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azaffranist · 4 years

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Deleted lines of dialogue in Frozen 2

We know that F2’s plot suffered from last minute changes and even leaks that we got before the release contradict the final material, but that’s another can of worms for another post. What I wanna talk about in this post is something I happened to notice a few days ago while watching the Frozen 2 Outtakes video available with the Blu-ray version of the movie. Here’s a link to it. My apologies if there’s a post out there already talking about this, but I haven’t seen one so I thought I might as well give it a go.

Basically, the video is a recollection of funny moments that arose when the voice actors were recording their lines. But… I don’t know if this was deliberate or an oversight on Disney’s part, or if they didn’t care too much about it at the end of the day and released it anyways. The thing is, we can see the original dialogue they were supposed to record as tiny subtitles, and good god, there are tons of deleted lines, including an earlier version of Some Things Never Change, and some point to the existence of completely different scenes from the ones we got. Here’s what I mean:

I don’t recall ever coming across deleted lines for Frozen 1 apart from the famous “That’s no blizzard, that’s my sister”, so this is pretty interesting.

But in addition to that, while digging through some old files I found recorded lines of a Frozen 2 book that came out before release (Specifically on October 4th, 2019, when the Frozen Fan Fest was being held with the first released merch). That’s a long, long time ago and I don’t remember the name of the book, sadly, but you can listen to the recording I made right here. If someone does remember the name of the book that’d be really cool. I think the original recording was provided by Snow on the Arendelle Kingdom Discord server, so credits to her.

UPDATE: The book was found along with other interesting pieces of info! It’s called Frozen 2 Read-Along Storybook and CD. Credits to @lovewillthaw-j and their amazing detective work! Here it is.

What’s particularly interesting about this one is that no merch released on October 4 had the ending of the movie. Every book was cut off at the moment Anna received Elsa’s message in the cave, with no mention of Show Yourself or Elsa’s death for that matter. Now, we don’t know if they were trying not to spoil the movie, or if they legitimately didn’t have a final ending at the time the books were made. Knowing how… messy Frozen 2’s development was, I think we can all sort of agree it was the latter.

Because of this, there is some really intriguing stuff. Nods to scenes that aren’t in the final movie, shameless hints to Elsa’s permanent death, events happening in a different order… I don’t know if these lines were recorded only for the book, but I doubt they were, because many of those lines are actually in the movie or are referenced in books and some have really slight modifications like changes in tone of voice. I guess we’ll never Find The Truth™, but we can analyze these lines too because they can give us an idea of what earlier versions of the movie were like.

So let’s look at them one by one. Looooong post ahead.

Frozen 2 Outtakes Video

“Should have left it to me. Love you too. You blew it Kristoff. Oh. I’m alone. It’s fine.” – Kristoff/Sven

This one definitely happens during Kristoff’s first proposal attempt. Before this line, Anna says, “She couldn’t act out ice?” and we can assume Kristoff absent mindedly responds with “Should have left it to me”. That makes sense, considering he delivers ice for a living and ice is his life. Then we got “Love you too”, which Kristoff says in the final movie, but then we got Sven dialogue as he tells him “You blew it, Kristoff.” “Oh, I’m alone,” is what would go before he finally says, “It’s fine.” The reason the dialogue is all mixed up is because Johnathan Groff is the one recording the lines and he does both Kristoff and Sven’s voices (well, technically, Kristoff).

_______

“Hey. What the—What is this? Hang onto me. What’s happening? Run. The mist is rising. We are being pushed by the…” – Kristoff

We can tell this happens when the Arendellian gang was crossing the mist wall for the first time. The scene was evidently going to be longer and more chaotic than what we actually got. Apparently they run and that would’ve been pretty cool.

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“The winds are restless. Like how I sometimes feel in the fall. But I’m not ready. I love these days, I’m grateful for them all.” – Elsa (Alternate Some Things Never Change)

Now this is what I call a quality deleted line. I recommend you guys watch the video to hear the little part that Idina sings to have an idea what Elsa’s part in Some Things Never Change was originally going to be like. Definitely a bit sadder than what we got. I think this line gives the idea that Elsa wasn’t feeling too comfy in Arendelle even though she enjoyed the company of her family immensely, or if we go with the idea that fall represents change, Elsa is feeling restless in the face of change. She’s not ready to ‘change’ and wants to keep enjoying her days in Arendelle. She can’t let them go. How ironic. Interpret it as you want!

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“I’d freeze this moment if I could find a way…” – Elsa (Alternate Some Things Never Change)

Same scene. Sadder atmosphere for her part of the song. It’s a shame we don’t know what goes next.

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“Water drowns with a stallion’s might.” – Elsa

Wowowowowow. Now this is interesting, because I have no idea where to place this line of dialogue meaning there might’ve been another scene foreshadowing the Nokk. In the final movie, the only moment we see the Nokk is during When I Am Older and it was very brief and played for laughs. But this line gives the idea that the existence of an angry murderous water horse was going to be mentioned earlier on. Now I have a lot of ideas as to what she might’ve referred to (maybe that’s just a comparison she made on the fly and didn’t know the water spirit was a horse? Maybe it’s like a riddle she solved to know what the water spirit was?) but to be honest I think there’s no way to know. Fun to theorize, though.

Also, total confirmation the Nokk is a male!

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“It’s magic. It’s amazing. There’s a voice. I need to follow it.” – Elsa

This line probably happened when they visited Pabbie and evacuated Arendelle. A different take on how she explained to Anna why she wanted to go on the journey. Honestly, I prefer what we actually got. She sounds quite desperate and hypnotized in this one. VOICE. I HEAR. MUST FOLLOW. I don’t know what you guys think. The actual explanation in the final movie is not great either but I prefer it.

_______

“Hey Elsa. It’s your mom. Remember, mothers are always right. Now, be who you are!” – Olaf (Longer Post Credits Scene)

We were robbed. This line and another one points to a longer post credits scene. I suspect they weren’t able to include it because of time constraints, because c’mon, this is hilarious. An animator on Instagram said that they were not able to model the inside of Elsa’s ice palace for the post credits scene because they ran out of time, so they used Ahtohallan pillars and changed the lighting so that it gave the ‘feel’ of the ice palace. I’m sorry I can’t provide a link right now because I don’t remember who the animator was, but if I find it again or someone else does I’ll update this.

UPDATE: The Instagram comment in particular was found! Thanks to @super-mam-te-moc for the screenshot.

Okay, kind of got derailed there. They didn’t have enough time to finish the post credits scene and that’s the only coherent answer I can find as to why this was deleted.

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“They’re all looking at us, aren’t they? Okay, got any advice? How do I free the forest?” – Elsa

Very similar to what’s in the movie but here Elsa asks Bruni if he knows how she can free the forest. The fact that Elsa asks a little cute salamander this… kind of gives the idea that Elsa was completely clueless, same as the rest of the gang, and the rest of the writers. Jkjk!

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“Emotional and slightly haunting memory of Mother? Is that you?” – Olaf (Longer Post Credits Scene)

Same as above. We were robbed. Twice.

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Unused Recorded Lines from Frozen 2 Book

“Teeth? Oh. Pillow fort! Disturbed! Aw, c’mon, you definitely look disturbed!” – Anna

Shorter or summarized charades scene. Anna never mentions a pillow fort in the final movie.

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“I know that rumble.” – Kristoff

This probably goes when Pabbie and the trolls appeared at the evacuation place. Seems like in an earlier version, there was more buildup before the appearance of the trolls. Kristoff hears the rumble of the rocks before anything else. Deleted scenes seen in trailers also point to a slightly different ‘troll appearance’ scene.

_______

“I won’t leave her side.” – Anna

During Pabbie’s visit. We know thanks to trailers Anna’s little talk with Pabbie changed a bit. Here Anna displays her worry for Elsa even more.

Here’s a comparison between the trailer:

And the final movie:

What’s particularly interesting about this is that a later point in the movie, during Kristoff’s third failed proposal, Anna suddenly remembers Elsa and runs off hurriedly saying, “I swore I wouldn’t leave her side”. Coincidence? I THINK NOT. She never explicitly says so in the final movie, but it seems like she did in an earlier version.

_______

“We’ll fix it together. / Together. / Together.” – Anna, Kristoff and Olaf respectively

Probably as they were going to go on the journey, considering the lines are said chronologically? They discovered the power of teamwork. Weird Elsa doesn’t say ‘together’. Maybe they left it out because, coughcoughtheydidn’tfixanythingtogether.

_______

“Uhm, I sense no way in, but this is fun nonetheless.” – Olaf

Definitely during the arrival at the mist wall. Olaf doesn’t say anything as he bounces off in the final movie.

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“Hah! It let us in, but it clearly does not wanna let us out.” – Olaf

Same as above. Anna is the one who says they’re trapped in the final version.

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“Your father was… / King Agnarr of Arendelle.” – Mattias, Elsa, respectively

In the final version Mattias immediately says “Agnarr”, while here Elsa finishes his words after his pause. To be honest, it makes more sense in the final version, considering Mattias would remember Agnarr’s name without a doubt.

_______

“I’m fine. I just… actually, I’m starving.” – Anna

This probably goes right after the “Don’t Run Into Fire” argument. I didn’t think much of this line at first but it’s actually really interesting, because in the final movie, right after Elsa and Anna’s argument, Elsa places Iduna’s scarf on Anna’s shoulders and with this perfect timing they find out she was Northuldra, leading to the whole “Vuelie” scene. But here, there’s no comforting with scarf, and it seems like this scene leads to the one after Vuelie in the final movie, with Anna eating as she talks to Mattias, and Elsa and Honeymaren talking about the spirits.

Which means… that in an earlier version, the discovery of Iduna being Northuldra was probably going to happen later on. Pretty crazy, right?

_______

“If I lost her… I think I’d lose myself.” – Anna

All right. I think that this line is one of the most important ones. Thanks to books having this line in them we can pinpoint exactly when Anna utters it: expectedly, when she was talking with Mattias. The delivery of this line is also particularly heartbreaking, so I recommend you guys hear the audio file.

I don’t wanna ramble too much but there’s a lot to be said about this line. But yes, I’ll actually end up rambling. Warning.

Along with “I won’t leave her side”, it seems like earlier versions of the movie showed Anna being even more anxious and worried about Elsa’s wellbeing. As we know, Anna and Mattias were talking about ‘doing the next right thing’, and being prepared when life throws you down a new path. This is obvious foreshadowing to The Next Right Thing. But why were these two cut? Don’t they deepen Anna’s character and show just how deathly scared this whole adventure had her?

Well, here’s some speculation. These two lines are obviously foreshadowing Elsa’s death. The thing is, there exists the likelihood that at the times these lines were written and recorded, there was no such thing as Elsa’s revival. We’ve known for a long time that Elsa was going to die for real in Frozen 2, but test audiences were left traumatized and probably in need of PTSD treatment, hating it so much that the ending and everything that came with it was rewritten around June. Including, I speculate, these two lines which blatantly foreshadow Elsa’s big oof.

There’s not much foreshadowing to Elsa’s death in the final version. That’s because it was a minor thing. She died before the climax of the movie and her death scene didn’t feel final nor dramatic enough to fool the audience and make them believe she was really, really, won’t-breathe-ever-again kind of dead. Some watchers didn’t even realize she died, because the scene was not supposed to feel like her end. Not even the score, Ghosts of Arendelle Past, has a final feeling to it. It just kind of ends there in an ominous tone and they stress the fact that she sent an important ice message before freezing, giving hope of events resolving themselves.

But these two lines do foreshadow of a terrifying event. One that’s not minor nor temporary. These two lines, probably among others we’ll never find out about, and Anna’s worried sick attitude in earlier versions, give more weight to Elsa’s death, Elsa’s permanent death, and ultimately, The Next Right Thing.

Or maybe not and I’m wrong and there was no need for a 4 paragraph long overanalysis of two lines. Maybe they just deleted them just cause. Who knows the ways of writers…

_______

“All this time… the four spirits. Right there.” – Elsa

Maybe this goes during Honeymaren’s talk about the spirits? Right there, meaning, they were all along depicted in Iduna’s scarf and nobody in Arendelle realized? We’ll never know.

_______

“You mean like a voice?” – Elsa

Probably happened when Honeymaren was talking about the fifth spirit crying out the day the forest fell.

_______

“She made it across the sea.” – Anna

“I know why the spirits evacuated Arendelle.” – Anna

“Olaf, I know how to free the forest.” – Anna

Okay, I’m gonna talk about these three at the same time because it’s the same scene. Obviously, these lines of dialogue take place in the cave as Anna receives Elsa’s message, right before The Next Right Thing. We know that for sure because The Next Right Thing was one of the first Frozen 2 songs to be written and the writers knew that’s where they wanted the story to go. This seems like a pretty different setup, but to be honest, it feels like a placeholder. Anna doesn’t even react to the fact that there was a statue of grandpa slicing an innocent man in two right in front of her which just feels weird.

And all in all, the lines just don’t have the sadness of the final version. Anna doesn’t sound nearly as disappointed and her voice doesn’t lower that much. She sort of sounds determined in the last line! So determined to wreck her home to pieces with a gigantic flood… ahaha Anna…

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Okay, it was pretty fun to overanalyze all 23 deleted lines that I managed to find. There are even more deleted goodies out there thanks to the merch, but we’re gonna leave that for another moment.

There’s no doubt that Frozen 2′s development had plenty of problems along the way and I think it’s pretty interesting to learn what it could’ve been and could’ve had. These lines are just the tip of the iceberg and I’m more than interested to know what exactly the test audiences saw in those infamous test screenings...

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UPDATE: More deleted stuff!

@theupsidedownpyramid collected more deleted lines found in the trailers right here!

@yumeka36 made a really interesting analysis of the Frozen 2 Novelization with even more deleted lines and scenes here!

#frozen 2 #frozen #elsa #anna #kristoff #olaf #sven #frozen 2 deleted scenes #frozen 2 deleted dialogue #frozen 2 outtakes

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realityhelixcreates · 3 years

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Lasabrjotr Chapter 79: The Rites of Blood and Knowledge

Chapters: 79/?

Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: pg 13(Blood)

Relationships: Loki x Reader

Characters: Loki (Marvel),Thor(Marvel) Wanda Maximoff, vision, Bruce Banner

Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Party Time, In Reference To Blood Mixing Mentioned In The Eddas

Summary: The great ceremonies begin.

The dreams were powerful that night, whisking you off to far away places, off to the increasingly familiar form of the gargantuan space artist. There was a strange nostalgia out here that you were slowly coming to recognize as being not your own. How could it be? You had never physically been here, only visited in dreams.

With green and blue sparkling at your right and left, you drifted along in their orbit, yet another asteroid in a primordial star system.

First Wielder.

The concept filtered through your mind, trailing a warm and wistful longing behind it.

Peace. Eternity. Creation.

Before battle. Before separation. Before imprisonment.

Before all.

The star system was strange: every time you came here, the sun was a little different. A variable star, its brightness oscillating, it was still young and new.

There was only one planet in this system, located fairly close to the star. The presence of the colossal giant perturbed the asteroids and gas around the star, but their great mass prevented them from coalescing.

Comets formed in great numbers from the gas and ice beyond them, whizzing past them, inspiring new drawings. Asteroids clumped up against them; a brush of their great hand sent them flying, to collide into one another, to spin away from their unstable orbit, and join the comets on their cross-system journey, to crash into the singular planet.

The colossus watched with the patience of true immortality, as the planet burned and erupted, filled up with water, and clouds, and sky.

Thoughtfully, they regarded an asteroid they held in one hand, then, with their color-stained fingers, they began to draw.

