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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA Chapter 302: As the Todoroki Turns

Previously on BnHA:

Today on BnHA: We have a very fun chapter in which (1) Shouto grows up lonely on account of his parents being worried that his siblings will literally try to kill him, (2) Natsu and Fuyu grow up neglected on account of not being special and/or self-destructive enough to attract attention, (3) we get to revisit all of that exciting spousal abuse from chapter 39, and (4) Touya burns to death right on cue, pretty much exactly like we expected it to happen. Thankfully since this is a shounen manga, Horikoshi finds some hope in all this misery as the Todoroki family rallies together, with Shouto getting his long-overdue credit for being a perfect sweet angel who put up with all of this shit for sixteen years and somehow came out of it strong and kind and empathetic and determined. Anyway, so that flashback was a barrel of laughs. But now that it’s over, we can put all of that angst behind us, and move on to... well I guess, probably, more angst. Look, we’re short on variety at the moment. Bear with it.

ouch. we knew this was coming, but still

A+ parenting move there. “ho boy, our eldest just tried to murder our youngest, now what? hmm how about we isolate our youngest from all human contact”

though in their defense, we probably shouldn’t have expected this rabidly strength-obsessed fire man and his wife who was groomed since childhood to obey her family’s whims to have any idea of how to raise stable, well-adjusted offspring

SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS

this is a perfect example of Enji’s tragically self-revolving viewpoint right here. just because being a hero is your entire world doesn’t mean you can just excuse yourself from anything outside of that and act like it’s out of your control. “alas, all I care about is hero stuff and my son can’t be a hero, we are doomed to inhabit two different worlds” no you jackass, it’s called having more than one hobby?? figuring out how to spend some time with your son that doesn’t involve training?? the same exact thing you were telling him to do last week, while ignoring that you’ve never done that yourself in your life??

that said, yet again we have that complexity though because it’s obvious that Enji at least on some level is aware of his own flaws, even though he seems unwilling or unable to confront them. honestly, from what we’ve seen so far, Enji’s obsession with surpassing All Might might be more accurately called an addiction. he literally can’t let go of it even though he’s fully aware of how it’s slowly destroying his life. and so in the same way that a lifelong smoker or alcoholic might tell their child to stay away from cigarettes and booze, Enji tells Touya not to follow down the same path as him, even though he himself doesn’t know how to leave that path. so yes, it’s hypocritical as fuck, but there’s also an element of helplessness there as well because Enji literally doesn’t know how not to be like this

though all the same he sure could stand to put in more than just a token effort. but it is what it is, and we already know how much he’ll come to regret it

and meanwhile Baby Shouto has frozen his sleep bubble with his quirk lmao. so I guess his quirk did come in early. that’s a recipe for chaos right there

once again Shouto is ruining every single dramatic panel in this flashback

this was so dark and intense... and then I spotted the lil bubs in the corner. Horikoshi please control yourself

“some hero you are, running away” and then all of a sudden, “FIVE YEARS LATER” lol what. OKAY THEN

(ETA: love the confirmation that eight-year-old Natsu comes from the Iida school of puberty and is basically a fully grown man, and meanwhile Touya comes from the hobbit school of puberty and has been perpetually eight for the past five years.)

“HEY BIG BRO WANNA COME RECREATE AN ICONIC FLASHBACK SCENE WITH US. WE’VE GOT THE SOCCER BALL RIGHT HERE, BUT HURRY UP OR WE’LL BE TOO LATE FOR SHOUTO TO WALK ON BY AND STOP TO LOOK”

lol and that’s literally the next three panels. but Horikoshi did add this extra bit after Endeavor starts to drag Shouto away

seriously Enji what the hell did you expect was going to happen here. “Touya went nuts and tried to kill his little brother out of jealousy, so let’s make it clearer than ever that Shouto is the important child and all the other children are just rejects. this will definitely not make the problem 100x worse, and will surely lead to Touya giving up and living a happy life, having been emotionally abandoned by the person he admired more than anyone.” good for you pal you figured it all out. no need for that plan b, “we all just go to therapy”

anyway so he’s telling Shouto he can’t play because he needs more endurance training. and meanwhile Touya’s patented Todoroki Drama Genes are going through puberty as well

definitely the face of a happy, emotionally stable child who’s not still plotting to murder his younger brother in his sleep

“WELL ACTUALLY MAKESTE” lol I stand corrected??

apparently during the five year interim Touya actually stopped blaming Shouto and realized Enji was the one at fault. good for him! a bit inconsistent, given what we know happens later, but I assume we’ll get to that in good time

anyway. “yeah man I agree that dad sucks, but it’s the middle of the night and I’m only eight and you’ve been monologuing for the past two hours bro”

LMAO

the manga is making my jokes for me, only better. fine then

looks like someone’s still miffed about that disagreement he had with his baby sister back when she was like four

“Fuyu doesn’t get properly riled up like I want her to so ranting to her is annoying.” okay but having been in Fuyu’s shoes, it really is just a different way of coping, and I can guarantee she’s not as fine with the whole situation as Touya might think. but making your peace with something is often a decision that’s made for emotional self-preservation reasons. and I sure as hell don’t fault her for trying to shut out a situation that she had no control over, and trying to make the best of it, and scrape together as normal a childhood as she could manage

and now in Touya’s defense as well, that is of course easier said than done, and I’m sure if there was a “push this button and instantly get over all of the trauma in your life” switch readily available for Touya then he would have pushed it too. unfortunately it’s not always that simple

so now Rei is pleading with Touya not to go train up on his little emo hill again, but it doesn’t seem like much has changed since he was eight

I don’t think he gives two figs about being a hero; he just wants his father to look at him again with pride. fucking hell, stop doing this to me you damn Todorokis

guh, they keep telling him the same thing over and over again

even if we hadn’t already known he was gonna go melt his jawbone off soon, I wouldn’t have expected a line like that to go over well

yep. fuck

that Todoroki puberty angst, though. nothing else quite like it

“you have a part in this too, Mom” ooooooh man

okay but look, he’s not entirely wrong. like, I’m not saying any of this is Rei’s fault at all! she’s in an impossible situation where she’s afraid to stand up to Enji (who by this point has shown that he’s willing to physically attack her if things get too heated, which is terrifying), and doesn’t really have anywhere to turn for support. her parents aren’t helping much if at all, and Japan in general is just a terrible country to be in when you’re in a domestic abuse situation. everyone’s expected to put on a brave face and deal with their problems all on their own in private. Rei is basically completely isolated at this point, and she doesn’t know what else to do, and so she’s just trying to keep the situation as stable as possible for the kids

but on the other hand, “for the kids” is also where that argument starts to break down a bit, because at this point Shouto is also being physically abused by his father, and the other kids are continuing to be neglected (emotionally if not physically), as they have been for years. so the situation really isn’t stable at all for them. and as a kid, what you end up learning in that type of situation is that you can’t rely on either parent. not the abusive one, certainly, but also not the other one who can’t protect you from any of it. even if they love you and they’re trying, they’re just as helpless as you. Rei is struggling to deal with all of this with one hand tied behind her back, and I get it, and I’m not blaming her at all. but all the same, particularly given that she’s (understandably) putting almost all her focus on Shouto, the end result is that the other kids have basically been left to fend for themselves

so yeah! a shitty situation all around. and one of those cases where it’s not really anyone’s fault (aside from Enji’s), but I can understand the resentment Touya is feeling all the same. and I’m so glad Horikoshi is acknowledging this, because it’s something I probably would have been too uncomfortable to bring up otherwise. as it is it’s still an incredibly heavy subject, and one that I probably have too many personal feelings about

anyway, so once again the whole “we’ll try talking to him and then just shrug our shoulders when it doesn’t work” parenting strategy doesn’t really pan out for the Todoroki fam

sob this boy is Anakin Skywalkering before our very eyes. all that’s missing is AFO to come and start whispering in his ear. any minute now...

“anyway so then he got taller and his fire changed from red to blue”

guess we’re getting pretty close then huh. this is the part of the flashback that I really don’t want to see, but also unfortunately the part that I’m most curious about :/

oh for fuck’s --

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IGNORING HIM FOR FIVE YEARS DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM” sob. back to the drawing board I guess

I thought he got taller, why is he still only like a third of Enji’s height here

oh fuck me these are armor-piercing feels. this is the heavy artillery right here

ENJI I’M BEGGING YOU PLEASE STOP AND THINK FOR ONE MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE DOING SOMETHING YOU’LL REGRET FOR THE REST OF ALL TIME. your child just told you that he still thinks beating All Might is the only thing you care about, and that he believes his existence is a mistake unless he finds some way of doing that for you. please stop for a moment to contemplate that and choose your next words with care and grace and oh who the hell am I kidding

-- OR WE COULD JUST BLAME REI

go on and blame everyone but yourself then!! that’s a great solution!! jesus christ man I know this is Endeavor at his literal worst but still this is fucking hard to watch

POOR BABY SHOUTO IS YELLING AT HIS DAD NOT TO HIT HIS MOMMY THIS LITTLE BRAVE BOY NEEDS SO MANY HUGS OH MY GOD

AND MEANWHILE THE OTHERS ARE HUDDLED IN THE NEXT ROOM TRYING NOT TO CRY AH FUCK

(ETA: Fuyu covering Natsu’s ears cuts RIGHT TO THE CORE OF ME. Horikoshi if you’re really not gonna get these kids some therapy then at least consider giving your readers some. what is this.)

you know it’s bad when you’re starting to think the part where the kid burns to death might actually be a less traumatic thing to cut to right now

holy shit, actual Rei thoughts

“I was the one who ultimately made that choice” well there we go, wonder if that’ll put that whole argument to bed at last. I doubt it, but you never know. actually who am I kidding it’s not gonna settle jack shit lol

oh thank god, they decided it was getting too intense and cut away back to the present to narrate this next (final?) part

get ready to cue up that Alicia Keys. THIS BOY IS ON FIREEEEEEE

yeah I think that’s one thing we can mostly all agree on. neither of them had any clue what the fuck they were doing pretty much at any point. though I will say that the hypocrisy of him being all “WHY DIDN’T YOU STOP HIM” followed by him IMMEDIATELY DOING THE EXACT SAME THING is a bit rich

(ETA: and he still has this problem, doesn’t he? he froze up when Ending snatched Natsuo, and again when Dabi was attacking Shouto. he’s so afraid of doing the wrong thing that he ends up not doing anything, which of course is exactly what led to Touya’s death. damn Enji I guess you’ve still got some additional character development to unlock.)

and of course neither of them could possibly have known how badly it was going to turn out. like, the consequences here were WAY disproportionate even for the shittiest of parenting. no one expects “I didn’t know how to talk to my son” to snowball into “my son burned to death and then somehow came back as a villain and murdered thirty people”

ohhhhhhhh fuck me

LITERALLY INCINERATED THE ENTIRE HILLSIDE. fuck. and I am so not ready for the scene of Enji finding the remains of his jawbone afterwards. at least we were spared anything super-graphic (for now at least)

I feel like the timeline here is off, btw?? wasn’t Touya’s death supposed to happen after Rei got hospitalized? this might be the first actual retcon of the entire flashback. although I think it makes more sense this way tbh

I do appreciate that ten years later Enji is finally reflecting on the fact that if he’d just given up his stupid obsession he could have stopped his family from crumbling apart. that probably sounds sarcastic as fuck, but it’s not. there are countless jerks out there who would have still managed to find a way to blame literally everyone and everything under the sun except for themselves. at least he finally figured out how to take responsibility, even if it came too late to stop his son from dying and being radicalized into a villain terrorist organization

and speaking of, it seems to me we’re missing a third and final part to this little tale of woe, and one which only Touya himself will be able to shed any light on. so we’ll see how that goes

oh man seeing the other kids blaming themselves even though none of it was their fault hits hard af. Rei wasn’t kidding when she said they’d been bearing that burden of guilt far longer than Enji

SHOUTO I SWEAR TO GOD IF THE NEXT PANEL IS YOU APOLOGIZING FOR BEING BORN, I WILL... WELL I’LL BE VERY SAD, I GUESS. SO DON’T DO IT

oh good he’s just being quiet. good. it absolutely is not your fault lil bean. it’s not theirs either, but feeling guilty about things that aren’t your fault is a time-honored shounen tradition

goddammit I braced myself for the angsty Shouto panel a page too early. gotta do it all over again now lol. okay here goes

;_;

well well well would you look at that

imagine that. talking things out with your child before they make a rash decision. looks like the Todorokis’ parenting skills are finally leveling up

OH MY GOD

holy shit. this is the most quintessential moment of father/son Todoroki bonding in the entire series. for me it even tops the “nice scar” scene lol. Enji sobbing at the fact that he still has a chance to set things right. and Shouto offering his hand in what is actually the most mature and selfless gesture I’ve ever seen, and being all “we’ll stop him together” to his dad who he hates, but also doesn’t really entirely hate anymore. and all of that is incredibly moving... BUT ALSO HE STILL REFUSES TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HIM AND HE WOULD LIKE HIM TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING DRAMATIC ALREADY IF YOU DON’T MIND. “WHEN YOU’RE DONE CRYING...” fkjldsk

OH MY FUCKING LORD

(ETA: wouldn’t be a Todoroki drama fest if there wasn’t somebody listening in on the whole thing in secret just around the corner lmao.)

“you think we should have waited somewhere else?” “yeah, probably.” “are you feeling a lot of secondhand embarrassment too?” “god, you have no idea.” STFU HAWKS IT’S NOT EMBARASSING TO BE MOVED TO TEARS BY YOUR FAMILY ALL COMING TOGETHER IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR TO GIVE YOU HOPE THAT YOU PROBABLY DON’T DESERVE BUT ARE NONETHELESS INDESCRIBABLY GRATEFUL FOR

and anyway you chose these guys as your found family, bucko. too late to back out now. next time go get yourself adopted by the Iidas then

AND MEANWHILE NO WORD ON THE WHOLE “HOW DID A THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD SURVIVE A FIRE THAT COVERED HIS BODY WITH HORRIFIC SCARS AND MELTED HIS JAW OFF, AND HOW DID HE SOMEHOW THEN MANAGE TO GO INTO HIDING FOR TEN WHOLE YEARS, AND WHAT HAPPENED IN THAT INTERIM TO CHANGE HIS GOAL FROM ‘SURPASS ALL MIGHT TO IMPRESS MY DAD’ TO ‘KILL ALL HEROES TO MAKE MY DAD SUFFER’.” as if we don’t know the answer to that. but still, would it kill Horikoshi to just confirm AFO’s involvement in all of this already. at this point it’s basically just a formality

so here’s hoping next week we’ll either get that, or more Hawks action, or (DARE I EVEN SUGGEST, I’M AFRAID TO JINX IT) finally cut back to Bakugou and Deku and All Might omg. either way I’m hyped

#bnha 302 #todoroki touya #dabi #todoroki enji #endeavor #todoroki rei #todoroki shouto #todoroki natsuo #todoroki fuyumi #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #my sincerest apologies for this absurdly long recap which is barely funny at all!#THERE WAS VERY LITTLE HUMOROUS CONTENT IN THIS CHAPTER #congratulations horikoshi you win this round

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rahleeyah · 3 years

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sometimes i wish EO wasn't endgame, and honestly i love them but continue to be so on the fence about it all

the funny part is, i have no long-term resentful bone in my body, i can be mean and vicious and a bit vengefull but i could never be done with the love of my life, even after some of the shit we've gone through, some of the things i have felt and been made to feel, some of the things i have heard, some that hurt so badly but that i needed to hear

so i should understand olivia, i should understand how it is to feel unable to give up, to let go, to be done with someone, i should know that one look or move would be all it takes for my anger to subside, i also know that my rage burns bright and short and that i immediatly feel bad about it after because i don't want that to define me, to be how people and the person i love most remembers and knows me

but i feel vengeful for olivia, i feel like i need to protect her at all costs, and sometimes i am unwilling to believe that the one who hurt her the most is also the one who can make her the happiest, for some reasons that thought makes my heart ache, it makes me not believe in justice and i wish that elliot would just understand what it is she has been feeling her whole life, about people leaving, about her feeling she's not enough or, actually, too much

i can relate to olivia, i know how she feels because i feel it too, being too much and not enough at the same time is a burden to live with and i think, somehow, elliot tries to understand but he doesn't know and he will never know and sometimes, sometimes i just wish he could actually get into her head and her heart to finally, finally understand completely what is feels like

but the worse part is, the ones who actually don't understand are the ones the best equiped to heal you, because they try so much to get it that they do the work, they listen, they try and i know elliot can be that person, the one who completes her, who gets her in another beautiful way, who sees who she is, the real her, olivia

but sometimes i also want her to not be olivia all the time and to be selfish and to just say to hell with it and just take what she wants instead and not give it, give it, give it

so yeah, i wish they would end up together, but i also wish they wouldn't, i guess i will be happy and frustrated either way

Something I think is important to remember, when we talk about how Elliot leaving hurt Olivia, is that Elliot is also a person and Olivia knows this.

I don't think I agree with your thesis; is Elliot's departure the thing that hurt her most? No, I think Lewis did the most damage, emotionally as well as physically, bc he took away her control and her understanding of herself. Elliot's departure hurt but she wasn't in therapy over it. Sheila's betrayal hurt worse, I would argue. Bc Olivia didn't trust her but she wanted a family so goddamn bad she let her in anyway, and very nearly lost her son in the process, and blamed herself for it.

The thing is. What Elliot did, leaving, wasn't about hurting Olivia, and she knows this. He wasn't being cruel to her. He made a decision and one of the consequences of that decision is that she was hurt, but there are also positive outcomes with that decision. His family - the family both he and Liv have always put first - will be taken care of. He won't lose his pension, his reputation. He leaves his job on his own terms. Liv won't be dragged thru the mud alongside him.

Also!!! Remember!!! The part where he killed a teenager!!!! He is grappling with an actual serious trauma. And Liv knows this. Liv knows he wasn't trying to hurt her. He wasn't even being particularly selfish, imo; it's not like he wanted to go. Oh he could have answered the phone; ok well Liv knows where he lives and she's turned up uninvited to talk sense into him before. Why didn't she?

A) bc they're not real but b) I think she understands, on some level, why he had to go, and that she has to let him.

His marriage is not just an inconvenience to him. As far as he is concerned it is never going away; he loves his wife, he loves his kids, he believes in his god and the vows he has made, and he wants to be the man who stays. With that in mind it is kinder of him to leave Olivia than to continue to keep her in his orbit, bound to him and yet not ever his. He can't have her, and letting her go hurts her but it gives her the chance to maybe find happiness elsewhere.

You've pointed out that he does understand, better than pretty much anyone, exactly how Olivia feels, exactly how much she needed him, how she struggles with abandonment and feeling like no one wants her, bc she has told him more about herself, given more of herself to him than she has to anyone else and also he walked beside her for so long. They know each other. She knows his secrets and he knows her. So what makes him a threat? That he is the one who loves her most, and therefore is the one who can hurt her most?

The people we love most by default have the ability to hurt us more than anyone else, not because they choose to (yes, they know which buttons to press and which words cut the deepest but willfully inflicting pain for the sake of it is not love) but because they are so bound up in us. Their choices affect us more deeply than the choices of people we care less about. When you build a life with someone, every move they make has the ability to shake you bc you have the same foundation. It doesn't make them cruel. We have to learn to bend together.

The only way to protect Olivia from this pain is for her to never share her life with anyone else. If she doesn't depend on anyone she won't be hurt. If there's anyone who matters, tho, there is a risk of pain. That's life.

I hear you wanting to protect her and I fully get that but I don't see Elliot as a threat. Yes, his leaving hurt her. Yes, he could hurt her again. Anyone could. Anyone she loved, no matter who he was, could hurt her, bc she loves him and he could leave.

Their journey isn't over yet, either. We don't know how their coming together is gonna look. We don't know what kinda work they're gonna put in, what kinda conversations they're gonna have. So we don't know what this looks like.

And also. Fiction gives us a safe place to explore dynamics we maybe wouldn't want in real life and that's ok. Wanting them to be together in fiction doesn't erase your moral judgment, or your knowledge that you'd want better for yourself in a relationship.

So. Idk what to tell you, really. Your feelings are your own and you may just stay conflicted and that's ok!!! We all bring our own baggage to the table and sometimes we can't help but project our own feelings onto the characters, and sometimes that means we're gonna react differently to stuff than other people do. That's just human. I'm sorry if you feel you're struggling with this, but I hope that eventually you find some peace.

#anonymous #e.o

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fae-fucker · 3 years

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Zenith: Chapter 85-89

Chapter 85

We’re back with Dex because describing fight scenes is hard and we need Dex to notice that the Xen Pterans are shooting people with a “silvery substance.” What could it beeeee?

Dex contemplates abandoning ship, so to speak, but then Andi gets hurt and he’s like “oh no, my waifu!”

The shots were fewer, lessening to the point that he knew they had no time. That in seconds, he would probably be next.

But he couldn’t look away.

When she stood, somehow hauling herself up on shaky feet, Dex knew that Valen would die.

Because it was not Andi who rose, but someone else in her place.

The Bloody Baroness.

Wow, this is soooo coool you guys! I can’t wait until I get to experience this epic fight scene! I bet Valen, who’s a painter and a bitchass weakling, will have a hard time against the Bloody Baroness, the most notorious assassin space pirate in all of Adarlan Mirabel! It’s gonna be so cool!

Chapter 86

Andi gets shanked and passes out.

Oh and her crew get shot with Zenith.

I think this is the first time I’m gonna accuse a book of having a big mouth. What was the point of that, Shinsay? Only served to make your protagonist look like a chump. Even at her best and most ruthless Andi can’t hold her own.

In the previous chapters, Valen had been so bad at stabbing his father, who wasn’t even defending himself, that the guy didn’t die right away. But now he makes short work of the *~*Bloody Baroness*~*, Mirabel’s greatest and most fearsome space pirate? That’s embarrassing.

Chapter 87

Dex, the only one who’s allowed any agency because he’s got a dick, I guess, somehow reaches the stage unnoticed despite the chaos dying down. Convenient that Valen had to have a dramatic little stroll down the catwalk.

Dex notes that there isn’t any actual blood anywhere except the soldiers’ and that the Xen Pterans seem to be obeying Valen. Clearly we’re dealing with a genius here.

I also want to point out that in the previous chapter from his POV, he watched a man get shot in the head, and saw this closely enough to notice how a “silvery substance” splattered against a man’s forehead where the bullet had “gone in” and how the liquid was absorbed by his skin. Did he not ... notice that the man’s head wasn’t actually blown open? Or is this book implying that the man was shot and there was indeed a hole in his head, but he somehow ... didn’t bleed, and no brains came out the other side? Does Zenith have the power to stop that from happening somehow? Is the guy just walking around with a hole in his head now? Or is it meant to say that the bullet itself was semi-liquid and didn’t actually penetrate the skull and only splashed against the man’s head? If that’s the case, Dex should’ve noticed how weird it was then, not now. Ugh, whatever, man. We’re almost at the end.

Chapter 88

We’re back with Valen and find out that he apparently has a telepathic link with Nor, as he informs her that everything is ready for her arrival. We also find out that apparently, his torture at Lunamere is what unlocked the telepathy and also his “compulsion ability,” which confirms that yes, he was aware of everything, including his plan and true motivations, from the very start of the book.

So why oh why did he refer to himself as Valen Cortas throughout his chapters, in his very own head, when he always considered himself to be Valen Solis? How come he conveniently switched only when the “twist” was already revealed? Why did he never once think about the betrayal he was planning when talking to Androma? Because that would give away the plot twist to the reader, and we can’t have that!

But then don’t fucking make him a POV character, maybe? Because now it just seems like he’s, on some level, aware of the reader and is censoring himself somehow, which naturally makes zero fucking sense. His scenes contributed literally nothing to any of the plot, and their existence only highlights how manipulative and disingenuous the writing is. The chapters were literally only there to mislead the reader by way of lying to their face and withholding information.

