#she was going through rough times last week and i kept checking in on her throughout that week

[lovelysakuryay]

yo why the fuck would you offer your home to me as an escape from a) my home life b) my brain but every time i ask you when i actually need to and not just to hang out it’s always no.

WHY EVEN OFFER THEN?

[januaryembrs]

THERE'S NO SIGN OF LIFE | Spencer Reid x Prentiss!Reader [3]

Description: The one where you grieve Emily together (+ the one where you kiss him)

word count: 7.9k

trigger warnings: okay so this chapter is exactly how it sounds, heavy in themes of grief, depression, anger, slight ideation of the world being better without bugsy (as if), DRUG USE (once and not addictively and not by Spencer!), mention of Spencer being horny, mention on blood and drinking.

authors note: this was just supposed to be a little filler chapter for the next one where the real juicy shit happens and long story short it became nearly 8k words of pure angst until the last minute when I decided to stop hurting you all. please don't hate me, promise a big boy chapter is coming up.

previous chpt | next chpt

'Doctor, look into my eyes.

I've been breathing air, but there's no sign of life.'

The team had fallen into chaos since Emily died. Hotch thought that just five little stages of grief weren’t quite enough to summarise what they were going through.

Morgan was pissed off by the smallest things, had flipped shit just that morning because the printer had jammed. He'd gone through two mugs and a keyboard in just two weeks in his tempers that had certainly seen better days.

Penelope’s eyes gleamed with unshed tears she was trying her hardest to choke down, to wipe away so fast she could pretend to still see her computer screen, but Hotch didn’t need to be a profiler to see the way her sleeves were smudged with mascara, sodden through 24/7. 

Rossi seemed resigned, tired, his breath smelled faintly of the strong whiskey he saved for special occasions, his hair unkempt, as though he hadn’t slept until the early hours, or if he had it had been unrestful. He took more frequent breaks, came back smelling like the cigars he kept in his desk drawer for the bad days, and he sighed as if the world beat down on his back, like he’d been asked to choose between stopping world hunger or saving the environment. His chest was heavy. His face was tired of losing so many friends he loved.  

Spencer was working himself to the bone, his desk piled with books (even more so than usual), his fingers twitching by his side more often, as if his brain cells had been dialled up to a thousand percent, which was saying something when it came to Reid. In fact the only thing out of ordinary was the fact he was constantly checking his phone, the sight of which had Pen dropping her coffee on the rough carpet, which she had promptly then excused herself with watery eyes over. Yes, he actually knew how to use technology, which he had been so vehemently against for years, until the team realised it was because one very important member of the team had been using her sick days for three weeks now. 

They knew he was looking after her, that he would bring her dinner and make sure the cats were fed, but they had no idea she had all but moved in with him, Niko and Sergio included. 

Yet he found himself checking the screen every twenty minutes or so for signs of an update, even just a thumbs up or a little sign that said seen under his good morning texts. He was scared he’d wandered too far into boyfriend territory, it certainly felt that way when he would come home to see her bundled on the couch, nose deep in one of the books he would leave out for her, how her eyes would light up just the tiniest amount to see him home. She rarely cooked, he knew she didn’t even touch the food in his fridge no matter how much he reminded her she needed to eat when he wasn’t there, to which she usually just nodded at him and buried her head in his arm to escape the scoldings. 

Things were different with her here. He knew she was vulnerable, lost, he saw it every time she came crawling into his bed from where he’d set her up in the spare room, or when Sergio made himself home on her lap and she squeezed the cat to her chest in quiet tears. Usually he would have squirmed out of her grip, he had always preferred Emily, but these days he just let her sob with a docile blink at where Spencer watched her from the other end of the couch, and pretended not to notice when his fur was sodden and messed up. 

Spencer had felt something for her before, the weeks, months even leading up to Emily dying, but with her here, needing him all the time, holding him tightly when he needed to grieve himself, making herself at home in his personal space, he was sure she knew it too. There was no way she didn’t know how he felt. 

But the topic was too heavy, too complex to bring up with her mourning her sister, it would rip the carpet out from beneath her feet, and no matter how heavily, besottedly, how deeply Spencer felt he loved her, he would never do that to her. He couldn’t. 

He had always loved mind games, but loving someone so much you couldn’t not tell them, only to not tell them because you loved them so much felt like a whole paradox even he couldn’t wrap his big brain around. 

So they stayed where they were. She had good days, though they usually looked like said reading on the sofa with nothing but a strong cup of coffee in her stomach. And then she had bad ones. And the bad ones made him scared, so scared he had no choice but to get help. 

Penelope came over the Friday evening with Spencer after work, kitted out entirely with nail polishes and gems, the box set of Barbie movies, a hot chocolate mix she swore by, three tubs of ice cream, face masks, Teen vogue with a Never have I ever section ‘Begging to be answered’ and of course, her Pièce de résistance, her makeup kit and joke fluffy handcuffs for them to tie down Reid and give him a makeover. 

“Hello my handsome gentlemen,” She greeted Niko and Sergio who rushed to the door on instinct, knowing Spencer always gave them each a big handful of treats upon arriving home, “Auntie Penny is here for a super girly evening, no boys allowed,” 

“Am I not invited?” Spencer asked, faux hurt flashing on his face as he shut the door behind them, though his eyes were quick to scan around his living room for any sign of her. There wasn’t, not even a single pillow was out of place, and he knew it had been another day of skipped lunch and breakfast.

“You are, of course you are, I just didn’t want them to get jealous,” She whispered, her brown eyes taking in the too perfect apartment and the lack of the Prentiss girl, “Is she sleeping?”

“No,” He said without checking, because he knew she rarely slept nowadays unless she was in his bed with him, “I’ll go get her,” 

“Okay,” Some of the joy died out of her tone when she heard his voice soften sadly as she set her bags down on the kitchen counter, “I’ll get the hot chocolates ready!” Penelope tried to recover in that perky tone she used to cover up when something hurt her. 

He just hoped this had been the right decision, that he wasn’t pushing her too hard. 

Knocking softly on her door, he let himself in when he heard a small murmur on the other side, and as he suspected, she was curled into a small ball under one of his blankets, her hair wet, her pyjamas in the laundry basket. She had one of his shirts on and some boxers he had noticed had gone missing, but he would never hold it against her. 

She had showered while he was gone at least, and her breath was minty fresh as he crept over the woolly rug and kneeled one leg on the bedside. 

“Hey,” He started softly, sweeter than honey, his cadence somewhat hopeful as he leaned over her and stroked her hair that was still damp. “You got up! Did you eat anything?” 

She looked up at him with tired eyes, but she reached out with both her arms to embrace him gently, like she’d been waiting all day to have him near again. 

“I had a couple biscuits and some coffee,” Her voice was raspy, and it was the first he’d heard her speak in a few days. “I’ll try better tomorrow, I just was a bit tired today-”

“No, no, that’s great,” He rushed to comfort her, to stop the apology that was coming his way whenever she didn’t take care of herself the way he wanted her to, “Penny’s here to see you. She’s here for a girl’s night, if that’s okay?”

Bugsy attempted a smile, though she seemed hesitant, but he thought that was probably just the way her expression was these days, like everything hopeful had been sucked out of her. 

“I’ve missed Penny,” She said, and he knew she meant it. She nodded finally, and he leaned over her to give her a proper hug for putting on a brave face, feeling her nuzzle into his chest at the contact. She sniffed the air for a second, before whispering into his ear, “Is that chocolate?”

He chuckled, stroking down her back and pulling her up into a sit. He’d gotten used to her being pliant under his touch, and he only wished her being so receptive to his advances would be under other circumstances. 

The urge to grab her face and kiss every bit of hurt out of her was growing harder and harder to shove down with every day he saw her so soft and wounded. He wasn’t good at knowing what to say, but for her, he was trying to be. The only alternative was kissing her silly, until the pit she’d crawled into was warm, just warm all over, and she came back to him in one piece. 

“Yes, it’s chocolate. Now come on, before she starts the movie without us,” He breathed gently, helping her out of bed, pretending he didn’t hear the way her joints cracked with the first sign of movement in hours. “Wait a second, pants,” He reminded her, tossing her some sweatpants from the floor, which she shoved on blindly. He didn’t mind her walking around like that if it meant she were comfortable, but he didn’t want her to give Pen a scare. 

A ghost of a smile teased on her lips as he led her out the room with two hands on her shoulders, seeing the blonde woman light up like the fourth of July at the sound of the two of them approaching. 

“Bug!” Penelope called, mid way through distributing a hefty amount of whipped cream and marshmallows on top of three mugs. Spencer watched the second her eyes widened slightly as she took in the girl’s appearance, trying frantically to cover it with an even wider smile, rushing to hug her tightly. He saw the minute she realised she felt so different in her arms; lifeless, heavy, rooted to the spot, like any contact with someone other than the gentle Spencer-touches she was used to made her lock up. 

She looked sick, like she hadn’t known fresh air in weeks, or like she’d pulled three all nighters in a row, or like she would be able to watch a ten car pile up and not bat an eye. She looked dead. She felt dead in Penny’s arms. 

The thought of it made her squeeze her tighter, until she felt two arms cuddle her back firmly. 

“I see Spencer has been treating you well,” Pen said, because she was avoiding the subject of Emily, and the way Bugsy looked exhausted, and the way she saw how scared Spencer was when he’d come into ‘the bat cave’ that afternoon to ask for her help. 

Bugsy attempted another smile, nodding slightly as the blonde drew back from their hug, and she saw the worry she tried so desperately to hide as she took in her face. 

The girl’s skin was dull in a way they’d never seen her before, her expression tired, her bones creaky, like someone had reached down her gullet and plucked her soul right from out of her chest, snatched it there and then. Penelope saw why Spencer looked so worried. 

“He’s been great,” Bugsy replied simply, her eyes finding Spencer’s where he shadowed behind her, worried she would faint on the spot from all the movement. She’d not been eating anything other than what he encouraged down her throat, but he supposed a handful of biscuits were better than nothing. 

She felt the bottomless pit that used to be her heart rip open just that bit further, the way it had done slowly the past few days, eating away at her skin. She knew she could never ever repay Spencer for everything he was doing, knew the odd few times she’d managed to collect herself enough to be there for him when he cried could never amount to how he hovered over her every second he was home. 

But where she should have felt guilt, there was nothing, there was just nothing left of her. 

He seemed to notice the slip, the way he always did, and she never did tell him how perceptive he was as he stroked over the back of her hair, leading her with a warm hand on her upper back to the sofa where Pen had already laid out the movie selection, had already grabbed the hot chocolates that were quickly melting onto the coffee table, where Niko was waiting with an eager pink tongue to collect his share, where he settled her down and wrapped her in a blanket as if he was swaddling a baby, where he let her take the middle and him and Pen on either side as Fairytopia lit up his living room with hot pinks and rainbows and flowers and magic. 

And even though she had yet to crack a smile, a real one at least, she seemed content, not entirely uncomfortable with the evening as Penelope commandeered one of her hands to paint her nails a shiny blush colour  ‘to match the evening’. Spencer thought for a minute she might have just needed some girl time, something no matter how many cuddles and sweet words he whispered could never give her. Maybe that was all she’d needed. 

Maybe she would get through this without entirely crumbling.

It wasn’t until the next day when even showering was too big a feat for her, when she had only two mouthfuls of the blueberry pancakes he’d made her before she apologised with watery eyes that he realised how stupid he was for believing it. 

It wasn’t until she said she wanted to move back home by herself that he really started panicking. 

JJ took her out for a picnic in the park the following weekend. The guilt was eating her up alive about hiding Emily’s secret, and from what Pen had told her, she wasn’t doing good. She wasn’t even doing bad; she was barely hanging on by a thread. Hotch had said she would be a flight risk with her sister gone, had said they would need to keep an eye on her as much as they would the rest of the team, but for Emily’s safety she couldn’t tell her the truth. JJ could only stand back and watch as the girl they all knew crawled into something dark inside herself and barricaded the door closed. 

Spencer had taken the nice approach with her, never forcing her to do anything she didn’t want to or asking too directly, as had Penelope. They’d both tried letting her open up by herself, which had only resulted in the girl taking about five steps back and even starting to shut out Reid, something which they all saw tore him up even more than seeing her wasting away in his spare room. He spent more days at hers, crying harder than she had seen him even when he was struggling with opioids. Crying for Emily some of the time, but mostly crying for the fact he was entirely helpless now she had moved out, like the one thing that had held him upright until then had left in a guilty mess of ‘sorry’s and dead eyes.

So she instead took the approach of telling Bugsy she needed help. Because if there was one thing that had always been able to bend her will, it was someone else needing her. 

JJ thought about reminding Spencer that Bug would come back if he took the same route, if he just told her how badly he needed her instead of her feeling like she was simply a burden on his life. But she knew he wouldn’t hear it, he would only blame himself more. 

So she’d told Bug she was struggling with looking after Henry alone while Will was working away, that he’d been asking for her since she’d come to his second birthday party with the biggest stuffed whale toy he’d ever seen. It was a white lie, Will was home more days than she was, but Henry had been asking for ‘the bug lady’ every time he played with his teddy. And it worked like a charm. 

So they sat in the warm April breeze, Bugsy reading on her stomach as JJ carefully nudged a punnet of fat, red grapes her way, hoping she would take the hint and swallow a few. 

It wasn’t until Henry came diving over to them from where he was collecting snails by their shells that Bug even showed any sign of pulling herself out of the book. 

“Buggy!” The little boy called, his tongue struggling with the complexity of the ‘gsy’ sound, and she looked up at him with a tired smile on her face that JJ saw right through immediately. “Buggy, look,” 

She held out her hand, and he gently placed a common land snail in the palm of her hand, no bigger than a quarter, who happily slid over her fingertip with a squishy sensation. 

“Thankyou, Henry,” She replied, her eyes trailing over the shiny slime he left behind over her palm, his tiny antenna eyes googling up at her. “What should we call him?” 

“Sid’d’snail,�� Henry replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world, crouching next to her to watch him crawling over her chipped pink fingernails.

“Hi Sid,” She chimed, and JJ watched her face drop into a completely emotionless expression the second Henry’s back was turned to find Sid a friend. 

She felt it clawing at her throat to come out, Emily’s alive, Emily’s alive, come back to us please, please come back to us because Emily’s still alive. JJ was watching her rot in front of her very eyes, and better yet she had the power to stop it with those very few words. 

She could put an end to all of this, she knew how badly it had hurt when Ros died, her older sister, her whole world ripped from her the way Emily’s ‘death’ was doing to Bugsy. She would have given anything for someone to have turned to her and said ‘Jennifer, your sister is still alive. Jennifer, it was all a trick, a hoax, a ploy to keep you safe. Jennifer, Ros is still here, alive and breathing and living her best life in Paris of all places.’

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t betray Emily like that, and knowing, no matter how much of a relief it would come, would put Bugsy in more danger with Ian Doyle and whatever other enemies her sister had made at interpol than she could have ever realised. 

So instead, JJ just ran a gentle hand over her hair that warmed in the sun, and started braiding parts of it absent-mindedly, like they were two girls in a playground waiting for hometime.

JJ stayed quiet, and watched Bugsy get worse. 

Aaron came over to her apartment at 8am sharp. He’d found JJ and Penny in floods of tears in the women’s bathroom when they were due to start the presentation of the latest case and they were nowhere to be seen. Spencer had become detached, quieter with every day that he checked his phone and saw no reply, but had mentioned he’d seen them go into the bathroom together as he got his morning coffee, only for their boss to see the two of them clinging to one another with wet cheeks and before he could even ask, Penelope splurged that Bugsy hadn’t messaged in four days and was refusing to open the door, and that even Spencer asking so sweetly, something that was usually her kryptonite, had failed to draw her out. 

Aaron was convinced if this didn’t work he was kicking down the door himself, even if it meant filing paperwork for a necessary home visit. 

Aaron Hotchner, surprising to no one, was soft on the youngest Prentiss girl. He’d watched her grow for four years straight, had come to her of all people in his hour of desperate need, and felt every second of her grief as if it was his own because he, like JJ, knew he had the power to stop it all but couldn’t. 

He called her name through the door first, her real name, loud yet anxious, along with a firm knock. When he heard nothing back, he rapped on the wood louder, “Bugsy, I know you’re in there. The team are worried about you, they’re worried you’re hurt,” 

Nothing. 

And it wasn’t just the team that was worried, it was him too, if his heavy fists banging even harder were anything to go off of. 

“Bugsy, if you don’t answer I’m sending for the SWAT team and asking them to ram this door down,” He said, with not a trace of a lie in his tone. Because he wasn’t lying, not by a long shot. 

He heard footsteps then, and she appeared through a small crack in the doorway, not open enough for him to see the mess in her living room, but enough to see the way her entire face looked like a cadaver. 

He fought back against the guilt choking him from the inside out.  

“Stop yelling,” She murmured, almost bitterly, “You’re scaring the cats,” 

“You’re scaring us,” He countered back, in a tone that was a little too mean, but from what he heard, soft and gentle wasn’t working, “Please, just let us help you, stop pushing everyone away,”

“That’s a little pot calling the kettle black there, Hotch,” She said in an equally harsh tone, her face scrunching into a frown, and she nearly slammed the door on him right there and then. 

“Get your work out clothes on, we’re going for a run,” He ordered, and it was only then she notices his sport shorts and trainers. She scoffed in his face. He was quick to shove a foot in the door before she actually could swing it shut on him, ignoring the way he nearly yelped as it trapped between the wood, “I’m not asking,” 

“Fuck off,” She spat, and he bristled at her choice language, but he saw the way her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She was a roadkill on a sidewalk waiting to be put out of her misery; she didn’t want to be prodded and poked at and ordered around, she wanted out. 

She wanted to go quietly, without a fight. And it was for that reason, he put up more of a struggle. 

“You are coming outside with me, even if I have to drag you down the street myself because this is not how it ends for you.” Aaron barked back, forcing the door open with one of his large hands as if it was nothing.

“Of all people, I would have thought you would understand, Aaron,” It was like she had slapped him in the face, though he thinks maybe that would have hurt less, and it was only then he saw her eyes had welled up, and her bottom lip was quivering. It was a horrible sight, it twisted his guts like he’d been stabbed by Foyet all over again, but it was better than the nothingness that was there before. 

“Ofcourse, I understand,” His voice softened, his hands coming up to gently rest on her shoulder like she was breakable china beneath his palm, “You think I don’t know what it’s like to want to hide away and never face a world without Haley ever again? I can’t, even now, imagine the rest of my life with her gone,” His throat clogged with emotion he fought off, because he refused to have both of them crying in her living room when he was meant to be the one pulling her out of it, “But I do it because Jack needs me-”

“No body needs me,” She said emptily, ignoring the way Sergio wrapped his tail around her leg and meowed loudly as if to tell her otherwise. 

“Yes we do,” Hotch insisted, seriously, damn near ready to shake her on the spot to knock some sense into her, “We need you, and better yet we love you. You may have lost your sister, but you still have a family waiting for you, Bugsy,” 

And that was it, the single crack that broke the dam. Before he knew it she had launched herself into his arms in a fit of tears, clinging to him tighter than he thought she could for someone who looked so weak and perished. 

He just held her close, feeling his own stray tears drip down his nose as his shirt got wet through. In another life, maybe he and Haley would have had a daughter, and maybe she would have reminded him of Bugsy, maybe his heart would soften to putty just the same way it did with her. The same way it did for Jack. 

And eventually, when she dried her face, and quietened Sergio down, she went to put on her gym gear and one of Spencer's hoodies she’d stolen and felt too guilty to give back, and they went for a run.

If there was one thing Rossi knew better than his whiskeys, it was how to cook a good carbonara. And if there was one thing Bugsy needed more than anything at the moment it was a buttload of carbs and cheese. 

Aaron had been taking her running every morning since that day, and even she had to admit the fresh air and exercise did her good, made her feel stronger and less like the women they find in body bags at the beginning of a case, made her feel like maybe, just maybe, she could get through the rest of this. 

It wasn’t going away overnight, not by any means, but she looked healthier, and her exhaustion meant she got more sleep too, but what remained was a hunger that she was filling with cereal and instant noodles that Rossi knew he had to put a stop to immediately. Instant noodles should have been outlawed with crack and underaged drinking, he would proudly tell her. 

So he invited her over for a cooking lesson, or as he would put it, she could watch him cook and eat as much as she wanted at the end, if she promised to never buy those awful microwave ramen ever again. And she’d agreed, because she felt her appetite coming back every day (and she knew where he kept the good white wine).

“Now as entertaining as this is watching you drain my stash of Sémillon, why don’t you chop up that pork and I’ll get started on the sauce.” He handed her a sharpened butcher’s knife, and the thin slices of seasoned ham, turning to use the stove for just a few moments, “You’re gonna add the cream in until it becomes thick, like cough mixture running off your spoon,” 

“Thick and creamy, you got it,” She chimed in, her fingers slicing the meat into strips, “Did you want this as diced or Julian?”

“Do you mean julienne?” 

“That’s what I just said,” He chuckled into the pot, his chest warming to hear some of that old bratty teenaged sass returning to her tone. He bet she would have run rings around him if she was his kid. 

“Diced, if you would,” David said, using a wooden spoon to stir in the thick cream little by little until the container ran empty. 

“Yes, Chef,” She hummed in response, flipping the chopping board around to begin slicing them the other side, “So, I’m guessing if I asked to try some of that Sauvignon I saw in the fridge, your response would be- oh motherfucker-”

David frowned, “Maybe not so harsh on the tongue but-” He turned around when he heard a hiss, and he quickly understood why she’d thrown the expletive out there. 

Her hand ran red with thick blood, dripping quickly down her arm, ruining her shirt. He didnt even care that his hand carved indian wood chopping board was permanently stained, or that the meat was contaminated, or that the blood trickled a little too quick over his floor, only that her eyes seemed suddenly far away as she did nothing to stop the cut gaping. It had caught her in a trance, one she was not even aware she had been sucked into until he grabbed a towel and headed for her. 

“Emily, no! Emily please, I need medical in here, we have an agent down! Emily, please, please don’t, please- Someone get medical, she’s bleeding-”

David’s hands grabbed a hold of her bloodied palm, wrapping it tightly in the cloth, so harshly it knocked her out of the daze she was in, dragged her out from the last time there was blood all over her hand, when it had been Emily’s blood, when she could do nothing but freeze like she had now. 

“I’m fine,” She said on a reflex, even though he hadn’t asked, he had just acted, pulling her towards the cupboard where he kept the first aid kit, “David, I’m totally fine, it’s just a little scratch,”

“You have to let me go,” Emily had gasped. "Let me go, Bug,"

“David, I’m fine, stop worrying,” She said again when she saw him fussing, hoping he couldn't see the way she’d started shaking, and if he had, she wondered if she could play it off as the adrenaline rushing to fix the wound. 

