#she pushed me back a week (probably bc she had a book due) which is also fine!

[yourmcu]

Emotional Support Mode

Pairings: Tony Stark x daughter!reader

Summary:

in which the reader is the loner, antisocial daughter of Tony Stark and the other Avengers including her father never acknowledge her presence (they thought some sort of interaction made you uncomfortable) so she becomes friends with Friday instead - Tony probs finds out and it’s gonna be all cute n fluffie once he realizes -

Word count: 2,243

a/n: hi just wanted to write fluffy tony :)) also I used they/them for friday’s pronouns

Warnings: angst n fluff, friday’s a bit more advanced (not like they aren’t already but) bc they could almost act like a literal human here.

read it on ao3!

You arrive back at the Avengers facility, shoulders slumped and just tired in general since you have a lot of homework and projects to do from school, most of them due by the end of the week. You also have exams later in the week.

“Hey, Fri,” you huff as you make your way to the elevator.

“Welcome home, Y/N. Where do you want to go?”

Yes, you're very close with the A.I that they started calling you by your first name. “To my room - and uh, will you remind me to read two chapters in my history book after I’m done with all my homework? I also have this project, I just need some measurements later, if you don’t mind.”

“Sure thing.”

“Thank you.”

It’s going to be a long night, you sigh heavily just thinking about it. Now you’re probably wondering, ‘you live with the Avengers! Why don’t you ask Tony and Bruce for help? Maybe Steve and Bucky for your History test?’

Yeah, well... you barely talk to any real person you live with. Maybe it’s you, you always thought you're making the team uncomfortable. You don’t even talk to your own father often which is kind of depressing on your part.

You love them, they’re like your extended family, but it just isn’t working out. Maybe they just don’t like you. Up to this day you still wonder why Tony took you in when you were just a baby (you were a mistake from one of his one night stands) - he had the choice not to.

“I’m assuming you zoned out again. You have arrived to your room five minutes ago.” Friday announces.

“Y-yeah sorry,” you shuffle out of the elevator and swiftly head to your bedroom, closing the door behind you.

“I also asked if I should inform Mr. Stark that you have arrived home.”

“No, no thanks. He’s busy and... probably wouldn’t care anyway,” You mutter the last part as you pile the books you need on your desk. “Can you put my study playlist on, please?”

----

“What time is it, Friday?”

“7PM. I was about to remind you to take a break.”

You get up from your chair and stretch, halfway through the last of your homework which is a two page essay. “You’re too kind, thanks pal,” when you walk out your room to head to the kitchen and grab a snack, the lounge is empty, kitchen empty,

“The team’s on a mission? I thought they had the whole week off,” you say before gulping down a water bottle.

“I checked the security footage: they left about an hour ago. Captain Rogers was talking about getting dinner.”

You put the bottle down. “Oh,” you try to mask your disappointment. This isn’t your first time being alone, they always left you here when they had a mission of course but... well, it’s not like they want you around them. “I’ll - I’ll just make myself something later, then. Not a big deal. I have to study anyway.”

Another hour later, the Avengers are back. They're all conversing happily as they pile in the lounge. Peter's rambling about upgrades for the Spiderman suit while Tony's typing away in his phone, nodding at everything he says. Everyone else is arguing about the TV channels and talking about the new restaurant they ate at.

Rhodey shifts, looking around. “Why do I feel like we forgot something?”

Natasha looks at him, waiting for him to go on.

“I assure you, I brought Mjolnir with me this time.” Thor butts in.

“No not that, what time does Y/N get home from school?” No one answers. It’s not like any of them know. It's natural that Rhodey would be worried about his goddaughter (even if they rarely talk). He turns his head to his best friend who’s now walking away with Peter, an arm around his shoulder. “Tony, where’s Y/N?”

He doesn’t hear since he has his full attention on his protégé.

“I’ll start making this tomorrow, I guess. I still have to buy materials.” You mumble to yourself, but you hope Friday's listening to everything you say just to make you feel less lonely. You swipe the hologram of the blueprint away and place the thick books in front of you.

“I would like to recommend a suitable study plan.” they state.

You rub your eyes, sighing, “I’m already halfway, I would’ve considered it earlier though.”

“This is only a recommendation, feel free to ignore it.”

You push yourself away from the desk and mutter a “go on,”, fiddling with your pen.

“Asking Mr. Rogers and Mr. Barnes would give you more details for your History examination, since the pair were originally from that time period. The same goes for Mr. Banner for your Science examination, I believe he has seven Ph.D’s, you may also approach Vision for the same topic. Mr. Stark has all the necessary materials for your project in his lab. Would you like me to-”

If only it were that easy. It should be easy, the thought alone makes you really nervous. “No, I - I appreciate the recommendation, Friday, but - I think I can do this on my own.”

“But you’re tired and it is almost midnight. I would help you myself but you specifically told me not to.”

They’re not wrong. Your eyes are starting to droop and you barely understand anything you're reading. You're also fighting back tears - why is talking to your family so hard?

“I can sense sadness. Would you like me to activate emotional support mode?”

“Yeah, okay. That sounds great right about now.”

----

“Crap. Guess we lost track of time again, kid,” Tony wipes his hands with a rag while he looks at the time on his computer. “You better get home. I’ll send May a text for keeping you this late.”

“Okay, thank you Mr. Stark. I’m just gonna use my suit-”

“No. Happy will drive you.”

Peter knew better than to argue and insist so he just nods and smiles sheepishly. A minute later Happy came ‘round to take him home.

Tony turns back around. “Friday, make a new project for me please, I’m adding minor upgrades to the Spiderman suit.”

“Not now, boss.”

Oh. He did not expect that. “Excuse me?”

“Y/N is currently opening up. I would like to give her my full, undivided attention. Please come back after fifteen minutes or so.”

Tony doesn’t exactly know how to feel about that. He never sees her outside her room anymore that he kinda forgot she existed tonight - oh fuck, they didn’t bring her to dinner with them.

“Well,” he exhales. “What is she saying?”

“That would be an invasion of privacy.”

“I’m her father-”

“Are you, sir?” Friday’s clever remark makes him stop abruptly.

It’s pretty clear that he’s been a shit father. Not only does he ignore you all the time but he treats Peter way better than his own flesh and blood. The Avengers on the other hand, they were nice people, but just didn’t understand so they try their best to get out of your way.

You were afraid of rejection, afraid to interact, because you had no idea what everyone thought of you. Did they like you? Did you make them uncomfortable? Did they want you around? What about Tony, did he really want a daughter in his life? Because you noticed he’d be better off with a son, yeah, like Peter goddamn Parker.

Tony sighs, walking out of his lab and heads to the mini bar to grab a drink. He needs to think: there's absolutely nothing wrong about you, he just didn’t do his job right, you thought he didn’t care, you thought nobody did. Even Friday is turning against him, doing a better job of comforting and being there for you.

“God, I’m such an asshole,” he mutters to himself, rubbing his forehead. He drinks his last shot and heads to the kitchen. “She still awake?” He calls out.

“She is.” Friday has a bitter tone.

He's hesitant to ask again, feeling really bad for not knowing this simple question - “what’s her favorite beverage?”

----

“How do you feel?”

You sniffle. “Well y’know, better than before. I should probably go to sleep. Thanks, Fri.”

“You’re welcome. Also, Mr. Stark is outside your door.”

“W-what?” You put away your books and straighten up, rubbing your damp eyes. “You’re serious? Okay, uh, let him in?” It's more of a question.

“Alright.”

You turn to face your desk as Tony enters the room, holding two steaming mugs. He sits at the end of your bed, just right next to the chair you're sitting on. “Hi,” he gives you a small smile and hands you a mug.

What’s the occasion?

“What’s this?” You ask quietly before taking the mug from his hands. Tony's being gentle and soft, it's odd but you’re not complaining.

“Green tea with honey. I... I thought I saw you make that stuff once.” He says, not mentioning the fact that Friday told him that.

“Oh, well, yeah,” you take a small sip. He added a bit too much honey but other than that it was good. “I thought you preferred coffee, though,”

Tony shrugs, his eyes glistening when he looks at you. “Wouldn’t hurt to try something new.”

“Did - did you want something, Dad?” You always found yourself awkward, couldn’t even make conversation with someone for long, always wanted to get straight to the point so it could be over with.

He looks like he wants to say something but he just averts his gaze to you, his hands, the floor, then suddenly he leans in and hugs you. Your feel your heart swell and body warm up, it’s a new sensation for you after all, you rarely get hugs from people. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “For everything. I’m such a bad dad, I don’t deserve you. I even forgot you when we went out to dinner.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. I had loads of stuff to do earlier anyway, so, but yeah I was just - I just overreact, I’m sensitive. I don’t blame you and the others for not liking me, I know there’s nothing like-able about me, I’m not like Peter-” You ramble, tears now leaving your eyes again.

“Sweetheart, don’t say that,” Tony says as he pulls you closer to him, head resting against his chest while he rubs your back comfortably. “Y/N Stark, you are smart, brilliant - I was just an ass for not acknowledging that.”

“I know you’re just saying that to-”

“Oh, but I’m not,” he now places his hands on your shoulders, getting you to look at him. “Tell me who built their first engine when they were eight?”

You blush, “Dad-”

“No, come on, I wanna hear it.”

“I did.”

“Yes you did. And who made a completely functioning robot at their middle school science fair that blew all the teacher’s minds?”

You’re trying to hide a smile, recalling the memory,  “I did.”

“And who,” Tony gets up and walks to the bulky looking thing that you covered with a sheet, pulling it off, “is currently building a computer from scratch?”

“Dad! That’s still a work in progress,” he messily places the sheet back and chuckles.

“My point is, you’re a clever and talented girl, Y/N. Don’t bring yourself down. And you don’t have to be shy around your family, those idiots have been dying to get to know you but since you don’t talk much... they don’t want to force it. We love you,” he says. “I hope you forgive me ‘cause I really wanna make it up to you. I’m not calling Peter in for a few weeks.” Tony sits down beside you again.

You couldn’t believe he’d do that for you. “You don’t have to, if you need him for something then-”

“-then you could help me instead, if you’re up for it.”

“I’m really sorry for being such a lonely freak,” you yawn, getting back into Tony’s open arms. “I love you.”

Tony tucks you in and lies down beside you, “I love you tons, kiddo.”

You snuggle into his chest, feeling his steady breathing while he rests his chin above your head.

----

It's morning. The Avengers are gathered at your open bedroom door.

“Are you getting all of this, Friday?”

“Yes, Ms. Romanoff.”

“Steve turn that shuttering sound down!” Natasha hisses at the super soldier who's doing his task, taking pictures.

Steve almost drops the phone and has Bruce fix the volume for him.

They’re all watching you and Tony cuddle together, still fast asleep.

“Do we have to stay here until they wake up?”

“Unless you have a great way of waking them up, yes. Now shut up.”

“If you think about it we definitely look creepy right now.” Sam comments.

“It’s their fault for having the door wide open all night!” Clint says.

Tony's actually awake the whole time, listening to them bickering. “You have three seconds to get the hell out of here before I make all of you polish my suits.” With that, the team races down the hall, pushing each other to get away first like literal children.

[cryonme]

Love part one.

➵ Draco Malfoy x gn!reader

➵ summary: you’re in a toxic relationship, and Draco begins to catch on to your off behavior.

➵ word count- 1.5k+

➵ tw/content- 6th yr with no voldy, draco x slytherin!reader, abuse, toxic relationship, arguing, mild description of a panic attack, small mentions of not eating or sleeping, fainting, angst angst angsttttt, fluff if u squint, really bad writing :(

➵ y/n- your name

➵ y/l/n- your last name

➵ a/n- omg fun my first draco fic!! pls b kind !! I haven't written in over a year and I'm terribly rusty, I also haven't read the books or seen the movies in a while, so if I made a mistake pls KINDLY point it out to me. I need to brush up on my knowledge, unfortunately. also ya draco probably should have taken the reader to madam pomfrey but he didn’t bc sake of the storyline and all that. anyway, I really hope you all enjoy this. xx miz

-

It was no secret that Draco Malfoy was absolutely, head over heels in love with you.

Well, no secret to everyone but you.

The poor blond boy was teased relentlessly for being so soft with you, he couldn’t even glance in your direction in potions without earning a few snickers or playful elbow bumps from his classmates. It all started in your second year, when you had the guts to stand up to Draco for bullying you, which no one had ever really done before. He liked it, and decided to befriend you. You were extremely reluctant at first, but now you’re in your 6th year, and you and Malfoy were inseparable, and he was in love.

And you were completely oblivious. So oblivious in fact, that you began to date a 7th year Ravenclaw called Jack. He was tall, with dark hair and dark eyes, and had almost as many girls falling at his feet as Draco did. Except Jack had you, and that’s all the Slytherin Prince cared about.

The first few months of your relationship were perfect, and you were happier than anyone had ever seen you. You were showered with love and gifts and the largest of romantic gestures. But almost overnight that all changed, and Draco noticed.

-

“Merlin, (y/l/n), you look like you haven’t slept in weeks!” Pansy exclaimed across the table from you at breakfast, earning a harsh glare from Draco and an eye roll from you.

Pansy held her arms up in surrender from Draco’s harsh gaze, “I’m just saying! Would it kill her to get some rest for even a moment? She looks like a ghost!”

You dropped your fork on your nearly empty plate, not that you were going to eat much of the small amount of food that was on it anyway.

“I don’t know, Pansy. Maybe it would, I’ll try it out.” You spat and gathered your belongings, pushing yourself up from the table and stomping out of the dining hall. You didn’t know where you were going, but you had to get the hell away from the pity glances and remarks from the Slytherin table.

You began to walk faster when you heard Draco calling after you. You would recognize that boy’s voice anywhere. You loved the tall blond more than anyone else, but you knew he didn’t love you back, you believed everyone telling you otherwise was delusional. You were his best mate, you knew him better than anyone and vice versa. He would never come close to loving you in the way you loved him, which is why you said yes to a date with Jack, you thought he could make you forget all about the beautiful boy with grey eyes that you’d loved since year 2. And he did, at first. But lately your relationship with Jack just made you yearn for Draco even more. You wanted him to take you away from it, wrap you in his arms and keep you safe there, forever. But he wouldn’t, and you had learned to live with it because you're terrified of what your boyfriend would do if you mustered up the courage to leave him.

As you began to pick up the pace down the corridor to escape from Draco, you realized your mistake. You hadn’t eaten or slept properly in days, due to the current state of your relationship, and as you walked faster your head began to spin and short ragged breaths escaped your lips, and before you knew it your body was colliding with the cool, stone floors.

-

Most people describe waking up after fainting as confusion. Usually they don’t know where they are or how they got there.

When you woke up you immediately recognized the smell of Draco’s room, and you knew exactly why you were there.

You groaned and sat up, immediately clutching your hand to your head to try and soothe the aggressive pounding. Your groan earned the attention of Draco, who was reading a book in Zabini’s bed, since he had put you in his. He sighed and snapped his book shut, standing up to make his way across the room to you.

He grabbed the plate of food he had previously taken from the dining hall that he had put a heating spell over to keep it warm for you. He sat beside you on the bed with the plate in his lap and looked at you with pleading eyes. You nodded and allowed him to spoon feed you, you even suppressed a giggle at the image of Draco feeding you like a baby. Every bite was harder than the last, but you ate a good amount of food off of the plate, solely because of the desperate look in his eyes. Once you were done reality struck, and you realized your boyfriend was probably looking for you.

“Lay back down for me, please, love.” Draco said softly, resting his hands on your shoulders and gently pushing you back, but you refused.

“Jack is probably fuming, how long have I been out?” You asked frantically, pushing Draco’s hands off of your shoulders and standing up to gather your things. It wasn’t until then you noticed you were in Draco’s jumper and silk pajama bottoms. Your heart immediately started to race as you stared at the dark green material adorning your waist.

The bruises.

You felt tears prick at your eyes when you looked at Draco, who’s knowing grey eyes stared back at you.

“I didn’t dress you, Daphne did.”

Ok you thought, calming down the slightest bit. I’ll talk to her, she won’t say anything if I tell her I have it handled.

You nodded.

“But she told me.”

Your heart completely stopped this time, you could feel every inch of your body freeze, you don’t know why but your face felt tight and hot, and when you went to speak absolutely nothing came out of your mouth.

Draco’s lip was trembling and his eyes were looking at you with a mixture of anger and sadness, he clenched his jaw and looked away, towards the door.

“I’m gonna kill him.” He said calmly before kicking a book across the floor, which landed against the wall with a heavy thud. “I’m gonna kill the bloody bastard!” He raised his voice this time, his face was red and and his mouth was turned down in a scowl, you were surprised there wasn’t steam coming out of his ears.

Seeing Draco’s angry reaction struck a chord in you, immediately thinking he was going to take his anger out on you like Jack always did. When the book hit the wall you gasped sharply and walked backwards until you were in the corner of his room, chest heaving and tears racing down your cheeks that you tried to wipe away as fast as possible so he wouldn’t be cross with you for crying.

“I’m sorry.” You whimpered, hanging your head to avoid eye contact.

Draco’s head snapped in your direction when he heard your broken voice and his demeanor changed immediately. You were cowered in the corner, looking down at your feet with your arms wrapped around yourself, shoulders shaking slightly, repeating apologies as if you were a broken record. It didn’t take long for Draco to connect the pieces, he had reminded you of Jack. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was the cause of your hurt. The bruises, plus the not sleeping and eating, the jumpiness, the staring off into space, you weren’t hiding it well.

And he had scared you. 

“Oh no, (y/n).” He walked to you slowly, “Oh, love, I’m so sorry.”

You were the only person he ever called that.

He didn’t touch you at first, just whispered apologies, scared to raise his voice and scare you any further. He took another step closer to you, and when you didn’t react he took another, and finally he had his hands on either side of your head, pressing a firm but gentle kiss to your hair.

“Is this alright?” He whispered and you fell into him, he immediately wrapped his arms around you and began to whisper soothing words in your ear.

“I’m so sorry.”

“You’re safe.”

“I’m right here, love.”

“I’m not gonna hurt you.”

He stood there holding you for what felt like hours before you pulled away and apologized again, pushing past him to grab your things once more.

“(Y/n), you should really lay back down.”

“I have to go see Jack.”

Draco was completely taken back, his eyes wide and mouth agape. “You mean you’re not leaving him?”

You shook your head no and Draco scoffed.

“Are you mad?” He asked, trying his best to keep his anger under control so he wouldn’t scare you again.

“No.” You said shakily, turning on your heel and stomping to Draco’s bathroom, slamming the door. Luckily none of his roommates were there or they would’ve had quite the show.

“He’s only going to hurt you worse!” Draco pleaded from the other side of the door, he took a few alarming steps back when you swung it open, dressed back in your own clothes with knit eyebrows and a scowl.

“This is better than what he’d do if I left.”

[come-on-shitty-boys]

//fatherhood headcannons//

Characters: Kuroo Tetsurou / Bokuto Koutarou / Daishou Suguru

Warnings: none 

Word Count: 1.7K (~550 a piece)

Notes: don’t come for me and my self-indulgence. Also >:C if you’re of age and living in the United States, go fucking vote.  i am not asking. 

Kuroo Tetsurou

He goes into this whole fatherhood thing with complete and utter confidence.  Kuroo Tetsurou is convinced that he doesn’t need to have a single parenting book.  How hard can it be?

It’s all just making sure his kid doesn’t die, right? R I G H T?

He tries really hard to understand all of your discomforts during the pregnancy, but wowowow he’s bad at it.  You were complaining that your feet were sore and he just looked at you weird.  You had just gotten out of bed?  How did your feet already hurt?  Your back hurts? How? You’re laying down?

He recognizes that you’re in discomfort and he, of course, doesn’t look past that.  He’s going to do whatever he needs to do to ensure your comfort, but he just struggles to comprehend it.

I promise that Kuroo was so calm and cool and collected throughout the entire pregnancy and honestly, even during delivery, he was there to tell you how great you were doing, holding your hand, letting you crush his fingers in your tight grip.  He would pat your head and occasionally give you little kisses on your temple.

But when the nurse asks if he wants to hold his new little girl and places her in his arms, oh he’s crying.  He doesn’t even realize that he’s crying until he feels the tears stream down his cheeks.

It was in the following weeks that he realized just how hard this whole parenting thing would be.  Sleep?  Kuroo didn’t know her.  The baby religiously started crying every night at 2:27 a.m. and it would take nearly an hour to get her to fall back asleep.  By the time that hour passed, he was already back to being wide awake and would just lay in bed, unable to fall back asleep for hours.  

The first time he ever had to change a diaper, he had to pull up a YouTube video to figure it out, but he’s not about to tell you that.  

He has no idea how to dad, but Kuroo ends up being a really incredible father.  While he may be lacking in the basic skills like knowing the correct formula temperature or how to properly hold his daughter, he makes up for it with his constant companionship.  

You’ve walked in on him in the nursery so many times.  He’s really not even doing anything.  He’s just leaning against the crib, running his fingers across his little girl’s skin, still not believing that this is real and that that little baby is his, something that he helped create.  Oh, it just makes him so soft to think about.   He talks real quietly to her, telling her about his day, like she has any idea what he’s saying, but he still smiles so wide when she looks at him.

His little girl is his entire world and I just know that he’s an incredibly protective father.  He knows that the world is a scary place and he wants his daughter to be able to grow up having the best life possible, even if it is difficult.

Bokuto Koutarou

It was an accident.  It was 100% an accident.  But, the absolute joy that lit up his features when you told him your happy news, well, you don’t think you had ever seen him smile so wide.  He had picked you up to spin you around and covered your face in kisses.  Bokuto had set you down and immediately squatted down to place a kiss on your non-existent baby bump, telling his little baby how excited he was to be their papa.

Bokuto does prepare, well, at least a little. He owns one book, but he has read it cover to cover.  When he was reading through it, he would stop at something that he found particularly interesting and show it to you.

He didn’t really know how best to take care of you, but he tried his best!  He would rub your shoulders or feet when you asked.  He would make dinner after practice.  He is absolutely running to the store in the middle of the night because you had a sudden craving for Cheetos and vanilla ice cream.  Bokuto thought it was best not to ask what the hell you were doing when you proceeded to dip the Cheetos in the ice cream.

Bokuto forces you on walks.  He read in that one pregnancy book that walks can help induce labor, so in the time leading up to the due date, Bokuto was taking you on strolls around the block multiple times a day.  

But, he gets really busy with MSBY ;-; like. . . a lot.  He wants to be there every step of the way, but he just can’t.  Even after the baby was born, it seemed like there was rarely a day off for him to just spend with you and the baby.

