#script analysis and criticism

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Movie Night (Clip of the scene here)

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[godmademeinmspaint]

Going to say this now even though I barely post here::::: Adaptations are never meant to be a 1:1 recreation of the original source material. The goal is never to recreate the exact same experience in a different format, the whole point of remaking something in a different format is to make something new.

I don’t understand why people are out here acting like the new Netflix ATLA walked onscreen, shot the original with a 44 and declared itself the new ATLA. I’m not saying you can’t criticise anything about it or any other adaptation, I just think a lot of people need to remember that an adaptation that gives you the same experience and explores the exact same themes and doesn’t elaborate on or look at things in different angles would be utterly pointless.

[emblemxeno]

Why are FE fans so toxic and hostile to Fates story fans or anyone with 'wrong opinions' on gameplay or story, in possibly the most subjectively-driven JRPG series on the market?

What gets me is how they try to enforce this idea of an absolute consensus and that anyone who questions it or sees it differently is to be excluded, and I have no idea imagining what motivates that kind of zero-sum thinking other than a deeply immature fandom. What do you think?

On the whole I think it's less so that most FE fans are toxic themselves, but most are quite apathetic to the very loud minority of actually immature and rude people, therefore it comes across as a much bigger issue than it would be otherwise.

Like, yes, it's still a small number of people making mean comments, but in combination with sites like Reddit that encourage mini popularity contests, the fact that believing Fates' story is irredeemable garbage is only a moderately exaggerated widely held belief means that often the side in favor of bashing the game's writing has more soft support.

That said, part of what matters is approaching it in the first place, which has its pros and cons. Obviously there's a short term rush from trolling people who clearly take things seriously on a conditional/subjective basis, but that comes at the cost at people not giving you the time of day going forward.

Approaching the issue with a blanker slate theoretically means less hostility, but in practice (at least for me), you start to run into the incredibly bull-headed group of people who are immovably within the camp that Fates was written badly and no kind of interpretation can save it. They'll say it nicely, but it's still effectively a proud admission that some plots aren't worthy of their engagement for one reason or another.

I've fallen off on interacting with the FE fandom on anything other than here, mainly because of the sense of, like, "definitive consensus" on what makes a quality game in the series becoming rampant and suffocating, that any uncommon belief or theory that wasn't in the specifically designated "hot takes" threads or whatnot, were met with nonchalant "man if only this was done better in [X] way" or "[Y] character deserved to be in a better game" and blah blah blah.

Needless to say, it's been pretty chill not feeling the need to really interact with the main big boys in other forums anymore.

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Can't send asks from my sideblog, but this is @chewing-the-drywall

I feel like much of s2 fell into Frenchie's "we put it in the box and then lock it and don't open it again" in the sense that it set up A LOT that I was intrigued about how they would address it, but it either never was mentioned again or was handled poorly.

Examples range from light, like how I wish we saw more of the crew interacting with each other in ways that built on their characters from S1, where in S2 they didn't feel any more developed, or even regressed. (Example, Fang used the word Fingies 2-3 times through S2, and it felt like they were using it almost as a shorthand for his character, rather than making him feel more real and multidimensional as a character.)

100% @chewing-the-drywall. When I first heard that line I had I was so excited for the story to prove Frenchie wrong. Or show how important it can be to put aside problems to stay alive in the moment. But in the end, this one line summarized how the season handled everyone, besides Stede and Ed. Below, is an in depth discussion on where this season decided to spend it's limited amount of time. Instead of focusing on the characters and plotlines they'd already established.

This season had so MANY ideas it wanted to touch on.

Izzy trying to deal with his unrequited love and opening up to a new way of living. The traumatized 'Revenge' crew trying to adapt to a softer way of life again. The abandoned crew learning how to help their traumatized friends. Introducing new characters like Zheng, Auntie, and Archie into our main group. Setting up a conflict to resolve in season three. Along the way, referencing Pirates of history like Ned Low, Mary Reed, and Anne Bonny.

Notice, I've said all this and we're not even at our romantic leads.

Which is fine. Stories are fluid things. As long as the story knows how to flow from our leads to our side characters. Which leads us to how I feel this show took a lot of time away from establishing our central crew-

[Warning- this will be a controversial opinion- I want to know what y'all think about this] Zheng/Oluwande. This seasons habit of retreading old plotlines and referencing scenes from S1.

What S1 did so well was paralleling the side stories with what was going on with Ed/Stede. Usually, highlighting how well Stede/Ed worked by showing how much Ed/Izzy DIDN'T work. Or general hijinks that tied into the plot (Oluwande and Frenchie on the French ship).

Season 2 chose to parallel our main story with what was going on between Zheng/Oluwande as a budding romance and Izzy's slow recovery. The reason Zheng/Oluwande scenes felt like a waste for me in that the story was JUST a retelling the story we watched from S1.

A frustrated first mate(Auntie), and a legendary captain(Zheng) fighting over the captain falling in love with an idiot(Olu). In season 2, much like every callback for me, it felt like it slowed down the plot by pulling us out of the story. Like...yeah, you did the thing again, do you want me to applaud you for it?

I LIKE Zheng and Oluwande as a couple! I like that Oluwande was debating leaving Stede and taking Jim and Archie with him. But at the same time, I didn't care about Zheng until episode 7 when she beat up Stede, showing that yes. She's not just some all powerful woman taken down by a mix of love(the crew in ep3) and thinking that she was above it all (ep 7). She's fast on her feet, smart, and willing to stab someone who gets in her way. She's her own person. But.

Every other scene that established her was about her romance, felt like we could have put Rhys and Taika in there. It didn't feel...unique. It's as if the show only knows 1 way to write a romance between a badass and a bumbling idiot. Again. Oluwande in season 1 wasn't dumb in the same way everyone else was. He was protective of Jim, a bit nervous overall, but he was the person the crew chose to lead them. The season just dumbed everyone down a bit and called it a day.

This comes to the larger issue. When we only have eight episodes I don't want to rewatch the exact same plot beats with different characters. Time spent here ends up taking away from other stories we could have told about trauma and growing as a family and other forms of growing as a family. We didn't need another romance plot line. Imagine taking this time instead to show Lucius reaching out to Pete AND the crew for help. Or Frenchie finally feeling safe enough to play his lute. Or Roach helping Fang get over his thing with cakes-you get my point.

The fact we took all the found family stuff from season one, and pushed it onto only Izzy in S2 means when he dies, all the found family shit falls away. His death makes us realize we've been ignoring the central family we were supposed to care about. Because in so many words, their trauma was ignored.

[I even theorize if Izzy was alive and sailed away with them. Showing how he was taken in and loved by his crew, the ending wouldn't feel so hollow. This crew doesn't feel like a caring family. The person who protected them for months died, wasn't mourned, and then they threw a wedding the same day. Not even a full day to mourn. The 'New Revenge' feels like a heartless crew of characters we barely recognize because they aren't a family like they were at the end of S1. More like coworkers who sometimes fall in love with eachother.]

Trauma, Timelines, and Tonal issues when jumping from Episodes 1-3 to Episodes 4-5.

When the crews meet up, the story chooses to focus on the fun plot. Ed and Stede recovering their relationship, only dipping back into that serious tone when Izzy or Lucius come on screen to 'make things sad' again. I don't think the transition from 'serious' to 'comedy' was handled well.

I don't have an official timeline of the events of season two. But from what I remember, everything happens within 2 weeks.

In episode 4, Stede ignored the vote of his crew- to let the man who was torturing half his 'FAMILY' for at least 80 days- back aboard. This rubbed me the wrong way, as it showed Stede being a selfish prick in a way that could seriously harm his crew. That's when I started to see how not adding a *single* time-skip mid-season would hurt S2.

Imagine if we had a one-week off-screen time skip between episodes 4 and 5.

Maybe it's implied that they stay in that town for a bit. Izzy would a bit more time to learn to move on his new leg and start to open up to those he already trusts. Include a scene of Izzy WITH the crew, maybe laughing about something with the old traumatized crew, even if it's just a 30-second opener. Imply that the traumatized crew would have more time to settle in with the family they miss. Show that yeah, the traumatized crew needs more time to heal. Imply at the start of the 'Ed apology' that Ed and Stede have had more time to talk their issues out.

THEN have Ed apologize. You can even keep the bullshit corporate to show that Ed still has to work for this.

Healing takes time. Setting a series over the span of two weeks after half your cast was tortured by your lead love interest? After five of your main crew thought they would sail off into a storm and die after months of stress and life threatening battles? Why did that shit get shoved to the side so quickly?

Framing episode 5 as the START of Ed making amends with the crew, only to drop the plot by episode 7? Not a smart move. Because let's be honest, 'poison into positivity' in episode 6, referring to the fact that they sold all of Ed's loot to pay for the party, ignores the sacrifices the crew made to live that long. (The death of Ivan, and intense trauma they all need to work through). In a way, Ed throwing this party was him asking the crew to start putting everything away in that imaginary box.

It's Ed retroactively letting himself say 'hey, that time I spent torturing my captives was worth it because we got something good out of it' while still ignoring his own guilt. Ed needed to take accountability for his actions. No more 'I took 'a' mans leg' bullshit. The reason his arc feels so unsatisfying is that the plot easily forgives him. Fuck. I hate what they did for Ed's arc, but that's not the point.

Overall.

My issue with this season is not that it chose to do these topics, it's that it didn't think about the implications of what they were bringing up. It didn't dare to think 'maybe it's fucked if we quickly brush off a trauma like this'. Again. I know we have to blame MAX for cutting off two episodes. But I don't think 2 additional episodes would fix a tone problem seen going from episodes 3-4.

Fucking hell. Each member of the revenge had the potential for their own arc, so it's baffling to see them all reduced to 'well meaning idiot' when they all felt so fleshed out in S1.

When izzy gives his speech about belonging, there's a reason the only image in the show of the crew all together was from S1.

At the end of the day, Season 2 didn't let our surviving side characters grow. This is a mean spirited bit on how I feel the writers see the their own characters.

Stede and Ed are our leads. They won't die, not in this genera. Their shitty actions will be forgiven because it's a comedy, and as long as it's joked about, it holds no weight. They won't die. They won't get fatally hurt. Their trauma will be taken seriously, but it's a 50/50 on if they'll talk about it before breaking up again. They will eventually get a happy ending, their trauma looked at head on, because duh.

Jim, Olu, Lucius, Pete? Characters who used to have defined personalities in S1, but haven't been defined much beyond their relationships with their partners? Whose trauma might be mentioned, but will quickly be 'resolved' in one scene? Shame. Seems like they're only useful as set dressing, But we might make you useful as interchangeable side characters to riff against. Oh, and you're in love! Isn't that cool!

Izzy? I'll just quote Jenkins here. "To have him become a father figure to Blackbeard, and on some level to the rest of the crew, and to see him become the heart of why we’re giving pirates the chance to stand for being able to live how you choose. In reality, they’re thieves and criminals, but what our pirates stand for is a life of belonging to something larger than they are in the face of a crushing, slightly fascist normalcy." So...Is Izzy a pirate and accepted into the Revenge family? Or is he still an outsider? Jenkins gave us a romcom but still defines Izzy's character as that of one stuck in a drama/tragedy. Point and laugh, because tonally these two things clash HARD and will make an audience lose trust in it's writers unless well established. Leading us to the entire issue we've pointed out of not letting your characters actions hold in dramatic weight in your story.

Frenchie, Wee John, Roach, and Fang- Ah. No love interests again...shit. Well. Background actors it is... for now. We'll see. But we need 2 more scenes of the couple breaking up, so MAYBE you'll get some backstory hinted at in dialogue. You all have 1 thing your good at, so that's easy enough to put you where you belong.

Buttons and Swede? Well. They're still alive!! Don't be sad, fans :) The actors just couldn't show up anymore. We don't want our silly happy queer pirate rom com to not end on a happy ending! (Closes the lid of the trash can where they're keep Con O'Neill a bit tighter, thanking God Con was silenced by a strike this entire season from social media)

Do you agree, or disagree? Leave any lingering thoughts down below!

I'd love to chat down below.

[catboygirljoker]

i have seen 1 million youtube video essay people fall into holes and spirals of endless "now i know what people are gonna say" "oh and before you go down there and type XYZ" and making their scripts 200% longer trying to anticipate every possible bad-faith misinterpretation

but i have never once seen a youtuber say "ever since i started spending 90% of my writing time imagining and then catering to the YouTubeVideoSins guy in my head, people have stopped leaving rude comments! i'm so much happier and less stressed now that i do this thing"

[meteorherd]

letterboxd is kind of insufferable and filled with assholes but i like just having a space to shove my pretentious film thoughts into without forcing everyone on tumblr to see it....it is the price i must pay

[thepixelelf]

gonna hire a hit on myself

[mrchoppedslefthand]

[SPOILERS] Homicipher Is Actually Romantic, Convince Me Otherwise [Analysis/Opinion] [SFW]

Word count: 3,332

Edit: 11/7/2024

[Feel free to skip to the last objective "Individual route discussion + what made it romantic" if you want to get straight to the point]

Homicipher is truthfully a romantic (or platonic) game. It is a game that has to be looked at from a different perspective when it comes to love/romance. A game where you have to take in consideration of the characters and the nature of their 'other world'. Today's post will discuss into what I believe made Homicipher an oddly, but romantic game, despite its shortcoming and abrupt ends.

⚠️[MAJOR LORE/CHARACTER ROUTE SPOILERS] ⚠️

Discussion Objectives:

Definition of Love & how it plays into Homicipher

The nature of the 'other world' and ghosts

Individual route discussion + what made it romantic (thoughts)

What Is Love & How Does It Play Into Homicipher?

Love has many layers of definition and associations. Maybe, that is why some may deem Homicipher to be "unromantic" and some disagree on that thought. It also varies based on the type of content/exposure you had consume in the category of love [whether romantic or platonic]. Socially, from a common standpoint, love is a strong attachment or affection for someone. Often from a social standpoint associated with dates, affection, and intimacy. However, love is always changing, since it is a social script on what its suppose to be, and changes as society progresses. Some notions stay the same but some begin to change (just like how language and certain concepts begin to change in the other world, a different society from our own). For the sake of a "true" definition of love. I will be using the definition offered by the Oxford Language Dictionary. So, what is love?

Love as a noun is...

"An intense feeling of deep affection"

"A great interest and pleasure in something"

"A person or thing that one loves"

Love as a verb is...

