#she forces everything down and fixates on solving the problem

[clonerightsagenda]

Catching up with w359 daily with the season 2 finale and this time around I'm fixating on

MINKOWSKI Captain, please! We need to switch off the bomb's trigger right now. I need your help. LOVELACE I… help… please…

This is the only time I can remember Lovelace asking for help. She's fading, she's in a place that likely features in her nightmares with her worst enemy bending over her (Earlier she mumbles "No, not you" when Hilbert starts talking), someone else is asking her for something, and here, disoriented, in pain, dying, she finally loses the bravado and fury she's been wearing as her mask for the season. She just wants someone to help her. Please.

[blossoming-mind-palace]

Tang Bo x Fem! Reader: “One Hell of a Woman” (SFW)

Summary: You fight alongside Tang Bo, and he’s really interested in your muscles. Afterwards, he asks to spar and you both end up having a conversation about the Tang’s inequality towards women.

Contains: Blood in the first half, conversations about misogyny that ends on a hopeful note, and a fem! reader

WC: 1,310 (This was originally supposed to be like 500 and that’s why it ends abruptly)

“Wow…” All Tang Bo can do is watch with eyes filled with admiration and awe. The woman that has captured his attention is you, but you unknowingly caught it through unconventional means. He became fixated on you when he witnessed you quickly and precisely slaughtering your targets while looking pretty. His own dreams could never conjure such a stunning yet lethal image, and he could watch you all day if given the chance.

Even when you have to literally beat them to death with brute force and end up covered in blood of your enemies, you still look majestic in his eyes. It's no surprise that he hasn't met many women like you considering his background, and you're definitely the strongest one he's ever met. ‘I wonder how strong she is… Would she spar with me? Could she beat me?’ He thinks, but is abruptly torn away from his ogling when an enemy runs up to him.

That's no problem; he's so strong that most enemies are like ants. Said problem is quickly solved by his dagger meeting their vital organs, but three more cultists suddenly ambush him. ‘What a pain in the ass!’ He thinks while desperately trying to block their attacks. Suddenly, his back feels warm and wet. He quickly realizes that it's someone else's blood, and that you took care of a few enemies that were trying to ambush him from behind. “Pick up the pace, Tang boy. You're spacing out,” you poke fun at him as he slices the necks of the last of his ambushers.

‘Can you blame me? You're too pretty, especially when you’re fighting. It's distracting,’ he thinks and chuckles at your comment. After things calm down and it’s clear that all of the enemies are gone, he replies,“It seems like you had everything under control.” “What? No, I wouldn't say that!” You nervously laugh and scratch at your neck. He definitely notices the faint blush on your cheeks and a mischievous grin appears on his face. ‘She gets flustered easily, too. How cute,’ he thinks before speaking again.

“You definitely took out most of those people… Anyways, that's not important right now. Did you get hurt? It's hard to tell if that's your blood or someone else’s,” Tang Bo asks before pulling out his reliable medicines. “I remember taking a hard blow to my back, but I'll probably just have a bruise there… Oh, and I guess someone did nick me right here,” You explain and raise your sleeve up to your shoulder to give him a better look at your flesh wound.

“Hah, I almost forgot about it. Thanks for reminding me!” “... That is way too deep to casually forget about,” he points out and looks genuinely bewildered by your pain receptors. “Really? It's not that bad-” “No, it’s definitely that bad. Come here,” his bewilderment has turned into worry as he motions for you to come closer. When you walk up to him, he grabs your arm and begins applying some sort of special Tang medicine on it. You don't know what it is as this is your first time fighting alongside a Tang, but it's impressively effective.

Meanwhile, Tang Bo notices how toned and well-defined your muscles are. It doesn't surprise him that you're so muscular, especially after witnessing you fight. He does find himself getting distracted again, though. For some reason, he finds the way they flex and move under your flesh captivating, and they’re pleasing to his eyes. He's seen plenty of muscular arms in the past, but yours are particularly impressive and he's not sure why. It’s difficult for him to take his eyes off of them, and he wonders how the rest of your muscles look. Are they as pretty as your deltoids, biceps and triceps?

He watches as the cut begins healing, but accidentally keeps staring at your toned arm after it's done. “Tang Bo, I think you can let go now,” you awkwardly say before noticing that there's a red tint on his cheeks. Maybe he's embarrassed for spacing out so much? “Ah, you're right. Sorry about that,” he apologizes before letting go of your arm and hiding his medicines back into his robe.

Both of you begin walking down the dirt path you came from, and he decides to ask,”You seem like a formidable opponent. Perhaps we should spar sometime?” “Hah, not as formidable as you! It’d probably do me some good to practice with a master like you,” you grin at him and bashfully play with your sleeves. He keeps complimenting your fighting skills, and all of the flattery is starting to make you feel giddy. He snorts before continuing,”You flatter me… Y’know, I haven’t gotten to meet a lot of women like you.”

You cock an eyebrow at him before asking,”What’s that supposed to mean?” “My stuffy old family doesn’t allow women to learn about our poisons or martial art techniques, so I didn’t get to meet a lot of strong women until I left,” he explains and notices the way that you visibly cringe at his family’s ancient misogynistic ideals. The only way you can vocalize your extreme disgust is with an,”Eugh.” “I know, right? Pretty gross. I don’t know why they still treat their own mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. like that. Their attitude towards women outside of the family isn’t much better, either.” “Of course, that’s how it normally goes. They probably put women down because they’re scared they’ll be better than them. Men like that hate feeling lesser than their counterparts, and find sharing their success to be impossible. They cannot fathom a woman who they view as just a maid or cook becoming an equal or potentially surpassing them. So, they stick to putting them down for the sake of their pride, and choose to stick to their misogynistic traditions.”

Tang Bo’s eyes widen, because it’s as if you’ve read the minds of almost all of the Tang men. “Exactly, and they’re so wrong for that! It feels like no matter how many times you explain that to them, they still won’t listen! I’m glad that I rarely talk to my stuck-up, prejudiced family members,” he grins as he talks, and you notice the dimples poking out from his cheeks every time his lips curl up. It’s cute, but you shouldn’t let his looks distract you from the conversation at hand.

”It’s difficult to make people like that open their minds and leave behind the old ways. That’s why it’s up to people like us to take charge and change things, don’t you agree?” You’re pleased when he quickly nods at your question. There’s a brief silence as you two continue walking, and you enjoy the view of the greenery that surrounds it. Your appreciation is cut short when you realize something.

Your head snaps back to Tang Bo as you ask,”Is that why you’re so interested in sparring?” “Hm?” “You’re interested in sparring with me because you haven’t gotten many chances to train with women, right?” His eyes wander for a moment as he thinks of how he’ll reply to your question. His gaze returns when he replies,”Yeah, I guess you could say that. I’ve met a few women who were martial artists, but you’re definitely the strongest one I’ve met so far.”

“Well then, it’s settled. I’ll fight you the next time we meet… Say, how would you react if I managed to beat you?” You know that won’t happen, but it doesn’t hurt to ask a hypothetical question, right? ‘Please do, I’d enjoy it- I definitely shouldn’t say that out loud,’ he thinks, and he can feel the heat rising to his cheeks. He tries his best to calm down before replying,”I’d congratulate you, of course! I have to give credit where it’s due, y’know.”

[meguwumibear]

ive got more to say about force sensitive megumi.........

The Jedi Masters are in fact pissed when Megumi staggers back to the temple with a fresh patch of inky blue bruises blooming across his flesh like burgeoning miniature galaxies. The Masters are so pissed, in fact, that Master Gakuganji even recommends his dismissal from the order. Yuuji tells him not to worry. Apparently the old geezer is always trying to dismiss Younglings and Padawans who struggle with The Code.

Megumi isn’t worried. Not because he’s certain Master Gakugani’s hold over the High Council is as frail as the man’s boney fingers, but because he couldn’t fucking care less if all the Council members agree with the goon and vote to dismiss him. Fighting is his lifeblood. He just fights the Jedi’s battles now instead of his own.

And, anyway, Megumi has other, more important things to worry about. Like the fact that he can’t stop envisioning the scrappy young girl from the ring who beat him so badly he popped a fucking boner.

At night he dreams of her. Of you. Wretched, ugly dreams that tear screams from his throat as he bolts awake. Dreams that leave his sheets soaked in sheens of sour smelling sweat. In his dreams, you are fighting and you are losing. You are losing over and over and over again.

Then the morning comes and bits of yellow sun begin to crawl their way across his bed, banishing the dreams. Or so they should. Thoughts and images of you beaten and bloody plague him during his daily lessons. They eat at him during mealtime. Visions of your body, broken, bleeding consume him while he mediates.

Megumi asks Master Gojo in passing if all Jedi have such violent dreams. Master Gojo laughs it off because Master Gojo laughs everything off. A Jedi as powerful as Master Gojo cannot make themselves any more threatening than they already are. They cannot take anything too seriously or care too much about these things. Master Gojo tells him to focus on his youth. He also tells him to mediate more as if mediation can solve all the fucking problems in all the fucking worlds.

It's Master Shoko who asks about his force dreams. He’s in the infirmary for an unrelated injury he obtained on some bullshit mission, so he doesn’t understand at first what she’s asking. Once he does, his simmering rage flares viciously to life, scorching, scalding, because Master Gojo looked him in the eyes and laughed.

For weeks these force dreams have tormented him. Visions that devour. He is so, so angry, and he is so, so scared. He isn’t sure if his visions are of the past or something yet to come. He doesn’t know if the future is fixed. If you’re already doomed. If there’s anything he can do to save you.

Worst of all, he can’t find you. He searches the pits of Coruscant all night desperately trying to catch a glimpse of you, but you aren’t at any of the popular rings. The underground is so large he could spend weeks scavenging through back alleyways and seedy bars and still have moved no closer to you.

The Jedi Masters refuse to help. Even though the Force clearly wants him to intervene, wants the Jedi, the fucking keepers of the peace to intervene, they refuse to help. They tell him his fixation on his visions is leading him down a dark path. That fear is the antithesis to peace and serenity. That if he chooses to feed this hunger, it will lead him somewhere void of light, somewhere filled with shadow.

It's the Chancelor of all people he finally finds comradery with. It’s the Chancelor who tells him that if he trusts his emotions, trusts his senses, they will lead him where he needs to be, that they will lead him to you.

The Chancelor is not a Jedi; he has no knowledge of the Force. If Megumi wants to graduate from Padawan to Knight, he should listen to his Masters. He should learn to swallow up his anger. He should mediate. He should let go.

Instead, he closes his eyes. He lets his world go dark. He searches for you.

prt 1 prt 2

[rosypenguins]

🖤Spiraling🖤

*+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+

Synopsis: The events of TMF, from Drew’s perspective.

A/N: This is both a fanfic and a character study. Also while I write this I wonder why so many people turn Drew into a soft boy when it’s literally so MUCH FUN writing him as a bitch. He’s not a good person, make the most of it. By the way I feel like several of Drew’s problems could’ve easily been solved if Jake just laid with him and held him and told him everything was going to be okay and he was loved.

Contains Swearing (as per usual)

*+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+ *+

“You did what?!”

Drew could hardly believe what Jake was saying. He didn’t seriously go out of his way to join the Music Club of all things, did he? This- this had to be a joke.

Drew returned to his seat, his eyes fixated on Jake’s as he gave his excuse. The blonde’s voice was hesitant, his face tinted with a faint red hue.

He really wasn’t kidding… He really joined that little Freak Show… for Daisy, of all people.

Drew could feel a million questions flood his mind, but before he could ask any of them, he noticed Jake standing up, letting out an awkward laugh as he explained how he’d be late to music practice if he stayed any longer, and not a moment later, Jake had left the cafeteria.

Unbelievable…

*+*+*

Drew didn’t let himself think about it for very long. He kept himself distracted- no, focused. Focused on whatever task was at hand, whether it be school-work, home-work, or… whatever else, really.

But when Drew went to take a shower that evening, he couldn’t prevent the thoughts from returning.

After all, there was so much about Jake’s explanation that just didn’t add up.

Out of everything he could've done to confess his love to Daisy, why was this the conclusion he came to?

Why join the Music Club of all things? If all he wanted was to sing for Daisy, couldn’t he just do that privately? It’d be a hell of a lot more romantic, and it’d save him the embarrassment of performing with a bunch of freaks.

Not to mention that it’d be a public confession, too. If he got rejected, the whole school would find out in less than a week.

Why is he even going through all this trouble for a girl in the first place? Is it really all worth it?

He watched as the water ran down the drain, mind drifting further. He was only partially aware of his hand moving to turn the water a little warmer.

…And if he does go through with this, then… this wouldn’t be some dream anymore. He’d actually be doing something. He’d actually be going for Daisy.

Drew bit his lip. What if this somehow does work? What if he does end up confessing to her? What if she says yes? What if they start dating, where would that leave-

…Drew turned off the water. Any longer and he’d probably end up slamming his head against the wall.

He stepped out of the shower, grabbing his towel and wrapping it around his torso as he forced himself to take a breath. God, why did he have to be so dramatic about everything?

Calm down. It’s not like this plan’ll actually work. Jake’ll find some excuse to avoid telling her like he always does, and…

This wasn’t helping. He could still feel his heart racing.

God, why do I even care about this? Not like I don’t have a girlfriend. What’s so bad about him getting one?

The first answer was immediately shoved to the back of my mind. The second was simply: I just don’t want anything to happen to him…

Drew took another deep breath. He really needed to get better at recognizing when he needed one.

He thought about Jake and Daisy together, smiling with their hands intertwined.

And the idea was so repulsive he wanted to slam his head into a wall again.

Another breath.

Stop. Jake’s not going to confess to Daisy. You’re getting all worked up over nothing.

Drew glanced towards the mirror slowly, and despite the fog obscuring the reflection, he could faintly make out his silhouette staring back at him. And Drew paused for a moment.

Jake isn’t confessing. He isn’t leaving. He’s still m-

Another pause.

…God, I sound so fucking gay. Quickly, Drew turned away from the mirror, leaving the bathroom and heading to his closet to change.

Once he’d thrown on a plain shirt and sweatpants, Drew crawled into bed, getting himself comfortable under the blankets before checking his phone one last time. One final distraction before setting it down beside him, drifting off into a light, yet peaceful sleep.

*+*+*

Drew’s thoughts were clearer the next morning. They were quieter. Easier to sort through.

And as he stood in front of his mirror, buttoning up his heather shirt, he quickly realized how… insane his thoughts had been the previous night. It was embarrassing just to think about.

In what world would Jake ever work up the courage to ask Daisy out? He asked himself. Knowing him, he’d probably just back out last minute.

And after his failed confession, Jake would leave the club, and everything would be back to normal.

Drew reached over to his dresser, grabbing his tie and adjusting it around his neck.

Hell, maybe this little… confession plan, or whatever has some advantages. Maybe Jake can dig up some dirt on those freaks. That’d make for some pretty good blackmail…

Drew lowered his arms, and glanced himself over, making sure he looked presentable. Once satisfied, Drew grabbed his school-bag, and made his way downstairs to leave for school.

But reality soon hit him when Jake ended up leaving about half-way during lunch to get to band practice. At the time, Drew shrugged it off, pulling out his phone and tuning out the rest of Henry and Liam’s conversation. He’d still be able to see Jake after school, anyway.

*+*+*

The days continued as usual, yet Drew still found himself missing Jake’s company. He tried to make up for it by finding more ways to talk to Jake during class, but… even that started to change.

The first time Drew noticed it was during Chemistry. They had a project to work on that day, and when Drew had turned to get Jake’s attention, he noticed him leaned across their shared desk, talking to-

Hailey? Seriously? Since when were they on speaking terms? Drew rolled his eyes.

“Are you gonna keep talking to your music girlfriend, or are you actually gonna help me out here?” He asked.

“Don’t call her that!” Jake snapped, but Drew didn’t miss the way Jake flushed at the nickname. Drew frowned.

“I wouldn’t have partnered up with you if I knew you’d just talk to her for the whole lesson. Help out, would you?”

The two resumed the project, but Drew couldn’t help but feel slightly… uneasy? He wasn’t sure how to describe it, but that whole interaction gave him a weird feeling in his chest.

Drew shrugged it off. Or at least… he tried to, but it still lurked in the back of his mind.

But there was something else he had to focus on for now. He had a date with Zoey that evening. He noticed she’d been a little more… quiet than usual, so he figured taking her out shopping would help a little. After all, that usually fixed a lot of her problems.

But when the two arrived at the mall, Zoey was still quiet, and would only look up from her phone occasionally to browse around. But in the end, she didn’t end up buying… anything.

Zoey, who had every inch of her closet stuffed with clothes. Zoey, who was always up to date on the latest fashion trends. Zoey, who needed every accessory in every color.

Zoey. Wanted nothing.

He was at least able to buy her dinner before taking her home, but as Drew drove back to his house, he just couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Zoey always wanted something from him. That was one of the things she liked about him, wasn’t it? So why hadn’t she wanted anything?

If he wasn’t buying her things, what was he even bringing into this relationship? What was keeping her around?

Calm down. It’s one time. She’s probably just… having a tough week or something.

He took a deep breath as he turned into his driveway. Yet it did little to ease his mind.

God, first Jake starts getting closer with those freaks, and now Zoey’s acting all weird, too. The hell’s going on?

His thoughts kept him up longer than he’d like to admit.

*+*+*

Drew could barely open his eyes the following morning. Sleeping had been… exhausting, ironically. He kept drifting in and out, his mind constantly racing with thoughts that managed to escape from the dark crevices of his mind.

After several minutes of quiet yawns and eye rubs, Drew finally gathered the strength needed to sit himself upright.

His movements were slower that morning. It took him longer to get ready than usual, and when it came time to decide an outfit, Drew found himself hesitant.

Usually, he’d choose something formal. Something that made him look… better than his other classmates.

But Drew was exhausted. He didn’t care about looking better. He just wanted to be comfortable.

His eyes scanned his closet, and eventually, Drew pulled out a black hoodie he hadn’t worn in awhile.

…The weather was getting colder anyways, so this would be perfect.

He didn’t bother to double check his appearance. He was already running a little behind.

Before leaving, however, Drew decided to grab an energy drink from the fridge, cracking it open and taking a sip before leaving for school.

…Drew found himself to be more irritable than usual that day. His mind just wouldn’t slow down.

He had complained about Zoey’s behavior during lunch that day, and of course, Jake wasn’t listening. Probably daydreaming about those freaks again.

Without thinking, Drew snapped at him, voicing his suspicion to Jake. Yet the blonde didn’t seem to be phased, and only denied Drew’s claim.

But Drew wasn’t convinced. If Jake truly preferred his company, why did he keep talking to Hailey instead of him?

It was even worse during PE. Multiple times during class, Drew found himself glancing in the blonde’s direction, and every time, Jake’s eyes were busy admiring a certain teal-haired girl on the other side of the field.

Well, he sure moves on fast…

*+*+*

Jake ended up running off with Hailey after school that day too, and the next, and-

Suddenly, Jake didn’t even seem to have time for them anymore. He was always so busy with ‘rehearsals’ or whatever. He wouldn’t show up to lunch anymore, nor would he have time after school to hang out. Even during class, he still seemed more intent on talking to Hailey.

And… Drew didn’t miss the way Jake’s eyes sparkled when he looked at her. He didn’t miss the smile that appeared on his face whenever she was around.

He’d never seen him shine so brightly before. Not even around him.

Drew found himself thinking about it one night, as he stared up at his bedroom ceiling.

I thought I actually meant something to him… Apparently, I’m about as good as some stuck-up music freak he’s only known for a month. That same uncomfortable feeling began seeping into his chest.

Everything I did for him, did any of it even matter? Or am I just useless to him now? Now that he has those little freaks he’s so fond of.

God, they don’t deserve him. They don’t deserve to be by his side. They don’t deserve to see him smile, he’s supposed to be-

A breath. He was spiraling again.

…This wasn’t normal, was it?

*+*+*

Sleep was growing elusive. Drew wasn’t sure how many hours of rest he must’ve lost from this week alone.

Everything had changed, and Drew wasn’t the least bit prepared for it all. His whole world had been torn from beneath him the moment Jake walked through those club doors. Jake just had to go and ruin everything…

He brought his knees closer to his chest, sinking deeper into his desk chair as he pulled out his phone. No new notifications…

He opened his messages, and pulled up the last few messages he sent to Jake.

Six messages and eight hours later, Jake still hadn’t responded yet. He refreshed the app, yet nothing changed.

Drew sighed, and he set his phone down on his desk, tilting his head back to stare out the sun-roof. The moon hung high overhead, obscured only partially by the dark clouds in the sky.

Drew bit his lip, wondering why everything turned out like it did.

Jake was supposed to be his friend. But now he’s found someone else.

Suddenly, Drew's phone buzzed, and he scrambled to grab it, fumbling to see what the notification was.

