and sighed. Stepping outside you felt the cool air and the rain sprinkling. You were so glad you walked to work that day, cloudy rainy London was your favorite weather. You popped open your umbrella and started walking, allowing your mind to reminisce on the morning events. You wondered if you would ever meet the great detective himself. Finally you arrive home and shut the apartment door slowly with a sigh. After violently kicking your shoes off you plop down into your arm chair. Ring ring ring. You groaned and tossed your head back. You leaned over and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” You said tired.

“Good news, Y/n.”

“Hmm?”

“You don’t have to be undercover at the store anymore. One of the delivery boys confessed and the whole operation is down.”

“Oh thank fuckin god.” You palmed your forehead.

“Excuse me?”

“Sorry Inspector Lestrade,” you say hurriedly trying to regain your composure, “I meant thank you sir.”

“Much better. You’ll be paired up with Anderson again tomorrow morning. Rest well.”

With that, he hung up and you slammed the receiver down, collapsing with a groan at the thought of working with Anderson. The most annoying twat of a man to exist.

~The Next Day~

You shuddered involuntarily. You had seen a lot over the years but this was new. The man lay flat on his back, his eyes open in a dead stare at the ceiling. He was covered in blood and bruises. The part that gave you chills was the large hockey puck stuck halfway in the corpses mouth, distorting his face into a ghoulish grin.

“I need everyone out for 2 minutes.” A cool voice stated.

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows and turned in your crouch looking for the person who just spoke. You gave a shocked expression when you saw him. The great Sherlock Holmes. Anderson and Donovan always complained about him but you found him utterly fascinating. “Uhhhh…”

“I need room to think.”

“Hey- you’re that girl from the coffee shop- uh. Y/n right?” John asked.

“Uh yeah.”

“How come we’ve never seen you before?” John questioned.

“I’ve been undercover for a while.”

“Hmm…” Sherlock cocked an eyebrow and studied you for a moment, “You can stay.”

Anderson started, “But what about-”

“NO.” Sherlock raised his voice, sending a grumbling Anderson away to close the door hard on his whiny exit.

“Time of death, Watson?” John checked the corpses eyes.

“Approximately eight hours ago.”

Sherlock muttered, “So about 2 am?” Using a pen, Sherlock lifted its upper lip, “Broken teeth. He wasn’t as careful this time like he was with the other one. He was in a rush.” Sherlock tilted his head and started to walk around like a vulture.

“Other?” You questioned - immediately regretting it. The men paused and stared at you.

“You don’t know?” John asked.

Sherlock answered for you, “Of course she doesn’t. She’s been undercover and with a coworker like Anderson, I’m sure she needs to be caught up still.”

Your face flushed and you silently cursed Anderson. He was going to be getting an earful from you later.

“Interesting…” Sherlock pulled a strand of hair from the dead man’s hand.

“Inspector Lestrade!”

Lestrade strode in, “Yes, Sherlock? What did you find?”

Sherlock placed the hair in an evidence bag. “Run DNA tests on this, whoever it belongs to is the one who killed this man.”

With that, Sherlock walked out the door, John in tow.

“Have a good day.” He turned to you and slightly smiled. You grinned like a fool watching the pair walk away. You knew a great many adventures lie ahead with Mr. Holmes.

Going down the stairs, Sherlock remarked coolly. “You should ask her out.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You should ask y/n out on a date. You got flustered seeing her.”

“Alright,” John nodded, “I will. Wait for me?”

Sherlock absent mindedly nodded, standing still on the sidewalk by John. John thought you looked like an angel the way you descended the staircase. You gave a big smile, seeing Sherlock and John outside the apartment.

“Did you guys wait for me?”

“Yeah- I was wondering if you would like to go out and get fish and chips with me tomorrow? At lunch?” John spoke fast.

“Sure.” You smiled back, eyes darting to Sherlock’s face.

Sherlock tilted his head, a quizzical look in his eyes at the way you glanced to him.

~ Months Later ~

Was it wrong that you felt excited when a new murder popped up? Granted you weren’t excited about people dying but you knew there was a chance that Sherlock would be there. Over the past couple months you had grown increasingly fond of the Detective. One would dare say you were even crushing on him. You swore you would take that secret to your grave. Unfortunately, you still felt the need to squeal, like some school girl. You let it slip one day to Donovan and she barked a laugh.

“Seriously? Of all the guys in the world and you’re into the freak?”

“He’s not a freak.” You defended, cheeks burning.

Donovan huffed teasingly, “Whatever. You were always a little weird anyway.”

Your phone buzzed in unison with hers and you both looked down to check to find a text from Lestrade on another case. You were so close to being done with your shift. Gear was almost all packed away.

Donovan huffed again in irritation, “Our job is never really done, is it?”

You shook your head with a bitter laugh and followed her out the door.

~At The Scene~

When you arrived, the scene had already been taped off. One of the EMT’s was outside puking. It seemed like it was going to be chalked up to a messy break in gone wrong when one of the techs yelled. One of the bookshelves looked out of place so when the tech moved the shelf to see what was behind, he saw the wall. Lestrade called another tech to help move the shelf. There on the line green wallpaper, dripping in blood was a symbol. You stepped into the room to see symbol and your blood turned cold. You had seen that symbol before.

Anderson passed by you with a smirk, “What’s wrong miss pale face? Never seen writing in blood before?”

Your hand flew up to Anderson’s forearm in an attempt to steady yourself.

“N- n- nuh- “ your eyes rolled back and you collapsed, Anderson lurching forward with the sudden increase of dead weight pulling on his arm.

“Medic!” He shouted.

You started to come to as they were loading you in the ambulance. One of the paramedics leaned over you,

“Hey, can you tell me what your name is?”

“Y/n.” You muttered weakly.

“Awesome. Do you remember what happened y/n?”

You shook your head no.

“You fainted, and we’re taking you to the hospital to check your head just in case, okay?”

“Ok.” You closed your eyes again, the lights were practically blinding you, the smell of the sanitary ambulance flooded you as you somewhat enjoyed the great grumbling feeling the ambulance gave off as it started to move. You gave a little giggle. It was like being in a dragon. Oh yeah... I am definitely concussed.

~At the Hospital~

“Heard you fainted.” The detective tsked. “Bit unprofessional in your occupation.”

“Haha,” You rolled your eyes sarcastically.

“My question is why?”

You shrugged your shoulders, too tired to fabricate a good excuse at the moment. Sherlock didn’t seem to want an actual answer as he continued,

“It’s that symbol. You’ve seen it before, haven’t you? Of course you have.” Sherlock leaned forward in the hospital chair, his hands clasped and his fingers pointed upward where he rested his chin.

“Are you deducing me?” You felt yourself blush as the heart monitor started beeping faster. You wondered how many times Sherlock had deduced you. Secretly you always loved the idea and wondered if he ever figured out much you liked him. No. If so he would have said something.

“The symbol means something to you and whoever drew it knew you were going to see it. An enemy?”

John now stood in the doorway. Your eyes darted to him and Sherlock turned to look at him.

Then John spoke, “or something more powerful- like love? Ex-lover with a grudge to bear?”

John pursed his lips and looked to Sherlock. Sherlock nodded solemnly and looked from John to you.

“Love does make them do crazy things.”

Your face became grim and you snapped,“You could always just ask me you know.”

John grimaced and Sherlock leaned back, “So tell. What does this symbol mean to you?”

You took a deep breath and sat yourself more upright in the hospital bed.

“You were partially right. It’s a symbol me and my ex-boyfriend shared.I designed it.”

Sherlock furrowed his eyebrows and John crossed his arms and said, “like m and h forever kind of thing?”

“Mmhmm. We would sign letters with it and…” your voice faded off. You almost felt embarrassed sharing this, like some child.

“What. Is. His. Name.”

You shuddered involuntarily, goosebumps appearing on your skin. Your stomach started to churn, the memories between you and Jim had been suppressed in your mind. You weren’t ready for a psychotic break in opening Pandora’s abusive box of emotions. Your hands came up to your head pulling at your hair and you pulled your knees in. You hadn’t had an anxiety attack in almost a year but you were close.

“I want to be alone now.” You muttered

“Y/n,” John started.

“Get. Out.”

“No. You need to tell us who he is. He’s out there killing and there will be another dead body soon if you don’t cooperate.” Sherlock stated coldly.

You had never seen Sherlock use this cold side of his personality with you and it was pissing you off.

“I said GET OUT!” You threw a cup against the window, causing a nurse to run in at the commotion.

“Gentlemen, you need to leave now.” The nurse said firmly.

“Fine.”

Sherlock bent down to retrieve the cup and put it back up on your side table. You could feel your mind going 100 miles per hour at that point. The nurse closed the door again with a heavy thud and turned to you.

“Honey I need you to calm your breathing down, okay?”

You nodded shakily.

“That’s it- just deep breaths in and out.”

Inhale. He’s coming. Exhale. He’s coming.

“I’ll get you some more water, okay? Is there anything else you need?”

“Some crackers maybe…” you whispered, laying down on your side to hug a pillow tightly.

You could hear the heavy thud of the door as she left. A lot of time must have passed with you staring at the wall but it felt like she was right back.

“I’ve got your discharge papers hon, just need a couple signatures. And here’s your water and crackers.”

You took the clipboard and hastily signed both pages.

“Your clothes are on the bench.”

“Thanks.” You smiled, giving her a nod.

The nurse left and as soon as the door closed you practically threw yourself out of the bed. You scrambled to get dressed. You had a lot to do and little time to do it before the brewing psychotic storm hit. Sticking a cracker in your mouth you almost missed the little business card Sherlock must have sneaked onto the tray when you weren’t looking. Shaking your head you shoved the card in your pocket and rushed out of the hospital.

“Cab!” You yelled, waving one down.

The cab couldn’t get to your apartment fast enough. You took a breath of relief when the deadbolt slid into place. You nearly had a heart attack when you turned and looked at the counter. A present. Wrapped in a box like a birthday gift for a child with a giant bow on top. With a trembling hand you lifted the tag to read.

Hope you have a happy birthday darling. Miss me? I miss you. Let’s chat soon. -love JM

Hesitantly you opened the present. The sound of ripping paper filled the room and then a gasp. Inside the box was the most beautiful jewel necklace you had ever seen. It lay majestically on the red velvet and you wondered how many people he had to kill to get his hands on this prize. You choked back a sob, your relationship with the crime lord was over and whatever he wanted could only mean trouble.

#bbc sherlock #sherlock x reader #sherlock fanfic #sherlock fanfiction #Sherlock Holmes #sherlock x y/n

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raisinghellonstarbug · 3 years

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Stumbled Into Laughter, Stumbled Into You - A James Acaster x Reader Story

Basic plot: The year is 2019, and life has been quite dull for you since working in a job that you hate for the past two years after graduating from university. You used to do stand up comedy at uni, but you’ve been putting off pursuing it due to lack of confidence and motivation. Your best mates decide to encourage you to try a comedy mic night for the first time ever and while there you incidentally run into an old mate of yours, comedian Rhys James. That’s when your life gets turned around as you end up diving into the world of the comedy circuit and becoming close with other famous British comedians. In the midst of it all, you end up meeting a particularly distinctive red headed fellow who might end up being the very thing that brings meaning to your life again.

A/N: Hello Acaster fans!

So this was an idea I have had in mind for the last few months and I finally finished the first chapter of my story!

Just so you know, the first chapter does not include James, but be patient as he will appear soon (but maybe not quite as soon as you hope). I do reckon it will be worth the wait for his appearance, or at least I hope the story is still enjoyable! It is a slow burn so if you are an inpatient person, then this story might not be for you ;)

You can read this chapter below or if you prefer, there is also the link to the chapter posted on Ao3 right here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33748507

Rating: M

Chapter 1 word length: 2326

Characters: James Acaster (duh), Original Female Characters(s), Original Male Character(s), Rhys James, Ed Gamble, Nish Kumar, Josh Widdicombe

Relationships: James Acaster x Reader/you, Original female character/Original Male character

Story tags: Romantic comedy, domestic fluff, slow burn, fluff and smut, British comedy, eventual relationships

Tagging: @laurabeech @rilannon @jasclearwaters @marklily @queensantiagoofthe99

Chapter 1 - Summer 2019

You were sitting at your desk at your mundane job, practically ready to blow your brains out on the usual, dull Thursday afternoon. It was really warm and stuffy inside the fifteen story office block building situated in Canary Wharf. This was a place you found yourself five days a week, doing the typical 9 to 5 hours. A usual day for a usual person.

Your job wasn’t a particularly riveting one. As an underwriter for an insurance company, some days could get especially boring. You knew how to do the job well, but it was not something you really loved. It involved all kinds of clients and claims in paperwork and it sometimes felt tedious and unfulfilling. But hey, it still paid your share of rent and bills. At least you could say you could manage in the hustle and bustle of the London lifestyle.

It was nearly hometime and you were itching to get home and relax. But before that could happen, there were those last set of insurance cover forms you had to copy to get sent to the HR department. And so you typed away on your laptop, clickety clack, clickety clack… the minutes went by like a chalk on a blackboard, scraping away at a snail’s pace.

You put your full force of concentration on the documents on the screen until it was finally done. A sense of achievement was necessary in these moments despite your lack of enthusiasm. It was in the little victories you reminded yourself. You rubbed the sweat from the July heat off your forehead.

* * *

The last 2 hours eventually passed by and it was soon the rush to get out of the door before you got held up by your colleagues. They were nice enough, but sometimes they could hold you back for half an hour chatting when you just wanted to get home, or your manager might try and get you to stay an hour overtime.

Thankfully you did get out promptly, and as you ran and dashed out of the office building saying brisk goodbyes to coworkers, you managed to make it to the tube with the train just arriving on time. But not without being moderately sweaty and hot though. Bloody stuffy platforms.

As expected it was still a busy train with plenty of 5pm finishers getting themselves situated on the half crowded carriages, but as it was only 10 past, it wasn't the worst time of day for commuting yet.

You perched yourself on one of the tube’s seats and let your shoulders drop, having held the tension in your body from sitting at a desk all day. You placed your head slightly back, balancing it on the window of the train. You looked up momentarily above you and then lifted your head back up to look at your phone and choose a song to listen to on Spotify through your wireless earphones.

The streams of sound from one of your favourite songs began to play softly in your ears and you smiled, knowing that the song gave you a little bit of wistful joy. You started mouthing the words.

Call it all for nothing, but I'd rather be nothing to you. Than be a part of something, something that I didn’t do (Best to You - Blood Orange).

The words half mean something but not necessarily anything. You began to wonder about being part of something that you’re not.

I just wish I could float away from my unexciting existence… you thought to yourself.

It sometimes occurred to you that you might have wanted something more out of life, but weren’t entirely sure what. It doesn’t make you dreadfully sad, but you know that life for you hasn’t exactly been the best it could be, and that perhaps something was missing. You wish you knew what it was.

You sighed, ignoring the feeling of sorrow wash over you momentarily and propped yourself back up in the uncomfortable seat of the train. You tried to keep yourself awake so that you wouldn’t miss your stop. The music continued through your ears.

* * *

You opened the door of the three bedroom flat that you had been residing in for the last two years with your flatmates and sighed with relief that you had finally reached home. You hurried to get your handbag off your shoulder and your shoes off, placing them on the rack next to the front door and walked through the hallway.

The minute you poked your head through to the lounge, bellowing a faint hello to whoever was around, you were suddenly greeted by one of your best friends and flatmates, Grace.

“Ahh Y/n! You’re home. Thank christ!”

She grabbed you and reached her arms around to embrace you tightly. You were perplexed by this gesture as it was so random and unusual given that Grace lived with you and saw you everyday of the week. You frowned and reluctantly placed your arms around her to return the hug.

As she then let go, she looked at you with urgency in her eyes and shrieked with excitement, “Oh Y/n guess what? It looks like I’m up for a promotion! Can you believe it?”

Now processing the reason for such an embrace, you raised your eyebrows in glee and smiled proudly, gushing back to your best mate who was obviously chuffed by the matter.

“Oh wow Grace, that's fantastic! I mean, finally. It is about bloody time!”

She smiled, “Yes I guess it is. But I mustn't get too excited. I haven’t officially got the promotion yet.”

“Ah but no. I’m not having any of that. You will get that promotion. It is a guarantee. They would be idiots to not give it to you.” Grace rolled her eyes and bit her lip. She reluctantly nodded and agreed.

The smell of food distracted you momentarily from the conversation. It was a particularly appetising smell.

Grace uttered, “Yes that smell is good isn’t it? Theo insisted on cooking us a nice meal for me as a celebration.”

You smiled knowingly, having known about how Grace and Theo had been in relationship limbo ever since you three became close friends at university. You knew they both had feelings for each other but often danced around the subject, completely oblivious to one another’s obvious attraction to the other. You reckoned they had to do something about it one day.

“Thank fuck. I wasn’t prepared to make dinner tonight. I am too tired for that.”

Grace then had her worried face on. She instantly knew, as she knew you too well, but funnily enough never picked up on Theo’s emotions despite constantly wondering about them, that something was wrong.

“Are you ok babe?” she asked with a look of pity that you scornfully resented.

You sighed, half lying, “Yes. I’m fine. Just tired is all.”

You made a beeline for the couch knowing full well that you were going to talk about it whether you liked it or not. You knew that Grace would see right through your dishonesty and insist that you told her the problem.

So you waited until Grace inevitably sat next to you and gave you that sympathy look she always gave you before coming out with the concerns that were floating around your brain.

“OK fine. I know you won’t leave me alone unless I tell you.”

“Ahh, you know me so well…”

“Yes, just as you know me. I’m just- I’m fed up. Work was slow. I don’t really feel like I’m associated with my life. I feel... disconnected, I guess.”

“Do you have any idea why?”

You shrugged and looked down at the floor and then back at Grace smiling sheepishly, “I don’t know. Maybe I’m not- not fulfilled? I just don’t thoroughly enjoy my life right now.”

Grace nodded and put a hand on your leg. You twitched your face in slight discomfort. You hated it when you were given sympathy for something that seemed so miniscule. It wasn’t like you were dying.

It was times like this when you just wanted to curl up in your bed, eat a tub of ice cream and watch your favourite comedy programmes. 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown sprang to mind.

As you sat in momentary silence for a bit, Theo came waltzing through from the kitchen with his silly apron on that had a naked man’s body printed on it, and a spatula in his hand. He smiled at you.

“I thought I heard your voice. I hope meatballs for dinner are good tonight. Not mine of course,” gesturing to the apron as he said it.

You shook your head at Theo’s poor dad joke and stood up to hug him. You realised that you must be really down in the dumps to be hugging Theo. It was his turn to be confused. He looked towards Grace wide eyed.

“She’s had a particularly tough day. But mind you babe, you’ve kinda been like this for weeks now.”

You let go of Theo and turned to Grace, frowning and feeling slightly defensive. You placed a hand on your hip.

“Been like what? I’ve just been a bit fed up, that's all.”

“Yes but it’s not just a bit fed up. You said so yourself you feel disconnected. We’ve been waiting for you to say it.”

You looked to Theo and he nodded gently in agreement.

“Ok… but, nothing is really wrong exactly. My life is fine.”

“Fine, yes. But not amazing. We know it’s getting you down. And the job is the problem.”

“But I’m good at it. And it pays the bills. What else am I supposed to do?”

Grace then looked away from your eyes then, twitching her lip and looking as though she was holding something back. She then sighed and began to admit something you had not been expecting.

“OK look. We know what you can do. Theo and I have figured it out. We can manage money wise. It will be tight, but if you quit your job we should be able to help you out for a little bit.”

Your eyes grew wider than large saucepans. You were totally bewildered and your mouth slightly agape.

“What? Quit my job? Why? What work would I get instead?”

“Well, maybe you won't quit your job yet. Maybe you’re right, that's too hasty. Perhaps what I’m trying to say is-”

Theo then chimed in, “-what Grace is trying to say is…”

You smirked to yourself. How do they not realise that they’re already a couple but without the sex? They’re practically married for christ sake.

“...we reckon that you need to pursue your passion. Perhaps stop wasting your talents in an office job that you hate.”

Grace continued, “yes exactly. We have had an idea in mind. See, we want you to go to this thing… it’s no biggie but well, we’ve already booked it for you.”

Your mind was racing. You couldn’t understand anything that they were saying to you. It was all too much for you to manage.

“Booked what for me? What the hell are you both going on about?”

They both looked at each other with reluctance, pondering the moment and whether to tell you the whole truth. They both shrugged and Grace was then pulling her phone out, this whole conversation beginning to appear as though they had been trying to practice it.

Suddenly Grace’s phone screen was wavering in your face. You moved your head closer to see a photo on the screen. It was a comedy club night poster. Incidentally, it was an open mic night event happening on Saturday night. You began to then put the puzzle pieces together. You folded your arms and frowned heavily.

“What the fuck have you two done now?”

Theo softly spoke, “We… booked you a slot to do that comedy open mic event thing, on Saturday night.”

“Wait. As in to perform? You can’t be serious-”

Grace tried to reassure you and grabbed your arm.

“Look, we know it might seem daunting, but we just wanted to see you happy again. It’s been two years since we graduated and you haven’t performed since then. We thought it might be good to encourage you to perform again. You were always funny to us. And people at uni thought so too. You have the stand up talent, Y/n.”

You could not process anymore. You shook your head in disbelief and placed your head in your hands, rubbing your eyes from sudden exhaustion. You then threw your hands up in exasperation. It was not possible. You could not do that again.

Fucking no way. I can’t be on stage again! It’s too scary. University pub nights are one thing but a comedy club?

You shook your head again and placed your hands on your hips. Grace tried to speak up again seeing the frustration painted across your face. In fact it was anger that your friends chose to do this without your say so.

“Y/n…”

“No. Nope. I’m not doing it. No.”

“But Y/n, we were also going to tell you that Theo is also thinking of doing the same thing! He wants to do his music again. What harm would it be for you to rejuvenate your comedy skills? Surely you can write a quick couple of gags. Nothing strenuous. You have your old material from university, right?”

You had to get out of the room. Nothing that they were saying to you could be fully accepted at that moment.

You then gave them no choice but to let you go with your head in a flurry. They both watched you leave the room, mumbling something along the lines of I’m not really hungry anymore, I’m going to bed. Soon after, you darted across the other end of the hallway, ill-tempered and almost seething, and slammed your bedroom door shut.

#james acaster #james acaster fanfic #james acaster x reader #james acaster x you #original female character #original male character #original story #off menu #eventual romance #slow burn

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shurisneakers · 3 years

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shut in [12]

Summary: When your high profile mission goes terribly wrong, you’re forced to hide in a safehouse with a man you’ve never met before. With seemingly nowhere else to go, you’re forced to work together to figure out who is trying to have you assassinated before it’s too late. (Sam Wilson x Reader, Hitman AU)

Warnings: anxiety, ptsd, abuse, death

Word count: 2.7k

A/N: two more chapters to go after this + an epilogue i haven’t written yet fdkjghdfkhg. things pick up next chapter don’t worry. i’d love to know your favourite parts so far if you have any!!

i also appreciate feedback so if you would like to, please consider dropping me an ask or comment ly guys!

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Previous Part || Shut In Masterlist

Your first home, from what you could remember, was the overcrowded hall you shared with kids in and around your age.

There was too much noise. Always too much noise.

Even when the children were in their classes, there was always someone whose cries you could hear in the distance when they realised they had nowhere else to go, peals of laughter during lunch breaks, excited whispers when someone came to visit, nervous excuses when belongings went missing.

The orphanage you were brought up in was no place for a child. It was underfunded and an utterly miserable sight. But you made your first friends there. A fiery redhead and a boy who resembled a puppy with his shiny blonde hair and blue eyes. Their names escaped you now.

Within structured schedules and learning to stow away candy left behind by volunteers so that they weren’t taken away by others, you found relief. You didn’t have a family. Caregivers came and went more than the seasons changed. But maybe what the girl and boy gave you came close. As close as six year olds could get, anyway.

They were picked before you. The red head left first, and a few months later was the last you saw of the boy. You often wondered where they were, how they were doing. You never truly got answers, but it wasn’t like you went searching.

You waited another year. They didn’t return. By then a man with a leather jacket who suspiciously wore sunglasses indoors had filled out the paperwork for you and two other kids. You had never interacted with them before until then. A few years down the line you were the only one of the three that remained anyway.

Your second house was in a dark hall. You weren’t allowed to roam around on your own; no one cared if you were 8 or 18. If you needed to be out of the way, you’d be out.

