#she’s just been Existing in 12 for as long as anyone can remember

[loonarmuunar]

I feel like any theories about what happened to Lucy Gray kinda ruins the intentional mystery of her. But tbh. The idea of her just being some weird old lady in 12 is hilarious to me. Nobody believes her about anything she says.

“Y’know I was the 10th winner of the games” “okay miss Lucy”

[daitranscripts]

Solas Cutscene: Warm Approval

Felt The Whole World Change

Solas Masterpost

Special: Tell me more about yourself.

PC: I’m interested in what you told me of yourself and your studies. If you have time, I’d like to hear more.

Solas: You continue to surprise me. All right, let us talk… preferably somewhere more interesting than this.

The scene cuts to them walking through Haven.

PC: Why here?

Solas: Haven is familiar. It will always be important to you.

PC: We talked about that already.

They enter the cells below the chantry.

Solas: I sat beside you while you slept, studying the Anchor.

Dialogue options:

General: Thank you. [1]

General: That must have been quick. [2] +Solas slightly approves

General: We’re not here for me. [3] -Solas slightly disapproves

1 - General: Thank you. PC: I’m glad someone was watching over me. Solas: You were a mystery. You still are. [4]

2 - General: That must have been quick. PC: How long can it take to look at a mark on my hand? Solas: A magical mark of unknown origin, tied to a unique breach in the Veil? Longer than you might think. [4]

3 - General: We’re not here for me. PC: I wanted to know more about you. Solas: This is about me. [4]

4 - Scene continues. \ Solas: I ran every test I could imagine, searched the Fade, yet found nothing. Cassandra suspected duplicity. She threatened to have me executed as an apostate if I didn’t produce results.

Dialogue options:

General: I wouldn’t allow that. [5]

General: Of course she did. [6] +Solas slightly approves

General: It got results. [7] -Solas slightly disapproves

5 - General: I wouldn’t allow that. PC: I would never have agreed to that. Solas: You were in no position to argue. [8]

6 - General: Of course she did. PC: Cassandra’s like that with everyone. Solas: Yes. (Chuckles.) [8]

7 - General: It got results. PC: The threat worked. Solas: No, it didn’t. [8]

8 - Scene continues.

They leave.

Solas: You were never going to wake up. How could you, a mortal sent physically through the Fade? I was frustrated, frightened. The spirits I might have consulted had been driven away by the Breach. Although I wished to help, I had no faith in Cassandra… or she in me. I was ready to flee.

Dialogue options:

General: You didn’t. [9]

General: Where to? [10] +Solas slightly approves

General: You were smart not to. [11]

9 - General: You didn’t. PC: But you stayed. Solas: I did. [12]

10 - General: Where to? PC: The Breach threatened the whole world. Where did you plan to go? Solas: Someplace far away where I might research a way to repair the Breach before its effects reached me. I never said it was a good plan. [12]

11 - General: You were smart not to. PC: If you’d run, Cassandra would have been certain of your guilt. She’d have hunted you down. Solas: You are likely right. [12]

12 - Scene continues.

Solas: I told myself: one more attempt to seal the rifts. I tried and failed. No ordinary magic would affect them. I watched the rifts expand and grow, resigned myself to flee, and then…

There’s a flash back to the moment Solas thrusts' the PC’s hand at the first rift.

Solas: It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture… and right then, I felt the whole world change.

Dialogue options:

Surprised: This mattered to you? [13]

Confused: This isn’t how it happened. [14]

Stoic: I’m glad you stayed. [15]

Flirt: You care about me? [16]

13 - Surprised: This mattered to you? PC: It was that impressive to see me awake? Solas: You had walked in the Fade. I have explored the Fade more than anyone alive, but even I can only visit in dreams. But you… you might have been able to visit me here while awake. PC: What do you mean? [17]

14 - Confused: This isn’t how it happened. PC; You didn’t say it that way, I don’t think. You just… said it. Solas: Is that how you remember it? That is what I mean about perception shaping our existence. PC: But that’s only true in the Fade. [17]

15 - Stoic: I’m glad you stayed. PC: For all our sakes, I’m pleased that you stuck around. Solas: As am I. You have fractured rules of man and nature, and you will shatter more before you are done. [17]

17 - Scene continues.

Solas (mage PC): Visiting me here, even as a mage… it should not have been so easy for you. Solas (non-mage PC): To visit me here, and you not even a mage…

PC: What do you mean? [20]

16 - Flirt: You care about me? PC: Felt the whole world change? Solas: A figure of speech. PC: I’m aware of the metaphor. I’m more interested in “felt.” Solas: You change… everything.

Dialogue options:

General: It’s okay. [18]

Flirt: [Kiss him.] [19]

18 - General: It’s okay. PC: You’re a good friend, Solas. I appreciate that. Solas: Thank you. You throw me off so easily. Even here. PC: What do you mean, “even here”? [20]

19 - Flirt: [Kiss him.] PC: Sweet talker. The PC kisses him, and goes to leave, but Solas grabs them and they kiss agian. Solas: We shouldn’t. It isn’t right. Not even here. Solas steps back. PC: What do you mean, “even here”? [20]

20 - Scene continues.

Solas: Where did you think we were?

The PC looks around.

PC: This isn’t real.

Solas: That’s a matter of debate… probably best discussed after you wake up.

The PC jolts awake in their bed.

[getvalentined]

@sephirthoughts: my tumblr app isn’t showing your ask box for some reason so i’m asking here 😂 8, 12, 35, 47 for vincent please? 🖤🖤🖤🖤

(I turned it off and back on again so let me know if you see it now! I just turned it back on today after having it off for a couple weeks, so I'm not shocked it's a bit buggy.)

[For the Random Character Asks game.]

8. Unpopular opinion about them?

I mean my most unpopular opinion about Vincent is definitely that he's the single most compelling character in the entirety of Final Fantasy VII, but with regard to like...headcanons and character interpretations, it's probably that I don't think most of his monsters are actually entirely separate entities with their own unique personalities—I don't even interpret Chaos as sapient the majority of the time.

Aside from Hellmasker, who I've discussed before, any personality seen in Vincent's monsters is literally just a facet of Vincent's own with various traits and aspects stripped away based on the trauma through which they manifested. Galian and Gigas are more like partially-dissociated identities, not complete entities unto themselves, while Chaos has the capacity for periodic sapience only after decades of filtering itself through Vincent's consciousness via the protomateria. At its core Chaos is really just an animal, meaning any personality it might seem to express is the result of it mimicking Vincent over time, which is why it's just vicious and out of control when it manifests in Dirge without the protomateria. (I think my take on the protomateria is probably also wildly unpopular, but I actually can't remember seeing anyone else ever talking about how they believe it functions, so I'm not sure you can call something "unpopular" when there is no "popular" option.)

Fandom really likes portraying all of them as completely separate fully-fledged characters, and it's easier for my Vincent to refer to them similarly in most contexts, but he knows that's not really how it works—he just chooses not to explain it.

12. Crack headcanon?

Vincent is the king of Junon. No, I'm not kidding, this is consistent in basically all my renditions of Vincent. Even if it doesn't come up, if I'm portraying Vincent in basically any version of the canon universe wherein the Wutai War took place, Vincent is the king of Junon.

My version of Valentine family is founding nobility in Junon, which is a crowned republic, with the royal family basically operating as a ceremonial figurehead. The royal family has no actual ruling power at this point, but people like having them around—particularly the other noble families, who use their existence as a way of maintaining the right to a share of taxes and the like—and between the war with Shinra and everything else, nothing has ever really been done to change that.

I was going to try to explain the genealogy behind this, and then I remembered that I have a chart—and I'm gonna put it and the rest of this post under a cut, because this is stupidly long at this point and I'm two questions deep.

Vincent's extended family tree:

Okay so, Vincent's second cousin was Queen Adelaide, who took the throne fairly young due to her mother passing away; the one who "married in" doesn't keep rulership after the death of their spouse except in cases where their heir is still a minor, and then rulership passes to the heir upon adulthood. If there is no heir, the title gets kicked to the next royal-by-blood on the line. Adelaide died in the late '90s, unmarried and without an heir—but there were no other royals left. She was an only child, and all the others were dead.

...Well, probably. See, Vincent had been listed as missing in action since 1978. Because of the clandestine nature of the department, Turks that disappear aren't listed as dead until there's either a body recovered, or they've been missing for 50 years, whichever comes first. Legally, Vincent was still alive, and the Junon Society of Royals (aka the JSR, the group responsible for keeping Junonese nobility in their wealth) grabbed onto that to perform what's called a "paperwork ascension." These used to be pretty common back when heirs would get sent away to war or for school or whatever, gone for years at a time whether their ruling parent died or not.

The plan was for the JSR to plug Vincent in temporarily and proceed to dig back through the entire genealogical record to try to find some distant heir who was actually present and definitely alive to put on the throne instead (there is also a mechanism for this in Junonese tradition) but there was the whole war with Wutai, and then a bunch of terrorist nonsense happened, then everything went sideways with Meteor, then Geostigma, then Omega—and then King Vincent Vickalor Valentine VII, a man who should have been about 60 years old and whom everyone assumed was actually dead as hell everywhere except on paper, reappeared working with the WRO in 2010.

Vincent had absolutely no idea any of this had happened. He had no fucking clue that he'd legally been king of Junon for over a decade. Upon finding out via a very angry letter from the JSR asking him to pass the crown to another noble family and please do not come be King Cryptid the public cannot take it, he instead routed as much of the royal family's share of taxes as he was legally allowed to the WRO as a recurring charitable donation, including that same percentage from the escrow account into which that share had been fed since Queen Adelaide's death, and divvied up as much of the rest as was permissible to various other charitable causes. A good chunk of it is stuck just sitting there, which is annoying because he doesn't want it, but if he dissolves the monarchy then the WRO stops getting that funding so he can't do that just yet. He will eventually, since he can't die and thus the JSR screwed themselves over by putting him "in charge," but it will be a while before he does it.

This means that the king of Junon owns three pairs of pants, lives in an apartment that contains only a mattress and a radio, and hasn't gotten his hair cut in over 30 years. The JSR do not broadcast his existence and he doesn't meddle too much with their bougie nonsense, so it's not general public knowledge.

Reeve knew the entire time and just never said anything.