A text message… from him.

Apologizing for being… ‘busy’ again.

Drew didn’t know how many times he reread his message. And his trembling hands held his phone tighter.

That same uncomfortable feeling he’d grown so familiar with pierced his chest again. It’d grown sharper. It felt as if a knife had been dragged through him.

Why did he always have to be busy? Busy with his new friends, who took up all his time, all his life.

He replaced me-

And in a moment of frustration, Drew threw his phone across the room. It slammed against the wall, and Drew couldn’t tell if he broke it or not. But he didn’t care.

His breath was heavy, struggling to escape his throat. His heart pounded loudly in his ears, his vision blurred, and-

…He could feel tears growing dangerously close to spilling over.

Quickly, Drew tilted his head back, swallowing as he blinked them away. Dammit…

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to cry. Not over something as pathetic as this. You’re better than this…

He’d been doing so well, too. Hell, the last time he cried must’ve been-

…All the way back in Sophomore year. In the middle of the night, during a sleepover of all times.

God, the dream was still so clear in his mind. Every word. Every action. The feeling of waking up with tears streaming down his face.

And… the way Jake had held him that night, his touch gentle, yet the only thing keeping Drew together.

He could recall the warmth that flooded his chest, washing away his worries as he’d melted into the blonde’s arms.

…It was ironic. The last time he’d cried, Jake had been there with him. But now… he was about to cry because Jake wasn’t there…

…Suppose dreams really do come true after all.

The thought brought a bitter smile to his face. An uneven laugh escaping his throat. God, that sounds so pathetic…

It was even more pathetic how desperately he wanted to return to that moment. To those simpler times. And to that warm embrace he’d never truly felt before.

He missed his warmth. He missed his smile, his company, just… him.

Drew could feel a single tear slip from his eye, followed by another, and-

Drew was quick to brush them away. He wasn’t supposed to cry- he didn’t cry. Not over something like this… not over anything.

So he forced himself to stop. Forced himself to hold it together. Just as he’d always done.

Ignoring the pain he felt tearing him apart.

[tarysande]

Oh no, I've been thinking.

Okay, I can't stop thinking about something ending-related. I don't know this for certain, but based on previous statements and such, it feels like the writers were always aiming for a bittersweet ending. Like, no matter what else happened or how the story evolved, come hell (lol) or high water, that ending couldn't just be happy. For reasons. I guess.

Now, I don't mind a bittersweet ending ... if it makes sense for the ending to be bittersweet.

I critique stories for a living. I'm literally taking a break from the developmental edit of someone's novel to write this post. And the persistent thought that bugs me about the Rory setup is that it is so artificial. Time travel is a pain in the narrative ass. Time travel suddenly introduced in the sixth season of a show that has never touched on time travel? As an editor, I probably would've pointed out that time travel for the purpose of angst, especially time travel without rules that make sense ("I don't know anything about time travel! Except I do know you have to take the most painful path!"), seemingly introduced as a final ploy to make that bittersweet ending work ... well, to me, it breaks the narrative contract they established with the audience. Your audience is going to be confused. An editor's job is to alert the writer to any potential confusion so it can be fixed before the story goes to print, etc. Confused audiences get mad, annoyed, frustrated. They feel hurt. They put down the book and don't pick it up again. Usually, writers don't want that. But they're so close to their work that they need a completely outside perspective to say, "Hey, I'm not sure you realize this, but..."

I mean, I keep referring to Rory as "deus ex daughter" because in literary terms, she is a blatant deus ex machina. Rory is the god in the machine of the Bittersweet Ending.

Now, I loved a lot of S6. I did. My overall feeling about the season is not negative. But ... I can't stop thinking about why the things I didn't like REALLY didn't work for me.

I loved the emotional growth we saw in Lucifer and Chloe facilitated by the question of parenting and parental love. I did. And I would have loved to see a lot of those notes hit not with an angel kid out of nowhere ... but with the daughter already in the picture. Especially because it would have circumvented the icky idea that a child has to be one's flesh and blood to induce such feelings. I also understand that coronavirus and Scarlett's age and schedule made this difficult. But I just can't swallow that the only way to wrap up the story of this show--a show about found family, non-traditional family, friendship, connection, FREE WILL, love in all its many shapes and forms and colors ... was to introduce a brand new character via a device (time travel) that fails to make sense almost every time it's used, no matter the medium. (And then had only that brand new character be there when her mother died. Don't even get me started. Ugh.)

If time travel was always going to be on the table, couldn't we have found a more plausible way to use it with the characters we already knew, loved, and had spent four or five seasons with? A time-travelling older Trixie, say? If you're going to use the impossible device, just ... twist it another way to make it work.

Okay. Okay. So, leaving Trixie aside for now just like the show did, let's say we leave everything about the season the same, even Rory. Do you know what ending makes more narrative sense?

Future Rory sacrificing herself by NOT forcing Lucifer to make a cruel and impossible "choice" so the baby that might have been her grows up with a family that loves her. Chloe's already pregnant. That's not going to be undone. And this nonsense of a "closed time loop" falls apart if you side-eye it for even a few seconds. The Rory who came from the future never exists except in the memories of those she met when she came back from that future. Chloe and Lucifer lose that daughter even as they gain the new one whose existence is not a tool of unrelenting fate because wow this show has always been about free will what the heck happened there yikes. And a choice made under the duress Chloe and Lucifer were under, forced out of them, and forcing them to "choose" a life apart for *handwave* Reasons has nothing to do with free will. A "choice" made at gunpoint is not a real choice. Future Rory basically bullied them into ensuring she got to exist--something, quite frankly, neither her parents would have done.

Instead, how much more appropriately bittersweet is it if Chloe and Lucifer lose that child while gaining one who, because of that angry time-travelling version, will never suffer as she did.

Also as an editor: the groundwork for my version is already laid, by the way. It should have been Rory learning about the importance of free will over fate. The importance of personal sacrifice. The importance of not thinking your young self knows best ... because experience and therapy will help rid you of that self-centered world view. That's the contract the writers made with us with this show. And Chloe and Lucifer have already BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT. (See: the end of S4.)

Furthermore, this season finally HAD Chloe and Lucifer DEAL WITH the only thing that actually would have contributed to a narrative, characterization-based reason for Lucifer to disappear: His history of running and his putting Chloe on a pedestal. Once they really talked that out, his "disappearance" became a Rory-induced trauma of inexplicable fate that flies in the face of all the progress Lucifer made over six seasons. (I would rather have had more of that and less of mysterious disappearing oh no plot.)

And I'm sorry, the "Once you get to Hell you're going to work 24/7" excuse given for why Lucifer won't be around and why he can't make time for Chloe until she's DEAD(????!???) is ... it's lame. If AMENADIEL AS GOD can make time for his kid's birthday party, I refuse to believe Lucifer can't work out some Hell/Earth-work/life balance. Never mind that in the show about partnerships, the Bittersweet Ending just ... destroyed it. Chloe was planning on being God's consultant; she could have helped Lucifer solve Hell's Trauma Mysteries (it's what she did with Jimmy, setting up that yeah, Lucifer could do it alone like he accidentally did with Lee, but doing it with HIS TRUTHSEEKING PARTNER would be more effective). Just as Lucifer could have continued helping HER solve some of the problems within "that corrupt little organization" of hers.

tl;dr: I think the writers fixated so completely on their version of Bittersweet that they missed all the foreshadowing, groundwork, and clues that were right there, already built into the story, poised for a different kind of ending than the one they once imagined. That's why so many parts of it feel almost-but-not-quite right and why these aspects are so off-putting. That's why it's just not ... organic. It's something squeezed into a box it grew out of ages ago.

Ironically, certain elements of this season involved the writers insisting on the FATE they decided long ago instead of letting the story and the characters have the FREE WILL to choose a different, more fitting, more organic ending--one that had long-since evolved past that original flavor of Bittersweet.

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze my favorite war criminal, aka calling out norman the essay

basically all of my thoughts on norman on one callout post because i care him (both manga and anime are discussed)

LINK TO RAY PSYCHOANALYSIS:  https://chaoticgaymess.tumblr.com/post/646749875570196480/ray-81194-the-long-explanation 

this is going to be ungodly long so here’s a keep reading, essay below the cut

((tw for suicidal ideation and self harm, brief discussion of eating disorders))

Disclaimer: no shipping is included here this is just about norman also they’re kids who call each other siblings

Thoughts: So you may be thinking, Rowan, why do you yell about the colorless war criminal so often? Well the answer lies in your honor the court hates to see a girlboss winning. Norman is a girlboss :) Yes norman is a tiny twink who can't lift a milk jug. And he is a girlboss :) Obviously I don't condone, um, eugenics and all, but that's not the point the point is that he satisfies my need for more characters like Levi motherfucking Calder from Unwind because I’m apparently an edgy 13 year old. Also all of his problems are violently things I can fix and I keep him around as a pet project because someone needs to give him a hug and slap him on the face

I diagnose him with things: 

-pisces man :pensive:

-is he albino? Not literally. Is his skin so pale he would catch fire if he went outside at noon? Yes.

-autism: Yes I’m aware that calling him autistic makes him, problematic rep by perpetuating the autism unfeeling savant stereotype whatever but have you considered i’m autistic and I’m projecting also he’s L with standards? Anyway traits of AuTism he has: hyper   fixation, canonically breaks and fixes things over and over because like ofc he does, doesn’t understand Emotion, hyperaware of body language at the same time as it all somehow flying over his head, low empathy, sensory experiences™, min maxed in certain areas, and I don’t think he’s got social interaction quite right? There’s something off about it

-gifted kid (derogatory) This is self explanatory but basically him being the smartest and the best in a competitive environment caused most of his issues, such as the perfectionism, the need to succeed, the lack of self esteem and ridiculously high expectations on himself, giving himself no breaks or time to relax, the “i must be productive with every second of my day or i will die” deal, the “peaked at 11” thing, the way in which he goes through life like there’s going to be a fucking test on it

-Eldest Daughter™ lmao. Norman’s always had to be mature, he’s always had to be the best, he’s always had to do the things Ray got out of bc he’s a snitch and Emma got out of because Isabella likes her. Norman gets respect from Isabella only if he excels, and her bar for him is astronomical. He doesn’t have the Mommy Issues that Ray has, but it’s because for him Isabella basically just reflected his expectations on himself, whereas with Ray it was more personal.

-low empathy (part of the autism thing): this one needs more explanation, but it’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Cognitive empathy is a thing and he can use it, but he does not instinctively understand other people’s emotions, or even recognize them properly, especially when the person is not like himself. This is obvious in Emma. Man has no fucking clue what’s going on in her head or why she does what she does, but he can predict what she will do in any given situation very well. He could understand the suicide attempt from ray he predicted more because Ray’s an easier equation to solve, and someone who’s more similar to him. I know he gets it because, well, motherfucker’s just as self desctructive as him, just in a more dignified manner.

-he’s got some sort of chronic illness. This is also me projecting and a headcanon but he’s got something going on, even before lambda pumped him full of growth hormones or whatever which they maybe should have Not Done but oh well. (I assume this just didn’t happen in the anime, since he’s still so fucking short) But he's So weak. He passed out when it was too hot. He passed out when it was too cold. He can’t open a pickle jar. His skin is too pale and he’s skinny af. He’s much more prone to sickness and probably has asthma too? But in the case that he did actually have something going on, I don’t think grace field would see the need to treat it, if it didn’t impact the quality of his meat? Isabella’s probably just “you have chronic pain and you get migraines? Great, take some tylenol and do some calculus.” Can’t say that probably helped anything.

personality type: ISTJ

Basically, he’s the most boring personality type to exist, and personally as an enfp i do not respect him. But basically this means he’s a fucking nerd that gets his projects done for school the day they’re assigned, is probably the president of the Anime Student Council™, and could probably get away with premeditated murder (ok actual istjs this is a joke don’t skin me)

The only trait that norman doesn’t have on the istj thing is telling the truth. Yeah, he values the truth, but like, that doesn’t apply to him, clearly. Bitch is a notorious liar.

The only other personality type he has any similarity with is intj, which is the same except it’s more rare and a purple theme instead of a blue theme. Sadly, that’s not him though, because although he can care more about some kinds of philosophy overall this isn’t the case and ray already occupies this personality type tbh. 

strengths and weaknesses: This one’s kind of obvious, but he is aside from the crazy insane intelligence good at planning. Extremely good at planning. He can predict any outcome and figure out how to prevent it, using all his resources. For example he’s physically weak and someone could literally just walk up and stab him, but it doesn’t impede his progress on his goals because he’s surrounded himself with strong, mentally inferior people who would die for him in a heartbeat. He never gets stuck in some “everything is shit and i can’t do anything” deal like Emma and Ray do, he always works through it and has confidence in his abilities (in as much as he will solve the problem or die™. Weaknesses other than his twink body include his Low Wisdom score. It’s funny how he’s often associated with an owl, the mans is 14. He thinks he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t. Plus obviously his fundamental misunderstanding of so much of everything going on around him, the fact that he lies not just to the world but himself, his refusal to take care of himself and his incredible cowardice. His achilles heel is being forced to, actually confront his actions.

what he likes about himself: He does pride himself on his mental abilities, and his judgement, which in his opinion is the only correct opinion and the only correct way. In the past, he likes being seen as a leader, he likes being responsible for other people. He likes his ability to manipulate and lie, because he sees it as an asset, and I honestly think he enjoys being william minerva more than he enjoys being Norman. He prides himself on his unhealthy expectations and the fact that he is able to meet them. Honestly, he does think he’s better than everyone else, mentally, though it’s humbled by his self hatred. Cursed thought: If Norman had self esteem he would be light yagami. 

what he doesn’t like about himself/insecurities: Oh god, nearly everything. His appearance, his status, his superiority, his physical inability, his own mess of a mind, also have I mentioned his appearance. He’s obsessed with self control. He wants everything he sees wrong with himself gone. And I understand why having control of everything is necessary and appealing, everything for him has always been rigid and planned out from moment one, he was even more regulated in lambda, and though he desperately wants to Not Be Food, he has no idea what to do with the chains now that he’s broken out of them. So he just wraps them around himself. Regulates to an unhealthy degree when he sleeps, what he eats, when he actually takes even minimal care of his own problems, what he looks like, how much of himself he lets show, the expressions on his face, the literal thoughts inside his own head he will shut down if they are not Correct. It’s literal self harm. Norman, please stop it.

motivations/goals in life/general philosophy: To be honest, I’m not sure he knows what he wants. He sure thinks he does, he could sure give you a memorized answer, but it means nothing. He wants to excel. He wants Emma to be happy. He wants to be perfect and for that to make everything perfect. But he doesn’t realize everything he’s working towards will do pretty much the opposite of that. He’s a crippling perfectionist, and pretty much everything he does is motivated by his fear of failing. He picks the certain path, he doesn’t wait for anyone else, he doesn’t care if it’s not nice. Emma foils that a most of the time because he cares about her, but it can only go so far, especially after he’s had so much time without her to develop a Complex. His philosophy is very contradictory, basically the tokyo ghoul “everything bad that happens to you stems from a lack of ability”. All of his problems are his fault. All the world’s problems are his to fix. If he can’t fix them, it’s his fault, it’s because he wasn’t strong enough, and not being perfect condemns someone forever, including himself.

how he’s perceived by others vs how he actually is: In most people there wouldn’t truly be much of a difference, but with Norman things are different, because, well, most of his personality in grace field is a put on, as well as the tough guy dictator thing he radiates after lambda. How he appears to someone is determined by the context of their meeting- the kids at grace field see him as a nerdy, weakish, pretty boring kid who is really caring and kind. The researchers at lambda see an obedient, beaten down and perfectionistic boy. The lambda kids see him as an infallible leader, ruthless and genius, a good man who knows what’s right. But in truth none of that is him. It’s a fucking chess game to him, putting on different faces, lying and pretending and treating everyone differently. In truth? He’s a fucking coward. He’s scared out of his mind and he’s tired and he can’t take pain, he’s obsessed with reaching some goal he deems is necessary that in the end is going to be his death because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. He’s taken on the role of someone evil, though deep down he’s not, he feels it’s easier to live that way because it strips him of his conscience. 

interpersonal relationships: In general, Norman sees all relationships in a pretty dim light. He sees everyone as black and white, for the most part, and other people make no sense to him intuitively, he has to figure them out like a puzzle. He’s manipulative and not particularly kind, but he follows all societal expectations to a T, overly focused on his appearance and placing the person he’s interacting with into a Category™. So he can be truly kind, to people he feels deserve it, to people who he values and doesn’t see flaws in. He gets incredibly attached to people he loves, protective, though he often doesn’t take their own feelings on the matter into consideration, and he’s ruthless with anyone who he deems a bad person. With people he understands and relates to, though, things can be different. If he sees someone as like himself, he will drop all the social interaction police bullshit and cut to the chase of whatever he wants or needs from them, and he’s not very forgiving in any manner, if he thinks what someone did is actually bad.

Emma: Norman obviously cares a lot about Emma, and honestly views her as better than anyone else. He realizes her moral integrity and all of the things she has and he doesn’t, and admires it. Because of his black and white view, Emma is like an angel to him. She couldn’t do anything wrong if she tried. But he comes to treat her as something to be protected instead of respected, and although he realizes she wouldn’t like what he’s doing, he fundamentally cannot empathize with her and doesn’t try to understand her. Their personalities are very literally opposite. Norman really needs to fucking listen to her. And Emma needs to understand that Norman doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy and you really do need to spell it out for him. Emma can only convince him when she has logical reasons for her actions, which she, doesn’t often have. And Emma gave Norman too much slack, because she didn’t see past the surface, and Ray never wanted to warn her, even though he knew the dude was showing a bunch of red flags, because you know. It was kind of an unspoken deal between them. (on ray’s part)

Ray: His relationship with Ray is a lot more complicated than with Emma. He understands Ray, where he doesn’t understand Emma, and he can see right through anything Ray does. And this makes things really tense between them, because Ray doesn’t, take kindly to being psychoanalyzed. If someone perceives him he will deck them and Norman is just there silently perceiving him at all times when Emma doesn’t see it. They are both constantly in competition with each other, but they care about each other a lot, though it’s kind of in a derogatory way. They both recognize each other as fundamentally fucked up, and silently agree never to bring it up with Emma. They’re nice to each other when she’s around, but all pretenses disappear when she’s gone. Ray is always frustrated with Norman, because Norman’s never been intimidated by him, and though he tries his best not to be vulnerable around him, Norman can always see through it, whereas Ray can’t crack Norman’s fake fucking smile no matter what he does. Norman will always take Emma’s side, and doesn’t see Ray as a good person at all, but he still understands and can excuse him, he takes measures to be… worse than Ray, which is better in his mind, because it’s rational, and ‘not selfish’.

