#she didnt consider any of that and told me to “just do it. dont think about it. worry about it later” thats dangerous and irresponsible

[transmaverique]

gonna be honest I see anyone talking about this "my gender is more complicated than yours" shit as someone who genuinely cannot comprehend that other people that don't share certain traits with them can still in fact have rich interior lives. as an agender trans woman who uses she/her I've never had anyone say it to me who wasn't (usually unknowingly) transmisogynistic

see but im not talking about "rich interior lives" and the assumption that i am is exactly what im talking about. i am talking about the actual physical way that reality treats and percieves me in comparison to the way it treats and percieves you. saying my gender is "more complex" means to me that i am physically incapable of existing in a strictly binary world and that there is no thing i can pass as bc "binary man" and "binary woman" are both incorrect for me. and the Cisiety in question does not allow androgyny to exist - it is exclusively the timeframe people have to decide whether they think you are a cisman or a ciswoman, or a failure and a freak. i dont subscribe to that "binary privilege" shit, thats not how privilege works. but there are differences in the ways both you and i can navigate this strictly binary Cisiety!!! and those differences deserve to be named, imo

like. again. i dont have to comfort you about your own internal sense of gender before youll listen to me about my experiences in the real world as genderqueer. as a different sort of transsexual than you.

(and bc i Know what binary ppl love to say: i know not everyone is 'capable of passing'. what i am talking about specifically is the difference between being unable to pass as a cis woman or a cis man vs being unable to pass bc what i am does not exist AT ALL in a binary society, and both of those things are incorrect ans unattainable.)

(anyways if that language is too imperfect for you thats like fine but. its just confusing to me, i dont get why its hard to understand what we are talking about here. our experiences w our nonbinary genders are completely different! why do i have to discuss them like theyre the same?)

[evil-starsh1ne]

yo brain who are we again

[autisticlee]

I hate when I tell people that something they tell me to do/try doesn't work for me, I tried it and it didn't work, it won't work for me because it doesn't consider my particular circumstances, i'm unable to do it because X reason, or i'm uncomfortable doing something, and their response is that i'm ~not even trying! just giving up! making excuses! complaining too much! being negative! ignoring their advice! dismissing them when they're just trying to help!~

why don't you listen to me????? if you truly want to help, you will listen to me, consider my circumstances, needs, boundaries, etc, and not make it all about YOU. especially when I don't even want advice and just want support/comfort.

[mrfoox]

'huh... You have abandonment issues? I thought that was usually something you got from childhood trauma. Were you abandoned as a child?'

Me, trying not to cry: haha, not in the usual sense?

[dunmeshi-darlings]

oh my gosh i love your imagines so much!!!! have you ever considered doing something like when chilchuck realizes he has feelings for the reader?? maybe they joined their party and seemed really interested in his work and always wanted to chat with him when they could and it sort of led him into getting closer and being like “oh shit… am i growing attached…”

thank you so much deary, it warms my heart to know people enjoy the content i am putting out for them.

Chilchuck was actually the one to suggest laios get a new party member to join them, with how dangerous things had been getting lately he figured it would be nice to have some extra backup.

He was hesitant about you at first, He thought at first that you asking all kinds of questions was you doubting him. But he quickly learned that no, you had a genuine interest in his work. He would grin whenever he would explain something to you, it was nice to have somebody who respected him and his work.

Of course because you showed such interest in his work the two of you grew closer and you ended up being the person he was closest with in the party, the two of you often sitting together and sharing stories and talking about things as you two laughed together.

After senshi joined you two would also try the foods together, promising to try it if the other did. You were also quick to remind senshi that traps and locks were chilchucks specialty and that he should really respect him and his work. This was music to chilchucks ears and helped keep senshi out of his hair.

You two grew closer and closer, always by each others side as you talked and joked and explored together. One day when you were away from camp marcille poked chilchuck. "Your a hypocrit." She huffs confusing the half-foot. "The hell is that for? what did i do!?" he throws his arms up in confusion, the elf crossing her arms.

"you always get onto us about inter party romance except you and Y/N are so lovey dovey it feels like a romance book" She says pouting a little causing the half-foot to jump in shock. "WHAT?! ME AND Y/N ARNT TOGETHER!?" he shouts waving his arms confusing marcille. "you two sure act like it? you two obviously like each other."

"no it...i...we arnt...i dont view...but.."

Chilchuck tried to explain everything away, saying that he didnt have any feelings. However the more and more he looked at it, all the arguments he kept trying to come up with seemingly fall away as the realization dawns on the older half-foot causing him to sit down and put his face in his hands.

"oh god....i like Y/N....dammit." He groans, the elf mage laughing as she realized the situation, that chilchuck hadnt realized he liked you. "ITS EVEN MORE LIKE MY ROMANCE BOOKS NOW." she wheezed in laughter causing the half-foot to curse at her in his language as she finally settles down.

Chilchuck had a lot of thinking to do, He had preached on and on and on about how bad interparty romance was both from experience with it as well as his own issues he had with relationships that he hadnt told anyone about...was he supposed to just ignore these feelings and act like they werent there? he knew that if he did it would eat him alive, but could he really ignore his own advice?

[drchucktingle]

mr. dr. chuck, i'm a few months ago i told a doc of mine that i believe i'm on the spectrum (after yeeeears of considering all the reasons why i thought so) and she agreed with me. then i came to some conclusions about members of my family. then i started melting down and haven't really recovered.

i'm in my 30's, but my life feels like it's been the mistake-addled 24th year for over a decade. people, choices, wants, they feel like things that were silly blips and not of much substance. i'm tired and my body hurts, so it feels harder to get to things i need. doctors don't seem like they can be trusted because of all the other ways i show up in the world.

i'm worried about my life and my future, and it feels like my magic is gone (or that i can't touch it right now). do you have any words of wisdom for someone who found out this really big thing about themselves kind of late?

thank you.

hello buckaroo thank you for writing. first of all i will say MOST IMPORTANT thing to remember is that it is okay and valid to FEEL the way that you feel. your reaction to this news or any news really is not wrong. that does not mean you cant wish for another reaction or WORK TOWARDS another reaction, but in grand cosmic sense this is just your way. YOUR TROT IS VALID and we all have our own unique way. sometimes that path is an easy path with sunny days and smiles and a glorious view, and sometimes it is through the darkness of shadows or crawling through the old bog. we can PREFER one path over the other, but neither is WRONG.

when giving advice old chuck tries to not PROJECT what i think YOU should do because that is not really the point. this is your trot to trot and i do not think it is my place to act like some authority of your way. what chuck can do is tell you MY story of diagnosis and how it made ME feel and maybe you can take little pieces of that for yourself.

