#seriously im having such a bad mental week for no reason

[hotpotatopotat]

Bakugou finds comfort in Deku's emotional support hair poof

[samwisefamgee]

i would love to not wake up 4 times tonight

[mrswint3rs]

“If I gotta sin to see her again then I’m gonna lie.”

pairings - dad’s boss krauser x fem! reader

summary- you end up on your knees for the stranger you allowed into your house while your father was away, not knowing he was your fathers boss.

content / warnings: unrealistically fast paced (cant help it), 99% smut, age gap (r! is in her 20’s, Krauser is in his 40’s), krauser is a major douche (at least in the beginning), quick bj, gagging, head shoving, mentions of power play, implied that reader is inexperienced, heavy d/s dynamics, mentions of sending nudes, lots of sneaking around & secret relationship, brief pussy tasting (??), use of sir, rough & unprotected sex, forced creampie, praise and degradation, random cut off because i was about to have another 2 week long meltdown and just want to be done !! (seriously sorry)

wc. 2.1k

a/n- title from rev 22:20 (don’t shoot the messenger version) by puscifer. sorry for taking forever!! my mental wellbeing has not been.. well. if this is shit, pretend its not :3 wanted to make it long but i feel like i shouldn’t have 😭 feedback PLZZZ… can’t tell if im getting better or worse atp.

The moment that front door swung open and you laid your eyes upon the man, everything in you changed. A gruff face greeted you, devoid of any readable emotion. He was honestly scary as shit at first. Had those cold eyes that looked like they’d seen everything. You just froze in the doorway staring, not bothering to be subtle with your ogling. He had a presence about him that demanded every ounce of your attention.

“Your dad home?” he eventually questions after the clearing of his throat. “Assuming you’re the brat he’s always braggin’ about.” Right. Your father. Of course he was here for your father.

The words you try to form almost die in your throat. “He’s uhm…at the store right now but you can come back later or something… Might be a while.” you stammer out. But the man simply brushes past you, welcoming himself to your home.

“No. I’ll wait here.”

He sinks into the couch, propping his shoes up on the table. Not a care in the world. Snatched up the remote and switched it off the channel you were watching prior to his visit.

Who the hell was this entitled motherfucker? And why was he so adamant on staying?

“No shoes in the house,” you reply meekly. He doesn’t budge. Just looks at you with that deadpan expression again as if you pissed him off greatly. Makes your stomach churn.

“Take em’ off for me then.”

Silence fills the room. The audacity of this asshole to reply to you like that. He looks down at you expectedly. The corner of his mouth twitching upward into a half-smirk. There was a certain smugness to him that angered you to your core. For some reason turned you on.

But you weren’t one to say no to people. Too afraid of angering them. Especially since you didn’t know his importance to your father. Maybe he got mixed up in some bad shit. This dude didn’t seem like the type to be buddy buddy with anyone, let alone your dad.

Hesitant, you kneel down, taking the time to unlace his boot. He raises an eyebrow, amused by the fact that you didn’t even question.

He enjoys a little power play, especially with an obedient thing like you. He could easily get addicted to it. You had that cowering look that he so craved. That look made him want to break you.

Your hands shake, fumbling to untie the second knot. “Good girl.” He coos. Your cheeks burn hot with humiliation and something else entirely. Something that’s a little too appealing.

He was a man of few words, but when he did speak, you damn near hung on every syllable. His eyes are narrowed into slits, studying you with great interest. He takes in every little detail, watching your every move intently as if you were giving him a private show. The pressure of his gaze makes you forget what you’re doing. You knew you didn’t have to listen to him, but you were. And you’d do whatever he told you to.

Which is what led to the ache in your knees and jaw. Before that day, you’d never experienced one of those ‘it just happened’ scenarios. Sexual acts didn’t ‘just happen’. They were planned, thought out. Not true at all it seemed. You weren’t thinking at all, couldn’t even remember what led you to gagging up and down on this strangers cock. It just happened. First blowjob and it was for this random douche who barged into your house.

A hand grips the back of your head, guiding you, forcing you to take him deeper. “Use your tongue, doll. Like I told you.” he grunts, shoving you back down again. You try. Failing miserably to lick along his length. Your throat constricts around him and he doesn’t cut you any slack, using it as his personal flesh-light.

“Keep suckin’ i’m not through with you.” You’re a drooling, crying mess. Just what he adores. “Make me cum.” he loosens his grip, letting you finish up on your own. But the second you try to come up to catch your breath, he shoves you back down. “Not done til’ i’m done, understand?”

Attempting to nod your head, you resume bobbing up and down on his length. Trying to ignore the cramp in your neck. You wanted it to end quickly. Not because your father was expected to arrive home soon. But because you wanted the man to tell you that you did good for him.

Focusing more on the head of his cock, your hand grips and twists along the rest, using your spit as lube. You weren’t at all confident in your abilities, but it seemed to work magic on him.

Without warning, he releases his sticky white ropes of cum into your mouth, cock twitchy and red. “Swallow for me. Lemme see… open that pretty little mouth.”

His hand cups your jaw, beefy fingers prying your lips apart to make sure you did as you were ordered. A look of satisfaction crosses his face and he lets you go. “Good girl. Now run along and get yourself cleaned up.”

Only then were you able to ground yourself. What a mess you were. Hair disheveled and face soaked in a combination of tears and drying slobber, a pool of need between your thighs.

He works to refasten his belt after pulling his pants back up. So casual like that didn’t happen. Like he does this all the time.

And you still didn’t even know his name. Didn’t know how he knew yours. Not until your dad got back from the store, multiple bags of groceries in hand. When he sees the man, he both lights up and dims down.

“Krauser… Hope my daughter was good company? Sorry for the wait.”

“Sure was,” he replies simply and a feeling of dread washes over you and you fight the urge to run and hole yourself up in your room as soon as possible.

Krauser. You’d heard that name before. Many times. That same name your father cursed when he got home from work every day. Krauser. Your father’s boss.

You told yourself that’d be the last time you’d see him. That what happened would never again be brought up and you’d forget it ever happened.

Safe to say it was only the start.

The first time was difficult. Your thumb hovered over that send button for at least twenty minutes before you finally just said fuck it and sent it. Had you burying your face into your pillow, heart racing like you were on the verge of a heart attack. Not like you sucked his dick just two weeks ago or anything. Somehow this was more nerve racking.

Quickly you learned, bra and panty pics earned you bulge pics. Tit pics earned you full dick pics. And moaning into the phone for him?

That earned a visit.

“Open your window for me.” he texts, and you hurry to do so. You pace around in circles, wondering if he’s just screwing around. Why would a grown ass man go through these hoops?

Seems he was as desperate for you as you were for him.

The second he climbs through, you open your mouth to speak and his hand clasps over it, burly arm pushing you against the wall. His eyes stare daggers into your widened ones as if trying to shrink you down in size.

“Quietly, and quickly, you’re gonna get on that bed and undress for me.” he removes his hand, backing off to undo his belt.

No time to spare it seems. As soon as your clothes are off, he’s on you. In an instant, your wrists are pinned above your head, thighs pulled apart revealing the pooling mess between them. His cock lays heavy against your stomach as he drinks you in, an almost crazed look etched onto his face.

He rubs his length through your folds, getting a feel of your warmth and he has to fight back his groans. He smacks it against your clit, watching as your face contorts. Looks real pretty to him, but he’d never grant you the privilege of hearing that.

The head of his cock probes at your entrance, teasing its way in and making you clench around nothing when it’s removed. “Don’t tell me, you’re a virgin?” he cocks a brow.

“No..n-no, sir. I’m not.”

“Good. Don’t need to worry about going easy on ya’..”

Without warning, he fills you all the way, drawing out a whine from your lips. He starts to roll his hips, slowly at first, before picking up pace, skin slapping loudly against yours. You cry out, in pain or ecstasy? He can’t tell. Just knows it’s a danger to be this noisy and he wasn’t going to sacrifice his pleasure simply because you couldn’t take him. Again, his hand clasps over your mouth, muffling your sweet cries as he continues to roughly rut into you.