35. Their idea of a perfect day?

This one is actually really hard, because my Vincent doesn't really...think that way? He doesn't really make his own plans or have his own aspirations, because if he thinks about his future he won't stop and that's pretty crippling for him what with the immortality, so the idea of a perfect day hasn't crossed his mind since he was sent to Nibelheim.

If we're going outside his thoughts on the concept and into what would be a perfect day for him within the feasible bounds of his general existence immediately postcanon, it would vary depending on which headcanon universe I'm working with. Going with the one I've been playing in the most recently, it would start with cloudy weather in Junon and a short workday at WRO HQ—busy enough to keep occupied but slow enough that he can afford to head out early—followed by his mostly-monthly visit to Edge to help Tifa deep clean the bar and kitchen at Seventh Heaven. After that, he and Tifa and Cloud (and Barret, who is stated to live in Edge as well post-AC) would hang out in the closed bar and catch up, maybe have a few drinks; once it's dark enough, Vincent and Cloud would split off, finding somewhere quiet and secluded to recover from all that peopling. Maybe up on the roof, maybe a little ways out of town, and they'd stay out there until Cloud got sleepy, at which point Vincent would get him home. Maybe Vincent would stay the night, but realistically it'd only ever be to sleep. Someday maybe it would be more than that, but Vincent does his best not to think about the future.

A perfect day is being useful, getting to pretend he's still a normal person, and spending time with the people who won't call him out on the lie.

47. Their dream job?

Vincent's dream job is being a Turk. Period. It doesn't matter what point in time we're talking about, that's the answer.

Postcanon, this isn't because he wants anything to do with Shinra (the Turks don't actually work with Shinra anymore by then in my headcanon, the department was absorbed into the WRO just after AC), but because it was the only thing Vincent ever really wanted to do before. He and Tseng would butt heads too much for him to rejoin the department, but that doesn't even matter—Vincent is extremely mako-enhanced, among other things, and Turks aren't allowed to have any biological augmentations. His abilities may have been forced on him, but they're still very much enhancements, so Vincent's physiology bars him from the only job he ever wanted.

Vincent is no longer a Turk, and never will be again—no matter how much he might dream about it.

[melodygatesauthor]

Okay guys, I can't believe it's been a full year since I published the first chapter of my first fanfiction story and I'm still going strong today. - (Side note...it was actually yesterday but I wanted to get all my fics posted to AO3 so I could get an accurate word count and tell you all what I've done so...it took me an extra day)

This is going to be a really long post, and I thank everyone in advance for reading all the way through if you make it. I'm taking a moment to allow myself to talk about my accomplishments over the last year, my goals for this next year, and gas myself up just a bit. As an artist, it's really hard to talk about myself in a positive light without being critical, but I'm going to do it anyway. No one asked, but this is one of the ways I wanna celebrate my ficversary so...I'm gonna do it lol.

My First Fanfic Ever

I'd like to start by sharing my beginnings with writing. If I really think back to the very first fanfiction I wrote, I thought it was a Gorillaz fic (which I still have a handwritten copy of in my closet lol), but it wasn't. I think the very first fanfic I wrote technically was a Pirates of the Caribbean fic when I was 11. I didn't even realize that's what it was, I just knew that I was SO into POTC that I wanted to write about it. It had just come out by the way, so I'm really dating myself. This was...2003.

We had this thing we had to do for school, it was like a writing assignment or something, one of those big ones that they gave you, a standardized whatever. I managed to find a way to spin it into a POTC related thing and I went OFF writing this story. It had its own twists and turns unrelated to POTC, but it was a fanfic through and through.

The Beginning of My Fan Art

When I was 12 I started listening to Good Charlotte, to a point that it was my entire personality. Everyone who knew me, knew I loved them. Every fucking art project I had in middle school (7th and 8th grade) was revolved around this band, particularly Joel Madden.

My love for them has come and gone, but I still remember how I felt at the time (not unlike how I feel toward Oscar Isaac now lol). I mean my art teacher literally had to be like "I want you to branch out, you can't make everything about them." And as an adult, I'm wondering -why the fuck not but- ...I digress.

The First Fanfic I Ever "Published"

When I was 12 (or maybe closer to 13), I became OBSESSED with the Gorillaz. When I say obsessed I mean...I listened to the album Demon Days on repeat until it fucking broke. I changed my G's when I would write by hand to match the G in their logo. I made tons of fan art and it was a damn vibe. This was the first time I really discovered fanfiction and learned what it was.

I remember reading one fanfic from some girl on this website (I'm really dating myself here, some of you will know what site this is...) Quizilla. Quizilla was THE site at the time (other than LiveJournal I think, but I never used LiveJournal and didn't know it existed at the time) for fanfiction and what you would now call "buzzfeed quizzes". This girl's writing inspired me to write my own fanfic, which I handwrote and kept in a green folder which, as I said, I still have to this day sitting in my closet.

My very first fic, and yes at 13, included some romance, some non-con (don't fucking ask me why idk even how I knew about that at 13. I was never exposed to this type of thing as a child fortunately) and other nonsense. I published it on this site, and it made me really happy. I don't remember if anyone ever read it or not tbh, but it will forever hold a place in my heart <3

My Best Friend/Emo Era

I met my best friend in high school when I was about 14. She and I are still close to this day. Not as close, but I can still tell her my most unhinged thoughts and she loves me regardless. We met because we both wrote fanfiction and lost our minds over the fact that we did. Thus started my emo era.

She was into My Chemical Romance, and I was into The Used. 2005 was a time lol. The two of us had either a binder or a composition notebook where we'd handwrite our fics and pass them back and forth between classes. I still have the ones I wrote tucked away in my house. When we'd read them she and I would leave little notes in the margins like we all leave comments today.

Most of these fics never got published, they were just for us to enjoy. I did, however, publish a fic when I was about 15, that I wrote to completion. Quizilla ended up going down, and most of us moved to Mibba.com instead, which is still a website.

Edit: I looked at Mibba, and it looks like the website is still there, but you can't search for anything, so Mibba is gone too. Not gonna lie, broke my nostalgic heart just a bit to see...Some fics I wrote on there will be gone forever. Maybe for the best, but it's still kinda sad.

The Avenged Sevenfold Era

When I tell you that Avenged Sevenfold has been my favorite band since I was 15, I'm dead ass. Are they the best band ever? Not by a long shot, but damn the way I still lose my shit over them is unhinged. Anyone who was around during this time fucking knows...they were fucking HOT. Matt Shadows really had the bulky but not shredded body type going on, they all kinda did, and I'm so here for it.

Why I'll never post any of the fics I wrote during this time, even if I get my hands on them...

I wrote them when I was 15, and I was writing about things 15 year olds shouldn't write about.

You don't know cringe until you've read those fics.

It's about real people and I'm not a fan of rpf anymore. I'm all for writing whatever you want and fiction being fiction but there's something that gives me the ick about real people fiction. No offense to anyone who writes it, that's just my feelings.

The way these guys had a hold on me for the next 5 years was ridiculous. I wrote about them a lot, by hand, on my laptop, however I could. I had so many unhinged ideas and stories it's insane. I loved every minute of it, and I always look back on this as my true start into fanfiction.

The End of an Era

All good things come to an end. After graduation, my best friend and I stayed in touch, but grew apart. I went to college and continued writing fanfic. I was pursuing a major in graphic design with a minor in creative writing. I was convinced that even though I was writing fanfiction, I was going to write a book too and it would be a bestseller.

As time went on, probably when I was about 20 or 21, I kinda stopped writing fanfiction all together. My friend wasn't really writing it anymore, and the community around Avenged Sevenfold was slowing down. I was also in the middle of a breakup and it was a whole thing, so I kinda stopped writing around this time.

I'd also, unfortunately, felt like fanfiction was for kids/teens, so didn't feel the need to continue writing anymore. I didn't want to seem like a loser writing fanfiction in my twenties...so I didn't.

For the record, you're not a loser for writing fanfiction. It's a very valid artform and it's fun. We only live for so long, so enjoy it doing what makes you happy, period. I'll probably be writing in my 50s I fucking hope lol.

Anyway, at that time, that's how I felt. I now know it's bullshit to think that way. So fanfiction fizzled out for me, and I kinda moved on to other things.

My Not-fanfiction Era

What was I doing instead of writing? Going through an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, working on trying to build what I thought was the 'dream' (marriage, kids, a house, e.t.c.), working and playing video games.

Fortunately that relationship ended. After years of therapy (which he told me I needed because he gaslit me into thinking I was crazy lol), I grew the balls to finally tell him to fuck off and leave. It was the best decision I ever made, especially considering this was JUST before COVID hit. I shudder to this day thinking about the fact that I was almost stuck in a house with that freak during lockdown.

When that relationship ended I moved back to Maine to be with my family. I missed them and had spent basically my entire 20s in another state with some loser.

Back to Fanfiction - Kylo Ren Era

So how did I get back here? How did I get back into writing and creating fan art? The truth is, a switch literally flipped in my brain over this guy right here...

I mean...

The funny thing is, I wasn't SUPER into Star Wars before this. I liked it, I'd seen the sequel trilogy in theaters, but to me it was just a movie series. I was literally watching a Sam Collins video on YouTube where he made fun of a Kylo Ren cosplayer's thirst trap on TikTok and was like...oh that's actually kinda hot.

Thought nothing of it though, just moved on with my day...until I dreamt about him too. And then I felt this spark inside me that I couldn't shake. I literally was like...👀 something is happening here.

So I remembered this feeling from when I was a teen and recognized the impending obsession immediately. I actually googled "is fanfiction still relevant" and "is it ok to write fanfiction as an adult?"

The short answers are - yes - and - of course it is -. This was how I discovered the VERY popular Kylo Ren fic Fix Your Attitude by Kassanovella. I read it in a matter of a week, and in that time I started writing my own fic. I also rewatched ALL the Star Wars movies, and then continued rewatching the sequel trilogy on repeat just so I could get Kylo Ren's character down. I wanted to make sure I captured his voice and personality perfectly. - When I say I watched the sequel trilogy 20 times, it's not an exaggeration, I had it on constantly.-

The fic I wrote was called, Yes, Master

The first chapter of that fic was published on 09/05/2022 (one year ago today), and the last chapter was published on 10/14/2022 with a word count of 100,701. Not only is it the longest fic I've written of all the fics I've done, but it's the one I wrote the fastest. I was posting a chapter a day every day until it was finished. I mean...I literally went OFF on this story. I was so proud of it that I went to lulu.com and made myself a physical copy of it that I intend to read as part of this celebration I'm doing lol.

