#self harm cw i guess??

[xitsensunmoon]

He still loves your stupid face

@kandidandi screaming at you

[s0fter-sin]

the 141 recovering brainwashed!soap but he’s just a shell of his former self; never speaking, never moving without orders. he never even blinks; just stares straight ahead with his unnatural green eyes.

empty.

but ghost can't accept that.

price and gaz can't stand watching ghost torture himself day after day; visiting soap in his cell for hours at a time, trying anything he can think of to bring back his sergeant.

he shows him pictures of the 141 but soap thinks he's being given targets and moves to eliminate them before ghost stops him. he brings him his journal, tries to trigger his innermost thoughts and feelings he never shared with any of them, but after he reads it, soap summarises it like he's giving a mission briefing. impersonal.

cold.

it's late when ghost finally calls it; low and defeated after another long day of being stared at with eyes that don't see him. he isn't thinking when he pulls his mask off and harshly scrubs over his face, grinding his palm into his eye.

"don't worry, johnny; we're still fixin' each other's problems," he promises, little more than a whisper as he tries to summon the energy to leave johnny behind. again.

he pushes himself to his feet, his hand on the door handle when-

"what's my problem?"

ghost freezes, something like grief - something achingly closer to hope - chilling him. he slowly turns and though soap is still starring ahead, there's a faint light in his altered green eyes.

"the mask," he forces out. "take it off."

he knows there's no way to remove the mask - the muzzle - from his sergeant's face. it's too high-tech, even for them; the biometric scanner too advanced for any bypass they know of.

it's just another way he's failed him; bringing him home still bound in their enemy's chains.

soap- jolts; a sharp, almost painful looking flinch jerking his body.

"show my face?" and his voice has changed; no longer the monotone delivery that's haunted ghost's every waking moment.

it's smaller. uncertain. recollection of a memory half-destroyed.

"yes, johnny," he breathes.

soap moves unprompted for the first time since they found him; running his finger along the edge of the muzzle where his skin bulges from the pressure, half-visible scars hidden beneath the harsh metal.

"ugly," he murmurs.

ghost immediately shakes his head, almost stumbling back to the table; haphazardly throwing his mask on it. "quite the opposite," he insists.

it doesn't matter if he has no lower jaw left at all; johnny could never be ugly in his eyes.

agonisingly slowly, soap's eyes shift to the mask. he takes in the balaclava and hard shell skull like for all the times he's looked at it since his rescue, he never truly saw it. his lids fall in less of a blink and more stage curtains closing; slow, heavy, requiring effort and no small amount of strength to open once more

"good... to see you again..." he trails off, his hand shifting up to the top of his shaved head; nails digging unforgivingly into his scalp

"simon," ghost finishes for him; that horrid grieving hope tearing at his heart

soap's fingers flex and a drop of blood trails down his forehead, over the ridge of his nose to catch on the muzzle. "s-simon..."

his nails dig deeper, the drop falling to the table just to be followed by more and ghost aches to stop him but he's terrified to interrupt him. terrified to lose him now when he's so close to something.

soap's bloodied nails scratch down the crown of his head, following the line of his stolen mohawk until they come to rest on the back of the muzzle and ghost's heart drops.

they can’t get it off.

they can't get it off and he doesn't know how to explain that to soap; doesn't know if he can stomach watching soap pull at the monstrosity holding him captive, the inevitable bloodbath as the edges cut into his skin.

"show my face," soap repeats.

"johnny..." ghost begins weakly, reaching out to him but he doesn't know how, doesn't know if he even should-

the muzzle clatters onto the table.

the biometrics they couldn't bypass, the fingerprint they needed that they were so sure belonged to makarov.

it belonged to soap.

how cruel to torture him with freedom he didn't understand he could take; didn't even understand he could want.

just the kind of sick game makarov loves.

ghost doesn't know what's louder; his heart pounding in his ears or the long, uninhibited breath soap takes.

his eyes fall shut as he leans his head back with it, the blood still dripping down his face as he straightens through his exhale. his lower jaw is a mess of scars where he fought against the previous iterations of the muzzle, the corners of his lips cut through and cracked.

but the green in his eyes is duller; that light sparking brighter as blue struggles to break through the glow.

ghost's never seen anything so beautiful.

