#second ask ive ever gotten woah!

[commiemoth]

mm every ask on the happy ask list :> Go

Oaky!! :3

sunflower: if there was a city that was most leik me i think itd be maybe irithyll from dark souls 3? Its not real but leik, its cold and full of knights and thats Me As Hell, and id want to go through the door but everything in the city would kill me so :/

Pink: sunsets!! Im not a morning person but i also romanticize dusk and sunsetting a lot

Freshly cut grass: im definitely not a morning person, leik ya cuz i stay up late but also i think because night fits me better

Journal: hell yeah id dye my hair!!!! Id want to die a strip of it blond or maybe the whole thing jeans gray-blue or jeans gray-purple! ,,, my jair

Painting: im creative in ways leik making music but also i think up really complex fleshed out worlds all the time and think up all the characters (and then i never write any down and i forget) and also i think a lot about stuff? Idk :P

Waves: the music i cant listen to is like modern country because a lot of the themes in it dont jive well with me, or any music that talks about stealing/winning over someone’s significant other because it makes me paranoid and awful, also some modern edm music i cant listen to because its either annoying, bad music from a person that used to make gud music (subjectively), or the songs premise is a shitty triggered joke

Writing: i never write letters because texting is a thing, but id love to write letters as long as they arent to adults or anyone because i romanticized letter writing a lot :/ if i really had a choice tho id rather spend time with someone most of the time than texting or writing to them

Waterfalls: o boy here we go!! >:3c my ideal date would start in bed at night (not in a weird way) and my significant other and i are cuddling and just in general being close to on another and i would be able to see the stars’ reflection off of their eyes, then in the morning one of us gets up and makes hot chocolate for the other, then we both get ready in warm wintery clothes leik fluffy boots, sweaters, sharing a scarf,, then we go on a walk outside in the snow and just take it all in while we hold hands and talk, then we go to either a museum where we look at all the cool bugs and exhibits or a movie that really resonates with both of us idk wat that would be, afterwards we go to dowtown frederick and shop around a bit, then we stop for dinner at a place that has sushi and kimchi noodles and is a dinner date, then we walk home as its snowing and share a kiss in the snow before going inside, then lay on the roof and watch the sun set, and then once its dark we go inside and lay in bed and fall asleep in eachothers arms

Jdjdjd thats a lot but honestly anytime i spend time with them is the best time so any date we have is guaranteed to be the best :3

Freckles: first thing in my mind that makes me happy? Ollie ollie ollie!!! Other than that maybe experiencing beautiful things leik (ollie), castles, forests, mountains, snow falling, sun sets and dusk or twilight, valleys and plains,,, that would be cool

Dimples: id rather be invited on a night out! Idk wat people on those but if i go hiking and physical exercise of basically any kind i would die :l

Blushing: the raddest person i know is ollie! They are shorter than me by a little bit but tall at heart if that makes sense, they have the fluffiest curly brown hair, they are strong and caring and kind, their eyes radiate an infectious happiness that ive never seen in anyone else, theyre features are defined but also soft and inviting looking, they act more confidently than me and are in general happy and easy to talk to, in terms of looks they are the epitome of softgoth and are visually striking (you see them and are leik “oh dam”) they are the best person i know and the way they are makes me feel safe and comfortable whenever im around them; leik im at home for the first time ever

Thats really sappy i uhhhhhhhhh am gay :/

Watercolour: anything at all really but when they infodump about the story theyre working on (or anything else) its so gud :,) or when they are really concentrated on something leik drawing!

Pink: if i could smell one smell for the rest of my life it would be the smell of hot chocolate on christmas eve morning as im waking up and playing destiny in 2016 , im dont think it want to smell it forever tho because its gud because it doesnt happen that often

Icy: homemade is nice but i suck at it so takeout!! Also you dont have to clean much for takeout

Rosè: im Shy! As! Hell! I love it honestly because i feel leik being shy is really cute? And it works well too because my significant other isnt shy!

Cloud: Novo Amor- Anchor : this makes me feel soft and warm like im being hugged slowlyBucky- Brighton (or any of the songs off his new ep) : makes me feel so so sad and calm leik melancholyLorn- Never Enough : this song makes me feel fuckin badass and is gud to jam toSYKES- Glimmer (diamond eyes remix) : this song makes me feel dancey and happy and in love!!!The Upbeats- A Place For You : this song makes me feel a whole lot emotion, probably gud hard to pinpoint, when the lady singing goes ooooOooO^^ooooooooo it gives me chills

Silk:Lorn- Never EnoughGalantis- Harder Faster BetterNero- Two MindsKrewella- Ring Of FireMadeon&Passion Pit- Pay No Mind

White sheets: i want to visit every planet in the solar system!! (Pluto to!!) i think it would be so cool to visit places so different from earth and also having different views of the stars would be cool (i wish i could be a space traveler)! Since thats probably really unrealistic ive always wanted to visit japan and see the mountains and nature and go to museums and learn about samurai, or id leik to visit somewhere with lots of castles and knights!

Black nail polish: i dont often pamper myself but id say either going to the zi pani and getting a blt on plain bagel with no tomato because its nostalgic and feels nice or, dressing in my favortie clothes my doctor who jacket and doctor who socks because theyre so comfy and make me feel better! Also hot chocolate!

Hidden beaches: i prefer to hang out one on one definitely! But sometimes a group makes it easier because it takes the pressure of off me specifically

Crossed fingers: my hair is brown, used to be black, is straight (as opposed to curly), people say its soft sometimes, swooped to the side currently, and trying to be longer in the future!

Mocktails: cold weather cold weather cold weather!! Im a soft coldboy and this is my natural habitat, cold weather almost always looks nicer/more aesthetic in my opinion and also gives me an excuse to stay inside, warm weather (not hot tho) makes me warm inside tho and helps prevent depression a little bit so its gud but i still prefer cold

Thanks for askin!! :3

[atlabeth]

transferred part 17 - atla smau

part 16 | masterlist | part 18 

summary: trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know he’s falling for you as well. 

a/n: ahahah a ??? im sorry?? that this took so long?? as you know ive been dying of school and exams and even though ive gotten a couple oneshots out and did my celebration i just have not had the energy to write a whole mf chapter. but it’s here ! after a month of waiting

wc: 4.8k she is a LONG ONE FOLKS prepare yourselves

warning(s): cursing, alcohol and getting drunk, toxic relationships, mentions of cheating, implied emotional abuse, y/n having a breakdown, just an overall mess 

-

“Katara, don’t pull so hard!” You exclaimed, reaching a hand up to touch your scalp. You had entrusted your sister with styling your hair for the party tonight, but only after insistent nagging on her part. She had invited — or forced, as you liked to call it — you over to their dorm to get ready for the party that night together and do all kinds of girl talk. You figured this was a trap to get you to talk about you and Zuko, but it’s not like you would deny an opportunity to hang out with some of your favorite girls. 

“Sorry,” she chuckled. “Just think of it as retribution for all the times that you pulled my hair like this when you did my braids.” 

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly and glanced over at Toph and Suki who had already gotten ready but still lounging around the dorm to hang out. “So.” 

“So?” Suki repeated. 

“So when are the questions going to start?” You asked with a small laugh. “I appreciate the invite over here to get ready, but I know you all just wanted to ask me about what’s going with Zuko. So ask away.”

“What happened during that car ride—”

“Has he said anything to you since the kiss—”

“What’s going on at the tea shop—”

“Woah, woah! One question at a time!” you interrupted as they all started going on at the same time. “First off, nothing happened during the car ride. We worked out some miscommunications, and we’re all good. Second — yes, we’ve talked since the kiss, but there’s been nothing groundbreaking. And third, the only thing going on at the tea shop is the tea that we’re serving.”

Toph groaned and shook her head. “Are you serious? That’s so boring!”

“You’re telling me that nothing has happened in the couple of weeks since the kiss? Like, are you sure you’re not in a secret relationship with him and just neglecting to tell us?” Katara asked.

“There’s nothing going on,” you insisted. “As much as I want something to go on, I… haven't’ really said anything either.”

“What?” Suki cried. “You are crazy for him, how have you not tried to make something out of this yet?!”

“I don’t know!” you shot back defensively. “I guess I’m just scared that everything will go wrong.”

“Look,” Suki began as she took a seat on the floor in front of you. “You are kind, funny, gorgeous as hell, and an all around amazing person — and Zuko has it just as bad for you as you do for him! So embrace all of that, get out there tonight, and make a move!”

It had been too long since you had gotten a pep talk from Suki, and it was strangely refreshing. You nodded and sat up. “You know, you’re right! I have just… I’ve been sitting around, waiting for him to make a move because I’m too scared of getting rejected. But I am a delight! I am a lovely person, and I am a delight. Besides, we’re both adults! Even if he doesn’t like me the same way I do—”

“Which he does,” Toph interrupted, which earned her a joking glare.

“Even if he doesn’t like me the same way I do,” you repeated. “We’re still going to be friends. It’ll just be a couple awkward weeks, and then we’ll be back to normal.”

“That’s as close to the spirit as we’re gonna get!” Katara exclaimed as she gave you a high-five.

“It’s about time,” Toph joked as she hit you on the shoulder. “Now, are you gonna get ready or what?”

“Right,” you chuckled. “I did get this super cute dress a while ago that I haven’t gotten a chance to wear. I think it’ll be perfect for tonight.”

“What are you waiting for, girl?” Suki asked. “Show us!”

After showing off your dress, you had finished up the final touches of your makeup and gotten one last pep talk from all of your girls — you were feeling more confident than ever, and you were sure that tonight was the night you would tell Zuko how you felt.

-

Back at the apartment, the boys were going through a similar dilemma.

“Zuko, what are you so scared about?” Sokka was hanging upside down off of the couch, a move he must’ve picked up from his sister, as he questioned his friend.

“I don’t know, everything? She could reject me, she could start to hate me, I could ruin everything that we’ve built over the past few months— you know, it’s not even that bad, what we have right now! What’s the harm in just staying like this?”

“Zuko,” Aang groaned. “I get being cautious, but this is just too much! You’re letting your fears get in the way of you and Y/N being happy. You kissed her, right? And she kissed you back! I’m telling you, if you let her know how you feel tonight then everything will work out. Trust me!”

“Seriously, buddy — it’s just painful at this point. It’ll be kinda weird having one of my friends date my sister again, but somehow, you two being apart is worse. Just tell her already!”

“Okay!” Zuko exclaimed defensively. He finished doing his hair then ran his fingers through it, ruining his work completely. When Sokka gave him a weird look, he shrugged and smiled to himself a bit. “Y/N likes it this way.”

Sokka gestured at him in disbelief and shook his head. “This is exactly what I mean!”

“Okay!” he repeated. Zuko leaned against the kitchen island and nodded. “Okay, I’ll tell her how I feel tonight. After she’s gotten into the party a little, I’ll take her outside and I’ll tell her how I feel.”

“And then you’ll kiss and it’ll be happily ever after!” Aang crooned.

Sokka rolled off of the sofa and stood up, then picked up the car keys from the table. “Someone text the girls, because we’re leaving. I can’t deal with this anymore.”

“You’re gonna do great tonight, Zuko,” Aang reassured as he gave Zuko a pat on the back. “Just remember why you like her in the first place, and speak from the heart. She likes you, so as long as you’re you, things will go great.”

Zuko nodded and gave Aang a small smile. “Thanks. I hope you’re right.”

As the two of them followed Sokka out of the apartment, he took another deep breath and tried to psych himself up. He was sure that tonight was the night he would tell you how he felt.

-

The seven of you regrouped with each other where you would be spending the rest of the night — because a ton of students were expected to celebrate the end of the first semester, the party was being hosted in a warehouse that a couple of kids had rented out for the night. It was more extravagant than the first party you went to in every way — you could hear the music thumping from all the way down the street as you got out of the car.

“Do you think we beat them here?” Suki asked as she helped Toph out. Katara locked the car and looked around, shaking her head as she pointed down the street. Sokka, Aang, and Zuko were all walking up together, having parked a couple cars down.

“They beat us by a minute. Probably broke a hundred different traffic laws in the process.”

“You guys made it!” Aang exclaimed as he gave Katara a kiss on the cheek. “Sokka forced Zuko to let him drive here, said he’s too slow and that he wanted to beat you all.”

“Sounds like him,” Suki joked as she took Sokka’s hand. “You ready, Big Shot?”

“I’m always ready,” he grinned, earning a laugh from you and Katara. Your eyes fell on Zuko as he walked up and you smiled, already starting to feel your cheeks heating up.

“Wow, Y/N, you look…”

“Amazing?” you guessed coyly.

“Breathtaking,” he clarified, the beginnings of a smirk playing on his lips. You laughed and looped your arm through his, and the two of you began making your way towards the party.

The rest of the group shot each other looks that ranged from overjoyed to bewildered to confused. As they started to follow you, they realized that getting the two of you together might be easier than they thought.

-

It wasn’t hard to get into the spirit of the night once you got into the party. There had to be at least a couple hundred people there, but it didn’t take long for everyone to start breaking off into groups. Suki had roped you in karaoke while Aang had taken Zuko to meet some of his friends, giving Sokka, Katara, and Toph time to strategize before setting the plan in motion.

“Okay!” Katara shouted so she could be heard over all the noise. “I don’t think we’re actually gonna have to do that much tonight! Just.. keep him busy for a while and then give him an out, and we’ll do the same with Y/N!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know the whole plan. I made it up, remember?” Sokka wasn’t completely focused on the conversation at hand as his eyes darted around the scene, seemingly searching for something. His eyes suddenly lit up and he started to back away from their small group. “There he is! Sorry Katara, gotta go prove to a bunch of freshmen that they don’t know anything and I’m better than them. Aang can handle Zuko!” He grinned at her then ran off into the crowd before Katara could protest.

She sighed and turned to Toph. “Suki’s got Y/N occupied and Aang’s got Zuko, so it looks like it’s just you and me, Beifong. Whaddya wanna do?”

“You’re telling me you don’t want to see your sister embarrass herself with karaoke?” Toph asked.

Katara laughed and grabbed Toph’s hand as she started to lead them through the crowd. “You know what? That sounds perfect. After all the work we’ve done for her and Zuko, I think I deserve to laugh at her for a while.”

-

The first two hours of the party passed by quickly. You spent the first thirty minutes making a fool of yourself with Suki as you sang a couple classics on karaoke — though it was a bit humiliating, you had an amazing time. The second half of the hour went to the beer pong competition that Sokka’s friend Zhen had organized (they did end up winning, so you supposed his pride was well earned), and the next hour was dedicated to dancing, drinking, and letting loose. You had finished the first semester of your masters program, so you felt like you deserved it.

You had stolen away to an emptier corner to give yourself a breather as well as some alone time — you were enjoying yourself, but it was close to claustrophobic in the heat of it all. You were passing the time on your phone when you heard a familiar voice call your name. Your eyes immediately shot up as you tucked your phone into your purse, and you were met with your favorite pair of golden eyes.

“Hey,” Zuko breathed, taking a second to straighten his ruffled clothes. You couldn’t help the smile that played on your lips as you ran a hand through his hair to muss it up even further.

“Hey yourself,” you laughed. “What’s so important that you had to run all the way over here?”

“I have something I need to tell you. It actually is really important, but I think it’d go over better if we weren’t in the middle of all this chaos.”

You would be lying if you said that didn’t make your heart beat a little faster, and as you felt your cheeks heat up you realized that this was your chance. “Uh, yeah. Sure, totally— I actually have something I need to tell you, so that’s perfect!”

“Really?”

“Guess we’re just in tune.”

Zuko smiled as he took your hand and started to lead you through the crowd, but when you heard someone calling your name you froze. The blood in your veins turned to ice, and your grip on Zuko’s hand tightened. He shot you a questioning look but you didn’t even see it.

“No,” you muttered, barely legible. “No, not here.”

You almost didn’t want to turn around to confirm your suspicions. You could’ve ignored it, pretended like you didn’t hear it over the sounds of the party, but there was a voice nagging in your head that you couldn’t just ignore it, you had to find out if he was really, truly here — so you did.

You wanted nothing more to be wrong in that moment — honestly, you thought that you were hallucinating at first. You hadn’t had that much to drink, but maybe the alcohol combined with the sleep deprivation was making you see things. Unfortunately, it was real. You could never forget those eyes.

“Hahn,” you mumbled, the sight taking a moment to register. “Hahn, what the hell are you doing here?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m here to party, and I’m here to see you.” The grin on his face didn’t waver as he looked you up and down, choosing to ignore the blatant shock on your face.

“You are not here to see me,” you clarified coolly. “We’re not together anymore, and ex-boyfriends don’t make hour-long drives to see their ex-girlfriends, especially ex-girlfriends that they treated like trash.”

“I figured you’d be more happy to see me than this,” he huffed. “Ungrateful as usual.” Hahn seemed to finally notice Zuko and scoffed as he looked at him. “What, is he your new boyfriend? You really downgraded.”

“You have no right to talk to her like that—” Zuko stepped forward to say more but you held out your hand to stop him. You gave him a short nod and stepped forward yourself.

“Hahn, I’m going to ask you one more time.” You could feel your hands shaking, whether it was from rage or fear you didn’t know. Your voice was deadly calm, but it was taking all of your energy to stay that way. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Hahn laughed and crossed his arms. “You’re joking right?” His amusement was a notion that you didn’t share, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably before he continued. “You wouldn’t answer my texts, and you obviously still want me after the things you sent me. My brother had a game here and I came along to see him, so I figured I would pay you a visit as well. You never really officially broke up with me, y’know. Are you really going to let three years go down the drain because of one little incident?”

Now it was your turn to laugh — it was from pure disbelief rather than amusement, though. “Are you serious? Hahn, I left you! I walked out, I moved out, I transferred universities to get away from you! Are you really so dense that you still think you stand a chance based off of some drunk texts?”

“Woah, you think you’re giving me a chance? Y/N/N, this is my olive branch to you — I messed up, I know I did, but that doesn’t mean we can’t fix things up! I could have any girl I wanted back at Kyoshi, but I’m here because I want you — I love you, babe. You know I do.”

“You don’t get to call her ‘babe’,” Zuko snapped. “She doesn’t want you here, so why don’t you just save yourself some trouble and get out of here?”

Hahn snorted and shook his head. “Stay out of this, fireboy. Y/N’s a big girl, she can speak for herself.”

You looked around and saw that a modest crowd was forming around the three of you, and more than a few people were filming. If you didn’t want your relationship problems to become BSSU news, you had to defuse this as soon as possible.

“Listen,” you interrupted. “Zuko’s right, Hahn. It was a mistake to come here — if you’re as smart as you always say, then you would know that. Just.. go home.”

Hahn scoffed as if he couldn’t believe what you were saying. “No, you listen. I’m trying to do you a favor here, Y/N! I made one mistake, and apparently that was enough to ruin everything we had.”

“You know just as well as I do that it wasn’t one mistake!” you cried. “If you can really get any other girl you want, then do it! I mean, that wasn’t a problem for you during our relationship, so I don’t see why it’s a problem now. We’re not getting back together, so just stop!”

“It’s him, isn’t it?” he sneered as he gave Zuko another onceover. “He’s the reason you’re acting like this. I never thought that you would sink so low, but you’ve clearly gone soft. Come on, stop acting like a baby and we can talk this out alone.”

He started to reach for your hand but you pulled it back, and before you knew what you were doing, you had handed your drink to Zuko and your fist was flying right at Hahn’s face. It hurt like hell, but the pure satisfaction from seeing his shock as he recoiled was a painkiller on its own.

“How’s that for soft?” you spat as you rubbed your injured knuckles.

“You.. you bitch!” he yelled, staggering back a few feet as he put his hand over his nose in an attempt to stop the bleeding. “This is how you repay me after everything? You should be thankful I’m giving you another chance—” he started to reach for you again, but you slapped his hand away. You cast a glance back at Zuko and saw that he had been joined by Sokka and Katara, and knowing that they were with you made all the difference.

“I don’t want another chance!” you shouted. “You are the one that fucked up, you are the one that made my life hell, and you are not the one that gets to give out second chances! I gave you so many chances, and you messed up every single one! Hahn, I never want to see you again. And if you ever try something like this again, if you ever even try and talk to me again, I will do something so much worse. Now do the smart thing and get out!”

You gave him one hard shove to the chest then turned on your heel and ran. It was the coward’s move, you knew it was, but you couldn’t be there anymore. Tears blurred your vision as you pushed through the crowd to get to the back door, heaving shaky breaths once you finally made it outside. You could hear familiar voices yelling and felt the slightest tinge of joy knowing that your younger siblings were giving Hahn hell.

You leaned against the side of the building, pressing the heels of your hands against your forehead to try and stop yourself from having a full on breakdown. You started to count backwards from twenty in your head as your eyes scanned the area for something, anything, to ground you. It helped in the sense that you weren’t about to lose it right then and there, but you were still on the brink. You slid down the wall into a sitting position and hugged your knees to your chest, the tears finally falling.

This was your university, this was your night, this was for you to make new memories and end your first semester, but like everything else he had come in and ruined it. You had no idea how he even found you, how he knew you would even be here, but it scared you.

“Should’ve blocked you as soon as you… fucking asshole… can’t believe..” you mumbled incoherently as you pulled your phone out with shaky hands, blocking and deleting his number. You dropped your phone in your lap and then put your head in your hands, still trying to process everything that happened. You didn’t even look up when you heard someone coming outside, but somehow you immediately knew who it was.

“Hey, Y/N.. Are you.. okay?” Zuko’s voice was full of sympathy but also caution, as if you were a delicate flower you didn’t want to tear.

“Do I look okay, Zuko?” Your words came out much more aggressive than you wanted them to, and you bit your lip. You had always expected his kindness to be a double-edged sword, something he used just to get something from you, but it never was. Not even once. It made sense after what he told you, and it just made him an even better person in your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m just.. not. Not in the slightest. Hahn was the last person I expected to see tonight.”

Zuko moved over and sat down against the wall with you then hovered his hand above yours, giving you a chance to pull away. When you didn’t move, he set his hand on yours, filling you with the comforting warmth that you missed.

“You don’t need to apologize. What he did was fucked up.” He cracked a small smile. “Punching him was pretty badass though.”

You wiped a tear away and let out a soft laugh. “It was about time I stood up for myself. Our whole relationship was built off of this sick power dynamic that he loved to wield over me. Things were fine for the first few months, of course. He had this douchebag reputation on campus, but I believed that I could change him, that I could be the one to make him settle down, and— and it felt like I had at first! He was the sweetest guy, and he always brought me things and took me out on dates and it was just- it was just a dream. But I should’ve known he was using me. He had never changed, he had just gotten better at hiding those parts of himself.”

“I had zero sense of self worth and he used that. Told me that if I broke up with him I would never find anyone better, always convincing me that I was the one in the wrong, that if I wasn’t so dramatic then we wouldn’t have all these arguments. And the worst thing about it? I believed him. I believed him every time.” Your voice cracked on your last sentence and you could feel yourself getting choked up again. You swallowed hard and tried your best to push your emotions back down. “I was so terrified that he was right, that I would end up alone if I broke up with him, that I stayed. And that was our relationship for the past three years — built off of fear and manipulation.”

“A lot of people wonder why I transferred here. Sure, I did it for my masters, but Kyoshi has a perfectly fine program. I had already established my life there, I had an apartment, lots of friends, and yeah, I was going to go through with it. I was going to get my masters back there, but I… I did it because of him. I left because of Hahn.”

“Y/N. What did he do?” There was a dangerous undertone to his words, and you placed your intertwined hands on his knee. You didn’t want him to do something he would regret, and more selfishly, you needed him here right now.

You closed your eyes and let the question hang in the air for a moment. You hadn’t told anyone the truth of how your relationship ended with Hahn, and this wasn’t how you had pictured telling Zuko. If you were being honest, you didn’t think you would ever tell him — but he deserved to know.

“He cheated.” You said the words so easily, so simply that you almost shocked yourself. It shocked Zuko too; you could see his eyes widen slightly from your peripherals.

“Yeah. He cheated on me. That’s how things ended. After everything I put into that relationship, everything I did for him, everything he took from me… I still wasn’t enough for him. I got home from class one day to find him in bed with another girl, and… that was it. Something inside me just snapped. That was my moment of clarity — no yelling, no crying, no… anything. I just left. A friend let me crash at her place, and that night I started the process of transferring here. I made a promise to myself that I would never let someone like Hahn in again, and… well, now we’re here.” You laughed humorlessly and wiped a tear from your eye.

It was like the breath had been stolen from Zuko’s chest. He had never fully understood why you were so reluctant to open up to people, but this explained it. You weren’t someone who gave out love freely, but you had to Hahn — and the way he had treated that love made him sick. He had ingrained in you the ideal that you couldn’t be loved, only tolerated, and that was why you had such a hard time accepting help from anyone. The thought alone made him want to find Hahn and get him back for everything he had done to you. The only thing stopping him was that he didn’t want to leave you alone.

“Y/N,” he muttered. “I had no idea. Katara and Sokka didn’t even know.. Why did you hold all of this in?”

“Because I was scared, Zuko! I got myself into this mess with a stupid boy that everyone had warned me about, so I felt like I had to get myself out. Even when things took a turn for the worse, I felt like I couldn’t involve anyone else because it was my fault. It was my fault for trusting someone like him, it was my fault for believing all of his lies, it was my fault for not being good enough. And even after everything he did to me, a part of me still missed him.” You let out a laugh that was a touch unhinged. “There’s something seriously wrong with me.”

“Y/N, look at me.” You tore your eyes up from the ground and at Zuko — his golden irises looked the same as the first time you met him and it was oddly comforting.

“There is nothing wrong with you. Okay? And I know it’s easier said than done, believe me, I know, but you don’t need to be scared. I understand why you were so hesitant to share what happened with Hahn, but you don’t need to be. I don’t know how much weight my words have, but I want you to know that you can always tell me what is happening with you. Whether it’s a life changing event or just what you did that morning, I’ll listen to you. You aren’t alone, Y/N, because I’m here for you. I always will be.”

Your eyes widened with surprise as you stared into his own. This was the most sincere you had ever seen Zuko, even more than the night he told you about his life. There was a nagging voice in the back of your head telling you to kiss him, feel that warmth again, forget about what had happened for just a moment.

But as the familiar prick of incoming tears returned, you knew you couldn’t. You were drunk, on the verge of a complete breakdown, and anything that happened between you tonight would be tainted with the memory of Hahn. So with a concentrated effort, you tore your eyes away from his and swallowed, your throat dry and scratchy from the screaming match you had gotten yourself into.

“I don’t think I can spend another minute here. I hate to ask, but.. can you take me home?” you asked quietly. “You might not be able to tell, but I’m not in a state to do anything right now.”

“Of course.” You gave his hand another squeeze to let him know that he hadn’t overstepped, and stood up. The two of you began the walk back to the car and Zuko let go of your hand, shifting so that he could instead wrap his arm around your back. You smiled softly and leaned your head against his shoulder, the gesture a welcome comfort.

“Thank you,” you whispered. He squeezed your shoulder softly in response, a silent notion that said everything he couldn’t.

Tonight had been a wreck, that much was certain. Your past had resurged in the most painful way possible, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to get through it alone.

But you weren’t alone this time. You had Zuko.

And with Zuko by your side… you knew you would be okay.

-

perm taglist: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin

transferred: @ourbestfriend-mishacollins @lil-lex1 @xxshad0wxb1rdxx @zuko-is-the-sun @akiris @irohs-teapot @thatarthistorynerd @charlenasaxen @minninugget @marvel-ousnesss @count-thotticus @what-ye-egg @furblrwurblr @thesstuff @mariachiii @ietss @dizzy-miss-lizzieeeeee @xbarrjallenx @tommy-braccoli @dreamsluvrr @floofybread @thelovelylolly @lin-biefong-is-my-life @tiffanyy-21 @sistheselenophile @theincredibledeadlyviper @bakugouswh0r3 @loganrwebb @mikaslilworld @matsunshine @iris-suoh @aizameow @h3llbun 

atla: @marianne1806

[kpopluvrsblog]

I got you princess

Requested: may i please request for a jealous bsf mark where he sees y/n getting wasted in the club (because she saw mark getting close with the popular girl) and she's with yeonjun so he drags her out and they fight but end up confessing to each other.. i hope that isn't confusing haha thanks !

Genre: angst + fluff, smut!

Pairing: mark x fem!reader

Warnings: SMUT! Dom!mark x sub!fem!reader, unprotected sex ( uak the drill ), reader goes somewhat into subspace at the end, creampie , kind of rough sex, slight masturbation suggestive dancing, swearing, use of the word slut

A/n: this is so long,,, SORRY I ADDED SMUT i cant help myself when it comes to mark... if anyone doesn’t want to read that part it is at the end!!

You slam your locker shut, sighing loudly as “those two” pass by murmuring amongst themselves. By “those two” you mean mark and little miss popular. It’s not that you were popular but of course everyone loves miss perfect aka Jen and they can’t see through her facade. “Me and mark used to be like that..” you whispered to yourself.

“HEY Y/N” someome suddenly screamed in your ear. “YEONJUN!! oh my,,, you scared me!” You whined and smacked his arm lightly, making him chuckle to himself. “ Mmm sooo how’s your little crush on mark going? He seems to be all over jen today...” yeonjun asked with a face of concern.

“ oh a little?” Your eyebrows shot up with sarcasm. “Honestly, its... ever since they’ve gotten closer, she’s got him wrapped around her finger. Its as if me and mark had never been friends.” You look off to the side and scoffed at how whiny you sounded.

“No no no y/n... thats it!! I am not letting you sulk over this loser. He doesn’t understand anything.” He rolled his eyes before continuing “ we need to go out!!” He said happily. “ go where exactly?” You questioned as you grabbed his hand and started to walk to the exit of the school. “ go clubbing!!” Yeonjun said excitedly.

‘Clubbing huh... that doesn’t sound too bad!’ You thought in your head. “ alright clubbing it is!!”

That leads to where you are now. Looking at yourself in the mirror, wearing a burgundy fitting dress which made all of your curves stand out and matched it with burgundy heels as well. You have done light makeup with a black winged liner and added diamond jewelry pieces.

“DAMN y/n... baby you look GREAT!! wow you look so good i-“ yeonjun cut himself off when he reached up to his mouth and wiped off his drool, his actions making you laugh. “Stop!! Lets just go!” You said while laughing. You noticed his attire matches yours. He was wearing a burgundy suit as well which complimented him so well. “You look really good too though...” you smiled brightly at him as he grabbed your hand, thanking you with a blush on his face and brought you to his car.

The drive to the club was around 30 minutes. Yeonjun had found a club or as he called it “ the best club you’ll ever go to” and insisted that you both go there for the night. He said he wouldn’t drink so he could be your DD ( designated driver).

——————————————————————————

Your mouth dropped open when he pulled into the private parking lot for the club. “Yeonjun this is..” you trailed off in awe. “Amazing. I know.” He finished the sentence for you. “alright, in we go!!” He jumped excitedly.

As you walked to the large glass double doors. The bright lights and blaring music became clearer. You could see the many people that were occupied inside. Yeonjun said something to the security man standing outside, which u didn’t understand since you were too busy admiring the place, but before you knew it he was leading you inside.

“ALRIGHT, drinks first baby we gotta get you to loosen up before we get started.” He shouted over the music and the yells of the other people as he brought you to the bar. When he talked to the barista you started to scan the crowd of unfamiliar faces, smiling at the sight of everyone having fun. Suddenly you furrowed your eyebrows... ‘was that mark?? What was he doing here... wait, jen is... dancing on him.. woah, okay.’ Your thoughts ended as yeonjun poked your side and handed the shot glass to you “ thanks” you smiled at him and chugged the drink, feeling the hot liquid slide down your throat, leaving a slight burn.

“Agh” you winced at the flavor causing yeonjun to chuckle. “Its good huh?” He smirked. You turned back to the barista, “excuse me!! Can you give me the strongest shot you got?!” You questioned with a smirk. “Challenge accepted” the barista laughed and went to mix you up a drink. If mark can have fun why can’t you?? It’s time to get over him.. he’s obviously taken. “Is that mark here??! What the fuck man!!” Yeonjun shouted with a look of pure disgust when he saw who was attached to him.

“Y/n lets go! We’re going to go dance and show him what he’s missing!!” He looked back over to you just in time to see you take the mystery shot. “Damn that shits strong” you croaked and laughed when you saw yeonjun smiling at you.

He pulled your hand through the crowd of bodies and brought you to an open spot. Already feeling the alcohol take its place you started to dance with yeonjun wrapping your hands around his neck as he placed his hands on your hips. You smiled up at him and turned around in his grip, bending fowards slightly, now grinding your ass up against his bulge with his hands still groping your hips as he grinds into you.

You stood back up, still moving your hips and reached your arms over your shoulders to hold onto the back of his neck lightly. You looked up and met a gaze of who you completely forgot about. Jen was no where to be seen and mark was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, biting his lip harshly and glaring at the man groping you. Yeonjun leaned down slightly to press a light kiss to your neck and thats when mark broke.

One second you were dancing with jun and the next someone was leading you to a secluded place of this club. “WHAT the fuck are you doing mark!!! Let me go!!” You shouted as he pulled you into one of the empty backrooms. “Shut up.” Is all he said while he went to block you from leaving the room. “Shut up?!! What do you mean shut up!! Ive been shutting up since you decided to ignore me for the schools slut!!” You shouted at him trying to push him out of your way.

“HEY!! She is not a slut first of all-“ you cut him off with a slap to his face making him stare at you in shock. “Not a slut?? Mark where do you think she ran off to huh?! You think you were the only guy shes been talking too?! What a dumbass... im leaving now.” You declared waiting for him to move out of your way.

“Y/n... listen-” Mark started. “No!! I don’t want some pity apology to leave your mouth! I want to leave and never see you again.” You stated with your arms crossed until mark suddenly pulled you into his chest, arms wrapped tightly around you, as if he let go it would cause you to disappear. “ what the- Let me go!!” You mumbled into his suit.

You heard him sniffle and now realized that he was crying... a lot. Even though he is a dumbass you can’t help your feelings for him. “Listen y/n... im so so sorry that i pushed you away. I just- oh my gosh. I love you y/n... so very much that I unintentionally pushed you away and when i noticed how close you were to yeonjun, i thought that i could never treat you like how he does, i could never make you happy and i KNEW THAT. When jen started to pay attention to me, i thought i could take my mind off of you and that you would have a better life without me in it. I know how she is y/n... but my jealousy got the better of me. The reason why she left just now is because I wasn’t paying attention to her. How could i when you were standing so beautifully in front of me... and thats when i noticed that i couldn’t get over you, especially with yeonjun touching all over you when that could’ve been me if i tried and i- hmmph“

He was talking too much... his words making tears rolls down your face, soaking up into his suit. You leaned up to press your lips tightly against his. His body stiffened when your lips touched his... they were so soft. He quickly loosened up and hugged you tighter, his lips now moving with yours as you continued to make out. After a few minutes you pulled apart, a string connected between you both, chests heaving. You knew you looked like a mess but mark still looked down at you with so much love.

“First of all your still a dumbass...” you whispered, causing mark to giggle. “ I’ve never stopped loving you, me and yeonjun are just friends and he knows about my crush on you. But when you started ignoring me.. wow it hurt so bad and it pains me to admit that. I was so jealous that I couldn’t be with you-“ mark cut you off with another peck. “Mark let me finish!!” You blushed trying to pry him off of you.

“No i already know where this is going... im sorry for being a fucking idiot but i really do love you and i hope you can forgive me.” He said while letting a few more tears out.

“Okay no more crying!! Of course i forgive you and I obviously still love you too... you’re lucky you only ignored me for around a month though...” you trailed off into a fit of giggles. “Lets leave this place y/n, ill tell yeonjun whats going on and ill take you to my place to get you cleaned up okay??” Mark said while caressing your hair lovingly. “Mhm lets go!”

——————————————————————————

《smut starts》

After some time, you and mark had finally arrived at his house. “Ahhh okay here we are.” He sighed when he pulled into his driveway. “ okay lets get you cleaned up hmm?” He questioned when you both entered his house. Too tired to answer you hummed an answer back hoping he would understand, of course he did. Having already been here many times before, you remember where everything is which made it easier to navigate through his home. “Lets take off these shoes first, i bet your feet hurt so bad right now.” He pouted and sat you down on his couch, leaning down to take off each heel and lightly massaging your sore feet. “ it’s alright you can close your eyes baby ill take care of you.” Mark then leaned up to peck your lips one last time to hear you mumble “ thanks baby i lovveee you hmm” you then closed your eyes and felt him pick you up, bridal style and bring you into his bathroom. He took off your jewelry and placed them safely in the cabinet. He then proceeded to remove any excess of makeup that you had left on your face.

He was debating whether or not he should bathe you, as you probably feel gross. Since you had not fallen asleep yet, you decided that you wanted to be clean. “Baby you can bathe me its okay. I trust you.” You said softly, making mark smile at your cuteness. “Alright, im going to undress you now, lift your arms up for me.” You did as you were told, he took the snug dress off of your body, leaving you in your matching lace bra and panties... he couldnt help but get turned on. He thought your body was outstanding. Mark shook his head lightly trying to get out of his thoughts, you, now with your eyes open, noticed his actions and smirked. “Whatcha looking at?” You questioned innocently while looking down at your body.

“I uh- uhm oh yeah ill start the bath” he blushed and moved to the tub, now filling it up with hot water. The alcohol had mostly wore off now, since you hadn’t drank a lot. You started to unclip your bra and pull off your panties. “Mark can you help me in the tub please” you asked. You both knew you were capable of getting in yourself but nonetheless he grabbed your hips and set you softly into the tub.

“Dont you want to get clean too?” You asked and pulled lightly on the bottom of his tie. He smirked at your request and pecked your cheek. “Let me go get clothes for us to change into and ill be right back.” When he walked out you couldn’t help but notice his hard on. God he was so hot.

You knew you had some time. Whats the harm in just touching yourself a little? You fingers slowly trailed down to your clit and you slowly rubbed circles on the sensitive nub, letting your head fall back and small moans pour out from your mouth. “Having fun without me?” Mark asked with his clothes off and standing in the doorway, his hard dick on display. Where did this Confidence come from? He came up to the tub and lifted you out now patting you dry and emptying the tub.

“Do you really want this?” He looked you in the eyes as he asked this. “Yes i really want this please” you answered and bit your lip. “We’ll bathe after this then okay?” He didnt give you time to answer as he picked you up and brought you out of the bathroom straight into his room. He placed you gently on top of his bed sheets, luckily there was a thick blanket on top that he had layed out, so now the sheets won’t be dirty.

You pulled him on top of you and trapped him between your legs as you made out with him, lightly sucking and pulling on his lips, with your hand running through his soft disheveled hair. He groaned into your mouth as the tip of his dick brushed against your slick entrance. “Just put it in im wet enough and i really need you i cant wait please please please- OH” you moaned aloud as he followed your requests. His thick dick now stretching out your tiny pussy. 

