#she tried to move on but she still considered brittany her best friend… or wanted to even tho they were not as close anymore

[gleeblaineislife]

random blaine headcanons

    Blaine made friends with all of the band members when he first joined the New Directions. They were all really confused at first and all like ‘why are you talking to us?’ and Blaine was like ‘aren’t you guys technically a part of glee club too? since you guys are here every day to play instruments’. After that they started warming up to him and Blaine sometimes hung out with the band kids to play instruments with them and just to talk. Also if he wanted to sing a song he would give the band + Brad the sheet music as many days in advance as he could and he would always be open to helping them. He thought everyone did that at first until the band kids said the other glee clubbers just expected them to know what to do (minus Artie; I can see him also being more sympathetic and friendly with the band). Blaine felt really bad and he tried to get the other members to prepare things ahead of time for the band’s sake but they didn’t listen for three reasons: 1) Most of them didn’t trust Blaine yet. 2) That’s how they’d always been doing it. 3) They thought the band members didn’t care. The (season 4) newbies on the other hand tended to interact and be kinder to the band.

    Blaine was Brad’s favorite because: he always tried to give them plenty of time to work on the arrangements for his songs, he made one-sided conversations with Brad (Brad didn’t feel like talking), Blaine sometimes played the piano with Brad, and he gave Brad days off from the glee club by taking over the piano. Brad did find Blaine sort of annoying and scary with his obsessive perfectionism and tendency to have very long and excessive rambles about things he’s passionate about (Brad really did not care). After the events of Puppet Master, Blaine also apologized to Brad but Brad didn’t fully accept it (and was still convinced Blaine had lost his mind) until Blaine came in with a full tray of desserts to further apologize to the glee club and he even saved one for Brad which happened to be one of his favorite kinds of dessert. It also helped that Blaine spent the rest of the year trying to get back onto Brad’s good side (which Blaine did not know if he ever did or if it was even a thing since Brad was not expressive or outwardly reactive). Brad ended up deciding he actually liked Blaine a little bit.

    Blaine was friends with Tina and Mike during season 3 and not just because they were Kurt’s friends which meant him by proxy. They sort of knew each other already (“the asian community is very tight”). They were the only people (except for Kurt and maybe Rachel + Brittany a bit) that made an effort to include Blaine. They had classes together and would sit by each other and stuff but their friendship never got deeper than casual friendliness until Tina and Blaine got close in season 4.

    Blaine talked to Sebastian and kept up their friendship (before the slushie incident of course) because he was never close with any of the Warblers and they all didn’t really know what to do with him since he moved to Mckinley and Blaine just wanted to feel a connection with the people he considered his best friends (even though they weren’t. He was just trying to hold on to Dalton and feel like he made a difference there other than with his talent). Blaine just wanted to feel like that he, as a person and not a singing voice, meant something to somebody there as they all meant a lot to him in shaping who he could pretend/want to be. He looked up to the upperclassmen there that all seemed so confident and mature and in control. How he was in season 2 was him modeling how he appeared to be like them. When he was like that he could pretend he was 100% healed with no scars from his old school and he could pretend his home life wasn’t as fucked up as it was. He hoped that the persona he had did something to help someone there as he helped Kurt since all he ever wanted to do was not be an inconvenience and to help people. He wanted his legacy to be more meaningful than “sex on a stick and sings like a dream” but alas we can’t always get what we want.

    Blaine spent his time at the Berry household when he wasn’t at the Hudson-Hummel’s. It wasn’t to hang out with Rachel though, she was his good friend but she would always be Kurt’s best friend first. It was to spend time with Hiram and Leroy Berry. They were his parent role models (along with Burt and Carole). Blaine absolutely adored them. They were gay, Jewish, and loved musical theatre. He loved the fact that two gay men were together after so many years and raising a child. He went to them for advice about his relationship with Kurt and he asked questions he had about other gay stuff like sex or what they faced. The Jewish part reminds him of his grandparents who were his favorite people growing up. His mother wasn’t around much and didn’t follow Judaism strictly at all, so being with the Berry’s reminded him of the good days of his childhood. He also loved the musical family they had and was always happy to talk Broadway or sing with them. Blaine envied Rachel for her parents and upbringing. Blaine continued to visit them during his senior year and kept them entertained during their first year being empty-nesters. Blaine heard about their divorice through Rachel and was very upset. He of course was worried about Rachel first and foremost, but he was allowed to be sad about it too considering how much time he spent with them.

    All throughout middle school and high school Blaine had a show choir blog on tumblr. He always kept his followers up to date with the latest Ohio show choir news, talked about some show choir topics, and always answered asks the best he could without being an official. He made his last post after his senior year nationals where he talked about how much show choir meant to him and how he spent a lot of time running the blog and “it’s been an amazing journey but it's time to say goodbye. I won’t deactivate my account so you can still see all the old news and everything I’ve talked about. This will be my last post and I will no longer be active. Remember, glee is about opening yourself up to joy. Have fun singing and don’t be so saddened by the times you lose. Signing off, BA”. He also has another tumblr account he’s had for years and is still active on. He started off in the Harry Potter fandom and has been present in lots of other ones like various Broadway musicals, Star Wars, MCU, etc. Blaine had always enjoyed spending his time writing/reading fanfiction, making edits, and other fandom-y stuff.

[2996-sana]

Seeking Arrangement - Rosé

Part 1

The pitter patter of the rain served as background noise for Y/N and Lisa who was sat on their couch munching on some cucumbers, eyes glued to the Kdrama playing on the TV. Y/N let out a dramatic sigh as she watches Ko Moonyoung and Moon Gangtae lock lips for the first time. The sound was not lost on her best friend who shot her a grin.

“Are you going all soft again, Y/N?”

Y/N rolled her eyes at the teasing tone in Lisa’s voice. This was not new as she was always on the receiving end of Lisa’s jokes about her being such a hopeless romantic. Though Lisa found this amusing about her best friend, she thinks there is strength in Y/N’s ability to believe in love after the shit her ex-girlfriend Suzy put her through. Could you really blame her? Being in love was without a doubt one of the best feelings in the world in Y/N’s book. For her, it was an overwhelming yet warm feeling that stretches throughout your whole body once it enters your life and leaves you feeling like you’re on top of the world (but its all fun and games until your partner cheats on you).

Despite this though, she was not in a hurry to find love. In fact, after the tragedy that was her last relationship, she just wanted to lie low and have fun for a while.

“Shut up. You’re lucky you’re in a stable relationship,” Y/N scoffs.

Lisa and her girlfriend Jennie have been together for 2 years now (3 years next month) and Y/N envied the love shared between the two.

“Don’t worry, Y/N. No one can resist you for too long,” Lisa tries to reassure her best friend, wrapping an arm around her.

Y/N grimaced, “Eh…I don’t really want anything serious at the moment. Especially after Suzy.”

Lisa pretends to gag at the sound of Y/N’s ex-girlfriend’s name, “I agree. Have fun and take it easy. You should like…I don’t know…find a sugar daddy or something.” They both chuckle at Lisa’s words, knowing she would never even think about it.

•

It was hours later on her bed while typing out a reply to some guy she matched on Tinder that she realizes how hard it was to find a worthy candidate to waste her time on. These boys lacked substance and were coming at her with the same pick-up lines. She wonders if they all got them at the same Fuckboy Convention. It didn’t help that she rarely matched with girls either.

She groans at the reply that came through.

Wyd tho? U tryna fuck?

“The audacity of these boys,” she mutters under her breath, closing the app.

As she stares at her ceiling zoning out, she remembers Lisa’s words from hours ago. A sugar daddy. She laughs at her best friend’s ridiculous idea. She could never.

Unless? No. It’s stupid. She doesn’t wanna give out any sugar AT ALL.

But she was bored out of her mind. For the past 3 months, she has been cooped up in her bed wallowing in self-pity while listening to the very suspicious sounds coming out of Lisa’s room. There were also only so many pep-talks she could give herself until she grew tired of her own words. It was this that fueled her to sit up and turn on her laptop. After all, she considered boredom as an invitation for her to find something that would raise her serotonin levels. And what is the value of life without a little fun? She owed herself the first few months of her breakup to relax and take care of herself after all the mental damage, but now she needed a little play. She needed both the loud and quiet joys of life, peace with a little bit of wild mixed in. It was needed to feed her soul.

She also couldn’t lie that she craved some sort of human connection and validation. Yeah, she definitely was not proud of that last one.

Y/N stared at the keyboard, not believing what she was able to type into Google.

How to find a sugar daddy?

What she found out during her deep dive in the wondrous world of sugar daddies and babies was the number one site to find one was called Seeking Arrangement.  

So that is where she found herself, blinking at the statement written in bold.

100% Free to Join!

To hell with it, she thinks as she begins to fill out the application.

30 minutes later, she nods in approval as she scanned through the photos she chose. She would totally hit herself up if she was a sad middle-aged man desperate for companionship. As she hits submit, she was met with pictures of men – and surprisingly women, although there were considerably more men – complete with their basic information.

Looking for a woman to spoil.

Looking for love.

Looking for a loving companion.

Looking for a good time.

It was nothing she didn’t expect to find at a sugar baby site but it was the net worth of the men and women displayed on her screen that caught her eye. She was almost tempted to message one of them but couldn’t find it in herself to do so. She rolls her eyes at the thought.

She spent hours researching and signing up for a sugar baby website and she still finds herself being stubborn about making the first move.

Glancing at the clock, she realized that it was almost 4AM. She decides that she was going to wait for someone to message her first instead. Besides it gives off the vibe that she’s hard to get and that’s always a little bit sexy, right?

•

"Y/N! Wake up! I made banana pancakes.”

Slowly opening her eyes and stretching, her foot meets a hard surface. The cold metallic feeling on her foot was enough to remind her of her antics 7 hours ago. She hides her face on her hands, sighing. Why did she think that was a good idea?

Once she was out of her room, she was met with the sweet smell of banana pancakes and nutella. She dragged herself to where the smell was most present and found herself in the kitchen where both Lisa and Jennie sat on the counter. Jennie threw a gummy smile her way while her best friend simply nodded at her presence, busy stuffing herself with her girlfriend’s banana pancakes.

“Vas happenin’, love birds?” she greets them with a faux British accent.

“What kind of dollar store Zayn Malik am I hearing right now?” came Lisa’s reply to which Y/N’s response was to smear Nutella all over her best friend’s face.

“Yah, Y/N!” Lisa whines as she hits Y/N on the shoulder.

Y/N gasps as she prepares to retaliate.

“Children! Stop it.” Jennie scolds the two. She was used to the duo’s playful fighting but she also knew it could go on for hours if she doesn’t put a stop to it.

Both were quick to stop but stuck their tongues out at each other.

Y/N grabbed her plate to return to her room. She glanced at the couple making sure they were preoccupied enough not to notice what she was up to.

You have 11 unopened messages!

A loose grin formed on her face at the notification. Not bad. She hurriedly opened her inbox to find the different men who deemed her worthy to reach out to.

It was all pretty tame, it being the typical greeting. She sighed, already bored. It wasn’t until she reached the bottom of her inbox where a small gasp came out of her. She sat up and read the sender’s name.

Rosé Park. A woman.

She excitedly clicked on the woman’s profile.

It only took the woman’s profile picture for Y/N to realize that this Rosé Park was the type of woman she fantasized about. For starters, she was a brunette and the woman was a blonde. She was a sucker for blondes. Who could resist a good brunette and blonde wlw duo?

Santana and Brittany. Rose and Rosie. Clarke and Lexa. Piper and Alex. Need she say more?

Basically, Rosé Park was a dreamboat. Something radiated from her pictures that Y/N knew rendered her irresistible to both men and women. She could outshine any of these men on the site any day. It also only took her profile picture to realize that the woman was a big deal. Her outfit looked straight out of the pages of a fashion magazine. Why would gorgeous and rich 25-year old Rosé Park want to talk to a normal and boring 23-year old like her?

Y/N composed herself, fighting back a smile, before returning to her and Rosé’s chat.

Hi, gorgeous. I passed by your profile and knew I had to talk to you. Looking forward to your response x

Y/N’s blush seared through her cheeks and for a minute she thought her face was on fire. She suddenly felt awkward, demure, and coy; even going as far as attempting to hide her rosy features behind her slim fingers even if no one else was around to see her. She blames it on the fact that an insanely beautiful woman complimented her. So naturally, it took her at least 5 minutes of over-analyzing every possible response for her to actually send one.

Hi there :) You’re one to talk. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on.

To her surprise, three little dots indicating Rosé was typing appeared beside the woman’s picture.

Haha, cute.

Hmm what brings you to this site, Y/N?

The woman’s question made her pause. She doesn’t even know the answer to that. Was she supposed to make some shit up?

Um I was bored.

She facepalms herself as she hit send. Really? Your brain cogs couldn't turn fast enough to come up with a more interesting response, Y/N?

Y/N thought she blew it as 45 minutes has passed and no response from the blonde bombshell came. She internally cursed herself for her boring response to the woman. Rosé probably thought she was an airhead.

•

It was 10PM after binge watching another Kdrama with Jennie and Lisa that she remembered being left on delivered by Rosé. Her mood quickly sours as she realizes she ruined her chance at getting to know the beautiful woman. Thinking to distract herself with the depressing fact, she goes to check if any of the men messaged her back. Sure, a man could never fill the void of a woman but she really needed to talk to another human being besides Lisa and Jennie.

Y/N was apparently in for a surprise because what awaited her was a message from the woman.

Well, I hope to provide some sort of entertainment for you ;)

I’m not one to beat around the bush Y/N. I think you’re stunning and a good lay in bed. That’s a really good source of entertainment for the both of us, no?

Jesus Christ. She was not expecting that.

Y/N knew what being a sugar baby entailed but she was still brought to a shock at how blunt Rosé was being and so early on into the conversation. The thought of being with Rosé like that, being able to feel her skin against hers, the godly sounds that it would elicit…

Her private thoughts made herself blush. It seems like if there was anything Rosé was good at it was making Y/N blush. But her unholy thoughts about the woman didn’t create a cute soft pink tint on her cheek like a healthy outdoors glow, it was beet red. Y/N figured that Rosé was probably highly practiced at the art of seduction. Rosé’s looks although a masterpiece sculpted by all the deities that exist… well, nothing so pretty could possibly harm you, right? But it was that combined with Rosé’s choice of words that had anyone she chose to even focus her attention on jumping through hoops to please her. So, she swallowed her pride and forced herself to play it cool, putting on a mask that she thought would appease the woman she really wanted to impress.

I like the way you think, Rosé. I like to think I make great company in bed too ;) Give me a time and place and I’ll be there.

•

That message was what lead Y/N to the 21st floor of Seoul Forest Trimage Towers, one of Seoul’s most luxurious and exclusive apartment complex, standing outside of Rosé’s penthouse two days later.

All the reasons not to go through with it and just leave came flooding in. Y/N can feel the soft panic growing inside her body as she wills herself to breathe in and out, not quite ready to ring the doorbell just yet. But before she could finish her fourth exhale, the door was opened to reveal the woman who has not left her mind ever since signing up for that damned site.

“I grew tired of watching you hyperventilate so I thought I’d do you a favor and open the door for you.”

Y/N almost choked on air as she looks at Rosé for the first time. The pictures on her profile did not do her justice at all. The woman could have graced every billboard or magazine in the city and she wouldn’t even question it.

Y/N did not say anything - did not know what to say. She was conscious of the smirking woman standing before her, dressed in a white dress that stopped just above her knees.

“Do you wanna come in, Y/N?” Rosé’s voice was dripping with amusement, eyebrows raised. Shyness wasn’t usually Y/N’s gig so what the hell was going on?

“Yeah, sure.”

Once she entered the threshold that Rosé called home, she immediately noticed how fancy and expensive everything was. She was immediately drawn to the large window overlooking the whole city. The glass was so clear that it looked like a high definition screen at the movie theatre.

Rosé quickly picked up on her fascination, grabbing hold of Y/N’s hand and leading her to the glass window. “Cool, huh? I picked this unit because of the view. The city below is so far away it's like another world. This penthouse is my cocoon and the window, well, the window shows me as much detail as I want to know.”

Y/N could only stare at their joined hands and then to the woman beside her, intoxicated by her words. “It’s beautiful, Rosé. I’d kill to wake up to this every way. You have great taste.”

“Yeah I do have great taste huh?” Rosé looked her up and down, biting her lip before chuckling. (Y/N swears she saw the gates of heaven open at the sound)  

•

A few hours later after a candle lit dinner prepared by Rosé herself and a bottle of wine, Y/N finds herself straddled in the living room couch being kissed roughly on the neck as pure pleasure runs through her entire body.

“Fuck,” she pants as she feels Rosé grind on her. Unable to control herself anymore, Y/N holds Rosé’s head in her hands and pulls her into a fiery and passionate kiss.

“Someone couldn’t wait,” Rosé smiled against their lips.

With a laugh, Y/N pushed Rosé down on the couch, switching their positions, not breaking the kiss. Y/N’s hands slowly work their way around her body, tugging on Rosé’s dress.

“Off.”

Rosé sat up slightly, allowing Y/N to pull down the zipper of her dress, feeling skilled fingers unhook her bra. Rosé tears it off herself before reattaching their lips. Immediately, Y/N’s hands found itself on Rosé’s breasts as she tugged on her nipples.

Rosé gasps against her lips causing Y/N to pull away, making her way down and sucking on the skin surrounding Rosé’s breasts before soothing it out with her tongue.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you but I’m not complaining,” Rosé giggles but whimpers midway as she feels Y/N’s tongue latch onto her nipple.

“Probably the wine.”

Y/N couldn’t help but think that their bodies fit together as if they were made just for this, to fall into one another, to feel this natural rhythm.

Y/N’s hands drop to Rosé’s thighs, caressing her from above her panties. Rosé moans at the feeling of the soft silk rubbing against her as Y/N’s mouth still busied herself with her nipple.

“Oh my god.”

Rosé grips her hand tightly onto Y/N’s hair as she feels the wetness between her legs. “Take your clothes off. I wanna see you.”

Y/N stops devouring her nipple to pull her shirt off. Rosé drops her hands to the zipper of Y/N’s jeans pulling it down and slipping her own hand in.

“Good to know I’m not the only one dripping wet,” she teases.

Before she could begin her sweet torture on Y/N, she feels hands finally moving inside her panties and her mind went blank.

Fingers toyed with her nub making Rosé bite down on Y/N’s shoulder. Thumb continuing to rub Rosé’s nub, Y/N slipped two fingers in. Rosé moaned so loud that Y/N swears it was enough to get her off.

Pumping her fingers around Rosé, Y/N felt a smirk making its way on her face. She couldn’t believe she was on top of the godly woman seeing her face all scrunched up in ecstasy. She feels Rosé pulling her in for another heated kiss as she picks up her pace inside the woman. With every moan and whimper coming out of Rosé’s mouth, Y/N feels her own wetness.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Y/N mutters under her breath.

She could feel Rosé getting close as the woman’s grinding on her fingers became sloppier and her breaths became more uneven. Burying her face on Y/N’s shoulder, Rosé tries to stifle her moans as she finally comes undone.

Y/N slowly leaves feathery kisses up and down Rosé’s neck as she waits for her to come down from her high.

“Jesus Christ, Y/N.” she hears Rosé trying to catch her breath. “I honestly wasn’t expecting you to take charge tonight.”

“Maybe I’m just full of surprises,” Y/N grinned, pressing a kiss on Rosé’s temple.

Rosé slowly sat up as Y/N leaves her place on top of her. “I guess you are.”

They both sat in silence as they picked up their clothes scattered on the floor before putting them back on. Rosé was the first one to break the ice as she reaches for her purse on the wooden table. It was at that moment Y/N remembered why she was even there in the first place. Disappointment stabbed through her like a knife. Somehow during the duration of the night, she made herself forget that she was there because of an agreement made online. As if she was there spending the night with a new lover, both milking the feeling of a love that just arrived. The night started out like a sweet melody of a blackbird -- full of promise, freshness, and newness to come. Now it sat like a cold cup of coffee waiting to be drained away. All of a sudden, she felt dirty and used and all she had to blame was herself. Rosé’s words from a few hours ago during dinner echoed through her head.

I signed up because I have no time for relationships. I’m just too busy for that. It saves me the hassle of meeting new people and having to get to know them, y’know?

