#scheduled to work 10 days in a row; back to back 12-15 hour shifts

[fingertipsmp3]

One thing about me is I will buy myself treats I literally do not deserve because I didn’t do anything whatsoever

[guardianofjunmyeon]

Finding Atlantis (part 11)

Genre: Action/Adventure, Enemies to Lovers, PirateAU

Description: 20 years ago the seas became angry. Unruly and unkind to any sailor, to any ship that dared venture too far out in her waters. Many a man has heard the tales of Atlantis, the lost city, the key the ocean. But fewer men know the tale of it’s missing child. The key to the ocean, the key to Atlantis but a lost little one. The power one would hold should they find this child would be nearly that of Poseidon himself. Thus, the hunt began.  

A/N: another quick update hoohoo. The next update will be shorter bc i cut this in half (read: 2/3 and 1/3). No warnings this is just smth cute

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18

The two dinghies pulled on land is a welcome sight after all the hours you’ve spent at the mercy of the sirens.

Unfortunately, it seems as though your group is the first to have returned.

“Take them back to the ship. I’ll wait here for Minseok and Seulgi.” Kyungsoo instructs Baekhyun. He almost seems like the Captain of the two –his expression schooled and words confident.

You make a move towards Kyungsoo to offer your help when you feel fingertips press into your side, placating. Biting your tongue you hold in your words. The fingers relax against your side. Kyungsoo offers you a reassuring smile as if he can read the concern on your face.

“We’ll head back as soon as we’re all accounted for,” he says directly to you. He places a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder and you take the opportunity to slip from Baekhyun’s hold –from his skinny fingers burning their touch into your side. Offering your own nod of acceptance, you turn away from the two of them to avoid having to meet either of their eyes.

You watch as Jongin collapses in the small boat waiting to take you back to your ship. Chanyeol folds his arms across his chest, watches carefully as you take a few steps in his direction. “Won’t he need backup of some kind?” you ask Chanyeol through the exhaustion seeping further into your muscles. You tilt your head towards the two men who came to save you.

Chanyeol smiles a tiny but profoundly proud smile. “No, Kyungsoo has got it. He’s a lot tougher than he looks.” His eyes shine as he looks beyond you. You follow his gaze and then immediately look down at your boots when you catch the fond look Kyungsoo sends to the taller; clearly having overheard his words.

Waddling over to the boat to collapse at Jongin’s side you decide not to dwell on the look. If Chanyeol thinks that Kyungsoo can handle himself then…you’ll trust them.

Baekhyun isn’t as easily convinced of his safety as you. “One hour. If I don’t see you all rowing back by then, I’m coming back for you,” he says sternly.

“Ay Captain,” Kyungsoo laughs out.

Kyungsoo is crushed in a hug by Chanyeol and then a shortened one by Baekhyun before they retreat to the boat where Jongin is fighting off sleep at your side.

Baekhyun takes control of the oars while Chanyeol pushes the boat into the water. As Kyungsoo’s figure gets smaller and farther away, you feel dread settling in your chest. The wave he sends your way feels more foreboding than you’re able to dwell on.

When you can no longer see him, and the sounds of nature surround you, you begin to feel sleep tugging you down into unconsciousness. Chanyeol and Baekhyun talk in quiet voices, but none of the words register in your mind –only the fact that they’re having a hushed conversation. Jongin inevitably dozes off and you stay awake, just so that you can watch your ship come into view.

Docked beyond the rock and reef of the island, it sits lazily atop the water. Its dark sails almost blend into the black of the night.

Baekhyun rows you all to safety the entirety of the near hour it takes to get to the ship. The distance from where Kyungsoo waits for the rest of your crew to your vessel is farther than you anticipated.

Once the conversation between Baekhyun and Chanyeol has died off, you feel the shift in energy as everyone prepares to wait for the other half of the rescue team to arrive.

You shake Jongin awake and Chanyeol helps you begin the climb up the side of the ship. Baekhyun works on securing the boat.

As soon as both of your feet are on deck, Yixing is at your side holding you in a firm hug.

“You made it,” he sighs out in relief.

“Barely.” You grimace and let your muscles give in. You fall with an uncoordinated drop to the ground. Jongin crawls up the ladder and lies face flat on your right. Not even half awake as he lifted himself on deck. Chanyeol and Baekhyun have to step over him just to get on the ship. They plop on the ground not far from you –Baekhyun catching his breath and Chanyeol finally succumbing to the exertion used throughout the day. The adrenaline running out and jelly settling in his bones. Your own adrenaline ran out long ago.

“Can you make it to the infirmary?” Yixing asks, crouched down in front of you.

You think that you could, but honestly you really don’t fucking feel like it. “No, not right now.”

Yixing nods empathetically and pats your calf. “I’ll bring the supplies out here then. Wait for me,” he instructs. Standing up and looking quickly over the four of you sprawled across the deck, he kicks Baekhyun in the leg with his boot. “Get up and gauge injuries. I’ll be back.”

A long suffering groan is the only reply he gets.

You close your eyes and rest your back against the wooden railing of the ship.

The rest of your crew is nowhere to be seen. It doesn’t surprise you. If you had to guess you would assume that it was anywhere from 2 to 4 in the morning. What’s the point in everyone on the crew staying awake above deck with worry when only a handful of people are reasonably needed for a rescue mission?

If anything, you hope that everyone else is getting plenty of rest so that when Junmyeon is brought back, you all can continue the mission. You can’t afford another chunk of lost time like that after you and Baekhyun were rescued from the island. You’re a week behind your nonexistent schedule. You hope that the lost time won’t be detrimental to the mission.

The feeling of a hand gently grabbing your forearm shakes you from your thoughts. You open your eyes figuring Yixing is back to look at your injuries. You don’t expect to be met with the sight of Baekhyun looking down at the blood encrusting your wrist with a small frown on his face.

You notice that your hand is shaking in his grasp. Clenching your fist and pulling away to try and hide it, you’re immediately met with resistance.

“Don’t,” he murmurs. His grip on your arm doesn't relax until you stop trying to pull away. From the corner of your eye you see Yixing tending to Jongin while Chanyeol dozes off on his back at Yixing’s side.

With long and careful fingers, Baekhyun turns over your hand to look at the full damage of your wound before his frown deepens and he lets out a puff of air.

“What?”

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

You yank your hand away from him and hold back a hiss of pain at the stinging it causes your wrist. He lets out another breath of air, this one more annoyed than the last.

He reaches out and yanks both of your arms towards him, and when you let out a noise of pain his irked expression melts into something softer. Something apologetic.

This time you don’t fight him as he takes a look at your reddened, cracking skin. “You’re an idiot,” he emphasizes again, looking into your eyes pointedly. You frown. “But I’m going to help you heal anyway.”

“Thanks,” you breathe out sarcastically.

He settles on his butt and drags a bucket that had been partially hidden behind him to his side. You fold your legs beneath yourself and let your arms lie limp between the two of you. He twists out the water from the rag sitting in the bucket. You hear Chanyeol whining somewhere near you and Yixing hushing him like a parent would their noisy child.

The feeling of the cold rag on your skin forces you to focus your attention fully on the man in front of you. Baekhyun wipes farthest from the actual wound and works inward.

It doesn’t start to hurt until he begins to wash off the thick layer of blood that had caked right above where the rope dug in the deepest.

The sting is so abrupt that you straighten in your spot and choke out a pitiful moan of anguish. His eyes flicker from your wrist to your face only momentarily. “You deserve this for turning your wrist into shredded meat,” he laments.

“Fuck you,” you whimper out.

His lips quirk up in amusement. The rag dips into the bucket; red seeps into the once clear water staining it crimson. Baekhyun presses it to your skin again. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did before.

A pout settles on his lips as he concentrates on disinfecting and bandaging your wounds. You watch his face closely as he works in silence. The careful cleaning of your blood, the attentive way he tries to avoid hurting you where he can, the soft and reassuring press of his fingertips against your skin when you tense in pain. All of the actions only reaffirm the truth you’ve come to accept.

You like Baekhyun.

You fucking like Baekhyun.

You like Baekhyun and you told Jongin and Chanyeol.

You like Baekhyun and he’s cleaning the blood from your skin with so much care that you could trick yourself into believing that he actually cares about you.

He’s probably just tired and being gentle because he lacks the energy to be a dick. That would be reason enough for you –after all he did row the four of you an hour to safety. Even you wouldn’t have the energy to continue hating someone after that.

When the bandage is done being wrapped and the blood is no longer coating your arms, Baekhyun stands up and tosses the dirty water into the ocean.

“Captain, we’ll get you all something to eat and drink, but first we should get each of you to a bed,” Yixing says gently. You can only nod at his words –body giving in to exhaustion. “You take the Captain and I’ll get Sehun to come help me get Chanyeol and Jongin below deck.”

“Me?” Baekhyun asks in shock.

“Yes, you-”

“Yixing I can walk there on my own it’s really fi-” Yixing’s glare is enough to quiet you instantly.

“I said: you take the Captain to her room. Someone will bring you food afterwards,” his pitch drops angrily.

Baekhyun squats back down immediately to hoist you to your feet. You put as much energy as you have left into getting up. When Baekhyun’s arm is wrapped around you again and you’re leaning into his side, Yixing breaks out into a pleased grin. Smiling as if his voice hadn’t been threatening a minute before.

“Good. Now go,” he commands. Baekhyun nods quickly and ushers you towards your quarters.  

You hobble out from under his arm and flop heavily onto your bed as he closes the door behind himself. Baekhyun leans against your closed door and lets out an exhale.

“That man is fucking terrifying,” he says.

“There’s a reason he’s quartermaster,” you manage to say. Yixing seems nothing but gentle and kind. Despite the fact that he genuinely is gentle and kind, it’s also a mask that he uses to fool others. A facade he knowingly uses to his advantage. Behind Minseok, Yixing is the most experienced with a gun, and behind you, the best with a blade.

He’s smart about when he actually decides to strike, and can be more cold-blooded than he lets on, but he is still the sweetest person you have ever come to know.

The urge to change clothes and fall asleep in bed is stronger now that you’re surrounded by the familiarity of your room, but you have to stay awake until Junmyeon arrives. Your clothes are dirty with blood of all kinds; dirt and mud coats you like a second skin.

You bend down to unlace your boots. You figure it’s the least you can do to get comfortable until all your men are present and accounted for. It hurts a bit to flex and bend your wrists, but it’s not unbearable. The stinging from where the rope was rubbing into your abdomen is a bit more apparent now. It has turned into the most painful part of moving your body.

A smack to the back of your hand has you pulling away from your shoes.

“You do know that you can ask for help every now and then right?” Baekhyun grumbles out. You open your mouth to protest and utter out a ‘what the fuck?’ when he bends down to unlace your shoes for you.

“What are you doing?”

“Helping you take your shoes off. I’m sure it hurts to bend like that.”

You pause. He slips the first boot off your foot and tosses it haphazardly to the side. “Baekhyun!” you scold.

“Relax. It’s just a shoe.”

The other comes off and gets tossed to the side more aggressively than the first. When you snort at the careless treatment of your boot, Baekhyun smiles and hides it behind a cough and scrunch of his nose.

“You smell rancid,” he says.

“You don't exactly smell like lavender or fresh bread either-”

“Shut up.”

“You started it.”

A pause.

“I’ll get you water so that you can clean yourself up. Wait here.” He moves towards the door and then quickly turns around to point at you with narrowed eyes. “Do not fucking move.”

You roll your eyes and wave him away with weak flicks of your fingers.

Once he’s gone you count to 15 before standing on your feet, walking to your mirror, and lifting your shirt to look at the rough darkening line that colors the top of your abdomen. It isn’t bleeding, but you can tell that it will bruise darker and be tender for days to come. Prodding at it with gentle fingertips you grimace at the pain any touch creates.

You do know that you can ask for help every now and then right?

You scoff out a laugh. As if he’d help even if you asked.

The two of you are friendly now, as you have to be given the circumstances. You doubt that any kindness Baekhyun offers you extends passed respectful ally-ship for the sake of your crews.

You can’t read his mind. You don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling, but his actions lend towards your theory of civil respect. Nothing less, but definitely nothing more.

How you ended up being the one liking him one-sidedly you’ll never fucking understand, but it bothers the ever-loving fuck out of you.  

Your door is pushed open without preamble and Baekhyun stumbles in balancing food in one hand, a bucket and a cup of water in the other.

He looks so dumb.

He looks cute.

“Need help?” you ask.

“I got it,” he puffs out.

Hypocrite.

The cup spills out half of its contents when he sits it on the table. The food doesn’t spill but it clatters noisily as it’s set down clumsily. He sits the large bucket of water on the ground roughly as if it has personally angered him. First collecting his breath and glaring down at the bucket for a second longer, he then turns around to face you.

“I thought I told you not to move.”

“I didn’t realize you were my master,” you reply petulantly. Shuffling over and downing what’s left of the water in the cup, you smack your lips in satisfaction.

Baekhyun grumbles under his breath and sits heavily in the chair next to you while you continue to stand and pick at the food on the tray.

Vegetable buns and porridge. Boring, but it will fill you up.

“Are you not sitting because of bruise on your stomach?” Baekhyun asks out of nowhere. The bun you were holding up to your mouth after a bite gets stuck in your throat.

“What?” you cough out in horror. How did he find out?

He reaches towards the hem of your shirt and you flinch away. He balls his hand around air and brings it back to his lap. For a second, you feel bad for your reaction, but you cover it up by busying yourself with rearranging the half eaten bun next to the untouched one.

“Chanyeol and Jongin also have bruises around where the rope was tied around you all.” You frown down at the food at his words. “Were you not going to mention it?”

You know this is heading towards an argument.

You exhale and turn your body to face him head on.

“To you? No. I probably would have told Yixing if it got bad enough,” you say evenly.

His expression turns sour. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“If it got bad enough? Means if I-”

“No. You know exactly what I’m talking about,” he cuts in.

You exhale to calm the beating of your heart, pumping double time in preparation for yet another screaming match that you know is inevitable. “You and I both know that you’re just here being nice for the sake of everyone else. I know you don’t really care or want to bother patching me up, so I don’t bother asking for you to put in any more effort than necessary. Yeah, I’m bruised and it hurts to touch. What do you care? What does it matter if you know or not? It’s not like I’m going to die of it and it’s not like it would affect you in any way.”

Baekhyun closes his eyes and roughly drags his fingers through his bangs. Holding in a shout through closed lips, he sounds like he’s growling in frustration.

You clench your fist, bracing yourself for the explosion.

But…

It never comes.

Baekhyun doesn’t shout, he doesn’t scream, he doesn’t curse. All he does…is laugh. A short tired laugh. More an exhale of breath than a laugh really.

You deflate in confusion. Fingers uncurling, eyebrows rising, head cocking to the side.

“You’re right. It doesn’t matter if I know or not. It doesn’t matter and it doesn’t affect me in any way. I just-” He brushes both of his hands through his hair and lets out a long suffering sigh. “Whatever. I’m tired of arguing with you.”

He walks towards the door and you stare, mouth agape. He’s…not going to fight you? “I- Baekhyun wait I-” you reach out to grab the sleeve of his shirt. You barely catch any of the material between your thumb and index finger.

He stops but doesn’t turn around. “Baekhyun, look at me…please.”

Trying to lessen the distance and get a better hold of his shirt you walk closer. He refuses to face you.

You have to thread your fingers through his to get him to react to you. His eyes close and he groans quietly in defeat before turning around. “I…I…”

“What? What do you want? Just let me go.”

He pulls but you hold on tighter. Knuckles going light from how tight you’re gripping his fingers. “What do you want?” he asks again.

“I don't…I don’t know. I …” your voice catches in your throat.

He scoffs in disbelief.

“Let me go-”

“No!” You squeeze his hand again in yours and look down where the warmth of his hand seeps into yours. “No…” you repeat again, softer. More honest. More vulnerable. You bite your lip to hold back the words that want to slip out. Keeping your fingers twined, you let your free hand rest on his arm.

There’s no talking. Only your rapid breaths as you think through your next movement. You don’t know how long he’ll stand there before walking off and leaving you alone in your room. Alone with all the words that you’re too cowardly to say.

You slide your hand from his arm to his shoulder. From his shoulder to his neck.

A shiver runs through his body as he leans into the touch. His neck has always been sensitive. You’ve known that about him for years.

His fingers squeeze against yours. When you finally make it to his face, hand cupping his cheek as you look into his eyes and hope –no you pray that maybe what you can’t say you can show.

Show through your actions. Show through your eyes.

You take a step forward to close the last of the distance between you, chests touching. Hearts pumping, chests rising and falling as one. His fingers slip from yours and rest heavily at the small of your back, holding you even closer.

He exhales shakily, tongue peeking out to wet his lips.

“Is this your way of asking to kiss me?” he asks –nervousness uncharacteristically creeping in at the edges. You smile softly. You thumb at his bottom lip and watch his mouth fall open in response to the touch. His stupid wet stupid pink lips.

“Can…can I?” you breathe out.

“You’ve never had to ask before,” he whispers a breath away from your lips.

You want a taste of him again. You want to surround yourself with him and to never forget the sight of him, the smell of him, the feeling of him. You want him. Every piece of him. The annoying argumentative side. The ugly jealous side. The headstrong proud side. The beautiful caring side. The sweet kind side.

All of it.

You’d just have to lean in a bit more to complete the kiss. Just a centimeter more.

“Captain! Junmyeon is back!”

You pull away and smack a hand to Baekhyun’s mouth to push his face away from yours.

“Junmyeon!?” Excitement runs through your veins, the moment from mere moments ago already evaporated. You don’t even care that Yeri just walked in and caught you in a semi-compromising position with Baekhyun.

Junmyeon is back.

You shove passed Baekhyun to run beyond Yeri and out to the main deck. You don’t care that your abdomen smarts or that Baekhyun lets out a sound of frustration behind you.

You have to make sure that Junmyeon is okay. You have to see him with your own eyes.

You stumble out to the main deck and look around the lantern lit ship frantically. You finally catch sight of him held on both sides by Kyungsoo and Minseok. Seulgi is standing in front of Yixing, mouth moving rapidly as she motions wildly from Junmyeon to Yixing. Her hair matted with blue blood and a red slice down her arm, thick with drying blood.

Your excited stumbling slows to a worried walk as you take in the scene. Junmyeon’s left leg is lifted a bit off the ground and his expression is twisted in pain. There’s fresh blood on his cheek and his clothes are heavy with what you hope is water. Minseok and Kyungsoo look drained at his sides. Purple streaks their skin, a mix of their blood and that of the sirens.

At least they’re all real.

Minseok sees you coming first.

“Captain! You’re okay!”

You smile sadly. “I should be the one saying that. You all look terrible…”

Kyungsoo laughs out tiredly. Junmyeon smiles dazedly. He looks beat.

You punch him in the chest.

“Ouch!”

“Dumb fuck. Getting pushed off the ship,” you growl out.

He smiles lazily. “I missed you too.”

He unloops himself from Kyungsoo and Minseok to hop over and wrap you in a weak hug. You hug him back just as gently, holding in tears that threaten to spill out and over. “You had me so worried.”

“I know, but I’m okay. We’re okay,” he tries to soothe. Pulling away you cup his cheeks and scan his face sadly. He’s dirty and looks as dead tired as you’re sure he feels. You brush the hair off his forehead tenderly and thumb off a spot of mud on his cheek. “You should let me go. I think your boyfriend is getting jealous again,” he tries to joke, but his voice comes out weak.

“Again?” you question as he limps back to Minseok. Wait… “Boyfriend?!” you hiss.

Despite his exhaustion, despite how awful a day it’s been, Junmyeon laughs. He can still manage to laugh.

“Junmyeon, stop moving around,” Yixing barks out.

You see Baekhyun walking up to your side with his arms over his chest and a childish pout on his lips. Even if you didn’t know him as well as you do, you’d be able to tell that he’s upset.

Boyfriend.

You cringe and take an inconspicuous step farther away from him.

“Is he going to be alright Yixing?” Seulgi asks.

Yixing prods at Junmyeon’s obviously injured leg. “His leg is broken, but he’ll be alright. I’ll have to reset it and look him over for any other injuries, but it doesn’t seem any worse than that.”

“We’ll give you the debriefing in the morning Cap’n. I think everyone needs a good night’s sleep,” Minseok offers.

“Yeah…let’s…reconvene in the morning. Everyone wash up, attend to your injuries and then we’ll get everyone together and figure out what the fuck happened and what the fuck we’re going to do next.” You reach toward the bruise growing in pain on your stomach but lower your fingers when you feel Baekhyun’s eyes on you from your periphery. You clear your throat. “Let’s try to keep moving. We can’t let this slow us down for long.”

“I’ll take care of Junmyeon. You all go rest,” Yixing says, taking it upon himself to guide your injured first mate to the infirmary.

You wait in your place until nearly everyone has cleared the deck.

Nearly everyone.

“Baekhyun,” you call. He startles in his spot still pouting at your side. You sigh and lick your lips nervously. He blinks down at them dumbly. “I need help getting my clothes off so that I can bathe.”

A toothy smile plasters itself across his face and you want to kiss him.

God. Stupid. So fucking dumb.

“Don’t say anything. Just help me out of my clothes and then fucking leave my room so I can clean up.”

He nods slowly. “Yeah of course. Why else would you want me to help get you naked- ouch.”

You scowl and raise your fist to punch him in the chest again. “Don’t make me regret asking for your help.”

He smiles again, gentler, eyes shining with an emotion you haven’t seen since you were on the island together. When he brings his hand up to your fist and wedges his fingers between yours to bring your intertwined digits down, you let him.

Mostly shocked, and a bit flustered by the action, you gape at him.

“Let’s go.” With another squeeze of your fingers that sends tingles up your spine you let Baekhyun guide you back to your room.

[teaboot]

hello! i’m writing a story where a bunch of ghosts befriend a still-alive person, and i was wondering if i could ask you about cemetary caretaking in dms? (because that’s the setting, and i know nothing about cemetary caretaking.) or if not, could you point me in the direction of others who know more?

Yep! Keep in mind though that each Cemetary can have different rules about what markers, headstones, and offerings are allowed, so. There is that.

1. The older parts of the Cemetary are recognizeable because the headstones there are usually upright land in a bunch of varied shapes and sizes. They don't stand in tidy rows, and some of them sink into the ground and tilt or fall over completely. Pieces break off all the time, too, and can get launched back at you with a weedwacker or damage the lawnmower blades, so they have to be moved.

2. A serious concern for maintainance workers is potentially being hit by falling stones, so when they fall down, they tend to stay down until they are paid for to be properly replaced or repaired. My mom said she knows a guy who died that way.

3. Some stones from the late 1800's have weird dog-looking figures carved in- those are lambs, and are put on christian children's graves. They look odd when they erode.

4. Some older graves will be homemade, or have countries of origin included. Some will simply say "baby", "mother", or "father".

5. Some headstones only have one date- those are typically for infants who didn't live long, or were stillborn. Sometimes they won't have names, either, but a few do.

6. When cleaning a headstone, first you now as close as you can through rows, then you go to each individual headstone with a weedwacker and remove whatever's been left to cut the grass down. Then, you put whatever isn't broken or a hazard back as close as you can, and take a leafblower to the whole place so the loose clippings don't end up sticking all over and looking terrible. This takes twice as long when there's a whole pile of stuff, so some places won't let you leave anything at all. I believe in finding a happy medium, but that's me.

7. Loads of local critters and wildlife use headstones and other constructs as shelter. I'm always keeping my eyes out for small birds, snakes, toads, etc- toads are the most common, I try to move them to nearby woods, bushes, or finished areas so they don't get cut or run over.

8. I don't know about anyone else, but I liked to talk to the folks sometimes. A simple 'hey nice flowers' or 'sup kiddo nice truck'. I think it might be cause I used to work with a morgue and it was easy to chat with the people who came in, but Idk. Dead people aren't nearly as eerie or creepy as TV makes them out- I guess it's a tiny bit sad, especially with kids, but like... what can you do, you know?

9. You gotta watch where you step, because some places- especially older ones- are FULL of small holes or sudden dips. These can be from animals, but more often graves that don't get enough dirt on top or super duper ancient ones where things have caved underground let the earth sink in over time. It leaves about a person-sized divot that's easy to trip on and needs extra attention.

10. Some people like to leave candy or bottled drinks for their loved ones. I.... understand the sentiment, but. It gets gross, over time, when the packages fade and split, and critters get in, so most places don't allow it or throw it out.

11. Wal-Mart knicknacks. Are the bane of my life. Little hollow statues that break and get full of wasps nests, wreaths made in China where the flowers pop off, five hundred individual fabric flowers stuck into the ground one-by-one that you have to painstakingly remove and put back every single time, with sharp rusty metal ends and wire cores that pull the equipment apart... just. Ugh. I understand, I do, and I get that it's not something people generally think about, but... just. Whatever you're thinking of leaving, give it a quick shake. If something comes loose, I can't recommend leaving it.

12. Some headstones are homemade by friends or family, with glass beads or shells in cement. Those are sweet,and I like to see them.

13. The back of your neck will burn. No amount of sunscreen will prevent it. I recommend a collared shirt, or tying a bandanna around your neck. There is nothing else you can do.