Nothing hurt more than seeing the video of his little boy taking his first steps, knowing that he wasn’t even there to see it for himself because he was stuck on a bus in another city for a game.

This boy B R A G S about his kid all the time.  Sakusa might just beat his ass if he has to hear Bokuto coo about his son one more time.  

Games that happen at home are Bokuto’s favorites because he knows that whenever he looks up into the stands, you’ll be there, the baby in your arms, a tiny black knit hat with gold detailing pulled over his head.  It always made his heart so warm and he seemed to always be on top of his game just so he could secure a win quicker.  He just wanted to rush to you and cradle his little one in his arms.

He likes to toss his little bean up into the air, but he has absolutely bonked his son’s head on the ceiling and then proceeded to fail to catch him because he was so in shock that he just hit his son’s head on the ceiling.  Insert one (1) bokuto koutarou suddenly regretting every life decision that he has ever made.  

Surprisingly, he’s a really good parent?  He understands the balance between being caring and supportive, but also having a firm hand on discipline.  He isn’t much for punishments, because he’s going to feel bad, but he won’t hesitate to sit his son down and have a talk if he needs to.  

God Bokuto is such a good dad please i’m so soft i just know that he would sob his eyes out the minute the baby is on its way

Daishou Suguru

please i don’t even want children, but i would make an exception for daishou suguru

Suguru is so?? stupidly?? prepared?? 

Like the two of you decided that you wanted to have a baby and this man went to the bookstore and asked one of the workers which pregnancy books were the best.  The poor high school student had no idea

He took notes and was just constantly studying up on things.  You’d think he was back in university again with how much he poured himself over these books.  

While Daishou may have all of the technical stuff down like knowing the exact female reproductive anatomy and how it all works to produce the baby and he can definitely change a diaper with his eyes closed by now, but-

When the time came to put together a nursery- oh the boy was lost.  He had no idea what to do.  He’d never built a crib before.  He wasn’t really sure why he was expecting it to just unfold or magically form together when he took it out of the box, but now he was just sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by bits and pieces of a baby crib, pouring over the instructions, only to get more confused.

Please go sit with him in his time of need.  He’ll rest his head on your shoulder and rub tiny circles over your bump.  

Suguru probably jumped a foot in the air when he felt that itty bitty kick against his hand.  It took him by complete surprise and his eyes were as wide as saucers, but this really slow smile took over his face and you don’t think you had ever seen him so happy, a complete smiling and laughing mess.

He takes the best care of you b y e 

Morning sickness?  He’s right there to pull your hair away from your face and get you a glass of water.  

Too bad he spent all this time looking up information on the actual pregnancy and had no idea what to expect for actual childbirth.  Overnight bag?  He said, “How long does this take?”  He had no idea what to do during delivery.  His dumbass just stood there until you demanded that he give you his hand and definitely screamed when you nearly crushed his bones in an absolute death grip, nails digging painfully into the back of his hand, but who was he to object.  He wasn’t the one pushing a child out of his body.

Oh, did I say child?  Try children.  Suguru nearly fainted when the nurse said that there was “one more.”  He didn’t remember seeing a second little peanut on the ultrasound, but maybe he just forgot in the overwhelming panic of the moment?

He was so good all throughout the pregnancy, but the minute the kids are born?  It’s like he completely forgot everything that he read over the past nine months, but the softness in his eyes and the gentle smile on his lips the very first time he got to hold his kid?  It made it all worth it.  He didn’t know that it was possible to love someone so quickly, but he looked at the faces of his newborn children and he couldn’t have been happier.

Daishou has fallen asleep in the nursery chair more than once when he was up with the babies.  You’d get up to see what was taking so long, only to find him leaned back, his head lolled to the side, two tiny bundles held securely to his chest.

In conclusion.  I love daishou suguru and he would be a really good dad once he figured it all out

{Taglist: @moncymonce​ @nicka-nell​ @celosiiaa​ @kuronekomama​ @lovinnoya​ and @nekxrizawa​ @boosyboo9206​ bc you both got me thinking about them as d a d s and now i can’t get it out of my head onyx please take this as a bribe to receive the daishou suguru hip dermal edit you made i need it}

[realcube]

Haikyuu girls // The Strap - NSFW headcanons

pairings: kiyoko x reader, yachi x reader, saeko x reader

summary: you and your s/o decide to add a bit of spice to your sex so y’all use a strap - the following headcanons are how I think they’ll use it/react..

tw// aged-up au!, (she/her) reader, vagina-having reader, sexual intercourse, strap-ons, WLW sex, fingering, oral (receiving and giving), swearing, exhibition 

Kiyoko Shimizu

honestly, you’re both very diplomatic when it comes to deciding who gives and who receives

whenever y’all do it, the mood kinda just decides for itself

however, since both y’all were just blankly staring at the bright pink object that sat in the middle of the bed, Kiyoko figured that she’d take one for the team

also, since it was her who suggested and bought the item, she thought it would only be fair if she gave it try first

so, she guided you through the steps of putting it on while strapping it onto herself

then, once she was done, she bent you over and got to it 

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

Your eyes rolled back into your head from the unholy mix of ecstasy and pain Kiyoko made you feel. Never before have you felt so full. The way she mastered the smooth plastic toy so it occasionally brushed against your g-spot left you salivating and begging for more - just how she intended. “Kiyoko~” You whined, pushing your face out of the blankets so she could hear your desperate pleas, “M- Muh, More! Please..” 

A light pant left Kiyoko’s lip as she retracted one of her hand from your waist to reach down at trace sloppy circles around her clit, but she was a lot more sensitive than she thought she would be so after that small bit of stimulation, she involuntarily tossed her head back and let out a low moan.

That was part of the reason she wanted to refrain from touching herself while pounding into you but the sight of your dripping pussy being stretched out by her strap along with the high-pitch mewls you let out was more than enough to leave her with a throbbing cunt and weak knees. 

Without a word, she altered her movements so that she was now thrusting into you at a rapid pace, every movement of her hip directed at the spot you pleaded to be stimulated and upon your request, Kiyoko delivered. However, not without a cost. At this point, your g-spot was getting used and abused so quickly, your body was barely able to keep up.

Lewd wails escaped your throat, your mind clouded with pleasure and euphoria yet you were still conscious enough to notice that the slight vibrating of your thighs could only mean one thing. 

Despite the fact you were struggling to breath through all the erotic sensations throughout your body, let alone think - as soon as you felt your orgasm arise, the natural instinct to ask for permission managed to muster up enough energy to allow you to croak out, “May I?”

Kiyoko couldn’t help but giggle, gently caressing you waist with one hand and abandoning her needy clit to attend to your puckered hole. “You’ve been a good girl.” She mused, a low groan falling from her lips as he speed decreased slightly just to tease you. “Go on.”

Her deacceleration barely effected you as by the time those words had reached your ears, you were already halfway through your climax. Bliss shot through your body, sending shivers down your arched spine and to your legs, which was promptly followed by a pornographic moan. “Sh..Shimzu!~”

Upon hearing you finish, Kiyoko slowly pulled out the strap to provide you with some relief before taking it off, throwing it aside and attacking her pussy with her fingers - clearly, she had been left unsatisfied after being aroused by your messy, horny state. 

You looked over at her and were simply unable to stifle a giggle. However, you weren’t the one laughing when you tried to stand up to walk over there and help her but then you realised you couldn’t feel your legs. “C’mere.” You commanded, seeming slightly less dominant since you were still panting from when she was railing you just a few seconds ago, “I’ll finish you off.”

Hitoka Yachi 

she rarely ever gives and this was no exception

(well, by that I mean she is a bottom but when it comes to giving gifts and stuff she is extra af but that is a whole other headcanon)

in fact, she was actually the one who bought the strap 

however, it was now you who inserting it into her 

but you both like it that way!

bc she usually hates being on top since she’s always scared that she’ll hurt you or leave you unsatisfied 

anyway, you both mutually agreed that you were the top - despite the fact that y’all only do it once every millennium-

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

You finished deciphering the instruction and managed to put the god-forsaken thing on - and the fact that you had little to no hand-to-eye coordination probably didn’t help. ( Throwback to that one time you momentarily pulled out and then when you tried to plug your fingers back in, you accidentally ended up aggressively poking Yachi’s labia.)

“Okay,” You looked up, biting your lip upon seeing Yachi in nothing but lingerie with the dim candle’s lit in the background, making her look heavenly. The character develop - you sighed, recalling the first time y’all had intercourse and she insisted the lights had to be complete off and her oversized shirt and thigh-high socks stayed on. Not that you had a problem with that - in fact, you found it quite charming - but it was just amazing to see how much more confidence she’s gained.

You shook your head in attempt to shake away all the off-topic thoughts, “Are you sure you want me to do this?” You inquired, eyes soft and exchanging a loving gaze with her. “I don’t want you to feel pressured into doing this.” Although, it was Yachi’s idea to invest in a strap-on but you’d rather be safe than sorry as she might’ve changed her mind since then. 

Yachi nodded, her signature sweet yet awkward smile gracing her lip while she fidgeted with the lace on the edges of the red panties she wore. “Oh, yes. I’m sure! I-I’ll be sure to tell you if it’s too much though.” She stuttered, losing her train of thought at the sight of you wearing the article. A deep blush rushed to her cheeks and she tried to stifle a snicker, “Safe-word: ‘waffles’, right?”

Waffles; a parallel to the name of your dog - Pancakes - which Yachi thought was so cute and fun but you - for obvious reasons - felt uncomfortable with her, in any case, screaming your dogs name in bed. So, you changed the word to Waffles. 

You hummed in agreement, sending her one last kind smile before a mischievous grin made it’s way onto your face. “Bend over.” You demanded, glancing down to look at the massive piece of shmeat erect on your vagina; you’d by lying if you said it didn’t make you at least the slightest bit uneasy - but you had to push through, for Yachi! 

Saeko Tanaka

at this point, you were used to Saeko whipping out the weirdest shit and using it during intercourse

if anything, a strap-on was pretty vanilla and conventional compared to the other things Saeko has used with you

which include (but not limited to): a wooden spoon, a candle, a TV remote, an Xbox controller, a whisk, ice-cubes in the shape of people, a needle,  lego brick(s), a sandal, a guitar, a broom, a lava-lamp, a ketchup bottle, a hairbrush, a straightener, multiple bottles of shampoo (since she only uses the tiny bottles that she steals from hotels), her gear stick, a D20 and a pack of instant noodles. 

so obviously you were pleasantly surprised when Saeko actually went out and bought a real sex toy instead of just using one of her make-shift ones. 

“Only the best for you, princess!” 

oh, and this goes without saying, she’s a top

it’s not that you’re a bottom though because you are from it as you’ve attempted to top her on multiple occasions 

but it just never goes your way so no matter how dominant and/or persistent you are, you always end up receiving 

not that you have a problem with it but- when I say she goes hard, she goes hard

literally she’ll stop whatever she is going if you seem even remotely horny and as soon as you give her consent to go further, it’s game over for you, honey

also, she is very much an exhibitionist so she really doesn’t care if she’s being to loud while her brother/his friends are over

in short, when you saw that bright pink toy lying on her bed sheet especially for you - it didn’t take long for you to realise that you should probably pre-book a few days off from work because you won’t be able to walk for the next week- 

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

“Shut up, babe.” Saeko hissed at you, a evil smirk tugging at the corner of her lips, “They’re studying downstairs.”- not that she cared, she just enjoyed seeing you frustrated. So she couldn’t help but laugh at how much of  a mess you were, sweat matting your hair to your forehead, your ass cheeks red from Saeko’s unmerciful palm, your leg twitching as you approached your orgasm and your mouth full of lewd moans being forced shut as Saeko insisted that you quiet down.

Saeko leaned in to whisper suggestive threats into your ear, “If I hear another sound leave that pretty little mouth of your’s, you’ll be punished later.” The tingle of her hot breath against your skin and the implications of what she said just aroused you even more, forcing you to repress your whines..for now.

Honestly, you seriously didn’t know if you could do it as surely, Saeko wasn’t aware of how differently it hit when she used a proper toy - or perhaps she just felt that cruel today. The optimum amount of pleasure you thought she was capable of bringing you was somehow doubled due to the mix of factors: her using a real toy designed to endue pleasure, the impressive balance of attention between your clit and ass, her erotic threats and the fact she was seriously going feral back there.

You were already close but her harsh groping of your ass, licking her fingers to provide the slightest bit of lubricant before sticking 3 digits straight into your strained, dripping cunt while her other hand tightened it’s grip on the back of your neck - all that was enough to tip you over the edge.

You thought you’d be able to ask for permission or at least give a warning before you came but your throbbing clit along with Saeko’s tip violently slamming against your g-spot left you unable to do so, while you attempt sounded a bit like, “I’m gonna- I-” followed by an involuntary, loud moan.

“Don’t you dare-” Saeko snapped teasingly, but obviously unprepared for how loud your moan would actually be - so rather than covering your mouth with her hand, for her own entertainment she slammed into your g-spot once more, this time with more force - leading to you choking on your own noise.

Saeko was used to leaving you out of breath and tired, so while your lay there with your ass up, trying to catch your breath; she took this opportunity to take off the strap (but left it dangling out your pussy since she wasn’t sure if you wanted her to take it out or not) and went to get some aloe-vera for your bright red ass and dark purple bruises on your neck.

“Geez, your pretty lil’ pussy could barely handle that. Maybe we should stick to the ketchup bottles.” She joked, squirting the aloe-vera onto her hands and gently gliding her hands across your lower back.

[tfw-no-tennis]

ani....morphs.....

ok so picking up after the david trilogy, which hit hard as FUCK, we have book 23, which basically was a semi truck that ran over my corpse, jesus christ, they really followed up the david trilogy w/all that....

23 was so so good and also painful. its the culmination of a lot of tobias’s characterization in the series thus far and also we finally get the reveal we’ve been waiting for about elfangor....ooooh man 

and there was a lot of painful stuff in this book but the worst imo was tobias wondering if it were possible that somebody wanted him and would take care of him, only to have it all come crashing down in the worst way when it turned out aria was visser three in morph, ouch. 

that was so brutal augh. and when he figured it out and just crash landed and kept thinking about how he wanted to die and how he was stupid to think he could have a home...bro get these kids some THERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

so yeah that book was absolutely brutal but also so good...and it further fleshed out the animorphs working as a near-flawless team, w/the whole setup of tobias meeting w/the lawyer being so airtight and well-planned 

also more free hork bajir!! its cool that there's stuff happening w/them offscreen, I like that 

I literally had to take a break from reading the books bc the david triology + 23 was like so much, and also bc the olympics were on and all my time got dedicated to watching those, but then I opened 24, not sure what to expect, and BAM it was the helmacrons lmaoooo

I don't even remember the helmacrons but ig a lot of people hate them? lmao so that whole reputation preceded the book and I was like oh wow time for a change in tone

which wasn't wrong but also I liked that book?? I was never bored, even tho the whole thing was patently ridiculous and also had very little bearing on the overarching story

but I think it would be a standout if it were a TV episode w/a good budget - the visuals were amazing even in text, and I can imagine all the cool shrinking/growing/cellular stuff would be WICKED cool visually (ideally 2d animation but an ant man-esque live action adaptation wouldn't be terrible if they had the budget for it)

whatever let me dream. so yeah I didn't hate the helmacron book even tho the helmacrons themselves were...sure something. lmao I think they come back? that should be interesting

next book is the arctic one, we have yet another alien of the week style adventure - I liked this one too, it felt like more plot-y stuff happened since they destroyed the base, and marco’s POV is always fun 

I do find it funny/interesting how sometimes when the animorphs do something - like in this book, destroying that base in the arctic - it doesn't really seem to impact the yeerks much/it doesn't get brought up much after that. and then other things like them destroying the ground-based kandrona get mentioned a lot (that example is understandable tho bc that WAS a big deal). its just hilarious to me how blowing up entire building complexes has become so routine that it isn’t even worth mentioning at this point

Also I adore when they meet other random people/kids and are chill w/them, like w/that kid they met in the rain forest earlier on w/the time travel 

the descriptions of the brutally cold weather were great. I hate the cold so I was like oof this is a nightmare lmao

also ig that was the first ghostwritten book and I did kinda notice it was slightly different than usual? maybe? I could be imagining it tho 

okay but book 26 tho...BOOK 26. bruh 

that was SO good and I really didn’t know what to expect - but when we finally revisited Jake’s dream w/crayak I knew it was gonna be good (but I didn’t expect it to be a chess game war epic..!)

basically I loved it. SUCH a good Jake book - I really appreciate his character now as opposed to when I was 10 and often overlooked him (sorry jake).

similarly, when I was a kid and read these I sympathized a lot w/the chee and felt bad for them towards the end of the series when they had to get more involved in the war (genuinely don’t remember what they even do but ik I felt bad) 

but now I've basically 180′d and I'm like damn those chee sure are hypocrites huh. 

like they could solve So many of the animorphs problems but their stringent adherence to nonviolence leads to them actively getting in the animorphs way sometimes? and obviously pacifism is a complicated topic, but in this case it also intersect w/the whole ‘child soldier’ thing, and as beings who are insanely old and wise, the chee probably shouldn't just leave all the dirty work to a bunch of literal middle schoolers

aaaaanyways. there’s so much I love about this book. the iskoort! they were sure something. and the ‘plot twist’ that they are actually 2 beings, the Isk and the Yoort - and the Yoort are essentially Yeerks - that slapped. the symbiosis of it all! 

I loved the part where they all realize what this means, that this is why Crayak wants the iskoort destoryed - because someday the yeerks might come across them and realize parasitism is not the only way. I love it! 

alas I don’t recall the iskoort returning in the story (but also my memory is terrible so who knows?) but still that would be cool

basically I feel like this is the book where Jake Truly comes into his own as a leader, in every sense. he outmaneuvers Crayak, and even the ellimist, who’s yanking them around in his own way

the scene where jake shoves the howler off the cliff and jumps off and morphs and acquires the howler...that was fantastic and tense. 

also the murder is definitely becoming more overt. I mean, it has been for a while, but it isn’t really pointed out as much anymore. oof

more on the chee - as Jake points out in this book, and other characters point out in other books - the chee could have saved the pemalites, but instead just stood by while their creators were slaughtered. on the other hand, jake says, what do the chee do AFTER they’ve killed the howlers - where to point them next? when is the end of their violence? 

buuuuut also standing by while atrocities occur is pretty damning, as is frequently mentioned in this series - from the very beginning, when marco initially doesn’t want to get involved in the war at all, and the other animorphs basically tell him that turning his back on the war and acting like he doesn’t even know it’s happening would be immoral and cowardly (which imo this reaction helps to push marco in the direction he ends up going, but I digress) - this topic comes up again in 19 when cassie quits the team and rachel is upset bc she sees it as cassie elevating her own feelings above the greater good (as in, as long as cassie feels good about how she acts, it doesn’t matter how much preventable evil the yeerks are committing while she turns away). etc etc. but that’s essentially what’s happening w/the chee - even tho they help w/intel, the lack of any sort of Action on their part means that they’re essentially allowing awful things to happen when they could prevent them. this is rambly but basically...animorphs deals so much in grey areas, and the chee are noticeably black and white in their actions, despite falling, in a meta sense, in an extremely grey area. its such good, thought provoking writing!

anywayssss I keep talking about the chee lmao what else was there. oh YEAH jake and cassie kissed for the first time awww that was super cute 

and ofc immediately marco teases them as asks jake if he’s gonna kiss him next, and all I can say is...marco is a bicon 

also I love the background worldbuilding w/the iskoort, how they have all these groups and guilds and stuff - its not dwelled on much, which actually works really well to give the world/species a sense of lived-in realness 

okay oh man and the reveal at the end that the howlers were just like...children who thought the whole thing was a game...AUGHH man that’s sooo fucked 

like, when jake morphs the howler and has rachel ready to knock him down in grizzly morph if he gets out of control due to the howler’s murderous instincts, and he morphs to find that the howler is...playful, like a dolphin morph. SUCH a good fucked up sense of dawning horror there 

and the fact that as far as I can tell the chee KNEW this, but wanted revenge anyways, so they let the animorphs assume that the howlers were Evil On Purpose

also I love smaller moments, like jake seeing that ax is ashamed for briefly running away during one battle w/the howlers, and then entrusts him w/an important task bc he knows that ax will see that as redemption - and when everyone thought jake was dead and were so happy when he wasn't (they all love each other so much im gonna cry about these child soldiers augh)

basically that book was so good

man one thing I absolutely love is that the longer the series goes on the more obvious it is that andalites, despite inventing morphing technology, barely use it themselves 

like, most of the andalite characters we see barely morph. its kind of a last resort to them, as they’re already plenty dangerous in their regular forms 

meanwhile for the animorphs, that’s all they have to fight with. that’s their only weapons against the yeerks, and its so fun to see them use the power in so many varied ways, and so creatively, while the andalites have barely scratched the surface of their own technology

its also interesting to contrast against the yeerks who start out w/absolutely no technology, and the andalites share some but not all of their technology w/them...its too bad that morphing technology was just starting out cause that would’ve been interesting

like imo a lot of the conflict w/the yeerks could’ve been avoided if they could just nothlit into better forms - of course, there’d still be plenty of yeerks who want to go start wars or w/e, just like pretty much any species in the series, but a lot of yeerks would probably be like ‘yeah I'm good’ and just chill out as nothlits

also people online love to talk about how humans are alienfuckers and would definitely have sex w/sentient aliens and whatnot, and while I'm not saying that's untrue, its just funny bc in animorphs the truest alienfuckers are definitely the andalites

as of the hork-bajir chronicles, we now have a second instance of an andalite morphing another species to be in an inter-species alien romance (and eventually have kids) 

speaking of, I don’t think I’ve talked abt the hork bajir chronicles yet??? even tho I read it a while ago lmao 

HBC was great...I honestly haven’t really run into an animorphs book I’ve actually disliked at this point, I’m sure it’ll come w/all the ghostwriting and whatnot, but I’ve liked at least some aspects of every book

anyways HBC was great, and it’s funny bc I remember that I read this book as a kid, and yet rereading it now I didn’t remember a single bit of it lmaooo

I really liked the framing device of the free hork bajir telling this story to tobias. I also liked how we know from the beginning that this story wont have a happy ending - we know all the hork bajir end up enslaved by the yeerks, but it’s still somehow hopeful at the end? I think this is largely due to the framing device tbh. 

also I love toby, and I love that the First free hork bajir named their kid after tobias ;_; 

and oooh mannn I LOVED the different POVs from this book. all the characters were so interesting! aldrea was fascinating - I really like the increasingly negative view of the andalites that the readers are getting, all while maintaining the sense that they aren’t like, actively evil, just that they have their issues - like aldrea’s arrogance, and the general andalite arrogance which lead to the loss of the hork bajir. also, who knew andalites had their own brand of sexism? Ls

I did like getting a female andalite tho, that was cool. and dak was really cool, he was such a good, compassionate character who was able to maintain his morals in an interesting way throughout the story

and VISSER THREE...or should I say esplin 9466, because he’s not visser 3 yet...getting his ‘origin story’ was excellent - I really like how we’re learning about visser 3 backwards - we start off the series w/him as the main villain, and he’s campy and menacing, and then we see him in the andalite chronicles as a power-hungry sub-visser trying to climb the ranks and eventually getting alloran as a host, and then back even further here, w/the start of his focus on the andalites and the beginning of his ambition. its been very cool and interesting to see

plus, the beginning of the yeerks as we know them! seerow! alloran! it’s a party and nobody is having a good time, except for some of the yeerks. 

