#scds

[wordsforrain]

Re: that last poll, I just thought I’d mention that SCDS can be fixed surgically and while it might not cure everything it will probably help A Lot. Yes I lost some functionality in the canal they plugged but I’ve adapted and it’s unnoticeable most of the time.

I did video consults with Gopen at UCLA and Carey at Hopkins, the two surgeons with the most experience in the US. Ended up going with Carey bc I liked his vibe and have family in the DMV, whose house I could recover at.

The surgery experience was super smooth, even with the unexpected discovery of dura tears and extra time it took to fix it (5 hrs). Carey and his residents checked on me daily when I was recovering in the neuro ward and truly they were all so nice, the nurses and orderlies and custodians and everyone else too.

And somehow, Hopkins worked with my MN-based insurance to get counted as in network for me, which made it waaaaaay cheaper.

Obviously no one ever wants to get intracranial surgery, but if you’ve got SCDS (can you hear your eyeballs move? you’ve got it) and are considering surgery, cannot recommend Dr. Carey and his team highly enough,

[thealmosttherapistwholosthermind]

Sigh After Denial

Today I am deeper than bone tired.

Recovering from my 3rd brain surgery has been different. I just don't have the "oomph" I had the first two rounds.

It's going well by all standards.

Symptoms have abated.

I walk around the block.

I cook dinner.

I even run errands.

But mostly I lay around.

It's going well. I am getting better.

I just can't put my finger on what's different. It's like something deep inside me has broken. I'm no longer fighting this disease and desperately holding on to the illusion that I will get my life back.

This IS my life. It's not the one I wanted. But it's mine.

It is a slow life. There is a lot of time to read. Time to ponder. Time to feel. Time to process. I like that. Is it strange?

I know it won't be like this forever. I know I can be symptom free. But my "old life" is long gone. There is no going back. Only forwards. Towards recovery and health, which will likely include some adjustment. I don't know what yet. But I am willing.

Maybe I am so tired because I have finally given up the struggle--the battle I was never going to win anyway. The one where, somehow, I would beat this beast of a disease back into a metaphorical cave and it'd be like it never came.

Instead, I am just going to let it be. And I'll be. And I'll manage it. And accept that I have a disability.

[monkeymeghan]

Ten years ago today I took this selfie in my new Figment hat at Epcot. It was the day after the 30th anniversary of the park opening. I couldn’t go the previous day because of either school or work, I can’t remember. It was a great day. I had a lot of fun going around the park with my mom. That is until I was in a hallway in the restaurant in Future World (the name escapes me at the moment) when I had an episode of vertigo. All of a sudden I was walking straight but leaning up against the wall. Upright was no longer upright. My world turned on its side. I had no idea what was happening and it was terrifying. Once the episode had passed, we left the park. On the way home we stopped at the ER in town. They did a head ct and said everything was clear. They sent me on my way. It was the first really intrusive symptom of SCDS that I experienced. Little did I know how much that day would change my life. In the following months as my symptoms progresses, I had to take a leave of absence from nursing school and from my job at the hospital as a CNA. Finally, five long months later, I got my diagnosis at Mayo Clinic. Superior semicircular canal dehiscence. A tiny hole in my skull between the inner ear and the brain causing numerous debilitating symptoms. A month later I had my first inner ear surgery, via the transmastoid approach. Meaning they went in behind my ear. It seemed to fix all of my problems. I was able to be in school, which I had resumed that semester, and go back to work. Life returned to normal. I graduated at the top of my class. Things were good. That was chapter one in my SCDS story. Fast forward ten years and two craniotomies later and here we are. If you’re interested in the more recent part of my journey, check out the tag “#its only a craniotomy”. That’s where I documented my surgeries and recoveries in 2018 and 2019.

[bisexualgoth]

santa clarita diet is so fucking criminally underrated. not only is plot a Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant killing nazis rapists and misogynists so drew Barrymore can eat them, plot b is about their daughter becoming an ecoterrorist. like. you can't beat this

[danystargaryens]

GET TO KNOW ME: ♡ [12/15] Male Characters: ☆ Joel Hammond (Santa Clarita Diet)

I am not a murderer, okay technically i am, not even technically. Literally. But i refuse to be defined by the one time i murdered somebody.