"good to see you again, johnny."

[betweenblackberrybranches]

Hanahaki comic Part 2

Part 1 Part 3

Sometimes the one thing scarier than than being rejected is being loved back

Stay tuned for part 3

[giftplane]

You think of a knife, and the fragility of the human body. You think about splitting it apart to prove something, maybe to yourself. Proof that it's real, visceral.

more fic fanart can you believe it woahghhhhgh anyways this one is for @discatded 's fic TRY IT AGAIN, CHEATER! really enjoyed the new chapter felt something in my own bones reading it

[bat-luun]

im normal about my ocs i swear trust me boy. (click for better quality)

[hellosunnycore]

I realized I only posted Walpurgisnacht before, but never her lovelier counterpart — Saint Valentine! I'll make a cooler illustration for her at some point… when I have the courage to face those details again

[fauxbia]

warning for some self-harm-y stuff. iterator brainworms are Real tonight

me drawing concepts as a way to get them out of my brain (i cannot cohere my thoughts into words help me) i reall y like this..wahoo

[chibishortdeath]

Wow I love apps that let me properly crop my drawings (Instagram you know what you did)

Anyway, Simon :3. This is totally me when I didn’t know a ritual would result in the partial resurrection of the dark lord and not a cure for the curse currently rotting me alive! I love drawing Simon’s Quest fanart fr. And yeah the third image is my profile banner at the moment of posting this, now you guys know what it’s from hehe.

[pandostims]

kind of a vent but I need to talk a bit about head banging and how trivialized it is.

cws for discussion of self harm, ableism, and shitty doctors (and of course blunt force head trauma)

not putting it under a cut for the sake of access but be aware before you expand the post please!

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I am honestly sick of living in a society that makes hitting your head against things a joke. The example that always come to me is that perennial Peanuts gag where a frustrated Charlie Brown repeatedly hits his head against a tree. This is probably the first image of this action we had ever seen. A punchline.

Banging our head against the wall is a form of self harm we have engaged in- and fought to stop doing- since we were six years old. We can identify it as such because even at that age it was accompanied by a sense of self loathing, and was usually our means of self punishment when we had done something wrong- and as a sensitive kid with RSD, it felt like we were *always* doing something wrong.

We knew that it was something we did when upset, but never really understood it as self harm. It was certainly never treated that way- the reaction was never as grave as it was to the one attempt at cutting we made. It was just something we did. Something that, at worst, shook the walls of the house.

That is, until 2022.

People who have followed us for a bit may have come to learn that we suffered our third concussion two years ago. What we don't so often admit is that this concussion was self inflicted during a panic attack in which we repeatedly slammed our head against the side of a building.

At the hospital, the doctor was incredibly dismissive of our concerns, despite the symptoms being worse than any previous concussion. He told us simply, "don't bang your head against walls". As if it were that simple.

Our therapist at the time was the first person to treat it with the weight it deserved. We had hurt ourselves so badly we *got a concussion*. She had us enroll for an IOP immediately.

Two years later, and we still have Post Concussive Syndrome. We can hardly talk about this topic without feeling triggered, and we still regularly see people making jokes about a form of self harm that has lead to a continued deterioration of our abilities. At best, it's just a silly joke to people; at worst, something that's only done by people who are "crazy" or severely disabled, and nobody gives a damn if we fuck up our brains any more.

If we talk about it, I feel attention seeking. If we ask people to censor their jokes, I feel like a buzzkill. And it fucking hurts.

[saturncoyote]

hey just a quick reminder that MAYBE you shouldn't send images of you self harming to random people on the internet ??????????? what the actual fuck

[purgemarchlockdown]

This thing for some reason took forever to format but like...The conversations Magic and Purge March are having with each other are so so interesting

[maniculum]

Bestiaryposting -- Rubkawat

As a reminder, all previous entries in this series can be found at https://maniculum.tumblr.com/bestiaryposting .

