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alexcollix7 · 1 year

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Sarah J Maas: plagiarism or inspiration

In this post we are going to discuss the various and stricking similaries between Sarah J Maas series TOG/ACOTAR with original books she admited to consume, as well as the use of direct lines from movies, books and tv shows in her books, and where do we draw the line in what we consider to be inspiration vs plagiarism.

As some people know, SJM is a big fan of Anne Bishop's work, especifically her Black Jewels trilogy. Some people already noticed similarities between the two series (and in her TOG books as well) in terms of storyline, races and characters, but it's not nearly talked about enough.

It's good to make clear that the first book of "the black jewels" was published in 1998 and the last one of the trilogy was published in 2000, over 12 years before acotar and TOG was even launched. So Bishop's work was around a long time before sjm started to publish her books.

That being said, let's start with the fact that the beginning of her first series TOG is pratically the same as the beginning of the second book of The Black Jewels, Heir to the Shadows, but with a different character:

"After a year of slavery in the Salt Mines of Endovier, Celaena Sardothien was accustomed to being escorted everywhere in shackles and at sword-point. Most of the thousands of slaves in Endovier received similar treatment—though an extra half-dozen guards always walked Celaena to and from the mines. That was expected by Adarlan’s most notorious assassin. What she did not usually expect, however, was a hooded man in black at her side—as there was now" (TOG, 2012)

"Surrounded by guards, Lucivar Yaslana, the half-breed Eyrien Warlord Prince, walked into the courtyard, fully expecting to hear the order for his execution. There was no other reason for a salt mine slave to be brought to this courtyard, and Zuultah, the Queen of Pruul, had good reason to want him dead. Prythian, the High Priestess of Askavi, still wanted him alive, still hoped to turn him to stud. But Prythian wasn't standing in the courtyard with Zuultah." (Heir to the Shadows, 1999).

So, Sarah's first work begins with a paragraph that is already really really similar to the first one in Bishop's second novel.

Now, let's then move on to the part that shocked me the most and made me sure of doing this post: The extreme and undeniable resemblance between the Illyrians with the Eyriens, a race portrayed in Bishop's Black Jewels books, who one of the main characters, Lucivar (coincidentally or not, Sarah's favorite one) is a part of.

The Eyriens are described to be warriors with tanned skin, gold eyes, and "batlike wings". Eyrien males are trained in hunting camps as children, and the females are forbidden to touch weapons. They are often found in a mountainous territory called "Askavi Terreille", and carry prejudice against half-eyriens. Does all that sounds familiar?

The Illyrians are so much like the Eyriens, it's not even funny. They have bat-like wings, the males are trained in camps, live by the mountains, have their own personalized weapons, and the females are usually mistreated and not allowed to fight. And what does Rhysand suffer from them? Prejudice, because he's half illyrian. Even their physical characteristics are the same: golden brown skin, hazel eyes, black hair. What mainly sets on them apart is their names (which still sound pretty similar) and the fact that the illyrians have tattoos.

"He spread his dark, membranous wings, trying to ease the ache in his back." ( Daughter of the blood, page 12)

"Indeed, it was still Rhysand’s face, his powerful male body, but flaring out behind him were massive black membranous wings—like a bat’s, like the Attor’s" (ACOTAR, page 348)

"Still, it was home, and centuries of enslaved exile had left him aching for the smell of clean mountain air, the taste of a sweet, cold stream, the silence of the woods, and, most of all, the mountains where the Eyrien race soare" (Daughter of the blood, page 16)

"The Illyrians … We love our people, and our traditions, but they dwell in clans and camps deep in the mountains of the North" (ACOMAF, page 165)

"He had never felt this weary, this beaten. Not as a half-breed boy in the Eyrien hunting camps, not in the countless courts he'd served in over the centuries since" (Heir to the darkness, page 13)

“When I turned eight, my mother brought me to one of the Illyrian war- camps . To be trained, as all Illyrian males were trained" ( ACOMAF, page 168)

”She kept resisting because Eyrien females traditionally didn’t touch a warrior’s weapons" (Queen of the darkness, page 151).

“Some camps issued decrees that if a female was caught training, she was to be deemed unmarriageable. I can’t fight against things like that, not without slaughtering the leaders of each camp and personally raising each and every one of their offspring.” (ACOMAF, page 434)

”There are reasons why Eyrien males are the warriors— Lucivar said, his eyes skimming over the women as he paced slowly down the line and back again.— We’re bigger, stronger, and we have the temperament for killing. You have other strengths and other skills. Most of the time, that works out well." (Queen of Darkness, page 156)

“The Illyrians— Rhys smoothly cut in, that light finally returning to his gaze — Are unparalleled warriors, and are rich with stories and traditions. But they are also brutal and backward, particularly in regard to how they treat their females.” (ACOMAF, page 166)

"She wanted to cut the wings off, raise the boy as Dhemlan maybe. But he said no, in his soul the boy was Eyrien, and it would be kinder to kill him in the cradle than to cut his wings" (Daughter Of The Blood, page 138)

“I banned wing-clipping a long, long time ago, but … at the more zealous camps, deep within the mountains, they do it." (ACOMAF, page 434).

"But they’re good boys, and they’ll carry their weight. And they are full-blooded Eyriens — he added.

— So they don’t carry the stigma of being half-breeds? — Lucivar asked with deadly control." (Queen of the Darkness, page 39)

"He gave Rhys command of a legion of Illyrians who hated him for being a half-breed" (ACOMAF, page 136)

"Then he called in his Ebon-gray Jewels and the wide leather belt that held his hunting knife and his Eyrien war blade" (Heir to the shadows, page 257)

"I went from physical defense to learning to wield an Illyrian blade, the weapon so fine, I’d nearly taken Cassian’s arm off." (ACOMAF, page 367)

Some people can look at this as simple inspiration, but others consider the races to be almost identical. Their prejudices, the place they live, the place where they train and how they train being the same, with only a few minor key points being changed.

In Bishop's work men and women are adressed and divided as "males" and "females". Their society is based the existence of jewels, where the darker someone's jewel is, the more powerful that person becomes.

The jewels are close to what SJM called siphons, used by the illyrians. They are a representation of the powers of members of the blood, serve as containers, and vary in colors. Siphons, however, are literally jewels who filter Illyrians powers, manipulating magic. Members of the blood can have more than one jewel, and illyrians can have more than one siphon.

"An uncut Jewel is a rare thing, little Sister — Titian said, removing something from the box. — Wait until you know who you are before you have it set. Then it will be more than a receptacle for the power your body can't hold; it will be a statement of what you are." (Daughter of the blood, page 71)

"He held up his hands, the backs to me so both jewels were on full display.— They’re called Siphons . They concentrate and focus our power in battle.” (ACOMAF, page 162)

"The Black-Jeweled ring on his right hand glittered with an inner fire." (Daughter of the blood, page 39)

"Siphons atop his scarred hands flickered like rippling blue fire as he reached for the Attor." (ACOMAF, page 262)

" Your fingers clenched around that Jewel. There was a flash of Red light, and the guards were flung backward." ( Daughter of the blood, page 136)

"Cassian lifted his hand into the air. Red light exploded from his Siphon, blasting up and away" (ACOMAF, page 543)

"Her strength was gone. The Jewel hungaround her neck, dark and empty" (Daughter of the blood, page 399)

"Azriel’s blue Siphons were dull, muted. Utterly empty." (ACOMAF, page 554)

The Blood possess some ability to sense and mask their psychic scent. The conception of "scent" not only acts as a way for them to recognize each other, but also sense their emotions, and seems to be highlighted between couples, with Daemon for using it in order to fantasize or look for Jaenelle. That matches perfectly SJM's universe where the Fae are able to feel each others scents, sensing their emotions through it, it being stronger between mated couples:

"The psychic scent was almost gone, but he recognized it. A dark scent. A powerful, terrifying, wonderful scent. He breathed deeply, and the lifetime hunger in him became intense".(Daughter of the blood, page 178).

"Like the body that housed it, a witch's psychic scent had a muskiness that a Blood male could find as arousing as the body—if not more so" (Daughter of the blood, page 184)

His scent drifted to her, darker, muskier than usual. She’d bet all the money she didn’t have that it was the scent of his arousal. (ACOSF, page 235)

"A room where she had slept would still be strong with her psychic scent, even if it had been cleaned" (Daughter of the blood, page 182)

"Cassian had flown back up to the House. And found the oak door to the stairs open, Nesta’s scent lingering." (ACOSF, page 99)

"No psychic scent of emotions for the guards to play with as they put the sobbing man into the old, one-man boat." (Daughter of the blood, page 149)

"He didn’t need to use a psychic probe to know who was on the other side of the door. The scent of her fear was sufficient." (Queen of the darkness, page 120)

"Their faces were vacant. Not a trace of fear in them, or in their scents." (ACOSF, page 344)

"Those of us who have would notice the similarities in your psychic scents and reach the correct conclusion" ( Queen of Darkness, page 114)

"He didn’t believe me. So he grabbed Catrin, because our scents were nearly identical, you see" (ACOSF, page 652)

The basic unit of Blood society and government is a Queen and her Court. To create a Court, she must be at the age of majority and have twelve males who agree to be in her First Circle. Jaenelle creates hers in the second book, who is denominated as the "dark court". How is Rhysan's court called? The night court. How is his unity of power named? "the inne circle". Rhysand's court is also referred as "the court of dreams", and Jaenelle is called "dreams made flesh".

"He hoped she'd be pleased to have the use of this place. He hoped he'd be invited when she established her own court. He wanted to see whom she selected for her First Circle" (Daughter of the Blood page 92)

"They’re Rhysand’s Inner Circle.The ones I’d heard mentioned that day at the Night Court—who Rhys kept going to meet." (ACOMAF, page 135)

"The living myth— Saetan whispered.— Dreams made flesh— His throat tightened. He closed his eyes." (Heir to the shadows, page 459)

“And what is this court? — I asked, gesturing to them. The most important question.

It was Cassian, eyes clear and bright as his Siphon, who said — The Court of Dreams.”

Remember Lucivar? The main Eyrien character? Well, it doesn't help sjm's case that he's incredibly similar to Cassian:

Because he's an eyrien, Lucivar was raised as a warrior and has bat wings, together with gold eyes and tanned skin. He also has long black hair and is considered to be well-built. Initially his jewels are birthright red, and later they descent into being ebon grey. Just like his father, he is known as having an explosive temper who often lead him to trouble. Thanks to him not being recognized by Saetan initially, Lucivar is seen as a bastard. This is not at all far from how Cassian is written.

Let's also keep in mind: Lucivar is also responsable for recruting and training Eyrien warriors in the Dark Court, later training the women who live in Ebon Askavi (which, as I will show later, is almost identical to the House of Wind).

Cassian's tragetory is marked by him being underlooked as a "bastard" and not being able to control his temper, and that is further developed in acosf. His appereance is carbon-copy of Lucivar (the only difference being that his eyes are hazel), and his siphons are red. He also happens to train illyrian warriors, and later Feyre, Nesta and the other priestesses from the library. Like Lucivar has a brotherly bond with Jaenelle and waits for her to be his queen, Cassian has a brotherly love for Feyre and respects her as his high lady:

"Unlike the other slaves who couldn't contain their misery or fear, there was no expression in Lucivar's gold eyes" (Daughter of the Blood, page 13)

"Like their High Lord, the males—warriors—were dark-haired, tan-skinned. But unlike Rhys, their eyes were hazel and fixed on me as I at last stepped close" (ACOMAF, page 155)

"She looked so pale against his light-brown skin, and he knew it wasn't simply because she was fair-skinned" (Daughter of the blood, page 19)

"She watched his light brown fingers play against her pale skin" (ACOSF, page 367)

"The man wore a leather vest and the black, skintight trousers favored by Eyrien warriors. His black hair fell to his shoulders, which was unusual for an Eyrien male. [..] A wild joy filled Daemon, even as his heart clogged his throat and tears stung his gold eyes. Lucivar." (Queen of the Darkness, page 45)

"Cassian surveyed Rhys from head to foot, his shoulder-length black hair shifting with the movement" (ACOMAF, page 155)

"Because he was a half-breed bastard, he had no hope of attaining a position of authority within a court, despite the rank of his jewels" (Daughter of the Blood, page 17)

"I can tell you how I hear Eris and Devlon and the others talk and, deep down, I still believe that I am a worthless bastard brute. That it doesn’t matter how many Siphons I have or how many battles I’ve won" (ACOSF, page 434)

"Tears stung Lucivar's eyes. Why, Daemon? What did she do to deserve being hurt like that? His voice rose. He couldn't stop it. She was the Queen we had dreamed of serving. We had waited for her for so long. You butchering whore, why did you have to kill her?" (Heir to the shadows, page 31)

"He’d thought about that painting a great deal in the days afterward—how it had made him feel, how close they’d all come to losing their High Lady before they’d ever met her." (ACOSF, page 43)

"Because he was a trained Eyrien warrior and had a temper that was explosive even for a Warlord Prince" (Daughter of the blood, page 16)

"Cassian was lounging in his chair, a glass of wine in his hand, staring at nothing. A brooding warrior-prince, contemplating the death of his enemies." (ACOSF, page 275)

"He could have caught him on the first pass. The young one will have to concede the battle, but it’ll stay in his mind that he put up a good fight. No, Lucivar understands how to train an Eyrien warrior.” (Queen of Darkness, page 103)

"Cassian prayed that the gods were watching over him as Rhys sipped from his tea and said,

—You’re ready?

He leaned back in his seat. — I’ve gotten young warriors in line before." (ACOSF, page 43)

There's even a line when Lucivar is training the women in ebon askavi that hits very close to one used when Cassian is training the priestesses:

”If you can become half as proficient with this as she is, you’ll be able to take down any male except an Eyrien warrior — Falonar said slowly. — And you’ll be able to take down half of them as well.” (Queen of the darkness, page 158)

"Cassian continued to train Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn. The rain didn’t let up, and they were all soaked, but the exertion kept the bite of the cold away.— So this can really down a male in one move? [...] He concentrated on the females in front of him. — This move will knock anyone unconscious if you hit the right spot.” (ACOSF, page 385)

Daemon, his brother, is too very similar to Rhysand. He has the reputation of a sadist, after being tortured and used as slave in the hands of Dorotothea, close to how Rhys was known as a cruel fae who had to serve Amarantha (the way they a called is also pretty much the same, as well, being referred as their "pet" or "whore"). Daemon believes to be destined to Jaenelle, even before meeting her, sometimes feeling her touch, and dreaming or her, just like Rhysand talks about knowing Feyre was his mate, and dreaming of her before they met. He, like Saetan, Jaenelle, and Lucivar, is a black widow: which means he can access people's minds and thoughts, as well as communicate telephatically, exactly how daemanti in acotar have the ability to do.

"His face was a gift of his mysterious heritage, aristocratic and too beautifully shaped to be called merely handsome. He was tall and broad-shouldered. He kept his body well toned and muscular enough to please. His voice was deep and cultured, with a husky, seductive edge to it that made women go all misty-eyed. His gold eyes and thick black hair were typical of all three of Terreille's long-lived races, but his warm, golden-brown skin was a little lighter than the Hayllian aristos—more like the Dhemlan race." (Daughter of the blood, page 24)

"I stepped out of the shelter of my savior’s arm and turned to thank him. Standing before me was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. Everything about the stranger radiated sensual grace and ease. High Fae, no doubt. His short black hair gleamed like a raven’s feathers" (ACOTAR, page 193)

"I had no answer to that—to the tenor in his rich, deep voice. So I examined the tattoos on his chest and arms, the glow of his tan skin , so golden now that he was no longer caged inside that mountain." (ACOMAF, page 289)

"Daemon smiled that cold, cruel smile. "Now you know what it's like to get into bed with Hayll's Whore." (Daughter of the blood, page 77)

"Lucien interrupted — What do you know about anything? You’re just Amarantha’s whore.

— Her whore I might be, but not without my reasons.” (ACOTAR, page 239)

"In his soul, he knew her. In his dreams, he saw her. He never envisioned a face. It always blurred if he tried to focus on it. But he could see her dressed in a robe made of dark, transparent spidersilk, a robe that slid from her shoulders as she moved, a robe that opened and closed as she walked, revealing bare, night-cool skin. And there would be a scent in the room that was her, a scent he would wake to, burying his face in her pillow after she was up and attending her own concerns." (Daughter of the Blood, page 27)

“Three years ago, he said quietly, — I began to have these … dreams [...] The images were foggy, like looking through cloudy glass. They were brief—a flash here and there, every few months. I thought nothing of them, until one of the images was of a hand … This beautiful, human hand. Holding a brush. Painting—flowers on a table.” (ACOMAF, page 504)

“I saw you through your dreams—and I hoarded the images [...] I’d wake up with your scent in my nose, and it would haunt me all day, every step." (ACOMAF, page 505)

"There was a bitter taste in Daemon's mouth. The ashes of dreams. After all, he was Hayll's Whore, a pleasure slave, an amusement for the ladies no matter what their age, a way to pass the time" (Daughter of the blood, page 267)

"And he would be at that table in the town house, roaring with laughter—never again cold and cruel and solemn. Never again anyone’s slave or whore" (ACOMAF, page 497)

"You're my Queen,he thought fiercely. His body ached. She was his Queen. But with her family surrounding them, watching, there was nothing he could say or do to help her" (Daughter of the blood, page 360)

"My equal in every way; she would wear my crown, sit on a throne beside mine. Never sidelined, never designated to breeding and parties and child-rearing. My queen." (ACOMAF, 598)

"He caught her wrists, holding her off with an ease that made her scream. He hit the Black shields on her inner barriers hard enough to make her work to keep them intact, but they wouldn't keep him out for long." (Daughter of the blood, page 302)

"My innate talents allow me to slip through the mental shields of anyone I wish, with or without that bridge—unless they’re very, very strong, or have trained extensively to keep those shields tight." (ACOMAF, page 59)

At some point Daemon is even called Jaenelle's mate:

"He’s here! Jaenelle’s mate is finally here! Daemon felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him" (Heir to the shadows, page 117)

His position and title of highlord is parallelled a lot by how Saetan is decribed:

"High Lord of Hell, the Prince of the Darkness, the most powerful and dangerous Warlord Prince in the history of the Blood" (Daughter of the darkness, page 266)

"For what it’s worth, I’m the most powerful High Lord in Prythian’s history" (ACOMAF, page 145)

Moving on to other similarities, Ebon Askavi, known as the black mountain or "the keep", who is put as a sanctuary, keeping a library containing the history of the blood, matches the form in which the house of wind is developed in sjm's books, with the palace also being embedded into a mountain. The Keep is a safe place where the high lord of hell reserves for the demon dead to rest, same as Rhysand turning the library into a home for the priestesses. And the whole Bryaxis situation? A creature who lives in the pit of the library? Well, Ebon askavi used to be the home of the prince of dragons: Lorn, who guess what? Used to reside beneath it. Finally, Bishop literally describes the palace as the place where "The winds meet".

"Saetan limped across the empty courtyard to the huge, open-metal doors embedded into the mountain itself, rang the bell, and waited to enter the Keep, the Black Mountain, Ebon Askavi, where the Winds meet. It was the repository for the Blood's history as well as a sanctuary for the darkest-Jeweled Blood. It was also the private lair of Witch" (Daughter of the blood, page 59)

"Draca led him through the corridors of Ebon Askavi toward a large stairwell that descended into the heart of the mountain." ( Daughter of the blood, page 431)

“Her throat closed at the surge of memories and at the sprawling view—the glimmering ribbon of the Sidra far below, the red-stoned palace built into the side of the flat-topped mountain itself." (ACOSF, page 49).

“I made this library into a refuge for them. Some come to heal, work as acolytes, and then leave; some take the oaths to the Cauldron and Mother to become priestesses and remain here forever" (ACOWAR, page 212)

"She still served the Keep itself, looking after the comfort of the scholars who came to study, of the Queens who needed a dark place to rest" (Daughter of the Blood, page 61)

"— Who was here before them?

— A few cranky old scholars, who cursed me soundly when I relocated them to other libraries in the city. They still get access, but when and where is always approved by the priestesses.” (ACOWAR, page 213)

“There is a creature beneath the library. Do you know it?

Amren shut the book.

— Its name is Bryaxis.

— What is it.

— You do not want to know, girl.” (ACOWAR, page 452).

"Mother Night, Saetan — Geoffrey said, his breathing ragged. — The Keep is his lair.

He's been here all the time.

He hadn't expected Lorn to be so big. "(Heir to the shadows, page 476)

As for Amren being a unknown creature who was tuned into a faerie and lived centuries before everyone else? Same thing as Draca. She lived by the time Dragons ruled the world and was later turned into something "human", assisting the high lord of hell:

"When only the Queen and her Prince, Lorn, were left, the Queen bid her Consort farewell [...] When the last scale fell from her, she vanished. Some stories say her body was transformed into some other shape, though it still contained a dragon's soul" (Heir to the shadows, page 375).

"— Why won’t Amren go in here?

— Because she was once a prisoner.

— Not in that body, I take it.

A cruel smile.

— No. Not at all.” (ACOMAF, page 185)

"Spiraling? — Geoffrey thought for a moment and shook his head. — No, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. Ask Draca. Compared to her, you're still in the nursery and I'm just a stripling." (Daughter of the blood, page 243)

"In the countless millennia they had existed here in Prythian, Rhys—Rhys with his smirking and sarcasm and bedroom eyes ...And Amren was worse. And older than five thousand years." (ACOMAF, page 145)

"When they had first arrived at the Keep, Lucivar had given him a cryptic warning: Draca is a dragon in human form.The moment he’d seen the Seneschal, he’d understood what Lucivar meant. Her looks, combined with the feel of great age and old, deep power, had fascinated him." (Queen of the darkness, page 252)

"Because even though the short, delicate woman looked like High Fae … as Rhys had warned me, every instinct was roaring to run. To hide. [...] But Amren’s eyes …Her silver eyes were unlike anything I’d ever seen; a glimpse into the creature that I knew in my bones wasn’t High Fae. Or hadn’t been born that way." (ACOMAF, page 158)

"Draca asked. Her unblinking reptilian eyes revealed nothing" (Daughter of the blood, page 431)

You can also find some of the names of characters and places of Anne Bishop's books in Sarah J Mass ones. For instance: Sarah admited Prythian was a trick on Pryddain from the chronicles of Pryddain but that she couldn't put the original name because it belonged to Phillip Alexander, so she choose Prythian. But one of the high priestesses in Bishop's trilogy is indeed named Prythian.

"Prythian, Askavi's High Priestess, couldn't leash his temper enough to serve witches he despised" (Daughter of the blood, page 16)

If you look at the titles of some of the TOGs books, you realize they are alike Anne Bishop's as well:

The thing is: where do we draw the line when it comes to inspiration in books? It's common to have some similarities between author's works, however, to have that many in lines, places, plots, on top of races and characters who are nearly identical to the ones someone created fourteen years before you? I don't know.

I don't appreciate Bishop's work, in fact, I suffered a lot to go through the trilogy, for problems like: explicit sexual violence, mutilation, and worst of all grooming (Daemon meets his so called soulmate when she's a child, and he kisses her when she's 12), which literally made feel sick, but, is clear Bishop came up with a lot of things a long time before SJM did.

Because her series of books came out by the 2000, most of sjm's target audience doesn't know Bishop's work, making it very easy to avoid comparison. This is one of the reasons why this situation becomes a big problem, because most of her fans think SJM work is totally original, and that she came up with 99% of the concepts by herself.

Besides the black jewels, Sarah was said to have taking scenes, plots and quotes from other original productions/books, like the lord of the rings (which she's also a huge fan):

For example, The White Tree of Gondor and Kingsflame.

The White Tree of Gordon only blooms when the rightful ruler sits on the throne. Coming to later bloom in Aragorn's coronation:

"And so the kingdom of Gondor sank into ruin, the line of kings failed, the white tree withered and the rule of Gondor was given over to lesser men."

Kingsflame, however, it’s a magical flower that first bloomed when Brannon arrived, proof that was a good king:

"since those ancient days, only single blossoms had been spotted, so rare in their appearance that their appearance was deemed a sign that the land had blessed whatever ruler sat on Terrasen’s throne. (KOA 686)"

Similarly, the flower also blooms after Aelin’s Coronation:

Across every mountain, spread across the green canopy of Oakwald, carpeting the entire Plain of Theralis, the kingsflame was blooming. (KOA 984)

We also have the scene when Haldir arrives at helms deep:

"I bring word from Elrond of Rivendell. An alliance once existed between Elves and men. Long ago we fought and died together. We come to honor that allegiance."

While Manon says this in KOA:

"Long ago the Crochans fought beside Terrasen, to honor the great debt we owed the Fae King Brannon for granting us a homeland."(KOA, page 693)

And don't forget, Aragorn saying:

"My friends, you bow to no one"

While Rhysand says this in ACOWAR:

"You bow to no one, was all he replied"

Don't forget, the conversation between Theoden and Gamling in the Two Towers movie:

"Theoden: Who am I, Gamling?

Gamling : You are our king, sire.

Theoden : And do you trust your king?

Gamling : Your men, my Lord, will follow you to whatever end.

Theoden : To whatever end... "

Followed by this conversation between Rowan and Aelin:

“—To whatever end? — she breathed.

Rowan followed her, as he had his entire life, long before they had ever met, before their souls had sparked into existence. —“To whatever end, Fireheart.”

We also have other examples, like treasure island:

"Look at you! Glowing like a solar fire. You're something special, Jim. You're gonna rattle the stars, you are!" (Treasure Island-2003)

"You could rattle the stars," she whispered. "You could do anything, if only you dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That’s what scares you most. "( TOG page 385, chapter 54)

ASOIAF:

A quite similar phrase to "Queen that was promised" was used in GRRM’s ASOIAF, where an ancient prophecy talked about a "Prince who was promised", later it being reveleaded that they expected a boy, but the title was said to fall to Daenarys Targaryen (a queen). This is mentioned in " A dance of dragons" which was published in 2011. This prince is also mentioned as being “the Heir of Fire”.

"Westeros must unite beneath her one true king, the prince that was promised, Lord of Dragonstone and chosen of R'hllor" ( A dance with dragons, 2011)

"Perhaps it had all been for nothing. The Queen Who Was Promised" (KOA, page 121, 2018)

"He is fire made flesh, she thought, and so am I." (A dance with dragons, page 949, 2011)

"Fire - he reminded her of fire made flesh." (ACOWAR, 2017)

Harry Potter is added to list, as well:

Dumbledore: Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love. (HP and the deathly hallows, page 705, 1997).

Rhysand: Be glad of your human heart, Feyre. Pity those who don’t feel anything at all. (ACOTAR, page 418, 2012).

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." (Harry Potter and the prisioner of Azkaban, 2004)

“Light can be found even in the darkest of hells” (ACOWAR, page 577, 2017)

The movie spirit:

Little Creek: Take care of her, Spirit-who-could-not-be-broken (Spirit, 2002)

Nehemia: I name you Elentiya, ‘Spirit That Cannot Be Broken.' (TOG, page 44)

Shadow and Bone:

The quote "like calls to like" explains one of the most important plot points in shadow and bone, the first book was published in 2012, and Sarah was mentioned in Leigh's acknowledgments as the person who gave her first review. She had used "magic calls to magic" before in throne of glass in 2012, yet the book was published in august, while Shadow and Bone came out before, in june. The principle of "like calls to like" in her books was mentioned by the time ACOMAF came out, in 2016, four years later. It was also used to describe attraction to objects of power, which follows Bardugo's concept.

Shadow and Bone: The grounding principle of the Small Science was “like calls to like" (page 113)

ACOMAF: The box—the Book—was silent. Then it said, Like calls to like (page 350)

“The Grisha claims the amplifier, but the amplifier claims the Grisha, as well. Once it is done, there can be no other. Like calls to like, and the bond is made.” (page 130)

The movie troy:

"Menelaus : Prince? What prince? What son of a king would accept a man's hospitality, eat his food, drink his wine, embrace him in friendship, and then steal his wife in the middle of the night?

Paris : The sun was shining when your wife left you." (Troy, 2004)

“If you hadn’t stolen my bride away in the night, Rhysand, I would not have been forced to take such drastic measures to get her back.

I said quietly, The sun was shining when I left you.” (ACOWAR, page 396, 2017)

The Land before Time:

"Some things you see with your eyes. Other things you see with your heart." ( The Land before Time 1988)

"Some things you hear with your eyes. Other things you hear with your heart."( Crown of Midgnight, page 168, 2011)

Mulan:

"Shan Yu: How many men does it take to deliver a message?

The other Hun: One.

The Hun proceeds to shoot one of the imperial soldiers with an arrow." (Mulan, 1998)

“But it seems like tonight isn’t really your night, Elide said to the ilken, lifting the hatchet again over a shoulder. The ilken might have been whimpering as she smiled grimly.—Because it only takes one to deliver a message. And your companions are already on their way.

The axe fell.

Flesh and bone and blood spilled onto the stones.” (Empire of Storms, page 455, 2016)

There's more to show about the black jewels, but this posts is already huge, so I'm going to finish by talking a little bit about her new series: Crescent city, which people already pointed out to be similar to another series she also talked about before: The Fever series by Karn Marie Moning, published in 2007. Now, I don't think is the same case as the black jewels, because crescent city does follow a much more different story, but is still have matching characters and main storyline.

Darkfever tells the story of MacKayla, a girl who seemingly had a perfect life. After the murder of her sister, she sees herself obligated to make an alliance with the mysterious Jericho in order find her killer, whilst exploring her sidhe-seer powers. Crescent city, on the other hand, is also about a girl losing people close to her: her best friend and her crush, then deciding to solve their deaths by teaming up with the fallen angel Hunt.

Mackayla is a sidhe seer, a person who can see fae, and ends up in the book series as their queen, while Bryce is half fae. They are both extremely attractive girls, who love to party and take good care of their appereance. Jericho, however, is a handsome, tough supernatural being who resources to Mac in order to find answers, ending up getting involved with her. Lastly, Hunt is a fallen angel, who needs to make sure Bryce cooperates with the investigation, and develops feelings for her.

"My sister's whole body had holes in it, Inspector! Not just her arms! The coroner said they looked like teeth marks! — Not of any person or animal he'd been able to identify, though.— And parts of her were just fora!— I was shaking. I hated the memory. It made me sick to my stomach" (Dark Fever, page 71)

"She knew in her bones it was not a hallucination, what lay on that bed, knew in her bones that what bled out inside her chest was her heart. Danika lay there. In pieces" (Crescent City, page 74)

"Grieving wasn't going to bring her back, and it sure wasn't going to make me feel better about whoever'd killed her walking around alive out there somewhere, happy in their sick little psychotic way, while my sister lay icy and white beneath six feet of dirt" (Dark Fever, page 10)

"Briggs planned to hurt people, and he deserved to be in jail, but—he’d been wrongly accused of the murder.Danika’s killer was still out there" (Crescent City, page 145)

"I think I just finally expelled the last drop of moisture from my body that wasn't absolutely necessary to keep me alive. And rage watered my parched soul. I wanted answers. I wanted justice.I wanted revenge." (Dark fever, page 11)

"She didn’t know where to start.But she’d do it. Find whoever had done this.[...] She ground her teeth. She’d find whoever had done this and make them regret ever being born." (Crescent City, page 164)

Once again, Hunt has the exact same appeareance as Jericho, and their personalities are also pretty much alike.

"He studied me with his predator's gaze, assessing me from head to toe. I studied him back. He didn't just occupy space; he saturated it.The room had been full of books before, now it was full of him. About thirty, six foot two or three, he had dark hair, golden skin, and dark eyes. His features were strong, chiseled." (Dark Fever, page 36)

"An angel who reason and history reminded him was an ally, though every instinct roared the opposite.Predator. Killer. Monster. Hunt Athalar’s angular dark eyes, however, remained fixed on the window. On Bryce Quinlan." (House of earth and blood, page 80)

"Hunt nodded once, his golden-brown face betraying nothing." (House of earth and blood, page 81)

"Then the male leafed through Quinlan’s thin file, his shoulder-length black hair slipping over his unreadable face." (House of earth and blood, page 81)

Darkfever presentd V'lane as a third character, an attractive seelie prince, who rules the Tuatha Dé Dannan, and happens to go after Mackayla as revenge against Jericho. In crescent city, there third main character is Ruhn, Bryce's half brother, and who is he? A crowned prince of the fae. And what is his last name? Danaan.

"Even today, after all that I've seen, I couldn't begin to describe V'lane, prince of the Tuatha Dé Danaan." (Dark Fever, page 134)

"Thinking she’d get a nice, sweaty ride with a Prince of the Fae, she’d be sorely disappointed. He was in no shape for fucking right now." (Crescent city, page 199)

“I got a phone call, Naomi said. From Ruhn fucking Danaan. He’s livid that we didn’t notify Sky and Breath about bringing in the girl." (Crescent city, page 96)

The scene where Hunt goes to watch over Bryce in her apartment follows the exact same patterns of the scene Jericho goes to visit Mackayla in her home:

"A moment later, her phone buzzed on the coffee table. Right as her show began.She didn’t know the number, but she wasn’t at all surprised when she picked up, plopping down onto the cushions, and Hunt growled,

— Open the curtains. I want to watch the show.” (Crescent city, page 84)

"Someone knocking at my door awakened me [...] I glanced at my watch. It was two o'clock in the morning. I was sleepy and grumpy and didn't try to disguise it.

—Who is it?

— Jericho Barrons." (Dark Fever, page 40)

“Open the curtains.

— No, thank you.

— Or you could invite me in and make my job easier.

— Definitely no.

—Why?

— Because you can do your job just as well from that roof.” (Crescent City; page 184)

"Do you intend to open this door, Ms. Lane, or shall we converse where anyone might attend our business? [...]. If he was willing to trade, I had to open that door. Unless…

— We can trade through the door, I said.

— No

— Why not?