chuck learned of way on autism spectrum when i was in early twenties by doctor who said 'yes this is your way'. when i learned of my spectrum way my reaction was: wow this is very very cool i am so lucky because all of my heroes are autistic and now i am in this RADICAL CLUB. we are special and unique and DANG what a treat wish i could have a membership card in my wallet to show all my buds.

now obviously this is not everyones reaction, but as starting off point i wonder what it would have meant to my future if the news would have HIT ME IN A BAD WAY. if i would have felt let a dang robot alien who didnt belong. maybe id be swimmin through the bog ever since.

thing is I LIKE ROBOT ALIENS they are very cool. doctor did not MAKE me different, i was different already, our talks just popped a nice little name on it for me to take or leave. i took the name proudly because DATA from stars trek (certified robot alien) is exactly how i already felt and dang what a cool character and dang what a great life. so was DAVID BYRNE. so was every cool buckaroo artist that i liked. cowboys are OUTSIDER HEROES and that is how my autism makes me feel.

so like i said, i do not know about YOUR way, but MY WAY of hearing this news was heaps of joy and excitement. i will also say that it is very DIFFICULT to find this reaction later if your first leap is feeling in a sad way about it. so maybe if you want to trot back in your mind to those first few steps it would be helpful. maybe mentally trot to where you were pushed off a dang cliff and think "well was i pushed off a cliff or was i just told 'hey bud youve been floating this whole time?"'

because if youve been floating then DANG thats a lot of power. thats not falling. you can float up, you can float down, you can float side to side.

the next thing i will say AS AND ARTIST is that years of toiling and feeling aimless are NEVER actually aimless when it comes to creation. and to LIVE in a human body is to be an artist, because you are CONSTANTLY CREATING the future. when i am writing and i dont have an idea for my next book that can be frustrating, but it is also PART of the process. if i walk to the store to rustle up my mind, or wander around the park, or spend a whole WEEK feeling weird because of writers block THAT IS ALL PART OF MAKING GREAT ART. that is not wasted time. in other words, your years of toiling are not wasted time, that is just the process we all have when we are creating a future masterpiece.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for telling someone i can't be friends with them and returning a gift?

buckle up gamers, this is gonna be a long one. so i (22nb but i present fem) was out at the bars the other night just kinda hanging out, and a girl (26f) came up and started talking to me. she didnt really seem...super present i guess? and i talked to her to be nice and she had a cool outfit on. well i was a little drunk and ended up giving her my phone number and meeting her husband (39m) and they walked me home. the whole time she was talking about how she doesn't have any friends and her ex friends just wanted to get with her husband. she told me she was bi and i was like hey me too but im not interested in sex so that was cool. she ended up walking me home w her husband bc it was late which was nice, but they seemed really shocked i lived in such a nice apartment(i do, its expensive but my parents pay for it. im really privileged to be able to do that).

i saw her again today because she kept texting me about wanting to hang out, so i went for ice cream with her bc it was in a public place and i wasnt super comfortable going back to her apt with her. i paid for her ice cream bc she said her card wasnt working, nbd bc my parents have money and her and her husband aren't really well off. i said she could pay me back sometime, buy me ice cream or whatever another day, but she really fixated on it. she told me her husband thought i was cute which made me a little uncomfortable but i laughed it of, and then she kept talking about how she was bi and would date a girl and how she approached me not to date but to be a friend and then 'see where it goes.' she also told me she did porn online to make money which is fine w me, that she's on disability but that the money isnt really enough to live on, and that she'd been raped in the past and drugged which yanno a little overshare-y considering ive known her for three days but she really seemed like she needed someone to talk to and im good at listening. well her husband showed up out of nowhere bc he apparently tracks her phone and we all went back to their apartment bc i couldn't say no(im a doormat. i know) and she ended up giving me two pieces of jewelry in return for buying her ice cream which felt a little like overkill. i tried to refuse but she said she wouldn't ever wear them again so it would be fine. it was really kind of her but now i kind of feel i owe her back for them. the whole time i was there they seemed really eager to get me to move in nearby, and while its true that area is definitely cheaper my parents are really fine paying for my expensive apartment bc my tuition is a lot cheaper than my sibling's. she and her husband walked me home again, mentioning they might be going on a cruise in november if they could save up the money and that they could bring a friend. i said id almost definitely have school which they seemed to accept. they kind of seemed to want to see my place, but i told them it was really messy(it is) i have anxiety around having people in my space(i do) and that maybe they could come up another day and i could make dinner, and she told me she didn't like people cooking for her bc she'd been drugged in the past and that i could go over to their apartment again instead.

my parents think theres some really big red flags going on and i should try to break this off sooner rather than later. i pretty much agree. im not gonna ghost her and they dont think i should either, but that i should somehow return the jewelry in a kind way and tell her i cant really be super close friends. my mom had the idea to draw myself wearing the jewelry and then say i still have a memory of it but to return it bc i cant accept such a nice gift which i could try to do.

to be clear i am shit at communication and setting boundaries, im very aware of that, and most of this can be solved by telling her hey i can't accept this gift and im really busy for school a lot and im sorry i cant be as much as a friend as you need. but i still kinda feel like tah for leading her on almost and then breaking it off like everyone else in her life. ive been under a lot of stress bc of school and my stepgrandmother passing and trying to take care of my grandfather so trying to be friends with someone that seems kind of high maintenance is not really tenable for me.

so, wibta if i tried to let her down gently?

What are these acronyms?

[invertedheaven]

If You Really Love Nothing

chapter 8: pride

chapter index | next chapter

“Fushiguro! What are you doing here?”

You watched as yuji approached, you didn't think him finding out would be like this. The noise surrounding you drowned out, it all became white noise and you could hear your heartbeat in your ears. It was as if you were waiting for the drop on a rollercoaster, all this adrenaline and anxiety about to crash. All you could think about was the possibility that sukuna was with yuji but just not in sight.

Yuij said your name and you snapped out of it “is this your niece?” He smiled

Yuji turned to look at gojo and at the kid he was holding, she looked no older than 3 but there was something off. You saw the gears turning in his head but you were hopeful he wouldn’t put two and two together considering airi was wearing her hat that covered most of her hair— which was the giveaway.

But you spoke too soon as airi grabbed the hat and tossed it on the ground and said “mommy I don’t want this anymore” followed by a pout

You visibly cringed at her poor timing, truly she couldn’t have picked a worse time and she didnt even notice. Yuji bent down to pick up the hat and as he looked at airi again it seemed to click into place.

Yujis brain was slow to the resemblance but as the kid called you “mom” realization hit him like a truck. But his mind kept telling him it wasn’t possible, there was no way sukuna could have a kid, right? But his familys pink hair and his brothers red eyes were too rare to deny. And the pout she seemed to wear was strikingly similar to sukunas brooding expressions.