14. Your whole body will be covered in sweat. I wore jeans, boots, a tank top tucked in, and a sleeveless T over top, with a bandanna, safety goggles, and a hat. The jeans got sweaty every day, and rubbed my upper thighs red-raw after the first three weeks. The skin grew back dark and dry and I need to apply moisturizer constantly to avoid cracking. My old sunburns have turned, and some of the worst ones left strips of dry, papery, red scarring that took forever to fade. Again, moisturizer and sunscreen. Constantly. I still have a callous at the base of each finger on both palms.

15. Your whole body will sweat. Your whole body will be covered in grass clippings. Some will fly up your ears and nose. Sometimes tiny rocks will hit your shins and face and feel like bee stings. You have to towel off every couple hours and drink water damned often, because you will literally sweat full litres every day. You will attract flies. They will crawl on your skin. You will learn to ignore them, because at least they aren't mosquitos or ticks.

16. There is no bathroom. The men will disappear in the woods or behind a tree. I would go to the bathroom at home and just make sure I didn't drink more than I could sweat, I guess. I'd take the worst days of my period off and stay home because there was no way to deal with that on an eleven hour shift with no washroom break. Ta-da. I still worked longer and harder than most of the men, though, so whatever.

17. It's unskilled hard manual labour, and our group had no toilets and long hours. Most of our workers came fresh out of prison, but I can't speak for everybody. We were small town, no-union farmers and kids with free time, and most our new guys quit after a day or two. Literally. We had one dude three years younger and over half my size who showed up for 45 minutes before quitting.

18. Your fingers get stiff and hard to move, and your elbows and feet get sore. It took me a while to make it more than two days in a row without a breather day in between, but three and a half was my max. By the end of it I'd be stumbling, missing spots, irritable, sore, and tired. Given a day or two to get back on my feet, and all was good. But there were some older folks who'd been doing that work for thirty years without a day off, and Damn. They've got my respect.

19. The skin on your feet and hands gets hard like leather. Be ready for that.

20. The older guys, or whoever's worked there longer, will have stories about some of the graves. Special ones they're extra careful with, or spots where old school buddies or family is buried. I'd like to say we treat them all equal, but I guess you can't help but be a little more thorough for the young mom who's daughter just turned nine, or the baby from 1920, or the brothers who died in a house fire. It's like... we're supposed to die from old age, after living a full life, right? It sucks a little harder when you know someone didn't get to have that.

21. You can't work through rain or lightning. You see a strike overhead, you haul ass to the truck and see if you can wait it out. That shit'll blow the bark off a tree.

22. You lose weight, gain muscle, turn darker, and your hair bleaches out at the ends. After about a month I was five pounds lighter, with bigger biceps and shorter hair 'cause it was too hot to leave long.

23. Water grass. Is hell. It's thick, it grows fast, it loves rain, and it's a bitch to cut. It will grow a foot high in two weeks, I shit you not. You gotta come back two, three times a month to keep it down.

24. Hearing damage from not having proper protection is a noticeably advancing issue

Best part of the job: feeling yourself get stronger, seeing your work at the end of the day, plenty of time to think and daydream, regular eating and sleeping schedule, easy to save money because you have long hours and no time to spend anything.

Worst part: physical discomfort, aches and pains, the repetition makes it feel like an ordeal of Greek damnation, always exhausted, coworkers keep quitting.

I can't think of anything else right now but ill update if I can! Hope this was helpful!!! :D

[fuck-customers]

Big Bird Deli, Part 3

Continued from https://fuck-customers.tumblr.com/post/185625162330/continuation-of-the-big-bird-deli-story-found

Now, I know you all want me to say I got a new job and rubbed it in my store manager’s face. Sadly, reality is often disappointing. My top choices so far sent back general rejection emails and I’m looking into different industries to branch into. Now, it's not all bad news, but in order to get into the good news, I need to tell you all a story about one co-worker; our constant call off, whom I’ll refer to as CCO. Buckle up for a long story.

CCO was transferred to our store from the one about five minutes down the road a little under three years ago now. I was still in my first year when she transferred in. As I worked with her, she seemed like a good co-worker. Knowledgeable, dependable, she even taught a bunch of tricks to make the job easier. Then, some things started to bubble to the surface.

At first, the only bad thing about her is that she took a long time in the bathroom, 10-15 minutes, pretty much a break without clocking out for one. CCO’s explanation for this was biological, but she couldn’t identify her condition. Skeptical, but ok. Then, she’d also take a long time to get a drink (Non-alcoholic). Managers caught sipping a drink in the break room, and even the training room (Small room with computers for basic training/OSHA/Food Safety) and told her multiple times, she could only do that on breaks. She’d also do stuff that led to numerous signs in our back hall. She’d try store dry food there, take drinks back there, and she’d be on her cell phone on her shift way too much (Mostly showing her cats, making notes, not talking or playing games).

Then, she began to talk constantly. She’d talk with customers even after their orders were done. I constantly saw customers get that “I need to get going but I don’t see my chance to leave yet” expression, and she’d keep blabbering on for a few more minutes as the customer slowly tried to inch away. But it wasn’t just customers, CCO would do the same to co-workers. She’d blabber on while doing nothing or only very small tasks. Sometimes her conversations sucked you in, even though the topics were things from youth, church, or constant updates about her cats (she and husband got up to FIVE cats, and yes, introductions to them included pictures.) I had the highest tolerance for these stories, not sure why.

Now, I can handle those things above. But it got worse. So. Much. Worse. After our store got remodeled just before CCO came in, tasks were updated to include not only sweeping the department floor every night but also washing and squeegeeing the floor. CCO made excuses so she wouldn’t be the one doing it. She’d do anything she could to pass it off on that night’s co-worker. She made excuses that it hurt her back, but refused time and time again to get a doctor’s note to excuse her from the task. She also made excuses that it was tiring, but she stopped those excuses after only a couple weeks. This, coupled with many closers forgetting some tasks, provoked our Deli Manager to make daily task sheets starting this past summer, mostly focused on the closing staff. I, personally, am ok with the sheets, as I view it as a tool to acclimate new employees to the department tasks.

But here’s the big one. She ‘began’ to get migraines within six months of her transfer. She’d slow and become less useful during work, taking long treks to get water and basic medicine that seemed to do the trick at first. The kicker is that she began to call off once every two weeks. Now, you may think that’s not so bad and it’ll count against her. Wrong. She applied for FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) for her migraines. She could spend a TON of hours towards it, and she could reapply when she ran out. I started out sympathetic, as I have family members with migraines, but they have methods to curb it so they can work. CCO started calling off once a week. Twice a week. This year, it went up to three times a week. And it was almost always on the same co-worker, Nice Coworker (NC). NC became stressed, she didn’t even want to be scheduled with CCO because of it, but sometimes had no choice. I saw NC break down in tears multiple times. She threatened management to not call her if CCO called off on Sundays, cuz she wouldn’t come in at all. Our deli manager retaliated by trying to schedule CCO less. CCO retaliated by complaining about her hours and claiming hours of other co-workers due to seniority!!! She’d just take their shifts and call-off anyway! So not only was she causing hours to drop, she was basically stealing money from people who actually show up for work.

This all caused morale and productivity to plummet. We were stressed, aggravated even. All the while management still wanted everything perfect while not addressing the problem. And since we’re union, management has to give CCO chance after chance before she’s finally fired or CCO will just run and cry to the union about ‘unfair termination’. We also got wind from people in the store down the street (Sometimes people over here have to cover over there and vice versa) that this behavior happened down there, but not to the extent it got down here, and was the reason CCO transferred. We also learned that she’s had this behavior at all the past jobs she told anyone about. This woman is ten years older than me and hasn’t learned any lessons about her behavior.

Oh, but the cherry on top of this comes in the form of gaslighting and manipulation. CCO dared to call NC her friend while she was claiming NC’s hours and calling off on her! CCO would apologize and say that she “was a shitty person,” and that we “must hate her”. Insincere apologies, self-bashing designed to make you say “No, you’re not a piece of garbage!”(even though she was). CCO also spread rumors about a friend who’s like a brother to me (from another department) when he briefly got in deep trouble. She did this because she thought she could get his full-time position once he was fired (A position that took him being there 12 years and his manager begging multiple times on his behalf to get). Needless to say, I heard through the grapevine and began to truly hate her.

Oh, and remember those call-offs? CCO’d often do those on the weekend, y’know, the busy times. Especially Sundays. Since she was a “Good Christian™”, she’d want to go to church on Sundays. Ok. Reasonable. Then, she called off on Sunday evenings, a shift that’s hell to close alone. Again, on NC mostly. She’d do this repeatedly until our Deli Manager decided to not schedule her on Sunday, two weeks in a row. CCO smirked and told NC that “Her plan had worked!” and that she won’t work Sundays (She didn’t put them off on her availability because it was discouraged, and sometimes even rejected, to not work weekends). To say that, and say that to the person she called off on constantly, is just despicable. Many of us told our deli manager as soon as possible. If she didn’t schedule CCO on Sundays, she’d work on Sundays in any department she had experience in (she’s cross-trained in the Hot foods and meat departments).

At the start of this year. Everyone in the department hated her. Some would be catty or strictly business with her. I opted to pretend to not want to rip her face off, otherwise, I risked forwarding that bile to customers, and I have cried on CCO’s shoulder in the past due to previous work-related bullshit (not the story above). But, we finally had some news from the grapevine; CCO’s doctor AND corporate had picked up on her FMLA abuse. It was flagged as abuse because during times her FMLA expired and needed to be redone her migraines had ‘mysteriously’ disappeared. No call-offs until after FMLA was reinstated. Her doctor told her that he wouldn’t approve more and even if he did, it wouldn’t be approved by the company. By our calculations, she’d run out at the end of May. She ran out mid-May. All we had to do was wait.

And this past week, the good news! Turns out CCO didn’t help NC much the Saturday of my paid vacation. NC went to Store Manager on Wednesday, on her day off, to report CCO. Store Manager told NC that CCO, and potentially all of the deli, was going to get pulled into the office soon one by one. Details couldn’t be said due to confidentiality but NC said that shit was about to go down, we all just didn’t know what. On Friday, now mid-June, our Union Steward (A worker to represents the union while not working for the union directly) came and got CCO and pulled her into the office with Store Manager. Ten minutes later, CCO was escorted out of the store by Loss Prevention. The scales finally tipped when the customer complaints stacked up, and that she got into a verbal argument with a co-worker (Not me or NC) with a manager as a witness. Said co-worker was at the store on her day off, shopping and chatting with us briefly. While CCO passed by, CCO called her a bitch, in earshot of Loss Prevention. But that was the last we’ve seen of CCO.

Slight dancing was had, and upper management reminded us that this is an opportunity to turn the deli around. We got a new person who started during my vacation. She’s absolutely amazing and gets along with everyone. It’s only been a few days, but already other departments are commenting that the deli seems happier and that a great weight has been lifted. I always joked about giving CCO this big speech in a dark, even tone and saying she needs to go on disability or welfare if her work ethic or migraines are that bad. But, I decided against doing a big Facebook drama thing. Instead, I blocked her on social media and her phone number. I’m glad to finally cut her out of my life permanently.

As for me? I’m still at Big Bird. Now that the main problem is gone, I can take my time finding a good job and not go for the first one that gives me an interview. I still want to leave because of upper management, and I haven’t received confirmation that my write up was overturned. Things are looking up, and I’m glad we now have a solid, competent team as we get ready for the 4th of July sales.

Last word: I was going to post this as is, but today, I heard something amazing. A co-worker had to work a split shift, beginning down the road then coming up to our store. Turns out, CCO didn’t tell her husband that she got fired! She told him she was on vacation! And he works down the street! I busted up laughing, imagining scenarios when he finds out she lied. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall for that confrontation. :3

TL;DR

Not much has happened other than a co-worker getting fired and absolutely deserving it after putting the deli under so much stress.

[secret-captain-swan-blog]

Castle on the Hill

English Literature PhD student Emma Swan just needs money to pay for her last semester of grad school tuition. Killian Jones has always dreamed of opening a bookshop but has never been able to afford it. So when the small principality of Misthaven is looking for their lost princess, the pair decide that this might just be the perfect money making scheme.A Multi-chapter Modern Day + Lost Princess (think Rapunzel/Anastasia-esque) + Book Lovers in a Coffee Shop AU

Rating: T

Word Count: 88956/ ?

Prologue (Part 1 + 2) // Ch 1 // Ch 2 // Ch 3 // Ch 4 // Ch 5 // Ch 6 // Ch 7 // Ch 8 // Ch 9 // Ch 10 // Ch 11 // Ch 12 // Ch 13 // Ch 14 // Ch 15

Read on: Ao3

“She’s not mine,” He says, as he falls into her arms.

Emma wraps her arms around him and holds him tight. He feels the grief of the last few hours pour out of him. New tears threaten his eyes, causing him to bury his face into the crook of her neck.

“Oh Killian,” she hushes.

He feels her hand reach up to stroke his hair and it soothes him. He tries to pull himself together. After all, crying in the middle of Paddington Station is a bit of spectacle. Brits are all about stiff upper lip and the like. Killian’s histrionics are probably something that needs to be curtailed.

He takes a few long breaths and pulls back to wipe his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Emma,” He says. “I should have texted you to tell you what was happening instead of making a display.”

“Hey,” Emma says, taking his hand. “I’m not upset. I mean, I am upset because I don’t want you to be sad and hurting. But it’s fine you didn’t tell me. Sometimes we need more time to process on our own.”

Killian nods, wiping at his nose. God, he can’t believe what a mess he is.

“Let’s start heading towards the bus and you can fill me in,” Emma says.

It’s sunny outside. The weather a weird contrast with his mood. He sees packs of friends strolling down the streets, heading out for brunch or morning coffee. All of them living perfectly normal lives, while Killian feels his is falling apart.

It’s stupid really. There was always a bit of Killian that was hoping the child wouldn’t be his. After all, a child would mean finding a new place to live. It would mean finding furniture, likely getting a second job. It would mean that the idea of opening a bookshop would be an even more distant idea.

It seems silly that Killian was willing to give everything up for his bookshop dream when there are things that seem infinitely more important now. Home. Love. Family. And a little girl named Alice.

They don’t end up talking on the way to the bus station. Killian still can’t find the words and because she is an actual marvel, Emma doesn’t press him for them. But she reaches out and take his hand and it makes it a little bit better.

They reach the bus stop with some time to spare.

“The bus should be here in about ten minutes,” Emma says, looking at the schedule on her phone.

Killian nods. He tries to make small talk. “How was your last day with Belle?”

“It was good,” Emma says. “We went to the V&A and Kensington, but then we ended the day with wine in the Shard. Not cheap, but memorable.”

“That’s good,” Killian says, trying to put some emotion into his voice.

Emma frowns and then squeezes his hand. She can obviously tell how emotionally drained he is and doesn’t press him for more words.

The bus arrives not much later. It’s packed, so they end up sitting separately. He offers Emma a seat near the front, while he tucks himself into the back row. He leans back and closes his eyes. He’s been so distraught, he hardly slept the night before. He doesn’t sleep on the bus ride, but he rests his eyes, which feels good.

They arrive at the airport, which is essentially, a warehouse. He numbly navigates security and they get to what barely constitutes as a concourse. Emma leaves him with their luggage at a table while she heads out to procure lunch. She returns not long later with cappuccinos and sandwiches from Pret.

They are seated together for the short flight, which Killian is infinitely grateful for. He leans his head against Emma’s shoulder, slouching in his seat. Emma in turn presses her lips to his hair.

“We’ll be home soon,” She whispers, as they take off.

Killian is grateful for that.

It’s another bus ride, another tram ride, before they are back in Emma’s apartment. It’s nearly late afternoon by now, the sun already beginning to dip, creating long lines of light across Emma’s living room floor, announcing the shift to late autumn.

They leave their bags by the door and Emma leads him to her sofa, wrapping him in her favorite soft, grey blanket and curling under it with him. This feels good and safe and right. Home.

It’s crazy because before this Killian thought he was settled. He thought he was beyond the silly feelings he’d had as a younger man where he needed a family, he needed a home. But yet now, with another tease, with another opportunity of seeing it before him and then having it ripped away- he feels that same pain, that same longing, all over again.

He knows it’s silly, but he imagined it. He imagined Alice becoming his daughter. He imagined finding a little apartment with two bedrooms, maybe nearby, in Emma’s neighborhood. He imagined house plants and maybe a cat. He imagined setting up a child’s bedroom. He imagined filling her bookshelf with a combination of his and Emma’s favorite books from their childhood. He imagined Sunday afternoons playing in the park, late nights helping her with her homework. And somewhere in there, Emma would move in. Somewhere in there, they’d become a family.

Killian knows it’s silly now. God, if he’s learned anything by now it’s that family isn’t something that magically appears in your life. Maybe it is something you have to earn. And well, maybe that’s a lesson for him too- he hasn’t earned it. He doesn’t deserve it.

Emma puts her hands on his face. Her fingers are cold, so he takes them in his hands and kisses them softly.

“I’m sorry, I’m being like this,” He apologizes.

She shakes her head.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” She asks.

He nods, the lump reforming in his throat.

“She’s not mine,” He says.

“I’ve gathered,” Emma says. She isn’t harsh.

“Like I went there to the paternity test,” He says. “And I thought this was going to be it. I sat there waiting for the news and I had this feeling in my gut that she was mine. She had to be mine.”

Emma rubs her thumb over his hand.

“I didn’t even meet her or see her,” He says. “She was just like a thought. They showed me a picture of her. She’s small, like her mum, with curly blond hair. The workers told me a bit of what she’s like. She likes to read. She’s good at school. She’s curious and kind and fanciful. So, I thought, of course she has to be my daughter.”

“I would think so too,” Emma says.

“But I suppose she belongs to another person,” He says. “She’ll live this whole other life and never know that there was a man who was desperate to be her father.”

Emma snuggles into him, putting a kiss on his shoulder.

“I hope he’s good to her. I hope he loves her,” Killian says. “I don’t want her to grow up like we did. Broken and unloved and trained in how to survive because that’s all we knew. I want her to get to be a kid and to be able to have real dreams and know what it feels like to have a family.”

Emma wraps her arms around him and leans into him. They stay like this for a moment, just breathing and grieving.

“I just really thought,” He begins, “I really thought I was going to have a family.”

Emma looks at him with knowing eyes and swallows.

“I know,” she says, “but you do.”

He looks up at her.

“You have Ruby and her gran. You have all the people whose lives you helped during the revolution, at the cathedral, at the botanical garden. You have your patrons at the pub who know you and laugh with you.”

Killian bows his head. Of course, he’s been so selfish to not think of these people as his family. He mentally scolds himself for it. Ruby is basically his sister. And her gran has taken care of him like his own gran did.

Yet, he thinks back of him and Liam and their little bed in the basement of the castle. That was family. Liam was family.

And while Ruby and Granny and the old priest at the church and lad at the botanical garden are all fine and well- they aren’t the same as Liam. They aren’t really, truly, his family.

He can’t tell Emma that. She’s just trying to help and knows that the idea of family is touchy for her too.

Instead, they stay cuddled on the couch together till the sun disappears under the horizon. Emma eventually stirs, turning on a few lamps, and setting to work in the kitchen.

Killian gets up from the couch and perches himself on one of stools at the counter, looking over her work.

“You’re making cheese toasties again?” He asks.

Emma gives him an incredulous look, “You mean grilled cheese?”

Killian smirks at her American-ism. The tries to focus on her adorableness and not on his grief.

“You do seem to cook this delicacy quite a lot,” He remarks.

She shrugs, “It’s comfort food to me.”

He smiles sadly, thinking of his own comfort foods. A warm croissant from Liam, snatched from the kitchens, eaten under the covers of his bed. A chocolate bon bon from the Princess. His gran’s famous vegetable stew. For the bit of his childhood that wasn’t terrible, he does have his own fond memories of food.

“It’s usually the cheapest thing on the menu in any diner in America,” Emma explains, slathering pain de mie with butter.

Killian cocks his head, listening. He can sense that Emma has a memory on the tip of her tongue.

“When I was kid, I didn’t ever want to be a burden,” She tells him. “So if a family was taking me out dinner, I’d always order grilled cheese, the cheapest thing.”

Killian knows that feeling too. He remembers the warm feeling of finally getting to a good house and wondering, worrying, about what he would do this time to ruin it. He knows how to tread lightly, how to always feel like a burden needing to minimalized.

“The summer before I started at Duke, I finished working at summer camp a week before the fall term began. I had just enough money to afford the Greyhound tickets to campus and a semester’s worth of books. After that I had ten dollars and fourteen cents. I didn’t have anywhere to stay. It was such a mess. Colleges don’t know what to make of homeless freshmen. I ended up sneaking into the library every evening and staying in after hours, till it locked, and I’d sleep on the comfiest couch in one of the study rooms.” She pauses, turning to the fridge to take out a block of cheese.

“Sleeping in the library, love?” He teases. “That sounds like your sort of thing.”

“I’d always thought it’d be the dream, but it was a really hard time. I could afford a grilled cheese from the dinner down the street every other night, so that’s what I fed myself on,” Emma says, with a rueful look.

“That’s hardly enough,” Killian says.

He thinks of a boy on London bench with no money, no more chocolate bars, and no more adventures.

“I know,” Emma says.

She takes out a fry pan and turns on a burner. There is silence for a moment as her hand lingers over the pan, checking to see if it is warm, before putting a sandwich on. It sizzles as it hits the pan.

“I’m sorry I’m just randomly blabbering about this,” She tells him, shrugging uncomfortably. “I feel like today has brought up a lot of memories.”

He nods and swallows. “I know, me too.”

“I didn’t think it would,” She says. “But I can’t stop thinking about how it’s our lives all over again- another little, lost girl in the system.”

“I know. Being around the council workers again these past days,” He murmurs, “It brought a lot of things back.”

“It’s not fair,” Emma says.

“I just keep thinking about her face, her smile,” Killian says. “I keep wondering if she’ll grow up like we did. Never feeling like we belong. Always feeling like a burden. Always feeling unwanted.”

Emma frowns, swallowing. She flips the sandwich, revealing one side golden brown and crispy.

“I don’t want Alice to be full of sad stories,” Killian whispers.

Emma looks up, a smile now gracing her lips

“We aren’t full of sad stories either,” Emma says softly. “We are hopeful ones too.”

He looks up at her and he wants to pour his heart out to her. He wants to say, “You are my hopeful story. You are my family.”

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to scare her off. Especially when she has come so, so far.

So instead, he smiles for the first time that evening and says, “I know.”

--

Emma had planned to tell Killian that night about her feelings, about her ‘yes’ to an unasked question. But as they eat their sandwiches and she sees the first light of happiness and hope return to Killian’s face, she decides that it’s just not quite the right day. She doesn’t want the start of their relationship to coincide with a day of sadness and unhappiness.

She wants to focus on him healing, not on being a Band-Aid or a mere distraction to his pain.

That night they split a bottle of wine and she reads him The Princess Bride, which they are nearly finished with at this point. Eventually they find their way to her bed. They fall asleep with her body flush against his, her arms wrapped around his middle. She knows that she herself likes to be held this way, and when she hears his cathartic exhale, she imagines he does too.

She thinks she’ll tell him in the morning, but when she wakes she sees grief wrinkled in the corners of his eyes, bleary from a sleepless night and she thinks, “not yet.”

So November begins instead. It’s colder than it was before, early colorful autumn turning suddenly grey, the air unwaveringly chilled. The leaves turn brown and wrinkle and lay damp against the cobblestone.

Emma starts to write a final exam for her students. Normally, their exams are held after Christmas, but since Emma’s next semester at Duke begins in January, she’s gotten permission to move up her exam for just before Christmas. She finds that she likes coming up with exam questions, hoping that they’ll challenge her students and allow them to shine. She also likes the change of focus from her thesis. American literature provides an easy distraction.

Killian continues to become a cohabitating fixture in her apartment. Weirdly enough, she likes it. She likes not being alone at night. She likes cooking dinner with him, splitting a bottle of wine as they navigate the small kitchen together. She likes how they curl up and read together each night.

She slowly sees his spirits rise. One afternoon they find themselves laughing over a funny answer that one of her students wrote on a test. Another evening, Granny lets them behind the counter after close and she lets them create their own coffee concoctions. Granny must know about Killian’s loss as well and is trying to do what she can to raise his spirits. It works, a bit. Killian sports a foamy mustache after sipping overly frothed cappuccino and the pair erupt into giggles again.

They take in the melancholy weather with long afternoon wanders around Misthaven. They go back to the North Neighborhood a few more times, stopping at indie art galleries and record shops. They even get coffee at a few of the cafes in the neighborhood. It isn’t Mamies, but it’s fun to see how each café is decorated and serves their drinks.

They spend time walking along the canal in Emma’s neighborhood as well. Leaves collect in the basin, but it doesn’t stop it from being wistful. Emma lets Killian hold her hand as they walk. It’s another sign of the change that’s already happened, the ‘yes’ that Emma has already said in her head and has yet to articulate.

They kiss sometimes, little pecks on the cheek or the forehead or nose, and occasionally the lips. But they haven’t really come close to making out since London.

It’s two weeks after their trip, two weeks of healing and hope, that things begin to change.

They’re sitting in Mamie’s drinking their morning coffee and splitting a pain au chocolat.

“Have you been to the Musée des Beaux Arts?” Killian asks. “The art museum?”

Emma looks up from where she is grading a paper in Mamie’s, taking a sip of cappuccino.