— I am a private person, Ms. Lane. This is not negotiable." (Dark Fever, page 41)

"His dark eyes didn’t so much as blink. Striking—that was the only word Bryce could think of to describe his handsome face, full of powerful lines and sharp cheekbones. — You can make this investigation easy, or you can make it hard.” (Crescent City, page 187)

" When I said nothing, he said softly — If you are not with me, Ms. Lane, you are against me. I have no mercy for my enemies.

I shrugged." (Dark Fever, page 46)

So, I do believe SJM is the type author whose actions we need to discuss. Even if you see the whole thing with " The black jewels" is just an inspiration, you can't deny the fact there some exact lines of movies and books in her work. Plus: it's not just one quote or just one plot, but many.

If you ever try to read The Black Jewels trilogy you'll notice much more than what I brought in this post, and I do hope more people are able to research it. However, if you have any triggers regarding SA, mutil*tion, abuse, gr*mming, or torture scenes, I strongly recommend you do not read these books. They are not easy to go through, and the same thing goes to Dark Fever, although is a lot lighter.

Now, you can find more about the "Lord of the rings" and "Harry Potter" situation in here:

This is not a post trying to "cancel" sjm or simply attack her without reason. But I do believe we have to talk about her work and the problems with it, especially when it involves the work of other writers. If anyone has any more examples, or articles about this matter, quote this post with them if you can. I couldn't put more because you have a limit for tumblr posts, and it would be way too much. Anyway, thank you sticking here until the end.

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orions-choker · 8 days

Note

I HAD A BIG OLE THOUGHT WHILE WATCHING

S&M!!!! okay, so 1999 Jamie and reader who is part of the San Fran Sisco band, and she plays flute or like a "danty" instrument. Reader has never been like flirted with by older dudes and gets nervous around James. I'm thinking like sweet smut at the end (possibly virgin reader) if ur comfy with it. U were the first person I thought of when I was gonna request this I loooove ur writing 😚😚

Warnings: Nsfw, Loss of virginity. Word Count: 3,863

The harsh lighting beat down across Y/N’s back. A light layer of sweat formed across her skin beneath her concert blacks. The fabric of her blouse sticking to her skin. She didn’t fully understand why they needed every house light on to do rehearsal, the heat was almost unbearable.

As she lowered the gleaming silver instrument from her lips she was quick to place it in its case. The final notes reverberated off the walls and Y/N was standing from her seat. She along with the rest of the orchestra members shuffled off the stage. Her fingers coming to undo the top buttons of her shirt in a desperate attempt to cool her skin.

Still she couldn’t complain, there weren't very many Twenty-Something year old's apart of a professional orchestra such as this. Let alone ones who could say they were about to play with one of the biggest powerhouses of music. She couldn’t wipe the grin off her face as she moved backstage, she may be most accustomed to playing classical music, but her personal preference was metal.

When she had been told they would be performing alongside Metallica she could hardly contain herself. Lost in her thoughts amongst the rush of people moving to the dressing room’s Y/N found herself face to face with someone's chest. She stumbled back, rubbing at her now throbbing nose from the collision. “Shit, I'm so sorry I didn’t see you there.” She hissed as tears sprang to her eyes.

Her gaze drifted upwards, through her now watery vision she could hardly make out the hulking man Infront of her. “You okay?” His voice was smooth against her ears. Even without her vision she was positive she knew exactly who it was standing in front of her. There was a heavy hand on her shoulder and suddenly her knees were buckling.

“Holy fuck.” She mumbled, blinking once, then twice. Suddenly James’s face was clear now. His lips were downturned, concern etched into his strong features. Sure she was well aware she was about to be on the same stage as him in about an hour, but nothing could compare to being face to face with the James fucking Hetfield. “I am so sorry,” She repeated herself, at a loss for words.

James’s brows furrowed further as he shook his head. “Hey stop apologizing, you’re good.” He assured her, his hand still present on her shoulder. She could feel a soft tingle run down her body. “Sit down for a second chick.” He moved her to the side easily, planting her down on one of the benches lining the now emptying hallway.

She moved on his command easily, still rubbing at her nose, she was thankful it wasn’t bleeding. His chest could only be compared to that of a brick wall. “Y/N,” She offered her name to him shakily. Surprise flooded her features as he sat beside her, his eyes still scanning her face.

James’s smile that followed upon learning her name had Y/N’s cheeks burning. “Cute name, suits you.” He hummed thoughtfully. “What instrument do you play?” He asked, head nodding towards the laminated pass around her neck, signifying she was part of the band. It felt like holes were being burned into her skin as his gaze landed on the top of her chest. His eyes lingered across the hint of cleavage beneath her blouse from where she had popped open her buttons.

The whole interaction had her practically squirming in her seat. Slowly her hand came down from her face, coming to rest awkwardly in her lap. “I'm second flute.” She managed to speak, though the shakiness of her voice betrayed her nervousness. The tips of her fingers dug deep into the fabric of her black slacks.

James leaned back against the wall, an eyebrow raised. “Obviously they don’t choose based on appearance, otherwise you would be first.” He seemed overly pleased with the joke, the corner’s of his lips turning upwards. If it hadn’t been obvious before, it was now, James Hetfield was flirting with her.

Obviously she had no idea what to do. Like a knee jerk reaction she corrected him. “It’s uh…actually called being principle flute, not first.” As his smile fell slightly she kicked herself mentally. That was not how you reciprocated the advances of a literal god. But then he chuckled easily. A small sense of relief flooded over her.

Slowly he got up and Y/N found herself panicking, she wasn’t done soaking in his presence. “Our turn” His back cracked lightly as he stretched it out. “Don’t go smashing your face into anybody else, I wanna see it tomorrow night.” His smile was almost devilish as he bid his farewell, heading down the hall towards the stage.

Y/N’s heart hammered in her chest. The only thoughts in her mind being that of ‘holy shit what was that interaction’. She practically floated back to the shared dressing room for the symphony. Ignoring the pleasant chatter amongst her bandmates as she placed her stuff in storage and stripped down to something more bearable to wear in this heat.

Logically she knew this wouldn’t go anywhere. Rock Stars were like that, they pretty much flirted with anything that moved. Even if James had been serious, she was at least 10 years his junior, not to mention completely inexperienced with the opposite sex. Not gonna happen in a million years. She shook the thoughts from her head. Leaving any hopes of sharing another moment with James at the door, she left the venue for the day.

Unfortunately, those thoughts were waiting for her at the door as she returned the next day. Like an obedient dog it overwhelmed her upon return. It caused her hands to shake violently the entire time she got ready. Looking over her shoulder every few seconds in hope she could even catch a glimpse of him. She would be screwed if she messed up her performance tonight because of this.

She had never been nervous for a performance in her entire career, yet now as she heard the increasing sounds of concert viewers entering the lobby, she was scared. Just as she was about to take her place on stage there was a rough voice behind her. “Do good out there, I’ll be watching.” She jumped, spinning around to find James leaning against the wall. “I’ll give you something if you do.”

A lump formed in her throat, all she could do was nod lamely before being ushered out to her seat on stage. A sudden sense of familiarity washed over her, the weight of her instrument in her hand calming her. This was her speciality, she knew what she was doing. She thumbed through the sheet music in front of her as the lights began to dim. She raised the instrument to her mouth, placing the lip plate in place. It was a sudden flood of music, the roar of the crowd fueling her adrenaline as Metallica took the stage in front of the symphony.

Y/N had an unfortunately good view of James from where she sat. His figure was imposing even from behind, the way he had to lean down into his mic. The broad span of his shoulders and the gentle rippling of his muscles as he played the guitar. Still her brows furrowed as she concentrated, eyes dropping down to the sheets in front of her.

This performance would be the best of her life, she was determined to make it so. Before she could comprehend it she was on the third song of the night. A bead of sweat trailing from her forehead down the bridge of her nose. It was sudden, the shadow over her. She hadn’t even noticed the vocals weren’t present at the moment.

James had a small break from singing as Kirk’s guitar solo raged on. He was right in front of her, holding the chords for the rhythm steady. He glistened in sweat, his hair a little damp on the ends. But he looked in his element as he smiled at her. It was inconspicuous enough to not raise questions from the players around her, but she could feel the intent behind it.

Y/N’s finger slipped for just a moment, undetected by anyone else but she cursed herself nonetheless. Even the most gorgeous man in front of her couldn’t distract her from this. Her eyes dropped once more away from him as she played on. In her peripheral vision she could see his retreating form.

Based on the energy from the crowd she could confidently say the night was a success. A wide smile plastered on her face as they closed out the show. They all took a moment on stage to take in the praise. The lights dimmed and Metallica was first to leave the stage. Y/N almost got caught up in the wave of people exiting the stage, her eyes scanning the crowd for James’s much taller figure.

Suddenly there was a strong hand grasping onto her wrist, tugging her out of the herd. She didn’t need to see him to know who it was. Wordlessly she was pulled down a side hallway, into a dressing room that was clearly labeled ‘Hetfield’. “Woah,” Y/N gasped, stumbling into the room.

“Sorry about that sweetheart, I didn't want to lose you.” James’s voice was smooth against her ear as he pressed himself to her back, closing the door behind them. She visibly shivered at the sudden scratchy feeling of his beard against the side of her neck. “You did great out there.”

The praise went straight to Y/N’s tightening core. “I-it was really all you guys.” She stuttered out. Her body turned in James’s grasp so they were facing each other. She had to crane her neck to look up at him. His piercing blue eyes bore straight into hers with no mercy.

He hummed thoughtfully, his hands coming to rest casually on her hips. “What’s got you so nervous?” He asked teasingly. As he did, his hips were pressed against hers and there was an unmistakable hardness between the two of them. It knocked a gasp out of her lungs.

This was going exactly where she thought it was going and she didn’t know if she could handle it. “I- uh,” She was stumbling over her words like an idiot. “I just, I’ve never…done this before, and you’re so much older than me with so much experience I'm worried about being bad.” The embarrassment from her confession settled as a blush on her cheeks.

Suddenly James took a hesitant step back. “Shit, how old are you?” He asked nervously. There was a clear panic in his face. His hand’s no longer touched her and she whined at the loss. She could see the frantic gears in his head turning so she shook her head quickly.

“I’m twenty two!” She assured him, though she wasn’t sure if that was enough to ease his concerns about the large age gap between them. “I don’t care that you’re older, I just don’t want to disappoint.” She tried to save the situation as best she could, scuffing the tips of her shoes against the floor.

James sighed loudly in relief. “Shit babygirl, don’t scare me like that.” His hand was suddenly cupping the side of her face, forcing her to look up at him directly. “That’s fine, by never done this before do you mean a hookup? Or fucking in general.” The crudeness of the question had Y/N gasping.

James’s chuckle did little to ease her nerves. “Sex…in general.” She confirmed. She blinked as she looked up at him, his eyes pierced into her soul. “If that’s okay with you I want to try.” Her hands hooked around his arms, squeezing his biceps tightly as she used him for leverage to hold herself up.

It was quick the way in which he captured her lips. He tasted mostly of booze and cigar smoke but it was intoxicating nonetheless. His experienced movements guided her easily as he maneuvered the two of them onto the dressing room couch. Never breaking apart once. His hands were working on undoing the buttons of her blouse with a skilled expertise that left her shaking.

Slowly she was granted air again, greedily drinking it in as James’s mouth moved down along the underside of her jaw. Her chest was suddenly exposed to the room, quickly she shimmied out of the sleeves, allowing the fabric to pool beneath her on the couch. Warm calloused hands cupped her breasts through the lace of her bra. She sighed contently, her legs spreading just enough for James to slot himself in between.

“I don’t feel like I'm doing enough.” She voiced her concerns. Her hands were tangled in his hair as he continued to nip and suck at the flesh of her neck. His hands trailed down from her chest to the button on her pants. “What can I do for you?” She asked breathlessly.

James pulled back with a slightly wild look in his eyes. His fingers popped open the button, pulling down the zipper slowly. “Nothing, You don’t have to do anything, baby girl I’ll take care of you.” Y/N lifted her hips to assist him as he tugged her pants down past her legs. Quickly he pulled off his own shirt, exposing the few tattoos he had on his arms.

The sight knocked the air out of her lungs. She was left dumbfounded as she drank in the sight of him. Suddenly both of them were left in nothing but their underwear and she couldn’t help but feel a touch self conscious. She curled in on herself, hands coming down between her legs to cover her sheer underwear.

He clicked his tongue at her, his large hands coming to grab hers and pin them above her head. “No.” He commanded her gently. “Wanna see all of you.” He held her down on the couch with one hand as his other hooked in the waistband of her panties, tugging them down. The cold hair hitting her warm skin caused her to gasp. “Knew you were pretty everywhere.” He sighed.

Leaning back on the couch, James released his grip on her hands to push her legs further apart. His grip was heavy on her inner thigh as he spread her open. A flush covered her whole body in embarrassment as she felt like she was almost being examined. Suddenly there was a prodding at the wet heat between her legs. “Oh my god.” Y/N whimpered as two thick fingers sunk into her.

“Fuck you’re tight.” James grunted as he gently pushed his fingers in deeper, curling them slightly in a way that had Y/N’s back arching off the couch. “You’re doing so good though.” He praised her gently. There was a slight sting as James scissored his fingers apart, stretching her further. She winced lightly in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

Slowly James found a rhythm as he fucked his fingers into her. A chorus of moans and whimpers spilled past Y/N’s lips, her fingers gripping onto the couch cushions beneath her. The room was filled with the wet sounds of her body sucking him back in with every pull of his wrist. There was a building tension in her stomach that left her writhing. “James, I think I’m gonna…” She trailed off.

The words only seemed to encourage him. James’s rhythm stayed steady, adding in the rotation of his thumb across her sensitive clit. “Good let go baby, I got you.” The pads of his fingers pressed up inside her, hitting the spot that caused her to let out a shaky moan. Her body going limp beneath him as she rode out of the high of her climax impaled on his fingers. She could feel the warmth drip between her legs down onto the couch. Her breaths were heavy and ragged as he pulled out with an almost embarrassing ‘pop’.

James grinned down at her as he slowly got up off the couch. He leaned over to one of the side tables in the dressing room, grabbing a foil wrapper. Y/N watched wordlessly as he tugged his hard cock out of his briefs. She didn’t have a reference for size but he looked impossibly big. He easily pulled the latex from the package, rolling it down his length. “That's not going to fit.” She said dumbly, her eyes wide as she watched him settle back down between her parted legs. A fear bubbling inside her as the head of his dick knocked against her overstimulated clit. She whimpered, her body pulling away from the touch.

“It’ll fit baby dont worry.” He assured her as his hands landed on her thighs once more, rubbing soothing circles into the skin. “If it’s too much just tell me.” His voice was so gruff but she felt comforted by the words nonetheless. She allowed herself to trust his experience over her and nodded slowly. Her body relaxing once more. His smile was almost blinding as he hooked one of her legs over his shoulder, holding on to her for leverage. His other hand left her thigh to grip the base of his girth.

It was a slow glide as he directed the head of his cock to Y/N’s waiting entrance. With each inch that pushed in it pushed the air from her lungs. James let out a low growl as he sunk deeper into the heat. The stretch was overwhelming, feeling like she was being split in two her hands flew up to James’s shoulders, her nails digging deep into the skin. She bared her teeth as she braved through the pain.

Suddenly James’s hips were fully pressed against her. She couldn’t believe it as she looked down between them where they were connected. If she had the mental power to make note of it she would have been impressed with herself for taking him all in. “Fuck,” She mumbled out, looking back up at James with wide eyes.

“You did so good Y/N.” He grunted, a bead of sweat formed on his eyebrow as he held himself back from moving more. He leaned forward, capturing her lips to distract her as he slowly pulled his hips back. Starting off with shallow thrusts as she gre accustomed to the feeling. “So fucking good.” He whispered across her lips.

The gentle movement was enough to send her wailing. Her blush deepened as she couldn’t hold back the embarrassing noises, though James seemed to be drinking them in. Her eyes looked back down, watching as James cock repeatedly disappeared inside her. It was mesmerizing. Slowly the burn dissipated leaving her with only an overwhelming sense of pleasure. “Y-you can…m-more.” She managed to stutter out.

With that permission the floodgates opened. The gentleness melted away as James set an almost brutal pace. The couch creaked beneath them as he pressed her down into the cushions with the force of his thrusts. He was mostly silent aside from the animalistic grunts rumbling deep from his chest. Y/N’s nails dragged across the skin of his arms as she lost her hold on him. It was relentless the way he chased his own release inside her.

“Oh my god, oh my god.” Y/N chanted out. It felt like her insides were being rearranged as James made space for himself. Subconsciously she thought she would be forever ruined by him, nothing could compare to the way her body molded to him. His forehead was pressed against hers as he loomed over her.

Her hand flew down between them, her fingers furiously working her own clit. It caused her body to tense around him as she easily came again. The sudden gush of her release making the slide easier, wetter, sloppier. “Fuck, Y/N.” James choked out. The way he growled reminded her of the way he sang, raw and violent. His thrusts grew sporadic as his own climax raced towards him.

In sync their chests heaved as he pushed himself as deep as possible inside her. His head dropped to her shoulder as moaned in her ear. There was a pulsating sensation and she clenched down around his cock, squeezing him as he finished. His body was heavy against her, their skin sticking together with the sweat that had formed across them.

They lay like that for a long moment until the heat between them grew too unbearable. Slowly James pulled his softening cock from her cunt. The sudden emptiness had Y/N whining, her hips bucking up to chase him. James laughed, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek as he pulled off the filled condom, tossing it into a nearby garbage bin. “You okay baby?” He asked, settling back down onto the couch and tugging her naked body into his arms.

She sighed in relief at the comfort of his touch once more. Slowly she nodded, resting her head against his chest. “Yeah I’m good,” She sighed. James' hand came to tuck a strand of slightly damp hair behind her ear, away from her face. “Thank you,” She mumbled, looking up at him appreciatively. “For being my first.”

There was a soft tenderness in his eyes as he returned her look. Being this close Y/N could see the faint crow’s lines forming at his eyes, just the suggestion of wrinkles forming in his skin but it seemed to make him all the more handsome. “Yeah?” He said, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. “Wouldn’t mind being your second as well.” Y/N’s breath hitched in her throat, confusion evident on her features as she tilted her head curiously. “Were in town a couple more days, let me take you on a date?” He asked her sweetly.

“I thought this was just a one time thing?” She pulled away from him lightly, not missing the way his arms tightened around her to hold her in place. “I would love to.” She nodded sweetly. In a sudden swift movement her body was hoisted into the air. She yelped in surprise, wrapping her arms around James’s neck as he walked them across the room.

She tilted her head, seeing the shower stall and she laughed lightly, understanding the mission at hand. “You’re lucky, we don’t have showers in our rooms.” She said as she was placed back down against the cold tile floor. She was thankful for the stream of cool water pouring over her. It cooled her burning skin as James pressed himself beside her. Truthfully there wasn’t enough room for the both of them, but with James pressed up behind her she couldn't complain. “I could get used to this.” She hummed.

“You will.” James mumbled against her shoulder as he pressed a kiss there. It almost seemed like a promise. A promise for this and more. She liked the way his words wrapped around her like a blanket of comfort and she found herself hoping it would ring true.

#metallica #metallica fanfiction #metallica/reader #james hetfield/reader #james hetfield x reader #james hetfield

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97keanu · 4 months

Text

Digital Angel

Premise: You're a hacker living in 1999 Chicago. The bustling city has been lonely, save for a few friends you've made at the local goth club. You fuel your lifestyle by hacking important classified information for criminals, but lately your usual clients haven't been coming around. Turns out, some hacker named "Neo" has been stealing your clients. You decide to get to the bottom of this by hacking him back...

Tags: slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, loser!neo, perv!neo, virgin!neo, prematrix au, hacker!reader, goth!reader, bdsm elements, age gap 23/35, eventual smut, stalking, cyber stalking, masturbation, neo is a naughty panty sniffer, he's literally such a pervvy stalker in this idk what to say, themes of loneliness and longing, neo and reader are each others mirrors, two sides of the same coin, fated to be together, red string of fate, last two romantics in the city, yadda yadda.

Words: 12.4k

A/N: This is the revised edition of Digital Angels first 3 chapters. Fully edited, added some new content/context, and Chapter 4 will be out tomorrow! (If you wished to be tagged in it, please add yourself to my taglist, and select Neo!) Thank you to everyone who has enjoyed this fic, I hope to do it justice in the coming chapters.

Read chapter 4 here!

꒰˵ˊplaylistˋ˵꒱

You sit in your bedroom, basking in your computer’s green glow. It’s been a hot summer, the night air doing little to cool Chicago down, and the window and fan set up you have running do little to help. You should be sleeping but something has been bothering you lately, keeping you up well past midnight.

Your typical clients, who come to you for illegal information that you’ve hacked from the government, haven’t been contacting you. In fact, you’re getting more small-time stuff than ever. Fake ID requests, fake official reports for god knows what, and the last straw was today, when you were asked if you could illegally pirate a DVD for some teen.

“Really? Back to burned DVDS?” You had thought to yourself. It was almost laughable if it wasn’t for the fact that without the bigger time jobs your rent wasn’t getting paid. And there was no way you were going to get a real corporate job like the rest of the early 20 somethings your age.

You had asked your closest client over IM earlier tonight. And what he gave back to you, was a name.

[Neo]

The screen read back to you, as if taunting you with the existence of him. Such a little name for the big pain in your ass he’s been.

Well…if this “Neo” guy was taking all your clientele, then you were going to look into him. You worked too hard for your hacker prestige to be brought back down to pirating softcore porn for any local sleaze ball. No…you were going to find this guy and confront him.

So, that’s why you’ve been working tirelessly these past four hours, hunting down any trace of “Neo” online. You haven’t found much yet, but you can feel yourself getting closer. The more false leads you eliminate, the more the real one will stick out when you see it. You rub your eyes until you see inky little stars and after you pull up your long black hair into a ponytail so that it’s off your neck in this heat. That’s one thing you hated about summer the most. The heat. It left you little black options to wear, and that made most of your wardrobe unbearable. Right now, you were stuck with a black tank top, foregoing wearing pants, just to survive.

You take a moment to gaze out your small apartment window, to get away from the glow of the computers for a second. The Chicago skyline greets you as you open up the window enough to straddle a leg out of it. The night air helps, and a cool breeze blows on your sweaty skin. You need this. Just a moment to yourself before you get back to it. You pull out a cigarette and light up the end with a faint red glow.

As you gaze out, you see other little apartments in the area. Your apartment is high enough up that you have a great view of all the dazzling lights of the city. One perk of the shithole you live in.

You sigh out a puff of smoke, and think of all the tiny white flecks of windows. Some of the closer ones you can see their insides better. You can see from here a kitchen window of an older couple making dinner, someone’s living room with a blue gash of flickering images passing by. Your eye catches on an apartment somewhat like your own, a green glow with their own computers, the owner sleeping softly at their desk. You wonder where all their lives will go when you look away. Do they cease to exist because your gaze does not fall upon them…?

No, you logically know it doesn’t work like that, but it sure does feel like it. You don’t think you’ve known a true friend that you’ve kept up with in years. Just you and your computers…

You finish your cigarette break, and find your way back inside your bedroom, popping Wish by The Cure into your walkman, ready to plug back in and search for the fucker stealing all your jobs.

It’s a few hours still till you find it, but there it is, a sloppy job this ‘Neo’ must have done at some point. He left behind some evidence and here you are finding it like a fingerprint at a crime scene. His IP address was left behind. Now it’s time to have some fun…

You begin to run your own home grown line of code. It's not intricate, a bit unstable, but it will do. You get access to a lot of his computer files, but most importantly the IM app he uses to message. You’re also surprised to find a photo of him as you're searching around. Or what you assume is his face. It looks like a photo taken for a work I.D. An all white background, center and staring at the camera with slightly dead eyes lead you to believe that.

You can’t help it, but when you see him, you think he looks sort of cute. A part of you curdles at the thought of finding the enemy cute, but it's the truth. He has big brown puppy dog eyes which you’ve always been a sucker for, and surprisingly soft features despite sporting a set of high cheekbones and a sharp jawline. His black hair is also a plus, it looks somewhat neat for the photo, but he doesn’t look like the type of man who is too appearance focused. Lucky him, to have such genes to get away with it, you suppose. There’s just something about his eyes that really makes your heartbeat quicken, something about the touch of loneliness there, even though he has the kind of face that was made to be loved. You catch yourself blushing and force your mind to stay on task.

You get back to working with your program. If this works correctly it would give you an in to talk to him. You can use this program to help you hack right into Neo’s friend list and send him an IM. You grab a coke from your mini fridge and get to work, the cool, bubbly liquid waking you up enough to finish the task.

Finally, after what seems like ages, you’re in. You send Neo a message, leaving your typical dorky screen name on. It's not your real name anyways so it doesn’t matter.

[NightShade]: I hear you’ve been stealing all my clients, Neo…

You think for a moment, wondering what exactly you should say first, but this seems good as anything. You’re worried because he was so hard to find, he might just ignore or block you. Doesn’t hurt to try, so you press send and lean back in your chair, somewhat proud of the night you’ve had.

As you wait, you begin to think the other hacker is likely asleep. You sigh, sleep coming to claim your eyes just as well, so you decide to get up and take a shower. It’ll help with how hot it is too, you determine with a nod of self assurance as you hop up out of your chair.

You are attending to a bit of self care in the cool shower, when you hear a ping! You don’t think you’ve ever scrambled out of there so fast.

You attempt not to slip on the titles as you rush out, and find yourself padding with wet hair to the computer chair in nothing but a black towel. You feel too nervous to look, what if he doesn’t want to talk to you? You did come on strong with your first message, accusing him of stealing your clients and all…

[Neo]: Who are you? How did you message me?

The computer reads as you sit, and contemplate how to respond. It is a strange predicament in general, you suppose, but you’re not backing down now. You pause and consider how to reply, but a part of your heart beats with happiness that he responded at all.

[NightShade]: You’re not the only hacker in town you know, and word is that most of my return customers have been coming to you lately.

You sit back and bite your lip, you know you’re confronting him and all, but really, what is the end goal…is it just to say you tried? Is it to win him over? Beg him to stay out of your side of the business…you’re not sure. You feel this strange pull to him regardless.

[Neo]: So, in retaliation you’ve taken it upon yourself to contact me and complain?

He’s right, maybe this whole thing is childish. Maybe you’re childish, despite being 23 and trying to make it as a big time hacker like the rest of them. You can’t help but respond as the late night anxiety whittles on…

[NightShade]: Well, if I could find you within the night, who’s to say the government couldn’t? Why don’t we create something here that helps us both…

You’re not even sure what you’re getting at, but you don’t want him to log off. You watch, waiting for him to type again…

[Neo]: And what would you suggest?

“Shit…” You mumble to yourself and find your hand is nervously rubbing at your thin eyebrow hair. You’ve been trying to quit that, but nervous ticks are hard to kick.

“Alright, we gotta be smart here. If we propose something stupid he’s going to realize I’m just a young, dumb girl who knows a bit of hacking. Nothing special…” You often find yourself out loud, there’s no one better to talk to at your disposal so might as well.

You consider your options. Should you ask him to divide up turf? Divide up clients? You highly doubt that would impress or please him. No, but maybe you could offer something else…

You begin working on the computer, and checking Neo’s connection. He was terribly hard to find for those few hours but honestly, it wouldn’t take the government long to find him if you could. Not to mention, as you look, he has all sorts of back doors to controlling his computer. You browse a few files and find yourself nodding and smirking as you see a folder full of goth girl porn. Seems he has type…you aren’t sure if it helps or hurts that you dress similar to the cyber girls in his computer.

Ultimately, he might be good at getting the info for the clients, but he is shoddy at best at keeping his own ass covered. You get back to the IM window and type…

[NightShade]: I know you must obviously be good at getting info for clients, or else they wouldn’t leave me to come to you. However, you don’t keep yourself safe enough out here. Like I said, I found you in a few hours. And I can clearly see into your files you have hidden right now, such as some extremely saucy pictures of girls in black leather. Imagine what other information I could find with some time. I can help you fix that…If you’re willing.

You hit send and feel a chill run down your back despite the heat. Will he be receptive? You have no idea. Maybe you shouldn’t have mentioned finding his porn folder so easily.

Quite a few minutes passed before you heard a response, and you were starting to believe he was surely considering blocking you. That sweet sound of your computer pinging pulls you out of your thoughts.

[Neo]: So…you found my weakness…and you propose to help. What’s in it for you?

“Yes!” You think, feeling like pumping the air. “He didn’t say no!”

[NightShade]: We stop splitting clients, we work on the hacks together and I keep your ass from ending up being tracked down again. Divide the profits accordingly.

This time, you get no response. In fact, you sit at your computer for another hour before dragging your tired body to your tiny, disheveled bed. You leave your computer on, awaiting the signature ping just in case. As you lie in bed, you turn so you can see outside the large window beside your dark enclave of a mattress that holds you. As you gaze out at the city once more, you can’t help but feel drawn to that other apartment. Its green glow blinks every so often, as if the previously sleeping stranger was stirring before the window. Pacing, perhaps like your mind does as you drift off.

———

Thomas Anderson, better known as 'Neo’ to the underbelly of the cyber world, is half drooling on his desk when he hears that persistent ping! of his computer. Groggy and tired he opens his eyes, the green glow of his computer the only source of light in his tiny dark room. As his eyes adjust, he lets his pale hands rub sleep from his eyes just to solidify that he’s awoken. A light layer of sweat glistens from the computer light, and tries to wipe some of that too, not that it helps.

He groans a little as he pulls up the nagging chat window that’s blinking for attention. Probably some client that wants this or that, ASAP as always with these people.

His sharp brows furrow as he sees a name he doesn’t recognize.

“NightShade?” He talks aloud to himself, only his ears around to hear anyways in his little apartment.

He is surprised this person was able to get onto his friend list, he thought he ran a pretty tight ship over here, but maybe the extra shifts at his day job were making him sloppy. He finds himself sitting in a bit of disbelief before responding to their claim of “client stealing” as they put it.

“I mean, who does this person think they are?” He scoffs into the dark, humid night air. His sweaty fingers tap along a response questioning who the identity of this 'NightShade’ character is. He’s surprised when they respond almost immediately, claiming to be a fellow hacker.

“Sure…” He rolls his eyes to no one as he takes the situation in. “Probably some petty kid mad that their clients found a real hacker for their needs.”

He reaches over and pulls a cigarette out of a discarded box on his messy desk. He pops it loosely into his mouth, mostly for the comfort of having it there at the moment. He’s not ready to light up, just yet.

The other hacker responds, supposedly finding Neo’s IP and computer just within a few hours. He’ll double that for their sake, not really believing his rig is THAT easily infiltrated. But they do make a good point…if he is seeing this message at all, who’s to say who else could get in?

Neo is intrigued to say the least, he wipes his sweaty palms on his dark sweatpants and responds, asking what the other party has in mind then.

“This should be interesting…” His voice is husky with sleep and an overall tiredness that seems to permeate his entirety.

The other hacker takes a moment to respond, so Neo rolls his desk chair to the nearby window. He cracks it and lights his cigarette finally, looking out to the cityscape.

He watches a plane lazily draw across the sky like a star blinking in and out of existence, and he wonders how despite his business of being a hacker having been so perfectly solitary he has found himself seemingly intrigued by this supposed other hacker. He never really complained that he had essentially no social life. He was destined to be like this, the way he saw it. No one at work took much interest in him, they saw him as a nerdy lackey programmer and was all. Not someone to take out for drinks after work. Not someone to strike up conversation with in the break room. It was like they knew he was different, and stayed away because of it. He had little luck with making friends in his hacking ‘community’, if you could even call it that. Neo was pretty certain he would die alone, and that feeling had been present for so long, it had started to comfort him. Until tonight, that is.

His eyes drift across the city apartments, and he doesn’t notice his pause on another green glowing apartment across the way at first. He lets a long drag of smoke billow out the window as he focuses on it more.

From here he can see a tiny form of a girl, and he actually blushes as he realizes they’re in nothing but a towel. He hasn’t seen a real life woman in such a vulnerable state in a while. He takes another drag as he sighs out the smoke to the thought that he’s been more than a while…

He doesn’t take his eyes away though, he knows he’s safe looking at this distance anyways, so he watches as the young woman is seemingly typing on her own computer. It's not uncommon as a pass time anymore, more and more people are starting to use this new 'internet’ thing, after all.

Still, he wonders for a moment how she feels. Is she as lonely as he is in his tiny room, typing, typing away all night long. Does she like the people she types to? Neo rarely does.

He starts to imagine what kind of life a pretty girl like her must have. Probably messaging her abundance of friends for what they’re going to do this weekend. Likely in university, staying in a shitty apartment until she graduates and moves on to bigger and better things. Neo watches as the towel slips further as she’s more invested in her screen, unknowingly to her that her every move is being watched. Her soft shoulders and collarbones stick out the most to him, the subtle way they move when she types, her dripping black hair falling on them in delicate swirls.

The excitement of seeing this unknowing stranger in such a vulnerable state, a state he’s sure no one else gets to see, draws Neo in.

He watches her until he hears another ping, tearing his eyes away and stubbing out the cigarette on the window sill. Neo has to practically tear his eyes away from her to see his computer screen.

He rotates back to his computer to see the other hacker's message, and laughs out loud at the fact that they seemingly found his porn folder. It's less unnerving than the other party probably thinks, it's likely they believe Neo to be had in this scenario. In a strange turn of events, he’s finding himself feeling a rush over the whole thing, with a twinge of nerves since they do after all, seem to be able to see into his whole system here.

It's a strange feeling for him, he hasn’t felt so naked in such a way for so long. Hypocritic, even after his look into his neighbors apartment. It's as if someone has walked into his room while he was undressing, but instead of fear, he feels a rush of endorphins. It's almost voyeuristic, and he has to laugh at that thought too.