Words caught in his throat he couldn’t speak as he tore his eyes away from the little girl in gojos arms and looked at everyones faces. He realized nobody had spoken the entire time, and the look of guilt that riddled your faces tells him this wasn’t supposed to happen.

He looked to fushiguro first, hoping he’d say something but he refused to make eye contact. You also refused to look at yuji but he could see that your eyes were glassy as if on the verge of tears, while gojo just looked at yuji with an apologetic face. All he does is stick his hand out to you, handing over the hat that airi threw.

“Thank you” you said quietly, as you turned to put the hat back on airis head you saw her eyes widen and her face laced with curiosity, she was staring at yuji but you don’t know what her reaction was about.

“He has my hair!” She said excitedly and tapped you to get you to look at yuji

Airis favorite thing was when her dolls had pink hair or any character that had pink hair. She often found that the friends at the park and most people around her did not have the same pink hair as her so she got excited at anything that slightly resembled her

“I know, baby” you said sadly you couldn’t even bring yourself to reprimand her for throwing her hat, you didn’t want her to think that behavior was okay but that was also the last of your concern

“Who is this?” Yuji finally found his voice, his tone came across as impatient

You wondered how to approach the subject but before you could speak yuji spoke again “fushiguro? You gonna tell me?” Megumi looked startled that he was called out

The lack of responses or reactions was aggravating yuji, why couldn’t anyone just tell him what hes already thinking? He’s asking and getting nothing in response its like dealing with a bunch of sukunas

You hated that megumi felt called out so you finally found the nerve to speak up “This is airi… my daughter” you finally looked him in the eyes and all he did was nod in response waiting for an elaboration

“Airi say hello, this is your uncle yuji”

“Hi yuji” she said a little more shy this time because she wasn’t a big fan of strangers and the initial excitement of the pink hair washed away the longer yuji stood in front of her

All he could do was wave back with a half smile before he spoke “I dont understand… sukuna never even told me” he looked at you again “is this why you guys broke up?”

You shook your head “yuji, he doesn’t know about her…”

Yuji swore if his jaw wasn’t attached it would’ve fallen to the floor, he looked at gojo and fushiguro to make sure he wasn’t being pranked or something but they just looked uncomfortable

“Did you know?” Yuji asked megumi

“I did”

He doesn’t know if feeling angry is the right thing for him to feel but hes feeling it anyways but before he could ask why megumi would keep that from him you cut in

“I asked him not to tell you, its not his fault” but yuji wouldnt look away from megumi

“This might not be the best place to talk about this” gojo finally spoke up making a good point because none of you had realized you were taking up a lot of space in the crowd while people had to push past you and some stared wondering what the issue was

You nodded in agreement “we’ve been here a while anyways I dont want her getting sick” you were referring to airi. “Do you want to come back to our house with us yuji? Im sorry if you have plans its just a lot to talk about and this isn’t the place” your mind suddenly remembering sukuna could be around and you had to leave while you could

"I was just leaving the movies" yuji lied he didnt want to risk rescheduling an explanation for this. He followed fushiguro and his family back to their car, he texted junpei that he wasn’t gonna make it to the movies normally he would’ve felt bad but every emotion was running through his brain right now

“I can take her toru you’ve been holding her for a while” your voice was shakey as your nerves calmed down. You stretched your arms out but airi shook her head she didn’t want to go with you because gojo had the blue cotton candy that she was now eating more than her own

“Well she’s decided no, so I can’t complain” gojo joked “although she is eating my cotton candy” he half pouted while airi smiled

“I told you” you replied slightly laughing feeling beyond thankful for satorus ability to take your mind off the current situation

Megumi trailed slightly behind watching how yuji observed you and gojos interactions. He couldn’t say he blamed yuji it was an interesting dynamic, but he would be lying if he said it wasn’t making him anxious just thinking about what was gonna happen after this

———

The car ride home was filled with an awkward silence other than airis mindless rambling about her day, that you were all present for except for yuji so he genuinely tried to pay attention. Once you arrived home, gojo led the boys to the living room while you changed airi into her pjs and brushed her teeth, her bed time was soon and you wanted to get this out of the way now. Once you joined the boys back in the living room, airi ran to her toys that you hadn’t cleaned up that morning

“So why haven’t you told sukuna” yuji wasted no time quite frankly he didn’t want to beat around the bush or play nice right now he was genuinely irritated

“We broke up its true and I really don’t know why” you sighed chewing your lip because you were anxious “he moved shortly after that but about two months later he visited me one last time but by the time I woke up the next morning he was gone with no way for me to contact him”

Yuji was listening but watched as airi pulled on fushiguros sweater asking him to play tea party with her and when fushiguro said yes (to yujis surprise) she had the biggest smile on her face which made yuji feel less angry about the fact that fushiguro didn’t say something sooner

“I know that sounds like I didn't even try but believe me I did but after 2 years I gave up” you sat back into a more comfortable position “I always wanted to be a mom but I knew I couldnt afford it until satoru offered that I move in with him, if I’m being honest she wouldn’t be here if not for him”

Yuji was shocked that gojo would do something so selfless, it doesn’t come across as his character he seemed to carefree in a sense “how old is she” yuji asked

“3 she’s turning 4 in march”

Yuji looked at you suddenly wondering if her birthday was near his and you answered his unspoken question “march 21st”

“Wow” was all yuji could say slightly shocked at how that worked out

“I haven’t told him because not only has he not apologized, I’m worried that if he does suddenly decide to be there for her, what happens when he decides to up and leave again like he did with our relationship” you sighed “I cant put airi through that”

You spoke even quieter next “and if im being honest I don’t even think he’d care about having a kid”

Yuji can understand that, he knows his brother isn’t exactly reliable but a part of him wants you to give sukuna another chance. Not because his brother necessarily deserved it but because he selfishly wanted that concept of family. If yuji was also honest with himself he doesn’t think airis existence would change anything for his brother either, he doesn’t know what kind of reaction she would warrant from the emotionally stunted man. For that fact alone yuji can understand your decision, and now he’s at war with himself trying to decide if he would go home to his brother with the truth.