The wistfulness and regret reached their peak, and you woke up in the empty bathtub, with a thought ringing in your head.

The Wielders always came to a bad end.

******

Loki was somewhat disgruntled to discover that you'd been having these dreams without him. He didn't scold, but his concern was clear. You described them in as much detail as you could, but, to your dismay, he didn't have any explanation for what you'd been seeing while you slept.

It would just have to remain a mystery. The upcoming day was going to be far too busy to dwell on it.

Both you and Loki had dressed in your absolute finest, your armor polished bright, your skirt covered in embroidery, your chest and neck festooned in beads of carved gold and pearl. You still felt a little bit like you were so buried in finery that you became invisible, but you tried to carry it with pride. All of this had been put together especially for you, and that hard work deserved to be shown off.

Loki was so magnificent in his fur-trimmed cloak, and elaborate helmet, you had to firmly tell yourself not to spend the whole day just staring at him all moon-eyed.

Maybe just a few hours.

Today, the Second Feast, was really the main event, as far as this Buridag was concerned. At noon, you would participate in the Blood Taking ceremony, wherin you would 'mingle blood' with the royal brothers, in order to be formally adopted into Asgardian high society. This would cement your status as high enough to advise Loki as one of the most important members of his personal entourage. And before the evening feast, you would perform the ritual that would confirm you as an official Seidkona.

But before that, you would have the time to run around and enjoy the festival.

It was set up like a combination job fair and reenactment fest. Stalls lined the streets and filled courtyards, peopled by the crafters of Asgard. Smiths, armorers, and carpenters, goldsmiths, lapidaries, scrimshanders, and glassblowers. Weavers, spinners, leatherworkers, and dyemakers, artists, musicians, chefs, academics, mages, stonemasons, construction workers, scribes, dancers, and cheesemongers. All the sights, and sounds, and scents, and flavors that made up Asgard were being demonstrated and celebrated.

Your Father and Tara joined you in the streets, and Loki reluctantly released you into their care, having some preparation left to do.

Tara, flouncing around in an apron dress and domed brooches very much like your usual style, gushed over how beautiful you looked, and your father, rather sheepishly dressed in an Asgardian greatcoat and cowl, agreed openly.

“You look like a princess.” he said. “A real one. You...You walk different now. Talk different. You look so strong.”

“Is it me, or are all these people following us?” Tara asked, not very quietly. A few chagrined people in the crowd that flowed in your wake down the street peeled away, and wandered in different directions. The rest either had less shame, or had orders to keep watch over you.

You spared the group a glance. There appeared to be a solid mix of Asgardians and humans, several of which had their phones out. You surmised there would be a new wave of photos of you on the internet over the next few days.

“Keep your cowl up dad.” You advised.

“Want me to run them off?” he offered.

“Nah. I don't really mind if they take pictures of me. Can't really hurt anything.”

“Wasn't so great last time.” Tara pointed out. “I spent a lot of time stanning for you.”

“Well, last time was sensationalized bullcrap. This time is a nice festival. I mean, check out that guy!”

That Guy was a glassblower in his stall, spinning a huge, bubble thin amphora of rose pink glass. You had seen its like before, but never seen one made.

“Oh, they age crystal mead in those! The pink lets in the right wavelengths of light that give it it's shimmering quality.”

“What's crystal mead?” your father asked.

“Don't try more than a few sips, if anyone offers.” you warned. “Asgardians have iron guts. Their booze is way too strong.”

“Yeah, they warned us about that on the plane.” Tara said. “And yesterday, it looked like they had everything divided up by species, so no one got the wrong thing.”

You took them around to various demonstrations: spinners spinning yarn, brewers preparing several of Asgards many alcoholic beverages, apothecaries showing how basic medicines were made, a cobbler putting together a nice pair of boots.

“So, Asgard's really advanced, right?” Tara asked. “Why is everything like Ye Olden Times?”

“Asgard's never had that big a population, even at it height. There just isn't that much demand for mass production. Most things are bespoke, or self-made. Quality depends entirely on the maker, so that, of course, becomes a competition. And that, in turn, becomes a matter of cultural pride. Also, they have thousands of years to get good at what they do, so Asgardian made goods are super high quality, and they judge personal worth by that. I don't think they'll ever automate; it would go against a lot of what they stand for.”

You snagged the three of you a traditional Asgardian snack; fat sausages, wrapped in savory pastry. You thought it might be good to have something else in your stomach before the first ceremony.

Tara called them Asgardian corn dogs, which you couldn't wait to share with Loki, if only to watch his nose wrinkle with disdain over the undignified term.

“So when do we have to let you go?” Tara asked.

You checked your phone for the time, stuffing the last of your sausage into your mouth.

“Eh, I've got a few minutes left. Better start heading over though.”

Your winding path through the courtyards took you past minstrels, impromptu dances, and games, to a large, tall dais that had been put together as a temporary mirror to the throne room. It towered over the City Hall courtyard like a ziggurat. You'd be up there soon enough, but currently...

“Who's that?” your father asked, pointing at a man standing at the top. “Doesn't look like Thor.”

You squinted up at the figure, his bright armor shining in the rarefied sunlight.

“Ah, That's Heimdall. He's the Guardian of Asgard, and god of...uh, sight? I think? Vigilance? It's not quite that neat and simple, you know? The whole 'God Of' thing is a bit more complicated than that.”

“So that's a god?” your father asked. “How can you tell? Are they all gods? What does that even mean?”

“All good questions. Mostly because they are very hard to answer.”

Your father and Tara jerked at the sudden new voice, and, not for the first time, you found yourself amazed at how easily a man of the sheer size and importance as the king of Asgard could sneak up on people.

“Your Majesty.” you said calmly, inclining your head. Your father and Tara dipped into awkward bows, a little awed by the mythical figure before them. Thor didn't necessarily demand obeisance, but he didn't exactly discourage it either; he let people act as they felt appropriate.

“Not every Asgardian is a god.” Thor explained. “Those that are go by the term 'Aesir', a common name through most of the realms for beings of that type. You are born Aesir; you cannot become one by outside influences. However, Aesir nature doesn't always become apparent at birth, it often doesn't manifest until adolescence. As for what it means to be Aesir...that doesn't have so straightforward an answer. I leave it to the philosophers, who, incidentally, are in booth seventy-eight.

Anyway, I have come to collect your daughter for the ceremony. There isn't much time left, so we'd all better get in place. If you go through those two poles there right now, you can get very good seats.”

“This could get a bit weird.” You warned. “It's a ceremony more ancient than any recorded human practices, so it's probably going to seem archaic.”

“Oh, it's not so bad.” Thor said. “It's been updated and refined over all those years. For instance, everyone remains clothed now, and there are at least seventy percent fewer entrails used.”

Your father coughed, and you rolled your eyes. Thor's sense of humor was difficult for you to understand, considering how serious he was about everything. The thing about Thor's jokes was that he might have been joking about something that had really happened, or he might have been joking about something he'd completely made up, but he would never specify which.

“On that note, I've got to go.” you said. “Entrails to sort, and all that.”

Your father coughed again, Tara patting him compassionately on the back.

“Good luck!” she called to your receding back.

******

“Now, you've been fully briefed on what will happen during this ceremony, correct?” Thor asked, as the two of you loitered near the back stairs of the temporary dais. People were filtering in to seats and standing room around the courtyard, waiting for things to start.

“I think so.” you said. “If I've got this right, there's going to be a special dance-”

“The Alignment of the Celestial and Worldly bodies, yes.” Thor said. “It symbolizes everything that must come together to bring the 'adoptee' to the greater 'family'. In this case, it will tell the story of how you came here to join our family.”

A soft warmth crept up your neck, and heated your ears beneath your helmet. You knew it was all socio-symbolism, but the notion of 'joining the family' hit differently now that you were on intimate terms with Loki.

“And then all the braziers will have some kind of incense thrown in, and in the smoke, we'll all go up the stairs like we're magically appearing. Honestly, it sounds like it'll look really cool.”

“All ceremonies contain a bit of theatrics.” Thor agreed. “Perhaps that is the most important part. Or that's the part that makes it important. I wish we still had some of the traditional ceremonial incense, but we just don't have access to the materials anymore. You would have liked it; it was much more floral than most of what you have here. We did manage to get some lavender though. That should be nice.”

“Maybe one day, when the Bifrost is more stable.” You said. It did sound very nice. “Loki said that you, and he, and Heimdall will sing a blessing song?”

“Yes, a divine blessing from a trio of Aesir. It's got to be three. And then...”

“Yeah. And then.” Loki had told you about the bloodletting. He had been very frank about it. “I know. I'm nervous, but not afraid.”

Thor nodded. “Sometimes there are unforeseen effects, but never anything bad. You'll be perfectly safe.”

“I know. The nervousness just comes from knowing it'll hurt. Even if just for a short time.”

You buckled under Thor's hand when it came down on your shoulder, enveloping the whole thing.

“Loki would rather slice out his own guts than draw your blood, trust me. He's been trying to figure out how to get around it for weeks. Unfortunately, the blood is the most important part of the magic. It carries all of the power. It's very old magic: according to him, this is practically the only part of the ritual that has remained unchanged from the beginning.”

“Did there really used to be entrails and naked people, or was that a joke?”

“Ehhh, well, yes and no. This ceremony originated with the Vanir, and they are not opposed to nakedness under certain circumstances. In this case, everyone who attended was expected to leave the clothes they came in at the door, and wear a special loincloth instead. This was actually to prevent violence, by barring hidden weaponry from being brought to ceremony grounds. So rather than pure nudity, everyone was dressed as scantily as was possible.

As for entrails...unfortunately yes, that was also a part of it. A seer would perform a divination using the entrails of a slaughtered animal. That practice was going out of fashion, even before the war, and I don't think anyone today even remembers how it was done.”

You shuddered. Yes, it was a different culture, and a long time ago, but it still grossed you out.

“I'll have to remember to thank Loki for trying to get me out of it, even if he wasn't successful.” You said. He really did put in a lot of effort behind the scenes. If only he were more open about some of that effort, so you could appreciate it more.

“He was adamant about the bull.” Thor said. “Demanded a private ritual the night before. Put your helmet up on the pillar, then sacrificed and butchered the beast himself. Insisted on it. Did our ancestors proud, but you know he knows his way around a knife.”

“I wish he'd told me. I was really stressed about that whole thing. I'm glad, in the end, that he was thinking of me, but I really wish I'd known. I wouldn't have lost so much sleep!”

“It was a little last minute.” Thor admitted. “I approved it the instant he explained, but we had to do it pretty much immediately afterwards. He really should have told you, but I fear my brother is usually more invested in the making of plans, rather than what to do once they come to fruition. I feel you will be a positive influence on him, though.”

Even though he was wearing his eyepatch, rather than the mismatched prosthetic, his one blue eye was open and sincere.

“I think so too.” you said. You already were influencing each other. It was impossible to live so close, to sleep in the same bed, without doing so. But Loki did have a bad habit of assuming things, a by-product of his upbringing as a leader, you supposed. You would simply have to speak up more.

Perhaps you had gotten too comfortable. But perhaps you wanted to be too comfortable. It might be a holdover from your year of struggle, but having someone who wanted to do so much for you was very tempting. You knew it would be better to strive for a balance, but you also knew that, unless Loki somehow diminished himself severely, the two of you would never truly be equals.

But you admired that greatness, and somehow, those all too common flaws in him made him easier for you to love. They made him so real.

An ambling drum beat started up, accompanied by the brassy ting of zills, and a flute. Loki joined you and Thor in peeking out around the dais, just as a group of dancers spread out around the courtyard.

You'd been told that the dancers represented personages from history and legend. You were pretty sure that the three women who orbited the dance stage equidistant from one another must be the Norns, and you assumed the cluster of people standing beneath a glittering tree branch and clanging their zills were probably meant to be the ancestors of the royal family.

The dance told a story of a woman dressed like you, and a man dressed like Loki, wearing silver bells at their wrists and ankles that jingled with every step. They made everything look so much more graceful and sensual than it really had been: Holding hands like the rune branding had been on purpose, dancing circles with each other, like everything had been friendly and not at all awkward from the very beginning. How elegantly 'you' swooned into 'his' arms, while the assassin was caught. How triumphantly 'you' defended 'him' against the Huldra. And how beautifully 'he' clasped 'you' in a romantic, yet properly chaste embrace.

There was none of the blood, none of the fear, or anger, or petulance, or confusion. No loss, or loneliness, or uncertainty.

But that was how it worked, wasn't it? None of those things could be shown to the general public. This was ceremony. This was spectacle! This was what would be remembered.

The pair danced away, out of sight, the ancestors retreated, and the Norns raised their arms in unison. All around the courtyard, attendants dumped incense into the torches and braziers, sending thick smoke and mysterious perfume wafting over the entire area.

“Show's on, darling.” Loki said, grasping your shoulders, and leading you up the stairs. A new wave of anxiety washed over you as you rose above the sweet smelling clouds like a legend. Heimdall stepped aside to let you pass, Loki and Thor leading you right up to the edge of the elevated platform, where waited a podium, upon which rested a brass bowl. An unfamiliar rune was stamped on its bottom. So that was where the magic would happen.

Thor held his hand out over an unlit brazier just in front of the podium and concentrated. Scarcely a moment later sparks danced between his fingers and jumped to ignite the fuel. The light illuminated the clouds of incense, obscuring the audience. Cut off thus from every other person out there, you didn't flinch as the trio of gods each placed a hand on you, and began to sing.

You couldn't help but wonder if they had done this before. It was a complex song, with rising and falling harmonies, parts layered over one another, something that couldn't have been easy to learn. As their voices dipped and flowed, you felt the power rising, just like out in the camp, months ago. Why could you sense divine power? Was it because of your magic? Was there anyone out in the crowd that could feel it too?

Thor's good eye had begun to sparkle with crackling white energy, the power of the blessing he was singing into you. You assumed Heimdall, behind you, was lighting up orange, and when you turned your head to glance at Loki, you were suffused with the gentle glow of the blue light from your dreams.

All of the anxiety drained out of you at the touch of that light, your arms dropping to your sides as relaxation took over.

Everything was all right. Loki was right beside you. Thor and Heimdall were with you, their voices reverberating through you, their blessing upon you. The rare winter sun filtered down over you like a blanket, as the last notes of the Aesir's song filled your head.

Loki gently took your hand, gazing earnestly into your face as the calming light faded from his eyes.

“Forgive me, my love.” he whispered.

A sudden, painful jab, ripped you out of your cocoon of sunny calm. With a sharp cry, you turned to stare at your fingertip, pierced deeply by the tip of one of Loki's knives.

Loki held your hand over the brass bowl, letting the blood drip, enough to cover the rune at the bottom. Then he tenderly bandaged the tiny wound, lines of regret around his eyes. Thor held his hand out for a slash, and then Loki turned the blade on himself. Blood slowly filled the little bowl, as a light throbbing started in your head. Every drop that rippled its surface was like a giant heartbeat within you.

Once it was full, Thor and Loki began singing again, lifting the small bowl between them. They held it up to the sun, and then poured it onto the burning brazier. The fire sputtered, sizzling, sending a huge cloud of smoke directly into your face. You gagged on the scent of burning blood, practically bathed in it, a layer of death-scent on your skin. The song cut through it, thrumming in your ears, an echoing promise of cherishment and fidelity.

The blood burned down into nothing, the smoke slowly clearing. All of the people in the courtyard came back into view, the upturned faces solemn. The dancers below picked up the chorus.

And you understood them.