Isabella: She has always had ridiculously high expectations for Norman, and treats him kind of harshly compared to the others. Bitch has heat stroke and Isabella’s first question is a calculus problem instead of like, “are you ok”. She knows he doesn’t complain about anything ever and she doesn’t stop him from being Terrible to himself, because it makes her job easier. They want smart kids, not mentally adjusted kids. She does really care for all of them, but she basically overrides it, she gives them what they want, not what they need, lets them be exactly what they’re making themselves. Isabella is distant with Ray but gives him anything he wants, she’s close and super nice with Emma, but Norman is… it’s weird. Isabella is proud of him because he meets her astronomically high bar. But at the same time, Norman never really cared for her that much and has never pretended to. Once they discover The Thing, though, he has a revelation, and it doesn’t take him long to switch his entire perspective about her. He’s pretty much like. Oh. She’s like me. That explains it, time to treat her like I treat myself: fucking brutally. Passive aggressive as hell. The kind of energy the :) emoticon at the end of an email gives. He does like just go “yeah we should kill her” at one point, which. You know, ok. When he got shipped out it was hhhh really interesting because Isabella knew full well he knew he was walking to his death and Norman was like “are you Truly Happy?” and just went :) and she was like h u h and tried to get him to talk while they were walking there because she feels Bad about it and he just. Did not. He didn’t say a single word just kind of smiled menacingly at her and I think it was half a sort of rebellion and half because he viewed her as similar to himself and therefore felt no need to put up any front with her, no words were necessary for him to impart exactly how he felt about it

Lambda kids: His relationship with the lambda kids is weird and bittersweet. I think he really truly does care about them, they were in a similar situation to his and he wants them to get what they want. However it is not a healthy or beneficial relationship, they see him as a god and don’t realize that he’s killing himself to give them what they want, he’s basically adopted them when out of anyone norman’s the one that should least be in charge of kids. I think he’s honestly younger than them but I’m not sure if they even know. He acts like their fucking mom, and that’s from what he thinks mothers are like… like isabella?? Giving them what they want, not what they need, lying to them, showing a front, caring deeply for them but at the same time using them for his own ends. And it’s not helpful for him. He thinks he knows what they need, but what he’s doing is what they want. What they need is therapy,(and so does norman), and he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with using them as weapons because they love him. It makes him feel good, to be seen as perfect, to have people who don’t know how weak he really is. But it’s only making him worse, and he’s enabling everything the lambda kids are doing wrong as well. They need like, Yuugo and Lucas. Some actual adults who are actually wise and have the ability and the knowledge to take care of them and understand their mental problems and maybe actually address them. And actually be nice to them. But um sadly. 

what he’s doing wrong: It’s pretty obvious, but… Norman, you maybe *shouldn’t* commit genocide? You’re not helping emma, you’re not making anything better. You’re not helping the lambda kids, you’re enabling them. You’re not helping your friends from grace field, you’re ignoring what they want. You’re not helping the world, you’re eradicating an entire race from the face of the earth and murdering the poor for the crimes of the fucking 1%. You’re not being a martyr, you’re a selfish piece of shit liar you little coward, you just want an easy way out and you want to die on your bloody fucking hill instead of admitting you’re wrong. Grow up, cringe little man.

why he went wrong: I think most of the reason this happened was the way he was raised combined with the kind of person he is. Norman would have turned out fine, if there has been good adults in his life who actually cared about his well being. Instead he got people who just wanted to control him and make him what they needed, and family who largely didn’t realize there was anything wrong. Ray being an ass to him most of forever probably didn’t help but well, that’s just Ray. Even then, he would have managed alright if he escaped with the rest of the kids because he would never have been separated from the experiences that caused the rest of them to realize demons weren’t all evil. In lambda he didn’t have anyone supporting him or telling him when things went too far, so he fell into relying on himself alone, pushing himself further with absolutely no limits. All he saw was enemies and allies, and things got stratified. He never had a lucas or a yuugo or mujika when he would have needed it, instead he found children who wanted him to be in charge and a world that made it so he had to be. Everything was an echo chamber for his worst thoughts, so they just became more and more dominant.

what he needs: To put it simply, he needs Emma and Ray to cut to the chase and slap him across the face and make him take care of himself. He needs to be forced to see everything for what it really is- this edgy 14 year old committing atrocities to feel better about himself? He needs to be told that what he’s doing is irrational, because in reality, it is. There are better solutions that he’s ignoring, both to his own suffering and the demons, and the way he’s going now no one will truly be happy because of it, that there is no requirement that things be perfect and this bullshit doesn’t make him stronger. He needs someone responsible to take the fucking dagger out of his hands. He also needs someone to babysit him and make him go to bed at a reasonable time.

i describe his personality through songs on my spotify playlist for him:

-outrunning karma by alec benjamin: this one super applies because it calls him out for making shitty decisions, being manipulative and a liar, and having blood on his hands in a very calm and subdued manner, that he knows this is wrong and yet he chooses to keep running faster and faster towards destruction, that he means to escape it through death

-empty by boyinaband and jaiden: yes this is a song about anorexia yes it also applies to norman i’m not saying norman literally has an eating disorder (but honestly it wouldn’t be far out of character if he did) but metaphorically this applies to his method of ignoring his needs, both emotional and physical, in favor of seeming in control 

-toxic thoughts by faith marie: this one speaks to his gifted kid trauma. Man’s got perfectionism running his entire soul. He’s terrified of failing, because he’s always been at the very top, he’ll beat himself up over any miniscule mistake and forces himself to keep at bad habits that keep him Productive, but he won’t ask for help no matter how much he’s suffering because that would be failing, he fights with his mind, this song basically tells him “yeah i feel you but you need to stop that”

-no time to die by billie eilish: ignore the romantic overtones but this is emma and norman, emma who trusted norman and was lied to, betrayed, for norman’s greater good, and norman who refuses to feel or hurt because of it, who refuses to apologize or see himself as wrong, pushes forward because he’s going to Pass Away

-achilles come down by gang of youths: hhhhh it's like. His vibe. Obviously you can disregard the lifestyle specific shit but it's. It's achilles come down you have to understand it’s like the same deal as friend, please just like french and longer

-friend, please by 21 pilots: i feel like i don't have to explain this one but it’s more to the manga (not the anime where he kind of figures out he done did wrong by himself instead of committing unforgivable sins and still going yeah this is valid before emma is like holy fuck). He is like sorry emma I cannot fix anything I’m going to die :) *coughs blood* and emma going like stop it stop it stop it fuck you see you fucked up and i forgive you just stop don’t walk away while he’s like “no<3”

why im a repressed little norman kinnie even tho he’s my exact opposite: I don’t generally kin ppl like norman, honestly he’s an infj I have no clue how it happened but I’m pretty sure it’s because of my intense desire to project onto a little man who cannot lift a milk jug and has chronic pain and decides you know what I AM tired of being nice i DO wanna go apeshit. Also he’s a twink. A little bastard. He’s a terrible person and I go mood every time he does anything. I said mood when he fell out of a tree. Don’t know what this says about me, I swear I wouldn’t commit no genocide. He’s like the inverse of Yoichi Saotome, and somehow i kin him too. Damn.

Miscellaneous headcanons:

-man’s SO attached to his william minerva cloak. He’s a wispy little bitch, you know he’s wearing that thing inside the house, he’s fucking cold. It also makes him Look Important he can retreat into it like an emo middle schooler with an oversized sweatshirt

-although you could probably get Mad street cred from having two whole brands you know he’s not gonna whip it out and show off his lambda thing he’s incredibly self conscious and his chest hasn’t seen the sun in years

-norman’s got MAD laundry skills to be able to wear like, all white all the time while constantly murdering people. I think he’s the only one who knows to do the laundry. And Ray is the only one who knows how to cook.

-but even then there’s gotta still be a few questionable stains on that thing, but if anyone asks he’s like “ketchup” “I’ve literally never seen you eat anything with that much color” “ketchup :)” *coughs blood*

-he’s probably thought “well i have not literally coughed blood yet today so I am not legally obligated to take care of myself”

-He probably adopted much of his current personality from taking on the persona of william minerva. I’m calling him out for being like me, he’s a blank motherfucker, he absorbs personality traits from characters he plays! He’s just not in theatre so it’s a bit more intense!

-the first time he sees barbara Eating Demon Meat he kinda stares and goes oh cool! not for me and violently exits the room. Like it's hilarious bc he thinks that's really gross on a moral level though he understands why she would do it 

-Which is even funnier bc I’m not sure about the canon on this but there was That Chapter Cover that one time that kinda seemed to imply norman eating demon meat which i absolutely latched onto because I’m terrible. He was just politely eating it. With a knife and fork like why dude. As to a possible reason for him doing that I can come up with, of course barbara does it out of spite, but man we don’t know the properties, if it had some sort of painkilling aspect to it or it was like, caffeine, you know he would, but he would Definitely not talk about it

-I kinda disagree with what the anime did in episode eight? It was good I liked it and the imagery was fantastic but also have you considered Norman could not kill someone with his own hands if he tried, or even physically injure them? That’s what his minions are for shawty. That doesn’t make it any less bad, of course, but the manga captured it perfectly by the fact of he carries around a dagger and a scepter in the capitol battle, but he never even raises it out of more than intimidation. He walks through calmly like he’s not scared at all but he makes sure all the lambda kids do all the actual murder, he just stands there impartially, clearly The Mastermind, as the kids fucking murder the queen of the demons. And I think that’s more profound because he’s, a coward. And he doesn’t realize being the one who orders the strike makes you just as responsible as the one who sticks the knife in someone. The knife is just there to Compensate™  for the fact that he weighs like eighty pounds.

-he’s more of like lady macbeth (because he’s a girlboss) than macbeth himself. He has blood on his hands, but it’s the kind of blood that you can’t wash off. He never killed anyone himself, and he cannot admit he never would have been able to.

-the last thing is that there are definitely epic things about the anime, episode 8 was my favorite so far, goddamn that imagery and the bitch walking through the city while it burns down with the screaming asmr going on behind him my god. We stan. But like the downside of, letting Emma and Ray get to him before he commits first degree murder makes the whole thing lose a lot of his value. In the manga (oh my god look at me being a pretentious manga fan please) it fit more of his ideas- he never backed down, and he planned for Emma coming and trying to stop him. Of course he wanted Emma to stop him, he wanted it with all his fucking heart he was pleading for it to happen but the man wouldn’t give himself what he wanted if he was held at gunpoint. He knew she’d come and he made absolutely sure she wouldn’t be able to stop him. So when she came and he said “you’re too late”??? It kind of said it all, in the fact that he was disappointed that he got his way. He still thought he did the right thing, but deep down there where he shoved all his thoughts and feelings he desperately wanted to be saved from himself.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Feel free to eviscerate me if these are not Correct he is just my favorite girlboss who I feel the need to yell at

[shadow-scenarios]

Hello~ may I ask for something slightly specific? I wanted to ask about a scenario in which the reader recently obtains the Meta-Nav but instead of the PT finding out first, Goro does. See, the reader and Goro have recently become acquaintances and reader thinks that the Meta-Nav is something related to illegal activity so she goes to consult their detective friend on this mysterious app! Haha, sorry if this is too specific ;-;

Hey there simulationone, this isn’t too specific!! I like creative ideas that change the plot & this has been my favourite request to write so far.

However, I did change the request slightly. I made it so that the Reader awakened to their Persona & gains the MetaNav!! I hope that’s alright with you. If not, feel free to message me again and I can rewrite it.

{ Post Writing Note: Well, I wrote way too much!! Sorry if there’s less Akechi content than you thought, I got hyperfixated on how it would affect the plot. I’d love to write a Part 2 full of angst with this, so feel free to request it!! }

- Nexus.

Dance with Justice | Goro Akechi

Life at Kosei High was predictable. Like a metronome. Constant pressure to be the best & high achievement boundaries, it was a wonder how she was ever accepted without some sort of moonlighting as a prodigy. These stories of mental shutdowns & psychotic breakdowns made the world look grim & everyone seemed desperate to escape it all.

Comfort was found in the Phantom Thieves and how they manipulated hearts. Dancing the line between immoral & illegal, it was a grey area where the who was less significant than the how. Society grasped onto them as miraculous saviours as they solved cases faster than regular forces ever could: Kamoshida, Madarame, Kaneshiro, Medjed. The world was taken by storm, these renegade rogues looking to change the world & it seemed they were no longer an urban legend.

Their downfall was unexpected, to say the least. Okumura was murdered in cold blood, his mental shutdown playing onscreen during an important meeting where he was about to reveal an important factor in solving this buck-wild case. A calling card was found at the residence, the sigil of their misdeeds. Just when the mystery was about to unravel, the threads gave way to a bigger problem: Did the Phantom Thieves cause the very shutdowns everyone was trying to escape?

Swiftly, the media capitalised. Labelling them as criminals, demanding their arrest. Everything shifted so quickly & she was caught up by the egregious claims of both sides. There was one thing for certain: The Phantoms Thieves had killed someone and regardless of their previous deeds, they needed to be brought to justice.

Naturally, the first viable suspect she found was Yusuke Kitagawa.

He was of the eccentric sort, gaining a scholarship through art. Everything the strange man did was usually for the sake of ‘ Finding true beauty! ’, which was slightly melodramatic. Before Madarame’s case, he was fixated on art singularly. Now? He seemed to have other priorities. Whenever someone would discuss the Phantom Thieves in an art lesson, there was a glimmer in his eye & the paintbrush that had been on the canvas stopped in order to listen in.

A victim of Madarame’s plagiarism, which gave a plausible motive. Despite this, nothing was concrete. She thought about her friend, Akechi. Was this how he solved crimes?

Obviously, the next step was to follow Yusuke around. Sneaking around was rather easy, all she had ever been known as by the student populace was ‘ the girl who was friends with Akechi! ’, so standing out was not much of a problem. There was not much abnormal. Despite being somewhat of a social outcast, he had a small circle of friends. Six in total.

Five of them were clearly wearing the Shujin Academy uniform on the day she spotted them. One was tall in stature with fluffy black hair & thick framed glasses. Reserved in nature but he always appeared to have some sort of witty comeback. Soon he became known as Akira.

Another one was a blonde, around the same height. He wore the uniform much like a delinquent alongside a yellow graphic tee. Obnoxiously loud, as it was never difficult to hear what he was saying even from far away. The person closest to him was Ann. She had platinum blonde hair tied back into pigtails & features of an American.

Makoto was next. Clearly more of a calculating type, she wore the uniform immaculately. Wearing her hair in a French-braid styled headband, she had maroon coloured eyes & was around average height. Most of the time, she was commenting on the boy’s behaviour.

Haru Okumura was someone recognisable due to the news about her father’s death, which was saddening. In her uniform, she wore a fluffy pink turtleneck alongside white tights with flower patterns.

Futaba was just as strange as Yusuke. She used a mixture of gamer jargon whenever she spoke and was never seen in a uniform. About middle school age, she carried around a set of headphones everywhere that regularly rested atop her maple coloured hair.

Stuffed inside of Akira’s bag was also a cat that they tried to hide. Key word: Tried. Six of them & a cat.

They frequented a local cafe in Shibuya, LeBlanc. It was a nice location & she had even gone in there once to listen in. Boss was kind, to say the least. He served coffee with a warm smile & the curry combined perfectly enough to encourage a smile out of her.

On a Friday, the cafe was busy. They had gathered at one table & chatted casually. Most of them looked forelorn. Akira eventually gestured for them to take the conversation outside, where they would disturb fewer people.

Following behind them, she paid Boss & followed, attempting to seem casual. They never noticed. Conspicuously trailing into an alleyway, Ryuji pulled out his phone. Listening in was difficult so she opted to pull out her own phone and record. One of them, presumably Akira, simply said “ Mementos. ”.

Mementos. That singular word triggered something & changed everything. As the world began to violently shift in a strange phenomena, hues of vermillion & mauve dotted her vision. It was hypnotic. Eventually, she snapped out of the trance.

Concealed by masks & flashy outfits were the suspicious group she had been following. It was blatantly obvious by their hair colours. However, the animated cat creature was a surprise. It was reminiscent of the cat Akira carried around but even stranger was that it talked. Then it turned into a bus. Which did not seem all that strange.

Inherently familiar with their environment, they sped off down the escalator, leaving her alone with her thoughts. There were so many reds & greys. Thick red veins ran through the sides in mangled forms. The wall behind her was dilapidated & the only way to proceed was the escalator in front of her.

A fatal mistake, really.

Recalling the details of the awakening are fuzzy at best. These lumbering creatures formed entirely out of shadow began to take notice of her unwanted presence. Cornered, desperate and alone. Insurmountable pain; the voice of someone almost familiar; then freedom & rebellion.

With the pact of her Persona, everything was clearer. Life had previously moved in rhetorical patterns, it was now a whimsical dance. Eliminating the so called enemies with a weapon in hand, she eventually found a way back to the surface. The door at the beginning looked to be a way out, so she threw caution to the wind & took the chance.

Fatigue came first in this dingy alleyway. Adrenaline had been fuelling the push to leave alongside her newly granted power and once that was gone, nothing would spare her from raw exhaustion. Checking her phone in the hopes of finding evidence, the video taken was still there, though it cut off as soon as anyone disappeared.

Even without evidence, she knew that this group was doing something illicit. So she texted the one person she trusted with this secret: Goro Akechi. He was a detective, surely he would have answers.

;; I must speak with you in person as soon as possible. It’s regarding the Phantom Thieves, I have some evidence for you. You’re investigating them, correct?

Knowing full well that Akechi lived a busy life, she did not expect a response for a while. After gathering the strength to stand once again, she headed home. It was the most exhausting experience ever, physically & emotionally. A few minutes after returning home, there was a response from Akechi.

I am indeed investigating them. If you have any evidence regarding them, would it not be more convenient for me to receive it via text? ;;

;; Yes, it would be, but I can barely even believe the evidence presented to me. It’s better for you to see it for yourself. Are you attending school tomorrow?

Indeed I am. Pulling away from the public eye has benefits. If you are free during lunch, we can meet on the rooftop and discuss the supposed evidence that you have found. Does that sound like a compromise? ;;

;; Alright. I’ll see you on the rooftop tomorrow.

The next day was filled with trepidation. Everyone seemed to be mulling about & with how slowly the clock was moving, it was if the school was in a state of chronostasis. Although she did not share many classes with Akechi, there had been a moment where she saw a mop of hazelnut brown hair amongst a crowd, so he was likely to be there.

Sitting on the rooftop alone was slightly boring but she understood why he was late. Every time lunch began, Akechi would be surrounded by people who wanted his attention. It must have been rather annoying.

5. 10. 15. Minutes ticked by. During the winter, it was exceptionally cold so not a single soul came up. The chilly winter breeze nipped at her skin & for a moment she wondered if it was Akechi that she had seen. The brown hair easily could have been mistaken—

The creak of the door announced his presence. With a formal apology, he recalled how his teachers were intent on swarming him with catch up work that he would inevitably never complete. Dismissing it all & moving along with the subject, Akechi got straight to the point:

“ What was it you wished to speak to me about? ”, he asked.

“ I believe I have ascertained the identities of the Phantom Thieves, ” was the only reply she gave.

Looking astounded, he shifted his glove via force of habit & looked directly at her.

“ That’s quite the bold claim, ” he returned to a neutral expression as the mask of the Detective Prince slipped back on, “ Do you have any evidence? ”.

Recalling the story to the best of her ability was tedious. From the suspicious behaviour Yusuke had been demonstrating to the video evidence taken from her phone. Throughout the entire story, he maintained a neutral expression so she was never quite sure what to think.

“ Usually, I would disregard such stories as a strange dream or a vision you had & declare your footage as edited. However, I have... also had an encounter in this strange phenomena as well. ”

Everything began to make more sense as it was explained. Akechi rattled off about the cognitive world, Palaces, Personas & even how ‘ stealing someone’s heart ’ was possible. He explained that his plan was to lend the Phantom Thieves a hand in their next assignment & catch them in the very act. Specifically, their leader.

“ That explains a lot. Let me help you. I have a Persona as well & I can fight in that other world. I want to bring the Phantom Thieves to justice. They killed Okumura & many others if they are the ones behind the mental shutdowns. Tampering with the heart of another is wrong... ”

“... Alright. I suppose it will make things easier if it is the two of us. I hope you are a very good actor,” Akechi extended a reluctant hand for her to shake. His gaze was calculated, cold. Much different from his tone of voice. However, she took his hand & shook it.

With that, a contract was signed. Both herself & the detective would bring about the end of the Phantom Thieves.

Word Count: 1.9k

Publish Date: 27.09.20

[magmahurricane]

Assorted IDW thoughts

Let me preface this by saying Ian Flynn is not a perfect writer. 

I personally believe his greatest weakness is in writing this long, spanning arcs. We’ve seen this even in Archie with the Mecha Sally arc, and in post-reboot with the Shattered World Crisis arc. And it’s reared it’s ugly head again with the Zombot arc in IDW.

He also has a habit of favoring certain characters and trying a little too hard to argue why they’re good/likeable - this was especially a problem with Sally in his early run. 

With that said: I mostly enjoyed the Zombot Arc. I am someone who has been absolutely exhausted by media’s fixation on Zombies, but I found the Zombot arc... endearing, actually. 

The Zombot concept was a fun, fresh take and arguably more nightmarish than the average zombie, in that they were largely indestructible and you’d only need the slightest touch to be infected. And again, they couldn’t be put down.

An unfortunately common criticism I hear about the series is that this arc was “too dark” for a Sonic the hedgehog comic, which I find to be an odd take.

The Sonic series has always dipped its toes into darker concepts. We have the bad ending from Sonic 2, and far less implied is the death of Maria Robotnik in Sonic Adventure 2 - in which we witness, as part of Shadow’s backstory: an unarmed, terminally ill 12-year-old girl being shot and killed.

In that same game, Eggman acquired a super space Fuck You cannon and destroyed a part of the moon, and made a very clear threat to fire it at the Earth.

Sonic Adventure 1 showed us an entire civilization that was wiped out after harming a bunch of innocent Chao and angering a god. Perfect Chaos leveled an entire populated city - even if you make the argument that an evacuation was put in effect and nobody died (which I don’t believe), that’s still an entire city’s worth of people who are now homeless.

There was also Sonic Battle and Emerl’s entire plight, which saw the entire main cast coming together to raise this robot like a sibling, who all loved him and were loved by him in turn, and ended with Sonic having to kill him. 

Sonic and The Secret Rings had Shahra die on-screen. I mean, she got better but still.

And don’t get me started on all the fucked up things that happen during the events of  the Shadow the Hedgehog game.

The point is, the Sonic the Hedgehog series has always had these bleak, dark moments. I don’t feel like the Zombot Arc was any darker than what we’ve already seen in this series. We’ve seen these characters backed into corners, we’ve seen on-screen deaths, we’ve seen these characters break before.