She shakes her head, “No, I haven’t.”

“Would you like to go later?” He asks, offering her a hopeful smile.

Emma feels her insides warm.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” she says.

They spend a few more hours drinking coffee. Emma slowly makes her way through her stack of papers and Killian is reading something new, the volume of Dutch fairytales from the Queen’s library. Emma never got around to reading it, but since apparently Killian easily reads Dutch (she supposes that she should have assumed that given that he is Misthavian), he’s translating it for her. He flags the fairy tales that might seem related to her research.

Around noon, they head out to the museum. They stop for a panini at a cart along the way, splitting it in half and walking together as they nibble.

The Musée des Beaux Arts is located in an old mansion along the river. It has neat gardens tucked to its side, which is where Emma and Killian enter. They spend time taking in the gardens, which despite the frigid weather, features a few flowers still in bloom.

Emma and Killian are good at garden strolls. After wiping the rest of the panini from her hands and throwing away the napkin, Emma takes Killian’s hand. She lets herself lean against his side as they stop to look at their favorite flowers and plants, pointing out the little details of them. There are some sculptures dotting the gardens as well, elegantly crafted nudes and more abstract pieces.

They finally make their way into the museum. After spending so much time in the Queen’s lavish quarters, the museum seems understated, but that doesn’t make it less beautiful or enthralling. There are tapestries lining the hallways, marble detailing on the grand stairway. Classical music plays over speakers, which feels a little contrived, but it sets an elegant tone.

Emma is impressed by the museum. She isn’t an art aficionado by any means, but she appreciates the narrative quality of paintings. The museum does well in terms of breadth and quality of art. Misthaven benefited from the Dutch Golden Age and has plenty of Baroque paintings. Emma finds herself lost in a daze looking at a Vermeer painting and all of sudden wants to go to Amsterdam soon to see more. The museum also has a hardy influence from French impressionist movements, the second floor full of Van Gogh and Cezanne.

Lost in a dreamy stupor from all the paintings, they make their way to the basement. While the rest of the museum was relatively crowded, the basement is empty. Instead of art, it has a few displays of ancient Misthavian pots and sculptures. After all the dazzling artwork, this section seems more subdued. Emma tries to focus on the tiny, faded clay pots, but without the distraction of the paintings, her thoughts drift to Killian.

All of a sudden, she feels his presence next to her in a way she didn’t before, a warmth that quickly turns into the heat. She can hear each breath he takes. The classical music suddenly seems more distant.

She reaches her hand out to reach for his. She feels a rush of warmth at the contact, her heart fluttering as he squeezes back. They’ve held hands before, obviously, but with the added electricity of the moment, this small touch seems galvanizing.

It’s not enough.

And they are alone, right?

Emma turns on the spot to push Killian against the wall, careful not to harm the glass cases of clay pots. Her lips are pulled to his, which quickly respond to hers, kissing back with equal passion and fire. Her hand dives into his hair, the silky feeling between her fingers only turning her on more. Killian’s hands hesitate for a moment, out of surprise, before they reach forward to wrap around her back. They slip under the hem of her shirt to rub along the small of her back, before dipping lower to give her bottom a firm squeeze.

Just like that, it’s changed.

The love that Emma struggled to put to words before now is communicated through this kiss, this moment. She lets that love go into every press of her lips. She lets healing flood through brush of her hand through his hair.

And it’s still not enough.

“Home,” She whispers between kisses.

She wonders if they can get kicked out of the art gallery for making out in the basement. Technically it’s not even PDA if no one can see it, she supposes. But what if someone checks the security camera.

“Home,” He replies.

So they make their way out of the art gallery, up the stairs, through the garden. They make their way to the nearest tram stop. It’s a seven-minute wait for the next tram, so they keep busy by continuing their kisses.

Killian tugs Emma’s coat tighter around her, kissing her nose to keep it warm, running a hand through her hair. She can’t even stop herself from sighing happily at his ministrations.

They board the tram, making for the backseat where they can continue to steal kisses. She slides into the seat first and he follows. His arms wrap around her and he presses her against the glass windows.

She’s seen teenagers, even couples in their twenties and thirties, making out on the tram before. It’s not uncommon here, especially since kids in Europe tend to live with their families into university and beyond. They have to have somewhere to get their urges out away from their parents, so often that ends up being on the metro. Emma isn’t against it and she’s delirious in the moment to stop.

But she also has few lines that she’s not sure she wants to cross in public.

So when Killian nips at her neck, her back arches automatically and she has to suppress a moan. She pulls back from the kiss.

“Sorry,” she admits, “just if this goes any farther I think we might get kicked out of the train.”

Killian blushes sheepishly, before pecking another kiss to her lips.

“I’m not sure I’d mind,” He tells her, sneaking a kiss behind her ear.

“I would,” Emma whispers. “I want this to be perfect.”

She’s not unrealistic about sex. She’s never been one who thinks that it has to be perfect or even romantic.

But then again, this is the first time she’s going to have sex with someone she actually has feelings for, with someone she actually trusts.

With someone she loves.

Wow. The enormity of this moment hits her. She’s going to have sex will Killian.

Make love? Is that the word for it?

The word had always sounded silly and overly cheesy, but now it fit right. Yes, of course, these moment they were sharing were nothing more than a blossoming of love that had been growing for months. They didn’t even have to have sex for this to be making love. There was love furiously flourishing around them. She imagined it as vines tangling around her ankles, curling low around her belly, wrapping around the tips of her fingers. Love.

Killian acknowledges her wishes and pulls back for the rest of the tram ride. He keeps her hand in his, stroking it lightly. The pad of his finger makes circles on the back of her hand.

When they finally reach their stop, he tugs at her hand to lead her off, the heated moment settling into a warm simmer. This somehow only turns her on more. She swallows at the tingling that she feels drop through her spine and settle at her core.

Their walk from the tram station to her apartment is a mess. They try to walk slowly, savoring the moment, drawing the pleasure out. But halfway back, Killian presses Emma against the side of storefront, the stone walls smooth against her back, as he leaves another bite on her neck. This time, just above her collarbone. It’s the incentive she needs to grab his hand and rush him into the apartment building.

“Do we need to stop for condoms?” He asks, as she opens the building door.

She smiles, knowing that they have the same intentions for how this will end.

“No,” she shakes her head, tossing her hair, “IUD.”

It’s another survival technique, but she doesn’t tell him that. They aren’t survival anymore. They’re thriving.

It’s a flight of stairs up and a fumbling with the key and they’re in.

He pushes her against the door when they are inside. Clearly they’re both into this pushing thing and she can’t say she minds.

His hands drop her hips, moving against her, as he pressing his lips to hers in a deep kiss. It’s all she can do to let her own hands find his hair, grazing the prickly feeling of his scalp, before twisting around a few locks to pull him gently closer.

Then he’s back against her collarbone again, etching a love mark with his teeth. God, she’s going to have to wear a scarf or a turtleneck for her next two weeks of teaching, but whatever. This, all of this, is a hundred percent worth it.

He starts to unbutton her shirt, his hands brushing across the tops of her breasts in a movement so gentle and tender, she has to sigh at the pure beauty of thing.

His hands return to her buttons, undoing them one by one, till her blouse slips off her shoulders in a lovely, freeing motion.

“You’re so incredibly beautiful,” He hushes, running his arms up and down her sides, tracing the outside of her curves, toying with her bra.

She wonders if she should tell him that she always has sex with her bra on. She keeps as many secrets as she can for herself, never revealing too much, never giving more than she has to way.

But this is different, today, this, him. She is vulnerable. She is present. They are real in this moment and she can’t bring herself to give anything less than her whole self to him.

So, she unhooks her bra and tosses it aside.

Killian looks at her, unabashed, taking it all in.

“So incredibly beautiful,” he repeats, his voice an adoring whisper.

He wraps his arms around her and pulls her forward. At first, she thinks it’s for a hug, but then she realizes that he’s picking her up. She loops her arms around his neck, letting her legs wrap around his waist.

He walks them to bedroom, where he sits softly on the side her bed. She leans into him, straddling him, reaching to pull off his grey sweater and toss it to the ground. Then she leans back into him, letting her nipples brush across his chest, reveling in the feeling of skin on skin.

He lowers his head to let his mouth take hold of her nipple, his tongue swirling till her toes curl and she wonders if she can come from just this. Then he pulls back to kiss between her breasts, before moving on to lavish her other breast. She writhes under him, before she finally can’t take it anymore and pushes him back against the mattress.

Her hands drop to his pants, smiling into a kiss, as she fumbles with the button.

“I’ve never felt like this before,” she whispers to him, as she pushes his pants down.

He pulls back and smiles up at her, before flipping her gently, his hands on her pants.

“I’m glad I can give you this,” He whispers back. “I want to give you everything. You deserve everything. And I’m sorry for anyone who ever told you don’t deserve the world, Emma. I intend to spend every day that you’ll have me making up for that.”

--

Emma doesn’t realize that she’s fallen asleep till she blinks her eyes open. She can tell a few hours have passed since they made love because the sun is now low in the sky. Orange streaks criss-cross the white duvet they are tucked under. She’s folded in Killian’s arms, her back against his chest.

His hands are stroking her hair lightly, a sign that he’s awake.

“That was so good,” she says softly.

“I’m glad,” he says, kissing the back of her head. “It was pretty incredible for me too.”

She feels more vulnerable than ever. But she’s comfortable in it.

She can’t deny that there is a part of her brain that is focused still on survival. There is a part of her that’s upset with herself for falling asleep after. She’s calculating the chances of getting a UTI and wondering if her international student insurance will cover it and how the Misthaven medical system will work.

But courageously, she silences the survivalist part of her brain.

She turns around so she’s looking at him.  Emma takes in Killian: hair rumpled, eyes sleepy, but adoring. A lazy smile on his face.

She loves him. She loves him.

She has other things to focus on now. And something she has to tell Killian right this minute. Something that she can’t let go unsaid another moment, because she thinks she might burst.

“Killian, I like you a lot,” She declares, her voice racing with nerves, trying to force it out before her courage abates. “I might love you, but that really scares me to voice, so I’m just going to say I really like you.”

His lazy smiles splits wide into a grin, the corners of his eyes crinkling. Her heart feels warm.

“I love you too, Emma,” He says. And she knows he can barely contain himself. The same bursting feeling inside him that is in.

She kisses him, lovely and sincere, on his lips.

“I want this,” She says. “All of this with you. I’ve wanted it for a long time now, but I finally think I have the courage to tell you, so I am. I want to be your girlfriend or human or whatever.”

“Oh Emma, you can certainly be my whatever,” He laughs.

She giggles too, before he catches her lips with his, his thumb gently rubbing across her cheek. The words they can’t say- words about finding a kindred soul, words about curbing a lifelong loneliness, words about feeling like their hearts were finally able to heal with each other- are said in kisses, strokes of hands through hair, and small sighs of adoration.

They are tangled in blankets again when they finally pull apart. The sky is dark now.

“I really should shower,” Emma mumbles, sleepily.

Killian nods.

“Shall I start fixing us some cheese toasties?” He asks.

Emma smiles and rolls her eyes a little.

“Yeah,” She nods. “And tea?”

“Cheese toasties and tea coming right up for my lovely lass,” He says.

--

Life seems light after they are officially a couple. Emma feels lighter, happier.

It’s a stupid cliché, but being loved makes her want to be more loving to others. She calls Belle the next night and tells her the news. She gets re-introduced to Will over Skype and she’s happy for her friend. She makes plans to see them when they are back in America.

Finally working up the courage, Emma calls Professor Shepherd and explains that she’s discovered the identity of Blanche Neige. They decide to keep that information confidential, but that it won’t discredit the research. In the end, a text is a text.

“You’re a postmodernist! Death of the author,” Professor Shepherd says. “I mean, obviously, we don’t want your friend to die. But they don’t have any bearing on your research itself. If you are doing decent critical analysis, it should be fine.”

Emma takes deep breaths, knowing that it’s finally time to return to her thesis. After a month hiatus, she starts becoming productive on it again, spending long nights at Mamie’s working on it. Other times, especially the nights Killian works at the pub, she tucks herself into a back-corner booth with a whisky and cranks out a couple of pages.

One night, in late November, she sees a man at the bar with a large hoodie on, and with a shiver down her spine, she thinks back to how she and Killian met.

She hasn’t given much more thought to the man in the hood and the knife and the scar on her shoulder and the jean jacket she never got back. In fact, she’s tried her best to get them out of her head. Yet now, she feels a weird gratitude for them. Despite this long, bizarre winding path that her journey in Misthaven has taken, she’s happy for it all, because it has all led to Killian.

She looks up and smiles at him, where he fixes drinks at the bar, and he returns hers with a bright grin.

It’s later that night, on the tram home, she brings up an idea that has been weighing on her heart for days.

“I think I need to forgive the queen,” she murmurs.

“What, love?” Killian asks, looking up from the book he was reading to stroke at her hair.

“I think that I need to forgive Mary Margaret for keeping her identity from me. She had good reason to,” She says.

“I think you have good reason for being angry. No one would blame you for staying angry,” he replies.

“I know, but I want to end my time in Misthaven on a positive note. I don’t want to harbor any bitterness to her or to anyone,” She tells him.

He tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I understand that. I think you should do it, if it feels right.”

“It does,” Emma says, snuggling into him, tucking her head under his chin.

He kisses her forehead, a blessing. They ride the rest of the trip in silence.

When they return to Emma’ apartment, she feels like something is off from the moment she turns on the lights. Her spine tingle uncomfortably and she feels inexplicably as if she is watched.

Surveying the apartment, she asks Killian, “Does it seem like something is off?”

He frowns and turns to her, “Didn’t we leave our tea mugs on the coffee table when we left?”

Anxiety swoops over Emma. She rushes to the bedroom to check that her passport is still there. It is. As is all her jewelry, not that it is worth much anyway.

Killian riffles through his own things. “I don’t think anything of mine is missing.”

Emma begins searching her dresser. She frowns as she notices a few vacant items.

“My green cardigan is gone,” she says. “As is my hairbrush.”

Killian chuckles, “Perhaps our thief wanted a cuppa and a cardigan.”

Emma rolls her eyes and sits on the bed.

“I suppose, but do you mind checking the apartment for intruders.”

After peaking into the bathroom and coat closet, Killian deems them safe and very much alone. He fixes them new mugs of tea and snuggles with Emma in bed. She’s unsettled, clearly, as much by the man earlier as she is by the visitor tonight. But she’s safe. She has her wonderful, protective boyfriend. She doesn’t feel alone.

--

Emma makes an appointment for the following Tuesday. It’s early December and snow is falling in fits of flurries. Nothing sticks, but it lines the hills with a glittering dust. Emma thinks this might be a blessing too.

She watches from the window as the car takes the familiar path up to the summer palace. She notices a few workers outside hanging garland around the entrance and trimming the garden with fairy lights.

Right, Christmas. Emma’s been so overwhelmed with her relationship with Killian, with her thesis, with her hurt from the Queen that she’s hardly had time to think about the holiday as something other than a deadline for everything- her time in Misthaven, her time with Killian. Sure, they’ll do long distance once she leaves. But it won’t be the same. And Emma still has a little doubt that they’ll survive it.

“Emma?” The queen asks, taking Emma’s attention, as she appears in the doorway.

“Queen Mary Margaret,” Emma says, curtsying.

The queen frowns and Emma feels awkward. She hasn’t curtsied to her in a long time and it shows that distance that has already formed between them since their falling out.

“Come inside, out of the cold,” The queen says. “I’ve had tea set in the Enchanted Forest room. It’s one of my favorite places to watch the snow fall.”

Emma wants to resist and tell her that she doesn’t need to sit down to a full tea, that she just wants a few words. But that is something Old Emma would do. Emma with walls and hard edges. This New Emma, the one that is the product of Killian and Misthaven and hope, is able to say,

“Okay.”

She awkwardly follows the queen back to the ornately decorated room. She was right. It is beautiful in the winter, the dark green and gold walls looking cheery in contrast to the white dusting of snow outside.

Emma sits in one of the chairs and she thinks back to her first tea time with the queen. She was so nervous and it’s only now that Emma realizes she’s nervous now too. Forgiveness doesn’t come natural to her. She’s never forgiven Ingrid. Or her worst foster families. Or her unknown parents who abandoned her.

But she’s learned that there is a lightness that comes with forgiveness and she craves it.

She pours a cup of tea in silence, before pouring one for the queen as well. She finds a chocolate croissant on the tea tray and adds it to her plate, before finally finding the courage to break the silence.

“I’m not going to be in Misthaven much longer, just a few weeks more. My fellowship just lets me stay for a semester and I think I have all the data I need, more than I need really, to finish my dissertation back at Duke next semester.”

“It’s been such a quick semester,” The queen says, quietly. “It’ll be sad to see you go.”

Emma takes the little pitcher of milk and pours it into her teacup. She enjoys the moment where the milk hits the tea and cup swirls with clouds.

Then she pulls together her courage once more.

“I wanted to meet with you today, before I leave, to finish things on a good note,” Emma says. “Knowing you has meant so much to me. My friendship with you, along with meeting Killian, has defined my time here in Misthaven. It wouldn’t be right to just up and leave without saying goodbye.”

The queen looks up at her, a note of surprise tucked in the pursing of her lips and wideness of her eyes.

“And to say that I forgive you,” Emma says.

“Oh Emma,” the queen murmurs. “Thank you.”

“I don’t want to look back on this time of my life and hold resentment. Misthaven has given me so much and you’ve been a part of that,” Emma tells her.

“You’ve helped me too,” the queen says. “You’ve helped me see that my writing hasn’t just been a misguided coping mechanism. It helped you. It helped Killian. It helped you two find each other. It’s lifted a bit of the guilt I’ve felt from writing those books.”

Emma smiles at her, before taking a delicate sip of tea. The queen is right. Her books have given so much to so many people. If Emma could help her realize that, maybe she’s done something to give back to the woman who gave her so much while she was here.

“And you and Killian?” Mary Margaret asks, nibbling daintily on a tarte de pomme.

“We’re a couple,” Emma says, a grin forming.

“I could tell,” The queen replies. “Something was different about you. And you smiled when I said his name.”

Emma feels herself flush and she dips her head.

“Yeah, I’m happy we finally worked things out,” Emma says. “We definitely had feelings for each other for a while. But it was hard, hard for me, to let go.”

“Being open to love, believing in the possibility of a happy ending, those are all really hard things,” Mary Margaret says. “But powerful things. And things that will lead you to true happiness.”

“Or pain,” Emma mutters, the thoughts and warnings not yet dead, despite how open her heart is.

“Emma, take it from me, someone who has had a lot of loss in their life,” Mary Margaret says softly. “It’s worth it. Pain is worth it for love. I hate that I lost my entire family, but I wouldn’t trade it for a moment. I wouldn’t want to have never experienced that love.”

Emma nods.

“Will you write to me?” The queen asks.

Emma smiles a bit. “Yes, of course.”

“Good,” she says. “I want to hear all about how your PhD finishes up and how things go with you and Killian.”

Emma nods warmly.

“And if you two happen to need some funds to reunite with your love, well, I suppose the Her Majesty Queen of Misthaven could happen to need to summon you here and pay for your expenses,” the queen says with a wink.

Emma feels a tiny worry roll off of her. Yes, she hates to rely on others and their money, but all the same- the queen has tons of it. And if now she can return to America at peace that she’ll see Killian again, then that’s all for the better.

“Thank you,” Emma says. “Honestly, for this, and more.”

The queen puts down her cup of tea.

“No Emma, thank you,” she says softly, “for forgiving me. That takes a maturity beyond your years. It makes me think that the future of our world is safe, knowing that there are people as courageous and loving as you leading the way.”

Emma smiles warmly.

She doesn’t stay to spend time in the library after. She bids Mary Margaret farewell, giving her a kiss on each cheek. She knows that Killian is meeting her the apartment to cook dinner together before he starts his shift at the pub. She wonders if she’ll join him and edit a few dissertation chapters as works. Or maybe she’ll work at Mamie’s instead. Or go to bed early. Whatever it is, she feels at peace. She has Killian. She has Mary Margaret. And for just a few more perfect weeks, she has Misthaven and the here and now and everything, for the first time in her life, feels good.

Tagging some pals: @sambethe @lenfaz @pocket-anon @the-corsair-and-her-quill@kmomof4@kiwistreetswan@princesseslikepirates @timeless-love-story@shady-swan-jones@katie-dub@1handedpiratewithadrinkingprob@midnightswans @hollyethecurious @hookswan25 @princesse-swan @captainpoe@onceuponaprincessworld

[paramedicsuicide]

First responder suicide -- PTSD, or something else?

Its 1:30am. I sit on my computer in complete darkness, having just slept for the past 10 hours. As a Paramedic in a suburb of a relatively small US city, I work 12 hours shifts for 4 straight days. I get 4 days off to recuperate after that, and at this point in my career those days are essential for my survival. Many of my co-workers are not lucky enough to be able to stop at just 4 days, and must work additional overtime shifts in order to make ends meet. The private EMS industry has relatively low wages nationwide. We are the "red headed step child" of emergency services, often hiding in the shadows of police officers, firefighters, and nurses. There is no such thing as a "typical" shift when working in EMS. There are the occasional shifts where I will sit in the parking lot of the local convenience store chain for 12 straight hours without picking up a single patient. The glow of my cell phone screen illuminating my face for each passing person to see the life draining out of my body. The boredom sets in after hour 2.  My legs and butt hurt. I am hungry, but I can't tell if its true hunger or just my body telling me to get up and move. I decide to walk inside to browse the aisles of colorful treats, getting nauseous at the thought of eating "lunch" out of a gas station at midnight for the 3rd day in a row. Despite my disgust, I walk outside with 2,000 or more calories of junk food at a time in an attempt to eat myself to death. "Ill be diabetic by the end of the week" I say to my partner as I open my fudge dipped granola bar. As the career of a first responder goes on, most quickly start to pack on the pounds like a bear preparing for winter. Company policy prevents you from sleeping during your shift, so your food (if you can call it that) is washed down with 16oz of your favorite energy drink to keep you awake and ready to pick grandma up off the floor when she attempts her 2am bathroom run. I have palpitations from all the caffeine. Hopefully one day those PVC's turn into an arrhythmia and the lord takes me. "Anything to get out of this job" I say, as I polish off my second monster of the night.  Morning rolls around. 50mg of benadryl will help me fall asleep after drinking energy drinks all night long. I have severe shift sleep disorder. I am depressed. I just want to sleep. I wake up ready to go after just 4 hours of sleep. Great. Another night of pounding monsters. I punch in 15 minutes early for my next shift and am assigned a call before I am even scheduled to start. I am the only ambulance available in the surrounding 15 square miles of suburbia, and that trend will continue for the next 12 hours. Call after call, I don't have time to finish my paperwork before being sent on the next run. Its 11pm and dispatch calls my unit number for the 5th time today-- "With the fire department for a 1 year old post choking". I have taken 50 calls of the same nature before and say out loud-- "Great, another bullshit call". Every day, nervous parents call 911 over the slightest cough or sniffle which eventually numbs you to the potential of a true pediatric emergency. Its never a real emergency. Until it is. Rolling up on scene after the fire department, I grab my house bag and begin to waddle towards the low income apartment building for the third time this week. I think -- "I should have brought the tablet for a signature so I don't have to walk back outside". Suddenly, a firefighter rounds the corner carrying a limp child like he is holding an offering platter. "That's not good" I blurt out , going from zero to 100 in the snap of a finger. The firefighter tells me the child was eating chicken and rice when he began to choke.  As my partner digs out the pediatric bag valve mask that has been sitting unused in the house bag for an unknown number of years, I set up the suction, only to find an unresponsive, apneic child with a clenched jaw. "That doesn't make sense" I think to myself as I try to peel apart his tiny jaw without any luck. Thank god-- he has a gap in his front tooth that fits a small, 12fr suction catheter. I start to go through the motions. Is he seizing? Nope. Any trauma visible or reported? No. Mom was asked again-- and again says the child was sitting up, eating, and suddenly started choking. What is going on here? With little to be done on scene, I rush to the small local hospital, nervous that the next squeeze of the bag could lodge a piece of food in this kids airway. I am getting good air exchange but his spo2 isn’t amazing. He must have aspirated. Great news. He is now moving his arms, and his eyes just opened. Wait, why is his jaw still clenched? That's not great news. This kid hasn't made a noise. What the fuck is going on. As I roll the stretcher into the small emergency room closest to the scene, I am greeted with that dreaded sentence from the ER Physician-- "why did you bring him here and not children's hospital".  I bite my tongue-- its not the time to have that fight. The kid is now posturing. A few minutes go by and the doctor asks me to get my laryngoscope because the emergency room is not currently stocked with the proper pediatric equipment. Maybe he was right. The thoughts start rushing through my head-- "they are going to kill this kid. I should have just risked it and bypassed. It was only an extra 7 minutes or so further". As I sit there and wait for the next order, new thoughts take over. "Someone shook this kid. There is no other explanation".  Hypertensive, bradycardic, posturing. But mom said he was choking on rice? Where would she get that from? Hmm. She doesn't seem as concerned as a mother should be. She answers a text message while being questioned by the police.  She has yet to ask anyone how her son is doing. The texts start to come in to my phone. "Are you ok?". "I hear you had a bad call. You guys ok?" "WTF was that all about?". I am fine. Any provider who plans to have a lengthy career has to distance themselves from their patients. I can think back to every "bad" call I've taken, and never once have I been able to recall processing a patients face. Its not important. What they look like is irrelevant to my job. Its the circle of life. Some people live, some people die. Its my job to try and make that circle a little bit bigger if I can. Sometimes you are successful, sometimes you aren't. You have to come to terms with that early on. Minutes after calling in service from restocking, the radio chimes my unit number again. "Cold response to the fitness center for a hand laceration". I arrive on scene to find a psych standing out front in his blue paper clothes, clearly having been to an emergency room at least once today. “Hop on in buddy-- take a seat” I say as I shake my head. We drive him 3 blocks down the street to the same emergency room we left just a couple hours prior. I am not greeted like one would expect. Not with "Hello", not with "whats the chief complaint". I am greeted with a sentence that is never good news. "Did you hear?". Our child from earlier had been emergently transferred 6 miles away to the childrens hospital by a specialty transport team. The news from them was not good. "That kid -- he has a brain bleed". My suspicions were confirmed. He was never choking. Someone hurt this kid and tried to cover it up. I know how to handle this, because its not even the first time this situation has happened to me. People hurt kids often enough that I am not even shocked. Stories like this don't make the news *for a reason*. People cant handle stuff like this. No one needs to know that savages live in apartment 3. Some people have to know though. WE have to know. Its not OK. I talk about suicide often. My previous partner was a veteran and has PTSD from being deployed overseas. He has had many friends commit suicide after returning from war, and was concerned about my mental health. That should concern me. He would ask me once a week-- "Are you sure you are ok?".  My little comments here and there come off as jokes to most people. "Id rather die than come into work tonight". "Pull out in front of this semi truck-- we wont feel a thing I promise". "Stage for police? Fuck that. I hope I get shot". In reality, its not a joke. I am not suicidal at this point in my life-- I am apathetic about living. I'm not going to take my own life, but I am definitely not excited when I wake up each morning. This feeling has slowly crept up on me over my almost 10 year career as a paramedic. I tell myself daily that I need to get out before its too late. What will be the breaking point where I become truly suicidal?  I have to answer one question before I leave. "Where will I go?"   I am burnt out. Everyone says "go to nursing school", but the passion-- the fire inside that makes you want to help people has been extinguished for years. Where can you go at 30+ years old with a paramedic certification and no useful degree. I have made financial commitments at my age that makes starting from scratch somewhere at entry level wages an impossibility. What can I do? Where can I go? I am stuck. This job is like quick sand, and I'm up to my shoulders. If I struggle much more it will be above my head. We get to see what goes on behind the curtains of society. How much would you enjoy a magic show if you knew how the magic was performed? That is what life is like for many first responders. Members of the general public get to wear blinders during their day to day lives. There are people who post rants to facebook if the garbage man didn't put their garbage can back in the correct spot. A terrible day for a typical person is a flat tire on the way home from work. They have no idea what happens in their town or city on a day to day basis. They have NO IDEA that 3 doors down, a husband beat the shit out of his wife for the 4rd time this year and she wont tell the police what happened. They have NO IDEA that people call an ambulance from the parking lot of an emergency room because they don't want to wait in the waiting room.  They have NO IDEA that someone in apartment 3 just hurt their baby and tried to cover it up. But we know. We see it all. I have talked with a lot of people who have similar feelings. Its due to me being so open about my apathy towards life. People who I see every day, smiling at their coworkers and telling war stories and laughing. You would never guess these people were at the end of their ropes-- fighting off their own demons. "Make sure they have bagpipes at my funeral". I don't try and talk these people down because they don't want help. How could I help anyways? You cant just "un-know" the things we know. These people just feel comfort in the fact that they aren't alone. I have been lucky that none of these people have taken their lives yet. I know the day is coming. Its been a long time since a co-worker has committed suicide, and the statistics say we are over-due. How will I handle it?