Wondering if anyone would be interested in me revamping this story (rewriting and updating it) and posting here? I would definitely do it if there was enough interest.

I then wrote a sequel called By Your Side which taught me SO MUCH. Here's what I learned when creating this sequel...

Not everything needs a sequel.

Writing a chapter a day isn't realistic.

I should've planned a full outline before diving into this fic.

I'm not into pregnancy fics/domestic fics all that much as far as longfics go.

It's okay to genuinely dislike something you've written and you should try to learn from that.

By Your Side is still to this day one of my least favorite fics (if not my LEAST favorite). I am still proud of myself for finishing it, (it sits at a hefty 85,599 words). I don't have to love it though. I'm just grateful for what I learned in the process of writing it and proud of myself for finishing it despite being sick of it by chapter 8 and still writing 20 chapters after that.

I also wrote my very first Yandere fic, Just You. It's a bit darker, in my opinion, than The Fractured Moon. This fic was a blast to write, and it felt very freeing to write something so disturbing. It was fun to just let myself get into a dark headspace without holding back and not feeling bad about it. It was more

The Rainbow Six Siege Era

During my time writing for Kylo, I went back to a video game I used to play a lot, Rainbow Six Siege. My Oscar Era bleeds into the Kylo and R6S era a little but I'll talk about that soon.

The Siege fandom was an interesting one...one that I'll probably not go back to much, though I may still write a little fic for it here and there as I feel inspired to. I won't dive too much into this as I know most of you are Oscar fans, but I'll mention my accomplishments here and the things I learned.

I wrote another novel-length fic for this fandom called The Recruit and the Hunter which has another 83,888 words. I actually LOVE this story, and still look back on it fondly. It was a fun one to write, and I really challenged myself to write less smut for it, and I succeeded. It focused heavily on the relationship that built between the main pairing and in my opinion it's one of my better slow-burns I've done.

Why did I leave this fandom?

Well, I'm not going to throw shade, I don't like doing that unless I have to, so I'll keep it brief. The long and the short of it is this...

The readers were getting EXTREMELY demanding. I have comments on RATH of people saying things like "I'm going to be upset if you don't give us a happy ending" and "there better be smut or I swear...". It can get really discouraging as a writer when people seem to say "I love your fic but I'll only continue to love it if you do xyz." It puts us in a dilemma, and makes it hard for us to find a balance between providing fan service, and doing what's fun for us to write. It definitely changed the outcome of RATH and I'm not happy that I gave in like that.

The requests I got were confusing and downright weird. I didn't do some of the really weird ones, and I'm not meaning to kink shame, but it was just very niche things that I couldn't get myself into. I think part of why I felt obligated to provide fan service like I mentioned in the point above, and why I caved and wrote some fanfics for these more unique requests, is because this fandom is very small, and I felt an obligation to provide.

Some of the other writers in the fandom are fucking rude. I'm not going to mention names, like I said, but I had very poor experiences with several writers in the fandom, and since I was also integrating into the Oscar fandom at the time, I could see a stark difference in the way I was being accepted in one, versus the way I was being pushed away in the other. There aren't a lot of x reader writers in the R6S fandom, and I was one of them, and there seems to be some animosity between the people who ship characters, versus the people who write x reader and that's where this mistreatment came from. I don't know, I tried making friends over there, and felt like I was getting pushed out.

So anyway, it's not for me anymore, but I still think back to certain parts of it fondly, and I may write a little more here and there as I see fit.

The Oscar Isaac Era

This really is THE era, isn't it?

As I was working on the last 10 or so chapters of Yes, Master, and after my 12th time rewatching the sequel trilogy movies, I started to fall for Poe Dameron, naturally. How could I not? I mean look at him...

So I decided that I would give Poe a prequel to my Yes, Master story called One Hell of a Pilot. This fic was so fun to write, and it's how I became involved with the Oscar Isaac community in the first place. Immediately I started following Dee, and through her I found Mona, and it was just snowballing from there. Whitney and Romana were some of the first to follow me and my shenanigans.

In December, which is when I started writing One Hell of a Pilot, another novel-length fic that ended with 80,517 words, is when I started reading Dee's fics, along with Mona's and many others. I saw their interactions and felt excited by the prospect of making new friends who were just as into some of this stuff as I was. A place that I could be myself and lose my shit over this idiot and not be judged.

I had no idea what the hell I was getting myself into.

It all started with a fic that Dee had written, I can't remember which one, probably a dbf!Santi fic, and I asked the innocent question of...

What movie is this from?

Oh shit...I didn't realize what the fuck I was getting myself into. After she told me it was Triple Frontier and I should watch it, my brother and I watched it right away. I told him a friend of mine suggested it. The way we spent the entire 1.5 hours laughing at how bad it was is still a memory I hold dear to my heart. I still didn't know at the time that this loser (Oscar my beloved) would hold a place in my heart from that day on.

My first Santi fic was a headcanon about Santi w/ a plussize reader that I called Preciously Plump. A headcanon that later got a full fic, appropriately named Preciously Plump the One-shot.

So then I read something about Moon Knight, and between Dee and Mona shoving me into it (peer pressure ftw) I caved and watched the show.

Phew...

That gave way to the first Moon Knight fic I ever wrote, How Unexpected which came out on January 3rd, 2023 of this year. I was sure that between Steven's adorable nerdy behavior, and Marc's tough exterior, I'd be head over heels for those two. I was nervous to even TOUCH Jake, because I didn't know shit about his character, and the last thing I wanted to do was write a character without it sounding like them.

I was also afraid at the time of writing the Moon Boys with DID because I didn't know anything about it, and I didn't want to misrepresent something like that. After some time went by, I got my bearings, and started working on A Bit Dodgy.

ABD is definitely one of the fics I'm most proud of. I had learned a lot from my past fics I'd written, Yes, Master, e.t.c., and figured out what it was that works best when I'm writing to not only keep myself interested, but to create a good balance between smut for smut's sake, and pushing the story forward.

When I first started writing ABD, I was sure it was going to be a 30-40 chapter fic, but as I started writing it more, I realized quickly that a lot of the chapters were just porn. Is there anything wrong with that? No...but as someone who's written nearly a million words in this past year, I don't feel the need to draw my chaptered fics out with smut just to say I wrote something x chapters or x words wrong.

That's why ABD ended up getting cut down SO MUCH from my original plan. I just made some decisions that I felt maximized the story more and used the smut as a major plot device, rather than the fic revolving around smut as the plot...if that makes any sense lol. I'm happy to say, that as of today, A Bit Dodgy has concluded, though it's the only fic I've ever finished with such a heavy heart.

I was an Oscar stan HARD after that, diving into Sucker Punch and other silly little movies filled with that silly little man whom I love so so much.

Statistics

Numbers aren't important when it comes to kudos (AO3) and likes (Tumblr) so I'm not focusing on those. What I am going to focus on...is my personal accomplishments. Like I said, I don't normally toot my own horn, but I fucking wrote A LOT this year, and I'm going to take a minute to pat myself on the back.

So NOT including my random blurbs (since I'm not bothering to cross-post those)...

My total word count from 09/05/2022-09/05/2023 is (drumroll please):

791,829 words

OH

EM

GEE

I had thought I would've hit a million by now but I am NOT going to complain. By the grace of the horny demon that runs the smut factory in my brain, I've written more than I ever even thought possible.

In the Moon Knight fandom alone, I've written:

238,950 words

I think the only fandom I've written more for is Star Wars, but I'd have to add it all up and I'm not doing that rn haha.

Just kidding it's:

368,566 words

----

I wrote 6 novel-length fics, a total of 147 works, MK holds the record for most fics I've written at a whopping 82 fics!

----

It's shocking to look back and see what I've accomplished, and to look forward to seeing what else I can do. I know that this next year I won't have the same word count, probably not even close.

I'm focusing a lot on drawing now as well as writing, plus I'm working on my first novel that I'd like to publish so things will definitely be slowing down. I'm going to continue writing, but the speed at which I churn out fics will be slower in the future.

In Conclusion

Thank you all for the support throughout this year. There's no way in HELL I would've had the drive and desire to continue writing if not for the amazing community (most the Oscar Isaac community lol) behind me. It's not just the kudos and the reblogs, it's the people who I've grown to know since joining the world of fandom.

I never had a ton of IRL friends, and I live alone (happily btw) with my dog. Being able to make some friends here that I genuinely call friends, not just people I know online, has meant the world to me. I would list everyone out, but I have a fear of accidentally forgetting to tag someone despite how much they mean to me so I'll leave it at...those people know who they are.

And to my readers (I hesitate to use the word "fans", that makes it sound so conceited), thank you to the moon and back. Without out, I wouldn't have had the drive to keep going. Kudos, Likes and Reblogs aren't everything, I can't stress that enough, but they do help keep the drive alive. (Particularly the comments). Without the little boost of excitement I get when I see that other people are just excited about what I'm doing as I am, I probably would've given up ages ago.

You all are the reason that this was even possible.

With all that being said, I have a small celebration planned that I'll announce later tonight. In the mean time, stay amazing. You keep supporting me, and I'll keep providing the fics that you all love so much

Love, Melly

[syscourse-confessions]

Syscourse replies encouraged... i cant type the emoji LOL

Some people say that non-traumagenic plurals are hurting traumagenic people. Naming names is bad. You've seen people say that, though, obviously. If you are invested in syscourse to any degree, you've probably seen people say that doctors have denied them diagnoses or treatment because DID and OSDD have become "trendy" and they think it's too common, so they won't diagnose anyone with it.

Listen to me closely. For context, I tried to get diagnosed with DID since I was 11 years old. Symptoms start showing up before that, it's perfectly reasonable for me to be self-aware since that diagnosis would've been the only proof I have that I was ever traumatised (other than the proof in my memories obviously). I tried getting diagnosed LONG before TikTok OR Musically existed, AND ALSO BEFORE VINE DIED, and let's be honest, TikTok is where those doctors found out about them. (I say "doctors" because both therapists and psychiatrists can technically diagnose you, even if it's usually more commonly done by therapists who specialise in trauma.)