This wasn’t a twist where everything suddenly made sense and made you realize the connection between seemingly unrelated details, this is a “twist” where the authors lie to you, insisting there is no twist, and then expect you to be in awe of their storytelling when they reveal their lie. It’s like a magician doing a disappearing act, but instead of using smoke and mirrors to distract you, they just have an assistant choke you out and then leave the stage.

Ugh, this makes me so mad.

Anyway, we find out that some people are immune to Zenith and have to be put down the old-fashioned way because they’re useless to Nor and her mighty empire. Valen does seem a bit sad about Andi being immune too and about having to stab her, which I’m guessing is a setup for a future redemption and/or side switch, but who knows and/or cares.

Valen notices that his father, Andi, and Dex are all gone, but assumes they won’t get away. How convenient that he’s apparently forgotten all about the many secret passages that his father has all over the place. Andi and Dex know about them, but he doesn’t? Alright.

Nor is arriving and Valen takes a moment to make another threatening speech to all the Zenith-zombos. It’s very dramatic. He asks the zombos who the rightful ruler of Mirabel is, and they’re all “Nor Solis,” and then he orders them to kneel and it’s very dramatic and evil and stuff.

The woman of the hour arrives and the chapter ends.

Chapter 89

We’re with Nor and she’s gloating about how wise she is for torturing her brother to near-death. Check a look.

She’d been wise to keep him in Lunamere for so long, tortured to near death. It had unlocked his compulsion ability, his true self. His birthright. That was when she had begun to visit him daily in his cell. Training him, guiding him, gaining his trust.

In case you guys forgot that she’s evil.

But also, is it just me or does this come off as Shinsay trying to retroactively justify their own twist. Like “yes she tortured him for two years but um, she also, uh, spent time with him, and visited him, and that’s how she gained his trust, so it makes sense why he’s on her side now!” Just say she brainwashed him. Y’all are clearly not competent enough to deal with the implication that she emotionally (and physically obvs) abused and manipulated him.

God, that’s what they’re gonna go for in Nexus, isn’t it? I mean I guess it would make more sense in terms of explaining why Valen is doing this, but I don’t trust Shinsay to handle this with any tact or care at all.

There are already implications of this happening, Valen seems to be under the belief that he’ll get an equal cut as his sister even as he recognizes that she’s glorious and powerful and whatever, but Nor straight up just thinks he’ll always be inferior to her.

Nor stopped herself from curling her lip at the sight of his figure. Too thin, too angular, too pained. No member of the Solis family deserved such treatment. But it had to be done, to ensure that his survival instincts would kick in, to force his powers to unlock.

She would reward him later for his loyalty, perhaps with a crown of his own. He was a prince of darkness. Her long-lost brother, finally come home to her side where he belonged.

But never her equal. She would rule alone.

I love how she doesn’t even try to justify the torture or blame it on her enemies with ye olde “my hand was forced.” No she just goes “oh no my poor abused brother ... had to abuse him for his own (but mostly my) best.” Stay classy, Nor.

Gosh, she’s just so evil, you guys! That’s why we spent countless chapters in her head, seeing her being all sad and Complex and are expected to sympathize with and/or understand her on some level.

Because she’s just evil.

Can y’all decide on what you’re going for here, Shinsay? No? Ok.

Anyway, Nor slits the throats of the former leaders of Mirabel, including, I assume, Lira’s aunt.

Fun times.

#eff reads: zenith

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catracorner962 · 3 years

Text

Beautiful Children Ch. 2

Warning this chapter contains a flashback with both Adora and Catra being abused physically, emotionally and mentally! If you do not want to read this feel free to skip the all italicized flashbacks. Sections are broken up by "---" marks at the center. Skip these sections if that abuse is not something you want to read. Adora's flashback starts with "E...everyone accounted for?" and Catra's starts with "Catra bit her tail, stifling a sob."

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“Let me get this straight,” Glimmer rubbed her temples. “Catra found a baby? And no one on this ship has claimed it as there’s?”

Adora nodded, holding the little infant to her. It has ceased crying and finally slept in the poorly made swaddle Bow had fashioned for it.

“Not one person?” The queen demanded.

“Honey,” Bow consoled from his place in the captain’s chair. He put the ship on auto-pilot and put an arm on his wife’s shoulder. Glimmer relaxed a little under this touch but eyed Adora sharply.

“And where is she now?”

“Who?”

“Catra!” Glimmer suppressed a hiss of irritation.

“Oh, she’s….she’s helping Perfuma and Frosta make people comfortable.” Adora couldn’t help a swell of pride in her chest.

“She is?!” Bow visibly gushed, “that’s sooo...cute!”

“Bow! Can we get back to the matter at hand?”

Bow nodded, regaining his composure though he glanced at Adora, beaming.

“You found a baby, and it doesn't belong to anyone here?”

Adora glanced down at the sleeping thing, baby, kitten, kit? What were baby magicats called? It’s little mouth puckered, sucking on nothing but hope for some milk. Her chest warmed, watching it sleep and gurgle. She held the kitten closer to her.

“No, I went around and asked twice. So did Catra, it doesn’t have any parents.”

“It’s parent’s mustive….” Bow’s look of joy diminished for a moment, “must’ve died in the bombs or…” he didn’t finish the sentence but Adora knew, her stomach churning with disgust.

They could’ve been chipped by the Brotherhood, we could’ve killed them….

Her fingers tightened around the blanket that held the baby.

“...and Catra said it’s a magicat? Like her?”

Glimmer asked more quietly, coming around to peer at the sleeping infant. Her face turned up in the slightest of smiles.

“She didn’t but it must be. It’s got ears and tail just like her.”

Glimmer reached out, touching one hand to its smooth cheek. A little too hollow for what should be a pudgy baby, but still adorable.

“How old do you think it is?” Bow asked, leaning over Glimmer to get a better look. Adora shrugged, adjusting the baby in her arms. It stirred, all three of them holding a collective breath. They watched in suspense, as it’s face scrunched up, brows furrowing. A short little mewl escaped it’s mouth before it settled back down, snorting a little and finally falling to silence.

It’s so cute, so precious. Poor thing.

She leaned down and placed a kiss upon its forehead, inhaling the smell of the battlefield and still somehow fresh life. Destruction and birth. Adora shuttered. Looking down at that new face, so oblivious to everything around it, content in sleep. Thick blonde eyelashes, pink little lips, perfect small brows, each finger curled into a little fist, it’s...

“Catra! There you are, get in here!”

Adora looked up, sucked from a daydream.

“We got any more food in this joint?” Catra glanced at Adora and made a beeline for one of the storage units in the cockpit.

“Catra,” Glimmer raced after her, grabbing her by the shoulders all but dragging her over. “This baby is it? Is it like you? A magicat? What do they eat, how old is it?”

Catra blinked, face drawn. Her eyes flicked from Adora, to the baby and back to Glimmer. She glared, folding her arms across her chest.

“There weren’t exactly any other magicats in the Horde!”

Adora watched her visibly flinch and moved to stand beside her wife. Holding the baby with one arm and putting a hand to the small of Catra’s back with the other. She stiffened but didn’t shy away.

“I just thought, since you are one….” Glimmer pressed, leaning closer to an ever flustered Catra,

“You would know! What they drink, how much sleep they need, how long they stay with their parents after birth?”

“Fuck should I know Sparkles?!” Catra’s tail bristled, “my parents abandoned me when I was a baby! Dumped me outside the Fright Zone in a fucking box. They didn’t want me and I don’t want anything to do with them! I don’t know shit about magicats and I honestly don’t fucking care alright?! Now where do you keep the extra food, we have people out there who need it!”

This baby needs someone to take care of it… . Adora thought

Glimmer stumbled backward, Catra’s ears pinned to the side of her head as she strode forward rummaging.

“It’s, it’s okay,” Adora began slowly, swaying from side to side as the baby slept. “We just...we’re trying to get more information so we can take care of it,” she reasoned, smiling looking at the little thing sleeping in her arms.

Catra stood stick straight, ears pricking up.

“Take care of it?”

Bow looked between them,

“What...what else are we supposed to do?” Glimmer asked quietly.

“Take it back to Etheria!” Adora announced.

“Leave it there!” Catra huffed.

Bow, Glimmer, and Adora snapped around, eyes wide. Adora swallowed her shocked gasp, adjusting the baby to lay against her chest, instinctively closer. Bow’s eyes nearly bulged from his head. Glimmer’s lips only tightened. Though the ship moved gracefully through the sky, everything else seemed to go still.

“.....L...leave it there?” Adora recovered lamley.

“But we already took off,” Bow offered, nervous, “we can’t turn around and leave it there on an abandoned planet.”

“Are you crazy?” Glimmer demanded deadpan. Catra snorted, pulling out tins of perishable food from the storage cabinet. They could be put into the re-hydrater in the kitchen and served in no time.

“We’ll find the nearest habitable planet and leave it there.”

Before Adora could retort the magicat turned on her nimble heel, arms full of food and punched the door lock with her elbow, all without sparing a glance at the little baby in her wife’s arms.

They exchanged a look after the door slid shut.

“Well….whatever we do with it, we better figure out fast. We’ll be back in Brightmoon by this time tomorrow,” Bow answered reviewing the flight map.

Adora mustered a nod, her heart sinking with pity at the little baby smooshed against her. It’s warmth radiated, the feel of it’s small form against her’s. Fluffy and light, so….trusting and pure somehow. Innocent.

She kissed the top of its golden head again, relishing in the touch. She closed her eyes,

Calm.

Serenity.

“Adora?...Adora! Earth to Adora!”

“AAAhh!” Adora screamed, Glimmer manifested before her surrounded by pink bubbly magic. She instantly bit her tongue, looking down at the peaceful baby. It’s face scrunched up once more, it’s little mouth turning to a frown.

“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay! It’s…”

“Ehhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!”

“Oh no, no, no it’s okay, shhhh,” she attempted to soothe, rubbing circles on its back and swaying to and fro.

“I was going to ask what you think we should do,” Glimmer began, even as Adora started to pace the small cockpit.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, walking rhythmically, feeling the baby’s tiny body expand each time it let out a pitiful wail. She should feel it’s lungs working overtime, it’s stubby tail twitched.

“Shhh you’re alright. You were having such a good sleep!” She cooed, patting its back.

“Adora?”

“Hmm?”

“I need to get out there and help the others,” Adora could sense the lack of patience ebbing at the queen’s voice. She may have larger duties to attend to, other priorities but Adora could only think of one thing at the moment. The thing that cried into her ear, the thing with little fingers grasping at her skin.

“I know, it’s...it’s okay, I can take care of the baby. You go see how everyone else is doing.”

Glimmer bit the inside of her cheek before she could verbalize any rebuke.

Probably something about SheRa and babysitting duty, Adora guessed.

“I need to go assist the others. Once it’s asleep come find me. We have lots of people we have to figure out where they are going once we get to Brightmoon and make sure they have all necessities. And we will want to question some of them about the brotherhood. Just...just come find me as soon as it’s asleep okay?”

Adora nodded,

Hope it takes a while, that way I can spend more time with them, she thought fondly, continuing to rub circles over it’s back. Her hands knew the repetitive motion well. Catra continued to get nightmares at least three times a week.

Glimmer stared at her a few more seconds before shrugging and going over to give Bow a quick kiss. The door opened, then slid shut again, and Adora was left with the small kitten.

---

“E...everyone accounted for?” Adora wheezed, rubbing the bruise on her left cheek. Rogelio growled, nodding from where crouched, rubbings his tail.

“I...I think so,” Kyle panted, he moved mechanically on his hands and knees, wincing as he picked up his staff and collapsed it into his holster.

Adora looked around the area, scanning the large circular room for any splattering of blood or broken equipment. A large black screen loomed down over them from the right side wall. Even without Hordak’s impossing image, Adora’s stomach tied in knots. He didn’t need to be on the screen in order to see them.

We failed, she sniffed, fighting tears. She rubbed them away with the back of her hand, the skin red and hot.

Probably burnt.

She fought another round of tears.

No. Don’t cry. Shut up. Who else is left, who else is hurt? You are not what’s important right now.

Adora swallowed the tight lump in her throat.

“Catra? You okay?”

“Hmmmph fine,” the younger girl answered, she licked at her right forearm. Face stuck in a scowl.

“Lonnie?”

Adora crouched down to see under the metal beams.

“Lonnie you okay? I saw you really took that last hit hard!”

She held her breath, anxiety hinging on the other girl’s answer.

“I’m okay.”

Adora deflated with relief, watching Lonnie limp out from behind one of the metal beams.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Must’ve banged my ankle.”

Adora glanced down at the cadet’s red boot. It wasn’t falling off, her limp wasn’t that bad.

“Okay. Just take it easy I guess.”

Lonnie eyed her with quiet resolve but nodded and slunk over to Rogelio.

“Adora! Get up!”

Adora sprang from her bed that evening, heart hammering in her chest, body suddenly drenched in a cold sweat.

Two vacant white eyes, soulless and blank stood over her.

“Sh...Shadow Weaver!”

“Shh! Do not wake the other cadet’s. Come with me now.”

Adora nodded, still shaking. Rising from her bed. She spared a look over her shoulder. The top bunk still appeared to be occupied.

Good Catra’s still asleep.

It wouldn’t be the first time Shadow Weaver had woken her at some immeasurable hour only for her to find Catra restrained in the Black Garnet chamber to teach the two of them “a lesson.” Adora put a hand to her chest, trying to calm her heart as Shadow Weaver led her down the empty echoing halls of the Fright Zone.

“Umm...Shadow Weaver... where are we going?”

“Shhh! Did I permit you to speak?”

The sorceress demanded without turning towards her. Adora sunk her head low. Allowing her golden hair to hide her face.

“No ma’am.”

The sorceress nodded, motioning for Adora to come with her as they rode down one of the many elevator shafts. Adora stood silent, straight.

Don’t ask questions.

Only speak when spoken to.

Follow orders, don’t disobey.

You’ll be punished.

Or more accurately, Catra would be punished.

The elevator stopped, Shadow Weaver exited, gesturing for her to follow. With dragging feet Adora continued down the lengthy hall. The red emergency lights cast an eerie glow. Illuminating the walls.

“Infirmary,” with an arrow pointing further down the corridor.

Who’s in the…?

They stopped, Adora craned her neck to see through the glass window, into the sick bays.

“Who is that?” Shadow Weaver pointed one grey finger at one of the beds.

Adora jumped up, trying to see, then gasped.

Lonnie?!

“Who is that cadet speak quickly!

Shadow Weaver demanded, leaning forward. Shadows rippled from her robes.

“Lonnie! It’s Lonnie! Is...is she okay?”

“I don’t know cadet, you tell me! She was in your training exercise this morning.”

“I ...I know!” Adora spluttered, ringing her hands through a lock of hair. “She...she was! She took the last hit from one of the bots! I asked her if she was okay but….”

A shadow leapt from the sorceresses robes, Adora shrieked, flinching as it zipped toward her, through her fingers and into the strand of hair she fiddled with. It sizzled and smoked, a fowl stench filling Adora’s nose.

‘Don’t play with your hair!” Shadow Weaver thundered, “look at me! Lonnie is in your squad! You were in charge of the drill. She is hurt.”

“I...I know!” Adora’s voice cracked, tears pressing at her eyes. She wrung her fingers together watching nervously as the shadow drifted through the piece of hair, pulling it back, against her head. She pinched her eyes shut in discomfort at the tense yank of her scalp.

“Adora!”

Shadow Weaver crouched over her.

“I...I asked her if she was okay! I asked her if it hurt! She said it would be fine!”

“And you took her word for it?”

“Y...yes!” Adora broke down in sobs.

“Why didn’t you bring her straight here?”

“I….” she looked up, over at where Lonnie lay asleep on a cot. “I didn’t know,” she whined, tears streaming down her face.

“She had to be bright here on stretcher, after waking some other cadets earlier. Crying in pain Adora and now she’s out of commission for a week while the leg heals. A week!”

“I...I’m..s...s...sorry!”

Adora’s chest cracked with guilt.

Poor Lonnie. She was in so much pain! She should’ve told me! I should’ve helped her! I should’ve made her get it looked at!

“Lonnie is in your squad. You protect people in your squad Adora. That is the job of a leader. Protecting people and making sure they are not harmed. You must always look after those in your care. Who’s fault is this?”

“M...mine,” Adora whimpered. A hot runny line of snot snaking from her nose. “Louder cadet!” Shadow Weaver snarled. Her shadows rising around her.

“Mine!” Adora shrank back against the wall. “It’s my fault Shadow Weaver! I should’ve kept a better watch on her, I should’ve made her show me the wound. I...I should’ve protected her more!”

“Very good Adora,” the shadows dissipated.

“While Lonnie’s out you will take over her latrine duty for the next week.”

Adora knew better than to show objection on her face. She only sniffled, pulling up her shirt to wipe her nose, wishing she could bury her face inside it forever.

“Y...es Shadow Weaver.”

“And?” The sorceress asked.

Adora drew a shaky breath, finally managing to meet those gaping eyes.

“Th...thank you Shadow Weaver. For teaching me. For this lesson. I’ll...I’ll be better.”

“Indeed you will.”

The sorceress took off down the hall once more. Leaving Adora in the black cold hall. She watched Lonnie sleep until she too dozed off, curling up on the metal floor.

I’ll be better.

I’ll be better at protecting.

Protecting Lonnie….

Protecting Catra

---

“Thank you Shera, thank the stars!” Adora grinned awkwardly at the woman, helping her sister to wrap the elder in a blanket.

“We’ll be on Etheria soon.”

The woman nodded eagerly, but the exhaustion was not lost on Adora.

She parted ways with the family giving a nice pat on the shoulder and moving along down the rows of people now displaced from their town. The baby had finally gone back to sleep, after walking herself dizzy.

“Adora!” Glimmer’s sharp voice found her through the throngs of people.

“Glimmer hey! Sorry the baby took longer to get down than I thought.”

The queen smirked,

“They usually do. But you should go rest for the night you look beat. We can...we can talk infant stuff tomorrow before we land.”

“That’s okay!’ She waved Shera’s glowing, gauntlet hand. “I can do more! I haven’t finished passing out the blankets! And… and people are wanting to know where they can make a new home once on Etheria! That family over there…” she gestured to a family of five, “they lost their house and their shlooping business! We’ll need to help them get back on their feet! I need to find out what shlooping is!”

“Adora,” Glimmer “it can wait. We have plenty of volunteers to help with supplies and there is a whole team already in Brightmoon working on helping people once they arrive. Please rest. You need to rest.”

She’s right. Once I transform back I’ll be exhausted, her mind whispered to her. She learned the hard way that while Shera could heal herself no problem, the Adora of afterward still felt fatigued and sore.

“You sure?”

“Yes,” Glimmer gave her a grateful sigh. “Please go rest. I’ll see you in the morning.” Adora nodded, leaning down to give her friend a tight hug. One large hand rubbing her back.

“It’s been a hard day for you too! You should also rest! If you need me to be on flying duty so you an Bow can get some time together…”

“That’s what autopilot is for,” Glimmer gave her a knowing wink, slowly withdrawing from the embrace.

“Goodnight, Adora.”

“Goodnight Glimmer.”

---

Adora slipped into the room with practiced stealth, holding her breath at the sliding door as it closed. She turned, taking in her and Catra’s tiny room on the ship. A storage compartment, galley bathroom off the side one plain table where Adora placed her sword and one large cot. If by large you meant barely enough for two women. She sighed, breathing out the day, her body rippling with the transformation from glorious warrior woman to…

Just Adora.

She straightened, closing her eyes and rolled her neck through the dulling ache in her joints. It was inevitable now everything she changed back to herself. But it was worth it of course.

Adora changed, quiet as could be. Tip toeing around the confined space to pull off her jacket and into her simple nightwear, a white little gown that Bow got for her last New Moon Day. She let her hair fall down, cascading around her shoulders in straight blonde locks and edged towards the bed, smiling. Cramped as it was, the little room did offer a perfect view of the stars before them. The entire ceiling and one of the walls made of pure glass. The eternal stream of stars glistened against the purple black of the universe, bathing their room in a cool tranquil shade of deep indigo shadows.

Catra rustled from her place on the bed, eyes slits of glowing gold and blue in the night.

“Sorry! Did I wake you? I tried…”

Adora crouched over her, the woman only smiled sleepily shifting beneath her. Adora shivered feeling Catra’s tail wrap around her leg.

“Mmmm no love,” Catra rasped through half conscious daze. Adora couldn’t help but feel her heart skip a beat. Of course she treasured every moment with Catra but this….these sleepy half-awake moments might be her favorite.

She’s so soft when she’s sleepy.

Most people only knew Catra as prickly at best and outright aggressive at worst. Even towards Bow and Glimmer Catra retained her aloof pessimism but here, cloaked in darkness, she was always able to reveal the truer deeper parts of herself. A part of her only Adora was privy to. The Catra that purred, the Catra who sang to her, the Catra who could be so vulnerable and soft and even sometimes romantic. Only in the darkness, only in secret, only with her.

Been that way since we were kids. Just the two of us huddled up in my bunk terrified of being caught. Risking it all the same.

Of course except the night we did get caught….

Adora’s stomach tightened at the memory, her hands clutched at the sheets, she bit her lip.

You should’ve thrown the blanket over her, lay down on top of her the second you heard footsteps! You should’ve pushed her off like every other close call! If you’d been more alert Shadow Weaver wouldn’t have caught you. She would’ve dragged Catra by her hair to the Black Garnet Chamber and…

“You gonna kiss me or what?”

Catra’s low voice purred, carrying Adora from that terrible night. She obliged, leaning down to kiss her on the lips. Warm and smooth, her breath full and humming. Adora almost fell on top of her, though by the way she purred, it’s not like Catra would probably mind. Adora kissed her again, this time longer, running her fingers through the brunette’s hair.

“Mmm you smell nice, like Shera,” Catra murmured, planting more sweet delicate kisses on her lips.

“That’s why you married me isn’t it?” Adora whispered, returning her kisses. She let her hips drop lazily against Catra’s. Her wife let out a hitching gasp, one hand coming up to caress Adora’s cheek. She drew back only slightly, breath whispering across Adora’s lips.

“I married you for power. Being Shera’s wife? You can’t get any higher up then that.”

Adora giggled, her fingers carding through the messy brown hair towards Catra’s ears.

“Are you sure?” She teased, allowing her hips to roll over the other woman’s. The scratchy gray blanket easily gave with the weight and Adora raised her brow as Catra let out a loud satisfied humm, her heavy lidded eyes closing.

“Mmmsure.”

Adora’s smile widened,

I could watch her like this forever.

She kissed Catra once more, this time deeper, breathing her in. Tasting her.

Close your eyes, relax, un-tense your shoulders. Let this calm you. Let her make you happy just the way she is.

Adora sighed into another kiss, undulating her hips again. This pulling a husky moan from Catra who tightened her grip on Adora’s shoulders. Her claws retracted, thankfully.

“Don’t start something you don’t intend to finish,” Catra breathed, planting kisses all along Adora’s jaw.

“Oh I fully intend to. Finish that is. Get it?”

Catra rolled her eyes, but her back arched upward hips thrusting into Adora’s. She kissed her fervently, lips tracing over the mark of the Heart of Etheria. Adora groaned, inpatient. She carelessly tossed the flimsy blanket to the ground and leaned over Catra, her hair creating a golden curtain around their faces. She thrust again, their hips bumping through thin nightclothes. The arm that wound through Catra’s hair now reached downward, running over the contours of her wife’s lithe sides, over her jut of her hip bones to the slight bulge of her stomach and lower.

“A...Adora,” Catra whimpered, kissing at her neck her fingers clutching to Adora’s back.

“I….I...should go check on the baby,”

“What?” She felt Catra stiffen against her.

“I think I heard it crying,” Adora protested, withdrawing her hand from it’s position right above the line of her wife’s pajama pants.

“I have better hearing than you,” Catra grumbled, ears pinned backward to her skull. “I would know if it was crying. It’s not crying. Even if it is, who cares?”

“Who cares?” Adora cried, gaze turning fierce. “Catra it’s alone and abandoned on this ship with no family. No parents! What if it needs something? What if it’s in danger?”