And truthfully, no, Y/N didn’t know. She remembers Lisa telling her she loves like a puppy - devoted, playful, and trusting. So, no, Y/N didn’t know. She just didn’t roll the way Rosé rolled.

“Here you go,” Rosé reached out with a wad of cash in her hand. “Go treat yourself. You deserve it.”

It was the way Rosé said it, so confident and smug, that Y/N knew that she was not Rosé’s first rodeo. The woman sounded like she does it so often that she just didn’t care anymore.

“How many girls receive this same amount of cash?” Y/N laughs quietly and she hopes it didn’t sound as bitter as she felt.

“A couple a week,” Rosé grins so nonchalantly it makes Y/N stomach churn. “Why?”

“Nothing,” Y/N awkwardly shifts in her place on the couch. “Um, you really don’t need to. I’m not looking for cash.”

Rosé actually looked shocked at the girl’s statement. “I’m a little bit lost here.”

“I signed up because I was bored and curious not because I’m low on money,” she laughs keeping an unamused tone. “I really didn’t expect to reach this far ahead. So, you can keep your money Rosé.”

Y/N got up and started walking towards the door. She was halfway there when she felt Rosé grab her wrist.

“Why do you sound angry? Don’t act as if you didn’t know why I invited you here, Y/N.” Rosé looked at her confused. “We met through Seeking Arrangements for god’s sake. I thought we had a good time.”

Rosé did have a good time. Aside from the mind-blowing sex, she was impressed by Y/N’s ability to be present during a conversation, always having her own two cents to offer, which lead to a lot of fun and meaningful discourse all throughout dinner. She had never met a woman through that website as enchanting and beautiful as Y/N. Y/N was a smart woman who was good at sex and Rosé liked that. A lot. So why is she being difficult?

Rosé saw different emotions flash through Y/N’s face before settling on a look of defeat. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I did have a good time.”

Y/N stepped closer to Rosé. “I loved being here with you and money was never on my mind tonight. Maybe that’s why I reacted that way. I’m sorry. I joined Seeking Arrangements for fun because honestly…I was lonely and bored and looking for some sort of human connection and that’s what you gave me tonight. I just got lucky that you reached out. That was all I needed I promise.”

She offers Rosé a genuine smile before turning to leave once more. “Have a good rest of your night, Rosé.”

Y/N hears footsteps behind her as Rosé opens the door for her, a smile planted on her face. “You’re something else, Y/N.”

Before the door closes, Rosé speaks once more. “It’s Rosie now by the way.”

The last thing she saw was the woman throwing her a wink before the door finally closed.

[syntheticpoetry]

Constellations

Summary: When the text comes in from Tina, Kurt can hardly believe what he is reading. When Blaine doesn't respond to his messages he thinks his heart may actually stop beating. AO3 link || FFN Link

Author’s Note: I was watching Shooting Star and overcome with a million emotions, mostly having to do with the fact that we don't get ANY conversation or scene with the NYC gang during this insanely emotional episode. So this is my take on it. A little bit of canon, but a little divergence for the Klaine scene I desperately wanted to see as well as Kurt, Santana, and Rachel’s reactions. I promise there is a happy ending in this through the rollercoaster of emotions that is Blaine's mind during this absolutely horrifying ordeal. Big thanks to @roxymusicandlayers for beta reading this for me!

“And I am lost, so lost, but you’re the constellations that guide me.”

_________________________________________________________

“Alright guys, start texting and tweeting, whatever social media you use.  Let everyone know what’s going on here.  But don’t say where we are, shooters have smartphones too.” 

Blaine hears Mr. Schue’s urgent whisper as though he is underwater.  The words sound muffled and heavy with the depth of the room’s collective terror embedded into every upturned syllable.  Despite his best effort to keep the hysteria at bay, they know he is just as frightened as they are.  Blaine bites his lip and remains so still that every muscle starts to quiver, threatening to give way.  The burn feels familiar, like the ache he gets from lifting weights in the gym with Sam, and he pushes through the pain as though it is just one more rep away before they can finally rest.  

Any slight movement will betray his feigned composure and he knows the domino effect of his breakdown will begin.  Around him the gentle, frantic padding of fingers against glass echoes around the room like a discordant symphony of additional gunshots.  He knows they are not as loud as they actually sound in his head.  But the panic in his chest still swells.  He hugs his knees tighter.  The small movement is enough to send the first wave of tears down his cheeks.  He bites his lip harder and tries to focus on the pain of teeth against flesh instead. 

‘I should do what they’re doing.  Pick up your phone.  Keep it together.’

“Blaine, it’s okay.  It’s going to be okay,” Sam reaches a hand out and the touch of his fingers against Blaine’s forearm sends thunderbolts up his spine.  “Where’s your phone?” 

Blaine opens his mouth to speak and instead gasps loudly, the breath shuddering on the sharp intake of air.  He claps a hand over his mouth and squints his eyes shut as more tears come.  His mistake was moving at all.  Statues never cry.  He stretches out one leg and wrenches the phone from his pocket to see it at 1% battery.  With one hand pressed firmly against quivering lips, the muffled whisper comes convulsing out in staccato bursts.   “It’s— it’s almost— d-d—” 

He can’t bring himself to say the word dead.  As though breathing life into it will somehow fulfill some unspoken prophecy, and he is bound to doom them all by simply uttering it.  Sam squeezes his arm and whispers back, “Do you want to text anyone with my phone?” 

Blaine nods frantically when his phone screen finally turns to black.  He gingerly places it on the ground in what feels like slow motion, taking extreme care not to make a sound, and extends his hand out to Sam.  He thinks back to Mr. Schue’s garbled words and wonders if they really are underwater.  

“I can’t get in touch with my mom,” The subdued sound of Marley’s panicked sobbing ricochets off of the walls. “She won’t respond!  What if she— there’s no back way out of the kitchen!” 

While Kitty and Jacob whisper empty reassurances Blaine stares at Sam’s phone in his hand like it is a foreign object.  He knows what he is supposed to do with it, but the phone numbers in his mind are written in invisible ink.  

‘I can’t even remember my parents’ phone numbers.  Oh god, what if we die in here.  What if I never see them or Cooper or Kurt—”

A flash of hands clasped tight, buried deep into a mattress fills his vision.  The breathy whisper of his own name makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.  His trembling thumbs begin to fly seamlessly over the keypad and he has never been so thankful for autocorrect before.  Just as he hits send the dull pounding sound of running footsteps in the hall crescendos until—

Rattle! Rattle! Rattle!

The jittering of the door handle makes them all collectively jump as though this is just another lesson in synchronisation for their next competition.  Blaine’s heart slithers its way into his throat, and he drops the phone.  It slides away from him and bumps into Sam’s ankle.  Sam’s leg jerks and sends it careening across the floor of the choir room where it settles underneath the piano.  The entire scene is something straight out of a shitty comedy movie that feels completely unbelievable, like the chances of something like this happening are one in a million.  The irony of the realm of impossibilies reaching its peak today is not lost on him.  The entire room stills.  Blaine wishes that stupid ticking of the metronome in the center of the room would. Just. Stop.  It feels like a countdown.  

Smash!

Blaine jumps again and presses his hand harder to his mouth to suppress the sound that begs for escape.  He hugs his knees closer to his chest in a one-armed embrace and tries to will the demon perched on his shoulder whispering unpleasantries to vanish.   The burn settles in again.  Out of the corner of his eye, he spots Artie struggling to sit himself up against the cabinets.  He wants to move, wants to help him; but when he tries to unhook his arm from his knees, nothing happens.  He continues spectating as Sam begins lifting Artie up by his shirt until he’s sitting comfortably upright.  Then he witnesses the moment of pure panic in his best friend’s eyes right before Sam hisses frantically to Mr. Schue, “Brittany doesn’t have her phone, she’s in the bathroom! She’s all alone!” 

___________________________________________________

“Oh honey, no goddamn way!” Kurt snatches the remote back from Rachel.  “Santana and I were here first, you don’t just get to come in and throw a hissy fit about having a bad day so you can put on whatever you want.  How do you know we didn’t have a bad day too?” 

Santana averts her attention from the television to watch them instead, positively beaming.  Their fights are honestly her favourite thing to watch.  Always far more entertaining than whatever trashy reality shows she and Kurt had been immersing themselves in lately.  Today it had been a marathon of the first season of Rock of Love. 

“Well, considering you’re both in the exact same spot I left you in this morning I seriously doubt it,” Rachel huffs loudly and sinks down into a creaky wicker chair, arms folded tightly across her chest.  Kurt rolls his eyes at her and changes the channel back before the gentle buzzing of his phone across the coffee table distracts him from Rachel’s moodiness. 

“Go make some popcorn and I’ll let you vent— oh,” Kurt stares down at his phone.  

“What?” Rachel lowers her arms, keeping them folded across her stomach still, and exchanges her scowl for curiosity. 

“Sam texted me, he usually never…” The rest of his sentence trails off once he opens the message, leaving them to stare.  He loosens his grip and drops his hands against his thighs, the phone resting precariously on his open palms.  After the fourth quick scan of the text the message still does not seem to sink in. 

Sam 12:36 p.m. I love you so much and I’m so sorry about everything that happened I’m so glad I got to see you at the wedding you’re amazing and deserve everything in the world I’m so proud of you don’t ever settle for anyone less than perfect because that’s exactly what you are 

‘This can’t be for me.’

“Kurt, what is it? What’s wrong?” Rachel leans over, her palms on her knees now, her brows furrowed in concern. 

“What’s Trouty mouth saying?” Santana snatches the phone from him.  He does not even protest her invasion of privacy, his brain is too busy slicing through the fog to decrypt the reasoning behind the message.  She frowns and looks between the screen and Kurt a few times.  “Did I miss the part when you and Sam got together? No way my gaydar is that far off.”

“There’s no way that’s for me.  He obviously meant to send it to someone else.  Do you think he meant it for Mercedes?” Kurt plucks the phone back from her hands to reread the message before typing out a reply. 

Kurt 12:44 p.m. I don’t think you meant this for me? 

“What did it say?” Rachel pipes up and cranes her neck to try to read over Kurt’s shoulder.  Kurt tilts the phone to show her.  “Ooooh, wait did something happen between them at the wedding? Wasn’t he there with Brittany then though?” Kurt shrugs and scrolls through his contacts until he lands on Mercedes’ name. 

Kurt 12:50 p.m. Okay maybe random question but is there something going on with you and Sam again? I got the weirdest message from him just now 

Mercedes 12:55 p.m. ???? What did he say? 

Kurt takes a screenshot of the message and forwards it to her. 

Mercedes 1:00 p.m. Omg nope nothing happened with us at the wedding.  Maybe he meant to send it to Brittany? Has he not replied? 

Kurt 1:02 p.m. Nope

Tina’s name flashes across the top of his screen in a drop down banner and he taps on it.  “Oh my god.”  The words come out small and frightened as he reads the message.  “Tina just said—”

“She just texted me too,” Santana replies in an eerily despondent voice that Kurt has never heard her speak in before.  It suddenly makes the situation feel ten times more real.  For once, she’s silent as she stares down at her own phone, frantically typing out a text.

“Me too,” Rachel whispers.  “Oh my god, do you think everyone is okay?” She stands and crosses the room, pacing by the window as she rereads the text over and over again.  “Kurt, have you heard from Blaine?”

‘Blaine.’

Kurt cannot find the words to respond to her as he taps on his favourites list.  Blaine’s name is still at the very top.  He had told himself he had never gotten the chance to adjust the list and remove him after their breakup.  Really, he never had the heart to erase his name.  The sight of it now makes his throat constrict.  He tries to speak but no sound comes out.  

“Brittany isn’t texting me back.  Neither is Sam,” Santana borders on hysterical as she grips her phone between her hands like it is her only lifeline.  Kurt mimics her action as he composes a text to Blaine. 

Kurt 1:10 p.m. Tina texted me are you ok

“Has anyone heard anything from anyone else?” Rachel asks.  Neither of them respond. 

Kurt cannot look away from Blaine’s name.  The feeling washes over him suddenly and intensely, dragging his logical mind into the riptide of superstitious terror as he recites the name silently like a mantra.  If he looks away, he might lose him forever.  It doesn’t make any sense to think that way.  He knows it.  But it provides some tiny semblance of comfort and control as he tethers himself to it and waits for a response.  Two long minutes pass by and still nothing comes. Tina’s name and phone number fills the screen, swallowing Blaine’s name, and he finally finds his voice, the words frantic and choppy as he taps multiple times to decline the call, “Someone call Tina, she’s calling me.  Someone call her so she stops calling me!” 

The sight of Blaine’s name again anchors him down once more and the rest becomes background noise. 

'Please be okay.  Please be okay.  I’m never saying goodbye to you, you idiot.  Just text me back.  Please.’

__________________________________________________________

“Mr. Schue, I have to get to her! I have to make sure she’s okay!” 

Blaine watches, horrorstuck, as Mr. Shue and coach Beiste struggle to restrain Sam.  He is thrashing wildly in their arms, his quivering voice crescendoing past the panicked whispers that everyone else has adapted.  It isn’t until coach Beiste whispers something in his ear that Blaine cannot hear, and Sam locks eyes with him that he finally settles down.  Blaine exhales sharply, lungs blazing and heart thudding at the base of his throat, and realizes he must have been holding his breath at some point.  Sam slinks back over to their corner and sits beside Artie, his head hanging down in defeat.  Blaine tries to parrot back the same empty promises Sam had whispered earlier, wants to tell him everything will be okay even though he is not quite sure if he believes it himself, but nothing comes out.  

“Maybe she’s with Tina,” Artie whispers hopefully to Sam.  “Maybe she isn’t alone.”

Blaine takes note of Artie’s lack of confidence and how he is careful not to speak in absolutes.  But maybe he is right.  He thinks about the word maybe in the context of his life.  Maybe Kurt did not want to admit how much their hookup at the wedding had meant.  Maybe he and Kurt really are back together.  Maybe Kurt still loves him.  Maybe he will see him again when this entire ordeal is finally over with.  ‘Maybe’ starts to feel like a pretty good word the more he thinks about it.  ‘Maybe’ feels like hope.  ‘Maybe’ feels like a second chance.  

The sound of a door opening breaks through Blaine’s inner dissection of the word, and he looks over just in time to see Mr. Schue skulking out of the door.  It reminds Blaine of one of Finn’s video games about spies and stealth.  Maybe they will get another chance to play it together after this.  He clings to that and tries to focus on the upcoming Friday night dinner with him, Burt and Carole as Marley’s sobbing continues to grow louder.  Her gasps for air further enforces his previous belief.  Maybe they really are underwater. 

It isn’t long before the choir room door opens again and a collection of cheerleaders rushes in followed by Mr. Schue.  Blaine watches Sam vault off of the cabinets like a spring loaded toy to pull Brittany into his arms.  She has never looked so terrified before.  But there is no sign of Tina amongst the red and white uniforms.  Blaine forgets about the maybe’s floating around his brain like buoys at sea and feels like he is drowning again.  He twists his head away and stares down pathetically at the blank screen of his cellphone, willing it to magically come alive.  

‘How could I have forgotten to charge it? I used to lecture Kurt about this all the time.’

Maybe it is a sign.  Maybe it is a metaphor of sorts.

He does not know when Artie began recording them with his phone, but the start of Marley’s hiccuped confession fills his lungs with water again.  “In the bottom of my desk drawer,” She breaks off to compose herself.  The volume of her crying sends off alarm bells in Blaine’s head and he tunes out the rest of her message.  He looks towards the hastily strewn barricade against the door.  Maybe it will prove to be sturdy, but it does not feel like enough.  The continued tapping of fingers against glass screens fills in the gaps of silence between the metronome and scattered crying when Artie pans the camera onto Blaine.  It feels like a slow dance towards a death sentence.  Maybe the rhythmic ticking really is a countdown. 

“Blaine, do you want to say anything to anyone?” 

He drops his face down into his knees.  Maybe he should take the opportunity to leave behind one tiny fragment of his life before he becomes another forgotten statistic.  But Artie has already redirected the phone towards Sam and Brittany when Blaine looks up again.  Maybe he has missed his chance.  ‘Maybe’ starts to feel like a cursed word now.  Like something sinister and evil and concrete.  Maybe he has inflated the word with too much hope causing some sort of rebound effect.  Maybe—

“All clear!” 

The words break through the hurricane in the choir room and suddenly everyone is getting to their feet except Blaine, who still feels sluggish and dazed.  Sam and Brittany approach him and hold out their hands.  He stares at their open palms, trembling and sweaty, and his body acts before his brain does to grasp them.  They lift him up like he is made of helium despite the lead shackles he envisions around his ankles.  He becomes aware of Sam’s arms around him and shakes away the anchors in his own arms to return the embrace.  The burn is still there, leaving his muscles fatigued and weak, but he cannot bring himself to let go now that he has latched on.  

“It’s okay, it’s okay.  See? We’re okay,” Sam whispers against his ear before Blaine realizes why he is taking such extra care to console him.  The sound of his own sobbing, punctuated by rattling intakes of air, reminds him why he tried to remain so still at the start of all of this.  He buries his face deep in Sam’s neck to muffle the sound and feels the addition of Brittany’s slender arms around both of them, leaving him sandwiched in between.  The shuffling sound of footsteps towards the door leads to the eventual end of the embrace and Sam jogs over to the piano, crouching down to retrieve his phone before they join hands and follow everyone else on the way to the parking lot.  

“Blaine, I have a charger in my car.” Sam says as he raises his phone to his ear.  Brittany slips her hand away from Blaine and he hears her whimpering Santana’s name before seeing she has also pulled out her phone.  Blaine laces his fingers with Sam and clings tightly as they weave their way through the crowd towards Sam’s car.  “Mom, hey I’m okay.  We’re okay.  We’re outside now— please don’t cry, I promise I’m okay.” 

When Sam finally pulls his hand free, Blaine thinks he might just float away.  It takes Sam only a few seconds to wrench open the car door and jam his key into the ignition.  “Blaine, here— Wait, Kurt’s calling my phone.  Mom, let me take this, and I’ll call you right back? Blaine’s phone died, he has no way to— yes, I’ll be right home as soon as I can.  I love you too.” 

Blaine’s fingers are numb by the time Sam has pressed the phone into his hand.  Kurt’s frantic, breathless voice breathes life into them, and he curls them tightly around the device just before it is about to fall.  “Sam! Brittany called Santana and said you guys made it out.  I can’t get in touch with Blaine, is he—”

“It’s me,” Blaine exhales and the volume of Kurt’s sob makes his knees shake.  He leans against the car door but slides down it as Kurt continues to cry loudly in his ear.  

“Why weren’t you answering me?” Kurt sputters out, his voice traversing the length of his entire vocal range like a warmup. 

“My phone died, that’s why I texted you with Sam’s—”

“You didn’t say it was you!” Kurt’s voice rises three octaves.  Blaine presses the phone closer to his ear like it will actually close any of the distance between them.  “I thought it was a mistake! I thought it was Sam! Why didn’t either of you get back to me on— Blaine, are you crying or laughing?” 

“Both, I think,” Blaine responds airily between watery laughter.  In the timespan of less than two hours he feels as though he has mastered every element associated with human emotion.  The fire in his lungs has been reduced to embers as Kurt’s voice continues to blanket him.  The laughter should feel inappropriate, but it feels like letting go.  It feels like a release.  He finally feels grounded.  “The stupid phone— it was insane— I dropped it and Sam kicked it under the piano— if you saw it— I’m sorry, I don’t know why I can’t stop laughing, but it just feels so good to hear your voice again.  I thought I was never going to hear it again or see you or—”

“Don’t you ever, ever, write a message to me like that again!” Kurt interrupts his rambling and suddenly the laughter becomes lodged in his throat.  Maybe he had been wrong to assume all of those ideas about them earlier.  Maybe Kurt’s next few words will feel like an actual gunshot wound.  

“Kurt, I’m sorry, I thought—”

“I told you I’m never saying goodbye to you,” Kurt parades through his apology, trying to sound bold and certain.  Blaine can see the hairline cracks in the foundation as Kurt wavers through the next command.  “Don’t you ever try to say goodbye to me like that again, do you understand me?” 

“Understood,” He replies with the remnants of his previous laughter, the solitary sound coming out strangled and relieved all at once.  “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“You’re sorry you—” The way he says it sends shivers down Blaine’s spine.  It is the same breathy exhale that had been reserved for their night in the hotel as their hands sank deeper and deeper into the mattress.  “Blaine, you must have been fucking terrified, how can you focus on me?” 