I like how it’s pretty obvious that the andalites are well-meaning with their interactions w/the yeerks, but go about it the wrong way - they give them enough technology that the yeerks realize there’s a whole world out there to experience, and then they blockade the yeerks on their planet and tell them they can’t leave. nnnnot the best approach imo

again, as I said above, I’m interested in how things could’ve gone if the andalites had given the yeerks morphing technology early on - could a lot of the conflict have been avoided, or would it have been worse? the yeerks seem pretty evil in this book, immediately jumping to enslave anyone they can. otoh we hear from esplin that not all yeerks like having host bodies, and find it overwhelming, preferring to swim around in the yeerk pool as a slug - I assume as host bodies became more available this type of thinking was probably stamped out in yeerk society or w/e, but there are a lot of interesting what-ifs in the situation 

I loved the scene where esplin first experiences having a host, and immediately knows he can’t go back. there are a bunch of great sensory descriptions, and it’s a nice scene to pinpoint as a foundational moment for the visser three in the current story, who spent a lot of time and energy getting what he sees as the best possible host body, an andalite

I find it interesting how much visser three clearly respects the andalites, even while constantly deriding them. and you can see the origins of that here as he immediately focuses in on the andalites, working to become an expert on them in order to make himself useful enough to move thru the ranks

another thing I like is how esplin seems a lot more crafty and ambitious than the visser three from modern times - I would guess that reaching his goal (andalite host body) and being given all that power was detrimental, playing on his weaknesses instead of his strengths. basically, I don’t think it’s ooc or anything, I can see how HBC-esplin became animorphs-esplin, especially w/TAC in between

as for seerow...poor dude. you really do have to feel for him, because you get the sense he really did just want to be kind to the yeerks, but it was borne from a place of pity, and he (and the other andalites) consistently held too much power over the yeerks for the species relations to ever be truly equal and functional 

AUGH I have so many thoughts about alien space politics. omg. I need to talk about the actual story lmao

so yeah I also feel for aldrea, she had a rough time, watching her entire family die and being thrown into a hopeless war

and then the andalite council or w/e not listening to her bc she's a girl AND seerow’s daughter...oof

also, I really really liked the running theme of the andalites - specifically aldrea - looking down on the hork bajir as ‘simple’ and constantly underestimating them, especially dak

and I like how this is portrayed as a bad attitude for aldrea to have, and she still remains and interesting and sympathetic character even while having obvious flaws. it’s about being 3-dimensional baby!

and oh man I love that dak realizes that aldrea looks down on him, and his entire species, but he can see that that’s how the andalites are, and it all connects back to the beginning of the story w/the yeerks, bc the andalites looked down on the yeerks and treated them with pity and kept them pinned under their proverbial thumb ‘for their own good’ and look how that turned out 

but dak is wise and kind enough to not hate aldrea for this, even acknowledging when she’s using him, but not pushing her away because he recognizes good in her too - and she ends up changing, partially because of his faith in her

and I feel like it can all be compared to that scenario of like - a hypothetical creature that lives in a 2D world suddenly being thrust into a 3D world, and comprehending what its seeing, and understanding that there’s so much more out there outside of the flat lines of its world - and then its dropped back into 2D-land with the knowledge of all the stuff its missing out on, and no way to get back to it or explain it to anybody else

I loooove that ‘trope’ or w/e you wanna call it, and it’s done beautifully here w/the yeerks - whos the say they wouldn't have been fine in their pool swimming around; as esplin said, a lot of the yeerks were terrified of having a host, it was only from the andalites’ perspective that their lives were sad and pitiful, and the andalites showed them what the world could be like, and then said ‘no, you can’t travel the stars like we do, you have to stay here on your planet and do what we say.’

and then again, w/the hork bajir - dak talks about how, even though he drinks up the knowledge that aldrea gives him, in the end it might have been better to just have lived peacefully, not knowing what was in the sky or the Deep - as aldrea says: “It was too late for Dak: he knew that the stars were not flowers.” 

plus the hork bajir having to go from a completely peaceful species who don’t even understand the concept of violence, to a bunch of soldiers fighting a war...oof 

basically everyone in this story uses the hork bajir. the yeerks use them as hosts, the andalites use their planet as a convenient place to dump seerow and then take their sweet time coming to help, and the arn created them as means to stabilize the planet, but block them off from their society and refuse to help when the yeerks come

like, the arn modifying themselves to be un-infestable by the yeerks and then being enslaved for physical labor instead? oof guys. if they had teamed up w/the hork bajir resistance things might have gone better, but probably not 

more on aldrea - throughout the story I was always thinking ‘how am I supposed to see her? as a good person, or as a bad person?’ 

as a POV character, especially a ‘good guy’ andalite, you just start off automatically thinking of her as a good person, but as the story goes on, she starts getting lost in revenge and begins using dak and the hork bajir, and you’re left wondering if this is a story about her slide into darkness, and then towards the end of the story her character development culminates in her making the decision to stay w/the hork bajir, and the be with dak, and that’s about when I went ‘ohhh right this is animorphs so every character is pretty much gonna be grey’

I feel like that moral grey-ness was on full display w/aldrea, and I really enjoyed that. I love so much when characters who are good do bad things, for good or bad reasons, especially in media like animorphs that’s aimed at kids. it’s so compelling. 

oof, and the ending when aldrea convinces dak to mobilize the hork bajir and teach them violence...and dak asks her if she’s ever killed another andalite, and she’s horrified, and says of course she hasn’t, and he says that that’s what she’s asking him, and all the hork bajir, to do - to kill their own people, even if they are being controlled by the yeerks. biiiig oof. I love that dak can keep up w/aldrea and her andalite supremacy attitude - it seems that the non-andalite characters who get along best w/the andalites are the ones who wont take their bs 

what else happened....oh my god how could I forget about alloran, and his quantum virus. oooof. I like how we find out about alloran in parallel to visser three, in the same backwards way - in animorphs he’s the tragic host of visser three, in TAC he’s the disgraced but still semi-respected war-prince who becomes the first ever andalite controller, and here he’s the guy who decides to commit some war crimes because, hey, we haven’t tried that yet 

but yeah that was fucked up, I love it. I’ve said it before I think but I like that alloran isn’t some perfect martyr tragically taken by the yeerks - it’s a lot more compelling that he’s a very flawed person who was taken as a controller partially due to his own bloodthirstiness. 

but yeah, the part where aldrea morphs alloran and ‘sneaks’ into that room was great. aldrea’s dedication to disposing of the virus is a great indicator of her character development - it really feels like the straw that broke the camels back w/re: to the andalites not being what she thought they were, w/their tardiness coming to help the hork bajir planet and the way her father was treated being the precursors to this realization. it all culminates nicely in aldrea saying ‘fuck this actually’ and nothlit-ing into a hork bajir.

and it’s really tragic but realistic that even though aldrea and dak end up seeing eye to eye at the end and getting together, the virus ends up being released anyways (and fails in its objective to stop the yeerks from using the hork bajir - the whole thing was p much a lose-lose situation oof), and aldrea and dak still die fighting a hopeless war 

but then we have the free hork bajir on earth, including toby, who, like tobias, has andalite ancestry, but no DNA to show for it - I like that they have that connection as well as tobias being her namesake

so yeah I enjoyed that one and its many-layered themes

WOW this got long uuuuuhhh ok I think i’ll leave this one off here. at the time I’m actually finishing the writing and editing, I’m on book 35 lol so I have some backlogging to do. never fear, I have a lot to say....

[itsmattsunshinehere]

Hello!! I was wondering if you could do a scenario with matsukawa and a shy reader? They get paired up for a project and matsukawa has never spoken to her bc she’s always quiet but as he gets to know her, he finds out she’s actually really funny bc she sends memes and they eventually fall in love 🤧 abit cliche but I’d love it 👉🏼👈🏼

Of course I can! I love Mattsun, so I’m always happy to write something with my sweet angel :)

I didn’t know how to put memes so there aren’t any BUT actually there are some nerdy jokes (wich I adore), like really really bad jokes. I kinda have the feeling Matsukawa only know these lmao, he’s dumb (BUT WE LOVE HIM). I hope it’s okay for you, please don’t hate me.

Thanks for your request, hope you like it! 😘💘

-L

*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

A Change of Heart.

Matsukawa Issei x reader

synopsis: Matsukawa has never spoken to you, but something changes after you two being paired together for a school project.

