#she can’t get intoxicated by anything other than like vibes maybe

[avenging-fandoms]

OMG! Friends to lovers with “ If I don't kiss you right now I might die” with Rafe please love 💕 💕

friends to lovers with ''if i don't kiss you right now i might die'' vibes

- project buddy, college!rafe (fluff)

OUTER BANKS MASTERLIST

*college!rafe is so much more different than the rafe we actually see. enjoy very soft rafe!!<3 -- "what do i wear to a study session with my partner, but also say that this might be a date on his boat?" you asked yourself as you stared at your closet, moving pieces of clothes and mumbling to yourself.

yn: rafe, i’m gonna be honest. i’ve never been on a boat before. what do i wear?

rafe: Let me ask my sister.

rafe: She said jeans and a shirt. I normally wear a polo and shorts. It’s really up to you.

yn: okay, thank you! can’t wait for later :)

you picked out a few things, then stuck with a nice flowy top and jeans with sandals, complimented with a jean jacket. you thought about it being cold on the water, on a boat, so you thought your jacket would be good.

you grabbed your things and headed into your car, letting rafe know you were on your way and he replied with a smiling emoji. rafe was different than what you've heard of.

your roommate's boyfriend told you rafe was a dick, and that he was a rich asshole who bragged all the time, but you never saw it. you only hung out with him once, but you would think he would've bragged the first time he spoke to you.

you parked your car and rafe stood down at the end of his backyard. you smile and take out your phone, texting rafe to turn around. rafe turned to look over his shoulder and smiled, jogging over to you.

"hi stranger" rafe smiled and gave you a hug, and you couldn't help but blush. rafe smelled like expensive cologne and just a hint of weed, and you could keep your nose in his neck for hours. "so i figured i could take you around the water, show you a few things then we can dock in the middle of the water and study?" rafe asked as you two walked towards the dock.

"sounds like a perfect date. uh, study date" you smile as your cheeks turn red, rafe getting onto the boat first, taking your bag then holding out his hand. your hand fit well into his, his skin rough but smooth on the palm as he helped you onto the boat.

rafe's hand held your waist as you stepped over the side of the boat, slipping a bit but rafe caught you. you inhale sharply and grip rafe's shirt, and he chuckled softly. "i got you, don't worry" his words were calming, and you tap his chest as you pull away. "feel free to look around, i'm going to get things going"

you nod and run your hand over the railing, leaning over and staring at the view as rafe untied the boat and started the engine. you went over to where rafe was, standing next to him and looking out at the water.

the sun reflected off the water and you shielded your eyes, not even realizing you were leaning against rafe as he drove the boat slowly in a circle around the water.

after a half an hour of him bringing you around, rafe stopped the boat in the middle of the water and you two sat on the chairs with the little table in between. you unlock your phone, but you had no signal.

"rafe, there's no service out here so we can't do our project" you look at him and he shrugs, sucking air through his teeth.

"guess we'll just have to chill here. the project isn't due for a week anyway, we can just hang out" rafe smiled and you chuckle, shaking your head. "so, where'd you grow up?"

you and rafe talked until the moon was high above you two in the sky, and you two just talked about one another's lives. "it's nearly midnight, rafe. i think i should head back to my dorm"

"so soon?" rafe winked and you smiled, shaking your head. "dance with me real quick" rafe put on some john mayer and you blush as he holds out his hand. you grab it and stand up, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"rafe.. can i tell you something?" you picked your head up and looked at him, your nose barely touching him. "i've heard things about you"

"oh?" he spun you slowly and brought you back into his arms, and you felt a wave of butterflies in your stomach. "and what have you heard, gorgeous?"

"that you're the complete opposite to who you are right now" you answer and look up at rafe whose mouth was in a line. "i'm sorry, i shouldn't have-"

"i am different around different people" rafe spoke and you look up at him, pushing your fingers in between his with the other hand on his shoulder. "i'm an asshole around those guys because their fathers are some professors and i want a leg up, even though i do my work"

"i'm sorry, i shouldn't have said anything" you shake your head but he touches your chin softly, making you look up at him.

"do you think i'm an asshole?" rafe asked softly, and you licked your lips softly, eyes meeting his. his eyes were more blue than the water, and you could drown in them.

"i think you're an asshole for not kissing me" you whisper and he smirks, holding the back of your neck as he kissed you. you immediately grabbed his face, your lips moving slowly against his.

rafe was gentle, until you initiated more. you let out a breath through your nose and pushed your body against him, pushing him against the wall of the boat and tugging at his shirt. rafe smiled and grabbed your hands, and pulled away slowly.

"maybe another time, sweetheart. it's late. are you sure you don't want to sleep over?" you shook your head and he kissed you quickly before bringing the boat back to shore.

you leaned over the edge of the boat, dragging your fingers through the water and rafe couldn't keep his eyes off of you. he docked the boat and did everything to tie it up, then helped you off onto the dock.

"we didn't get any work done tonight" you spoke and rafe shrugged again, and you smile as you lean against your car. rafe's arm pressed against the top of your window, looking down at you. "are you free to study tomorrow?"

"i'll always have free time for you, sweetheart" rafe spoke and you grab his shirt, pulling him down to kiss you. there was something intoxicating about his kiss, and you never wanted it to stop. "get home, sweetheart. i'll text you in the morning"

"goodnight, rafe" you whisper and he kisses you once more before heading towards his front door. he waited for you to leave before he went inside.

you flopped on your bed with a smile, pushing your shoes off and taking your jacket off. your phone buzzed and you pulled it out of your pocket, smiling from ear to ear.

rafe: I thank the stars and the professor we were put together. I never want us to finish this project. Good night, or good morning, yn. I'll see you tomorrow.

yn: we can make up our own projects, rafe. i never want this to end. good night handsome

[in-ky]

An Old Scent [2] - Negan x Reader (A/B/O AU)

Summary: During summer break, you decide to come back home to visit your dad, Rick. Over the course of your stay, you realize that your dad's friend is pretty hot.

Warnings: Eventual smut, A/B/O dynamics, cheating, angst, age gap, Negan, a bit of gore if you squint

A/N: ok so everything is written i'm just gonna stagger posting a little bit :') 2.7k words

The first thing I woke up to in the morning was a dull ache in my lower abdomen. Great. My heat was starting up again. Growing up, Bee always asked why I never went on suppressants. I always got a bad vibe from them. Then, a few years ago, a large brand got recalled because it was shown to cause cancer in a lot of different patients. Now suppressants were harder to come by, more regulated, and needed a doctor's prescription. A lot of omegas took the hit hard, but out of it came an influx of at-home ways to take care of your heats by yourself. Super helpful for a single girl like me. When my heats started to get really bad around my junior year of high school, Bee took me out on a shopping spree and got me a bunch of toys to try and satisfy myself. It worked for a while, but they got worse as the years passed. By my age, a lot of omegas were already claimed and had an alpha to help them through their heats. I was still relying on the toys Bee had bought me. The box was tucked neatly under my bed, waiting for me. I rolled over with a small groan and sighed. The heat wouldn't be in full swing for another few days or so, so I could still go to the courthouse with my dad. Speaking of, I heard Rick shuffling down the hall and slid out of bed, gathering my bathroom stuff and walking out of my room into the small tiled room to start the day.

~~~

"So you weren't at the garage on the night of the eight?" Negan hummed, leaning against the railing in front of the tv. His eyes were glued to the face of the man sitting on the stand. The poor guy was drenched in a nervous sweat, tight blue shirt sucking at his chubby neck. He swallowed thickly and leaned forward to the microphone.

"That's correct," he croaked.

"Oh, Jeremy," Negan chuckled, shaking his head and looking at his feet. "Don't you know perjury is a criminal offense?"

"I-I'm not lying!"

"Is that so?" The alpha held up the remote to the TV "I have some footage here that directly contradicts your story, man. One last chance." He wiggled the remote teasingly and raised his eyebrows. Jeremy held his ground. "Alrighty then, let's see what we have here." He took a step back and furrowed his brow at the remote and pressed a button. The screen in front of him came to life. I had to lean forward in order to see the video, but in reality it wasn't the security tape I was watching. It was him. I couldn't look away. He had dominated the room for the past hour and a half. His deep voice was never raised, but it still carried a commanding tone that had every person sitting on the stand shaking in their boots. My eyes trailed down his body. His suit clung to him in every perfect way. His hair was slicked back in its iconic style and the way his glasses perched on his face made my insides burn. Part of me regretted seeing him like this so close to my heat, but another part couldn't imagine if I hadn't. Rick leaned over and tapped my elbow.

"We've got him now for sure." He whispered in my ear. A smile formed on my lips as I nodded to him. There was a child-like joy on his face. He really did appreciate my presence. I turned my attention back to the video screen. The footage was fuzzy, but there was a clear figure of a woman standing still hunched over what I presumed was her phone. She was texting away, fingers flying over her screen. Suddenly a large figure, who had the same height and build as Jeremy, slunk out from the shadows. He slowly approached the woman from behind and raised a crowbar high above his head. He swung it down with brutal force. There were small gasps of horror from the jury and the crowd as the crowbar connected solidly with the woman's head. She collapsed in a heap, but Jeremy didn't stop beating her until she was a pile of mush. Negan clicked the TV off.

"Well, shit, Jeremy," He boomed "I do in fact think you are lyin' to me." He tossed the remote down on his table top and gave a grim scoff. "Everyone just saw you turn poor Miss Parker's head into your personal punching bag. You still wanna claim you were no where near there?" All of the color had drained from Jeremy's round face. He swallowed again, tugging at his restricting collar. But soon, his face turned a deep shade of pink and he slammed his beefy palms on the flat surface of the box he was sitting in.

"That bitch deserved it!" He howled, gasping for air. "She had no business-" He stopped when Negan raised his hand silently.

"I really don't care," He sighed, turning around and grinning broadly when he saw the defense team resting their heads in their hands in defeat. "I'll let the jury do the rest, your honor."

"Yes, thank you, Mr. Smith." The judge said, voice prickling with annoyance. Negan returned to his bench and pulled out his seat. But before he sat down he gave Rick a small thumbs up. And I could have sworn that he flashed me a little smile as well.

~~~

"You were incredible in there!" I cheered, giving Negan a high five. The contact made my skin tingle, but I passed it off as the consequences of the impact. "You really made that guy tremble like a kid!"

"It's what I do," Negan chuckled deeply. He looked around me and furrowed his brow. "Where's your dad?"

"He's pulling the car around," I said "I just figured I should let you know how good you did before I leave." He was so close. He smelled so good. The same combination of whiskey and campfire that could get me drunk in a few breaths. I was so focused on his intoxicating musk that I didn't notice the group of alphas that were headed our way. Negan did, though. I heard a rumbling from his chest and felt a hand clasp around my shoulder. Confusion clouded my mind and I looked up to him for some answers.

"The next case is starting soon," He said smoothly "Let's go wait for your dad outside." I agreed and he steered me out onto the steps of the courthouse. The short skirt and heels I was wearing weren't exactly comfortable for walking down stairs, so I held onto Negan's forearm as he guided me down to street level. There was a small breeze and I saw his jaw tense as a soft gust of wind swirled up from behind me and into his body. It no doubt carried my scent on it, and an alpha like Negan could probably tell what state I was in.

"So," I sighed, looking to engage him further "What's next?"

"Well," He tilted his head and ran a hand over his bear-covered chin. "Jeremy goes to jail. Your dad and the department get praise. And I get to go to the bar for a celebratory drink." He paused for a moment, looking me up and down quickly. "You want to join me?" I opened my mouth to say something. To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was going to say. I didn't really drink, but I was willing to do absolutely anything that Negan wanted. But it was then that Rick rounded the corner and gave the horn a little honk.

"I would love to," I settled on "But dad has a full day of father-daughter fun times planned, and I don't really want to keep him waiting." I gestured awkwardly to where Rick was sitting in the car, bopping his head gently to incoherent music.

"Totally understand, doll." He grinned.

"Maybe another time, though?"

"For sure."

"See you around, Negan."

"Bye, doll, have fun. And be safe"

~~~

Negan was pleasantly buzzed, as per usual. He got off his motorcycle and hung his helmet on the handlebar before lightly stumbling into the house from the dark garage. The sight he saw he did not expect. There sat his fiancé in the living room, arms crossed over her chest with a pissed expression on her face. And beside her was a woman he knew all too well.

"The hell is goin' on here?" He asked, slurring his words slightly.

"I could ask you the same thing, Negan."

"Lucille, what the fuck is she doing in our house?"

"Oh, so you know her?" Lucille growled. Negan just licked his lips and flicked his gaze between the two women sitting in front of him. "Of course you do. You have been fucking her after all." Negan groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"Baby, please-" He started, but Lucille cut him off.

"Don't you dare," She hissed, jumping to her feet and balling her hands into fists "You don't get to call me that after what you've done, Negan. You slept with another woman. Hell, maybe more than one. You ruined our relationship." Negan took a step forward but Lucille raised her hand and pointed to the kitchen table. "Don't take another step. Your stuff is in that box." Negan looked to see a cardboard box sitting alone in the dark kitchen, his belongings poking out of the top. "I never want to see you in my house again."

"Lucille, can't we just talk about this? You don't understand." He pleased, extending a hand to her. She batted it away.

"There's nothing to talk about." She spat "You cheated on me, Negan! What is there to understand? How can you expect me to forgive you for that?" A moment of silence passed between them. The other woman shifted uncomfortably on the couch. Negan glared at her before turning his eyes back to his now ex-fiancé.

"I have no where to stay." He whispered.

"That's not my problem." Lucille said boldly "Take your shit and leave. Don't come back. We're done."

~~~

I stirred the pot of spaghetti while humming a song I heard on a radio earlier. The father-daughter activities had consisted of driving around town and revisiting old spots we used to go to when I was younger. We got ice cream at the shop down the street and then watched the sun set at the park that we used to picnic at. It was nice. College did really fix our relationship. The TV in the next room hummed quietly and Rick was talking on the phone with someone. I heard him hang up and walk into the kitchen.

"Think there's enough in there for three?" He asks with a sigh, looking over my shoulder.

"Should be, why?" I return, meeting his gaze. He takes a deep breath and scratches his neck.

"Um, well, Negan's fiancé kicked him out of the house. Apparently she found out he was cheating on her. He doesn't have anywhere to stay." He mumbled "He's gonna be sleeping here for a bit." I stopped stirring. The water started to bubble too close to the top, but I blew a gust of air to push it down.

"Why here?" was all I could muster.

"He really helped me with your mom. It's the least I can do."

I just hummed in acknowledgement and returned to my cooking. So Negan was engaged. And he CHEATED on his fiancé? Maybe I didn't know Negan as well as I thought I did...

~~~

"I just can't believe she kicked me out!" Negan seethed, shoveling a spoonful of spaghetti into his mouth. He was still chewing when he continued. "She didn't even give me a chance to explain myself!"

"I hate to say it, but you did cheat on her, buddy," Rick said carefully, not wanting to poke the angry alpha in the wrong way "She's upset."

"I was in a rut." Negan growled.

"For four months?"

I was making a plate for myself, listening to the conversation from across the room. Rick's phone buzzed on the kitchen table and he picked it up.

"Sorry, I have to take this." He sighed, shaking his head and standing to his feet. He left the room and suddenly it was just me and Negan. I took my plate to the opposite head of the table, watching Negan wolf down his dinner.

"This shit is really good, sweetheart," He groaned. Normally, the noise would have sent me over the moon. But there were so many other emotions clouding my mind. "You ever consider changing your major to culinary arts?" I didn't say anything, just twirled my fork in my serving of pasta.

"Why'd you do it?" I said quietly, almost in a whisper. Negan paused instantly.

"What?"

"Why'd you cheat on her?" My eyes never left my plate but I could hear him shifting in his seat, rubbing his face while trying to answer my question.

"I don't know," He said. His voice was soft, sincere. Something I had never heard from him before. My eyes drifted up and met his. They were the same tawny color, but there was something else behind them. Something I couldn't distinguish. "I thought...Something was off in our relationship. I guess I thought that I could fix it by trying something different. I ran into Tanya at a bar a few months ago. She's a beta, just like Lucille. Wanted to be with an alpha. I gave in. Just for a quick fuck, didn't mean anything. I didn't like her. I told her that but...she...she wanted more, I guess. She fucking threatened me. Threatened to ruin my life unless I kept seeing her. I chose to do it. I don't know if that decision was the right one or not but it's the one I made. I texted her last night to tell her it was over. Never fucking thought she would come to my home." I was chewing the inside of my cheek the whole time he was speaking. I didn't know how much of his story was true, but he sounded like he was hurting.

"Why did you break it off?" I whispered.

"That's your damn question?" He scoffed, giving a short smile. He looked in my eyes. I knew the answer. Or at least I thought I did. He opened his mouth, but Rick reentered the room before he could say anything.

"Alright, sorry about that guys," He said, slipping back into his seat. "What did I miss?"

~~~

Negan was set up in the bedroom next door to mine. Our doors faced each other from across the hall. We would have to share a bathroom. Rick didn't seem to have a problem with it, but with my heat starting I wasn't too sure about the whole arrangement. I felt more cramps riddle my body. I was ready to bed, ready to curl up in a ball and go to sleep, but something called me across the hall. Curiosity got me and I turned slightly, walking up and leaning on the doorframe. There was Negan, clad in grey sweatpants and a black tank top, unpacking his things.

"Hey," I said quietly, not wanting to startle him. He turned around. He looked older like this, hair unkempt and his glasses on. When he saw me his lips curled in a smile. Any trace of vulnerability I had seen earlier was now gone.

"Hey to you."

"I just want to apologize for earlier," I said "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm also sorry that you have to be subjected to me and my dad for the foreseeable future." He let out a snicker and shook his head.

"Don't worry about it, doll. And you're not that bad. I appreciate Rick; he's a good man." He scratched his beard and looked over at the clock next to the bed. "It's late, you should get some rest." He took a deep breath and I nodded. I turned to leave but he called my name softly. "You know I meant what I said last night, you are looking good." I smiled but didn't say anything and crossed the hall, shutting my door and hopping into bed.

[plsimsuchasimp]

i’m sorry (ft: sugawara).

by request: “Hi!!!! Okay im so glad your requests are open - could I please request some angst with Sugawara? Where the reader is his best friend and secretly loves him but he doesn’t know? Then maybe the reader and Suga fight and then reader gets hurt or something (maybe a car accident) and when the Karasuno team finds out, Suga is devastated and goes to the hospital and tell the reader that he loves them?? Thank you!! ❤️” -anon

yes anon i’m happy to do this- i kinda changed up the prompt a lil bit so i’m sorry about that but i hope this measures up to your standards! (i’m ridiculously soft for suga so this makes sense)

genre: sadness (literal tears were shed in the process of making this)

ft: sugawara koushi x reader

warnings: car crash, fighting, cursing, hospitalization, death

wc: 2k

“Y/n, why are you so upset? I get that you’re concerned, and I’m grateful for that, but she’s genuinely a good person and I’m serious about her!” Suga walks away from you, his back turned, shoulders raised slightly in his sweater. You can sense his frustration, his confusion, but you don’t care. His face is pouty, lip sticking out ever so slightly, and you know you can’t look at him or you won’t be able to keep yourself from kissing him right then and there.

The thing is, you know she’s a good person. And that’s what hurts. See, you’ve been in love with Sugawara Koushi since the day you met him at the bus stop five years ago, on a hot summer day with a butterfly in his hair.

You can’t stop him from getting a new girlfriend, and you know it’s selfish of you to hope he likes you the way you like him, to hold on to him for all these years.

Sometimes when it’s late, you let yourself drift into your memories. The spring days when he would take you hiking, out into the mountains to show you his favorite spots, the times when your stomachs hurt from laughing at the dirty jokes he found off of random places on the internet, the rainy moments and baking cookies when it just seemed calm. With Suga, you felt at home like nowhere else. 

Now, your eyes sting unfairly, and you turn away from him as he glares towards you, brow furrowed. Struggling to keep your voice even, you say, “I know, okay Kou? I just- I don’t know, she gives me bad vibes.”

You know he doesn’t mean to be rude, but when he scoffs, your heart squeezes just a bit and tears prick your eyes. “You’re telling me to call off a whole relationship because she gives you bad vibes? You did this with all of my exes, too!” Suga sighs, hands on his hips. “You know you’re my best friend, but honestly, y/n, this has to stop. You can’t control my life!” 

He’s right. You know he’s right, and that’s the harsh thing about it. You want him all to yourself- everything about him is entrancing, intoxicating, familiar. Jealousy is a bitch.

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

At this point, his jaw drops open at the sheer audacity of your remark. “I can’t do this with you today.” He throws up his hands and sits on the bed, making it clear he doesn’t really want to talk anymore.

Suga never really fights with you. He teases endlessly, but he always stops himself before he really hurts you, and the fights between the two of you are always calmer on his side. He’s usually the first to apologize, but it seems this is a sticking point for the two of you.

“Well? Go!” As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he regrets it. You flinch backwards at his words, and he doesn’t miss the unmistakable glint of tears in your eyes as you walk out of the room.

“Fine, I guess I will!” As soon as you’re outside, you cover your mouth with your hand, your vision blurred from large drops threatening to spill from your eyelashes. You muffle your sobs with the sleeve of a sweatshirt Suga lent you, and it just makes you cry harder when you breathe in his slight cologne. 

He wasn’t going to let her go this time. You missed your chance.

You’re running, but where to? As soon as your thoughts stop spinning, your feet freeze, and you glance around you. Shaky breaths escape you as you duck your head and attempt to cross the street, questioning looks from passerby making your cheeks heat up. 

All of a sudden, you hear a car horn and freeze to see a car speeding towards you, out of control. The last thing you see before everything goes black is a child pointing at you, and you almost laugh at the incredulity of the situation. Then you black out on impact.

Back at Suga’s home, he sits in his bed, running his fingers through his silky hair. He curses under his breath, already hating the feeling. 

He hates when the only person he’s ever truly loved is mad at him. 

Honestly, Koushi can’t fathom why he keeps getting other people to date him, momentary distractions from his everlasting affection for you. You, the only person who’s there for him when he’s hurting, the only real friend to stay near him through everything, the only person he fell in love with on first sight. He wanted to be with you, but he didn’t want to ruin this was. 

Better to be certain friends with you and never get what he truly wanted than to try and lose you completely.

Suga picks up the phone to text you when he receives a call from an unfamiliar number, marked as the hospital of your district.

“Hello?"

“Is this Sugawara Koushi?” The female voice on the other end of the line asks.

“Yes, is everything okay?” He responds, curious as to why the hospital is calling him in the middle of the day.

“Well, we have Y/N L/N here, and you’re listed as one of their emergency contacts. Would you mind coming to the hospital to fill out some paperwork?”

Immediately, his world freezes. “W-what did you say?”

“I said, Y/N L/N is in the hospital and we need you to come in and see them.” She’s patient with him, voice even and calm, clearly used to people in shock from news of their loved ones. “They were involved in a car accident.”

He nods, momentarily forgetting she can’t see him. “Yeah, I’m on my way.” 

The line clicks, and he sits there for only a minute before hurrying down to his car, grabbing the keys and starting the car. He seems to forget basic movements, mind consumed only with thoughts of you. 

“Shit, shit, shit,” he muttered, edging above the speed limit on the road. He was tempted to honk at someone, but refrains from it, knowing it won’t help with the turmoil of emotions he was feeling.

Then, it hit him. This was his fault. He almost stopped the car in the middle of the road, throat closing as guilt washed over him. Koushi didn’t know you’d take it so hard, didn’t mean for it to come off that harshly.

He arrived at the hospital, and as he walked in, the receptionist looked up at him.

“Sugawara Koushi?” 

“Yes,” he said, and watched the smile slowly fade from her face. He noticed she tried to hide it, ducking her head, but it was too late. “Are they- are they going to be okay?” he gulped as she didn’t respond.