The man who pulled you out of the orphanage you never saw again. A secret adoption, you found out years later, so that no one would know of your existence. All the paperwork he filled out would have mysteriously been destroyed. To the world, you never existed and outside the organisation you were simply another kid who slipped through the cracks.

He disappeared after you were introduced to another who looked to be in his late twenties. He nicknamed you Buttercup, introducing you as the newest member of his cartel. He told you you were delicate, that he’d give you purpose you didn’t think you could have.

The room was inconceivably small. It barely squeezed in a bed and a small closet with a few changes of clothes. It was dark and congested but it enamoured you. Something to yourself. You didn’t have to fight over it with others who had just as little as you.

The man let you hang around with him. He’d show you the artillery, the large fighting rings with men in them beating each other half to death, the rooms he’d hold meetings with where the lighting was a little darker than the rest. He said it made him look menacing and they needed that where he was working. You giggled.

You found a home with the man who was razor sharp and acidic but insisted it was out of love. You wanted to impress him so badly; begged him to let you in the ring, to wield a gun. He’d only shake his head no, saying that he was waiting for the right time.

For two years you were invited to see what would happen if someone disappointed him. Your first encounter with death was a man who had dared to run away. A bullet in his head later you realised that was the best way to kill someone. His favourite way. And you just wanted to be his favourite.

He didn’t take it easier just because you were ten. He only stopped them from fully killing you.

“All these broken bones will heal,” he had said, “but you will always remember the pain. The minute you forget, it will happen again.”

So you didn’t forget. You observed and tried, and kicked yourself twice for every one mistake you made. Every time you’d look towards him for approval, he’d shake his head and point out everything wrong. You hated it. You hated it so fucking much.

The rage you kept building had only one outlet, the one he provided. So it became instinct. It was all you knew.

You found a home with a man you wanted to impress so bad, you never stopped to ask for what. To him, it was repayment for giving you purpose.

When you were fourteen you realised that no, the feeling in your stomach wasn’t from the previous week’s sparring session. It was butterflies. And for the grumpy new kid nonetheless.

He was your age, but missing an arm and couldn’t remember how or why. You didn’t ask him many questions. He was silent, and a little grouchy, which you didn’t like. But you did like when he offered his hand to you after a fight and you did like the nice smile he occasionally had.

You found a new home with his silent company and non-judgemental looks. He always seemed a little sad, like he was searching for something else. He was an excellent marksman and wasn't bad at hand to hand either.

He’d hang around your new room, one that was bigger than your initial place. You’d talk about new techniques you picked up. He talked about how he wished he remembered where he came from.

He was a friend. You needed one.

You remembered the night you were roughly shaken awake to the same boy saying he was going to be taken in the morning to the other centre. A permanent shift for reasons he didn’t know.

You didn’t get a chance to ask how or why, but in the flurry of him explaining that he had to go before someone noticed he left his room, he pressed a kiss to your lips in a rushed goodbye and ran back to the darkness. You were dazed for the rest of the night. You didn’t see him in the morning.

When you asked Ransone why he was gone, he mutely said that he was a distraction. You couldn’t afford one. He didn’t explain any further, no matter how much you begged.

Similar friends found themselves entering and exiting your life just as this boy did. You stopped keeping track. It hurt too much to wake up one morning to learn they weren’t there. You wondered why the influx of kids never stopped if you weren’t supposed to be friends with them.

You realised years later that they were sent there to be ripped away from you as soon as possible. To toughen you up.

He wouldn’t get rid of something immediately, not if it could be used to hurt you.

Your first mission was when you were fifteen. It was a small time thing; go threaten a man in his house so that he thought twice before crossing Ransone again. You did exactly as you were told, except while you were leaving you heard the cocking of a gun. You spun around and shot him in the shoulder, temporarily disabling him as you left. He cowered on the ground.

You couldn't find anyone as you stumbled back to the centre. There wasn’t a friend who you could vent to. All you had was Ransone. He congratulated you on your first shot, ignoring the trembling of your body and the redness that rimmed your eyes.

You realised that his approval didn’t mean so much to you anymore. If your only purpose was to harm, it wasn’t what you wanted. Not like you had a choice.

Then there was Scott, only brought in for minor things like breaking and entering. He was a funny one and you found yourself spending more and more time with him whenever he did show up. You pulled away when you realised that he was going to end up gone like the rest of the people when Ransone realised that you were paying more attention to him than you should.

He was a sneaky one though; climbed in during nights only to disappear by dawn before anyone saw. He was infectiously light, different from the darkness you were used to seeing. You sought out his brightness, his warmth and he happily gave it to you in unlit corridors and midnight trips that had your adrenaline spiking.

Scott lasted longer than anyone else. They didn’t consider him important enough to pay attention to and he never gave them any chance of doing it. He was, what you wanted to believe, your first love. Or what it felt like anyway, love was scarce and so you clung onto whatever he offered.

There was a home in Scott that you wanted to keep alive. You found solace in his flustered repetitions and occasional cheesy magic trick. He made you laugh, and it lit up his face when you leaned over and kissed him gently.

When you got the news that he was killed in a heist gone wrong, you didn’t feel anything for days. The man who broke the news to you looked at you with undertones of pity.

Everyone knew it wasn’t an accident.

You didn’t bring it up with Ransone and simply ignored it when he called it a good riddance even though he would be missed. If you listened to everything he said, you were afraid that you would just kill him.

It was excruciating. You didn’t have anyone to talk to. Only Ransone, as he kept reminding you.

“I’m the only one who cares about you, Buttercup,” he cooed and you clenched your eyes shut. “We’re family.”

No more relationships happened after that. Occasional coworkers-with-benefits but nothing that crossed that. You hadn’t had a friend in years, and Ransone was more than pleased to keep it that way. He was the only constant you’d had your entire life, willingly or not.

People were placed in your way to only inform Ransone of what new updates were in your life. Once they sent whatever information he needed his way, they’d automatically be removed. Everyone had a hidden agenda. Everyone had a specific reason to want to talk to you.

You just let them. What was the point of trying to hide it? You weren’t going to escape any time soon.

“Your only home,” Ransone reminded you, “is here with me.”

You rebelled, many times. Some looked like they would last. In the end you’d return to his dingy office for your next mission because as much as you despised him for the things he had done to you, the guilt over the things he had done for you overshone. Having him as your enemy would be worse than having his convoluted sense of love shoved down your throat until you were forced to accept him.

And that’s what it had been like until now.

You try and take in as much as you can of the house you’re standing in right now. What you used to find restrictive and a crude form of punishment, you found calming. The mundane nature of everyday life was charming.

It wasn’t a vacation, you reminded yourself. But the same feeling of emptiness returned every time you thought of your next move.

You didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want to go back to what you once thought was a home.

You’d eat a thousand dry peanut butter sandwiches over and over again for the rest of your life before even considering going back. You didn’t care for the lack of twenty-first century technology.

You were feeling things you had shoved away years ago because it wasn’t a life meant for you. Now that you were forced to live it and see what it could be like not living in a fight-or-flight mode every second, you can’t see how you ever survived this long.

But still, you had told Ransone that you were returning, and it was a promise he would expect you to uphold.

You tried to remember as much as you can of your time here. The way the sunlight feels against your skin in the morning, the sugariness of the jelly that was basically finished, the worn out tactical clothing from the wardrobe, the leather of the couch clinging to your skin as you rewatch the same three movies time and time again.

You tried to remember the first time you were introduced to the target board, and the range you and Sam had crafted together. The path to the specific tree and back on your runs and the grass that had wilted along it from contant treading.

You sat on the porch stairs for hours, leaning against the pillar for support. The first house you lived in was too loud, the second was too quiet. But this; this was just right.

Sam joined you eventually in the silence. You were grateful for the company.

“Have you decided on a day?”

You nod, looking straight ahead into the darkness. “Tomorrow.”

“You sure? Our timing has to be right.”

“Yeah.” Your voice is coarse. “I’ll have to tell him.”

He nodded, leaning his elbows on his knees. He was too tall for the stairs, looking like he was crouching instead of sitting.

His voice dropped to a whisper like it’s a secret only meant for you. “In case Ransone sees me and decides to…”

He gestured lewdly, sighing when you peer at him in confusion, “...kill me, you need to continue-”

“Stop talking,” you interrupted him quietly. You don’t even want to think about that possibility.

“It can happen. I hope it doesn’t, because it’s a waste of a perfectly good face,” he continues but you just shake your head, trying to drown him out. “Then promise me you’ll do your best to get out. This life isn’t for us, Y/N.”

“I’m not going to let you die,” you muttered. “Not this time.”

“I’m not saying I will, honey,” he continues in a hushed tone, not disturbing the silence built around you, “But it’d make me happy knowin’ that at least one of us gets a shot to live another life. And I know you make good on your promises.”

You were so tired. Of everything. Knowing that you’d be dragged back into it only made the pain sharpen.

“Scout’s honour,” you vowed. He let out a smile at the memory of the last time he used it, lifting his arm to put over your shoulder as you scoot in closer to him.

You sit like that for who knows how long. The night fell hours ago but you don’t want to let go.

“It’s gettin’ pretty late,” he commented.

“I don’t want to go.”

“You’re gonna need some energy for tomorrow.” He’s right, but you don’t want to admit it.

“It’s your turn at the bed tonight,” you evade it.

“You can have it,” he debated softly. If it was your last day there, then he’d do anything to make it the best one.

You’re stuck by an idea but you weren’t sure how he’d react. It wouldn’t be a big deal on the surface but you hadn’t ever done it before.

“Would you maybe-” you trail off.

“We can share,” he finished your thought, pulling you a little closer. You needed comfort. He knew that.

“Thank you,” you whisper.

He only pressed a kiss to your temple, letting you sit out for as long as you needed.

Calm.

The woods provided excellent coverage while also giving him a clear sight of the house. The two of you sat on the porch together, speaking quietly to each other, out of earshot.

It didn’t matter what you were saying now. He had already heard what he needed to hear.

“Get ready,” the agent said hushedly into the intercom, “they’re leaving tomorrow.”

Next part

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navalcriminalimagines · 4 years

Text

Backup

Request by @wow-life-love4 ❤️ : So I was hoping to request a Barba x reader; Where the reader sees Barbra back when she goes visits Carisi and she has those feeling again what she had years ago when he left!And he finally accepts the fact that she was the one as well!!!!!(Throw some angst in there I’m dying for it with fluffy ending)

Words: 3,530

Tags: @crying-river

Sorry for the typos. Enjoy. ❤️

Based on 22x04 Sightless in a Savage Land. (Of course)

(Gif isn’t mine)

*Carisi’s office*

Since Sonny got his new office, you found a comfy place on the floor, against his furniture. That’s where you were even though your former partner wasn’t there yet. There was this new case that came up in the night before, he had a few meetings while you were working on your laptop, coffee right next you and Sonny’s on his desk.

He came in a few minutes later, smiled when he saw you. He threw the box he was holding on his cabinet and sat on his desk chair. When he spotted his coffee, his smile grew wider. “You’re the best,” he said, taking a big sip.

“I know,” you smiled. “How’s the case going?”

“I’m going for murder 2, and we’ll see,” he shrugged.

One thing you love about your friendship with Sonny Carisi is that silence is comfortable. There is no awkward silence. While he worked on his paperwork, you were on your laptop. Shopping online, actually. You rescued a car a year ago and the little ball of fur has been scratching on your couch ever since. It was completely destroyed now and you needed a new one.

“Dom,” you called your best friend. “What do you think about this one?” you turned your laptop so Sonny could see it. It was a nice three places blue couch, Scandinavian style.

Sonny wheeled closer to you and bent down to look at it. “I won’t fit in that one,” he said. He’s been crashing a lot at your place for the past two years.

“Stupid long legs,” you teased him. “Although, in 4 years, you’ll be sleeping in my bed, so—“ you turned the screen back at you and kept scrolling.

Sonny laughed at that. “Only if neither of us is married,” he reminded you.

“Doesn’t look good, Dominick. I’m telling you,” you exclaimed. “You seriously need to prepare yourself to spend the rest of your life with me,”

“Wouldn’t have agreed if I wasn’t. Although, that’s not the story I wanna tell our kids,” still laying in his chair, Sonny was facing you, his legs spread as always.

“Why not?” You exclaimed. “It’s cute! Two best friends that made a deal to get together to avoid forever loneliness!” You paused and realized what he said. “Wait—kidS?” you asked, making sure the ‘s’ was heard.

“At least, four, Y/N. You know I want a big family,” Sonny told. This conversation seemed like completely normal between although it wasn’t.

“Then pry I’ll give birth to quadruplets. Cause I’m not getting pregnant four times,”

“Don’t underestimate the Carisi’s power,”

You and Sonny stopped talking for a moment, just staring at each other, until you both started to laugh. “This conversation is nonsense,” you said.

“I agree,” you heard from the doorway. You and Sonny turned like one man, to look at the man standing there. You didn’t have to look at him though. You recognized his voice from the first sound.

“Barba,” Sonny was the first to greet him. He stood up and offered his hand. Both men shook hands and Rafael’s eyes stopped on you, still sitting on the floor. You looked up to him and tried to keep a poker face. But god, he looked more handsome as ever. The beard. You asked him multiple times to keep the beard, when you and Rafael were seeing each other.

“Detective,” he greeted you.

“Counselor,” you quickly said and got your attention back on your laptop. You can’t let him see you still have feelings. And that you’re mad. Hurt, even. Rafael never made a promise to you, you two weren’t actually dating per say, but you wished he gave you a goodbye. Not just—leaving.

“What can I help you with?” Sonny rescued you.

“Mickey Davis. Can we talk about it?” He said.

You felt both men’s gaze on you and looked up, “Oh you want me gone?” You said and Sonny nodded. You stood up, put your laptop in your bag, and walked to the door. “Chinese. My place?” You asked Sonny, completely avoiding Rafael. Your best friend agreed and you would be lying if you said you didn’t hope it would make Rafael jealous.

*****

Sonny showed up at your apartment around 8. He was welcomed by Mania’s purrs, he crouched down and pet your ginger cat for a moment. You were sitting in your - destroyed - couch, with a glass a white wine. Carisi knew that seeing Barba after all those years messed with your head.

“How many?” He simply asked.

“Not enough!” You said, but you were obviously tipsy already.

He’d been there many times. He knew that trying to fight to make you stop drinking was useless. So instead, he grabbed a glass and joined you on the couch. Mania jumped on your lap. “Wanna talk about it?”

“I’m just going to say the same things I’ve been telling you for the past three years,” you said, focusing on your cat.

“But now, he’s back. And I don’t think he liked what he heard,”

You looked at Sonny, puzzled, waiting for him to continue. “He was—cold. Unfriendly. And he left saying ‘Enjoy the chinese—and the company’”

“It doesn’t mean anything, Dom. Three years went by. He probably has someone,” you were on the urge of crying but you were fighting yourself. You cried enough for Rafael.

“His lost,” Sonny put his arms around your shoulders and kissed your temple. He gave a pat to Mania, and extended his legs on the coffee table. You rested your head on his shoulder and a few tears escaped.

“Why am I not over him? Why does it still hurt?” You asked. Sonny hummed in response and you continued. “I wish we were married already. I would be committed to you, and he wouldn’t live rent free in my head,”

Sonny giggled, “You sure ‘bout that?” He asked. “Know that cheating is a deal breaker for me. Thinking of someone else while you’re with me is cheating, somehow. So technically, you’re already cheating on me,”

“I’d make up to you, but we’re not there yet. You refused to seal the deal,”

It took Sonny a few seconds to understand what you meant. “And think about Barba while I’m making love to you? Noooo, thank you,”

You grabbed the wine bottle and poured yourself another glass. Mania wasn’t pleased about you moving around so he jumped onto Sonny’s lap instead. “I need a good dick,” you sighed, laying back on the couch.

Sonny wasn’t expecting you to say that. Or at least, not like that. He was taking a sip and choked on wine. He coughed a few times, which made you laugh. “Need me to remind you what happened last year?”

“Noooo, thank you,” you mimicked him. The last year was a mess. You got drunk at Forlini’s and left with a stranger. It was okay at first, the man was good looking and very cautious with you. The sex wasn’t great. He came really fast, you didn’t have time to get pleasure. When you tried to leave, he offered you to stay with puppy eyes, and you caved. The next morning, you tried to sneak out but he heard you and he didn’t want to let you go. So you texted Sonny, asking him to call you and pretend an emergency. Thank god he did. But a few weeks later, you met the guy again at Forlini’s. It lead to a few weeks of stalking from his behalf, until you went all cop on him.

After eating chinese, you went back to drinking as Sonny stopped. You two watched some terrible show on tv until you fell asleep on his shoulders. Used to that, he moved you to your bed and crashed on your couch, with Mania cuddling to him.

*****

You showed up many times at work with hangovers. You were used to pretend you were okay and your coworkers pretended to believe you. The morning went slow, until he showed up.

“Barba!” Fin was the first to see him. “Liv isn’t here,” he continued.

“I came to see all of you—in private?” Fin, Amanda, Kat and yourself looked to one another. “I don’t have all day, detectives.”

They stood up and followed him next to interrogation rooms. But you stayed put. “Y/N,” Rafael softly said.

“Three detectives is enough,” you said, without looking at you. If you looked at him, you’d caved. And you can’t do that. He doesn’t deserve it. Not so easily. Not just because he is his handsome self.

“I hope chinese with your future husband was good,” he answered, bitterly and joined the others, closing the doors behind him. You sarcastically laughed at that. Was it jealousy? You hoped so.

A few minutes later, Liv came in with Garland. He gently greeted you and asked where were the others. You told them without thinking further. And in a minute, Barba was in Liv’s office with her and Garland. Your coworkers went back to their desks but no one talked. “Fill me in?” You asked.

“In so many words, Barba needs our help,” Amanda told you.

“He’s defending the man that Carisi is prosecuting. That’s not fair to Sonny,” you told, anger started to show up.

“Carisi can handle it,” Fin said.

“Damn right he can. But you’re making it harder for him! Our ADA is Carisi now, not Barba! He left me—us,”

You knew it was too late. Your anger toward Rafael just surfaced and the entire team now knows something had happened. Mostly angry at yourself from letting your emotions get the best of you, you grabbed your jacket and left the squadroom.

You drove to Sonny’s office and stormed in it without knocking. He immediately saw your red eyes, and furry in them. “Barba asked the squad for help! And I think they are in!” You were pacing in the small place, making Sonny’s head spin. “They are going behind your back for him! They are helping him, knowing it will make it harder for you! He just—snapped his fingers,” you did snap your fingers, “and they are all in! I can’t believe it,” you were breathing hard, fighting your tears and your anger. Sonny stood, grabbed your shoulders and brought you to his chest. He held you tight as you cried in his chest. He could feel your body shaking. You stood there for a long moment until you calmed down. Sonny let you go and grabbed you a tissue. You dried your eyes and blown your nose. “I’m sorry, you must be tired of me. I’m a fucking mess,”

Sonny was leaning on his desk, arms crossed and legs spread. “Nah, you’re not, Y/N. You’re my best friend and you’re there for me as much,” he softly grabbed your hand and rubbed your knuckles, “Now tell what you’re really mad about,”

“Him. He comes back and tries to act as if—nothing happened. Like we were nothing. Ever,” you took a deep breath, “it just hurts me all over again,”

“Now that he’s here, maybe you should ask for the explanations you’ve been waiting for? You need closure, honey. You deserve it. And yeah, it may not be what you want to hear but at least, you’ll know and you can finally move on,”

“With you when I turn 40?” You tried to joke.

“Or that guy from last year,” he grinned.

“Shut up, Carisi,” Sonny pulled on your arm to bring you to him. As he was leaning on the desk, you were the same height. You put your arms around his shoulders, and his hands were in your back. “What would I do without you?” You whispered in his ear.

“You’d be stuck in a relationship with a weirdo, and probably pregnant by now,” you laughed at his words.

“That would terrible. I’d be so frustrated,”

“Uh, I’d help you with that,”

“Dominick Carisi Jr, isn’t that a sin? May I remind you, you refused to seal our deal,”

“Because if it went bad, I didn’t want you to ask Fin to be your backup,”

“Wouldn’t have worked anyway, he found Phoebe,”

Really, what would you do without Sonny Carisi in your life?

*****

His words didn’t leave your brain. “You need closure, you deserve it”. And maybe he’s right. You do deserve closure, even if he tells you everything you don’t want to hear. So when the trial was over, and Barba invited everyone for a drink, you joined in. You sat between Sonny and Kat, Rafael was across from you. You could feel his gaze every now and then but you tried to avoid meeting his eyes.

“Cheers,” Rafael said, holding his scotch.

“To what? Jury deliberated for 6 hours to find Davis guilty on murder 2 and we’re back to the start,” Sonny answered.

“To irony, then,” Rafael offered instead.

Everyone got interested in Rafael’s past three years. He explained that he traveled for a while, catch up with foreign family in Cuba. He mentioned meeting a woman there but when you heard the word “girlfriend”, you stood up and went to order another glass.

“Y/N!” You heard from your left. You turned to see the man that stalked you the year prior. “Good to see you,” before you could react, Kyle was hugged you. “Been a while,” he smiled.

Not enough. You thought. “Indeed,” you gently returned the smile.

“May I offer you a drink?”

“Thanks, but I’m with my friends,” you pointed towards the squad. Sonny saw the man from behind and he saw in your eyes you were in trouble. But instead of helping you, he was just—laughing. Bastard.

“Maybe later then? Or another day?”

“Kyle. Last year, I threated you to put you in jail for harassment. That threat still stands if you start again,” you looked at him, seriously.

“Actually, I want to apologize about that. I was in a very bad place and I don’t know why I acted the way I did. Can we put that in the past and start all over again?”

Listening to his excuses, you didn’t see Rafael circling around. It’s only when you smell his intoxicating smell, that you knew he was behind you. You sighed and tried to stay focus on Kyle. “Okay look, if you’re still here when my friends leave, maybe—“ you were stopped by Rafael’s arm, as he slided it around your chest.

“Leave her alone, man. You’re not up to her standards,”

“Y/N, who is that” Kyle asked.

You were so confused about what was happening - and a little tipsy - you didn’t react. “The man that has way more chance to take her home than you’ll never have,”

“Well, man, you’re too late. I already took her home,”

You felt Rafael’s fist clenching. “Kyle—I’ll see around okay?”

“I’m not sure I want to leave you with that guy, Y/N,” he answered.

“But you are,” Rafael growled. “Now and forever,”

Rafael made you spin around so you were facing him instead of that Kyle. He instantly grabbed your face in his hands and kissed you right under Kyle’s nose. He was acting like an asshole but there’s no way you could pull him away. You melted into his kiss, granting access to his tongue. You grabbed onto his shirt, pulling him as close as you could. You felt his hands traveling your back, until you were grabbing your ass. For a moment, you forgot you two were in the middle of Forlini’s. You moaned in his month and he felt his cock twitching.

You pulled away only when Amanda made herself heard as she was leaving. “Get a room, people.”

Rafael smiled. “I agree with her. Come home with me?”

“Where’s home for you?” You asked. A kiss can’t make everything go away.

“Home is you, Y/N. You’re my home,” he looked so damn sincere and it would be so easy to just let it go and hang on to those words. But you still need explanations. Apologizes, perhaps?

Again, you fought against your tears. “That’s so easy, Rafael,”

“Come with me and we can talk. Just that if you want,”

*****

During the ride, you told Rafael you preferred to go to your place; Mania was waiting. If Barba should have a pet, he thought he would adopt a dog. But since you have a cat, he can get use to it. Only if you cut its claws.

As always, Mania was waiting behind the door when you got in. He didn’t move at first, just studying Rafael. “He’s already judging me,” Rafael said.

“He only met two humans. Me and Sonny. Before that, he was beaten, famished and threw with the trash. He doesn’t trust humans,”

“That’s something we can bound on,” Rafael kept his distance with your furry child. And Mania did the same. You pet him a moment, gave him his food and joined Rafael on the couch, with a bottle of Sauternes. It was silent at first. None knew where to start.

“Is—is there something between you and Carisi?” He asked.

“Straight to the point,” you smiled in your glass. You liked the hint of jealousy in it. “For now, no. But in 4 years, maybe,”

“I’m gonna need further explanations,”

“I’m the one that needs explanations, don’t you think?” You challenged him. “Actually, I deserve them,” you’ll have to think Sonny later for that strength.