[careerbitespod]

Episode 2 Transcript: (NURSE) Turning Setbacks into Success with Kim Ceccarelli

Rachael Barksdale: Welcome to the Career Bites podcast where we make career exploration easy - and fun! This week, I explore a career that has been front and center in this pandemic - nursing. I am so fortunate that my guest took time out of her busy schedule to speak with me, given that she is not only a full-time nurse, but also a mother to a toddler and expecting her second! Kim Ceccarelli is a progressive care unit (PCU) nurse in Oregon, but the path to get there wasn’t an easy one - and for Kim, the journey isn’t over yet. I hope her story will inspire you to persevere as you embark on your own path. Here’s my conversation with Kim.

A lot of people are watching the news and seeing all of these nurses talk about the COVID situation and personally, having worked with a lot of nurses when I had my first kid almost a year ago - nursing is really intense! I personally super admire anybody who’s a nurse or wants to be a nurse because I know I don’t have what it takes. Why did you choose to go into nursing?

Kim Ceccarelli: So the starting point, I mean in high school I always had like, you know, that career that I wanted to get into. But I never understood why I wanted to be in it. I just knew that it was something that I really liked being a part of because I always volunteered at the hospitals. My first volunteer gig was at the - like in the medical ICU at Madigan which is on the Fort Lewis military base back home in Tacoma. And I just always admired the work ethic, the way they interacted with patients, just how sharp they were, too, and just how much the doctors and the pharmacists always turned to them. But then it’s like, I always admired them but then I wasn’t sure, like what is it about me that could contribute to this area? And then the turning point happened while I was in college, still trying to figure out my path. I bounced around a little because life was happening, and one of those major life events was that my grandmother who - who lived with us - she was having issues with small strokes and whatnot, but she had the big one while I was on holiday break. And that scared the...the dickens out of me and...but you know, high school because I had to work in a hospital as a volunteer, I had like CPR skills and whatnot, but I just turned her to her side because she was having the stroke, and eventually she had a seizure, which I didn’t know all that connected at the time, and had to call 9-1-1. And that was a really scary situation, you know, having a personal loved one go through that. And again, it was the nurses in the emergency room who calmed us down, and her down, as well as my mother who was sobbing tears, you know. It was the nurses - after the doctors explained things in confusing medical lingo, that the nurses made more sense about like what the imaging was, what medications they were giving, how long she might be there. And then it was the nurses who, eventually when my grandmother went into hospice, they took such good care of her toward the end of her life that just being involved with it even just indirectly, like on a personal level now, was like “I want to be that for other people”. And so, I persisted and - but that was kind of why I chose to be a nurse.

Rachael: Wow, that is super inspiring. And, what a crazy way to get into that, to have your grandmother have that experience.

Kim: Mm-hm.

Rachael: That’s scary, but sometimes it’s those really intense life moments that push us down a certain path. So, you mentioned some of those things that nurses did, they were the ones that explained what was going on in terms you could understand, they were the ones that were comforting...If I were to shadow you during one of your shifts, what are some of the things that I would be experiencing?

Kim: We work 12-hour shifts, maybe other places do 10 or eight, but mainly in the hospital it's a 12-hour shift. We see you first thing in the morning. We’ll take your vital signs that range from your blood pressure, charting down your heart rate, measuring your respiration - so as you’re talking, we will not tell you that we’re measuring how much you’re breathing but we’ll do it very discreetly - we’ll check your blood sugar if that’s what we have to do. And then we kind of just do, like a little mini assessment, like head to toe, ask you your pain levels and whatnot, ask if you slept well if you were there overnight. And then just kind of review as to why you’re in the hospital because it’s always good to know what got you there in the first place. And I have a lot of patients, too, that don’t understand why they’re in the hospital either because of old age or they’re altered because of whatever their condition brought them in for, so we kind of just have that routine to kind of go over like “where is the patient at?” And so after I do my assessments, I usually check-out meds. Typically we have like these 8 or 9 o’clock medications that need to be given - that’s either stuff that they’ve been taking at home if they were taking, you know, maintenance medication, and anything new like that brought them there that they have new orders for, medications for. I’m always seeing how the patient’s doing, seeing if they have the strength to even sit up on the edge of the bed, if they can even swallow or drink well, if they can even take their medications at all. We are like a stroke unit too, as well, so I’m always trying to ensure their safety and make sure they don’t choke on their pills. And then a big chunk of my time lately is charting. At least for my unit, we have to chart like every four hours, and then even more frequently if we’re monitoring the trajectory for a stroke, or if they just got out of surgery usually it’s like every 30 minutes to an hour, just depends on what they’re there for and what kinds of protocols and procedures are in place for that kind of thing for charting. I’m always on the phone, too, if I’m not in a patient room, either mediating care with the nurse managers, the care coordinators. Sometimes these patients’ primary care clinics give us a call for an update. Sometimes I’m talking to hospice organizations if the patient is going that route. Then, I’m talking to the physicians, I’m talking to all the therapists - physical, speech and occupational - just asking how the patient’s doing. I’m talking to all of the imaging departments because we have to coordinate times for x-rays and CTs and MRIs, all that kind of stuff and...I feel like I’m always mediating when I’m not in a patient room. And sometimes, depending on family dynamics, I’m talking to a handful of family members who are okay to get information, because we do have confidentiality laws, but I mean if I’m able to talk to a family member - if it’s okay with the patient or if they’re a power of attorney. Some families like to call throughout the day and some just want a quick update first thing in the morning. I mean all that makes for a really busy day. Then you get things like, that blindside you, like codes or rapid responses, or just like a change in health status that takes all of my attention. 

Rachael: It sounds like you don’t have any down time whatsoever, which I think for some people is great, they want to be busy. And that’s good to know for some people that - they’re considering nursing but they need those breaks. I mean you’re going 12 hours straight. How often do you do your 12-hour shifts in a week?

Kim: Yeah, so, I mean, if you’re 12-hour shifts in a hospital typically it’s three days a week. You can have those either all consolidated into three days in a row which is very tiring, but I mean, if you’re young and you can do it - kudos. But even at 30 I’m like “oh my gosh I am so exhausted”. And usually that first day off after three days, which is like 36 hours in three days, but then you account for like, you know, getting to work and staying late sometimes because of charting, or like something happened at the end of the shift. Sometimes it is 40 hours in three days.

Rachael: Wow.

Kim: Which some people don’t seem to understand when they’re like “oh yeah, you only work three days a week that must be really nice” but if you have all those days clumped together, which a lot of hospitals make you do, it’s...it’s rough. 

Rachael: Right, it’s just the super-concentrated work week, that’s what it is. 

Kim: Oh yeah. I mean, I will say, a lot of my lulls happen like at 2 or 3 o’clock. And I will say also that I’m super fortunate that I’m part of a hospital that has a union that fought for breaks. Breaks are legal, we’re supposed to have your three 15-minute breaks and a one 30-minute break. Some places don’t necessarily do that. I’m not going to, like, name-call or anything, but that’s kind of the consensus in nursing that people just go without their breaks, and that that’s just normal. But that’s not normal and it’s not safe for patient-care or for nursing staff. Yeah, luckily I am in a union that fought to add an extra nursing position to have what we call a “break relief nurse”. So I - I fortunately get all of my breaks. So that makes a huge difference in my day. 

Rachael: That’s awesome.

Kim: I feel really grateful to have that. 

Rachael: One of the questions I had written down here to ask was how you felt about these ongoing concerns, you know way before COVID pushed every hospital to the limit, about the nursing profession at large having nurses overworked and underpaid, culturally kind of under-appreciated. They’re sort of the teachers of the...of the medical profession, you know, they’re completely essential and yet, unfortunately, disregarded in a lot of ways. I guess, do you want to elaborate on...on your thoughts on that or how you’re seeing the situation from the inside?

Kim: Even before I started working as a nurse, during my clinicals in the two years - two, three years before becoming one - yeah, I just wondered, like, when is my preceptor going to have her break? Like, what’s in place? You go 12 and a half hours almost, thirteen or fourteen depending on what goes on, and I’m like, “this shouldn’t be a culture that’s accepted like this”. We need to feel more appreciated by management. So, I mean, it’s hit or miss, I haven’t worked at a place that doesn’t have a union or - I mean, most of the area hospitals in my, in my state do have unions except for maybe one, but breaks and management of relief for these nurses is pretty standard or at least it’s trying to be the standard. But no, I just, I just don’t think like that culture of not having your breaks and going for 12 hours straight should be accepted and I...I definitely signed the papers to, you know, have that be considered in a contract of ours at work. So it takes a lot of advocating and fighting for ourselves to make sure that we get that respect and those breaks. 

Rachael: For sure. So nursing, again, this really intense profession, takes a lot of your time, what would you say would be the top three attributes for someone who’s successful as a nurse?

Kim: One is you need to have a strong backbone. Not all patients are very nice. They will say really mean things to us. Sometimes they don’t even want to be there because maybe a family member brought them in out of concern, or they didn’t understand why they were going because they’re so confused. And you know, in altered states some people can be really combative and whatnot. But we have to have a really strong backbone to just not take those kinds of things personally. Some people are just really sick so they just say some really mean things because they’re vulnerable, and we have to realize that. And so I always say, like, you have to meet the patient where they’re at. So that’s why I do that little review at the start of my shift, which includes introducing myself and reviewing their course of care, and what to expect for the day. And then, second is to never act like you know it all because nursing is an ongoing learning process. And even though I precept and train new hires, or new graduate nurses, like three years into this, I - I still feel like I’m always learning, even new procedures alongside the doctor like just - supplies, I’m like “oh, I’ve never heard of that kind of catheter or whatever” - but it was a preference for a physician and that makes the procedure go easier like for paracenteses and whatnot. Yeah, so it’s always being willing to learn, too, and always accepting advice even from older and newer nurses just to receive their input, because I feel like you’re not going to go anywhere if you’re not willing to learn more. And then another attribute is - I know you mentioned earlier that nurses are underpaid or - but it depends on where you work, hospitals do get the highest pay and such - but that’s not what influenced why...and so we should always reflect and acknowledge that getting into nursing is so much more than just the pay. But it’s because you legitimately want to care for the people that are kind of under your wing. And because they’re going to be from all stages of life, all walks of life, they’ll be at a different stage in, like, their illness either toward the end of life or maybe they just found out something, you want to have the compassion and the empathy for people who are going through these trying times. Especially now in light of COVID. 

Rachael: I’m going to take a step back then and let’s talk about how you got to nursing in the first place. We talked a little bit about this before the call, about your unorthodox education path to get to this point, so walk us through that. After high school, what path did you take and what did you learn after going through that process?

Kim: Yeah, for sure. So like I said before our call started, I went and did, you know, the four-year college route, because, you know, that’s all that was kind of ingrained into us in high school, like “go to a four-year college”. So I went. I discovered that I’m not a really great person with studying or I didn’t have like a really good study ethic cemented for myself. Life also happened, like I said, when I was a sophomore in college my grandmother had that stroke. So I was in and out of the university campus helping my mom set my grandma up for, you know, the different areas of healthcare that she needed, like hospice and dealing with the emotions of that. So life happens. I ended up getting a degree out of Gonzaga in psychology because that’s what I ended up changing my major to. It was nursing at the time, but because of life I had to change it. And I actually had an advisor that told me that because of one low grade that I shouldn’t be a nurse. So even though I had, like you know, that turning point in my life that inspired me to become a nurse, I also had someone who told me not to. And that was - that was me saying “I - I’m not going to listen to that”. Why would an advisor say, “you shouldn’t be what you’ve always wanted to be”? So that was definitely a driving force too, but you know I persisted because it was really truly what I wanted. And I - after Gonzaga I had to take a few prerequisites just to kind of, you know, get that A-grade or to really solidify my knowledge in that area, especially anatomy and physiology. And then applying to nursing school was a whole other ball game. Nursing schools are very competitive. They usually have really really large application pools for a small cohort. For example, the school that I eventually got into, there were 600 applications the year that I applied, but they only took, like, 80 students. Which feels like a lot, but out of 600 applicants that’s not a lot. And the applicants for these nursing schools, it’s just so large at any of the schools that you look into and so...It took a couple years to get into this program, but again, persistence was the name of the game for me and I was like “I am not giving up”. So in that time that I had to reapply, and ever since I got out of Gonzaga, I knew how important it was to start working directly with patients. So I worked in assisted living facilities, I worked in skilled nursing homes, I worked with patients in memory care - and honestly, the care that my grandmother received inspired me to look into these areas so I understood what she was going through when she eventually had to be out of the home. Yeah, so I went through to do a two-year associate's degree. A two-year associate’s degree still allowed me to sit for the national licensure exam, called the NCLEX. That in itself was a - that was a doozy and I spent like seven weeks straight just studying and honing my ability to take tests. Because that’s really what it is, it’s like how well can you take a test? The information you learn in school was honestly enough to help you take the exam, but you really had to hone in your test-taking skills with that. I got licensed on my first try. You hear as nurses that “oh, someone passed it the, like you know, the minimum amount of questions”, which is 75, like their thing shut-off. Because I have to work extra hard at everything I do I feel like, I finished at like 115 questions. And the exam can let you take as many as like 250 questions for this licensure exam - so I felt good, and you know, it was a really hard two or three days to wait, but I got - I got licensed by the state of Oregon and I was extremely happy with myself. All that hard work of, you know, working and being rejected initially, my - my grandmother’s passing, like all that really culminated into that one moment where I read the email saying “Congrats! You are now a licensed nurse”. It was a very tearful and joyful moment. But I still pressed on, like even though I just got licensed I felt like I didn’t really have time to celebrate because I was looking for a job. And then even after I started a job I still needed to get a Bachelor’s of Science in Nursing because that was kind of the minimum degree to have in hospitals especially. So...and I wanted to make sure, you know, I covered all my bases. So my first year that I was working I worked nights, three times a week for the 12-hour shifts, and at the same time I was attending an RN to BSN program at Oregon Health and Science University. That was for an entire year, so three-quarters - I got my holiday breaks and whatnot. And that focus was very different from my associate’s degree. My associate’s degree was very hands-on learning, was more about pathophysiology, pharmacology, how to do assessments, like things to look for, like practically basically. But OHSU taught me about more in-depth on nursing leadership, epidemiology, community health concerns and that kind of stuff - which I really liked. Some people maybe were like “oh, that’s not very different from like the ADN” but I really thought that that helped me hone in my critical thinking skills as a registered nurse, and I was very appreciative of having that opportunity to go to OHSU. Because the nice thing is this RN to BSN program partnered with my community college and seven others in the area that allowed associate’s degree nurses to transition to this program without having to competitively apply. So it was like a nice, seamless transition to a BSN program so that we could get more BSN graduates in the workforce. Because they - there was something from the Institute of Medicine or whatnot that said that they’re trying to get like a certain percentage of nurses with their BSNs in an effort to improve patient care. Which I think is cool, so that’s nice to have in our area and I feel very lucky to have that. 

Rachael: To clarify, you don’t need to have your bachelor’s degree to become a nurse, you only need to have a two-year degree and pass the licensure exam, correct?

Kim: Mm-hm, basically. And an associate’s program can let you do that. But the hold-up is is that most hospitals, or most health systems, they’re trying to phase that out almost so they’re trying to make the minimum requirement to even apply to have a bachelor’s degree. Which it makes it confusing because it’s like “well, why do we have all these associate’s degree programs?” But one, it’s inexpensive compared to like a four-year college that offers a BSN, and it honestly I feel like it makes it have better access to nursing, just getting the education that way. 

Rachael: So you mentioned you went right into a four-year degree program and that didn’t work for you...Would you recommend to potential future nursing students to go the associate’s degree route? 

Kim: If time and money are important factors I would say, bring out the money if you know exactly what you want at 18, to go for that four-year degree. But if, like, money is an issue then going the community college route to get like your prereqs done and finding a program that has a nursing school, like an associate’s degree nursing program, to go that route, just to save money. It really depends on what your priorities are and what your financial capabilities are, too, to going to school - because no one wants to have loans. So you have to do what’s best for you financially too. And a bachelor’s program I’ve found, some people - the ones that I’ve gone to school with - was a little harder to look into because I felt like they wouldn’t be able to get the childcare, whereas the community college I went to, they provided childcare whilst kids were in class. There was an on-campus kind of, like, childcare program that was available. So it really depends…

Rachael: Do you have other future education or career aspirations going forward?

Kim: Even when I got my associate’s degree my sisters always joked with me that I will forever be in school or aspire to forever be in school. Which is kind of funny and true at the same time. Because I really do want to get the highest terminal degree and get that satisfaction of saying that I did it and that I’m doing this for myself, but I’m also doing it for my patients and the care that I provide. So I actually have a couple applications out to area nurse practitioner programs, and specifically I want to be an adult gerontology nurse practitioner in primary care. I love my hospital gig, I love everything about it: I love the people I work with, I love the patient population...18 and over. So that’s been, like, my niche and the area I thrive in. But a lot of the care that I provide is very reactive. I see them, you know, while they’re at their sickest and then when they’re - when they’re well enough to go home or stable, like I have no idea what happens after that. And that’s kind of the piece of healthcare that I’m like, “well, how are they doing?” Like, I want to know how they’re doing. And so what kind of influenced the whole nurse practitioner route was that I want to be a provider that helps people stay out of the hospital and help them manage with proper education and follow ups to help them manage, you know, their chronic conditions like whether it be diabetes or cardiac issues or whatnot. You know, help them manage it at home and give them the power to be able to manage it. And so that’s kind of what sparked that, just the whole reactive process in the hospital, and then...I just don’t feel...fulfilled not knowing how they’re doing after that discharge day. And then you also wonder - or I’ve also wondered - “why does this same patient keep coming back for the same thing (recurrence in like a heart failure exacerbation)?” Like are they not taking meds? Is there no access to their meds? Do they - can they not get to their primary care physician, because are they too far? Or do they have transportation issues? Like all those things really, like, buzz around my head: “why is this patient here?” The hospital’s great, we do our job, but you’re only in the hospital because you’re very, very sick. And I feel like management outside of the hospital is super-duper important, for all of our health. 

Rachael: I feel like that just goes to show how much you care about what you do as a nurse and just who you are as a person that those considerations cross your mind and inspire you to be the best nurse and the best healthcare professional possible so…

Kim: Mm-hm.

Rachael: That’s super inspiring for me, personally, just to know that you care so much that you want to be the best that you can, not necessarily just for yourself but for others as well. If there was one piece of advice you would give a high school student, whether they are looking into nursing or not, about adulting and choosing a career path, what would that piece of advice be?

Kim: Honestly, with getting into the career that I’m in now, getting your feet wet and working right away, whether it be in any capacity, to get into a medical field. There are a lot of certificate programs out there and places that even you could volunteer in as a high schooler. It’s really important to get your feet wet so that you understand and know what you’re getting into, and see how you interact and just how you do with other people at their worst. Is that something you could handle? The blood-and-guts thing is also one factor. I have had people who’ve shadowed me and they’re like “I can’t do this. I can’t deal with the needles, I can’t deal with that”. So it’s like always getting your feet wet and just kind of diving in. Like, don’t say “oh I want to be this” without the experience or the knowledge or the capacity to handle it, so I always say get your feet wet in whatever capacity you can either through work, either through volunteering, career interviewing, what have you, anything. Always reach out. And I feel like a lot of primary care offices are really good places to start, like if you have a primary care physician. Just even asking the nurses who work there, or the medical assistants, anything to get started.  

Rachael: That was Kim Ceccarelli, PCU nurse. To learn more about becoming a nurse, check out our show notes. Subscribe to and rate Career Bites podcast on your favorite listening platform. Follow us on Instagram @careerbitespod, or like us on Facebook. Join us next Monday as we sample another career with an everyday professional.

[heathergoffrier]

How To Start A Newborn Sleep Schedule: 9 Expert Hacks +Free Download

Starting a newborn sleep schedule can be daunting and confusing if you don't have the right plan. Learn these 9 hacks so your routine starts off smoothly. For even more help get my free guide "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule." Click here to download This is the sixth post in my "Newborn Sleep" Series. Be sure to check out the other posts in the series and stay tuned for new additions!

With Daddy on deployment, Mommy recovering from a c-section, and two silly-pants older sisters, my youngest daughter was born into a lot of chaos. Her sisters constantly tried to hold her, coo at her, and smother her with gooey kisses while I laid in bed, wincing from the pain of my incision and sleep-deprived from round-the-clock feedings. Amazingly, the baby slept through it all in a rock-n-play in the corner of our combo living/dining room, despite the Paw-Patrol shows blaring and the one-year-old shrieking with delight at her tower of blocks. I regularly had to keep said one-year-old from bonking and poking baby sis in the face when curiosity brought her toddling back around the room to baby's corner. Finding Our New Normal With A Newborn Sleep Schedule All the chaos meant our newborn sleep schedule started out even more gradually and gently as we found our new normal in a not-so-normal situation. She was also born almost three weeks early, so she was much sleepier than my other girls had been in the beginning. In fact, on the day she was born, she slept for 6 or 7 hours in a row and I kept asking the nurses if she was ok. They tell you to feed baby every two hours, so I got super worried about her missing 3+ meals. The nurses reassured me that she was fine. I could tell she was, but since my first two had done so well with a sleep routine, I was a bit over-excited to get started. I soon realized (and remembered) that everything is so crazy in the beginning that there really isn't a schedule, and that's totally ok for a few days. Baby girl was adjusting, I was getting to know her and also healing, and the older girls had adjustments of their own.