“Alright, so they can see into my computer,” he speaks, as his mind begins to race, considering all the possibilities here. He might as well see what they have in mind to do about this, so he responds.

He is utterly surprised at their proposal for teamwork, however. Somehow this makes him recoil. The thought of working with another in such a way makes him nervous. He has been alone in this for as long as he can remember…

He bites his lip as he considers how much they’ve seen of him so far. It's only fair that he can take a look as well…

Neo disregards the other hackers message for now and immediately goes to work. Since they’ve been messaging him and all, it's pretty easy for him to work his way into finding their computer. The hard part is getting in. It actually takes him much longer than he expects and when he does get in, it's the tip of the iceberg. In fact, he’s utterly surprised that all he can find at first is normie information like what movies this guy watches and some music tastes. He ends up down the rabbit hole for a few hours before he sees something that freezes him.

A profile picture for an online goth community. He can only assume it's the other hacker, and what he knows now is that NightShade is a woman, an exceptionally attractive woman at that.

He can’t explain it, but seeing her image has struck him. Something about her is absolutely engrossing. He finds himself leaning closer to the screen, until he can pick out the pixels beginning to form. His heart skips a beat or two as he realizes he’s enamored…

He pulls back, looks away.

“Get a hold of yourself, it's just some girl, you could see another on the street whenever you want.” He speaks in a whisper as he leaves his chair and begins to pace his tiny room.

Why? Why is knowing she’s a beautiful woman, who’s exactly his type, complicating this? Is he really that touch starved that he’s like some highschool boy after seeing his crush in the hallway. No, he’s a 35 year old man here, he shouldn’t be having these strange feelings.

And with this surge of emotion out of him plus his penance for working alone, he can’t seem to find a way of a team effort working out between them. He starts a few times from pacing to go back to his desk and reply that he is uninterested, but he can’t seem to finish the task.

Neo finds himself sitting on this thought all night and more, your face left in a browser on his computer…

———

It’s been a week since you messaged Neo, and after the first day or so, your heart felt heavy. You know it really isn’t that deep, but the rejection took a hit on you. You started agreeing to CD burns and mixtapes on the fourth day, you feel so down and strapped for cash. You actively seek out reasons to leave your room because it beats sitting around waiting for a reply that won’t come, as well as all the lack of work you’ve been having.

Tonight, you drag home some Chinese take out, walking up the steps of your apartment building as if your legs are made of sludge. By the time you throw yourself into your apartment, you can barely muster the energy to eat. You store most of the food away for tomorrow, but keep the crab rangoons, since those don’t heat up very well, after all.

You set up at your desk, working on getting ahold of some test answers for some highschooler when it happens. The noise startles you enough that the crab rangoon hanging out of your mouth hits your desk. You quickly change tabs and can’t even stop yourself from looking immediately.

[Neo]: I’m in. But I think we should meet in person to go over this.

You have no idea if you should fake that you’ve seen it, or reply straight away. You know that he might think you were waiting on him this whole time if you reply too fast, so you force yourself to finish eating while you sit and stare at the green glow of the screen with a fervor to reply.

Just when you think you can’t finish the last bite fast enough, you thrust your greasy fingers to the keys.

[NightShade]: Alright, but I say when and where.

You’re so much cooler through the computer, he has no idea that you’re over here gushing because you know he’s cute and likes to hack too. It’s ridiculous, you find yourself ridiculing inwards.

[Neo]: Deal, your choice.

You think for a moment, in disbelief that he really means it. You decide to point him to the local goth club you frequent, Club Hel. You are a member there, so you have a private booth you two can talk in. You let him know where to go and who to ask for. You decide, fuck it, tomorrow can’t come soon enough so might as well do it then. You go over the details and the two of you are seemingly on the same page. You stop replying this time first to get the upper hand, even though you’re pretty sure the concept is childish in nature.

It’s been a long day so you plop on a Deftones tee and hop into bed. Strangely enough, your dreams are filled with soft brown eyes and computer code…

———

Neo hates to admit it, but he left your picture up on his computer for the rest of the night. At first, your ghostly pixelated image made him feel strange, to say the least. Accompanying the fact that you were essentially proposing to watch over him, to make sure he didn't leave any back doors open when hacking, Neo began to sleep, images of you as his guardian angel finding their way into his fleeting thoughts of restless sleep.

When he awoke late the next day, he was sweating once again. The hot Chicago summer was droning on, the early season when it's just deciding to heat up was long gone and replaced with humid, sweltering days. Neo could hardly stand it, and opted for a shower, his body sticking to his clothes as he took them off and tossed them on the bathroom floor.

As the cool water hit his body, he began to think of you again. He imagined your pretty little face, you had to be younger than him, that much was obvious. Your dark hair, pitch black as your clothes and makeup. Under the stream of the shower head, Neo found himself imagining you in ways he would feel guilty about afterwards.

He imagines you, in the shower with him, your hands gently cascading down his body, coming to rest right before his hard cock. You look up at him, your makeup starting to fall from the water, and your lipstick leaving rings on his cock when you start sucking him off. Neo practically groans out from the thought, his hand keeping pace on his own cock while he imagines that it's your mouth inside, soft, wet, and warm. He can only imagine what it would be like for you to encompass his cock with your perfect, cute mouth. Fuck. He can barely keep himself from cumming right now, the idea is so sexy.

What really gets him over the edge is imagining taking your hair in his hands and gripping it enough that you cry out, and when you do he's pumping his cock into your mouth harder than before. His muscles tense in the shower, even just the thought of being so aggressive with you igniting every muscle in his body. You, who thinks you had the upper hand after finding his porn stash, who was bold enough to hack into his computer without his knowledge. He continues to think of you choking on his cock, maybe even pulling you off for air, and you begging for more while your goth makeup is dripping down your cheeks. Oh God…He's going to cum.

Neo finishes in his shower, his husky groans escaping finally, and his back finding the cool tile of the shower wall for support.

"Fuck…" He whispers out to the lonely shower walls, a bit of clarity coming to him as he realizes with embarrassment just how lonely he has been.

That along with this trance you've put him in leave him feeling totally guilty. He's just some 30 year old loser who has a kink for chicks in black makeup, he really should be able to control himself. Meeting you shouldn't have any ulterior motives of lust, but he can't hardly stop himself.

He gets out of the shower and tries to wipe off shame with a fluffy white towel, frustrated that his body doesn't feel any less hot than before, but it's not the summer heat that's getting to him anymore. No, it's you. And he has to be able to contain himself tonight when he meets you at the…what was it again? Some goth club from what he researched last night, no surprise there.

God, Neo's afraid he won't be able to help himself from popping a boner when he finally sees you in person. If your profile picture has this much of a hold on him, then he's worried what will happen when he really gets to meet you. Maybe he'll get lucky, and it'll turn out you're actually a total catfish, and some other lonely loser like him. At least then he can laugh in your face and leave. Go back to his typical solitary existence.

A part of him aches at the thought all the while. If it's not what you actually look like, the fact that he just jerked off to you is all the more shameful. And, as much as he doesn't wish to admit, he would be highly disappointed.

Neo finishes up redressing, opening the window to his apartment to let some air in. He looks back out and sees the same little apartment he saw the last intriguing girl in. She's in there now, and from the looks of it, he thinks she's…trying on different clothes? He can barely see what she's wearing from here, but he can definitely tell when her body is bare of anything, becoming all one color besides a splash of dark hair. Just the idea of making out this unknowing neighbor's curves and ass has Neo hard again. He really is a pervert, huh?

He can hardly tear his eyes away, and the only reason he isn't throwing his left hand into his pants again is he knows that he likely won't be able to finish after doing it again so soon. He's almost jealous that he didn't get to sit here, staring out his window at the unsuspecting woman, freely looking at her in such a vulnerable state, pleasuring himself. Instead, he was imagining a girl who might not even really exist all by himself in the shower. He has a secret hope that maybe some other time, he'll catch the siren across the way undressing yet again.

For now, he turns from the window and begins to psyche himself up for meeting you tonight.

——

It's late, but it's the time you asked to see Neo. Everything works better under the mask of night. You can imagine more. A fairytale can become real under the night sky if told to the right person. You hope you actually get to work with this Neo guy. You know that your work has been so little lately, so this would really help you out. But you also know that you've dreamed of Neo all this morning, the image of his striking brown eyes drifting through your mind. The worst part was that some of those dreams were less than innocent in nature. The most vivid is seeing his eyes look up at you from between your thighs…

No, you don't need to think of that right now. He's late and could be escorted to your booth any minute. You currently sit in the red velvet lined booth, large dark curtains enclosing it, making it a safe zone for a meeting. You spent a chunk of the afternoon, worrying about what you would wear, dressing and undressing for well over an hour. You finally decided on a sleeveless dress, its top corseted, embellished with fancy black and purple lace. You chose a short black mini skirt to go along with it, and of course one of your favorite pairs of platform chunky heels. You fit in well with the rest of the clubgoers of Club Hel. You wonder how Neo will feel, seeing you are so much like his dirty little hidden porn folder. That shouldn't matter, this should be a business deal, but it does matter. Somehow, you know in your heart, and your occasionally aching pussy, that you want Neo to want you. It would be so satisfying to know that this nerdy hacker is thirsting after you. Plus it would be less embarrassing that you want him…

Just as you think he's not coming, black manicured nails playing with some drink named 'bloody' this or ‘batty’ that, the heavy curtain is pulled back. The familiar face of one of the usual workers dips in, checking that the person beside him is who you want at your table.

It's him.

You're breath catches, and you're surprised. As soon as you see him it feels as if something inside you is pulled to his very energy. He has on a long, black trench coat. Black clothes underneath that you can't see very well. His hair looks darker, actually, it's gelled back you notice. He isn't someone who looks as goth as the rest of the patrons here, but he doesn't stand out either. You're really taken back by how sexy he is, not like the computer dork you thought he would turn out to be.

From the look on his face, he's surprised to see you too. You wonder if he can feel the magnetic connection, it's like every move he makes is on a wire that you can feel the trembles reverberating through. You can see his dark eyes looking over your body, he even pauses on your breasts, which are accentuated by the low cut and tight corset. You can feel heat rising to you cheeks even though you curse yourself internally for it. You open your glossy. black lipsticked mouth to speak, but he beats you to it.

"NightShade, I presume?" His voice is more masculine than you thought it would be.

You're stunned for a second by him, and realize how childish it makes you seem that you're just staring at him. You also realize you never told him your real name, so you begin to blabber it out, before he stops you.

"We better stick to our code names. As you know, I go by Neo." He says and sits across from you at the booth.

You feel stupid for blurting half of your real name out like that, and know he's right. It's dangerous to even be meeting in person like this. A tiny voice in your head is disappointed you couldn't be known by him as your true self. Not just an alter ego…

"You're right, I'm sorry. NightShade it is." You say with a nervous nod. Neo is so hard to read.

Besides the initial surprise when he first walked in, he now seems as expressionless as a statue. Adding all the more allure to your already dirty mind about him.

"Well, it's good to finally meet you." Neo responds, and for some reason, you get the oddest feeling from the way his eyes look at you.

It's as if he's trying to communicate something wordlessly straight to your soul. You can't tell if it's want that fuels it, or something else, but from the way he looked over your body earlier, you wonder if he liked what he saw.

"You as well. Have you thought any more about what I had proposed?" You gently lift your cocktail to your lips, and softly sip the blood red liquid, your lipstick leaving an imprint on your straw. You wonder what your kisses would look like trailing up Neo's pale neck…

"Yes, I have. And as much as it pains me to say it," Neo says with a chuckle, the way he talks and his age advantage over you seems like he's in much more control here than you are.

Somehow the idea of him dominating this conversation turns you on, you glance at his large hands on the table, and wonder what those hands would look like on your body, especially around your pretty little throat. You're distracted from what he's saying, he says something stronger in tone and you snap back to those endless seas of black that are his eyes right now.

"I think it would be advantageous for us to work together. It's clearly not safe for me to continue to work alone if I can't keep my own ass covered. I'd like it if you could help with that." Despite Neo's words clearly asking for your help, you didn't feel as if you were the one with any power here. Somehow, you feel like the fly who's wandered into the spider's web. The question now is how far will you dip your little legs into it, dear fly?

"I…would very much like that." You say, your voice feeling small, hoping you're heard over the loud club music downstairs. "I would like to split the profits however…"

You add the last part, taking some great confidence that you only seem to find when you're talking online. Neo laughs a little and you worry he is unimpressed by you worrying about money.

"That will be no issue, I don't mind paying you for your…services…" When he says that last word, those dark eyes trail over your body once more, and you can't help but wonder the implications of what he's saying. "I think we could really start to corner this part of town for black market information…"

Something about Neo's attitude puts a chill up your spine, and a heat between your thighs. You can't help yourself, the thought of going back to your apartment after this, alone once more, is too much for you to bear. You want to be acquainted with Neo, the little voice in your head knows you've tossed the thought of something more around a few times in just this conversation. There's something dangerous about Neo, you can't tell what it is about him, but it makes you want to uncover it, find out what his code is hiding, so to say.

"I have to agree. How do you want to go about this? We can work mainly from our own stations, or…?" You begin, trying to drive your thoughts to stay on topic, work out the kinks of this budding relationship between you two.

"I think that will happen for some of the time, but I'm still going to need to give you physical copies of some of the files, and I don't trust much besides meeting up to exchange those hand to hand." Neo seems to have thought over this enough, he's also very cautious. His reserved, quiet, and dark demeanor is so hard for you to understand. If he was as cool as he seems right now, shouldn't he be able to handle himself? It's interesting to you that he needs help from someone ten years younger like you.

"That…makes sense." You nod along. "Maybe a weekly coffee date is in store…?" You say nonchalantly, not realizing you've used the word 'date'. Neo's eyes light up with something, was that a hint of desperation? It's as if you've looked past this cool exterior of a mask he has on and glimpsed into the want that he's hiding.

So it's not just you who feels this pull?

"A date…?" Neo's voice has lost the suaveness from before, now husky with need. You wonder briefly when the last time he had a date was based on this. Is he really, secretly the computer nerd you envisioned him to be? His cold and calculated behavior is slipping.

"Why…?" Your voice comes out slyly, you can't help yourself. "Would you like that?"

You tease him, your brattiness coming out, your dark makeup giving you a more sinister glance his way, you always felt more confident wearing it.

"N-No…" He starts, clearing his throat and glancing away.

There's the dork inside of him.

"I mean, we should definitely have meetings, yes. I just don't want the wrong idea…"

He says the last sentence softly, almost as if he doesn't want you to hear, or perhaps mention it. But you're suddenly in a mood, the little fly who likes to fight back.

"The wrong idea about what?" You lean over the table with a grin, your breasts pressing out of your top as you do so. Of course, Neo's eyes flash there and he is obviously kicking himself for it. "Has something transpired within you that I don't know about, Neo?"

You can't believe how bold you're being, but the way he's now clearly squirming from your questions makes you feel more in control at the moment.

"Nothing, but an interest in…" Neo drags his eyes away from your chest and continues. "In working together."

You laugh a little, but back off.

"Alright, well. Why don't you inform me on what you're working on now?" You smile, eager to begin working with this fascinating man. You feel more alive than you have in a long time, your suffocating bedroom being much of your world lately. This is exciting, and the pull you feel for Neo is undeniable. You wonder if he feels the same. Maybe you could come up with something mutually beneficial, besides working together.

"Well, currently I have some local gang members who want info from rivals who have been using an online chatroom to communicate." Neo seems relieved to get back to work talk, the stoic, quiet side of him settling back in.

"That's not very smart of the rival gang…" You mention, but nod for him to continue.

"It's not, no. But I think they have a resident coder because the chatrooms are locked up pretty tight. I wonder if any of them are secretly government…but who knows." Neo is being very kind to share this information, he must trust you enough right now to let you in, as well as coming to a commitment to your partnership. You almost bite your lip with glee over that revelation, but stop yourself.

"Interesting, I should probably work alongside you to keep you covered then. If any of them are undercovers, we don't want them noticing us in the process." Neo seems impressed by your words.

"Exactly. You're uh, pretty good at this for your age." He comments, acknowledging your age differences with caution.

"Yeah, I've been doing this for a while, and was taught by some pretty good hackers…" You shrug, as if it's no big deal. You want to be mature for him, even though 23 is plenty old, you feel quite immature half the time, hence your bratty behavior. Neo seems a bit skeptical.

"Sure…well. I hope you can do a good job of watching over me while I do the rest of the hacking. I've never had a…I don't know what to call it, an assistant?" He says trying to find the right word for you.

"Hey! I am not going to be your assistant!" You reject the notion, a bit childish of you despite your previous worry of maturity.

"Alright, alright…" Neo chuckles, raising those big hands in defeat. "What should I say instead? Colleague? Partner? Guardian Angel who looks after me?"

He jokes about the last one, but something inside you kind of likes the ring of that. You laugh along with him, you two are getting comfortable, and you notice he's leaned over the table towards you as well.

"We'll work on that one…" You say, looking into his eyes, his eyes searching yours just the same. The flash of the idea of closing the foot of space between you two and trying those soft looking lips floats by in your mind. You can just imagine what he would look like when you're done, his lips smudged with your lipstick. You can't help but want to mark your territory.

The two of you continue to discuss the details, both of you surprising the other with how much tech knowledge you both possess. Somehow, you feel as if he just gets you, it's so strange. You have felt so lonely this summer, it feels as if a fire has been ignited in you, bringing you back to life, your body buzzing. You don't know if it's the liquor you've had, which hasn't been that much really, but you feel like you could get addicted to Neo's energy. He's just so interesting.

When he asks to walk you home, you don't even think twice.

———

The night has brought rain while the two of you were in Club Hel, and Neo's mind is racing. He's absolutely obsessed with you. He couldn't take his eyes off you all night, even though he tried to act aloof and maybe even use his maturity to seem as if he has control over the situation. But the truth is, you could have him wrapped around your finger in no time.

Neo's aware of this, but the lonely loser inside him is so desperate for this connection. He feels as if he needs you. If he loses you, scares you off, that would crush him at this point. If he thought he was in trouble just from seeing your picture, coming and seeing your real life form has absolutely blown his mind. He has no idea how he scored talking to someone as sexy as you, but knows he can't screw up and show you how much of a nerdy perv he actually is. He's so glad the table hid how hard he was for you, and when you two stand up so he can show you home, he keeps his trench coat closed tight.

He quickly helps you into a cab, the rain just beginning, but by the time you're both inside the hot backseat of the cab, you're drenched. God, he can't believe how gorgeous you look with your black hair soaking wet, he watches the city lights glint off your now slippery breasts. He really can't believe you wore something so promiscuous to your first meeting with him.

He wonders if you want him as much as he wants you, but he almost can't let himself believe it. He wouldn't be able to live from another let down like that. He is pretty old to still be a virgin, one of his biggest secrets, and the fact that he's barely talked to girls, let alone never really had a girlfriend doesn't help. He's always felt like such a freak, and the stuff he's into, hobbies like hacking, kinks, or otherwise, have never been something women have been interested in.

But you?

Here you are, this gothic beauty who has the same passion as him. It's too good to be true. He can barely speak to you. He's so wrapped up in his own thoughts and nervous in the cab.

He wishes this were a real date, that taking you home meant he got to follow behind you. His thoughts tumble into going into your bedroom with you, pinning you to the bed, and him finally having his way with you. He's been picturing it all night. He wants you to moan out his name, tell him how much you want him, and take as much of his cock as physically possible.

God, he can't even hardly look at you right now his thoughts are so dirty.

"She probably thinks I'm such a huge freak I can't believe I haven't run her off yet." He finds himself thinking.

Neo wishes he could find a balance between this desperate horniess he feels for you, and being a normal man who has very good intentions with you. He can't help it, he's already lost to the thought of you tied up and willing. He can just picture his hands moving all over your body, tightening the rope where need be. He bets you even want the rope to be black.

"We're almost here…" Your angelic voice whispers to him. He's snapped out of his daydream, and he realizes the two of you are super close to his apartment. For a moment he worries he gave the driver the wrong address, but no, there you are, stepping out and leading him to your apartment.

Neo lets you take his hand, and run through the rain towards your apartment building. It's as if an electrical current is running between where you two meet, hands touching skin to skin, a need so bad that Neo wonders if he can control himself. The urge to pull you to him and smash his lips against yours, uncaring from the rain, is strong enough he has to stop himself. When you two finally get inside the building, you're shivering, your little bit of clothing soaked and not offering much heat.

"Here…" Neo says, taking his trench coat off, the leather allowing most of the water to glide off, the inside dry and warm.

"Oh! Thank you…" Your soft voice says, and Neo feels so good to be able to help you like this. When you turn to go up the stairs, Neo adjusts his cock in his pants, now that the trench coat is gone, he doesn't want you to see his hardness. He hopes you don't notice as he places it against his waistband.

The two of you walk up the stairs to your apartment, and Neo is almost angry with you that he can see up your skirt, spotting red lacy panties on your ample ass. Fuck. He has to keep it together, but it's so hard to keep his brain from fogging over with lustful thoughts of you. You two haven't even discussed anything romantic, he can't be acting like this, besides how much younger you are, you probably aren't interested, and, and…

Neo doesn't even notice you two are at your apartment before you're opening the door and turning to him. He feels entirely caught off guard by your big, innocent eyes looking up at him.

"Well, would you like to come in and dry off? I have a spare umbrella you can use when you go…?" The way you're speaking and looking at him right now, he could just grab you and push you inside, taking as much of your flesh in his mouth as possible. Besides the fact, that there's no fucking way you really invited him in.

"I-Yeah…I would like that." Neo finds his voice. It would be nice, his hair is soaking wet, now dark and in his face, the gel no longer keeping it as slicked back as he would like. He doesn't like feeling so disheveled, so out of control.

"Good, come in. You can sit on the couch…" You say to him, pointing out the couch and bouncing off to the bathroom to get a towel.

Neo sits as told, and takes in your apartment. It's small, has more rooms than his however, and the decor matches your style, a bit toned down in the living room and kitchen, but as he leans over he realizes can see into your bedroom from the couch.

He leans a bit more, and realizes he can see something else too. His cock aches when he notices that he's looking into the bathroom, the door isn't shut fully and he can see your form moving about in there. It looks like you are taking care of yourself first, stripping down from the skimpy goth outfit you had on.

Neo clutches the side of the couch, his breath stuck in his chest as he sees those lacey red panties, and now gets a glimpse of the matching bra as well. He wonders if you wore those on purpose for tonight, or if that's how you always dress.

Soon, he knows he absolutely should look away as your back is now bare, your bra slipping down your shoulders, from this angle not revealing anything quite yet. Neo can't help himself, his hand is pressed to his cock over his pants, just tiny bits of well placed pressure exciting him even more. He knows he can't look, this isn't right, he isn't supposed to see this, but god, he could cum in his pants right now if he keeps staring.

You continue to undress, your bare ass now facing Neo, your panties on the floor of the bathroom, you kick them towards a pile of clothes in the corner. Neo is totally entranced by you, rubbing on himself more and more, getting off on the fact that he shouldn't be looking, the forbidden intrigue becoming an obsession for him. He's so fucked.

He jumps when you begin to turn, and scrambles when you come out of the bathroom and into your bedroom naked. He moves back to his original position on the couch like his life depends on it, his heart beating hard. He tries to adjust to seem nonchalant when you eventually come back out, this time sporting a Bauhaus band T-shirt that's way too big for you, along with a pair of black sporty shorts. He isn't sure if this is hotter than seeing you naked to be honest, your hair is still wet, and your make up has been washed off. He feels as if he should only see this version of you if you only allowed him to be that intimate with you.

You toss him a towel and point into the bedroom.

"The bathrooms in there if you need to use it." You say with a smile, coming to sit on the couch yourself now. Neo nods and quickly stands, trying to hide his hot and hard cock. This might be his chance to help himself out, though the guilt of that is already starting as he thinks it.

He goes to the bathroom, and makes sure the door is shut. He can't let you see this. His pants are down before he can do anything else. His cock is freed, and the night air sticks to it. Fuck, he's so hard for you.

Neo is stroking himself off in your tiny little bathroom, trying to cover his mouth from heavy breathing. He's so scared you'll hear him or he'll take too much time and be suspicious. Honestly the nerves are making it hard to get off, then he sees something laying on the floor and groans.

He snatches your discarded red panties, not even questioning the morals of pressing them against his face and getting a smell of you. God, you smell so fucking sweet and musky, Neo could scream. He imagines fucking you like no other right now. He wants you against this bathroom counter, looking at your own reflection, watching yourself desperately need his cock.

He thinks about tying your hands behind your back, and pressing your face into the counter as he gets forceful with your tiny body. He's so much bigger than you by comparison, height alone gives him all the advantage he needs over keeping you in place and fuckable. He would easily be able to get what he wants from you.

The smell of your pussy on your panties is making his head spin, he keeps using his hand, harder and harder, getting to climax thinking about shooting off a load inside of you. He aims for your sink as he finishes, his disgusting actions leaving a mess there. Once again, fuck…

Neo has to just lean against the wall for a moment to catch his breath. This is the second time he's jerked off to thinking of you. God, he's such a loser. He briefly wonders if he made a mistake, if he goes back out there and by some miracle you actually brought him up here to fuck him, did he just both metaphorically and physically blow it? No, there's no way.

Neo shamefully cleans up after himself. He even makes sure to rinse his hands and the sink with soap, it wouldn't be fair to leave any evidence.

As he finishes up, and actually starts to dry himself off like he was supposed to, he sees the panties where he had set them next to the sink. He doesn't have time to think twice, he has been in here too long, so he swipes them and puts them into his pants pocket as deep as they can go. He hopes you don't notice them missing, my god, does he hope. He composes himself, then finds the confidence to stride back out there and look at you after what he's done.

You're lounging on the couch, flipping through channels on a tiny CRTV. You stop on a late night black and white horror movie. As Neo comes back out, he thinks he sees Bella Lugosi coming to seduce his female victim, and he can't help but chuckle.

"I didn't know you liked the classics." Neo says, your attention turning to him. If he just focuses on teasing you, then maybe he won't have to think about what he just did.

"Of course, Dracula is the best." You say with a smirk, as if he's the dumb one for suggesting anything else. "He's just so powerful and mysterious…"

"Powerful and mysterious, huh?" Neo responds, still standing by the couch, unsure if he's invited to join you.

"Why don't you come sit and see? It's still raining down pretty hard, maybe you should stay until it lets up…?" Neo can't believe his luck, but now he is really worried he came too soon in the bathroom. He slowly sits down next to you, hoping there isn’t some sign of what he just did in the bathroom stuck to him that he didn’t catch before.

"Alright, I'll stay for a bit," Neo tries to sound like this isn't his wildest dream right now.

The two of you continue to watch the movie as the rain gets worse outside. And somewhere between that and now, Neo realizes he may have just had that date with you anyways. His typically heavy heart feels like skyrocketing when at some point you move and lay your head into his shoulder.

The small movement shouldn't have him this flustered, but it does. The rain makes whatever perfume you're wearing smell so much better. It smells powdery with vanilla, musk, and fresh cotton mixing with the earthy scent of rain. Neo takes a deep inhale, nose tilted over your pitch black hair, and hopes you don't notice.

Eventually, the night wanes on, the storm still gently raging and the movie playing out. Somewhere amongst all of that, Neo finds his eyelids getting heavier. His body relaxes as you snuggle closer, and he can tell you are close to sleeping too. He feels like he absolutely should not fall asleep, this is so strange to him, he has never felt this sort of intimacy before. But he somehow feels so safe right now to do so, and it's not like he really has the willpower to deny you.

He lets you snuggle half into his lap, and finds himself falling into a peaceful, dreamless sleep…

———

A hot breeze flows in through your apartment window, and for a moment you wonder if this heatwave will ever break. August is droning on, not ready just yet to give out a final death rattle. Instead, it grips Chicago tightly in a humid warmth that has been suffocating, clouds threatening to rain but never delivering. You lie almost naked, save for a pair of black panties, amongst your bat themed bedding, a plushie here and there, staring up at the ceiling fan and wishing it brought you any salvation in your time of need.

It doesn't help that you are also thinking about Neo. More specifically, the last time you really saw each other. You thought maybe something more than an alliance between two hackers could have been budding when he fell asleep on your couch, but in the morning you awoke to only the scattered couch pillows on the floor.

He didn't even contact you for a week. Eventually, you heard that awaited notification noise, but it was disappointing to say the least. Neo had messaged you, but it was simply to ask if you could help with making sure he was good to hack into this or that, you really hardly cared for what the details were. The anger and hurt inside of you from being asked to be his digital guardian angel after how he treated you could rival the August heat outside.

Still, you complied. You had thought about telling him to go fuck himself, that you no longer wished to interact ever again, but what good would that do? It's not like either of you ever agreed to something more than a work based relationship. And what makes it worse is that deep down, you know how lonely the world has begun to feel. Even now, as you roll over in sweat drenched sheets, looking out to the skyline that stretches ever farther and farther, you know that despite all the inhabitants of this city, you have never felt more alone.

That fact alone was enough for you to do what Neo had asked, wanting to still be in contact with someone who may understand. Although he had ran from you, hidden away and obviously too frightened to ask to meet up again, you think the reason for all of that may be that Neo is lonely too. You have no evidence for this of course, but you could almost sense it from him. It’s something that burns low, almost burning out, inside both of you, seemed to speak without words when you met. And now all you can do is try to get your mind off it.

Tired of the thoughts running through your head, you huff, sitting up quickly and disgruntled with how much you've been lying about lately. You make the great task of getting out of bed and find yourself before your floor length mirror in your bedroom. What you see makes you frown.

Your hair is a mess, after having not washed it for a few days, your makeup is still on from last night. The black eye shadow and mascara have moved, now cascading down your cheeks in smudges. You look at your usually well kept nails, now riddled with chipped black nail polish from you don't remember when. You can't let it get to you like this any longer. You head for the shower, hoping to both cool off the summer heat, and the heat that this Neo situation has gotten you into.

———

The small fan at Neo's desk moves side to shuttering side, attempting in vain to keep the small room and it's only occupant cooled. Neo sits at his desk, head in one hand, eyes fatigued and tired, trying to fix the script for one of his latest codes.

He's been throwing himself into his work to forget about you. He hates that he got so worked up over you, that he was such a loser to even steal a pair of your panties upon his first time at your apartment. There was no way you deserved someone like him. Not to mention, that you should probably find someone around your own age, not someone like Neo, who at best is a shut-in who can't socialize, and at worst, well, to keep the depression at bay he might as well not say.

To keep this relationship between the two of you professional, he has spent the last two weeks since you two met attempting only to contact you for jobs. It was what was right, the older, more adult thing to do, instead of pursuing a young 20-something goth girl like you because he has a kink for black lipstick.

Still, he had a hard time keeping himself from you. He can hardly even admit it to himself, but he's been hacking your webcam. He starts by telling himself that he just needs to check up on you, especially when you leave his messages on read for hours, although he knows he deserves that after how he disappeared. It's innocent really, he will tell himself, that you need to be checked up on, that it's only to turn on the camera for a second to make sure nothing happened. It is, after all, dangerous work you two do.

Then, it somehow turns to leaving the camera on, letting your image sit beside him on one of the many computers at his desk. It's nice having you there, so close to your computer. You're probably working on the codes he sends you, or perhaps messaging friends, he hears a voice somewhere deep inside tell him to check out those messages as well, but he hasn't brought himself to that quite yet. No, you're simply a video on his screen, almost like watching a movie, or having someone in a cafe sitting next to him, quietly working on their own thing.

He even finds that he likes the music you play, he can't help but be interested to find out more about you in this way. He wishes he could ask you which Siouxie and The Banshee's songs are your favorite off the album, or if you had to choose, would you pick The Smiths or The Cure. It's these little questions about you that plague his mind all day when he watches you. Sure, he could simply ask you these things, but that would be both suspicious as well as violating the self appointed rule of making this a work only relationship.

The worst of it is when he can see you getting ready to leave. You still have a life outside of this. You go to Club Hel, you meet with countless other creatures of the night, and you enjoy yourself. Neo almost hates to see you putting on your goth garb for the day because that means you must be going somewhere, somewhere away from the green light of the screen where he can see you.

Neo sighs out, the heat and these thoughts getting to his head. His fist curls in his short black hair for a moment before he stands from his desk and stalks away quickly. He told himself he wouldn't watch you today, he would lay off that sort of thing, but the need to know is eating at him, and you make it so easy for him, having nothing to block his attempts to hack your webcam. If he were the adult he seems to think he is, then he would simply stop, or better yet tell you to up your cyber security.

But no, deep down, Neo knows. He knows he's weak for you. He knows he's looked through all the photos you've taken of yourself on your computer to post to this or that goth forum. He's looking at them, entranced by how bold you are, wearing only a black lacy bra in some photos with a Vivienne Westwood orb hanging between your breasts. In other's you show off your big platform Demonia's, and Neo wishes he could have you here, stepping on him with those chunky boots and telling him how pathetic he is that he has stooped so low as to cyber stalk you.

As his mind continues down its own rabbit hole with you in tow, he finds himself sitting back down at his desk. He's been a good boy today, not watching you at all yet, and it's late. So he deserves a little taste, right? Just a peek to make sure you're okay, to see what you're up to.

Before any sort of morality can plague him, his long, thin fingers are typing away, pausing only briefly to take a sip of black coffee. He keeps the drink on hand always, his desk littered with a few spare mugs, the insides of which are dry and have brown stains from where coffee used to inhabit. He continues to work around your security, until finally the screen blazes to life, showing the image of your room.

He doesn't see you in there, and for a moment a twinge of panic sets in. Are you out somewhere? You hardly left the house. Where would you even be? Probably somewhere old losers like him don't frequent, like the club. His mind burned at the idea that you could, very possibly, be out with someone else. There was no real reason for Neo assuming this, no. But the worry filled his gut right next to the lukewarm coffee, and he felt his hand tighten around the mouse.