“Indeed, you do,” Rafael agreed. “It was easier that way,”

“Easier for who? For you? Cause it wasn’t easy for me, at all,”

“I was selfish and I’m sorry,” he softly grabbed your hand. “I knew that—if I came to see you, to tell you I was leaving, I would have back down. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you goodbye. All I ever wanted to see in your eyes, when you look at me, was love. And I was afraid to see—disappointment in them. Pity, hate, even. Cause there was hate whenever I looked in the mirror,” you heard tears in his voice. You knew he was just being honest with you.

“You ruined our relationship—or whatever we had— on assumptions, Rafael. I didn’t hate you before you left. I wasn’t disappointed. Only things you’d have seen were empathy and love,”

“I couldn’t take the risk, Y/N,”

“Let’s pretend I get that. Why didn’t you call, then? Text? Left a letter or a note? Hell, even an email would have made it easier,” you stood up, pacing around. Rafael has been around you enough to know that’s what you do when you’re angry and trying to calm yourself.

“I could have. I should have—I’m so sorry,” he was looking at you with pleading eyes but you were still pacing around your living room. “I never forgot about you, Y/N. I still love you,”

“Uh-huh,” you shook your head, “You can’t tell me you still love me when you never said you loved me in the first place!” You exclaimed.

“Fine,” he stood up and grabbed your shoulders to keep you still. “I love you, Y/N. Wanna know when I knew?” He paused, for what you assumed what a dramatic effect like he does in court, “When Yelina came in my office, telling my ‘crazy coworker’ slapped her. And you didn’t slap her because you were jealous. You did so because she hurt me and talked shit about me for going after Alex. When she left, I smiled so hard, I found the courage to ask you out,”

You felt your cheeks turning pink. “I didn’t know you knew,” you looked down but Rafael grabbed your chin and made you lift your head.

“From that moment, I knew you had my back. I didn’t have yours,” you saw a tear finally escaping his eye. “And if you found the strength to forgive me, I’ll always have your back. I won’t let you down. I promise,”

Seeing Rafael cried made you cry too. You swoop his tears with your thumb. “It won’t be easy, Rafael. It’s going to take time for me to—trust you again. To trust that you won’t leave again,”

“I won’t,” he grabbed your face and kissed. It was needy. Rafael wanted you to feel how much he loves you in that kiss. He wanted you to know you could trust him. Not only your tongue mixed but your tears did too. “I promise. I love you,” he rested his forehead against yours.

“I love you, too,” you kissed again, but it was more passionate. One of his arms were wrapped around your shoulders and his other hand was holding your cheek. Your left hand rested on his firm ass and your right one was in his hair.

He smiled against your mouth when he felt your hand grabbing his ass cheek. “That’s my move,”

“What can I say? I missed your ass,”

He chuckled and made you jump in his arms. Your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands were resting on your ass. “Not as much as I missed yours,” Rafael kissed you again and walked to the bedroom, closing it to Mania’s face.

#law and order svu #rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #sonny carisi #rafael barba imagine #law and order: special victims unit #rafael barba x you #barba x reader #sonny carisi x reader

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rosy-wooyoung · 4 years

Text

ATEEZ reaction : surprising them with homemade food

requested: yes, thank you! [honey, I am SO sorry for only doing it now] prompt : their s/o surprising them with homemade food genre : fluff warnings : !! food mention !! (obviously but I prefer repeating it), very poorly written, overbearingly cliché. A/N : so uhm, hi again? this got requested like months ago and i never actually sat down to write it [commitment issues oops] but now I’m happy that i actually manage to do it today! Also don’t mind the mistakes, pleaaaase I feel like I speak like a 5-year old when I have to write something in english (even though I have an c1 diploma in english sdfjhsf i’m so sorry if it’s bad)

Hongjoong

Songwriter!Hongjoong

You finished eating dinner near 8 pm and laid on the couch after doing the dishes.

After having patiently waited for your boyfriend to come home, you decided to go to bed as the clock neared midnight, still no trace of him.

It’s only when you washed your face and applied your serum that you changed your mind.

Putting on your shoes and your coat, you grabbed the plastic bag carrying the Tupperware filled with the food you had prepared for dinner and made your way out the door.

You weren’t keen on walking alone at night, but fortunately, his studio wasn’t that far, so you managed to make it safely there.

Knocking on the wooden door, you received no answer, so you slightly pulled the door open, only to be met with silence.

Hongjoong had noise-cancelling headphones latched on his ears, head bobbing at a certain rhythm as he scribbled some lyrics in his brown leather notebook.

The notebook he carried everywhere, even when he was around you.

Sometimes, he would get inspiration just by watching you sleep, read or cook. Writing down whatever crossed his mind, he never showed you what they said.

However, you paid no mind to his privacy. You respected that he kept it a secret, you did the same with your poetry book.

You knew how it felt when someone read pieces of art you’ve created, you feel naked and exposed to the reader, and it made your guts churn of anxiety when someone even tried to look into your notebooks.

But now, you had a problem to deal with. How do you make yourself noticeable without scaring your boyfriend to death?

Banging your fist on the door didn’t work and calling his name didn’t work either.

He jumped out of his skin when you softly placed a hand on his shoulder, a yelp unintentionally coming out of his mouth.

Turning around, he noticed your figure and laid a hand on his chest, the other grabbing your forearm as a sign of affection.

“Sorry baby, I didn’t know how to make myself noticeable.” You said with an apologetic look, but Hongjoong waved it off.

“It’s okay, sugarplum. Are you okay? What are you doing here?”

“Well, since it’s past midnight and you weren’t coming back, I decided to bring a piece of home to you and brought you this.” You lifted the plastic bag and handed it to him. It was his turn to look at you, remorse filling his eyes as he realised that he lost the notion of time and stayed behind at the studio to produce.

“Thank you baby, but I’m sorry,” he mumbled, and he stood up, hugging you tightly as he kissed your cheek. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“It’s nothing, baby. You should eat now, it’s going to cool down,” you whispered as you let go and he sat down, drawing another chair to have you by his side. He kissed your temple before you rushed him to eat, noticing his eyebags and his tiredness written all over his face.

You were getting tired as well, but Hongjoong was a hundred times worth it to stay up late at night, to see him with a bright smile and adoring eyes on his face as he tasted the food you cooked.

Seonghwa

CEO!AU

“Hello Miss, where can I find the office of Mr Park?”

“Park Seonghwa?” the receptionist said, and you nodded, replacing a piece of hair behind your ear. “The head department is on the 19th floor, at the far end of the left corridor.” You thanked her and made your way to the elevators, waiting with other employees.

You greeted people you knew by sight with a nod and a smile, going to the floor reception. Some people stopped talking, listening to your words.

“Excuse me, is Mr Park Seonghwa here?”

“Yes, but he’s currently in a meeting. It’ll end in a few minutes,” she said, looking up what seemed to be his schedule on the computer. “Do you have an appointment with him?”

“Oh no,” you stuttered as you could almost feel his coworkers’ eyes on you, “I’m just his wife, and I need to give him something he forgot at home.”

“No problem, I’ll guide you to his office. Please follow me,” she announced, standing up, her heels clicking on the white tiles. You awkwardly smiled and bowed at his colleagues and followed the secretary, thanking her as she showed you the door of his office.

Your husband appeared a couple of minutes later, reading a file while talking on the phone. You cleared your throat, and Seonghwa looked up, his phone almost falling from the shoulder that was pressing it against his ear.

“Can you please fix a schedule with my secretary, I have a lot of work to deal with right now. Yes, yes thank you. Have a nice day too. Goodbye Sir.” he ended his phone call, sliding his smartphone in his pants pocket.

Tenderly looking at you, he smiled and approached you.

“Honey, baby. I didn’t expect you to see you here,” he warmly said before capturing your lips in a sweet yet passionate kiss, an arm wrapping around your waist.

“I’m because my husband, whose head is constantly into business, forgot his lunch before going to work this morning,” you stated as you lifted the brown paper bag, his eyes widening as his shoulders softly subside in relief.

“What did I do to deserve a wonderful wife like you?” he asked as he took the bag, kissing your cheek at the same time.

“I don’t know, but your wonderful wife would appreciate that her husband wouldn’t forget his lunch every day because she’s taking time on her lunch break to bring the food to him.” You arched a brow, and he chuckled, his arm never leaving your waist.

“I love you,” he muttered, and you softly kissed his lips.

“I love you too. Enjoy your lunch darling,” you said as you made your way towards the door, shooting him a smile before walking away.

Little did you know that once you were out of sight, he went out to the lunchroom to eat his food - something that he never did -, showing off the fact that his wife came to bring him lunch.

He earned the complaints and whines from his colleagues, whose partners didn’t even look at them when they came home.

And with that, he asked his secretary to cancel a meeting in the early evening to come home earlier than you, preparing you a nice, lovely dinner to thank you for your gesture.

Yunho

Architect student!Yunho

In the small apartment that you shared with your lovely Yunho, you were about to prepare dinner, but you realised that there was nothing in the fridge.

Quickly turning off the stove, you put on your shoes and jacket and made your way out the door, a quick trip to the convenience store.

You arrived in front of the store as the sun was setting, the last rays of sunshine hitting the windows, sending beautiful scenery in front of you.

You knew that Yunho was working hard, as much as you did, but you wanted to surprise him a bit, so you decided to buy the ingredients to cook his favourite food.

Packs of meat, vegetables and rice in your bag, you were off to go home.

Riding the bus, you checked that you had everything and stepped off at your stop.

Yunho hadn’t moved from his spot while you were absent. He was still focused on his work, an HB pencil in one hand and a ruler in the other.

You placed everything down on the counter and started working on your duty.

Boiling water, grilling the meat and stirring the vegetables in a pot. You were so in your thoughts that you didn’t even register your boyfriend walking in the kitchen, sneaking his arms around your waist while prepping your shoulder with kisses.

“What’s cooking, good looking,” you snorted at the pun, and he chuckled, kissing your cheek as you cooked the meat while stirring the veggies.

“Open up, handsome,” you say as you bring a piece of meat to his mouth with the spatula. He opened his mouth, and you dropped the piece of meat on his extended tongue, munching on it after kissing you.

“Maybe two more minutes? But otherwise, it’s perfect, I liked the way you seasoned it, baby,” he stated, and you smile, stirring the food for a couple more minutes.

While eating, Yunho looked exhausted but happy. He did a little happy dance when you placed the plate in front of him, earning a kiss on the cheek for taking care of everything.

“I know we can get pretty busy with college and work,” he started before taking a sip of water, the food feeling extremely hot in his mouth, “but I’m glad we established a pattern of regularly eating together,” he admitted, smiling as he reached across the table for your hand.

“It feels good to be just the two of us, it’s sometimes tiring to have someone around constantly,” he nodded at your words, his thumb softly rubbing your knuckles.

“You’re right, our friends can get pretty hectic,” he chuckled and so did you, the subject of the conversation coming back on studies.

“So, how’s your project doing?” you demanded, and he just shrugged.

“It’s sometimes hard to get inspiration, but once I get it, everything goes smoothly,” you nodded and kept listening as your partner explained his work, a passionate sparkle in his eyes, outshining the ceiling light hanging above your heads.

“So yeah, we’ll see how it goes. Normally, if I didn’t mess up too much, my professor should be happy about the plans.”

“Why wouldn’t he be happy?” you questioned as you took the last piece of food that you had on your plate before crossing your cutlery.

“I mean… There are elements of my imagination in my work,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, his warm hand leaving yours, “but I took into account every piece of advice that you gave me since the beginning of my work, and honestly, I think I wouldn’t have gotten this far without them.”

“Oh shut it,” you snorted at your boyfriend, but immediately calmed down as you noticed the same serious expression on his face, “are-are you serious?”

“Dead serious,” he smirked, and you both stood up, going back to the kitchen to fill up the dishwasher.

“But you’re the one majoring in architecture, not me,”

“I know,” he retorted as he wiped the counter, “but it sometimes helps to have an outside point of view. Someone who doesn’t constantly have their nose in the theory and lecture notes is very helpful for creativity. You’re my muse Y/N, you have such amazing ideas that everything seems brighter and easier when you help.”

You chuckled at your boyfriend’s praise and went for a hug, squeezing him tight around you.

“I’m so happy that we’re together,” you said as you laid your head against his chest, his hand going into your hair.

“You don’t know how much I love you Y/N,” he said as he kissed the crown of your head.

“I think I have an idea,” you said as you looked up at him.

“No, you don’t, I love you more than you can ever see or imagine,” he mumbled as he pressed his lips on yours in a sweet kiss. He was giving you all the love and affection he had for you in this kiss, and you felt complete.

Yeosang

Idol!Yeosang

Waking up to the sound of your alarm, you were quick to turn it off to not wake up your boyfriend sleeping next to you.

Forcing yourself to start your day this early is such a pain in the ass, but your income makes it motivating and worth it. Plus, you wanted to save time for tonight because you knew how lazy you could get when it came to cooking.

So, at 6 am, you put on an apron over your pyjamas and started cooking the meal for tonight - Yeosang’s favourite - while preparing your breakfast at the same time.

Being good at multitasking has its perks after all.

Around an hour and a half later, you were done with cooking and washing the dishes, now getting ready to go to work.

The sun was rising, making the task of getting out of your comfortable apartment a little less painful.

Yeosang didn’t move an inch when you closed the main door, still dead asleep in your shared bed.

It was his first day off after going a few months without truly resting, and you could tell that his body needed it. When he came home last night, he was slow and could barely keep his eyes open during the show you chose to watch, he was tempted to use your shoulder as a pillow.

But it was one of the rare times that he could spend alone with you so he wouldn’t let that pass.

It was finally midday when you looked at your phone, still no news of Yeosang.

Knowing how tired he was, you didn’t worry about it, he was probably still asleep.

And you were right, his body went into recovery mode.

He woke up around two in the afternoon, shaken awake as a truck honked just under your windows.

Yeosang was still tired even though he slept for over twelve hours, so he decided to stay in bed for a bit longer.

He finally got out of bed around three as the rest of the group asked to play a bit of Among Us with them.

He stayed behind the computer for the rest of the afternoon, deciding to go for a run as the day was coming to an end, only eating a banana while he was getting ready.

It smelt like you had cooked something this morning, so he wanted to wait a bit until you came home to eat with you.

You were about to close the door behind you when you heard a familiar low voice.

“Y/N, wait!” Yeosang was in his sports equipment, slightly out of breath as you let him in.

“Hi,” you said with a smile as you swiftly pecked his lips. You both took off your shoes, hurrying your boyfriend to take a shower as you entered the kitchen.

You could finally settle down to eat when he appeared from his shower, making your way towards you before prepping your neck with kisses, asking about your day.

“Woah, you cooked my favourite dish?” he asked as you put a plate in the microwave.

“Yes! I figured out that you’d appreciate eating something special on your free day,” you replied, and Yeosang hugged you tightly from behind, giving you a big smooch on your cheek.

“Thank you, love,” he mumbled against your skin as a ‘ding’ drowned his voice out.

You both sat down on the couch, your plate in hand and enjoyed the food and each other’s company for the rest of the evening.

San

Hacker!San

“Sannie?” you asked as you walked into his dimmed bedroom, his computer screens being the only sources of light in the room, alongside with LEDs ornating the walls.

Headphones screwed on his ears, he rapidly typed on his computer, lines of coding appearing on the screen. San couldn’t hear you, he was a tad bit too focused on his task to pay attention to his surroundings.

As a way to make yourself noticeable, you turned on his bedside lamp, startling him as he took off his blue light glasses, Grime blasting from his headphones as he let them fall around his neck.

“Sweetie, do you need anything?” he said as he spun his chair around, observing you.

You were balancing a plate, a glass filled with coke, a napkin and some cutlery on a trail, carefully making your way towards your boyfriend as you tried not to spill anything on his fancy setup.

“Dinner’s served,” you sweetly chanted as you finally laid the trail in front of him, the smell of fresh, homemade food invading his nostrils.

“Thank you, baby, you’re amazing,” he said as he encircled an arm around your waist, making you fall on his lap. You smiled as he laid a soft kiss on your upper arm, grabbing the fork with his other hand before bringing the food to his mouth. He gratefully hummed and nodded as he munched on it, shooting you a wink as he looked up at you.

“It’s delicious baby girl,” he mumbled after swallowing, directly taking another bite. He lightly frowned as he didn’t see a plate for you. “You already ate?”

“Yeah, I called you a couple of times from the kitchen, but you seemed busy so I didn’t want to bother you,” you said as you shyly tightened your ponytail, a disappointed look growing on his face.

“Y/N, babe,” he started, tightening his grip around your figure as he put the fork down, “you should’ve yelled for me to come to eat with you... You’re my girlfriend, coding and hacking come after you, okay? I love you more than anything, I can and I will put everything aside to spend time with you. So next time, I’ll come downstairs to eat with you, alright? I don’t want to know that you’re eating alone in our home.”

“Yes Sannie, but-”

“Shht, there are no buts,” he said as he kissed you on the lips, keeping on eating the food you cooked for him with you still on his lap after he made sure that this wouldn’t happen again. You watched your boyfriend filling his stomach and talked with him about everything, just catching up on the last few days that you spent separated from each other.

“I love you darling, thank you for the amazing food,” San said as he cupped your face, placing a big, soft kiss on your cheek.

You giggled and slightly moved his beanie, being able to play with the hair at the back of his head.

“I love you too San, I do,” you whispered as you straddled him and rested your head on his collarbone, his hand rubbing your back up and down your spine.

“Wanna cuddle?” he suggested, and you were about to say no since he looked busy, but you caught yourself just on time, his light scolding coming back in your mind.

“Yes, please,” you mumbled, and he approved, removing his headset from his neck and shook the beanie off his head, replacing his hair in a somewhat correct way.

“Alright,” he softly mumbled while wrapping his arms around you, carefully standing up as he laid kisses on your exposed skin. It didn’t matter where it was, every spot that he saw some skin, he had to kiss it.

And that’s how you spent the rest of the night cuddled in San’s arms, his cold hand drawing circled on your stomach, sending shivers in your body as he soothingly rubbed the skin.

Mingi

Dancer!Mingi

You huffed as you nonchalantly threw your phone on the table, your boyfriend being unreachable as you called him for the nth time tonight.

You knew that he was training and improving his dancing skills, but you wished that he could take small breaks here and there.

Not to text you back, you could wait, but for his sanity and health.

There’s a reason between working hard and overworking yourself.

And Mingi seemed to struggle to distinguish the difference between the two notions.

You never said that it was easy, you were struggling as well, but sometimes you wished that he’d understand it better than you do.

The clock neared midnight, and he still wasn’t home. You started getting slightly irritated as he was probably overworking himself and not eating.

But you couldn’t blame it for that, you did the same when you had big exams or assignments coming up, you tended to ditch breaks and skip meals.

So, since you were caring about your boyfriend’s well being, you stood up and went to the fridge, where a container filled with the potion you had prepared for your boyfriend was.

Putting on a warm sweater and some pants before making your way out, locking the door behind you.

You took a longer road to go to his practice studio, but you found with relief that the convenience store was still open, sighing in relief as you read that it wasn’t going to close anytime soon.

You took drinks for the two of you and some extras as you thought that some of the boys could be still practising, paid and headed to the practice room.

When you arrived, you waved at San, who looked exhausted and sweaty, surprised to see you out at this hour.

“You’re here for your lovely Mingi?” he teased as he declined to give you a side hug due to his current state.

“Yes, I was getting worried since he wasn’t coming home,” you declared, and San smiled, finding adorable that you were looking after your boyfriend.

“You can go, he’s still in the practice room, he’s the only one left.” you thanked him and gave him one of the spare drinks that you bought since you didn’t know who would still be there with your boyfriend. His dimples appeared when he thanked you, and you wished him a good - yet short - night of rest before entering the building.

When you arrived in front of the practice room door, you noticed your boyfriend dancing through the window, and you could see that his movements were slower and less energised than usual.

You slowly opened the door, your eardrums being attacked by loud music, the bass resonating in your stomach as you made yourself seen.

When Mingi saw you, a sort of relieved yet guilty look appeared on his face as he went to the stereo to lower the music.

“Hey,” he said in a whisper, eyes carrying a truck of guilt in them.

“Hi babe,” you said as you handed him the plastic bag, “I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t have eaten, so I went out and bought this for you,” you said as you sat down together, in the middle of the room.

Mingi was more tired than he wanted to show. You had identified a pattern within him, his looks on his face and his figure betraying him. When he was as hunched over as he currently was, you knew that his back was hurting and that he was overworking himself.

However, you didn’t say anything, your behaviour and gaze unintentionally telling him what your opinion was. The silence was the best option. You were both exhausted, and the last thing you wanted to do was to start a fight this late in the evening.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Y/N,” he said before clenching his jaw to stifle a yawn, but you caught it.

“You’re welcome honey, but you know my opinion on your behaviour,” you added, and he nodded, eating his mouthful.

“I know, I know,” he sighed and kept on eating while you opened the two soda cans laying in front of you. Mingi took a few gulps of it, and you got another one from the plastic bag, your boyfriend looking at you with wide eyes.

“But, let’s not talk about this now, the last thing I wanna do is get in an argument with you,” you said, and he listened, thanking you as you handed him the can. “I already barely see you during the week, so I don’t want to get into a fight when I have an opportunity to see you,” you sighed but smiled anyway, Mingi’s guilt increasing in his heart.

“I’m sorry-”

“Shht,” you said to your boyfriend as you gently rubbed his back up and down, applying some pressure on spots that you knew were aching. “Are you coming home soon or do you plan on sleeping in the guest room in the building?” you asked as you watch your boyfriend take another bite of the food you had prepared for the two of you.

“Let me finish this amazing food, and we’re going home,” he answered, and you nodded, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “It’s very tasty by the way,” you knew that he was trying to change the subject and you appreciated the effort, trying to forget his neglect of self-care and simply smiled at him.

When he finished his meal, you stood up and put everything in the trash, noticing in the mirror that Mingi struggled to get up, a grimace abruptly replacing the smile he was giving you moments ago. As soon as you turned to face him, he tried his best to erase the pain off his face. You didn’t raise it, but you made a mental note to yourself to try and reason him later. And, if it wasn’t working, you’d call Hongjoong for help. Maybe he’ll listen to him.

The walk home was silent, quite awkward. Your boyfriend tried his best to be as natural as possible, but his back pains were making him hiss and silently groan in pain at almost every step he took.

“Okay, maybe I did a bit too much tonight,” he said as his voice hesitated, alerting you. He looked broken, his bottom lip between his teeth as he kept on walking to your place, feeling a wave of relief as your apartment building came into sight.

You held his hand and grabbed his forearm with your other free hand, helping him to walk until you finally arrived in front of the elevator.

As soon as you entered your home, you sped to the bathroom and ran a warm bath, sprinkling some relaxing salt in it before helping Mingi to take off his shirt.

Once he was done, you helped him to get out of the tub and took care of him. He stared at you in awe as you dried his hair with the blow dryer and assisted him in putting on his pyjamas before walking him to bed.

Quickly doing your nighttime routine, you walked to your bed with heating patches as your boyfriend was already lying on his stomach, the most relieving position for him to sleep into. You slightly pressed some areas in his back, and you applied some patches where he grunted more loudly.

“Alright, now rest, baby,” you kissed his cheek, and he extended his hand to grab yours.

“Thank you for everything, baby,” he said as you shook your head with a faint smile, feeling the tiredness getting the best of you.

"It's okay, Mingi," you whispered as he lifted your linked hands to his mouth, kissing the back of your hand, a loving gesture that you particularly appreciated.

“Sleep well, baby, and think about what we’ve talked about at the studio, okay?” you mumbled, giving him one last kiss before falling asleep, still holding his hand.

“I love you,” Mingi mumbled before falling asleep, as well.

Wooyoung

College AU

Entering the library, you tried your best to hide the plastic bag from the librarian, hoping that she wouldn’t notice the smell of food following you like your shadow.

You weren’t allowed to bring food inside the library, school authorities were scared that you’d stain the books or not clean the tables, which was the case when you went to work in the library.

You had always found this disrespectful that people would leave their trash on the tables without cleaning, it exasperated you.

Why was it so complicated to put your trash in a bin?

But since you thought that you were quite a clean, hygienic student, you allowed yourself to sneak in food for you and your friends.

When you arrived near your friends, Mingi was the first one to spot you, hungry for the content of the plastic bags you were carrying.