I feel like this criticism is misdirected; I think when people say the arc was too dark, what they mean is that it’s too long.  If we’re counting the Zombot saga starting at issue 15 (when Rough & Tumble got infected), this story arc has been going on for... 14 issues. With delays in mind, this arc feels like it dragged its feet horribly. 

Now, with regards to Characterization...

I think we all can agree SEGA’s recent takes on Shadow’s character are ass. There, I said it. Taking away all the development he had over the course of SA2, Heroes, ShTH and other instances - and making it so he apparently doesn’t consider Rouge and Omega his friends - is such a mind-numbingly stupid move.

Ian usually writes a good Shadow (seriously, Sonic Universe arcs “The Shadow Saga”, “Treasure Team Tango”  - both pre-reboot arcs - and “Shadowfall” + “Total Eclipse” from the post reboot were really good!) but these mandates on Shadow’s character kill me. 

But unfortunately, Shadow isn’t the only character who suffered during this arc. Eggman started off the arc really well, but his choices and lackadaisical attitude towards how rapidly his plan spiraled out of control was so wildly OOC and frankly, dumb. It was frustrating to read through and didn’t feel like Ian’s usual mastermind Eggman.  It read as though Ian hit a bump in which he realized he needed a work around for why Eggman wasn’t doing anything about losing control over the Zombots and  decided to just have him not care. I can’t remember if a reason for this characterization was ever given. 

 Now, this on the other hand...

This is a scene I’ve seen people rag on for being OOC for Tails, and even comparing it to the abysmal portrayal we got in Forces. 

Here’s the thing: I don’t think this was OOC for Tails. 

Lets look at Tails’ characterizations in, say, the Adventure-era games. His entire character arc in both was him realizing his own potential as someone who can stand on his own two feet, without needing to rely on Sonic. And he did it! By SA2, Tails has achieved his own independence. 

When he believes Eggman has truly killed Sonic, Tails is sad, but he’s also determined to stop Eggman, to keep fighting no matter what and hold his head high, because he knows he can do this. He won’t let Sonic’s faith in him be misplaced. 

... But this isn’t like that situation, now is it?

Lets review Tails’ ploy over the course of this arc: He studied Sonic to the best of his abilities to try and discover how to cure his friend. He was confident and certain he could figure it out.

But the infection kept spreading. People - innocent people - were being claimed by the outbreak, and the pressure began to build. People Tails knew and cared about were being turned. The situation was growing more and more desperate. 

All the while, they slowly lost faith in Sonic, who was showing signs of fatigue. We also know from when Tangle was infected that the transformation into a Zombot is uncomfortable, if not painful. 

People around Tails were suffering, losing loved ones - and we, as the audience, knew that nobody was actually dead from this, but the characters don’t. Silver came from a future where the whole world became infected.

And just as soon as Tails came close to solving everything, it was all cruelly ripped away. Every time they thought they had a solution, it was lost. 

When the Zombots reached Angel Island,Sonic was at the point where he could hardly fight the infection off anymore. Zavok was advancing. They’d lost poor little Cream. They lost Knuckles. 

And Tails was slowly succumbing to the infection. 

I don’t think this was OOC. I think it made perfect sense, because the world was literally falling apart right in front of Tails’ eyes, and unlike SA2, there was nothing he could do about it at this point. He’s being infected and watching his friends fall while knowing that Silver’s future is a possible outcome.

He’s having to resort to pleading Sonic to succeed because this poor kid has watched the world fall before his eyes - and worse yet, he came so close to having the means to save it. 

I don’t agree that strong characters breaking makes them OOC. I think this serves to show just how broken Tails is by everything that’s happened, how bleak the situation is, and how genuinely scared he is. And who could blame him?

In conclusion, I think IDW Sonic has its flaws - Ian has some serious faults as a writer, but he’s also really good and has a clear passion for the series and characters. 

I enjoyed this arc for the most part - I just wish it had been trimmed down some. 

[pop-punklouis]

hi hope! i saw that you’re really big into film and tv. do you have any tv shows you could rec? i need something new to watch.

hiya grey! and of course. i always have tv shows on hand to rec

• Dark (3 Seasons)

When two children go missing in a small German town, its sinful past is exposed along with the double lives and fractured relationships that exist among four families as they search for the kids. The mystery-drama series introduces an intricate puzzle filled with twists that includes a web of curious characters, all of whom have a connection to the town's troubled history -- whether they know it or not. The story includes supernatural elements that tie back to the same town in 1986.

• Portlandia (8 Seasons)

this absurdist series set in Portland, Ore., that gently pokes fun at the laid-back Pacific Northwest city and the many eccentric characters that call it home. Among the many recurring guest stars on the series are Ed Begley Jr., Jeff Goldblum, Natasha Lyonne, Kumail Nanjiani and Kyle MacLachlan, who plays Portlandia's mayor.

• Parfum (limited series)

When a woman is found murdered with scent glands excised from her body, a detective probes a group of friends who attended boarding school with her.

• Trinkets (2 Seasons)

A grieving teenager finds an unexpected connection with two classmates at her new high school when they all land in the same Shoplifters Anonymous group.

• Fleabag (2 Seasons)

A dry-witted woman, known only as Fleabag, has no filter as she navigates life and love in London while trying to cope with tragedy. The angry, grief-riddled woman tries to heal while rejecting anyone who tries to help her, but Fleabag continues to keep up her bravado through it all.

• I Know This Much is True (limited series)

Middle-aged Dominick Birdsey recounts his troubled relationship with Thomas, his paranoid schizophrenic twin brother, and his efforts to get him released from an asylum. (Mark Ruffalo’s best performance to date)

• The Vow (limited series)

Following the experiences of people deeply involved in the self-improvement group NXIVM, an organization under siege with charges including sex trafficking and racketeering conspiracy brought against its highest members and founder Keith Raniere

• The Outsider (limited series)

Based on Stephen King's best-selling novel of the same name, "The Outsider" begins by following an investigation which at first seems like it will be simple and straightforward but things change as it leads into the gruesome murder of a young boy by a seasoned cop. When an insidious supernatural force edges its way into the case, it leads the investigators to question everything they believe in.

• Peaky Blinders (5 Seasons)

Britain is a mixture of despair and hedonism in 1919 in the aftermath of the Great War. Returning soldiers, newly minted revolutions and criminal gangs are fighting for survival in a nation rocked by economic upheaval. One of the most powerful gangs of the time is the Peaky Blinders, run by returning war hero Thomas Shelby and his family. But Thomas has bigger ambitions than just running the streets. When a crate of guns goes missing, he recognizes an opportunity to advance in the world because crime may pay but legitimate business pays better. Trying to rid Britain of its crime is Inspector Chester Campbell, who arrives from Belfast to try to achieve that goal.

• Schitts Creek (6 Seasons)

a wealthy couple -- video store magnate Johnny and his soap opera star wife Moira -- suddenly find themselves completely broke. With only one remaining asset, a small town called Schitt's Creek, which the Roses bought years earlier as a joke, this once-wealthy couple must give up life as they know it. With their two spoiled children in tow and their pampered lives behind them, the Rose family is forced to face their newfound poverty head-on and come together as a family to survive.

• Mindhunter (2 Seasons)

Catching a criminal often requires the authorities to get inside the villain's mind to figure out how he thinks. That's the job of FBI agents Holden Ford and Bill Tench. They attempt to understand and catch serial killers by studying their damaged psyches. Along the way, the agents pioneer the development of modern serial-killer profiling.

• Mr. Robot (4 Seasons)

Young, anti-social computer programmer Elliot works as a cybersecurity engineer during the day, but at night he is a vigilante hacker. He is recruited by the mysterious leader of an underground group of hackers to join their organization. Elliot's task? Help bring down corporate America, including the company he is paid to protect, which presents him with a moral dilemma. Although he works for a corporation, his personal beliefs make it hard to resist the urge to take down the heads of multinational companies that he believes are running -- and ruining -- the world.

• Dark Tourist (1 Season)

Journalist David Farrier focuses on that area of travel, known as dark tourism, in this docuseries. In each episode, Farrier travels to a different locale to visit destinations and have experiences that wouldn't be on most vacationers' bucket lists. He embeds himself in a death-worshipping cult in Mexico, sees tourists soaking up radiation left behind in Fukushima, meets vampires in New Orleans, and travels to the most-nuked place on Earth for atomic swimming and fishing.

• Maniac (Limited Series)

Annie Landsberg and Owen Milgrim are two strangers who are drawn to the late stages of a mysterious pharmaceutical trial. Each has a different reason for participating in the experiment -- she is disaffected and aimless, fixated on broken relationships with her mother and sister, while he has struggled throughout his life with a disputed diagnosis of schizophrenia. The radical treatment, using pills that the inventor claims can repair anything about the mind, draws Annie, Owen and 10 other subjects into a three-day drug trial that they're told will permanently solve all of their problems, with no complications or side effects. Unfortunately, things don't go as planned.

• The Witcher (2 Seasons)

The witcher Geralt, a mutated monster hunter, struggles to find his place in a world where people often prove more wicked than beasts.

• Living with Yourself (Limited Series)

A man who's burned out on life and love undergoes a mysterious treatment, only to find that he's been replaced by a better version of himself.

• The Society (cancelled after one season unfortunately)

The Society follows a group of teenagers who are mysteriously transported to a facsimile of their wealthy New England town, left without any trace of their parents. As they struggle to figure out what has happened to them and how to get home, they must establish order and form alliances if they want to survive. The series is a modern take on Lord of the Flies.

• I Am Not Okay With This (1 Season)

I Am Not Okay With This is an irreverent origin story that follows a teenage girl who's navigating the trials and tribulations of high school, all while dealing with the complexities of her family, her budding sexuality, and mysterious superpowers just beginning to awaken deep within her.

• The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance (1 Season)

The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance returns to the world of Thra with an all new adventure. When three Gelfling discover the horrifying secret behind the Skeksis' power, they set out on an epic journey to ignite the fires of rebellion and save their world.

• Grace and Frankie (6 Seasons)

Two nemeses become bonded jilted wives after their husbands reveal they have been having an affair with each other since the 1990s and now plan to get married.

• Special (1 Season)

A young gay man with cerebral palsy branches out from his insular existence in hopes of finally going after the life he wants.

• Russian Doll (1 Season)

Russian Doll follows a young woman named Nadia (Natasha Lyonne) on her journey as the guest of honor at a seemingly inescapable party one night in New York City.

• American Vandal (2 Seasons)

American Vandal is a half-hour true-crime satire that explores the aftermath of a costly high school prank that left twenty-seven faculty cars vandalized with phallic images. Over the course of the eight-episode season, an aspiring sophomore documentarian investigates the controversial and potentially unjust expulsion of troubled senior (and known dick-drawer) Dylan Maxwell. Not unlike its now iconic true-crime predecessors, the addictive American Vandal will leave one question on everyone's minds until the very end: Who drew the dicks?

• Immigration Nation (1 Season)

A rare and expansive look into the consequences of unfettered power, Immigration Nation is a powerful, harrowing indictment of the current state of American immigration.

[anika-ann]

Nothing but the Truth - Pt.7

The Break-up

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader        Word count: 3160

Summary: A fake dating AU.  The chapter title sums it up the best. Steve messed up. Enter Sam Wilson and the door to Steve’s office: a saga… and Sam being the best bro.

Warnings: a lot of swearing, light angst, mild threats of violence, mentions of PTSD, references to last chapter (violence, torture), bro talk

Story Masterlist

For the second time in a week, Sam Wilson was on the mission to break Steve Rogers’ face; or, at least, to bruise it.

Then again, the supersoldier serum’s ability to regenerate cells was about as big as Sam’s irritation, so he might as well try the former anyway.

He had specifically told Steve not to do that and there he was, that motherfu- leaving his best girl-friend in tears; momentarily, his only best friend, because goddammit STEVE!

Steve Rogers just had to go and fuck up the thing that was bound to be fucked up – on a whole new scale, no less.

Sam burst into Steve’s office with zero regard to the poor door, an angry snarl on his lips.

“What the hell is wrong with you, man?!” Sam raved, hands balled in fists, ready, halfway raised by his sides.

“Listed alphabetically or chronologically?” Steve muttered under his breath and sighed at the sight of his fuming friend, not bothering to stand up from his position in the chair. “What is it, Sam?”

‘What is it?’ Sam’s brain mimicked in mockery and anger. WHAT IS IT?!

Was he serious or was he only pretending to be so dumb?!

“She’s awake for two days now-”

“I know,” Steve stated calmly, a stark contrast to Sam’s boiling rage. It only irked the pararescue more, especially since he could tell there was a barely visible wall built up in Steve’s mind, his true emotions locked in and the key to them thrown away. “Is she not healing properly? Is there something wrong?”

“Hell yeah it is! Its name is Steve Rogers,” Sam spitted out venomously.

To his great annoyance, he could feel himself slip into a therapist mode when Steve sighed and lowered his gaze shamefully; the shift in Sam’s attitude was only minute, yet essential. A change great just enough not to punch Steve yet. Momentarily, Sam hated that part of himself, because the need to approach Steve carefully and to get him open up was in a merciless battle with the instinct to protect his other friend hence socking Steve in his jaw. The inner turmoil only fed Sam’s irritation.

“She’ll be fine! That’s not what I’m worried about, dammit! She’s confused and fucking sad. Apparently, a guy told her he loved her – a forced confession, but whatever – and then never showed up to say hi even.”

Sam’s words were only met with silence; partly guilt-driven, partly stunned, partly because Steve probably had no clue what to say to his defence.

The image of one of the best women Sam had ever met, glassy eyes and short breaths as she had clearly been swallowing up the sobs of sorrow and confusion with a lovely mixture of brewing PTSD popped up in Sam’s head and as if he snapped his fingers, his anger was back. He himself had been a picture of misery, when she had told him about everything that happened.

She had told him everything, because she believed he would have a better insight into Steve’s baffling behaviour, a better idea of whether he had lied when he had admitted that he loved her.

Sam had refused to give her a satisfying answer, mostly because he wanted to give Steve a black eye for ghosting her like a coward. He had simply claimed that it was not his place to say and that Steve had been busy these days; which he was. She didn’t need to know what he was busy with.

“I was there,” Steve remarked shyly, at least having the decency to sound as if he was aware that he was being an idiot.

Good.

Well, not good, but a good start, something Sam could possibly work with.

Still, he couldn’t but roll his eyes at the poor argument made.

“Yeah, when she was asleep,” Sam fired back, crossing his arms on his chest. “That doesn’t really count. Not even when you fall asleep in that chair, waiting for her to wake up. You need to actually talk to her, Steve.”

“About what?”

Sam honestly couldn’t believe this guy. He could sense the irritation rising in the other man as well; his frustration with Sam’s inability to let this go.

Sam hoped it was frustration with his own actions too.

“About how you feel, you dumbass!” Sam spitted out, unhooking his arms in favour of throwing his hands up. “Hell, about anything, just go and stop ignoring her!”

Steve jolted to his feet so quickly he actually managed to startle Sam, enough to make his instincts to kick in-- and die as fast as when Steve leaned onto the table, not throwing punches.

“What’s your problem, Sam?! First you don’t want me near her and now you’re basically forcing me on her? Make up your goddamn mind!” Steve sputtered.

“Oh, please! Like my mind would ever stop you from doing anything! You promised me not to break her heart!”

Which was exactly what Steve was doing at the moment. Breaking her heart, leaving her doubting despite having confessed his feelings to a fucking polygraph; breaking her heart, because, for whatever reason, the blond dumbass was refusing to go see her or even contact her anyhow.

Sam’s heart was beating wildly in his chest as his brows knitted together when examining the other soldier.

Damn, he should have expected this outburst of his, he knew Steve was bottling things up and he could be a small (fucking big) ball of rage. Just like Sam guessed the reasoning behind Steve’s dumbassery and found it… partly justified, but stupid.

When his—friend looked away and visibly gulped, standing straight again except his hunched shoulders, Sam had his theory confirmed.

Sam had really been hoping this could have been solved by a fist-fight, he was, in fact, itching for it. It seemed that talking would have to do.

Thought he wouldn’t dismiss the punching just yet.

Sam sighed, eyeing the other man. “You already said yes, Steve. Why are you sitting on your ass here instead of letting her admit her feelings to you too and have your happily ever after?”

The supersoldier shook his head inconspicuously and slowly seated himself back into the safety of his leather chair.

“I can’t, Sam. I--I just can’t,“ he whispered hoarsely, opening the door to his heart an inch, enough for Sam to unwillingly and yet very much eagerly slip his fingers in and take a look.

He dropped to the opposite chair, knowing that the table was what Steve needed between them; a barrier.

For some people, it would be one of the things discouraging them from talking, denying them the feeling of connection with the therapist. For Steve Rogers, who kept the matters of heart close to his chest unless it was something which was pissing him off, it was the only thing that actually got him talking.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sam sighed, already piecing an image in his head.

Silence was the only answer he got, heaviness falling on the pair of soldiers. Sam waited. He knew Steve needed to talk to someone about it, but he needed to start on his own, rather than answering specific questions.

Adding another barrier to protect himself, Steve rested his forearms at the edge of the table, fingers interlaced, fingers visibly tensing and relaxing several times as he fought to shape his thoughts and emotions. His gaze was fixated on his hands, absent.

When he finally spoke up, his voice was quiet, barely a whisper with a rough edge to it.

“The moment I saw her strapped to that chair—it’s… there are no words for it. And I couldn’t do a thing about it and it was just--- you weren’t there, Sam. I know that-“ Steve gulped nervously, his voice breath hitching. “I know you read the report. You saw her after, but—you weren’t there. Not when I lied and she got— she got-”

It was Sam’s turn to swallow nothing, the image of his friend being fucking tortured engraved in his mind vivid, his brain supplying him with what he had learned about her and what he had seen happening to other people.

His stomach clenched painfully, his jaw set tight. Yet, he let Steve speak, let him get it out of his chest, because he doubted that Steve told this to anyone. He had written a report, yes, Sam had read it, yes, but seeing it… yeah, Sam had an idea of what a toll it had had to take on Steve.

The blond’s eyes slid shut as he released a shaky breath. “I honestly thought he was going to kill her. I never—the way she screamed, Sam, I- I’ll never be able to unhear that.”

Sam felt his fist clench and unclench on their own account, an involuntary reaction to the imaginary punch to his gut. He had imagined tears-- and now her screams echoed in his ears, a picture vivid despite not having any memory of it.

“Yeah, I fucking bet,” he retorted as his own reaction to the horror image took over, visceral, nausea tickled his stomach unpleasantly. “What’s your point?”

“You were right. I think I could have stopped Tony and Natasha if I really wanted – but the opportunity was just too tempting. And I fucked up. Big time.”

Swallowing his anger and ignoring the chill that was still running up and down his spine, Sam focused on the other man, recalling precisely when and how he had fed Steve’s guilt; misplaced at least partly.

“Steve, man, look-“

He did. Steve raised his haunted eyes to Sam, mad guilt pooling in them along with reflection of tears not spilled.

How could Sam not soften at that, how could he not let the need to comfort Steve win? More so when he continued, every word strangled as if he had trouble to even push it through the lump in his throat, yet they kept spilling, rapid fire of randomly voiced thoughts.

“I did that to her. Maybe not directly, but she was in that chair because of me. She was- she was in so much pain because of me. Because I couldn’t protect her, because I let myself- I let myself believe that we could be together, fake or for real, Avengers or not, but that’s not how this works. I can’t be with her, Sam. I can’t do that to her. She doesn’t deserve-“

“-an ounce of love?” Sam interrupted his guilt-trip. “A guy who loves her and wants to protect her so bad that he’s beating himself over something that wasn’t quite in his control? I know what I said, man, but… shit, I was pissed. I didn’t mean it, not really.”

“Sam-“

Sam stopped him before he could continue torturing himself; it was his own time to confess.

“Steve, you’re the first guy I ever considered to be good enough for her. And I don’t give my approval easily, trust me.”

Steve averted his gaze at that, eyeing his desk as he shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter. You said it yourself; your opinion might mean a lot to me, but I made up my mind…. I’m staying away. I already talked to Fury about future missions, looks like they need someone for a long-term undercover in Alaska.”

Blood froze in Sam’s veins, his brain short-circuiting.

His friend was going to do what?

“You wanna run that by me again?”

Steve shrugged, clearly aiming for a casual tone and missing epically.

“Apparently I’d make a great lumberjack. Let me grow a beard, dress me in flannel and I guarantee you no one will recognize me. Fury’s words, not mine. I think he has a point.”

Sam stayed silent for a few moments, his mind racing a mile a minute. This was even wrse than he had thought.

Not only Steve was hiding; he was about to silently disappear, without even a word goodbye, he suspected.

Sam didn’t know whether he should yell in frustration, punch the other man or bang his head against a wall.