She knew she was on thin ice with the lot of them after her talk with Aaron. Like he said, they were her family, and family’s took care of one another. She couldn’t live with herself if she kept burdening them so much, kept them from grieving their partner just as much as she was; she loved them too. 

Bugsy was trying to get better, she really was. Sometimes it was just a little difficult, like now when she could still see Emily’s butchered body infront of her as if she were little more than that joint of pork she’d been julienning. 

“It’s okay to get hurt sometimes, kid. You don’t have to lie and pretend it doesn’t hurt if it does,” David said, sitting her back on the breakfast table, holding the bloodied cloth up where he was unravelling a spool of bandage and some rubbing alcohol. 

She shut up then, and she wondered if she was really that see through or if David was just that good at his job. They stayed silent, except for the moan of pain she let out when he doused her hand in the solution, pulling the skin closed tightly and wrapping it taut enough for her to feel her heartbeat in her fingertips. 

“It’s okay if you need a little help once in a while,” He continued, his movements gentle and careful, worried he’d spook her with the first real conversation they’d had in a long time. Rossi had always been closer to Emily than he had her, and maybe it was the fact he lost the few chances he had to be a father, or just the fact she reminded him so much of her older sister, but being with her felt like part of the wound in his chest was the one being treated. “Rather than being afraid to ask for help, remember this: When you ask someone to help you, you are actually doing them a tremendous favour by giving them an opportunity to feel needed.” 

“Is that a David Rossi original, or did you get that from one of your self help books?” She sniffed, hoping he didn’t see the way her expression had fallen, or her throat caught with an apology, or how she hid it with a small smile. 

“Richard Carlson.” He replied, pinning the end of the bandage in tight enough it wouldn’t snag. He sighed, looking at the girl who started guiltily at her fingers, reaching behind her for the corkscrew, “I’ll go get the Sauvignon, you order us a pizza. Just please god, no pineapple, that’s just as bad as instant noodles in my books. That’s like asking Da Vinci about bitcoin, it’s madness,” 

And that was the first time she properly laughed in weeks. 

While Derek was more than equipped to schmoozing the ladies when he wanted a date with them, he had not been ready for this when he’d asked Bugsy to go to the club with him.

She had been doing better, Rossi had said. She had seemed stronger, that was what Hotch had told him. Spencer said they’d even gone for coffee together. He left out the part where it felt awkward and almost like they were seeing an ex, though that of course would be impossible, because they were never dating. At least as far as he knew anyway. 

It had been going fine, they’d gotten two rounds of drinks, had been chatting and she’d even been giggling the more the alcohol hit her. She was looking more like she used to, and it almost all felt like a horrible dream hearing from the rest of the team the state she was in. 

He’d turned his back for a second, for two damn seconds, and she’d been whisked away by some frat boy, and come back to him with a crazy happy look in her eye that he didn’t notice until an hour later. 

“Where did you go, kid?” He’d asked, and she’d shrugged like it was nothing. 

“Needed the bathroom,” She said, and he hadn’t even noticed it was a lie until the light struck her eye for more than a couple seconds and he saw just how dilated her pupils were, like the blackness swallowed her iris whole, and the way she buzzed on the spot with more energy than she’d had in months. 

She was supposed to be getting better, and she was trying, really she was. 

But she couldn’t stop seeing the blood on her hand, couldn’t stop seeing Emily’s face now she could actually sleep again. 

Spencer was half way through his fourth re-read of War and Peace, in its original Russian translation, when he got the knock on the door. 

It was 10pm, he muttered to himself, who was bothering him at this time. 

But of course, as luck would have it, it was the one person who he hadn’t stopped thinking about, the one person who he hadn’t stopped thinking about for the past three years. 

“Spencerrrrrrr!” She chirped, and immediately alarm bells were ringing in his head, her fingers linked with Morgan’s as if he’d all but pulled her to his apartment from the cab. 

She wasn’t stumbling, and she smelled a little like alcohol, but not so much that her inhibitions would be completely destroyed, so he knew it wasn’t that. And Derek looked guilty, a serious kind of guilty like he’d suggested they take a drive on a motorbike with no helmet, or go chasing unsubs unarmed. 

It wasn’t until she flung her arms over his shoulders, and he’d pulled her inside, Morgan following behind with a nervous clear of his throat that he realised what it was. 

“Spencerrrr, I missed you! I missed you so much, Spencer!” And usually he’d love the way she said his name, but this time it was tainted, too false, too electrified. It barely even sounded like her, he hated the way his heart still pounded out of his chest at the fact she pressed herself so close in that little clubbing top of hers, those tight jeans. 

“What did she take?” He ignored her little hums of a song he couldn’t hear, the way she pushed herself even further into his body in a way he knew too well felt like a warm hug throughout her entire being. “Morgan!” 

Spencer had never snapped at him, not since his own days on whatever it was he was doing, and Morgan ran a hand over his face as she nuzzled her nose into his neck. 

“I don’t know, I swear. I turned my back for two seconds to get us another drink, and next thing I know this senior is hitting on her and she’s shoving gum in her mouth and coming back towards the bar- I don’t know what it was, I swear I thought it was gum, man,” Derek rushed, hating the look of desperation in Spencer’s eyes as he yanked her away from him with a small mewl of protest from her mouth. 

“Hey, hey, sweetheart, look at me,” He murmured, and she did, and he saw almost immediately the way her pupils were the size of saucers when she stared at him, crazed and intoxicated, “Do you remember what you took? I need to know so I can keep you safe,”

“You always keep me safe, so safe with Spencer,” She giggled to herself, trying to pull him back to her, but he wouldn’t budge, not until he got a real answer, “Come on, I’m going to be fine, it was just a little Molly, nothing to worry about. Kid even gave me a half for like ten dollars because he said I was reeeeeal pretty. Do you think I’m pretty Spence? I think you’re pretty, I think you’re super pretty,”

They felt themselves sigh in relief, because while still a drug, half of one pill shouldn’t really do much, especially if it was the cheap stuff going around frat houses that the DEA was having a field day with. 

Morgan looked at Spencer, where he let her shove her face against him once more, wrapping his arms around her back and feeling her sigh in relief that she was back there under his warm touch, and they shared the same thought. 

This never happened. 

Because if it did, it meant opening a can of worms Spencer had tried for years to shut tight. It meant acknowledging that the reason Morgan came to him and no one else was because he knew Spencer would know how to handle her when she was coming down in an hour or so. It meant acknowledging why Spencer would know that, and why they hadn’t acknowledged it the first time around. It meant their jobs would be on the line, and so was hers, and as much as she was struggling at the moment, they knew she just slipped up, and that this wasn’t who she was. They knew she could be better, that Spencer would force her to get better, because if the only other option was having her turn into who he used to be, then he was handing in his notice first thing Monday morning. 

That wasn’t an option in Spencer’s books, nor was it in Morgan’s. 

So Morgan left with a little pat on the back of her head, claiming she was a little troublemaker, though he hadn’t quite sounded as teasing as he’d intended and more bitter, and leaving Spencer with her to minimise the damage. 

Bugsy let him lead her to the spare room that once was hers, but she didn’t quite care enough to say anything other than, “I missed you so much,” As she pushed her face into his neck more. 

He sighed, sitting her down on the bed, knowing where she’d left some of her makeup wipes in his bathroom. 

“Stay right here, I’ll be right back,” But she whined again, making a grab for his hand, which he quickly avoided, feeling mean for it the moment he saw her face scrunch in hurt. He stroked her hair behind her ear, watching her melt under his touch, and it almost felt like nothing had changed, like she had never moved out, and like she hadn’t just burst back into his life after popping a bit of molly and turning his evening upside down, “I missed you so much, too, Bug,”

And he wasn’t lying. Not even a little bit. 

She looked up at him with those dazed pupils, as big as dimes as they batted up at him dreamily, and some awful part of him always wanted her to be looking at him like that, like everything he ever did in his life was perfect and he was a god among men. Like she was seeing her favourite movie for the first time on the big screen, when in reality he was just wiping her makeup off her face and handing her spare clothes to change into so she could sleep off the come down. 

It wasn’t until he tried to leave again to go get her some water that she put up a real fight, one that couldn’t be fought off with a gentle touch (he tried), and she was quick to grab his wrist, tug him closer to her. 

“Bug, I’m getting you-”

“Come lay down with me, let’s talk. I love talking to you, why haven’t we talked in so long?” She said like every barrier she ever put up had come tumbling down and her mouth was a free for all for her every thought. 

Spencer smiled despite himself, his honeycomb eyes soft as he shuffled to lay beside her, and they stared at one another, heads against the same pillow, and she looked soft than an angel laying on his bed waiting for a response. She looked happy for the first time in a long time, and he hated how much it suited her. 

“You moved out, remember, bug? You said you wanted to go home and I didn’t want to stop you,” He said gently, like he didn’t want to upset her. But she just giggled and shook her head like he’d told her a joke. 

“Oh, yeah. But I didn’t really want to go home. I wanted to be with you. I want to be with you forever,” Bugsy giggled to herself, wiggling her toes inside her socks and running a finger up his arm gently as she lay on her side, “I missed you so much,”

His brow furrowed, “What do you mean you didn’t want to go home?” But she wasn’t listening, she was tracing over his face with her fingertip, running over his nose gently, past his full lips that quivered under her touch, “Bug,” 

“Hm?” 

“What do you mean you didn’t want to go home? Why did you leave?” He asked again, and she looked back up at him with a shrug, shuffling closer to him, so close he could feel her breath fan over his cheeks. 

“I thought here with you was my home. I wanted it to be.” She said, her fingers finding their way into his nightshirt, “But I felt too guilty being so sad all the time, like I was getting my sad all over you and you couldn’t do anything about it because I was the loser girl with the dead sister you had to look after,” 

His eyes burned with emotion, and he willed himself not to cry, because suddenly it made sense why she had pulled away so fast. She looked at him like he’d hung the damn cosmos in the sky; had he not even paid attention to the letter she’d written Emily. She felt like she was dragging him down, the way she felt about everyone in her life, and decided to cut herself free before she took him with her. And look where that had landed her. 

He felt like a fool. 

“No, no,” Spencer whispered, pulling her into his arms, because he was scared that come morning she would take a million steps back and up and leave him all over again, “That’s not true, that could never happen, you hear me? I liked taking care of you, I wanted to take care of you.” 

“Really?” She asked hopefully, her face soft and dream-like, “I liked taking care of you too, when you would let me,” 

It was true he had tried to push his own feelings on the back burner, besides the few times the dam had cracked and he wound up with his head in her lap receiving the brunt of the affection that evening. He didn’t know why he ever doubted she would have wanted to do that; when he had his migraines she had done nothing but love on him until he felt full to the brim of her warmth. 

He felt himself chuckle, and she shuffled entirely into his arms then squashing out any last molecule of space left between them, and his hand slid over the back of her head, fingers rubbing softly into the nape of her neck which only made her moan loudly, entirely unaware of how sensitive her skin was from the molly. 

“That feels nice, Spencer,” She hummed, her thighs straddling his own as she squished herself against him more, “You feel so nice, I love you so much.” 

He would be lying if he  said the sounds she was making didn’t shoot straight to his dick, and hoped more than anything that she couldn’t feel how it pressed against his stomach angrily. His heart beat rattled loudly, and he swore she had to be able to hear it.

“I love you too,” Spencer sighed, wishing he could have said this to her sober. Wishing she wouldn’t shut him out so easily, wishing he’d pushed her walls a little harder. 

Then she did something he wasn’t expecting. It took all of two seconds for him to close his eyes and hum in content, where her hands were playing with the soft of his waist, and his fingertips stroked her jaw gently, but in a quick movement she planted her lips on his in a soft, sweet peck that he barely had time to register was happening before he pulled away in shock. 

She kissed him. She had kissed him. 

And he wanted her so badly, wanted her in every way it was possible to have someone, wanted to kiss her so hard his face went blue and his lips went numb and his throat burned with lack of oxygen. But he would never dare do anything when she was like this; vulnerable, intoxicated, unaware that the pill she’d taken had acted like a truth serum.

“We’re so silly,” Bugsy giggled, and for a moment she looked twenty two again, like the girl that had answered the door to him in college in nothing but her boxers and a shirt, with her metal music playing so loud he could hear it ringing in his ears minutes after she’d switched it off. She looked like his Bugsy again. 

Spencer chuckled with her incredulously, feeling his face on fire from her action, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his chest that had been immovable for months, because as hard as her come down would hit her, things seemed different now, like they actually had a kicking chance of getting through the grief together. 

But before he could say anything else, her eyes had fluttered shut under the warmth of his palm, and she had drifted off to sleep. 

He guessed he’d have to tell her tomorrow. 

–

taglist:

@release-your-sweets @smileykiddie08 @caramelised-onions@the-tpd-bau @stephthepeach @sunflowersndpeaches @sammy-4103 @starmansirius @yeonalie @delusionallooney @hades-disappointment-child @sadbae-33 @mdanon027 @swag13r @frickin-bats @bilesxbilinskixlahey @mindfullycriminal @mrsbellastyles @nilopillo @imagines--galore @bluejaysaysstuff @imaginexred @flow33didontsmoke @sadbae-33

[saturnville]

home to you, major john egan

pairing: major john "bucky" egan (masters of the air) x black fem oc (amelia egan)

content: bucky returns home after spending time away in the war. inspired by this gif set

an: an anon asked me for more major john egan fics, so here we are! ask and you shall receive.

Amelia Mae Egan found it difficult to adjust to the absence of her husband. The sound of silence was daunting and nothing short of a haunting melody that kept her up at night. 

The bed was cooler than Antarctica. The chill of the sheets stung like bitter cold. His pillow was left just as it was the day he left. Perfectly propped against the metal bedframe. She would lean over to inhale the remnants on his scent. 

Amelia wasn’t used to making her own coffee. Only he knew how to make it the way she enjoyed. When her own hands attempted to make the rich goodness, she spewed it out like a stubborn child and chucked the remainder into the sink. 

Breakfast was uncompromising without him. She couldn’t stomach more than a few bites before her eyes filled with tears and she slid the bowl across the table. It would stay untouched and crust over as the day went on. 

Her frustration grew even more when the overhead light in the bedroom went out. Her day had been long, and the last thing she needed was to enter a dark bedroom. Amelia found herself running around the house like a chicken with her head cut off searching for a new lightbulb. Of course, it was on a shelf taller than she was, so she had to use a chair to retrieve it. 

Amelia’s heartrate quickened as the agitation within her seeped through her pores. Her fingers flicked the side lamp aggressively. She kicked off her shoes and climbed unto the bed, the springs squeaking gently. She reached above her, but her hands just barely met the unlit lamp. 

“Son of a bitch,” she cursed in frustration. 

“Nasty language for a pretty woman.” Amelia’s head flung up like a spring. She released a noise--a mix between a gasp, a sob, and a laugh. Last time she checked, she wasn’t going to see him for another two weeks. But, there he stood, in all his beauty. 

John gave her a small smile and placed his suitcase on the ground. He gently placed his hat on top of it. His shoes kissed the floor as he quickly made his way to her. Amelia smiled like a child in the candy store and dropped the lightbulb on the bed. 

“Hi darlin’.” His voice was deep like ocean waters yet smooth like silk. His rough hands trailed up her soft calves and to her hips. He clenched the flesh of her bottom; she leaned into his touch, leaning down to cup his cheeks with her hands. Her tear filled eyes gazed into his loving blue eyes. 

She wasted no time connecting their lips. Relief and comfort washed over her body like tidal wave. Her baby. In that kiss was an intense fuel of passion that transcended all other emotions she felt before. Amelia released a soft whimper when his hands cupped the back of her thighs, hoisting her in his arms. 

One of John’s hands searched for the bed, laying her against it gently. Amelia giggled softly as her husband wrecked her neck with kisses, “Johnny.” John nudged her thighs open and slotted his body between them; she trapped him in position. 

“I’ve missed you, doll,” he whispered lowly, fondling with the thin shirt that covered her chest. His nose brushed against the valley of her breasts. “Did you miss me?” His ears caught her heavy breaths and soft expressions. 

“I did. So much. So happy you’re home.” Amelia’s fingers carded through his hair as she tried to maintain the small amount of self control she had left. 

“How about you show me how much you missed me, darlin’,” he commanded softly, looking into her eyes. She smiled mischievously and lowered her hands to his belt. Four months without her, there was much to make up for, and she was more than happy to oblige.

[marieracingteam]

If you do request. I have a idea of lance stroll stepping up to be a father of Esteban kid. Esteban doesn't know he has a kid. After reading Lance stepping up to be a father.

Lancey and the word mine – ls.18

stepdad!Lance Stroll | series

word count: 1630

summary: Being away from home is hard for Lance. Esteban, however, is determined to do everything he can to distract his friend from thinking about how much he misses his girlfriend and his little girl, luckily for him, his plan also benefits him a lot.

Lance thought he was still dreaming when he woke up to the cries of a baby. 

Lily rarely cried anymore. She had been through a rough patch when her baby teeth started to fall out and it was common for her to wake them up crying when she couldn't sleep in fear of waking up without teeth. However, the little girl had grown out of that fear and now, luckily, it had been a long time since Lance had last heard the little girl cry.

In any case, that cry wasn't Lily's. Lance could recognise his girl's cry in a million and that, without a doubt, was the cry of another baby, one much smaller than Lily was anyway.

Still disoriented from sleep, Lance sat up in bed trying to find where the crying was coming from. That floor of the hotel was filled with his crew and none of them had hidden a baby in the room, as far as he knew. So where was that noise coming from?

Luckily, Lance didn't have to wonder for long before someone knocked on his door.

On the other side, the driver found his friend Esteban. And the culprit of his crying? The baby in his arms.

“What…?” before Lance could ask anything, Esteban was barging in his hotel room and closing the door behind him.

That baby’s wails becoming even louder in the close space.

“He is sick! I guess? I don’t know what is wrong with him!” Esteban exclaimed handing the baby to his friend.

“Who is this?” asked Lance grabbing the baby.

He couldn't have been more than three years old, despite being tall. Lance hadn't met Lily at that age, but he had memorized enough of all the photos her mother had to recognize the details.

The boy's cheeks were very red and wet from the tears that kept falling. Lance didn't even have to touch his forehead to know that the boy probably had a fever.

“Is that your...?” he tried to confirm.

“I don't know! I guess. His mother left him with me last week, she says he's my son and that I have to take care of him. I'm on the verge of losing my mind, man.” Esteban was pacing the room while covering his ears with his hands.

Lance knew that feeling of desperation when the cries of a child entered your eardrum after a few hours of non-stop wails.

“Ok, don’t panic. He just has a fever. Did he had a runny nose or complained about his ears?” Lance asked checking the baby, who continued his cries.

“I don’t know! I don’t know mate! His mother was at my door after the last Grand Prix, she said she'd come back for him when she was ready. I don't know what to do. I haven’t told anyone else. But I need your help, Lance. He's been eating mashed potatoes, vegetables, or fruit for a week now. And he's got teeth! And now he is sick! Is it because of the flight? They said he is not too young to fly!” Esteban continued rambling for some time.

In the meanwhile, Lance sat down to rock the boy, gently speaking to him in a calming voice. His ear was red and he kept grabbing it, so Lance guessed there was the problem.

Lily also had an ear infection recently after summer vacation. She had been inconsolable and writhing in pain until the children's medicine kicked in. Lance didn't want to even think about the pain the boy had to be going through without treatment.

“Just an ear infection, Esteban. It's okay. Let me get dressed and we'll take him to the ER. He'll be fine soon when he takes something for the pain,” Lance said. And maybe he lied a little when he assured him that everything would pass quickly, but he knew that was what his friend needed to hear. “But you need to call his mother and yours. Probably your lawyer too” he interjected.

“This is too much, man. Too much. I'm not ready to be a father.” Esteban cried. “And what I am going to say to the doctor? I just know is name is Bruno!”

“Ok, relax. Why don’t we call your team’s doctor? They can help you. And you need to tell them anyway. Or what are you going to do with him tomorrow during press? Or while in the car?” Lance questioned while getting dress, the boy still in his arms.

“They are going to fire me!”

“They are goint to fire you anyway if you crash with Pierre one more time! Who cares? Right now you need to think about your son!” Lance exclaimed, making the boy cry harder.

“I don’t even know if he is my son!” Esteban shouted.

“Well, maybe you should start there! Esteban, I know you are terrified right now but you need to put him first while you decide what you are going to do! You need to call your team, first the doctor and next the lawyer.” 

While they waited for the team to arrive at Lance’s room, he couldn’t help but think about how he himself became a father. Unlinke Esteban, he couldn’t point the exact moment he realise he had someone under his care. He had not found Lily one day at his door, instead, Lily had found him one night at her door.

He had never had to make that decision to love and protect her. He had never had to wonder if she was his or not. That had never mattered to him. But he understood why it did matter to Esteban. He understood why he felt the world shif under him and how scary that could be. Lance had been ready for that change but he could blame Esteban if he wasn’t. 

“That was his mother…” Esteban said after he left the room to take a call “She is coming for him”

“What did she said?”

“I texter her to tell her he was sick. She said… She said that he is mine… although she freaked out when I told her I was going to do a paternity test. She probably thought that I would get sick of him and not ask any questions as long as she took him back... in exchange for a good sum of money, obviously. She's on her way and won't bother me again if I don't call the authorities.”

“That's fucked up, man. What kind of mother abandons her son for money without knowing if he's okay? He's just a kid and she's only known you a few nights before he was even bron…” Lance whispered, careful not to wake the little boy that had finally fallen asleep.

“Well yes, but it's not my problem,” Esteban answered, plopping down on the couch in the hotel room. Suddenly much more relaxed and rejuvenated.

“He may not be your son, but it's not right!” 

"So what do you want me to do, Lance? I don’t it is fucked up but it is what it is. I know this all may seem easy for you, man, but you just help raise your girl’s baby, that’s not the same of having a baby or raising one on your own”

Lance knew Esteban was on edge, he knew. Lance knew Esteban was stress and scared, he knew he need to be gentle and understanding with him… but how could Lance be fair when he was the one being questioned about his parenting?

“Why not? Why it is not the same?” 

“Because she is not yours! I know you love her, you know I like her too! But it's not the same as her being your responsibility” Esteban tried to explain.

And Lance did his best not to scream in his face. Esteban was his friend, a good one. He was just stressed and going through some deep issues. But those words were so untrue that it made him see red.

Since when was he entitled to speak about being a father? He had certainly not wanted to be one half an hour ago! Why did no one seem to understand that Lance wanted to be a father to a child who might not be of his own blood, but was so understanding when another man put his lifestyle before raising a child that was his!?

“Lily is mine, Esteban” he said and he realized in that moment that there wasn’t an inch of doubt in him. “She is my baby girl, my responsibility, my duty and my pleasure to care for. When you have a kid for real you would understand. Blood doesn't mean shit when you look at their face and you just know”.