“Room 208,” she said curtly, “You should probably go in.”

The lights seemed to blur into each other as Suga practically ran to your room. Every footstep seemed to take forever, travel only a few centimeters forward. He couldn’t get there fast enough, accidentally bumping into the wall and muttering a hushed “sorry” to it.

He arrived. The door was almost too heavy, or maybe it was just the fear making his limbs heavy as lead.

There you lay, and it was worse than he thought.  Tubes of all sorts trailed from your body to things around the bed, crowding and seeming to close you in. Scratches ran down your cheek and there was dried blood on your hairline, streaking down your face. The breath fell from his throat and he stood in the doorway, paralyzed. 

This could not be happening. 

One look and he could tell you weren’t going to be okay. An IV drip led into your left arm, and you were unconscious, so fragile, so angelic. It looked as if you were only sleeping, like the countless times you’d snuggled into Suga’s shoulder in the warm summer nights, staring at the blanket of glittering stars far above. The ones in your eyes, though, outshone them all. 

When you slept, you always seemed so peaceful, so comforted, but now your brow was slightly furrowed, your lips drained of color and slightly parted. Even in this state, you were still the most beautiful person he’d ever seen.

Shakily, he made his way to the chair and sat down in it. He tried to swallow, but his throat was dry, and tears were dripping down his face before he could wipe them away. A choked sob escaped him as he reached out his hand, hovering over your limp one. 

He took your hand, and he hunched over to feel how cold it was. Your hands were always colder than his, which made him a perfect match for you. Never before, though, had he felt this ice. 

Suga’s shoulders began to shake, and he clutched your hand, silently begging you not to leave, please please please don’t leave me, i don’t know if i can survive without you. Of course, there was no response but the steady beep of the heart monitor, the only thing reassuring him that you were still there. 

Shaking, he brought your hand to his lips, barely brushing them against your knuckles. 

“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” Whispered words fell gently from his lips, trying to stay composed for you. “Please stay with me. Please don’t leave.” His tone rises, voice breaking in desperation. “P-please.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He rocked back and forth, holding your hand as if it was the only thing tying him down. “I-I love you.”

There. He said it, those three words he’d wanted to say since the day he saw you smile for the first time. Hopelessly, madly, endlessly in love with you, only you. 

When you didn’t respond, he let himself sob, let the pain overtake him. Hot, salty tears spilled onto your hand, and he silently wished for a sign, a movement, anything to show that you weren’t gone just yet.

In that moment, he whispered everything he wanted to say to you, a thousand words choking him and clogging his throat to the point where he couldn’t breathe anymore.

The doctor came in, shutting the door silently behind him. “Sugawara-”

“Call me Suga.” His voice was quiet, reserved, threatening to break.

“I’m afraid y/n isn’t going to make it.” The doctor sighed, mercifully pretending not to notice Suga’s muffled cry. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“You’re joking, right?” Suga raised his head, puffy, red eyes desperate. “Please- tell me you’re joking.” The silence from the doctor told him otherwise, and Suga felt his heart shatter in that instant.

He squeezed your hand, and just as he did, the heart monitor stopped beeping, a flat tone emitting from it. He couldn’t stop the heartbroken cry from spilling from his mouth, his breath stolen by the endless constriction of guilt and grief in his chest. 

He stayed there for another two hours, crying over your hand limp in his grasp. When Daichi arrived at the hospital to drive him home, he didn’t want to leave. 

Suga stared out of the car window, numb. It was impossible- the world couldn’t be this cruel. 

It’s your fault, your fault, your fault, the voice in his head whispered. The broken sobs that spilled out of him hurt, stabbed at his breathing, but he didn’t care. It was his fault that you were gone, forever. 

The rest of the day passed in a haze, the sun setting with flared colors that you would have loved. The stars were brilliant, but Suga couldn’t look at them. His pillow smelled like you, and everywhere he looked had some imprint, some memory of you. You were the only person he’d ever love, and you had been stolen from the world in an instant.

In the months afterwards, nothing was the same. He saw you everywhere, expecting to see your texts pop up on his phone, accidentally ordered your drink at the boba place you would always go to. 

At the funeral, his stiff black suit seemed awkward, but you always said he looked handsome in one. That was the last time he got to see your face besides pictures, the fading memory of the person who loved him for who he was.

the person who he would love for the rest of his life.

you’re an angel in my eyes.

a/n: tbh this is probably one of the most painful things i’ve written so far suga im so sorry also THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 50 FOLLOWERS ITS CRAZY i finished this at 2am i’m going to be so sad if it flops <\3

[ri-ahhh]

can u just give me mushy gushy shit with grayson like ethan has a girl over so the two of you decide to go out for a burger date and a walk at night? idk something like that pls 👉🏻👈🏻

A/N: I couldn’t even tell you how long this has been sitting in my drafts but I was looking through trying to find something to finish bc I was in the mood to write but not from scratch and found this lol. It was about halfway done and I have no idea where I was going with it but this is what it turned into as of today. Idek if there’s even anyone around here anymore to read this but whatever haha here it is.

You don’t usually mind being single. Even when your best friend/roommate Stella started seeing her boyfriend Charlie seriously, it didn’t give you any longing for a relationship of your own.

But there are some nights where you feel down and you just can’t handle it. The scenes of casual intimacy as soon as you get home and see them together — the vase of flowers on the kitchen island he must have brought over; the playful bickering across the room.

The incessant, unrelenting sound of a marathon session going on through the shared wall of your and Stella’s bedrooms.

You groan and turn the volume up on your AirPods, going straight to your messages next.

Wyd?

{G} 👀

Don’t be weird.

Pretty sure Stella and Charlie are trying to put a hole in the wall w her headboard and I can’t take it anymore.

Your roommate chooses that moment to let out a particularly enthusiastic “fuck!” If she weren’t your best friend, you might have given in to the urge to bang on the wall, but your phone lights up with Grayson’s reply anyway.

{G} E too.

{G} I mean like I can’t hear him but ik what’s going down in there

{G} I’d offer to pick u up but sounds like u need to get outta there lol. Meet me here?

You like the message and slip on some shoes, making sure to slam your bedroom door closed on your way out, as if it would make them pause even one thrust.

In the year that you’ve known him, Grayson Dolan has become one of your closest friends. The kind where you met as acquaintances, never talked much, but then you reconnected randomly and the conversation never stopped from there on. You talk about anything and everything, but recently you’ve bonded even more about being a perpetual third wheel. You knew he’d understand and not pass judgement on you in times like this, so it had been a no-brainer to text him as an escape from tonight.

He buzzes you into the gate when you get to his house, and he tells you over another text to go ahead and hop in the Porsche before he even gets outside. It makes you smile; night drives are your favorite, and while the Tesla is a vibe in its own right, there’s just something calming about someone (your attractive friend, no less) tangibly driving you around. It’s exactly what you need right now, no matter what destination he has in mind.

When he slides into the driver’s side not even a minute later, you’re almost overwhelmed by him. Looking far too good in your eyes for how casual he’s dressed in a well-fitting T-shirt and some grey sweats. Hair slightly damp from a recent shower.

He greets you with a grin and leans over the console to kiss your cheek, and you can smell the combination of his shampoo and a bit of cologne. You always appreciated that he doesn’t overdo the fragrance, and if possible it makes him even more intoxicating at times.

“Hey,” he says simply, sitting back in his seat and fastening the seatbelt.

“Hey.” You smile and watch him with a silent but fairly obvious appreciation as he reaches a hand to rest on the back of your seat, twisting the bit he needs to look out the back windshield. The Porsche has a backup camera, obviously, but he’s a cautious driver to a fault and insists he doesn’t fully trust them.

Grayson gets the car facing enough of the right direction to throw it in drive and exit down the long driveway. You shake your head and settle back, kicking off your shoes with a sigh and tucking your feet onto the seat beneath you.

“One day, we’ll be the ones making them leave the house,” he jokes, stopping for the gate to open.

You know it’s implied that he’s referring to the two of you with separate people, but you can’t help but consider the option that the two of you could make that happen together.

“I know for a fact you have a booty call list a mile long, Dolan,” you say with a raised brow. Despite the fleeting thought, keeping things lighthearted and platonic is much easier to deal with in reality. “You could have called one of them and done just that.”

He scoffs and pretends like you’ve just hurt him deeply, slapping a hand to his burly chest to clutch at his heart. “Excuse me, it is not a mile long.” He glances over at you with a held-back smirk. “A couple hundred yards, tops.”

You throw your head back with a loud cackle, looking out the window now as he turns onto the main road. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Damn, that’s a big word.” He likes to tease you about your extended vocabulary.

“Hopeless,” you elaborate, crossing your arms and rolling your eyes.

“Is that what that word means, or are you making fun of my high school dropout vocab?”

“Both.”

You let your head roll back against the headrest, turning to watch him, knees swayed to the side a bit. His form isn’t hidden in the dark at all, features lit up by the dash in front of him and the streetlights you’re passing by outside.

“Why didn’t you, then? Call one of them?”

Grayson shrugs. “Just didn’t really feel like spending time with people tonight.”

You’re silent for a moment and consider his answer. “Why did you agree to hang out, then? You didn’t have to.”

His eyes never leave the road, but you see the veins in his hand gripping the steering wheel bulge out for a moment as he squeezes it tightly.

“I guess I meant I didn’t want to spend time with people I don’t really care about.”

Your heart skips a beat, but you play it off with a sarcastic tone. “Aw, you care about me?”

“Of course I do,” he replies easily. “I’m not sure why, though. You’re so fuckin sassy sometimes.”

“You love it.”

The car rolls to a stop at a red light. Grayson’s hand slides from where it’s lightly gripping the gear shift, to yours, which is picking at a loose string on your leggings.

Your easy smile at the comfortable banter between you and Grayson falters some in surprise, but you let him turn your palm over and trace the lines of your hand softly. Both of your gazes are fixated on the way he tickles your skin when he says, “Yeah. I do.”

Your eyes shoot up, just in time to meet his. He looks at you with a weird mixture heat and vulnerability, and there’s a thick moment of silence, no longer than the single beat of your heart that you can hear thudding loud and clear in your ears, when suddenly the car behind you lays on the horn.

Both of you startle, and Grayson’s attention returns to the road ahead. He steps on the gas and takes his hand away, carding it through his hair roughly as you sink back into your seat with a disbelieving scoff.

“Oh my God, dude, you can’t just do that to me,” you blurt out, your heart in your stomach and your brain even lower. A helpless giggle escapes you, and you tug on your own locks. “Shit...”

“What?” he asks defensively, but you hear the tiny bit of the grin he’s wearing in his voice.

You turn your head to deadpan him, eyes wide. “You can’t just... imply something like that and give me sex eyes and not think you did something to me! Are you crazy?”

He gives a one-shouldered shrug with the arm resting on top of the steering wheel again. “Maybe. You’re proving my ‘sassy’ point all over again.”

“Oh my — don’t fuck with my head, Gray.”

“Hey.” His voice is deeper, more serious as the car comes to another stop. You’re only just now realizing you’ve reached the burger joint, and that the late hour made finding parking a nonexistent problem. He puts the car in park and unbuckles his seatbelt before doing the same to yours. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to fuck with your head, I promise. I just... didn’t want it to seem like I was coming on too strong too suddenly. I, uh, have a history of doing that.”

You stare at him, processing everything. “I know.”

He chuckles dryly. “Yeah, I know you do.”

There’s more silence. That heavy kind that happened right after his little impromptu confession.

“You know,” you finally speak up, finding your voice after mulling over your words, “I kinda love that you’re a douche.”

He looks a little taken aback, until understanding dawns on him, and his eyes light up in a way that has you smiling instantly with him. “Really?”

You nod. “Call me crazy.”

Grayson shifts closer in his seat, his pink tongue darting out to lick those plump lips. You mirror him, and this time you take the initiative to reach out for his hand. It’s warm and strong, just like the rest of him.

Like earlier, you watch your hands lightly caressing each other as you speak. “And I love that you come on strong. And that you put your heart out there.” You interlace your fingers, immediately in love with the contrast of his huge ones between your slim ones. “Makes things way easier for me.”

He grins wide. “There’s that sass again.”

You bite your lip through your smirk and tug him close to you with your clasped hands, your free one reaching behind his neck to drag his lips to yours. “Mm. Better shut me up, then.”

[boohoobruja]

You’re So Dark (Devil’s Advocate Pt. 2)

Summary: reader has trouble defining the line in her newfound relationship after her and spencer get caught by a coworker

Relationship: fem!reader x spencer reid

CW: semi smut, light convo abt consent

Word Count: 1.3k

A/N: holy SHIT 100 notes on my first fic! since i promised a continuation if i got good interaction, i thought i would make it a little steamy, a lil angsty, a lil fluffy. writing full smut isnt my move right now so bear with me while i find my voice for it :) listened to she’s so dark by the arctic monkeys while writing if you want to vibe out w me!

here’s the thing about hating someone that you can’t avoid, let alone someone with an undeniable attractiveness about themselves- that hatred can easily turn into tension beyond just spite. there’s a sexuality that lingers underneath the surface, no matter how much effort is put into denial, and as their faces had hovered inches away from each other y/n felt a deep longing to know how he tasted rather than the bloodlust that had boiled in her just moments before.

it had been a week since they crossed the line from enemies to lovers; since the underhanded comments and sarcastic remarks changed to hasty, sloppy kisses shared in the back of the suv. from the moment they stepped out and back into the station they tried their hardest to avoid each other, but glances were stolen and smug smiles were shared between them. the team noticed- jj suggesting they must have reached an understanding during their investigation, derek and emily insisting that it was less verbal and more a conversation of body language.

these days time was passed with the anticipation of the next time spencer would pull her into the broom closet, the next time either one brushed past the other and whispered in their ear. she danced the line of actually sleeping with him, fingers skirting the hem of his pants or running down the buttons of his shirt as his fingers tangled in her hair. y/n didn’t hold sex as sacred or important in the slightest, but she worried about being double-crossed, revealed and cast out for fraternizing with such an integral part of the team.

“copy room?” he suggests quietly as the conference room finally empties, and she’s quick to oblige. while the risk of deceit rests in the back of her mind, in this moment she would eat dirt if it meant that she could feel his hands exploring her body.

she waits a few minutes after he leaves to avoid suspicion, but when the copy room door closes behind her he’s pulling her to him by the hips and pressing soft kisses to her jaw. he’s unusually tender and it puts her off.

“is something wrong?” she whispers.

“no, no. you just...” he nips at her neck. “look so fucking good today, y/n.”

it’s exactly what she wants to hear as their lips meet, and as he brings his thigh up slightly in between her legs it’s tempting to ignore the doubt in her mind and let him fuck her until she’s left navigating the bullpen with shaking legs. just as the thought crosses her mind the door opens.

“oh! oh my god, i am so sorry.” garcia is shielding her eyes with a bright pink folder, slowly backing away and closing the door.

“garcia, wait!” y/n pulls away from spencer, who’s still pressed against the wall in shock, chest heaving. she closes the door, leaving him alone to pursue garcia who pulls the folder back down. her mouth is open, and for the first time since y/n has started at the bau, garcia is speechless. “you have to keep this a secret.”

“my lips are sealed, lovebird. but you have got to find better places than the copy room. i came in expecting paperwork, not- not softcore porn.” with that, garcia turns on her kitty heels and walks across the hall to her cave. when y/n turns, spencer is face to face with her, smoothing his shirt. 

“that could have been bad.” she hisses to him, trying to resist how turned on she is by him towering over her, by the subtle smudge of lipstick on the side of his mouth.

“maybe we should try somewhere more private next time, then.” he suggests. “my apartment?” 

absolutely not, she thinks. not now, not ever. spencer reid is bad news.

“absolutely.”

---

the sun is setting on the horizon, the sky a canvas of purple and orange and pink hues when she knocks on the door to his apartment. she does it softly, almost hoping that he won’t hear and she can go home, but the door creaks open and he’s ushering her into the living room. 

“wow, your apartment is way nicer than mine.” the walls are lined with books perched on shelves, not to mention books stacked on end tables and the kitchen counter. it smells like coffee and lavender. she runs a finger across the spine of a book on the dining table and a slender finger hooks under her chin, tilting her head up. his gaze is intoxicating. 

“do you remember kansas?” he asks. how could she forget? it was one of her boldest moments, and she’s gone toe to toe with serial killers before. she knows what he’s getting at and the thought stirs a feeling in her stomach.

“mm, what about it?” she responds, playing dumb. he leans to where his lips brush against her ear.

“i’ve been curious about what you said. ‘i could show you how much of a slut i am,’ i think it was.” a heat is growing between her legs as he repeats her own words back to her. he caresses her cheek before looking at her with a stern expression. “now is this really what you want?”

bad news, the voice in her head screams. bad, bad news.

“i... i don’t know, spencer. i don’t know if i trust you enough yet.” she averts her gaze from him as he pulls away and his face softens.

“hey,” he whispers. “hey, i get it. i’m not asking you to trust me. i don’t even know if i trust you. but i will never, ever put you in a situation that you don’t want to be in, y/n.” she nods, her face flushed as she starts towards the door.

“i- i guess i should go then?”

“you could stay.” it comes out faster, louder than intended, a hint of desperation lingering in his voice. he clears his throat. “we could stay in or go out. if you want.”

“that sounds nice, reid.”

- - -

as they walk down the street with paper cups in each of their hands, y/n is practically stuck at a jog to keep up with his long strides.

“that place was so nice, how did i not know about that?” she exclaims.

“i’m just full of secrets, especially secrets about the best spots in the city. if you liked that, there’s plenty more i could show you.” he pauses. “if you’d like to go out again.”

“doctor spencer reid, my sworn enemy, the BAU’s resident genius, asking me out?” she gasps, placing a hand over her mouth and looking around with wide eyes as if to check for cameras. “how could i not accept?”

a comfortable silence settles as spencer shakes his head, both walking side by side now. the backs of their hands brush and she hooks a pinky onto his.

“i don’t think i ever really hated you.” he admits. a second more of silence. “i think that you’re different and it scared me. you’re so laidback and kind and communication is so effortless for you. it’s like you’re everything that i used to wish i could be.”

“spencer...”

“just let me say this, okay? i’ve been unfair to you and it isn’t because i hate you. it’s because i feel like i need to prove myself. but i don’t feel like that anymore. i want something with you. something better.”

“spencer, i could only hope to be half as intelligent as you, half as respected.” she shakes her head. “instead i’m just the naïve newcomer, someone everyone expects to break. sure, i’m good as far as emotional intelligence, but people skills and instinct don’t earn you anything in the bureau.”

“we have a lot to teach each other.” he says softly, and a smile spreads across his face.

“you really are full of secrets, aren’t you?”

[ddarker-dreams]

🎀 scarlet ribbons.

ITS SELF INDULGENT FRIDAY BOIS !! time for scarlet ribbons headcanons that i’ve been working on in between commissions, this is essentially just a reverse harem ...  there’s no yandere here for once, just some vibes... click here for an explanation ! the reader described here is the same in all the scenarios. i’m using she/her pronouns for this reader.

Bruno Bucciarati;

He forms a special kind of attachment to you, seeing as you’ll be the second person to join his team. You won over his compassionate heart, preventing a much crueler fate. As a foreign exchange student, you had taken out a loan with Passione to complete your education. The problem is, the egregious amount of interest being too much for you to pay back on time. Bucciarati had been ordered to collect your debt. Instead of following through with his orders, he used his favor with Polpo to let you pay back your debt by working for Passione under his leadership.

Appreciates the dynamic and resolve you bring to the group. While he tries his best not to show favoritism to any members of his team, you’re someone he always looks out for extra much. Not because he thinks of you incapable, but because his care for you runs deep after knowing you for years. He’s definitely going to catch onto the others holding similar feelings for you though.

Acts a bit different towards you in one on one scenarios, versus when the others are around. He’s more relaxed when it’s only the two of you, speaking of matters not relating to work and checking up on your well being. Bruno realizes he could listen to you for hours, enjoying your unique perspective. He also finds your foreign accent endearing, and has mentioned it to see how you blush at the compliment.

Super sweet with you, always has looked out for your best interest. He’s your go to when you feel stressed about your situation, providing the support you need, since he’s the only person aware of your circumstances. Bruno is reassuring, helping you in the moments the debt to the organization feels impossible to overcome. He’s offered to help pay for part of it, but you always refuse, feeling grateful enough to him as is. It pains him to see you hurting, but he does anything he can to make you feel better. Always pays for your meals though, no matter how much you raise a fuss about it. 

Giorno Giovanna;

There’s a certain warmth in you that he wasn’t sure what to think of at first. Giorno is an astute individual, making observations from afar, watching you joking and smiling with the rest of the team. He eventually comes to the conclusion that your presence fills his stomach with butterflies, seeing your more lighthearted approach to life. There’s something intoxicating about it, and he’ll jump for any opportunity to spend time with you much to the annoyance of everyone else, they already had enough competition wtf.

He’s a coy little shit at times. Giorno sees how the others look at you, especially how obvious Narancia and Mista are. When they get defensive over how much Giorno is talking to you, he’ll just flash a faux innocent smile and ask what the problem with it is. It’s more effective on Narancia, who just ends up sputtering before slinking away in defeat. Mista can kinda deflect the accusation better, though there’s still a blush on his face. Giorno knows what he’s doing lmaoo

It infuriates Abbacchio how obvious he is with you, like, the audacity of this man. Just swinging into Bucciarati’s team, trying to woo you away. Giorno is always asking for your opinion on how to proceed with certain things, even if his mind has already been made up. Anything just to talk to you. Most likely going to receive Abbacchio’s scorn the most for this, especially since Giorno will lean closer to you when you’re answering his questions. Giorno is just going :) , meanwhile Narancia is furiously taking notes. (”Okay, so if I ask [First] about this, I have an excuse to get closer to her...!)

He did strongly in school, maybe not as well as Fugo but is definitely academically gifted. So that means when he enters the picture, Fugo has some Competition for the English speaking buddy role. Giorno can understand most simple phrases and is capable of following the conversation, occasionally interjecting when he feels confident enough. Fugo might try and make his conversations with you more complicated because of this, since he’s petty and wants all your attention. You’re meant to be his English speaking buddy >:( !!

To be honest, Giorno’s not really sure what he’s doing, despite the suave impression he gives. Giorno has charisma, sure, but this is all very new to him. He’s still learning as he goes, and pays very close attention to how everyone else interacts with you. Anything to see your preferences, so he can use it to his advantage later. Has a large mental file on you, that comes in handy. He isn’t so much flirty, but more seeking out your company and thoughts on things.

Guido Mista;

Poor Mista almost friendzones himself in a way... he doesn’t mean to, but he wants to warm up to you in his own way!! And that way is through joking around and a lot of “friendly” banter. The friendly banter is more like thinly veiled flirting. He tries so hard to act cool and mysterious around you, like a Clint Eastwood character. Ends up being super goofy, though it works in his favor since he gets to see your cute smile!!! Victory!! 

Mista has no shame. He’ll show up outside your apartment, food in hand, saying he wants to come over and hang. He even lets you pick the movie if that’s what you want to do!! A true honor, since Mista is willing to sit through stuff he wouldn’t normally be interested in all for the sake of winning you over. <33 

Probably tied with Narancia for the most Unfortunate Mishaps to occur when attempting to woo you. Some favorites include, but are not limited to: when he tried giving you flowers but they kept making him sneeze, that time he was leaning against your door frame and fell over, and basically anything that happens when the Pistols come out. They wanna be his lil wing men, but they keep screwing him over... :< 

“[First]!! [First]!! We’re bored, come hang out with us instead!!!!” You’ll end up with a flurry of Pistols swirling around you very often, putting Mista’s affection for you on full display. It irritates Fugo the most, he almost wants to smack them away like they’re flies lmao. They might start sweatin’ when they see Fugo’s eyebrow twitch, the Stand often interrupting your conversations with the blonde. Mista tests his patience for sure. 