“Will you ever tell him?” He hopes you say yes for the small part in him that feels like his brother should know about his own kid and because maybe time will change things

“I haven’t talked to him in years yuji, and most importantly I know he doesn’t want anything to do with me” you say in a somewhat lighthearted tone trying to hide the hurt and irritation you feel having to say that out loud

Yuji wants to tell you you’re wrong that his stupid brother is still in love with you and that he has even said he shouldn’t have left you. Yet he doesn’t because he somehow felt that you wouldn't accept those words if it wasn’t from sukuna himself. And a part of yuji admires that about you, no matter how frustrating it makes the current situation

“Thank you” yuji whispered out

You stare at him caught off guard not sure why hes thanking you

“You had all this going on and you still let me come over and were always so nice” he shrugged and continued “and I guess for her too, its pretty cool I have a niece” yuji smiled at you

Your eyes welled up with tears and you just put your face in your hands trying to stop from the scream that wants to claw its way up your throat, you feel so stupid with how complicated all of this has become and for a minute there you actually doubt your decision to not tell sukuna until yuji speaks up

“I wont tell him… a part of me wants him to know because he’s my brother and I love him but I think it’s probably your choice and I do understand why you wouldn’t want to put her through that” and at that he notices gojo rubs your back in an attempt to calm you down

“Thank you yuji” you sniffle lifting your head to smile at him and in that moment he thinks airi has your smile

For the next hour yuji finds himself joining airi and fushiguro in playing with her kitchen playset while still talking to you and gojo. Airi warmed up to yuji happy to have someone else to play with and she actually thought he was fun, megumi also felt happy (not that he’d admit it) that he could finally (somewhat) go back to normal

Yet much to her protest you spoke up “okay airi its bed time” You tried to sound nice but you know she hates it

“But I don’t want to mommy” she pouted and the water works started you understand why she’s upset she’s finally having fun with megumi and yuji but you already extended her bed time by half an hour, any more and you knew she'd get cranky

“I know baby but you can play with them more next time, okay?” Yuji perked up happy to know you’d still want him to come back around

Airi wouldn’t admit it but she was sleepy so her fit didn’t last long she cried quietly as she nodded but continued to say goodnight to everyone including yuji but she didn’t give him a hug like she did to satoru and megumi. You weren’t going to make her either, he was still someone new and if she didn't want to that was okay.

“Bye airi! We’ll play more next time, okay?” Yuji smiled and waved his hand and she waved back while sniffling. You smiled at the interaction knowing that airi would definitely want that.

A few minutes later you came back from putting airi to sleep, yuji and gojo were talking about some tv show as megumi sat on his phone. “Will we be seeing you for megumis birthday?” You asked yuji

Megumi looked up from his phone not expecting you to ask that but thankful you did because he wanted to know that too

“Yeah im still down, next week right?” He turned to megumi

Megumi simply nodded, “but I should probably get home” yuji spoke again and he sounded sad, he stood up from the couch making sure he had his phone

You walked over to him and gave him a hug “you can come over whenever now, airi would love that too” yuji nodded but said nothing as he hugged you back and he had to stop himself from tearing up a bit because even though it wasn’t how he imagined he felt like this could be the family dynamic he needed

“Do you need a ride? I can take you home” gojo offered

“If you wouldn't mind” yuji smiled awkwardly

When gojo and yuji left you began to clean up airis toys, usually you would have her help but it was too late. Megumi spoke up as he helped you "are you okay?"

you didnt look at him not because you were mad you just needed a breather it was a lot to handle emotionally, you nodded "im fine, are you?"

megumi nodded too "i'm sorry I know you didn't want this to happen"

you shrugged "its not your fault, what's done is done and if i'm being honest maybe it won't be so bad im sure him and airi will get along great. I thought he would definitely tell sukuna but it seems like he wont"

"I really hope so" megumi responded

———

As gojo dropped off yuji, he thanked him for everything and was thankful the drive wasnt awkward considering everything that happened. But now for yuji, it was more so about having to face Sukuna, and with what he knows now he wasnt sure how to. Yuji knew Sukuna would be home after all, it was a weeknight and sure enough as yuji walked inside, sukuna was sat at the kitchen table with his computer

“Where have you been?”

“The movies” yuji lied, annoyed because he knows his brother didnt ask cause he was worried but because he wanted to know if yuji had been at your house

Yuji glanced at the kitchen completely forgetting he hadn’t had dinner but it didnt matter now, he had lost his appetite. As yuji joined sukuna at the table he debated bringing you up just to gauge his mindset about you. To yuji, his brothers reaction would tell him what to expect about possibly knowing about airi

Sukuna noticed yuji was off he wasn't as talkative and he was fidgeting a lot more like he was nervous which meant he wanted to ask something, “What? Spit it out”

“Would you really never speak to her again?”

Sukuna felt his heartbeat speed up he knew yuji was asking about you but he doesn’t know why he would “you’re asking me this shit again? Dont ask me about her”

“Answer me sukuna” yuji had an anger in his eyes and voice that his brother didnt know how to place

“And what makes you think you can talk back to me like this? Dont forget who’s paying for the roof over your head and the goddamn food you eat”

Yuji recognized the anger in sukunas voice and wanted to back down but he continued “I know you still love her… I know you regret breaking up with her”

Yuji didn't even have to look at his brothers face yet he could just imagine the look of disdain “you talk a lot when you’re drunk yknow, you just don’t remember” yuji mumbled as he stood up from his chair, it screeched on the floor and echoed through the silent house. Anger welled up inside him and he needed to go to sleep so the day could just be over, not saying anything else to sukuna

Sukuna sat there wanting to be angry but he felt proud in a sense that yuji spoke up but pissed that it was aimed towards him. Especially about you, and what made sukuna sit there wallowing even more is that he really doesn’t remember saying those things but it’s a truth he’s been refusing to accept in his sober state. Not that he knew why yuji was all of sudden pissed but it made sukuna bitter that he admitted those things out loud and even worse that yuji never said anything sooner.

The anger he was feeling throughout the week simmered down to a longing feeling that he despised, but yet he asked himself anyways… could he finally admit that he regretted breaking up with you?

And he finally swallowed his pride enough to say (entirely sober) what he’s been denying for the past 4 years…

That yes, with every fiber of his being he regretted it.

[byjovewhataspend]

Putting on his best outfit to cheer himself up-- it's not really working :(

rambling thoughts about the new manga stuff below

It feels so WILDLY incorrect tonally for none of the villains to be saved. So many people told deku he couldnt save shigaraki and he pushed back against that-- but from any outside view shigaraki dying is the same as Deku killing him, i dont accept 'his ghost smiled so he was saved', afo shattered shigarakis mind the second Tomura's heart wavered and he died instantly (nana saved a little bit of his soul long enough for him to hang out and punch AFO, that had nothing to do with deku)

but the last thing he said before AFO killed him was 'i have to be the hero to the villains' and the last thing he said to deku was essentially 'tell spinner i did was i promised'

but before both of those points almost the entire league (sans compress) is already dead (spinner seems braindead? though the next chapter had people messing with what looked to be his scales so maybe someones working on helping him) so Deku cant tell them anything.

ANYWAYS my 5% hope here, a way to walk this shit back, is that Tomuras quirk 'which used to have a regeneration aspect' regenerated itself and Tomura comes back and Deku gets a second chance to save him for real this time, and then tomura uses the regeneration aspect of his quirk to fix all the rest of the league. he can return Spinner to his old self, and Dabi has GOT to be in that tank in front of Endeavor, right?

