Tumgik
#she's able to identify bach
commsroom · 1 year
Note
Hello !! Do you have thoughts on Rhea :]
yes, i do!! with the caveat that we have such limited information on lovelace's crew, what we do have is almost entirely filtered through her perspective, and we kinda... know rhea the least. as much as i find eris a fascinating character too, i wish we'd heard more of rhea.
which is kind of the first thing: rhea is the only AI character in wolf 359 who doesn't have a voice. (we don't hear hyperion's voice, which is supposedly not integrated yet, but he's not even really treated like a character in the scene he's in. and that's a whole other thing.) for hera in particular, she feels a physical disconnect from the others, but the fact that wolf 359 is audio only makes her an equal presence from the perspective of the audience. (which carries over to the live show, where the other characters may not be able to see her, but the audience can, etc.) rhea's situation is kind of the opposite, where her words can be seen by the others, but the audience can only hear or infer her words via what the others read out loud or respond to.
rhea clearly cares about her fellow crewmates, and seems to get along with lambert in particular. lovelace's log: "and communications officer lambert is... communications officer lambert. so an enormous stick in the mud. [...] i heard that, rhea. you are expressly forbidden from telling him i said that." - a sentiment it's easy to imagine early minkowski expressing about eiffel and hera, for the opposite reason. in a more direct parallel, rhea reassures lambert that he "does a great job"; in bach to the future, hera tells eiffel he's "actually very good at his job." the difference in context highlights their priorities; eiffel and hera are having a heart to heart about worthiness, while rhea really is talking about lambert's job - work is important to him, and most people around him don't respect or appreciate his work. what we can infer about rhea is that she's... well, the kind of person who would be lambert's friend. straightforward, rule-following, and professional.
(even something like "see, rhea? i told you someone read [my reports to command]" indicates that they talk to each other a fair amount, but also serves as a mirror to eiffel's belief no one listens to his logs.)
maybe the most interesting thing to me about rhea is her defense of eris: "it's just the way they programmed her, back off." ... again, the complete opposite of how hera might respond. eiffel tries to "defend" her in a similar way in ep 7 - "you can't really hold that against her; it's just her programming" - and she finds it incredibly insulting. with all of that taken together, with how lovelace, lambert, and rhea are in many ways intentional opposites to minkowski, eiffel, and hera, it really makes me wonder how rhea identifies or perceives herself.
i think hera is functionally human, both in her singular, consistent image of herself, and in her role in the narrative. eris appears human to lovelace, but is clear that it's how she sees "a version of herself." whether that refers to that iteration of eris having multiple versions of herself, or if it refers to all of the iterations of her who exist: either way it's a reflection of the way eris exists, and her acceptance of that. by extension, the fact that we don't encounter rhea in any way other than beeping sounds and implied words on station monitors... kind of says something narratively, i think. going back to her lack of voice, even that level of distance and abstraction takes her further away from 'human' perceptions by the audience, while she's obviously still a full person with her own priorities, perspectives, and opinions. i think it's very interesting to consider she might prefer her state of (lack of physical) existence in a way hera clearly does not.
49 notes · View notes
penpalslgbt · 2 years
Text
Hi, I'm Shreya and I'm a 16-year-old teen from India.
I may seem like an adulting arrogant teenager from my age, but I assure you I ain't like this. In 2022, I got into a relationship with a guy which lasted only for some days but that helped me to discover my identity as well as my sexuality. I got to discover that I am a bisexual but now I feel that I'm inclined towards girls and women more. I don't know what my real identity really is but I should say that I actually love females more as I've always been in awe for women and my first crush is also a woman and she is Anne Hathaway. I saw her in Alice In Wonderland and since then I've never looked back.
It's really hard for me to find someone who belongs to LGBTQ in my place which is highly conservative and judgemental in every inch of it. I've tried hard to find some who identify themselves with the LGBTQ community but I've never been able to talk to them. I tried approaching some straights but surely I might've creeped them out. I know I should just move on but I feel like I should have some people in my life who are like me so that atleast I can obtain some peace in my life that'll give me a hope to live life. I'm really utterly interested in being pen pals with people of the community that I belong to. The community that washes me with a form of peace that's hard to be found in the reality.
I like reading books of fiction genre but haven't been able to doing that for some months now. Hopefully, I will try to read this year.
I'm a movie buff as well. I like those movies that people hardly watch or know about. I've a penchant for movies that explore the characters' personalities, that've psychosis or those that explore the devil sides of human beings. The latest movie that I've watched is Girl, Interrupted and I likely enjoyed it and I should say I like movies about mentally disturbed people as well.
I like music of all sorts of genre. Now I listen to more of hard metal and rock. I like Metallica, Iron Maiden, Radiohead, REM, Queen, Led Zeppelin etc. I like listening to piano pieces as well and have some favorite pianists as well such as Liszt, Schumann, Schubert, Beethoven, Debussy, Einaudi, Bach, Poulenc, Tchaikovsky etc.
And lastly, I would say that I'm introverted and it really takes sometime for me to open up to people. I've trust issues as well. I highly contemplate and overthink things. I like to have deep conversations rather than small talks. I like to write but I don't know why I've not been able to doing that for some days.
My pronouns are - They/ Them.
Well, thank you. Anyone who wants to be pen pal with me, surely hit me up.
Tumblr : @shreying
January 3, 2023
3 notes · View notes
mistbornthefinal · 4 years
Text
Madoka Magica Aniversary Analysis: Part2
Hunting for Witches
(here there be spoilers, proceed at your own risk)
We get a quick recap of Mami introducing herself and blowing away Gertrude’s familiars, before cutting to Madoka waking up in bed much like last ep. Only this time Kubey is being a creepy bunnycat like always and is looming over her bed. Cue Connect.
As the two of them are brushing their teeth in their weird giant bathroom Junko chastises Madoka for being late and not checking in with the family. We then cut back to yesterday as Mami leads Madoka and Sayaka back to her house. Honestly I prefer the original broadcast version of Mami’s house it’s emptiness laid the seeds for the reveal of the desperately lonely girl Mami actually was. 
Tumblr media
(Shaft there was a point where this need to stop and we’ve clearly passed it)
Mami gives them some cake and then gets down to business about this whole magic thing. She starts with the soul gem, the source of a magical girls powers which is created when she forms a contract with Kyubey. Kyubey then lays out the terms in exchange for becoming a magical girl he will grant the subject one wish, according to him anything is on the table. But becoming Meguca has a price, a magical girl must fight Witches. 
Back in the present Madoka asks her mom what she would wish for. Junko says she’d oust a couple of board members at her company, maybe the president as well the man is by her account too long in tooth and yet still refuses name a successor. Madoka suggest the she might be the next president and you can almost immediately see the wheels starting to turn in Junko’s head. Madoka watches slightly nonplussed as Junko begins playing her next moves in Game of Thrones: Mitakihara office politics edition.
Tumblr media
(Madoka has no idea the cataclysm her off the cuff statement precipitated) 
Hours in the past Sayaka asks what a Witch is and how they are different from magical girls. Kyubey replies (in retrospect very weaselly) that if magical girls are born from wishes than witches are born from curses. In addition Witches can not be seen by normal humans, but none the less prey on them sowing anger and despair. Mami chimes in that many seemly inexplicable murders and suicides are due to witch curses. Sayaka asks why this isn’t common knowlage. The answer Witches hid from humanity in unreal pocket dimensions, the labyrinths.
What happened to the girls earlier is they had wandered into a labyrinth, something that’s usually fatal to ordinary humans. Mami stresses that within the labyrinth even her life is in danger so the two of them ought to weigh their options carefully before making a contract. As tempting as wish might be the price could very well be death. Despite the danger Mami offers them a chance to accompany them on a witch hunt to see what it’s like before they sign up.
As Madoka meets up with her friends on the way to school Sayaka is quick to react to the bunnycat perched on her shoulder. In addition to being invisible to muggles Kuybey also acts as telepathic relay. Though the twos silent conversation give Hitomi the wrong idea
youtube
(this scene became a meme for good reason) 
In the classroom Sayaka questions the wisdom of Kyubey coming to school, given the girl who tired to ice him yesterday is in their class. Kyubey says Mami is in telepathic range (prompting her to chime in) and he doesn’t peg Homura as the sort to cause a public disturbance. Homura’s arrival in class triggers another flashback to last evening.
Specifically the part of the conversation were they discuss the transfer student. Mami confirms that she is another magical girl. This confused Sayaka, why would a magical girl attack Madoka, shouldn’t they be allies of justice. Kyubey corrects her Homura was after him, likely to prevent him from making new contracts. Mami explains that conflict among magical girls is a common occurrence. Witch hunting has it’s rewards and sometimes megucas will fight each other to secure them. Sayaka rather astutely connects her interest in Madoka with the presumed desire to keep competitors out of the picture. 
This whole cutting between past and present thing might be a little hard to follow in text recap form, but it does us a service by cutting our big exposition dump and giving us time to breath in between segments. This scene tells us everything we need to know about magical girls and witches (or so we think) and even gives us some insight into what Homura is about. After EP 1 left us with nothing but questions EP 2 has given us faith that this show isn’t going to leave us in the dark. 
At lunch which Madoka and Sayaka have decided to eat on their schools aesthetic as fvck roof, the two discuss the possibilities of a wish.
Tumblr media
(this school is cursed and I love it)
Sayaka says that as tempting as a wish is she balks at the cost, then laments that most people should have a wish that they would risk their lives for and that neither of them do shows how privileged they are. There is a brief cut who we will later learn is Kyosuke before laments that there are plenty of people in the world who would risk their lives on a wish, so why them.
Before we can get an answer Homura enters the scene. The girls are startled but Mami’s voice chimes in revealing that she’s providing overwatch from a nearby tower. Homura says she’s not here to fight and going after Kyubey again is pointless now that he’s made contact with Madoka. She just want’s to know where the stand re:becoming meguca. She then reminds Madoka of her earlier warning, a warning that hopefully has not fallen on deaf ears. Madoka asks what Homura wished for but only receives a cryptic look. 
They ditch Hitomi to go Witch hunting and fail to correct her... assumptions along the way. When the meet up with Mami at the cafe we learn that Sayaka brought a bat, while Madoka brought sketches of magical girl costumes. 
Tumblr media
(sketches drawn by her awesome voice actress Yuuki Aoi)
They go back to where Mami fought the familiars so she can pick up the Witches magic trail and track it to her labyrinths new location. As the girls are following the trail we cut to a woman stumbling into an abandoned building, a building that someone wrote a Faust quote on one of the walls in the original German (more on that when do a post on Madok’s Faust references). 
Bach with Mami and hangers on we learn she has been systemizing her method of witch hunting, checking the places already prone to violence and accidents that witches tend to frequent. According to her the worst place for a witch to be is a hospital where they can leach the life from those already weakened by illness.
The arrive at the abandoned building just in time for Mami to catch the woman from earlier when she jumps off the roof. Though uninjured the woman is cationic and marked with a strange glyph that Mami identifies as a witches kiss. She lead the two of them into the labyrinth through a portal but not before enchanting Sayaka’s bat. Homura is not far behind. 
Mami makes easy work of the familiars and after a series a surreal doors open we reach to core of the labyrinth and meet it’s creator.
Tumblr media
(I’m not sure what people were expecting back in 2011 but I don’t think it was a butterfly rosebush monster)
Gertrude gets her name plastered on the screen in witch runes, setting us up for a boss fight, cue magia. Mami curtsies to the witch causing two of her signature muskets to fall from her skirt. Gerturde throws her sofa at her and the flies through the air to dodge return fair from Mami’s guns. While Mami is focused on the witch herself several small familiars on the ground merge into a giant tendril that takes her off guard and slams her into the wall. 
Mami is able to turn the table by conjuring threads from the bullets embedded in the ground to ensnare the witch. She then uses the ribbon of her uniform to cut herself free and then conjures a giant gun with it that blows the witch away.
Tumblr media
(No one else in this show names their attacks, Mami is such a dork)
Mami celebrates with a cup of tea as the barrier dissipates, then picks up a strange black object from the ground. This she tells Madoka, Sayaka, and the audience is a Grief Seed. The Grief Seed is a witches egg and it can be used to cleanse the darkness of a girls soul gem, replenishing her magic. She then tosses it into the darkness only for a previously unseen Homura to catch it. It has one more use which Mami offers to Homura. Homura rebuffs this offer which Mami takes poorly and Sayaka even more poorly. Madoka on the other hand just wants everyone to get along. 
With the influence of the witch gone the woman from earlier awakens, and is distraught at what she almost did. Mami comforts the woman telling her it was all a bad dream. The episode ends with Madoka musing that while she has no idea what wish she would stake her life on she admires Mami’s heroism. (cue Mata Ashita)
That’s Episode 2 which I would say is the most fundamental episode for understanding Madoka’s plot. We got a whole lot of exposition dumped, far more than you notice because it’s intercut with slice of life movements and character building. The it was capped off with a cool fight scene.  Everything from here on essentially either confirms or subverts what episode establishes.  
6 notes · View notes
emerald-studies · 4 years
Photo
Tumblr media
The complex Nina Simone
“Born Eunice Kathleen Waymon in Tryon, North Carolina on February 21st, 1933, Nina’s prodigious talent as a musician was evident early on when she started playing piano by ear at the age of three. Her mother, a Methodist minister, and her father, a handyman and preacher himself, couldn’t ignore young Eunice’s God-given gift of music. Raised in the church on the straight and narrow, her parents taught her right from wrong, to carry herself with dignity, and to work hard. She played piano – but didn’t sing – in her mother’s church, displaying remarkable talent early in her life. Able to play virtually anything by ear, she was soon studying classical music with an Englishwoman named Muriel Mazzanovich, who had moved to the small southern town. It was from these humble roots that Eunice developed a lifelong love of Johann Sebastian Bach, Chopin, Brahms, Beethoven and Schubert.After graduating valedictorian of her high school class, the community raised money for a scholarship for Eunice to study at Julliard in New York City before applying to the prestigious Curtis Institute of Music in Philadelphia. Her family had already moved to the City Of Brotherly Love, but Eunice’s hopes for a career as a pioneering African American classical pianist were dashed when the school denied her admission. To the end, she herself would claim that racism was the reason she did not attend. While her original dream was unfulfilled, Eunice ended up with an incredible worldwide career as Nina Simone – almost by default.