"Feel deep affection for (someone)"

"Like or enjoy very much"

Not long after its release there had been a fair number of comments/reviews criticizing Homicipher for its lack of romance. This claim is NOT entirely wrong. From the expectations of a "normal" Otome/dating sim it doesn't necessarily meet the requirements because of its lack of intimacy, affection and interest from a HUMAN/SOCIETAL perspective. We must remember that romance/love does not necessarily equate to kissing, hand holding, and intimacy especially considering that these are the HUMAN (societal) views on what romance/love is. A concept that had become lost in the 'other world'. So how can we call Homicipher romantic if we have to cross out the influence of our society? The answer is that we can't fully avoid it, HOWEVER, we must be open to a different perspective of what 'their' version of love is (platonic love/or romantic). No matter how lacking, dense, twisted and grotesque the moments we have spent with these ghosts are. In some shape and form it CAN equate itself to love (platonic/ or romantic). I think a lot of people forget that time itself can be equate to some complicated level of love. The fact you spend time with someone, and it develops to something further for worse or better, something that even love may not be able to name, is what this game demonstrates.

Homicipher has a consistent theme, the loss of truth, the acceptance of ignorance and the concept of eternity. Which shockingly is where the romance comes from. When we allow ourselves to rot in that world. When we ignore the exit and choose to stay, is where the romance comes through. Love is complicated. What can I say?

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The Nature of the 'Other World' & Ghosts

Alot of the ghosts we encounter can be friendly, but also just as deadly. We hear it from almost all of the casts warning or discussing about how dangerous a lot of the ghosts (including themselves) roam in this world, and in different endings, succumb to this danger ourselves. The longer we stay in this world, we soon start to become no different. As we, a human, begin to slowly transform into a different entity. We begin to react more violently (though it can be argued that since our MC is a serial killer, she might have just been violent and cruel in general). When angered, or things start not to go her way, she gets filled with bloodlust and takes it out on who she's with. Killing is a common thing to do in this world, especially when experiencing anger, sadness and even boredom. The concept of death is a little complicated as they can easily regenerate themselves back to "life". As the game progresses, we learn that some of these ghosts cannot grasp certain concepts (such as love), remember their own name and self, and don't have exact words (sometimes none) for items.

When sometimes even confessing that you like some of the ghosts they question you, and state that they cannot understand you or that feeling (platonic/ or romantic). We are in a setting that is beyond the mortal realm, there aren't any exactly "ideal" dates in a place different from the moral realm... so you're going to be stuck in a scary place, having a scary "date".

However just because they cannot understand the concept of love, doesn't meant that they can't feel it. It is something that the body may still feel, and the mind not being able to put an identity to that feeling or even situation, since meanings and concepts get lost within this realm. The fact that we are allowed to spend an eternity in this realm, with our handsome casts of ghosts. Is oddly and sadly romantic. For Mr. Crawling it is his devotion and loyalty to you, it is how he worries and cares for you, it is his affection and attempts to soothe you. For Mr. Silvair it is his care for you (as research of course lol), your usefulness (which is why he is attracted to you), but even then, one of his endings he keeps you as a head, when you had become useless to him. For Mr. Gap he finds you intriguing, he wants to play and follow you around, always asking for parts of you with consent, loves to brag about himself to you. For Mr. Chopped it is his want to rely on you, to feel safe with you, to protect him, to spend time with him. For Mr. Hood it his willingness to help you for an eternity, to roam with you forever, keeping you away from danger. For Mr. Machete it is the fact you both spend an eternity searching for a home together, to suffer boredom together, to suffer within each other's presence. For Mr. Scarletella it is his obsession for you and his willingness to spend an eternity with you.

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Individual Routes + What Made Them Romantic

[Not in any particular order]

Mr. Crawling

If I had to rank who had the most "romantic" route overall, it would be Mr. Crawling. With the definition usage of love from the Oxford dictionary, verb and noun he checks all the list. Not only that, but we spend time with him the most out of all the other casts. He was the very first ghost we meet (briefly in the beginning) and got stuck with. We are like a baby bird imprinting on him because we saw him first and spent time with him the most, so of course we might feel the most attached to him compared to the others. As the game progresses Mr. Crawling doesn't fail to let us know that he cares for us and our safety warning us of the dangers that come and explaining how to navigate our way around danger. He expresses his worries when we disappeared. He seems to have some concept of love (platonic/ or romantic) as he admittedly tells us that he likes us and ask us if we like him. He expresses how he wants to follow and protect us. He also has so many cute scenes! Scenes where he pats our head, scenes where we lay together, chat a lot together. He is devoted and loyal to us, never harming us even once.

We even get a scene where he gets jealous when we called Mr. Chopped cute with the cat headband! So, he also makes an attempt to be cute too! We are always together with him, and that makes us BOTH happy. Although we don't have our traditional romantic dates like shopping, movie night. We get a bed scene and get to take him back home with us.

There are many types of romance. Platonic and romantic. You the reader/player is allowed to view it however you want. The game does not punish you for the lack of interactions with the casts. You just end up missing out on certain scenes/moments with them is all. However, for the sake of this post I will be making attempts to talk about the romantic aspect (but platonic romance can also be put into place).

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Mr. Silvair

lt's apparent that Mr. Silvair keeps us as research material and confines us in his lair. He is interested in our body, and also interested in returning our mind/intellect back to its original state. It is this interest in us that makes him "love" us. Does confinement and research count as love? Well...maybe not in terms of human definition but in the Mr. Silvair way, it's the closest thing you can get to romantic (or platonic). Afterall, the concept of love has become lost in this world.

I believe he still has some attachment to us, because in the ending A Head's Life, he still keeps you as a companion along with Mr. Chopped. He claims that you are no longer useful/capable but that it is okay, as long as danger is no longer here. When you choose to ask him why he did what he did and ask if he likes you, he tells you it was for research and that love is something he cannot understand. He also doesn't understand why you get so angry when he helped you return your intellect back. He still though has some sort of concept of empathy, because in his route when you choose to kill him and hide yourself away. He comes follow you and expresses that he's sorry and tells you a little about himself. He allows you free will, at this point, allowing you to leave him or stay with him.

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Mr. Gap

Mr. Gap always wants a piece of us, literally. Why does he? Because it's just for fun. The most interaction we get with him is through the multiple crevices within this world and the short route he gets in chapter 4. He takes but sometimes may give. However, he doesn't fail to be thoughtful. It's hilarious how in chapter 4 when he offers us a crowbar in exchange for your heart, you can just smack him for it with no consequences. He also likes to brag about himself to you which honestly is a little cute. With his ending Return, we only have him left in the 'other world'. Our comfort lies with him, although he may be a little annoying, he is the only one we have left. We maybe have become a little codependent on him, but maybe he likes that?

God his annoyed/disgusted face is so hilarious, do it again Mr. Gap! He seems to stick around with us mainly just for funsies and being nosy, and honestly, he is so real for that. But it seems he likes to stay around with us at least. In the return end he is with us, and continues to stay lurking, perhaps watching over us until he is needed. Quite handy am I right? Haha.

He is depicted as quite the gentleman, but also just as fun and teasing. There are times where he does help you with no charge, such as barging into his hole (the face he makes in that scene is hilarious). Again, when presented with beating him for your crowbar, he gets a little upset but, honestly still helps you out. He probably thinks violence is funny which is why he constantly still teases you by asking to take away your body parts. It's just too fun!

Someone had brought up to my attention that Mr.Gap tends to ask for parts that can be easy to part with as we progress. Asking for our feet, legs, and fingers instead, when he seems to still clearly prefer the heart over the other parts. He adjusts his request when he realizes we won’t give our heart.

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Mr. Chopped

Mr. Chopped is just a head; how can he possibly be or have anything romantic? Well, not necessarily to the level of Mr. Crawling but, we get to have a few small moments with him and spend some time with him. Since he is just a head, he can't help but need to rely on others. Of course, he has to be selectively about it because falling in the wrong hands devastates him.

Mr. Chopped when he gets forced into playing with the deer child, he seems happy to see a familiar face and calls us out to help him. Our poor baby was in trouble!

His ending head hunt is tragically sad but also bittersweet. MC cares so much about Mr. Chopped that she spends an eternity as an entity searching for a lost head, searching for Mr. Chopped who she failed to rescue.

During his own special route Mr. Chopped does his best to help us, but there is only so much a head can do. To make up for his lack of body though, he seems to be more expressive with his mouth and emotions. We get to take him to get a haircut and wash his hair. This seems pretty date like to me. Although our time was abrupt and short with Mr. Chopped. It makes me happy that we get this small, cute scene with him, which makes him much more lovable.

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Mr. Hood

Mr. Hood protects you from harm, and also heeds your commands. He also carries you around. He means no harm and is there to guide. He cares for your safety and seems to dislike anything dangerous or threatening towards him and others that he protects.

At the end of his route, he states how often you get in danger and takes you with him, telling you that he must protect you since you asked him to (referring to an earlier scenario when you asked him to stay with you, when you reunited with Mr. Crawling and the others, but he leaves). So I would assume he would always be by your side now eternally staying together and protecting you from danger when needed. How cute! Some people are into that. But personally, for me Mr. Hood felt more like a father/brother to me. Maybe it was because he was always willing to guide us? But some people are into the brotherly/fatherly type of men, and hey I don't judge.

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Mr. Machete

At first, I did not see the appeal to Mr. Machete, he seemed like a ghost that killed for boredom and most of the time we just followed him around aimlessly...WELL, after playing his route and letting it soak in my brain. That is entirely the whole point of his character. He is a ghost that had become bored because he had too much time on his hands and continues to search for his home. He is our tsundere dummy macho ghost, and honestly, I love that about him. He could've killed us again like how he tried earlier, but after that first attempt, he reluctantly allows us to follow him. It's funny how much he runs away if the odds are against him, and when he mocks us it's even more hilarious. Mr. Machete likes us if we are strong opponent for him, he even expresses that he thinks we are fun and likes us when we defeat Mr. Hugeface on our own.

Not going to lie, I fell for Mr. Machete right here. We were low on blood, and he just slices his hand, FEEDING us HIS BLOOD. Like OMG that was so hot, he opens our mouth forceful, and we drink his blood. He somewhat cares about us, to be doing all of that for us. After that we get a timed choice to stall or follow him. When you choose to stall he pauses with you and asks if you're okay and to catch up with him. For someone who had been reluctant and annoyed at us for following him, took a moment of his time to wait for you. He WANTED you to tag along with him. We then venture on with him aimlessly searching for his and our home. Torturing each other with our presences. But maybe, just maybe, they can slowly become that home together that they were searching for.

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Mr. Scarletella

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. At first, he appears to be just any ghost that wants to attack us. It took me a while to warm up to him because of so little we knew about him. I thought he wanted to take our name for fun/or collection, but then it's revealed that he knows us. That he harbors some sort of love and obsession for us and believes that we love him because of all the blood and bodies we "offered" him. In a twisted way, this situation is a cute and romantic misunderstanding. Mr. Scarletella fell in love with us for providing him many blood and bodies. He wants us to spend an eternity with him. He WANTS to spend an eternity with us. He invites us to this other world because perhaps he wants us to become a ghostly being just like him, or maybe he wants to have easier access to us (since his myth that he only appears on rainy days) to meet us. Although we didn't get to have as many interactions with him, that is what makes this love toxic. It is a parasocial love, he fell in love with us from afar. When you piece everything together with your dictionary the words he proposes to you sound like wedding vows when you give your name to him. Which make it all so more lovely, even if he takes our soul away.

(My translation/interpretation of the scene, where he asks for your name)

Chapter 2, Scene 24

Scarletella: "You found your name...?"

Scarletella: "Teach me your name." (ARF ARF WRARF)

Scarletella: "I want you." (YES PLEASE)

Scarletella: "Will you give your name?" (OF COURSE)

Scarletella: "Your name?" (👁️👄👁️)

*You give him your name here*

Scarletella: "I have your name."

Scarletella: "I have obtained you." (YES YOU DID, COME TAKE ME)

Scarletella: "Let's leave together." (ARF ARF WRARFFFFFFFF)

Scarletella: "I love you"

Scarletella: "And you love me."

Scarletella: "You gave it to me...Thank you" (I'LL GIVE YOU IT ALL)

Scarletella: "Forever/eternally together..." (YES SIR)

Scarletella: "Together." (ARF ARF WRARRF ARFA)

He is quite the romancer hehe. It seems like Mr. Scarletella has some form of concept when it comes to love, which is to be together forever, even if you end up as a blood pool. Together is together.

I find it interesting how his two endings: Scarletella and Scarlet Rain parallels each other so well. In the Scarletella ending, we (mc unknowingly) give our consent to being together forever with Mr. Scarletella, but we are still alive. When MC wakes up, she sees a clear umbrella on the floor and picks it up. I believe that we have now embodied or spirited the umbrella, spending eternity with Mr. Scarletella. He owns us now.

However, in the Scarlet Rain end he becomes ours, the umbrella stays red, and we still, eternally are together forever.

[hot-on-my-watch]

And here we have it: the post that sent me head first down the rabbit hole of the scripts for much of the last 24 hours. Thanks @whipsoutlaptop !

i am once again rifling through the bbc sherlock scripts and here is a scene that got cut from TLD

why did moftiss cut so many genuine and emotionally poignant scenes from s3 and s4?

[monkebearness]

Rereading the Mixed Messages [Pt. 2]

Kamimoto Kotone (tripleS) x Male Reader

Part 1

Tags: smut, fluff, creampie, blowjob

Word count: 10k

a/n: hey, it's been a while. life's gotten a little busier than usual, but hey, it's tripleS' comeback era! it's only been almost a week—but I really enjoyed (and still am enjoying) assemble25. without further ado, I hope you enjoy this one.

The sun had already set—but an assemblage of voices inside a particular classroom kept on soaring high in the past three hours, no thanks to the encouraging exchanges and the insights between Professor Kim Myungsoo and five of his much argumentative students, who remained standing in front of the lecture hall and the projector. Somehow, it seems that no one else could make a discussion on Western literature this engaging, especially when it ends up going off on another tangent—like how fanfiction became a much more accepted genre of writing in the last five years—at least more accepted than A.I. writing, something that almost all parties in the room involved would unanimously take a jab at.

“At least the ones they’re putting out have substance. They have soul, and they are ali—”

As soon as the hand of the clock hits six in the evening, the bell rings across the hallway.

