#seems to be working though..
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I'll either succeed or I'll learn trying
#I wanna REMEMBER THIS!!!!!!!!#its helpful for me to keep in mind#not failing. learning#learning. learning makes failures into something worthwhile#grimacing as I repeat this to myself#text post#delete later#idk saying it cause it made me be like heh. nice#so idk might make someone else be like hm... nice#so LAMGOMSAGKLSAJGALKGJASLKGMSALKGJ#there is not much thought behind the things I post there's just not really much thought in general#honestly that is not true#I overthing everything. on account of the anxiety#but it's all good#speaking of the doc gave me an anti anxiety med on top of the adhd thing#so that's cool#seems to be working though..#she told me I could up the dose and I might do that in like a week if it feels like hrmm#I asked for all the instructions about starting stopping upping lowering or changing the time I take things#cause yknow. those things matter and I like to experiment to figure out whats best for me#this has nothing to do with the post#also they messed up my order again#i only got 180 books#bro theres 120 more#where are they#give me my books!!! please!!!!!!!1#I'll wait til tomorrow#its possible they just didnt fit on the truck. thats completely reasonable
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(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)
#polls#tumblr polls#For me I think the top ones would be the House. The Money. or the Friend Group. But I ultimately might would go for the house#JUST becuase it would be my Dream House which means it would already meet mostly all of my specifications#and what I might be looking for. which would save a lot of time searching or customizing/rennovating.#Also because I could use that as a way to leave the US lol.. like .. if I get to choose my dream location.. couldnt I just choose some othe#country?? But I wonder how that works. Can you legally 100% have full ownership of a property in a country yet not be a citizen of that#country?? Would you show up and be like 'erm.. i own this house.. so i shall now live in it' and theyd be like 'uh no. you cant live here#despite owning the house. leave.' ??#So I think the initial process of 1. scraping together funds to actually MOVE myself and my most valuable belongings physically#TO another country. and 2. figuring out how to STAY in that country . might end up being difficult.. BUT. if I could just work that#part of things out then.. dream house?? security for once in my life?? stability?? :0#Though the $1mil is enticing it's also like.. I feel .. with the way housing prices are now... that's not much???#it's a lot I guess if you plan on like.. investing half the money and staying in an apartment for 5 years while you grow your wealth#or something. but if you're a 'I Need Stability NOW' ready to settle down person who would be most interested in owning a property rather#than nice clothes or a car or whatever other investments you could make then.. eh..?? It seems like unless you're okay with living in#a small town or kind of far away from the city - even some SMALL houses in majorly populated areas in the US will be like#$600.000 - $900.000 or something. like that would be MOST of my money. Which I know you could just pay partially and make#payments on it but idk.. in the option of just outright owning the house it seems like it'd end up being cheaper.#Plus I would want to own it fully asap because I'd be afraid of losing it somehow otherwise. like it being taken for medical bills or#something. which I thought was supposed to be - not IMPOSSIBLE - slightly more complicated legally if you actually have#paid off the house in full. I guess the issue then would be utilities and property tax and such. But I feel like thats overcome-able??#Like I could just stipulate that my Dream House has a little furnished addition or something and then find someone#with money and be like 'Look you can live in this extremely nice area with amazing ameneties and updated everything and ALL you have#to do is give me money to cover the utilities and property tax.'' or something like that. Like the little furnished addition is nicer#than the actual house. they have their own pool and spa and movie room or something and Ill also cook all their meals for them#or whatever (how luxurious it would be depeneds on how high the property tax actually is/how much I would need to entice them into#why it's a good deal for them to pay it for me lol). idk... something like that.. ANYWAY#I asked a few people I know though and one of them answered they'd rather have a romantic partner. the other one said they'd like#to be able to choose someone to die lol.. So I'm curious what people value the most
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it's hard when you're forced into a situation with an autistic stranger (like, say, waiting for an elevator) where you're both trying to run the "how can I be a chameleon" scam on each other, and both short circuiting. it's like when ai images cannibalize themselves and start distorting into nonsense
#sorry to the lady in my class#you seem very nice#but we were trying to run the same software on each other and it wasn't entirely working#does anyone get what I'm saying though? I'm not just speaking in tongues?
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low lays the devil in me
*if you tag as ship it's an insta-block. not what this is. thanks
#lab creations#gravity falls#stanford pines#bill cipher#based on the nightmare by henry fuseli obviously#I finished this one a little while ago now and hesitated on posting it for reasons you can probably guesstimate#was having a lot of sleep problems at the time#the hand replacing the horse's head was inspired by dunmeshi though#hopefully I don't alienate anybody with this one but I like my more vulnerable work and hiding it forever seems like a waste
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Sorry if I'm mixing you up with someone else, but you've worked security before, right?