Your friends discreetly clapped their hands as you arrived as a hero at the table. You shushed them when they got a bit too excited over the food, reminding them that you weren’t supposed to eat there.

Since you were the one that went and bought the food, you were the one distributing the small containers the Chinese takeout the employees had put the food in.

Wooyoung was the only one who was kind of sulky because he wasn’t fond of the place you bought the food from since that event. That event where one of the cooks had put in a sauce containing bell pepper, and he hated them.

He always associated this restaurant with this event, and now he doesn’t set foot at this establishment anymore.

But before he could even say anything, you took the container in front of him and gave him a blue bento box, making him frown yet didn’t say anything.

“Enjoy, everyone!” you whispered as you all started to eat.

You slightly observed your friend’s reaction next to you as he opened the container.

Wooyoung discovered that his food had nothing to do with Chinese takeout. It was homemade food, cooked by you and his eyes opened wide.

You giggled as he took his fork and started eating hastily, munching on the food with closed eyes and a content look on his face.

“Is it good?” you questioned, and Wooyoung eagerly nodded, taking another bite as he didn’t even swallow his first one.

“It’s perfect,” he answered, rice almost falling from his mouth as it was full. Hongjoong, who was sitting next to you, slightly elbowed you in the ribs, a smug look on his face.

Wooyoung wasn’t expecting the fact that you would make a detour to your apartment to take and heat homemade food just for him.

He was touched, but now he was too focused on devouring his plate to care about anything surrounding him.

A few moments later, as he had finally emptied the lunch box, he rested back a bit, a hand on his stomach.

“Wow, I’m full,” he said as a hiccup took over him, immediately slapping his mouth as the sound came out of his organism.

“Did you see at the pace you ate? Y/N isn’t even done yet,” you puffed as Seonghwa took you as an example, known among your friend group that you were the quickest to shove your food down your throat.

“It was worth it, though,” Wooyoung said, and you shook your head, the indirect compliment sending warmth to your cheeks.

“And what do you say to Y/N?” Hongjoong said before taking a sip of coke as if he was a mother scolding her child.

“Thank youuuuu,” he said as his voice trailed on the last word, resting his head against your forearm, only to have you put your fork down and ruffle his hair, a way you use to say “you’re welcome” when your mouth was full.

Once you were all done with eating, you placed everything back in the plastic bags and started working again, Wooyoung’s head never leaving the spot on your upper arm.

You didn’t mind him, you were sometimes adjusting his head as your muscles started getting sore, but nothing much.

A while later, as you wanted to stretch your arms above your head, you woke Wooyoung up, his head almost slamming on the table as you moved your arm.

“Mmh?” he said as he woke up, wiping the fatigue away from his eyes, nodding as you asked him if he was alright. “Food coma is kicking hard right now,” he added, and you smiled, relieved that he felt a bit better after his nap.

“It’s okay, but you need to go to bed now, it’s getting late,” you said as you packed your stuff in your backpack, putting your coat back on.

“You’re going home already?”

“Yes, it’s almost midnight, and I have a presentation tomorrow at eight,” you explained as a pained smile drew on his face, and you agreed with him by nodding.

“I’m out now, good night guys!” you said to your friends as you stood up, waving goodbye as some of them looked like they would leave this place near dawn.

You bid farewell to the librarian as well and braved the freezing night, hurrying home as not to catch a cold.

And run into someone suspicious and creepy but that’s another thing.

“Y/N!” someone said behind you as you paused in your steps, recognising your friend’s voice.

“Woo? Aren’t you staying with them?"

“No, I’m tired, I honestly don't know how I'm still awake,” he said, and you started walking again with him by your side.

“And…” he stopped in his tracks, and you frowned but imitated him. “I wanted to thank you for being considerate and caring towards us, but particularly towards me,” he said, and you chuckled, waving it off.

“Of course, you are all my friends after all,” you said with a smile as you looked at your friend, who had an indecipherable look on his face.

“That’s... that’s the problem, Y/N,” you looked at him confused and blinked, not knowing where he was coming from.

“What do-”

“Y/N, I like you,” he blurted out, your eyes widening in surprise, not expecting him to confess right now, in the middle of the night in the freezing cold when you could both fall asleep standing up. “More than friends,” he added, and you nodded while looking away, feeling the red spreading on your cheeks. Your friend took a step closer and cupped your face with his cold hand to make you look at him.

“What about you? I've been dying to know, even if you don't feel the same,” he said in a breath, and you inhaled sharply, confused about the sudden question.

“I- I think I do too b-”

“That’s all I needed to hear,” he said, and you suck in a breath, anticipating his next move.

“Can I kiss you?” Wooyoung asked, face dangerously close to yours, his eyes going back and forth between your eyes and your lips.

“Of course.”

Jongho

College AU, Student abroad AU

“Mom?” you asked as you came into the living room, your iPad with a Chrome tab opened in hand.

“Yes honey?” she answered, looking up from the TV, your dad slightly huffing as he couldn’t hear the news.

“You know Jongho, right?” she nodded at her words, initiating you to keep going, “I’ve just gotten off the phone with him, and he seems very sad and down,” you explained as you sat down next to her.

Your dad’s attention immediately shifted to you and your mother as a boy was brought up in the conversation.

“Who-”

“Honey, no, it’s not her boyfriend,” your mother said, and your dad blinked, surprised by her reaction and shrugged, his attention going back on the telly. “And? Do you want to do something to cheer him up?”

“Well, I concluded that he’s a bit homesick, so I wanted to prepare a Korean dish for him. Wanna help?” Your mother agreed and stood up from her seat, fixing her glasses on the bridge of her nose.

“Sure!” she says as she washed her hand. “So, kimchi fried rice. What do we need?”

A few hours later, here you were, in the kitchen with your mom, right back from a trip to the convenience store to get the ingredients. You read a bunch of recipes and even watched a tutorial, trying your best to make it as similar as possible to the way they made it in South Korea.

You were struggling a bit at first, but everything turned out alright in the end, happily placing the mixture in a safe spot to let it rest for a couple of days. You were proud and satisfied with what you’ve created, truly hoping that it would heal his visible homesickness.

A few days later, you placed a container filled with your preparation in a paper bag along with your lunch and went out the door after saying goodbye to your parents, who were still eating breakfast. For once, you were happy to go to college, because you were dying to see Jongho and his potentially positive reaction.

The lectures go faster when you pay attention to the teachers, amazing. In no time, here you were in the cafeteria, eyes scanning the crowd to see your friend. Once you caught sight of your “target”, you made your way over and sat across from him, a gentle yet faint smile decorating his face when he saw you.

“Hi Y/N,” he said after swallowing a piece of his industrial sandwich. He looked heavyhearted and tired as if he had spent the entire night on his phone speaking with his family on the other side of the world.

“Are you okay?” you sweetly asked, and he weakly nodded, and you kept staring at him. “You sure?” you raised your eyebrow with a concerned look, and he just shrugged.

“My feelings didn’t really subside,” he stated as he referred to the conversation he's had over the phone with you the other night. You reached across the table and softly rubbed his forearm, the gesture making him weakly smile.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how I can help,” you say, and he shook your head.

“I appreciate your kindness Y/N, but I don’t think you can do anything about this…” his voice faded as he thickly swallowed, the sight of your friend being so close to crying made you pout.

“Okay,” you said as you withdrew your hand, Jongho internally whining at the lack of warmth. You searched in your bag and pulled out two steaming lunch boxes, one for you.

And one for him.

“What is this?” he asked as he turned the box between his hands.

“It’s a surprise! Open it,” you smiled as you innocently opened yours, stabbing your hot food with your fork.

Taking the lid off, his eyes widened, going back and forth between the kimchi and you, sitting across from him with a soft smile on your face.

“You seemed so down last time we called,” you said as you ate a spoonful of your lunch, “so I made you a dish with my mom that I remembered you liking. I know it won’t bring your family to you, but it’s still something I guess,” you explained as Jongho pursed his lips, nodding at your explanations, never looking at you in the eyes.

It took you a few seconds to register what was happening, and you drop your fork in your box.

He was crying.

You stood up and sat down next to him, circling your arm around his shoulders.

“Oh Jongho,” you said in a concerned tone, “I didn’t mean to make you cry, I just wanted to make you happy. I know how hard it is when you miss your home and family, I just wanted to give you a bit of family love and warmth that you can’t have right now.”

“Thank you so much Y/N, really,” he said as he sniffled, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. He chuckled as he realised how emotional he's just gotten over food, and he turned to the side to give you a proper hug.

“Thank you,” he whispered in your ear and squeezed you tight against him, feeling his rapid heart beating against your chest.

“It’s okay, Jongho. Taste it first, I wanna know if we can make you some more further in the school year,” you gently rubbed his upper back and he smiled, grabbing your fork from your lunch box.

“It’s delicious,” he said as he munched on the kimchi fried rice, reaching for your hand and rubbing your knuckles.

He looked at you with such adoration in his eyes that you got shy and flustered, your hands going clammy as he wholeheartedly approved your work, taking another bite of the food.

“You’re welcome,” you said in a soft voice, and you smiled at each other, enjoying each other’s company for the rest of the lunch break.

___

A/N: I like it but not a lot... I don’t like it. Anyway I hope you enjoyed it!!

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the-modernmary · 3 years

Text

my best habit || aaron hotchner x reader (ch. 8)

Chapter summary: When Aaron gets stuck at work late and Jess has to go help out her dad, Aaron has nobody else to turn to but you to watch Jack. The only problem? Up until now, Aaron has been keeping his home life completely separate from you, and you have no clue how this will effect your already precarious relationship with Aaron.

Warnings: N/A

A/N: This was not part of the original plan at all for this story, but I couldn’t get it out of my head.