“Fuck baby your so tight for me, damn you feel so good. Does it feel good for you baby?” He whimpered into the crook of your neck as he pushed your thighs apart farther, his hips now pressed tightly against yours. “It- um.. mmh” you already couldn’t form a sentence...

He chuckled and put his hand under your head, now holding you even closer. “Fuck.. m- mm move please” you whimpered. You were so sensitive and felt so full with him pressing against your cervix. He slowly pulled out and pushed back in, which made you gasp and clench even more, making it hard for him to move. “Loosen up for me hm? Let me fuck you properly. Show you how its done baby” you followed his orders and let him keep hitting that spongy spot deep inside of you. “A- ah keep going” you let out gasps and moans as he was now pounding into you. Mark was breathing heavily as he sucked marks onto your pretty delicate skin.

He snaked a hand down to rub on the nub you were playing with earlier. “Feel good?” He questioned and got a moan in response. He knew you were close by how you started to clench uncontrollably. “Im gonna cum shit im going to-“ you stopped your rant when he went even harder than before, you could feel him in your stomach. “I know baby. Cum. Cum all over me and make a mess. I got you.”

“FU-“ your orgasm was so hard that you went silent as your eyes rolled back, nails leaving streaks on his back. “Fuck y/n im cumming” he came inside of you with long hot ropes shooting into the deepest parts of your body, filling you up to the brim with warmth. You both came down together... only mark came down actually. “You’re okay princess. You did so good. Come back down to me, im waiting” mark whispered to you as he pulled out of you slowly, watching a white mess come gushing out of you. “Mmhm i did good?” You asked with a whimper while holding onto your stomach, feeling full. “Yes princess, so so good for me. Im going to bathe you and change you now okay? You can sleep, i know you’re tired.” After hearing his words you fell into a deep sleep knowing that he would take care of you.

——————————————————————————

You woke up with the feeling of being wrapped in warmth. You groaned as you turned around in marks hold, now facing his angelic sleeping face...’ he looks so at peace’ you thought. You also noticed that he dressed you in an oversized sweatshirt of his and gave you a pair of his boxers to wear. He really did clean and take care of you last night huh...his grip tightened around you and you left a soft kiss to his lips as you fell back into your slumber with a smile, knowing that you were definitely going to spend your life with this man.

[sarahlynnirl]

Losing my best friend - Sugar Daddy culture is not empowering

I finally feel strong enough to talk about this and hopefully get some love, support, and reassurance from other women who agree that this is fucked up. I’ve never been “terfy on main” before so here goes. (TW child abuse + SA but no graphic descriptions of SA)

My mother is a narcissist who financially and emotionally abused my father and myself, with some additional physical abuse of me, for as long as I can remember. My dad made plenty of money but my mom controlled it all and made sure it didn’t go towards anything for me beyond the bare minimum required not to look obviously guilty of child abuse and neglect. I met Kiara (not her real name) when I was a junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Her mom was a single Korean woman doing her best to support Kiara and her 2 sisters while also running a Korean restaurant. My first jobs were a summer camp counselor and fitting room attendant at Forever 21. I would spend the last scraps of my paycheck making sure Kiara was able to order a full meal when our friends went out to dinner, buying her little gifts, and generally trying to keep us both as happy and healthy as possible.

When Kiara graduated highschool her mom drove her into Koreatown New Jersey, got her a room in the apartment of an acquaintance, and basically left her to fend for herself. Kiara spoke barely any Korean. She began working at a Korean salon where she met Ariana (not her real name). She had a NY cosmetology license, not an NJ one, while Ariana was an illegal immigrant from Korea so they were both overworked, underpaid, forced to work overtime, paid under minimum wage, and deprived of their tips. They couldn’t report or complain about this since they were both working illegally.

Kiara had to pay rent for the one room she occupied despite her land lady yelling at her, walking into her room while she slept, banning her from having friends over, and reporting to her mom if she spoke to a guy on the phone or a guy dropped her off. I was working at a restaurant in my college town on top of my classes and doing my best to keep surprising her with little gifts, but neither of us had enough disposable income to afford to visit each other. This was really difficult for me as she was my favorite person in the world and I was used to spending every second with her when we both lived in upstate NY. Ariana got them both to start using SeekingArrangement for one time meet ups with Sugar Daddies where they were paid anywhere from $200-2000 for sex. “The first time I ever did it I walked out of the hotel and just screamed because I was so disgusted and I was thinking about his wrinkly skin touching mine and all I wanted to do was get in the shower and scrub it off but I had $1000 cash in my hand for a couple hours of work which was so crazy and kinda made it all worth it ya know?” - Ariana to me

I was immediately skeptical and a little grossed out but Kiara genuinely seemed happier. She was buying new clothes for herself, ordering food to the apartment when she was hungry, and taking trips into NYC to have fun with Ariana and her friends. By the beginning of the summer of 2019, Kiara had found the Sugar Daddy who she would establish a long term agreement with and who ultimately ended up completely supporting her. I’m not going to say his name here but if people want to know it just ask, I am willing to share. He moved her into a much nicer much bigger apartment with Ariana as her roommate. He paid for me to fly up and visit her, and all of our activities during this vacation. I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry. I wish I shoved the money back in her hand before it was too late, I wish I worked harder and longer hours and got us an apartment in Florida and paid both of our rent. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t listen to my instincts and allowed her to brush off my concerns. It was the most freedom we had ever had, I ran around NYC by myself while she was at work, and my ex took the bus to NJ from upstate NY and joined us for a few days. I feel so selfish but I also didn’t know how bad things would get.

One night Kiara and I went to NYC for dinner with her SD and she took the bus back to the apartment because she had to work early the next morning. It made sense for me to stay in the city because I was supposed to visit my friend at NYU the next morning. In the Uber to his apartment alone with him he was drunk and high and I very clearly looked scared shitless. At this point she was 19 (but she had looked that way since age 17 and I doubt he would have minded if she was lying about her age), I was 21 and he was 44. He seemed offended by my discomfort and was basically like “jeez relax I’m not gonna touch you, I really care about Kiara I think she’s so amazing, just go to the guest room and sleep, make a left to walk to NYU when you wake up.” I peaced the fuck out of there early the next morning.

After that summer Kiara and Ariana quit their jobs at the Korean salon and sugaring became their sole incomes. Ariana was still doing one time meet ups, not nearly as financially stable as Kiara, and got herself into a lot of credit card debt that to my knowledge she’s still in. At this point Kiara was flying down and staying with me in Florida so often that people at my college thought she went there too. I also wasn’t working at this point because college had gotten harder and my ex was fucking up my mental health real bad. He had given me a coke problem and Kiara sending me “grocery money” was enabling me to continue. I wasn’t honest with her about where all the money was going. During Halloween week we didn’t know that she couldn’t just snort molly (MDMA) with the frequency I was doing coke, she ODed, my guy best friend took us to the ER, it was so fucking scary, she got IV fluids for 2 hours and made a full recovery, she stopped doing molly, I kept doing coke. I’m so sorry :(

In November her SD paid for us to take a trip to Cancun Mexico. He was with us for the first part of the trip and this is where things started to get really bad. He tried to be my friend and act the way a boyfriend of my best friend who was my age would, but it was creepy and wrong and I was so uncomfortable. He asked about my drug use in a way that was gross and shamey and basically him seeing me as the “coke whore” stereotype...while continuing to buy me more coke. He also brought and gave us ecstasy pills. He asked really invasive questions about my relationship with my ex, why I stayed, my sex life, etc. It felt like an uncle asking me these questions, I did NOT wanna talk about any of this with him. But from what I did say it was very clear to someone with 44 years of life experience that I had an abusive mother, an addictive personality, and was in an unhealthy relationship. He offered to set me up with an SD friend of his looking for a sugar baby. I of course declined because I always knew this was a boundary I wasn’t willing to cross. No matter how bad my addictions got I would NOT give up that piece of myself in return for money.

In this part of Mexico, drugs that were only given with a prescription in the US were available over the counter. Kiara and I got a little box of 1mg Xanax with my money. My ex had given us Xanax a couple times in NY and we had fun with it, but at this point in time we did NOT have a problem with it. We had bought one bar, broken it in half, and each took half one night of Halloween week and called it “xanpires”, but this wasn’t something we were scripted or buying regularly from plugs. We went to dinner with her SD, we got up to go to the bathroom, and she immediately slipped and hit the ground. I was like woah did you take one of the xans and forget? Because we were supposed to tell each other if we were taking one so we could look out for each other. I was never mad at her! I never wanted money from her! I was just a little concerned, and once I determined that she was safe we thought it was kinda funny that she had taken a xan without realizing and started joking around about it. Her SD of course didn’t understand how a 19 year old and 21 year old girl joke with each other because he was a creepy old man, decided that we were “arguing”, and got up from the restaurant, walked across the street, bought a 90 count bottle of 2mg xans and gave it to me. This was honestly the most irresponsible way someone has ever treated me in my life, and this is coming from someone with an abusive and neglectful parent. Google “benzo withdrawal” if you’re not familiar with it.

We went to a different hotel, and Kiara and I both took xans and blacked out. I passed out on the guest bed, while Kiara was awake but in a conscious blackout. I woke up on the couch on the balcony (which was fine, it was comfy and I saw the sunrise over the beach. The gross part was that meant her SD had picked me up, put his hands on my body while I was unconscious and carried me out there). I remembered that at one point I had woken up, wanted to go to the bathroom or get something from inside, caught a glimpse of what I thought was them having sex, and went back outside. I mentioned it to Kiara and she had no memory of it whatsoever, she thought all she had done was gone to sleep. She was rightfully pissed the fuck off that her SD had taken advantage and done things with her while she was blacked, screamed at him, he gave us a half ass apology, and bought us more stuff (buying our silence). He finally flew home and we got to enjoy the trip with just each other, but I was careless with the dosage of a drug called tramadol, and I ODed with my head in her lap...I’m sorry. When I woke up I was hallucinating, hearing voices, crying hysterically and terrified. Kiara called my ex who asked how many mg I took, told us I was 100mg short of the amount that would require medical attention, made me laugh, and told me to go to sleep. I recognize how scary and unfair to her this was and I really do take responsibility for my actions. The day I was supposed to leave I did ecstasy, hooked up with a guy from Canada, and tried to skip my flight. She was mad because like yeah what the fuck. She got me on the flight, the ecstasy comedown hit, and there’s pictures of me crying in the airport because I hated when we fought.

I was supposed to stop in Miami, then fly back to my college town but while in Miami I texted my granny that I was “sad and really didn’t feel good and could she and my uncle visit me at the airport and bring my uncles dog?”. Her parenting instincts went off that something was very wrong, made me skip the flight, picked me up from the airport and took me to her house where I immediately threw up and ran an extremely high fever that night. She said it was one of the scariest nights of her life and she kept checking on me to see if I needed to go to the hospital. She drove me back to my college town where my guy best friend took me to the ER and it came out that Kiaras SD, in addition to giving me drugs, had also allowed me to drink Mexican tap water throughout the entire trip. I was treated for that + given chlamydia meds just in case since I’d had unprotected sex in a foreign country. I was fine, promised to do better, Kiara forgave me, things started to go back to normal. Except I had begun taking Xanax daily to deal with the anxiety of the illness...and she had a trip to Bali planned.

During that trip things managed to get even worse. She was there with her SD and another Korean friend and her SD was pressuring her and guilting her into sex, isolating her from her friend, going through her phone, and becoming extremely aggressive. She would call me crying and having panic attacks and I would walk out of class to try to comfort her over FaceTime. She did not have panic attacks before this trip. She begged to go home early because something was very wrong but he said it was a waste of money and kept her in Bali until the planned end of the trip. I think it was almost a month. She sent me a recording she secretly took of him screaming at her and her saying “don’t touch me, don’t grab me like that, leave me alone”. When she got back to the US I was begging her to stop. I was so worried for her safety. I said the money wasn’t worth it, we’ll get jobs, please just stop. I’m pretty sure he read those messages. We also had a suspicion that he had installed spyware on her phone but were never able to prove it. At this point I also reached out to my dad for help and his response was basically “I don’t care, not my problem, focus on school”. I reached out to my granny who absolutely cared, but her response was “I’m sorry but I can’t afford to support her, I have to focus on taking care of you, if she won’t stop this you’ll have to stop being friends with her”.

I went home to New York for winter break, suffered through my first round of Xanax withdrawal and was truly trying to get better but my ex manipulated his was back in my life and got me addicted again....but now this bottle of 90 had run out. I went back to my college town, got scripted, and was copping street bars when my script inevitably ran out early. What comes next is blurry for obvious reasons. We moved to the town in Florida my granny lived in and got an apartment together. The female friends she made in our town (my current home) she got most of them into sugaring and using SeekingArrangement. Things deteriorated super fast at this point. I was struggling hard, failing my online classes, and eventually got completely financially cut off by my parents. My granny was paying my half of the rent and my puppy’s vet bills but I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t afford groceries. Kiara was pressuring me hard to go on SeekingArrangement but I still refused. I would sit on the floor of the bathroom in a towel after I showered and just cry because the steam made me nauseous and dizzy since I wasn’t eating.

I met my current boyfriend and something just started to click: I didn’t wanna live like this anymore. The mom of a friend from this town who also refuses to sugar landed me an interview at the gym I currently work at, I fought for the job, and I got it. Now I knew I didn’t wanna be completely fucked up all the time anymore but I was still doing enough Xanax to keep me out of withdrawal. The 2mg that had blacked me out at the beginning were now just barely enough to keep me functional. Kiara and I were fighting frequently and bad by this time. She and her partner in sugaring, Mena (not her real name but pretty close to it, fuck this bitch fr) were expecting me to keep how they made their money a secret....from friends and guys that I saw every single day. They both very obviously did not work and were flexing new cars, designer clothes, and cash all over their social media. Kiara thought she could cover her ass by saying she dealt drugs but it was also obvious that she wasn’t putting the time into that to come up with the amount of money she had. The only one dealing drugs was me, and not enough to do anything flashy, just enough that in addition to my work money I was usually getting enough to eat. But there were still some times when the previous weeks paycheck had run out and I was having my first meal of the day at 3pm after someone had bought adderall from me. We had our serious serious fight where she threw my stuff in the lawn and I lived with my current boyfriend full time for about a couple weeks since my bedroom at my granny’s was getting refloored when this happened.

By January 20th he was concerned by my Xanax problem and wanted me to seriously try to stop. At the time I started tapering because I wanted the girlfriend title but I’m forever grateful for him giving me a reason, even if it was a shallow one, because I just needed to START. We tried to reconcile once, despite boyfriend and guy best friend begging me not to, and of course the same problems reappeared, we had another serious fight and haven’t spoken since.

Now the fog is clearing and today I’m 96 days clean of xanax, 16 days clean of all benzos, and 19 days clean of gabapentin (what was keeping me from having a seizure while quitting benzos). But it’s hard because being out of the fog means feeling all of my emotions, even the really bad ones. This past week I’ve been waking up and crying sitting in front of my mirror trying to put my makeup on for work and it just drips right off and I have to start over. She was my best friend for 8 years. My favorite person. My partner in life. I loved her more than anyone.

My boyfriend and guy best friend are pretty uncomfortable when they hear someone express an opinion of me that’s “Kiara’s side of the story” and I don’t correct it. Both of them saw exactly how bad it got near the very end and don’t get why I don’t defend myself more or tell people about her letting my dog eat dab (THC) wax while she was supposed to be watching her and having to be rushed to the animal hospital TWO separate times. (She’s a Pomeranian and the highly concentrated THC was super dangerous to her tiny little body). Yelling at me and giving me the silent treatment because less than 48 hours after my SA she expected me to drive her to a hair appointment in Miami and I woke up late and didn’t get her there on time with traffic. Me begging her to be there for me when it felt like everything was falling apart and I self harmed for the first time and her leaving me to go on a vacation to Orlando with a girl we didn’t even really like. Me not wanting to sleep in the apartment alone after my SA and her not letting me sleep in her bed anymore, her and Mena just dumping me at the neighbor’s so they could continue to sugar, party, and see guys our age at night (this sounds super awful but neighbors roommate —> current boyfriend. He kept me safe until I felt better, was really sweet and careful, and I was the one to make the first move). There’s more but I really don’t like talking about it, after the abuse she went through and I assume is still going through, I expect her to be pretty damaged and not have it in her to treat people right all the time. Not exposing every bad thing she’s ever done to all our mutual friends and acquaintances is kind of my last gift to her.

I also admit that sugaring wasn’t responsible for everything that went wrong. Loving an addict is difficult and exhausting and I went through it myself with my ex. I was also out bi and she was “probably straight, maybe a little bi-curious” in her words. But when she was drunk or on Xanax she’d kiss me first...we had done more than kiss but only during 3somes with a guy. I don’t know, I think I loved her more than I was supposed to and some of the stuff she’d say made me think she saw me in a way she really didn’t. When we first moved to this town I had a thing with a girl and expected it to be no big deal but things here were different than up north. I got called the d slur for the first time by someone who wasn’t joking. It was like getting slapped I was so shocked and hurt, I truly didn’t think that happened anymore. I think she saw what happened to me and kinda closed off that part of herself because she didn’t wanna experience that herself. She stopped making out with me at bars and parties after that and it made me sad and maybe a little jealous. But I really do blame her SD for basically “breaking her”, for handing me that first bottle of free Xanax, for a lot of other little things that I can’t possibly include because this is already way too long. This is my first time even saying this much. Feel free to add your own experiences or thoughts on this or anything you’d like. [I’m prepared to get death threats or called a SWERF or whatever but I don’t care, now that I started talking about this I’m not going to stop.]

[dreaming-of-assclass]

"ive never felt like this about anyone before!" with terasaka and nagisa?? (or just karmagisa if ur uncomfy with that! :>)

Pairing: Nagisa Shiota/Ryoma Terasaka

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Word Count: 1,588

A/N: Aww this is a cute pairing! I decided to go the classic route of confessing with chocolates UwU. Also ft. BFF/wingwoman Kayano!! I really like the honest simplicity of Nagisa and Terasaka’s relationship, and I hope I conveyed that well.

Before joining 3-E, Nagisa never really thought of himself as unpredictable. He’d always been a simple guy, with not many quirks. Maybe a bit of a wallflower, even. He liked observing others and the nuances of human nature. He liked seeing how other people could be surprising. 

But then 3-E happened, and he kept receiving constant praises of his “natural talents.” How stealthy he was, how he took down Takaoka, how he kept on shocking his classmates and teachers with his capriciousness, etc.

Nagisa couldn’t help but enjoy the attention, although he tried his best to hide it. But truth be told, he still saw himself as a simple person. And a part of him preferred it that way, seeking out some normalcy in the midst of his transformed life. 

And now, as he stood in his kitchen, eyes wide at the countertop covered with a dozen different ingredients, he was wishing he’d been more unique after all. 

Chocolates on Valentine’s Day? How unoriginal, he sighed internally. 

Nagisa reached for his plain navy apron and looped it over his head, the fabric tickling his nose. He tied the straps behind him and took a deep breath, eyeing the gourmet bar of 80% cacao he’d purchased.

Before he could linger on his doubts and call off the entire thing, his best friend (and baking partner) returned from the bathroom. Kayano bounded into the kitchen with a grin on her face. “Sorry for making you wait, Nagisa. I just had to take care of a small hair emergency!”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Nagisa quickly reassured her with a smile. He glanced at her dark messy bun, fondly recalling the old quirky jade pigtails he’d grown used to for an entire year. “Thanks again for helping me out, Kayano.”

“Of course!” she replied, skillfully tying on her own butterscotch apron. “What are friends for, if not helping you make chocolates because you’re a hopeless mess in the kitchen?”

Nagisa laughed and stepped back to give her room as she started examining the ingredients. “Yeah, I would’ve destroyed my kitchen. Cooking is one thing, but I’m not good at baking...and I’ve never made chocolates before.”

“That’s fine. They’re pretty easy to make, once you get past the beginning,” Kayano assured him with a smile.

They fell into comfortable conversation as they worked through the recipe. Nagisa’s clumsy hands nearly made a few mistakes, but Kayano was quick to assist him. Eventually, they stood by and waited for the chocolate to melt over the stove, with Nagisa continuously stirring it.

“I really appreciate you helping me. Seriously, that’s so nice of you. Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”

He paused then quickly fixed his words, stammering. “I-I mean, you can ask for anything at any time, of course! I just meant to return the favor, you know?”

Kayano laughed. “Relax, Nagisa. This is nothing compared to what an awesome friend you’ve been for me. You don’t owe me anything.”

He frowned slightly. “But…”

She hummed in thought. “I guess I am pretty curious to know who you’re giving them to, though? But only if you’re comfortable sharing!”

There was a brief silence, only the stirring of the liquid chocolate filling the air between them. 

“Nagisa…?”

“Terasaka-kun.”

“Huh?”

He sighed with a smile. “I’m making these for Terasaka-kun.”

“Really?” Her eyes widened. “Aww!”

Nagisa winced at her high-pitched squeal then smiled at her acceptance. “You’re not surprised?”

“Not really,” she admitted. “You guys have always had a very sweet and trusting relationship.” 

Nagisa felt his face heat up. “You think so?” he asked quietly, returning his gaze back to the pot.

“Yes, I do,” she smiled. “They say the best relationships always do come after one of you nearly blows the other up, anyways~”

He groaned as she laughed. 

Another stretch of comfortable silence passed and soon, they were onto decorating the chocolates. Nagisa watched in awe as she delicately laced the top of the rich chocolates with a caramel icing. 

Finally, it was his turn. He carefully made a tiny flower design with the hazelnut icing tube. “You know…” he began.

“I’ve never done anything like this before,” he admitted quietly. “Making chocolates...confessing...I never acted on my feelings or was proactive.” Nagisa’s eyes were trained on what he was doing, but he could feel Kayano’s gaze on him.

“But...the way I feel about Terasaka-kun. With him. Around him…” A small smile etched onto his face. “It’s such an intense, engulfing feeling. But at the same time, it makes me feel lighter than air.”

“I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”

The next day was Valentine’s Day, and Nagisa swore, he never heard his own heart beat so rapidly before in his whole life. 

He had texted Terasaka that morning to meet up somewhere, under the context of borrowing a book. The five minutes in which he’d awaited a response were the most agonizing he’d ever felt. Was he being too obvious? Terasaka responded positively though, with a short “yeah ofc. see u later.” Nagisa had fallen out of his bed in relief.

Now he was standing outside the local library, clutching onto his schoolbag. He was still in his uniform, and he bet Terasaka would be as well since school hours had just ended. 

Valentine’s Day had been uneventful for the most part. He’d gotten friendship chocolates from most of the girls in his class, a completely platonic gesture. Nagisa made a mental note of who he would give gifts to on White Day, to return such a kind gesture. Outside of that, he’d just watched in amusement at some of the antics going on around him. Chocolates being given by the hundreds to popular boys, confessions going wildly wrong and descending into chaos, fangirls, all the like. 

“Yo!” His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice. Nagisa jolted up at the sight of Terasaka making his way towards him. The object of his affection was uniform-clad in a rather neat manner, with his school bag slung over his shoulder, wearing a fond grin once his eyes locked with Nagisa’s.

Nagisa felt his stomach tighten, as if a bunch of knots were tied inside. This is it… “Hey,” he greeted with a smile, waving to the taller boy. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” Terasaka replied warmly, slowing to a stop a couple feet in front of him. “How’s this crappy holiday been for ya?”

“Heh, pretty boring,” Nagisa chuckled. “Like always, I just get friendship chocolates from the girls in my class.”

“Really? That’s still cool.” 

Nagisa hummed. “What about you?” He asked, instantly dreading the answer.

Terasaka laughed lightly. “I got some from the squad as a joke, and I’m completely fine with that.”

“Oh, haha.” Nagisa felt a weight lift off his chest at the response, and his grip tightened on his bag.

Terasaka frowned slightly at him. “You okay? You’re acting a little weird.”

Now? Nagisa questioned himself. Now feels right…

Finally making his resolve, Nagisa chose not to answer verbally. Instead, he quickly opened his bag and pulled out the decorated box. He opted to go simple, rather than the ornate boxes he’d seen people give. It was a small square shape in a deep crimson color, topped by a golden bow. 

“Terasaka-kun…” Nagisa let out a sharp breath he was unaware he’d been holding. He lifted his gaze to meet Terasaka’s, and offered him a genuine smile.

“I really like you. And I made you these chocolates.” He extended his hand holding the box. “Will you go out with me?”

A tiny part of Nagisa’s mind, within his conscious, was blown away at his actions. He was seriously confessing to his crush. With homemade chocolates. Is this for real?

But Nagisa was nothing if not honest. And that extended to even himself. 

A second had passed and Terasaka gently took the chocolates from him, a warm look in his eyes that made Nagisa melt just a little. His lips were curved into a rare smile of faded surprise and contentment.

Finally he spoke, his voice like honey, full of affection. “Of course I’ll go out with you, stupid. I like you too.”

Nagisa’s chest swelled with joy. He smiled stronger than he ever had before, a rush of emotion passing through him.

Terasaka’s attention had shifted to the box in his large hands, and he tugged the bow off. “You made these yourself?” He sounded curious.

“Yes...but with a lot of help from Kayano,” Nagisa admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of his short hair.

Terasaka laughed as he opened it, picking up the one that Nagisa had decorated with a flower. “They look awesome.” He plucked it into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. His eyes soon lit up. “Woah, they taste great too!”

“Really?!” Nagisa asked excitedly, feeling a bit of pride. 

“For sure.” Terasaka nodded with a grin that soon turned shy. He averted his gaze slightly, his face pink. “Thanks for making these for me…”

“I’m glad you like them,” Nagisa said somewhat absentmindedly, his attention focused on how cute Terasaka’s shy smile was.

His thoughts were interrupted by Terasaka suddenly leaning in closer. “Wait uh…” His crush’s face reddened even more. “...Can I kiss you?”

Nagisa felt his own face flush as he nodded. 

The kiss was simple and sweet, yet filled with strong genuine emotions. It was almost like a representative of their bond. 

And Nagisa wouldn’t have it any other way.

[gumnut-logic]

One of my favs

Definitely an Allie night tonight (except for that very alluring photo of Virg earlier, and the incident with the mullet :D). I has no new fic to share due to the evilness of work, so here be a repost of an Allie fic I wrote for @ak47stylegirl​ during Fandomversary 2019.

Despite not being a Virgil focussed fic, it has become one of my favs.

-o-o-o-

Freckles

This was going to suck.

Alan taxied Tracy Two into her hangar and groaned. Thunderbird Two was up on her struts, over module four, obviously undergoing a maintenance cycle. Virgil would be on the floor and he had no hope of avoiding his brother.

Not going to stop him from trying though.

Post flight, a grab of his bags and he was sneaking.

Stealth Tracy. He could do it.

First things first, locate Virgil.

From where he was standing there was no sight of him.

“Hey, Alan. Good trip?”

He jumped and dropped his bags. “Hell, Gordon, give a guy a heart attack.”

His fish brother raised his hands in defence. “Well, excuse me. Next time I’ll send you a morse code welcome from the other side of the Island so I don’t disturb you.”

Alan let out a sigh. “Okay, I’m sorry. Great to see you, too.”

And Gordon was staring at him. “Are you hiding?”

“Gor-“

“What happened to your face?” And his sunnies were ripped off his nose. “Ho, ha, this is gonna be great.”

He grabbed his glasses from his brother and shoved them back on his face. “Shut up, Gordon.”

“Does Virgil know?”

“No, and I’m trying to keep it that way, so shut up.”

His brother grinned at him and held out a hand. “For a price.”

“Price? What price?”

“Help me flush Four’s sanitary systems.”

“Aw, god, Gordon, no! I’m not cleaning up your shit.”

“Heh, then I’m going to go get Virg and have a discussion about your face.”

“Gordon, please.”

“Nope, sanitary flushing or embarrassed blushing.”

“You suck.” He glared at his brother. “I’m going to remember this. Next time Scott is after you, don’t bother coming to me for help.”

For the briefest of moments, Gordon’s eyes widened before he regained his composure. “We’ll see about that. Have fun with Virgil.” The aquanaut wandered off.

Aaargh, Gordon could be such a...

Something clattered on the concrete on the far side of the hangar. Alan shrunk into Tracy Two’s shadow.

Okay. Let’s do this.

Grabbing his bags he slipped along the edge of the hangar until he reached the module train. Creeping around the far side of module six, he peered out the around its backend.

Virgil was hanging from Two’s thruster assembly, head buried in a hatch.

Okay, he might just be able to manage this.

Stepping lightly as possible, he crept past his brother towards the elevator.

“Hey, Alan, welcome back.”

Damn.

“Uh, hey, Virg.” He refused to look up and just waved casually, his heart beating like crazy. Maybe those several metres up in the air would save him.

“Did you have a good time.”

“Had a blast. Brandon sure knows how to throw a party.”

“So I heard.”

Heard? “Uh, I’m a bit tired I’m just going to go upstairs and unpack.”

“See you at dinner.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and Alan.”

“Yeah?”

“Nice sunnies.”

He almost looked up. Almost.

“Uh, thanks. See you later.”

Not if he could help it.

He beelined for the elevator. One annoying brother avoided...mostly...one more to go.

The elevator was blessedly cool and he leant against the silvery wall while the car carried him up to the residential levels. God, he hoped he could make it to his rooms. He felt hot and just ugh.

The elevator stopped just short of his destination.

Damn.

The doors opened and he held his breath.

Brains and Max entered and the ride resumed.

“Max, honestly, I d-do not know w-what you were thinking.”

The robot sputtered at his creator, beeping madly.

“But that was G-Gordon. You h-have an entire d-directive listing regarding his behaviour. Y-you know not to do everyth-thing he asks.”

Another impertinent beep.

“That is exactly why you h-have an entire d-directive listing!”

Apparently they hadn’t even noticed he was there.

The elevator slowed at his level and he made a point of edging around Brains. Max beeped at him, but Brains had fallen silent, chin on hand, elbow on wrist, as if posing for a sculptor.

Alan didn’t care, he just wanted out of there and  threw himself around the corner.

Straight into Scott.

“Woah! Allie, welcome back! Hey steady there.” He wouldn’t admit it, but despite what he knew was about to happen and the suffering that would follow, it was good to see his eldest brother.

And kinda nice to be held by him too.

“What’s with the sunglasses?” He could almost count it down in his head. He looked up at those mirror image blue eyes and let his shoulders drop. This was so gonna suck. “Alan? What’s wrong with your face?”

His brother held both of his shoulders and peered at him. A moment and one hand gently peeled off the sunglasses. “Oh my god, Alan. What were you thinking?”

He let out a sigh. So busted. Who was he kidding. This was inevitable. “I guess I wasn’t thinking.”

“That much is very clear. You are going to the infirmary now.”

“Aw, Scott it isn’t that bad.”

“You have blisters, Alan!”

“I have?” He hadn’t really looked in a mirror since he left the Gold Coast. Brandon, of course, had laughed at him. It hadn’t seemed that serious. A bit of sunburn was all.

That’s what you get when you party all day in the Australian sun and forget your sunscreen.

Though come to think of it, he was feeling rather hot.

“Virgil, drop everything and meet me in the infirmary.”

“Aw, not Virg, really?”

Scott wrapped an arm around Alan’s shoulders and started to herd him towards the elevator. “He is the most qualified.”

“But it is only sunburn.”

The elevator doors closed behind them.

“Alan, you know I know you know all the symptoms of exposure, so don’t even bother.”

The arm around his shoulders was very gentle.

Virgil was standing in front of the elevator as the doors opened. How the hell he had gotten there so fast...but the expression on his second oldest brother’s face told him everything.

He hadn’t managed to sneak past at all. Virgil had been following him.

Nice sunnies indeed.

Virgil approached quietly, not saying a thing. One large finger reached up under Alan’s chin and tilted his head up gently. The medic sighed and a worried frown creased his brow.

But he didn’t say anything.

Virgil let him go and led them out of the elevator and into the infirmary.

Alan climbed onto the bed as directed and waited for the lambasting. After all, he knew he had been an idiot, and deserved every word.

“Where else?” Brown eyes were looking at him in concern.

“What?” Damn, he was hot.

“Where else did you get burnt.

“Oh, arms, hands, feet...and maybe my hair? Feels like my hair is on fire.”

“C’mon, lay down.” Scott was suddenly shoving a pillow under his head. The pillow was lovely and cool. His shoes were gently taken off and that was a relief in itself.

Virgil took his temperature and frowned even more. A glass of something was handed to him and he was told to drink. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was obviously something medical. It was cool on his throat.

Grandma appeared and as with everything Grandma, it was fussing, hugs and, well,...love.

“Did Brandon know you were burnt this badly?” Something pricked his hand and he discovered Virgil had stuck him with an IV bag. Was that really necessary?

Gordon barrelled in. “Hey, Brandon has you on his vlog!” His brother held up his phone and all the family turned to watch.

And Alan saw himself for the first time.

Sunburn panda.

Omigod.

Very sunburnt panda.

In front of twenty odd million viewers.

“Thunderbird Five.” It was Commander Tracy who spoke.

His middle brother blinked into existence beside the bed. “What can I...Alan? What the hell?!”

“John, hack the Bear’s feed. I want those images gone.” John’s turquoise eyes lingered on Alan for a moment, before narrowing on the feed spouting from Gordon’s phone.

His voice was almost menacing in reply. “FAB.”

He blinked out.

Twenty seconds later, the Bear feed went offline. Rather abruptly.

Gordon was staring at Alan. “Allie, what the hell did you do to yourself?” Obviously the hangar had been dark enough to conceal at least a little of his colouring. “Blisters?”

Virgil was hovering with some kind of medicated cream in his hands. The next moment was absolute bliss as his brother applied the ever so cool, numbing wonderment to his face. He literally sagged into the bed.

“I was so, so stupid.”

“Yes, you were.” Virgil’s voice was a reassuring rumble. “But at least we know you won’t do it again.”

“No, no I won’t.”

John blinked in again and Alan found himself surrounded by his family. As Virgil started applying the cream to his feet, Alan suddenly wondered why he had been trying to hide from these people. Sure there would be nagging, perhaps some laughter and good natured ribbing, but...

Grandma reached over and draped a damp cloth over his hair. “Feeling a bit better, dear?”

“Yes, Grandma.” It was only a bit of sunburn, but... “Thank you, guys.”

“Don’t do it again.” Scott, as always worried.

“Look after yourself better, Alan.” Virgil, always caring.

“Don’t make me keep an extra eye on you.” John, always watching.

“A panda! I’ve always wanted to see a panda!” Gordon, always loving.

Grandma gently brushed a stray hair off his forehead. “Rest, honey.” Always Mom.

His family.

-o-o-o-

FIN.

[stxrrywildflower]

home

pairing - spencer reid x reader

warning - mentions of blood and other injuries, faint ptsd

summary - you go on an undercover mission after orders from strauss. two months later, you return

word count - ?

you stepped into a bau while sighing softly to yourself. it was a normal day for everyone else but for you, it would be your last day at work for a least a month.

close to three weeks ago, strauss had called you and hotch into a meeting. while leaving, you glanced at your team who all displayed nervous expressions. usually meetings with strauss were never good. one walking in, you noticed two men. one about hotch’s age and one around your age.

“strauss,” you greeted with a handshake as hotch did the same.

“agents y/l/n and hotchner, this is agent daniel cruz and section chief newman from our san francisco branch. please, take a seat,” she introduced. you and hotch glanced at eachother before taking a seat.

“i have been in contact with various section chiefs about a possible human trafficking ring out west. we aren’t sure how large of an operation is occurring but we need to put a stop to it. not before we get the proper evidence, however,” strauss informed.

“ma’am with all due respect, yes that is a very serious issue but how does this involve us?” you asked timidly.

strauss looked over at you. “well agent y/l/n, hotchner is your superior which is why we need him present. as for you, chief newmen and i have decided to put you and agent cruz as undercover agents out on one of the suspected farms in wyoming.” this hit you hard. an undercover mission? we’re you even prepared for that?

hotch opened his mouth to speak but was cut off. “ah agent hotchner, this has already been decided. y/n and daniel fit the part the best due to their young looks. we are trying to keep this as quiet as possible so try not to let it out.”

and with that, you and hotch stepped out of the room and went back into the bullpen. over the course of the three weeks, you had gotten to know daniel or danny better. he was married with a young daughter and was stationed in san francisco. you also learned your part and trained. you were a college student who was studying sciences and were taking a semester to go study out west on a farm surrounded by various forms of plants and animals. that way you could get close to the family and see what was happening.

one night you were with spencer at his apartment with the intention of spending the night. he wasn’t sure why you had been so closed off but had his suspicions. you on the other hand had wanted to spend time with him before you left.

“alright what’s going on,” spencer spoke as he shut off the tv and turned to you. you just stared at him confused. he gave you one more look and you caved.

“strauss assigned me a case. i leave in a week and a half but i can’t talk about the specific details,” you revealed. spencer nodded, suddenly understanding. you were then pulled into a tight hug. “let’s just savor the time we have together,” he mumbled.

the memory made you smile to yourself as you stepped through the glass doors and into the bullpen. “woah, new haircut? hotch isn’t going to like that,” you heard morgan’s voice coming from behind you. once turning around, to see morgan. behind him were j.j. and emily making coffee, each displaying a shocked expression.

“not by choice,” you grimaced, subconsciously going up to touch your hair. it’s true, in order to look the part, you had cut your hair to a bit above shoulder length, gave yourself a middle part, and dyed it pastel pink. strauss had told you it was ‘perfect for the part’ and dismissed you.

after that quick conversation, you made your way up to hotch’s office, not before glancing over to spencer who gave you a resuring smile. you knocked slightly on the closed door of hotch’s office. after hearing a faint “come in!” you opened the door. inside was hotch and rossi going over a case file.

“oh i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to interrupt. hotch, do you have it?” you asked.

hotch nodded before moving to reach under his desk and pull out a box. rossi’s eyes widened. “you’re going undercover?” he asked. you and hotch looked over at him after you were given the box. “how’d you know?”

“all agents who ever go undercover have to put their stuff in a box just like that one. i’ve seen quite a few,” rossi exclaimed. “i leave in an hour,” you informed him.

“good luck kiddo, see you soon,” rossi smiled before grabbing the files and stepping out of the office and into his own.

“so this is goodbye?” you asked hotch, a sad undertone to your words. hotch nodded slightly. “well it’s not a goodbye because you are coming back but technically this is the official goodbye. i will see you off to the airport though,” he informed.

you placed the box down on the seat and frowned. hotch had practically become a father figure in your life and despite your knowledge of life, as cliche as it sounded, he always taugh you more. “hug goodbye?” you whispered, tears slightly forming in your eyes. hotch stepped from around your desk and pulled you into a hug.