His eyes scanned the screen for what felt like ages, before finally, your bathroom door opened, and he saw you step out in a black towel. Your long black hair is wet, leaving droplets on your shoulders. Your face is bare of your usual make up, and that, for some reason, feels more invasive for a moment to Neo than even the possibility of seeing you naked soon. In fact, his face heats up as the thought finally crosses his mind that there is no scenario in which to continue watching right now would be good, or morally right, in any such way.

There is also no world in which Neo does take his eyes away. He is glued to your pixels on the screen, and he even leans in to see better as you drop your towel on to your bedroom floor. He can see every inch of your body, so much more than what he saw in your private pictures or when he caught a glance of you through the bathroom door. No, this was enough that his cock was now struggling against his pants, which feel much too tight right now.

He is so immersed in watching your after shower routine that his hand moves on its own, opening his desk drawer and finding his current most prized possession. He finds the panties he had stolen from you when last you met, and can't help but press them against his clean shaven face, inhaling your scent while he watches you.

Soon enough, you're laying on your bed, air drying from the heat, your naked form exciting Neo through the screen. What he doesn't expect is that your own hand would snake up to your breast, your other beginning to play between your legs. Good God…Neo had never caught you playing with yourself in such a way since he started watching you. If he thought he was addicted before, it has nothing on what this does for him.

As if feeling commanded by your own touching, Neo quickly undoes his belt with a frantic and needy hand, stumbling as he does from how filled with want he is. He keeps your panties pressed firmly against his face, taking that sweet scent in while he watches you open your legs wider. He lets out a whiny breath as he finally releases his cock, his hand giving no foreplay to what he wants. He hates how much power you have over him, even if it's through a screen and that vast distance of ever flowing information. Somehow, Neo has managed to find himself entranced by you, as if you were some digital siren, beckoning him to keep watching as you dip your fingers into your cunt.

Neo's breath hitches as he continues to watch you feel yourself, and he can only imagine what it would be like to actually fill you up with his cock. If he was there, would your mouth part, opening to moan out his name? He wonders how warm you would feel around his cock, and the thought of being able to actually fuck you sends him closer to the edge.

Neo watches as you continue, your moans now loud enough that your computer microphone catches it. Neo can hear your soft, whiny moans in his headphones as you get closer, not knowing at all that he's watching you through your webcam. He has no idea that you're thinking of him as much as he is you. Not yet at least.

As you get closer, Neo's name falls from your lips in a soft whimper. Neo can hardly believe his ears, did you really just moan out his name?

It's confirmed once more as your pleading gets more frantic, as if moaning his name in such a way could will him through the computer screen and there to fuck you into your bed. You have no idea that that's what Neo wants more than anything. He stuffs his face with your stolen panties and continues to imagine parting your legs even further, his cock thrusting in and out of you instead of his own hand.

It's not until your legs shake, moving and tightening together as his name shudders from your desperate voice that Neo let's himself cum. No, he had to see that you in that moment, that ecstasy. That's what he wanted to give to you, what he imagined he had done, to make you such a mess on your own bedsheets. That's what was driving him wild right now as he finally finds his peak of pleasure.

As Neo finishes, he leans back in his chair, the little fan on his desk not doing much to cool the sweat on his skin. Neo has to find a way to catch his breath, his eyes droopy and unable to focus on much. He can still see your shape, vaguely, as you also seem exhausted in your bed so far away.

Fuck. He really was fucked, huh? There was no way he was going to be able to keep this relationship professional. Not with him stalking you, and how badly he wants you.

He can't even think of the implications right now, instead he crawls into bed, shutting off almost all of his computer screens. He leaves yours on, the green light cascading on his face. He watches you curl up on your dark bed sheets, naked and too hot for covers.

Neo falls asleep tonight to you and the sound of rain beginning to tap against his window.

-----

𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 Read chapter 4 here! Be added to Neo’s taglist here! ୨୧ૄ ࣪˖

#neo x reader #thomas anderson x reader #neo x goth!reader #neo x hacker!reader #matrix fanfic #the matrix fanfic #my writing

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a-court-of-fics-and-errors · 3 months

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Keep Moving Forwards, Part 42

The painting above is "Goodnight Hug," created by one of my favorite artists, Mary Cassatt. This piece is part of her renowned "Mother and Child" series, which includes a variety of paintings, pastels, and prints exploring the intimate and tender relationships between mothers and their children. These works are among her most celebrated and significant contributions to the art world.

Cassatt, Mary. Goodnight Hug. 1890. The New Yorker, 22 Mar. 1999, www.newyorker.com/magazine/1999/03/22/cassatts-children. Accessed June 28, 2024.

Azriel x Reader Fic

Summary: After finally deciding to leave your abusive and manipulative mate for good, you find unexpected companionship with Azriel, the Shadowsinger of the Night Court. As you navigate the aftermath of your traumatic relationship, you struggle to understand where the mating bond went wrong and contemplate your path forward, vowing never to return to the past.

Find other parts here: Master List

To follow this fic, follow tag "Keep Moving Forwards Fic" or comment to be tagged in future parts.

Content Warning: This story contains depictions of extreme emotional manipulation and abuse, detailed descriptions of direct physical abuse, and scenes of men hunting women with implied sexual assault. Please read at your own risk.

Word Count: 5.2K

Author's Note: This is a multi-part series. Unlike my previous works, this fanfiction delves deeper than just fluff, exploring complex emotional landscapes. As I navigate this new writing journey, I kindly ask for gentle feedback. The topics addressed are profoundly impactful, touching many lives with diverse experiences. Please be gentle with yourselves and others. Healing is a journey, and everyone processes it differently. Be kind to yourself. Take what resonates, and leave what doesn’t.

Please continue reading, being aware of the above content warnings, ensuring you are in a healthy headspace. Give yourself time to process and be gentle with yourself.

The gentle warmth of the April sun caressed your face as you reclined on the Townhouse balcony. You had taken it upon yourself to fill every inch of open space with a plethora of plants, each one showing off its first blossoms. Your prized purple hyacinths thrived and were now in full bloom, their fragrance filling the air.

The creak of the door handle alerted you to someone's approach, but you didn't bother turning around. At this early hour, there was only one possible person - Azriel, returning from his intense training session with Cassian. His strong hands landed on your shoulders in a comforting squeeze as he leaned down to press a soft kiss to the top of your head. "Good morning," he murmured against your hair.

You turned to face him, smiling up at him. "Morning!"

Azriel settled onto the chaise lounge beside yours, still dressed in his training leathers. His ebony curls were slicked back, held in place by beads of sweat glistening on his forehead. He stretched out his wings behind him, basking in the warm sunlight. With a slight lean, he unbuckled his shin pads and tossed them aside with a clatter. Then, he extended one arm towards you, silently asking for help removing his vambrace. As you carefully unlatched it, your fingers traced over the red marks left imprinted on his skin from the tight straps.

“You know, you probably don’t need to pull them that tight,” you remarked as you threw the leather straps onto the ground. Azriel flung his other arm over to you in response.

“I also don’t need them sliding down when Cassian is actively trying to stab me with a broadsword,” he quipped back with a playful smirk.

As the second piece came free in your hands, you scrunched your face in concentration and shrugged. With a clang, the brace fell to the ground as you leaned back in your chaise, closing your eyes to bask in the warm sun on your face. Azriel pulled back his arm, running his hands over the damp, sweaty skin that had been trapped by the armor. The two of you sat in peaceful silence for a few minutes before you broke it with a question.

“Good session?”

“It was fine,” Azriel responded nonchalantly.

“Anything worth noting?”

Azriel let out a slight chuckle before answering, “I’m probably going to have a nasty bruise on my back tomorrow. Cassian whacked me pretty hard with that practice sword.”

You turned your head to face him, one eye opening while the other stayed shut against the brightness of the sun. “Need me to take a look?”

Azriel shook his head, “Nothing to see. Just a red mark right now.”

“Did you hit him back?” You asked, turning back to soak up more rays.

“Oh yeah. He’ll have a bruise of his own. Probably a couple,” Azriel replied, a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

“Well, as long as you evened the playing field,” you concluded with a smile.

The warm rays of the sun kissed your skin, drawing out a contented sigh from you. After a long and harsh winter, the people of Velaris were finally basking in the glorious sunlight. From balconies to parks to the sidewalks, everyone seemed to be seeking out its gentle embrace.

"Did you just get up?" Azriel's smooth voice interrupted your peaceful thoughts.

You shifted in your chair, feeling the ache from sitting in the same position for too long. "Probably an hour ago," you replied tiredly.

Azriel chuckled at your disheveled appearance. "An hour awake and still in your pajamas," he teased.

You shot him a glare, but couldn't help the small smile that tugged at your lips. The male was sprawled across the chaise like a lazy cat, his wings spread open behind him.

"I have nowhere to be," you retorted, turning back towards the sun.

"Laziness," Azriel playfully scolded.

"Hey now," you countered, "I see no reason to get dressed when there's no one to impress."

Azriel opened one eye and smirked at you. "You used to wear such beautiful dresses when we first got together."

"And you used to shower after training sessions before coming to see me," you reminded him with a laugh. "We've both gotten too comfortable with each other."

Azriel let out a deep chuckle from his chest. "You started it when you asked me to check on that red mark on your ass."

You scoffed, "Who else was I going to ask? You're down there often enough."

"Oh trust me," Azriel said with a sly grin, "your face-down-ass-up position is definitely a turn on for me. But when you asked me if the red dot on your butt looked infected and then made me touch it...well, let's just say I've never been more flaccid in my life."

Your eyes widened as you turned to face him. "You brought it up!" you accused, trying to imitate his deep voice. "You said, 'Hey, you have another nipple on your butt.'"

"I was just letting you know," Azriel defended himself with a chuckle. "It's not like you could see it!"

You couldn't hold back your laughter, the sound ringing out like music. "But seriously," you asked in sincerity, "did it go away?"

Azriel turned his head to look at you, a mischievous glint in his eye. "Let me see and I'll tell you," he replied with a wink.

"Oh," you raised an eyebrow, your voice taking on a playful tone, "so my body ailments are a turn on for you?"

"And just like that," Azriel sighed dramatically, "you ruined it." He leaned back and closed his eyes again, a smirk resting on his cheeks.

—

You stood in the elegant foyer of Whispering Haven, the first apartment complex you had built specifically for pleasure makers. The walls were adorned with parchment paper, filled with colorful scribbles and drawings from the children who called this place home. The front hall was a chaotic mess of abandoned toys, like a battlefield of stuffed animals and dolls. You smiled warmly as two little girls came bounding down the stairs on wooden stick horses, their laughter echoing through the space. Titania, the manager of Whispering Haven, called out to them with a mix of amusement and exasperation. "Bryn and Oriel, when one of you comes tumbling down those stairs, don't come crying to me with those big tears! If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, don’t be running on those steps!"

You chuckled lightly at her words. She turned back to you, slightly out of breath as she pulled a pen out of her red bun.

"I swear those two will be the death of me. Alright, where were we?" She asked, glancing down at the book in your hands.

"So we have seven new applications for housing," you began, dragging your finger down the list. "Three of them are single mothers with young children, one is a single father with his son who just turned thirty, and the remaining three are single women."

"We ain't got the space to take on all four here right now," Titania sighed.

You furrowed your brow in thought. "Is anyone planning on moving out soon?"

She shrugged. "Meliora mentioned something about wanting to move into something more permanent on her own in the next few months, but she's been saying that since she got here."

"I could check in with Relon over at the other house," you suggested. "She might have availability to take on at least one or two."

"If the single females are willing to have roommates, I could take on two of them," Titania offered.

With a heavy sigh, you closed the book in your hands and slowly looked around the room. The realization that you had somehow made this place come to life hit you like a ton of bricks. "I'll make some inquiries," you murmured to

yourself, trying to center your thoughts. Suddenly, Titania's voice broke through your trance.

"How you doing doll?" she asked, her ruby red lips already stained with lipstick.

"What?" you replied, raising your eyebrows as you turned to face her.

She smirked at you, "I feel like I ain't seen you in a while."

You shrugged and let out a small laugh, "We see each other like three times a week."

"Yeah, but I mean actually talk to you. Not just about this stuff" She gestured to the room around you.

You smiled sheepishly at her, "I know, I know. I'm sorry."

Titania reached out and ran a bony hand down your arm, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "It's alright, love," she said kindly. "You have time for a cuppa?" Her eyes lit up with excitement at the thought.

Taking a deep breath, you nodded. In reality, you had about seven other things on your to-do list for today, but Titania was right - you had been so caught up in everything that you hadn't made time to actually see her. You followed her down the hallway and past the stairs into the large industrial-sized kitchen. With fourteen females and two males with children, as well as two single males living under one roof, the kitchen had to be massive. As you walked in, you saw Bryn and Oriel perched under the kitchen table, their stick horses tied to the counter handle as if it were a hitching post. They were giggling and playing together happily. Titania's heels clicked against the floor as she made her way to the stove, flicking on the burner and placing a kettle on top. You reached up to grab two mismatched tea cups from the cupboard. Each one was donated from a different store or restaurant in the city, but somehow it all came together to create a charming and eclectic collection. After all, no one living in the house matched each other either.

With a surge of courage, Oriel emerged from under the table and scurried over to Titania, her tiny hands tugging on the silk of her dress. Titania turned to look at her with surprise. "May I be of assistance, ma'am?" She asked incredulously.

"Could I have a snack," Oriel whispered eagerly.

Titania's eyes widened in shock. "A snack?" She exclaimed loudly. "But didn't I just feed you and Bryn lunch not even an hour ago?"

Oriel giggled mischievously, her eyes sparkling. "Yes, but I'm hungry again."

"No, no ma'am, I didn't just feed you for my own enjoyment," Titania scolded gently. "I distinctly remember you saying that you were too full to finish your sprouts."

"But now I'm hungry again," Oriel insisted, swaying back and forth on her heels and toes.

Titania rolled her eyes and placed her red tipped hands on her hips. "What am I going to do with you?" She muttered in exasperation.

Oriel simply laughed as Bryn crawled out from under the table to join her friend. "Bryn wants some too," Oriel announced proudly.

You had heard about Bryn, the nearly forty-year-old child who had never spoken a word to anyone. Some said it was because she had learned to stay quiet when her mother was soliciting males. Others believed she just couldn’t speak at all. It broke your heart to think of such a shy and isolated soul trapped in her own mind. But Oriel seemed unfazed by it all - in fact, she talked enough for both herself and Bryn. And despite their differences, Oriel was fiercely protective of Bryn. You had seen on more than one occasion Oriel straddling a boy twice her size, tiny fists wailing down on them after they had been bullying Bryn.

"Of course she does" Titania replied, looking down at the two happy, albeit dirty, faces. She glanced between them before sighing and turning to the cabinet, retrieving two wafer cookies from a jar. "Now if I give you these, will you promise to eat all of your dinner tonight?" She held the treats just out of reach from their eager hands.

The two girls nodded eagerly, bouncing up on their toes.

"I mean it, Bryn. All of your beans," Titania warned sternly. Bryn nodded in agreement. "I don't want your mothers coming to me later saying you didn't finish your dinner."

The girls promised to remember and Titania handed over the cookies with a smile. They scampered off happily as Titania called after them, "And don't go telling any of the other children that I gave you snacks. I don't want to spend the rest of my day playing snack dispenser." But the girls were already out of earshot, giggling and sharing their treats. Titania let out an exasperated sigh, her vibrant eyes rolling as she deftly plucked a wafer cookie from the plate and popped it into her mouth. She turned to face you, gracefully sinking into the plush chair across the long dining room table. The fragrance of freshly brewed tea lingered in the air, and you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort wash over you. Titania poured the steaming water into two waiting cups, the gentle clinking of porcelain filling the quiet room.

"So," she began, stirring a spoonful of sugar into her tea. "How have you been?"

You cradled your warm cup in your hands, letting the steam rise up and envelop your face. "Busy," you replied with a small smile. "But good."

Titania's warm smile mirrored yours as she took a sip from her cup. You couldn't help but marvel at how she never seemed to burn her tongue despite never waiting for her tea to cool. "And you and that guard?" she asked, raising a perfectly groomed brow.

With a roll of your eyes, you corrected her. "He's not a guard. He's the spymaster."

A mischievous glint appeared in Titania's eyes as she teased, "As long as he wears those tight pants, he can call himself whatever he wants."

You couldn't hold back a soft chuckle as you took a sip of your own drink. "He's very skilled at his job."

"I didn't ask about his skills," Titania clarified with an amused smirk. "I asked about the two of you. But if you want to share about the skills he has feel free." Titania winked at you.

Peering up at her through your lashes, you responded coyly, "We're doing well."

"How well?" Titania leaned an elbow on the table, resting her chin in her palm.

"Very well." You arched an eyebrow playfully.

Titania grinned at you and cocked her head. "And he takes good care of you?"

You couldn't help but smile at the thought of your partner. "Very much so."

"And do you feel safe?" Titania inquired, her tone soft and caring. "With him?"

You nodded emphatically, a sense of security washing over you. "Absolutely."

"I'm glad to hear that, my dear." Titania reached across the table and squeezed your hand affectionately.

“What about you?” You asked. “How are things?”

Titania scoffed and motioned around the room, “This is how things are.” You laughed lightly. “I have a roof over my head, a belly full of food and for the first time, no odd rashes in my nether regions.”

After you had opened the first apartment complex, you had offered Titania the position of manager in hopes of getting her out of Pleasure Making. It was clear that the physical toll of the business was taking its toll on her aging body. Although hesitant at first, she eventually accepted the offer and now managed the complex full-time. And now, seeing her in this new role, you couldn't help but feel proud of her.

“I’m glad,” you sighed contentedly, smiling at her.

Her gaze drifted up to your forehead and she clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “What about your mate?” she inquired, pointing to your head. “Still causing trouble?”

You looked upward as if searching for an answer within your own mind. “Not as much,” you admitted. “I think I’ve finally learned how to block him out or maybe he’s just getting quieter.” You shrugged. “Regardless, I’ll take it.”

“Good,” Titania nodded approvingly, leaning back into her chair. “I’m glad to hear that.” She fell silent for a moment before asking tentatively, “And what about finding him? Have there been any leads?”

You shook your head sadly. Azriel had done everything in his power to locate Caelum and bring him to justice for Kai's murder, but the elusive male seemed to have vanished without a trace. You could only hope that he was far away or suffering in some dark, lonely cavern. "

“I'm sorry,” Titania said with genuine sympathy, her expression hardening at the mention of Caelum.

You shrugged nonchalantly, trying to brush off the weight of the past. “It doesn't matter anymore,” you confessed. “I'm happy where I am now.”

Titania's smile softened into one of understanding. “The best revenge is not letting him affect you.”

“I don't even care about revenge,” you admitted, shaking your head as you stared into your steaming cup of tea. “I'm just grateful for where I am now.”

You couldn't bring yourself to tell Titania about Philip and the truth behind his identity. Part of you didn't want to know if she had been aware all along, and another part wanted to hold onto the blissful ignorance of pretending she didn't know. Perhaps one day, if the opportunity presented itself, you would ask her. But for now, it was enough to bask in the happiness of the present.

“Titania,” you continued, “can I ask you something?”

The female across from you peered up from her cup which she placed back onto the saucer with a clink. “Of course.” She said, but her tone was slightly incredulous.

You weren't sure where this question came from, but it tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop it

“If you could have done any other career, what would you have chosen?”

A faint furrow appeared between Titania's brows as she chuckled softly. The question was absurd, and you knew it. Titania had never had the luxury of considering other options for her life. Every day was a battle for survival, a constant struggle for safety. But now, in the presence of a strong woman who had overcome her circumstances and built a fulfilling life for herself, you couldn't help but wonder if she ever allowed herself to imagine the "what if's" of life. She sucked her teeth, her eyes not meeting yours. “I don’t know.” She said shrugging lightly, leaning back in her chair and crossing her bony arms.

You leaned forwards, “Anything, just if you could choose anything else."

Titania let out a sigh and gazed up at the ceiling as she considered your question. Did she envision herself in these alternate realities? Or did she simply imagine someone else living the life she wished she could have had? "My life wasn't unhappy," she offered finally, meeting your eyes again.

You were taken aback by her response and worried that you may have offended her. But before you could apologize, she raised a hand to stop you. "I had a very full life," she continued, reminiscing on all the experiences that made her life worth living. "I traveled, saw the world - or as much of it as I wanted to. I met wonderful fae, experienced life, ate good food, read good books."

You smiled at the contentment in her voice. Perhaps you had underestimated her struggle and discounted her as someone who was merely suffering through the world, not as someone who built herself around it.

"Life wasn't easy," she added with a hint of defiance in her tone, "and it certainly hasn't been handed to me. But if there was one thing I could have tried that I didn't get the chance to, I would have loved to be an actress." She nodded confidently, folding her hands in her lap.

You smiled lightly at her as she recounted everything that made her life so full. Perhaps you had discounted her as someone who was suffering.

“Life wasn’t easy. It certainly hasn’t been handed to me, and I don’t expect it to start being fair now.” She continued. “But I think if there was anything I could have tried that I didn’t get the chance to I would have loved to be an actress. “ She nodded, contently, her hands folding into her lap.

You tried to keep your jaw from falling to the floor. It made sense, with Titania’s eccentricities, her overall demeanor and command of a room. She was most certainly a personality fit for the stage. But to think of her, prancing around, wearing costumes and reciting lines someone else had written for her, you couldn't help but let out a small laugh, trying to hide it behind your hand. But Titania's scowl made it clear that you hadn't done a very convincing job.

She shook her head and sighed exasperatedly. "Oh alright," she said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. "Go ahead and make fun of me."

Your laughter bubbled up again and you apologized through tears of mirth.

"It's okay," Titania dismissed your apologies with a wave of her hand, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. "I know what you see when you look at poor old washed up Titania – no way could she ever be an actress." She shook her head and chuckled softly.

You managed to calm yourself down enough to speak without wheezing from laughter. "No, no," you reassured her with a wide grin. "That's not what I meant at all." You stifled another round of giggles before continuing, "I just never would have expected you to say that."

Her eyes widened, “Well what did you expect?”

You also didn’t have an answer to that question, perhaps you should have had one ready before you asked her it, but any answer she might have given you seemed absurd. She was Titania, the enchantress of pleasure and desire. Her aura exuded confidence and power, and no one dared to argue with her. She was fully and unapologetically herself.

But you searched for a label that would encapsulate her essence - something professional, rewarding, poised. “I don’t know.” You shrugged, trying to come up with an answer on the spot. “Healer?”

Titania rolled her eyes at your suggestion. “Sure.” She said incredulously.

“I’m serious!” You insisted, determined to justify it. “You’re empathetic, kind, you care for people.”

“That could also fit into thirty other professions.” She raised a sharp brow in amusement at your attempts.

“I know, but…” You searched for a better description, your eyes darting around the sparsely decorated room. The soft glow of candlelight danced on the walls, casting shadows that seemed to mimic the ebb and flow of conversation. “You always made me feel safe.” Titania’s expression softened slightly, her gaze meeting yours with understanding.

Her presence alone was enough to calm your racing heart and ease your worries. It was as if she had a special power, a way of soothing even the most troubled souls. You couldn't help but admire her for it. "You always knew how to get children to settle," you continued, "ways to get them to understand without words."

Titania let out a small laugh and rolled her eyes, "Let’s be honest, at this point, you've raised more than enough children and fought through more than enough childhood illnesses," you joked, trying to lighten the mood. "You should have a healers degree by now."

Titania let out a small laugh and scoffed at you, but as she returned her gaze to you there was an unmistakable warmth behind it that made you feel at ease. She always had that way about her, making you feel like everything would be okay no matter what. “Losing you was one of the biggest heartbreaks I’d ever felt,” she said softly.

You tried to keep yourself from looking astonished. This sudden shift, this sudden flood of emotions from Titania was unusual for her, but you just held her gaze, silently urging her to continue.

“You were so full of life. Every day you woke up ready to take on the world and announced that you were going to be a force within it.” She chuckled lightly, shaking her head in amazement. “I’d never seen a child with so much to give.” She averted her gaze to the table, where her fingers traced patterns on the dark wood surface.

“I think that was because I had you.” You offered softly.

But Titania didn't look at you, simply shaking her head with a small smile. "No, that kind of spirit isn't something you learn," she said with certainty. "You came to me like that. Just full of reasons to live, even despite what you had been put through."

You couldn't help but smile at her words, your gaze following her fingers as they continued to trace the patterns on the table. “I wish I could have grown up with you,” you whispered softly, feeling a small fire of anger for not having had more time with her.

Titania lifted her eyes to you, a sorrowful expression etched on her face. The lines of her brow deepened as she gazed at you with a certain intensity. "I don't," she said softly, her voice unwavering.

You met her own gaze as she continued. “You deserved more than the life I could give you.”

You shook your head no, but as you did, one of those long bony hands reached out to you, grasping yours. “I wouldn’t have let you live the life your mother had. Or I had.” Her touch was surprisingly gentle as her thumb traced your hand lightly. “I think that if your mother had continued on the road she had, without taking you away, you would have seen things your tiny heart couldn’t have handled. I think…” she paused, “I think that it would have been selfish for me to make her stay knowing how it would have hurt you.” You felt a rock forming in your throat as she continued, shaking her head. “It broke my heart when you left, but I think your mother knew that there was nothing left for you here. Nothing that would help you.”

You shrugged, your voice breaking slightly as you filled in the pieces she was missing. “I don’t know if it was much better after she took me.” Titania’s eyes shifted to yours, “I don’t remember much after we left.” You shrugged, “Just bits and pieces with her. I remember a lot more from when I was living with you.” You wondered silently if it was because the child who lived those moments couldn’t handle the memories of what happened to her in those woods, in those early years when it was just your mother and you. Perhaps it was the only way to keep you from falling apart. Perhaps your mind kept you safe by forgetting.

“But I do remember her crying a lot. I remember when we finally made it to the little village we lived in she would just spend days in bed, just sobbing.” You continued, Titania’s hand squeezed yours.

“I guess that’s the withdrawals she was going through?” You shrugged, “But I just remember crawling into bed with her and just crying with her. For days and days. But at some point I stopped crying, and I would just lay there with her, listening.”

Titania’s fingers began running along your hand again, but your gaze was empty as you searched through the small memories you had. “I think that the other villagers that there was something wrong, but it was such an isolated community that most everyone just kept to themselves. They all had their own issues that no one had the time to come knocking on the door of a stranger.” You shook your head, “But one of the only clear memories I have was leaving the cabin after a few days, when we hard run out of food.” Your eyes narrowed as you tried to pull back those images, “I remember going into the woods and finding some berries to help the ache, but they must have been poisonous because I just got so sick afterwards. But I remember going to another cabin, when I got better, and knocking on the door. This other female opened it, looking exhausted and overwhelmed with five children surrounding her.”

You laughed lightly at the image of this tired, disheveled female, not much older than your mother swinging open the door. Her eyes purpled underneath as three small children played at her feet, one of them whining and barely hanging from the hem of her dress while and a baby strapped to her chest, also screaming.

"I must have looked close to death because she immediately brought me inside and sat me down.” You shook your head, brow furrowing as you dug deeper, “The cabin was so small. I think there was only one bed in the whole place.” You chuckled. “It was tiny, I mean tiny. Only one room which was just covered in clothing and dirty pans and pots. And the children, gods the children they just whined like they had limitless amounts of breath in their lungs.”

Titania laughed, “As they do.”

You continued on, “I remember she offered me a biscuit.” You nodded as the picture continued to paint itself, “Yeah, she did. And she kept having to swat away the other children who kept trying to take it from me.” Perhaps they were hungry too, you thought. “But I wouldn’t eat it in front of her. I just kept telling her I had to take it back to my mother.”

Titania’s focused was solely on you, even as a small child ran in through the back door, squealing and screaming, clanging pans together as they exited. It seemed as though her only world was you.

“I don’t know how it happened,” you continued, “But I remember taking the female to our cabin. And the other children came with. And I remember she brought a basket of some food. I can’t imagine she had much to spare though.” It was a small basket, you recalled, with barely more than some slices of hardened bread and a few pieces of jerky. “She told me to wait outside with her children who were only slightly more civilized than feral. And she gave us a biscuit to share, which the other children immediately stole and ate. But she went inside, and was in there for a while.” It felt like an eternity, but as a child, five minutes felt like hours so you weren’t fully sure how long the female was inside with your mother. “But when she came back out, she was holding my mother up by her arm.” You felt your eyes go glassy. “She looked so pale in the sunlight. And she was so skinny. And her eyes were just,” you own eyes widened, “just bloodshot.”

You felt Titania gulp.

“But the female looked at me and smiled and she told me everything was going to be okay now. She said that she was going to help us” You let out a breathy smile, shaking your head. “I don’t know what she said to mama. But she seemed to change after that. She still had her bad days, and I remember her just being more quickly angry, but she actually started living again.”

You paused, blinking, sifting through memories that had disappeared from you. Titania interrupted your thoughts, “Do you remember what happened to the female?”

You flicked your eyes up to her, “I know she came to the house once a week, with her flock of rowdy children in tow,” you laughed, Titania did as well, “And I guess she was checking to make sure we were both still alive.”

“Did you know her name?” Titania asked.

You pursed your lips, shaking your head, “No,” you said, your voice hollowed, “I don’t remember it.”

Looking back on the memory as an adult you were now aware how much that female had done for you, for your mother. In a world that had been so cruel to the both of you, this one female, with almost nothing of her own, shared her food, clothing, blankets with you. You recalled how in winters when it was even too cold for the small wood stove to warm your cabin, your mother and yourself would go to her cabin, crawl into that too small bed with her children and herself and sleep with each others body heat being the only warmth. And now you couldn’t remember her name, and that brought a pang of guilt through your stomach.

“When did your mother leave?” Titania asked.

You shook yourself from the feeling of sadness that wormed into your belly. “I wasn’t that old. Maybe a little over ninety?” You offered.

“So you were with Caelum and his family for a while then.” Titania stated more than asked.

You nodded. “His mother took me under her wing.” You shrugged. “Until Caelum and I secured the mating bond.” Those memories, that small happiness when you felt a sense of family felt poisoned by knowing what came next.

Titania smiled at you, with a sincerity that warmed your heart. “You are raised by the world, doll.”

You shook your head, “No, I’m raised by those who know The Mother is cruel, and decide to ignore her.”

Titania chuckled, “What does she know?” Titania teased, her hand gripping yours tightly, “She’s just some bitch who hasn’t seen the world.”

To my readers, I miss my mom so this was more for me than anyone else: @thatacotargirl @mcuamericaa @lilah-asteria @florabelll @fightmedraco @marvelbros-oneshots @mariahoedt @quinzzelx @romantasyreader28 @minnieoo @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @annabethgranger123 @krowiathemythologynerd @scatteredstardustt @caroline-books @sleepylunarwolf @slytherintaco @sevikas-whore @sidthedollface2 @acourtofbatboydreams @quiettuba @julesofvolterra @skylaralchemist @darling006 @loglady00 @caninne @weepingwerewolf @that-one-bibliophole

#acotar fanfication #azriel fanfiction #acotar slow burn #azriel slow burn #acotar reader insert #azriel x reader #azriel x y/n #azriel shadowsinger #azriel fanfic #acotar fanfic #acotar fic #Keep Moving Forwards Fic #azriel reader insert

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youremyheaven · 1 year

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vedic astrology observations

in my previous post, i had observed how pisces rashi and bharani nakshatra gives a native immense acting ability, here i'll provide more examples!!

the legendary indian actor, dev anand was revati moon

ewan mcgregor has UBP sun

James McAvoy has UBP mercury and venus with mars in revati

Anya Taylor-Joy has either UBP/Revati moon and most likely UBP/Revati rising she also has mars and ketu in Revati

Jessica Chastain has UBP sun with mercury and venus in Revati (amatyakaraka and atmakaraka respectively)

michael fassbender has Revati sun and venus

daniel day lewis is a bharani stellium (sun, mercury and venus)

humphrey bogart was a bharani ascendant

3 time Oscar winner, Frances McDormand is bharani moon and ketu

8 time nominee and 2 time Oscar winner, Cate Blanchett is bharani ascendant and has venus in Revati

Joaquin Phoenix, the absolute GOAT has UBP moon

Cillian Murphy has Jupiter in Bharani atmakaraka and Ketu in Bharani as well (they're conjunct)

2. expanding on my previous observation as to how many Punarvasu & Pushya women play mistresses/home wreckers or are involved in such dynamics in real life, here are a few more examples;

Revati & Rohini are two other nakshatras that crop up often

Marion Cotillard played Pablo Picasso's mistress in the movie Midnight in Paris. in real life, she was accused of having an affair with Brad Pitt when he was married to Angelina Jolie (this is a speculation). She has Pushya moon conjunct Saturn and Jupiter in Revati as her atmakaraka

Dorothy Dandridge's best known role is that of a seductress and here, in Tamango she plays the mistress of a naval captain. She was Punarvasu moon and Pushya rising

Anouk Aimee often played vamps/seductresses and in one of her most iconic roles in La Dolce Vita, she played the mistress. She has Revati mercury conjunct mars (her amatyakaraka) She was also rumoured to have had affairs with manyyy people including JFK

Carla Bruni (yes, the woman whose face Bella Hadid stole) has a very chaotic romantic life. She was in a relationship with Raphael Enthoven and was formerly his father's mistress 💀She is Punarvasu rising

Lou Andreas-Salome was a psychoanalyst, essayist and intellectual. She was muse and lover to some of the greatest European minds of her time (and all time) including Freud, Nietzsche and Rainier Maria Rilke; these men were absolutely obsessed with her and she was a major influence on their work. She has Ketu in Punarvasu

Wallis Simpson, the woman for whom King Edward abdicated his throne, thereby forever changing the course of history was still married to her second husband when she met Edward. She has Mars in Revati as her atmakaraka and Jupiter in Pushya (exalted)

Meghan Markle, the woman for whom Prince Harry left the royal family is Punarvasu rising. She has mercury conjunct rahu in Pushya

Eartha Kitt, the complete siren & seductress, who had affairs with Orson Welles, Paul Newman & James Dean and many other businessmen and heirs was a Punarvasu moon. She was a dark skinned mixed race woman who had established herself as a sex kitten in 50s & 60s America after having grown up in abject poverty; she did something that was impossible and then took it to a new extreme and became the nation's obsession

Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy was muse to Calvin Klein & Ralph Lauren and met her future husband JFK Junior when he was still dating actress Daryl Hannah (unsure if they began dating at this time). Their marriage was short lived as they both tragically passed away in a plane crash in 1999. She is remembered for her timeless style. She was Punarvasu moon.

