#scar endometriosis

[affectionatepanda]

I recently had a diagnostic laparoscopy because my doctor and I were sure I had endometriosis. None was found (although I’m not entirely convinced it’s not the problem but I’m no expert) but what was found was just… So much scar tissue. Things were stuck to other things and I had an organ twisted out of place. The biggest thing for my long term health (I think) that was found- and this might be TMI but really is anyone going to read this?- my fallopian tubes are completely blocked. Meaning I can’t have children unless I either get that treated or use IVF. I didn’t particularly want to have children, at least not by using my body. But it’s weird knowing that it’s not even really an option for me. I’m not sure I’ve really processed this information; I just feel numb about it. Apparently blocked fallopian tubes are a fairly common cause of infertility. Infertility. Is that something I have to identify with now? Do I have to say I’m infertile? I’m really adding to my list of adjectives over here. Chronically ill, disabled, mentally ill, lesbian, nonbinary, neurodivergent… infertile? I guess I am. It’s such a strange feeling. I don’t know what to do with it. Oh, and we don’t know exactly what caused the scarring. My doctor’s best guess was some sort of infection but I don’t remember ever having any kind of infection that would cause this. I thought this would give me answers but I feel just as confused as before. But I’ve deemed “fixed” and he said I only need to be seen for routine screenings anyone my age would get. Maybe I’m supposed to be satisfied with that. Maybe I want too much out of my doctors, I don’t know. All I know is I don’t really… have anyone to talk to about this. Not anyone who knows what to say. It’s fine though, I don’t even know what I want to hear.

[stasea911]

Counting down the day until surgery…

… until i can feel better🙏🏼

[faggotfungus]

This Is Endometriosis by Georgie Wileman

[boomvagynamite]

something that i don't see get talked about very much about why online is Good, is that i can talk about all my various problems and disorders pretty freely and none of my only-online friends are going to tell me i'm lying or exaggerating or whatever, or go off and chat with other people about me being silly.

when people know you from the meatspace, they know you with the mask you've had on since you met them. but as you learn more about yourself you think "ohhh okay i know why i am (secretly!) like this now. and i am going to talk about why, and then maybe i am going to be more open about how i actually think, feel, and act so i can be more comfortable, because actually it is okay to be this way." with people you know irl you often can't get past that first part at all, because they know who you are (to them) and they don't see any of the stuff you're on about (because of the aforementioned mask), so if you start talking about it, they roll their eyes and you just know 'okay well this isn't safe for me so back i go', and then you never talk about it again!! and of course you extrapolate this to everything else as well.

online mutuals: you are malleable to my understanding of myself and i appreciate it.

[hellishqueer]

really wish my uterus hadn't fucked up my insides so bad before i got rid of that bitch

[raeathnos]

.

[ichthysgospel]

re ur tags fucking hell that sucks im so sorry. i shouldn't have assumed that was snarky, the notes on this post have been full of people being like WELL I SAW A DOCTOR ONE TIME AND IT DIDNT HELP! GOTCHA! so i kinda jumped to conclusions which was shitty & im sorry. i wish i had good advice for finding good doctors i literally just kept going to different ones until someone listened and giving the finger to the ones that didnt. to be fair when i got my ptsd dx i hadnt slept in a week (to avoid nightmares) and was tripping absolute balls (because apparently lack of sleep = hallucinations) so it was sort of. painfully in-your-face obvious what was going on. the doctor i was seeing before that told me i should just try to be more positive. and then refused to refill my meds unless i scheduled a pap smear. the guy before that was willing to prescribe meds but he didnt bother to look at my history and ordered meds that were straight up contraindicated for me. my most recent psychiatrist refused to prescribe anything for adhd because he thought i was ??? following a trend or something??? idk i have a good team now but it took like a decade and a lot of assholes along the way. i guess im saying hang in there/keep fighting to find a good one? and also sorry for being an ass.

aw this is actually so sweet thank you :( I'm not mad at you at all I genuine just kinda. forgot (?) doctors actually have a job besides taking your money and telling you to wait it out. I think I'm finally starting to get lucky with the doctors I have now I really appreciate the encouragement :)

[twilit-tragedy]

Got blood tests and a gyno ultrasound done yesterday and yikes! I'm just barely not anemic anymore, despite the iron supplements. I got high cholesterol out of nowhere, a severe vitD deficiency and my ovaries look like a battlefield but "not concerning", apparently. Bruh.

[harryssanc]

laproscopy scars

Just in case anyone wants to dispute the fact I had surgery and to show you what the scars look like if you want to know.

I am beautiful despite these scars, the damage and the illnesses.

