#she asked me how did I placed builds with tool mod

[softle0]

I shared some progress of my London inspired world on Facebook and a the nicest lady commented me about how amazing it looked and how she envied my talent and I was like JALDKALS😭😭❤️❤️ BUTT WAIT, THE MOST AMAZING PART WAS when she mentioned that she’s a 71 years old lady playing sims… omg this truly melted my heartTTTT THIS TOTALLY MADR MY DAY :’))

[swamp-chicken]

distant worlds, ethubs, 2042 words

“You know, I really should have established a timeline for how long I would be your employee,” Bdubs sighs, stocking boxes with enderpearls. “Because I’m sure not doing this forever.”

Etho is sitting at his desk, idly doodling in the corner of his accounting book. “Aw, you’re not?”

Bdubs stretches, cracking his neck. “No! I need to go and build stuff! Make things! I have my own life, you know.”

Bdubs’ pink shorts are riding up a little. Etho tries not to look. “Mmhmm.” he says instead, his go-to when he loses track of a conversation. The doodle on his accounting book is starting to look suspiciously like a series of little hearts. Etho hastily scribbles them out. 

‘You know, you don’t have to sit here and supervise me. I’m not going to wreck your shop or anything.”

“Yeah, but…” But it’s been years since Etho has had Bdubs like this, working at his side. 

Bdubs sighs dramatically. “You don’t trust me?!”

Etho spirals the pen around the page. “You’re a trainee, I gotta keep you on the straight and narrow.” In this case, lying is less pathetic than telling the truth.

Bdubs huffs, but doesn’t argue. They subside back into silence, Etho stifling a smile at the muffled expletive Bdubs lets out when a shulker box closes on his hand. 

The pen travels across the page.

Years ago, a day like this wouldn’t have been so rare. 

 ———

Bdubs was humming and hawing over Etho’s newly-constructed bridge.

“It’s bad,” Etho sighed.  “You can say it’s bad.”

“No, no, no,” Bdubs chided. “No one’s saying that. It just needs a little… umm…“ he rummaged through his inventory, then brightened. “Leaves! Dude, just add some leaves.” He scattered some across the bridge railing with a flourish. “See? Fixes everything.”

Etho hummed, unconvinced. “And then maybe some… trap doors under those?”

Bdubs clapped his hands. “Oh yes, that’ll do it.”

Etho placed the trap doors and stepped back to take in the full picture alongside Bdubs. “I dunno…”

Bdubs’ hand dropped to his shoulder and squeezed. His touch was distractingly warm. “It looks great! Very rustic.” 

Etho tilted his head. It did look a little better than before. 

Satisfied that today’s job was mostly done, he went to go empty his inventory. Bdubs decided to stick around as he worked. He had been doing that a lot more lately. 

Etho put away the final stack of cobblestone and cleared his throat. “There’s actually, uh, something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Oh, yeah?” Bdubs was tooling around on Beyonc, showing off her elegant lines and five-block jump.

Etho watched them circle the area and tried to breathe through his sudden spike of anxiety.“Remember the game we worked on? In the modded server?”

Bdubs kicked Beyonc into a flying leap that landed her on top of Etho’s chest stack. “How could I forget? All those hours wasted!”

“Well, yeah.” Etho chewed his lip. “I was actually thinking of building something like that here. In vanilla.”

“You can do that? With redstone?”

Etho shrugged. “I can try.”

Bdubs snorted. “Friggin’ genius.”

“The thing is, though…”

Bdubs nudged Beyonc forward and she landed gracefully before Etho.

“The thing is though…” Etho continued. “I actually may need help—” 

“I’ll do it,” Bdubs interrupted, before Etho had even finished his sentence. 

“You sure?” Etho hesitated. “I don’t want you to put you on the spot or anything…”

“Of course!” Beyonc reared and Bdubs sat comfortably astride her. “We’ll do it together. As a team.”

It was Etho’s first time leading a big project, so he wanted it to do things right. He chose the location and dug out the area himself. He even decided to build a worker’s shack where he and Bdubs could sleep and store all of their materials. 

In retrospect, Etho thought as he mapped out the floorplan, marking two separate bedrooms for him and Bdubs, he shouldn’t have been nervous about inviting Bdubs to join. Bdubs was a kind person and they had already tackled several projects together.

Etho paused. So kind that he probably felt like he couldn’t turn Etho down. So kind that he unflinchingly put up with all of Etho’s various idiosyncrasies and insistences. So kind that, any time they had a disagreement, he would capitulate with a laugh, easy and unbothered.

“You don’t have to help,” Etho blurted the first time Bdubs came to visit the worker’s shack. 

Bdubs was standing in the doorway of the bedroom Etho had built for him, but still a glimmer of uncertainty crossed his face. “What, you don’t want me here?”

There was a lump in Etho’s throat. “No, I just…I don’t want to force you into anything.”

Bdubs placed his bed down in the room like a declaration. “There’s no forcing.” He met Etho’s gaze and smiled, so warmly that Etho felt it in his chest. “I’m gonna decorate this place so good.”

Etho had worked with Bdubs before, but he had never lived with him. It was different, not having to say their goodbyes at the end of the day.  Instead, they walked back to the worker’s shack side by side, chattering about everything and nothing. It was different, waking up in the morning and finding Bdubs already in the kitchen, sleep-mussed and cooking, asking Etho how he liked his eggs. 

It was different— Bdubs’ toothbrush in the bathroom, the wet puddle after he showered. The flowers that appeared in the windowsill and the laughter that echoed through the halls. Prepared meals, easy company, warm nights of doing nothing much but enjoying each other’s presence.

It was a different kind of torture, Etho learned, having Bdubs so near and liking him so much. He was too kind, making eggs just the way Etho liked, telling stories that made him laugh, helping unflinchingly with the enormous task of building this arena. He was so kind that Etho couldn’t help falling in love with him. 

Nights were the worst, were the time when Etho felt furthest from any semblance of rationality or self-control. Lying in bed, staring through the darkness, he felt hyperaware that Bdubs lay just a short distance across the hall. So kind that he just might let Etho climb into bed with him. 

Etho rolled over and willed himself to sleep. 

Days passed, and then weeks. Spring was pushing into summer and the days were getting hotter. One particular day the heat was so oppressive that it even invaded the underground bunker where Etho had been doing most of the redstone wiring. 

When the sweat started dripping into Etho’s eyes, he had no choice but to take a break. He stood, wiping sweat from his face with his shirt bottom, and took a deep draught from his water bucket.

Bdubs, he knew, was probably even worse off. He was building outside in the blazing sun. Etho decided to check on him. He felt bad that Bdubs was working so hard on a project that Etho himself wasn’t certain they could finish. 

The end of the season had been announced a week ago and since then they had been scrambling to complete the arena before they had to leave this world and go to the next. There was a pit in Etho’s stomach every time he thought about it. This had happened to them last time, and now it was happening on the project that he was leading— the project that he had roped Bdubs into, that they had spent so much time on.

The worst part, though, was leaving their home. Etho didn’t know when he had started calling the worker’s shack home, but he had. It certainly felt more like home than any other place he had built on the server. He couldn’t deny that was in a large part due to Bdubs’ presence. 

He didn’t know what the next world would hold. He didn’t know if he would find an excuse to live with Bdubs again. He didn’t even know if Bdubs would want to work with him again, especially after this project had turned out to be such a thankless grind.

Etho found Bdubs building on the outskirts of the arena. He was shirtless, sweat beading along his shoulderblades. The sight was so overwhelming that Etho almost turned to leave.

Bdubs was grunting with the effort of building a wall, dropping blocks into place. “You don’t have to push yourself so hard,” Etho ventured once he felt more in-control. “I’m not even paying you.”

Bdubs put his blocks down with a heavy sigh. “You think at this point my ego’s not all tied up in this too?”

Etho snorted and drew near. “Good point.” This close, he could see the smile lines crinkling at the corner of Bdubs’ eyes. “Want a break?” He held out his water bucket and a snack. 

“Golden carrots!” Bdubs exclaimed. “You spoil me.”

He took the water bucket first, though, and drank from it deeply. Etho’s eyes were drawn to his throat as he swallowed, to the sweat droplets that chased each other down his torso. 

“Ahh,” Bdubs sighed, refreshed, and Etho snapped his gaze upwards. “Do you mind?” Bdubs asked, gesturing to the water.

Etho shook his head, confused, but before he had much time to ponder, Bdubs was tipping the bucket over his own head, sending water crashing down around him. 

Etho squawked and hopped backwards out of the splash zone.

“Oh,” Bdubs groaned, “Oh, that feels so good.” His hair was dripping, plastered to his head. Water was still sheeting down his body and soaking into his jeans. His eyes fluttered open and he caught Etho’s shocked gaze. He blinked. “You said you didn���t mind!” 

There was a note of petulance in Bdubs’ voice that wouldn’t have been there a few months ago, before they had started living in each other’s pockets. Before Bdubs—before he was comfortable—

Something inside Etho snapped. 

Bdubs lifted the bucket uncertainly, “I can get more water, I didn’t think it would be a big deal.”

Etho carefully took the bucket out of Bdubs’ hands. 

“…Etho?” Bdubs was stepping back awkwardly, falling back on those sloppy forms that had gotten him killed by Etho more than once.

Etho grabbed Bdubs’ hand and Bdubs froze, blinking up at him from under his soaked fringe, eyes soft and worried. 

“You—“ Etho tried. “I—“ His ears burned with embarrassment.

He gave up on speaking and pulled the mask underneath his chin, pressed his lips to Bdubs’ hand.

“Oh,” Bdubs said. So kind that he didn’t pull away.

Etho turned Bdubs’ hand and pressed a lingering kiss to his palm.

“Oh,” Bdubs said again, voice hushed. “You don’t— do you?”

———

Etho wants to reach out, wants to take Bdubs hand, but he can’t. He’s too afraid Bdubs will run through his fingers like water, melt away like he has so many times before.

Bdubs is squirmy that way, surprisingly hard to pin down. One minute he’s swearing his eternal devotion, the next he’s mocking Etho, eyes gleaming with mirth. There’s months and years he’s not even there at all, times when he’s nothing but a sore spot in Etho’s memory. 

That day in the unfinished arena, Bdubs had kissed him. His hair had dripped into Etho’s eyes. Etho hadn’t thought anything of kindness that night when they curled together, Etho’s chin propped on his chest. Bdubs was too busy looking at him like he was a puzzle he had found the last piece to. 

Things change, Etho knows. That world ended, a new one began. Bdubs never kissed him again. 

It can never be like what it once was, Etho fears. Here is too distant from there.

“Done!” Bdubs announces. “Your enderpearls are all sorted. Now can I leave?”

Etho sighs, but he doesn’t have any good reason to keep Bdubs longer. “Yeah, that should be it for today.” 

Bdubs is already packing his inventory. He pauses on his way out the door. “You know, you didn’t even comment on my uniform.”

Etho is caught off guard. “I—I didn’t?”

Bdubs gives a spin. His legs are on full display. “I made it just for you!”

Etho swallows. When he meets Bdubs’ gaze, he winks. “I’ll see you tomorrow, boss.”

[softpine]

aw thank you!! i just gave them one outfit with cc, since it’s the outfit they wear the most often and i don’t want to overload my gameplay save with cc. i have a whole separate mods folder and everything to keep myself in check lol

whenever i get the chance to retcon things and call this time period the 2000s, i take the opportunity 😌 even if it’s just gameplay

we have the same eye color for sure and i can see the nose too! i wish i had his teeth tho 😭 the only picture i have of myself from this angle is when i was drunk off my ass FJSJDKSJ enjoy this cursed image

@maturation​ hmmm not really :( i wrote some tips here for making teenagers look like teenagers, but it’s even harder to make them look like preteens 😭 i think the only time i pulled it off was with casper, and that was really just because he has a baby face without trying. i didn’t even try with asa because he’s so big, i just did a time skip to avoid the whole thing. i’m sorry i can’t help more!! it’s such a huge limitation of the sims :/

hey! i thought i had removed everything by pandasama, but there was actually a file called “animation_injector_changingtable” in my mods folder that was causing problems. delete it, then delete localthumbcache, then reload the game to see if it worked :) otherwise my other problem was an outdated TOOL mod, i thought i updated it but i actually downloaded an old version! (btw, pandasama’s other stuff works fine now, i put it all back after i finished testing. just make sure to update the childbirth mod if you have that)

@moresimming​ omg thank you so much 🥺 not to sound morbid, but making people cry because of my story is the biggest compliment fjksjds media that makes me cry is genuinely my favorite thing, so hearing that i can do the same thing for someone else is awesome. i’m so happy you’re enjoying it!! thank you ;-; 💖💖

yes it’s a main blog!! i would 1000000% recommend creating a new account for your simblr! it’s huuuge for visibility. it would be really hard for people to follow you back if your main blog is the one whose url is showing up; most people won’t go to the effort of clicking on your blog to find out if you have a simblr somewhere else. i created a separate email so that i could keep my personal blog as my main blog, but still have a new account for simblr :) also if you use firefox (which everyone should tbh), you can use the containers extension so that you don’t have to log in and out of your accounts all the time, you can just open them in two tabs!

↓ GHOST STUFF BELOW, trigger warnings apply ↓

right??? that’s the first question i wanted to ask, but honestly i don’t know if i want the answer fjksjds i’ll just choose to believe that ghosts know the concept of privacy 😌

okay it's kinda funny you said this because... well i don't want to give too much detail but i used to live between a historic cemetery, an honest to god abandoned psychiatric facility, and a building that's known to be one of the most haunted places in the state. but i still never felt or saw ANY ghosts. that's why i didn't believe for so long, because how can i be in the freaking bermuda triangle of ghost activity and never see one?? i'm still mad about it lmao, whether i believe in them or not, i've always wanted to see a ghost so bad. especially if they're just lonely! come to me and we can chill lol

oh wow yeah it’s always freaky when people who don’t seem like the type to believe in this kind of stuff tell you stories like this; it adds a new layer of credibility if you can eliminate all other options. like when people are grieving their loved ones, it’s normal to see/hear/smell them everywhere, and when you’re living in that fog of grief, you can mistake a lot of things for ghost activity that are actually just a result of you looking for patterns to make sense of it all. and i still think this is the case most of the time. i remember when my grandma died, my mom was understandably a complete mess, and she was always misplacing things in that time. but to this day, she still claims it was my grandma who was moving her water bottle, turning the stove on, etc. i’m still (and always will be) a very science minded person, so i’m always going to look at the other explanations first. sorry that was a tangent lmao but my point is, it’s always weird when someone down to earth says stuff like this. that would be so sad, but at least he was able to comfort them a little bit :( what an awful way to go :(

[korasonata]

I think this is just what my blog is now. Model streams have taken over. Sorry, not sorry. Favourite moments of Joe and Cleo paper model streams part 5! (Featuring a heavily sleep deprived Joe)

—

Cleo (talking to her cat): Ok. You have had attention. Are you— are you going to go? *pausing* This is the sort of thing I ask Joe. Umm… *laughing*

Joe: Constantly!

Cleo: *laughing* You’ve had your attention, can you go now?

Joe: Can you just not be here. *both laughing*

—

Cleo: Yeah, I have to start gluing things to other things. Badly. And, uh, realizing where I’ve messed up. Which is EVERYWHERE!

Joe: Uh oh.

Cleo (totally not fine): Its fine. It’s fine. I’m fin— how are you Joe?

—

Joe: It makes about as much sense as anything else I do? So…

Cleo: I mean yeah. I mean, I wasn’t gonna say it cause I’m not rude. But, you know.

*both laughing*

Joe: Now you’re just lying to me!

Cleo: *laughing* WOW!! Joe!! My heart is just hurting! Now.

Joe: Mhm.

Cleo: You can tell can’t you, I’m deeply— intensely wounded by that statement that you just made.

—

Joe: I was gonna say, we’re gonna have to call whatever the British version of an ambulance is.

Cleo: Um, I think— and I could be wrong here, the British equivalent of an ambulance is…an ambulance.

Joe: oh, ok that’s really good to know. Cause like, not that I’m planning on getting injured while I’m over there, but like—

Cleo: I mean, if you carry on talking that way you might.

Joe: I mean if I meet you, then there’s a chance that somethings gonna get shoved in my eye or something.

Cleo: Somethings gonna get taken off.

—

Joe: I mean, they say it’s the shotty carpenter that blames his poor tools, but I mean look at this.

—

Cleo (about her bisexual tags on twitch): Hold on, hold on, I need to explain what “visibility” means to bisexuals. Bisexuals are often— um, hidden in the community. They are often, um, not treated as either part of the gay community and the straight community doesn’t really appreciate them either. So, having visibility for bisexuals is very important. As it is for any other place. Also having those tags on your stream show that you are a safe place for those people to go. So, you know, actually labeling those things is important because it shows people that they are not alone. And not being alone? Really important. (To Joe) Sorry, am getting frustrated.

Joe: As somebody who’s been alone for the last year and a half with this stupid isolation, uh, yeah.

Cleo: Yeah! Being alone and not feeling alone is really important.

Joe: If you need to be explained at this point in the pandemic why feeling alone is not good, like I don’t know what to say.

—

Cleo (reading chat): What’s my favourite minecraft mob? Do people have favourite minecraft mobs?

Joe (very tired): Just say whichever mod’s here. Who’s got a sword *scrolling through Cleo’s chat* umm… yeah it’s AnnaBomBanana. Is everyone’s favourite minecraft mod.

Cleo: …moB.

Joe: …MOB! OH!

Cleo: *continuous laughing*

—

Joe: This is gonna go off of the rails further and further. There’s no— there’s no rails anymore! It’s just, somebody has scrawled “here there be dragons” on the ground.

Cleo: I mean, isn’t that pretty much how you live your life anyway?

Joe (high pitched squealing): It kind of is. *laughing continues*

Cleo: You know. Here there be dragons— Sometimes it’s not dragons. Sometimes you might be lucky.

—

Joe: So, like, one thing you can do is after this project you can build tiny dollhouses. And create like a bedroom for each of your tools. And so the knife can just be in the knife room. In the dollhouse. And it can have a knife day.

SILENCE

Cleo: Umm…I’m gonna pretend like what you said made sense.

—

Cleo: I could have said something really nasty then, but I’m not going to. See? I’m growing as a person Joe.

—

Joe: You know what? Hold on, we’re gonna— we’re gonna— at the point where NJ is concerned about my caffeine intake, I’m gonna go get a red bull and I’m gonna take my headphones off before anybody can tell me otherwise, byeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Be right back!!!! *leaves*

Cleo (calling after him): Well done Joe! I believe in you! *narrating* She did not in fact believe in Joe, and was very concerned.