“Because I love you,” Blaine says simply.  For once there is no anxiety or fear to cage the confession.  It flies freely over the soundwaves and he does not worry about the reply because he already knows the response without Kurt having to say it.  But Kurt says it anyways. 

“I love you too.” 

‘Maybe’ starts to feel like a second chance again.  ‘Maybe’ feels like a promise. 

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Wtf things I have read in Glee fics

(Or sometimes only in Glee fic summarys because I ain’t gonna read after burning my eyes in that summary)

Note: I only go from memory and do not remember what every fic was called or their full plot.

Kurt got pregnant by Blaine when he was 12 and Blaine was 18

Quinn listened to Rachel peeing and found it hot. They never adressed this in that fic again

”Is there gonna be Faberry smut?” - a comment on a fic rated T, after Rachel called Quinn ”sweetie”

”This fic was gross, you ruined my erection” - a comment on a gross fic. Kinda made me laugh a bit when I first read it, but it was still a bit wtf

”Kurt and Blaine were best friends, until Blaine moved away. Will Kurt ever find Blaine again? Will they be more than friends? Mpreg.”

An entire fic rated E yet nothing in it was explicit whatsoever?? Like the user hadn’t tagged anything at all and the summary seemed ok, so I checked it out and decided to just dash out if something was icky. Nothing in the fic was explicit whatsoever it was literally fluff lmao

The amount of G!P’s...

Many fics from like 2011 about Puck treating Kurt like a baby???

Like when I looked up what kind of fics people wrote about Kurt/Puck on my research of Glee ships on ao3 I did not expect that

(Honestly the only pairing I wouldn’t be suprised had AG fics would be Brittana, since Brittany could be considered the most childish in canon, but they seemed to not have any at all. Though I wouldn’t wanna give people ideas let’s just ignore what I wrote here)

Freaky Friday AU where Quinn and Santana switched bodies and Santana just casually went ”oh btw Quinn I tried masturbating in your body it felt good” (tho even though it was a wtf to read, I feel like Santana would do that if that happened to her???? Or maybe i’m just broken from all my fic reading)

A fic was rated T with only fluff tags. Kurt and Blaine shared a room and the next day Blaine was like ”I saw you had a boner in the dark”

Tag: Lip-kissing of child

Whatever is happening in these tags:

Ok this one was not so bad, it just had so many tags it felt like it’s its own fic just here

One fic ended with Brittany screaming ”AAAAAAAAAAAH” after eating a flower

Sam took a bath and Blaine just came in and casually talked to him like nothing (it wasn’t so bad but when I first read it I was like ??!)

Why. Is there. So many. R*pe. And p*do fics.

In one fic they didn’t want to say inappropriate words so they were like ”she revealed her balloons to him and he felt some fresh wood rising inside” (I actually wish I knew what that was because I was laughing reading it, they also misspelled a lot.)

3 chapter fic about Rachel getting killed. One of the tags were ”i’m going to hell UWU”

That’s enough for today folks

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #439

“all the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun”

Have you written a letter to a soldier? No. Ever been in a perfect relationship? I thought so. But no, those don't exist. The last song you listened to? "Broadcasting From Beyond" by Motionless In White. Have you ever wished you could hurt somebody as much as they hurt you? I... have, but I don't wish that at all anymore. Has a dentist ever screwed up on anything when working on you? No. Would you rather be a successful writer or artist? Artist. Who are you in love with? Nobody. Does someone’s view on homosexuality affect how you feel about them in any way? It sure as fuck does. How about someone’s view on religion? Nah. Well, usually. It depends on the beliefs themselves and to what extremity. What is something you wear that others might consider unfashionable? Flipflops, like... year-round, lmao. What kind of pill did you last take? It's called Lamictal, the catalyst for my primary mood stabilizer. Do you like wearing glasses? No. I'd wear contacts if I had the patience and non-shaky hands. What first comes to mind when thinking of 10th grade? Jason. -_- That's the year we started dating. What’s the scariest thing that’s happened to you? A traumatic breakup. Has an ambulance ever came to your house? Yes, for my mother. The person you’re thinking about - what are you thinking about them? Well, because you mentioned him, I'm thinking about Jason and just how I fucked shit up 'n stuff. How many different cars have you driven? Uhhhh I want to say two? But maybe just one? Was the last person you hung out with single? I guess that would be my mom, in which case yes. Have you ever attended a private school? My last college was a private school, yes. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? No, and for that I am incredibly grateful. Have you ever cooked for anyone other than yourself? Yeah. I've made scrambled eggs for my family before as breakfast, and I did the same for Sara, too. Would you rather live in the city, the suburbs, or the rural area? Ugh, take me back to the middle of nowhere, please. :/ Do you know someone who is really ambidextrous? Sara! Are you adopted? No. Who was the last person that cried in your presence? Probably one of my nieces or nephew. Can you write your name in a foreign language? Uh, I think? In the German alphabet, "y" isn't actually a letter, and my name is Brittany, so I'm not entirely sure if it would be spelled that same way or not, but I think so. Who is the person you often go to for venting? My mom. Was the last person you kissed male or female? Female. Do you say “I love you” even when you don’t mean it? No. That shit can scar people (aka me) so goddamn deep when they don't mean it anymore. What’s the one thing you regret more than anything? Things I wrote to Jason in letters after the breakup. I would literally give a limb (no, I'm not exaggerating) to take it back. There are times I actually do wonder if we would've gotten back together if I wasn't just... a bitter and ridiculously hurt fuck that took it all out on him. Do you like vanilla? Yes. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. I actually do want one for my extra room/"office," though, to read on. Have you kissed any friends on your Facebook? Yeah. Do you get snow where you live? Occasionally, but it's very rarely a lot. What’s your favorite flavor of Doritos? Cool Ranch. Do you ever worry about what the world will be like when you have kids? Good thing I ain't havin' 'em. Have you ever seen a hippo in person? Yes. Do you like the band A Skylit Drive? I've actually only heard their "Love The Way You Lie" cover, which I do like. Have you ever been to any professional sports games? Yeah, with my dad. What’s the most boring sport to watch? Golf. But I don't particularly enjoy any. Do you like lip rings on the opposite sex? MHMMMMMMMMMMMMM. If you suddenly went deaf, what would be your most missed sound? Music. Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? If I actually wanted a dog, a Rottweiler. Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional, for sure. Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? Zoo. Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? I know damn well I'd say yes to Jason in a heartbeat. Literally before even getting to know the current him. That's how emotionally attached I am to him, even with the trauma. I'd get back together with Sara if/when we both are more stable emotionally and with clear direction, which is mostly on my end now. I also don't think I'd be ready until one of us is able to move for the other. Is there a certain quote you live by? No. Do you have any tattoos? I have some, but not nearly enough. :( Are you friends with the last person you kissed? She's my bestie! :') Green or purple grapes? I don't really have much of a preference, so long as they're crisp. What is your ringtone? Just something that came with the phone. If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? Fuck no. What is something you wish you had more of? Adventure, for one. Have you ever trusted someone too much? JASON. HOLY FUCK. It was FACT to me that we would, could, never break up. It just... wasn't possible in my head. It was like breaking the laws of the world. When he told me he loved me and would never leave, I believed that shit as if it was God himself promising that. I've never and will never trust someone like that ever again, because it wasn't healthy in the slightest. Do you sleep with your window open? Noooo, that would freak me out. Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? Yeah; Tyler had snakebites. Did you go to high school with your current best friend? No; we live in different states. Whose was the last funeral you attended? Ummm I'm actually not sure. Do you avoid using public restrooms? Yes. Do you like eggnog? Nooooo. Who is the person you dislike the most? It's so fucking stupid... I know it is STILL the girl Jason dated after me. I don't even think they're together anymore, so why the fuck does it matter? I know NOTHING about this poor girl that just found someone she really liked and got dumped FOR THE SAME REASON AS ME. It shouldn't fucking matter, at all, but it still does in my head. Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? No, because I don't have an income. What is your favourite way to eat rice? As pork fried rice. What is the longest relationship you’ve ever been in? Over 3 1/2 years with Jason. Do you currently have any alarms set? No. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Barely even two. What was the first television show you were obsessed with? Pokemon. Do you eat chili when you get a hotdog, or do you like it plain? I don't like chili. Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Not EVERYTHING, no. I wouldn't tell her anything at all unless she asked. I don't like talking about that stuff. Have you ever been in a car wreck? Yes. Has anyone ever told you that they think you have ADHD? Yes, which was absolutely, utterly ridiculous. Has anyone ever called you a sociopath before? No. Has anyone ever taken your own clothes off you before? Yes. Is there someone you want to kiss right now? Probably always will. -_- Have you ever had a real tea party? Or been to one? Ha ha no, but my little sister used to love to have little ones with her Disney princesses plastic tea set. She would always ask Mom or me to have one with her. Have you been called a tease? Only playfully. Did you kiss the last person you really wanted to kiss? Yes. Would you ever go to a protest or be involved in a protest? So long as it was peaceful, yes. When playing rock, paper, scissors, which do you usually pick? Scissors. Have you ever tried to write a book? Yes, when I was younger. Have you ever been hit by a chunk of hail? No. Is it true that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love another? Absofuckinglutely not. I'm proof of that. That idea is such bullshit. Do you share a bed with anyone? Just my cat. Who is one very unique celebrity/musician/whatever that you love? MARKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. Could you handle babysitting two small children at once, such as two children under three years old? OH FUCK NO. Would you say that people consider you a major flirt? Definitely not. Do any of your friends have children? Yes. Would you rather cry in public or make someone else cry in public? I would FAR rather cry myself. I would feel so, so bad for making someone else cry, not even just in public. Would you rather re-live today forever or not live? Not live. Would you rather be just rich or rich and famous? Just rich. Who was the last person of the opposite sex to be in your bedroom? My nephew, I believe. He and Aubree wanted to see the snake. What’s your favourite kind of Cap’N Crunch? The "All Berries" one. What is your favourite Pepsi product? Mountain Dew. Is the computer you’re using yours? Yes. Do you get upset when a dog jumps on you? Not at all. I got used to that, and besides, it's cute to see them so excited. Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? World of Warcraft, sometimes. I usually play it daily, but there are some days where I just am not interested in it. What do you like on your pizza? Meats and/or jalapenos. Do you get breadsticks with your pizza? Mom usually gets 'em, yeah. Did you ever have a waterbed? Yeah. Not one anyone slept on regularly, but just like, a plastic one or whatever the material was to sleep in if someone was staying over. What toy from your childhood do you miss? I wish I didn't get rid of my big crocodile toy that I was obsessed with. :'( He was like the main character in the world I made up for him and his family. Have you ever been to a rock concert? Yeah. \m/ What is your religion? None. Do you like listening to love songs? Meh, I have to be in the mood, plus it depends on the song. A lot of them trigger me. What is one meal that you like to eat while sick? I'm nervous to eat when I'm sick, so I mostly just have saltine crackers and ginger ale. Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? Yeah, when I was a kid and didn't know it was bad for them and the water. I never would now. The name of the last board game that you played? I think it was "Sorry!" with the kids. Has anyone ever commented on your weight? I mean, doctors, but not in a judgmental, belittling way. Just in a way that expressed concern for my health. Have you ever thought about joining the military? NOOOOOOOOOO. Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind? Yes. And I don't mean that as an exaggeration; I believe I've literally qualified as insane at a point after the breakup. I was so fucking delusional and desperate and just going in circles. Are you ever jealous of happy couples? Meh, sometimes. Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? Take a guess. .-. It's been pretty bad lately. Do you ever feel like someone would be disappointed to see your body or are you comfortable with your body enough where you don’t think that? I have a HORRIBLE body image. My body fucking disgusts me. I don't even like my mother seeing me get changed or anything like that. I don't want ANYBODY seeing me naked. What is your favorite flavor of Monster? I don't like any that I've ever had a sip of. Have you ever ran from the police? No. That never goes well. Do you have any trophies? Yeah. Do you like screamo music? No. What does your wallet look like? It's a checkered Harley Quinn one. Is there something nobody knows about you (and what)? Yes. Why would I share that if I don't want anyone to know? Does your family have a secret? No. Do you do anything to help the environment? We recycle. Mom also cuts up those plastic things that come with soda bottles packed together, as well as some other plastic wrappings. We are both disgusted by people who litter, so we avoid that. I also try to conserve water where I can, like by turning the sink off when I brush my teeth. There are other little things, but I wish I did even more. Do you like to take pictures of yourself? FUCK NO. It is so rare I do that nowadays. When/where are you most likely to sing? The car. Would you ever wish to explore a cave? OH MY GOD, PLEEEEEAAAAASE <3 What is the most illegal thing you’ve done? Pirated an expensive editing software, oops. :x Have you ever seen somebody get shot? LKJ;ALSDJFA;JWELKRJLW;Q NOOOOOOOOO.

[ziracona]

so can u tell us a little about ur characterization of Lisa?? What's she like inside and outside of trials? Does she have a lot of lucidity, what were her relationships with others like, would she ever get better, do you think? ( im SAD.) Just. What's she like!! Also, same for Sally? Oh! And I'm rly enjoying two songs by Meg Myers which maybe you'll like? Running up that hill (Cover) and Desire. Maybe check em out? :3 - Sleepy

Sure!

My Lisa is from a bit before the archives for her placed her (early 1970s), because I wrote ILM back when there was no date given for many killers or survivors, so I just hoped they were historically accurate with the things they did mention & went through a fairly exhaustive list of drained swamps in the Southern US & paddleboat makes & placed her according to that data (it’s been a bit so I don’t remember the exact date without looking up my notes) in the 1920s-1930s, I believe? And in her early 20s, since she’s described as a girl & young woman, which DbD usually does only for characters in their early 20s. (Which I’d still assume is her age, bc even though her archives, if you go by them, have her in her teens, they’re not connected to the events of her disappearance/definitely happened before them.)

In trials, Lisa has like 0 lucidity. I talk about this some in chapter notes, so I’ll try to give a quick overview instead but sry if I restart myself. She’s so starved that any time she sees a living being, she is just completely overcome with hunger and can’t do anything but operate on it. Very scary. Feral. Like being attacked by a starving animal. She’s super out of it, and is completely wild and violent and has no control, only the need to eat. Outside of trials, if no one is around, she’s lucid again, but will remember trials and what she did to people, and spends that time in horror and despair. She’s tried to kill herself before, because the last thing she ever wanted was to become the thing she swore vengeance on (the Entity’s a real cruel motherfucker. Did the same to Rin, to Philip, to everyone it could. Likes to really twist decent people into what they would most despair to be), but in the realm, she’s stuck as it. She’s not really aware for trials, but remembers them with decent clarity, and is in constant agony over what she’s done. Unfortunately, suicide does not take in the realm, and every one of her attempts failed, just like her attempts to maim or tie herself up so she wouldn’t be able to hurt people did. She’s horribly alone and despairing, and also in physical agony. She’s at the worst end of what a human can be at as far as emaciation and starvation while still being alive goes, and that’s physically awful. It fucks up your brain chemistry too, and everything is just really fucking miserable all the time. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, your breath smells tastes like rotten fruit but in a way that’s so much worth than that can sound. She’s so hungry, her addons are things like dragonfly wings consumed to give her extra stamina. That’s the kind of bare sliver of relief she ever gets. God, poor Lisa’s life is hell. She’s completely heartbroken and isolated and almost dead. As far as relationships go, she didn’t have any for a long time. No one can really interact with her, because she goes feral at the sight of food. She’s kinda utterly alone. But briefly, when Alex, Philip, Vigo, Benedict, and Sally were a group, she kind of got stumbled into, and after a kind of nasty first encounter, was able to regain lucidity around other people, and had a truly sweet and memorable and invaluable bit of time with love and friends and other people. She was kind of in love with Sally, who did her hair for her and was really kind to her, and Sally liked her too. They were close. Lisa was close with all of them. But when things ended the way they did, the Entity took that away. Lisa remembers it, but she could never get them or it back, and was cast aside and left behind until the end of ILM, when she finally got peace and found happiness in finally getting to be at rest in the arms of a friend. Overal, she’s a fairly young and wide-eyed, bright, cautious, fun and sweet girl by nature, now massively traumatized and hopeless and broken, but still with a truly incredible amount of that kind nature retained. She would have really loved reading fantasy novels aloud and exploring the worlds of lore and history, travelling, seeing other cultures and geographic features and animals. Enjoys fashion too, and has a heart for designing and making cool, personal and cultural and symbolic tied designs, and would have been both great at that and loved it if she’d lived long enough. (Shoutout to @artianaiolanthe who inspired the fashion take & it is so suited to her I love it). A little shy, but an extrovert at heart under it, just a nervous one. Loved people. Liked climbing trees and fording brooks and baking bread and throwing rocks and baseballs to knock a target out of a tree and win a prize at little town fairs. Didn’t get the length or quality of life she was owed, and it’s just not fair or okay at all. Liked to watch the stars.

As far as getting better goes, mentally, totally. If they could get her out of the realm or break the Entity’s connection, she’d immediately stop killing. She has never done it of her own free will. She’s a sweet small town kid who was just trying to live her life. As far as physically goes though, Lisa is in one of the worst possible spots. Unlike say Amanda, who was on death’s door but healed by the Entity, or the Legion, who weren’t injured at all, Lisa was on death’s door and like Adiris, did not get healed. Just preserved in that near-death state and forced to work in it. Honestly, it’s possible she could survive long enough to get to a hospital and be saved, but at best, she’d probably live another year. When you starve, your body begins to catabolize/eat your own tissue to save itself, starting with fat, and ending with muscles and organs, which, when it reaches the heart, kills you. Lisa was so close to dead, the organ damage was probably awful, and would leave her with complications that would take her very young. The most likely thing, since she was saved literally seconds before death, would be for her to step outside the realm and immediately die. However, it’s possible she got lucky on body damage and could be saved—kinda up to interpretation—and if say, she was around for Quentin’s Vigil going healing batshit, and got some organs repaired that way, she’d have a real shot. (I also am sad. Lisa was actually the only determinate character in ILM to me/that I wasn’t sure the ending for, and while I am very happy with what ended up being her closure, I also would like to see her live for even more love and peace TuT. Lol, if I ever end up doing my goddamn four fate route fics like I’ve joked now a truly dangerous number of times about doing [>.> me @ me] then maybe she will get a variety of lives in the end). I’m glad you wanted to know! I really like and pity her. This poor kid really did nothing wrong, much like Rin, and just got eternally tortured for asking for help and justice against the monsters who took her life so violently. Fuck Brittany. (Read: the Entity.)

Ahhhh Sally. My sweet, sweet girl. Uhhh, not sure which of the Lisa questions you meant for her too, so I’ll try to speed-answer them all? Sally’s intelligent and understanding and thoughtful, patient, polite, almost elegant despite how impoverished she spent most of her life—she just tries to act like a lady and treat people with as much respect and esteem as she can (unless they suck lol). She’s also very mentally damaged and not there though, and has extremely unstable mood swings, especially into despair. Her relationships with the other killers were limited. She talked to & was on polite terms with any who would talk to her and not be condescending or a dick so openly she’d pick up on it (so like, on cordial terms with Evan, Herman, Caleb if she’d been there that long, but not like, Kenneth or Freddy or someone who wouldn’t bother to put up an act). But mostly, after figuring out she wasn’t really of any use to them, they quit communicating with her. Sally has been extremely isolated since shortly after being taken. She believes that the survivors are innocent and suffering and knows that they don’t deserve the hunt, but has no way to stop the whole system, and has been convinced by the Entity that if she does a good job and earns moris, the ones she strangles to death get to stay dead instead of coming back after death to suffer endlessly again, so she works very dedicatedly and slowly trying to earn kills to save them. It took her physical eyes when it got her and lets her see through it’s powers, and uses that to randomize what survivors look like in her memory so she doesn’t catch wise it’s the same people over and over and she’s not saving them at all. It’s extremely tragic. God it’s one of the most cruel Entity tricks, which is saying a lot. Poor gentle woman is Sisyphus pushing a boulder up a hill day after day year after year and she doesn’t even know how hopeless and meaningless it all is. : (

When the Vigo-Philip-Alex-Benedict team was going, though, she met and attacked, then was convinced to instead befriend them, and quickly became very attached and well liked by them. Met Lisa while with the group, and became extremely fond of her and loving towards her and was truly, truly happy for a brief period of time. Still remembers her, even as lost as all her memories are. Not her name, but what she looked like to Sally, and how her hair felt, and how nice it was. Sally would have considered everyone in that group a dear friend, and in ILM, Philip most definitely becomes her deepest, closest, and best friend, just like she does to him. She’s a very faithful woman to her soul. Loved her family, loved her husband and mourned him, worked as hard as she could. Cared for her patients, and did her best in that hell until the Entity slowly whittled away at her sanity until it broke her mind and left her convinced the only way to end their pain would be to give them death, and she had to do it to save them. Sally loves little pretty things and neatness and collections. Flowers, bows and ribbons, china and colored glass. She would have treasured gifts like decorative holiday cards and carved animal figures and left them on her mantle or carefully tucked in lovingly organized and decorated books she could open to revisit the memory. Likes dresses and skirts and the way the wind feels. Hopeful and very enduring. Loving. Had a mom heart, and will never really get entirely over the loss of her children, but is strong and kind and will find new love that makes life still worth living in other people. Will remember both kindness and cruelty a long, long time. Loved Quentin from the second he gave her flowers (Dwight: Quentin, why did the entity let you have three moms? Quentin: Because I fucking earned it >:[“ [author’s note: he did. God that poor kid...]). Loved Kate from the day she sat with her in a hospital and held her hand. Is like that. Remembers small kindness and treasures them.