Asia Argento played the titular mistress in the movie The Last Mistress, she has Jupiter in Revati atmakaraka and Saturn in Pushya darakaraka

3. I had previously observed how moon ruled/jupiter dominant/cancerian girlies tend to have a large chest 👀

now ill talk about what placements give men a naturally wide, broad, big, buff and bulky frame and body😌😋

men who have prominent Mars/Jupiter/Cancer placements are naturally big, buff and bulky and have wider frames 😌 another important factor is the involvement of a large yoni animal (buffalo yoni, elephant yoni & cow yoni imo)

Hasta & Swati have buffalo yoni

Revati & Bharani have elephant yoni

UBP & Uttaraphalguni have cow yoni

(others have already discussed how our yoni animal influences our appearance so i wont go into that; just know this much, the bigger the yoni animal, the bigger the guy)

i did not mention Mars in my post about voluptuous women because Mars influence gives a big, broad frame and does not really guarantee big breasts or curves (unless affected by other placements) so its very yang in nature

(obviously other placements will also impact a native's appearance and you can look like this and not have these placements as well!!)

let's start with the legend himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger. he has Pushya sun, Punarvasu stellium (mercury, venus and rising) you can say its the steroids making him look this way (im sure they were involved in his Mr World era) but the man is in his 70s and he's a tall, broad shouldered bulky guy😌so go argue with the wall

Sylvester Stallone is Punarvasu sun and Saturn in Pushya darakaraka. He has Chitra moon conjunct Jupiter

Vin Diesel is Punarvasu sun and mars in Chitra. He has Ketu conjunct Swati ascendant

Dwayne Johnson has Chitra rising with venus & mars in Mrigashira, saturn in Rohini and ketu in Pushya

Jean Claude Von Damme has Chitra sun & rising, Uttaraphalguni moon, mercury (atmakaraka) and venus in Vishaka

Steve Howey, Punarvasu sun amatyakaraka, jupiter in Mrigashira atmakaraka, ketu in Revati and mercury in Pushya

Jason Statham, Pushya sun UBP moon Punarvasu mercury atmakaraka, mars conjunct ketu in Swati, saturn in Revati

Namjoon aka Father of Kpop has Mars in Punarvasu as his amatyakaraka and tropically most likely has Moon in 1h. Anyone who has seen those tiddies knows there is an undeniable cancer influence at play 😋🤭 He has mercury in Hasta, venus & jupiter in Swati and Ketu in Bharani 😋😋

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tumblr only allows 30 images per post so look out for part 2 <333

#astrology notes #vedic astro notes #sidereal astrology #astrology observations #nakshatras #astrology #astro observations #astro notes #vedic astrology #astroblr #astro beauty #astro community #namjoon astro

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11queensupreme11 · 2 months

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Queen, can I ask you what skin color you headcanon Percy with? I have little experience drawing dark-skinned and tanned people, so sometimes I give her not very vivid colors, it kills me🫠🫠🫠

it's basically a deep warm natural tan like these:

the first one is ai, and i think the second one is too, but the third one is fanart of centurion from reverse 1999 (someone introduced me to her because of how similar she looks to percy, look she even has the white/grey streak!!!)

#👸🏻| asks #👸🏻| arsenic blues

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edgygayguy · 3 months

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Replayed the quest just now and I realized that at the end stalker doesn't just go to Lua, he goes to the place where our somatic pod was (Second Dream and The War Within). I missed that detail the first time. All the other pods are still closed, idk if I'm reading too much into this but what does that imply. Most tenno still are stuck within the second dream?

Also at the end when there's a poster captioned "protector". The only thing in the discourse that got under my skin was some prolife mf tweeting about how great it is that the game portrayed a father as a protector of the family or some shit. At the time I didn't give it much thought but now I realize that that guy was so wrong, but I don't expect someone with the intelligence of a prolifer to see anything that they don't want to see. Jade was the protector up to that point, she saved Sorren in that flashback from the start, she (maybe) took the most of the orokin's wrath after their affair surfaced and literally after she dies she gives Stalker a temporary invincibility and supercharges his weapon (I don't think they did that because it would suck to be killed holding a baby, if they wanted to just avoid that they could do what they did with the second dream and make you unable to drop below 2 health).

Now I fully believe the quest was good, it was a bit too short but I'm more satisfied with it now than after first playing through it. I'm sad that we won't get any new info at least after 1999, but that's just Warframe. I wonder if I'll be 40 and still waiting for new quests lol.

#jade shadows #warframe #jade shadows spoilers

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yojeongin · 2 years

Text

happy together | m.l + l.dh [FINALE]

→husband!lee haechan x reader x bff!mark lee

genre: smut, angst, hurt, marriage au, love triangle, forbidden affair, friends to secret lovers, 90s/00's au

synopsis: with you by his side, mark's convinced things are finally going his way. his mind is set on his plans but haechan has plans of his own that also include you.

warning(s): ADULTS ONLY, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! toxic marriage, mutual infidelity, morally grey characters, jealousy, distrust, possessiveness, fingering, finger sucking, unprotected sex, public sex, oral sex, mild sadomasochism, hair pulling and scratching kink, accidental voyeurism, biting kink, pet names, lots of making out, manipulation, all parties purposely hurting each other, smoking, mentions of death.

wc: 29.5k+ || soundtrack || ao3

part 1 | epilogue

disclaimer: this is purely fictional; in no way am I condoning this behavior, trying to offend anyone, nor is it meant to place such image on the idol, these are ONLY characters. read at your own discretion.

an: legend says ella y yo by don omar y romeo santos was made after hyuck confronted mark about the affair lmfao. ik I said morally grey but... they border on evil atp kinda. the epilogue will be mark centered, there's no hyuck or happy together yn but mark's actions there will be consequences of what happens to him here. don't be confused it will be mark x reader just know epilogue yn isn't the same as happy together yn lol.

The leaves had long fallen by the time you and Mark continued what started that afternoon at the lake. From early October to late December with a few days left of 1999, all that’s left is the inquiry of how the year would end.

But right now that didn’t matter to either you or him. Not when he had you perched on the counter. The cold ceramic against your ass makes you squeal with every single one of his thrusts. His upper half was bare. Shoulders littered with red marks from your fingernails and teeth prints elicited by his every stroke.

Mark felt swollen and warm inside you. Every movement made the both of you hyper-sensitive knowing an orgasm was soon to come. Your clothed upper half absorbing all his sweat and yours. Almost rasping his chest to a burning extent but he doesn’t complain, as long as you’re close.

His breath tickled your neck; the hairs on your nape stood whenever his lips landed on the flesh; restraining themselves from juvenile markings. Your lips parted whenever his teeth nipped the skin. His tongue eased the slight pain from his actions to repeat them until you pulled his head by his hair, bringing his mouth to yours.

With every tug of his hair, Mark’s pace increased and your whining became louder; pulling your hips closer to his. His hands were warm against you, perspiration making his clinging easy. Soft to the touch and in need of more.

“Fuck I’m going to—“ he halted, feeling spurts come out in strings while you held him closer to you. “Yeah?” You ask, kissing the side of his face. Your insides coil in pleasure with every thrust along the friction of his pelvic bone against your clit.

“I’m going to cum!” He exclaimed, holding even tighter to you. Every time you two found yourself in this situation he held you like this, scared that if he didn’t you’ll feel like he didn’t need you enough. Almost as a tactic to make you crave his touch and affection.

You caressed his hair, hand dropping its grip to let your fingers cradle his head as he thrusts within you. Pistoning at a cruel pace but anything for either of you to reach your highs. Feeling him within your walls, touching every crevice with his cock.

In a matter of seconds with a few more thrusts from him, you felt yourself come undone. Your moans mixed with whines that he swallowed when slotting his lips with yours, ensuing in a sloppy kiss. He came second, pulling out when he felt he couldn’t hold off anymore and ropes of cum latched themselves onto your thighs.

Even after, he didn’t pull away from you. His left arm wrapped around your shoulder and his right around your waist, grasp as tight as before. Yours was loose on him, arms trembling while trying to cool off; Breathing heavily against his bare hot skin.

It was then that it dawned upon you two that the buzzer and the home phone were ringing maniacally. You tried pushing him off to see who was this desperate to get in touch but he didn’t budge. His fingers only dug into you. Your eyes widened at his actions. This has become quite normal in the past months that you’re starting to accept it but not too fond of it.

The home phone that stopped ringing and his own abandoned one beside the both of you began with anger rooted in. Mark swallowed the lump that had gotten stuck in his throat when seeing the caller ID. He threw you a glance, putting his finger up to his lips as advice.

“Hyuck? What’s up, dude?” His hand pushed you closer to him.

“Where the fuck are you guys at? I’ve been calling, ringing the buzzer, leaving voicemails, even paging you both, and not one response. What the fuck?”

He paced around feeling defeated by the cold; phone to his ear gripping it without a fear that the plastic would pop off. You could hear him; so much anger in his voice, exasperation from the unknown. That desperation made your insides flip, satisfied with his frustrations.

“Oh sorry, we’re in the room working on a piece. The music was all the way up.” Mark‘s fingers began caressing your skin, hoping you’d make a noise but nothing came out of you. He wasn’t lying about the music or the piece but that was long before you two had decided to act on any carnal instincts.

“Can one of you buzz me in? it’s fucking cold and there’s no one in the lobby. I couldn’t find my keys in the morning either.” His chattering teeth product of this horrid winter in the city. His words had made you realize the bathroom window was open and along the honking of cars outside, the biting breeze entered in swirls. Piercing your exposed skin the longer Mark held you there while working to remove the smell of sex.

“Uh, yeah— yeah, give us a few secs to wash off. It got messy, ha.” He looked at you, but your eyes were nowhere insight. “Alright, plea—“ Mark didn’t let him finish. He ends the call, tossing the phone towards the wall and letting the already chipped-off paint smear itself more.

He didn’t move; cooling down before he was to let you go and begin to clean off. Looking into the mirror behind you. Mark didn’t want to admit it but he was beginning to hate the act of sneaking around and fucking his best friend’s wife on the time windows he wasn’t home. It didn’t help that after a month, Hyuck was coming home earlier than usual, decreasing his time with you.

Mark knew he shouldn’t have gotten attached. Even when he used the excuse of Hyuck being a complete shit to you; on a moral scale, Mark would be in the wrong too. Especially when you’re his childhood best friend’s wife.

But with all that moral guilt, Mark wasn’t sorry for being with you. He loved the feeling he got when sneaking around. He loves when he’s buried deep in you, hearing you moaning, and whining for his touch. He loved knowing you smiled and laughed because of him and not because of Hyuck who would only cause your mood to deteriorate.

Yet with how much he loved all that, he hated that you were still Hyuck’s despite how much Mark told himself you were his. His piercing hatred-filled glare through the mirror and towards himself said it all.

With one last push at his chest, Mark separated himself from you. He watched you clean off his dried cum in a rush, complaining about how much of a hassle it was. Pulling out body wipes to remove the lingering smell of sex and sweat off of you; leaving no sign behind for him to see.

Mark watched you through glaring eyes. With every passing second he stood bare before you, his chest compressed. Feeling his emotions trying to suffocate him more and more. Reality did its best to make him see the bigger picture he’s avoiding. In addition he receives your exasperated hand motions and expressions for him to get out of the way and start getting cleaned up.

The door was left ajar on your way out. He could see from the slit your jumpy steps to spray yourself with perfume after changing shirts and the house with a spray that sat on the kitchen counter after buzzing in Hyuck.

When he saw you coming closer to the bathroom again, a sort of relief washed over him but it was taken away when you harshly closed the door. Depriving him of what you’re doing to make the apartment comfortable for him: your husband.

He stood motionless for a second. The surrounding noise filled his understanding of what was behind that door. A timer was ticking in his head, the tapping of your shoes replaced the ticking. Every second became louder and his chest trembled knowing the outcome.

Mark heard his breath, shaky and unstable while his eyes widened. The scent of air freshener crept in through the bottom slit of the door. Filling his nostrils the second he heard the front door shut; that loud boom shutting off the timer.

He sighed heavily, eyes shutting tight while simultaneously lowering his head in frustration. The muffled words of the pair pushed him further into these deep feelings he was harboring.

“God fucking damn it.” He curses, enticed by the sound of your voice calling Hyuck ‘honey’. His head turned towards the door, jaw clenching but that’s all he could really do. At the end of the day he was living under his roof and eating his food.

He reached for a hand towel, wetting it to pay away the staining sweat and dry cum that lay on his thighs. Pent-up frustration still lingered, enough to toss it with too much force into the hamper as he put his clothes back on.

Mark leaned over the counter again, mimicking the position the both of you were in before his best friend’s arrival. He still felt your warmth, it always lingered around. His gaze fixates on itself through the mirror.

That noticeable damage stress causes slapped on his face, muscles visibly tense. All his thoughts were the same lately: You. That's all he thought about. Whether it was positive or negative, you’re the only one crowding his thoughts.

He takes a hold of the doorknob, a soft sound emitting that causes Hyuck to turn towards the closed room. You don’t turn to it, fixated on flipping through the channels of the television. Your hand on your hip, and some small humming slipping along.

He was aware of the hesitance of the one behind the door. Becoming alert, he raised himself from the couch. Enough to not draw attention from you, when he saw that the knob was turning and the door was now ajar; his hands took a hold of your waist pulling you towards him.

While Mark looked at the happenings before him with disdain, you dismissed the older male. Laughing with your husband about him startling you; complaining about the lingering pain from his grasp. He held you tightly, back to his chest, and for once in the past years, he felt comfortable.

For the past month or so things had been going too good to be true with Hyuck. At the beginning in which you and Mark began this rendezvous, you both continued to bicker and argue with hopes of completely ruining each other. As time progressed, you stopped inciting arguments with him. You still wanted his downfall to continue but for now, ignorance was bliss.

You ignored him and kept the peace for the most part, too tired to continue the cycle he still tried to keep up. It was comfortable at this point. But when he began to feel foolish and embarrassed that you didn’t continue or follow along, he took it as a small victory, a glance that things were turning for the better. Quite honestly he felt good, not feeling neglected anymore was nice.

But Hyuck was no stupid man. With something like that, there’s always an underlying factor. Especially when it comes to your mercy. Though his inkling began the night of your anniversary dinner, he began to notice the lingering touches. And at times you still argued you’d always run off to Mark’s room, refusing to get out. Making him drag Mark towards your shared room so he wouldn’t sleep in the same room as you.

Though he never actually caught either of you doing anything. That pang in him worsened as the days progressed. And seeing how much you preferred being around his best friend was killing him. He hated seeing how you laughed and had a conversation with Mark but not him.

He hated seeing you smile at Mark but become cold whenever Hyuck came home. It didn’t help that you always smelled like Mark. Whenever he arrived, the smell was prominent enough that it even intoxicated him when you two slept.

He began coming home earlier in late November. Always pretending to fumble with the keys to give you both time to become decent if he was to catch you. But every time he opened those doors you’d be in the kitchen or lounging on the couch. Alone.

Those times he’d sigh in relief. Eyes searching for Mark just to find him on the balcony smoking with a look of angst that kept getting worse as days passed by. He felt foolish each time, angry at himself for doubting you both of ever betraying him. Only he was sick enough to ruin you, he should know better than to think of you in that light.

But it never got easier. Jealousy is consuming him daily even when he keeps telling himself there’s nothing to worry about. His jealousy is not too different from Mark’s. While Hyuck might enjoy your affection and present love, Mark was hating how quickly you changed the roles. Now it was him you treated like worthless trash and only had around for a quickie. If anything he now felt neglected.

“Did you find your keys?” Mark asks, settling on the free couch across from you. Hyuck turns to him, his smile falters. Both men ported that subtle defiant glare with each other. He shakes his head, turning from him to you, and presents you with a smile, making one of your own form too.

He liked this. This was comforting even if he knew nothing ever lasts between you two.

“Haven’t looked for them yet.” He answers, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. He pauses for a second to glance at Mark again. His scent strongly lingered on you even if you thought the perfume could drown it out.

Mark looks at you momentarily, hoping you’d decide to get out of Hyuck’s grasp to at least show some care but that was wishful thinking. “You should’ve rung other tenants, they probably would’ve let you up.” He remarks of his long wait, turning to the TV in hopes it would aid him in ignoring you both.

He hated this, it was unbearable.

“I guess.” You look between both of them, repositioning your legs on Hyuck’s lap and hooking your arms around his neck. He holds you tightly, hands taking a grip of your thighs and waist. Mark tried not to see the way he caressed you. His fingers glided over the fabric of your skirt and looked at you as he teased the idea of them going under.

Getting fed up from your quiet giggles and his best friend, Mark stood up ready to head towards the rooftop but Hyuck stopped him. “Where are you going?” Mark looked between his hand and your face, seeing how you did nothing to avoid his gaze. “Smoke, why?” His foot begins to jitter the longer he remains there.

“Let’s eat first. I have some news. ” Hyuck answers, helping you both off the couch. His hand clutches yours, pulling you towards the dinner table. Mark followed suit, sitting across you while boring daggers into your eyes as Hyuck warms up the food that had gotten cold in the trance of waiting.

“Are they bad ones?” Mark questioned, glare not dropping trying to figure out if it was disinterest or guilt in your mirroring gaze. “You’re home earlier than recently and even brought food.”

Haechan granted him a chuckle, the microwave’s buzzing muffling it. “You can’t let anything slide.” Shaking his head, your husband took the seat beside you. “Not bad at all actually.”

Mark didn’t seem to enjoy the answer, opting to gather the drinks. While it went unnoticed by Hyuck, you couldn’t help but feel the hostility weighing down on your shoulders. To ease that, you decided to pry for an answer as well.

“No but actually, why are you home earlier?” You ask, preparing his plate despite his protest. This was so different that the quick change-up still felt foreign to all of you but mainly Mark. It’s almost mimicking the life you two had while newly weds.

He turns to you with a stoic look, swallowing the piece in his mouth. “Why? You don't want me to? Was I interrupting something?” You muster a nervous laugh, kissing his cheek to deflect. “Not really. We were working on last-minute touch-ups for Mrs. Oh’s commission.” You squeeze his hand and elicit him to smile in return, dropping the hostility.

“I know it’ll turn out great.” Oh, he was so full of shit and you knew it. He can act all he wants but his feelings towards your art will never change. “How’s the painting going, Mark?” His focus shifts to the quiet man. Mark had that same angry look plastered on his face, obvious that he wasn’t enjoying himself.

“Good. Your wife is of great help.” He raised his beer bottle, guzzling the liquid as if his life depended on it, without a care for his liver. Hatred seemed to be the only thing that filled your husband’s body upon the sentence spilling from Mark’s mouth.

His slow chewing and persistent glare towards the older male made this tense dinner worsen. “That she is.” His voice had deepened when the words cascaded. It was ruining your night how obvious they were being. But if they weren’t going to act upon it and grant you entertainment, then you’ll have to shift that tension.

“Hyuck, you never answered my question.” You turn to him, dropping your grip from the fork and leaning back on the chair rest. “Right, well. I’ve been working with them for a while–”

“You’re quitting?!”

“Let me finish, love.”

He grins trying to hide his dissatisfaction with your interruption. His hand takes a hold of yours, squeezing it. “I’ve been overworking myself. Working overtime to the point it’s been a big reason our marriage is the way it is…” You don't meet his gaze, it drops just like your stomach knowing what he could mean.

Not only does it cause sadness but it also irks you that he’d drop that in front of Mark. Sure he knew you guys weren’t doing good but why bring it up now that you’re both ignoring it?

Regardless he continues. “What I’m getting at is that I have some hours accumulated and I’m taking three months off.” Both you and Mark turned to him startled. Three months was a lot for a simple vacation and when you think about it, he’s not that pleasant when he has free time at hand.

“That’s a lot of time, Hyuck. What do you even plan on doing?!” He could hear the concern in your voice, you still weren’t ready to see him day and night. Mark seemed to have your sentiment at heart. He too was thinking of how awkward and uncomfortable things will be with him at home.

Yet all Hyuck could do was laugh wholeheartedly until it turned dry and low, glaring at you both. “You two don’t seem to want me around.” His fork hits the plate with a loud thud, your eyes rolling at his attitude. Just when things were nice, he always had to sneak in his tantrums.

“It’s not that, you just haven’t had time to yourself in so long. What do you even plan on doing?” At that second Mark felt warm. The tone in your voice reminded him of how you would talk to Hyuck months prior. It gave him hope that you two would cut the crap and go back to argument after argument. At least then you'd run to him for comfort.

Donghyuck pouted, nodding in agreement. “Yeah... That’s why we’re going on a trip.” He pats your thigh, a smile creeps on his face. “A family friend has allowed me to use one of their homes. I thought it’d be nice to spend New Years there since we spent Christmas here.” He looked around for a reaction, a little annoyed that neither gave him one.

“Well?” He raised an eyebrow, smile faltering.

“When do you guys leave?” Mark questions, a dumbfounded expression on his face. Hyuck pressed his lips together with a twinge of guilt the longer he looked at his friend. Has the hostility been so bad that he's not including himself? Well… Mark’s best interest wasn’t that at heart.

“Tomorrow and you're going too.” He points his finger for visualization. In the second Hyuck’s gaze drops to search for his napkin, Mark and you both turn to each other. Mark questioned what would be of this relationship while you wondered what your husband was planning or if he truly was clueless. Nonetheless, the biggest concern was how your little game would continue with Hyuck around 24/7 now.

Donghyuck’s plans only seemed to interfere with Mark’s. Even more now that he was thinking about all the things he planned on revealing as a surprise. Mark didn’t have three months. In fact, at the beginning of the year he had to start moving into his new apartment. Having you two help him move in was going to be the reveal but now everything was ruined.

“Are you okay?”

Your genuine concern broke both of them out of their trances. Mark turned to you with his big round eyes, feeling his chest warm again; in awe of your simple actions. Hyuck’s chewing slowed down when he looked between you and Mark; confused and scared at the same time.

“Mark?”

“Um… yeah it’s just–”

Fuck he missed hearing you say his name endearingly.

In that instance he gave you a sly smile, scratching his head in discomfort. “I actually can’t stay the whole three months.” A sort of apology settled in his eyes knowing you're both confused.

“I already found an apartment and I wanted it to be a surprise for you guys when I start moving in… I get the keys on the second.” He chuckles nervously, avoiding your gaze but turning to his best friend.

You knew that day would come. In fact, your fear of him leaving is what led to both of you starting this affair. Yet you didn’t think it would be this soon. What was once hostility between your husband and his best friend now transferred between you and Mark.

Maybe you didn’t care too much that he was leaving anymore but you did care that he hid something that big from you. It’s like he didn’t know you at all. Surprises were never your thing and if he had pulled that on you when the time came, you’d be absolutely furious with him.

“Did they give you hell for the working situation?” Hyuck’s voice interfered with your internal monologue, turning your gaze from Mark to him. “Kind of… I mean I’ve shown them proof of freelancing with the paintings and even if that wasn’t enough, I’ve managed to get Taeyong’s help in being a co-signer for payments. Just until I finally settle with the artist studio.”

“It’ll be sad to see you go. Right, y/n?”

“Right.”

“So does that mean you’ve gotten a job?” Hyuck excitedly questions, forgetting the remainder of his meal. Mark’s body sways at the mention, a smile forming on his lips. “Yeah…” He spoke, trying his best to not seem too excited.

While the two seemed to be celebrating, your mood had soured. He found an apartment and chose his location but didn’t tell you any of it and then complains that you’ve changed. He truly wasn’t any better.

“What location?”

“Huh?”

Hyuck hums in confusion, seeing your expression. “I want to know what location he chose. Yasuki gave him two options. So which one?” There your husband lets out a confused chuckle, shaking his head and leaning back on the chair. “Why haven’t I heard of this?” He laughs a bit more, pushing his plate away from him.

“Because you’re never home.” Your hostility was ruining the night now. What started with them was ending with you. It was not helping Hyuck’s feelings when it came to you and his best friend. When he thought it was a simple delusion, your reaction to knowing Mark was leaving left a bitter taste in his mouth to the point he was blaming the meal.

Mark cleared his throat, sitting up straight. “I’m going to give digital work a try. So that studio— it’s an hour away.” He gulped turning to you in fear of how you’d react. It wasn’t that far from each other but you still weren’t processing that he was going to leave you.

An awkward air surrounded the three of you. While Hyuck went back to eating and you played with your food at this point, Mark cleared his throat trying to rid of that anger that filled him earlier. As much as he despises your recent treatment, it pained him more to see you sad because of him.

“So, what time do we leave tomorrow?”

“Not too early. There’s still some errands I have to run before we leave the apartment alone.”

Hyuck lifts his head, answering Mark before rising from his seat. “Are you done?” Your voice cuts through. You were used to him leaving the table whenever but you didn’t want to be alone with Mark right now. At most you knew he’d cling to you as a means to ask for forgiveness and you didn’t want to deal with it.

He hums, taking his plate and washing the remains himself. It’s been a while since he’s done anything to help around the house. The action alone causes some irritation with you despite knowing you should be glad. “I’m waking up early tomorrow so if you excuse me I’ll go wash up and sleep after the game.”

Making his way to the bedroom and soon after back out to the bathroom; Hyuck closed the door behind him feeling that chilly breeze from the open window. Everything seemed fine but an ominous feeling enveloped him upon looking at himself in the mirror. The light fixture above emits a green hue to compliment the dark tiles.

He couldn’t point his finger at it but being in this space and in the position of him leaning against the counter was causing that ache in his chest again. If he remained any longer he could see himself form scenarios in which he wouldn’t be happy and he rather not disrupt the peace you all reside in. For now at least.

As soon as Hyuck turned on the shower, Mark joined him in opening the faucet to finish washing the dishes. “Just leave them there.” Your monotonous voice filled his ears. Head turned to you with a hum as he scrubbed the last remaining utensils.

“I'm already finished, don’t worry about it.” He tried smiling. “Jesus fucking christ seems like everyone can do things themselves now.” You didn’t give him time to respond, opting to walk towards the living area. Flipping through the channels to get some watch time before Hyuck either forced you to watch the match or subtly shoo you away.

Mark looked at you dumbfounded. He knew you were upset with him, enough to make him regret ever not telling you the news when he heard them. To an extent Mark knew you didn’t like things being hidden from you (though you adored hiding things from them). But he had justified his actions by hoping you’d be ecstatic by the time the reveal came.

In his mind, he pictured you happily helping him move into his new apartment. Happy to see him finally start his life all over again with hopes this time he wouldn’t fail. Sometimes he wished you’d end up moving in with him. Leaving Hyuck and this faux persona you’re both creating nowadays.

But by the looks of how you’re taking in the news, he should’ve planned better. Things between you two became complicated and mostly carnal. So he’s been trying to avoid making you upset but nothing was working. He was becoming a burden to you in his eyes and he was starting to feel frightful.

“I’m going to go smo—“

“You do that.”

Your fingers threaded through your hair like his had earlier, not granting him even a direct look. Cutting him off after deciding to just watch the remaining minutes of the match before the one Hyuck wanted to watch.

Mark’s mouth was left ajar, speechless at how easily you blew him off without remorse. This same thing has become quite recurrent every time he upsets you and as much he tries not to, each time you leave him feeling useless to the point he’s stuck to your hip doing anything you want.

He nods in disappointment, taking his box of cigarettes and keys, making his way to the rooftop. With the door closing behind him, you sigh in annoyance with what life is bringing your way.

By half time, Mark had come back ignoring that bubbling jealousy as you caressed an angry Haechan whose body you enveloped as comfort given his team was losing. Three hours later he had woken from his slumber to the faintest sound of the television still on in the living room.

Curious and with a dry throat, Mark stood from the bed making his way to the living room, opening the door as quietly as he could.

“Today through this exclusive TV offer you can get twelve fascinating issues of Zoobooks for 19.95…”

Distracted by the advertisement, you hadn’t noticed Mark approach you in awe after realizing the shirt you’re wearing is his. Small details like this made him forget all those abrupt outbursts you’d throw his way that only made his heart ache. If only he knew how many of these Donghyuck has endured.

His arms wrapped around your waist pulling you to his chest. Lips landing tenderly on your neck and leaving playful pecks. Your low giggles made his heart swell, hands taking a grasp on his own to loosen his grip and let you turn to face him.

“Hyuck you should be asleep…” You drag out the ‘e’ once face to face with the older male, your smile falters upon the realization. His mirrored yours; smile dropping, eyes filled with despondence, and a knot in his throat.

“Oh… it’s you.” To an extent he could hear the pity in your voice, subtly apologizing for confusing him with your husband.

“What the fuck do you mean by that?” His sadness had become anger, that same knot choking him to a physically painful extent. Despite that, your pity had subsided and boredom was evident.

“What if it was him and I said your name? I don’t want either of us to die before the New Year.”

In his entire anger, he hated that his only thought upon your words was: ‘I wouldn’t mind dying with you.’

With that thought alone Mark was beginning to feel frustrated with how easily his emotions ranged because of you. Nevertheless ending his turmoil of emotions, you pulled him down to the couch with you. Encasing his lips with yours once situated to give him some peace of mind.

A kiss was always enough to calm him down. Pulling you closer to his body and resting his hands on your hips as you both continued this lustful kiss. Sighing into the kiss once he felt like he needed a breath of air; one of his hands traveled to hold your face carefully. His warmth radiated to your cold cheek.

“What are you doing up this late?” He whispers, repositioning himself to the armrest on the right and pulling you to his body. Mimicking the position you and Hyuck were in earlier.

“Last minute cleaning before we leave tomorrow.” You took the remote control from the coffee table, disrupting the once semi-comfortable position. “I’m starting to regret it knowing he hasn’t packed anything yet. Have you?”

“Not precisely. I had packed everything for when I started moving into the apartment—“ and he knew he fucked up right then and there.

Your body became tense against his, hard enough that he feared you had become a statue. Shutting his eyes in regret; Mark started beating himself over not being careful with his words. He had gotten so used to speaking freely with you that he was beginning to fear he’d have to censor his vocabulary now.

In a frenzy of panic, the words escape his mouth with fear: “Move in with me.”

There was no denying his words had startled you. Removing his grip from your body to face him, the questions brewing in your brain engrave themselves into your face.

While Mark worked with that nervous laugh that escaped him involuntarily, his hands reached for your face to plant short kisses onto your lips in hopes they’d ease both of your emotions.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah!”

A peppy feeling in his chest. “I mean it’s smaller than this place but I think you’ll like it.” Your eyes scanned his face, a layer of blush flushing it the longer you stared. The effects of being stared at by someone you love.

“The terrace is spacious so you can have all the plants you want. The bedroom can be your studio and we can have the bed in the living area.” He was so happy and blinded by the scenarios of having you in his home as his wife that he couldn’t see the gears turning in your head.

How willing were you to follow through?

An amused laugh escapes your lips. Mark felt the airy comfort of acceptance to which he mirrors your laugh, kissing you now that he’s satisfied.

“Sounds like a plan, huh? You can do whatever you want while I work for us. I mean I like you and you like me. We can start from square one, I really like you, y/n. Go with me, what else do we need?”

You knew what was needed but for now, you’ll bask in his boyish delight and kiss him like many times before; igniting his hope.

Mark took your kisses as confirmation. Hopefully a few days from now you both will find yourselves running off and leaving this stagnant life. It could be true, this may be your yearned fresh start.

He held your body closer, pillowy lips encasing yours to swiftly place them against your jawline. He created a path amongst your cold skin. A fluttering feeling brewing in your stomach the closer his lips got to your neck.

His tongue lapped at the flesh, drawing circles until he kissed it to create a tingle to run up your spine. Mark was always delicate when kissing your skin. Yes, he wanted to show Donghyuck and everyone what he did to you but for respect towards you, he restrained himself.

“I’ll make sure you’ll get clients no matter what. You can even work remotely from the apartment or not at all if you don't want to. I'll do fine enough.”

His warm whisper traveled up your skin to your ears, booming within your head but not much in a pleasant way.

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes…”

The word left in a groan, hands moving your hips to make you grind against his growing bulge. Quite interesting how easily he can get turned on. He was too enthralled with the way your body felt against him and his hopes to start a new life that he didn’t notice a wave of fright wash over you when hearing the slight creaking from your bedroom.

Not wanting to worry the man beneath you, you smiled, taking his face into your hands. He returned the smile wider, leaning in for one final kiss of the night. Your unexpected moves of getting off him creating a whine to slip from his lips.

“Good night, Mark. Remember to pack up before he finishes his errands.”

You didn’t give him time to return the words or feel frustrated with the mention of his best friend but it didn’t matter. All he cared for was the new life both of you were set to start together.

Fear had always plagued you upon entering this room even before Mark arrived. Whether it was because you knew an argument would brew or because you’d have to sleep in it alone. Things are different now. Now the fear stemmed from entering the room after your rendezvous to see Hyuck staring at the door until you entered, ready to lash out for these years of misery.

But in this reality he wasn’t staring at the door. He sat on the bed, back towards you while looking outside the vast window. Curtain pushed to the side that made copious amounts of neon lighting enter your shared bedroom. His figure had made your heart stop, begging for clemency at the fright he gave you.