He settled for trying to reason with Steve, a bold move considering how impulsive the man could be.

“I didn’t take you for a coward, Steve. I didn’t take you for the guy who walks away when faced with a problem.”

“I’m not,” Steve replied simply, tilting his head but not meeting Sam’s eye. “This isn’t it. I’m not. It’s for the best.”

“Please. Not even you believe that.”

Steve had nothing to say to that; probably because Sam was right and Steve was bullshitting both of them. Sam leaned onto the backrest of his chair, narrowing his eyes as he wandered just how to find a way out of this, how to convince his friend to stay, how to… how to approach that whole mess.

See? That’s what happens when you agree to fake date to catch a serial killer. That is, unless you actually die in the process.

“I think you’re afraid,” Sam started in the end, fighting a smirk when Steve blinked, clearly not expecting to hear that, not expecting Sam to read him so well. And Sam was pretty confident that he was right, okay. “I think that you’re afraid that you might fall for her further. That as much as you were already willing to die for her before, that little time you had together made you willing to live for her and that’s much scarier, because living is harder.”

He let his mind wander, sharing every thought as they ran by; and Steve didn’t dare to speak, his gaze falling back to the desk.

“I think that down there in that freaky dungeon, you had her life in your hands and that freaked the shit out of you-- which, not that I can blame you. I think that you’re scared that at the same time, she had your life in her hands as well, not aware how much of it she had, how much she meant to you. And now she knows-- well, she hopes, her belief is pretty shaken since you’ve been ghosting her.”

Steve had the decency to look up and appear guilty when Sam gave him a firm glare, still having nothing to say to defend himself; it seemed Sam truly was on the right track. Good. Now he could make his point.

“I think that you’re afraid of the power she holds over you and it doesn’t matter how many times I tell you she loves you too, because I think you figured that much already. This isn’t about you worrying about her returning your feelings, is it? You’re just scared that she has you in her pocket and that’s perfectly normal. But, Steve… I think we both know that there is not one person you’ve ever met that you can trust to use that power as wisely as she would.” He barely covered the smirk on his face at the final blow he was about to deliver. “That is, if you weren’t a chicken and paid her a visit before one of the doctors flirting with her realizes that the whole relationship was a cover and their path is in fact clear.”

“What doctors?” Steve asked distractedly, his head snapping up, Sam’s words working like a charm.

Yeah, Sam could not believe this man. The audacity of him. The ignorance.

He still loved him, okay, he was like a brother at this point, but goddammit Steven!

“Is that what you took from my whole speech?” Sam mocked offence, amusement dancing in his eyes.

“What. Doctors?”

Sam shrugged lightheartedly, pretending not to be bothered by a single thing in the world.

“Pretty much every single one of them. You know how she is, way too nice to everyone, giving them the wrong impression… but honestly, Laufeys is-“

Sam never got to finish his sentence. Steve got to his feet with a huff, striding from the office with determined steps, now having a mission on his own.

Sam’s mission was hopefully done here; and he hadn’t even had to lie much.

Laufeys was a guy who flirted with everything that moved. He also slept with everything that moved and was willing to submit, which was nearly everyone, because that guy had a silver tongue that got him just about everywhere; most of all, it got his dick everywhere.

He hadn’t dared to flirt with Captain’s fiancé though; not that Steve needed to know that. A slow victorious smirk spread on the Sam’s face.

He was still in the office, satisfied with himself and praying for the best, when Tony Stark spoke from the ceiling.

“Nice move, Birdbrain. Nice move.”

Just hearing the cocky voice of the billionaire dragged Sam’s mood down. He eyed the speakers, irked.

“Fuck you, Stark, I don’t want to hear your voice,” he snarled, heat boiling in his chest. “I’m still pissed as hell that you sent those reporters to take a picture of them in the first place, hell, that you hired a guy and got her burned. And forced them into that mess. I figured that since the damage is already done, I might fix some of it a least.”

There was a meaningful pause following Sam’s outburst.

“From the two of them, she was the first to say yes, Samuel, just saying. They were dancing around each other for way too long. Now they won’t and we caught a bad guy. Win-win.”

“Except that she’s still in the med bay, Canman,” Sam hissed, ignoring the pang in his chest at that. They thought she was going to be alright, no lasting damage to her heart or brain, but still. Seeing her in the hospital bed was awful, yet nothing compared to the sight he had been offered when they had all come to the rescue. “Get out of my sight before I give you a matching black eye…”

Sam Wilson was not proud of giving Tony Stark a black eye. He had wanted to give him a broken nose, broken jaw and maybe some more, but the stupid Ironman suits prevented it, so only one black eye it was.

“Mr.Stark wishes to inform you he wasn’t in your sight, only in your hearing range,” the AI spoke this time and Sam rubbed his eyes, suddenly bone-tired.

He rubbed a hand down his face then and sighed. “Funhouse. I live in a fucking funhouse…”

And he did indeed. The residents were all kinds of crazy, there was a huge-ass ‘A’ on the top of the building—a building which was a Tower for god’s sake and everything was ran by an AI--

Sam was not proud of his next words either, but if Tony Stark was being a privacy-invading bastard, so could Sam.

For a bit.

“Friday? Let me know when Cap spills the beans and how it goes, okay?” he called out lowly, instantly receiving a response.

“As you wish, Mr. Wilson.“

Part 8 (final)

Tags: @mermaidxatxheart​ @bobertswagert​ @kakakatey​ @ccolz88-blog​ @joeyrumlow​ @lovemeterwrites​ @jessyballet​ @bellaireland1981​

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Welcome to the back (Part 12)

First Chapter Previous Chapter Next Chapter

After all the angst of the last chapters, I owe you some fluff, don’t I? Have fun with this absolutely carefree feel-good chapter!

(I’m German and have never tried to write poetry in English before, don’t judge me)

- - -

“What do you think about the superheroes?”, Marinette asked him out of the blue. They were in her room, filming how she sewed buttons on the beret she was working on. The idea had come from his Akuma’s hat, but her version looked a lot less... extra. It was fun yet classy, his mother would love it. He’d been in the middle of taking a photo to sent it to her when Marinette had asked.

“Huh”, he shrugged. “Not much. Why do you ask?”

“Just out of curiosity. Come on, tell me what you think!”

She truly was random, from time to time. But if she wanted to know...

“I never met them before yesterday, and I don’t remember most of it.”

He tried not to think too much about what had happened, but sometimes he woke up screaming, hearing a voice that had burned itself into his mind like a brand. It felt... tainting to be controlled like that, to be turned into a puppet of his own emotions.

“But Ladybug was... nice.”

He shook his head.

“Totally different than what I expected. I saw her interviews, of course, but I didn’t expect her to really be like this off stage. She seemed... as if she really cared.”

She hadn’t just purified the akuma and been done with it, even though Felix wouldn’t have blamed her if she had. He’d seen Nino’s video, the fight had been brutal. But she’d stayed anyway, despite her obvious exhaustion. She’d made sure he was alright, and assured him he wasn’t at fault for anything. This wasn’t just a duty to her; it was her vocation. Felix admired that.

“And Chat Noir?”, Marinette pressed on. “What do you think about him?”

She was quite curious today, wasn’t she?

“He’s a threat, a loose canon.”, he said truthfully, voice cutting. “He’s a danger to himself, Ladybug and the entirety of Paris.”

He didn’t have any memories from his time as Sentiquill, but some of his feelings had remained after his defeat. Admiration for Ladybug, respect for Chloé, hate for Hawkmoth. And a burning sense of disgust towards that despicable Chat Noir. Not even as an Akuma he had liked him.

“I don’t understand how he could be this apathetic.”, he murmured. “As if it was all some kind of game to him! His partner was in danger, and he just... didn’t care. He has so much power, so much responsibility. But he wastes it like a child throwing a tantrum.”

He looked down.

“I don’t trust him to take his role seriously.”

If it had been Marinette instead of Rose...

And even worse, Marinette had been in Paris since the very beginning! She had witnessed dozens of Akuma’s, most of them coming out of her immediate vicinity. To think that her safety relied that greatly on someone like Chat Noir... was more than unsettling.

“Felix...”, Marinette started, biting her lip. “Would you... Do you think you’d be a better Chat Noir?”

“I think anyone could be a better Chat Noir.”

“That’s no answer!”

What was it with superheroes today? She seemed really fixated on the topic.

He sighed.

“I think... Ladybug needs a partner that has no problem following her lead. And I’m... stubborn. I would likely ruin her plans by improvising in the last second, or think I knew better. I’m no good as a sidekick.”

Marinette hummed, deep in her own thoughts. The way her brows twitched was just too adorable.

“Maybe...”, she pondered and he forced himself out of his reverie, “Maybe that could be a good thing. What if Ladybug doesn’t want a sidekick, but a partner? An equal who will actively help with her plans, not just follow orders. Someone who’s on the same wavelength as her.”

He doubted he was the right one for that. Ladybug was... sweet. Everyone liked her, looked up to her. Felix on the other hand was kind of a prick next to her.

“Maybe you should be Chat Noir instead.”, he suggested. “You’re definitely the type Ladybug would click with. You’re both clever, creative at problem solving, natural leaders...”

He promptly regretted his words, because now he was picturing Marinette in black leather and cat ears, which made his cheeks redder than ripe tomatoes. Bad idea, bad idea, bad idea!

“I-I mean! You’d be a great hero!”

Oh fuck, he was stammering! He coughed a few times to collect himself. Luckily, Marinette didn’t think much of his reaction, instead she fumbled with the necklace she’d started to wear yesterday. A simple string of grey yarn that had its pendant hidden under her shirt. He narrowed his eyes. Was that...?

“Oh!”, Marinette said when she followed his gaze. “Um, that! It‘s Chat Noir merchandise I ordered online, but now...”

She pulled out the pendant, which turned out to be a surprisingly good replica of Chat Noir’s ring.

“I don’t really want to wear it anymore, after everything that happened, but it would be a waste to just throw it away.”

“Ah, I see.”

What a shame, it looked high quality. But if she was interested in superhero merch, maybe he could ask his mother to make her Ladybug earrings? Or try to create jewelry himself?

His eyes fell on her earlobes, on her black earrings to be precise. He’d never seen her without them, and she’d told him they were very important to her.

Hm. He felt as if that should tell him something...

Shrugging, he brought his thoughts back to possible gifts. Maybe he should opt for a Ladybug necklace instead.

-

“Aaaaah, finally done!”, Marinette sighed after clicking ‘send’. Days of planning, designing, filming and cutting had now resulted in a twenty minute video, complete with voice-over and footnotes. Sure, the camera she’d used wasn’t very great, and the picture was a bit wobbly around the five minute mark, but now it was clipped to an email and on its way to TV1.

She did it! And there even was a day left until the end of the deadline!

“I’m sure they’ll be amazed.”, Felix assured her and leaned back in his chair. “And if not, I can always bribe them!”

“Don’t you dare!”, she laughed. “This will be my grand debut! No cheating!”

“Grand debut? I didn’t know you were that interested in journalism.”

Marinette fell back on her couch, replaying the report on her phone.

“I’m not. At least not as a career.”

She pointed at the bowler hat on her desk, the one she’d made for the Agreste Competition.

“But as a future designer, I need publicity. To show the world what I can do. Gabriel Agreste’s hat competition was a start, but it was centered mostly on the hat itself, not me as its designer. This contest on the other hand gives me a real platform!”

“Like a portfolio in video format.”, Felix realized. “That’s why you wanted to film here, not in my Mum’s atelier? So you could show all your other designs and materials?”

He clicked his tongue when she nodded.

“Brilliant. That way, everyone can see you’re a professional already and are serious about this.”

“It’s my chance to advertise myself.”, she agreed. “Even if I don’t win, the report is going to be viewed by a great amount of people! I hope that I’ll get commissioned more after this, maybe even receive offers for internships and so on.”

She put her phone away and stretched.

“Anyway, it’s going to look great on my resume!”

“Already planning the long game, huh?”, Felix chuckled and fell on the couch next to her. They had worked the whole day and were equally exhausted. “Now all we have to do is wait.”

She glanced sideways at his profile. He was looking at the roof, the pictures she’d plastered it with. Instead of Adrien, there were sketches of designs she had in mind, or pictures of her friends. A lot of them had Felix in them as well.

She smiled. In the short time he had been in her life, he had already turned into such an existential part of it.

“Thank you.”

He turned to look at her, surprised.

“For what?”

Hard to explain. The urge to thank him had come over her out of the blue, not directed at anything in particular. Just a general gratefulness to have him at her side.

His cheeks turned red when she told him this, word for cheesy word.

“You’re exaggerating.”, he murmured, and she pouted.

“I’m not! For someone that confident, you really gotta learn how to take a compliment.”

“I don’t get them that often!”, he grumbled in his defense. “At least not from people that matter to me.”

Now she was blushing herself. Stupid! They were friends, so of course she mattered to him.

Still. Hearing him say it was... something different. It made her heart flutter and her head swim.

“You matter to me as well.”, she confessed. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. No, really!”

She gave him a little shove when he opened his mouth, likely to say something sarcastic and ruin the moment.

“You’ve done so much for me. You’re the only one that sticks with me, no matter what, and you’re the one that makes me want to... grow. With you, I feel like I’m invincible.”

His lips parted to answer, but no sound left him. Eyes glistening with... something he just stared at her, awestruck. This time she held his gaze, as if she could transmit the magnitude of her feelings for him via eye contact. He had to know, to understand how much he meant to her.

“Why?”, he breathed eventually, his voice so soft she barely heard him. “Why are you... telling me this?”

“Just so... Just so you know.”, she croaked, overcome by a strange kind of sentimentality. “I feel like I could lose you otherwise.”

“You won’t lose me.”, he promised and propped his head up on his hand to look her in the eye. “Never. I wouldn’t leave you for the world.”

She believed him. After everything that happened - with their class, Adrien, even Alya though she never meant to hurt her - she still couldn’t doubt for even a second that he spoke the truth. Felix was there for her. He wouldn’t turn on her, not ever.

A harsh ring broke the intimacy, shaking them out of the tender moment.

“I-It’s Cordelia.”, Felix uttered when he looked on his phone. His voice was hoarse and he coughed to clear his throat. “She told me to be home around eight.”

It was almost nine already.

“I should get going.”

Marinette sat up and rubbed the back of her head.

“Oh! Yeah, I’ll, uh, bring you to the door.”

“Right. Er, thanks.”

The silence between them as they walked down the stairs was a bit awkward. Marinette’s heart was still racing for reasons she didn’t want to examine right now, and she bumped in almost every piece of furniture on their way down. And what was up with her hands?! They were clasping at her jacket, her pockets, each other, as if they didn’t know how to relax anymore.

“I... I’ll see you on Monday, then.”, Felix said at the door, clutching the strap of his bag like a lifeline. Had she said too much? Had she embarrassed herself, or made him uncomfortable?!

“I-I guess.”, she stammered like a complete idiot. To her surprise, Felix didn’t leave yet. Instead he fumbled with a piece of paper before holding it out to her.

“It’s not much.”, he mumbled, before straightening himself. “But it’s sincere, and you should have it. I wrote it for you, after all.”

Hesitantly she took the folded paper from him. It was rough around one side, as if he had ripped it out of his book last minute, but his hand writing was as elegant as always. Intrigued she began to read.

Fierce and fervent, a force to behold,

Clever and cheerful, so charmingly bold,

A force to reckon with, a bright-blazing light,

You guide and beckon me, my star in the night.

“I didn’t think a lot about it, it’s more of a draft, actually.”, Felix tried to play it down as she stared at his poem, at a loss for words. “I’ll give you the improved version later, it’s okay if you throw this one away. It’s barely eight lines, I mean, I just-“

He stopped his stupid, stupid blabbering when she put her hand on his shoulder. Without hesitancy, she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

“I love it.”, she said, meaning every word to the letter. “It’s perfect.”

-

She held the paper like a treasure, even long after Felix had gone home.

“Can you believe it?”, she asked Tikki as she all but danced through her room, searching for tape to glue it on her wall. “He wrote it just for me! He just- just sat down, thought about me and wrote this! It’s wonderful!”

“That was so sweet of him!”, Tikki agreed, flying around her chosen. “He must have put a lot of effort in this, with how flustered he was after your reaction.”

The Kwami gave her a cheeky grin.

“Or maybe that had more to do with the fact that you kissed him.”

Marinette blushed and accidentally taped her fingers to the wall instead.

“O-only on the cheek!”, she corrected her little friend. “Geez, you make it sound as if I had... as if I... you know.”

“Do I?”

Tikki giggled when Marinette gave her a glare.

“Alright, alright, I’m just teasing you. But I do have a question.”

“Hm?”, she asked and finally managed to get the poem on her wall. The deep violet ink fit into her room’s color scheme perfectly.

“Why didn’t you give Plagg’s Miraculous to Felix?”, Tikki wondered. “His bag was right there, and we know you’d make a great team!”

Marinette sighed, holding the miraculous in her open palm.

“I think so as well, and I really wanted to! But...”

She closed her hand around it.

“This can’t be a decision I make so quickly. And certainly none I make just because I like Felix. Ladybug’s partner has to be someone that has proven themselves to be a hero. I can’t let my personal feelings interfere with that choice.”

Tikki floated closer.

“But what if Hawkmoth attacks with a new Akuma before you found someone?”

“I already thought of that.”, Marinette smirked with pride. “Chloé has worked on herself a lot, lately, and she’s reliable. She has shown she can handle being a temporary hero, even if she can’t keep the Miraculous. She might not be my first choice as a partner, and I don’t think she’s ready for such a great duty. But if Hawkmoth attacks before I’m ready to make a choice, I’ll ask Chloé to step in as a temporary Chatte Noire.”

“You really thought a lot about this!”, Tikki praised her. “I’m proud of how well you handle this responsibility.”

Marinette smiled and ran her hand over the rim of Felix’ poem.

“Thanks.”

She smirked.

“But I’ll definitely keep an eye on Felix. For professional reasons, of course.”

-

When Felix came to school on Monday, he was still reeling from Marinette’s reaction last Friday. Cordelia had been awaiting him with her infamous frown when he’d finally arrived at home, but quickly put on a knowing grin when she’d seen his face. “Our boy is in love.”, she’d whispered to his mother, thinking he wasn’t listening. “Let’s give him a pass.”

He had never felt this happy. Not just content or satisfied, but exuberantly, vigorously happy.

He’d tried to calm himself, he really had. It was just a gesture of gratitude, he’d reasoned. Or alternatively: This was Paris. Didn’t French people greet each other with a kiss on the cheek?

But no matter how he tried to rationalize it, his heart wouldn’t listen.

Marinette had kissed his cheek.

Marinette had kissed his cheek.

Marinette had kissed his cheek!

Bliss lightening his steps and euphoria blazing in his eyes, he was walking so quickly he arrived at school almost half an hour early. He didn’t have it in himself to mind. That way, he’d see Marinette even sooner! Provided that she was actually on time, of course. But so what if she wasn’t? He had the entire day to spend with her! She’d liked his poem - she’d liked his poem! - so maybe he could show her one of the others he had written for her. ‘Star in the night’ had been his personal favorite, but some of his more elaborated poems should-

“Felix!”, called a voice that actually managed to darken his mood. With a groan he quickened his pace, hoping that ignoring her would make her disappear again. Of course he wasn’t that lucky.

“Felix, wait!”, Rossi said again and grabbed his elbow. She grabbed his elbow. Ew.

“Do not touch me.”, he growled, emphasizing every syllable. To his surprise, Lila listened.

“Sure, as you wish!”, she complied cheerfully. He frowned. That was not a good sign.

“What do you want? Aren’t you busy with coddling Agreste’s ego? I’m sure he’s easier for you to handle.”

Rossi grinned and played with her hair.

“My, my, no need to get jealous.”

Ugh. There goes my good mood.

“I’m not putting up with this today.”, he muttered to himself and walked towards the art room. If Aurore or Alix were already there, Rossi wouldn’t dare to try anything. The two were vicious.

“Go and-“ - manipulate one of the other idiots, he wanted to say, but remembered the class’s reaction to Rossi’s latest lie. They were smarter than he gave them credit for, it was time to put his first impression of them aside. “- play famous somewhere else.”

Convinced that this would do the trick he started walking again, only to stop dead in his tracks at her next words.

“I met your father, recently.”

He froze from head to toe. His teeth were clenched so hard he feared he might break something.

“You’re lying.”

“We had a nice, long chat.”, Rossi ignored his reproach. He could hear the smug grin in her face. “About you. And your family situation. René is such a caring father, wanting to watch out for you even after all that he went through.”

“Shut the fuck up, Rossi.”, he seethed, fists twitching. (“You’re useless!”, his father screamed at him. “If I weren’t watching out for you, you’d be dead in a gutter by now!”)