Sally could definitely recover. Not all the way probably, physically or mentally, but by far enough to be complete and happy and realized and who she wants. She never meant to hurt people, so she really just needs some stability, and I think she finds that with her new family. I mean, it is a lot to adjust to. It’s been like nearly 100 years. The Entiry broke her mind, and she’s got some damage that just probably can’t ever be fixed, but a lot can be, with drugs and treatments and therapy and kindness and a good support system, and honestly, the biggest things she needs are people to keep her memories together and herself present, and influences to protect her from being manipulated and controlled now that she’s so suggestible and easy to hurt, and she’s got that. I am 100% certain that while some things—the scatteredness, the ease of slipping into other moods especially deep sadness, the different way of thinking altogether—never leave her, she gets better in the most important ways and is truly happy and quite functional and what she wants to be. While there’s no way (yet anyway lol. Cybernetics that good when?) to give her new eyes since the Entity ripped hers out, and she’s blind now, and can’t be changed, her seeing eye dog does a great job for her, and she’s very happy and adjusts well. She has a lot of friends to be her eyes, and learns to lean into what she can do and has a quite fulfilling and blissful life outside the realm in ILM.

Also: thanks for the recs! I’m going on a run soon, and I’ll add those to my iPod and give ‘em a listen if I can. Hope this answered what you wanted to know! ^u^

[cartermarcian]

4Kids Korner - Season 2 - Episode 3

I'm a bit late this week because I got caught up with work and school-related dread, but now I'm back to bring you more 4Kids products! This week we have an epic trifepic: Winx Club Magazine Issue one - the castle, Kirby Right Back at Ya - Ice Kirby (DVDouble-Shot) and Kirby Right Back at Ya - Kirby Comes to Cappy Town!

Let's start by getting the smallest one out of the way. Here's Kirby Right Back at Ya - Ice Kirby (2005)

There's something I oddly like about DVDouble-Shot. Starting In 2005, the DVDouble-Shot line was introduced featuring two-Episode DVDs of 4Kids most profitable shows as a way of promoting 4Kids TV. As for the consumer, the main selling point is that you could buy them for a low price, collect and possibly trade them with your friends, kind of like Pokémon cards. I like the idea of one kid saying to the other on the playground, "hey, wanna trade your Ninja Turtles for my YuGiOh?" How successful they were, I have no idea, but they're fun and easy to review on this show. Given their small portion size, practically every DVDouble-Shot is the same. This one had the episodes "The Chill Factor" and "DeDeDe's Snow Job," in accordance with the ice theme of the disc. It also features assorted promos for then-current and upcoming 4Kids shows identical to those seen in the 4Kids TV September demo disc (which I will hopefully review some time in the future.) Before we move on, though there's one little thing I want to point out about the box art. You can't see it in the photos I've provided, but the ice monster on the cover is far more pixelated than Kirby, if you look closely at it, so it appears to me that they lifted it right out of the episode and placed it on the cover. I guess that's just what happens when no official art of a character exists for your graphic designers to use...

Now that we have that one out of the way, let's talk about the stars of today's episode, which actually turned out to have much more historical value than most of the other stuff in my collection. So say hello to the Winx Club Magazine Premiere Issue, The Castle (2005)

This is a very special addition to my collection not only because it's part of what I consider to be 4Kids' absolute peak year, but since the book was presumably printed in January of 2005, it means this was one of the first pieces of of merchandise to feature the now-famous 4Kids TV logo. Heck it might have even been printed before then. As for the book itself, it's quite cute as it features everything an 8-11 year old girl wanting to be a hip and trendy 2000s teenager could want, and contains surprisingly few ads for Winx Club merch. And even more adorable, is the publisher's attempts to fit that description using words like "slammin'" in sentences. I call it a magazine, but it's really more dedicated to the comic included, "The Castle," which I would have read, but I needed to get some sleep the day I read it, so I skimmed the book's numerous activities, instead. But for those still interested, the comic is a retelling of Bloom's enrollment in Alfea, with original art that's pretty accurate to the actual show. But the book's real allure is the activities. Like the free trading card you'll see in the photo above. It even comes with a full-page description of what a trading card game is, making reference to YuGiOh in the process, which I thought was funny since 4Kids owned that, and also because it heavily implies that only boys play YuGiOh when the show itself has many female duelists. After that, you have a faux interview with Bloom taken from the perspective of a fellow Alfea Student. What I remember most clearly about that, is that Bloom says she listens to top 40's, which made me think "man, she's got some trash music taste," even though I, myself have said on multiple occasions off of tumblr that I listen to basically everything. Also included on the magazine are a paper fortune-telling toy, a best friend diary which includes a "secret crush" slot to fill in, a page for writing down predictions about the reader's future, and even a personality test which assigns your traits to a type of flower, as suggested by Flora on the page. The funny thing about this is that one question asks for the reader's favorite kind of movie, and one of the options is "anime everything," which I thought was funny since anime was just starting to get big at that time in America, and the online anime community was just starting to grow. Finally, on the last page, probably the most creative of all, is a step-by-step slumber party plan by Musa, which details inviting everyone over, having them show up dressed as their favorite popstar (like Brittany Spears, for example) and bring their favorite CD from said popstar, then taking turns playing them and talking about them. It sounds quite fun, and it made me smile imagining all the little kids who tried this. That's exactly what I think is awesome about children's entertainment: it makes them happy and builds their imagination. So that's the Winx Club Magazine, a really good buy, but I must admit they used the same art of the girls more than once on a few occasions, and also wrote in a plot hole in the interview with Bloom, where she says she discovered her powers as a child, but in the show she unlocks them at her current age when saving Stella from the first monsters of the series. So it may have a couple flukes, but still quite enjoyable.

And last, but never least, it's time for Kirby Right Back at Ya: Kirby Comes to Dream Land (2002)

This one is also historically significant for two reasons. One is that it was the very first release of one of the more famous non-Pokémon/YuGiOh shows 4Kids had to offer, but it also played a part in promoting the very launch of the Fox Box, as you'll see on the box art. This disc may only have the first three episodes of the show, but it super makes up for it with a plethora of special features, more than any of the DVDs I currently own, and that they strangely enough don't tell you about on the box. And speaking of the box, though you might not see it, the episode descriptions on the back are written entirely in comic sans. Yeah, it's clear to see 4Kids wasn't quite as sharp as they would be in the next few years... and the DVD menus are also written entirely in this font. But that doesn't take away from the outstanding value. much like the Fright to the Finish DVD, this one's special features are split between two menus. For this one, there's "More Kirby" and "Added Attractions," which is the far superior one, but more on that in a minute. The More Kirby menu features a character gallary telling you about the main cast, set to music from the show. Then there's "Kirbyoke," which is there to teach the kids the words to the theme song. And finally, we have a preview for the next DVD in the series, which at that point hadn't a proper name, so Mike Pollock's voice just refers to it as "Kirby Right Back at Ya Volume 2." Then, in the "Added Attractions" menu, we have a promo for Cubix - Robots for Everyone's first DVD release, a short promo for the newly-launched FoxBox.TV website, and the star of this review by far, "What's Inside The Fox Box?!" This incredible 14 minute long promo (which you can find on Youtube, by the way,) previews every single show in the Fox Box's initial lineup as a way of hyping up the network for it's September 2002 launch. Well, kind of... You see, 4Kids made multi-minute promos for their own productions, complete with plot synopses by Mike Pollock and others and theme songs for the shows. Meanwhile, Stargate Infinity, a third-party show, only got a promo featuring still images of the main cast, a paper-thin explanation of the plot and no opening, all clocking in at under a minute. So, yeah, pretty lame move on 4Kids part, but at least we get to see HD footage of 4Kids lost Ultraman Tiga dub. Ultimately, it's a really fun promo from 4Kids' very beginnings as a dedicated children's entertainment company, even though it uses some uncut clips of guns in Fighting Foodons since the dub wasn't finished at that point. One last thing to point out: the promo for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (which hadn't even started production at the time,) features an unused theme song demo for the series which also made it's way onto the illusive Fox Box CD. So there you have it, one of the DVDs that started it all. Thanks for reading about it, as well as my other items this week. I will be back with more next week, so hang in there, and I'll see you all next time. Take care!

[pezberryandotherlesbians]

Things Change - Part Two

you can find Part 1 here

Sometimes Santana can’t tell what’s the truth and what she’s saying in aim of some sort of result. Most of the time, she forgets what she’s aiming for, too. 

When Brody arrives Santana is the first to greet him. ‘Good evening, muscles. May I take your coat?’ She leans in to whisper her next words, still loud enough for Rachel and Kurt to hear. ‘Unless you got a little somethin’ somethin’ in there you don’t want Rachel to see.’ ‘Santana!’ Rachel snaps. ‘She’s kidding, babe. Hi.’ She grips Brody’s arm and kisses him passionately. Santana grimaces and gestures sticking a finger down her throat. ‘Okay, gross. Even if he’s not a drug dealer the way he moves his lips like that is definitely a deal breaker.’ Kurt snickers before whispering a chastising, ‘Santana.’ ‘What? It looks like he’s trying to siphon something out of her throat.’ Santana adjusts her tight fitting black top. It’s mesh across her shoulders and the top of her chest, her long legs hugged by matching black material, minus the transparency. Her heels click across the floorboards as she flips the Fleetwood Mac record Rachel selected especially for Brody’s arrival. ‘Wow, guys. Do you remember when Mr Schue made us sing practically every song off this record for a week?’ She twists the cover in her hands then looks directly at Rachel. ‘I sang Songbird to Brittany. I wanted her to know, you know? Without having to say it.’ Rachel’s mouth falls open a little bit and her eyes flood with sympathy and something akin to relief. ‘That’s beautiful, Santana.’

‘Who’s Brittany?’ Brody asks, removing his own coat while taking no notice of the way the air has shifted, Rachel smiles gratefully at a nonchalant Santana.

‘Santana’s ex-girlfriend.’ Rachel answers.

‘Oh, bummer.’ Brody looks at Santana. ‘When did you break up?’

‘Brody, I don’t think Santana really wants to talk about that tonight,’ Rachel says quickly and quietly.

‘It’s fine, Rachel. Ken doll over here is practically our fourth roommate. I broke up with Brittany 6 months ago.’ Saying it out loud makes her stomach turn but she acts unfazed. If she’s going to get closer to Rachel, she's going to have to talk about this shit. She’s not even sure if she’s going to follow through will this whole

use Rachel as a distraction until the pain goes away plan

. But in any case, it’s fun to mess with her. And Santana needs a little fun.

‘Are you still in love with her?’ Brody takes a seat at the table and stares up at Santana with his dumb boy face. Rachel gasps and gently hits his arm. ‘Ow, sorry.’

‘Rachel.’ Kurt says warningly, fearful of Santana’s impending reaction. Little does he know, Santana is nowhere close to going all Lima Heights - again. And even if she wanted to, she wouldn’t. That’s not the way to get Rachel to trust her, and her trust is imperative.

Santana serves up the giant salad Kurt made earlier. It has some weird looking vegetables in it but she’s too hungry to question anything. She tried to make a snack earlier but Rachel just kept smacking her hands away, telling her not to fill up on junk. ‘In answer to your question, wax-man, no. I’m not still in love with Brittany.’

‘Wait, really?’ Rachel asks, unable to help herself. Kurt rolls his eyes.

‘Guys, seriously? Is there nothing else we can think to discuss besides Santana’s past lovers?’

‘Stick a sock in it, Porcelain. If Lars and the Real Girl want to know then fine, let’s talk about Brittany. And about how I am no longer in love with her.’

Rachel has that look she wears whenever she feels embarrassed. ‘I just assumed…’

‘Well, you assumed wrong, Berry. Anything else you or your boy toy would like to know before I dig into this terrifying salad?’

‘Hey, I made that!’ Kurt protests.

‘But you’ve seemed so sad. So-so

wounded

. You just go to work and come home and sit there and sometimes you hardly say anything and when you do it’s just this - this

venom

that I chalked up to being a result of your pain. But you don’t love her.’

Oh, crap

. Santana didn’t account for this. ‘Of course I still love her, Barbara. I’m just not in love with her like I used to be.’

‘I get that.’ Brody chimes in. ‘Here’s to moving on.’ He raises a glass and Rachel reluctantly pulls her gaze from Santana. ‘Happy Valentine’s day.’

‘Pass me the salad you pale, pale man.’ Santana snatches the bowl from Kurt’s hands. She pushes her fork into her mouth to keep herself from speaking. She needs to think about what she wants. And how to get it.

Later, when Adam comes over, Santana realises how desperately alone she really is. She cringes almost every time anyone says anything. It’s painful, really, especially when Kurt suggests they watch Mama Mia again. ‘Okay, no. Kurt? We just watched that. Remember?’ Santana takes another sip of her wine while she waits for him to respond. ‘Yes, but not with Brody and Adam!’ He says this like it really makes a difference. ‘Terrific,’ Santana drawls sarcastically. ‘Come on, Santana. I know you have a crush on Amanda Seyfried.’ Rachel says, a little flirtatiously, Santana thinks. Or maybe she’s just drunk. She did text Quinn earlier asking if she wanted to make their wedding hook up a three time thing, so she’s clearly not thinking straight. ‘As long as Kurt doesn’t cry again when Meryl sings The Winner Takes It All because he’s thinking about Blaine.’ Adam grows visibly uncomfortable and Santana smiles. ‘I was crying because I was thinking about Meryl’s rise to the top, thank you very much.’ Santana considers leaving the loft to hang out with the homeless cluster across the street as soon as Rachel and Brody start duetting during every song. ‘Please, for the love of god, shut up.’ Rachel pouts. She’s definitely drunk now, which makes Santana feel better about the way the room spins when she stands up. ‘Don’t go, Santana.’ ‘Turn off the movie and I won’t.’ She spills her wine across the bottom of her top because she forgets she’s holding it. ‘Goddammit.’ She walks clumsily to the bathroom, aware of Rachel trailing behind her. ‘Here, let me.’ Rachel grabs a towel and starts dabbing at Santana’s abdomen. ‘Are you okay?’ Santana frowns. ‘Besides the fact that you and Taylor Lautner have permanently damaged my hearing and sense of joy? Of course I am.’ Rachel gazes up at her. ‘We can talk about Brittany, if you want to. I don’t think I’ve been a very good friend to you.’ She looks upset, like maybe she might cry. Santana really doesn’t want to deal with this, but Rachel keeps dabbing at her hip even though there’s no stain there, so she’s not about to interrupt. ‘You’ve been fine, Berry. You’re right. I’ve been sulking.’ Sometimes Santana can’t tell what’s the truth and what she’s saying in aim of some sort of result. Most of the time, she forgets what she’s aiming for, too. ‘Is it true?’ Rachel asks, lifting Santana’s top to check if the wine went through to her skin. Santana shivers. ‘Is what true?’ ‘Have you fallen out of love with her?’ Rachel wipes her bare skin, then pauses. Santana considers it all. The truth, the lie she wants to tell. She answers when she realises those are the same thing. ‘I don’t love her like I used to. So, yeah. It’s true.’ Rachel throws the towel into the wash basket and lets Santana’s top fall back over her skin. ‘Do you still miss her?’ Santana leans back against the basin to steady herself. She’s dangerously close to seeing two Rachel’s. ‘I miss her. And I miss having someone. I miss sex, the intimacy.’ She doesn’t know why she’s still talking, but Rachel’s eyes are dark and her mouth is slightly parted. She’s looking at Santana like she wants to hear this, all of it. Like it’s doing something to her. Santana just can’t figure out what. ‘Do you miss Finn?’ Santana asks, hoping to deflect the line of questioning so she can catch her breath. Rachel looks at the floor. ‘Yes.’ ‘Do you love him?’ Santana grips the sink. She’s starting to sweat. ‘I think I always will.’ Santana knows that that is the answer she wanted to give Rachel. She loves Brittany, always will. And it’s not that she loves her less right now, she just knows they can’t be their best until they live. Until they have loved other people, even though she hates that guppy face puppy dog she’s chosen to shack up with. ‘Are you okay?’ Rachel is closer now. ‘You look kind of pale.’ ‘I’m fine.’ Santana wants to go to bed, but unfortunately there’s an assortment of men currently draped across her couch. ‘I think I just need to get some sleep.’ Rachel looks worried for a moment and then says, ‘take my bed. Brody and I can share the couch.’ 
Santana chuckles. ‘What, are you planning to sleep inside of each other? Actually, gross, don’t answer that.’ Rachel smiles, a little charmed by Santana’s consistency. ‘Go, get some sleep. I’ll try to keep the boys quiet.’ Santana looks at Rachel, like really looks at her. ‘Thank you, Rachel.’ She thinks about apologising for earlier, for basically assaulting Rachel against a fridge. Ascribing that word to it makes her feel nauseous, so she doesn’t say anything, just walks past Rachel and kicks off her heels before throwing herself onto Berry scented sheets. Her clothes quickly become uncomfortable so she sheds them until she’s in her lacy black underwear. It’s stupid, she thinks, that nobody is going to see how insanely hot she looks in these. She must fall asleep quickly because she doesn’t rouse at all until a tiny gremlin starts shaking her. ‘Santana, wake up. It’s Rachel.’ ‘Who else would it be, Hobbit?’ She slurs. She practically feels Rachel roll her eyes. ‘Move over. I need to sleep in here. Brody is having some kind of…well, he’s moaning and aroused and I can’t sleep next to him if he’s going to…just move over.’ Santana manages to cackle despite the heaviness that is pushing down on her. ‘Your boyfriend is having a sex dream next to you so you had to run away? What, scared he’s gonna spray you?’ ‘Don’t be so crass, Santana. I’m just not prepared to service him at this hour.’ ‘Jesus. Where did you learn to speak?’ ‘Are you naked?’ Rachel darts a hand out to touch Santana’s stomach. ‘I can’t feel any clothing.’ Santana thinks about smacking her hand away until she tunes into how nice the contact feels. Like earlier, but better. A ripple of arousal settles between her legs. ‘I’m not naked, but feel free to keep checking.’ Rachel huffs and climbs in next to her. ‘Are you naked, Rachel?’ This is all a lot more fun now Rachel is here, especially since Quinn replied saying she’s dating a new professor now so there’s no chance of a repeat. ‘I can’t sense any clothing.’ ‘Very funny, Santana.’ Rachel lays on her side, facing Santana. ‘I hope you’re feeling better than earlier.’ Santana cringes despite the darkness. ‘I’m fine.’ ‘Have you thought about dating?’ Rachel asks. She’s perky, a little too alert after her walk through the loft. She also desperately wants to continue their conversation from earlier, and it’s not every night she has Santana in her bed. ‘Why are you still talking?’ Santana rolls over, away from Rachel. The diva blinks at the ceiling and considers her options. After weighing up the potential fall out, she decides to continue pressing. ‘You said you miss intimacy,’ she whispers. ‘I said a lot of things. I was drunk.’ Santana is awake now. Despite herself, her wave of sleep has passed over her, leaving her to wade in the water with Rachel. ‘I know you meant it.’ Rachel says. ‘And I understand.’ ‘How could you possibly understand? You have a mannequin out there that is literally hard for you.’ Even saying the words makes Santana’s throat close up. The thought of Brody being any harder than he already is is too much for her to take. ‘That’s not intimacy.’ Rachel says, refusing to take the bait. She doesn’t want to detour them with a fight, not while they’re maybe, possibly getting somewhere. ‘What is it then?’ Santana rolls onto her back so she’s better able to hear Rachel’s response.