“i’ll inform the team of your whereabouts after you leave. but know that this isn’t goodbye y/n, i fully expect to see you back in that conference room sometime soon,” hotch spoke after stepping away. you grabbed the box, smiled once more, and moved out of the office and over to your desk.

after sitting across from spencer, you ignored the stairs from your team members and focused on your boyfriend across from you. “hey,” you said, starting a conversation. “hey,” spencer replied. he knew you were leaving today and would need to pack up.

you looked away and began placing the essential items in the box. your desk was to stay the way it was but certain items would need to remain in hotch’s office.

first was your cellphone. on the farm you would have no contact via phone but would be able to send at max, two letters. second was your main gun that rested on your hip and your secondary gun that was for emergencies. those went into the box with extra care. finally was your badge. obviously this host family would have to believe that you and danny were only college students and not undercover fbi agents. after bringing the box to hotch, who met you halfway, you sat back at your desk and started a conversation with spencer, trying to calm your nerves.

time flew by and it was time to leave. hotch stepped into the bullpen and looked in your direction. “ready to go?” he asked. you nodded, glancing around at your teammates, smiling slightly at each of them. before following hotch to the car, you walked over to spencer and kissed him gently on the lips, ignoring morgan’s whistles in the background.

“i love you,” you whispered in his ear.

“i love you more,” he replied.

you stepped away and began to follow hotch, not looking back. your suitcase of clothes and backpack filled with various textbooks and other notebooks was already in the car. stepping into the cool d.c. air, you glanced around one more time at the bau building. you were ready.

_______

the mission was a success. you and danny had spent your time in wyoming, mainly couped up in your shared room but also doing ‘work’ on the farm.

while the expected time was only supposed to be a month, towards the end the family got suspicious. this resulted in you both being cut off from sending letters and forced to stay another month. a month away from home turned into two which killed you.

the family was arrested and the ring was put to a stop. you and danny had packed up and went to the airport. he would be flying back to california to be checked out and see his family while you were going back to d.c. the two of you hugged goodbye before boarding your separate flights. you two promised to stay in constant contact.

landing home at 2am didn’t help your exhaustion both physically and mentally. immediately after landing, you were taken to a hospital. the various cuts and bruises on your body were treated as well as your broken ribs and injured knee. an iv with nutrients was placed in your arm to repair your  malnourished state. you had also passed out for 10 hours. once waking up, you were cleared to go. an agent who worked with strauss came to pick you up and bring you to the bau where you could finally see your team.

in order to go in, you had to be finger printed as a result of not having your badge. it didn’t help that you didn’t look like yourself at all. however, you went through security and into an elevator which would take you to the sixth floor.

the first one you encountered was hotch. he had been walking down the hallway outside of the bullpen looking at a case file. after glancing up, he did a double take and took in your appearance.

you were a lot skinnier. the family had greatly reduced the amount of food you were given. however, the nutrients you were given were helping with that. second, your hair was a lot longer. it was past your shoulders, with the pink fading and your natural hair color coming in at the roots. finally was your injuries. you had a knee brace on, bandages on cuts, and you were clutching your ribs.

hotch closed the files and walked over to you. you accepted the hug and placed your head on his shoulder. “it’s good to have you back,” he told you. the next was rossi who also hugged you, calling you a sweet name in italian and expressing his happiness for having you back. garcia was after that. she had gasped when she saw you before gushing over anything and everything.

j.j. and emily saw you after garcia. both had hugged you. you were silent through the whole thing but accepted the hug from your practically sisters.

“where’s spencer?” you asked j.j.

“he’s out at lunch with morgan, should be back soon,” emily piped in.

“bau team? a word in the conference room,” hotch called into the bullpen causing everyone’s heads to turn. j.j. wrapped an arm around your waist and helped you up the stairs with your injured knee.

“i just wanted to speak to you all. obviously y/n has returned from her mission which had gone very well. things should be going back to normal now with our full team back together. y/n i’m not going to pressure you but is there anything you want to add?” hotch asked.

you looked up at the team. “i’m really lucky to be alive,” you started, “once the family found out that we were fbi, danny and i were almost killed. and i’m just happy that i’m here now standing with all of you. well most of you,” you revealed.

it was at that moment that you noticed the glass door of the bau bullpen open up. inside walked morgan and spencer who were laughing about something. instantly, you were up and out of the chair you were sitting in, practically hobbling out the door and down the catwalk. spencer glanced up at you, stopping in his tracks.

“y/n,” you heard him softly call.

spencer rushed over and up the steps, meeting you halfway. he pulled you into a tight but also gentle hug, careful of any injuries he was unaware of. after a kiss to the forehead, he pulled away. you moved your hands to his cheeks and smiled slightly.

“your home,” he commented.

“yeah, i’m home,” you finalized.

[sunshinehawks]

5 times bakugou was protective of the reader and the one time she was protective of him.

tw/ mineta being a perv & panic attacks

I.

it wasn’t a secret that mineta was a perv and that the girls and guys of class 1-A really didn’t like him. bakugou hated being around the shit stain, but stayed around him so he could keep him away from girls, especially you.

you and bakugou were extremely close, not in a romantic way, but platonically. you were one of the few who knew his anger wasn’t usually actual anger, and was very seldom actually angry.

well, until today.

training was going like it normally would, until aizawa called over bakugou to ask him a question, and mineta was immediately by your side.

“so are you and bakugou dating?” you heard him ask, making you jump in surprise, not expecting him near you.

“what? no, we’re just friends,” you said, hoping this would end the conversation with him.

“i’m surprised he hasn’t tried to fuck you yet, your body is amazing,” mineta said, his mouth watering, and your disgust and uncomfortableness growing, “i know i’d love to f-“

he was cut off from bakugou blasting him away from you, “shut the fuck up, you purple shit stain!”

bakugou turned from him to you, walking up to you, “what the fuck did he say to you?”

when you struggled to speak, kirishima did, “he said he was surprised that you hadn’t tried to fuck her yet and that he’d love to fuck her.”

if bakugou wasn’t livid then, he is now, “he did what?! aizawa!”

aizawa turned from todoroki, and raised an eyebrow at bakugou, “what?”

“can i spar with mineta?” bakugou all but shouted and you swear you saw aizawa smirk behind his scarf.

“just don’t kill him.”

bakugou smirks, “no promises.”

II.

everyone in class could tell you were out of it today, especially since you hadn’t spoken a work the entire class, which was odd.

“(y/l/n),” you heard aizawa say, although it took you a minute to respond and turn your head his way, “are you okay?”

you nodded slowly, “just tired, mr. aizawa. i’m okay.”

he didn’t look convinced, but carried on with the lesson. when the bell finally rang for lunch, you stood up next to bakugou and kirishima, ready to follow them to lunch, when your vision started slightly blurring and you got lightheaded. grabbing onto bakugou’s shirt, he turned his head at you, ready to yell at you when you passed out in his arms.

-

waking up in the infirmary was not your ideal situation, especially figuring out you passed out.

“oh, you’re awake little listener!” you hear present mic’s unnaturally quiet voice, “i just kicked bakugou and aizawa out. they’ve been here the entire time.”

you blink slowly, “the entire time? how long was i out?”

mic sighed, moving his chair closer to the bed, “school ended 3 hours ago. it’s 6pm right now.”

it was quiet it for a bit, letting it sink in that you had been asleep for 6 hours and that aizawa and bakugou had been with you the entire time.

“they stayed the whole 6 hours?” you ask, your voice quiet, soft, unlike how it is when you’re in class and happy.

mic nodded, “bakugou was dead set on staying, so aizawa stayed too. they’ll be back soon, they went with recovery girl to get some food for you when you woke up. considering you haven’t been eating or sleeping much,” he says, voice stern, and you nod.

“i know,” you speak, and mic’s expression softens, although you don’t see it, “i can’t, i just can’t sleep at night, and when i do sleep, it when we have free periods or free time, which,” you trail off.

“which interrupts your eating schedule,” he finishes, and you nod, “well, you’ll still get a strict speaking to from aizawa, and i don’t think bakugou will let you out of his sights for a while, so, you’ll be okay. we’re here to help. don’t be afraid to lean on us, okay, little listener?”

you finally look at mic in the eyes, “thank you.”

III.

it wasn’t like you to miss a training sessions after school, especially with bakugou, so he got worried. not that he’d ever admit it, but he did. when he finally found you in a hallway, he was relieved but it only lasted a few seconds. upon closer look, he realized that you were having a panic attack.

“fuck,” he whispered, and ran to where you were sitting, “hey,” he spoke, his voice still husky, but definitely gentler than you’ve ever heard it, “i’m gonna put my hand on your fucking leg, okay?”

a nod.

“good,” he says, and he rests your hand right under your knee, “i’m gonna start tapping, and i want you to count them, okay? and when you’re grounded, tell me how many taps.”

a nod, and he starts tapping right where his hand was.

42.

in total it takes around 42 taps before you are grounded, and calm.

“sorry, i’ve been feeling on edge all day and it hit all at once and i-“ he cuts you off.

“don’t fucking apologize for something you can’t control, idiot. it’s not your damn fault.”

you smile and nod, “can we reschedule the training?”

he nods, “yeah, let’s get something to fucking eat.”

IV.

was it cold in the classroom? yes. did you forget to bring a jacket? also yes. usually the classrooms, hell, the school in general, was never this cold. according to nezu, as aizawa said, the heating was currently out, and would be on later today.

thing is, it’s below freezing outside right now, and you don’t have a jacket.

it wasn’t till you guys were given a free period to study or catch up on work that kaminari noticed.

“woah, (y/l/n), you good?” he asks, concern lacing his voice.

“yeah,” you replied, “i’m just cold.”

“why didn’t you bring a damn jacket, you idiot?” you heard bakugou say, and you turn around in your seat, semi glaring at him, “i train in the mornings with shinsou, so by the time i leave that building, i don’t need my jacket, i’m too hot.”

kirishima chuckles, “guess you learned your lesson though, i’ll give you my jacket.”

you shake your head, “no, it’s ok kirishima! i don’t need it, really.”

bakugou makes a ‘tch’ noise, and starts removing his jacket.

“bakugou?” you ask, and he shoves his jacket in your face, “no, really, it’s o-“

“just take the damn jacket, i’m starting to sweat anyway.”

you smile softly, and put the jacket on, the smell of caramel hitting you, “thank you bakugou.”

V.

monoma was known for hating class 1-A and often tried to pick on them, and today, you seemed to be his target.

“did you hear that she has a villian’s quirk?” monoma yelled out as you entered the lunchroom with sero and kaminari, making you freeze, “i can’t believe that you’re even in UA at all!”

sero immediately stepped in front of you, trying to shield you, while kaminari tries to calm you down before you get angry or work yourself into an anxiety attack.

“what the fuck did you say, extra?” you hear bakugou say, but his voice doesn’t contain his normal anger. no, this anger isn’t loud or brash. this anger is cold, collective, calm, and precise.

“your little friend here isn’t good enough to be here, or a hero at all! she would be so goo-“ monoma gets cut off, as bakugou punches him in the stomach, no quirk use at all.

“let me tell you something, you fucking extra,” his voice colder than you’ve ever heard, and the cafeteria is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, “don’t you fucking dare think about saying shit like that to her. you understand? you don’t know what the fuck she has been through. get it through your fucking envious ass brain, you don’t get to fucking walk all over everyone and think you’ll win, because you won’t.”

with that, bakugou walks away from him and starts making his way over to you, sero and kaminari immediately get out of his way. bakugou sees you pulls you into him, walking out of the cafeteria with you, pulling you into, what you two think, is an empty classroom.

“are you okay?” he asks, his voice soft, kind and gentle unlike normal.

you nod, “yeah, i’m used to it, but everytime monoma says it, it just makes me want to cry.”

“don’t worry,” bakugou says after a bit, “i don’t think that fucking extra will be talking about it for a while.”

+I.

getting into a fight with villains was definitely not on your lists of things to do today, but you did what you could. messaging the rest of your class, besides bakugou, who was with you and finally had his provisional hero license, and starting fighting. you had no idea how long backup would be, and the villians knew hand to hand combat and were good. you felt trapped but finally won against the villain you were fighting, and tied him up. looking for bakugou, you saw the villain draw a gun, realizing what was happening, you immediately jumped in front, just as the villain pulled the trigger.

you don’t remember anything until bakugou finally pressed on the wound, and screamed for help. that was the last thing you remembered.

—

blinking slowly, making your eyes adjust to the bright light, you hear movement to your left, and you turn your head, facing the noise.

bakugou.

looking at him, you realized he was asleep with his head against your bedside. was he here the whole time?

“bakugou,” you whisper, nudging him slightly, “bakugou, wake up. you’ll hurt your back sleeping like that.”

he blinks owlishly, slowly sits up, and then registers you’re awake.

“what the fuck were you fucking thinking? you goddamn idiot,” he spoke, a glare on his face, but his tone.

his tone showed he was scared.

“i don’t remember much after i blacked out, what happened?” you asked, voice husky.

he sighed, his glare disappearing, “aizawa showed up, and so did a few other pros but i was focused on aizawa because he saved you. you were bleeding so much, and you weren’t responding, and i was scared. i was so fucking scared that i was about to lose someone i had gotten so goddamn close to. i-“

bakugou is cut off by you wrapping your arms around him, “i’m sorry. but i couldn’t let them kill you, and i would do it again.”

bakugou grips you tighter, and maybe, just maybe, he cries.

[hanjisungz-remade]

penny for your thoughts? ☽ changbin

✦ genre: harry potter au, fluff, slow burn ✦ description: perhaps staying behind for christmas break would be good. you could get a lot of studying in for OWLs and since you were alone, you wouldn’t get distracted... except you weren’t alone ✦ pairings: seo changbin x reader ✦ word count: 28.2k ✦ warnings: mild language, tooth rotting fluff (seriously.... its a lot) ✦ a/n: ive had this idea for so long (nearly 4 years) and im so excited to finally write it! merry christmas and happy holidays in general to you all that celebrate, i hope you eat well and rest well and enjoy 💓 

i.

“Did you hear about the accident in Potions class today?” Jisung spoke quickly, elbow locked with your own as you tried to avoid being separated in the large crowd of students. Somehow he was always able to get the most gossip out of students and continue to stay at the top of your class. 

“No, I’ve been busy focusing on OWLs. I would tell you that you should study too but I know you’ll ace them all.” You nudged him, almost pushing him into a very annoyed looking Slytherin. 

“Hey! I’ve done my fair share of studying as well.” Jisung pouted but shook his head, focusing on shuffling his feet and recounting his story. “Okay so the accident. It was fucking hilarious, first of all. Secondly, I heard this first-year couldn’t tell the difference between fluxweed and knotgrass when they tried to make Polyjuice and they blew up the whole cauldron, like boom!” He made an explosion motion with his hands.

“To be fair you’re quite the handful in Potions as well, and that's coming from your partner.” You thought back to Jisung burning his eyebrows off in third-year after incorrectly mixing ingredients among the many other things you’ve had to endure the past years.

“I will have you know, I am the best partner ever. You get better marks because you fix my mistakes!” Jisung was about to go on but he suddenly lifted his head, a soft, “woah” coming out as you both entered the Great Hall.

Lights were just being hung up as everyone walked into the Great Hall. Professors flicked their wands and spun the strings together to turn the admittedly boring beige walls into a disco-like party of reds and greens.

The tables, which had normally been decorated quite plainly, were now filled with anything and everything Christmas-like. Small trees sat at the head of each table and at the front table where the teachers sat. The goblets shined with a dark red glow, and the cloths protecting the wood from careless students were dyed a light green and shined with sparkles of glitter. Every year they seemed to do something different, whether it be the color of lights on the tree, the decorations around the house banners hung on the walls or the jeweled arrangement on the cups.

You made your way to the Ravenclaw table quietly, smiling at your other friend Luna as you sat down next to her. Before you could say anything, everyone cheered at the sight of the food being served. To be fair, you were very hungry, and you almost joined in on the loud hollers and claps, mostly coming from the Gryffindor table.

As plates of food floated down the long tables you listened to everyone talking. At the table next yours the Hufflepuffs quietly munched on their food, no words being exchanged except for the occasional student squealing and cursing from another playing a trick on them. From that table you made eye contact with your friend Seungmin, raising your eyebrows and laughing when he held up a Potions book and mouthed “kill me” to you. 

Behind you the Slytherins sat quietly, some of them laughing at one of the other houses while others had their heads in their books. You never fully understood the motivations of Slytherins. They loved to be top of the class yet they always felt as if there was something else higher to achieve. Though you couldn’t find them too weird, you were the top of the class and you still wanted to go higher, still wanted to prove yourself. 

You always wondered if you should have been placed in Slytherin, but no one ever dared question the Sorting Hat. That, and you heard a rumor that the Hat took your own feelings into account, and you knew you were always more drawn to Ravenclaw.

On the opposite wall there was a loud murmuring, the Gryffindor’s heads clacking together and you could only assume they were talking about something interesting with your they all seemed to push together into the middle of the long table. How they could relay a message down the whole table made no sense to you, it all sounded like an impossible game of ‘Telephone’, yet with the nodding of heads it looked as if they got their message across.

“Think they’re having another dick measuring contest?” Jisung whispered in your ear as you both began filling up your plates. Of course he had to overload his, but you knew he would end up eating it all.

“I think they wait to go back to the Common Room to do that.” You stated simply, shoveling as much turkey as you thought you could eat onto your large plate. It always turned out that your eyes were bigger than your stomach, but much like Jisung, you were determined to finish.

To your other side Luna leaned towards you, one hand on a fork and the other holding a book open. “Have you guys finished the Herbology study book yet?” Her voice was soft and barely above a whisper.

OWLs started two weeks after Christmas break and to say you were completely not ready was an understatement. You had studied day and night since the beginning of the year, getting as many books from the library that you could. Learning was fun and while you were quite good at it, the thought of failing was always a fear of yours. With the deadline rapidly approaching, so was your heart rate. 

“I skimmed through it but I feel like it would be better to have more hands-on experience.” Jisung shrugged, stuffing his cheeks with turkey and vegetables from the floating plates passing by even though he had a near full plate sitting in front of him.

“Smarty pants.” You looked at Jisung, sticking your tongue out at him. “I’ve been really busy with Potions so I haven’t started yet. How about you?” 

“I haven’t even started either. I’ve been trying to memorize these spells for Charms but I can never find the time to practice them.” Luna launched forward, nose fitting perfectly in the middle of the textbook, a loud sigh escaping her.

“Well, we can study together more often if you want?” You offered, watching Luna lift her head up quickly. You feared for her neck when she did that. 

The three of you would study together in a small group, sometimes recruiting other people and friends from other houses, but with the ‘big tests’ coming up, maybe studying together more often could help more than hurt. Although you did like studying alone more, it was definitely more beneficial to study in a group. It also offered as an occasional distraction when the stress got to be too high.

“Oh my god really? That sounds awesome. You’re the best.” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes while her hands rested in her lap. Through the years of knowing her and being her roommate for one of them, you knew Luna would occasionally meditate to ground herself. She was quite the quirky person, as most Ravenclaws were, but Luna took it to the next level. It wasn’t a bad thing, in fact it made her infinitely more interesting to talk to. 

Her hair was what first drew you to her, it was a coral blue, but when she turned around for the first time you saw glimpses of reds and purples. When you asked her, she said it was an invention her father came up with, color changing hair dye. At that point you knew you had to be her friend.

A comfortable silence fell over the three of you as you continued to eat. Luckily you had friends that felt like silence was as good of communication as talking was. Well, Jisung was quite the jabberjaw, but he always knew when to stop and when to let the room descend into quiet.

If only the rest of the room could have stayed quiet.

Two tables down a loud crash caught everyone's attention. The silence you had wished for just a second ago granted to you. Your eyes fell on a wide eyed boy, his pink hair weighed down from liquid that had been poured on him. By whom? Like everyone else you looked next to him to see another wide eyed boy, this one with dark hair and seemingly older yet you weren’t quite sure.

“Oh shit.” The black haired one said, his wand quickly being tucked back into his red and black robe but it was definitely too late for trying to conceal anything with hundreds of eyes locked onto them. 

Behind the boys came Professor McGonagall, the Head of the Gryffindors, although it was less of a walking over and more of an appearance from thin air. Her glasses rested on the tip of her nose as she looked down at the two cowering boys in front of her.

“Mr. Bang, what is it do you think you’re doing?” Neither of the two turned around, their eyes closed and noses scrunched. Eventually the older looking one turned around, his hands lightly trembling. If Gryffindors had anything to be afraid of, it was Potions class and McGonagall.

“I’m so sorry Professor. I was just practicing my Wingardium Leviosa spell for OWLs.” He reached next to him and patted the pink boy’s head, shooting him an apologetic look when the younger scowled at him. “I tried to levitate my goblet but I must have gotten distracted and it fell.”

You felt Jisung lean towards you, “I call bullshit, the water would have flown everywhere, why just on that poor boy’s head?” Of course Jisung would be the one to use the logical part of his brain to call someone out. 

“You’re definitely a Ravenclaw, aren't you?” You chuckled, nodding at his statement. “As much as I hate to say it, you're right. It was obviously a prank or something.”

“And Mr. Yang,” McGonagall directed her attention to the pink haired boy. One of her hands rested on her hip, “you’re obviously not studying for OWLs, how did you get into this predicament?”

The two boys looked between each other then back at McGonagall. The older one, Mr. Bang, nudged the other with his elbow. At this point they both looked around and noticed the silence in the room, only causing their already pink faces to go full on cherry red.

“Uhh.” The younger one hesitated with his answer. Small droplets of water dripped from the tips of his pink hair. It wasn’t a bright pink, more of a faded bubblegum pink. Whether it was the aftermath of a spell or he chose to do that you weren’t sure but he looked cute. “I was just sitting next to Chan while he was practicing. I’m sorry.”

She nodded before pulling out her wand. With a flick of her wrist and an inaudible mumble of what could only be assumed as a spell, his pink hair flew up, strands flying everywhere before eventually settling back down. Everyone in the Great Hall gasped as they saw his hair was completely dry now. Even the recipient of the spell was surprised, his eyes crossed as he tried to take a look at the hair covering his forehead, mouth gaping open.

“Woah.” The other one, Chan, you could assume, inhaled and lifted his hand up to touch the other’s hair. “How did you do that?” He looked towards McGonagall, all fear and embarrassment gone in favor of wanting to know the spell.

“Maybe I’ll let you know when you pass your OWLs. For now, minus 20 points to Gryffindor.” Her voice conveyed disappointment as she turned around and seemed to glide back up to the big table at the front of the room. 

Once she finished talking a murmur fell among the students. Each table went back to their own devices, studying, eating and gossiping as usual. You continued to eat, your plate slowly dissipating into empty as you listened to the noise around you. Although you couldn’t hear any specific conversation you were content in the atmosphere around you. Noise wasn't always the worst, but more often than not it felt like a million bee buzzing in your head so you tended to lean towards the silent route.

“Oh my god.” As if snapping you out of your thoughts, Jisung nudged you accidentally, pushing his plate away and patting his stomach through his robe. “That was so good I can feel my brain waves flowing.”

“You know sometimes I just have no idea what the fuck you’re saying.” You eyed him, pushing your plate away as well and shaking your head. If you were given a dollar for every time Jisung said something weird you would have been a billionaire in first-year. 

“You don't know how many people have said that to me.” Jisung laughed, the same loud laugh that he always does. A lot of people would make fun of him for having such an animated laugh, yet you never found it annoying. It was like sneezing, when Jisung would laugh you would start to laugh as well. Once he finished laughing, he leaned his head on one of his hands, “anyways, do you have any plans for break?”

“I think I’m gonna stay here, I already told my parents I wanted to study for OWLs and not be distracted.” You paused when you saw students start to get up, signaling it was time for class. “Besides, our family wasn’t one for holidays so I would rather stay here and do something productive instead of just lay around for three weeks.”

Both of you stood up, following the students as they started meandering and finding their way towards their classes. Luckily you shared the first class with Jisung so you just followed him through the crowd, hand clutching a bundle of his robe so you didn't lose him.

The walk to class wasn’t long, and as you two sat down you both took out your books and quills, getting ready for another grueling day of mixing and hoping you don't blow that part of the castle off. Class hadn’t started yet but Jisung looked around at the other students, checking to make sure no one was listening in before leaning closer to you.

“I heard another student is also staying for break, some Hufflepuff.” Jisung said quietly, messing with the vials of liquids out in front of him.

“First of all,” You smacked his hand away from the ingredients for the day’s potion, “don’t fuck with the ingredients, you don't want to end up like that first-year.” Jisung pouted but let you continue, his hands now resting on his book. “Second of all, I’m focusing on my studying, hopefully they stay away and in their own space.”

You knew you sounded harsh, but you also knew that OWLs were the most important exams and you needed to pass them, though preferably not just pass but get high marks. Obviously if you ran into this Hufflepuff you would be polite, but ultimately that was your time to study. Besides, you didn't even know who this other person was. Maybe they were an asshole, then it would be infinitely easier to ignore them.

“I heard he was also a fifth-year. He.” Jisung emphasized it again, elbowing you into the side. “You guys could study together.” When he raised his eyebrows and wiggled in his seat you resorted to pushing Jisung over, laughing but also shooting him an evil eye. “You know when you do that look you just look like a puppy. Totally not intimidated at all.”

“I could push you over again.” You threatened, watching as more people started to file in before class started. “And I definitely do not want you to be my wingman again, I still have nightmares of last time.” Shuddering, you pushed the memory of the Yule Ball to the back of your head.

Jisung looked like he was going to combat your blow to his ability to wingman but before he could, Professor Slughorn strode through the door. All the students fell silent at his entrance, hands folded in front of their books, eyes scanning the liquids and cauldron in front of them.

As you listened to Slughorn drone on, picking up vials and mixing them into the cauldron, you felt a finger poke your elbow. Looking down you saw a piece of paper sitting between you and Jisung. When you looked up at him he was focusing on the front of the room but his mouth was quirked into a smirk that you knew meant that was a note from him. You grabbed it, opening it quickly and trying to read the messy scribbles from Jisung’s quill. When you finally did read it you shook your head, elbowing your best friend, crumbling the paper and putting it in your robe pocket.

“You never know what might happen ;)” - Your favorite wingman.

ii.

“I can’t believe we leave tomorrow.” Jisung’s cheek was pressed against the Herbology book, the page sticking to his skin. The steam from his hot chocolate floated into the air of the library. The pages beneath his face had some important text on whatever plant you were just learning about (if you're honest, you barely remember the name of the damn flower).

“You’ll be okay, Sung.” You reached across the table and patted his head. His hair was soft as always. When you first met him you were sure he used some sort of magic shampoo and conditioner or found a spell to make his hair that smooth but after being friends for 5 years you learned it was just ‘great genes’ as he had put it.

“It’s only for three weeks. Besides we can send each other letters.” Luna rested her hand over yours.

The three of you had been studying for nearly four hours. Having the day off was both a blessing and a curse, no classes but more time to cram studying in. The library was packed with students, all of the seats and window sills filled with bodies and books. Despite having so many students in one space it was quiet, no one wanting to upset the librarian fairies that flew through the bookcases and sought out anyone not following the rules.

“But it’s not the same.” Jisung drew out the last syllable. “I want to annoy you guys in real life not just letters.”

“Trust me you’ll find a way.” A chuckle escaped you when Jisung rolled his eyes, lifting his head and a pout prominent on his face. 

“I guess it’ll be okay.” He looked down at the textbook, fingers quickly skimming over the page before he looked up, an alarming smile on his face. “Oh! Speaking of break,” He leaned closer to you. “I know who is staying here with you.” Jisung winked at you and if you didn’t know that the fairies would kick you out of the library you would have reached around and smacked him in the back of the head.

There was a moment of silence as Jisung waited for you to ask him who it was, and you desperately tried to hold back. You set your mouth in a thin line and shook your head. Yet, your curiosity dug through your brain and got caught in your throat. You knew if you opened your mouth those words would slip through. 

So you did.

“Who is it?” You sighed, waiting for the answer. Truthfully, there wasn't anyone that you didn't want it to be but the answer still shocked you.

“Seo Changbin! The Herbology nerd.” Jisung nearly shouted, and it took you and Luna to tell him to quiet down.

You had known about Seo Changbin, seen him around the castle and in the library and although you didn’t know anything about him besides the fact that he was a Hufflepuff and really good with plants, you did know that he was damn cute.

“Ooh! He’s cute!” Luna squealed, mirroring your thoughts. She bounced in her seat and patted you on the arm. “You guys should study together!”

As much as you would like to entertain that idea, you knew you would have to focus on studying alone. Sure, you could study with Luna and Jisung but that was different, they knew what methods worked and what didn’t. Their humor fit yours and having someone else come in, someone incredibly attractive and cute, would be infinitely more distracting than Jisung’s dick jokes and Luna’s tangents.

“I would rather stay in the solitude of our Common Room.” You noticed the frowns on their faces, so you decided to entertain them and hopefully get them off your back. “But, you never know what could happen, maybe he could help me with my Herbology troubles.”

“You can’t study Herbology without us!” Jisung pouted again, looking down at the book and looking back up at you. You found his pouting funny so you nodded, chuckling when he firmly nodded his head back. “Good. Now let’s please get at least this chapter done before my brain melts.”

iii.

It wasn’t long until you were sitting with Jisung and Luna for the last breakfast before everyone left for break. It was eerily quiet in the whole room, but you didn’t mind it, instead you just ate in silence, enjoying the presence of your friends around you before you couldn’t see them for three weeks.

You smiled when students from other houses were allowed to sit together and you found Seungmin walking over from the Hufflepuff table. He took the empty seat next to Luna, but not before nearly tripping and spilling all his food over the dark blue tablecloths that represented your house.

“Careful dude, I am not sitting next to you if you reek like eggs.” Jisung said with a full mouth, a laugh nearly sending his breakfast flying.

“You’re telling me to be careful yet you're the one talking with a mouth full of food.” Seungmin’s eyebrows raised. Jisung looked like he was going to argue back but decided against it. As soft as Seungmin looked, he was not afraid to stand up for himself (or anyone else, for that matter.) 

“Both of you should be careful. If one of you spills on me and I have to take another shower I’m sending you a howler for Christmas.” You threatened, looking up at them through your lashes as you ate all you could.

Jisung stood up, arms raised in surrender and it took you yanking on his robe sleeve for him to sit down. “Okay,” He said a little too loudly, causing a few Slytherins to shoot you looks. “I surrender to you, your majesty.” You smacked his arm but laughed along with everyone else.

You stopped laughing before the rest of your friends did so you looked around at them, letting out a breath you didn’t know you had held onto. It was nice to laugh as loud as you wanted to and feel just that little bit of relief from stress before you were left alone to study until your brain turned to mush. 

For the past few weeks you had convinced yourself you would be okay alone and that was definitely true to some extent, you loved to be alone and be left to study or read or learn new spells that might come in handy. You had even taken to learning the hair drying spell McGonagall used and that cut getting ready in half. As much as you loved to be alone you knew that you would have to distract yourself somewhat to not think about your friends and how much you would be missing them.

If anything, you knew you could sneak into Hogsmeade or take a stroll up to the Astronomy Tower or the Owlery and send a letter to your friends but you knew that a part of you would still miss them.

Your thoughts were cut off by Jisung tapping you on the head, his face coming into view as you spaced out looking at one of the illuminated lanterns on the wall above the Gryffindor table.

“Hello? Earth to Y/N? Anyone in there?” When you looked down you realized your friends were all staring at you. Jisung’s finger was still tapping on your head and you shook him off.

“Of course I’m here, just thinking about my schedule of studying.” It wasn’t a lie, you had made a calendar of subjects you would study every day with breaks to spend in the Astronomy Tower to calm you down.

“You’re gonna miss us aren’t you?” Luna asked, chewing on the rest of her food before snapping and watching as it disappeared to the dishwasher. She was always the straightforward one of the group, and that was saying something because mister honesty sat directly next to you.

“I’m definitely going to miss you Luna.” You nodded then gestured towards Seungmin and Jisung. “These two, though, I’m glad I’m gonna get some peace and quiet.”

“Hey!” They both said simultaneously.

“You know I’m kidding. Of course I'll miss you all like fucking crazy but like you said, we can send letters and I am happy I get extra time to study for OWLs.” You knew it was stupid to lie to them so you told the truth.

Everyone nodded before they went back to eating. It didn’t take long before everyone was finished, your plates gone and bellies full. After a long speech by the Headmaster students started getting up, some saying bye to friends and leaving and others just sitting and waiting for their ride to arrive.

“So,” Seungmin leaned forward on his elbows. “I heard that Changbin was also staying behind. He’s a sweet guy, always studying as well. He’s a few doors down from mine in the dorm and I hear him singing all the time. He’s damn good.” Jisung and Luna chuckled, wiggling their eyebrows at you.

“He sounds like a cool dude, maybe we could be friends after OWLs.” You held up your book. There was a moment of silence and you spoke up again. Before you could stop yourself your curiosity got the better of you. “Do you know why he’s staying back?” 

“No idea, sorry.” Seungmin said. He looked up front before jumping up and grabbing his suitcase in a haste. “Oh shit my ride is here, I gotta go. Bye guys, have fun!”

You three said your goodbyes to the back of Seungmin’s head, watching his yellow scarf fly in the wind as he squeezed past everyone, muttering “excuse me”s and “sorry”s to anyone he bumped into. As soon as he was gone you turned back to Luna and Jisung, eyeing them as they skimmed through their books. Everyone was cramming before leaving for home, having three weeks at home without the pressure of studying was a godsend to most but some preferred taking their books with them to study while at home.

Although they were Ravenclaws, Jisung and Luna definitely did not share that sentiment. They much preferred to abandon all notion of studying in favor of taking a break. “Studying is important but there was only so much you can do before your brain explodes.” Professor Flitwick had said one day when he met with all of your house.

“So,” Jisung started and you held your breath, knowing something was coming. “Just friends?” He smirked and before you could shoot him down he continued. “All I’m saying is learning and studying is important, I wouldn’t be a Ravenclaw if I didn’t think so, but it’s also important to have a little fun here and there. You’ll have a lot of time and I know you’re not just going to spend it studying or in the Astronomy Tower.”

Shooting him a look you shrugged, he was right and you knew it but you would be dipped in Hell before admitting it to the boy in front of you. There would definitely be a lot of down time considering it was just you in the whole castle (and Changbin but you chose to ignore that thought). 

“Chill out horndog.” Jisung chuckled at your attempt at an insult, patting you on the head. “If I did hang out with Changbin it definitely would be as just friends, no matter how cute he is.”

Jisung’s face moved and his mouth twisted, him mouthing a ‘I can't hear you’ which you knew wasn't true, Jisung acted like he wasn’t listening but his ears were as good as an owl’s. He heard anything and everything in a mile radius and could repeat it back to anyone in a heartbeat. So you were sure he heard you.

“Oh look!” Jisung jumped up, picking up his suitcase and cage with his owl Albert before looking back. “My ride’s here, hope you have fun with Mr. Dreamy Puff, you better spill all the juice when I get back.” 

“There will be no juice to spill but sure, whatever helps you sleep at night. Have fun!” You yelled after Jisung. He waved behind him, body weaving through everyone and you swore you saw him almost take out a group of first-years on his way to the front of the castle.

“He’s gonna bowl someone over one day.” Luna shook her head, looking back to you. There was a quick silence before she spoke again “I’m not gonna pester you about Changbin, just remember to have fun as well as study. You have the castle pretty much all to yourself, enjoy it.” 

You nodded, thankful you had Luna to not drive you completely insane like the two boys. After her statement you two sat in silence, occasionally chatting about Herbology or the latest Potions mishap. Around you students hurried to the front, the occasional pile up happening when a student tripped or knocked someone over.

Eventually you looked up from your book, foregoing studying for the moment and instead enjoying the noise and presence of everyone in the room. As time went on students filed out, the big suitcases and cages full of animals that lined the walls slowly dissipating until only a handful were left.

“My ride is here.” Luna quickly packed her book in her suitcase, zipping everything up and standing.

You pulled her into a hug, smelling the peppermint shampoo that changed scents based on the season (it was her favorite buy from Hogsmeade). The smell was pungent, like drinking butterbeer after chewing gum, but it was a smell that you knew you would miss. 

“Relax a little, okay? Don’t stress about OWLs until after you get back.” You joked with her, knowing she would have fun with her unconventional family.

“I could say the same for you.” Luna tightened her scarf around her neck, the tip of her nose already red from the cold air bellowing in from the doors. “I’ll send letters, Scarlett has no problem flying to the castle.” Her owl stirred in its cage, the white feathers standing out against the bronze bars.

“Of course, I’ll send letters too, though it’ll probably just be me ranting about how many potions we have to memorize and me worrying I'll burn my eyebrows off doing it wrong.” You both laughed. “Now go! I don’t want you to miss the ride to the train.”

“Okay, okay. I’m going!” Luna darted away, screaming a final, “goodbye!” before disappearing into the white snow.

“Bye!” You shouted even though you knew she couldn’t hear you.

There were only three other students in the Great Hall waiting for the last train home. The high windows cast a shadow on your side of the room, the sun going down and the light bending. You weren’t sure if Changbin was there, there were two boys sitting at the Hufflepuff table yet having not seen the Changbin’s face, you had no indication that he was anywhere to be seen.

It wasn’t like you were looking for him or anything.

After looking up and down the table you noticed you were the only Ravenclaw left, even the seventh-year prefect Woojin was gone, having been one of the last ones to leave and help the first-years to the train. It all looked so empty sitting there, so you decided to call it a night and start the three week break in the morning.

You didn’t bother looking at anyone as you walked past, fingers playing with the pages in your Charms book as you made your way to the Ravenclaw Common Room. 

Once you were inside, having solved the riddle lock many times before and answering immediately, you looked around and sighed. You decided not to think about how empty it was, instead focusing on walking up the stairs to your room. Although your bed was soft, you looked over and saw Luna’s empty one, a small pang echoing in your chest.

“I just need some sleep.” You muttered to no one but yourself. “I’ll feel better in the morning.” Turning over, you faced the window. The snow cascaded down so hard it almost looked like rain. It was calming, along with the mix of cold and warm from the fireplace in the Common Room.

You knew the first night alone would be hard but the particular lack of a human presence anywhere near you was the most difficult thing. At night if you couldn't sleep you would find yourself talking out loud and eventually Luna would respond to you. That time, however, she wasn’t there to respond.

The first night is the worst, you thought to yourself, twisting under the comforter and trying to find a comfortable position. Just get through the first night and you’ll be okay.

Taking a deep breath you closed your eyes, reviewing different charms and spells that you had learned through the week. It was a nice distraction, and you felt yourself drift off with the sound of the wind in the background.

iv.

The start of the third day you woke up with a massive headache.

The previous two days had been spent in the Common Room, a big blue and bronze quilt draped over your figure as you stayed curled up on one of the large couches. The fireplace remained warm and inviting and you found yourself content in reading about Transfiguration and the history of magic for the first two days.

Starting the third day with a pain almost as bad as hearing the screaming of a Mandrake was definitely not how you wanted it to start, but there you were.

“Oh, fuck.” Your hand stayed on your head as you sat up, temples thumping with a rush of blood. The light from your lamp burned as you opened your eyes, forcing you to squint. 