word count: 2.1 K

tags: fluff

~~~

Matsukawa Issei. Of all the possible people, he was the last of your classmates you thought you could be paired with for group project. You don't have any problems with him, you don't find him annoying or anything else, it’s just that sometimes you forget about the presence of some of your classmates, Matsukawa included: you are a shy girl and you almost never talk during lessons; you often get distracted thinking about your own business, it is normal for you to not notice the people you don’t talk to, even more if they tend to be as quite as you.

On his side, even Issei hasn’t noticed you, too busy sleeping a few desks away from you: the night before he went to bed late, staying up until one o'clock only to play computer games with some friends.

Anyway, he's your science project partner and you can't do anything about it, even if you prefer to work alone and organize everything to your liking all by yourself, you'll have to collaborate with him and as you, even the guy agrees that for the sake of your GPA it will be essential to try to get along and cooperate. That's why at the end of the class, before your math teacher arrives, your project partner comes to your desk.

"Good morning Matsukawa-san." You greet him shyly, his height puts you slightly in awe, you’ve never noticed how tall he actually is.

"’Morning Y/N-san, apparently we are project companions." He replies to you yawning a little distracted, without looking too sure on what he’s saying; you get the impression that he would like to have been paired with someone else, probably one of his friends, but you try not to pay too much attention to your thoughts.

"Yes, that's correct." You nod looking at him again with a patient smile on your lips.

"I thought that maybe we could exchange our phone numbers to organize on what to do and when to see each other." The boy still keeps his eyes away from yours not looking at you but rather looking up at two of your classmates who are throwing a ball just a few feet from you. You smile at him once more and take your agenda, ripping off a sheet, and after writing some numbers, you give it to him.

"Here to you, I am almost always free every afternoon after six. How about starting in two days, maybe this Wednesday? Is it okay for you?" you ask him, and after thinking about it for a few minutes, as if he were consulting his own agenda mentally, the boy in front of you nods and after greeting you, he turns back to his desk.

You didn't think there were people quieter than you. Or maybe he thinks you’re boring. But what could you have done to him to make you so annoying? You put aside your bad thoughts and focus on the rest of the lessons, more concerned about your grades than the idea that your partner has of you. Of course, sometimes you tend to have no self-esteem, not trusting you’re decisions, but having never spoken to him, he has no reason to hate you, so you don't worry too much about what he might think of you.

But while you don't care about his thoughts, Issei can't say the same for himself: he's curious about what kind of girl you are, what a hobby you have... Why are you only free after six?? Are you in any club? Would you like to go to college? Are you moving to Tokyo next year as most of your classmates? He'd like to ask you so many questions, you intrigue him in a certain way, and he can't deny that you're a pretty girl. He finds adorable how you carry the pencil on your lips every time you stare at the sky out the window.

The two days pass fast, and from Monday you are almost immediately to Wednesday afternoon in the library, you waiting for him at the table on the corner and he who has to run because, due to Oikawa and his obsession with improving the whole team’s service, he is definitely late. The boy looks out the door of the room and rushes you to a table near the windows, listening to music with headphones in your ears and studying some subject. He joins you, slowing down the pace trying not to make any noise.

"Y/N-san." He calls you whispering, but you don't hear him, which is why he tries to get your attention by touching your arm as he sits by your side and you gasp surprised, causing him to giggle.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." You look at the boy with a gentle smile, moving your hand and telling him that he doesn’t have to worry.

“It's nothing, I was doing chemistry homework for tomorrow, but I can't calculate the reaction and find the name of this binary salt.” You say giving up your homework, changing the page of the book and taking the section assigned to you for your work.

"You know chemists are great solving problems? They have all the solutions." Matsukawa replay with a smile, taking your notebook and looking at what you've written.

"I tried telling a chemistry joke once, but I got no reaction." You watch the boy with a grin as Matsukawa lifts his head up surprised, definitely not expecting a joke from you, but you instead look at him laughing at his expression and Matsukawa gives you a sincere smile chuckling.

Time passes quickly as you organize your project and decide what and how to expose it to your classmates. You divide your work and begin your research together, each one giving his own contribution to the other, to try to make it better and giving a sense to what you are doing. When you look at the phone you realize that it is now seven and a half o'clock in the evening and you inform your project partner, who nods and you two begin to pick up your books. Matsukawa is faster than you, so waits for you at the library entrance.

"Y/N-san, I wanted to ask you a question." He tells you while he’s walking by your side, and you can't help but think about how many centimeters there are between you two. You nod kindly with your head.

"How come you never talk? You're funny." He asks you a little hesitantly, and you think for a second about what to answer. You don't know that either, it's not that you don't have any friends, it’s just that you're not the kind of person who starts a conversation. You have no problem talking to others, you just don't like to take the first step.

"Sorry, maybe I was too rude." Matsukawa says softly, worried that he has maybe offended you in some way, but you shake your head with a smile, trying to make him understand that he didn't do anything wrong.

"No don't worry. I can't give you an answer, I think it's just my character. I'm a very shy girl and I tend to stand all by myself, but I've never had a problem talking to people. Once I know someone, I have no problem opening up." you answer him by giving him yet another smile of the day.

Matsukawa looks at you as you walk past him and reach the school gate: part of him that morning had been convinced that he would be bored with you, he felt like you were a serious person, unable to make jokes or something similar. Yet you have happily surprised him, showing a side of your character that you keep secret and that maybe you only show to your closest friends. He feels a bit special.

You reach the gate and you greet him by according to meet at Friday at the same time and so on the following Monday, ending up meeting on those three days every week throughout the entire month, in the library at six in the afternoon.

It has become a habit for you, as well as exchanging messages, during lessons or in your free time. You start spending more and more time together, on lunch breaks you join Matsukawa with his friends in the school canteen, having fun joking with Hanamaki. Matsukawa feels that something has changed. He understands that he has started looking at you differently, seeing you always beautiful and always happy. He understands it from how he has started to notice details on your face; that little mole on your chin, how you tie your hair when you're focused on some math exercise.

A change in his heart.

He starts to think that yours are no longer just moments where you study, but that they are slowly evolving into something more intimate, much more like dating, where you joke and talk about anything. As you tell him how you would like to travel the world, he tells you about the few places he has visited abroad; while you talk to him about the reading club you're a part of, he tells you about his passion for volleyball and his dream of going to the Nationals tournament with his team. You unravel your secrets to each other, without fear, fully trusting each other.

Until one day, when Iwaizumi seeing him smiling atone of your message suggests him something, a particular idea that remains stuck in his head for days.

"You should ask her out." The ace tells him with conviction and the middle blocker looks at him doubtful, not too convinced that you may be interested in dating him.

"Definitely, you can’t take your eyes off her and you're always distracted. Push your pride aside and make the first move before someone takes her away from you." Hanamaki speaks by sitting on the bench next to him and taking a sip from his water bottle. Matsukawa bursts into laughter, though he can't deny that a certain annoying feeling has awakened in him. Maybe jealousy? Impossible, unless...?

The days pass and the date of the presentation of your project approaches, until you arrive at the last Friday before you have to expose your work in front of the whole class, Iwaizumi's words have not yet disappeared from Issei’s mind, as well as those of Hanamaki. What if someone realizes what a beautiful person you are and asks you out? Maybe he should make a move, or maybe they just told him to annoy him... he walks through the corridors until you reach the library that you have been frequented for just over a month. He sees you sitted in your usual place with the usual headphones in your ears and the usual chemistry notebook under your eyes.

He comes near you, moving the chair next to you and sitting to your right and you as always don't even notice him, too caught up in what you're doing. He touches your arm and as always you gasp, quickly turning towards him, while Matsukawa giggles for your reaction. You tongue out and punch him on his shoulder.

"You know you scare my Issei!" you scold him while once again the boy next to you takes your notebook and looks at what's wrong with your equations, remembering when few minutes before you text him that you couldn't do anything.

"Here you go. You miscalculated." Matsukawa answers by giving you back your notebook.

"Forget hydrogen, you're my number one element!" you smile him while he giggles a bit.

"Oh, it's that time of the day where we tell each other stupid chemistry jokes?" he asks you chuckling and you nod happily.

"Well I hope you love science, because tonight we are going to have a chemical reaction." The boy immediately answers you and you can't hold back a laugh, getting the attention of the last remaining students that like you are study and the librarian, who throws you glances from behind her desk. Embarrassed, you apologize and look over Matsukawa, while the boy has a sip of water.

"How about you ask me out first?" you whisper him, blushing instantly, and the boy almost chokes with water and begins coughing, while you try to help him, this time you're the one giggling for the other’s reaction.

Once calmed down, Matsukawa looks up at you, as red as you. Did you really say that? He tries to think of what to answer quickly, not wanting to waste the opportunity.

"There’s a Cafe where they make delicious pancakes." He proposes you embarrassed and you look at him happy, beginning to pick up your books under Matsukawa's eye.

"It’d be amazing." You stand up slowly, sticking your hand out with a smile. Matsukawa copies your movements and gets up taking his backpack. He squeezes your hand with a wink.

“Let’s go.”

[computernerdjohanssen]

Great Comet Character Analysis (Hélène)

So, I did end up writing this instead of doing work for school, I’ll probably write the rest of them over the next couple weeks, but this is the Hélène post bc I love her & I feel like she can be super misinterpreted!

Disclaimer: I never saw Comet live; I’m just working off of a couple boots & 4 years of listening to the soundtrack plus a tiny bit of the novel & the official Great Comet book

So, the general characterization of Hélène in Comet is that she’s selfish and cruel, putting herself and her happiness first, BUT when you look a little deeper, you can see how bored and tried of this life she is and how her actions are really motivated by some kind of compassion

So, in War & Peace, Hélène is trapped in her loveless marriage primarily bc her father (Prince Vasili is the worst) wanted to get his hands on Pierre’s title and fortune

she and Pierre were never in love, and in Comet we see how toxic their relationship can be since Hélène constantly mocks him by verbally insulting him or flaunting her extra-marital affairs publicly

 However, Hélène does at least care for her husband, since she fears for his life throughout the Duel, pleading with him to not accept the challenge & screaming as Dolokhov shoots (emphasized further on stage as Hélène grabs at Pierre’s arms and bends over the railings during the duel in grief)

whether you want to attribute this to fear of losing her status or wealth is up to you, but I think it’s more compassion since she later risks her title trying to obtain an annulment from Pierre in the book

also, very interesting is how Hélène only screams for Pierre, despite the fact Dolokhov is the only one who actually gets shot. She only dismisses him, telling Anatole to take him away and then never really interacts with him again until the Abduction

the end of the Duel is one of the most notable points of Hélène being done with this kind of life; how defeated/resigned she sounds when calling Pierre a fool, the aggression in “it’s a gift” wow I love Amber Gray

Of course, one of Hélène’s most notable plots is her very public affair with Dolokhov (the motivation behind the “Hélène is a slut” line for the most part) but honestly, they barely interact beyond showing off at the Opera and during the Duel, Dolokhov is more of a distraction for Hélène than anything else

 in the end Hélène is only portrayed as a “slut” due to her affairs (just Dolokhov in Comet but there were others) but, I still love how Dave Malloy shaped Hélène someone who has embraced her sexuality with pride, she’s a badass, no one can tell me otherwise

Hélène’s main relationship in the show is really with Anatole, her brother, who she clearly loves more than anyone (I’m not touching the incest thing thanks) & throughout the first act, Hélène goes along with/encourages Anatole to pursue Natasha despite knowing better bc she knows it’ll amuse him

she & Dolokhov have clearly dealt with Anatole’s obsessions before, I doubt Hélène knew the full scope of Anatole’s intentions at first, if at all (Anatole takes money from her, it’s never implied she gave it or was aware of the plot to elope but she’s not totally innocent either)

during the Ball, Hélène is the last to stop playing her wine glass after Natasha & Anatole kiss, and repeatedly encourages Anatole throughout the ball despite knowing Natasha is engaged

she coerces Natasha to the Ball on Anatole behalf (literally all of Charming is for Anatole’s sake), she carries Anatole’s letter giddily across to Natasha (with a quick stop via an audience member), etc.

Hélène’s involvement in the whole Natasha/Anatole disaster can really just be seen as a source of entertainment for her, it’s amusing for her to watch her brother act like that and so Hélène encourages it all for the sake of her own enjoyment (“how the thought of throwing them together amuses me”

 when the abduction goes south, Hélène is protective of Anatole and wants to shield him as much as possible (she calls for him during Find Anatole and tries to calm him, then Anatole collapses into Hélène’s lap as Pierre enters their home)

Pierre tears into Hélène once he finds them, but she puts herself between her husband and brother in a last attempt to protect him (in boots, you can see how threatening Pierre is to Anatole & the terror that crosses Amber’s face)

when Pierre first responds to Hélène, you can see Amber cradle Lucas’ face and whisper to him to keep him as calm as possible before pushing him away as Pierre walks towards them

When Pierre gets close, Hélène throws herself over one of the banquettes to protect herself from his path, raising a hand towards him as he passes by (this behaviour implies that Pierre had raised his hand to her before, or that she knows how dangerous his temper can be. Dave actually included this in an early version of the song, referencing how well Hélène knew Pierre’s rage)

When Pierre says “amuse yourself with women like my wife” during Pierre & Anatole, a spotlight shines on Hélène and she stands from the stairs in defiance, looking real pissed about how Pierre believes she should be treated

 “reflection of that base and cringing smile, which Pierre knew so well in his wife”, not only does this line further vilify Anatole but strengthens the similarities between the Kuragin siblings and how selfish Hélène can be too

 As Anatole makes his exit, Hélène runs down the stairs to get one last look & collapses over the railing like she does during the Duel. When the lights come back on, she glares at Pierre for abusing her brother & chasing him away

Hélène then sits beside one of the onstage tables for the rest of the show looking v depressed, and starts crying as Pierre confesses his love to Natasha which is so heartbreaking

in the end, Hélène is a more complex character than most people initially think and god bless Amber Gray for portraying her so magnificently

[eeveedel]

chubby omega louis. in the grocery store some not-so-kind omega congrats him for being pregnant but he is not so it upset him and after the night harry conforts him they have sex with all the have-my-pups dirty talk😛😛😛😛😛

a very long over-due prompt! all fluff and angst bc I was too lazy to write smut, very lightly edited. enjoy! 

--

Louis had come close to having a breakdown in the grocery store more times than he would like to admit to himself, but today, he felt particularly close.

 Harry was at home with their three-month old daughter, and he had asked Louis if he would mind popping out for a half gallon of milk, a box of oatmeal, and maybe some apples. Usually Harry took on the duty of random errand runs, but Louis had barely gotten out of the house at all in the past few months, and Harry thought it would be good for him to leave for maybe an hour.

 “Go out, get our stuff, get yourself a tea,” he’d said with their daughter swaddled to his chest, a soft smile on his face, “Enjoy yourself.”

 Louis was doing the exact opposite of enjoying himself, because he was forgetting Harry’s favorite flavor of instant oatmeal, and yeah, he could just text Harry and ask, but the fact he was forgetting already made him a terrible husband, and he wasn’t in the mood to make it more obvious.

 So he was close to have a breakdown in the cereal aisle, and then, to make things worse, he heard a familiar voice call to him down the aisle.

 “Louis?”

 His full body cringed as he heard the voice of a woman he had take mommy yoga classes with many, many months ago and he had long gone to extensive efforts to avoid.

 Louis lifted his head, seeing her trotting down the aisle with her long ponytail and bright pink work out pants, and he braced himself.

 “Oh, hey, Angie,” he greeted.

 “Hey,” Angie grinned, coming right up to him, “I haven’t seen you in so long, how are you doing?”

 “Oh, I’m okay,” Louis shrugged, “Everything’s a little crazy with the baby right now.”

 “Oh, I can imagine,” she said, tossing her head, “But congratulations to you and Harry, that’s so exciting!”

 “It really is, yeah,” he agreed. He reached down and grabbed the handle of the basket at his feet, like he was prepared to leave at any moment. Which, honestly, he was at this point.

 “When’s she due again?” Angie asked, with that same steady smile.

 Louis blinked and frowned.

 “What?”

 “The baby, when’s she due?” Angie repeated, “Soon? You look ready to pop!”

 She gestured to Louis’s body, and he felt his face heat up at the same moment his stomach went cold. He resisted the urge to put an arm around his stomach.

 “Um,” Louis said, his mouth suddenly going dry, “The – the baby’s three months old now.”

 Angie’s face shifted, her eyes widening.

 “Oh, Louis, I’m so sorry.”

 “It’s okay,” he said quickly, when though his stomach had started to hurt now.

 “Really, I didn’t know,” Angie said.

 “Yeah, it’s fine,” Louis repeated. He was grasping the handle of his basket harder now, ready to leave.

 “You know, I know some great postpartum workouts, if you ever want me to send you anything,” she said, waving her hand in the air. “Could always help.”

 “Thanks,” Louis said flatly. He hoped his face wasn’t pinking up too badly.

 Angie just looked at him for another moment, pressing her lips together, and then shrugged, like she had just now figured out that this was a horrible, awful, uncomfortable situation and Louis wanted to burn himself alive.

 “Well, it was nice seeing you, Louis!”

 She gave him a wave he didn’t return, and then headed back off down the aisle.

 Louis jus stood still, his eyes and face burning, and then he quickly grabbed the closest box of oatmeal, flavor and brand be damned, and hustled off to the register.

 The whole ride home, Louis kept swallowing hard and blinking, trying to keep himself from tearing up. He was already in such a shit mood, and then fucking Angie had to appear and make it worse.

 Louis knew he had gained a lot of weight during his pregnancy, and he knew that was normal. Every mommy book and blog told him that breastfeeding would help the weight come off, but it hadn’t for him. He was stressed all the time, and exhausted, and he was still eating like he had while he was pregnant. If anything, he had gained more weight since he gave birth, and usually, he didn’t care, because he spent all day in maternity pants and big sweatpants, breastfeeding and changing diapers and trying to fit in sleep anywhere he could.

 But he was acutely aware of his weight now, because apparently he still looked fucking pregnant. He could feel the weight of his belly pressing on his thighs and pushing out the band of his pants, when he looked down at every red light he could see it pushing out the fabric of his sweatshirt, and looking at himself he felt the first tear push out of his eyes. He squeezed them closed, repressing a wet sob, and kept driving.

 Because now he was thinking about Harry, his kind, patient Harry, and how they hadn’t had sex since their daughter was born. Harry had given him everything he needed; back rubs and kisses and snacks, god, lots of snacks, but they hadn’t had sex. Not even a hand job. And when Louis had gone to pick Harry up from the gym last week, on one of the few days he felt okay enough to grab the car seat and go for a drive, he had seen Harry with his gym friends at the door. His very cute, very in shape gym friends, who were all grinning and giving Harry hugs and slapping him on the back.

 He knew Harry would never cheat on him, but now, just thinking about Harry bumping bodies with people younger and far thinner than Louis made his stomach twist up even more.

 By the time he got home, he was hoping that Harry was in the background, or upstairs, or somewhere Louis could avoid him for a bit. But no, when Louis came in the house, Harry was sitting on the living room floor, rocking a fast-asleep baby in her rocker.

 “Hi, babe!” Harry called when Louis walked in the door, “How was the store?”

 “Uh,” Louis choked out, “One second.”

 He raced to the kitchen and rapidly put away the three things he had gotten, and then just stood in the kitchen, gripping the counter hard as he squeezed his eyes closed. Again, it didn’t work, and he wanted to scream in frustration. He wanted to scream even more when he heard Harry’s footsteps come towards the kitchen.

 “Louis?” Harry asked softly, “Is everything okay, baby?”

 Louis pressed his hands hard to his face, trying to keep everything in, but by the time Harry rounded the corner, Louis was full on blubbering.

 “Oh, baby,” Harry said immediately, “Honey, what is it? Can you talk to me?”

 Louis just shook his head and wiped an arm over his eyes, still hiccupping.

 “It’s dumb,” he managed, and Harry frowned.

 “Well you’re upset, love, so it can’t be dumb,”

 Louis winced and shook his head, looking down at his socked feet. Even the bits of his ankles he could see poking out of his sweatpants looked thick and swollen. God.

 “I ran into Angie at the store,” Louis sniffled, “She asked me when the baby was due.”

 He shifted and rubbed his eyes, suddenly feeling pathetic.

 “She said I looked ready to pop,” he said, “You know. Because I’m fucking fat now.”

 Then, he broke into sobbing again, and covered his face. Harry was by his side in an instant, rubbing his back.

 “Oh, baby,” he said, “Baby, baby, it’s alright.”

 “No, it’s not!” Louis stopped, “I’m fucking fat, and we haven’t had sex in months, probably because you don’t want to touch me any more, and – “

 “Whoa, whoa, slow down,” Harry said, “Of course I want to touch you, you’re my husband! Why wouldn’t I want to touch you?”

 “Because!” Louis snapped, suddenly frustrated that Harry wasn’t connecting the damn dots, “I. Am. Fat, Harry. I had a baby and I got fat and clearly everyone can tell so don’t tell me you didn’t notice of any of that bullshit.”

 “I – “ Harry choked out, and Louis covered his face again.

 “Oh, God, you did notice. And that’s why we’re not fucking anymore, and you’re going to leave me, and – “

 “Okay, hey, no, slow down,” Harry said. He grabbed Louis’s hands and carefully pulled them away from his face. Instead, Harry held them between his big hands, squeezing Louis’s fingers between his own. Louis looked up at him, his stomach still in pain as he gazed up at his husband. His lovely, strong, very skinny husband.

 “Okay, first of all, Angie is in a pyramid scheme and didn’t vaccinate her kids, so she can fuck off,” Harry said, “Second of all – baby, we haven’t had sex because you were healing, and I didn’t want to hurt you after you literally just gave birth.”

 Louis just stared, so Harry kept going.

 “We’ve just barely had a minute to ourselves, and when we did I wanted you to rest,” Harry said, “God, Louis, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize what that was doing to you, I really didn’t.”

 “Well,” Louis said, “Thanks.”

 Harry gave him a pained smile before pushing on.

 “Listen to me,” Harry said, “This has nothing to do with what you look like, I promise. Not at all. You’re so beautiful, Louis.”

 “But I’m fatter,” Louis said flatly.

 “Yeah, you put on some weight, but you had a baby,” Harry said, “And god, you’re so gorgeous.”

 Louis rolled his eyes.

 “Okay, let’s not over do it.”

 “No, seriously. Baby, you were so pretty and curvy before but now…” Harry glanced down at Louis’s body, and the other man wanted nothing more than to wriggle out of sight, “God, you’re stunning.”

 His voice got a bit deep, and Louis just blinked at him blankly, his mouth popping open.

 “You…like me like this?” Louis said hesitantly.

 “Honestly, baby, I love it,” Harry said, “You’re beautiful. And sexy. Really, really sexy.”

 Harry let go of Louis’s hands and then went to hold him by the waist. He squeezed Louis’s sides a bit, making the other man flush, and Harry just grinned and shook his head.

 “Seriously, I don’t want to hurt you, and I know the delivery was hard and you’re still healing but…God, when you’re ready, I would love to be able to touch you again. Really, properly touch you.”

 “Really?” Louis said softly.

 “Fucking absolutely. I have a gorgeous husband, and he just had my baby, and I’m very in love with him and have been for years, why wouldn’t I want to fuck the absolute shit out of him?”

 “Wow, you’re as romantic as ever,” Louis rolled his eyes, which made Harry laugh and smirk.

 “And I promise, I will absolutely no complaints about your weight. None in the slightest.”

 “I,” Louis stuttered out, and then looked at his feet again. Harry caught his chin and made him look up, which just made Louis blush.

 “Maybe,” Louis said, “Maybe we could blow each other tonight? If you want?”

 Harry grinned, his entire face lighting up. He grabbed Louis around the waist and pulled him close, placing a hard kiss on his lips.

 “It would be my pleasure,” he said. And God, he sounded so sincere Louis’s entire body warmed pleasantly. He pressed himself to Harry’s chest, closing his eyes.

 “I love you,” he murmured.

 “I love you too, bug,” Harry said, and Louis smiled at the old name.

 “Will you love me even if I got you the wrong oatmeal?”

 “Uh,” Harry said, “I didn’t ask for oatmeal, babe, I asked for granola bars.”

 “Oh my God,” Louis gasped out, “I’m so sorry, I totally forgot, and I thought – “

 “Hey, you know what? It doesn’t matter. Oatmeal is great. I love oatmeal. Oatmeal is better than granola bars.”

 Harry held his hand on the back of Louis’s head, pressing him deeper into his chest, and Louis huffed and closed his eyes, murmuring to Harry once again he loved him.

 He really was so lucky to have him, and to have their daughter, and no one else mattered.

 Especially not Angie. 

[lailaliquorice]

you were made to become a sanctuary

The second of seven anon requests, and this was actually sent in by two people! The prompt is “Is that blood?” “...No?” and anon #2 asked for aragon and boleyn, which was what I’d planned anyway so I was v happy!

alternate title: THE SOFTEST ARAGON YOU HAVE EVER SEEN

honestly I love the aragon and boleyn mother/daughter duo so damn much. this has vulnerable aragon and boleyn angst so might just be one of my favourite oneshots yet. that’s all I have to say bc it’s nearly 10pm and I haven’t had dinner yet due to wanting to finish this first lol

tw for blood (obvs lol) and indirect mentions of needles

Despite the fact that Aragon had been a mother longer than anyone else had been, she wasn’t the chief ‘mum friend’ out of the group. That title belonged very firmly to Jane, who never failed to look after them all whenever they needed someone to mother them. From the usually sceptical Cleves who accepted the help while only pretending not to need it, to the very willing Kat who had been in obvious need of a maternal figure from the second she was reincarnated. And Jane was the perfect person to provide that for them all.