You feared he heard you and Mark speak let alone any of the noises any of you could’ve let out from making out. While your heart banged against your ribcage to be let out, Hyuck restrained his bitter chuckle. That familiar smell swaying its way to his nostrils. At least you were in the room with him now.

“Can’t sleep?” Your words didn’t elicit a response from him, if anything he could barely produce a sigh. With no response you approached him. Climbing on the bed, feeling the mattress sink under your knees, complaining about your abuse until you reached him. Wrapping your arms around his waist like Mark had done to you earlier, lips laying on the crook of his neck to take a whiff of his musk.

“What were you doing?” He asks, avoiding your own question. He didn’t need an answer, he knew perfectly what you were doing. Now that he had you this close, that pungent smell of Mark on you suffocated him. It didn’t help that the walls were thin and he could hear both of you murmuring. He may not have heard actual words but it was enough to know you two were together.

His head turned to look at you upon not gaining an answer. It’s not that you took a while but he wanted to familiarize himself with your face whenever you were lying, just like you knew when he lied.

“Cleaning before we leave. I don’t want to come back to a dirty house.” You answer, kissing his cheek with a smile right after.

Fuck. There’s no incriminating factor. Perhaps you're used to it by now.

Hyuck hums, sighing once again to rid his nostrils of Mark’s lingering scent. It was painfully intoxicating his loins. If he didn’t do anything about it, he feared not waking up tomorrow morning. Death by heartache.

Shifting in his spot, Hyuck takes a hold of your body, laying you slowly underneath him. The image before you made your heart swell, giddy excitement filling your entire being. He didn’t do anything besides hover over you but that remorseful look in his eyes made you feel inherently nice.

You didn’t want to feel this way. As much as you act civilized and occasionally loving towards him and in front of Mark to put up a facade, you are still angry and hurt for what he did to you nearly two years ago. You still hated him with your entire being but sometimes the nostalgia of happy moments took over you and made you miss him like crazy.

You knew you hated him. But despite how much you hated him you will always have that parasite in your system that’ll force you to remember the times he’s made you happy. And now that you found yourself with him hovering over you and looking at you lovingly, you seemed to cave.

When you thought he was leaning in for a kiss, his lips landed on your forehead. A tender and soft kiss is what he laid on your skin, taking in the scent of your hair rather than Mark’s. At least this would help ease his aching heart.

Hyuck wondered if this feeling is what you felt when you found out about him and that girl. He never saw you cry about the situation but instead saw you tear down the house with any argument that ensued due to the subject. Perhaps he should be the one to act that recklessly. After all this was between his wife and his childhood best friend but he knew he wasn’t brave enough for that.

In contrast to his inner turmoil, you found the action sweet. Trying your hardest to avoid that feeling of giddiness he was causing you. You two stayed like that for a few minutes, enough for his own scent to rub off on you from how close he held you. Satisfied, Hyuck pulls away, a gush of cool air getting between your bodies to remind you of that lost warmth.

“Don’t overwork yourself, you’ve done a good job keeping the house clean.” His voice still held that sleepy hoarseness, making his praise fill you even more with satisfaction. While he laid on his side again and whispered a sweet good night, you took the opportunity to turn to him and steal a kiss.

For the first time in a while, you initiated the kiss. Catching him off guard, Hyuck opens his eyes surprised before easing into it. Reminded how sweet kisses from you were and how much he had missed them all this time.

Pulling away with a smile on your lips, Hyuck returns it amused. “Good night.” You whisper, laying your head on his chest while his arm wraps around your shoulder pulling you closer to him. You two may feel hurt for the actions you’ve both taken but for tonight you’ll play along with those emotions that crave the comfort of puppy love.

The next day came quicker than expected. All of you had different illusions created regarding your relationships and Mark seemed the most excited about the ones he’s created. Not that you wanted to ruin that hope but you needed time to think about it. On one hand it’d be a perfect way to finally ruin Donghyuck and make him pay for what he’s done to you but on the other it was such an abrupt proposition that you’re still trying to process it.

And for the past three hours, you’ve sat calmly in the passenger seat of your car now that Haechan finally finished his errands, road trip in process. Both of you hand in hand with the radio working as the only source of sound. Even with that, Mark’s bitterness couldn’t be taken away. The image of you being so loving towards the man you fought with daily was consuming him in the worst way possible.

Can one forget everything said that easily?

He tried distracting himself with anything he brought but even that couldn’t do anything for him. His glare shifted from you to Hyuck anytime someone talked. For the past hour both you and your husband had been passively debating on what to eat before arriving at the vacation home. Mark had given up his rights to make decisions, not caring much about what he ate. If it was for him, a good cold drink and a cigarette would be considered a meal.

“I don’t want to eat pasta again this week.” you whined, fingers squeezing his. A low grunt left your husband’s throat, rolling his eyes at how hard it’s always been to get you to choose what to eat. “Then let’s stop at a rest area and buy something from those restaurants?” His voice got louder, not enough to be considered aggravated but enough to make Mark shake his head with a grin.

“And eat in the car?! We still have two hours left, I don’t want the smell to stay!” Mark covered his face with his hands, laughing silently seeing you let go of Haechan’s hand. You pout in dissatisfaction while Hyuck ran his fingers through his hair, a huff of annoyance escaping him.

It wasn’t long until the sun went down and due to his busy morning, he didn’t get to eat breakfast or lunch. Poor guy was on the brink of fainting from starvation. “We should’ve ate while you were putting gas.” The words escaping you had traveled to Hyuck’s ear, leaving behind a bitter tone.

Raising the hand that was in his hair, he turned to you irked. His face was red, mouth agape in disbelief since you were the one who didn’t want to eat in that area. “I told you and you didn’t want to!—”

He was abruptly cut off when a popping sound was heard, dissipating any anger and laughter from anyone inside. Right now, you all felt confused and scared realizing it was the sound of a tire the second the rubber began flopping on the concrete and the drive was no longer smooth.

“Just what I need, Jesus fucking Christ.” Your husband mutters, opening his door angrily to get out and inspect the damage. You looked at him with the same expression he gave you before beginning his berating but now you followed behind to see what happened. With everyone gone, Mark is left alone in the car, realizing this could get much worse.

“Pop the trunk, let me get the spare out.” Donghyuck states, patting the metal and looking at you a bit tired. But your ashamed grimace was putting him out of ease.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I don’t have a spare…”

He rubbed his face, sighing in frustration. “Are you being serious, y/n? Why don’t you have a spare?!”

"I— we took it out to transfer the first batch of canvases to Mrs. Oh's house, we just didn't bother to put it back in..."

He wanted to yell at you. To start an argument in which both of you would tell the other to die without saying the actual words. He wanted to walk away and leave both you and that traitor alone with the car just as long as he was far away; but he couldn’t.

Things have gone well and last night had given him hope too. Haechan knew he couldn’t ruin things this fast over a tire or being hangry. The only rational thing to do is sit down and act like he was fine, like it was all fine and under control.

Taking a seat next to Mark, the both share a brief look before sitting in silence, defeat washing over your husband. Mark didn’t give any input and you yourself didn’t know what to do. Only thing that came to mind was comforting Hyuck.

That in mind, you push his legs together, taking a seat on his lap and making him face you after wrapping your arms around his neck. He looked beautiful in your opinion. His plump lips formed a pout, lids heavy from exhaustion. Even when dull you adored his eyes.

“Does your phone have signal? Can we try calling a mechanic?” He shakes his head, grunt sounding more like a whine while protruding his pout more. “Yours?” You mimic his response, pulling him closer by the neck.

Mark saw everything from his peripheral, knuckles turning white the tighter he held his book. His heart was screaming, aching, and threatening to explode if you kept being this blatantly affectionate in front of him. Did you have no shame? No remorse? What were you playing at to love him just last night but rub in his face that another man could have you publicly?

The nail in the coffin came when you leaned into Haechan, slotting his lips with yours and kissing him tenderly. Turning his head to an angle towards you both, his eyes squinted and lips parted with aversion. The image seemed too familiar. Was it from last night or the afternoon in this same car that started this affair but he too felt betrayed now.

Having enough of watching you kiss away your husband’s stress, the older male made his way out of the car, slamming the door causing both you and Hyuck to separate. His gaze turned to his friend, panting to regain air but before he could question anything you kissed his swollen lips once more, holding him for dear life.

“Better?”

“Much better.”

Hyuck smiles at you, kissing your cheek before helping you off his lap. He wouldn’t have minded staying like that for a while but his subconscious told him to go to Mark. To talk to him while he remained agitated and with swollen lips: evidence of your adoration. It may be malicious but why shouldn’t he when everything pointed to his betrayal.

“You good?” Your husband raises his eyebrows, thumb swiping against his red swollen lips. An action Mark watches bitterly. “Just taking a smoke.” Placing the stick between his lips, the older pushes the box towards his friend as an offering. Hyuck takes it, leaning against the car waiting for Mark to pass him the lighter but the latter turns it on with his own. In the instance that their heads came together and tips of the burning cigarettes touch, a flash goes off making both of them turn startled.

Haechan blows off the smoke, ruffling his hair when realizing it was you that took a picture of both. No one said anything. You simply smiled at them, rolling the film for whatever was your next target.

For the following half an hour you all remained silent with the exception of your camera whenever they did something you liked and occasionally the radio if anyone saw it fit to turn it on.

The sun was threatening to fall and worry finally settled; the three of you throwing worried glances to each other. When the universe had enough of you all acting useless; the presence of an older woman cleaning her hands on her worn out apron stood before you three.

“What seems to be the problem?” Though sounding hostile, she meant well. Clearing his throat, Hyuck stood from his position on the seat he had settled on not long ago. “Hello… Our tire popped and we don’t have a spare. By any chance do you have service to call a mechanic?” His hands rub against his jeans, smiling at her in hopes that would help.

She simply chuckles, shaking her head in disbelief. “Who doesn’t carry a spare tire driving through here? Have you seen the potholes?” Her chuckle turned into laughter, mocking the three but nevertheless she didn’t mean any harm and instead asked them to follow her.

“There’s no mechanic for another two hours and the one we have has been out for the past week but my son and husband should be here from work in around ten minutes. My son has spare tires and you can work it out with him. How does that sound?”

There was no other choice. All of you had to be gone soon if you wanted to enjoy the remaining days of 1999 and Mark’s stay with the two of you. Nodding, Hyuck agrees, eliciting a smile on the woman’s face that invites the party to her home.

The car was left on the side of the road but the vast windows of the home allowed all of you to view it for precaution. The walk from the vehicle to the house was a bit far with the troubles of wet dirt from past rain and some stray thorns but both men tried their best to make your path clear.

It was much colder upon entering the home. The walls were freezing and the lights dull. The house was lovely but that ominous feeling was creeping on Mark enough to hold your arm and pull you closer to him. You mustered to side eye him, confused on his actions but pulled away when Hyuck turned to you both. A subtle dissatisfied look on his face.

“Spending New Years at the beach?” The lady questioned in order to create conversation. “Yeah, sounds like a good idea so far.” Haechan smiles, looking around when taking a seat on the plastic covered couch. The older lady that soon introduced herself as Magui had gone to the kitchen to continue cooking dinner.

She had confessed that her husband and son left her alone the entire day. Most of the time only seeing them when they came back and when making them lunch. Seeing yourself in her, you searched for a sliver of sadness but who figured some people don’t mind the life you have. She spoke highly of the men in her life so maybe that was the key to her happiness.

“Are you staying with family for the New Year, Magui?” You egg the conversation, sipping on the hot chocolate she handed all of you now that it was getting colder. “We’re spending it with my family. They live in the next state over. Today is their last day of work for the year so we leave early tomorrow.” Her smile became warmer the longer she spoke to you all, feeling more at ease herself.

“Are you all spending it with your family?” Truth be told she wanted to know what was the deal between the three of you. She was an older woman, the more wiser and she could see the glances both men threw you. Were you with the beautifully tanned honey haired man or the brunette with gracious cheekbones? Both of them made their infatuation clear but only one of them would be presented as your partner.

Mark shrugged, giving her a shy smile. “Just us three.” Haechan answers, taking your hand into his. There her answer went. Parting her lips to let out an ‘ah’, she nods at the reveal.

“Seems a little lonely doesn’t it?” It did but none of you would want to admit it. After all the past years you’ve spent it with Hyuck’s family so this was a change of pace. “Not necessarily. I only have them.” Mark answers, his eyes shifting from her to both of you.

He had his family but his brother and mother were cowards that did anything his father said. He, like you, spent Christmas and New Years with Hyuck and his family, that’s the most he’d see his best friend in a busy year.

“Yeah… well his family too but he wanted to change it up this year.” You laugh nervously, squeezing your husband’s hand who only raised his eyebrows as a response. You, like Mark, didn't have a good relationship with your own family.

Not too long after your mother’s death, your father remarried a woman you could only describe as a geriatric cunt. Preferring her over you: his own daughter, things hadn’t been the same as they were when you were younger. Years of neglect had gotten to you and you treated him as nothing more than your creator.

Well, that’s your version but in reality all these years you treated your father horribly for trying to move on. Yes, he loved your mother but he knew he couldn’t take care of you and your brother alone and his current wife was a delight. Even after all these years of your reproach, they still loved you dearly and tried their best to keep in touch.

As the years progressed you ignored your father’s advances on fixing this damaged relationship but he kept trying. You couldn’t understand why your brother had forgiven him but you couldn't. Maybe because you refuse to acknowledge you were in the wrong in wanting your father to cope the same way as you did. So if you were miserable he should be too.

This year he had invited you all to his home once again for the holidays. He knew you spent it with your Husband’s family but it never hurt to try. Whenever you didn’t answer his emails, letters, or fax he’d resort to Hyuck who’d only reply with: ‘I’ll let her know.’ Knowing full well the answer will always be no.

Donghyuck never blamed you for trying to stay away from your father. He saw how Mark’s own relationship with his was and he didn’t want to push you either. All he could do was stay by your side and offer you comfort despite not agreeing with you. At least he knew his family would always produce warmth and love for his loved ones.

Soon enough screaming from outside took everyone’s focus. Magui knew it was her husband and son; greeting them ever so lovingly and kissing their cheeks as a welcome; her face lit up in joy.

Maybe in another universe this could be you and Hyuck. Maybe.

“So?” The older male spoke with a gruff voice, hand turning to the three of you sitting on the couch as he took his spot on the recliner chair his wife sat on earlier. Presumably none of you were sitting there by the time he arrived. “Their tire popped right outside.” Words came out choppy while chewing on a piece of potato, making sure it was well cooked.

“Chivi go change it out, get one of your spares.” Magui ordered her son who stood with no hesitation. Cocking her head towards her son while looking at your husband; he stood up to follow him, pulling you with him in the process. Not trusting to leave you alone with Mark even when there were eyes all over.

You began freezing the instant you crossed the threshold, your jacket doing nothing to warm you. You didn’t complain much. In a way you did prefer being with him for the time being, still feeling awkward around the older couple back inside.

“Ah. Yeah… Horrible burst.” The one called ‘Chivi’ speaks, raising his eyebrows while releasing a small laugh. With a flashlight he pointed at how horribly ripped the rubber was, flaps barley hanging close together. “My spares are used up and old themselves so I recommend you change it as soon as shops open again and get a new one. It’ll last you a good few weeks but it’s best to be cautious. Are you okay with that?”

Anything was okay than staying stranded in a small town nearing the middle of nowhere. All he wanted to do was get to the home, shower, and rest for the remainder of the night. He was exhausted and hungry, he wanted a break.

“Yeah, yeah that’s fine. How much would it be?” Haechan nods exasperatedly, hand reaching for his wallet but Chivi stops him. “Nothing! Actually, can you go get me a pack of tortillas and a large bottle of coke? I forgot to get them and ma’s gonna kill me if she finds out.” He laughs, finding this comedic.

You let out a giggle yourself. After waiting a good 10-20 minutes and night had finally caught up to you, all this family asked for was the essentials to their dinner. It may be the simplest of requests but you found the family endearing perhaps because you were still fixated on the fact that in another life you too could’ve had this sweet family with Donghyuck.

“Sure, no problem.” He heard your voice for the first time this night, smiling at the confirmation. He handed Hyuck the keys to his truck, rushing you both while giving directions to the nearest grocery store that seemed to be 15 minutes away if you went straight ahead.

When arriving the both of you got the items rapidly with barely any exchange of words, exhaustion weighing down both of you. Besides their requests both you and Hyuck opted to get them a cake. It was minimal and perhaps the most random thing to give but you wanted to show your gratitude to the family in case they didn’t take payment for their help.

On the way back, he cracked the window open letting the cold air in, making you turn to him a little peeved. “Cold?” He taunts, tongue pushing against his cheek before chuckling. “Very. Feel.” Taking his hand onto yours, Hyuck pretended to shudder at the contact of your cold skin but didn't let go.

“We finally have some time to ourselves.” He deviates, holding your hand against your thighs which you covered with a blanket you were able to get out of the car before leaving. “Yeah, I suppose so.” At least the first night out without any argument and ill words thrown at each other besides your make up anniversary dinner.

From time to time he’d turn to you, seeing as you watched the trees blur away but focused on how beautiful you looked. The way your lips shined from the lip balm, your nose with the faintest hint of blush from the cold, and the way your eyelashes batted against your cheeks whenever you blinked.

If it wasn’t because of the darkness, he’d think you’re glowing. You didn’t look as miserable and dull as you did months ago and before Mark’s arrival. That only made him feel guilty and incensed; being aware that his best friend has been able to liven up your life. Just Mark and not him: your husband.

Haechan’s hand begins to smoothen out the creases of your sweatpants, his hand progressively getting higher on your thigh enough to make you feel a tingling ache between your legs. His hand became warm enough that it almost felt like you didn’t have cloth between you two and he was directly caressing your skin.

“What are you doing, Hyuckie?” your head rolled to face him, sultry eyes begging him to not stop even if your voice tried to act like it. “I never got to fully taste you that night, princess.” A smile crept on your face as his hand inside your sweatpants, pushing away the fabric of your underwear.

There was always sweetness and comfort in the way he called you said nickname. You always surrendered under him whenever he said the word. If only he knew the effect it had on you, he’d exploit it to have you eating from his palm.

“We can’t—” You choked up, his fingers pushing through your cavern, enveloping them with your warmth. He held a smirk on his face, biting his inferior lip to repress a mischievous chuckle. “Not here…” You moan, he curled the digits once reaching as deep as he could, slowly moving them within you.

“We can’t fuck in someone else’s car.” An airy breath left your lips, panting the while he continued to move his fingers, tips gracing your g-spot. He knew your body well, no one but him.

“Why not?” He whines, fingers leaving your body and making you cry from emptiness. His hand reaches his plump lips, smothering them with your essence as if it was lip balm, licking it off after seconds and rejoicing from joy at the taste he longed for.

Your eyelids fluttered at the image, feeling tears well up on your waterline. “Lay your blanket in the back, we can there.” He sucks on his ring finger, biting at the skin, teeth dancing across the flesh to leave behind a red trail before drying them off on his neck.

In your seconds of contemplation his phone rang angrily inside his pocket; removing his attention from you. You wouldn’t deny that it bothered you, it had ruined the mood and both of you couldn’t ignore it as your pager kept buzzing when the calls went unanswered.

It felt like Deja Vu for the one on the other end.

“Mark–” “Mark.”

Hyuck shakes his head with a chuckle, not surprised that even when gone he’d interrupt another intimate moment. “We’re taking too long apparently.” Turning to look at his disappointed face while he sped off to the house; you couldn’t help but feel his frustration. He didn’t talk after that, leaving the reminder silent.

On arrival you took it upon yourself to break that silence, cupping his cheek into your cold hands making him look at you. “When we get home, okay?” You kiss him, easing his irritation. He nodded in agreement, his own hand on top of yours and pulling you closer to him to deepen it.

He swiped his tongue over your lower lip, you parted them to give him access and when his free hand traveled under your shirt; your pager buzzed again causing him to laugh into the kiss. This time bitterness won.

“Let’s just go.” He sighs, unbuckling and rushing out the truck. You shared his sentiment, picking at your lips on the way inside the house; his hand holding yours tightly.

The four inside turned to the creak of the door, desperate hunger slapped on their faces. “There was a long line, sorry.” Your husband excused, handing them the still warm tortillas and soda bottle.

“Sit. Eat Before you all leave.” Magui offers; a warm smile on her face while serving her son first. The three of you didn’t want to burden the family any longer but they insisted until you all agreed.

While conversation was made and you all enjoyed the meal after extensive hours of unwilling starvation, you all finally bid your goodbyes and thanked them again for their hospitality. In a matter of seconds that brief encounter was gone but the experience will always stay.

The remaining two hours were spent in complete silence considering you knocked out as soon as you got in the car and Mark held resentment for you not answering and crossing that threshold with swollen lips letting him know what you two were truly doing. Donghyuck himself was tired and didn’t have it in him to throw jabs at the older male in the passenger’s seat (both of them convincing you to just sleep in the back until you arrived).

Around midnight you all had arrived. The scenery was familiar to Mark, enough that he sat up straight to analyze every architectural detail of the house. From the geometrical protruding walls, huge clear windows, and the creaking play set that had given him many burns going down the slide as a child.

This was Mark’s— his father’s beach house. The same house his father banned him from years ago after one of their petty arguments. One neither could recall anymore but till this day they still remained angry.

He wanted to be glad that he was staying here as a way to stick it to his dad but knowing the man gave Hyuck access when he never gave it to anyone, not even his favorite child, made his blood boil. What had he done for his friend to gain his father’s trust till this day?

“Can you get some of the bags while I take her in?” Donghyuck interrupts his thoughts.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he gets to have you and his father’s admiration. Hyuck didn’t have a bad relationship with his own father. Why was he so adamant on taking his dad too? He was already brainwashing you by the way you’ve been acting so what else could he take from him?

Mark bitterly took in the items, throwing them all against the well kept couch. While your husband tucked you in (occasionally hearing your sleepy complaints about wanting to sleep), Hyuck returned quickly to help Mark unload. Stepping foot in the living room, he watched his friend’s actions.

The older looked vexed, gripping tightly to old framed family pictures. He appeared in some, miserable as one could be and the ones he ever smiled in he was a toddler with no recollection of ever loving his father.

“Neat, huh?” Haechan interrupted, extending his arms to signal at the house. Mark hummed, not lifting his gaze taking his own bag. “Why didn’t you tell me it was this house? That the family friend was my dad?” He questions minimizing the distance between the two.

The younger shrugs giving no importance, “Thought we’d spend the last few days where we always had fun.” He smiles almost sincerely. It’s true that Hyuck wanted to spend the end of the year at a place full of fond memories but after what Mark has done, tormenting him a little won’t hurt.

Mark sighs, pressing his lips tightly together while nodding; leaving his friend alone in the living room as he makes his way to his old bedroom. The only unkempt and dirty one in the entire house.

Early morning Donghyuck had woken up with a cold spot beside him that belonged to you. His mind raced with ill thoughts and fury was consuming him. He called out for you but gained no response. That began to elicit scenarios in which if he stood and went to Mark’s room you’d be there.

Shaking his head to not get ahead of himself, he calls out your name again, putting on his sandals to roam around the house and search for you. He searched upstairs, in the kitchen, the living room, extra bedrooms, and even considered barging into Mark’s. But he didn’t want to see it with his own eyes. He didn’t want to see you two in anything compromising and ruin his sanity.

Instead he went downstairs to continue his search, aiding his thumping heart from the ache of the ‘what if’. If there’s something Hyuck keeps in mind from all the things you’ve said it’s: ‘Who seeks, finds.’ And he didn’t want to find, at least not yet. He was glad that when stepping foot in the warm lower layer, he found you floating about in the grand indoors pool.

His heart relaxed as his face muscles did, sighing in relief to know his suspicions were wrong. How glad he was to be wrong for once. Making his way to the edge of the pool, he rolls up his sleeping pants, removing the sandals and dipping his feet in the warm water.

It took you a few seconds to realize he had arrived but seeing his face unconsciously made a smile appear on your face. “Morning,” You coo, swimming his way. He returns the smile basking in the sweetness of the moment.

If this had happened months ago you’d glare at him before deciding to get out of his presence. You would’ve never spoken to him in this way months ago but now you were acting like everything was behind you. Whether it’s your own guilt or being tired of the cycle, he was going to appreciate the small things.

“Morning, princess.” He lets out with a groggy voice, caressing your cheek the instant you get close. “Slept well? I didn’t want to wake you, you looked really tired yesterday.” He musters a nod, yawning away his remaining sleep.

“Is it cold out? Why aren’t you at the beach instead?” You shrug, swiping away droplets from your face. “I’ll get ready and we can go if you want. There’s this secluded area Mark and I would always go. I think you’ll like it, this time it’ll be just us.” He winks, standing to shake off the water that clung to his legs. You nodded, watching him make his way out to leave you in solitude again.

You two hadn’t been this close in the longest time and it was concerning how sweet he was. Even when you two ‘made’ peace and started to act like nothing was ever wrong he didn’t go out of his way to be this loving. The most came to occasional kisses on the cheek and holding hands but he had taken a drastic turn that night he announced his long break.

That night had shifted things for everyone and you couldn’t get past your uneasiness. You knew it was because of Mark, it was obvious in the way he spoke to his friend that Hyuck saw something and he didn’t like it. You weren’t stupid, you can see the way they look at each other compared to earlier in his stay.

For the most part they always tried to defy or avoid each other and the times they acted like best friends, the moment would be ruined when either made a sly remark regarding you. You wanted to believe Hyuck did it for the kindness of his heart and not to brag but that doubt won’t leave your mind anytime soon, not until Mark’s final day and you decide if you’ll join him.

But in the meantime you’ll enjoy the affection Hyuck’s giving you. Despite spending the most intimate time with Mark he had dialed down on his sweetness and allowed his libido to take over. Sure occasionally he’d act like the sweet boy from earlier but he was a man nonetheless and your cute walks around the countryside turned to him taking you in the back of the car because he couldn’t hold off much longer until getting home.

You liked Mark. You held him dear to you, he was still that sweet boy you met half a year into your relationship with Donghyuck but he barely acted like him anymore. He was animalistic and possessive, wanting to keep you near him at all times and you didn’t know how to process that. You understood his love for you to an extent but the man you first slept with that afternoon wasn’t the same one that held you roughly against a sink just two days ago.

Not to mention that aside from his libido he became a clingy cheese ball that if you spent too much time with him, you’d scream how much of a bore he became inside your head.

Minutes later, Hyuck had come out with the remaining items you needed, taking your hand in his and dragging you out the dock that led directly to the beach. With the exception that he took a detour between large boulders until you both ended up by the beach completely isolated from anyone else.

The view was beautiful; for miles on end all you could see was the swaying dull cyan waves, clashing against the sand and whatever boulders were closest. Walking a little further up to the sand, you set the blanket as Hyuck the remaining items. Both settled beside each other waiting for the chilliness to calm down before dipping in the sea.

As the minutes of silence passed it was to be noted how estranged you two became to one another. What in past years would have been multiple conversations in by now had become subtle glances and shy giggles when caught. Almost like the beginning of your courtship. To anyone seeing you two; they ought to think it was a cute occurrence, but to you both— it was eating you alive seeing how dull things became.

“Are you cold?”

He breaks the ice, opening a container of strawberries, taking a bite of the red fruit. “A little.” You confess, looking from him to the tides that purposely spray you. He took the opportunity and came closer, wrapping his arm around you and pulling you to him; enveloping you in an embrace that in fact was warming you.

He hums, resting his head on your shoulder basking in your scent. Glad that for once in a long time he couldn’t smell his friend on you. “Are we staying here the three months?” You question, hoping that initiated a type of conversation.

“You don’t like it here?” “I do. I just want to know what plans you have.”

He lets out a sigh through his nose, fingers dancing across your arms.

“You know I don’t like saying my plans out loud. Your grandma scared me off.” He chuckles, allowing his lips to grace your skin as if it was an accident, creating goosebumps; Donghyuck can’t help but grin.

The most you could do was bring his hand up to your lips, placing a tender kiss on his soft skin. Feeling your lips on his flesh made his heart flutter, becoming warm until he saw a familiar accessory wrapped around your wrist. That beauty he felt had dwindled in a matter of seconds.

Donghyuck recalled seeing a similar one on Mark’s wrist just last month. That same shade of blue that faded with the pass of water and beads began wearing out. For someone that’s spent weeks analyzing you two, he was beginning to beat himself up over this small object.

“You’ve been getting closer to Mark, haven't you?” He takes your hand, bracelet in view. You tensed until he showed the key element. A hum ended up leaving your lips, nodding whilst nervously teasing him.

“I stole your best friend.”

“But he’s my best friend.”

His voice may be playful but his heart ached.

“Maybe come home early and you can have him back.” You smile mockingly, turning so he could see it. His hand drops from your wrist, landing on your thigh. “I don’t think that’s a problem anymore.”

You knew what he insinuated but you weren’t going to let that ruin this small peace you are feeling now. “You know we miss you, right?” Lies. You and him knew it was a lie but if it wasn’t for the tone that delivered such words, it would’ve consumed him.

Instead he found himself biting his lower lip, your sultry eyes scanning his face and feeling his hand inch further up the exposed skin of your thigh. “How much?” He asks, face getting closer to yours, enough to smell the pool’s bleach in your hair and the coconut lip balm.

“Hyuckie, we can’t here…” His fingers went beneath the fabric of your bikini bottoms, intruding your walls carefully just like last night. This time there was no reason for them to be interrupted. “You said we could when we got home,” He kisses the shell of your earlobe, words falling hot against your flesh.

His lips began a trail from there onto the crook of your neck, nipping lightly and leaving a warm sting. “I haven’t been able to feel you fully for so long, I’m surprised you’re not dry.” You felt yourself gulp at his words, beginning to pant from the adrenaline of both this rendezvous and the possible meaning of his words.

He fully separated himself from you, laying you on the blanket before hovering over your body like a few nights ago. The exception being that this time he delved into a deep and animalistic kiss. His lips felt desperate against yours, both your tongues immediately waltzing with each other. Holding onto his neck and torso to keep some control.

“Won’t someone see?” “It’s private property, princess.”

Donghyuck was drunk with pent up arousal from months of no contact and the irritation of what you and his best friend have done behind his back. You were his and Mark was his best friend. Two separate things and he was not going to allow either of you to merge into one and leave him behind.

Your nails softly clawed his skin, leaving red trails to indicate how much he was pushing. You didn’t dislike this, in fact his lascivious side has always been what you enjoy. He groans against your mouth from the sting of your actions, biting your lower lip to elicit a cry of your own.

Both your pained moans turned to pleasure giggles; he licked your lower lip before both your tongues connected and his hands untied your bikini top. Sliding from your skin and letting him feel your perked nipples against his own.

You felt sensitive under him, it wasn’t helping that his hand traveled between the both of you to undo the knots of your bottoms as well. Pushing off the fabric to let him rub circles on your clit without any restraints. Your eyelids fluttered at the contact, pulling him even closer to what he already was.

“Not so shy now, huh?” He laughs against your mouth, nipping your bottom lip before leaving a trail of kisses from them to your neck. The instant he penetrated you with his fingers, he bit your neck causing a pleasured yelp to leave your lips. “Oh, you dick.�� You moan, moving your head to give him more access.

Haechan laughed at your words, continuing his abuse on your flesh and making sure those juvenile markings were dark and visible. He could do this to you and proudly. Only him.

Delving in the pleasure of his long fingers moving at a gratifying pace, you urge him to add another one in which he complied, scissoring and stretching them within you to continue hearing your moans. You loved his fingers. He was the right amount of rough that made your legs shake with even the least amount of effort.

Curling his digits; the deeper they were within you, the louder your moans became. It didn’t help that his aggressive praises made your head spin. The likes of:

“Your cunt was made for me.”

“No one will ever know how to fuck you this good with just their fingers.”

and “If you’re shaking like this with my fingers, I can’t wait until you’re full of my cock and cum.”

All of which made your eyes roll to the back of your head with the imagery of what that was like.

But you weren’t one to let him just talk without action. “Then fill me right now. Bruise me with no end.” Your eyes met his, a thin amount of tears threatening to slip. The same sultry eyes and voice defied and taunted him waiting for consequences.

He didn’t grant you the satisfaction of a primary orgasm, instead he pulled his fingers out to leave you aching and whining from emptiness. His body separated from yours and that breeze he protected you from earlier attacks while he removed his swimming trunks.

Sitting up to look at him, your chest felt warm seeing his hardened dick spring in fervor almost as if it had a mind of its own when in your presence. You too were glad to see it; after so long and in this state, the one thing you wanted was to have it in you no matter what entrance.

And like a famished species, you crawl your way towards him. Holding onto the back of his thighs to pull him closer to you. The action made him stumble but he laughed at your desperation. Hand going to your hair, threading his fingers through it and holding your head firmly to look at him.

“Want a taste?” He takes a hold of his heavy sex, taunting you by slapping it against your cheeks and watching your agape mouth chase after it. You nodded hurriedly, leaving behind any shame and pride just to taste him once more.

Pulling your head closer and watching your mouth open more, Haechan lets his tip grace your lips before pushing your head away. Eliciting a pained whine; he crouched down to your level, his tight hold on your head not leaving and making you look directly in his eyes.

“No. You don’t deserve this much.” His words were low and full of hatred, his eyes boring holes onto your own. If hell was real, you had just seen it through them.

Dropping his grip from your hair, he helped you get on all fours. You could feel both of you sinking further into the sand and the blanket doing its best to not allow it to get near you two but his rugged actions weren’t helping the poor thing.

Instead once you were positioned before him, he pushed your top half further down, enough for your head to lay on your arms and your lower half lifted to his crotch. As much as he didn’t want to grant you any more pleasure, Hyuck couldn’t hold himself back when he saw your glistening cunt under the sun, begging him to taste you.

Your legs spread enough for him to see every crevice full of the arousal he caused. Fuck it. This was for him, not for you and he wanted to grant himself the pleasure of tasting you again.