“Who cares? I care! We’re all alone on this ship, finally! What if I need fucking, what if my labito is in danger?!”

“I….I just need to check real quick I promise!”

Catra changed tactics, sitting up and kissing at Adora’s chest, at her breasts through her slim nightgown. Hands coming up to rub circles over her sides.

“There are plenty of people on this ship,” Catra’s voice fell back to it’s lazy slow rasp. “Let Bow or Sparkles or any of the other princesses or volunteers take care of it.” She kissed Adora’s sternum, nibbling a little at the silk gown.

Glimmer and Bow probably moved it from the cockpit where I laid it down to sleep. Who knows where they put it? Bow wouldn’t endanger the baby. He’d put them somewhere safe. But where? It could be crying right now. From all the way across the ship tucked into some compartment? Even Catra’s hearing isn’t that good!

“We’ve been fighting and going for days. You’ve been taking care of all these people. Let me take care of you now okay?” Catra asked softly, she held Adora’s face with her hands, fingers carefully rubbing into her wife’s temples.

“I just need to see the baby and make sure they are okay!”

Adora tossed her head from Catra’s grip.

“Adora!”

Her pupils narrowed to tiny slits in the dark.

“No Catra. We found it, it’s our responsibility.”

“No it’s not! What are you….”

Adora jumped from the bed, getting her jacket.

“Adora it can wait! Please! There are other people who can…’

“No it can’t! I have to do this. Just...stay here! I”ll be back soon. Then we can do whatever you want.”

Adora punched the door key, dashing down the dark corridor.

---

Catra bit her tail, stifling a sob.

Can’t wake Adora. Not again.

In a fog of half-consciousness the little magicat’s tears ran down her face. Her little bum ached against the shabby cot. Long worn from years of use and reuse. She shivered, her thin coat of fur doing little against the dank bone chill of the Fright Zone barracks.

She heaved for breath,

It was just a dream. A...a nightmare...it...it’s okay.

She let go of her tail, laying down carefully and stuffing her face into the fraying pillow. Her body trembled with chill, her head stuffy from sleepiness combined with her snotty cries. Her eyes burning.

Don’t wake Adora.

Shadow Weaver will get mad.

Go back to sleep.

Her belly squirmed with hunger. That relentless pain, combined with her nightmare of Beast Island had awoken her.

Catra heaved for more air, choking through the wracking sobs. She kneaded at her own tummy.

Don’t cry. Hold your breath. Don’t cry! Don’t…

“Catra!”

“AAAAHmmmmph!”

The magicat’s alarmed scream cut short as a tendril of shadow magic sealed her lips shut.

“Do not wake the other cadets. Come with me.”

Catra let out a whimper, scaling down her bed. Adora slept soundly beneath her.

Good, she won’t wake up and try to be the hero.

The magicat followed Shadow Weaver from the sleeping quarters down the halls to the Black Garnet Chamber. Despite the spell, silent tears streamed from Catra’s eyes. Her fur bristling.

She’s going to hurt me, she’s going to hurt me. She heard me crying and she’s going to hurt me or say I can’t eat for another day.

No, no, no no, no no.

They stepped into the harrowed chamber, the door slamming shut.

“If I take that binding spell off of you will you continue your yapping?”

She shook her head furiously, gasping as the shadow removed itself from her mouth. She heaved for air, tears trickling.

“I said quiet!” Shadow Weaver snarled, seizing Catra’s skinny arm in a vice grip, forcing her to her knees.

“Why were you causing such a fuss?!”

Catra opened her mouth and let out a wail.

“Answer me!” Red electric magic pulsed in the sorceresses palm.

“I….I had a bad d...dream!” Catra managed through her tears. “I was on Beas...beast...beast...beast island and...the...there were phookas...and and and…”

The fingers around her wrist tightened, sharp nails digging in.

“Ow! I had a nightmare! And...and ...and I woke up...it was cold and dark! AndI was hungry and ...th...thirsty! I ...was thirst…”

The smack cracked, worse than magic across her face. The back of Shadow Weaver’s hand burning through her cheeks and over her nose in a swift sharp pain.

“Ahhhhhhh!!” Catra shrieked, hands flying to her face, covering her throbbing nose.

No blood...n...not this time…

“You were thirsty so you began to cry waking the others?”

“I didn’t!” Catra tried, little fists balling. How quickly hurt hardened to rage.

“You could have! Hear me now you little brat you are to keep silent. Especially at night. Some of the cadets among you have potential and they cannot achieve that if they do not get their rest. If you are restless and awake at night keep it to yourself.”

“I was thirsty and hungry!”

Shadow Weaver’s magic crackled close to Catra’s aching face. Sending a fresh round of tears flooding her eyes. She pinched them shut, trying to keep them from leaking out into the sorceress’s view.

“Then starve! Do you think I care what happens to you at night or otherwise? You lost your meal privileges for keeping Adora from her chores. You will keep your needs and wants to yourself because they do not matter. This is an army not a nursery. Your malcontent is selfish and no one’s problem but your own. Be silent. Do you understand me?”

“Mhm,” Catra sniffled refusing to meet her gaze.

“Speak up you little wretch. Or I will make you speak.”

Panic fluttered through Catra’s heaving chest.

“N...no! I...I won’t I promise! I won’t cry at night. I’ll….I’ll be quiet...I’ll be good.”

The sorceress turned, casting a cold glare over her shoulder.

“We’ll see about that. Now get back to the barracks. And don’t even think about scratching the walls on your way. Or I’ll have you de-clawed again.”

Ice formed in Catra’s gut. She clutched her right hand to her chest, tucking it in so Shadow Weaver couldn’t see the still healing claws protruding at her fingertips. Her chest pricked with the agony of that particular ordeal.

“I...I won’t! I won’t!”

“Good. Then get out of my sight.”

Catra sprang forward, dashing on all fours out of the chamber. She hurried back to the barracks. Creeping quietly past the rows of bunk beds.

Good, Adora’s still asleep.

Catra noted the little blonde girl. She’d kicked her blankets off in her slumber. The magicat climbed up to her bed, pushing her sore face into the scratchy pillow. Trying to calm herself.

“Pst, Catra. You awake?”

Oh no.

“I’m fine, Adora go back to bed!”

As usual her friend would not be deterred.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I thought I saw Shadow Weaver leave with you.”

“I’m fine idiot just go to sleep!”

Please, please go back to bed, she’ll hurt me again if you don’t keep quiet. please . Please just sleep.

“Catra are you really, really sure?”

The magicat didn’t answer again. Nor did she ever answer from then on whenever Adora climbed up to her bunk to ask if she was okay after another midnight beating. She learned how to lick her wounds in silence. Rub her tummy without scratching through her shirt, swallow her parched throat without coughing. Stealth was one of her more animalistic qualities by nature. From that night forward Catra learned to cry so no one, not even Adora could hear her.

---

The baby was safe.

Adora found them sleeping soundly where Glimmer had tucked them against one of the corners of the main sleeping areas. Swaddled in a lilac purple blanket. Adora crept among the sleeping refugees only to nearly sob in relief upon seeing the little thing. It’s lips sucked soundlessly for milk that wasn’t there. It’s tiny tail curled as much as it could around its stomach. Adora had undone the swaddle blanket, to redo it herself.

Glimmer might have tied it too tightly. Not that she can’t take care of babies, of course she can. But I better check, just to make sure they are comfortable.

Sure enough the little kitten did not make a peep.

Adora reached forward, holding them in her arms, tucking them against her chest. Unable to resist the urge.

They look like Catra when she was a kitten.

Adora recalled fondly. That day, in hindsight was one of the happiest days of her life. When a little box was brought to the nursery and inside huddled a very emaciated little kitten. Angry and hissing. So adorable.

But from day one Shadow Weaver hated her. I...I couldn’t stop that hurt. I couldn’t protect her.

“But I can protect you,” she whispered into one silken ear. “I’m going to take care of you.” She rocked the baby back and forth. Their small fresh breath tickling her chest. Their weight just right in her arms. Adora hummed gently, swaying and bobbing to soothe them.

“When we get back to Etheria I’m going to keep you..”

The magikit gurgled in response. It’s eyes opening a sliver of pale blue in the moonlight. Adora felt her heart melt. She gazed, smitten down at the perfect bundle. She kissed their cheek, infant fir still a fuzzy coating over their skin. Adora breathed it in, sighing. There was nothing else in the universe at this moment. Nothing so absolutely perfect. Nothing so treasured as the kitten she held. Overwhelming, terrifying and all consuming with devotion.

I can do this. I can protect them. I can care for them. I can be there for them. Be what they need. And Catra, she’ll make a great mother too. She just needs to get used to it. This...this is something I can do. Not a battle for Shera to win. Something for me, Adora to do. Something I have to do and this time, I finally want to do.

Something glowed, Adora glanced down, mouth parting in astonishment. The Heart of Etheria still etched into her chest glowed with blue light.

She shivered, spine threatening to melt, the sensation of Finn’s little fingers carefully grabbed at the mark as if to pull it from her skin. She watched their eyes widen in fascination, gleaming brilliant blue with the light. They flexed tiny fingers, pressing into her chest at the mark of the Heart.

Adora laughed, giddy, lifting them up over her face. “I’m going take care of you Finn,” the name bubbling to the front of her mind as she kissed them all over.

“I promise.”

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asphyxiateher · 3 years

Text

Only Monsters Come Out At Night

Chapter Four: The Ties that Bind

Summary: Desdemona receives a warning from Lady Dimitrescu before she sets off to spend time with Cassandra. Veronica is alive but just barely.

A/N: This chapter is longer than anticipated, I tried to be descriptive without being too wordy but alas, I hope you enjoy anyway.

Desdemona Hawthorne wishes she could convince herself that she does not believe in luck because it’s a flimsy excuse that most people fall back on to justify the unfavorable circumstances they may find themselves in. Growing up in the suburbs, she had heard all kinds of non-sense about how putting enough positive thoughts and energy out in the universe would grant you the gift of receiving everything you have ever wanted in return. Desdemona isn’t quite sure how to describe her current predicament, but she is certain that even vomiting rainbows and shitting out sunshine would not be enough to get her out of Castle Dimitrescu. No, this is the rotten luck she’s grown accustomed to having follow her around and it had tainted this vacation from the beginning. She just wanted to see the castle that inspired Dracula and learn about its history so she could say she went out there to pursue a seemingly impossible dream and made it come true.

Desdemona did not come out here to be imprisoned by three monstrous vampires who either wanted to kill her or fuck her, she couldn’t tell which they wanted to do more of at this point, so this whole unnerving, unpleasant experience warranted a refund. She had been expecting a tour guide and a group of fellow tourists when her group made it up here but instead, here she was stuck in a foul-smelling, subterranean cellar that was currently occupied by her and the three vampiric sisters she mentioned earlier. The eldest sister, Bela, stood in front of Desdemona protectively as she attempted to swat away at her sisters that were now slowly approaching them with raised sickles. “She’s mine, you delusional twit! She gave me something that was clearly important to her, that means she has declared herself to me!” Bela hollered, hissing when Daniela swung her sickle at her. “Bela, you selfish brat, you’re always sucking up to Mother and trying to be better than us at everything, but she told you to share! I am sick and tired of being given the leftovers; sometimes I want the first bite, you know!” Cassandra whines, transforming into a massive ball of insects only to instantly appear by Desdemona’s side. “Cassandra, you know how it is with Bela; we do all the work, and she takes all the credit! Let us humble our dear sister and take what is rightfully ours.” Daniela snarls, a dangerous glint in her eyes as she flicks her gaze over to Desdemona. She licks her lips and moans when she takes in her prey’s scent, her fear sweetening her blood.

Desdemona was at a loss for words the moment Daniela expressed her clear distaste for her sister’s arrogance. It was not only what came out of her mouth that perplexed the human, but it was in the manner of how she complained to Cassandra about Bela. The whole unsettling conversation between the siblings made Desdemona feel like they were ready to tear her apart so they could divide her evenly between the three of them. In hindsight, she probably should not have given any of the sisters a gift if this was going to be the reaction, but had they all been here the other day, maybe she could have given them all a little something to remember her by at the same time. However, this little opportunity could prove to be beneficial should the women begin tearing and clawing at each other rather than her. Maybe this is where they shred each other apart and Desdemona might have a fighting chance at making it out of here after all. She needed to find out where this was going fast and if she was going to need to take cover.

“Daughters, what is the meaning of this? I have bestowed each of you a gift that the three of you were supposed to share and take responsibility for only to have you throw back the kindness I’ve shown you back in my face!” Alcina’s booming voice in dungeon startled everyone in the room. The chamber door clicked open, exposing the rather imposing figure that belonged to Lady Dimitrescu. She scanned the room and glared at her three cowering daughters, carelessly throwing in another body into the room that she had been hauling behind her. Desdemona’s eyes widened in surprise when she recognized Veronica’s limp body curled on the ground.

“You know you’re supposed to take care of your pets and not let them rot in the cellar! Have I not taught you girls any manners or did I overestimate your ability to take care of this human you are all so fond of? Ugh, no matter, I have another task for you girls. You are to assist Karl with a project; he found an abandoned van not too far from the village and was able to tow it back to the castle. We found some of Desdemona’s belongings that I’m sure you all would be interested in.” Alcina said sweetly, smirking when her daughters expressed their delight at embarking on such a quest. Desdemona carefully approached Veronica’s resting form and knelt on the ground beside her, gently lifting her head and placing it on her lap. She gasped aloud when she saw how bruised and broken Veronica appeared, her hair disheveled as her skin was marred with darkened bruises and scars that indicated severe physical trauma. Veronica shifted in place and lifted a shaky hand in the air, her breathing slow and calm when she feels Desdemona’s fingers clasp together with hers.

“What…what happened to you, V? You look like shit.” Desdemona teases, hoping to brighten her best friend’s mood somehow. Veronica smiles at Dezzy’s playful tone and lightly squeezes her hand. Veronica suddenly grimaces and turns her head to her side, her tongue rolling around against her cheek before she spits something out.

‘Wait, did she just spit out a tooth? What did Lady Dimitrescu do to you, Veronica?’ Desdemona sadly thinks to herself as she pulls Veronica closer until she’s settled comfortably on her lap.

“You know me, Dezzy, I don’t know when to shut the fuck up. She wants to break me and I want to irritate her until my very last breath; this relationship is in absolutely no way toxic.” Veronica says, coughing out blood when she tries to laugh through the pain.

“Mother, that loud-mouth with the gross blood is touching our plaything. May we slit her throat and hang her upside down until she bleeds out?” Cassandra asks with a sneer. Daniela is scowling at Veronica and she looks ready to pounce but she somehow manages to refrain from doing so after looking to her mother for any signs of approval. Thankfully, Alcina manages to look annoyed with the request more than anything.

“No, no, you girls will not touch what belongs to me. She was starting to bore me so throwing her in here for a day will allow me to recharge. I will, however, remind you that your new task needs to be done immediately so I suggest you find your dear Uncle Karl and help him with whatever he needs. I will tend to your pet and give her a bath. She and I need to have an important talk regarding your needs.” Alcina states as she glances over to Desdemona cradling her best friend in her arms.

“Mother, if Desdemona needs a bath, I would be more than happy to assist you in all matters that concern my beloved.” Bela offers, beaming when she gazes into Desdemona’s eyes.

The crestfallen expression on Bela’s face after Alcina politely rejects her offer has the other two sisters snickering in the back. Disheartened at the idea of Desdemona being handled in the bath by her mother, Bela disintegrates into a million insects and leaves the space. Her two sisters soon follow when their mother shoots them a knowing look.

Alcina’s attention now falls on Desdemona and the surviving Hawthorne twin feels her heart begin to race. She doesn’t quite know how to act around Lady Dimitrescu and judging by how broken Veronica looked, Desdemona figures she must continue to act submissive and demonstrate manners when she’s spoken to. Until she can come up with a formidable plan to escape the castle with her best friend in tow, Desdemona must continue to get to know Lady Dimitrescu and her three daughters better. She’ll eventually figure out what their weaknesses are by playing the long game.

“I guess I better get going, V. Please feel better soon and you know, try not to die.” Desdemona says as she places a gentle kiss on her friend’s forehead.

Veronica scoffs and bats away at her in response.

“I can’t make any promises I can’t keep. You just do you until you know, find something worth finding out about and tell me all about it. Oh, and Dezzy,” Veronica says quietly as she watches her best friend cautiously approach Lady Dimitrescu, who had been observing their interaction with curiosity. “let it be known that you have the worst fucking luck in the world with women. Take care of yourself, yeah?”

Desdemona sighs at that and offers her friend a knowing smile. She’d spent most of her life being attracted to heterosexual women or women who were emotionally unavailable to her; she didn’t think she’d ever cross the line of the usual types she’s typically drawn to but here she was fighting for survival as a trio of dangerous vampires decided to lay their claim on her.

Des dares to look up at Alcina, who unfortunately had already been staring at her, and she gulps, picking up the pace to keep up with Lady Dimitrescu’s rather large strides. For the most part, Alcina does not engage in much conversation unless she felt the need to point something out about the mansion.

When they enter one of the guest bathrooms, Desdemona can’t help but be a little impressed at Lady Dimitrescu’s design choices. The exquisitely polished gold marble flooring stood out the most as two sinks lined up on both sides of the room, the cherry wood cabinets complimenting both the granite countertops and the glossy tile backsplash. Desdemona had to begrudgingly admit that Lady Dimitrescu had impeccable taste, her jaw dropping at the sight of a large bathtub sitting upon a platform in the center of the room.

Alcina wasted no time in stripping Desdemona of her ratty clothes after she had run enough hot water for her in the tub. The steam and warmth of the water was nearly enough to send Desdemona into a state of relaxation but then she remembered Alcina wanted to have an important discussion with her in private.

“You know as well as I do that I do not care for humans. Your life has no meaning to me and should I wish to, I could cut you open at any given moment and offer any remaining part of you to the pigs after my daughters and I are through feasting on your corpse. The only reason you are being kept alive is because my daughters are growing fond of you. They’ve ever only known the company of family and the maidens they occasionally feed on so to see a blossoming…relationship between one of my daughters and her plaything is quite remarkable.”

Desdemona doesn’t dare say a thing as Alcina gently lifts her arms to scrub them. The word “relationship” is being tossed around so casually that it makes her wonder if any of these women knew what love was or if any of them were capable of forming attachments to other people.

When the smaller woman doesn’t reply, Alcina grips the back of Desdemona’s head and yanks it back so she could growl in her ear.

“You shall treat all my daughters as equals, pet. You will not favor one over the other two and you will do whatever it takes to keep them happy if you know what’s good for you. I care about my daughters and their happiness and if that means keeping you alive, you better damn well appreciate the gift I’m giving you by allowing you serve them. You shall spoil them, love them and show them affection because if word gets out that you’ve been a naughty little human that’s broken any of their hearts, I will gut you alive.”

Desdemona feels her fists clench and unclench underneath the bath water at the mention of being gutted alive. A tear runs down her cheek at the disturbing memory of her twin brother’s bowels piling on the floor as Veronica’s screams echoed in the back of her mind. It was horrifying having to relive that particular memory over and over again.

‘You should tell her how much you hate her for killing Desmond. Stop being a pussy and stand up for yourself! Who cares if she beats you!? She murdered Desmond, you should be fighting tooth and nail for your freedom the way Veronica has been doing.’

With a shaky voice, Desdemona swallows her pride and nods in acquiescence to Lady Dimitrescu’s requests.

“I understand, my Lady. I will do whatever it takes to ensure that their needs are fulfilled and that they remain happy under my care.” Desdemona says after a tense moment.

Alcina smiles and releases the grip she had on the smaller girl’s head.

“Good, I’m glad we were able to clear that up like reasonable adults. After I’m done tidying you up, you will spend the night with Cassandra in her room. She has been upset ever since Bela told my other girls how you’d given her a phone full of pictures of you. For your sake, I sure do hope you plan on making it up to both Cassandra and Daniela; they’re starting to feel neglected.” Alcina tells her with a wicked smile on her face and Desdemona has to stop herself from groaning out loud.

She doesn’t necessarily have a plan to appease both Cassandra and Daniela but spending the night with Cassandra was a great starting point. It didn’t help matters that she was absolutely terrified of the sadistic vampire but perhaps it wouldn’t take much to charm her.

After the somewhat relaxing bath, Desdemona was left to her own devices to explore the mansion under the watchful eyes of Alcina. Cassandra’s bedroom wasn’t too far off from the hallway she was currently wandering through but the silence that followed her throughout the castle was still quite eerie. Desdemona’s hand reached for the golden doorknob in front of her when her ears are filled with uncontrollable giggling. She squeezes the knob and slightly turns it only to swat away at a few insects buzzing around her. Desdemona looks to her left and then to her right; there’s nothing on either side of her and so she takes a deep breath, wondering if she was slowly losing her mind the longer she stayed in the castle.

Opening the door, the next thing she sees is a black shadow with glistening white teeth lunging at her. “Rawr!”

Desdemona shouts and jumps back until she hits the wall behind her, her hand clutching at her chest as she tries to steady her heavy breathing. She’s not sure if she should be relieved to see that it was just Cassandra laughing at her reaction to the stupid jump scare but at least she wasn’t in immediate danger…maybe.

“Oh, you should see the look on your face – it’s priceless! Mmm, and just listening to the sound of your heart rapidly beating in your chest is lovely music to my ears. Fear thickens your blood and the thicker the blood, the sweeter it is.” Cassandra tells her, laughter now subsiding as she stands awkwardly in the doorway.

“Is there a reason you came to visit little ol’ me or did you get lost on your way to find Bela?” Cassandra spits out Bela’s name with disdain and Desdemona knew she had to convince Alcina’s daughters that they all meant something to her, but she had to treat them all as equals as well.

“I came to see you, actually. I wanted to spend some time with you and get to know you better since we got off the wrong foot at the beginning of all this.” Desdemona says uncertainly, peering over Cassandra’s shoulders to see if there was something she could work with if she managed to convince her to let her in.

Cassandra gives her a once over, her eyes lingering on certain parts of Desdemona longer than most and relents.

“I do have a few questions about some of your belongings my dear Uncle Karl found in that hideous vehicle of yours. Now, I do occasionally dabble in the arts myself but these palettes you brought with you are utterly useless and too shiny for my liking! Explain this to me!” Cassandra exclaims as she leads a befuddled Desdemona into her room which was surprisingly ordinary considering the woman’s personality.

Desdemona was about to ask what she meant by shiny when her mouth suddenly hangs open at the sight of several expensive makeup palettes thrown and scattered about. Cassandra picks up a broken Pat McGrath eyeshadow palette and attempts to dip one of her makeup brushes in one of the colors and draws a sloppy line against the canvas she had set up on an easel in front of her.

‘Jesus fucking Christ, she’s trying to paint using your one hundred-and twenty-five-dollar eyeshadow palette.’ Desdemona thinks, desperately trying hard not to cry at the loss of something so precious to her.

Desdemona rolls her lips as she recognizes one of her favorite Morphe makeup brushes lying broken in half across the other side of the room. Cassandra had gone through her makeup bag and successfully destroyed at least a few hundred dollars worth of product. If survival wasn’t a big priority right now, Desdemona would have a mental breakdown over this. For now, she’ll be happy to take a rain check.

“So, I love your enthusiasm, Cassandra, and your idea to paint on a canvas using my makeup is really…creative. How about I show you how to do your makeup with what’s left?” Desdemona asks as she picks up a relatively intact kit that Cassandra paid no mind to.

Cassandra tilts her head in confusion.

“Why would I need makeup? You’re disgusted by the sight of me, aren’t you? I know I’m not as pretty or as smart as Bela, but you don’t need to go around telling me what I don’t already know!” Cassandra screeches, her hands wrapping around Desdemona’s neck and slamming her to the nearest wall. When Cassandra begins to apply a deadly amount of pressure, Desdemona had to act quickly.

“I-I just wanted to spend time with you, Cassandra! You’re beautiful without makeup, but seeing how much you like art, I thought you’d appreciate it a different way!” Desdemona manages to say, nearly coughing up a lung when Cassandra releases her.