Pannacotta Fugo;

A bit of a typical tsun towards you at first. He’s all acting high and mighty, huffing about the newest member of the team not being as bright as him. In reality he just thinks you’re vvv cute, and doesn’t know how to process it. You greet him and his brain just kinda short circuits, and he gives a standoffish insult before running off to hide his blush. Bruno would find it endearing if not for his feelings for you lmao.

How he gets over this initial stump at the start of your relationship is by acting like you need his help. Especially if you stumble over any Italian words, namely Naples lingo being more difficult to master. He takes it upon himself to help you out... in reality he just really wants to spend more time with you. Also, seeing you stumble over words is precious, he tries not to tease you about it though. Does occasionally...

You end up being roommate at the start!!! To save money, but it’s whatever, who cares about the practical reasoning behind it. What matters is that he gets to spend even more time with you than the others. The problem is that Narancia and Mista make a point to come by often, which he finds to be very irritating. They even crash at your shared apartment at times, but because of how messy they are, don’t get an invitation to live permanently. Fugo is smug about how you picked him due to his cleanliness >:)c

English speaking buddies !! He might not be fluent in it, but he’s better at it than everyone else. Also a lot more capable of learning it, just for the sake of impressing you. Gets this very pleased look on his face when you two speak in simple English, Narancia staring over, pouting for being left out. It’s like a special connection or something, not that Fugo would ever admit to saying that to you. He’s flexing his academic muscles. 

Narancia Ghirgha;

Anyone could look over at Narancia and see his huge heart eyes for you. You like the same foreign music as him!! You can speak another language!! He wants to learn English from you, and keeps asking. Sometimes butchers the pronunciation but god it’s so cute who cares. Teach Narancia one phrase and he’s gonna be saying it nonstop for the rest of the week. Fugo, the only other member to understand English on a decent level until GioGio, is gonna be miserable whenever this happens. That’s his thing with you! Why can’t Narancia get something else, smh ...

If you recommend him a song he will not stop listening to it. Also expect a lot of discussions about different artists, mostly hip hop ones when Narancia is leading the conversation. He thinks it’s so cool you understand what they’re saying!! Is gonna ask you to translate them a lot. He kinda just stares at you, mouth agape when you’re singing along, like woah!! His crush is so talented. 

His most treasured moments with you, is when you recommend one another music, and share headphones. Sometimes you just bob your head to the rhythm, or sing along. Whatever the case, he gets to be close to you, and his brain is practically turning to mush at the fact your thighs are touching. 

Fugo did him dirty once in the past. Before Narancia realized he had Competition for your affections, he went to Fugo, asking how to compliment you in English. He should’ve known by how Fugo was staring at him with the most malicious smirk that he made a mistake. The next day, when meeting up at Libeccio, he came up to you. Chest puffed out, proud after a night of practicing his phrase. Then proceeded to say to you in English, “I am a fucking idiot!!!!” looking all smiley and excited. Needless to say, you almost spit out your food and laughed about it for a long time. Narancia has been planning his revenge on Fugo ever since...

Narancia follows you around like a lost puppy at times, but he’s a lot of fun to hang out around!! He’ll buy you gelato, and even lets you have a bite of his food if you ask. No one else has this special privilege. There is a time you offered to let him try a sip of your drink, and he almost melted. All his brain could think of is, indirect kiss, indirect kiss!!!! One of the best moments of his life tbh. 

Leone Abbacchio;

Abbacchio put a lot of effort into distancing himself from you. Why do you smile so much?? It makes him uncomfortable being around you, someone who is basically sunshine stuffed into a human body. It reminds him of all his shortcomings, which he feels he has no shortage of. But when you make the initially irritating decision to keep speaking to him, only giving space when you felt he really needed it, it won over his little grinch heart. 

He’s been wrapped around your finger ever since. Unlike the other bumbling buffoons who are tripping over themselves to get an ounce of your attention, he plays it cool. More of a Bucciarati approach to things. Asking about your interests, letting you do most of the talking so he has no chance to embarrass himself (like *cough* Narancia *cough*).

Next to Fugo, is most likely to call other members out on their nonsense. He wouldn’t dare do so for Bruno, but everyone else is fair game. The main victim to this treatment is Giorno. Abbacchio might even offer some “advice” to him, giving false information all under the guise of assisting Giorno’s pursuit of you. He takes a more hands off approach on everyone else. 

He doesn’t want to invite you over to his place because of how dreary it is, so he has to find other ways to get one on one time with you. This mostly happens by talking about things no one else finds of interest to you, namely makeup or other fashion things. 

You are the only person who gets to call him any nicknames, the one you lean towards typically being Abba. Narancia once made a mistake of calling him this, only to earn a very threatening glare. When you do it though, he has to push down the urge to smile. How cute!! 

Trish Una;

Gay rights time . Trish looks at you and immediately thinks wow, perfect girlfriend material right there. Still acts a bit reserved at first, considering her complex situation and how she’s still piecing it all together in her heard. Since you’re the only other girl on the team, she gets the benefit of Bucciarati assigning you to be extra close to her. All according to plan heheh >:) 

When she flirts, she goes all in. Asking about what kind of perfume you wear, your favorite shade of lipstick, what kind of outfits you like the most. All of it is under the pretense of getting to know you better, and while she does enjoy that aspect of it, she might start adopting some of the things you find appealing. She is 100% gonna ask to borrow your shirts and makeup, and extends the same offer to you. 

Trish is far more playful with you than the others, who all just kinda stare at the interactions like ??? When you were her bodyguard, she always subconsciously went to sit down next to you. No one else on the team can say anything, since she’s the boss’ daughter after all !! She considered you more of a distraction from her anxiety inducing situation at first, seeing as you had shared interests to speak about. Over time, your doting nature over her won out. 

Would be pissed if you ever got hurt trying to defend her. You might joke around about how you’re her bodyguard, not the other way around. Trish just can’t bear the thought of losing someone important to her, after all she’s already lost. 

Her phone background is a selfie the two of you took, even after she eventually distances herself from Passione to advance her singing career. Expect lots of texts messages, checking up on how you’re doing!! Trish unfortunately has a busy schedule, that requires a lot of traveling for her concerts and other bookings. Though anytime she is near Naples, she’s messaging you and asking to meet up. <33 

[flowers-of-io]

@eri-223​ you brought it upon yourself, now I won’t shut up c:

OKAY SO

I can’t really draw neat straight lines between the two, but there’s so much aesthetic similarity to me, particularly with Toland and the Hive-Ascendancy thing. Maybe it’s just me dying for the vibes (or loving POTO in general since I was 9), but it struck me today how Eris/Toland--when it’s made a Working ship--is basically everything Christine/Erik is not. There is so much to be said about Christine/Erik alone, but to me it’s an epitome of why gothic-novel-esque dynamics don’t really work in the long run when they don’t move past being just Gothic and Tragic. And hear me out. A goodhearted, elfin woman at her vulnerable point (grief over father) meets a honey-voiced stranger and has this secret thing with him, this music they share in the dead of night, and it’s intoxicating because music *is* her passion (and something she has deep emotions over in itself, the thing that is most hers in the world) and it’s secret, and a whole other world to what she’s facing in the daytime. The mystery is intriguing, and that’s intoxicating too. And there’s an uncomfortable power imbalance but it doesn’t bother you just yet, because there isn’t really any attraction between the two--not in the romantic-as-in-love sense at least, rather this romantic-as-in-romanticism pull all dark beautiful secret things have.

And here we can shout a fucking thank you at Erik for completely ruining that beauty by being an absolute creep. But Chrissie doesn’t know that yet. And so he leads her deep down into the dark, into his world of darkness and secrecy and yet twisted beauty, and she is living the mystery now, she’s in this nighttime world they would share in secret. And she’s close enough to take a peek behind the mask, something she was so violently curious about and attracted to, a glance into the dark abyss of his soul that is so intriguing. And so she does peek, and what she finds is terrifying rot.

And this, THIS is the best moment of the entire thing to me. This story could be well off without Raoul (whom I deeply love and cherish but he ruins the gothic) because he adds this romantic tension of a love triangle (which I absolutely loathe because ugh. love triangles.) to what could have been a tale of a girl torn between the world of day and night rather than two men who each love her in a different way. There’s so much of Persephone-sque struggle in Christine’s soul that has been shunned by the story imo, and would have made the whole thing better in the long run (and maybe less grossly-abusive on Erik’s part).

So let’s circle back to Toland, another pale, bony, possibly disfigured brunet in a dark coat with a living room full of skulls and candles (the vibes, huh. he probably owned a boat and a horse too). If we take Eris/Toland as starting off before the Hellmouth (I’m really starting to tentatively test my ground on this hhhng), it feels like the same story slightly to the left. Granted, Eris has more agency, but there’s still a huge power imbalance in her and Eriana coming to Toland--an exiled genius|madman with an evil black crow (Guren) perching on his shoulder--and asking him for help, laying their and their team’s lives at his feet - him, who could probably kill them in seventeen different yet equally fancy ways were he more invested! And there is so much darkness here already because how dark it must have been in Eris’ soul to agree on this revenge fantasy, what an abyss Eriana’s eyes must have been hiding; how desperate they must have been to come to him, to even consider this, to choose a possibility of painful, screaming agony in the Hellmouth over the ache they were feeling now. And so there’s vulnerability, too, in a way - because they’re desperate, because they’re hurting, because everything has been taken from them and they have nothing else to do but this ridiculous, mad plan. And oh he can abuse this void, he can make them do whatever he wants and they’d do it gladly, and I have a feeling both Eris and Eriana are aware of that.

And so they work, in secret, cracking secrets of the Hive, tasting the rot of the forbidden fruit, hiding from the daylight with their dark, heretic, nighttime folly. I think there is a threshold at wherever it is they are meeting--be it a room or a house, Eriana’s kitchen or Toland’s disturbing “lab”--in the doorway, between the bright but empty world of patrols and strikes and dead friends and this horrid, twisted, yet fascinating realm of promised vengeance. And I think Eris learns, hungry for secrets, hungry perhaps for Toland’s eyes on her because all dark beautiful secret things have a pull, and she can’t tell if she’s more drunk on the adventure, or the heresy they’re so blatantly committing, or him. And maybe he reciprocates in his own twisted way, maybe they talk or kiss over the parchment pages, and she cannot tell--she cannot tell if his eyes are truly for her or the Hive, the mystery, the thing they’re doing. I’m thinking of what you wrote, how “he wanted Ascendance as badly as she wanted him”. But despite that--or maybe because of it--she allows herself to be led deep down into the dark, into his world of darkness and secrecy and yet twisted beauty, and she is living the mystery now, she’s in this nighttime world they would share in secret. Is it the Hellmouth? Maybe, though I think it’s a process that spans between their secret studies of the Hive and the midst of their descent, when Vell is dead and maybe they’re all doomed, and Toland’s eyes twinkle in the dark and it’s such beautiful madness she cannot help staring. And the checkpoint has come, time to show cards--and she’s close enough to take a peek behind the mask, something she was so violently curious about and attracted to, a glance into the dark abyss of his soul that was so intriguing. And so she does peek, and what she finds is terrifying rot.

I think this is Ir Yut, or maybe a little bit earlier, but nevertheless the bubble bursts and Eris is left in the dark alone and betrayed. That’s of little concern, of course, when the Hive is hunting you down and all you hear is your friends’ dying screams, but it still hurts, it’s still bitter, it’s still so, so wrong. I like to think he comes to teach her then, maybe give her the journals, and it’s a whirlwind of madness and horror and fury and gore, but he’s whatever comfort she can hope for at this point. It’s twisted, it’s awful, it’s dark-gothic rotten, it’s as wrong and horrid as Erik/Christine is as a whole.

But then they’re given the chance Erik/Christine never got. They’re allowed to outgrow the rot. There’s so much dysfunctionality and disturb going on in most gothic-esque “love” stories because it’s not love, it’s attraction taken for a spin and often grossly abused. Love is growth. I like to think of what must have been going on in Eris’ head (and Toland’s too, perhaps, though I doubt he had one at that point) when they were exchanging the letters, the dearest Eris right next to did you watch me carve out each eye; now that she’s wiser, and scarred, and not so stupid anymore--but there’s still that dark pull she can’t help, now even scarier than before that she knows him for what he really is, now that she’s seen the rot. There’s so much hurt to be outgrown, so much betrayal, but she finds he’s yet again whatever comfort she can hope for (that entry *is* called A Light In The Darkness, huh). I could wax poetic about this whole process but I think you captured it so well in STM I don’t have much else to add.

I wanted to throw quotes into it but couldn’t quite fit them into this, uh, essay (which I didn’t absolutely re-read), and I guess Music of the Night would apply here but it’s ripe with uncomfortable sexual tension?? And aside from that (which is in its entirety a trip) just consider these ah

this whole moment

also this

He'll always be there singing songs in my head  Is this Eris in the letters phase? maybe. I performed a vibe check and it showed positive

Wandering Child for how unhealthy-twisted and beautiful it is (ignore Raoul, I have no metaphor for him in this au)

For either way you choose, you cannot win  It’s just a good quote y’all

Farewell my fallen idol and false friend / We had such hopes, and now those hopes are shattered 

Angel of Music, you deceived me / I gave you my mind blindly  (HOW SHE WHISPERS THAT LAST PART IN THE MOVIE OK)

Stranger than you dreamt it  now you’re stranded in the Hellmouth good job

What warm, unspoken secrets will we learn / Beyond the point of no return

The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn

Down that path into darkness deep as hell  but Toland smiles while he sings this

And of course the classic,  And in this labyrinth where night is blind / The Phantom of the Opera is here inside my mind

Wow! I didn’t even get to the Dreaming City! It’s way more vague than the whole Eris/Toland thing because of course ships take up 80% of my brainspace but idk I just find it so incredibly fitting when it comes to paralleling Savathun/Dul Incaru terrorising the Dreaming City with what Erik does to the opera. Like, everybody knows he’s There but no one can do anything about it, he sends vague threats and kills people but nobody can catch him, and the place is just a giant playground for him to have fun and achieve his personal goals in. And whatever the hell is going on in Masquerade, like

Masquerade! Seething shadows breathing lies Masquerade! You can fool any friend who ever knew you Masquerade! Leering satyrs, peering eyes Masquerade! Run and hide, but a face will still pursue you

wow that sure is subtle. Seething shadows breathing lies, huh. Run and hide, but a face will still pursue you :) And then he crashes the party in a fucking Red Death costume. If this doesn’t have huge Dul Incaru/Siren of Riven energy I don’t know what has.

And of course the shitshow only starts when we kill Riven but the seeds have been planted long, long ago. If you listen closely, you can hear Petra screaming in confusion somewhere under box five.

I know most of this second part is a stretch, BUT! this is my au. And for the record, I know there are very mixed feeling about the 2004 POTO movie but to me personally it was a formative experience, first watched on a very crappy TV in music class at the age of 9 and not even in its entirety, but I was already captivated and shaken to the core, and there’s still, after all those years, something that screams at my soul when I hear the first notes.

And, as a treat for those who suffered with me until the end of this essay,

[caprina-mints]

Could we maybe get a scenario where EJ is in heat and doing the dirty with his s/o if that’s fine ówò

So This Became a Oneshot Because I accidentally made it a bit too Long! But I Hope everyone Enjoys This Though! : )

Type : SMUT

Word Count : 4208

E.J's HEAT

As Usual it's like any other Day at the Mansion being part of this bizarre family is really one heck of a ride. You never know what could happen like anything could happen. Anything.

You're fresh meat. You just joined the family two months ago and getting used to everyone and their behavior was a real pain in the ass.

But surprisingly you clicked well with Toby and E.J the two both have a unique and striking personality but the one that intrigued you the most was Jack.

He gives off a cold and mysterious vibe and you just can't help but to have your curious eyes gleaming at him. You two got along well and he told you a little bit of everything when it came to the human anatomy.

He's a bit over protective of you maybe it's because he sees you as a trusted friend? Well during those 2 months You and Him became a little Mushy together and a week earlier he has been acting extremely weird.

Like, He'd growl if another male creep came near you or even talked to you. He's around you all the time and the only place you're actually alone is your bedroom.

He kept tugging and nudging you just to get his attention and whenever you give him any form of physical touch he'd purr and lean onto you .

He's become very clingy and from the looks of it. It wasn't good judging from the looks the creeps were giving you.

They knew something You don't. Today you were sent on a Job which is unusual because you never get sent out alone but you are now.

Fortunately the Job was easier than expected so you went back to the mansion early.

You barely even touched the door and a Body was sent flying out knocking you along with it.

Groaning you sat back to see who it was and it was none other than the resident smile kid, Jeff.

" What the fuck? " You groaned standing up and brushing your clothes off of the remaining dirt.

" Y/n!... You're fucking back!? " Jeff sounded nervous and bothered seeing you and his expression and tone made it so obvious it offended you.

" Yeah? What's wrong with it? You think I'd never come back because of a tiny Job? " You threw a sharp glare his way and he didn't seem to give a reaction to your attempt on intimidating him .

" You gotta go. Now! ASAP! " Jeff tried shoving you back into the forest and you were dragged on the way.

" Hey! Let me go! What gives!? " You grumbled trying to pry his hand away from your wrist.

But your action was cut short when you heard a loud Yell which sounded more like an animalistic Growl come from inside the mansion.

" What the fuck? What's going on Jeff?! " You asked in panic and at the corner of your eye you could see Jeff Visibly Swallow.

It was definitely serious.

" Did you guys summon a Demon or something!? To get revenge on slenderman? " You jumped to your own assumptions because if he isn't giving you an answer you're going to make your own assumptions .

" No why on earth would we do that? Ok I would! But our Demon Boy is Going In Heat which means He's basically A Cageless Feral Beast on the Loose! " Jeff explained as he continued to drag you deeper into the forest but his pace had increasing by every passing second.

" What does it have to do with me!? " You yelled looking back at the doors of the mansion which were now pounding violently.

" Are you Dumb? Isn't it obvious? He's a demon. He's in heat. If Demons are in Heat they look for a Mate to Fuck and You're unfortunate enough to Have E.J see you as a potential Mate " Jeff explained and you were actually quite shocked by his statement... That's the most well executed Explanation you heard him say.

" Wow.. You sounded kinda uh... Less stupid when you said that " You commented which earned a groan of annoyance from the bleached Smile Child.

You two didn't manage to get far when the doors burst open and you could see. A Black figure heading your way at full speed and following behind that figure were Masky, hoodie, Toby, Ben , Helen and Even Puppeteer Seemed to be involved with the chase.

" Run! They couldn't Hold Him much Longer! " Ben yelled coming out from the mansion and Immediately You Bolted off with Jeff at Full speed never looking back.

You were actually terrified ... 1. if you stay You get Fucked By E.J who you have a hidden feeling for which is... Uh.. Kinda Great? But... 2. I heard Demons Eat their Partners After Sex and you definitely don't want to end up dead. It must be a fact because the one who told you about that was a demon... Jack himself.

" Mate! " You heard a rough growl from behind you his voice Echoing through the woods and when you looked back to take a peek boy were you scared shitless.

He was running on all fours his mask off and his teeth razor sharp, his claws extended and looked extra deadly and he has this domineering aura with him that made every cell of your body shout RUN. Behind him were the rest of the Boys Following Behind and even Puppeteer's strings couldn't hold him.

" Shit He's Catching up! " Jeff yelled and you couldn't help but give off a snarky comment.

" Ya Think!? " You snapped , Your feet were getting tired from running because you just got back from a fucking Mission. You didn't expect to be served a full course of Bullshit when you got back.

" Y/n! " Oh Lord the way he growled out your name made your knees weak and you stumbled on a rock but lucky for you Jeff wasn't being a prick and he pulled your weight back up while running .

" Don't Touch Her! " E.J's threatening Snarl was heard from behind and his Voice changed to something more vicious and ruthless.

" Jack! Stop Chasing Us! " You Cried out because your legs couldn't Take it Anymore, You were panting, sweaty and most of all Traumatized.

You once lived as a normal human who knows nothing about Demons and This World of killers. You were just dragged in unexpectedly and you can't take everything in one go! .

" Then Stop Fucking running from me! " You didn't expect him to reply and you felt relief wash over you.

" So you'll stop chasing us if we stop running? You'll Leave us alone? " You asked making sure you and him are on the same page.

You heard a loud audible growl before you heard his answer.

" Yes " It sounded forced judging by his tone and you were skeptical at first but Jeff had other plans and saw right through His.

" Don't listen to Him! I've lived with Him longer and obviously He's Lying! " Jeff stated and his words made the angry demon boy growl at Jeff, as if he was warning Him.

" Jeff. Don't Fucking Test Me! " He barked and that was enough to silence both of us.

" I can't take it anymore. Jeff even though you're an asshole you're gonna have to live on " You panted and Jeff Flashed you a questioning Look. You didn't bother to reply because it's time to face your fears.

You stopped on your tracks as you turned around Closing your eyes expecting the worst .

You felt sharp claws tug on your hips and your back was slammed on a nearby tree.

You heard growling , the type of growl a prey gives to a little bunny... Yeah it was that scary.

You forced your eyes to peek a look and you saw E.J's figure towering over yours baring his sharp teeth and his claws dug deeper on your flesh making you whimper.

" Why'd you run!? Especially with another man! You like others touching you Huh!?" He spat out angrily his face dangerously close to yours. He was using the same tone earlier and it made you weak.

" Why'd you chase us!? Of course it's a common instinct to run if you see something chasing you... Ready to eat you" You murmured the last part but E.J heard it loud and clear.

" I just wanted to be close to You But you ran away... You don't want to be with me that much? " He whimpered almost like a small dog who was abandoned by his owner.

He nuzzled his face on the crook of your neck your sweet smell intoxicating him but he knew he had to control himself.

His claws were no longer as sharp as they were before and you could hear him purring while rubbing himself on your form.

" Guilt Tripping me is a really old move E.J " You chuckled trying to pry him off you but he whined holding onto you even tighter.

Oh what the hell I'm going with it.

You placed your hand gently on his head petting his locks of brown hair, he started purring and leaned on your touch his hands going lower but the two of you were interrupted.

" Y/n! Get away from Him! " You heard the familiar voice of Jeff and this time Masky, hoodie and the rest were here.

You didn't get to react because Jack pulled you in his arms growling at the other males. Baring his teeth and almost hissing at them Jack took a few steps back with you.

" Stick your noses to your own fucking business! "

" Jack! She may be a potential mate but we can't have you fucking someone in the mansion just because of your heat. You may not even feel anything for-"

" She is MY mate, she is Mine to Keep and Mine to Love. I don't need your opinion to tell me what to Do! She'll be mine forever and I'll stay true to my words now fuck off! " Jack Snarled glaring at everyone else . The boys seemed to be communicating in a telepathic way because they just exchanged a few looks to one another before finally leaving.

" Y/n...last call if you don't want to just say so we'll help you" Hoodie called out and when you gave the slightest reaction to his question Jack Started whining and whimpering almost like he was physically hurt.

" Uh... I'll be Fine " You answered and Hoodie nodded walking off.

" So- Ah! " You squealed when you were thrown over his shoulder.

" Jack! Wait where are we going? " You asked when he started walking the opposite direction of where hoodie and the rest were heading.

".... I have a cottage around here whenever I'm having my heat... " He answered in a hushed tone .

You looked back at his features and you noticed how he kept realising puffs of breaths, His Face was oddly a different shade that usual and his hands were really fidgety.

" Jack if I'm heavy you can put me dow-"

" And let you run away again? you're not doing that you little Brat. Running away like that with another man. Oh you like teasing me don't you? " His tone was deep and taunting and you could feel his hand crawling its way up your ass.