‘It’s sex. It’s physical. It has nothing to do with me. Well, not all the time. I don’t - I don’t love him. We don’t make love.’ Rachel admits, her voice quieter than Santana has ever heard it. She doesn’t know what to say, although she thinks back to all times she didn’t make love in high school. Before Brittany, maybe even after. God knows she’s not in love with Quinn. Something comes over Santana then. Something uncontrollable. It’s the same sensation she felt earlier when she pushed Rachel. She can’t take another second of this ache, the numbness beneath the pain. She needs to feel something else. In one movement she rolls over and finds Rachel’s face in the dark. When she kisses her she can feel that Rachel is trying to speak, but she stops after a second. She didn’t expect her to kiss her back, but when she does it wakes her up. She hears her own heavy breathing, Rachel’s whimper of surprise, the way small hands grip her arm, her waist. She pulls back like she’s tasted fire.

‘Fuck.’ She sits up, away from Rachel. This was not a part of the plan. The stupid plan that is nothing more than a game inside her own head, one she never should have given attention.

‘Santana, what…what was that?’ Rachel sounds more than just confused. She’s utterly dumbfounded. She touches her lips with her fingers, feels the moisture Santana’s left on her own. Her boyfriend is sleeping just a few steps away.

‘Shit, I was dreaming. I thought…I don’t know.’ It’s a flimsy excuse, a pathetic one that is practically nonsensical but Santana doesn’t know what else to say.

‘Did you mean to kiss me?’ Rachel sits up. ‘Or were you thinking of someone else?’ She sounds wounded already. Santana rolls her eyes.

‘Does that matter? Washboard is sleeping on my couch, remember?’ She feels like maybe they can just breeze past this. Chalk up to the darkness, the wine, the emotional conversation.

‘It matters.’ Rachel says softly.

Santana can’t make sense of this right now. Her head is pounding and she just

kissed

Rachel. ‘Why?’

‘Were you thinking about Brittany?’

‘Jesus, give it up already.’ Santana gets out of bed and searches for her clothes. ‘I’m just tired. I didn’t mean for this, okay?’

‘Quinn?’ Rachel sounds devastated. Santana squints at her through the darkness, trying to see something on her face that tells her what the fuck is going on.

‘God, no. Not Quinn. Not Brittany. Not anybody, okay?’ She slides into her pants. ‘I’ll sleep in the bathroom.’

‘Don’t go, Santana. It’s fine. We can forget about it.’ Rachel pleads.

‘You wanna forget about it?’ Santana doesn’t know why she asks. Maybe she just wants to feel like she’s back in control of this situation, and this is the only way she knows how. ‘You wanna forget about how that was the best kiss you’ve ever had? That Brody or Finn’s man lips don’t compare to my juicy, delectable mouth? Just wait until you feel my tongue, Rachel. You won’t even remember Barbara’s last name.’

She can see through the moonlight that Rachel’s jaw drops a little. She smirks, only faltering when she hears Rachel’s next words.

‘I’m going back to sleep with Brody. The bed is yours if you want it.’ She watches Rachel walk away, hears Brody’s deep voice welcome her back. When she crawls back into Rachel’s sheets, she wishes she could redo the last 20 minutes so much that it gives her a headache on top of her headache.

[brittanafics]

Life With The Lopez-Pierce’s (Chapters 1 and 2)

Chapter 1: 

Life for Santana and Brittany couldn’t have been more blissful and joyous ever since their wedding day. Once they returned from their honeymoon, they decided to get their shit together and commit to college … without dropping out this time.

Brittany applied to NYADA as a dance major. Brittany moved Carmen Tibideaux with her contemporary dance number to the Pretenders’ “I’ll Stand By You”. She was there with Mercedes when Finn told her about how his mom walked in on him singing that song to the hologram of the fetus he thought was his baby, and she wanted to do something in his honor, even if it was just an audition that only one person was going to be there for. Almost immediately after graduation, she ended up being a backup dancer for Sony Entertainment and all their artists. She even was Mercedes’ backup dancer for her first headline tour.

Santana also enrolled in NYADA. She didn’t know why she was so hesitant to apply there when Kurt and Rachel were both students there, but deep down she knew that she didn’t think she was talented enough at the time and didn’t want to humiliate herself with a rejection letter. Surprisingly though, Rachel put a good word in with Carmen Tibideaux for her and Brittany, which she wasn’t going to lie, helped a lot. Even with the good word Rachel put in though, at the end of the day they got in because of their talent. Santana wouldn’t have gotten in without her moving cover of Adele’s “Set Fire To The Rain”. Kurt told her all about how she needs to sing something emotional and not go overboard with props, because he definitely didn’t want her to repeat his mistake. After graduation, Santana went back to Broadway, and even played Fanny Brice in “Funny Girl”. Permanently this time.

Once they got employed after graduation, Brittany and Santana both agreed that they wanted to start a family. They decided to go with adoption because one, Brittany is a dancer and didn’t want to jeopardize her career with a pregnancy that would seriously affect her body forever, and two, Santana knew that she wouldn’t be able to handle a pregnancy. All those hormones … did not sound appealing to her. Plus, Brittany also felt bad about all the kids in the foster care system who needed parents. These kids needed parents and a home, and Brittany and Santana needed kids to give a home to. So, adoption it is. The adoption process was incredibly frustrating and long to say the least, but after a couple of months they adopted their three-month-old baby, Jacob Lopez-Pierce.

Fifteen years later, Jacob Lopez-Pierce is the captain of the chess club at the public high school right next to their house. Jacob unfortunately isn’t as popular as his moms were in high school. It’s bad enough that everyone in school knows who his moms are, and that he even has two moms in the first place but being the captain of the chess club is even worse than being in the glee club, and the kids in New York still like to throw slushies too. He doesn’t mention any of this to his moms though. He doesn’t figure that his moms would take it well that they were the most popular girls in high school and he’s at the bottom of the high school food chain. It makes him feel like a disappointment, like he’s the complete opposite of what his moms expected him to be. The simple solution would be to quit chess club, but he loves it too much to do that. If there’s one thing his moms taught him, it’s that he shouldn’t stop doing what he loves just because it’s considered “lame”. His moms told him all about glee club.

Chess was his glee club. He first fell in love with it when Brittany taught him how to play a couple of years ago. It was one of the few things she enjoyed doing during her short-lived time at MIT. It was one of the first things that him and his mom connected over. He couldn’t hit a note to save his life, and he was an even worse dancer than Finn. He wasn’t artistic in anyway. He wasn’t as athletic as his cheerleading moms were either. He tried out for the football team and didn’t get in … and the lacrosse team, ice hockey, rugby, etc. He even tried out for the cheerleading team too. The one thing he was good at though was chess. And math. Those things came easy to him.

However, his mom found out about this secret when he came come one day drenched in whatever was in those slushies. Earlier that day, about a dozen jocks slushied him at once … and this time he couldn’t clean it off before he got home. Santana was about to lose it.

“Jacob, who the fuck did this to you because I am about to go all Lima Heights!”

“Just a couple of guys on the football team it’s no big deal.” Jacob tried to explain. All he wanted was to go take a shower and study for the history exam he has tomorrow, but he knows that his mom was not going to let this go.

“No big deal?? No big deal?? Are you fucking kidding me Jacob! I’m gonna need names because I’m not gonna let whoever did this to you get away with this!” Santana exclaimed

“What are you and mom going to do? Go to the principal and tell him all about how this is bullying and you’re not going tolerate that.” Jacob said, mocking his other mom.

“What the fuck did you just say. No, you don’t get to disrespect your mother like that. Just go to your room and we’ll deal with this once your mom gets back home from the studio” Santana said. She knew her son wasn’t the most popular guy at school but she had no idea that this is how he was being treated.

Chapter 2:

When Brittany got back home from the dance studio, Santana didn’t waste a minute. She immediately told her about the fight she had with their son. She was furious at him for making fun of Brittany and mocking her, but she was also angry at herself for not protecting him for the bullying he’s experiencing at school. She’s his mother, it’s her job to shelter him from all the bad shit. Since Santana hasn’t calmed down, Brittany was going to be the one to talk to Jacob about all of this and try to figure out what happened.

She opens the bedroom door to find him on the phone with none other than Barbra St. James, Rachel and Jesse’s kid. They’re around the same age and have been best friends ever since they were born, even though they have almost nothing in common. Rachel and Santana have been in a lot of the same Broadway shows over the years, so they would always bring their kids to watch rehearsals when they were younger. If you would’ve told Brittany and Santana in high school that their child would be Rachel Berry’s daughter’s best friend, they would not have believed it.

“I’ve got to go I’ll call you later B.” Jacob said as he hung up on his best friend. He was telling her all about what happened with his Mami earlier.

“So, you’re back from work?” He asked awkwardly. The last thing he wants right now is to have this conversation. He just wants to get it done and over with so he could go back to talking to Barbra.

“Yeah. Mami told me what happened at school today, and also about the comment you made about me. If you’re going to make fun of me, at least make an attempt to make it a bit funny.” Brittany said jokingly.

“Mom I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to be so rude. You know I care a lot about you mom and I’m never making fun of you again. I shouldn’t have in the first place.” As angry as he was about what happened to him at school, his mom had nothing to do with it and he shouldn’t have taken out his anger on her. He realizes that now

“Honestly, between me and you it seems like Mami is angrier about that than I am. But still, we’re worried about you. What’s going on at school and why didn’t you tell us baby.” Brittany asked.

“People at school don’t like me that much like I told Mami it’s really not that big of a deal. I didn’t want you guys because I didn’t want you disappoint you. I’ve seen the pics in your high school yearbook. You two were the most popular girls in school. And then there’s me, the biggest loser at school. I’m the complete opposite of the son you and Mami want me to be.” Jacob said. It was always easy for him to open up to his mother. She was one of the most understanding and empathetic people he knew.

“Well, have you ever seen the pictures of us from Junior Prom?” Brittany asked. Jacob did not know what this had to do with the conversation they were having but he’s assuming it’s going to make sense eventually.

“No.” Jacob replied

A few minutes later, Brittany pulled out a picture of Santana and Dave Karofsky from that night and showed it to her son.

“Mami’s bisexual?” Jacob asked, being genuinely confused. He had no idea why his mom went to her junior prom with a man. Before today he didn’t even think it was a possibly for his mom to be interested in men.

Brittany chuckled at that question. “No, I am but she’s definitely a lesbian.” Brittany explained.

“Then why did she go to her junior prom with this random guy?”

“That guy is Dave Karofsky. I asked your Mami to go to the prom with me, but she wouldn’t even let me ask her on the popular internet talk show I used to have, Fondue for Two. I should show you some of the episodes one day but yeah she didn’t go to her junior prom with me.”

“Why wouldn’t she go to the prom with you, you two love each other.” Jacob considered himself smart, but he had no idea what was going on.

“That guy in the picture? He made uncle Kurt transfer schools and that’s how he met Uncle Blaine. He used to bully Kurt for being the most unicorn of them all at our high school. But he met his soulmate because of that. Mami wasn’t as brave as you are now when she was your age. That’s why she pretended to date Dave Karofsky instead of going to the prom with me. She cared more about being popular than being herself. She wanted to be prom queen so badly, but do you know who was prom queen that year?”

Jacob shook his head.

“Uncle Kurt! They voted for him to make fun of him, but he still had something that all the girls at school wanted because he wasn’t afraid to be himself. He even slow danced with Uncle Blaine. It was so romantic. At the end of the day, it wasn’t better for her to pretend she was someone she wasn’t, even if it made her popular and saved her from bullying. We don’t care if you’re considered a loser. We’re all losers, you’re just brave enough to show it. Your Mami and I couldn’t be prouder to have a son like you.” Brittany explained.

Jacob understands the point his mom is making, and he had to admit that it makes sense. It’s good to know that his moms don’t care that he’s such a loser, even though he knows that his moms would’ve totally bullied him if they went to high school together. He actually finds that hilarious. Despite that however, he still has pent up anger inside of him from being bullied every day in school.

“We’re still going to have to talk to your principal though because what happened is mean, it’s bullying, and I won’t accept it.”

Jacob just nodded and agreed. He figured it’s better to pretend that he feels okay now than having a longer conversation with his mother about his problems. And she did actually make him feel like he doesn’t hide the fact that he’s getting bullied anymore. This conversation wasn’t completely useless.

“Finish your conversation with Barbra because your Mami and I are going to order dinner soon okay?” Brittany said before she felt the room.

Santana was outside the bedroom eavesdropping on the whole conversation. “My pep talks are starting to get better than Mr. Schue’s, right?” Brittany asked Santana excitedly.

Santana gave Brittany the biggest genuine smile her face could possibly make. She’s never been so in love with her wife. “When did you get so smart?” Santana asked before she leaned in to kiss Brittany.

“Gross!” Jacob exclaimed as he opened his bedroom door and saw his moms kissing.

[jazziehart]

Character Dissection [Rachel Berry]: Episode by Episode - Season 1A

Welcome to my very first character dissection of one of the characters I dislike the most, Rachel Berry. If you are a Rachel fan I think many of you won’t like this dissection so I advise you to proceed with caution. Rachel has some good qualities about her but a lot of my focus is on the bad. I will be doing dissections of her from Seasons 1 to 3 since after that I really didn’t watch the show as prudently. 

Today we’re focusing on Season 1A Rachel going from Pilot to Sectionals. I have to say of the three seasons this version of Rachel actually bothered me the least and had rootable qualities. While she was somewhat unbearable at times she still had the underdog spirit and was someone you could root for whereas in the later seasons she became so much more entitled and was never put in her place.

Let’s start off with the Pilot episode. Rachel is introduced as an ambitious girl who is willing to do anything to get what she wants which comes with a price. While her motives for getting Sandy fired are because he didn’t give her a solo, she actually does the glee club and the school a major favor. He was preying on some of the young guys, something she had accused him of and would later go on to be proven in a throw away line from Puck. Rachel is shown to be a perfectionist, and when the club is at its worst she worries that it will hinder her reputation as a performer which is the only thing she has left at this point. Once Will finds Finn, it all changes for Rachel. Rachel has always had a crush on Finn and the fact that he’s a strong male lead appeals to her making her like him more than ever before. She’s more determined than ever to make the Glee Club great and even after Will leaves, she takes over the club wanting so badly to capture the magic she knows it has in it. Finn has left the glee club and she goes to convince him to come back even though Finn is resistant thinking his reputation is on the line to which Rachel simply tells him that he’s better than all of them. Finn soon realizes Rachel is right and returns to Glee Club which Rachel is the first one to be welcoming to. She, Finn, and the rest of the New Directions prepare ‘Don’t Stop Believin’’ which Will hears and is drawn back to the club for good.  

Now moving onto Showmance. This episode the Glee Club comes together as one but is at a hinderance when Will won’t listen to the fact that Disco is out and would make the New Directions even more of outcasts. Rachel also finds herself wanting to be more like Quinn to try to get Finn’s attention which leads her to try making herself throw up which doesn’t work out. Emma catches her and advises her to try to bond more with him and find common interests which Rachel takes seriously. This leads Rachel to joining the celibacy club to get close to Finn, much to Quinn’s dismay. Rachel soon makes a speech about how celibacy isn’t practical which futher infuriates Quinn but intrigues the boys who have been trying to get the girls to give in. This leads Rachel to a new idea of how to get the school on their side at the pep assembly, to sell sex. She and the New Directions go behind Will’s back and prepare ‘Push It’ which excites most of the students besides Quinn who is now even more infurtated espeically with seeing Rachel all over her boyfriend during the number. Their actions aren’t without reprocussions as they get a new songlist making Will upset with Rachel for possibly hurting the Glee Club thinking they won’t get any new members. However, this theory is proven wrong when the Unholy Trinity join, mostly due to Quinn wanting to keep Rachel away from Finn. Meanwhile, Rachel and Finn are having a lunch together which leads to Finn falling more for Rachel, even kissing her. He soon gets turned on and has to run away, leading Rachel to believe she did something wrong. Rachel is infurated as well with the Glee Club’s newest editions as well as the fact that her solo in ‘Don’t Stop Believin’’ was now given to Quinn, which leads her to wanting to leave the club for good.

Moving onto probably my least favorite episode, Acafellas. There actually isn’t too much that I can say about this episode. Funny enough this is probably one of my favorite episodes of Rachel. She doesn’t let her selfish ways affect her and she stands up for the club against Dakota Stanley whom they hired to help with the choreography. She’s the glue that gets the club back together even though Will is off pursuing his boyband dreams but welcomes him back with open arms when he returns, despite feeling like he ruined things for her. This is the Rachel that I actually enjoy when she isn’t all about herself and realizes things are so much bigger than just her. It’s episodes like these that remind me why Rachel was such an essential character in the beginning of Glee.

Up next is Preggers which is probably one of the best episodes in Season 1. Rachel sadly goes back to her old selfish ways and throws a hissy fit when Tina gets the lead solo in ‘Tonight’ from West Side Story. She insists that song was made for her (though to be honest I preferred Jenna’s version in Season 1 to Lea and Darren’s in Season 3 but I digress). Sue and Sandy decide to host the school’s musical to try to lure Rachel away and it works. Rachel quits the Glee Club once she gets the lead in Caberet, a very Rachel thing to do.  Will talks to Rachel and tries to get her back. Which temporarily works that is until he continues to keep ‘Tonight’ as a solo for Tina. This enrages Rachel and she quits the club for good.

Following Preggers was The Rhodes Not Taken. Rachel is working hard in Caberet though, it’s not everything she thought it would be. Finn, however tries to take it upon himself to get Rachel back into the club by flirting with her and leading her on. Rachel is lead to believe by Finn that his relationship with Quinn is questionable and that there’s a chance for them. Rachel then agrees to come back to the club but soon finds out about Quinn’s pregnancy. She slaps Finn calling him a liar and that she wouldn’t come back to the club again. Her mind changes when she watches the New Directions onstage, wishing she could be with them. When April leaves the club, Rachel comes backstage and offers to return stating that being a star meant nothing without her friends. Most of the New Directions are accepting to her rejoining, all but Quinn who still doesn’t trust her relationship with Finn. Rachel does rejoin helping the New Directions with their closing number of ‘Somebody to Love’, cementing the group together for good.

Now moving onto Vitamin D, probably one of the more kooky episodes of early Glee. This episode was the boys vs. girls mashup episode. Rachel is seen being annoyed by the girl’s lack of drive thinking they could easily crush the boys. Rachel looks for Quinn, wanting the group to be whole but most of the other girls don’t seem to care. Rachel confronts Quinn about not being a part of the club. Which Quinn simply states she’s not superwoman and can’t do everything. Rachel tells her no one will judge her about the pregnancy and tries to convince her to come back to the club. Quinn considers what Rachel has to say and does eventually come around. In the meantime, the boys perform and are incredible. Rachel scolds the girls including Quinn who has now rejoined telling them that they should’ve worked harder. Kurt, however reveals the real reason the guys did so well, they took Vitamin D. Rachel confronts Finn about this calling him a cheater. Rachel and the girls soon decide to level the playing field and also take Vitamin D to enhance their performance, all but Quinn who takes folic acid since she’s pregnant. The girls also put on an energetic and fantastic performance. Will seems torn about who should win, that is until it’s discovered about the club taking Vitamin D which leads to Figgins enlisting the help of Sue to be Will’s co-director, making everything more complicated.

Now onto Throwdown, another incredible episode. In this episode the club is divided by Sue who wants them against each other. Will ends up with Rachel, Finn, Quinn, Puck, and Brittany whereas Sue focuses on the minorities in the Glee Club. Rachel is shown not to be thrilled over the divide. The club seems to truly miss each other. Once again Rachel gets the lead in a duet with Finn which angers Quinn, especially since the 5 of them are supposed to be a group. Brittany and Puck soon join Sue’s group which ignites the feud between Will and Sue. The feud comes to a head when Rachel, Finn, and Quinn are performing which leads the New Directions to storm off. Rachel of course takes this opportunity to be her annoying self and show everyone how a proper storm off happens. Will soon talks to the club pointing out different things about them when it’s revealed that Sue now knows about Quinn’s pregnancy. Rachel and Finn take the leads in a song letting Quinn know the club is there for her.