[surinderbhalla]

Pain to Possibilities: Understanding Endometriosis!

Endometriosis is a complex and misunderstood medical condition affecting millions of women worldwide. It’s a condition that can cause excruciating pain, disrupt daily life, and even lead to infertility. Yet, despite its prevalence and impact, endometriosis remains underdiagnosed and frequently under-discussed. In this blog post, we will be understanding endometriosis, from pain to possibilities.…

[faggotfungus]

This Is Endometriosis by Georgie Wileman

[ceyhanmedya]

What is laparoscopy? 2023

New Post has been published on https://bankakredin.com/what-is-laparoscopy-2023/

What is laparoscopy? 2023

Thanks to the opportunities offered by modern medicine, many operations are performed much faster, safer and more comfortably today. Laparoscopy, which is one of the techniques that enables this; It can be preferred in many abdominal operations with the advantages of less complication risk and faster recovery time with small incisions. Laparoscopy, which can be used for diagnosis as well as treatment, is popularly known as closed surgery. In these operations, where the inside of the abdomen can be viewed with the help of a light camera, the surgical procedure is one of the minimally invasive (minimally damaging the tissues) types of surgery. Today, diagnosis and surgical treatment applications can be made for many diseases related to gynecology, gastroenterology, oncology and many other medical branches.

What is laparoscopy?

Laparoscopy is a surgical technique that allows surgeons to access the abdominal cavity and pelvis without making large incisions on the skin. Laparoscopy, also known as minimally invasive surgery or the keyhole technique, is performed with the help of devices called laparoscopes. The laparoscope is a lighted thin tube with a high-resolution camera at the end and allows easy viewing of the inside of the abdomen or pelvis. The images obtained from the camera are projected onto a monitor and the surgeon can follow up on this monitor and perform the procedures. In addition to the laparoscope, which allows the body to be seen, the desired operations can be performed in the abdomen with the help of several tube-like devices. Under normal conditions, a large incision is required to see the inside of the abdomen clearly with the open surgery method, while only a few 1-1.5 cm incisions are needed in the laparoscopy technique. It also brings great advantages in terms of complication risk, recovery time, and postoperative scar formation. This method, which was previously preferred only for gallbladder surgeries and gynecological surgeries, is now preferred for diagnosis and treatment for liver, intestines and many other organs.

Why is laparoscopy done?

Laparoscopy technique can be used in the diagnosis and treatment of many diseases that develop in the abdomen or pelvis. Especially gynecology, urology and gastroenterology units are among the medical units that use the laparoscopy technique very often. Some of the situations in which laparoscopic operations are commonly preferred are as follows:

Removal of a diseased or damaged organ

Gallbladder operations

Removal of cysts and fibroids

Removal of appendicitis (appendectomy)

Removal of a part of the intestine due to diseases such as diverticulitis, ulcerative colitis

Treatment of stomach ulcers

Partial or complete removal of organs such as the prostate, kidney, and bladder

termination of ectopic pregnancy

Treatment of hernias

Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) and endometriosis treatment

Removal of the uterus (hysterectomy)

Taking tissue samples (biopsy)

Apart from the treatment, the laparoscopy technique can also be used in the diagnosis phase. Imaging methods such as ultrasound, magnetic resonance (MR), computed tomography (CT) are sufficient for most of the studies on diseases in the pelvis and abdominal cavity. However, in some cases, the only way to confirm the diagnosis is by laparoscopy. Diagnostic laparoscopy may be required in cases such as pelvic inflammatory disease, endometriosis, ectopic pregnancy, ovarian cysts, undescended testis, fibroids and unexplained female infertility, abdominal pain. In addition, laparoscopy technique can be used in the diagnosis of cancers related to the pancreas, liver, ovaries, bile duct and gallbladder.

How is laparoscopy done?

Laparoscopy is a type of operation performed under general anesthesia. Patients are evaluated for their suitability for anesthesia before the operation. The patient should stop eating and drinking water 12 hours before the surgery. In addition, individuals using blood thinners are asked to stop using these drugs a few days before the operation. At the beginning of the operation, one or more holes are made in the abdominal wall by the surgeon. The laparoscope, the tube used to inflate the abdomen with carbon dioxide and small surgical instruments are inserted through these holes. In laparoscopic operations, the abdomen is inflated using carbon dioxide gas in order to obtain a better field of vision and movement. Then, the necessary examinations and treatments are performed with the help of instruments placed using incisions. When the operation is completed, the carbon dioxide gas in the abdomen is discharged, the instruments are removed, the incisions are stitched and dressing is done. In laparoscopic surgery applied for diagnostic purposes, the procedure time is generally in the range of 30-60 minutes. In therapeutic laparoscopy, the duration of the operation also varies according to the applications to be made. Patients are usually discharged the same day or the next day. Since laparoscopic surgery is a minimally invasive (less harmful) operation, the risk of complications is much lower than open operations. However, since it is a surgical intervention, complications such as infection, bleeding and bruising around the incisions, nausea and vomiting due to anesthesia can be seen, albeit rare. Because of such possibilities, patients are usually kept under observation for 24 hours.