Parental Guidance Recommended For Newborns

I'm sure that every new mom feels a bit of that craziness. I felt it still after my third child, and it's just part of the deal with a newborn. But despite the chaos, it's important for parents to play a huge role in helping baby adjust to the world around them. Babies have no idea what's happening, after all. And though they have God-given natural instincts (so amazing to watch!), parents can help their babies get a handle on life as they now know it. From day time to night time, sleeping and eating, and all the other new experiences, using a routine helps babies adjust in a gentle, predictable way.

She was sooooo sleepy!

The Scientific Benefits Of Good Sleep

If you want to start a newborn sleep schedule, I'm excited for you! Using a gentle, consistent routine helped my kids sleep through the night (6-8 hours) by 8 weeks. They all slept from 10-12 hours starting at weeks 10- 16, depending on the child. Having spoken to many moms who've said they didn't get a full night's sleep in over a YEAR (ok that really freaked me out!), I am so grateful for the benefits of a sleep schedule. I'm sorry but when someone told me there's a way to actually get some sleep with a newborn, I opted in for that immediately. Especially because I know sleep is SO vital to babies' brain development and mom's healing (and sanity). According to Alice Callahan of Scienceofmom.com, “Sleep has been shown to be important for maturation of infants’ brains and consolidation of their memories. Several studies have shown that babies with more efficient nighttime sleep (greater percentage of time spent asleep during the night) had higher cognitive scores.”  All that to say, I put a lot of intentional time into creating and maintaining a gentle-- not rigid-- schedule that allowed my babies to learn to fall asleep independently, sleep for longer periods at night, and wake up happy and well-rested. And a newborn sleep schedule can work for you too.

9 Expert Hacks For Starting A Newborn Sleep Schedule

1- Get Mentally Ready And Have A Plan I've heard a lot of moms say they decided to start sleep training, so one night they just put their baby down in the crib to sleep and stepped outside the room. Of course, baby started wailing right away. Then the moms were confused, anxious and stuck wondering what to do next. It was so unsettling having no idea what they did wrong, and whether or not they should go in now... in 5 minutes... or try cry it out? Instead of getting stuck in that position, research your plan before starting a newborn sleep schedule. If you need help getting started on an easy, proven plan, grab my free guide "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule." Click here to download 2- Be Consistent Once you pick a plan, stick to it. You can be flexible, but if you flip back and forth between having a schedule and not having a schedule, you'll be like a pre-schooler picking out ice cream flavors. Strawberry. No, vanilla. Actually, I want blue bubble gum. Noooo, I wanted strawberryyyyyyyyy!!!! You're going to drive yourself and your baby nuts. Worse, you won't see many gains in the sleep department because your baby will be as confused as you are. It's ok to deviate from your plan at times as you adjust to your baby. Go with your mom gut if you have to feed and it's only been an hour, or if they sleep right through when you thought you'd try some tummy time. Just try to get back on track so the majority of the time, you're staying consistent. Babies thrive with consistency and routine. 3- Just Start If you're past the 3-week-old baby mark, it's not too late to start. Begin slowly and plan out your days to see where you might be able to shift things into a routine. It make take a few days, or a couple weeks in some cases, for baby to fully adjust, but you'll see the benefits of an infant sleep routine soon.

If you don't know where to start you can grab my free guide "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule" 4- Pay Attention To Your Baby's Cues Your baby has a voice. They will communicate with you the only ways they can, which is through crying and body language, called newborn sleep cues. It may come as a surprise that your baby's cries aren't all the same. If you pay attention, you will soon learn that one cry means "I'm starving," one means "I'm tired," and another means, "I'm hurt," to name a few. Babies are different. Your baby may show different signs of tiredness or hunger than your friends' children. For example, signals such as rubbing eyes or ears, yawning, or turning their face away are all sleep cues. Some babies may show many of these while others only show one. Learn as much as you can about your baby's unique voice and cues-- it will help you meet their needs SO much more quickly! RELATED: EVERY MOM WHOSE BABY NAPS WELL KNOWS THESE 15 NEWBORN SLEEP CUES 5- Lay Baby Down Awake It's important to help babies learn to fall asleep on their own. This is a gradual process and not a rigid demand. During the first few weeks baby is home, holding and snuggling them when they're asleep won't derail your routine. But after about three weeks, babies start to perk up and become more sensitive to their environments. That doesn't mean that if you allow your child to sleep on you after three weeks that you're "spoiling" them. They need lots of snuggles. But if you want them to be able to sleep through the night at an early age, you'll want to start helping them learn that they can fall asleep without being next to a warm body.

Welcome to the chaos!

Solving Newborn Sleep Schedule Issues:

6- Don’t Start At Night One huge mistake I see new moms making is to start a sleep schedule at night, before making any adjustments to their day. An easy bedtime experience starts by laying the groundwork throughout each day with a gentle, consistent routine. That way, when it comes to bedtime, your baby is already primed for another nap... except this time it's an elongated night of sleep. It takes time for baby to adjust to a routine, but as she does, you'll start to notice her night feeds getting further and further apart. For the exact routine you can use starting today, grab my free guide "How To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule. Click here to download 7- Discover Why Baby Is Unhappy Babies cry to communicate. If we feed them every time they cry, we may be missing what they are trying to say. Newborns typically eat every two hours or so, though they could be hungry earlier, or go a bit longer between meals if they've been napping. If you just fed them, go through this list to see what else could be bothering them before trying to feed them again: Check to see if baby is: Too hotToo coldWet diaperTummy ache or gasSomething stuck on them like a piece of mom's hair (this drove my oldest nuts once)Finger or toe stuck inside clothesNeeds to burpOvertiredSwaddle came looseNeeds pacifierHealth issues such as a temperature, cough or a runny nose. You may be able to solve your baby's issue without feeding them so soon after a previous feed. This will help you get them on a more regular eating routine. It will also give you a break from constantly nursing, whether day or night. Of course, if your baby is hungry, feed him or her! Trust your mom instincts, and if you feel there's a serious problem, don't hesitate to call their pediatrician or dial 9-1-1.

8- Capitalize On The Sucking Reflex And Use A Pacifier Many new moms wonder whether to introduce a pacifier when baby is first born because they don't want to confuse the baby. However, I found pacifiers to be super helpful and to not cause any confusion at all. Babies have a natural sucking reflex from 0-3 months, and many babies love the comfort of pacifier. It helps them drift off without having to be attached to mom. When it's time for bed or nap, I would swaddle my girls up, pop in a pacifier, and put them down awake (but drowsy). They usually went right to sleep, especially after we'd been on a routine for a few days/weeks. You might have to pop the paci back in a few times as they fall asleep, but it's worth a bit of effort up front to help them learn to nod off without a warm body next to them all the time. 9- Limit The Time Between Each Feed Sleeping too long during the day leads to shorter "naps" during the night. Be sure to wake baby before they've taken too long of a nap. This will really help to lengthen night sleep! Don't let your baby go more than about 3 hours between feeds during the day in the first month, or 4 hours after 4 weeks of age. This will help them lengthen out night sleep like nobody's business!

INFANT SLEEP SCHEDULE SUPPLIES LIST:

It's time to start feeling way more rested, don't you think? You don't need many supplies to get started. In fact, you probably already have everything on this list: Swaddle blanketPacifier Clock ( I used my phone timer) Notepad or app (I recommend the app BabyMama for tracking feeds) A Plan (You can download my free guide below!)

How To Start A Newborn Sleep Schedule- Free Guide

If you're ready to reap the benefits of a newborn sleep schedule, don't miss my free guide "How to Start An Infant Sleep Schedule" so you can start your baby's routine off in the best way possible! Click here to download

The "Newborn Sleep" Series

This is the sixth post in my "Newborn Sleep" Series. Be sure to check out the other posts in the series and stay tuned for new additions! When Is The Best Time To Start An Infant Sleep Schedule? How To Start A 3-Week-Old Baby Sleep Routine 7 Newborn Baby Schedule Mistakes To Avoid 17 Insanely Powerful Tips For Getting Newborn To Sleep At Night Baby Never Sleeps? You Might Be Missing These 15 Newborn Sleep Cues How To Start A Newborn Sleep Schedule: 9 Expert Hacks +Free Download (This Post) Read the full article

[hrrytomlinson]

here are a bunch of fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of june. I recommend that you read these great fics in july, if you haven’t already!!

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)

1. Your Mess Is Mine (176k)**

Louis is the father to the most brilliant little boy in the world who is all Louis really needs, or at least that's what he tells himself. Harry is a gorgeous boybander fresh off a two year break and a massive scandal that's left him a little broken and more than ready to move on.

They fall in love.

2. If I Had Three Wishes (They’d All Be For You) (66k)*

When Harry Styles sets off for Provincetown, MA from his tiny hometown of Kerkhoven, MN, he’s facing an uncertain future. He’s always planned to leave, just...not like this. When he meets a gorgeous cabaret performer on his first night in P-town, little does he know how his life is about to change, or how much he has yet to learn. When they become more than just friends, Louis makes it clear he's not looking for anything serious, but at least, Harry consoles himself, they’ll always be friends. Over one extraordinary summer, Harry learns to navigate life on his own through a journey of self-discovery and sexual awakening. But when Harry’s past tragically reappears in his life, will his friendship with Louis be able to hold on?

3. Do Not Go Gentle (70k)*

When Harry Styles starts his first day as a surgical intern, he expects a lot of things: to treat patients, to observe a surgery, to feel a bit overwhelmed. What he definitely doesn't expect, however, is that the handsome guy he kicked out of his bed this morning is also an intern.

A Grey’s Anatomy AU where tensions are high, Harry and Louis are hooking up in secret, and no one has time for love. Or do they?

4. Maybe We’re Perfect Strangers (39k)

When an EDM festival in the Caribbean touts itself as a “life-changing and transformative experience,” Harry’s not too sure he buys into it. Regardless, Harry wants nothing more than to please his best friend, so he goes along for the ride. What he doesn’t expect is to fall head over heels for the festival’s organizer who Harry discovers is also the object of his best friend’s affections.

In which it takes three days under the tropical sun for two men to fall in love.

5. Through Eerie Chaos (102k)**

For as long as anyone can remember, Old Hillsbridge Manor has always been believed to be haunted. Everyone in the village agrees and keeps a respectful, fearful, distance. New in town after a bad breakup and an internship that led to disappointment rather than a permanent job, Harry Styles figures taking pictures of the decrepit building could be a great new creative project. Or at least a much-needed distraction while he searches for a job and crashes at his parents’ new house. No one warned him about the apparitions though; about the music, the laughter, the people who flicker and vanish when you call after them, the echoes of a past that should be long gone… Harry has never believed in spirits but even he can admit that there’s something weird going on. What starts as mere curiosity evolves into a full-blown investigation and soon enough, Harry finds himself making friends with an aristocrat from the 1920s and struggling with finding the best way to tell him that he’s dead.

The Ghost Hunter AU where Niall lives to prove ghosts are real, Zayn is a skeptical librarian and Harry gets caught up in a century-old mystery and catches feeling in the process.

6. Got the Sunshine on My Shoulders (124k)**

Five years ago, Harry Styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn't have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.

Now, Harry has everything he could possibly want: he's rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. But when said boyfriend proposes to him, he's forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and Louis, who's spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers Harry sent him. 

(or, an au based on the movie sweet home alabama.)

7. The Sweetest Incantation (40k)

Harry has been alive for decades, and yet he's never been as confused and dumbfounded. He's a witch, for God's sake. Can't get much weirder than all the magical things he's experienced throughout his lifetime. Never in a million years, however, would he have expected to be mere inches away from a hybrid.

Or Harry is a witch who's still working on developing his powers and Louis is a werecat who falls into his life and turns it upside down.

8. For Reasons Unknown (37k)**

Six years after dying, Louis is suddenly thrust back into the life he'd lost. Support Group is supposed to help him adjust to everything that's changed but he finds the experience sadly lacking. Well, except there is one curly-haired lad that's there too. He kind of makes it worth going. 

9. Mutability (108k)**

Harry and Louis meet in a book club. Life and fiction have their parallels.

10. Fool’s Gold (55k)

Leaflet for Over Again Inc.

“In relationships, there are three types of people: those who are happy, those who are unhappy but accept it and deal, those who are unhappy and in denial.

Handling this last category is our job: we are professional couple breakers.

To reach our goal, we use all means necessary.” 

Or the Arnacoeur AU in which Harry is scheduled to be married to Liam in 10 days and Harry’s mother hires Louis and his team to break them up.

11. Barefoot in Blue Jeans (24k)*

AU. Louis Tomlinson is trying desperately hard not to fall for his son’s au pair, but he can’t, for the life of him, remember why. 

12. A World We’ve Only Heard (6k)

So, where are you headed?” Liam asked, not wanting to sit in awkward silence for their journey.  It was twelve hours to Chicago, and that was far too long to sit and not chat with his fellow passenger in front of him.

“Chicago,” he answered, his blue eyes meeting Liam’s own.  “It’s home.  Been on the road for quite some time now, it’s the first time I’ll be able to sleep in my own bed in almost a month.”

Liam whistled.  “You must be pretty excited.”

The man gave a soft smile, which made him look younger than Liam initially expected; he might even still be in his twenties.  He wondered what kind of a life this man had led to look so tired until he smiled.

Or, it's 1951, Harry is the owner of a music shop, and Louis is a traveling salesman making his way back home.

13. Your Serve (4k)*

“Didn’t know you were that good, Lou,” Liam chuckled, wiping his brow, “Looks like I actually have some competition.”

Louis grinned, blowing on his nails, “Who’s up next?” He asked, as if he hadn’t just handed Liam his arse.

Harry bit his lower lip, still watching from his place on the plush burgundy leather sofa. Niall was beside him, flicking through some game on his phone. Louis smacked the paddle loudly against his hand and Harry felt something inside of him clench. His throat went dry, and his eyes pulled to where Louis was still smacking the damn paddle against his hand. He chewed on his bottom lip, watching the paddle smack, watching Louis look so casual and so coy. Harry shifted uncomfortably on the couch.

Louis picked up on his movement, pointing the paddle right at him, “What about you, Haz? You up for a good spanking?”

Or, the one where the boys take up playing ping-pong back stage, and the image of Louis with a paddle is making Harry's life difficult; even more so when he comes home to find Louis' bought a ping-pong table of their own.

14. The Wonderlands (150k)**

"Somewhere between chaos and control — these are the wonderlands."

Harry's daughter, Andy, is signed to Louis' girl band. Her path to success is marked by competition, chaos, and for Harry, a love affair.

15. What Could Have Been (2k)

Louis tries to loosen his tie from the chokehold it has on his neck. It’s really hot in here, but he doesn’t think anyone would appreciate it if he started taking off his clothes. Maybe it’s the number of people, all wool suits and hot breath, filling the amphitheater as they wait for the Grammys to start that’s got Louis feeling like it’s hard to breathe. Or maybe it’s who else is here tonight, sitting three rows up and looking even better than Louis remembers.

Harry.

Louis knew him once. Loved him. Still does if the flutter in his chest at the mere sight of him can be believed. If only Louis hadn’t thrown it all away.

find more fic recs here

[acomplexjourney]

Residency begins

I have now completed the first six weeks of my family medicine residency and am happy to report that everything is so far, so good. I survived four weeks of internal medicine, two weeks of family medicine, and am now fortunate to get a breather with two weeks of vacation. Here’s a snapshot of the beginning of my residency:

Internal Medicine

My first rotation was internal medicine, which consisted of caring for adults in the hospital. There was one attending physician, two residents, and two medical students on the teaching service. As a first-year resident, I had a cap of five patients for whom I was responsible. Surprisingly, I met that cap for most of the month of July. I had no idea that so many cases of pneumonia occurred during the summer. Here is what a typical day looked like for me:

4:30 AM- wake up

5:30 AM- arrive at hospital, pre-round on my patients, pick up new patients

7 AM- rounds with the attending physician

9 AM- work on progress notes

10:45 AM- daily safety check

11 AM- finish notes, update patient census summaries, order morning labs

12 PMish- lunch (you eat when you can on IM, there are no scheduled breaks)  

1 PMish- admissions from the ER start (again, not a defined time)  

6 PMish- sign out to night resident, go directly to gym

7 PM- dinner, watch Scrubs

8 PM- catch up on email, get ready for next day

9 PM- sleep

Repeat x5

I learned a lot, but it was a pretty exhausting month. The attending hospitalist physicians worked seven 12-hour shifts in a row, and then got seven days off. The residents worked six 12-hour shifts in a row and then got one day off. The only silver lining of the intense IM schedule at my program is that there are only a handful of weekends I am on-call for the rest of the year. When you’re on IM, you just accept that you have no life outside the hospital for a month.    

Sundays were the worst, because I was the only resident in the hospital with the attending physician. I was still only expected to see five patients, but what made it tough was that after rounds, EVERYTHING went to me. Questions from the nurses, outpatient calls, new admissions, etc. There was one Sunday I almost lost it. I was behind on my progress notes and trying to finish up documenting an outpatient call. Then, I had to stop to answer another outpatient call and as I was on the phone, two nurses walked up to my desk. The moment I hung up the phone, one asked if I could change a medication order for one patient. The other informed me that the Bair Hugger I had ordered for another patient because he was hypothermic could only be used in the operating room and I had to order a different warming blanket instead. I almost got up and screamed in my low, monotone voice, but instead I took a deep breath and informed the nurses that I was busy at the moment, but would take care of their requests soon.

Now, don’t get me wrong. The nurses at my hospital are actually awesome and some days they are busier than the doctors I think. There were just times that I felt overwhelmed, which is normal for anyone who is new to a job I think. I was lucky to have many people watching my back at least, including my awesome senior resident who never minded when I inundated him with questions, clinical pharmacists who double-checked all of the residents’ medication orders (which is a super good idea), and attending physicians who literally did my work for me at times when I got behind, so I wasn’t behind anymore. It was a challenging month, but I do feel like I learned a lot and it could have been a lot worse. Hey, only five more blocks of IM to go!    

Advice for other residents: although it is tempting to sleep all day and do laundry on your one-day off a week, try to get out of the house and do something fun! ¾ of my Saturdays off, I visited family in Rochester and the other Saturday, I went to a pool party hosted by one of the attending physicians.    

Family Medicine

After four weeks of 70+ hour weeks on IM, I thought I was going to get two less-stressful weeks of outpatient family medicine, but that was not the case. It turned out that the attending physician I was working with was also covering a drug rehab facility during that time because the other doctor was on vacation. That meant that I was also covering the drug rehab facility, which was not fun to say the least. The patients I met there were often manipulative and it was really hard to say whether many of them would ever get better. I guess every physician deals with this in his/her own way, but for me it was helpful to simply remember that if Jesus returned to Earth today, those addicted to drugs and alcohol would be among the first he would go to I believe.

I have also started to see my own patients in the resident clinic and that HAS been fun. I have already had 22 of my own patient visits, which is pretty terrifying and cool at the same time. I did not do very well with my very first clinic patient. Even though I had seen lots of patients in the clinic as a medical student, there was something very different about introducing myself as “Dr. Brach” and knowing that I was now in charge of this patient’s care. Of course, it did not help that my first patient presented for “anxiety” and I was pretty nervous too. There were a lot of awkward pauses as we talked and I felt like the patient left the office more anxious than when she came in. I did successfully refill her anxiety medication for another 30 days though, so we’ll see if she returns. Since then, I have become more confident with seeing my own clinic patients, but am now struggling with time. It’s difficult to see a patient on your own, present them to your attending physician, and then go back in with your attending physician to wrap up the visit, all within 30 minutes. And that will eventually become 15 minutes when I am a third-year resident! Still, I am hopeful that I will become more efficient as time goes on in a way that does not compromise patient care.  

That’s all for now. Stay tuned next week for a post about avoiding burnout.

[lolcat76]

Folie A Deux, pt 5.

Short update, but here you go. Thanks again to @wearecylons for the advice and the gentle nudging.

Bill stared at the phone resting on his kitchen counter, trying to decide whether it would be a good idea to call Laura. On the one hand, she had to be mentally drained from last night's conversation; on the other hand, maybe being drained from last night's conversation meant that she'd appreciate a distraction. Maybe not a distraction from him, but a distraction nonetheless. He wouldn't push her, he promised himself. He'd merely make the offer. If she wanted to do it, she would. If she wanted to see him, she would. He wasn't offering anything other than friendship, and the chance to get back into the world that he refused to believe she didn’t miss. At least, he wasn’t offering more right now. If the time came that they moved past friendship into something more, well, that was just fine with him. He wasn't going to beg for it and he wasn't going to try to force her into it. He was just going to give her a friendly nudge in what he hoped was the right direction. He smiled a little bit at the idea. Friends with Laura. They'd been strangers, then adversaries, then reluctant partners, then lovers. He'd never actually considered her a friend before, but now that he was rolling the word around in his mind, it had a nice ring to it. Friends.

He could be her friend. He wanted her to be his. Decision made, Bill picked up the phone and tapped a few keys to redial her number. "Hey. You busy today? You owe me for buying pizza last night, and I need a favor. And, just so you know, you're not going to like it."

*** She had a class to teach at 10, and Grace needed her lunch packed, so she smacked the button to silence her alarm, heaved herself out of bed and headed for the shower. A quick look in the mirror - dark circles and stained teeth -  told her that she was definitely a little worse for the wear from last night. It had seemed like a good idea to confide in Bill, to really talk to someone, after a slice of pizza and a pint of light beer. Seemed like less of a good idea when she got home alone and sat on the couch with a bottle of pinot noir and a box of kleenex, replaying their conversation over and over again. Was she punishing herself? Bill certainly seemed to think so. She twisted the knobs in the bathtub and stepped underneath a spray that was just a little too hot, trying to steam out the red wine hangover, and trying to scrub out her regrets with floral body wash and a net sponge. As her skin turned from ivory to bright red, she realized that punishing herself wasn't exactly a new trick. She shut off the taps and wrapped herself in a fluffy towel, ignoring the bright red streaks on her arms and legs where she’d scrubbed enough to anger her skin. Laura was twisting her thick hair up into a bun when the phone rang, and the shrill ringtone startled her so much that she knocked her water glass off the bathroom counter and right onto her foot. It was going to be that kind of day. "Dammit! Hello?" she snapped. Bill. Of course it would be Bill. She raised her eyebrow at the sound of his voice, and the other eyebrow shot up to join the first when he warned her that he was going to be asking her to do something she wasn't going to like. God help her if he wanted her to sit down and rehash more painful topics. She didn't have enough wine or a strong enough liver to get through another night like last night. "I will concede that I owe you a favor, Mr. Adama, but I refuse to agree to anything blindly." He sighed, but she could hear the grin hiding underneath his dramatic show of exasperation. "You refuse a lot of things, lady. Maybe you should say yes sometimes and see what happens." Funny. Well, thank God he hadn’t lost his sense of humor. "All right, yes. Yes, I refuse your favor." She paused for a second, then continued in her most chipper yoga teacher voice, "Well, would you look at that. I said yes, and just like that, I have you out of my hair for the rest of the day. You were right, Bill. I am going to say yes more often." This time the sigh wasn't just for show, and she choked back a snicker at his obvious irritation. "Hear me out,” he said. “Can you at least say yes to that?" She looked at her watch, then at her mottled skin. She needed at least another 15 minutes to make herself look presentable, then a good ten or so to get Grace out of bed, five to throw together a lunch, and a good half hour to follow Grace around the upstairs bathroom and her bedroom and generally annoy her into being on time to leave the house. That didn't leave much time for listening to Bill's proposal. "You have three minutes, Bill, then I'm hanging up on you and not answering your calls until at least tomorrow. Possibly later, depending on what you're planning to ask.” He paused long enough to cut into a precious six seconds of his time, and Laura knew he was debating whether or not to make an inappropriate comment. Eight years ago, he wouldn't have hesitated. Eight years ago, she would have egged him on. Today, she was fully prepared to hang up on him. "Jack has a late lunch today. Some sort of Philly bigwigs that need their asses kissed extra hard to cough up money for the spring season, so he can't take the flowers rehearsal from 1-4. He asked me to do it, but...Laura, I gotta be honest with you. I don't give a shit about the flowers, but I know you always liked that one.  And I know you know the choreography and the timing of the music better than probably anyone in this city, so what do you say? Help an old friend out and join me for the rehearsal?" It was her turn to let an awkward silence stretch between them. Her old friend Bill? Is that what they were now? Better that than her old ex whose heart she broke, she admitted silently to herself. Better than the ghost from her past who wanted her to relive things she couldn’t face. Better to give him an inch, before he took another eight years. "I'll agree, on one condition." "Of course there's a condition." She snorted at that but opted to ignore the comment. "You have to promise me that Jack knows nothing about this favor and will know nothing about this favor. I'm serious, Bill. I do not want to work for Pennsylvania Ballet." "I can promise you that he won't hear about it from me." "In that case, you have a deal." She agreed to meet him in the early afternoon and clicked the button on the phone to end the call. Her morning beginning yoga class would go on as scheduled, but she had to call Tory to take over the afternoon classes.

Tory was going to be pissed. Well, Tory had been pissed at Laura for one reason or another for the better part of the last three years, so one more day wasn’t going to hurt anything. She tapped on the phone and started reorganizing her schedule.