—

Cleo: I know when there’s a bad idea. It’s when Joe has made it. Joe has suggested it, that’s— that’s when you know it’s bad.

—

Joe: I know that there are ways to have computers automatically send invites, but that’s a good way, like, I know there’s a saying like, to error is human, but to screw up like a hundred thousand things all at once—

Cleo: That’s the Joe Hills Difference.

—

Cleo: Ugh, I feel like poop today.

Joe (genuine): I’m sorry.

Cleo (tiredly): No, that’s ok…(groggy) I’ll torment you…later…it’ll make me feel better…

Joe (equally as tired): Yay!

—

Joe (about Cleo and Xisuma): But Cleo, you’re the responsible adult in this scenario, so yeah you probably should have some answers.

Cleo: X is almost as old as I am.

SILENCE

Joe: …it’s a maturity gap?

Cleo: *laughing* Is that why I’m here with you?

Joe: …no.

Cleo: *laughing*

Joe: I say very confidently.

—

Joe (teacher voice): Quantum mechanics is a fundamental theory in physics that provides a description of the physical properties of nature at the scale of atoms and subatomic particles—

Cleo: *flipping him off*

Joe (blissfully unaware): Now classical physics! The collection of theories that existed before the advent of quantum mechanics—

Cleo: *trying to ignore him*

Joe (carrying on): Quantum mechanics differs from classical physics in that energy, momentum, angular momentum, and other quantities of a bound system are restricted to discreet values—

Cleo: *fingers drumming impatiently*

Joe (still going): Now! Quantum mechanics arose gradually from theories to explain observations which could not be reconciled with classical physics—

Cleo: *physically going through all 5 stages of grief*

Joe: (insert continuously long string of rambling science here)

Cleo: *mutes Joe*

—

Cleo (responding to her partner in chat): You have the movie poster for Dora the Explorer? Cam, I’m suddenly questioning our relationship now.

Joe: Uh oh.

Cleo: *laughing*

Joe: Yeah, I knew I was gonna get blamed for that eventually.

—

Cleo (frustrated): I’m gonna kill someone. And since the person who made and designed this castle isn’t here…(trailing off) Hi Joe.

Joe (accepted his fate): Hello.

—

Joe: Have you ever officiated a wedding?

Cleo: No I haven’t. Why, do you want me to?

—

Joe: Oh! Oh! I found my cross stitch the other day!

Cleo: Oh cool!

Joe: *rummaging in the background* Yeah, so, I don’t know if you’ve seen this before—

Cleo (excitedly): ShowMeShowMeShowMeShowMe!!!

—

Joe (reading chat): Am I excited for Minecraft Live? Umm…

SILENCE

Joe: You know, so much of life is minecraft, but you know, maybe this is just a step too far. You know? Um, I think Mojang asked if they could and never stopped to ask if they should. Um, you know, I think their decision in particular to clone dinosaurs at the event as part of their Jurrassic Park, uh, map thing that they put out— which, also, it’s not even like the Jurrassic Park movies are really for kids, but here’s— here’s Minecraft with Jurrassic Park in it, and also we’re gonna clone a bunch of dinosaurs for this livestream, it’s like *groaning*. I dunno. I’m dubious. I think it’s gonna backfire. Ya know, there’s like 4 cautionary films about why you don’t clone dinosaurs. And they’re just jumping in feet first. So…but, you know, I’d like to be wrong about this. Maybe it’ll go great.

Cleo: …are you having a moment Joe?

—

Cleo (reading chat): “when the arts and crafts streams become Cleo with a scream mask” I am not X. I am not X, I promise you I’m not X. I just don’t have a face.

Joe: Heh

Cleo: And if I was— hang on I’ll be back in a second.

Joe: …wait, did you just realize that you do have a scream mask?

Cleo: No, I have a better mask. *leaves*

SILENCE

Joe: *watching Cleo’s stream intensely*

—

Cleo: Are we seriously doing guillotine jokes right now? I’m not saying I disapprove, but

Joe: yeah, we say “Giatine”

Cleo: That’s ok, you can be wrong.

Joe: …It’s a french word.

Cleo: And? You’re allowed to be wrong.

Joe: …*deep sigh*

—

Joe: It’s funny too. Because people will tell me that I don’t seem like a very— like, mostly my coworkers. Like, would tell me that I didn’t seem like a particularly emotional person.

Cleo: *bursts out laughing*

—

Joe: Yeah, I feel like I didn’t make a lot of…visible progress today…but…it’s fine…

Cleo: I made progress for both of us Joe.

Joe (tiredly): Thank you Cleo… (resting head against the ring light)

SILENCE

Cleo (tenderly): …You’re welcome.

[owaowabetch]

Minecraft pt. 1 (Sykkuno x F!Reader)

Oneshot (maybe part of a series??? idk we’ll see): Even though you’ve never played minecraft, you still manage to build a great house with your basement buddy. Friendship with a hint of romance. This is season 1 of the OTV ftb server (Pre-relationship; part of Uh-oh & Impasta)

“Ok guys, so today’s stream is going to be a lil different” You chat to your stream “We are going to be playing Minecraft with the OTV gang and other people we’ve played among us with!” Waiting for Minecraft to load on your pc, you continued on chatting “We will be playing GTA later on in the stream, we have a few jobs lined up with some people, so hopefully we get a lot of money from that” 

You minimized your face cam into a corner as your character appeared in a random spawn area near quite a few people. You saw multiple boxy players run around and hitting each other. So, you walked around picking up flowers  and with the help of some members of your chat, you managed to collect wood.

“OH! HEY Y/N!!” A loud crunchy voice yelled terribly into your ear causing you to cringe visible and immediately start hitting them with the wood in your hand.

“Your mic is dank man” You continue hitting them, which turned out to be Leslie and she starts to hit you back with a laugh. You guess her flowered hand overpowered your wood and hungry state, because you died and respawned to where you first showed up.

“Ah fuck” You complained before another boxy figure showed up infront of you and you recognized the blue shirt and green striped scarf, so you cheered. “Sykkuno!”

“Hey, Y/N!” His character moved his head up and down “What happened? How did you die?”

“Leslie’s mike was..crunchy?? And then she killed me!” You jump around

Sykkuno laughs “What? I’m surprised mobs havent got you. I’ve been killed many times by them” and in comedic fashion poki ran by screaming for help as she was being chased by a giant spider. You both watched as she would turn and hit it before continuing on her run.

It killed her. She puffed into smoke and in her place was a grave.

You both laugh as Sykkuno gasps out her name and you both run to her grave.

“Is this part of the mod? Or is it part of minecraft” You ask crouching on her grave and read her name.

He jumped around you with an answer “ Uh no it’s a mod that abe put in. If you break it the stuff you died with will spawn out”

“Oh” Continuing the crouch and uncrouch “What now?”

“Well i was going to find some of my graves, but I’m gunna find wood to make tools and find food” He answered and with that you decided to follow him

You collect the fruit from the near by trees and kill some of the animals with an axe that Sykkuno made you. Along the way you collected flowers and wood.

“We should find a house before it gets dark and more mobs come and kill us” Sykkuno walks to you then throws a stack of wood on the floor “Or maybe you build us a house. I’m not good at that type of thing”

You stare into your cam and do the debbie ryan “Oh my god, living together?” You pick up the stack of wood and start building a small house “Is that good?”

“Ya, that’s great! I’ll put the door down and I got us some beds, so we now have a spawn point. So when we die we just end up here” He explains doing so

Nodding along to what he said, you start putting the flowers you collected around the house before entering the house. He put the beds down next to each other. Making sure to mute yourself, you do the finger point and with a ‘tch’ sound you smile “ Oh my God Chat! Our beds are next to each other !?! How crazy. Heehee”  

The house was lit up with torches. “Click on the bed” He tells you and you do so. Your characters laid there side by side and your chat was hearing you make embarrassing noises. “Chat better not be telling him how embarrassing I’m being please. This is a desparate plea for you guys not to tell him!! Like Im joking guys please” With a laugh, your character gets off the bed and you walk out.

“Oh!” In Sykkuno’s hand was a flower “I noticed you picking up flowers and I know that [Flower/Name] is your favorite, so i picked some up for you”

You can’t stop the smile that appears on your face nor the flush on your cheeks “You are so fucking cute”

“Wha-?” You interrupt him “This is so sweet, honestly Sy.”

He throws them on the ground “It’s no problem. Just saw them and remembered how much you liked them “ and you pick them up, putting them at the entrance of the door “I love it!!! Thank You Sykkuno!!”

He hums and jumps around. You check chat, when a donation comes in telling you to check it, and read that he was purposefully was looking for the flowers because he knows how much you would’ve loved them. You don’t believe them at first, telling them that while he is nice, going around looking for a flower doesn’t seem like a productive thing to do. So, someone from your chat sent a clip of him telling his viewers that he was looking for your favorite flower to give to you. His excuse was that this as your first time playing minecraft, so he wanted you to enjoy it and thought it would be a great present until he can find diamonds.

“Guys! No!! That is so sweet!” You cry out blushing even further

“Hey guys!” A voice called out. A voice you immediately recognized to be Liliy’s “Come look at my house!” Looking up you see her stood further up from the both of you. She started making her way down and gasped “Are those [F/N]!?! Where did you find these! The look so pretty!”

“Yea” You jumping once more “Aren’t they cool?”

“YES! Can I have one?” She asked standing next to them “Is this your house? I love the flowers around them”

“I guess this is where we live now” You respond

“Both?” Lily questioned “You and Sykkuno are living together!?!”

“Yea! He actually gave me the [F/N]s, so you can’t..have them..” You respond to her awkwardly

Lily turns to Sykkuno and hits his character “You fucking simp”

He gasps “Lily” but she ignores him “I’ll take a different flower as a housewarming gift. Now follow me!”

“Y/N, why don’t you go see it while I gather up more materials” Sykkuno told you

You follow her up the small mountain? And there laid her pink house and you gasped “There is pink wood!?!”

“Yea, you just need pink dye. I have a bunch left if you want some” She offered you

“I don’t know if Sykkuno would want to live in a pink house” You enter her house and notice chests and peak into them

“He’d want what you want so just go for it.” She places the flower she took from your house next to hers. “Those chests belong to other people, but here’s mine.” She hits the chest in her house “I think i have like 20 of the pink wood left, so you can just take the rest”

You took the stack from her chest “Awesome! Your house is nice! It’s big too! I’d have to remake our house into something bigger”

“Yea, it’s kinda ugly since it isn’t pink” She tells you causing you to laugh

“It was a last minute thing to hid in during the night” Holding the pink wood in your hand “I’ll probably look up some building tips and stuff later to make a cool place, but thanks Lily!”

You hung out in her house talking with people as they came and went as Lily went to find more flowers to surround her house in. Though someone interesting came in, wearing the generic steve skin with a slightly creepy face.

“Hey Miyoung!” Lily called from out her house

“Hi Lily” She responded “I’m just letting you know I’m putting a death trap in your home. Please don’t tell the victims”

You snorted in amusement “Can I help with that?”

She moves towards you in her crouched state, so you respond in kind. You both just stared at each other in your crouched position circling each other “Okay, so I have a bucket of oil, so I want to dig a hole in the ground and push people into it”

Nodding your head “Clean, my chat was telling me that there is a trapped door, so why not put one on the ground above it and just have people walk in it?”

“We should also put a sign down there, so as they’re slowly sinking to their death, there’ll be a sign that mocks them” Nodding her characters head “I have some signs already, I’ll make the trapped door”

Taking a shovel from your hotbar, you dig a hole 6 blocks down, digging the other side as you make your way down. You then walk to the other side and start to make your way up.

“You should leave an open space for the sign, maybe 2 blocks open?” Miyoung tells you as she eyes you from above. You jump out of the hole you created and shovel 2 dirt blocks. She places a sign down and covers it up with a wood plank that matches the floor of Lily’s house “Wait I need to put the oil down”

So, she breaks the floor once more and jumps in to put the oil in before making her way back up. “I just put RIP on the sign, I think it’ll help them realize that they will die, so..”

“Alright clean clean” You jump around and watch as she places a trap door on the floor above it and placing a sign in front of it.

“We should probably look for victims” Miyoung tells you

You make your character swing their arm around towards the chests in Lily’s home “Well people have stuff in here, so maybe we should wait for someone to come in to grab something and lure them”

“Sounds good” She says and as she says this Sykkuno comes barging in.

“Hey y/n!” He cheers “Oh hey Miyoung! Lily told me that she has a bucket in her chest that she’ll let me borrow. So, I’m just trying to find her chest. Don’t mind me” He rifles through them “Can’t seem to find them “

You open the trap door and look at him before he turns to you two “Oh is it in here?” and down he goes. “Oh!? IS THIS A TRAP”

You start giggling as he starts to panic laugh “y/n? miyoung? Help!”

You both just crouch above him and stare as he slowly sinks “Guys, any help? please? y/n?”

Miyoung just closes the trap door and walks away and in the little chat says that Sykkuno died in due to [Sticky Dipping], so you type in an apology as you make your way back towards the house. You meet him and apologize to him once again.

“It’s no problem. It was actually kind of funny, but check in the chest I have in the house. I got some more stuff for you for the house” He tells you  “I’m gunna go back to get my stuff and the bucket, so i’ll catch you later!”

“Alright, see ya Sy!” You cheer back to him and make your way into the house.”Alright chat, let’s see what he gave us! I’m not reading what you guys, say so no spoilers~”

You open the wooden box and inside were more pink wood planks, glass, stairs, torches, other house materials to make building easier, and some more of your favorite flowers.

You feel your chest tighten as the butterflies appear in your stomach. You smile largely and giddy, opening and closing your mouth trying to gather the words to express how you felt, you were pleasantly surprised by the things he left you.

You wanted to squeal at how nice he is. It is hard to come across a genuinely nice guy that wanted nothing but friendship with you. So, it was easy to fall for Sykkuno; but it was hard to admit to yourself your growing feelings for him, because love is scary and being in love with your friend is even scarier. Once those feelings come out, you can’t take them back and things just become different. So, it is safe to say that you’ll be keeping them to yourself.

“By the way” Sykkuno starts causing you to jump in real life, as you were sat pondering to yourself “The server is making a town square a few blocks away, so why don’t we move the house there?”

You start collecting the items in your inventory “Yea! Are you going to need help carrying the rest of the stuff there?”

He starts breaking the items in your old home “If you have the room for some that’ll be great! yea!”

Once you both gathered the things you wanted to take, you guys bound towards where the Town Square was being made.

“Oh! By the way, can I request you build a basement for me in our house?” Sykkuno asks

The thought of him referring to the house as ‘ours’ made you smile “Yea, but can I ask why you want one?”

“Don’t worry. I won’t build anything that’ll blow up our house” Sykkuno dodges the question

‘Our’ house. Maybe one day that can be a real life possibility. You couldn’t contain the smile growing on your face even further. Maybe one day you’ll have the courage to tell him how you feel.

As you start building near Leslie’s house, a thought suddenly pops into your head ‘Sykkuno there is a girl into you’

[miaclemeverett]

Wilbur, Fundy, and Purpled were interviewed for this great article on the Dream SMP and the Minecraft community! Full article below the cut. 

"Minecraft" launched over a decade ago and the video game is as popular as ever. With over 126 million players worldwide, the voxel-based survival game drops adventurers into a world where they can craft, build, explore, destroy, and create to their heart's content. Aided by tools, blocks, and creativity, the simple sandbox world allows anyone on PC, console, or smartphone the chance to project their own feelings and creations directly into their virtual space.

"As long as you have the mind for it, you can really just do anything," 17-year-old "Minecraft" YouTuber Purpled, who has 700,000 subscribers, told Insider. "Because of how simple Minecraft is and how easy it is to build with it, you can create whatever you want."

In recent years, Microsoft's never-ending game has evolved into a tool for content creators to express themselves, leading to high-profile collaborations with some of YouTube's biggest personalities. By creating their own private "Minecraft" servers, creators have been able to craft ornate worlds and stories that they can explore in streams and videos, immersing fans in a cinematic-style universe.

Minecraft has a long history on YouTube

"Minecraft's" versatility has made it an incredibly popular game for content creators and influencers. In 2012, a change in YouTube's algorithm promoting watch time over video clicks led to a renaissance of "Let's Players" who recorded themselves reacting and playing their favorite games. "Minecraft" was one of the most successful, spawning some of the largest channels of the time like SkyDoesMinecraft (11.3 million subscribers) and Tobuscus (6.25 million subs).

Though the popularity of "Minecraft" remained fairly steady, content about the title waned a bit over the next decade either due to content fatigue or newer titles like "Fortnite" taking the spotlight. 2020 flipped the title back into the forefront, with both streamers and YouTubers capitalizing on the title's popularity.  

The biggest breakout star for "Minecraft" in the past few years is Dream, an expert, faceless player with a neon-green avatar with over 17 million YouTube subscribers. YouTube labeled him the second overall content creator of the year and his streams consistently pull in a quarter of a million people.

In May of 2020, Dream decided to create a small, private server for his friends to play around in. This SMP server, or "survival multiplayer," started off with only a handful of content creators being invited. Soon, the server would expand to over 30 members, bringing in millions of views from fans who chronicle every moment of the lore the creators eventually created.

Viewership on Twitch of "Minecraft" content went from 17 million hours watched in January 2020 to 74 million in January of 2021, according to data from analytics company Rainmaker.gg.  

How the Dream SMP grew from a private server with friends to a cultural milestone

Purpled has been playing "Minecraft" for the past eight years and is a high-ranking player in a multiplayer game mode called "Bed Wars." He had started talking to Dream in the summer of 2019, when the pair were both small, mutual fans.

"When the SMP was in its infancy, I just asked him if there was any room because he said how it's just for friends and if a friend wants to join, they can," Purpled said. "So I asked him, he said, 'Sure.' He sent me the IP and I was in."

The server was originally just a place to create and hangout, with no intention of creating an overarching story or plot.

Fundy, a 19-year-old Dutch YouTuber with 2.7 million subscribers joined when only a handful of other creators were on."I had talked to Dream on a few occasions, out-of-the-blue Dream sent me a message about a survival world that they had going on. It was very small at first," Fundy said. "I thought it could be a fun little side-project I could stream every now and then on Twitch, so I decided to join."

Fundy joined in the early days alongside Wilbur Soot, a 23-year-old YouTuber with 3.8 million subscribers. Soot, after attempting to create an "illegal potion shop" on the server, decided to establish a nation of non-Americans players called L'Manberg. Soot said he wrote a "treatment" for how the formation of his country would go, creating an official canon that fans could follow along with.