What is the recovery process like after laparoscopy?

Recovery time is much shorter in laparoscopic surgery compared to the classical surgical technique. Patients may experience symptoms such as nausea, vomiting and feeling weak in the first hours due to general anesthesia. For this reason, patients are usually kept under the supervision of nurses for several hours. Before leaving the hospital, the patient is given the necessary information about the drugs to be used, the actions to be avoided and other issues to be considered by the physician. Nowadays, self-melting suture threads are generally used in the sutures of the incisions opened during laparoscopy. For stitches that are not made in this way, an appointment is made to remove the stitches after a certain period of time after the surgery. Sore throat may be seen in the first few days after the operation. This is because the breathing tube used during general anesthesia irritates the throat. In addition, there may be pain and discomfort in the areas where the incisions are located. Because of these possibilities, painkillers are usually prescribed by the physician. Patients who have problems such as fever, severe abdominal pain and vomiting, abnormal vaginal discharge, itching, swelling and discharge around the wounds after laparoscopic surgery should seek help as soon as possible. Some of the gas used to inflate the abdomen during surgery may remain in the abdomen. For this reason, gas pains and abdominal cramps can be seen. In addition, pain in the shoulders can be seen due to gas. These ailments heal spontaneously within a few days as the gas is absorbed and expelled by the body. In line with the recommendations given by the physician, it may be necessary not to let water touch the suture areas for a certain period of time and to avoid some physical activities. The time to return to daily life and work life differs according to the purpose of the laparoscopy procedure. In diagnostic laparoscopy, patients can return to their normal lives within 5-7 days. In small laparoscopy operations such as appendicitis or removal of simple ovarian cysts, this process may take up to 3 weeks. In larger operations for cancer treatment, it may be necessary to wait up to 12 weeks to return to normal life. The surgical team performing the operation should be consulted about the time to return to normal physical activities and to start work that requires physical work. The time to return to daily life and work life differs according to the purpose of the laparoscopy procedure. In diagnostic laparoscopy, patients can return to their normal lives within 5-7 days. In small laparoscopy operations such as appendicitis or removal of simple ovarian cysts, this process may take up to 3 weeks. In larger operations for cancer treatment, it may be necessary to wait up to 12 weeks to return to normal life. The surgical team performing the operation should be consulted about the time to return to normal physical activities and to start work that requires physical work. The time to return to daily life and work life differs according to the purpose of the laparoscopy procedure. In diagnostic laparoscopy, patients can return to their normal lives within 5-7 days. In small laparoscopy operations such as appendicitis or removal of simple ovarian cysts, this process may take up to 3 weeks. In larger operations for cancer treatment, it may be necessary to wait up to 12 weeks to return to normal life. The surgical team performing the operation should be consulted about the time to return to normal physical activities and to start work that requires physical work. In small laparoscopy operations such as appendicitis or removal of simple ovarian cysts, this process may take up to 3 weeks. In larger operations for cancer treatment, it may be necessary to wait up to 12 weeks to return to normal life. The surgical team performing the operation should be consulted about the time to return to normal physical activities and to start work that requires physical work. In small laparoscopy operations such as appendicitis or removal of simple ovarian cysts, this process may take up to 3 weeks. In larger operations for cancer treatment, it may be necessary to wait up to 12 weeks to return to normal life. The surgical team performing the operation should be consulted about the time to return to normal physical activities and to start work that requires physical work.