Seven hours later, Grace was tucked into a corner of the studio with her homework, and Laura and Bill were walking through the paces of the Waltz of the Flowers. Bill wasn’t wrong, she hated to admit - the flowers was her favorite variation in the Nutcracker. The corps dancers were red-faced and sweating, panting for breath after running through the intense 12-minute piece three times in a row. A few of the younger dancers looked a little green around the gills. Something that the glowing reviews never mentioned in ballet - occasionally, the dancers suffered for their art, and the stage managers suffered even more by throwing out trash cans filled with vomit.

Better to push them now and get them ready to handle the intensely aerobic variation than to watch them shove each other out of the way in the wings during opening night. Not that she would be watching - she’d be in her seat in the audience, pretending that she had no idea about the blood, sweat and stomach cramps that went into the performance.

Still, she was here to help, so while Bill yelled at them about holding their positions and hitting their marks, she pulled some of the younger dancers aside and walked them - very, very slowly - through their choreography. She corrected mismatched arms, shifted positions and counted very deliberately over the music until the dancers each entered the stage precisely on the proper note. Through it all, she had to fight to keep from casting a glance over her shoulder at Bill. Bill, who was dressed in all black, standing in front of the studio with his arms crossed. Bill, who had never given a tinker’s damn about the right way to do things, but was keeping his mouth shut as she advised the corps to tuck in their abs, stretch through their fingers, and watch each other as they renverséd.

By the start of the third hour of rehearsal, she realized that Bill was doing little more than controlling the music playing through the studio’s stereo system or gesturing to the dancers to take the marks that Laura indicated. Even Grace had perked up, abandoning her algebra book in favor of watching Laura work through the geometry and physics of a professional performance.

She’d rather die than admit it, but this was the most fun she’d had in years. Teaching soccer moms the proper position for downward dog didn’t compare to this. Juggling schedules and doing laundry for Grace didn’t compare to this. She missed dancing onstage, absolutely, but working her way through the variation, correcting a misplaced foot or showing young dancers how to judge their spacing without relying on the mirrors...she loved it. Breaking down the intricacy of a challenging block of choreography into its most simple component parts, and watching the dancers figure out how to put them all back together...she loved that too.

Most of all, she loved that Bill just stood there, pausing and playing the music, and let her completely take over his rehearsal.

Maybe there’s something for me here. She tried to quash the thought, but it wouldn’t go away. It just echoed, louder and louder in her head, until she couldn’t hear the music above the thoughts ringing in her ears.

She caught a glimpse of the clock out of the corner of her eye. Five minutes before 4pm, five minutes before Bill would be back in a smaller studio with Grace and David and the kid who played Fritz. Three hours had flown by, and she still had so much to do. The third group was struggling to keep their spacing, and Sharon Agathon, the Dewdrop Fairy, was still not maintaining her spacing in her sequence of fouettés.

Then again, maybe it was better to quit while she was ahead. Karl seemed to have fond memories of their time together at ABT, but Sharon still looked at her like Laura was just waiting for the right time to throw her under a crosstown bus. Old grudges died hard, if they died at all.

Still, Sharon was sloppy with her arms. She’d make a note of it and pass it on to Bill, and then go about her business. She took a step back and nodded to Bill, passing off the final five minutes of rehearsal to him while she gathered her thoughts. He reminded the corps dancers to take corrections to heart and released them to whatever else their schedules held until their long Nutcracker day was done at 7pm.

She had big plans to find a coffee shop and nurse a soy latte and scone while Grace was in rehearsal, but as Grace shoved her purse and her phone in her hand, she felt someone’s eyes burning into the back of her head. Turning toward the door of the studio, she caught a glimpse of Jack’s white hair hovering over the dancers who were shoving their way out.

Dammit. They’d had a deal, and he’d broken it. She shot a glare at Bill, and he shrugged.

She was going to kill him, just as soon as she had a second alone with him. He pointed at Grace, then at the door. Message received. She wouldn’t get the chance to kill him until after Grace’s rehearsal. Very well, she could wait. Laura shoved Grace along, reminding her niece to call her when rehearsal was done. She’d deal with Bill after she had a few hours to herself with her coffee and her irritation. 

She was halfway out the building’s front door when Jack called her back. She debated pretending not to hear him. Knowing Jack, though, she had no doubt he’d follow her down the street and ruin a perfectly good soy latte. She straightened her shoulders and turned.

“Don’t you have a rehearsal or something?”

“Or something. Perks of being the boss...people wait for me, not the other way around.” Jack waved toward his office. “Come with me.”

Dammit. She was going to kill Bill. She followed Jack, dragging her feet as much as her dignity would allow.

She settled into the chair across from him, meticulously arranging her purse at her feet and her coat across her lap. She smoothed her hair, tucking it behind her ears, and then, finally running out of ways to avoid looking at him, she folded her hands over her coat and met his eyes.

“You finished?” he said with a raise of his eyebrows.

She nodded primly. “Yes.”

“Good. Then I want you to tell me what you know about insurance.”

Insurance? She repeated the word in confusion. He wanted to talk about insurance? She knew a hell of a lot about insurance, particularly life insurance, health insurance, and disability insurance, but she didn’t think that Jack of all people needed the particulars on any of those things. Longing glances to the unopened pack of cigarettes on his desk aside, he looked healthy enough to her.

“Yes. insurance. Like say, if you owned a yoga studio, and you had a stranger come in and lead a class, wouldn’t you be concerned about liability insurance if she did something that injured one of your students?”

Ah, that kind of insurance. “I wasn’t-”

Jack held up his hand. “You were. And if you’re going to be in my studio, working with my dancers, you’re going to fill out some paperwork and you’re going on my payroll.”

She pressed her lips together and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to work for you, Jack.”

“You already are working for me, Laura. And very well, I might add, but you’re going to do it according to my rules. And on my insurance policy.”

She pushed herself out of the chair and started gathering her belongings. “It won’t happen again.”

“Dammit!” Jack slammed his hand against his desk, making Laura jump in surprise and drop her purse. “It will happen again, because you like doing it, and if you’d just stop being so fucking stubborn, you could keep on liking doing it and GET PAID FOR IT.”

Her mouth hung open at his outburst, and he finally cracked a smile at her complete astonishment. “Ask my assistant for the adjunct paperwork and have it filled out and on my desk before you leave tonight. As for your schedule, I’ll leave that up to my associate artistic director to determine.”

“Your associate…”

“New guy. Bill Adama. Kind of an asshole, but I think you’ll like him. Now,” he said, as he headed toward his office door, “if you’ll excuse me, I have better things to do with my time than argue with an employee.”

She followed him out the door, still a little shocked and confused. He stopped at his assistant’s desk and muttered a few words to her, then turned back to Laura. “On my desk before you leave.”

She took the packet of papers his assistant held out to her with a vague smile and nod. She was definitely, definitely going to kill Bill Adama.

Once the paperwork was done and dutifully dropped on Jack’s desk, she had nothing to do but pace and stew. If there was one thing she absolutely hated, it was being backed into a corner, and here she was, completely trapped by Bill and Jack. By the time Grace and her fellow dancers came laughing out of the studio, she had worked herself into a full, raging temper. She shoved her way into the studio and slammed her purse and coat onto a chair.

“We had a deal, jackass!” she shouted.

Bill, to her frustration, barely reacted to the animosity in her tone. “We did,” he agreed mildly. “I told you Jack would never hear it from me that you were here. And he didn’t. I never promised that he wouldn’t see you here.”

“I. Do. Not. Want. To. Work. Here.” she hissed through clenched teeth.

“Then don’t,” he said with a shrug. “Nobody’s forcing you to be here.”

“Oh, Laura, please do me a favor. Oh, Laura, I need your help with the flowers,” she mimicked in a singsong. “What do you call that?”

“A request. Which you agreed to. I didn’t force you, or blackmail you.”

She wasn’t sure she’d agree to the no blackmail thing, but his reasonable argument did take a little of the wind out of her sails. “Why is it so hard to understand that I don’t want to be a part of this anymore?” she asked, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.

“Why is it so hard to understand that you do want to be a part of this? It’s the Nutcracker, Laura, not the end of the world. You like the Nutcracker.” She snorted at that, and he fought back a chuckle as he continued. “Ok, you don’t hate the Nutcracker. You like teaching. You like being annoyingly precise about technique and proper terminology. You like being in the studio. Tell me, what about all of this is such a great tragedy to you?”

She collapsed on the marley floor of the studio and absently rubbed at one of the streaks left behind during rehearsal. “It’s just...Bill, it’s so hard.” She winced at the petulance in her voice. God, she sounded just like Grace when she was asked to finish her science homework.

Bill settled next to her and nudged her with his shoulder. “This isn’t hard. What you’ve been through, that was hard. Raising a kid, that’s hard. This is the easiest thing in the world, if you’ll just let it be.”

She wasn’t sure if they were still talking about ballet, and she was too afraid to dig into it deeper. Laura gave him a thin smile. “You think it’s easy now. Keep in mind, you’re the one Jack wants to be in charge of my schedule.”

“Is that all? Lady, you already do everything I say, the first time I ask. Easiest damn job I ever had.”

She smacked him lightly on the arm, then settled in against him, taking a little bit of comfort from his solid warmth. “I don’t know how to do this again, Bill.” This time, she was positive she wasn’t just talking about ballet.

“Stick with what you know, and we’ll figure out the rest as we go along.”

“That’s it?”

His face lit up as he grinned at her. “That’s it. It’s worked so far, hasn’t it?”

As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t argue. They were here, working together and making progress. He was smiling at her, and she no longer wanted to wrap one of Grace’s leg warmers around his throat and strangle him. “I’m not taking the Mother Ginger rehearsals, I can tell you that right now.”

He pushed himself off the floor, dusted off his pants, and reached out to help her up. He held her hands just a second too long. “We’ll discuss that later.”

“I’m not taking that stupid Mother Ginger rehearsal!” she shouted after him, and she could hear him laughing as he made his way out of the studio and down the hallway.

[apolliolio]

June 12th 2017 d

i walk to work. it takes me about 15 minutes to get there, so i get ready 30 minutes before my shift starts. it’s my second day of work today, so i hope it goes well. i’m pretty excited today since it’s monday and i’m working with angus again. today is the first day i work by myself at night, so i’m a bit nervous.

‘i hope remember to do all the stuff for closing today’, i thought to myself. i checked the time on my phone and it displays 12:30pm.

‘time to head out’, i decided.

today i’m wearing my white polo shirt and blue jeans. nothing fancy. just comfortable and suitable work attire. i’ll probably be meeting new people today, so i’ll try to be more open and introduce myself to them.

i walked out the door and locked it behind me. it actually only takes about 10 minutes to get there, but i plan ahead and leave 5 minutes extra in case i forget anything. i went on my usual path and arrive at the plaza within the 10 minutes. i take a left at the parking lot entrance. another left after the railings end on the ramp, walk straight for a bit and then a right turn into the motion detecting doors of the store. this isn’t the main entrance, but most people use this door since it’s right in front of the elevator going to the second floor of the plaza.

my eyes widen as i see what seems to be a sea of people at the 6 counters that are opened.

“beep, beep, beep, beep, beep”

the amount of beeping deafens my ears as i walked across to the other side of the store. the supervisor sees me and waves hello and i greeted her back. i look around and see angus hauling baskets into stacks and pushing them around to the entrance of the store.

i turn around to walk towards the staircase besides the main entrance and slowly walked up the stairs seeing that i still had about 7 minutes before my shift. i push open the second door on my right and open my locker. i picked up my steel toed shoes and changed into them and put away my normal casual-wear shoes. i throw my apron on and tie a knot behind me and i’m ready. i checked my pocket for my id in case i forgot to bring it; not that i would have time to run home and get it in time. and of course, i have it with me.

i hastily went to the washroom and checked the time before heading downstairs.

12:44pm

perfect timing. i skipped down the stairway and jogged over to the’ clock-in-and-out machine’ as i liked to call it. i pressed my card against the sensor and listened for a beep.

“beep”

good. i looked at the tiny screen and saw my name pop up with the time i clocked in.

daniel - 12:45pm

–

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnI-byHtMN0

–

just in time. i say hello to the supervisor again at the customer service counter and she acknowledges my gesture. i head over to the other side of the row of cashier counters and help out angus with basket collecting.

“yo man”, angus spoke in an enthusiastic manner.

“what’s up”, i replied in a friendly tone.

i walked around doing my routine tasks and the hours fly by really slowly. repeating tasks over and over again seemed to never end. i tried to talk with angus about random topics to make time go by faster, but it only worked to a certain extent.

i’ve been working here for about 2-3 days and i’m already tired of listening to the same songs they keep playing at the store.

‘ugh american pop songs are so boring’ i speculated.

“man, they need some kpop up in here. isn’t this an asian supermarket? why do they keep playing fricking american pop songs?”, i demanded next to angus.

“i don’t know maaaan, jpop would be good too you know..”, angus claimed in return.

i’ve known angus since high school and he’s still loves anime as much as he did back then. what a passion.

we continued picking up baskets and reacted to each pa announcement for general service requests.

i introduced myself to a few of the cashiers while i was at it and when they weren’t busy. they introduced themselves back to me and i got back to working.

my schedule went a little like this:

5:20pm - angus abandoned me

7pm - i went and brought the soup from the staff lunchroom into the kitchen.

8pm - i wiped the tables and counters down in the staff lunchroom and emptied the sink. it was pretty gross.

8:30pm - i went out with the reflective vest and pulled some shopping carts back to the entrance of the store while locking the cart stations in the parking lot. this allows me to count the amount of carts in each station without customers adding or removing any extra carts from the station.

9pm - i got the keys to lock the entrance and exit doors in front of the elevator side. i also needed to lock the windows of the store.

9:05pm - i grab a shopping cart and push it into the store. i take the bags of recycled bottles and the container and throw them all onto the cart for me to bring into the backroom later on. glass milk bottles in as well.

9:07pm - i turn off the light for the point redemption showcase near the main entrance. went to the service counter to grab the remote for turning off the led lights of the display and turn those off too.

9:10pm - returned the bananas from the service counter to the produce area.

9:13pm - while pushing my green shopping cart of returned bottles, i turned the lights off for the food shelves for the sushi bar, kitchen, cooked food, and the ready to eat cold food. 

9:15pm - cart pushed into backroom and bags emptied to the bottle return area. milk glasses put into the 3x4 cases in the packing room of the dairy/frozen department. smells like utter sewage in there.

9:20pm - rinsed the bottle return container with the hose in the janitor area. i exited from the door right in front of the janitor’s ‘room’ and initialed the paper for the public washroom in the appropriate date column.

9:25pm - i grab the signs from outside and bring them in and placed them in front of the pocky promotion area. i almost forgot about the signs, although it’s pretty obvious that they’re there.

9:30pm - open sign = off

i spend the rest of the remaining 15 minutes collecting the baskets left by customers and stack them in 10s and locked the carts outside at around 9:40pm. i go behind the service counter and take the binder with the cart/basket recordings for each day and wrote down the numbers for the day. it’s pretty cramped since there were the cashiers counting their money after the day’s work behind the counter while i was extracting the binder from the cupboard.

i finished up my shift’s work by signing the page for the closing shift behind the other cupboard beside the vacuums.

after all the closing stuff was done, i tapped out at 9:46. one minute of overtime yeahhhhhhhh

i was about to head up to the change rooms to grab my belongings when suddenly i heard a voice calling me.

“hey daniel! do you want to maybe…. go get shaved ice with us?”, the girl asked shyly.

i remembered this person. i introduced myself earlier to her along with her friend behind her.

“oh hey there, uhhh.. michelle? ummm… sure..?”, i responded in a somewhat surprised tone.

“sweet! sandy, aaron, henry, and i are going, so we’ll meet downstairs once you’re ready!”, she continued cheerfully.

“alright, i’ll be back in a jiffy”, i commented.

i climbed up the stairs and took a right at the second door, grabbed my stuff from my locker, threw my apron in, and switched my shoes. i rushed downstairs after turning off the lights and signing the papers required for the closing shift; hoping they won’t be tired of waiting for me.

i saw the 4 of them waiting for me besides the service counter.

aaron, the tall and bigger guy with the glasses.

henry, the tall guy with the good looks

sandy, the tall girl with the slightly tanner skin

and then there was michelle, the girl who i’ve had the most interaction with so far.

they all were wearing black outfits which was normal since that was the standard dress code.

they were chatting with each other while waiting for me and turned to me when i headed over to them.

“ready dude?”, aaron questioned.

“yep”, i said in return.

“leggo”, sandy casually added.

“ok!”, michelle announced in a calm manner.

we all headed out and strolled towards the dessert shop with the girls leading. it was about a block away from where we worked; still within the plaza. we didn’t really talk a lot, except about our day of work while on the way there.

once we arrived, we walked in and saw a couple of tables and a couple of couples sitting at the couple of tables eating a bowl of shaved ice together.

“wow neat place huh”, henry commented freely.

“it’s mango season, so i’ll get the mango one”, aaron said, already deciding his order.

“what should i get? uhhhhhh”, sandy asked herself.

“hey, what are you getting, daniel?”, michelle asked while looking at me, posing a question to me.

i looked up at the menu. hmm. everything was about $10, so i supposed being thrifty here doesn’t really help me decide. i searched the menu and randomly chose one.

“i’ll have the injeolmi bingsu”, i told the staff at the counter.

“ok, one bowl of injeolmi bingsu. is that all sir?”, the cashier replied.

“yes, that’s all for me.”, i answered politely.

i paid for my dessert item and the others did so after me. we all took a seat at a long table with seats aligned and started chatting about random topics.

“do you even know what you ordered, daniel?”, henry inquired me.

“uhhh.. about that.. no.”, i answered hesitatingly.

“i was actually thinking of going here with some people, but now i can see if it’s worth it first”, sandy randomly said.

everyone started chatting with each other and i sat there just listening to their conversations. they seemed to know each other really well. i guess they’ve worked here for a long time. after a bit of chatting, everyone was quieting down. i took this opportunity and presented a question for a topic to talk about.

i’m a huge kpop guy, so i know like  e v e r y t h i n g.

“anyone listen to kpop?”, i quizzed everyone.

“no. not really.”, michelle replied almost immediately.

her eyes were half shut and she seemed kind of bored. she looked away quickly when she saw me looking back at her.

“uh.. ok.”, i said.

she just completely ended my conversation before i could even start it…

our orders came and we all ate our own. it turns out that i got one with korean rice cakes on it. it was pretty good and chewy. the shaved ice melted in my mouth as soon as it touched my tongue. it was a really sweet moment. i talked a bit more with the guys as we ate and the girls mainly focused on savoring the dessert.

it was a fun night.

[fuck-customers]

Steakhouse server again.

I have so many fuck customer, fuck coworker AND fuck management stories in the year and a half that I’ve worked here lol but this is a recent one.

I was a double closer this day (only closing because this bitch who always calls out when she’s scheduled to close called out yet again, and they won’t fire her). It was my 10th hour working and I was exhausted. 30 minutes to close, I have 3 tables and am also trying to clean the back and check out other servers’ side work so they can go home. I get a fourth table of three older ladies who take 15 minutes to order because they can’t stop talking to each other long enough to look at the menus. Finally they do, two ladies order an appetizer each and the same seafood combo entree, and the third lady says “I want a baked potato and broccoli.” I assume she only wants a baked potato and broccoli and put the order in, quickly, because I have a lot of other shit to do.

I bring their food out, and as I’m giving the third lady her potato and broccoli, her friends say “thats all you got?” and she says “no I’ve got more food coming.” I’m like ...shit. I tell her “I’m so sorry, I misunderstood and thought this was all you ordered, but” and she cuts me off “I wanted the seafood they ordered and these were just supposed to be my sides.” You didn’t say that but okay. 95% of my customers say the complete name of the entree they want. I should’ve read the order back before I went to put it in, which is my fault, but I’m on hour 10 of this shift and I was in a hurry since y’all wanna have my cooks making your food at literally close, they have grills to clean and floors to scrub and have been here for 12 hours. But I’m very apologetic for my fault and tell her I’ll get it out to her in 7 to 8 minutes (seafood so it’s quick) and that we’ll also take care of it for free. She says “no, I don’t want it anymore.”

I have my manager go over there and talk to them. Manager comes back to me and says “she still doesn’t want the entree but ring it anyway because that’s the right thing to do here.” I do so. I go back to the table and tell the lady my manager is giving her the meal for free and it’ll be out soon. She gives me this ugly deadpan look and goes, “how does what you did make any sense? Why would I come hungry to a restaurant and order two sides? Are you having a bad night or are you always this slow?” I keep smiling because I’m dead inside lol and tell her “Again, I’m very sorry, a lot of customers actually do just order sides as their meal.” She says “don’t bring me that food.” Sorry! It’s still coming.

My manager takes the seafood combo out to her and somehow convinces her to keep it on the table. But the next time I go back she’s literally not touching it. Perfectly good hot food as her friends are eating away. Bitch was acting like she starving when I brought her two sides lol but now she’d rather protest and sit there and look miserable to try and make me wallow in my mistake. Not gonna work! I’m only gonna smile more and be even more polite to your bitchassery.

Once her friends are done eating I ask if they want split checks and the third lady just says “Box” at me. Ok. I bring the box and only two checks because Ms. Protest’s meal is free. She says “Where’s my bill.” I say, for the third time, “My manager took care of it.” She rolls her eyes at me. Like oh I’m sorry did you *wanna* pay for this? Because I’m sure if I came to you with a $30 bill for the food you didn’t even want you would’ve thrown a whole ass fit.

As is the custom of the people who come in late as fuck and take their time after close, the two other ladies paid cash and left me $2 and $3 for tip. On a $100 bill. And Ms. Protest left the box of perfectly good seafood on the table after they got up.

What fucks me up about tables like this is that I work in a state that pays tipped workers $2.13 an hour. Somehow this is legal. I average $15 to $20 an hour on nights where I get lucky enough to have good tables or a good section, but when you come in and give me $5 on $100, I’m probably only taking $2 of that home, if that. I have tip out bar, bussers, food runners, and hosts, because this giant corporation can’t be assed to pay anyone $7.25 and makes me pay them instead. This doesn’t include what I get taxes on my tips, and I also frequently have to overclaim my tips because our posi’s assume that everyone who paid cash me tipped 15%, adds that on to my charge tips, and won’t let me claim any less.

I have constantly bothered management about the overclaiming, and for months they basically said “tough luck the computers are stuck that way there’s nothing I can do.” Only when I sent an email to corporate/the regional manager vaguely threatening legal action did my GM finally say “actually I can adjust it in the system the next day, or email payroll with what you really made and they’ll fix it on your stub if it’s after the pay period.” But the fact that *I* have to keep track and chase you down every time this happens... Most of the AMs don’t know how to do it and won’t learn, I have to remind them 5x a week before they sit on the phone with IT and get walked through it, only to claim they can’t remember how to do it the next time I ask.

When you don’t tip me, I’m working for free. I don’t see a paycheck most weeks that I serve because what little hourly I would’ve made gets eaten up by taxes. On nights when I’ve had back to back tables full of people like Ms. Protest and her friends, I’ve walked out of six to eight hour shifts with $20. When you come in five minute to close, sit around for forty five minutes and tip nothing, I’m staying an extra half hour to an hour doing the back of house work I couldn’t do while taking care of you FOR FREE.

My managers don’t care. All they care about is how high my checks average for bragging rights. I don’t get put in good sections as often most servers because 2/6 of the managers base my floor plan on my work ethic, but the other 4/6 don’t like that I’m not afraid to call them out when I’m being taken advantage of. They favorite the people who never complain, work ten days in a row, come in early and stay late, and even work off the clock.

I’m just not the fucking one y’all...lol. Only reason I stick it out is for those lucky good days, the fact that I need this job to stay in school, and the fact that once I figure out exactly what laws they’re breaking by forcing me to overclaim hundreds of dollars and paying me $2.13 for non tipped work, you better believe I’m hitting that ass with a lawsuit.

(By the way, if anyone or the mods know what exactly I can do legally here, I would appreciate advice. I know I need to keep better records of what they’re doing and I know them changing my records after the fact erases the evidence...but yeah, I wanna be ready when that day finally comes.)

[bnymedic]

First responder suicide – PTSD, or something else?