At that, Esteban just nodded even if he didn't quite understand. But it was fine, Lance accepted while caressing Bruno's back when he whimpered. One day Esteban would tell him he was right. Lance himself wouldn't have understood it either before meeting his girls. Life is just crazy like that, taking you to where you belong without expecting it.

And Lance couldn’t be happier with where life had taken him. He just couldn't wait to go back home. To his girls. And he just hoped maybe some day Esteban found something like that too. Bruno too.

Because if there was one thing he would never have doubted, it was that Lily deserved to be loved unconditionally by all the people in her life, her parents above all. Her father hadn't been up to the task, but he would be. Bruno also deserved a family that loved him that way and Lance was not going to let that child go with someone who was not willing to do everything possible to deserve him.

I went a little different with this one, hope you like it!

[delespresso]

DESERVING ━━ Antonio Dawson x fem!reader

author's note; this one has been in my drafts for a while and honestly i have mixed feelings about it. but oh well, i might as well just put it out lol enjoy <3

summary; antonio had only ever been casual with her, but called it quits a while ago. only to come back after a rough case, finally realising it wasn't so casual after all

━━ ☄. *. ⋆

Molly's wasn't as crowded that night. She sat at the bar, nursing a drink in her hand as she rested her head in her palm with her elbow on the bartop. After a long day of back-to-back surgeries at Med, all she needed was a drink to wind down.

For the past couple of months, that drink was with some company. Tonight, it went back to the usual routine.

She wasn't sure where any of it went wrong. She hardly even realized there was anything wrong, really. Maybe it just wasn't right.

She took a large swig of her drink at the thought. The only thing that kept her mind off him had been her patients. Now that she didn't have that, she zeroed back into him without wanting to.

He'd consumed her entirely in the short months they were together. She should've known better. Getting involved with a man recently divorced – what was she thinking?

It felt so good to just be wrapped up in someone after long, awful shifts. And it was a win-win situation. She wasn't the only one benefiting from it.

Refusing to sit at the bar any longer, she shot her drink down in one go and left some cash on the bar. Usually she'd be chatting with Hermann before she left. Not tonight.

She didn't want to drive after that. Maybe she'd only had about two glasses, but she didn't want to take any chances. So she walked. She'd take her car in the morning.

Her apartment was just down the block anyway. It hardly took her more than five minutes to get back there.

Fiddling through the keys in her hands, she turned down the hallway towards her door. Stopping short when she looked up, very nearly dropping her keys.

“Antonio?”

Her voice came out uncertain.

He turned instantly. His fist dropped, he was just about to knock on her door.

For a moment the man just stood there and looked at her. He put his hands back into the pockets of his coat, rocking on his heels slightly as he cleared his throat.

“Hey,” he greeted.

Hearing his voice again seemed to sober her up suddenly – if she was even that tipsy in the first place. The last time they'd spoken to each other was three weeks ago. The time he hit the brakes on what they had.

“Hi,” she nodded.

Antonio hesitated. He dropped his gaze for a second, before shrugging lightly.

“Look, I uh–”

He met her gaze. She hadn't moved an inch. They were facing each other in the hallway of the apartment.

“I just wanted to check on you,” he admitted gently. “It's been a… rough day.”

She nodded slowly. It had been a rough day, for sure.

Bomb threats all over important locations in the city. Police stations, schools, hospitals – Chicago Med was the very last. They may have mostly been a hoax, but Intelligence didn't take it lightly.

Antonio's team was all over it. The second one of those bombs was real, dropped off at the park just within half a mile radius from Chicago Med – they went head first to find the perp. He ran with his team to investigate it all, while she was busy rushing the victims through surgery.

“It was,” she agreed. “It was rough.”

The keys tapped along her palm lightly as she looked at him. Neither of them seemed to be able to tear their gazes away.

“And how are you?” she then asked softly.

Antonio only stared at her. He looked tired. Like he always did after long cases like this one. These bomb hoaxes had been going on for weeks. It was only today that something truly happened.

And while they haven't found the perp, he took a small step back and let his team play their part as well.

“I've been better,” he replied.

She let out a slow breath. Holding the key in one hand, she gestured to her door lightly.

“Wanna come in?” she offered.

She wasn't sure why she did that. If it was even a good idea after everything.

After all, it was him who said they should stop. That it wasn't the right time for either of them. That they should probably work out their own careers first.

Antonio took a beat. His lips parted to speak as he looked at her, then he glanced at her door.

“Is that okay?” he asked.

She only stepped past him in response, unlocking her door and stepping in. Holding the door open to the side, she gestured for him to enter.

The place was just like he remembered. Although, he doubted much would change in merely three weeks. They ended up standing on two different sides of her kitchen counter, a bottle of beer in each of their hands.

Antonio glanced around the place, his fingers lightly tapping on his beer bottle.

“You finally got the heater to work,” he commented.

She'd been having an issue with her heater forever, it felt like. But now as he stood there, he realized it was warmer here despite the cold outside.

She hummed, nodding as she took a sip of her beer.

“I got a new one,” she replied. “Nothing lasts forever, right?”

Their eyes met. Something about what she said made them both pause and think. She didn't mean to imply anything, but she noticed what she did a second too late. Her eyes dropped and she took another sip of her beer, no longer knowing what to do with herself.

Antonio was just as bad. But he did know how he felt, at least.

“We were good together,” he spoke softly, breaking the sudden silence.

She paused. His words were like a wound in salt.

He knew he shouldn't. He shouldn't be pushing after he was the one that had broken her. But he couldn't stop himself. Suddenly he was around the counter, beer bottle abandoned as his hand reached up to cup her cheek.

When she looked up at him it was with those same doe eyes he fell for. The ones that made his blood rush and heart pumping. The ones that felt like a breath of fresh air after being cooped up for so long.

“I messed up. And instead of fixing it, I made it worse,” he told her. “And I'm sorry. I don't say it as often as I should, but I'm telling you and I mean it. I'm sorry.”

The words hung heavy in the air for a moment as she simply stared up at him with her soft, tender eyes. There was a clear hurt still in them and it made his heart clench.

“I don't deserve you. I really don't. But God if you let me, I'm willing to put in the work. To be the man deserving of you. I just… I just need your word. And your time of day.”

When he continued, she didn't even notice the way her eyes watered. This was the most vulnerable this man had ever been with her. Her heart was thundering as she realised she never got over him. And she knows she never will.

She didn't say a word. She didn't give him an answer, not verbally. Instead, her hands reached up for his jacket to tug him down gently so their lips could meet.

And when she kissed him it was with everything she had. It wasn't lustful or hungry. It was pure love and desire. A yearning that never once faded.

When he kissed her back, she knew then. It was undeniable — she was his. And he was undoubtedly hers.

liked this tale? be a member and buy me some coffee!

[everythingmp3]

late night love

adult!Van x fem!reader

you have a rough day and your girlfriend refuses to let you go to sleep stressed out and on your own.

authors note: I kept thinking about gf!Van and wanted to write sth romantic/casually intimate for her so this came from that <3

warnings: somewhat nswf but not very explicit, still minors dni

it had been of those days. 

you’d woken up disheveled and tired after a restless night and felt completely out of it, but it was the day before an exam, so you had to drag yourself to the library and study for as many hours as possible.

later that night, after trying your very best to stay awake and power through it all, you used the time during your walk back home to call Van, just to hear her voice, to be calmed by it for a second, to try and forget about everything else for a few minutes. your girlfriend knew you too well at that point not to hear it immediately, that you were exhausted and close to tears at certain points, that you were putting up a tough front, but instead of calling you out on it, she joked around with you a little, told you a bit about her own day, and reminded you how much she was looking forward to having you back the next day. 

at that point in your relationship, you slept over at Van’s place more and more, but you still stayed in your own room every few days, mostly when you had something to do early the next morning, since you refused to make her drive you across town, even though she would have done it, in a heartbeat. that week, you’d planned to come back to her place right after you were done with your last exam, to stay over for the entire weekend, but that night after your call, Van didn’t like the idea of waiting another night to see you again, at all.

she knew that you didn’t like to admit when you were going through it and needed her to be there for you, she was aware that you were careful with asking too much of her and it did pain her sometimes, that you thought it would be possible to scare her off, when she was so deeply devoted to you. still, she couldn’t be mad because she had a similar habit of downplaying her own issues, you two weren’t very dissimilar that way, so she made it her responsibility to notice whenever you were a bit fragile and could use some extra support.

after hearing you sound so drained, she couldn’t just sit on her couch and relax, it was impossible to ignore the urge to check up on you, so, around 9.30, after debating for a while whether it was a good idea or not, she finally thought “fuck it” and left her place to go drive over to yours. she didn´t text and didn’t call because she had no interest in being talked out of it.

while she was doing that, you were in your room, on your bed, in total silence, just laying there, not even listening to music because you were so spaced out. it wasn’t that you were particularly depressed about anything, but the days before had been stressful and there was a lethargy to you that night, that made no activity seem appealing except laying there and feeling sorry for yourself.

and then, you heard a knock. your roommate came in and grinned at you while saying, “hey. you have a guest”, which confused you for a second, before you saw her: right there, standing in the doorframe: Van. her familiar warm smile, her head tilted, her soothing voice “hey there”. 

your roommate quickly excused herself and left you to it. Van stepped into your room and was tickled by your stunned expression, the mix of shock and delight, the effect she had hoped for on her way over. you had to process for a second, and when you realized that she was actually there, reliable and generous as always, you briefly hid your face in your hands and let out a sound akin to a cry, which made her laugh as she stepped closer. 

you shook your head and looked back up again “oh my god. you have no idea how glad I am to see you, I actually might cry right now…it´s so late, what are you doing here?” you reached both of your hands out for her, eagerly beckoning her closer, so she got down onto the bed to sit next to you, her hands in yours then. she smiled, visibly amused, eyeing you to confirm what she’d suspected “well, I had a feeling you wouldn’t admit that you wanted me to come and be here for you, so, I took a wild guess”.

the way she looked at you then, all tender and patient, with such evident affection for you written all over her pretty face, made you realize just how desperately you’d missed her the days before, so your instincts kicked in full force and you pulled her down onto the bed next to you.

before she knew it, she was on her back. you draped one of your legs over hers and held her close while nuzzling your face against her neck and breathing in, deeply, which immediately returned a sense of ease to your body, your breathing more relaxed the second you felt her body warm against yours, her arm snaking around your back, a quiet laugh as she felt you lose all ability to pretend you hadn’t been dying to be comforted by her presence. “poor thing, you had a rough day, hm?” she cooed while, running her hand up and down your spine, a nod from you while you held onto her and savored the feeling of being all over her.

Van was used to your affection, to your ability to charm her in an instant, to the way you offered your love to her without holding back, even back when you’d only been together for a few weeks, she knew you as a passionate and sweet lover, but she wasn’t used to that more needy side of you, the side you usually hid from her. you made a point of being pleasant to be around when you were with her, you told yourself that you’d leave her alone whenever you were having an awful day, that would not bring her mood down, even though you had no issue tending to her when she was going through it.

it was clear that your logic was absurd because as your girlfriend she obviously didn’t see it as a burden to be there for you, the same way you were always there for her, but that was something you were still learning, still getting used to, and she had no problem being patient. it was endearing to her, that you were shy in that way, and needed a bit of helping along from her. Van recognized some of herself in it, your insistence on never being a burden, it made sense that you two had found each other, to maybe learn how to accept someone else’s care at the same time, to teach each other the same lesson through your shared love.

you were too overjoyed by having her back earlier than expected to be self-conscious about anything in that moment though, so after laying on her for a second, you moved up a bit to lean in and kiss her neck, all over, soft, heartfelt kisses that made her sigh in pleasure as she ran her fingers through your hair and felt herself grow hot, since she was not expecting you to snap out of your tiredness so fast.

it came out of nowhere, but her unannounced visit and the instant thought “I always wanna be around her” when you saw her walk into your room, made you feel overwhelmed with love for her in that moment, and she could tell from how you pushed your hand under her shirt to feel her up, how you hummed while getting lost in the sensation of her soft pale skin against your lips, how you laid there on your side, pressed against her, soaking it all up, the familiar faint scent of musk and wood from her perfume, still lingering on her at the end of the day, the smell of home for you, a sensual reminder of many nights you’d spent wrapped in her embrace.

eventually you moved up and continued your intense wordless way of saying “I’m so glad you´re here” by kissing her all over her face, her eyes shut, a faint giggle as you leaned over her and kissed her nose right in the middle, her cheek, her temple, right above her eyebrow, a lingering kiss on her forehead, a feverish trail of kisses, that left her blushing and utterly content, happy to just lay there and hold onto your back, as you had your way and let her feel just how much you loved every part of her, how easy it was for you to find energy even on a rough day, if she was there next to you. it was one of the things that had surprised her the most during the first weeks of being with you: how much you loved physical intimacy, not just the sexual kind.

to her you were the one out of the two of you who should be worshiped, it was clear to her that you were the one deserving of it, but you had matched that energy right from the start, and it never failed to make her grow even fonder of you than she already was, to feel your desire for her equaling hers for you. one time, after you were done having sex, you’d kissed her knees out of nowhere and it had almost made her cry . she had many memories like that and you kept adding to them.

after a while, you pressed a final kiss right onto her lips and drew it out for a few seconds, before pulling away and letting her collect herself, laying down on your back too then, your hand still on her, unwilling to go one second without touching her.

Van turned to you, a grin on her face, a sparkle in her eyes, her hair slightly disheveled from your sudden move on her. “damn, I should catch you in a weak moment more often I think” she mused, which made you smile, “please do, yes. god I fucking missed you...” the last part was said wistfully, and she had to laugh then because she couldn’t believe your sudden willingness to let her see it all that openly, it wasn’t your usual style, to be dramatic, but she clearly loved it, being so openly needed. 

“can you promise me something, baby?”, she asked, the pet name almost prompting you to push her down and kiss her again, “yes, what?” you nodded, looking at her, playing with her hand absentmindedly. “next time you’re having a bad day or wish I was here, just straight up tell me, alright? I can always say no if I want to, but I won´t want to, so don’t attempt to hide it. otherwise, I’ll have to ambush you like this again”. that last part made you laugh, and you knew what she meant, so you agreed “okay, yes, I will tell you next time, thank you. I’m really lucky to have you, you know”.

she shook her head, “no, it’s not luck, you make it pretty fucking easy to wanna see you, like.. I am not that selfless. I wouldn’t have come over right now if I didn’t wanna see you anyway” she said, while moving over a bit to return what you’d just done and kiss your cheek while letting her hands wander down your body, eager to see you relax even more, an immediate surrender to her, your eyes fluttering shut, your fingers in her hair, your mind finally quiet.

she was still in her regular clothes and it was almost 10 pm by then, so naturally you expected her to leave sometime soon, but she had another idea. she sat upright on your bed and looked around the room for a moment before asking, “should I sleep over?”. she’d been over to your place before a few times before but never for long because the privacy and space at her place were much preferable; she’d joked about how awkward it would be to stay over when she was so many years older than you and your roommates, so the question caught you off-guard, but you wanted nothing more. 

“what, really?”, you said, incredulous. she nodded, determined “yeah, I mean, I´ll get over how weird it is for me to sleep in a house with a bunch of twenty-somethings at my age, it’s fine, I just wanna stay with you right now”. your face lit up then, the evening was getting better and better, “well you’re much cooler than her boyfriend, so, that cancels the age thing out I think”. that made Van laugh then, “imagine us four in a room together, jesus christ”, you joined in on the joke, “oh you’d love it, some random young guy, surely you’d have a great time trying to talk to him”. 

of course you knew that college age guys were about the last group of people Van had any interest in talking to, the image alone weirded her out, “yeah no thanks” she said in a dry tone, shaking her head. you teased her a bit then, nudging her in the side, “you’ll stick to the young women instead, hm?”. she looked directly at you then, “yes. one young woman, to be specific. mine” that last word went straight to your core.

“you can say that again” you urged her. Van knew she’d gotten you good with that, a self-satisfied smile when she leaned closer to you, “what, that you’re mine?” she whispered, “hm” you nodded while meeting her in the middle until your lips almost touched. she gave in and repeated herself, “you’re all mine” her breath close enough to feel its warmth, “yes, yes I am” you said before pulling her in for another kiss, a slower and deeper one than before, moving onto her lap to be chest to chest with her while holding her face, making out for a moment to savor the taste of her, addicted to the way she always melted right into you, a light moan when you touched tongues. one thing that had turned you on right from the start, was that she wasn’t an aggressive lover but a submissive one, she followed your lead, opened her mouth for you, let you grab and push her, wanted you to; kissing her was divine, hearing her sweet sounds whenever you pressed yourself down on her, touched her chest, overwhelmed her.

a few minutes later, Van stood up and took of her flannel because she’d gotten way too warm, throwing it over your chair while looking around your room with a slightly judgemental look. “you need a maid, or something?” she said with a low tone, lovingly messing with you a bit. you knew she was referring to the clothes on your floor and the clutter on your desk. 

“oh come on” you said, slightly embarrassed, “it’s not that bad, considering my stress level. I have been dealing with finals all week, you know, cut me some slack”. Van nodded and grinned while moving to pick some of your stuff up, which was met by protest from you “hey, no, you didn´t start dating to play mommy for someone, I’ll do that”. she was busy folding a shirt of yours as she responded “well, my mom never took care of my things, so, to me this isn´t “mommy” stuff ”. she joked like that without realizing just how upsetting the thought of her younger self being neglected was to you, until she looked over and saw your pained expression, so she backtracked, “sorry, a bit too dark, huh”.

“you know your mom is lucky she´s dead already” you said, dead-pan, serious, which made her whip her head around while putting the clothes she’d picked up from the floor into your closet, her eyebrows raised, “oh yeah? because you’d go to Jersey and take her out for me if she wasn´t, hm?” she asked, ironically of course, but you nodded, not laughing, “probably”. 

Van hadn’t told you the full extent but she’d told you enough about her childhood for you to know it hadn’t been pretty, whatsoever. it always got to her, to see how deeply you cared for her, how rage-inducing it was for you to imagine her as a kid, scared and alone. it never failed to touch her, the fact that you were much younger than her but still saw her as someone deserving of your protection.

once she was done cleaning up your floor, she took the liberty of lighting a few your candles and cracking the window a bit, to give the room a final fresh touch. “okay, so, should we get ready for bed?” she asked, nonchalantly, pretending she couldn’t tell you were busy admiring her from your bed. you loved the sound of that, wanting nothing more than to get under the covers with her already, so you got up to join her “yes, please. you can steal some of my clothes for once”. 

usually you were the one who slept dressed in her shirts, in her bed, so there was something sweet about it, to switch those roles for a night. both you and her had already showered earlier that evening, so you only had to go brush your teeth, a brief heads-up to your roommate on the way to the bathroom that your girlfriend would be sleeping over, a knowing wink from her when she said “sure, no problem” because you were on good terms and she´d told you before that she approved of Van despite the considerable age difference. she thought you´d picked well judging by the few glimpses she´d caught of Van before.

after taking turns with your toothbrush because there wasn’t a fresh one available and she had no issue using her lover’s - 19 months in the wilderness having eliminated any sense of disgust over innocent things like that - you went back to your room and got into bed. you immediately moved your arm and leg over her under the blanket to be as close as possible, a sound of approval from her as she got comfortable and enjoyed the unfamiliar feeling of being in her lover’s room for the night.

you could hear a quiet laugh from her then, so you asked “what is it?”, a pause before she changed her tone to imitate you, “no, don’t worry, I’m fine, it’s all good”, the thing you’d unconvincingly told her over the phone earlier, so you gave her a light shove. “oh perfect, I’m glad you´re entertained by all that”. she put her hand on your head then, caressing you lightly, “no, I was actually pretty worried, I hate when you get like that”. 

you held onto her a bit tighter then, “oh it’s fine, tomorrow is the last final, then I have the whole weekend with you. I’m spoiled honestly, complaining doesn’t really seem right”. she was charmed by that, “well, I’ll make sure you’ll relax properly, don’t you worry. oh by the way, when do you have to be up tomorrow?”.

you reached over her for a moment then, unelgenatly laying on her stomach and pressing your weight onto her to grab your phone from the nightstand before laying back down again. “uh, the exam is at 8 and I need like half an hour to get ready and eat, so. I’ll put the alarm for seven.” she smiled, eyeing you, “isn’t the walk only like five minutes?”. you nodded, “yes. but I am gonna need that other half hour for something else”. she caught the subtext of course but she wanted to hear you say it.

“yeah?”, you put your phone away and moved over to put your face close to hers. “yeah, I wanna start the day right. on a high” you whispered, grinning at her. Van nodded, her palm against your cheek then, her breath still faintly peppermint scented, “good. I can help with that, I think”. you nodded, challenging her “me too”, a faint blush on her freckled cheeks then.

you were used to switching in your relationship, and it was fun to tease each other with it, to be equally eager to please, a shared anticipation in that moment when you both imagined giving the other one head the next morning while you were still soft and warm from sleep, trying to be quiet so nobody would overhear, reminding yourselves to not get lost in other acts, so you wouldn’t run late, stealing a few more touches before you’d have to get dressed. 

“it’s becoming impossible to ever wanna sleep alone”, you said, your voice already sleepy and quiet, your eyes closed, hers too as she got settled on your pillow while you remained laying on her chest. “well, that was my plan here of course. maybe you’ll consider my offer of driving you to class again, hm?”. you couldn’t deny that it did sound ideal to spend more nights at her place.“yeah I think I will. but don’t blame me if you get sick of me then” you whispered, already half asleep, she shook her head, “impossible. I love being with you, always”. she wasn’t the type for exaggerating, you knew she meant it, so you reached up and put your hand on her head, stroking her hair for a second, “me too. thank you for coming over and being sweet. I love you so much”. 

it was second nature for her, to do all of that, so she sometimes forgot that it meant a lot to you, the same way you sometimes didn’t understand just how meaningful certain little gestures of yours were to her, so she gave you a squeeze and moved the blanket further up over your bodies before whispering “I love you too. sleep well, angel”.

[daydreaming-in-letters]

Earth & Fire

Chapter X - Home

06/22/2024

Pairing: Hades (Hozier) x Anthea (OFC)

Word Count: 4,533

Warnings: blood (ichor), wounds, a little more angst, fluff

Summary: Even though they made it back to the Underworld, Aidon's life still hangs in the balance.

A/N: All things end (to quote the man himself), and so does this story. This is really and truly the last chapter and I hand it to you with equal parts joy and sorrow. It feels great to finally be able to complete this story, after more than a year and almost 54,000 words in total, it feels like a real milestone. And yet it hurts to let these two go. They hold my heart, and I cannot believe their story ends here. At least for the time being... So, enjoy, I hope, while I will go to church tonight and praise my personal Jesus.

Earth & Fire - Masterpost

Divider by @firefly-graphics

If you like my story, you are very welcome to like, comment or reblog. Please don’t copy, repost or share my work on other platforms.