I just want to talk about a scene in the episode that is once again misconstruded. Rachel tries to keep the story of Quinn’s pregnancy quiet and many view this as Rachel trying to protect Quinn. The truth is Rachel was trying to protect Finn from backlash, not Quinn. Quinn had every right to be mad at her and supsect her of trying to get Finn to herself because as the season goes on there are so many occasions where Rachel tries to take Finn from Quinn. I think the Finn/Quinn/Rachel love triangle is something I definitely should discuss and why I’m on Quinn’s side of it and why I believe both Finn and Rachel did her wrong.

Now onto Mash Up. This episode features Puck and Rachel as a couple which kind of came out of nowhere but would prove to actually be a pretty good ship (I know this is unpopular of me to say but I definitely want to discuss why I thought they were actually a really good ship so maybe my next topic haha). They start off with Rachel praticing with Puck which soon leads to a makeout session, Puck wants to go further but Rachel convinces him that she can’t give herself to someone who doesn’t have the guts to perform a solo. This leads Puck to perform his first solo which seems to really impress Rachel. The two continue to be together which takes a toll on Puck’s popularity leading him to get slushied. Rachel cleans him off and realizes that he most likely will leave Glee Club (due to Coach Tanaka’s ultimatum Glee Club or Football) and unselfishly gives him her blessing. That Thursday was the big day to see if any of the football players would return. The Glee Club waits together nervously but are soon joined by Mike and Matt, also were surprisingly joined by Puck. Rachel approaches him stunned by his decision and asks him if he’s sure that he might get slushied everyday to which Puck replies Bring It. Shockingly Finn is the only guy who didn’t choose glee which was mostly due to his reputation being on the line and Quinn convinced him not to. Rachel soon finds Puck watching practice from the bleachers which is when she approaches him asking if he misses it to which Puck says he doesn’t. Rachel soon breaks up with him saying that their relationship wouldn’t work out. Puck says quickly that he was going to break up with her anyway to which Rachel replies that he wasn’t. He soon realizes she’s in love with Finn and tells her that Finn will never break up with Quinn because of the pregnancy. While he’s talking Rachel realizes he’s in love with Quinn. Rachel asks Puck if he likes her saying she’s seen the way he looks at her and asks if it’s why he joined Glee to which Puck replies that it doesn’t matter because they’re never breaking up. Rachel admits at first she only date him to try to make Finn jealous and says she hope they could still be friends which Puck doesn’t agree to. Finn rejoins Glee Club after a talk with Coach Tanaka and the club is once again hole feeling stronger than before but with some hurt feelings along the way.

Moving onto Wheels where Rachel’s biggest storyline is her fighting with Kurt over the lead in Defying Gravity. Will originally gives the song to Rachel which she’s thrilled about saying it’s her ringtone. However, after backlash from Burt complaining to Will and Principal Figgins, a diva off is set with them both performing the song. Rachel worries with the New Directions deciding the vote that she won’t get the solo, claiming that it would be a popularity contest to which Kurt makes the New Directions swear to vote for who performed the best. The other biggest storyline is the New Directions being in wheelchairs, hence the title of the episode. Rachel is one of the few New Directions who stands up for Artie somewhat about the bus but stands behind the others when they don’t want to have a bake sale claiming her family is committed to takeout. Later in the episode Finn is helping Rachel with her wheelchair when Quinn storms in about the final notice about the sonogram to which Finn thinks he’s screwed. But Rachel gets an idea to help get him hired using the wheelchair. She takes Finn to a resteraunt demanding them to hire him and says if they don’t it could be seen as discrimination. Once again, Rachel is seen to be selfless, especially since him getting the job only helps his and Quinn’s relationship but Rachel cares too much for Finn to see him suffer. Kurt and Rachel have their diva off which Rachel wins, making her happy and all is well one again.

Now onto Ballad which was probably one of the weirdesr episodes for Rachel. This is the episode focused on her crush on Will after they perform ‘Endless Love’. One story I actually read explained this incredibly well saying Rachel gets so wrapped up in the songs that she starts to think the passion in the music translates to her falling for someone which actually seems like the perfect explaination for why she fell for Will so fast in the episode. Towards the end of the episode she apologizes to him for her irrational behavior and helps the club out when they decide a ballad to Finn and Quinn who needed it, especially after Quinn got kicked out.

Moving on to Hairography which revolves around Will getting intimitaded after seeing the Jane Addams Girls perform. Rachel quickly tells him that what they’re doing is Hairography, using their hair and dancing to mask their lack of talent and for him not to be intimidated. Sadly, this doesn’t translate to Will who decides to go forward with a hairography lesson. Rachel is the only member who isn’t thrilled with the idea or number thinking it wasn’t truly showcasing their talents properly. Meanwhile, Quinn plots to distract Finn with Rachel so she can test out Puck, so she enlists Kurt in giving Rachel a makeover. Rachel seems to embrace the makeover, especially since it catches Finn’s attention and the two agree to meet at Rachel’s that Friday. On that Friday Rachel makes herself up like Sandy at the end of Grease and tries to get Finn’s attention throughout the song which he soon stops saying he preffered the old her better and didn’t like this makeover. He soon reveals that Kurt gave her bad advice by saying his type was girls who were more natural. Rachel confronts Kurt the next day clearly hurt but Rachel soon realizes that Kurt also has a crush on Finn. When Finn and Quinn make up the two comissorate together understanding how hurt each other is. The hairography number is a bust as Rachel had predicted but once they perform with the deaf choir they realize that simplicity is what they needed after all. Will then gives them the sheet music to ‘True Colors’ saying they should use their voices which Rachel nods approvingly, glad Will has realized what she already knew.

Next up is probably one of the most fun episodes, Mattress. The annual school yearbook photos are coming up and Figgins has cut the Glee Club photo which Rachel is outraged about. Even though she’s a part of many clubs, Glee Club is the most special to her. Figgins soon agrees to a small corner page and Will accepts it. Will tells the club to elect two captains to pose for the yearbook. Everyone votes for Rachel, including Rachel. Will is disappointed and appoints Rachel to find a co-captain which Rachel takes seriously. She tries everyone but soon gets Finn to agree to do the yearbook with her. However when the time comes Finn fails to show up for the yearbook photo and Rachel is alone. While talking to the photographer she ends up booking the Glee Club a commerical to sell mattresses and they perform ‘Jump’ in a commercial which is somewhat of a success but once Sue sees it, she tries to get them disqualified from the competition due to the fact that their amature status could now be considered revoked. However, Will says that he accepted the mattress, not the club and allows them to take the group photo which was given to them by Sue after Quinn demanded it, confronting Sue about the cheerios perks that could have her disqualified from competition. The club once again comes together and is ready to take on Sectionals, fearful of being without Will.

Finally for the midseason finale we have Sectionals. In the beginning of the episode Rachel notices a difference between Puck and Quinn, thinking there’s a possiblity he’s the father of her baby. She soon confronts Quinn making up a fake story about a Jewish disorder and watches as Quinn tries to get Puck to take her to the doctor for it which confirms Rachel’s suspicion. After Miss Pillsbury is appointed their new director, Mercedes sings a solo the leaves the club speechless and Rachel agrees that she should have the solo after protesting it at first. Rachel talks to Finn after practice and soon tells him the truth about what she thinks is true. This leads to Finn beating up Puck and Quinn finally revealing the truth that Puck was the father. Finn then quits the club which shocks Rachel, realizing her plan went ary. Rachel goes to talk to Quinn to apologize, admitting that she did it only to get Finn to be with her which once again shows her selfish side and proves she wasn’t looking to help Quinn in the least. When the New Directions arrive at Sectionals they’re actually pumped but their mood soon flattens once they realize their setlist has been stolen. Rachel calls a meeting in the green room as the New Directions try to come up with a new set list. Rachel unselfishly tries to let Mercedes have the solo still but Mercedes says she has nothing as good as And I Am Telling You and admits Rachel is one of the only ones who could belt a solo on the fly. Rachel takes it graciously and knows the perfect song to perform, ‘Don’t Rain on My Parade’ which goes on to be her signature song. Finn soon returns much to the shock of everyone and Rachel is incredibly happy to see him. He brings the sheet music for their final song as a group. The New Directions then perform their 3 songs and hope for the best, which turns out to be the case. After winning sectionals, Sue is fired due to her leaking the setlist and Will is reinstated as director. The New Directions sing a song to welcome him back as they prepare for their next challenge, Regionals.

Now let’s talk overall as far as Rachel, she has her moments of being unselfish and helping others but most of the things she does is to try to benefit herself in someway. She’s had a few instances of being unselfish but the majority of the time she looks out for herself first before anyone else. As far as her relationship with Finn this is season is definitely my favorite of their relationship. It’s much less manipulative on Rachel’s side at least and is the purest form of them liking each other. Finn is one of the few people Rachel truly looks out for, probably because he was one of the very few people who’s always treated her kindly and due to the fact that she has a crush on him. Now as far as Quinn and Rachel, I think everyone knows I don’t ship them anymore but Rachel did help Quinn in some cases but there was always a catch that benefitted Rachel which is something shippers don’t seem to get. I hope you enjoyed this long dissection of Season 1. The second half of Season 1 will be posted soon. 

[seeroftodayandtomorrow]

A Musical Affair

Chapter 11

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Blaine's heart stopped in his chest, and he stood there with his mouth open for what felt a long time.  Why hadn't he anticipated this would happen? Bringing Kurt right into the lion's den, as it were—what a stupid idea.

He had to tread carefully now. Sebastian was an earl, albeit newly made under dubious circumstances. He had had some time to become accustomed to always getting what he wanted, and the upbringing to fight for it. Blaine was no rival for him, unless—well. He did not think Sebastian would take an unwilling man to his bed. If he said Kurt was his—but no. Kurt was not his. It wasn't for him to decide whom he bedded, not when they didn't have any kind of arrangement. Kurt might like Sebastian. He was certainly attractive, and an earl, and though Kurt wasn't mercenary, there were advantages of being with an earl that had little to do with money.

"Kurt -" he managed, then started anew. "I-"

"Right," he was interrupted. With a start, he noticed Kurt standing in the doorway. He looked slightly amused.

"While I am flattered by your interest, your lordship, there are certain circumstances at play here you might not be aware of."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "Please tell me you are not another brother I knew nothing about."

Kurt smiled. "Not that I'm aware, no."

"What then?"

Blaine was torn between being afraid, amused and flabbergasted. Sebastian seemed unaware that there might be other reasons for not wanting to bed him than family relations. Even preferences in gender didn't seem to matter to him, since he hadn't thought of asking Kurt if he even liked men that way. Granted, Kurt had...something of an air about him that indicated he leaned in that direction, but then again, no more than some of Blaine's more dandy-ish acquaintances that were happily married.

"I think I will just demonstrate, if you don't mind," Kurt said.

He stepped very close to Blaine, pulled his head close to him, and kissed him in a way that left no doubts as to the kind of their relationship.

Stunned beyond belief, Blaine just closed his eyes and surrendered to the kiss. He probably wouldn't have been able to move away even if he had wanted to, but of course, he didn't want to. For Kurt to kiss him, like that, while someone else could see it, was....it was a dream he didn't even know he had.

Someone cleared their throat. Blaine had not exactly forgotten Sebastian, but he had shrunk to something insignificant, someone who certainly had no business interrupting something as beautiful as this. But Kurt drew apart, and Blaine reluctantly stopped focusing his attention on Kurt's mouth and looked at Sebastian.

Who looked more amused than anything else.

"I see," he said, chuckling. "You have sufficiently demonstrated your....attachments. I beg pardon if my advances have given offense. I assume you would like connecting bedrooms?"

They had broken the rules, taking dinner in their travel clothes because all of them had been too hungry to care for formality. Sebastian had indulged them, but the ladies had insisted they be proper now and change for the remainder of the evening.

It could be so easy, Blaine thought as he dressed in a bedroom with a connecting, open door to Kurt's.  He would have to find Sebastian later and thank him, and also praise him, for that answer had been as diplomatic as anyone raised to it could have given. Sebastian would always be an eccentric, at least for the more narrow-minded among London society, but he was learning, and quickly.

A knock on the interconnecting door made him turn around and smile. Kurt looked resplendent in his new evening suit that he had reluctantly agreed to let Rachel buy him for the occasion, and he looked at Blaine as though he appreciated the sight of him just as much.

"Nice waistcoat," he said, coming nearer and touching one of the mother-of-pearl buttons. Blaine grinned. He had chosen one of his more colorful ones that had been firmly banished to the back of his closet for the last few years, worn only, clandestinely, to his Wednesday mornings at the St. James's house.  This waistcoat was a tasteful purple with thin silver-gray stripes; he had also packed a gray one with red embroidered lobsters, and a pink-checkered one. He had thought it best to not subject his friends to the extremes of his fashion taste on the first evening, but he was determined to wear them at some point.

"I'm sorry for Sebastian," he said. "I should have known he would try something like this."

Kurt shook his head, still smiling. "I actually was flattered. I have never had an earl proposition me before. And he reacted very well, considering..." He shrugged. "What would you have done had I not come in?"

Now Blaine shrugged, awkwardly. "I must confess I have no idea. I was trying to convey my...sincere displeasure at the thought of you and Sebastian, without making it seem like I was laying claim on you like a jealous husband. Without insulting Sebastian. It was hard to find the right words."

"Well." Kurt took his hands, gently rubbing the sensitive skin of his wrists with his thumbs. Blaine felt like closing his eyes and purring. "It was very honorable of you to not lay a claim on me. Even though....I did, it has to be said. Rather forcefully, too."

There was a hint of doubt, question, or apology in Kurt's voice, enough to make Blaine say, very quickly, "I didn't mind. I liked it."

He had loved it, really. And also, there was a difference between him claiming Kurt and Kurt claiming him.

"This -" he gestured awkwardly between them, "has to be your choice. All of this has to be your choice."

He didn't say why, because both of them knew. It had to be Kurt's choice because all the advantage was on Blaine's side, because Blaine, although fallen and disgraced, still had the money and the connections to make any accusations of gross indecency or buggery go away. Kurt didn't. Kurt had nothing.

Kurt nodded. He repeated the gesture and said, "I do choose this. And as I rather clearly demonstrated earlier, I choose you."

Blaine closed his eyes as Kurt leaned in, accepting an eagerly awaited kiss that was sadly cut short by a knock on the door.

"His lordship bids you come downstairs," a servant announced, "as Mr and Mrs Evans have arrived."

Blaine was happy to see Mr Evans again. He was. He just wished he'd arrived maybe a half hour later, so they could have kissed some more—and Blaine could have had tome to recover and wait for the uncomfortably tight feeling in his breeches to go away.

As it was, he had no choice but to hide his discomfort and smile brightly as he greeted Mr and Mrs Evans, who, he noticed, looked rather different from when he had met her in the city.

In fact, she reminded him of himself, after the death of his father and the subsequent scandal. Gone were her brightly colored dresses and feathered bonnets, replaced with lace caps and demure pastels. He wondered what happened to her, but had not thought of a polite way to inquire when Rachel already started passing out sheet music, his primary goal of teaching Sebastian to dance apparently forgotten in favor of the concert she planned.

"Hold on," Blaine said, "not so fast, please. We should talk about why we are here, and what we want to do. Sebastian, we thank you very much for your kind invitation."

Sebastian bowed with a distinctly ironic air; all of them knew that, while the house was Sebastian's, Blaine and Rachel were their hosts.

"Tomorrow, we will talk to your steward and your tenants, decide what has to be done, and so on. Our evenings will be spent more pleasurably, though we have work to do here also. Our first objective has to be to teach you to dance. Mr Hummel will play the piano, and I will teach you the steps. Miss Pierce here is a very good dancer, I'm sure she will-"

"I will," Santana interrupted. "I will dance with his lordship. I may not be as good as Brittany, but I'm good enough for that."

Blaine shrugged, looking over to Sebastian to see his response. He looked resigned and slightly scared, which, Blaine thought, was an appropriate response to Santana's personality.

"Miss Lopez will dance with you," he corrected himself, "and I'm sure you will learn in no time."

"He better," Santana mumbled, and he saw Kurt hide a grin behind his hand.

"Then there is the little concert we're planning," Blaine continued, only to be at once interrupted by Rachel.

"Right. I have taken the liberty to choose a few songs for us to perform. They are all suited wonderfully to my voice, so we will, of course, feature me as a soloist, but at least his lordship should have a solo part as well, since we want to introduce him musically..."

Back in his room, far after midnight, Blaine finally sighed.  The evening had been more stressful than productive, because while Rachel was used to saying what she wanted and getting it, the others, especially Santana, were not content with leaving everything to her now they were on neutral territory, so to speak. It came to no surprise to Blaine that she could be quite vicious, even constrained by polite society and manners. Rachel had given back as good as she got, and then Mrs Evans had stated her wish for a solo part as well, in a manner that proved her demure clothing a mere façade. The men had stood bemusedly for a few moments until Sebastian and Mr Evans had added their voices, making everyone talk at once.

Kurt had been quiet at first, on account of, Blaine guessed, being a paid pianist instead of a guest like the others. But when Blaine had tried to bring a little order into the chaos and find a compromise that might work for their concert without leaving everyone unsatisfied, he had helped and played a vital part in bringing the evening to a satisfactory ending.

With another sigh, he sat down a the bed, loosening his cravat.

"And there you are already where I want you," a voice said from the door—from the connecting door, Blaine realized, and turned his head with a smile to greet Kurt, gorgeous in just his breeches and shirt, a bottle with a golden liquid in his hand.

Blaine did not stand up, since if Kurt wanted him where he was, why would he leave? But he turned, kneeling on the bed so he could watch Kurt approach with a smile at once mischievous and shy.

"This was on my nightstand," Kurt said, indicating the bottle in his hand, which Blaine only now realized was not a beverage. "I think it's—it's a complimentary bottle of oil, courtesy of his lordship."

Blaine felt heat rise in his cheeks. "That's very considerate of him. And mortifying."

"I brought it just in case. It doesn't mean we have to do anything, if you don't-"

"I do," Blaine interrupted quickly. "I want. I just—I never-"

He had never done anything he would need oil for. Quick hands and mouths in an alley or beneath the blankets of a dormitory bed, that was all he knew. There had never been the time or the opportunity or, except maybe once, the right person he'd have wanted to do more with. He suspected Kurt would have more experience than him in this regard, having had his own room all this time.

Kurt nodded, came closer and put the bottle on the nightstand. Then he stood there, unmoving, waiting, and Blaine knew that now it was his turn - this had to be his choice, he would have to take the first step.

So he rose from the bed, took off his cravat and his waistcoat, and stepped into Kurt's waiting arms.

[padfootagain]

A Crimson Christmas (II)

Chapter 2: Erika

 Here we go for the next part of my Steve Rogers series! Will be focusing quite a lot on some character building for the reader, and some cute things with Steve. As several of you seemed to appreciate how I started the first chapter, I tried to make something similar for this chapter too. I hope you all like it!

Gif not mine

Word Count: 2417

18 000

11

400

150 000 to 300 000

It is a strange thing to sum up an event in numbers. It makes one's head spin, and yet it never quite stirs the true horror of a tragedy or joy of a miracle. Yet, most of the times, when trying to describe an event, using numbers as a first weapon is almost a reflex, an automatic response of our brain as it tries to grasp something it can't hold.

If one wanted to sum up the sinking of the oil tanker Erika in December 1999, off the shores of Brittany, they would use the 4 numbers written above.

The first is the number of litres of gasoline that were released in the ocean from the cracked hull of the ship.

The second is the number of days it took for the fuel to cross the distance from the wreckage to the shore.

The third is the number of kilometres of French coast that were polluted by the floating gasoline.

The fourth, and last, is the estimated number of birds that died in the catastrophe.

Numbers though are but abstract quantities, and if one wants to truly describe the event, there is no other way but to attempt to draw a fair picture of the shores at the time.

The scenery is easy. December 1999, a lot of grey and blue as a storm rages out. The violent waves end to pierce the already weakened steel skin of the oil tanker and cause its carcass to sink to the bottom of the ocean. Its sailors are saved, but the shipment, 30 884 tons of petrol, is partially released in the Atlantic Ocean. The attempts to stop the black wave to reach the coast are cut short by the storm that shakes the sea at this time of year.