 One fateful day in 1954, looking to supplement her income, Eunice auditioned to sing at the Midtown Bar & Grill on Pacific Avenue in Atlantic City, New Jersey. Word spread about this new singer and pianist who was dipping into the songbooks of Gershwin, Cole Porter, Richard Rodgers, and the like, transforming popular tunes of the day into a unique synthesis of jazz, blues, and classical music. Her rich, deep velvet vocal tones, combined with her mastery of the keyboard, soon attracted club goers up and down the East Coast. In order to hide the fact that she was singing in bars, Eunice’s mother would refer to the practice as “working in the fires of hell”, overnight Eunice Waymon became Nina Simone by taking the nickname “Nina” meaning “little one” in Spanish and “Simone” after the actress Simone Signoret.At the age of twenty-four, Nina came to the attention of the record industry. After submitting a demo of songs she had recorded during a performance in New Hope, Pennsylvania, she was signed by Syd Nathan, owner of the Ohio-based King Records (home to James Brown), to his Jazz imprint, Bethlehem Records. The boisterous Nathan had insisted on choosing songs for her debut set, but eventually relented and allowed Nina to delve in the repertoire she had been performing at clubs up and down the eastern seaboard. One of Nina’s stated musical influences was Billie Holiday and her inspired reading of “Porgy” (from “Porgy & Bess”) heralded the arrival of a new talent on the national scene. At the same mammoth 13 hour session in 1957, recorded in New York City, Nina also cut “My Baby Just Cares For Me,” previously recorded by Nate King Cole, Count Basie, and Woody Herman. The song was used by Chanel in a perfume commercial in Europe in the 1980’s and it became a massive hit for Nina, a British chart topper at #5, and thus a staple of her repertoire for the rest of her career.
Nina Simone’s stay with Bethlehem Records was short lived and in 1959, after moving to New York City, she was signed by Joyce Selznik, the eastern talent scout for Colpix Records, a division of Columbia Pictures. Months after the release of her debut LP for the label (1959‘s The Amazing Nina Simone), Nina was performing at her first major New York City venue, the mid-Manhattan-located Town Hall. Sensing that her live performances would capture the essential spontaneity of her artistry, Colpix opted to record her September 12, 1959 show. “You Can Have Him,” a glorious torch song previously cut by Peggy Lee and Ella Fitzgerald, was one of the highlights of the evening. The song opened with a dazzling keyboard arpeggio that would become her signature for decades. So momentous was the Town Hall performance that it inspired some of the same musicians, featuring the vocals of Nina’s only daughter, Lisa Simone Kelly, to do a tribute to a sold out audience over forty five years later.As Nina’s reputation as an engaging live performer grew, it wasn’t long before she was asked to perform at the prestigious Newport Jazz Festival. Accompanied on the June 30th, 1960 show by Al Schackman, a guitarist who would go on to become Nina’s longest-running musical colleague, bassist Chris White, and drummer Bobby Hamilton, the dynamic show was recorded by the Colpix. The subsequent release in 1961 of the old blues tune “Trouble In Mind” as a single gave Nina her third charted record.Her stay with Colpix resulted in some wonderful albums – nine in all – included Nina’s version of Bessie Smith’s blues classic “Nobody Knows You When You’re Down And Out.” Issued as a single in 1960, it became Nina’s second charted Pop and R&B hit and one of two Colpix tracks to achieve such a feat during her five year stint with the label. Other stand out tracks from that era were the soulful song “Cotton Eyed Joe,” the torch tune “The Other Women,” and the Norwegian folk rendition of “Black Is The Color Of My True Love’s Hair” – all beautiful examples of Nina Simone at her storytelling best, painting a vivid picture with her skill as a lyrical interpreter. During this time with the label, Nina recorded one civil rights song, Oscar Brown Jr.’s “Brown Baby,” which was included on her fifth album for the label, At The Village Gate.“Critics started to talk about what sort of music I was playing,” writes Nina in her 1991 autobiography I Put A Spell On You, “and tried to find a neat slot to file it away in. It was difficult for them because I was playing popular songs in a classical style with a classical piano technique influenced by cocktail jazz. On top of that I included spirituals and children’s song in my performances, and those sorts of songs were automatically identified with the folk movement. So, saying what sort of music I played gave the critics problems because there was something from everything in there, but it also meant I was appreciated across the board – by jazz, folk, pop and blues fans as well as admirers of classical music.” Clearly Nina Simone was not an artist who could be easily classified.
Nina’s Colpix recordings cemented her appeal to a nightclub based U.S. audience. Once she moved to Phillips, a division of Dutch-owned Mercury Records, she was ready to expand her following globally. Her first LP for the label, 1964’s In Concert, signaled Nina’s undaunted stand for freedom and justice for all, stamping her irrevocably as a pioneer and inspirational leader in the U.S. Civil Rights Movement. Her own original “Mississippi Goddam” was banned throughout the South but such a response made no difference in Nina’s unyielding commitment to liberty; subsequent groundbreaking recordings for Philips like “Four Women” (recorded September 1965) and “Strange Fruit” continued to keep Nina in the forefront of the few performers willing to use music as a vehicle for social commentary and change. Such risks were seldom taken by artists during that time of such dramatic civil upheaval.For years, Nina felt there was much about the way that she made her living that was less than appealing. One gets a sense of that in the following passage from I Put A Spell on You where she explains her initial reluctance to perform material that was tied to the Civil Rights Movement.“Nightclubs were dirty, making records was dirty, popular music was dirty and to mix all that with politics seemed senseless and demeaning. And until songs like ‘Mississippi Goddam’ just burst out of me, I had musical problems as well. How can you take the memory of a man like [Civil Rights activist] Medgar Evers and reduce all that he was to three and a half minutes and a simple tune? That was the musical side of it I shied away from; I didn’t like ‘protest music’ because a lot of it was so simple and unimaginative it stripped the dignity away from the people it was trying to celebrate. But the Alabama church bombing and the murder of Medgar Evers stopped that argument and with ‘Mississippi Goddam,’ I realized there was no turning back.”
Nina was deeply affected by these two events. In 1962, she had befriended noted playwright Lorraine Hansberry and spoke often with her about the Civil Rights Movement. While she was moved by her conversations with Hansberry, it took the killing of Medgar Evers and the four girls in Birmingham to act as catalysts for a transformation of Nina’s career.There were many sides to Nina Simone. Among her most amazing recordings were the original and so-soulful version “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” and “I Put A Spell On You” (which had reached to #23 in the U.S. charts), eerily moody, unrestrained, drama to the max; “Ne Me Quitte Pas” tender, poignant, filled with melancholy; and with gospel-like fervor, the hypnotic voodoo of “See-Line Woman.” In her own unrivaled way, Nina also loved to venture into the more earthy side of life. After she signed with RCA Records in 1967 (a deal her then husband/manager Andy Stroud had negotiated), her very first recordings for the label included the saucy “Do I Move You?” and the undeniably sexual “I Want A Little Sugar In My Bowl” which were from the concept album entitled Nina Sings The Blues. Backed by a stellar cast of New York CIty session musicians, the album was far and away Nina’s most down-home recording session. By this time, Nina had become central to a circle of African American playwrights, poets, and writers all centered in Harlem along with the previously mentioned Lorraine Hansberry, James Baldwin and Langston Hughes. The outcome from one of the relationships became a highlight of the LP with the song “Backlash Blues,” a song that’s lyrics originated from the last poem Langston Hughes submitted for publication prior to his death in May, 1967 and gave to Nina.Nina’s seven years with RCA produced some remarkable recordings, ranging from two songs featured in the Broadway musical “Hair” (combined into a medley, “Ain’t Got No – I Got Life,” a #2 British hit in 1968) to a Simone-ified version of George Harrison’s “Here Comes The Sun,” which remained in Nina’s repertoire all the way through to her final performance in 2002. Along the way at RCA, songs penned by Bob Dylan (“Just Like A Woman”), the brothers Gibb (“To Love Somebody”), and Tina Turner (“Funkier Than A Mosquito’s Tweeter”) took pride of place alongside Nina’s own anthem of empowerment, the classic “To Be Young, Gifted, & Black,” a song written in memory of Nina’s good friend Lorraine Hansberry. The title of the song coming from a play Hansberry had been working on just prior to her death.After Nina left RCA, she spent a good deal of the 1970’s and early 1980’s living in Liberia, Barbados, England, Belgium, France, Switzerland and The Netherlands. In 1978, for the first time since she left RCA, Nina was convinced by U.S. jazz veteran Creed Taylor to make an album for his CTI label. This would be her first new studio album in six years and she recorded it in Belgium with strings and background vocals cut in New York City. With the kind of “clean” sound that was a hallmark of CTI recordings, the Nina Simone album that emerged was simply brilliant. Nina herself would later claimed that she ”hated” the record but many fans strongly disagreed. With an eighteen piece string section conducted by David Mathews (known for his arrangements on James Brown’s records), the results were spectacular. The title track, Randy Newman’s evocative “Baltimore,” was an inspired Nina Simone choice. It had a beautifully constructed reggae-like beat and used some of the finest musicians producer Creed Taylor could find including Nina’s guitarist and music director, Al Schackman.
Aside from 1982’s Fodder On My Wings that Nina recorded for Carrere Records, two albums she made of the independent VPI label in Hollywood (Nina’s Back and Live And Kickin’) in 1985, and a 1987 Live At Vine Street set recorded for Verve, Nina Simone did not make another full length album until Elektra A&R executive Michael Alago persuaded her to record again. After much wining and dining, Nina finally signed on the dotted line. Elektra tapped producer Andre Fischer, noted conductor Jeremy Lubbock, and a trio of respected musicians to provide the suitable environment for this highly personal reading of “A Single Woman,” which became the centerpiece and title track for Nina Simone’s final full length album.With two marriages behind her in 1993 she settled in Carry-le-Rout, near Aix-en-Provence in Southern France. She would continue to tour through the 1990’s and became very much ‘the single woman’ she sang about on her last label recording. She rarely traveled without an entourage, but if you were fortunate enough to get to know the woman behind the music you could glimpse the solitary soul that understood the pain of being misunderstood. It was one of Nina’s many abilities to comprehend the bittersweet qualities of life and then parlay them into a song that made her such an enduring and fascinating person.
In her autobiography, Nina Simone writes that her function as an artist is “…to make people feel on a deep level. It’s difficult to describe because it’s not something you can analyze; to get near what it’s about you have to play it. And when you’ve caught it, when you’ve got the audience hooked, you always know because it’s like electricity hanging in the air.” It was that very electricity that made her such an important artist to so many and it will be that electricity that continues to turn on new people all over the world for years to come.Nina Simone died in her sleep at her home in Carry-le-Rout, Bouches-du-Rhone on April 21, 2003. Her funeral service was attended by Miriam Makeba, Patti Labelle, poet Sonia Sanchez, actor Ossie Davis and hundreds of others. Elton John sent a floral tribute with the message, “You were the greatest and I love you”.” (source)
Watch “What Happened Miss Simone?”
34 notes · View notes
Text
This is from extra scenes on the Shadowhunters Wiki.
From the top of Mynydd Mawr, you could see the Irish Sea. Somewhere across that ocean, Mark thought, was the country he’d grown up in, and far on its west coast was Los Angeles, where his brothers and sisters lived.
The summit of the mountain was covered with low green grass, and the peak fell away to long slopes of scree reaching down to views of more green — a patchwork of verdigris dotted with the gray lines of farmers’ stone walls. Kieran’s horse Windspear was cropping grass at the mountain’s edge, while Mark’s mount had wandered off in search of excitement, which Mark doubted she would find in this quiet corner of Wales.
Clouds scudded across the sky, low and gray, promising a downpour. Mark looked over at Kieran, who was working at putting up a shelter for them. He had draped two cloaks — Wild Hunt cloaks were made of tough fibrous material, impervious to rain —over the top of a half-collapsed cairn of stones.
Mark watched him as he spread another cloak out inside the cairn, over the grass and packed earth. His gestures were faerie gestures: economic and graceful. In the silvery rain-light, his skin looked sheered with silver, etching the fine bones of his face, his hands. When he blinked, his blue-black lashes scattered light.
Like Mark, his clothes were worn and battered; there were holes in his linen shirt, through which Mark could catch tantalizing glimpses of skin. He felt a blush rise on his cheeks. He didn’t know why he’d thought that, or why he was looking at Kieran that way: Kieran was his friend, that was all. And an odd, unpredictable sort of friend at that. He was often reminded that Kieran’s status as a gentry prince made both their lives in the Hunt easier — if he’d been alone, he wouldn’t have been allowed to break off from the main group and make camp on this hill tonight. He would have been required to attend the revel the rest of the Hunt were at with the local goblins, piskies and whatnots. But Kieran’s desire for privacy was respected, as much as the Hunt respected anything.
Kieran was moody, though, his temper changing as often as the color of his hair. He was like the water his nixie mother had lived in — sweet and giving sometimes, rough and stormy at others. Not that Mark blamed him for being unhappy in the Hunt, though Kieran had not left beloved family behind as Mark had.
“Come here.” Kieran stretched out a hand. “Or do you plan to soak yourself in rainwater?”
“I wouldn’t mind the shower.” Mark’s skin had just begun to prickle with the first drops of rain.
“You’re clean enough,” Kieran said: Mark supposed it was true; they’d both bathed in the Cwellyn lake earlier. Mark loved watching Kieran swim; you could see the water faerie in his blood as he moved under the surface, fast and sleek as an otter, or rose to shake silver drops from his hair.
The sky opened up then, and Mark dashed to fling himself into the cairn, under the roof of cloaks. It was a bigger space than he had expected, and Kieran had lit a small fire at the far end of the shallow rectangle. The smoke wound up through a gap in the rocks. Mark could feel the dampness of the earth even through the blanket, but the cloaks kept the rain off.