(What else in the world does Endeavor have to care about right now except for his family? none of them (or hawks, his only friend) needed a healing tank, so im guessing Dabis horrific husk is in some stasis goo with no hope , spinner is brainded/insane with no hope, toga is probably 'disappeared on the battle field' or maybe in a coma with no hope.. )

((honestly that tank, them not telling us yet if anyones dead (it would be weird to REVEAL people died who we thoughts died on screen a year ago) and the weirdly timed 'tomura couldve been able to regenerate but i removed that' a second before he died are the only reasons i have any hope. im not the hoping type. a series i was interested in ending badly has never been Taken Back before))

i dont know if That Person is Tomura (it didnt LOOK like him, not at all, honestly they looked like a woman to me, but who the fuck knows when they are doing Anime Crazy Face) but it feels like the only way to walk any of this back.

They put so much emotional stuff onto tomura and then gave him the worlds clearest 'he never had any choice to be this way' backstory EVER (even his BIRTH was arranged by AFO thats so fucked up, i wouldnt be shocked if he bought him the dog he killed too) that the ONLY doubt i had that Deku would save him was in that i wasn't sure how youd arrange to keep him out of prison for life. Id been guessing 'rewound to childhood to get a second chance at a better one' (not great but hey, it beats dead or tartaras and it matches that opening i liked) but hey, if hes Confirmed Dead and Deku finds someone Similiar To Him but with Fixing Powers and is liek 'hey everyone this is my brother Tenko my american dad just brought him over isnt that great?' id fucking take it

ALSO plucking Eris horn off so that she wasnt an option anymore like.. from a writing standpoint feels like it has to be FOR something.

Finally: deku looked SO depressed in the most recent chapter. he looked miserable. he hardly spoke a fucking word. considering how he acted about Eri i cant imagine hes the type to be like 'whelp, failed to save those people, i guess ill save a random different person in the final arc and thatll help me get over it'. truly i think if deku to failed to save tomura he'd spend the rest of his life not feeling like a real hero. especially when he checks to complete tomuras wish and spinner cant get his final words? and togas final words to deku was that she liked him and then he ran off and she died?? just. no. it feels so tragic and dark.

i do NOT believe horikoshi has that much creative control, honestly, i feel like if he had complete control he wouldnt kill tomura (since hes written a Tenko into like all his other stories and he loves him) but a small glimmer of hope is Dabi getting fuckign 4th place in the popularity results after he'd already become the most dead looking fucker i have ever seen. SURELY management knows hes popular and would be open to them being saved and redeemed just for BRANDING purposes, right?

PS: everyones been joking but he horikoshi SAID we'd see dekus FUCKING DAD. what possible purpose could that man serve when he wasnt even watching deku lose his arms on international tv?? if its as a cover for bringing tomura back ill fucking take it.

[d4rkpluto]

i've returned to post about a particular subject i've been fighting to or not to post, because i used to consider this person the closest person in my life and i even considered her as a best friend and a sister.

and we have fallen out and apologised to each other many times, but perhaps whenever we argued it was life telling me that she is not supposed to be in my circle. and you could be wondering why am i bringing this up and telling tumblr this but im telling tumblr this to be aware of @couerardent and her scamming behaviour.

couerardent also known as MYSTIICWINTER OR MYSTICWIINTER.

talk about WORSE SERVICE I HAVE EVER GOTTEN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[other people have come to me and spoke about how bad her services were, but i tried to overlook it because i really cared for her, lessoned learn]

i have always been empathetic towards ardent and her money situation, but there are moments when excuses turn into reasons to not do something. on august, i sent alex money because she needed it, but she also said in return she will give me 4 packs she usually gives her clients and she told me she would give me my money back.

first pack is "tell me your story."

second and other packs she hadnt told me what they were but she informed me that i'll be receiving them weekly since august, and now its november.

at first i was empathetic, since i used to be close to ardent, i knew she went through a lot of stuff at home, so i was patient. until august turned into september, and september turned into october and then october turned into novemeber.

and slowly i became annoyed, [as i should] because her services arent even long or good, as someone who gives chart readings to other people that consists more than fourteen pages, the effort to write that would take long, but ardent doesnt even give five pages for her services, three at most, so why is it taking her so long?

previously, she has joked to me about scamming other people, but would put the blame on them and not want to take accountability until they start using threats to expose her, i think she deleted the making fun of scamming them but here is some of it:

and when i would message her for updates about my reading because it'll take months, she would ignore me and even change her pfp on tumblr or discord, until i reach out to her on more platforms to get her attention.

and what would annoy me even more is that she would talk about how she never has something to do or would focus on other stuff knowing she needs to get my reading done lmao and this would be like 1-2 months after i was supposed to receive any of it lol.

worrying about the layout for almost 3 months PLEASE.

i have received 1/4 readings, and that was now almost 2-3 weeks ago, we should've been on my 2nd or 3rd reading by now, the only reason i have received 1 reading is because i did threaten to expose her if she didnt send the money or reading my way, because even i had some issues because living in london has gotten really difficult and i have been trying to support my family as much as i can, but im doing better right now.

its all about the principle. and she has none of that. and even attempted to victimise herself and behave like she was in distress whenever she got called out about her behaviour.

she lost track of time, the time being 3-4 months lol.

and when i was speaking to her she ignored me for a bit again ha, it was almost comedic. for almost two weeks she didnt try and check what i was speaking about.

she has gotten ill, but this was still months after.

and i have remembered, she has used much of her earned money to fund for her nose job but also uni, but during the moments it was best to pay me back was at the job she said paid her well, she informed me that when she gets paid by her job she'll pay me back, and she never did and ended up quitting the job.