Loki took your hand and lifted it up, flourishing to the crowd. They cheered, while you stood there, stunned. You understood what they were saying, their enthusiastic calls, their songs. The blood smell lingered in your nose, the throbbing swiftly receding from your head.

He led you to the stairs down as you wobbled, but you never made it all the way down. Dizziness overcame you, and you collapsed into Loki's arms.

#lasabrjotr #loki (marvel)#loki x reader

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wevegottogetaway · 5 years

Text

Don’t freak out, okay?

"Hey ’s me. So…don’t freak out, okay?"

Harry’s heart is already in summersaults. It’s barely been an hour since y/n has left for a girls’ night out so he didn’t expect her to call for another three hours when she’d have one too many Vodka cranberry and all she’d want is to cozy up in his arms while he plays with her hair until she falls asleep.

"Fuck, love wha’s goin’ on? Are you okay? Are you at the bar?" His words are rushed out as his mouth tries to keep up with the incessant whirl of thoughts fogging up his mind.

Aside from the occasional highly spirited night out, Harry would consider y/n to be a rather reasonable person. Rests assured that she will always take care of herself though he absolutely relishes doing so himself just because he can. That’s what love is in his book: taking care of someone even when they don’t need it. So least to say, this impromptu phone call is no common behavior for his love, hence his instant distress.

The wheezing quality of Y/n’s voice asking him not to panic is also not helping him tame the knot compressing his lungs.

"Christ Harry, I told you not to freak out."

"Fuck sake y/n, ’course m’freakin’ out, you just told me not too." By now he’s frantically moved from the couch where he’d been flipping through a new Bukowski book of his, unceremoniously tossing his reading glasses on the coffee table. With a permanent frown crumpling his features, he’s trying to put on his coat while simultaneously seeking his wallet and car keys.

Though he’s usually the first one to have a go at his klutzy tendencies, Harry’s never resented more his lack of motor skills than tonight. He’s almost tripped for the third time now as he tries to put on the second sleeve of his jacket while tucking his wallet in the other side’s pocket and sticking his right foot in the wrong shoe.

"Harry, that literally makes no sense."

Suddenly Harry halts the multitasking before taking a long breath. The anticipation is toying with his last nerve as he still doesn’t know what he’s dealing with. Realization comes upon him that he needs to get his shit together in order to be able to handle the situation.

"Love, m’losin’ my mind ‘ere. Please for the love of God, just tell me what’s goin’ on."

He first hears a small sigh before her voice finally travels through the phone. It’s quiet and completely ridden of wit and humor.

"Alright, I may have gotten into an accident and may be at the hospital."

There’s a few seconds of heavy silence as Harry’s heart skips a beat.

"It’s okay though, I’m okay now. I just- they’re gonna put some sort of- of cast on my ankle in a few minutes and then I need you- I need you to take me home." She’s rambling a lot, which tells Harry she’s not as collected as she tries to appear.

"Fuck. M’comin’ love, yeah? As fast as I can, just tell me which hospital." He’s out the door in a bolt, not caring if he left the kitchen lights on. There’s only one thing on his mind and it’s to be by her sides as soon as he can. Rationally he knows she’s out of danger and there’s no death to ensue. Hell, in a few months they’ll probably laugh about the whole thing, stamping it as another clumsy Harry episode (one that would put the best Chaplin movie to shame). Right now though, his other half is hurt and he won’t feel at peace until he’s there to take some of her pain away.

"I’m at the Royal Free Hospital."

"A’right, ‘m on my way, angel," he says while pulling out of the driveway. "Just stay put, I’ll be there in 5." Y/n has half the mind to retort that she can’t really go anywhere, given the state (or more like angle) of her ankle. She detects the anxiousness infiltrating his voice though and to be fair, she doesn’t feel the banter either, she just wants him there too.

"Thank you Harry. Just, be careful on the road yeah? I’m not leaving."

"Will do, angel. I’m just leaving the house now. I love you." He waits for her frail ‘I love you too’ before he hangs up and starts driving. Despite his promise, he doesn’t slow down when the speedometer needle climbs past the usual limit. It’s a short drive to the hospital anyway, so he makes it under 10 minutes, does a poor job at parking his car and jogs to the reception desk.

“Hello my name is Harry, could you tell me where I could find y/n y/l/n please. I’m her boyfriend, and I know I’m not technically family but please it’s really important.” Harry’s never used his favorable position to get his way in or out of things before but he considers it now for a hot minute.

The nurse isn’t even looking up at him though. Her eyes reflect boredom and indifference as they scan over the computer placed in front of her. In the same nonchalant fashion she announces in a dull voice, “Room 324, Third floor, the elevator is on your left.”

There’s a slight delay in Harry’s reaction, as he was expecting at least a short berating about hospital policy abidance.

Troubled by the lack of response the nurse finally tilts her head up to find a slightly dumbfounded looking Harry. “You do know she’s listed you as her emergency contact, right?” she asks eyebrow arched.

“Right...must have slipped my mind. Thank you for your help.” Now that everything makes more sense, he’s back in full operational mode.

Though he makes it in 3min flat, the walk to room 324 feels like an exhaustive journey of never ending hallways succeeding one after the other for Harry. It seems every new corner he has to take is taunting him and testing his patience, kinda like how kids feel during long drives when they ask ‘are we alsmot there’ for the 26th time.

And then finally, he reaches y/n’s room. The door is open and she’s sitting back to him on an examination table. Harry doesn’t wait a second more, before barging into the room half breathless even though he hasn’t technically run.

“Y/n! You okay?” he asks fervently as he circles the table to stand in front of her. His hands cup her cheeks but his eyes are looking at anything but her face as he scans her body for injuries.

“I’m fine, Harry. See? Just a twisted ankle.” Y/n does her best to quiet his worries though a part of her is really relieved to have him by her side.

“Shit. What ‘appened, love?” That’s the question that has caused the loudest ruckus in his head in the midst of all the others ever since he left the house. Now that he’s here though, it’s merely a tickling of curiosity that has him ask the question. More importantly, he engulfs y/n in one of the tightest hug he’s ever given. It’s one that soothes the straining in his guts, and warms his heart with the fact that his love is safe and out of pain (at least for the moment).

“I got hit by a car. I went to cross the street and the car just came out of nowhere. I don’t know I think the traffic jam was broken or something. “

“Jesus Christ, and you told me not to freak out,” Harry mumbles under his breath as his head - now resting against y/n’s forehead - shakes slowly from side to side.

“I’m fine, Harry. I promise,” she insists while rubbing her palms along his arms. “I was more shaken up then physically hurt. I’m feeling much better now.” She doesn’t mention that it’s mostly because Harry’s here but she sure does think it.

Somehow Harry seems to understand the unspoken thoughts as he softly kisses her. It’s really tender at first; lips caressing hers as if he’s scared to hurt her further. His hesitancy fades once y/n pulls him closer by his neck and swipes her tongue across his bottom lips. Harry immediately deepens the kiss, following her lead. There’s no lust, just intense relief. In a way this incident reminded them that life is so unpredictable and sometimes it only takes a deficient traffic light to turn one’s life upside down.

When they break the kiss, Harry barely leans back. The kiss was all he needed to relax and let go of the anguish that had built inside of him. A small smirk teases the right corner of his lips as he remembers something. "So…I’m your emergency contact now?"

He’s really smug about it as he can finally swap that awful knot of worry for butterflies swimming in his tummy. Y/n just lets out a sheepish laugh and closes her eyes in bashfulness. She’d done it a few months ago and kinda forgot about it with time. It’s not something to think about everyday, is it? But now she realizes she never actually told him.

"I- yeah, I did it a little while ago, when I had to bring Emily to the ER. I just- I realized I needed someone too. I know it’s dumb cause you’re a lot on the road but I don’t know, I really like having you here right now," she concludes with a kiss.

"I’m glad I’m here too, love. An’ you know I’ll always be, right? No matter what ocean separates us, you’re the one call I’ll never ignore." Harry wants to make sure she knows she’s his top priority. "Just, please never call me and ask me not to freak out right off the bat."

Y/n laughs whole heartedly at that. "I’m sorry, I know it’s bad, I just didn’t know how to tell you." She continues laughing as she pulls him for another hug. Her face is tucked in his neck just as his is. Then she turns slightly to free her lips from his skin, "I promise next time, I’ll think of something smoother."

"Next time!?" He recoils from her embrace just enough so he can lock eyes with her. "How about you never get hurt ever again? For my sanity’s sake, please?"

Y/n chuckles at his mini outburst before kissing him briefly. "I love you."

"I love you more."

Maybe the night didn’t go as planned but as always, it ends with a happy ending with his y/n. He’ll gladly take the unexpected hospital visits and grumpy nurse encounters if it means she’s still the one he has to take home 50 years from now.

➪ Masterlist

#harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles blurb #harry styles #creative writing #fluff #sorry I haven't posted in a while #things are a bit rough tight now

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iamcinema · 5 years

Text

IAC Reviews #010: Blood Lake (1987) [Retrospective #2]

"...I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him...“

Over the years, I’ve been scowering the Internet trying to find the worst of the worst when it comes to horror movies. I guess you can call me a glutton for punishment in that regard since some movies need to be seen to be believed, rather than looked into as an example of what bad filmmaking looks like. Whether it’s a problem with the acting, the writing, the technical specs, or all of the above, you know you’re in for a good [or horrible] time if it checks one or more of those boxes. When it comes to bad horror movie lists, not just shot on video ones, one film in particular seems to rule them all as it’s hailed as one of the worst movies of all time, if not the worst horror film ever made. This time around, I’m making an ill-fated return to the Oklahoma to talk about Tim Boggs’ lone directorial credit, Blood Lake.

________________________________________

Blood Lake tells the story about a group of friends who are being stalked by a mad man while on a weekend getaway trip at the lake. It’s not the most original concept out there, but hey, what else is new? It’s interesting that this is Boggs’ only attempt at being a filmmaker and the rest of his credits are attributed to being part of the sound department for notable films and shows like Lost Highway, Tales From the Crypt, Xena: Warrior Princess, The Sopranos, Breaking Bad, and Legion. That’s a hell of a resume, but that’s not what we’re here to really discuss.

I heard about the notority of this for years, and I decided to take the plunge with it nearly five years ago where I live reviewed it for Under the Morgue. Needless to say, I didn’t have fun with it and I don’t think I ever ripped into a film that hard up until that point. With the anniversary date of that review coming up, I thought it would be fair to do a retrospect on this to see if it really lives up to how genuinely atrocious I thought it was all those years ago.

Blood Lake in One Gif:

I think I need to lay down for this one. Do you know that feeling of nostalgia you get when you see, hear, or smell something that really takes you back to a better time? Well, whatever the antithisis to that is would describe the seething rage and horror I felt re-watching this.

________________________________________

While it’s true that some movies need to be witnessed to truly understand how bad they are, it’s also fair to say that some things shouldn’t be known by mere mortals - and this absolutely applies to films like Ax’Em and Blood Lake. They’re as cut-and-dry and boring as they are in premise, and a train wreck of a travesty in execution at that.

The quality from a technical standpoint is pretty damn atrocious, particularly during some of the nighttime shots since it can be hard to tell what’s going on and it feels like you’re squinting the whole time trying to tell what you’re looking at. The sound is just as bad, though sometimes it fairs better than the visuals, even if a good chunk of the time you can’t tell what the hell anyone is saying because they’re either too far from the mic to be picked up or it’s a dialogue problem with everyone mumbling, talking over each other, or fumbling over their lines. IMDB says the sound was shot with a single shotgun microphone, and yeah...it kind of shows.

C’mon. Look at this and tell me you can figure out what the fuck all is going on.

The writing feels almost non-existent as Boggs encouraged the actors to paraphrase the dialogue in their own words to I guess make it feel more natural. However, with how clumsy things are, it’s hard to really tell how much was ad-libbed or done by the actors themselves. The total direction and set-up with the pacing is absolute garbage and some of the worst I’ve ever seen, as it’s padded out with gratuitously long shots of them doing things like “extreme” sports on the water or a scene of them drinking at a table that goes on for close to ten minutes. It feels like the director left the camera on a tripod and accidentally filmed their lunch break. People have said this feels like a glorified home movie, and I get why. I’ve ripped on Las Vegas Bloodbath for how bad the filler was during its third act; as well as the opening dance sequences and the yo mama jokes in the opening of Ax’Em for needlessly dragging things out, or even the flashback sequences in Nick Millard’s films - even if they don’t exist within the canon of the story. Hell, Sledgehammer does this too by slowing down scenes in order to pad it out to a 60 minute runtime after being told it was too short.

When it comes to the characters, they aren’t anything special and are mostly forgettable. With this camp, I designated them to one of two sides of the field; boring and awful. All of them I’ve mostly shoved over on the boring side, as they never really do anything noteworthy or special, so I wouldn’t be able to tell you their names off the top of my head for the most part. However, some of the guys do teeter on being awful and annoying as hell, but one character in particular stayed on the shit teir side of the spectrum from start to finish - which would be Tony.

Oh, god. Tony....

This guy right here. This motherfucker made watching this the first time around feel like a total chore. But the second time around, and willingly so, it was like pulling teeth to get me to finish.

I don’t mind weird, perverted, sleazy dickheads who show up now and again, but Tony is a special case because his entire shtick is being a weird creep to the point of giving off rapey vibes with the other guys over how his goal at the end of the weekend is to conquer some girl he goes to school with. Bro, you’re like twelve, shut the fuck up. It’s beyond cringe. It’s insufferable, and prior to this, I said over on Under the Morgue that Alan from Return to Sleepaway Camp was the most unsympathetic “protagonist” I had ever seen. But now, compared to him and the majority of the characters from Await Further Instructions, I don’t know who is the most grating to sit through - and I spent most of my time on that review talking about how the zero level of characterization makes it so hard to watch. In that review, I said I can appreciate a scummy character if they have any sort of secondary personality trait that makes you love to hate them, or at least makes them tolerable. With Tony, he’s just an annoying, pervy brat who I guess is about as comedic and charming as a trench foot infection.

It’s pretty damn rare that I see a movie where I root for the villain(s) from start to finish because I can’t stand the majority, if not all of the characters. So, having to recall how many times I wished Tony would have drowned within the first fifteen minutes or had a joint stubbed out in his damn eye has proved to be more enjoyable than the entirety of this shit show, since the only tail he should have been chasing was the tailpipe of the damn car he arrived in. I was honestly surprised we didn’t get any Summer Camp Nightmare moments given how much of a creep the twerp is, and I still am now.

The fact that this is called a slasher film feels like a cruel joke, since after the opening kill, the next murder doesn’t happen until close to the fifty minute mark in an 82 minute movie (78 minutes if you get rid of the credits). Plus, because of the abysmal quality, you can’t even see them clear enough to tell what’s happening. It’s so frustrating to feel like you’d get more out of the death scenes by closing your eyes the whole time. It’s up there with Ax’Em in terms of quality and how much it feels like they cheat you, which makes me wonder why bother at all if it’s possible you can’t even see what’s going on when you were editing the damn thing?

________________________________________

So, here we are at the dreaded moment where I close this off with how I’d rate this. Is it as bad as I remember it being? Yes, if not more so. I had to pause and walk away from it for a bit to cool off and do something else because it was so tedious sit through.

It just goes on, and on, and on, which was only made worse by obnoxious characters that were a total hassle to put up with who could have been reduced to Douchebag #1, Generic Girl #2, and Rattail Motherfucker #1 based on how little they actually did to make me want to remember their names - and the ones who did were the most insufferable of the lot that I couldn’t forget them even if I wanted to. There’s little to no actual blood and gore, and with the very little there was, it was completely wasted in scenes that you can’t see clearly which is a damn shame because one of the kills could have had a decent reveal if it was shot better.