“I think this was a barrow-place once,” said Kieran, glancing around. “Where they buried the dead.”
Mark mock-shuddered. Kieran gave him a curious look. Faeries found death odd, because it happened only when faeries were hundreds of years old. Death in battle was different: respected and not bothersome. They didn’t really have a conception of “morbid.”
Mark lay back on the blanket and laced his hands over his stomach. He could feel his pulsebeat at the top of his stomach, just below his ribs. It was a feeling he associated with hunger, the gnawing of appetite, but he and Kieran had eaten earlier that day, and there was even bread in Windspear’s saddlebag.
“Are you all right?” In the shadows, Kieran’s eyes were both silver, the light reflecting off them like mirrors. His hair was tangled, jaw-length; he’d cut it himself using a lake as a mirror, not long ago. Mark longed to touch it, to see if it was as thick and soft as it looked.
He need to stop having thoughts like this about Kieran. He’d seen Kieran kiss both boys and girls at revels, and sometimes do more. But that wasn’t the issue. Kieran was a gentry prince and Mark was a half-blooded Shadowhunter. Even a prince in the Wild Hunt would look down on someone with human blood. He wondered sometimes if Kieran looked at him like a mascot or a lucky charm, someone it was handy and amusing to have around: he laughed often at Mark’s human idioms and puzzlement — even after all this time — at faerie customs.
Kieran lay down beside Mark. For a moment, they breathed in companionable silence. But it was hard for Mark to rest next to Kieran; he was too conscious of the other boy, of his body heat, his presence, the slight tickle of his hair against Mark’s shoulder when he turned his head. He stirred uncomfortably, warmth rising low in his belly.
“You will not be able to see the stars tonight,” Kieran said. “The clouds will blot them out.”
Kieran knew Mark’s odd custom. Each night as he fell asleep, he would find the six stars that shone the brightest in the sky and give them the names of his brothers and sisters: Helen, Julian, Tiberius, Livia, Drusilla, Octavian. Different stars shone brightly in different places and different weather; he didn’t think he’d ever picked the same six twice.
I am here, alive in the world just as you are, my family, he would think, tracing invisible lines between the stars. How was time passing for them, he would wonder sometimes: could Tavvy tie his shoelaces now, had Julian’s voice broken, had Livvy mastered the sabre, did Dru still love bright colors? Were Helen and Aline happy? He remembered when they had met, in Italy, during all that odd business; how delirious with love Helen had been when she had first come home.
But there were others things that blurred in his mind sometimes, memories whose edges had lost their sharpness. The music Ty liked — it was classical, but what was his favorite Bach fugue? Mark had known once. And perhaps it had changed. Was it Dru who loved movies, or Livvy? Was it oils Jules painted in, or watercolors?
“My Mark,” said Kieran. He had propped himself on his elbow and was looking down at Mark at an odd angle. “Tell me what troubles you.”
Mark shivered. He always did when Kieran called him that. It felt like an endearment though he suspected it was merely faerie speech: Kieran was identifying Mark as his friend rather than someone else with the same name. Faeries were very odd about names, anyway, since they had the names everyone called them by and also their true names, which held power over them. Knowing the true name of a faerie was an intimate and powerful piece of business.
Mark put his arm behind his head. The rain had intensified: he could hear the drops falling on the material of the cloaks above them. “Memories trouble me,” he said, “and wondering if my family will forget me.”
Kieran traced a fingertip across Mark’s chest, stopping over his heart. Mark nearly stopped breathing. It didn’t mean anything, he reminded himself. Faeries had no sense of personal space.
“No one would forget you,” Kieran said, quietly. “You do not forget those that love you. I remember my mother’s face still. And there is no more loving heart than yours.”
“And yet sometimes I think it would be better if I did forget,” Mark said, in a low voice. Such thoughts did not come without guilt. “For them, for me. I will never return.”
“No one can know the future,” said Kieran, sitting up with a surprising fierceness. “Your exile may end. Clemency comes in many forms — a more generous and kinder King would have brought you to his court long ago. If I had the power a Prince should have —“
Mark rose to a sitting position, but Kieran had already stopped speaking. His hand was a fist in his lap, his head bent. It was unusual for him ever to speak of the fact that he was a Prince in the world of the courts, since as an exile his power had not followed him into the Hunt.
“Kieran —“ Mark began, but it was clear that Kieran was distressed, and that was unusual enough to hold Mark back. He had rarely seen Kieran show anger or sadness, especially after his first days in the Hunt; he remained controlled, showing nothing to the other Hunters.
“We should sleep,” Kieran said, after a long pause. “We must rise with the dawn tomorrow if we wish to meet the others.”
Mark lay back down, and Kieran lay beside him, his back to Mark. Mark curled as close to Kieran as he could get — they had slept together like this on countless nights, sharing the heat of their bodies. But Mark was rattled by Kieran’s distress, and didn’t want to add to it by pressing attention on him that he might not want. He settled for moving as close to Kieran as he could without touching him, one of his arms under his head, his other hand stretched out to rest only a millimeter from Kieran’s hair. He didn’t want to admit that he hoped that perhaps, during the night, when the wind stirred the space inside the cairn, the strands might brush Mark’s fingers in something like a caress.
But he did.
Mark’s hands were bound, and he was screaming. The Endarkened were before him, Sebastian Morgenstern at their head: a sea of scarlet, covering the world in blood. His family was lined up before Sebastian, on their knees — Helen and Julian, Ty and Livvy, Dru and Tavvy. Sebastian swung the Mortal Sword, slicing open Julian’s chest. As his brother slipped to the ground, Mark saw his agonized expression, the plea in his eyes — Help me, Mark, help me —
“Mark. Mark!” Mark was sitting bolt upright in the darkness, and there were hands on his shoulders. “Mark, it is was a dream, a glamour of the mind, no more.”
Mark gasped in air, scented like rain and dirt. There was no blood, no Endarkened, no Sebastian. He was in the cairn with Kieran, and there was rain all about them. “My — family —“
Kieran brushed back Mark’s hair with a care that would have stunned the Hunt. Mark leaned into the caress without thinking: he was aware only of Kieran’s hands, gentle against his skin. Like all faeries, Kieran had no calluses; the brush of his fingertips was like moth wings. Mark leaned into the touch, even as Kieran moved gently to stroke his shoulders, fingers gliding over the rips in his shirt.
“Your scars have healed well,” Kieran said; some months before, Mark had been whipped by members of the Hunt angry at the Shadowhunter government.
Mark drew back slightly. “But they are still ugly —“
“Nothing about you is ugly,” Kieran said, and because he could not lie, Mark knew he meant it. His heart seemed to contract, sending a rush of blood and heat through his body.
In all his time in the Hunt, there had been only Kieran to lift his despair, to transmute his sorrow, to heal his heart. He leaned in toward Kieran, not knowing quite what he meant to do — it was not at all the swift and elegant move he would have wanted it to be; their lips bumped warmly together, and his hands rose to stroke through Kieran’s hair, which was as soft as he had always imagined.
Kieran’s hands tightened hard on Mark’s shoulders — surprise, annoyance, Mark couldn’t guess; he was too horrified at himself. He pulled away from Kieran quickly.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”
Kieran reached a hand up to touch his mouth, fingertips against his lips. “But Mark —”
He didn’t finish. Mark, burning with humiliation, had pushed past him. Kicking aside the stones at the mouth of the cairn, he plunged out into the storm.
The rain was needle-like and driving, blown sideways by the harsh wind. Mark staggered a little, slipping on the wet grass outside the cairn.
He felt immediately foolish. The sky was a gray mist and he could see little all around him: dirt, green grass, the shadow of Windspear in the distance. The wind chilled him. And how was he ever going to face Kieran again? He was a Shadowhunter, he ought to know perfectly well that running away never solved anything.
Also, where was he going to sleep?
He was about to brave the cairn again, humiliation or no humiliation, when he heard a distant whinny. His blood ran cold. His horse. It was steep up here, unstable with shale and scree, slippery now with rain. His horse could have tumbled and be lying on the cliffside with a broken leg.
Forgetting his own personal woe for a moment, Mark splashed through the downpour to the edge of the mountaintop and looked down. Rain and shadows. Thunder cracked through the air and he thought he heard another whinny; dropping to hands and knees, he edged down a narrow path he imagined was usually trod only by goats.
Still nothing. He paused to catch his breath. Perhaps if he fell off the mountain he would be saved from the embarrassment of explaining to Kieran why he’d kissed him.
He stood up, pressing himself back against the cliff. He was standing on a wide ledge, with the mist and green of the Lleyn Peninsula spread out below him. In the far distance he could see the water of the Afon Menai, churning and gray. The sight of seawater always made him ache, reminding him of the view from the Los Angeles Institute.
Missing his family came back to bite at Mark savagely, along with a new pain: what if he had driven Kieran away? He had long ago determined it was worth it to keep Kieran as a friend even if Mark could have no deeper feeling from him. Other than Gwyn, Kieran had been the only one to show him kindness in the Hunt, and Gwyn could show only so much kindness lest the other Hunters think he had an unfair partiality. But Kieran — Kieran had held Mark after whippings or when wounded. Had given him water and folded blankets around his shoulders. Had saved aside portions of food for him. And more than any of those gestures, Kieran had spoken with Mark and listened to him; one did not realize how much one lost when no one spoke to you as if you were a person with worthwhile things to say until enough time had passed that the desperation was so intense you would begin to talk to rocks and trees. Kieran had given Mark back his humanity through the grace of ordinary affection and now Mark did not know how he would live without it.
He would go now, he decided, and apologize to Kieran. That was the right thing to do, the only thing to do, the only way to salvage things.
He clambered up the path and slipped on the wet earth; he tumbled and slid several feet, fetching up hard against a rock. Standing, he brushed at the mud on his clothes and realized two things: one, that he could see his idiot horse, cropping grass several feet away, looking unfazed by the weather. The second was that Kieran was standing on a few feet from him: somehow he’d returned to the cairn, though he didn’t know how.
“Mark!” Kieran said. His voice sounded hoarse, probably because of the wind. He looked wild-eyed, his newly short dark hair the deep black color it turned when he was upset. “Mark, where were you?”
“I went to look for my horse,” Mark said. “I mean, ah, not initially. I left because — “ He sighed, letting his hands fall to his sides. “I am sorry, Kieran. I didn’t mean to do what I did.”
Kieran’s eyes had narrowed. “You didn’t mean to do what?”
Mark wiped drizzle out of his eyes. “I’d rather not say.”
“Humans,” said Kieran, with surprising vehemence, “thinking that if they do not speak the words, they can unmake the past. Tell me, Mark. Tell me what you regret.”
“Kissing you,” Mark said. “If it was something you didn’t want, then I regret it.”
Kieran stood still as a statue, looking at him. He was already drenched, his clothes sticking to him. “And if it was something I did want?”
Mark raised his head. The words were like individual flames, lighting incredulous sparks along his nerve endings. “Then I don’t regret it,” he said in a steady voice. “Then it’s the best thing that happened to me since I joined the Hunt and the first few bloody seconds in I don’t know how many years that I’ve been happy.”
The words seemed to electrify Kieran. He almost stumbled getting to Mark across the rough ground. When he reached him, he pulled Mark into his arms, his fingers raking through Mark’s soaking wet hair. “By all the Gods, Mark,” he said in a shaking voice. “How could you not know?”
Mark said nothing; he was too surprised. Kieran was running his hands over Mark’s hair, his face, as if Mark were a treasure that had been lost and then, when all hope was gone, returned, and Kieran was examining it to see if it was still whole. “You are all right,” he said, finally, a catch in his voice. “You are uninjured.”
“Of course,” Mark said, as reassuringly as he could.
Kieran’s black and silver eyes gleamed. “When you ran out into the storm, I thought only of how dangerous Mynydd Mawr is, how many have fallen to their deaths here, and how if anything were to happen to you, Mark, how I myself would die. You are unbearably precious to me.”
“As a friend?” Mark said, completely dazed — Kieran was holding him, and touching him, half frantic and half adoring. It shouldn’t be possible. Kieran couldn’t feel like that about him.
“Mark.” Kieran’s voice flared. “I beg you, stop being obtuse, or I may jump off the mountain myself.”
“But —” Mark protested, and with a groan, Kieran kissed him.
This time Mark let himself fall headlong into the kiss, as if he really were falling off the mountain, into the sea. Kieran’s lips on his were firm and sweet and he tasted like smoke and rainwater. He gave a soft cry as Mark parted his own lips and the heat where their mouths were fused together seemed to double.
Mark had never kissed anyone before tonight, not really — there had been quick furtive touches at revels during dances, but in some part of his mind he had, he thought, been saving his first kiss. And he was glad he had, now, for he was dizzy with the heart-aching pleasure of it, the almost-pain of a desperate hunger that was finally being fed.
It was Kieran who pulled away first, though only to enough of a distance to cup Mark’s face in his hands and say wonderingly, “My Mark. The heart of my regard. How did you not know?”
“You’re a prince,” Mark said. “I’m — nothing. Not gentry, or court, or anything at all. Even now I cannot possibly believe you could truly care for me — though,” he added, hastily, “if desire alone is what you have to offer, I will take it.”
“I do desire you,” Kieran said, and there was a darkness in his eyes that made Mark shiver. “But it is not all I feel. If it were, I would have acted on it long ago.”
“Why didn’t you?” Mark said. “You could have had me for the asking — at any time or moment. I am the one overreaching, not you.”
Kieran shook his head. “Mark, you are a prisoner of Faerie,” he said, and there was despair in his voice. “We keep you chained to the Hunt! You would have had reason to hate me and all others like me. I could not imagine you could feel for me the shadow of what I feel for you.”
“You are not the one who has chained me,” Mark said. “It is the Clave, my own people, who left me here. I know who betrayed me, Kieran; I know those who I do not trust, and they have never worn your face.”
“Many would not be able to make that judgement,” Kieran said.
Mark brushed the back of his knuckles along Kieran’s cheek. The prince shivered. “Many would look at me and see only a Shadowhunter and enforcer of the Cold Peace.”