“Wanna get caught, hm?” he asks, shooting a warning glare down at you. You rapidly shake your head no, blinking back the tears that sting your eyes. “Then be a good girl, and keep your fucking mouth shut.”

Hypocrite. He’s groaning and grunting up a storm, getting lost in the feeling of being inside you. You can tell by the way his face scrunches up all ugly that he’s already close. Every thrust, your headboard hits the wall. The wall separating your room from your father’s.

Krauser feels himself nearing his end, beginning to pull out. But you wrap your legs around his waist, trapping him inside. He has no strength left, his warm, white ropes spurt into you, seemingly having no end. Your walls contract around him, completely milking him for all he has.

His breaths come out, hot and husky against your sweat glistening skin. And he looks like he’s on the verge of passing out.

“You on birth control?” he mumbles out, trying to bring himself back to reality. When you confirm, he lets out a heavy sigh of relief and is able to relax his heart rate a bit.

That is, until you both hear the sound of the floor creaking outside of your bedroom in the hallway.

He’s quick to pull his pants back up, and take his leave. But he stops a moment, leaning down to whisper into the shell of your ear. “I’ll text you. I’ll get us a reservation soon.” His lips press to the side of your cheek, lingering a second or two before he rushes out.

Less than 24 hours after, and you receive a phone call, informing you of where to meet him. You feel a but guilty, knowing he’s given your father more hours just so you can get away with this while he’s away at work. But this isn’t something you’d give up easily.

You beat him there, first to get the keys to the room reserved for two. It’s a pretty decent place, not the type you see in those movies where they’re having an affair. Krauser was head of a corporation, after all. Of course he was loaded.

The key twists along with the doorknob and you let yourself into the room. Spacious for only one bed. Almost the size of a studio apartment. Well, not quite that big. But still impressive.

You flop down on the bed, taking your shoes, socks and everything else off. You were ready this time. You lie naked on the bed, confident in waiting for him.

The knob twists again, and your confidence is instantly revoked, replaced with that nervous feeling once more. You shame yourself for it, but that’s what he liked about you anyway.

“I’m off for the rest of the day, sweetheart.” his hands work at unlooping the tie around his neck as he makes his way toward the bed in the middle of the room. He sees you waiting, and the blood immediately rushes down south. His pants start to feel a tad too tight. Suffocatingly tight.

Something about you simply made him weak. He couldn’t control himself, and nor could you. You could see the hunger in his eyes. The way he looked at you was like a starved wolf, about to trap its prey between its teeth.

“Waitin’ long?” he grins, removing the rest of his restraints. “I promise, I’ll make sure it’s worth all the trouble.”

His hands pry your legs apart, and his face lowers to your cunt. His nose nudges your clit, his tongue teasing your opening. “So wet already… been thinking about me?”

[upsidedownmvnson]

fell off the moon | eddie munson

summary: jason carver threatens to hurt eddie if you continue seeing him, so you let him go. but eddie doesn't want to let go.

a/n: i loved this when i wrote it but im not so sure anymore... take it anyway :L

Eddie didn’t understand why you suddenly hated him.

Everything had been going so well. So he just… didn’t understand. It had been a few weeks of secret dates, of stolen kisses, and longing looks across the cafeteria. And then you just stopped. Stopped answering the phone, stopped letting him take you out, stopped talking to him at all. And it hurt, it hurt so fucking bad and he deserved an explanation. But you just wouldn’t budge. 

All he’d managed to get out of you in the hallway was, “maybe it just wasn’t meant to be,” but that wasn’t good enough for him.

You told him all your secrets. You were facing for him just as much as he had fallen for you, and you couldn’t just, just leave after making him fall so deeply.

What he didn’t see how you were hurting just as bad. How you were in agony because of all the pain you were causing. But you were doing it for him, you didn’t have a choice in the matter. Jason was powerful. Jason was rich, and white, and powerful, and he promised that if you continued on with the town freak, then Eddie would be the one paying the ultimate price. He all but promised that Eddie would be seriously hurt, or something. Jason already had it out for Eddie, for no reason, and you just… you couldn’t be the reason it gets worse. 

You weren’t totally sure why Jason even cared who you were with. You're sure it's something to do with Eddie’s misery, but it was steadily causing your own...

You were sitting in the cafeteria, painfully aware of how Eddie was trying to catch your eye, but you kept your focus down on your tray, poking at food you had no intention of eating. Your two close friends, Alex and Emma were talking about something, a movie they went to last night, but you didn’t care, you were so lost in your thoughts. You wanted to catch Eddie’s eye, but you resisted. 

“Are you ever gunna talk again?” Alex asked, frustrated and concerned at your sudden invisibility in the group. “You’ve been ghost all week.”

“Yeah,” Emma agreed, “we’re just worried. You were like, over the moon and then you just, I don’t know, like fell… off the moon.”

“I fell off the moon?” you asked, looking between the two of them.

“What Emma is trying to ask, is what happened? We thought you met someone, and then you just spaced out, but still haven’t spaced back in.”

You looked back at your plate, trying to telekinetically make them look away from you. Or maybe make their heads explode. Or your own head explode. But both of your friends continued staring at you, not letting you go without an answer, heads unfortunately unexploded. 

“I did meet someone, but, he ditched me,” you lied, slinking into your chair. “You know how it is.”

“Hmm,” Alex said, eyeing you suspiciously, “Who was it?”

“Does it matter?”

“It does,” Emma said, “we need to know you to hate.”

“I don’t hate him,” you whispered, sinking deeper into your seat and into yourself. “I wish he didn’t hate me.”

“You are being vague and cryptic, and we can’t help unless you talk to us.” Alex, always the voice of reason, and Emma nodding along like the loyal friend she it. But you can’t. You can’t and you don’t want to.

Betraying yourself, you looked over at Eddie’s table, catching his eyes for only a moment before you dropped them to your lap. He looked so sad. If you had kept watching you would’ve seen his defeated sigh, and his shoulders sink in disappointment. You kicked yourself mentally, you shouldn’t have to do this. You should be allowed to be happy with whoever you want. But… you also couldn’t let Eddie get hurt because you couldn’t let go.

“You’re going to have to fess up sometime,” Alex said, “you can’t keep going like this, it’s sad.”

“We’re just worried,” Emma reiterated, “because we love you.”

“Yes,” Alex nodded, “because we love you.”

And then they finally let it drop, clearly they wouldn’t be getting anything out of you. You peaked up at Eddie again, this time letting your eyes lock, and you didn’t look away, neither did he.

“Eddie,” Gareth said, “hello? Are you listening?”

“What?” Eddie asked, looking at you across the cafeteria. Your eyes were locked, and he was looking for something, anything, that would explain your painful change of heart. As far as he could tell, you hadn’t started seeing anyone different. And he had already recounted every last thing he had said to you the last time you had hung out, and between him, Gareth and Jeff, they couldn’t find anything wrong with any of it.

“Man,” Gareth sighed, “It’s time for tough love now. She’s not interested, I’m sorry dude, but…”

“But look at how she’s looking at me,” Eddie said, “she’s sad, I can see it.”

“Maybe it’s unrelated,” Gareth argued, he was compassionate but he was also slowly getting tired of hearing about you. He was also tired of how hurt Eddie was, and how you seemed to not care at all.

“I don’t know…” Jeff was looking at you too, “looks like longing to me.”

“Don’t encourage him!” 

“I’m going over there,” he said, loudly pushing the chair out, letting it squeal against the linoleum.

“Look at what you’ve done,” Gareth said, hitting Jeff on the arm.

But Eddie ignored his friends. He confidently walked towards you, catching the attention of Alex and Emma immediately, but you kept your eyes on your thighs, refusing to look as he stopped a foot away from your table.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked, and his confidence shook as all three pairs of eyes locked onto him.