You felt him squeeze your butt cheek making you gasp and groan when he smacked your ass.

" Jack stop! " You grumbled bit he didn't take that lightly.

" Oh? Resisting me too? " His hand trailed lower down to your pussy rubbing your pussy through the thin fabric of your leggings.

You bit back a moan closing your eyes , he didn't like it and started rubbing you at a rougher pace.

He didn't stop while maneuvering his way through the thick forest and by the time you two arrived at a small cottage you were soaked.

You survived that part by swallowing your voice and it seemed to have thrilled him even more taking it as a challenge.

Opening the door he closed it using his feet and immediately threw you on the couch were he towered over you glaring down at your form.

" Holding back your moans I see? You'll be screaming before you know it " He muttered his large hands gripping onto the fabric of your shirt and with ease he tore your shirt to shreds leaving you in your bra and the only piece of clothing you had now were your leggings.

Your heartbeat began to increase as you scooted away from him . He noticed that and grabbed your foot pulling you over in between his legs both of your legs spread and set on each of his sides and you could clearly feel his hardened cock from your position.

" Oops to Late to run away Now" He grinned using his claws to tear the fabric of your bra and before you knew it he attacked your lips in a hungry Kiss his hands groping your boobs, squeezing and pinching your nipples making you moan in the kiss.

He bit down on your lower lip just enough to tear the skin drawing out a small amount of blood before continuing down to your neck and collar bone his sharp teeth pricking your skin feeling him suck, kiss and nip your neck, your shoulder and collarbone.

You tried pushing him off but he had your hands under his grisly grip before licking and taking your cold buds in his warm mouth his tongue playing and swirling around your breast giving a subtle bite before sucking on your breast each Mounds having the same amount of attention and pleasure.

You arched your back moaning slowly giving into the pleasure he released your hands before shoving two of his fingers inside your mouth . You got the hint and welcomed his fingers inside your mouth sucking and coating his fingers with your saliva while continuing his unfinished worked with your breast.

After awhile he pulled his fingers away and faster than you could say 'I' your leggings along with your soaked panties were ripped and thrown to the floor gasping when the cold air hit your glistening pussy and the very same fingers you sucked on earlier came rubbing on your clit earning a loud shaky moan to tear away from your throat.

He looked so smug seeing how wet you were and he didn't waste another second and placed both of your legs on his shoulders his face dangerously close to your heated flower .

" J-jack Wa- Ahh~" You couldn't stop him when his long Black tongue came lapping on your juices.

His tongue draped over your pussy in a slow and agonizing way making you whine and glare up at him with heavy lidded eyes.

He chuckled at your needy state before his teeth came in contact with your inner thighs biting down on your flesh making you flinch and squeak.

He left a noticeable bite mark on your inner thighs before his teeth grazed on your other thigh doing the same thing while your slick covered pussy was needy for his attention.

" Jack please " You whined biting your bottom lip and hearing you plead for him to give you more aroused him further.

His tongue sneakily slid past your folds and into your squelching pussy , your moans shaky and desperate your hands flailed around to find something to hold on and subconsciously you held onto his brown messy locks raking your fingers through his hair as his tongue went in and out of your fleshy walls and your walls wet and needy welcomed him desperately sucking his tongue in.

You could feel him so deep inside of you it made you squirm and cry out his name in pleasure.

How long is his tongue!?.

Your hips bucked and rocked while he ate you out his tongue playing freely inside you but that was when another tongue rolled out of his mouth and another one.

" Oh shit Jack! " You screamed when he inserted another one while the shorter one lapped on your clit and teased your folds.

Your core lit up when both of his tongues came wiggling inside your walls only making your walls clench tightly around his tongues and when a bubbly and hot sensation built up inside you and was ready to release he pulled back his chin and mouth covered by your juices and slowly dropped down on his chest. He stared at you with a lascivious grin when you grumbles and whine for him to finish what he started.

" You were resisting and running away from me earlier... Look at you now... So wet and Needy for me... What do you want mate? " He purred as he pulled down his pants along with his boxers revealing his thick veiny cock which was bigger than you expected.

How's that supposed to fit?

As if he read your expression he gave you an answer.

" Oh it's gonna fit. I'll make sure you're taking every inch of me for making me go through all that trouble chasing you around like a mad Dog" He growled his figure growing bigger , his ears began to grow longer as well as his claws . Now you know that this is the demon Jack had been hiding.

" Answer me! " He spat at you his hand snaking to your throat slightly choking you and damn hell it sure did turn you on.

" Your Cock... Fuck me till I can't walk anymore " You choked out and that was enough for him to ram his whole length in not even going gentle at first. He didn't give you time to adjust because technically this isn't Jack anymore. He slid inside easily because of how wet you were to begin with .

" Oh- Shit Jack! " You couldn't even finish your sentence because you were choked up in your own moans.

He was going so fast, You felt his Knot and the very shape of his Cock mold inside your pussy. He hit the deepest part of you with every fast and rough thrust.

His speed was in human and it felt so good you almost forgot how to breathe being choked up and at the same time being a moaning mess from his roughness.

You heard his gruff groans and pants not even holding back a loud snarl he placed both of his hand right next to your head trying to steady himself as he pounded is inside you mercilessly and everytime he pumped himself in, your walls would gladly squeeze the life out of him.

An animalistic growl escaped his lips as he gritted his teeth, his claws digging and ripping into the cushion of the furniture and you heard something crack. Was it the couch or the wooden floor.

Tears began to pool at the corner of your eyes holding onto his neck for dear life your legs tightly wrapped around his torso , you couldn't keep up with how rough he is you began to feel dizzy.

Every time he snapped his back and rammed himself in he could reach the deepest depths he could .

Your toes curled arching your back while moaning in pleasure as you reached your high releasing your juices all over his cock. Your walls dangerously clenching his cock which led him to bite down on your shoulder finally releasing his thick seeds deep inside of you.

Panting while staying on that position he pulled himself out of your cum filled pussy that leaked out his seeds.

He sat back on the couch panting before his hand came down on his cock jerking himself while staring at you.

It didn't take him 5 seconds and he was already rock hard.

Oh wow.

He yanked you by your arm and you sunk down on your knees infront of him with his cock standing hard with all its glory.

This time he guided your hand on his shaft letting you stroke him.

Did he really think you're that innocent? Hah. Just watch.

At first your movements were shy and timid and you stuck your tongue out a little to give his tip a few kitten licks.

Looking down at you he saw such an adorable expression in your face. He didn't expect you to directly take his whole cock in your mouth in one go unexpectedly.

He was completely caught of guard his clawed hand pulled on your hair and a loud breathy moan was forced out of his throat staring at you with wide eyes.

" Fuck " He groaned out when you started bobbing your head up and down while occasionally pulling away with a pop before trailing your tongue from his base up to his tip.

The sight of you was really something he'd kill to see. Kneeling right there with an Innocent face while taking his cock like that. Shit he found it extremely hard to control himself around you.

It didn't help when you took him whole once again your hands going down to massage his balls while increasing your speed.

You were so pretty and so good with your tongue. He just had to have you right now and that's exactly what he did.

He stood up shoving your head down on the couch befire you felt him his cock enter you again .

Gasping in surprise you felt his clawed had dig into the skin of your hips and your pussy took him in so tight and so well it made the both of you moan in sync.

Shit how the fuck are you still this tight after he literally wrecked you earlier? .

He didn't much for awhile and it irritated you. You wanted him to fuck you already. You raised your hips but his grip on your flesh made it hard to do so.

" Fucking Move! " You groaned clutching onto the cushion of the couch.

" I'm fucking working on it you impatient little Mate" He pulled back only to push himself back in again.

It made you moan and shudder your knees shaking and your hands trembling as you held onto the seat of the couch when he started ramming himself in again and again .

Your pussy swallowing his cock deep inside you every time he did so. You sucked him inside your walls so well he was so close to releasing again.

You cried out and loud pants and mewls filled the room because you were still so fucking sensitive and you were still being fucked by him at such an animalistic way.

You felt his weight in your hips and he started going even faster. You were practically drooling while moaning out his name.

Your mind felt so mushy and you were slowly seeing stars.

You started moving your hips to meet his thrusts and every time you did he kept hitting that one spot that could make you scream .

You cursed under your breath and felt your walls hugging his cock even tighter. He looked down on you seeing you at such a vulnerable state under his mercy was really something. A growl rumbling at the back of his throat. You were squeezing onto his cock like you were ready to milk him dry.

His thrusts became shallow but soon he sped up almost immediately catching his breath while you made a lot more sinful sounds underneath him.

After a few more thrusts the two of you came at the same time your cum mixed with his and you could feel it leaking out of your hole because of how much was inside. Panting while trying to keep yourself from fainting he stayed at that position for awhile before leaning down to trail soft kisses on your bare back.

" ... after my heat you are obligated to Date me. If you say otherwise... I have my ways to get you around-"

" Oh my God Jack I love you too ok? No need to go that far " You grumbled and from you position you heard his chuckle and another kiss was planted on your back.

" I'm glad you do Y/n "

" Oh and... You're not gonna eat me right? " You asked cautiously and he was quiet for a few seconds before he burst out laughing.

" You seriously believed what I said? I was just Joking Little Mate "

" Tsk... Fuck you Jack "

" Oh I see that you're ready for another round"

By the Time you two were finally done you were cum soaked and sticky, the two of you hopped in the shower but it led to something more again.

[kaylorrehabcenter]

Rating Every Song on Fearless Based on How Gay it is

Hello friends! I still have a few song analyses in the pipeline (and one on Lover the album) but today in honor of Fearless (Taylor’s Edition) being announced and Love Story being released in a few hours I thought I’d do something fun to celebrate!

And you know what? Fuck my usual disclaimer, I am the word of god here. Try and change my mind about any of these. I dare you. (I kid I kid this isn’t that serious and you’re free to disagree <3)

1. Fearless 15/10

Everything about this song is so fucking gay oh my god. This isn’t a fruit, this is a whole ass edible arrangement. As a small rural town Gay (my hometown has a population of less that 4,000 and where I’m living now has a population of 2,500) this uh. Hits.

“And I don't know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless”

Y’ALL

The idea of falling in love with someone who makes you less afraid of your homophobic small town…….it’s getting to me.

“My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but/You pull me in and I'm a little more brave/It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something/It's fearless”

This is making me emotional, I'll be honest. I see so much of my friends and my experience in high school in this song. 

This quote I found on genius is from when the album was released on BMR’s website.

“When I wrote ‘Fearless,’ I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven’t had yet.”

This just screams baby Tay writing gay folklore to me, about the gay stories she wish she had. Notice how there are no pronouns in this song??? Fruity I’m telling you.

All that to say. I’m crying because the linear note says “I loved you before I met you” and I want to go listen to Long Story Short and cry now.

2. Fifteen 1/10

Objectively pretty straight as she’s singing about her and Abigail’s dating boys in HS. And Taylor got with a senior guy. Good for her I suppose.

Unless he was one of the shitty ones in which case.

“This is life before you know who you're gonna be”

This however, is a cute line and the whole song makes me warm and nostalgic. You can also hear her crying after the line “and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” which makes me emo and I’m sure will take on new depth after Abigail’s divorce and hurt me even more.

Other highlights that make me sob include.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted/Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now/Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday/But I realized some bigger dreams of mine”

Bigger dreams of hers indeed :’)

(Also how can you say she’s a gold star lesbian when this song exists. She was obviously dating boys in high school and even if you think she’s a lesbian. Comp het is a hell of a drug kids.)

3. Love Story 8/10

Tried to change the ending indeed.

This is THE Taylor Swift song, and maybe it’s the nostalgia talking but damn I still love it. Written because she wanted to change the ending of Romeo and Juliet (how anyone likes RandJ enough to want to rewrite I have no clue.) and/or because her parents didn’t approve of a guy she was seeing. (according to genius, it would’ve been too early for Joe J so it could possibly be Boys Like Girls frontman, his image did clash with hers and they did release some cute songs together. However if you want my take it’s probably folklore about Emily, take for what you will)

This song has very oft gay vibes with the ‘They don’t approve of our love angle!’ but uses male pronouns so points redacted for that. HOWEVER this is a very early use of ~the male perspective~ in Taylor’s songs and for that it deserves all the love.

“ So I sneak out to the garden to see you/We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew/So close your eyes/Escape this town for a little while”

More rural town angst!!!

Nothing gets me more than rural town angst.

“Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel/This love is difficult, but it's real”

Originally the lyric was “this love is different”. Granted I do not remember the source, i’s just lore implanted into my brain, but make of that what you will.

“"Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone/I love you, and that's all I really know/I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress/It's a love story, baby, just say "Yes"”

Marry me Juliet from the male perspective :)

Also worth noting. This is Karlie’s (and Kim K’s lmao) favorite Taylor song which. While basic as hell. Makes this cover sad as hell to this former Kaylor. (thanks @swiftgron-get-married for the tears <3)

Also not to make this about a man AGAIN but the secret message is “Some day I’ll find this” AND SHE DID IM CRYING.

4. Hey Stephen 1/10

The one thing Camilla Cabello and I have in common is loving this song, so I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This song is very painfully straight.

How can you think this woman is a gold star lesbian.

The only noteworthy thing is that this is one of the few songs she confirms who it’s about. The secret message is “Love and Theft” which is the name of a country music duo who went on to open her Fearless tour. Which, does make me side eye this song a little bit.

Still a cute song.

“Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing/I don't always have to be alone”

5. White Horse 1/10

Oh look. It’s track five. 

You know maybe this is just me being a bitch but in my ranking of track fives this is. Pretty low. Maybe on the bottom.

Like I don’t have a lot to say about it. 

She’s going through it over a guy. He was a cheating dickweazel. 

“'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale/I'm gonna find someone someday/Who might actually treat me well”

“Try and catch me now, oh/It's too late/To catch me now”

These lines hit though!!

And she found Joe!! Who treats her well!!!! And she isn’t the princess, she’s the prince who dropped her sword and knocked on her door!!! But this time if they come for them she’s ready!!!

Yes I will make every song about Long Story Short <3

6. You Belong With Me 5/10

Ah yes. The other THE Taylor Swift song.

You know. If I went to a high school with a cheerleading squad. And I had a crush on a cheerleader. I would blast this song. So for that it gets a 5/10. Otherwise. Fairly straight and fairly iconic.

7. Breathe 8/10

Well. We know this one is about a woman. (Emily Poe for those not in the know. Ha. A rhyme!) That alone has an 8/10. And it’s the first time she has a featured artist so bonus points for that!

It was nominated for a Grammy and it fucking lost to Jason Mraz. When’s the last time you thought about Jason Mraz.

I will not have Kaylor feels on a fucking Fearless song but damn is it VERY easy.

“Never a clean break, no one here to save me/You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand”

“It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend/Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me”

Also this bridge? Goes off. HIGHLY underrated. 

8. Tell Me Why 3/10

You know. Maybe this album isn’t as gay as I once thought.

This song does bop though, not as good as her other angry songs on this album. But I can vibe with this you know. Why are you being an asshole mysterious man.

“You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day”

This has to be one of baby Tay’s best burns. Damn. 

“Why do you have to make me feel small/So you can feel whole inside?/Why do you have to put down my dreams/So you're the only thing on my mind?”

Men ain’t shit kids. However, bonus points for the shade. 

9. You’re not Sorry 1/10

Ok, ok. Maybe this was a foolish endeavor.

Because yet again we have a very straight song. A good song. That was on Taylor’s episode of CSI. But oh dear. Very straight. Gets a measly one point. We started this post off so very very gay but damn. We seem to be nearing the end on a very straight note.

10. The Way I Loved You 20/10

Hey Remember what I said about this album being very straight.

WELL THAT WAS A LIE.

Is this a comphet album or am I projecting.

This is one of my favorite baby gay Taylor songs. Her masterful use of pronouns (he is sensible! And so incredible! And all my single friends are jealous! But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when it was two am and I was cursing your name!) makes the other person she’s singing about completely vague, while we know she isn’t happy with whichever guy she’s dating.

Mayhaps an early reaction to PRomances?

Either way this song is so good, truly an underrated gay gem I mean. Look at it.

“Breaking down and coming undone/It's a roller coaster kind of rush/And I never knew I could feel that much/And that's the way I loved you”

AND THE BRIDGE. Do all of her gay songs just have kickass bridges?

“He can't see the smile I'm faking/And my heart's not breaking/'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all/And you were wild and crazy/Just so frustrating/Intoxicating, complicated/Got away by some mistake and now…”

Damn. I’m imaging this with 2020 vocals and fucking ascending.

Also please watch the live performance of it from the Fearless tour. It’s such a damn shame this got cut from the movie and some woman in the front row is wearing a cowboy hat. Everyone is holding up those cameras everyone had to have before smartphones. Taylor is being endearing. It’s a good time.

11. Forever and Always 6/10

Bonus points for the ~drama~ of it all. Added last minute to the album? The iconic throwing of the chair in live performances?? All of it very dramatique and for that we stan.

Still pretty straight.

Also Joe Jonas responded to the song and why do I find his response so damn funny. “It’s part of being a musician, I guess. You write songs about each other.”

This is another song where the idea of Taylor’s grown up vocals on this is………..whew

12. The Best Day 0/10

This gets zero points because it’s about her literal mom.

Still makes me cry.

God bless Andrea Swift indeed

13. Change 13/10

We start the official tracklist with a gay song. We end it with a gay song.

We will ignore that it was originally written for Scott and BMR and instead induct it into the hall of gay pride anthems, as it should be. 

“We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found/They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared/You can walk away, say we don't need this/But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this”

“This revolution, the time will come/For us to finally win/And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah”

The music video is cringe though lol

14. Jump then Fall 10/10

This song is gay because I choose it to be. <3

Like. Picture baby Taylor writing this song and playing it on her guitar to a girl she has a crush on telling her that she’ll protect her and they’ll be safe and in love and happy together. Gah, maybe I’m ~projecting~ but this sweet ass song always gets me and is EASILY in my top five Taylor songs. Super underrated and hecking cute. 

“We're on the phone and without a warning/I realize your laugh is the best sound/I have ever heard”

Like. Look at this shit.

“I watch you talk, you didn't notice/I hear the words but all I can think is/We should be together”

Tell me this is about the first time you get a crush on a girl and she’s your best friend and she’s amazing and beautiful and you realize you kinda want to kiss her and you hope she wants to kiss you too.

“I had time to think it oh, over/And all I can say is come closer/Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me”

And she’s the Romeo who's going to protect her!!!!! She’s the knight in shining armor in this song and I love that for her??

“The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet/I'll catch you, I'll catch you/When people say things that bring you to your knees/I'll catch you/The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry/But I'll hold you through the night until you smile”

I won’t divulge into full on analysis here because. This is what this post is about but PLEASE listen to this song more. It’s such a gay little gem.

15. Untouchable 9/10

How does she make a cover sound gay.

It sounds so gay.

“You got to come on, come on, say that we'll be together/Come on, come on, little taste of heaven”

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

16. Forever and Always Piano Version 1/10

This song gets 1/10 because I don’t like it. There. I said it.

17. Come in With the Rain 3/10

I can see why this is a bonus track. It doesn’t hit me as much as the other songs on the album.

But damn if I don’t want to scream sing this one driving down a high way.

18. Superstar 7/10

You can’t tell me this song is about a man. I simply won’t entertain the idea.

You cannot prove to me that this song is about a man. There is not a male pronoun in sight. 

>:)

19. The Other Side of the Door 6/10

Is this song about having a fight about being in the closet? Probably not. Will my gay little brain make it about that? Yep!

And that, funky little queer pals, is my gay rating of every Fearless song. Like and subscribe, #t3atmidnight

[ifistoptherain]

Star Crossed Lovers, a TsukkiYama fanfic

You can buy me a ko-fi here. You can read this on AO3 here.

Yamaguchi gets approached by Johzenji's captain, Terushima Yuuji to go on a date and Tsukishima Kei gets jealous. It looks like two alphas have their sight on Yamaguchi, how will he choose?

--

Karasuno wins against Johzenji. The adrenaline and happiness surging through Tadashi’s body is incredible. They can keep playing! It’s smiles all around as Daichi yells at them to line up and they all bow.

Playing against Johzenji was fun. The energy that that team brought to the game was wild and unpredictable, different from the other teams that would strategize every move. As usual, Hinata had the most fun, his happy pheromones flooding the court with the scent of oranges.

He’s packing up his things, with Tsukki right next to him when the Johzenji captain approaches. 

“Pinch server-kun, will you go out with me?”

He’s stunned. He can feel the blush creeping up his cheeks. Nothing has happened with Tsukki since their presentation and he’s tired of waiting. Maybe a bit of jealousy would be the exact push Tsukki needs.

He nods, holding out his phone to get his number. Terushima grins and walks away. And if Tadashi was to be honest, he’d been wondering how a tongue piercing tastes throughout the match. (Tadashi was really glad he always wears scent blockers, no way he’d be able to explain why his pheromones were horny. Actually, he could. Terushima was totally his type and it didn’t look like he was looking for anything too serious.)

He looks down at his phone. “Terushima Yuuji.” Yuuji? It means playful child, how fitting. He smiles at his phone and adds a heart emoji to his name. His heart is fluttering right now.

“So you’re going to go out with him?” Tsukki asks, expression unreadable. 

“Yup, why are you jealous?” Tsukki shakes his head, muttering something about being careful.

“He seems nice, and I like how he smells.” For someone so wild, Terushima smells like vanilla. How ironic. 

Just then, Yachi yells at them and they head to their bus. He’s honestly really tired, a quick nap is just what he needs.

When he gets home, his mother immediately wrinkles her nose. “Why did Tsukishima scent mark you so aggressively?”  

Tadashi shakes his head. “I have no idea, but today an alpha from another school asked me out, mom. I said yes!”

“Eh, I thought Tsukishima was courting you. You always smell like him. Are you sure you want to go out with someone else?”

“That’s what I thought too. I like him but he hasn’t initiated anything. I’m tired of waiting. Maybe a little jealousy will work?”

His mother punches him in the arm, “That’s seriously sly. Who taught you this behavior?”

“Like mother, like son.”

“Hey, I’m an innocent person! I bet you picked it up from your beloved Tsukki.”

“Moooommm.”

“Fine, fine, tell me all about this new alpha.”

“His name is Terushima Yuuji and he’s from Johzenji…”

--

When he checks his phone that night, there are no texts from Tsukki which was weird. So, instead he decides to text Terushima. He takes a selfie with his tongue sticking out, captioning “I wonder what a tongue piercing tastes like?” A bit flirty but Tadashi has been wondering.

He gets an immediate reply. Good, Tadashi likes attention. “Why don’t you find out this weekend?”

<b> Tadashi: </b> can i call you teru

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Only if i can call u dashi

<b> Tadashi: </b> then i should be calling you yuuji ◕ ◡ ◕

<b> teruteru <3: </b> You can if you want

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Who was the blond alpha? Would have burnt me to crisp with his glare D:

<b> Tadashi: </b> hes just my best friend

<b> teruteru <3: </b> You like him?

Tadashi pauses, unsure how to reply, admitting his feelings for Tsukki would ruin his chances with Terushima.

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Well im not looking for anyth serious anw

<b> teruteru <3: </b> I broke up with my ex a while back, we can be each others’ rebounds

<b> teruteru <3: </b>  In fact riling up an alpha seems especially fun

<b> Tadashi: </b>  u wanna watch a movie this sun?

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Sureeeee

<b> Tadashi: </b> ure definitely okay with dating for fun?

<b> teruteru <3: </b>  Yupppp

<b> Tadashi: </b> by the way

<b> Tadashi: </b> ill be preheat then so :p

<b> teruteru <3: </b> fuckkkkkkkkk

It’s Thursday so Tadashi only has three days till his date.