masterlist || read on ao3

In between What I find is pleasing and I'm feeling fine Love is so confusing, there's no peace of mind If I fear I'm losing you it's just no good You teasing like you do - Blondie, “Heart of Glass”

~~~~~~~

You were on your couch doing homework when you got the call from Aaron, and you frowned in confusion when you saw his name flash across your cell phone screen. Aaron never called you while he was working, and you especially didn’t expect a call from him today. He was doing a custodial interview with an inmate sentenced to death somewhere in Virginia, and you figured prison didn’t have the greatest cell service.

“Hey there, jailbird,” you greeted. “Are you inviting me to the dance?”

“Very cute, Elvis,” Aaron joked, but it was half hearted. You could hear the exhaustion in his voice. “I need to ask you for a favor, and I want you to know that I wouldn’t be asking you if I had any other options.”

“Mhm, I love being the last choice,” you mused sarcastically. “You really know how to make a girl feel special, Aaron.”

Aaron elected to ignore your last comment. “The prison just went on lockdown, so I’m going to be stuck here for at least a few more hours,” he explained, and there was an unnatural nervousness to his voice. “And Jessica has to go deal with an emergency with her father.”

You frowned to yourself, unsure of where Aaron was going with his explanation, and even more unsure of who this Jessica person was. A pang of jealousy shot through you, but you quickly bottled that feeling.

Aaron took a moment to compose himself before continuing. “Would you be willing to watch Jack for a few hours? I know it’s not ideal, but it would just be for a little while until either I get out of here or somebody else from the BAU gets off of work. I would even be willing to compensate you for your time.”

Oh.

OH.

Silence crackled through the phone as you took in his request, and you could practically feel Aaron’s nervousness. It shouldn’t have been as big of a deal as it was. It had been two months since you’ve been with Aaron, you slept over at his house enough, and you worked in the same building as him. It was pretty inevitable that of course you were going to meet Jack at some point, but you always figured it would be with Aaron there to mediate. You had pictured that it would probably be accidental, maybe Jack would wake up early and would catch you sneaking out of Aaron’s house. Or you would be invited to one of Rossi’s famous dinners and the kids would be there and then there would be no questions asked. You definitely didn’t expect to babysit.

“Yeah, of course, I can watch him,” you said finally, and you heard Aaron let out a sigh of relief. “And you don’t have to pay me… or worry about finding a replacement. He can hang out with me for as long as you need.”

“Thank you,” Aaron told you, still sounding completely drained. “I will send your address to Jessica, and she will drop Jack off at your place in about half an hour. I really owe you, Y/N. I have to go talk to the warden now, but please call me if you need anything, okay? Bye.” Before you could even answer, Aaron hung up.

You took a deep breath as dread settled in the pit of your stomach. How hard would babysitting be, really? You’ve babysat before - Aly had a little brother who basically became your little brother. However, a weird part of you was nervous that Jack wouldn’t like you, which was ridiculous. It didn’t matter whether or not Jack liked you.

Right?

Deciding that you couldn’t just sit there and panic, you chose to use the time to tidy up your apartment, just to make it extra presentable. The organized mess that was your homework space was quickly arranged so that all of your notebooks and papers were in a neat pile. You took down the half empty tequila bottle from forever ago that was sitting on the top of your fridge and shoved it into a cabinet somewhere. The throw blanket that you had been wrapped up in was refolded and placed on the arm of your couch. You wanted to at least give the illusion that you were prepared to babysit Aaron’s son, and not completely freaking out inside.

Right on schedule, knocking came from your door, and you rushed to open it. You were greeted by a blonde woman, probably a few years younger than Aaron, who you assumed to be Jessica. Next to her was the elusive Jack, with his blonde hair and missing front tooth. You had seen a few photos of Jack in passing, hanging up around Aaron’s house and whatnot, but you never got a good look at the photos.

“Y/N?” Jessica asked cautiously, and you nodded slowly. “Hi, I’m Jessica, Jack’s aunt.”

Jack’s aunt. A million emotions hit you at once. Oh god, she was Haley’s sister. Your stomach started to feel queasy, and it took you a second to realize that it was guilt, although you weren’t quite sure what you felt guilty about.

Logically, you knew Aaron had a life outside of you. Hell, you had slowly become part of that outside life now that you were friends with his coworkers, but you really tried to avoid thinking about Aaron’s home life. When he wasn’t with you, it was out of sight, out of mind. He was his own individual entity.

Now you were face-to-face with just how insignificant you were in the grand scheme of Aaron’s life. The fact was that you were probably no more than a side storyline in his life, a character created just for Aaron’s own development. He had a life and a family that you barely knew about. There was evidence of his home life everywhere - the bins of toys at his house, drawings on his fridge, family photos in matching frames in the hallway, even a small jewelry box on his dresser that looked like it had been collecting dust for a few years - but you had gotten good at averting your eyes.

“Hi, yes, that’s me,” you replied, shaking Jessica’s hand. Then you bent down so you were closer to Jack’s height. “Hey dude, I’m Y/N,” you introduced, giving him a small wave.

Jessica took the backpack she was carrying and helped Jack slip it onto his shoulders. “Thank you again for doing this on such short notice. Aaron should have sent over my phone number if you need anything, but Jack’s a good kid. He just has some homework that he needs to get done,” she explained.

“It’s no problem,” you told her, giving her your best reassuring smile. “He’s in good hands here.”

Jessica smiled gratefully at you before kneeling down to say goodbye to Jack. You stood in the doorway awkwardly as you watched the interaction curiously. It was as normal as it could get, Jessica telling Jack to behave and that she loves him, but it also fascinated you, like you were watching a movie and all of the characters had popped out of the screen.

Jack gave his aunt a hug before she left, and the two of you stepped into your apartment. That same nervousness came back in full force. What kind of games did he like to play? You didn’t have any toys for him. What if you couldn’t help him with his homework? Do kids his age learn fractions yet, because you did not remember fractions. What if-

“Woah!” came Jack’s voice, breaking you out of your spiraling. “Can I please sit on the bean bag chair?”

Well, Jack certainly wasn’t nervous, which offered you more relief than you thought it would. “Yeah, of course, you can. It’s my favorite place to do my homework.”

Jack flopped onto the bean bag chair, his tiny frame almost completely consumed by it. You could see the confusion growing on Jack’s face. “You have to do homework?” Jack asked.

“Yup,” you told him. “And I know you do, too, so we can do homework together.”

Jack jutted out his bottom lip in a pout. “Will I have to still do homework when I’m old?”

At that, you let out a genuine laugh, even if you were a little shocked. The kid had personality, you had to admit. “I’m not that old,” you halfheartedly protested, “And maybe. It depends on what you want to be when you grow up.”

“I want to be a superhero,” Jack said matter-of-factly. “Like Spiderman.”

You nodded, the movement playfully exaggerated. “Oh, well Spiderman is really smart. I’m sure he does a lot of homework, so you better get to work. Let me know if you need any help, okay?” You chuckled again at Jack’s increased pout, obviously disappointed in the fact that even superheroes had to focus on school.

Jack reached into his backpack and pulled out a pencil and a brightly colored folder with papers sticking out of it every which way. He started on his worksheets, his eyebrows scrunched in concentration, and it hit you just how much he looked like Aaron. The blonde hair threw you off, but you had seen that exact look on Aaron’s face many times, eyebrows together and lips pursed ever so slightly. Like father, like son. You had to resist the urge to audibly coo at the sight. You were only human, after all.

You tore your eyes away from the boy and glanced over at your laptop, which was sitting open on your coffee table, the cursor blinking back at you teasingly, reminding you that you also had to get to work. You had essays to write and practice contracts to draft up. The two of you did your work in comfortable silence for a while, Jack occasionally asking you to help him read the instructions of his worksheet.

“Done!” Jack exclaimed proudly after a while, holding his packet of papers high in the air.

Just in time, too, because if you had to do any more criminal tax litigation work, you were going to pull out your hair from boredom. There was only so much corporate fraud you could read about in one sitting.

“With all of your homework?” you clarified, and he nodded so fast that he looked like a full-on bobblehead. “Good job, dude!”

“Did you finish your homework so that we can play?” he asked you.

“Yup, I’m all done,” you lied. Your paper wasn’t due for another week, anyway. “So what do you want to play?”

Jack tapped his finger on his chin as he thought about it. You were aware that you didn’t have much in the way of kid’s toys, but you had stuff to color or paint or play board games, and you were confident enough in your imagination to come up with a game if it came down to that. Jack looked around and suddenly his eyes got wide and he pointed to your Switch.

“Do you have Mario Kart?” he asked hopefully. “Can we play that?”

“That sounds like fun, let’s do that,” you told him, making your way to set up the console. “I’ll even let you be player one.”

Jack was practically bouncing up and down in his seat now. “I’m really good at this game. I can even beat my uncle Dave!”

You laughed as the two of you picked your characters. Jack chose Yoshi, a solid choice, and you went with Toad. “You can beat your Uncle Dave? Wow, that’s impressive. I have to warn you, though, I’m also very good at this game. Do you think you can beat me?” you teased.

“Definitely,” Jack challenged, and the game began.

The two of you played for a little while, and Jack’s mind was blown when you told him about the shortcuts on each track. After about three cups and you telling him where every shortcut you knew was, the 7-year-old was starting to get antsy just sitting, so you decided to switch gears.

You brought out some leftover paints and canvases you had from a paint night with your friends, and you and Jack laid on the floor and did some painting, although you were not prepared for how messy it would get. Somehow, Jack ended up with his fingertips covered in blue paint, and you had a streak of green on your cheek from where you mindlessly brushed hair from out of your face. As you placed the artwork to the side to dry, Jack had already decided on the next game - the floor is lava.

Before you even realized it, three hours had passed and it was time to make dinner. Jack chose pizza, which you luckily already had in your freezer. The game was still going, but you and Jack agreed that the kitchen was the only safe place without lava, considering there were too many dangerous things in that vicinity.

Babysitting Jack was easier than you expected, and much more fun. Even in his more playful moments, Aaron was always a little bit guarded and on edge, so you had a hard time imagining what his child would be like. A weird part of you almost imagined a mini adult in a child-sized suit and a briefcase full of fruit snacks and crackers, as ridiculous as it sounded. But Jack was just like any other 7-year-old - goofy, a little loud, and excited about the world.

You wondered if Aaron was like that as a kid, or if that part of Jack’s personality came from his mom. Maybe Jack was a mini version of his mom. Now that you had gotten the tiniest taste of Aaron’s home life, you found yourself craving to know more, to see Aaron in dad-mode.

Selfishly, you also wanted Aaron to watch you interact with Jack, just to see his reaction. It was a gamble and you realized it. Best case scenario, Aaron would be able to breathe a little bit easier. There wouldn’t be that half second of awkward silence between the two of you every time he mentioned Jack’s name. That stupid guilt you felt so often would dissipate because, hey, you met Jack and now that was out of the way.

On the other hand, everything could come crashing down. Aaron could walk in, see you with Jack, and immediately regret his decision and regret you. It would solidify in both of your minds that you were no more than somebody he could call and fuck when he felt himself on the verge of breaking down. Any self-imposed importance you had placed on yourself in Aaron’s life, no matter how small it was (and it was pretty small), would be a lie. He had a shorter temper now than before, and maybe this would be the exact thing that would set him off.

You didn’t want that, of course, but you really did want to know what would happen, to see where you stood with him. Call it morbid curiosity.

You were pulling the pizza out of the oven when you heard the knock on the door. “Coming!” you called.

“Don’t touch the lava!” Jack reminded you from his spot on the coffee table, just as you were about to leave the kitchen. Your method of movement to and from the kitchen was the rolling chair from your desk and a broom so that you could push yourself where you needed to go, which you had to justify to Jack as being a lava boat.

You “rowed” yourself over the door and looked in the peephole. Aaron was on the other side, nervously rubbing his thumb over the rest of his fingers. It took some work, but you were able to open the door without falling off the chair.

“Hey, I know you,” you greeted Aaron, but your smile fell when you took in his appearance. His whole body was tensed up, like a rubberband about to snap. He didn’t have his tie or blazer on, and the cuffs of his shirt were undone.

“Dad!” Jack shouted, waving excitedly.

“Hi, buddy.” Aaron smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He was scanning the room, studying the scene in front of him. Aaron’s expression slowly shifted to confusion as Jack bounded across your furniture to get closer to his dad. “Jack, what are you doing on the table?” Aaron’s eyes shifted to where you were, noticing for the first time that you were kneeling on a rolling chair, holding onto the broom like a trident. “And why do you two have paint on you?”

“The floor is lava,” you explained nonchalantly.

“And you’re going to get burned!” Jack pointed out.

You chuckled and swiveled your chair so that you could get a better look at Jack. “How about we give your dad a minute to find a spot, okay dude?” You turned back to Aaron, lowering your voice. “The kitchen is a safe zone, if you don’t want to have to crawl around on furniture.”

Aaron frowned, and you could see the wheels turning in his brain. “No, I should take Jack home anyways,” he finally said. “You’ve helped enough today and I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re not imposing,” you insisted. “Besides, we just made a pizza that I’m not going to be able to eat by myself. Come in, have dinner. You look like you need it.”

He really did. You were certain that he hadn’t eaten anything the entire time he was at the jail. He looked exhausted, too, and it was taking every bit of his energy to keep his usual stoic and stony composure.

Aaron wanted to argue, but instead, let out a resigned sigh. “Thank you. You, uh, said that the kitchen was a safe zone?”

“Mhm, and you might want to hurry because Jack is in it to win. Already tried to sabotage my chair boat.”

While Aaron’s face remained emotionless, his gaze softened as he stepped into your apartment. “Jack, did you have fun with Y/N?” he asked, making his way to the kitchen.

Jack hopped from the coffee table to the couch and onto a trail of pillows he had made. “Yeah! She taught me how to cheat in Mario Kart!”

You rolled your way back to the kitchen, chuckling sheepishly. “Shortcuts aren’t cheating, it’s playing smart,” you defended.

Jack just giggled and continued to animatedly tell Aaron about his day at school as you each started to dig into dinner. Well, Jack and you dug into the pizza, while Aaron took all off two bites and pushed his plate to the side. You had originally thought that it was the interview that caused Aaron’s tenseness, but you realized with a start that Aaron was completely focused on you. He was watching you curiously, like you had subtly changed your appearance and he couldn’t quite put his finger on what was different.

He was just intrigued by your interaction with Jack as you had been with Jack and Jessica’s interactions. You had thought that he was going to make a snap judgment and decide if he was ever going to want to see you again the second he saw you with Jack, but he was taking his time. He was profiling you.

“Hey Jack,” you interjected once he finished eating. “Your dad and I are going to do dishes, but I need you to do me a big favor. I can’t win Bowser’s Castle no matter how hard I try. Do you think you could do that race for me while we clean up?”

Aaron looked at you in confusion, but you kept your eyes on Jack, who was all too happy to have an excuse to get out of cleaning and go back to playing video games. He practically bounced back into the living room, leaving you and Aaron alone.

“Do you want something to drink?” you offered. Aaron was watching your every movement, studying you carefully. “I have tea, coffee… Irish coffee, if it’s that kind of night.” You added the last part as an afterthought, only partially joking.

The corner of Aaron’s mouth twitched upwards so subtly that if you weren’t looking for it, you wouldn’t have even noticed. “No thank you,” he answered formally.

You mindlessly traced circles on the tabletop with your finger, keeping your eyes downcast. You knew you couldn’t just outright ask what was on his mind, he’d never answer truthfully. “Do I want to know what that creep did to be put on death row?” you asked, keeping your voice as indifferent as possible..

Aaron shook his head. “I wouldn’t tell you even if you did,” he admitted and the two of you fell into silence again. It was the answer you had pretty much come to expect from him.

Despite the fact that, as a lawyer, you’d have to hear about all these awful things and see the evidence, Aaron tried to shield you from his work. He didn’t talk about cases, didn’t glamorize the work he did the way some younger agents would. In all the time you’ve known him, you could count the number of criminals you knew he took down on your fingers, and some of those were only because you learned about them in class.

That was fine. You didn’t want Aaron to have to bring that to your bed, not when you were supposed to be his distraction from all that mess. And what a fun distraction you were.

Aaron looked at his watch, effectively ending the conversation. “We should go, it’s getting late. Thank you for watching Jack. And for dinner.”

You paused, debating your next move. “It’s no problem,” you said sincerely. “And if you need anything else from me… I’ll be awake for a while.” You let your offer hang in the air for a few moments, watching as Aaron seemed to be weighing options in his head, you just didn’t know what those options were.

You were just about to rescind your offer when he opened his mouth to speak. “Are you sure you don’t want any compensation?”

You waved off his offer. “I’m positive.”

Aaron shoved his hands in the pockets of his slacks. “Then let me buy you dinner sometime this week. It’s the least I can do.”

You paused, trying to keep your expression as neutral as possible. Aaron had never made an offer like this before, never took steps towards anything that could push this into something even remotely considered a relationship. It was easy to explain the constant sex. You could even justify the lingering morning-afters or the nights spent hunched over your textbooks while Aaron wordlessly refilled your coffee cup without you having to even ask by claiming that it all happened organically. It’s not like the two of you planned to stay up and debate the lost history of the term “beyond a reasonable doubt”. It just sort of happened, and who were you to turn down free coffee?

Anything more would complicate the carefully curated system, and neither of you had the time or energy for complicated.

Despite every logical bone in your body screaming at you to walk away and leave while you were ahead, you couldn’t help the soft “Yeah, I’d really like that,” that slipped past your lips.

You could have sworn Aaron smiled at your answer, but he didn’t say anything more.

The two of you walked back to your living room in silence. “Alright buddy,” Aaron called, ruffling Jack’s hair. “It’s time for us to head home. Say thank you to Y/N.”

Jack pouted as he exited the game. “Can Y/N watch me again soon? Please? It was fun!”

“We’ll have to see, she might be busy,” Aaron mused, looking at you so that he could gauge your reaction. It was enough of an answer to not crush Jack’s hopes, but vague enough that it gave you room to deny the offer. He was letting you choose how much you wanted to be around Jack, if you wanted to be around him at all.

You grinned down at Jack and held out your hand for a high five, which he took as an invitation to try and slap your hand as hard as he could. How could you say no to him? “Of course I can watch you again. I’ll even have Legos next time.”

For the first time that night, Aaron gave you a real smile, one that you could actually see. It was small, but it was genuine. “Thank you again. Goodnight, Y/N,” he told you and Jack echoed the sentiment, waving at you as they walked out the door.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfiction #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x y/n #jack hotchner #my writing #my best habit

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sisterspooky1013 · 3 years

Text

Perfect Opposites, chapter two

Rating: General Audiences

Read it on AO3

Tagging @today-in-fic

You all requested a chapter two, so here it is

I couldn’t forget it if I tried. I’ve turned it over in my memory so many times by now that it comes back to me like a well trained muscle repeating a familiar movement. There were a lot of little moments before that, but this one in particular stands out because it was the first one where I realized that he felt the same way I did.

We were an odd pairing from the start; he a pragmatic, analytical planner and me an idealistic, carefree dreamer. He used to call me a “loose cannon” and at first it was truly meant as an insult, said in a moment of frustration, but over time it became a term of endearment. That first day we worked together, I immediately noticed how handsome he was, tall and blonde with a square jaw and slim hips. He was so stoic, and my attempts to get to know him were met with one-word answers and pleas to focus on our assignment. I knew that I wasn’t bad-looking, and in fact I was quite used to men responding to me readily, so it felt like a fun challenge to try and crack his shell. I wasn’t trying to sleep with him; I was smart enough to know what that would do to my reputation. I was one of the first dozen female field agents to serve and I wasn’t about to blow it for all the others by hopping right into bed with my partner. But I was intrigued by his guarded demeanor, and the more he resisted me the more I wanted to know him. He insisted on calling me Rogers, even though I asked him repeatedly to call me Bridget. At first I called him Harry, but then I started calling him Hansen just to make a point and it stuck. It became a dance; I would tease and flirt with him, he would ignore my advances while we worked a case, and every once in a while he would give me a little something. First, it was little jokes, told so dryly that I had to look for the barely-there smirk on his lips to be sure he was intentionally being funny. Getting him to smile was a game in and of itself, but when I got one it was like magic. He was so beautiful when he smiled, and it became a drug I was always seeking. Over time, little by little, he started to trust me, and confide in me. He turned off the AM radio on our long drives and talked to me, not just about work.

One day he turned to me while we were driving, smiling about some stupid program he’d seen on TV the night before, and I realized that I was in love with him. I can’t say now when that happened, exactly, but in that moment I knew it, and that started the years of pushing it down, of going out with other men and pretending that he wasn’t the only one I wanted. It was so hard and heartbreaking, and I thought about asking to be reassigned dozens of times, but I couldn’t give up on the chance to be near him every day. As different as we were, he complimented me so perfectly that he became my equilibrium, the thing that grounded me to the place I was in space and time. I didn’t know how to exist without him. I was faced with an impossible choice; leave the bureau and try to have a happy life without the other half of my heart, or stay and resign to a life of pining for him across the console of our rental car. Of course there really wasn’t a choice. I could no sooner have left him than I could have chosen not to breathe anymore.

I’ve thought about that September night so many times, I can still remember the way his gingham table cloth felt under my fingertips as I nervously traced its pattern, waiting for the news I had been dreading for the last three years. He’d been seeing someone, and I just knew he was going to tell me it was getting serious, that they were getting engaged. I was afraid that I would cry, and he would ask me why, and then he’d know. He was sitting close, closer than most people would to their coworker, but that’s how we were. And he was telling me about this woman, Donna, and I felt so sick.

“I broke it off with her” he had said, and I looked at him, confused. “It just wasn’t right, Rogers. She’s a nice lady, but it just…it didn’t feel right. She’s not the one.”

I was so flooded with relief that I actually did start crying, and of course he was confused. Why would I be crying because he broke up with his girlfriend? He knelt down in front of me, and he held my hands in his, and he was just so sweet. He was always so sweet with me.

“Rogers, what’s wrong? Are you upset about Donna?”

I didn’t know what else to say, or how else to explain it, so I just nodded.

“I know we seemed like a good match, but she’s not the one. She’s the kind of person I always thought I’d end up with, but I’m realizing that I was wrong about what I wanted. About who I wanted.”

I looked at him then, at his crystal blue eyes. It felt like he was looking straight into my soul. He was searching my face like he was looking for an answer, but didn’t know what the question was.

“Bridget, have you ever just realized all of a sudden that everything you thought you knew was wrong?”

He called me by my first name. I nodded, and I thought of that moment in the car. And he was still looking all over my face, and at my mouth, and it felt like we were suspended in space, adrift in a moment that could never go forward or backward. Stuck until we made a choice. We had to make a choice.

He kissed me then, so softly, and we returned to Earth together, having found new ground. Having found each other. Even though we’d worked together and been best friends for 8 years, something entirely new was born that night, and we spent the next 20 years making up for the 8 we had wasted.

I was thinking about this at my retirement party, while the other agents ate grocery store cake and politely looked at photos of my grandchildren. When Agents Mulder and Scully walked in, I couldn’t suppress my smile. Agent Scully walked over to me with a secret smile on her lips, one she always sent my way when we were in the same room together. We had never spoken of our conversation in the bathroom last year, but she always went out of her way to say hi to me.

“Agent Hansen, congratulations” she said warmly, taking my hand in what felt more like a hand-hug than a handshake.

“Thank you, Agent Scully. I look forward to spending more time with my grandchildren.”

Agent Mulder walked up then. He sure was a handsome man, and somehow seemed to get better looking as the years went by.

“Agent Hansen, the time has come!” He said jovially. “I only wish Harry could be here retiring alongside you, he would have loved this little shindig.” There was heavy sarcasm in his tone; he knew Harry would have hated the fuss.

“You knew Harry Hansen?” Agent Scully asked him with genuine surprise.

“Of course, we worked together in VCU. I liked to give him a hard time. He reminded me a lot of you, actually” he said to Agent Scully with a gentle nudge of his elbow to her ribs.

“Sounds like he was a great guy” she joked, then “we have to catch a flight out for a case, Agent Hansen, but I wanted to come by and say goodbye. It’s been such a pleasure working with you.”

Agent Mulder looked at her a little quizzically, but I understood the meaning behind what she was saying. I shook her hand again, and held it in a little squeeze.

“I hope you’ll remember what I said” I told her, and she nodded once before they turned to leave. I was happy to be retiring, but I would miss watching them together and would always wonder if they ever found their way to each other.

A few months later, I was at the 7-11 picking up donuts for my grandsons when I heard a familiar voice in the next aisle. It was Agent Mulder, on his cell phone.

“Hey, sleepy head… It’s after 9, that’s hardly early… Well what were you doing staying up so late last night?” He chuckled, and the innuendo was clear even from the bit of the conversation I could hear. I felt sadness tug at my heart thinking that he was seeing someone, and how Agent Scully must feel. I knew exactly how she’d feel.

“We’ll I’m getting you breakfast now, and coffee, so hopefully that helps…I was thinking we could go to Annapolis tonight, there’s one of those movie in the park things, we could stop by and see your mom first…because no one in Annapolis knows us, so maybe you’ll actually be willing to be seen in public with me…you know what I mean, outside of work”

I couldn’t help but smile from my hiding spot behind the donut case. He was talking to Agent Scully.

“…well, think about and you can decide later….yes, I’ll be back in 15 minutes, go back to sleep if you want…Love you, bye.”

He paid and left, and an idea started cooking in my head. Annapolis wasn’t that far of a drive, and I didn’t exactly have an active social calendar. I just wanted to see them together again, one more time.

My plan had been to get there early so I’d be sure to catch them as they arrived, but through a combination of traffic, my own poor navigation skills (that had always been Harry’s strong suit) and lack of parking, I walked in to a full lawn and the previews already starting. Thankfully, her red hair was easy to spot and I found a place for my blanket just a few feet behind them. It was a little too close, and made the odds they would see and recognize me higher than I would have liked, but soon enough it was clear that it wouldn’t be an issue. They were in their very own universe, bordered by the ugly brown Aztec blanket they sat on. Agent Mulder was reclined against a cooler with Agent Scully between his legs, leaning against his torso like an Adirondack chair, his arms wrapped around her. He whispered in her ear and kissed her neck as she giggled. They looked more like two teenagers on a date than two federal agents and it reminded me of so many nights Harry and I snuck off for dates in some forgettable city after wrapping up a case, freed from the risk that someone from the bureau would see us together and report our relationship. Those were some of the most exciting times in my life, and watching them now…I felt the tears bubbling up in my eyes. They were happy tears, full of memories and love and hope. Full of the promise of a relationship forged in fire and turmoil, sealed by dedication and hard work. I knew I’d have to go visit Harry the next day and tell him all about it, and remember with him how clumsy and awkward we were in the beginning, peeling each other’s armor away slowly until it was just us, unguarded and vulnerable and the most seen we had ever been by another person, or ever would be again.