If you have a health problem that can be treated with the laparoscopy technique, you can consult your physician and get information about whether your disease is suitable for treatment with laparoscopic surgery. You can perform your surgical treatments with a lower risk of complications and a faster recovery period by choosing healthcare institutions that offer the option of treatment with laparoscopic surgery for suitable operations.

laparoscopy, are laparoscopy painful, are laparoscopy stitches dissolvable, are laparoscopy safe, where are laparoscopy scars, what are laparoscopy and hysteroscopy, what are the side effects of laparoscopy, what are the risks of a laparoscopy, what are the chances of pregnancy after laparoscopy, what are the precautions after laparoscopy, what are the side effects after laparoscopy, can laparoscopy remove fibroids, can laparoscopy make endometriosis worse, can laparoscopy cause adhesions, can laparoscopy damage ovaries, can laparoscopy be done without general anesthesia, can laparoscopy detect ovarian cancer, can laparoscopy cause weight loss, can laparoscopy cause early period, can laparoscopy detect cancer,

[samkerrworshipper]

My Masterlist

Leah Williamson -

seeing her tonight, it's a bad idea right?

just some friends with benefits smut that’s ends with confessions of love

medication

r stops taking their anxiety medications during the euros finals to get rid of three side effects… but what happens when it seriously effects them on the pitch

let me love you

r struggles after her and leah break up after some drunken kisses with other people… can they mend it all before r’s health is seriously affected?

the call up

when r gets the news notification from the Spanish federation regarding the forced call up the espwnt

safe and sound

r having suicidal thoughts and leah just being there to support them and be there for them

playgirl

friends to lovers smut w cocky as fuck playgirl leah who secretly only has eyes on r

losing

what happens when r loses for the first time?

asthma attacks

what happens when r has a asthma attack whilst Leah’s out for the night?

i will wait for you.

r gets injured in the champions league final and finds herself pushing out everyone, is it to late to make up with the people that matter most?

lost cause

r doesn’t want to do life anymore… leah’s there to make it all better and let her know how loved she is

tourniquet

r struggles with self harm and Leah helps her with it in theee different examples

pain, sweet, pain.

leah’s return from her acl injury is nothing like what she wanted nor expected, but her team are there to help her up when she’s down.

scars and all

leah finds out about her girlfriends past mental health issues

beautiful girl series (leah + jordan as coparents)

part 1 -> close you’re eyes: leah and jordan’s daughter is struggling after their breakup

part 2 -> have no fear: jordan and r have a heart to heart and somethings are revealed

part 3 -> the monsters gone: leah confronts her daughter

part 4 -> she’s on the run: r runs away

part 5 -> and your moms are here: reconciliation

part 6 -> beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl: final part

Lucy Bronze -

mamacita

jersey smut with lucy after winning

daddy?…. sorry

just a little drabble about dom daddy lucy

a shoulder to cry on

lucy is there for r after she has a career shattering injury

euro champs and abs

lucy’s prize for winning the euros

leg shakes and body aches pt.2^

after care for the fic above

epiphany

random grief drabble - more r focused then lucy tbh but if u want a good cry then readdd

Alexia Putellas -

movie night

cheek voyeurism smut with r and alexia at team movie night

lap dance

stripper smut with Alexia after the world cup

on the sidelines

wag Alexia on the sidelines for wnba girlfriend

i remember everything

r struggles with eating disorder… alexis is to absorbed in her own life to notice.. what are th consequences?

the party

songfic based off the song the party & the after party by the weeknd… pure filthy smut

exile

songfic based off the song exile by taylor swift

the last time (pt.2^)

Alexia tries to apologise to r after what happened at the club… another songfic based off the song the last time by taylor swift

between thighs

just a little quickie fic

back between villages

alexia tears her acl.

sugar, baby

u have a little arrangement with la reina

bar-ca

babyfic with newborn alexia and r as parents

rockin’ around the christmas tree

fluffy kidfic with christmas with the putellas’ family

underneath the surface

alexia finds out about your endometriosis

Sam Kerr -

cock blocked

team night with the arsenal girls who r keeping you from being thoroughly fucked by your girlfriend

smut headcanons

just smutty dom headcanons with sammy k

a whore’s punishment

literal smutty porn without plot… that’s it.

concealed

little drabble about sam concealing a strap during a photo shoot

the phone call

based off the scene in the uswnt doc with the different call ups except sam x reader coded

acls

based off sam’s acl injury :(

Katie Mccabe -

nails

katie comes home from ireland camp with a new set of nails and she shows you just how much she can do even without using her hands or

Mapi Leon -

massage therapy

mapi gets injured… reader tries to resolve some of the tension in her body

warmed

cockwarming… that’s about it

las 15

based off of the spanish players boycott pre world cup

Alexia Putellas x Reader x Lucy Bronze -

twos a company, threes a crowd

| pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 |

pure filth between my three girlies

Leah Williamson x reader x Lia Wälti -

all yours

just a little friends to lovers angsty fic about lia and leah getting together when the three have always been best friends and r struggling with it

Mapi Leon x Reader x Ingrid Engen -

long distance

touch starved and anxious reader who’s been away from mapi and ingrid for a while and needs a reminder just how much the love her

Vivianne Miedema x Beth Mead -

bad days

Viv has a bad anxiety day… Beth’s there for her no matter what

Kristie Mewis x Sam Kerr -

pinky promise?

little anxiety fic about kristie stressing about meeting Sam’s parents for the first time

wet dream

kristie can’t sleep.. sam has a wet dream..