It’s not like you hadn’t gotten enough sleep, in fact, one could argue you got too much. There were often times you sat in the large chair, book in your lap, that you found yourself dozing off, time disappearing into dust in an hourglass. You were only focused on the words in front of you and the sense of dusk outside that forced you to trudge up the stairs and finally sleep in your bed.

The rumbling of your stomach made you stand up, slipping into your robe and fixing your bed head. The time on the clock indicating it was breakfast time so you slowly trudged down towards the Great Hall, the paintings whispering as you walked by. 

As soon as you walked through the large open doors you stopped in your tracks. The Great Hall had transformed. In the middle of the room was the giant Christmas tree, lights twinkling like stars and bulbs filled with full snow scenes glittering across the branches. At the very top stood a fairy, twirling on her toe like a ballerina.

On the edge of the room right next to the fireplaces were small tables, sets of chairs set up for anyone to rest in. All of the chairs were empty except one.

Seo Changbin. 

His back was to the door, not noticing you walked in. Wanting to stay out of his eyesight, you quickly shuffled to a table as far away as possible, wincing when you pulled the chair out and a loud noise echoed through the large room. When Changbin didn’t look back you let out a breath of relief.

Your plate appeared in front of you, with all the food the castle had to offer for breakfast. Again your stomach reminded you of exactly what you came there for. You ate in silence, the past two days of living on a small dinner you would sneak down to the Great Hall to get and the few snacks you hadn’t eaten from your last outing at Hogsmeade.

As you ate your eyes wandered, settling on the only other person in the room, and you were surprised to find his eyes staring back at you. Immediately you lowered your head, playing with the egg on your plate. All the food was nearly gone and after not eating much you found your stomach was definitely full.

You were about to wave your wand to send your plate to the dishwashers when the feeling you were being watched washed over you. Pausing, you assessed your options. You took the easy way out, looking up and coming face to face with none other than Seo Changbin.

You never had enough time to actually look at him, only recognizing his name from first-year when you were sorted into your houses and being called in some classes. Now that he was standing in front of you, you noticed how handsome he was.

He had two yellow and black scarves wrapped tightly around his neck, his robe held close to his body. His cheeks and nose were a soft rosy color, as if he had fallen asleep face first on a pillow. Dark hair framed his face, red highlights reflecting in the light of the candles. His eyes were bright despite their dark color, lips curled into a slight smile and you felt a warmth different from the warmth of the candles in the room.

“Hi.” His voice was light, barely leaving his lips in a wisp of condensation from his hot breath.

“Hi.” You responded, a smile making its way onto your face.

There was a moment of silence and you realized that Changbin’s hands were resting on the back of the chair in front of you, the sound of his nails tapping onto the wood the only noise. It echoed through the room loudly. Or you just thought it was loud, the silence heightening everything around you.

“Can I sit here?” Changbin asked, pointing to the chair across from you. When you nodded Changbin smiled wider, slowly pulling out his chair and sitting down. As opposed to almost all other Hufflepuffs you’ve known, he stayed silent upon looking back up at you. Normally you would feel uncomfortable under someone’s stare, but you found yourself entranced with the way his eyes shone in the candlelight.

“So,” you broke the silence, “I see you’re also staying here for break.” Great, just the state the obvious. You thought to yourself. Looking down you noticed your plate still there, quickly taking out your wand from your robe and mumbling the spell, watching as it disappeared from in front of you.

“Yea, yea I am.” Changbin paused for a moment, softly hitting his temple with his fist. “Oh shit, I forgot to introduce myself, you probably think I’m weird. My name’s Seo Changbin, Hufflepuff, fifth-year.” He stuck out his hand and you chuckled at his adorable expression, like he was mentally hitting himself.

“I’m Y/N, Ravenclaw, fifth-year as well.” You reached out, his hand was warm and fit well in your own. The handshake was done way too fast, you noticed, trying not to let a pout show itself. 

It was then that you realize you had quite literally rolled out of bed earlier, rubbing a hand over your face and smoothing down your hair with your other. “I just woke up, I probably look so bad right now.” You laughed.

“I think you look cute.” Changbin mumbled, shrugging his head and looking down at his hands. Before you could reply - quite possibly with a you too - he looked back up at you. “I just woke up as well, I was up all last night studying for OWLs and I was so hungry I figured I should probably have breakfast.” 

“Are you nervous for the exams?” You were intrigued about whether or not everyone else was as scared about OWLs as you and your friends were. Just from the tidbits Jisung heard around the castle, Gryffindors were leisurely studying, Slytherins were nowhere to be seen in the library, probably studying in their Common Room, and most Hufflepuffs were in their own little study groups, determined on studying almost as much as Ravenclaws were.

“I definitely am. I think most of us are, we all have one or two subjects we are the most scared for.” You nodded along to his words, watching the way his fingers tapped on the table. 

“What subjects are the hardest for you?” You asked.

“Charms for sure. This dumb thing,” he pulled out his wand from his robe, “refuses to listen to me sometimes.”

His wand was very pretty, you noted. Dark wood with specs of gold glittered throughout it. A lighter brown wood flashed from beneath his fingers and you saw a soft glow from the tip as he waved it around. When he put it back in his robe you trailed your eyes back up to his face, a lopsided grin stuck on it.

“How about you? Surely you don’t have anything you’re too worried about, you’re top of our class.” Changbin leaned forward, shoulders no longer slouched in an uncomfortable position. It surprised you that he knew who you were, yet a smile involuntary made its way onto your face. 

You shrugged, not wanting to admit that your worst subject was one that his house should be the best at. “I’m not top of the class.” When Changbin raised his eyebrows you chuckled. “Okay, okay, top five, but I’m not first!”  He raised his hands up in defeat, a louder laugh echoing from the both of you. From the top of the Christmas tree the fairy chuckled as well.

“You’re avoiding my question.” Changbin smirked, crossing his arms in a playful manner.

“You’re really observant.” At this point you weren’t avoiding his question because of embarrassment, it was actually quite fun to mess around with someone other than Jisung. 

“You do know I’m a Hufflepuff? There’s no way in hell I’m going to let you off the hook.” 

You sighed dramatically, throwing yourself onto the table and smiling at the table upon hearing Changbin’s laugh. Actually, it was more of a giggle than a laugh. But either way it was really cute and you were sure you wanted to hear it more often.

“Herbology.” You mumbled into the table. When a sound of confusion came from the boy across from you, you spoke up. “Herbology!”

There was silence, and when you looked up you almost had the wind knocked out of you. Changbin was smiling, an extremely big smile that made his eyes disappear and his nose scrunch up. You’re friends had told you he was cute but he blew past that statement. He was more than just cute, he was like ultra cute with a big side of extremely handsome.

You were too busy admiring Changbin that you missed what he said, your face heating up when you had to ask. “What?”

“I said,” He chuckled again, arms unfolding and resting back onto the table. “I’m quite good at Herbology, one of the top in the class, in fact.” Although he said that, it wasn’t in a bragging tone, more of a proud hint to his voice. “I can help you if you want?”

The reminder of the loneliness you would be going back to if you said no creeped into your mind. Paired with a small warmth that spread through you when Changbin smiled prompted you to nod. 

“Sure. I definitely need it.” You chuckled, completely forgetting about the deal you made with Jisung. 

Above you the fairy on the Christmas tree squealed. “Ah, young love!” She screamed, her shrill voice echoing through the large room and piercing your ears. As she said that you're whole body felt warm, but not the warmth that previously came and went. Looking at Changbin you found his face turned towards the floor, his cheeks dusted once again with pink and the corners of his lips pulled into a small smile.

“So what were you planning on doing today?” Changbin asked, the tint in his cheeks slowly fading. Perhaps you were letting your loneliness guide you, but you found yourself drawn into Changbin and his soft smile and pretty laugh. That or you had been slipped a love potion in your breakfast. Or Changbin was just that alluring. 

It was probably the last one.

“Just studying.” You shrugged, not having anything special except digging your face in a book. “That’s why I stayed here for break. That and the fact that all my relatives in one house together isn’t the best thing to go home to.” 

“I get it, family is complicated.” Changbin nodded. “Do you wanna maybe study together? You know that saying, two heads are better than one.”

“Yea, I think that would be leagues better than staying cooped up in my Common Room. I can only take so many taunts from the paintings outside for not coming out all day.” You rolled your eyes, reminded of the annoying voices that were seemingly like a loudspeaker in the Common Room. How their voices carried through the walls like that, you had no clue, but you wished that they had built the castle more soundproof.

“Oh don’t remind me.” Changbin groaned. “I get a lot of shit from our paintings as well. So annoying.”

“So do you want to go to the library?” You asked, getting up from your spot at the table. “Oh wait, I need to stop by my Common Room to get my scarf, it’s only going to get colder as the day goes on.” There were plenty of books in the library to study from, not needing your assigned textbooks just yet. You definitely didn’t, however, want to die from hypothermia. 

Changbin stood up as well, hand tousling the messy hair at the back of his head. “Do you wanna use my extra scarf?” His other hand played with the edges of the extra fabric around his neck. “I mean, as long as you don’t mind wearing another house’s colors.”

“Oh,” You said, surprised. “I don’t mind, but won’t you be cold?”

“I’ll be fine, it’s actually kinda hot in here so I was going to take it off anyways.” Changbin’s face was flushed, teeth pulling at his bottom lip. 

“Okay then, thank you.” You smiled, watching him quickly unravel the yellow fabric and hold it out for you. When you grabbed it you noticed how warm it was, like it had been sitting in front of a heater for an hour. You didn’t mind though, wrapping it around your neck and nearly nuzzling into it. There was a delicate smell to it, like laundry soap that had just started to fade and you wondered if this is how Changbin smelled in general.

Stop it, you thought to yourself, just friends. Focus on OWLs. Your fingers played with the edge of the scarf. It was then that you noticed Changbin staring at you, waiting for you to do something, and you realized you had just been standing there playing with the loose strings of the accessory. 

“So,” You flipped the scarf over your shoulder, striking an overdramatic pose. “How do I look?” The warmth came back when Changbin laughed, and you fought to smother it into ashes.

“Hm, I think you look fabulous, a natural Hufflepuff.” You smacked his shoulder. “Hey! That was the highest compliment I could have given you.” Loud laughter echoed through the Great Hall again, and you were sure the unicorns and other animals in the Forbidden Forest could have heard it from over there.

“Okay let’s go before you think up any other ‘compliments’ for me.” You gestured towards the library. It was only two floors up so luckily it wasn’t that far of a walk, but you still wanted to get it over with so you could relax in the soft chairs up above.

“You say that like I don’t already have a whole catalogue loaded into my brain.” Changbin turned towards the big doors, looking up in the general direction of the library. “I’ll race you?”

Upon hearing that you got into what you could only assume was a good enough stance for getting ready to run. “Okay.” You said, crouching down even more and looking towards your right at Changbin. “1, 2, 3, go!”

With that, you took off, laughing at the faded yelling of Changbin following behind you. Everything turned into a blur, yellow streaks from your (Changbin’s) scarf and the words being screamed at you from the paintings quickly passing by faded until you didn’t care about anything. It was freeing, being able to run through the halls and not worry about losing points (though you did think about the paintings ratting you out to the professors when they came back).

As soon as you had passed through the door to the library you stopped in your tracks, hands resting on your knees and breath coming out in small gasps. It wasn’t everyday you ran as fast as you did, in fact, the last time you did run that fast you were being chased by a small troll through the Forbidden Forest.

You took your time walking to one of the plush chairs surrounding a huge table, plopping down on it unceremoniously. Yeah, you had won the race, but had you really won the race? 

Within a few seconds of sitting down Changbin came bounding through the door frame, chest pumping with every labored breath he took. He followed the same path as you, starting with his hands on his knees and then slowly shuffling towards a chair. Unlike you, he nearly collapsed before reaching the chair, fortunately he barely made it, a loud thud echoing through the library when he fell into it.

“Holy,” He took a breath and let it out, “shit.” Changbin laid back in the chair, hands clasped in front of his stomach. “You’re so,” Another breath, “fucking fast.”

“I knew a shortcut.” You tried to laugh but all that came out was a puff of air, lungs still working overtime to provide you oxygen.

“Damn Ravenclaws.” Changbin mumbled, his breath still escaping in short puffs.

You both took a few minutes to calm down, your backs resting comfortably on the plush cushions. You felt your breath even out, a small bead of sweat falling from your hairline. The smell of old books filled your nostrils, small fibers from the scarf coming up to tickle your nose. Although you had just run until you felt like your lungs would pop, you felt relaxed.

Snow fell softly outside, cascading past the windows of the library and making everything feel like a winter wonderland even from the comfort of the heat filled castle. There was a sense of urgency to study, what with so little time until OWLs, yet as you sat there, you also felt comfort wash over you. You still had a month and a half, there was time.

“We should start studying now.” Changbin said, his voice still holding an airiness to it. Despite him saying that, neither of you moved, feet staying planted on the plush carpet. Neither of you bothered to even sit up, backs being scrunched up slightly from slouching.

A few more minutes passed by, your fingers stroking the soft chair and head turned to watch the snow falling outside. You desperately wanted to grab a thick coat and just lie in the snow for a few hours. Or a few days. Or a few weeks. However long it took for your mind to stop worrying about OWLs.

“Penny for your thoughts?” His soft voice pierced the silence, and you tore your eyes away from the winter wonderland outside to look at Changbin. His hair was cut perfectly, some strands wavy and messy while others completely straight. His eyes were completely calm, just observing you and you felt more exposed than if you were just given a truth serum.

“Just thinking about the snow and OWLs.” You rested your cheek on your shoulder (well, the thick yellow scarf covering your shoulder) eyes closing for a moment of peace before opening them to Changbin’s gaze again. “You know, stressing about exams is my secret talent.” You continued, a near silent chuckle escaping you.

“You don’t have anything to worry about, you’re one of the smartest people in the castle, but a little extra studying won’t hurt.” Changbin sat up, a loud huff accompanied by a puff of air following his statement.

“Fine, fine.” You sat up as well, tightening Changbin’s scarf around your neck. There was a slight scent of pine needles and cinnamon, an unlikely combination but it made you immediately relax. “But don’t blame me if I start dozing off, your scarf is way more comfortable than any of mine.”

“If you want, you can keep it, I have Hufflepuff friends that took up knitting and can make me however many I want.” Changbin smiled and you declined to retort with, well they won’t smell like you. 

“I’ll think about it.” You looked around at the rows of books, debating silently what subject to start first. Of course, the logical thing would be to start on what you were the worst at, but sometimes you decided to ignore those thoughts in favor of working up to the worst. “So where should we start? History of magic?”

With Changbin’s nod you both set out a plan of gathering books, spreading them on the table and skimming through each one. Occasionally you would quiz one another, loud laughter erupting in the normally quiet space when one of you would mumble a funny answer to one of the questions. 

That continued until the sky started turning orange outside the windows, a deeper sense of fatigue settling over the both of you and reminding you both that sleep was an important part of studying. It was then that you both rose from your seats, uttering a soft goodbye with a warm handshake as you both went your separate ways to your Common Rooms.

It was also that night that you realized you hadn’t taken his scarf off.

v.

This pattern of eating breakfast in peace at the same table and racing to the library to study all day went on for a few more days until one morning you approached your normal table, plates of food already laid out. Changbin was already sat down, stuffing his cheeks with everything he could fit in there. 

“Are you okay?” You asked, sitting down in front of him and starting to eat. You noticed it was everything you always put on your plate, and your face heated up at the thought of Changbin paying that close of attention on you. Luckily you could hide any hint of the heat rising with the scarf - Changbin’s scarf - wrapped around your neck.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” His cheeks were still stuffed with food, words coming out slightly jumbled. “I figured today could be the day we get some good old hands-on practice!”

“Okay, I’m both confused and worried at the same time.” You started eating, the warmth from the food spreading through your body and instantly brightening you up from the bone chilling cold night before. 

You both ate in silence, Changbin finishing before you and spending his extra time looking at the Christmas tree. He had a small smile on his face, the lights from the ornaments dancing across his features. With the soft light from the tree illuminating you both, you sat staring at Changbin, who was quite literally glowing.

“Okay so what are we doing today?” You asked, sending your plate away once you had finished eating.

A sly grin made its way onto Changbin’s face and he leaned forward, hand resting underneath his chin. “It’s a surprise.”

“Oh, great. I love surprises.” You said sarcastically, yet a smile still popped up. As much as you tried to act upset or annoyed at not knowing, you couldn’t stop the warmth that filled you at having Changbin’s smile, albeit mischievous, directed at you.

Changbin stood up, extending his hand towards you. Confused, you stood up as well, putting your hand into his and feeling the warmth heat up when he interlaced your fingers. “Close your eyes.” The last thing you saw before darkness washed over you was the slight tint of pink on Changbin’s cheeks and the tilt of his lips up in a now genuine smile.

You inched forward slowly, Changbin’s hand firmly secured in your own so you didn’t accidentally walk into a wall or something. “Just trust me.” Changbin’s voice came from directly next to you and he squeezed your hand softly. You chose not to reply, just squeezing his hand back and waiting as he started picking up the pace.

When you finally started walking normally you focused your other senses, listening to the pictures mumble things about people in the castle over break, to which Changbin firmly shushed them. His hand was warm, palm moist with a thin layer of sweat. Whether it was from your hand in his or the warmth of the fireplaces providing heat you didn’t know. 

From what you knew of the placement of the paintings, you were headed in the opposite direction of the library. As you already guessed, you knew that you weren’t going there, yet the curiosity still ate you up inside. 

All of a sudden Changbin stopped and you almost ran into him, a sound of surprise coming from your lips. The feeling of his eyes on you even though you couldn’t see him made you impatient. You tapped your shoe on the ground, trying to fill the silence with some sort of noise. 

“Okay you can open your eyes.” Changbin said, slowly disconnecting your hands and you had to fight to keep the frown off your face.

Opening your eyes you found you were stood in front of the door to the Herbology room, the full glass wall showing the rows and rows of plants all laid out. The thought of actually handling them while the professor wasn’t there was worrying, and you looked towards a smiling Changbin with raised eyebrows.

“So we’re going to be messing with the plants? Without the professor?” Your voice raised slightly in worry.

“Well, yeah. Why else would I bring you here?” The smile on Changbin’s face comforted you, yet you still had the thought of not being allowed in there. “I know what you’re thinking,” Changbin continued on when he noticed you not answering, “Professor Longbottom asked me to stay behind during break to tend to the plants. You could say I have a green thumb.” He gave a thumbs up and you chuckled.

“So I’m not gonna die of a mandrake’s scream or anything?” Changbin chuckled at your question. 

“Just trust me.” He said, opening up the door and gesturing for you to walk in. “I wouldn’t let you die, there’s no one else to pin it on if you do.” 

“Ha ha,” you faked a laugh, walking into the Herbology room. It was a completely glass room, and you could see the thick snow blanket on the ground outside. You had to admit it was a very beautiful sight, and you stood in awe. The rainbow of plants contrasting with the pitch white outside was picture perfect.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” Changbin came up behind you, walking down to the opposite end of the room. From there, he picked up two pots, each with similar looking leaves and shapes. You were still mesmerized by the picturesque background to focus on anything that was happening in the warm room. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Changbin asked, much closer. He was still holding the two pots of plants.

“It’s just, so beautiful.” You had seen snow plenty of times before, being at Hogwarts for five years and being there for the slow building cold months, but nothing compared to the sight you saw. The inches of snow coating the ground made everything look bright, even the dark leaves on the trees at the edge of the forest were stark white. It was like a winter wonderland you would only see on TV.

“Yea it is.” Changbin sat the pots down, turning around and leaning on the table. He faced the outside, a soft smile on his face as he watched the slow cascading of the snow. “I’ve been staying here for the past two years to take care of the plants and I’ll never get tired of how gorgeous this view is.” 

When you tore your eyes away from the outside you looked towards Changbin, your face becoming hot upon noticing he was staring at you. You smiled at him, turning around towards the plants on the table. “So what are these?” You asked. You recognized the colors and leaf shapes but you doubted you could dig deep in your brain to remember what their names and purposes were.

“Well,” Changbin turned around, gesturing to the plant on the left. “This one is wormwood. We’ve used it before in Potions class. It’s most commonly used for healing potions, but putting too much could result in extreme effects including death. Kinda ironic.”

You nodded along, watching the way Changbin softly petted the plant. It was almost as if he was communicating with them. His touch was gentle, the same sort of gentle as when he held your hand while leading you to the classroom.

“This one is very similar, both in looks and use. This is dittany.” He pointed to the other plant to his right. “It’s used for healing but doesn’t need to be mixed into a potion, just one leaf could heal a skin wound.” 

You again nodded at what he was saying, trying to distinguish between the two. It became easier as you observed them up close, closer than the professor would let anyone in class. Everything started clicking together and as you listened to Changbin go on and on about each and every plant in the room (besides the mandrakes, you already knew plenty from the extensive lesson in second-year) you started understanding just how to tell the difference between each and every plant. For so long you despised walking into Herbology class but the way Changbin described it made it seem so simple and even a little bit fun.

As he went on you helped him tend to the plants, listening to him naming and describing each one along the way. The way his eyes would light up upon looking at each different pot as he walked along made a smile appear on your face. He was so engulfed in talking that he didn’t notice you stop at the end of a row, watching as he was oblivious to everything happening around him.

When he finally noticed you weren't behind him he had reached the opposite end of the row, turning around and seeing you standing so far away at the other end of the room. He had stopped talking, fingers tapping on the wood table in front of him. His lip was pulled between his teeth, a hint of rose on his cheeks.

“Sorry, I get carried away with talking about the plants.” He shrugged, looking back up at you. 

“No it’s okay.” It was your turn to get embarrassed, even though moments ago you had kind of, not really, been staring at him unabashedly. “I’m learning so much better than if I was stuck in front of a textbook all day. Besides,” You started walking up the row slowly, recalling all the plant’s names in your head. You could remember some of them, and you thought that even a little progress was progress nonetheless. “I love listening to people talk about what they’re passionate about.”

“What are you passionate about?” Changbin asked.

You thought for a moment, your feet stopping in front of a lily flower. “Learning.” You started, “I’ve also really loved astronomy since I was a kid. It’s one of my best subjects.” 

“I’m not that great with astronomy. They’re so far away that I just end up not caring too much but the stars are pretty to look at.”

“I can help you with it one day if you want?” You asked as you started to walk forward again. Outside a strong wind whistled through the trees but you paid no mind, focusing instead on the pricks of the leaves of each plant you passed by. You made sure not to touch the poisonous ones, Changbin was a plant expert but he couldn’t stop the effects of any of the deadly plants.

There was silence as Changbin nodded, turning around to load the mister with water for the plants. By the time you made your way up to him he had finished, facing you again with the same pink cheeks and smile on his face. You pushed down the thought of leaning forward just a bit more, and instead pulled back, one of your hands going to stroke the leaves of a dittany plant. The room was a mix of scents, though the unmistaken rush of cinnamon from the scarf around your neck flushed everything else out. 

“I, uh, I think that's enough for the day.” Changbin was the first to break the silence, one hand playing with his sleeve while the other tapped on the table in front of him. “Those are all the ones Professor Longbottom said would be on the test, but don’t tell him I told you.”

“There’s no paintings in here to eavesdrop and rat us out so your secret’s safe with me.” You made a lock gesture over your mouth, lightly tossing the imaginary key over your shoulder. 

“Hm.” He put his hand on his chin, stroking an imaginary beard. “Okay, I guess I can trust you.”

“Well you've already told me so you’ve got no choice.” You laughed, noticing the sun starting to set outside. Long shadows made the glass room you were in seem much more eerie. “So, should we get going back to our rooms? It’s getting dark.”

Changbin leaned forward, the same damned smirk on his face and you didn’t know whether you wanted to slap it off or kiss it off. “Are you scared? I can protect you.” He raised his right arm, flexing it but with his thick robe in the way you couldn’t see any hint of muscle.

“If anyone is gonna need protecting it’s you,” You jabbed at his arm, laughing when he feigned hurt. “I’m the stronger one here.” You mimicked Changbin, holding up your right arm and flexing.

“Remind me never to meet you in an alley, I’m afraid I’ll get my ass beat.” Changbin held up his hands in defeat, eyebrows raised and a loud laugh coming from his mouth. When he lowered his arms his smile lowered as well. “It’s getting really dark though, do you want me to walk you back to your Common Room?” 

You were going to decline, but then you remembered what you said only moments ago. Perhaps tonight was the best night to help him in return. “Actually, I have a surprise for you.”

Another strong wind from outside rustled the branches of the trees. The sun had almost completely set, and you knew that was the perfect opportunity to go somewhere you had been missing out on since everyone left for break. 

“Oh? Okay, where are we going?” Changbin asked.

“It’s a surprise.” You smirked, leaning forward and grabbing his hand as he did to you earlier in the day. “Close your eyes.” 

You waited for Changbin to close his eyes, not before giving you a very suspicious look to which you raised your eyebrows. Once he did, you interlaced your fingers with his, taking notice on how sweaty they were. Deciding not to torture him too much, you started walking, taking special care not to bump him into any walls or anything. 

“You better not be leading me to the pools to push me in.” Changbin threatened from behind you, the hand that wasn’t grasped in yours covering his eyes. 

“I’m not that cruel.” You chuckled, almost wincing at how tight he was holding your hand. On the surface you could see no nervousness, but with the way his fingers twitched and the small scrunch of his nose you knew he was hesitant. “Just trust me, I trusted you right?” When Changbin made a small noise of agreement you continued. “Exactly, you’ll be fine.” 

A silence filled the castle as you continued walking, knowing it was only a few more minutes before you made it to your destination. A deep rumble came from behind you and before you could ask any questions the familiar notes of a Christmas song came flowing around you. You decided not to say anything, enjoying the soft sound of Changbin’s voice behind you drowning out the murmurs of the paintings you passed. 

By the time you got to the tower Changbin was humming the end of the Christmas song, his thumb tapping the rhythm into your hand. It was quite comforting to have his voice fill the silence, bouncing off the walls and seemingly echoing through the whole castle.

“Okay.” You stopped in front of the doors, giggling at how Changbin almost ran into you. “You can open your eyes now.” 

Changbin took his hand off his face, eyes opening and immediately finding yours before searching around. His mouth dropped open when he saw the intricate carvings on the door in front of you.

“As payment for you helping me with Herbology I decided to help you with Astronomy.” You released his hand, a cold air rushing in and reminding you how empty it was.

“Aren’t we gonna get in trouble if we’re in there?” Changbin asked, the hand that was previously in yours fall to his side, palm slowly rubbing on his robe.

“Professor Sinistra lets me up here all the time.” You proceeded forward, holding open the door and waiting for him to follow. “I go up here at least twice a week, you’ll be fine, I promise.” 

Changbin didn’t say anything as he followed, the only sounds being your feet on the steps going up to the top of the tower. You had climbed these steps hundreds of times before but it never really got easier, you found. It was extremely tall, the tallest thing in the castle, and your legs always felt like jelly by the time you made it to the top. 

That time, as well, your legs wobbled when you finally reached the top, but a hand rested lightly on your back, steadying you and preventing you from falling. “Careful.” Changbin’s voice was very close behind you, his fingertips just barely pressing into your spine. “I thought you said you had been up here many times before.” 

“I guarantee your legs would never get used to walking up these stairs either.” You shot him a side eye, walking over to the far end of the room and sitting down. “Come on.” You patted the spot next to you. You didn’t see Changbin come to sit next to you but you felt his presence move and eventually settle beside you. 

“It’s so beautiful.” Changbin followed your eyes to the ceiling. Night had settled in and with the darkness of the forest around the castle it only amplified the bright show above your heads. You made a noise of agreement, your shoulder brushing up against Changbin’s. 

“So, test time.” Changbin groaned at your statement and you rolled your eyes, resting back on your hands as you continued to search the sky for the perfect question. “Where is Capella?”

Once you found it yourself, you looked over at Changbin, chuckling at the absolutely clueless look on his face. The light from the stars lit up his features, his pouted lips, scrunched up nose and quick flickering eyes all shone with a glittering shimmer. 

“Don’t laugh at me!” Changbin’s pout extended further when he heard your laugh, “How do you find them? They all look the same.” 

You tried to not laugh anymore, but the way his lip jutted out and the loud sigh that escaped him was too cute, so you chuckled again. “You have to put it in perspective of Polaris, the North Star.”

“There,” You pointed up towards the bright star directly above you both, “is Polaris. So Capella is due east of Polaris and it’s also one of the brightest stars. We learned about this in second year. There it is.” You found the constellation it was in and pointed, looking over at Changbin and finding him squinting in the general direction of where your finger was. 

“Which one?” Changbin asked, still squinting towards the stars. 

You sat up, leaning over and grabbing one of Changbin’s arms. Time seemed to slow down as your fingers danced up his arm, pushing his fingers down until only his index finger was up. You guided his hand until he was pointing at the star in question, but you didn’t let go of him.

“There it is.” You didn’t feel the need to raise your voice so you softly spoke into the air around you. “There’s Capella.” 

When you finally let go of his hand you turned to him, a near silent gasp escaping you when you realized just how close you were. Your noses were almost touching and you felt both the warmth from his breath and from his body heat. There was also a familiar warmth that started at your face and spread through your whole body. You were almost tempted to take off your - Changbin’s - scarf but you decided against it, knowing the cold would creep in quickly.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Changbin had lowered his hand and it was resting in his lap. The fog from his breath lingered in the air before floating up towards the stars.

You tried to think of something to tell him other than the overwhelming warmth that undoubtedly came from being under his gaze, or the fact that you were only mere inches away from kissing him. It was something you never really entertained the idea of, dating. Sure, there were cute guys and girls at the school but you knew studying was way more important. 

But spending the past few days with Changbin, laughing and studying and having quite possibly the best time in a while with him, all you thought about was spending whatever time you could with him. Perhaps it was the loneliness or perhaps it was actually Changbin, you weren’t sure but you were more than happy to spend the rest of the break with him. 

“Uh,” You stuttered, moving away from him and looking down at your hands. Your face burned and when you looked back up at Changbin you saw his cheeks were a bright crimson. “Just really happy that I have someone to spend the break with. I can imagine how lonely it must be to be the only person in the castle.”

“Yeah,” Changbin looked down at his hands in his lap. “I love taking care of the plants but the past two years have been kinda lonely.” He shrugged, looking back up at you. By the time his eyes met your his cheeks had slowly lost their red color. “But you’re here now so it’s much better now.”

You nodded, and through the silence you felt the tendrils of sleep clawing at your brain. You fought back a yawn and looked back up at the stars. Ever since first year you had been coming up there at night to watch the stars. There was something so peaceful and serene about sitting in the tower and just sitting underneath the stars.

“Tired?” Changbin smiled softly. When you nodded he stood up, extending his hand to you. “I’ll walk you back to your Common Room.”

You reached forward and let yourself get helped up, smiling back at him. As soon as you were upright he let go of your hand and you fought not to get disappointed at the lack of his hand in yours. 

“My brain is melted from talking about Herbology.” You laughed as you started walking down the steps of the tower. “So many plants and uses and effects.”

“I feel the same about Astronomy and Charms, an infinite amount of stars and hundreds of thousands of spells to memorize. It’s fucking impossible.” Changbin said, his feet making a loud echo through the stone walls. 

“Nothing is impossible.” You countered, focusing your eyes on your feet and trying not to miss a step. “Things get hard but not impossible.” 

You walked in silence, the only sound you heard was the soft footsteps and the whispers of the paintings. 

“You shouldn’t be out at night.” A woman spoke loudly from one of the paintings. The pictures around her seemed to get the message in a chain reaction, they all looked around at each other and repeated the same phrase. 

In your head you knew the paintings couldn’t do anything at that moment to get you in trouble, but you also knew they could relay messages to professors when everyone got back. You looked back at Changbin, eyebrows furrowed in worry.

“Can’t we just have some fun?” Changbin shot back at the paintings, and you watched with amusement as they all were silenced. “You’ll probably forget by the time everyone comes back anyways.” 

You both laughed as the paintings disappeared behind their borders. As your laugher dissipated a low hum came from behind you and you smiled at the sound of whatever song Changbin was humming along to. 

The walk to your Common Room wasn’t too long, so you got there before Changbin could finish the first song. There wasn’t much else to say, but you also found that you didn’t really need words to convey whatever you were feeling.

You nodded towards Changbin, the small hint of a smile being somewhat hidden by the yellow scarf around your neck. Heat creeped up your face when Changbin mirrored your expression, his eyes never leaving yours.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” It came out as more of a statement than a question but you still nodded to confirm. “Great.” Changbin stood still, not moving. “I’ll, uh, I’ll go now.”

When you nodded again you turned to the door to your Common Room, watching out of the corner of your eye to see Changbin turning around, fingers playing with the sleeves of his robe and head ducked low. You read the riddle on the picture above the door, getting distracted when you heard a voice from the hallway.

It was singing.

It was Changbin. 

You stood there in front of the door and listened to him singing. Although you couldn’t really distinguish any words other than ‘love’ and ‘snow’, you were still in awe at how pretty he sounded. His singing was much different than his speaking voice. Where his voice was deep and rough, his singing was light and airy. Never in a million years would you expect him to sing like that but you loved it.

His voice slowly dissipated as he walked away, and you stayed standing there until the last note could be heard following him towards the Hufflepuff Common Room. You wondered if he would still be singing in his dorm room, and you thought of him pacing his room, a serious look on his face as he continued to sing. 

You were disappointed when you could no longer hear him, so you quickly solved the riddle to get into your Common Room. By the time you had finally settled into your bed, changing from your robe into something far more comfortable, you realized something. If it was possible for you to fall deeper into your feelings for Seo Changbin, you were Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

“Fuck.” You said to yourself, hands going to rub at your eyes in an attempt to scrub all the thoughts from your brain. That, unfortunately, did not work, and you continued to think about Changbin’s beautiful singing and bright smile and everything else about him until you eventually fell asleep. 

vi.

After days of the same routine, going to the Herbology room for the day to learn about the next batch of plants and then to the Astronomy Tower to try and teach Changbin about another cluster of stars, you were quite literally burnt out. 

Yeah, it was endearing to see how passionate Changbin got about the plants, and helping him tend to them really boosted your knowledge, but it got to the point where you felt as though your brain was going to burst from how full it felt. You were also sure Changbin felt the same way because the last night you went to the tower he had fallen asleep, cheek squished on your shoulder and soft breaths escaping into fog around you.

“I’m so done with studying.” Changbin groaned as he hung his head over his plate of food. It was almost empty and you laughed at him almost dipping his nose in his syrupy pancakes.

“We can do something else if you want.” You suggested, finishing up your breakfast and sending your plate away. 

Changbin lifted his head up, mouth tilted and nose scrunched in thought. You waited for a few moments, observing the way his teeth teased his bottom lip and his eyes flickering between the lights hanging above.  

All of a sudden it was like a lightbulb had been lit up above his head, his whole body stiffening up and his eyes quickly snapping to meet yours. “I know what we should do!” You shushed him when his voice came out just tad bit louder than you would have liked, even though there was no one else in the room to be annoyed.

“Please tell me it’s not a surprise.” Not that you would have hated if it was a surprise as that meant you would have gotten to hold his hand again which you definitely weren’t opposed to, but you weren’t too keen on not knowing where you were going. 

“Well it would be pretty hard to hide this surprise so I’ll say no.” He chuckled, finishing his food at a very alarming rate. “Come on, let’s go!” The excitement in his voice only served to make your heart pump faster as well, a big smile curling past the edge of your scarf.

You followed him as he stood up, eyebrows raising as he stuck out his hand again. If this wasn’t a surprise, why did he want to hold your hand? You thought as you looked at him.

And he seemed to read your mind, because a pink hue spread across his face, the hand that wasn’t held out to you coming up to the back of his neck. “Oh, just so I don’t lose you.” Changbin smiled but it was more of a nervous one than the excited smile he had shown only moments before. “You know, the castle is really big. One wrong turn and we’re miles away from each other!”

His logic was sound, and you definitely weren’t opposed to holding his hand again so you made no protest, reaching forward and feeling warmth envelop you as your fingers intertwined again. While you weren’t sure exactly what the warm feeling was, you knew that it felt nice and it spread through your whole body. It wasn’t a hot warmth, but a comforting one, and you wanted to feel it all the time.

But if it only happened when you were near Changbin then, fuck. Perhaps you liked Changbin more than thought, or wanted to think, but you knew that at the end of the break you would go back to being strangers and you didn’t want to face that heartbreak. 

“Where are we going?” You asked, noticing that instead of turning right or left at the Great Hall doors, Changbin started walking forward, toward the front of the castle.

Changbin didn’t answer you until you were skirting the edge of the forest, the cold breeze nipping at your nose and cheeks. “It’s boring in the castle so I figured we could go to Hogsmeade.” When he turned back to you his nose was red, cheeks still pink and eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Is that allowed?” Your hand gripped Changbin’s tightly, the freezing temperatures making you cling to any warmth you could get and obviously it was all coming from him.

“There are no professors here to get us in trouble, and the people at Hogsmeade aren’t going to give a shit about our robes or anything.” Changbin shrugged, and you noticed you weren’t headed in the normal direction of village, but through a small path in the middle of the woods.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a Hufflepuff? You know, always following rules.” Your questions kept coming, and you looked sideways. Changbin’s nose was red, his cheeks almost matching. His scarf nearly covered his mouth, but you could still see the fog from his breath escaping through the fibers. As the snow fell around you, you noticed small snowflakes sticking to Changbin’s eyelashes. 

Before you could catch yourself staring, he turned to you, the snowflakes on his eyelashes slowly melting every time he blinked. “Even a Hufflepuff has to have some fun.” He winked at you, the tip of his lips curling above the scarf in a sly smile. 

The walk to Hogsmeade was much quicker than the normal way, and you wondered how many people knew of the shortcut. By the time Changbin had turned back to look down the path, a large brick wall was coming into view. Paired with the mix of talking, laughing and music growing louder as you approached, you were surprised at how quick you had made it there.

“Wow, that was quick.” You noted, looking up and down the wall and seeing you were right outside the village. There was no door, however, just the dark bricks that were jutting out in a distinct pattern.

Instead of responding, Changbin released your hand and you hoped he didn’t spot the way your bottom lip mimicked the bricks, jutting out slightly. He took out his wand, tapping a seemingly random array of bricks and you watched in awe as a small portion of the wall began swinging open. 

Behind the door you could see a steady stream of people walking up and down the streets and you realized you were right in the middle of Hogsmeade, without having to go through the front gates and deal with security. Changbin motioned for you to follow him, and without any thought behind your decision, you reached out and grabbed his hand. His eyes were cast downward and cheeks significantly redder than previously. 

“So I don’t lose you.” You mumbled out, feeling your face heat up and lip being teased by your teeth. The boy connected to you nodded, his fingers gripping yours tightly, but not tight enough that it got uncomfortable. If anything, you noticed the familiar warmth spread through you but this time it started at your hand in his.