“Okay! How about that? As much as our discussions are getting a little more heated, our time’s up, and we managed to make it halfway through our list!” His observation incites audible sighs of relief to the students on the chairs while a few heaves of disappointment is also heard from the five reporters, much to his amusement. In his mind, he knows the group has already passed, but the fact that they got carried away yapping alongside him has only made his final class better than expected.

“The two groups who finished their reports today, both Bongseok and Yeon’s groups, have done a splendid job with their breakdowns and critical analysis,” the professor elaborates with his proud tone. “I’m sure the remaining three will also match their quality with what we’ve all witnessed this afternoon.”

“You better not doubt us, Seonsaengnim!” a student from the front row answers him.

“You might just be surprised at how long we’ve filled out our scripts!” another heckles.

“Hmm… Well, as much as I’d like to ask more about the details of your blocky slides and hopefully your completely-original reflections,” he laughs at them lightheartedly, despite his sincere reminders going straight through their ears. “Just take it easy. You’ll have the weekend to revise and practice, but only if you want to. Now—get yourselves a good rest, all of you... We’ll continue the remaining presentations on Wednesday, arachi?”

From there, the echoes of cheers, laughters and hollers of farewells from his students follow on. “Ne! Kamsahamnida, seonsaengnim! Have a nice weekend, Kim Ssaem!”

Those final words from his own learnder widens his smile more, almost to his cheek.

Walking towards the campus gates, the professor walks alongside various other students and fellow staff, some of whom exchange bows and greetings with him on their way out. It's standard college habits. They're nothing new, but oddly enough, they are one of the things that always give him a simple reason to love his job. Something to expect from day to day in his more than a decade staying in his alma mater as a humble educator.

And right at that moment, his peripherals catch her. Locking his eyes, he finds the one special woman standing from a distance. Waiting for him with her now widening smile, his lips can't help but mirror her expression once more. Until recently, Myungsoo never knew he would have something else, nay someone else to expect to meet with night after night. At almost the same moment, they wave at each other.

With his arms opening wide, Kotone runs to Myungsoo with a warm hug. He pulls her closer, making their embrace a little tighter, much cozier, and longer for each other. “I miss you so much, boo,” the woman mumbles. He laughs at the term she used for him, but it touches his heart nonetheless. He couldn’t feel any luckier. And neither can she.

It has been three months since their relationship became official. A significant change that was made possible by their recent alumni reunion at their university gymnasium. Their fingers interlocked, walking along the pavement, past years of local businesses.

Tonight, the breeze has blown quite strongly, something that catches while holding his beloved’s hand as they take a stroll. “You’re not feeling any cold, are you?”

“Oppa, it’s summer,” she reminds him with a wide grin. A face he can’t get enough of.

“Oh, right,” he just realized what she meant. “Then, you’re not feeling too warm then?”

“I’d start to feel a little hotter these days,” she counters him, nudging his shoulder. “‘Cause that’s a lot more possible.”

His eyes slowly grow as his head tilts. He turns to her with curiosity. “What is that?”

“For a professor, you can't be this slow, Kim Myungsoo-oppa,” she teases him. “You got any ideas on how to beat the heat?” Her eyebrows raise twice on those last three words.

Such a fierce delivery from her only causes him to swallow his throat. “I can get us a couple of drinks… if you like? There’s a convenience store near my place.”

The woman’s playful grin slowly closes, turning upside down, much to his confusion. He’s taking her question way too seriously. But his mind quickly tells him to go on to their ‘contingency’ in hopes of saving the mood. He leans closer. “How about… This? Will it help you forget the heat better than a drink?”

Myungsoo wraps his arms around his girlfriend. She can only hum, satisfied with how he tried to make up with this warm gesture. “It is better… I might need more of this.”

“Even if it’ll get much, much hotter?” he wonders.

“Especially if it’ll get hotter,” she quickly answers, making both of them chuckle.

They’ve taken things slower. Not that they’ve said anything. It must’ve just felt… Right. They were friends for more than eight years, yet their feelings for each other lasted just as long as it endured through the test of time. Through dozens, if not almost a hundred dates and flings, some even consider it a miracle they found their way with each other.

= = =

Meeting each other's newer friends over local hangouts. Malls. Cafes. Restaurants.

“Myungsoo here hasn’t dated anyone in two years,” Sungjin tells Kotone.

“That's not entirely true,” he chuckles nervously, seeing her intrigue at his remark. “That’s an exaggeration… I’ve gone onto a few dates.”

His eyes turn to the side, followed by a smirk he’s trying to cover up from her while taking a sip of her glass of beer beside him.

“But… No matter how many matches I’ve gotten back then,” he continues. “None of them can ever match this woman.”

That same woman can only blush as Myungsoo sneaks up next to Kotone with a swift but passionate kiss on her cheek, inciting cheers from his two buds. “Yah…” she coos, pulled between giddiness and coyness towards him.

At first, Kotone was a little shy and awkward meeting her boyfriend’s closest colleagues, though knowing more about Myungsoo through their word of mouth and teasing slowly made her get along with them more often. In Myungsoo’s perspective, however, Tone’s buddies were perhaps the most welcoming and easygoing bunch to hang out with.

“Tone-chan really tried not to make it obvious,” Suhyeon says while munching on a potato chip. “But she's too much of an F around us to hide her facial expressions—”

Even though Kotone herself found their approach of getting to know Myungsoo to be a little more embarrassing than her boyfriend’s friends.

Kotone places a knuckle on her forehead with a groan. “Oh, enough with that whole T and F thing. You still don’t believe in those things, do you?”

She doesn't necessarily agree with their sentiment, but she simply can’t help but cringe at certain aspects of her past self. Reminiscing the times she would babble about folks’ MBTI personalities through comparisons and contrasts. It was a silly little phase that she had since tried to move past forward from, if it wasn’t for her best friend’s teases.

“Well, I don't think it's a bad way of seeing things,” Myungsoo reasons, remembering that part of Kotone’s personality. Suhyeon and her boyfriend, Sungwoo, watches him in astoundment, since he didn’t directly side with his girlfriend and went for a more devil’s advocate route. “It’s just for fun… It helped a lot of people get to know each other then.”

“Well…” Kotone slides her hair behind her ear. “Now that you've mentioned it. I was, and still am an F. I just can’t help it. It made me a little social butterfly since college.”

“Oh… So you agree with him just now, but not us?” Honggi pokes fun at her retort.

“Shut up!” Kotone exclaims, rolling her eyes at her close friends while they giggle.

“I can’t complain either,” Myungsoo casually comes to his girlfriend’s aid without much hesitation. “Kotone had a habit of comparing other people’s MBTIs back in the day… so I think it’s not too surprising. Even before we were dating—”

“Maja!” Kotone simply chimes in agreement, much to everyone else’s surprise. “And it’s not like I’m the only F in our little group. We had Junghoon too. You know that he’s the most F among us. At times, Honggi can be a little hopeless romantic—”

In the span of those three months, both their worlds began to collide with each other. Mending the time they lost in the last eight years, knowing they’ve also met more and more people before their reunion.

= = =

After a seven-minute stroll from Seoul State University, the couple heads straight to his apartment, one of their two main hangouts, aside from Kotone’s. After half an hour of Chinese takeout while talking over or reacting to the latest drama on TV has been on their night routine in the past month. But sometimes, certain scenes would invoke something in their system. Ones that pull them together. Every warm second.

Their lips have been touching in the last five minutes, sharing each other’s tasty dinner. Kotone couldn’t get enough of the orange chicken on his mouth, moving her tongue to clean the leftovers without leaving any crumbs. Still, Myungsoo, on the other hand…

Something in his mind is telling him to stop, going against his body's hunger. Wait, stop. She might feel uncomfortable… Don't touch her! You’re no different than any other perv! You're an uncivilized deviant! You don’t deserve her—

Overwhelmed by the stream of his own self-deprecating and militant thoughts, his twitching hands stop hers from touching him as well. Their lips part, starting with Tone’s, as their mood quickly fell apart. “What’s wrong?”

“No, umm… It's just, I don't know.” He can't fully explain himself.

“It seems you’re not in the mood…” she surmises, her lips folding into a simper.

“Tone…” he feels more vulnerable, his spirits crumbling with guilt.

“It’s okay… I'll be leaving in a bit too, so I don't mind…”

He maintains his grip on hers, weakening with his voice. “Mianhae.”

“Gwenchana, oppa,” she places her palm on his left cheek—keeping her reason and composure in check. “I’m not mad. It’s okay with me if you’re not ready… With me.”

He wants to say more just to make her stay. Unfortunately, his cowardice has gotten the best of him as the woman bids her farewell for the night with a soft kiss to his left cheek. Oftentimes, she would stay the whole night, snuggling on the couch and binge-watching their favorites on the television or both. Tonight has made the difference and Myungsoo doesn’t blame anyone but himself for not being courageous enough.

= = =

In the day that followed, Myungsoo pays a visit to a nearby cafe with two of his friends. Rather than spending the first hours of his weekend with Kotone like they often do, his own insecurities had driven him to meet up with their mutual buddies.

“I’m surprised Junghoon here even made the time to talk about whatever this will be,” Honggi breaks the ice. “But it’s nice to see the three of us together again.”

“It’s a Saturday,” Junghoon counters right before taking a sip of his teacup.

“That didn't stop you from being busy before… Tone has told us how hard you’ve been working at kitchens, as in plural. We couldn’t believe you even led the catering during the reunion! Like, I get that you must get paid like a lot—but do you still have time for yourself, man?”

“I do… And while your point may be true, Myungsoo-hyung called us here—so it must be about him and Tone-yah, so I wanted to meet with y’all…”

“How did you know?” Myungsoo himself becomes flustered by his guess.

“You called us,” Junghoon points out. “That rarely happens nowadays… Plus, you didn’t sound calm and collected like you usually were.”

“Exactly…” Honggi adds his grievance. “You better make it worth it, hyung.”

Myungsoo gives the two an overview of their awkward and unfortunate situation. In his eyes, he described his girlfriend as someone who’s pure yet passionate. Someone who is innocent while he was still exploring the more adult regions of his own college life, even though she was there too. At least, that's how he mostly saw Tone eight, seven years ago. She’s always been beautiful in his eyes and in his heart. And yet, now that he is living the impossible, he also realizes that innocence has been broken the moment his lips touched hers and yet a part of him still couldn’t accept that for some cosmically absurd reason. A part he’s desperately itching off his mind and skin.

“That’s your problem with her?” Honggi finds his dilemma to be somewhat bewildering.

“So… Are you sure you guys never saw her as a woman?”

“But she is a woman,” Junghoon states the obvious with his monotone voice.

“You get what I mean!” Myungsoo slightly raises his voice in a fit of desperation.

“Well… Since you’re that serious,” Honggi goes first. “I’d say that she was too tomboyish for me most of the time, no offense to Tone. Or you, hyung.”

In his mind, Honggi does have a point. But he didn’t strike her as that mere archetype. Myungsoo’s watched a few of her performances. His answer wasn’t enough to alleviate the unease in his heart. He turns his head to Junghoon, taking his mug of matcha tea.

“How about you, Junghoon-ah?”

“Hyung… I’m not sure where you’re going with this, but aside from being a good friend, Kotone was kind of like an older sister to me, or just a sister in general... I just never got to see her the way you do. And honestly, I like it that way.”

Myungsoo slowly nods with a soft smile. “That’s—ummm—that’s good to know.”

“How about you, hyung..?” Junghoon asks him back. “Since you're together now, I'm sure things will change how you see her in the next level you take.”

“Which shouldn’t even be our business in the first place,” Honggi follows. “But you know what? Junghoon’s got a point. You don’t have to rush anything in your relationship... He doesn’t even have a girlfriend at the moment—and he knows more about this than you!”

With a somewhat awkward, and even confused stare towards his close friend, Junghoon almost raises his index finger, but he is unable to make his voice firm in time. “Actual—”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Myungsoo inadvertently interrupts him, driven by uncertainty. He’s too ashamed to ask them any further questions. Junghoon can only chuckle beside him, softly shaking his head, while Honggi maintains his gaze of disappointment. Those two haven't been through this kind of situation before, not entirely. Still, today, they did their best to help him out without being too intrusive. “Thanks, both of you. Honestly… I don't know if I can get this thing off me without you.”

= = =

He still couldn’t get his mind off after that moment. It was both a small, yet significant mistake. To his overthinking brain, it’s not something he would even consider as small, but since his own closest friends weren’t enough to ease his misgivings, Myungsoo ends up going to someone else for their piece of mind. Despite still being a summer Saturday afternoon, the next meeting would take him to the campus of Seoul State an hour later.

On the same concrete bench, the two of them sit a meter apart from each other, taking refuge under the shade of the nearest maple tree.

“You’re asking me if I know what you did wrong?” She snickers. “Your own ex?”

“Mianhae, Yooyeon-ssi… I really don’t know who else to approach… Well, after Honggi and Junghoon, but it’s just—I’m still lost about our relationship, which I am happy for! But this feels like it’s different, and if I’m gonna mess up taking things to the next level, then I’m scared that I might actually lose her.”

“I’m flattered,” she chuckles. “Gwenchana. Tone-chan’s my close friend, too, you know.”

“I just wanted to hear your side of things,” he fesses up. “I thought that asking for a woman's feedback would make me understand how I can learn and make up with her.”

“And you haven’t seen anyone else since we broke up?” she presses on. “I doubt that.”

“No. They were blind dates and hook-ups, if I even got lucky, but nothing serious.”

“TMI, dude,” she tells him, one of her eyebrows raised and Myungsoo recognizing the dry yet intimidating ick in her delivery.

“Mianhae,” he tells her a second time without realizing it, triggered by disquietude.

Yet her smile remains amidst his somber expression, emanating comfort in his unease. “Again, it’s fine, Myungsoo-yah. But, you know—since you went all the way to visit on a Saturday—without any classes to teach—instead of actually just talking this conundrum out with your girlfriend… Do you really wanna hear what I think about this?”

“If it’s okay with you…” he answers with a slow nod, his smile bracing down to a gloom. “It’s fine if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“Well, I’m not too uncomfortable… And I really can’t say anything about what’s going on with you two, but… Maybe I can give my unfiltered piece of mind about our relationship in the past... I’m sure you wouldn't mind that, would you?”

“The floor is yours.” He spreads his arms wide, as his ears have always been opened.