Its 1:30am. I sit on my computer in complete darkness, having just slept for the past 10 hours. As a Paramedic in a suburb of a relatively small US city, I work 12 hours shifts for 4 straight days. I get 4 days off to recuperate after that, and at this point in my career those days are essential for my survival. Many of my co-workers are not lucky enough to be able to stop at just 4 days, and must work additional overtime shifts in order to make ends meet. The private EMS industry has relatively low wages nationwide. We are the “red headed step child” of emergency services, often hiding in the shadows of police officers, firefighters, and nurses. There is no such thing as a “typical” shift when working in EMS. There are the occasional shifts where I will sit in the parking lot of the local convenience store chain for 12 straight hours without picking up a single patient. The glow of my cell phone screen illuminating my face for each passing person to see the life draining out of my body. The boredom sets in after hour 2.  My legs and butt hurt. I am hungry, but I can’t tell if its true hunger or just my body telling me to get up and move. I decide to walk inside to browse the aisles of colorful treats, getting nauseous at the thought of eating “lunch” out of a gas station at midnight for the 3rd day in a row. Despite my disgust, I walk outside with 2,000 or more calories of junk food at a time in an attempt to eat myself to death. “Ill be diabetic by the end of the week” I say to my partner as I open my fudge dipped granola bar. As the career of a first responder goes on, most quickly start to pack on the pounds like a bear preparing for winter. Company policy prevents you from sleeping during your shift, so your food (if you can call it that) is washed down with 16oz of your favorite energy drink to keep you awake and ready to pick grandma up off the floor when she attempts her 2am bathroom run. I have palpitations from all the caffeine. Hopefully one day those PVC’s turn into an arrhythmia and the lord takes me. “Anything to get out of this job” I say, as I polish off my second monster of the night.  Morning rolls around. 50mg of benadryl will help me fall asleep after drinking energy drinks all night long. I have severe shift sleep disorder. I am depressed. I just want to sleep. I wake up ready to go after just 4 hours of sleep. Great. Another night of pounding monsters. I punch in 15 minutes early for my next shift and am assigned a call before I am even scheduled to start. I am the only ambulance available in the surrounding 15 square miles of suburbia, and that trend will continue for the next 12 hours. Call after call, I don’t have time to finish my paperwork before being sent on the next run. Its 11pm and dispatch calls my unit number for the 5th time today– “With the fire department for a 1 year old post choking”. I have taken 50 calls of the same nature before and say out loud– “Great, another bullshit call”. Every day, nervous parents call 911 over the slightest cough or sniffle which eventually numbs you to the potential of a true pediatric emergency. Its never a real emergency. Until it is. Rolling up on scene after the fire department, I grab my house bag and begin to waddle towards the low income apartment building for the third time this week. I think – “I should have brought the tablet for a signature so I don’t have to walk back outside”. Suddenly, a firefighter rounds the corner carrying a limp child like he is holding an offering platter. “That’s not good” I blurt out , going from zero to 100 in the snap of a finger. The firefighter tells me the child was eating chicken and rice when he began to choke.  As my partner digs out the pediatric bag valve mask that has been sitting unused in the house bag for an unknown number of years, I set up the suction, only to find an unresponsive, apneic child with a clenched jaw. “That doesn’t make sense” I think to myself as I try to peel apart his tiny jaw without any luck. Thank god– he has a gap in his front tooth that fits a small, 12fr suction catheter. I start to go through the motions. Is he seizing? Nope. Any trauma visible or reported? No. Mom was asked again– and again says the child was sitting up, eating, and suddenly started choking. What is going on here? With little to be done on scene, I rush to the small local hospital, nervous that the next squeeze of the bag could lodge a piece of food in this kids airway. I am getting good air exchange but his spo2 isn’t amazing. He must have aspirated. Great news. He is now moving his arms, and his eyes just opened. Wait, why is his jaw still clenched? That’s not great news. This kid hasn’t made a noise. What the fuck is going on. As I roll the stretcher into the small emergency room closest to the scene, I am greeted with that dreaded sentence from the ER Physician– “why did you bring him here and not children’s hospital”.  I bite my tongue– its not the time to have that fight. The kid is now posturing. A few minutes go by and the doctor asks me to get my laryngoscope because the emergency room is not currently stocked with the proper pediatric equipment. Maybe he was right. The thoughts start rushing through my head– “they are going to kill this kid. I should have just risked it and bypassed. It was only an extra 7 minutes or so further”. As I sit there and wait for the next order, new thoughts take over. “Someone shook this kid. There is no other explanation”.  Hypertensive, bradycardic, posturing. But mom said he was choking on rice? Where would she get that from? Hmm. She doesn’t seem as concerned as a mother should be. She answers a text message while being questioned by the police.  She has yet to ask anyone how her son is doing. The texts start to come in to my phone. “Are you ok?”. “I hear you had a bad call. You guys ok?” “WTF was that all about?”. I am fine. Any provider who plans to have a lengthy career has to distance themselves from their patients. I can think back to every “bad” call I’ve taken, and never once have I been able to recall processing a patients face. Its not important. What they look like is irrelevant to my job. Its the circle of life. Some people live, some people die. Its my job to try and make that circle a little bit bigger if I can. Sometimes you are successful, sometimes you aren’t. You have to come to terms with that early on. Minutes after calling in service from restocking, the radio chimes my unit number again. “Cold response to the fitness center for a hand laceration”. I arrive on scene to find a psych standing out front in his blue paper clothes, clearly having been to an emergency room at least once today. “Hop on in buddy– take a seat” I say as I shake my head. We drive him 3 blocks down the street to the same emergency room we left just a couple hours prior. I am not greeted like one would expect. Not with “Hello”, not with “whats the chief complaint”. I am greeted with a sentence that is never good news. “Did you hear?”. Our child from earlier had been emergently transferred 6 miles away to the childrens hospital by a specialty transport team. The news from them was not good. “That kid – he has a brain bleed”. My suspicions were confirmed. He was never choking. Someone hurt this kid and tried to cover it up. I know how to handle this, because its not even the first time this situation has happened to me. People hurt kids often enough that I am not even shocked. Stories like this don’t make the news *for a reason*. People cant handle stuff like this. No one needs to know that savages live in apartment 3. Some people have to know though. WE have to know. Its not OK. I talk about suicide often. My previous partner was a veteran and has PTSD from being deployed overseas. He has had many friends commit suicide after returning from war, and was concerned about my mental health. That should concern me. He would ask me once a week– “Are you sure you are ok?”.  My little comments here and there come off as jokes to most people. “Id rather die than come into work tonight”. “Pull out in front of this semi truck– we wont feel a thing I promise”. “Stage for police? Fuck that. I hope I get shot”. In reality, its not a joke. I am not suicidal at this point in my life– I am apathetic about living. I’m not going to take my own life, but I am definitely not excited when I wake up each morning. This feeling has slowly crept up on me over my almost 10 year career as a paramedic. I tell myself daily that I need to get out before its too late. What will be the breaking point where I become truly suicidal?  I have to answer one question before I leave. “Where will I go?”   I am burnt out. Everyone says “go to nursing school”, but the passion– the fire inside that makes you want to help people has been extinguished for years. Where can you go at 30+ years old with a paramedic certification and no useful degree. I have made financial commitments at my age that makes starting from scratch somewhere at entry level wages an impossibility. What can I do? Where can I go? I am stuck. This job is like quick sand, and I’m up to my shoulders. If I struggle much more it will be above my head. We get to see what goes on behind the curtains of society. How much would you enjoy a magic show if you knew how the magic was performed? That is what life is like for many first responders. Members of the general public get to wear blinders during their day to day lives. There are people who post rants to facebook if the garbage man didn’t put their garbage can back in the correct spot. A terrible day for a typical person is a flat tire on the way home from work. They have no idea what happens in their town or city on a day to day basis. They have NO IDEA that 3 doors down, a husband beat the shit out of his wife for the 4rd time this year and she wont tell the police what happened. They have NO IDEA that people call an ambulance from the parking lot of an emergency room because they don’t want to wait in the waiting room.  They have NO IDEA that someone in apartment 3 just hurt their baby and tried to cover it up. But we know. We see it all. I have talked with a lot of people who have similar feelings. Its due to me being so open about my apathy towards life. People who I see every day, smiling at their coworkers and telling war stories and laughing. You would never guess these people were at the end of their ropes– fighting off their own demons. “Make sure they have bagpipes at my funeral”. I don’t try and talk these people down because they don’t want help. How could I help anyways? You cant just “un-know” the things we know. These people just feel comfort in the fact that they aren’t alone. I have been lucky that none of these people have taken their lives yet. I know the day is coming. Its been a long time since a co-worker has committed suicide, and the statistics say we are over-due. How will I handle it?

[darcyfarber]

46 Easy Ways to Get Money Quickly

  We all experience times when we need money now.  It might be an unexpected bill, having to replace your car prematurely, or a last-minute opportunity to take the trip of a lifetime.

Regardless of the circumstances, having to replenish your emergency fund is never a fun task. These suggestions can help you make money quickly to stay out of financial trouble.

You can pursue one or many of the following income ideas. Once you decide how much time you can commit each week for your new money making hobby, you can focus your efforts on what you excel at most.

Online Opportunities to Pursue When You Need Money Now

Making money no longer means having to work an evening shift at a restaurant for a couple months to make ends meet. That might be what our parents did, and what plenty of people still do, but we have one tool today that previous generations didn’t have: the Internet.

Finding side hustles online might be the first place you start for the following reasons:

You can name your own hours (no shift work)

Can still be home with your family while you work

No commute required

Online side hustles offer the most flexibility because you can work from anywhere with an internet connection. Think about this, an online side hustle I pursued two years ago even let me quit my job! ?

Do you need any more reasons why anybody should try making money online?

1. Take Online Surveys

Online surveys are one of the easiest ways to make money quickly. Most surveys take less than 15 minutes to complete. You won’t get rich from surveys, but they are an easy way to make money when you have a busy schedule. Surveys can be taken online or with a survey app on your phone in between errands, on a lunch break, or before you go to bed.

I participated in online surveys to make money as a student and to help repay my student loans. Personally, I enjoyed the variety of topics as I might rate a product I used recently one day and a current event survey the next day.

Money Tip: Survey Junkie is our favorite survey site and is the most user-friendly site for surveys. They also have a Trust Pilot rating of 4.5 out of 5 from users just like yourself.

  2. Sell Your Unwanted Possessions

One of the first places to start making money online is selling items you no longer need. You can try selling your items to an instant buyback vendor for immediate payments or selling the item yourself. Instant buyback vendors are more convenient, but you might not always get the most cash back.

But, if you need money now, you might not want to risk having your item sit for two months before it sells.

Some of the online marketplaces you might consider are:

OCBuyBack (Used Cell Phones for the most cash)

Decluttr (Electronics, CDs/DVDs, Video games)

BookScouter (Books)

ThredUp (Clothing)

In a matter of seconds, you can scan the item barcode using the vendor’s mobile app to get an instant buyback quote. When you’re ready to sell, you print off the prepaid shipping label and receive next-day payment after the vendor receives your shipment.

Some of the best DIY marketplaces to sell are Craigslist, eBay, and Amazon because they are high-traffic marketplaces with reasonable seller fees.

Tip: You can also sell used shoes for cash online too.

3. Get Paid to Use The Internet

Maybe surveys aren’t exactly your cup of tea, but you still want an online side hustle that requires minimal effort. You have two different options in this instance.

MobileXpression

MobileXpression is an app that pays you to use the internet. Each week, you receive credit based on the number of hours you use your phone’s internet. You can then request a cash payment.

You can download the MobileXpression app for your Android or iOS device.

Earning Station

Another popular online niche is “get paid to” sites like EarningStation. With EarningStation, you get paid to complete some of the following activities:

Surf the internet

Complete surveys

Watch videos

Play games

Sample products

Shop online

One reason to consider EarningStation is that you earn bonus points when you visit at least 10 days in a row. This “EarningStreak” opportunity is what helps set EarningStation apart from the others.

4. Shop Online and Get Paid

Even when you no longer need money now, you should still consider using a cashback app like Ebates or Honey. Every time you shop online, you have the chance to get money back and you don’t pay extra. Online shopping is very competitive and retailers offer cash rewards through these portals so they don’t lose a sale to the competition.

Instead of going directly to the retail website, open a shopping session with Ebates and you’re all set. In most cases, you can expect to receive your cashback email before you go to bed.

You will need to wait a month before you can cash out your earnings, so you will still want to pursue another income stream, but cashback apps are an effortless way to get cashback on every purchase.

Money Tip: Install the browser extension to make sure you never forget to activate a shopping session. And, learn more about how Ebates works.

  5. Sell Unwanted Gift Cards

You might have a few gift cards in a drawer collecting dust. If you’re not going to use them, sell them for cash on Giftcard Granny. In many instances, you can get instant cash payment that you can immediately withdraw via PayPal or Direct Deposit.

To save some cash when you shop online, you can also use Giftcard Granny to buy gift cards at a discount. You also earn rewards points that can be exchanged for free gift cards too.

I’ve also sold a few Amazon gift cards online and it’s very easy and the sale proceeds can be in your account tomorrow when you sell your unwanted gift cards today!

6. Freelance Online

This can be one of the most lucrative income ideas. After all, many people have eventually replaced their full-time income by freelancing online. Although it might start as a one-time gig, you will earn a steady income if you stick with it. Trust me, I’m living proof!

You can freelance in almost any industry, but there’s always a demand for:

Graphic design

Music

Programming

Social Media

Virtual Assistant

Writing

You should create a profile on Upwork and Fiverr to begin connecting with clients. Upwork might be the better option because you can apply for jobs. To earn more per job, also keep your eyes open to pitching clients.

Tip: On Episode 80 of the Money Peach Podcast, learn how Kayla earns more than $10,000 a month by being a “jack of all trades” virtual assistant with her $10K VA course. Use the discount code PEACH to get $50 off too.

7. Sell Customized Gifts

On CafePress, you can also sell custom t-shirts, drinkware, stickers, and home decor with your unique designs. This is one of the easiest ways to design clothing and gift ideas because you upload the design and CafePress handles the printing and shipping when an order is made.

8. Teach English Online

Teaching English online to international students can be the perfect side hustle opportunity if you want to work before your children wake up or after bedtime. VIPKid is one of the leading online classrooms. To get started, you need a webcam, microphone, and a love for teaching.

Most of these online teaching sites require you to have a teaching degree or prior classroom experience.

9. Tutor

It’s also possible to tutor online or locally. Tutor.com is one place to try so you can tutor students of all ages and any subject. Being able to tutor advanced classes and the “hard sciences” is a definite advantage too.

10. Proofread

If you have an eye for detail and can spot typos from a mile away when you read the news or visit a restaurant, you might find your calling as a proofreader. Several proofreading companies require prior experience, but you can also get your foot in the door at Cactus Communications or freelancer platforms including Upwork and Fiverr.

11. Transcribe Audio Recordings

Do you excel at dictation? Audio transcriptionists put sound recordings to paper. With sites like TranscribeMe, you transcribe one or two-minute recordings on a variety of topics. If you have medical or legal experience, you can make extra money transcribing these recordings that require a professional background.

12. Create an Online Course

With Udemy, you can create a video course to teach others something you’re an expert in. Your video can be teaching computer coding, cooking skills, making a craft, or anything else in the Udemy course catalog. You collect a royalty for each course purchase and you can easily create new courses to continue earning residual income.

13. Test Websites and Apps

Another fun way to make money online is testing websites and apps. UserTesting is one of the most popular testing platforms. Each test takes up to twenty minutes to complete and you make $10. At that rate, you make $30 an hour for testing websites!

To become a tester, you will need a computer or app that has a functioning webcam and microphone. You are given a series of tasks to complete during the test and you verbally share your thoughts as you complete each task.

14. Lucktastic

Lucktastic can give you a break from your other side hustles. This app is an instant win game where you can scratch multiple tickets each day and potentially win cash prizes. If you need money now, you should still pursue other recommendations that provide a guaranteed income first.

Make Money Locally

You should also consider making money within your local community. After all, not everybody wants to stare at a computer screen to make extra income. If you enjoy being on the move or have handy skills there are plenty of ways to have a gig without working a regular shift.

Also, ask your friends and family if they have any potential clients. Word of mouth referral is always one of the most effective forms of advertising.

15. Be a Rideshare Driver

It seems like you see cars with Uber and Lyft stickers in the windshield more frequently. If you own a four-door vehicle, you can make some extra cash in your free time driving passengers from point A to point B. You can name your own hours and choose which ride requests to accept.

The highest demand for rides is usually on the weekends and during rush hour, but you can also earn a steady income driving in mid-day too.

You will need to be at least 21 years old to drive and pass a background check. Many rideshare drivers drive for Uber and Lyft to pick the best available route at the moment. You’re an independent contractor and aren’t restricted to only working for a single company.

Tip: New drivers often have the chance to earn a signup bonus with both Uber and Lyft!

16. Deliver Food

Many restaurants are moving away from hiring an in-house delivery team. While many pizza joints are still looking for drivers, restaurants are partnering with UberEats or DoorDash to offer delivery service for online orders. Once again, you have the flexibility to deliver during your free time and choose the days and hours.

The requirements for being a food delivery person are more relaxed than being a rideshare driver. You’re not required to have a car, for example, because you can deliver by bike, scooter, or foot.

17. Deliver Groceries

You can also sign-up to be an Instacart grocery shopper. The most lucrative option can be working as a full-service shopper because you shop for the order and deliver it to the buyer. If you don’t own a car, you can also be an in-store shopper who gathers the order so the buyer doesn’t have to walk the aisles.

18. Get Cashback on Grocery Purchases

Each time you shop at grocery stores, you can get cashback with Checkout51. By activating offers and scanning your receipt, Checkout51 gives you a cash reward for every redeemed offer. These cash rewards are in addition to any paper coupons you might clip, and you can potentially double your savings.

Checkout51 publishes their newest offers every Thursday. Once your account balance reaches $20, you can request a cash payment.

Tip: You can still earn bonus cash on every item you purchase with National Consumer Panel too. It available for both mobile and desktop.

19. Rent Your Spare Bedroom

You can also make money by listing your spare bedroom or a second house as an Airbnb host. An increasing number of travelers prefer staying at Airbnb because it’s typically more reasonable than most hotel rooms and it’s a more enjoyable experience. Airbnb will help you through the listing process so you can begin taking guests and putting your vacant real estate to good use.

20. Be a Handyman

If you enjoy working with your hands or completing projects around the house, you can be the neighborhood handyman at TaskRabbit. You can get paid to perform some of the following tasks:

Assembling furniture

Basic home repairs

Installing TVs and appliances

Moving and packing

Pressure washing

Many homeowners don’t have the time or skills to perform these tasks and you can be there to lend a helping hand.

21. Babysit

By joining Care.com, you can get paid to:

Babysit

Housekeeping

Pet care

Senior care

Tutoring

Caregivers are in high demand. Maybe you only need to babysit for date night or you can find a long-term client. Either way, you get paid to do what you love.

22. Deliver Phone Books

This job is seasonal, but it can be perfect if you only need to work for a few days. Neighborhoods all across the country still get a phone book delivered at least once a year. You can even get your daily exercise requirement in on delivery days too!

You can find local positions online to begin delivering phone books.

23. Pick Up Trash

You might find this income stream a tad bizarre, but you can make money picking up trash! Brian from Clean Lots has been doing it for thirty years and makes a six-figure income.

Business and shopping center parking lots don’t clean themselves. If you’re not afraid of getting your hands a little dirty, you can put some extra green in your wallet.

Tip: Hear Brian’s story on Episode 59 of the Money Peach Podcast.

24. Sell Your Clothes

You could do what you always do and hold a garage sale, or you can also try selling your clothes to a nearby consignment store. It’s less work and you might make more money! You can also use the same tactic for bulky household goods that are too expensive to ship to an online buyer.

Another option is to try selling your more valuable clothes online if you think you can earn more selling it yourself. Make sure you take good pictures and factor shipping prices into the equation too.

25. Flip Garage Sale Finds

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Some people might be selling their treasures at a discount because they need money now. By perusing garage sales and thrift stores, you can find bargains that can be sold online for a profit.

You can also scour the “Free” section on Craigslist for steals too. Once you figure out the average selling price of the items you plan to flip, shopping will be much easier and quicker.

You will need to find the system that works best for you to find treasures and the best places to sell them.

Every town has a different dynamic to find discounted items. One tip is to visit the thrift stores in the wealthier parts of your town as they are more likely to sell quality items at steep discounts. For example, you might be able to find designer clothing for a dollar that can be sold for $10 or more.

26. Wash Cars for Cash

You can offer to wash cars by hand by having a mobile car wash station or you can travel to a person’s house to wash the car. If you provide house calls or interior detailing, you need to provide your own cleaning supplies in addition to the car wash soap you use.

It’s also possible to offer exterior car waxing services to if you have the time and want to make some additional cash.

27. Pressure Wash Houses

Here’s one task that many homeowners neglect is pressure washing their home. Some people only pressure wash their homes when they get ready to sell it. You can advertise your services online or the old-fashioned way of knocking on doors.

To increase your chances of landing a job, take before and after pictures of a few homes that you pressure wash. Being able to show your clients visual examples of your quality work goes a long way.

28. Mow Lawns

You can also mow lawns and offer basic landscaping services to make money to while improving curb appeal for the homeowner.  This is a great idea to boost your income in the summer months when there’s more daylight and you’re probably outside already.

If you live in a region with significant snowfall, you can get paid during all four seasons to keep lawns and driveways in tiptop shape.

29. Clean Houses

Another way to make money any month of the year is to clean houses or places of business. You can find openings on Craigslist. For example, you might be able to clean vacation cabins on the weekends if you live near a touristy area. Or, cleaning services might also be looking for people to clean office buildings or industrial properties.

Depending on your personal network, you can also ask your friends and family if they know of anybody that needs help cleaning. Asking a simple question can help you find long-term clients or cleaning before somebody has company arrive to visit.

30. Donate Plasma

For two hours a week, you can make up to $400 a month by donating plasma and help save a life in the process. Plasma donation centers are in most large and mid-size cities. This can be your time to read a book, watch a movie, or pursue an online side hustle while you make a donation.

You get paid cash for each complete donation, but you need to donate twice (two one-hour sessions) before you get paid. This is because the donation center needs two separate donations so your plasma can be used to help others.

31. Participate in Paid Clinical Studies

Another option for making money locally is to participate in paid medical studies. You can find studies by searching for “paid medical studies near me” to find paid opportunities. You can also ask your local college or medical center if they are aware of any opportunities too.

When medical studies are available, you may have to be experiencing certain medical conditions. You will also need to be okay with being a “medical guinea pig” and testing new medications and treatment ideas.

32. Teach Lessons

All those piano lessons or karate lessons your parents paid for can finally be put to good use. You can teach a skill one night a week or multiple nights depending on how many students you have. Whether it’s music lessons, karate, gymnastics, or another talent you can teach individually or to a group, you can advertise locally to get students.

Once you decide what you can teach, you can advertise your services on Craigslist or also leave flyers at local businesses, community centers, or the public library.

33. Recycle Scrap Material

It’s also possible to make money recycling scrap material for cash. You can get cash for some of the following items you might have in your house:

Loose metal (i.e., sheet metal, copper, tire rims)

Appliances

Metal cans

Glass bottles

For larger objects like your old washer and dryer, you will need a truck and trailer to haul your scrap off. You can look online for scrap yards and recycle-for-cash facilities near you.

Immediately Cut Your Spending for an Instant Pay Raise

Are you ready to learn the secret on getting an immediate pay raise? Reduce your monthly spending.

For example, if you can spend $100 less each month than right now, you get an instant $1,200 indirect pay raise for the year. And, it might only take a few minutes to make a few quick changes to immediately begin saving money.

Besides using your free time to make money, you can also use these money hacks to instantly cut your spending. Another mantra you might take to hear is, “Spend less, work less.” By cutting your spending, maybe you don’t have to sacrifice your work/life balance to make extra money.

34. Cancel Unwanted Subscriptions with Trim

Do you know how you spend every dollar each month? Trim is a free app that analyzes your spending and cancels the unwanted subscription, especially those ones you’ve been meaning to cancel but haven’t because it’s only $10 a month and doesn’t pinch your wallet.

You can cancel subscriptions ranging from streaming plans like Netflix to gym memberships with a text message. Trim will also apply the best promotions to your cable tv, home internet, and cell phone plan so you don’t overpay for these services either.

Finally, Trim can also monitor your bank accounts and credit cards to make sure you don’t overdraft or forget to pay a bill.

35. Cancel Your Cable TV Subscription

The average cable tv bill costs $100 a month. You most likely have the internet at home, so you can watch the same channels for a fraction of the cost when you switch to a streaming service like SlingTV or Hulu.

Even better, you can completely cut the cord because you’re using your free time to launch a side hustle instead of watching tv. There’s nothing wrong with watching a movie or your favorite sports team from time to time, but tv doesn’t have to be your full-time hobby.

36. Switch Bank Accounts

This hack won’t give you more spending money, but you can avoid overdraft fees, monthly account fees, and earn more interest on your deposit. In addition to thinking about short-term ways to make money, you should also pursue long-term income streams to earn recurring wealth.

Best Savings and Checking Accounts RateDetails CIT Savings Builder2.05% APR$100 monthly deposit OR $25,000 account balance CIT Money Market Account1.75% APR $100 min opening deposit UFB Direct2.00% APR$0 min to open account. $10,000 minimum to earn full 2.25% Axos Rewards Checking Account1.11% APRNo overdraft or non-sufficient fund fees, unlimited domestic ATM fee reimbursements and no minimum balance requirements

37. Stop Going Out to Eat As Often

Food is a large portion of most people’s household budget. You might be spending more on food than you must because you go out to eat all the time. In many cases, you can make the same meals at home for a fraction of the cost. For a family of four, you can easily spend at least $40 for each restaurant meal.

If you don’t think it’s possible to feed a family on a budget, visit $5 Meal Plan. You can access delicious recipes that let you feed an army for pennies.

Why I Stopped Going to Restaurants

With my old job, I spent $20 every workday at restaurants or $5,000 a year. While I wouldn’t have recouped the entire $5,000 each year by cooking my own meals, I would have spent significantly less at the grocery store. After seeing how much money I could save by not going out to eat as often, I made the switch and instantly saved about $200 to $300 a month in food costs.

38. Rent Movies Instead of Buying

You might be trying to sell your old DVDs because you buy movies instead of renting them. Instead of buying moves for $15 each, you can rent movies for free from Redbox or even stream movies online for free too. Not only will you save money, but your movie collection will no longer collect dust.