They’re having lunch in class when he tells Tsukki that he’s meeting Teru on Saturday, only for him to get no reaction. Tsukki passes him his lunchbox. Tadashi’s mother is a single mother and she’s usually too busy to cook for Tadashi. Tadashi tries to cook when he can but most of the time he’s too tired from working part time at Shimada Mart and the Yamaguchi family ends up eating take out. 

Stupid Tsukishima. If he didn’t like Tadashi, why would he constantly scent mark him and bring him a lunch box all the time? Honestly, Tadashi could ask Tsukki out. But, he knows Tsukki might say yes even if he didn’t have feelings for Tadashi, and Tadashi could just be overthinking Tsukki’s actions.

So, Tadashi wasn’t going to make the first move but he wasn’t going to wait forever either. He loves Tsukki but he knows that he deserves better than that.

The food is great. His lunches with Tsukki are the rare home cooked meals he gets. Curry rice always reminds him of his dad. But the sweet Japanese curries are different from the ones his dad used to make. Maybe, he should make something that his dad used to make. It’s hard to get Indian spices in Japan…

He really must drop by and thank Tsukki’s mum soon. Maybe with a gift?

“Hey Tsukki, should I get your mother a gift? She’s always helping me and my mum out. I feel bad.”

“No, it’s fine. But she did mention that she wanted to see you soon.”

“I’ll come by for dinner soon then.”

“You seemed sad?” He hadn’t even realised he had looked sad.

“I was just reminded of my dad. Thought I should make some of the food he used to make, maybe I’ll make some for mum.” His dad passed away a year ago. They’re okay with it now. Both his mum and him were able to brace themselves as he was sick for a while. 

But, sometimes it hurts. Like someone twisted a knife in his heart. 

Tadashi smiles. “It’s not a big deal, Tsukki.” It really isn't.  Grief demands to be felt and there’s nothing you can do about it. It just makes him appreciate his time with his dad more.

“Is Aki-nii coming back this weekend? I think he mentioned something like that a while back.”

And immediately, Tsukki looks annoyed. “How does he have the time to text you and not me? I’m his brother.”

“Well, Tsukki. I’m the favourite, besides you ignore him all the time. Now, if I were to tell Aki-nii what you just said, he might text you more often.” He points his chopsticks in Tsukki’s direction.

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.” He looks pointedly at him. “But… If you were more vocal in your affection, Aki-nii would reciprocate.” Tsukki better take the hint. Or maybe not, he would enjoy his date with Teru after all.

“By the way, I won’t be in school next week. Take notes for me, will you?” He can see the cogs turning in Tsukki’s brain.

“You’re going to be spending your pre-heat with Terushima? Just be safe.” Ugh. Tadashi could bang his head on the table. Will Tsukki ever get it?

“I will.”

“What do you think I should wear for the date? I was thinking something punk, Teru has those vibes. He might like it.”

--

Terushima picks him up, looking as punk as he could imagine, with a motorbike. Terushima looks great, the pants are tight, showing off his toned legs and bubble butt. The white tank top shows off his muscular arms through the sheer black top.

And Tadashi is really glad he went through his mother’s closet and picked out a leather jacket with spikes on it and borrowed Yachi’s choker. He’s wearing a t-shirt that he owns and skinny jeans. 

“Terushima! You look good.”

“I thought you were going to call me Yuuji. And you look good too.” He holds out a helmet for Tadashi to wear. 

“Only if you call me Tadashi.”

“Okay, Tadashi, hop on.”

Yuuji clearly has a need for speed. Tadashi thinks it's a ploy to get him to hold onto the alpha’s waist tightly. It works.

The wind also blows Yuuji’s pheromones right into his face. It’s a bit intoxicating, he hasn’t been in such close parameters with an alpha before.

Yuuji pays for everything, of course Tadashi offers to pay but it's an empty offer. There is nothing sexier than a capable alpha, it makes him feel like he would be well taken care of.

The movie bores Tadashi out of his mind so he leans into Yuuji. Nuzzles his face into Yuuji’s scent glands. He likes how Yuuji smells. He smells so sweet, a bit sugary like Tadashi could eat the alpha up. It’s a fun thought.

His preheat was making him just a bit more horny than usual. After a few minutes of nuzzling, Yuuji looks him in the eye. 

“You smell spicy, it’s rare.”  Yuuji sucks at the skin of his neck.

“I’m half indian.” Tadashi is pretty sure what someone smells like depends on the food they ate as a child. Huh, maybe Yuuji ate a lot of vanilla ice cream as a child.

He bites the sensitive skin of Tadashi’s scent glands, sucking on it and Tadashi can’t suppress the moan.

“Be quiet, <i>omega</i>.” Tadashi knows that Yuuji knows that the two of them are probably the only two left in the movie theatre.

“Make me, <i>alpha<i>.” Yuuji’s eyes almost seem to glow as he immediately closes the gap between their lips. He pushes Tadashi onto his back, who promptly wraps his legs around the alpha’s waist. His lips are rough, a bit dry. He tastes like the cheap, buttery popcorn they had earlier. Tadashi’s tongue runs along Yuuji’s tongue piercing, it doesn’t taste like anything really.

His hands are on Tadashi’s back, but one is creeping up his shirt. They stop making out for a moment and Tadashi takes off Yuuji’s shirt. Meanwhile, Yuuji pushes up Tadashi’s shirt, tongue dragging along his chest, sucking on the nipples. The metal feels cool against his skin.

Meanwhile, Tadashi feels up Yuuji’s muscular arms. He’s so strong...

“Fuck, you smell so fuckable.” He’s back to nosing at his scent glands and sucking on that skin. Tadashi lifts his hips up, gyrating against Yuuji’s crotch. They’re both hard, Tadashi notices with satisfaction.

Yuuji stops for a moment and Tadashi whines. 

“Your heat’s starting soon, let’s leave.” Ugh. It would only start tomorrow so why couldn’t he enjoy his time with Yuuji?

“Yuuji, I don’t want to…” He leans away, getting up. Deep down, Tadashi knows he’s right. He pulls Tadashi up by the arm.

Yuuji leads them out and Tadashi follows, clinging onto his arm. Tadashi does feel slightly light headed now that he thinks about it. Yuuji is awfully quiet and Tadashi’s pretty sure they’re speeding. It must take a lot of focus to deny an omega almost in heat. At least, wrapping his arms around Yuuji is nice.

When they arrive, Yuuji pushes his shirt into Tadashi’s arms. 

“For your heat.” Tadashi plants a very chaste kiss on Yuuji’s lips.

“Thanks for today, Yuuji.”

He hears the motorcycle rev off, once he’s closed the door behind him. He’s sweet and respectful, isn’t he?

“I’m home!” He says to no one in particular, his mum must have picked up an extra shift at the bar again.

He’s alone again. Yuuji just left and he misses him terribly. There’s probably an hour left until his heat actually hits.

<b> Tadashi: </b> thanks for today

<b> Tadashi: </b> drive safe

<b> teruteru <3: </b> :D

He had already built his nest and stocked his room with water in advance. Or maybe his mum had put the water bottles in? He doesn’t remember.

<b> Tadashi: </b>tsukkkiiiiiii 

<b> Tadashi: </b> he has a motorcycle! a motorcycle!!

 <b> Tadashi: </b> the movie we watched was super boring but

<b> Tadashi: </b> yuuji was really sweet i think i could fall for him

<b> Tadashi: </b> but hes not looking for anyth too serious

The messages show up as read but Tsukki doesn’t reply because when does he ever. There’s a meal in the fridge, some take out his mum probably got from work. He climbs into his nest on his bed, after dinner. AC on blast, heats could get so hot and so sticky.

During his heat, Tadashi imagines not just Tsukki’s long fingers but also Yuuji’s firm but gentle touches and his playful bites.

It’s Thursday afternoon and Tadashi’s heat is mostly gone. It’s just a dull ache in his bones now. Yuuji’s poor sheer shirt has been desecrated. Tadashi handwashes it, and then sends a pic of him wearing it with nothing below to Yuuji. Also, Yuuji’s hickies hadn’t faded in the 4 days since then.

<b> Tadashi: </b> (*^^*) the hickies still havent fadedddd

<b> teruteru <3: </b> I like to show off my work~ 

<b> teruteru <3: </b> Besides, I didn’t hear complaints at the time~~

<b> Tadashi: </b> (*^^*) 

He definitely had been in pre heat then because he hadn’t noticed how aggressive Yuuji was. The hickeys hurt if he touches them. Yuuji’s aggressiveness was sexy actually.

He’ll probably have to put makeup on them when he goes to school. But it's only Thursday and he’d probably ditch on Friday anyway so hopefully, it would fade before next Monday. 

Tomorrow, he has a morning shift at the convenient store nearby and then an afternoon shift at Shimada mart. 

<b> tsukki <3: </b> is ur heat over?

<b> Tadashi: </b> mostly but ill be working tmro, keep taking notes tsukki!

He’s been leeching on Tsukki a lot actually, from notes to food.

<b> Tadashi: </b> u wanna practise volleyball with me tmro? ill teach u the jump float serve

<b> teruteru <3: </b>  YESSSS

He takes the rare opportunity to cook himself and his mum a meal. She usually leaves in the late afternoon for work and arrives in the wee hours of the morning. But the upside to those working hours was that Tadashi got to spend time with her during the day. If she had the typical working hours, the both of them would be too tired to talk.

He just makes omelette rice. It’s simple and he’s still worn out from his heat. After dinner, he studies the school work he had missed. He knows Yuuji isn’t looking for a serious relationship but he can’t get past the what if. But he knows that's unfair to Yuuji since he still likes Tsukki. Tsukki with his golden hair and golden eyes and kind words reserved only for Tadashi, makes him feel special. They’ve been friends for years, Tsukki knows him like the back of his hand. It’s comfortable and he knows Tsukki will always be there for him but with Yuuji it’s different. It’s new and exciting and so great to finally be with someone who would do something about their feelings instead of just having Tadashi on the hook. But, part of him can’t shake the fact that somehow, deep inside him, he feels like he’s cheating on Tsukki. It’s ridiculous, really. 

He’s just lucky his omega hadn’t decided that Tsukki was his alpha. Then, he would have been in a world of suffering by constantly pining. Actually, Tadashi does pine. He just knows he deserves better than that. In fact, he thinks his omega likes Yuuji more. That whore. Why else would his heat start early?

(He knows he’s calling himself a whore, shut up.)

The next day, work goes by slowly. So few people come in so Tadashi gets to play on his phone and text Yachi. He knows, knows, that Yachi has been dying to hear about his date. The only reason she hadn’t called was because she thought he was still in his heat. He calls her during lunch. He tells her all about how he’d been so respectful despite his heat starting early. Respectful alphas were so hard to come by. God. Yachi gushes how if he doesn’t end up being with Yuuji, he better give Yachi, Yuuji’s number. Pffttt. He’s excited to see Yuuji later. 

His shift finally finishes, and he heads home to change into a t-shirt and gym shorts before meeting Yuuji. He’s in and out before he knows it. When he gets to the court, Yuuji is already there. Wearing a tank top again. Show off, he knows he looks good in tank tops doesn’t he?

“Yuuji.”

“Dashi.” He smiles, the instant he looks at Tadashi. He’s so cute. They play one on one volleyball for a while before he teaches Yuuji how to do the jump float serve. 

By the time they're done, Tadashi is soaked in sweat. They are sitting next to each other, taking sips of water and Yuuji just seems to glisten under the yellow street lights. 

“You know, I never did thank you properly the other day.” Yuuji’s eyebrows quirk upwards, smiles growing wider.

“Oh? How would you like to thank me?” He brings his face closer to Tadashi’s.

“Why don’t you come back to my place and find out?” He whispers into Yuuji’s ear. Immediately  Yuuji takes the opportunity to bite his neck. What was with him and Tadashi’s neck?

“Not here, Yuu-” He licks Tadashi’s scent glands before stopping.

They get up and Yuuji looks like the cat that got the cream.

They get on his bike and Tadashi manages to persuade him to forego the helmet. His place is only a few minutes away anyway.

He loves how the wind runs through his hair and he loves how he gets to hold Yuuji, basically feeling him up. He hooks his head on the side of Yuuji’s neck, getting a full blast of Yuuji’s pheromones. It’s heady and lustful, he’s clearly horny. Though Tadashi doubts he himself smells any different.

They get there in record time. Tadashi doesn’t know how they make it up to his room.

Yuuji is aggressive as usual but Tadashi stops him.

“It’s my treat, Yuuji. You can just enjoy.”  Yuuji sits on the edge of his bed and Tadashi unzips his pants, pulling off his boxers. He begins by licking the dick from the base to the tip, taking his time to go slow, just to tease Yuuji. He then licks the tip repeatedly and hears Yuuji groan.

“Faster,” He moans. His hand grabs onto Tadashi’s hair, pushing his head forward. Tadashi swallows his dick whole. Head bobbing as Yuuji pants. Precum begins dripping from it and Tadashi laps it up, tongue swirling around the dick.

“No... you don’t have to,” Yuuji breathes out. Tadashi ignores him, moving faster and swallowing the cum when Yuuji comes. 

Yuuji looks at him through hooded eyes and says, “Now it’s my turn to treat you.” He picks up Tadashi from the floor, placing him on the bed. And as usual, he begins by biting at Tadashi’s neck who was beginning to think that the alpha had a thing for Tadashi’s neck. Frickin’ vampire.

He begins to unzip Tadashi’s pants and he has the realisation that he doesn’t want this, not yet anyway. 

“No, Yuuji, stop.” And immediately, Yuuji stops and lets Tadashi sit up.

“I’m sorry, I thought I wanted it but I don't. Not yet, anyway.” He plays with his hands not looking directly at Yuuji.

“You don’t have to apologise, as long as we are both comfortable. You wanna cuddle?”

And that’s how Tadashi ends up in Yuuji’s arms, although he’s taller and once again, Yuuji is nosing at Tadashi’s neck.

“What’s with you and my neck? You’re like a vampire.” 

“I just love how you smell, it’s sexy. You mind if I scentmark you? ” 

“No, go ahead.” And, Yuuji rubs his scent glands all over his neck and head and face. Possessive much?

“I know we said we won’t get too serious but I like you and I don’t want other alphas after you.”

“I like you too, Yuuji. Besides, there’s no one after plain old me.”

“What about blondie, you still like him, don’t you?” Tadashi stiffens.

“Yea maybe but I’m here with you not him, that counts for something right?” He hears Yuuji sigh, he feels sorry. He hasn’t completely moved on from Tsukki. Not yet, anyway.

“You wanna stay the night? It’s too dark for you to be driving out there… But you might have to deal with my mum in the morning.”

“I’ll stay, I get to hold a pretty thing all night anyway.”

When Tadashi wakes up the next morning, Yuuji isn’t in bed. But then, he hears laughter coming from downstairs. No, this is bad.

When he walks down after washing up, both Yuuji and his mom are laughing together.

“Mommmmm.” God, she had probably spilled all of his secrets already.

“Tadashi! You didn’t tell me that Terushima was so charming.” He narrows his eyes at her, shouldn’t she be asleep?

“I’m just heating up leftovers for the both of you and then I’ll go, I promise.” And to his horror, Tadashi finds a photo album of his baby pictures on the table. Nooooo.

“Mom, why’d you show this? I’m embarrassed.”

“Don’t be, you looked very cute.” He punches Yuuji on the arm.

“Of course, you’re going to say that now and tease me about it later.”

“I won’t, I promise. I promise.” He says between laughter. God, he’ll never recover from the teasing will he?

True to her word, his mother disappears and they both sit down for breakfast.

“I’m sorry about my mum.”

“Hey, why are you saying that? She was really nice.”

 They talk about nothing important, mainly volleyball during breakfast and also about how Yuuji was in the college prep class? What a contrast to his punk vibes.

Yuuji prepares to leave after breakfast, and Tadashi hands him back the sheer shirt he had lent for his heat.

“Yuuji, can I scent mark you?” Yuuji’s eyes light up, grin bright as the sun.

“You don’t even have to ask.”

“You sure it’s not going to affect the fake punk image you have going on? To smell like an omega?”

“It’s not fake, I am a punk!”

“A punk who is in college prep class.” 

Tadashi stands in front of Yuuji who stands ever so still, waiting. He doesn’t move as Tadashi rubs his glands on the alpha’s face and neck.

“Done! Goodbye, Yuuji.”

“What? I don’t get a goodbye kiss?”

Tadashi shakes his head, he’s so stupid, and pulls Yuuji in for a kiss. Their lips part and Yuuji steps away.

“I’ll get going then.” 

Tadashi holds onto his arm, “Do you have to?”, and pulls him into another kiss.

“I have to, I told my sister I’d help her with her homework.”

“Aww, the punk who wears leather and rides a motorbike helps his sister with her homework.”

“Hey! Besides, if I wasn’t leaving you wouldn’t kiss me so much.”

“One last kiss.” 

Just then, there’s a knock on the door. It’s too early for deliveries, Tadashi thinks as Yuuji opens the door.

It’s Tsukki.

[littlemisslipbalm]

“Just Dandy!” Camp Counselor!Harry

AU: Harry and you are camp counselors, always at each other’s throats, but now, you’re at each other’s lips ;)

hehe what is this?! I saw some prompt a while back with writing your name out with prompts and mine was like alternate universe, best friend’s brother, and intoxication - so you’ll have all of that if you read this! I wanted this to be kind of fun, kind of silly, kind of ~campy~ - still it gives me strong soulmate and love vibes, idk i’m just incapable of writing casual life, like this has to be some epic love, still this is very lowkey, I’d say, -- anyway let me know what you think! This is definitely a 1 part only tho :) there is no gif that goes with thisss except if i found something from LWWY mv lmao but what i chose is cute

Word Count: 3.8k | Warnings: kissing and alchohol, and language?

-

How’s it going, Camper?” he said. 

You rolled your eyes, “Just dandy, Counselor.” 

You turned away from Harry and continued working, you were surprised he didn’t have his trail of fans right behind him for the first time all day. 

“Oh c’mon, Y/N, you know you can just call me Harry,” he said with a sickly sweet voice, laying on the charm. 

“Oh?! Harry! I didn’t realize it was you. Can you walk out and walk back in so I can swoon immediately at your presence?”

-

It was just a summer job, but somehow it had turned into something more. You and your best friend, Annie, began working at the camp once you became too old to attend yourselves, this being your second year as a counselor. You had to be 18 or older to be a counselor, you and Annie were 19.

This year you were both in charge of the oldest group of girls there, the 13-16 year olds, the ones closest to your age. The ones closest to all of the counselors' ages, meaning they had crushes on your male colleagues and weren’t afraid of going after what they wanted. Thankfully, most of your fellow counselors would shut down the young girls’ advances immediately. However, there was one camp counsellor who revelled in the attention and he was the one who received the most by far. Annie’s brother, Harry, was two years older than you, and he was the young camp goers’ greatest subject of affection and puppy love.

He was, admittedly, very attractive, his body chiseled and taut from working out, tattoos littering his arms and body variously. His hair was brown and flowy, flopping all around and into his face to give him the boyish charm that the girls’ - mostly the girls - fell for. His personality is what kept them around, he was cheeky and fun to be with. Extremely adventurous, too, always wanting to check out something he’d never seen before. Annie and I always had to remind him that he couldn’t just walk into the woods with a bunch of young teen girls. He would never do anything to hurt them, he simply didn’t see their advances as flirtation, he was oblivious and just thought they were just as interested in nature and exploration as he was. At least, that’s what he always said. You knew better, that he loved the ego boost he got from it.

-

You thought back to when it was your last year as a camp goer, Harry’s first year as a counselor. Every girl was constantly swarming you and Annie in hopes of hearing a little more about Harry and what he was like. Annie kept a tight lip, not really enjoying the attention that her brother was bringing her. Harry had been gone for just one year, when he was seventeen, too old to attend, but too young to be a counselor. Yet, within that one year he had transformed from just another guy attending the camp to a man with authority. He also had matured a bit, bulking up, getting tattoos, the likes. The girls around you were eating it up, all you could do was roll your eyes. Sure he was cute, but he was Harry.

On the first day of his camp counselling, you were assigned to his group for setting up the California Spot. The first day of camp was always a set up day, the campers helped the counselors put the place back together and then on the second to last day, everyone took it back down till the next year’s first day. The California Spot was the part of the camp by the river and small lake, the camp’s “beachiest” area, hence the California name. It wasn’t that hard of a set up so older campers were the ones who usually got assigned it. And new counselors usually got assigned it too, so they couldn’t mess it up, it made sense then that Harry was the counselor in charge. Everyone seemed to be happy to be there, except you, mostly because you and Annie hadn’t been put together, but also because Harry was in charge of you.

Harry walked up beside you as you were dusting off floaties in the back shed. “How’s it going, Camper?” he said. You rolled your eyes, “Just dandy, Counselor.” You turned away from Harry and continued working, you were surprised he didn’t have his trail of fans right behind him for the first time all day. “Oh c’mon, Y/N, you know you can just call me Harry,” he said with a sickly sweet voice, laying on the charm. “Oh?! Harry! I didn’t realize it was you. Can you walk out and walk back in so I can swoon immediately at your presence?” You gave him a pointed glare, clearly not amused at whatever he was trying to do. Get a rise out of you, maybe, just being his annoying self, probably. He chuckled, “Ouch.” He was about to speak again, but you cut him off before he could ever start, leaving his mouth agape. “Harry, I know you think you’re a big cool counselor now, but you’re always just going to be Annie’s kind of annoying older brother to me. So don’t come in here trying to get off on some power trip with me.” Now he was definitely taken aback. After a moment of staring at one another, both of your anger seeping out of you. He took a step closer to you and whispered loudly, “We may know each other outside of this, Y/N, but you can’t speak to me like that in front of other campers. I’ll let this go, but you cannot undermine my authority like that when others can hear you.” You were silent, unsure how you had gotten yourself in this situation. “And by the way, I was just trying to be funny with you, Y/N, take a joke,” he finished and walked off with a huff. You stood there, dumbfounded, watching him disappear out of the door and back to the makeshift beach. You honestly felt a little bad, you knew it was his first day, maybe you shouldn’t have been so harsh. Oh well.

For the rest of that summer, the two of you didn’t really talk. Only occasionally and it was always kind of awkward. The next summer you had off so you didn’t see Harry much at all, except for the part of the summer before and after the camp occurred and you were at Annie’s house. He and you got along a lot better during those small moments. Without the camp setting of him having authority over you, you enjoyed his presence more. He wasn’t bossy and he wasn’t surrounded by throngs of your peers. He was just Harry and you liked that.  Your first summer as a counselor was fine as well. Harry and you became more like friends that year. He was happy to help you and Annie understand counselor duties around the camp. You laughed when you and him were assigned the California Spot to set up. Thinking back to when you two had gotten into a fight that lasted almost a year.

Unlike the first time, you walked up to him at the edge of the lake, feeding a line out for safety. “How’s it going, Counselor?” you asked him, some play in your voice as you tapped his shoulder. He glanced behind him, at you, and smiled. He threw the rest of the line in the lake and stepped back to be beside you and look out at the lake. “Just dandy, Counselor,” he said, while he nudged you with his elbow and winked at you. You both laughed and he threw an arm around you and spun you around in his arms. It felt nice. Harry and you being friends was a good thing. For you and him, but also for Annie, she had hated the year when the two of you were at odds with each other.

-

Now it was your second year as a counselor. Harry was at Uni now so it was going to be the first time seeing him since last summer. You didn’t feel any excitement about the prospect, but you were definitely happy to see him. A similar amount of happiness as seeing any other counselor, you were sure of it.