If I had to say just one good thing about the film to be generous, not counting that it had some kind of a reachable end, it was the mediocre soundtrack supplied by the band Voyager. It’s not good at all, but hey, if you like cheesy 80s horror soundtracks, there’s that going for it...I guess. With all that being said, I never want to see this disaster ever again. I’m trying to wrap my head around how people genuinely like this, even in a so bad it’s good type of way, and I just don’t get it. This, for me, is arguably one of the worst horror movies I’ve ever seen, and probably ever will.

RATING: 0.5/10

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#blood lake #sov #sov horror #shot on video #shot on video horror #80's horror #80s horror #horror movie #horror movies #horror film #slasher #film #horror #movie review #film review #iac reviews

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johnnymundano · 5 years

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Giallo (2009)

Directed by Dario Argento

Screenplay by Jim Agnew, Sean Keller and Dario Argento

Music by Marco Werba

Country: Italy

Running time: 92 minutes

CAST

Adrien Brody as Inspector Enzo Avolfi

Flavio Volpe as Giallo

Emmanuelle Seigner as Linda

Elsa Pataky as Celine

Robert Miano as Inspector Mori

Silvia Spross as Russian Victim

Giuseppe Lo Console as Butcher

Luis Molteni as Sal

Lorenzo Pedrotti as Delivery Boy

Daniela Fazzolari as Sophia

Valentina Izumi as Keiko

Taiyo Yamanouchi as Toshi

Sato Oi as Midori

Maryann McIver as Girl In Bookstore

Barbara Mautino as Nurse

Massimo Franceschi as Coroner

Liam Riccardo as Baby Yellow

Anna Varello as Butcher's Wife

Giancarlo Judica Cordiglia as Desk Sergeant

Nicolò Morselli as Young Enzo

Farhad Re as Designer

Patrick Oldani as Officer Gian Luca

Andrea Redavid as Officer #1

Linda Messerlinker as Girl Victim

By rights Giallo should be called Marrone. As in brown, as in crap. I’m not saying it reflects poorly on Dario Argento’ skills in 2009 but…but you could have an art installation in the Tate Modern with one screen playing Deep Red (1975) next to a screen playing Giallo and just call it “Time’s Cruel Hand at Play”. Okay, I am saying Giallo reflects poorly on Dario Argento’s skills in 2009. What is most surprising about Giallo is not learning Adrien Brody sued the producers but learning that he didn’t do so because the movie was so bad. (He actually did it because they hadn’t paid him all his fee; which is also a really good reason to sue them.) Giallo is a giallo called Giallo, directed by the modern master of giallo himself, Dario Argento. And it’s not very good. Some of Giallo is excruciatingly bad in fact, admittedly like much of the wayward genre of giallo itself. But one expects better from Dario Argento.

In a listlessly lit but still visually arresting Turin young, beautiful foreign ladies are being abducted, tortured, killed and dumped. Even in bawdy Italy this behaviour is frowned upon, and maverick, rogue, loose-cannon cop Enzo Avolfi (Adrien Brody) is on the hunt for the maniacally sadistic killer. When young, beautiful, foreign model Celine (Elsa Pataky) is snatched, her visiting slightly older, slightly less beautiful, equally foreign sister, Linda (Emmanuelle Seigner) badgers Enzo remorselessly until he has no choice but to have her accompany him on his investigation, completely contravening every procedure in the police manual. But Enzo is a roguetastic maverick, so there you go. Can the mismatched duo find Celine in time? Will love blossom? Will the torture of young, beautiful, foreign ladies make you feel a bit seedy? Will sense play second fiddle to style? Will the killer’s set piece demise be a thing of ridiculous beauty? How daft will the clues be? Yes, the usual giallo questions apply. Unfortunately the answers are less satisfying than most giallo by quite some distance.

Which is a shame. I don’t want to overstate this but if we can’t rely on Dario Argento, of all people, to provide a decent giallo then what’s the point of us having left the oceans for the land in the first place! Anyone, as am I, familiar with Argento’s movies up to Opera (1987) will likely be unimpressed at best by Giallo. (Getting hold of his movies after Opera in the UK requires effort, effort which I’m not entirely sure their quality will repay. See: Giallo) The awfulness of Giallo is utterly mystifying unless 1987 to 2009 was a period of implacable decline for Argento. I mean, it doesn’t even look very good. The first thing anyone associates with Dario Argento is his weird need to film his daughter in the nude, but the second thing is: style. Giallo, the genre, is all about style, unfortunately Giallo, the movie, has very little style. It has some style; Argento can’t entirely avoid picking the odd good angle, or visually interesting location. But mostly it’s lit in a really underwhelming way, it all looks a bit TV, in short. And the torture is a bit much too; it’s as though Argento has taken all that sado-nonsense like Hostel (2005) as a challenge. Unfortunately, it’s a challenge Giallo lowers itself to with unseemly haste and distasteful success. These grubby interludes puncture any of the necessary dreamlike surrealism a top tier giallo requires.

Every now and again Giallo does try for the necessary operatic ambience though. Mainly in the flashbacks to Enzo’s violent past. These are so good, so stylish and so startlingly direct in their violence that they seem like refugees from a different movie, one Argento is far more interested in. He certainly seems decidedly more apathetic about the rest of Giallo. It all, presumably, is intended to build to a shocking climax between Enzo and Linda which deliberately kneecaps any nobility the viewer has lazily projected onto our cop protagonist. Unfortunately this crucial scene is filmed with such a lack of energy that it merely evokes a disgruntled wife shrieking at her husband as he stalks off to the pub instead of washing the car like he’d promised.

The best thing in Giallo is Adrien Brody. But not because he’s good. Although, he is quite good as the cop, Enzo Avolfi, with his mannered walk and Bronx rasp. Brody’s acting really hard here, and in his head you can tell he’s acting the part of a physically much bigger man, which is quite entertaining to watch. He’s only a slight fella after all. (!!SPOILERS!!) Unfortunately he also plays the totally separate role of the killer, Giallo by name, in a move which can be most generously described as misguided. I mean, I get it, I get the rationale. They, the cop and the killer, are two sides of the same coin. (I didn’t say it was original). So why not get the same guy to play them both? Conceptually that’s quite smart and partially atones for another plod through familiar “There but for the grace of God…” territory. But, hoo boy, does Brody misplay Giallo. I mean, woof! I mean, woof! Woof! First of all he’s hampered by a big yellow prosthetic face, a curly wig and a poorly judged sweatband. That, obviously, isn’t ridiculous enough so Brody adds a cod-Italian accent more suited to a lightly racist 1970s sit-com about foreign students learning English. “Prreeeteee! Bee-yoo-ti-fowl! Pretteee!” he chirrups repeatedly, but the nadir is when he hisses “Shuduppayamawf!” as he injects a struggling woman’s tongue with a sedative. Essentially Giallo disembowels itself by having a killer who resembles a melting Sylvester Stallone waxwork and talks like a homicidal comedy Italian waiter.

So, yes, Giallo is entertaining but for all the wrong reasons. I’ve barely scratched the surface of the misfires in wait, I wouldn’t want to kill all the pleasure of Giallo. But I will mention that Emmanuelle Seigner acts throughout the movie as though someone has told her that if she moves her face it will crack into a thousand pieces. Oh, and…but, no, enough. Trust me, Giallo isn’t a good movie, it isn’t even a good giallo. From Dario Argento that’s a shame, but, hey, we’ll always have Deep Red.

#Movies #Horror #giallo #Italy #Dario Argento #Adrien Brody #Emmanuelle Seigner #2009 #The 2000s

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rat-apologist · 5 years

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A Semi-In depth Review of Anna Todd’s After

So I’ve been seeing the trailer for the movie adaptation of this book every five seconds on my Instagram feed, and as a proud dyslexic unwilling to sit down and read it, I listened to the audiobook.

Again, these are all my opinions, if you don’t agree that’s okay.

Here is a quick, spoiler free plot synopsis for those who want/need it: Being moved from Wattpad into the real world of publishing, After follows a girl named Tessa, who simultaneously has the mentality of a five year old and an old man from the 1800’s. She is eighteen years old and is going to college to be an English major. Tessa loves control, planning, and books. She's an introvert at heart, and “not like other girls” (i.e. dresses conservatively, is a virgin (the books words, not mine)). She has a shitty mom and a nice, preppy, boyfriend who is still in high school, and her life is completely planned out. That’s all turned upside down when the poster child for emotional abuse named Harden (harry styles) waltzes into her life during a frat party her first week of college. Your typical Wattpad/teen movie drama ensues.

(the actual review under the cut)

This review is chock full of spoilers for Anna Todd’s book After. If you want a good idea of what I thought about this book without any spoilers I’ll just say this: I can really honestly say I was never bored while listening to this book. However, that is not necessarily a good thing. Often times I was just too much in awe of the clunky writing and truly evil supposedly “redeemable” characters to be bored. On a one to five star scale, I’d probably give it a two. More on that later.

Here are the things I liked:

(this one is only applicable to the audiobook) the narrator was amazing, her voice acting was very appropriate (though she did tend to drop accents sometimes- but that is forgiven because of how otherwise amazing her line delivery was- especially considering the quality of the dialogue).

Landon and Dakota were my favorite characters, and even though they had no personalities beyond what they meant to Tess and how they interacted with Harden (Hardin? Again, I listened to the audiobook I’ve got no idea how to spell that lmao) they still made the book better to listen to.

Despite the repetition of plot/narrative structures I can happily say again that I was never really bored.

Okay moving on to more mixed-bag feelings:

So the last chapter was from Harden’s perspective, and I thought that was an interesting idea. Learning what one character thinks, especially since our protagonist is, how you say, a little bad at reading/interacting with other human people. However the execution left something to be desired for me. It quite literally was just the exact same scene we just saw from the previous chapter, but from Hardens perspective instead of Tess’s. Which was just ended up being unnecessarily repetitive at times.

I liked how Tessa tried to be less judgmental throughout the book, however her growth is very, very limited.

I liked the fact that they mentioned they used condoms in pretty much every sex scene, and that most of the time clear verbal consent/clear nonverbal consent was given for the sexual stuff. That does not happen often in books, especially in fan fiction from what I understand.

I like that Tess does stand up for herself, while I could sometimes see myself comparing her to Bella Swan considering how much of her personality does kind of revolve around her relationship with Harden, she certainly was more vocal about her feelings. And boy, did she have a lot of feelings.

Moving on to the things I didn’t like, this is probably going to be a mix on writing, characters, and plot points so bear with me. (I’m saving my many thoughts on the twist for last)

Okay so a big number one is the biggest plot driver, the love story. So, I feel like it goes without saying, but the main relationship is SUPER unhealthy. Harden constantly stalks, manipulates, and bullies Tess throughout the whole book. He is pretty much abusive, using her caring for him to his own advantage and then dropping her when it suits him. Plus his hyper-sexualization of her “virtue” is really really nasty. Tess pretty much cries in every interaction they have together, and even acknowledges how toxic their relationship is, and yet I’m supposed to root for them? Hmm… I don’t think so

The near constant slut shaming and girl hate in this book bothers me, especially when it’s mixed with the hints of “I’m not like other girls” from Tess

The character descriptions kinda weird me out considering how much Harden is described like Harry Styles, like literally a tumblr punk edit of Harry Styles

The dialogue is… bad. To all the writers out there (myself included) make sure you read your dialogue out loud to see if it sounds natural, that way if your Wattpad fanfiction ever does get published, and your book is adapted into audiobook, you’ll avoid a situation like this one. Because, especially listening to it, the dialogue in this book is really really bad. Honest to god it sounds like robots imitating humans are talking to each other, only they’re trying to convince the other robots that they are humans. For some reason Anna Todd avoided using contractions for most of the book, making the characters sound unnatural and completely out of their predefined characters. Why would these college students not use words like “it’s” “we’ll” and “we’re”? It is truly astonishing, and it makes the few uses of contractions really distracting. Normally I don’t give a shit about grammar since I don’t really understand grammar, and normally grammatical errors aren’t that obvious when listening on audio, but the dialogue was seriously that bad.

The pacing was bad, that’s kinda all I have to say. It was generally too quick during plot development but then took a screeching halt for each fight/sex scene (of which there are many)

The repetition of certain words/phrases really got annoying. Everyone's always screaming, biting on their lip, or smirking. Harden is rude, as Tessa mentioned about eight million times, and Tessa finds his dirty talk arousing. We know this, because Todd uses those phrases about a billion times a chapter.

The sex scenes kind of grossed me out. I’m (in general) fine with sex, but the way the sex scenes were written seriously ucked me out. These college kids avoid using words like “penis” “dick” “pussy” etc. and use really really juvenile words like “down there” and “length”. Maybe this is a fanfiction thing, and I’ll admit that I have not read essentially any fanfiction, but it is truly a disturbing way to write sex. Especially since Tessa is written to have the experience and understanding of sex as like a child, not even understand what an orgasm is and unwilling to say words like penis or vagina, something our loverboy Harden is super attracted to, by the by.

I hate that this book uses “girl almost gets assaulted so man can come in and valiantly protect her” trope. It is super gross and I hate it. That’s kind of all I can say, the use of women's pain so that men can get some amount of redemption is awful.

More on Harden: I am sick of the “violent, broken man that I promise I can fix!” trope. It is used to justify and excuse abuse and I hate it. Tess is honestly scared of him several times in the book and it’s played as a personality quirk of his? Like everyone just accepts that’s how he is? I know for the most part we aren’t supposed to “like” him for the first part of the book, but it’s obvious that the author wants us to root for him and Tessa in some capacity. Especially with the inclusion of his perspective at the end, which in a way is exactly the kind of manipulation that he is into so idk. Also he is possessive despite the fact that they weren’t dating, and he is very clear he does not date. That’s already abuse, but of course there is more. On top of that he is cruel, and pretty stuck-up throughout the book- making him pretty much insufferable to me. And all of this shit just gets worse once the twist is introduced, and no amount of his whining from his chapter could at all change that.

The rest of the characters are all either boring, or the worst people you could ever meet. Tess’s mom, Molly, Jace, all really terrible to offset the horror of Harden. To almost justify what he does- because comparatively he doesn’t seem as bad (up until the twist).

The twist. Dear god the twist. So, as it goes it isn’t an extremely inspired twist. I’ve seen it done before in a similar way (I’m looking at you, Ten Things I Hate About You). For those who are wondering: the big twist is that Harden only really pursued Tess in the beginning because after she revealed she is a virgin at a party early on in the book he makes a pricey bet with Zed (another side character only used to add ~drama~ to Tessa and Harden’s relationship) to see who can take her virginity. All of the subsequent bullying, possessiveness, manipulation, etc. were all a ploy to have sex with her before Zed could. I feel like it goes without saying that that’s disgusting, but let me tell you exactly why: at least if he was actually interested in her at first his weird behavior could possibly be passed off as hormones (I wouldn’t like it, but I’d understand it more if you’d try to make that argument), but the fact that it was all for a bet not only makes his disgusting actions worse, but makes the fact that he supposedly falls in love with her so much more annoying. Plus, the fact that he literally tries to trap Tessa in a lease so she can’t leave him, and tries to bribe his friends into silence really shows how little he actually cares about Tessa and her thoughts and feelings.