“Come on, let’s go.” Changbin quickly started walking, and you looked behind to see the secret door slowly closing, the lines where it was opened now smooth again. You followed quietly behind, the people walking around you paying no attention to two students coming out of a dark alley together. It was understandable, with the holidays closely approaching, people would surely be more occupied with finding presents than busting students.

“Where do you wanna go first?” Changbin turned around to ask you, turning into a space away from the constant wave of people walking, not wanting to get swept away in the crowd. The constant talking and music around you made it hard for you to hear him, and you leaned closer, a sound of confusion coming from your throat. Changbin leaned forward, and you felt his nose almost touch the shell of your ear. “I said, where do you wanna go first?”

You looked around, taking in the shops around you and deciding to start there and just keep walking. Immediately to your right was the bookshop, Tomes and Scrolls, and you thought about seeing if there were any new astronomy books you could read. 

You turned to Changbin, a small gasp escaping you when you realized just how close you were. The tip of your nose just brushed his before he pulled away slightly, the tips of his ears burning red.

“Uh,” You stuttered, eyes trailing down to his lips and the way his teeth teased the bottom one. “Can we go to Tomes and Scrolls? I want to see if there are any new astronomy books.” When you looked back up at his eyes, you were surprised to see him staring at your lips. 

“Sure.” Changbin looked away, towards the bookstore only a few steps away. He seemed to be thinking to himself before he nodded. “Yea, let’s go.” He tugged your hand, weaving through the current of people, but not without catching a few dirty gazes for occasionally bumping into someone. 

As soon as you entered the building you were hit by the smell of old parchment. It was a very familiar smell, having been there more times than you could count when you would walk through Hogsmeade during weekends. You noticed there weren’t many people in the large shop, and knowing exactly where you needed to go, you started walking there.

Once you reached the row of books you had been looking for, the science section, you turned towards the one still connected by your hands. Changbin was looking around, the old antiques lining windowsills and shelves intriguing him.

“If you want, you can go look at whatever you want.” You let go of his hand, loosening your scarf as you had just walked into a room with heating. “You don’t have to stay by my side if you don’t want to.” 

“I don’t mind.” Changbin countered but made no move to grab for your hand again. “I don’t have any books I want to look for anyway.” He smiled, gesturing towards the shelf of books. “Go ahead, nerd.”

You lightly smacked his arm, sticking your tongue out at him and beginning to walk down the aisle, but not before throwing a, “You’re the nerd here, plant boy.”

Soft footsteps followed behind you, and you began to forget about your surroundings as you immersed yourself in the books. Most of them you had read before, some of them being presents from friends or your parents and others being given to you by Professor Sinistra had gifted you for being the top of the class. 

After you had picked out a few books you were interested in, you turned to Changbin, finding him looking very confused at a book of the history of the planets. You chuckled at him, walking the few steps until you found yourself next to him.

“Having fun?” You asked, laughing when said boy looked up at you with an incredibly clueless face. 

“This all feels like another language.” Changbin snapped the book shut, putting it where he found it and fully facing you. “Are you done?” The sentence would sound impatient if it weren’t for the smile on his face. When you nodded, Changbin motioned for you to go checkout, and you walked in silence with him behind you.

As you put your books down on the counter, you smiled towards George, the store owner. “Hi Mister George!” Everyone always called him by his first name and he always had a bright smile on his face despite the slight shake in his hand and the need for a cane to walk.

“Hello Y/N, it’s been a while! Found some books you haven't read yet?” His smile made him look so much younger. George started ringing up your two books, looking between you and Changbin yet he didn’t say anything.

“Yea, studying for OWLs set me back a little bit but I’m sure I’ll catch up with your supply soon.” You chuckled, trying to think back to the last time you had came by this store and not remembering.

“I’m sure you’ll do amazing, sweetie.” George finished ringing up your books, sliding them back to you. 

After you paid you reached forward to grab the books, only to be cut off by Changbin getting there first. When you turned to him, he simply shrugged saying, “I’ll carry them for you.”

You pouted, crossing your arms over your chest and sighing. “I can do it.”

“I know, I want to carry them for you.” He countered, bringing them closer to his body.

A chuckle came from next to you, and you both looked towards the noise, finding George looking at you two with another large smile. “You two are cute together. Remind me of my wife and I, both stubborn as hell but still in love.”

You wanted to say something but your face was aflame, ears burning and head tilted toward the ground. Instead of responding, you changed the subject, “I’ll see you later, Mister George, happy holidays.” You didn’t look at Changbin as you walked away, only knowing he was following behind you when you heard his footsteps and then eventually felt his hand envelop yours. 

Neither of you said anything about what George said, but with one look at Changbin you were sure your ears probably matched his own, bright red. You would have liked to say something about what happened, apologize for not correcting him, apologizing for not confirming what he said, but to be honest you weren’t too sure of your feelings. 

“Do you mind if we go to Dervish and Banges, the magic store?” Changbin asked, nodding towards the building only a few shops down, his hands preoccupied. “I want to get a few gifts.” 

“Of course, let’s go.” You agreed, quickly making your way down the road and running into the shop.

There were more people than the bookstore, loud chatter echoing through the whole shop and you felt Changbin loosen his grip on your hand. You let go immediately, looking over at him and seeing him searching for something.

“Should we split up?” You knew you could find a few gifts for your friends, and you wanted to give Changbin some privacy. “You’re probably sick of always being stuck with me.”

Changbin chuckled, shaking his head. “Not yet.” He paused for a second. “I’m just kidding, by the way. I don’t mind being with you. I mean, stuck with you.” He corrected himself, adjusting the books that had settled on his hip. “But yea, let’s split up and find our gifts. Then we can head back to the castle.” 

“Sure, sounds good.” You held your hands out. “Let me carry the books,” when Changbin didn’t hand them over you continued, “at least until we are done in here.”

“Okay.” Changbin drew out the last syllable, slowly giving them back to you. “But only until we are headed back to the castle, and then I’ll carry them. Let’s meet back at the front of the store in an hour.”

You nodded, turning on your heels and heading straight for the sweets section. If there was one thing you knew about Luna it was that she loved sweets. Looking through the different assortment of delicious looking things you settled on chocolate frogs, recalling once she had tried to keep one of the frogs in their dorm room and for the next month it smelled like stale milk. For a moment you debated getting her the chocolate frogs, but figured that she had learned her lesson the first time. 

For a while you were strolling up the aisles, looking at different gadgets and things. For Seungmin you had gotten a journal that had a whiteboard on the front, allowing him to doodle anything he wanted on it, it also came with a paper with a spell on it to animate the drawing.

You had also gotten something for Changbin, and you hoped it wouldn't be weird getting a present for someone you had only known for two weeks. It was a small snow globe, but instead of it being full of water or small flecks of artificial snow, it was an ecosystem full of plants. They were all alive, still growing from sprouts in the bottom of the globe. You thought that he could have his own greenhouse in his dorm room for when he couldn’t walk down to the large Herbology room. 

But, Han Jisung was an enigma. He was arguably your best friend at Hogwarts, ever since you walked into the Ravenclaw Common Room and saw a very hyper Jisung playing tag with some of the other students. He had ran into you, helping you up and introducing himself. Now five years later you told him all your secrets and he told you all of his and you wanted to get him something really special for when he came back from break. 

Finally you had settled on the quills, knowing how much he wrote, especially music, on anything he could. Sometimes you would go back to bed with ink marks on your arms from where Jisung just started drawing musical notes. 

There was a huge assortment of quills, and you were quite taken aback by it. Anything from quills that told jokes to quills that wrote in invisible ink that were only visible with a spell, they all were laid out in front of you and you were extremely indecisive.

That was, until you saw it. It was a medium sized quill with a very dark feather. At first glance it looked like any normal, non magic quill, but once you picked it up you read the tag.

“Turn any song into actual music with the flick of your wrist! Just draw a music note and listen as the quill plays it for you!” 

You smiled, clutching onto it as if it was the last one. It was perfect, you thought as you made your way up to the front, handing over the things you got to the cashier. Everything you had gotten seemed to perfectly encapsulate the ones you got them for, and you were excited to be able to hand them over and see their reactions. 

However there was still a nagging feeling at the back of your mind that Changbin would find it weird that you got him a present. Maybe I shouldn’t give it to him. You thought as you retrieved the bag of items from the cashier, walking toward the front with the bag in one hand and your books in the other. 

At the front of the store you already spotted Changbin, a small bag in his hand and the other shoved into the pocket of his robe. When he spotted you he smiled before reaching out. Rolling your eyes, you handed over your books, watching as he maneuvered them to one arm, that same hand holding onto his bag.

“Ready to go?” Changbin asked, his scarf already tucked into his robe and nearly covering his mouth. 

You nodded, doing the same to your scarf (which was still Changbin’s, but at this point you really didn’t want to give it back). “Yep! I can’t wait to get back for dinner and then sleep.” If you knew anything, it was that you had no expectations of going back to the castle and studying. One day breaks can be beneficial. Besides, you already felt as if there was nothing else new to learn, and you still had a month to review. 

“I never thought I would hear a Ravenclaw complain about studying.” A soft chuckle escaped into the air as Changbin once again grabbed your hand with his free one. It went without saying anything and you accepted his fingers gripping onto yours as you walked side by side. 

“Just because we like learning doesn’t mean we like studying.” You weren’t wrong, what with the amount of groans and complaints you heard in the Common Room when studying for OWLs started you were sure that if anything, most Ravenclaws despised studying.

There was a comfortable silence that washed over you as you walked, your connected hands swinging slightly as you made your way to the secret door back to the castle. Changbin mumbled something under his breath, his hand disconnecting briefly from ours, wand tapping seemingly the same pattern as when you had entered, and you set off on the short walk back to the castle, his hand subconsciously finding his way back to yours.

“Penny for your thoughts?” He asked from beside you, eyes still focused on the white covered path. It was like a winter wonderland, but you also knew the monsters that could be hiding in any nook or behind any tree so you wanted to get back as quick as possible.

“Why do you always ask that?” It was definitely what was on your mind, and you had hoped you didn’t come across as rude. “I didn’t mean it like that, I am just curious.”

“No, it’s okay.” Changbin started swinging your hands, the cold breeze it created making you shiver slightly. “I guess it’s just an easy way to start a conversation, and it lets others talk about what they want to talk about instead of just talking about something random.”

“I never thought about it that way.” You continued walking, your hand stopped swinging in favor of Changbin’s thumb softly rubbing the top of your hand. You assumed it was on accident, a subconscious thing that he does, but he had never done it before. Not that you minded in the slightest, which was why you didn’t say anything, letting him continue on, a shy smile slipping onto your face. 

As soon as you made it to the castle you both raced into the Great Hall, the smell of dinner wafting through the walls and making your stomach growl. There was only a week and a half until break was over and five days until Christmas, so each meal leading up to the holiday seemed even more delicious than the last.

You ate quickly, the hunger in your stomach almost unbearable now that you sat down and relaxed. Besides the loud noises of you eating, there was silence, not even the fairy at the top of the tree singing. Once you were done you pushed your plate away, watching Changbin do the same. 

“I’m officially done with today.” You leaned back in your chain, your scarf hanging behind the back. “I mean, I had a great time but I’m so tired.” Sleep crawled at your eyelids and you fought not to succumb to it, especially not sitting up in a chair where there was a high possibility your body hits the floor.

“We should head to bed, we exerted a lot of energy.” Changbin mumbled, his eyes also almost closing, his bottom lip poked out in a pout and you had to convince yourself to not kiss him in your sleepy haze.

You made a noise of agreement, too tired to even form words. Your plates still sat there and with a groan you sent them away. Each second you were awake was another second that you felt sleep pulling you under.

“Come on, we should get to bed before we both fall asleep at the table.” Changbin stood up and you saw he was much more coherent than you were. Albeit, he was still swaying on his feet, eyes drooping every couple of seconds. 

Standing up, you shook your head, forcing yourself to wake up just enough to get to your bed. You grabbed your bag and books and fixed the scarf back onto your neck. With a tired smile you reached towards Changbin’s hand, interlocking fingers like you had been doing over and over the past two weeks.

Your feet dragged as you walked and at some point Changbin let go of your hand in favor of wrapping a hand around your waist. Although you were somewhere between sleep and awake, you registered his soft breath on your ear and his voice saying, “You didn’t sleep much last night, did you?”

Thinking back to it, you really hadn’t. You decided to get in some study time by yourself, talking out loud into the room and trying not to think about Changbin’s handsome face. By the time you had deemed yourself done with studying for the night, it was well past midnight, so with some quick, sleepy calculating you held up four fingers to signal how many hours you figured you got. 

Changbin nodded, keeping silent as the walk to your Common Room felt like hours but was only a few minutes. You were coherent enough to eventually pick your feet up fully, but you leaned to the side, resting your head on Changbin’s shoulder. If he didn’t like it, you could just blame it on the fatigue when you saw him in the morning. He didn’t seem to mind though, just walking along as his fingers pressed even more on your waist to keep you upright.

The riddle at the doorknob blinked, indicating you hadn’t solved it yet. Changbin looked over at you and you shook your head, rubbing off sleep just enough to be able to solve the riddle with ease. (They tended to reuse riddles a lot and within the five years of you being there you had seen a few many times before.)

“Get some sleep, Y/N.” Changbin whispered in your ear, thumb softly stroking your waist and you felt a shiver race through you. Whether that was because of the cold or because of Changbin’s extremely close proximity, you weren’t sure. Although sleep was relentlessly trying to pull you under, you were coherent enough to register just how much you liked him saying your name. 

You nodded, not wanting to take your head off his shoulder and definitely not wanting to leave his very warm presence. “Okay.” You finally mumbled after a few seconds. “You too, get some sleep Changbin.”

“I will. I promise.” Changbin laughed, and guided you towards the door. 

As you stepped through the threshold the door closed behind you, and you stumbled towards your bedroom, a smile on your face when you remembered everything that happened. The bag of your gifts hung from your hand and you set it on Luna’s bed, it’s not like she was using it at that moment anyways. 

When you collapsed in bed, pulling the blanket up to your chin and eyes closing almost instantly, you thought back to how secure you felt with Changbin’s arm around you and how warm you felt when he was around. Sure, you had had crushes before, and that atrocious date at the Yule Ball thanks to Jisung, but what you felt was something unknown and as a Ravenclaw you definitely did not appreciate not knowing what you were feeling.

“Damn you, Seo Changbin.” Your voice trailed off, sleep finally taking over.

vii.

The next four days were filled with relentless studying. You would stay in the library way past curfew with Changbin, scouring the aisles for any types of books that could help you that you hadn’t yet read. At one point you even fell asleep sitting in one of the rows of books, one minute you were searching for a book of potions and the next you were being shaken awake by Changbin.

But the morning of Christmas you woke up early, finding Changbin’s present still sitting on Luna’s bed. You decided to give it to him when you both went to tend to the plants, finding it perfect that his present fit the scenario.

You put his present in a small box, trying slowly to wrap it and make it look somewhat presentable. Unfortunately there wasn’t a spell for it to wrap itself, so you begrudgingly fought with your own fingers in an attempt to cover every inch of the box.

You weren’t sure exactly how long it took you to finally be satisfied with the present, but you did know that the sun was shining in your window, as opposed to the dark pre-sunrise glow from when you started. 

“It’s not that bad.” You said to yourself, holding out the present, observing every angle and deciding that although it did look pieced together, because it was pieced together with a lot of patches of wrapping paper, that it looked good enough to give to Changbin.

Walking down to the Great Hall, the paintings around you sang Christmas carols and you laughed when you realized that none of them matched each other, the lyrics and notes mixing together into a very noisy and unpleasant sound. 

“Can you guys at least sing the same song?” You told them as you walked past, chuckling when that only caused them to have an argument over which Christmas song was superior.

When you finally made it to the Great Hall you were stopped in your tracks, the giant Christmas tree in the middle of the room was lit up even more than it was before. Vibrant blues, greens and purples sparkled on every inch of the tree, and when you looked closer you noticed that the lights were actually moving.

“Merry Christmas!” One of the lights screamed, the high pitched voice causing you to cringe. The lights were actually fairies, flying from branch to branch. Their wings emulated multiple colors, changing every couple of seconds. 

Your eyes then travelled to another sparkling object, but as you approached your regular table you laughed, sitting down across from a very glittery Changbin.

“What happened?” You asked, leaning forward and picking a piece of tinsel out of his hair. His regularly black hair with red streaks instead looked silver under the light, an immense amount of glitter and tinsel stuck in it.

“I tried to ask the fairies to wrap my presents and they bombarded me with this.” Changbin gestured to his hair, shaking his head and laughing when glitter spewed in every direction. “At least they agreed to wrap them. I’m not that coordinated to do it myself.”

“I never thought of that. I would let them drown me in glitter if I didn’t have to wrap mine myself.” You thought back to your horrifically wrapped presents, but decided your friends would rather it be pieced together by you than perfectly wrapped by someone else.

Before you could say anything else two full plates of food flew and quite literally landed on the table. There was almost every type of breakfast you could think of sitting right in front of you and you looked up at Changbin, eyes wider than the plates. Changbin, however, was just smiling excitedly, his eyes scrunched up and cheeks shining with the remnants of glitter that had floated from his hair.

“Holy shit.” You whispered, eyes still trying to take in all the food in front of you.

“Yeah. They always serve this on Christmas. I swear I gain 5 pounds each year because I can’t stop eating.” Changbin laughed, licking his lips in anticipation. He looked like he would dive in immediately but instead he looked up at you, a lopsided grin on his face. “By the way, Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Changbin.” You smiled back before staring down at your plate and debating where to start. 

A long groan escaped your lips when you finished eating, the last of the food having been cleared from the plate. It was quite possibly the tastiest meal you had ever had, and you considered staying there for break every year just so you could eat it on Christmas Day. Looking over at Changbin you saw the same expression you harbored, a very exhausted and overwhelmed smile on both of your faces. 

“Oh. My. God.” You shook your head, “I don’t think I can eat anything else ever again.” 

“We still have dinner tonight.” Changbin reminded you, chuckling when you groaned even louder. 

You sat in silence while you waited for the immensely full feeling to pass enough for you to be able to get up. The plates still sat on the table in front of you and neither of you had the energy to send it away this time. 

Before you could gather the energy to lift your wand, a flash of glitter appearing in front of you. “Merry Christmas!” The fairy squeaked. “I’ll take care of your plates. In the meantime,” another flash and she looked above the table. When you looked up your eyes widened, seeing a small mistletoe floating above you. “Why don’t the lovely couple share a Christmas kiss?”

“Oh.” You stuttered, “we aren’t dating, actually.” Daring not to look at Changbin, you locked eyes with the fairy, watching her face drop into a very dissatisfied frown.

“Too bad, you guys look cute together.” She pouted, glitter cascading slowly down her wings as she looked at Changbin and back at you. Her eyebrows raised, like she knew something and your face heated up. “Okay, I get it.” She winked at you, “Have a fun rest of your Christmas.” 

As soon as she had appeared she was gone, the plates and mistletoe following after her. You tried to stall looking back at Changbin, in fear of your face giving your new feelings away, but you figured prolonging anything would only make you look more suspicious.

Changbin’s cheeks were red, eyes downcasted and foot tapping softly on the floor. It wasn’t enough to cause an echo, but enough that the sound travelled the short distance between you. He looked adorable, and if you had enough confidence you would have leant over the table and kissed him right there. But unfortunately you didn’t, so you settled with clearing your throat, that sound echoing through the room.

“So, don’t you need to go tend to the plants?” You had the time table memorized at that point, knowing that after breakfast you would walk with him to the Herbology room, doing the same routine over and over. It would normally have gotten boring, but just being with Changbin made everything interesting. 

“Yeah.” Changbin looked up at you for the first time since the fairy came and took your plates. His hair was splayed across his forehead, nearly covering his eyes, and you almost commented on the fact that he should get a haircut soon but you also noticed just how good his longer hair looked.

“Okay, let’s go.” You tried brushing off the heat sizzling up in you, and the cold air from the cracks in the doors did well at cooling off your burning face. When you stood up you extended your hand, waiting just an extra beat longer than normal for Changbin to slip his hand in yours. 

Rather than awkward, the walk towards the Herbology was filled with tension. Changbin’s hand was sweaty, and neither of you chose to acknowledge it as you weaved through the moving stairs and winding hallways. It wasn’t a long walk to the Herbology room, but when you finally reached the door you disconnected your hands, watching as he unlocked the room. 

His shoulders were slumped as he made his way to the water sprayer, filling it up and then checking each plant carefully. You observed him, his present weighing heavily in your pocket. What if he thought it was weird? There were doubts in the back of your head, but you had already gotten it and seeing the way Changbin looked at each plant, like they were his children, with such care and love, you knew he would like it no matter if thought it was weird.

“Hey Changbin?” You called out to him, the present being held by your two hands behind your back. 

“Yeah?” He said, turning around after setting down a potted plant. His eyes moved to your arms behind your back, eyebrows raised in confusion and a small hint of alarm. “What’s behind your back?”

Instead of answering his question, you giggled, fingers drumming on the small box holding his present. As soon as you were standing directly in front of him, you took the box out from behind your back. Under the lights you got a better look, your lips quirking up into an apologetic smile.

“I tried to wrap it myself but it didn’t go as well as I planned, I definitely fucked it up just a little bit.” Despite it looking as pieced together as a jigsaw puzzle, you were quite proud of yourself for covering each inch of the box. You watched as Changbin took the box out of your hand gently, looking at each and every angle.

“It doesn’t look that bad. It means a lot more that you did it yourself.” Changbin smiled, fingers playing along the edges of the wrapping paper taped on nearly every side. A breathy laugh escaped him as he tried to pull the wrapping paper. “I think you did too good, I can’t get the damn thing off.” 

After a few seconds of struggling with the paper he ripped the top off enough to find the box underneath. A surprised look crossed his face as he slowly removed the top. There was a moment of observing what was inside before he took it out, holding it up to the light. His mouth was slightly hanging open, eyes wide and scouring every little plant that greeted him from inside for snowglobe.

“It’s a snowglobe, except it doesn’t have snow, it has plants.” You explained, pointing to the small sprouts in the soil of the snowglobe. “I figured you could have something to look at when you can’t come here.”

Before you could say anything else, a weight was pressed against you, hands immediately coming around you and resting on your back. Changbin was hugging you, and you quickly relaxed into his arms. He was much warmer than you expected, like a portable heater. The hand that wasn’t holding his present pressed flat on your back, slowly rubbing in circles.

“Thank you.” Changbin repeated over and over. His face was squished into your neck and you felt his breath on your collarbone, a shiver running through you even though you were far from cold. Your own arms wrapped around him, palms holding onto his shoulders and you could feel his muscles moving underneath your hand when you ran it up his spine. 

You didn’t want to let go, but Changbin pulled away first, holding up his plant globe once again to the light. His eyes shone as he scanned each little plant that had shown itself in the couple of days it had been in your room. It was like he didn’t believe it, and you smiled at how happy he looked. 

“So you like it?” Your voice was hopeful, and Changbin’s eyes immediately snapped to yours.

“Of course! I love it.” His smile was everything you could have ever hoped, all the previous worry and nervousness melting off of you. “Why wouldn’t I like it?”

“Well,” when you thought back to your worries, you realized that this was Changbin you were talking about, the sweetest Hufflepuff you had ever seen, even if he liked to break rules sometimes. Hell, he was softer than Seungmin. “I was scared you would think I was weird or something. I mean, we’ve only known each other for two weeks.” Your face heated up voicing your worries to him, but you knew he wouldn't make fun of you for it.

“You’re not weird at all. We’re friends, right?” You nodded, fighting the frown at the word friends. “Then you shouldn’t feel weird. I love it! I’ve been wanting to get a plant for my room but it’s not allowed, this is the perfect substitute.” Changbin’s smile widened again, eyes going back to scanning each and every inch of the plant globe. 

“Good, I’m glad you like it.” The light from outside was slowly dimming, midday already passed and evening creeping up behind it. A bright ray of sun shone directly through the clouds, aiming directly for Changbin’s plant globe. It seemed to feed all the plants in it, and you almost gasped when you saw some of them start to grow taller right before your eyes.

The next hour was spent helping Changbin check on the plants, and within the past week and a half you had learned almost everything you could about all of the ones in the room. How to care for them, how to clean them (at least, the ones you could touch without getting harmed or killed), how to tell if they were in need of more soil or water and how to handle them without setting them off, specifically the mandrakes. 

As soon as you were done checking on them all, you looked towards Changbin, who was still admiring his plant globe every minute. The last remaining light from outside illuminated his features, and you were in awe at just how handsome he looked. 

“Can we go to the Astronomy Tower?” Suddenly Changbin looked at you, asking the question with a nervous hint to his voice. When you nodded, he smiled, and he slowly set his globe in the box you had put it in originally.

Leading him to the tower, you walked in silence, the paintings around you finally on the same page as they all sang the same Christmas song, albeit in varying volumes and pitches. At least it was the same lyrics, you thought as you walked beside Changbin.

Your feet quickly struck the floor, a sense of excitement washing over you because you knew certain stars would be better visible tonight and you couldn’t want to tell Changbin about them. Whenever you would talk about the stars to him, you found his eyes always following your finger as you pointed in the sky. Sometimes he would get it and sometimes he wouldn’t, but just seeing the stars reflected back into his eyes made your feelings for him just dig itself a little bit deeper.

After the tantalus walk up the stairs, you settled for a different spot than before to look at the stars, picking one just a little bit closer to the stairs. Sitting down, you let go of Changbin’s hand, opting instead to start pointing up at all the stars you recognized that you hadn’t yet talked about with him. 

However before you could go very far into your explanation about Pleiades and it’s mythology, you noticed Changbin looking over to the side. “Are you okay?” You asked, your hand moving to rest on his shoulder.

Instead of answering you, Changbin turned back around, his hands clasped around something and before you could ask him anything he interrupted. “Close your eyes.” When your face morphed into one of slight fear and worry, he elaborated. “Just trust me, I have a surprise for you.”

You had trusted him that whole time, so you listened, closing your eyes and relying on your other senses to try and tell what was going on around you. To your right, where Changbin was, you heard a slight rustling and then the sound of fabric on wood. You felt a familiar warmth envelop you and then the feeling of two hands in front of your face.

Trusting him, you didn’t freak out, letting it all happen and suddenly you felt something very cold hit your chest right between your collarbones. Curiosity filled your senses but you waited for Changbin to give you a noise of confirmation to open your eyes. When a small “okay” came from your right you squinted at him, nose scrunched and you were nervous to look down. 

You couldn’t see much of it, but what you did was beautiful. It was a small charm, almost like Saturn itself. There was one dark orb in the middle surrounded by two rings and the one on the inside spun slightly when you moved. It was breathtaking, and you felt your jaw quite literally drop, eyes widening and face burning. 

“Wow.” Was all you could say as you watched Changbin grow more and more visibly nervous. “I love it.” You said, slipping your hand underneath it and admiring the way the night sky seemed to make it shine even brighter.

“That’s not all it does.” Changbin’s hand ruffled his hair, eyes still not leaving the necklace resting almost perfectly directly underneath your collarbones. “Stand up.” His hand was extended towards you and you took it, letting him pull you up before taking out his wand.

One of his hands stayed clasped in yours, the other holding his wand and you stayed staring into his eyes before he was the first one to break it. The tip of his wand tapped your necklace, “astra lumora” he whispered softly and you gasped when immediately you were surrounded by stars. 

Above, below, all around you were bright sparks of stars, and you found yourself looking everywhere you could to find you were quite literally standing among the stars. It was almost as if you were floating in space with nothing around you but the gas balls. 

“This,” your eyes continued to wander before finally settling on Changbin’s bright ones. “Is beautiful. I love it so much.” You couldn’t tear your eyes away from Changbin’s. Despite being in what felt like a dream, sitting among the stars, you were grounded by his eyes on yours. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” A smile flickered on Changbin’s face, and your gaze swapped from his eyes to his lips. There wasn’t really anything else you were thinking about except kissing him, and you decided, fuck it, what better time to confess your rapidly escalating feelings for the Hufflepuff in front of you than while you were surrounded by stars?

“I’m thinking about how much I really want to kiss you.” You were so close that you only needed to whisper it, watching your cold breath escaping as a small cloud in the air. It was going to be heartbreaking if he didn’t feel the same, but it was okay, because at the end of the break you would go back to being just a Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, not interacting or talking. 

“Ask me the same thing.” Changbin’s thumb rubbed your hand softly, eyes locked on your lips.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Your voice was barely audible, the hand that wasn’t clasped in his moving up his arm to eventually rest on the back of his neck. The hairs there were sticking up and whether that was because of the cold or your proximity, you weren’t sure.

Changbin took another step closer to you, your nose brushing his. His wand was gone, tucked away into his robe as his hand wrapped around you, resting on the small of your back. “I’ve been thinking the same thing for a while.”

Instead of saying anything else, you lean forward, eyes closing. The feeling of Changbin’s lips on yours could only be described as soft. He wasn’t too hard, perhaps afraid you would break into a thousand specs, blending in with the stars surrounding you. While you did feel like you could do that, Changbin’s hand on your back and the prickly feeling of the hair on the back of his neck grounded you into reality.

Yeah, you were kissing Seo Changbin, the same guy that you didn’t want to associate with at all after learning he would also be staying behind for break. The same guy that got too excited talking about plants and had always kept his hand clasped in yours. The same guy that gave you his scarf when you forgot yours and never once asked for it back.

You definitely had no intention of giving it back now. 

Changbin tilted his head, his hand leaving yours and joining his other one on your back. Your free hand also coming up to settle on his neck, thumb tracing a vein that told you his heartbeat was pounding.

It was effortless, kissing Changbin, and you found yourself thinking that it could definitely become a habit. He was like a drug, pulling you into a sense of euphoria and relaxation that had your knees buckling. All of your senses molded into one and you weren’t sure where you started and Changbin ended, or whether you two had just slowly combined to create one bright star to join the infinite others out there.

All you knew was that Seo Changbin was there, he was kissing you, and you could spend the rest of your life stuck in his embrace and you would be the happiest person in the universe.

When you finally pulled back from the kiss, you were met with Changbin’s sparkling eyes, smile stretching from ear to ear. His cheeks were slowly gaining color, his eyes never leaving yours and you were entranced. Leaning forward you left another soft peck on his lips, a small giggle directed at the ground when you rested your forehead on his shoulder. 

“Wow.” You said for the second time.

“I know.” Changbin’s thumbs pressed a little harder into your back, palms smoothing out over your muscles and pulling you closer to him if that was even possible at that point. “So,” He started, hands now moved to your waist and the warmth you had always felt when you were around him surrounded and filled every inch of you. “Where do we go from here?”

Where do you go from there? Surely you wanted to be with him, even if you had sworn off dating in favor of studying. You could have both, right? You would force yourself to have both if it meant having Changbin with you.

“Well,” Your hands moved to Changbin’s hair, softly pulling and stroking any inch of skin you could reach. “I like you, a lot.”

“Duh.” Changbin countered, laughing when you smacked his shoulder lightly. “Okay, okay. I like you a lot too.” Although his laugh had dissipated, the gentle smile still remained.

“Do you think we could make this, like, official?” Your voice stuttered a bit, and you weren’t sure how to ask, you had only been asked out once and that was to the Yule Ball.

“You want me to be your boyfriend?” A smirk played on Changbin’s face, his shoulder ready to take another hit but you just nodded, the yellow fabric of his scarf brushing against your hand as you played with a loose string.

“As long as you want to be my boyfriend.”

“Of course I do.” Instead of saying anything else, Changbin sealed his statement with a kiss, his lips cold after being separated from yours for so long. 

After you pulled away a long yawn ripped through you, the darkness of the night pulling at your eyelids and wanting you to join so many other people in dream land. It all felt like a dream, though, and you were convinced that when you laid down to go to sleep that you would just wake up. 

“We should get some sleep.” Changbin said, pulling out his wand and tapping your necklace twice, watching as the stars all got sucked back into the dark orb. “There’s only a week left until break ends.”

You let a pout fall onto your face, not wanting to go back to classes and the bombardment of students. You just wanted to spend all the time you could with Changbin before you were forced to sit at different tables and only see each other at certain times. 

“Okay. I guess we should.” You agreed, however, knowing that although you were the Ravenclaw, Changbin sounded much more logical at that moment.

Your head stayed on Changbin’s shoulder as you walked back to your Common Room, your hand still grasped tightly in his. Occasionally you leaned just a little bit closer, pecking the corner of his mouth or his cheek or his neck, whatever you could reach. When you did that, Changbin would turn his head towards you, letting you land a kiss on where you wanted to land one the most, his lips.

“Oh look at them!” One of the pictures whispered as you walked by, and you watched as they all followed your movements, soft whispers being exchanged. You ignored them, just wanting to stay with your hand in Changbin’s and his warmth surrounding you.

As soon as you arrived at your Common Room you pulled apart, though Changbin’s hands just wandered to your waist as you solved the riddle, listening to the click of the lock opening for you. When you turned around Changbin’s lips were on yours, a soft hum coming from his throat. You were content with just staying like that, but paintings eventually gossiped, and you definitely didn’t want the professors finding out what you were up to during break.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” The hands on your waist were distracting, but you kept thinking that the faster you went to sleep the quicker you could see him in the morning again.

“Yeah, tomorrow.” Changbin confirmed, not making any move to leave. His hands stayed in place, fingers tapping lightly. “Hey, Y/N?” After a few moments of silence he called your name, stepping a little bit closer to you and the warmth started to intensify. When you made a noise in response, you saw his eyes flick to your lips. “Can I kiss you again?”

“Of course, Binnie. You don’t have to ask.” Chucking you walked up in front of him, waiting for him to lean in and give you what you knew you both wanted, but he didn’t. You opened your eyes, shooting him a confused look, eyebrows raised when you saw his mouth gaped open. “Are you okay?”

His cheeks lit up almost red and you found it cute that he was still shy. “You, uh, you called me Binnie.” A small smile appeared on his face, nose scrunched up slightly and before you could ask any other questions, like if it was okay that you called him that, he continued. “I mean, I like it, that nickname. It’s cute.” He elaborated, quickly leaning forward and landing a kiss on your awaiting lips. It was quick, quicker than you had wanted it to be but it was already dark and you knew how bad you got when you didn’t get enough sleep, so you relented.

“Well, you’re cute.” You laughed when Changbin rolled his eyes, turning around and proceeding to start to walk away.

He didn’t get far though before he turned back to you, “Good night, baby.”

Then it was your turn for your face to heat up, a soft, “good night” following him as he walked away. You waited until he was fully gone to shut the door, a small squeal leaving you. Jumping up and down you ran to your room, launching yourself onto the bed and burying yourself beneath the covers.

“Oh my god that actually happened.” You whispered to yourself after getting comfortable in bed. The comforter was enough to keep you warm from the winter outside, but you noticed nothing could compare to the warmth that covered you from head to toe when you were near Changbin.

As sleep took over, a smile fell on your face when you thought about Changbin and his messy hair and soft lips and dorky demeanor and how you couldn’t believe that he actually felt the same.

viii.

The next few days were filled with what you normally did: studying. Unlike the other times, however, you were much more cuddly with Changbin. Laying on one of the couches in the library, you would curl into a ball on his lap, the book open as you lazily read aloud. Changbin’s hand never left your back, fingers massaging your muscles, the occasional kiss being pressed to your forehead or cheek.

It was the last day of break. Tomorrow everyone would file in, the noise overwhelmingly different to the silence as you walked through the halls. It was bittersweet, you wanted your friends to come back and classes to start again, but after having been by Changbin’s side for almost the whole break, you didn’t want to go back.

You met Changbin in the Great Hall, smiling when you saw your chair moved again to be right next to his. The Christmas tree was still up, though you knew it would start to get taken down later that day. The fairies looked down at you two with a glint in their eyes. 

“Good morning, Binnie.” Sliding into the chair, you looked over at Changbin. His hair was still messy from sleep, cheeks just the slightest bit pink from where it had been pressed into the pillow. He gave you a sleepy grin, puckering his lips and waiting for you to catch on. You leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. A loud squeal came from the tree, the fairies whispering in an annoyingly shrill almost silent voice.

“Morning, baby.” Changbin responded, fingers playing with the edge of your scarf, noticing that it was still the yellow one that he had given you the first day you met. “Have I told you how much I like seeing you wear this?”

“No, but at least I know now.” Although the scarf covered the chain of your necklace, you could still see the glint of the dark orb resting right underneath the yellow fabric. You could still smell his distinct odor of cinnamon and pine needles, a scent that you had come to associate with the warmth that spread through you, but it was fading. “You’re going to have to take it back soon.” You said as your plate of breakfast waited in front of you.

Changbin was already eating, his cheeks full of pancakes and he turned to you, mouth almost dropped open and food almost spilling out. He took a moment to chew and swallow before frowning. “Why?”

“It’s starting to not smell like you anymore.” You said nonchalantly, picking apart your pancake and beginning to eat. A soft chuckle came from next to you, and before you could turn your head to question why he laughed, his lips connected with your cheek.

“You’re cute, baby.” Was all he said, going back to eating and you eventually followed, a smile and shake of your head preceding it.

After you had finished eating, you found yourself in the same place as the previous few days, strolling back into the library, one of your hands gripped tightly in Changbin’s and the other holding onto a History book that you found stuffed in one of your drawers. How it got there, you would never know, but you knew when you were done skimming it and eventually snapping it shut when you got tired of the boring history terms that it would go right back to where you found it. 

You set the book on the table, letting go of Changbin’s hand and walking down the aisles in search of another book, one that had been recommended by the Divination teacher to help with her class. Having been in the library almost every day for the last three weeks, you knew where more things were, but this one you couldn’t get your hands on. Surely it was there, your teacher wouldn’t recommend it if she knew it wasn’t.

Your search was interrupted by a pair of arms wrapping around you, warm breath making you shiver. “Hey.” Changbin said simply, pulling you back into him. “It’s cold without you.” You could feel the pout through his voice, and you turned around in his embrace.

“I was just looking for this Divination book, but I can’t find it. I think it disappeared.” You looked up the aisle, trying to remember where it could be but coming up blank.

“The OWL for Divination is easy, all you have to do is look in the bottom of a cup and tell her what you see.” Changbin explained, and he wasn’t wrong, your teacher did say there was no wrong answers, so surely everyone would pass, but you couldn’t help to feel like somehow you would see something wrong or that by some sort of cruel stroke of misfortune she would fail you. 

“Besides, you’re too smart to worry about failing, you’ll probably get the top score in everything.” Changbin closed the small distance between you, his lips connecting with your forehead. In turn, you closed your eyes, smiling at the feeling of his thumbs pressing small circles into your back and cool breath fanning over your face. “If anything,” he started as he pulled away, “I need you to tutor me.” 

“I guess I can do that.” You wriggled out of Changbin’s grasp, walking back to the couch and grabbing the book you had set there earlier. Changbin closely followed, sitting on the couch and holding out his arms for you to fit into. 

You sat with your back resting on the arm of the couch, Changbin’s legs comfortably underneath you and his arms snaked around you. The book sat on your legs, one of his hands coming to play with the pages when he saw fit. Instead of exchanging any other words, you started reading a chapter, trying not to let your face heat up when you looked up to see Changbin’s eyes trained on you. 