“I look at you and see the steadfast companion of my days and nights.” Kieran spoke in a whisper; his wet blue-black hair was pasted to his cheeks and neck. “I would love you even if you did not love me: I have loved you since I met you. I have loved you all this time, believing that you never could love me back. I have loved you without hope or expectation.”
Mark dropped his hand to grip the front of Kieran’s shirt. “Love me, then,” he said, in a rough voice. “Show me.”
Dark fire flared in Kieran’s eyes; he cupped his hands around the back of Mark’s head and held him in place while he bent to explore his mouth thoroughly, making Mark gasp: he sucked Mark’s bottom lip, teased at the corners of his mouth, ravished Mark’s mouth with long strokes of his tongue that left Mark pressing his body helplessly against Kieran’s, wanting more. He was wet to the skin with rain and shivering hard, but he didn’t care. He felt nothing but Kieran and the heat of his body and the torturing sensuality of his mouth.
It was Kieran who disentangled them, finally, Kieran who took Mark by the wrist and pulled him back toward the cairn. They crawled under its shelter, where the fire had burned down to glimmering coals. They knelt in the dirt and kissed frantically, tearing at each other’s clothes. Wet fabric ripped and was discarded, and when they were both unclothed they fell back among the tangle of cloaks and fabric and kissed until Mark was drunk with it: long slow dark kisses like the black waters of faerie streams that made humans forget. They did not speak, except once:
“Have you?” Kieran asked, half in shadow.
“No,” Mark said. “Not with anyone.”
Kieran paused, his hand splayed over Mark’s bare chest. He was gorgeous like this, in the firelight, pale skin and dark hair like a Michelangelo sketch in pen and ink. “In the Hunt, our bodies bring us only pain,” he said. “The agony of hunger and the pain of weariness and whips. Let me show you now what a miracle a body can be.”
Mark nodded and Kieran went to work with his hands and his mouth. He was unhurried in his intensity; Mark had not realized anything could be so rough and so gentle at the same time. Kieran touched him with such care that he imagined that where Kieran’s hands went, a stele passed bearing healing runes, smoothing his scars, erasing remembered pain.
He drew the pleasure from deep within Mark’s body, unspooling it slowly, like a banner unfurling. Mark’s breath came fast, and then faster. He reached to touch Kieran, wanting to give back some of what he was receiving, and was almost undone by Kieran’s sharp gasp of pleasure. By the feel of Kieran’s body under his hands: his skin smooth and fine-grained as silk, the angularity of his bones, his intense sensitivity, responsive to Mark’s lightest touch. He was shivering already as Mark stroked down his body, licked and sucked at his skin: finally he cried out and drew Mark beneath him, propping himself over Mark on his elbows.
His eyes were glazed, unfocused: Mark felt a sense of intense pride, that he could make a Prince of Faerie look that way. The pride only lasted a moment: Kieran grinned wickedly and rocked his hips in a way that shot fire through Mark’s veins, and everything else vanished. Mark clutched at Kieran: they were pressed together chest to chest and thigh to thigh and when the prince slid his hand between their bodies and began to stroke them both together, it was the purest physical pleasure Mark had known since he had joined the Hunt. Everything else was driven out if his mind, all complications and all loss gone with the wondrous realization his body was more than an instrument that brought pain or endured privation. It was capable also of wonders.
Kieran’s hands and fingers were like fire, fire that wrought unutterable joy. Mark closed his eyes, his body arching helplessly toward the prince’s. Kieran was gasping too, his body shuddering, and every shudder brought more friction and more pleasure until Mark thought he might die of it. He reached up to capture Kieran’s face between his hands and kissed him, deep and hard, and the kiss seemed to smash the last of the prince’s resolve: Kieran came apart just as Mark did, both of them trembling and crying out in each other’s arms.
In later times, Mark would not remember what he himself had cried or whispered in that moment, but he would not forget Kieran’s words, tumbling from the prince’s lips as he sank down into Mark’s embrace, for it would not be the last time Mark ever heard them.
“You will never be nothing to me, Mark Blackthorn,” Kieran said. “For you are all on this earth and under this sky that I do love.”
Afterward they lay in each other’s arms, Mark with his head on Kieran’s shoulder, and Mark told Kieran that he was right, that the stars could not be seen, even through the gaps in the cloaks above them.
“Count the coals in the fire,” Kieran said, his fingers in Mark’s hair. “Give them the names you treasure.”
And Mark did, though by the end, his voice was slurred with sleep; he drifted off, and for the first time in many years of wandering it was without a last thought of sorrow or of pain, but only of love, and how it outshone the stars.
27 notes · View notes
thorne93 · 5 years
Text
Unforeseen Chasm (Part26)
Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together.
Word Count:3140
Warnings: Language
Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my novels). It’s a collaboration with the amazing @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​​. It started as a funny “What if…?” and it evolved and got huge. This took two years to write. We are both proud and happy and we hope you enjoy it. It follows from Thor 1 to Endgame in the MCU. Some of the timelines may be off in order to fit certain people, and some characters may show up earlier or in different ways than they have in the movie. But for the most part, it follows the MCU. It also has a bit of crossover with some other Marvel characters throughout the story.
Masterlist for Unforeseen Chasm
Tumblr media
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following morning you couldn’t wait to talk to Shannon so you opened up the tablet, clicked the video chat app, and chose your only contact. For some people, one contact might seem lonely, but for you, that one contact was all you needed. 
She accepted the call and her stunning face lit up the window as you pulled your coffee close to your lips. 
“Morning, Y/N,” she greeted, pouring her own coffee, a tired look on her face. 
“Morning, hun.” You waved to her. “Any big plans for the day?” you wondered. 
“Kinda,” she answered after swallowing some coffee. 
You perked an eyebrow up. “Oh? I’m intrigued. What’s on the agenda?”
“Hoping to finish creating that surprise for you two,” she informed. 
You frowned at her, confused. “I thought the tablet was my surprise?” 
She smiled widely and giggled. “Nope, that’s for us to chat. But there’s this research I’ve been doing for a few months now but still no result. I feel like I’m missing something.” 
“What research?” you blurted out, not able to resist asking.
“It’s got to do with the genetic mutation in identical twins,” she informed. “Here. If you go to your office, you can project my notes and data from the camera that’s set up there. Just double tap the screen when you get there.”
You nodded and took your coffee and tablet to the office in the adjoining room, while she sent the files down to your cell. 
“Everything is there. I’m just having trouble identifying how it is that one of the two ends up with a mutation while the other doesn’t,” she commented, sounding frustrated. 
“Have you listened to Bach?” you asked, knowing that every time she listened to him, it jogged her mind. 
She stared at you through the tablet and deadpanned, “What do you think?” 
You laughed and held your hands up “Okay, okay. Fraternal or maternal twins? Raised in the same environment? What are Tony’s thoughts? Banner’s? They have a lot of experience with mutation… Did you call Charles?”
“Depends on the case. I have a few sets that are paternal and some there is a turn off, but they have the opposite effect with the mutations from each side. Tony doesn’t know. He is not really aware of what happened. Banner… he can help with just a small amount. The thing with the experience on mutation is that you know Bruce and becoming the Hulk but there’s not much you can get out of it because even his own studies have led to very little.” She began to read in her ledgers. “Speaking of, I’m actually I’m going to contact Charles later today. Hopefully he’s not that busy, and neither is Logan, and they can probably run some tests, figure out some stuff. Probably hit the ring to see what triggers some of my powers.”
Your face fell a little bit, remembering how you used to visit Charles with her. It made you miss him and all of the X-Men… “Oh, are your powers… bad? I mean.. Like, you haven’t consulted Charles in a long time,” you noted. 
She glanced over to the screen, noticing the change in your tone. 
“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. It’s not really any of my business if you powers aren’t going quite right,” you stated, laughing somewhat nervously, a pang of guilt hitting your gut. 
“Don’t worry, Y/N. It’s not that they’re bad. It’s just… they’re changing. I used to take people’s powers temporarily, but now, I can store them. And the shapeshifting and the flying. I’m rapidly mutating and I’m not sure what’s causing it…”
You nodded, listening to her, worried for her, and angry that you were locked in a cell with no way to help her. 
“Y/N… do you remember that one kid at the mansion who would feed off people's emotions and it became what he felt?” she asked, looking at you, hoping you remembered. 
Sadly, you didn’t, so you shook your head. “No, who was that?” 
“I can’t remember his name, but he had bumped into me one of those few times I went to train. And it seems I absorbed some of his powers and that what might be messing me up. It used to be very subtle, but now… now I can hardly get through an emotional event without it draining on me. Like when Steve had to carry me out,” she reminded. 
“You think it’s damaging you,” you said, summarizing for her. 
“I think it is,” she agreed. “If it’s emotionally strong, positive or negative, I just… The fight I had with Tony?”
“Yeah?” 
“I was so mad at what he was saying I hadn’t realized my weather powers had triggered and mixed with the laser beams I took from Cyclops and it mixed with your purple energy and things were thrown at Tony when I yelled at him. Thankfully one of his suits was there or I might have hurt him.”
You muttered, “I know what that’s like.” 
Shannon stopped what she was doing and put down her pen, giving you her full attention. “What do you mean you know what it’s like?” A moment later she added, “If you’re comfortable telling me, that is.”
“Ever since Thanos put this--” You showed your purple dark energy and then made it disappear “--inside me, it’s turned me into someone else… I was so angry all the time, at everything. It’s much better now, but I still get so much rage.” You looked up at the camera, facing her. “So I know what it’s like to not quite know what’s happening to your body… To have this… power… but it destroys you.” 
“It does. I’ve noticed I can’t keep up during training with Nat. Both of us being a part of the Red Room, we’ve kept to training like they taught us, but I’m just not as fast as I used to be.” She shrugged and looked a bit sullen. “It’s all still here,” she noted, pointing at her head with her pen. “It’s just that this is giving me trouble.” She closed her eyes, and then opened them, revealing  milky red eyes with purple swirls. 
“I can’t imagine how hard it is for you,” you commented. “To hold all those powers and finding out how to use them and keep them in check.”
“At least it hasn’t taken over… yet,” she remarked, staring down at her hands. 
“It won’t. You’re too strong for that,” you assured. 
Shannon smiled a small bit, glancing up to look at you through the screen, trying to find solace in your words. 
“I was hoping to see if I can get you out of there so that you can come with me to the mansion and we can both figure out what’s going on with our powers?” She sighed and reminded, “Of course, I’ll have to talk to Fury about it.” A groan escaped her just thinking about it, and you smiled slightly, remembering how much she did not like negotiating with the SHIELD director. 
Your face list up a million degrees. “You would really see about that?” 
“Of course. I want us to be able to get the help we need. We shouldn’t have to suffer at the hands of these powers.”
“I’m sort of public enemy number one. Not sure the world is ready for me to be out…” A deep frown followed your statement that didn’t go unnoticed by your friend. 
She lifted an eyebrow. “Well… technically, the world doesn’t know it was you. You know Charles, he’d probably help get you to the mansion without being seen, just to help you.”
A sly smile played on your lips. “Are you suggesting Nightcrawler break me out?” you teased. 
Shannon couldn’t help but start laughing jovially at your comment. “He’d probably have a blast getting out of there! That kid loves scaring Tony.”
You were so overwhelmed with the prospect of getting out, even if it was just for a few hours, that you had almost forgot about your fellow cellmate. Saness colored your face and tone. “I don’t know if I should Leave Loki though… That doesn’t seem… fair that I should get a day pass…” You glanced back toward your bedroom, a guilty look on your face. 
Shannon understood where you were coming from, so she offered, “I mean, it’s only if you want to. Besides, it’s not like we’re going out to shop. It’s to help you progress and reinstate yourself to the world.”
You bit your lip, noticing the wording. Reinstate yourself to the world… Right.. Because you were in prison. 
“Not to make that sound like you’re a felon!” she loudly corrected, turning back to the screen with a look of embarrassment. 
You waved it off. It wasn’t her fault you were in the situation you were in. 
“Let me talk to Loki?” you requested with raised eyebrows. “But I would love to see everyone again, and figure out how to get… this side of me out.” 
“Of course! Take whatever time you need. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to contact Charles, so let me know whenever you’ve made a decision.”
“I will. Thank you, Shannon. In the meantime, do you have anything physics related I can study? I am going bonkers down here…” You paused for a moment, before asking, “Does Tony mind you talking to me? Or sharing data? I mean, he’s still pissed at me… right?” 
This time, it was her turn to wave you off. “Forget Tony, he’s my problem, not yours.” She looked at you and smiled. “I could get you whatever Jane’s left unfinished? There are a few new things she got here.” She pointed to a stack of files on the nearby desk. 
“Please, send me anything, otherwise this gold mine is going to rot,” you joked, pointing to your head. 
“Well we can’t have that now, can we?” She giggled before talking to JARVIS. “JARVIS, send whatever files are in our system from Jane’s recent studies down to Y/N’s office.”
“Right away, Ms. Shannon. Is there anything else?”
“Let me know when Fury will be coming by the Tower or the complex, please?” 
“Yes, Ms. Shannon.”
“The files should be ready for you to look through, now. I’ll make sure any new data gets sent to you too.” Meanwhile, she was nodding her head while looking at the holographic data in front of her, swiping it to and fro. 
“I’ll let you get back to your work,” you offered, trying to hide the sadness in your voice. But her work and research was more important than keeping a prisoner like you company. 
She hummed. “Hmm? Oh, yeah, sorry. I just have a deadline for this and--”
“Shan, it’s fine,” you assured genuinely with a soft smile. 
She seemed to be relieved by your words. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later, okay? Don’t forget to talk to Loki and let me know?”
“I’ll let you know by the end of the day.”
“Thanks. Talk to you soon.”
The call ended. 
But no part of you could even be sad, for this had been the best gift you’d gotten in some time. Other than being allowed to share a cell with Loki, this was the next best thing.
-----------------------------
Loki was still asleep during your conversation with Shannon, but when he woke up and you made him a nice brunch, you decided to dive right into the touchy subject of you getting a day pass, and not him. 
“Uh, Loki,” you started as he ate his meal. 
“Yes, darling?” he asked, glancing up to you. 