Two campers, in your supervising group, raced up to, giggling all the way to your side. “Have you seen Counselor Harry yet, Y/N?!” they exclaimed, overly excited. You put your clipboard down by your side and lifted your sunglasses from your face. The girls were about your height and likely 15. “Um, no I haven’t, has he grown a third eye or something?” You looked at them with indifference and a hint of amusement at your own joke. They both rolled their eyes. “No!” The first girl, Elise, responded. Georgie continued, “He’s just gotten even hotter than he was last year!” “If that’s even possible!” Elise chimed in, talking over Georgie. You looked up to the sky as if you were praying to a god, asking yourself why you loved this job so much?

You offered the girls a tight lipped smile. Disregarding what they said about your colleague and friend, you shooed them off to go unpack. Then, you continued on your walk around the camp grounds. You stopped at the mail area to check to see if you already had mail from your eager parents, they would send you a letter a week while you were away, even though you had your phone on you as a counselor.

Seeing no mail, you turned on your heel and was about to step foot back outside when you were blocked. There wasn’t a lot of context for you to see what you had just bumped into, it was large, hard, and dark. You backed up and blinked. “What the f-” You looked up and it was Harry. He was wearing an all black ensemble, you being shorter than him, caused you to only see his shirt when you walked directly into him. You took in the rest of his appearance and realized he had cut his long hair since last summer, it was now short but slightly flowy, but pushed back as opposed to how it used to be - swept across the forehead.

“Didn’t see you there, m’sorry,” Harry said. You noticed his hands holding onto your waist, he had reached out instinctively, not wanting you to fall. “It’s alright, good to see you, Harry.” He seemed as though he was about to say something, but you cut him off. You had a habit of doing that. “I’d love to catch up, but I’ve got some stuff I have to take care of.” You were being vague on your excuse, but you were already walking away before Harry could call after you, “See you around then! ...I guess.” He definitely couldn’t deny that he was a little disappointed that you couldn’t spare a minute to talk to him.

-

You and Harry interacted seldom over the next few weeks. You were paired up as supervisors for various activities with the campers, but whenever you two talked it always seemed like one of you was itching to leave the conversation. Sometimes you would sit beside each other at counselor meetings and meal times. There you would talk a bit more, but still there was something off. Annie even asked you if you were mad at Harry. You replied that you weren’t, citing ‘we just haven’t had anything to talk about with each other, I guess’ as reasoning for the distance between you two.

It was the last Saturday before the camp ended, evening, when you heard a knock on the cabin, you were staying in, door. You weren’t in your counselor clothes anymore, instead an oversized old t-shirt and some sweatpants with your school’s logo. You assumed it’d be a camper needing assistance with something. To your surprise, it was none other than Harry. He also had changed from his counselor clothes for the day. Instead he wore dark sweatpants and a flannel, barely buttoned up. You thought he might catch a cold with how much of his skin was left exposed due to his button job.

“I bring libations!” He says happily and barges into your cabin. You had been lucky this year, while not being assigned Annie as your roommate was a bummer, you had been assigned another counselor whose boyfriend was a lead counselor, and got his own room, meaning she was almost never in yours. Tonight was like usual, she wasn’t there.

Harry continues into the room despite your figure still standing at the doorway, a look of complete and utter confusion on your face. Harry answers your question before you even have the chance to answer it. “It’s our last Saturday and I want to get sloshed with a friend, won’t you join me, Y/N?” He pulls out the handle he had somehow hidden on his trek over to your cabin.

“We’re not really supposed…” you began. Harry shushed you, saying, “Live a little!”

“It’s against the rules for us to…”

“Please!”

“We could lose our jobs if we…”

“For me?”

“This seems like coercion,” you huff, sitting on your roommate’s bed, seeing as Harry has taken residence on yours. You were thankful you’d had the ambition to make it today.

“It’s only coercion if you really didn’t want to do it, but I know you better, Y/N. You never followed the rules as a camper, why would you follow them now as a counselor.” He took a swig straight from the bottle before offering it up to you.

You grinned and leaned across the small space between you and Harry, grabbing the bottle happily.

You thought back to sneaking around the lake house when you were younger, with Annie and Harry, sometimes even just Harry. One of you always somehow got your hands on a bottle of some alcohol that was heinous, but did the job of getting you three (or two) off your asses.

Now you were of legal drinking age and that was definitely a plus when you were in your real life. As a counselor though, you felt like you needed to be alert and being drunk was most definitely the opposite of that. Still, Harry made a point, you liked having fun and the camp was ending soon. There were also plenty of other counselors the camper’s could go to if they needed anything for the next few hours. It wasn’t like you and Harry were the only people they could get help from. 

You threw back your neck, the bottle attached tightly to your lips. Happy to be finally letting go a little.

Truthfully, the second year as a counselor hadn’t been as fun as the first. The older kids were harder to deal with and it was slightly more draining dealing with them then the younger campers.

Your pull was big and Harry was quick to reach over and pull the handle down, stopping you from getting hammered immediately. “Easy there, this bottle’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

You rolled your eyes and stuck up the middle finger at him. “You’re an ass.” You both laughed.

As the alcohol began to pass between the two of you steadily, the conversation came much more easily than it had been for the past weeks.

Eventually, when the bottle reached the two-thirds gone mark, Harry and you were sitting on the ground facing each other, nice and close. He told you how his Uni experience was going, not as great as he’d hoped it to be, if he was being honest with himself, he said. You talked about how bored you were with life back home. He chuckled at that.

As you got further past the line of tipsy and into the territory of fully intoxicated, you couldn’t help but notice the sound of Harry’s voice. He was talking again, but you weren’t understanding what he was saying at all. All you were noticing was how his mouth moved around the words that came out of his mouth and how nice it all sounded.

He continued talking and you squinted your eyes at him. Then, without the knowledge of your brain, your hands were reaching out and cupping Harry’s face. He stopped talking at this contact and he looked at you curiously. Your mind was fuzzy and made no registration that what you were doing was slightly odd, especially with no warning to the receiver of your touch. You looked back at him, with a look of quiet interest all over your face.

“Keep talking,” you said. Harry nodded and began to ramble again, confused, but not against whatever you were doing. As he spoke, you ran your fingers around his dimple and the smile lines that appeared when he said things with “A” “C” “E” and other syllables that made his lips quirk up.

“Feels nice.” Then, Harry faltered in his thought process. His mind was numbing from the alcohol as well and the sensory overload he was beginning to have from your hands was enough to make him stop speaking again. He looked in your eyes as you focused on his mouth. You were sat up on your knees, practically leaning on him, while he was sat cross-legged, with his hands out behind him. When he stopped speaking this time, you didn’t tell him to start up again. Instead, your hands floated even closer to his lips.

You ran your hand over the entirety of his mouth first. Then, you took both your pointers and used them to manipulate Harry’s mouth into a smile. He bared his teeth for you. You giggled. Then, you brought his lips back to neutral and ran a finger around the outline of his lips. Then, your hand disappeared from his face and you sat back on your heels. Harry missed your touch immediately. While odd, he had liked the tingles behind his face that he had experienced from it.

“Why’d you stop?” he whined quietly.

“Because…” you trailed off.

“Because why?”

You sat silent. You repositioned yourself to laying down completely on the floor and looking up at the ceiling. You sighed and said, “I don’t know.. I forgot.”

Harry smiled at the response and shifted to lay beside you. “You’re drunk as shite, aren’t you?”  He reached his left arm across himself and bopped your nose, along with his tease.

“It’s not like you’re any better,” you grumbled and rolled onto your side to face Harry’s body.

When you were drunk you felt completely alive. Your entire body tingling yet foggy at the same time. You blinked hard, twice, taking in the man beside you. He was long in the position he was in. His silhouette was quite attractive at the moment, your bedside lamp illuminating half of his face in golden light, the other falling into darkness, beyond where the light could reach.  

“Because you’re too beautiful,” you whispered, finally remembering your reasoning from Harry’s earlier question. Harry moved his arm to rest it under his head. Giving him a slight vantage over you.  He wobbled slightly, as if his head might slip from his hand’s grasp. Yet he controlled it after a moment.

“Oh?” The slightest smirk graced his face. Your comment fed his ego, but his ego had mostly gone to bed since the two of you had begun drinking. Your intoxication caused his comment to get to you so much more than it would have sober, not that you would have been having this conversation sober. Either way, his simple ‘Oh?’ made you cover your face with your hands and laugh embarrassedly for a moment. Then you let your hands trail down your face a bit so your eyes were peaking at Harry and you were biting a finger in your mouth.

“So you think I’m pretty?” Harry said, completely intrigued with what you were saying. You took your hands away from your face and mirrored his position, leaning your head on your hand. You wobbled like Harry had, trying to maintain your balance. Only this time, Harry reached a hand out to steady you at your waist. Your shirt had shifted up, throughout your wiggling, so your skin was bare where his hand touched. The skin his hand met was lit on fire. The sparks being sent out and fizzling throughout your body. You closed your eyes at the sensation and hummed almost inaudibly. Harry licked his lips at the sound and decided that it was okay to leave his hand where it was.

“I asked you a question, Counselor,” he whispered. You blinked open your eyes at his words. For one moment, your stupor was gone and you saw everything rather clear. “Yeah, I think you’re quite possibly the prettiest person ever, Harry.” He was silent for a moment, shifting once again onto his elbow, his body now towering over you once again.

“Well that’s simply not true,” he said, finally, shaking his head slightly. You couldn’t help but laugh, “You? Humble?” Now that Harry was sitting more upright, you shifted so you were leaning on both of your elbows, much closer to the ground than Harry. His hand remained on your waist, causing him to hover above you. This unspoken shifting of places was weird, the meaning of it unclear to either of you.

“I wouldn’t go that far, but...I just know I’m not the prettiest person ever.” He looked away from you. “And why’s that, Counselor?” you whispered, staring straight at him, even if he was avoiding eye contact. Then, suddenly, he was looking back at you, his eyes dark and intense. Despite the intensity in his eyes, though, his voice was soft and sweet. Perhaps, even, darling.

“Because...you’re the prettiest person ever.”

As you opened your mouth to say something, Harry leaned down over you, lips meeting yours. His lips brushed softly against yours, but you wanted more. You reached a hand up behind his neck and pulled you closer. He met your passion with his own and pushed his lips more desperately against yours. As you pulled him closer, your ability to hold yourself up faltered. It sent you both tumbling to the ground, completely. You whined slightly, but weren’t fazed by the wooden floor. You continued to press your lips to Harry’s and he groaned appreciatively into you. After a few minutes of wet, hot kisses, Harry reluctantly pulled away. Your chest was heaving steadily and Harry couldn’t help but notice, but he shook the thought from his mind. He took one hand from the ground and let it roam down the side of your face. You smiled up at him.

“Now, that is what I call ‘just dandy’!” He said. You rolled your eyes, “Oh my god!” you moaned and shoved him off of you. You stood up and Harry followed quickly behind. Both of you had sobered up significantly during the kissing. You faced each other and Harry smiled. A smile crept onto your face, too, matching his perfectly.

“I hate you,” you said one last time, never really meaning it.

“Uh-huh,” Harry responded, taking you into his arms. He pressed a kiss on the top of your head. His lips softly brushing your hair.

“Hate you, too.”

Neither of you could be further from the truth with those words.

-

Tag list: @cronias13, @theresthingsthatwellneverknow, @harrys-cherry

Hopefully that actually works this time! Have a nice day 🤍!

[petite-ely]

Afraid // JJ Maybank

four - siblings querelle

Pairing: JJ Maybank x fem routledge! reader

Warnings: bad language (who’s surprised at this point), mention of fighting and getting beat up, mention of blood, underage drinking, mention of gun and violence, mention of drowning, mention of smoking, fear of losing sibling, mention of death, I think that’s it?? Tell me if I missed something

Description: after a rough day, y/n has fun during a kegger on the boneyard, but John B doesn’t seem to like it.

A/n: here it is! Sorry for the wait school started this week and I was really busy, but yeah, hope you enjoy!! :)

previously next

Afraid masterlist

gif by @toesure

Song recommendation

It was a couple of hours later, the sun was starting to set, creating and beautiful golden light on the boneyard. The kegger was roaring. You could see Pogues dancing around and enjoying the music, tourons flirting with locals and even some Kooks were there.

“Chug it chug it chug it.” Y/n downed her red solo cup full of beer, throwing it at JJ once it was empty, a small giggle escaping her mouth. “Yeah! You go y/n!” The blond exclaimed cheerfully.

John B shook his head disapprovingly at his sister’s action.

“what?” Y/n stared back at him. “It was a long day. Can’t I have some fun once in a while? Or is that something you can’t possibly wrap your mind around?” he crossed his arms, a stern look on his face.

“Why are you acting this way? I’m just trying, to look out for you, y/n/n.”

She grunted at his words, rolling her eyes at the same time. “Well, don’t. You can’t just boss me around JB, you’re not my dad.”

John B’s expression turned sour at the mention of his dad. “Whatever.” He turned around and started to walk away. “If you wanna act reckless and irresponsible, I don’t care. I’m not stopping you, but don’t come back to me if ever you get in trouble. I won’t be there for you.”

“Damn, he’s really mad uh?” JJ now stood by the girl’s side, holding two cups full of beer. “What did you do, stab him in the back?” she scoffed “Well, he sure acts like it, all I did was have a little fun. Ugh he’s such vibe killer.”

“Give me that,” she took one of the cup out of JJ’s hand and swallowed the content of it in a matter of seconds.

“Whoa,” he put his hand on the girl’s back “are you good?“ “I’m wonderful, couldn’t be better.” JJ frowned.

“Are you sure? You’re not acting like your usual self.” Y/N scoffed. “Just because I’m having a beer or two doesn’t mean I’m about to have a mental breakdown J. Trust me I’m alright.”

“Look I know sometimes we all drink together, and once in a while you and I smoke a joint for fun, but this-” he motioned to her, or rather the way she was acting “-this isn’t you y/n.”

The girl bit her lip harshly, as she thought of what to say next. He was right, this wasn’t her. During keggers, y/n would usually spend her nights sitting on a log by the bonfire (when there was one). She would chat with Kie and some other friends about various subjects like environmental issues, astrology and other such things.

Sometimes she would stay silent and admire the shapes that formed the fire, listening to the conversations around her whilst making up poems in her mind. Other times, when she felt a little braver, she’d go on and talk with a cute touron that was there for the night (she might end up kissing them but nothing more than that). On some nights, she’d just take Kiara’s hand and drag her away giggling like a little child. The two of them would just dance together to the music playing in the background, as if they were the only ones standing on the beach.

On rarer occasions, she’d just slip away from the party and climb to the highest place she could think of, whether it was a hill, a tree or a rooftop. She’d just sit down somewhere comfortable and silently admire the constellations dancing for her. (Sometimes she’d bring one of the pogues with her and they would play some soft music and talk about anything and everything). Those were always the best nights.

Since the beginning of the party, y/n had acted like a total stranger. She had danced, yeah but with people she didn’t know and she had drank, a lot. She had actually volunteered to participate in some stupid drinking game, a thing she had criticized many times before. JJ enjoyed it in the beginning. Watching her get out of her shell, being friendly and mixing with the crowd. But right now, he didn’t know the person standing in front of him. Y/n was soft and kind (although sometimes she used a pretty rough vocabulary) and also smart and funny. Not reckless, insensitive, spontaneous or careless.

Why was she acting this way?

Truth is, y/n didn’t completely know the reason for her behaviour. She has had a long day, that was part of it (and also a rough year). She wanted to forget for one night, yeah that was it. Forget about her dad, forget all her problems, forget who she was. It was like she put on this mask and became a totally different person for the night. She just wanted to have fun and act crazy for this one night. After that she’d go back to being her normal self. After all, she was allowed to have fun.

She wiped the small trickle of blood that ran down her lip. “You’re right,” she agreed. “This isn’t me. But I- I don’t want to be me for the night. I don’t want to worry and think about all the sad tragedies of life. I wanna have fun. I want to get drunk and dance and do some stupid things.” She looked at him directly in the eyes, her gaze softening at the sight. “ I promise that tomorrow, I’ll be me again.”

JJ removed his hand from her back and pulled gently at his blond locks. “Alright. I just hope you won’t regret it all tomorrow.” He said, before disappearing in th crowd.

What’s it all worth if I don’t regret it just a little bit? She thought.

Y/n slipped away into the crowd too, looking around her for Kie. The sun had fully set now, making it a bit harder for her to see through the mass of bodies all stuck to one another. Finally, after a long five minutes of looking (though it felt like much more), her eyes landed on her curly headed friend, sitting on a large piece of wood.

“Hey cutie.” She sat down beside the brunette. “Hey girlie.”

“How are you doing?” Asked Kie, taking a sip out of her reusable cup half full of beer (y/n actually had a matching one, but forgot it back at the château). “Oh, I’m just uh peachy, I’m just peachy.” y/n said with a small laugh, happiness dripping off her words like sweet honey.

Kie took a second to look at her friend. She had the most ridiculous grin slapped on her face, like a five year old on a sugar rush. Her cheeks were flushed pink and so was the tip of her nose. (It looked very adorable.)

“Are you drunk?” Y/n giggled. “Maybe just a little bit.”

To be honest she didn’t remember the last time she had gotten drunk. It felt so far away. She felt warm and fuzzy inside and like nothing could hurt her. Thiose were all signs that she was slowly getting more and more intoxicated by the alcohol she was drinking.

“So,” she booped the tip of Kiara’s nose. “What’s with you and my brother. Do you like him perhaps?” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Not the way you think.” “Uh?”

“I mean, John B’s very cute and kind and all, and I love and care about him, but the same way you do. Like a brother. I don’t see him as nothing more than that.” y/n nodded.

“What about JJ?” Kiara nudged the y/h/c girl. “Did you finally tell him?”

“Are you crazy?! No! I’m not that drunk,” y/n responded loudly. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me that way. He seemed so-” she took a small pause to search for the right word. “he seemed disappointed in me or something when we talked earlier.”

“Why? What makes you-”

Kiara was cut off by some shouting and screams being heard further away on the beach. A fight was about to break. She grabbed her friend by the arm. “Let’s go see.”

The girls arrived to see John B and Topper facing each other with threatening expressions, surrounded by a circle of curious people who only wanted to see them hurting the other one.

Topper Thornton? When did he get there ? And if he’s here that means that- y/n stopped her thoughts as her eyes landed on the blonde girl, watching her boyfriend with a scared look on her face. Sarah Cameron, Kook Princess.

“Dirty pogues!” John B shoved the kook harshly earning a chorus of exclaimation from the crowd gathering around them.

“Woah!” The two of them were circling each other, getting dangerously close to the water.

“John B!” Pope yelled at his friend. “We’re supposed to be incognito remember?”

“Babe, babe, babe, babe!” Sarah approached them, trying to stop her boyfriend from hitting the pogue.

Topper hit John B first, the impact sending him down in the water. Y/n quickly sobered up from the slightly intoxicated state she was in at the sight of her brother getting beat up. It was almost as if she could feel the hit on her own body.

“Guys! Guys! Chill!” Topper kicked John B right in the sides as he was trying to get up, sending him back down into the salty water.

“Hey John B, don’t make me down you like your old man, alright?!”

Y/n’s blood boiled in her veins, her face turning red with rage. She was so angry. First he had insulted her brother, and then hurt him but that wasn’t enough for him. He wasn’t satisfied. He had to mention their father. That was like putting alcohol right into a fresh wound. How could he do such a thing? At this point, y/n was basically fuming, she couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“You take that back you brainless piece of shit!” She launched herself into the fight, not caring whether she’d get hurt or not.

“Y/n, no!”

She jumped on Topper’s back, in hope of sending him down and make him stop hurting her brother anymore. She was able to strike him a couple of times right in the jaw, before he pushed her off violently, sending her flying down and hit the ground with a loud thud. She was just about to get back in the fight when two strong arms dragged her away.

“Let go of me!” She yelled, squirming to get away from Pope’s grip.

“As much as I would like to see you take him down, y/n/n,” said the Heyward boy, still holding her firmly, “John B would kill me if I didn’t stop you.”

Y/n sighed loudly and stopped trying to get away from her friend’s hold on her. She watched closely as John B pushed Topper right in the water and winced every time he got hit.

“Stop you guys!” yelled Kie.

They were both hitting each other without taking a break, making small grunts and groans at the same time. It was getting so violent, so fast. JB pushed Topper in the ocean again.

“Come on Topper! Come on!” He screamed with rage before going back into the fight.

“John B please stop!” y/n pleaded. The crowd was cheering as the fight went on, only encouraging the two teens to continue hurting one another.

Y/n gasped as John B went flying backwards into the water. They were in a much deeper part now and Topper was holding him down into the water. He was gonna drown.

“Topper! Topper, stop! No!” Sarah screamed.

“He’s gonna drown him!” Pope’s voice shaking slight in fear.

Tears were filling the Routledge girl’s eyes and sliding down her cheeks. She was no longer angry but so frightened. Her brother had his head underwater, not breathing for more than half a minute. He was gonna drown, he was gonna die too and she’d be alone, for good now. She couldn’t do it without him, no she couldn’t. She had lived all her life with him by her side, her best memories were spent with him. She couldn’t do it alone. She needed him.

“Topper, please. Let him go!” she was so desperate at this point. She was practically begging him for mercy. She didn’t even bother hiding the despair and concern in her voice. Her tears were crashing on the sand. She was breathless, panting even, the world spinning around her. It was like she was the one underwater. Like she could feel exactly what her brother was feeling.

JJ took a look at her and then at John B, his heart squeezing painfully in his chest at the sight of both of them. He had to do something. He couldn’t let Topper kill his best friend. He hurried to find his backpack, taking the black object he had stolen previously that day.

He held the gun against Topper’s temple, the safety releasing a clicking noise. “Yeah, you know what that is. Your move brisky!” JJ spat, his face almost purple with fury.

Y/n’s hand went to her mouth. JJ brought the gun and he was holding it at Topper’s head. She couldn’t believe it. The sight of the firearm, barely visible but still slightly glistening under the moonlight, was enough to send shivers ripple along her back. She didn’t like seeing JJ hold it this way, with so much pride in his eyes, like it brought him so much power (though it kinda did).

He wielded it as though it was something that protected him against every possible danger. Like he was invincible. It was almost sickening. He shouldn’t be this proud, this brave while holding it. It was a deadly arm, he should’ve been just as scared as she was. What if he hurted someone? Or himself? What if he killed someone? Y/n almost regurgitated the entire content of her stomach at the thought.

“JJ, no.” She had wanted to shout, but her voice came out softly, barely louder than a whisper.

People were now running away, hurrying to their car to get away from the crazy maniac with a gun. Y/n was paralyzed with fear. She wanted to move, to run and throw the stupid gun in th ocean, but it was like her feet were glued to the ground.

“JJ put the gun down!”

“Did you say something princess?” JJ turned his head to Sarah, his hands still holding the firearm against Topper’s head.

“We’re good. We’re good.” Topper let go of John B’s body, his hand raised up in surrender.

“Kie can you check your psycho friend, please?” Sarah spoke, making Kiara glare at her with hatred.

“John B!” y/n rushed to her brother, pushing everyone that came in her way. She didn’t care about her clothes which were getting more and more soaked with every deacons she spent in the cold waves. She offered him her hand, helping him get up and then quickly pulling him into a tight hug.

“Thank god your okay.” She let go of him.

John coughed intensely for what seemed like an eternity, the three thousand liters of water he had swallowed coming out of his mouth at the same time. Y/n looked at him worryingly, her stomach still bubbling with anxiety.

One of his eye was starting to swell, a deep red colour surrounding it. He would have to ice it if he didn’t want it to turn purple. His nose was also bleeding, the blood flowing down and dripping on his lips. Y/n wiped the blood away with her palm and pulled him in an other hug, once he had caught his breath a little more.

“I don’t know what I would’ve done if you,” she choked on her words, “if you didn’t make it.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he grabbed her by the shoulders, still slightly panting. “I’m alright, little bug, I’m alright. My eye might be turning blue and my body might hurt, but I’m still alive aren’t I? I’m still here.” he reassured.