“When we were together, you weren’t rushing into things with you simply because every other couple was ‘doing it.’ We took our time, Myungsoo—when we felt ready… So why not do the same with her? Or maybe there is something else that's been bugging you?”

“I guess…” His hand left slowly reaches his nape, trying to claw his own tension through his forests of hair. “There is… something… I don’t know, it’s just ridiculous.”

“Hmmm…” Yooyeon contemplates for a moment, interlocking her fingers before placing her chin under them. “Is this… About the whole friendship-to-lovers thing?” she guesses without much effort, tilting her head downwards.

Myungsoo looks up to her in silence, hearing a ding inside his head.

“Ooooooooohhhh…” Yooyeon’s mouth slowly gapes. “Of course… You should know that situations like this are above my pay grade. I teach Natural Science, not Behavioral.”

“Well, one can argue that human behavior is also a kind of natural phenomena, right?”

“You know, for someone who's quite desperate for an ex’s advice, you still know how to joke your way out.”

Myungsoo lets out a scoff, one triggered by pride and embarrassment to admit the truth to her. “I’m not asking you to help me out. And I'm not thaaaat desperate.”

“Whatever you say, Prof,” she rebuts sarcastically. “But… If it helps you fix this weird conundrum that you're having, then I honestly think it's not that uncommon… No matter how many or often someone goes into a relationship, they'll always have something new to explore. Something to solve together. Your problem with Kotone is nothing new for some folks, so you shouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“You know someone with the exact same experience as ours?”

“Well, not exactly,” she clarifies. “It’s more or less the opposite side of the coin in your situation, but I thought of it.”

“In what way?”

“They’ve become much, much friendlier… More of the benefits, and less of the feelings. To the point that the moment she started to catch those feelings, she took it hard when he had to reject her ‘cause he didn't feel the same way.”

“Really?” There's a balance between intrigue and caution in his mind. Maybe even a little bit of sympathy towards the people she mentioned, despite their identities being left out, perhaps out of respect, which he understands.

“Yep…” Her delivery may come off as if she's telling him a cautionary tale. “But they’ve gotten over it, though. They were never in the best position, either. They’ve made some questionable decisions… So it was for the best.”

“Huh…” Yet Myungsoo feels relief, strangely enough, his memory panning back to when they first got together months ago makes him realize just how lucky he is now. That he's not too late.

“I’d say your situation with Kotone is much more ‘blessed,’ to say the least. You may or may not have a little fight about it, but at least, I expect you to be more honest with her by the time comes.”

He cannot wait any longer. That ick towards himself, he wants to get rid of it.

After a sip of her warm cup, a smirk forms on her face. “You know… When we were together, you were so wild and exc—”

“Yah, yah, yah! TMI, noona,” he fires back with his tone of panic as he takes a quick look around the campus, much to Yooyeon’s mischief. She giggles at his reaction.

“You just had to remind me how old I am,” she rolls her eyes, followed by another light chortle. She doesn’t mind honorifics, but he knows that term always triggers something inside her, though with how long he has known Yooyeon, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.

“Nothing’s wrong with that,” he assures her with a banter. “About a year from now, I’ll catch up with y’all tricenarians.”

“Whatever, bookworm. But—anyways, I really think that intimacy shouldn’t be a big problem between you two. I may be able to convince you to slow down, ‘cause I know that your relationship will be different… but I still do hope you remember that all good relationships start with trust. Don’t be nervous when you finally open up to Kotone, just because you’re more than friends now and not to mention, I actually expected you to get closer than before as a couple!”

“Thanks, umm… That’s really reassuring, strangely enough.” Coming from his own ex, he knows she’s right about Kotone. They may be exes—but he’s learned a lot from her, and so has she. Good and bad, on both sides.

“I wish you luck,” she continues, making her voice firmer. “To both of you, hmm?”

“I’d say the same exact thing, but, umm… Still, best of luck to you too, Yooyeon-ssi.”

“I’m already thirty, and everyone else in my circle is starting to settle down with their partners. You two are lucky, you know? Like extremely lucky,” she emphasizes more.

“Come on, cheer up!” he slightly raises his pitch out of enthusiasm. “I’m sure you’ll find someone for you... Also, didn't you say before that marrying at thirty is old-fashioned?”

“This isn’t about marriage…” she scoffs and stays silent for a complete second as an idea lights up in her mind. “How about this… You set me up with one of your buddies at your department? Are you good with that?”

“Why not in your own department?” he fires another question out of curiosity. “I mean, I’d love to ask some of them, but weren’t there rumors about you and that Bio—”

“Aniyo! We had one dinner, and—let’s just say he was a bit too much. I’m not against people enjoying their meal, but half an hour in, he’s forgotten that he was on a date. I even had to pay for both our meals, it was a fever dream of a dinner.”

He lets out a chortle, in disbelief that she went along with him. “Oh—so that was true?”

“I don’t even wanna talk about it,” she shakes her head. “I’d rather talk about how often my students GPT their equation exercises than any of my bad dates. They’re that bad…”

“Oh, don’t get me started on some of my students! They really thought they’d get away by making efforts to just write prompts, instead of constructing their actual works.”

With his spirits lifted and mind reassured, Junghoon feels that he’s had enough voices from some of the people he trusts the most. Now, it’s his turn to make it up to Kotone. He takes out his phone from his pocket, while his mind imagines her ranting towards her close friends about his performance issue.

[Hey, Tone. Can we talk at my place tonight?]

[Of course, oppa!]

[I intended to stop by a little earlier, but whenever is fine.]

[Oh. Well, any works for me.]

[Drop by as early as you want.]

[It's just, I wanted to talk to you about something.]

[Of course.]

[I'll make sure to be there by six.]

[I'm just hanging out with a friend.]

= = =

Kotone’s eyes grow from his assumption. “You thought I was too innocent?”

On the contrary, his plan did not go as he expected this Saturday evening. It has only been a few hours since he went outside to ‘consult’ with friends, but he did not expect his girlfriend to find it out all of the sudden. Of course, his mind would first go for the suspect that snitched to Kotone, fueled by annoyance that things had gone off the rails.

“Where did you—It was Junghoon, wasn't it?” he throws the first question. “I know Honggi doesn’t give in that easily… Waaaaa… You two really are like siblings from another motherland.”

But she shuts it down, not letting him change the subject. “Answer the question, oppa.”

“Don't take it that way,” he lowers his cadence, his conscience now realizing that asking her back won’t help alleviate the tension of this situation any further.

“I'm not…” Thankfully, so does she. “I just want us to come clean… Please.”

“Look, I haven't done this in a long while,” he opens up. “I thought it'd be special for us.”

“Just because it's special doesn't mean it has to be, you know...” she reasons.

“What?” Much to his surprise, Kotone manages to cool herself down first.

“Perfect… Nothing ever is, oppa.” She realizes how pointless this moment will be.

“It's because—” he takes a deep sigh, concluding that there’s no other way he can confess to her how he’s truly feeling, especially with how his girlfriend has simmered down and chosen to be the bigger person, even before an argument would have taken place. “It's because—I thought I'll never be good enough.”

The woman’s heart sinks, hearing those words from his own mouth. “Oppa…”

“I know it’s stupid to admit it… But there’s always this feeling that’s holding me back.”

Myungsoo remembers his own words from that day, when he first confessed. When he reciprocated her. How his own body's response just contradicted them, no thanks to his hesitations. He rejected her and giving her more mixed messages won't allow him to get through this hindrance that has been suppressing more of his physical desires for Tone.

“During those moments, my body must have thought that—we're still friends. Even though I don't feel that way anymore... And I don't want you to feel that way too. But looking back, I think I have always fallen for you in more ways I didn't realize before.”

Her eyes widened, heartbeat accelerating with hope towards her love. “How so?”

“I guess, one that sticks to mind is when you performed that one time at the festival.”

“Oh, gosh…” Her eyes quickly close with a wide smile. “That was kinda embarrassing.”

“No. You were amazing,” he counters, cheering her on with his own enthusiasm. ”Even a lot of hoobaes mistook you for a dance or music major.”

“I know…” Kotone can’t help herself from giggling. “The guys would've teased the hell out of me if they weren't in the military then. But I didn't know you saw me like that.”

As neurons continue to fire throughout his mind, Myungsoo recalls another memory. “You’ve also put so much detail and attention to your looks whenever you’re out on a date,” he chuckles with this confession, maintaining his gaze at hers as if her face has mesmerized her. “That includes the double date you pulled me in... Remember that?”

Her face begins to redden. “Yah... That's just common courtesy. No one would wanna go out with someone without a little makeup. That’s not enough for a common gal like me.”

Common is not a word that he sees of her. “Well… I think you’re enough, Tone.”

No words leave her mouth for three seconds, until she comes up with, “What else?”

“Hmm?”

“What else… Made you fall for me?”

“When we first touched last night…” he stammered, keeping himself composed while answering her question. “I freaked out. And I thought you’re innocent, because I was used to thinking that you were pure. So...”

With her eyes glistening amidst the dim room, Kotone's face is the most beautiful thing in his eyes. A mighty and delicate diamond shining in front of him. “Mesmerizing,” he continues. “Something that I couldn't lay my hands on… Because you’re amazing.”

His hand takes hers, feeling its coldness. Yet it's a smooth sensation that cools him down, even though their touch now produces a warm affection from their hearts.

“I wasn't scared because I thought you were innocent…” he confesses, his eyes darting down on the floor out of shame. “I'm scared that when it’d happen, I’d disappoint you.”

“Well… I don't care if you think someone else is a better fit for me. If you think there’s a better version of yourself. If it's with you… That’s all that matters to me, oppa.”

She takes one step towards him. His sense of reassurance suddenly shifts into surprise.

“Kim Myungsoo…” she asks him straight, her pitch deepening. “All this time, have you not seen me as a woman before?” The same question he tried to answer with both their closest friends. The same confession he told her. Her tone still comes off as serious—yet he notices a slight upward curve on her flat lips. She’s just trying to lighten up his mood.

“Tone-yah!” the man still bursts out in panic. “What makes you think that?”

“It’s just—You know… The conversation you must’ve had with Honggi and Junghoon probably went off like that. Your talk with them made you think about our friendship, and I thought maybe that’s what made you think less of me—”

“No… It’s not like that. In my eyes, there’s a lot from you that enticed me. From the day we met.” She's read his mind. Yet slowly, he leans closer to her face. “Your lips. There’s no way I can resist them. I couldn’t… Why should I feel any different with your bod—”

Feeling something pulling them together, Kotone gives into her primal urges first, launching herself at his lips first. His arms catches her—welcoming her lust-driven pounce as she slowly wraps herself around him, a ravenous python desperate for its target. Sharing the level of her libido with him, Myungsoo trails his fingers down her curves until they reach her plump buttocks, no longer hesitant and threatened by his own voices, which are now silenced by his turbulent body as it’s hellbent on one goal. Her physical satisfaction, fueled by his dissipated impulses.

Myungsoo tightens his grip on Kotone’s ass, triggering a moan in-between their kiss. Such a delightful sound striking his ears provokes him to deepen their lips, while his tongue enters Tone’s mouth through a surge of dominance that possessed him.

“There's nothing to disappoint... How you kiss me now. How you… Touch me now...”

Their lips part, as Myungsoo listens to his girlfriend’s suggestive encouragement.

“Plus, I'm no longer your friend... You can touch me,” the daring woman tiptoes to his ear with her hot breath. “Anywhere you want, oppa... I hope that eases your mind.”

Her whisper alone sends a tingle down to his spine, eventually reaching his crotch. He feels his shaft rising—expanding with curiosity. In this instant, he has never felt more alive while he’s succumbing to her arousing spell.

They slowly undress each other—interrupted by sessions of smooches. Kotone latches her lips onto his neck then his clavicle, salivating on his sweat with her lips and tongue as a mark, that this man is hers, and only hers to share her body with, and she wants it now more than ever. For the first time, they see each other's genitals in astonishment.

Before he can consider taking the lead, she pushes him into the bed, with her eyes already focused on his cock. “Let me, oppa.”

Myungsoo only nods to her with submission, while she ties her hair with a rubber into a ponytail within a few seconds, before moving closer to her. She witnesses her lover take a deep breath, inciting a chuckle from her. “Just relax… Okay?” As soon as she’s done giving him a brief show, she joins him on the bed, crawling to the middle with him.

She takes in his rod. Her mouth isn’t the widest, but him witnessing her engulf half of it without much warning immediately sends shivers through his spine as another second, her throat touches the tip of his cock. “Ngh…” he bites his lip as he groans. “Fuuuuck.”

“Oh?” Kotone takes his cock off her mouth, retaining her smirk. “A professor cursing?”

“Mianhaeyo…” Myungsoo huffs with desperation. “You can… Keep going… Tone.”

“What’s the magic word, oppa?” she tantalizes, seeing the helplessness of her lover.

“Please, Tone-chan…” His grip on her shoulder remains tender, keeping herself from riling her up, as his manhood is under her control. “Punish me if you have to. Jebal.”

“Good boy,” she coos, even though his last plea made her eyebrows raised. There’s more from him that she hasn’t discovered. “And I thought I had to put a little more pressure.”

The woman puts her bangs to the side of her ear, locking in as she puts his cock back inside her widened mouth, with more ease this time. Her head moves in and outward. He loves the sensation of being devoured by this unpredictable woman. He couldn’t be any more exhilarated to witness her prove himself wrong. Her pureness, melting away, shifting into this new face he’s rarely encountered, mixed with hints of lust, curiosity, and carnality, right as her eyes dart towards him, just to give him a wink, her simple gestures just keep expanding the girth of his member beyond its limits.

Despite bobbing her head on his manhood up and down with a faster pace, Kotone manages to smear her fingers on her drools and drippings, spreading them down his balls without looking, yet the results would speak for themselves as Myungsoo howls feeling the sudden cold and tingling moisture of his testicles—jiggling and squishing under the palm of her long and thin salivated hand.

“Tone! I’m—shit,” he whimpers, his eyes slowly rolling to the back of his head while the woman devours him with acceleration. “It’s too fucking—Good… Tone-yah—I’m close!”

With a final trick up her sleeve, the woman applies a little pressure on his testicles with her fingers, pulling the trigger to his stimulation. Right as he feels a popping sound on his pulsating rod, followed by a gust of warm semen gushing directly inside her mouth. Much to his surprise, she keeps her mouth closed and gulps it down once she leaves his manhood. As expected, Myungsoo hears Kotone cough out a few drops of seed that she couldn’t swallow, much to his concern while still catching his breath next to her.