“You don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

“He told me so much about you.”, Rossi continued. Felix wanted to throttle her. “And he agrees that you need a bit more... guidance when it comes to your social life.”

(“Public school?! Don’t make me laugh, Evelyn, he could deal with people even less than you can with PR.”)

“And a reminder of who you are.”

(“Listen here, boy. You are my son, and nothing more. Without me, you wouldn’t last a day basically anywhere. So don’t embarrass yourself by falling for some freeloader’s niceties to you!”)

“Of who you belong with.”

(“This little shit doesn’t want your friendship but my money! You honestly think you’ve got anything to offer otherwise? Stick to the people we belong with, or you’ll be gutted like a fish by these animals!”)

Felix’ breath came flat and panting, his head flooded by moments he desperately tried to forget. He was Felix Leanne, not Bordeaux, and he wouldn’t let himself be defined by some old bigot’s perception of him. His father was gone, and he wouldn’t be able to come back at him any time soon. No looking back, only forward.

“You can deem yourself fortunate,” he pressed out, “that I am no violent person. You wouldn’t be able to spout any more bullshit for a long time, otherwise.”

“Lucky me, huh?”

He hated her. Hated his father. Hated how some stupid, empty words could turn him into a ten year old child again, trembling and so utterly exhausted from everything this bastard threw at him.

“No need to get upset.”, Rossi continued and flung her hair back. “It’s not like I’m threatening you. No, I just want you to give me a chance. Get to know me, you’ll see I’m not as bad as you think!”

She laughed.

“Seriously, Felix, we’d have so much fun together. We’re both artists with words, after all, and we come from similar upbringings. It’s almost scary how well we match, don’t you think?”

She was insane. She’d just straight up manipulated herself into believing this. If he weren’t livid with anger, he’d be impressed.

“You’re going to listen closely, Rossi.”, he ordered her and slowly turned around to face this witch. “No matter what kind of illusion you entertain yourself with, I’ll play no part in that. You’re a manipulative liar, a selfish bully, and just a generally unpleasant person to be around. And neither you nor the monster you call my father have any power over me.”

He wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“There’s nothing you can do to me that matters, in the long run. And I don’t care about him anymore. Don’t ever talk to me again.”

With that, he wanted to storm off. But she wasn’t done with him yet.

“I really wish you didn’t force me to do this.”, she sighed. “But we talked about Dupain-Cheng as well.”

His heart stopped. Not missed a beat, but just refused to work until it had finished clenching in fear. He felt as if he might throw up.

“Did I mention your dad is the producer of Journalism Junior?”, she chuckled. “You know, the contest I signed our class up for? What a coincidence!”

No, no, no, no!

Her eyes were glowing with satisfaction.

“He has access to all videos that are sent in, and he decides which to show. Complete control over his viewers opinion, is what he calls it.”

“What did you do?”, he choked, not sure if he wanted an answer.

“Me? Nothing!”, was her innocent reply. “Not yet, at least. The question is, Felix Darling,” she hummed, “what I can do. And that is a whole lot.”

She crossed her arms and put on her exaggerated thinker face.

“For example, he sent me Marinette’s report as soon as it came in, and oops! I have one with the exact same contents now. The time stamp says I finished it last Tuesday already, and I made it with the highest-quality equipment there is. It would be a shame if Marinette were to be outed as a copycat in front of everyone in Paris, don’t you think?”

He couldn’t breathe. His mother was a designer herself, he knew what this could mean.

“Her career would be over before it began.”, Lila spoke his thoughts out loud. “No one would hire a thief as designer, the contest is going to be watched by millions. And you know me, I’m a sweetheart. Once they see my report, I’ll have everyone make her life miserable forever. Her friends, her teachers, everyone.”

She laughed.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if I could make Adrien smear his fan base against her, the poor boy is as dense as a brick.”

Her smile was the most disturbing thing he’d ever seen.

“Honestly, your dad is so awesome. With him, I can make all my stories a reality! It’s as he says: everything is the truth if enough people believe it.”

“You think you can blackmail me?!”, he snarled at her, hiding his despair. “If you ruin Marinette’s reputation, I can always ask my mother to hire her. She’s already in love with her designs, she can guarantee Marinette the brightest future there is.”

“Oh, Felix.”, Rossi cooed. “Be honest. You know her better than me. Would Marinette accept that? A career given to her out of pity, because you happen to be Leanne’s son?”

It wouldn’t be out of pity. His Mum had kept track of Marinette’s work, fascinated by her skills and creativity. But... Marinette wouldn’t believe that. She’d see it just like Rossi, as something she was handed on a silver platter of pity. She’d never accept that. Not Marinette, who wanted to do everything from scratch, who tried to prove herself so badly she rejected any offer of material help from him. No expensive fabrics, no special sewing machines, no rare supplies. She only ever asked for his support, his opinion, and his hand to hold the camera from time to time.

“But if you finish Marinette,” Rossi continued gleefully, “If you give her the cold shoulder from now on and do as I say, René is going to let Marinette’s report disappear. It just won’t make it into the selection that’ll be published. Might not be good for her ego, but at least she won’t be branded a copycat forever.”

Turning on Marinette? Abandoning her?

“You’re the only one that sticks with me, no matter what.”

He couldn’t do that. He... he couldn’t.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

She meant so much to him, and she was counting on him.

“You matter to me as well.”

He had promised to stay at her side.

“You won’t lose me.”, he had sworn her. “Never. I wouldn’t leave you for the world.”

He’d rather kiss Agreste’s feet than go back on that. But...

“This will be my grand debut!”

Her designing was everything to her. Her passion, her future, her vocation. It was as important to her as his poetry to him.

On his first day, Marinette had risked her reputation, her friendships with the others, simply everything by giving him his poems back. She had taken one look at his writing and understood how much it meant to him. It had been natural for her to put her own happiness last, for someone she hadn’t even known yet.

Felix would be damned if he didn’t do the same for her. If Marinette suffered because of him, he’d never forgive himself.

He desperately wanted to find another way, a hidden loophole in Rossi’s plan, but it was to no avail. The liar had him cornered, backed against the wall.

He was lost.

“What do you want me to do?”, he whispered in defeat.

- - -

MWAHAHAHA! I gotcha! Ya really thought I’d be that fluffy?! Well you were WRONG! SUFFER WITH ME! No one’s getting out of this with all their feels intact! BWAHAHA!

[hawkbucks]

Y’all like SteveTony? Good! So do I! Here are some of my absolute favorite fics ever written for the pairing. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do, and don’t forget to kudos and/or comment :D 

(There are so many soulmate fics here. So many.) 

All-Time Low by Sineala Rating: E Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 12060 Summary: Tony's lost his company to Obadiah Stane. He's lost it all: his money, his friends, his Avengers team... and his sobriety. Drunk, homeless, Tony is living on the streets, and when he runs out of liquor money, he sells the only thing he has left: his body. And one day, he has the exact wrong customer.

All That You Love, All That You Hate by laireshi  Rating: T Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count: 25106 Summary: Director Stark is happily married to Steve Rogers. They have no secrets from each other, and quite a lot from the world—mainly that Steve Rogers is really The Captain, an infamous villain.

Unfortunately, the truly important secrets rarely stay hidden, and when Steve's identity gets revealed, Tony will do anything to keep them both safe.

He's a hero, but it might mean crossing a line that a villain would never even approach.

Amor Fati by citsiurtlanu Rating: T Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count: 15712 Summary: Tony Stark has always known what the words on his wrist are supposed to lead to. What he's never known is who the words are for. 

Bereavement by nightwalker Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 3786 Summary: She sets her clipboard down on her lap and folds her hands over it. “I am very sorry for your loss, Agent Rogers.”   

colours by laireshi Rating: T Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count: 1330 Summary: Steve draws in charcoal, sometimes thinking of how it would be to see colours. Everyone’s heard the legends, myths, stories; every person who’s found their soulmate has exclaimed in wonder, looking around. But it’s not something that could be described.

He doesn't see it for himself, not until he meets Iron Man. 

Convention Exclusive by Sineala Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 5545 Summary: "I'm interested in commissioning a sketch," Iron Man said. He leaned forward, edging into Steve's personal space, splaying his gauntleted hands on the table. "I'd like you to draw me wearing only a tiny thong, with Captain America staring at my nearly-naked body in horror."

(Or: Steve Rogers, former artist for the Captain America comics, is signing autographs at a comics convention when he meets his biggest fan. Not an AU.)

Dispel by faite, laireshi  Rating: T Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 3918 Summary: Steve is hit with a love spell, but he doesn't want it undone: he loves Tony and he's never been happier.  

Follow in Your Footsteps by Sineala  Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 6788 Summary: When Tony is twelve, his soulmate's name appears on his wrist. Unfortunately, it's hard to find out anything at all about Steve Rogers.It turns out there's a reason for that. 

for none of them would save him by laireshi  Rating: T Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count: 3288 Summary: “I'm dead, in your timeline,” Tony said, not a question.

Steve shrugged, quiet and broken. “Everyone is.”

Hard Reset by Kiyaar Rating: T  Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count: 8798 Summary: “You used me,” Steve says, like he expected better.

“What are you going to do about it?” is all Tony ends up saying, pathetic and petulant and tired, though Steve has only ever recognized it as arrogance.

“Now?” Steve says, as if there will be a later. “Now, I’m going to beat you bloody.”

Hide Your Love Away by Sineala Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 33514 Summary: Tony has suspected for a long time that the soulmark on his chest matches Steve's -- but he's never told Steve about it. And then it's too late to tell Steve anything at all ever again. In the wake of Steve's death, the Skrull invasion, and Norman Osborn's rise to power, the identity of his soulmate is just one of the many things Tony cuts out of his memory forever.

When Tony returns to consciousness, he's forced to deal with the aftermath of a war he no longer remembers fighting, not to mention a Steve Rogers who can barely stand to be in the same room with him. Surely the last thing Tony could ever need in his life is more amnesia. But that's what he gets. And Tony's new missing memory just might be the key to finding out the truth of his soulmark... as well as his chance to make things right once and for all.

Nothing Pure Enough by Sineala Rating: M Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count: 2623 Summary: You shouldn't be able to develop a Hanahaki fixation on someone you've never met who's been dead for decades. But Tony has always been special.  

now that we have seen each other by Mizzy Rating: Gen Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply  Word Count: 5235 Summary: Steve's crush on Iron Man seemed to him to be much more reasonable than his crush on Tony Stark. A meeting with some identical Avengers from another reality raises some important identity questions, though, and with their shattering revelations in tow, will Steve's heart survive this experience?

Secrets of a Successful Marriage by valtyr  Rating: M Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 24118 Summary: Tony Stark lives a double life; he's secretly the supervillain known as Iron Man. But his loving husband Steve has a few secrets of his own, as Tony is about to discover.  

Slipping off the Page into Your Hands by Sineala  Rating: M  Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply  Word Count: 68149 Summary: Soulmates have their first words to each other written on their wrists. This should make it easy. For Steve and Tony, it is anything but. Steve's problem is that the future he has awoken into is nothing he was ever expecting: he has a soulmate now. Who might be a robot. And if his soulmate is Iron Man, how can he be so attracted to Tony Stark? It should be impossible. Tony's problem is that he is Iron Man, his soulmate is a man whom he in no way deserves, and he is going to fight everything in his heart and do his best to make sure Steve never, ever finds out the whole truth.

The Truth of It Is by nightwalker Rating: Gen Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 635 Summary: You can't lie to your soulmate, everyone knows that. Tony's always thought it was just hype until he tries to sass Steve and the words freeze in his throat.

Think of This as Solving Problems (That Should Never Have Occurred) by Sineala Rating: T  Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 35216  Summary: No one knows Tony is Iron Man. Then Tony gets amnesia, and literally no one knows Tony is Iron Man.

Fake It by laireshi Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 1159 Summary: “Is it true you and Captain America are dating?” the journalist asked.

Tony gave her his most charming smile. “Captain America likes to keep his life private,” he said. “But he knew who I was when he kissed me.” Another fake, wide smile. “We’re very happy.”

Veridicality by Sineala  Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 2480 Summary: When Steve is accidentally exposed to a truth serum, Tony learns that Steve has been keeping a lot of feelings hidden.

A Certain Affinity by miobambiino Rating: T Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count: 14956 Summary: "They were like that a lot nowadays, ever since they got back from their little kidnapping escapade. Sure, they’d been close before then - they all had - but now… it was different. They were close, close. Squishing up next to each other, whispering to one another, playing with each others hair, apparently.

Steve inwardly grimaced at himself. He was being bitter and petty, he knew that. But he couldn’t figure out why, though. His teammates were getting along, which is only a good thing. Especially considering how they started things off way back on the helicarrier. But since when were Tony and Nat this cosy?"

Aka Steve is jealous of Tony and Nat's friendship, gets the wrong idea, and requires a little help from Nat herself to get some well-needed perspective.

And Then There’s You by someonelsesheart  Rating: T Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count: 5933 Summary: And it’s funny that they’re like this, isn't it, because there's Tony, too-clever and too-fast, always having to be moving, selfish and desperate and cruel, and then there’s Steve with his kindness, his slow smile and his patience, selfless and calm and kind to everything and everyone. They’re fire and ice, good and bad, and somehow, somehow, it works.

Or, Steve Rogers teaches Tony Stark how to love, one year at a time.

Be No Stranger (All Your Saints and Soldiers Remix) by jibrailis Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 5973 Summary: That's the twenty-first century love song, baby. Glitz and glamour and every one of us is a liar.   

finding my way back to you by theappleppielifestyle Rating: Gen Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 7266 Summary: Ten minutes after a botched attempt at proposing to Tony, Steve is thrown back in time.

Lost Together by FestiveFerret Rating: E Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 67977 Summary: Being trapped in a horrible world where some things are like home, and some things are terrifyingly not, is bad enough. But when it becomes clear that the people here come in pairs - and unpaired people are a threat - Steve and Tony are forced to pretend that they're a pair too, if they ever want to make it home alive.  

The Spaces (Silences) Between by missbecky Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 4159 Summary: A sudden accident leaves Tony unable to speak.

Thumb, Index, and Pinky Extended by Eudoxia  Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings Word Count: 4848 Summary: Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

A Thousand Kisses Deep by laireshi  Crossover Between: Earth-616 & Earth-1610 Rating: M Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply  Word Count: 3547 Summary: Steve doesn't seem too happy when Steve Rogers of Marvel Ultimate gets transported into their universe. He seems even less happy when Tony and the new Steve get closer to each other.

Imperfect Mirrors by Sineala Crossover Between: Earth-616 & Earth-199999 Rating: T Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Word Count: 9181 Summary: Two months since Ultron. Two hours since the mindwipe. Things haven't been going well for Tony Stark lately, in two different universes. But they just might be able to help each other out.

Did I forget a link? Did I link to the wrong story? Any other mistakes? Message me and I’ll fix it ASAP! 

Please read all tags for the stories I have linked! 

Happy reading! 

[pyreo]

oh god oh no there’s so many SU words I’m sorry

All great heroes and villains are supposed to be diametrically opposed on something and that’s why Steven and Spinel worked very well against each other, a really simple point of contention with a million complications

The movie started out with that recap of the series told as a storybook, open and closed, beginning to end. Steven is two years older, they’re building a peaceful hope for all gems on Earth, the Diamonds are now like his overbearing aunts who hug too long, the song “Here We Are In The Future” presents this stage as the endpoint - the future is here, this IS the ending, the story has finished. Steven repeatedly refers to his ‘happily ever after’ from now on, a state of harmony he put in the work to achieve, and now gets to enjoy.

And then Spinel comes in, and I could draw a villain comparison from her to Undertale’s Flowey - someone who knows you are the protagonist, who won’t let the story end because they still want to be included, and will ‘reset’ you to force the narrative to continue for their benefit.

Spinel resents that the story took place without her. Moreover, she’s opposed to Steven’s proclamation that the world is fixed now, forever, because the moment she heard that was the moment she realised how broken she was. She would’ve wanted to be in the story, and she would’ve been on the good guys’ side, but nobody included her so she’ll find them and erase their character development, so that she can redo the story and insert herself in it. Her villainy only extends as far as ‘you finished it wrong, you left me behind, start over and put me in the narrative’. After she resets the CGs and Steven’s gem she keeps laughing as Steven returns the blow and resets her too, implying maybe that it was her plan to force them back to stage one and erase her memories after making sure she was now present as the story repeats.

Then Steven has to recreate everything he’s learned about his family to bring back their true selves - from the connections they’ve made to their heartbreak. There’s a very consistent message that your ‘true self’ isn’t you without your bad experiences, unaffected by them, that you’re a whole person because of them.

But the funny thing about the clash over whether or not the story is finished is that Steven is wrong. When Steven says ‘this point of happily ever after is where the story stops’, Spinel hears ‘you’re stuck here and can’t develop past your trauma’. She sets out to prove him wrong because she hasn’t yet recovered. She hasn’t done her character arc yet. She’s missed everything. Steven’s side of the argument is essentially to deny that Steven Universe, the cartoon, will continue, and Spinel’s argument is that she’ll make it continue until she gets closure - and of course any continuation of their story will involve the character development that Spinel craves and that Steven explicitly says he’s done having.

The movie is a metanarrative about characters who are vaguely aware of their continued existence only when there are more problems to be solved, as recognised by the language they use, like the line “I’ve heard the story over and over again” referring to their own plot, and Peridot’s “but my character development” joke. When Steven laments that he still doesn’t have his powers back despite reliving every terrible thing that’s ever happened to him, he realises his mistake; that you can’t inhabit a preserved moment of reality forever, and things will continue to change, but the ability to do so is the entire reason he as a half-gem hybrid exists. And the change he embodies is why he infuriates Spinel and why she wants what he is - “When you change you change for the better, when I change, I change for the worse”. She wants to recover from abandonment and stop unhealthy ways of expressing her grief, and doesn’t think herself capable.

Which is why when Steven, still in denial, says she can shut down the drill and they’ll ‘forget it ever happened’, that triggers a relapse. Forgetting it ever happened was her unhealthy plan to get her memories wiped and plant herself in the story. Forgetting it ever happened means discarding the growth she was just able to make and reliving the realisation that nobody in the universe cared about her. In saying that, he reveals he hasn’t figured out that she needs the continuation to be able to heal past this. Spinel’s character development is opposed to Steven’s desire for an unchanging ending-- and he realises he’s wrong and only then is able to assure Spinel in the final song, Change: “You can make it different, you can make it right / You can make an effort, starting with tonight” which effectively gives her permission, from the main character, to alter his world and his story, to have the time, starting now, to work on herself as part of the fiction he’s established - for someone who sees herself as a broken character, inflicting herself and her unfinished arc on someone who finished theirs, to be allowed to exist and told that her unhappiness is welcome among people who have adjusted better from theirs.

The tone of the ending is all about effort. Steven’s realisation is that he’ll always be putting in work towards making the universe safe and happy. Spinel’s realisation is that she CAN be a good person if she wants to, and that decision can only be made by her. Steven’s final act of renewing the life of the Earth from poison by going around kissing patches of it is a metaphor for the constant work one must put in to heal from toxicity. Spinel’s final act of leaving Steven, after seeing him affectionately greet his family, is a literal undertaking of the same task, as she says outright: “I’ve got work to do. Friendship isn’t going to be easy for me. I’m gonna have to work at it. You make me want to try.” She thought what she wanted was to take revenge on the owner of the gem that wronged her, but what she really needed was to stop fixating on the owner of that gem entirely. She recognises that she has a journey ahead and it would be better taken away from Steven, and she cannot insert herself into his life, which is already full of loved ones. She wasn’t there when they all bonded and she can’t reset that. All she can do now is take control of her future.

Which she does. If anything, this movie is about there being no single state of being a good, fair person. It’s an effort you undertake for life, and you can always try to be better at it. You’ll never be done growing. Happiness might be temporary, but anguish will be temporary too. That’s life for you.

[alyssa-ward]

One Door Closes, Nothing Opens

Happens immediately following my post [ Two Roads Diverged... ] and at the same time as Kat’s post [ Sk’uhn’agh shuul ]

Alyssa sits for what feels like hours in her darkened woods.  Grass beneath her knees, hands folded in her lap, her hazel eyed gaze fixated on Kat’s roiling soul, and the red outline that pulses about the black.  No attempt made to speak to the woman who carries the dagger.  There’s no point in it now, the entity has made it clear she can’t trust any conversations with her.  No, the Warlock is now truly alone, to solve this problem without Kat’s aid, or anyone else's.

The sky of her soulscape has faded back to a darkened night sky, without the glittering aurora of Azerite, though even that doesn’t much help her tell the time.  However long it has been, something finally happens.  The rush of movement around Kat’s soul intensifies, the sinister red outline pushing inward in hairline cracks, forcing through the barrier the bracers kept in place.  Seeing it happen sends a wash of guilt though her again.  Her flames may have made those cracks, given the entity purchase.  Still, for now Kat’s barrier seems to hold, that at least is some solace.