11 days later, the first pools of gasoline touch the islands that stain the French coast.

4 more days and 400 km of coast are completely covered by toxic oil.

At first, it is but a few dots staining the sand, some grey caught in the foam left by the waves. A few hours later, there are large blocks of black sticky substance all over the seashells. The next day, the rocks, and the paint of the boats, and the sand are barely visible at all. The army is sent to clean the shores, but the scale is too great. Volunteers join in, with shovels and sponges and knives and brushes in an attempt to clean up every rock, every grain of sand.

Walking through a beach at this time is walking midst soldiers and volunteers. Every step is a fight against the sticky product, with boots sometimes buried ankles deep into the dark petrol. It is the fresh salty smell of seaweeds replaced by the sour one of gasoline. It is cliffs falling in black sand instead of the blue sea. It is bodies of birds stranded all over the place.

What did it change? For the people living on the coast, it is still today an open wound. If one tries to talk about the incident with the local population, they will be met by a pair of sad eyes and the tale of Christmas holidays spent ankle-deep in gasoline.

For the world? Nothing. Just one more incident to add to the long list of chasms carved in the environment.

For you? Everything.

You remembered the long ride from Saint-Malo to the western coast. First holidays since you entered University. For this first semester, you were majoring in all subjects, but you already had a vivid passion for bio-ecosystems, and in particular, marine biology.

Then the Erika sank. It was natural to go and help. You remembered Christmas day spent breathing the toxic petrol until it was all you could smell. Your boots buried in the sticky, black slime. Shovels and shovels digging the polluted sand. Soldiers all around you, but despite all this help, it wasn’t enough. You knew everything the gasoline would touch would surely die. It would take years for nature to heal. It had taken a few hours and a few minds craving for money to destroy it all.

You were picking up your fifth dead gull of the day. The gasoline, stuck to its feathers, made it impossible for it to float, and impossible for it to fly. Most of them had drowned, and all you could do was pick up the corpses.

You had ventured further than the rest of your friends, closer to the rocks now barely visible in all this black, when you heard a loud cry. A cormorant, without a doubt. You needed only a few seconds to spot the bird, covered in oil already, struggling to escape, struggling to avoid drowning, struggling to survive…

Somehow, it was just too much. After all you had seen that day, it was the last thing you could endure. You didn’t think at all as you ran across the slippery rocks and jumped in the salty water, trying to keep your head above the petrol.

You grabbed that poor agonizing thing in your arm, trying to keep it afloat, and you didn’t let go as it tried to escape.

The sea was far from calm though, and the thick layer of gasoline made it impossible to swim. At the first big wave, you were submerged, swallowing a bitter gulp of mixed salty water and fuel. You heard then the distant voices of your friends calling after you, they sounded scared, and you realized that you were too. Another forceful wave had you pushed against the rocks and you hit your head hard, and all went as dark as that bloody gasoline…

The rest was a blur. You remembered waking up in a hospital bed a week later, a real miracle. You should have died, that was what everybody said. But you didn’t, instead, somehow, you lived with new abilities.

You didn’t know where they came from, and were too scared of what any doctor could do to you if you ever showed any sign of abnormality, you had seen too many movies and read too many books to ignore the threat of becoming a lab rat. Years later, the Avengers formed, and you were spotted by Nick Fury. What had happened in your mind when you accepted to join them, you didn’t know. You reckoned that in the end, it was worth it all. This moment now, especially, made it all worthwhile.

After all, seeing Captain America wearing mascara and red lipstick was a sight to see.

"Mets tes lèvres comme ça!" the ten-year-old girl instructed Steve as she pursed her lips to show him what she wanted him to do, and he imitated her.

"Parfait!" she clapped her little hands in excitement as she added even more red to Steve’s lips.

"Gwen, laisse-le tranquille," your brother admonished, trying to rescue Steve from the excited child. But Steve merely smiled.

"It’s okay, we’re just playing," he reassured the worried father.

"Lèvres! Comme ça!"t Gwenn called Steve back into position and he pursed his lips again.

You picked up your phone and sneaked a picture, that you immediately sent to the entire Avengers WhatsApp group. With the different timezones, you reckoned you would have no answer before a few hours, but it was worth the wait.

It was true that joining the Avengers had meant a lot of changes, a lot of risks, a lot of pain. But it meant that you had met your best friends as well, and you couldn’t refrain a tender smile as you watched Steve play with your niece now.

"Y/N… the coffee is growing cold!"

You reached absentmindedly for your cup and warmed the beverage again. Your sister gave you a look.

"Cheating again."

"Controlling water has to have a few advantages. My drinks are always at the perfect temperature!"

She rolled her eyes.

"So, for how long are the two of you staying in Saint-Malo?"

You merely shrugged as an answer.

"We don't really know. I mean, we're supposed to just stay for the holidays, but I guess we don't know what to do next."

"Ha… retiring superheroes… poor you. You will definitely not have the complete retiring allowance now! Does that even count as a job, superhero?"

"I don't think it does. Shit… I've lost all these years…"

The two of you giggled, but your father did not.

"You should think about what to do next. And you could stay here. It's home."

"Papa, it's not that easy."

"Why not? Because monsieur muscle over there won't move here for you? So, you could be with your family."

You and Steve exchanged a glance.

"Well, we… haven't really talked about that," Steve tried to elusively respond, but it failed.

"You've spent years living a dangerous life. It's time to settle down. And you have to think about financial security now."

"Papa…"

"You need to get a job. A real one."

"Saving the Earth was not a job important enough for you?" you fired back, feeling more and more annoyed.

"You wasted years over this superhero adventure. I'm not saying it was useless, of course not. And I am proud of you. But you sacrificed your life during all this time. You didn't settle down, you didn't think about having a family, you didn't think about your old days… And I think it's time for you to have a normal life for a change."

You considered his words, and realized there was wisdom in them. You didn't quite like the way he put it, but you couldn't deny that you had spent years putting your life on the line. And maybe he was right, maybe now it was time to think about your own happiness before everyone else's.

"And you?" your father turned to Steve, his tone accusatory. "Don't you want her to be happy?"

Steve was playing your fake boyfriend, yet, he didn't need to lie to answer that question. And you could see it, deep down, in the depth of his blue eyes, that he meant the words he spoke. That was what friends were made for, right?

"There's nothing I want more than for Y/N to be happy, sir."

It was hard to look away from his baby blue eyes for some reason. Despite his funny look, covered in make-up, you didn't want to laugh at all. You just… wanted to keep on looking at him.

You guessed that you were letting your thoughts drift too far, and forced your brain to focus on your family again.

"We'll see, papa," you gave your father a smile. "It's not that easy to decide what to do next. It was our life for so long."

"I haven't forgotten how much you had to sacrifice," he mumbled in a dark tone, and you knew that he was referencing to the years you spent on the run with Steve.

You heaved a tired sigh.

"We've talked about it… countless times. It was my choice to make, and I agreed with Steve. You would have preferred for me to become a pawn that could be used by governments whenever they wanted?"

"Of course not. Governments couldn't be trusted…"

"Then why are you still bringing that up?"

"Because I didn't see my daughter for two years, that's why!"

You heaved yet another sigh, and Steve finally stood up from his spot on the carpet where he had been playing with Gwen. He took some cotton and started to clean up his face.

"I think we've both had a life that was out of the ordinary for too long," Steve spoke with a slow, quiet tone, his voice deep and calm showing he had been giving the situation a lot of thought. "It's hard to imagine what to do with the life we have left. I think… we just need a little time to let it all sink in, the truth that it can be over, that we don't have to be the ones in charge anymore. I think… we had both come to be at peace with the idea that we didn't have the choice of a life of our own. Now that we do, it feels strange. We don't really know what to do with it. Personally, I've never been anything else. We just need a little bit of time, to get used to it all. Then, I'm sure the decisions will come to us quite naturally. In the meantime, we just want to enjoy Christmas."

He reached for your hand, and you guessed that it was just for the act. Just because he played your fake boyfriend. It would be logical, if you were a couple, to be holding hands then, you reckoned. He was right. Besides, it felt safe to hold his hand.

"You know, I think I'm very tired after our long journey and everything. We should go to bed," you proposed.

Your grandmother finally joined the conversation.

"I've forgotten the blankets."

"I know where they are, mamie, don't bother."

But she was already walking towards the bedroom, and after you bid goodnight to your family, while they were getting ready to go as well, you and Steve joined Martine in the bedroom she had prepared for Steve and you.

You were not surprised to find that she had already put the blanket upon the bed.

"Oh, I forgot," she explained, but you were not fooled.

There was a short silence, before she heaved a sigh.

"Your father is worried. He always is. He's just not good at showing it. He does it all wrong."

"I know."

"It doesn't matter what you choose to do next. We're all here for you. Et puis, je l'aime bien, ton petit Steve," she added with a tender smile towards your 'boyfriend'.

He gave her a warm smile.

"I'm glad you like me, I've spent a lovely afternoon with you, Martine," he answered.

"Tomorrow you can show him the town," your grandmother instructed you.

"Yes, I will."

"Goodnight, les amoureux!"

You could only bury your face in your palm. She had to call you lovebirds, of course… if only she knew the truth.

"Bonne nuit, mamie."

The second she closed the door behind her, Steve and you exchanged a tired glance. It was more than time to go to bed. Tomorrow would be a brand new day. And there was much to do, and many questions to find answers to.

********************************************************

Taglist : @ponycake27​ @horsesreign​ @xinyourdreamsx​ @jbluevelvet​ @notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss​ @stuckupstucky​ @snek-shit​ @suchatinyinfinity​ @i-padfootblack-things​  @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi​@jigsawlover10​ @emyyjemyy​ @addictedtofictionalcharacters​ @staringmoony​

@marvelcapsicle @madamrogers @rishlo @theshortegg​ @blacklilyqueen​

[ginger-grimm]

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY OC MASTERLIST

Real Name: Joy Elaine Hargreeves

Aliases: Number 10, The Changeling

Faceclaim: Lili Reinhart

Age: 22

Species: Human

Powers: Glamouring, Shapeshifting

Status: Alive

Slight Summary: Joy was one of the 43 miracle babies born in 1989. She was dubbed Number 10 by her adoptive father Reginald Hargreeves. Always eager to please, Joy tried her best to do good in Reginald’s eyes but all of her efforts were for nothing. Her powers simply weren’t developing right, so Reginald tossed her aside along with other Three J’s. He would let Five experiment on Joy, Jill and Jinx. The Three J’s resented Five and would grow to hate him even more after he accidentally sent them back in time. Joy spent years stuck in the ‘60s until she was whisked back into her time, two years after Jinx and Jill. Suddenly, Joy is the baby of the family, her older siblings close to moving out of the house. Joy spent her days trying to perfect her power and secretly taking up dancing. Her adoptive mother Grace and the family’s butler Pogo loved to watch her do little routines. Joy grew to resent her father much like her siblings. After their brother Ben dies, the family is in shambles. All of her siblings move out or run away from home, leaving Joy behind to pick up the pieces. She meets local boy Aiden Calloway and the two start a relationship. That would eventually lead to her getting pregnant. Reginald tries to take her son from to conduct further experiments and find out whether or not he also has powers. Joy nips that in the bud and runs away from home at last. She lives with Aiden until their son dies in a tragic accident. Joy pulls away from Aiden, Jill and Jinx and decides that she won’t accept her sons death. She gets in touch with local warlock Rudolph Easton in hopes of finding a way to get her son back. Then, her father dies and Joy goes back for the funeral. Already enough of a bad day, suddenly her brother Five comes back from the future with troubling news.

Story: Free Falling

Real Name: Jillian Scarlet Hargreeves

Aliases: Number 9, The Empath

Faceclaim: Sarah Jeffery

Age: 23

Species: Human

Powers: Empathy, Resurrection

Status: Alive

Slight Summary: Jill was another one of the 43 miracle babies born in 1989. She was dubbed Number 9 by her adoptive father Reginald Hargreeves. Jill hated her father with a passion. In fact, she hated most of her family except for Jinx, Ben, Joy and Diego. She also had a soft side for Grace and Pogo. Jill was a rather blunt person. Her powers were mostly considered useless, so she was relegated to being Five’s lab rat. When he sent her back in time, she ended up spending a few years in the ‘50s all by herself at age twelve. She came back to the real world a year after Jinx. Both of them had returned as infants. Joy joined them a year later. Luckily, Reginald managed to speed up the Three J’s aging process, putting her at only seven years younger than her older siblings. She hated growing up as a Superhero, so she was more than glad to run away from home and start her own life. Unfortunately, College did not work out as she had hoped, so instead she took up a job delivering pizza and moved in with Diego in the back of the boxing studio. When she gets news of her fathers death, Jill can’t help but feel relieved. After the things she did to her and her siblings, especially Joy, she can’t bring herself to feel saddened. She opts out of going to the funeral but Jinx drags her along anyways. At the funeral, Five appears back at the house and brings catastrophical news with him.

Story: Free Falling

Real Name: Jinx Oscar Hargreeves

Aliases: Number 8, The Inferno

Faceclaim: Lamar Johnson

Age: 24

Species: Human

Powers: Fire Generating

Status: Alive

Slight Summary: Jinx was another one of the 43 miracle babies born in 1989. He was dubbed Number 8 by his adoptive father Reginald Hargreeves. As a child, Jinx’s powers were severly underdeveloped. Instead of helping him get control of his powers, Reginald shunned his son and let Five conduct experiments on him. Five accidentally sends Jinx to the ‘70s. Alone and afraid, Jinx had to learn how to survive on his own rather quick. He is the first to be sent back to his time and the first to be brought up closer to his by now older siblings’ age. Growing up, Ben and Jill were Jinx’s best friends. When Ben dies, Jinx has enough and flees from home. He goes to College, deciding that instead of trying to be the kind of Superhero that fights bad guys for his father, he wants to be another kind of Superhero. He studies to become a social worker and keeps steady contact with Jill. When he hears of his fathers passing, he isn’t saddened though he still goes to the funeral to pay his respects. But after going back home and hearing the news his brother Five springs on the family, he’d wish he’d have stayed away.

Story: Free Falling

Real Name: Aiden Gilbert Calloway

Aliases: The Fang

Faceclaim: Alberto Rosende

Age: 22

Species: Vampire

Powers: Super Strength, Immortality, the ability to be out in daylight

Status: Undead

Slight Summary: Aiden was born in The City. He has two loving and rich parents and an older sister. He grew up to become a quirky and tech-loving teen. While working as videoprapher for a party, he meets Joy Hargreeves. The two fall in love and soon enough Joy is pregnant. Aiden is overjoyed with the news and gladly houses Joy and their son Cooper after she escaped her home. When Cooper dies in an accident, Joy pulls away from Aiden. To escpae the situation and somehow come to terms with his son’s passing, Aiden buys a van and travels across America, giving Joy the space she needed. He comes home after finding out from Klaus that Joy is willing to ruin her life in order to bring their son back from the dead. Suddenly caught in the crossfire, Aiden dies. Joy is heartbroken and begs Rudolph to somehow reverse the damage. Rudolph refuses her, feeling like he had already caused enough damage. But his assistant Valentino has a plan. Aiden is turned into a Vampire and must now learn to deal with his new life.

Story: Free Falling

Real Name: Rudolph Emmanuel Easton

Aliases: The Warlock

Faceclaim: Harry Shum Jr.

Age: Undetermined (Centuries Old)

Species: Warlock

Powers: Fire Generating, Ressurection, many spells from his Book

Status: Alive

Slight Summary: Rudolph was born in the 1700′s to his Warlock mother and father. Both of them were reverred in their field. They were killed in the 1920′s, leavin Rudolph to take up the mantle. He eventually recruited his best friend Valentino to be his assistant. Rudolph is an all-around gentle soul and offers his magical services to everyone who needed it. He innitially turned Joy away, too afraid to dabble with any more ressurrections. Though, she eventually won him over and he attempted a ritual. It backfired and instead Joy’s boyfriend Aiden dies. Rudolph is sent into a tailspin. He retreats back into his condo and refuses Joy’s offer to try and bring Aiden back, horrified with what he had done. Upon learning that Valentino had gone behind his back and brought Aiden to a Vampire, the two have a fall-out. They mend their relationship as they try to look for a way to stop Vanya Hargreeves from destroying the planet.

Story: Free Falling

Real Name: Winter Louise Lowery

Aliases: Lacy Lovelace, Heather Jones, The Ice Queen

Faceclaim: Victoria Pedretti

Age: 30

Species: Human

Powers: Cold Manipulation

Status: Alive

Slight Summary: Winter was another one of the 43 miracle babies. Though, unlike the ten heroes of our story, Reginald Hargreeves never got his hands on her. She grew up with her loving parents and two siblings. Jane and Martin Lowery didn’t plan on having Winter but they accepted her as their miracle nonetheless. Winter grew up trying to suppress her powers but eventually she couldn’t do it anymore. Martin called Reginald to see if he could help but when Reginald wanted to buy Winter rather than help her, he threw him out and never contacted him again. Winter wasn’t very booksmart and didn’t make it into College. But she didn’t want to live at home and bother her parents anymore either. So after many attempts at finding a job, she turned to a stripper locale far from her parents home. She took on the stage name Lacy Lovelace and did her thing for a while. Through her job, she met her future husband Jeffrey. Winter didn’t want her parents to know what she did for a living, so instead she called herself Heather Smith and eloped with Jeffrey, never telling her parents about it. While not physically abusive, Jeffrey was emotionally and mentally abusive. In the end, Jinx would convice Winter to leave him. She returned home, head down low. Her father offered her a job at his P.I. firm, where he worked with Winter’s older sister, Brittany and her younger brother, Elliott. She starts working there as a secretary.

Story: TBA

Real Name: Samuel Henry Carter

Aliases: -

Faceclaim: Denny Love

Age: 31

Species: Human

Powers: None

Status: Alive

Slight Summary: Sam was born in The City, a year before his brother Jinx. Sam and Jinx’s mother never told Sam about her second son. Sam grew up with his mother and eventually started going to a boarding school where he met his future best friend Kyle Mori and Riverdale resident Rain Ortiz. Rain would only be with the boys for a year but they never forgot her. Sam gets into film and moves away from The City to go to film school. At age 31, he returns home to work on a project with Kyle. There, he finally meets his brother Jinx.

Story: TBA

Real Name: Kyle Theodore Mori (neé Doiley)

Aliases: -

Faceclaim: Jay Lee

Age: 29

Species: Human

Powers: None

Status: Alive

Slight Summary: Kyle was born in Riverdale to his father Darryl Doiley and an unknown woman. He is Dilton Doiley’s half brother and was given up for adoption long before Dilton was even born. He was taken in and raised by a lovely couple in New York City. He started going to a boarding school where he met Sam Carter and Rain Ortiz. After school he goes to College and majors in History. He starts working as a History teacher and eventually comes to The City with Sam to help him work on a project.

Story: TBA

TAGGING: @hughstheforcelou​

[chicagocityofclans]

Matthew William-Jones → Steven R. McQueen → Wolf Animal Shifter

→ Basic Information 

Age: 28

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Straight

Born or Made: Made

Birthday: July 29

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Religion: Atheist

→ His Personality

People have said Matthew William-Jones was blessed with many things; a personality, charm, looks, but certainly not with a brain. Luckily for him, he knows how to make himself small and plaintive enough that everyone takes mercy on him. Since he is one of the newest turned members, he takes every opportunity to get away with whatever he can. Matthew has a disconnect between himself and his wolf. He has the habit of becoming angered quickly and has issues returning to a calmer state. He blames his wolf for his shortcomings, lack of intelligence and patience since he was unable to finish high school or go to college because of the change. Despite this, Matthew is very loyal to Isaac and considers the rest of the pack his extended family.

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Construction Worker

Scars: None

Tattoos: None

Two Likes: Football and Hallmark movies

Two Dislikes: Pizza and Reckless Drivers

Two Fears: Trypophobia and Falling 

Two Hobbies: Motocross and Fishing

Three Positive Traits: Sweet, Charming, Endearing

Three Negative Traits: Dumb, Impatient, Careless

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Bradley William (Father): He was a poster child for his father and was in line to take over his father's business when he was older. Everything was perfectly fine between them before he started dating Jemma. He and his father rarely talk now.