By the end of the movie, they were spooned together under the stars, the relative darkness allowing for a kind of public intimacy that would normally be out of place. She had fallen asleep, and Agent Mulder was watching her, tracing a finger along the shell of her ear before placing a kiss to her temple. He sighed and I could hear him whisper to no one in particular “my perfect opposite.”

#the x files #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #gillovny #msr #sculder #xf fanfic

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whatareyousearchingfordean · 4 years

Text

Happiness Continues

Part 3: 8 Weeks Pregnant

Summary: Jensen and his wife get their first glimpse of their growing baby.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 2.6K+

Warnings: Language, brief descriptions of internal ultrasound, pregnancy related emotions

Author’s Note: This part is a little shorter than the others, but that doesn’t mean it won’t leave its impact on the story. Thanks again to @emoryhemsworth for giving this a once over, love you babes. As always, I love to hear what you all thought. Reactions, theories, or just plain flailing, I love it all xoxo Alex

“Brb crying,” @emoryhemsworth

Catch up with the series masterlist and then check out Alexandra’s Library for more by yours truly!

There was absolutely nothing glamorous about being pregnant. Y/n now stood by that statement and if anyone tried to convince her otherwise, well, she might just stab them with a fork. That’s where she was at this point. Granted, she was still in her first trimester, but she was adamant about it sucking.

First of all, the baby wouldn’t let her eat a thing. She had figured out how to control the smells quickly. They still tended to make her stomach churn, but at least she could stave off the actual vomiting. Mostly, it was anytime there was a strong scent in her general vicinity; anything distinct enough for her to detect what it was could trigger something. Unfortunately for her, that included her husband’s cologne, a scent that happened to be both of their favorites. That was awkward when he walked out of their bedroom one morning all pressed and ready to go for the day, coming to hug his wife goodbye only to have her cringe and run away to the bathroom to lose the contents of her stomach.

For the past three weeks, though, she had been living on a diet of ginger ale, peppermint tea, and sugar-free hard candies. Her stomach would turn out just about anything else and, to be honest, its preferences for what it could handle changed daily and Y/n had given up trying. Every meal was a new adventure for her and the baby. Her hours of scouring the internet for something, anything, for her to eat were wasted. Their baby did not care for anything.

Hiding her symptoms was becoming increasingly easier, though. With it still being so early, and not having even seen a doctor yet, both her and Jensen were wary to tell anyone. Call them superstitious, but they didn’t want to jinx anything just yet. Besides, it was kind of nice basking in the news just the two of them. It reminded them of the start of their relationship, only this secret wouldn’t end in a fist to a jaw... hopefully. As far as they knew, no one was suspicious of anything in both their friends and family as well as coworkers in her office.

Y/n stood in their bedroom, the dawn light peering in through the curtains as she examined herself in the mirror. Lately, she had been sleeping like a cat, but today her anxiety was in full force. The woman had tossed and turned all night, finally deciding to crawl out of bed and jump into the shower when the sun first made its appearance over the horizon. It was no use trying to sleep anymore.

As she stood there, turned to one side, she ran a hand over her lower abdomen. If she cocked her head just right, she could have sworn she noticed the start of what would ultimately be a massive balloon in the middle of her stomach. Though, to be fair, she could also be imagining it. The mind sees what it wants to, right?

The sound of the sheets ruffling had her snapping her head around to her husband who still lay in bed. He stretched out his long limbs, the longer locks on the top of his head mussed from his night’s sleep. He blinked a few times as he woke, quick to take in the looming figure of his wife at the foot of the bed. A smirk graced his features as his eyes traveled up her bare legs, noticing all she had on was a pair of panties.

“Mmm, I’ll take this wake up call any day.” His voice was husky with sleep. His wife rolled her eyes but climbed up on the bed anyway, crawling into his waiting arms and laying against his bare chest.

Y/n sighed as she nuzzled into him, “I can barely go ten minutes without being either exhausted or needing to vomit, so unless you have some sort of The Exorcist fetish I don’t know about, then I’m gonna have to decline.”

“Ugh, god,” Jensen scrunched up his nose, pushing his wife away from him as he climbed from the bed. She laughed, chasing after him into their master bathroom. Y/n slipped her arms around his waist, pulling his back against her bare chest and placing a kiss between his shoulder blades. The pressure against her sore breasts was uncomfortable right now, but not unbearable. This one was her new least favorite symptom of pregnancy.

“You nervous about today?” He whispered, grabbing her hands with his own and threading their fingers together.

Y/n let out a huff of air, the action sending goosebumps across Jensen’s skin. Of course, he had picked up on her anxiety. “Yeah, and excited. I don’t know this kind of makes it all real, you know?”

“I do.” He pulled her hand up and kissed the back of her knuckles before releasing her. He turned around in her arms to lean in and press his lips against hers. Y/n leaned into her husband, taking full advantage of having him close to her.

Jensen pulled away, running his tongue over the swell of his lower lip and cocking his head. “Why do you taste like a bag of Warheads?”

“Oh, I woke up to my stomach rolling and the only thing I had within reach was the sour candies I bought last week. It actually helped a lot.” Y/n smiled sheepishly. If she thought about it long enough, she had eaten plenty of those candies to quell her stomach enough before she could even sit up in bed so it shouldn’t be surprising her husband could still taste them on her.

“I’m not gonna lie, I kind of like it.” He flashed her a grin that was all teeth before lunging to kiss her again. His wife laughed, shaking her head at all the boyish charm she had fallen in love with shining through so early in the morning. “Alright, I need to shower. Go, make yourself some tea, and try to eat something real for me.”

Y/n scrunched up her nose as he smiled at her. She didn’t want to eat, her already flimsy stomach on overdrive today, but for her husband, she would try, muttering an exaggerated ‘all right’ as he started the shower. The woman trudged her way back out to the bedroom, finishing getting dressed for the day in her comfiest sweats, before retreating to the kitchen to make herself some tea and buttered toast. It had been a week since she had tried toast, not willing to touch the stuff after the incident, so she hoped it was a safe bet.

As the kettle came to a boil and the toaster did its magic, Y/n looked out the large window onto their courtyard. The rising sun was casting elegant patterns against the white stucco of their house and dancing along the surface of the pool.

Y/n had scheduled the first appointment of the day with her doctor because she knew that she would be up early anyway. They still had time before they needed to leave their house, which Jensen would use to his advantage, taking extra time in the shower and getting dressed. Y/n on the other hand had already done that, so now she was trying to figure out something to occupy her mind until her husband made an appearance in the kitchen. When it seemed her breakfast was not going to make a reappearance, at least for now, she decided to put on some coffee for him and started the pan to make him an omelet.

Y/n was slipping the eggs onto a plate when Jensen made his appearance in the kitchen.

“You didn’t have to make me breakfast, I know how your stomach has been.” Jensen came up to her side and put his hand on the small of her back.

“I’m surprisingly okay this morning. Must be some sort of anxiety override.” She laughed as he kissed her cheek. Y/n grabbed him a fork as he turned to pour himself a cup of coffee. She slid the plate across the island as he sat down across from her.

“I was thinking,” Y/n spoke up from behind her mug of tea, “I mean, I know it’s still far too early, but I don’t want to find out the sex.”

“No?” Jensen quirked a brow at her, his mouth full of his breakfast, muffling the word on his tongue.

“There are few mysteries left in this world most days, and I just think this is one that would be exciting.”

“That’s fine with me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, you aren’t wrong. Who cares about our baby’s genitals anyway?”

Y/n pursed her lips and bit back the emotion already bubbling up in her, instead, allowing herself to feel excited for now, “Then it’s settled.”

Jensen looked up at her then, a smile cracking on his face. He shook his head at the giddiness over taking his wife. With everything that she had been through lately, it was refreshing to see her truly smile again. He had missed that smile.

Jensen cleaned up the mess from her making his breakfast and the two were out the door to the doctor. The office was located in St. David’s North Austin Medical Center, over thirty minutes northeast of their home, depending on traffic. Y/n had been seeing Dr. Garcia as her gynecologist for years now, and she loved the woman and the attention she paid her patients.

The couple made their way inside the familiar building, checking in at the desk and waiting in the lobby for them to be called back. When the nurse came from them, she took Y/n’s weight, vitals, and asked the usual questions before giving her a cup for a urine sample. Once Y/n returned from the bathroom the nurse instructed her to get undressed from the waist down and cover herself with the provided blanket.

The room was silent as they waited for the doctor, neither of them quite sure what to say at the moment. There were too many questions that could only be answered by the doctor. Y/n had her eyes trained on the machine to her left when a knock came from the door before it opened. Jensen squeezed her hand as Dr. Garcia came in, a smile on her face.

“Y/n, it has been a while since I’ve seen you in here,” She noted as she pulled up her chart on the computer.

“Uh, yeah, that’s kind of why we are here now.” Y/n admitted, a sheepish smile on her face.

“Well, the urine sample you provided us confirms pregnancy.” Dr. Garcia continued to examine her chart, hitting some buttons in silence. “Looks based on the information provided, you are about eight weeks along now, which will give us an expected due date of February twenty-third, all of which I will confirm after an ultrasound. Tell me a little bit about how you are feeling.”

Y/n went into detail about her symptoms the past few weeks and the doctor gave her basic information on necessary diet changes as well as a prescription for a prenatal vitamin. She also handed over pamphlets to get the couple started.

“I’m going to do a vaginal ultrasound since the fetus is still small, take a few pictures, listen to the heartbeat, and then we will get you guys out here.” Y/n nodded, laying back on the exam table as the doctor pulled up the ultrasound machine and pulled up the footrest. She helped Y/n put her feet up in position.

“You’ll feel pressure,” Dr. Garcia talked Y/n through what she was doing, though it didn’t make the action any less uncomfortable. Jensen moved to stand near her head, never letting go of his grip on her hand. Both of them watched the screen with bated breath as the doctor searched for what was growing inside her. “Ah, there we go,”

A black spot made its way onto the otherwise white screen, in the center a small white bean-shaped figure. “That’s it?” Jensen asked, leaning in for a closer look.

“That’s it, and the little blip in the center there is its heartbeat.” Dr. Garcia pointed on the screen before taking a snapshot and starting her measurements. She hit a few more buttons and the rhythmic whoosh of the baby’s heart could be heard like a siren in the small room.

Jensen let out a small huff of air before he brushed away the hairs on Y/n’s forehead and placed a kiss there, his lips lingering for a second against her skin. There was no point in trying to hold back the tears anymore. The longer she stared at the screen, the more the realization of the fact that she had a tiny human growing inside of her began to take hold in her brain. Sure, she had known for a few weeks now, but not being able to see it on her body, finally having visual and audio proof had broken the dam in her head.

“I’ll print this picture and be right back. You can get dressed now.” Dr. Garcia smiled at the equally teary-eyed couple. Y/n finally broke her gaze from the computer to look up at her husband, her hand coming up to cup his jaw.

“Oh, Jay,” She sighed as she wiped away the tear that had fallen down his cheek with her thumb.

“I can’t believe this is really happening,” He breathed out, staring at his beautiful wife below him. There had been nights he dreamed about starting a family, the woman always a blurry figure in his mind. Now, with the actual woman staring back at him, he felt like his chest might explode. He loved her more than his own life, and he didn’t think it was possible to love a person more, but seeing this ultrasound had changed all that. There was enough room in his heart for someone else, and that was his child.

****

Jensen dropped Y/n off at home before meeting Steve at the studio to work on their second album. His wife wanted to take a nap after not having gotten much sleep the night before, and he was more than happy to oblige her. If he was being honest, he would do anything for her right now as he continued to ride the high from their doctor’s appointment.

Y/n curled up on the couch with the television playing a soft jazz radio station and she fell asleep with ease. Most days, it felt like she slept better anywhere but her bed if her husband was not curled up next to her. The large king-sized mattress just felt too empty without him.

She woke up a few hours later, the sun now low in the sky. Y/n checked the time before cursing to herself and jumping out of the warm blanket she was curled up in. The trash would be coming their way soon, and in the excitement of the morning, she had forgotten to put it out. Slipping on a pair of sandals, she headed to the garage to grab the cans and drag them down the driveway. She pulled them to the end of the drive, making sure they would not be in her husband’s way when he returned.

Y/n pushed the recycling can to the side and something caught her eye. She squatted down, taking in the handful of used cigarette butts that were just barely visible against the stone of their driveway. A frown pursed her lips and she brushed the trash into the street before returning inside to find something to make for dinner.

Part 4: 12 Weeks Pregnant

Forevers: @22sarah08 @akshi8278 @anathewierdo @atc74 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @callmekda @dawnie1988 @deanwanddamons @ellewritesfix05 @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @foxyjwls007 @hobby27 @janicho88 @jensengirl83 @katehuntington @lyarr24 @malfoysqueen14 @mrsjenniferwinchester @msmarvelouswinchester @polina-93 @sleepylunarwolf @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan @smol-and-grumpy @superfanficnatural @supraveng @talesmaniac89 @tranquility-or-chaos @waywardbeanie @winchest09

Happiness Continues: @ashleyrose0117 @austin-winchester67 @deanmonandnegansbitch @deans-baby-momma @death-unbecomes-you @dvnmbabe @harryhook-lover @hoboal87 @itsdesiree86 @let-me-luve-you @lunarmoon8 @onethirstyunicorn @parinarain @rebelemilu @smoothdogsgirl @spnfamily-j2 @stoneyggirl @squirrelnotsam @traceyaudette @winqhster @zpandaqueen

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anna-justice · 4 years

Text

Sunny Day - Rowater

Summary: Vanessa’s undercover assignment is done, she comes back to the 21st to make amends with one person in particular.

Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of blood & gore

Requested: Yes! #7, “What the hell are you doing here.” & #8, “Don’t walk away again.”

…

Vanessa stepped out of the cab and slammed the door shut behind her, staring straight ahead at the familiar condo in front of her. It had been six months since she had stood before it, and gosh, how she missed it. Including the ugly door hanger Hailey insisted on putting out every spring.

She passed a grey pickup during her walk to the front door, smirking at the sight. When she reached the porch, she dug in the side of her duffle bag, pulling out a set of keys she hadn’t used since she left. She twisted the key in the door and pushed it open quietly, sighing when the first floor was revealed. Everything was exactly the same.

She dropped her duffle bag on the floor and went straight for the kitchen. She didn’t know the last time she ate anything homecooked. She was rummaging through the fridge when she heard thudding behind her, she grinned, she couldn’t wait to see her roommate.

“Chicago P.D. Turn around slowly and show me your hands.” A man’s voice said soft, but sternly.

Vanessa laughed, raising her hands and turning to face the detective. “Hi, Jay.” She said, looking him up and down. Her coworker stood there in only his boxers at the base of the stairs, gun raised.

“Jesus, Vanessa.” He said, running a hand through his hair.

“Good to see you.” She waved a finger at him, “I’m glad to know you feel comfortable around me.”

Jay scoffed, nonchalantly (or not so) lowering his hands so that they covered his crotch. “I’m gonna go get Hailey-”

Before he could even get the sentence out, there was padding above them. “Jay?” She called out, followed by thudding at the top of the stairs. “Babe, what’s wrong-Vanessa?” The blonde asked as she reached the bottom. She squealed a very un-Hailey-like squeal and raced towards her best friend. “Hi.” She said as she wrapped her arms around her.

“Hey.” Vanessa said softly, sighing as she hugged her back.

Jay coughed behind them. “I’m gonna go put some clothes on…”

“Or maybe just pants?” Hailey smirked at him

Vanessa stared intensely at him, “Yeah, don’t hide on my account.” Hailey looked at her best friend, who was staring her boyfriend down and burst out laughing, along with Vanessa.

Hailey walked over to him, placing a hand on his chest, she reached up and pecked his cheek. “Bring me back a pair of sweats?”

“Yeah.” Jay nodded shortly, before disappearing to where he came from.

Vanessa hadn’t noticed until then, but all Hailey was wearing was an oversized grey v-neck, undoubtedly one that wasn’t hers. Hailey settled in on a barstool, motioning for Vanessa to follow. “How long are you back?”

Vanessa shrugged, “I’m not sure. Things kind of got crazy, so they pulled me out to let the wires cool down. They haven’t decided if they are going to send me back in yet.”

“What happens if they don’t send you back in?” Hailey asked.

Vanessa took a deep breath, “The higher ups are pushing for me to stay on with them, either as a undercover case worker or as one of their regulars.”

“V, that’s great! Getting an offer from the feds your 3rd year on the job? That’s incredible.” Hailey exclaimed. “If I didn’t know any better, I would say that the Bureau has something against Voight.”

“Speaking of,” Vanessa said, “How was your stint? Did it end up being short?”

Hailey nodded, “Yeah, about two months. I came home right after you left.”

“Damn.” Vanessa said.

“I know. We just missed each other.” Hailey sat forward, “So, are you gonna take it?”

Vanessa shrugged, shaking her head. “I don’t know...What would you do?” Hailey nearly choked on her own saliva. Vanessa eyed her best friend cautiously, “Did I miss something?” She asked, laughing.

Hailey shook her head, recovering. “No, no. The people I worked with before offered me a spot on a task force a few months ago, in New York.”

Vanessa nodded, “I’m guessing you didn’t take it?” Hailey shook her head, smiling softly. “Do you regret it?”

Hailey glanced at the stairs behind her before grinning at the officer, “Not at all.”

…

The next morning, Vanessa found herself outside of a familiar house once again. Just this time, with two cups of coffee in her hand. She was much more anxious than the night before, she climbed the porch steps cautiously, hitting the door bell with her elbow.

There was noise of shuffling behind it before it finally swung open, Vanessa smiled softly at the sight of the man in front of her. “Hey Kev.” She said quietly.

Kevin stood there in shock, he debated pinching himself. He couldn’t believe who was standing there in front of him, there was no way he wasn’t dreaming. “Wh-What the hell are you doing here?” He asked, maybe a little more aggressively than he should have.

Vanessa was momentarily taken aback by his anger. “They pulled me from the operation…” She held up the warm cup, “I remembered your order, double espresso with a shot of vanilla.”

Kevin took it absently, still searching for the right words. “Thanks, you wanna come in?”

“Yeah.” Vanessa said immediately, “Yeah, I do.”

The two shifted inside the house, setting awkwardly in the colorful living room. “So, uh, when’d you get back?” Kevin asked, not really sure he wanted to know the answer.

“Like two in the morning, I went straight to Hailey’s.” She said, rushing her words a bit. “Jay actually pulled a gun on me, I wasn’t expecting him to be there.” She laughed.

Kevin chuckled, “Yeah, those two have been attached at the hip recently.”

“I’m sorry I missed it.” Vanessa said, looking him straight in the eye. It was more than though, it was almost an apology, almost an explanation for disappearing in the middle of night and just vanishing.

Kevin nodded, he wanted to be angry with her, he really did, but the longer she sat across from him it slowly began to fade. He missed her, he missed her so much and being mad seemed like such a waste of time now. He looked down at her watch. “I have to be at the district in like an hour.” He said, “Do you wanna get a drink tonight?”

Vanessa stood, she assumed that was her invitation to get the hell out of his house. “I have a lot to unpack, a lot to catch up on. Raincheck?” It wasn’t fair to get him to get attached again, not when she could get the call tomorrow that they needed her to disappear all over again.

Kevin glanced out the window, smiling softly, “I don’t do rainchecks, especially on a sunny day.”

Vanessa sighed, shaking her head. She remembered that day like it was yesterday, it was the day everything changed for her. “It was good to see you Kevin.” She took a few steps towards the door, praying that he would just let her go.

“Don’t walk away again, Vanessa.” Kevin said, against all better judgement. He jumped up off the couch, “Not like before”

Vanessa turned to him with blurry vision, “I didn’t have a choice.”

“Yes you did.” Kevin snapped, “You didn’t have to just vanish. You didn’t have to make me hear that you were gone from our Sergeant at work, you could’ve called. You could’ve told me.”

Vanessa shook her head, “I’ve never had anyone care before.” She yelled. “Hailey was in New York, and I just…” She took a deep breath, looking at the ground. “I just left.” But it wasn’t just that, after Hailey left, her and Kevin grew even closer. Voight shifted things around and they ended up partnered up. She couldn’t bear to say goodbye to him and she had never felt that way before.

“I cared.” Kevin said quietly, “I cared a lot.” He took a breath, throwing his arms out. “I still care.”

Vanessa set her coffee down on the inn table next to her and closed the gap between them, attaching her lips to his. Kevin caught her with ease, wrapping his strong arms around her to pull her even closer. Vanessa’s hands found the nape of his neck, pulling him down so she could actually reach. Eventually the two pulled away, breathless.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have done that.” Vanessa apologized.

Kevin nodded, “You’re right...I should have.” He leaned in again, kissing her passionately, “Jump.” He whispered against her lips, Vanessa obliged. He picked her up with ease before backing up slowly and sitting on the couch so that she was straddling him.

“I-um-'' She said in between kisses, but she kept losing her train of thought. He was a bit distracting. Finally she pushed on his chest, jumping up and putting some space between them. “I have to tell you something.” Kevin nodded. “The feds, they offered me a job.”

“Wow,” Kevin said, sitting forward. “That’s great V. I’m really happy for you,” He said genuinely.

“Thanks,” She said, still trying to catch her breath. “I think I’m gonna take it.”

Kevin sighed, “You should.”

“It’s in Chicago.” She said, smirking as Kevin’s head popped up. “I wouldn’t leave the city, but it’s centered around UC work, so I’d be gone a lot.” She sat down on top of him again, holding her face in his hands. “But, I want this, I want you. And I want to make it work, so…”

“So, nothing.” Kevin said, “Take it, you deserve it.” He reached up and pecked her gently. “I like you a lot, Vanessa, We’ll make it work, wherever you are.” Vanessa grinned, wrapping her arms around him and breathing deeply. It had taken so long, but she had come so far, she finally found her home.

…

A/N: This is my first time writing Rowater, so sorry if it seemed a little off. What did you think? Personally I will always believe that Vanessa is just undercover and she WILL be coming back, recipe for heartbreak, I know. But still, my baby Kevin needs someone to love. Thanks for reading! <3

#vanessa rojas #kevin atwater #rowater #rowater imagines #chicago pd #one chicago #chicago pd imagines #hailey upton #jay halstead

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ificanthaveu · 4 years

Text

Right in Front of Me || Shawn Mendes

alternate title: The Difference Between Him and Me

Description: Shawn, your long time neighbor and friend, is home on a break. You’re not. Shawn finds out everything you never wanted him to know from the person he wished he never knew.

A/N: surprise! i feel like i usually talk a ton about about my WIPs but this one just kind of all came at once....and bc i can’t figure out a major plot point for my other one so i had to distract myself :) anyway :) Gabe is highkey based off the fuckboy i’ve been talking to and what better fuck boy name than Gabe??? I think I nailed it ok anyway i hope you love it

Word Count: 4.4k

“Shawn Mendes, you cannot keep calling me right when I get off work,” you said through a laugh as you answered your phone precisely at 5:00.

“I have nothing else to do, and you always answer, so I am just going to keep calling,” he explained.

“You’re back home for the first time in forever. Everyone has been waiting for this moment. Go hang out with Brian or Nikki or Gabe or literally anyone. You have to leave your house,” you said.

“I saw Brian yesterday,” he mumbled.

“And have you seen anyone else?”

“No.”

“Shawn, you’re home for a few weeks. Go out. Go do something,” you said as you climbed into your car.

“It would be easier if you were here,” he mumbled.

You sighed as you set your phone down for a second to rest your forehead on the steering wheel and put him on speakerphone.

“If I could, you know I would come to see you,” you said quietly.

You heard him sigh and some shuffling before he said, “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I’ve barely been at this company for a year,” you said through a strained voice. “I moved three hours away from everything I’ve ever known for it. If I go back for anything other than my parents, I know I’ll end up not wanting to come back. Especially if I see you or Nikki.”

“She misses you,” Shawn said after a beat of silence. “I talked to her a few weeks ago. She also told me you haven’t talked in a while.”

You sighed and leaned your head back as you finally left the parking lot.

“It’s hard,” you choked out.

“I know. I did the same thing,” he reminded you, knowing the pain of having to leave everything and everyone you love.

“But I am still scheduled to fly out to you in exactly one month. It’ll be here before you know it,” you said, trying to change the subject.

“I can’t wait,” he said.

“Now, I have to go because I’m meeting up with some coworkers for dinner and drinks. But you need to go do something, Shawn,” you said sternly one last time.

“Yeah, yeah, I will. Brian mentioned that Gabe was having a fire tonight,” Shawn said.

You swallowed hard and shook your head slightly before you said, “Then go. And have fun.”

“I will,” he said. “I’ll let you go then.”

“Ok, goodbye, I love you, please enjoy your time off,” you finished.

“Anything for you. Love you, too,” he said before hanging up.

As Shawn hung up, he leaned back on the chair he was sitting in in his parents’ backyard. His head rested against the back as he closed his eyes for a moment and just felt the sun hit him.

You’d been begging him for months to take a break, and he finally did it. But now he just wanted to see you and that wasn’t an option.

He looked down at his phone after a few minutes to see the newest text from Gabe, telling everyone to come over at 8. He reluctantly stood up and made his way inside to have dinner with his family before he went.

But he found himself picking at his food and just thinking about all you’d done in the past year. When you moved, you cut all ties. When Shawn moved, he called everyone he was friends with whenever he had the chance. Shawn was the only one you still talked to regularly. You were thriving, and he knew that, but there was a part of him that would love to be at a bonfire and look to his side and see you there.

So he forced himself to finish dinner, stare at the ceiling some more, and then walk over to Gabe’s house.

In the short walk to Gabe’s house, he walked past your parents’ house to see them sitting on their porch and reading.

“Shawn! You’re home!” your mom yelled from the front step.

Shawn smiled at her and walked up to the porch to accept her awaiting hug before he also hugged your dad.

“Yeah, I figured [Y/N]’s been begging me to take a break, so here I am,” he said through a smile as he leaned against the railing.

“Pretty hypocritical for her to be telling you to take a break when she can’t do the same,” your dad said as he shook his head.

“I know,” Shawn whispered as your mom gave a look of agreeance. “Well, I’m already late for Gabe’s, but I’ll see you guys soon.”

Shawn walked away and waved goodbye to your parents as he made his way down the street again. He cut into Gabe’s backyard from the gate on the edge of his house to see Gabe and Nikki sitting there both with drinks already in their hands.

Nikki was the first to jump up and give Shawn a big hug as he returned it. Gabe was next as he hugged him before handing him a beer.

“You finally took a damn break,” Nikki said through a laugh as she sat back down and Shawn joined her.

“Yeah, about time, right?” He said.

“I don’t get how you do it,” Gabe mumbled as he took a drink and shook his head.

“Neither do I most times,” Shawn said as he opened the can and took a drink, feeling himself relax as it went down his throat. “I have been going so fast for so long. I think I needed this more than I thought.”

Brian sauntered in a few minutes later along with a few of their other friends as everyone caught up around the fire. Shawn caught himself a few times searching for you, but you were never there.

“Gabe, when did you stop seeing Mari? I ran into her the other day and almost asked about you until she said some pretty horrible things about you,” Nikki said through a look of disgust.

Gabe simply waved his hand in front of him. “That was short-lived. Not worth it,” he said simply.

“You were pining after her for months. What happened?” Shawn asked with a shake of his head.

Gabe’s eyebrows went up as he carefully took another drink. “I got what I wanted.”

Shawn nearly choked but covered it up by standing up to grab a water. There was a part of him that hoped Gabe had changed from his childish ways, but he was proven wrong every time he talked to him.

“So you just pine after her until she sleeps with you, and that’s it?” Nikki said, her feelings close to how Shawn was feeling.

“There’s more to it, Nik,” Gabe defended himself. “I said what I had to say. She said things, too. And here we are.”

“She sure had a lot to say when I saw her,” Nikki taunted as she side-eyed Shawn, and he returned the look.

“I really don’t care,” Gabe said with a smirk as he grabbed another drink.

The topic was quickly forgotten as someone else started complaining about their job, but Gabe somehow always brought it back to him in the worst way.