So, why two stars? Honestly, because I was entertained (for lack of a better word) by this book. Maybe if I actually read it and not just listened to the audiobook it my rating would be lower, maybe if there was just one more sex scene to slow down the pace I would have been more bored. Who knows, but I was entertained. Sometimes by how terrible the dialogue is, by how astonishing the characters decisions were, sometimes by the actual plot. It’s like watching a shitty soap opera, it’s not good by any means, but it certainly keeps your attention.

#pj speaks #book review #after book #after book review

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quintessential-queer-indian-blog · 6 years

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Dear Anonymous,

If you got the reference I’d made in title, please leave a comment because I would love to get in touch with someone I’m in sync with. Anyway, for those who did not get the reference, fret not, for I will explain. “Penelope” is one of the most magical films I’ve ever seen which has a very beautiful lesson about self-acceptance. A brief plot summary:

A modern day fairy-tale about a girl, Penelope Wilhern, born to an elite Blue Blood family must break a curse she inherited from her bloodline that gave her the face of a pig. In order to break this curse, she must be accepted by “one of her own kind, till death do them apart”. Brought up in captivity by an overbearing mother, she is trained to be a model bride and is set up with a marriage arrangement service, whereas all Penelope wants is to see the world and be free.

I remember the first time I ever watched the movie, when I was 12. Ever since, I’ve always wanted to watch it again but it was never shown on television again. Recently, I got hold of the movie and watched it to death for about 10 times. The soundtrack at the end is particularly charming, called “Hoppípolla” by Sigur Rós. If you do want to watch this movie, I’d suggest you do so before you read this post because I kind of spoil the ending (sorry, not sorry).

Anyway, coming back to the point of my post. The reference to Penelope was merely to elucidate the concept of self acceptance. In order to get rid of the curse, Penelope agrees to marry a blue blood, who is only marrying her to restore his public image on orders from his father, after publicly shaming Penelope, describing her as a monster with fangs. However, when the “I do” moment arrives, Penelope gives in to her doubts and says “No!” and runs away from the altar. Her mother, worried that the blue blood would leave, follows Penelope and pleads with her to get back and marry him when Penelope says the iconic words: “I don’t want to get rid of the curse; I like myself the way I am“. At that moment, she becomes the Blue Blood required to break the curse as she “is one of their kind who accepts her until death do them apart”, thus reverting her nose and ears back to that of a human.

Penelope taught me a very important lesson when she said the words: “I like myself the way I am”. We spend so much time and effort and money on things such as make-up, special diet, exercise equipment, gym membership, etc. We have a set image in our minds as to how we ought to look like. We have been conditioned by society to thinking that we are not “pretty enough”, or “handsome enough”, or “hot enough”, or “sexy enough”. Sometimes, things that are totally out of our control such as height, skin color, hair quality etc, are what makes us “not good enough” for the social idea of good looks. On the one hand, we reiterate “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”, whereas on the other hand, we squeeze ourselves into tight dresses and add an inch-thick layer of make-up, or we work out till our muscles become sore in order to have “abs” and “glutes” and whatnot. I’m not shaming those who like wearing make-up or wearing pretty dresses, or like working out in the gym in order to have a stunning body. I am in awe of said people because it takes a great deal of care and effort to maintain yourself. Watching every carb you eat, maintaining a diet diary and counting calories, spending hours in the gym and toning your muscles, grooming and trimming and waxing off hair apart from that on your head while spending a great deal of time in styling the hair that is on your head; all of these activities ought to be done by people voluntarily. These activities take up a lot of time and effort, both physical and mental/emotional, and are just means to an end some people wish to achieve. However, it is imprudent to assume that everybody ought to set their body image standards to such a high benchmark. Not everyone may have the sort of means, time, or energy in them to do these activities in order to be deemed “beautiful” or “hot” by a generic crowd of four people.

Now, I could go on and blame movies and media as a source of unrealistic body standards, which is true. However, I wish take another route. Media promotes many things – some are good (like philanthropy, animal and human rights, business sense etc) and some are not (violence, unrealistic body standards, sexual discrimination and overhyping many vices). What the media does is present to you, the viewer, as entertainment, a fictionalized version of reality. The very point of requiring entertainment is that reality is too boring at times. You wake up, get ready to go to office/school, spend a third of your day doing work (job or learning), come back home and retire for the rest of the day. A monotonous routine requires some catalyst – something that drives you to continue the monotony. Don’t get me wrong, monotony isn’t bad; monotony is what pays your bills. The catalyst is the entertainment in the form of movies, shows, social media, porn etc. Naturally, this entertainment you seek requires some pizzazz, an element of fantasy that elevated you from the mundane musings of your daily life. Media provides this for you. To do so, they need to create aspects of fantasy, so close to reality that it seems real enough, yet not too close to reality that it becomes “too real”. This fantasy world requires perfection; things people generally like: Pretty objects and pretty people leading pretty, yet relatable lives. Here comes the aspect of “unrealistic body standards”. In order to please the maximum number of people, you need a hook; something that makes people want to watch the movie or show, or read the article, or buy a product. This is where they usher in the pretty guns: skinny girls with surreal skin and dress size and impossibly straight hair, and men that exude masculinity with their rock hard pecs and ice-cube tray abs and albeit not mentioned, clear perfect fair skin with perfectly groomed hair and smooth airbrushed body parts. These people are simply doing their job – to create a fantasy world for you, the average looking, average bodied mass public. Some of these people are genetically gifted while others put themselves through a certain hell to look “bangable”. But that’s all they are; people like you and me, doing their jobs like you and me, to pay their bills like you and me. The problem arises when people start setting goals based on those pretty guns hired to spruce up the fantasy world. You are a person with a full-time job. How can you possibly imagine trying to put in the effort those pretty guns do (for their own full-time job), apart from the effort you put into your own job? Know the line between fantasy and reality, and you will realise the truth – bringing your lofty standards back from fantasy to reality will save you a lot of effort and bring you true happiness.

That said, one of the major reasons people indulge in lofty and unrealistic standards of appearance is less voluntary than one might think. As a species, we are genetically predisposed to “being the perfect mate” for our fellow sapiens. Therefore, even though we may not internalize or believe in those standards set by the fantasy, we put ourselves through certain hell to satisfy someone else’s fantasies, thus securing a mate (from an evolutionary standpoint). This is perfectly normal, but that doesn’t make it right. One of the hardest things I have had to do was to give up the idea of finding “the one” and seeming normal by having a romantic partner. When I did, it was like a weight was lifted. Suddenly, the extra insulation around my stomach and my comparatively larger ass was no longer an issue to me because I stopped fretting over whether I would be checked out by someone or be found attractive. Then came the thought – should I care about my looks, if not for a generic person to be attracted by me, then at least for my satisfaction? Cue: Penelope. I am not unhealthy (by God’s Grace). I am only slightly unattractive to look at. Once you get to know me, I happen to be a very nice person. This means that whatever differences exist between my body and my mental image of what ought to be, is only because of the unrealistic standards I’ve set for myself owing to my misinterpretation of media’s objective and other factors that have little relevance in my life. This means, it’s merely a question of self-acceptance. “I like myself the way I am”. I’m curvy and I love it. My skin is not soft, but I love it anyway. My hair is not straight or easily styled, but I love it anyway. 30 years from now, my skin will be wrinkly, and my hair will be gray/non-existent. I may have a “dad bod” and things may sag. In spite of all that, I love myself. To quote @thegoodadvicecupcake “Look into the mirror and tell yourself: I am f*cking hot”.

It would be foolish of me to say that stop hoping for romance and hot sex, because it is something we are conditioned to want. When I have a weak moment regarding the acquisition of a means to satisfy my love/lust, I run this particular movie scene through my mind:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GyM_hp935o&feature=youtu.be

This gives me hope to wait for someone who would “like me just as I am“. If I’m not good enough for you, tough. This may seem a bit like pushing the “love yourself first” propaganda. But you know what? Try it. You’ll realise that all this while you have been missing out on a lot of happiness and contentment you could have had, had you just thought deeply about what you truly want. I did, and believe me – my bathroom scales might tell me I haven’t lost any weight, but my mind is certainly lighter.

On that note, I leave you with one last advice – Love yourself, and happiness will follow. Happiness may not look like what you imagine right now, but when happiness does come into your life, the difference won’t matter.

Until next time.

#self love #self acceptance #penelope #bridget jones #love

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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 7 years

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Thor: Ragnarok review

Thor has had the worst track when it comes to the MCU. His first outing was an okay-at-best adventure that took place with a cast of boring, unfunny humans instead of on Asgard where cool shit happened. When you start out your trilogy with someone like Kenneth Branagh directing and even he can’t make it cool, you know you’re in trouble. Then we come to his appearance in The Avengers, where he does decent but still gets outshone quite a bit by the rest of the cast. Then we get to Thor: The Dark World, one of the worst superhero films ever made… the less said about it the better. Then comes Age of Ultron and Thor’s overall role is negligible, especially with his weird cave dream sequence which doesn’t amount to too much. All of this build’s Thor up as one of the least-interesting Avengers, which is a damn shame, because Chris Hemsworth plays the role with such charm and enthusiasm, it’s sad to see his efforts go to waste…

...And then comes Thor: Ragnarok, and it blows all that bullshit out of the water by doing a soft reboot to the whole Thor series. Sure, the bullshit before is still canon, but Thor got dumped by his human girlfriend so we don’t need to put up with those fucks anymore, the movie takes place mostly in the cosmos which were the best parts of the other Thor movies, and best of all we have a director who knows what we want to see and gives it to us with cheesy 80s and Jack Kirby aesthetic: Taika Waititi. More than anyone before him, he seems to really GET what makes Thor so cool in the first place, and what makes comic book movies cool in general. The other Thor movies are naught but a whimper to this film’s epic Led Zeppelin metal scream. But how? How did this film fix the fatal flaws of the films that came before?

First let’s give you a rundown of the story: It has been two years since Thor has left Earth. His girlfriend has dumped him, he has found no Infinity Stones, and as soon as he returns to Asgard he finds out Loki has hijacked the throne and hid his father, Odin, on Earth. And just when things don’t seem like they could get any worse, Odin dies and releases the wicked Hela, his firstborn child who was banished long ago for being an evil bitch. She makes it to Asgard and starts trying to dominate everything, while Thor and Loki end up on the planet of Sakaar… though Thor is stuck fighting in gladiator battles while Loki, who through temporal bullshit showed up a week earlier, has sucked up to the grandiose ruler known as the Grandmaster and landed himself in a cushy position. Soon enough Thor is up in the gladiator arena against his old pal, the Hulk, and from here Thor tries to figure out how he can get back to Asgard and whoop Hela’s ass. Can the mighty Thor manage this impossible feat, or is Ragnarok finally upon him?

The reason this movie works so well is that the film has moved away from dull Earth settings and into cosmic realms with a heavy 1980s sci-fi and Jack Kirby influence. Earth was not a very interesting setting for a character who is supposed to be a mighty physical god; the earlier films never really played to his strengths, as evidenced by the main villains being meek and unimposing in comparison to a swaggering viking like Thor. This is not much of a problem here, where all the foes Thor matches up against are more than able to measure up. Over the course of the film he does battle with the fire demon Surtur, his evil death goddess sister Hela, and of course the not-so-jolly green giant himself, Hulk. These are foes that actually give Thor a realistic challenge, and while there are obviously still scenes of Thor fighting mooks, there are actually antagonists that can put up solid fights themselves. It’s a real breath of fresh air!

Speaking of the characters, and continuing on with how moving away from the structure of the old film’s was a good thing… the previous supporting casts of the Thor movies were one of the greatest weaknesses. They were good actors (and Kat Dennings) in awful roles. But in THIS film, we get a supporting cast worthy of Thor! Gone is the dull Natalie Portman and the horrendously unfunny Kat Dennings characters that have bogged down the films in the past! Say hello to the new supporting cast of characters, with the badass Valkyrie and the charming goofball Korg! Valkyrie is an awesome, badass, worthy partner for Thor, who has a solid backstory and good characterization for her first film. Korg is just an absolutely lovable doofus; played by Taika Waititi himself, he exists mostly to add a bit of levity to the proceedings, which is easy to do as he is a hulking rock monster with a very soft, pleasant voice. These two are highlights of the movie, worthy newcomers and allies to Thor, and I hope they pop up more in the future. The interactions they could have if they meet up with the Avengers would be astounding.

Of course, we also have villains to take into account here, and it’s a bit of a mixed bag. Not in terms of quality mind you, because the performances are all well-done, it’s just that the villains tended to be underutilized. Hela is the chief example; yes, she has plenty of scenes where she’s badass, Cate Blanchett is perfect as her, and by fucking god that scene where she kills all the valkyries in flashback is one of the most gorgeous scenes I’ve ever seen in superhero cinema. But she’s a bit underutilized and barely deals with Thor until the very end of the film after their brief meetup. Still, she gets some cool fight scenes, so it does even out a bit, I just feel she deserved some more attention, especially with her interesting backstory. Surtur is quite a victim of this problem too, as instead of serving as a big bad, he’s relegated to a plot device after his defeat in the opening – a plot device I shall not reveal any spoilers on. Needless to say, he’s cool in his appearances, but he could have done a lot more. Thankfully, these two characters could possibly return, as their final scenes do leave things a bit open-ended.

But there is one antagonist who I can heap nothing but lavish praise upon: The Grandmaster. This is Jeff Goldblum dressed in the gaudiest clothing imaginable just… Jeff Goldbluming it up. He is absolutely perfect, hilarious, delightfully weird… it is everything I could have wanted from Jeff Goldblum in a Marvel film. There is not a single scene he’s in that’s unenjoyable, and I can’t wait for him to show up again so he can potentially interact with his equally scene-stealing weirdo brother, The Collector. Benicio Del Toro and Jeff Goldblum weirding it up onscreen together… It would be the stuff legends are made of. But yes, Goldblum, he’s a highlight of the film.

Now on to the returning characters: Odin is okay. Anthony Hopkins does a great job playing Loki pretending to be Odin, but his death scene is a bit rushed when taken out of context of the Thor series as a whole. It starts so near the beginning and wraps up the arc from the previous Thor film so quickly I just ca- oh, wait a second, Thor: The Dark World sucked ass, so why do I care if it’s stupid plot points get thrown out the window? Then we have Loki, who here just goes through the heel-face revolving door so many times it’s hard to really tell whose side he’s on at any given moment. As usual, his interactions with Thor are fantastic and enjoyable; they really do feel like bickering brothers who deep down do love each other, and Loki also gets some of the most hilarious moments during the Thor vs. Hulk gladiator fight. He’s solidly done, and Tom Hiddleston also gets a few scenes where he gets to ham it up, which is a big plus.

And then we have Doctor Strange, in a very brief cameo appearance that builds off the stinger of his film… and this scene is fucking awful. It’s supposed to be some goofy, lighthearted jokiness but it’s just so forced, awkward, and shoehorned into the film; it’s clearly only there to beat you over the head with the fact this movie takes place in a shared universe with other heroes. To be perfectly frank, the entirety of Thor and Loki’s trip could be cut out of the film with zero effect on the plot. It is just utterly irrelevant fanservice. The joke about Loki falling for thirty minutes though, that was funny, and it almost makes the scene worthwhile. Credit where credit is due, I laughed.

And now, the big one: Hulk. This is Hulk’s absolute best film appearance yet. He talks, he gets some personality to him, he gets good chemistry with Thor, and all his fight scenes are a blast, finally pitting Hulk against worthy foes (hey, he and Thor both finally get to fight people who are a good match)! And if you think Hulk’s the only one getting in on the fun, Banner shows up too and gets in on the fun; after two years stuck in Hulk form, Banner is a bit loopy, and gets tons of goofy, manic lines and great chemistry with Thor. Ruffalo is at the top of his game here; let’s see him keep this up in his next appearances.