Lia Wälti x Alexia Putellas -

captains connection

sometiems the captains are the ones who need the most help after games..

auswnt -

togetherness

pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3

just some tillies angst and fluff

arsenal women -

found family

r goes out in the snow and gets really sick, but is scared to bother their arsenal teammates, two captains show up at their door after them not showing up to training for a few days and help them out and show them just how much the team loves them

homework help

when r moves to england she struggles with the adjustment of new school… arsenal team are there for her though

sticker chart

r and kyra r the pranksters of the team… but what happens when they take it too far and the arsenal parents seperate them as a result

revival

arsenal reader has been struggling more than she’d ever admit.. when it becomes to much she attempts to take her life but her teammates refuse to let her kill herself when she has so much more to live for.

hard times

arsenal reader struggles with PTSD and new year’s eve is a particular struggle… but the arsenal girlies are there for her even if she doesn’t know she needs them

narcotics

reader has a drug problem.. her arsenal teammates help her to realise and overcome it

how did it end?

suicidal ex-arsenal reader who retired after leaving the club

barca women -

suffer in silence

r struggles with self harm after the problems with the spanish federation.. mapi, ingrid, lucy and alexia are there to pick up the broken pieces

exhausted

insomnia reader with concerned alexia

initiation orgy universe

initiation:

pt.1 -> pt.2 -> pt.3

celebrations:

pt.1 -> pt.2 -> pt.3

[poeticpascal]

White Lies (Joel Miller x Reader)

Masterlist | Request here!

Summary: Joel would do anything for you. He does anything for you. And he makes sure you don't know a thing.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: violence, Joel kills 3 dudes (what murdaaah?), descriptions of blood and wounds, stitches, Joel feels guilt and shame but is also very soppy and very in love, fuff and angst all tangled up, descriptions of chronic pain

A/n: I have had a bloody nightmare the last few weeks with suspected endometriosis, which is what inspired me to write this. In my head, reader has endo and the medicine is some sort of contraception or strong painkillers to help her manage it. But it isn't explicitly mentioned so you can imagine whatever you most relate to. Please do let me know what you think, and as always, requests are open!

It’s a harsh winter, even by Boston’s standards.

The QZ is coated in a veil of thick snow, the blizzard that took hold weeks ago now bruising the streets with an icy fist.

Joel pulls his coat tighter around himself, grateful at least for the cover the snowstorm offered, the skies foggy and grey. He can slip through the alleyways much quicker, much quieter beneath the frost. His footsteps are erased almost as soon as he leaves them, and when things get messy, he can soothe his wounds in the freeze.

Which is good, because things get messy a lot.

Not that he’d tell you that. You were too pure, too gentle; not unlike the snow that paints your doorframe now.

No, Joel keeps those things from you. The world has been unkind enough, and if he has one purpose now, it’s to protect that sweetness of yours. To collect it, each golden ray of sunshine that so easily radiates from you, to give it back and let you bask in the warmth of your own soul. 

No one deserves it more than you do. Least not him, and yet you’d given him more love, more sweetness, than he could ever dream of.

That’s why he told you he was working a late shift today - sewage, he thinks he said - rather than where he actually is at 3am, catching his death in an old littered alleyway.

He occasionally shifts to avoid the silver moonlight dripping from the gaps in the fire-escape stairs above him. Tonight’s meeting should be a simple one, free from FEDRA’s strict patrols; he’d done this long enough now to know when, and where, was safest for these things.

He stays on high alert, though. Just in case.

Marco’s late. He isn’t known for being the most competent of dealers, but Joel was getting desperate now, and he was the only crook in the QZ who could get what he needed. He was a small man, a bit pathetic looking, really. But he was smart, and he had connections that even Joel couldn’t make for all his smuggling and dealing.

So when Joel’s supplier told him he couldn’t help him anymore, he didn’t have a choice. That’s what he tells himself, anyway.

“Miller, there ya’ are.” Joel’s snapped out of his thoughts, his looming regret of this whole situation, as Marco strolls down the alley. He grins, in the same cocky way he always did, the sort of grin a man who couldn’t win a fight but has enough men who could wrapped around his finger, doing the dirty work for him.

Joel insisted he come alone. Not because he couldn’t handle his goons; he knew he could. Maybe. But it would cause a scene, and draw attention, to something he very much wanted to keep under wraps.