Eyes begin to open along its surface, if the thing wrapped about Kat’s soul can’t get to her, then perhaps it can make more use of the woman it shares this soulscape with.  Multitudes of eyes focus on the Warlock seated in the grass, and its voice rolls across her again. 'Give in.'  Words and not words, the entity's message pounds against her hopelessness.

She meets the mass of eyes crawling across the mix of light and void and sighs.  "No," The simple word in return doesn't have much punch or energy. The Warlock has less fight now.  Even with some of her strength restored by the Azerite infusion, she’s just...drained by all of it.

'Shatter these bonds and herald the coming age.'  Every eye that sprouted turned its harrowing gaze towards Alyssa. The pulsations of the putrid corruption quickening against the defences of the bracers.  'Open your eyes and see the inevitable future, the power you deny.'

Could be true.  Could be not.  Another exhaled sigh and Alyssa rises to her feet, smoothing down her long coat, and approaching the soul, within touching distance again.  "You are nothing but lies so far. Why should I believe you’d actually give me this power?  Besides, I'm trapped in here. What would I do with it?"

The soulscape shifts, struggling to do so unlike before. Perhaps it was weak, or Kat was putting up more of a fight than the encounter in the Vale. Only the forest by the grove with Kat's would managed to change to the Old God's vision.  An image of Alyssa, within her body, walking in stride with Kat through the streets of Stormwind. Their eyes pitch black, a small group of Kat's corrupted agents following at their flank.  The City overrun with the forces of N'zoth.  'You have already opened the door, your freedom from this prison could be granted. To stand side by side with her again, equals.'

It rips at Alyssa’s heart, she barely even notices the struggle it faces in manipulating her soulscape.  She’s enthralled instead by the temptation offered to her.  A return to her body.  Power beyond any she might achieve in her lifetime.  Still, she may not always heed the knowledge, but she has learned that power always has cost.  “Would I be me? Would I still have my mind? Freedom?"

The corruption continues to constrict and fight against the soul's defensive barrier, the hairline cracks growing longer and thicker against the darker part of the soul. 'In the coming age, all serve. Those that resist will forever wander tormented in the Sleeping City. Freedom from this prison, this tool that she forces you to her will. To be able to touch someone again, her again.'  The vision shifts, the images jump erratically as the entity struggles still to access the soulscape. The final product now displaying Kat and Alyssa, still in their corrupted "future" forms, fighting together side by side as they eliminate a group of resistance fighters in the twisted and demented streets of Old Town. A massive faceless collecting the bodies from their kill and dragging them out of view and the couple indulge in a fleeting kiss before moving further into the city district.

Another pang as Alyssa drinks in the sight, absorbed in it.  She finds herself barely listening to the whispered words, instead just drawn by the image, by the strength that radiates from the two of them.  "We would be unstoppable together. No more hiding who I really am."  She moves amidst the vision, unaware of how close she is to the soul now.  Her eyes wide, hands clenching and unclenching at her side.  As an obsessive scholar of magic, as someone so desperate for any sort of power that keeps her from helplessness...the temptation is overwhelming.

There was no verbal answer from the entity.   All the eyes fixating on her form as she moved through the vision. The images shifting roughly again, now displaying the couple standing over 'lesser' servants of the Old God motioning orders in the silent vision. Still standing side by side, equals in every visible form. The eyes black and void of life, skin pale and cracked with the dark power. Kat's figure adorned in leathers fitting the horrific vision as Alyssa's robes matched in both style and color; neither carrying any hint of their Gilnean heritage in wardrobe as they do in reality.

Alyssa turns slowly in the midst of it, feeling that old tugging call. She could have everything, all the power this offers. She could rule, and in that way protect everyone who deserves it... "What do I have to do?"  Her own voice surprises her a bit, but she asks it all the same.

'Set her free.'

Alyssa's hands lift, turning focus back to the soul at the midst of the clearing.  Fingertips come within a hair’s breadth of the surface as fire begins to spark along them.  Break the barrier.  Let the corruption flood in.  Then they can be together.  "No."

It’s a struggle to deny it, but her mind rushes back to memory after memory.  Of laying on the couch, head in Kat’s lap reading her latest book.  Of swimming and competing in the river below Alyssa’s cottage.  Walks through Elwynn Forest with Dog pausing their trek to sniff at every little thing on the path.  The memories come in rapid flashes...the things she had with Kat, all of them were earned.  “Not like this.”  Voice more firm as she denies the entity that would ask her to break Kat’s barriers.

Images shift again; Alyssa now stands alone commanding the group of devotees, in her hand the Gilnean made dagger, the engravings illuminated with a deep darkness that seems to spill across the edge. Another obelisk manifests in the soulscape. 'Step forward and open your eyes. If this prison must be filled, then trade your freedom for hers and take the power she so desperately seeks. Your chance at greatness was robbed, stolen by her hand with this very blade.' Several of the eyes seem to narrow as they stare Alyssa down. The lighter side of Kat's soul begins to wane in it's struggle as the corruption seeps further into the "root" of her darker side, the outline barrier of the bracers strained.

It’s the wrong tactic for the entity to take. Alyssa made her decision on this front in that darkened cabin where they fought. Where she died. She won't trade Kat's life for hers, or it would've happened then. Not now, when they've managed to get even closer in spite of it all. "No." Now her voice carries some command.  Every word and temptation put before her strengthens her resolve rather than wearing it down.  For now.  "This prison is temporary, and you won't be the one to release me from it."  Hands extend again, but this time chains of vibrant fel energy latch onto the outer 'skin' around Kat's soul, the ball of corruption that tries to eat its way into it. And like any other soul entity, she starts to pull at it, trying to drag it free of Kat's existence with the chains of soul draining magic she normally uses to make soulshards.

It’s a relief to find that magic comes to her easily still.  With the loss of her felfire she was almost certain the things that made her the fearsome warlock she is were gone.  This though, seems to remain intact, and she pours her energy into trying to pull this thing free of Kat’s soul.

'Foolish. Then you will both be drowned. Crushed beneath my Empire.' The corruption fights back against the chains of fel, continuing to spread further, the once hairline cracks now wider and pulsing as they advance. The thinning barrier now cracking across the imaginary surface like glass, like watching a dam reach capacity. The soulscape shifts on the energetic level, a second presence or consciousness entered the space. "Alyssa..." Spoken weak and strained in the Director's voice, the woman barely able to stand, one leg failing as she keeps herself upright using the workbench in the center clearing. Looking worse for wear, her eyes pitch black and skin cracked in a similar manner to the vision.

Kat’s voice coming now makes her falter, for just a moment.  Is it real?  Another trick?  She glances over her shoulder, getting a brief look at the clearly suffering and corrupted woman who now manifests fully in her soulscape. 

"What do you need me to do Kat. I need you to tell me."  Alyssa shouts back without releasing her magic hold on the entity.  She doesn’t, however, wait for a reply.  Trying to pull it free is clearly doing more harm than good, tearing new cracks in her partner’s defenses.  A few quick words in demonic shouted as she starts to reverse the flow of power. It's clear now that she can't strip the thing away, but maybe she can bolster the layer of protection around the woman's soul instead. The outer edges of vision in this clearing start to blur and fade away, growing hazy and indistinct. The trees most distant fading to nothing, and the grove becoming smaller as Alyssa starts to pump her own soul directly in to try to fill the gaps.

"I'm so sorry." Kat’s manifestation in the soulscape lurches in pain, both hands slamming onto the workbench, nails digging up the wood as the fingers curled. The scream mixed with genuine pain and a deeper echo of something far more sinister. "Stop!" Collapsing against the workbench she slid to the ground below, the very image of defeat. The lifeless black gaze welled with tears as she looked up towards Alyssa, fear and sorrow mixing clearly in her expression. "It's too late, Alyssa." Another grimace and wince of pain, a lower guttural scream as her body stiffened for a moment, the void cracks across the skin growing.

"It’s not!  It's not too late damnit.  If you die I'm stuck in here.  That's not going to happen!" Her words a shout as she continues to pump magic through herself into the barriers around Kat's soul.  They aren’t the words she really wanted to say.  If there was more time, maybe it would bother her that she said the selfish thing instead of expressing all the reasons she really needs Kat to live. 

"You're just another illusion trying to stop me.”  Instead of words of calm, or attempt to reassure the corrupted woman, Alyssa closes her off.  Teeth grit, pain rocking her form as more and more of the grove fades.  In the moment, she’s made the decision...she’ll die doing this if she has to.  She will channel all there is of Alyssa, till she’s nothing but a memory, to mend this damage.

"I'm not!" Kat’s pleading shout collided with another roar of pain, the glass like cracks doubling in the blink of an eye as the corruption continued to fight back. "I wanted to go home, really I did. I tried and I- You were right."  Words were broken up by labored breaths as one hand reaches upward for Alyssa, weak and shaking as it tried to stay in the air.  "I won't let it take you too."

Alyssa falters as Kat reaches for her. "You...I...I don't know what to do..." A helpless look shot between Kat and the void thing that peers down at her with its many eyes.  Her resolve slips, the firm decision made just a moment ago shaken by the realization that this might be real.  It could actually be Kat, and not another trick. "Maybe..."  A look back at the soul, the growing cracks in its armour.  A yank pulls free the chains of soul magic before she fires them forward again.  This time they aim to pierce between the cracks in the protective barrier.  She aims to latch onto Kat's soul directly and pulls, looking to syphon it out. 

It’s another thoughtless and desperate move, but Alyssa is running in full on those now.  Maybe she can fully pull Kat into the Dagger with her to separate her from the entity.  Maybe, so very many maybies.  A nagging voice at the back of her head begs her to stop all of this, to give up and turn around and spend the last few moments she will ever have with the woman she loves, but she can’t tell if it’s her own voice, or the void’s, so she persists.

What remains of the barrier fights back, sending energetic feedback across the fel chains. "No! You'll just pull it in here with you!" Kat shouted painfully as she pushed to her feet, staggering as she closed the distance and reached out towards Alyssa, grabbing her wrists and pulling her away, so they'd stand face to face.  "This was my mistake, my consequence to bear."  The tears were rolling quickly as that deep seeded sorrow mixed with pain. Leaning forward with eyes closed she put her forehead against the other's.  "Not all of you need to go down with me."  It was spoken softly, and Alyssa realizes she means not just herself, but also the silver thread in Kat’s soul.

Her spell work breaks as hands, real 'solid' hands grab her wrists and pull her to face Kat. She finds tears coming unbidden too as she looks at the woman, seeing her for the first time since that fateful night.  All her efforts to solve this, everything she’s put into it, nothing seems to be working, and now that it’s too late perhaps finally Kat has gotten through to her.

"What am I supposed to do Kat!"  She steps in to the other woman, pulling hands free so she can wrap arms about her corrupted form, forehead resting on hers in return. "Y'did all this talk about 'ow y’needed me?”  Talking now in person, her accent is there again. “Well I need you too, besides, if I let y’go 'ere and now then what...I'm just in a dagger in the desert forever? That really any better?"

Kat may have claimed this is her consequence to bare, but letting go, calling it a loss, impacts more than just the Director.  Alyssa flicks a glance over her shoulder. "I can pull that piece out...I think...if y'need."  A small concession.  If this is really the end, she can at least save whoever owns the silver sliver from what’s coming.

"No such thing as forever, you should know that." The barrier around the soul cracks further, seconds from giving way under the pressure. Kat nods as Alyssa connects the dots. "I love you Alyssa and part of love is letting go."

A brief surge of anger. Those words come now? After all this, after everything she's given, after everything she's done...now Kat finally says 'I love you' and is then going away?

"I love you too Kat..." the anger doesn’t come through in her words, in the moment she just wants to say them back.  The tears now flow freely.  

Alyssa has survived many dire situations in her life.  The weeks of desperate survival in the basement in Gilneas.  The plummet into the bonfire when she was called a witch.  Walking the streets of Silvermoon as a ‘mute’ as not to blow her cover as she finished her ‘one last job’ for Clyde’s syndicate.  At times she’s felt helpless, without hope.  None of them have compared to this situation now.  It wasn’t supposed to go this way.  They were supposed to figure it out, get their happily ever after.  "I'm sorry I can't do more...I won't forget you."  The words are nearly choked out.

She leans in to briefly touch lips to the other woman's, wanting to linger there for longer...but there is work to do. She releases Kat, turning away to focus her magic on the silver thread running through Kat's soul, choking out the words in demonic needed for the ritual as her deft magic, pausing on occasion to repeat herself for clarity, blinking away tears as she begins to twist the silver strip out, drawing it free beginning to funnel it towards a tiny crystal that forms between her hands.

"You did all you could. It's my turn now."  Kat’s voice comes from behind Alyssa.  Then one last whisper.  "Find me."  It was all that was spoken.  Alyssa doesn’t turn, focused on the soul as the last of the protective barrier shatters and falls into the soulscape like broken glass. The corruption pours in like a hungry tide, swallowing up the dark part of the soul in seconds. With the barrier gone Alyssa's magic can work freely and she completes her incantation, plucking free the silver strand, completing the ritual to save a tiny piece of someone else’s soul. 

The corruption now turns to invade the soulscape, much as it did before, spreading like a plague in the grove, overrunning the trees with tendrils and maws.  With her job accomplished, Alyssa starts to turn back towards Kat, only to find her gone.  Instead her grove is filled once more with the Old God’s will, and she retreats from the corrupted and breaking soul in attempt to make some space, conjuring flame to hands again. 

In the mayhem an explosion sounds from Kat's soul as the Light is strangled and reduced to nothing. Or so it seemed at first, a few seconds later a beam of light shoots out from the soul and collides on the far side of the grove, leaving a fog for a second before it clears.  A white wolf curled up and sleeping where the beam lands.  At the same time whatever remains of Kat's soul vanishes.  Either dead, or the dagger has been dropped, or any number of other things.  In the moment, Alyssa’s sinking and empty heart assumes all the worst ones.

She rushes to the side of the sleeping wolf, and even as she does, with the now absence of Kat’s soul, the Old God goes too.  The corruption leaves the quiet grove of Alyssa’s soulscape, no sign of the chaos that reigned here moments ago.  “Who and what are you?”  A touch of wonder as she tries to make sense of the wolf sleeping in her space, a bit too in shock still to process all that just happened.

The slumbering wolf did not seem to move, or acknowledge Alyssa's presence in any way. It's fur an almost pure white, the ends of the hair shimmering with touches of light as Aly looks close enough.

A soft sigh, at first, relief that whatever just happened is over.  It gives way though to horror as she really properly processes everything.  Falling to her knees, she reaches a tentative hand down to run through the Wolf's fur. "Find me she says. How am I supposed to do anything from here?"  A helpless whine to words as she tries to take in the final request given to her.

For the moment, Alyssa doesn’t know what to do, or how to do anything at all.  She holds the tiny shard that represents a piece of Jaqueline’s soul, buries her face against the side of the sleeping wolf, and lets the emotions run her over.  Kat is gone, lost to the corruption of N’zoth.  Alyssa failed to protect the woman she loved, and in the end, she’s lost everything.

Shoulder’s tremble, and then heave, a sniffle through nose, and then a wailing cry as the Warlock finally gives up and lets her tears stain the Lightbound fur of the last relic of Kat Hawke that haunts her woods.

[ @kat-hawke​ ]

[ Brief to @shewolf-jacqueline​ ]

[that-one-jasper]

Optimus Prime X Ignored! Reader

(Takes place during season 3.)

Regular P.o.V (At the Base)

You sat quietly in the base, reading a book and minding your own business. Miko, Raf, and Jack were all watching T.V on the human loft along with Bee, who had joined them not too long ago. You didn't want to watch the T.V show, however, and just decided to read. Everyone seemed to be busy as, Ratchet and Smokescreen were doing their own thing, Wheeljack was out doing patrol, while Bulkhead, Arcee, Ultra Magnus and Optimus were all out on a mission. You'd be lying if you say you didn't have a small crush on the Prime, and it was more than easy to keep it hidden from everyone.    That was because from how quiet you were and with the fact that you may have accidentally helped Megatron locate the old base, they'd usually forget you were there, which you assumed was happening now, as Smokescreen almost accidentally stepped on you.      "Could you please watch where you step? You almost squished me." You spoke, though your words fell on def ears. Smokescreen had just continued walking, not even noticing you were there. You frowned and crossed your arms, then decided to just go watch T.V with the others. Nothing was really the same after being rescued from the Decepticons, everyone just seemed to hold a grudge against you except for Optimus and Ratchet, but even they have been a little distant.

      Walking up the stairs, you smiled a small bit and sat down on the couch. "What're we watching?" You asked, looking over to Miko who didn't even glance at you. Your smile faltered, and you looked over at Jack, who was fixated on his phone. "Jack?" You questioned, but still not getting a response. Frowning, you looked over at Raf and Bee who were looking at whatever was on Raf's computer. "Guys?" You spoke, looking over at them. No one gave you a response, which ticked you off. You were apart of this team too, but if no one bothered to even glance at you, maybe they thought differently.  You walked back down the stairs, and towards one of the exits. If they didn't want to even acknowledge you, than they wouldn't notice you leaving.      However, just as you were about to leave, the ground bridge had opened up, signaling that Optimus and the others have returned.     You didn't care though and kept on walking towards the door, already fed up with the other's behavior. You didn't even bother moving out of the way when Wheeljack came into the base, barely missing you. "Hey! Watch where you're walkin' kid!" He shouted, swerving so he wouldn't hit you. You didn't react, and just kept on walking, not even bothered by the shocked looks everyone was giving you and kept on walking until you were out of the base.

---With the Others---        "What's her problem?" Smokescreen asked, looking off in the direction you left in. "Who're you talking about?" Miko asked, turning her attention away from the T.V. "I'm talking about Y/n, of course! Who else would I be talking about?" Miko just shrugged her shoulders and gave him a bored look. "Did anything happen while we were gone?" Arcee spoke, looking over at the three humans. "I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention." Jack replied, looking back down to his phone. Optimus looked over at Ratchet, and was about to say something when the medic stopped him before he could. "Don't look at me, I wasn't aware she was in a bad mood." He defended, before turning around again and getting back to work. The Prime sighed, and looked at the group.     "I have noticed some tensions between us, and Y/n." He began, everyone giving him their attention. "I would like to know why, and how we can solve it." He ended, speaking calmly. "It's because she helped Magatron! How do you think he located the old base?" Miko answered, crossing her arms and flopping back onto the couch. "Are we all still upset about that?" Ratchet asked in a stern voice. "It's done and over with." The Prime nodded. "We should not hold grudges, especially against one who has lost too much." Everyone gave him confused glances. " What do you mean Optimus?" Bulkhead questioned, looking up at the leader. "I do not believe it is in my place to tell, and I think it best if we let Y/n tell us herself, when she comes back to the Base." "How long will that be?" Wheeljack asked, still a little annoyed about almost hitting you.  "It might be awhile, so we'll have to be patient." Prime replied, looking towards the exit.

----Time Skip (3 Hours later)----

     It had been a few hours since you left, and you have not went back yet. Unknown to you, everyone was starting to get a little worried about where you were, though, you didn't think they'd care. You just decided that it'd be best off if you avoided all the bots and humans for awhile, so you had gone to a secret place that only you were aware of.      The place was a nice little cave, and at the back of it was a small waterfall, which you enjoyed. It was calm and peaceful, and, no one could ignore you if there wasn't anyone else there. There was a small hole where you could climb in and end up behind the waterfall, which was usually where you stayed while you where in the cave.    As you crawled in behind the waterfall, you sat with your knees up to your chest. 'It's not fair how they treat me..' You thought, a blank expression on your face. You wanted to go back to the Base, you really did, but what good would it do you if you were just ignored again? You were pretty sure that the only bots that would miss or notice your absence was Ratchet or Optimus, seeing as they were the only two who were seemingly concerned about your well-being.   "And you are certain you saw the human come in here?" A loud voice echoed. Your head shot up, and behind the waterfall, you could make out the figures of Megatron, along with Starscream. "I am certain, my Lord." You froze in fear, and backed up as much as you could without making any noise. "Then where is it?" The warlord demanded, a scowl across his faceplate.  The seeker just smirked, walked closer to the waterfall and reached a large servo through the hole you had entered through, and snatched you out of your tiny hiding spot. "Good. We can leave her with Knockout. I'm sure he can handle that without screwing up." Megatron began walking the way out of the cave, Starscream carrying you close behind the former gladiator.