Y/n let out a small smile. She was still incredibly worried for her brother. He was hurt, but he was alive, that was good. Now all she wanted was to go back home and help him take care of his wounds.

“Okay every one listen up!” y/n flinched at JJ’s voice. He was so angry, it almost scared her. “Get the hell off of our side of the island!”

He fired the gun twice in the air, the sound echoing on the almost empty beach. Y/n almost fell back in surprise, letting go of her brother at the same time. The sound was ringing in her ear, her hands trembling. Why was he doing that?

She had acted so carelessly at the beginning of the night that she became a stranger in JJ’s eyes. But now, he was the one acting crazy and stupidly. It was not uncommon for JJ to be reckless but this? No, that wasn’t him.

Who was that person standing in front of her?

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[adashelbysgirlfriend]

A Taste for Something Younger  - Polly Grey Headcannon

Omg I love the Ada roommate headcanon! Could you do the same for Polly? Maybe with a woman a little older/same age as Ada (because we accept age gaps in this household) and her and Polly actually get together in the end? I'd die for that ( @vikingsxf​ )

this idea gave me a big gay hard on and honestly I'm so glad you had it; Polly doesn't get enough love. Ive gone for a younger (Ada age) reader because we definitely support a healthy age gap relationship and i just want to pretend its me who's with polly so. ALSO THIS IS A BIT SMUTTY JUST A LITTLE BIT BUT JUST A WARNING OKAY BABES 

you and Ada had been friends since she started at the library

you both had a lot in common and she would tell you about her crazy relatives which always kept you entertained

obviously you had no clue that the Ada Throne you knew was actually thee Ada Shelby 

when you finally do meet her brother in one of his unannounced visits to her flat its a massive shock that your besties family are the notorious Shelby's 

she brings you out to meet the other brothers and John and Arthur both take a liking to you

when Finn tells Polly about Adas new friend from the city who is breaking hearts all over Birmingham she doesn't really have much to think 

i mean it wouldn't be the first time the shelby boys lost their heads over a girl (especially dumb and dumber) and it probably won't be the last

but when she gets the pleasure of meeting you she can't help but understand why the lads lost their heads

you're stunning, not just physically 

you're mind is almost too wise for your years

“you've got an old soul” 

“thank you, Mrs Gray”

“its Miss, and call me Pol”

you're around a lot

you help in the office with the other women and come for drinks when Tommys in a good mood and feels like having the gang out

Polly’s sass making an impression

you're really intimidated by her because she's just this all knowing mature lady who is also really stunning 

she invites you and ada over to have a girly evening 

you literally don't want to go

anxious as hell

i feel like Polly is one of those people that gives off this no bullshit vibe, so you're scared to even chat to her just incase you say the wrong thing

dressing to impress by buying a new outfit and feeling like a fool for it

its the first thing Polly notices when she sees you 

“you look ravishing don't you”

literally blushing all over

stumbling on your words

Ada has no clue whats going on and is so confused

maybe even a little jealous? why are you swooning over her auntie so much 

Ada gets a surprise phone call and has to leave and you are wanting to leave with her but Polly all nah stay 

this is the (best) WORST CASE SCENARIO PEOPLE 

ALONE WITH POLLY 

in her HoUSE

getting drunk to hide the fear but then also getting loose lipped

chatting absolute beans with her and she can't stop laughing at you 

Because she loves that you're a bit scared of her but seeing a more bold side of you kinda turns her on

the drinking night becomes a weekly thing

you start to relax into Polly presence 

seeking comfort in your time in her home 

Ada doesn't even get an invite anymore

getting drunk together and her listening while you babble on about literally the most random topics ever

you get two whiskies in and start telling her all the facts you know about giraffes or the fall of the Berlin wall

and she just loves to sit and watch you 

insane tension 

a lot of staring 

touching but nothing that would cross the friendship line, flirting with it though 

her doing you makeup and telling you about the wild things she's done 

that almost so close you could kiss but without the kiss tension when she's in your face putting your lipstick on

she says you look good in red, which you don't believe but at this point she could tell you you looked good in a teletubbie costume and a bitch would be dressed head to toe as Lala

she sees you start to push your comfort zones and she loves it 

the new found confidence makes her horny as hell

Jealous Ada is more jealous when she sees you walking round in Polly’s shade of lipstick 

“she must really like you to let you borrow that” - but its LACED IN GAY ANGST BECAUSE WTF HOW DID HER AUNT STEAL YOU 

i feel like you make the first move 

which isn't something you or Polly expected

like you've both been drinking all night and for some reason you start doing vodka shots

and this is the good shit vodka were stalking russian standard pissed off your tits shit love

and you watch her neck those shots like she's getting paid by the hour

and you just 

walk stumble right on over there and fall into her lap 

grab that sexy face in both hands and give her the softest kiss she's ever had in her life

it feels like her first kiss ever

which is saying something because you betcha that womans had a lot of kisses

polly doesnt know how to respond she's SHOOK 

she doesn't even close her eyes she's like 

literally frozen in shock 

pulling straight back

whoops

suddenly all that drunk confidence is gone and you're hit with that crippling anxiety you get when you've done something wrong and been caught for it 

Polly grabbing a fist full of your hair and pulling you back down 

now she's KISSING YOU AND OH LORD 

passion 

she's not even clumsy when she's drunk like you are this woman is EXPERIENCED

lip biting oh my christ 

not that pussyass nibbling but actual biting 

and tongue 

and i mean after that loves theres no going back really is there

finding your confidence again or maybe just horniness and drifting your hand under her skirt

your newfound confidence surprises her but she refuses to let you know that because hello she's Polly fucking Gray 

“dont start something you can't finish, little dove”

“do you want me to stop?”

“i didn't say that”

this is the START OF SOMETHING NEW

leaving her panting and sweating, lipstick smudged and clinging to the arms of the chair

i mean once it happens once its a common occurrence loves

not that either of you are complaining 

not just sex but dates in her living room by the fire

walks together arm and arm 

nobody really thinks to much of seeing her and you together, either assuming you're just one of the boys girlfriends or that you're her niece or something 

and they couldn't be more wrong but their ignorance is bliss

she loves how young you make her feel

and you love how much she takes care of you

i feel like maybe she's a little nervous of baring all to you; physically and mentally

her body is slightly more mature than yours, things aren't as new and shiny as yours may be; i feel like she’d take some reassurance maybe before she knew that you wouldn't just leave her for someone your own age

not that Polly is one to doubt her self worth but she feels like maybe she's just a phase for you 

you wouldn't want her any other way though; you love her body and lets be real we all do too 

she takes even longer to be open about her memories and past

i feel like she slowly but surely reveals more and more about her private life until she can finally trust you with the complete story 

the rest of the shelbys know better than to question Polly on her personal choices; but they are happy to see the carefree woman they remember from when they were young 

even salty Ada can see the happiness you bring out in her, although she doesn't want to admit it to herself

Polly buys lingerie for you all the time 

being bratty and flashing your bra strap to her in public places 

or grabbing her hand and running it under your dress until she can feel the lace of your underwear when you're both out in the Garrison 

she has this “wait until i get you home” look that you'll do anything to provoke 

she teases you until you beg for her to let you finish as punishment 

“you see what you get for being naughty, y/n?”

she likes it when you ride her face, because although Polly is still in control she likes to put you in a position of power

and she likes to be able to see all of you when you're close to the edge

angry sex, because lets be real Polly can be a snappy little bitch and when you both get angry what better way is there to solve the issue than rough lesbian sex 

she loves your smile 

and your giggle

it makes her feel like a teenager all over again 

nobody really understands how you put up with such a intimidating, dominating woman everyday but they don't see cuddly Polly who likes to be little spoon 

she does her very best to keep you out of the family business and always will because you're one of the only people on earth Polly couldn't live without 

you often joke about how Polly would just move in after you but she knows that after you there would be nobody else for her

“without you my little doll, i couldn't be me” 

lots of lap sitting 

hair stroking  

the sweetest kisses; she tastes of cherry and whisky

she says you're like pink gin, sweet tasting and extremely intoxicating 

Polly had given up on love until she found you, and now she's got you best believe she will spend the rest of time she has on earth making sure she keeps you 

[hannibard]

I recently got second hole earrings and it inspired me to write this!

Pairing: Geralt x Jaskier

Read on ao3

“Do I really have to do this?” Geralt asked as he got inside his ex-girlfriends car.

“Yes.” Yennefer answered without looking at him before turning the engine on and exiting the parking.

“Hm. Can’t I just buy you a meal instead?”

“No.”

“What about one of those unicorn dildos you wanted?”

“Tempting but still no.”

Geralt sighed and raised his hand to run it through his hair before remembering that it’s up in a bun and doing so would ruin it, so he placed it back on his lap instead.

Yennefer rolled her eyes.

“Can you maybe chill a bit? You’re the one who bet that you could eat 80 hotdogs in a row without puking and you agreed that if you lost you’d get your ears pierced.” She said, hitting him lightly on the shoulder. “A deal’s a deal, you can’t just back out now.”

Geralt let out a frustrated grunt. “In my defense I was wasted at the time, but I know.”

“Then stop being a little bitch. What are you even worried about anyways? Don’t tell me you’re scared. It doesn’t hurt much, you’re barely gonna feel it.” 

“Fuck no Yenn. I don��t mind a bit of pain, you know that.”

Yennefer turned to wink at him. “That I do.”

They were both silent for a moment as they reminisce some of the better parts of their previous romantic entanglement.

Yennefer cleared her throat and asked again. “Then what’s the fucking problem?”

“I just… I’m not sure how earrings would look on me.”

Yennefer hummed and Geralt chuckled softly. “That’s my line.”

Yennefer laughed but then turned serious. “…I personally think they’d look very sexy on you and fit with your general rocker/bordering on too much leather vibe but if you really don’t want to do this then I can find another equally torturous way for you to settle this bet but without any permanent changes to your appearance.”

Geralt was somewhat shocked to see her yield this easily but he probably shouldn’t have been. He knew how good of a person she was underneath her cold exterior and he also knew that even though things didn’t work out between them she still cared a great deal about him, the same way he still cared about her. It’s the reason they became such good friends after their inevitable separation, and she would never push him to do something outside of his boundaries. 

He smiled softly even though she can’t see it with her eyes on the road.

 “It’s fine. I made a promise and I intend to keep it.”

 …

 They arrived at the piercing/tattoo parlor soon after, Yennefer telling Geralt about a new sushi restaurant she and her girlfriend, Renfri, went to last weekend as they enter the building. They walked up to the counter where a clerk with shoulder-length curly chestnut hair was waiting to assist them. “Hello and welcome to ‘Yellow Lotus Body Art’, my name’s Triss. Do you have an appointment?”

Yennefer nodded.

Triss smiled politely. “Great, could you please give me a name?”

“Geralt Rivia.” 

“Oh, for the ear piercings right? Please wait a moment while I go check if Jaskier’s ready.” She said before disappearing behind a door.

Geralt side-eyed his friend. “You made the appointment in my name?”

“You’re the one requesting their services so isn’t it natural?”

Geralt was about to reply with something snarky when suddenly the backdoor opened and the most attractive guy Geralt had ever laid eyes on walked out.

 He was a little bit younger than him, maybe in his mid-twenties and he had short brown hair in a teen Justin Bieber type hairstyle, that while long out of fashion looked really good on him and gorgeous cornflower blue eyes that seemed to look right into his soul. 

He was wearing an oversized dress shirt with wide pink and white stripes which was messily tucked into his skinny ripped jeans that were folded at the bottom. Several of the buttons at the top of the shirt were left unbuttoned, revealing pale skin covered with a thick patch of chest hair that made Geralt’s mouth go dry.

For shoes he was sporting a pair of brown leather oxford boots that were short enough to show his ridiculous SpongeBob patterned socks. He had various jewelry on, such as a black choker and a simple silver necklace around his neck, rings on his fingers and also several piercings on his ears as well as his nose, eyebrows and one single silver stud on his chin and his arms and collarbone were covered in tattoos depicting yellow flowers (buttercups maybe? Geralt wasn’t sure), music notes and many other random designs. Last but not least, wrapped around his wrist was a bracelet with the bisexual flag on which Geralt was especially happy to see and it made his heart soar with hope.

The man looked at both Yennefer and Geralt up and down with a glint in his eye and grinned widely. “Hello there! I’m Julian but everyone calls me Jaskier. I do both piercings and tattoos here and I’m very happy to make your acquaintance.” He clapped his hands together. “So! Which one of you is Geralt?”

The pair gave him a dry look, or at least Yennefer did because Geralt’s was closer to smitten more than anything else.

“What? I didn’t want to make any assumptions.” Jaskier said sheepishly and bit his lower lip. Geralt’s eyes were immediately drawn to the gesture.

Yennefer leaned on the counter and nodded towards her ex with a roll of her eyes. “It’s him.”

“Perfect! Please follow me.” Jaskier said and led them down a hallway and inside a room. There was a tattoo chair in the middle and the younger man motioned for Geralt to sit on it.

“Triss mentioned that it’s your first time getting a piercing correct?” Jaskier asked while putting on some plastic gloves.

“Yeah.” Geralt answered and avoided eye contact trying to not stare at the guy too much, something which was proving to be quite hard.

Jaskier sighed and looked up dreamily. 

“I remember when I first had my ears pierced.” He said and started taking various small packages out from a drawer and arranging them neatly in a surgical stand next to Geralt’s chair.

“I was in middle school and the guy I liked at the time had earrings so I asked him where he got them just to start a conversation and he told me and then offered to come with me if I ever wanted to try it out so of course I said yes and after I did it I became obsessed with piercings so here I am today.”

Yennefer snorted from the doorway where she was standing with her arms crossed. “Wait, so you basically just did it for some guy?” she asked in a judgmental tone which Geralt was confused about since she literally brought him here for an even stupider reason.

Jaskier just chuckled unoffended. “Not just some guy! I lost my virginity to him not long after.” He said and started opening the packages and taking various metal tools out of them. “And I’d blame it on the fact that I was a teenager at the time but even now when I fall in love it’s always fast.” He turned and winked at Geralt. “And hard.”

Geralt’s eyes widened and he blushed. He cleared his throat trying to feign nonchalance “Hm. That doesn’t really sound fun honestly.”

Jaskier made a thoughtful sound. “Sometimes it is and other times it isn’t I guess. Depends on how the other party will respond.”

He seemed to want to say more on the subject, but he was done with the preparations and he had no reason to stall. “Before we start, I must inform you that all the tools I’m gonna use have been sterilized and sealed in those packages you saw earlier to avoid infection so you don’t have to worry about that.”

He picked up a marker and came close to Geralt to mark the place where the holes on his ears would be made. Once he was done he held a mirror in front of his client. “Is this ok?”

The older man just nodded and Jaskier put the mirror back.

 “Have you thought about what sort of earrings you’d like?”

Geralt had in fact not thought about this at all. “Not really.” He answered honestly.

“Whoa seriously? How do you even come to a place like this without deciding that first?”

“…I lost a bet.” Geralt grumbled while Yennefer laughed.

“Well I’ll have your friend here tell me all about it while you go back to the counter and choose something with Triss. Come on now, off you go!” Jaskier said and kicked him out of the room.

Geralt was worried that his newfound crush was more interested in his ex-girlfriend than him so he wasn’t really paying attention to what Triss was saying, basically letting her pick the first thing she suggested before hurriedly making his way back to the room.

As he got closer, he could hear Jaskier’s beautiful laugh and he quickened his pacing. He was about to open the door when the question the tattoo artist asked Yennefer stopped him dead in his tracks.

“So are you guys together or…?”

“No no, we’re just friends currently. Tried the whole relationship thing out long ago and it didn’t work out. Though I must inform you that I’m dating someone else at the moment but Geralt’s single if you wanna shoot your shot.” 

“I just might.” Jaskier was saying as Geralt re-entered the room. 

Two pair of eyes looked back at him and the piercer shot him a charming smile. “Welcome back big guy! Come here and show me what you’ve chosen.”

Geralt handed him the earrings and sat back down. 

“Black studs huh? Not a bad choice for your first time.” He said and picked up something that looked like scissors, leaning over Geralt.

“You ready?” he asked and Geralt took a deep breath which was the wrong thing to do because his lungs filled with Jaskier’s scent and it was intoxicating. If he had to use words to describe it he’d say it was a pleasant mix of lavender and something citrusy with a hint of sweat coming through as well. 

His heart started beating faster and he looked at Yennefer all panicked. She just raised an eyebrow in return. “What? Need me to hold your hand or something?” 

Geralt growled and looked back at Jaskier. “Just get it over with.”

Jaskier shrugged and got to work. It stung a bit, but it didn’t bother Geralt in the slightest. He actually barely noticed it with Jaskier’s close proximity and the sound of his gentle humming as he worked being all he could thing about.

After he was done, Jaskier picked up a few cotton swabs and poured some sort of clear liquid over them before using them to wipe at Geralt’s ears.

“All done!” He said after stepping back to admire his work. He gave Geralt the mirror from previously to look at the earrings himself as Yennefer came over as well.

Geralt was pleasantly surprised to note that he really liked what he saw. They were very noticeable with his hair being white and all but they didn’t make him look any less masculine as he secretly feared. Plus, they fit quite nicely with his all-black outfit that consisted of black jeans, black combat boots, a black t-shirt and a black leather jacket.

Yennefer whistled appreciatively. “I don’t know about you but I love them.”

Geralt shook his head. “No no, I feel the same way. Thanks for convincing me to do this.” He turned to Jaskier who was smiling back at him. “And thank you for everything.” 

“Just doing my job.” He said in a sing song voice and turned around, bending down to rummage through one of the lower drawers and giving Geralt a very nice view of his ass. His shirt rode up as well, making the tramp stamp of a dragonfly he had tattooed on his lower back visible and Geralt felt himself getting hotter by the second.

Yennefer noticed him looking and smirked but didn’t comment.

Jaskier stood back up and handed him a piece of paper and a small card. He pointed at the paper. “This one has instructions on what to do after you go home, though the gist of it is clean the holes with a cotton swab drenched in saline solution two to three times every day for 2 months and then you’d be able to take those earrings off and try on others.”

He then pointed at the card. “And this is the warranty for the black studs.” He said and took the gloves off, throwing them in a trash can.

“If you somehow happen to lose them, come by and we’ll just redo the process ok?” 

“Yes.” Geralt answered and cursed himself for his bad social skills. How does he keep the conversation going?

“Oh, and I also think I should give you my personal number, y’know, just in case something happens.” Jaskier added and looked up at him expectantly.

Geralt was quick to take the chance that was given to him. “I’d like that.”

Jaskier beamed at him relieved. He took back the paper and quickly scribbled his number down before handing it to him. “Have a nice day Geralt. And Yennefer too.”

“I’m honored you remembered me. Come on Geralt, let’s go pay.” Geralt smiled and gave Jaskier a small wave as he was dragged outside by his ex.

“Goodbye Jaskier.”

[whatiwillsay]

submission:

Reputation is about more than one relationship; a thesis by anon

Hello! I am that anon who thinks Rep is about more than one relationship and this is a hill I am very much willing to die on. I believe there are (at least) two relationship stories told in detail on this album.

One is the relationship between two very famous women (*cough*Kaylor*cough), who are struggling to make it work because of the public pressures. The other is between Taylor and someone who is out of the public eye, or at least someone she is able to keep the relationship completely private. I’m not going to speculate on whether that’s Lily or Joe (lol so full disclosure I don’t think it’s Joe but someone else might) or maybe someone else we don’t know much about. All I know is that there is more than one relationship being discussed. Let’s dive into this analysis, shall we?

The first explicit mention of the public relationship - let’s actually just refer to it as Kaylor from here on out - is on End Game.

Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations Ah, and you heard about me Ooh, I got some big enemies (yeah) Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me would be a big conversation Ah, and I heard about you (yeah) Ooh, you like the bad ones, too

Tay’s lover on here is someone with a big reputation, and being with the person would be a big conversation. Endless Kaylor analyses have discussed this as ‘proof’ that it’s not about Joe. Which, yes, obviously. But equally obviously, any woman in a relationship with Tay would be a big conversation so once we exclude Joe as a possibility, as we rightfully should, we wind up with plenty of other options.

Later in the song we do hear more explicit Karlie lines like “it’s like your body is gold”. We all suspect Karlie is gold (I tend to agree), so let’s call it a Kaylor anthem. Cool. Then, what can we learn about their relationship from this song?

I don’t wanna touch you, I don’t wanna be Just another ex that you don’t wanna see I don’t wanna miss you (I don’t wanna miss you) Like the other girls do I don’t wanna hurt you, I just wanna be Drinking on a beach with you all over me I know what they all say (I know what they all say) But I ain’t tryna play I wanna be your end game (End game) I wanna be your first string (First string) I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team) I wanna be your end game, end game

The lyrics explicitly suggest Tay’s begging the lover to make it work. It’s “I wanna be” not “I am”. She’s craving affirmation, she’s wanting to be chosen; we can pick that up from the repetitive nature of the song. First string, A-team, end game… She just wants for her to be the one. Some might say that would be fun. She’d love for them to wind up together - but there is no clear sign in the lyrics that it’s an actual possibility. It’s what she wants. She’s trying to convince her lover that she is committed, but they never resolve that commitment in the song. It’s never fully requited. No matter how many times she offers what she ‘wants’, there is no response.

Later, she sings:

I hit you like bang We tried to forget it, but we just couldn’t And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put ‘em Reputation precedes me, they told you I’m crazy I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me And I can’t let you go, your hand prints on my soul It’s like your eyes are liquor, it’s like your body is gold You’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks So here’s the truth from my red lips I wanna be your end game (End game) I wanna be your first string (Me and you) I wanna be your A-Team (Be your A-Team now) I wanna be your end game, end game I wanna be your end game (oh, I do) I wanna be your first string (first string) I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team) I wanna be your end game, end game

I’ve referenced part of this above, because it’s where the Kaylor-ness of it all gets more explicit (drinking/liquor/intoxication, gold, handprints/footprints). But again, this isn’t a happy ‘in love’ song. It’s Taylor actively trying to convince Karlie that her feelings are real. “Here’s the truth” she says - that doesn’t sound romantic, it sounds like they’re fighting and wanting to make things work but it’s all proving to be incredibly challenging.

When we add Taylor’s tone of voice in - and the almost forlorn “I wanna be your end game” at the start - my reading makes a lot of sense. It’s definitely a Kaylor song; Kaylor songs are always steeped in anxiety.

Our next clear Kaylor song is ‘Don’t Blame Me’ which (importantly) Taylor didn’t write, but which clearly picks up on themes she finds relatable. Apparently it’s similar to Hozier’s Take Me To Church (I don’t know much about Hozier, but from a quick glance at those lyrics that’s not a wildly happy song either).

Something happened for the first time In the darkest little paradise. Shaking, pacing, I just need you. For you, I would cross the line, I would waste my time, I would lose my mind. They say, “She’s gone too far this time.” Don’t blame me. Love made me crazy. If it doesn’t, you ain’t doing it right. Lord, save me. My drug is my baby I’ll be using for the rest of my life.

We’re going back to that same theme from End Game - Tay is begging her lover to make it work. “For you” she says, “I” would do just about anything. Cross the line, waste time (a biggie when you’re Taylor fucking Swift), even lose her mind. Love has made her crazy, unstable - it’s almost a play on the satire of Blank Space. True love seems to have actually made her into that mad woman she laughed at on the previous album. She’s shaking and pacing, craving the physical release of her drug of choice. (The shaking and pacing in a darkened room comes up later on the album again, by the way - it’s clear that Tay is super into Karlie and I do get it, she’s so gorgeous it’s nuts).