“We’re kinda busy,” you whispered, desperate for an escape. You hadn’t really anticipated him just marching over to you and your friends. You had been a secret, secret meet ups, secret kisses. This was not secret.

“Actually,” Alex said, scrambling to get up, and Emma just watched the scene, confused as ever, “Emma and I have to go talk to the music teacher, about hum, music.”

“What?” Emma asked, and Alex glared at her. 

“About our song? Remember? We didn’t know if it-" Alex huffed, “will you just get the fuck up, please?”

When they were gone, Eddie took a seat across from you. Your palms started to sweat, and you looked around, trying to see if Jason could see you. The whole freaking basketball team was looking over here, so they would definitely tell him. What would they do? Hurt him? What the fuck did Jason want with you, anyway?

“Please,” he whispered, leaning his chin on interlocked fingers, elbows digging into the cafeteria table. “Just tell me what happened? And I’ll beg you for forgiveness.”

You looked shocked. “You’ll beg me for forgiveness? I’m the one who…”

“Don’t care,” he interrupted, “don’t care, I just want you back in my life. As my friend, girlfriend, study partner, I don’t care.”

You blushed, not knowing what to say. But Eddie did, “whatever I did? I’m sorry,” he stood up, leaping over the table and taking a knee in front of you, he scooped up your hand, kissing the knuckles five times fast, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, tell me what happened and I’ll never do it again.”

“Eddie stop, you didn’t do anything,” you whispered, heart breaking at the sight of his vulnerability, what were you supposed to do here? You considered the truth, and then you considered the consequences. In every scenario, it was Eddie that suffered them, not you.

“Well then,” Eddie took a seat beside you. People were staring, whispering. “Did you just not like me anymore? Because that’s fine, like really it’s fine I’d be happy with a friend too.”

“Eddie…” you sighed, shoulders slumping. You were thinking so hard, Eddie could see your gears turning. He watched, forcing himself not to brush your hair behind your ear. It was torture. “I do like you,” you finally said, breaking a minute long silence. “But, we can’t… I don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“Who’s gunna hurt me?” he asked, relieved to finally get a few answers out of you, even if they were basically a riddle. “No one’s gunna hurt me.”

“Yes, he is.” 

“Who is he?”

“Eddie, I…” you looked around, suddenly full of fear, and Eddie could see it. He could see the fight or flight take over and he had to act swiftly. He took your hand again, brushing his thumb over your knuckles, and the warmth that radiated off his skin was incomparable. You were just as desperate for him as he was for you.

“You can tell me anything,” he said, calming and sweetly. Sincerity dripping from every word, and you believed him, you did. But you loved him, you loved him enough to leave him, and make his time here easier. Jason could ruin you, but not Eddie. He wasn’t allowed to hurt Eddie.

“He made me swear,” you said, “and I can’t let them hurt you, so you have to go now. Go away and don’t bother me again.”

“I’m not going away,” he said, “not when you need me most. I see that now.”

“You don’t see anything,” you said, fear and bitterness taking you over, and anxiety cast itself through your body. “You don’t understand.”

“Then help me to understand,” Eddie begged, still tightly holding onto your hand. “And then I can help you.”

Eddie didn’t know what to think. He was so fucking worried, it drove him insane. Here you were, babbling about people hurting him with tears in your eyes, but you were so scared you couldn’t share it with him. So frightened by someone that you felt you couldn’t even talk to him. Eddie’s eyes scanned the room, and stopped on the basketball table, filled with lingering stares. It had to be them, obviously, but you just wouldn’t say what the hell they were doing. He had nothing.  

“If they hurt you because of me, I would never forgive myself.” 

And Eddie was back to you, eyes locked on you as tears fell, the anxiety of it all taking over, leaving you a mess in the middle of the cafeteria. He tried to calm you, but you pushed him away, freeing your hand and making a swift exit out the door. 

Eddie was stunned, could barely process what had happened before you were already gone. He wanted to chase after you, he wanted to go to the basketball table and ask what the fuck was going on. But he didn’t know… he had no idea what the right thing to do was. You seemed more important, so he tried to find you in the halls, but you were gone.

He wandered the halls, totally lost in thought. Gareth and Jeff found him a few minutes later, asking what the hell had happened, and when Eddie explained, they were no less confused.

“So, what? Someone’s not letting her see you?” Gareth asked, arms crossed with apprehension.

“I told you it was longing,” Jeff said, hitting Eddie’s arm. “She does like you, she just needs… something.”

“Yeah but, what? What are they doing to her? Why can’t she talk to me about it?”

“She said they were going to hurt you?” Jeff asked, “that’s probably the answer. Someone is threatening you and she feels guilty.”

“She did say she would never forgive herself,” Eddie said, “you think she’s doing this to protect me?”

“From who?” Jeff asked.

And suddenly Gareth got it, he was back on your side and he understood. “Who do you think?” He pointed down the hall behind Jeff and Eddie, where Jason Carver was angrily staring back at them, arms crossed with a scowl.

“That guy?”

“Hasn’t he been in love with y/n for like, ever?” Jeff asked, “it all makes sense.”

“Oh my god,” Gareth said, snickering, “remember when she rejected his homecoming proposal in the ninth grade? In front of everyone.”

And it all made sense. Jason Carver was the he. He wanted you to himself, but you didn’t want him. So he tried to ruin what you did have. It all made perfect sense. And Eddie was pissed. Furious that someone would toy with you like that, for what? Jealousy? Mad that the freak can get the girl that the jock wanted. Well, jokes on that asshole, because Eddie didn’t think of you as something to get, you were someone to love, cherish, admire.

“That weasel’s going down,” Eddie said, voice low and rough and unlike anything Jeff or Gareth had ever heard. 

“So, what’s the plan?” Gareth asked, and Eddie said nothing. Eddie just smiled.

[eriophorumcallitrix]

ok so i wanna talk about my biggest gripe with the latest reason for disliking tubbo. this ended up accidentally being a more in-depth character explanation from my/tubbos pov. and boy do I mean the compulsive overexplanation really popped off on this one

(disclaimer: you’re obviously allowed to dislike any character you want, I’m not your mom and I’m just voicing my own view + experiences lol)

one of the biggest criticisms for him im seeing as of the moment is that he’s being annoying. and I completely agree. I think he’s being inflammatory at really awful times. but what I don’t agree with is the lack of discussion about why he’s acting this way. chalking his callousness up to simple neglect or lack of care is a disservice to his character.

my interpretation of tubbos current mental state and how he got here is like this:

tension has been high strung for weeks now due to the egg island workers showing up and harassing people. they’ve killed empanada, and there really does not seem to be shit they can do about it. the federation doesn’t give a shit, the workers are OP as all hell, and tubbo has tried everything in his power to keep sunny and her siblings safe. not even his busted set of armor kept him from getting three-tapped. like tubbo said: “why try if there’s no chance of winning?”

so already, he’s depressed and frustrated with himself for not being able to do a damn thing to keep the people he loves safe.

then we get into his relationships with the people around him. in tubbos eyes, pac and fit are forming a close relationship that he feels is going to leave him behind. pac, fit and Ramon have each other now. they’re family now in a way that tubbo doesn’t seem to be a part of now. I can’t remember if he said this exactly, but it was along the lines of: well now there’s not going to be any space for me [if they’re that close.] his closest friends are moving on without him, and there’s nothing he can do about that either.

now we have a depressed barely-adult guy whose self esteem has TANKED because he feels like there’s no use for him anymore. his friends are moving on without him and the only thing he’s good for is how useful he can be to others.

except for sunny.

it barely took a week for them to get attached to each other, and now it’s them against the world. sunny is all he needs, and tubbo is all she needs. they mean everything to each other, and would burn it all down if it made the other smile. and right now? it’s looking like it’ll be just them against the world until further notice.

but sunny has her friends. she has her siblings! she loves them to death and they love her to death too. she has her accountant bad, her bodyguard fit and driver pac! (if I remember correctly xd) and they’ve got her. sunny can trust them, and has them to stick around for.