"I was invited into the Dream SMP near its inception but I only joined fully when I had an idea for building a country in 'Minecraft'," Soot said. "I write up a series of plot hooks and points that should tie together, however we improv dialogue and comedy throughout to take us from point to point."

These streams and pieces of content all had a canon that could be followed and consumed like a television show. L'Manberg eventually started a war against Dream for its independence, staging a rebellion chronicled in YouTube videos with millions of views.

These streams and videos aren't just randoms in "Minecraft" trying to defeat the end-game Ender Dragon — these are performers putting on a show that their fans can't miss. As the lore expanded, so did the rules needed to keep a sense of continuity and order. For example, each player only has three lives before they are removed and deleted from the server.

"It went from a casual survival game to a whole story-line filled with plots and twists," Fundy said. "Role-playing at this point is a key-feature of the Dream SMP, some parts are scripted, some parts are improv, and some parts are 'non-canon,' where it is just counted as a standard 'Minecraft' server."

The fan communities have risen up and made their voices heard

Over the next few months, the lore and world would continue to grow and so would the fan base. Hundreds of thousands of viewers would tune in for these streams, trying to keep up with the lore and content. To help catalog the story, a network of fans established themselves as lore keepers, documenting each moment for those that had to miss a stream.  

The "DREAMSMP UPDATES!" account on Twitter has established itself as one of the most popular locations to find all this content and lore on social media. Starting in December 2020, the account has grown to over 147,000 users with just a team of seven administrators, ages 14-17, in different locations around the world, posting updates and stream notifications for fans. "Minecraft" is a game that appeals to all ages, but the audience for this content tends to skew younger, with 41 percent of Twitch's user base being 16 to 24, according to GlobalWebIndex.

"You can tell they're all friends and it's a lot more lighthearted in general and it shows," mod on the "DREAMSMP UPDATES!" Twitter account eclaire said over chat app Discord. "When it's not lore you see them actually having good chemistry and it really pulls you in because it almost feels like being pulled into a friend group."

User SamHQ first started the fan account with a couple of friends from high school but the group quickly expanded after the account tweeted that they needed more fans of certain streamers to join. She is online and runs the account "24/7" but "it's just like answering a text."

"When I started the account I knew lots of people who couldn't catch up because of work or school," SamHQ said. "So I gathered friends to help and now people rely on us when someone's streaming or to catch up with the lore when they can't watch."

For the fans that run the update account, keeping up with the Dream SMP isn't dissimilar to following the Marvel Cinematic Universe or a long-running television show. Characters come and go, but the improv and roleplay stay.

"The Dream SMP did something really special — taking an original idea, creating new things that have never been seen on 'Minecraft' and incorporating them with humor and characters that you can become easily attached with," mod NotAlex said.

Though other SMP roleplay servers, like EarthSMP and SMPLive, have been created over the years, none have been as successful or popular as the Dream SMP.

Finding a fan base on the Dream SMP can lead to major growth.

For the performers on the server, addressing fans and their responses comes with the territory.

"The Dream SMP viewers are very important to the Dream SMP, and the fact that they openly speak their mind about how a certain stream went only helps the streamers improve," Fundy said. "It's basically an instant review of what was liked and what wasn't."

Like most major fandoms with a young audience, fanfiction of these streamers has popped up online. Dozens of Dream fics and drawings exist online, some going a bit far and putting underage characters together. Dream responded on Twitter to those "ships," writing that they shouldn't "ship creators that are uncomfortable with it, and especially not minors."

The Dream stans, or the super fans, also tend to be very vocal online about the SMP. Hashtags on Twitter like #dreamnotfound and #dreamfanart consistently break-through to the trending page, confusing those who have no idea this world exists. The most ferocious of stans sometimes overstep the boundary between polite disagreement and outright harassment. This vocal minority has sent death threats and waves of harassment at those who criticize or disagree with their favorite content creators.  

The growth and future of these channels is in large part due to the Dream SMP server

The popularity of Dream SMP has helped grow the content creators that take part in it. Since joining the server, Purpled is gaining three times as many subscribers a month on YouTube and has been introduced to an entirely new fan base. His streams used to pull in 3,000 viewers but now his average is closer to 35,000 to 40,000 viewers.

"Some people think of them as obsessive or stalker fans, but those are people that really like to talk about certain creators and really get invested in things," Purpled said. "And it's really nice because they care a lot more and connect more with the creator than the content."

These creators understand the power of the fan base and know that they come for the content.

"I think the Dream SMP is popular thanks to the brilliant creators and funny improv moments," Soot said. "I think we'll be seeing the emergence of a huge wave of roleplay-centric gaming communities."

[wolfstar-in-color]

July Creator Spotlight: Desicosplay

Hello, lovely people, and welcome to our second creator spotlight!

Each month, we will highlight a different creator in our lovely fandom who features diverse characterizations of Sirius and/or Remus. We will invite you to get to know them better through questions and answers, Fandom Discourse(tm), and a featured prompt created by our guest.

For our second spotlight, we are absolutely honoured to having the presence of @desicosplay, an incredible cosplayer and writer that if you don’t follow, you should do right away. They’ve gifted us with many, many amazing gifsets, a lot of them about Sirius. Below you’ll see a little snippet of the interview and Mastani’s prompt. Under the cut you’ll be able to read the full interview. Don’t forget to share and interact with this post, and if you have anyone you’d like to recommend for a spotlight, shoot us an ask!

“Diversity means celebration. So in fan spaces, that means actively seeking out creators that you might otherwise miss. It means trying out new perspectives, or listening to new perspectives on your favorite characters. It means standing with your peers, being loud in your love and support of them. I’m not saying you have to reblog or comment on everything. Diversity is not just visual, it’s also mental. Diversity needs to be intentional and active, even if that takes place just in your head.”

Mastani’s prompt: Muggle AU! Sirius and Remus at Harry’s sporting event!

Hi! I’m Mastani, she/they/he pronouns, I’m a 1.5/2nd Generation Indian-American, and I cosplay and write fanfiction!

Q: How did you start creating in the fandom? What did you wish to bring into the fandom?

A: Almost five years ago, Laina @ohtheclevernessofme1972 convinced me to join the HPRP community. She and everyone else were so supportive of my desire to bring my culture and background to the Harry Potter characters. Eventually, I also started writing fanfiction again!

Q: What things about s/r as characters or in their relationship inspire you to create around them?

A: I think that they are very complex characters that really demonstrate how external factors affect your life, whether you like it or not. Their relationship, whether platonic, romantic, or anything in-between or outside, is also so fascinating in its potential to evolve. Wolfstar is constantly changing, and all its interpretations are totally feasible to imagine.

Q: What things would you like to highlight about the Wolfstar fandom and your experience in it?

A: My main dips into the fandom are when I cosplay Sirius, and every time, I feel so much love. The fandom is so open to any interpretations of Sirius, and it does wonders to make someone feel accepted.

Q: What type of content do you wish you saw more in the fandom?

A: This is entirely self-indulgent, but Godfather/Uncle!Sirius just make me feel so warm inside. There’s a love inside Sirius that only gets touched upon inside the books. AUs where he gets to interact with Harry as a child or teen outside the pressure of a war are just so calming and warming.

Q: What is your favourite wolfstar fancontent (fic/fanart/gifset/etc) and how does it inspire you?

A: Y’all, I have so many Wolfstar fics saved that are just stunning and several that are comfort fics. I think the biggest takeaway from all of them is the comfort the boys find in each other. All of them are AUs, and I’m inspired to depict my Wolfstar as something kind, gentle, and communicative.

Q: Which of your own identities inform your creative processes? How has that process been for you?

A: All of them! But more specifically, my racial background informs most of my process. My process is… Sporadic, to say the least. However, when I do get struck with an idea, I have to create it almost instantly. One example, Wolfstar-related, is that my Sirius cosplay has long hair, half-up in a bun. I feel like desi!Sirius would celebrate his heritage by growing his hair long, which also is a nice, “screw you,” to societal and familial constraints.

Q: What advice do you have for other content creators with diverse backgrounds in the fandom? What would you say to people that might feel they don’t have the “right” history/experience/characteristics to participate in the creation of content related to Wolfstar?

A: think the best advice for participation I have comes from the iconic Jay @siriussly-serious, Rest in Power. “Go. Get in. Dive in. Fucking head first. Fuck that, cannonball your butt right in there and make a damn splash…” There is no, “right,” history/experience/background. These characters are fictional, but they can reflect our world. Our world is not homogenous. So why should fictional worlds and characters be that way? These stories are ours, and we shape them to be whatever we want them to be. If you want to create, that’s all the prerequisite you need.

Q: How could we build a more diverse fandom?

A: This blog is a great example of how to build a diverse fandom. Celebrating creators with diverse backgrounds and being loudly supportive of them makes us want to stay. Finding communities that celebrate, not just accept, can make a world of difference. So, raise your voice and love on your favorite creators.

Q: What’s your favourite thing to modify in Sirius’s or Remus’s characterizations to bring new perspectives to them?

A: I’m a huge communicator, so improving character communication is something I love to do. I like to create fluff, and this change lets me focus on the gentler parts of Sirius and Remus, or the parts that need some love, e.g. mental health. It also lets me flesh out their senses of humor more, like their dislike of cats (in my headcanons).

Q: What does diversity mean to you? What does that encompass in fanish spaces?

A: Diversity means celebration. So in fan spaces, that means actively seeking out creators that you might otherwise miss. It means trying out new perspectives, or listening to new perspectives on your favorite characters. It means standing with your peers, being loud in your love and support of them. I’m not saying you have to reblog or comment on everything. Diversity is not just visual, it’s also mental. Diversity needs to be intentional and active, even if that takes place just in your head.

Q: What are your ideas about the notions of culture and ethnicity? How do you relate to those notions?

A: I find culture and ethnicity to overlap in many ways, as they both pertain to group characteristics. I’m not an anthropologist, so I don’t know the detailed differences between the two. However, in my quick searches, it feels, to me, that culture is a bit broader and ethnicity is more geographic. So, I’m culturally Indian-American and ethnically Gujarati Indian (Gujarat is the state in India). I find these notions to be helpful when defining and describing my experiences. For example, among desis (and other brown folks), saying I’m generation 1.5/2 tells them that I straddle American/Western and Indian culture. If I tell another Indian that I’m Gujarati, they instantly know the kind of foods I grew up with and the language my parents speak. It’s a streamlined way of explaining my experiences, and as a science brained person, it makes life easier for me.

Q: Is there a page/organization/institution you would recommend for fans to search/read when it comes to learning about diversity?

A: With the tool that is social media, there are so many activists and creators that are willing and able to teach about diversity. On my page, I keep a page titled, “Resources for Justice.” This page has a wide variety of social justice resources on it. Google is great, but you also want to cross-check your sources. However, I feel like the best way to learn is to ask questions. Do so respectfully and ensure the person you’re asking has the energy/time/compensation to answer. Especially if you’ve done some research ahead of time, I find that many folks are willing to have a discussion - but again, check with the person first. Trust is paramount in these conversations.

Q: Is there a project/organization that you want to hype?

A: Oh, I could name so many. However, the ones I want to shout out here are Chrysalis - Gender Identity Matters and Raze Collective. As many of you know, Jay @siriussly-serious passed away recently, and in his name, we’re promoting/donating to these charities. Chrysalis - GIM offers online and in-person mental health support for trans and nonbinary people in his area and Raze Collective supports LGBTQIA+ performers. Ami @ami-acts and a few others (I apologize for not remembering exactly who - I’ll message the mods if I remember/please add on if you know) organized this. Links are below.

Donate to Chrysalis - GIM here.

Donate to Raze Collective here.

Q: Leave us with a quote or work of art that always inspires you

A: Is it too cheesy to say all of our fandom? To be totally honest, that’s who/what inspires me most of all. It’s a work of art, all the people in it make our fandom a work of art!

[eroticcannibal]

Common myths and misconceptions about home education

So in case anyone has somehow missed it, I have recently become a Big supporter of home education in a very lefty way, which has meant I have had to challenge a lot of views I have previously held about home education and that I know a lot of other lefties hold too. I am of the opinion that embracing home education, not as a last resort, but as the primary form of education for as many children as possible, is a vital part of achieving the required shifts in society needed to meet the goals of most leftists. So I am taking it on myself to convince you all that it is a very good thing, and also to clear up some misconceptions people have about home education that may make them feel they are unable to do it.

(A note, I am from the UK and shall be using UK terminology and specifics regarding law, policy and other such things will be from a UK perspective. I shall be using the term home education, as that is the legal term in the UK and is distinct from home schooling, which is the term for what school children have been doing during the pandemic.)

And I would also like to extend a quick thanks to Education Otherwise and the mods at Home education and your local authority for teaching me A LOT.

Have any questions about anything I’ve not covered here? Just let me know!

1. “Home education is illegal.”

- Sadly, home education is illegal or restricted to the point of inaccessibility in most of the world. From the research I have done, it seems that only the US and the UK have reasonable laws around home education (if I am using a very broad definition of reasonable, it is still not great). I do hope I can change this section soon, and I would *heavily* encourage people to campaign for the right to home educate post pandemic, perhaps cite any benefits learning at home has provided to children, perhaps???

2. “Home education is a tool used by religious fundamentalists to brainwash children!”

- This is a view many hold, and for good reason. For many of us, when we think of home education, we think of christian fundamentalists in the deep south of America, pulling their children out of school to avoid the liberal agenda. The truth is, anything can be used as a tool of indoctrination. This can happen in home education, and it can happen and has happened in schools too. In my own communities we have had instances of schools being a site of religious radicalization of children. The reality is this is far too complex and deep an issue to be solved by deeming any particular form of education as “bad”. I am not an expert on how best to deal with such issues, but I do feel that things like outreach and building a healthy community with otherwise more isolated religious groups would be a better way to address these issues.

3. “You need to have x qualification to home educate.”

- Again, a reasonable view to hold, given that state run and private education does require educators to hold certain qualifications, but in practice it quickly becomes evident the same does not necessarily have to apply with home education. Educational qualifications are very much focused on delivering an education in a classroom, which is a far cry from home education. During our home education of our child, my partner, who is a qualified SEN TA, has struggled far more than I have with educating our SEN child, despite the fact I hold no qualifications.

We live in amazing times when it comes to education. There are many things that parents and communities have to teach a child, and there are many things a child can teach to themself if given the tools to do so. You can even learn together! Their are endless resources available, books and games and documentaries, and even home education groups and private tutors if you feel that is the right fit for your child. You don’t need a piece of paper for your child to spend a day with their nose buried in a book, or to help the neighbor with his vegetable patch, or to cuddle up on the sofa while watching Planet Earth.

4. “You are required to follow the national curriculum.”

- This does vary by country (that allows home education). As a general rule, the stricter a country is about who can home educate, the stricter they are about what must be taught. In the UK, you are not required to follow the national curriculum. Education must be “efficient” and suited to the child’s “age, aptitude and ability”, and LAs do require that english and maths are covered. Other than that, you are allowed to tailor the content of education to the child and their interests. We have recently dropped geography for now and are only just picking up history again. It has also given us the freedom to focus on areas our child needs that would not be covered in mainstream education, such as anxiety management, trauma processing, self care and hygiene.

5. “Home education looks like school/is just filling out workbooks/etc”

- The thing you will always hear from experienced home educators when you begin home education is “home education doesn’t need to be school at home”. Much like you can tailor the content of the learning to the child, you can also tailor the delivery to the child. Some child need structure, timetable, instructions. Some need freedom and to bounce between topics. Some need to have an hour learning maths and only maths, some need to go dig up your garden “for science”. Some want to learn every day, some will need extended breaks.

Learning happens all the time, from the moment they wake to the moment they sleep. As an example, at home we have some workbooks, as both me and my child have ADHD and need someone to go “ok learn this” rather than us having to work out for ourselves what we need to cover for core subjects like english and maths. For the rest of most days my child is left to their own devices to binge youtube and netflix and work on their art. We try and go for a woodland walk every few days, where we have Deep Discussions about all kinds of topics, and we are also working on growing edible plants and baking cakes from around the world. We are more hands-off at the moment, due to the current bout of anxiety, but when that settles again we will get back to history themed crafts and STEM activities. Post-pandemic, we will be signing our kid up for swimming classes and “after school” clubs, and looking at sending them down to my mum for the home ed groups where she lives, like the forest school. A lot of home education outside of a pandemic is in groups and community based, or will make use of libraries and museums and other public learning opportunities. Frequently very little will happen at home.

In fact many home educators will advise new families to “deschool” for a while before jumping in to learning. This is a period where you “get school out of your system”, and just exist. Learning does not have to be intentional, you will be surprised how much you can achieve by just having fun.

6. “Home education is expensive.”

- It can be, ask my bank account. However, it is perfectly possible to deliver a quality education with little to no money. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s doable. Their are many online resources for free (check out oak academy), and libraries have plenty available too. Even paid resources can be very cheap if you know where to look. (psst, if your kid thrives with worksheets and powerpoints, get yourself a twinkl subscription, download everything you need for a year then cancel it.)

(This does not apply to exams. Get saving!)

7. “Home educated children are not properly socialised.”

- This is only really true during the pandemic. The rest of the time, home educated children are free to socialise whenever they want, with whoever they want, in whatever setting they choose. Socialisation while home educating is in the opinions of many of a higher quality, as they are not limited to groups of a similar age and background. Many home educating families form groups for their children to socialise together too. For ND children especially, socialising while home educated can be far less stressful and far more fulfilling than in school.

8. “Home educated children won’t get qualifications.”

- Just plain not true. Arranging qualifications can be costly and time consuming, but it is possible and regularly done. Some children may return to school or college to access exams for free, and I have heard of a handful of cases where individuals were able to secure prestigious university places without any qualifications. Home education also allows for more freedom with how exams and qualifications are approached, for example, many home educated children will pick one GCSE to focus on at a time, rather than covering numerous topics over 2 years and having exams for all of them at once like children in school will.

9. “Home education is a safeguarding risk/is used to cover up abuse/home educated children are not seen.”

- In the UK at least, home education is not considered a safeguarding risk, no matter what authorities may tell you, nor are home educated “not seen”. They still visit medical professionals, they still engage with their communities.

Now I shall add the relevant paper here should I find it again, but the idea that home education is used to cover up abuse to a statistically significant degree, or that home educated children are at more risk of abuse, is false. Home educating families do face a significantly higher risk of social services involvement than other families, but far less abuse is found in comparison to other families. It is also worth considering, when talking about social services involvement, that many families pursue home education due to failures by schools regarding a child’s vulnerabilities. In most cases, especially the Big Ones, where a home educated child is abused, the child was already known to authorities as a victim of abuse, therefore home educating did nothing to hide said abuse.