But that didn’t mean that Aragon wasn’t the motherly type. She had raised her daughter for fifteen years before her divorce so knew a thing or two about mothering teenagers, meaning that both Jane and Kat had come to her for advice that the two couldn’t take from each other. She knew how to read expressions like words and could always tell when someone was unwell or upset or just needed someone to check in with them. Perhaps she wasn’t as much of an outward mother hen as Jane was, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel that sort of care towards her younger queens.

As a result, all her alarm bells were sent ringing at the sound of someone stumbling over the doorstep very late one night.

The sound of quiet cursing told her it was Anne, which made sense since she’d gone out after the show to meet with a historian and had told the others not to wait up for her. It was only by chance that Aragon was still awake herself – she’d lost track of time while reading – but she was immediately very glad that she had been as she hurried out of the kitchen towards the front door. Anne was holding onto the doorframe as she clumsily pulled her shoes off, and she would have almost fallen a second time if she hadn’t managed to catch herself on the chest of drawers.

“Are you drunk?” Aragon asked, watching her through concerned eyes.

Anne shook her head, seeming slightly off though Aragon could tell she was trying desperately to play it off. “No, ‘m fine. Just a bit tired,” she insisted, walking past Aragon into the kitchen.

But there was definitely something wrong, Aragon realised as she scrutinised her carefully. A slight limp in her walk, one arm held stiffly to her side, the dazed look in her eyes. She was about to follow Anne when out of the corner of her eye she noticed a dark smear on the doorframe she was sure hadn’t been there before. After casting a quick glance towards Anne to make sure she wasn’t looking she went over to take a closer look, and her stomach dropped when she realised what she’d originally thought was just dirt was actually crimson.

She didn’t say anything as she rushed back into the kitchen and grabbed Anne’s wrist without explanation. Sure enough, there were red stains on her fingertips which confirmed Aragon’s fears. “Is this blood?” she asked, eyeing her intently.

“…No?” Anne answered vaguely, not meeting Aragon’s gaze.

“Anne, please,” Aragon said, refusing to let go of her in case she tried to run off. “This is blood, isn’t it?”

There was a second where she thought Anne was going to deny it again, before her lower lip trembled and she gave a shallow nod. “Yeah,” she whispered, suddenly looking incredibly small.

Aragon’s expression softened at the pitiful sight of her, relaxing her grip on Anne’s wrist as she led her over to the table. “Sit down and let me see,” she ordered gently, waiting with arms outstretched in case Anne needed the support as she sat before pulling up her own chair.

Anne was quiet as she pulled off her jacket, and it was hard for Aragon not to recoil in horror as she saw the deep cuts in Anne’s shoulder from which dark blood flowed sluggishly over pale skin. The pained wince on her face was unmissable as she pulled up her skirt to reveal similar wounds on one knee which the material had stuck to. And when she looked at Aragon for the first time, she saw the shallow graze over one eyebrow which had been hidden by her hair until then.

“I was walking home from the pub where I met the historian and someone grabbed me,” she began without Aragon needing to prompt the story out of her. “I dunno what he wanted, me or my purse probably. Kicked him in the balls to make him let go, but when I tried to go he smashed a bottle and hit me over the shoulder with it, then pushed me over where all the glass was. I just got up and ran the rest of the way home.”

A few tears had rolled down her cheek as she spoke and her breathing had quickened with panic, prompting Aragon to lean forwards and take her hands gently. “Breathe, Anne, you’re home and safe now,” she said, giving Anne a reassuring smile as Anne nodded and inhaled deeply through her nose. “There you go. Now hold tight for a moment while I fetch a few things.”

Anne nodded again, and Aragon squeezed her hands before getting up and heading for the medicine cabinet. She was always grateful in times like these that Jane liked to keep it so well stocked, since the first aid kit was practically overflowing with antiseptic wipes and plasters of all shapes and sizes. After a thought occurred to her she paused in her rummaging to flick the kettle on, and when she sat back down at the table she handed Anne a mug of hot chocolate before laying her medical supplies over the table.

“Drink that, it’ll help with the shock,” she said, giving Anne a knowing smile before she got to work.

A look of confusion crossed Anne’s face as she sniffed the contents of her mug, but it was followed by a tiny smile as she took a sip. “You think of everything,” she quipped in a fragile voice, and Aragon couldn’t help but give a short huff of laughter.

There was mostly silence between them as Aragon cleaned up the gashes on Anne’s knee and down her shin from where she’d landed on the pavement littered with glass shards. Aragon gave herself a moment of relief when she cleaned the grit away and found no glass lodged in any of the cuts, murmuring frequent apologies as Anne flinched away from the sting of the antiseptic. After securing a large square of gauze dressing, she got Anne to turn her chair slightly so she could work on her shoulder.

A thoughtful hum escaped her as she surveyed the circle of deep cuts, noting with growing concern how they were still bleeding profusely and staining her once-white vest top scarlet. “I think you might need to get stitches put in these,” she said quietly.

She felt Anne’s shoulders tense beneath her hands, before she relaxed with a sigh. “Ok,” she said with a nod, looking back at Aragon with a resigned smile. “Are we going now?”

“Yes,” Aragon nodded, getting to her feet first and offering her hands to help Anne stand.

Her support quickly turned out to be well needed when Anne stood up on her injured leg and immediately cursed loudly in agony. Aragon’s arms shot out to catch her as she stumbled over sideways, hopping on her other leg as she fought to regain her balance. “Swear it wasn’t hurting this much when I was running home,” she muttered, letting out a breathless and obviously pained laugh.

“That was probably the adrenaline,” Aragon pointed out, pulling Anne’s arm over her shoulders and putting the other hand on her waist to take as much of her weight as she could. “Come on, let’s get you into the car.”

“Hold up,” Anne said, leaning over to snag the keys off the hook before grabbing onto Aragon’s shoulders again and letting her help her out to the car.

After getting Anne into the passenger seat, an activity that made Aragon wish she had Anna’s strength to just lift her in, they were off to the hospital. Their time in the waiting room was spent with Aragon sat in one chair and Anne laid across about four with her head in Aragon’s lap, and Aragon didn’t even realise she’d started playing with Anne’s hair until Anne let out a happy hum as she relaxed under her touch. Aragon stilled for a second, suddenly afraid of something she couldn’t quite put her finger on, before Anne pouting up at her prompted her to continue.

A voice calling out “Miss Boleyn,” ended the moment between them, and Aragon just smiled down at Anne before helping her to her feet again.

They were taken into a treatment room where thankfully Aragon had an extra pair of hands to help Anne up onto the bed. The doctor quickly confirmed Aragon’s suspicion that stitches were required, and the question if Anne wanted pain relief as the stitches were put in was met with a “Yes” so quick that Aragon had to roll her eyes in both amusement and exasperation.

Anne was sat on the bed facing Aragon as the stitches were put in, holding the gas and air mouthpiece in one hand and clinging onto Aragon with the other. Her scared eyes scarcely left Aragon’s face as the doctor worked, with Aragon murmuring quiet encouragements every time she flinched a little during the procedure. Once everything was finished and the graze on her forehead had been looked at too, they were sent home with instructions on when to change the dressings and an appointment booked in a week’s time to get them removed.

“Catalina?” Anne whined as Aragon attempted with difficulty to get her out of the car once they were home; the painkillers had gone to her head and made her a little loopier than usual. “Catalinaaaaaaa?”

“What is it Anne?” Aragon asked as she finally managed to get Anne onto the driveway, shutting the car door before leading her into the house. The words alone might have come across as fed up, but there was a fond look in her eyes and note of amusement in her voice upon hearing her Spanish name as she helped Anne through the doorway.

Anne was quiet as she watched Aragon take her shoes off. Aragon was beginning to think she’d forgotten her question altogether when she spoke again, looking up at her through wide eyes. “Do you love me?”

The question made Aragon pause for a split second, the same misgivings she’d had in the hospital waiting room flooding back, before she saw the hope in Anne’s face and relaxed. From how they’d started out after their reincarnation, their relationship had grown and changed until Aragon was finding herself thinking of her like she had once thought of her Mary without even realising it. Sometimes that realisation scared her; it wasn’t only the guilt at essentially replacing her daughter, but the fear that something would take Anne away from her in the same way she’d once lost Mary. But, if her second chance was going to be worth anything, she was determined to leave those ghosts firmly in her past.

“I do,” Aragon finally answered just as Anne’s eyes dropped, and she felt her misgivings melt away at the sight of Anne’s grin. “Like you’re my own daughter. And I’m sorry I don’t show it more often.”

Aragon didn’t know how Anne managed it without tripping over her own feet in her inebriated state, but barely a second passed before she had Anne’s arms around her neck in a tight hug. “Thanks mum,” she whispered in Aragon’s ear.

Tears pooled in Aragon’s eyes upon hearing the word she hadn’t heard in nearly five hundred years. Anne’s sudden sway pulled her from her shock and she wrapped her arms around the younger girl’s back, too touched to feel any shame as Anne watched her shed a happy tear.

[moldy-mold]

Diary Post: My Thoughts and Processes on Making “Silent Strength” It’s lengthy, taking place over long period of time. Mainly written for my future-self to remember what I went through, but also for anyone who is curious. Now that the project is over, I can post without reservations. There are certain things I need to keep secret though, so if I’m vague I do so intentionally!

Basically, a lot of number-crunching, physical labor, and psychological labor.

It started off as kind of a joke tweet I made. I had enough content to make a Tales Of art book and people were receptive to it. So… I thought maybe I could go somewhere with this. A few weeks later, I suddenly had a lot of Kratos art. Like. 80% of all my Tales art was Kratos. It didn’t make sense to make a broad Tales Of book when really most of it was Kratos.

I hadn’t made a book since I was in college despite it being one of my favorite things to do. They were never art books, just some editorial design projects that totally didn’t count. This book… would be my first-ever art book.

Several times, I came close to having enough art to print a book - the last time was my large collection of Yusuke Kitagawa, but the quality wasn’t where I wanted.  At that time, I was still experimenting with my iPad Pro and figuring out Procreate, so that was what I used him for.

NGL, I was pretty afraid of looking like a clown. After doing all this work, what if no one actually buys it? I was talking to some friends and they said they would buy it. It was enough for me. In the end, I’m creating something that I love. - The first thing I really wanted to work on was the cover. It needed to be epic but also mysterious (lol)… It was a good time to practice lighting and backgrounds. The cover had to be freaking Fantastic. I spent 3 days drawing nonstop. I was on vacation so I could spend full days just drawing. It was really intense. I would stop in the evenings to go for a run or else my legs would never get circulation again.

The hardest part was keeping it secret. I wanted to share it with the world right away bc I was so proud of it. Well, all I could do was show it to my parents and some close friends. They didn’t know who Kratos is, but it was obvious I was crazy about him.

Initially, I was doing some hand-lettering for the zine title instead of using a typeface. Tbh, I was so sure I was naming this zine “Blame Your Fate!” bc that is such an iconic line. But it just didn’t work with my cover, which looked… a little too serene for that. So… Silent Strength or Divine Strength? I asked around and got my answer.

But what size? All of my art has been on letter canvases. I wanted it to be large so you could see the details in the art. I’ll just start with that. - Luckily, I had all my Kratos-related art in one place. I started my InDesign file and threw everything in there just to see what it looked like. Man, I draw a lot of boxes… But I didn’t want them all next to each other. I also wanted to kinda organize it by the people Kratos hangs out with. There’s a Yuan section LOL… and a Lloyd section… and an Anna section. Idk, I tried to get some kind of order in there with a sprinkling of full spreads here and there to keep it fresh and interesting for the eyes.

I hadn’t worked with InDesign on such an intense level since college. I forgot all of the tips and tricks we learned in class. Spent some time reading on how to do things again… like adding page numbers. - I started drafting my pre-order form. It’s my first time making a google form like this. It’s kind of fun? I spent a long time on it, despite how simple it was. This was going to be my “Store” so it had to look and sound good. - My friend introduced me to charm-making. It seemed easy enough, and I wanted to give my zine more oomph. Besides, I’ve always wanted to make a charm.

I remember someone saying they’d buy a book of just the 4 Seraphim if it existed. I like them too and they lack art imo. In the end, I decided to do a polaroid charm. It’s not really that unique but I wanted Kratos to have actual friends to hang out with for once LOL.

She was going to do a group order to try to reduce the costs. I thought maybe 4 weeks would give me enough time. In the end she said I only have 2. I work well under pressure, so needless to say, I did make that deadline. I actually sketched the whole thing on the plane headed home. - After playing the game the second time, watching the OVA again, and reading “Offerings to a Star,” I have gained a real soft spot for Yuan.  My friend once said, “If you weren’t stolen away by Kratos, you would be in love with Yuan.” Lol. I’ve been in a “Kratos and Yuan hanging out” mood lately, so of course I needed something good for the zine. They’re so cute together! Now… what is the bro-est thing I can draw?

I was currently in Florida for my friend’s wedding. I was friends with the groom and his best man since high school, so that makes it 10 years now. Seeing how they’re still friends after all this time, despite living in opposite sides of the country, was really moving to me. Of course, me being me, I could see Kratos and Yuan’s long friendship being similar to this, if they had gone to school together. I just had to draw it. - When I got back from vacation, I did some research on zine sizes. Mine was HUGE compared to others. I just didn’t quite realize it until I held a magazine in my hands. It really is huge…

I settled for a medium size. 7x9. I really liked how it looked. Petite but not too petite. Unfortunately resizing my book had messed up my artwork placement so I spent hours rearranging all the text and resizing my images. I found out afterwards that there’s a way to retain the format while changing the document size. Gee, that would have been helpful 4 hours ago.

Sadly, choosing a custom size booklet makes printing more expensive. But I wanted it badly enough that I’d be willing to pay for it. Letter size is just too large… - I decided to stop dragging my feet and post a promo. I just really needed a deadline for myself to get this all done before July ended. I’m happy it was well-received. A lot of people like Kratos huh…

Anyway, the pre-order is due in a week and I still don’t know what all the costs are yet. I need a physical proof ASAP to weigh at the post office! - Something possessed me one day to do another drawing. I don’t usually do painterly style (mainly because it’s really difficult and takes 10x longer) but I just REALLY wanted to push myself on this Final Piece to the zine. I wanted it to be… radiant. Almost religious. I worked on it obsessively. From breakfast to sundown. The only time I would stop was at 7pm to go running or else my legs would give out on me.

Call me crazy, but I would save my progress on my phone so I could examine it for errors during my warmup. I also spend an hour examining it for errors before going to bed. It’s a miracle I hadn’t dreamt of the painting. - I sent my files in on Sunday in hopes that they start working on it first thing on Monday…. and it HAPPENED! They finished before I even woke up. I think they start work at like 6am…

Of course, I drove over there as soon as I heard so I can get a look. “Please… please let the colors be okay,” I prayed as I was driving. I barely remember driving there, I was so lost in thought. It would be another long ordeal if I had to fix all the colors.

Thank the stars. The press proof looked BEAUTIFUL!! I was screaming to the client coordinator how much I loved it. I mean, I worried for a looooong time that everything would turn out too dark (it usually does) but it was PERFECT. I was especially worried about the cover, which contained a lot of yellow and I def did not want it to come out mustardy… But it was great in the end!

The press operator is a quiet man. He’s got a scary face and never smiles but I think he’s secretly nice. He has done a lot of favors for me in the past without my asking. He was the one to print, bind, and trim the book for me. Obviously he had to have seen what I was drawing. I wonder what he thought of it…? He walked away before I could express how happy and thankful was. He didn’t need to hear it. It was like he already knew. So cool…

I immediately took it to the post office to weigh it. I needed as much info as I could get and plus, I was dying to know for myself. This is the week I was supposed to open pre-orders and there was still a lot I needed to do. Take pictures, create mockups, pricing, etc.

NGL, all of these costs were building up fast. It was so darn expensive to make a zine while also keeping prices down. But I wanted so much more for my baby. Extra glossy cover, perfect binding!! I knew by the end of this, I probably wouldn’t make much money. It hurt a little, but I tried to think that it was for the greater good. Learning experience and all that. And creating something beautiful. Especially something beautiful of Kratos. - Pricing was really the hardest part. I pretty much threw profit out the window. However, I definitely did not want to be losing money. My dad and I had worked together to create a spreadsheet of expenses to make sure my head was above water. I followed it… loosely.

My friend came to talk to me at the right moment. I was sort of panicking at the prices. She made me realize I was thinking way too hard about it and gave me some tips based on her own experience. It really put my mind at ease talking to someone who understands my woes.

The truth of the matter is, the book is wonderfully made and has a lot of pages - countless hours of drawing. There is only so much I can do about pricing. It is what it is… I just needed to come to terms with my own worth. - Boy, what am I going to do once the zine is done? My friend says that I’ll be so over Kratos that I’ll stop drawing him (but the love remains). It’s like… all of the intense planning, working, struggling nonstop will just suddenly… stop. TBH, I’m running out of ideas. I spent it all on the zine. - Photoshoot today. I had to paint my nails purple for this occasion. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get the look I wanted in the apartment. It’s just so naked without props. I think I’ll take it to a cafe for some nicer backgrounds. I talked it over with my friend and decided to do a quick flip-through of the zine as a promotional video. I used the most professional video program I had on hand… Snapchat. It actually turned out pretty legit and of course I slapped stickers on there because it’s Snapchat.

I had to tape/hide some of the pages for the video because I wasn’t actually done with the drawings. I had the printers print it anyway so I could examine it for color accuracy.

I’m really stressed about pricing now. It turns out I had a lot more international fans than I anticipated. I wish I took notes on interest earlier in the game to cater to them. I had a list of “possible buyers” and I only just now decided to check where they live? Foolish.

I did another cost analysis on paper to figure out what my goal was to make up for the charms. Right now they’ve cost me a fortune for something that was supposed to be giveaway. Other things that rack up are packaging costs, PayPal fees, and some other supplies I needed for this project.

Maybe I shouldn’t have made it 40 pages. It is an impressive number, but no one is really paying for quantity. I think 25 is a better number lol. If I had done that, I could have had my super-gloss cover like I wanted. :’(

There is hope though. And I’ve placed it in the hands of my followers to come through for me. I think I’ll open pre-orders on Saturday or Sunday, depending on what I finish. - “Losing your cool will only lead to poor decisions.” 
Thanks, Kratos twitter bot. You always know what to say.

I read this post today on what makes people buy zines. Very interesting!
 https://twitter.com/andythelemon_/status/1141469048653398019 - Photoshoot part 2 today. My friend and I went to a cafe nearby that had some nice atmosphere in hopes of finding the right shots. I brought all of my Kratos merch just in case. I’m glad I did though, since the tables were pretty sparse and it was difficult to capture the backgrounds without getting a bunch of random people in it too.

I would have been the photographer, but I definitely wanted my hands in the shots. In a way, it was meaningful - to show that this was made by my own two hands. Plus, I wanted to depict natural interaction with the product. It made it feel real.

The photos were cute! I feared it would look a little amateurish with all the merch in there, but I think fun was what I was really going for, not “professional.” And plus the flip-through was a Snap anyway LOL. As long as the photos have good lighting and tasteful composition, you really can’t go wrong with “fun.”

Now that I’ve finished editing my photos, there really isn’t anything holding me back from opening pre-orders. I’ve pretty much come to terms with my pricing. If I fail to break even, I’ll just have to open commissions to try to make up for it. I was telling my friend on the way home, “I gave this zine EVERYTHING I had to give. So at the very least, I won’t be disappointed in myself.” No stone left unturned, no detail left unchecked. It was perfect according to my standards. I really love my zine okay?!

I thought I was crazy for not only choosing a small fandom, I narrowed it down even further by picking ONE GUY to make this zine about. She replied, “Even if it’s small, those people who love him now must be EXTREMELY LOYAL to still be in love with a character from a 15-year-old game. All of them will want your zine.” - I went to bed that night with the intention of making the pre-order post live in the morning. I was so nervous I couldn’t sleep. I was wide awake until at least 5 or 6 am. Luckily, I was able to doze off for a an hour or two before I would shake myself awake again. It was a mixture of anxiety and excitement. It was the moment of truth - to see if all my effort made a difference. Was it going to sell? - The pre-order post looked really freaking good. I’ll give it that. I even made a YT account just to post that darn preview video on tumblr lol. It was definitely fun seeing everyone’s excitement and we all just freaked out together.

I broke even! That’s what really matters. Honestly at this point, I couldn’t care less if I made profit or not. I now know how much people really like the zine and that alone made me so happy I could die.

I was particularly fascinated at Google Form’s ability to transfer all the data collected into a spreadsheet. That is extremely helpful. I spent hours organizing the data. It was really fun…?! Now I can tell who gets invoiced and who paid and separate them into categories. IT’S FANTASTIC!

Stayed up late researching how much adding tracking could be. I had a slight panic attack thinking “what if my books got lost in transit?” It would really hurt me to have to reprint books and ship them again. And then I realized I will need to fill out customs forms for all international orders. Yikes, I’m gonna be living at the post office lol. You can print them out at home if you fill out the form online but there are still some things I’m uncertain about. I may visit the post office later this week to ask all my questions. - This morning I sent out everyone’s invoices. I gave the international people the option to purchase tracking. It’s expensive… but I need to provide that option just in case.

I received a nice message from someone who offered to advertise for me on Instagram. Of course, I gave them the OK! I’m really so shocked they would do that… They said the liked the zine so much it deserved more exposure. My dude… I love you… T_T

I thought about advertising on insta myself earlier in the week. For some reason I felt it was going to be fruitless since I don’t have an art account on there with a following. So, I gave up on the idea. Hey it worked out in the end.

I’ve never been so organized in my entire life. I want this zine experience to be perfect. The people have placed their trust in me, so I cannot mess up. - Edited some pages in the zine. The typography must be perfect… It made me think back to undergrad days in graphic design school. Man, if only I can present this as a project - photos, videos, matching accessories and all. I’d probably get an A lol. - Orders slow down after the first day. The rest is just about getting new people to see the post and giving other people more time to decide.

I finished my Kratos stationery today. It’s going to be so cute. My friend said people would want to buy it but I don’t have it in me to do more products at this time. Plus, I want it to be a surprise.

Why make stationery? Well my real job (no, I don’t draw Kratos all day for a living) is a stationery designer! It would feel really wrong not to put into practice what etiquette I’ve learned in this business. Plus, I felt that it was necessary to properly thank all those who ordered. And it’s fun?

I started designing the shipping labels for the domestic orders since I don’t need to fill out a customs form for those. I wish I had sticker labels but… it’s okay. It will still look good in the end. - Every so often, I would get nervous at the amount of money I’m responsible for. Perhaps, if I had a store with existing products I wouldn’t feel this way, but the fact that the books haven’t been printed yet made me scared. I know, I need this money to even print the books in the first place, but I’m just baffled at my customers’ trust in almost a total stranger. I felt pressured that I could not let them down and lose that trust. It probably didn’t help that I watched a documentary on Elizabeth Holmes (Theranos) that day.

So, I prayed every single day that nothing would go wrong. I’d check my spreadsheet constantly for any mistakes. It was a little obsessive, but I would rather be that than overlook something.

I began collecting cardboard boxes. My plan was to cut them up to protect the books during transit. I would have preferred hard envelopes but they were a bit pricey. If I have to do more work myself, so be it.

I’ve been getting nice DMs from some buyers. I think my invoice due date scared them… I really did not intend to be strict, but I wanted people to pay now if they can rather than forget about it. This happens at work all the time, so the best thing to do is have it due immediately. It would not look good to have to wait on stragglers when I close pre-orders, so I’ll probably reach out when there is one week left. - My Kratos stationery arrived! Aww it is SO CUTE!!! My babies… I have a lot of notes to write so I got started right away. It’s going to be a lot of work trying to come up with creative ways to say “thank you,” but I don’t mind. I said I was going to put my all into the zine experience so I will.

At long last, the charm order has been put in motion. My friend said it could take a while… I hope it won’t be longer than 3 weeks. I really do not want to keep everyone waiting. I may ship out the ones who did not win a charm first. I mean, there is no reason to make those guys wait. I should ask the charm winners if they still want to wait and see if anyone wants to give it up for someone else who is more patient. Hm. - I finally stopped by the post office today to collect customs forms. I have my work cut out for me since I’m filling all of them in by hand. D:

I’m not used to international addresses so I think I’ll ask for help in checking them for spelling errors and typos. Heaven forbid I mess up on the very last part of the zine experience.