Shawn slowly drank his water as he listened to everyone talk. It was different, but still so familiar. He was glad he was here.

“You know who I’ve been talking to?” Gabe said.

No one said anything as they waited for him to just say it so they could move on.

“[Y/N],” he said simply.

This time Shawn did choke as he coughed a few times. He could see Nikki stiffen up from beside him.

“What?” Shawn said a little too harshly.

“Yep,” Gabe said, completely not seeing how Shawn reacted. “I texted her a few weeks ago, and we’ve been talking for a while.”

“You’re fucking with us right?” Brian said from across Shawn.

“Why would I lie about this?” Gabe said as he threw his hands up. “I have a string of texts from her to prove it, but I would never share those extremely private messages with you,” he said with a smirk.

Shawn felt his head spinning as he rubbed his forehead, completely confused as to what was going on with you.

“I don’t get it,” Shawn finally said as he looked up at Gabe.

Gabe returned the look as Shawn shook his head.

“Don’t get what? It’s [Y/N]. How could I not want to talk to her?”

“That I understand. What I don’t understand is why she’s talking to you,” Shawn said as he tried to calm himself down.

“We’ve all been friends since we were babies. What’s so bad about me talking to [Y/N] again?”

“Yes, we’ve all been friends. We get that. But the two of you were never particularly close. She cut off everyone else in this group except Shawn for the sake of starting new, so if she was going to talk to anyone, no one thought it would be you,” Nikki chimed in.

“You’re just pissed because it’s not you,” Gabe retaliated.

“[Y/N] needs space right now. And I’m giving it to her. When she wants to come back, we’ll be right back to normal. I can’t say that for the whole group now because of what you’re doing,” Nikki almost yelled.

“It’s a two-way street, Nikole,” Gabe taunted as Nikki rolled her eyes.

“I still don’t understand,” Shawn mumbled just for Nikki to hear, but Gabe still heard it.

“Stop being so hurt about this, Mendes. It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” Shawn snapped. “Nothing is ever ‘just nothing’ to her.”

“Well, maybe she’s changed.”

“No, she hasn’t. She’s been through hell and back for six years. She is not going to change overnight to sell her soul to talk to you,” Shawn snapped.

“I’m seeing her tomorrow, but thanks for being so damn supportive,” Gabe snapped back.

Nikki gasped audibly as Shawn stood up, Gabe taking a step back as Shawn towered over him.

“You’re seeing her?” Shawn said quietly as he looked down at him.

Gabe folded his arms across his chest before he said, “Yeah, I’m driving down to see her tomorrow afternoon. And who knows, I might not come home until the day after.”

Brian’s hand wrapped around Shawn’s shoulder before he would do something he’d regret. Shawn shrugged him off quickly as he sat back down, and Nikki squeezed his wrist.

Everyone got quiet as Gabe sat back down also, the silence becoming deafening as no one wanted to say anything.

“Why are you really mad about this?” Gabe tested.

“I just told you,” Shawn sneered.

Gabe rolled his eyes and leaned back, resting his ankle on his opposite knee. “There’s more to it. You just don’t want to admit that you’ve been pining after her for years with no reciprocation, and it only took me a few weeks to be doing everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”

Nikki grabbed his wrist again, knowing Shawn would punch him if she didn’t.

“I’m so fucking sick of you,” Shawn said.

“[Y/N] isn’t,” he taunted again.

Shawn shot up and grabbed his coat he had abandoned by a cooler and threw his bottle in the garbage.

“Running away, Mendes?” Gabe tested.

Shawn turned around to glare at him once more. “You will always be the same piece of shit you were when you ditched Layla Peters at the middle school dance almost ten years ago. You have not changed, and you never will. [Y/N] will realize that.”

Shawn didn’t wait for the response as he stormed out of the backyard, Nikki hot on his heels.

“Shawn, stop,” she said as she grabbed his wrist and pulled him back once he had reached the front yard.

“I’m not staying, Nik,” he said quickly.

“No, no, I don’t blame you,” she said back as she shook her head. “I just want to make sure you’re ok.”

Shawn let out a breath and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m fine,” he said through a forced smile. “Just shocked.”

“Yeah, me too,” Nikki said. “You don’t really think she’s changed have you?” She asked cautiously.

“She hasn’t,” Shawn said. “I’ve talked to her every day for the past year. She’s the same girl she’s been since day 1.”

Nikki nodded her head and looked down at her feet.

“She’ll talk to you again soon,” Shawn said.

“I know,” she said with a shrug. “We went from talking all the time to just texting each other happy birthday or quick check-ins.”

“She needed the change,” Shawn reminded her.

A beat of silence went by as Nikki just looked at him.

“How do you not get it?” Nikki said with a slight smile.

“Don’t get what?” Shawn said with a confused look on his face.

“She stopped talking to all of us, even me, her best friend, but she still calls you every day,” she said slowly. “Don’t you see it?”

Shawn sighed, knowing he had thought about that a time too many, but never wanted to think too far in case he was wrong.

“Then why Gabe?” He asked as he felt his throat tighten.

She shrugged her shoulders as she crossed her arms. “There’s gotta be something going on.”

“I’m going to find out,” Shawn said with a sure sound in his voice.

Shawn gave Nikki a quick hug before he finally left, practically running back home. He unlocked his back door and grabbed his car keys, glancing at the clock to see it was 1:00 am.

And he was going to go see you.

You were up later than expected, something unusual for you typically. You were too used to going to bed before midnight every night, so the fact that it was after 2:30 am when you got home, was something so different.

Something you weren’t used to doing.

But you were doing a lot of that lately.

You rested your head against your cupboard as you forced yourself to drink some water and eat some food, having not done much of that before drinking more than you planned while out with your coworkers.

You had multiple unread texts, most of them from Brian, Gabe, or Nikki, but you ignored them like you’ve been doing for the past year. You glanced down at your phone just to remind yourself that Shawn never texted you about the bonfire. You felt a pang, but you chalked it up to the alcohol in your empty stomach.

You forced yourself to stand up and wash your face off and take out your contacts. You looked at yourself in the mirror for a moment too long as you forced yourself not to cry.

The harsh knock on your door snapped you out of your delusion. Your eyebrows crinkled in confusion at the knock at an odd hour, but you figured it was just a coworker with something you forgot.

You threw your sweatshirt on and made your way to your front door.

Your face fell at the person standing in front of you.

“Shawn?” You said under your breath.

Shawn didn’t respond, instead just pushed past you to pace in your front room.

“Why are you here? What’s going on?” You asked as you rubbed your head.

“Gabe?” was the only thing that he could get out.

Your face fell as you looked at the floor, not being able to look him in the eyes. You were hoping he’d never find out.

“How did you know?” You asked quietly, your eyes fixated on his feet.

“He bragged about it to everyone all night at the bonfire you basically made me go to,” he said, his voice raising.

“Because you need to be doing things with your friends,” you snapped back.

“That’s not the fucking point and even if it was, you haven’t been doing a lot of that either lately,” he said.

“Why do you care?” You said, finally looking at him. “So what, I’m seeing Gabe, a friend I’ve known forever. Who cares?” You threw your hands up as you moved further into the room.

“Because it’s Gabe!” He yelled. “You know exactly what he does and who he is. We know that better than anyone. We have listened to his stories about fucking over girls since middle school, and suddenly you’re ‘talking’ to him?” He added air quotes and an eye roll around ‘talking.’

“This has nothing to do with you,” you said, forcing your voice to stay quieter.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I thought you told me everything,” he said, the hurt showing in his face. “But I guess you don’t.”

“Shawn, don’t do that,” you said cautiously.

“No, I’m doing it,” he said. “I wouldn’t be half as mad as I am right now if you would’ve just told me. I would want to hear something like that from you. Even if I didn’t like what it was. So why didn’t you tell me?” He asked again.

You stayed quiet, knowing both of you knew the answer to that question as it loomed between you in the air.

“Because you were embarrassed?” Shawn tested the answer out loud, the smug look on his face making you want to slap him.

“I’m an adult, Shawn. I can do whatever the fuck I want. I’m not embarrassed that I’m hanging out with a friend tomorrow,” you snapped.

“What happened to you?” Shawn asked. “The [Y/N] I know would never fall for his bullshit. So who the hell am I talking to right now because it certainly isn’t her.”

That one stung, knocking down your last walls of defense, as you sat down on the chair by the doorway, resting your head in your hands as you rubbed your forehead and begged yourself not to cry, not to let him win.

Shawn knew he went too far with that one, but he didn’t move.

“Because I’m so sick of this shit,” you finally said, the tears welling up in your eyes as Shawn’s stomach dropped.

“I am sick of thinking that love is right around the corner for me when I’ve been waiting for years,” you yelled, the tears flowing as your voice went raspy. “I have been begging whatever God is listening to send me someone that’ll last more than one fucking date, and I still haven’t gotten that. I’ve barely gotten a guy to kiss me. So I’m done with it. I’m done waiting for true love because it’s just not fucking coming.”

“How come just a few months ago you were saying you’d wait forever for the right person?” Shawn tested.

“I have been searching for a fairytale love since I was a kid, and I haven’t found anything remotely close to it yet. I just realized that maybe it isn’t for me,” you croaked out.

“You don’t really believe that?” Shawn said as his voice went soft.

You took a deep breath and tried to rub your eyes dry.

It took everything in Shawn not to wrap his arms around you. He hadn’t done that in months.

“In seventh grade, when I was sleeping at Nikki’s house once, I told her I was scared I’d never find love. And she told me that we were only 12 and I had a lifetime. And there were boys that would beg to be with me one day. It’s been 10 years, Shawn, and I’ve gotten none of that. And then Gabe texted me,” you confessed.

Shawn didn’t say anything as he leaned against the wall across from you. He was out of words and questions to fire at you.

“Nothing you can say at this point is going to convince me to not see Gabe tomorrow,” you said as you finally met his eyes. “I’m going with anything at this point, so I’m seeing him tomorrow.”

“Please, don’t,” Shawn said just above a whisper as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Why?”

“You just said nothing will convince you otherwise. So I won’t try,” Shawn said calmly.

Your heart dropped as you just sat there.

“But you want me to convince you. Because you don’t want to succumb to this,” Shawn said.

“I’m running out of options.”

“No, you’re not,” Shawn said sternly.

It was your turn to run out words as you looked up at him, seeing his eyes fixated on the wall behind you. It was a wall of pictures. And he couldn’t stop staring at the one of you and him in Germany from over a year ago when you came to visit him. He was going to tell you he loved you that day.

You finally turned around to see the picture he was staring at, and you sighed as you turned back around to look at him as he finally met your eyes.

“You’re not out of options,” Shawn said again.

“Then what are my other options?” You asked cautiously.

Shawn tore his eyes away from you again, this time fixating on a picture of your group of friends in the second grade then his eyes traveled to a picture of you, him, and Nikki at junior prom when he flew home to surprise you.

“You really don’t get it?” He asked.

You didn’t say anything.

“My whole life for the past 21 years has revolved around you. Wherever you wanted me to be or not to be, I’d be there. When you wanted to talk, I was there. When you didn’t want to talk, I was still there. To watch you tell yourself that you’re scared you’ll never find love when I’m standing right fucking here is just the worst feeling I’ve ever felt,” he confessed.

Your heart dropped as you looked back down at his feet.

“When I surprised you for prom,” he said as he gestured to the picture. “I thought you’d just get it. I thought I wouldn’t have to say anything.”

“And Germany…” he trailed off. “I was so close to telling you when we were ducking into an alley in the pouring rain, and you couldn’t stop laughing. I was so close to just looking at you and telling you.”

“Telling me what?” You said quietly as you looked at him.

“That I love you,” he let out. “And not in the way I’ve been telling you for our whole lives. In the way, like I want to wake up to you every morning for the rest of my life.”

Your heart wrenched as you physically felt your chest tighten and the butterflies erupt.

You took a moment to remember what you always planned on saying to him on late nights where you couldn’t sleep and couldn’t imagine anyone loving you as you loved him.

“It was our sophomore year of high school. We had just turned 16,” you started. “You were playing the piano in the music room. You thought no one was there, but I was trying to find you and knew exactly where you’d be. And I just stood in the doorway and watched you play and how you put everything into it even when no one was around,” you said just above a whisper. “I’ve always wanted someone like you, but I’ve been telling myself I don’t deserve that my whole life.”

You looked up at him to see him looking down at you already. You took that chance to stand up and take a step closer.

“I’m not going to see Gabe tomorrow,” you finally said.

Shawn forced himself not to smile as he slowly took your hand in his.

“Thought nothing would convince you?” he tested, his face getting closer to yours.

“Guess you found the one thing,” you whispered.

You took your other hand and placed it on Shawn’s cheek, slowly tracing your thumb along his cheekbone as you looked into his eyes, closer than you ever had before.

“I love you,” you said. “And not in the way I’ve been saying for years. In the way, like I want you to stay here, with me, just us, forever.”

Shawn didn’t have to say anything else as he finally pressed his lips against yours, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and pulling you against him.

It didn’t last long before you were pulling away and he was enveloping you into a hug. His chin rested on top of your head as he stared at the picture on your wall again, fixating on the one of the two of you at your graduation last spring.

It was that moment he realized he was in every picture on your wall.

“I love you,” he whispered against the top of your head.

You pressed a kiss to his chest as you buried your head in it again.

“I love you, too,” you whispered back.

“Why don’t we go to bed? We can talk more in the morning,” he said as he ran his hands up and down your back.

You simply nodded your head as the two of you pulled away, and Shawn pressed a kiss to your forehead.

You took his hand and dragged him to your room. He immediately pulled you into his arms, kissing you one last time before you rested your head on his chest.

A comfortable silence filled the room as you tangled in each other’s arms.

“I guess I have to tell Gabe,” you whispered.

“I can do it,” Shawn offered. “In fact, I would love to do it,” he said with a little too much excitement in his voice.

You grabbed your phone from the table and clicked on your messages with him. You typed out a message as Shawn watched you.

“That good?”

“Perfect.”

You set your phone down again as you cuddled into Shawn and let sleep wash over you.

Shawn couldn’t wipe the smile off his face as he looked down at you as you peacefully slept. He pressed gentle kisses to your forehead before also falling asleep.

He was home.

—

Hey, just realized I’ve been waiting for love my whole life and it’s actually been right in front of me the whole time. So, no, I won’t be seeing you tomorrow.

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cakesunflower · 5 years

Text

Reach For You [Dad!Calum AU] Ch. 19

Chapter 19

ONCE THE EXCITEMENT of Christmas and New Years passed, it was back to their regular schedules. Luna was back at school, Aspen was working at the clinic, and Calum was in the city making sure his club was up to par and regularly meeting with the staff and vendors and the like. Aspen felt like she hadn’t been to work in so long, easily smiling at the regular patients she often saw, her maternal empathy kicking in every time a kid was trying hard to fight a fever, flu, or the like.

Right when her break was finished, crumbling up the bag she’d brought her sandwich in and throwing it out, her phone began ringing. At the sight of Calum’s name and picture, she instantly picked it up. “What’s up?”

“Sweetheart, hey,” Calum’s breathless voice responded, sounding as though he was either running or panicked. “Listen, shit, is there any way you can pick up Luna? There’s an issue with one of the vendors and I need to sort it out—I don’t think I can make it back to Jersey in time for pick up.”

“Uh—” Aspen’s eyes widened, darting to the clock on the wall. Luna’s school ended in a little less than half an hour, and with her break almost over, she definitely didn’t have the time. Not to mention not a lot of the staff was scheduled for today, and the clinic needed all the help it could get. “No, crap, I can’t,” she stammered, pressing her hand to her hairline in worry.

“Fuck,” Calum cursed, sounding justifiably panicked. Aspen didn’t blame him; things like this happened, neither of them could control life.

She licked her lips. “Hold on, I don’t think Jodie works today. Let me ask if she can pick Luna up.” There was a reason why her best friend was one of her daughter’s emergency contacts.

Calum let out a breath, not entirely relieved until he knew there was something to be relieved about. “Alright, let me know, yeah? I’m sorry, love.”

A soft chuckle escaped Aspen. “It’s okay, Cal. Let me text Jodie.”

He offered a quick goodbye and Aspen immediately went to texting her best friend, chewing on her lower lip and hoping for a miracle. She tapped her foot against the floor impatiently, knowing she had to get back out there in a little bit, watching the three little bubbles appear as Jodie wrote her text.

Yeah, no problem! I gotchu, sis.

A sigh of relief escaped Aspen, hissing out a quiet and victorious, “yes!” before thanking her friend and letting Calum know all was taken care of. He responded asking what Jodie’s favorite wine was as a thank you.

Aspen laughed, pocketing her phone before heading back to the nurse’s station, grabbing the file for the next patient ready to be seen. The next few hours of her shift seemed to fly by, and soon enough she was bidding goodbye to coworkers that still had some hours left and was on her way home. The short drive ended with her pulling into the parking lot of her building, letting out an amused laugh when she glanced to her left and caught sight of Calum’s Range Rover pulling up next to her. He noticed her right away, grinning and throwing up a peace sign from where he sat.

“Hi, baby,” Aspen greeted as they both got out of their cars, her tone a melodic tune as she smiled when he jogged over, arm dropping around her shoulders. “Everything work out with the vendor?”

Calum quickly pecked her lips as they approached the building. “Yeah, ’s all good,” he reassured.

When he opened the door for Aspen, allowing her to walk into the complex, it was then when she saw the bag he was holding and let out a laugh. “You actually got Jodie’s wine?”

Calum scoffed as the elevator opened up immediately, shooting her a bemused look. “Can’t believe you thought I was kidding.”

Reaching the door, Aspen used her keys to unlock it and they stepped inside the apartment as Aspen called out, “We’re home!”

Jodie emerged from the kitchen, smiling at the two as she sipped from a glass of water. “Hey guys; how was work?” Before either of them could answer, her gaze happened to drop, raising her eyebrows as she instinctively asked, “Is that a bottle of red?”

Calum, whose lips were parted to respond to her first question, looked down at the bag before letting out a laugh. “Yeah, it is. For you,” he said, holding it out for a confused Jodie to take. “As a thank you for the last minute baby sitting.”

“Oh, please, anything for my godchild,” Jodie scoffed before holding the bag close to her chest, grinning. “I’ll still take it. Thanks, Calum.” Aspen chuckled as her boyfriend merely grinned, yet Jodie’s smile quickly faltered as she looked at the two parents worriedly. “But, you guys, something’s up with Luna. She’s been kind of down ever since I picked her up.”

Instantly, both Aspen and Calum went into concerned mode. “Did she say why?” Aspen asked as she put her bag down on the couch, eyebrows drawing together as she looked at her best friend.

Jodie gave a shake of her head and pursed her lips. “No; I tried to get it out of her but she wouldn’t budge. She ate some mac and cheese when we got back and did her homework and now she’s coloring in the dining room but, like, not a word.” Running her fingers through her hair, she added with a regretful sigh, “I would’ve texted you guys but I didn’t want you to worry while at work, and I didn’t expect her to keep it in this long.”

Aspen’s eyes dart to where the dining room was, the wall obstructing her view, as Calum sighed. “It’s okay, Jodie, thanks. We’ll see what’s up—you wanna stay for dinner?”

“Thanks, but I gotta get going,” Jodie denied with a smile, moving to grab her bag. “Lemme know how it goes.”

Aspen hugged her best friend. “Thanks, Jodie,” she said gratefully and once Jodie was gone, Aspen was on her way to the dining room, Calum right behind her.

They walked around to see Luna sitting on a chair, the overhead light bright as she colored away in one of her many books. Color pencils were strewn about on the table, and Aspen felt a worried thud in her chest when Luna didn’t even look up as Calum greeted gently, “Hey, bug.”

Instead, the five year old kept her head down, lazily—sadly—coloring as she responded in the smallest voice, “Hi.”

Aspen looked up at Calum, a silent worry present between them, before the two made their way over to their daughter. She settled to Luna’s right when Calum took the seat on her left, Aspen glancing down to see Duke sitting under the table, before looking at Luna again. Her dark curls sat thickly around her shoulders, not quite allowing Aspen to see the little girl’s face, and so she reached up and gently tucked some of Luna’s curls behind her ears. “Baby.” Her voice was soft, gentle, ducking her head to try and get a look at Luna. “Why are you sad?”

Luna gave a small shake of her head, eyes still on the coloring page. Aspen felt her chest tighten at Luna’s refusal to even look at them, her own eyebrows drawing together in distress. “I’m not sad,” Luna mumbled. Her tone contradicted her words.

Calum rested his left elbow on the table, facing the little girl as he tried gently, “It’s okay if you are. Maybe we can help.”

She was silent for a few moments, continuing her coloring, the worry in both Calum and Aspen increasing by the second. They looked at each other over Luna’s head, both of their gazes nothing but concerned, snapping back to Luna when they heard a sniffle emit from her. They shifted, ducking their heads, and when Aspen pushed some of Luna’s hair out of her face, she felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach when she noticed the pink on Luna’s cheeks and nose, and the wetness from the tears falling from her green eyes.

Aspen’s breath caught in her throat, a panic bubbling in her veins as she softly gasped, “Oh, baby,” before wrapping her arms around Luna. The five year old let go of the coloring pencil, allowing her mother to pull her in with her back pressed against Aspen’s front. She held Luna comfortingly, Calum’s own expression worry and panic stricken as he shuffled forward to sit in Luna’s now vacant chair, facing her as Aspen lowered her head to still take a look at her. “Tell us what’s wrong, bub. Please?”

Luna’s head still hung low and the ache in Aspen’s chest intensified the longer the silence dragged on, especially when it was broken by Luna’s sniffles, and Aspen looked at Calum. He looked just as alarmed, unsettled by the sight of an obviously distressed Luna, and Aspen gently bounced her knee in hopes of calming the little girl.

Luna sucked in a breath before she began speaking, her voice a quiet mumble, too upset to speak up. “B-Brooke gave all the kids cards to her birthday a-and I didn’t get o-one.”

Aspen inhaled sharply at her words, feeling an aggravated fire ignite in her bones, just barely replacing the worry over her daughter. Of fucking course Bailey Clarkson’s daughter would have something to do with Luna’s distressed mood, and despite the anger brimming her veins, Aspen’s heart went out to her daughter. Her jaw clenched, eyes meeting Calum’s, who looked just as indignant as she felt. Though the circumstances were vastly different, Aspen knew what it was like to feel unwanted, and she absolutely despised that her daughter was feeling this way, and that someone had gone out of their way to make her feel so. And while she couldn’t entirely set her anger towards another five year old, she sure as hell could call out her mother.

When it was Luna’s birthday a few months ago, Aspen had made sure to write out invitations to every classmate of Luna’s—including Brooke Clarkson. When Luna had asked her why, Aspen had told her daughter it would be mean to give every kid an invitation and not Brooke, and Luna had understood. She didn’t want the mean girl to feel bad, so she didn’t argue against Aspen. That only left Aspen wondering how she’d gotten such a good little kid. Of course, Brooke didn’t show up to Luna’s party, which was barely noticed given that Luna was surrounded by family and other friends. But at least an invitation had gotten to Brooke; at least she didn’t feel left out when Luna handed hers out to her classmates.

And for it to come around like this pissed Aspen off. She had a good feeling that Luna was probably the only one in their class that Brooke didn’t give an invitation to, and while the little girl probably didn’t know any better, her mother sure as hell did. To go out of their way to make Luna feel like this. . . The rage in Aspen’s veins was unstable.

But she was pulled out of it as Luna cried, and Aspen pushed her anger aside to hug her daughter, pulling Luna’s back into her chest and burying her face in the small crook of Luna’s neck. “Oh, bub, I’m so sorry,” she murmured, one hand coming up to push Luna’s hair out of the way.

Calum leaned forward, his hands grasping Luna’s smaller ones, but before he could offer his own reassurances, Luna hiccuped, “I invi-invited her to my birthday. I was the only one who didn’t get a card for hers.”

Aspen’s jaw clenched. She was about a second away from calling Bailey and cursing that woman out.

“That just means you care more about other people’s feelings, bug,” Calum told her, his voice soft and smooth. It wasn’t his objective, but his tone was calming Aspen down from her rage. She hoped it was helping Luna, too. His dark eyes were warm as he peered at his daughter, and Aspen could see him try to hide his own struggle of pushing aside how upset he was to see Luna so distraught. Bringing Luna’s hands up, he pressed a kiss on her knuckles and said, “Not everyone’s as nice as you are.”

He was good at sugar coating it. Aspen really just wanted to drop the B-word on both Bailey and her snot-nosed brat.

Luna wasn’t shaking as much, her cries dying down as she sniffled through a now stuffy nose, and the tightness in Aspen’s chest had yet to loosen up. The ball in her throat also made it difficult to breathe, her disbelief and indignance over this entire situation wildly unsettling. But appearing calm and comforting for her daughter was her priority.

So Aspen took another breath, head still next to Luna’s as she tried to get her mind off of this. “Come on, baby, do you want dinner? We can order pizza or McDonalds—whatever you want.”

Luna reached up to rub at her eyes to rid of the tears, and Calum reached up to cup her small face in his large hands to wipe away the wetness on her cheeks with his thumbs, offering a gentle smile. A moment later, Luna answered, “McDonalds.”

“Alright; you finish coloring and we’ll order the food, bug,” Calum said, taking Luna from Aspen’s lap as he stood up, placing the five year old back in her chair and kissing the top of her head.

Aspen got up as well, sucking in a sharp breath and walking into the kitchen as Duke hopped up on her chair. Calum was right behind her, and as soon as she knew they were out of Luna’s range of hearing, Aspen hissed out, “I’m gonna fucking break Bailey Clarkson’s fake nose.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Calum’s calm voice spoke up from behind her, hands on Aspen’s rigid shoulders as he came to appear in front of her. He looked down at his girlfriend, took in her tight features and fiery eyes, and added, “Let’s order dinner before Googling how to get rid of a body.”

Aspen grunted incoherently, pulling out her phone and going on the UberEats app as she muttered, “I went to nursing school; I can figure out how to get rid of a body.” She was halfway through putting in their order when she started waving around her phone, her thoughts raging. “I just—I can’t believe this bullshit,” Aspen ranted, a glare forming on her face as she stared at Calum indignantly. “Her daughter bullied Luna and now she’s just feeding into it!”

“Sweetheart,” Calum spoke up, trying to be the more tranquil one in this situation. Aspen knew he was just as disgruntled, offended, outraged as her, but he was trying to be the voice of reason for their benefit. They couldn’t have two murderous parents in this moment. “Even if Luna got invited, would you have let her gone?”

Aspen scoffed with a roll of her eyes. “That’s not the point, Calum. We still invited that little troll to Luna’s party because, as a mother, I wouldn’t want a kid to feel bad. Apparently Bailey doesn’t have the same consideration for Luna.”

“I—wait,” Calum paused, holding up a finger as he blinked under furrowed eyebrows before a scoff that was all too amused escaped him. “Did you just call a five year old a-a troll?”

Not her finest moment, but Aspen stood by it. “She made Luna cry. She’s a troll,” she deadpanned before grunting in annoyance and completing the order. It’d arrive in half an hour. Putting her phone away, Aspen looked up at Calum once more, her shoulders sinking under his touch as she let out a breath. Her expression fell as well as she rolled her lips into her mouth. “A little girl should never feel so. . . Unwanted.” Aspen’s gaze dropped to her feet, and suddenly there was a burning in her eyes she wasn’t aware she had been holding back. More to herself than Calum, Aspen whispered, “I never wanted Luna to feel that way.”

It’s part of why she ran. She had felt unwanted, her own fear and insecurities playing into it, and she didn’t want her baby to feel that way. Ever. And yet, Aspen hadn’t been able to uphold that responsibility.

Calum was not lost as to what Aspen was alluding to, and now his heart ached not just for his daughter, but for his girlfriend, too. And while he wasn’t a mind reader, he knew Aspen all too well, could read her by her facial expressions, and knew exactly what was running through that brain of hers. “We can’t protect her from everything, doll,” Calum murmured, his hands sliding from her shoulders to cup her cheeks, prompting her to lift her head up. “She’ll get past this, yeah?” He smiled softly, thumbs rubbing at Aspen’s cheeks. “She’s tough, just like her mama.”

Aspen let out a breath, lips quirking at Calum’s words as her green eyes remained on his brown. She gave a subtle nod, telling him she acknowledged and was appreciative of what he said. Then, with all seriousness, she added, “Her mama’s gonna fight a bitch, too.”

Calum smirked. “That’s hot.”

*****

“You didn’t have to come too, ya know.”

“I dunno what you’re talking about; I just wanna see my daughter.”

Aspen rolled her eyes until they landed on Calum, standing next to her, waiting for the final bell of the day to ring to let out all the elementary schoolers. “You can see her at home,” she pointed out matter-of-factly.