Children are also routinely abused in schools, which is another common reason for home educating.

10. “Home education has to be monitored or approved.”

- Depends on the country, I know in Japan home education is monitored by schools, however in the UK, monitoring is not lawful. Local authorities may make informal enquiries to ensure a suitable education is being facilitated (keep EVERYTHING in writing and please go straight to “home education and your local authority” group on FB for advice, you WILL need it!). In England, if your child is in mainstream education, you can deregister at will, from a special school will require LA approval. In Scotland deregistering requires LA approval. (Again, head to the aforementioned group for advice).

11. “You can’t work/get an education while home educating”

- It is hard to balance work, education and educating your child, but it is possible, people do it every day. Obviously, having at least one parent free to educate unhindered at all times is an ideal situation, but in the real world it often does not work that way. Parents may have to home educate regardless of their other commitments if a child truly needs to escape the school system. Many parents work or learn from home, and sometimes it is even possible to combine these activities with home education. Professional artists and crafters can pass down their skills while working, distance learners can invite their children to sit in on lectures. The really great thing about home education is it is flexible. Do you have a whole day of meetings? Let the kid play minecraft all day! Going to be in the office all day? Drop the kid off at the local forest school or something else they can do all day. Drop them with the grandparents to help with the gardening!

12. “Home educated are behind/achieve less than school children.”

- Their is no evidence that home education is of a lower quality than school education. Many children are home educated specifically because the school environment was detrimental to their education, and thrive with home education. Plenty of children are able to learn more simply by having 1-to-1 attention, without the distraction of an entire class. And others may well be “behind”, and are educated at home because of their specific needs that mean they will never thrive in an academic setting, so they are allowed to focus on learning skills that will allow them to live independently.

[funkymbtifiction]

Hufflepuff and Gryffindor are just sooo similar

Submitted by ibigpersoncollection

I know, I just mentioned I’m Gryff primary a day or two ago. After I read your answer, I revisited the Sortinghatchats wordpress and their podcast. Then it dawned on me, am I actually Hufflepuff? I really am Hufflepuff.

This is not really an ask though, I do want to share something. Because I think Gryffindor and Hufflepuff primaries when they are passionate about something, they can come off very similar.

One of the main differences, I think, is how we approach people. On the surface, I’m like Gryffindor primary. I’m brash. I’m not going to put up on anything wrong because it’s simply wrong. I cut through things to realize my goals no matter what. It does sound like goal-oriented Gryffindor, but no. That’s the first time I really understand what a ‘model’ is like. I modeled Gryffindor and I found that I took it after my aunt (ISTJ 1w2 Gryff).

She had been preaching about doing and standing by the right cause, the higher sense of ‘right and wrong’ but it’s not about rules or teachings but what you can feel inside of you as right. I took it, but it felt stiff… really. You see? When you are not something you will soon feel it. I tried to be Gryffindor and lived by those ideals but at the end of the day, it’s people that really matter. There are some examples I want to share.

Well, since primary system is mainly ‘motives’ rather than the ideal itself, this will not reflect every Gryff or Puff out there. The first one is, while I thought I was Gryffindor and had an ironclad value. I rarely ever put it on someone else. My value is not even that ‘coded’, tbh. Ages ago, I argued with my aunt about death penalty. Oh, dear, she roasted. She said that criminals on deathroll is right because those people were wrong and deserve that punishment. I argued ‘but they can repent. They can come out and live as a member of society. We need every hand available and they can still be productive, if we give them a chance’. She scoffed said ‘they are wrong and that is the fact, they might repent, they might be good but how can we know? and they can’t just get off the hook like that’.

See? People versus ideal (We are both xSTJ and 1s, so no feeler-thinker dilemma here). My aunt (while she does care about people as a whole) doesn’t argue on people but on what is right and wrong. I don’t argue on right-and-wrong ground but more on society, people. It’s the same end point (what is good for society) but through different lens (people vs ideal, both intuitive rather than decided house).

Other thing is the so-called ‘even-handedness’. This example is between me and my ESFP 6w7 friend (Gryff both primary and secondary). This time we actually believe in the same thing, share the same ideal and value. But where it comes from is really different. Me and my friend both share the same ideas that people shouldn’t be marginalized. The ethnic groups and other communities shouldn’t be oppressed as second-grade citizens or having their basic rights (home, land, culture and pride of their identity) nurtured. We are both ‘disgusted’ by exploitation to indigenous people because of capitalism (look at first nations for instance). And we are both genuinely angry about how ethnic groups are not even allowed to be proud of their heritage (look at Uyghur) and racism in general. But it comes from different place and is shown out differently too. For my friend, it is … well, right to hate those things and she is deeply disgusted and hated all those things enough that she once said something along the line of ‘I can’t stand it, I want to ****ing vomit’.

I don’t have that kind of harshness. I wish I have, honestly, because I did model Gryffindor. I wish I can be as angry and heavy-handed as Gryffindors. I can’t do it because for me, even if it’s wrong, even if I’m disgusted by it to my core. They are still the same people. I will fight for ethnic groups, but I will never hate people who exploit or harm those people. Because they are human even if they are wrong. I once told my ESFP friend that she must not hate her family because they believe differently or forcing her to not believe what she believes. They just … live with different mindset that us, but they are not wrong. “So, don’t hate them, will you? If you don’t want to be with them, just leave, but don’t hate them”. She needs to learn taming her passion and sense of justice while I need to learn being angrier at the cause I believe in.

Last point is, I cannot stand leaving people in need by themselves. I cannot really find an example to contrast though but this is one hallmark of Hufflepuff. If there is a stranger in need and I can help them, I will. I tried not to (because it can look totally simpy or weird at times) but I cannot help but go out of my way to help them. Days ago, I went to university, a man approached me, asking if he could go and meet my professors because his girlfriend wants to talk about applying for master. No one was there, it was a holiday. I can just ignore him and finish my work. But I can’t do it, so I tried finding the contact info of my professors and gave the couple that. I did have deep conflict with my aunt until recently but at that time I couldn’t just leave her in pain and end up bringing her to hospital and 3 am. She needed me; I can’t ignore it.

Oh, I’m not saying Gryffindors are emotional hellions neither Hufflepuffs are angel, all of us can be evil, selfish or great depending on individual. I deeply respect their strong sense of justice and how they will go to any length for it, forsaking even their closest confidants if the situation calls for it. These are people who can change the world to be better and fairer. But I’d say, don’t try to be one, if you are not. Other houses are as good and equally awesome. We all can change the society for the better in our own way 😊. Be proud of who you are.

* I’m also Puff secondary. When ENFP mod helped point it out (and yes, I did know deep down I’m Hufflepuff). I just realize how ‘community building’ works. I broke up with my group awhile ago and suddenly found myself people who came to my aid and stayed by my side. Then my professor just helped me with my ethnic community goals. But that’s for another time.

Btw, thanks ENFP mod! And can I ask if you accept novels? I just start writing one and I’d love if I could polish (or publish…) it. I’ve read in some posts you mention reviewing writings?

Mod: Glad you found your House. Hufflepuffs seem more generally forgiving and accepting than Gryffindors, and are less likely to go against other people. They are somewhat idealistic in wanting to give everyone a chance.

As to your question, no, I don’t read / critique novels for free. I’m a paid editor. But ProWritingAid.com is an amazing tool that will really help you polish your novel and improve it once you’ve gotten it written. My advice is – write it, polish it, and then hire a good editor. Most people cannot “kill their darlings” without an enormous amount of practice and even then they can be blind to what is unnecessarily slowing down their plot.

[witcheringways]

Love that we have a possibility to learn more about you through the asks! I'd like to read your answers to 4 (maybe you read my tags?), 16 (what are your favs?), 17 and 18~

I did see your tags! I was hoping you would Toss an Ask so it’s wonderful to hear from you! 4. Did I kill the Cat School Witcher or let him live?: I have played "Where the Cat and Wolf Play” both ways but the last few times, I’ve spared him. On the one hand, vengeance can be sweet and Gaetan is a challenge as he knows Geralt’s tricks and it’s a satisfying fight. Considering how Gaetan went overkill in slaughtering the entire village, it may even seem like justice especially if you skip the dialogue fast. But if you let the Cat explain why he spares the girl, he becomes more humanized when talking about how she reminded him of his sister who had by then died of old age. 

As he’s a Cat school Witcher, it seems plausible that Geralt might not be as willing to show mercy considering the treachery of the Cats in their plot against the Wolf School which resulted in many deaths on both sides years before, as well as the fact that Cats are often willing to take on less ethical contracts and assassinations. On the other hand, I can see how Geralt might spare him because its a fair statement that he’s not one to judge the actions of another Witcher considering he’s got his own regrets as the Butcher of Blaviken. Depending on Geralt’s actions in TW2 and possible alliance with Letho in TW3, there’s actually quite a a lot of considerations to make in this one quest. So... it’s ultimately complicated but if you do spare Gaetan, you also get a nifty sword and either way, you can help little Millie so there’s another possible happy ending.

16. Favorite Mods: This might be a long list... I tend to switch up mods often but there are a few that never get turned off. Autoloot (stupid popups be gone!), Jump in Shallow Water, Glowing Eyes, and Indestructible Items are always on. I get annoyed having to fix gear all the time and although that may break immersion for some, it works for me. I *don’t* use Fast travel Anywhere, 9000 Weight, No Fall Damage (use the roll button or get good at the jumping/climbing timing, FFS!)  because then the game is just too darn easy. I avoid mods that change combat and game mechanics because they tend to get glitchy or don’t play well with other mods; it’s always those ones that have given me trouble. 

Most mods I use are strictly cosmetic. 4k retexture with Striga scars for Geralt, El’s Custom Complexions for the ladies (the Geralt version is lovely but he’s almost tooooo pretty), and lately Perverse Appearance are all ones that I highly recommend. HD Rework Project is an absolute must if your computer can handle it and Immersive Lighting is also a great choice to spice up the weather and lighting. If you ever have questions about mods I use in images, please do ask because I have  pretty good memory for such things and will happily send links.  17. If I could change one thing...: Well, I don’t enjoy Gwent because I’d rather be out questing but I do miss dice poker from the previous games which is far more lore friendlier game in the Witcher universe anyways. Also the ability to drop Triss in the fountain at the Vegelbud Estate when she gets a bit too drunk & touchy...Sorry, but I just want to get back to Yen, lol.  More time with my fellow Wolf School Witchers and a longer storyline in Kaer Morhen besides the battle would also be content I’d have enjoyed although the drunk shenanigans in “No Place Like Home” are probably some of the funniest in the game. It’s hard to choose just one... 

18. Combat style: When I first started playing, I didn’t pay as much attention and hacked away with all fast attacks and heavy quen/igni but as I’ve played more I really enjoy the dance of graceful pirouettes. Using parry and dodge effectively makes the combat much richer instead of slamming the roll button constantly and losing stamina in heavy armor. Deflecting arrows is not only lore friendly but extremely satisfying instead of relying on armor glyphs to do the same trick. Alchemy is your best friend if you have the patience to track down all the recipes and time your attacks and it surprises me when other players say they never bother with it... potions and bombs can be the best tools in Witcher’s arsenal! (I do miss the throwing daggers from TW2.) I use my signs of course, but heavy sign builds take away some of the challenge and are ultimately way overpowered.  For Mutations, I usually stick to Euphoria, Metamorphosis or Bloodbath. Piercing Cold is fun but it makes Geralt’s hair glitch and fly off about 3 feet from his body so while hilarious, I don’t bother with it. 

Anyways, thank you for the Ask! It’s so much fun to talk about my love of Witcher with you! :) 

[malereader-inserts]

Non Omis Moriar [2]

Fandom: Avengers Pairing: Tony Stark & Son!Reader Summary: Not all of you shall die, so it’s all or none.  Word Count: 3,762 A/n: ANGST ANGST, I hope this makes sense plot line. Also, I apologise for like basically writing the plot out again, you get the gist. Part one here!

“That’s not how time travel works,” You responded dryly.

Your eyes on your new suit as Scott tries to grab your attention, but you give him no consideration. He sighs as he watches you rewire your suit, stats on the screen for you. 

“In Layman's terms, it means you're not coming home,” You continued as you sighed, put your tools down and looked at Scott.

“I did.”

“No, you accidentally survived. It's a billion to one cosmic fluke,” You responded, sighing, “Look, Scott, as much as I want to believe, this whole time heist is laughable, it’s a pipedream.”

“You have to be optimistic, (Y/n).”

You looked behind Scott and see Bruce, glowering over the two of you at the Avengers base, specifically in your dad’s lab. Bruce smiles at you as you shake your head, scoffing.

“Bruce, I’m not the one to preach about optimism, that’s Steve’s sort of rodeo but what have you been doing for the past year? You’ve lost to Thanos both times in both forms - look at you.”

“But, I’m willing to do something if it means we can save people, I know it’s not you or your thing to save people, but we’re the only people left. Remember what Natasha always says?”

“Whatever it takes.” Sighing, you shake your head, “I can’t, Bruce, I’m sorry.”

Bruce nods, leaving as Scott sends you one last look but as he watches you play with the screens of the stats of your suit - he leaves you be. A year had passed since the snap and all you’ve been doing is fixing Avengers’ equipment, updating the little things as you don’t have their suit. 

Isolating yourself.

You made your own suit, the one you and your dad made was hard for you to work on because you made it with your dad. It’s didn’t feel right for you to work on something you and your dad made.

Within the year, you’ve been taking medication for sleep too. Nightmares of the time on Titans kept you all night and when you’re sleep deprived the voice and vision of your dad appears. No matter how much you want to see your dad, you were not going insane.

Within the year, the bond between you and Bruce had become strained, you don’t call him uncle anymore, not out of malice, but a family doesn’t seem complete anymore in your heart. 

“I’m blaming Strange,” You muttered to yourself.

“Sir, you’re talking to yourself again.”

“It’s okay, Fri,” You reassured, smiling to yourself.

Friday has been ultra protective you, she may be an AI but in a sense, she was like your sister as Tony created her. Protecting her big brother from losing himself. Friday lost Tony, Pepper, Rhodey. She was not going to lose you in any circumstances. 

“Hey, Fri?”

“Yes?”

“New project,” You called out as you watched Bruce and Scott figure something out across the building.

Glass walls work wonders, you move your suit to the side and Friday brings up a new slate of holograms for you to mess around. 

“Hey, kid,” You hear your dad’s voice next to you, you could sense him probably leaning against the table to examine what you’re up to, “What are you doing?”

“Sir, what is this new project?”

You looked off to the distance as you smile to yourself, a mirror across the way. You looked at yourself and the hallucination of your dad next to you, you look too much alike. Same snarky smile of pure happiness and a confident stance.

“Thanos knows Stark men, he invaded my dreams since I was a child and corrupted my dad’s mind, if Strange says I’m needed then I’ll damn well avenge my father.”

“Hey,”

You jumped at the sudden voice of your dad in your ear, rubbing your eyes out of sleep as you realised that you’ve been sleeping in the lab,

“What day is it?”

“You’ve been passed out for two days sir, you fell asleep the moment you sat down, you haven’t even started your new project.”

“Way for a dramatic flair,” You commented as the AI buzzed in amusement, “What’s going on with shorty and Professor Green?”

“I believe they are ninety per cent in finishing what you have called time-heist.”

You nodded, “I’ll start it after I get food.”

When you had returned back to base Bruce and Scott was nowhere to find as you sat down and got to work. You didn’t know how long you were in the lab for as you reclined in the chair, groaning, your head hurts.

“By the looks of Scott and Bruce out there, Scott turned into a baby?”

Friday didn’t respond as she pulls up the video of Scott and Bruce wild attempt of time travel, as you chuckle as they were entertaining, you shake your head. your shoulders tensing. Getting back to work into the nightfall.

“Look at a mod inspiration, let me see what check out. So, recommend one last sim before we pack it in for the night. This time, in the shape of a Mobius strip, inverted, please. 

”Processing...”

Friday was processing as you wandered around the lab, kicking a soccer ball into the glass walls, you could hear your dad scowling at you for leaving ball prints on the clean glass.

“Give me that eigenvalue. That, particle factoring, and a spectral decomp. Gotta take a second.”

“Just a moment.”

“And don't worry if it doesn't pan out. I'm just kinda-” You were interrupted by Friday.

“Model rendered.”

In a complete shock of amazement, the render comes back as successful. You smacked the ball so hard into the glass that it bounced back into your face, but you didn’t care because you were too bewildered by this discovery.

“Holy fuckin’ shit,” You breathed, then laughing in joy, opening the door of the lab, “Bruce, Scott!”

They peaked out, seeing a stupid grin on your face, Bruce couldn’t help but smile. It’s been a while since you smiled like that, it’s been a while since you got excited over something.

“Call Nebs, we’re doing a time heist...”

“Aw hell yeah!” Scott celebrated.

Bruce looks over to you, watching smile to yourself, you glanced up and did a small nod to his way.

“I’ll make suits, it’ll be the four of us and we need a test run, Scott, you’re up for it?”

“Hell yeah, I am,”

“Okay, so the "how" works. Now we gotta figure out the when and the where.” Bruce speaks as he looks at the three remaining people of heroes.

“That’s easy,” Bruce looks at you with a raised eyebrow, “With all data collected throughout the almost ten years you guys have been Avengers, it has the location of most Infinity stones.”

You looked at the blank face of the green giant, you scoffed as Bruce shakes his head, “I’m confused.”

“Am I seriously the only one who reads the paperwork after your missions and I’m not even part of the team, man.”

“Well... You and your dad are very much alike,” Bruce offers weakly as you pulled a face.

“Anyway...”

As you started your rambling with Bruce trying to write everything down despite Friday recalling your words and putting on the hologram, two stones were talked about by Nebula, after a short silence of awkwardness as she mentions that her sister was murdered by their dad, Thanos. You, Nebula, Bruce and Scott examine the screens.

The holograms displaying the different location, the Soul and Power stones in space in 2014. the Reality stone in Asgard, 2013; and the Space, Mind, and Time stones in New York City 2012.

“Bruce, Scott, you two will go to New York City, Nebula and I will go to Asgard and space,” You initiated s they all nodded.

You never thought you would come to a point that you were a leader, in fact, you hated taking responsibility, you hated leading stuff and people looking up to you for direction - it was too much greatness upon your shoulders in your eyes.