In my nervousness, I decided to reach out about invoices early on. If someone wanted to cancel, I would rather find out sooner rather than later. Everyone was really nice about paying and thank goodness they’re still excited.

Feeling kind of overwhelmed by all the things I need to do, but it’s a good thing. If I don’t know what to do, I can either: cut cardboard, write letters, type shipping labels, draw more Kratos for a… possible volume 2? Someone I talked to today already said they’ll pre-order a second book if I make one. Omg I think I’ll die. But we’ll see. It’s just a joke right now haha… - Preorders end today. I had another nightmare last night that the books could not be printed properly and there was nothing I could do. Why do I keep getting nightmares about the zine! I had one a few days before about people canceling their orders when I asked them about the invoices. I’ll take these dreams with a grain of salt. I’m probably just stressed/worried but everything is going to be okay. When I open my eyes, nothing is on fire.

I received my final proof a few days ago. With all of the artwork completed and changes applied. The book looks good, no doubt about it. There was only one thing I was nit-picky about but it can be fixed. The press operator offered to print another book for me to inspect. I’ll go see it on Monday and then submit the rest of the orders. I also asked to to have a meeting with the press operator so we are on the same page. It would be beneficial to have an understanding of how my book is made so that I may be more helpful to him.

I spent the day preparing shipping labels. I hate to admit, I am not too familiar with the format international addresses so I had an address validator open as I was typing them in. For the most part, everyone was helpful in already formatting their addresses in the preorder form! - My parents called me the day after preorders were closed. They wanted to say congratulations on my success. No one thought it would do this well. I couldn’t be offended by that since I was also guilty of it. I’m happy though. It feels like my love spread across the world and was contagious.

I tried to think of what advice I would give to others. Obviously, genuine love for the subject and hard work were a necessity. But it would be good to consider value. If I were selling it at this price, I had to make sure my pieces and presentation looked the part. I ask myself, if someone else sold it, would I buy it?

I sent out messages to all the charm winners in the morning. I wanted to apologize profusely at the ridiculous amount of time it has taken to get them made. But no, I’ve got to stop apologizing. I stated the facts and left it at that. Everyone was really kind and patient⁠—to which I was thankful for. I don’t usually get that when I’m working customer service. - All the books were done printing in one day. Wow! I went to pick it up immediately of course. I can’t believe all of this is coming to an end. I finished preparing the mailers. All that was left was to stuff and seal the domestic orders. They were the easiest to do so I’m going to ship those first. The rest will need customs forms, which I haven’t filled out just yet. It’s going to be a while for those…

The mailers were quite sturdy with the cardboard cutouts I slipped in them. I have nothing to worry about. I’m sure my babies will be okay! - I took a whole box of domestic orders to the post office today. Wasn’t sure what to expect. But my clerk had to input every single address one at a time while I checked for errors. Omg, why are the post office shipping labels SO HUGE. I thought it was going to be half the size. And they’re ruining my designer labels! Slight panic but oh well…

I had a long long line behind me. I’m so sorry, people. Luckily there were two clerks or I would be really sweating. Despite my intimidating box of zines, the clerk and I had Synergy and we managed to ship all of these in about 15 minutes. I received a very long receipt and quite the bill lol. - Shipped the international orders today. I was kind of a mess since I had no idea what to do. I keep wondering if I can help speed up the process in any way but I don’t think I have the option to ship first-class at home.

When shipping international, keep the post office copy of the customs forms together with the package since they use that to type the address info into the system. Also, we get free tracking, which I did not know about. The other clerk told me that we did not get tracking for international first-class but I guess he was misinformed. It’s good to know for next time. - The charms finally arrived!! And THEY’RE HOLOGRAPHIC?! It was pretty awesome, but it makes picture-taking kind of difficult!! Anyway, I was a tiny bit disgruntled that they got my order incorrect, and I even asked for a reprint. But they said no, so I left it at that. Besides, it seems the holographic effect was well-received.

I like this size that I made. It’s really cute! Larger than your normal charm but not too huge. It’s almost like an Instax photo! - There was one customer who I found lives near me! I asked her if she wanted me to hand-deliver it to her in a public setting and she agreed (to my amazement). We finally met a few days ago and talked for hours and hours lol! I’m glad to have finally made a new friend here in this town but of course she’s moving away in two weeks. <:’3

We’re going to meet again to make the most of her time left. - I shipped the rest of the orders on the following Monday. I HAD to get these out. The poor guys have been waiting over a month! I think I picked a bad time to go because I had a huge line behind me and only one guy working. People in line were getting antsy or mad. The clerk at the other post office was super fast but not this guy…

For some reason shipping to the UK and Japan nearly doubled in price since the last time I checked. RIP. T_T - Omg I finally made a mistake. I wrote a letter to the wrong person. And the contents of that letter are too personalized!!! I am dying of embarrassment!!!!! Screams!! Had to apologize to both customers too!!! Luckily they were good sports about it but I’m seriously kicking myself AAAAAAAA!!!! - The most rewarding part after sending all my babies away is seeing the commentary on my project. It is so so nice to receive positive feedback. People are happy! Happy with something I created out of thin air. Everything was worth it 1000 times over. I can die happy!

I’m especially thankful to those who show understanding for how much effort went into it. It definitely wasn’t easy and I poured way too many hours into it… not that I regret that.

I don’t want to jump the gun but I would really love to make a volume 2. Because I know I can do better than last time. New and improved art and comics! But we’ll see if I make enough pieces for another book. I was against printing 40 pages before but now I kind of like it. It feels more worth it than a 25-page zine. If i’m going though so much effort, might as well bring in the entire package.

I’ll be printing more of this volume for Aselia Con 2020. Now I know people will appreciate it.

[dragonpiango]

My review of 2019

January:

So I recently graduated from community college in the previous December, and I started university at HT with a scholarship for piano performance. Honestly I thought going to a HBCU was going to be weird, but turns out I’m not much of an outcast. It was a nice transition to a new setting and new people and a breath of fresh air! It was amazing having a practice room to myself and the mental thought of “getting to know my music” became a reality although my first piano lesson with my new professor was strange. His impression of me was way different than what I thought. Although he is a outstanding teacher, he might have overthought what I was capable of.... him assigning me my pieces and they consisted of Bach French suite No. 5 in G Major, Mozart sonata K.332 in F Major, Chopin Nocturne in D-flat Major, Chopin Scherzo No.2 in b-flat minor, and the most memorable piece IMHO Ravel’s Une Barque Sur L’Ocean from Miroirs.

February:

So still settling into a new university and meeting new people (although I just stayed in the music building bc that’s where all my classes were) it was Black History Month. Being apart of the choir at school and the only ensemble they offered, we were pretty busy with a lot of performances BUT it was enlightening too. Everyone has been so welcoming and coming from a background in classical music I’ve been introduced to Gospel music not only for voice, but piano. From accompanying spirituals to gospel it really has opened my eyes that music doesn’t have to be so strict. It is a way of expressing emotions and from then on I took my repertoire more seriously in the sense each piece had its own “character.”

March:

This month is a crucial one, not only did I find my “clique” at school, but they only consisted of two people. Ant and KayP. Not going to use their names but these two were the only two that understood who I was and I understood who they were. We might have drifted a little bit since one has graduated but in the mean time, during these few months, have been my shoulder to cry on. They were very talented vocalist who taught me a lot in the sense of accompanying and vice versa. Since our school is small, our “accompanist” was my piano teacher, so every rehearsal was around his schedule, until I came into the picture. They really pushed me to get out of my comfort zone and really get me to where I need to be. During this time, I was still working retail and I have a true appreciation for those who commit full time to retail because lemme tell y’all. That shit is a lot of work. Especially around holidays. Balancing out school and work was a struggle, but I managed through especially when I don’t have a piano at home. I have to go to school to practice and with retail, all my extra time would be working.

April:

By this time, everyone is stressing because of finals, but luckily since I grabbed an associates degree from COmmunity college, I didn’t have to take my core classes and cry. Music classes were all my focuses were on especially performance. I had a few performances in between for our seminar where we perform in front of all the music students, and for me, being a pianist, I didn’t have to rely on my teacher for rehearsals and accompanying. I just focused on me and this got me ready for our benefit concert that I was honored to be a part of. KayP being the current Miss HBCU and queen of the school, decided to raise money for students of troubled pasts who have really turned their lives around in college and made a great GPA would be rewarded with scholarship money that we raised. I was the one who got to close the whole show out and it truly was an amazing experience. Being able to perform for a great cause is always heart warming and I will cherish that moment forever.

May:

So the semester comes to an end and I have juries (where we perform our pieces in front of the faculty and get graded ) what I did not know is that since our school is so small, they invite and pay other professors from the biggest university next to us UT Austin and have them come sit and grade us as well. That to me was a shock moment, because coming from a university in a small town before we had enough people and knew everyone. Community college DIDNT have juries for piano which was odd, but this was a perfect opportunity to really put my hard work into good use. After juries, I did splendid with a few mistakes that I was able to recover from, and lemme tell y’all. No performance is perfect. And I have accepted that. My piano teacher hooked me up with one of his good friends who owns and directs her own music school and I became a piano teacher there. Oddly, I’m the youngest teacher there with no doctoral degree and am working on a BA still..... but none the less, this transition really opened my eyes.

June:

School is finally out, and I reduced my retail job to just Saturday. I finally got my reputation as a teacher at my new job and gained students rather quickly to where I was almost booked up Monday through Friday. With little to no teaching experience it was a trial and error process. I was taking over a studio of a former teacher who had visa issues. So all his students were a tad skeptical with me more so their parents. But after observing lessons and learning their names it was only a matter of time that I was teaching them and really became someone they look up to. It started off rocky because I wasn’t used to a build your own schedule, from what I’ve experienced with teaching at a music school is that someone does the schedule for you. Not in this case, so having to communicate and try to accommodate every students schedule was a tough start, but once I got used to it, the ride was easy from there. Unfortunately, most students were gone on vacation so I had to work with only a few who stayed in town and accommodate those who were in town for that week. That aside, my communication improved after constantly talking with parents 24/7.

July:

This is where life gets exciting. My boyfriend had surprised me with tickets to go to Chicago. I would go back because the city is amazing and food is delicious and it’s easy to get around in Chicago. It was a nice break from work and really helped me bond with my partner. During this time we had two cats. One names Roger and the other Gladys. So a little back story, when I moved in with my partner, his cats basically adopted me. Gladys was a daddy’s girl and kept to Todd mostly but she was very seeet with me and made adorable monkey noises when you picked her up and cuddled with her. She was diagnosed with cancer and the year before that we made the decision to remove her tumor and hope that she would live a healthy life. Well this is where the tumor came back full force and in Chicago, I was a wreck because I felt bad enjoying my time away and leaving her at home. My partner (who is the mature one in our relationship) had a sit down with me about what to do with her and I lost it. He didn’t want to put her down either, but it was for the best. We agreed to keep her comfortable until we knew it was time. Before the month ends tho, we are back home and my sisters boyfriend sends me a text saying he is serious about her and wants to marry her. The retail I work for is a jewelry store and he had asked me to help pick out a diamond for my sister since he knew what she wanted. So this was the good news. We find the diamond, and have it set in her favorite setting and my boyfriend who is full of surprises gets me a ticket to visit her in LA.

August:

So my birthday month is here, and I fly out to LA to deliver the ring to my now sisters fiancé and they fly out to Italy and he does the deed and she says yes. Happy note. But as school starts back up for the new semester, my partner had a issue to where he would be in a state to where he couldn’t move much due to a unusual circumstance. And before that we decided to put Gladys down. It was a tough decision but we gave her the best life we could ever had hoped for her and I was emotionally drained from everything. Having to keep a positive attitude for my students and going to school and being an adult in general. The only way I got thru this period is from my best friend and coworker who knows what it’s like to go through life and it’s always better to have an open mind and ear to talk to. I call her my mamma because she’s like a mother figure to me but also a amazing friend. Without her, I probably wouldn’t have been mentally there at all for anyone. In the time of summer until now I haven’t had a chance to practice because I forgot to mention that i had a Jr recital coming up which is why my repertoire was so big.

September:

After everything passed and I’m in a better mental state, I proceed to my schedule of school and work and find a time to practice in between. What’s great about this month is that since the semester just started, I had plenty of time to catch up on my practice and really get my lessons to become productive in shaping and understanding different musical styles. My partner is all better and life is great because I was in the best part of my life. Doing well in school, amazing texting job, and a best friend who is there for me and most importantly my partner. He’s been my rock since we first met and I can always rely on him and vice versa. He understood that with my free day off that I needed to spend it practicing and told me to go for it and be as productive as I can. I honestly wasn’t used to that kind of support but I am grateful.

October:

This is where reality hits and my recital is next month. I get very crazy about everything. I had all my music learned but because of my indecisiveness, I kept changing how I shaped everything and my mind goes blank. Probably a dark time for me because I didn’t know how to handle this kind of stress. I’ve put on hour long recitals before and the only thing different this time is that I’m getting graded and want to make such a great impression to further my education to a dictator degree. The dress was eating me alive and on top of that, one of my students decided he wants to enter in a competition and I say why not. Let’s do it. Getting him ready for that and keeping my sanity was hard to do but I managed. He did well, but not well enough to get a medal but his parents were very impressed with how quickly he progressed with me. That’s always a plus, right?

November:

The month has come for me to have my big recital and I invited all my friends and coworkers and they all made it. I was truly nervous but if you don’t get nervous, are you even human? It turned out wonderful although the first piece (Bach French suite) was shaky, I had to tell my self that I was having fun and everyone here is here to support me and want me to do well. That little talk was a confidence booster and ended the recital flawlessly. After my recital, my job has their student recitals so my focus was all on my students doing the best they can and having fun. This month was fun because I was selected to do masterclasses for piano students through out my job and it was very enlightening to see how talented the new generation of musicians are! Only positive comments because I couldn’t honestly find anything wrong with any of the students performances and their teachers are amazing.

December:

So getting all my students ready for their recital was a big time investment but totally worth it because they all performed so well and I honestly cried bc I felt like a proud parent LOL. But after that was time for the semester to end up and one class was making me go crazy. Everything ended well and I had ALL A’s and one B but I know what to expect for next semester and everything will be great. Honestly this year has me all sorts of fucked up with emotions and I proved to myself that when I stay committed, I can really achieve what I want. This year was a great year for me and a way to end a decade because when 2020 starts, I know what I need to do and where I need to be.

[yjsangjun-blog]

                       𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖓𝖌 — 𝖇𝖆𝖊𝖐 ‘𝖘𝖆𝖒’ 𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖏𝖚𝖓.

hi hello. i’m cait, i’m 25, i go by she/her pronouns and i live in cst! i am a hot mess who loves causing her characters pain & angst…. i also love ruining their lives on a daily basis.

this is my babe sangjun who’s a lil bit messy ( much like most of my characters ) and you can find basic stats / bullet point bio / basic personality info / basic plot ideas & stuff like that for him under the cut! if you want more in depth info message me bc honestly this intro post is … oof !!! it’s also kinda long so lemme apologize for that as well !!!

but i am super excited to be here and i can’t wait to plot with ya’ll & love your babies !!!! if you’d like to plot, please feel free to IM me on here, ask for my discord or like this post & i’ll come to you !!!

tw: mentions of alcohol / alcoholism, drugs / drug abuse, bullying & violence.

                                         BASIC INFO ( PT 1. )

FACECLAIM: min yoongi + suga + rapper. CHARACTER NAME: baek 'sam' sangjun. PRONOUNS: he/him. GENDER: cismale. AGE/BIRTHDAY: twenty-six. + june eleventh. ZODIAC SIGN: gemini. ROOM: haean + 2e.

                                           OTHER INFO

POSITIVE TRAITS: determined, hard-working, charismatic & adventurous. NEGATIVE TRAITS: hedonistic, short-tempered, impulsive & blunt. OCCUPATION: bouncer at club arena / underground fighter. ( future ceo ) SONG THAT DESCRIBES THEM: i'm not sorry - dean. HOW LONG HAVE THEY LIVED AT THE YUJAEN?: six years. FOUR MUSE AESTHETICS: leather jackets, bruised knuckles, blurry evenings, late night snack runs.

                                      BASIC INFO ( PT 2. )

full name: baek sangjun. nickname(s): sam, san, jun. hometown: seoul, south korea current location: yongsa, south korea. ethnicity: korean. nationality: korean. gender: cismale. pronouns: he/him/his. orientation: pansexual. occupation: bouncer / underground fighter. language(s) spoken: korean, english, japanese, spanish, french, chinese.

                                PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim: min yoongi. ( suga ) of bts. hair color: frequently changes, currently platinum blonde. eye color: brown with a small hazel ring. height: 5'10". weight: 169. build: athletic. tattoos: he’s got a few stick-n-poke tattoos scattered across his body, though most aren’t visible when he’s wearing clothing. piercings: these, double helix in left ear & tongue.

                                             HEALTH.

physical ailments: alcoholism, allergies, drug abuse, lactose intolerance. neurological conditions: back pain / muscle spasms, carpal tunnel. allergies: shellfish, pollen, mold. sleeping habits: all over the place, usually tosses & turns for a while before falling asleep. rarely gets more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night. eating habits: horrible, relies on fast-food & take-out most of the time. loves 'comfort foods’. exercise habits: goes to the gym at least three times a week, less if he’s been in back-to-back fights. body temperature: hotnatured. addictions: alcohol, tobacco, cannabis, gambling, sex. drug use: frequent. alcohol use: frequent.

                                       PERSONALITY. ( PT 1. )

label: the cataclysmic. positive traits: determined, hard-working, charismatic & adventurous. negative traits: hedonistic, short-tempered, impulsive & blunt. fears: heights, flying, confined spaces, drowning, commitment. hobbies: arcade games, astronomy, billiards, board games, boxing, card games, comic books, cooking, motorcycles, poker, reading, video games, weight training, yoga. habits / quirks: believes in demonic possession, believes in ghosts & spirits, believes in karma, carries a 'lucky’ item with him everywhere, fights for animal rights, fights for gender equality, fights for human rights, fights for the legalization of cannabis, fights for marriage equality, meditates, always has change in his pockets, owns an outrageous amount of shoes, counts stairs, experiences episodes of depression, boxes, collects packs of playing cards, doodles on everything, gardens, loves board games, paints, plays with fire, plays poker, plays video games, randomly wanders around when bored, sings well.

                                               FAVORITES.

season: fall. color(s): army green, black, red, gray. music: all genres, doesn’t care for country. movies: action, comedy, horror, suspense. sport(s): hockey, basketball, baseball. beverage(s): whiskey, soda. food: comfort foods. animal: dogs.

                                                    FAMILY.

father: baek jaejin, sixty, ceo. mother: baek chansook, fifty-four, ceo. sibling(s): younger sibling, nineteen. children: n/a. pet(s): a siamese cat named ramen ( back at home with his parents ), a bengal cat named shiva ( back at home with his parents ) & a seven month old austrailan sheppard puppy named indy ( lives with his sibling. ) family’s financial status: upper class.

                                                   EXTRAS.

mbti: entp-a. ( the debater ) enneagram: type 8. ( the challenger ) temperament: choleric. hogwarts house: slytherin. moral alignment: chaotic neutral. primary vice: wrath. primary virtue: diligence. element: fire.

                                                BIOGRAPHY.

born in seoul, south korea.

parents were very well known ceos, both running very successful corporations.

and of course, they wanted sangjun to follow in their footsteps.

parents were pretty strict and didn’t really allow him to do well.. anything.

however, they did buy him whatever he wanted and spoiled him in that way.

and due to both of those things combined, he started to rebel at a really young age. ( i’m talking like 10 )

so he’d sneak out, graffiti people’s houses and break things and the likes.

never got caught for it, though, knowing that if he did his parents would have kicked him out and probably disowned him for his behavior.

but one of the reasons he never got caught being a rebel was the fact he was bringing straight a’s in school, was always the very top of his class and from his parent’s perspective? he was a model child.

however, he hated that, hated having to live under his parent’s shadows and be this cookie-cutter version of himself they wanted him so desperately to be.

but he played it off, juggling the 'angel’ side of him with the rebellious tendencies that continued to grow worse and worse with each passing year.

god, high school was so different, though. he’d rebel more and more every single day, pushing the limits of getting caught.

however, word got out pretty quickly about just how wealthy his family was and kids started to bully sangjun for it, causing his anger to get the better of him until he lashed out so bad it landed one of those bullies in the hospital for copious amounts of injuries.

of course, his parents were pissed. grounded him for a solid month and in that time, he learned each and every way he could sneak out of his house at night, wandering the streets of seoul at all hours.

one of those nights he happened to run into a group of people who also went to his school, but instead of them bullying him for whatever reason, they commended him on standing up for himself like he had & told him there was a way to let out the pent up aggression that ended up sending a kid to the hospital.

his curiosity was lit up that night, eager to figure out what the hell they were talking about and a few days later, he was introduced to a scene that’d become far more intoxicating that anything he’d ever experienced before.

underground fighting. no rules, no shadows he had to live under, tons of money for each win under his belt? it was the life he never knew he wanted, but the second he got a taste of it, he wanted more.

so those late night strolls turned into him sneaking out of the house only to meet up with his new group of friends, all of which were clad in full black outfits .. traveling to some random person’s basement ( or abandoned buildings of numerous kinds ) only for sangjun to be able to release every single bit of pent up aggression he carried out on some stranger who’d never remember his name.

his parents? they were just as clueless as before, though, sam continuing to excel in school as well as his fights so much so that he found the perfect balance.. learned how to hide the scrapes and bruises from his mother & father all while continuing to be the top of his class.

not to mention he was juggling all of that and his acting career all at once, trying to hide certain things from his parents and the rest of the world because he knew it’d ruin his reputation.

however, due to the amount of stress that sat upon sam’s shoulders on a daily basis, he let himself slip up on his 21st birthday, parents stumbling into his apartment only to catch him drunk & high with a bunch of strangers surrounding him.

it was a moment he’d been scared of his whole life, worried his parents would just disown him right then and there...

but in all honesty? it was the most freeing night of sam’s life.

he didn’t have to pretend to be someone he wasn’t anymore, didn’t have to pretend to be a pure and innocent little thing who never did anything wrong. didn’t have to live up to the high expectations he’d set for himself so many years ago and god, he was hooked.

his parents not disowning him and continuing to pay for everything he wanted only fueling him to continue the downward spiral, living his life to the fullest, doing whatever the hell he wanted to... whenever the hell he wanted to.

                                      PERSONALITY. ( PT 2. )

hides behind a wall of sarcasm, cockiness, anger and lust.

doesn’t really care to get to know people and had a tendency to push people away before they get too close to him. ( though it’s all a ruse. )

wears glasses to read and mess w computers, but hates them a lot and probably won’t wear them if people are around.

has two different wardrobes, one for when he’s around his parents. that consists of suits & dressy attire. and then one for when he isn’t that consists of ripped jeans, t-shirts, sweats & everything in between.

is …. stubborn as hell and refuses to ask for help with anything.

his motorcycle is literally his baby ??? like he ?? has a problem ??

fluent in a lot of languages, picked them up so that he didn’t need translators at his parents meetings and the likes.

lowkey worried that people will figure out that he’s actually v scared & stressed on the inside because that’ll cause him to start having to deal with his feelings, and he doesn’t wanna do that.

is the biggest flirt you will ever meet?? like if he’s speaking to you… its usually flirty as hell unless it has to do w business ( both his parents & his fights ) or he’s just known you for centuries ?

will try to get everyone to go to bars n parties with him because that’s his life in a nutshell ??

drinks..heavily..  like every night?? it’s a problem tbh.

nerd on the inside though like owns so many comic books, loves to play video games, read books, plays piano.. loves to sketch, paint & the likes.

he cares… god he cares so much about people and the world but he pretends to hate everything because it’s easier than letting people in.