He gives the woman a few pats on her back before caressing it. “You alright, babe?”

“Mm-hmm.” Her smirk widens, despite the struggle. “Never tasted something tastier.”

“Let me… Have a taste,” he retorts, leaning closer to Kotone. Unashamed of tasting himself through her mouth. She cups his chin, deepening their already heated kiss.

Letting out a chuckle, Myungsoo distances himself a few inches away while peppering kisses on her thighs, seeking to return his girlfriend the favor, but right before he can kneel on one knee on the carpet, the heaving woman tugs her grip on his right wrist, prompting him to stop and freeze his burning libidinal excitement for a moment.

“Uh, uh, uh…” she giggles with her limited breath, fully aware of his reciprocal intention, yet she moves her index finger from left to right in amusement.

“You don’t want me to?” he mumbles, radiating unease with his submissive tone.

“I do… Just not tonight, baby… You can pay me later,” she whispers and leaves him a wink before slowly pulling him into bed with her. “This time, I want both of us to feel each other on this one, hmm?”

He never minded her tomboyish charms, and now that she’s embodying some traits on his own bed, it’s driving him insane to witness her guide him with entering her regions. As they both sit in front of each other, Kotone wriggles closer with her bottom until she is close enough to wrap her legs around his waist, locking their now closed distance.

“Oh…kay,” Myungsoo holds onto her hips with caution. “I’ll… Put it in now, Tone.”

“That’s it,” the woman peppers his chest and collarbone a few kisses, taking a breath as more of him enters her folds. Sliding as slowly and steadily as he can, Kotone gradually tightens her hold on her lover, welcoming the girth of his lubricated manhood with her walls. “Fuck… Nggghhh…” Leaning her forehead closer on his shoulder, her howls rise while slowly closing her eyes, allowing herself to receive the waves of pleasure he’s giving her with his entry.

Inside Myungsoo's rummaging mind, the man immediately assumes how he may not be the longest she has seen, but it is no small accomplishment for him to hear her moaning without stopping for seconds. Her pitch becomes higher, surprising Myungsoo as he has rarely heard her yell or holler at this sky-shattering range, even whenever she sings with their pals at the noraebang. Her voice already sounds like an angel from day to day, yet this new level gives him a new perspective. A new realm of satisfaction he’s accessing… He can only move his hips inward and outward, yet each pound rewards him with an intensifying sensation that takes him to a higher state of gratifying unconsciousness.

“Tone—Fuck!” He feels his sense of coherence falling apart, his endurance slows down his own member while his thrusts still maintain their balance and strength in her cunt.

On the other hand, she can still keep up with his now dwindling and stuttering thrusts, perhaps with even more stamina than him, while she keeps squirting a few more juices from her bladder while also awaiting the big one on her nether. “Just do it,” she shrieks, feeling her own climax catch her partner’s. “Pleeeease—fucking cum—inside me, baby!”

Myungsoo surrenders to his own climax, busting his load inside her for the first time without restraint. Within the next three seconds, Kotone comes next with all her holler, cumming as well without any sense of worry about his seed inside her womb.

They find themselves plummeting on the bed, with Kotone laying her head on his chest. Myungsoo slowly strokes the side of her hair from its disheveled state, while they heave. He feels an irk of disappointment for giving into his climax too soon, but not discontent. Pulling his cock out of her when it stopped leaking—he muses about reinstating his gym membership or simply pushing himself to jog at a nearby park, like some of his friends. But now’s not the time to wallow in regrets. His impulses pressure him to do it again.

“How was it, baby?” Kotone coos under her breath. Her smirk and cadence still keeps Myungsoo up, in his mind and in his member, even though it has left her walls.

“I'll, uh, I need one more exercise to reassess things,” he admits, making her chuckle at his answer. Another round is in session and now, it starts with him taking the next lead. Gently, Myungsoo takes her by the hand and bends her over while maintaining their eye contact. He leaves her a few more kisses on her nape, initiating a second round with her due to his dissatisfaction about his “performance.”

“Ssaem...” she mutters, the same time they're feeling his cock expand. She's got a wild idea accumulating while receiving his cock again, now from behind. The possibility of his shaft plunging inside her other hole only elevates her expectations and accelerates her drive for his body elevenfold. “I want to... Have you, inside... my fucking—butt!”

“Next time, baby.” It's now his turn to say it, his inflection deepening like hers during their first time. “That'll—ngghh—be another lesson for–us.” His thrusts arise with his groans while Kotone slowly bends her bottom for him to reach. Seeing her butt closer makes him take one hand. A smack would be his first suggestion, yet another idea has taken over, thus forcing him to give her left cheek a squeeze.

The longer she feels a spot of her cheek tightening and heating up under the grasps of his hand, Kotone’s bursts of yelps turn into howls of gratification. “Ooooooh—Fuck!”

The fact that Myungsoo is also entertaining, nay feeding into her fantasy in real time suddenly makes Kotone yelp out subconsciously, even surprising herself and making Myungsoo let out a hoarse chuckle while his thrusts quicken and strengthen with his hand returning to her waist. “That one must have made you excited—did it—baby?”

“Ne!" she complies; his arms still holding hers from behind. “Tight—er—oppa!” Kotone screams. Myungsoo only nods, holding in his chortle as her request compels him to pull her arms closer to him. Her walls constrict around his cock as her back arches, reveling in delight down her nether, which compensates all the stress and tension on her arms— like a rubber band being pulled—as Myungsoo rams her from behind back and forth like a ravenous beast who had been released from his cage, thirsting for this woman’s touch.

The more their bodies pulsate along with their growing moans, his lover’s brown hair keeps on striking his face, like a whip, several times. But instead of finding it to be an unsettling situation, the scent of her hair only drives him to maintain his movement. 

Nevertheless, Kotone feels his hindrance from her back, forcing her to mumble “Take it—off… My tie!” with a heavy breath. Before he can comply, however, his eyes land on her exposed nape, a sight that immediately tempts him to lean in and plant his drooling lips on her. “Uggghhhh!” she yelps as her neck bends, facing the ceiling as she now finds herself on cloud nine. He circles his tongue on her damp skin, briefly imagining what he would’ve done to her cunt if she had given him a chance earlier.

Perhaps next time, he tries to assure himself, unaware that Kotone is also yearning for the same desire in her lust-crazed mind, somewhat regretting her decision to skip to the main show. For now, they happily settle on this moment: his cock plunging in and out of her cunt, with him devouring the back of her neck while she muffles her groans.

“Sooooo… Goood…” she murmurs, taking delight in the sudden lukewarm, if not chilling sensation of Myungsoo’s tongue, slithering on her nape like a snake that tastes the sweat that has accumulated on that spot in the past several minutes. Now that he’s more than satisfied with her praises, the man finally raises one hand and slides the hair tie off her, revealing her full hair to him like a princess. A fervent princess who he’s making love to.

With his manhood now reaching deeper than before, Tone's mouth slowly gapes, with her eyes half closed and tongue sticking out, a sight that propels Myungsoo to lean his head closer and latch his lips, seizing the chance to kiss her once again with insatiable appetite. “Ngggghhhhmm… Mmmmmm…”

Their saliva has become a mix of sweet and salty taste blended through the rhythm of their tongue. Myungsoo can still taste his own seed through their kiss, but Kotone’s drool, mixed in with her passion fruit lipstick, and the scent of her perfume, which always entices him, makes it too hard for him to resist.

Paralyzed by pleasure, Tone’s mouth also welcomes him with abandon while Myungsoo lets go of his arm, wrapping it around her waist once again. With both their moans and grunts muffled, their smacking lips and dancing tongues sync in with the noise of their genitals clashing against each other, yielding both ethereal and devilish satisfaction.

But eventually, her primal instinct overcomes her yearning for his touch, Kotone parts her lips from his, leaving a trail of saliva between the two as she gasps for air and gives him the ultimate signal with the words… “I’m… Oppa—please—I’m—close! Do… it!”

Knowing her reminder to him, Myungsoo lets out a groan with his final pound, bursting his seed inside her for the second time. Now, he manages to make Tone cum at the same time, her tongue still sticking out in ecstasy. Instead of letting her plummet straight into the carpet below, the man maintains his grip around Tone’s waist while she catches her breath alongside him. “Gwen…chana…yo?” he mumbles out of concern, also panting.

The woman slowly holds onto her partner's arms and turns around.  Despite her flushed skin being poured into the puddle by her own sweat, Kotone reassures him with a wide smile, with her hand rubbing on his right cheek. “Never felt better, oppa…”

Still taking a breather, Kotone takes the first step to the bed, pulling Myungsoo with her as they walk and lie on the mattress without any words. Within the silence, their bodies huddled together to keep them warm amidst the prickling breeze of the room’s air con.

“Oppa… It wasn’t just Junghoon,” she confesses to him out of the blue.

He looks down to her. “Huh?” And yet, unlike a while ago, that sense of betrayal has long left his system, replaced by wonderment as they’re both opening up at their will.

“Yooyeon-unnie also told me,” she adds. “About your little serious counseling.”

At this point, they’re now all caught up with their secrets for the whole day. “Jinjja?”

“She knew you’d hesitate, so she kinda gave me a heads-up. It just freaked me a little… And, I also had my own talk with my friends.” She turns her head from him, giggling out of embarrassment before her mind recalls the personal meetings she’s held on that same morning and afternoon. As it turns out, this couple isn’t as different as they once felt and thought they were before this night.

= = =

“Girl… Just go for it!” the tall woman seated in front of Kotone tries to lift her spirits up. “And it’s not like he friendzoned you… Some friends would even do it without feelings.”

“I don’t know unnie…” She scratches her hair. “I’m not even sure why you’re so pumped up to help me. You’re practically my boss. I mean, you’re the boss of your own team, but still… You’re Zhou-freaking-Xinyu!”

“Okay,” she raises her finger. “First of all, I’m not your boss, technically speaking, even though there’s no work today… And second—we’re old friends! Just chatting about our personal problems and thinking of solutions out of it. So I’m not Zhou Xinyu, let alone Felicia Zhou.” She follows with a sigh. “I’m just your Xinyu-unnie, hmm?”

“Well, unnie… How did you and, you know…” Kotone tilts her head. “How’d you two work things out? With your history and all, you've made the impossible–Possible...”

“We just did…” she shrugs, forming a smile that radiates warmth. “We owned up to our mistakes, embraced our faults without trying to change what we like about ourselves… The more we realized that, well, we knew that we just wanted each other even more. Besides, it’s not like your situation is that different. You and Myungsoo are literally living a friends-to-lover tale!”

A part of Kotone needed to hear those words. Those voices of insecurity and reservation whispering in her brain begin to wither, at least most of it. She couldn’t be any happier for Xinyu being in a relationship of her own, but Kotone can’t help but admit that her circumstances are not really the same as hers, in a thousand ways.

“You don’t have to overthink it, Tone-chan,” Xinyu places her hand on her left shoulder, sensing the echoes of her misgivings through her posture, somber eyes, and downward lips. “Look… I may not be the best woman to ask about relationships… but I’d say that you can learn a lot when you just let some things go with the flow.”

Nevertheless, the older woman’s words manage to ease the part of her self-worth. Prior to her current profession here, Xinyu had her own fair share of trials and tribulations.

“That’s… Not a bad thought… Huh,” Kotone realizes, but something is still irking her. “Thank you for that, unnie.”

As the words of her old friend weren’t enough, she also confided in another’s second opinion about later that afternoon. Contrasting the cafeteria of ModHaus, this friend’s apartment is a little smaller, yet arguably the more confined atmosphere and tangerine walls of the living room makes it a little cozier. Kotone is seated on one of the chairs in the dining table, allowing her friend to listen to her from the vegetable-filled counter.

“That fear. That hesitation... How did you two get past those feelings, Suhyeon-ah?”

The right corner of Suhyeon’s lips raises. “Are you asking me for more details or?”

“Oh, God…” Kotone’s mind quickly went places due to her friend’s reaction, her hands waving rapidly. “No, no! Not like that, Suhyeon-ie… I mean, Xinyu-unnie herself gave TMI when I asked for her advice, but, I’m just asking how you and Sungwoo-ssi have managed to move past your doubts. Before, you know, it happened.”

“Well… I’m not sure about Sungwoo, but for me, it just felt right that we did it—that we wanted to do it, you know—regardless of how different our lives are. I’ll always love my son and be there for him—but that doesn’t mean I can’t start over with someone else…”

With a closed smile, Suhyeon looks down on her damp hands, a few crumbs of carrots and cabbage scattered across her palms and fingertips. Even in silence, Tone senses the aura of passion and perseverance emanating from her. “Dongwon’s father left before he was born—but you and the gang, heck even my fam, reminded me that I have a life too.”

She looks at Kotone—her eyes glowing with hope. “Like you and Myungsoo-oppa… You may have been friends for a long time, but the two of you being together is a new thing that I’m sure will be scary and exciting and like when it was with Sungwoo and me, I’d rather face those things than to never be with him at all, you know?”

From her profound words, she knows it’s simple, but her own hesitation still creeps up to her, something that she tries to shake off. Kotone’s heart begins to feel warmer with appreciation, gratitude towards her close friend—both of her friends, to be exact. This hesitation is something she’s going to have to deal with herself, by facing it head-on.

“How about you, Tone-chan? I’m not asking you if you’re willing to go to the next level with oppa… but how does he make you feel? I’m sure you’ll find your answer yourself.”

Her heart starts to race. Just at the thought of her lover, as they are in each other’s arms. Their lips locking for minutes—savoring each other’s taste as their saliva exchanges and filling the silence of the air with their tongues smacking. His rough yet irresistible skin sliding with her soft skin the longer they stay on the couch. Even the times he’s tickled her almost makes her giggle. The possibility of him carrying her to his bedroom. Tone’s imagination alone makes her swallow her own throat—thirsting for this sensation, and combined with having Ji Suhyeon witness her reaction only makes her embarrassed.

A smirk forms on Suhyeon’s face. She knows. “That’s it… You better have fun, you two.”

Kotone’s throat still feels dry as her heartbeat grows louder. “May I get a glass of water?”