“Don’t fuck it up,” You narrowed your eyes, “I mean it-”

“Yes, sir-” Scott says as you looked at him weirdly, “I mean, Mr Stark, er, no, (Y/n).”

As you suit up, you stare at the old suit that you built with your dad, packing it up into a compressed case and held it together on the transporter. Nebula and Scott give you funny looks but you decided to ignore it. 

“Alright, simple in and out mission,” you called out one last time, “Whatever it takes.”

“You know, to obtain the soul stone you have to sacrifice something, Nebula came back with you,” Bruce says as you looked at him annoyed as you tried to assemble a gauntlet.

“The suit, dad and I made together,” You responded, you shoulders deflating, “Technically, it’s last thing I have of him, not the lab, not his tools, not even Friday. Scrap metal of memories left of my dad. I have nothing left of him. I need my dad back, even if it’s the last thing I do.”

Bruce nods, “Carol hasn’t responded to your messages.”

“It’s fine, I’ve been updating her anyway,”

“You talk to her?”

“She’s a good listener,” You shrugged your shoulder, “Even if I’m talking to her through a hologram. Now, uncle Bruce, silence would be nice.”

Bruce opened his mouth before shutting it closed when you give him a pointed look, you cast your eyes towards the gauntlet again as you picked up the stones gently. With nervous precision, you manipulate the machine and carefully places all six stones into the gauntlet.

“Alright, the glove is ready, the question is who will wear it and bring everyone back?” Bring the iron man like gauntlet out to show to Scott and Bruce, “Where’s Nebula?”

“Toilet?”

“Androids can go to the toilet?” You asked Scott, tilting your head at the man who answered your question.

“It’s 2019 man, anything is possible.”

You gave it some consideration as you agreed as you looked at the two men, you placed the gauntlet down on the table to suit up for any accident, your new suit is something you’ve been working on a few months, full of your ideas and ideas that you found from your dad’s blueprints of your old suit. 

“I’ll do it,” Bruce calls out as Scott and you looked up at the half man half hulk, “But the radiation's mostly gamma,” He takes a good look at the gauntlet, “It's like...uh...I was made for this.”

You nod as you helped Bruce place the gauntlet on, watching the metal adjust to the size of his big hand. Scott and you took a few steps back as Bruce lets out a shaky breath.

“You remember... everyone Thanos snapped away a year ago and just bringing them back to now, today. Don't change anything from the last year.”

“Got it.”

“Hey, Friday, do me a favour and activate dad’s Protocol 8,” You called out as the facility goes down into lockdown.

You bring your mask down of your metal suit as you watch Scott do the same thing. Bruce starts to bring his thoughts into what he wants, electricity running through, Bruce was grunting in pain. You wince to see him in pain.

“Uncle Bruce?”

“I’m good!” Bruce managed to spit out, “I’m okay!”

Bruce screams, fighting through the intense pain coursing through his body courtesy of the gauntlet, and manages to snap his fingers. He faints and the gauntlet slides off his arm. You kick the gauntlet away as you and Scott looked over the giant.

“Brucie?” You asked, your mask coming down as you cooled down his burnt arm.

“Did I do it?”

Scott looks outside, it was brighter and birds were chirping, Bruce managed to open his eyes and see your smiling face.

“The grass is always greener on the other side,” You say as Scott laughs, looking relieved.

You looked over to Scott with a smile, hoping you’ve completed what you wanted to do, hoping you have your dad back as you looked back at Banner, a smile had fallen off his lips. Looking up the skyline and seeing the Sanctuary II up in the sky and a single missile heading towards the base blowing away Scott away. Then a continuous array of missiles destroys the base completely.

“Sir?”

You groaned at the voice of Friday, you get up to your feet and see Thanos sitting by. You breathed heavily, your suit covered in ash and dirt.

“Bruce, Scott?” You called out to your comm, it felt funny for you to be participating in hero action as you were not a hero yourself.

“We have the gauntlet,” Scott calls out, he sounds drowned out, “We’re underground but we can make it out.”

“Keep that damn thing away from Thanos,” You growled.

Your suit whirling, tightening. You breathed heavily, it all or nothing. You started to make your way down there, Thanos smirking as he recognised you when he has been invading your dreams as a little boy.

“You could not live with your own failure. And where did that bring you? Back to me. I thought by eliminating half of life, the other half would thrive. But you’ve shown me that’s impossible. And as long as there are those that remember what was, there will always be those that are unable to accept what can be. They will resist.”

You rolled your eyes at his monologue, “Yeah, we’re all types of stubborn.”

“I'm thankful. Because now, I know what I must do.” He stands up, “I will shred this universe down to its last atom. And then...With the stones you've collected for me, create a new one. Teeming with life, but knows not what it has lost but only what it has been given. A grateful universe.”

You put your mask up as he placed his helmet on, “As long as I’m alive, I’ll be damned.”

“I’ve admired you, (Y/n) Stark, from your pretty little dreams, I find a lot of interesting information about you. You are courageous, I commend you for that. But, unfortunately, as much I would love to keep you around, I can’t have you stand in the way.”

“Tough.”

You weren’t a skilled fighter, but you knew the basic of the Iron Man suits. You were able to hold him back off, and in fact, you were surprising yourself in how well you were fighting a Titan. 

Smacking you into debris as you stumble to stand up, using energy to blast Thanos before he gives you one last kick to the ground. Spitting blood into your suit as you pant, struggling to get onto your feet.

“In all my years of conquest...violence...slaughter... It was never personal. But I'll tell you now... what I'm about to do to your stubborn, annoying little planet... I'm gonna enjoy it. Very, very much.” 

Thanos’ entire army is summoned to the ground which includes the Children of Thanos, Chitauri, Outriders. Upon seeing the army descending on Earth, you straighten your back with a fierce determination, you allowed your suit to self-repair and stand against Thanos' giant army alone. Suddenly, a crackling comes in on his communicator.

AC/DC blaring in your ear.

“Hey, kid!”

You stopped, now is not the time to have a hallucination of your dad.

“Kid? You hear me? Sonny boy?” The playful tease of your dad called into your ear. “(Y/n), incoming!”

You pulled down your mask in confusion as you looked around, seeing a yellow portal open up at your left. Three members walk out with two flying above. The original team. Your dad landing on your right with Cap on your left. Natasha on Steve’s left whilst Thor stood on a rock behind you with Clint comes next to your dad.

Another portal opens up, three figures step through; Okoye, Shuri, and Black Panther, fully restored and ready to fight with Sam zooms in from above in his Falcon armour.

Dozens of more portals opening up all around the battlefield. Through one of these, we see Doctor Strange descend in. He is joined by Drax, Mantis, Star-Lord, and Spider-Man.

Everyone watches in confusion and awe as more and more heroes arrive from all corners of the universe, all backed up with forces of their own including Black Panther and his Wakandan army, Valkyrie and the Asgardians, Wong and the Masters of the Mystic Arts and several Ravager ships.

Amongst the throngs of heroes, we see Bucky, War Machine, Rocket, Groot, the Scarlet Witch, the Wasp, and Pepper Potts (clad in her own iron suit) arrive. Nearly every hero has magically been transported to the battlefield to face Thanos' hordes.

“Please, say I’m not hallucinating,” You muttered to yourself, but Tony puts a hand on your shoulder.

“You’re sane, (Y/n).”

You huffed out a burst of laughter, Tony smiles missing your smile and laughter, “Scott? Bruce?”

Giant-Man emerges from the rubble of the Avengers facility with Professor Hulk. The Avengers, Guardians, Wakandans, Asgardians, and Ravagers take up battle positions. The heroes standing across Thanos' forces.

“Your call, kid,” Steve says to you, patting your shoulder, he figured that you were taking lead.

You pulled your mask up, taking your stance as your side looking at the other side. Thanos makes a fist of fury, angry at the outcome. You saved people, you brought them back, you were not letting them go.

“Avengers Assemble!”

“That thing needs to go back where it belongs!” You shouted in the midst of the fighting, Scott had dropped the gauntlet and with Clint, “He might have broken the quantum tunnel but we need another time machine!”

“The van!” Scott calls out as your team hears you groan.

“Anyone see an ugly brown van anywhere?” You yelled, punching one enemy away from you.

Valkyrie answers back it’s whereabouts as Cint passed the gauntlet over to T’Challa, who was far quicker than Clint. 

“Hey kid,” Tony greets, pausing in his fighting to lift his mask up, you do the same.

“Dad,” You breathed out, embracing him into a hug, “I’ve missed you,”

“I missed you too, bud,” Tony sighs happily, kissing your cheek, “I love you son.”

“I love you too dad.”

The gauntlet managed to get into Peter’s grasp as he flew on the back of Valkyrie's Pegasus. Wanda keeping Thanos preoccupied as the cannons of the ship starts aiming towards the battlefield before it all turned up to the sky.

“What’s going on?” Steve calls out.

“Friday, what are they firing at?” You hear your dad through the communication, as you paused your blasting, looking up to the sky.

“Something just entered the upper atmosphere,” Friday replied.

You smirked, “Hey Carol!”

Captain Marvel flies through the ship, and it results in an explosion and the ship crash-landing in the lake, she hovers over and waves at you.

“Hey, little guy,”

“We need an assist here, Carol!”

As Carol makes her way to the van, you, Tony and Peper form a hovering triangle, blasting in each angel as you spin in a circle, having your back faced to each other. You, Tony and Steve all head over to where Carol was. She flies through all of them easily and reaches Thanos. She keeps punching him, but he knocks her to the ground, wears the gauntlet and tries to snap. But Captain Marvel arises again and stops his fingers from snapping. 

Thanos headbutts her, but it does nothing. 

Thanos pulls the Power Stone out of the Gauntlet and uses it in his free hand to hit Captain Marvel away, then puts the stone back into the Gauntlet.

“(Y/n)!” You turn to see Strange with a questioning look, “You’re needed!”

Strange simply raise one finger, reminding you that the one win over Thanos he foresaw is now at risk. You breathed heavily, everything sounded muted out as you watch the team you grew up and admired struggle. You could hear in the background Steve shouting orders as well as your dad.

You just got your dad back, and yet you were easily going to make the decision that he will live. You nod and attack Thanos, pulling on the Gauntlet before Thanos punches you away.

“(Y/n)!” Tony shouts in desperation at the attack. 

You were on your knees, back straight as you looked at the Titan King, “I am the new beginning.”

Thanos snaps his fingers, but nothing happens except a metallic "clink." He sees the Infinity Stones are missing. You have the stones on your own gauntlet, to Thanos' shock

“I think not.”

You snap your fingers with a loud "CLANG" and a blinding flash of white. Rocket fires at a Leviathan and before it devours him, it crumbles into ash. The Black Order starts crumbling to ash. T'Challa and Quill look around in surprise; Steve looks on in exhaustion, knowing that they won. 

Thanos, in horror, looks around and sees his entire army disintegrate. He looks at Steve, who just stares at him. Thanos sits down and mourns before slowly being erased from existence himself.

Tony snaps his head over to you, your metal suit releases you from inside as you crumble down onto the floor. 

“Kid? Buddy? (Y/n)?” Tony frantically calls out as he gets out of his own suit.

He runs up to you, pulling you into his arms. Your breathing is shallow and your right side is completely destroyed as he clutches you tight in desperation. Pepper, Rhodey and Peter all fly over to you.

“Come on, (Y/n), you’re gonna make it,” Tony’s voice cracked, crumbled, tears forming and staining his cheeks.

“My sweet boy,” Pepper coos, fixing your hair as tears were building up in everyone eyes.

Peter gasping, unable to breathe, he found a family, a brother who would tease him and love him no matter what, fading quickly. Rhodey looking at his godson, Tony was not a religious man but they all pray for a God now.

“I did....” You croaked out, you stare at your dad, “it for you, dad...”

“You’ve done me proud, you always make me proud,” Tony chokes, pulling you closer, allowing you to rest your head on his shoulder, your face buried into his neck, “I love you.”

He could see your mouth move, but nothing seems to come out but he hears one last thing, Tony Stark breaks down. He gets you back, you did it for him, only for him to hear your last breath.

Not all of you shall die, Tony decides, your legacy will continue. 

[akiwisfics]

In the Middle Chapter 3

Notes: Cross-posted from AO3. If people get annoyed by this, please savior “kiwi crossposts” to save your eyes.

Description:  The war's over, but the mess is still left behind. Kasumi finds herself among the wreckage with unexpected companions and questions that seem almost impossible to answer for. Life keeps moving forward, however, and the surprises it leaves behind aren't always pleasant ones.

Pairings: KasumixSha’ira

--

“Identify yourself. Now.”

Shit. Kasumi's voice had all but died in her throat, whether out of nerves or sheer stubbornness. The years as a criminal were playing in her favor. After all, she was familiar with that tone, the authority, dark, dire inflections. Military always had a certain urgency in it too, as if disobedience would spell death for everyone. In Shepard's voice, that had always been the truth of the matter-- the nice thing about being under command. You had free will until it became necessary to tie the leash around the neck. But this wasn't a leash though; it was a noose. And Kasumi knew better.

"Ms. Maeda," Sha'ira called softly by her side. It came with the nails digging into her thigh. "The channel isn't showing up. They already know you are... different."

A credible threat, more like it. No wonder they freaked out when she spoke. She bit the inside of her cheek, cursing quietly under her breath. Of course. She never even gave her omni-tool much thought when she started flipping through the communication channels. Her programs were as natural and automatic as the thought to use it, and more often than not, it'd automatically decrypt anything, so long as she had came across it before. Why they needed it at all was a different matter entirely.

The security alone would give a wide depth of possibilities. Kasumi knew most any model and program available on the market, and several ones, modded and filled with complexity, that no one was ever supposed to figure out. However, the necessity of it narrowed it down significantly. Merc groups would, but the channel would be rudimentary at best, and there would be a different sort of awkwardness. Silence. That left only two other possibilities.

"So are you military, or are there still spectres running around?"

"This isn't some joke--"

"Really? Because I was sorta wondering what the fuss would be about to require all the hiding and the panic when someone's better than you. Obviously, you didn't want me to find you. STG maybe?"

There was a choking noise and some kind of scuffling-- rustling of hushed voices, static for just a moment. Kasumi could already feel her patience wearing thin. Surprise was influencing it, sure, but it sounded like something else, strategizing maybe. A lot of communications like this were like negotiations; see who was willing to bite the bullet first. STG were quite familiar with it, she was sure. Kasumi had ran into a few groups off and on during the war, usually after a similar goal. Other times, they just happened to 'pass' by each other for different things.

They were professional, fluid and competent even. If Kasumi had to give herself any rival, she would probably pick the group-- if not for Quarn (and she would never give him the dignity of it). It mostly wasn't out of cockiness, but simply the admiration for their efficiency, and if she made it a race for herself, a challenge. Even if they didn't know about that last part.

"Is everything alright?" Sha'ira asked, once she realized the silence was no longer just on their side.

"Not sure," she answered honestly. "I think they're figuring things out."

Sha'ira's jaw clenched before she nodded stiffly. "How were you able to do that?"

"Later."

She didn't fight the answer; knew better not to. The mic was still on after all, and it was never wise to give away trade secrets. It was always much harder coming into it dark though. When they touched down on Earth, they had no guarantee anyone would be in the area. Sure, Kasumi figured-- maybe some a little on the shadier side than others. This was complicated though. And not nearly enough time for it.

A sigh escaped from her. "Hey, look. I don't want any tr--"

"Ms. Goto."

For a second, Kasumi felt her heart shrivel and die within her own chest. She loved the Normandy and everyone inside of it. It all changed her life to something she could've never imagined when she lost everything twice. However, the voice on the other end reminded her of why she never reached out afterward, of the chill that clawed its way up her spine before making itself home in a pit in her stomach-- a place where she could almost believe would never be warm again. "Justicar Samara." she laughed, but it came off so hoarse to her, cracked. "Now I know it's a party."

"I had hoped I would not see you again."

"Can definitely disappear to make sure that's still the case."

"I am afraid that is no longer possible." Kasumi stuffed the choke that was filling her throat. Already, she could imagine the gun barrel leveled against her forehead, or maybe that brief glow of biotics before her neck snapped. The cracking, shattering of bones being that last sound in her ears. "Your name is recognizable among the group. They will not let this go without meeting you."

"I'm not stupid!" she snarled. "You don't expect me to fall for that bullshit, do you? They're not just going to let a security threat go, Samara, and you know it!" Was there any choice in the matter though? The thought stopped her in her tracks. Who knows how long they had been there over their group. If any case, they were more organized, and more trained. If she fled, they would certainly be worse off for it. And this urban jungle? Even before it was reduced to shambles, she hadn't the foggiest clue how it was all laid out-- where to hide best, where to lay out the best counter attack. She'd might buy herself a few weeks, but Samara knew her enough. Enough to fish her out as the huntress she was.

The tension sang in every part of her, and she could tell that Sha'ira felt it. The hand moved to her shoulder, gentle and warm, but there was nothing that could sooth the fear driving her heart at that moment.

"Only one path will lead to mercy, Ms. Goto. We will be in the old university," and then, Samara seemed to hesitate, something that broke the facade she was so used to. "Be wise about this."

She didn't answer, instead shutting off her omni-tool completely, and resisting the urge to kick the stupid tower off the damn building. They were going to kill her. She couldn't see any other solution the whole thing, other than perhaps imprisoning her for whatever the hell secrets Kasumi could've and definitely have stolen. Everything in her body was screaming for her to run, to lose everything within the confines of the city-- see how long it took for them to give up, if they ever did. The only thing that stopped her was the hand on her shoulder.

"Ms. Maeda. Talk to me." Sha'ira's voice was as soothing as ever. It would be easier if she said nothing and started running. At least enough time to change things maybe, to leave something behind. Samara was serious, always was. There wasn't much that could dissuade her.

"You said this was where I was needed, right?"

"Something akin to that. ... What have you done exactly to warrant a justicar's attention?"

Kasumi shrugged helplessly. It didn't matter, and if Sha'ira gave it much thought, any answer she'd give would be likely, no matter what the truth was. With a sigh, she stood to her feet, head swimming with different options. Running wouldn't get her very far, but at least, it'd might be her some time to call for a quick pick-up. She didn't like calling attention to herself like that though, and if they were close enough, Samara's group would definitely notice another shuttle coming down.

And then there'd be the months of running. Sometimes, a name was just enough to pursue. It was better than seeing if she could appeal to Samara's emotional nature though. She had no reason to spare her now with Shepard gone. Still, she felt the fingers on her arm, Sha'ira's grasp loose and delicate. "Ms. Maeda," she started carefully. "They asked you to come to them. Didn't they?"