full of horrible and cheesy pick up lines and jokes and frequently texts people said pick up lines and jokes.

owns a book that is full of nothing but blank pages and keeps it on his coffee table because he ‘relates’ to it.

is a highkey hoe but he tries to keep it on the dl ( he fails… miserably. )

super into fitness as it’s a way to keep him away from drinking every evening. ( that doesn’t work for him tho, oof.. )

also has bruised knuckles 24/7 & some other injuries he gets from his fights, plays it off like he’s just clumsy.

anger issues af. needs to get them in check.

actually super kind and caring once you’re able to see get past his wall?? which is really hard tbh but if you’re able to? he’s so loyal and caring it’s unreal.

has a bad habit of smoking whenever he’s stressed out, which is usually all of the time so he smokes…. more than he should ( though he won’t admit to being stressed out,,,,, ever in his life. )

highkey into cuddling and all the cute shit like that but would literally never tell a soul because then they’d see that he isn’t the ‘hardass’ he pretends to be on a daily basis.

is a burnt cupcake who has 'decent’ intentions but has extremely horrible execution skills.

                                                 PLOT IDEAS.

bad influence. ( on your muse. )

best friends.

childhood friend.

competition.

confidant.

cousin.

current hook up(s).

drinking buddies.

drunken hook up.

enemies that used to be friends.

enemies.

exes who ended on bad terms.

flirtationship.

frenemies.

friendly competition.

friends that used to be enemies.

friends with benefits.

good influence. ( on sangjun. )

hate sex.

one night stand(s). ( past & present. )

partner in crime.

party buddies.

past hook up(s).

ride or die.

social media friends.

trouble makers.

unlikely friends.

[swanky-batman]

Pledge

Sirius x Reader (Harry Potter)

Warnings: Okay so I used “sad” as “depression and dark thoughts”- so it gets really dark- please be careful- and maybe feels and swearing and drinking

Anon Request:

Heyy! Can I request a Sirius x reader where she’s always smiling and super nice in public and Sirius falls in love bc of that but then when he tells her she pushes him away bc she’s sad and all that?? Thank you so much💙

Of course! Sorry this took me a little bit to get up!!

Masterlist

—-

“Lily!” You called over, running up to the group of people she was in, “I was wondering if I could borrow those notes from Potions?” You gave a small wave to everyone else she was with.

“Of course- but don’t forget next week you owe me in Herbology!” She grinned, taking out a notebook from her bag and handing it to you.

“I owe you, you’re a lifesaver!” You laughed, looking up to meet the eyes of none other than Sirius Black- one of James’ best friends.

“Skipping class, again?” He teased, an amused look passing his features.

“You know me.” You teased back, “The rebel.” You winked before turning to leave.

“I’m gonna need those back later!” She called after you and you called back, “I know, I know!”

Making your way though a crowded hall you went to your next class before having a chance to go to the library to start copying.

About an hour later as you were wrapping up, you caught the eye of Sirius again. He walked up to you within a minute.

“Does she need these back already?” You giggled, “She really needs to loosen the strings on the note lending.”

He chuckled back, “Actually, she asked me to come over this way because one of her pages ripped out of her notes into her bag and figured you needed them.” He held up a sheet of paper and you grabbed it, looking it over.

“Ahh!” Your face lit up, “This makes more sense- thanks for running this over.” You gave him a smile and he smiled back to you.

“It was no problem.” He paused, looking over your features.

“…Was there something else?” You asked after another minute of you both standing there.

He snapped his attention back towards you, “Err, no. Sorry my mind hasn’t been with me very much today.”

“No worries, mine either.” You winked, turning back to the desk, “Thanks again for this.”

“It was no problem, I was coming by here for a book.” He grinned, moving away. 

A couple of minutes later, he popped back around with Remus.

“Hey Rem, what’s up?” You looked up from the freshly copied notes.

“What is this I see, Y/N- studying?” He chuckled, pulling a seat out from across the table, “May we join you?”

You laughed back, “Please! If you guys start studying I can receive- assistance- with the correct responses.”

Sirius sat next to him, and they looked over what was due.

“Why are you behind again?” Remus’ brow furrowed.

You scratched your neck, “I was with Madam Pomfrey.” You frowned, trying to quickly change the subject, “Lily takes a lot of notes for someone who says she doesn’t care about studying.”

“Yes, indeed.” Sirius spoke up when Remus also turned silent.

After a little while with them stalling you, you insisted on getting back to work. 

“Sorry for destracting you.” Remus laughed when you tossed a quill at him and Sirius.

“I conclude you are lying to me, sir.” You winked, turning back to studying. “See you later.”

– 

Over the next couple days you went through all of the information in the notes. It was a lot to process, with all of the new stuff as well, but you thought you could get it well enough off to grasp the concepts.

Lily and a couple of people from Gryffindor joined you variously and every day at near the same time, Remus and Sirius would show up and sit down with you.

You would joke with them and eventually fall silent so you could study. They would sit there for quite some time with you. 

You walked back to the house dorm and caught the end of a conversation.

“…Look, she’s nice but I have studying and reading to do as well, Sirius.” You could swear it was Remus’ voice. “So tomorrow go alone to see her.”

You gulped, knowing you shouldn’t eavesdrop so you walked forward and into the room.

“Hey guys.” You smiled, seeing them both standing there, mouths a little open.

“Hello Y/N.” Sirius grinned and looked over to you. Remus nodded and then turned to leave. “How was studying?” He came up to you, which you assumed he would walk away after. He usually only wanted to chat when someone else was around.

You smiled and then sighed, “A lot of work- I guess I missed more than I thought.” You giggled.

He smirked back to you, “You’re always so happy.” He chuckled, “You are exceptional, you know.”

You blushed and looked down, “Oh, I’m nothing new.” You giggled again, “Besides, I’m not always happy.”

He stepped closer to you and your skin gave you a chill, making you shiver a little. He went to move a strand of your hair behind your ear and you turned a bright red.

“I admire you.”

“There’s nothing to admire.” You answered back after a moment.

He chuckled, “I do anyways.” He leaned in closer to you and you let him move your face up to meet his. His lips brushed gently against yours.

After a moment, you pushed him away. You lifted your fingers up to your face and shakily tried to breath again.

He blushed deeply, “I apologize if I hurt you in some way- I only meant to show you some of what I’ve been feeling.”

“I-” You started but tears formed in your eyes. You held them in for a moment before pushing past him and up to your bed. You tucked yourself in and cried quietly.

Tired the next morning, you felt a little drained. What does Sirius feel for you? You blushed as you thought about his actions- but what did it matter? He thought you lively and cheery. He would be disappointed with you once he knew who you were.

Over the next few days you didn’t see him- he seemed to avoid you. You thought you could both talk it out or explain to him that you weren’t right for him but he didn’t give you a chance.

You ran into Remus in the hall and he was a little awkward.

“I haven’t seen you for a little bit.” You grinned to him.

He sighed a little, “I’ve been studying- besides, err, Sirius was the once who wanted to go every day to talk.” He gave a little smile.

You frowned a little, “I know I shouldn’t get a chance or a favor from you but…” You pulled a note out of your bag, “If you could give this to Sirius, I would really appreciate it.” You grinned as he took it.

“Of course.” He smiled.

“Thanks, Rem.” You turned and walked off towards an empty field. It was rare to find a place that didn’t have a lot of students all over it. You came here often to escape the noise and get some quiet, retrain your thoughts.

About an hour later, you jumped at a noise.

“Sirius?” You questioned, your brow furrowing. He walked up to you and sat several feet away.

“You wanted to talk to me so here I am.” He frowned a little, looking down.

You gulped and he met your eyes before looking away again.

“Was I not supposed to meet you in your private place? I figured without people here it would be easier for you to torment me. Perhaps you prefer an audience after all.” He almost whispered and your eyes dropped. 

After a minute or so, you cleared your throat to respond, “I am- very sorry you think of me that way. If it helps though, go ahead.” You gave a sad smile, “I- this is going to sound cliche.” You breathed deeply, “Here goes anyways- it’s not you it’s me.”

He snorted his retort.

“No, really-” You tried to compose yourself but tears started to well up in your eyes.

“You didn’t even give me a chance to explain my feelings to you before you rejected me.” He cut in for a moment. He sounded surprisingly soft. “I think I love you, you know. I think I’m almost bordering on obsession. When our lips met,” He closed his eyes, giving a soft smile and a sigh. “So what is your excuse?”

You paused, “You- you see me as this happy person?” It was a question you realized after you spoke.

“I see you-” He finally raised his eyes, “In many ways- a person I can admire, can trust, someone I have known for quite some time. One I always wanted to be close to but never could understand why. I’m attracted to you- like a moth to a flame. You interest me, keep me on my sarcastic toes and throw a decent bit of sass in my direction, but never mean. Beautiful, beyond intelligent. Someone I truly find amusing.” He paused, looking down and hurt, “Do you ask so you might gain insight? Or to quote me later to other people?”

A tear escaped you, “If you think me the latter, you do not know me at all Sirius Black. Although, from the compliments you give to me of all people, I might not be far off in saying that.”

“How would you describe yourself, then?” He asked, slightly annoyed.

You waited, looking out into the calm breeze of a darkening field. “A fake.”

He remained quiet with you for so long you began to wonder if he had heard you or cared. The peace was nice, though. No fighting or arguing.

“You look genuinely happy when you’re around everyone. Are you sure you aren’t confusing your thoughts and your emotions?” He finally answered, soft again.

You didn’t want to answer, didn’t plan on it. Maybe he sensed that, so he asked another question.

“Why did you miss some school? You said you were with Madam Pomfrey…”

It was your turn to snort, “If I told you would you be gaining insight? Or quoting me later to other people?” Another tear dropped from your eyes- the sight Sirius was probably getting. You shot a look over at him to find a less pitying look than you expected and more of a sympathetic look- one of genuine interest. You sighed, “I was with her to try and work on-” You bit your lip, “Some dark thoughts I had been contemplating.”

“Thoughts of…?” He prompted after more minutes of silence rolled by.

“Depression, mainly.” You almost blurted out, saying them out loud made them more concrete. 

His eyebrows raised in surprise and you saw him turn his gaze back on you out of the corner of your eye. You were looking out further, wishing you weren’t having this discussion with another human being- anyone. It was already embarrassing enough that Madam Pomfrey and some teachers and the headmaster knew- now students around the school would be looking at you, judging you.

He sat with you for some time as you silently cried. Before you had noticed, he was sitting very close to you, stroking your back in a soothing manner. 

“I see so much more than that in you-” He spoke after you seemed a little more calm.

You were sure your face looked puffy and red but he still looked at you like- like he accepted you. That he loved you.

“I have a lot to work out, Sirius. I’m a mess.” You shook your head after you found yourself drawing closer to his lips. “I can’t right now.”

He nodded, “Do you have romantic feelings for me?”

Your eyes subconsciously met his lips and you warmed at the sensation they caused as they ran over yours. You nodded and looked down.

“Well,” He tried to hide it but there was a smile and a pick up in his tone that was evident. “If you are sure that you can feel for me in that way… then I will wait.” 

Your eyes raised to his again, a little wide.

He chuckled, “I will wait and compliment and cheer you on until you see the person everyone else sees in you. A wonderful, caring, gentle person.” He brought your hand to his lips, giving it a slight peck. “This I do pledge.” A grin spread across his face, making one on yours as well.

“You are quite a dork.” You giggled.

“I am indeed.” He grinned, pleased he was able to make you laugh.

–

He kept his pledge, helping you along the way and making you fall madly and utterly in love with him for everything either of you were and would be.

———–

*end note* Mental illness is not a joke and should one have it, you should seek help. YOU ARE NOT ALONE -and- NO ONE HATES YOU OR SHOULD JUDGE YOU FOR WHAT YOU FEEL.

There are numbers and support in various ways- if you ever need someone to be a non- biased third party or to help you in any way please let me know.

*end small rant*

———–

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[princesssteve]

The Widomauk server continues to be a notable influence on my writing and now we have chapter 2.

Title: Caleb Widogast Needs Help

Ship: Widomauk

Fandom: Critical Role

Words: 3,221

Rating: Pg-13. There is mention of drinking and whiskey dick???

Chapter One: Here

Original Prompt: By Weed Nephew – “au where molly delivers like 90% of calebs food bc he only ever orders from one place and he eats there almost every day & molly likes getting to see him but is genuinely starting to get concerned bc this cute man is going to die of eating nothing but takeout 24/7”

Chapter Two: Caleb goes out drinking with Mollymauk. Everyone is a drunken disaster but like... charmingly so.

He had stood, lo mien in hand and what he knew to be a dumb look on his face, watching through the half-opened door as Molly sauntered away with all the ease and grace of someone who genuinely did not care. He watched and tried, desperately, to think of a way out of this.

Molly knew where he lived and had access to his phone number. Further, the tiefling did not strike him as the sort to be willing to let him beg off with a bullshit excuse. Not for this. Caleb closed the door and turned to press his back against the wood, cool and solid in a way which was not helping at all. The house was as dark as he could stand to keep it – saving on electricity in every way he could to help fuel his lo mien addiction. It wasn’t even good lo mien. It tasted rather like it was the reheated leftovers of a meal the Riverworks staff had last week and then sent along to him. But it was easy. It was good enough to sate the needs of his traitorous stomach and didn’t have to be reheated once it went cold. It let him focus, let him work, let him do more-

Caleb breathed, slow and through his nose, and pressed his shoulders back against the door as carefully as he could so as not to startle Frumpkin. Something in the vicinity of his spine popped, loudly, and he did his best not to wince. He’d been slumping over too much. Again. Nott had been giving him the look of mildly hypocritical disapproval for days, but he hadn’t heeded it. Oh well. He had… they had plans now. An excuse to get out that would not let itself be excused away. Caleb huffed out a breath again, reaching his free hand up to gently attempt to force the worried crinkle of skin from between his brows. It didn’t work, but it was grounding. It reminded him that he, somehow, was this mess of anxiety and thoughts and worries wrapped undeniably in a physical form. A physical form that needed a shower.

It just seemed like such a waste of time. If wasn’t like he hadn’t bathed in recent memory, it was just that he hadn’t in… most likely a few days. He curled a finger in his ginger hair. Most likely called such due to the red ginger plant -alpinia purpurata-, which were a vibrant red and spikey. Native to newly occupied areas during the 18th- Caleb mentally shook his mind from that path, reminding himself not very kindly that no one cared about his random tidbits of knowledge. Hair was wrapped tightly around his finger and he focused back on that. It wasn’t awful, but he could feel the sweat and oils from the few days he’d forgone bathing. The texture of lank hair sent an uncomfortable roll down his spine and now that he was directly aware of it, Caleb knew he’d have to shower. Molly hadn’t seemed to mind, but Caleb was only partially sure that his quip about this being a date was a joke.

He pushed himself off the door, shifting his raised hand from his hair to steadying Frumpkin as he shuffled carefully past not quite teetering piles of books that lined the hall. Nott sat on the floor in the kitchen at the end of the hall, surrounded by a near to obscene collection of buttons that she was carefully cleaning and inspecting one by one. There were piles, clearly some sort of organization that simply escaped him, and she looked up from straightening one to shoot him a sharp smile.

“Your dodecah-whatever glowed at me,” she supplied, jerking her head toward the gentle grey light of his latest obsession. The first time it’d sparked and glowed she’d had a near to panic attack, shooting it with a crossbow she kept stored and then yelling for him when shooting it hadn’t made it stop. The glow was old news now, random and seemingly without reason in a way that frustrated him to no end.

“Ah, jah. It does that,” He returned needlessly, setting the bag of lo mien before her. They were probably out of forks and he needed to do dishes, but there was just so much else to focus on. Caleb shifted his eyes from the only just overfilled sink to Nott, watching as she pulled out a styrofoam container and plastic fork with triumph in her expression. Oh. Yes. Of course. The goblin, long green hair hanging in heavy locs that could be handsome dreads if either of them had the patience to twist and maintain them properly, returned his gaze – long noodles already half hanging from her mouth of sharp teeth.

“Ou wan some?”

Caleb looked away, uncomfortable but not with her. Just. In general. “Nien,” He replied after a moment’s hesitation. “You eat first. I’m… going to shower. We uh… we have plans. With some friends. Tonight.”

Nott swallowed, and he did not have to look to see the incredulity of her expression. “We have friends?”

“We do! Apparently. They want us to go drinking tonight. Mr. Mollymauk and… his retinue.”

“Do we want to go drinking with them?”

“He has my number. And address.”

“I have a cross bow.”

Blue eyes snapped to her in a knee jerk reaction of panic, Caleb taking a step towards her as if to stop her right this moment from shooting someone who wasn’t there. “No, no, no, no, nien. We are not shooting them.”

She studied him a moment, slowly returning her hand to her fork and dinner. “So you do want to go then.” It was structured like a question but said as a statement. Caleb wasn’t sure if that was reflective of Nott’s tenuous grasp on common or a judgement she was making. He wanted it to be the former, but knew she was entirely too smart for this to be true. She knew. Maybe not entirely, but she knew.

“I think it… could be good for us. To speak to other people. People we are not robbing, or doing,” he gestured vaguely to the dodecahedron which returned his gesture with a faintly diminished glow, “that for. To have some fun.”

“Are they paying for our drinks?”

“It was insinuated.”

She gave a put-upon sigh that was very badly acted, returning to her food. “Okay. We can go. I’m not showering though.”

He waved off the statement easily, sure it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Nott was always better about her self-care than he had ever been. It would sting considering her phobia of water if he was in the mood or position to care. As it were, he had entirely too much bouncing around in his mind to give much of a shit about his failure to person. He’d always been bad at personing, this should come as no surprise to him.

Later, sitting with a dark head of hair on his shoulder as the woman it was attached to waxed poetic about girls, Caleb reminded himself that he was really, really bad at personing. He took a long drink of the swill this place called beer and tried not to think about it.

Molly had come, as promised, and ushered them both into his car with a deep bow and relish like he was the driver of some grand stretch instead of a beaten Saturn. He’d taken one look at Nott -and Caleb hadn’t thought it would be a problem but maybe he really should have considered the possibility- and waved her into the backseat with a throw away “Takes all types my dears.” He did not explain what it took all types for, but Caleb pretended to not let the hanging statement bother him. The car had slowly gotten more and more full as people forced their way into the backseat with every stop Molly made. Luckily, everyone seemed to like each other. Even more luckily, any movements made to join himself and Molly in the front had been cut off with charming ease by the tiefling and Caleb was… Well. He wasn’t comfortable. But he wasn’t panicking.

By the time they’d arrived at what was absolutely the most divey dive bar he’d ever seen, there were seven of them, five in the backseat alone. Nott had very quickly made an unholy alliance with the blue tiefling whose lap she’d been shuffled into, and in turn the half orc man who held them both in his lap. Fjord was his name, and he’d had an awkward stumble to his southern drawl as he introduced himself around Jester- hands hovered over her hips. It was by no means safe, and the weight of the car was wildly unbalanced, but they’d gotten there in one piece.

They’d gotten there, and they’d gotten very, very drunk. The only other human in the group, a younger woman named Beau with an abrasive approach that reminded him of Nott, had ended up latching onto him – perhaps recognizing that they were both equally bad at love or maybe simply for the familiarity. She’d gotten three beers in before girls had come up, but the subject had not left since. She rambled, making sense in only the loosest terms, about women in general. And one woman in particular. A woman who, judging by the stiff hold of her admittedly impressive shoulders and the dusting of charming pink across her cheeks, could absolutely hear them.

Caleb didn’t think it mattered much to stop Beau. She was having fun very harmlessly, and Molly’s warning from before suggested this was common. Instead he met the eyes of the large woman, holding the contact despite the discomfort it brought him, and lifted his drink in her direction. Solidarity. Awkward, awkward solidarity. The woman, Yasha he reminded himself, returned his gesture with a nod and from his place sprawled across her shoulder Molly downright giggled. They were all drunk disasters, as promised.

At some point Nott had dragged away their DD, the blue tiefling who had expressed a gentle discomfort with drinking that spoke of experiences. They had gone off to do something, and Fjord had followed after like a very concerned duckling as they cackled away. Now it was just the four of them, not really sitting together but also not sitting apart, as Beau rambled about the arm muscles of a near to goddess named Yasha.

It was all… very charming. Caleb couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so comfortable with anyone, let alone this many people. And while he wouldn’t dare to say he was well and properly… comfortable… he was closer to it than he’d been in a long time. It hadn’t been since. Since he was much, much younger and fancied himself in love.

He never did know, now that he was far enough removed to consider it, what it was about her that he was in love with. Astrid. He wasn’t over her, not by a long shot. You never really got over people you once loved, you just learned to miss them less. He had learned to miss her less so well that sometimes he could even think about the moments he hadn’t loved her. The moments that hadn’t left his heart clenched and his breath short and wild. It was when he thought of these moments that he wondered. By any stretch women had never quite been his cup of tea, romantically speaking. But she had been an exception. Had it been her? Or had it been the way she was with him? Gentle and guiding, but still pushing him further. She would lead as they danced, in more ways than the literal, but he had still danced when he was with her. Had that been what he loved? Or had it just been her? Was there a difference?

His eyes burned, and Caleb realized with a start that he was drunk. Way too drunk to be thinking about this. He looked up, as far up as he could reasonably excuse as being socially acceptable, in the hopes that gravity itself would stave the sluggish tears where he could not. Instead he met red. Molly. Molly was looking at him, his coat slung over the back of his chair and his smile soft with drink and something he couldn’t read. Something almost like concern, or affection, or a mixture of both. He looked away, settling his eyes over Molly’s shoulder and letting his breath out slowly. The emotion in his gut wasn’t quite under control before Molly stood, graceful in his drunkenness as he let the waves only he could feel take his body in a way that almost seemed sensual. Or maybe Caleb was just drunk and far more interested than he should be.

“Alright you twat, my turn. Switch cuddle buddies!” The purple tiefling stood next to them, tall but not towering. Beau narrowed her eyes in suspicion and tightened her grasp on Caleb’s arm despite the way the rest of her immediately leaned a little more toward Yasha.

“Why?” She asked, the headstrong aggression of her default sober softened into an almost pout.

Molly huffed, all drama and jutted hip. “Because,” he stressed, “that’s my date you’re macking on. I blackmailed him into coming out, I want me some cuddles.”

“We’re talking.”

“He’s gay.”

Caleb didn’t correct him, didn’t know if he needed to. Didn’t know if it was true. His gut twisted.

“So am I!” Beau continued, clearly not noticing his vague distress. Maybe he was hiding it well. Maybe no one knew. The gentle cast of Molly’s gaze over his features suggested otherwise.

Molly shifted his weight to his other hip and jerked his head very pointedly at Yasha, who watched with equal parts understanding and discomfort. Truly, she was one of Caleb’s people. “So are you,” he agreed with a sharp annoyance.

Beau followed his gesture, remembering who exactly she was switching to, and sat up properly. She spared his arm a parting pat as she stumbled to the other side of the table and bodily threw herself into Yasha’s side. Yasha did not move, although a small smile did turn at the corner of her lips as Beau clung onto her arm and began blathering about needing to be carried. His attention was torn away from the image they made – admittedly quite the cute one – as Molly settled on his other side. He was close, but not touching yet and Caleb noticed that he had brought his beer with him.

“Better?” Molly asked, head tilted to the side inquisitively. His hair fell in short, purple curls between his bejeweled horns in such an artistic way Caleb thought briefly that he was like a painting. Exquisite and rich and colorful and in no way meant to be touched, particularly not by someone like him who burned so easily from his fingertips.

He stared, and beer loosed his tongue before he could think to stop it. “Not really.” Caleb looked away from the flash of concern in vibrant red eyes, instead staring defiantly at his hands wrapped around the chipped glass stein his beer had been served in. “It was not her fault. I was just thinking. About… things that are better left un-thought about.”

Beside him Molly hummed and eased himself to lean gently against his side. There was no way to settle his head without stabbing Caleb’s shoulder with his spiraled horns, but the warm press of another body against him was not unwelcome. Tieflings ran hotter than most, something about the hellfires in their blood or some other vaguely racist wives’ tale. “Wanna talk about it?” He asked, voice rolling like spiced honey with care and caution so overwhelmingly obvious in his tone that Caleb felt his cheeks heat in shame.

He glanced to the side to hide it.

“Nien. I am fine.”

“You sure?”

Caleb dared a glance back at him, wondering if Molly’s face would hold the same careful condescension he’d seen in countless strangers’ faces during break downs and anxiety attacks and moments of fierce hyper fixation. None of them had intended to understand when they'd asked. It did not, and for a brief moment his mind pipped up. Tieflings are largely immune to fire damage, with very few examples of diluted blood removing the racial advantage. This was first observed in- No one cared Caleb. Pay attention.

Blue eyes flicked to Molly’s proper, meeting his gaze head on. He was concerned, clearly, but not demanding. Not condescending. Just… there.

Caleb swallowed and made himself smile. It hurt, a little, and it felt wrong. Even he could feel that it was a bit angry, a bit broken. But it was true. “Nien, nien. I just need to… not think. For a bit.”

Molly’s returning smile was far easier, and far more beautiful as he sat upright to reach for his mug. “Sounds to me then like you’re not drunk enough.” Molly offered his mug to him, raised expectantly. “Cheers?”

“Ah. Cheers. Did you know the custom of touching glasses originated in ancient human society? It evolved as a way for a host to put his guests at ease, by serving everyone drinks from the same carafe and – ah. I am… rambling. No one cares.”