The Rubkawat is a bird of Egypt, living in the wilderness of the River Nile, from which it gets its name. It is devoted to its young. When it gives birth and the young begin to grow, they strike their parents in the face. But their parents, striking back, kill them. On the third day, however, the mother-bird, with a blow to her flank, opens up her side and lies on her young and lets her blood pour over the bodies of the dead, and so raises them from the dead. It is also a characteristic of this bird, they say, that it always suffers from thinness, and that whatever it swallows, it digests immediately, because its stomach has no separate pocket in which to retain food. Food does not fatten its body, therefore, but only sustains it and gives it strength.

Also, good news for those who have not enjoyed the recent bird focus -- the streak has ended, and next week's animal is only a bird if you want it to be. Bad news for the same demographic -- there will be more birds in the future. (If you enjoy drawing birds, reverse the above.)

Remember to tag posts with #Rubkawat so folks can find them.

[cicada-candy]

Okay, so this. Isn't really what I set out to do?? Bcs I still don't have a like. Solid idea in my head for what a witch-er version of jb would look like?? I guess?? But I still wanted to do Something, and I blacked out, and this was in my files.

Also mephisto's laugh was written backwards on purpose but I retrospect it just kinda looks like a scribble lmfao so make of that what you will.

Textless versions under the cut:

🎵🎶Why do I keep making comics when i have no idea what im doing🎶🎵

And also have Real People Things to do.

Eh whatever I had fun lmao

[autogeneity]

realized that although I have arguably been through some rougher or at least comparably rough times in recent years (vs childhood), I have felt no inclination towards self-harm in a very long time and don't expect to. like, if I think about feeling some of those ways now, I might take a walk or perhaps a run or go insane at a punching bag (...one may argue this is also a form of self harm but it's different I think). or idk just go somewhere do something. I had no such options as a kid! it was very literally trapped animal behaviour

[lestatslestits]

Sorry, just. Need to put this somewhere.

I’m having the strongest and most consistent self-harm impulses that I’ve had in…probably years? And like. My therapist is aware, it’s. Fine? I do think some of it is sensory seeking behavior so I’ve been. Like. I know pinching and picking/hair pulling aren’t ideal but that’s been my way of managing it without resorting to other methods. But it’s not ALL sensory seeking, some of it is stress and depression and a strong desire to….I don’t know. Not punish myself exactly, but. That’s the closest word I’m getting at right now. I don’t know. I’m okay. It’s just. Constant right now. And I kind of need it to be. Less.

[pherryt]

So last night, I started watching MHA for the 3rd time... (Yes, yes, go ahead and laugh at me @socially-awkward-chocobo ) And i noticed something that maybe i had noticed before but hadn't connected the dots on. but now I am.

About All Might aka Yagi Toshinori

during the first episode, when he's at the back of the crowd around bakugo and the sludge villain... he's berating himself mentally. and he's being pretty harsh on himself too. at the same time, he's got his hand on his wound - but he's not holding it, or clutching it like it's paining him, which is probably what i assumed originally. He's DIGGING HIS FINGERS IN.

He's PUNISHING himself.

that, combined later on in the time line (maybe almost 2 years later? 10 months to train Izuku, then the first year at UA, give or take. i'm not doing the math) Aizawa catches him outside and Yagi just blurts out how he's decided he's going to live.

Like he wasn't trying at all before. Aizawa probably thinks its recent, because of Kamino Ward. Probably as far back as the injury Yagi got, but...

what if it wasn't? What if those incidents were just the icing on the cake?

I mean, Yagi may have chosen this life for himself, but he probably never anticipated how much pressure there would be - even OUTSIDE of All For One, and that's a whole other kettle of fish - and how lonely it would be. It doesn't seem to me like he's got much of a support network, and it's clear to me he's super hard on himself (especially that first episode but there's a few other things here and there).

Now, i'll admit i don't know too much about this sort of stuff outside of what i've read, but it feels to me like he's Self Harming and possibly (passively?) suicidal. Like, he's never going to TRY to kill himself, his sense of duty and his need to help others is too great for taking such a final step, but maybe he's not being as careful as he should be. And maybe that's why his self harm takes the shape of digging into a wound that has him actively coughing up blood all the time. it can't be bad, because he's not doing anything permanent right?

so. uh. yeah. that's what i realized last night.

thoughts?