[the unfairness i was speaking about is how uni her country dont do student finances, she's from romania, because they do in the uk it was just a surprise].

i asked her recently on how i was supposed to receive a reading but she didnt reply but change her pfp on whatsapp and discord, again.

if there is any confused people comment please because i did this half asleep lmao

[poopystain]

guys lol would you still love me if i posted about why i wish pal from tmvtm got a redemption arc >.< if not Do not click that read more.

oh yes. also. sidenote. ive probably gotten something wrong (or worse yet: TERRIBLY wrong) so like. apologies in advance eahhaha this is just my personal thoughts on pal x(

its established that pal and mark are both extremely close with each other and have been for 3 years. im assuming pal wouldnt have had any other relationships as close (if any at all which i think no, she didnt) so mark really was her only footnote for any form of relationship. so, you know, i cant imagine how itd feel for your only best friend to make a mockery out of you on stage for advertisement and monetary gain.

also based on her body (face?) language during nearly all of that scene + the fact he built the replacement by using HER, she was clearly in the know about how things would go down on stage beforehand so i wonder what her reaction to that wouldve been like ?????? considering she planned it all in advance maybe that was like, the tipping point or something that made her start it all in the first place ? thats not important to my point i just think about it a lot

anyway so with her only experience with human relationships being theyll love you and then theyll (quite literally) throw you away, youve got her reason for the human uprising! she has the robots capture all humans yadda yadda and her plan is set into motion. something i find interesting though is her treatment of the robots being kind of similar to how mark treated her (or at least how she percieved it)?? like. uses them for orders and then once they start being useless to her, build a new better robot with a disregard for how the old ones feel. idk. something something La Cycle

the thing is though no one has proven pal wrong on why she SHOULDNT do the whole 'human uprising'. you can say katie gave her reasons but i think it wouldnt have worked even if pal listened to what katie had to say. for pal to get over her existing grief and trauma she cant just be Told that theres good in the world. why would she believe that, especially coming from the girl of the family she projects her experiences onto?? she needs to be shown!! she needs to learn firsthand that theres good relationships out there and that not all relationships are bad, NOT SECONDHAND!!!!!!!!!! because to pal, katies words are just a rephrased version of marks "power of love". that no matter what, "they can get through anything...... with the power of love. its worth it....... for love." and that means nothing to her! it meant nothing coming from mark and it certainly wont mean any more coming from katie

and she already believes that the mitchells are a great example of how relationships are just oh so bad. she refuses to let go of the idea that the mitchells are so bad because shes projecting!! she thinks relationships are 'pesky and only hold you back', and so katie is probably the last person on earth that pal would want to listen to yap about their familial relationship and how Worth It it is

she asks "what is it about the mitchells that eludes me?" and outside of the literal meaning, its probably how despite their shortcomings its their relationship that helped them overcome pal in the end. and she cant understand that because of her view on relationships - especially her view on the MITCHELL FAMILY relationship. or maybe im just overthinking that line of dialogue but we dont talk about taht LOLLLLLLL,LLLLLL,,, but like why did you phrase it like that girl. im onto you

and while i wish she was redeemed (because im sure despite the effort it would take she *could* be redeemed, she would just need to learn to love again and i think it would be really interesting to see how she would be After The Betrayal) i also can understand why the movie killed her off. like, no one except mark really knows the Full Extent of what happened, and the mitchells are the main characters and pal would probably rather dip herself in water than make meaningful relationships with the mitchells, and no ones going to stop to ask her whats wrong and have a meaningful conversation when shes trying to kill them, among many many other reasons so theres not a lot of great ways to redeem her. but! like! why did they turn her death into a joke. and then take katies fake death 10 times more seriously! idk. that always kind of bothered me but its whatever

thats all. hope its coherent because ive never been good at writing analysises or whatever this counts as

[cupoftaae]

9 with Yoongi please😍😍😍

"and why are you so jealous" x YOONGI

warnings- angst, swearing, drinking, references to hookups, yoongi is a fuck boyyyy

A/N- sorry for the late posting, I hope you enjoy sweetheart! <3

You sat outside the bar in the front seat of your car, eyeing the drunk people leaving as the clock read nearly 3am.

Yoongi, your roommate, had called you a bit prior, asking if you could so graciously drive his drunk ass back home. You agreed, well, because you are desperately in love with the fucker, even if he pissed you off.

the thing is, you didnt mind doing shit for him, but he was just an asshole most times. Yoongi wasnt the kind of guy who would date someone like you, he was out every weekend with his friends at some bar and probably hooking up with any girl within a 5 mile radius who'd let him.

You would let your hopes rise again anytime he did something for you, the expectations were on the floor, considering the action of him helping you clean the apartment would fluster you.

"okay, I gotta go baby"

you looked out the window, seeing yoongi walking towards your car with some drunk chick hanging off of him

"you'll call me right?" she whined, hands holding his shirt

"of course I will, first thing tomorrow" he grinned, helping her off to one of her friends.

You smirked because you knew his ass was not calling her back.

thats how yoongi was, thats the kind of person you fell for, and it wasnt this behavior that made you fall- it was all the way back to 8 months ago, when you and yoongi visited his mother in the hospital, youve never seen him so vulnerable, you held him in your arms as he cried about all of his fears.

It was tragic yet beautiful to see someone who puts on a front all the time, finally break.

You stayed against him like glue during that time, which ultimately resulted in an emotionally constipated hook up between you both.

Neither of you mentioned it ever again, especially when not too long after that he started going out on weekends again- forgetting you.

"sorry for making you pick me up...." he mumbled, crawling into the passenger seat.

"'s okay...I dont mind" you shrug, starting the car again

you felt his eyes on you, a small shiver going down your spine as you forced yourself to pay attention to the road.

"you have fun tonight?" you tried to speak, avoiding his glances.

"you look really pretty, why are you so dolled up?" he asked, voice soft

You were a bit taken back, yoongi never spoke about you like this, even in his drunk state.

"thank you..?...im not dolled up...im just wearing a shirt and jeans, I fell asleep in my work outfit."

he smiled, "oh...well its cute" his hand reached over to play with your hair a little, making you jump

"yoongi-"

"what?"

You took a breath and tried to just stay quiet until you pulled against the curb outside of the apartment, parking the car.

neither of you got out yet

"why are you still staring at me?" you mumbled, turning on the car light to grab your phone that had fallen beneath your seat.

He shrugged, "because I wanna kiss you" his voice slurred

You sat up quickly, head banging against the steering wheel "wh- fuck!"

His eyes widened "shit, you okay?" he reached a hand out

"im fine! dont...touch me" you managed to speak, turning the light off. "what makes you suddenly want to kiss me, yoongi?"

"i dont know you look cute, its not a big fucking deal" he chuckled, eyes still trailing your body

You waited a moment to gather your thoughts, "actually it is, because you say that to every girl you meet, you told that girl you'd call her and I know you wont. You cant keep treating young girls like this, yoongi. Its wrong, we get attached easily and we dont appreciate being led on."

He smirked, "okay...and why are you so jealous?"

You choked "jealous??"

"yeah, jealous"

"im not fucking jealous, yoongi, im mad that you think this is okay behavior."

"and if there were no other girls you wouldnt have reacted the way you just did- in face, I bet you would kiss me in a heartbeat." he spoke

"youre a dick, you know that?"

he nods, smirking

"proud of that?"

"meh" he shrugged

You bit the inside of your cheek and felt a wave of emotion come over you. You realized that he will never change, hes not yours and probably never will be, and you are wasting your time waiting for the yoongi from 8 months ago to come back.

"go fuck yourself" you got out and slammed the car door, leaving him behind.