Brittany Jones (Mother): He treated his mother like his maid and showed her no respect. He realizes now that it is too late. She still talks to him but it is mostly to keep him informed about his son. Matthew is trying to make amends but his father is doing everything in his power to keep Brittany away from their ‘failure’ of a son.

Sibling Names:

None

Children Names:

Matt Brady Jr (Son): Matthew has never met his son and has only seen him in pictures and videos he received from his parents. Jemma has talked about setting up visits between them, but he’s a little nervous still.

Romantic Connections:

Jemma Brady (Ex-Girlfriend/mother of his son): He left Jemma when his parents sent him away. Since then she’s been raising Matt all by herself, with the occasional help of his parents. She wants Matthew to be a part of Matt’s life and has recently moved to Chicago to see that happen. Matthew is unsure how he feels about her move and the possibility of mending their relationship.

Platonic Connections:

Isaac Baker (Mentor/Alpha): Isaac was the one who found him in Chicago, and took Matthew under his wing. 

Chris Shaw (Acquaintance): Chris had very similar circumstances with his daughter and Matthew looks towards him for guidance in that department.

Riley Anderson (Best Friend): Matthew and Riley, a nimble, simply clicked at the buffet table during a council meeting.

Deucalion Thornton (Part-time Employer): Duke was initially reluctant to hire another wolf, but Peter wore him down. So far the job has worked out. 

Peter Knox (Part-time Employer): Peter was proud of the fact that Matt wanted to support his child, and was more than willing to push and let him pick up some time bussing. 

Zelda Harris (Friend): Zelda, Odell and Seth often come around Anonymous for Happy Hour. Despite most of his clan disliking the jackals, Matthew finds them the easiest to talk to. The only downside is when Zelda’s sister comes looking for her. 

Seth Allen (Friend): Zelda, Odell and Seth often come around Anonymous for Happy Hour. Despite most of his clan disliking the jackals, Matthew finds them the easiest to talk to. Seth is new to his clan too, and it’s a comfort to have someone also learning how things run in Chicago. 

Odell Rella (Friend): Zelda, Odell and Seth often come around Anonymous for Happy Hour. Despite most of his clan disliking the jackals, Matthew finds them the easiest to talk to. Michael has warned him off of Odell, but he doesn’t see why.

Hanna Moore (Friend): Hanna and her fiance hang around Anonymous pretty frequently. Before it was a lot of talk about their LARPing group, but Hanna’s been asking a lot about Duke lately.

Helo Adama (Friend): Helo is Hanna’s fiance and only comes in with Hanna. They seem to make a good couple, and he tips well. 

Ben Nile (Friend): Ben was one of Gretchen’s friends who started hanging around Anonymous. He’s chill and has some really great advice. Ben’s let him crash at his place a few times, and he’s pretty confused at his living situation. 

Gretchen Sims (Friend): Gretchen was the first person, outside of the wolves, to befriend him. She’s invited him out to a few of the Hyena’s parties and introduced him to a lot of her friends. 

Hostile Connections:

Dan Prior (Stalker/Fear): Dan uncaringly tried to take a bite out of him when he visited the Underground. As soon as he takes a step Underground, he can feel the young vampire's eyes stalking him around. He has no idea what he has done and has not been back Underground for weeks.

Shannon Harris (Dislikes): Shannon and Zelda got into a fight during one of his shifts and when he tried to defend his friend, Shannon threatened him. He doesn’t like her and steers clear. 

Juliette Willott (Scared of ): Juliette came by to talk to Ben the morning after a wild night where he’d stayed over. There was something really bad about her energy and he skedaddled before he had to talk to her. 

Mason Harley (Scared of): He accidentally dropped a stein of beer on Mason’s lap, and he’d be 6 feet under if looks could kill. 

Pets:

None

→ History

Born to a human mother and father in eastern Texas, Matthew grew up fairly happy. He was the only child and tended to get away with murder, until he was a teenager. His parents became concerned as he grew up he remained careless. When he was 17, Matthew got his girlfriend pregnant. When Matthew's father was informed of what happened, he removed his son from school and sent him to live with his aunt and uncle in Chicago, hoping that it was something that Matthew could put behind him and have a successful life.

However, the change from Texas to Illinois was exactly what Matthew wished for, he had the ability to do and be who he wanted. His aunt and uncle did not care about what Matthew did in his free time and wanted him to have the chance to grow up happy, and when he decided to spend a weekend in New Orleans with a group of new friends, they approved. He was out late after attending a block party along the bayou and was attacked by a large creature. He woke up in the morning, with a large bite wound on his left calf. He had it treated and then went home to Chicago, making sure to not go outside late at night again. However, a few days after being home, in a fit of anger Matthew found himself in horrific pain, and when it finally stopped, he was changed and outside face to face with a creature, a wolf, Isaac. Isaac helped calm Matthew down and shift back. Isaac convinced Matthew to join the pack. 

→ The Present

He no longer stays with his aunt and uncle but visits them regularly. Matthew has taken to his pack well and has even gotten a job working as a construction worker. He is happy in Chicago, finally finding a place where he finally fits since his turning. He is still in shock about the supernatural world. He’s fascinated about the different species and currently has no basis of knowledge for them. He’s really interested in the warlocks and witches, since he and his family see themselves as non-believers. He finds the rats entertaining, the hyenas and jackals hilarious, and human shifters enticing.

Sadly, Matthew is having a hard time controlling his wolf and has shifted inside of the packhouse multiple times. This has him on edge since Jemma, his ex-girlfriend, and Matt, his son, have moved closer to be with him. He does not want to hurt them and has been pushing them away. Jemma did put him on child support which his parents were paying up until recently. He begged Duke and Peter for a few night shifts at Anon, which he starts soon, to at least help provide for Matt.

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Steven McQueen (Matthew William-Jones)  [1][2][3][4]

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 5

5: Theatricality

Written by: Ryan Murphy Directed by: Ryan Murphy

Overall Thoughts: For a really, really long time this was my absolute favourite episode of all time. It’s still high up there, but unlike most people I actually really enjoyed the last two seasons of Glee, so this episode got bumped down a bit. Still, there is very little I don’t like about this episode. It manages to give several characters’ stories while still focusing on the main two stories of the episode. Unlike “Dream On”, I didn’t feel like I was watching a show about Finn, Rachel, Kurt, and Shelby. I felt like I was watching Glee.

What I Like:

Figgins thinking vampires are real and talking about how they need to keep vampirism out of McKinley.

Tina looking interested when Puck says “Catholic school girl”

“Happy meal, no onions. Or a chicken”

Kurt getting so excited over Lady Gaga. Oh, honey <3

“You don’t need an appointment at super-cuts. They love walk-in’s” CLAPBACK OF THE CENTURY LADIES AND GENTLEMEN (this line makes me die of laughter every fucking time like oh my god Karofksy you are so genuinely stupid)

The Lady Gaga outfits!!!! Even Rachel’s original one, which I find hilarious and way more fitting for her personality than the one she gets later

“You look terrible. I look awesome”

“You want to name our daughter Jack Daniels? She’s a girl!” “Okay, fine, Jackie Daniels”

Shelby being honest with Rachel when she realized that she made a mistake by contacting her and that this wasn’t what she really wanted. I appreciate when characters can be honest when they mess up, even if it hurts them and other people.

Rachel being honest as well and admitting that she doesn’t feel that mother-daughter bond she always dreamed of with Shelby. I wish they’d gone a little deeper into this, but I’m still glad they mentioned it at all. Especially when Shelby says that it was when Rachel told her about her dad’s and how they would bring her water when she was sad. Shelby isn’t her mom, and it was silly for both of them to expect that. Rachel doesn’t have a mom – she has two dads. While I’m glad they explored the “where I come from” aspect of this, I’m also glad that they didn’t turn it into “I feel more connected to you because of biology than I do to my fathers who raised me”.

THAT WHOLE SCENE WITH KURT AND FINN AND BURT IN THE BASEMENT. There is so much I love about that scene. I could write an essay on that scene and how important it is. That scene literally defined Glee for me for so long. I’m so glad they did that scene.

Okay, I know it’s an insult and homophobic and gross but when Azimio says “being in football and being in Glee doesn’t make you versatile – it makes you bisexual” I always burst out laughing like oh my god I don’t know why I find that so funny.

Finn standing up for Kurt at the end. I will say though that, while I enjoy this, there are some things that I wish had been included as well, which I’ll talk more about later.

Artie and Mike being lil cuties and actually cheering for the girls and being super encouraging in their performance. Considering Artie was always portrayed as the most misogynistic of the guys, he actually is one of the few that openly and genuinely encourages the girls in their performances every fucking time.

Finn actually getting to react to seeing Puck and Quinn talk about the baby!!!!! That’s always been my biggest pet peeve – Finn literally thought he was going to be a father and that got ripped away from him, and he wasn’t ever shown to be angry about that. It was always just “oh boo-hoo Quinn cheated on me and Puck is my best friend woe is me” when really he should be mourning the loss of a child he thought was his, but then learnt was not. Like… I don’t know. Seeing him awkwardly look away reminds everyone that he genuinely thought that baby was his, and now he can’t go through this with Quinn. He’s obviously upset about it. Even though he’s a dink in this episode I still feel bad for him about this.

Will going to the effort to look into Lady Gaga and actually getting excited about her.

What I Don’t:

I already said this, but Finn is a dink in this episode. He’s getting bullied by Karofksy and Azimio, and instead of calling them out on being homophobic and sexist and engaging in toxic masculinity, he just falls into it. He turns that abuse onto Kurt, who he clearly thinks is the one who deserves the abuse. And like, I don’t get why he’s so freaked out around Kurt. Yeah, it’s obvious that Kurt has a crush on him, but when has he ever tried to make a blatant, obvious move (kiss him, touch him, grab him, etc)? When has he given Finn any reason to be worried about changing around him, or even just sharing a room with him? It’s homophobia and toxic masculinity at it’s finest. Add the whole “I don’t wanna do Gaga cause I’m a Man” bullshit that’s thrown into this episode and it’s just a mess. While I’m happy they had Finn stand up for Kurt at the end and wear the Lady Gaga outfit, it still took him being told by an older, straight man that he was being a piece of shit and homophobic and offensive and gross for him to realize what was happening. Plus, I don’t think they gave Finn enough of a chance to really redeem himself. I mean, come on, it’s really easy to say sorry and put on an outfit; actually changing your attitude is more of an uphill battle. I wish they’d re-visited this more at a later date (though not in the way they did in “Duets” when Kurt brings it up and it somehow turns on Kurt and makes Finn look like the victim which……. Fuck off)

Will being the one to tell Shelby what she needs to do with Rachel.

Will agreeing with Finn about how they always do what the girls want when the girls literally always get sidelined. Literally fuck off. I can’t stand this “boo hoo my masculinity is too fragile to perform a song by a theatrical woman I need to perform a manly song instead” “you’re right, I’ve been turning this Boys Club into a Girls Club. Time to take our manhood back!” Ew.

Finn, Puck and Matt not being supportive of the girls when they performed their awesome Gaga number. I feel like this show did that a lot – the guys don’t understand a performer, so they don’t encourage their teammates. Then, when they do a number, the girls are super supportive and encouraging. It’s annoying.

Okay, even though Finn is a dink in this episode, I still think that they shouldn’t have told him about moving in with Burt and Kurt like that. This decision affects him too – Carole should have sat him down and asked him what he wanted to do, and if they disagreed then figured out how they could come up with a compromise.

Also, yet another missed opportunity for bi!Finn! This whole episode could have been an awesome way to show internalized homophobia, especially with that line at the end where Finn is like “I am different”. But whatever.

“My dad’s can’t sow. I really need a mom right now” I mean, not every woman knows how to sow, Rachel. You clearly don’t know how to sow. Why would you assume that just because she’s technically a mother that Shelby knows how to sow?

Songs:

Funny Girl: While Idina Menzel sounds amazing in this, I find it boring and too long. It’s emotional because of Rachel, but whenever Rachel isn’t on screen I lose interest.

Bad Romance: An amazing number!!! I love when they do actual group numbers, where a bunch of them get solo lines. I think everyone except Rachel and Brittany sing in this one, which is amazing! Plus the costumes and the choreography is awesome! My only gripe is changing “I’m a free bitch, baby” to “I’m a freak, baby”, which I don’t understand cause they say the word “bitch” on Glee all the time (they literally sing a song titled “Bitch” like come on).

Shout It out Loud: An entertaining performance that is all too forgettable. I honestly can’t remember most of what happened in it, and I literally just watched it.

Beth: This song always brings tears to my eyes. It’s such an emotional moment, and the song is so melancholy. Plus Puck sounds amazing (and while I understand why the put Finn’s verse in there I still lowkey wish it had been a Puck solo).

Poker Face: I have never liked this version of the song, and I probably never will. I don’t think it transfers well to acoustic at all. I honestly cringe a little listening to it because the lyrics and the melody just don’t match up. I strongly dislike this song. No thanks.

Final Thoughts: While I wish they had gone further on a few elements, overall this episode is really strong. It’s funny (a lot of great one-liners), it’s emotional, and (with a few exceptions) has really good music. It’s definitely my favourite episode of season one, and I’ve watched it as a stand-alone more times than I can count. I really, really like this episode.

[mysherlockstardis]

Shane Dawson comforted me during a panic attack at Universal Studios in 2016

TLDR: Shane comforted me during a panic attack over losing my phone at Universal Studios while nobody (except Ryland) was looking. (Kind of funny, and emotional, please don’t send hate)

Proof: https://twitter.com/shanedawson/status/734264357501165568?s=20

I will not ever, ever, ever, defend the actions or choices that Shane has made.

I can only share with you my one chance encounter where Shane did the most honorable and kind thing to a flustered, anxious fan who had just lost her phone at Universal Studios.

I’ve been watching Shane’s videos for a long time. I was a young girl, who was playing around on youtube after school, and Shane Dawson was a very popular youtuber at the time. I wanna say the year was 2009 or 2010 when I began regularly watching “Shane Dawson”. Over the years, I have seen him leave his old characters behind, and watched as he continued to grow and develop his own unique brand of humor.

As a fan of Shane from his earlier years as a creator, I feel embarrassed that I was watching content that was not appropriate and not the type of humor I approve of or identify with today. Unfortunately, Shane’s popularity stemmed from people, including myself, not realizing how harmful that brand of humor was and what kinds of stereotypes and stigmas he was perpetuating through his successful videos. I was a latchkey kid, only child, and 12 years old. I had a crush on the popular YouTuber who made popular comedy sketches with millions of views. I was ignorant. So, was Shane.

However, Shane has survived years on this platform, because he evolves and changes. He makes mistakes. He apologizes and he tries to move on and grow. I think he has always done that.

Anyways, I digress.

In 2016, I went to Universal Studios. It had been a long day, and I am one of those people who always has my phone in my hand. Late at night, my family and I arrive at our car and I realize I can’t find my phone. My phone is my life, because yes I am one of those people whose phones are their lives. I was freaking the fu#k out. Also, I knew my phone was at like 14%, so I knew it was probably dead or stolen.

So, I come sprinting around the corner, on a frantic search outside universal studios. I slow down to take a couple of breaths and I look up to see Shane and Ryland Adams.

It was 2016, so Shane’s channel had evolved to like those food review videos and DIY’s and like Shane sitting in front of his camera in a kitchen making jokes. But I had started college and I wasn’t watching youtube videos as much anymore.

But, when I saw Shane, I reflexively yelled “Shane Dawson!” and stopped dead in my tracks.

I can’t reiterate to you how scary I must have looked and I will put a link to the photo, because you can low-key see the weird panic, fear, and excitement I was feeling in that moment.

I was out of breath and in shock looking like a deer in headlights. Shane and I made eye contact, and let me tell you. Shane looked worried. He looked so worried. I can remember that his face was saying something along the lines of “Oh my god, is this girl about to faint on me?”.

I was in a full blown panic attack, but Shane just calmly calls back “hello!”, and opens his arms like he’s ready for me to jump into them for a hug. Or like he might need to try and catch me if I pass out.  

But, I end up low-key throwing myself into his arms and I need you to know that he hugged me so fully. He hugged me, like I was his friend, and I could honestly sense the concern he had for me in that moment.  

I was bedraggled, out of breath, in the middle of an anxiety attack, and so completely starstruck by his presence.

Fun fact: I remember watching Shane’s vlogs back when he was close friends with Brittani Louise Taylor and they did one at Universal Studios (maybe 2010,2011). And the 2x times I had been to universal studio before the time I met Shane, I would always think of Shane hanging out there and how cool it would be to run into him while he was vlogging. I digress, again.

So, Shane takes me in his arms, and Ryland doesn’t do anything to ruin the moment. He doesn’t tell Shane they have to leave. He doesn’t try and end our conversation. I didn’t know who Ryland Adams was in 2016. I wanted to be mature so I introduced myself to him and like shook his hand and apologized for not recognizing him, because I was freaking out and I didn’t realize how horrible that sounded. Ryland totally brushed it off like a sweetheart.

I told Shane about how I arew up watching him, and how I bonded with my best friend from high school over our shared love for him. Because yes, I met other people my age who became fans of Shane as young ignorant children with too much time and internet access (arguably).

I do remember wanting to ask him about his old content, but deciding not too. Because even then I knew that I was glad he had changed as an artist. I was glad he had grown from the content that had made me feel rebellious and at times uncomfortable as a child. And btw, Shane had no control over who watched his videos just like Jake Paul, but unlike Jake I don’t think Shane ever targeted a 12 year old audience, I think those were just the people who were watching him.

So, then came my big dilemma. I wanted a picture. I wanted a picture with Shane Dawson so bad.

BUT I HAD LOST MY PHONE

I was freaking out. I wanted a picture and I was so afraid he wouldn’t be able to give me a picture. Logically, I knew Shane could never, ever give his personal phone number to a fan he just met on the street. I wouldn’t have expected him too or wanted him too, but I was not in the right mind.

I was not in the right mind at all. Bless Shane, because he knew to give me so many hugs. So, so, so many hugs, I wanna say 4 or 5 genuine hugs. Like basically holding me, because I was so flustered.

I felt guilty because I really needed to find my phone, and I didn't want to waste his time, but I really wanted a photo before I walked away. But, my panic attack was literally worsening by the second as I considered every second I was sprinting towards my phone as another second my phone could be stolen. Please let me be clear when I say that I knew that my request was going to be denied, but that I am a 23 year old who doesn't like social media, so the most obvious solution was not presented by me.

I ask him, “Can we take a photo, I don’t have a phone. Could you text it to me?” BAHAHAAHAHAAHHAHHAHHAAHAH

I had a twitter and I still have that twitter, but I never go on it. I never considered that Shane could use his social media.

But thankfully, Shane does. He very sweetly offered to take and tweet me a photo of us. He ends up taking a couple and I know he said he wanted to take a second photo to get his angles or something, but I totally know it was for my sake.

Listen, I can’t defend what Shane has or has not done behind the scenes as of late. I can’t defend anything he did on camera a decade or less ago. Regardless, this man rose to popularity and has remained popular and it wasn’t always for the best reasons, but people have loved him through every change he’s made.

Both him and his base were ignorant 10 years ago, but I think we have all evolved and learned better. I think Shane cares about his fans deeply, and I think that the internet has made it impossible for people to move on from their mistakes. I think we have all done something stupid that we regret. And thankfully, for most of us, our mistakes are not forever ingrained on the internet.

He owed me nothing. He didn’t owe me time. He didn’t owe me a photo. He didn’t owe me hugs or any attention. He wasn’t at an event getting paid. He wasn’t vlogging it for millions of people to watch. He was trying to be there for a girl who wasn’t making any sense. A girl who was stumbling to talk to him because she had no clue as to what she wanted to say to the person who felt like a friend she hung out with after school. Even though that friend made poor choices and was a pretty bad role model. He was still like a friend.

I just wanted to let people know that morality is hard for all humans. What he did was wrong. What he didn’t do was wrong. He’s messed up over and over, but I do think he has a profound love for his fans. I think even adults like myself make poor choices, and do stupid things, but we aren't famous so nobody knows or cares.

I think showed a lot of good character that day, even if he's made horrible consequential mistakes that will follow him forever. I will always remember the kind man who saw a crazy fan great kindness.

I plan to pass this story along, because I want people to know that I think Shane has grown and changed, and made mistakes, and he will grow and change again. He is young, and society has much to improve on.