---Back at Base--

   You still haven't returned and Optimus was getting a little bit concerned. "Optimus, have you heard anything from Y/n?" Ratchet asked, looking away from one of his current tools. "No, not yet. I have a grave feeling, however." The Prime answered. "Maybe we should look for her, y'now, just in case the Decepticons have her." Jack suggested, looking up from the video game he was playing with Raf.     "I still don't think we can trust her!" Miko argued. "Miko, you need to understand that the Decepticons  locating the old Base wasn't Y/n's fault." Bulkhead spoke, looking down at the human. "And like Optimus said, she's been through a lot and we shouldn't hold grudges." Raf added on, also looking up from the video game. "Yeah, yeah," Miko grumbled sarcastically. "Do you really think it was Y/n's fault that the Decepticons forced her to say where it was?" Arcee added, walking up to the small group. "They would've found out anyway, with their 'fortress' being right next to us and all." Miko still shook her head. "Miko, I think maybe just you're stressed. Why don't you go for a ride with Bulkhead?" Raf suggested, putting the game controller down.   The girl sighed, and nodded her head. "Fine. But I don't think a drive could help." She replied, walking down the stairs of the Human loft and getting into Bulkhead's Alt mode and driving out of the Base.

A few minutes later, the Autobots got a message. "Who is it?" Wheeljack questioned, walking up to the Medic who was intently staring at the screen. "Megatron.." The medic replied, a scowl clear on his features. Everyone in the room seemed to stop what they were doing and listened in on what the Warlord had to say.   "What do you want, Megatron?" Optimus questioned, in his usual calm voice. "Well, I believe I have something that you may want." He smirked, and showed you up to the screen. "Y/n!?" The bots shout in disbelief.

----On the Nemisis, Your P.O.V (Idk if I spelt that right.)---

    Megatron held me up to the screen, and I waved sheepishly. "Hi.." I say quietly, terrified of the warlord. "Why do you have her?" Prime asked, seemingly glaring daggers at the gray bot. "Oh, well she wasn't with you. And, she's seemed to have warmed up to Knockout." He told, pulling up security footage of you and Knockout talking and laughing after you were dropped off.   All the Autobots had shocked faces, and no one said anything until Wheeljack piped up.                     "Maybe we shouldn't of trusted her." It was dead silent. You were holding back tears, not believing what was happening. "Y/n?..." Prime's voice was soft, but still a little stern. "It's not my fault.." You start, gaining confidence. "it's not my fault everyone ignored me there. You all treated me like I was some outcast-a monster! I have done nothing wrong to deserve that! No one wanted to hear me, my opinions or thoughts! You all thought I was a traitor! You guys were everything that I had left! I had no one else!" You screamed, tears running down you cheeks.   Megatron merely chuckled, and looked at Optimus directly in the optics. "Maybe you should've cared more for your pet, Optimus. Too bad she won't live long enough for you to do so." He sneered, his red optics glowing intently. "If you want her, come to these coordinates and come alone." Was all he said and closed the call, and setting you back in the servos of Knockout, who was sitting quietly behind the Warlord.   "It's not fair.." You whimpered, wiping your eyes. Knockout sighed, and began walking towards the Med bay. "Nothing truly is fair, dear."

---Back at Base---

"She's with the Decepticons now.."     "We just lost a great member.."    "We need to go after her."     Comments from everyone filled in the dense silence, but the Autobot Leader never spoke a word. "What are we gonna do Optimus?" Smokescreen asked, his voice full of concern. "I'm not entirely sure, Smokescreen." The Prime replied, getting more concerned by the second.   Why would you willingly warm up to a Decepticon so easily? Has he really treated you like you were an outcast? "But I hope you all do see the consequences of your actions." The Prime said, looking down on his team. "However I will not deny, that I too, have been ignoring Y/n these past few days." He admitted, as a little twinge of sadness and guilt hit him. "Ratchet, please activate the ground bridge to the coordinates." He looked over to the medic, who was hesitantly typing in the coordinates. "You can't go alone Optimus, it's too dangerous." Arcee spoke, concerned for their leader. "I know. But we need Y/n back safe at the base. If anything does happen, I will call for a ground bridge and back up." He told, looking at the other bots in the base.

     The ground bridge started up, and Optimus walked through, blasters activated in case. The Autobot leader walked through the portal as it closed, and saw Megatron, you, and Knockout. "Ah, Optimus. Glad you could make it." Megatron chuckled, and looked over at Knockout. "I suppose you would like to give Prime back his pet?"    Knockout looked up from talking to you, and smirked. "Well, no not really my leige. I have grown rather fond of her." Came the medic's reply. "And how does the human feel?" Megatron questioned, staring at you.

  You shuffled nervously, and looked back over at Optimus, then back at Knockout. "I'd..I-uh, I would like to go back, please." You replied nervously, turning your attention to the ground.      Knockout looked a little hurt by your choice, but didn't say anything. "I'm sorry." You whispered quietly to Knockout. "You heard the human, Knockout. Give it to Prime." Megatron ordered, making the Decepticon medic angrily walk over to Prime and shove you into his servo, careful not to hurt you. "You're a piece of scrap metal for treating her like you did." Knockout growled, and walked back over to Megatron's side.

  "Megatron. What're you up to?" Optimus glared at the warlord, who in turn just smirked. "Is that honestly what you're worried about? I would've assumed the giant Predacon would've been more concerning.

     Suddenly, a giant metal like dragon appeared behind you and Optimus, scaring you senseless. "Have fun." Megatron chuckled before flying off, while Knockout was getting into a ground bridge.

"Optimus, what's that?" you asked, fear taking over your system. "A Predacon, it's almost as the creatures from your history-dragons, as you call them." you nodded. "Let's go, can you get a ground bridge?" You question, as Optimus and the Predacon have a stare down. The Autobot Leader nodded, and commed ratchet.     'We need an immediate ground bridge.' He spoke into the comm, and in less than a minute a ground bridge was opened.   Just as you and Optimus turned around, the predacon started charging towards you, making Optimus transform around you and speed into the portal, just escaping the flames that flew out of the predacon's throat.

    You stepped out of Optimus's vehicle form, and went back into your small little corner of the base where you had been reading earlier, as you assumed everything was just going to be like before.

  "Thank Primus you both are okay." Ratchet sighed, looking at Optimus then at you. "She only just got back, and she's already acting like she didn't just get rescued." Smokescreen said, walking over to Ratchet and Optimus. "Give her time, Smokescreen. She's probably tired." Optimus said, looking over at you.   You looked up at the Prime, hearing his last comment. "I'm not tired, I'm just waiting." The Prime looked over and gave you a confused look. "Waiting? What're you waiting for?"      Optimus began walking over to you, leaving Ratchet and Smokescreen to talk. "For things to go back to normal. It'll only be a matter of time before everyone starts ignoring me again." You sighed, and ran a hand through your hair.     Optimus frowned, and gently picked you up and set you down in his servo. "Y/n, if there is one thing I am absolutely certain of, it is that this team will no longer ignore you. You're apart of this team, and deserve to be treated that way. We all will make sure you no longer feel isolated, alright?" You felt tears blur your vision and you smiled. "Are you sure?" You asked for confirmation, to which he nodded his head. That was the moment that you started crying and motioned for him to come closer.     As Optimus moved close enough, you stood up and gave his faceplate a hug, making the Prime a little surprised by the action. "Thank you, Optimus. It really means a lot to me." You wiped your eyes, and you could faintly see a smile on his faceplate.

---Time Skip To A Week Later---

It had been a week since Optimus had rescued you, and everyone has been actually treating you like you were apart of the team. Of course, it did take a few days, but on the day you were rescued Optimus called a meeting for everyone to discuss why they'd been ignoring you, and why you had gotten so fond of Knockout. But, it was mostly the first one. Even Miko started treating you like a member of the team, which made you really happy.

   Of course, over the course of the week your feelings for the Prime grew, until you'd get too nervous to even say anything to him without stuttering. You'd also had been noticing him acting more, uh, protective of you then anyone else, though he also seemed a lot less strict towards you-it was very complicated.     However it didn't stop the team from noticing your interests with each other, and without you two noticing, setting you to 'up,' as Miko would say. The others would always send you guys on patrol with each other, or look after your's and Optimus's responsibilities so the two of you could hang out. You both were still oblivious to the others' feelings though, so not a lot of progress was made.

 Today, however, as you and Optimus were going out on patrol, you were going to admit your feelings to him, and hope that he feels the same.

 "Y/n, you ready to go?" Optimus asked, walking up to the human space were you sat. You nodded, and stood up, and quickly walked over to Optimus, him transforming into his vehicle mode. The two of you drove out of the base and into the seemingly endless desert of  Jasper Nevada. You two sat in comfortable silence, until you started speaking.   "Optimus?" You started but waited for a response. "Yes Y/n?" He replied, wanting to hear what you had to say. "I need to uh, tell you something." You said, your face heating up from embarrassment. "Oh? what is it?" You sighed, and tried to contain your blush. "I..I have a crush on you! I really like you a lot!" You exclaim,  startling the Prime as he swerved a little off the road. It was a small time of silence, you waiting to hear his reply- when finally, "I am relieved to hear that." You let out a sigh of relief, before giggling a little. "It seems that I, too have found affections for you, though I was under the impression it was one sided." The Prime explained, making you smile. "Naw, silly. I really like you too. Though, what would the others think?" You asked, unable to hide the large grin on your face. "I'm not sure, but we won't know until we tell them." "Does this mean we're dating now?" You swear if Optimus  was in his regular form he'd be smiling like crazy. "I think it does."   After that, the two of you started talking about random things for the rest of the patrol. ----Time Skip to three weeks later/bonus----

      After learning what the team had done to try to set you up,  you and Optimus were way more affectionate towards each other when the others weren't around. Both of you thought that it would've been awkward telling them, the two of you under the impression that they had nothing to do with the sudden tries and attempts to admit to each other.   Looking back, you'd laugh at how oblivious the two of you were, and the amount of time it took you to confess.     Currently, you were snuggled up to Optimus who was testing out the new holoforms that Ratchet created. Both of you were watching The Princess And The Frog on the T.V while talking to each other once in awhile before turning the attention back to the movie.   All in all, you loved your relationship with Optimus, even if it did get a little hectic at times. The others were pretty happy that you two got together, as you both seem to distract and take off stress that the war had been causing you both.

  Yawning, you rested your head on Optimus's shoulder, and quietly drifted off to sleep, as he rested his head on yours and also started falling asleep.

~End

---------------------------------------------

    This was written a few months ago, Most of what I post will be older writings from my other accounts on Quotev/Wattpad since I’ve become more active on here. Newer ones will of course be posted and added to the masterlist.

Like my writing and want a custom short story? Check out my Commission Info: Here

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[ironfidus]

Quid Pro Quo - Part II

Summary: Peter survives the Snap, and now it's up to him to bring the Vanished back to life.

Main Pairings: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Shuri

Read here on AO3 (@a_matter_of_loyalty)

:::

Chapter 2: The Queen Mother

Chapter Summary: Peter and Shuri go about inventing time travel. Later, Peter has a heart-to-heart with the Queen Mother and comes to a startling realization.

:::

Earth-199999: October 9, 2023

Kingdom of Wakanda, East Africa

By the time noon passed and the Queen Mother herself ventured into their lab to call them out for lunch, their success rate had crept up to 86.54%. 

Ramonda took one look at them spread throughout the lab, her daughter lying sprawled out on the floor and Peter hanging upside down on the chair, and sighed heavily. “What are you two up to now?” she asked with the voice of a woman who’d seen too much mischief in one lifetime.

“The usual,” Shuri said through a yawn. “Saving the world and all that.”

Ramonda arched an eyebrow. When Peter didn’t contradict Shuri, she gave in and said, “All right, fine. I’ll have your food delivered to you guys. Make sure to eat up—you’ll need the energy if you want to ‘save the world and all that.’”

“Got it,” Peter agreed distractedly. “We’ll do that.”

Ramonda rolled her eyes and left the way she came from. She’d seen the look in her daughter’s eyes—Shuri had stumbled across a new puzzle to be solved. And if she knew her daughter—which she did—then she had no doubt that Shuri wouldn’t be able to rest until she’d figured out this latest problem.

Especially if Peter was encouraging her.

:::

“I don’t understand where we’re going wrong,” Shuri muttered under her breath hours later, their finished lunches pushed to the side. Despite their earlier successes, they seemed to have stagnated, settling at an even 88% successful. 

It was close, but not close enough.

Peter groaned from where he was still draped over the chair, head hung in defeat.

“We’ve figured most of it out,” Shuri continued, “but we just can’t seem to make the last leap.”

Peter mumbled incoherently in agreement.

“Maybe we need to take a break,” Shuri suggested tentatively. “It pains me to say this, but it might benefit us to leave our work for a while and come back to it with fresh eyes.”

Peter sighed, reluctant, but ultimately he knew she was right. Being stubborn wouldn’t do anyone any good, especially considering the stakes on this.

“Yeah,” he agreed sullenly. “I’ll bring the plates up to the kitchen. Why don’t we meet back in the lab in an hour or two?”

“Thanks,” Shuri said absentmindedly, watching Peter scoop up their dirty dishes and walk away. She stayed where she laid for a moment or two longer, before she shook her head to snap herself out of her stupor.

With a tired sigh, she trudged out of the lab and headed outside to visit the farms.

:::

Peter was in the middle of rinsing the plates, mind still fixated on the puzzle that was time travel, when Ramonda’s voice startled him out of his thoughts: “Did my lazy daughter force you to do her dishes for her?” 

Peter bit back a curse, relatively certain that the only reason he hadn’t dropped and broken a plate was his stickiness. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” he joked, switching off the tap and carefully sliding the plates and cutlery into the dryer. Once the dishes were safely secured, he spun around and shot Ramonda a small smile.

Ramonda smiled back. “Is it working?” she teased.

“A little bit,” he laughed. A second later, his mood sobered. “Shuri and I both need a break from tinkering. She’s clearing her head for a while. I needed to do the same, so I figured I might as well do the dishes.”

“What are you two really working on?” Ramonda asked, growing worried. She’d never heard either Peter or Shuri admit to ‘needing a break’ before, not when it came to something they were working on together. She hadn’t thought it was possible. 

Peter bit his lip. “Something important,” he let on. He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to tell her; if they failed, if he failed, then Ramonda would be another person he’d disappointed. He didn’t want to let her down, too.

But Ramonda had become such an important person in his life over the last five years. She’d become someone he trusted, someone he needed. 

She’d become something of a mother figure to him since he’d started dating Shuri and she’d unhesitatingly taken him in. She was his go-to source of advice nowadays; he wanted to be able to confide in her about this, too.

(Ramonda always knew what to say.)

“Shuri wasn’t exaggerating when she said we were trying to save the world,” he said at last, his voice soft and uncertain, timid. “It’s been five years, but... I can’t move on, Umama. I can’t forget. So when Steve Rogers came knocking on my door yesterday, bearing a ghost from the past and the key to a possible solution, I – I said no at first, because it seemed unlikely and I wasn’t ready to break my own heart all over again. But after he left, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

Ramonda’s expression was kind, free of judgement and criticism. It gave him the courage to continue speaking.

“I kept wondering, what if I’d made a mistake, turning him away? What if it wasn’t as unlikely as I first assumed? I couldn’t make up my mind.”

“You seem to have made up your mind now,” she said quietly, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. After a second, she pulled out another chair and patted the seat cushion in a wordless invitation for Peter to come join her. She had a feeling this wouldn’t be an easy conversation. 

Peter swallowed and sat down, turning to face her anxiously. “I have,” he confirmed. “I just... I have to at least try. If there’s a chance—even a slim one—I knew I’d never be able to forgive myself if I didn’t try.”

“I don’t know what you’re attempting, but for what it’s worth, Peter, if there’s anyone who can make the impossible possible, it’s you,” she said, smiling openly.

Peter blinked rapidly. “A lot,” he said, his voice hoarse. “That’s – that’s worth a lot, especially coming from you.”

“Can I ask what solution Captain Rogers proposed?” 

Peter stared off into the distance, partly because he didn’t want to see her reaction to his next words, and partly because he couldn’t bear to. “Time travel,” he whispered. “He wants to – to use time travel to bring back everyone we lost to Thanos.”

He couldn’t see her face, but he heard the sharp gasp coming from her. “And – and you and Shuri have been working on it? Time travel?” A hesitant pause, and then—

“After what you two have managed to accomplish so far, do you... do you think it’s truly possible?” Ramonda asked, and she sounded – afraid. She sounded fragile, like Peter had the power to make or break her with a single word.

Sitting across her, one of the most powerful women in the world, and watching her struggle not to break down right in front of him, Peter realized—with terrifying clarity—that it didn’t matter what he thought. It didn’t matter because he would give it his all anyway; it didn’t matter because he had people who were counting on him to do everything he could.

“Yeah,” he said instead, because it was easier to lie and make her smile than to explain the complicated truth. “I think—I believe—Shuri and I really can finish what we started and invent time travel, as long as we don’t give up.” He paused. He didn’t want to shatter her hopes, but...

But she deserved to know the road that loomed ahead of them.

“The difficult part,” he started, “comes after.”

“What do you mean?”

“Messing with time is a dangerous thing to do,” Peter muttered. “We can’t be sure we’ll succeed even if the technical aspect of time travel works out. Or, worse yet, we can’t be sure that we won’t make things worse.”

“Peter,”—Ramonda’s voice was wrecked—“I see where you’re coming from, I do, but...”

(Don’t you dare blame yourself for this, kid.)

(I don’t... I don’t know what’s happening, Petey, I’m so confused. Everything is in chaos. I just had a patient crumble to ash on the operating table. The head surgeon, too, oh god. I just... if this is the end—I need to tell you I larb you, Pete. Never forget that. I love you so, so much. 

You’re – you’re my kid, and I—

Beep.)

(Ms. Potts, I... I’m sorry. I lost Mr. Stark. I lost him. He’s gone—

Peter would never forget the way Pepper Potts’s face crumpled with tears. She caved in on herself and broke down crying, Happy sweeping in and folding her into a crushing hug through his own misery.)

(Hi, Mrs. Leeds. I’m sorry to disturb you, but I just needed to ask—

He’s gone, Peter. Ned’s gone. I’m sorry.)

(Nobody told him MJ vanished. Her entire family had disappeared with her.)

“How can things be worse than this?” Ramonda whispered.

Peter slumped back in his seat, speechless. He’d been fretting for so long, racking his brain for all the ways they could ruin things more than even Thanos did—he’d worried that if things went awry, they could lose even the few things they’d gained since the war.

But in a way, Ramonda had a point. After everything he’d already lost, everything they’d lost, maybe Ramonda was right: they were already at rock bottom.

Peter swallowed. “You’re right,” he admitted. It was impossible to forget the lives they’d led before. “I – you’re completely right. I need to...” He shook his head, leaping up to his feet and crossing the room in a few swift strides. “I need to get back to the lab.”

“Peter!” Ramonda called out.

He stilled, looked back.

She was smiling at him, an expression forged from the beginnings of a tentative hope. “Good luck.”

He hesitated. 

“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this, kid.” 

He’d lost Mr. Stark. 

Ramonda had lost her son. She’d had to bury him, had to live without him for five horrible years, and yet still she was willing to put her faith in Peter and trust that he would fix their broken reality.

She was willing to take a chance. And at the end of the day, so was he.

He smiled back. “I’m sure I’ll need it,” he said. Thank you for believing in me, he didn’t say.

(“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how fucking awful the loss is.”)

:::

When Shuri finally re-entered the lab at the two-hour mark, the first thing she saw was Peter, staring up at the hologram with a dazed expression.

Shuri groaned. “Peter!” she admonished. “What happened to taking a break?”

He didn’t reply.

Shuri’s eye twitched. “I managed to drag myself out of the lab for two whole hours because I thought we’d agreed on giving our minds a rest,” she reminded him sharply. “And yet you’re still here. Do I need to remind you what a ‘break’ means?”

“No, I...” Peter faltered, trailing off into a stunned silence, and Shuri finally snapped out of her annoyance to notice that the look in his eyes was less confused, and more awed.

“Peter?” she raised an eyebrow, walking around the table to come to a stop behind him. She rested her hands on his shoulders and leaned back, peering up at the hologram. “What’s— oh, my god.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly, breathless in a good way.

“Is that...” Shuri stared. “99.8% successful?” she read aloud. “Holy shit, Peter, you did it. You did it.”

Peter hesitated. He still couldn’t be certain that things would go smoothly—there were over a million doubts running through his mind, but...

How can things be worse than this? 

“Yeah,” he whispered, again. “Yeah, I did.”

Shuri hugged him close, beaming into his hair, and for a moment—only a moment—Peter let himself forget all of his concerns and just breathe. 

For a moment, faced with Shuri’s hopeful smile, Peter let go. Because in this moment, with Shuri chattering excitedly into his ear, lively in a way she hadn’t been in five years, Peter knew he was doing the right thing.

He looked down at the framed picture of himself and Mr. Stark lying face-up on the worktable, mutual content grins on their faces and an upside-down certificate held between them, and smiled, too. 

(Don’t you dare blame yourself for this, kid—)

:::

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3