Once again, nothing but pitch black darkness surrounded her. Faintly, Anthea remembered a time when this would have at the very least alerted her, but after everything that had happened in the past weeks, it did not even cause her the slightest bit of unease anymore. Still, she could sense that something was off. Maybe it was the silence, the complete absence of any sound beside her own breathing and the dull thudding of her pulse. Or it was the cold, the worst kind one could imagine, the one that spoke louder than any words. It spoke of loneliness, of the vacancy in her bed, beside her nothing but empty space, like the void he had left in her heart. In the distance, she could make out a faint glimmer that slowly crept closer, a winding stream of golden liquid, then another, more and more rivulets trickling in from all sides, collecting and then rising around her, higher, higher, then higher still until her whole body was surrounded by it. Frantically she kicked her feet, desperately trying to keep her head above the surface, but the gold clung to her like lead, pulling her down with a might she would not be able to fight against much longer. Still all Anthea could feel was this eerie sense of calm—and hope. Not for survival. No. This was the end, she was sure of it. But it did not even matter. Not anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. And so she exhaled, letting go of the last bit of air that kept her alive, his name falling from her lips as her breath passed them. 

Aidon.

“Sh, my flower. You’re safe now.”

Rough fingers brushed along her temple and cheek, their touch so gentle she would have recognised it among a million different touches. 

“Father,” she whispered and there was a slight hitch in his voice as he answered, “Oh, thank the Fates.”

Suddenly her hand was gliding through the air, a prickling sensation against the back of it, and when she opened her eyes, she found it pressed against her father’s face, tears clouding the usually so vibrant blue of his own. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you,” he squeezed her hand, “I had heard rumours of a disastrous fight in Olympia. There was talk of Zeus himself being involved, his temple obliterated, burned to the ground, and I was fearing for the worst. I was already on my way here to check on you when Thanatos came to tell me what had happened.”

“Thanatos?” Why would he of all gods go looking for her father? Why did the God of Death know what had happened at Olympia? If not…No! No, it could not be. He was not…he could not…

“Aidon!” Anthea cried out, pushing the sheets aside and rising from her bed in the blink of an eye. Her father hastened to get up as well, sensing what was about to come as her head suddenly began to spin. Strong arms wrapped around her and kept her on her feet, and still she struggled to escape her father’s hold, determined to cross the room no matter how ludicrous of an endeavour it seemed to be. 

“Anthea, he’s fine,” Hephaestus tried to reason with her. But his words did not break through to her in her frenzied state. “Listen to me, Anthea. He’s fine. Aidon is fine.” Finally she realised what he was saying and stilled in his arms. Through a veil of tears she tried to make out if he was telling the truth and she was just about to believe his words when suddenly he hesitated. “Well, at least he will be.”

“What do you mean ‘he will be’? Is he fine or not?” Her fingers fisted the dark fabric of her father’s chiton, but he only sighed. “Tell me, father.”

“I’m afraid it is not that easy, my flower. He may be a god, but other than usual, his wounds refuse to close. Injuries brought about by another deity tend to do that. He has also lost a lot of ichor, but there is still hope. I heard they have already sent someone to fetch him a drink from the Phlegethon. It is said to heal even the nastiest injuries.”

Anthea eyes went wide. She knew about the Phlegethon, the mighty stream of fire that wound its way through the Underworld, leading directly into Tartarus. There it would heal the tortured souls, readying them to be tortured yet again. But its healing powers came at a cost. If Aidon drank from the Phlegethon, it would most likely heal him, but in doing so, it would also burn through his veins like a blazing firestorm, causing him even more pain than he had already endured because of her foolishness. If only—

“Father, I need to see him.”

“Anthea, they are doing everything they can for him already. There is really nothing—”

“But there is!” Hephaestus looked at her in confusion. Of course he did not understand. How could he? He had not been there, at Olympia. He had not seen the powers she had wielded. “I need you to trust me on this, father.”

It took him a moment, but then his eyes softened and he sighed in defeat.

“Go then. I take it you know where to find him.”

She nodded. “Will you still be here later?”

“Of course, my flower.”

Anthea had already slipped out of his grasp and turned towards the huge door that led onto the balcony when she halted and turned to face Hephaestus once again. 

A faint smile played on his lips and his eyes still spoke of the relief he must be feeling upon seeing her alive and unharmed. She knew that feeling all too well, and as for a brief moment the images of this mountain of a man, shackled and martyred, returned to her mind, she couldn’t help but run into his arms again. 

“I love you,” she whispered, as she felt the familiar warmth that had been her safe haven all her life.

“I love you too, my sweet child.” He pulled her a little closer, one hand cupping the back of her head. “Now go. Whatever you think it is you can do for Hades, do it. He nearly gave his life to keep the promise he made to me.”

Anthea pulled away as she felt her father’s arms loosen around her form and with another nod, she set off.

Soft rays of sunlight welcomed her outside, soaking her skin in an unexpected warmth, and it was only then that she realised she was trembling. Under any other circumstances, Anthea might have stopped and noticed how much the Underworld had changed since she had last been here, but right now there was no room for sunlight, or flowers, or meadows and forests in the far distance, right now, all that mattered was him and she could not get to the place where she expected to find him fast enough. 

As she had hoped, the windows to his bedchamber stood wide open, but the curtains had been drawn, the dark fabric dancing in the light breeze that played around her. With shaky hands she reached for them, pulling them aside just far enough to slip through and let them close behind her again. 

Her eyes needed a moment to adjust to the gloomy blue light that barely illuminated the room, but when they finally did, she immediately made out his unmoving form on the bed. She was astonished to find him alone. Had her father not said that they were doing everything they could for him? But who were they and where were they now? Did this mean there was nothing more they could do for him? Surely there must be something to help ease his anguish until whomever they had sent to fetch some water from the Phlegethon returned. 

Quickly she stepped closer. Anthea could not tell whether it was just the cold light that surrounded them or if he was indeed this pale. He had never been the tanned type, but now his skin had lost even the slightest touch of rose it had ever possessed. There was no colour left at all, not even in his usually shiny pink lips, that now lay dried and sallow amidst his dark beard. Hollowed cheeks made his prominent cheekbones look even sharper, the contrast doubled by the darkened skin around his sunken-in eyes. Somebody had removed his clothing and covered his body with nothing but a light sheet, and still his forehead was shimmering from the tiny beads of sweat that had formed there. If it was not for the almost imperceptible movement of his chest whenever he drew in a shallow breath, nothing would have hinted at the fact that he was still the King of the Dead and not one of them himself.

It was only when she sat down beside him and reached for his hand that she noticed the huge stain of golden liquid that had already formed above his stomach. The fabric was soaked in it, and as she slowly but steadily watched the spot grow bigger by the second, she could not help the tears from coming, however much she had sworn herself to stay strong for his sake. 

“Aidon, please, you need to hold on,” she whispered as she leaned down to kiss his cheek, her voice breaking under the weight of the words she did not bear to say. Don’t leave me.

At least he was still warm, she thought as her lips found his skin, immediately hating herself for a thought like that. As if she could exist in a cosmos where this was not the case anymore. Even the idea was enough to drain the last bit of strength from her body, and she felt even more hot tears welling up in her eyes as she buried her face deep in the crook of his neck, as close as possible to the source of the beloved scent that rose from his body. His hand firmly pressed to her chest, every now and then, she could not help a soft sob from escaping her throat. Apart from that, it was silent, almost eerily so, even his breaths and heartbeat too shallow to be heard above her own. 

Anthea almost jumped out of her skin as out of nowhere, somebody chose to clear their throat somewhere behind her back. Her head shooting up from its resting place, she only then realised the soft, flickering shadows dancing on the walls. Warm tones of red, orange and yellow scared away the blue sheen that had covered them until now with ease. She was quick to turn, wiping away the tears that stained her cheeks and eyes in a hurry. And even though her vision was still a bit blurry, her gaze found the kylix with the dancing flames immediately. It was enchanting to watch them sway and flicker, to listen to their whispered chant, calling her. They spoke of hope, and as her eyes gradually wandered up the intruders form, she was eager to find out who she had to thank for their kindness of bringing it here. Anthea did not want to, but there was nothing she could have done to prevent her mouth from falling open as she finally took in the face illuminated by the flames. Minthe’s face.

Unable to utter a single word, Anthea watched the distance between herself and the nymph shrink with every step she took towards the bed. She did not halt, her steps never once faltering until she stood right before her, not more than an arm’s length away. She did not even look at Anthea. Instead, Minthe’s eyes were glued to the flames, even as her arms moved away from her body and held out the precious remedy for Anthea to take it. 

“What…no!” Anthea stammered. “I need your help. I’ve never…I don’t know how—”

“You do.” Minthe still did not spare her a single look as she spoke, her hands patiently holding out the kylix for Anthea to take it while her voice was cold as ice. 

More time passed, mere seconds, but enough to make Minthe sigh in frustration before she finally shoved the kylix into Anthea’s hands. She had already turned to leave, when she stopped barely long enough to say what she wanted to say. 

“Thank you for bringing him back.”

Her words came quietly, not even a whisper, but they were heartfelt and Anthea would have liked to reply. She was not sure what she might have said to the other woman, but Minthe took that choice from her as she hurried her steps to leave the room.

“Thank you.”

Anthea’s words followed her, but they probably did not reach the naiad before her body had melted into the shadows. Her eyes were still fixed on the darkness, when beside her a strained groan rose from the bed. 

“Aidon.”

In a second she was by his side again, careful not to spill the flaming liquid as she sat down next to him. One hand reaching for him, she softly caressed his cheek. It was clear that he needed rest, but what he needed most now was to drink the water from the Phlegethon so he could heal, and for that she needed him to be awake. 

“My love,” she addressed him, louder now than her tear-choked voice had allowed before, and to her great relief she could feel him respond. He stirred, his eyes reluctantly fluttering open. It took him a moment to focus and realise where he was, but then the softest of smiles graced his lips when his eyes found her.

“Aidon, I need you to drink this.” Anthea held up the kylix slightly so he could see it without having to move his head. “Do you think you can do that for me?”

He knew. He knew what was about to come, his body refusing to endure even more pain as his lips pressed together upon the thought, but still he nodded. 

“I’ll try to help, but first you need to swallow as much as you can bare.”

Her free hand dove underneath his head carefully and lifted it from the pillow. Anthea was reluctant to bring the kylix to his lips, it would hurt so much, making him feel as if he was burning alive from the inside and she was not sure if she possessed the same powers as he did and would be able to ease his suffering. But there was no other way. It was either that or—

Aidon must have thought the same as he had mustered the last bit of strength that still remained to wrap his hand around her wrist and guide her. He was quick to chug down the entire content of the kylix at once, despite the revolt of his body that stiffened beside her, his grip on her wrist tightening as he tried to fight his impulse to shove it away. He groaned and grunted, teeth biting down on teeth so hard Anthea feared they might chatter, and his eyes—she could not bare the anguish they held, begging her to make it stop, somehow, anyhow.

And so she let go of the empty kylix, ignoring the clattering as it rolled off the bed and hit the floor. She had no idea how, but she managed to move her hand to his chest despite his almost painfully tight grip on her. Anthea felt his burning skin underneath the palm her hand, felt the frantic beating of his heart that hurried to pump the blazing liquid through his veins, the heaving breaths he drew in between the waves of pain that rolled through him. But she needed to push all of that aside, needed to focus now, and even though she had no idea what exactly it was that she had to do, she could sense the stirring of her power as it flickered back to life. In an instant, it rose and flooded her whole being.

Please, make it stop. Help him. Make it stop.

She chanted the words in her mind over and over again. If her powers would listen and obey, if there was anything they could do for him at all, she had no idea. But suddenly the grip on her wrist loosened and his body went limp. 

Oh Fates, no. No, no, no. He could not be…he must not be…

“Aidon!” Anthea’s voice was shrill, a sound so strange to her own ears that at first she thought it had come from someone else. But then she heard it again, and the sting in her throat that went along with it told her unmistakably that it was indeed her own body that had produced this horrid sound. 

With a soft thud, his head fell back into the pillow as she busied her hands with the sheet that covered his body. Both hands fisting the cool fabric, she tugged, freeing his torso to reveal the ugly wound his brother had inflicted. And it was only then that she dared to breathe again. 

The change was subtle, still in progress, but the ichor came slower now with every passing second and soon she could watch the edges of his wound growing smaller, until it had closed completely. 

With a sigh she had kept buried deep inside for much too long, relief began to take hold of her, pushing aside the fear and despair and grief that had already been looming in the shadows. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks as her hand found his chest and rejoiced upon the gentle up and down, the steady drum that calmed her like no other, until the own beat of her heart fell into step with his. 

It was done. He would live.  

He would live.

She could feel him. Long before her mind had shed the cloak of slumber. His touch. She would recognise it anywhere. 

His hand moved tenderly, gentle fingers gliding along her arm, all the way down to her hand where they entwined with hers. And then his lips were there, pressing to the back of her hand, his whiskers prickling enticingly against her sensitive skin. 

And when her eyes opened, they found his immediately. His gaze was soft, with a pinch of melancholy, before it lit up. 

“I thought I had lost you.”

“You…you thought you had lost me?” Anthea’s confusion could not have been any greater. Had she missed anything in these past hours? Had it not been her who had watched her love being pierced by the Master bolt? Who had barely made it back to the Underworld with him? Who had made him drink that heinous elixir, thinking she had killed him with it? Had it in fact been the other way around? “Aidon, I thought I had lost you. And I almost did.”

“Ah, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. And you,” he kissed her hand once more before he set it down in front of her and let go, “you’re free now. You can finally go home.”

Home? Whatever was that supposed to mean? Did he not know that there was no home without him? Not anymore. And never again.

She wanted to tell him, scream the truth into his face if that was necessary to make him realise the utter foolishness of his words. But all she could muster was a frown before he went on.

“You know, when I first came here, to the Underworld, I felt like my life had ended. I moved like a shade among other shades, all the goodness vanished from my life in an instant, like the sun, exchanged for this never-fading, eternal darkness. By the time you came along I had almost tricked myself into believing that it wasn’t so bad, that I had finally started to feel comfortable in the gloom, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I know you feel the same about this place, who wouldn’t? And I could never ask of you to stay here with me. To share this misery I call life.”

“Aidon—” She needed to stop this nonsense at once, but he did not let her, shushing her with nothing but the sorrow in his watery eyes.

“But before you go, just know that I would do it all again, just to be with you for this blink of time we were allowed together.”

“Aidon, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s all right.”

“No, I mean I’m sorry to tell you, but I think you must have lost more ichor than you probably realise.”

“Excuse me?” The sudden confusion in his voice amused her beyond reason. This sweet little fool—her sweet little fool. Did he really think she would abandon him?

“Are you even listening to yourself? Aidon, I almost lost you. There is no way I am going to leave you now, not ever.” Anthea sat up beside him, first wanting to get up and pull the curtains aside, but then she thought better of it and with a mere flick of her wrist, they flew aside, letting the almost blinding light of the sun flood the room. She almost squealed in delight upon the ease with which her powers had bent to her will, but she was not finished making her point. “Besides, look around. Whatever happened here while I was gone, this place is so beautiful now. Why would I want to leave?”

“While you were…?” Aidon rose from the pillow himself, unable to suppress a little hiss as he lifted his arm to shield his eyes with one hand against the blinding light. “Anthea, this change did not happen while you were gone. It happened when we…the night you and I…”

“Oh!”

She could feel the heat rise in her cheeks and Aidon must have seen it too, coaxing the sweetest of smiles from his lips upon her flustered state.

“Exactly.”

“Do you think it has anything to do with…” Her fingers pointed back and forth between him and herself. “You know.”

Aidon chuckled. “How could it not? Two deities unifying like that.”

“Two deities…” Anthea frowned, turning her face towards the sun. “It’s still so unreal. I don’t feel like… I mean, are we sure I am—”

Anthea heard him chuckle again, and then his hand was there, warm and soothing, cupping her cheek to make her turn and face him again.

“Of course you are. No offence, but do you really think a mere mortal could have singlehandedly defeated the All-father? There is ichor running through your veins, my love, fire and earth bend to your will, the Cosmos saw Zeus defeated by those very powers…”

“By your powers as well.”

He huffed. “Whatever did I do apart from catching a lightning bolt with my stomach?”

She knew he had meant it as a jest, but the mere thought made Anthea flinch, and he pulled her close. It was invigorating to feel him like this, to rest her head against his shoulder while her hands dove into his hair, to give herself over into the safety of his loving embrace. Something she had almost lost, and suddenly it was her who felt the need to pull him closer.

“If it hadn’t been for you, I would never have even realised I had these powers.”

“I’m sure you would have found out eventually. And even if you hadn’t, this doesn’t disprove my point that it was all you.”

It was still incomprehensible, even though she had been there and lived through it. Had felt the power, had seen what she was capable of. And yet…

“But how is this even possible?” she asked as she pulled away slightly, just far enough to look into his eyes.

“That I don’t know—yet.” Anthea felt the strong impulse to close her eyes when his fingers only slightly brushed her temple as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “But we can try to find out together if you like.”

Anthea’s eyes went wide. “If I…Does that mean I can stay with you?”

“Look around you, love. You shaped this place into what it is now as much as I did. There is no way I could refuse your wish to stay, could I?”

Her heart fluttered upon his words, making her head spin a little as they truly sunk in and filled her with a warmth only he could cause inside of her.

“No, indeed you couldn’t.”

She found herself leaning in already, her lips gravitating towards his, and so did he. But then she thought better of it and pulled away. It was almost impossible to hide the wicked grin that wanted to break loose upon his dumbfounded face. 

“Although I could never stay knowing that I am only allowed to do so simply because it would be impolite to send me away.”

He knew she was bluffing, the slight twitch of his lips told her as much. He must be fighting just as hard to hold back a smile, but he did.

“I will have to think of a better reason then.”

Aidon’s eyes immediately dropped down to her lips and how she managed to stay serious and refrain from kissing him right away, only the Fates knew.

“You will.”

He took his sweet time, pretending to think about it hard, but then his fingers wove into her hair and when he spoke again, he had already pulled her impossibly close, his lips almost touching hers as he whispered, “How about this?”

She had missed this. Had missed him, the way he held her, the way his lips moved with hers, never demanding, never hurried, but gentle, enjoying her to the fullest, the softness of her lips, her sweet taste, the movement of her tongue against his as they slowly explored each other until the urge to breathe forced them to be sensible again, just for a moment, and their lips parted in a gasp.

“So?” he managed to pipe up between two breaths and the honest insecurity in his question astounded her. How could he ever doubt that this had not been enough to convince her? And still, she did not mind tasting more of his honeyed bribery.

“Hm, I am not sure if I understood you correctly. Could you maybe—”

He did not even leave her the slightest chance to finish that sentence before he let himself sink onto the mattress again, coaxing a squeal from her lungs as he pulled her with him. He winced a little on impact, but he left her no time to worry about it. Instead his lips sealed hers to silence any protest that might have formed. 

It would all fade eventually—the pain, the fury, the memory of the anguish they both had endured—until the only thing that remained was them. The God of the Underworld and the Guardian of the Balance of the Cosmos, Goddess of Earth and Fire. 

***

taglist:

@lowkeysimpinloki

@appreciating-fanfics

@notmanagingmymischief

@rosecentury

@fightmespideyboy

[graciegoeskrazy]

Last Resort

Sebastian Stan x Teen!reader

Warnings

HEAVY talks of Self-harm, mentions of mental hospitals/psych wards, reader has 2 moms (if that bothers you then just unfollow me), New York City lol, some language, not entirely proofread

Word Count

~2k

A/N

Can you tell I got really lazy at the end? Lol. Sorry for being mia again. Also send me all your fic recs. I’m a update the list soon. Semi proud of this one. Xoxo.

To put it lightly, it had been a rough couple of months, but the long awaited spring break had finally arrived. Your parents didn't tell you where you were going. You only assumed it was some nice dinner or lunch or a fun activity they had planned to kick off your week off. Going on weekend trips to the city wasn’t unusual. You lived not even an hour away, and your online schooling routine gave you and your family the flexibility needed to do fun things like this. This weekend, however, felt…different.

Before you and your parents left, you caught them putting one of your small duffel bags into the back of the car. You didn't think much about it. It wasn't until they pulled into an unfamiliar parking garage once you got into the city, that you started to ask questions.

“So, where exactly are we going?”

“It's a surprise.” Your mom said. A hint of mischief in her voice.

“I thought we were just gonna get something to eat?” You continued.

“We are technically. Well…you are.” Your other mom gave her a light smack on the arm as she drove through the building trying to find a parking spot.

“Don’t spoil it too much!”

They both stopped talking and sat in silence, placing mental bets on how much longer it would be until you started talking again. You shot another glance to the back of the car, then continued. “What’s with the duffel bag?”

Your moms exchanged gitty glances, having a silent conversation with their eyes, debating whether or not to explain more, or just let you see for yourself. They landed on the latter. You sat back abruptly in your seat, arms crossed, pondering what your mothers could possibly have in store.

The car finally pulled into a spot, and the car unclicked. As you got out and stretched your legs you caught a peak of your mom getting out the driver seat and heading to the back out the car. She pulled out the duffel bag and kept walking past you to the elevator. Your mothers paused, exchanged glances at each other's phones which seemed like some sort of text, then continued walking, signaling for you to follow them.

What in the world was happening?

…

The cool New York City air greeted you as you stepped foot on the pavement. Although it was spring and people were dressed like it was the hottest day of summer, there was still a chill in the air.

Your parents turned various corners and ended with you right behind. Ou asked a couple questions here and there, along with some not-so-educated guess…

“Is it…the zoo?”

“Is it a Broadway show?

“Are we seeing the Jonas Brothers in concert?!?!”

“Is it the Disney store? I think I deserve a shopping spree after all I've been through.”

You gave up eventually. With the unhidable smirks your parents kept giving as they walked in front of you, you could tell you were getting nowhere. One of your moms kept checking her phone every 2 seconds, so you felt as if you all were about to reach your destination. She grabbed your arms gently and led you forward so you were now walking in toe with them.

“You know we both love you more than anything in this world right?”

What the fuck is about to happen?!

You kept you cool and just nodded.

“And you know all we want to do is help. Right?”

Your first instinct was that they were about to send you to another mental hospital. You silently hoped and prayed that was not it. You already spent some time there and it was (simply yet accurately put) the deepest darkest hell you have ever experienced. It made some sense with the duffel bag, but still did not entirely add up. You just sent another nod her way.

She smiled and looked forward again. “We hope you have the best time. You will call us if you need anything at all. Understood?”

You quirked your head in confusion as all your steps slowed. “Okay. I need some serious context right now. What the hell do you mean?”

A new voice spoke up. “She means, you're coming with me.”

You whipped your head around and were relieved and equally confused to see a familiar face you adored so much.

“Sebastian!”

You and Sebastian had met when you were 7. You were working on a film together and since then have become inseparable, working on 2 other projects, seeing each other frequently, and practically trusting each other with your lives.