It wasn’t like he had much else to look at, it was just snow and trees outside and the endless rows of books inside, but it was more of the look he had rather than the fact that he was looking at you. A soft grin stretched his lips, tilting up at one side. His eyes shifted from your eyes to your necklace - that you had yet to take off - and eventually settling on your lips. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” You asked quietly, watching as his cheeks began to gain a bit more color to them. 

“You’re just really pretty.” He shrugged, eyes falling down to the book in your lap. Instead of trying to read sideways, he resorted to tracing the lines of the map at the top of the page.

“I think you’re pretty too, Binnie.” Your lips found his nose, chuckling when his face turned into a deeper red. “But we really should try and get some studying in, there’s only one more day left of break.”

His face morphed into a deep frown, eyebrows tugging into the center of his face. You knew what he was thinking, and you mirrored the same sentiment. After everyone came back you would be forced to sit at your house tables, looking at each other across the Great Hall and wishing you were able to slide in the seat next to him. Reading his mind, you raised your hand up to his cheek, your thumb tracing his cheekbone. His skin was still warm underneath your fingers.

“I don’t want break to end.” Changbin’s frown turned into a pout, head tilting forward to rest on your shoulder.

“I don’t either but it’s not like we won’t ever see each other again.” Your hand moved from his cheek to his hair, smoothing down strands that had stuck up into the air. 

“I know.” He sat back up, the pout still deeply etched onto his face. “I’m gonna miss just us being here, though. We’ve only had a week alone to be cute and coupley.” You laughed at that, and his pout only stuck out more. “It’s not funny.” He dragged out the last syllable.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You’re just cute.” You countered, looking back down at the book in your lap. “We’ll still be able to be ‘cute’ and ‘coupley’, don’t worry. I think we should get back to studying though, how about we have a quiz?” You suggested, flicking through the book until you got to a section you had read to him before. 

So you read a section out loud again, watching out of the corner of your eye as Changbin looked up at the air, mouthing what you could only assume was dates and names to try and remember them. As soon as you finished the passage you turned your attention to Changbin, finding him still peering into the ceiling.

“What happened to the classes at Hogwarts in 1965?” You asked, knowing that you just went through it.

Changbin thought for a moment, his fingers drumming on your waist in an attempt to come up with an answer. “Oh!” His eyes lit up, a smile on his face as he turned to you. “The roof fell through from the heavy snowfall and so classes were canceled for a while to fix it.” 

You nodded, leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to his lips, his reward for getting the question right. You continued on with your questioning, rewarding him with a kiss every time he got one right. 

Eventually he began to drift off, his head bobbing up and down as he tried to think of an answer but instead was met with a soft tap to the forehead and you telling him to “wake up”. It wasn’t until the fourth time of falling asleep and being woken up by you that he gave up.

“Fuck it.” He said, tapping your back in a signal for you to get off his lap for just a moment. Changbin turned so his head was resting against the arm of the couch, grabbing a pillow and pulling it so it cushioned his head. Falling back, he nestled into the couch with a sigh. Before his eyes closed fully, however, his arms raised, hands making a grabby motion and you knew you weren’t going to convince him to study anymore so you relented.

Setting the book on the table, you walked forward and squeaked when Changbin’s hands immediately grabbed your waist, pulling you down quickly. A grunt was released when your head hit his chest, the sound of his heartbeat the only thing you could hear besides your breath. He was comfortable, just the right amount of hard muscle and plush skin and you melted into his embrace. 

“Let’s just take a nap.” Changbin suggested from above you, his chin resting on the top of your head, although it was more of a statement than a suggestion. His voice vibrated through his body and you could feel instead of hear his voice.

You didn’t reply, instead opting for snuggling closer into him, the edges of your robe draping over you and creating a makeshift blanket. Though you didn’t need much else to warm you, as Changbin’s body heat was enough to make you feel warmth from your head to feet. His hands settled on your back, thumbs massaging your tense muscles gently. The pressure seemed to let off eventually, and you looked up to see he was fast asleep, mouth slightly open and eyes closed. You weren’t sure how long you had laid there, but it wasn’t long until you were following Changbin into dreamland.

“Baby.” You were awoken by Changbin’s voice in your ear, his hands going back to their normal place of tracing shapes on your back. His heartbeat beneath your ear was soniferous, causing your eyes to stay closed and for you to almost fall back into slumber. That was, until he said your name a little louder, his hands shaking your body that was lying fully on top of his. “Y/N, it’s time to get up, baby.”

“Don’t wanna.” Your voice was distorted due to your cheek being pressed into the junction between his neck and shoulder. During your sleep you nuzzled even closer to Changbin, your nose pressed against his neck and lips close to his collarbone. You pressed a quick kiss there, a lazy smile floating up when the boy below you squirmed. “You’re comfy.” Going back to your previous position, you tried to ignore all other tries to get you to wake up, only wanting to be cuddled closer and to fall back asleep.

“It’s nighttime and although there isn’t anybody here, I’m sure some of the ghosts will do patrols.” Changbin spoke softly, “And I don’t want us to get in trouble the first day after break.”

Although you really couldn’t have cared less about the ghosts, they rarely walked through the library anyways, some citing memories from their deaths in the history books and others just not bothering because who would be in the library this late, you lifted your head. You were met with pink cheeks, hooded eyelids and a seemingly drunken smile.

“Did you just wake up too?” Your voice came out more stable that time, yet you still felt the small hands of the sandman trying to tempt you again. When Changbin nodded you stayed silent, just admiring the boy laid out in front of you. One of your hands rested on his chest to keep you upright and you pushed yourself forward to kiss both of his cheeks. 

“We should head back to our dorms, I don’t wanna get caught, especially not by the Fat Friar or the Grey Lady.” Changbin moved his hands from your back to your waist, helping you in sitting up on the couch. He, in turn, tucked his legs under you and stood up. “I’ll help you back if you want?”

Sleep sounded nice, but sleeping while also cuddled into Changbin sounded even better. So you shook your head, hand sliding down Changbin’s arm to find his hand, not needing vision to fit your fingers together perfectly. “No,” You stood up, squeezing his hand slightly. “I want to stay with you.”

Changbin’s cheeks bloomed red again, a shy smile and quick ruffle of his hair coming and going before he looked back up to you. “Okay, okay. Do you want to sleep in my Common Room or yours?” The fact that he was willing to risk getting in trouble for you had your heart clenching.

“I’ve always wanted to see what the Hufflepuff Common Room looked like.” You said with a smile, almost jumping for joy when he began walking in the direction of his Common Room.

You swung your connected hands between you, an excited skip in your step knowing that you wouldn’t have to cocoon yourself in your blanket to keep warm. The thought came though, that you wouldn’t be able to do that when break ended, and a frown etched itself into your face. The frown stayed there until you got to the door to the Common Room, when your lips straightened into a line.

Changbin looked over at you, hand immediately finding some switch behind a barrel that sat next to the door. You knew there was some sort of code or button or something to get into the room, Seungmin had told you a story of his first time trying to find it, but you didn’t know it was there. A smile was quickly flashed to him as you tried to not let him know what you were thinking.

As soon as the door opened, however, you forgot everything you had been thinking about, a loud gasp leaving your lips. 

You hadn’t ever seen the Hufflepuff Common Room, just getting a picture in your head from what Seungmin had described it as, but wow, did it look way better than anything Seungmin could have said. 

It had a low ceiling made of what looked like oak wood, with a simple chandelier hanging directly in the middle. The light from said chandelier reached every nook and cranny in the room, making everything bright and giving you a rush of energy. You understood why Hufflepuffs always seemed to be smiling. Scattered throughout the room were comfy looking chairs and couches, though there was a small circle of furniture around the fireplace, which was always slowly burning. 

The whole room was shrouded in a light yellow color, from the rounded walls to the fabric of the furniture. A soft orange spilled from the fireplace area, and you were immediately drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. 

“Woah.” You were still observing everything around you as Changbin led you to one of the couches by the fire. Small potted plants sat on tables along with small stacks of books. It was unusual that they had plants in the Common Room but weren’t allowed any in their private rooms, and you were glad you got Changbin the plant globe so he could have them by his bedside.

“It’s not much, but it’s comfy.” Changbin shrugged, sitting down in the middle of the muted yellow couch, pulling you down so you sat on his lap.

“What do you mean?” You continued looking around, seeing the thick layer of snow outside the windows. “It’s so relaxing to sit in here, I could fall asleep right away.”

“Well let’s do that then.” The hand that was clasped in yours let go, moving you so you laid in the same position as in the library. The couch you were laying on was much larger than the previous one, with much softer looking pillows. Not that you needed a pillow, you had Changbin who was like your own personal firm but soft pillow.

After a little bit of moving you settled with your nose pressed back into the column of Changbin’s neck, one of your hands sitting on his chest. As you laid there, you traced small shapes into his skin, chuckling when he started to shake. “I’m ticklish.” He had stated as an excuse, but you continued the small touches, only scaling back slightly because the feeling of his muscles under his shirt was comforting, more so than the color of the room or the lighting hitting the walls.

“Goodnight, baby.” was the last thing you heard before you let yourself fall into sleep once again.

viiii.

You woke up to the sounds of furniture being moved. It was extremely loud, echoing through the soon to be full hallways and traveling out into the snow. Instead of jumping up and exploring the noise, you settled in Changbin’s arms, not wanting to get up and face the reality of the day.

His hands were loosely resting on your hips, no longer adding pressure or drawing invisible pictures. You could feel his chest raising and lowering with each deep breath he took. When you lifted your head up you noticed the same pink tint to his cheeks and you kissed each of them, trying hard not to wake him up just yet. 

The noise continued on, and you decided to get up, your eyes already ridding themselves of the Sandman’s dust and your mind already ready to start the day that you had been dreading since the beginning of break: the end of break. 

You slowly lifted yourself off of Changbin, putting your hands on either side of his waist and swinging your feet to the floor. Luckily the carpet swallowed most of the noise of your footsteps as you walked out of the room. You thought about what would happen when Changbin woke up and you weren’t there, but you also knew that he would know where to find you.

The walk to the Great Hall seemed longer than any other time you’ve had to do it, and you looked on at the paintings, some of them not in their frames and others posed perfectly in anticipation for everyone coming back to the castle. Once you got to the hard stone of the hallway floors, your footsteps echoed underneath the ongoing noise. It came to a crescendo when you reached the doors to the Great Hall, finding what you expected.

The giant Christmas tree that once stood in the middle of the room was gone, the fairies that once danced on its branches stood on the lanterns hanging from the ceiling. They held their hands up like puppet masters, and you realized they were the ones moving the long tables back into the Hall. Everything was being turned back into normal, and while you were happy to go back to the routine, you also knew you would miss being one of the only people in the castle. 

“You scared me.” A voice came from beside you, but you weren’t shocked, only a nod coming as a response. Changbin stood beside you, his arm snaking around your waist and pulling you into him. “It seems like just yesterday I saw you eating with your friends and now here we are.” His eyes never left the moving tables, but yours trailed to his face. Had he known of you for that long?

Before you could ask, however, Changbin smiled. “I’ve had a crush on you for a while.” He shrugged, looking at you. The noise had calmed down, but he still leaned closer as if he was trying to talk over it. “I just never thought you would know who I was, so I kinda gave up.”

The scraping of the tables on the wood floor stopped, and you looked to see everything settled into place, just as it was before. You walked towards the Ravenclaw table, feeling Changbin’s presence next to you as you sat down.

“Well here we are now.” You said simply, leaning your head on your hand and peering sideways at Changbin. 

“Yep, here we are now.” Changbin stared at the Hufflepuff table in front of him. “So,” he started, not switching his focus from the table. “Are you okay if my friends know about us? You don’t have to meet them right away, they tend to come pretty late back from break anyways.”

The statement was kind of obvious, you noted. There was no reason for you to hide your relationship, if anything, your friends would be ecstatic to see you had met, and gotten very acquainted with, Changbin. Especially Jisung. Okay, maybe Jisung could be in the dark for a little bit. You weren’t ready to say he was right.

“Of course, I don’t think there’s any reason to hide it, do you?” The hand on your waist squeezed softly, almost in reassurance. “As long as you’re okay with my friends knowing? I mean, one of them is a Hufflepuff, you might know him, and the other two are very,” You paused, trying to find the right word to describe Luna and Jisung, “interesting.” 

“Of course, I want them to know about us. My friends are all Gryffindors, three of them. One was my lab partner in Potions, he’s two years younger than me, and then another one is a year younger and the other is a year older.” Changbin counted off his friends, not giving much detail except what year they were in.

“That’s an interesting combination.” You chuckled, trying to think of any Gryffindors you knew of. Having nothing come to mind, you gave up, knowing you would see them soon. “There’s not much more time left until everyone arrives.” There was a sad note to your voice.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Changbin smiled as he asked it, his full face now on display as he turned his body to face yours. Instead of responding, you just leaned forward, connecting your lips and letting them rest there for a moment. Changbin was taken aback, a soft, “okay” mumbled against your lips before he kissed back. The hand that wasn’t on your waist was cupping your cheek, while your two hands rested on his shoulders, thumbs pressing into his collarbones. 

Your lips moved together in sync for who knows how long. Time didn’t matter when you were near Changbin, all that mattered was that he was there and that hopefully he would be there for a long time. You lost yourself in him, only focusing on the soft cotton of his robe underneath your fingers, the smooth glide of his lips on yours, and the way your skin heated up where he was touching you. 

The sound of a train horn made you pull away, your face hot and you were sure you mimicked Changbin’s red cheeks. You smiled at him, letting your fingers trail to the back of his neck and play with the short hairs at the nape. Landing one last kiss on the tip of his nose, you turned to the door, watching as some students already started piling in and sitting at their house table. 

You heard Jisung before you even saw him, his loud voice talking about something you couldn’t quite distinguish, but you knew it was him. Then you saw his hair, now a light blond, walking along with blue hair, Luna. Standing up, you grabbed Changbin’s hand, giving it a light squeeze and preparing yourself for the bombardment of hugs and questions you would get.

“Y/N!” The loud scream came from Jisung, startling the still small amount of students in the Hall. He came running up to you, causing you to let go of Changbin’s hand and use both of yours to brace yourself for the body crashing into you. 

It doesn’t mean you were ready for the body crashing into you, though. Almost falling over, you wrapped your arms around Jisung, a large smile making your cheeks hurt. There weren’t any words being exchanged, except for nearly silent “hello”s as Luna also came up behind Jisung and joined in on the hug. 

When Jisung pulled away, his eyes trailed from your face to Changbin standing next to you, his hand hovering over the small of your back. You said nothing, letting Jisung put the pieces together. You knew he figured it out when his mouth hung open.

“So now I know what you were doing instead of reading my owl messages and replying to me!” Jisung held your shoulders, shaking you slightly. “And I told you so!” He said the last part a bit louder, and you felt your face heat up. 

“Yeah, yeah, sure. You said something.” You rolled your eyes.

“I said a lot of stuff, all of which seemed to be correct by the looks of things.” Jisung stared down at Changbin’s hand on your back before following the hand to find it’s owner staring at him, a small smile on his face. “Oh, sorry I’m rude. I know you but you probably don’t know me, I’m Jisung, Y/N’s best friend and I was right about you two.”

“I’m Luna!” Luna said from behind Jisung, her hands holding her cage with her pet owl. 

“Nice to meet you guys. And you were right about what?” Changbin asked Jisung, and you whipped around to him, trying to tell him to not ask about anything Jisung said, but it was already too late.

“I found out you were staying behind along with our lovely friend here, and me, being the amazing lovebird I am, said she should have some fun instead of just spending it all studying.” Jisung explained, clapping at himself and you shook your head laughing. Luna came up behind Jisung, nodding along to everything he said.

“I think the only reason why we’re dating is because you weren’t here to be my wingman anymore.” You jabbed his side with your elbow. “Can we sit down? You guys look tired from the train ride.”

Jisung and Luna nodded, turning around to walk to the other side of the table. While they did that you turned to Changbin, face heating up when you saw he was smiling at you. “You talked about me before we met?”

“Don’t get so flattered, Jisung was exaggerating just a little bit.” You pouted, sitting down and leaning into his side.

“Even if he was exaggerating, I think it’s cute.” Changbin commented, kissing your temple and watching Jisung and Luna weave through students, now followed by Seungmin with very messy hair and an annoyed look on his face. “We can meet my friends later if you want.”

“Sure, that sounds good.” Your head stayed on Changbin’s shoulder as your friends finally sat in front of you. No one said anything at first, but the expressions on their faces told all. Jisung, of course, had a very I told you so face on, one eyebrow raised and a smirk playing on his lips. Luna was looking between you and Changbin and smiling, while Seungmin’s mouth hung open at the sight of the boy sitting next to you. “What happened to you?” You questioned Seungmin, watching as his face turned from one of surprise to one of annoyance.

“My sister’s cat decided to fall asleep on my head and then my alarm didn’t go off so I didn’t have time to fix my messed up hair before I had to catch the train.” Seungmin shook his head, trying desperately with his hands to smooth down his hair before giving up with a huff.

“Just use a spell.” Luna shrugged, running a hand through her blue hair. As she did so, the colors seemed to change slightly, and you realized she must have used a new magic dye to turn her hair even more colors under different lights. 

“It’s okay, we don’t go back to classes until tomorrow so I can just take a shower when I get back to the Common Room.” Seungmin shrugged, waiting a moment before directing his attention to Changbin. “So, I’m assuming you two are a thing?”

Changbin just nodded, the arm around your waist tightening while you just scooted closer to him. “Yeah, she couldn’t resist my Hufflepuff charms.” Your arm came around to lightly smack his stomach, all of your friends laughing as you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah I couldn’t resist the plant nerd.” You patted his stomach where you hit him just seconds earlier. All your friends laughed again, and you felt a soft vibration of Changbin chuckling as well. You were so glad your friends liked him and got along with him, and you were glad that you had decided to give him a chance.

You looked up at Changbin, finding his nose scrunched up in a fake pout and you gave him a quick peck on the cheek to try and satiate him. When you pulled away you saw Jisung push his palms into his cheeks, a loud “awe” sounding throughout the room as he looked between you. Although your cheeks lit up, you stuck your tongue out at Jisung. “You’re just mad I didn’t need you as my wingman.”

“If I was your wingman you two would have been together for a year by now.” Jisung dodged your hand coming across the table, holding his hands up in fake defeat. “Well you are very cute together, like I said before break but of course some people just don’t appreciate genius.” He shook his head, looking down at his hands and then leaning back to pet his owl in its cage. 

You decided not to argue anymore, instead just listening to your friends tell their stories of Christmas spent with family. Changbin’s hand stayed firmly on your waist, his cheek resting on your shoulder. Sometimes he would interject with a statement or a joke and you smiled at how perfect he fit into the group. 

The warmth that you noticed at the beginning of the break when you first saw Changbin was still there, but instead of a burning heat it was a comforting warmth that filled your whole body to the tips of your fingers and toes. It was like you didn’t have to worry about being cold ever again when Changbin was around, even if you weren’t touching him, just him looking at you made you begin to heat up. 

You could have almost fallen asleep there at the table with your head resting on your hand, but you fought against it, trying to stay active in the conversation while also enjoying just being close to him until you had to eventually separate and go to your own Common Rooms.

You knew when you got back to your Common Room that Jisung and Luna would bombard you with questions, and you were happy to answer them. Through the break you had the best time ever, and you were going to have to thank Jisung for telling you that you should have fun, because that’s exactly what you did, and in the process you found someone that made you feel a comfortable warmth that you couldn’t describe but you loved. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Changbin whispered in your ear while Jisung and Seungmin argued over some sort of history fact.

Looking up at him, you smiled, fighting the urge to press your lips to his again and again. Instead, a simple answer came to mind, and you spoke just as softly as he did, not wanting anyone else to hear. It was what you were thinking about since you met Changbin, and every day since then. It was what you thought in the morning and at night and every second in between. It was a simple answer, but you knew it would get the message across.

“You.”

[kaimelia]

Alive

“What do we have?” Teddy asked, running out into the trauma bay to meet Jo.

“Car accident.” The ambulance pulled up, stopping and opening the back doors.

“38-year-old male, hit on the driver’s side. Passed out at the scene and regained consciousness a minute ago with the loss of verbal skills. Pulse has been steady.” The paramedic lowered the stretcher down.

“Oh my god. Teddy, it’s Link.” Jo stepped away. “I shouldn’t work on him. He-he’s family to me.” The blonde nodded, grabbing the side of the stretcher and pushing it inside.

“Okay, let’s page Koracick and Bailey.” Teddy looked down into Link’s eyes, his breathing heavy. She grabbed his hand. “We’ve got you, Link. It’s going to be okay.” He nodded quickly at her, watching as the familiar surroundings of the E.R. passed by him. “I’m going to put in an IV, okay?” Tom walked through the doors to the trauma room, clearly shocked by the man on the bed in front of him.

“Has anyone told Amelia?” Teddy shook her head.

“No, we’ll tell her when we know what’s going on.” Tom nodded, moving closer to Link.

“Okay. Follow my finger, good. Can you move your hands? Feet?” He sighed in relief as the ortho surgeon wiggled his fingers and toes, nodding slowly. “Good. I need a head CT. Get it once Bailey checks him and page me.” Teddy moved towards Link again, grabbing his hand to stop it from shaking.

“Bailey will be here in a second. I know it’s scary, not being able to talk, but you’ve got the best here. You’re going to be just fine.”

——————————

“There’s no way,” Amelia sighed, crossing her arms against her chest. “There’s literally no way.” Meredith rolled her eyes at her sister.

“Then take the test!” The door to the lounge opened as Maggie entered the room.

“What’s going on in here?”

“Amelia’s pregnant. She doesn’t want to admit it though.” Maggie sat down at the table in the middle of the room.

“I’m not pregnant.”

“Amelia, your boobs are big. You were sick yesterday, and I’m sure you and Link are having plenty of sex, enough sex to get you pregnant again.” Meredith held out the box. “Just take the damn test.” The brunette groaned, taking it and walking into the bathroom attached to the lounge. Maggie turned to face Meredith.

“Why are we forcing Amelia to take a pregnancy test?”

“Oh, well she has symptoms. And Link was talking to me during surgery about how he wants another kid, and I guess that was on my mind.” Meredith shrugged. The bathroom door opened, Amelia walking out with the stick in her hand.

“Okay, let’s wait.” The brunette sat down at the table, eyeing her sisters. “Why are you so stuck on this, Mer?”

“Well my life has gotten pretty boring, so I’m living vicariously through you. Plus Scout’s like the cutest baby ever, and I think you should have another.” Meredith drank some of her coffee before setting it back onto the table. “When was the last time you had your period, Amelia.”

“I don’t know. It’s been irregular since Scout was born, I haven’t been paying attention to that.”

“I think the fact that you don’t know means you haven’t gotten it in a while, enough time for you to be pregnant again.”

“We haven’t even talked about it, I don’t know if Link wants another kid.” Amelia kicked her feet up onto the table and relaxed back into the chair.

“He does. We were talking about it yesterday in surgery.” The neurosurgeon’s eyes widened at her sister.

“Well, what did he say?” Meredith shrugged.

“I was asking if you were having another kid because the surgery was getting boring, and he said he wanted another sometime. Then we started talking about Ellis because she wants a younger sibling, but there’s no way that’s happening.” Meredith said, nonchalantly. Maggie laughed. “What about you, Maggie? Are you and Winston ever going to have kids?”

“Woah, we’re just dating. Besides, I don’t think I could handle children of my own. I wouldn’t be able to work as much.” Maggie took a sip of her coffee.

“So you’ll just continue to steal our children,” Amelia interjected, checking her phone.

“Exactly.” The timer on Amelia’s phone went off. She picked up the test on the table in front of her and stared at it.

“Holy shit.” She looked between her sisters. “I’m pregnant.”

———————————

“He’s got an epidural bleed. I need to get in there now.” Bailey nodded at her fellow surgeon, grabbing the tablet from the desk in the scan room.

“I’ll fix the splenic bleed at the same time.” She opened the tablet, inputting information into his chart. “Someone needs to tell Shepherd.”

“I’ll do it,” Teddy said, moving to walk through the door. “Do you need me in the OR after?”

“We should be fine, I’ll page you if we need you.” Teddy left, running down the hallway and searching in rooms for Amelia. She opened the door to the attendings’ lounge, spotting Amelia sitting at the table with her sisters.

“Amelia! Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“What is it?” Her voice was full of joy, something that Teddy knew would fade the second she told Amelia what was happening. She tilted her head to the side and offered a sympathetic smile.

“It’s Link. He was in an accident.” Amelia sat up, her mouth wide open.

“What? What happened?!”

“He got hit on the driver’s side. He’s got an epidural bleed and his spleen is bleeding, but Koracick and Bailey are taking him to surgery right now.”

“I need to go, I need to go see him.” Meredith placed a hand on Amelia’s arm.

“Amelia, there’s nothing you can do except wait. You won’t do any good in the gallery.” Amelia bit her lip, her chin quivering.

“Meredith, he could die. And that can’t happen, I can’t lose him. I can’t.” She took a deep breath, running her hands through her short hair. “If Link dies, I won’t be able to handle it.”

“I’m going to head up to the OR to see if they need me. I’ll keep you updated, Amelia.” The brunette nodded as Teddy left, Amelia’s hand covering her mouth as she squeezed her eyes shut. Maggie stood up and walked behind her sister, wrapping her arms around Amelia and hugging her from behind.

“It’s going to be okay, Amelia. We’ll stay here with you,” she whispered into Amelia’s ear. Meredith nodded in agreeance, holding Amelia’s hand as she began to cry.

“Can you-can you go get Scout? I need to hold him and hug him.” Meredith stood up to leave the room, whispering that she’d return soon after. “Maggie, I can’t lose him.”

“I know Amelia, I know.”

————————————

After hours of sitting in silence, Amelia cradling her son and thinking about the worst possible things that could be occurring, Teddy came into the lounge. “He’s okay. He started crashing, but we got him back. You can see him soon.” Amelia smiled widely, covering her mouth with her hand and pulling her son closer to her.

“Thank you,” she whispered, looking up at Teddy. “Thank you.” Teddy smiled at her, rubbing her shoulder before leaving. Amelia looked at her sisters. “He’s okay, he’s really okay.” They grinned at her, wrapping her and Scout in hugs.

————————————

Amelia was sat by Link’s bedside, holding his hand as if her life depended on it. Her eyes drifted between his face and the heart monitor he was attached to, as if at any moment it could just cut out and she would lose him. “Link,” she whispered, “you have to wake up. I need you. Scout needs his Dad and we’re gonna have another baby, and that baby needs their Dad. Link, I can’t live without you. You need to wake up.” She wiped a tear away from her face and placed her hand back on top of his. “Please wake up. I love you, you need to wake up. This is not how we end, we have so much more to do, together. I don’t think I can do this without you.” She felt motion under her hand, her eyes brightening as she looked up, seeing his eyes flutter and open slowly. “Oh, Link.” She stood up next to the bed, placing a hand on his cheek.

“Hey,” he whispered, his voice weak.

“Hi. How are you feeling?” He smiled slowly, wincing at the pain he was in.

“Tired. My head hurts.” Amelia sniffled, rubbing her finger up and down his cheek. “What happened?”

“You were in a car accident. Drunk driver. You had a brain bleed and a splenic bleed, but Bailey and Tom operated, and you’re okay now.” She smiled down at him.

“I’m sorry I scared you.”

“You’re alive, and that’s what matters.” She sat down on the side of the bed, hanging her legs off the side and locking her hand in his.

“Where’s Scout?”

“He’s with Maggie, he’s okay.” Link nodded. “When I found out you were in an accident, I was about to find you to tell you something.” He raised his eyebrows at her. “I found out I’m pregnant.” His eyes widened slightly, a smile slowly appearing on his face.

“Really?” She laughed at his tired excitement.

“Yeah, we’re gonna have another baby.” Link grinned toothily, holding his arms out to her.

“Come here.” She laid down slowly, carefully adjusting the wires attached to him before snuggling into his arms.

“Thank you for not dying.” He kissed the top of her head and pulled her against his body.

“I love you, Amelia.”

“I love you.” She laid there for a few minutes, listening to his breathing settle as he fell back asleep, the exhaustion in his body taking over. Amelia finally allowed herself to relax and fall asleep in his arms, content knowing that the love of her life was perfectly alive and okay.

——————————————————————————

Hi everyone! I hoped you enjoyed this :) Make sure to comment and like, and let me know if you have any requests!

[imgoingtohellsofuckit]

Cocky Hero pt 5

Hawks x Reader

Warnings - none read the previous parts tho

Summary - Time for the date with Hawks

part one   part two   part three  part four 

After your normal Thursday cooking class you went home. Heading to bed without spare anything a second thought. Your life felt like it was normal for a second there. You woke up to a couple texts from your coworkers but not Hawks. And it didn't even cross your mind until you got to work and realized he had been silent since last night.

"He's probably still asleep," You day softly, "I'm sure he's fine."

"Who's fine?" Impression asks.

"Oh just talking to myself," You say.

"Right," he says, "so a bunch of us are going out tonight. Wanna join us?"

"I'm actually going on a date tonight," You tell him. He looks at you curiously.

"Who?"

"Uh just a friend," you tell him, "it's nothing serious. Honestly I think it's just to get me in their bed."

"Right," He says, "okay well then. That's exciting for you I guess."

"Only a little bit," You chuckle, "hey listen I've got a bunch of reports to work on. So if we can continue this later."

"Of course," he says, "okay well I'll let you get back to it."

He moves off to his desk. You sit down and pull your phone from your purse only to see Hawks still hasn't texted you back.

"Weird," You say. You decide it's best to leave it alone. Maybe he's busy. No need to make it into a big deal. So you decide to get to work.

Hawks was busy. But not with any hero work like he should be. Instead his focus was on the date. Planning a dinner to butter you up, then a nice park stroll, then finish it off with a kiss- nothing more. Just to keep you holding on. He was going to win. And this date was a key part of taking back his lead.

He might be amused with the preparations but the poor assistants at his agency were not as amused with the situation.

"Hawks you can't work your assistants to death for something that isn't agency related," Mirko says slightly amused to see her friend working so hard for a date.

"I'm about to lose," Hawks says, "and you know what I never do. Lose."

"You never lose?" She asks, "I beat you at chess a week ago-"

"I never lose when it matters," He corrects, "and this game matters."

"Are you talking about that stupid thing with Y/n?" She asks, "is this what this is all about?"

"She has to fall in love with me," Hawks says, "or I lose."

"Why do you care so much?" She asks him, "it's a girl. Not Like it's anything important."

"Winning is important," Hawks says simply.

"Whatever," Mirko says, "honestly I'm just surprised you haven't gotten bored of her yet."

"Bored? Of her?" He asks, "you don't know her then. Seriously she's one of the most interesting people I know. I mean she isn't as interesting as me but- she's up there."

"Oh?" Mirko says.

"Yeah she's really cool she takes cooking classes and did you know she used to write about how the negatives in hero society so she's not just some fangirl," He says, "she's calm and she doesn't treat me like a god because I'm number 2."

"Oh so you're in love with her?" Mirko teases.

"No no I'm not in love with her," Hawks says at once, "she and I are friends. Simple as that."

"Friends who hook up all the time?" She says smirking, "admit it you're love sick." Hawks rolls his eyes at once. Not wanting to feed into the idea. He simple turns back to set everything up. She picks up the flowers. "Daisies?"

"Yeah," Hawks says.

"Aren't roses a little more romantic?" Mirko asks.

"Yeah but trust me daisies are better," Hawks says, "don't you have something better to do then bother me at my own agency?"

"Yeah okay whatever."

So she leaves and he returns to preparations. He can't remember the last time he tried this hard for a date or if he's ever tried this hard for a date.

Hawks- You better be ready for tonight                A date with Hawks is guaranteed to get you to fall for me

Y/n - yeah?           I highly doubt it           I'm excited for the free food

Hawks -    -_-

Y/n - I'm kidding           Kinda

Hawks - Wanna meet there?              Or I can pick you up

Y/n - I'll meet you there

           Can't have the public knowing

Hawks - true

Y/n - ive got to get back and finish this stuff so I can leave on time. I'll see you later. xx

Hawks - I'll see you then beautiful

He smiles down at his phone. She's going to love this date. She's going to totally fall for him and he's going to win the game.

As your work day ends you rush home to get ready. You go through the works. The long shower, shaving everything. The classic pre date routine. Once out of the shower you dig in your closet. Yanking through all of your date outfits. Nothing looks good. Nothing is good enough for this.

"It's just Hawks," You say as you toss your 5th dress onto your bed, "it's not like I'm going with someone who matters." You chuckle lightly. Then you move pulling up another dress. "Okay this is it." Next you work on your hair and your makeup. Moving through the movements. You go on dates all the time. Sure none of them have ever been in a situation exactly like this but it's not like it'll be that different. You chuckle lightly. Now all you have you have to do is show up. With one last look over your outfit you decide you are ready to go.

You grab your purse then press your hand against the wall. Once at the restaurant you see like any other Friday night it's pretty packed. All of the people also on their dates. You wonder lightly if he's going to meet you out here with all the other people waiting or if you should ask the hosts. Then again you thinking telling the host that you have a reservation that might be under the name Hawks then well you'll look ridiculous. Your phone buzzes. You look down at it to see it's Hawks.

Hawks - Tell the hostess that you are with Tamaki Raven

Y/n - your fake name?

Hawks - yep

               she'll take you back to the table

Y/n - Mkay

You slide your phone back in your purse and move walking to the stand where the hostess looks through her book.

"Reservation?" She says not even looking up at you. You smile lightly.

"Tamaki Raven," You say softly, "I'm meeting him here." She looks you up and down. Knowing that Hawks is Tamaki Raven and knowing you're going to be with him. The look just tells you that she doesn't think you deserve it or at least she doesn't believe it.

"We've been asked to ID his guest," She says. You hand over her ID. Again she doesn't seem convinced. However she can't exactly stop you since everything matches.

"Can I go to my table now?" You ask her.

"Right," She says, "follow me."

She moves leading me through the restaurant. The private room is all the way in the back and has a door blocking everyone from looking in. They made them for situations like this. Heroes going on dates or visiting. Safety for not only the heroes and their partners, but also for the citizens.

Finally she pulls open the door. I move past her to see the sandy blond locks and cocky smile.

"Hey Hawks," You say brightly.

"Hey beautiful," Hawks says standing to pull your chair out for you. You take your seat and he moves sitting back down at the table. The hostess shuts the door behind her as she leaves, giving Hawks and I the room alone.  "You look nice."

"Thanks," You tell him, "I did the works."

"Just for me?"

"Well I need to keep your expectations of me high," You tell him smirking lightly, "I can't exactly win your heart not looking my best." He chuckles. I smirk lightly as I look over him. "Speaking of looking someone's best- you look amazing." It's true. He's cleaned up. Not wearing his hero costume or some random tee and jeans. Instead he's got a nice suit on.

"Why thank you," He says, "only for you."

"Mm I like the sound of that," You tell him. The door opens and two wine glasses are set before us and the waiter pours the red whine for each of us.

"I ordered us some wine," He says, "I figured we'd both enjoy that." He smirks as I grab my glass. "Hard day at work?"

"No not really," You admit, "for once it was actually calm... it's terrifying like some calm before the storm bullshit."

"Calm doesn't have to mean bad," He offers.

"No in my agency it does," You sigh, "I'm waiting for Mimic to text me and tell me he accidently committed arson- yes before you ask yes that did happen- and then I'll have to spend all weekend doing damage control." He chuckles.

"Busy life," He tells me, "I get that. I mean I'm a hero thats as hectic as you can get."

"All parts of it," You sigh, "but I can't sit and wait for it to explode. Ya know."  He nods. "I'm sorry I'm complaining I know that doesn't make for a good date."

"No it's fine," He says, "I asked and I want to know."

"You are really sweet sometimes," You say smiling at him, "you know that?"

"I think I'm always sweet," He says, "but thank you." You both chuckle lightly.

"How was your day Hawks?" You ask him.

"Oh same old same old," He says, "hero business. Spent the day working with my bird buddy."

"Bird buddy?" You ask.

"My intern from UA," He explains, "have you guys got yours yet?"

"Shit no we invited ours to start Monday," You grown, "I remember because I had to send a 100 emails yesterday about office edict while we have children here."

"Woah what happens at Impressions agency?" He asks, "sex stuff? Drugs? Hookers? Strippers?"

"No none of that," You say shutting him down. He looks slightly disappointed that none of it was right. "our agency has a lot of people with transformation quirks so they move around fucking around with each other and well a lot of the time it gets a little x rated. And well Kami always makes a point of that." He chuckles. "So you have an intern. He keeping up with you?"

"As much as he can," Hawks says, "I am very fast."

"Oh yeah?" You ask.

"Yeah I might just be the fastest man on earth," He says obviously trying to show off.

"I think I might just be faster," You say.

"Oh come on I am so much faster than you," He says.

"You are not faster than me!" You exclaim, "I got her in a second what about you huh?"

"Okay your quirk is cheating," He says.

"No it's not!"

He starts to argue back but as the waiter comes over to take our order he drops it. We both order our meals and then turn back to our conversation.

"So your cooking class- I thought it was random but then I remembered that I've never seen you cook," Hawks says, "whats that about?"

"You're acting like you've known me for years," You chuckle, "you haven't really been around enough to see if I cook or not."

"Well do you?" He asks.

"Not really- I'm terrible at it hence the class," You explain, "I'm queen of takeout with a bottle of wine. Do you cook?"

"Don't really know how," He admits, "ya know the whole 23 year old guy who can only kinda take of himself thing." You chuckle.

"Right right," You say, "you can't cook anything though?"

"Instant ramen," He offers. You start to laugh lightly.

"Maybe I should bring you to my class," You tease, "all though you'd have to not sit with me wouldn't want the cute guys in the class to get the wrong idea."

"What? I'm the number two hero your street cred would go way up," He says, "come on I'm the coolest."

"The fact you just said 'street cred' unironically proves you aren't," You tell him, "besides you'd totally love the babes in the cooking class and you don't want them thinking we are together."

"I mean I don't know it would make them jealous and a jealous girl in bed is always entertaining," He says smirking lightly. You nod along lightly. "Plus if it made you jealous- it would be so hot."

"Oh would it?" You ask chuckling lightly, "wow I'm glad you are a perv."

"Oh baby you know it."

You both laugh lightly as the waiter places your entrees down before you. You thank the waiter before he moves off. Hawks looks at you curiously.

"You've thanked him like 6 times now," Hawks says.

"The service industry is hard," You tell him, "I worked as a waiter throughout high school and college and it literally sucks ass. So I thank servers and hostess a hundred times and leave nice tips. You should thank them more."

"I should," He admits.

"Didn't you have some job growing up?" You ask him. He tenses lightly.

"Uh no," He says, "didn't have much time to work with school."