“Help yourself, Tone,” Suhyeon tells her from the kitchen, continuing dicing a whole onion on the counter with her smile still intact. Beside her, the steam on the pot begins to rise. Kotone walks to the cupboard, reaching the nearest glass and maintains her gaze on the water dispenser. “Something tells me that you’re gonna need more of it later.”

= = =

Listening to Tone’s counsels, Myungsoo also agrees with their sentiments. This moment feels right. That’s enough. She’s enough. She’s perfect, even if she doesn’t believe she is. He shakes his head, as relief, disbelief, and gratitude fills his mind.

“Oh… Well, I’m still sorry…” he huffs—pushing himself to complete his sentence in front of her. “I’m sorry I misread you, Tone-chan. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you enough.”

“No,” she counters with her own guilt. “I’m sorry for freaking out over nothing, oppa.”

He pulls him into his arms. She’s always loved this move from him. “Hey, hey… It wasn’t necessarily over nothing, Tone… Look where that’s gotten us now… When I’ve chickened out of following what my body desires, you’ve taken the lead first, like you always have.”

“Yah…” she giggles at his wholehearted confession, even though it’s making her heart beat a little louder than usual. “You’re complimenting me like I’m your student.”

“That wasn’t my intention,” he admits, almost embarrassed. “Must be a force of habit.”

She nuzzles on his chest, her giggles vibrating on the surface of his chest. “Cheer up. It’s not something I’m against… Since, you should know I also have a lot to learn from you,” she retorts to him, forming a provocative smirk. “—Kim Ssaem.”

“So do… I…” he takes a much deeper breath, keeping himself from giggling at her tease. “Right now, I’ve learned a lot tonight.”

“Hmm?” her eyebrow raised while she hums with lustful intrigue. “Like what?”

“Just now… he puffs. “You've given me an experience I never expected—in a long while.”

“You’re being overdramatic,” she shakes her head, giggling. “You know I can do better.”

“You’ve already rocked my world,” he chuckles. He’s already confessed that he hasn’t had sex in a long time, yet she couldn’t care less. “Whatever you’ll do, whatever we do, I’ll love and cherish it. Whatever we’ll explore—I’ll explore it with you… Because I love you, Kamimoto Kotone.”

Within a second, Kotone’s face of amusement and flirtatiousness simmers down with her smile slowly crumbling. Yet her heart couldn’t feel any more elevated. “O--ppa…”

“Why are you crying?” Worry begins to flow through his veins as he sees her eyes glisten and her voice trembles and stutters. “Tone-chan…”

“You said it… first,” she mutters, while holding the sniffle through her nose. In spite of her mix of emotions, the woman’s lips slowly recurve upwards. “Myungsoo–op—pa…”

He puts his hand on her cheek, placing his thumb where her tears are falling down. “With how long we've known each… I feel like I should've told you sooner.”

“Me too… I love you, Kim Myungsoo,” she continued to sniff with her bawling, albeit now with a sweeter smile. Following only his heartbeat, Myungsoo comforts Tone with a long, sweet tender kiss on her lips, thus allowing her to express herself through her tears of gratitude and warm reciprocation with her beloved.

Wrapped under the gray comforter, the two would still remain in each other’s arms, rubbing their noses side to side and humming amidst the blissful silence for the next several minutes next to the dim lamp on the nightstand until a certain memory flashes back to Kotone just as her tears subside. She noticed those two omamori, the ones she gave him, on his drawer right next to the bedroom door. The sight of those two items trigger another memory she can’t help but share with him at this moment.

“Oppa…” she tugs on his shoulder softly. “I, uhh, just remembered something…”

“Hmm?” his eyes moved down to her face, still sparkling as usual. “What is it, babe?”

“Your birthday’s in two weeks… Isn't it?”

“Oh…” He attempts to keep his own smile from being too obvious. Not even he himself remembers such a momentous personal detail. “You remember?” But she does. Right during the aftermath of their first time, he braces his body from reacting to his mind from conceiving certain carnal ideas, now that the chains of his platonic hindrances have been broken through this passionate night.

“How could I not?” She peppers kisses on his chest, although she keeps the very trigger that made her remember. “I know that ruins any possible surprise—”

“I don’t need surprises, Tone-chan,” he assures her, evoking humility and contentment around her presence despite feeling the appropriate response of his own member, right under their blanket. “Tonight might as well be the greatest gift I’ve had.”

“Yah… Is it because we did it?” she coos, flustered by his sentiment. Despite harboring some ideas for him on his special day, Kotone brushes them off and only feels at ease.

“That’s one factor,” he simply affirms, grinning to the teeth. “I’m still… Sorting out the rest, but they’re all because of you, beautiful.”

She giggles at his bold remark. “So… Do you mind if I stay for the night?” she asks with a much coyer tone, concealing hints of shyness as she anticipates his response.

“Is that even a question?” he scoffs, but a sigh of uncertainty leaves his breath, not much about her, but himself. “I was—umm—I was actually hoping you’d stay… A little longer.”

“Well… You got it, oppa,” Kotone finally affirms to her boyfriend, holding her sniffs for a moment. Wiggling upwards like a worm, the woman levels her gaze with Myungsoo on the same pillow as his, closing their distance as her lips touch his once more, relishing the mix of saltiness and sweetness which their hearts and bodies have been craving the whole night. But, just as their prolonged kiss would have once again progressed into an uninhibited makeout session, both parties would slowly feel a slow rumbling on the woman’s stomach.

Kotone herself becomes startled by her body’s warning. As their lips part with a short trail of saliva that quickly breaks, both are unable to conceal their laughter at her own bodily warning. “That was, uh, embarrassing,” Kotone shakes her head. “I just realized that we did it on an empty stomach�� Mianhae.”

“It’s not that embarrassing, babe…” he reassures her with two pecks, one to her nose and another on her forehead. “I’m kinda hungry too now that your tummy has brought it up, so how about we order dinner? It’s your pick… And it’ll be my treat for tonight.”

“How about some galbi?” she suggests, the trembles on her voice and sniffles subsiding.

“You want a side of samgyupsal with that one, too?” he suggests. “I'm kinda in the mood for a heavier meal.”

“Kol!” she quickly raises her hand in the air, giving him a thumbs up. “We'll just burn those calories at a later time, won't we?”

“Tone-chan!” His eyes widen as he bursts into laughter alongside her. “You perverted red panda! Aigoo… I ought to do something with you.”

“We’ve got the rest of the night, oppa,” she snickers, playing along with his proposition while giving his moist stomach four playful pats. “No need to worry about it.”

“Worry about what?”

Despite him still being a little slow in processing her remark, the woman looks up, sliding her legs on the mattress to inch herself centimeters closer to him. Her warm breath brushes in front of him, directly sending her pheromones. “Doing something with me… To me.”

Realizing what she means, Myungsoo chuckles, slowly placing his thumb on Kotone’s lower lip and whispering “I feel the same way, love,” right as they seal their love with another, sweeter smooch.

= = =

it's not as fleshed out as I wanted it to be, but I still hope you liked it. while I struggle to complete some of my current wips, I might start dropping another series, one that's not yet on my masterlist, but one that's been stuck on my drafts since forever. it'll be a little more fluff and angst at first since it's a longer series, but I hope you stay tuned for it. but for now, I hope you're having a great day! until next time.

[loseremzo]

been thinking a lot about the original script for season 7 episode 9 “Never Leave Me”.

The scene where Buffy and Spike are talking in the basement and he’s telling her to kill him, the original scripts actually goes a little more onto Buffy and WHY she wont skill him, beyond the soul.

She literally says that she isnt going to kill him because she saw him change BEFORE THE SOUL. that she believed in the man he could be beyond his monster BEFORE HIS SOUL.

They also bring in the attempt r*pe in season 6. Like they kinda talk about it in relation to who she believes he can be and in questioning him. The rest of season seven, if memory serves me correct, they NEVER talk about it. Buffy talks to others about it and its mentioned before but Spike and Buffy never really explicitly talk about it, but in the original script for this episode THEY DID. We get Buffy’s thoughts and a little of her forgiveness AND WHY she forgave him.

Not simply because of his soul, or because he knew it was so wrong that he actually needed the soul, but because she saw he was TRYING to change. Just like she was TRYING all season.

(this is about to become a deep appreciation/analysis for season 6 and 7.)

The entirety of season 6 is about trying. Trying to be better. Trying to be normal and trying to overcome your depression/heal. trying to have control and power. trying not to repeat cycles.

AND in some part failing. Spike tries too hard and ends up hurting the girl. Buffy trying and still it doesn’t feel like enough, trying and failing to get her feet on the ground until the very end of the season. Willow trying to be in control of both the things around her and of her power and failing as she gives in into the darkness. Xander trying to not be his father, not hurt those around him, specifically Anya, and in that attempt he fails and hurts her anyway.

Now, you can come at season 7 for lazy writing or bad villains but im a season 7 apologist and lover (i rewatch it all the time. i love it unapologetically) But it allows for all these characters to heal, to forgive themselves and/or others.

Spike gets to, in some capacity, forgive himself and prove his goodness. Starting the season feeling like the soul changed nothing, was “usless” in a sense because he couldn’t feel it, it couldn’t stop him. And ended the season literally saying “i can feel it” with such fucking amazement cause some part if him thought it wasn’t even there. He became the better version of himself that he wanted to be for Buffy as well.

Buffy was able to forgive Spike (very early in the season if you ask me) and was able to find/heal the softer, more loving part of herself. Was able to open herself up to a romantic interest (Spike). I mean, the look on her face when she tells Spike that he loves him isn’t just love, it’s surprised amazement that she can even feel that. And then at the end of the season, she’s able to be content because she’s got her fire, her passion, her emotions back AS WELL AS her autonomy, in a way, an ability to control her destiny and what she now can do.

Willow gains the proper control over her power, tries to not give into the darkness AND SUCCEEDS. She ends up forgiving herself for everything the year before and comes to terms with her grief, which is a big step in terms of her power and control in herself. She fully harnesses her power in the final to become what can only be described as a being of light, completely contrasting her transformation in the previous season.

Xander this season is full of compassion, protectiveness and kind words. (this is a main overview of Xander’s character. I will not be going into criticisms, just like I didn’t with other characters.) He spends the season breaking the cycle of abuse that he has experienced, he’s apologetic to Anya, he give Dawn his kind words, being protective of Buffy. For the most part he’s not rude to anyone, barely even Spike. He’s put off by him and judgmental/distrusting for obvious reasons but I don’t remember him being outright mean as he was in other seasons, instead, he houses him for a few episodes and, dare I say, bonds with him. Hell I don’t think he even says a lot in the group confrontation with Buffy.

Anyway, this was originally a draft about the original script to the Spuffy scene at the end of “Never Leave Me” and became a big vent/appreciation for all that season 7 does for these characters. There are characters I left out simply because I haven’t read or gathered enough opinion or overview of their character, but feel free to share your thoughts. (please im so bored at work right now)

[cryptotheism]

I've been saying Dante's Inferno, etc. are fanfics as a joke for a while now. Was I supposed to take it more seriously? I kinda thought everyone was joking

Imo "Dantes inferno is fanfiction" is kinda the "ketchup is a smoothie" of literary analysis. It's technically true, but not in a useful way. It only works if you stretch the definition of "fanfiction" past the point of usefulness. It is also, however, a humorous and useful shorthand for casual discussions on the internet, and it lets us engage in the proud tradition of bothering medievalists.

In all seriousness, I would argue that fanfiction as a literary phenomena requires the notion of "fandom" to exist. It's a genre that emerged out of a fairly unique mixture of access to writing ability and mass communication in the 20th century. Many, many things contributed to the formation of the genre, (Dante included, I would argue) but it's important not to mistake the flour for the cake.

There are absolutely useful, interesting, and valuable connections you can make between the literary milieu of Dante and say, the culture around Star Trek Spec Scripts, but a serious discussion of the topic would be exceedingly careful where they draw the line, and take careful note of the important differences. Differences that will inevitably be lost in most internet discussions.

I know it may be shocking to hear, but literary critics and scholars can be pompous assholes sometimes. I have no doubt that some people look down their nose at scholarly writing on fanfiction, but I have also seen people over-correct in the other direction, and seriously assert that the Arthurian Cycle is not meaningfully distinct in any way from bored moms writing pornography about a poorly funded CW show. Which I think we can all agree is silly.

All that said, while it is objectively incorrect and ahistorical, it is very funny to call the New Testament "an unauthorized fan sequel." And I will not stop doing it anytime soon.

[aibafiles]

Deciphering the invaders' language in the Hundred Line demo

After playing the hundred line demo recently, I gathered up any screenshots I could of the script the invaders use and I believe I've managed to decode all of it so far, so I wanted to share my findings here! I'll put the rest under the cut for anyone who wants to avoid it—I don't think anything I've translated so far would reveal any huge plot twists, but the game certainly doesn't expect you to be able to understand it.

Note: I'm aware that the demo has been datamined and there is plaintext of these lines, but I do not want corrections or confirmation based on this. I like piecing this together based on what the game has presented, nothing more!

Below the cut: translations of dialogue and UI text, character charts and other observations, and an analysis of the spoken language as well! (warning: long)

First things first, this language is a very straightforward kana-only Japanese in a different script. I started with the text under each main menu option, so let's look at these:

"Press any button" はじめる Hajimeru Start

The : mark next to the second character functions just like dakuten—the base character is し (shi), which becomes voiced to make じ (ji).

"New Game" はじめから Hajime kara From start

"Continue" つづきから Tsuzuki kara From next

"Load" きろくから Kiroku kara From

Pretty straightforward—I got stuck here for way too long because I thought these were -masu verbs and then nothing else made sense, oops.

"Gallery" せってい Settei Settings

"Settings" がろう Garou Gallery

"End Game" しゅうりょう Shuuryou End

Another sticking point here—the text on settings and gallery are actually switched. One danger of putting a fake language in your game is that you risk not being able to read it and messing it up in places (hi Metaphor), and though it's not really critical, this is not the only goof so far. (EDIT: This has been patched!)

Note that the smaller characters here are are reflected in the script as well, like the っ in せってい.

Cutscene dialogue

The subtitles for our commander's transformation cutscene, and a rough translation:

いだいなほしのかみよ… Idai na hoshi no kami yo... God of a great star(/planet)...

われにちからをあたえよ…！ Ware ni chikara wo atae yo...! Grant me power...!

むげんたい…！！ Mugentai...!! Eternal body...!!