Molly blinked and leaned in, resting his chin on Caleb’s shoulder with the same easy, beautiful smile. “No, no. I do,” he corrected in a tone that was entirely, confusingly genuine. “It’s interesting. I always wondered but never bothered to find out. Go on.”

He blinked in response, slow and off kilter. Tieflings are immune to fire damage. His mind supplied, and this time Caleb leaned into the thought. There was a twist of emotion deep in his gut still, but not entirely her. Some of it was gentle affection. A soft thought of ‘Oh. That’s cute’. A gentle linger in the way his eyes caught on purple curls twined around large horns and sharp fangs peeking just behind lightly chapped lips. He focused for a moment, on a place lower, but found that he had likely already drunk his way into whiskey dick. For all the gentle interest and slight stirring there was no response. Generally, not great. But right now, it was somewhat reassuring. There was only so much damage he could do to their relationship. Drunk as he got, there was only so much his mind and particularly body would allow.

His fingers birthed flames, but tieflings were immune.

Caleb swallowed, and saw the way Molly’s eyes followed it – feeling his gut twist just a little bit more. He raised his glass and drank deeply, then bumped their mugs together as gently as his drunken hands would allow before Molly could look disappointed. “Ah… the host would drink first. Like that. To show the drink was safe. Before raising their cup to the guests and inviting them to drink in good health.”

Molly leaned his head forward, pressing lips into his shoulder in a brief kiss that burned through his coat before pulling back to raise his glass. “To our good health,” he returned with a sardonic smile that Caleb felt to his soul. “Eventually.”

[anondt-blog]

Obsessed 2/?

A/N: Hi friends! Here it is, another Tuesday, another chapter of Obsessed! I received such great feedback from y’all , so I’m hyped to be releasing this chapter bc I personally think it’s better than the first, lol I have NOOOOO idea when the next chapter will be up, I have a huge term paper and finals and college and YEAH, but I’ll keep you updated... if you care... OKAY ENOUGH TALKING I HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT! Thank you so much for even reading like ty ty ty ty ty <3 - A

Warnings: Cursing

Word Count: 3,672 As if a jolt of electricity had ran through my body… 
 “Oh, shit…” I thought to myself. And that thought must’ve been written all over my face because Tate O’Connor, captain of the Long Valley lacrosse team, thought it would be wise to announce the expression I had on my face. 
 “Not gunna sit with your butt buddy Dolan, Alexia?” 
I abruptly turned my head to give Tate the death stare. 
Mr. Woods, my anatomy teacher, added, “Miss. Fahl you’re already a few minutes late to class, have a seat next to Grayson please.” 
I really wanted to do anything but have Grayson as my lab partner for the remainder of the year. I wasn’t ready whatsoever to confront what happened over the summer, at least, in this exact moment. 
“Well, I was thinking Mr. Woods…” I grabbed Sarah Linesman’s shoulder and continued… 
 “I think Sarah and I could really break the house down this year as lab partners, don’t you agree Sarah?” My expression was clear, it read, “just go with it,” but I hadn’t talked to Sarah since freshman year when we had algebra together, and it was only to copy off of her when I wasn’t paying attention in class. 
 Sarah whispered to me, “Um… what are you doing?” I laughed like Sarah had reiterated something funny to me, trying to play as cool as I can, which obviously wasn’t working. While I nervously smiled at Mr. Woods trying to play this off, I caught Grayson in my peripheral vision trying his best to ignore the awkwardness in the air. 
With a light laugh and hum Mr. Woods insisted again… “If you’re done entertaining the class, Alexia, go ahead and take a seat next to Mr. Dolan, Thank you.” 
I lightly pushed Sarah away from me, she threw her hands up in defense as if she were to say, “what was I supposed to do?” 
I made my way to the middle row of lab tables. Taking my seat as slowly as I could, not only because of the soreness of my leg but because it was pretty obvious that Grayson and I didn’t want to even look at each other, now we were only inches apart. 

It was a whole different temperature between us. As if there was steam brewing off of our bodies. 
 Mr. Woods was continuing with his lecture about the syllabus. 
From time to time, I would hear Grayson’s obnoxiously loud sighs, or I would catch him playing with his pen, his arm muscles bulging and the veins in his hands becoming more prominent due to the increased blood flow. 
 
My back was straightened, my arms and legs crossed. Not bothering to make notes because my mind was going too fast at this moment. 
Maybe I could switch classes, or maybe he would try to. We were seniors, after all, and we got priority over every other class. Although, I do remember Grayson and I both discussing last year about how we needed anatomy. And from further information, I recalled there was only one other anatomy class, but it had been full. 

 Fuck. Think, think, think. 

I shifted my eyes to my left sneakily. Grayson’s arms spread apart, his hands meeting his chin. Probably thinking the same exact thing. Were we really going to be stuck together like this for the rest of year? 

 My thought process was suddenly interrupted when Mr. Woods announced, 
“Okay, boring lecture over. If you could I would like for you to get to know your lab partners if you don’t already. When the bell rings you’re free to dismiss yourselves.” 
Chairs began to squeak and feet began to hustle. Grayson’s sudden movement to the back of the lab tables with Tate threw the breeze of his scent in my face. 

“I need you to switch lab partners with me.” 

I could hear him trying to whisper, the roar of the classroom almost disabling me from hearing the conversation. 

 I heard Tate scoff, 
“What the, why? Alexia is smart, that’s a guaranteed A right there.” 
“I don’t care about how smart she is ass clown, just switch with me.” 

 I looked back slowly, catching Tate and Grayson glancing at me. Mine and Grayson’s faces almost sour to one another. Tate’s eyes shifting between us two. 

 “Um, butt buddies is a no go? If I remember correctly you and Alexia were clo-”
Grayson hushed him, 
“That’s not important, bro. Forget about all of that…” 
“Oh, so you don’t mind if I do this?” I heard Tate’s chair move. And without even looking I knew he was about to approach me. 

 Tate O’Connor. Not a bad looking guy, too bad his mouth had to compensate for the loss downstairs. It didn’t help that he was captain either, this had gave him all sorts of bragging rights. I’m being too mean. I’m sure Tate is sweet if he just gave his ego a break and thought about what he said. 

My eyes reading over the syllabus, paying no attention to when Tate sat next to me. 
“Hey, Alexia, how’s it going? How was your summer?” 
I really was on the score board for the amount of eye rolls in one day. 
 I turned my head slowly, giving Tate a seductive glance while licking my lips. 
 “Hi Tate, looking good, did you get bigger over the summer?” Keeping my eyes locked on him, playing with my hair. 
I could see Grayson’s fist clenched, and his eyes felt like darts. But knowing he was watching gave me all the satisfaction. 

 Tate ran his hands through his hair and continued, 
“Heard you’re looking for a lab partner, looks like Dolan wants to sit this one out.” 
With a hum and a nod I confirmed this. 
“No problem, see you tomorrow.” 

The bell rang, and Grayson was the first one out. 
I knew Tommy would come and see me before weights, but I wondered if I would be seeing someone else with him. 

Tate opened the door for me, and I smiled in response. 
Walking passed him to meet Tommy who was leaning against the lockers, talking with another familiar set of hazel eyes and hair that matched Grayson’s warm tones, but with added scruff. 
I approached them both, faces lighting up. 

I opened my arms towards Ethan, Tommy trying to make it a group hug. 
I pushed him aside while Ethan sucked me in for an embrace I desperately needed, laying his head on top of mine. 

“Suffocate me, why don’t you?” My voice was muffled while coming from Ethan’s chest. 
He laughed and released, 
“Oh shit, my bad.” Exchanging looks with Tommy, still smiling. 
Tommy grabbed my books so I could fix my hair while I sent a smile back. 

“Nah, it’s all good. Missed you.” Hitting his shoulder lightly. 
“Would’ve been seeing you later tonight anyways.” 
I raised my eyebrows at Ethan, trying to recollect as to why, 
“Monthly dinner thing? Your mom called my mom about it a week ago?” 

Shit. Had it been that long since Grayson and I last spoke? 

 “Yeah, it’s been awhile…” As if Ethan had crawled inside of my head and grabbed the thought. 
I looked up at Tommy, trying to find comfort through him about the whole situation. 
“Don’t feel bad, Alexia. I still love you like we were kids, punk ass.” 
Ethan’s eyes shifted from me to an approaching body. 

Tommy glanced over, his hand out stretched to meet Grayson’s. 
I tried to escape by slowly grabbing my books from Tommy so I could walk away, but his large hands prevented this. 

Like he wanted to see how awkward it could get between the two of us.  

Ethan greeted his brother, 
“Hey dude, let’s head out?” 
Grayson nodded in response, making it all too obvious that we were trying to avoid any eye contact. 
“Yeah, let’s go Reeds?” 
My head moved quickly to look at Tommy, who I knew would have defended me but this just slipped… 
“Tommy’s walking me.” I hissed, clinging myself closer to his arm. 
Looking up at Grayson, then exchanging looks with Ethan, and smiling back up at Tommy. 

“Geez, put the claws away, yeah? I’ll meet you bros there…” Always trying to make an uncomfortable situation humorous. 
Biting his lips and looking down at me, Grayson smiled back at Tommy with a nod. 
Watching the boys walk away, I sighed into my best friends arm. 
He huddled me into his chest, nuzzling my head playfully. 

“Don’t make me sit at dinner tonight please. Can’t I come over and I braid your hair and you make me that alfredo pasta that can make a nun moan?” 

Tommy hung his head back in laughter, 
“Can’t. I’ve got a date tonight.” 
 “You’re joking… who now?” 
 “Keeping this one a secret, chubs.” 

I squinted my eyes at him, thinking who was left on Tommy’s hit list. 

“Mmm… Matt Soho?” 
He looked down at me with widened eyes and with what I thought would be a gasp…
“No, you’re close though…” 

Seeing the doors to my last class in sight, I guessed another name, 

“Matt… Larson?” 
I paused, waiting for a reaction as to if I was right or not. Tommy does this thing with his eyes when he’s trying to keep a secret. They twitch just barely, but since we’ve known each other for so long, I already knew the answer. 
 “Wow, I’m impressed.” 
 “I know right, been cracking down on this case for awhile.” 

 Tommy handed me my books, giving me a genuine smile and those nice, big doe eyes again. 
I tossed my books onto one side of me so I could place my free hand on Tommy’s cheek, moving his dark, curly hair behind his ear. 
“You are so beautiful, and I’m lucky to have you, you know that?” Just a hint of sarcasm leaking from my tone. 
He grabbed my hand gently, bringing it to his lips, groaning into it with a smile and shut eyes. 
 “Tell me about it when we get married.” Kissing my hand, then turning me around to the doors of my next class. 

 I looked back to watch Tommy head downstairs, sticking his tongue out at me. 
 It’s true though. I really did love Thomas with everything my heart could offer. There wasn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for him, and him for me. I really was grateful to have my soul mate as my best friend. 

If you’re wondering if Tommy and I had ever been intimate the answer is no. I didn’t look at him that way. I was there for Tommy when he found out he was gay, as a matter of fact. He didn’t know if he was or not, so in the 8th grade I planted a nice one on him. Didn’t feel a thing. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


My head suddenly bobbed from my desk when the dismissal bell rang. My eyes felt so heavy, like rocks had been taped to them. 

Leaving class I received a glare from my teacher, causing me to slightly blush and only walk out faster. Darting sluggishly and a little dazed from my hour nap and to the parking lot to meet Veronica and head home. 
Looking down at my phone and paying very little attention to what was in front of me, I ran into someone I didn’t really have the enthusiasm to talk to. 

“Alexia! I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to run into you… How have you been?” 
 Coach Madison. Sweet woman, runs the volleyball team here at Long Valley High. I’ve known her for a long time due to my involvement of the team for the last 3 years. But, it’s different now. 
“Oh shit, no, that’s my bad, coach Madison. Are you alright?” Rubbing the arm I had rammed into. 
“Oh, it’s fine, those arms are strong from all that spiking, no?” 

I laughed nervously, feeling heat rush to my face. 


 “I heard Giselle made team captain, that’s great.” My tone almost too obvious I was annoyed. 
“Yes! She did, it’s unfortunate you couldn’t come back and captain your fourth year here, I would’ve loved going back to finals with you.” 

 My eyes caught a glimpse of Veronica waiting by the car. I watched Tommy and Ethan approach her, Veronica looking a little nervous when Tommy got pulled aside by a friend. 

 “Well, it was nice seeing you Alexia, please, don’t be a stranger, you’re one of the best volleyball captains Long Valley has seen in a long time.”
 And with a sweet smile and a hand on my shoulder, coach Madison headed to the school gym, I imagine. 

 With a pit of nerves still stuck in my stomach, I was waiting to see Ethan’s other half with him, but nowhere to be found. 

Catching the end of the conversation between Ethan and Veronica, 
 “Yeah, I love when your mom makes that meat loaf,” 
“OooOh, or when she makes those biscuits and they’re all buttery…” 
I cleared my throat, making my presence known. 

“If you guys are done like… foodgasming, I’d like to go home and help ma out with dinner.” Raising an eyebrow to my sister. 
 
 “Oh, please, take it away, the sooner that meatloaf is done the better.” Ethan said with a sly smirk, eyes on Veronica. 
 “Is it just you rolling up tonight, or?” An almost awkward pause while he answered me.  
“You already know Gray wouldn’t wanna miss out on some meatloaf…”
 I squinted my eyes back at him. 
Catching the hint, Ethan cleared his throat, 
“Well, ummm… I’ll see you guys tonight?” 
Throwing a peace sign up.  Veronica and I threw the same signal at Ethan. 
I suddenly felt a pair of hands grab my waist from behind. I screamed and threw my fists in reply, knowing my punches felt something like a wet sponge when hitting Tommy’s large arms. 
“You are so annoying today!” 
“I know, don’t you love it?” Making his way to my front seat so we can head home together. 

 With Tommy’s house in view, he asked, 
“Just save me some of that meatloaf, yeah? I swear she puts crack in that shit…”
 “Only if you come over after dinner so you can come clean up the puddle of tears…” 
 “You are so dramatic, has anyone ever told you that?” 
We stared at each other for a moment, then laughed it off. 
Before driving away I waited for Tommy to make it in okay, just tradition. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

I threw my keys on the coffee table by our door, and kicked my shoes off. Veronica following my lead. 
 “Homework or nap?” 
“Before you nap you both better deal with homework before dinner starts,” my mother, Amy, scolded with groceries in her hand for tonight. 
 “Oh, yes, dinner with the Dolans, can’t wait…” carrying out my words a little too long. 
My mom squinted her eyes towards me, setting the groceries onto the kitchen island. 
 “Don’t sound so excited, I know you can’t wait to see Lisa…” 
“Ethan’s cool too,” Veronica added. 
“And Cam is just absolutely stunning, it’s too bad she’s away for college…” 
 One foot on the steps to head upstairs, carrying my books… 
“Are you both done? I’m gunna start some homework, and I’ll help set the table ma.” 
I received a loud hum from my mom, and an “okay” from Veronica. 

I threw myself onto my bed, my window still a crack open so there was a nice coolness in the air. 
I was trying to think of all the ways to get out of dinner, but a part of me wanted to confront Grayson tonight. Not like, actually confront him but, annoy him with my presence or something. Like when we were kids. 
I laughed to myself, looking up to see an old picture of Veronica and I with the boys on my desk. I mean, Ethan and Grayson. 
 And then suddenly, I felt a familiar knot in my throat. Then my eyes began to water. And I didn’t know why I was crying. 
It could’ve been for so many reasons, as if the flood gates of my mind had decided to open for a second. 
But I decided to swallow the knot, and wipe my nose with my sleeve. 
I wasn’t going to let this get to me, not tonight. Instead, I swore to myself to be neutral about it. I almost felt tired from caring about Grayson, obsessing… not tonight. Camouflage. Poker face. 
 Hours passed, and I knew it was time to help set up when my mom called Veronica and I both down to help set up. 
We probably sounded like a wild heard of elephants or gazelles running downstairs. 
In the midst of setting up, the doorbell rang and you already know who was at the door. 
Being the furthest, thankfully, Veronica opened the door, greeting Lisa. 
I peeped my eyes up for just a second to see him. 
Grayson came in last, hands in his pockets, gray hood over his head. Which Lisa tugged down once they were all inside. I kept my eyes down and continued to set the table myself while my mom and Lisa laughed and poured wine for each other. 
“Do you need help?” 
 I froze. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between Ethan and Grayson’s voice, but the gray hoodie I could see out of my peripheral vision assured me it was him. 
I looked up, meeting those eyes. 
Handing him the last couple pairs of silverware, then excusing myself to the kitchen to grab plates. 
 We all settled down and finally sat at the table to feast. 
Ethan was directly across from me, Grayson to his left. 
My mom decided to ask about school, which I knew mine and Grayson’s shared class would come up. 

In case you’re wondering, no, our mothers do not know the terms we’re on. If Grayson and I know each other as well as we do, we knew to play it off for the sake of questions about why and what happened. 
“Ethan, Grayson, any classes with Alexia this year?” Sipping her wine casually, the lighting in the room complimenting her glow she was receiving from the alcohol. Ethan abruptly raising his head from his plate of food, 
“Not me, Mrs. Fahl, but yeah I do believe Grayson and Alexia do…” looking at Grayson, signaling him to take it away. 
���Anatomy.” We said at the same time. And while everyone laughed, mine and Grayson’s expressions were flat lined. 
“I’m thinking about switching…” 
 I interrupted him. 
“Can’t. Other class is full… I checked.” sipping my water, deviously smirking. 
 Grayson’s jaw clenched and his grip around his fork tightened, his knuckles turning white. 
There was mild tension in the air, of course we were aware of it, so like the sly guy Grayson is, he decided to try and cast it away before it became too obvious. 
“That’s fine, actually, I heard Mr. Woods is an amazing teacher.” throwing his famous devilish grin right back at me. 
 Strangely, I almost felt my body shudder in response, and heat making itself known in a place I least expected to. 
 “Well, DAMN this meat loaf is good!” Ethan nearly shouting, disrupting my very short and inappropriate fantasy. 
Everyone laughed in response, dismissing the almost… sexual tension between Gray and I. Could’ve been more on my end though. 
Something about that damn smirk.  Grayson agreeing with Ethan, speaking almost gibberish with food in their mouths. 
“You’re both like hyenas! Can we chew first before we open our mouths?” Lisa nearly yelled, trying to dominate over their laughs. 
 “Sorry, mom…” Both of them mumbling, laughter still in their throats. 
“Oh, Lisa, it’s fine, they’re both just comfortable here.” 
My mom smiled, still sipping on her wine, 
“Grayson, how is Giselle? We don’t hear much about her anymore…” 
 I nearly choked on my water, coughing to disguise it. 
“She’s great Mrs. Fahl, she’s actually Long Valley’s new volleyball captain,” 
I knew exactly what he was doing. Seriously, trying to gloat about Giselle? Then rub my face in it? And I knew it was gloating because I could feel Grayson’s eyes on me once he mentioned captain. 
“That’s great, I ran into Coach Madison in the parking lot today actually, she said I was one of the best captains the school had seen…” nearly hissing back, sipping some more water to keep the heat from my throat down. 
 “Key words, had seen…” 
Tension. Noticed. 
I felt the wind from Ethan’s kick underneath the table. Grayson’s eyebrows furrowing in response to him. 
“Alexia knows I’m teasing her, like when we were kids, remember?” 
 Eyes on me now. 
 “Of course, Gray. Actually, that’s funny you mention captain because while you were wetting the bed, Tate snagged the crown.” 
 My tone almost too serious, silence in the air that literally the crickets can be heard from outside. 
“Teasing, right, Gray?” 
 My cheeks are going to be sore from all of the fake laughing and smiling. 
 “These biscuits are the best, Mrs. Dolan.” Veronica mentioned, relieving the tension from the air once again. Saving my dumb ass. 
I zoned out on my plate, the room filled with warm chatter once again. 
My eyes shifted when I noticed Grayson dismissing himself from the table and heading upstairs. 
I pushed my plate away from me and added a fake yawn. 
“Tired, honey?” My mom asked. 
“I’m gunna head to Tommy’s. He just text me to come over so it’ll be short…” I whispered. 
She nodded and smiled, almost too buzzed to care. 
“Oh! Let me pack him some meatloaf, enough for his mom too, such a sweet lady…” 
 While she was doing so, I headed upstairs, swiftly and trying not to make too much noise. 
My hand met my door knob, my eyes shut while entering my room and closing the door. 
 So I didn’t see the “surprise” sitting on my bed. 
 My heart felt like it was in my throat, and I was going to puke it up. 
The air between us felt like pine needles had been prickling me. 
 We both inhaled, the tension was so thick, we had to nearly gasp for air. 
I grabbed my things with caution almost. 
“What do you want… Grayson?” 


[blinder-s]

Rose Garden / Part Two

YO SO I HOPE U ALL LIKED THE FIRST PART BC THERES MORE COMING :-) (so i mean it sucks if u didnt)

thank u for liking it !!!! it rly means a lot life is shite nd this is what makes me feel happy so I’m gna do it more lol HOPE U ENJOY - evie XX

words: 1,302

warnings: none!

gif creds to the owner! :))))

The next couple of weeks in the library were fairly mundane and boring. You spent most of the time with Helen, gossiping about whoever she had a crush on that week and how she hated men and so on and so on. Your boss had returned the following day, so you hadn’t been expected to go and collect any fines, which was a shame since it was slightly more interesting than stacking or issuing books.

“Emillie?” You heard your boss shout from the front desk, as you and Helen were hidden behind the religion section giggling like schoolgirls, “could you come and help me please?” 

You rolled your eyes to your ginger-haired friend, who stuck her tongue out at you, before heading over to the checkout desk, where your elderly boss was drowning in customers. You hadn’t even noticed how many people were in the library, though you and Helen were sharing your sexual exploits behind the Bible.

You took your space next to Tim, your boss, and began issuing books out to customers, “name please?” You called out, not bothering to move your head up to the man in front of you. It had become a habit, but you were far too tired to smile for five hours on end.

“Alfred Solomons,” he replied, a familiar voice grumbled above you. You took his card, and looked up and the boasting figure stood before you, “nice to see you again, Emillie.”

“You too, Mr Solomons,” you said, stamping the due date in his book. One you had never expected to see a man of his characteristics read; Pride and Prejudice. You looked up at the man, an eyebrow raised.

Alfie noticed your gaze and coughed slightly, embarrassed, “I thought I’d start with the classics.” He rubbed his nose with the back of his hand, trying to cover his flushed cheeks.

“It’s my favourite,” you said honestly, biting your lip to stop the smile from breaking out on your face. His mouth broke out into the widest smile you’d ever seen on a man in your life, as you looked at him through your lashes. You continued to stamp the return date of the book on the front; a weeks time.

“I’ll let you know how I get on, Emillie,” he picked up the book carefully and tucked it into the inside pocket of his jacket, careful not to tear any pages.You grinned as you watched him leave, even thinking that his back looked attractive. 

You were quickly snapped out of your thoughts as Helen came waltzing past, a knowing grin plastered on her face. “Who was he?” She asked, cocking her left eyebrow and leaning one elbow on the wooden desk. Helen’s poker face stayed stationary until you lost the unofficial game of chicken.

You sighed, feeling heat rise to your cheeks, “he’s the owner of a bakery in town.”

“And?” She pressed, her green eyes sweeping over your uncomfortable demeanour. Tim, an elderly man of over eighty, just looked at you back and forth before rolling his eyes and dismissing you both to stacking books in the far corner of the building.

You busied yourself, hoping Helen had forgotten about how you were sat staring at the back of a man you barely knew. But her face popping up in between two cookery books told you that she hadn’t.“I met him when I went to go and collect a fine last week, remember?” You explained, placing a book next to where her head was resting on the shelf. She coughed, expecting you to continue. “There’s nothing else to say, Helen.” She looked at you, an unimpressed smirk displayed on her face, and you groaned, “Helen! I’ve only met the man twice!”

“Do you like him?” She pressed, urging you to spill your inner most thoughts- something you weren’t all that comfortable doing.

“I hardly know him!” You marvelled, cautious about keeping the volume down. You especially didn’t need Tim on your back, not with Helen already doing your head in, 

“Yes, but do you fancy him?” Helen nagged, wandering to shelve a book away in the non-fiction section.

“I think he’s quite attractive,” conceding, you shook your head at your best friend’s triumphant face, “but don’t say anything! I barely know the man, Helen. Plus, I doubt he’d be interested in me, he’s at least ten years older than me.”

“Who knows? He could be your Mr Darcy,” she laughed, a knowing glint in her eyes. You rolled your eyes so hard you thought they might fall out of your head, but continued to do your work, leaving her to bask in this new found information.

Your shift ended at five, an hour before the library shut for the public. As you left, a smell of coffee was brought to your attention, making your stomach grumble with hunger. It was coming from the little patisserie across from the green grocers, a small walk away.

Deciding to follow your nose (and stomach), you ended up in the shop, ordering  a cup of coffee and a piece of Victoria sandwich. The evening was cool; a breeze nipping at your shoulders and dancing around the ringlets of your hair, but still warm enough to sit outside.

Half way through your drink, a man sat opposite you; George Wicker.

“Oh, hello,” you said, putting your drink down and looking up at the man who you’d been all through school with. Despite being very attractive, you could never think of George as anything but the boy who pushed you over in the mud when you were seven years old, “can I do anything for you?” 

He smiled, looking deeply into your eyes. You blushed without meaning to, but the intensive stare just kept your cheeks growing redder and redder- until you resembled the same colour as a tomato. 

“How about accompanying me to the pictures tonight?” He proposed, a hand going to touch your thigh under the table. You flinched, nearly knocking over your drink.

“Oh, no thank you George. I already have plans; I think Helen is free tomorrow, though,” you said, moving his hand off of your leg, and continuing to eat your cake in peace.

“Go on, Em,” he moved his hand back, tracing lines up and down on your bare skin, “it’ll be fun- plus I don’t like Helen. She’s far too eager.”

Your conversation continued for a while, neither of you giving up. It was only when George’s hand travelled further up your leg did you feel extremely uncomfortable, and end up knocking your steaming hot drink onto his hand. It was an accident, but you still thanked your lucky stars and whoever was looking out for you.

Needless to say, George left rather quickly, and you were able to get away without a date. There was no way in hell you’d ever date that boy- his reputation was a bit too much for handle, and considering you thought of him as a weird little boy who made friends with ants, it wasn’t likely to happen.

You made your way back to your place, the streets darkening and goosebumps appearing on your skin. It wasn’t a far walk, but you still felt tired as anything when you finally arrived at your door. Your neighbours were in, the glare from the lights peeping through their net curtains. You could hear the couple squabbling about something; probably the same thing they’d squabble about every single night since you’d moved in. 

Sighing, you unlocked the door, immediately going straight to your bedroom. It wasn’t that late; but suddenly you felt your eyes becoming droopy and struggled to keep them awake. Maybe it was George causing you stress; or maybe it was your body telling you to dream about Alfie.

Either way, you knew men were the problem.