They will find ANY reason not to diagnose you. My abusers were awful in front of the doctors. I had memories of trauma. I was told once that since I didn't know what the word dissociation meant (since I was 12 and my psychiatrist called it MPD for some reason) that I didn't dissociate. Yep! You don't have the language, so your problem doesn't exist! That's how far doctors are willing to go thanks to the stigma ALREADY EXISTING around plurality and systemhood. I had a therapist who asked me if I had homocidal urges in response to me saying I suspect that I have DID. I had a therapist call them characters and say she wouldn't diagnose me because I had nonhuman alters. I had a therapist (I've gone through a lot of them as you can see) tell me that since I can't remember specific details about my trauma (I was molested frequently as a toddler) then it didn't happen and therefore I don't have it. I was told I don't have it because the alters have different accents!! Some alters have southern accents (I grew up in Florida but then moved to Cali) and others have northern ones, one even has a new york-ish accent that i don't know the technical name of, and they were like. this very common thing you have is the reason i don't think you have it :) awful

THEY WILL REFUSE TO DIAGNOSE YOU FOR ANY REASON. NON-TRAUMAGENIC SYSTEMS ARE NOT TO BLAME.THE SYSTEM OF S O C I E T Y IS

(haha like my pun?)

thank u for reading. sorry for yelling at the end there

also it's worth mentioning that earlier this year I did get diagnosed, finally. I figured out that I need to ask our insurance provider for specifically therapists who are trauma specialists, and then the one I found was like "im not qualified enough for this woops" and referred me to an even better trauma specialist who specifically knew about dissociative disorders. so yeah try that i guess LOL. I have every symptom, it turns out. I'm a textbook case. Doctors just suck.

📬- Syscourse replies encouraged

[gregorycasket]

Hello.

It's been a long time no see, hasn't it. This is going to be a long one, and I apologize in advance, but I want to try and get everything I can out there.

If you were active in the VT fandom at any point from 2017 to 2020, then you may remember me. If not, that's okay. I used to run an account under this URL when I was 14, it was just a general VT blog, and I was friends with a pretty popular blogger in the space... We are not friends anymore. I deactivated the account sometime in 2017 as my interest in VT was waning, only to come back in early 2018 I want to say with the URL "gregorycask3t" (as the original had been snatched up by a bot. obviously that bot is gone now, considering I have it again.)

The exact details are fuzzy, that time in my life was particularly rough and naturally my brain's blocked a lot of it out. I do remember being victim to a particularly nasty harassment campaign. I don't even remember how it started, just that it happened. The reason for the campaign, to my knowledge, was in regards to an AU I had been working on for the better half of three years at that point in time, that featured some heavier topics and changed character ages and relations and what not. I made sure that my stuff had an easily filterable tag, and I made sure to tag anything potentially triggering accordingly... but it seems like my AU just existing and me talking about it was enough to set people off. I got told repeatedly to "just make OCs" but my attachment to VT as its source was far too strong at the time for me to do so.

My own personal attachment to the AU, which I started developing to help me cope with the absolutely insane amount of trauma I'd been through between the ages of 12 and 14, made the sudden vitriol being thrown my way all the more painful. An attack on the AU felt like an attack on me due to how grossly intertwined I was with it. It was my coping mechanism, it was my biggest special interest, it was the only thing I had that I could say was certifiably mine and that no one could ever take away from me after I had lost everything.

I don't know who exactly was responsible nor do I remember if anyone involved came forward off of anon or not. I do know that at least one person behind it was an adult at the time, and I only know this because someone I would befriend after the fact informed me, having witnessed three people saying some negative things about me in a discord server. That someone, btw, is now my wife. We've been married for a year. I don't know who, and she hasn't specified because frankly, idk if she remembers who exactly it all was either. Just that one of them was an adult. Need I remind you that I was 14 at the time.

I have still not received an apology from ant party involved, anonymous or not.

Harassment aside, Gregorycask3t was an askblog. whether it started as an askblog or became one, I don't remember. After Gregorycask3t kind of took off more than I expected it to, I made a separate blog under the name "doesjohnnyghostisgay" wherein I would post out-of-character stuff for VT, and talk more at length about my AU and my interpretations of the characters. I would also frequently post other people's headcanons in the form of anonymous asks... which leads right into the second issue: The NSFW.

This was all prior to Tumblr's porn ban, and I, stupidly, had agreed to take NSFW headcanons and post them. They were tagged, of course, but that doesn't change the fact that I, a minor, was near consistently posting written pornographic content for other minors in my following to see. Being 14-15 at the time, I had no way to exactly verify who these anonymous asks were coming from. I do remember someone reaching out to send me a NSFW fic over DMs that they'd written for wattpad, but they had no age listed on their account anywhere. I can only hope that they were a dumb teenager like me, and not an adult knowingly interacting with a 14-15 year old in sexual contexts.

I acted incredibly blasé about me posting nsfw, brushing off the concerns of my friends and strangers at the time that I could end up in danger doing that shit. And for that, I sincerely apologize. I was stupid, and I wasn't thinking clearly, and though I didn't know it at the time, my nonchalance and belief that what I was posting was just run-of-the-mill fun was a direct result of me having been groomed when I was 11 and also being groomed at the time of the posting by one of the people I was dating. I had to re-learn a lot of boundaries and what is and isn't okay to share and post about, because it was all just normal to me. I'm not attempting to hand-wave my actions, merely providing a context as to why they happened. Me being a minor at the time myself is no excuse, and considering most of my sexual abuse comes from COCSA, it'd be hypocritical of me to pretend that I didn't cause any potential harm. I am incredibly sorry, and I have seen to it that it has not, and will not, happen again.

While I'm clearing things up and apologizing, I'd also like to clarify some things regarding my friendship with a user named "r*ntless" (censored for safety, I have no desire to ever be in contact with him ever again, negative or otherwise.) I'm going to preface this by saying that I do not remember a majority of the conversations I had with R, most of them being repressed or lost entirely. As such, I may not provide context or answers for a few things, or I may just get some information wrong. Take everything I say with a grain of salt, but know that my feelings on him currently are very, very real, even if my recollection is faulty.

R had DM'd me out of the blue one day on doesjohnnyghostisgay and began talking VT with me. I had actually had R blocked on my main, cause I saw him perpetuating the rumor that T/homas S/anders was a pedophile in the notes of another post, a smear campaign started by ace exclusionists who were upset about him accepting asexuals as members of the LGBT+ community. Should go without saying, R was a massive fucking aphobe, but he kept that hidden from me very well. Because Tumblr is a broken website, he was still able to DM my sideblog directly and because he had presented himself as friendly and approachable, I figured I had made the wrong call or something and unblocked him from my main to avoid any future conflict. I remember we used to talk often, and I divulged some personal stuff to him.

I had been chased out of another community prior. I'm not going to go into the details, but to act like I was an angel who didn't do anything wrong would be incorrect. I was a massive dickhead, I hurt people, and I perpetuated beliefs that I honestly have no idea why I did, I didn't believe in them then and I certainly don't believe in them now. I was also, y'know, 14, and processing a fuck ton of trauma, and not coping with suddenly having stability for the first time after a near year and a half of instability very well, and I was also fully processing for the first time that my mom was abusive.

I was left alone and scared after getting chased out for committing yet another stupid thoughtless action, having people stalk my main acc and wait for me to slip up again. I was isolated, and felt I had no one to turn to because the people around me irl sucked, and the people online wanted me gone, I felt like everyone hated me. R reassured me that I didn't deserve that, and that he'd been through something similar within the VT community itself, though he conveniently left out a lot of details. He reassured me that he accepted me, and I clung to that. He gave me support and I desperately needed it.

The rest of our interactions are largely fuzzy, but I do recall venting to my friend (now wife) that it felt like he was getting really cold and distant with me. After deliberating on it for a while, I finally decided to block him. I can't tell you how much weight left my shoulders the moment I blocked him. I felt free, not constantly worrying about if I was gonna say the wrong thing or reblog the wrong post and have him passive aggressively interrogate me about it in our DMs.

I wouldn't actually find out the extent of what he had done to become such a controversial figure in the VT community until just last year.

Needless to say, I fucking hate r*ntless. I hate that I was ever friends with him, I hate that I was so easily taken advantage of by him, and I never want to see or hear from or about him ever again.

Moving off the topic of owning up for things, throughout running doesjohnnyghostisgay, of which I had changed the URL to i'd still get the occasional hate anon shitting on my AU. This motivated me to continue working on it out of spite, even after I had began having second thoughts maintaining it. I began conversing with a good friend (who was best man at my wedding) @overthinkingtaleblr, and realized through learning about 'canon' VT stuff through them that my attachment to the AU was long dead. I didn't need it anymore. I was still in a bad place at the time, don't get me wrong, but clinging to it wasn't helping me at all. So I let it go. I changed my URL at some point to "venturiantale-au" / "venturiantale-aus" (I can't recall exactly.) and then later to "enbyspooker."

I don't... remember when, how, or why I deactivated enbyspooker. Could've been waning interest, could've been a spur of the moment impulse. I just know that it was there one day and then wasn't. I made attempts to get back into VT after the Frye brothers were exposed and fans had rebranded to taleblr, but I could never find my niche. I do believe I've found one now, working on my own universe of these characters again... this time without the emotional baggage and trauma attached. It's just a story. Thought that doesn't mean it won't get dark at a few places, but so did VT, didn't it?

I won't lie, when I saw everyone rebranding to taleblr and rejoicing about canon being dead and being able to do whatever they want with these characters now, I felt a quite bitter. I still feel bitter. Feels stupid still being upset about something that went down when I was 14, especially now that I'm 21 and married, but it was traumatizing and it fucked me up and it led me to doing things that made it worse. Of course I'm going to be bitter that potentially same people who bullied me over an AU were now rejoicing that canon was dead, and that I was probably going to get bullied again if I ever came back with anything new.

... But I am willing to try again. I won't be too active, as this is just a fun side project and not something I have a special interest in. I'm more of a tag lurker than anything, but that may change down the line if I get more comfortable. I don't expect anyone to forgive me for anything, you don't have to. Block me if you must, it's okay. I'm a big believer in curating your online space, do whatever you need to do to feel comfortable, okay?

... idk. I'm probably making a big thing out of old news.

Anyways, I should re-introduce myself.