tubbo does not have this. don’t get him wrong, he’s incredibly grateful that she’s got people on her side that love her other than him! but this doesn’t come without unspoken jealousy and resentment. not resentment towards sunny, obviously, but definitely some jealousy of her relationships with the others. and possible resentment towards the others for not sparing the same kindness towards him.

this is where I tie back to my original point. the difference between sunny and her pa is mostly communication and trust of others. sunny is willing to communicate and trust others, and tubbo is not.

to start with why tubbo isn’t communicating with others right now: i believe he’s reached the point of emotional shutdown. he has tried his damndest to do what he can to resolve the situation and nothing has worked. this is already something I believe is stressing him out really badly, thus taking up a significant portion of his emotional threshold.

and now he can’t even seek solace or help in his friends because he cannot let himself trust them.

he has tried to give out cries for help in ways that aren’t necessarily straightforward. and he’s also said some seriously worrying things lately under the guise of being jokes. i don’t blame the others for not getting that, but I still can’t help but wonder why nobody’s really thought to look any deeper into it? like don’t get me wrong, tubbo says some completely inane shit sometimes. but has the frequency of these “jokes” and his inflammatory behavior not tipped anyone off at all?

regardless, tubbo feels like he’s tried. he’s not that good at communicating, and even when he is, he may not come off as treating the situation with proper sensitivity. it’s already a struggle to communicate, not even mentioning trying to ask for help. this is a whole other layer to wondering why he even tries doing things “right.”

he already thinks people only keep him around for what he can provide, so thats the only thing he thinks he’s got going for him and he’s barely hanging onto it too.

so as a result of not knowing how to cope with the situations around him and pretty much being extended past his emotional capability, he acts out. he doesn’t want fit and pac together because they’re gonna leave him behind. so he tries to ruin it. it doesn’t work, and they are continuing to move on without him. so he constantly comments on how annoying it is, and in a way, tries to get them to push him away themselves. he just wants a resolution to this hurt he’s feeling, and he wants them to just get “the move away” over already. but obviously that’s not gonna happen.

so he makes insensitive jokes, says stupid shit and does stupid shit too. he lies and blames others. he wants his friends to push him away already and give him a good reason to finally run away with sunny and completely isolate. this is beyond his capabilities, and all he needs at this point is a solid reason for him to finally hit the ground running.

but each day he comes back to spawn, doing everything he can to not completely lose it for sunny. he’s trying his best to keep it together for her, and he can’t let himself be weak. admitting his feelings in the place he’s currently in would end up coming out as a breakdown. and he cannot let the people around him see that. it would be a fatal error to open up when he cannot trust the feds nor the egg island workers not to take advantage of his weakness. and he needs to be there for sunny, to at the very least protect her if nothing else.

so essentially: tubbo is past his emotional threshold and is barely keeping it together. the facade is slipping and the harshness/what people perceive as annoying is continuously slipping out from the cracks.

(with this next bit, this is just me recognizing autistic patterns of behavior in myself + some others in tubbo’s character. i dont actually know if he’s autistic this is just me drawing parallels from my experience. and how I have seen these behaviors be treated within the qsmp fandom. don’t say I’m armchair diagnosing him or whatever for the love of god please)

so tubbo cannot cope with the situations around him, which is resulting in his mask slipping. he’s fully aware that he’s being insensitive and kind of an ass, but he is quite literally past his capability of keeping up with social niceties at this point. and i do think the unnecessary jokes in bad taste are purposefully to get people to either notice something is wrong or to get them to push him away so he doesn’t keep hurting their feelings.

and people getting onto him about communication I think simply do not get how utterly difficult it is to communicate when you have reached the point where you’re struggling to mask. not to mention the danger he could put himself in by being vulnerable to others on top of that. so ultimately, brushing off his fears and character traits as a simple “he could do this but doesn’t want to/is just stubborn and annoying for no reason/for a reason that isn’t good enough for me” is kind of ridiculous. it also reminds me of some things I’ve been told in relation to my struggles with autism, but that’s just me. not that i think people are actually being ableist but i do think some of y’all’s arguments are slipping a little too close to ableist rhetoric.

once again you’re allowed to dislike whoever you want and think they’re annoying, but i would encourage you to think a little more in depth as to why you think they’re annoying.

(and I’m not saying some people don’t like autistic traits that aren’t cute n quirky but… it’s getting a little too close for comfort >_>)

[immortal-lov3r]

sophies glow up guide.. (simple)

this has been a work in progress for over 2 weeks! ive been procrastinating to get this done, so im excited to share this with you! DISCLAIMER i am not professionalised in this! i am only giving out advice on whats worked for me.

want to glow up? but dont know where to start? well here is your simple glow up guide, we will go over-

health

hygiene

skincare

attitude and mindset

this will be your basic glow up guide, simple and easy to read and follow with.

health and nutrition:

your health is one of the most important things in your life! It affects your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. that's why it's so important to be productive about your health and try to prevent illness and disease etc.

fitness:

im not going to deep within this as your fitness levels are based on personal experience and i recommend to consult a doctor before doing an extreme amount of exercise.

rather than aiming 10k steps as people ask you too, start aiming for 5k, its obtainable for a busy person or someone who doesn't walk as much, overall walking is very beneficial.

if you have ability join a sport, dance and or gym! they keep you healthy and fit and can be super fun!

try a simple workout, pilates, dance, yoga biking, running etc, there are lots of youtube videos and even apps for workouts.

if you can walk places, as i said its very beneficial for your health and keeps your in shape.

nutrition:

I'm not going to go super deep into this, as no diet fits everyone and please consult with your doctor before taking dieting or anything like that seriously.

slowing start eating healthy, you can still eat your cravings and have yummy meals just try to balance out your diet with healthy foods, good fats, carbohydrates, protein, sugar and bad fats.

eat less sugar. sugar has many reasons why its bad for you to have over your daily intake so try to eat less sugars while still eating your fav treats!

dont skip breakfast! i know people saying doing omad (one meals a day) is good for you and skipping breakfast can befit weight lose, but no, breakfast is one of the most important meals so use it for high protein and fibre meals .

eat more friut and veg, simple as that.

hygiene:

hygiene is so important because it is what keeps you clean and healthy. hygiene should be one of your top priorities for your day. hygiene effects how people think of you, what you think for yourself etc.

brush your teeth well! brushing your teeth well keeps your breathe smelling good, clean teeth.

wash your body- washing your body with soap and or body wash and sometimes even a nice body butter can keep you clean and smelling good.

look after your skin- find out your skin type and get a cleanser for your skin type. find out if silicon based or water based is better for you skin.

skincare:

skincare is such a hard thing to ace! here is a simple routine and tips for you to ace your skincare. skincare is meant to help cleanse your skin and leave your skin feeling amazing.

routines:

cleanse - take a few minutes to cleanse your skin, even a simple micellar water will get rid of will get rid of makeup and dirt.

toner - toning is a great thing to use to help refresh skin especially if it includes ingredients like witch hazel which helps tightens pores.

serum- a plain hydration serum or some hyloronic acid etc will be enough to keep your skin looking going through your day

moisturiser- this is what keeps your skin moisturised for the day or can give you breakouts so be careful you pick the right one for your skin type look out for ingredients like Vitamin E, glycerin, Pro-Vitamin B5, and borage Seed Oil, which are all great moisturisers for your skin. 

attitude and mindset:

mindset:

believing that you can grow, change, and improve is the best mindset to have, if you settle once you've done something and never try to accomplish greater you will have little success in life.

goal-setting mindset.

knowing what you want and willing yourself to reach it are two different things. when you know your goals, they motivate you. set high goals and don't stop until you reach them.

focused mindset.

one of the worst setbacks that can happen is losing focus and allowing procrastination to happen. discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.

positive mindset.

choosing to be positive and having a good attitude will determine a lot about your life. be positive, not passive. instead of giving yourself reasons why you can't or shouldn't, give yourself reasons why you can and should go for it.

attitude:

positive attitude

a positive attitude is more than just smiling often and acting cheerful when others are around. it’s a way of looking at the world with optimism and hopefulness, where others would only see obstacles and dead ends. 

be kind to yourself

work on self improvement

step back and focus on goals

spend time with nature

talk to other people / meet new people

act with a purpose

be around positive people

thank you for reading this far! <3 i hope you enjoyed.!

i am always open to suggestions for my posts, my dms are open <3

[jeweledflowers]

Hello Rose-san!!! Today I'm here to request Who made me a princess with Dazai Osamu Reader! I just got this ideas when im watching meme about Dazai Osamu it's from channel Sakisayaka They made meme really good!!! You should watch it once ^^

hello, darling! how are you doing, how has your day been? sorry, it took me a while to complete this i decided to do this in headcanon format.

i'm on writer's block so like, sorry for the short and horrible hcs

nonnie, i assume you meant reader with the personality of Dazai? because that's what i did, and reader is gn. hope you like it, nonnie!