You wrung your hands, knowing how this sounded. That you would be leaving Loki behind, that you were gaining freedom and he wasn’t. That you were not, in fact, equals, as you had said you’d been. As you always tried to prove to him. 
“Shannon.. She has an idea…”
“Is it an idea to break out of this?” he asked, pointing around with his eyes. 
“Well… actually… kind of.” 
He peered at you with a curious frown. 
“I told her about my powers, about how the thing Thanos pout in me is dark and it wears on me…” 
“Yes?” 
“Well… she’s going to Charles Xavier to get her powers looked at. It seems she has a mutation that’s causing her issues… And she said she might be able to get me a pass to sort of… go with her,” you informed nervously. You were so worried Loki would simply see this as a way of you gaining freedom, while he stayed behind. Or that you were somehow distancing yourself from him. 
“So you would get to leave?” he clarified. 
“Yes. She’s going to talk to Fury, and see if it’s even possible. It’s more like a trip to the doctor. I’ll be going to see if he can do anything about the power not being so…”
“Evil?” 
Your gaze slid to his as you nodded.
“My love, if you need to go, go. It will be nice for at least one of us to leave this cell, even if it’s just for a day.”
“Really?” you asked, hope swelling inside you.
“Yes, of course. Go, do whatever you need. I’ll be here when you get back,” he said with a sly smile and you couldn’t help but round the kitchen island and hug him tightly. 
-----------------------
As Shannon closed down her work and research for the day, she stepped out of the lab, somewhat exhausted, but simultaneously refreshed. It was amazing how just talking to you had lifted her spirit so much. She had only made it a few steps when Tony came up and greeted her. 
“Hey, babe. Mind walking with me?’ he asked.
“Ugh, Tony, I’m so tired... I think I just want to go sit and read for a little bit,” she said, hoping she wouldn’t offend him. 
“That’s fine, I just thought we could have a quick bite together?” he wondered, his eyebrows perched up,wanting to guilt her in with his innocent, irresistible look. 
She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Alright, alright. Yeah, let’s go grab a bite. What did you have in mind?” she asked as he led her down the hall toward the kitchen and dining area. 
As soon as the two of them rounded the corner, she was greeted with the Avengers and some other colleagues from around the tower. The people she’d hidden herself away from for the last several days.
“Surprise!” the group yelled. 
“What’s all this?” she asked, befuddled, a warm grin on her face. 
“We noticed you looked a little down,” Clint noted. 
“And you just got back,” Bruce added. 
“So they thought it would be nice to have a little welcome home dinner. Nothing fancy, just… the tower isn’t the same without you, babe,” Tony said, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.
“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” she said with a humble, sweet smile. 
“Nonsense!” Steve objected as Tony let go of her and Steve’s arm replaced it. “You deserve it. We all missed you.” 
“Well, thank you, all of you. I missed you too.”
---------------------------
Sometime later that evening, you called Shannon on the video chat. The AI found her closest device and opened up, displaying where she was. 
“Hey, Sha--” Was all you got out before you saw what was going on around her. It appeared to be a small party. Shannon had a drink in her hand, as did all the Avengers and a few other people you didn’t recognize. She was laughing and hitting Nat’s arm, while Tony and Clint were smiling and talking. Bruce seemed to be having a good time with the strangers, talking. 
At first, you were happy, a smile pulling at your lips, but just as you were about to join in, you realized -- you couldn’t. You couldn’t open your mouth and tell a joke, you couldn’t say anything to anyone… Because you were locked away, several floors below them, paying for your crime. Even if you did try to blend in, even if you did try to get anyone’s attention, you would be met with a resounding “fuck off”. Who knew what kind of pandemonium would’ve erupted if they knew you were contacting them. 
With a sad sigh, you swiped over to the texting app and sent Shannon a text, telling her that you were good to go.
You switched back to the video app, where Shannon pulled out her phone, smiled at it, typed a quick response, and pocketed it again. 
“Sounds good. I’ll talk to Fury,” she sent back.
Your face fell and you were about to close the app when you noticed Steve Rogers was looking at you. It seemed he had just glanced up. Your eyes met but you didn’t have it in you to try and smile to be polite. Steve gazed at you, and if you weren’t mistaken, you saw… sympathy in his eyes, in his slight frown. He gave you a tiny nod, and you returned it before your gaze dropped. 
Unable to bear the sadness, and downright pity for yourself, you closed the video app. Steve looked away, feeling sorry for you, but tried to get back to the party. 
Sulking, you closed the tablet and left it on the coffee table to get up and go to bed. 
Loki peered up at you from his magazine, a worried frown etched into his stunning features. “Darling?” 
“Hmm?” you hummed.
“Is everything alright? I thought you were going to call Shannon?” 
You turned slowly to face him. “Uh, I did. She was busy so… I'll catch up with her tomorrow,” you said, hoping to hide your disappointment. 
“Are you sure? You seem upset,” he commented as he stood and came over to you, putting his hands on your arms. 
“I’m fine,” you lied. 
He peered down at you with peculiarity. “If you’re not fine, you know you can tell me. If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll understand.”
You smiled up at him, loving that you could tell him anything. “Alright, that’s fair. I'm not fine, but I don’t feel like talking about it.” 
He smiled. “There we are.” He kissed your forehead. “I’m here if you need me.”
“I know,” you assured before leaning up to kiss him earnestly, but quickly. “Thank you. I just want to go to bed for now. I’ll let you know if I feel like talking.”
“Goodnight, darling. I’ll be in shortly,” he promised with warmth. He let go of you and you nodded slightly before heading to bed and curling up in your bed. The bed you lived in for the last several months… the bed you would probably live the rest of your life in. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tag List: @essie1876​ @magpiegirl80​ @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked​ @iamwarrenspeace​ @marvel-imagines-yes-please​ @superwholocked527 @missinstantgratification​ @thejemersoninferno​ @rda1989​ @munlis​ @thefridgeismybestie​​ @bubblyanarocks3​​ @igiveupicantthinkofausername​​ @kaliforniacoastalteens​ @feelmyroarrrr​​ @kaelingoat​ @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo​​ @damalseer​​ @heyitscam99​​ @yknott81​​ @sorryimacrapwriter​​ @glitterquadricorn​​ @xxqueenofisolationxx @little-dis-kaalista-pythonissama @bittersweetunicorm​​ @alyssaj23​​ @sea040561​​ @princess76179​​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​​ @sarahp879​​ @malfoysqueen14​​ @ellallheart​​ @breezy1415​​ @marvelmayo​​ @random-fluffy-pink-unicorn @cocosierra94 @hardcollectionworldtrash @capsmuscles @marvelloushamilton
@paintballkid711​
Loki: @lostinspace33​​ @ultrarebelheart​​ @lenawiinchester​​ @esoltis280​​ @tngrayson​​ @wangdeasang​​ @harrymewmew @jayfantasyatyourservice​​
UC:
@lokis-high-priestess​
32 notes · View notes
imagitory · 5 years
Text
HPHM Profile: Carewyn Cromwell
Tumblr media
<<<updated: 12/6/2020 // original template by @hogwarts-misery >>>
“I can’t just live my life however I want! Maybe I want to — sometimes I want to — sometimes I want to so much that I think of just saying ‘forget the Cursed Vaults! Forget about R and their death threats and the fear and the not-knowing-what’s-coming!’ But...I can’t. As long as Jacob is out there — as long as I don’t know whether he’s alive or dead — whether he needs my help or not — how can I put myself first?! How can I justify chasing the Quidditch Cup, or joining the Dueling Club, or singing in the Frog Choir, when anything great I might do won’t mean a thing, without my brother there cheering me on whether I win or lose!? How can I fight for my dreams...while not knowing if Jacob will be able to share them with me? What sort of person would I be? What sort of disgusting — selfish — cowardly — terrible person would I be, if I abandoned him!? How could I face my mum again — face myself again — if I just threw my brother away?!”
[PROFILE]
NAME | Carewyn Lane Cromwell
NICKNAMES | Carey (by her friends, especially Bill, Charlie, and Tonks); Winnie (by her mother); Pip, Pippa (by Jacob); Cursebreaker (by Andre) [Note: In AUs, Jacob calls Carewyn “Wyn” instead of Pip, as “Pippa” is a reference to the Robert Browning poem “Pippa Passes,” which often doesn’t exist in other universes. XD]
GENDER | Female (cisgender)
SEXUAL / ROMANTIC ORIENTATION | Asexual / Panromantic
[PERSONALITY]
In some ways, Carewyn is an ideal heroine. A bright, compassionate girl, she often finds herself drawn to those less confident than her and feels the urge to protect and take care of them. Even when she was very little, she ended up “mothering” her older brother Jacob by encouraging him to eat and sleep more and offering advice, just as much as he often “fathered” her by inspiring her and shielding her from any perceived threats. But don’t mistake this young Cursebreaker for a saint -- Carewyn actually is an incredibly proud person who protects her fragile, sensitive heart with a hard shell of seemingly unbreakable confidence and cool insight. There is nothing she hates more than showing her insecurities and fears, and so she does her best to always look her best and put her best face forward no matter what, even around the people she cares about. This means that almost none of her many friends have any idea about the demons Carewyn is secretly fighting in her pursuit of the Cursed Vaults and her brother. Carewyn dresses the part for whatever situation she’s in, and she always feels most comfortable when she feels in control and believes she has the moral high ground -- admittedly her moral compass is pretty strong on its own, but she also buries any more selfish and meaner feelings she has as deep as she can, pushing herself to be the best, most moral person she can be, even if it’s difficult for her. She wants to be everything that everyone needs, and unfortunately that can result in Carewyn setting standards that are way too high for herself and secretly resenting and berating herself whenever she falls short, or worse not even participating in something she thinks she can’t put all of herself into or wouldn’t do well in. Her self-loathing is so strong that when something traumatic happens to her (such as Jacob’s disappearance or the death of Redacted), she can suffer from severe spells of depression where she neglects her own well-being and as a consequence forcibly removes herself from the people around her so as not to let others see her in such a terrible state. Because of her own high standards for herself, as well, Carewyn also can be judgmental of others, not being prone to change her mind about a person easily. When backed into a corner, Carewyn can freeze up, but when her own self-preservation or her loved ones are threatened, she can bite back really hard, though she’ll almost always regret losing control after the fact. Carewyn has a very organized mind and works best when she has a plan and knows where she’s going at any given time -- ambiguity and mystery are not this girl’s friends. This sadly can result in her being a real stick in the mud, which makes her an easy target for pranks and mischief. Fortunately, despite her overly serious attitude, Carewyn has a nice dry sense of humor and is a very passionate, driven person. In her fifth year, she was even made a Prefect largely due to her protective, nurturing instincts, though it’s good to note that that doesn’t make her a rule follower. Carewyn only respects rules and the people enforcing them if they have earned her respect and she sees the reasoning behind them. If there’s one thing Carewyn can’t stand, it’s condescension. Carewyn’s core interests are singing (her favorite wizard band is the Weird Sisters and her favorite Muggle band is the Eurythmics), Charms, magical history, and magical creatures.
Tumblr media
[BIOGRAPHY]
DATE OF BIRTH | August 29, 1973 (Virgo)
BLOOD STATUS | Half-Blood
FAMILY INFO | Carewyn is the second child and only daughter of Evan Bach and Lane Cromwell. Carewyn’s mother Lane alienated her parents, younger brother, and older sisters -- a well-respected, but very overbearing magical family called the Cromwells -- upon moving to Wales and marrying Evan, who was a Muggle. Unfortunately Evan and Lane’s marriage took a turn for the worse after Jacob was born. Jacob’s magical abilities peeked through at an early age and were interpreted by Evan as deliberate misbehavior despite Lane’s best attempts to diffuse any tension. Nine years into their marriage, Evan and Lane were surprised by a late addition to the family -- their daughter, Carewyn. Rather than bringing Evan and Lane closer together, however, Carewyn’s arrival only seemed to drive Evan further away, as he already had had no instincts about how to be a father to Jacob and felt even less sure about how to raise a daughter. Deciding it was better to give up and just let Lane do what was best rather than mess up, Evan withdrew from Carewyn almost completely, leaving Lane and even his son Jacob to look after her. Fortunately Jacob, an nine-year-old boy at the time of Carewyn’s birth, adored his little sister immediately and went out of his way to coddle and protect her however he could. When Jacob turned 11 and received his Hogwarts letter, Lane was finally allowed by law to tell Evan about her magical heritage and the Wizarding World, but by that point, Evan and Lane’s marriage was so rocky that the revelation finally made it buckle and fall apart. Evan left his family that very night, leaving Lane heartbroken. Knowing her family would insist upon her returning to their estate in Yorkshire if she went to them for financial help, Lane instead charted out alone and raised her two children completely on her own while working as a magical historian and Runes expert. Although Lane, Jacob, and Carewyn lived in poverty for almost all of Jacob’s school career and Carewyn’s childhood, the Cromwells managed to dig their way out of debt a year before Jacob disappeared, now sitting on the perimeter of “lower-middle class.”
MYERS-BRIGGS TYPE | INFJ “The Advocate”
Tumblr media
[MAGICAL ABILITIES]
WAND | Hornbeam and dragon heartstring, 11 inches, inflexible (broken by Rakepick) // Laurel and phoenix feather, 12 inches, unyielding (nicknamed her “Excalibur wand”)
BOGGART | Voldemort [Carewyn’s greatest fear is a threat she has no hope of overcoming, fighting, escaping, or controlling...which, yeah, is Voldemort in a nutshell!]
ANIMAGUS FORM (IF ANY) | Robin
PATRONUS | Abraxan Winged Horse
[AFFILIATION]
HOUSE | Slytherin
QUIDDITCH POSITION (IF ANY) | She prefers playing Chaser in Quidditch friendlies, but she’s been reluctant to commit to the Slytherin team due to her extreme focus on finding her brother and fear of letting Orion and the others down.
PREFECT? | Yup!
[ACADEMICS]
BEST CLASS(ES) | Charms, Care of Magical Creatures, History of Magic (thanks to her mum!)