Calum made it a point not to look at her, comically so, as he kept his gaze, hidden behind sunglasses, on the building ahead and hushed her. It only served to make Aspen scoff with a shake of her head. She knew he was here to make sure she didn’t completely lose it in the courtyard of the school at Bailey Clarkson. Calum’s concern was justified, Aspen knew, but still. She knew better than to—

“Oh! Aspen! There you are!”

She took a deep breath, long and bracing, feeling Calum tense up next to her as she turned her head, sunglasses protecting her from the rays above. The devil herself, Mrs. Bailey Clarkson, was approaching them in heels Aspen kind of hoped she would slip on against the ice. As if he could feel the blood in Aspen’s veins beginning to boil, Calum took a step closer towards her while murmuring quietly, “Please don’t throw any punches.”

Aspen puckered her lips briefly, indignantly. “No promises.” Calum merely sighed. She didn’t even bother plastering on a fake friendly smile as Bailey approached.

“Gosh, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” she reckoned as she came to a stop in front of them, her laugh couldn’t possibly be sounding more fake if she tried. Her own eyes were hidden behind a pair of sunglasses, one arm crossed over her as the strap of her purse hung by the crook of her elbow. Bailey’s eyebrows raised as she continued, “I heard you were in a terrible accident—good to see you back on your feet.”

Next to her, Aspen felt Calum tense at the mention of one of the scariest moments in both of their lives. Aspen, on the other hand, fought to roll her eyes. Many of the other parents had at least called or texted Aspen, giving her their well wishes, some even so far as bringing over food for their little family. Still, Aspen kept a straight face towards Bailey as she responded, “Better than ever.” Taking a small breath, Aspen began, “Actually, Bailey, I wanted to talk to you about—”

Bailey cut her off with her gaze flickering to the sky as she sounded, “Oh,” with a wave of her hand. “I was going to talk to you about that.” Aspen watched as a sympathetic expression washed over her face, one that she knew to be utterly fake and dismissive. Lacing her fingers together, Bailey continued, “I hope you don’t mind about Brooke not inviting Luna to her birthday. With the girls having trouble with each other in class, I figured you’d appreciate me taking the measures of keeping them out of more of it.”

Oh, of course she thought she was doing everyone a favor by alienating Luna.

“It’s not a matter of attending the party, Mrs. Clarkson—it’s a matter of receiving an invitation at all,” Calum said, his own tone hard and void of much emotion. He lifted his chin, looking down at the woman. “Brooke had gotten an invitation to Luna’s birthday.” With his eyebrows drawing together, he asked, “You don’t think it was unfair that Luna was the only kid in their class to not get an invite?”

“Well, I—” Bailey scoffed out a laugh, gaze darting between Calum and Aspen behind her sunglasses. With a shake of her head and a shrug of one shoulder, she surmised, “I didn’t think it’d be such a big deal.”

Aspen’s jaw tightened, skin warming from the anger she could feel brimming. The rage was barely contained in her voice as she shot back, “You didn’t think it’d be a big deal to purposefully make Luna feel bad by leaving her out?”

Bailey’s lips parted, having the gall to appear incredulous as she eyed Aspen up and down before remarking, “No wonder Luna’s such a sensitive kid.”

Aspen felt Calum’s hand on her lower back, grounding her from the anger quickly rising, but she remained calm. She didn’t want to give Bailey Clarkson the satisfaction of getting under her skin. So she offered a smile, completely fake in its sweetness as she returned, “And it looks the rotten apple didn’t fall far from the tree in your family.” With a tilt of her head and a condescending smile, Aspen added, “God knows what kind of woman your daughter will become with you as a mother.”

That had Bailey’s expression falling from behind the shield of her sunglasses, a tightness in her features as she indignantly stammered out, “I-I beg your pardon?”

The woman was rendered speechless, completely bewildered and outraged by Aspen’s comment, which only granted her tremendous satisfaction just as the final bell rang at 11:45, signalling the end of the school day that was actually cut in half for teachers’ workshop. Next to Aspen, Calum piped up dismissively, “School’s out. Excuse us, Mrs. Clarkson.”

With one last smile at Bailey, Aspen followed Calum to take a few steps closer towards the building, feeling Bailey’s heated glare burning at the backs, as the doors opened and kids began filing out. His arm found Aspen’s shoulders, pulling her into him as he said in a low rasp, “That was way hotter than any ass kicking.”

Aspen let out a short laugh, her right arm going around his waist as they waited for Luna to come out. “I think that was one of the most satisfying moments of my life,” she hummed thoughtfully just as they caught sight of Luna leaving the building, her ponytail bouncing behind her as she approached her parents.

“Hi, bug,” Calum grinned, letting go of Aspen to crouch down and pick up Luna, settling her on his hip. He kissed her cheek, eliciting a smile from the little girl, as he asked, “How was school?”

Luna nodded as Aspen took off her backpack. “Good. We have show and tell next week. Can I bring Duke?”

“Uh,” Calum paused, looking at Aspen for a moment as she raised her eyebrows, and Calum let out a nervous chuckle as he said, “We’ll see, bug. Duke can be a little unfriendly sometimes.”

Lune tilted her head, eyebrows furrowing together in childish confusion. “He’s not unfriendly with me?”

Aspen chuckled as they continued to where the car was parked, looking at Calum as he took this one. He merely grinned, poking Luna’s stomach as he told her truthfully, “That’s ’cause he loves you,” as Luna giggled happily.

They reached the car and Calum opened the backdoor, getting Luna inside and buckling her in before shutting the door. He looked at Aspen over the roof of the Range Rover, raising his eyebrows as he smiled at her. “Ready for today?”

She returned the grin, her excitement bright in her green eyes. “Hell yeah.”

*****

The bumper car collided with Aspen’s, a laughing oof escaping her as the sound of Luna’s giggles reached her ears. “We got you, Mama!” she cheered from where she sat in the yellow bumper car with Calum.

Next to Aspen, Mariam giggled as her aunt huffed, “Traitor!”

They enjoyed themselves, hitting bumper car after bumper car, and Aspen hadn’t really expected herself to have fun in this setting because of what happened. But bumper cars were vastly different than an actual car accident, and Luna’s giggles along with her nieces’, as well as Jodie and the boys’ laughter made for a much lighter experience. Colorful lights surrounded the bumper car arena, as well as the entirety of Bryant Park where Aspen and Calum had decided to bring Luna.

Seeing her so upset the other night had their hearts breaking, so the two of them decided to do something special for her, and since today she had a half day at school and it was the middle of the week, it worked out perfectly. So they called Jodie and the boys, as well as Rich to see if he’d bring the twins, and they all ended up at Bryant Park, which had been transformed into a winter village. Except Rich couldn’t make it, staying back with a pregnant Laila, so Aspen and Calum picked up Nadia and Mariam before taking them to the city.

They’d all stopped at one of the holiday shops and bought hot chocolate with marshmallows to top them with before the girls—and Michael—spotted the bumper cars. Aspen shouldn’t have been surprised when Calum pulled her aside and asked if she was okay to go in them; he’d always been one of the most considerate people she’d ever met, so the fact that his concern for Aspen and whatever trauma she may still have from the car accident tied into her getting into a bumper car had both taken her aback and also melted her heart.

Then she’d proceeded to say she was gonna kick his ass at bumper cars, and the challenge had been set.

“Mama, we beat you!” Luna cheered as they all got out of their cars, grinning up at her mother as she bounced on her feet.

“You beat me?” Aspen repeated in a shocked, disbelieving tone for her benefit. She scoffed, picking up Luna and resting her on her hip as they began walking. “No, no, I think I beat you.” Leaning towards her, Aspen’s eyes flickered to Calum, who was giving Mariam a few quarters so she could play with one of the claw machines to win herself a toy. Loud enough for her boyfriend to hear, Aspen added, “Your dad’s a terrible driver.”

Calum’s gaze met hers, jaw dropping in offense as Jodie and Luke snickered at his expense. Michael, Ashton and Nadia were too busy cheering Mariam on. “I’m a terrible driver?” Calum repeated, walking towards them with a challenging raise of his eyebrows. With a smirk, he added, “Sounds like you’re projecting, love.”

Aspen scoffed as Calum dropped his arm around her shoulders, chuckling when she playfully shoved him away. “Shut up.”

Luna’s lips formed an O, wide green eyes on her mother as she cutely chastised, “Shut up is a bad word, Mama.”

Aspen pressed her lips together, her own eyes widening in childish surprise as Calum met her exaggerated gaze with one of his own, and he gave a shake of his head and clicked his tongue. “Mama’s got a potty mouth,” Calum taunted.

Luna then shifted, and Aspen felt her heart swell when her daughter gave her a kiss to her lips, pulling back with a toothy grin as she declared, “All clean!”

She warmed her parents instantly as Calum’s expression softened at the adorable action, and Luna was oblivious to the effect she had on her mom and dad as she asked, “I wanna see Mariam play.”

Aspen let her down as Luna ran over to where everyone else was cheering on Mariam, and she gave a shake of her head as she looked at Calum, who had yet to look away from their daughter. Aspen let out a sigh as she leaned her head against Calum’s shoulder. “Sometimes it fucking hurts how much I love her.”

She felt Calum let out a gentle, short agreeing chuckle, arm still hooked around her shoulders. Then, with a playful lilt, he stated, “You said a bad word again.” Aspen scoffed, lips quirking, as Calum’s free hand reached up and he gently grasped her chin with his fingers, pulling her face towards him. He closed the distance with his lips capturing hers in a slow, sweet kiss that Aspen instinctively melted into, humming approvingly against the softness of Calum’s lips and the warmth of his touch. He pulled away too soon with one last peck and he murmured through a smile, “All clean.”

Aspen laughed, heart fluttering as they pulled away, and with a teasing grin she said, “That’s kind of gross, when you think about it.”

Calum scoffed, rolling his dark eyes as he chastised jokingly, “Don’t ruin an adorable bit our daughter created.”

She giggled once again. “Sorry, sorry.” Her gaze swept over to the claw machine where everyone was gathered around, cheering as Mariam won herself a little purple hippo. Luke put in some quarters and then proceeded to help Nadia try to win a stuffed animal for herself, and Aspen knew it was only a matter of minutes until it was Luna’s turn. She took in the grin of her daughter as Ashton held her in his arms so she could watch the claw, and Aspen relaxed against Calum. Quietly, she said, “She looks happy.”

“Yeah; all thanks to you, love,” Calum said, rubbing her arm soothingly. When he looked down at her, Aspen could see the delight swimming in his dark eyes, the warmth in his smile as he added proudly, “You’re quite the mama bear.” Then, with his lips just barely brushing the shell of her ear, he added in a low rasp, “She’s lucky to have you.”

Aspen’s grin widened, a warmth in her cheeks, the heat of Calum’s body far more comforting than the layers she had on. He kissed her temple, arm around her giving her a squeeze as he finished earnestly, “We both are.”

tags: @irwinkitten @sweetcherrymike @meetashthere @valentinelrh @softforcal @astroashtonio @hereforlukescruff @novacanecalum @captain-what-is-going-on @angelbbycal @singt0mecalum @hopelessxcynic @lfwallscouldtalk @bodhi-black @findingliam-o @softlrh @calntynes @calumsmermaid @erikamarie41 @quintodosuniversos @longlastingdaydream @babylon-corgis @lukehemmingsunflower @imfuckin10plybud @pastelpapermoons @conquerwhatliesahead92 @rotten-kandy @metangi @neigcthood @ohhmuke @old-zeppelin-shirt @5sos-and-hessa @trustmeimawhalebiologist @vxlentinecal @pettybassists @vaporshawn @lu-my-golden-boi @visualm3nte @isabella-mae13 @dontjinx-it @lifeakaharry @neonweeknds @antisocialbandmate @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave @calpalbby @grreatgooglymoogly @sunnysidesblog @gorgeouslygrace @cocktail-calum @miahelizaaabeth @madelynerin @dramallamawithsparkles @theagenderwhocriedwolf @kaytiebug14 @hoodskillerqueen @bitchinbabylon @empathycth @xhaileyreneex @inlovehoodx @aestheticrelated @bloodlinecal @sublimehood @madbomb @raabiac @britnicole11 @outofmylimitcal @fluffsshawn @bloodmoonashton @vxidhood @tea4sykes @lukeinblue @mysteriouslycali @hoodcentral @rosecoloredash @hearts-to-the-sky

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prosopopeya · 4 years

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New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go? food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s.

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

#happy new year #annual meme

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xofanfics · 4 years

Text

Dawn - Alternate Ending II

Genre: angst, fluff, implied smut

Pairing: Reader x Mingyu ; Reader x Junhui

Word Count: 3.5k

Summary: You find out you’re pregnant after you and your boyfriend break up.

You closed the last box you were packing for the night. In the end, you decided to move in with Mingyu. No one wanted you to but it was your decision to make. You didn’t want your daughter to grow up without her dad around. You didn’t want your daughter to grow up hating him for not being there for her. So, you were moving in with him and that was that.

Mingyu came in, wiping his hands on his shirt. “When should I have the movers come?”

“How about Saturday?”

Mingyu nodded and taped up the box. “Sounds good.” He took out his phone and handed it to you, showing a picture. “I rearranged the room a little. I pushed the bed against the wall to make more room. I was thinking the crib can go next to the dresser?”

You smiled. “Yeah. It just can’t be too big.”

“When she gets bigger we’ll move into a bigger place, of course.”

You leaned in, pressing your lips to his cheek for a quick kiss. This brought a smile to Mingyu’s face. He said, “What was that for?”

You returned his smile. “No reason.”

He placed his hand on your stomach, gently caressing it. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

“About four more months…”

“I hope she’s just as beautiful as her mom.”

Blood rushed to your cheeks, making them hot. If he said anything else cute, your whole face would surely light up like Christmas tree lights. Your smile became wider.

Then Mingyu started laughing. “You’re blushing right now?”

You felt your cheek, self-conscious. “Shut up.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Can we try again? I miss you…”

Mirai was a good girl but she wasn’t you. Though he’d been dating Mirai for over a year now, he didn’t feel as strongly as he felt about you despite dating you for a shorter period of time. He cared about her. He did. He loved her. But it wasn’t the same.

When Jun was with Mirai, he constantly wondered if this was how things were supposed to be. He loved her and cared about her but, on the other hand, he felt restless, bored even.

He wished that you hadn’t chosen Mingyu but what right did he have to protest when you’d chosen the father of your child? When he first realized that you’d gotten back with him, he was hurt. It hurt him because you’d expressed how much he hurt you. And for you to end up choosing him felt like a slap in the face.

But none of that mattered. And he couldn’t talk to anyone about it either. So, he kept his feelings wrapped up inside him. He had to pretend that he was okay with how things had turned out even if he wasn’t.

He’s seen you several times after you made your decision. He was still very much a part of the friend group. He recalled a time where everyone ate dinner together. You were there, too, of course. You’d still been pregnant at the time, your belly huge. Everyone cooed over you and asked a million questions about the baby. Thankfully, almost as if for his sake, your boyfriend wasn’t mentioned in the conversation.

He watched you as you talked. You were beautiful as ever. This pregnancy had you glowing in every way. Even looking at you, he felt guilty. It wasn’t like he wanted to have an affair with you; that wasn’t it. But he wished that things had gone differently. And he wondered why you made this decision. But from what he’d gathered, he figured you were afraid. Afraid of judgment, afraid of motherhood, maybe even afraid of losing him. Maybe that was why you broke up with him in the first place. Maybe you thought that he wouldn’t stay with you.

After dinner, he took a taxi home with Michelle since her boyfriend’s place was near his. And she said, “Do you still have feelings for her?”

He froze. Could he be honest with her? Could he be honest with himself? He didn’t think he could say it out loud so he just nodded.

“I’m sorry…” Michelle put her head in her hands. She was friends with both of you and couldn’t help but put the blame on herself. “I feel like this is my fault since I set you two up in the first place…”

“Don’t blame yourself,” he said. “It’s not your fault that we didn’t work out. It just wasn’t meant I guess.”

“Are you happy? Mirai seems like a good girl.”

“That’s the thing that’s been bothering me. I don’t know. I’m satisfied but I’m still not sure.”

He wanted to be happy and, to be honest, he wasn’t even sure if he was unhappy because you seemed to be happy without him. The cause of his unhappiness was unclear. Maybe he was just bored with his life in general. Maybe Mirai wasn’t the problem. Maybe he was getting tired of his job. Maybe he just needed to do something exciting. Maybe a trip would be good for him. Maybe he should just leave Korea, period.

Your water broke at the most inconvenient time ever. You were in the middle of a meeting and your baby apparently wanted out. You stood up from your chair quietly when you realized that something was wrong. To make matters worse, your coworkers all looked up at you.

A few awkward seconds passed before you said, “My, uh, water broke…”

Your boss looked at you with wide eyes before rushing toward you to ask a million questions. “Oh God,” she said. “Are you in any pain? Did it really break?”

You felt the back of your pants, confirming that, indeed, your water had broken. At that moment, you were grateful that your pants were black.

Your coworker that sat at the desk behind you said, “The baby’s really coming?”

“I think she’s ready to come out.” You added, “Should I go to the hospital now? Do I wait? What do you do?” You couldn’t help but laugh. In movies, it was always so much more dramatic when a woman’s water broke. But you weren’t in any pain; contractions hadn’t started yet.

You grabbed your own phone and called Mingyu. You wanted to let him know sooner rather than later. Your due date wasn’t for another two weeks and Mingyu had argued with you about going to work. Your boss fought with you about it too but you couldn’t just sit at home doing nothing while everyone else was at work.

“Hello?” he answered.

“Mingyu,” you said, “she’s coming…”

“Oh my God!” he said, panic clear in his voice. “You’re at work, right? Should I come get you? How far is the hospital? Did you call Doctor Lee?”

“No, no,” you said. “I can manage on my own.” But then you felt the moisture in your pants and felt gross. “Actually, could you go home and bring me some pants? Then we can go together.”

Mingyu was excited. He practically ran out of the office, yelling a little too aggressively at his boss that his daughter was coming before grabbing his jacket and dashing down ten flights of steps, clearly too impatient to wait for the elevator. He took a taxi home, throwing some comfortable clothes for you into his backpack. And he also grabbed your favorite snacks. He threw all these items in a bag in quite the hurry before taking off for your office.

His baby girl was going to be here soon. You weren’t due until June 26th but here she was two weeks early. He smiled to himself on his way to pick you up. He couldn’t wait to hold her in his arms. You’d both decided on the name Jaehwa. It was so pretty.

He came into your office for the first time, to give you the clothes. He’d never been here. And everyone was excited to meet him. As he walked in the door he was greeted with “You’re Y/N’s boyfriend, right?” and “Are you excited?”

While you were in the bathroom changing, your coworkers took a liking to him. Your coworkers told him that he was handsome and that they were excited for you.

“I never saw Y/N as a mom but no one is fully prepared to be a parent,” said your boss.

“She’s the best,” Mingyu said, smiling proudly.

He was excited. His heart swelled every time he looked at you. You would be going into labor in just a couple hours and the two of you would meet your baby girl. He couldn’t wait to see her beautiful face.

You came out in a few minutes, holding onto the wall for support.

Of course, Mingyu rushed to your side. “Are you in any pain baby?”

“A little,” you said. “I’m just really uncomfortable…”

Mingyu nodded. “Let’s get you to the hospital so you can get comfortable.”

Your coworkers bid you goodbye and good luck as you left for the hospital with Mingyu’s hand around your waist.

A baby’s cry filled the room as you recovered from that last push. You’d spent the past ten hours in labor and were grateful that it was all over. Mingyu wiped the sweat from your forehead with a small towel. You let out a deep breath, completely exhausted from giving birth.

You barely had enough energy to move your head. You felt weak. Pushing out a baby took a lot out of you.

Mingyu kissed your forehead. “You did well, baby. She’s here…”

And a moment later, a nurse was carrying her over to you. She was still a little fussy, limbs flailing around. She was beautiful and it brought tears to your eyes. “Mommy’s here,” you said, caressing her tiny little hand.

As she settled down, you passed her to Mingyu. And Mingyu stared at her for a moment before tearing up. His little girl was finally here.

“She’s beautiful,” he whispered, sniffling. “She looks like you.”

And you smiled. “I can’t wait to watch her grow up with you.”

Mingyu laughed. “Hopefully she doesn’t grow up too fast…” He returned your smile. “You’ll be an amazing mom. I know you will.”

You thought about it. Though you didn’t want to be a mom, initially, you were grateful to have been put in this situation. It made you stronger and forced you to be more responsible. Every decision you’d made at this point was so that the baby had a good life. At first, you doubted you’d move in with Mingyu but the more you thought about it, the more it made sense.

A FEW MONTHS LATER...

Jun felt happier these days. He’d been working out. His skin had been clearer. And he and Mirai were doing better. Whatever he’d been going through must’ve just been a phase because he felt much better about himself, about his life, about Mirai. He was happy with her. He knew that he loved her even if she wasn’t you. He had finally come to terms with what happened with you. He felt like he could finally move on and maybe that reason alone was the reason for his happiness.

Jun’s doorbell rang as he started to get his dinner together. It’d been a long day and he hadn’t had much time to cook anything. He’d settled on making some stir fry. He paused to get the door. He expected it to possibly be his protein powder being delivered a little early. But Mirai was on the other side of the door, face swollen and red like she’d just been crying.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as she came inside.

She didn’t answer at first. She took off her jacket and her shoes before walking to the kitchen table. “I didn’t get approved for my visa extension…”

“Oh,” was all Jun could say. He reached out for her and took her hands in his. He looked down at her but she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

He knew what this meant. In a situation like this there were usually two options: Break up or do long-distance. He’d never done long distance before and wasn’t sure how he felt about his girlfriend being so far away from him when he’d grown accustomed to pretty much seeing her whenever he wanted. He didn’t want to break up either. He felt like their relationship was in a good place yet Mirai’s visa situation was trying to keep them apart.

He knew that these thoughts were crossing her mind as well. She stood up from the chair and went to him, wrapping her arms around him. Jun held her in his arms for a moment as his girlfriend cried into his shirt. When she calmed down and wiped some of her tears away, she said, “What are we going to do?”

Jun said, “I-I don’t know…” He swallowed. He knew that this meant that she would have to leave the country soon, so he asked her the most important question. “When do you have to go?”

“In the next two months…”

Jun wasn’t ready to let her slip through his fingers like this. He didn’t want to lose her. “What if I went with you?”

She looked up at Jun, wiping her tears and finally meeting his eyes. “What?”

“What if I went with you...back to Thailand?”

“You’d do that?” she asked, in complete disbelief. “You have your whole life here. You got approved for your visa and you just got that raise. You’d have to start over again.”

“I mean, as corny as this sounds, there’s not much in Seoul keeping me here. I have a job and an apartment here but I can always have both of these things somewhere else. I can apply to jobs in Bangkok. My company has a location in Thailand too so I can talk to my boss about relocation...”

She kissed him. “You’d really come with me?”

“Of course,” he said. “I love you. I care about you. I don’t want to be here if I’m here and you’re in Thailand…”

“I love you, too, Jun…”

Then she started crying again. “No one’s ever done anything like this for me...You’re such an amazing person, Jun.”

Not to say that Mirai had been through guy after guy but the men she’d dated in the past weren’t men of their word. They were the kind of men that would promise her things and break them. Jun was the most genuine and the kindest man she’d ever met. She was curious why the last girlfriend he had broke up with him. He hadn’t told her much, just that she was the one who broke up with him and that she’d met her briefly in the street that time. She always wondered but didn’t want to push him into telling her if he didn’t want to. After all, it didn’t matter. Jun was with Mirai now and he loved her enough to leave his life in Seoul behind for a new one in Thailand.

Jun smiled. “No more tears, okay?”

Things had changed. You weren’t sure if you made the right choices up to this point. Since you had Jaehwa, you felt like something was missing. You loved your daughter but sometimes you just felt so overwhelmed with being a mother. Mingyu was here, together with you, but being a parent wasn’t easy by any means.

You were a little jealous of how easily it seemed to come to Mingyu. And Jaehwa was already a bit of a daddy’s girl. He was always getting her to laugh and she was constantly reaching for him. She was seven months old now and you felt like you didn’t have the bond with her that you thought you would. You knew that it was stupid of you to think this but you wondered if deep down Jaehwa knew that you’d thought of having an abortion. But it was silly to think something like that.

You got out of the bath; your fifteen minutes of relaxation was over. Reality set in as you put on your pajamas. You sat on the bed. You weren’t feeling like yourself these days. Depression was beginning to set in. You’d read about postpartum depression but you weren’t sure if that was it or if you were just feeling a general unhappiness with the way things had turned out.

Mingyu came in the room with Jaehwa in his arms. She was still awake. He sat down next to you on the bed and said, “She’s a little cranky tonight.”

You smiled. “Are you tired?” Jaehwa reached out for you and Mingyu placed her in your arms. You bounced her in your lap, causing her to erupt into little baby giggles.

Mingyu looked at you and he knew something was wrong. He got that feeling from you often but he wasn’t sure if he should ask you about it or not. So, finally, he said, “Are you okay?”

You nodded. “Yeah…”

He scooted closer and put his arm around you. “You don’t seem like yourself lately.”

You started rocking Jaehwa. It was well after her bedtime and you knew that she was fighting sleep because all the lights were on and her parents were awake. “Let me put her to sleep first,” you said, cradling your baby in your arms. “Then let’s talk.”

Mingyu’s heart swelled as he watched you. He loved seeing you hold her. He loved seeing the woman he loved holding their baby. Since you’d given birth, he felt so proud; so proud of you and the baby you made. He was confident that Jaehwa was the most beautiful baby he’d laid eyes on. He loved her with all of his heart and he wanted to be an amazing dad to her.

You looked down at your daughter. She looked up at you with curious eyes and though you weren’t making any specific expression, she smiled at you. It was small things like this that made you happy you decided to go through with the pregnancy. She whined for a moment as you rocked her and, by the time you looked down at her again, her eyes were closed and her mouth was open.

Mingyu chuckled and took out his phone, snapping a picture of the cute moment. “I’m gonna send this to my parents.”

“She looks like you when she’s asleep.”

Mingyu rolled his eyes. “Yeah I guess all she got from me is my eyelids since your genes clearly took over.”

You chuckled as you stood up. “Maybe she’ll look more like you when she’s older.” You placed Jaehwa down in her crib, putting the blanket over her.

Mingyu waited for you on the bed; he’d made himself comfortable and he patted the side meant for you. You got in bed next to him and turned the light out.

He pulled you onto his chest. “Are you unhappy?”

You sighed. “I think I’m just feeling a little...burnt out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just need a break,” you said. “I was thinking of taking a couple days off next week. You know, to get myself together.”

Mingyu nodded. “That’s fair. My mom can watch Jaehwa the days you’re off so you can at least have some alone time while I’m at work.”

“I hate to ask her something like that…”

“It’s fine,” he said. “She complains about how we don’t bring her over often enough. She’d love to spend more time with her.”

You nodded and lay on his chest. For a few minutes, you just listened to the sound of his heartbeat. You assumed Mingyu had fallen asleep but when you looked, his eyes met yours.

He cleared his throat and said, “Does this have anything to do with what I asked you the other day?”

The other day, Mingyu suggested that you get married. It had taken you by surprise, to be honest. It’s not that you didn’t want to or that you didn’t love him; you did. For some reason, you just weren’t ready to take that step. You had some things you needed to work on before you became anyone’s wife.

You shook your head. “No. It’s not that.”

He frowned. “Do you love me?”

“Of course I do,” you said, sitting up. You took his hand in yours. taking his hand. “Marriage is just such a huge commitment and, with all of these things going on, I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

He kissed your forehead. “That’s okay. I just wanted to know what you thought of it. Don’t feel pressured. If we’re going to get married someday, I want it to be when you’re ready.”

You kissed his lips, climbing on top of him in the process. “I love you, Mingyu...”

He held you by your waist, looking into your eyes. “I love you, too, Y/N…”

Mingyu watched as you peeled off your pajama shirt before he flipped you over and planted kisses against your neck, careful not to bruise you for work in the morning. After the rest of your clothes were tossed all over the floor and the bed, he settled between your legs and the two of you made love for what seemed like the first time in weeks.

#svt angst #svt fluff #svt smut #seventeen angst #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #mingyu fluff #mingyu angst #mingyu smut #jun fluff #jun angst #jun smut #kpop imagines #kpop angst #kpop smut #kpop fluff

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