𝐕𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐚. || 𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐌𝐞 𝐀 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬; 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗈𝗇𝗌.

𝘐𝘫𝘦𝘬𝘪𝘦𝘭;

ijekiel.exe has stopped working

he's so concerned-

At first, he's a bit off put by the whole mafia thing,

like.

r u ok.

comes to the conclusion that ur rlly not.

he honestly feels bad for you, he knows you're lonely

and once he learns that you're searching for a reason to live??

he's dumbstruck. he's never really thought of it, you see. he's lived a busy, stressful yet fairly luxurious life, so he didn't really question things like these.

now he is having an existential crisis

starts giving you small things, like a book to read before bed, or a new set of clothes that you didn't really need, for the third time that week and it's only Tuesday

𝘑𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦;

she follows you around because of concern and sympathy

she's so sweet ily jennette

finds out about the mafia and is like::

'why would you kill people?'

so you don't really explain much but she finds out

she feels horrible! she can't imagine what you must've gone through. hugs and desserts galore

you sneak her out to town sometimes, much to her delight

well,,, meet your self-proclaimed best friend <33

𝘓𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘯;

is immediately a bit on her guard

even more on her guard after finding out that you're a member of the mafia

but then she learns about your suicidal tendencies

ahaha... she doesn't leave you alone

goes full mom mode on you

lily's cookies 🛐🛐

treats you like you're 3 but she really doesn't mean to--it's unintentional

will stop spoiling you if you ask, but will be a bit hurt

𝘈𝘯𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘶𝘴;

'wtf is wrong with this kid'

is his first thought

As though he's one to talk

anyways. really casual around you. as though you're a street kid and not a member of the mafia.

but deep inside, he feels really... uncomfortable?

i mean...he doesn't get it. why would you want to die?

has stopped you multiple times from suicide attempts and will keep stopping you.

'you gotta live, kid.'

𝘍𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘹;

'uh... child that's a knife.'

'I know.'

'You'll die.'

'I know.'

'Painfully die.'

'I don't care.'

how you two met, basically

sweating on the inside, how do u interact with a mentally ill mafia member

tries his best to make you take an interest in life

brings you along to tea parties with claude and athy (its vvvv awkward)

gives you a tour of the palace grounds

tries to convince claude to let u and athy be besties

small things, but he's trying

𝘗𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘦;

she is so weirded out

seriously, that hairstyle? that attitude? that no life personality?

oh honey no.

feels weird too. like, this kid (cause you're younger than her) wants to die. willingly die.

takes it like... you haven't died. why do you want to know what it feels like.

gives you the most expensive gifts. like, you need a separate room for those gifts. makes you eat with her even though all the meals are quite and deadass awkward cause both of you won't talk.

𝘋𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘢;

look, diana approaches life in a free spirited way. she lives everyday like she doesn't truly care.

which might be true

anyways, thats not the point.

when she meets you, she's like::::

'okay what the fu-'

(although i highly doubt that diana would swear)

she catches you trying to commit once, and then she's like, 'Please don't do that ever again'

and no one can refuse diana

𝘊𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘥𝘦;

oh.. you want to die? interesting. maybe he should indulge you.

'your majesty, no!' (felix)

aaanyways

he doesn't really care about you, he's just intrigued, after all, it's not everyday he comes across someone like this.

but as time goes on, he starts to see his younger self in you. and it unnerves him.

he thought he finally pushed away those memories, finally got away from his past

it kind of haunts him.

most of the time, he doesn't convey this directly to you, but if the massive pile of presents is any indication

𝘈𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘢;

..what-

she's trying to live

you're trying to die

swears that she won't let you die

and promises to give you reasons to live

athy 😭

[melrosing]

MATE I have a feeling I am so late to this but what happened to your job!

lmao! so much! but I don’t have it anymore! ok you didn’t ask for the full story lmao but im always in the mood for venting lately so the full tale under the cut on What Happened With My Job

so without getting into detail they have been absolute asses all year!! like with each other the women in my team are like Bosom Pals but apart from a handful of pleasant people they just have no time for me lol it’s very cliquey??

anyway. we had some really difficult clients in the Spring who were ready to throw in the towel at every stage of our work process bc it was unfamiliar territory for them. I was leading the project but really struggling to meet their insane expectations like it was HUNDREDS of emails a day from like 8AM to 8PM and their ‘head of’ sometimes swearing at me on calls with a dozen other people and thinking I can work magic and get [MAJOR CELEBRITY] involved in a thing for them when objectively I can’t and just scream. anyway my directors get really uneasy because this is a big client and they don’t want them getting scared off so when the client starts reaching a crescendo of frustration they fully just scapegoat me right at the end of the campaign (at which point our results are great! lmao) and say it will be Dealt With

around the same time I start to realise that the business is failing and my ‘specialist position’ is typically the first kind to go and that COINCIDENTALLY they are on my ass day after day trying to insist im not meeting their ‘standards’ and genuinely making up the most insane reasons why not (like I know I’d be biased saying this but SERIOUSLY) so im like ohhh right. I see where this is going

THEN my dad gets goddamn incurable brain cancer and my whole life falls apart. and they suddenly have to be like ‘oh no. I am sorry this has happened. oh dear.’ I’m off two weeks having a complete mental breakdown until im kindly reminded that cough I’ve almost used up my statutory days of compassionate leave! but per company guidelines they do have to manage my workload whilst i er. struggle indefinitely w the emotional burden?? so my capacity is thus reduced and man you can tell they’re not thrilled about it

so they basically check in every Friday for a month saying ‘hope everything is ok can you take on more work yet’ CONSPICUOUSLY never asking how anything is going with dad (like when I first logged back in I had a catch up with my line manager and kind of tremulously started talking about what had happened and she literally said ‘it’s ok you don’t need to tell me the details’)

THEN I get GASTROENTERITIS 💃🏻 god knows how. but it’s a bad one and I physically can’t eat for a week man I eat like a banana a day and even that makes me sick lol. but whatever the first day I phone in and tell my director im not well. she’s like ‘WELL I ACTUALLY HAVE SO MUCH TO MANAGE RIGHT NOW SO THIS REALLY ISN’T HELPFUL LIKE I GET YOU CAN’T HELP BEING SICK BUT I REALLY NEED TO BE ABLE TO RELY ON MY TEAM TO SUPPORT COS WE HAVE A LOT COMING UP’ (I’m not even kidding)

so on the third day I log back in bc I feel like I need to just push through it but oh no im still vomiting my guts out so I message the same director ‘look I think maybe. I am still sick’ and she says NOTHING in response till I suddenly get a text from my LINE MANAGER saying ‘Hi. X says you say you still don’t feel well. We understand it’s food poisoning. That usually only lasts 24 hours’. LIKE??? apparently with all the compassionate leave I’d had to take, the sick leave was just too much for them to bear lmao so i got myself a goddamn doctor’s note and have to announce every day for the rest of that week ‘I’m still not well sorry’ (they never ever reply)

Then finally I recover and I log back in and my director doesn’t ask me how I am or anything literally just says ‘WELL let’s get straight to business’ and explains the status of everything at me for 20 mins going on about how stressful it all is.