The dark-haired woman eyes Desdemona suspiciously but she motions for the smaller girl to continue.

“I just thought maybe you’d want to partake in an activity we both would enjoy. It’s intimate and it would just be our thing, something that no one would take away from us. You’re already gorgeous, Cassandra, but this is a thing we could do for fun. Just you and me doing each other’s makeup...and maybe after we’ve gotten to know each other better, maybe we can just do each other.” Desdemona continues as she tries to double down on her flirtatiousness. She bats her eyelashes at Cassandra and her fingers begin to twirl the ends of her long, wavy dark brown hair.

Cassandra inhales Desdemona’s scent and rolls her eyes to the back of her head as if her blood were truly intoxicating in that moment. “Okay, I’ll let you do my makeup, Little One. Just…hurry up and let’s get to the part where we get to know each other better. I can’t wait to eat you all up once you let me, my pretty little plaything.” Cassandra whispers into Desdemona’s ear, her tongue leaving a wet trail from the nape of her neck to her collarbone. She enjoys the way the smaller girl shudders against her.

“R-right, let’s sit on your bed for a minute. I have some ideas and I’ll need your input. Your opinion is extremely important to me.” Des tells Cassandra, emphasizing how much she valued Cassandra’s contributions to their playdate activity, and it seemed to boost Cassandra’s ego.

Twenty minutes later after Desdemona had helped Cassandra clean her face, Desdemona straddled Cassandra and set herself to work on Lady Dimitrescu’s most insecure daughter. The smaller brunette was leaning closely over Cassandra and it was nearly too much for Cassandra’s senses. She was steadily growing impatient but there was something fascinating in the way Desdemona looked as she began doing her makeup. She looked focused, determined and when she fixed her brilliant gray eyes into Cassandra’s, there was a playfulness in the way she smiled at her. Cassandra felt her heart squeeze at the beautiful sight of her human sitting so peacefully atop of her. She did not want to ruin this moment but Cassandra hates holding back, whether its her feelings on something or when she’s out in the wilderness hunting, she needed to voice her thoughts.

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met and I’m glad you got lost in our village. I’ve met all sorts of pretty maidens but they were all so boring and rude, always screaming at the sight of us and running away from us when we wanted to play hide and seek. Your blood is so tempting, I want to bite into your neck and rip out your throat but…this, spending time like this with anyone outside of my family is nice. You’re so sweet it makes me want to taste you, but you also make me want to be around you more in a way that doesn’t involve killing, maiming, or torture, if that makes sense.” Cassandra blurts out in a rush, her cheeks glowing pink underneath the dim light of the torches in her room.

Desdemona pauses and takes a moment to let all that sink in. Cassandra is adorably awkward, or that’s how she would describe her if she weren’t also an intimidating immortal vampire that could snap her neck at the drop of a hat. Cassandra didn’t like the long awkward pause that formed between them, so she begins digging her sharp nails into Desdemona’s thighs and the smaller girl reacts.

‘Des, you need to stab her in the eye while she’s vulnerable or if she’s really a vampire, try stabbing her in the heart! Kill her, kill her the way they so ruthlessly killed your brother and be done with it. Fight your way out of here, goddamn it!’ Desdemona’s thoughts were overwhelming her and as much as she wanted to fight the creatures that were responsible for her brother’s death and Veronica’s misery, she knew she had to discourage such thoughts from frequently forming in her mind. This game couldn’t be won if she gave in to her baser desires.

“Is your tongue coated in honey, Cassandra? I’m a little embarrassed to admit this but no one has said such lovely things to me before. It makes me want to kiss you.” Desdemona flirts as she brings her hips down against Cassandra, causing the other woman to moan aloud at the intense contact she felt between them. “So…what’s holding you back? Kiss me!” Cassandra demanded, her hands snaking underneath Desdemona’s blouse as her hands explored every inch of skin that she had access to. Desdemona accidentally lets out a moan of her own and freezes, her hands finding Cassandra’s and pinning them above her head. Cassandra liked this darker side of Desdemona, it meant that they could play rough in the bedroom and her plaything would like it. This would be the last and only time Desdemona would top her though.

“I told you, you need to let me finish your makeup and then we’ll get to the fun stuff. Patience is a virtue.” Desdemona says, laughing when Cassandra huffs and crosses her arms in displeasure. The smaller girl bites her lip when she thinks to herself how cute Cassandra seemed but the thought quickly vanishes when images of Desmond’s bloodied corpse enters her mind again.

This was going to be a long game indeed.

#only monsters come out at night #chapter four #Bela dimitrescu x ofc #bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu x ofc #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu x ofc #daniela dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu daughters x ofc #RE8 Village #Resident Evil 8 #Resident Evil Village #mine

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pricklerick · 3 years

Text

Thanksgiving used to be Summer’s favorite holiday.

It meant spending two whole nights with Jerry’s parents and waking up early and going for a long walk in the snow, then peeling off wet clothes just in time to watch the dog show on TV while grandma baked pumpkin pie.

Things are different now, with Grandpa Rick and Morty gone. Dad, of course, had instantly accused Grandpa Rick of kidnapping Morty. Mom had screamed that her father would never do something like that to his family, to her (even know Summer knows that deep down, her mother was very afraid that Grandpa Rick had done exactly that).

The divorce was so ugly that Summer transferred to a school in Texas, losing a bunch of her class credits just to get away from them.

Texas is good. Well, it’s hot, and Summer’s skin hates that, but the people are nice and her classes are easy, and if she stays within a certain neighborhood, she can find whatever she wants without having to edge over to the east side of town.

She even has a finance. David plays football and his parents own a ranch in the Texas hill country. They have a little money and they like to flaunt it.

Years ago, before Grandpa Rick burst into Summer’s life and started taking her little brother on adventures, before portal guns and real guns and near death experiences became Summer’s adrenaline fix, she would have been thrilled to nail down a guy like David. David is kind, and sweet, and very attractive. He’s got a good future and he’s looking at being scouted as quarterback next year.

Summer’s ring is a gaudy thing, at least two carats, and it sits heavy on her finger. She only wears it when she knows she’ll be with David or the in-laws. It’s an heirloom ring, passed down through generations, and Summer hates it. She’s forever fiddling with it, or pulling her sleeve down to cover it, or hiding it in her back pocket when she’s out with girl friends.

She doesn’t go out as often anymore - they’re seniors now, and Summer has been told that the partying needs to slow down now that David’s future is getting serious. Summer is fine with this. There’s nothing on this earth that matches a party in space, anyway.

Sometimes, Summer looks up at the night sky and wonders how she could get her hands on some of Grandpa Rick’s K-Lax. That was good stuff.

It’s easy to justify spending Thanksgiving away from home because of travel expenses and final exams. Summer’s done it three years in a row now. She doesn't often think of Beth, or of Jerry, either. She’s deeply entrenched in a new family now, invested in a future mother-in -law who insists on being called “Mama June” or even just “Mama,” and an emotionally detached father-in-law who feels that talking to a woman who is not his wife is beneath him.

Summer is spending more and more time outside, looking at the stars, wishing, remembering.

But this week, the week before break, at 2:43 am, Summer’s phone screen lights up with a call from “Beth Smith.” And when Summer, groggy and maybe already a little hungover, answers with a hoarse, “Hello?” Beth is slobbering drunk.

“Honey, please,” Beth cries, slurring her words and hitching her breaths. “I need to see my baby, Summer. It’s Thanksgiving, next week. Summer, remember? Remember Thanksgiving? You... You’re all I have left.”

Yeesh.

Summer does not want to spend her break dealing with Beth and all of her sloppy-alcoholic coping mechanisms.That’s why she’d run away to Texas to begin with.

Summer hasn’t been home since the night they lost Morty.

She doesn’t want to go back. So she shushes Beth over the phone, lets her cry it out and then they start it all again, the crying and the shushing, over and over until Beth is nearly asleep, slurring half-formed words into her pillow.

Summer disconnects the call and drops her face into her hands. “Fuck.”

“What, babe?”

Ugh, she’d forgotten that David had stayed over.

David wraps his greedy arms around Summer’s waist and pulls her in, his naked boner brushing hot against her thigh. It makes her sick. She pulls away from him, leaning against the headboard and fumbling for the lamp. Beside her, David blinks owlishly in the light.

“I’m going home for Thanksgiving,” she tells him. No sense dragging it out.

“Oh,” says David, reaching up to stroke Summer’s cheeks and twine his fingers in her hair. Summer tenses at this, but David is oblivious, still carding his big stupid paws though Summer’s shower-damp braids and looking at her with an intensity that is frankly... terrifying. “What about coming back to Pilot Point, babe?,” he reminds her and he leans forward in an effort to pepper Summer’s face with kisses. Summer dodges them, making a show of reaching for her phone, so David grabs her hand instead. “Remember talking about seeing my folks?”

Summer is suddenly disgusted with herself. She ran away from home straight into the arms of this Mama’s boy who can hardly keep it up for the four and a half minutes it takes him to blow his load in missionary position.

Summer is a Sanchez.

She’s wondered for a while, especially after that stunt Dad pulled during the divorce, if she should have her name legally changed. She shares a quarter of Grandpa Rick’s genes, and by her rights as a Sanchez, the universe owes her good sex.

At least.

“Sorry, David,” she says and she deftly rolls away from him to stand at the edge of their shared bed. “Plans have changed. Mom needs me.”

Now David is sitting up, looking for all the world like a kicked puppy, but there’s a hardness in his eyes that Summer doesn’t like. Oh well. In for a penny, she guesses.

“Listen, dude, this isn’t working anyway. I’m not the hot little wifey on your arm that your parents are hoping you’ll find here.” She snorts, pacing around the bedroom, ticking off points on her fingers. “I don’t even want kids. I’m Summer Sanchez. I’ve been to space. I’ve seen the stars and constellations and comets and asteroids. I’ve met people you wouldn’t believe. I’ve met planets you wouldn’t believe - sentient planets, David! I’ve hit alien drugs that would blow your tiny mind.” She’s trembling now, all keyed up, but it feels good. There’s something cathartic about acknowledging the truth after so long.

She decides that Summer Sanchez has a nice ring to it.

She lifts her hands and twirls, landing in a heap at the foot of the bed. “The best sex I ever had was with a flying lamb on Oourivian Prime, for Chrissakes.” Summer turns, flushed and grinning, and pokes David in the chest. “You better believe I’m not settling down on a silly horse farm in Pilot Point!”

David is looking at her wide-eyed and slack-jawed, like he’s seeing her for the first time. The thought makes Summer smile a real smile. In a fit of giddiness, she pecks him playfully on the lips, sliding his ridiculous ring from her finger and curling it into his palm. “Good luck with that, babe!”

Feeling freer than she has in years, she flutters around the room, grabbing a few outfits that she likes and stuffing them haphazardly into an old gym bag. The whole thing takes less than a minute.

“Oh, and don’t take it too hard,” she calls over her shoulder, “I don’t think we’re really all that sexually compatible, anyway.” She waves a hand toward the flagging erection that is peaking from David’s boxers. “I’m more of a tentacle kind of girl, if you know what I mean.”

And so, during the fall semester of her senior year, Summer Sanchez dropped out of Texas A&M’s pre-law program and flew home to see her mother for the first time in three years.

xxx

Morty enters through the front door because he’s not a stranger. He’s not exactly sure how long it’s been on Earth - time moves differently on Morty’s waste planet - but somehow, he hadn’t expected it to be night. It makes him feel like a burglar, walking up the concrete steps to the front door with his big black cowl pulled low over his face, a deeply ingrained habit.

“You’ve only got one face, Mo-AAAUURRGG-rty. Don’t get caught with it.”

The key code to unlock the door is the same. Morty sighs, surprised at the stress that leaves his body with this revelation. He hadn’t wanted to break into his parents’ home. Now, he doesn’t have to.

He whirls around, taking one last look at the ship he’d parked on the garage pad. He’d avoided the streetlamps best he could, managed to land very quietly (thanks for that rad auto-landing feature, Rick)partially concealed behind some overgrown azaleas.

Morty sighs, tense again. Modifications aside, that is obviously Rick’s ship to anybody who knows it. Morty hopes he can get what he needs and get out. It would be wrong to disturb whatever peace his family had managed to regain in the years he’s been gone.

The front door is squeakier than Morty remembers. He slips into the kitchen as quickly, quiet as a ghost, and pulls the door slowly to behind him.

His first thought is that he’d forgotten that home has a smell. Carpet and lemon pledge and laundry detergent, and the lingering scent of last night’s dinner all converge on his senses like a physical blow to the gut.

How could Morty have forgotten that smell?

He glances around, eyes adjusting to the dim light of the street lamps. A few scattered dishes lie in the sink, an empty wine bottle sits abandoned on the counter. He’s standing on the same ugly linoleum floor with its worn green leaf patten, so subtle you’d miss it if you didn’t know where to look.

Time hasn’t touched the kitchen.

Morty stands in his childhood home and takes three deep breaths. He thought he’d been prepared for anything and everything - all the changes. He’d been ready.

But the house is exactly the same.

It’s Morty who has changed.

Morty’s breathing speeds, and he shakes off the shudder that tempts to run down his spine. If the kitchen affected him this deeply…. He swings his gaze to the garage door that beckons ominously to his left.

Don’t think about it, he reminds himself sharply. The plan is simple - break into the garage, grab the stuff, and get out. There will be time for memories later.

Don’t think about it. Don’t think about… him.

Morty shakes himself, setting his shoulders and pulling the heavy door handle toward him as he turns it to minimize noise. Unlike the kitchen, the swing of the garage door is silent.

The darkness deepens as Morty steps down the single step - there are no windows to let in the glow of the street lights here. The air is hotter and heavy, almost stale, and as Morty turns his back to the room to slowly pull the door to, he gets the strangest feeling. It’s almost the uneasiness he feels when he walks to the grave of the other Morty who is buried in the backyard. It raises the hairs on his neck, and Morty wonders if anybody in the family have used this garage since...

Don’t think about it.

Door secured and locked, Morty lets his fingers drift along the walls, his opposite hand outstretched in search of obstacles. But it seems that the garage is exactly as Morty remembers, and he navigates the dark with increasing confidence. He snags the dangling string - right where it should be - and tugs. The bare bulb that hangs over Rick’s work table pops and hums as it slowly blinks on, and Morty bites back a smile at the irony of the inter-galactic space genius Rick Sanchez discovering his greatest scientific breakthroughs beneath this dirty fluorescent bulb.

A thousand memories assault him at once.

“A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs!”

“Bring me the thing. The thing. The thing. The -- the -- it's got, like, buttons on it and lights on it. It -- it -- it beeps.”

“You little son of a bitch! Y-y- are you a simulation?! Huh?! Are you a simulation??”

“I’m the Rickest Rick there is. And you know, it would - UUUURRGGHH- go without saying that the Rickest Rick… would have the Mortyest Morty.”

“Be better than I am.”

“Don’t… Don’t think about it.”

Morty sucks in a deep breath and grits his teeth hard. Time to get busy.

xxx

Three hours later, and Morty is almost done with the garage.

He glances at the digital clock that reads 3:33. By the time he gets this stuff loaded, it’ll be nearly daylight.

Damn, he’d really hoped to get everything in one trip. Fuel for a trip to Earth from his encampment is not cheap, and this was a long trip.

He picks up the first item, a strangely lightweight box labeled “Time Travel Stuff” and heads toward the kitchen. He dares not raise the garage door - that would make too much noise.

He opens the door and comes nose to nose with Summer.

“What. The fuck. Are you doing in my grandpa’s garage?” she says slowly, advancing on him with each word.

Morty’s first thought as he stumbles backward is, “Where did my sister get a pistol?”

He trips over the step in an effort to give her some space, sending the box flying. He finds himself sprawled on the floor, space bits everywhere, and his ass is killing him. “Ah, geez,” he breathes, repositioning slowly to take the pressure off of his coccyx. It’s probably broken.

Summer’s hands are trembling, and she lowers the gun. “Morty?”

Oh. His hood had fallen when he did. Morty looks up at her, a little sheepishly, suddenly very aware of the beard he’d decided to grow a while back. “Umm, yeah,” he says lamely, still wincing at the pain. “Hi!”

There’s a funny expression on Summer’s face, like she’s thinking a billion things at once, and her eyes are wider than Morty’s ever seen them. But then her gaze hardens. “And which one are you?” she demands, looking as if she’d like to bring the gun back to his head.

Morty raises his eyebrows. He wouldn’t have expected Summer to immediately question his dimension. Clever of her. He quirks a little smile. “C-137,” he answers her, trying and mostly failing to get back on his feet. “I’m your Morty. Well, your second Morty.”

Quick as a blink, Summer slings the gun away. It lands with a clatter and she launches herself at Morty, wrapping him in a rib-creaking hug. Morty’s body tenses - hugs are definitely not his typical physical interaction. But Summer is burying her face into the crook of his neck, and Morty is surprised to find how easily it fits there. When he’d left, they’d barely stood eye to eye.

Morty is stunned. Summer has never hugged him like this. Feebly, he reaches up and lays his hand across her back. She’s shuddering. So Morty pulls her closer, shifting his weight so that his knees are beneath him, and gathers her in. She allows this, never looking up at him, and slowly, Morty relaxes into it.

“Summer?” he asks softly after what feels like a long time. He’s never been good with his sister’s emotions.

Summer cranes her neck sideways to look at him, and she’s a mess of mascara and tears, red-faced and absolutely shaking with laughter. Morty huffs with her, still utterly bewildered by girls. “What’s funny?”

“Nothing’s funny, Morty,” she tells him, but she’s still laughing, so Morty laughs with her. “You’ve been gone for three years. You’ve been legally declared dead, you asshole!” She swats him on the shoulder, but he manages to doge the blow, which only makes her face fall. She comes closer, looking more tearful now than before, and settles beside him. “We had a fucking funeral for you, you complete sack of dicks!”

Morty doesn’t know what to say, so he grabs Summer’s hand and squeezes. “Sorry.”

And he is.

Summer rolls her eyes and snorts, but there’s something softer at the edge of her lips, and she lays her head on Morty’s shoulder and sighs. Morty assumes means he’s forgiven, at least on some level.

They only sit like that for a minute or so before Morty starts to fidget. His ass is absolutely killing him, and time’s a-ticking. He needs to get out of here soon. Summer seems to read the tension in his body, because she stands abruptly and offers her hand, pulling him to his feet with an exaggerated groan.

“Thanks,” he quirks her a little half-smile, the only thing he has to offer her.

But Summer isn’t looking at him. Her eyes are tracking around the garage, noting the boxes that have been drug out and packed up. Something tightens in her face, and when she speaks, it’s in that no-nonsense tone that always drove him up the wall when they were kids.

“What happened, Morty?” Summer finishes her sweep of the garage and pins her gaze on him.

Morty nearly stumbles back at the intensity of it.

“What happened to you? Where is Grandpa Rick?”

Authors Notes:

Based on Vapor Morty, who was originally developed in this hot mess of a text post. Rick’s been kidnapped and Morty has been scouring the universe trying to find him and doing a lot of learning and growing along the way.

Kidnapped Rick saw Morty “die” just before he was kidnapped and went crazy over it. Morty obviously wasn’t dead, was trying to get to Rick to say hey, I’m all good and these guys are after you so let’s get out of here.

Morty literally lives in an intergalactic dumpster and makes a living renovating and selling weapons and machinery. He found his way home to earth because he wants to find any of Rick’s stuff that he could possibly use to track him down, or maybe even build his own portal gun.

Basically, Morty is a little badass now.

I might write more of these little drabbles if people are interested in them. Also, just really hoping I got Summer’s voice right here. Feedback is always, always appreciated, friends! My messages and ask box are open!

#pricklerick original #rick and morty #vapor morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #rickorty #summer smith #i could pretty easily be convinced to dabble deeper into this au #so many vapor morty feelings #summer is my precious sunshine child

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another-sonic-blog · 4 years

Text

By Accident Ch.3

Shadamy

Based on the presumption that Amy found Shadow in stasis instead of Eggman in SA2

A/N: I know its being a long time ... 54 years may be? I can even find the the previous chapters in tumblr ...Anyways I hope you still enjoy! I dedicate this chapter to @itsdaqueensposts because she is amazing! <3 She will be making a comic based on this fanfic, so I hope you guys will look forwards to it!

Previous: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/619412011978309632/by-accident-ch2

.....

It was easy for Shadow to teleport to the ARK. Walking through the corridors of the space colony was harder than Shadow thought it would be. He remembers running around with Maria, playing hide and seek, and from time to time they would get scolded from the other scientists. The place used to be so lively and full of life, now it has been reduced to a memory in Shadow's mind.

It was strange for him, that things hadn't changed in the time he was gone. How long was it? 20? 30? 50 years?

And still, everything looked the same. A space colony had its perks because it wasn't affected by the laws of nature. No dust, no erosion, no human intervention that could destroy the architecture over time. The laboratories, the unused white papers, and pens, the lab coats that were never used again ... Everything was left the same from the day G.U.N. came.

Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to walk around. If Eggman shows up, he could just run to their meeting point.

There was a particular place where he wanted to go since he woke up from stasis.

Maria and his favorite place.

When he entered the room, he couldn't help but notice the blue planet in front of him. Stars surrounding it and even a blue aura that made the planet look like paradise. It was so beautiful that it pained Shadow ... just a little.

He turned around to look at the room. Made up from mostly metal, there were no beakers, no test tubes nor burettes. This room existed for the solemn reason to appreciate the view in front of them. To relax and it was the only room Maria and Shadow could play around freely.

Shadow knew that it was never going to happen but a part of him still had hoped... That Maria would come running through those doors, giggling and smiling like she always does.

Did.

How could this happen? How did he let this happen? For him, just a couple of days had passed since he last saw Maria and now ... She was dead.

And it was all G.U.N.'s fault.

And his fault as well.

He was supposed to be the ultimate life form, he was supposed to be her cure so they could go live together happily on Earth.

"Shadow"

The moment he heard her call his name, the black hedgehog felt his heart stop for a second. He stopped breathing, his body began to shake and for a moment he really thought he was going to die. He let in and out heavy breaths as he tried to get lungs to his air. He felt like throwing up, his chest felt like it had been pierced by a Chaos Spear and his body was drowning in sweat.

It was as if she was there as if Maria had just whispered his name. He just couldn't stop the memory. It played over and over again in his head. Her words, her face ... Her eyes that hoped that someway, somehow they could be saved.

That G.U.N. agent who shot her. The sound, his screaming, the way he saw the lightscape her eyes as she fell dead to the ground.

That was her last memory of her.

Death.

He wanted to forget. Shadow didn't want to remember, it was emotionally and physically painful. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move and most of it all, he couldn't stop the memory.

He had never felt like this, and for a moment he was scared, terrified that he will keep feeling like this for all of eternity.

Maybe this was his punishment.

"Shadow do it for me ..."

Maria.

"For all of those people on that planet,"

Maria.

"Sayonara, Shadow the Hedgehog."

"MARIA!"

"I know you are not bad, I trust you Shadow."

Amy.

Shadow opened his eyes, as the voice of the pink hedgehog resonated on his mind.

Amy.

"He can hurt you, what if you need me to protect you?"

Amy.

"You will come back, right?"

"I promise."

The words came out like a soft whisper and as of art of magic, Shadow was finally able to breathe again. His heartbeat was stabilizing again and the sweating had stopped. He felt chills run down his spine and he was a relief to feel that his body was going back to normal. There was still a mild pain on his chest but he knew he just needed to stand still for a bit for the pain to go away.

He looked at the green Chaos Emerald on his hand, the gem that had taken him to this place. Now, he needed it to go back to her.

He promised her he was going to come back after all.

But before that, there was another promise he needed to fulfill.

"Finish this fast ... So you can go back to her."

"We interrupt this broadcast for an important news flash. There has been a break-in at the federal reserve bank today. Mysteriously, the only thing that was stolen was the Chaos Emerald. According to eyewitnesses at the scene, the suspect was identified as the world-renowned hero, Sonic the Hedgehog. The suspect was seen fleeing the scene destroying the reserve's guard robots in his path. Stay tuned for more details."