ぼくは…「ちつじょのけしん」むゔゔむ… Boku wa... [Chitsujo no Keshin] Muvuvumu... I am... the [Avatar of Order] Muvuvumu... (MVVM?)

This was the section I struggled the most with, so there could be inaccuracies, but I'm reasonably confident in most of it.

Post-Battle Dialogue

Here's the very straightforward part:

こ、ころさないで… Ko-korosanaide... D-Don't kill me...

ゆるしてください Yurushite kudasai... Please forgive me...

おねがい…たすけて… Onegai... tasukete... Please... spare me... (or help me, but spare felt most fitting in this context)

And that's about everything we have so far! Here are my very janky kana charts, one for the script and one for the spoken language:

The most obvious observation is that the general shape seems to indicate the vowel sound, and the extra swoopy bits indicate the consonant, though some vowels are more consistent than others.

There's a general pattern among each consonants as well—N-shapes have loops or curls, S-shapes have angular lines that hook over the vowel shape, pure vowels have tiny loops, etc, but there aren't clear-cut enough patterns to extrapolate the rest of the language yet. Luckily I think there's enough so far that any remaining characters won't be too hard to place.

Let's talk about the spoken component as well! Notably, the commander is dubbed differently in English and Japanese, but both voice actors seem to be reading the same set of syllables, which gave me more sample data to work with, because they inflect their vowels a little differently. Like the written language, each kana has a 1:1 replacement syllable, but the nature of these syllables changes the cadence of the sentences when spoken.

The above chart is transcribed to the best of my ability, but it's possible I got a few sounds wrong, and I can't quite make out what the tsu in chitsujo is through the voice filter. I'm considering replaying the demo with the music and sound effects off to pick these voice lines out, and if I do, I'll edit this post and drop a reply noting it! There are also some unsubbed battle voice lines I'm curious about.

What's really interesting to me is how these new syllables interact with dakuten. Plenty of unvoiced consonants are replaced with voiced ones, or the other way around—but there are a few, like ta (now tu) and te (now se). When the Japanese script uses dakuten, the new syllables get voiced too, becoming du and ze. This tripped me up a bit, and it does cause some confusing duplicates (ku is already pronounced du), but it's fascinating that it bleeds through into the new pronunciation.

One other thing I noticed when analyzing these voice lines is that the English dub of the transformation cutscene straight up uses the wrong audio clip for the final line. The Japanese audio matches the syllable count, and those syllables match up with the ones we've heard in the other voice lines, but the English line seems to have too many syllables, and doesn't match at all. JP starts with "diduwa..." and EN starts with something like "mozoku en." I'm wondering if it's possible to reverse engineer this to figure out the original line, but that's another thing that would need scrutiny from a voice-only recording.

Misc. Observations

These little guys have the character for "o" on their faces! Also pronounced "ga" in the invaders' language.

I'm really intrigued by this graffiti on the walls when Takumi chases Karua into the abandoned school district, because this game is full of Japanese graphic text in the environments, so this can't be a case of generic unreadable background text—but it doesn't quite fit the invader script, either. A few shapes sort of match the characters if you rotate or invert them different ways, but I can't parse anything readable out of this. There are repeated shapes, like the topmost "word" in the first two images that appears to be the same, but written with slightly different strokes, so I have to assume there's meaning to it. Not sure what that is, but I wanted to include it in this post just in case.

Thanks for reading! this game is going to drive me insane

[morlock-holmes]

A lot of mutuals and people I see on my dash read Umberto Eco's essay "Ur-Fascism" in a very hostile way, such that I have now re-read it several times, because frequently I read criticisms, and go, "Wait, that doesn't seem to match the essay I remember" and I go back to check.

What's basically at stake in the essay is that Eco asserts that Italian fascism was extremely contradictory and incoherent when you try to view it as an ideology:

Italian fascism was the first right-wing dictatorship that took over a European country, and all similar movements later found a sort of archetype in Mussolini’s regime... Nevertheless, historical priority does not seem to me a sufficient reason to explain why the word fascism became a synecdoche, that is, a word that could be used for different totalitarian movements. This is not because fascism contained in itself, so to speak in their quintessential state, all the elements of any later form of totalitarianism. On the contrary, fascism had no quintessence. Fascism was a fuzzy totalitarianism, a collage of different philosophical and political ideas, a beehive of contradictions. Can one conceive of a truly totalitarian movement that was able to combine monarchy with revolution, the Royal Army with Mussolini’s personal milizia, the grant of privileges to the Church with state education extolling violence, absolute state control with a free market? The Fascist Party was born boasting that it brought a revolutionary new order; but it was financed by the most conservative among the landowners who expected from it a counter-revolution. At its beginning fascism was republican. Yet it survived for twenty years proclaiming its loyalty to the royal family, while the Duce (the unchallenged Maximal Leader) was arm-in-arm with the King, to whom he also offered the title of Emperor. But when the King fired Mussolini in 1943, the party reappeared two months later, with German support, under the standard of a “social” republic, recycling its old revolutionary script, now enriched with almost Jacobin overtones. There was only a single Nazi architecture and a single Nazi art. If the Nazi architect was Albert Speer, there was no more room for Mies van der Rohe. Similarly, under Stalin’s rule, if Lamarck was right there was no room for Darwin. In Italy there were certainly fascist architects but close to their pseudo-Coliseums were many new buildings inspired by the modern rationalism of Gropius.

The question for Eco is essentially, how did the fascists decide who was fascist and who wasn't? The Italian fascists were hardly tolerant, they blatantly and aggressively destroyed their enemies, and yet at the same time people who almost certainly would have been liquidated by the Nazis were counted as good, proper fascists in Italy.

So what is it that made observers both inside and outside the ideology look and go, "Italian Fascism and Naziism are both forms of Fascism" and also, how did the Italian fascists decide who was a fascist and who was an enemy of fascism to be ruthlessly destroyed?

Because it does not seem to have been any kind of coherent ideology or intellectually consistent philosophy or standard.

Rather, to Eco, and to a lot of people, it seems to have been more of a kind of psychological/emotional approach to the world; certain emotional reactions characterized the fascists, and Eco attempts to illuminate what those emotions were.

I don't think there's much point in saying "Well, pretty much any ideology that includes an enemy must conceive of the enemy as strong enough to do damage and yet weak enough to be worth fighting, so having an enemy which is both too strong and too weak isn't really meaningful in an analysis of fascism"

First of all, Eco himself already says,

"I think it is possible to outline a list of features that are typical of what I would like to call Ur-Fascism, or Eternal Fascism. These features cannot be organized into a system; many of them contradict each other, and are also typical of other kinds of despotism or fanaticism."

Bolding mine.

But besides that, there is, as I said earlier, a genuine importance in drawing a distinction between the psychology that animates "We're going up against the best team in the league, but we've been improving all season and we're going to go out there and show them what we are made of" and "Damn Jews always stick together and help themselves, they don't care about the country."

Or, for that matter, between "Someday, you won't have power over me anymore." and "Someday, I'm going to put you back in your place."

The rebuttal, I suspect, would be to focus on the political organization of the fascist nations, how they organized and delegated political power. But part of that has to be how the fascists made decisions about who was in and who was out.

I've been thinking a lot recently about how radicals and conspiracy theorists relate to each other.

Donald Trump is a staunch ally of Israel; his son, Eric, has spoken at the Reawaken America tour, a tour that has hosted multiple holocaust deniers as speakers. Like, flat out sympathizers with Adolf Hitler who say that the holocaust never happened but that Hitler was right to try to "defend" Germany from the Jews.

So what is it that allows tour organizer Clay Clark, and Eric Trump, and holocaust deniers like Ian Smith to say, "Yeah, we're all on the same side here"?

I don't think it's a coherent ideology, I think it is closer to a shared set of emotional reactions to the world.

[nataliescatorccioapologist]

A Lottie Matthews Deep Dive/Character Analysis

**created pre-Season 3**

Let’s talk about an enigmatic, other-worldly, lonely weird girl who may or may not be the leader of a cult.

General Information

Charlotte (Lottie) Matthews is played by Courtney Eaton and Simone Kessel on Yellowjackets. Lottie is 17 years-old at the start of the series in the teen timeline and approximately 43 years-old in the adult timeline. She grew up in the (fictional) town of Wiskayok, New Jersey.

She is described in the script as a “tightly wound, statuesque, lonely rich girl.” Lottie is gentle and soft-spoken until she finds her voice through her spirituality and leadership. She is deeply empathetic with a natural gift for guiding and helping others, but there is a darkness under the surface that she has been struggling to keep from taking over for her entire life.

Childhood and Relationship with Parents

Lottie is the only child of Malcolm and Emilia Matthews. Due to her father’s success in business, Lottie grew up in a very wealthy home (wealthy enough to have maids and to be able to afford a private plane). However this wealth came at a cost, as Lottie’s father’s busy work schedule resulted in him rarely being around. Lottie stated that her father buying the team a private plane was “basically his only form of parenting.” When Malcolm was around, it seems like he was cold, distant, and critical of Lottie.

We see that, as a child, Lottie often had strange “visions,” including a time in which she prevented her and her family from getting into a potentially fatal car crash.

The aftermath of this incident allows us to see how Lottie’s unusual behavior was handled by each of her parents when she was growing up. While Emilia seemed to believe that Lottie was had a “gift” and was connected to something greater, Malcolm was adamant that Lottie was “sick” and needed psychiatric help. Due to Malcolm’s influence and control in the family, it is clear that his mentality is the one that prevailed, and Lottie grew up believing that there was something wrong with her.

From what we have seen of Malcolm so far, it is clear that he was very controlling of Lottie and hyper focused on maintaining the family’s image. He is happy to take the reigns and make major life decisions for Lottie (including checking her into a psychiatric facility and agreeing to have her go through electroshock therapy) in order to maintain this spotless, prim and proper family picture. His insistence that Lottie needs to be “fixed” after she’s rescued says a lot about how he views Lottie and her trauma.

I believe Malcolm’s criticism and control of Lottie is to blame for her quiet, “tightly wound” and “statuesque” demeanor described in the script. She has learned to make herself presentable and acceptable, which means not using her voice and being rigid as she attempts to push down her natural thoughts and behaviors. I think it says a lot that Lottie regularly steals from TJ Maxx even though she definitely has the funds to afford pretty much anything she wants. It’s her subtle way of rebelling against her father’s control. Lottie has a strict set of standards she must live by, and stealing is her way of feeling free and unrestricted.

Mental Illness and Struggle to Appear ‘Normal’

Likely due to Malcolm’s insistence that something is wrong with Lottie, we see her taking Loxapine (an antipsychotic often prescribed to people diagnosed with schizophrenia) in the Pilot episode. Over the years, it does seem like Lottie deeply internalized her father’s beliefs about her mental state. We can see how fearful she appears when she’s counting how many pills she has left after the crash. She’s learned that the pills allow her to appear “acceptable,” and she’s ashamed of who she is without them due to her father’s emphasis that she is “sick.” I think that some part of Lottie is afraid of herself; she knows there is something in her, deep down, that is dangerous.

We can see this bubbling under the surface in the Pilot episode, as Lottie tries her best to appear normal and fit in with her classmates. I feel like her fashion sense in the first few episodes perfectly exemplifies this. In the Pilot episode, we see Lottie in cute little pigtails and, in the party scene, a cropped pink fuzzy sweater with a plaid mini skirt that looks like something Cher would wear in Clueless.

This is a popular style for a teenage girl in the 90s, but something about it feels inauthentic and slightly off when Lottie wears it. It looks more like a performance of what Lottie thinks a girl her age should be wearing rather than an actual representation of who she is. After the plane crash, Lottie initially clings to this look, but as she discovers her connection to spirituality, her clothing gradually evolves. She transitions from cropped brightly colored baby tees and preppy sweaters—notably echoing Jackie’s fashion sense—to long, flowing dresses. As an adult, she embraces bohemian kaftans and shawls. In these more eccentric and ethereal outfits, she appears much more relaxed and natural, contrasting with the rigidity she exhibits when trying to fit in.

We can see this in the way she talks, as well. She’s quiet and soft-spoken, at first, afraid what might happen if she expresses who she truly is, but we can see a hint of something a little more bold underneath (thinking of that amazing Danny Mears cousin comeback Lottie threw at Mari). As Lottie starts to believe in herself and her abilities, she starts to speak up more.

Laura Lee, The Wilderness, and Finding a Voice

Laura Lee is instrumental in Lottie’s development from quiet weird girl into the influential leader we see in the adult timeline. After the plane crash (and as Lottie’s meds run out), Lottie starts to have strange visions/hallucinations (including seeing a deer with shredded antlers, a red river, and smoke). At first, Lottie hides these visions as she likely has been doing her whole life due to her father’s insistence. But, once she confides in Laura Lee and Laura Lee actually believes her, we see Lottie’s view of herself begin to shift. Laura Lee is the first person to stand by her and insist that Lottie has a gift, and that her eccentricities are something to be proud of rather than ashamed of.

The baptism scene marks a major shift in Lottie’s character, as it is the beginning of Lottie’s connection to spirituality and “The Wilderness.” The mental illness rhetoric that her father has been feeding her her whole life is finally shattered, and a new image of herself is developing. This is only strengthened as Lottie’s visions begin to come true (Nat and Travis brining back the deer with the shredded antlers, Tai’s expedition group stumbling across a red river, the smoke from the flare gun Tai uses to scare off the wolves). As more people begin to believe in Lottie, we see her leading prayer circles, giving directions, and even standing up to Natalie when she challenges her. The Wilderness has finally allowed her to be her authentic self, which is why we see her so devastated when they are rescued.

Lottie’s selective mutism after they are rescued is representative of how important the Wilderness was to Lottie finding her voice. Now that The Wilderness is gone and Lottie is back to the real world (and back under her father’s thumb), her voice is gone with it. She went from being worshipped and being a leader to being strapped down, electrocuted, and held against her will in a psych ward.

Thankfully, Lottie finds her voice again as an adult, when she starts her wellness center (cult?).