"I don't think Shepard's word will get me out of this one."

"I might though."

She glanced back to the consort, saw the pensive, taut lines in her frown, the way the concern darkened her blue eyes, but a confidence that relaxed her shoulders, kept her grip just tight enough to make Kasumi hesitate. "You wouldn't happen to have a law degree hiding in that secret history of yours, would you?"

Sha'ira grimaced. "Not exactly, but a lawyer cannot change a mind like I can."

"You sound pretty sure of yourself."

"Influence can be a powerful tool," she said, "And you will need someone to trust, Ms. Maeda."

Trust. That was a tricky word.

"Please."

It'd certainly save her some trouble if Sha'ira could. The hand on her arm tightened, nails digging in. Kasumi looked at the space between them, and cursed silently. "We'll need a shuttle."

The smile on her face afterward was brilliant, no longer showing the concern, but just enough that for a brief moment, she could almost believe the power that was there. Changing hearts was a dangerous, intimidating power, but there was something so sweet about that smile-- a bit of that optimism coming back. "The others won't know of this."

She just hoped Sha'ira was right.

--

The last night on the Normandy had been a quiet one. Kasumi knew it would come as no surprise to anyone if she left. Earth was looming on the horizon, a long and forlorn trip for even their commander and hero. War crimes weren't on her agenda, not the sort that killed and massacred so many people in the process. She understood why it happened, applauded it even for what it meant. No one had been ready for what was coming.

But they were still people. No matter how much the resentment grew as a poisonous knife inside her, digging and digging, she knew removing that aspect would hardly be better than the years she spent in chains. And a child, a child didn't understand that sort of thing anyway. There would be nothing to erase the tragedy in taking their lives, and the way that Shepard seemed to internalize the blood seeping into her hands, the first ugly marks of the war, was all too painful to watch.

Rather than watching their only hope be dragged into a long court battle, it was easier to leave. Saved a lot of the awkward questions that would come from the Alliance anyway, especially with the lovely stolen items that helpfully decorated her room (and she remembered perhaps a little bitterly, how tackishly they designed it later). It didn't take much to pack, and by the time they touched down on Illium for one brief stop before heading back, it was just a couple of minutes of slipping out of the lock.

If Kasumi had to choose where she'd like to be dropped off, Illium would've been in the bottom of the list, only topped by Earth. The path up to becoming the best was always dirty, bloodied, and filled with so many mistakes that sometimes made it just too awkward. Illium was familiar though with plenty of places to hide in the bright neon lights and fake smiles that awaited her.

The dock was pretty much deserted, which made it easy to spot the flash of red and gold armor. Samara stood as a stiff guard, peering out at the Normandy's sheen metal and the void of the galaxy with a sternness and stoicism that put a wall up to anyone that approached her. Oh, but they both knew better, didn't they? At the core, there was a grieving mother.

Grief. She wished it wasn't a feeling that haunted her.

She had set out to merely pass by Samara, but the eyes were on her almost immediately as she passed. The gaze was tired, weighed by stress, and perhaps, a bit of listlessness to them. The hunt was over, and Kasumi could recognize the lost, perplexed feelings behind it. A door was supposed to be closed on their lives, but love always wanted it just a little cracked. Just in case.

"Do you have a home here?" Samara asked.

"Depends on what you mean by that. A place to stay, certainly." A little reluctantly, she joined her at the window, splaying her hands against the glass. Cold. Sometimes she missed real sunlight, even the kind that beat down her back and crisped her sensitive skin for weeks. "I guess Earth isn't exactly thrilling for you either."

"My work is done."

The silence that followed was awkward, even as they both remained rooted to their spots. It had been easy to tell that Samara wanted to say something, even at the early stages of their conversation. However, distance was always a safe tool to use. People picked up and trailed along with the meaningless subjects easily enough, keeping the questions as just that. Samara had a different kind of distance though; simply becoming such an empowering presence that no one dared to voice their curiosity. But a lie was still a lie no matter how well painted it was.

"Do you believe in justice, Ms. Goto?"

She stole a quick glance. Samara remained as still as ever, contemplative. "... I'm not sure," Kasumi shrugged. "You think I can still believe in it with my choices?"

"A concept exists, no matter how we may go against it."

"But you want me to admit that I'll get jailed and die there. That's what justice is."

"That is fate." Her frown only deepened, curling her fingers against the window. Samara hesitated for only just a moment before laying her hand on Kasumi's shoulder, loose and almost warm if Kasumi could fool herself long enough. "You chose this life, correct?"

She chose to believe that. The honest answer wasn't as clear-cut as she'd like to admit, but that first step, that first move, that was hers. Something she could happily own and hold with pride among everything else. "I want to keep living," Kasumi said sharply, "That's good enough."

"And so do the ones you cause suffering to." Then her eyes softened, almost motherly. "I have seen enough to know of your intentions, Ms. Goto. You will take responsibility. And when you are called, you will come to accept your actions."

"By you or someone else?"

Her hand had been warm, but any comfort had been replaced by the thrum of biotics running beneath the justicar's skin. She squeezed once, twice, before beginning a slow walk down the dock, and toward the harsh neon lights that had awaited both of them.

The warning had been clear then and still was now. In another life, maybe she could've ended up like Samara. They both had a bit of obsessiveness toward them, dedicating so much to what they believed in, to the best of their talents. For Samara, it was about morality, redemption for what she believed was creating a monster out of love. Kasumi could understand it, in some basic part of herself, the part that still screamed for something that was no longer there.

She was motivated by morality. Kasumi was motivated by the sense of release-- emotional, mental. It was the storm of passion that brewed inside of her; however now, it might as well have been in the process of killing her.

Sha'ira's eyes were soft when she watched her. The trip to the old university wouldn't be a long trip, just a few miles out from their campsite. The place had been leveled by the end of the war, when the crucible fell apart like it did, pieces of scrap metal and old giants crumbling to the floor of the city. Kasumi couldn't imagine it from the ground level, the sudden, halting silence that would've overwhelmed the battlefield. In a way, she thought it would be a gold mine for material, but it would be too much to see a spot of red hair among the wreckage.

Now though, she had no choice. The ride was steady at least, unlike the trip to ground. Maybe it was the pilot then. However, Sha'ira's presence was almost painful in the sort of concern that she showed. It didn't take long for the questions to start.

"I meant it when I said none of this would be getting to the others," she started, smooth and careful. Always very careful. "But I need to understand. We both know Izumi Maeda is a lie."

She didn't say a word. It wouldn't do much good that way. Sha'ira could turn and retract her support, even as she knew she was her visitor that time ago. It would be an awkward few minutes, and a long, grueling conversation once they got there. Even if it wasn't fair to leave her there in the dark.

"Who are you?"

Kasumi smiled. "You know, you never gave your guess on that."

"My answer came with the angry justicar. Left us with very few options."

"And that isn't enough?"

Sha'ira sighed, lips curling with either out of frustration or thought-- Kasumi wasn't sure. "It will make defending you much more difficult. The nice thing about a debate is going in with more knowledge than your opponent, wouldn't you agree?"

"Do you really 'debate' over a person?"

"Enough so. I'm getting the feeling the people we are meeting are much more familiar with you than I am."

Because she never stole from the consort. They didn't know enough either, or else the label of terrorist would also be a fitting title. There was a reason why it was so simple to decode something like that, without any prior thought into it. Maybe they did and that was why the action was so immediate. Kasumi nodded. "I worked with the justicar."

"... And you're... not dead yet? Was that with Shepard?"

"Sorta."

Sha'ira laughed. "Her charisma will continue to amaze me until the day I die it seems." Shepard was good at that, and she thought she'd spend years after this wondering if she hadn't missed something about the Commander before everything happened. It was so hard to parse the person out of the heroic face that was behind it all. What was real about it, what wasn't. She had either been the greatest liar in the galaxy, or all of it was real, and that-- that Kasumi could never fully believe.

Sacrifice was a weird thing. She wasn't sure how it all worked, though the need had never really been there to understand it. It was always meant for people who were better at it, who had the desire to fight for something more than just themselves. There were fleeting times where she felt it, but righteousness was a concept she rarely felt justified in representing.

“You know, you should consider yourself lucky.”

When she looked back at Sha’ira, she caught the small traces of the smile before, just as they spotted the small touches of red and gold in the rubble. “Not many get to work alongside the justicar. Especially one that would cause… ire.”

“A dying art can do that.”

Sha’ira hesitated. Kasumi didn’t fight it, instead focusing on the smoke and rubble below for the distinct colors of Samara’s armor. It was always something dynamic, yet elegant. She still had her red suit, stuffed in a corner at her apartment in Illium. Last she heard, the rotten city had fared better. “Is killing really an art?”

She saw it then, the reds and golds, and already felt the hard gaze that would greet them once they touched down, in a small clearing around the rubble. “In the worst places.”

The touchdown wasn’t easy. The engine still rumbled and shook as if awakening from a long slumber, a bad sign as any for their benefactor's money. In some part, Kasumi could be relieve it simply wasn't the pilot's lack of skill, and perhaps, if they were lucky, they would simply die a hurtling ball of screeching, fiery metal, but no. It choked and sputtered noisily, but despite it, it landed simply in a large clearing, not far from the rumbles of the old university.

And as the door opened, it wasn't difficult to see the flash of blood and gold waiting for them further ahead.

Kasumi could recall two or three times where she genuinely was terrified of something. The vents that suffocated her and the dying screams of a melting colonist, the calculating eye of a batarian putting a monetary value on her life, and now, the way Samara stood as still as a statue, waiting for them with a stoicism that gave her little comfort for the future.

Sha’ira lead with all the grace of royalty, and before she could protest, had secured an arm around Kasumi’s own, either to comfort or to secure her to her earlier decision. Mud caked the broken street between them, only breaking away to make home on their shoes. The sky was dreary, bringing a promise of more to come with that good, earthy scent that could only be described as spring mist. In some way, Kasumi could still draw comfort in the way it muffled her steps, something so perfect and so hardly used when most of her travels brought her to controlled environments. Citadel, Illium. It was hard not to think of them without thinking about the Normandy.

If some part of Samara thought back on that time fondly, she may have some chance to stay alive. For now, Samara seemed to outright ignore her, instead focusing on Sha’ira with a briefest break of her mask, eyes widened and scowling deeply.

“Consort. You were not expected.”

“I apologize, but seeing as Ms. Maeda has been part of my group, I thought she’d might need a friend.”

Samara glanced toward Kasumi, something that could almost be described as amusement in her eyes, if she could maybe believe they were there for anything other than this. But it disappeared long before she could ever put a proper name to it, and Samara turned on her heel, leading them toward a halo of crushed buildings and metallic structures that Kasumi could vaguely recognize. Some she had worked on personally, others through notes and conversations that had been passed around her. The Crucible had been a fine project for its intended purpose. But only that.

They walked for some time in a stiff and suffocating silence, just enough to reach first of many crucible leftovers before Samara hesitated to speak again. “Have you been told anything?”

“Enough.” Sha’ira responded easily. “Shepard thought fondly of both of you, I’m sure.”

“Yes…. She would not be happy to see this.”

They never talked about that. Kasumi was always happy to share the galaxy with her, within reason. There were just some things that never needed to be crossed. Whether or not Shepard would pursue her one day was one of them. Maybe it was fortunate that life answered that question for them.

“Would Shepard put her faith on someone who didn’t deserve it?”

“Whether she deserves it or not is not the issue, Consort. I have my obligations, and so do they. Your… Our friend has created a situation. And likely has lied to you and your group.”

Sha’ira tightened the grip on her arm, as if looking to shield her away. The gesture was almost flattering, but not as much as Samara thinking of her as a friend. Perhaps to placate both of them. “And you’re happy to let me into this conversation blind?”

Samara stopped then, looking back at the pair with a cold eye. Kasumi knew what was coming before the name had even slipped from her lips, felt the air ice and thicken like a blade, and all at once, she gulped. “Ms. Goto.” Then she felt Sha’ira stiffen beside her. “Will you two need a moment?”

“Ahh—“

“To have someone so notorious in our group. That is remarkable.” Sha’ira then seemed to dismiss the offer entirely. “I am not sure any conversation may actually prepare myself for this. I suppose the rumors are true then?”

Kasumi grimaced. “Depends on what and where from. I do send out the occasional slander article.”

She even had the gall to laugh. “Well-done. Spin enough fairy tales, and no one would even believe of your existence.”

“That’s the idea.”

Sha’ira left the topic where it was with nothing more than a brief smile before she ushered both her and Samara this time into a clearing of tents not far, just a little down the block. Kasumi could see a pillow of smoke behind a fallen reaper claw, stationary and no doubt a sign of a fire that was being well-managed. Her best guess at this point was STG. They were really the only candidates that she could ever see Samara tolerating for extended periods of time. Why though was simply beyond her.

Running into the Justicar hadn’t even occurred to her, now that Thessia laid in ruins. Something had pulled them here, and the location was beyond far from coincidence.

Perhaps an advantage could be made there, or a quick invitation to her murder. It would’ve been easier knowing Mr. Authority, she thought.

She noticed the stiffness in Samara’s shoulders once they breached the perimeter of the camp. For the urgency that had been in their conversation, it was pleasantly quiet with almost a neurotic organizational neatness that she had come to expect from salarians. The area was wide, almost scattered, but she’d seen enough to see the order within it. Many of the tents were shadowed by something, usually rubble, but none of them were completely obscured from view of the other tents. From far away it’d seem like nothing, but here, here it was civilization at its early legs.

A small fire was brewing in the center with a salarian clad in brown armor idly stoking it as he waited. There was a small number surrounding him, but if Kasumi listened just long enough, she could hear murmurs of more. Not much more. Small group then. At their approach, he craned his head, and immediately stood with broad shoulders, scowl clear on his features.

Ah. So that was Mr. Authority. He looked… older than Kasumi had expected. There was a weight in his amphibious eyes with scales lining his jaw and forehead. There was still an active, calculating glint in his eyes—an intuition that earned him his place in STG.

Samara yanked at her arm with a tight, squeezing grip and brought her forward to show. The shift in demeanor from the Justicar was immediately obvious, and true to her word, Kasumi didn’t fight back. Not until she had some idea of the numbers. It usually didn’t take much to slip out for a quick getaway, but if there was someone manning the perimeter, still in a tent on the outer skirts, passively watching, she would be in trouble.

The smile was grim by the time he reached them. “Ms. Goto,” he greeted. “Your STG report is quite… bare.”

“It’s how I’d like to keep it if it’s all the same to you.”

He responded by yanking down the hood of her jacket. She snapped her head away, and would’ve brought fists, surely, but salarians were quick bastards. Her hands curled just enough and two of them had flanked her, yanking and pinning her tightly by her arms. Her heart sunk once she saw the omni-tool and a distinct camera flash.

“This… Is this really necessary?” Sha’ira questioned, but seemed cautious, uncertain. “I understand Ms. Goto has a… worrisome reputation, but she hasn’t shown any ill intent toward our group.”

“She’s there already. That should worry you enough.”

“Oh yes. I am sure there’s plenty to steal here… in this very desolate city.” Snark. Nice.

He narrowed his eyes. “Simplification doesn’t suit you, Consort,” then he sighed, and turned his attention toward Kasumi with something that seemed more tired, a heavy gaze. “The Alliance has managed to recover most of its archive, save for one important detail.”

“Has it?” She kept her eyes away, to one of the tents in the back. There was a pair of salarians there, unconcerned, but every now and then, they would glance back to the commotion.

“Where are the blueprints?”

Oh, so that was what this was about. Sure, her hands may have slipped once or twice through the panic of trying to recover everything. Instead, Kasumi shrugged, finally looking at Mr. Authority with a careless smile. “Can’t say I’d know. Had my own bit of problems there, sir.” Which was partly true, so she had Tianna do it.

He sighed and rubbed a few chin scales, but if Kasumi looked hard enough, she could almost swear that there was a smile. Though that didn’t make much sense, did it? “You realize gathering the resources would be nigh impos—“

“I’m greedy, not stupid.”

“Then you plan on selling it?”

“Except I don’t have it.” There was that almost smile again.

“But you know what it is.”

She had a response ready, but Sha’ira made a noise, roughly and quickly tugging the soldiers away from her. The scowl on her face was deep and unsettled. “I am sure you enjoy going in circles as much as I do.” Mr. Authority mumbled something in response, but didn’t prevent her freedom. “However, I would rather we didn’t waste our times with something we can’t afford to worry about. No one in this galaxy can afford to build the Crucible, Major.”

His brow raised, but he didn’t say a word at first. He glanced away, humming in thought, glanced back behind them to Samara before shrugging in defeat. “We do have a more immediate problem,” he admitted before offering his hand. “Surrender your gun, Ms. Goto, and everything you use for your career.”

“I don’t think so.” If they had the presence of mind, they would simply remove her omni-tool and be done with it. It was easier to fight back on it now before they started to dig through the tent and find personal things. Like the grey-box, or whatever old photos she had left. Things that tied everything together. It was so much easier to seem less than human without all the personal shit. However, she began to step back, she felt warm hands on her shoulders, thrumming with biotics.

She still had the flashbang grenade in her back pocket. It wouldn’t be fair to leave Sha’ira to deal with it, but.

“Be wise. You cannot outrun all of them.”

Samara had never seen her try. In the Normandy, it was always about running toward the problem, and even as she never felt like a perfect soldier, it was about acting the part. Kasumi never ran all that fast. It was much easier to let Shepard deal with the problem a bit first. Again, there were the questions involved though. Where would she go? How long could she really hide out there without any rations?

Then something caught her eye. Further out in the clearing, high in the sky, a camera floated, pearly white and pristine against the muck and grey that surrounded them. How long had that been there? It didn’t seem like anyone else noticed yet, likely waiting for her decision. Alerting them would provide a pleasant enough distraction—

No. There was a potential resource there.

“Alright. But the omni-tool stays with me.”

“As a thief? I don’t—“

“Major.” That one word cut through the conversation like a knife. “If you had the sense, you would confine her to this very camp with her reputation. Don’t render her useless in her best skill.” There was a hidden smirk in there when she glanced back to Kasumi, just hints of it with the way her mouth twitched. “Further exposure is the last thing you would like to consider, correct?”

“Ideally.”

“Let her keep it, and I can ensure her silence. I promise you.”

He sighed, offering his hand with reluctance and thinly veiled exhaustion. “The gun then, Ms. Goto. And any mods. I know some of them are just for work.”

“This might take a while.”