39. Borrow Clothes Instead of Buying Clothes

Another area where it can be easy to overspend in clothing. Instead of buying name brand clothing in the mall, you might decide to rent designer labels from Rent the Runway. You can also find bargains at local thrift stores and consignment stores, but make sure you don’t buy something you really don’t need.

40. Ditch Your Permanent Life Insurance Policy

One of the worst “investments” an adult can make is buying permanent life insurance – aka Cash Value Policy. In most cases, the policy benefits are not worth the extra cost. Apply for a term life insurance policy instead that can be ten times cheaper than a permanent life insurance policy. Once you have your new term policy in place, cash out your cash value immediately!

41. File Price Protection Claims for Online Orders

You can already get cashback on every online purchase when you shop with a shopping app like Ebates and you can get additional cash back if the price drops after you make the purchase.

With Paribus, you can get free price protection notifications when a retailer drops the price on recent purchases. Paribus then submits the claim on your behalf, which means you don’t have to monitor for price changes yourself and then submit it.

Disclaimer: Paribus does compensate MoneyPeach when you sign up for Paribus using the links we have provided in this post. 

42. Earn Credit Card Rewards

Many people stick with debit cards because you’re still required to immediately pay for your purchases with cash. While you won’t go into credit card debt, you’re missing out on credit card rewards for cash back or travel rewards.

If you are going to use a credit card, make sure to pay them off in full so you don’t incur high interest payments. The best way to do this is to set a reminder to pay your credit cards in full once per week. If you don’t feel like paying them in full each week, then set up auto-pay so you never carry a balance.

Also, choose the best credit card rewards that fit your lifestyle. If you notice you spend most of your money at the grocery store and on fuel costs, then you may want to look at a card that gives you the highest cash back on those types of purchases.

Conversely, if you are someone who enjoys traveling, then it may be a good idea to look at cards that offer the best travel perks.

Check out Nerdwallet’s credit card reviews to help you choose the best option.

43. Save Your Spare Change

Maybe you’ve heard the tip of stashing all of your $1 bills in a savings envelope instead of keeping them into your wallet to spend on coffee and candy bars to easily save money for the future. The Acorns app makes it even easier to save and invest your spare change instead of spending it.

With each purchase, Acorns rounds up the purchase amount to the next dollar for every credit or debit card purchase. For example, a $4.25 purchase becomes $5 and the extra 75 cents is invested to build a small nest egg. You can also get extra cash investments by shopping online through Acorns retail partners too.

44. Stop Paying High Investing Fees

Each time you buy or sell a stock or ETF, your brokerage might charge up to $7 per trade. If you’re only investing small amounts of income at a time or are simply tired of paying hundreds of dollars in trade commissions each year M1 Finance is an option you should definitely give a look.

45. Refinance Your High Interest Debt

There are much better options for you instead of high interest credit card debt or any high interest debt for that matter. Borrowers are literally saving thousands of dollars in interest payments by trading their higher interest debt for a lower interest personal loan. The nice thing is you have so many more options than you did just a few years ago and with the competition for your business, your new interest rate could be much lower than what you have now.

Check our our favorite places to start for lowering your high interest debt.

46. Refinance Your Student Loans

If you have a mountain of student loans to repay, you can refinance the balance for a potentially lower interest rate. This is because you now have a job and your credit score has likely improved since you earned your diploma. Credible is a leader in student loan refinancing and they even offer job loss protection benefits and incentives for entrepreneurs too.

Summary

Instead of shrugging your shoulders and thinking you need to borrow money or do the “same old thing” when you need money now, try a few of these tips instead. You will make money and you even save money by making a few adjustments to how you utilize your free time.

    46 Easy Ways to Get Money Quickly published first on https://mysingaporepools.weebly.com/

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46 Easy Ways to Get Money Quickly

  We all experience times when we need money now.  It might be an unexpected bill, having to replace your car prematurely, or a last-minute opportunity to take the trip of a lifetime.

Regardless of the circumstances, having to replenish your emergency fund is never a fun task. These suggestions can help you make money quickly to stay out of financial trouble.

You can pursue one or many of the following income ideas. Once you decide how much time you can commit each week for your new money making hobby, you can focus your efforts on what you excel at most.

Online Opportunities to Pursue When You Need Money Now

Making money no longer means having to work an evening shift at a restaurant for a couple months to make ends meet. That might be what our parents did, and what plenty of people still do, but we have one tool today that previous generations didn’t have: the Internet.

Finding side hustles online might be the first place you start for the following reasons:

You can name your own hours (no shift work)

Can still be home with your family while you work

No commute required

Online side hustles offer the most flexibility because you can work from anywhere with an internet connection. Think about this, an online side hustle I pursued two years ago even let me quit my job! ?

Do you need any more reasons why anybody should try making money online?

1. Take Online Surveys

Online surveys are one of the easiest ways to make money quickly. Most surveys take less than 15 minutes to complete. You won’t get rich from surveys, but they are an easy way to make money when you have a busy schedule. Surveys can be taken online or with a survey app on your phone in between errands, on a lunch break, or before you go to bed.

I participated in online surveys to make money as a student and to help repay my student loans. Personally, I enjoyed the variety of topics as I might rate a product I used recently one day and a current event survey the next day.

Money Tip: Survey Junkie is our favorite survey site and is the most user-friendly site for surveys. They also have a Trust Pilot rating of 4.5 out of 5 from users just like yourself.

  2. Sell Your Unwanted Possessions

One of the first places to start making money online is selling items you no longer need. You can try selling your items to an instant buyback vendor for immediate payments or selling the item yourself. Instant buyback vendors are more convenient, but you might not always get the most cash back.

But, if you need money now, you might not want to risk having your item sit for two months before it sells.

Some of the online marketplaces you might consider are:

OCBuyBack (Used Cell Phones for the most cash)

Decluttr (Electronics, CDs/DVDs, Video games)

BookScouter (Books)

ThredUp (Clothing)

In a matter of seconds, you can scan the item barcode using the vendor’s mobile app to get an instant buyback quote. When you’re ready to sell, you print off the prepaid shipping label and receive next-day payment after the vendor receives your shipment.

Some of the best DIY marketplaces to sell are Craigslist, eBay, and Amazon because they are high-traffic marketplaces with reasonable seller fees.

Tip: You can also sell used shoes for cash online too.

3. Get Paid to Use The Internet

Maybe surveys aren’t exactly your cup of tea, but you still want an online side hustle that requires minimal effort. You have two different options in this instance.

MobileXpression

MobileXpression is an app that pays you to use the internet. Each week, you receive credit based on the number of hours you use your phone’s internet. You can then request a cash payment.

You can download the MobileXpression app for your Android or iOS device.

Earning Station

Another popular online niche is “get paid to” sites like EarningStation. With EarningStation, you get paid to complete some of the following activities:

Surf the internet

Complete surveys

Watch videos

Play games

Sample products

Shop online

One reason to consider EarningStation is that you earn bonus points when you visit at least 10 days in a row. This “EarningStreak” opportunity is what helps set EarningStation apart from the others.

4. Shop Online and Get Paid

Even when you no longer need money now, you should still consider using a cashback app like Ebates or Honey. Every time you shop online, you have the chance to get money back and you don’t pay extra. Online shopping is very competitive and retailers offer cash rewards through these portals so they don’t lose a sale to the competition.

Instead of going directly to the retail website, open a shopping session with Ebates and you’re all set. In most cases, you can expect to receive your cashback email before you go to bed.

You will need to wait a month before you can cash out your earnings, so you will still want to pursue another income stream, but cashback apps are an effortless way to get cashback on every purchase.

Money Tip: Install the browser extension to make sure you never forget to activate a shopping session. And, learn more about how Ebates works.

  5. Sell Unwanted Gift Cards

You might have a few gift cards in a drawer collecting dust. If you’re not going to use them, sell them for cash on Giftcard Granny. In many instances, you can get instant cash payment that you can immediately withdraw via PayPal or Direct Deposit.

To save some cash when you shop online, you can also use Giftcard Granny to buy gift cards at a discount. You also earn rewards points that can be exchanged for free gift cards too.

I’ve also sold a few Amazon gift cards online and it’s very easy and the sale proceeds can be in your account tomorrow when you sell your unwanted gift cards today!

6. Freelance Online

This can be one of the most lucrative income ideas. After all, many people have eventually replaced their full-time income by freelancing online. Although it might start as a one-time gig, you will earn a steady income if you stick with it. Trust me, I’m living proof!

You can freelance in almost any industry, but there’s always a demand for:

Graphic design

Music

Programming

Social Media

Virtual Assistant

Writing

You should create a profile on Upwork and Fiverr to begin connecting with clients. Upwork might be the better option because you can apply for jobs. To earn more per job, also keep your eyes open to pitching clients.

Tip: On Episode 80 of the Money Peach Podcast, learn how Kayla earns more than $10,000 a month by being a “jack of all trades” virtual assistant with her $10K VA course. Use the discount code PEACH to get $50 off too.

7. Sell Customized Gifts

On CafePress, you can also sell custom t-shirts, drinkware, stickers, and home decor with your unique designs. This is one of the easiest ways to design clothing and gift ideas because you upload the design and CafePress handles the printing and shipping when an order is made.

8. Teach English Online

Teaching English online to international students can be the perfect side hustle opportunity if you want to work before your children wake up or after bedtime. VIPKid is one of the leading online classrooms. To get started, you need a webcam, microphone, and a love for teaching.

Most of these online teaching sites require you to have a teaching degree or prior classroom experience.

9. Tutor

It’s also possible to tutor online or locally. Tutor.com is one place to try so you can tutor students of all ages and any subject. Being able to tutor advanced classes and the “hard sciences” is a definite advantage too.

10. Proofread

If you have an eye for detail and can spot typos from a mile away when you read the news or visit a restaurant, you might find your calling as a proofreader. Several proofreading companies require prior experience, but you can also get your foot in the door at Cactus Communications or freelancer platforms including Upwork and Fiverr.

11. Transcribe Audio Recordings

Do you excel at dictation? Audio transcriptionists put sound recordings to paper. With sites like TranscribeMe, you transcribe one or two-minute recordings on a variety of topics. If you have medical or legal experience, you can make extra money transcribing these recordings that require a professional background.

12. Create an Online Course

With Udemy, you can create a video course to teach others something you’re an expert in. Your video can be teaching computer coding, cooking skills, making a craft, or anything else in the Udemy course catalog. You collect a royalty for each course purchase and you can easily create new courses to continue earning residual income.

13. Test Websites and Apps

Another fun way to make money online is testing websites and apps. UserTesting is one of the most popular testing platforms. Each test takes up to twenty minutes to complete and you make $10. At that rate, you make $30 an hour for testing websites!

To become a tester, you will need a computer or app that has a functioning webcam and microphone. You are given a series of tasks to complete during the test and you verbally share your thoughts as you complete each task.

14. Lucktastic

Lucktastic can give you a break from your other side hustles. This app is an instant win game where you can scratch multiple tickets each day and potentially win cash prizes. If you need money now, you should still pursue other recommendations that provide a guaranteed income first.

Make Money Locally

You should also consider making money within your local community. After all, not everybody wants to stare at a computer screen to make extra income. If you enjoy being on the move or have handy skills there are plenty of ways to have a gig without working a regular shift.

Also, ask your friends and family if they have any potential clients. Word of mouth referral is always one of the most effective forms of advertising.

15. Be a Rideshare Driver

It seems like you see cars with Uber and Lyft stickers in the windshield more frequently. If you own a four-door vehicle, you can make some extra cash in your free time driving passengers from point A to point B. You can name your own hours and choose which ride requests to accept.

The highest demand for rides is usually on the weekends and during rush hour, but you can also earn a steady income driving in mid-day too.

You will need to be at least 21 years old to drive and pass a background check. Many rideshare drivers drive for Uber and Lyft to pick the best available route at the moment. You’re an independent contractor and aren’t restricted to only working for a single company.

Tip: New drivers often have the chance to earn a signup bonus with both Uber and Lyft!

16. Deliver Food

Many restaurants are moving away from hiring an in-house delivery team. While many pizza joints are still looking for drivers, restaurants are partnering with UberEats or DoorDash to offer delivery service for online orders. Once again, you have the flexibility to deliver during your free time and choose the days and hours.

The requirements for being a food delivery person are more relaxed than being a rideshare driver. You’re not required to have a car, for example, because you can deliver by bike, scooter, or foot.

17. Deliver Groceries

You can also sign-up to be an Instacart grocery shopper. The most lucrative option can be working as a full-service shopper because you shop for the order and deliver it to the buyer. If you don’t own a car, you can also be an in-store shopper who gathers the order so the buyer doesn’t have to walk the aisles.

18. Get Cashback on Grocery Purchases

Each time you shop at grocery stores, you can get cashback with Checkout51. By activating offers and scanning your receipt, Checkout51 gives you a cash reward for every redeemed offer. These cash rewards are in addition to any paper coupons you might clip, and you can potentially double your savings.

Checkout51 publishes their newest offers every Thursday. Once your account balance reaches $20, you can request a cash payment.

Tip: You can still earn bonus cash on every item you purchase with National Consumer Panel too. It available for both mobile and desktop.

19. Rent Your Spare Bedroom

You can also make money by listing your spare bedroom or a second house as an Airbnb host. An increasing number of travelers prefer staying at Airbnb because it’s typically more reasonable than most hotel rooms and it’s a more enjoyable experience. Airbnb will help you through the listing process so you can begin taking guests and putting your vacant real estate to good use.

20. Be a Handyman

If you enjoy working with your hands or completing projects around the house, you can be the neighborhood handyman at TaskRabbit. You can get paid to perform some of the following tasks:

Assembling furniture

Basic home repairs

Installing TVs and appliances

Moving and packing

Pressure washing

Many homeowners don’t have the time or skills to perform these tasks and you can be there to lend a helping hand.

21. Babysit

By joining Care.com, you can get paid to:

Babysit

Housekeeping

Pet care

Senior care

Tutoring

Caregivers are in high demand. Maybe you only need to babysit for date night or you can find a long-term client. Either way, you get paid to do what you love.

22. Deliver Phone Books

This job is seasonal, but it can be perfect if you only need to work for a few days. Neighborhoods all across the country still get a phone book delivered at least once a year. You can even get your daily exercise requirement in on delivery days too!

You can find local positions online to begin delivering phone books.

23. Pick Up Trash

You might find this income stream a tad bizarre, but you can make money picking up trash! Brian from Clean Lots has been doing it for thirty years and makes a six-figure income.

Business and shopping center parking lots don’t clean themselves. If you’re not afraid of getting your hands a little dirty, you can put some extra green in your wallet.

Tip: Hear Brian’s story on Episode 59 of the Money Peach Podcast.

24. Sell Your Clothes

You could do what you always do and hold a garage sale, or you can also try selling your clothes to a nearby consignment store. It’s less work and you might make more money! You can also use the same tactic for bulky household goods that are too expensive to ship to an online buyer.

Another option is to try selling your more valuable clothes online if you think you can earn more selling it yourself. Make sure you take good pictures and factor shipping prices into the equation too.

25. Flip Garage Sale Finds

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Some people might be selling their treasures at a discount because they need money now. By perusing garage sales and thrift stores, you can find bargains that can be sold online for a profit.

You can also scour the “Free” section on Craigslist for steals too. Once you figure out the average selling price of the items you plan to flip, shopping will be much easier and quicker.

You will need to find the system that works best for you to find treasures and the best places to sell them.

Every town has a different dynamic to find discounted items. One tip is to visit the thrift stores in the wealthier parts of your town as they are more likely to sell quality items at steep discounts. For example, you might be able to find designer clothing for a dollar that can be sold for $10 or more.

26. Wash Cars for Cash

You can offer to wash cars by hand by having a mobile car wash station or you can travel to a person’s house to wash the car. If you provide house calls or interior detailing, you need to provide your own cleaning supplies in addition to the car wash soap you use.

It’s also possible to offer exterior car waxing services to if you have the time and want to make some additional cash.

27. Pressure Wash Houses

Here’s one task that many homeowners neglect is pressure washing their home. Some people only pressure wash their homes when they get ready to sell it. You can advertise your services online or the old-fashioned way of knocking on doors.

To increase your chances of landing a job, take before and after pictures of a few homes that you pressure wash. Being able to show your clients visual examples of your quality work goes a long way.

28. Mow Lawns

You can also mow lawns and offer basic landscaping services to make money to while improving curb appeal for the homeowner.  This is a great idea to boost your income in the summer months when there’s more daylight and you’re probably outside already.

If you live in a region with significant snowfall, you can get paid during all four seasons to keep lawns and driveways in tiptop shape.

29. Clean Houses

Another way to make money any month of the year is to clean houses or places of business. You can find openings on Craigslist. For example, you might be able to clean vacation cabins on the weekends if you live near a touristy area. Or, cleaning services might also be looking for people to clean office buildings or industrial properties.

Depending on your personal network, you can also ask your friends and family if they know of anybody that needs help cleaning. Asking a simple question can help you find long-term clients or cleaning before somebody has company arrive to visit.

30. Donate Plasma

For two hours a week, you can make up to $400 a month by donating plasma and help save a life in the process. Plasma donation centers are in most large and mid-size cities. This can be your time to read a book, watch a movie, or pursue an online side hustle while you make a donation.

You get paid cash for each complete donation, but you need to donate twice (two one-hour sessions) before you get paid. This is because the donation center needs two separate donations so your plasma can be used to help others.

31. Participate in Paid Clinical Studies

Another option for making money locally is to participate in paid medical studies. You can find studies by searching for “paid medical studies near me” to find paid opportunities. You can also ask your local college or medical center if they are aware of any opportunities too.

When medical studies are available, you may have to be experiencing certain medical conditions. You will also need to be okay with being a “medical guinea pig” and testing new medications and treatment ideas.

32. Teach Lessons

All those piano lessons or karate lessons your parents paid for can finally be put to good use. You can teach a skill one night a week or multiple nights depending on how many students you have. Whether it’s music lessons, karate, gymnastics, or another talent you can teach individually or to a group, you can advertise locally to get students.

Once you decide what you can teach, you can advertise your services on Craigslist or also leave flyers at local businesses, community centers, or the public library.

33. Recycle Scrap Material

It’s also possible to make money recycling scrap material for cash. You can get cash for some of the following items you might have in your house:

Loose metal (i.e., sheet metal, copper, tire rims)

Appliances

Metal cans

Glass bottles

For larger objects like your old washer and dryer, you will need a truck and trailer to haul your scrap off. You can look online for scrap yards and recycle-for-cash facilities near you.

Immediately Cut Your Spending for an Instant Pay Raise

Are you ready to learn the secret on getting an immediate pay raise? Reduce your monthly spending.

For example, if you can spend $100 less each month than right now, you get an instant $1,200 indirect pay raise for the year. And, it might only take a few minutes to make a few quick changes to immediately begin saving money.

Besides using your free time to make money, you can also use these money hacks to instantly cut your spending. Another mantra you might take to hear is, “Spend less, work less.” By cutting your spending, maybe you don’t have to sacrifice your work/life balance to make extra money.

34. Cancel Unwanted Subscriptions with Trim

Do you know how you spend every dollar each month? Trim is a free app that analyzes your spending and cancels the unwanted subscription, especially those ones you’ve been meaning to cancel but haven’t because it’s only $10 a month and doesn’t pinch your wallet.

You can cancel subscriptions ranging from streaming plans like Netflix to gym memberships with a text message. Trim will also apply the best promotions to your cable tv, home internet, and cell phone plan so you don’t overpay for these services either.

Finally, Trim can also monitor your bank accounts and credit cards to make sure you don’t overdraft or forget to pay a bill.

35. Cancel Your Cable TV Subscription

The average cable tv bill costs $100 a month. You most likely have the internet at home, so you can watch the same channels for a fraction of the cost when you switch to a streaming service like SlingTV or Hulu.

Even better, you can completely cut the cord because you’re using your free time to launch a side hustle instead of watching tv. There’s nothing wrong with watching a movie or your favorite sports team from time to time, but tv doesn’t have to be your full-time hobby.

36. Switch Bank Accounts

This hack won’t give you more spending money, but you can avoid overdraft fees, monthly account fees, and earn more interest on your deposit. In addition to thinking about short-term ways to make money, you should also pursue long-term income streams to earn recurring wealth.

Best Savings and Checking Accounts RateDetails CIT Savings Builder2.05% APR$100 monthly deposit OR $25,000 account balance CIT Money Market Account1.75% APR $100 min opening deposit UFB Direct2.00% APR$0 min to open account. $10,000 minimum to earn full 2.25% Axos Rewards Checking Account1.11% APRNo overdraft or non-sufficient fund fees, unlimited domestic ATM fee reimbursements and no minimum balance requirements

37. Stop Going Out to Eat As Often

Food is a large portion of most people’s household budget. You might be spending more on food than you must because you go out to eat all the time. In many cases, you can make the same meals at home for a fraction of the cost. For a family of four, you can easily spend at least $40 for each restaurant meal.

If you don’t think it’s possible to feed a family on a budget, visit $5 Meal Plan. You can access delicious recipes that let you feed an army for pennies.

Why I Stopped Going to Restaurants

With my old job, I spent $20 every workday at restaurants or $5,000 a year. While I wouldn’t have recouped the entire $5,000 each year by cooking my own meals, I would have spent significantly less at the grocery store. After seeing how much money I could save by not going out to eat as often, I made the switch and instantly saved about $200 to $300 a month in food costs.

38. Rent Movies Instead of Buying

You might be trying to sell your old DVDs because you buy movies instead of renting them. Instead of buying moves for $15 each, you can rent movies for free from Redbox or even stream movies online for free too. Not only will you save money, but your movie collection will no longer collect dust.

39. Borrow Clothes Instead of Buying Clothes

Another area where it can be easy to overspend in clothing. Instead of buying name brand clothing in the mall, you might decide to rent designer labels from Rent the Runway. You can also find bargains at local thrift stores and consignment stores, but make sure you don’t buy something you really don’t need.

40. Ditch Your Permanent Life Insurance Policy

One of the worst “investments” an adult can make is buying permanent life insurance – aka Cash Value Policy. In most cases, the policy benefits are not worth the extra cost. Apply for a term life insurance policy instead that can be ten times cheaper than a permanent life insurance policy. Once you have your new term policy in place, cash out your cash value immediately!

41. File Price Protection Claims for Online Orders

You can already get cashback on every online purchase when you shop with a shopping app like Ebates and you can get additional cash back if the price drops after you make the purchase.

With Paribus, you can get free price protection notifications when a retailer drops the price on recent purchases. Paribus then submits the claim on your behalf, which means you don’t have to monitor for price changes yourself and then submit it.

Disclaimer: Paribus does compensate MoneyPeach when you sign up for Paribus using the links we have provided in this post. 

42. Earn Credit Card Rewards

Many people stick with debit cards because you’re still required to immediately pay for your purchases with cash. While you won’t go into credit card debt, you’re missing out on credit card rewards for cash back or travel rewards.

If you are going to use a credit card, make sure to pay them off in full so you don’t incur high interest payments. The best way to do this is to set a reminder to pay your credit cards in full once per week. If you don’t feel like paying them in full each week, then set up auto-pay so you never carry a balance.

Also, choose the best credit card rewards that fit your lifestyle. If you notice you spend most of your money at the grocery store and on fuel costs, then you may want to look at a card that gives you the highest cash back on those types of purchases.

Conversely, if you are someone who enjoys traveling, then it may be a good idea to look at cards that offer the best travel perks.

Check out Nerdwallet’s credit card reviews to help you choose the best option.

43. Save Your Spare Change

Maybe you’ve heard the tip of stashing all of your $1 bills in a savings envelope instead of keeping them into your wallet to spend on coffee and candy bars to easily save money for the future. The Acorns app makes it even easier to save and invest your spare change instead of spending it.

With each purchase, Acorns rounds up the purchase amount to the next dollar for every credit or debit card purchase. For example, a $4.25 purchase becomes $5 and the extra 75 cents is invested to build a small nest egg. You can also get extra cash investments by shopping online through Acorns retail partners too.

44. Stop Paying High Investing Fees

Each time you buy or sell a stock or ETF, your brokerage might charge up to $7 per trade. If you’re only investing small amounts of income at a time or are simply tired of paying hundreds of dollars in trade commissions each year M1 Finance is an option you should definitely give a look.

45. Refinance Your High Interest Debt

There are much better options for you instead of high interest credit card debt or any high interest debt for that matter. Borrowers are literally saving thousands of dollars in interest payments by trading their higher interest debt for a lower interest personal loan. The nice thing is you have so many more options than you did just a few years ago and with the competition for your business, your new interest rate could be much lower than what you have now.

Check our our favorite places to start for lowering your high interest debt.

46. Refinance Your Student Loans

If you have a mountain of student loans to repay, you can refinance the balance for a potentially lower interest rate. This is because you now have a job and your credit score has likely improved since you earned your diploma. Credible is a leader in student loan refinancing and they even offer job loss protection benefits and incentives for entrepreneurs too.

Summary

Instead of shrugging your shoulders and thinking you need to borrow money or do the “same old thing” when you need money now, try a few of these tips instead. You will make money and you even save money by making a few adjustments to how you utilize your free time.

    46 Easy Ways to Get Money Quickly published first on https://justinbetreviews.tumblr.com/