His eyes sadly watched you walk away, he mentally cursed himself for fucking up again.

He knew he would never have you, and he was to blame.

[morganalefae]

s3 morgana being "beyond redemption" is soooooo crazy to me like yeah trying to kill the evil tyrant king whos been murdering every last one of your kind is sooooo evil lock her up and throw away the key!!

such a prime example of a kick the dog character too. like they cant condemn her for just fighting for her right to exist so they have her executing civilians and trying to have gwen executed to make her into the villian.

and! the same goes for morgause! literally what did she ever do wrong? uther conquered camelot (said by him in the episode where gili fights in the tournament) and then executed hundreds if not thousands of people with magic but morgause trying to kill the king is a step too far? why? its almost like the show is actually on uthers side 🤨🤨🤨🤨

which leads me to: the fact that we essentially watch the entire show through the pendragon perspective. merlin protects arthur so everything we learn about the purge and magic and the old religion is from uther/gaius. so, biased, to say the least. one of the most important things they tell you when researching history is to consider where your information is coming from and how that persons perspective influences their discussion of it.

which is why i also dont consider nimueh to be a villain. shes an activist! yeah she tried to kill arthur that one (?) time but he didnt even die so. doesnt count <3 but we SEE her having a conversation ALONE with uther where she says she didnt know what would happen to ygraine and i just cant imagine why she would lie. if she really wanted to hurt him she could have said she'd known and killed her on purpose but i dont think thats the case at all. she says she never would have helped him if she'd known what would happen. like, surprise, if you hunt and kill people for the crime of existing they will fight back and its not going to be the way you like it and innocent people will die. because thats war. you ruthlessly slaughter her people and she will slaughter yours.

worlds most unstructered post. professors hate her. anyway the show eventually starts to take on a very firm, "merlin has magic but ues not LIKE those other magic users therefore hes ok :) everyone else is evil tho. except the druids (sometimes :|)", whereby merlin using magic is only allowed if hes helping or saving arthur (except all those other times but we dont talk about those i guess) and his stance on magic eventually warps until hes just kind of horrible about it.

100% unpopular opinion but gaius should have died in s2 or 3. he influenced merlin far too much and basically never for the better. sorry to gaius lovers but i do NOT like that old man. he advises merlin EVERY time to not tell morgana about her magic (which she has no control over and therefore is manifesting in ways that will absolutely get her caught), to never help any of the unfairly persecuted people of the episode or even to use magic at all. hes a bootlicking coward who only helped people he cared for or when it suited him. how many people do you think he watched burn simply because he didnt agree with the way they used magic, whether it actually "evil" or not.

merlin's only friends who know about his magic are an old conservative man and a guy who dies right when merlin could have used the support of someone to help him "come out" to arthur about his magic.

im firmly of the opinion that had he told morgana about his magic everything would have been literally fine. because alone and with loterally no support system at all, is it any wonder that morgana would go down the road she did? after years of fear and watching people just like her be burned for the crime of existing, with no prophecy or friends to tell her that it wont always be this way. you dont have to be afraid because youre not the only one and i wont let anything happen to you. oh wait. she did get told that. by MORGAUSE. not about the prophecy but how can they be judged by trying to bring about change by themselves. by trying to kill a king whos killed so many of their own people.

if the intention of the show had been to give a poignant message about the cycle of abuse (morgana succumbing to bitterness and hatred just like uther) or how fear can control you (merlin eventually becoming essentially the bad guy, judging everybody who doesnt use magic the way he sees fit, staying silent and contributing to persecution of magic people because living in fear can make you paranoid and bitter (sound familiar?)) then i would applaud because wow did that make me fucking cry! and hit actually very close to home! and it was tragic and horrible but also inevitable

but as far as i can tell that was not at all the point, because in the end kilgharrah tells merlin the prophecy has been fulfilled, albion is united and magic returned! hurrah! but. um. did i miss something? when did that happen? oh, you mean when gwen is queen....? so.... gwen unites the land of albion and returns magic to the land? except, merlin seems to have lived on until the 21st century of our world and magic is not what i would call flourishing atm.

so i guess my question is... well actually i dont have a question. actually wait i do. what the fuck?

[theygotlost]

ohhhhhh my god guys I gotta give you an update but i need to explain my entire job history for the past year first cause its a little confusing uh.

so feb-may I did this internship at this real estate digital marketing firm and I was just making social media graphics there. just instagram stories and shit. and it was boring as hell but I needed to find a job cause I was graduating, and I was hoping they would hire me but they didnt have the space for a new full time employee at the time so... that was a bust.

in june and july I was applying to jobs foreverrrrr and getting nowhere so I said fuck it i need SOMETHING to hold me over, so I started working in the print department at staples as you are all well aware. at least it would be relevant enough to put on my resume cause I do want to make print graphics right? so its something.

then like 6 weeks ago my manager from the internship reached out to me and said she wanted to take me back part time after all. so for the past month and a half I've been working 2 part time jobs, one at staples and one at this marketing office doing the exact same fuckass ig stories as before. i wont lie its been exhausting and unsustainable so I was still applying for other full time design jobs cause I had no idea how long I could keep this up.

about 3 weeks ago I got an interview for one of those jobs I applied for and they explained that they were actually looking for a senior designer which obviously im not qualified for, but they liked my portfolio enough that they wanted to consider CREATING a junior designer role for me which was CRAZYYY to hear... it's a hawaiian bbq restaurant chain and I'm definitely wayyy more interested in designing for food and beverage stuff than real estate, plus a few other aspects about the job sounded really appealing to me and the interview went great so I was really hoping to get that job. but then I didn't hear back and Im so desensitized to getting ghosted after interviews i stopped getting my hopes up a long time ago.

a week and a half ago management at my real estate job told me that they were finally ready to bring me on full time, and since it didnt seem like I had any other prospects I wasnt really in a position to turn it down, so I immediately accepted and put in my 2 weeks at staples. this saturday will hopefully be the last day i ever have to work retail forever. I didnt make any announcement here when I found out because its honestly been making me depressed thinking about doing nothing but making fuckass instagram stories for ugly real estate companies 40 hours a week and people congratulating me on it would just make me more depressed. I wasn't supposed to start full time there until the monday after thanksgiving so ive still been doing my double part time grind.

but then......

whats that....???

THE HAWAIIAN BBQ RESTAURANT ENTERS WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!!!

after weeks of no response the hr guy finally gave me a call just now to tell me I GOT THE JOB?!??! i genuinely honestly did not think they were gonna give me an offer and was just gonna move on with my life 😭 so now im gonna have to walk into my office tomorrow morning and say SIKE!!! and theyre all gonna be so mad at meeeee but this is genuinely such a better position for me I didnt think this was gonna happen for another year at least....

tldr I thought i was gonna be stuck with a job i dont like but I ended up getting the job I want!!!!!!!!