[squidcave]

SCOTLAND FOREVER 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

and bonus Scottish Miku after a hard day

[grammatically-incoherent]

[random scd scenes 13/??]

"I was confused. You asked me if I was a pretty good dancer, which I’m not. I’m an outstanding dancer."

[firbolgfriend]

Cover Art for my Infection au aka Sweet Feather Diet :)

[mickaltieri]

Timothy Olyphant as Joel Hammond 🩵

“Yes, we’re not good at murder. I happen to believe that’s a positive quality.”

[stars-and-wish-fulfillment]

Happy Birthday! Ink!Sans belongs to Comyet Outer!Sans belongs to 2mi127 Sticker!Ink belongs to Yours Truly, Reverie.

Experimented with a limited color palette again and will keep doing so.

[wordsforrain]

My parents got me this very cute card in the hospital that I feel the need to share. I can’t laugh at it bc I’m not supposed to increase intracranial pressure right now, but maybe someone else can 🐶

[thealmosttherapistwholosthermind]

[rhcenyra]

I need to tell you something. Yes? I love you. I have loved you since we carved our initials in that picnic bench. I've loved you for the 19 years we've been married, and I'll love you for however long we have together. So... you be whoever you need to be. Just because something's changed doesn't mean it's not still beautiful.

[justlikeeddie]

all of layton and nikita's strictly dances ranked CORRECTLY by ME

14. Samba, Week 1

unfair to have to rank this one really because nobody really knows what they’re doing in week 1. FASCINATING to go back and watch this though. obvs this is strong in the context of a first week dance! but knowing where they’re going to go from here… this is the one and only time you can see that nikita is dancing layton through the steps and keeping him afloat. they’re not yet a PARTNERSHIP here. they don’t KNOW each other!!! anyway good luck to these boys with navigating what they are going to experience over the next three months <3

13. American Smooth, Week 10

the infamous bottom-two dance. a result which i believe was undeserved!!! but the american smooth IS the most boring category on strictly unfortunately, so it’s a humble placing for this one. i did not love their outfits, for once! why don’t they go together. why does nikita look like peter pan. however, obviously i liked it when they both picked each other up and did a little skip in the air. also enjoyed how much craig enjoyed being bammed up by the ending.

12. Rumba, Week 12

controversial to place this so low in the ranking perhaps?? obviously this was a complex routine that they performed beautifully AND was very tender and intimate. but the rumba is the second most boring dance on strictly after the american smooth i’m afraid I’M SORRY. however, points awarded for nikita saying afterwards that dancing this felt like the rest of the world fell away and they were the only two people in existence. girl what

11. Salsa, Week 5

a great dance! fun! good vibes! their first lift! followed by a bit that i like where nikita has to sort of kick layton upright again. loses points ONLY for being perhaps their least homoerotic dance, which one of them, i guess, has to be.

10. Tango, Week 6

all the ingredients for greatness are here. TANGO. HALLOWEEN. layton is in high goth drag. nikita looks a bit like paul gross as geoffrey tennant as hamlet in the flashback sections of slings and arrows s1. but weirdly i don’t think this dance quite lives up to the level of drama i expected from it. having just rewatched it i think it’s because they’re ACTING like it’s a MELODRAMA, and it FEELS like they’re acting, as opposed to the way they usually totally inhabit the narrative of a dance. however. the switch from this vibe into the denouement - the BACKFLIP (fuck!!!) - and then the breathy, drawn-out final moment, which they suddenly ARE inhabiting, braced over each other and staring into each other’s eyes like they are ON GOD going to fuck in the middle of the dancefloor, is astonishing. once again i am asking the bbc if this is what they thought they were going to air

9. Cha-cha-cha, Week 4

okay. we are entering the section of the list where everything from here on down pretty much makes me feral. layton is everything in that jumpsuit. the THROW into the SPLITS. the raw sexual dynamism somehow contained within nikita taking layton’s coat for him. unbearable.

8. Charleston, Week 12

off the charts crazy. how can people move like this. they CARTWHEELED across the STAGE for what felt like YEARS. points only deducted for the fact that when nikita cried in the interview afterwards because he loved layton so much he had to do it in this extremely silly outfit.