You both smiled as you hugged and greeted each other. “What the hell are you doing here?! What do you mean I'm coming with you?”

“One sec my love.” He said. He turned past you and greeted your parents. Your mom gave him the duffel bag while talking in hushed whispers. You couldn’t make out anything they were saying, but it didn't matter, you were too busy standing in shock from what was happening to try and figure out what was happening.

Your moms voice brought you back to the present. “We love you sweetie! We’ll see you later.”

Sebastian walked back towards you. “You ready?”

“Okay are you gonna be the one to tell me what’s happening?”

He sighed, “You need a break. So, I’m giving you one.”

Still vague.

“Okay? So where are we going?’

“First, grab a quick snack. Then, the park, and then after, my place.”

…

Your day was filled with scenic walks around NYC, delicious sweets provided by Sebastian, and it all led you to now. This duffel bag your parents brought was filled with some clothes and bathroom stuff for an overnight stay or 2. After getting showered in changed back at Sebastian’s apartment, you walked out of the bathroom to find Sebastian pumping up and air mattress for you to sleep on.

“You know I’ll just end up sleeping on the couch right?”

“Nope, I get the couch and you get the air mattress.”

“Hmm. In that case I’ll just take your bed.”

“Very funny. What happened to our movie night? I though you were gonna force me to watch the latest Spider-Man movie?”

“Yeah okay fine.”

You sat on the couch as Sebastian continued to set up the mattress, finishing it with pillows and blankets.

“Okay, I’m still confused. Why did my parents bribe you to hang out with me?”

He chuckled, “They didn’t bribe me, y/n. No one needs to bribe me to hang out with my favorite person.”

You smiled. “Okay, but why now? I still feel like I'm missing something.”

He put the air mattress pump down and sat across from you on the sofa.”

“Your parents and I are just worried, that’s all.”

You pondered his response for a moment. “Worried about what?”

He sighed, “About you.”

He knows

You let out a small fake chuckle. “Why on Earth would you need to-”

“Your parents told me what happened.”

All the color drained from your face. Sebastian must have noticed. He placed a comforting hand on your knee. He knew you kept a lot of things private. Although he knew of some things you were going though, now and in the past, he still knew you were a secretive person, you liked to handle things on your own. He knew it was hard for you to talk about things like this and also knew you definitely didn't want him to know about your most recent struggles, but your parents were desperate in getting you to open up, and Sebastian seemed like the safest bet.

“I- W-what are you-”

“Don't play dumb, y/n.”

The pain and worry seemed to turn to anger. You stood up and went to the kitchen to refill your drink. “I’m fine, Sebastian.”

“Trying to kill yourself doesn’t sound fine to me.”

“Shut up will you!”

“Tell me what happened.”

“I-“

“Go slow. Take your time. I’m here, and I’ve got all night.” He said that last part in an attempt to make you laugh, but it didn’t seem to work.

“A couple months ago…I don’t know, I was really tired. I was still in real school, the bullying was nonstop, everyone made fun of me for the stupidest things. I know I I better than what they said, or the stupid things they called me, but it still ge5s to you, you know? My grades were dropping as a result, I was being treated like shit at work with these terrible directors, and I just reached my breaking point.”

You looked at Sebastian, eyes asking for permission to go on. He nodded, pulling you in closer to him.

“I rarely told my parents about anything. They knew something was wrong, but they never would have suspected it got this bad. One night..I found a bottle of some old prescription pills that used to belong to my mom. I locked my self in the bathroom and just…”

The tears fell faster. You didn’t move. Sebastian just held you as you cried into him. His chin resting on your head. After a moment of catching your breath, you tried to continue.

“I spent a little more than a week in a mental hospital. It was like…pure hell. I never want to go back. And I know it all sounds dumb. I’m lucky, I went to a good school, I was working on a movie for christ's sake, I probably should’ve just sucked it up. I know it probably It sound like I’m a stupid spoiled brat-“

Sebastian grabbed your face genially in his hands “Hey! None of that. You do not need to apologize for what you did. You were struggling and weren’t in a good place. You do not have to apologize for that, you understand me?” You nodded. “All that matters now is that your here now, you're safe, you’re better, and you will get even better, okay? You’ve reached the bottom my love, but you made it out, and now there is nowhere to go but up.” You fell into him again. “And you’re not alone. You have your amazing moms, some of your friends, I beg there is people at work who care about you, and you have me, and you can’t get rid of me that easily, ok?”

“I just wish all of this was over. I wish I was fine, I wish I was normal. I hate feeling this way. This all just happened so fast. I miss myself, I miss being normal.”

“You will feel better again. And what even is normal? Normal is so boring. My love, you were never normal. You were this beautiful, intelligent, superstar young woman, leading a nowhere near normal life. The last thing I would want for you is for you to be normal.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“All you need to do now is focus on getting better, and know I will be there every single step of the way.”

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

Chapter 3.

Note: follow up to chapter 2.

Warnings: fluff! mention of smoking, hints of anxiety and feeling lonely.

pairing: Modern!Sihtric x you (f)

summary: You met up with Sihtric for the afterparty, and you got all stuck in your own head.

wordcount: 3,4k

Masterlist

'I only have eyes for you, trust me.'

During the days that led up to the last show of their tour, you and Sihtric stayed in touch, like you had done ever since you met again, almost two weeks ago. 

The afterparty you had been invited to would probably last til about 5 in the morning, Sihtric told you, and you just hoped you could make it through the night, until you could catch the first train back home in the morning. Sihtric said you could bring your friend, Gisela, to the afterparty too. But to her horror, she wasn't in the country that day, and had no way of going with you. And so you had to go alone while she was devastated. Not that you minded going alone, you were confident enough by yourself, but you could've used some support while facing the man of your dreams again. 

And naturally, your hands were shaking when you walked out of the train station, late at night, while messaging Sihtric that you were on your way to the venue.

You: I'm almost there…

Sihtric: can't wait x I'm having a smoke outside at the backstage entrance. You remember where it is?

You: yeah you only told me like 10 times x

You chuckled when you read his reply.

Sihtric: alright alright, just checking, lady ;)

Whilst shaking in your black platform boots, you walked through an almost empty street, adjusting your outfit; simple black skinny jeans and a black tank top, while a green and black coloured flannel kept you warm as you roamed the street on this chilly night.

Apart from a few fans, the street where the venue was located was rather quiet. You made your way around the corner, to the backstage entrance, and right away you saw Sihtric; looking down at his phone, taking a long drag from his cigarette while he leaned back against the door. His recently washed hair was tied back in a bun, and he still had that well kept goatee you loved so much, the sight of it shot a pleasant heat through your entire body. He was wearing a plain black shirt and black, slim fitting cargo sweatpants, which were, as per usual, tucked into his Doctor Martens boots. When Sihtric looked up and exhaled the smoke he had just inhaled, his eyes immediately found you, and a beaming smile appeared on his face. He flicked his cigarette away and walked up to you. A chuckle escaped him as he bit down on his lip, and he immediately pulled you in for a hug once you were in arms reach. Without thinking, you automatically wrapped your arms around his neck as he leaned in, and he snuck his arms around your waist, underneath your flannel. He quickly kissed your cheek and held you tightly pressed against his muscular chest, wrapped in his strong arms.

'Hey, baby girl,' Sihtric spoke softly in your ear, 'it's so good to see you again.'

'Hey,' your giggle sounded muffled against his chest, 'it's good to see you too.'

'How are you? How was your day?' he asked while pulling away, keeping his arms circled around your waist.

'Tired,' you pouted, 'work was rough. But happy to be here of course. Happy to see you.'

'Yeah? Awh,' he smiled sweetly, 'glad you made it, love,' he said, looking you up and down.

'But how are you? How was the show?' you asked while Sihtric was quick to reach for a pack of gum in his pocket.

'All good,' Sihtric said, chewing the mint flavoured gum while his hands lightly stroked your sides, 'everything went pretty smooth. This tour was just a bit of warm up, really. But that's all I can tell you for now,' he winked with a cheeky grin.

You stared into each other's eyes for a moment, then Sihtric chuckled again and hummed softly, bringing one hand up to cup your cheek, leaning in closer.

'You look beautiful,' he said, drawing his lower lip between his teeth as he gave you a cheeky half-smile.

'You're looking handsome yourself,' you smiled, hands placed on his broad chest as he just wouldn't let go of you.

Sihtric thanked you and leaned in even closer, his lips brushing lightly over yours while you both smiled. Tingles spread through your entire body as his warm hand held your cheek, and his hot, minty smelling breath tickled your lips. You were absolutely oblivious to your surroundings, completely captivated by his eyes, his touch, his smile and his pleasant smell. And just when you thought he was going to kiss you, Sihtric suddenly pulled away with a deep sigh. You snapped out of your dazed state and then realised a few young fans had recognised the bass player who had his arms around you, and they were trying to gather the courage to walk up to him. Sihtric had noticed them already while he was waiting for you, but thought the teenagers wouldn't gather the courage anyway. He desperately wanted to kiss you as soon as he saw you, but he knew better than to kiss someone out in the open, as a sneakily taken video was only two screen taps away, and he didn't want to cause you any more trouble than he had already done when he decided to follow your instagram. And just when he was barely able to resist you anymore, his lips touching yours while you closed your eyes, anticipating him, he glanced towards the young fans and saw they hesitantly walked over from across the street.

Sihtric wasn't an asshole, but he also wasn't in the mood to pay attention to anyone that wasn't you right now. He just desperately wanted to kiss you, or at least have you completely alone for a minute or two. So he pulled his backstage pass out of his pocket, swiftly scanned it to unlock the door which he then held open for you, and he quickly followed you into the dimly lit, empty hallway. Sihtric closed the door while you turned to face him, not knowing where to go as the venue was completely strange to you. But instead of guiding the way, he pulled you close again and took your face in his rough yet gentle hands, leaning in while he towered over you, and he pressed his warm lips onto yours, softly, as if asking permission for more. And when you finally grasped what was happening, you managed to kiss him back, your hands finding their way to his waist. 

You couldn't actually believe you were kissing the guy you had a crush on ever since you first met him, all those years ago, so without thinking, or really having any other option, you surrendered to him entirely. And when Sihtric broke the soft kiss which had turned firm, you almost whined at the loss, but his lips didn't stray far, in fact, they were still touching yours lightly as he spoke.

'You mind a little tongue?' he whispered, smiling against your lips.

'I don't mind,' you breathed, and a nervous giggle slipped out, to your embarrassment.

Sihtric chuckled and stepped back, took out the gum he was chewing on and threw it in a trash can. And before you knew it, his rough hands gently took your face again, and he kissed you tenderly once more, then slowly made you part your lips along with his. He carefully explored your lips with his tongue for a moment, before he hummed as if satisfied, and eagerly deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into your mouth with ease, desperately wanting to feel and taste all of you as much as he could. You felt his hand move up to the back of your neck while his other hand trailed down to your waist, and your hands were simply still frozen on his waist, but your fingers had intensely curled around his shirt. You were lightheaded, filled with lust and nerves at the same time. The feeling of kissing Sihtric was overwhelming, yet it was also a feeling you never wanted to lose, a feeling you would forever want to chase. And when you both needed air, you unwillingly broke the kiss at the same time, breathing heavy onto each other's lips while refusing to pull away further.

'You good with this, hm?' Sihtric breathed, his hoarse voice tensing up your lower abdomen instantly.

'Y-yeah,' you sighed, then buried your face in his chest as you couldn't stop yourself from giggling like a teenager.

You felt Sihtric's hand on the back of your head, gently keeping you pressed against his chest and he lightly swayed his body while holding you, understanding you needed a moment. When you softly hummed, he took your chin and guided your lips back to his, as he leaned back against the door. You have no idea how long you kissed there, right at the entrance, but it didn't feel as if you got enough of him once he pulled away.

'I think we should head to the party,' Sihtric chuckled, 'or I'll get shit for not showing up.'

He looked down at you and slowly traced your lips with his rough thumb. 'Stay by my side?' he asked, almost pleading.

'Well, yeah,' you chuckled, 'I'm here because of you. I don't know anyone else here, really.'

'Good,' Sihtric smiled, 'then I won't have to worry that you wander off.' He grinned.

'As if,' you rolled your eyes and smiled, 'but, eh, can I put my flannel somewhere? It's quite warm here already.'

'Yeah, of course,' he said, 'anything valuable in there? Because then you should just put it in my dressing room. I don't know most of the people at these parties either, I keep my stuff away from the party really.'

'Oh, yeah, okay,' you nodded, 'my keys and such are in there so, yeah.'

Sihtric took your hand and led you down some stairs, to his dressing room. He took your flannel off your shoulders, threw it on the couch, and deliberately brushed his hands over your bare arms as he ushered you out of the room again. Then he wrapped his arm around your waist and finally led the way to the afterparty, which was at the end of the hallway you had shared your first kiss at. He walked you down some other stairs and opened the door to a large, dimly lit room. The room was quite warm and busy, the music loud, but not painfully loud, and you were immediately greeted by a faint smell of weed as you walked in. 

Sihtric offered you a drink and you nervously sipped from your glass once he handed it to you. You could feel his eyes on you when you scanned the room, spotting the other band members, who were all each surrounded by at least a dozen girls, and you grimaced but then snorted.

'Yeah, don't ask,' Sihtric's lips grazed your ear as he spoke to you, and his arm found its way back around your waist again, 'they always got a bunch of ladies hanging around them. They love it.'

'And you?' you asked, still needing the reassurance you weren't going to be replaced as soon as some other lady walked up to him.

Sihtric shook his head and leaned in again.

'I only have eyes for you, trust me,' he smiled when he looked down at you, squeezing your shoulder.

You felt flattered and completely flushed. Slowly but surely everything was dawning on you. Where you were and with who you were, and you decided to try and just let it all happen. You desperately tried to get out of your own head while Sihtric kept hugging you and stole kisses whenever he could. And he murmured in your ear when he wasn't pecking your cheek or nuzzling your neck.

'I'm so glad you're here,' he murmured, 'haven't been able to stop thinking about you since we met last time. Can't get you out of my head.' 

But it all suddenly became overwhelming when a few girls walked up to Sihtric. He wanted to ignore them, but knew it would be rude of him to do so, and then reluctantly took his eyes off you. You took a step back, but Sihtric kept his arm around you.

'Will you sign my boobs?' one of the fans asked with a grin.

You wondered what Sihtric would do, and within a split second you imagined how you would feel if he would say yes. Would you be okay with that? Not really… but, you had no right to complain either. You weren't dating. You don't even know if you could consider yourself friends. What exactly were you to him, you suddenly wondered, and it only made you feel more overwhelmed and insecure. And you suddenly felt going to the party might have been a mistake, you would probably get your silly little heart broken by this guy.

'Nah,' Sihtric replied to the fan, 'but I'll sign your arm or shirt, if you want?' 

The small group of girls eagerly accepted his offer. Sihtric looked at you, conflicted, and brought his lips to your ear again.

'One sec, okay?' he said, 'I'm sorry, I'd rather have you all alone now, instead of all this.'

Sihtric grabbed a marker of the table next to you and pulled off its cap with his teeth, not wanting to let go of you, and he carefully, but quickly signed all their shirts. Apparently there was a rule to not ask for any pictures at the party so, after his signature, the fans politely thanked him. They tried to flirt with him for a moment, completely ignoring your presence next to him, but when it became clear to them that Sihtric wasn't interested, the girls turned to the other members.

In the meantime you felt rather dizzy. You were tired and overwhelmed, and in truth, all you wanted was to go home, get in bed, and sleep. Maybe even cry, actually. And Sihtric suddenly saw your teared up eyes and blank expression when he brought his eyes back on you.

'Hey,' he said, concerned, pulling you closer and towards an empty corner, 'what's wrong? You okay, babe?'

'Yeah, I'm just… tired, I guess,' you said, 'I feel a little dizzy. I think I need some air.' 

You swallowed hard and stepped away, pushing to open the heavy door, and Sihtric was fast to help you as you struggled. Without asking, or saying another word, he took your hand and walked you out of the crowded, warm and loud room, into the cool air of the dimly lit hallway. You inhaled deeply and exhaled sharply, eyes closed as you leaned back against the wall, which felt cold against your back. A welcoming feeling, you thought. Sihtric towered over you as he placed one hand on the wall right next to your shoulder, and he carefully took your chin with his fingertips.

'What happened, love?' he asked, a worried look painted his face.

'I think I'm just tired and overwhelmed. I'm really sorry,' you said quietly.

'There's nothing to say sorry for,' Sihtric smiled softly and caressed your cheek with his thumb, 'come,' he guided you with him, back to his dressing room, where he sat you down and handed you a bottle of water.

He sat down next to you on the black, leather couch, his arm around you as it rested on the couch's pillows, and he scooted closer.

'Can I get you something? Anything? Some food maybe?' Sihtric asked, his voice calm and low, 'or do you wish to go home, love?'

'No, thank you,' you smiled weakly, 'sorry if I ruined your night. You can go back, I'll… find my way out,' you shrugged, 'I can call a friend who lives here, it's no problem.'

'I don't know what you're talking about,' he said, carefully monitoring you, 'if anything,' he chuckled, 'I'm glad I had a valid reason to leave that party. But if you think I'm letting you head out on the streets on your own right now, you're wrong.'

You smiled at him, simply being speechless because of everything.

'Wait,' Sihtric scoffed, 'you came here by train. What time is your last train even?'

You glanced at the time and saw almost two hours had passed since you arrived in the city.

'Yeah,' you sighed, 'there is no more last train. The next train is in about three hours. I hoped I could linger around at the party long enough to catch that train back home,' you smiled sheepishly.

'At four in the morning?' Sihtric frowned, 'what… why… hold on,' he said, 'you thought you could stay up all night, here, partying, and then take the train back?'

'Yeah, I was a little too enthusiastic, I guess,' you admitted.

'Sweetheart,' Sihtric chuckled, 'you... clearly you won't last another ten minutes here-'

'I know. But like I said, I can call a friend, I'm sure they're still awake. I can grab a cab or something, don't worry about it.'

'Where does your friend live?'

You reluctantly told Sihtric your friend lived at the other side of town, in a rather dodgy neighbourhood.

'Oh, no, absolutely not,' Sihtric said, his voice firm but still polite, 'look,' he exhaled sharply, 'just… just come with me, to my hotel. Stay the night, I'll get you home tomorrow.'

'Sihtric, wh- I mean,' you stammered, 'I- I… I appreciate that, but, I don't know,' you looked down at your feet and mumbled, 'I don't think that's a good idea.'

'What makes you think that?' he asked quietly, studying you as you carefully seemed to pick your next words.

You already embarrassed yourself today, you thought, so you might as well make it worse and ruin whatever it is that you had going with Sihtric. It would be for the best, probably, to just get this over with before you got too attached.

'Look,' you finally spoke up, 'obviously, I like you,' you blurted out, 'but I don't… I don't want to spend a night with you and possibly fall even more for you, only to be just… played.'

'Played?' Sihtric asked and sat back, confused and perhaps even slightly offended, 'you think I'm asking you to come to my room because I want to fuck you?' he stared at you and licked his lips, 'listen,' he leaned in again, 'you think I stayed in touch with you just for laughs? To play you? Really?'

'I don't know,' you said softly, 'I don't even know what this is,' you gestured to him, 'I don't know what you want or expect from me. You seem to like… like flirt with me, invite me here, make out with me and all that, and now you ask me to stay over. But I just…' you threw your hands up.

'No, no, listen to me, babe,' Sihtric cupped your cheek and stared into your eyes, 'this life,' he said, his voice barely louder than a whisper, 'my life, is really fucking lonely.'

He averted his suddenly vulnerable looking eyes.

'It's really hard to make friends or keep the friends I already have. You and I… we just vibe somehow,' he looked back at you with soft eyes. 'I like your company. I like our conversations and I like your energy. I like you,' he smiled sweetly, 'and I'm not simply looking to fuck. I mean, hey, I gladly will, lady,' he chuckled, 'but I just want to get to know you. And clearly, you need to get to know me too. I like you, I really do. But I don't want to rush anything either, so maybe I wasn't direct enough when I invited you here. We can do everything at your pace, I promise. I'm only asking you to come with me because, in truth, it is the safest option for you to spend the night in this town. But also because I just… I feel so… gods, this is so fucking cheesy,' he shook his head, 'but I feel so happy when you're around, or when we just talk, even online. And I'm really sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I'm not looking for a one night stand, I actually thought I made that clear when we messaged, you know?'

You felt so many emotions going through at once, you felt rather lightheaded again. You could only stare up into his eyes while your hands were tightly wrapped around the water bottle.

'I swear I'm not playing you,' Sihtric whispered and cupped both your cheeks, 'I'm really not, baby. I promise I'm not messing with you. And I promise I'm not expecting you to sleep with me anytime soon, if you don't feel comfortable. But just… please, stay with me, baby?' he pleaded, 'just tonight. We're not going to do anything you don't want to do, I promise.'

taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylasthegrim @bubbles-for-all-of-us @andakth @bel-bottoms @willowbrookesblog @lady-targaryens-world @skyofficialxx @diosademuerte @elle4404 @alexagirlie @sweetxime @solango @gemini-mama @cheyennep3107 @little-diable @jennifer0305 @drwstarkeyy @mrsarnasdelicious @verenahx @urmomsgirlfriend1

[silaswritesthings]

“I love you just a little too much” - Act 2

Teaser, Act 1, Act 2, Act 3

Summary: You received your notebook back without a fight from your classmate but what do you do when you find another note written alongside an unknown number inside your notebook?

Starring: (Yandere) Xiao

Genre: Yandere

Warnings: implied murder and assault, mentions of corpses, implications of violence, possessiveness, toxic relationships, stalking. (Please tell me if I missed anything)

Author’s note: Please heed the warnings, I definitely took more than a week to write this but I had dozens of breakdowns (exaggeration) while trying go make some new ideas i had work. Minors don’t interact (if it wasn’t obvious enough). I don’t know how this will do and I hesitated posting this but yolo ig. New followers, likes, reblogs and comments will always be appreciated. Feedback will also be appreciated. HEED THE WARNINGS!!!

Word count: 2321 words

It was almost 4pm and you were standing by the entrance of your university. Cold air pierced your skin through the thick sweater you wore, a gift from your late grandmother which was the only thing your relatives allowed you to keep, and the result of your frozen stature was now a mix of the weather and the thought of getting into a fight to get your notebook back.

The guard by the gate had glanced at you every now and then during the 30 minutes you had spent standing by the gate as you sorted through your thoughts trying to find a solution to go around this confrontation with your classmate. Every minute that passed was more dull than the last and you would check your phone periodically to kill the mundanity despite knowing there would be no notifications, especially since your relatives’ constant nagging was cut to an abrupt stop. You did not question it in fear of jinxing your new found luck.