WORST CLASS(ES) | Transfiguration, Divination
OWL SCORES | 
Charms - O
Transfiguration - O
Potions - O
Herbology - O
History of Magic - O
Care of Magical Creatures - O 
Defense Against the Dark Arts - O
Tumblr media
[RELATIONSHIPS]
PARTNERS |
Andre — In the beginning, Carewyn was completely and totally dedicated romantically to Andre, having attended the Celestial Ball and gone on two dates with him. In the darkest part of her heart, though she was a bit afraid that she wouldn’t be “exciting” enough for Andre in the long term, given that he’s always been quite popular and outgoing and she’s only really gotten any esteem at Hogwarts for being a Cursebreaker, which she didn’t really ever want to be. Add onto this some tension brought on by the All-Wizard Tournament where Andre got so obsessed with winning that he took help from his girlfriend and then flat-out didn’t even consider helping her in return and Carewyn’s severe trust issues, and soon the two had a lot of trouble communicating properly. When times were good, they had a lot of fun together, but if they ever weren’t, the two just couldn’t seem to connect and fix it as a team. Not long after the All-Wizard Tournament, Carewyn finally told Andre she needed a break, and after a talk, they decided it was better to end their romantic relationship and try just being friends again. Despite the break-up, they both remain incredibly fond of each other and respect each other deeply.
Chiara — In the beginning of my game-playing journey, I had considered matching Carewyn with Chiara in the long-term. Ever since they first met, Carewyn has both identified with and greatly admired Chiara. Even if Chiara has had such a rough life, she remains ever gentle, kind, and forgiving -- everything, in essence, that Carewyn wants and tries to be -- all without seemingly even trying. She’s never expected anything from Carewyn, no matter how big her reputation as a Cursebreaker has grown, and is always supportive of her choices. She even wants to Heal others, even if her werewolf form is so hell-bent on destruction and harm. Chiara, meanwhile, identifies with and admires Carewyn just as much for her nurturing, sensitive heart, and thinks she’s one of the bravest people she knows. She understands Carewyn’s self-loathing from a first-hand perspective since she struggles with it herself, but she can’t understand it in the sense that she sees Carewyn as a truly wonderful, strong person who should be able to love herself just as much as she loves others. Carewyn frequently spends time with Chiara in her Animagus form during the full moon to keep her company, singing sweet songs to brighten her darker nights. A Chiara/Carewyn ending would’ve been what I considered the “Peaceful” ending, AKA the “Soft uwu” ending -- but it also sort of struck me that the two’s personalities and demons were similar enough that there wouldn’t be as much chance for growth for both of them, and there wouldn’t be as much action or engaging contrast in their interactions, as they would both be pretty universally supportive of each other except when they’re blocking the other out “for their own good.” Even if Carewyn doesn’t end up with Chiara romantically, though, she cherishes her as a friend and would do anything to make her happy.
Diego —  This option sort of came out of nowhere, but quickly developed from a crackship into a genuine ship for me, given that like Chiara, Diego would be able to bring some sunlight into Carewyn’s life and be a dependable partner who wouldn’t put high expectations on Carewyn’s shoulders. As for Carewyn, she finds Diego’s flirting absolutely hysterical. Part of this is because Carewyn herself is asexual, but she also just isn’t the sort to actively “flirt” with people. Funnily enough, however, Diego’s charm does end up endearing him to Carewyn anyway, though not for the reason it might charm others! Although she does find his behavior funny, she can still tell he’s sincerely trying to compliment the people he’s talking to, and he’s also amazingly modest despite his clear talent at wizard dueling. Add onto this that he likes dancing, and music-loving!Carewyn has found he’s an all-around pretty fun guy to spend time with. Diego also isn’t turned off in the slightest by Carewyn finding amusement in his flirting, either -- if anything, he finds it rather endearing, as Carewyn is usually so serious and he thinks she should laugh more often. A Diego/Carewyn ending would’ve been what I considered the “Fun” ending, AKA the “Romcom” ending -- but it also felt as though it was an ending that could only come to be and work well in peaceful times, with Diego not being as well-equipped in dealing with Carewyn’s darker spells or in dealing with more serious issues or deep heart-to-heart conversations.
Orion — This, after a lot of deliberation, is the final end-game ship I’ve decided for Carewyn post-Second-Wizarding-War. Orion really wasn’t what Carewyn expected out of a Quidditch captain when they first met in her third year and his fourth, but being related to two Ravenclaws, she actually finds his vague, philosophical bent kind of refreshing. It can still frustrate her sometimes due to her desire to plan ahead, but she sees how his off-kilter affect keeps others on their toes and, therefore, can shift control over a situation his way. (Rather appropriate display of cleverness, for a Slytherin.) Learning his backstory prompts a lot of empathy from Carewyn as well, given that she also didn’t have any real friends before attending Hogwarts, and she greatly admires how wise Orion has become both about himself and about life, even after going through what he’s gone through. After being on his team for that short time, Carewyn’s developed a lot of respect for Orion, and even after leaving, she’s remained very supportive of her house team and especially of Orion as their leader. Even if Carewyn’s not on the team, she keeps up with Quidditch not just out of love for the sport, but because of her desire to see Orion’s team do well. As for Orion, he got the sense they were kindred spirits ever since they first played side-by-side in the match against Hufflepuff and quietly laments that she’s never been a permanent member of his team. He frequently cites that Carewyn has “more fire than a Firecrab” -- although he can find it a bit overpowering at times, her passion was the thing that first sparked his interest in her, and over the years, Orion has come to see her as an equal, admiring her not just for that passion, but for her determination, courage, and selflessness. Orion and Carewyn are also both incredibly insightful, thoughtful, sensitive people who have the tendency to “create a family” out of their friends that they support and nurture in an almost parental manner. After Carewyn left the Slytherin team after the match against Hufflepuff, Orion attempted to persuade Carewyn to rejoin several times over the years due to his lingering fondness for her, even though he’s always respected her decision not to. It’s only after Carewyn returns to the team to help Slytherin win the Quidditch Cup for the first time in ten years and gets injured in the process that Orion learns that he and Carewyn have the same Patronus -- an Abraxan Winged Horse -- which, according to the old wives’ tale, suggests that they are soul mates. By then, however, Orion is set to graduate within weeks and he knows that Carewyn’s life is of course consumed with dealing with the Vaults. And so he decides not to pursue the chance of a relationship solely based on a superstition, however much he regrets his lack of action later. As adults, the two reconnect after the end of the Second Wizarding War and an unconventional romance starts between the two. This endgame ship gives Carewyn both things I wanted for her while shipping Chiara/Carewyn and Diego/Carewyn -- peace and fun -- while also matching her with someone who can bring some balance and positivity to her life and help her let go of her inner demons and yet who she can also defend, protect, and love with all of her fire. And because of their differences -- Orion being so chill, passive, and philosophical and Carewyn being so sensible, perfectionistic, and passionate -- they’ll constantly contrast and challenge each other too.
FRIENDS |
Bill —  The Weasley family overall filled the void in Carewyn’s heart that Jacob left behind, none more so than Bill. Carewyn adores Bill like few others and supports him in his Cursebreaking 110%, to the extent that she probably would help him do it even if it didn’t involve the Cursed Vaults. Bill quasi-“adopts” Carewyn into his family pretty early on, but only grows closer to and fonder of her over time, as she’s the first person who he’s ever been able to lean on the way he always let his siblings lean on him. Bill’s accompanied Carewyn to every single Cursed Vault, and he is her right-hand man when it comes to who she’d pick to help her with something dangerous. By the time Bill’s graduated, the two stand on relatively equal footing despite their age gap, and after the death of Redacted, Bill and Carewyn solidly become each other’s best friend and confidante, leaning on and supporting each other more than anyone else. The rest of Carewyn’s friend group likes to jokingly refer to her and Bill as the “Mum” and “Dad” of the group, given their shared tendency to “parent” the others. Bill was the one who coined the nickname “Carey” for Carewyn, and the rest of her friend group has totally run with it since, none more so than Charlie and Tonks.
Charlie — If Bill is Carewyn’s surrogate big brother, Charlie is Carewyn’s twin brother from another mother. Carewyn loves talking about dragons with Charlie. (They’re just so cool!) Charlie and Carewyn also like playing in Quidditch friendlies together, even if they’re in different houses, and they can often be seen handling Prefect duties together. Ever since Charlie, Bill, and Carewyn went into the Portrait Vault with Ben and Merula, the two Weasley boys and Carewyn have been closer than ever. Charlie and Carewyn in particular have latched onto each other in Bill’s absence, given how close both of them were to him. As adults post-Hogwarts, Charlie frequently crashes on Carewyn’s couch whenever he flies in for a visit from Romania, if his mother doesn’t insist upon him staying at the Burrow. Charlie and Carewyn refer to themselves as a pair as “Fireballs,” because Chinese Fireballs are the only dragons known to live among their own kind -- and so the word represents how Charlie and Carewyn see each other as kindred spirits.
Rowan — Rowan was Carewyn’s first friend at Hogwarts, but recently they’ve sort of been growing apart, due to Rowan’s extreme focus on academics and Carewyn’s extreme focus on finding her brother. For Carewyn, it feels like she’s changed a lot in five years -- starting as the shunned younger sister of the delinquent Jacob Cromwell and growing into a renowned Cursebreaker who has learned so much and made so many different friends and now tries to protect Hogwarts and her fellow students however she can -- while Rowan has rigidly stayed put where she was, remaining as studious and socially awkward as ever. Carewyn doesn’t resent Rowan for this -- on the contrary, she’s always admired Rowan’s single-minded ambition to be the youngest professor in Hogwarts history, damn what anyone else says, and wishes she had the luxury of chasing her own dreams that doggedly. But at the same time, Carewyn wouldn’t have felt good about herself, if she’d stayed the way she’d been when she first arrived. She sees herself as having been weaker, less competent, and less capable back then, while Rowan was always so brilliant and both emotionally and intellectually ahead of everyone else. Rowan and Carewyn have grown into very different people over the last five years, but Carewyn still loves and treasures Rowan like few people in the world as her first real friend and the friend that in some ways she wishes she could be more like.
Talbott  — The two at first didn’t see eye-to-eye at all, given that Talbott tends to hide most of his positive emotions at first and Carewyn hides her negative emotions constantly --- but once the ice broke between them, the two really connected and became good friends. Carewyn loves Talbott’s sense of humor and was also pleasantly surprised to find out what a great writer he is! She often volunteers to read whatever he’s working on, which kind of weirds Talbott out, but he secretly is happy she likes his stuff. When Carewyn wants some peace, she’ll take some time to fly around in her robin Animagus form, and she always loves it when Talbott joins her for a flight around the grounds. Carewyn often sings little tweeted songs the entire way, and even if Talbott teases her for it, he does actually really enjoy it. Post-Hogwarts they work together a lot, as Talbott is an Auror and Carewyn is a lawyer.
Ben — Ben was one of the very first people who Carewyn took under her wing, and even now, she remains a bit protective of him. She was always really proud whenever he expressed more courage and initiative in the past, but with the advent of sixth year, Ben has grown a lot more reckless and blunt, to the extent he could easily get himself into a dangerous situation and get hurt. Carewyn isn’t sure at all how to react to the development, but she doesn’t like it -- not one bit. Ben himself is struggling with how much Carewyn wants to look at him as someone to protect while never letting anyone else do the same for her. Because he’s known her longer than most, he’s seen Carewyn’s own dramatic transformation from a quiet, but overemotional little girl into a micromanaging, fussing, stoic, confident Mama Bear, and as much as he’s glad Carewyn’s gotten more confidence, he laments being on equal footing with his friend and feeling like he could help her as much as she helps him. Once they get their emotions and issues sorted, Ben and Carewyn become closer than ever, to the point that he, Merula, Charlie, and Bill are co-leader of the Circle of Khanna with Carewyn.
Barnaby — At first Carewyn couldn’t help but look down on Barnaby a bit given how dim he could be, but once he agreed to help her, she was surprised by how sincere and sweet he really was. Soon enough she felt her protective instincts kick in, and now she’s incredibly encouraging and supportive of him. These days you can usually see them chatting excitedly about magical creatures together in class -- Carewyn’s really happy to see Barnaby succeeding in Care of Magical Creatures as well as enjoying it, and Barnaby loves it whenever Carewyn sings to the creatures they’re working with in order to soothe them.
Jae — Although their personalities are pretty diametrically opposed, even down to house placement, Carewyn gets along pretty well with Jae. She doesn’t entirely see the appeal of him dealing with shadier merchandise, but he still agreed to help her when she needed to go to Knockturn Alley despite the risks and he’s a pretty sharp, resourceful person. Carewyn mostly just thinks he should push himself more, rather than just be content with where he’s at. After learning how much Jae likes cooking, Carewyn has enjoyed spending time with him in the kitchens whenever she wants to try out a new recipe.
Penny — Carewyn was actually a bit startled when popular Penny first took an interest in her in their first year. In their fifth year, Carewyn grew a bit more protective of Penny with the Portrait Curse capturing her younger sister, Beatrice -- now that Beatrice and Penny have started to grow apart, however, Carewyn now finds herself stuck between them, feeling sympathy for Beatrice’s position but still valuing her friendship with Penny.
Liz — Carewyn and Liz’s friendship is a bit more casual than others, but they’ve really connected well thanks to their shared interest in magical creatures. You can usually see Carewyn hanging out with her, Charlie, and Barnaby in Care of Magical Creatures.
Badeea — Art buddies! Carewyn is very encouraging of Badeea’s artistic talent, and the two love talking about music and Charms together.  
Tonks  — Carewyn greatly admires Tonks’s wish to be an Auror and loves how funny her imitations can be, but more often than not ends up being the butt of one of Tonks’s pranks.
Tulip — Like Tonks, Tulip loves pranking Carewyn. A LOT. Carewyn doesn’t find most of her jokes that funny, but can’t stay that mad at her.
Fred and George — Carewyn has only just met the twins, but she can already tell they’re going to be a handful. But they’re Bill and Charlie’s brothers, so in Carewyn’s mind, they are already family, so she feels a bit of protectiveness toward them.