He’s semi-surprised to see the two men walking behind Marco. Deep down, he’d had some faith that the dealer would stick to his word.

“Quiet the fuck down,” Joel warns, seething through his teeth as his eyes search the alley behind them, making sure they hadn’t been heard. “Who are your friends?”

Marco follows Joel’s gaze towards his companions. “They’re just here to observe.”

The men are the same height as Joel, maybe a little taller. He recognises both from the sleazy speakeasies that lie beneath the floors of the QZ. Where the bad guys go. 

One is bald, with a jagged scar carved across his cheek and over his eye. He’s scowling, unlike Marco and the other man, who looks somewhat softer with thick hair grown to his shoulders and brown eyes that stayed on Joel like bedrock.

“That’s not what we agreed,’ Joel growls.

There’s tension in the air, thick, and they must feel it too because Marco’s henchmen each have a hand hovering near their sides, where silver blades reflect the white of the snow.

“I recall us also agreeing that you’d get your meds in return for the money. But we’re doing things a little differently today.” Joel remains stoic, though his eyes turn dark and angry, the moon’s light no longer illuminating his features. Marco tiptoes slowly towards him, getting so close that Joel can feel his breath and raising a hand to pick a piece of lint from his flannel shirt. “I want my money. But you might have to wait a little longer for your meds.”

Joel reacts then, squaring up to him, stepping forward and clenching his fists. The other men wrap their hands around their blades, anticipating a fight. Marco just laughs.

“‘Scuse me?” Joel asks, though they all know he understood what was going on.

“You’re gonna give me the amount we agreed. And then, you’re gonna speak to one of your guard friends, and cut me a deal. Then you might get your meds.”

Joel’s anger swells inside him like a beast, his previous care to stay hidden long gone as he imagines driving his fist into Marco’s smug, son of a bitch face again and again and again. 

He has to think this through, though. He needs those meds. Marco can see the cogs turning. “Just give me the money, Miller. Don’t make this difficult. You can’t take three of us.”

“No?” Joel retorts, already decided in what he’d do next. “I don’t think it’s worth findin’ out. Give me the meds.”

Marco sighs, dropping his head and stepping away from Joel, leaving him to face his men. “Shame, Joel. You really coulda helped us.”

He nods to his men, who immediately draw their blades and attack. The first lands a punch on his face, the weight of it surprising him as he falls back into the railing. Before he can recover, the other has already plunged a blade through his stomach, right below his ribcage. He controls himself, swallows the yell that claws its way up his throat, tries to think. The cold steel of the rail stabs into his back, and when another fist collides with his cheek and sends him to the floor, he uses it to haul himself up and tackle one of the men - the softer one - to the ground with him.

Marco only stands and watches as Joel throws his weight onto the man and smashes his head into the stone floor. The other grabs his shoulder, spinning him round but Joel’s prepared this time and he dodges the swat of his knife. Instead he throws a punch into his stomach, making him double over which gives Joel the opportunity to grab the knife strapped to his calf and drive it through the bald man’s throat. He stumbles, collapsing to the floor with a choked cry, and Joel turns back just in time to see the other man trying to stand, though the injury to his head makes him dizzy. Joel stands first, easily pushing the man to the ground, and stomping on his head with as much force as his steel-toed boots would let him. Both men stay down.

Marco has regressed into the darkness of the alley, and he looks somehow smaller than usual. He’s pathetic, and if this was any other job, he’d laugh. But this wasn’t a laughing matter, and there was only one target for him; the medication.

The smaller man reaches into his pocket, searching for his gun, but Joel anticipates the move and has already reached him and thrown him against the wall before he can find it. His movements strain the wound in his abdomen, but he doesn’t care. Doesn’t feel it.

Joel’s fist pins Marco to the wall by his throat, making him splutter and flail like a fish out of water.

“Where are the fuckin’ pills, Marco?” He just continues to flail, trying to pull Joel’s hand off of him with both of his own, to no effect. Joel scoffs, throwing him to the floor and dragging his knife out of the now dead henchman’s neck. “If you won’t tell me, I guess I’ve got no use for ya.” He uses his shirt to clean the blade, the flannel already soaked in blood, his own.

“For fuck sake, Marco whines, slightly out of breath. “They’re at my place.”

“There anyone else there?” Joel asks, so nonchalantly that it almost sounds like a passing thought.

“No, no one there. But you’ll need me to get you in.”

Joel looks up again, the now-clean knife held in his fist with a vice-like grip. He stalks towards Marco, ignoring his desperate pleas. 