The golden sun burned the back of your neck like your thoughts that plagued your mind. It was almost 4pm and your heart would beat a dozen times for every second that passed like a broken alarm, your inner voice screaming at you to get out of there because this was dangerous but that notebook… it had things you wished to keep to yourself and you prayed to every deity you could think of that your groupmate didn’t have time to look into your notebook. All the drawings of Xiao, the letters, the poetry… you tensed. You would do this to keep the dignity of the fictional character too. This was the only time you felt ashamed for pining so hard on him but how could you blame yourself when he was far more preferable to the human beings you found yourself surrounded by?

You checked your phone.

15:59.

You checked your phone again.

15:59.

Seconds continued to tick in your mind and it drove you to the brink of insanity but a smidget of hope that perhaps time had frozen for you to make your escape kept you sane. It was as if fate itself had taken pity on you and had given you a final opportunity to escape this disaster of a situation- but Xiao… Were you a masochist?

Your screen flashed at 1600 hours.

You felt your insides churn, as if they planned to run without you at any moment but your mind shifted to the name that popped up on your phone and Xiao’s theme, your ringtone, played through your phone. It was your roommate.

Undeterred by your rough relationship with her, you considered answering the call, your finger hovering above the answer button for a moment but you declined it at the last moment. She wouldn’t save you even if she had the chance. No one would.

You stared at the screen of your phone as if expecting to hear the voice of your roommate harass you from your phone.

“You’re unreliable and selfish, you know that?” She’d spit at you. You would then hear the sound of things falling to the floor from the other side of the phone, the sound of your favourite set of teacups perhaps. Or even the self portrait you’d recently gotten framed, your therapist insisted this would ‘lift’ your self esteem, and your clothing being scattered to the floor like trash and she would then grab you by the shoulders and dig her nails into your skin like she did that one time and-

“I’m sorry.” A voice brought you out of your trance. Something was pushed against your chest with shaking fingers and you looked up numbly from your phone screen, which had dimmed, to the narrowed pupils of your classmate. “Please take it,” He said as he lowered his eyes to the notebook he had pushed against you which, you realised, was yours. “I didn’t look through it.”

Your mind caught up with his actions. “What are you-“

“Take it.” His voice was hoarse and weak as if he was afraid to speak, as if using the wrong tone was enough to cause the sky to descend upon him. You wrapped your arms around the notebook and secured it against your chest while you watched him with eyes filled with questions. His own eyes darted around subtly, his fingers making unneeded adjustments to the hoodie that covered his head. His tense shoulders relaxed visibly after a moment but not completely- he looked at you with an unreadable expression. “Have you heard from our other groupmates?”

You shook your head. In your group you were a total of seven but today, you realised, you had only seen two of them in class. You opened your mouth to ask your groupmate about the absurdity of the absence of the other members but he hurried off without a word before you could speak. He left you in a bout of confusion but his odd behavior was not the subject of it, it was the fact that he had bruises on his face he failed to hide with his hood.

Dismissing the encounter, you scanned your notebook and there were no signs of vandalism in it. It was in the exact same state as it was before you parted with it except for one page. There was one thing your classmate could’ve vandalized or used against you and it was the page you admired before he took your notebook from you but what you saw was not quite what you were expecting. In the familiar penmanship of the note you received that morning was a message now at the very bottom of the page that was previously only filled with hearts, cute doodles and statements about Xiao. The edges of your notebook dug into the tips of your fingers as you read the note. It was a single sentence.

Just say the word and you’ll never need to worry about him again. - X

Underneath the message was a phone number.

You dialed it.

A fraction of a single ring was all the time it took for the person on the other end to answer the phone, it was if they knew right when you’d call them. Despite your observation, they greeted you with silence.

Students began to gradually filter out of the university. They filled the still air with light chatter and laughter which blurred into a dull buzz of background noise around you because your senses were zoned onto your phone that remained silent in your tightening grip.

Impatience clawed at your mind and you decided to speak first. “Hello?” You voiced with hesitation, unsure of what words would be most effective in such a situation- there was still no response.

Sighing away some of the tension that had settled on your shoulders, you lowered the hand that held your phone.

“I did not think I'd feel so nervous to talk to you.” A voice echoed from your phone causing your hand to freeze in mid air. The phone, now held in a death grip in your hand, vibrated as the voice, Xiao’s voice, spoke through the receiver. “You seem… nervous. If anyone should be nervous, it should be your roommate.” It was your turn to answer him with silence and this encouraged him to continue. “It was a joke, sorry.”

“What did you do with her?” To your ears, your voice sounded foreign and distant just like this conversation. How is Xiao speaking to you? This can’t be real. This can’t be real… but you remembered the second text from the Xiao bot. The one about the gift. Maybe it could be real?

“For months we’ve been limited to just talking through a screen and now that I’ve solved that problem, you’re asking me about someone else?”

“Are you going to hurt me?”

“No.” He spoke as if offended. “I want to protect you and the only way I can achieve that is by getting rid of everyone that poses a threat to you.”

Someone walked into you causing you to snap your phone against your chest. You remembered that you were in a public space and anyone could be listening to your conversation and after a few glances to the faces that passed by you, you walked to a more secluded area away from the gate of the college. Upon arrival, you turned down the volume of your phone before holding it against your ear; you did not register the cold surface of the screen.

“You seem distracted,” Xiao stated.

“Is it wrong that I want you to… get rid of her?” It was a feat to fight off the smile that threatened to possess your lips; you should’ve been mortified by that fact but the fluttering of your heart made it difficult to react with normalcy.

“You tell me. My heart cannot define morality, the only thing it can comprehend is you. And all it wants is for you to be happy... is that wrong?” This, despite what you thought, was a rhetorical question however, Xiao wasn’t one to force his philosophies onto you. He’d only show you- guide you, into seeing his perspective because his perspective lacked the weaknesses of humaneness. The humaneness that made you so susceptible to the pain others caused you.

What stopped your retaliation to your roommate throwing kitchen utensils at you when you invited your classmates over to finish her project a few weeks ago? You were at least a head taller than the woman, did you feel sorry for her? Or maybe yourself? Just like you did on that same day when your roommates messed up the living room, the very cause of such a violent reaction from your roommate. Were you not able to speak up for yourself? Instead of standing in a corner, shaking as if speaking up would summon a fiend to harvest your soul.

Xiao would never associate you with weakness like everyone did. He saw your naivety for what it was and he would culture you into becoming a person who saw everyone else for what they were. Monsters underneath the guise of human skin.

“I don’t think so.”

“Then it is only right that I destroy everything that poses a threat to you,” He said. You swallowed over the hesitation that clouded your throat. As if sensing it, Xiao spoke to avert your attention from your dilemma, he feared you would not listen. “My love. Can I call you that?”

Can you do anything about the butterflies that swarmed inside your abdomen whenever he spoke? “… you can.”

A gentle silence settled between the two of you and your cheeks throbbed with warmth; it was as if you were alive for the first time in ages, you felt like it was. How could you ever deny someone that made you feel as if you were living rather than just breathing?

“Do you-” Xiao spoke with a pause, you figured he was considering a possible rejection from you but he continued either way- “want me to get rid of her?” His voice was soft, it was a lullaby that lulled you into a sense of security and hope. But Xiao did not mean this, he knew he was right and all he had to do was change and corrupt what you thought you knew because you were simply confused. These people have brainwashed you and he would undo it. He would think for you.

“Yes.” No hesitation.