---

The camera didn’t start leaving until after she had reassembled her omni-tool. Mods were funny like that, and the second thing she had learned to build after those damn implants had been omni-tools. The batarians never let her touch the stuff, of course, but every now and then, she’d have a chance to watch her handler repair a few. The bits of wires and metal had fascinated her.

In the end, everything looked the same taken apart. Some had more pieces, but when you got right down to it, it was all pieces of metal and wires and plastic. When she was younger, when she was thought more as a pyjak than a human, it all seemed rather mystical to her that one could create opportunities and the other could close them.

Her first model had been a gift from her savior-- an asari, with as much grace as an old dynasty empress and a near eroticism that she thought would haunt her for her entire life. Like before, the test was to break and rebuild. To take and give. She had gone through a lot of models that way, but in the end, it was still basically the same. A bunch of metal and wires.

Her current model was a Savant, though it was the first time she had seen it in the actual commercial form. Keiji and her had been on a date together when he asked if she could repair it for him. There were so many smiles then, and the challenge, the passion within her, had caved his reason. She kept it, and made it into something that was hers instead.

Now that he was gone, she was sorta thankful that she had done it. The grey-box was enough.

Everything seemed a bit calmer now. Sha’ira had settled beside her for a little while, hand against her back and watching with earnest, as if they were back at their own camp like before. However, it didn’t take long before something about the STG group called her attention, a soldier perhaps that had been there before. She just remembered an imprint of a smile and how lightly, quietly, she had moved away from her. If she was younger, she could see how people were so easily mystified by Sha’ira.

Major Kirrahe, as she would find out by one of the soldiers later in the building, had kept an eye on her at first, but it was far too easy for him to be distracted by something. It was only a few minutes before someone had called to him for some other urgent issue. All that he left behind was exhaustion.

Samara. Samara was the only one who stayed, but there wasn’t any judgment there anymore.

“What’s the Major like?” she had asked at one point.

“Strong. He knew Shepard as well.”

“But that’s not why you came along.”

Samara smiled grimly. “You know very well why I’m here, Ms. Goto.”

Even without the plans, there was still a chance someone could see how the wires needed to connect. “I’m glad you did, Samara.” She really did. This wasn’t her war anymore, but there was still someone left. It was so easy to forget about that.

They didn’t talk again until after the camera started leaving. She didn’t allow for much. Kasumi had simply stood with a quick, “Bathroom,” before she started to trace its path. Samara didn’t follow, and she made sure, with some quick strides, that she would slip out before anyone noticed. It wasn’t hard, just into the right shadow and the right amount of silence. All she had to do was keep the camera in sight.

It wasn’t hard to keep out of its sight as well, only now interested in returning to its owner it seemed. What an odd thing to find among the wreckage! There didn’t seem to be much worth getting among all of the ruins, but surveying brought a few ideas on the owner.

The journey wasn’t long, but there was obvious care taken to stay out of the STG’s searching area. Most of the trail was the same as the last couple of miles, of broken brick, steel, and something ashy and ugly filling the nostrils. She had to climb over a reaper leg at one point, but that had been the largest obstacle. The metal was cold. If there had been any life there, it was long gone now.

Ten minutes in and it rounded around a half-stood wall with some pharmaceutical sign slung over the side before it finally stopped. Kasumi let the silence soak in for a moment, took in the drop to something colder, something damp, and then followed its path. What followed hadn’t really surprised her, but on the scale of nice surprises, it was certainly on the bottom.

Khalisah Al-Jilani wasn’t surprised to see her, that much was for sure. She glanced once in her direction before pressing on the camera’s side, retrieving a disc from one of its open slots.  “Well, that was risky,” she finally noted as she slipped the disc in a bag beside her. A quick look was enough to tell Kasumi the journalist had settled herself nicely there, with a small tent, nice artificial material for the weather, small fire. She’d been there for a while. “Notorious criminal disappears after strangely being okay with surrendering her weapons? I’d might think twice about going back.”

“And you recording wasn’t?”

“They don’t know I’m here, Ms. Goto. I intend to keep it that way.”

Not surprising. Kasumi glanced to her bag, mouth twitching. This was material for something else then, more damaging. If it hadn’t been her face, she’d might have agreed with the idea. “They won’t if you give that to me.”

Khalisah smirked. “Nervous? It was a little stupid for you to go.”

“I’m sure the whole thief thing paints the idea of being an abandoning, back-stabbing scoundrel, but I do have my few obligations.”

She waved it off and retreated back toward the tent with the bag, slipping it inside and finalizing her answer with a zip. So the disc wasn’t coming with Kasumi then. Great. “So,” she began as she sat by the small fire. The invitation to join her only seemed to be implied, “Why was the consort there?”

“Er. The kindness of her heart?”

“Oh. Sure. And you’ll tell me she just happened to be walking by when the threats started.” Shit. “As fun as this is, I’m not stupid. I could use you.” It shouldn’t have surprised her that they came with the same strategy in mind, but there was still something infinitely frustrating about it. It was always easier when she could catch someone off-guard. “They’re there digging, and I want to make sure they’ll think twice if they find something interesting.”

“Let’s give them another reason to kill me as soon as it’s convenient, is what you’re really saying, right?”

“With the right information? Maybe not.”

“I’m still the only one sticking my neck out there, Al-Jilani,” and she waved it off, made a big show to go, but the curiosity was still there, as much as she wanted to deny it. There could be weeks of recording there, a potential well of resources and intel for the taking. She wasn’t about to give her consent so easily without a good show, and assurance that her face wouldn’t appear anywhere else. “It’s only if you find something worth showing off, right? Then I don’t have a reason to come back. Just be careful~��� She waved it away and began walking as casually as she could.

“Hey!” Khalisah called after her, but as far as Kasumi could tell, she didn’t move from her spot. “What ever happened to your grandmother?”

And the humor, the voice, everything died inside her throat. She clenched her jaw and swallowed once, twice before turning on her heel, showing the best confusion she could muster for that one singular moment.

Khalisah smiled with full knowledge that she had won.

[mentalillnessmouse]

(p1) Hi, I'm writing because I feel there is no hope for me. I'm 30, I live at home where I get verbally mistreated (it was physical when I was younger.) I'm morbidly obese, agoraphobic, I literally didn't leave the house for a 2 year period and still rarely do. I have 0 friends and never had any except a few online ones who ditched me years ago. I was bullied constantly. I have self-harm marks all over my arms. I've NEVER had a job, or finished high school. I still almost never leave the house.

(p2) I’ve asked for help to learn to drive, but they tell me I can’t. I guess because they call me autistic and tell me I am not very smart and make jokes about me having ADHD. I took those comments seriously and they told me I was “looking for problems.” WHAT? I made the mistake of speaking with a few psychiatrists about it who shut me down because, in their words, I didn’t “look” like I had those issues. And that my parents had hard jobs so it made sense they would lash out at me. 

(p3) I deal with other issues too like menorrhagia. A doctor had me do an ultrasound (this was like my 3rd one since ‘06) and sent me to a specialist because they saw something. The specialist said she didn’t think anything was there and wasn’t going to actually examine me. I gave up. I’m afraid to speak up for myself, I genuinely don’t understand how to live, make friends, talk to people. I feel like I just have TOO MANY issues. And at my age I don’t see why anyone would bother with me anymore.

(p4) I have an appt with a psych at the same place as the others because I have my city’s free insurance and nowhere else to go. I don’t know if I can do it again after this? I just wanted somewhere to reach out at least one more time :( I’ve reached out to others (like extended family) who will talk to me for a bit then ignore? I can’t help but to feel damaged or like I’m doing something wrong I can’t figure out. I feel like a weak loser and I didn’t try good enough.I’m sorry this is so long

Hello Anon, 

I’m mod Bee and I’ll do my best to help you out, but I received help myself from the other mods to write you back. So this is a communal effort!

Thank you for reaching out, and I’m sorry you’re going though such a difficult and distressing situation. You sound strong and tenacious, and I’m proud of you for the way you keep trying to improve your life. 

We have some suggestions that we hope can be of help. They’ll concerne:

finding online communities/groups to hang out with

finding a professional that suits your needs 

looking for courses you can join 

thinking about possible job options 

Just an head up: this is going to be long, and it will contain tons of links. I’ll highlight one - that I think it’s most useful - for each section, but I suggest you to go through them all. 

1. finding online communities/groups to hang out with

Having friends is important for our mental health, but it can get difficult to make new ones, especially when we’ve been burned before.  

Online communities, forums, and groups, can be good places to start looking for friends again. You can approach them with as much caution as you need, and find those people you relate with the most.

If you like games, and rpgs in particular, there are online options that allow you to connect with other others all over the world. Activities like Dungeon&Dragons are based around players’ interactions, so you’d get to know people without putting the stress on forging new friendships. The article 10 Best Online Chat Rooms & Games suggests other equally fitting games. 

Forums and groups where you can share your experience and fears are another important tool you can use. I’ve looked into active ones and found Panic Disorder and Agoraphobia Forum, r/Agoraphobia/ (on reddit), bus (a self-harm support forum), Mental health support group and discussion community, Online Support Groups by Turn2Me, PsychForums (Psychology and Mental Health Forums), and the ReachOut app.

Trying with pen pals - a one on one exchange - could also be a good idea: InterPals and PenPalWorld are only two of the many websites dedicated to this purpose. Here’s some tips on how it works.

Finally, there are apps with the specific purpose of finding new friends, like Bumble BFF. Try to see if you there’s one of your liking in this list.

2. finding a professional that suits your needs

We usually recommend what it’s colloquially called “psychiatrist/therapist shopping”, the act of choosing a professional after inquiring what we need to know of their line of work, based on our own wishes, and asking this to more than one.

It’s difficult when insurance covers just a little portion of professionals, but not impossible. 

Can’t afford therapy? No insurance? Need low cost options? Here is a great list of ways to get help when money or insurance is an issue.

Therapy For Every Budget: How To Access It

9 Ways to Get Free or Cheap Therapy When You Don’t Have Health Insurance

Dial 211 for Essential Community Services: if you call 211, you can ask about free therapy options in your area, or how to work with you insurance to afford other professionals.

If none of these options work out, and you have to stick with the professional your insurance provides, there are measures you can take that might help making the sessions successful. Check out 21 Tips for getting the most out of each therapy session and How to Talk to Your Doctors When They Don’t Listen. 

If your new psychiatrist tries to dismiss you without hearing everything that you have to say, insist that they write on your record exactly what they did and why, and that you absolutely want a copy of it before you exit their room. It’s your right to have both your requests accomplished. I know it’s not easy to have them respected: you’ll probably have to stand your ground and that can be difficult, but I think it’s important for you and fundamental for what you can get out of this session. This is a post with links to various module you can complete to help you assert yourself, which I suggest you to start before going to your appointment, if you can. It can be useful to face your family, too.

Does your insurance cover a different specialist for the gynecological problem your doctor wanted you to check out? Is there any free or low-cost clinic near you, like Planned Parenthood or Free Clinic? You can inquire about their services through email.

3. looking for courses you can join

Online courses can be helpful for a number of things, like keeping busy, learning new stuff, feeling accomplished, and possibly getting some qualifications. 

There are some free options that end with a proper certificate, but not all are accredited, meaning that they’re not automatically accepted by employers (they can choose to consider them valid or not). Still, there are no downsides in joining such a course, seeing that it doesn’t cost anything but your time.

Not accredited certificates/no certificates:

Alison’s Diploma Courses and Certificate Courses 

FutureLearn doesn’t grant you certificates with their free courses, but it still provides learning access

edX’s Courses

Udemi, not free but it offers up to 90% discounts generally once a month

Learn how to code, a masterpost that lists different courses to learn coding

Free Online Language Courses, a masterpost that lists different courses to learn languages  

24 Invaluable Skills To Learn For Free

Accredited certificates

coursera offers some free courses, and/or the possibility to apply for financial aid

Online Degree require no tuition, no applications, and no interviews, and has worked so participating Universities around the country will consider the courses for credit, potentially finishing up to an entire freshman year of college

edX’s Professional Certificate Programs are not free, but edX offers up to a 90% discount to those who prove they cannot pay a full price.

University Of The People is tuition-free, which means there is no charge for teaching or instruction, only initial fees (around 160$) for each course. You can also apply for scholarships.

on StudyPortal - Scholarships, you can find a huge number of scholarships available in your country, and here you can find the easiest scholarships to apply to. There are also scholarships for online courses.

There’s also the possibility of completing high school through virtual courses, and if they’re organized by your State’s public school system, they should be free. You can find more info on this here. 

4. thinking about possible job options

Working towards finding a job is important for our own self-worth and feeling like a valuable member of society, and of course it can also help with looking for better therapy. 

It can be tricky when mental and physical illnesses are at play, though. That’s why I’d like to give you some online options here, too, that don’t ask for any particular prerequisite, and would give you enough free time to focus to get better. Jobs like data entry or app testing are doable from home, and may not pay much, but they’d allow you to start building some savings. 

5 Online Jobs That Require Little or No Experience

No Experience? Start One of These Online Jobs

Best Data Entry Jobs From Home

10 (Legit) Data Entry Jobs from Home

Work At Home Data Entry on Indeed.com

FlexJobs

Glassdoor

Whatever you choose, creating a strong resume is always a good step. I’m giving you some resources on how to do that:

How to Create a Professional Resume

How To Make A Resume 101

Help Everyone Find A Job In Their Field

And between checking out all these options we gave you, please try to do some of this Workout For Daily Life, because focusing on a screen for too long can cause so many aches!

You’re not a loser, you’re strong and you keep fighting for yourself, which is admirable. I hope these resources can be of help, and please do send another ask if you need anything else.

Take care,

mod Bee

[funkymbtifiction]

IDK who I am?

Ok so this is kind of a whole ass mess, I started off with a question that would make it a useful read for everyone and not a waste of time, but it ended up being a bit of a personal advice question so I hope that’s ok.

What would cause unhealthiness in a type? Most of the time, i feel like i’m a healthy ENTP, but multiple arguments with my ESFJ (or ESTJ?) mom have caused me to seriously doubt myself in many ways over the years. I read that an unhealthy ENTP can be argumentative, unwilling to drop arguments, etc. These are all things my mom tells me I do, along with not taking responsibility and making excuses. I’m 18 now and we don’t argue that much but we did a lot when I was around 13-15 and kind of, ya know, going through it as teenagers do. And since my mom has basically always used these same digs at me, I’ve assumed that maybe that’s the reason that it really hurts whenever those same digs are brought up now, and basically I have a lot of self doubt and am insecure about being an immature version of my type (because that would mean that i’ve been in the wrong in so many instances in my life if everything my mom says about me is true, and i think that sentence in itself proves my mom right in that i don’t like taking accountability.) As I’m typing this, I’m wondering if maybe that fear of being an unhealthy version of my type or admitting my faults could be related to enneagram ?? Anyways, I know that nobody’s perfect and can definitely appear even worse especially in conflict, I just sometimes wonder if i’m unhealthy or a completely different type altogether. That’s another thing, I’m always trying to find an answer to things, but have a hard time settling on just one. This could be another reason for my self-doubt. I guess my question, after that exhausting story, is WHY? I go back and forth between caring or not caring about personality type, but I’m in a particular stage right now where i care and really just wanna know why i am the way i am (i’m in a bit of desperate state of mind rn lol.) I don’t know if i gave enough info for you to answer this, but what causes me to fear failure so much? Does it have to do with being raised by an ESxJ? Or is it related to enneagram? Or something else altogether? Also, am i even an entp?? you’d probably need to know more about me, but from the way I wrote this, could you give me anything? I’m asking for so much right now, I’d honestly be annoyed at me. But I’ve been so unsure about so many things lately and I just want one thing in my life I can be at least a little more sure about.

I’m sorry you are in a place of feeling like you aren’t sure who you are; if it helps, most people who embark on MBTI journeys face that, sooner or later. And it often precedes a period of self-understanding that helps you find your type, because you start focusing on how you respond to things and how you get things done, rather than what others are telling you about yourself, and linking that to specific functions.

So much hyper-focus on what your mom says about you either indicates you are a high feeler (FJ seems more reasonable than FP at this point, since it’s not about defending self from the outside world, but wondering if what others say about you is true; but if you are sure of Ne-dom, I’d look into ENFP also) or in a Fe-loop. EFJs often mistype as ETPs at first, because they don’t realize how much they lack a specific sense of self, because their entire identity is built on how others perceive, relate to, and speak to them. If this has been a persistent concern for as long as you can remember, consider EFJ (most ETPs at your age care way less what others think, and way more about how they can ‘use’ them to get what they want, since Fe is just a tool for them and not a place of ‘being’).

If you are an ENTP, you sound as if you are in a Fe-related loop, excessively ruminating on others’ external views of  you and causing you to wonder if you are really the irresponsible jerk they tell you that you are. To break this loop, you need to get back into Ti and return to building inner frameworks of logical understanding and consistency. Your natural, healthy tendency will be to notice flaws in arguments, belief systems, and logical inconsistencies, and point them out to yourself and others. You should be learning ‘how things work,’ and not worrying so much ‘how others are reacting to me.’

To gain a better understanding of oneself, you need to put your mother’s criticisms into perspective. Is she the sort of person who finds something harsh and critical to say about everyone, all the time? Or is it just you? What is the objective truth in her digs? Can you come up with specific examples of you doing the things she is accusing you of, or is it just generalization on both your part?

Immature (and at 18, you can’t be anything else, cognitively) ETPs are prone to not taking personal responsibility for themselves and making excuses about it, yes. Ti can rationalize, argue, avoid, and shift responsibility away from self (a natural behavior of unhealthy Fe) rather than simply admit, “What I did was wrong, and I’m sorry.” Arguing, for an ETP, is like breathing – they are so good at it, and so self-assured of thinking up an excuse for everything they do in order to justify their “what I want” based thinking, they forget that their “fun banter” is actually seen as “aggressive behavior” from feeling types. (Sherlock is a great example of what I am talking about.)

If you think your mom has a point, and you can come up with times when you did avoid taking personal responsibility, you have a choice – to work on next time refusing to give an excuse, humbling yourself and admitting you didn’t do what you were supposed to do, or you were selfish and ate the last bag of chips in the house, or whatever else she “gets on you” for. You can also start taking “adult initiative” and doing “mature” things around the house, to show her you are taking responsibility for your stuff, your chores, your bills, etc. The only way to convince an ESJ that you are a mature adult is to consistently act like one and show them you are being responsible with your decisions. Part of being a mature adult, regardless of type, is admitting when you are wrong and taking responsibility for the problems/pain you cause.