"Yeah I guess that makes sense not many hero students actually have jobs do they?" You ask him, "well at least they didn't at UA."

"No they have us focus on the future," He says hoping that what he's saying makes sense, "with all the internships and stuff like that we didn't really have the time."

"Well you missed out on a rite of passage for most people," You tell him, "pretty much everyone has that terrible teen job that makes them realize the customer service industry deserves the entire world."

"Where did you work?" He asks me.

"Oh at a Udon place by the UA college campus," You share, "it was small but always packed with college and high school kids. I was one of the best of course."

"Always the best."

"You catch on fast," You say smiling bright, "it was a annoying Job but I actually really liked it. But I enjoy my current job a whole lot more."

"That's good," He says. You move stabbing into your meal.

"You know we talk about me a lot," You say, "when do we get to talk about you?"

"What do you wanna know?" He asks.

"What do you do when you aren't doing all of this?" You ask him, "your hobbies? Something that isn't breaking hearts or hero work."

"Oh well I like to sit relax," He says, "ya know I go so fast so on the rare times I get time for myself I just stop. Take a moment to relax."

"Rare times? You never seem busy anymore," You chuckle.

"This free time isn't really normal for me," He admits, "I've kinda been pushing most of my free time to hang out with you."

"What really?" You ask him. He nods.

"I like hanging out with you," He says honestly, "it's been really fun and I mean I haven't had fun like this in a while. Even if it's just for the game." He moves rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Not very play boy of me huh."

"No it's not but it's nice to see you being honest," You tell him, "not everything we do has to be all flirty ya know. At this point I think we can call ourselves friends."

"I don't know if I can be friends with someone who's sleeping with me," He says. I roll my eyes lightly.

"What a shame," You shrug, "I guess we will just have to stop sleeping together."

"No no," He says, "perfectly fine." You smirk lightly. Moving back to your food. Slightly amused with the fact that Hawks enjoys hanging around you. If you're being honest you love hanging out with him. He's fun. And what would you even be doing on a normal Friday? At a nightclub until you find you entertainment for the night. Some sleezy guy who you won't remember the next day.  "Okay you didn't tell me your hobbies," He points out, "what do you do for fun?"

"My cooking class, yoga," You tell him, "but most of the time it's a bottle of wine and some overrated movie."

"My kinda girl," He says, "that should be our next date-"

A wave of panic runs through his body. Next date? Why is he talking about next date? This isn't even a real date.

"Next hangout," He tries to correct.

"Next date?" You ask him. A wide smirk across your face.

If he could dive out the window he would. His face is bright red and all he wants to do is scream.

"You thinking that far ahead?"

For the first time he doesn't appreciate your cocky attitude.

"Well I just-"

"For our next date we can totally hang at mine and watch terrible movies," You say, "I'd love that."

He sighs in relief. Suddenly a lot less nervous. However his face is still red. You notice it deciding to move and place your hand on his.

"Relax I was just messing with you," You say attempting to calm him down. He smiles softly.

"So it's a plan?" He asks. You pull your hand away.

"If you don't fall in love with me before hand," You say.

"Oh trust me I won't fall in love- you should be worried about yourself tho," He says. You roll your eyes as you pull your hand back. Moving to your dish. The conversations continue through you both finishing your meals.  

"So your place or mine?" You ask him.

"No no no the park," He tells me, "I have a plan trust me."

"Okay," You say as he moves collecting the check. You watch as he writes a generous tip.

"Okay so can you make a portal to the park down the street?" He asks me. You nod pressing your hand to make the portal. You both step through it into the park.

You look around noticing its empty. If Hawks was anyone else you'd be pretty freaked out about being in a park alone with him.

"Okay so I need you to trust me," He tells me, "alright?"

"I don't know," You say, "I might have to just ready my taser."

"You have a taser?"

"I'm a woman who lives alone yes I have a taser," You tell him, "don't make me use it on you."

"Kinky," He says with a smirk. You scoff lightly. "Come on just walk with me." He links his arm with yours and leads you through the park. Finally we get to the gazebo it's decorated with  Christmas lights. You chuckle lightly.

"You steal this from Pinterest?" You tease him.

"Yes," He says he smirk drops, "was that a bad idea?"

"No it's cute," You say to him, "a little cheesy but I like it." He smiles.

"Good because I was really scared you wouldn't like it," He admits, "I'm not the most- romantic apparently." He moves away from my side to step under the gazebo. He moves pulling flowers from underneath one of the chairs then offers it to me. It's a bouquet of daisies. "Here you go."

"Daisies?" You ask him, "you remembered."

"I'm pulling out all the stops for tonight," He says brightly, "just like this." He moves grabbing another thing from under the chair. You move forward to see its a speaker. He messes with if for a second then a slow song starts to play. He sets it down then turns to me with a big smile. "Wanna dance?"

"Of course," You say. He offers a hand to you then leads you under the gazebo. You move placing your hands on his shoulders as he gently places his hands on your waist. He leads. He's actually not bad. In fact he's kinda great at this. You wonder if in school he danced with girls at dances like this. If he did the fact he's been mostly single his whole life is mind blowing. You move resting your head on his shoulder. You are enjoying the moment. He's so gentle. So caring.

Hawks couldn't keep his eyes off of you. Something kept drawing him back to look at you. His mind amplifying every small touch and gesture.

As the song ends and you start to pull away his mind shuts off and his body takes over. Tilting your head up moving into a kiss. You were shocked at first but slowly melt into it. Holding onto him tightly. Both of your minds melting to nothing but the other.

You break the kiss. Pulling away biting your lip at the loss of sensation.

"Hawks...."

He stays silent. His eyes looking past you.

"Hey Hawks," You say softly.

"I have to go," He says at once. Before you can say anything he's flying off leaving you in the gazebo alone.

"Hawks?!"

It's too late. He's gone.  You scoff grabbing your flowers and open the portal from below your feet to disappear.

"Mm I knew he was lying," A low voice says as a smirk widens across their face. "Oh poor little Keigo Takami. You're little girl is going to get hurt because you can't be careful.

[sprnklersplashes]

heart of stone (7/?)

AO3

Unlike most of his peers, Damian isn’t excited at all about moving out. There’s a lot he loves about living at home-having a mom who cooks him his own meals, not having to pay bills, living withing walking distance of his best friends and a not having to do his own laundry. All those little conveniences are things he’ll miss sorely when that day comes, but the biggest reason has nothing to do with any of that. No, the reason he dreads moving out is because he’s not sure if he’ll be able to find a roommate that will put up with his constant singing around the house. Especially around audition time.

Which is why now, he’s practicing his rendition of Dressing Them Up in his bedroom, his mom being incredibly cool about the whole thing downstairs and Janis on Facetime, earbuds in and bopping along with him and giving him more enthusiasm than the actual audience probably will.

“You sound great.” She’s sitting cross legged on her hospital bed in a sweater and leggings, her face more bare than it was yesterday, but her eyes still bright and laugh lines creased around her eyes and mouth. She’s still her.

It was tough, seeing her for the first time, but weirdly, it wasn’t nearly as tough as he thought it would be. Once he got past the strangeness of the hospital environment and the little emotional hiccup she had with Cady, he knew she’s still her. Hard situation, uncomfortable new world, but still his Janis.

“You think so?” he says. “I don’t know about this song. All the forums say it’s a really good song to audition for the Emcee with.”

“And it’s your party piece,” she tells him. “Remember freshman year, you sang it for my grandpa?”

“I miss your grandpa,” he sighs.

“I’ll let him know. He calls me weekly now.” She shifts on the bed, tossing her hair over her shoulder. Before he even realises what she’s doing, he checks her arm. No IV in there. Why does that make him feel better? “So do you think you’re going to change it?”

“Should I?” he asks, looking through his music. “The audition’s tomorrow. I don’t know if I can research and learn a new song by tomorrow.”

“Then don’t,” she tells him. “You’re overthinking it.”

“You’re telling me off for overthinking,” he says rather indignantly, raising an eyebrow at her. “This is the same girl who texted me at 2 in the morning for my opinion on a dog meme to send to Cady.”

“I needed a second opinion,” she says.

“Thought you didn’t need opinions,” he teases.

“Maybe I need yours,” she says softly, the grin on her face lighting up the screen. “Dick.”

“Don’t even love you,” he replies, blowing a kiss softly to the screen. Janis giggles, hiding her face behind her hand.

“Okay, you have the scene worked out as well?”

“I think so.” He picks up the extract from his bed. He’s done it for everyone, Janis, his mom, Janis’ mom, Cady, even the plastics. He learned that day that Gretchen is amazing at giving weirdly specific compliments and also knows more about theatre than he’d have guessed. Maybe in another life she’d be a drama geek like him. “It’s just an audition anyway. They’re not looking for the finished product. Just potential.”

“And you my good man are 6’2” of raw mother fucking potential.”

“Janis, language!”

“Raw mother freaking potential. Sorry, mom.” Somewhere behind the phone, Janis’ mom says something and Janis chuckles, rolling her eyes. “I’m not allowed to cuss in here. Since this is a ‘children’s ward’.” She quotes the word with her fingers. “Which is apparently where I belong.”

“You are a children,” he reminds her.

“I am older than you!” she spits back, laughter shaking her voice. She leans back on the bed, tossing her hair over her shoulder. The joke slips from her face, leaving soft sincerity in its place. “Are you nervous?”

“I don’t get nervous.” She raises her eyebrow at him, of course. By now she can see into his brain like there’s a little window on his forehead. It’s why he can’t bullshit with her, and conversely, why she can’t with him. “A little. I just really want a good role, you know. It’s our last show.”

“Which is why you’re going to ace that audition so hard,” she tells him. “Just don’t drink dairy in the morning and do your breathing before you go in. And stay away from the candy!”

“Pity you’re not here to remind me,” he says.

“True, but I did take the liberty of passing on all the info to Cady,” she tells him. “She knows what to do.”

“You’re a hero, babe.”

“Don’t I just know it,” she says. “Are you going to do the whole ‘dress for the part you want’?”

“Of course.” He runs over to his wardrobe and shows her the outfit he’d picked out for tomorrow, black silk waistcoat and black skinny jeans, his dance shoes in his bag. “What do we think?”

“Oh, that’s so sexy,” she tells him. “We need to bring waistcoats back to the collective again. I miss them.” Before he can answer, she looks beyond the camera, nodding along to a conversation he can’t hear. She casts an anxious glance at him, so quickly that he would have missed it if he blinked. “Okay. Okay, yeah fine, I know. Okay fine.” She turns back to him, letting out a long exhale that makes the hair on his arms stand up. He can’t help it; he has built-in parental instincts and they’ve been heightened ever since Janis went to hospital. So much so that even when she flashes up a peace sign and grins, it’s hard for him to grin back. “I have to bounce. Go get a good night’s sleep, ace it tomorrow, and tell the drama club that my services are still available.”

“I’ll let them know,” he says. He sits on the bed, tucking one leg under his body. He’s reluctant to let her go, their time together so precious now. “I love you, honey pot.”

“Love you more, bitch.” Her face freezes and then she’s gone. Not gone, he corrects himself. Just… not around for him right now.

“Okay,” he exhales, giving himself a shake. She’s fine. She said she was fine, she looked fine, she is fine. And she will be fine. She even said that she might be well enough to come see him in the show, all things going smoothly. The thought alone is enough to make him smile. Of course she will. The show won’t be for months anyway. He just has to get through this first. So he picks up his music and bounces down the stairs, ready to treat his mom and sisters to yet another rendition.

                                                                                               *****

It’s just after second period when the nerves do start to kick in. He’s not scared or intimidated, he can’t be he approaches auditions the way Cady would a calculus test, as a thrilling challenge to be overcome and a way to improve, whatever the outcome. But like he said to Janis, it’s his last year. He’s not gotten parts before but would be different. He wouldn’t throw a fit or leave the show if he didn’t get it, those types of divas make him cringe so much it hurts. But he can’t shake the idea that it wouldn’t be as special if he were in the ensemble in his last year. Besides, this is his part. Always has been.

“Hey.” He jumps off the floor, so wrapped up in his own thoughts he’d barely noticed the person sliding up beside him. He’s even more surprised when he sees who it is; Regina, wearing a lacrosse jersey over her white dress and a smile that’s uncharacteristically apprehensive. Since when did Regina George doubts? More to the point, since when did Regina talk to him? He wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t even know his name until Cady told him. He just assumed he was ‘Janis’ gay friend’ to her, nothing more. The same way she’s nothing more than ‘asshole Queen Bee I’d punch given the chance’ to him.

“Hi,” he says flatly. Her smile falters at his tone, and he has to hide his own smirk behind his locker door. Someone clearly isn’t used to not being given the golden treatment.

“So… how’s Janis doing?”

And the surprises keep on coming.

“You care?” he snorts.

“Yeah, I do.” Her tone is more defensive this time, the familiar anger that’s become her trademark making an appearance. Somehow, she sounds more natural this way. She shakes her head and tosses her dark hair over her shoulder. “You’ve talked to her recently, I’m guessing.”

“Of course I have. She’s my best friend,” he fires back, suddenly finding himself on the defence. Heat prickles on his skin and he wants nothing more than to get out of this conversation.

“I just… wanted to know how she’s doing,” she says, her voice quiet and her arms crossed over her chest. He closes the locker door and looks at her, trying to find some semblance of the ruthless predator he knows rather than the timid, vulnerable creature before him. It’s unsettling, seeing her like this, and he’s almost certain it’s a trap. “So how is she?”

“She’s great.” He slams the locker door closed and now it’s her turn to jump. “Janis is doing great. And she’s being let out for a week on Friday. So, she’s great.”

“O-okay,” she replies. She picks at her nails, her eyes growing wide. It’s only when she takes a step back that he can breathe again. She gives an attempted smile and it doesn’t look right on her face. “That’s cool. That’s good to hear.”

“Yeah.” He puts his bag on his shoulder and pushes past her. Admittedly, he does feel a little guilty here. Regina’s a horrible person, but she’s still a person, right? Maybe she is worried about Janis, that there’s some sincerity beneath the make-up.

No. Of course not. And if Regina wanted his respect, she should have started back in middle school. And in any case, why is he even thinking about Regina? He’s got way bigger things to worry about today than her.

He checks his phone at lunch, finding nothing from Janis. Which is normal these days. Normal re-adjusted pretty quickly and she’s just finished another round right about now, so she’s probably resting from that. Besides, no news is good news, as his mom likes to say.

“Damian. Damian!”

“Woah, yeah, I’m here.” He shakes his head, grabbing the side of the table. He really needs to tune back in today. Cady is sitting beside him, her hand on his shoulder and her eyes big with concern.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I am,” he says, patting her hand. “Just daydreaming, kid.”

“Okay.” Silence settles over them, tight and uncomfortable. It hurts. Janis’ absence hasn’t rocked their friendship at all, but at the same time it’s felt like there’s been something missing since the start of the year. And that there’s constantly something going unsaid with them. “When’s your audition?”

“T minus four hours,” he tells her. “They’re after school.”

“Speaking of I see you’ve broken out the two-litre bottle of water.”

“Are you kidding me?” he asks. “Honey, I am a professional.”

“A professional drama queen,” she teases. “You think you’re ready?”

“As I can be. My mom and sisters all gave me a standing ovation,” he says proudly. “And I think my cat liked it.”

“I mean that’s all the validation you need,” she says. “When you go into your first Broadway audition, all you need to tell them is how highly your cat recommends you.” They burst into laughter as Karen and a forlorn-looking Gretchen sit down next to them, Karen holding the other girl’s hand and looking helplessly at Cady and Damian.

“Hey, what’s up, Gretch?” Cady asks. Without a word, Gretchen slides a crumpled sheet of math questions over the table and lets out a huff. Despite trying not to look, Damian can’t help noticing the score at the top, and the “see me” written at the bottom. Cady’s face falls instantly as she takes in a sharp breath. “Well, it’s just the second week. And it’s one homework.”

“Oh, what’s the use,” Gretchen sighs. “I’m never going to get it. It’s all so complicated. I wish I had a brain like yours, Cady. You’re super great at math.”

“Well you’re good at stuff too,” Cady responds.

“Yeah,” Karen agrees. “Like you’re super good at English. And at picking out clothes.”

“I don’t think Ms Gardner will appreciate me picking out clothes,” she says glumly. “Besides, I need to get better at math this year. For one thing, my dad will totally kill me if I get another C.”

“Well… hey why don’t I tutor you?” Cady offers, changing Gretchen’s entire demeanour in an instant. She sits up and gasps, a smile breaking out across her face and lighting up the cafeteria.

“You would? Really?” she squeaks.

“Of course! I mean, I did all this stuff last year, so I know it well. What do you say?”

“Oh, thank you so much!” She reaches out the table and grabs Cady’s hand, and judging by Cady’s face, it’s stronger than you might think for Gretchen’s slight frame. “This makes me feel so much better.”

“What does?” Regina sits down beside her, looking from Cady to Gretchen and funnily enough, avoiding Damian entirely.

“Oh, Cady’s going to tutor me in math,” Gretchen explains.

“Oh, cool,” Regina says. “You know that’ll look great on a college application.”

“Yeah. I mean of course that’s not the only reason I’m doing it,” Cady replies, smiling at Gretchen. “But I know. All I’ve heard since we got back is ‘college applications’.”

“Me too,” Damian sighs. “And I am not looking forward to telling Miss Meyer I want to do theatre.” He rolls his eyes and mimics shooting his head.

“Oh, hey Damian, Cady?” Karen asks. “Can I ask you something.”

“Um… sure?”

“What kind of muffins does Janis like?” The four of them all fall quiet, Damian looking to a confused Cady before back at Karen, who seems to be the only one who sees the sense here.

“Muffins?” he echoes.

“Mm-hm. Well, I want to bake her muffins to cheer her up, and since you two are her besties, I thought you’d know,” she explains. “Trust me, there’s nothing worse than bringing someone the wrong muffins. One time my cousin brought my other cousin muffins that weren’t her favourite and I was so, so ashamed for her.”

“Oh, okay,” he says. Karen nods severely, apparently taking the muffins incredibly seriously. “Um… she really likes raspberries I guess. Oh, and white chocolate. That’s one of her favourite combos.”

“Perfect!” she chirps. “I’ll start shopping for those tomorrow. I told my mom about her and she said she might like something sweet.”

“That’s… really nice,” he says. Life with the former-Plastics is a surprise even after spending the summer with them. He isn’t sure how ‘former’ he’d consider them, especially Regina, but they’re softer than they were a year ago. Gretchen more caring, Karen more kind. Or maybe they were always like that and he simply didn’t notice.

As they get up to leave, he takes out his phone and checks it. Still nothing from her.

He walks Cady to her next class, the two of them being on the same floor.

“Should I wait for you until your audition’s done?” she asks him.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” he says, patting her on the back. “Go live your life, little one.”

“Okay, but…” She rests her head on his shoulder and warmth sparks in his fingers and a stupid grin crosses his face. “Would you like me to wait until after your audition? We can go to the donut place after?”

“Did Janis tell you to do that?” Grabbing donuts after auditions to unwind has been their tradition since middle school.

“Well, yeah,” she says, shrugging innocently. “Just thought it would be cool. It’s what you always do, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah of course, totally. That’d be awesome.” They stop outside her history classroom. “Okay, I will see you later.”

“I’ll be in the library,” she explains. “You can meet me there?”

“Awesome blossom.” They have a quick high-five before he sets off down the hall to American Literature. As he goes, he finds a small but fierce sense of anxiety sparking in his chest and he can’t work out what it’s for. Probably the audition. After all, no amount of experience can chase away the terror of this process. Waiting around, learning and re-learning lines, sitting by his computer waiting for an email and fighting through crowds to see the cast list. He puts up a confident face, but that will never stop shaking him.

He takes out his phone again, just to check the time and location again. There’s nothing from Janis again, which is fine. Completely.

“Damian Hubbard.” He halts and looks up at the face of his Literature teacher, Mr Bock. He’s not great, but he’s not awful either. Once upon a time he may have actually liked kids. “Is that phone meant to be out during school hours?”

“No, sir,” he replies, sliding it back into his pocket and hoping for the best.

“Well come on, you’re in my class next and I won’t have anyone being tardy.”

“No, sir,” he repeats, doubling his pace and making it into the classroom, looking up at the clock as he does so. Just three more hours to go.

                                                                                               *****

He spends the time waiting for his slot breathing and doing small vocal warm-ups, enough to get him ready but not enough to irritate anyone else. As well as consoling a fearful looking little freshman kid. There are few things in the world that warm his heart quite as much as seeing new faces in auditions and watching them bloom during the show. He always makes sure to build connections with each and every one of them, taking up the role he wished someone had done for him. By the time Damian’s name is called, the freshman is grinning and his hands are nearly steady and he even whispers ‘good luck’ before he goes in.

“Afternoon all,” he greets the panel; Miss Petersen, the director/oldest drama teacher, and the perky little new one, fresh out of teaching college and rearing to go, as well as the choreographer and head of the drama club. Three familiar faces and one new, all smiling back at him. Something he tells every freshman; they want to cast you. He hands the sheet music to the girl at the piano and takes his spot, always remembering to smile and compliment her.

“Hi Damian, how are you?” Petersen asks.

“I’m great,” he replies. He clears his throat slightly, not having realised how tight it was. Did he not warm up enough? “Ready to go.”

“Okay so what song have you picked for us today?” the new teacher asks. Miss Hadsell, someone said her name is. She’s cute, with wide dark eyes and blonde hair in a messy braid. He wonders if she also takes art, he hasn’t seen her around the art room.

Then he remembers he hasn’t been in the art room this year.

“I have picked Dressing Them Up from Kiss of the Spider Woman,” he says brightly, bringing himself back. Here and now, that’s what matters.

“Good choice,” Miss Petersen says. “And you’ll be reading for the part of the Emcee?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Okay.” She grins at him, although it doesn’t really do anything to bring his focus back. What is wrong with him today?

He takes two deep breaths, and then another, and quickly shakes out his hands before nodding to the pianist. Once the song starts, he’ll be fine. Lost in the music, laser focussed. And he is. After missing the first note. He’s never missed a note before. Still, he manages to pick up the rest of it and keep going, throwing everything into it.

But it doesn’t feel enough. Like something is holding him back. Every time he’s sang this song before it’s come as naturally as breathing, the movements coming from him, not a character or persona. Now nothing feels right. Like he’s on a string and someone else is moving his limbs and every gesture is artificial.

By the time he finishes, it’s almost a relief. And he’s never thought that about performing.

“That was great!” Miss Hadsell says. “You must love that song a lot.”

“It’s an old favourite of mine,” he agrees. He can still bring this back. Maybe it was better than he thought.

He reads through two scenes for them before he’s asked to leave. At least those are stronger, partially because he knows them like the back of his hand. He feels more himself in them, or rather he feels more like the character. Even if his mind’s still a little fuzzy, it clicks for him. If only it could have happened earlier.

Rather than running right to the library and Cady afterwards, he sinks down onto a bench in an empty corridor, wringing his hands together. He doesn’t remember ever feeling that nervous or having an audition like that. Not even when he was a kid. Being in drama clubs since he could walk chased away the strong jitters that could affect him like that. So what happened in there?”

You know a voice in his head whispers. He goes to wave it off, but he can’t quite do it. Because what if there’s some truth in it. He’s worried about Janis, he’s only human. But he has it under control. She’s getting what she needs and she’ll be back with him by Christmas, and they’ll move forward like nothing ever happened. He presses his fist into his palm and bites his cheek. He’s handling it, and his own issues have never affected his performances before. Why would they now?

There’s no point in worrying now, he tells himself. It’s over, so just go home, tell everyone it was fine and whatever happens, happens.

It’s with that mantra that he gets up and heads to the library to pick up Cady.

                                                                                               *****

The next day is Wednesday and when he wakes up he’s suddenly immensely excited and won’t pretend he doesn’t know why. As his mom likes to say, ‘Wednesday is halfway to the weekend’. Which is enough of a reason to be happy in itself, but this means something more. It means it’s two days until Janis gets out of hospital and three days until they hang out again. They arranged it a few days ago; a movie night in her place, just like always, with blankets and pillows and junk food and an equal balance of musicals and old sci-fi and horror. So he can’t not be excited, so much so that it’s enough for him to block out the memories of his audition yesterday.

So when he half-walks, half-dances into the kitchen, it’s justified, and what’s more, his mom picks up on it.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” she remarks.

“Sun’s shining, birds chirping,” he replies as he puts on the coffee pot and pops bread into the toaster.

“Did you talk to Janis at all last night?”

“A bit.” He pours himself a cup and one for his mom. All the milk in his and one sugar for him, black and two sugars for his mom.

“How’s she doing?”

“She’s fine,” he says. “You know her. Tough as hell, fighting anything.” His phone vibrates in his pocket and it brings an instant smile to his face. “As a matter of fact that’s her now… oh…”

Janis’ message is a picture of the medical student, Jackson, fiddling with her IV, shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Below is the caption ‘forgot to send you this yesterday. Thought you might enjoy’. And a winking face, of all the emojis.

‘Appreciated, thank you,’ he texts back. ‘Though I am debating the ethical ramifications of this.’

He probably won’t get an answer for a while. She tends to sleep in in the mornings.

“Her poor mother,” his mom sighs, seemingly to herself. He looks up at her, her hands tight around the hug and her head shaking. “I mean, poor Janis as well of course. No one deserves to go through that. But if anything like that were to happen to you…” She runs a hand through his hair, a fond smile along with her sad features. “God knows what I’d do.” There’s a small moment, a sigh, and then she kisses his head.

“Mom, you’re so mushy,” he sighs, not meaning any of it. Mushy is a well-established Hubbard trait passed from mother to son and he’s not ashamed of it, not at all. It’s that exact mushy-ness that gives him the capacity to love his friends the way he does and let them feel it every chance he can. He’d never trade it for anything. “I have to get ready. Don’t want to be late. Love you!”

When he gets into homeroom, Cady is bent over her notebook with her pens out, which strikes him as odd. Surely the study bee Cady Heron isn’t catching up on homework already. He’s not even catching up on homework yet.

“Hey.” He pulls on her ponytail, a far more amusing way of getting her attention that tapping her shoulder. She grins and looks up at him, stretching out her arms. “What are you working on?”

“Trying to make a schedule for tutoring,” she explains, handing it over to him. The page is divided into seven days and those into hour long slots, and true to form, everything is colour-coded. School is green, Mathletes is blue, and so-called ‘Janis time’ is purple. Her name is written in silver glitter pen rather than black ballpoint, and there’s a little star doodled in the corner. It’s nothing short of adorable, and Cady’s cheeks go pink as he knowingly catches her eye. “Gretchen says she can’t do weekdays, so I might squeeze her in on Saturday mornings.” She takes the page and tilts it, scrunching up her face. “Wonder how many more I can fit in.”

“How much tutoring does she need exactly?” he asks.

“It’s not just Gretchen,” she says, shrugging. “I just thought, well, why not expand it. See who else needs tutoring? I could make some money off of it. And it looks great on-”

“The college applications,” he finishes, earning an eyeroll from her. Still, they both smile. “I think that’s a great idea little slice. As long as no-one’s faking stupid to score a date with you.”

“Oh hush,” she chides, swatting at him playfully. “Besides, no one would dare. Half our grade is kind of terrified of Janis.”

“We all know she could still kick their collective asses.”

“Even hopped up on chemo, she could.”

“Yeah, completely.” Something shifts inside him, and suddenly his smile feels more plastered on that natural. Keep it together, he tells himself. “So has anyone gotten back to you about tutoring?”

“I haven’t put the word out yet,” she says. “Although I did make this!” She reaches into her bag and hands another page to him, this time with a photo of her in the centre and “Tutoring Services-Math and Science, specialising in calculus” printed below it, and her phone number and email address in a different, cursive font below. And true to form, she decorated it with little ClipArt lions and tigers. “What?”

“Nothing.” He hands her it back. “It’s just very you. And if I needed help with math, I’d call you in an instant.”

“You flatter me,” she jokes, putting it back in her backpack and dropping it on the floor. It catches his eye and he doesn’t understand why it would for a second, but then he remembers. She bought this backpack the day they went to the mall. She picked the white one with the little frogs. Janis had laughed at it, affectionately calling her a ‘permanent child’. That was the day Janis had passed out. The day she had overslept. The day before she had gotten that doctor’s appointment. And all the while, none of them knew the truth. None of them had put the pieces together.

“Damian?”

“Oh, yeah.” He nods quickly. “Yes, you should definitely do that.” Across from him, Cady’s eyebrows are shot up, her mouth half open. He’s blown it. Whatever ‘it’ is.

“Okay,” she sighs. “Um… are you okay?”

“Of course I’m okay.” He leans back in his chair and tosses his head.  “Look at me, I’m the King of Okay, baby girl.”

“I know a bad Doctor Who reference when I hear one,” she tells him. She taps her pencil on the desk. If she knows a Doctor Who reference, then he can recognise a tell. She’s building up to something. “Look, it’s okay if you’re not okay. I mean what’s going on right now with Janis… it’s rough. It’s okay if you’re a little out of it. I am too.”

“Well that’s fine, but I’m not.”

The words shock him as soon as they leave his mouth. He wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t said them at all, rather someone behind him, and he wishes that were the case. He’s not like that. Those words are sharp and he’s rarely ever sharp. He made himself a promise never to be sharp or cruel or nasty unless absolutely necessary. He’s put in so much work over the years building up his cheerful, warm persona and it took a while for it to become fully natural. Apparently, he still needs work, because Cady’s face is falling at his outburst and she’s turning around him her chair and his gut is twisting and churning with guilt.

“Caddy, wait.” He reaches out and grabs her shoulder. “I’m-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out like that. It’s just-I’m so sorry, Caddy.”

“Hey.” Cady takes his hand and wraps her own around it, giving it a comforting squeeze. “It’s okay. Everything’s a lot right now.” Is it? Well, it is anyone can see that. But he’s coping, he’s sure of it. He woke up today so full of happiness he may have burst. How did he go from that to this in the space of an hour?

“Yeah,” he simply says. He runs his thumb over Cady’s knuckles, still shaken from what he said. He grips her hand tighter as if that can make sense of it. “I’m sorry.”

Despite Cady telling him it’s okay, a bad feeling follows him around all day, guilt combined with something else he can’t figure out. It leaves him feeling nauseous and uneasy all through his classes and even during lunch with his friends. It sits there all day, right in the pit of his stomach and wearing him out. By the time his first class after lunch starts, all he wants to do it go home. That very last bell is music to his ears and he barely remembers to bid goodbye to his friends before bolting out the door.

His hands are cold and unsteady as he pulls books out of his locker, his heart beating quickly and faintly beneath his shirt. He checks his phone, his messages empty, and makes a mental note to text Cady later before closing his locker and heading to the front gate. Hopefully by the time he gets home he’ll have come back to himself.

“Damian!”

Oh god, he thinks, suppressing a sigh. Ms Towers slips out in front of him, a file held close to her chest and her glasses perched on her head. She’s the school guidance counsellor, someone he’s never really interacted with. All of his issues were either fixed or in the process of that by the time he reached high school. She sure had her work cut out for her when the Burn Book was released though.

“Um, hi,” he says.

“Could I grab a quick word with you?” she asks.

No you cannot is what he wants to say. The school bell has gone, I’m free now.

“Sure,” is what he says instead, and his body follows her into her little office and even takes the seat she offers. It’s only when she sits down that he turns off autopilot. “Is this going to take long? Only I’ve got a lot of homework.”

“Not long at all,” she replies. She clears her throat, pretends to fix some papers on her desk, and leans forwards on the desk, her hands clasped beneath her. “Damian, what you’re going through is very difficult.”

“That’s indeed one word for it.”

“And the schoolboard is fully aware of any challenges you might be facing this year,” she goes on. “You probably know your teachers are all aware of the toll this may take on your schoolwork.” He hadn’t actually thought of that before. “But there are many support systems in place outside of the classroom. I want you to know that if you need any of them, we would be more than happy to schedule something for you. You could talk to me, or one of my colleagues on the care team, during one of your free periods maybe once or twice a week? Or if you want, our pastoral care team would be more than willing to talk to you in the school chapel-”

The image of Damian sitting in a church sitting on a pew talking to a priest about anything is so ludicrous to him that he actually bursts out laughing in her face.

He’s really being the resident asshole today, isn’t he?

“Sorry,” he replies, making a show of clearing his throat. “Something caught in my throat. You know how it is.”

“Oh, of course. I can get you some water if you like.” He shakes his head, taking his own bottle out of his bag, and gives her a gesture to keep talking. “Just if you want to avail of any of these services, they’re here. We’re all here for you Damian. So… do you think you might?”

“I appreciate the offer,” he says. His hand wraps tightly around his knee. “I really do. But I’m fine. I don’t need any school therapy or anything like that.”

“I don’t mean therapy,” she says. “Well, I could. But just if you needed a quick chat. This is a hugely stressful situation.”

“I know,” he snaps. He takes a deep breath in. He feels as though his insides are shaking, like a town caught in an earthquake. “I know. But I’m fine. I’m coping. And I have my own people anyway. I’ve got my friends; I’ve got my mom.” He stands on sore and unsteady legs and puts his bag on his back. “Besides, everything’s fine. Janis is coming home this weekend and we’re going to have a movie night and it will be exactly like it always has been. So we’re all good here.”

He lets her nod before bolting out the door. He doesn’t let anyone slow him down this time as he runs outside, down the front path and out the school gates, only starting to slow down when he’s off that street.

All the while, he doesn’t let himself think about Ms Towers’ offer, because doesn’t need it. He’s good. He’ll make himself good if he has to. He’s had enough practice at that after all.

                                                                                               *****

Saturday night takes forever to come around. The clocks on the wall tick by too slowly no matter where he is. Janis must get home late on Friday, because at some time after nine she posts a video of her dog cuddling her on her bed with the caption ‘I missed this boosh so much’. While Maxie takes up half the screen, he can see the smile in her cheeks. She looks good, healthy, happy, and that’s the main thing.

But finally the time comes, and he’s standing on her doorstep with a rucksack full of treats, DVDs, and the sleepover essentials. Butterflies flutter in his stomach, something he hasn’t felt since the early teens, and he has to hold back his arm lest he press the doorbell again.

“Hubbard!”

“Sarkisian!”

The moment he’s in her house, he envelopes her in a hug, letting her head rest in his shoulder and his hand rubbing up and down her back. His knees buckle in relief once she’s back with him, back hugging him. Sure he’s seen her before back in the hospital, but that was too alien. This is home. This is real.

“Missed you, dork,” she whispers.

“Missed you more,” he replies. When they finally let each other go, he sees her dressed down, blue and green galaxy leggings and a deep purple sweatshirt with a cartoon dinosaur on the front. Sleepover wear.

In the living room, Laura is setting up a bowl of popcorn and a try of tortilla chips, as well as a litre bottle of water and one of lemonade. She brightens up at the sight of him, hugging him lightly like you would a family member.

“Nice to see you, kid,” she tells him. “Hey how were the auditions? Janis told me they were this week.”

“Oh yeah,” he replies. It’s an effort not to wince. “They were fine. You know.”

“Well, we’ll be expecting front row tickets,” she tells him. “And a discount.”

“Sorry Laura no can do. Janis knows the importance of providing funds for the drama club.” Behind her mom, Janis nods as she fiddles with the DVD player.

“Oh, Janis, hon, let me do that.”

“It’s fine,” she replies, force behind the words. “I’ve got it. Besides you’re the one always asking me how to work it.”

“Fair enough,” she mutters. “Well, you two enjoy your night. I’m just down the hall if you need anything.”

“Cool. Thanks Mom.”

“Do you want me to take the dog out?”

“We can keep him. I think he’s missed Damian anyway.”

“And I’ve missed him,” Damian adds in. Maxie is pawing at Damian’s legs, his head rubbing against his legs and his tail wagging.

“Okay, just make sure you keep him calm. Otherwise he won’t let you sleep.”

“We’ll keep him calm,” Janis promises. “He’s a good boy.”

Laura mutters something to the contrary as she leaves, the door clicking shut behind her. Janis rolls her eyes at her.

“She’s so mean to the baby,” she says, patting the ground. “Come here Maxie-boy. Isn’t mama just the meanest and nastiest to the poor baby boy?”

“Should I leave you two alone?” he asks, only half-joking. Janis looks up from where she was making kissy faces at her dog and chuckles.

“I missed him,” she says. “Can you blame me? Imagine not letting your dog into the hospital with you.”

“It’s lunacy all right.” He kneels down beside her, opening up his rucksack. “Okay, I brought chocolate peanuts, I brought mini pretzels, I brought sour gummies. And to top it off, I brought your faves… crispy NemNems!” He holds up the box of M&Ms, wiggling them in her face. She bats them away, grinning.

“Perfection. Okay, what do we watch first?”

“You pick. That’s the rule after all, remember?” he reminds her. “Your house, your rules.”

“Okay. Then I pick…” She holds up the DVD to him; A Nightmare On Elm Street and wiggles her eyebrows. One of her favourites, which just so happens to be one of his least favourites. He’s not a horror fan. It’s one of the few disagreements they have.

“Deal. But I may have to hide behind your hair.”

They settle themselves on the couch, a pair of blankets resting on the heater behind them and Maxie plopped on top of them for extra warmth. His little head is on Janis’ lap, demanding pets, and she is only too happy to oblige. He snuggles further into her with his paws up on his legs and whimpering whenever she so much as shifts.

“Someone missed you.”

“Yeah he did,” she replies, her voice fond. “You know when I came into the kitchen last night he peed himself because he was so excited.” She leans down to the dog and starts speaking in what they call her ‘Maxie-voice’. “Didn’t you to a peepee on the floor and Daddy had to mop it up?”

“Awww. Also ewww.” Janis digs him the ribs even as she laughs. Maxie is oblivious to this, his ears pricking up as he looks between the two of them. Damian cracks open the snacks, already commandeering the tortilla chips (what can he say, he’s a carb lover) and placing the rest of them delicately between them before opening the M&Ms and handing them to Janis.

“Oh, thanks…” She picks a few out of the bag while holding the dog down with the other hand, lest he eat something he shouldn’t.

When he looks back in the bag, it’s like no-one took anything. Sure enough, there’s probably only three or four in her hand right now. And they’re one of her favourite things in the world, ever. She’s hidden them under pillows at sleepovers before. Before he can stop, she notices him looking and gives him a shrug.

“I’m just not that hungry,” she explains, taking a sip of the water. “It’s fine.”

It’s fine. There you go. She said it’s fine, so it’s fine.

Despite that reassurance, and against his better judgement, he doesn’t stop taking peeks at her as the movie goes on. It’s probably a good thing he doesn’t like this movie. She picks at the food she would normally be fighting him for, eating a pretzel here and there and nothing else, only long, slow drinks of water. The hair on the back of his neck pricks up at it, his instincts once again kicking in.