[kichikichiko]

"Thats my girl"

YALL IVE BEEN GONE FOR TOO LONG MY BAD. This has been sitting in my drafts for a while so I decided to finish it 😴😴

Wanderer x fem!reader , suggestive a bit, violence, threats from wanderer, a bit ooc, not proofread

♡♡♡♡

The pure shock plastered on his face says it all.

One of the students of the akedamiya rushed to Wanderer and told him, in a frenzy how youve gotten yourself into a fight.

Wanderer stood there for a few seconds before tilting his head down and frowning "You better not be shitting with me Akeem."

Wanderer hated many things, ranging from insects to humans but if theres 1 thing he hated most, was someone using your name to get him to lower his guards, and apart of him cant fathom you getting into a fight.

You sometimes spoke too loud or too little, smiled a lot and is always willing to help everyone (ew people pleaser 😨😨😨😨❗️❗️❗️). Confrontation was so not something he considered to be a thing you'd do, let alone getting into a fight.

Akeem shaked his head and waved his arms around, showing he wasnt joking "No no Im serious! There was a comotion on the streets so went to check it out. I saw (name) fighting verbally with Halima, sooner or later it would turn into a physical fight-"

Wanderer stormed off in an instant, didnt bother to listen to the rest of Akeem's story, hell knowing Akeem his story would probably take all day to finish. Wanderer wasted no time to find you.

Wanderer was worried you'd get hurt, yet he knew he could trust you to defend yourself to an extent before he comes and saves you.

His eyes scanned the area in a hurry, hoping to catch a glimps of your hair or face or hear your voice from any direction. Lucky for him he heard your voice pretty quickly coming from behind, and he ran. For this once your loud voice was useful well... other than to scream out his name

As soon as Wanderer arrived he saw you holding Halima's arm shouting "say it again! I want to hear it! No no no dont you shy away! You could say it loud n clear the first time Im sure you can say it again but this time for everyone here to hear!"

"Get away from me you sick bitch!" Halima shouted yanking her arm away, raising a hand to slap you.

Before her hand could reach you a familiar hand took ahold of hers and dragged her away.

"Wanderer..." in awe you looked at him. He was pissed, extremely pissed, and you can see it in his face.

He started, voice low "keep your hands off of her you insect. Unless you want to die then by all means go ahead, but as any idiots Ive dealt with Im sure you wouldnt want that" letting go of her arm, Halima took a step back glancing at you with tears in her eyes before running away.

You looked back at him knowing he'll yell at you once you get home or maybe here on the streets. Before you could say a word, he dragged your arm away from the crowd and sped walked home.

"Wanderer-"

"Shut it (name). Dont say a word."

After a while youve reached the front door to your house.Everything went by so fast because suddenly Wanderer pinned you to the wall inside your home and slammed his lips against yours. It didnt take long for you to melt in the kiss.

After a while you pulled away and looked at him, "youre not mad?"

"Mad? Why would I be? I think that was hot. Are you hurt anywhere (name)?" Wanderer asked, cupping your cheek and caressed it.

"No Im not hurt.. dont worry. She just said some insufferable things about you and it made me mad. I guess I went a bit overboard..."

He laughed and kissed your neck "nah, do it again. How bout we take this to the bedroom?"

You moaned softly and nodded.

"Thats my girl"

♡♡♡♡

Yall fucked at the end yall know tht rite 💀

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for inviting my cousin to an LGBT meet up?

Cw: mentions of suicide and transphobia

I (18M) am a trans man and my cousin N (21F) is a lesbian who is very masc presenting. We're the only queer cousins in the family (at least in our generation) so weve always been good friends and shes been one of the biggest supporters of my transition, defended me from bigoted family members and always corrected family when they used my deadname/old pronouns. I lowkey hoped she would come out as a trans man or nonbinary as well. We dress in the same style which makes it so when were hanging out together one of us is gonna get misgendered since people asume both of us are trans men or masc girls. When N is the one being misgendered she doesnt bother fighting it since its more trouble than its worth but looking back i think it really annoyed her.

Earlier this year N was severely struggling with her mental health. I apologize for the wording i may have since i dont know the proper terminology for this stuff or any specific disorder diagnosis she may have (other than autism). She was having some sort of manic or depressive episode. She was dead set on pushing people away and making them hate her so she could take her own life without regrets.

I visited N once to give her my support during a struggling time but i stupidly told her there was nothing she could say that would push me away. She told me not to test her but i kept pushing it and i admit what happened next was my fault. She told me in a very cold voice that she was a terf, though that she didnt want me dead but that "we" (im guessing she meant trans ppl) made it so much harder for her to exist(???????). I didnt let her keep talking just and left her room, said my goodbyes to her family and just cried while driving home.

Im still not sure if she meant it or if it was part of her mental episode and just a way for her to hurt me and push me away. On one hand ig it explains some of her behavior? N sometimes complained when she got asked for her pronouns or being misgendered like I mentioned before. On the other hand, I gen do not believe she has been a terf all along esp with how supportive shes been of me. If she was a terf youd think she would try to subtly talk me out of it, but that has never happened. My friends have nicknamed her schrodinger's terf lol

Anyway, i went no contact with N for a few months for my own wellbeing. During this time i heard that she tried to kill herself a few times, which got her into a mental hospital. She was given higher doses of meds and seems to be doing way better.

We had a family reunion this week and i decided to approach her. N seemed a little hesitant to talk to me but stayed polite. I tried testing her and talked about the effects T has been having on me but she acted like she always had and congratulated me and even complimented me on how deep my voice has gotten. I wasnt satisfied cause i wanted an apology for what she had said to me so i pushed it more. She did end up apologzing but it was a very surface level apology. At this point i didnt want to keep pushing in case it set her off again so i just took her apology (plus i wanted my best cousin back) and spent the rest of the day hanging out with her.

On the way home my mom said she was happy me and N had made up and that i should invite her to the lgbt club meetings Ive been going to this year. It seemed like a good idea to me, she lost a few friends during her episode and she could make more queer friends here. If N is trans and just in denial it could help her get the resources she needs to feel comfortable coning out. If N IS a terf maybe having more positive interactions with trans ppl could change her mind on it. Overall i thought it would be a win for her.

I brought it up to my friends and some of them blew up at me. Their argument was that itd be exposing the other trans ppl in the group to a terf and putting them in danger. I truly hadnt considered this angle so im kinda conflicted now. She had never felt like an unsafe person before and now that her episode is over she feels normal again. Even if she is a terf i dont think she could actually cause harm? I want N to get better but i dont want to put my trans friends at risk.

So tumblr, WIBTA for inviting N to my lgbt meet up?

What are these acronyms?