There was only one thing that ran through Amy's mind as she finished watching the news.

Shadow.

What had happened that day she left him at the Federal Reserve Bank? Did Shadow steal the Chaos Emerald?

"Of course he did Amy, you just saw the news."

Was he that desperate to get it?

But there was another thing Amy needed to focus her attention on.

Sonic.

The military must be going after Sonic, thinking that he was the one who stole the Chaos Emerald. Did they already capture him? Where was he?

Amy didn't hesitate for a moment. Although she had already asked too many favors out of Rouge, she just needed to know if Sonic was alright.

She was on the edge of her seat on the couch. She extended her hand to reach her cellphone that was placed on top of the small table.

The pink hedgehog was quick to turn on the cellphone and look for Rouge's contact phone number.

And she called.

There was a beep sound coming from the phone, the call entering but no one was picking up. The pink hedgehog felt a little bit bad at the moment because after all Rouge was a government agent and she was busy most of the time. Nonetheless, this was an emergency and Amy needed to eat her embarrassment to find information about her lover.

"Hello?"

Amy sighed in relief as she recognized the bat's voice. She didn't want to take much of her time so she jumped quickly to ask questions.

"Hey, Rouge how are you? Are you busy?"

"Well, just a bit I am about to teleport myself to an abandoned space colony but besides that I am good. What's up?"

The signal wasn't the best and this only happened when Rouge was in a faraway country. She never had luck with cellphones, such a bad signal for a government spy.

"I am sorry to bother you while you are at work, but I was wondering if you knew about ..." Amy made a pause. She didn't want to give away that she knew Shadow nor that he was the one that stole the Chaos Emerald. Because even when Amy trusted Rouge, she still knew that the bat took her job seriously and wouldn't hesitate to ask questions. "About Sonic stealing a Chaos Emerald and the military going after them."

"Of course, and I am guessing you want to ask where he is being held, prisoner ... Correct?"

"Yes."

Amy heard the bat sigh heavily, the pink hedgehog cursed mentally mostly because she was ashamed of herself. She knew it was too much to ask for, and knowing Rouge she won't give up that information to her so easily.

"Amy is dangerous ... I don't want you to go," Rouge made a pause. "But knowing how stupid G.U.N. is and that they will make this information public ... I can say that Sonic is currently in Prison Island."

"That's where I found Shadow."

"Oh? I thought that place had been shut down years ago." Amy responded. To Amy's knowledge, Rouge didn't know that Amy had broken into the base and met Shadow the Hedgehog.

"It was but a few days ago ... Something happened at the base, something got 're-activated' ... That made G.U.N. reopen the base and because it's on an island, that's the safest place to put Sonic."

A few things crossed Amy's mind. The first thing was that she needed to ask Tails for a ride to Prison Island and knowing her two-tailed friend, Tails must be making preparations to go there himself.

"Thank you for the information Rouge, I am sorry. I'll try not to bother you anymore," The pink one let out a soft smile and her heart felt relieved as she heard the white bat giggle back at her.

"Don't worry, you have helped me a lot too. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't because of you." Rouge said. "I know it's futile to ask you to stay home so, please ... Be careful."

"I'll try my best ... You too be careful," Amy was thankful for Rouge. Because although she acted like a big sister to her, Rouge always knew to respect her independence. "I hope to see you soon, goodbye."

"Me too hun, goodbye."

Beep.

The call ended and there was an emptiness in Amy that she couldn't describe. It was quiet, too quiet and although she was used to it, it wasn't something she enjoyed all the time. Especially after Shadow stayed with her a couple of days.

She didn't want to jump to any conclusions, not when she wasn't heard Shadow's version of the story yet.

She trusted Shadow.

And she was going to keep doing so until her questions were answered.

And she was gonna look for them.

Shadow was in the ARK's Central Control Room. Memories again overtaking his mind. Here he was, in front of all of its glory. Although Shadow wasn't let inside of the room must of the time, the scientists instructed him well about the functions of the machine.

The Eclipse Gannon.

One of Gerald's greatest creations. The machine capable of destroying a whole planet.

And the one who will help him full-feel his promise and set him free.

Shadow heard machine steps coming towards, he recognized them perfectly well.

"I have been waiting for you, doctor," Shadow said as he finally faced Dr. Eggman who came down from his machine. "Now I will show the glorious achievement of what the world's leading scientist, Professor Gerald has created."

Rouge was surprised that they still didn't know about her presence. Not like it matters too much, after all, she was there to get more information about Eggman's doing. What caught her interest the most, however, was the black hedgehog who spoke so eloquently about the ARK.

"To reactivate the machine we need the seven Chaos Emeralds. Once you have that, then you have the ultimate power of destruction to use as you please. And then the world could be yours!"

Rouge was very perceptive of things. Especially words. The black hedgehog spoke of a possibility. "Could be yours." Instead of "Will be yours."

Either this hedgehog knew more information than the things he is telling Eggman or he just didn't trust his fully yet. Although his way of speaking didn't make him seem like the insecure type. The world could be Eggman's ... But was there more? A heavy price to pay for it? A double-edged sword?"

"Hahaha! Sounds like a plan. I like the way you think Shadow!"

Shadow, so that's his name.

"I will get the Chaos Emeralds, use the machine to dominate the world, and build a legacy of my own!"

Well, it was time to get back to work, after all that Master Emerald is not going to build itself back.

"Do you really think it would be that easy?" Rouge came down from the ceiling, making her introduction. She loved it when she caught people red-handed. It seemed like not even 'Shadow' was aware of her presence early on.

"I've got a great idea. How about we make a deal?"

11:13

Prison Island Coastline

They didn't lose any time as the next day Rouge had already informed them of a location of a Chaos Emerald.

Last night was the first night that Shadow didn't see Amy. He had spent the night running around, looking at the city, the natural views, and the people living on the planet. The black hedgehog had to admit that he knew the reason why Maria was so interested in Earth. After all, there were many things to do, so many things to see and explore. The planet was beautiful but the individuals living on it were the thing that made it a horrible place to live. The humans would kill each other, steal, humiliate each other for material things.

Everyone on this planet was rotten, and it should be destroyed just like Maria wanted.

Amy.

He shook his head as he tried to forget the pink hedgehog. Shadow found himself struggling to keep his promise to Maria whenever he remembered Amy. Now it wasn't the moment to think about her, not when he was about to still another Chaos Emerald.

On the back of his mind, Shadow knew that it was necessary to eventually let go of any attachments. Because there was still nothing set on stone whether Amy would want to come with him to the ARK when the doctor decides to destroy the Earth.

They were in front of Prison Island. Ready to start their mission, it was fairly simple for Shadow. Eggman was going to distract the military, Rouge was going to get the Chaos Emeralds and he was going to place dynamite inside the base to make the Island explode.

"Ok, everyone ready? Shadow, Rouge, on with the show!"

There was no time to hesitate now. For the moment, Shadow had to live on with the idea that Amy indeed will come with him to the ARK.

She had to ... Right? What kind of idiot wouldn't want to save their lives.

Amy knew it was wrong to have left Tails so quickly even after he gave her a ride to Prison Island. Nonetheless, her heart was already thriving to look out for her blue love and the answers to the questions she was looking for.

In the port of her Prison Island, she recognized three individuals from afar. Eggman, Rouge, and Shadow.

Wait, Shadow? Just what in Chaos was he doing here? And what was he doing with Rouge and Eggman?

Rouge? She could understand. As far as Amy knew, Rouge had to sometimes side with the bad guys to provide information to G.U.N. But Shadow? Was he in danger?

"Maybe Eggman is forcing him to steal the Chaos Emeralds! That has to be it!"

Amy thought of many things but at the moment her only thought was to take Shadow to a safer place or at least to create a distraction meanwhile Shadow could escape. She had to think of something and quick.

Something that does not expose Rouge's position but that gives Shadow enough time to escape.

"Oh, Sonic! I thought I would never see you again! I am so glad you made it!

The pink hedgehog hugged Shadow from the back, she knew that her fangirl acting skills would come in handy one day.

Shadow was more than astonished, still not believing his eyes. Just a few moments ago, he was thinking about her and now here she was, Amy Rose was hugging him.

"Hey, Shadow I found you!"

It was another day on the Space Colony ARK. Experimentations on Shadow were done for the day and Maria was feeling good without any health complications. It was a pretty good day and because of that Shadow and Maria decided to play hide and seek.

"You are really good at this Maria," Shadow said as he came out of the darkness of the metal room. They were in their favorite section in the entire ARK. The room that allowed them to see the entirety of the planet Earth.

"Of course I am! I am the best-"

Suddenly the blond girl began to cough desperately. She placed a hand to her mouth and the other to her chest as it began to pain her uncontrollably.

The black hedgehog ran towards her as he got worried about her wellbeing.

"Are you alright? Should I call for help-"

"No, I am fine-"

Shadow knew she was lying and it pained him more to know that she dared to do so. She began coughing more and more but Shadow knew it was better to just stand and watch. If he were to call the doctors on the ARK, Maria would get angry with him.

Her coughs began to slow down and finally, Maria felt her heartbeat go back to normal. The coughs ended and with a small smile, Maria focused her attention to Shadow again.

"I am sorry, I am sure you want a friend who doesn't have health complications every 15 minutes."

"Of course not! You are the only friend that I need."

Maria smiled at him and softly caressed the top of his head. The creation of Shadow had to be the greatest blessing she has had. Her grandfather saw him as a cure but she saw him as her only friend and she only wished the best for him.

"Whether you want it or not, eventually you will have friends, and when you do" Maria bent down to look at Shadow at his vermillion eyes. "You must take care of them and protect them just like you do with me."

"Leave it to me! I'll take care of her. You two, go!"

Eggman's voice made Shadow escape from his trance. And the next thing he knew was that Amy was already running away, with Eggman going behind her.

Rouge was about to interfere when all of a sudden Shadow was already running towards the pink hedgehog.

She watched them from afar. Amy had no escape but Shadow had put himself in between Amy and Eggman. Rouge was baffled not only did the dark hedgehog ran as his life depended on it but he was in a fighting stance. Rouge didn't know the reason behind Shadow joining Eggman, but something was definite. Shadow was ready to throw everything away for the pink hedgehog.

Shadow had decided if Eggman took another step closer to Amy, he wouldn't hesitate to attack.

Even Eggman felt a chill ran down his spine as he felt intimidated by vermillion eyes.

"Shadow! What are you doing? Move out of the way so I can-"

"No!" Shadow interrupted Eggman. There had to be a way in which he could fool Eggman and not get Amy dragged into this. "Don't waste time, if you want Rouge and me to enter the facility we need you to take down the guards first. Follow the plan, I'll take care of her while you take care of the military."

It was weird for Shadow to take charge but in times like this Eggman really didn't think too much about it.

"Fine, but hurry up! It won't take long for me to get rid of the guards!" Eggman turned to face Rouge as he noticed that she had barely moved from her previous position. "You batgirl, let's get back to work!"

Rouge nodded and ran towards the entrance of the base, following Eggman. She didn't worry too much about the pink hedgehog at the moment. Besides knowing that she could take care of herself, it seemed like the black hedgehog could take care of Amy if the situation required it.

One of Rouge's talents was to be very perceptive and to her, there was no doubt.

Shadow and Amy knew each other, some way or another.

Either that or Shadow fell in love at first sight with Amy, which Rouge doubted wholeheartedly but it would be a lie if she didn't say that the statement could lead to an interesting story.

Shadow turned to face Amy, he didn't think too much about his current situation and began to ask questions himself.

"What do you think you are doing?" he asked.

"I should be asking you the same thing!"

There were a few seconds of silence between the black and pink hedgehog. Emerald and vermillion eyes stared at each with determination but the only difference between the two was the Shadow was the only one who had to hide something. He felt his stance grow weaker as Amy's eyes felt heavy on him. Even if the pink hedgehog was smaller than him, she had her way of intimating him.

"I know this seems strange, but I have my reasons." Shadow looked away as to try not to give too much information to the pink one. "You have to leave this island, it's dangerous."

"I can't! Sonic is inside!" Amy was almost on her tippy toes, trying to stand her ground against Shadow as much as she could. "And I am going to help him!"

"No, you got to leave now! Trust me!"

"How can I trust you when you won't tell me what is going on? Why are you here? Why are you with Eggman?"

Shadow knew that he was being extremely unfair to Amy. While she had been nothing but kind to him, Shadow was lying to her. And as if the universe wanted it, he was putting her in unnecessary danger.

"I'll go inside and look for Sonic, how does he look like?"

"He is blue and has green eyes and-"

"Got it."

Shadow turned around, as he faced the entrance of Prison Island. Eggman was already in and by the looks of it, Rouge was already inside doing her job. The black hedgehog looked at his right hand and saw the dynamite he was bond to place inside the base. Shadow turned around and took a moment to appreciate the pink hedgehog in front of him.

The breeze of the ocean moved her hair softly and the sunlight made her eyes shine brightly. Due to the heat, her cheeks were tinted pink and her lips were a rosy color. Strangely enough, this was the first time Shadow noticed these small details.

"I'll go for him and when I come back, I'll explain everything."

Shadow watched Amy tilt her head in curiosity but there was more than that. She looked extremely worried and that was eating her from the inside.

"I'll be back, I promise and I'll bring your friend with me."

Amy trusted Shadow but there was still something about him that made her feel anxious. He was definitely hiding something but what could she do? She couldn't force him to tell him the truth ... She had to wait for him to be comfortable to open up to her.

And then, there was Sonic.

"I don't know what is going on ... But please, protect Sonic and bring him safe to me."

The look on Amy's eyes was something that Shadow would never forget. Her eyes were filled with an emotion he couldn't quite describe. But only one thing was certain.

"She must really care about this blue friend of hers."

"I will," Shadow said. "Now please, get off this island."

After watching the soft nod Amy gave him, Shadow felt relieved. Yes, he can do this. He will fulfill this mission and deliver to Amy her friend as fast as possible. Shadow would do anything if that meant Amy can stop worrying about him and her blue friend.

It was easy to place the timer for the dynamite packs on the armory room. Only ten minutes, that should be enough for him to find that blue friend of Amy and get out of the base before the Island explodes.

Besides how hard could it be to find someone who is blue?

As he ran through the corridors of Prison Island, Shadow felt a sense of deja vu, this was the same place that Amy found him by accident some days ago. How many days has it been since? A week? two? More? A part of him felt numb, it felt like such a long time since things started to go this way. He was in a constant dream but at the same time he wasn't.

"I'll stop them as much as I can. There is a small airplane in the jungle, run towards the east and it will be there. If I am not there in within five minutes, leave."

The memory of him and Amy running from the robots flooded his mind. Strange enough, he never took the time to fully appreciate her words. Was the pink hedgehog sacrificing herself to give him a chance to live? Why would she do that? Why throw her life away for someone she didn't know? Why put so much trust ...

On a failure like him?

It was times like this when Shadow thought that destiny must be playing around with his fate, messing with his head. Because there was no doubt in Shadow's heart and mind before. It was true, if it wasn't because Amy had discovered him in stasis, he wouldn't doubt in destroying this miserable planet.

He was now looking up and down on each room of the base until finally, he reached an old door. Oxidated, almost unused. Shadow had to admit that all of this was strange. There were no guards, no robots nor military. He knew that Eggman had distracted most of them but this was such a big facility, it seemed strange to leave unattended a place that held the Chaos Emeralds.

Not only that but ... What was a friend of Amy doing in a place like this?

Shadow stopped thinking, there was no time for that now. He kicked open the oxidated door and walked inside the cold room. A few steps in and the first thing he noticed was the large room cell and metal bars that started from the ground to the top of the ceiling. A jail cell worthy of such a military facility.

And then, he saw him.

Blue and green.

"You! What are you doing here?"

How could he be so stupid? Amy's friend was the blue hedgehog he met two days ago on the streets of the city.

"It really seems like destiny is playing a joke on me," Shadow walked towards the cell, getting closer to the blue hedgehog. "You should be grateful, I am going to save you."

Sonic watched the black hedgehog approach him in silence until he finally made a stop in front of the metal bars. He then kicked two of them, making the bars fall to the ground and made an opening big enough for Sonic to come out. The blue bur watched in silence as Shadow entered the cell, he didn't trust him.

"Come out," Shadow said as he pointed towards the exit.

"No, I don't know what you are planning but I know it's not good."

"Look, I don't have time for this! Amy is-"

Shadow's attention was taken by the writings on the walls. It was everywhere, white writing plastered across the cell's walls. Numbers, charts, writings ... complete and utter madness. Shadow would have cared less if it wasn't because he recognized the hand-writing.

Gerald Robotnik's handwriting.

The man who created him used to be here, lived his lasts moments in this prison cell. Probably even tortured by the people who killed Maria.

Shadow couldn't help it ... He felt furious, his hands trembled in anger and his whole body emitted heat. The more he looked into the writings the more anger it gave him but there was another feeling inside as well.

He could imagine it, Gerald ... Writing away his pain, giving into madness little by little. His sleepless nights, the torture of having his research destroyed, and the life of his granddaughter taken away.

Shadow now knew what it was ... It was sadness.

How could he ever doubt? How can he go against his creator's orders? He just couldn't let Gerald's pain go without revenge.

And now the mere thought of not doing anything, of doubting at the beginning ... It made Shadow sick to his stomach.

He needed to do this. There was no stopping him now.

But first.

"How do you know Amy? Is she here!?"

Things had changed now for Sonic. He feared that the black hedgehog might be planning something but he had to put those thoughts aside as his priority at the moment was to find his pink lady.

"Get out of this cell right this moment or I'll take you out ... by force." Shadow was surprised that Sonic wasn't intimidated by him. Actually, he had a smirk across his face.

"I would like to see you try."

Shadow knew that the clock was ticking. But he would do anything to wipe off that stupid smirk.

Amy knew that Shadow had asked her to leave the island, but there was just something that wouldn't let her do so.

Suddenly, Amy felt something vibrating on her dress pocket. She knew what it was, it was her pink cellphone. The pink hedgehog didn't hesitate to answer as she saw Rouge's name appear on the screen of her cellphone.

"Hello?"

"Amy! Is Shadow with you still?" Rouge's voice sounded worried and accelerated.

"No, he went inside the base a few minutes ago," Amy responded.

"Dammit, he is not answering my radio calls. Amy, listen you have to get off this island right this minute."

"Rouge, what is happening? Shadow told me the same thing! I am confused, scared! I don't know what is going on anymore."

A few seconds passed where it seemed like an eternity for Amy. She heard the white bat sigh in defeat.

"Amy, listen ... Shadow is not who you think he is."

"What are you talking about?"

"He was giving the mission to put a timed dynamite pack inside the base ... and I am sure he has already done so," Rouge said. "We must have around five minutes before this island explodes."

There were so many questions going inside Amy's head. So many things she wanted to ask Shadow but she couldn't. What she needed at the moment was to act.

"Where are you? Are you alright?" asked Amy through her phone, more desperate than anything else.

"I am trapped in a room, I am trying to contact Shadow but he just won't answer me-"

"I am looking for you!" Amy said. "And I don't care what you say, I am going inside!"

"No, Amy wait-"

Beep.

Amy finished the call and as she was about to rush in, the entrance of another friend of hers interrupted her.

"Amy! Sorry, I am late I was having problems with the Tornado."

Tails Miles Prower entered at the perfect moment. Amy smiled at him as she made her way to the machine, ready to go on top of it.

"There's no time! We have five minutes to find Sonic and Rouge before this island explodes!"

"What?" Tails looked at Amy as she finally made her way to the seat behind him on his machine.

"Just trust me!"

There was no much Tails could do but to accept the words of the pink hedgehog. Not like he minds at all, Amy was a special friend and although he wouldn't say she was the most reliable, she was definitely trustworthy.

"Alright, let's go!"

And with that, the yellow fox and the pink hedgehog venture inside the main base of Prison Island.

"I would like to see you try."

Emerald eyes met vermillion ones, they stared at each other's eyes and for a moment time didn't exist. Shadow nor Sonic were planing on backing away, and if Sonic was being honest he was ready to fight the black hedgehog. However, doubt-filled the blue bur's mind. How did this guy know Amy?

"Shadow? Are you there?"

As to break the tension between the hedgehogs, Rouge's voice began to sound from Shadow's radio. Shadow didn't respond as he felt that he didn't have the luxury to put his guard down in front of the blue one.

"I am trapped inside the security room. Have you placed the dynamite already?"

Shoot.

"Dynamite?!" Sonic said surprised and this is when Shadow knew he needed to take action now.

"I don't have time for this!"

How much time was left? A minute? Dammit.

He dropped the radio and suddenly Shadow went towards Sonic and picked up on his shoulders. Carrying him like a potato bag.

"Hey put me down!" Sonic screamed at him, trying to break free.

But he didn't, Shadow began to run as fast as he could, he needed to get to Rouge. If she had done her job, she must have Chaos Emeralds with her. All he needed to do was to Chaos Control them out of the island. After that, Shadow just needed to find for Amy who must be out of the island by now and give her the blue hedgehog.

He was fast to find her as Shadow kicked the door open and found her sitting down on the cold metal floor. There was no time left. He ran towards her as he noticed that she carrying two Chaos Emeralds, just what he needed to take them out of here.

"Shadow, wait!"

Rouge tried to stop him but Shadow didn't give her time to explain herself. She couldn't do anything but watch the black hedgehog touch the Chaos Emerald she was holding.

"Chaos Control!"

And the bomb timer went off.

"Amy was inside the base! We need to look for her!"

Rouge was almost on her knees, begging the black hedgehog who had saved her to go back to the island. Shadow still didn't know what was happening, he could hear screaming from both endings. The blue hedgehog was screaming and Rouge was almost crying, something that Shadow was unknown to.

They were on top of a building and for the moment, Shadow felt like time didn't exist. Like the things Rouge said just didn't happen. He couldn't hear anything nor feel anything.

"I am going back! If you know anything from G.U.N let me know!" Sonic said as he was about to run away. "I'll come back and make you pay black hedgehog!"

Amy and Tails were fine. They had made it out of Prison Island before it completely exploded. After getting scolded by Sonic, the pink hedgehog went back home with her tail between her legs. By what Sonic had told her, Rouge and Shadow were completely fine. She had many questions going inside her head and no answer made sense. She only had to wait and see if Shadow could provide the answers to her questions.

She had finally entered her home after a long day and she was ready to go to sleep. The pink one opens up the wooden door of her small apartment and without thinking too much about it, she closed it behind her. It was dark and the only light that could be seen was the moonlight that came across her window.

And that's when she saw him. His black fur mixed with the darkness of the room, but his blood-red eyes shone through the darkness. Like the small tint of hope had vanished from his eyes, they were cold and with no emotion. But then he noticed her and for a moment he couldn't believe it.

And there he was again. The eyes that Amy had become so fond of. For a moment, they had lost everything but now, small sparkles were created as his eyes twinkle. They stared at each other for a few seconds. The pink hedgehog waited for an explanation, not as to why he was in her apartment but an explanation of why he was looking at her as if life itself depended on it.

"Shadow?" Amy's voice was soft, she moved closer to the black hedgehog who was still sitting down on her sofa. " Are you alright-"

"I thought I had lost you too," Shadow's voice broke a little. He still felt numb, like inside a dream that didn't want to end. "I don't know what to do anymore ... I am lost ... I am lost, I don't know what to do and I have no home to go to."

For the first time in her life ... Amy felt her heart being ripped apart. At the moment, Shadow was the depiction of vulnerability. As he was sitting on the sofa, he was inclined and his elbows placed on his knees served as support as he covered his face with his hands. The pink one didn't want to say anything, but she saw how he was shaking a little, how his hands covered mostly his face and his mouth trembled a little as he didn't want to cry in front of her.

"I don't want to do it ... I don't but ... They took everything away from me ... My family, my home ..." the black hedgehog knew that he wasn't making much sense at the moment. But right now he didn't care. Many things had happened today, seeing how Gerald was pushed into insanity and the thought that he had lost Amy was too much too handle. Two parts of him battle and he didn't know which one was going to win. "But if I do it ... I will be taking everything away from you too ... How ... How can I do that to you?"