And then an hour later I get a surprise call from my head of department telling me unforch they’re making me redundant. can’t be helped. understand this is a bad time for you personally. (said head of department has never addressed what bad thing is happening personally rn). and im in shock. till i figure that what with my dad this is probably an appalling time to make up some performance based reason to fire me so this was their only option

and then finally I see the paperwork and realise severance pay is a third of my annual salary. so i promptly get over it, log out halfway through the month whilst still being paid for my time till the end of it, and NOT ONE of those fuckers has even reached out to say goodbye in all that time but god knows I never want to hear from them again so?? fuck it! i told HR everything anyway I was like look I don’t want to take formal action but?? I think you should know.

and now im just gonna chill for Christmas w my dad and my fam and my pals and my cats and do my weird asoiaf shit on tumblr I guess lol. so there we go that’s what happened!!!!

tl;dr got made redundant lol

[princessdiaries333]

December goals + accountability post

୭ ❄️ ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀

DRINK WATER

i seriously need to cut back on the amount of soda i’m drinking its so bad for me. my skin is suffering and ik water is super super beneficial, it will help me achieve all the rest of my goals !! my goal is to drink at least 4 bottles of water a day.

DONT PROCRASTINATE

i have so many things i need and want to do, i’ve been so swamped and drowning in school work i need to spend this winter break to get ahead and study. i also need to get my permit, it’s been almost a year since i turned 15 and im still putting it off. if i keep waiting i wont be able to get my license till im 17. i also really really wanna get a job. my goal is to study for all my classes to prepare for the new quarter and get my permit.

WORKOUT

i’m currently the lightest i’ve been in a long time but i’m not satisfied with how i look. i feel fatter than ever and it sucks because ive worked so hard to get to this point and i can’t enjoy it. i think the biggest reason i feel like this is because i haven’t been working out, over the summer i was working out every day and i was getting really toned. now I’ve lost weight but in not toned at all so it makes me feel like im bigger than i am cuz it’s all soft fat. my goal is to do pilates at least 5 times a week and try to go on walks every day.

EAT HEALTHY

i NEED to stop binging sm crap. i’m constantly eating junk food that doesn’t even fulfill me. most of the food i eat just makes me feel miserable right after. eating healthier will improve my general health but also my mental health and yk that’s great !! i also want to eat smaller portions because my mom always piles food onto my plate and forces me to eat the whole thing. so to avoid this and so i can be completely aware of what i’m putting in my body, my goal is to cook my own food and meal prep healthy and nutritious meals.

GET OFF THE PHONE

i want to spend more of my time doing things that make lasting and meaningful memories and help me grow instead of spending every hour of the day rotting in bed on my phone. i’ve been so busy with school i haven’t been able to finish any of my books so id like to dedicate some of this break to finishing those. i also want to go out with my friends and boyfriend more. my goal is to spend less time on my phone and more time doing things i enjoy and spending time with the people i love !!

ACADEMICS

i’ve been telling myself for so long that i’ll do a deep dive and fully research all things regarding college so i can build my game plan for the next 2 years. i’m a sophomore in high school so i want to know exactly where i want to go from here. i need to know what schools i want to go to, how to qualify for certain scholarships, what i want to major in, what are the best schools for my passions, how will i pay for it. there’s so much to find out and if i make my plan now i’ll save myself sm stress down the road. my goal is to set up a college plan and do thorough research for my future.

[menalez]

A girl I dated at years ago, in a fit of rage, nearly choked me to death because she convinced herself I was sleeping with a male. All because I didn’t want to have sex with her, which is something she knew from the start and was okay with waiting. It was not the first time she had put her hands on me either, but it took her almost ending my life for me to take a hint and stop making excuses for her. At the end of the day, I had no business being with her type or trying to convince myself that I was fit to live in a Set It Off reality (lmao too adventurous and trying to be captain save-a-hoe) She had a history of thug activities, so I take full responsibility for what I got myself into and how I allowed myself to be a victim. This is a gold star lesbian btw and she’s since been to jail several times for beating on females and a multitude of other petty crimes/demonic activities. Last year, she apologized to me (7 years late girl) and admitted that she purposely gets herself sent to jail because she enjoys all of the female attention she gets there as a masculine female. Truly Pathetic and I regret not listening to my mother when she’d literally told me “that girl is a demon and you need to stay away from her.”

that sounds horrible 😭 i’m so sorry u went thru that. especially the fact that she did that to u for not being ready to have sex.. just horrible and gross. i’m glad u stood ur ground and dumped her in the end at least.

i have a similar story with my ex (she’s bi tho) & she was violent for no reason. just seriously mentally unwell basically and the red flags were pretty obvious but i overlooked them bc i guess i just did not see my self-worth. she also choked me and it was literally just. random. she’d wake up and immediately get on top of me and choke me. one time i think she did it as some kind of “joke” and i ended up throwing up bc of it … also she had a few weeks in our relationship where she was basically storing cocaine for dealers at her place & she was stealing cocaine from them and going on cocaine binges which u can imagine how she’d act in those moments if she was trying to kill me when she’s sober! she was on ketamine once and literally bit my friend. just insane stuff. and ppl like that are never worth it nor can u somehow “save” them bc when they’re that bad, they usually don’t care to make themselves better. in my case she even tried to convince me that IM the one who’s worse off.. bc i “cry too much”. also she stole my wallet and when the police said they saw who stole it and described her to a T, she convinced me that she knows who it is and will find this woman and get my wallet and money back. would give me these stories about it too.

also the woman u dated sounds .. desperate tbh! from my experience at least, masculine lesbians don’t need jail to find interested women. they tend to get plenty of attention in general. at least that was the case for basically every masculine lesbian i had a thing with. she must rly have low self-worth and have problems to be putting herself in and out of jail just to get more female attention. i hope she gets better bc i assume she must be miserable if she’s still living like that. i’m glad ur out of that situation and kept urself safe,, it’s rly not worth it to date women like that n to tell urself that you can somehow “save” them,, i learned that the hard way 😭 u deserve better than that. no point in regretting it tho— we can’t undo our pasts, but we can at least use these negative experiences as ways to improve ourselves and teach ourselves somehow. at least that’s what i tell myself to cope with what i’ve been thru lmao,, and at least i can say in terms of my ex, it did teach me to look out for red flags more and not disrespect myself so badly that i’m willing to be abused and exploited and manipulated in the hope of gaining a woman’s love

[oscill4te]

.

Its annoying missing someone who your moral code says "the earth would be a safer place if this person was locked up or passed away" .... abhorrent. I dont say that about many people so thats how you know its bad. With other ppl it was so easy to leave if I see a red flag or sign that they hurt someone else in rhe past. But This person..... man. I always came back. Always. Until they revealed something absolutely awful to me.

But yet I stay missing this person. It feels so selfish. It -is- selfish. It feels like when I miss this person, I care more abt myself by wanting to go back than the ppl this person hurt by missing someone like that. My brain is seriously fucked up. Will never act on the feeling and go back. Will not forgive myself if i ever do. Some say to be gentle on yourself as toxic relationships are addictive (i dont like to call it abusive. I dont trust myself to properly assess what we had.) But nonetheless... it gnaws at my bones. I wanna go baaaaaaaaaaack.

I hate this mental illness and all the inner-fighting and mixed feelings inside. (Another reason i miss ex... they did not judge me for being like this. In fact... they liked that i was split up like this. They got to know each side of me by name. Talk with so many of them. No one inthe world will ever be okay with these "parts" of me, the way my ex was)

if im lucky i might have a therapy appt this week with my old T and i can finally start working on this garbage and hopefully move on. I feel like my mental health took a huge dive downwards recently for like no reason at all. Maybe because im not actively distracting myself as much as I used too and im just finally sitting with these thoughts and jesus christ. I hate these thoughts. I want my distractions back. But they dont really work anymore. A sign that its probably time to work on this stuff.