Maybe instead of instincts, he thinks he might just be paranoid. Janis said that she hadn’t had much of an appetite recently. It’s just a side effect of the medicine. Nothing to be worried about, surely, especially with the way her eyes are wide and her grin is excited and bright, the way she jumps at scares she’s seen ten times over and ‘ooh’s at Freddy coming down the hall. She even calls him a ‘magnificent bastard’. Why should he focus on what she’s eating when she’s still her and is in good spirits? With that in mind, he turns his attention to the movie, properly this time, accompanied by Janis’ rantings and commentary.

When he does lose focus on Freddy Kruger again, it’s nothing to do with Janis or ‘instincts’, but rather nature calling, courtesy of a half-empty lemonade bottle on the floor. He stretches his stiff legs and turns to let her know, probably having to tap her to pull her out of the movie… only to find her curled in on herself, eyes closed, lips slightly parted. Her hand rests limply on Maxie and her chest rises and falls slowly. How long has she been like that, he wonders.

“Janis?” he whispers. Nothing. “Janis.” She doesn’t move, doesn’t even flinch. That’s her for the night.

She looks younger in sleep, especially without make-up. And a lot less tough. It’s easier to see her as the little girl he met crying in a bathroom all those years ago. But she was tough even then, and she’s even stronger now. He rises slowly, careful not to wake her. Maxie is still awake, but antsy at sitting down for too long.

“Come here, kid,” he says quietly to him. He lifts Janis’ hand a little and coaxes him off her, patting his knees until he reluctantly climbs down. He settles beside her instead, sitting beside the couch like a little guard dog. “Good boy.” Next he takes the blanket from the heater and throws it over her, making sure to tuck it over her shoulders. That’s what moves her, and for a second he panics, but she only murmurs something and burrows into it. His heart swells in that moment, and he presses a swift kiss to her head.

“Good night, kid,” he whispers, even if it’s still light outside.

He doesn’t go home after that. He sticks around all night, despite Janis’ mother asking if he wants to go home. Neither one of her parents are surprised she fell asleep, telling him she’s tired a lot in the hospital. Her dad heaves a sigh before telling him that’s how they know it’s working. Damian nods, unsure of what else to say, and heads back to the living room. The idea of leaving her alone in there unsettles him for whatever reason.

He slides Cabaret into the DVD player, the volume at 2 and the subtitles on. At least if Janis does wake up, it’ll be to something she likes. For now he bounces between watching the movie and watching her until he gives up entirely. He changes spreads himself on the couch next to him, the light from his phone the only light on in the room. As he does start to doze off, a mere four hours after Janis, he starts thinking about what her dad said. If this is how they know everything’s working, then he can take it. Because it means she’ll be okay at the end.

[5sos-seavey]

You Don’t Have to Worry - Corbyn Besson

Corbyn Besson Imagine

Request: from anon - angst corbyn would include maybe him being jealous

Warning(s): some swearing

Word Count: 3314

Tags: @kvd963, @peachybeachyqueeny, @bessonbear (if you want to be tagged in all future fics let me know)

A/N: this is the longest one ive ever written so i hope yall like it :)

You and Corbyn haven’t been going out long, he had just asked you to be his girlfriend three months ago. So your relationship was still very new and you were still getting to know each other on deeper levels. You had actually just gotten out of a relationship a few months before you met Corbyn, and it didn’t end well. Turns out that he had been cheating on you with one of his ex’s. When you found out, you were heartbroken and ended it immediately. And when you met Corbyn it was like a light had come back into your life. You of course told him all about your ex and everything that happened, and that you haven’t spoken to him since the night you ended it. Even though you and Corbyn hasn’t been together long, you felt something different with him, something you hadn’t felt with any of your previous boyfriends, and you shared that with Corbyn nervous of how he’d react to that, but he told you he felt the same.

Today, you were in your apartment watching Netflix, just having a relaxing day since you had it off from work. And then Corbyn texted you;

Corbyn🥰: hey babe, what are your plans today Y/N: hii :) i was planning on just sitting at home all day watching Netflix or something, wanna join? Corbyn🥰: HELL YEAH i’ll leave now, see you soon!!!

You haven’t seen Corbyn in a few days because you were both busy working and it seemed like today would be a great day since neither of you had anything to do so you could just be together doing nothing.

Then you got a text, and thinking it was Corbyn you went to grab your phone quick. But boy were you ever mistaken. When you unlocked your phone you saw that it was your ex-boyfriend, Marcus. Wondering what he could possibly want, you unlocked your phone while rolling your eyes; Marcus: I think this has gone on long enough, don’t you??

There was no way you were responding, and even if you were, you would wait for Corbyn to get to your place and tell him. You know that if you responded you would just go off on him, so a level-headed Corbyn decision was something you could really use, even though you could already assume he would say to ignore it. And just like that, there was a knock on your door. You ran to go get it, and the second you opened the door you latched onto him and kissed his face all over, “well hello to you to Y/N, this is quite the way to be greeted, might have to request this for every time we see each other,” Corbyn laughed. Then you pulled away and smiled at him, “hi.” You’re both laughing now, and Corbyn holds your face between his hands and says “you missed a spot,” before he kisses you on the lips. “You gonna let me in or what?” You reached for his hand and pulled him into your apartment. “Do you want any snacks or a drink?” “What do you think I brought in my bag?”

You and Corbyn have been laying in your bed for about three hours just watching Netflix going back and forth between different shows either of you wanted to watch. Sometimes you’d have to pause it so he could go get more snacks or another drink. It was now just after 1pm and Corbyn said he wanted to order pizza which you did not object to, so you were waiting for it to arrive.

After watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother, there was a knock on the door, “must be the pizza, I’ll go get it,” you told Corbyn.

Corbyn’s POV

When Y/N got up to get the pizza, I paused our show and went to the kitchen to go get us plates and napkins. But before I left the room I heard one of our phones going off. Thinking it was my phone I went to grab it but soon realized that it was Y/N’s so I was going to go bring it to her. I wasn’t trying to snoop, but I took a look at who was trying to contact her so I could tell her, and that’s when I saw Marcus’ name. It said there were 6 text messages (because she has it so she can’t see the messages unless she unlocks her phone) and 3 missed calls. The worst started going through my head. I know that I should trust her, and I do, but after everything she’s told me about Marcus, I know how he can be. He cheated on her with his ex and now I’m scared he came back to Y/N and after everything they’ve been through, I can’t help but think she took him back. Thinking about all of this is making me upset and I don’t want Y/N to know. So I think I’m gonna have to leave soon.

I walked out to the kitchen now and got us plates while she was closing the door after talking to the person who delivered the pizza. I’m just gonna tell her now, “hey, I just got a call and said that I need to come do something as soon as I can, so I’m gonna have to go after we eat.” “Oh, that’s uh, that’s fine. What do you have to do?” Shit, I probably sounded so weird not giving her any information, but I guess I gotta stick with it, “uh they didn’t really say. Just that I needed to come back for something.” “Okay, well if you have to go, I can just pack you up some slices so you can lea–“ “No! I uh, I mean, it’s fine, I can stay to eat while we watch another episode of something, but then I’m gonna have to go.” “Okay, that’s fine.” Y/N’s being a little, I don’t know, but that’s probably because I’m acting super weird and suspicious, but I can’t help it.

After we ate, I headed back home and found all the boys watching a movie on the couch. “Hey guys,” I said catching their attention. Jack grabbed the remote and paused the movie as Jonah, Zach, Daniel and Eben said their hellos, but Jack spoke up, “what are you doing here? I thought you were spending the day with Y/N.” “Well that plan changed,” I started getting more upset about the situation. “What? Why,” Eben questioned. “She’s talking to her ex, Marcus, and I think they might be back together.” “Woah, that’s a pretty big accusation. What made you think that,” Jonah pushed. “I saw her phone, I wasn’t trying to do anything, I just heard it ring, and I was gonna bring it to her and then I saw that he was texting and calling her like crazy,” I was getting more and more frustrated as we kept talking about this. Jonah asked again, “well did you talk to her?” “No, I just said I needed to leave after we ate because you guys called me to do work on something.” “And what if she finds out you–“ Jack was cut off by Daniel, “she’s calling me. Do I have to lie to her with the excuse you used?” “Yes please, I don’t wanna deal with this right now.”

Your POV

“Hello?” “Hi Daniel.” “Hey what’s up?” “Corbyn was acting kinda weird when he told me he had to leave and the rest of the time he was here. Is everything okay, did he actually have to leave?” You were concerned and knew that Daniel was the person you could most turn to; you’re friends with all the boys, but you and Daniel are the closest, you have this brother/sister relationship and knew you could trust him. “Yeah yeah he’s fine. He just got here a few minutes ago and we were about to start working.” “So he’s good? Everything’s good?” “Yes Y/N,” Daniel laughed, “everything’s good. I’ll talk to you later, I gotta go.” “Okay bye Daniel.” “Bye Y/N.”

You felt a little better after that conversation. But you still couldn’t help but feel that something was off. You thought to yourself and think that the best thing to do if something is wrong, is to just leave it alone, and when Corbyn wants to talk, he’ll tell you. But letting him know you’re here to talk is always good, so you text him.

Corbyn’s POV

“Well what’d she say,” I asked Daniel. “Just if you were okay and wondered if you actually had to leave. Dude I think you should just tell her what you saw and ask her about it. I’m sure you’re just overreacting and that it’s nothing.” “You don’t know that! If what I think is happening, then that’s exactly what he did to her and I don’t want it happening to me!” “That’s exactly why you should talk to her as soon as possible,” Zach finally said. Then a phone went off, and it was mine, “she texted me.”

Y/N💕: hey, you seemed a little off earlier. i hope you’re okay, and that you know you can talk to be if anything is wrong. i’ll see you soon😌😘

I read the text aloud to the boys, “see dude, you’re the one being weird, I really don’t think anything is going on with her ex,” Eben told me. “I don’t know, I think I’m gonna need a few days to cool down.” “Are you gonna say anything to her though,” Daniel questioned. “No, because then she’s gonna be able to get it out of me,” I tell them honestly. “Dude, that’s not fair to her,” Jack responds. “Well if what I think is happening, it’s not fair to me.”

Then Daniel raises his voice, clearly getting mad at me, “but you don’t know if it’s happening so why are you gonna punish Y/N when you don’t even know the truth!” I know how close they are and how this puts him in an awkward situation, it puts all of them in an awkward situation, but I’m not ready to face this yet. But I raise my voice back at him, “because this is what’s gonna help me calm down! And you yelling at me definitely is not doing that, Daniel!” “Okay guys, we don’t need to have a screaming match, just talk calmly and reasonably,” Jonah stops us to say. “I don’t have anything left to say,” Daniel says and gets up to, what I though would be to walk upstairs, but he walks out the front door and leaves.

Daniel’s POV

I know Corbyn is gonna be upset if/when he finds out I came to Y/N’s, but I needed to talk to her. When I get to her door I knock a couple times and almost right away she answers, “hi– oh Daniel, hey, what are you doing here? I thought you guys had work to do?” “We do,” I say keeping up with the lie Corbyn told, even though I don’t know why, “I was just getting frustrated and wanted to come see you, we haven’t seen each other in a while. Can I come in?” “Yes, of course,” she says and let’s me come in and we sit on her couch. “Why are you frustrated? What happened?” “Corbyn.” “What? I thought you said he was fine? What’s wrong? Is he okay? Did something happen? Did he do something,” she bombards me with questions, which makes me laugh a little bit. “It’s only what he’s doing to himself, but it made me upset, and I needed to come tell you,” I say to her. “Daniel, you’re worrying me, what’s wrong with him?” “I think you need to talk to him. I don’t wanna get more involved than I already have made myself,” I tell her honestly. “Well is this something that should be done in person? Where is he?” “He’s at his house, I can take you, that’s where I just came from.” “Yes, please, let’s go.”

Your POV

You left your apartment with Daniel to go see Corbyn and for some reason you were quite nervous, “what should I be expecting? Is it bad?” “Kind of? Maybe? I don’t know exactly how to describe it.” “You’re making me more nervous than I already was Daniel. Why can’t you just tell me what’s happening?” “Because we’re at his house now and you should talk to him yourself,” Daniel said as he pulled into the driveway of Corbyn, Jonah and Eben’s house. As you were about to get out of the car, you noticed Daniel hadn’t even unbuckled his seatbelt yet, “aren’t you coming?” “I’ll come in a few minutes after you do. Corbyn and I were arguing and that’s why I came to you, I don’t want him to be more upset if he sees you come in with me, it’s bad enough he’s gonna find out I told you to talk to you when he wanted a few days to cool off.” That caught your attention and made you close the car door, “you never said anything about him wanting to cool off. What the hell happened to make him so upset, Daniel.” Now you were just irritated at whatever was going on. “Just go in and talk to him and work it out.” “Work what out though! I don’t know what’s wrong!” “He’ll tell you if you ask, he said if you came to him and asked if something was wrong you’d be able to get it out of him.” “Fine, whatever. I guess I’m about to find out anyways. See you in a few?” “Yeah, good luck, Y/N.”

And with that you walked out of the car and knocked on the door with Eben answering it quite quickly, “oh hey Y/N! Come in! You here to see Corbyn?” When you walked through the door you hugged Eben and replied, “yeah I am. How’ve you been though?” “Been good, yeah, thanks. It’s good you’re here, we told Corbyn he needed to talk to you.” “So he talked to you all about what’s wrong?” “Yeah he did,” he replied shyly. “Alright then,” you said a little annoyed now as well, “is he in his room?” “He went up there a few minutes ago, yeah.” “Okay thanks Eben,” you started walking up the stairs and remembered, “oh uh, Daniel’s in his car, he was worried that Corb would be more upset with him if he saw that Daniel came to get me to talk to him.” Eben laughed, “okay I’ll go get him.” “Thanks.”

When you got to Corbyn’s door you knocked lightly and he spoke up on the other side, “Jonah I don’t wanna hear it anymore just leave me alone.” “It’s not Jonah.” There was no response and then the door opened, “what are you doing here?” “Now couldn’t I ask you the same thing,” you said in a joking tone, “I was told I needed to come and talk to you.” “Let me guess, Daniel came to get you.” “Yes. But you can’t be upset with him, he wanted us to talk about whatever’s wrong even though everyone seems to know what it is but me.” “Wait, Daniel didn’t tell you?” You shook your head to say no. “Wow, I’m surprised.” “Well. Do you wanna tell me what everyone’s saying the issue is?” “Well I didn’t want to for a few days, I was actually gonna avoid you,” he admitted. “That’s what Daniel told me. But why? Corbyn what’s wrong?” “I saw your phone,” he finally said. You looked at him confused, “hun I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said honestly. “Please don’t make this worse than than it is and make me feel even worse too.” “Corbyn I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about, can’t you just tell me.” “Marcus.” It took you a second to realize until it hit you, “oh.” “Yeah. Oh. Now isn’t there something you need to tell me now?” You spoke softly now and went to hold his hands, “babe, it’s not what you think. I was going to tell you, but we were just having a relaxing day and it completely left my mind. He texted me before you got to my place, I don’t even remember what he said, but I didn’t respond, I wasn’t planning on it. I wasn’t planning on ever responding or talking to him again.” You could see on his face that he felt bad, “oh. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should’ve talked to you, I should’ve known you wouldn’t ever do that. I’m sorry.” He brought you into his chest, kissed your forehead and wrapped his arms around you, and you wrapping yours around his torso. “It’s okay, I should’ve remembered to tell you,” you say leaning upwards to kiss his jaw.

Corbyn took a step back from you and smiled, you returned it but laughed a little, “what?” He laughed back, “I just wanted to say that, uh,” he took a moment to pause, “I love you, Y/N. I think that’s probably why I was so scared and upset earlier and why I left your place. I had these feelings and I thought you were doubting it or didn’t even have any kind of feelings towards me anymore.” You were shocked. That was the first time he said that. “Y/N?” You realized that you were just staring blankly at him, so you laughed at yourself. “What’s so funny,” Corbyn said with a little bit of a joking tone. “Nothing,” you laughed, and then you stopped so you could speak again, “I love you too, Corbyn.” That’s when the biggest smile broke out onto his face, which made you mimic it. Then took a step towards you and kissed you. That’s when you heard whisper voices on the other side of the door, so you whispered to Corbyn, “do you hear that?” He laughed, “yeah for the last couple minutes.” “I wanna scare them and bang on the door.” Corbyn laughed again, “yes oh my god, let’s go.” You both walked closer to the door and Corbyn counted down from three on his fingers. And then you both slammed your hands on the door, earning screams from the other side. Then you opened the door and revealed the five idiots you and Corbyn claimed as friends. You and Corbyn were hunched over laughing when Zach finally spoke, “thank god he’s not mad anymore at least, angry Corbyn is my least favourite Corbyn.” This made you and the rest of the boys laugh even harder, except for Corbyn who acted like he was annoyed, but you could see he was hold in his laugh. “Are we done now? Because I’d like to spend time with my girlfriend,” Corbyn said to the boys. “Yeah, yeah, fine. Have fun,” Daniel said. And when they were on their way down the stairs Jack yelled back to you two, “but not too much fun!”

For the rest of the day you and Corbyn just laid in his bed watching movies and tv shows, with him just holding you, with the occasional kiss to the head and whispering of “I love you” between the two of you. Once it was late, you asked Corbyn for a ride home since Daniel was the one who drove you here. “No, you’re gonna stay here tonight Y/N,” he said to you and his grip tightened around you, scared that you were gonna get up and leave. You softly laughed, “okay Corb, I’ll stay.” You closed your eyes and then felt soft kisses to your head and Corbyn whispering more of “I love you.” And that night you both fell asleep peacefully and happy that the day ended better than he had began.

[aka-willow]

SHIELD

gif

Words: 1526

Characters: Willow Wren, Phil Coulson, Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz, Daisy Johnson

Prompt/Tag:

“Don’t touch me.”

“here’s a glass of whatever.”

Summary: Willow wakes up in an unfamiliar place

Timeline: March 2016

Song: Rocket Launch - Bear McCreary

A/N: ugh i love aos SO MUCH and i’d incorporate them more if the story allowed for it but i gotta pick my battles so to speak

—————————————————————————–

I woke up in another laboratory, machines beeping around me, and several needles stuck in my arm. I wanted them out, but when I tried to move, I realized I was strapped to this hospital bed as well. Again.

Don’t talk to these people. Don’t listen to what they say. This could still be enemy territory. As my eyes adjusted, I saw a few figures beyond the area I was being held in, discussing something at a lab bench. Both had accents and they bantered back and forth in short jabs. Just to test, I flexed my palms as much as I could, and at least try to summon a breeze. The papers on the nearby table fluttered, and it caught the attention of the people at the bench.

“Woah, hey, don’t do that,” said the man, holding up his hands. “Jemma, she’s awake.”

The other woman hurried over and checked one of the machines before reading notes off a tablet. “Hi,” she said, and even though it sounded friendly, her wide eyes indicated a measured caution. “You’re safe. You’re at a SHIELD base.” She pointed at herself. “Agent Simmons. And that’s Agent Fitz.” He gave a small wave. “How are you feeling?”

When I didn’t respond, she looked at Agent Fitz for help, but he looked equally uncomfortable. “I’ll let Coulson know,” Agent Simmons murmured. She typed out a message on the tablet and then put it down on a table. “Mine if I…?” she pointed to the IV line and I pulled my arm away as far as the straps would let me. Don’t touch me.

“I’m going to take it out,” Agent Simmons explained. I watched as she unstuck the tape and slide the needle out. “See? That wasn’t bad, was it?”

She hummed as she checked the other machines, occasionally shooting a look at the man. “You heal fast,” she commented. “But it’s lucky Coulson found you when he did.” Agent Simmons wrote a few more things down. “Never treated someone with wings before,” she said, almost to herself, and Agent Fitz cleared his throat, cutting her off.

“I’m going to undo these now,” Jemma said softly, gesturing to the restraints. “Can I trust you not to do anything?”

I looked around the lab, listened to the conversations in the hallway beyond. My ribs hurt when I breathed, and I had never felt so weak in my life. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

“Just... promise me you won’t pull out the needle in your other arm,” she said. “Please?”

I nodded once.

Someone knocked on the door frame of the lab and it was the same man who had come to Marty’s apartment, a time that felt like years ago now. Remember when that was my biggest worry?

“Miss Wren, it’s good to see you with us again. How are you? Phil Coulson, we’ve met before.” He pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed. “Agent Simmons said all your tests checked out. You’re going to recover just fine. I’m so sorry for what you went through there.”

So, what happens to me now? Where do I go from here? This is exactly what Jessica warned you about so long ago. I’m never getting out of here. I went from HYDRA to SHIELD. What’s the difference? I’m still trapped.

“When you’re ready, we’d like to assess you for the Index,” Coulson continued. I began to shake my head slowly. “Look,” he said. “We know. But this is the protocol. It’s for everyone’s safety.” There was so much he wasn’t saying—surely, he must have known about all those HYDRA agents and about Marty and who I was and what I had been doing. There was no way he didn’t know. The fact that it hadn’t been mentioned yet made me nervous. He offered a smile and then got up and walked over to where Agent Fitz and Agent Simmons were working, back at the lab bench.

“Has she spoken to you yet?”

“Not a word,” Agent Simmons replied. “She seems petrified.”

“Well, that can be expected.” He looked back over at me. “Stay with her. I’ve made some calls.”

“We should give her something to eat,” Agent Fitz offered. “She’s probably starving.”

Shortly after the conversation, I dozed off, and when I woke up, there was another familiar face in the doorway of the medical area, holding a tray and several wrapped items under her arm. Agent Johnson? Is that who it was?

“Hi,” she said. “Mind if I sit here?” She pointed to the space at the end of the bed. I shifted my legs and finally sat up, using the pillow as support. “Fitzsimmons thought it would be good for you to eat something. So, they recommended this from the canteen,” she said, holding out the tray, and I saw a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a bag of crackers, and a bowl of cut fruit. “But I got you some better things as well.” She produced a package of pop-tarts and two Rice Crispy Treats. “Don’t tell Jemma.”

I almost smiled, and she then placed a glass down on the table next to me. “And here’s a glass of whatever. She said it’s some sort of electrolyte thing. I don’t know. But it’s grape flavored.” I picked at the sandwich and pulled a small chunk out from the middle on one half, touching it to my lips and finally eating it. Somehow, it was the most delicious peanut butter and jelly I had ever tasted.

“You can call me Daisy, by the way. And you’re Willow, right? I remember meeting you.” She sighed. “Look, take it from me, these are genuinely good people. You can trust them. All right? I know you hardly know me, but I’ll promise you that if it makes you feel better.”

I looked up and made eye contact, but I didn’t say anything.

“Coulson says you have abilities, right?” She smiled. “I do, too. I know how weird this all seems, the Index, trying to control them, feeling like you have to hide. You don’t have to do that here, okay? We’ve all seen some pretty weird shit.”

I heard footsteps in the hallway beyond the lab and turned and watched the door, where about five seconds later, Agent Simmons entered again. “What are you doing bothering her?” she exclaimed to Daisy. “She needs her rest!”

“Nah, we’re friends already,” Daisy said. “Right?”

By now, neither of them seemed to expect a response. “I have to take one more blood sample,” said Agent Simmons. “Is that all right?”

I held out my arm and looked away as she poked it with the needle, which Daisy watched the scientist. “Jeez, she’s not going to have any left at this rate,” she joked.

“Coulson asked me to be thorough,” Agent Simmons huffed. “I’m sorry to keep sticking you like this,” she said to me. “We just wanted to make sure we don’t miss anything.”

They hung out longer, the two of them chatting back and forth as Agent Simmons ran the samples. Eventually, Agent Fitz returned to the lab as well and when I fell asleep again, the three of them were joking around about something one of their friends had done. I found myself wondering if Peter had gotten my message by now, if Ned knew what happened, or Jessica. What happens now?

Agent Johnson must have noticed me watching them, because she waved a hand, motioning me over. “You can sit over here if you’d like.” Agent Simmons shot her a look and Agent Johnson scoffed at her. “It’s just across the room.”

“Coulson said…”

“Her… uh… powers…” Agent Fitz interrupted.

“You’re not going to do your airbending or whatever, are you?” Agent Johnson asked me. “See? She’s fine. Come on.”

I slowly climbed out of the hospital bed and walked over to the lab bench they were sitting at, putting up a stool. I picked at a loose thread on the hospital gown while the others let me into the circle. They continued to talk about random things, missions, or whatever, pretending like I was a normal part of the conversation even though I still hadn’t said a word. The three of them stayed late until Agent Johnson got called away and Agent Simmons sent me back to bed, mock-horrified when she saw how late it had gotten.

“Shame they’re picking her up tomorrow,” I overheard Agent Fitz say as I lay my head down on the crinkly pillow. “Think Daisy likes having another powered person around. Even if she doesn’t say much.”

“Hasn’t said anything,” Agent Simmons murmured. “Don’t know how they plan to interview her tomorrow.”

Who’s coming tomorrow? And why? Where am I going now?

“You know, Romanoff used to be a SHIELD agent,” said Agent Fitz.

“Everybody knows that.”

“I didn’t in the beginning.”

“That’s because you’re clueless about those things.”

“Am not!”

I shut my eyes and tried to block out the rest of the lab and get some sleep. One hour at a time, even if I couldn’t imagine living the way I was anymore. One hour at a time. I didn’t care enough to escape, and I didn’t have anywhere to escape to. I was stuck with whatever this was, whoever was coming, even if I didn’t see the point in any of it. I’m not worth all this. I did what I set out to do. What happens next, I don’t care. If I had died at that base, that would have been okay, too. Maybe it would have been for the better.

[wickymicky]

2020 Comeback Ranking: April Update

oops im a couple days late lol

here’s a link to my last update: (x)

this is all just my opinion, of course. im not ranking these in terms of what the objective bests are, im just ranking which ones i personally like the most

Dreamcatcher - Scream: it’s been like two and a half months but there’s still nothing else like this song. dreamcatcher are my favorite group, so my expectations were high, but they didnt just live up to my expectations, they fucking shattered them lmao. i hoped the song would be good but how on earth could i have seen this coming? seriously, this is on a whole new level, this is unprecedented. i’m not exactly sure if it’s my favorite dreamcatcher song overall, but i’m in love with and in awe of this direction for them, and it’s without a doubt my favorite song of the year. usually when i listen to a song for the first time, even if it’s a comeback i stayed up all night for, from a group i really like, my first reaction is usually sort of “woah, i need to listen to that again to make sense of it”, but i remember my first reaction to scream was like... i was stunned, lol. every detail of it is exactly right, they nailed every square inch of this shit. i dont expect anything will surpass it for me this year lol, except maybe another dreamcatcher song haha

Cignature - Nun Nu Nan Na: what a fucking debut, lol. this is everything you could possibly ask for from a girl group banger in 2020. this song is way too anthemic for this piece of shit year though haha. i love pretty much every second, every detail, about this song... it’s such a breath of fresh air. it’s so catchy and yet has the dirtiest, gnarliest industrial synths throughout it, which is right up my alley, it’s an easy way to win me over 

Elris - Jackpot: speaking of catchy songs with gnarly production.... yeah so i had this on my list when it came out, but i had more than 10 songs on that list and it was number like 12 or something, and then last month i also had it outside my top 10, but it occurred to me that actually i like pretty much every part of this song, and that definitely makes it one of the best of the year lol. like i noticed that i was listening to it way more than a lot of songs that i previously had higher than it, haha. there’s a reason for that.. it’s cause this song is good oh and their bside This Is Me is worth mentioning too. i’m not doing a ranking of bsides this month because im tired rn, but like, if this song was a title track then it would be just as high as jackpot, probably. this song’s got some real momentum, damn... it’s just so satisfying. the dance break in the bridge isnt my favorite, but it doesnt ruin the song for me, and ive gotten pretty used to it. everything else in the rest of the song is perfect though. literally... literally perfect. that’s not hyperbole.

Dreamcatcher - Endless Night: who the fuck else would ever even consider doing a song like this, let alone nail it like they have... this style of metal or jrock is so cheesy but who the fuck cares lmao this song beats ass and that’s all there is to it

Izone - Fiesta: i love izone’s luxury edm, it’s such a cool style. and like, this is probably their strongest example of that style so far. well, it might not be as “luxury” as LVER or Violeta, but it’s their strongest edm so far, i think. and this music video is nuts... and the choreo is one of the most visually satisfying of the year too... just all around one of the best comebacks so far. which is weird, cause this was supposed to come out in 2019 lmao... i wonder where i would have placed it on a 2019 year end list.... hmmm

Cignature - Assa: this song, holy shit... they’re making a goddamn name for themselves and i love it. theyre a force to be reckoned with. i personally prefer Nun Nu Nan Na, but i really had to think about it, lol. i know i put others in between NNNN and Assa here on this list, but these are all fairly even and close together, tbh. i love that this song shows a different side to cignature while using the general sound from NNNN, with some lyrics in common as well... it really is a “debut lead single b” huh? 

Loona - So What: i cant think of anything to say right now that hasnt already been said haha. you all know this song and have strong opinions (one way or the other) on this song lol, we’re all orbits here

GFriend - Crossroads: you know, i don’t listen to this song nearly as much as the others here, but every time i do i wonder why i dont listen to it more often. it’s hard to explain, i just really like it. it’s warm. but also sad. but not slow, it’s not a slow sad song... it’s a warm sad song with some momentum to it, and it really hits me sometimes. but seriously every time i go to make one of these lists, i look at my previous list and go “really? crossroads? ive only listened to this like twice in the last month, i’m definitely not including it this time”, but then i listen to it again just to be sure and i go “oh yeah, i forgot, this song is really good”

hmmm... i’m having trouble thinking of two more that definitely deserve to be the remaining spots in my top 10... i can think of a lot of songs i love, but either i dont feel quite *that* strongly about them right now (but might in future months, like how jackpot rose in my ranking just cause i was really feeling it this last month), or it’s something i think deserves to be in my top 10 but i just dont really have anything to say about it right now, you know? like maybe its something i think is great, but i havent been listening to it that much lately, not as much as previous months anyway. either way, there’s just a bunch of songs i feel like could go in the last two spots and there arent any two individual ones that i really feel like i have to put there above the others, so i’ll just list them here as honorable mentions lol

honorable mentions / candidates for 9 and 10 (in alphabetical order)

3YE - Queen Apink - Dumhdurum Cherry Bullet - Hands Up Itzy - Wannabe NCT 127 - Kick It Pentagon - Dr Bebe Sunmi - Gotta Go Weki Meki - Dazzle Dazzle 

i love all of those, i highly recommend all of them, but i wouldn’t really know which two belong in the number 9 and 10 spots. my gut would say weki meki, pentagon, itzy, or nct, but obviously it cant be all four... and yeah, i’m just not sure. so i guess i only really have a clear top 8 this time around lol, that happens sometimes

[gumnut-logic]

Freckles

Fandomversary Fic Two - Alan and Family for @ak47stylegirl

Prompts go here

-o-o-o-

This was going to suck.

Alan taxied Tracy Two into her hangar and groaned. Thunderbird Two was up on her struts, over module four, obviously undergoing a maintenance cycle. Virgil would be on the floor and he had no hope of avoiding his brother.

Not going to stop him from trying though.

Post flight, a grab of his bags and he was sneaking.

Stealth Tracy. He could do it.

First things first, locate Virgil.

From where he was standing there was no sight of him.

“Hey, Alan. Good trip?”

He jumped and dropped his bags. “Hell, Gordon, give a guy a heart attack.”

His fish brother raised his hands in defence. “Well, excuse me. Next time I’ll send you a morse code welcome from the other side of the Island so I don’t disturb you.”

Alan let out a sigh. “Okay, I’m sorry. Great to see you, too.”

And Gordon was staring at him. “Are you hiding?”

“Gor-“

“What happened to your face?” And his sunnies were ripped off his nose. “Ho, ha, this is gonna be great.”

He grabbed his glasses from his brother and shoved them back on his face. “Shut up, Gordon.”

“Does Virgil know?”

“No, and I’m trying to keep it that way, so shut up.”

His brother grinned at him and held out a hand. “For a price.”

“Price? What price?”

“Help me flush Four’s sanitary systems.”

“Aw, god, Gordon, no! I’m not cleaning up your shit.”

“Heh, then I’m going to go get Virg and have a discussion about your face.”

“Gordon, please.”

“Nope, sanitary flushing or embarrassed blushing.”

“You suck.” He glared at his brother. “I’m going to remember this. Next time Scott is after you, don’t bother coming to me for help.”

For the briefest of moments, Gordon’s eyes widened before he regained his composure. “We’ll see about that. Have fun with Virgil.” The aquanaut wandered off.

Aaargh, Gordon could be such a...

Something clattered on the concrete on the far side of the hangar. Alan shrunk into Tracy Two’s shadow.

Okay. Let’s do this.

Grabbing his bags he slipped along the edge of the hangar until he reached the module train. Creeping around the far side of module six, he peered out the around its backend.

Virgil was hanging from Two’s thruster assembly, head buried in a hatch.

Okay, he might just be able to manage this.

Stepping lightly as possible, he crept past his brother towards the elevator.

“Hey, Alan, welcome back.”

Damn.

“Uh, hey, Virg.” He refused to look up and just waved casually, his heart beating like crazy. Maybe those several metres up in the air would save him.

“Did you have a good time.”

“Had a blast. Brandon sure knows how to throw a party.”

“So I heard.”

Heard? “Uh, I’m a bit tired I’m just going to go upstairs and unpack.”

“See you at dinner.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, and Alan.”

“Yeah?”

“Nice sunnies.”

He almost looked up. Almost.

“Uh, thanks. See you later.”

Not if he could help it.

He beelined for the elevator. One annoying brother avoided...mostly...one more to go.

The elevator was blessedly cool and he leant against the silvery wall while the car carried him up to the residential levels. God, he hoped he could make it to his rooms. He felt hot and just ugh.

The elevator stopped just short of his destination.

Damn.

The doors opened and he held his breath.

Brains and Max entered and the ride resumed.

“Max, honestly, I d-do not know w-what you were thinking.”

The robot sputtered at his creator, beeping madly.

“But that was G-Gordon. You h-have an entire d-directive listing regarding his behaviour. Y-you know not to do everyth-thing he asks.”

Another impertinent beep.

“That is exactly why you h-have an entire d-directive listing!”

Apparently they hadn’t even noticed he was there.

The elevator slowed at his level and he made a point of edging around Brains. Max beeped at him, but Brains had fallen silent, chin on hand, elbow on wrist, as if posing for a sculptor.

Alan didn’t care, he just wanted out of there and  threw himself around the corner.

Straight into Scott.

“Woah! Allie, welcome back! Hey steady there.” He wouldn’t admit it, but despite what he knew was about to happen and the suffering that would follow, it was good to see his eldest brother.

And kinda nice to be held by him too.

“What’s with the sunglasses?” He could almost count it down in his head. He looked up at those mirror image blue eyes and let his shoulders drop. This was so gonna suck. “Alan? What’s wrong with your face?”

His brother held both of his shoulders and peered at him. A moment and one hand gently peeled off the sunglasses. “Oh my god, Alan. What were you thinking?”

He let out a sigh. So busted. Who was he kidding. This was inevitable. “I guess I wasn’t thinking.”

“That much is very clear. You are going to the infirmary now.”

“Aw, Scott it isn’t that bad.”

“You have blisters, Alan!”

“I have?” He hadn’t really looked in a mirror since he left the Gold Coast. Brandon, of course, had laughed at him. It hadn’t seemed that serious. A bit of sunburn was all.

That’s what you get when you party all day in the Australian sun and forget your sunscreen.

Though come to think of it, he was feeling rather hot.

“Virgil, drop everything and meet me in the infirmary.”

“Aw, not Virg, really?”

Scott wrapped an arm around Alan’s shoulders and started to herd him towards the elevator. “He is the most qualified.”

“But it is only sunburn.”

The elevator doors closed behind them.

“Alan, you know I know you know all the symptoms of exposure, so don’t even bother.”

The arm around his shoulders was very gentle.

Virgil was standing in front of the elevator as the doors opened. How the hell he had gotten there so fast...but the expression on his second oldest brother’s face told him everything.

He hadn’t managed to sneak past at all. Virgil had been following him.

Nice sunnies indeed.

Virgil approached quietly, not saying a thing. One large finger reached up under Alan’s chin and tilted his head up gently. The medic sighed and a worried frown creased his brow.

But he didn’t say anything.

Virgil let him go and led them out of the elevator and into the infirmary.

Alan climbed onto the bed as directed and waited for the lambasting. After all, he knew he had been an idiot, and deserved every word.

“Where else?” Brown eyes were looking at him in concern.

“What?” Damn, he was hot.

“Where else did you get burnt.

“Oh, arms, hands, feet...and maybe my hair? Feels like my hair is on fire.”

“C’mon, lay down.” Scott was suddenly shoving a pillow under his head. The pillow was lovely and cool. His shoes were gently taken off and that was a relief in itself.

Virgil took his temperature and frowned even more. A glass of something was handed to him and he was told to drink. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was obviously something medical. It was cool on his throat.

Grandma appeared and as with everything Grandma, it was fussing, hugs and, well,...love.

“Did Brandon know you were burnt this badly?” Something pricked his hand and he discovered Virgil had stuck him with an IV bag. Was that really necessary?

Gordon barrelled in. “Hey, Brandon has you on his vlog!” His brother held up his phone and all the family turned to watch.

And Alan saw himself for the first time.

Sunburn panda.

Omigod.

Very sunburnt panda.

In front of twenty odd million viewers.

“Thunderbird Five.” It was Commander Tracy who spoke.

His middle brother blinked into existence beside the bed. “What can I...Alan? What the hell?!”

“John, hack the Bear’s feed. I want those images gone.” John’s turquoise eyes lingered on Alan for a moment, before narrowing on the feed spouting from Gordon’s phone.

His voice was almost menacing in reply. “FAB.”

He blinked out.

Twenty seconds later, the Bear feed went offline. Rather abruptly.

Gordon was staring at Alan. “Allie, what the hell did you do to yourself?” Obviously the hangar had been dark enough to conceal at least a little of his colouring. “Blisters?”

Virgil was hovering with some kind of medicated cream in his hands. The next moment was absolute bliss as his brother applied the ever so cool, numbing wonderment to his face. He literally sagged into the bed.

“I was so, so stupid.”

“Yes, you were.” Virgil’s voice was a reassuring rumble. “But at least we know you won’t do it again.”

“No, no I won’t.”

John blinked in again and Alan found himself surrounded by his family. As Virgil started applying the cream to his feet, Alan suddenly wondered why he had been trying to hide from these people. Sure there would be nagging, perhaps some laughter and good natured ribbing, but...

Grandma reached over and draped a damp cloth over his hair. “Feeling a bit better, dear?”

“Yes, Grandma.” It was only a bit of sunburn, but... “Thank you, guys.”

“Don’t do it again.” Scott, as always worried.

“Look after yourself better, Alan.” Virgil, always caring.

“Don’t make me keep an extra eye on you.” John, always watching.

“A panda! I’ve always wanted to see a panda!” Gordon, always loving.

Grandma gently brushed a stray hair off his forehead. “Rest, honey.” Always Mom.

His family.

-o-o-o-