7. Quickstep, Week 2

they danced the equivalent of a gay leyendecker illustration in week 2. IN WEEK 2 THEY DID THIS. they’re having so much FUN here. and to follow up on the week 1 ranking, the transformation from them feeling like a professional and a celeb to two people actually dancing together happens SO fast. it’s only a week later, but already something’s changed; layton’s totally at home in the routine and nikita’s REALLY enjoying it. it’s just so nice and i love them so much :’) also the quickstep is one of my favourite strictly dances because it’s inherently funny watching grown adults run full-pelt around a room and occasionally do a little skip. perfect 90 seconds of television.

6. Viennese Waltz, Week 3

ok so this is actually one of their lowest scoring dances on the show. but NOT according to my ranking. this ought to feel as faux-dramatic as the vampire tango but it doesn’t. something is HAPPENING between them in this dance and it’s real. i could write paragraphs about the eternities contained within the long, long seconds of them holding each other after it’s over, which goes on for long enough that the editor just has to like. give up and cut away from them. i’ve been linking to the bbc’s youtube clips throughout this post, but if you have access to iplayer i strongly recommend you watch this dance as aired (i have linked to the timestamp for your convenience) in order to see the full effect of this ending. there’s something about the combination of… the sincerity of the dance. the gender of it all. the refusal to break character. nikita’s slightly baffled-looking parents in the audience lending whatever the fuck is going on here a bizarre frisson. i’m completely obsessed with it

5. Jive, Week 7

the first thirty seconds of this dance genuinely make me feel like i’m coming up. overwhelming transition from the sexy sexy opening section (why are they dressed as little sailor boys? why are they touching like that?) into the supercharged beat of the side-by-side. people pay good money to feel like this. as has been pointed out, the jive is not a traditionally racy dance, and my question to nikita as choreographer is: why

4. Showdance, Week 13

cunt. cunt. cunt. cunt. the absolute fucking serve of the matching slutty magician elbow-length gloves. nikita dropping his hat while layton executes everything perfectly. obviously in the finale, homophobia won <3 but my god. they ATE. no notes.

3. Paso Doble, Week 11

i have said this before. but dancing to BACKSTAGE ROMANCE. in a show where i (facetiously) believe they may be experiencing a BACKSTAGE ROMANCE. seems illegal. anyway. this dance is insane. almost worth them being in the bottom two in week 10 in order for them to produce the unbridled energy of this comeback. as a category the paso doble has similarly melodramatic energy to the tango, but this performance is so unlike the slightly campy vampire number; they’re IN it, they’re living and feeling and breathing every moment. something about the mood of this dance, the power dynamics of it, nikita on the floor looking up at layton in awe as he emerges at his absolute fucking fiercest - happening in THIS week, rising above the stress of relegation and the overwhelming tide of online hate, is, like, pretty incredible, tbh. also the series of searingly erotic snapshot poses at the beginning of this routine are among the worst things i have been subjected to on this show, and as you may be gathering from this list, this is a crowded category.

2. Argentine Tango, Week 8

god it was a TOUGH GODDAMN CALL on these top two places. and tbh i think this is actually, truly, their best dance. the sheer SKILL here… whatever the move is where layton has to jump in the air and kick his little leggies around… stunning. i don’t really have a comical paragraph to write about this because i genuinely think it’s an incredible piece of dance and there’s not much more to add to that. however, extra points for the truly unhinged decision to do some dom nikita roleplay at the end? again, please watch this one on iplayer to experience the full unedited effect.

1. Couple’s Choice, Week 9

as i say. probably, technically, the argentine tango is better. but if i think about any element of this routine, i immediately black out. i cannot stress enough that he is standing on his back. he is STANDING. on his BACK. nikita choreographed this dance and he was like. i want you to stand on my back. PLEASE don’t worry about it. watching this routine is like looking into the sun. if i saw two men doing this in the club i would have to politely turn away to respect their privacy. also sorry to do this for a final time but i also need you to watch this one on iplayer because nikita stays on that pole at the end for so much longer than you are expecting and then does something sooooo unnecessary. this dance should be expunged from the internet so that i never have to contemplate it again.

[gaylanrivens]

My favorite thing about Santa Clarita Diet taking place over the course of like a month but being filmed over three years is Joel goes from this

To this

Like that man is STESSED

[danystargaryens]

Santa Clarita Diet So then a bat? or a monkey? | 1.01