So therapy it is ig

[doctorguilty]

Baddddd bad bad bad very sad

My head hurts, the pressure makes me feel like it's being squeezed and crushed by rubber bands ... from sinus inflammation and dehydration and not eating probably isn't helping

I feel like I want to cry again but I'm trying to stop myself so I won't make the pain even worse

This is only, what, a week into dst? Not even winter yet.. Seasonal affective disorder is going in for the kill this year I guess. I don't know what im going to do because I'm so tired, physically and mentally and just tired of my life, there's no fight in me left. And no one will or can help me. I'm my family's least favorite and so i get the least help, doctors won't take my health seriously, my partner needs more time, possibly more than a year, before moving in with me with me somewhere. I can't afford to live on my own. I barely have energy to keep collecting scraps of money to show as income so I can continue getting food assistance.

I had a spark of hope for a while but it feels like it was a mistake to let myself have it. How much longer can I lie to myself and say "one more year until it gets better"? I mean, I can't. That illusion is broken. So what can I tell myself? It truly feels like there's nothing. Things keep getting worse. I tried so hard, I really did. I'm exhausted. Truly utterly exhausted.

Unless anyone out there (just like, the world not @-ing Tumblr dot com) has a spare 20 grand or something they'd just hand to me to live off for "one more year" (and then some) and detox from my miserable quality of life, surviving it barely even sounds appealing knowing that my physical and mental health I'll be another year WORSE than where it is now. And even then. There's not guarantee it ends there :''') its an estimate, an "if I'm lucky" estimate and it's not even considerably lucky to be in this position.

I genuinely don't know how I'm gonna keep living like everything is fine and normal while I continue losing steam to make money, make art, care for myself (I'm already down to roughly 2 showers a week and at best 1 real meal a day because I'm so tired), to keep filling out paperwork begging for assistance (I think I'm already overdue for my food stamp update), and watching other people in my family just be handed endless help while I'm patronized with "have you considered painting Christmas ornaments for a living" and interrogated about the validity of my disabilities (which I always fail to prove good enough)

Almost everyone around me is happier than me. Almost everyone else's life is on track and I'm at best simply left behind, and at worst I was someone they stepped on to get what they needed before tossing me to the side.

My life is not only painful and exhausting but humiliating. I don't feel like a person. I don't feel important. I feel like if i did die out of the blue, nobody would say they regret helping me more like people usually say, they'd just talk about how I should have done xyz better and it's my own fault (not a s*icide threat just being hypothetical like literally if i died for any random reason)

Most of everything that's happened in my life, I feel, has validated my chronic sense of worthlessness. Everyone says I'm not but prove it. Someone prove it. Someone put me first. Sacrifice something for me (and not complain what a burden I am on them!). For once. If I wasn't worthless, well, I'd be worth it, without strings attached.

It won't happen. It never happens. I have to dance like a fucking circus animal for people and then beg on my knees I'm entertaining enough to keep alive so I can do it over and over again

[goldenfharry]

https://goldenfharry.tumblr.com/post/683417831361167360/im-sorry-i-get-where-theyre-coming-from-but-just

🌌The questions were disrespectful. Yes. Stern is someone who has said many things that are incredibly disrespectful to many of people. Long before any of you were born.

Do not think I am invalidating yours, or anyone’s reasons to not like him. I’m not. I, even, wrote “I don’t care for Stern”.

If I were defending Stern from his past behavior then, I would had absolved him entirely from his wrongs, and wrote something that echoed the GP’s reactions to Harries’ responses of the shows content, such as “Stop overacting”.

I didn’t. I said not to “falsely accuse him of saying things he didn’t say” during a specific segment when there’s evidence that clearly shows that those claims never happened.

That repeated action of falsifying reality does make many people not take fans claims of someone subtly attacking/ being a threat to Harry serious, especially when there’s a situation where those claims are legitimate.

It’s similar to The Boy Who Cried Wolf. When the time comes where you are telling the absolute truth, regarding something, due to your past habit of over exaggerating material, people will either ignore or completely refuse to believe you. Evenmore, that awful person WILL use your past of over exaggerating against you to vilify you as a liar.

Women who Harry has been linked to/ claimed to be dating were questionable characters.

But a lot of fans did have the tendency to group all of them together, and paint them as if they were ALL the Mistress of Satan, when they weren’t. Things were exaggerated to get others to know that those specific women were not as the media made them. However, if fans would had simply allowed for those particular people’s character and past actions to speak for itself; they would had seen that it would had been more than enough to expose them for the people that they actually were.

They were problematic. However, their problematic behaviors differed, and should had been addressed and treated uniquely.

For instance, Camille’s costume of Sharon Tate was grossly inappropriate, as well as her appraisal of Polanski. Some fans did over exaggerate those actions, and made it seem as if Camille was right there, with the Mason Girls, singing, twirling, and smearing hate speech in pig’s blood on the door, while the murders happened.

Rather than allow for her costume to be addressed for being offensive to Sharon, and all victims, and their families who have been affected by the Mason Cult.

For Caroline… I didn’t know Harry yet; I don’t know, personally, how everything was received by fans during that time.

However, I did see how some fans celebrated her suicide as “karma for being with a child”.

Don’t do that. Even though her, and Lucy, fooling around with a CHILD was very wrong (I don’t care about consent laws, as one could tell his mental status wasn’t fully developed to throughly understand the weight of all that) celebrating one’s death isn’t the way to convince people that this person isn’t who they think they are. Let their actions and character speak for themselves. It was enough to make you all realize something wasn’t right. For those who truly care about morality and justice, that evidence would suffice for them to see the truth, as well.

Now you have a situation where he is linked to one woman, who is a personification of every villainous claim/imagination Harries feared for him to be with…. and your frustrations and worries are falling on deaf ears, as the GP, and, even, Harries within the fandom aren’t taking you seriously, since they’ve heard and seen these responses before when the situation wasn’t that bad.

Harry and EACH OF YOU WILL be vilified after this by Olivia to gain the public’s sympathy. You glimpsed that last week.

You all saw how Olivia threw deuxmoi and her fans under the bus to escape accountability and victimize herself. You don’t think that Olivia is not planning to use fans’ past exaggerated claims of women he’s been linked to in the past as a tactic to play victim to the public, to solidify her lies? She used her kids to justify her stalking him and avoid accountability; she’s going to use EACH of you to justify her victim narrative of:“See! Harries are so evil! Their vicious lies and smear campaign tanked my film! They forced him and I apart! And he didn’t defend me once!”

Hell, Florence is going to be vilified more for DWD flopping, which is why Florence has washed her hands from the project and secured roles that discredits Olivia’s future lies of “Florence’s acting not being enough to tell the story as it should had been properly told.”

Don’t further legitimatize Olivia’s vilification claims of Harry and his fandom by over exaggerating/falsifying reality, thereby losing credibility.

Another anon (thank you for your insight) further elaborated more on the situation and explained how if those questions were deemed as disrespectful to Harry, he sure as shit wouldn’t had allowed for them to be asked.

Harry is FIERCELY protective of his family, both biological and chosen. I mean, him having that picture a fan took of him with Anne and Robin visiting a doctor’s office in London during Robin’s chemo treatment proved how much he values privacy for the ones he loves. That fan was detailing how they were worried about something serious happening within his family, since the offices were for doctors who specialized in cancer treatment. She was met with critics, but some did ask what she all saw, in which she described Robin having lost visible weight and him using a Harry’s newsboy hat to disguise the his hair loss.

For whomever posted that, as well as the people who saw the fan pic and story of it: Yes Harry saw that pic and discussion happening. He was the one responsible for all of that being erased from the internet.

The world saw how he defended Caroline and, supposedly, handled the fan who was targeting Camille.

I wrote supposedly as some people have said that that didn’t happen, as the girl claimed, while others said it did. If someone could clarify, it’d be greatly appreciated.