Just when you were going to whine and beg for him to fuck you, you felt his lips attach to your cunt making you moan louder than you have in a while. He grunted at your reaction; it was music to his ears, hot enough to travel to his angry cock and twitch with precum spurting out.

He felt your legs shake, not even his tight hold on them could make you stop. Haechan’s tongue swiped from your entrance to your clit, collecting your juices there and sucking on the bud to take them into his mouth. Proudly swallowing what you made for him. He hummed directly against your cunt, the warm vibration sending you overboard.

“Hyuckie…” You moaned that sweet name again, his cock twitching at your cracking voice. He didn’t want to succumb to you, after all you’ve put him through the last thing he wanted to do was please you but damn that would happen regardless when fingering and eating you out was his favorite thing to do.

His nails dug into the skin of your ass cheeks, harsh grip eliciting a yelp as he continued to delve into the taste of your arousal. A delicacy if you ask him. Tongue teasing your entrance to the point just enough of the tip penetrated you.

You tried your best in touching yourself or at least rubbing him off with your feet but he always pushed you away, grunting at your disturbance. Feeling his tongue lap at your folds, circling around your clit, and sucking on it harshly then softly. Becoming a pattern that throws you into a frenzy.

Feeling your stomach coil and your legs start to give up on you, you begged him to just finish you off. To let you cum since he hadn’t done so when he was fingering you but he didn’t budge. Instead he continued his assaults on your sex; his face had pushed further in and you could feel how his soft rosy cheeks collected your cum on them.

You wanted to see his face badly. To see how you’ve stained it and glisten in the sunlight. If he already looks beautiful, you believe your essence will make him even more so.

“I didn't want to treat you and look where you have me. You’re so lucky I love you.” He grunts, laying his tongue flat on your cunt. You laugh at his statement but hear it become a moan at that. His warm, soft, velvety tongue licking away your own mockery.

You feel his hand come flat on your ass, whipping your head to look at him but his cold glare didn’t allow for any words to leave your mouth, not even the moan that was product of his harsh treatment. “Are you close?” He grins, separating himself from between your legs. Fingers collecting your arousal and pushing it into his mouth.

Nodding feverishly, you bite your lower lip. Watching him thoroughly suck on his nimble fingers, not leaving a drop behind. Your breathing was labored and you could feel sweat accumulate where his hands had been holding you; you were no longer cold. Donghyuck’s actions alone elicited shaky moan after moan but what caused them to come with no end was how beautiful he looked behind you.

His caramel locks stuck to his forehead, perspiration threatening while his honey skin glowed under the sun’s rays. The same rays that made the lower half of his face glisten with the layer of your cum he was graciously licking at. The longer you looked at him, the longer you noticed how his lips were swollen red and his fingers pruning up.

He didn’t lie when he said he loved your taste.

What you intended to let out as a moan came out as a cry. Feeling your heart heavy and needy but most of all your stomach felt sick. Twisting and turning in hopes that he was to finally fill you up like you had asked.

You were also needy and the image behind you made that worse; you felt desperate. The kind where you could throw a tantrum for not getting what you want and what you want is his cock to your hilt. Letting his frustrations out on you.

“Is my baby needy? Are you that needy?” He mocked. Pouting his lips to grip your hair again, lifting your head slightly before leaning in and pulling you to him. You nodded with a whine, chasing his lips but even that he denied until you sighed in frustration.

“Tell me how much you want it.” He pecked your lips, taunting you every time he pulled away. “Tell me how much you need and want my cock…” His grip tightened on your hair, a cry leaving your lips against his own. He swallowed it, tongues connecting instantly in a sloppy kiss.

“Only mine.”

He growls in a low voice against your lips. Glaring directly into your eyes with the tightest grip on your hip and hair. And though he searched for any guilt from you, he was met with your own angry glares, getting fed up with his elongated foreplay.

“I do want it. I’ve wanted it for so long but I was not going to give you the satisfaction of touching me just yet. Call this your actual Christmas present.”

Your voice filled with its own pent-up irritation, glaring at him the longer he kept you from feeling good just because of his jealousy fits. Here he could see you hadn’t put it all past you but instead ignoring it until he fucked your brains out. He didn’t know whether to laugh or continue his bitterness but what he did know was that his dick was hard and hurting from his own restraint.

“And I beg that you release all your frustrations out right now because my abstinence better be worth it.” You let out through gritted teeth, eliciting a bitter and angry chuckle from him. “Because one of us has to be loyal.” Your pupils shake, enlarging the second he releases his grip and harshly pushes your head away.

Your labored breath became louder every second he shuffled behind you. His tight grip on your hip pulling you towards him whilst his tip rubbed against your delicate cunt. For a moment he halted any of his actions, the background noises becoming overwhelming and your throat betraying you by releasing silent cries. At least only you could hear them.

But he took that silence away, letting strings of spit slide from his tongue to your entrance and using it as extra lubricant before penetrating you. He was different from Mark. While Mark was long, Haechan was girthy and with just the first few centimeters in, you could feel the stretch his fingers hadn’t granted you.

Those earlier cries became louder, struggling to cover your mouth the longer he pushed himself in you. It wasn’t painful but it felt foreign . It had been months since he’s been in you that your body was beginning to forget how he felt. While he hadn’t moved just yet, his pretty groans became the source of your satisfaction.

It didn’t take him long to start moving. His strokes were slow but long, rugged if you will but they knocked pretty disgruntled noises out of you and that was enough for you both.

While he thrusted into you, his hands moved from your hips to your waist all the way to your breast. His warm hands enveloping them, massaging and squeezing softly.

His hands were soft in comparison to Mark’s that became calloused the longer he continued with harsher techniques in his projects. They’re also warmer, was it because of the sun coming out or his body temperature; you found yourself to rejoice in his touch.

In that instance his thrust became harder, fingers toying and twisting your nipples before pinching them. First softly then hard enough to elicit a masochistic cry. “Hyuckie!” You yelp in pleasure, hair covering your pretty face. He lets one of his hands fall from your tit, reaching for your hair and pushing it away just to see how your features contorted for him.

Just like you enjoyed seeing his soiled face, he liked seeing your expressions from pleasure.

“Scream my name all you want. No one’s here but you and I!” Donghyuck laughs, kissing your sweaty skin with each of his thrusts. But it wasn’t just you two, there will always be Mark.

Having woken up minutes prior; Mark’s habit of searching for you early in the morning led him to tip-toe around the house searching for any sign of you — and your husband to avoid problems — but when he had no luck even in the pits of the basement, he knew there was only two options at hand.

One: Hyuck and you abandoned him for the grocery shopping you both had mentioned in the car ride. Or two: his dear best friend had taken you to the beach. And given the car and keys were where they had been placed last night, the clear choice was the latter.

Not giving it much thought and only pulling the sweater he tossed on the couch the night prior, Mark groggily made his way behind the house. Dragging his feet and blocking the incoming sun rays with his hand. Struggling through branches and pesky rocks; Mark knew he’d be disappointed the second he saw you two but he didn’t expect to be heart broken.

At most Mark expected to see you two hold tightly like you had been when arriving to Magi’s house or holding hands while walking along the shoreline but here he was hiding behind a boulder, freezing from the shade and breeze, and witnessing his best friend fucking you.

Donghyuck no longer held you from behind, instead he had helped you onto your back. With one leg up on his shoulder and another around his waist, the position made him go deeper than before. All Mark could focus on was your moans. They were so genuine and raw that it broke him when he heard you utter: “Fuck, I missed you...”

He didn’t notice when his mouth had gone agape or when his chest began feeling heavy but Mark felt sick and no one could fix that. It didn’t help that Hyuck took your lips with his, ensuing in a passionate kiss that held both of your anger and desire whilst spewing vile on how you were his and his alone. The only thing holding him up is that you didn’t confirm his statement.

Mark wanted nothing more than to stomp where you two laid and tear Hyuck apart from you. To feel his clenched fist come in contact with his perfect cheeks and not stop until that crimson liquid he’s always been scared of told him to stop. He wanted to keep his best friend away from you and tell him to never come near you again. Scream how you were his and his alone— just like Hyuck was claiming for himself.

But he couldn’t move. His feet had sunk in the wet sand and his legs felt weak. He only had the willpower to move a few more steps and it was either his impulses or head back home and slump in the comfort of his room. Yes, Mark has decided to wallow his sorrows privately.

With a knot in his throat, Mark dared not look behind and instead walked as quickly as his wobbly legs allowed him. His hope hadn’t dwindled but it had been hurt.

While Mark tried maintaining his composure, not allowing his world to come crashing around him for the second time this year, both you and your husband remained clueless. Too enthralled with the pleasure and satisfaction you both granted each other.

Holding off for months was beginning to catch up with Donghyuck and it showed with the pained cries he’d spill whenever he felt himself close. Each thrust he gave, you could feel spurts of precum shoot into you and slide against your walls, just for them to coat his cock and push it further in.

You had lied about your abstinence but sex was sex and you had been craving his touch for a while. You just had to settle for Mark for the time being. Whimpers and moans escaped your lips, begging him to swallow them every time you’d pull him by the hair, connecting your lips in sloppy kisses.

Amused by your reaction, Haechan laughed into the kiss, teeth nipping your lips and occasionally tongue before caressing it with his own to soothe the sting. He wouldn’t let the kiss last for too long, opting to see you whine from the separation. It’s the least suffering he could cause you in the meantime.

“Close?” He questions, his palm holding your upper thigh close to his waist. By this angle his pelvic bone began creating friction against your clit. Fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs, mouth leaving a trail of kisses from your lips to neck and chest.

His teeth teased your nipples, scraping them along the warm flesh to deliver a sharp bite that resulted in you crying masochistically, pushing his head further to have him do it again. Your free hand scratched his back, digging into his flesh and moaning along his pained groans.

Even in sex you two had to hurt each other.

“Finish me off, Hyuckie. I can’t last longer and I know neither can you…” You mewl, tugging his hair to let him know you wanted his attention. He looked up at you through lashes, moisture clinging to them, perhaps in the process his eyes watered.

Words wouldn’t leave his pretty plump lips though. Instead he nodded, leaning in to capture your lips between his, rushing his thrusts and making them rougher. You liked feeling him stretch you out more, feeling him squeeze in as the perfect fit and feel his tip kiss your walls. Coating them with his cum was your favorite part out of it all.

A few more thrusts and heavily passionate kisses, your walls began clamping around him. Causing poor Donghyuck to feel sensitive at the pressure. It wasn’t long until he came; thus when he felt your legs shake around him and your grasp tightened, he knew his ecstasy was near.

Crying and whimpering against his lips; your eyes shutting harshly at that tight knot in your lower stomach. Hyuck’s thrusts were getting sloppy, within seconds you felt him at your hilt and you couldn’t hold off much longer. That knot had loosened completely and sent you overboard, gushing around him with a loud moan, holding him for dear life against you; small praises and cooing leaving your lips.

“You know my body so well, I could have you like this forever…”

Your voice was the catalyst. With your heavy panting against his lips, Hyuck didn’t hold off anymore and allowed himself to come. You along with him whimpered at the feeling of being filled up with his load; a wave of pleasure washing through you both until it faded and all that was left was a tingling sensation that didn’t leave your bodies.

Opting to stay in that position for a bit longer, both your breathing had calmed down. Your nails didn’t rake harshly against him and his teeth no longer nipped at your skin sadistically. Now the kisses were soft to avoid speaking. Both knew if any words spilled, they’d leave an ache.

The minutes passed, all that was heard were waves crashing against each other and the boulders. It was warmer now and perhaps much later, enough for your friend back in the house to be awake. Hyuck was the one to take the initiative in getting off of you and cleaning you off with some of the water he packed.

He didn’t speak and neither did you, the most you could muster was to look at him in silence, his soft touches creating a complex feeling in your heart. At that moment you too wanted to just leave and go back inside.

“Did you eat breakfast?” “No. I went straight to the pool.”

He hums, putting his trunks back on and stuffing the towels in the beach bag. “Mark is probably awake. We can get something on the way to the market if he hasn’t made anything yet.” His voice was hoarse, with some laced pain on it. You gave him a side smile, tying back the swim suit and placing a beach dress over.

“He’d smoke a pack before eating breakfast. Sometimes I have to force him to have a proper meal.” You giggle, shaking off the sand from the blanket you two laid upon minutes prior. Haechan forces out a laugh, his smile quickly fades.

Right. You took care of Mark.

Donghyuck had expected this experience to make him feel better about his marriage. He wanted to think this was meant to settle the peace between you both but instead he felt worse. His chest felt warm and heavy and his eyes threatened to spill tears. Some had during the act but he did his best to not weep.

He fully understood the marriage turning this way was his fault, you had told him so many times even insinuated it way before he met the catering girl but that didn’t hurt as much. He was comfortable enough with how things went on between you two before Mark arrived. At least if it meant that it was him the one you’d think about. The only one you’d both love and hate.

What did make him feel this way was hearing you come into the room after 3 AM and smell like his best friend. How often you spend time with Mark and enjoy his company. And worst of all is that you hadn’t put anything behind.

The reason you had been civil with Donghyuck was simply because Mark was there to satiate your needs. It had only gotten to this point of accepting his touch because you were starting to get bored of Mark just like you had with him not too early into the marriage. Or so he thinks, that is was your actions are making both believe at least.

There were only a few steps left to reach the top. While Hyuck was contemplating this bond, you seemed the most aloof. There was some brightness to you and a careless attitude. On one of those steps you turned to look at him, his face was getting red and you knew it wasn’t from the sun. Something was bothering him.

It’s not like you cared to know but that gloominess was interfering with your relaxation. Stopping on your tracks and pulling him along, Hyuck throws you a confused look. You didn’t say anything yet, you simply smiled at him softly and caressed his warm cheek. He eased into your touch, feeling your soft fingers dance across his taut skin.

“I love you, Donghyuck.”

As much as he’s yearned hearing those words, this time he doesn’t know how much to believe them anymore.

“I love you too.”

They came out in a whisper, one you swallowed upon connecting your lips one last time that moment. He didn’t want to think much about it. There was a chance you were lying or that like him, you loved him in a baneful way.

Yes, that is most plausible.

He wasn’t the only one to hear your profession of love. Poor Mark had lounged around the back porch with a pack of cigarettes to his side. Like said before it wasn’t too long until you two reached the top and though you didn’t intend for Mark to hear or see everything he has this morning— it just happened.

Reaching the top by the time Mark let out a puff of smoke in desperation; a sigh at most. Smelling that familiar stench, you both turned to see him lying upon the white outdoors couch his father had decorated with.

“Morning.” Hyuck breaks the ice, giving his friend a tender smile that you mimic. Mark didn’t dare look at you both for too long, nodding in return while taking a sip of his drink. “Morning; Where were you guys?” He questions with a little pep in his words, trying his best to hide any negative emotion.

“Wanted to swim for a bit but the water was cold. Hey, did you have breakfast already? We can catch something to eat on the road before we get everything.” Mark lifts his cigarette with a smile before taking another drag, both you and Hyuck looking at each other remembering your conversation.

Hyuck chuckles with a nod. “Alright, gonna shower and we can leave after everyone’s ready, yeah?”

“Yeah.” “Sounds good.”

He let go of your hand that second, not waiting for you to follow behind as he rushed to the bedroom’s bathroom. Despite the interaction, his feelings were still a painful turmoil and if he looked at either of you for too long in the moment, he’d end up breaking in front of both.

Locking the door, Hyuck looks into the mirror before him. The bags beneath his eyes looked darker than before and his face had started to sink in. He didn’t look ill but he did look tired and sad. His cheeks weren’t as beautifully round in the time being and he knew that wasn’t good. After all, his round jumpy cheeks are your favorite thing about him. Maybe if he gained them back your ‘i love you’s’ would have real meaning to them.

He couldn’t contain it anymore. In the instance his thin fingers touched his equally thin face and let out that cry he’s been holding in this entire time. His tears felt boiling hot against his skin, the rivers of salt water wounding his face but that ache in chest was worse.

Donghyuck knew he still loved you. Hell, if he loved you through all the times you had called him useless, the times you avoided him during periods he felt like hell, and witnessed the times you made your own father cry by the way you treated him; then why wouldn’t he love you now that he accepted you yourself had an affair with his best friend? His brother.

He wondered how much he loved Mark too. Mark the boy he spent years of childhood with all up to college when both parted ways. The boy he’d let stay at his house every time his father reprimanded him for the smallest things even if they weren’t a mistake.

Mark was his wedding witness, the boy who approved of you when you two started dating and told him you were the perfect match. The boy who helped him find the perfect ring and arrangements. Mark and him have experienced many things together but sharing a lover is not one he thought they ever would. Especially not one he’s tied to by law and heart. As painful as it is.

Donghyuck bit into his fist before doing so into a towel, his silent sobs absorbed by the cloth. This was the best he could do without having you two hear him.

And while your husband is breaking to pieces in the shared bathroom, you make your way to the kitchen. Upon getting a water bottle, you felt the touch of two warm hands on your hips pulling you close to his body and turning you around to face him.

Mark didn’t show much expression, instead he pressed you against the cold steel doors. Looking at each other for a few seconds, he took initiative in connecting your lips. It shouldn’t have taken you by surprise the way it did but slowly you began to ease into his touch. You could taste the mixture of his cigarette and the orange juice he had been drinking.

Holding onto his shoulders, Mark’s own hands began to caress your body. One hand rested on your waist and the other went underneath your dress. He felt the warmth between your thighs. His fingers begin to caress the skin and make a silent gasp leave your lips. He took that opportunity to snake his tongue in your mouth.

By the time he pushed the fabric of your bikini bottoms to the side, his fingers prodded your entrance making your gasp become audible this time. When you were to moan his name, the man before you halted his movement. He separated from the kiss as well, looking at you directly the second he felt the globs of cum cling to his fingers.

Scooping it, Mark pulled his fingers out looking at them before you. He noticed the dark marks your husband sealed onto your skin. You were panting but there was no sign of regret on your face. Instead he was received with:

“What do you expect? He’s my husband.”

A threatening smile on your end tried to form but Mark couldn’t produce any words. He felt speechless and too hurt to even say anything. His face held a mixture of disgust, anger, and sadness.

With the simplest of words, you always manage to hurt them.

“Mark come on,” You call out, trying to get a hold of him but he avoids your touch. You softly scoff at the action but kept trying to at least ease the tension. “Come on, don’t be like that.”

He didn’t know what to say. Mark knew you were right, Hyuck was your husband but that didn’t stop his heart from breaking any less. All this time he hadn’t mind since you two openly hated each other but the quick change up was affecting him.

“Honey— Oh? What are you guys doing?”

Hyuck had come out of the restroom once his eyes had depuffed and he looked fine again. By the time he reached the kitchen he saw you two stand close to each other, a tense ambiance surrounding.

Mark threw you one last glance, “Nothing. I’m going to shower.” His voice sounded deeper and with that he walked away and to his own bathroom, leaving you alone with your husband again. Rather than tense, this one was awkward.

“The shower is ready, let’s go.” Haechan’s voice was laced with irritation.

The day you had been looking forward to this entire trip had come: New Year's Eve. The weather was finally thinking about the beach resident’s and decided it would be good to have the last day of the century be sunny all throughout. It may be December but a new millennium deserves a beautiful welcome.

Despite Mark’s gloomy demeanor, the both of you had been trying all morning to get him out of his room. Every attempt had been a failure and though neither of you showed it, Hyuck was beginning to get annoyed about the ordeal. Specifically your attention getting directed towards the older male. You may have been trying to balance your attention to both men but their selfish demands were making things harder.

“I’ll go try again and if not then I guess we can just go.” You give your husband a side smile, handing him the dishes to dry from your late lunch. He turned the instant they were in his hands, rolling his eyes at your insistence. “Just give him space, it’s the house that’s putting him in that mood. Makes him think too much about his old man.” But he knew his dad wasn’t the only reason he was this temperamental.

A low sigh escapes your lips, walking towards him and enveloping him in a back hug. “I don’t want him to end the year like this.” Your lips fell onto his neck, warm and soft on the flesh. He hated how much he enjoyed it. He doesn’t say anything, he simply shrugs with a low groan.

Donghyuck himself hadn’t been pleasant after the beach rendezvous, if anything he had gotten distant and silent. He always did this after sex but the worst part is that it drew you towards him in hopes to get more than a few words out of him. To get more affection. His affection.

While in the past he did it out of his selfish ways of obtaining gratification, this time he did it to avoid seeing how worried you had been for Mark. After the shower, you all had lunch in town and even browsed around the area, getting groceries for tonight. But while at it, he didn’t miss your subtle glances towards his friend who trudged behind the two of you.

If he left you two alone for just a second, he’d come back to the image of you whispering something to Mark who in return said nothing or hummed. It was no different for the remainder of the day whenever he was around but when it was just you two, it seemed like you remembered he was the one you married.

It’s not that you wanted to comfort them. You just wanted the reassurance that they were still eating from the palm of your hand and their little hissy fits were annoying you. At least for Donghyuck, he didn’t leave your side often and even now he was doing what you wanted him to— just reluctantly. As always.

As for Mark, he was being a nuisance. He was brooding like a teenager that didn’t get the car he wanted and was taking it out on all of you. Didn’t he understand that you were still married? You have to fill your role once in a while and if he hadn’t been so clingy for the past few months, you probably wouldn’t feel the need to try and get a breath of fresh air with Haechan.

Your worried facade fell the second you got out of Hyuck’s view and walked towards Mark’s bedroom. You didn’t knock, you had gotten used to walking in his room unannounced that he didn’t think about it either when he heard the creaky hinges.

“Move.” His sprawled limbs unconsciously responded to your words, scooting to one side of the bed and relaxing the second your weight dipped the mattress. All this time you hadn’t crossed the threshold of his bedroom. Compared to the one you and Donghyuck slept in; Mark’s was smaller with a horrid brown carpet and green walls.

His night stands were small of a bright yellow wood that did nothing to look good in the dark room. As ugly as the layout was, there were many trinkets of his childhood. From the multiple baseball lamps, cowboys, toy soldiers, and comics stacked on a desk that complimented the nightstands.

You’d say the most exciting part were the glowing stars stuck to the ceiling but by now they probably didn’t work anymore. His Poison Girl Friend, Depeche Mode, and Soda Stereo posters were wrinkled and on the brink of falling from the walls.

In every corner there were noticeable traces of all the years he was able to stay up until the last time his father told him he wasn’t allowed anymore. The most notable was the CD he was listening to now; the soft melody of Sade’s voice unconsciously making him stare intently at you.

‘I gave you all my love, I gave you all that I have inside and you took my love. I keep crying, I keep trying for you. There’ s nothing like you and I, baby…’

“I thought you didn’t like sports.” You smile up at him, scooting closer and closer but he doesn’t budge. His lips don’t move and his eyes tear away from you, glancing quickly at his lamps before looking up at the ceiling.

With no response and your patience beginning to run out, you turn to him. In a few quick moves your hands encased his face and brought your lips to his, landing a soft kiss against them. As angry as he was, he would never deny you a kiss. His mind, soul, and body took over allowing him to return it, shifting to where it was comfortable.

His hands took a hold of your waist, holding to you for dear life. His body missed you and it showed with the way he caressed you. His large hands slowly make their way under your shirt, squeezing your sides while his teeth softly nip your lower lip eliciting a gasp granting him access to your mouth and slipping his tongue.

“You can’t keep doing this…” He moans against your lips, deepening the kiss and bringing your body closer to him. You wanted to ask what he meant but it was quite obvious. Mark didn’t follow up, rather basking in the comfort of your body and mouth. Enjoying the sweet taste of the blueberry parfait you had for lunch, on your tongue.

He missed this. He missed having you all for himself, having you near him. Today’s kiss felt nothing like that day and as much as the memory pains him, he’s going to enjoy these few minutes.

His tongue caressed yours one last time before both your lungs decided they needed some relief. Panting when separating, Mark kisses the side of your mouth before admiring your features. “You’re forgetting about me now that he wants to touch you?” His voice was much harsher than he intended but that deep rooted anger seemed to be winning.

Your smile falters, “Are you still mad at me?” The mixture of annoyance and worry interlacing in your voice. “He’s still my husband, Ma—” He cut you off with a scoff, throwing his head back and opting to lay on his back once again. “So what? Suddenly you care that he is? What about all these months you’ve been with me?” He didn’t dare look at you, he was afraid you’d have that pout that always made him cave.

“Why are you even acting this way all of a sudden? Out of nowhere you two like each other again? Do you want me to remind you how I saw you two the day I arrived at the apartment?” He tried to shut his mouth but it had a brain of its own. Mark was beyond annoyed with your actions and neglect.

“I guess we just made peace for now.” Your meek response brewed a scowl on his face, shaking his head in response. “What about our plans, y/n? I already told you to go with me. You were so miserable before I got here, do you really want that again? I leave tomorrow. I thought you didn’t want me to leave. Isn’t that why this all started? I’m the only one here for you.”

Mark didn’t seem to hold back any longer. Envy and rage were consuming him the longer he held everything in. He was right, without him, you and Hyuck would probably live like strangers til now with only arguments as communication.

With a heavy heart and gloom look on your face — hiding your frustration — you come closer to him. Returning that chaste kiss on the corner of his lip and wrapping your arm around him as you lay your head on his chest. “Don’t be that way, Mark. I don’t want to end the year and start a new one with you like this. I’m here now aren’t I?”

Truly you wanted to let out a scoff but your words seemed to do it for him. He was convinced worry had washed upon you.

“I need you. You know that, right?” “You need me?”

“More than anything.”

You wanted to tell him he was an idiot but you were glad needed you. Yeah, he was now going to use that.

What made it better for him was that Hyuck had just passed by and saw the way you clung to Mark’s body. He was able to see the life drain out of his best friend’s being. His color became dull and his face dropped. You couldn’t hear it but Mark fully heard Haechan’s heart break and stomach drop at the image.

It was his turn to rub it in his face.

“What’s going on?” His shaky voice made you separate from Mark, sitting up in panic and a thumping heart. But God were you good at hiding your emotions. When your eyes had met with Hyuck’s you threw him a quick smile, stretching your hand out for him to take. He was hesitant, not wanting you to see how shaky he had become but he took it nonetheless.

Mark hadn’t sat up to see what you two were doing but he could feel the movement on the side of the bed and the dip on the large mattress when you had pulled your husband onto it. Your attention was again taken away from him, as was your touch.

How quickly his spell died within you.

“Telling Mark he should enjoy the last day. It’s either that or welcome the century a loser. His choice.” You joked. Hyuck released an airy laugh, shaking his head. “You want to get out of the house, dude? Some of the locals just dropped off an invite for a beach New Year’s party.” His soft hands reached to envelope you the way you had Mark.

“If you guys are cool with it.” It’s all he musters. “Then it’s settled. Now, I need all of you to finish cleaning around and get ready for dinner.” You playfully glare at both, in return Haechan smiles, kissing you tenderly as a response; Mark a spectator to his demise.

While cleaning around his bedroom and the rooms you had told him to, worked to distract him in the meantime. Those same ill thoughts gushed through his brain the minute he was done getting ready. Looking at himself through the mirror. Glancing at his every detail, Mark sighs in hopes that tomorrow his plans flourish.

From times Hyuck stayed home during the weekends it was never this bad. You always avoided him and opted to spend time with Mark but things had taken a turn this time. Your husband stuck to your hip and you didn’t seem to mind. Especially not after telling him you loved him.

Regardless if there was something Mark had, it was hope and he hoped that tomorrow by this hour you two will be putting away your items into a moving truck to place in his new apartment. This millennium is going to be a new start for you both. Together.

In the process of making his way to the living room, Mark saw no sign of either of you. Smoothening his dress shirt while picking at the side dishes. All these hours of malnourishment were finally getting to him. He just hoped you didn’t scold him for not eating or for messing up the presentation of your dish.

This was something else that seemed to make him realize how much Donghyuck was impeding what you two had. Never in the past months have you let Mark skip meals but these few days, you barely checked up on him. How can things go south so quickly? While Mark internally complained about the changes, your husband calmly sat on the same couch Mark had lounged on that awful afternoon.

Donghyuck sat pensive, a cigarette in hand and a six pack on the glass table. Worry and sadness were visible but Mark didn’t pry. His mind only cared for his problems and feelings about you. He couldn’t care less that Hyuck legally had you.

Mark’s only solace were your passionate kisses and tender words from earlier letting him know you were there for him. How you didn’t make excuses on why you held him earlier the second Haechan saw you two. Or how before this trip, you’d always run to him rather than Hyuck when in need of company.

You wanted him, not Donghyuck. He’s sure of it.

“Invite next time.” Mark laughs, playfully slapping off his friend’s feet from the table so he can pass by. Sitting besides the younger of the two, Mark glances at him, an awkward smile following behind. Donghyuck returns it while handing him a bottle and the box of cigarettes he found on your night stand. You didn’t smoke but it seemed like you kept some for Mark.

“It’s been a long run, dude.” Mark continues. Despite holding resentment, Donghyuck will always be his savior and best friend. “It has, hasn't it? Almost thirty years together.” The honey brunette laughs, blowing smoke out and taking a swig of his drink. “It kind of sucks we didn’t get to spend the time you were with us together. Sorry about that.”

Donghyuck’s head hangs low, the cigarette between his lips dropping ashes on the floor. In a sense Mark shared that sentiment. Deep down behind the rancor and hate, he loved Donghyuck. Even if Donghyuck himself wondered how much he loved Mark.

“You leave tomorrow and all I can take away from your stay is this trip.” Despondency held tight onto his words. What he truly took away was his betrayal but sometimes he was a coward and opted to stay silent. “Really wish we did more.” He sighs, Mark’s gaze floods with apologies.

Mark didn’t understand why his guilt was manifesting itself now. Maybe because it was just them two and your presence didn’t cloud his judgment. The possibilities are endless but when it’s just them two— Mark is aware that Donghyuck has always been there to take care of him. Kinda like you take care of him.

While in the past he was aware he slept with his best friend’s wife and was wrong in a sense. Now it was punching his chest while screaming that he was an asshole. He didn’t know whether to take responsibility or blame his father’s home for cursing his existence. Maybe if you three didn’t stay here things would’ve been different and he’d gone back to not feeling as much remorse.

“We have an entire lifetime to do things together, Hyuck.” Mark finally gets a word in, exhaling through his nose while his fingers thread through his hair. A smile tugged at his lips, turning to his friend to deliver. The other returns it, a contagious chuckle plaguing both.

“Remember when your dad bought the play set and placed it by the beach between the boulders?” The image of younger Mark and Donghyuck around the ages of seven running around the slippery sand painted itself on Donghyuck’s brain. He closes his eyes, those warm hues of the summer’s sky were memorable.

Mark laughs, taking large gulps of his now warm drink. Sticking his tongue out from the disgusting taste. “And we turned it to face the beach because we thought the slide was long enough for us to slide all the way into the water. Just for you to slip on the steps and I slid straight into a boulder—”

“And we both broke our arms!”

The two said in unison, laughing at the memory. This is one of the things they could share. “Some stupid seaweed stuck to my foot and it made me slip. I just remember screaming on the way down and waking up in the room with the cast already on.” Donghyuck speaks through laughs.

Mark mimics the action, the smoke of both their cigarettes getting to him. “Dad was so mad when Taeyong ran screaming about what happened but he was more concerned with the fact that he dropped his bucket of crabs inside the house than us.” Mr. Lee has always cared more about the materialistic aspect than his own family, even at such an early age. Regardless, that was the only time he’s seen Mark’s father care for his friend.

“It’s kind of surreal I’m not gonna see you guys anymore until who knows when. I’ve gotten so used to you; it’s a little different from when I used to see you all the time as kids and growing up but living with you has changed everything.”

“How so?” Donghyuck was curious what he meant. Yes, things have changed but he wanted to hear his friend’s reasons. “For starters, I got closer to y/n.” Mark had no malice in his words but Hyuck didn’t see it that way. He was already on edge for the way he saw you two earlier and all the occurrences in the past month so the mere mention of you was throwing away that sweet moment they just shared.

Haechan’s tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek, shoulders tensing while glaring at Mark. The older one doesn't notice just yet. As his eyes rake Mark’s figure, they spot a familiar piece wrapped tightly onto his wrist. Compared to your bracelet, Mark’s was worn out and a few threads from ripping off. The beads had lost their color and the once bright blue was now faint, almost gray.

“I can tell.” There no longer was warmth to Hyuck’s voice. It was hoarse and deep, clogging Mark’s eardrums and forcing him to look at his younger friend. That intense and angry glare confusing him but when it comes to you, even he can’t help but get defensive.

Mark squints, taking the last sip of his drink and tossing the bottle to the side. “I’d say she probably took your spot as best friend.” He jokes but it doesn’t translate well with Donghyuck who bitterly chuckles. “She said the same before she gave me these.” Pulling down the collar of his shirt, Hyuck points at the slowly fading markings on his neck.

That’s when things came crashing upon Mark. His comfort and happy bubble had burst and reality flooded around him. Why would Donghyuck just blatantly hurt him like this? Rub in that he could show off your love publicly while he had to hide it.

“Looks like I have a new best friend.” Mark ignores the action, inhaling harshly against the cigarette butt not caring about the stinging warmth against his fingers. “But you’re my best friend.” Hyuck whines, his voice playfully pitched but his eyes dark and sharp.

“And if I replace you?” Mark taunts the younger, raising an eyebrow in defiance. When Hyuck was to answer, the clicking of heels distracted them. Turning to the interruption, the two gawked at your figure. The glare of your sparkling dress was brighter than the lightbulb outside. If anyone saw, they looked like moths attracted to a light source.

While fixing your hair delicately, the two admired how the fabric hugged your every crevice. How it wasn’t long enough to cover your legs, the legs they loved so much. And when looking up directly at your face, makeup only enhanced how beautiful they already found you.

“Can one of you zip up my dress? I just did my nails.” You explain walking closer to them. Naturally Hyuck was going to stand up to do so however Mark had beaten him to it. Smiling at you who in return ignored it while blowing at your hands, fanning them to quicken the process.