"So tell me, Amy ... What should I do?"

Amy took a small gulp and sat down next to the black hedgehog on the sofa. If there was one thing Amy knew about him is that he wasn't a bad hedgehog. There was no malice in his heart, there was just a terrible wound and a scar that hasn't healed. She didn't know the reason behind it but it didn't matter. Nothing matters but the hedgehog next to her.

"I ... I can't tell you what you should do," Amy placed a hand on Shadow's shoulder and with this, the black hedgehog finally realized that this wasn't madness. It was Amy, she was here, next to him. As if he had another chance to do, whatever he had to do. "But I can assure you ... That whatever decision you take, I'll be here."

Shadow didn't say anything but only stared at her beautiful emerald eyes.

"Shadow I promise you that whatever you do, I'll support you," Amy said. Unintentionally, her body began to move close to him. "I could never replace the family and home you had ... But I can be your home, your family ... So, don't hesitate. Do whatever you think is right ... I'll be with you on whatever path you take."

Suddenly, he felt soft arms embrace him. She was filled with the hope, the approval and acceptance he needed. Her body was warm against his, and he holds her back. Not wanting to let go, not wanting for time to pass, he will give everything to just stay like this forever.

There was no more doubt in his heart, he knew what must be done. He needed to trust that whatever he chooses to do, she will be there. And trusting Amy was the only thing he could ever be sure of.

"Thank you," Shadow holds her closer and Amy doesn't mind the contact. How long has it been since he felt at home? How long has it been since he felt like he belongs? Shadow didn't know, the only thing he knew was that he didn't want to let go of the feeling. "Thank you ... for finding me."

They met by accident but fate was the one that brought them together.

A/N: I hope you all didn't forget this story. It took me so long to finish and it's not even that long of a chapter. Anyways, next time we will see more of Team Sonic lol.

#shadamy fanfiction #shadamy #shadamy boom #amyrose #Amy Rose #shadow and amy #shadow the hedgehog #shadowxamy #sa2 #sonic the hedgehog #sonic fanfic #sonic fanfiction

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mlm-writer · 4 years

Text

Pride and Penance (John Kennex x M!Reader)

Gif Source

Pairing: John Kennex x Male Reader (trans-friendly) Rating: Mature Words: 1591 Summary: John used to be the one getting medals, awards and commendations, but since the incident with InSyndicate, that was the past. It bothers him and seeing someone taking his title of being the best was not helping. Tags: Established relationship, angst, jealousy, John is emotionally constipated, reader is not good at confrontation either, Dorian is somehow most emotionally capable, good guy Dorian, light fear of abandonment, a bit (physical) fighting, making up and kissing.

The lights were blinding as the captain stuck the shiny medal to your formal uniform. You hardly wore it, but with the latest addition to it, you would almost consider it, were it not for how incredibly uncomfortable it was. As you gave your speech, your eyes scanned the crowd for a certain detective, the man who helped you improve your shot, the man who gave you the inspiration to think outside of the box, the man whom you shared your bed with on the weekends, feeling safer being held by those hands than having a gun in your own. However, he was nowhere to be found. You noticed your words slowing, your smile growing weaker as you didn't see the man whom you wanted to thank the most. You mentioned him briefly, trying to not put any attention on the fact that he was not here and left the stage.

As you passed by your colleagues, you shook hands and received congratulations on your new medal. You have been hoarding awards, commendations and medals lately, but lately there was a lot more to work hard for. As you finally made it to the bullpen, you saw it wasn't as empty as it should have been. There he was, John Kennex, sitting at his desk, hunched over several papers. "Someone's life better depends on what you find in those documents," you commented light-heartedly, as you walked up to your boyfriend, "because you just missed your boyfriend getting his third medal."

"Congratulations," John mumbled in reply. He didn't look at you, his face twisted in a way you hadn't seen before. This was not his 'dammit I'm missing something' face or the face of 'gotta work fast or someone dies'. It looked worse and you weren't sure if you should ask about it or not.

You forced a smile on your face and sat down on the chair one desk from his. "Need some help?" He shook his head, still not looking at you and you started to feel like he was angry at you. However, angry John was yelling and hitting furniture and stomping the ground, but never the silent treatment. Your blood ran cold with what you could possibly have done that went past his anger tantrums. "Okay, then I'll leave you to it."

You cried at the nights to come. John didn't say much to you nor did he invite you over on the weekends and you did not dare to invite him either. The fondness in his eyes was gone and you were waiting for a break-up text, doubting he would break up with you in your face. However, you didn't want to break up, so you avoided him. Every time he seemed to want to have a serious talk, you deflected, discussing work or Dorian and then fled. You hadn't so much as hugged in weeks when Dorian cornered you while John was in the captain's office. "Why are you and John fighting?"

You dragged him into a supply closet, shutting the door behind you and slumping down against it, the bottled up feelings finally breaking through, the pressure too great. "I don't know," you sniffed. Dorian's hands hovered near you, coming closer and retracting again. "John started giving me the silent treatment and he never gives anyone the silent treatment, so I panicked and now I think he wants to break up, but I don't wanna break up. Dorian just please tell me what I've done." Dorian had finally decided on what to do as he crouched down in front of you and pulled you close, hugging you firmly. He was surprisingly warm, his synthetic skin radiating heat like a human's would.

Dorian patted your head and back, letting you cry it out. When you were done, he spoke up. "John thinks you're angry with him and he's been trying to apologise," he confessed, making you look up, searching his face for insincerity, but Dorian had no reason to lie. "You do know that between you, John and me, I'm the only one who can talk about his emotions? Don't you think that's weird?"

You chuckled and wiped your face. "Oh no machines are taking over the emotions industry," you joked, making him laugh too. Dorian helped you off the floor. "So you're sure John doesn't want to break up with me?"

Dorian nodded. "They got about three new bouquets down in forensics, because he keeps chickening out leaving them there instead of apologising and giving them to you."

You laughed; that did sound like John. You wiped your face again and put your hand on the door handle. "Thanks, Dorian. I guess you should consider a career as a relationship therapist, should police work not work out for you." He smiled at you as you opened the door to the supply closet. As you both walked out, you came eye-to-eye with John, his favourite mug steaming in his right hand.

"Oh so that's what's been going on," he said short of a shout, before turning on his heels and walking away from you. You looked between you and Dorian and then realised how it must look to get out of a supply closet together, your face a bit of a mess.

"John, we need to talk." "No thank you, have fun."

You rolled your eyes and followed your hot-headed boyfriend. You wanted to let him cool off, but if you were walking away now, you knew you would never push yourself to confront him again. "If you're thinking Dorian and I got something going on, you're dumb as shit John," you called out as you struggled to keep up with his pace. He didn't say anything again. "John, don't give me the silent treatment." You didn't even look where you were going and before you knew it, you were standing with your boyfriend in a hardly used, mostly broken bathroom in the corner of the precinct. He put his mug on the sink and finally turned to you. That same look from a couple of weeks ago was planted on his face.

"Maybe we should just break up," he sighed. You sputtered out partial words, your worst fears crashing into the words you had mentally prepared on the way here. Everything shattered and you were left with only shards of what you wanted to say. "Just shut up!" You went quiet, John's anger always scaring you, but it was somehow a comfort after the silent treatment. "I got the message. You're better than me and you deserve someone at your level. Don't fucking try to feed me bullshit!"

"What? You're the one gobbling up bullshit like it's a buffet!" You stomped closer to him, shoving him against the wall. He grabbed you by the arms, restraining you and keeping you at a distance as he stood against the wall. "The only reason I am better than you is because I wouldn't bail on my boyfriend getting a medal. The fuck is wrong with you anyway? I checked and you had no cases open at that time. Why weren't you there?" You forcefully pulled yourself away from him. Tears pricked in your eyes, but you tried to hold them in at all cost.

"Because I couldn't stand you getting yet another reward for doing work I taught you to do!" He punched a stall door, the sound of it echoing through the bathroom. It then dawned on you. John was jealous. He used to get medals and awards and commendations. He used to be the fastest, the one with the best aim, just the best. Now it was you taking that place. You worked your ass off to show John how well you could listen and learn from him. You wanted to show off the skills he taught you, but he took it as a slap in the face.

"I just wanted to make you proud," you muttered, "but I guess all I did was making you feel worse." You hugged yourself, looking down as you feel horrible for reminding him of all the things he could no longer do. John did not say anything and truth to be told, there was little you had to say either. You closed the distance between you and hugged him. It felt like a weight lifted off your shoulders as you were where you wanted to be most once again. John seemed hesitant, but he reciprocated eventually. “I’m sorry, I’ll try not to show off anymore.”

John squeezed your shoulder. “No, you’re such a talented officer. I just don’t want to be the one holding you back.” He kissed the side of your head and you were no longer afraid you had to let go of him.

“John, you’re the one who brings out the best in me. These medals and shit are yours too. I’m so happy you were an arrogant shit at the shooting range when we met.” He chuckled and you pulled away. “Can we just kiss and eat Chinese together?” You pouted, hoping a little acting cute would convince him.

“You’re not angry that I was… you know?” “Jealous? I mean, I get it and you shouldn't have given me the cold shoulder nor just not show up when I got my medal, but I guess you’ll just have to make it up to me.”

John grinned and pulled you in a slow kiss. “Chinese on me then?” You laughed and gave him a playful punch. Things weren’t ok quite yet, but they would be.

#john kennex #john kennex x reader #john kennex x male reader #male reader #x male reader #trans male reader #trans reader #almost human #dorian #almost human fic #almost human drn #almost human dorian #karl urban x male reader #Karl urban #karl urban x reader #karl urban x trans male reader #john kennex x trans male reader #drn #angst

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ugh-supersoldiers · 4 years

Text

It Won’t Be Long

MASTERLIST

Characters: Bucky x reader

Summary: Somehow distance is everything as much as it is nothing at all when it comes to the love you have for Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: Angst & fluff, really bittersweet (but there will likely be a part two that’s allllll fluff), this is a fic about Bucky and the reader dealing with being separated during social distancing so if that’s triggering please don’t read!

Words: 2314

A/N: This is for everyone missin’ someone while in social distancing who might need a little reminder that it won’t last forever (and for anyone who just loves some good ol fashioned bucky barnes charm). I’ve seen so much longing on my dash and I just want to say, I feel you, I love you, you will get through this, you will see the ones you love again. I wish everyone health and wellbeing.

AND AS ALWAYS REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK ARE MEGA APPRECIATED.

Missing someone is hard, even when it’s necessary.

Keep yourself away from everyone, at least six feet apart at all times. Stay in your own place of residence, don’t pay a physical visit to anyone under any circumstances. Avoid any kind of contact with anyone especially those outside of your immediate household for all reasons unless urgent.

Quarentine. You knew it wouldn’t be easy, you’d anticipated it; emotionally prepared for it, but longing for the presense of someone you love simply can’t be rehearsed into familiarity.

Longing inters like you smoke; licking up the walls and permeating even your most primive and forgotten senses until it renders itself all comsuming; suffocating, and in a twist of cruel irony it will scorch the safety of the very fire it specters.

Longing turns loving someone into torment.

Bucky Barnes. It had been months since you’d been with him.

Months.

You had phonecalls, and videochats, and texting, but it could never match up to his physical presense. It’s amazing the things about someone you realize you took for granted when you’re forced into separation.

Even so much as being in the same room as him felt like something you should have thanked god for at the time.

You’d wanted so desperately to be able to stay with him, to have him live in your apartment with you until social distancing laws were lifted, and that was almost an option - until it wasn’t.

Bucky’s anatomy rendered him in no serious danger of infection, and knowing this as soon as ‘quarentine’ entered his ears he had reached out to every medical facility around to see how he could help. The answers mostly consisted of small routine jobs that doctors and nurses struggled to find the time for, until one really struck him: let us use your biological makeup to see if it helps us solve puzzle of vaccine development.

He’d never signed on to something so quickly in his life.

“My soldier,” You’d laughed, “Always fighting for what’s right, even when it’s not his war.”

“It’s everyone’s war, doll. I’m just doing my part, like everyone else.” He’d replied.

It was true, Bucky would recover quickly from the virus in the extremely rare case that he were to contract it at all, but his work on the vaccine didn’t make him invulnerable to being a carrier and he refused to risk your life in the process of trying to help save so many.

And so, you had spent your time in your apartmen and he at the compound unless at a medical facility being poked and prodded for the sake of humanity.

It was ungodly early in the morning, nearly three. Far too early to be making a video call, but the world had come to a screeching hault months ago and since then time didn’t seem to matter all that much. And you knew for a fact that he’d still be awake.

You sipped at the tea in your mug as you sat on your bed, reaching for your phone. Your finger hovered over his contact for a moment, a last hesitation as you wondered if perhaps he was sleeping, but it didn’t stop you.

He answered after a single ring.

“I know it’s stupidly early, but I miss you so much and I don’t know what to do with myself because of it.” You whispered immediately, knowing there was little point in offering a salutation.

You could see his face illuminated by the light of his phone screen as he sat cross legged on his bed. His hair was tied back, but a few stray pieces had fallen back onto his face. He looked to be wearing a sweater. It was a soft green. He looked perfect.

“I wasn’t sleeping (Y/N), don’t worry,” He said, “I miss you too, like you wouldn’t believe but it won’t be long now, I promise.”

He tried his best to reassure you, but you both knew he couldn’t really make that promise. There was no guarentee how much more time would pass until you could be together again.

“I hate this, I can’t do it anymore. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

You were sitting with your covers pulled over your shoulders, sometimes bring a mug to your lips to sip at it. The warm glow of the fairy lights that you’d wrapped around your bedframe gave romantic definition to your features. He could swear he’d never seen something more beautiful in his life, but he thought that every single time he’d been able to see your face since he last saw it in person.

“You’re not going crazy, I would’ve told you by know if you were.” He winked.

The small laugh he earned from you made him smile, even if he could hear the subtly of the tears you were fighting.

“I love you, (Y/N). This is hard, baby, but you have to stay safe for me. We’ll make it, I know we will.”

“I know, Buck. I just feel like a piece of me missing when you’re not around.”

A tear had finally fallen from your waterline and onto your cheek. You quickly wiped it away in hopes he wouldn’t notice. He did.

His face read as if he was in physical agony. He couldn’t stand seeing you like this, but he knew there was nothing he could do other than try his best to make sure you knew he loved you, he missed you, and that this wouldn’t last forever.

“Just think about how great it’ll be when we see each other again.” He whispered, abandoning the crease in his brow in exchange for a small smile.

“It hurts to think about that.” You admitted, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

You’d purposefully tried your best not to think about it too much for that reason, in fact.

“Maybe, but it’s something to look forward to isn’t it?” He pondered, “This feels like forever, but it isn’t. We’re guarenteed to have that moment someday, so why not imagine it? It’s better than this, baby.”

You stared at him in complete awe for a moment as you remembered the man you’d met years ago. The one who couldn’t even so much as bare eye contact with someone for more than a second before looking away, or handle even the lighted touch. That same man, after so much perseverance and growth, was now explaining to you the benefit of looking forward to life’s guarenteed happy moments.

“I’m so proud of you, Buck.”

“What?” He chucked, running a hand down his face in amusement, “Not that I don’t love it when you kiss my ass, but where’d that come from, doll?”

“I’m not kissing your ass, Barnes,” You chided playfully, “I’m telling you the truth. You’ve come a long way from the person you were when you got out. I love you, and I’m amazed by you.”

‘Got out’ he knew meant escaped Hydra’s grasp. You were right, he’d gone through quite the change since then.

“What’s that saying - ‘behind every strong man’..?” He started, raising an eyebrow at you to finish it.

“‘There’s probably a woman nagging him to make dinner for once’.”

Now this really makes him laugh. You watched as his nose scrunched and the crinkles in the corners of his eyes perk up. That’s the laugh you fell for.

“Okay you know for a fact that’s not it, doll. And, I’ll have you know, in the last few weeks I’ve been forced to learn how to cook better since the only other choice is starve.” He quipped, seemingly rather confident in his new found skillset.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Guess I’ll have to show you in person.”

“Yeah...” You muttered daftly as the mention of being with him again came to fruition once more.

“It’ll be amazing.” He said almost dreamily as he closed his eyes, thinking to himself about the ordeal of you being in his arms after so long. He craved you like nothing else.

“Don’t get too full of yourself,” You giggled, “A few months is hardly enough time to match my culinary ability-”

“I meant seein’ you again, baby.”

“Oh.”

Apparently ‘oh’ was the best answer you could come up with.

“Entertain me for a minute?” He asked you, cocking his head to the side with that signature lopsided smile of his. Bucky knew very well you could never say no to that, even if it was a topic you’d be entirely avoiding.

“Lay it on me, Romeo.” You rolled your eyes, but he knew you secretly wanted to hear what he would tell you just as much as he wanted to say it, even at the risk of bittersweetness.

“Whenever they lift the distancing rules, I don’t care what you’re doing, I don’t care what time it is, I don’t care where you are-”

“It’s a pretty safe bet I’ll be here.”

“Would you let me finish?” He chuckled playfully at your interjection.

You had a habit of seeing humour as an escape, and he knew that this was no exception. He was grateful. If you were joking around and being playful with him, at least it meant you weren’t crying anymore.

“Alright, alright.” You relented, opting to drink your tea and listen to him intently.

“My point is: the moment I’m able to see you again, I will run to you. If there’s a promise I know I can make to you, it’s that. You are my whole heart, doll. Nothing can change that, not distance, not a pandemic, not even your snoring-”

“I do not snore!”

“You absolutely do and I’m not done, you little punk.” He snorted before deciding it was time to leave all joking prods aside, “Baby, I love you. I love you so much that I go to sleep thinking about the next time I can see your pretty face, and I wake up with the same thing on my mind because you give me so much joy. I can’t wait to feel you in my atmosphere, and to hold you in my arms again, and to kiss you - god - doll, I miss kissing you more than anything in the world,”

Bucky had come a long way since you met him, yes, but he did still struggle with being emotive sometimes. Saying all of these things to you so directly was a huge deal for him. You knew better than anyone else that he must mean every single word.

“And the only reason I’m still sane is because I know that I’ll get the chance to soon. I don’t know when, but I know for sure that I will. I’ll wait for you, and you’ll wait for me... and that gives me the incentive I need to keep going everyday.” He offered you a sweet smile, which you returned immediately.

You sighed, entirely lovesick.

“You’re a wonder, James Barnes.”

“Oh, (Y/N)- The first name, really?” He couldn’t help but to laugh, even while fighting of a toe curling cringe.

“What? I haven’t seen you in ages - and you know it’s torture not being able to kiss you senseless after that display of your undying love for me - and you expect me not to lighten the mood?”

He watched you raise your mug to your lips, the lips he missed so dearly. There was a glint of mischeif in your eye, the one that made him fall in love with you in the first place.

“Honestly, I don’t know how I could’ve expected anything else.” He laughed, still trying his best to read your face to see if your absorbed what he was saying.

“It’s not easy for me to deal with indefinite timelines,” You admitted, looking at the wall of your bedroom in the distance, “But you know that already. I feel this torturous sense of longing for you in my bones, and knowing that it’s going to stay there for god knows how much longer...”

“I know, doll. Trust me, I know.” He told you.

“Uncertain reunion dates in the future aside, what I can say for sure is that I have the world’s kindest, bravest, most prolific altruist for a boyfriend, and knowing that you’re not only safe but offering yourself up for the sake of others like you are-” You stopped for a moment, desperately trying to not get choked up, “It gives me so much hope.”

When he heard that, he knew you’d gotten the message. It was about finding incentives that gave you hope, that allowed you happiness in moments of forlorn longing.

“Well, shucks.”

Bucky heard you snort in reply to his witticism. He closed his eyes and smiled, truely embracing what you’d said to him. All he ever wanted was to do right by the world; to give back to it. He’d gotten the biggest second chance in recorded history, and he’d be damned if he didn’t make the most of it. Knowing you not only saw the work he put in, but that you were proud of him for it? It made him absolutely melt.

“I’m incessantly in love with you and everything you are.” You said with no chastizing mention of his first name this time.

“I love you too, (Y/N). So much.”

You hummed for a moment, and Bucky tried to decipher if you were doing it out of contentment or if you were thinking.

“You miss kissing me, huh..?”

Thinking. It had definitely been thinking. And by the delish tone of your voice and look on your face Bucky saw when he opened his eyes, it was nothing all too innocent.

You circled the rim of your mug with your finger, drawing out your next words languidly and elicited a low groan from him.

“How about you tell me what else you miss, baby?”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes imagine #mcu #marvel fanfiction #steve x reader #steve rogers x reader #winter soldier #winter soldier x reader

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astudyinfreewill · 3 years

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“look what you made me do” 2/? | masterpost

aka: me making taylor swift songs about dean winchester and/or deancas bc it’s what dean himself would want

second song on deck, as promised; this one actually has quite a few cas beats in it, especially at the start, despite it having a dean vibe overall, so it should be interesting. again, bonus fanvid link at the end <3

this is me trying

i've been having a hard time adjusting i had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

ok, we start off strong with a couplet that could suit either dean or cas. “the shiniest wheels” is actually a perfectly fitting metaphor for a show that treats cars like emotional avatars of the people who drive them (i could so easily go into a digression about how the same thing happens in trc but this is the wrong post for that... how do i keep finding myself emotionally invested in car-fetishizing media while barely being a can-drive gay myself). ANYWAY, the first thing that comes to mind is the impala and how it’s pretty much synonymous with dean’s sense of self, how it gets wrecked and rebuilt over the course of the show, often tied in to his emotional state. and dean, well. he’s built up a lot of trauma over the years, but he’s also just getting older, as humans do.

on the other hand, we could also see it as a cas line - he’s not as much of a carfucker car aficionado as dean but he’s an adoptive winchester so hey, it still kinda works (rip to the pimpmobile, gone but not forgotten). what i MEAN is -- cas has been slowly falling from grace ever since season 4. he was becoming more human in season 5 already, with a grim prediction of his human future in 5x04; then lived as human for a while in season 7; then became completely human in season 9 before regaining his grace. but in season 15, again, his grace was apparently failing (boy it would be SUCH a shame if that plot point just, like... got dropped... 😐). substitute “wings” for “wheels” and you get a picture of someone who used to be this unstoppable, super-powered angel soldier that demons cowered in fear of, but has slowly become more human over time. as for “a hard time adjusting”... well, cas’ journey towards humanity has not been the easiest transition: it’s come with self-doubt, mental and physical pain, and of course, as he learned about love: heartbreak.