If Harry felt upset by any of the questions most of you were offended by, then he wouldn’t had returned to Stern; instead choosing a different show to be interviewed on.

For the anon who explained before and ✂️; thank you so much for further elaborating. Readers: do listen to them as they, as well as others I’ve read, KNOW what they’re talking about. Don’t just depend on me to explain things. These anons here are to be trusted, as they’ve shared the exact same insight, as I have and we have never met.

I’ll talk to you all soon.

Okay, this one is regarding the whole discussion about Howard and a little bit more of 🌌 anon's perspective! And once again, wise words. The whole Robin's situation... That's just heartbreaking. I also think that the Camille's situation actually happened. Then again, can't 100% confirm it.

"If Harry felt upset by any of the questions most of you were offended by, then he wouldn’t had returned to Stern; instead choosing a different show to be interviewed on." I think it's important to highlight this!

(🌌 anon, thank you for contacting me about his! I'm so sorry, but every time that Boss Man moves, my inbox gets chaotic, so this one was also lost. If this happens, don't hesitate to remind me of your ask! I will gladly search it and post it. Once again, I apologize! 💛)

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

i'm a secretive person. i keep a lot of secret. i do have people i trust with my biggest sins tho, who thankfully still accept me as i am. but there's still one thing i never told anyone: my serious struggle with hygiene.

for some reason, admitting i struggle a lot with it to the point of not showering for weeks at a time is just not something i can do. i know that this stems from living with people who are super hygienic and take cleaning seriously, and are quick to get grossed out by even slightly dirty stuff. but also? hygiene, or the lack thereof, is smth that is considered a valid insult by a lot of ppl, even progressive ones. i'm not in the mental state to convey my thoughts much, but what i do know is the shaming of unhygienic and dirty people has gone so bad to the point i'm more willing to admit my biggest wrongdoings that drag me down with guilt than admitting i can not shower for weeks at a time. as someone whose value is basically "i don't care whatever you do as long as it doesn't hurt anyone", it's wild that i consider admitting my actions, which did hurt ppl, as easier than admitting to being unhygienic, which doesnt hurt anyone.

it's also annoying, ngl. like, the fact that i'm too constantly exhausted to the point of not even being able to take care of myself just shows how much my mental state has deteriorated. but because my biggest symptom is the lack of hygiene (which i dont have the guts to admit to people), i cant openly admit that im struggling. whenever i try to open up and seek support, people always say to try doing this and that. but i cannot! if even showering is too hard then how am i supposed to get the energy for things that require more spoons! but ofc i cant say it, not when i have zero guarantee that the other person wont shame me for my lack of hygiene. i do want an outcome where after admitting how much i struggle, the other person turns sympathetic. but seeing at how these ppl treat unhygienic people... yeah nah. never gonna admit it

Hi anon,

Please know you're not alone.

It's okay to be secretive, you don't have to share anything you don't want to, and you deserve the right to choose what is known and what is not. However, you don't deserve to feel silenced about things you'd like to talk about.

It makes sense why hygiene may be a struggle for you - not having enough energy makes it really hard to do such a big task like showering, and afterwards can be even more exhausting.

Please know that not only is there no judgment here, but I understand the fear of scrutiny in this society where everyone is expected to stick to a specific hygienic routine and anyone who doesn't meet this is immediately seen as disgusting, without considering the contributing factors.

I understand that desire for all odds to be in your favor, that anyone who knows about your hygiene habits would be understanding and supportive. It can be really hard to accept that some people simply won't understand and will be disrespectful, but that it's more a reflection of them than you. You are valid no matter what critical people have to say. Internalizing that message is definitely easier said than done, but it is possible.

I think there is some pride to take in the fact that despite you saying that you can't openly admit you're struggling, this is a public space, and so hopefully some of that shame can feel lifted.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[stealingbones]

can i just,, rant about south park? (spoiler warning obv)

I never thought id be into basic american adult tv buthere we are- I recently got into it, feb 19th i started watching and finished the whole 26 seasons and two games (sot and tfbw) in a month. Just finished tfbw game earlier today and almost lost my mind fr bc wth man.... anyway, theres your background for how mentally ill i am, now-

South park characters have so much detail in their characters, right down to the little things, like cartman having to finish singing sail away or kenny liking oragami, like??? i love the little character details that nobody thinks about hello??

Its so hard to take them seriously with that stupid artstyle (the artstyle has grown on me and i love it sm but still, theyre hella goofy) but seriously some parts cut deep- especially the whole fucking covid thing, never in my life did i think id cry at fUCKING SOUTH PARK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I see a lot of angst and it actually makes sense??? And just,, a lot of stan's stuff is really depressing, i hate the episode(s) 'youre getting older' holy fuck. The fact that stan knows how to drive at 8 years old most likely because his dad is an alcoholic who drives drunk too is graaAAA,, I feel so bad for butters too, the innocent child who gets all the trauma dumped on him 💀 none of the kids in south park are safe from trauma, not even 'new kid' (they fr made you choose a parent, dude.....) one of my favorite serious moments though actually is when kenny tries to get them to remember his deaths, the like "TRY AND FUCKING REMEMBER." is so dramatic and im fbedhunfinjecnijef

also cartman being the only one to remember kenny's deaths waa,, Cartmanland he says 'what kenny? he dies all the time' and when kenny tries to make the others remember,, cartman isnt there so á, then cartman isnt shocked when kenny escapes wherever tf cthuhlu sent everyone. cartman did drink kenny's ashes so that could be the reason he remembers epic

also also, i didnt even think about it before until i seen just kenny and kyle at the bus stop, but stan and cartman moving away and just having two of the main four left at the iconic bus stop scene is so upsetting,, I enjoy the older seasons best 💔 Like season 10 and earlier man,, their early seson voices too omg <3 When they started doing season long stories was kind of annoying (edit bc new episode dropped, they put cartman back lmao,, still missing stan though man...)

Switching topics- No wonder style is more popular than stendy, it has more content than stendy even though theyre cannon dating 💀i think cartman and wendy interaction more actually. Wendy's kind of cool and i wish theyd make an effort to show her and stan together more often (even small things like they do with creek) and a few times its even shown how little stan cares, like with the texting thing or the time they broke up for a bit stan had said he hadnt talked to her for weeks... Stan doesnt deserve wendy tbh, i also always forget she killed someone for stan lol, they really dialed her crazy back,,

I probably have more random thoughts but these are the main ones,, the little guys have been doing laps around my brain for a month straight and i feel like im going to explode

[letterstomichelangelo]

life update rq cus i havent done one since early summer

i have changed a whole bunch

i finally got over the guy i liked for 2 years, that was a relief because it was seriously negatively impacting my life and my view of myself.

i found interests and fandoms to join (most notably The Goldfinch, Stranger Things, the revival of The Dragon Prince, AtLA, Marauders and Dead End Paranormal Park) and overall, life is better in that regard, for a period of time i edited and amassed almost 2k followers which is insane.

in my mental regards its been rough but autumn and winter always are for me. im just over a month clean, however i did a bit too much soul searching today and did almost relapse. i have buried everything bad thats happened to me over these few months in a grave and will be holding a funeral shortly (aka, trying to tackle my ever worsening mental health). Also I've been doing some research and I think I have ADHD, which would explain quite a bit.

I have unfortunately realised my best friend is an utter dickhead and the reason I get anxious around him is because I feel like I'm always being judged around him, so I'm going to try to practise a bit of self confidence in the future. (he also misgenders his sibling often when basically half the school knows their pronouns) Yeah ngl, dk why I'm friends with him.

I've been sick for this past week and still am, but awhile ago i visited a Cavetown concert and it was one of the best experiences of my life. I won't get into the sappy shit but it meant a lot.

I'm still playing guitar and have actually improved at chords, I'm currently learning to play Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand, my favourite song of theirs, followed closely by This fffire, the opening theme to Cyberpunk Edgerunners, which I still havent finished lmao

Anyways, see you next time

^SLik^