Every fight scene is awesome, the score by Mark Mothersbaugh is awesome, every time “Immigrant Song” kicks up it’s the absolute peak of awesome… there’s nothing about this film that doesn’t scream “AWESOME!” Okay, well, there are a few things, as I’ve mentioned, but the pros heavily outweighs the cons. The awesome 80s Saturday morning cartoon sci-fi aesthetic fits Thor like a glove, giving him an enjoyable identity rather than the gloomy, overwrought, and often half-baked tone that has plagued his films in the past. This is a Thor film worthy of being a Thor film, and while I can’t say this is Marvel’s best film yet (I still like the Guardians of the Galaxy films and Civil War more), this is easily top ten best Marvel movies material, and one of this year's finest superhero films, and this is a damn good year for superhero movies! This one gets a recommendation for me, especially if you love throwbacks to the awesomely trashy and cheesy 80s sci-fi of the 80s… and boy fucking howdy do I love that shit.

This is science fantasy at its most fun, and I pray to all the gods of Asgard that Taika Waititi gets to keep the reigns of Thor for the foreseeable future. This man knows how to show us a good time; let’s let him keep doing it for a while longer. We need a bit more making up for the first two crappy Thor films, y’know?

#Review #Movie review #Disnovember #Thor #Thor: Ragnarok #Marvel #MCU #comic book movie #Hulk #Jeff Goldblum #superhero #superhero movie #Loki #Hela #Asgard

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fictionallyattractive · 7 years

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Kids Just Gotta Have Fun

[See First Chapter For all Warnings and Information] [Can Be Read in Original Format Here on AO3 ♥]

Chapter 2: I Started It

He saw the video; well, he saw one of the many of them, his broken gaze trying not to cringe at the sloppy way he moved. Foolishly stumbling when his shoulder was seen crashing into another- their twitch of rage so obvious when he Izuku watched himself get jostled back, body flailing shamefully as his balance came crashing down so easily.

So grossly, he thought with a twinge of his nose.

Izuku Midoriya held back a sigh, chewing the end of his pencil just as his phone was placed against the hard surface of his desk in the silence around him. Silence, yes, but he was sure they were all doing the same thing.

All rewatching and rewinding the same scenes again and again like movies on premiere day while he sat back and hoped to god no one made it priority to even ask about the sporting lump on the side of his aching face.

Hell, even Izuku wondered about it, his fingers tempted to feel its shape again as he absently tapped the eraser to his healing cheek; it no longer throbbed to the tap, no longer had a pulse under the black where he chewed to test the waters of the lingering tension that drew up his frown swiftly.

Emerald green poked out from the edges of the hood he wore tight around the frame of his jaw like a disguise, chin resting on the grey surface as the time for his lecture began to draw to its close. And it dragged out forever, Izuku groaned, the light of his screen no longer keeping his focus after the disappointment struck hard.

It only made his head duck lower. His pride hiding far underneath the drunken antics portrayed like actors on camera. But they weren't actors- they were his friends and classmates- all parading around so dumbly for the audience they never would have known they had until Izuku watched himself again and again flop over into Katsuki Bakugou's arms before that fight and get tossed aside like a lump on a log.

That part was almost funny.

Forested eyes met with the stiff walk of a shadow that brushed closer to his seat, their crisp uniform sparing the sounds of shifting fabric just as Tenya Lida plopped firmly into the seat beside of him almost cautiously before emitting a curious hum at the sight Izuku wished he'd never seen.

Let's get back to the part where he was stuck watching himself crumble in the arms of his friends- passed off onto Mezo Shoji after Katsuki refused to fall victim to something that made Izuku want to die.

"Your face-!" He heard Tenya gasp with his glasses focused heavily on the enormous knot he tried to hide with a flushed swallow. It was killer on his throat, all these panicked shouts, moans, and groans and all. "It's true!"

The noise was the ultimate alarm; if all eyes hadn't been on him from the moment he walked in, they saw him then. Well, that was an utter lie. It was dramatic to even say they all saw him. He wasn't important enough to be stared at like a piece of art among the lectured students all numbly observing their notes and powerpoint Mr. Aizawa left up for long as he stared off into space like the rest of them.

They didn't really care too much, but a few eyes stopped to watch it unfold- their snorts of laughter making their teacher roll his eyes at the disturbance Izuku jolted over and jerked the hood tighter to his cheek.

What if Ochako saw him like this? Or his mom?

"I-It looks so awful-"

Please, stop.

Tenya grimaced, his hands falling flat on his thighs as though taking the hint that every word he spoke was slowly stirring the pot of shame brewing under Izuku's jacket. It was a slew of heated pink, the rushing drive of nervousness causing the boy to stammer over his careful words.

"T-Thanks, I guess."

Tenya forced out a smile. "It will heal over in no time," He tried to be kind, his broad cheekbones making his expression almost so hard to tell if his mood was serious. Hard to suggest if what he spoke was the truth or if he was putting up another farce just to see a hint of comfort appear on his close friend's face after he soured it so swiftly. "Though, when I heard you got hit...I didn't think it was so bad."

Oh, really?

Izuku swallowed. "You heard about it?"

"A-Among a lot of other things, yes!" His tone moved to a tense murmur as he eyes averted to the barren screen scrolled before them as class was practically over before they knew it. The motion around them acting as the perfect cover that Izuku desired when his hood was lowered from the pudgy frame of his grown face.

The whole campus would know by now. They would have seen the victory of rage when Inasa Yoarashi left him battered to the floor.

Forget decking the halls- he'd decked Izuku's face good enough for the season, and was probably feeling rather proud of it right then even as the victim thought back on it. Replaying it. Well, parts of it.

Even if he wanted to forget about it- he wanted to see it first. It was all a blur, forgotten as he watched the whole party happen again before his very eyes in motion blur and in crappy quality that even Tenya had to squint over behind his tipped glasses struggling to see what it was Denki tried to show through his snapchat that night.

Back to Mezo holding Izuku up like a baby as he steadied the boy's arms by the grip on his shoulders- the stronger male's body the only thing that kept Izuku from tumbling back out like a light with the appearance of silvery saliva dripping from his lips like he were about to vomit.

Watery-eyed, his own grave dug at that very moment as Denki mocked him- laughing. But it was harmless compared to the twist in Izuku's gut as he stared at it now, hating only himself for how he latched onto Mezo again just as he tried to play it off cool.

"Just kill me-" Izuku groaned as he lowered his phone back under the table, rubbing his eyes cautiously to avoid the knot that became almost impossible to forget. And Tenya's head dipped in apology. "Is every video going to be like this?"

He started out from his desk, lips feeling ultimately dry as his shame took all the energy he had left over from recovering that morning. The process of ridding himself of that immense headache worse than any pain of his life until he'd found an enemy far more demanding and taxing.

True, he could say college, but Izuku felt that admitting his awkwardness and cowardice over a little brawl was somehow even more grotesque at that second.

"Perhaps you should just stop watching them then."

"I can't."

Tenya seemed to be in awe, his muscled figure walking alongside his best friend through the exit of the classroom and leading into the hall in the filtered rays of sun Izuku hid from gutlessly. Cowardly.

Unfairly, it felt as though Tenya stole all the dignity out form under his feet. His coaxing guidance expected to be prized- leading he and his classmates like a herd of sheep to make sure they weren't all purging their insides in public bathrooms from a round of shots. Or getting caught up with a few strangers behind closed doors Izuku didn't want to even begin opening.

It was a chapter in his life he never wanted to read into, or even wonder about as his lips tingled from the sudden realization that he'd never even tried to be curious before in his life until there was no one to tell him what to do, or how to behave.

Tenya didn't need that advice. He was morally upstanding, his heart in just the right place when he swung a strong hand across Izuku's shoulder and grinned broadly even against the rays of light beaming upon them both in the hall's opening to the entrance way.

"E-Even though I was there," The scholarly student began somewhat nervously as his glasses smoothed up his nose and back into place. His knuckles seemed to go a little tighter too. "I don't think I will be seeing myself in any of those videos or pictures."

"You didn't do anything stupid?" Izuku huffed out, slightly breathless- the incredulous concept that Tenya would have ever been caught dead fumbling around with anything so dangerously shameful suddenly not so hard to swallow as he watched the world around him sail out into vast green and brick.

It was breezy out, the freshness of the air almost a wondrous relaxer as it flooded their bodies in the clearing Izuku meandered slowly when lowering his gaze to ground-level to play it safe.

A five minute walk across campus, and, boom, he would be back in his dormitory like nothing happened. Back to hiding in the shadows to watch Netflix in place of the studying and essays he always postponed with grave remorse.

"No way!" Tenya had nearly shouted, his hand grasping his chest. "I would never-"

Was it too late for him to take back what he'd said? No, but he didn't have to. Tenya meant no harm, Izuku thought, his eyes blinking as his lips curled into a tender smile when Tenya's face went a little lively with a timid blush.

"I promise you that I did nothing of interest at that party, and- and- I can prove it to you somehow!"

It was the happiest he'd felt all morning between the migraine and the swelling. His thoughts tearing carefully away from the misery and into the mere thought of Tenya possibly tumbling into someone's arms like he did.

Or, better yet, passing out with only the gentle lines of marker left to illustrate the real look of artistic embarrassment that brought a bold snicker into the cowering student's precious face as Tenya felt as though he'd managed to lift even one weight off his friend's shoulders.

That was what he longed to do above anything else as his head dipped in a nod again, bowing kindly as he stopped in his tracks to make his exit apparent.

"If it makes you feel any better," He added before giving Izuku's wounded face a onceover. "I bet Shoto is very grateful for what you did."

Come to think of it; Izuku hadn't even thought about that the whole time- and it was possibly the thing that may have mattered the most. His head blanked just listening to Tenya's words, dry lips folding together just as he caught a deep breath and reminded himself of just who they were talking about though.

Shoto Todoroki, a painted picture in his head that lie scarred on the left and average on the right- above average just sounded too weird to admit even in his wild thoughts. He was stoic, facially unable to seem interested until the bicoloured glow of his eyes came to life like fireflies.

Ranked so high up that it paralyzed Izuku to be near him- his smooth voice like an unspoken command that made Izuku shroud himself in fear before ever even taking that first stride into place before his classmate.

Speaking a few times didn't make them friends, but Shoto actually seemed invested in becoming just that. They didn't speak much, but, then again, he didn't really speak. There was silence, peace, and yet he communicated in few words while Izuku just felt himself unravel just watching Shoto scan a few lines from their homework so numbly.

This was a guy on the Dean's list who was being compared to Izuku wasting his night on a couch with Ochako watching sitcom reruns and sci-fi premiere shows on Netflix. It was like measuring a champion Olympic victor to the world's fattest man record holder, and it made Izuku's brow twitch before feeling his jaw tense and the injury throb.

"You really think he would appreciate me just jumping in like that?" Izuku groaned. "It might seem like I thought he needed saving."

"Did you?" Tenya questioned, his interest piqued just as Izuku thrust his arms into a sudden shrug that made even passerby snicker without context.

"I don't know why I did anything last night!"

His pocket buzzed, the tender quake of his jeans making Izuku flinch just as Tenya gave him that undeterred sigh of persistent wonder. It was an unraveling mystery, their heads warping into the back of their drunken conscious just to begin questioning..everything.

As he uncovered the cell from the fabric, Tenya had begun shifting about in his bag, biding his time to say goodbye as Izuku saw the words of warning wrap his phone's screen instantly. A pleading notification that made his face grow hot as it read, in the loudest, silent, way possible:

Snap From: Ochako ♥ [Today: OH MY GOD, I HEARD ABOUT YOUR FACE.] [I MEAN THE FIGHT D': ]

Regardless, the first message left him snickering, the untamed heat spreading within his cheeks. The flash of relief upon sagging eyes almost worth the pain it gave him to let his jaw go slack. She added the heart to her name, not him, he reminded himself with a deep sigh. No reason to feel so worried or to start melting.

Even if Ochako did make it sound like a joke, somehow, it was tugging light into his heavy chest. His breath adjusting into a puff of exhausted memories and swirling thoughts that drug him down until he tilted up his chin and phone in unison to aim the screen toward his trophy of war.

Tenya didn't notice; he was fidgeting with one of his bag's pockets. His eyes averted from the way Izuku tipped the camera at the achingly bulging part of his mouth and nose as it jutted out like a stone from his facial structure in gross, molded, purple before he ran his fingers absently against its line of yellow starting to run along its edges.

That's where his snap caught. That perfect glimpse of the healing rainbow skirting his hood where Tenya's face bobbed just out of frame- luckily. The guy hated publicity of any form- every picture with his mug that got posted immediately being taken down after many a harsh complaint.

Snap Sent To Ochako ♥ : [The Bullseye! ^^; ]

The photo embarrassed him as soon as it sent; it was viewed on sight, and his skin crawled with anticipation just seeing her reaction playing in his head. Wondering how many people her phone would be passed around to just to see how Izuku's nose looked almost deformed from the blow.

The target was drawn on, and he just needed a few enemies to take aim at the perfect circle sketched right on his grotesque skin painted in blue.

Tenya coughed, clearing his throat with a slow bow as he stood at attention for Izuku to direct his eyes at the classmate who felt the need to distract him from all the ribbons upon his phone attracting his gaze at that second.

There were so many tags, so many notifications he hadn't wanted to see as his fingers hovered them all one by one curiously, but couldn't bear to see it all without having to choke it all down by force. He'd seen enough idiocy for the night.

Snap From Ochako ♥ : [Netflix?? :D ]

He would never get that feeling off of his skin. Shoto Todoroki felt the shiver creep up his body again, the daunting urge to claw away at his collarbone and arm returning even as it remained so clean and cool to the touch egging him on with a mere glance.

Nothing was going to appear. Not if he stared for an eternity. Not even if he pretended he could still feel how it dripped warmly along his flesh even standing in a paralyzed daze- his cold eyes frozen in place, muscles straining-trembling in disgust that he couldn't forget with all those eyes watching him with grave excitement.

It could have went down much differently, he supposed, forcing the lump in his throat down as he tried not to think about what it must have been like with the chance of two black eyes over the one Izuku probably, definitely, had adorning his face.

Shoto just didn't know what to say about any of it actually. He chose to sit it out, posing boredly on the sofa of a game room like none of it really mattered to him- though it was the only thing plastered to every ounce of his mind. The only thing drawing his attention from the movie the rest of the group had playing while he would have rather done anything else.

"What'd you say to him?"

Shoto lifted his head from his palm as he searched out the source of the voice piping up mildly from the arm of the couch below him. Red hair leaned back, legs crossing as Eijiro Kirishima redirected his vision up toward the half and half hair of his classmate.

And, frankly, it was just his way of changing the topic too. Boredom, a strange thing that made college students go as far as to study instead of enjoy their free time. Or dig into rumours because filmed drama just wasn't as good as the real shit delving deep before his very eyes blinking back in expectance.

Shoto narrowed his brow sharply.

"You think I said something to him first?" He shot back, tone lowered so that the others probably couldn't overhear if they were, in any way, interested in the movie. "Really?"

Eijiro shrugged back his thick shoulders. "I just know he was pissed- man, he really tried to swing at you."

"You know, before Izuku threw himself in the ring." Minoru acted as though he were pummeling the air around him with bare fists, laughing away proudly when he plopped back onto the floor with his vending snacks like he hadn't missed a beat between the conversation action. "I bet that other guy is pissed."