Then comes this gayness:

My name is whatever you decide, And I’m just gonna call you mine.

I’m gonna pause here because these call me by your name vibes are just. So. Damn. Gay. But that’s neither here nor there. Tay continues:

I’m insane, but I’m your baby (your baby). Echoes (echoes) of your name inside my mind. Halo, hiding my obsession. I once was poison ivy, but now I’m your daisy. And, baby, for you, I would fall from grace Just to touch your face. If you walk away, I’d beg you on my knees to stay.

Again, we’re picking up those same recurrent themes: she’s asking her to stay, she is willing to risk it all for love. The daisy is a Kaylor inside joke, we all know about Big Sur, so I’m not going to dwell on that.

The name thing is more interesting, as is the ‘halo, hiding my obsession’. To me, both gesture towards the public nature of the relationship that first started in End Game and picks up steam in later songs. “My name is whatever you decide” she says, but the other woman’s name keeps echoing in her mind, possibly because of her lover’s big reputation? I don’t know for sure, but I think it’s fascinating. I think Tay’s got a thing about names - lol Betty and James but also later in this album; bear with me - so I think this whole name bit is of interest. I think Tay likes the idea of the symbolism of names and the concept often comes up in her lyrics…

Then we get the line which suggests one or both of them have a (public) halo, that they use to hide the desperate love Tay feels for her lover. To be honest, that screams glass closeting phase to me. We go straight from ‘hiding my obsession’ to the daisy references. “Glass closeting with me is fun!” cries Tay, “Please stay with me, please please please.”

But once again, there’s no answer.

And then we switch gears and go into Delicate. What we’ve established in the two songs above is Tay is very invested and wants to make it work, and that she’s dealing with someone who is also famous, and that there are complications. One of those complications is that she’s insecure in the relationship.

Delicate opens with:

This ain’t for the best My reputation’s never been worse, so You must like me for me…

It sets a different tone and attitude to the last two songs. For the first time, we’re hearing an analysis of her lover’s feelings. She’s not begging, she’s not urging. She’s shocked that this person wants her for her. The big reputations and the shaking, quaking and pining are suddenly gone.

We can’t make Any promises now, can we, babe? But you can make me a drink…

Here the lover is more involved than she was previously. Taylor has gone from asking for something to saying that this is what’s happening. This is chilled, low key. This isn’t an obsession. This isn’t her ‘hitting like bang’. It’s two people starting something very… delicate. It’s not love at first sight, it’s an exploration of possibilities. They’re going to a dive bar, they’re hanging out. It’s calm and peaceful. Her anxiety here is a gentle, delicate, romantic one. It’s not dramatic like on the Kaylor songs.

Come here, you can meet me in the back Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you

The theme of secrecy comes in strong on the lines above. They’re hiding, and they’re private. This is not “I would fall from grace just to touch your face” - the stakes are markedly lower. It’s the start of something new, something beautiful. She’s starting over again. And she’s doing so with someone who is willing to hide with her.

This is in sharp contrast to our Kaylor anthems, as we’ve already seen above. Ready for another Kaylor song? So It Goes (again, not by Tay but thematically linked) is peak Kaylor.

See you in the dark All eyes on you, my magician All eyes on us You make everyone disappear, and Cut me into pieces Gold cage, hostage to my feelings Back against the wall Trippin’, trip, trippin’ when you’re gone

Okay, here we have a gold cage imprisoning Tay and a ‘lightning strikes every time she moves’ woman stealing the attention of everyone who sees her. She’s got Tay backed up with nowhere to go and tripping when she’s gone. That’s the same insecurity from before.

'Cause we break down a little But when you get me alone, it’s so simple

She’s explicitly acknowledging their problems, but the problems fall away when they’re in bed or having a romantic interaction.

'Cause baby, I know what you know We can feel it… And all the pieces fall Right into place Getting caught up in a moment Lipstick on your face So it goes… I’m yours to keep And I’m yours to lose You know I’m not a bad girl, but I Do bad things with you So it goes…

The above doesn’t need much additional analysis, there are Kaylors who’ve done it and I recommend going to read those (or just looking up times Tay ended up with smudged lippy around Karlie).

Here’s the really relevant bit:

Met you in a bar All eyes on me, your illusionist All eyes on us I make all your grey days clear and Wear you like a necklace I’m so chill, but you make me jealous But I got your heart Skippin’, skip, skippin’ when I’m gone

Does that sound the same as the ‘dive bar on the East Side where you at?’ Because to me, while describing similar situations - dates in bars - they are explicitly different in mood, tone and atmosphere. In Delicate, Tay and her lover were hiding out in the back, having a heart to heart. Here, the bar has ‘all eyes’ on them. Kaylor both have big reputations and Karlie makes Tay anxious and jealous. She’s not ever sure where she stands with her. The best she can come up with (and you must listen for the high-pitched, uncertain tone with which this line is sung) is that Karlie’s heart skips when Tay’s gone. That’s hardly explicit confirmation of deep, requited feelings.

You did a number on me But, honestly, baby, who’s counting? I did a number on you But, honestly, baby, who’s counting? You did a number on me But, honestly, baby, who’s counting? Who’s counting? 1, 2, 3

This once again acknowledges the difficulties in the relationship. It is not ‘Delicate’. It is not always happy. It’s a proper fucking mess.

Cool now let’s take a look at another Kaylor anthem:

I, I loved you in secret First sight, yeah, we love without reason

I hear the naysayers point to the ‘in secret’ as paralleling Delicate (which so far has been the only one that’s not about Karlie). The thing, though, is that this is about love at first sight/physical attraction/lust - not about the meaningful emotional connection we glimpsed in Delicate. Delicate is explicitly not about love ar first sight or love without reason. It’s about embarking on something new and beautiful but having trepidation along the way. It’s about careful connection.

My, my love had been frozen Deep blue, but you painted me golden

I’m including this as further evidence this is about Kaylor. As I said Karlie = gold. We’ve heard this image in every Kaylor song. You know what didn’t feature in Delicate? Gold. Spoiler: it won’t feature in CIWYW and KOMH either.

I could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets Picture of your face in an invisible locket You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it I had a bad feeling And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis People started talking, putting us through our paces I knew there was no one in the world who could take it I had a bad feeling

In this verse we have people talking and noticing this couple. She’s describing a well-known, public relationship. It isn’t a secret, not really, despite the actual love being kept somewhat secret. Their locket may be invisible but despite that, this relationship is something well known. Furthermore, we already know she has had a bad feeling. That’s kind of the premise of many of her other Karlie anthems - she’s begging Karlie to stay and trying to convince her that they have something real and serious. She is constantly trying to convince Karlie of the seriousness of her feelings. And, well, the song ends with her saying she’d like to dance with Karlie again but there’s no real way forward, seeing as their hands are tied. The whole thing is quite sad.

Let’s look at the other very very Kaylor song (like there’s literally no other way to read it):

Our secret moments In a crowded room They got no idea About me and you There is an indentation In the shape of you Made your mark on me A golden tattoo All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation My hands are shaking from holding back from you (ah, ah, ah) All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting My hands are shaking from all this (ha, ha, ha, ha)

We have the familiar desperation, the shaking, the gold, and the secret moments in plain view. And again, they’re both very famous:

Everyone thinks that they know us But they know nothing about All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

We also get this bit:

Say my name and everything just stops I don’t want you like a best friend

There’s the name thing again and after that the gayest, most glass closety line I’ve ever witnessed. “I don’t want you like a best friend”, she says. I want your body. I want your love. I want us. I want this relationship to be real.

You know what that clarification is in sharp contrast to:

(Call it what you want, call it what you want, call it) So call it what you want, yeah Call it what you want to

Tay didn’t want to call it what you want with Karlie. She wanted to call it end game, first string, A team. She didn’t want to be friends. People talking about them caused her anxiety and lead to the breakup described in DWOHT. CIWYW has that renewed joyful tone that she had in Delicate. It’s hopeful and optimistic. It’s all about about connection and meaningful interactions:

I want to wear his initial on a chain round my neck Chain round my neck Not because he owns me But 'cause he really knows me

This is not an invisible locket, this is not about sex and getting clothes off in bathtubs, this is about a really deep emotional connection which we first heard on Delicate. Notably, it’s the third time she speaks of necklaces on the album, but it’s the first that it’s not sexual. It’s also - importantly - not invisible. It’s not comparing the lover to a necklace (like before, which makes it a physical connection) or saying their relationship can be entirely symbolized by one. She’s saying she’d actually love to actually have tangible physical proof of the relationship. She wouldn’t have said that about Karlie because she wasn’t expressly convinced the feelings were fully mutual. Also, this song is missing that desperate pining and longing that she experiences for Karlie in the Kaylor songs.

I know people hear “Karlie” instead of “Call It” but honestly it makes more sense as one of the non-Kaylor songs. I think maybe the rhyme is her trolling Karlie - call it what you want, which is certainly not what she had with Karlie. This would also kind of explain the laugh in Miss Americana. If someone sang me a song about how things are good between us, and added in a dig at her ex, I’d laugh too. And let’s be honest discussing exes - especially exes in the same social circle (Tay, Lily and Karlie) - is peak lesbian culture.

One more thing:

Cause… My baby’s fit like a daydream Walking with his head down I’m the one he’s walking to

Karlie has never had her head down. She is super active on socials, as a model, and as a philanthropist. Karlie has never been quietly walking “to” Tay. She’s been stunting and traveling and being extraordinarily visible. And all the Kaylor songs deal with that very public nature - with rumors and discussions and everyone’s eyes being on Karlie and the anxiety that causes Tay. I know some Kaylors think they just went underground after being caught making out but that’s just not what’s being described in CIWYW. It’s a different person.

My baby’s fly like a jet stream High above the whole scene Loves me like I’m brand new So call it what you want, yeah

She’s explicitly saying her baby doesn’t form part of “the scene” but rather floats above it. How does that fit Karlie going on vacation with Scooter? Or anything about Karlie, actually? This is obviously about someone very private or not particularly famous. Or both.

Bonus lyric from a non love song that points to an actively private relationship is “and here’s to my baby, he ain’t reading what they call me lately” - why would Karlie not read stuff? She is calling the paps on herself and Josh regularly but she’s not following Tay’s PR game? Make it make sense?

Anyhow back to CIWYW. In that song, her baby loves her - a source of anxiety that never gets stated explicitly resolved in the Kaylor songs. Those songs have her begging for love, not stating it’s existence matter of factly. The difference is palpable.

And I know I make the same mistakes every time Bridges burn, I never learn At least I did one thing right I did one thing right I’m laughing with my lover Making forts under covers Trust him like a brother Yeah, you know I did one thing right

I’m including this because of the chilled out atmosphere, the “brother” simile (which to me is kind of the opposite of “not wanting you like a best friend”) and the insistence that this is “right” which is absent in the Kaylor songs.

KOMH keeps with that same quiet, calm, positive energy.

I’m perfectly fine, I live on my own I made up my mind, I’m better off being alone We met a few weeks ago Now you try on calling me, baby, like trying on clothes Salute to me I’m your American Queen And you move to me like I’m a Motown beat And we rule the kingdom inside my room 'Cause all the boys and their expensive cars With their Range Rovers and their Jaguars Never took me quite where you do

“Try on calling me” like “trying on clothes” is that same idea from Delicate. Things are early, and uncertain. They’re exploring this and seeing where it goes.

This is not a public relationship, it’s entirely “inside her room”. And it doesn’t feature expensive cars and the visibility her - or Karlie’s - stunts had. (Kinda interesting that she drove Lily in the Toyota, don’t you think? And also drives her/someone in Miss Americana?)

This relationship is super secret:

Late in the night, the city’s asleep Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep Change my priorities The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

But what’s secret? Not Tay’s love of this person like before. “Your love” is the secret. As I’ve pointed out that affirmation of requitedness never happens in the Kaylor anthems and hiding out in the dark. Additionally “idea of luxury” is very different to her drug imagery from the Kaylor songs, by the way. This is not addictive, this is just nice.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa And all at once, you are all I want, I’ll never let you go

I believe the “all at once” contrasts the love/lust at first sight feelings she expressed for Karlie. This didn’t “hit her like bang” - it surprised her after a few weeks. And it’s not just a physical connection. This person rules her heart, body and soul.

And what do they do together? Well it’s less ripping off clothes and more chilled hangouts with someone who makes her happy:

Is this the end of all the endings? My broken bones are mending With all these nights we’re spending Up on the roof with a school girl crush Drinking beer out of plastic cups Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff Baby, all at once, this is enough

This is very cute. It’s very much lacking anxiety. She’s happy with her new person; it is finally “enough”. That’s not true for her relationship with Karlie. “School girl crush” is a very cutesy image - and is in stark contrast to the craving, shaking, pining, and bedpost carving that came with “not wanting you like a best friend”. Notice how the second relationship uses constant friendship/platonic imagery and how that type of imagery is not expressly disavowed in the Kaylor songs.

I also think it’s worth contrasting the “beer out of plastic cups” on the roof with “I’m spilling wine in the bathtub” and “eyes like liquor”. All three references are about drinking - but only one is peppy, cute and upbeat and the others are full of lustful desperation.

Now the other possible reading - implicitly favored by the Kaylor community - is that KOMH, CIWYW, and Delicate are set at a different point in the relationship to the sex songs. Unfortunately that doesn’t really hold water because, as I’ve pointed out, the origin story described is different. Kaylor “hit like bang” and fell in love at first sight. The other relationship started out slow and cautious, but quickly settled into something quietly special. These other songs are about a connection that’s chilled out and very emotional and cerebral. The Kaylor songs are about how much she wants to sex up Karlie and leave scratches down her back (which, I mean, fair). The other songs are about tentative emotions and cutesy intersections.

Also KOMH, CIWYW and Delicate are the three songs that feature British/foreign imagery. (This is why I think they’re about Lily or maaaaaybe Joe but again I doubt that and the scene in MA where a woman laughs during CIWYW contradicts it and I also have further lyrical evidence it’s not him which I’ll address below). In KOMH she says “you fancy me” and describes herself as “an American queen”, in CIWYW her baby’s “fit like a daydream” and in Delicate she asks about the “girls back home”. Also East side and West side in Delicate make more sense as being about London. Dive bars in the East End are a vibe. But that’s neither here nor there.

Why is this analysis important? To me it shows that contrary to the rosy Kaylor depictions, the Kaylor lyrics consistently show they always had massive issues (not dissimilar to her issues with Di actually).

Very quickly on why Joe’s not the muse: he’s referenced in Dress in a verse makes no sense lyrically or musically or thematically in the song and I think is only there to make it slightly less gay because otherwise the song is making Kaylor Facebook official. But the “wake up by your side” doesn’t fit in with the pining and anticipation and drunken bath time fun. It’s just thrown in there as deflection. It doesn’t actually fit the other relationship on the album - it’s very romantic but “my one and only, my lifeline” is not the cutesy tone of the other songs. This verse is just made up and slapped in to feed the hets. The musical accompaniment is so markedly different that it is clear it literally doesn’t belong in the song. The other song that makes reference to him, I believe, is “Ready for it”. I think “I keep him forever, like a vendetta” is very much about her plans for him. But it’s a very different thought to “is this the end of all the endings?” because that’s a far less certain emotion. She’s only 100% sure about Joe because it’s… not real.

And final note: Getaway Car is obviously a satirical piece about Hiddlestunt obviously. And I think New Year’s Day is a general love song about the type of relationship she wants, similar to some of her early songs, not about Karlie or Di or Lily/whoever else. It’s missing any of the imagery associated with either relationship except “don’t ever become a stranger” but it might be written from diary entries (which she has shown us she does). Final final note: I don’t know for sure who Gorgeous is about. It could just be a song about hot girls more generally.

If anyone is interested in further thoughts, I’m happy to do this for Lover and folklore too. I think we need to challenge the myth of Kaylor being perfect. And I think we should listen closely and let the lyrics speak for themselves.

*********************************************

thanks for taking the time to write all this up! let’s discuss!!!

[emersonfreepress]

okay so is there content that you had planned for the ROs and story in general but then scrapped cause there wasn’t a good place in the story to stick it in? and if so, can you share what it was? 👀 👀 👀

yes, definitely. *rubs hands together* oh man, you done asked THE question today xD I can't wait to get into this 😁

Academics. I almost decided to have classes and grades be a minor part of gameplay, but the more time I spent designing it the more I realized I wanted nothing to do with it 😂 I haven’t really enjoyed academic gameplay in other interactive fiction because I 1) hate having to choose between studying and interacting with awesome characters, 2) have terrible short term memory, and 3) hate school in general!! So instead I just opted to have the MC be really good at school, point blank period so I could focus on social drama and relationships instead! 😆

Physical skills. I spent literal months crafting the catering scene around setting up stats for stamina/endurance, dexterity, and strength instead of just magnetism, confidence, and persuasion. They had their own backstories with the MC’s parents being overly invested sports parents instead and I think the background choices were like... martial arts, gymnastics, and track? But yeah, I ended up scrapping it all because I was spending hours on research about those individual sports so I could integrate them into the MC’s narrative organically but like... when I tried to think of what use they would be in the actual story, I came up blank. Best decision yet, esp since it means a lot less coding!

Skin tone customization. For one, I noticed that a lot of my favorite IFs don’t offer that customization and it hasn’t impacted my experience at all. For two, I originally realized I might as well not implement it since I am striving real hard not to introduce any customization that won’t actually be mentioned in interesting or meaningful ways in-story. I don’t think it’s really all that common for real life friends (esp in high school?) to comment or compliment each other’s skin and like... when it comes from someone who doesn’t share a similar complexion or ethnic background, that type of commentary gets... d i c e y. So then I wanted to be sensitive to that but what’s the pay-off? An RO mentioning how they love your skin tone once? Awkward sentences with the MC referring to their own skin color? Idk, just wasn’t vibing with it. I’m open to revisiting it in beta or something but for now it’s scrapped.

Singing, Rapping, and Gaming as Hobbies/Talents. I feel bad about scrapping these, honestly 😂 They’re great and I really wanted to incorporate them but it just came down to already having a lot of stuff to code. Plus, I know I can write the Hobbies/Talents I stuck with far better. And for Book 2 purposes, as well!

Leo. as @sourandflightypeaches ​​ asked me about a long while ago, I had to scrap an entire RO 😢 His name is Leo, he was the nephew of wealthy west African diplomats residing in Emerson, and I love him dearly! His backstory was largely based on my mother’s childhood and the circumstances she lived through after immigrating to America. and... ok, i’m about to go on one hell of a tangent so buckle up and bear with me if you can 😅

my intention with this story, aside from writing things that I personally enjoy (graphic violence, spooky woods, social drama, romance, conspiracies 😚), is to explore greed, wealth, and how the ways people and families interact with those two things influence young people and who they grow up to be. here i go sounding pretentious af 😝 and here’s where I apply a cut for those who want to preserve a little mystery to the main characters!

With Gabe, we’ve got someone who grew up with very little stability or financial security but who has found unscrupulous methods to gain status and money, with both noble and selfish motivations.

Kile has some of that childhood experience in common with Gabe, having been in the foster care system since infancy, but they lucked out when they were adopted into massive wealth by a caring, loving couple—a couple that uses their wealth and privilege to be far more lenient and protective of Kile than is actually reasonable or responsible.

Jack comes from a prestigious wealthy family on his dad’s side who he loves dearly but there’s no getting around the fact that they love him back as much as they despise his working class mom.

Jessie is a spoiled sweet heiress (being the baby of her family and the only girl) and while she lives blissfully ignorant of the harmful source and impact of her father's income and career, she bears the weight of the expectation to fulfill very traditional gender roles, including her behavior and appearance, but also extending to her career and life plans.

Rain's wealth led to them growing up sheltered and isolated but also extremely accommodated, giving them maximum freedom and opportunity to discover and develop their personal talents and interests. However, they have almost no positive relationship with their parents who have essentially decided to give up on a kid that couldn't be exactly the accessory they tried to mold them to be—both in terms of their identity and personality.

Rupan/Rohan, at their very core, rejects everything about conformity, self-importance, and excessive luxury—which means they have never, ever truly fit in with their peers. Going full non-conformist, however, has resulted in them becoming alienated from much of their family, as well, despite them all loving each other very much. Their history with false friends and betrayals has led them to over-indulge in their vices and reckless behavior to compensate for that isolation. Sometimes, they just get in over their head and many times, they know better. Every time, it's just that the feeling of finally belonging is utterly intoxicating.

Vivian/Vincent has two extremely successful parents who didn't inherit but instead built up their wealth and they aspire to be just like them, to a degree that is well and truly unhealthy. Their mother specifically is an over-achiever and applies mountainous pressure for them to follow in her footsteps, especially academically. Vi is completely capable of achieving what their mom expects of them, but they were already an extremely sensitive perfectionist so this has made them intensely critical of themself. This is a large part of why they are such a rigid, no-nonsense person and that in turn has made them one of the most disliked people among their peers—which is a huge personal failure to them since their father is a very well-liked and socially successful person in town.

And the Emersons are peak privilege: inherent high social status, brains, looks, charisma, athleticism, and massive wealth. They could never have been anything less than extremely popular, just by virtue of their last name and the nature of the town's social dynamics and politics. And they do enjoy that privilege (esp Curt lol). However, it should go without saying that being so high profile, even (or maybe especially) just in the isolated scope of your hometown, isn't always a boon. Their family's and their own perceived failings are widely discussed and privately mocked and/or celebrated. Real friends are scarce while fake ones and snakes are plentiful. Plus their dad is a gigantic dickhead who sees his kids as extensions of his own status and reputation and not much else. Public shortcomings make for an unbearable time at home and the world outside the estate is at once overly accommodating, full of assumptions, and even subtly hostile at times—all unrelated to their own actions or character.

And with the MC, I think the narrative will make it clear there are several ways that story can go. You start off with irresponsible parents that have lost their wealth due to their own mismanagement and material ambitions—how that affects any individual MC should differ based on choices and consequences!

So why bring any of that up when I was supposed to be talking about my cut OC? 😂😂

Leo was going to be the unwelcome recent addition to his uncle’s household, the son of a brother his aunt hates for (petty af) Reasons, and she took that resentment out on him directly by restricting his access to nearly every aspect of the family's wealth. Especially material goods and living conditions. He was basically treated like the help, tasked with playing nanny for his many younger cousins and burdened with doing the homework and providing academic cover for his dumb as rocks cousin in the same grade as you all. To sum it up, he was basically a victim of trafficking at the hands of his own family with his uncle out of town enough to feign ignorance to how bad his wife was treating his nephew and his aunt going out of her way to keep him busy, at home, and isolated. This is sadly a super common form of trafficking in Francophone African cultures (although I don't think most people view it as trafficking. and I’m sure the same is true of other cultures but I don’t want to speak outside of my purview). And like I mentioned above, it’s how my own mom's (and idek how many cousins') child/teenhood went.

It’s a perspective on modern wealth, privilege and greed that I really, really wanted to tell. I am confident in saying it hasn't been explored in interactive fiction yet (though correct me—and direct me 👀—if I'm wrong) and out of all the wealth/greed explorations I came up with, it's the one I have the closest personal ties to and the strongest feelings about. The characters and plans I had for it were detailed and I'm proud of them but at the end of the day... I just couldn't find a place for Leo in the story at large.

Leo was, in fact, the last main character I came up with, when I had already designed and fleshed out the larger story and started crafting the timeline of major events. I think the worst thing I could have done for a story and perspective that I care about this much is shove it into a plot that didn't have room for it at the very base level, regardless of how well the character or his story is written. Shoe-horned characters always stick out. I didn’t want to disservice Leo by having him be the character that did nothing or could be removed from the main plot without affecting it at all, y’know? That’s so much worse than just forgoing the indulgence, imo :((

ugh.... Leooooo 😭 I'm so sorry bb, I failed youuu 😥