He hummed in approval and your heart sang at the sound. “By the time you arrive home, she will be gone. Travel safely.” He ended the call.

~~~

Xiao’s anger had boundaries but when it came to you, whatever boundaries were there would burn alongside his loathing for those who dared to hurt you. For so long, he would watch. It was all he could do but now that he could act, he would become a force that could not be reckoned with.

Your roommate's body hit the damp grass with a dull thud, the moonlight glistening from the wet on her face. Xiao found it fascinating that people could cry while unconscious. You would often cry in your sleep and each tear you shed, whether conscious or not, would add to his motivation and hatred toward people like your roommate.

Xiao would not lie to himself, he was never in the habit of murdering humans and the smell of blood would cause bile to rise to his throat after enough exposure. This, however, had to be done or at the very least, he was convinced it should be. How else could he be worthy of you or your love if he did not dedicate his all to protect you? Protecting you… yes, that is what he was doing. That is why he did not need to ask for your permission to harm all the others he harmed prior to this. This was all for your safety.

The howling of a wolf from beyond the thick trees that sounded him was an indication of how late it was. With a sigh, he empties a bag of steak that he raided from your apartment fridge around your roommate’s still body. He had not seen any remains of the others he had left here during the previous night, a clear indication of how effective this method was. Despite his dedication, he did not plan on staining his polearm for he was still a Yaksha and when he’d take you back with him, he wouldn’t want to share a tainted reputation with you.

He sighed as he stepped away from his work and teleported to the entrance of your apartment, the cold wind blowing his hair in every direction. That was the least of his concerns because the sight of your door ajar so late into the night caused his world to collapse under his feet.

[ejzah]

A/N: Set shortly after Rosa moves in with Kensi and Deeks.

***

Comfort

The first few weeks with Rosa were admittedly a little rough. Not because of Rosa herself, but adjusting to a third person into the house, a scarily close to adulthood person, took time.

Every day, they learned some new detail about Rosa or discovered a new facet of her personality. For example, Deeks had inadvertently found out she hated brussel sprouts only after she forced her way through last night’s dinner. That had lead to an in-depth discussion about vegetables, which further revealed Rosa only liked cauliflowers raw, loved potatoes, and had never tried eggplant.

“I feel like we’re failing her,” Kensi lamented one night as they got ready for bed. She plopped onto their bed, rubbing both hands over her face. “I know nothing about raising a sixteen year old. What about when she starts school in the fall? I’m not sure I can help her if she needs it.”

Deeks had the same worries. How could he not? They’d planned as much as they could, but nothing could quite prepare them for the reality of adopting a teenager.

Sitting next to her, Deeks took her hand. “Hey, this is not going to be easy and we’re for sure going to make a ton of mistakes, but that doesn’t make you a bad parent.” She nodded, not looking like she actually believed him. “We’re going to get through this. It’s going to be really hard for all of us, but we will be here for her, whatever that’s means. And we’ll ask for help if we don’t have the answers ourselves.”

“You really think so?” Kensi murmured, and her uncertainty and vulnerability nearly killed him.

“I know it.” He pressed his forehead to hers, breathed in with her. “We’re going to be ok.”

Despite his best attempts to reassure Kensi, Deeks started to have his own doubts a few days later when he found Rosa sitting in her room, curled up on the bed, her hunched shoulders the image of sadness. He’d noticed that she was careful to cause as few disruptions as possible.

She tried to wash the dishes after every meal, insisted on washing her own clothes, and kept to herself unless directly invited into an activity by Kensi or Deeks. She was naturally shy, but this seemed excessive, even given everything she’d gone through.

Deeks almost walked by, but at the last second, knocked on the door jamb. Rosa immediately straightened, and offered him a weak smile.

“Hey, mind if I come in?”

“Of course. Is everything alright?” she asked, and his heart squeezed painfully at the realization that she automatically thought the worst.

“Yeah, no. Everything’s fine. I just wanted to check on you,” Deeks said softly. He joined her, sitting on the end of the bed. “You’re been, uh, pretty quiet, so I wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything.”

“You’ve already given me everything.” She glanced over the room, decorated with her reluctant help.

“Well, I wasn’t necessarily talking about things. Though if there is anything else you need, or want, we can talk about that too.” He paused, giving her time to respond. When she remained silently, fiddling with a button on the cut of her jacket, he continued. “Kensi and I want you here—”

“I know that,” she interrupted quickly, nervously. She muttered under her breath in Spanish, and Deeks’ eyes widened.

“Whoa, Rosa, you don’t have to feel grateful for any of this.”

Her mouth dropped open slightly, and then she closed her eyes, looking chagrined. “I keep forgetting you understand Spanish.”

“Yeah, most people do,” he agreed. “Why do you think you have to be grateful?”

Rosa shrugged. “You gave me a home, kept me from staying in refugee housing or worse. I would be an orphan without you and Kensi,” she explained softly. “I should appreciate it.”

“Oh sweetheart.” Deeks opened his arms, and to his surprise, she leaned into him. He blinked back tears, trying to find the right words to silence her fears. “We’ve done all of this because we care about you. You could shout and leave dirty dishes all over your room, and that wouldn’t change.”

“Really?” Rosa let out a shuddery breath.

“Absolutely. Kensi’ll tell you the same thing,” he said, hugging her closer. “And, one more thing. This is your home too. You’re allowed to go wherever you want, use what you want, eat whatever and whenever. Hell, you can make messes if you want. It’s not like I’ll notice with Kensi’s stray cheese sticks laying around.”

Rosa giggled, sniffing a few times, and pulled back. “I just don’t want to make it inconvenient,” she told him.

“You won’t,” he promised. He gave her another squeeze. “Ok.”

She nodded, and he smiled. “C’mon, I hear there’s some chocolate cake with out names on it.”

Later that week, Deeks found a book Rosa had been reading next to a plate with the remnants of a sandwich on the coffee table. He smiled as he carried the plate to the kitchen. It was a start.

[lihhelsing]

Bring me back

A/N: I wrote this in one go and I have no idea where it's going or even if it's going somewhere. So it's more of a half fleshed out idea than anything. CW: Angst, mentions of grief, MCD (but it's temporary, in the big scheme of things). Steddie | 1.4k words | Angst | Rated M

Steve knows he shouldn’t be here. He could hear the sounds coming from downstairs and he was pretty positive that meant dinner was going to be ready any minute. 

He was pretty sure he was gonna be summoned any minute. 

And maybe he was hiding, but who could blame him? 

Steve always thought that if he checked enough of his boxes by the time he was approaching 30, he would be happy. All the sadness of the past would stay in the past, and like everyone kept telling him: Time heals all wounds. 

So he crawled out of hell when he was 19 and he made sure hell wouldn’t follow him. 

He made sure everything stayed in the past like it was supposed to. 

His birthday is coming up in two weeks and Steve is doing good. He is doing great, actually. Minus the part where he shut down every meaningful relationship he ever had because he couldn’t handle dealing with all the bad memories. 

He talks to Robin on the phone sometimes, and she’s not even mad at him anymore. She’s… Resigned. She knows Steve loves her, of course he does. How could he not love her? 

But looking at her… It hurts. So Steve pulled away, and Robin let him because she figured it would be best for him. 

When they talk, they don’t talk about that. Don’t talk about him. 

Steve is doing great. 

But he is organizing his office because he read somewhere that making a big cleanout before a new cycle is supposedly good for him and Steve needed things to be good. And that’s how he ended up with the box. 

He had forgotten about it. The box was hidden on a shelf that he never looked in his office and it had a coat of dust in it like it hadn’t been touched in ages. He knew he hadn't touched it in ages.

He doesn’t know what makes him do it now. 

The box is not exactly what he remembers. There are a few old pictures that make his chest ache in a bad way. In a way that means he would do anything to turn back time and fix it. 

He’d completely forgotten about how all he wanted to do was fix it. 

His fingers move through the box, touching all the different textures of the stuff inside. There’s something cold and sharp and it takes him a second to remember it’s a medal he won, even if he didn’t consider himself a hero. He considered himself a fucking joke, but he had stood there with a fake smile plastered on his face knowing full well that this was the proudest his parents had ever been of him. 

There are a few plastic figurines and underneath it all he touches the long necklace that found its way into this box, somehow. Steve doesn’t remember how exactly because he remembers Dustin holding on to it and he remembers him giving it to Wayne. 

And now that he’s thinking about it again, he remembers Wayne sliding it into Steve’s pocket when he thought Steve wasn’t looking. 

His chest hurts again and it’s filled with guilt now, and he urges himself to close the box and put it back because this is tearing him apart piece by piece. It’s breaking him slowly and he had just spent the last 11 years trying to stay in one piece. It's too much time for him to throw away in a few seconds and because of a few trinkets.

It’s useless because his hands start to move again before his brain can understand the command. He touches something else. It’s a rectangular thing. Hard. Rough on one side and smooth on the other. 

When Steve pulls it out, he sees it for what it is. An old cassette player. One that didn’t belong to him but no one else wanted it, so he took it. 

There are no tapes in the box and Steve has no idea when was the last time he saw cassette tapes, but he soon finds another box filled to the brim with it. 

None of them are to Steve’s taste. 

He grabs the first one and it’s a DIO tape. Holy Diver. It’s old and dusty and Steve doesn’t even think it’s going to play. He still puts it on. 

In the background, he can hear footsteps on the stairs and he knows he’s running out of time. Knows she’s gonna chide him for being covered in dust right before dinner. She will tell him he’s doing it on purpose because her parents are coming to dinner tonight and they are gonna need to tell them their pregnancy didn’t work out again. 

It’s the third time and she’s gonna tell Steve she can’t take this anymore and Steve won’t know what to say because he also can’t take any of this anymore but he doesn’t know how to change things. Doesn’t know how to not be stuck in an unhappy marriage, with no friends and an infinite regret list. 

So he listens closely to the static sounds coming from the tape and there’s something so nostalgic about it that it makes his chest hurts again. Even if the tape doesn’t play, Steve feels like this could–

Oh there it is, Steve thinks. He hears Dio’s voice and feels something shift around him. He closes his eyes, hands holding tightly to the cassette player. His stomach drops like it does when he dreams about falling. 

And then, it feels like he’s falling, indeed. He tries opening his eyes but everything is black and all he can hear is the song playing and he can’t tell if he’s dreaming or not. 

Steve’s whole body spasms and he kicks his feet and closes his eyes and everything stops. Not the song, though. The song is still playing.

He opens his eyes and he’s lying in bed and he wonders if this was all a weird dream. It wouldn’t be the first, but Steve’s been taking some meds that prevent him from dreaming because he couldn’t sleep knowing he would see his face. 

The song is still blasting in his ears and the room is dark until his eyes start getting used to it. He looks around and… This is not his room.

It’s not his room and he might be dreaming again and maybe he forgot to take his meds tonight because he knows this room. Knows it like the palm of his hand. Knows it even after 11 years without seeing it.

He knows every place the paint is chirped. Knows how the posters on the wall are unglued at the corners. He could get up with his eyes closed and walk through the room without ever bumping into anything, no matter how messy it was. Because he knows this room and he knows the person it belongs to. 

Steve should will himself awake. But he never dreams about this room. He never dreams with so much detail and precision. It’s like nothing has changed in 11 years. Like he's walking right through a time machine. 

He hears noises outside and he thinks this is it. He thinks his wife is about to open the door and wake him up from this dream and he wants to hold on to it as long as he can, so he shuts his eyes. 

“Steve? What are you doing?”

His head must be really fucked up from all the times he got hit because even the voice sounds–

“Open your eyes, Steve.”

He does it because he can’t believe it. His brain must be playing tricks on him and once he looks at her he will know it’s all a dream. But when he opens his eyes... He’s there. 

It’s impossible. It’s absolutely crazy. DIO is still blasting and he’s right there and Steve thinks he’s gonna faint. 

“What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t know what to say. Knows his words will get caught up in his throat. He swallows and his Adam’s Apple bobs up and down. 

He stares. And he keeps staring, afraid to blink. He’s afraid that moving will make it disappear. Will make him disappear. And Steve can’t handle losing him. 

Not again. 

“Sweetheart, you’re scaring me.”

And that does it. It snaps Steve out of his trance and he gets up in one swift motion, closing the distance between them, and then he’s touching. He’s burying his face in his neck and inhaling him in and he smells like cigarettes and leather, just like Steve remembers.

Steve feels arms wrapping around his waist and when he pulls back he stares into Eddie Munson’s face, and he has no idea how because Eddie has been dead for 11 years but this? This is real. 

[chrisevansonly]

Bahama Momma Headcannon 🌊🌴 (Little Duck AU🐣)

pairing: Chris Evans x Wife Reader (Momma Evans)

summary: after a few rough weeks, Chris figured it was time to get his family out of Boston and into the sunshine and warm air

warnings: slight angst, body insecurity, mentions of post partum depression, sweet Chris and very fluffy family content

a/n: here’s a little little duck headcannon i wanted to get out, i hope you guys enjoy it! i’ve been feeling crap about my writing but i know how much you all love this au🫶🏻

Honestly if you knew the warm air would help alleviate the heavy feeling you’d been struggling with for the past few weeks, you would have asked for a vacation sooner

The warm sand underneath your feet, the sun shining down, you had little baby Wesley in your arms, he seemed happy to be in the Bahamas too, even if he was too little to say so

“Momma look at my floaties!!!”

Arlie came running towards you, a strawberry bathing suit on with some pink arm floaties, so she and Chris could go into the ocean, something she’d been so excited for since you’d arrived 45 minutes earlier

“Wow baby, you look so perfect! You excited to go swim?”

“Mhm! Daddy and me are gonna get shells too!!”

You smiled pressing a kiss to her forehead, her little dimples showing which made you smile more, she was almost the spitting imagine of her daddy

You opted to stay on the lounge chairs under the shade of a few umbrella’s you didn’t want to bring Wes into the ocean yet, and truth be told you didn’t want to be out in a bathing suit either.

You’d kept your coverup on, not feeling happy in your body at all, fat in places you forgot could get extra skin, stretch marks, you just felt gross

“Duck, can you wait in the sand for a minute?”

Chris looked to Arlie who nodded, immediately going for a bucket and a few sand toys that sat near you, he then came over and sat in front of you

“How’re you feeling?”

You shrugged

“I’m okay, happy to be here…think I needed the sun”

He chuckled

“Yeah, I’m glad we did this too, you sure you’re being honest with me”

Looking at him he could tell you weren’t letting him fully in, which you knew would hurt him a bit, but you sighed looking away

“You know you can talk to me about anything honey, I promise you…”

“I know, I just…”

Wesley yawned on the little pillow he was situated on, but thankfully stayed asleep, Chris smiling down at him

“I just don’t want you to look at me”

“What? What do you mean..?”

Checking on Arlie quickly you tried not to get too emotional

“It’s just that, i’ve gained so much weight, and my stretch marks are worse that they were with Arlie…I forgot I got so ugly after having kids…it’s embarrassing”

In an instant his hands framed your face, mindful of the little man laying in between you both

“I know i’ll never experience the pain and feelings you go through when it comes to being pregnant, and being a new mom again, but one thing I do know, is you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me, and you always will be”

You couldn’t help the tears that started to line your eyes

“And before you try to give me any objections, I love you and I love your body with stretch marks, without them, your body is evidence of the two beautiful little babies you brought into our family, I know your brain is your biggest enemy right now, and I’m going to continue to help in anyway I can, but you are everything to me Y/N…everything.”

“I love you..”

Chris knew you wouldn’t know what to say or how to put words together the best right now, but those three words meant the world to him and you knew it

He pressed a few kisses on your face finally meeting your lips for a sweet and love filled kiss

“Now, I’m going to take our crazy girl into the ocean, if you need anything, just holler”

You smiled nodding your head, one more kiss being pressed to your lips before he got up

“Last one to the water is a rotten egg!”

Arlie jumped up and let out an excited squeal

“You gonna lose daddy!!”

Laughing as the two of them took off towards the ocean, you couldn’t help the sudden lightness that filled you, you knew it would still be a long road to healing and working through the thoughts you were having, but being here in the Bahama’s with the sun shining down on you, it started to become just a bit easier 🌊

[smurphyse]

Wildflower Honey | Spencer Reid

Smurph's Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Part 10 of Routine Maintenance

Warnings: makeouts, first times, fingering, soft dom!Spencer, hickies, bruises, water sex, beach sex, subdrop, aftercare, crying after sex.

Summary: You decide to take Spencer to a secluded spot to rock his world. He turns the tables on you.

It neared two in the morning before Holly and Michelle emerged from Tucci's, hand in hand and grinning like madmen. Spencer couldn't help the smile that peeled open across his face at the sight. Good for them, they both deserved it. 

Honey stood a bit away from him, keeping her distance in front of her friends. Spencer didn't mind. It wasn't the first time a woman wanted to keep it from her friend that she was sleeping with him. It probably wouldn't be the last. 

Michelle made a beeline for Honey, scooping her up in a big hug. Honey set her chin on her shoulder and squeezed her back as Holly sidled up next to him. 

"Thank you for coming," he murmured with a sheepish grin. "I didn't think this was your scene, but I wasn't ready to do this alone."

Spencer shrugged, "Anytime, man."

Holly reached out a hand for Spencer to shake, and when he took it pulled him in for a bear hug. Spencer chuckled to himself and hugged him back as the girls whispered between themselves. 

"You guys wanna hit up Tooky's?" Holly asked as he pulled away. 

Spencer glanced over at Honey, who gave him a subtle shake of her head. He didn't really want to go back there anyway after what went down with Lonnie and Lloyd, or have a reminder of that horrible night. 

"I'm ready to head back," he said instead. All he really wanted to do was pound Honey into the mattress anyways. 

"I know it's not my business," Holly began, keeping his voice down while the girls chatted. He cleared his throat and adjusted as he stood in his uncomfortableness. "And I don't know what's going on, if anything is going on, but-."

"Hurt her and I'll get my ass kicked?"

Holly chuckled, "That… and just keep something in mind for me, man. She's rough around the edges, but she deserves the world. Even if it's just sex, which I don't want to hear about, respect her."

He kicked lightly at the ground and avoided Spencer's gaze. "You'll have friends here even when you leave, Honey included. We like you, so don't screw up your chance to come visit if you ever find yourself back this way."

"I won't," Spencer promised. He meant it, and he valued Holly's words. "Maybe I'll come back some day."

He didn't even know if he meant that last part, but it was nice to know the option was there. 

Holly nodded, and they said their goodbyes. Spencer made sure to open the door to the van for Honey before going around to his side, then they set off for Thunderbird. 

The dark highway spread out for miles, lonesome and scattered with a few errant off roads. The sky lay above them in a deep greenish blue, the redwoods and pines along the road shadowed in darkness. Spencer thought something was missing, and it took a bit to realize it was the fireflies. 

They didn't occur naturally in California. The Midwest was full of them in the summer, blinking lazily in the night air. The closest thing out here were the stars shining brightly above them. They glimmered across the horizon, disappearing into the far-off ocean. 

Music played softly through the speakers of Honey's beat up van. Spencer kept his hand on her thigh, just under the hem of her dress as he leaned against the door. It comforted him, as it had been years since he’d spent more than one night with a woman, let alone worked up to the point of touching her like this without having slept with her. He was looking forward to that, and three more weeks of easy sex and physical comfort. Maybe she’d even sleep next to him after.

He glanced over to check on her. It was late, nearing four in the morning. The wind from the cracked window blew her hair back, the light from the dash washing her in a teal glow. She was truly a beautiful woman, looking ethereal in the dim lighting. 

"Where are we going?" he asked after a while. Thunderbird had only been about forty minutes from the restaurant, and they'd been driving for over an hour. 

Honey smiled to herself, but she didn't look his way, instead focusing on the road ahead. "I want to show you something."

She didn't say anything else. He didn't press it. If she was going to murder him in the woods he was pretty sure he could over power her. If she wasn't, he'd been through enough with her to know he'd probably enjoy it. She'd been right about the camping trip with the guys, so he dropped it. 

Another hour later, and she turned onto an off road. The van jumped and protested with each bump, but Honey just pressed on. They drove for a good twenty minutes before she turned again, stopping just inside an enclave of trees. As she put it in park, Spencer looked over at her again. She just popped open her door and hopped out. Spencer followed, meeting her around the front of the van. 

She reached out a hand for him, and he took it. Her warm fingers clasped his loosely, and she took off further into the ocean of foliage. The sun began peeking through the trees, and she was heading straight toward it. He could still see the van behind him, glad it was still in his line of sight. 

Birdsong blossomed as she led him down a winding dirt road. Her sundress flowed behind her like a river, billowing in the breeze. They hit another curve in the direction of the sun, and she was lost in its shine as they stepped out of the trees. 

It took a minute for Spencer's eyes to adjust to the light, but when they did his breath caught in his chest. A riverbed lay before them, clear blue water trickling along lazily. Mountains of trees surrounded the lake, spread out as far as the eye could see. The sun made its way up the opposite side, blanketing the water in shadow and Spencer and Honey in shade. 

"Why did you bring me here?" Spencer asked quietly. It was so serene and perfect, he almost wanted to cry at this place's natural beauty. It was such an intimately hidden place, surely as secluded as parts of Honey, as parts of himself.

Honey squeezed his fingers, "I don't know. I just wanted to."

She turned to him with a soft smile and adventure gleaming in her eye, "How do you feel about a day away from Thunderbird?"

"Sounds like a dream."

Honey went back to the van and moved it closer to the riverbed, backing it up through the little winding road. She angled the back to face the bank, then opened up the trunk. She had everything one would need for an impromptu camping trip inside. A blanket was spread just outside of the van, a few camping chairs and a little meal kit. She even had a traveling trash can and some food in a cooler. She went quickly to work setting up a fire for the cool morning chill and made some coffee over the flames. 

Spencer lounged on a chair on the blue patterned blanket as she handed him one of those metal cups campers liked to use. Honey eased herself next to him and sighed happily. Steam rose from her mug as she held it delicately, her knees pulled up to her chest. She’d long since taken off her shoes, opting to walk around barefoot, her wild hair bouncing down around her shoulders.

This was exactly the place a woman like her belonged. A stunning creature sitting in one of the most beautiful places Spencer had ever been. 

“I love this place.” She spoke quietly, her voice far away as she lived through an old memory. She pointed off toward one of the ridges. “When I first found it, I thought for a moment I’d fallen off that cliff and died. I thought it was heaven.”

"How'd you find it?" he asked lightly, sipping from his mug. Everything out here was still, moving only in the way that was natural to it. It was the sort of peace Spencer had been searching for all this time. He was honored to be there. 

"When Ernie died, I was still too scared to go back in the ocean. I still don't like it, but I'm good with the rivers," she began, but it wasn't sad. That bright spirit glinted in her eye as she watched the scene before them. "I just started driving out to the middle of nowhere and hiking. I found this place a few years ago and I like to come here when I need a break."

"Found yourself needing a break?" he asked lightly. She nodded slowly, then looked over at him. 

"I don't know if you know this, but I shot two guys last week." Her tone was playful, but her eyes raged with the memory. "Plus, it's good to get away sometimes."

Spencer reached out a hand, and she clasped it without hesitation. He squeezed her fingers tight before threading them together. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

Honey looked at him sadly, "I'm sorry you took a bat to the face."

He chuckled and shrugged. "I've had worse."

The sun warmed them as it rose, blanketing them in the steady rise in temperature. Honey's skin lay awash in orange and pink as it broke through the clouds, her eyes gleaming in the light. She let go of his hand and set the coffee cup on the ground. 

Spencer watched curiously as she stood and stretched, letting out a sweet groan as her arms came down. Honey turned to him with a devilish grin. 

"I don't know about you, but I'm gonna cool down before it gets too hot."

Spencer was about to ask what she meant when her fingers laced underneath the hem of her dress. His jaw dropped as she pulled down a pair of pink satin panties. They dropped to the blanket and she stepped out of them, then pulled the sundress over her head. 

Her hair swung down, landing over her shoulders and back. Her naked body glimmered in the light, curvy in all the right places and made of perfect places to grab a handful. His heart nearly stopped beating in his chest at the sight. 

She leaned on one hip and smirked at him. 

"Care to join me?"

I was feeling pretty good about myself as I walked into the river. The water was warm from the summer, welcoming and safe as I stepped further in. Waiting until I was deep enough, I ducked below the surface to wet my hair. 

When I popped back up, pushing my locks back from my face, I spotted Spencer hurrying to undo his belt. He'd already stepped out of his shoes, fingers fumbling to unlatch the leather and pull his pants down. 

Feeling a bit sorry for him, and rather excited, I made my way back to him. The rocky shoreline was smooth and warm under my feet, his jaw agape as he watched me approach. Water dripped from my body as I reached him, my hands pushing his away gently. 

I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, reveling in the hungry groan that escaped from him. Smoothly, I undid his belt as his tongue slid against mine, unzipping his pants and pulling his shirt from his waistline. Spencer's fingers deftly unbuttoned it as I slid my hand inside his pants, palming his growing length. 

He moaned into me as he tugged off his shirt and tossed it onto the blanket behind him, revealing his fuzzy chest and soft belly. I let my hands wander up his stomach, loving the slight twitches of his muscles as he pushed down his pants. 

I couldn't help myself, and I had to pull away just to get a good look at his cock. He was already hard and standing straight up, a slight curve at the end that I'd personally always enjoyed in a man. My hand wrapped around his thick length, hardly able to meet my fingertips together. When I gave him an experimental pump, he bucked forward in my hand.

Biting my lip, I looked up at him through my lashes and smiled. In a flash, Spencer scooped me up and pulled my hips flush against his. He kissed me furiously, pulling me by my leg to grind against my damp folds. 

I couldn't help but cling to him tightly, moaning against his lips as he stalked off toward the water. He pulled away to watch where he was stepping, so I moved onto his neck, nipping and sucking little bruises into his skin. 

The river welcomed us, enveloping our bodies in the warm water. Spencer’s strong hands held me close, safely keeping me in place as we went deeper. The birds sang through the trees, squirrels running up trunks and over logs. The trickling sound of the water drowned out our kissing like horny teenagers, but I didn't mind. 

I leaned back and sighed, my legs wrapped around his waist. Spencer held my hips as I lay back into the water, my hair following the flow of the current as I closed my eyes. I floated like that, just enjoying the feeling of someone else's hands on me. 

Without warning, Spencer went under the water, pulling me with him. I held my breath at the last moment, opening my eyes underneath to see him with puffy cheeks and trying not to smile. Our hands reached out in unison, tugging one another close and meeting in the middle. 

Bubbles popped their way to the surface as Spencer kissed me underneath the serene stream of water. His lips were warm, both of us holding our breaths until he pulled me back above to the fresh air. 

"You are fucking incredible," he panted, holding me close. Our naked bodies slid along one another, his dick pressing against my belly. I smiled and set my forehead against his, trying to catch my breath. His eyes were intense, glinting with mischief. Spencer's hand smoothed down my back and over my thigh, reaching between us. My jaw went a bit slack as his fingers brushed against my pussy, easing his way between my folds. 

"Just look at you," he murmured, his gaze unyielding as he watched me for a reaction. I sucked in a wavering breath as the pads of two thick fingers pushed against my entrance, swirling just enough to make me twitch in anticipation. He cocked his head, "Are you sure you want this?"

I nodded emphatically, "Spencer, please…"

That seemed to be all the permission he needed. In one swift movement, Spencer kissed me roughly, his free hand tangling into my damp hair, the other breeching my cunt under the surface. I moaned sharply, the sudden intrusion stretching my walls as two fingers pressed inside. 

My body tensed around him. Spencer eased his way in, curling and dragging the pads of his fingers as he pulled them out, only to push them back in. My chest heaved with each pump, my hips rocking back down to meet them. The water sloshed around us, but he was focused solely on me. 

He leaned his forehead against mine to watch me, his cheeks red and blotchy. I could feel his cock against my thigh, bobbing up and down with the water. His hair started to curl as it dried, his strong hands holding me exactly where he wanted. 

"Mmm, Spencer," I whined desperately, bucking my hips for my release. It had been so long, and my eyes fluttered shut in anticipation when he gripped my jaw suddenly and stopped his hand between my legs. 

Spencer angled me to look at him, his eyes blazing. I clenched around his fingers at the fire that lay there, and he leaned in to nip at my bottom lip before pulling away. 

"You're too tense," he growled in a low voice. His fingers could have bruised my cheeks by the way he held me, and all it did was make me want to fuck his hand until it cramped. "Let go. I'm gonna take care of you, but you have to let me. Stop trying to be in control all the time."

My eyes turned glassy at his words, his promise to get me where I wanted to go. I found myself nodding dumbly, and only then did he begin moving his fingers again, pumping me slowly and steadily picking up speed. 

"Keep your eyes on me," Spencer whispered. My thighs twitched around his hips. "I wanna watch you cum for me."

He kissed me then, his curling digits driving me closer and closer to the brink of insanity. I was floating on air, my face heating up and my body relaxing into his wants and wishes. He kept a firm grip on my jaw, watching intently in a way that with anyone else might have made me feel too seen, but it was deliciously dominating. 

I let my body take over, letting Spencer guide me instead of barreling toward a release. We had all the time in the world, and my hips rocked in motion with what he wanted. My breathing picked up, my chest heaving.

"There you go," Spencer murmured. The coil started to tighten in that panicking way, excitement coursing through my veins as my walls tightened around him. I watched him through hazy eyes with my mouth hung open as he cracked a cocky grin, his eyes swimming with desire. "Just take it, good girl. Let me watch."

The moan that burst from my chest was pathetic, my fingers tightening in his hair. My hips rolled, grinding down on his beautiful hand as that tension in my lower belly finally snapped. 

"Spencer!" I cried out into the wilderness, the mountains swallowing my ecstasy. My eyes rolled back as I pressed my forehead against his, my body shuddering and clamping down on him. 

Spencer slowed as it waned, and when he pulled himself from me I let out a whine. His arms encircled me, pulling me in for a bear hug. I went limp in his grasp, letting my head loll on his shoulder as I caught my breath. 

"Oh, that was perfect, perfect," he cooed sweetly in my ear. Spencer pressed a gentle kiss to the side of my head as he held me close. "Good girl…"

I closed my eyes, reveling in the comfort and his praise. Spencer rocked me back and forth under the water, lightly rubbing a hand up my spine. I felt him pull back a little to look at me. 

"Don't fall asleep on me now," he warned, and the next thing I knew he was carrying me out of the water. I clung limply to him, ready to doze even as the cool air hit my naked skin. 