Cedric — When Carewyn met Cedric, her first reaction was immense pity, given how much attention he’d managed to accrue in his first year alone when he clearly didn’t feel like he deserved it. Cedric reminds Carewyn of herself in first and second year, when she was still so shy and insecure whenever people would talk about her, so the Slytherin Prefect feels a lot of compassion for Cedric. She sort of hopes everyone will lay off him a bit so he can just have a normal school life without so much pressure.
Percy — Carewyn hadn’t thought she’d ever encounter someone that she would consider a stick-in-the-mud...until she met Percy Weasley. His rat Scabbers is kind of cute, though -- when he doesn’t bite!
Skye — Carewyn appreciates all of the help Skye gave her when she first started playing in Quidditch friendlies, but at present, she’s not talking to Skye, thanks to her going off and starting unfounded rumors about the Ravenclaw Beater, Erika Rath, the way that people spread rumors about Carewyn when she first started at Hogwarts. NOT COOL, SKYE. Orion deserves better than to deal with that sort of drama!!
Murphy — Both he and Carewyn are planners, and that’s great...but Murphy only plays Wizard Chess, a game he’s great at and Carewyn is terrible at, and that’s not so great.
Professor McGonagall —  The Deputy Headmistress is by far the professor Carewyn respects above all others. Even if she finds her class very challenging, she gives every assignment her all because of how much she respects McGonagall and wants to impress her. McGonagall herself nurtures a soft spot for Carewyn, even despite her being in Slytherin, due to her strong moral streak and desire to protect others.
Professor Flitwick — Charms is Carewyn’s best and favorite class, and Flitwick is a large reason why. Carewyn also really admires Flitwick’s talent in wizard dueling and is always thrilled to learn new dueling spells from him. Flitwick had a soft spot for Carewyn’s brother Jacob back in the day, since Jacob was in his house, and he’s nurtured a similar soft spot for Carewyn because of her great talent in and enthusiasm for Charms.
Professor Kettleburn — Carewyn adores Care of Magical Creatures and, by extension, Professor Kettleburn. She just really doesn’t want to lose as many body parts or clothing pieces as he has. Kettleburn always enjoys when Carewyn sings to the creatures in his class -- he finds it incredibly creative and entertaining.
Hagrid —  Carewyn loves Fang SO MUCH. And Hagrid too. Just not his rock cakes. And Hagrid...well, Carewyn’s just so tiny, but with such a big heart!
FOES |
Rakepick — Pre-Portrait Vault, Carewyn didn’t trust Rakepick as far as she can throw her, largely because she couldn’t get a good fix on her. Even Snape, who Carewyn clashes with at times, seems to have a wonky code of honor (META: largely because she is a Slytherin and -- more notably -- is at school before she could see how terribly he treats Harry and Neville!), but Carewyn wasn’t even sure if she could ascribe that to Rakepick. Her initial judgment seems to have been justified, given how Rakepick acted in the Portrait Vault -- but Rakepick’s betrayal, which was somehow even worse than Carewyn could’ve imagined, has only served to make the young Slytherin feel less sure on her feet, as she’s started to connect the dots and realize that her comrades may have trusted Rakepick for the some of the same reasons that they’ve trusted Carewyn herself. Rakepick and Carewyn have encouraged the others, but have also never trusted them with their true feelings or motives, and they both led them into danger all because of their desire to get to the Cursed Vaults. Although they pursued the Vaults for different reasons, they were both relentless, resourceful, stubborn and proud in their pursuit -- and in enlisting others to help them in that pursuit, they were both responsible for every terrible thing that ensued from it.
Ismelda — Carewyn really doesn’t like her intense interest in pain and suffering -- like...at all. Even if she might put on a strong, unflappable face, Carewyn is way too big of a bleeding heart to enjoy death or pain. Ismelda also considering using a Love Potion on Barnaby soured Carewyn to her quite a bit, though Carewyn is glad Ismelda changed her mind and they were able to come to some sort of a truce.
Merula — Their rivalry was much more intense when they were younger and Merula was actively bullying Ben and Rowan -- nowadays Carewyn just uses her help when it’s useful and ignores her when she’s being her usual awful self. After seeking counsel from her mother and Rowan, Carewyn was even nice enough to give Merula her spot on the Frog Choir, even if she’d really wanted it herself. Although Rowan staying constant and unchanging throughout the years is something Carewyn admires in her, however, she absolutely loathes the quality when it’s expressed in Merula. At the end of year 5, she and Merula came to something of a truce, but with the start of their sixth year, Merula’s taken a couple giant steps back in her evolution, which greatly frustrates and disappoints Carewyn. Carewyn wouldn’t ever call Merula her friend, but...well, she’d still been happy to see Merula had actually been able to prove her a little wrong and become a slightly better person. It’s awful to see her regress after going through that slight improvement.
Professor Dumbledore — Although Dumbledore is an amazingly powerful wizard with a very amiable attitude, over the years Carewyn has gotten very, very frustrated with how much she’s told to stop trying to deal with the Vaults. On top of that, the Headmaster of Hogwarts frequently obfuscates things a bit too much for Carewyn’s liking. She can sense that he is trying to be helpful, but that in a way makes things all the more frustrating, as she finds his methods so phenomenally misguided. Carewyn tries to conceal just how low her opinion of the man has fallen, but in truth she’s become rather resentful of him.
Emily —  Oh gosh. Given how fond Carewyn is of Bill and how ridiculously condescending and prone to bullying Emily can be, Carewyn understandably despises her. She hates her more than she ever hated Merula.
PETS (IF ANY) | Mimi (orange tabby cat), Sir Robin the Brave (toad), Lune (bat), Balto (Cruppy)
ANIMAL PRESERVE (IF ANY) | Wicket the Niffler; Tumnus the Porlock; Arjuna the Abraxan; Belle the Fairy; Esmeralda the Welsh Green; Leila the Thestral, Peter Quill the Knarl; Apollo the Hippogriff; Barnaby Jr. the Bowtruckle
34 notes · View notes
angrylizardjacket · 5 years
Text
Run to Paradise {Nikki Sixx} Part 21
21. you look like a man you’ll never meet
Summary: They all have houses! The tour is over! Lola and Nikki fight about what is and isn’t a shitty father! 
Warnings: uh, drinking and drugs and blowjobs in ikea but not explicitly. arguments about shitty parents.
ragtag bunch of misfits: @starlalove @toofasttofallinlove  @xrosegoldwolfx @obsessivesky  @trpwthme @lovehelpmewrite @colsons-crue  @marvelismylifffe  @lilytalebi @glitterdreamsz  @freddiessmallnipples @crazysaladchopshop @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies  @dramatique-moi  @missqueeniewrites @calspixie  @aryssav @catsoo12  @sweetshutter @silvertonguedserpent  @shamelessobsessions @lavenderbones22  @keepcalm-and-beyou @scarecrowmax  @nicholeh7 @unknownoblivion
{masterlist}
Three houses. No license. Three different sets of emotions and feelings that can pass for love. More money than her family ever had locked in a safe in the back of her closet with her piano score books.
When they get back from tour, the four of them clear out what little shit they care about from the apartment. Vince doesn't even bother coming to collect anything.
"If I've left any shit there, burn it."
Tommy, after hearing that, follows his lead, but he comes along for nostalgia, if nothing else. Nikki collects a few stashes of drugs and cash that he'd left behind in case of emergency. Lola collects up the porn magazines and piano sheet music she'd left in the closet, along with a folded up piece of paper that Tommy snatches the moment it catches his interest. His expression turns amused as he unfolds it.
"You have got the weirdest fuckin' spank bank, Lo," he turns the photo to Nikki, who laughs, though Lola's expression sours considerably and she tries to awkwardly get the picture back, "seriously, in with all those nudie mags you've got a fuckin' photocopy of a burnt picture of an old, Hawaiian dude?" He squints at words written on the back, reads out the first of two names; "Oh, Maleko Fields, sounds saucy, or is he Kaitlin?" Lola actually flinches at that, but he doesn't seem to notice, "Either way, I've gotta hand it to you, that's an extremely specific-"
"That's my dad, you asshole!" It comes out as a growl, and Tommy's face falls. Lola grabs the old picture back, carefully refolding it and tucking it into the front of one of the piano books.
The three of them are looking for places, but they crash on Vince's sofa until they find ones they like, though it doesn't take long. They're not exactly picky, just wanting something gaudy, with a good view, and a pool, and more bathrooms than any of them rightly need. Lola doesn't care much about how the house is decorated, but she calls up Doc the morning after she and Nikki are given the keys; she wants a piano, and she wants him to put her in touch with whoever can give her the gaudiest, most expensive piano known to man.
"I want Elton John to have fucked on it, I want those keys diamond encrusted, I want Freddie fucking Mercury to have done coke off of it, I want the Piano Man piano!" She announces, standing in the sparsely decorated living room, hand on her hip, looking out the window, already feeling herself getting bored of the conversation and wanting to explore the balcony and the view beyond.
"Are you fucking high? It's not even nine," Doc grumbles. It's a Sunday, Lola doesn't even consider for a second that she might have woken him up. If you pay enough money, anyone will get up when you ask, real estate agents and band managers alike, is how she reasons it.
"Of course I'm fucking high, and I've got a house of my own and cash to blow; I want what Johann Sebastian Bach had! I want Tchaikovsky, I want Stravinsky, I want fucking Gershwin!" She demanded, getting louder and more dramatic with each name she rattled off.
"If you yell one more composer at me, you're fired." Doc cuts her off, before yawning, "listen; you guys are coming in next week to start work on the new album, right? I'll get a number for you by then if you promise to make sure they're here on time."
"On time?" Lola actually laughs. Doc sighs, and gives her an hour leeway, but they come to an agreement.
Nikki's still asleep on the mattress on the floor of their new bedroom, but Lola's strung out body clock had her up at four in the morning, and she hasn't been able to get back to sleep. She watched the sun rise over the LA skyline on one side of the house, lost track of time watching the ocean from their balcony on the other side while drinking a bottle of spiced rum, swam naked in their brand new pool, and tried to make a list of all the furniture they needed to buy, but just ended up writing sofa and underlining it five times as she lay on the plush carpet of the living room.
The photocopy of the photo of Lola's father sits on the kitchen island, staring silently at the ceiling; Nikki calls it creepy when he wakes up. He laments for a moment about not having a fridge before pulling a beer from the case they'd opened the night before in celebration.
"Why is it burned?" He asks, cracking the can, "and why haven't you finished the job?" He snickers and takes a loud, obnoxious sip. Lola gives him a shove, glaring down at the picture for a long moment.
"Because he's fuckin' out there somewhere, and what if I forget what he looks like?" She turns, raising her eyebrows at Nikki expectantly.
"So you keep it around so you know who to burn when the real thing shows up?" He asks, and Lola scowls. "Why don't I know shit about your parents?" Nikki asks bluntly. Lola takes the drink from his hands and begins to gulp it down, but he steals it back, and ends up getting beer all over both of them in the struggle.
"I'm not gonna burn my dad," Lola, beer covered and strung out at midday on a Sunday, speaks in a tone that Nikki can't quite identify. Her hand comes up to scratch at her shoulder blade, and he's not even sure if she's aware that she's doing it. "He was great, okay? When he was around he was great. When - when he comes back, I wanna show him that I'm better, alright? That - you know what? Fuck it, I don't have to explain shit to you, Nikki." Her whole face scrunches up and she picks up the photo.
"If he was such a great fuckin' guy, why'd he leave? Great dads don't fuckin' do that-"
Lola pushes Nikki had enough that he actually falls on his ass, and there's tears in her eyes.
"I get that you're dad's an asshole, Frankie, but-"
"Shut up!" Nikki snaps, scrambling to his feet, expression furious, "you fucking bitch, that's not my name-"
"Don't talk shit about my fucking dad!" Lola steps up to him, her hands braced against his chest, but he catches her wrists before she can shove him again.
"He sounds like a fucking dirtbag!"
"You're the dirtbag; don't take your daddy issues out on me!" Lola doesn't fight his hold, just glares up at him as tears begin to flow down her cheeks. Nikki's mouth is pressed into a thin, unhappy line.
"A dirtbag with daddy issues, and mommy issues; a slut with no standards, no taste, and good hair?" He laughs but it's bitter; he won't let her go, still holding her to him by her wrists. Lola's still crying, face twisted and angry, but she doesn't step back or try and escape his grip, "we're two sides of the same fuckin' coin, Kaitie, and I know from shit dads. If your fuckin' dirtbag dad wasn't there when he could have been, when he should have been, then he's shit." His grip on her hands tightens just a little. "No exceptions. Burn his picture."
The damn bursts and Lola actually wails, presses her forehead to Nikki's chest. He doesn't hug her, his expression is stony as he tries not to think too hard about the moment he found himself in. He'd made Lola cry.
"You look just like him anyways." He's not sure what he means by that, and he's not even sure if Lola registered it.
"I hate you." He hears her sniffle quietly.
"You'll get over it."
It's the worst fight they've had in a while, and Lola pins her father's photo directly to the living room wall out of spite. She stays with Tommy for a few days, but Nikki still doesn't touch the picture.
With Tommy, she actually goes grocery shopping with him, as strangely domestic as it is. They take turns pushing the cart too fast down the aisles while the other rides on the front until Tommy loses control and Lola ends up winded and crushed against the cereal boxes. They try to cook together and almost start a fire, and end up eating pizza that first night Lola stays at the house. Tommy's sofa is excessively big, and they could easily spread out in space of their own, but they enjoy being tangled up with each other while Invasion of the Body Snatchers plays on his brand new TV.
If she never wanted to go back to Nikki, she knows she probably wouldn't have to. They haven't even been living together officially for two days and they're already fighting. Her body clock is fucked, and she contemplates her life at five in the morning, watching the gentle rise and fall of Tommy's chest with his breathing as he sleeps soundly.