Hi, my name is Kenning. I'm 21 years old, and I use he/it pronouns. My favorite characters are the Acachalla Thatchery family, who my story focuses on. My specific interpretations of these characters are my OCs, but due to the collaborative nature of taleblr, I will be tagging them as such and with their canon-counterpart names for reach.

Enjoy your stay.

[bardicbeetle]

hey. Hey. You got any analysis of the Lost Boys or thoughts on the movie to share? who's your favorite character in it and why??

@abalonetea

Analysis on the movie I've been many levels of obsessed with since age 14 you ask?

...this is going to end up undercut for length I can already feel it.

The Lost Boys is my comfort movie, my I-feel-like-shit-nothing-is-fixing-it movie, my I-can't-write-please-help movie and my go-to for when I am inflicting media upon a new friend. I know it backwards forwards, upside down and inside out, I own the out of print novelization written by Craig Shaw Gardener, I posted the original prequel script to fanfiction.net in the early 2010s because I found it buried in a forum post and wanted it to be easier to find, I have listened to every version of cry little sister that G Tom Mac has ever put out in addition to the entire stage musical he produced. The fic I wrote for it in 2011 is still on Wattpad and to this day for some fuck ass reason gets 1000s of hits per year. I have another fic for it on ao3 that still takes up brainspace for me on a minimum weekly basis.

I.

Honestly do not know who I am as a writer if not for this film.

It is such a huge part of who I am as both a fan of media and a vampire writer and as a horror enjoyer in general.

And it is undeniably, baked into its bones, queer as fuck.

Not just from the overt point of here is a film in the 1980s about men sharing blood, directed by an openly gay man, hands us platonic and familial and romantic interactions between male characters, who are allowed to hold one another, allowed to express emotion, allowed to exist freely and without shame I am--so very abnormal about this movie.

I'll be the first to admit it's not perfect by any means, it very much exists a time capsule of its era, but also, to momentarily put the bar on the floor, it isn't slur laden and full of take-backs for any of the emotional vulnerability like other things around then were (see: Once Bitten, which while unarguably very much more on the comedy side of horror-comedy, i'm going to put into the same category by virtue of Camp Vampire Movies of the 80s).

It hands us one of my favorite mothers of all time. Lucy Emerson is a treasure, she spends the whole movie trying her goddamn best to remember that she is stronger than anyone gives her credit for. That she chose to divorce an abusive man, pick up her two sons, and leave without more than signing the papers and getting out. She doesn't care if they're poor, she doesn't care if she could have gotten something from her ex-husband, she wants her boys safe and there is a very large implication that sticking around to do the whole song and dance would have ended badly. Lucy lives for her sons, she wants so badly to make the world easier for them than it was for her, she wants to be part of their lives and part of their interests even if she does not understand them, and I maintain that Had Max Actually Succeeded, it would not have been long before the Lost Boys themselves were Lucy's as much as her own two sons, and that would not have ended well for Max. Protecting mother, lioness, made to be underestimated so you are always caught off guard.

Edgar and Alan Frog are near and dear to my heart, these idiot vampire hunter children were just so very much what my brother and I were in terms of Making Up Games To Play--ignoring the fact that for these two it's real, not that it ever had been before the Emerson family rolled into town and Sam's brother got mixed into the Lost Boys group. Edgar wanting to be in charge of things and wanting to protect the people he cares about and the town he is too stubborn to admit he loves despite being what, 12? 14? Alan being quieter but just as absolutely ready to go "yeah we are totally experts at this" as his twin, the fact that neither of them have any idea what they are getting into. Dipping barely into the sequels territory (which...they aren't good. by any definition. but Edgar and Alan are the best part of them both) we get Edgar dealing not only with his perceived loss of Alan to half-vampirism, but his whole loss of Sam after having to kill him and I just.

Ugh.

NOW, dipping into the main event there is Michael, who spends this whole movie just trying to figure out where the hell he's supposed to belong at this point. He doesn't see any point in starting a new high school in his senior year, he doesn't want to upset his mother by just absolutely dropping off the planet, he cares deeply about his family and wants to help however he can because they are struggling for money. So what does this seventeen year old kid do? He starts picking trash up off the beach for eight hours a day. He gives that money to his mother under the guise of it being "leftover from christmas" because he doesn't want her to worry about him working. He feels so fucking lonely without the friends he left behind in Phoenix and he feels like he's too old to supplant himself into a new friend group in Santa Carla before everyone goes their separate ways after high school anyways.

Enter Star and the Lost Boys.

Yes, Michael is taken in by Star because she's beautiful and mysterious and he's a teenage boy seeing nipples through a tank top, but beyond that he sees in her, in David and the others, how self sure they all are of the decisions they've made. This group is all within his age, they're all living in a goddamn sunken hotel half claimed by the ocean, they have motorcycles like him, they smoke weed and eat chinese food and Marko keeps pigeons and Dwayne can skateboard and Paul is a music nerd and what the fuck how do they manage to seem like they have their lives more together as a group of teenage runaways than he does?

He's enamored with it, obsessed with it, the movie speeds up a timeline of something that does in fact happen over the course of a couple weeks, of him hanging out with them, slowly experiencing more and more symptoms of vampirism from the blood he drank the first night, unable to stop coming back, unable to really figure out what it is they have figured out that he doesn't, and hoping that maybe if he stays with them he will eventually feel the same confidence in his own existence that they do.

But couple that with the horrifying reality that he is becoming a monster. His younger brother is terrified of him, the family dog bites him, the horses won't go near him, he pulls a mouse out of a trap freshly dead and squeezes it like a spent juice box into his mouth, he is falling apart at the seams by the time David decides it's time to finish things. And that's what David wants, he wants Michael in a position where he is no longer lucid enough to resist once there's blood in the air.

And it almost fucking works.

I stand by my belief that the entire movie hinges on the beach party where the Lost Boys kill a whole bunch of Surf Nazis. The whole thing, the outcome of the final fight, the failure of Max's plan, all of it hangs on that one night, and whether or not Michael can actually manage not to give into the bloodlust. He does manage, obviously, he leans into the shock and fear and near throws himself out of that tree because he knows that if he doesn't, he will join the blood bath happening not ten feet away. He is starving and exhausted and everything in him is screaming that if he just gave in, it would all feel so much better.

But he doesn't.

He lays in the sand until he cannot hear any heartbeats left.

Lays there clawing his hands into the ground like if he can hold himself still enough then maybe this will stop being real.

Three of the four boys don't pay much mind to this, Dwayne Paul and Marko have slipped back into regular antics despite being coated red. Their faces have returned to normal, their eyes no longer brilliant gold rimmed red, they are laughing and shoving and having a good time.

But David is furious. He's quiet about it, he isn't loudly angry, something I think he probably absorbed from Max over the years, he tells Michael what needs to be done if he wants to stay with them, and then he and the other Lost Boys leave him there in the sand, burnt flesh and ashes drifting down to him on the breeze.

The thing about David is that he realized the night on the train bridge that he didn't care about Max's bullshit plan. He didn't care that he was originally going to feed Michael to Star. He is fixated on getting Michael to join them, not just for himself, not just to keep Star around, but also because there's a refusal to give up in this kid that has him excited, a stubbornness that he wants to break. It's the thing that eventually leads to his death.

ANYWAYS.

I think, perhaps, I have yelled enough.

Oh, shit, favorite character.

I think without any doubt it has to be David. Especially after reading the novelization, the comics, the original prequel script, he's just, he is such an interesting character and his motivations are so obvious despite how much he would appear to hold them close to his chest. He's a root character I can trace a lot of the tropes that carry over in my own antagonists to, and some of my protagonists as well.

double anyways, camp vampires from 1987 my beloved.

Thank you Katie <3

[echoingalaxies]

Hmm... Tell me about an OC who is unexpectedly selfish! If that doesn't fit anyone, how about sharing your very first whumpee?

Ahh that's a tough question. Made me realise I seem to make all my chacacters quite selfless, often to a fault. I can't think of too much to tell about anyone like that, not in a way that would really answer the question.

So I'll go with the first whumpee (that I remember), because I've actually been thinking about this recently! I was about 12 when I thought of her (or the two of them, you'll see).

And this got long, sorry! I just don't know how to tell about her or the whumping she experienced without context.

(content warning for kidnapping, death, mind control, lady whump)

Her name was Nova (which I thought was a really unique and rare character name at the time lol) and she lived in a small city in some kingdom. Magic existed in the kingdom, but most people possessing any powers had been killed, and as soon as the villains would find out about someone having powers, they'd hunt them down too.

Nova was born with some kind of powers, she got them through her bloodline, and everyone in the city tried to protect her and hide her powers, but one time she was wandering in a forest with her best friend Alex, who had to leave Nova for a minute for some reason and during that moment someone had taken Nova was was nowhere to be found, and everyone assumed she was dead.

Years later the villains would systematically go around the kingdom and burn down cities similar to Nova and Alex's (why? I don't know) leaving very little survivors. They leave behind total destruction, as if they had some advanced weapon, but nobody can really tell what it is.

They eventually did the same to their city and Alex had been gone somewhere during this time, so she survived, but got captured as she was trying to run away to seek safety in the capital of the kingdom. In the villains' camp she finds Nova, who doesn't seem to pay attention to her or recognise her (or at the very least care). But at night Nova comes to her cell and frees her, and they run away together.

Turns out villains had some sort of magic of their own, and they were using mind control on Nova to make her do as they say, and using Nova's greater powers as their weapon they'd go on their killing sprees. Seeing Alex for the first time after being taken had given Nova something to fight for and she'd managed to fight off the control for a moment, enough to save Alex and begin their escape. As they get far enough, their control over Nova's mind eases and she experiences the first proper clarity in years. Together they make their way towards the capital, trying to avoid the villains who don't waste time coming after them. And obviously they get in tough situations and get hurt a lot on their way <3

12-year-old me had a blast imagining this in bed every night for months or even years.

[justsomecookie]

I'm writing a story, but before I publish it I wanna see what you guys think, tell me how it looks please :3

TWs: Death, reanimation, identity issues, [I'm not good at listing TWs sorry]

Living Corpse

I Got Better.

Light. Darkness. Pain. Sleep. I'm trying to remember what just happened, but it's blurry right now. Where am I? I close my eyes again and try to recall the last thing I remember.

Car. I was sitting in the car, we were driving somewhere. I was messaging my boyfriend, or playing games I think. My mom was driving, but we didn't have anything to talk about.