Why did that bristle Shoto so badly?

Hello, flashback where he was cornered, trapped by the beast himself shoving Shoto back defensively as his mouth kept running. His lips kept moving, but Shoto didn't have to hear a damn thing he had to say. A wrath had already eaten him alive- his fist drawn. Throat heavy with the mere bile it took to even swallow a fucking thing Inasa Yoarashi had in mind.

"He's a bad shot," Shoto spoke honestly, head jerking away from the topic as his thoughts wandered over something that didn't settle in his churning gut.

The guys ooed, snickering amongst each other without giving it a second thought. Just a jeer, a small spark igniting the fire, fanning the flames-

"I think you oughta watch it," Inasa smoothed his hoodie forward, standing tall as his hands rested flat on his sides then. No fight. No aggression as Shoto halted in his tracks to glare back. "Because I think you think you're better than me."

Shoto shook his head, sweat glazing his palms as they squeezed the arm of the chair when Eijiro no longer faced him, and just shoveled more food into his mouth next to his buddies. He buried his final words in popcorn, screwing around his phone to forget whatever it was he did to make him go so quiet when the party even breached the conversation that made even Shoto go blind to the scenes before him.

Shoto Todorki had stopped, alcohol breathing fire from his lips, hands reaching back as he didn't hesitate- didn't stop to feel the cloth of Inasa's jacket on his palms when he slammed him back into the crowd behind him in a loud yelp.

His boots dug into the floor, the lash of the other male's hands reaching for his shoulders evident as he still felt the world under his feet spinning when the sentence still ghosted his remorseful tongue.

He gave him a chance to back down- why didn't he just back down?

"I am better than you."

"I gotta go, yo," Eijiro spoke to his friends, standing up from the floor with his bag sliding along his back when he moved away in a wave. Another one cast back at the flustered Shoto who only grunted in response as he too shuffled out of the common area in shame from the crowd.

#bnha #My Hero academia #MHA #Midoriya Izuku #todoroki x midoriya #katsuki bakugou #kirishima eijirou #bakugou x kirishima #todoroki shouto #tenya lida #uraraka ochako #shouji mezou #aizawa shouta #kids just gotta have fun

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agrestenoir · 7 years

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some ladynoir stuff

chat noir will drape himself over ladybug’s lap during the downtime on their nightly patrols and moan about how awful plagg is just for some head scratches from ladybug (let’s be honest, plagg taught the kitty well; complain and receive cheese/ladybug)

they once spent an afternoon atop the notre dame after an akuma attack critiquing civilian’s fashion choices. both learned that their partner has excellent taste in fashion.

ladybug: “oh my god is that a man bun? those things should be burned.”

chat noir: “who the hell wears crocs anymore? they look like shit, and they make your feel smell. god, shoes have three deciding factors: quality, price, and style. crocs have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and being ugly. it’s quite a feat for one shoe to suck this much. i will judge anyone who wears crocs.”

ladybug uses chat noir as a mannequin to measure some of her designs during their downtime.

there are frequent arguments over akuma names because some are too stupid to say aloud. ladybug believes in creativity and free will and vows to let the akumas keep the names they declare themselves with. chat noir files petitions to change many of them because he absolutely refuses to admit he nearly got beat by a Mr. Pigeon.

if ladybug and chat noir are literally anywhere together outside in public without an akuma, someone’ll always ask, “are you two together? are you on a date?”. chat has to hold ladybug back from clobbering them.

during their stakeouts, chat noir sings “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” and has gotten to 1 before, even though it usually ends up with him getting pitched off a roof.

one early morning, there was an akuma battle, and chat noir learned that ladybug has bad bed head. he makes sure to keep a comb in his pocket now at all times for whenever there’s an early battle, and ladybug doesn’t have time to fix her hair before going to school. she doesn’t say it, but she’s really thankful. (also really jealous because tikki, pockets, give me pockets, god fucking damn it)

one time there was a mermaid akuma in the seine and chat noir fell in the water and revealed he couldn’t swim. ladybug saved him and made him take swimming lessons. nothing beats coming to sunday morning swimming lessons and finding one of paris’s famous superheros with floaties and a kick board.

you can bet your ass that ladybug constantly makes “a cat to water” jokes every second she can.

ladybug keeps a tally of how many puns chat noir makes. his gets to 162 in one night before she sets a limit of 10 puns per day. he breaks it all the time and has to wear the Collar of Shame™ for the rest of the day, which is black collar with a huge pink bow. (ladybug thinks he secretly likes it).

chat noir actually hates ladybug’s puns and buys her the “Punning for Dummies” book for Christmas.

she gets him “31 Ways Not To Be A Douchebag”.

ladybug doesn’t actually know how to use a real yo-yo. chat noir laughs for two weeks.

ladybug and chat noir regularly attend movies as themselves because no one really knows why the superheroes are going to the movies, but it probably means there’s an akuma or something equally bad so let’s just not go. it just means they get the best seats every time.

sometimes when they’re really tired and stressed out, and ladybug is being bossy and chat noir is fed up with hearing it, he’ll say, “okay, deborah” which causes her to pitch him off the eiffel tower.

chat noir can never get into a hammock. he always flips over every time he tries to get on one.

one time ladybug flubbed a back handspring, and the news stations got it live. chat noir plays it on repeat for a week.

#miraculous #ladynoir #ml headcanon #headcanons #hc #ladybug #chat noir #my writing

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iamcinema · 6 years

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IAC Reviews #005: Await Further Instructions (2018)

I've been on the prowl for a film that gives me vibes like Would You Rather or Cube again. There's something about the isolation, paranoia, and mistrust that can make for a quality watch. So going into this, I was expecting a type of game to be played at the expense of someone else suffering in the process and the title alone made think about something you'd see on Adult Swim.

So how did our time waiting for instructions go?

Await Further Instructions in One Gif:

Okay. Let's take things back a bit.

Have you ever hated a pack of characters that were so unlikable that you got excited over the prospect of them dying? I'm not even saying that in the sense of having genuinely good villains that brought you blissful satisfaction over them getting their comeuppance either. I mean truly god awful characters that are just so annoying, meanspirited, and hateful that seeing them get written off make up the only enjoyable scenes period - like, that's how much they fucking suck.

Aside from Nick and Annji, nobody is likable or even remotely pleasant; not even in the way, as I referenced with Would You Rather, where you had deplorable scumbags either enacting terrible things onto others or having no real shame, remorse, or second thoughts about what they're about to inflict on the other person. There, you could at least have some fun with characters that you loved to hate. Here, you just have characters you hate and just about any scene that isn't focused on the two of them alone is one of constant stress.

Usually, for me, when it comes to movies with characters who sole purpose just seems to infuriate you, the tipping point takes a while for that to show. It's a true labor love to culminate that one character that feels like a cosmic punishment, and it's not very often that just them breathing or the first sentence that comes out of their mouth proves that first impressions really are everything.

To be brief, Nick's family likes to lay it on super thick about their beliefs and aren't shy to tell Nick that he's the problem, as he hasn't come home in years, or make it clear Annji isn't welcome in their house. Yeah, they're that perky charming bunch. I was hoping that with one of them, they'd be that kind of person with some sort of secondary trait to them, even if it's negative; like that hateful bigot who happens to be uncomfortably charismatic or the sleazy womanizer who is just the perfect amount of being an arrogant monster that makes you want to hate and love him.

A good example here would be Kate, Nick's younger sister. She's written as the clichéd, bigoted bitchy type of character who stirs the pot the most and starts much of the conflict with Annji (next to Granddad, who seems to take joy in it). Her only other real defining characteristic is that she's expecting, which you think would give her more depth or sympathetic... but it doesn't - even when the stakes are drastically raised. It just leaves you feeling like "Okay...and?", and not much else. Perhaps if there was a tipping point where she had a change of heart or did something admirable that she'd garner anything resembling a pat on the back, but still no.

This ends up being the case for the rest of Nick's family as things progress. There's no character development, their motives are confused as shit, and there's never really a true point where you see any of them make a solid path forward. You'll see a nudge in the right direction where you think you'll see someone do anything remotely productive or helpful to the cause of the group...and yet...take a guess.

A telling moment comes in the form of Kate needing help after shit goes down. Nick makes it very clear that Annji is the only one that can help save her since she works at a hospital - as Scott, her [Kate's] own husband, who also has medical experience, refuses to do anything. Even when it's made explicitly clear that she will die if Annji can't help, they refuse to budge. It's like this whole family has a fucking listening problem, and when the obvious happens, they still refuse to do anything productive to help give them the slightest chance of surviving the night. It's so exhausting to see the only two characters you want to root for who give a genuine shit about what's going on keep getting the run around, only to go through all of that for what?

I hate that I have to keep focusing on characterization here, but it makes up the bulk of the problem I have with this movie. I've rooted for the killer(s) before when it came to this very issue, with characters like Tony from Blood Lake or Alan from Return to Sleepaway Camp being so annoying or irritating that they made finishing the film feel like a chore. But I have never endured a movie so frustrating that I hated five of your seven characters. I don't know if that was the intention or not either. It's one thing to have genuinely unlikable characters due to their actions or motives, but at least give the viewer something about them that at least makes their screen presence one of tolerance or even apathy - not wishing for sweet release that doesn't involve only turning it off.

If it wasn't for this one big fucking problem, then I'd have more interest in the plot and what's going on.

Honestly, if you just focus on the bare bones concept, it's not that bad and is one we've seen variations of before; which is that of a family being trapped in their house on Christmas Eve with no means of escaping or making contact with the outside world as they're receiving ominous instructions and messages of impending death from their television if they don't comply. With that alone, there's many ways you can drive the story and it could be interesting - but this all goes out the window because of the characters. Even with movies like Cube, you have characters that clash and obvious tension there due to their situation and how one of them poses a serious threat to their survival - but that didn't halt the plot or made it feel like pulling teeth to have everyone get their shit together.

Outside that, the only other thing you have to look at would be the special effects. They really aren't that anything too remarkable, at least to me when it's directly in relation to features that are keeping them trapped in the house or what happens if someone tries to escape. The effects in the third act when we get the "big reveal" about whose behind the happenings are just barely that much better. But I'm not sure how much of me feeling underwhelmed is due to being burnt out due to the sheer amount of fuckery we had to out up with to get this far.

Writing this has been a long, exhausting task, and now I'm ready to call it quits here. This was more of a rant than a review, but I feel this is one of those films worthy of such a treatment. It's been a long while since I've felt this tired over a film, and I'm almost offended by how disappointing it was. For the first time in years, I'm giving a single star to each of the only tolerable characters and half a star for the half-way decent idea that got thrown away. Now, I'm off to bed as means to apologize to myself for what I just endured.

Rating 2.5/10

#await further instructions #film #horror #horror movie #horror movies #horror review #iac reviews #2010s horror #2010's horror #netflix horror #uk horror

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it-refused · 7 years

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I couldn’t stop myself from writing another part to the prompt sent in by @grumpyoldsnake where Sans and Papyrus are older and living in a retirement home. I wanted to make it Sansby, so here’s some more.

>>First Part<<

Rating: G

Summary: Grillby moves in to the old folk’s home, but doesn’t really want to be there.

Grillby stood with his family by his car. Sans could see all the way from the front entrance of the old folk's home that he was miserable. His kids could see it, too, even though Grillby was clearly trying to put on a cheerful expression.

Sans had known for a few weeks that Grillby was moving in. He'd been on the waiting list since a month after he decided to give his kids full control of the bar.

Sans rolled down the sidewalk and into the parking lot. Grillby spotted him first, and brightened a tiny bit at the sight of his old acquaintance. Aw. That made Sans feel almost as warm on the inside as he did on the outside going right up to a group of fire monsters.

"hey. big day, huh," Sans said.

Grillby nodded.

"probably could use some help moving in."

"Any we can get," Grillby's daughter said.

"i bet," Sans said. There was a slight awkward pause. Maybe Papyrus would want to help. "fired up about the big move?" he asked Grillby.

".........it's..." He struggled to find a neutral way to describe how he felt about it. "......a big change."

"Once you settle in, you'll love it, Dad," his daughter said. "Lots of your friends are here."

Her overly cheerful tone made it a struggle for Sans to keep from rolling his eyes. Grillby must have noticed the lights in his eye sockets shoot up for just a second. Grillby flickered in amusement.

It didn't really matter that moving to the "Old Home" (As Asgore had originally called it, before it was built) was the best choice. The kids were nervous about Grillby living alone after his illness. There wasn't room in his place for any of them, and he didn't want to move in with them and intrude on their lives. He could slowly recover someplace less isolated. Even if it was the best choice, that didn't make it a happy one.

Sans remembered when he first realized he had to take a short cut down the stairs or he was trapped in his bedroom. He had permanently moved onto the couch. Papyrus had been right that a lumpy sofa wasn't the healthiest place to sleep. They'd looked into fixing up the whole house for Sans' chair - Alphys had volunteered to help - but moving had been the smarter option. Still, it had sucked.

Sans sent a message to his brother: grillbz' big moving day's today. hope he doesn't feel too boxed in here.

Papyrus contacted Undyne and she was over in minutes, excited to have the chance to show she was just as in shape as ever.

Grillby and his family managed to get one box inside the apartment each before Papyrus and Undyne had carted everything else in.

Grillby took out a tin of cookies he had brought with him for his family and shared it with everyone. Sans appeared again to help just when they got to that part of moving day.

"...thanks for your help," Grillby said, sarcastic, as Sans grabbed a hefty share of the cookies for himself.

"anything for you, grillby," Sans said, winking. "and you're welcome."

Most of Grillby's friends weren't in the Old Home. Doggo was there, and some other old customers, but Sans' didn't think Grillby was bosom buddies with Doggo. The monsters he met with before work for breakfast and the monsters he made birthday cakes for - they all lived elsewhere.

Did he think of Sans as a friend? Maybe, but more from the attrition of years of close proximity than anything like a deep fondness.

It was kind of a shame, actually. Sans liked Grillby. He'd gone to his wedding and he went out of his way to play little pranks on his kids over the years, but they'd never gone bowling or had a personal conversation that wasn't just Sans rambling after too much to drink.

"don't worry," Sans said, to Grillby's daughter, "your dad'll have a lot of people looking out for him here." He wanted the kids to get a move on.

"Oh, wonderful. We want him to be happy here."

He barely repressed another eyeroll. "yeah. he's so bright, even the half-blind monsters will have trouble missing him."

"SANS! OF COURSE WE WILL ALL HELP YOUR FATHER ADJUST SO THAT HE FEELS LIKE THIS IS HIS HOME," Papyrus said.

Undyne nodded. "Next thing he knows, he'll forget ever living anyplace else! Because this place is so much better! He'll be more welcome here than anyplace in his entire life!" She slammed her fist into her hand, sending out an intense shockwave that made all the fire monsters' heads wave around. Papyrus' toupee rustled. "We'll make him happy here, whether he likes it or not!"

Grillby shrunk away from Undyne. He was lucky she still lived in a house with Alphys, so she wasn't set up to follow through on that threat.

"he looks happier already," Sans said.

"Really? FANTASTIC! That's what I like to hear!"

"SO EVEN IF SANS WAS JUST SETTING UP A TERRIBLE JOKE, YOU CAN REST ASSURED." Papyrus had the kids' full attention, and admiration.

"it's getting late," Sans said. "pretty soon we'll all be resting our assureds. heh."

"It is getting late!" Grillby's daughter said. The other kids nodded. She was the only one who had inherited their other dad's easier time being understood, so she tended to speak for the group. They got their things together and headed out.