If you're willing, I'd be really interested on your thoughts on the murderbot diaries or murderbot as a character with that in mind?
Like did you recognise aspects of your job in murderbots descriptions of security work? Or did they like throw you out of immersion in the story?
Anyway thanks and hope you're having a good day/evening wherever you are!
As a security guard who has read the first two Murderbot books, Murderbot has been the number one most realistic security specialist character I have ever seen in media so far 😭
The third most annoying thing in security in my experience is handling threats. The second most annoying thing is having no threats to handle and being bored. The number one most annoying thing is the client being an idiot
Ihave social anxiety which I am medicated for. When I am in uniform with clear instructions, that anxiety is zero. I have a script and a set of rules and that makes life easy. I’m super good at performing tasks with clear expectations and that’s kinda how I keep getting good offers, it’s super straightforward
Bad clients are clients who give stupid, inefficient, counterproductive, cruel, or flat-out illegal orders. There are ways of shutting that shit down without them losing heir shit, but it’s still a pain in the ass every time
I’m a security specialist. I specialize in security. This is what I am trained for- handling crisis situations and minimizing harm. If you, an off-shift cashier at pet smart, see me deescalating a situation and decide you’re gonna drop your untrained uninformed ass in there with zero context or skills and “help” because I look small and helpless, then all you’re doing is increasing my likelihood of getting hurt while increasing my paperwork load by like two hours, and I’m gonna hate you the entire time. What you have essentially done is promoted me to meat shield while giving the aggressor I’m calming down an obnoxious and aggravating hostage. Good god please do not
Yes, I am sometimes asked to stand perfectly still in a corner for several hours like a mannequin. What do I do to avoid going insane? Think about Star Trek and the very good fanfiction I’ll be reading on my break, mostly
Yes I can assist in evacuating tw location in the event of an environmental disaster. No I cannot tell my waiter that they put cilantro on the wrong order. Yes this makes perfect sense
I love Murderbot. I love how realistic it is. Like obviously I can’t speak for everyone in the industry but yeah I’ve worked for absolute dogshit security companies in the past and yeah a lot of the books so far are super accurate to that experience so A+ so far, honestly
#Murderbot#the Murderbot diaries#teablart#Honestly I would never want to BE a security guard like Murderbot cause it seems really unhappy with it’s position in life#and it’s ‘employers’ understandably#But it seems like a partner I’d really enjoy working with#Feels like annoying chatter would be at a minimum and tasks would still get passably done#It might hate me though#I’m a bit neurotic and tend to care too much about following rules and doing well#I think about the job too much#Murderbot I could see being much happier as an EMT#Or a park ranger#I don’t know if Murderbot would be happiest doing guard work even if it had personhood and a choice#Even me… I think I’m mostly here cause it’s what I know#I think a lot of people live like that#doing what we know#whether or not it makes us happy
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you always land on all fours
#umineko#umineko spoilers#ikuko hachijo#ikukos turn for a more serious piece... the old man has reigned for too long#now. INCREDIBLY LONG INCOHERENT TAGS RANT INCOMING FAIR WARNING HAS BEEN GIVEN:#it makes me so so sad how little discussion there is about specifically ikuko because imho she fits so neatly into a lot of the more#overarching Big Themes of the game in a way that i have not ever really seen people take notice of or point out in a meaningful way#like even just off of the top of my head. the significance of names and what it means to go by a name that's Not Yours (she has like 4+)#what it Means to be a witch how it represents a person's deepest insecurities and flaws & how its at its core a coping mechanism#the fact that it takes two to create a universe and trying to do it on your own anyways has the capacity to bring you intense misery#^ (how she's shown to be extremely dismissive of her own work and skill until a collaborator comes into her life and helps/encourages her)#and even the family/patriarchy/misogyny stuff that is so prevalent in the rest of the game comes back around to her. even her Only Friend#(young&stupid atp to be fair) remarks that shes Weird for being unmarried + the little she does say about her past invites the question of#to what extent her self-image stems from her family deeming her a freak outcast & effectively disowning her while celebrating her brothers#and i have lot in my mind about the witch thing specifically because i think her particular situation is very reflective of what umineko's#entire magic system and fantasy facet as a whole is meant to represent for an individual. from what little we see of (what is presumably)#her Real personality she is shown to be deeply self conscious in a way that is JARRINGLY diametrically opposed to both 1.) what we see in#featherine and 2.) what we see when she is acting as a Public Figure. because both of the above are very much purposeful acts that she is#putting on in order to obfuscate her true