I remember thinking about myself. Who I was. Do I remember who I am? Of course I do. I'm Alex. I'm 15 and happily taken, temporarily long distance. I'm genderfluid and gay, I have friends.

There was something else that I remember... A crash? Broken glass? It feels so blurry, I think... I think I’d rather not think about it right now.

I open my eyes again. Dim LED lights. White walls, maybe a bit dirty. 10 beds. I'm on one of them. People are on the others, covered with blankets like they're...

I wasn't always this pale.

3 years later

"Morning, mom," I greet. My mom's not a terrible person, she cares about her children a lot. She's also hurt us a lot, and I've tried forgiving her, but if she's not willing to accept she's done something wrong then I don't think I can.

"Good morning, Alex," she replied. "I didn't think I'd see you up again so early. It's not even 12 yet, haha."

"Well I actually went to bed on time, I slept like a... like a baby." What's wrong with me? It's been years, yet I still... 'I slept like a corpse.

I'm not 100% sure if I still need to eat, but I do anyways. Honestly, I'm scared of... myself. It'll be fine if I pretend everything's the same though, I don't even need to tell my friends.

I'll heat up some pizza rolls, counting by threes to make sure I have 12 on there, like it says to have on the package. Three, three, three, three.

I'm not sure how to describe it, but everything's off. As if it's dull, yet full flavor. All my senses are like that, and it doesn't make sense. I eat anyways.

I tug on my hoodie strings. Today's going to be one of those days I suppose. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life. I feel unable to move on, unable to continue.

I'm not going to dump it all on my boyfriend, I feel like my family wants to cover it up, and my friends don't need to know. And my... 'condition...' is so rare it's impossible to find anyone else to relate too.

All I can think of to do right now is watch my comfort Let's Player. His videos are different. They're not over the top, exaggerated, faked, and they're really comfortable. And he's showed me the best horror I've seen.

Like him, it's not over the top, not even "this scary monster is coming after you." It's a mod of a popular building game. It changes the things you build, it builds its own things, it sometimes shows up and scares you, but it doesn't rely on cheap jumpscares, it relies on driving you insane.

Sometimes, insanity is very difficult to imagine. Other times, I wonder how similiar it is to a 'normal' mind.

-----

As I lie awake at night, my thoughts wander aimlessly. I think about everything that's changed since then. I don't dream. I'm not sure if I need to eat or sleep, or if I even age. My hair is lighter but it's dyed anyways. I'm pale and cold. I have scars and markings from broken glass impaling my stomach, from my legs being crushed under a dislodged car seat. I can't feel pain down there but I can anywhere else.

Some nights, I'm so cold. I feel so alone. So empty. Nobody else, not a single soul, knows what it's like to live on the veil of life and death. Not quite dead, not quite living, but for sure I'm still existing.

Can I ever cross the barrier? To either side, I barely care anymore. Maybe I'll start poetry. What's good symbolism for death? I feel like a skull would be too on-the-nose, maybe a raven?

I drift off to sleep.

-----

The raven calls my name

The one I taught it to speak

Yet I don't respond

I'm far too weak

[everyonewooeverywhere]

💖❌️💋

💖 - what made you start writing?

i’ve been writing for as long as i can remember. i started writing fanfiction in seventh grade, so like 12 years old 💀. i still have a lot of it. i posted periodically on wattpad for a bit, but the majority of it stayed in the drafts. they were mostly haikyuu and aot fics. but it’s been so long i don’t really know why i started writing.

as for why i started writing here though, it’s a little random. but i was in the middle of writing “assert your dominance” with no real plan to post it (this blog existed but i was only reblogging stuff). but then @hwaslayer followed me back after i’d reblogged a chapter of pmylm (she knows how much i love her, but y’all need to know, too 💗). so i just kinda said “fuck it” i have a single follower. i might as well post something. now here we are 😌

❌ - what tropes will you not write?

fucking fake dating. absolutely no shade to anyone who likes or writes the trope. but if you ever see me post something with the fake dating trope, someone took my account because that is not me. it infuriates me beyond belief you have no idea.

💋 - first kiss fics. love them or hate them?

i love reading them! i think they can be super cute. i don’t really write them though because most of the time when i write something on the fluffier side it’s an established relationship.

[bullet-prooflove]

Taylor Swift - Mixed Tape Prompt List

A collection of prompts from the Taylor Swift songs I love.

Pick one of the chars from my ASK list and pop an ASK in the ASK box!

1)      I can see you standing, honey with his arms around your body

2)      Make sure nobody sees you leave

3)      Wanna see what's under that attitude

4)      We were in the backseat

5)      Cross your heart, won't tell no other

6)      No one has to know what we do

7)      That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

8)      'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you

9)      Wishing I stayed

10)   His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room

11)   you won't have to cry

12)   I've been breakin' hearts a long time

13)   If you ever walk away

14)   Fuck you

15)   hide in the closet

16)   Nothing lasts forever

17)   Champagne

18)   staring out at the midnight sea

19)   Go there every night

20)   The darkest little paradise

21)   Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours

22)   Slept next to her, but I dreamt of you

23)   Now I'm feeling hopeless

24)   You need to just stop

25)   when we've had our very last kiss

26)   You are somebody that I don't know

27)   Tangled up with you all night

28)   I still got love for you

29)   scream ferociously

30)   Tell yourself you can always stop

31)   I think it's 'cause of me

32)   this is gonna take me down

33)   I still got love for you

34)   Love you to the moon and to Saturn

35)   You need to calm down

36)   I can see the end as it begins

37)   I think you should come live with Me

38)   Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar

39)   You know I adore you

40)   Sunshine on the street 

41)   She's gone too far this time

42)   For you, I would cross the line

43)   must've taken all night

44)   I'd beg you on my knees to stay

45)   Clandestine meetings and longing stares

46)   Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all

47)   Sat on the roof, you and I

48)   Say you'll remember me

49)   When you can't sleep at night

50)   Walk me back to that apartment

51)   I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

52)   Ran for my life

53)   You hold my hand on the street

54)   And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

55)   No one likes a mad woman

56)   in your wildest dreams

57)   And it's okay if you're mad

58)   It's like I couldn't breathe

59)   Red lips and rosy cheeks

60)   And it took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it

61)   You made her like that

62)   You heard the rumors

63)   Cursing my name

64)   You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

65)   I think I've seen this film before and I didn't like the ending

66)   It's been a long time coming

67)   Doing your dirtiest work for you

68)   Leave the perfume on the shelf that you picked out just for him

69)   You can't believe a word she says

70)   What am I defending?

71)   It's you and me

72)   Rolling fake dice

73)   You turned into your worst fears

74)    Leave no trace behind

75)   You used to tell me I was brave

76)   And that's the thing about illicit affairs

77)   She’s a bad, bad girl.

78)   Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

79)   The worst thing that I ever dis was what I did to you

80)   Doing your dirtiest work for you

81)   I know I miss you

82)   I'm so sick of running as fast as I can

83)   For you, I would ruin myself

84)   Like you don't even exist

85)   I think you should come home

86)   The only thing I wanna do is make it up to you

87)  Knuckles bloody for me

88)  When you say I seem angry

89)  You know I can't see with anyone else

90)  Kissin' in my car

91)  Drunk on this pain

92)  There's nothing like this

93)  They'd say I played the field before I found someone to commit to

94)   I know where it all went wrong

95)   He's just your understudy

96)   Your favorite song was playing

97)   You took everything from me

98)    I don't want you to (go)

99)   nowhere to be found

100) Battered and bruising

101) Second, third, and hundredth chances

102) She should be mad

103)  Darling, I'm scared

104)  I don't really wanna

105) You are the only one who seems to care

106)  I saw you dance with him

107)  Add insult to injury

108)  Tossing out blame

109)  A figment of my worst intentions

110)  Good wives always know

111)  I'm not your problem anymore

112) We always walked a very thin line

113)  You didn't even hear me out

114)  You never gave a warning sign

[zenkor123]

Journal of Peeta Mellark-Taming of the mutt

October 3rd 75 ADD

who is the mutt? Is it totally foreign to me? I engage I deep conversations and see that the mutt isn't hate but searing pain itbwants to kill katniss so the pain will go away. It is wild, Tracker jacker blue, has horns, and a multitude of wounds, like an undead, it is leaking Jacker venom from its finger nails. I try to reach it and it says it did everything it did to keep me safe and roars. I hug it and it merges into me. As it melts into me many memories emerge and I realize that the capital beat me to the ruins of Peeta, it gutted them leaving only fear, determination, it's a shell. I am desperate for any part of Peeta so I need it with me. After the shiny memories pass unshiny memories emerge that of talking back to my mother, memories of my mother emerge and a hatred and desire to kill her hidden in me feels old. I also beat the crap out of a bully in elementary school. He went to the hospital, could not go to school for 2 months. His name was Phineas something. It was when I was 12? I once almost killed Myrna when she was about to burn me with metal tongs. I am afraid of spiders. I burned myself on the stove and my mom told me I was an Idiot. I am afraid of enclosed spaces. It has a fea memories associated with fear, and pain. The hijacking targeted fear and so my fear, became the mutt. It is more aniimalistic The most painful memories were accesed It emerges that this side of me had been denied all my life and had been abused by the capital. It is my inner demon. It also shows determination to survive but feels a more abstract injury that my spirit was taken from me, this pain existed long before I was hijacked. It felt forced to conform to survive to wear many masks. I have had to beg for food, lie convincingly, Myrna even made me bash myself for food. I want people to like me, I have sacrificed too much for that end. I felt Katniss said something about being a peice in games and I sort of remember a very shiny and gutted memory. I decide to fulfill it rather then have it be manipulated by anyone else, what if I didn't play by the rules for once? But I must face the facts I choked Katniss and I alone. The modification was specific it was the face of my transformation but it was not the actor, the venom had clear physical effects on my body, the impact on my memory was not natural. However in my mind It appears not like it appeared before everything but with loads of Tracker jacker stings, and slightly purple from the venom, it was twisted and it too lost large amounts of memories turned into but a machine mutated by the capital. But I wasn't as nice a person as everyone says I was. Though I saw my nice side die, it was real but it wasn't all that was there. By making peace with my monster I now remember more of my mother then I do my father. I also felt guilt for this monsters presence when I was Peeta but fusing with the monster removes something off my chest even with my memories fragmented. When I was mutated it erased as much of even my monster but forgiving it made the material that the mutts was made out of betray the capital it no longer had any of Peeta to sustain it, but it is still a mutation it is just my mutation, a tormented feral mutation, I am a mutation and what features it has became my own. My nightmares are now more frequent they are no longer of “only losing her” but it is worth it. its the only side of Peeta willing to give itself to me . A weird effect is I got a paper cut and felt nothing. I am desensitized to pain. As Myrna Mellark the witch said, “Mellarks never give up." I clearly am stubborn, capable of taking great pain, I trust nobody, deep down I am a rebel. I am ashamed at my timid nature and having to debase myself for those with power over me. I can work with this.