Influence and Intentions

Lottie’s influence over others is undeniable. In the teen timeline, she managed to get an entire group of people who previously thought she was crazy to follow her every direction and worship her as a spiritual figure (including even the most extreme skeptics, Tai and Nat). In the adult timeline, she manages to get hundreds (possibly thousands) of people to devote their lives to her teachings and guidance. We can see just how magnetic Lottie is in the scene where the survivors reunite for the first time, the look of pure awe on Van’s face says it all:

Lottie has a lot of power, and, as the overused saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. Lottie’s intentions are usually good. She wants to help and protect others, but her power and influence always ends up spiraling into something darker, resulting in disastrous consequences for her and those around her. She believes the Wilderness is protecting them, so she follows its lead in order to ensure the survival of her teammates. This results in cannibalistic rituals and a descent into complete primacy. She wants to help Shauna release her rage, so she lets her nearly beat her to death. This causes the group to do the card draw to save her life, which results in Javi’s death. She wants to help Travis reconnect with the Wilderness so that he can put an end to the visions that are tormenting him, which results in his death. She wants to save Nat’s life, so she kidnaps her and keeps her against her will at her compound. She wants to have one more hunt to appease the Wilderness and end the suffering she and the rest of the survivors are experiencing, which results in Nat’s death.

Lottie even has good intentions in crowning Nat as the new Antler Queen. Lottie sees how much her power has become warped and misguided after the group kills Javi to save her, so she chooses the most grounded and skeptical person of the group, Nat, as the new leader in an attempt to lead the group away from the dark path they are following. However, she doesn’t realize the burden she is placing on Nat, crowning her the leader right as the group has descended into something more evil and primal. She has taken the weight of the groups sins and placed it onto Nat, whose sanity is already clearly beginning to deteriorate. I imagine that Lottie’s well-intentioned decision to crown Nat as the new leader will spiral just as the rest of her intentions do, and more people will die and/or suffer as a result.

The Dark Side of Lottie

While Lottie is generally a gentle person, we’ve seen hints of a much darker version of herself come to the surface. The first time we really see this shift is Doomcoming, when Lottie locks Jackie in the pantry and hunts Travis down with the intention to kill him. Lottie’s laughter when Nat pushes her to the ground is definitely chilling and shows us that there is an unhinged side of Lottie that is capable of hurting people.

We see this again when Lottie insists on reinstating the hunt in the adult timeline, as she becomes insistent that she or one of the other survivors must die to appease the Wilderness. It’s definitely unsettling to see the crazed look in her eyes as she’s shuffling the cards for the hunt and after Callie shoots her in the adult timeline.

The circumstances around Travis’ death are still suspicious, as well. Was Lottie telling Nat the truth? Or did the dark side of her take over and intentionally sacrifice Travis to the Wilderness? And why did she drain his bank account after his death? And there are certainly some ethical concerns surrounding Lottie’s wellness center. Is Lottie preying on the trauma and vulnerability of her patients at the wellness center? Cutting them off from the outside world and their families and having them devote their lives to her is kind of creepy manipulative cult-leader behavior. And is there some part of Lottie that enjoys the power she holds over her patients at the compound? Was there some part of her that enjoyed having power over the group in the wilderness?

Lottie has been trying to push down and hide this unhinged side of herself for her whole life. While adult Lottie is more sure of herself and confident than we have ever known her before, she is still struggling with the same battle she was before the plane crash. Lottie is still confining a part of herself that she feels is dangerous. She still worries about her impact on others and her ability to hurt people. We see that Lottie has been in therapy for years. She’s back on the meds, and she’s pushing down the side of herself that believes in the Wilderness. She insists that the visions and feelings she is having are not real. We can see how afraid she is of that primal side of herself reemerging during the hypnosis scene with Nat.

The fear on her face when she realizes she's stepping back into that Antler Queen role is palpable. She doesn't want to step back into that role, but feels like it is out of her control. When the other survivors arrive at her compound, she initially wants them to leave, fearing her own reaction if she is around them for too long. However, her fear isn't enough to stop her from returning to her old ways, and, unfortunately, her allegiance to the Wilderness has fatal consequences in the Season 2 finale.

Season 3

In the aftermath of Nat's death in the adult timeline and Lottie usurping her leadership to Nat in the teen timeline, I think Season 3 will see some major shifts in Lottie. In the wilderness, she will have to grapple with no longer being the leader of the group, and the potential loss of purpose and direction that goes along with that. How will she feel watching Nat lead the group that used to worship her? Will she agree with Nat's decisions? Will the group still have allegiance to her over Nat? What is Lottie's relationship with the Wilderness like now that, according to her, she can't "hear it" anymore? Is Lottie the one under the Antler Queen hood after all?

In the adult timeline, Lottie will have to come to terms with the fact that she is partially responsible for Nat's death and the guilt and regret that may come along with that. There is also a high likelihood that she will be sent to a psychiatric hospital after the events of Season 2, so we may see her trying to once again reconcile the part of herself that wants to accept that she is mentally ill and the part of herself that truly believes in the Wilderness entity. We have also seen a casting for "Mr. Matthews" in Season 3, which likely means we will see the return of Lottie's father. Seeing her dynamic with her father as an adult will be very interesting. Will she fall back under his control? Or will she speak up and fight back against him this time? What will Lottie's relationships with the other Yellowjackets look like now?

Anyways, Lottie is a tragic, tormented character and I absolutely love her and all of her weirdness. I can't wait to see what Season 3 has in store for her.

[hanamukes]

Uika in Ave Mujica episode 4

For episodes 1-3 of the Ave Mujica anime, I felt like while there was definitely stuff going on with Uika that's worth unpacking, the scenes were straightforward enough in what they wished to convey that I didn't feel like they warranted explanation. Episode 4 has completely turned my view of this character on its head though. It feels as if her every word and action in this episode completely contradicts what we knew of her prior. What is going on with her?

I wanted to talk about her in a longform post, so here I am. This is maybe half analysis, half just me rambling my thoughts on what's happening on screen.

DISCLAIMER: If you're not familiar with the way I discuss this character, let me make it clear now that I absolutely love her! This post is essentially a love poem dedicated to how fantastic I think her writing is. That said my tone here might come off a bit sharp, because of how contradictory she is (which I say as a compliment) and how I want to grab her by the scruff and shake her until she tells me what's going on inside that head of hers. Just wanted to mention something before anyone gets the impression I'm criticizing her or the writing when I'm doing nothing of the sort.

Her first moment happens and immediately a lot stands out to me

First: the models in this anime fall under two specifications, girls who always have a blush programmed in and girls who don't. For instance, Sakiko has one so she's always blushing no matter her mood. Uika doesn't. But throughout this entire episode, she does. Why? Why is she so... eerily happy, in a way we have never seen her before?

Secondly, what is her aim here? Sakiko expressed her discomfort with everyone's attitudes, and rather than just being "Sakiko's second voice" as she has been up until now (take the episode 3 fight as an example), she's taking everyone else's side. Her actions are already in total contradiction with the Uika we've seen up until now, who didn't care about anything except easing Sakiko's feelings

Then this happens. Uika is basically in la-la land daydreaming about having her destiny tied to Sakiko's forever (especially because Nyamu points out that sounds like something Sakiko would say), yet she's ignoring her beloved who sits on the other side of the table

Uika, do you really love Mujica as it is when Sakiko's expressing to you directly that she's unhappy?

Ironically, when she does acknowledge Sakiko directly, it only leads to further frustration for Sakiko

Because she's focusing on the wrong thing. She's more worried about Sakiko's exhaustion from writing songs (which is something she can physically see, thus easily pick up on) rather than Sakiko's concerns with the band (which is something she'd have to actually stop to think about). It really feels like she doesn't understand Sakiko at all. How much does she actually stop to think about her feelings? How surface leveled, rose-colored lens does she view her?

Her actions here scream, "well, so long as I get to stay with Sakiko, I don't actually care if she's happy," regardless of if that's her intent. Sometimes your inner feelings aren't enough, Uika. Sakiko is actively looking miserable in front of you and what are you doing about it?

Are you really just going to leave without saying anything to her? You express concern when halfway out the door, yet when face to face with Sakiko, you act like nothing is wrong?

Again, yes, Sakiko is exhausted, but that's not all there is to it Uika. And she hasn't exactly been subtle about what she's worried about!

Mortis keeps the focus of the conversation to Sakiko having to write all the scripts (thus prompting Uika to point out that she's been pulling all-nighters and maybe that's the problem), but I quite like this line, as there's a lot to unpack here

前はそういうの絶対見せなかったのに

The translation gets the idea across fine to be clear, but in Japanese, there's an emphasis on the "never" part. It feels unthinkable to Uika that Sakiko would perhaps lash out, or show her exhaustion to the others. Kind of putting a mental pin in this because that's not the impression we, the viewers, have seen from prior episodes (Sakiko in this episode was acting incredibly in line with what we've seen of her already in this anime), so I wonder where Uika got this idea from. It makes you wonder just what Uika's impression of "normal" or "prior" Sakiko is

This line is genuinely sweet of her, if not a bit ironic because Uika's already absolutely overworking herself for Sakiko, which Sakiko pointed out in episode 1 (a lot of the officially published interviews have been pointing this out over and over too, just as a side note). They really want to ease each other's burdens...

Yeah, we're not even being subtle about Uika having to "borrow" ways to cheer people up anymore

I actually noticed this about her even back in It's MyGO. When Uika comforted Tomori in episode 10, it was eerily close to what Sakiko did in episode 3. Tomori even associated Uika's actions as being reminiscent of Sakiko's behavior. I had no evidence about Uika copying what Sakiko did then (I don't... think? know? that Uika saw Sakiko's meeting with Tomori and thus could copy it), but now? There's evidence that perhaps her acts of generosity are in fact just things she's imitating from others. If you're curious about the It's MyGO example of this, I highly recommend watching this for yourself

Oh, I'll also mention that in my pre-anime analysis post for Uika, I mentioned she probably doesn't "shine" at all as an idol without Mana, and she more or less just confirmed that for us

Again there's a lot to unpack with this part

Hoo boy. Let's go back an episode. In episode 3, Uika was feeling insecure about the fact Sakiko "knew" Mutsumi "very well since they were kids." She looked visibly bothered by it before changing the topic. So hearing from "Mutsumi" herself that "Actually, you're the one closest to Sakiko, not me" must be making her day. Mortis is actively using Uika's affection for Sakiko against her (well, for the sake of the band, but she's still manipulating (for lack of a better word) her regardless). It's a bit harrowing when you realize that Uika's happy that her "competition" for being close with Sakiko is dead, despite her not realizing Mutsumi more or less is dead at this point...

Moving on to the scene in her apartment, my only addition here is... well, it sure is something how the only things she said to Sakiko were what Mortis told her to say. She has no lines here that weren't just parroting advice. Is that really all you have to say to your beloved?

This is an interesting comment from her

Because there's a couple ways you could interpret this. Is Uika referring to the "stiff" expression, or the close proximity? We know for Sumimi, she views herself as having a "terrible expression" (when Mana's not around to change her energy), but it's also not lost on me that it could also be referring to "my image of Sumimi [where we take photos together in close proximity]"

Sakiko's reaction to this is what makes it so meaningful to me

Nyamu and the photographers are saying "this doesn't look like Mujica at all, but that's a good thing," which Sakiko is obviously displeased about. Why would going against Mujica's worldview be a good thing? And yet... even Uika, who founded the band with her and who writes all their songs, is saying she likes the photo. Once again, Uika is completely disregarding Sakiko's feelings despite how close she is to her. Physically, they're almost close enough to brush shoulders, but emotionally, I don't think Sakiko's ever felt further from her. The betrayal in her face and voice feels so obvious, yet Uika's still in la-la land like she was earlier in the episode and doesn't acknowledge it at all... we really can put ourselves in Sakiko's shoes throughout the whole episode, because truly, what is going through Uika's head?

Uika doing sweet gestures for Sakiko. This is the character I recognize!

It's not lost on me that 1. she has two umbrellas like she does in her apartment, and 2. there's this almost eerie focus on Uika making coffee for people. I say this because the opening itself has a shot of her mugs, there's that weirdly placed clip of coffee dripping in episode 2 (it's also in one of the trailers), the donut scene in episode 3, and now this. I'll be interested in seeing why this is so important to her

I do wish we had gotten to see the conversation Uika and Sakiko had here. Sakiko has a habit of brushing Uika off, but she was finally able to open up to her about something. They finally talked together amidst all of this miscommunication and not understanding one another, but we didn't get to see it... (which may be a sign they didn't really talk about much, but hey, I like my Uisaki crumbs where I can get them)

Thank you for the confirmation that Uika would be the first victim in a slasher film. Moving on

I love the way this comment is framed. If Sakiko left the band, who would be most hurt? Sakiko or Uika?

Uh oh. She's having her words used against her

What she said in episode 3 was honestly a bit careless* (she said it in front of Sakiko, who famously broke up Crychic by leaving it)... but she did have a point. She just wanted to articulate that Ave Mujica should be the 5 of them, and that surely they have a strong enough bond that if one of them left, they wouldn't be able to carry on and just "find a replacement," right? She's our kindhearted front of the band who loves everyone equally, right?

Well

(To clarify the translation, it's not super clear whether Uika said this directly to her, or if Mortis just hit the nail on the head)

Oops! Now that's an awkward position to be in, especially in front of Sakiko herself! Zero denial either...

(*I'll just tack this thought on here, but there's potential Uika's "Please don't hate me" line from the trailer could be because she feels guilt for having said the "if one member quits it's over" line (and thus bringing about the downfall of the band))

Last thing for this episode...

Same, Mortis. What? Why does she have no fight in her? Why doesn't she care? Why is she not saying anything? Are her feelings of guilt, embarrassment and self-hatred actually overpowering her drive to be with Sakiko? Is it over for her, now that the cat's out of the bag regarding the fact she only ever cared about the band to be with Sakiko?

I noticed she acted like a kicked puppy in episode 3 as well. When someone points out how selfish she actually is, she loses all her edge and goes quiet. She wants to escape the situation. She can't fight against what's true about her (the ugliness in her heart), after all, lest she drives herself into a corner as a hypocrite even more than she already has. But her reactions are fascinating to me, because you'd think the front of the band, and someone who swore her life to Sakiko out of profound love for her, would put up more of a fight to keep the band together so she can stay with her. She's not doing damage control at all, she's just taking the hits and all the impact that comes with it. Maybe it's some form of self harm...

(I'm also incredibly curious to know what Sakiko thought of all of this, but maybe that was the least of her concerns...)

Anyway, we'll see what happens next week. I wonder if and when we'll get closure on why she's been so apathetic to Sakiko, despite her claimed devotion for her. I get the impression Sakiko will be moving out (next episode?), so we'll have to see how she reacts to that...