TL;DR: LIFE COMES AT YOU FAST AND THESE GUYS ARE TIRED.

i didn't know if you'd care if i came back; i have a lot of regrets about that

‘kay, this next part is definitely cas. cas who, as i mentioned in the previous post, just keeps leaving, whether that’s because he’s sacrificing himself or taking off on his own. and because that typically goes over like a lead balloon with dean, either because it leaves him grieving and traumatised or it plays right into his abandonment issues (or both - hello purgatory arc!), cas would be tentative about coming back. it’s also very apparent that castiel feels like the winchesters only value him for his abilities and powers (and after all, he’s been created to be a soldier), so if he feels like he’s not being helpful enough, he also tends not to feel wanted (again: dean wants him to stay, but cas wants to be asked to stay). plus, we know every time they’ve had a falling out it takes dean a bit to get over his anger (“dean, i thought i was doing the right thing”; “yeah, you always do”) so i don’t think cas takes his forgiveness for granted, especially if he has lied to him in the process (yes i’m thinking about the mixtape episode). “a lot of regrets”, indeed.

pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down; and maybe i don't quite know what to say, but i'm here in your doorway.

here, again, the car can easily work as a metaphor for someone’s emotional state. pulling over to take a breather, to try to assess things from a distance; and with lookout points so often being perched on steep hills, it’s easy to imagine the sense of vertigo, your own fear and self-doubt almost pushing you towards dangerous, self-destructive ideas. and we know cas doesn’t do things by halves - when he’s committed to something he believes is right, he goes all out. and yes, that has led to more than one falling out.

but despite that - despite his worst fears telling him he should not come back to dean unless he’s “coming back with a win”, or able to protect him from harm (yes i’m thinking about the mixtape episode AGAIN), he does always come back to him. it’s the one thing that dean can always depend on, castiel finding his way back to him like dean is his true north. i’m here in your doorway; the please take me back once more is implied.

i just wanted you to know that this is me trying i just wanted you to know that this is me trying

(and dean does take him back, because however many times castiel feels that he has failed in his mission, he always comes back and tries again, tries harder, tries to make it right or do it better. and that’s something dean relates to - fucking up in the worst ways and getting beaten down but always getting back up, always starting over, always trying again. in fact, he’s kind of the one who taught cas that. and with that-- we move over to the dean portion of this.)

they told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential

ah, it wouldn’t be a dean pov without some good old fashioned self deprecation. “all of my cages were mental” isn’t 100% accurate in dean’s case because he has been dealt a pretty shit hand by life, but he also excels at self-sabotage. “I got wasted” is of course an allusion to his alcoholism, but then we have the clever play on words with “wasted potential”, which... hits close to home. all dean’s ever done is tried to live up to what he thought he should be, always feeling like he was falling short. never quite the favourite son, never the man his father thought he should be, not strong enough to resist hell, not the righteous sword of michael the angels expected, not good enough for the people he loves not to leave him, just not enough.

and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad i have a lot of regrets about that

...as i said above: though dean does always forgive the people he loves, it still takes him quite a bit to get over his anger at them. and when he’s angry, he lashes out, often saying things that come off cruel, things he absolutely does not mean. and this part reminds me, yet again, of dean’s painful confession in 15x09, about how he gets so angry and doesn’t know why (of course, the answer is trauma and childhood abuse; but he has no way to process that); and he tries to stop it but he can’t, and he always, always regrets it in the end.

i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here

oh, dean. dean winchester with his ged and his give ‘em hell attitude. he breaks my heart. i touched on this in my previous post, but there’s something to be said for the fact that dean had to grow up so fast, he really didn’t grow at all in some ways ( “so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere”). from a young age he was shoved in a parental role, having to be both a father and mother to sam, which meant never getting to exist just for himself. which of course, in turn, means he never got to develop a healthy degree of emotional maturity. in “bad boys”, we find out that the only time dean even got close to being a normal teenager, receiving positive reinforcement by sonny and bonding with his peers, john ripped him right out of that safe haven; and by the time “after school special” is set in, he’s given up on ever getting a shot at a healthy environment, using denial as a coping mechanism by trying to pass off his and sam’s shitty, depressing lives as super edgy and cool.

pourin' out my heart to a stranger but i didn't pour the whiskey i just wanted you to know that this is me trying i just wanted you to know that this is me trying at least i'm trying

i don’t really need to explain this bit i guess, but it’s about the implications of how it can somehow be easier to open up to a complete stranger rather than someone you care about; and how for dean, who is used to frequenting seedy bars and dives, one-night stands are as much about comfort than they are about pleasure. that’s the only way he knows how to let himself be touched, seen, held -- because of course, “no chick flick moments”, and besides, we know that when he falls in love he falls hard, so it’s safer to just roll in and out of town.

the interesting part in this context though, is that “but i didn’t pour the whiskey”, especially since we know dean, like every other winchester, tends to drown out his problems with alcohol; so him choosing to not do that, and instead just look for comfort from a stranger (whether it’s through sex or just chatting away at a bar) is, in itself, a sign of trying to do better. because if there’s one thing dean knows how to do, is trying, and trying, and trying again. in fact, as i mentioned above, it’s kinda where cas learned it too. and we know dean is a stand-in for human nature, so of course, this is also a larger discourse of how humans are flawed and imperfect but can always improve, always do better, always try harder or be more. and maybe that’s what makes a righteous man, really.

and it's hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town

this next part... listen. i don’t know how it fits into the narrative of trying, but what i do know is i can’t stop thinking about grieving dean. about how every time he loses cas, a little piece of him dies too, but it’s a piece that gets bigger and bigger every time, carving a hollow inside him. it’s unsightly, it’s unforgiving, it’s raw - it’s like an open wound. and as much as dean has always taken on the role of the person who puts on a brave face, makes a joke, and pushes all his feelings down, well -- it’s hard to that; it’s hard to focus on anything else when he’s missing cas like a phantom limb. “all i want is you” which is to say i’d rather have you, cursed or not; which is to say, i need you. need you badly enough to see your face everywhere after escaping purgatory, just like “a flashback in a film reel”.

and i just wanted you to know that this is me trying (maybe i don't quite know what to say) i just wanted you to know that this is me trying; at least i'm trying.

so, yes. dean is trying. he’s always trying, even though healing and progress are not linear or easy. and he knows he’s got anger issues, he knows he’s bad with his words, but damn it, he always shows up for the people he loves, and he tries to do better, every. damn. time. partly because he’s us, he’s all of us, he’s human perfectibility incarnate; and partly because he loves cas so damn much and maybe if he gets it right this time he’ll get to keep him -- and i don’t know which of the two options makes my heart hurt the most.

---

fanvid rec link here! it’s only for the second half of the song, so the more dean-centric one :)

#spn #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #spn meta #deancas #taylor swift #lyrics #taylor swift x destiel #lwymmd #mp #this is me trying #long post

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papers4me · 4 years

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Fruits Basket SE02. Ep 14

This is a build up: to the teacher conference & catching up with the aftermath of the beach after hatori/mayu & student council break. Tohru has 5% of of this ep! & not the usual ‘moma tohru/sohma’s savior tohru/ happy tohru/ healing tohru”. NO!! It’s real person with real issues tohru!!! scared lonely teenage tohru!!! celebrating the crumbs thrown to me!!!!!!! XD.

(1) Haru!!! The lighter version of tohru’s kindness:

I was right!! haru was there for yuki!! He was 13/14 years old when he asked shigure to take yuki, putting himself in danger by sneaking few moments to sit with yuki whenever he can. As a kid, he’s done than all the adults. His support comes from genuine concern over yuki. Haru is a lighter & healthier version of tohru’s kindness. He supports yuki & can get in danger but he’s not neglecting himself. he faced his demons early on as a kid & got over his hate which was caused by the adult’s mockery of him. He learned to love/accept himself & found love with rin, he didn’t selflessly sacrifice anything despite her attempts to leave him. He showed selfless kindness towards yuki, kisa, & rin. He still can turn dark but this is part of him being imperfect. Moreover, haru didn’t hold on to yuki, imposing his guidance & his support. he stands in the near distance. I’ll support you but you need to go search for your path yourself. He also understands that yuki can’t do like him & stay around helping haru in his issues with rin cuz (a) romantic issues are mostly exclusive to the ppl involved & interference may cause harm, (b) yuki needs to focus on himself now & not escape into other ppl’s issues like tohru does. He needs to face his future & haru is there to tell him so. Again the writer is telling us yuki will do/choose right even in moments of doubt cuz ppl will be there to support him. This ep, it’s haru ushering him into focusing on his path & resisting the need to escape the pressure. we’ll see others step in for yuki until he can stand on his feet.

(2) Tohru!!! The abandoned/lonely teenager:

Her only loving relative might soon leave, he’s old & sick. Her mom wasn’t sick nor old. Yet, she left. Tohru’s fear of abandonment intensifies. From the moment she got the phone call, her face screams “Don’t leave me”. teacher conference usually involves parents. It’s supposed to be her mom that’s attending with her. it’s her mom’s dream to get into high school & she would’ve proudly visit the teacher to talk abt tohru’s future. except this time tohru goes with a stranger..not even her grandfather. Shigure genuinely cares for tohru, despite the ulterior motive of seeing Mayu. but he’s still a stranger who doesn’t know her or her future plans. Shigure’ll be present physically with her but she’s all on her own. Kyo saw that when he entered the house. He saw her pain despite the cheerful smile. Guess whose fault that kyoko isn’t here now? kyo. Guess who’s guiltily went to his room & stood there in the dark? kyo. Guess who couldn’t face tohru the next day? kyo.

-”why do they both have to pass away, I want to ge see them”!! Tohru begs her grandfather to stay with her, him suddenly dozing off caused her anxiety attack, it has been building inside her since hiro’s words. “ i want to see him” kyoko said!!! & oh she ended up really going to him..“its okay” it isn’t. “always together” they aren’t. tohru flashback is clearer. Kyoko abandoned tohru somehow around her father’ funeral. For some reason the door is locked literally & metaphorically between tohru & the sense of safety & being wanted!!. It’s too much for her!!. she” do anything, say anything, just don’t TAKE mom away!” alas~ Her mask cracks. Her legs fail. she can’t stand. she falls. she breaks. she’s alone. kyo’s here with her. Present physically & emotionally. Tohru’s angel. Except he’s real. if she reaches out, he won’t disappear. He’s not TAKEN from her (not yet). Tohru smiles genuinely without putting her mask back on. kyo, unlike haru, can’t hug tohru becuz of the curse. He uses head pats instead. lovingly, kindly & tenderly patting her head. “it’s normal to be worried when a relative is ill”, “don’t push yourself” is that like kyo’s 5th advice to tohru now?. “do you plan to sit here forever” carries more than the literal meaning, along with him actually holding her arm & pulling her up! followed by teasing her to ease her back into normality. Now it’s really “okay” for tohru cuz someone who cares is really here with her. present by body & soul. kyo teasing her shifted her focus from painful past into a flirty chat & musings in Arisa’s expense. It’s similar to when tohru helped yuki with his first encounter with akito in school by suggesting playing to cast away the fears. except this time someone is doing this for tohru!!Her struggles are seen despite the mask. she’s not a lonely teenager, she is receiving an emotional well-needed help. however...this is but the tip of the iceberg. tohru hasn’t opened her lid yet. she should or she’ll break down soon..

-The faulty/over usage of the Voice-Over technique:

Usually this tool is used by writers to send messages they believe is hard to catch for readers/viewers or for foreshadowing. It’s done mostly when (a) a character is watching a scene unfold in front of them & they comment internally, or (b) they are narrating a scene/story. However, that’s not the case in this ep. (I’m not talking abt internal monologue, that’s a different case & is totally suitable when character talks abt themselves when the scene only show them & doesn’t switch into a different place entirely). This ep is weirdly stuffed with voice-overs by kagura, yuki, haru & shigure done over multiple scenes & it was poorly done (in my personal opinion) as it caused confusion in the episode’s flow, especially the kagura’s part. Manga/still pictures are different from anime/moving pictures, therefore manga writers feel the need to insert lines said by this or that over another scene to connect what the still image might fail to express. Moreover writers publish monthly & there might be periods of hiatus, so they need to remind readers of certain themes. Anime/shows are totally different medium. The images moves with expressive facials expressions, colors, characters voices, & music to convey a message. How can you have all that & cause confusion? or over saturate a single ep with one tool?

-when kagura's voice is over kyo’s image in school, it shows kyo looking at tohru sadly. i really was confused on why kyo is still sad abt kagura, I didn’t notice tohru walking alone at first, then kyo went home before changing his mind. I kept thinking he’s gone to kagura!! or that he’ll go to Akito cuz kagura’s words expressed guilt?? or he changed his mind & would confess to tohru cuz of kagura’s words of illogical love?? when he didn’t tell tohru where was he heading for the longest time I was confused that he’s hiding sth!! it wasn’t until I watched the ep twice & omitted kagura’s part that I got it!! Why didn’t the show let us hear kyo’s thoughts directly instead of kagura’s confusing voice over?? it’s not like he’ll tell us kyoko’s promise? he’ll express what we already know! that he’s struggling to either let go of tohru or be there for her... why is that hard to express to viewers using kyo? If kyo’s thoughts MUST be blocked, then why NOT use the most effect method for shows/ moving pictures which is Show-Not-Tell???. They’re trying to do that but felt the need to insert kagura’s thoughts over to help us understand??? shame how the result is total confusion & loss of impactful scene for tohru/kyo unless you watch it twice to analyze. It was in my 2nd watch with omitting kagura’s scene that I understood why kyo was off/sad & where was he headed. Very poorly done.

-Yuki’s/Shigure’s/haru’s voice-over didn’t cause confusion but was excessively done in a single ep, Moreover, it carries the feeling of the shows flaw: the need to guide viewers’ thoughts to the door step in certain scenes or leave them without anything in other scenes. Again I’m not talking abt the monologues, I’m talking abt the images of other characters they showed over the voice when others are in discussion. It felt too on the nose for me this time.

Side Notes:

There are some moments in this show, more than other shows, where I feel like I’m reading more than watching or hearing audio book over still images, which is shame since the story itself is superb & the anime has all the tools it needs to express all themes visually. It also adds to the flaw of “imbalanced expression” that this show suffers from sometimes.

Rin & haru relationship..wow.. I’ll hold on talking abt them until I see more. Haru is a dear fave of mine. I’m sure Rin worth the wait.

Yuki’s Japanese VA is awesome! he’s one of my top 5 VAs in furuba.

I’m in love with tohru’s crumbs. Feed me more, show! plz.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #confused paper #tohru honda #precious tohru #SE02

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in-class-daydreams · 4 years

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:000 Offends me?? For wanting to read my writing??? Anon, I adore you, you’re so sweet and I appreciate you being considerate of me <3 Thank you for the sweet ask and just for you, I will post a snippet of the first draft of Neo!Blue Star that I’m trying out!

Love,

Admin Mango-Chan

(Reposting this bc tumblr hates me and refuses to let me format my posts dammit)

NEW! Blue Star Sneak Peek under the cut!

Pairing: Oikawa Tooru x Reader

Chapters: [In Progress]

Genres: Fluff, angst, sexual implications/content

Warnings: None in this snippet

Summary: After a physically and emotionally traumatizing fall during Nationals in your first year of high school, you’ve decided that you hate volleyball now. You transfer to Seijoh High and apparently you’re an anime protagonist, because even when you want to keep your head down, drama seeks you out. You meet an avid fanboy of yours, come across an old friend, and apparently your childhood crush is stupidly hot now, so finishing high school is looking to be a lot harder than you thought.

That morning, I noticed someone staring at me, but I figured I was just being paranoid. I felt eyes on me again on my way back to the classroom. New kids get stares, sure but this dude’s gaze was locked on me.

He was a bit on the taller side with glasses and a ash brown undercut. Even with the glare from his glasses, I felt the intensity of his stare. His stare cut across the hall from his place leaning by the window, surrounded by a couple other students I assumed were friends of his. Despite their presence, his sole attention was on me, and I felt him looking at me all the way up until I got back to class.

‘Well, that was super creepy,’ I thought, but I ignored the uneasy feeling and opened my notebook to start class again.

Not a whole lot happened that first week of school. I went to class, that weird guy stared at me during breaks, then I went home. People stayed away from me and I kept my distance from them. It was the perfect setup. I did as much homework as I had the energy to do, and on my worse days, Wakatoshi came over to hang out and help me through the rest of it.

Nothing interesting happened until the following Tuesday, after I’d stayed behind after school to talk to an advisor. That was when I ran into that creepy weirdo in the stairwell after school.

“Oh, it’s you! Hi!” He grabs my hand in both of his. I immediately yank it back, but he doesn’t seem to care. Instead of replying, I just stare at him. He takes a step forward, ending up even deeper in my precious personal space.

“I’m Itoi Justin! I can’t tell you how excited I am to meet you!”

I lean back and eye him warily, getting a pretty good idea of where this conversation was headed.

“Uh, okay,” I say dumbly.

This Itoi is apparently perfectly content with having a one-sided conversation.

“I’ve been following your career since forever! I was so sad when you disappeared after your injury, and to think I’d meet you here of all places! It’s just-- I mean--!”

The guy is absolutely breathless in excitement, and it’s getting super uncomfortable.

“Look,” my nails scrape at the inside of my bracelet, “I don’t know who you think I am, but I’m not her.”

I sidestep him to make for the exit, but he gets in front of me. Once again, he’s way too close.

“No!” He shakes his head so hard I’m worried his glasses are gonna fly off, “I’d know you anywhere! You’re her, you’re the Blue Star!”

Blue Star. Huh. I haven’t genuinely been called that in a long time.

“You used to be-- Hey, are you okay? I’m not gonna bite you, y’know.”

I glare up at him. He seems to shrink back a bit even though he’s almost a head taller than me.

“Well, I’m in an empty stairwell with some guy I don’t know who likes getting up in my personal space,” I poke a finger into his shoulder and he steps back willingly, “And he’s bringing up old shit that I moved here to avoid, so I can’t say I’m having a great time right now.”

Itoi visibly deflates. Even his glasses seem to slide down his nose a little bit in disappointment. He looks so sad that I feel kinda bad for being mean to him, even though I’m like this to everyone.

“Oh, I, uh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he says quietly. He shifts in his spot like he wants to stay, but is having second thoughts.

“Don’t worry about it,” I say, shoving my hands into the pocket of the hoodie I’m wearing under my uniform blazer. I brush past him, fully intending to make a hasty exit, but I can’t seem to get myself to leave. Cursing myself, I turn back around.

“Fine, Ichi--”

“Itoi.”

“--you come on a little strong, but I appreciate that you were my fan at some point.”

I take a labored seat on the stairs and try my best not to manspread in a skirt. Resting my elbows on my thighs I look back up at him.

‘Mm, he’s pretty cute,’ I think to myself.

It seems like all the life came back to him with that one sentence pseudo-apology. His eyes are shining with delight and he takes a seat next to me. He acknowledges my need for space, as he slides away from me to the other side of the stair.

“My father’s a journalist for the same publisher as Volleyball Monthly. He took me to one of your games for an article of his and I’ve been a fan ever since,” he tells me. “Even after my dad transferred to a different magazine, I kept following your career online.”

I make a face like I drank rotten milk, “Why?”

Itoi turns to me. For the first time, his face is missing the overwhelming excitement and it’s replaced by gentle, but passionate, admiration.

He grins, “I wondered that myself. I thought it was weird how interested I was in some random city girl’s volleyball career.”

“It is pretty weird,” I say.

The brunette huffs a laugh at my comment, “Maybe, but… I don’t know. It’s like when I saw you play, you weren’t just playing the game. It seemed like the game flowed through you. Your game came as naturally to you as breathing, and I could understand how you got your nickname. I never saw someone shine so bright.”

Even while my nails are nervously dragging against the engraving, I resist my desire to flee. Of course I’d been praised before, but never so openly and so, I guess, genuinely. My heart is stuttering in my chest in embarrassment, and I can’t seem to keep my voice stable.

“I-- Uh, thanks,” I grunt.

Itoi leans in further, “But I confess, I came to talk to you for a reason.”

“You came to murder me horribly.”

“Sadly, no.”

“Darn.”

The boy giggles. He looks forward and seems to stare off into space. “So, after I saw you and how electric you were playing volleyball, I tried to learn to play myself.”

“And how’d that go?”

“Terribly. I have the athletic skills of soft tofu.”

The corners of my mouth lift slightly.

“Once I realized I’d never be good at volleyball ever, I became a manager of the boys’ team in my first year. I’m better at the thinking and the analyzing, y’know?”

“We’re really playing into that glasses character stereotype, aren’t we?” I quip.

“You bet we are. The thing is, there’s a certain level of thinking to the game that requires experience on the court. I can’t provide that, but--” his intensity is back up and his eyes are boring into my soul, “You can.”

I pause, taking in everything he’s saying. The implication of what he’s asking washes over me like a hurricane.

“No.”

“Hear me out--!”

“No way!”

I stand up and stomp towards the exit.

“You need to join a club anyway!” He says desperately. Itoi gets up to follow me.

I reply without turning around, “I don’t care.”

“Don’t you want to be involved with volleyball again?” he asks.

My jaw clenches almost painfully. He takes me by the arm, and rather than slap him silly, I say nothing, and he continues.

“You used to love it. I can’t pretend to know what you’ve been going through, but I can’t imagine you want to abandon it completely,” he says desperately.

His tone makes my chest hurt for some reason. Right now, he’s annoying the crap out of me. He met me today. He’s only ever seen the me play volleyball at my tragically early prime, and he’s naive to think that using some lines an anime protagonist would say right before the final battle would magically fix every problem I’ve ever had since I ate shit in front of hundreds of people a year ago. I couldn’t tell you how I feel about abandoning volleyball but I do know that I feel like I want to vomit whenever I see a net.

I violently wrench my arm away and put space between us.

“You’re right,” I snap. “There’s no way you could understand what I’m going through. But don’t feel bad,” I hitch my bag up higher and throw a look backwards over my shoulder, “Not a single person does. Find yourself another manager.”

As I leave, I fully expect Itoi Justin to stop fanboying once and for all after finding out that the Blue Star is a bitchy, cynical person who can’t even play volleyball anymore anyway. I guess it was my fault for underestimating his blind faith in me.

“So?” he asks.

I stop in the doorway in surprise.

“What?”

He crosses his arms, making no move to come closer to me now that he has my attention. I could walk out the door right now, heaven knows I wanted to, but somehow that asshole knows I’m going anywhere.

“Of course no one understands how you feel. People may have seen you get injured or have heard of it, but in the end, you’re the one that got hurt. How’s anyone else supposed to know what you’re thinking? Bite and snap at me all you want, but it won’t make me feel your pain.”

He runs a hand through his hair, “I want you to be co-manager with me. I’m in my third year and I want the team to be taken care of after I graduate. I’m not asking you to play again or to give me an answer right now, just… Just consider my offer, okay? No one on the team knows who you are, if that makes you feel any better. And there’s one more thing...” he hesitates.

“Hurry up,” I say.

“The truth is, Seijoh has never gone to Nationals before,” he says slowly. “But you? You were projected MVP for a team almost certain to make it to at least the semi-finals!”

I give him a look, “And we both know that definitely didn’t happen.”

“I know, I know! I just-- They - the boys, I mean - have been working so hard and they’re so talented, (L/N). Please, you need to join a club anyway, and if you can’t do it to save your own soul or as a favor to me, can’t do it to help them? You remember wanting to go to Nationals, don’t you? Volleyball Monthy listed you as the number--” I cut him off.

“Holy shit, you talk so much it makes my head hurt!” Rubbing my forehead, I think about my first year in high school. He’s wrong about most things he said about me, but he’s right that, at one time, I wanted nothing more than to win Nationals. I remember wanting it so bad, by entire being would electrify just thinking about it.

Itoi waits patiently as I stare at the floor in careful deliberation. With a loud sigh, I look back up at him.

“Fine,” I snap.

“You’ll consider it?” he practically screeches.

“I’ll consider considering it,” I grumble and try once more to take my leave. He doesn’t stop me this time, but when I’m out of sight, I can hear his excited screaming echoing throughout the stairwell.

#haikyuu!!#haikyu #haikyuu x reader #oikawa tooru #oikawa x reader

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razorblade180 · 5 years

Note

Hey how about the Data farms couple going on their first date alone? Also how you holding up man?

{I’m alive so that’s something I guess😅}

[Jaune’s apartment]

Jaune:Oscar are you ready yet?

Oscar:*bathroom* NO!!!!

Jaune:I hate to rush you but your date is in like thirty minutes.

Oscar:I’m just making sure everything is perfect. I want this night to go well.

Jaune:You make it seem like this is your first date with Penny. The two of you hung out at the carnival and the lake where both of kissed more than once.

Oscar:I know but this is different; this time we’re actually alone and have no wingman to help.

Jaune:Ruby and I almost let you drown on accident. I can’t say we were helping you out a lot then.

Oscar:Maybe next time don’t abandon me to go make out with Ruby in the lake.

Jaune:You’re asking a lot out of me.

Oscar:*walks out in a tux* How do I look?

Jaune:*fixes tie* like a man trying to impress a girl that’s clearly into him. So just like most people.

Oscar:Cool, any advice for me? Final words of wisdom?

Jaune:Hmmm sometimes a girl will ask for help or bring something up they can actually handle. Just be a gentleman anyways.

Oscar:You mean how when Ruby says her purse is too heavy on her even though she carries a scythe?