self. and i have always been very resolute & adamant about not totally equating her to featherine#not only because im very firmly in the camp of “featherine is the avatar of the Pen Name & tohya is part of her too” but also very much b/c#i feel very strongly that the stark differences between the two are very centrally relevant to her character & her psyche. as is the case#with most other witches featherine's personality traits serve to reveal/magnify a lot of ikukos inner workings by playing on her#insecurities/reversing them e.g. ikuko being very quick to downplay her skill/achievements becomes featherine being the COMPLETE opposite#to the point where she barely registers even other witches as living beings rather than just fun touys. BUT even though i do champion the#ikuko/featherine separation so hard i ALSO think it is purposefully relevant that at first glance the line between them seems so blurry#her introduction implying a more nebulous separation between her reality/fantasy counterpart is i think is an intentional move on her part#like it is part of the front she is putting up when acting as the Author. as opposed to Ikuko the person who we (in a way ironically very#similar to the way that the Real Battler is presumably only shown during the boatscene) only very briefly get to see take up screentime#which even on a meta level lines up very well with her apparent underlying nature as a like. extremely private largely reserved/shy person#hit tag limit but if by some miracle anyone is still reading this thank you... please see ikuko with the love she deserves... ok ily byeee
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can someone PLEASE get these characters out of my head I do NOT want them here anymore they keep making me SAD
more on the first one in the tags
#Alan Becker#ava#ava victim#ava mitsi#Ava the second coming#CLEARLY. I have a favourite pair.#this is like a collection of things from the past few weeks#they have the sauce that makes me crazy and insane#First one was a doodle where I was like “actually I could be even more evil rn”#Based on something I saw on Twitter where TSC somehow dies or whatever in the Box#I thought “what is a potential outcome of this which would work based on where the story seems to be heading”#And I stumbled upon “mitsi is revived but is kind of horrified at how she was brought back”#would this be too dark for Alan Becker?#maybe. CG did actually die on screen though so certainly not impossible. Would be weird to have two revivals in one season tho#Is it fun to think about? Yes#victim gets a reality check in like the worst possible way#massive wrench to throw in the revenge spree
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Was thinking about Stan's habit of grabbing his chest when he's scared and then thought about what if he did end up having a heart attack or something after Ford came back. Like, he's been stressed for ages and now he's gotta worry about Ford potentially getting the kids into something dangerous like he did and where he's gonna go after the kids leave and what he's gonna do without the Shack.
Maybe it hits him in the middle of tour or something. Like, he's been feeling off all day and looks kinda ragged so maybe Soos is keeping close and sees him go down. At first, people think it's part of the tour or some typical Stan gag. And then he doesn't laugh or try to play it up for money. So the twins run down to the basement to get Ford.
He's kinda annoyed that his planning time's been interrupted by Stanley's antics, but the twins seem genuinely upset so he goes to check it out. And finds out Soos and Wendy called an ambulance and there really IS a problem. Then he kinda disconnects from the situation. Like, he's panicking internally but this isn't the first major medical situation he's been in. So he calmly gets the kids (Soos and Wendy included) into Stan's car and follows the ambulance to the hospital. He's the one wrangling the kids while they freak out and asking all the questions to the doctors and nurses about Stan's condition. He can't take time to worry about his brother because he's got a bunch of kids to reassure and they're all looking to him because he's the eldest person there. He's an old man with all the answers in the universe. If anyone can tell them Stan's gonna be okay, it's gonna be Mr. 12 PhDs.
Except... he doesn't.
He doesn't know anything about his brother's medical history past the age of seventeen. Dipper's the one to mention Stan's medication and Mabel knows his diet and Soos and Wendy know about his boxing hobby and work schedule. Ford has a hazy memory about Stan chewing his way out of a trunk once.
He starts thinking about how Stan's the only family he has left. Sure, the twins are there, but they don't really know each other. Shermie and his son are just over the state line in California, but they don't know who he is anymore. Stanley's been wearing his face for years and they never seemed to notice. His parents are dead. Fiddleford is 30 years in the wind.
Stanley's the only one who truly knows him. Knows about his deepest insecurities and childhood dreams. Who knows his favorite books and comic book heroes. About his first disastrous date and the kissing bot. About how badly things had gone for him and been at his doorstep only a couple of days after receiving a single postcard after 10 years of silence.
And Ford knows nothing of the man Stanley became. Stanley doesn't know how Ford has changed. How he's trying SO HARD to fix his mistakes.