You didn’t care who had taken the responsibility but they did. While Mark basked in the joy of doing these small things for you, Donghyuck glared at what happened before him. He couldn’t directly see how Mark slowly pulled at the small zipper. His fingers traced patterns on your back to have a feel of you just one more time. Even if it was this simple. And when he found the metal to reach its end, disappointment wasn't too grand as he was able to enjoy your body again.

“There.” Mark says with a smile pulling away. He hadn’t fully forgotten about the younger male but he would much rather enjoy your presence. “Thank you.” You return the gesture, throwing him a soft toothy smile.

How he loved your smile.

“You look beautiful, honey.” An aggravating voice cut through the moment. Pulling you towards him, Donghyuck takes you into his arms after spinning you around. You giggle at his comment, patting his chest to calm the giddiness.

“You think so?” Your eyelashes flutter trying to avoid his gaze, glad the blush from makeup could disguise the warmth rising onto your face. “You’re the most beautiful woman I know, y/n.” He confirms in a husky voice, his lips slotting with yours in a quick tender kiss to not ruin your lipstick. Not that it matters, in minutes it’ll be gone with the final dinner.

Reluctantly separating, Donghyuck chuckles when your eyes meet. Satisfied with the shy smile slapped across your face. “Right, Mark?” He looks at his friend, head lifting slightly just to see how his body will react.

It was to say that Mark had been taken aback. Worst yet, when you turned to look at him, a sheer blank expression was there in comparison to how you looked at Donghyuck just seconds prior.

It’s fine. It’s fine, you have to put up a front — like you have with Hyuck — before you two leave tomorrow and leave this smug asshole behind.

“Yeah. Truth be told you are, y/n.” His voice had dropped an octave. Taking the box of cigarettes from the table, Mark turns on his heel towards the house. “I’ll get the wine from the basement.” Leaving you two behind and the clanking of his dress shoes following him.

The interaction had soured the mood. When minutes prior you two happily kissed, right now Donghyuck was battling with his tongue to keep itself shut. But not even biting it was going to make him avoid the following conversation.

Once inside and placing the plates for dinner; Hyuck’s tongue had won the battle against his teeth and the brewing venom slowly slips. “Y/n?” He calls out, smoothening the cloth napkins. You don’t spare him a glance, humming in response with a scowl when noticing Mark’s traces in one of the side dishes.

“I know you and Mark have gotten close but could the affection dial down?” Your attention was now fully on his words. While you enjoy knowing he’s growing weary, a part of you feels annoyed at his request. “What do you mean?” Your actions stopped, attentive to whatever he has to say towards the subject.

He looks at you momentarily before placing the cutlery. His shoes try their best to distract with their squeaky sound. “There’s hugging him as a greeting and then there’s hugging him while laying in bed. Or him zipping you up. There's a limit to things y/n.”

The cascade of silent meek words had instead furthered your irritation. Turning to fully face him, indignation smothered your face. “Why? Do you not trust me?” He refuses to look at you, resting his weight on his extended arms against the table.

“I didn’t say that.” “Sounds like it.”

He feels your persistent glare, the radiating heat burning holes into his flesh. Hell, he could see the smoke wafting towards his eyes to keep him blind. However Donghyuck musters a deep sigh, rubbing at said organs with defeat.

“I just want you to care for my concerns.”

Mark’s presence didn’t allow for your vexatious response. For the most part you were glad; this was bound to go south with you throwing in his face what he’s done. The cycle will never end. At least for now you’ll rest assured that he’s aching like you’ve wanted him to.

Subsequently the dinner was tough to go through. While small talk made itself present, it was never long enough unlike the clinking of glasses, cutlery, and the background noise of the TV informing you all of how in hours the transition to the new year will be made. Things followed that way until you all got ready again and made your way to the beach.

While it wasn’t crossing the line to Mr. Lee’s property, it wasn’t far enough for you all to drive there. With around three glasses of wine down, two shots, and the beer bottle in each one of your hands; claiming you two were being boring, Mark had managed to tranquilize the ambiance and get you two to relax.

Through giggles or full on cackling, both men argued while recalling yet again another one of their anecdotes in this same beach. Most of them being of the torment they made Mark’s older brother Taeyong endure.

“You guys suck. I know what it feels to see their pet be made into a meal.” You pout at the story they had just finished telling. A butterfly effect had taken place that summer when the boys broke their arms. To tease the older of the three; Mark and Donghyuck had tossed his pet crabs around the beach. Through tears and whining from Taeyong, Mr. Lee had forced them to chase after the few they could salvage.

But their chances were slim and given the play set was already in their search area, the faith of the youngest two had been told. Mark’s and Donghyuck’s malicious actions led to a temporarily long painful period. Sadly to say that even Taeyong suffered from the happenings. Mr. Lee had already been angry at the boy’s actions regarding the crabs and when his eldest son had rushed in exasperatedly to the point he dropped the bucket of said pets inside the home— their faith had been sealed the instant Lee senior blamed them for everything.

That afternoon arriving from the hospital, Taeyong’s pets had become a delicious meal for the Lee family. Much to Taeyong’s disapproval and hunger strike that week.

“Come on pretty girl. We were like, what? Seven?” Hyuck defends in between laughs, his arm wraps around your shoulders to leave a sloppy kiss on your cheek. You scowl at the action, a smile following suit when he leaves another one to tease you.

While Mark wasn’t enjoying the view, he didn’t want to sour the mood. You all had finally been able to go back to what you’ve all known and he knew how much it meant to you to end and start the year well. If he has to cut off his tongue and gouge his eyes out to keep the peace, then so be it.

“I would’ve cared but those little shits always pinched me any chance they had.” Mark spews jokingly, pinching Hyuck softly to emulate the pets. Comically exclaiming his pain, Donghyuck adds a quick jump to his step. Alcohol was getting to them but you won’t complain. Behind the remorse, you wanted to see your boys happy too. At least for now.

“Yeah, well it’s not fun being excited for your meal and suddenly while you’re almost done your family drops the fact that you’re eating your pet made into a pot roast.” The memory of Lola, your cow will always live in your heart. Even if she was a cunt.

“Pot roast sounds so good right now.” Donghyuck’s jesting insensitivity made Mark almost choke on his beer, coughing through laughter while you shove Hyuck off you. “Oh come on!” He laughs, trailing behind you until he grasps your waist and pulls you close to him.

He tries to contain his laughter but it escapes regardless. You weren’t mad to say the least, you just enjoyed teasing him in a different way. Resting his chin on your exposed shoulder, the honey brunette turns to kiss the crook of your neck. The smell of alcohol embedding itself on your skin.

“Isn’t Lola the one who kicked you? That you fell into the mud?” But no one could win against his mockery. “Well…” This time you couldn’t help but laugh along, the melody from your throat letting the other two know it was fine to laugh too. “It was a really good pot roast.”

Through laughter, jokes, teasing, and more drinking; within minutes the three of you found yourselves by the shoreline viewing the ebullience of every partygoer. String lights amongst every pole, clumps of people drinking and dancing amongst themselves. For miles all you could see were masses with glasses reading ‘2000’ or mardi gras beads.

Greeted with sparklers and beaded necklaces around your necks, the three of you swished the wands around. The yellow sparks fly off and dwindle quickly. “In case our bank accounts get drained or locked in a few hours… Cheers!”

It hasn’t been the easiest year or for that matter the best last years of the decade but if for just this night you’d all ignore your wrong doings then you’ll be assured that there’s something out for you. Seeing Donghyuck prance around with his best friend, the happiest smiles on their faces would have made you feel as giddy in the past but alcohol is treacherous.

While it treats them well, it’s tossing you around. Playing with your heart and brain, mocking you for what the universe will do to this friendship. You won’t deny that having Mark stay with you had brought back peace and happiness initially. But after a while of giving yourself to him, he became a bore, almost like you had drained him of any fun.

Donghyuck had turned out that way long before his friend arrived. Maybe it was because of work and the exhaustion it piled on him. But he was more silent and avoided you, especially whenever he knew an argument would happen. It may have bothered you but you failed to see that your constant berating had made his light dwindle.

Seeing them act so freely amongst themselves, laughing as if nothing has happened stabbed your chest over and over. It wasn’t guilt or sadness. On one hand you hated seeing them this happy while you weren’t but on the other, you’re glad that at least they can enjoy their company until the older one leaves. And after so long this is the first time you’ve seen them cling to each other lovingly. Like the brothers they were before all this.

But life will never grant you the gift of happiness. You’ve made too many mistakes to have that now.

While the hours passed in which you’d all laugh, danced, and sang about the bliss of life; Donghyuck parted momentarily from you two to get more drinks leaving you alone with Mark. The latter took this opportunity to close the gap Donghyuck had been occupying. Sliding his way to you and pressing himself against your back.

The sensation caught you off guard, exasperatedly looking around to make sure your husband wasn’t witnessing this. “Not here, he’ll get back soon.” You swallow the lump in your throat as your hands battled on whether to push him off or let the drunken lust win over.

A breathy sigh expelled from his lips, softly nipping where Donghyuck had kissed you upon arrival. “One last dance of the year, baby. You’ll kiss that asshole when the clock hits midnight let me have this at least.” The coarseness of his voice made your eyelashes flutter, the sensation of his chapped lips drawing you further into temptation.

Maybe falling victim to your needs one last time wouldn’t hurt.

Your hips began swaying against his own, pressing your back further into his chest whilst he held you tightly. Both dancing to the sensual melody without a care of the outside world. The trail of his fingers against your exposed skin left a boiling feeling. Your blood attracted to his touch like the first time.

You looked up at him through lashes, giggling when his own stare was glued to you. Mark himself chuckled when your eyes met, smiling while biting his inferior lip and leaning down to capture yours with his. Temptation had won against your restraints, forgetting that your husband wasn’t far away.

But a harsh tug made you stumble and the painful crack of Donghyuck’s knuckles against Mark’s cheek brought the two of you back to reality. Shock filled your body and your breathing felt short. It was all crashing down on you at the worst time. Twenty minutes till midnight, this will be your end.

“What’s your fucking deal, asshole?!” Mark angrily reproaches at his friend, holding his cheek, wincing with every touch. “What do you mean what’s my fucking deal? You’re kissing my wife, you dick.” Haechan pushes against Mark’s chest, making the latter stumble. He might be angry but a taunting chuckle leaves his lips.

“One of many times.”

“What did you say?!” Earning himself another push, this time nearly tripping over his feet. When he stabilized himself, he returned the gesture to the one assaulting him. “One of many times, dickhead! On your bed, couch, bathroom, kitchen, car, hours ago!” Definitely, Mark extends his arms in an open invitation to continue.

“If you weren’t such an asshole she wouldn’t have looked for someone else that could treat her better.” He gnaws the inside of his mouth, wincing again when accidentally gracing his cheek. Alcohol had proven to betray Mark. Hours earlier it was his best friend and aided him in loosening up but now it was spewing all his wrong doings and rubbing it in his brother’s face.

“Hyuck, it was just a kiss. Please, don’t make a big deal.” Your attempts at calming the situation had failed, instead making him grow angrier. How can it be just a kiss when Mark just confessed about your affair? “One fucking kiss? You stink of him almost every night. But no only I’ve fucked up!”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue, shaking his head with irritation. “If anything she’s only doing it to piss me off. She only fucks you to get it out of her system. This whole time she hasn’t run to you now that she has me. Her husband.” His venom clung to Mark, etching down every single one of his words onto his mind.

No. No, Mark knows you love him and you wouldn’t just use him. You love him. That word: husband. Husband can only mean so much when the people in the party are happy and not miserable like you all are. But why does it hurt every time it’s said without correlation to himself?

“You guys are fucking unbelievable. The year is about to end and you’re ruining it for me. You just had to be men, claiming and possessing as if we don’t have our own say. Useless as always!” Your angry words cut through their direct dialogue; turning to your figure walking away from the scene. People had started to pay attention however you’ll be damned before you’re the joke of any town.

They weren’t of any help, the two argued as they followed behind. Not too far to lose or not be associated with you. Regardless they’ll drag you down with them even if they don’t intend to.

“I’m tired of you throwing that word around as if it had any meaning to you. The same person that forgot his anniversary and left her crying and came back smelling like whores with cheap lipstick stains? Do I have to remind you how you threw the shirt away instead?”

You had reached your wits ends. In the instance Mark’s words left regarding your husband’s second plausible affair, you stopped in your tracks to look at both. The fiery pits of hell decorating your pupils and rivers of agony pooling at your waterline.

“But you reproach me about hugging mark? Are you fucking serious, Hyuck? Again?” A sob tried sneaking into your words, clutching onto your mouth to not let your voice betray you. You didn’t look back at them, if you knew anything about either is that Mark would smugly turn to Haechan and mock him while the latter tries to beg for more time.

Again. Donghyuck had been unfaithful to you in the past and just this night Mark was first hearing about it. Any guilt from earlier into the affair was now gone. If he could, so could you. The news might have killed him earlier but now he rejoices in knowing that no morality will stand between you and him anymore.

Donghyuck takes your hand into his. As much as you tug to get away from him, his grasp shows to have gotten stronger. “I haven't done anything! At most they threw themselves at me, you know the meetings are always at clubs, y/n. Please… I said I wouldn’t do this to you again, I promised.” The sob you failed to expel, he did instead.

You tried avoiding his sad puppy dog eyes but his touch will always be a weakness of yours. Regardless, you won’t let him see your vulnerability. Mark had witnessed it and instead he was using it against his friend’s neglect. They were all the same.

“You haven’t done anything?” Your voice slips between your gritted teeth. He shakes his head exasperatedly trudging behind while you continue until you’re finally by the sliding doors of the porch. “Just like you didn’t do anything with your catering girl?!”

The increase in tone of your voice catches both off guard. Confused but intrigued, Mark watches as you pull your arm from Haechan’s grasp while he’s left with trembling eyes. “I wish the cheek kisses were more than just that…” Hearing you recite the words, Donghyuck knew it was back to square one.

“Y/n, stop.” He begs, walking to reach you but you back away. “I want to hold you again and again. To wake by your side like last night. To feel your warmth and kisses until we both die.’ I want to hold you… feel your warmth until we die. You’re so full of shit.” The lump in your throat wouldn’t pass, it suffocated you with every passing second but it hurt more reminiscing the contents of those letters than dying from asphyxiation.

While he may be part of this, Mark was out of place in this instance. He was just another spectator now like all those masses outside.

“You can recite them all you want but I never lied to you about what happened.” His voice was apologetic with a lingering sadness after every word. “Right.” You roll your eyes, finally reaching for a glass of wine to sedate your anger.

“Yes! I never lied to you about what went on unlike you! You said it was purely platonic between you two. Indignation all over your face when I brought it up then and today and you still want to act like I’m the only liar.” Even now you couldn’t find it in yourself to admit you were wrong. At least not anytime soon in this lifetime.

Raising your glass with a shrug, “Okay, I fucked him. So what? You fucked her too. We’r–” “I never fucked her for fuck’s sake! Listen to me for once! I never fucked her! Kissed from time to time and slept in the same bed but we never fucked! You didn’t want to console me, so she did.”

Mark had been the shoulder you cried on when Donghyuck’s actions broke your heart but now you’re leaving the stubbornness behind to understand he had his own shoulder to cry on.

“You're supposed to be my best friend, my ride or die and instead you’re fucking my wife! You’re supposed to be my fucking brother!” Donghyuck screams out in a sob, turning on his heel to see a stunted Mark. The older of the three needed a long time to process what he was hearing.

Time has run out for you all. It was too late to forgive and forget. The fireworks illuminating the dark outside and screams of glee embedding itself into all of your minds. January 1st, 2000: The end of the world to many but for you three in particular.

All there left was disappointment and sadness. This isn’t how you wanted to start or end your year but consequences will always come to those with malicious intent. Even if it refers to revenge.

“Always have to ruin everything.” You spit out, glaring at your husband and directing it to Mark. The words stung in Donghyuck’s fragile heart. Enduring years of your vicious words was making it harder for him.

Things went for worse when you took Mark’s wrist into your hand, dragging him towards his room. The younger’s heart began beating achingly at the image before him. His ears went hot and he felt light headed seeing his friend comply with you.

“Wh- where are you going?” His question went unanswered.

“Y/n! Where the fuck are you two going?!” Panic constrained his mind. Many scenarios played in his head and they all ended the same way. With you and Mark intertwined on the smooth sheets of the bed. Caresses and kisses over nude flesh while he could do nothing about it.

All through the transcript of dragging Mark to his bedroom and locking the both of you inside, Donghyuck hadn’t stopped his whining and crying. Begging you to not do anything stupid and for you to stop this torment.

Truth be told, you believed that your husband hadn’t slept with the catering girl but it did hurt to know he went to someone else for comfort. While it is your fault he caused those extremities, you couldn’t help that rage within you. Bringing up the subject made you feel like that sixteen year old when your father’s way of coping with your mother’s death was by remarrying another woman.

Why couldn’t any of them just cope your way? Why did they always have to resort to other women? If they couldn’t deal with how you wanted them to, you had to make sure they felt your pain, one way or another.

The banging on Mark’s door kept getting louder by the minute. Donghyuck’s grueling cries begging you to get out of there brought a sense of peace while Mark felt terrified. He’s never heard Haechan beg like this for anything, not even as a child when he threw tantrums.

Moreover, Mark’s senses began to calm down as Donghyuck’s banging did too. All that’s left was hearing the younger sob through the wall begging you to not do something stupid and to think about the marriage. Under the impression that you had dragged his friend to fuck under his nose, Donghyuck was distraught and broken.

Once and for all, Mark felt triumph. He was the one you dragged inside with you. The one you’re laying next to even if it’s just to stare at the old glow in the dark stars stuck to his cieling. It was him you’ve chosen and that’s enough for him to know you loved him. Him, not your husband.

At what point did he go wrong? He’s always loved you even through insults and arguments that made his self esteem die. All he needed was someone to care for him in his lowest point and the person he needed most left for a three month work period. Leaving him to rot and wallow in the pain of mourning.

While he may not have loved the seaweed girl, he liked that she was there for him. But maybe that’s where he went wrong. Using her and giving her hope led to his bad karma and here he was, begging his vengeful wife to not fuck his best friend, his brother for who knows how many times. To spare him of any more pain but it was hopeless. Hope is a dangerous thing for a man like him to have.

Haechan had lost a brother that year and now he’s lost another.

The seasons had come to an agreement and decided to stick to what they’re known for. It was the coldest and gloomiest time to begin a millennium. In contrast to yesterday’s heat, today the prickling wind wouldn’t stop torturing your cheeks.

Streets were empty and stores had at least a handful of people. Everyone was either rejoicing the world didn’t end or hung over from all the alcohol that coursed their bodies. You only hoped many didn’t start it the way you three did.

“Welcome in! Order when you’re ready!”

The diner at the train station was the most packed compared to any other store you’ve passed by. While the elderly waitresses greeted everyone that went in, Donghyuck and Mark found each other sitting silently in one of the booths. You had decided to order some coffees but the line was longer than expected.

Nothing went past subtle glances and sighs. If it wasn’t for the no smoking inside policy, Mark would’ve pulled one out by now to aid his restlessness. As the seconds passed and you didn’t come back, the older of the two sighed one last time and finally decided to open his mouth.

“We didn’t do anything last night.” Hyuck doesn’t question or care to continue. Unlike him, Mark’s conscience was corroding. If you were to leave with him in minutes, he wanted to make peace with his oldest friend. There’s a chance his father will keep him around and whenever he sees the two of you at functions, he doesn’t want things to be awkward.

He shifts in his seat, leaning over the table. “I’m sorry things turned out this way. She’s just– I don’t know, she’s great.” He fondly chuckles yet Donghyuck’s chuckle was anything but that. If you were to follow Mark's plan, then Haechan hopes Mark can endure the hell you’ve put him through.

“I don’t care, Mark.” The eldest stops to look at his defeated friend. Hyuck had been playing with his wedding band while Mark talked and though it may cause a twinge of jealousy, it shouldn’t be long until he himself has one. RIght?

“I don’t care how things went. All I know is that you’re a fucking traitor. I could’ve expected this from anyone but not you.” Mark tries to apologize but Hyuck’s dark glare shuts him up. With all the pain he’s caused him, why is he acting like everything should be alright between the two? Maybe Mark and you did deserve each other.

“You know you’ll always be my best friend right? My brother.” Mark’s words weren’t malicious but after everything, Hyuck can only stare at him before letting out a scoff that comes out as a chuckle, granting Mark a grin of disbelief. “Yeah. I believe you.”

Mark responds with a smile but the sour taste in his tongue can’t be scraped away. He’s aware Donghyuck is being sarcastic, he just hopes in the future that he’ll forgive him. As much as this unknown feeling pains him.

“Here, I didn’t want to prepare them and have you two annoy me if it was too sweet.”

Nonchalantly you included yourself in their conversation as if last night’s scenario was nothing but a nightmare. Early in the morning you had woken them up, sweet talking both of them with a bright smile on your face. Things might have gone south but after a long restless night you weren’t going to let your year go to waste because of them. This is about you and you alone.

Consequently this is what Donghyuck was thinking about. How soon you were going to ignore any of your wrong doings and sweep them under the rug. You were going to force him to forget any ill word you’ve thrown at him for the sake of your peace without regard for his own.

He may be selfish now since the period of you finding out about his affair but he had learned from the best.

Regardless he couldn’t take it anymore and sought his way out towards the restroom where he could have some time alone. If he didn’t have at least five minutes he’d burst your bubble and it was best to not awaken that hurtful beast within.

Neither of you spared him a glance; raising your cup to be polite towards Mark, you take a sip of your coffee, biting your tongue after the liquid burnt it. “Do you want me to go get your ticket while he’s gone?” Mark breaks the ice again, his spoon swirling the mixture of liquids.

“Hm?” Your confusion catches him off guard, mirroring your knitted eyebrows as you take another sip of the coffee. “Train ticket, y/n.” He nervously chuckles, the spoon in his hand clanking against the table. His words didn’t ring a bell in your mind and all it caused was for an anxious whirlwind in his chest to form.

“For what?”

“You’re leaving with me aren’t you? I mean, you stayed with me last night while he cried his heart out. That should mean something, right? It was your answer, right?”

His voice pitched increasingly the longer you gave him a blank stare. “That’s just a normal argument. Why? Did you get scared?” You giggle, throwing him a smile, acting like you didn’t just burn your tongue for a second time now.

He tried his best to avoid the feeling of hate and sadness. In his brain you were just joking around with him. A part of him reassured him that at the last minute you’d tell Hyuck he could go to hell and you’d accompany Mark’s journey for eternity after. He was so sure of it after all he’s witnessed. But worry and doubt would never failed to fuck with him.

“Y/n… Last night you– I love you, y/n.”

“How low can one get to sleep with his brother’s wife? I don't see that as love.”

The sentence had cut deep in him, enough that no type of medication could cure the ache in his heart.

“We had plans, y/n for fucks sake.” His voice cracked, lips trembling ready to cry. “No, you had plans.“ It slips through gritted teeth, his eyes sharp like your tongue that spewed venom into his heart.

“If you took a second to listen to those plans, you’d realize how selfish and self centered they are.” You were beginning to get angry. Mostly for the fact that he’s bursting the bubble Hyuck was avoiding. The facade was over, Hyuck knew about you two, and Mark wasn’t being mindful of your own feelings.

“How?”

“How? I move out with you and start a new life in which I’ll be staying at home and you’ll work. How familiar does that sound?” The wind gushed outside, slapping the windows in order to make Mark put some effort.

“It’ll be different…” he cleared his voice, it was meek and silent, an obvious restraint in wanting to admit it wasn’t too different from what you have right now. “How is it going to be different, Mark? Tell me how.” The whirlwind in your own chest contradicted his. While he felt anxious you grew annoyed.

“So are you leaving with me today or not?” Mark raised his head, finally looking you in the eye. There should be a part of you that preferred him regardless, no? After everything you two have experienced and the way he’s made you feel, why wouldn’t you choose him? He needs you for fuck’s sake.

Placing your cup down to look back at him, a grimace of annoyance decorated your lips. “You haven’t learnt anything have you?” You leaned over the table, feeling the lifting wood poking your ribcage. “My grandma always used to say: If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.“

“God can laugh but I still have my plans. Now it’s up to you if you slip out of his grasp and move in with me. I’ll figure out how to make it different eventually. I’ll be waiting for you.” His eyes betrayed the harsh tone in his voice but Mark wanted it to be clear that he’d do anything to cater to you. Even if it meant that you’d break his heart from time to time.

Mark looked outside the window, sand from the beach danced across the platform entrance. Like Donghyuck, he couldn’t bear being in your presence now. Accidentally bumping into the table while he stands, Mark makes way towards the door, not before throwing you one last glance.

However you weren’t too keen on putting others over yourself.

“Donghyuck is my husband.” You spat, back angrily hitting the cold plastic booth backrest. In his desperate agony, he fumbled out the door with those same words ringing as loudly as the entrance bell.

The mentioned man had gotten out not long after Mark had left, questioning his whereabouts but dismissed by you asking him to walk along the shoreline while you all waited for Mark’s train to arrive.

After speaking with Mark in which he took refuge in the platform benches, it allowed for both you and Hyuck to take the opportunity to bask in the presence of each other.

What was there to say? Any argument and reproach had been screamed last night, enough to hurt everyone involved but mainly him.

For someone that wanted to avoid a horrible start of a new age, you had failed and all that was left was the mixture of resentment and anger towards the two men in your current life.

Hyuck similar to you, shared those sentiments with the exception he wasn’t too angry. Rather than so he was sad. Sad at the fact that his best friend, his brother, could've done that to him. To smile and laugh under his roof while fucking his wife and not feeling guilt whatsoever. In fact the bastard gloated as if you had chosen him instead.

While he had no room to judge, he still had the right to feel horrible about this now confirmed betrayal. He wondered if you felt this pain when you found out. You had expressed your anger through destroying the house and becoming cold towards him until Mark showed up but that was about it. He never had the chance to see you cry about what he had done and he believes he never will.

You did cry of course. Despite the way you treated him and tossed him around, ignoring his cries for help, you still loved him. You loved how attentive and kind he was. You loved that he stuck by your side after your lashings and the nostalgia of how sweet he was when pursuing you. So to realize that there was a possibility of him doing all that for someone else broke you.

Why would he confess profound love until his final breath just to go on and have a fling with the next girl that gave him attention while you’re gone? Well it was easy and while he started telling you last night, you needed more.

Stopping in your tracks, feet away from the platform and people; you turn to the ocean, watching the increased height of the crashing waves. Their splashing kisses your skin and the wind makes your hair dance across your face.

When noticing, Hyuck turns his body to you, tucking away the strands behind your ear. His warm hand lingered for a few seconds on your cold damp cheek, staring with sorrow embedded into his pupils. It’s fascinating how often your bodies contradict each other. He didn’t say anything, all he did was look at you, eyes flickering across your stoic face. Many things crossed your mind but your face never showed it.

Up until he dropped his hand and stood beside you to be consumed in the whirlwinds of today’s weather; your voice interrupted his silence. No thoughts in his head but now the melody of your voice swirled around in his cranium.

“Do you think in another universe we could’ve been happy together?”

You didn’t turn but he does, the confusion on his face easing when the question washes over him.

“Perhaps when we learn to fix our mistakes and flaws.” “What flaws? Yours?” “Right.”

He laughs exhaustedly. In this universe or any other, he didn’t believe you’ll ever be able to accept that you’ve also fucked up. It was notable that you were able to admit you and Mark had been fucking but even that you blamed on him. He wouldn’t complain, there’s no doubt that you did it out of spite but regardless he knew what he was talking about.

You couldn’t wrap your head around last night’s information. Maybe because your affair consisted of pure carnal desire but you couldn’t understand how Donghyuck didn’t take that approach with the catering girl.

“W-why her?..”

There was no intention for your words to come out shaky. What you feared was your walls starting to crack at this information. On his part, Hyuck didn’t want to speak much anymore. He knew if he told you more, you’d be upset and he feared you’d throw a fit again but your insistence by holding onto his arms and hesitating to pull him close was enough.

Glancing at you with worry, he sighs. His head drops and turns to the sea hoping it could swallow him. “My brother died a week before and you left, y/n. You left me for three months when I needed you most and you barely answered any of my calls. And I know you didn’t just leave for work, I know you didn’t want to deal with me but she did.”

Your world came crashing down on you. He was right, you did leave to not deal with his emotions to get away from him and to avoid the feeling of grief all over again. When his parents had come over to tell him the news it reminded you too much of your mother’s death. Sad part is that when you came back he too had replaced you with another woman the same way your father did with your mom.

At the end of the day your plan had backfired on you. You didn’t know how to comfort him nor wanted to, dealing with the strong emotions of others was never your thing. But till this day you’re paying the consequences as he is.

“She listened and comforted me. I guess I confused it with love because the second you came back all that flooded my mind was you regardless that you left me or all the times you called me useless for not doing things your way. You could add that to the reasons. She was nice, if I made a mistake she wouldn’t berate me and instead helped me with it. Why did you change, y/n? You were so sweet and suddenly you just… dropped the act.”

To hear it come from his mouth crushed your heart. To an extent you knew your actions would have led to this outcome but you always put the blame on him.

You shrug, throwing him a quick glance. “I’ve always been like this, Hyuck.”

“No, the girl I fell in love with was sweet and playful. You became mean and cold after we got married.”

“You changed so much too. Once you started getting promotions you became such a pompous ass. Constantly staying out for meetings till 2 AM, always smelling like alcohol, and lessening the help at home. Then after the affair you gave up so fast in trying to amend anything that you became worse and that’s when the constant fighting began.”

He couldn’t forget of course. He still recalls you shredding to pieces the book of poems he wrote to you and binded. He felt his heart go when you had done that; watching his hard work and feelings just thrown away over a petty argument of who would walk the dog next. Sad to say when those poems were destroyed the dog went out next. Every fruit of your love withered little by little.

Donghyuck took refuge in his job to stay away from you. Despite how in pain he was, he still had hope things would get better, that maybe you’d forget and try to work it out again. By the time Mark had arrived, that hope had died out and he was tired of the cycle that he just mimicked your way of treating him.

Nevertheless in the past months that you changed how you treated him, it blossomed again. Of course, good things never last and when his suspicions kept being thrown at his face, he understood what life had brought upon him.

He hums as a response, sighing loudly in the process. “I don’t think we can be happy any time soon but at least this is making us actually talk about it now.” His deep voice adds, turning to you to get a sweet answer but he was simply met with a cheeky smile and: “So we’re even now?”

He laughs finding it unbelievable. No apology or anything of the sort. Some things won't change too fast but regardless his sentiment was similar. “Yeah. We’re even.”

A relieved smile spreads on your face, nodding in agreement. “Till death do us apart.” No matter how much you two confess your disdain for each other, you’ll always be together. Call it sadomasochism or exhausting familiarity but you and your husband are sticking together.

All these years you were waiting for Donghyuck’s downfall and having him confess it has been happening all along had alleviated that weight on your shoulders. You had done it and he was paying for hurting you. Some sentiments never change but even with that information, you aren’t satisfied. What you two had was ruined and everyone involved ended up losing.

The locomotive was louder than expected. In addition the conductors and ticketing people were heard even from where you two stood. This was it, Mark’s time was over with you two.

Cocking his head for you to follow him; with hooked arms, the both of you make way to the bench where Mark sits nervously. His legs shake from either the cold or wondering if you’ll still leave with him. Even now that he sees how close and happy you and Hyuck look together, he’s willing to convince himself it’s another front.

“Got everything ready?” Hyuck calls out for his friend. Mark stands from his spot, nodding as he releases the smoke of his millionth cigarette. “Yeah, yeah. Just–” He lifts the stick between his fingers. “Can’t have one in there.” Mark chuckles, his vision removing itself from you two.

“I’ll call you guys when I get to the apartment. Taeyong and mom are going to help me get the paintings out. Do you want me to do anything before I leave the key?” It was mostly directed at Donghyuck, that sliver of hope clinging tightly. You were the one to speak instead.

“Maybe water the plants if they’re not dead yet.”

In recollection of what you two did together, Mark had remembered the plant you two helped sprout. The last time he paid attention to it, it was bright and green. Now he imagines it dull and dead.

He nods with a tight lipped smile, inhaling from the warm cigarette butt. Silences lingered momentarily but Hyuck was the one to cut through it. “We’ll see you for your housewarming, alright?” Mark nods, standing when you two stopped clinging to each other.

“Take care, okay?” “Okay.”

The hoarseness in his voice threatened him the longer he clung to Donghyuck. This was it for the two of them and he had thrown it out for lust. His only rock was leaving him. When it came to you, the hug wasn’t tight enough, something in his heart told him that you’ll be joining him soon.

But little by little as you and Donghyuck make way down the steps and out the platform, he wonders how much longer till you run back inside to get your ticket.

His hope had dwindled slowly back at the diner when you had cruelly crushed his expectations. Up until now that flame was left but not seeing even your locks had turned it off. All that is left is the delusional idea that you’d actually fall through with the plans he made for the both of you. Chances fell slim the closer last call came around.

There was no trace of you or Hyuck outside the station, all there left was the cold winter with the addition of families or couples enjoying themselves oblivious to his pain dispersing through his entire body.

His teeth shattered while he shivered, the cigarette in between his lips doing nothing for comfort or warmth; Mark was alone and cold. The only source of physicality came from the ticket staff to let him know this was the last call before the train left. He nodded, giving one last look around, feeling his face scrunch up after ridding of his cigarette.

The cold bit him harshly, tears smeared his face holding back his sobs now that reality had settled. His cold hands wiped away the boiling streams that burnt his cheeks but it only made his skin ache more. He didn’t care if people could see his sorrow painted on his face. All he has now are memories, paintings, and pictures.

He will never see you two again.

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