"If I'm not back for dinner, Alphys will get worried," Undyne said, as she stood up. "God! I'm so freaking lucky to have her!" She grit her fangs and clenched her fists, overcome with love for her wife.

"DID YOU TELL HER WHERE YOU WERE GOING, THIS TIME?" Papyrus asked.

"...shit. She's probably already worried. I just ran out when I got your message!"

Undyne rushed out a couple minutes later, trying to run and send a flurry of texts at the same time.

"she doesn't live here," Sans said.

Grillby nodded, a tiny bit relieved. "......good night, sans." He assumed everyone was leaving.

Sans rolled back from the table. It had been his plan to go, but... "moving day's a pain, right?"

Grillby sighed. He was a couple minutes away from being completely alone in a new apartment, surrounded by boxes.

"lot to unpack." Sans started towards the door and Papyrus stood up and stretched. "eh. screw it and do that later. we've got some cold ones in the fridge with your name on it."

"DON'T ACT LIKE THOSE REPREHENSIBLE BEVERAGES HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME. TAKE THAT 'WE' AND REPLACE IT WITH AN 'I.' THE GREAT PAPYRUS ONLY PARTAKES IN THE HIGHEST QUALITY CRAFT AND ARTISAN ALES."

Grillby shrugged. He didn’t look thrilled with the offer, but he went with them and thanked Sans for the invitation. Cheap beer was better than unpacking. There weren't many things that weren't better than unpacking.

They finished off the beer together. Papyrus took a single sip out of one of Sans' cans and made a face. "WHY DO I KEEP TRYING? IT TASTES JUST AS AWFUL EVERY SINGLE TIME."

"something ale-ing you?"

"NO! I AM GETTING SOMETHING FOR MYSELF TO DRINK!" He stomped over to the fridge.

"this place isn't so bad," Sans said, while Papyrus dug all the way into the back of the refrigerator.

"I LIKED IT RIGHT AWAY!" Papyrus added. "SANS..ADJUSTED."

"...you seem happy now," Grillby said, his thick glasses pointing at Sans.

"it works for me. if it doesn't for you, well, not like your kids locked you in here."

"......it will be fine," Grillby said. He didn't sound confident.

"yeah, either way," Sans said. "hey, bro, let's put a movie on."

"FINE. BUT ONLY IF YOUR GUEST CHOOSES THE FILM OF THE EVENING." He started to whisper, loud, to Grillby, "MY BROTHER HAS SINCERELY AWFUL TASTE. SO, PLEASE?"

Grillby spent his first night in his new home asleep on Sans and Papyrus' couch, a few scattered pretzel crumbs on his shirt.

He and Sans had been friends, but not really, for decades. When Sans went into the living room and found Grillby asleep on his couch, his lava drool slowly burning a hole in Sans' upholstery, he realized how much he'd messed up never trying to get close to the guy. One invitation was all it would've taken.

Sans knew they weren't getting those years back. It wasn't worth the effort, he figured, but he might as well try to make up for lost time.

He slowly went over to the kitchen and got out a bag of marshmallows. He stuck one on the tines of a fork and poked it at Grillby's sleeping head.

#sansby #skelebros #my fic #fanfic #prompts

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randomrichards · 5 years

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MOVIES (THAT MIGHT BE) WORTH CHECKING OUT IN JANUARY 2020:

January 3:

THE GRUDGE

We begin with an attempted reboot of the hit horror flick based on another hit horror film.

Based on the Japanese import Ju-On, the film centres around a curse born from a fit of anger that attacks anyone who dares to enter a house. The pale boy ghost and the contorted woman became instantly iconic, especially when they made that crackling sound. Of course, people in North America are more likely to recognize its remake The Grudge. While not on the same level as its predecessor, the American was still a hit. It has become so iconic that there was a crossover movie where it faces off against the ghost from Ringu.

This time, the target is Peter Spencer (John Cho), a real estate agent who intended to sell a house not realizing it contained the title curse. Believing a homicide occurred, Spencer calls on Detective Muldoon (Andrea Risborough) to investigate. But they fail to realize the curse inside dooms all who enter it with a violent and it’s coming for them.

Here’s another of a long list of Horror remakes Hollywood has been peddling in the last decade. For every good one (It, Child’s Play), there are three times as many failures (the recent ones being Pet Semetary and Black Christmas). I’m not having much hope for this one. It can still be good, but it needs a director with as creative a vision as Takashi Shimizu’s.

THREE CHRISTS

Based on The Three Christs of Ypsilanti by Milton Rokeach, Three Christs tells the real-life experiment involving three men who claim to be a certain savior.

In Michigan’s Ypsilanti State Hospital in 1959, Dr. Alan Stone (Richard Gere) conducts a revolutionary experiment where he brings together three men (Peter Dinklage, Walton Goggins and Bradley Whitford) who each claim to be Jesus Christ. He hopes to use this experiment to force them to confront their delusions. It would certainly be preferable to electroshock therapy.

A real-life story like this comes with a lot of potential. But with the director of Fried Green Tomatoes helming this project, it looks like this will be a typical biopic. This is a shame with 4 great actors working together.

January 10:

1917

Sam Mendes, the director of American Beauty and Skyfall, takes us back to World War One and hopes to enter the Oscar Race with his latest war movie 1917.

Generla Erinmore (Colin Firth) tasks young British soldiers Blake (Dean-Charles Chapman) and Schofield (George MacKay) with a difficult mission. 1,600 of their fellow soldiers are heading into a fatal trap and the two soldiers must deliver a message calling off the raid before tomorrow morning. And one of them is Blake’s brother. Racing against time, Blake and Schofield are forced to rush through enemy territory to deliver the message on time. Benedict Cumberbatch also

The film is already garnering high praise for its gripping suspense and graceful camera. It’s already garnering nominations at the Golden Globe Awards for Best Dramatic Motion Picture, Best Director and Best Original Score. It’s especially getting praise is how it makes the film look like one long camera shot following the two leads through their mission.

CHHAPAAK

All the way from India is a film inspired by real life acid attack survivor Laxmi Agarwal.

This film looks at Malti (Deepika Padukone), a woman horribly scared after an acid attack. The film follows her through her physical treatment and eventual trial. It looks like the core of the film will be her journey of emotional healing, regaining her self-worth with the help of loved ones.

Unless you know films that show Bollywood movies, I suspect this film will be hard to find for many people. Kind of a shame

JUST MERCY

Writer/Director Destin Daniel Cretton (Short Term 12) brings ups the real-life story of a lawyer who battled systemic racism to free an innocent man.

Harvard graduate Bryan Stevenson (Michael B. Jordan) heads to 1980s Alabama to assist advocate Eva Ansley (Brie Larson) to defend those wrongfully convicted. His first and most important case is Walter McMillian (Jamie Foxx), who was sentenced to death for the notorious murder of an 18-year-old girl despite evidence proving his innocence including a group of people who could vouch for him.

As Stevenson works prove McMillian’s innocence and those of other death row inmates, he faces up against an uncaring political maneuvers and systemic racism. But neither he nor Ansley will let this stop them.

Audiences love and underdog story and this one is sure to satisfy, especially with Jordan, Larson and Foxx starring in the film. It’s also sure to offer some catharsis for those frustrated with current systemic racism. But this could by a typical biopic forgotten by the end of the year.

January 17:

BAD BOYS FOR LIFE

I’m going to be brief because I don’t think we’re going to get anything special from this movie. This film is pretty much a checkmark of every plot element you see in every Buddy Cop movie. Cop considering retiring. Check. One last job? Check. Training arrogant young upstarts? Check. A forever disapproving superior throwing a tantrum of our heroes. Check. It doesn’t matter how flashy the trailer is, a cliché is a cliché.

But then again, the original two film were also piling of buddy cop clichés. The only thing they had going for them was Will Smith’s charisma and Martin Lawrence’s over the top delivery. Only the second movie was memorable thanks to some well shot, over the top action scenes. But I highly doubt this one will be memorable when Michael Bay has backed out of the film.

We don’t really need another Bad Boys movie, especially when we have the Fast and Furious series and the John Wick movies.

DOLITTLE

The famous physician who can talk to animals returns in a new reboot. This time the Doc is played by Robert Downey Jr, fresh from retiring his iconic role of Tony Stark after 10 years. It also looks like it will be going back to its roots as a fantasy story set in the Victorian era. There’s not much plot summary to go on, but judging by the trailer, it will have him setting sail on an adventure alongside his animal friends. At the core of the film seems to be his friendship with two kills. Also, among the cast are Jessie Buckley as Queen Victoria and Antonio Banderas as a pirate.

There is an all-star cast voicing the animals, including Tom Holland, Emma Thompson, Ralph Fiennes and Rami Malek just to name a few.

This film seems to rest its shoulders on Robert Downey Jr, hoping his charm will do for Dr. Doolittle what he did for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. But the film lives and dies on writer/director Stephen Gaghan, who is an unusual choice for a family fantasy considering that his resume consists of gritty war movies like Syriana, Traffic and Rules Engagement and crime drama tv shows like The Practice and NYPD Blue. He’s even written for the video game Call of Duty: Ghosts. It’s strange that someone with this resume would be chosen to reboot this franchise. It’s especially risky considering the original attempts to adapt Hugh Lofting books for the big screen. But if Martin Scorsese can make Hugo, there’s a chance Gaghan can make Dolittle work

The first one was a musical that tried to bank on the Sound of Music’s success but was an epic flop. It didn’t help that lead actor Rex Harrison was a notoriously difficult drunk who couldn’t sing. In fact, his behind the scenes shenanigans were way more interesting than the actual movie as proved by Mark Harris’ non-fiction book Pictures at a Revolution. Decades later, 20th Century Fox reboots the franchise was a hit thanks to Eddie Murphy as the title character and a variety of comedic voice actors (especially Albert Brooks, Chris Rock and Norm McDonald) voices the animals. No matter the quality, there’s a weight of nostalgia for both movies with many people growing up with these movies. This film will face the challenge of pushing past the nostalgia.

WEATHERING WITH YOU

From beloved anime writer/director Makoto Shinkai comes another romantic fantasy about two teens.

Teenage boy Hodoka (voiced by Kotaro Daigo) runs away from his isolated island home for Tokyo. Homeless and desperate, Hodoka takes a job as an assistant for journalist Keisuke Suga (Sun Oguri). His job involves finding “The Sunshine Girl”, a local teen girl who can control the weather. He soon finds her in Hina Amano (Nana Mori), a cheerful teen girl living with her brother. He is in awe with her power when she freezes the rain and love soon sparks. But messing with nature comes with a price and soon Hodoka and Hina are fighting to stay together.

Of all the movies on this list, this is the one I’m most excited to see. Once I saw his recent his Your Name, I was in pure awe. Never has a sunset looked more beautiful than in Shinkai’s anime. Every environment in Shinkai’s films enchant you with their vibrant colours and stunning details. Just as beautiful are his fantastical stories of young people growing up. At the core of each story is teens in love kept apart by unusual circumstances, whether it’s distance or time or even being in each other ‘s bodies.

This film’s already a major hit in Japan, which is very encouraging for anime fans.

January 24:

COLOR OUT OF SPACE

And now for something a little weird.

Nathan Gardner (Nicholas Cage) has moved his family to a remote farm to escape city life and live a life of peace and quiet. Then God was like “LOL No!” and sends an asteroid down their way. Then weird shit starts happening, most with colours mutating everything.

With a crew like this, you know you’re getting into some crazy shit. First, the film is based on a short story by H.P. Lovecraft, the inventor of cosmic horror and the man who gave us Cthulhu. Then there’s co-writer/director Richard Stanley, known for his odd genre flicks including Hardware and Dust Devil.[i] And then there’s Nicholas Cage, whose as well known for his scenery chewing Kabuki acting as his acclaimed Oscar-nominated roles. Last year, writer/director Panos Cosmatos found perfect use of Cage’s Kabuki acting in the ultra-stylized revenge masterpiece Mandy. Let’s be honest, the only types of films Cage’s Kabuki acting can work are either stylized, unintentionally hilarious or tongue-in-cheek. With the producers of Mandy working on this film, there’s high hopes it will be deliver on the stylized goods.

THE GENTLEMEN

After remaking Aladdin (and making lots of money in the process), director/writer Guy Ritchie returns to his roots with his latest English crime comedy The Gentlemen.

From what I can gather, the films about an American Pot Dealer (Matthew McConaughey) who plans to sell off his Empire in London when a young gang led by Dry Eye (Henry Golding) starts a drug war. There’s not much plot to go on, but with a Guy Ritchie movie, the plot will be way too complicated to explain. What is guaranteed is that there will be lots of oddball gangsters with weird names, hilarious and gruesome deaths and shit blowing up.

The film features an all-star cast including Charlie Hunnam, Colin Farrell and Hugh Grant continuing his streak of getting his groove back by playing against type.

So far, Ritchie hasn’t made a film that’s reached the same level as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels or Snatch. For the most part, he has been unsuccessful stepping out of his comfort zone. Here’s hoping The Gentleman will bring his back on his A Game.

THE TURNING

This day concludes with a modern take of Henry James’ classic novella The Turn of the Screw.

Kate (Mackenzie Davis) is hired as a governess for care for her boss’s orphaned niece Flora (Brooklyn Prince) and nephew Miles (Finn Wolfhard). But as she cares for them in a secluded mansion, she comes to realize they are being haunted by hostile spirits. Can she protect them for what lies in the mansion?

The film has been remade multiple times, with the most acclaimed one being the 1961 classic The Innocents. This once changes it up by setting it in current times, with a notable scene of Miles creeping Kate out with drums. The film also gives some Conjuring vibes, especially with its cinematography. But it should be noted that similarity doesn’t equal copying and there could be some unique elements in this film.

There certainly is a good chance with director Floria Sigismondi will offer a unique vision. She has already directed episodes of stylized shows like The Handmaid’s Tale, Daredevil and American Gods, but she’s already well known for her stylized directing from her work in music videos. Since Marilyn Manson’s “The Beautiful People”, dilating, jittery camera work has become her trademark, working alongside artists including David Bowie, Bjork, Christina Aguilera, Katy Perry and Justin Timberlake (just to name a few).

January 27:

BEANPOLE

Here’s the film Russia hopes will be nominated for Best Foreign Language film.

Set in Leningrad in 1945, Beanpole centres on Masha (Vasilisa Perelygina) and Iya (Viktoria Miroshnichenko) struggling to trying to rebuild their lives in the ruins of a city demolished by war. At the core of film is the infertile Masha hiring Iya as a surrogate mother.

There’s not much go on, but with the film winning Best Director at the Cannes Film Festival, there’s good prospects for this film. It seems to be a character drama like Roma. Here’s hoping this film’s as quietly engaging as Alfonso Cuaron’s masterpiece.

January 31

THE TRAITOR

We conclude this with an Italian biopic about Tommaso Buscetta, the first Mafia Informant in 1980’s Sicily.

Tommaso (Pierfrancesco Favino) was a member of the Cosa Nostra. Then in 1983, half of his family is killed in a gang war. Now he intends to make them pay using the arm of the law. He knows the mob will do whatever it takes to stop him, but he’s more determined than ever. But as the trials continue, Tommaso will show the rabbit hole goes deeper than the law expected with political figures in the mafia’s pockets.

This is another film that may fall by the wayside, which is a shame because this film seems like a great biopic. It could certainly give overdue attention for director/co-writer Marco Bellocchio, who has remained a criminally overlooked director despite making acclaimed movies since the 1960s.

[i] And being fired from the Brando version of Island of Dr. Monroe.

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