If she is criticizing / nitpicking needlessly, analyze her and think about her reasons why she might be doing this, or feels the need to bring others down, or is being “hard” on you in particular. There are many factors that go into people’s behaviors. Do you remind her of someone she used to know, who went the wrong way in life, and is she associating your behaviors with that person’s downward path? High Si’s are prone to instant sensory comparisons of that nature. SJs are also highly responsible people, very driven, who have a specific idea of “how the world works,” and how YOU will have to be, to succeed in it. (IE, 9/5 job, be responsible, buy car insurance, save for retirement, take care of your family, etc). This is how and why they clash with the “when I see it, I’ll know I want to do it, and do it for awhile, and then find something else to do” fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants EP types.

With parents, it’s also important to remember their bias. Their opinion of you is just their opinion. What matters more out in the world is what your boss, your coworkers, and other people who have a direct financial impact on you as an adult in the workforce think of you. Your parents have watched you grow up. Seen all the good and bad things. Things that do not matter at all in the workforce, and that nobody knows about, outside the family. Things that do not have to ‘define you’ as an adult. EJ parents can also have a lot of trouble transitioning from being “parent” to “friend” – she is used to being your “mom.” So, prove her wrong. What can you do to show her you’re an adult?

You might also be an Enneagram 9 or 6 (both, Tritype-wise, is likely) which is messing with your ability to have a concrete sense of self.

Once you’re in college, your functions will show clearer. Heavy school work / an environment where you need to please peers and teachers will bring out lower functional development.

- ENFP Mod

[chaniters]

Familiar

Cyrus and Ortega go on the perfect date... for a pair of powered heroes, that is.

Fluff, inspired by all those hand-holding references on the Discord channel.

Spoilers ahead.

____________________________________________

Want some?” he asks motioning to the ice-cream truck. He noticed you can’t take your eyes off it.

“Is that even in question?”

He chuckles and buys a cone for each of you, as you walk down the pier.

“You know, I’ve never done this,” you say taking a lick of your lime ice cream

“What Icecream? I’ve seen you eat so much of it one would think you’re made of the stuff”

“No” you groan “Dating. I mean for real. Without the secrets” you add, taking a small bite

“Oh… I see. Well, I’ve got to tell you, I keep feeling you’re going to run away any minute now…”

“I did that a lot, didn’t I?” you ask trying not to get stained with the melting lime

“Every single time. It was kind of your thing.”

“Well, I’m not going to do it now. I…. I…,” you say holding your temples

“What…?” he looks at you concerned

“Brain… freeze…”

“Wh… pff… hahaha!”

“Idiot…” you can’t help laughing too.  “it really hurts… “ you complain…  

It takes a moment for it to go away, and he’s giving you an amused look as you raise your gaze again. He takes your hand and you both resume your walking… as he rubs your fingers softly with his thumb.

It’s a beautiful day, is all you can think as you turn to look at the glorious sight of the sea. You’re happy to be alive here. Sharing this moment with him.

“You were saying..?” he asks bringing you back to earth.

“I’m saying I’m really not going to run off again.”

“Really?” he grins. “That’s good to know”

He lets go of your hand and runs his arm around your waist. Ok, you can handle that…

And then it slowly goes lower…

You can’t stand the look he’s giving you. He’s having a day, seeing how far can he go before you panic. But you’re not going to panic… are you…?

Lower… and lower…

What the hell is he doing?

And then his hand goes inside your jean’s back pocket.

Oh. So that’s what he…

You feel yourself blushing furious red. It’s not like he’s grabbing or anything, but he’s basically got his hand on your butt.

“Sooo… Is this ok?” he asks in a neutral tone. Not laughing, nor teasing. Just asking.

You don’t answer but walk even closer to him.

It’s hard to accept that he’s doing this in public, where everyone can see…

But then again, it’s probably the cutest thing you could think of right now and you feel ready to melt and break in pieces.

You don’t answer, but just run your arm around his waist. You could do to him what he’s doing to you, but you’re not quite as comfortable yet…

“You’re so darn smooth... it’s not fair”

“I could give you some pointers If you want”

“Oh really?” you squeeze closer to him... “Tell me then, Mr. expert... How do you go about this dating thing?”

“Come back home with me and I’ll show you,” he answers confidently.

You smile at him “Suppose I do… what would we be doing there?”

“Well, we can chat… have a few drinks.. and then you can eat what my mom made”

“Oh, she Was here? What did she make?”

“Me”

You snort and blush even further.

You should have probably seen that one coming to be honest… but your two remaining brain cells are not cooperating. He’s got you right where he wants you, and you’re loving every second

He clearly knows it... but you’re not going to admit it just yet... let him use all his tools. He’s enjoying this just as much as you are.

You open your mouth to answer when you see something in the distance that draws your attention. It’s triggering every alarm your training taught you to look for.

Your eyes go from him to the smoking explosions in the distance.

He looks at you puzzled and then turns to look in the same direction you are, letting out a groan as he realizes what’s going on.

“Really?” he complains

“Well I don’t know dating, but I do know how this part goes. Black Nano-Ranger Activate!” you say with a smile, leaping forwards as soon as the transformation takes place.

“Hey wait for me! Blue Nano-Ranger Activate!” he commands, transforming and coming after you.

...............................................

Leaping over rooftops, running towards unknown danger together again. You’re even wearing the same colors...

If only Anathema were here…

Are you tearing up under your mask?

Ortega engages his intercom as he follows. “Steel are you seeing this?”

Steel takes a few moments to answer, announcing they are moving in as well. Mortum’s teleporter will take a few minutes to activate.

“Seems it’s just us”

“We’ve been into worse,” you say confidently…

That is until you get to next jump lets you land over a building with an actual good view of what’s going on. You freeze immediately, and Ortega can’t help bumping into you as he lands from his own jump.

“Hey, are you ok?”

You point forward, and he turns to see what’s ahead.

An army of bladed creatures assaulting the town hall building. The LDPD officers are holding on behind a few barricades while some army soldiers provide cover with machineguns…  but none of it is really working. You gasp as one of the creatures cuts down an overturned car and walks over the flames without a second thought, tearing an officer to pieces in a split second...

A group of three men and a woman wearing medical gowns and strange gas masks seem to be overseeing the assault. They seem to have extensive mods attached to their skulls… gross.

“Greetings Citizens of Los Diablos!” they all speak in unison. “We are Doctor Grim. We are delighted to show you our latest creations!”

You recognize the hive-minded doctor. They are an abomination, the ones who inflicted the most experiments on you during your captivity. But even that’s not the cause of your hesitation.

The creatures assaulting the police, they all happen to look like one of your worse nightmares. The same is probably happening to Ortega right now...

Same blades… same multiple arms…

The Catastrofiend times a dozen. All of them bearing Regene Tattoos.

Ortega holds you down as you try to keep yourself from throwing up in your helm

It takes a few seconds for you to look back at him giving him a weak “I’m ok” nod. You’re not though. You know you’re both equally terrified.

You both walk up to the border of the rooftop, trying to figure out what to do next.

Still, your creative side isn't working right now. All you can think of is the taste of lime in your mouth.

"We have to do something," Ortega says.

He's right. If you don't move soon, the police will be ripped to pieces, along with anyone inside the building once those things get inside.

"There's 12 of them... possibly more," you say counting them. "Oh... there's 13 and 14 behind that bus..."

"I know... but we have these now, right?" he says patting the chest piece of your nano armor.

You nod slowly "Yes... we've got them," you say trying to convince yourself

"We're Charge and Sidestep! We beat it before, we can do it a dozen more times!" He boasts.

"Sidestep and Charge you mean…”  you correct him smiling under your helm “And you're right. Let's do this!"

Leaping forward, both of you fall in the middle of the small park, the creatures instantly turning on you.

"Hold it right there monsters! We won't let you kill anyone else! Blue Nano-Ranger, ready for combat!" he says posing with a kata, cracking his fists, and electrical current going between them.

"We've defeated the original once, and can sweep this place of your minions no matter what your plan is Dr. Grim!" you reinforce your words with a different kata displaying your suits enhanced strength with a strong fist to the ground that causes a light rumble.

The Grims turn on towards you. All of them smile at the same time. “Glad you could join us Rangers. We’ve been expecting you”

Oh. Those are the words you don’t want to hear when you’re facing a villain that has you completely outnumbered and outmatched. It still doesn’t stop your charge, clashing against the Catastrofiend clones to save the people in dangers.

That’s what heroes do, even if they sometimes end up in pieces. You and Ortega would know.

You hope Steel and the others don’t take too long... but until then... You’re going to give the things a hell of a fight. 

Together.

_________________________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero 

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[loki-the-predator]

A guide to writing starters

This blog got quite busy (which I absolutely love) however, I noticed that some people struggle to come up with a starter to call out to my character. When it comes to starters I’m quite picky because I have two ultimate pet-peeves being God-modding and one-liners, and sometimes it can be hard to create something.

Because there are probably many out there who struggle with creating starters I decided to make a little guide on how to create starters along with examples, and why stuff works and why not. This guide can be both used to create open as closed starters.

I’m going to use my character Loki in these examples and I picked a couple of examples that I created for him, and a couple of examples that were handed to him. Yes, I asked those mun’s if I could use them.

So, let’s get to this.

Four foundations

To create a starter you need some foundations. I create my starters mostly on a couple of foundations, listed bellow. Not every foundation has the be used in every starter, you can mix and match but there is one foundation that you almost cannot leave out and that is the first one of this list. The four foundations I use are:

What is my character doing

Scenery

Openings sentence

plot

It sounds simple but let’s take a closer look...

What is my character doing?

This is one of the most important things, and as I said, it’s almost impossible to leave this one out. If you are going to write a starter you should know that whatever your character is doing, it affects the other. On top of that it is very important that you write the actions of your character alone and not the other as well.

You can place small little details on how your character is looking (handsome in a neat suit or bloodied if he just got out of a fight), but also other small things as age, hair, eye color, etc. Just make sure to not barrage the other player with an infinite amount of details because it can get overwhelming, and when characters are in their first meeting you will get there along the way anyway.

An example; gotten from @jester-datshyboi

The young boy, which appeared somewhere around 14-15 walked silent as ever through the dark and gloomy forest. He had absolutely no idea how he got there, or what lead him to the forest, but it was similar to a strong energy pulling him in. He gripped the wooden handle of his butcher knife in his padded pocket, just to comfort himself. He knew whatever beasts would be in this forest couldn’t be harmed by that little dagger no matter what.

In this case it was very important that he stated that his character was a minor, which for a lot of rp-ers changes their behavior towards them (Had I not liked it to rp with a young boy, I could have made him turn away and abandon the post, and because I’m polite I would have contacted the mun to let them know).

Please note how the mun keeps his character's actions to himself. This is very important because what your character does, affects mine even though you have no clue yet how my character is going to respond.

Scenery

A second and very important part of a starter is scenery. It can be abandoned mostly as you will see in the example with ‘openings sentence’, but it makes it more difficult. What do we mean by scenery? Well, any place you can think of. A house, a beach, a forest, a living room, whatever. If it fits and it is a place, you’re good to go.

For my character Loki I have created (like literally in my mind, I made map) a couple of places he resides if I want to create a starter. This way I can create a scenery for someone or can start from my scenery which I know.

An example, written for a Venom I wanted to rp with

Loki walked into the lab eyeing the interior with disgust, the door sliding shut behind him. He really disliked the sterile and white rooms and even more so all the weird machinery and tools.

The God slowly turned on his heel taking in his surroundings, the smell of bleach filling his nostrils. In the middle of the room stood a single chair, the kind where they usually strapped someone into to keep one in control. Glass cabinets were placed along the walls holding various of pots with liquids and there was a trolley with some shining tools placed on them.

Loki wasn’t quite sure what to make of this yet. Would he end up in that chair or someone else? His contract with S.H.I.E.L.D. stated he would not be harmed as long as he worked for the Avengers (even though he didn’t like that one bit and he had been forced to do so), but one could never be sure. There were many who still held a grudge against him and he was certain a couple of them wanted nothing more than the prod and pry at him like some lab-rat.

“What is the meaning of this?” he asked coldly.

I created this scenery with a specific character in mind I was going to reach out to, being Venom. Luckily I knew a little about the character and I knew from the trailers that the creature resided in a lab of some sorts, this gave me some pointers. This scenery is very detailed and I explicitly chose to do so because of the other character. In this case the scenery could play a major role where my character could have been forced to sit down in that chair and suffer the horrors from the alien. Or the other could have made the tools rattle or the cabinets explode, whatever they would have liked.

Openings sentence

So, you have decided what your character is doing and you’ve set a scenery, now he/she/it wants to say something to give the other an opening to make the reply easier. Please note, this is optional as you saw in the first example.

I really cannot tell you what your character should say because it depends on the other rp-er you are interacting with (you probably know that character otherwise you wouldn’t reach out). The most easy thing is to ask a question because it is far easier for the other to answer to a question than a statement, but statements would do fine as well.

If you want some inspiration you can search Tumblr for “rp starters” or “prompts”. You will get an endless lists of things your character can say.

An example, written for a Klaus I wanted to rp with

It had taken him quite some time to track the man. The other was smart, quick and didn’t leave many tracks behind but even the slightest detail was enough for the God to eventually close in on him.

The Trickster was sure that the man - if it was a man that you could call him - was aware that he was being followed. But Loki had his own tricks to cover up his tracks and he was sure they had been dancing around each other for a while now.

He crouched down and ran his index finger through a puddle of blood and rubbed his finger against his thumb, a little green magic coming from the tip of his fingers to test it before he cleaned his fingers with the same magic. Then he gracefully raised to his feet.

A sly smile formed on his lips as he felt a presence behind him. “It is truly a pleasure to meet you,” he said with a velvet voice and turned a little.

I was struggling with how to introduce the other character to mine because I very much wanted them to meet but their universes differed very much. The sentence in this was the inspiration to build the scenery and Loki’s actions around it. I choose the difficult way in this to start with a statement instead of question.

As you can see there is barely any scenery in here, just a puddle of blood somewhere. I left it open for the other to fill in or not, in this case it really didn’t matter.

Plot

In my opinion is this one of the most difficult things to create especially when your characters aren’t even introduced yet. Usually I don’t put in plot with first meetings, this can wait until characters know each other. Plot is nothing more than a problem or a challenge for a character.

If you really wish to incorporate plot but you can’t come up with something, just google ‘dnd plot generator’. There are tons of websites which give you a random one-liner plot which can be used as inspiration for your rp.

An example, gotten from @dr-stephen-v-strange

So we did some research and apparently you can duplicate or something, so we don’t really know whom to contact or who is trustworthy (Thor is not acting like a reliable source). But we are kinda getting desperate. Mordo has been killing off magic users and with the Sorcerer Supreme gone, we could use someone with a bit more experience than the novices who keep creating portals to random places and then walk through them into walls or falling down hundreds of feet.

Well, I guess it’s pretty clear on what we are going to do even though we haven’t even met; we are going to hunt Mordo!

Another example, gotten from @xsimpletrashx

Lastly I have another example from a starter I got and I’m going to break it down for you a little and put my comments and thoughts in there in bold and you’ll see why.

The plan was simple. Loki had to stay at Stark tower to compensate for the damage he had done during the invasion of New York.

Okay, so I’m being forced to be stuck in a tower? Let’s see where this goes.

The tower has already been repaired and equipped with one of the best security systems in the US.

Scenery, awesome, I can not escape if I wish so.

Not that they needed much security with those enchanted handcuffs around Loki’s wrists anyway. They were separated, not to confine him too much, but still capable of restricting any kind of sorcery and godly strength.

Wait what? You are restricting my character? wha-?

In those cuffs, the trickster was basically human, at least that’s what Thor said.

Ah good, a fail-safe that almost neutralizes all that has been previously stated! If I don’t want to be restricted I can denounce it because Thor said something that could have been a lie. Good!

Tony was delighted when he heard the news, much to his teammates’ dismay. The genius was simply intrigued with things that were… new. The god was new and Tony yearned to know what made said god tick. To learn about his magic and use his thousand years old knowledge to defend the earth, who wouldn’t want that? …maybe he was also pleased to get a little payback for all the people who died during the attack. Well, nobody could blame him for that.

Good, this gives me some information about the other’s character and his motivations (plot).

“For all it’s worth, my dad didn’t give a shit about my problems either but here I am.” Tony joked halfheartedly as he led his new guest into his workshop.

Openings-sentence meant for me. I can respond however I like. Good!

Of course, he was still wary of being around the god without his suit on, handcuffs or not, especially since the last time that happened he got thrown out of the window, but that never stopped him from running his mouth.

More plot and character insight.

This particular example is very tricky because it borders a little on god-modding. Luckily for the both of us Loki has been restricted and whatever not for his past so many times in so many fics that I was willing to roll with it - heck! It even made sense! But had another character - for example Jester from the first example - forced this upon Loki, or had Loki forced this upon another character such as Klaus from the thirds example, than things might have turned out very differently.

What not to do

Well, of course you can do this but as I told at the beginning, god-modding is my ultimate pet-peeve and I know I’m not the only one. For example if you send me this I will not answer:

Loki had been reading a book in the corner when he suddenly heard a voice. “And who might you be?” she inquired, breaking the silence making Loki jump out of his boots by the unexpected sound.

Why I don’t like this? First of all, you are forcing my character to read a book. Good thing he loves his books but maybe he doesn’t want to read at this point, that is a decision for me to make. Then we get some scenery which is incomplete. Where are we? Home? Library? Beach? Just pick a place and try to fit it to your character. Then there is a sentence (which is fine), followed by how my character reacts to breaking that silence. Again, you decided how my character reacts (startled) which goes against the nature of my character because it takes a lot for him to jump out of his boots.

As you can see this starter is short but that doesn’t really matter. Let me give you an example on how you could write this differently.

She walked into the library silently, her footfalls barely disturbing the silence until she noticed the man. “And who might you be?” she inquired, breaking the silence and startling the other occupants of the room.

The difference here is that you kept your actions for yourself and haven’t forced any on mine, he can be doing whatever he wants. You created a scenery (a library and a silent one at that! Yes, could have been that there was a riot going on!) You created an openings-sentence, a question even which gives my character a reason to respond, and you even used some npc’s to create a reaction you EXPECT from my character as well but you didn’t force me.

TL;DR

In any starter just stick to the following things: what is MY character doing or saying? What is the scenery, aka, where is my character and is it logical for the other to be there too? What do I want to say? Can I insert some plot? You can mix and match these in any way you like.

I hope this was useful and if you want to add some things, please let me know. Also, this is my humble opinion on how I create starters and on how I love to see them, there is not rule to play by, my words aren’t chiseled in stone. ;-)