Jaune:Exactly that, she just wants me to carry it for her and it’s fine. Most importantly, be yourself. Penny seems to like how much of a dork you are. *smiles*

Oscar:Who you calling a dork, you dork? *laughing*

[Ruby’s car]

Penny:*rocking back and forth*

Ruby:You seemed stressed.

Penny:I’m calm Hic! okay I’m a little nervous. Hic! I am losing my mind....*blushing*

Ruby:You’ll be fine. Just one question. Why are you going to a restaurant when you don’t eat?

Penny:I panicked asking him out. Anyways I’ll just eat the food and it’ll turn to surplus energy. Also if I’m going to have tastebuds then I want to use them.

Ruby:Wait, Atlas knows how to turn food itself into energy that’s good enough to power an Android?

Penny:........

Penny:I cannot confirm or deny the previous question.

Ruby:Were you trained to say that?

Penny:I cannot confirm or d-

Ruby:That answers my question. Anyways, I just want you to remember to have fun, don’t do anything crazy, and if you guys go on walk or something then say you’re cold.

Penny:If I get cold I just turn of my-

Ruby:Trust me Penny, just say you’re cold. *parks car* Best of luck!

Penny:What will you be doing now that we aren’t hanging out. *gets out*

Ruby:I think I can find something to do. *mumbles* like my boyfriend.

Penny:What?

Ruby:Nothing!🎶 *slowly driving away*

Our nervous android walks through the door to see many tables set in a beautifully designed restaurant that looks like something only the elite could afford. Well let candles are on every table and a chandelier shines nicely on the ceiling.

Penny:*takes a breath* (If you were made to fight a war, you can handle a date.) *sees Oscar*

Oscar:*patiently waiting at a table in his tux.*

Penny:(You can’t handle this)

Oscar:*swaying in the chair*

Ozpin:(Stop loo-)

Oscar:*jolts* (Oh my god you scared me!? I thought we agreed you’d go away for the night?)

Ozpin:(I wouldn’t have said anything if your heart wasn’t beating like a drum. Are you sure you don’t want me around)

Oscar:(Positive)

Ozpin:(Remember that time you were folding clothes and basically had a panic attack because Ruby’s bra somehow got mixed in with your clothes?)

Oscar:......(Just don’t speak unless I say something to you.)

Ozpin:(That’s fair. What if you space out though?)

Oscar:(I’m not gonna-)

Penny:Hey Oscar.

He turns to see his beautiful date in front of him, and beautiful was an understatement. Right now he was captivated by Penny wearing a long green dress with no shoulder straps. It shimmered slightly in the candle light and had a decent size slit on the right side. On her ears and around her neck were some sort of gem that matched her now curled hair perfectly. The girl was shyly twiddling her thumbs as her face was a little red.

Oscar:*flustered beyond belief*............

Ozpin:(*cough* )

Oscar:*snaps out of it* H...Hi! You look...wow.

Penny:Really? It’s not too much? I could take of the necklace or-

Oscar:No, you look....you’re perfect as you are.

Penny:Th...thank you. You...look very handsome in that. *blushing*

Oscar:Thanks *pulls seat out for her*

Penny:*snorts* hehehe

Oscar:What’s so funny?

Penny:Nothing really, it’s just a little weird for someone to do things like this for me. I’m not exactly delicate. *sitting down*

Oscar:I know, but this is a date and I was raised to do this sort of thing. *sits down* So, how have you been?

Penny:I’ve been fine. Spent time with Ruby earlier and she helped me get ready for tonight. Other than that it has been a tad boring though. For the pass few weeks I haven’t really left the base here. Doing a lot of test.

Oscar:Test?

Penny:Just some routine maintenance. Making sure I’m learning about the world efficiently as well as properly. Oh, also I got some upgrades I wanted that should’ve been obvious in hindsight.

Oscar:Please tell me it’s a floating device?

Penny:*giggles* Yes, I can float now. I told my father about the lake situation and we both agreed that a situation like that shouldn’t happen again. I was so tired of seeing the bottom of-

Her train of thought was cut off by Oscar’s look. A calm smile was worn on his face with soft eyes. She could tell he was listening intently but there was something about that look that started to make her a little shy. Everything about the situation even made her stomach feel fluttery. Was that even possible!?

Oscar:Something wrong?

Penny:Sorry, it’s just.....why are you looking at me like that? Not that I mind your smile since it’s really nice.

Oscar:Oh, well thank you. *smiles* I’m smiling because not so long ago you were afraid of tell me anything about yourself. Now you wanna full conversation about it. It’s nice.

Penny:Heh, you’re looking at me new in approved. Physically and emotionally.

Oscar:So, anything else you want to share? I’m all ears.

Penny:*grins* Okay! Umm...hold out your hands, palms up.

Oscar:*does it*

Penny:*holds them*Notice anything strange? Or should I say normal?

Oscar:...Umm, I’m bad at guessing games. All I feel is warm pal- hey your hands are warm, and also really soft.

Penny:Yep! Body heat, more sensors for feelings, and just about anything to feel more normal I suppose. It’s weird, last week I bummed into a soldier and it actually stung a bit. Pain wasn’t a feeling they wanted to give me but I think it’s an important part of-

Oscar:Feeling alive? *rubbing her hand*

Penny:Exactly, I know I’ll never truly be normal but I want to get as close as possible. I want us to feel as normal as possible...

Oscar:*red* Us?

Penny:Yeah, us.... *eyes widened* wait are not? *gasp* did I miss read these signs? Ruby told me about this thing called “subtext” and how to read it but I’m starting to think I might have been seeing it wrong. Which is really scary if- *rambling*

Oscar notices they’re drawing a bit of attention around and starts getting a bit anxious himself. He tries to calm her down but nothing seems to work.

Ozpin:(I know you’re not asking for help but might I offer a small tip?)

Oscar:(Uhhhh sure?)

Ozpin:(Let her know she’s not wrong.)

Oscar:(Geez I’m dumb.) Penny, look at me. *holds hands tighter*

Penny:*worried* Y..yes?

Oscar:I....I like being an us. You didn’t miss read anything. Spending time with you is really nice and this entire day felt super long because I wanted it to get to the part where I got to see you again. I want....I want to be your..... *flustered*

Penny:*eyes widened* Yes...

Oscar:*red* What?

Penny:*looking away*.............

Penny:Be my boyfriend, please?

Oscar:...So do you have better sensors everywhere?

Penny:What?

Oscar:You said you can feel . That would mean you could everywhere right?

Penny:Yeah, but what does that have to do with-

Once again her words were cut short. Instead of his eyes though; it was his hand rubbing her face. Penny knew her sensors where in full effect because the sensation was way more intense than the lake. Not only that but she was definitely feeling way warmer than usual. It was nice, so leaning into it felt more than natural.

Oscar:*pulling back* Feeling better?

Penny:Can you always do that if I ramble?

Oscar:*chuckling* Only if you do same for me.

Penny:Consider it done. *rubbing her arm* uh, could we possibly, you know. *leaning*

Oscar:As eager as I am?

Penny:No Hic! yes...*blushing*

Oscar:Good to know. *leaning*

“Ms. Polendina?”

Penny:Huh? *turns head*

Soldier:Sorry to have interrupted your night out but you are needed back at the base for a briefing. I was told to escort you.

Penny:Awwww but that was supposed to be tomorrow. I’m in the middle of a date, *sheepishly* with my boyfriend.

Oscar:*internal screaming*

Ozpin:(Please stop screaming)

Oscar:If it’s not too much to ask, maybe I could walk her home?

Soldier:I’m not sure if-

Penny:*puppy eyes* Pretty please Mr...*looks a tag* Mr. Tanaka sir!

Tanaka:......Sigh, please don’t dilly dally on the way ba- *hugged*

Penny:Thank you! I mean... *salutes* Yes sir!

Oscar:Shall we then?

Penny:We shall, too bad we didn’t even get to eat.

Oscar:I know right!? The service here sucks.

[City Streets]

The road to the base is relatively quiet. Snow gently falls to the ground while street lights make a trail of golden light. Both of then continued to enjoy each other’s company and walk casually. Cool air blows lightly, causing Penny to remember Ruby’s words. She slowly wrapped her arms around herself and started to rub them.

Oscar:You cold?

Penny:Uh...something like that. *supressing hiccup*

Oscar:*takes off blazer* Here you go.

Penny:Won’t you be cold though?

Oscar:I don’t mind a little cool air. Farm life had its frigid moments. *drapes it over her*

Penny:(This smells nice) That reminds me, I spent so much time talking about me that you didn’t talk much about yourself.

Oscar:Nothing much to tell really. Life’s been pretty average.

Penny:You have two souls.....

Oscar:Life’s been my standard of average. *smiles* Just the occasional internal monologue and grimm patrol.

Penny:Is he talking right now?

Oscar:Nah, we made an agreement for him not to intrude on our date.

Ozpin:(Tell her I said hi...)

Oscar:He says hello.

Penny:Hi Professor. I wish my body guards also didn’t intrude. I suppose you’ll have to tell me more about having two souls another time. Seeing magic would be quite the experience.

Oscar:Funny, I wasn’t thinking you’d actually call it that. I thought you would’ve gone a more scientific route.

Penny:Well I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sound illogical and completely goes against what society knows. However, I can’t deny that it might exist; there’s one shred of evidence that supports it.

Oscar:Really? What’s that?

Penny:It sounds a bit ridiculous but...how do I explain this? *stops walking*

Oscar:*stops*?

Penny:I know I’m not human when it comes to most things. Indeed I have an aura which people consider a soul but even so, I’m still not like everyone else by a wide margin. This is a fact and it’s a fact that I’m okay with; different doesn’t mean I’m inferior or superior. It makes me well, me. But ever since I met you things feel....different.

Oscar:Different?

Penny:*twiddling her thumbs* Like, everything that we do feels scary yet exciting. Things make sense but at the same time, not at all. My stomach starts to feel a little weird too. It’s not some glitch either; I’ve checked plenty of times. I know I’m an android but whenever I look at you......*blushing* it’s like I forget that. I become... just another girl. *looks down*

Oscar:Maybe you’re more human than you think.....

His hand makes it’s way to her chin and tilts her head up. Beautiful green eyes stare right at him with pure and varying emotions; each one he was certain he was feeling too. Fear, anxious, excitement, apprehension, courage, confusion, yet also clarity. The nerve he worked up at the restaurant had vanished and he found it a little challenging to get any closer than he already was. Penny didn’t move either for a moment. She was too fixated on his eyes again; Both her hands found their way to his sleeves however and was tugging Oscar closer painstakingly slow. Pushing down all their anxiety, they both go in for for a kiss. Time stopped mattering and so did the cold. Only thing they focused was each other; their simple kiss under a street light in the snow.

[The base, several minutes later]

Penny:*In uniform and walking though the halls*

Ciel:Oh, There you are Ma’am. You are several minutes behind schedule.

Penny:I’m sorry. Penny Polendina is here and reporting for duty. We’ll still make it before the meeting actually starts. You shouldn’t let that watch rule your life ya know.

Ciel:I suppose you might have a point to a degree. So, was your night out a pleasant one?

Penny:*blushing* Best night yet...

[Jaune’s apartment]

Oscar:*walking in* I’m back Ja-

Jaune:*watching a movie* Oh, you’re back earlier than I thought.

Ruby:*only in Jaune’s hoodie* Oh no, did something happen? Also hi!

Oscar:*avoiding eye contact* Hey Ruby. Penny got called into a meeting so the date was cut short.

Ruby:And after all that work I put in to make her look all cute for the night; not that she needed it. Was it nice while it lasted at least?

Oscar:Yeah.....really nice. *blushing*

#rwby #oscar pine #penny polendina #ciel soleil #ruby rose #jaune arc #rwby lancaster #rwby data farms #rwby ozpin

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ghostmartyr · 5 years

Text

SnK 122 Thoughts

In the world of the living, injustices go unanswered. Villains are allowed to prosper. Crimes that go against everything humanity should stand for become so standard that people tire of feeding the outrage that should come naturally. Yes, the world is wrong. Oh well. There’s nothing to be done. This is the way it is.

There are monsters outside. Don’t ever go there. There are monsters outside. Don’t ask how they came to be. There are monsters outside. Don’t expect sympathy if you die trying to vanquish them.

This is how it is. Don’t fight it.

Die, and let your continuing legacy be death.

Do not question it.

Be a good girl.

In a world like that, destruction becomes salvation. A world like that does not deserve to survive.

How magnificent it would be if that meant it didn’t. How magnificent it would be if every trace of it were trampled to death, never to rise again.

Surely that would be right.

In the arena of mental health, a popular distortion--that I’m sure the internet has more than a passing familiarity with--is referred to as black and white thinking. Something must either be good or bad. There is no room for nuance. Pick a side, and set the other one on fire.

What I’ve found in my personal experience is that the more heightened your emotional stress, either from the topic at hand or just in general, the easier it is to fall into that type of thinking. The opposing viewpoint is such an active affront that paying it any consideration feels like physical pain. Annihilating it makes more sense than trying to reason with it.

Eren has always provided a good window into that emotional state. He isn’t without nuance, and he can learn from others, but he feels things very deeply. He feels things very deeply in a world that has initially forgotten what that even looks like. Eren is a suicidal bastard for wanting his world to be something better than it is. It takes years and several superpowers for his people to see him as more than that.

With the stark, horrifying glimpse at the OG Ymir’s life, it is difficult to mind that the world is exploding.

The fact that someone is finally willing to hug this girl and let her have her own feelings is more important than anything else.

Two thousand years, and the closest anyone ever came to thinking this cycle should stop was to lock all of her descendants in a cage and take away all their choices, just as with the very first round.

As abominable as what Eren has done is, and as outlandish as the logic that’s taken him through all of this is, Eren has always been relatable because he’s human.

He isn’t like Jean, who longs for the average but has his eyes opened and chooses to be something more. Eren is humanity’s extremes.

Within the confines of the world he lives in, the fact that the walls just when kaboom is not good. It is, by many standards, very, very bad, and this is a problem that goes beyond the current problems, which Eren caused, which are similarly very, very bad.

Most of what Eren has done is incredibly bad. In ways that can’t be understated.

Yet the desire to see this world destroyed is perfectly understandable. As a member of the audience, watching Ymir’s life and seeing every speck of her freedom and agency violated time after time, only for no one and nothing in the world fight back for her sake--

It almost feels triumphant, giving her choice enough to become yet another monster of destruction in her ever-persisting line.

Thousands giant monsters erupting from their cages and spelling doom for anyone who crosses them feels like a fair response to Ymir’s suffering, and it is incredibly tempting to let this world burn. A world that does this to a little girl deserves as much agency as it’s given her.

Eren hugging her and letting destruction fall does not feel like the disaster it is, in light of everything she has been through.

Emotionally.

On every other level, including several different emotional ones... this... continues to be bad.

It is satisfying to watch Eren have the correct response to flagrant injustice. Even in his most futile moments, his righteous fury and certainty that something is wrong is a breath of fresh air. It’s humane in a world that has forgotten its humanity. That is the person who remembers to hug a little girl instead of making demands of her.

What causes problems is only everything else.

Of which there is a lot.

Eren still breaks his friends’ hearts, he still lets his cult run rampant, he still lets the higher ups in the military be drugged, he still betrays every confidence every person has ever had in him.

On a personal scale: bad.

On a worldly scale: somehow worse.

Paradis is universally hated and feared. Marley, a nation who has caused destruction as freely as the very first king who chooses to enslave Ymir and her children, is painted sympathetically in the light of Eren’s actions.

What has happened to Eldians has been undeserved from the start, and Eren’s actions answer for the injustice of one while piling injustices upon her children.

Ymir should have her freedom. Eren appears to have won it for her through abandoning the entire rest of the world.

Somewhat as a byproduct of wanting to destroy the world that does all of these horrible things. I’m not sure he knew Ymir existed before his Inception journey with Zeke.

Eren is still the person who can fight for people who deserve better, but his request remains the same.

“Ymir, our founder. Lend me your strength.” --120

“I’ll put an end to this world. Lend me your strength.”

Unlike Zeke, he hasn’t made demands. Even before he understands the full story, he asks. He wants this to be a partnership. But for all his drive to reach the Coordinate, I don’t think he expected the little girl he found.

Eren has followed a script he doesn’t fully understand, to make his desire to change the world come to fruition. Saving Ymir is what happens because of who Eren is, but it only happens because he needs her power to do whatever he’s planning.

He does not come here intending to save her.

Normally I wouldn’t put so much emphasis on that, but I think with all of Eren’s recent choices, it deserves to be belabored a tad. The kindness he shows Ymir is heartbreaking and uplifting, but it’s coming from a man who has willingly committed the same atrocities Ymir performed as a slave.

He saves her thanks to their kindred spirit. In desperation, to stop his brother.

Eren is still Eren. He still knows how to be kind, and gentle with people. He still knows right from wrong.

He has done horrible things, and there has yet to be a justification for his methods.

The explanation for wanting this world destroyed is everywhere. Look at Marley. Look at what Paradis was. Look at Eren’s cult. Look at what the Eldian Empire was. Look at Ymir’s entire life. Look at all the damage that has come from one girl’s enslavement.

Burning all of it to the ground is understandable. With Ymir running the show, it’s even deeply sympathetic. Eren is the only person to give a damn about her in 2000 years, and after what the world has done to her, I don’t think any reaction from her could be called unfair.

The choices Eren has made are still appalling.

All of his allies want to be free. They’ve fought by his side. Without his powers. Trying for better. Working for better.

Eren dismisses all of their efforts to walk alone.

Without even knowing the full story. He’s still learning about his abilities, after such an extended period of planning in secret. None of his work in isolation has done as much for his efforts as luck.

So that’s Eren.

A disaster, but ever a human one.

Then enter... I don’t know how to put it. The core of the story?

There isn’t going to be much about this chapter I can say I like. There’s too much damage to use language like that.

What I appreciate, is that throughout all of the chaos of Eren being a jackass question mark, the story still stays true to itself, and the very basic concepts it had in the beginning.

From the moment humans are born, they’re free.

No one has the right to take that away.

Ymir’s freedom is bastardized again and again. Her one touch of power brings her into a world worse than ever before, and condemns her to a life that is never her own. Her most active choice is giving her power to a boy who asks instead of considering it his privilege.

Her enslavement is wrong. Her isolation is wrong. Her death removing her final semblance of choice is an abomination.

From the very beginning, Ymir and her children are turned against the world as weapons, with varying degrees of choice. It can be guessed that several hundred years later, her descendants are making their own bad choices, such as in the case of King Fritz.

It still starts from a slave not being allowed freedom.

Marley uses the exact same methods as the Eldian ruler.

They have their Warriors.

It is an honor to be a Warrior.

A mark of respect. A recognition of their worth. To be better than the scum they come from.

It is a reward for Ymir to bear the Eldian ruler’s children.

A reward for her to bring life into the world that will watch her die before them and be commanded to eat her corpse before it cools.

Ymir’s curse isn’t dying from her power.

It’s her enforced powerlessness eating her alive, the same way Eldians have fed on each other for centuries. Forced into a life of slavery, she is still there after two-thousand years, watching her children eat each other. Knowing that it all began in her.

She started this story.

What a nightmare it is that it never changes.

One way or another, she and her children can never be free.

In the many discussions about the ending of this series, and the rumbling, I’ve often wondered what happens to the Colossals inside the walls. Because oddly, for a series that is so good about contemplating moral quagmires, it hasn’t come up that the final refuge of Paradis is to command their enslaved kin to protect them.

As the freckled Ymir describes it, being a titan is a living nightmare. The titans in the walls have been asleep, but presumably in that nightmare for over a hundred years.

There’s been no talk of their humanity. No talk of their freedom. No talk of putting them to rest.

They are weapons, as Ymir’s children always will be.

Ideally, in a happy world, Eren activating them means that maybe they’ll be free, just like everyone else.

In a happy world, Eren would not have taken the steps he has to get here.

But it is a confusing bit of thematic inconsistency if he truly does plan on using the rumbling. He’s finally using the powers in a way that will put an end to... something, clearly in a way that he views as different from Zeke’s plan, but for the moment, we’ve got miles and miles of Colossals, mindless and awake.

Several somethings are going to die, whatever the intentions here.

It’s hard to picture how this results in a free world for Ymir and her progeny, yet after this chapter, I think it’s fair to say that’s what’s being attempted. Eren is destroying the world of the Eldian ruler, which has kept all of them cursed. That’s not a bad thing.

Freeing Ymir is not a bad thing. Freeing the walls is not a bad thing. Objecting to Zeke’s plan is not a bad thing.

Every single bad thing leading up to these circumstances does not inspire confidence. Nothing about Eren suggests someone with the stability to use this power in a way that won’t start a new age of tyranny.

It’s just throwing more slaves at the problem.

Which, in a rare bout of consistency for post-time skip Eren, is not something he agrees with. So this promises to be fun.

Last, but not least...

Hell, no one wants me to rant about Historia. Again. I don’t want to write it all out. Again. It’s a tired topic full of pitfalls and unpleasantness, and I would so prefer to not bring it up, but every single part of this plot makes her absence so conspicuous it threatens to cause physical pain.

“You’re no slave. You’re no god. You’re just a person.” --Eren, 122

“Exterminate the Titans?! What a pain in the ass! Who’d volunteer to do that?! In fact, I think humanity’s the problem!! We should just let the Titans destroy mankind!

[...]

I can’t be a good girl… and I don’t want to be a god.” --Historia, 66

This chapter begins with Historia. It begins with the origins of Krista Lenz, modeled after Ymir. A performance that ultimately breaks down when Historia decides to live for herself and make her own choices, through the strength of a different Ymir.

Eren is there for that fracture. He’s the one crying and bloody from bowing to the fate of the world in that saga. Historia saves him despite his best efforts, and Eren’s exchange with Ymir echoes her too well for him to have forgotten.

So we begin this chapter with Historia.

Whose current plotline, as told by the story, is getting pregnant for the good of her people. Or generally for the good of someone not her.

Historia creates Krista Lenz to be like Ymir.

Krista Lenz does not survive. She is an obstacle to Historia’s freedom, and Historia reclaims that instead of her childhood aspirations that are only a shadow of what she truly wants.

Then, now, we have the elephant in the room.

I once made the argument that Historia’s role in this arc would be better served by a nameless monarch we knew nothing about.

Ymir has a name, but I feel that she proves my point fairly well.

Her tragedy is sympathetic and abhorrent, and clearly details the evils of the world without violating anything fundamental about her character. This is simply her life, with misfortune and cruelty guiding it more than her own choices.

If you line up their character development, Eren’s outburst this chapter is in keeping with Historia’s outburst sixty chapters ago.

Historia’s current, stated plot significance, is equivalent to if Ymir, several years into the future and randomly not in Paths Hell, obediently, miserably, provided a new heir for the sake of the Eldians.

All without ever having her own voice.

Ymir’s given panels and panels of the horror she is personally experiencing; Historia’s story is told by everyone except for her.

The fact that their fates line up so well would only be poetic if Historia hadn’t already had her character development reclaiming herself as a person. This is new for Ymir. It is not new for Historia, and considering that the plot is very firmly supporting free will and choice and personal agency, including her in that as-is really only repeats a storyline she’s already lived through once, and if that’s put her in her current position, there is no reason to trust the story when it does it again.

Historia’s role continues to be incongruent with the rest of her writing, and direct quotes spoken by herself within her own character arc continue to be the simplest way of pointing that out.

Meanwhile, the veneer of pretending that there’s no social commentary involved in that subplot basically implodes in the first page of this chapter.

Ymir is explicitly described as “girlish,” and her demanded role in the story, as well as the role of her female children, is to breed.

That is unquestionably framed as horrifying.

Yay.

The themes of the story don’t mean much if they aren’t answered in turn by the narrative beats honoring them. Historia’s part in this, as presented, is an aberration that actively harms the story being told.

Yes, still.

Which is comforting only in that it means the story can’t finish without addressing that. Everyone scream and shout for joy.

I feel like I’m even more okay than usual with November taking its time getting here.

#Shingeki no Kyojin #SnK 122 #Eren Yeager #shingeki no spoilers #SnK spoilers #spoilers #tl;dr #chapter post

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