Katniss has many thoughts on what she just read and ponders

Katniss thinks about how Peeta once viewed her as a source of safety and hope and feels self hatred for not being able to protect Peeta, she hears Morphling Peeta in her head say as he did to Haymitch “only I can protect me”. She tries to remember who Phineus is. Phineus Chance was the tribute for the 70th hunger games he was reaped right after he left the hospital. He was known to be the neighborhood bully and he was from the seam a descendent of rebels from the Dark days. He got 7th place in the games before being killed by the game makers fireball. Katniss remembered playing with Phineus as children. It was never revealed how he got those injuries but Katniss never imagined that it was Peeta that caused those injuries. Katniss also remembers what the doctors told her about the parts of Peeta’s amygdala swelling from the effects of Jacker venom after being suffocated. Katniss also remembers Peeta killing a spider in school when he was 13, she remembers Peeta freaking out about Spiders when Peeta rested with Katniss after she was injured by the fence. Katniss always hated the witch and thinks that Myrna is an appropriate name for her. With The description of Peeta’s demon as blue Katniss wonders if Peeta really did appear blue during his hijacking. After Peeta killed the tracker jacker nests in 13 he returned with a blueish tinge that lasted for 2 days. Katniss also recalls that after she killed Glimmer her warts sometimes appeared a light faint blue. Finally she rages at Delly, it was Delly who convinced Peeta that it was over, that he would never be Peeta, again, to give up, even if Katniss believed Peeta lost, that before Peeta made an effort not to scavenge his ruins for useful material but to rebuild as himself, had given her comfort at the time even if she didn’t realize it. Because of Delly leaving Peeta, Peeta began talking about himself in the 3rd person, told Gale that “the rescue came too late for Peeta.” Boggs that “Peeta got what he deserved.” Peeta had no self to build off of, only scavenge for useful materials. She would never forgive Delly for this, Katniss imagined what it would be like after her memories destroyed, thinking her past belonged to a person who died, with the present belonging to a shell left with the scraps.

[muthaz-rapapa]

The signs were there going far back as vol 3, ch 13 but where I really think the idea of Kaito wishing to leave Akiho in the care of the Kinomoto family cemented in my head...was vol 9, ch 40 when he attended class visitation day. He had two aims when he went.

One, in hopes that Sakura would generate the card he needed.

Two, to see what kind of person Fujitaka was.

I've always thought he wanted to make sure the only parental member of Sakura's family was someone he could entrust Akiho, his most important person, to. And that night when Akiho told him about her day, his comment about Fujitaka was indicative that Sakura's father had his approval.

And that was confirmed as of ch 70 with the success of the exchange and Kaito rewriting everyone's memories to make it appear that Akiho was born to the Kinomoto family.

But there was also vol 12, ch 55 where he stopped time when Sakura turned her attention away from him. Nobody could hear him but he started talking about how Akiho was so happy with her new friends, her new life here in Tomoeda.

And that, too, was indicative of the intention he harbored all along.

"She's happy here with you (Sakura and co). As long as she's happy, it will be fine. Even if I'm not here anymore, I know you (Sakura and co) will be able to take good care of her in my place."

Finally, vol 12, ch 58. When Akiho stood up to Kaito about him not wishing for her to worry about anything but herself.

"I want you to think of yourself foremost. More than anything, more than anyone."

He's basically saying "Please choose the happiness you can have with that family (the Kinomotos). Please forget about me. When this is over, you can have a normal life, the life you truly deserve, away from all these dangers of magic."

Kaito really believed that if everything went according to plan, Akiho would naturally choose to keep this reality he rewrote for her.

However, it is a very fragile world. In his haste to transfer the book inside Akiho over to himself and throw the European magicians' off her trail, he left many loose threads that will undo his (admittedly very sloppy) handiwork.

Namely, the pocket watch he had exchanged that is now in Akiho's possession.

Everybody knows she's going to question where this watch came from and then eventually realize who it belonged to, who that person was to her, how important that person was to her and ultimately, lead her to find a way to get him back.

But also, Akiho has not been presented with the "choice" yet that Kaito said was hers. She has not voiced her decision regarding how she wants to live her life yet.

And that's what's going to happen after she remembers Kaito.

Because one very important thing to keep in mind is that only the memories were written with the power of Momo's book, not people's lives. You may be able to mess with people's heads, make them believe something, but you can't mess the records that are already established.

And the mind has been shown to be capable of many extraordinary things, including outright defying magic, so remembering what truly happened is definitely not impossible either.

Akiho being a member of the Kinomoto family and Sakura's twin is indeed false information in a similar way that Yukito's grandparents never existed.

Like the veil Kaito put over the two "Alice"s' eyes in Clockland, it is a superficial spell that won't completely block them from seeing the truth. Akiho has lifted that veil before, with her own hands, without any assistance and remembered him. She will do it again. This "dream" she's living in now (as someone else's twin) is just a thought in the brain. It's not the actual reality she lived.

What was real for Yukito was the time he spent with Touya and Sakura. Those events actually took place and cannot be erased from his identity as Yukito.

The same goes for Akiho. All those years, those times, those moments she spent with Kaito and Momo, those were real.

Not this fabricated life where she was inserted as Sakura's fake twin.

There is nothing substantial about this existence. Because it has never been real and therefore, has never been a part of the real Akiho.

And what the real Akiho wants most, to think of most, is Kaito. Always him.

The person she loves most. The person most important to her.

He told her not to think of him, essentially to forget him and live a (false) happy life.

But she's not going to do that. She'll keep thinking and thinking and thinking about who's missing in her life until she gets him back. She'll keep saying:

"This is wrong! This isn't what I want! None of this is as I remembered! This isn't the real me! I want the real me! I want the only person who knows the real me!"

The false reality that Kaito weaved will be torn apart and returned to normal.

Time will rewind to before he was consumed by the book.

And he will be saved from his fate and rewarded for his efforts to save Akiho with everything he deserves. To be together with the person he loves most.

Akiho's love saved him and will continue to save him. It was always meant to be that way.

[tragicclownwrites]

im curious, when did you first get interested in squidbob?

Ooh, my first ask 🤗 and what a great question to start with!

It's honestly such a weird story lmao but the short version is that I didn't find SquidBob. SquidBob found me. 🧽🐙

As for the long version, answering/rambling below the cut!

I think it happened just under a year ago or so? It was definitely sometime in late 2022/early 2023. Before then, I wasn't even remotely in the fandom and was more or less part of the group who had seen SBSP but wasn't involved beyond that.

When we were younger, my sister and I played Battle for Bikini Bottom on the PS2. So when the "Rehydrated" version came out, she hit me up and was like "omg they made a remake! we have to play it!" and I was all "hell yeah! nostalgia ftw!" (def worth it - it's a good time and everyone looks so damn adorable 🥹).

If you've played that game and you're in the fandom, you're probably pretty familiar with this moment (clip actually starts at :12). 😉😂 HOWEVER, this wasn't even the moment that initially caught my attention. In fact, it was actually THIS one between Robot Plankton and Robot Spongebob (who is terrifying btw). My sister and I got to this part in the game and were just...👀👀. Like, why was Robot Plankton (who is essentially a clone of real Plankton) thinking of Robot Spongebob like that? Kinda gay if you ask me. Long story short, I shipped PlankBob (ironically) for a hot minute lmao.

I started looking online to see if anyone else was crack-shipping it up like I was and I think that's when I came across SquidBob in earnest. I had remembered seeing some rather interesting moments between them in the past, but strangely never thought anything of it until I started looking below the surface. A few YouTube clips later, my memory was beginning to refresh - and those clips weren't even close to exhaustive! I just couldn't believe how unsubtle these two were! Like, HOW COULD I BE SO BLIND!?

For shits and giggles, I then decided to check AO3 to see if there were any fics about them. One of the fics I came across was none other than NBYF - the very fic that inspired my first work in this fandom! After reading it like four times, I was HOOKED. I needed more. So, I ended up on Tumblr and have been here ever since. 🥰

For added backstory, I've been in and out of fandoms over the years, but never felt the need to be active in any of them. Whether it was fandom discourse, fleeting interest, etc., I didn't want to get involved in any of that and, oftentimes, the canon just didn't inspire me to create my own works.

Needless to say, I'm so thankful to have found this small corner of the internet. Everyone has been so cool thus far and it's been really fun to write fics for SquidBob. I've always been a bit of a sucker for the grump x sunshine ship dynamic, so this pair is just perfection. 🌧️❤️☀️✨ One of these days I'll do an entire post about why I ship them. Someday lol. And given how episodic the SBSP show is, that actually helps a ton for writing - it's great to be able to stay true to the canon while not committing to any solid timelines or anything like that. I mean, even the actual show has continuity issues, so no one can fault me if I decide to switch things up a bit. 😜 I tend to prefer canon divergence vs. AUs when it comes to fanfiction as well because I really enjoy the challenge of working with an existing world/characters and creating a unique story for it all.

So, that's my fandom origin story. Not the most cut-and-dry (and probably not what you were asking) lmao but that's essentially where it all started! I'd be interested in hearing when/how you got into SquidBob hell, if you haven't already posted about it. 😊

[ancicntforged]

Hunger

Summary: Power is everything, but like all things, it comes with a price.

Character Focus: Malos

The first thing she learns when she came to be for the first time, is that power is everything.

Remnant. The Universe. The Multiverse. One is useless without it

The desolate landscape mocks her. Whatever this city had been is no more, just like countless others. What were once tall buildings and winding roads now lay in heaps of collapsed and charred rubble. Trails of smoke rise sporadically from the ruins, mingling with the air. The whole area smells like smoke and death, overwhelming her senses. She feels at home.