And suddenly being so angry over some paltry little machine doesn't seem so important. Ford's the one who built a doomsday device.
He's still angry with Stanley taking his identity, but what does it matter if no one noticed? Sure, Stan got him a criminal record, but he made one of his own in the multiverse. Their family has always leaned to the gray side of the law.
And now they may never get the chance to know each other again. 40 years without each other and the pain of potentially losing Stanley cuts Stanford so deep he feels like he's the one dying.
So he sits in that cold hospital waiting room, four hysterical kids surrounding him, and wears a straight face while his world falls apart around him.
If you lose your parents, they call you an orphan.
If you lose your twin, they don't stop calling you a brother.
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#grunkle ford#grunkle stan#stan pines#ford pines#long post#angst#potential fic idea#a one shot at least#was watching that one golden girls episode again and my brain kicked into high gear#ford just seems like the type to shut down and compartmentalize when things get too stressful#like yeah he gets angry and emotional when he's stressed#but i can also see him being able to hold it together long enough to control the situation as much as he can#especially if someone else needs him#and he cant fall apart with the twins and soos and Wendy around because that'd only upset them and make things worse#so hes gotta suck it up and put on a brave face even though he wants to cry and yell#because hes angry too#at stan for everything and especially for not taking care of himself and risking his health and the universe by working on that damn portal#but also at himself for holding a grudge so long when other things matter more#and hes terrified about how hes gonna take care of the kids#he cant raise babies! (preteens)#and soos is crying and wendy is yelling at the nurses because thats how her family does things#they need stan just as much as the twins do#just thinking
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attack for @plaiesancier !
#my art#art fight#artfight#artfight 2024#furry#anthro#scalie#snake#illustration#xallith's characters are all so gorgeous but jean is a personal fav - sea snakes are super cool and she has a lot of their charm#had a LOT of fun with this one! lots of textures to work with and b/w contrast in the character so i thought a monochrome image would work#i.e my specialty. i think. though people seem to like my colour work nowadays too which is encouraging#once again - i looove art fight thank you art fight for my life. july would be just another month if you didn't exist#gonna try to pace myself more from this point so i don't completely burn out. i've got more free time this year though#so hopefully can do more than last year
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I came here for the silly haha doodles, but I've stayed for the absolutely blazing commentary in the tags. Your analysis of this story is so so so good! Thanks for all the work and thought you put into this!
I am just a silly little comics blog. I am not hiding anything in the tags, no way. Never.
#ask#digital art#I truly am grateful for the amount of people that not only read my journal-essay-thoughts on my comics#but also take the time to respond and/or write their own thoughts on the themes and scenes.#I really love taking apart stories and seeing how the threads weave together. Like flipping over an embroidered tapestry!#Some people thinks it ruins the illusion of what a story is - to me it *elevates* the experience to see the seams.#It's like knowing how they did the practical effects and stunts in a movie. It give you a deeper appreciation for the work that went into i#Thank you for acknowledging the work I put into every part of this project!#When I started drawing I....well...wasn't really the strongest with my visuals.#Humorously recapping scenes played off of my strengths (silly billying) and also just made the project *fun*.#But right from the start I also wanted to take my time and marinate on the themes and journal my thoughts.#I never really expected people to read them!#What might seem like a quick comic takes me several hours and I often spend a good bit of time with my tag essays too.#I owe so much to everyone who's dropped by to cheer me on and make this blog into part of the community.#to those who just lurk or drop by once in a blue moon - I thank you as well for coming along for the journey.#So even though it adds extra time; these little essays are a treat for you B*)
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i'll sing 4 u
#frog#frogblr#frog art#low poly art#low poly#lowpoly#low poly animals#flicker tw#flickering gif#gif#gif warning#i took a lowpoly break to experiment w/higher polys and had a dissatisfying time tbh#learned a lot though#but i did learn that my lowpoly stuff seems to work in godot fine?? so that's intriguing#all this time i just assumed they couldn't be game-ready lol
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black vulture grian
#though the exact function isn't known#it is believed that when vultures spread out their wings in the sun (called the horaltic pose)#it may be a form of thermoregulation and parasite control#seems like early mornings in the desert would be perfect for that#(i really like turning this man into different birds)#this one was started back in november and worked on and off till like january or early february#then sat with it for a while cause i couldn't decide if it was done#i intended for this to be line‚ color‚ and simple shading..........#how does this keep happening#grian#grian fanart#hermitcraft#third life#< - i suppose technically?#initially i didn't mean to‚ just had the vibes of desert#then i got to the background and well#raff's art