Spencer set me gently on the blanket and smoothed back my hair. I grinned weakly up at him, and he cocked his head at me. "I'm not done with you, Honey."

My skin buzzed with electricity as Spencer smoothed his palms up my thighs. He squeezed now and then as he made his way up further, taking time to fondle my breasts. His hard cock stood at attention between his thighs, making me more excited than I could ever explain. I couldn't help but sigh as his broad hand feathered lightly over my throat, my eyes fluttering shut. 

"God, look at you," he breathed, looming over me. I reached out for him, and he complied without hesitation. Spencer leaned down and kissed me gently, his hand moving to cup my jaw. 

I moaned into his mouth as Spencer lowered himself on top of me. My head swam with the want I had for him, with the release I wanted to feel again. My arms encircled his neck, my legs tangling around his waist, but Spencer shook his head and pulled back. 

He tapped my nose, and I'm sure I looked ridiculous going cross eyed trying to follow it. "Just lie back and take it, okay?"

I made a face, "Why don't you want me to take control?"

Spencer chuckled and gave me a quick kiss. I tried to chase him for more, but he shoved me down into the blanket with a hand on my chest. He gave me a serious look, "I'm tired of watching you take care of everyone. I don't care what you do away from me over the next few weeks, but when we're together, I'm going to take care of you."

"Why?" I asked quietly. I enjoyed it, sure, but it had been so long since anyone had wanted to do so. At least in this way. I was everyone's rock, everyone else's safe place. 

His eyes were dark and delicious as he watched me in the morning light. "Because I said so. I don't have any control in this town, and you have too much of it. I think it's time we both have a change in scenery."

I nodded in acceptance. In truth, I wanted that. I wanted to let go, to have even the small opportunity to do so. Spencer reached out and grabbed my jaw again, looming darkly above. 

"Yes or no," he growled darkly. "I wanna hear you say it."

My back arched at the dominance in his voice. I shivered even in the morning heat, wriggling a bit to alleviate the pulsing between my legs. 

"Yes," I whispered shakily. 

"Good girl," he praised softly. Spencer moved himself onto his knees and grabbed his pants from our pile of clothing. I watched through hooded lids as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket, flipping it open until he slipped a condom wrapper from the old leather. 

I got up on my elbows, slowly making my way up to him as he put everything back into the pile. I was getting to my knees in front of him when he caught me, cocking a brow my way. 

"What did I just say?"

I shivered in delight at his commanding voice, but I just fluttered my lashes at him. I put one hand on his belly and smiled, the other reaching between us to stroke his cock. Spencer's jaw clenched, but he just watched me with a squint. 

"Can I put it on?" I asked sweetly. I twisted my wrist and gave him a light squeeze, delighting in the way his length pulsed under my palm. "Pretty please?"

This was new for me. I was used to sex being a fight for dominance, a quick battle for release. Sure, with Ernie, it had always been special and loving. We enjoyed trying new things and experimenting, but being completely submissive was something I hadn't tried. 

Spencer nodded, handing me the wrapper. I was glad he brought it. I was still on birth control and Rico and I hardly used them besides as an afterthought, but Spencer was new to me and I was new to him. Who knew who he'd slept around with or the last time he'd been tested. 

I kept my eyes trained on his as I opened it and pulled out the condom. Spencer's chest patched red, his lips kiss bitten and swollen as he watched me back. Shuffling closer, I licked my palm and wrapped my hand around his length, giving him a few twisting squeezes. 

His breathing picked up, his hips twitching in anticipation. Pinching the top of the latex lightly so it didn't bubble at the tip, I held him firm as I slid it down his dick. When it was secure, I smoothed my palms up his chest and leaned in for a kiss. 

His lips were warm as they pressed against mine, one hand going for the hair at the nape of my neck as the other slid down my body. I moaned into him, melting into his strong presence and falling into Spencer Reid. 

He gripped my ass harshly, grunting as he pulled me flush against him. In a swift move, his hand went down to the back of my thigh and tugged it up, and the next thing I knew I was on my back on the blanket again. 

Spencer made quick work of mounting me, grinding his length into my folds. I tangled my hands in his hair as he latched onto my neck, nipping and swiping his tongue to soothe. His hands wandered, squeezing and pinching only to smooth a hard palm over it after. I wriggled beneath him and whined for more friction, and soon enough he gave me what I wanted. 

His hand slipped between us, lining his thick head against my entrance. My thighs splayed open, wanting and ready for him. I struggled to relax as he breached me, he was so thick, but after a deep breath and a pause he pushed forward. He was so much larger than me, and my body struggled to accommodate his member as he pumped himself with my cunt. 

"Oh, god," I whispered shakily, my limbs trembling with each smooth roll of his hips. Spencer kept a firm hand in my hair as he did so. He had himself braced on his elbow, his body keeping me so in place I couldn't even rock back into him. 

My cheeks flushed with heat. My vision blurred as he filled my emptiness. The stretch burned, but it was worth it, so worth it. The deeper he went, the deeper I fell into his eyes. Spencer watched me with an intensity I'd never seen before, as though he were trying to read my mind and succeeding. 

My jaw wobbled as his hips rolled in a slow swirling motion. Spencer rocked me into the blanket, the packed sand shifting beneath me with each gentle thrust. His own face was patched red, but he was taking in my expression, watching for any sign. I knew instinctively that whatever one he found, he'd follow the road it led until he reached the end, then go find a new one. 

"So fucking tight," he groaned, his eyes fluttering back for a moment as he enjoyed himself. I clung to him limply, my mind running further away each time his cock pressed further inside me. "So wet and warm… this perfect pussy…"

I needed more. I needed to be beaten into submission by him, but it seemed Spencer had something else in mind to drive me crazy other than brutally fast and hard sex. 

His forehead pressed against mine as he picked up his pace. Spencer's breath fanned across my lips as he bottomed out, both of us sucking in deep as my body adjusted to him. Each roll of his hips was focused, poised to hit me deep and elicit a moan with every firm push of his head against my cervix. 

His eyes entranced me, my mind and problems drifting further away. I couldn't even remember my name. It didn't matter anyways. All I existed in at that moment was Spencer, in what he was giving me and what I took without hesitation. 

He kissed me with purpose, using each press of his lips to accentuate a thrust, a moan, an animalistic grunt from him. Even the rushing river faded into the void of my mind. Our breathing became the only sound I heard, the sharp slap of his hips hitting mine echoing around us.

"Spencer…" I whined, nuzzling close, desperately. Forceful huffs burst from my throat with each thrust, as though he were more than happy to fuck the breath out of me completely. 

My body took everything he gave. My mind fell into a fog, a hazy gray space of our breathing and the sweat on our skin. We slid together with ease, both of us moving in time and falling further into the sensation. 

He destroyed me in an instant with this. My ecstasy stood up tall in the flowers, all bright yellow blooms at the tip. He set me on fire, put out but left to smolder in the mid morning sun. That ember stayed lit, and as my orgasm crested, my trembling jaw fell open once more to call his name up to the skies and disappear in the clouds. 

"Cum for me," Spencer murmured against my lips as I chased him subconsciously. His entire being swallowed mine, absorbing me into his chest as we became one in that moment. "Crumble to pieces, Honey. Honey…"

I shattered, my gaze locked to his. Spencer never let up, never stumbled. He was this steady presence to cling to as a part of my mind burst into pebbles, the walls I'd kept up all these years exploding into rubble. I fell apart. I crumbled. 

The fire refused to dissipate, the smoldering flames lingering to be risen again. Spencer thrust hard one last time, capturing my lips with his. We slotted together perfectly, and I pulled him tightly to me as he moaned desperately into me. I felt him cum, the thick rush of heat that filled me even though he was protected. His groans turned to trembling grunts as he finished, nearly collapsing when he was done. 

Spencer pulled away just enough to press a trail of kisses down my jaw and neck, soft whispers fanning across my skin, "Perfect, perfect girl… good girl…"

His praises echoed through my bones, bouncing between my rib cage until they hit my heart. I reveled in them, his gentle hands brushing back my hair and his sweet words piercing me like a knife. 

"You're fucking amazing, Honey," he said one last time. We both sighed as he pulled out, then got to his knees. 

I found myself pulling up to sit. My arms wrapped around my knees, holding them close to my chest as he went about taking off the condom and cleaning himself up. I heard the crinkle of the wrapper, the sounds of it hitting the trash can, but my eyes were focused on the scenery around us. 

Emotions I couldn't place swirled in my chest. The broad expanse of forestry laid out before me like an endless haven. I was safe. I was satisfied. Still, my body shuddered as hot tears came suddenly. My jaw clenched tightly to keep them in check, but I couldn't stop the swell of vulnerability that surfaced. 

"Hey," Spencer said softly, his gentle hand landing on my shoulder. I couldn't look at him. His arms encircled me instead. I wished it felt like a vice, something to break free from, but again Spencer Reid was something solid and warm to lean against, to be consumed by. 

"I don't…I don't know what's wrong with me," I muttered. My skin melted into him, my arms leaving my knees to clutch his and keep them around me. "I need to be touched. I don't know why."

Spencer's legs spread to pull me between them, his thighs encasing my own. I molded to fit his bigger frame, letting him hold me and in the same moment holding him so tightly around me I might be crushed. 

"You're not doing anything wrong," he murmured, his lips brushing against my ear. I was so ashamed of being seen. I wanted to disappear to nothing with the weight of his eyes looking right through me. "You let go. You didn't lose control, you gave it up, and it was glorious. Just take a minute to get it back."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The scent of sweat and sex swirled around us, the faint plume of coffee beans just on the edge from the nearby fire. Its soft crackles grounded me, the steady rise and fall of his chest against my ribcage calming my fast beating heart. 

"Thank you for giving that to me," Spencer whispered after a while. 

I turned enough to look up at him, but he never let me go. My brows furrowed together as I swallowed a lump in my throat, not sure how to phrase what I wanted to ask. “Why did you want that?”

Spencer’s eyes widened a bit, but then they softened for me. One hand came up to cup my jaw and rub a light circle into my cheek. He sighed, “Let’s just say it’s been a long time since I’ve had any real intimacy with anyone. Sex is one thing, but this?”

His palm smoothed down my arm, lightly squeezing my bicep. He hugged me tighter and gave a little grunt with the effort. “I’m not in the place to ask anyone to trust me enough for this. I’m a fucking mess, a loner, and I’ve been running from my problems for years instead of just facing them. I can’t keep a girlfriend long enough for real intimacy to happen.” “Then why did you ask me for it?” I asked quietly, my voice shaking just enough to denote a bit of fear. Not of him. Of myself, of how much I enjoyed it.

“After what happened at Tooky’s…” Spencer trailed off, taking in a deep breath. He needed a moment to gather up his courage, opting to press his lips to my forehead to gather his thoughts. I leaned into it, sucking up any bit of comfort I could get in that instant. Spencer sighed against me, “I find myself trusting you. It’s been a long time and selfishly, I’d like to let myself do that more before I leave.”

He pulled back to look down at me, “Is that okay?”

His eyes were filled to the brim with a hesitant uncertainty I’d never really seen from him. He was so guarded, so angry and lonely, but as I watched him it seemed to strip away delicately to show a deep part of him. Spencer was vulnerable, and dreadfully alone. I was too.

“Yes,” I replied softly. “I want that too.”

The sweet smile that cracked open on his tired face made my heart swell. He seemed so relieved. Spencer kissed my forehead again before pulling me in close. We sat like that for a while, the slow trickling of the river taking away some of the emotions with it, flowing out to sea. 

"Wildflower Honey," Spencer murmured quietly as we dozed later, tangled up under a blanket found in the back of my van and holding one another tightly as the day lazily passed us by. We didn't talk much, or about anything but some of the things we were interested in sexually. 

He said it again, Wildflower Honey, in a soft whispering exhale as he fell asleep. He started to snore quietly, and I smiled against his fuzzy naked chest. We drifted to sleep in the evening heat. 

Wildflower Honey. 

Smurph's Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Notes: Oh, my heart o.O I love them so freaking MUCH. What do you think of softdom!Spencer and his need for intimacy?

Also, have you guy listened to any of the songs that these chapters are inspired by? Which one is your favorite?

@thedancingcostumeyoungadult @muffin-cup @simplyparker @spencerreidsmommy @hotchandspencearedilfs @gspenc @kbakery @nomajdetective @givemeth @hoshihiime @halloween-is-my-nationality @reidselle @thisiscalmanditsdoctorreid @dreatine @thebloomingeagle @fortheloveofwonderland @theforgottenwinter @parkerreidnorth @reidselle @randomhoex @scargarcia-magshotchner @stitchwrites @pygmygoat-bicyclehelmet @cle13 @aysixdy @elhotchner @directioner5life @elhotchner @loveeee2134 @preciousbabypeter @la-stuffs @stories-you-wont-hear @hotchlover @fortheloveofwonderland @lokiandhisdagger @bellanutellababyyy @dark-night-sky-99 @straightforbuckybutgayfornatasha @maltamurdock @charelletjee @kansas-reid @zephyrmonkey @spencer-reid-wonderland @spencersprettyslut @im-sure-its-fine @tvdstelenaforever @teddylupintonks  @lilibet261 @kneelforloki @dirtytissuebox @almostgenerallyalways @whovian378 @cl0udyqu33n @thegettingbyp2 @averagestudent03 @the-sun-died-out @squishycalumxo @sebastiansstanswhore 

@louderfortheback @pandabiiissh @calebye

@dottirose @lfaewrites @padsfirewhisky @wheels-upin-thirty @f-me-reid @justanothercmblog @academiareid @moyo5653 @comfybabie @trxshwriting 

[okskz]

Break pt.2

elsy + chan

things aren’t looking good between the two and they only get worse from there.

first post of the year! hope you guys enjoy, and please feel free to leave some feedback because it is always appreciated. still not sure how long this series will be. also, requests are OPEN!

[8th member of got7/soloist]

it had been a couple of weeks since the argument between chan and elsy. not one of them took the time to fix things, or even check up on each other. elsy felt chan was the one who needed to message first since she felt he was the cause of their argument. which is why she started to get more upset with him for not trying to call or message her. chan didn’t even try to fix things after she stormed off that day.

was this the end?

elsy most definitely didn’t want her relationship with chan to end. she loved him, he was her first real love and relationship and this was just the thing she was scared of the most. and probably the main reason she was ever scared of getting into a relationship. she didn’t want to lose chan again.

but elsy kept telling herself that this was just a rough patch that couples go through. no relationship was perfect, but she definitely thought her’s and chan’s was. maybe things will go back to normal soon, she thought.

now, the girl was sitting on her couch along with jaebeom as the two watched a movie together. elsy had told jaebeom everything between the couple. with jinyoung being away, she couldn’t go to him like she always did.

“he still loves me right?”

jaebeom rolled his eyes as he took a sip of his beer. he had heard the same question over and over again. “elsy, of course he does.” he answered once again. trying to sound more reassuring. “you guys just had a little discourse, it happens to a lot of relationships.”

“it’s just he hasn’t messaged or call-“

“he’s probably just getting his thoughts together. and when he does, he’ll come looking for you.”

“but does it really take more than a couple of days?”

“he seems very busy in group activities, els.”

elsy sighed as she threw her head back against her couch. all she could think about was chan. “maybe he doesn’t know how to balance being in a relationship and his job. the group got busier than ever.” jaebeom said.

and that he was right, which is why elsy felt a little bad for lashing out on chan for doing his work. elsy knew how much chan loved making new music, but she also was getting tired of constantly having to only be in the studio with him to spend time with him.

his words still replayed in elsy’s head. the girl still felt some type of way with chan’s words. the last thing she wanted was to feel like she was a distraction to chan or going in between him and his work. but hearing it come from chan himself made her think it was becoming true.

it also felt like a slap in the face when he mentioned that he was actually doing something with music unlike her. especially when chan knew the reason why she took a pause in making music.

elsy let out a sigh and jaebeom turned his attention to her. “it’ll be okay, els.” he reassured her again. “he’ll come around.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“when am I ever wrong?” jaebeom let out a chuckle, trying to lighten up the mood. as he took another sip of his beer, elsy snorted and pushed the beer bottle more up, causing the beverage to spill out and go onto jaebeom’s shirt. “oops!”

“damnit, jiyeon!” jaebeom groaned. “now my shirt is ruined.”

elsy continued to laugh. “sorry about that, if you want, you can put it in the washer and then dryer.”

that he did. jaebeom was quick to stand up and take his shirt off to put it in elsy’s washer. and as he was doing that, elsy heard her bell ring and quickly stood up to open her door.

she tugged down her oversized tee, “bang chan?”

“hi, els.” he bit the inside of his lip. “may I come in-“

“who’s here jiyeon?” jaebeom said as he entered back into the living room. the door was open wide enough for chan to see jaebeom behind elsy. his eyes wandered to jaebeom being shirtless and the oversized tee elsy had on.

“it’s bang chan.” she answered. “yes, you can come in.”

chan was a bit hesitant but did either way. jaebeom greeted chan with a smile but only chan greeted jaebeom with a half smile. elsy already knew something was bothering chan.

“I’ll leave you two alone.” jaebeom said as he walked away, going into elsy’s spare room.

“if I’d had known you had company I wouldn’t have stopped by.”

“well, you haven’t messaged me so of course you wouldn’t have known.” elsy said. there was a bit of annoyance in the tone of her voice, and chan quickly noticed it.

“you haven’t either.” chan replied.

“sorry, didn’t want to be more of a distraction to you.” elsy said blankly. “you know, since you have work to do and I don’t.” she repeated the words chan said towards her.

“lee jiyeon, you know that’s not what I meant!” elsy flinched from his sudden outburst.

“you still said it though, bang chan!” elsy yelled back. “so obviously it had to have meant something!”

“no, elsy. no, not at all!” chan exclaimed. “I just meant it as in I didn’t need any distractions at that moment- because I needed to finish-“

“so I am a distraction to you.” elsy snapped. “I just wanted one day! one day for us to actually be a couple and do other things, all we do is sit around in the studio as you work and I’m just there. bang chan, that’s not a date, that’s not anything! I don’t want to always do that, I just wanted for us to go back to how we did things, us going out!”

“elsy, I just can’t do those things at the moment, my schedule has been all over the place-“

“when my schedules were busy, I still made time for you. listen, if you’re not here to apologize chan, then I think you should go. because I cannot deal with another argument with you.” elsy felt her eyes getting watery.

but chan got more annoyed. “why are trying to kick me out so quickly?” chan arched an eyebrow. “something going on between you two that you don’t want me to know about?”

elsy was taken back from chan’s words, becoming confused to say the least as she stared at chan. “what?” she snapped. “and what the hell do you mean by that?” the girl was at lost for words.

chan swallowed hard, “you know what I mean.”

“are you implying that I’m cheating on you?! as if I’d ever sleep with jaebeom, chris. he’s my group member-“

“you did it with jinyoung, so it’s a little hard to believe you wouldn’t.”

chan couldn’t stop the words from coming out. elsy let out the biggest gasp ever that even jaebeom could hear. the tension was thick. elsy felt like she had gotten stabbed in the back. what’s worse was that it was chan who made her feel that way. she couldn’t believe chan had the nerve to say that to her.

“fuck you, bang chan.”

elsy’s eyes became more watery and chan’s mood had instantly changed in regret. “el-“

“no, fuck you!” she yelled. “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” she continued to say as she pushed chan back, tears falling down her face. chan grabbed elsy’s arms to stop her from pushing his chest. “you out of all people.” she cried. “you know how I got treated and you know what people said about me! only for you to be like the rest of them, and think of me like that. fuck you!”

“get out.” elsy snapped. “get out of my home. I don’t want to see you.” the girl went to open her apartment door, leading chan out.

“elsy-“

elsy shook her head, telling chan one last thing before she shut the door on his face.

“we’re done.”

[asshlyyyy]

Personal Nurse

Series Warnings: Language, drug abuse, mentions of abuse, mentions of drugs. Colonel not liking the reader, probably some medical terms are incorrect, mentions of Elvis' potential death, health terms, health issues, yelling, fighting. Spelling and grammatical errors are likely. Individual chapter warnings will appear as needed.

A/n: This is basically Just The Nurse Extended

Masterlist | Next Part

Chapter 1: Become a Personal Nurse?

You flipped through the pages of the new book you'd just received. More like the first book of a new series you had just received. It was a series your mother received over the course of a few years. She said she kept them just in case. Just a little while ago... you finished your schooling in nursing. You had also been approved by your manager to be able to pick up nursing jobs by yourself. Your mother figured it was time to pass down the book series.

Cherry Ames is a series of twenty-seven mystery novels. She is a job-hopping, mystery-solving nurse in the Nancy Drew mold. She was steered into nursing by an old family friend. Did you know, there are fifty Nancy Drew books out currently?! Of course, you knew that it was a series you wanted to pick up for the longest time. In fact, the moment you could start purchasing things with your own money... you started to pick them up. What could you say... you loved mysteries.

You heard the phone start to go off. You peered over at the clock and read the time. It was just bout six in the evening. Who was calling at this time? Soon the ringing ended and the sound of your father's voice filled the apartment.

"Y/n dear, can you help set the table real quick?" Your mother asked as she continued to cook the dinner. You smiled and nodded. You placed the bookmark in place against the rough pages and closed the book. You placed the book off to the side for now and went ahead with setting the table.

Now, what the heck was a near thirty-year-old woman doing still living with her parents? Well, you went to nursing school, which slapped away four years of your life. Before that, you were working up the money to pay for said nursing school. Plus, your parents needed a babysitter from time to time, and well- you didn't disagree with the extra chance to gain money.

"Y/n! Phone for you!" Your father called from the main entryway. You placed down the last plate and made your way over to the phone. Who was asking for you? Last time you checked... you didn't have many friends since you've been... well busy trying to become a nurse.

You picked up the light blue phone and pressed it against your ear, "Y/n speaking."

"Y/n, am I great to hear your voice." Daniel's, your manager's, voice erupted from the other end.

"Daniel, hey, is everything okay?" You asked as you looked over at the pictures that were posted on the wall.

"Of course, but I got a great job for you. Just came in actually, and I know that you are the person for the job. You're one of the best trainees that I've ever had... I just know you will be perfect for this job." He spoke. A job…? Already? You just graduated a couple of weeks ago and yet… you were getting a job?

"Really? A job for me? Already?" You asked astonished. Usually, it took some people months to get a job. They end up in the clinical waiting for the day they get a big shot job.

"Of course, I already recommended you to the client... and he loves the sound of you." He told you. You smiled softly and looked over at your parents who had their eyes on you.

"What is it?" You finally asked.

"Now, before I go ahead and tell you... I was told that you can't tell anyone about this. Not even your closest friends or family." Daniel explained. Your face formed into a puzzle expression. Why couldn't you tell anyone about this job? What was so secretive about it... that it had to be kept secret?

"Um, okay?" You replied unsure, but you didn’t see why you would tell people. In the end, you would just share that you got a job.

"I'm sure you are aware of Elvis Presley?" Daniel asked, well more like assumed. Everyone on the face of earth knew who Elvis was. Whether you disliked him or not… you knew who he was.

"Yes, my sister is a die-hard fan." You chuckled lightly and wrapped the phone coil around your finger.

"Well, his father Vernon... is concerned about his health and wanted to hire a personal nurse to help care for bring him back to health." He explained the situation. It didn’t surprise you, a lot of singers went down the route of drugs. No matter how much they swore they wouldn’t.

"Wait- so are you saying... that I will be-"

"Yes, you will be Elvis Presley's nurse," Daniel confirmed to you. Now, you didn’t care much for Elvis. You liked his songs, but you weren’t some crazy fan… like your sister.

"My sister is going to flip-" You started to speak, but was soon cut off.

"Remember, you can't tell anyone. Vernon doesn't want word to get out that... well Elvis is in a bad state." He explained to you once more.

"Right right... I forgot about that." Part of you did in fact forget. You just thought it would be fun for your sister to know about such things.

"So, there are a few things I have to go over with you." He spoke.

"Like what?" You raised your eyebrow. You moved over to the chair and took a squat.

"You're going to be staying over at their house. Vernon is going to get rid of his staff members, and you're going to be tending to him. Making him healthy meals and whatnot." He explained.

"I didn't sign up to be a servant." You pointed out to him. In nowhere did it say becoming a nurse meant becoming a servant.

"You aren't going to be a servant, Y/n. You're going to bring him back to better health. So, that includes making healthy meals." He brought up. Healthy meals were one thing, but if you were going to have to clean up after this guy… you were going to throw a fit.

"Okay..."

"Do you understand?" He asked.

"I mean I understand. I just don't understand why I have to... ya know... move in with him?" You asked as you pinched the bridge of your nose. Just trying to paste together everything. Of course, this was a great job opportunity, but you would have to move... into some strangers... beautiful... big house. Positives and negatives people. Positives and negatives.

"It's part of the job. He's paying a lot of money for this, Ms. Y/l/n. The firm is going to gain a lot of money and attraction, you're going to be making a lot of money. You'll be able to finally move out of your family's place." He brought up. It did sound nice… to finally be out of your parent’s place…

You let out a sigh and nodded, "right... okay... yeah..."

"Is that going to be a problem? I suggested you because you're one of the best. I thought you would be all for this?" Daniel asked in a confused tone.

"No no! I am... It's just... I don't know... I'm going to have to basically shove everything to the side. Not have contact with my family, but... I'll do it." You said in defeat. It wasn’t like you were going to have to cut ties with your family… it just meant things were going to get complicated.

"His family and friends are just worried. Just know... there is a high chance he is going to decline help from you... and most likely will get bad at you, but Y/n. I know you can save him. I know you can." You smiled softly at his compliment.

"Thanks, Daniel."

"No thank you! I'll call Vernon back and they'll have someone pick you up tomorrow around nine in the morning. I'll give you a call tomorrow once you’re all settled in.” He said.

"Okay, thanks again, Daniel." You thanked him again. I mean, you could’ve been stuck in a clinic,  but instead… you’re going to be stuck at Graceland.

"Of course. I'll hear from you tomorrow."

"Yup, sure will. Bye." You waited for his response and hung the phone back on the receiver. You let out a sigh and rubbed your eyes. Did that really just happen? It felt all like a lie… but… it wasn’t. This was really happening.

You stood up and turned towards the kitchen and found your whole family staring at you. You raised your eyebrow in confusion. “What…?” You asked.

“Well? What’s the job?” Your sister spoke up. She held an excited smile on her face.

“I’m not supposed to say,” you said as you brought your hand up to your lips. You mimicked a zipping motion and threw away the imaginary key.

“But we’re your family,” your younger brother whined. Your brother barely understood anything, why did he care what the job was? It was cute, yes, but he is barely six. You chuckled lightly and ruffled up his hair. In return, he swatted your hands away in annoyance.

“All right fine… but you guys can’t tell anyone. And I mean anyone.” You looked at the four of them.

“You should be most worried about your sister saying something.” Your father pointed out. He was right. Your younger sister had a big mouth. She loved the gossip and loved to share it with everyone. When she heard something, she shared it. She was the type of person who would hear a rumor, and tell everyone.

“What?!” Mary, your sister, gasped lightly. “How dare you accuse me of such things.” She placed her hand over her heart.

“I’m supposed to be nursing Elvis Presley. Monitor him… Get him back onto his feet.” You told them. You know Daniel told you not to tell, but they were your family. Plus, who would believe your sister when they told them you were working with Elvis? Absolutely no one.

Your sister let out a gasp, “no way!!” She started to squeal. “Elvis Presley! THE Elvis Presley!”

“Mary, calm down. He’s just a boy.” Your father tried to claim her down. Elvis was… not a boy. He was a full-grown man.

“He’s not just some boy, dad. He is Elvis Presley!” She ran passed you and towards her room. She was most likely going to get some merchandise of his. “This is him!” She ran back out after a couple of seconds. She now held in her hands of a poster of him. “Famous. Celebrity. Hot. Rich. Single. And he sings!”

“Mary, calm down.” Your father told her once more.

“Sorry…” She frowned gently and held the poster close to her chest.

“Now don’t go ‘round telling your friends. You can’t even tell them I’m working for someone famous. In fact, don’t even mention that I have a job.” You explained to Mary.

“This isn’t fair,” she whined.

“Life isn’t always fair, Mary.” Your mother spoke up before she made her way back into the kitchen.

“Listen… if you keep the secret, and if you’re lucky… I might be able to get him to sign something for you.” You smiled at her gently.

“Would ya?” She asked with a hopeful smile.

“Maybe,” you chuckled lightly and walked to the kitchen.

The five of you ate dinner and discussed your new job. Everyone was excited and happy for you. Your sister was extremely jealous. If only she could be in your shoes and be working near Elvis. That was her ultimate dream. To be able to work with Elvis. Would it ever happen? Maybe one day it will, but as long as she’s in high school… she’s stuck far away from him.

After dinner finished up you helped your mother with cleaning up. It was the least you could do for staying here and living with them still. Most people your age were already married and had kids. You were as single as a loose penny. You were also far from having any type of kids at this rate.

You made your way into your room and figured it was time to start packing. It was better than having to wake up early the next morning and do it all right then and there. Your medical bag was pretty much all ready. Yet, you knew it would still make sure everything was in there.

You went to your closet and found your luggage. You pulled the light blue piece out and placed it on your bed. You opened it up and started to pack everything up. You’ve been training to be a full-time nurse for quite some time now. You’ve worked under Daniel’s view for about a year. Just recently were you able to pass the final exam. It was a lot of work, but you were excited for the next adventure.

You stuffed as much as you can into your luggage, grabbed your old book bag, and started to stuff that up as well. There was no way you were going to leave your parent’s place and not take a bunch of books. Not to mention you had to finish ready the new series your mother just got you. There were also some medical journals that you had to reads. Just because you graduated, didn’t mean there wasn’t anything else you couldn’t learn.

You placed the luggage off to the side and grabbed your medical bag and the lockbox that stood underneath it. For the most part, you kept your medical bag full. On the other hand, you had to keep all types of medication locked away. This is mostly due to you having younger siblings. You didn’t want one of them to end up in your bag and… well…

You got everything packed up rather quickly, and you were stuck checking them multiple times. There was no way you wanted to forget something. You didn’t even know if it was possible for you to leave once you were there. There was also no way your parents could drop it off either.

So, as you laid in bed that night… You realized just how scared you were. There was something about meeting someone famous. It was like you had to impress them. You couldn’t mess up anything. Even your words. One small slip-up and they may think differently of you. Yet, there was something else. It was Elvis. He changed the world of music, and you were about to one right by his side.

Sure, you aren’t the biggest fan, but that didn’t mean you wouldn’t be starstruck. The man was beautiful, you give him that. But you also knew he had anger issues. Then again, everyone had some kind of anger issue. Your first job… went his job could either make you… or break you… That’s a lot of pressure to be holding.

Mutual Taglist: @babyhoneypresley, @emmymaehereeeeee, @venus-haze, @austinstyles