“Shouldn’t be a problem-” 

With that, he stabs him in the chest, letting him choke and gasp on the floor and searching his pockets for a key. He finds it, and does a quick, final survey of the alleyway. The once perfectly settled snow is disturbed, kicked up in the fight, and deeply stained with blood.

Joel curses, but leaves, only now noticing the burning pain from his torso. He leans against the wall, now stood out in the street, open; but there are no guards. He doesn’t think he’d care. Instead he grabs a fistful of the snow around his feet, packs it into the wound, hissing at the sharp pain of the ice but quickly feeling relief as it numbs him.

This was going to be a long night.

—------------------

It’s another couple of hours or so before he returns. There were, in fact, people at Marco’s place - but Joel knew that would be the case anyway. They weren’t a problem.

He’d showered in Marco’s flat, after taking out the men hanging out in there. Protecting it, he assumed. And he’d found a med pack that let him stitch up the wound to some degree; it was a hack job, but it should do the trick. He’d had worse.

The most important thing was that he found the meds.

The old door of your place creaks as he steps inside, quickly closing it behind him before the cold could enter. It’s futile, really; the wooden pillars are rotten, decaying so badly that the wind sweeps through the cracks with ease, and he can see dustings of snow on the floor around your windows. But he tries anyway.

“Joel?”

There you are.

It’s scary, honestly, what your voice does to him. Even so quiet, so distant from the bedroom upstairs, it lifts the weight from his shoulders that he thought he’d carry forever.

“I’m here, baby. I’m comin’.” He pulls off his shoes, placing them neatly beside the door just how you like, and heads upstairs. His bloodied shirt is long gone, buried in some forgotten corner of the QZ, where he has a collection of discarded items by now.

You don’t reply, he doesn’t expect you to. He reaches your bedroom, gently opening the door and sighing at the sight of you lying there, curled up between mountains of sheets and pillows.

He’d almost think you look peaceful if he didn’t know how much pain you’re in.

“Oh, honey,” he laments, crossing the distance from the door to you and kneeling down beside your head. You open your eyes, though they’re weighed down by exhaustion, and a small smile creeps onto your lips at the sight of the man before you.

“Hi,” you whisper, letting a gentle hand poke out from the duvet and brush his jaw. He can’t help but grin back at you, the total mess that took place just hours ago wiped from his mind completely, and he leans into your touch.

The both of you just stay like that for a moment, your thumb sweeping across his cheek, his eyes never leaving yours. Then you wince, and no matter how much you try to hide it, he can see the wave of pain inflict your body.

“I’ve got your tablets, sweetheart.” He reaches into his pocket, a desperation to his actions now; he hates seeing you like this. You just nod, pushing a meek but honest “thank you” past your lips, so quiet that he almost doesn’t hear it. His heart swells.

Joel presses out one tablet and hands it to you, then picks up the glass of water that stands on your side table, making a mental note to replace it later. You take the pill, grabbing hold of his hand before he can pull it away, and give it a gentle squeeze. He follows your lead and tips the water to your lips once you’ve placed the tablet on your tongue, gently helping you swallow and squeezing your hand right back.

A look of relief washes over your face, and he finally lets himself relax. He stands, letting go of your hand and leaning over to kiss your forehead, before pulling off the clothes he’d taken from Marco’s wardrobe and climbing in beside you.

He only knew heaven in these moments with you, late at night, when your hands reach for him beneath the sheets and your head nuzzles into his neck. It’s no different tonight; he’s quiet, unsure if you’d fallen asleep in those few seconds, and as much as he wishes you’d rest, he can’t deny the way his lips curl when he feels your gentle touch wrap around him.

“How was today? Doing the sewage?”

Joel swallows. “Yeah, yeah. It was fine. Don’t you worry about it, sweetheart.” His arms envelop you, holding you tight against him, one hand drawing gentle circles on your back. He’s lost in the bliss for a moment, letting it wash over him in waves, when your hand brushes his haphazard and you freeze. So does he.

“Joel,” you say; it’s still a whisper, but not the tired kind you’d given him earlier. It’s like you’re too scared to ask. “What’s that?”

He panics, holding you tighter, trying to think. He can’t believe himself for not remembering to cover it, to make sure you didn’t see. 

“There was an accident today. I did some building work before I went to sewage, a pipe fell. Nicked me real bad-” you gasp, forcing yourself to sit up with shaky arms. Joel immediately pulls you back down, his hands grasping your face, staring into your eyes like they held the world inside them. It’s dark, but they glimmer, and he just hopes you can’t see his fear.

“No no. It’s fine, baby. I’m fine. Got seen by the doc, got a couple ‘a stitches. Says i’ll be all good by tomorrow.”