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we’re all stifling at the bottom of a dustbin
no lighting
#spokeishere#spokeishere fanart#minutetech#minutetech fanart#unstable universe#unstable universe spoilers#unstable universe fanart#Mapicc and rose are there too#:]#purple’s arts!#but yeah this moment is one of this lowest points#if not the lowest#but even though it is his lowest he needs to still get up and crawl towards the bright light or whatever#and then work to stay there#I love uuspoke because he actively admits his faults#he apologizes to minute (or at least he says that what he said was embarrassing for him)#and in infiltration he realizes how he was acting#and mentally joining the mafia and stuff#and he admits that#yadda yadda#I know the ending makes it seem likes he’s going to get worse#but I think ultimately he will get better ever so slowly#and he’ll have shitty moments but he’ll grow from those#maybe#or maybe spoke will make his block guy even worse idk lol#anyways I’ve talked for too long bye now!#purple's arts!#fanart
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TELEMACHUS AND ANTINOUS. FINALLY
#throwing a tiny bit of (NOT FULLY THOUGHT OUT AND VERY MUCH A WIP) info about them here for u guys#i was trying to figure out what the fuck antinous could do in this au#and then i was like oh wait monster hunter. obviously#so hes a monster hunter lol#<- this is actually sorta funny because the temporary odysseus lore i have is that he used to be a monster hunter at one point#and then he got bit on the job or something lol#aughhh this is very embarassing to admit but this whole au in my head is very heavily inspired by the danganronpa fic out for blood#so i will admit. i just stole hajimes backstory from that fic#btw you guys should read that fic. even if youre not into danganronpa it doesnt really rely on canon at ALL and its very good#anyways as a temporary thing i dont really think borrowing that matters#anyways monster hunter antinous just seems like the natural conclusion here idk idk#i dont really have a solid story in mind in general so im not worrying about how different aspects interact atm#anyways telemachus thoughts now#hes obviously still penelope and odys kid so. funny vampire/werewolf hybrid thing lets talk about that#so i imagine he takes after odysseus in MOST things. he is for all intents and purposes mostly just a werewolf#but ahh. ok i dont know werewolf lore so im gonna explain it#(its very much again just based on one really good danganronpa fic i read)#i think when turned its sort of like. a blackout blind rage. very little complex thought involved. just kill and maim etc#<- not getting too into it bc of tag limits. lmk if you want me to ramble about how werewolves in this au work though#anyways i think since telemachus isnt a full werewolf this doesnt fully apply to him#he may or may not have violent instincts but he could probably resist them and hes at least semi-aware when turned#anyways i think penelope dresses him. thats why hes so fancy. very much giving off heavy vampire energy despite barely being one#is he immortal* like a vampire? we dont know and were not gonna test it hopefully!#also he could probably drink blood he doesnt HAVE to though and he doesnt like the taste really. penelope does not get it </3#ok done rambling in the tags now time for art tags#doodles#epic the musical#epic monster au#antinous#telemachus
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princess mononoke crossover for an au challenge a while agoooooo (most of these are referenced from film screenshots)
i'm pretty sure i've seen kurapika as san before (and rightfully so) but i had to be predictable and draw melody as ashitaka, because:
(...i'm guessing that's probably mostly about the "curse that changes your body and also gives superhuman powers" thing, but i ran with it lol. I do think Melody's attentiveness to strangers' heartbeats and emotions kinda jives with Ashitaka's curiosity about other people, and they both seem to have a habit of going out of their way to help people they just met - maybe even meddling a little more than everyone else would initially want haha)
aaand sorry to be cringe but I couldn't do a mononoke crossover without this scene:
...okay not quite that scene - but I think "don't recklessly throw your life away" is a little more Melody-coded than randomly telling a stranger they're hot lol
#hunter x hunter#hxh#melody hxh#senritsu#kurapika#chrollo lucilfer#kurasen#melopika#chrollo as eboshi was a spur-of-the-moment choice but I think it actually works#not sure why he has the forehead bandages though it just seemed to fit somehow#i also wanted to keep melody's tendency to freak out a bit in Situations#i like ashitaka but almost felt like he was maybe a little toooooo perfectly calm and composed all the time 😂
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Bunnydoll Week 2023
Day 5: Sickness
#bunnydollweek2023#bunnydoll#jax x ragatha#my art#Another day where I really didn't have time#Stubbornly I refuse to fall behind though#Drawing them sort of chibi seems to be the go to when I'm scrambling to post something after work#How do you get sick in the circus? I imagine it's not a regular illness but a lingering effect from an adventure#They both have it#jax#ragatha#digital circus#tadc
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