Humans, despite all their delusions, have no power. Why is why they are on the brink of extinction. Their efforts in ruins is proof enough. She had caused all this untold destruction, she had power, but it was becoming increasingly clear that she didn't have enough. And for the first time in her life, she feels afraid.

The last remnants of humanity give her just enough strength to keep going, but it's not enough. So when she kills the last one, she counts herself lucky. As she prepares to board the space ship and leave the planet, she makes a vow. She will be strong and she will rely on her power, rather than fickle luck.

The difference in strength is overwhelming. Her first form had been a prison, a limiting bind of fear and impotence. Her new form, a taste of what was to come. This form, raw power. The other fighters can't stop her even if they try. Oh, but she'd certainly challenged them to, her Dracontine genes hunger for battle.

Her purpose had been a simple one: conquer Universe 12. But her quest had been established long ago and now she is feeling rather bored. She once thirsted for revenge against the two Vacosians, Ruby and Blair, but had lacked the power to do so years ago. It was shameful, but the present was different. She was strong. She doesn't need to rely on dirty tricks or anyone else to do her deeds anymore. She isn't subjected to the whims of luck and she answers to no one.

For once, since she emerged, she feels free.

Freedom that sounds like a chorus of discordant screams of terror. That lacks that distinct burning scent of fear from long ago.

There was no limit to what she can do. The others are imbeciles to restrict themselves the way they did. Tethering themselves iwth human morality and notions of bonds. Virtue, family, love. They are nothing, but shackles to protect the weak. Fortunately, she has no such things to worry about. With power, she makes the rules and sets the boundaries. And for her, there are none.

She'd been a fool to think she was at her peak before. The insane training she underwent brought with it a surge that put her previous state to shame. Her body had become even better. She was more than perfect, she was unstoppable. Sparks dance along her armor, crackling with energy. The very earth trembles in the wake of her might. The others look at her in fear. Power is everything and she is the strongest. And she craves more.

The feeling is intoxicating. Her hunger for power insatiable. Somewhere in her mind, she remembers hearing that power corrupts. This is the price she had to pay to achieve it, this voracious need. It's never enough.

But she feels it's a small price compared to the freedom it gives her.

She wants more. More power, more destruction, more.

She thinks of what she could do after she finishes with the rest of the Ascendance Team. She could continue to terrorize Universe 12 as she'd already done or travel the multiverse in search of greater challenges. There was no telling what other beings existed and how much strength they possessed. Strength she could gain for herself.

and maybe, after she had the entire multiverse under her empire and there was no one left to challenge her, maybe it would be enough.

[doriandistortion]

“About me” type questions

(Except I probably over share??)

Feel free to dm for the template

Also I just wrote everything down because I don’t wanna crowd my page with questions 😭 + I’m mostly writing this for myself to look back on later lmfao

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? N/A

2. Are you loud, outgoing, or shy? I am definitely loud and outgoing around the right people. I don’t think I’m shy. I’ll talk about anything with anyone stranger or otherwise but I just don’t necessarily have much to say? And there’s a huge difference between being shy and being completely afraid.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? I am always looking forward to seeing one friend of mine. They don’t really talk to me anymore and I never see them but I’m sure I’ll always feel this way.

4. Are you easy to get along with? I really hope so? I’m sure I can be disagreeable and I probably talk about myself a bit more frequently than people want to hear but I’ve never had anyone that I really didn’t get along with I don’t think

5. Have you ever given up on someone, but then gone back to them? In terms of dating I’m assuming? In that case no. I’ve never dated anyone to begin with

6. If you were sick would that person take care of you? N/A

7. Who is on your mind right now? That one friend I talked about on Q3

8. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? My sister, mom and grandparents about if time would exist without humans here to put a name to it.

9. What does your most recent text say? “Yayy!!!” From my dad :))

10. Is there a hot topic that you feel strongly about? ?

11. Do you like big crowds of people? It definitely depends on if I’m by myself in the crowd or with people I am comfortable with. If I am alone I absolutely HATE crowds but if I’m with people I like I’m cool with them. I like people watching.

12. Do you believe in luck/miracles? I don’t. I’m not sure when or why I started feeling this way but I also don’t believe in karma. It’s freeing. You should try it.

13. What good thing happened this summer? I can’t remember the summer already. :/ I used to write everything I did every day down in my notebooks without fail so I can look back and remember but I’ve been slacking recently.

14. Do you think there is life on other planets? I like to think that there is alien life somewhere out there although I’m sure that it would be something like little worms or fish. Even though this doesn’t seem as groundbreaking as the aliens most people picture I still think that life on other planets would be amazing

15. Do you like bubble baths? Yes

16. Do you like your neighbors? They’re fine. My sister is friends with our neighbors daughter. She’s nice.

17. What are your bad habits? It would be faster for me to write down my good habits.

18. Where would you like to travel? I would love to go back to Italy! I went with my family, immediate and extended as a big trip when I was in middle school.

19. Do you have trust issues? No. Although I haven’t had any bad experiences that could have kickstarted trust issues yet. Check back in in a couple years maybe?

20. Favorite part of your daily routine? I have absolutely no routine to my day

21. What do you do when you wake up? I lay there disappointed for an extra hour or two.

22. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? This is a weird ass question 💀

23. Who are you most comfortable around? See Q3 and 7

24. Do you ever want to get married? Maybe? I don’t know if that kind of situation would ever work out for me though. I don’t really love people like that? Like, if it wasn’t official and it was just something that we agreed on one day as a concept I would. I don’t think I would find anyone like the person I have in mind and they don’t really talk to me anymore and that’s the one thing that matters so what’s the point lol

25. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail? Yes and I’m super happy about it because all my life I thought my hair just stopped growing once it hit shoulder length but it turned out it was just really damaged lmao

26. Which of your favorite celebrities would you like to meet in real life? Probably none 🤭 it would be too embarrassing

27. Do you play any sports? Not really although I can throw DOWN in badminton

28. Would you rather live without IV or music? Am I an idiot?? What does this mean 💀💀

29. Have you ever liked someone/wanted to be their friend, but never told them? 100%

30. What do you say during awkward silences? I never really experience awkward silences. At least they aren’t awkward for me? I just don’t really care about that kind of thing

31. Do you think age matters in relationships/friendships? Definitely but I also think that people on the internet make certain situations out to be worse than they are. For example, a 19/yo and a 17/yo being friends. One is in high school and one isn’t which makes it seem like a huge difference but its not and not everything has to at all be sexual. I think that people tend to think they know everything about someone’s life in situations like these.

32. What are your favorite stores to shop at? Right now I’m on a Cider groove. I love their clothes and they aren’t expensive.

33. What do you want to do after high school? I graduated in 2022 and I hate my life and want to go back.

34. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? No. Certain people don’t at all

35. If you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean? I’m short circuiting

36. Do you smile at strangers? Yes :)

37. Trip to outer space or the bottom of the sea? God, neither. But if I had to choose I’m going with the sea. I hate the idea of flying in a spaceship and I’m afraid of the sky

38. Do you want a roommate? I would love a roommate actually. The more the merrier.

39. What are you paranoid about? That I’m losing my mind

40. What was the meanest thing someone ever said to you? I couldn’t care enough to remember

41. The nicest thing? I wish I could remember but I promise that I care.

42. Have you ever done something that you hope no one finds out about? Yes but no one will

43. What language do you want to learn? German

44. What's your full name? Excuse me?

45. What are your three biggest fears?

1. The open sky 2. Going insane. 3. Seizures

46. What are three things you love? My family is a definite answer but I feel like I haven’t experienced life for long enough to answer the last two.

47. Who's your best friend? I don’t have one

48. How tall are you? 6’4

49. What do you miss? The 10th grade/2019, my friends, my old Apple Music playlists… the list could go on and on forever

50. What time were you born? Early in the morning I think

51. What's your favorite color? Red

52. What's your favorite quote? “The time is coming where you won’t feel like you do now” Woolworm - Indian Summer

53. What's your favorite place? I don’t think I have one yet

54. What's your favorite food? Pasta

55. Do you use sarcasm? I wanted to think of a witty joke to write down but I am incredibly unfunny so you’ll just have to live with a simple no

56. What are you listening to right now? Love Interruption by Jack White

57. What's the first thing you notice about a new person? Their eyes, facial expressions, clothes

58. What's your shoe size? N/A

59. What's your eye color? Brown

60. What's your hair color? Very dark brown

61. What's your favorite style of clothing? I don’t know. I’m weird about putting names to things like that

62. Have you ever played a prank on someone? Probably

63. What's the meaning of your username/URL? I’m Dorian. Dorian sounds strangely close to the word distortion. I think?

64. What's your favorite movie? Parasite always. Two close contenders are Nope and The Talented Mr. Ripley. I like a movie with a dramatic tone shift in the middle.

65. What's your favorite song? I think I’ll always love the song I Quit Girls by Japandroids

66. Your favorite bands? Maybe Million Dead? I wish they recorded more than two albums but I’ll take what I can get. Nirvana of course and The Dear Hunter. The Dear Hunter makes incredible songs. Like, my jaw is on the floor with every new one I listen to and they have so much music to go through. Also I LOVE when albums have a storyline that they follow but The Deer Hunter has a storyline that spans the length of 6 albums I believe. They have 10 full albums in total and they’re still together. God I could talk about that band forever.

67. How are you feeling right now? Maybe afraid? I’m not super in tune

68. Who's someone you love? Everyone in my family. I’m so glad that they are the ones I get to be related to. I love them so much and My old friend from Q3, 7 and 23.

69. How's your relationship with your parents? Great

70. What's your favorite holiday? It tends to change with every holiday that’s up next. Right now of course I’m biased towards Halloween because I’m in the mood and it’s around the corner.

71. Do you have/want any tattoos or piercings? If you want any, what do you want? I have a left side lip piercing, a septum piercing and 5 tattoos (not including the ones I have on my fingers) that I did myself. I think I want more but I would get them done professionally. I really want a Vegvisir tattoo and one that says “cursed be he who moves my body” like the quote on the bracelet in king tut’s tomb yk, the one that’s supposedly cursed so when I die it will stress EVERYONE out lmao

72. What was the last book you read? Crime and Punishment

73. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Boring answer but it really just depends. I’m not very fast though

74. Where are you right now? In my bedroom

75. Do you like loud music or soft music? Both but I listen to louder music usually