“By tomorrow? Joel that doesn’t sound right-”

He interrupts you. He hates this. “I promise, baby. That’s what she said. I promise.” He wipes a thumb across your cheek, and the way you seem to settle, to believe him, makes him ache. He hates this.

You nuzzle back into his side, placated. You trust him, endlessly, and he hates that he abuses that trust just as much as he needs to protect you. A means to an end, he thinks.

The two of you are silent for a few moments, your hand lay gentle over his wound. Like you’re trying to heal it. He thinks it’s working.

“Thank you for picking up my medicine,” you say.

“It’s okay.” His words are quiet, muffled; he’s got his face buried in your hair now, revelling in your scent, and really, he doesn’t want to talk about this with you. He doesn’t want to lie anymore than he already has.

You’re still oblivious, though. Still sweet.

“I’m so glad you can make my rations cover it. I don’t know what I’d do if they made them more expensive.”

Oh, babygirl, he thinks.

Because your rations don’t cover your medicine. Neither did his. Even combined, they’d hardly cover a drink in the bar these days. He’d seen you work and work and work, in spite of the pain that bloomed in your abdomen and tortured your bones until you could hardly stand up anymore, and he saw the way they laughed in your face and turned you away when you tried to get the help you needed. When you tried to trade your labour for medicine. You were nothing to them.

So he told you he could barter the price down. That it was best if he goes from now on, to make sure you’re not taken advantage of. He takes your rations, stuffs them right back in the savings pot you keep above the shelves in your kitchen, and leaves to make whatever underground deals he needs to in order to get those meds. And you didn’t know a thing.

He must’ve been quiet for a while, because you continue. “And I’m glad you don’t do those scary things anymore.”

That gets his attention. “Scary things?”

“Yeah. Like, the smuggling and stuff.” You take a breath, tighten your arms around his waist. “I mean, I know why you did it. I’m glad you were able to look after yourself.”

Joel curses to himself, unable to wipe the tears that brimmed in his eyes as you spoke, because that would mean letting go of you.

“But I’m also glad you don’t do that anymore. You go out, and you work, even the horrible sewage shifts like tonight.” You giggle, but Joel can’t even force himself to smile. Shame consumes him.

“I’m proud of you, Joel.”

He’s silent. He doesn’t know what to say. He feels like shit.

If you notice his stillness, you don’t mention it. That alone makes his heart ache; you’d always been so understanding, so careful to make sure he’s okay while knowing exactly how to handle his feelings.

It’s odd, really, how fiercely you protect one another. He doesn’t let the darkness of the world so much as touch you, and you extract the horrors from his veins like a vacuum, making him forget the damage was ever even there.

His eyes flitter down, watching you drift asleep, finally at peace and free from pain. He exhales.

He’d never feel good about lying to you. But some things, he thinks, are worth it.

You are worth it.

And so he brushes away the hair that’s fallen over your eyes, trying to fight the droopiness of his own so he can keep them on you for just a second longer. But sleep overtakes him, and the only reason he lets himself fall into dreamland, is because he knows he’ll find you there, too.

[radicalru]

Just saw someone say radfems advocate for the genocide of disabled people… exuse me? I’ve seen so many disabled radfems who were radicalised because of how they’re treated as disabled women.

So many health conditions that only effect FEMALES aren’t recognised as disabilities because of medical misogyny. Endometriosis can cause women to be bedridden. Some women go through their lives in constant agony with doctors simply just prescribing birth control or weight loss, only for pathologists to find endometriosis tissue on spines, in lungs, even on brains. Symptoms for many disabilities differ between men and women, and guess who’s symptoms they value more? Most diagnostic criteria for disabilities are based off mostly male experiences. Conditions that effect women only are extremely under researched, under diagnosed, and mistreated.

Disabilities can also be caused by other feminist issues like sex work and kink culture. Women often go into sex work because of their disabilities and chronic illness. They aren’t able to stand for too long, they can’t work 5+ days a week, they can’t work long hours. This isn’t to say that sex work is easy - it’s just very flexible and often the only option when no other job can be bothered to accommodate you. Women have ended up with colonoscopy bags after being pressured into rough anal sex. Women have had permanent vaginal tearing and scarring after rough sex where male partners didn’t care for foreplay. Women have died, suffered brain damage, had strokes because of male partners choking them.

Homeless and disabled women are among the most vulnerable of us. No actual radical feminist could exclude or be aggressive towards them without going against her own beliefs. It makes no sense. People will just say anything to demonise radical feminism and scare women away because radicalised women are a threat to the patriarchy.