She loved Tommy, and she knew he loved her, and the same could be said for Vince, and even Mick, though to a much lesser extent. The point is, if she wanted to keep running from herself, she'd never lack accommodation, she'd never lack love, in one way or another. Doc had once told her that she was very easy to love, when she wanted to be, very easy to be endeared towards when she wasn't spitting acid or starting a fight or kicking up a stink. Even Doc himself admitting to being rather endeared to her, though he clarified that 'it's like the love you have for a rescue animal, a stray you nurse back to health and give to a shelter'. She's smacked him angrily, and told him she was a person. Doc agreed, but his words had stuck with her.
Very easy to love. Very hard to like.
When she gets back to her house, it's almost six, almost sunrise, the house is still mostly empty, and Nikki's awake. The picture's still on the wall, and he's sitting on a deck chair on the balcony with a bottle of Jack for company. The sun rises on the other side of the house, but he's fixated on the ocean.
"His name was Maleko, and my mom's name was Irene."
"I didn't-" he seems confused to see her there at all. But Lola's quick to cut him off.
"Shut up, I'm telling you about my parents," Lola grabbed the bottle from him, sitting cross legged on the cool tiles right by him, looking out at the ocean.
"Why?"
"Because I've know you for years, and it's weird that I haven't told you about my family, okay? You were right." She tipped the bottle back, swallowing hard.
"You look like your dad," Nikki's voice is softer this time, though it's neither positive nor negative, and Lola snorted a laugh.
"Yeah, it was the only part about me mom liked after he left." She inhaled sharply, passing back the bottle, "like I said, his name was Maleko, but from what I can remember, he went by Leo, and I don't know why he left, but he's not a damn dirtbag, okay? He was kinder than my fucking mom ever was, and-" she clenched her jaw, pausing for a moment to search her jacket pockets for her cigarettes, before lighting one, "and listen, I just wanted him to be proud, I just wanted him to smile again, because I swear that motherfucker was made of sunshine." She angrily wiped a tear from her eye before it spilled.
Nikki was quiet for a very long time, didn't know what to say, still up from the night before, and drunk as all hell. He reached out and scratched at Lola's scalp gently, in liu of a reaction. She just laughed.
"Why- why 're you back?" Nikki asked finally.
"Do you like me, Nikki?" She counters with, and Nikki hums a little, still scratching her hair.
"Of course, you're one of the few assholes I can put up with for more than a few days at a time," it's not the highest compliment in the world, but Lola's beaming nonetheless.
"I think I like you too," she snorted. Nikki's stopped scratching her head and is raising the bottle of Jack to his lips, frowning.
"Did we go back to the damn third grade? What's gotten into you?"
The house is undecorated because Nikki says he didn't have the patience to not go into a homicidal rage in IKEA. He won't admit that it felt weird to be buying furniture for their house without Lola. It's decorated mostly in blacks, or dark chestnut wood, and the bedframe is strong enough that Lola won't break it if she's tied up to it, and Lola buys a frame for her father's photo. They buy a new sofa, and Lola feels the strangest, most irrational twinge of guilt, like she's betrayed the sofa they pulled off the curb all those years ago; she tells Nikki and he smirks, offers to buy a box cutter and slash the sofa up to make it feel like home.
"Or we could just fuck on it until it's got just as many stains," he grins, it's all sharp teeth and the promise of a bigger bite.
"Now you're speaking my language," she smirks back, and she grabs his hand, pulls him behind a display bedroom set with a particularly large cupboard. She sucks him off before some underpaid assistant can interrupt them, and he repays the favor in the store's bathroom, and somehow this is the strangest situation they've ever gotten each other off in. Clubs, pubs, hotel pools, closets at TV studios, parks, alley ways, any number of places on tour that Lola honestly doesn't remember - they've got nothing on a furniture store where they're deciding on furnishings for their shared house. Lola doesn't want to think about why that is, so she just enjoys the moment.
It seems like no time at all before they're back in the studio, and so when they're not working, they're drinking, and partying, and using their mansions the way LA mansions often found themselves being used; for parties.
Tommy's out every night in LA, still looking like he could walk on stage at any minute, but he has a few starlets calling him up every so often. If he's not at clubs, he's with the Vince at a strip club, and sometimes Nikki's with them, though Lola's there about as often as Vince. Vince himself got his heart caught on a woman he meets at a club named Sharise, who is lovely and loud and beautiful, and she calls Lola 'sweetheart' without making it sound condescending, even when she's coming out of Vince's mansion and Lola's coming in, both fully aware of the situation at hand.
"I'm pretty sure she doesn't actually know my name," Lola sits on Vince's marble countertops in her underwear, eating grilled cheese in the afternoon. Later, Tommy and a few other guys Lola sort of knows will be around, pregaming before they hit the town. Maybe Sharise will come by, maybe she'll bring friends; Lola likes when she brings friends, finds she likes getting ready to go out with girls, sometimes even more than getting ready with the band.
Back in the present, with Lola on the counter, Vince laughs where he's mixing a bunch of spirits in a fancy glass and calling it a cocktail, even though it seems closer to molotov rather than anything you'd be able to find at a bar.
"Sorry, baby, do you want a formal introduction?" He asks, and offers the drink to Lola to try.
"Needs more Captain Morgan," Lola wrinkled her nose after a hearty gulp, handing it back, "and yeah, maybe, I don't know; you seem pretty serious about her."
"Why've you gotta keep drinking like you're broke, at this point I'm begging you to get better taste," Vince took back his drink with a faux wounded expression, holding it to his chest before he took a tentative sip. Lola's eyes shined with amusement.
"Believe me, lover boy, you don't want me to raise my standards in any way, shape, or form." Her leg comes down from the counter, dangling by the cabinets, and she leans back onto her elbows, cheeky smile on her lips as she poses, a challenging look in her eyes.
"Ouch," Vince snorts, but he's clearly not hurt by her words as he leans in and kisses her. When he pulls back, however, he's more contemplative than Lola's used to seeing him, and he sips his drink again before letting his thoughts form words; "I mean, yeah, Sharise-" he pauses, "there's just something about her, dude, she's hot and sweet and fuck, she's got a real bite to her-"
"Of course, you wouldn't like her half as much if she wasn't at least a little bit mean to you," Lola teased.
"Watch it, it's the only reason I keep you around anymore," Vince fires back with a smirk, and though they both know it's not true, Lola plays along.
"Oi! I also give fantastic head."
Sharise is going to be around for a while, and she and Lola get along well enough, so Vince will walk that tightrope as long as he possibly can.
Lola splits her time between houses, between her partners, although occasionally Tommy will spend the night with her and Vince, or her and Nikki, though Nikki's never been one to take the initiative the way the others would. Both Vince and Nikki's places have a piano, while Tommy has a keyboard in his studio, and Lola finds herself playing more and more.
For a while, for a good, long while, Lola thinks she might be happy. She finds herself taking less pills, if only to clear her head enough to remember how to play her favourite songs, though she's still drinking rum like it's water, and taking more coke than any reasonable person probably should.
It won't last, this feeling, this contentment, she knows it won't last, but right now, she's playing Elton John, watching the sun set over the Ocean, while Nikki applies his eyeliner in the bathroom, and Vince is singing along where he's eating Chinese food in the kitchen with Tommy. Someone rings the doorbell, and she can hear more cars pulling up, and there's a strange, warm pride that fills her chest.
56 notes · View notes
commsroom · 2 years
Text
i love that the information on hera's servers is just something she (mostly) has access to and it isn't inherently part of her or necessarily something she knows, exactly - that she has to actively read the books available to her, that she doesn't commit all of the information she processes to memory, that her memory is fallible and influenced by her own biases, etc. because it means sometimes eiffel is like, wow, hera!! you're so smart; you know everything!! and meanwhile she's doing the equivalent of like, googling stuff really fast.
#wolf 359#w359#hera wolf 359#the show can be kind of inconsistent and/or vague about what information hera has access to#like. all three of these examples are music related i'm realizing:#she's able to find information about janis joplin#she's able to identify bach#and she references anarchy in the uk back at eiffel#all of those examples are from at least early-ish episodes however#if hera had access to music the way she has access to writing#that feels like it would have to come up. so the only other reasonable explanation#is that all of those things happen to be referenced in files she's able to search#which seems reasonable i guess? that there might be biographies or books on the history of music or books containing sheet music#though i think re: classical music it's possible she could've been introduced to it pre-hephaestus#there's not really much we know about that either like. what information goddard gives their AIs or what tests are run on them. exactly#all of which is just. something to think about.#anyway hera IS smart but that's about her as a person and how she processes information#not the information itself#i still kinda love the idea that the way she navigates her directories#would get a 'you do WHAT??' type reaction if she ever talked about it with another AI#oh also there's something to say about hera's servers vs. the information recall the dear listeners gave eiffel#like i kinda wish they could've talked about that i think it would've helped him understand her situation better
79 notes · View notes
jobey-wan-kenobi · 5 years
Text
Beatles’ kids in their natal charts
Hey nerds, I applied a modified version of a technique promoted by modern astrologer Carol Rushnan to predict children from a natal chart to our boys. Aaaand you can probably guess what I found.
The Technique
I’ve been surprised how often this works: 
1) Find the planet that traditionally rules the sign on the cusp of your 5th house (house that rules childhood). 
2) Count how many aspects that planet has. These aspects should only be to other planets, not points such as AS, MC, or nodes. (Technically, according to Rushnan, these aspects should be “major,” although I personally have encountered only two charts where discounting the minor aspects appears to make number of children more accurate—one is below. And, even in those cases, I cannot rule out a secret child... )
There are, categorically, no universal formulas in astrology; the same life events can be “drawn” variously in the movements of the stars, probably because they carry difference significance in different lives. This technique doesn’t “work” on all charts (it doesn’t on mine). When it fails, I find the chart has more obvious indicators of offspring (for instance, the planets in the 5th house) that may convey information such as disposition to parenthood, stage of life where a family is begun, or quality of relationship with the kids, instead of mere number.
Still, I had to try applying this “trick” to everyone I knew, including my four emotional support musicians... 
Ringo
His 5th house ruler is the moon (Cancer), and it’s hard to see on this graphic but his moon has 3 conjunctions plus 2 squares, for a total of 5 kids.
Ringo has three biological children but also gained two stepchildren when he married Barbara Bach. I am positive that, given the longevity of this union, he easily came to regard himself as having five adult children in his life (even if Zak appears to me to be his favorite). 
The blog Milky Way Maid did this gold-Starr analysis first, starting us down this path...
Tumblr media
Paul
His fifth house begins in the sign of Capricorn and is ruled by Saturn. It has five aspects (you may have to look twice to see it on this graphic, but it forms a sextile to both Pluto and Mars). Like Ringo, his count includes a stepchild, Linda’s daughter Heather, whom Paul adopted. 
(Just a fun sidenote: The three wee McCartnees that I could find birth time info for 1) were definitely the three most private children—Heather, Mary, and Beatrice, and 2) all have the elusive Pisces at Midheaven. I would love to have that info for Stella and James.)
Tumblr media
John
Leo is on the fifth. This makes the house’s ruler the Sun, which has three minor aspects to other planets: quintile Pluto and inconjunct Jupiter and Saturn.
Obviously, the two inconjuncts represent Julian and Sean (man, we could argue all day long about which is Jupiter’s and which is Saturn’s child...) 
I’d probably be more convincing to skeptics if I identified the Pluto aspect with Kyoto, his stepdaughter, and just left it at that. But a chart does not represent one’s family so much as one’s perception of the family. I am not so sure John ever developed a paternal relationship with her before the girl’s father was able to cut off all contact with Yoko, and this chart instead strongly brought to my mind Yoko’s miscarriage in ‘68 (Pluto ruling death as well as secrets). She suffered subsequent miscarriages as well, but it makes sense that John mourned a lost baby the first time, not bonding to future unborn children due to lowered expectations and concern for his wife. 
Perhaps I’m just needlessly complicating an interpretation that otherwise seems easy and perfectly accurate. But there’s no point to astrology unless it gives us insight. This chart made me very conscious of a fact that I had technically already known but not appreciated: John suffered a trauma during an infamous period of bizarre behavior... a period that has often been analyzed while minimizing or outright ignoring that event. 
Tumblr media
George
Pisces is on the cusp of his 5th house; its traditional ruler, Jupiter, has one aspect, an opposition (Mars—male child), obviously representing Dhani. 
(Yes, I know there is also an aspect to Uranus, but it’s a freakin’ semisquare. Quintiles and inconjunctions are definitely the weakest aspects I can discuss without my eyes starting to roll and glaze over... you can invent mathematical connections in a closed environment pretty much infinitely. That said, I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that George, alone of all the four, was aware via legal settlement of an illegitimate child that he actually gave half a damn about.) 
Tumblr media
Food for thought: I also rather want to read into the house placement of 5th house rulers. Paul and George’s high-minded, intentional approaches to parenting (9th house) vs. Ringo’s playing a more conventional masculine role as a family man (5th house); John’s troubled journey as a father relating to 6th house themes of servitude (John felt trapped by obligation to his first family) and health problems (the many miscarriages and mental health struggles en route to founding his second).
tl;dr: The planets chose to manifest the number of offspring in the Beatles’ Placidus natal charts according to the same pattern—via significant aspects with the ruling planet of the 5th house. 
7 notes · View notes
Text
Unforseen Chasm (part 26)
Tumblr media
Part 26 of Unforseen Chasm
Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together. Word Count: 3140 Warnings: Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93 what was first a simple “what if” moment turned into a two year writing session and I’ve never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Tumblr media
The following morning you couldn’t wait to talk to Shannon so you opened up the tablet, clicked the video chat app, and chose your only contact. For some people, one contact might seem lonely, but for you, that one contact was all you needed. 
She accepted the call and her stunning face lit up the window as you pulled your coffee close to your lips. 
“Morning, Y/N,” she greeted, pouring her own coffee, a tired look on her face. 
“Morning, hun.” You waved to her. “Any big plans for the day?” you wondered. 
“Kinda,” she answered after swallowing some coffee. 
You perked an eyebrow up. “Oh? I’m intrigued. What’s on the agenda?”
“Hoping to finish creating that surprise for you two,” she informed. 
You frowned at her, confused. “I thought the tablet was my surprise?” 
She smiled widely and giggled. “Nope, that’s for us to chat. But there’s this research I’ve been doing for a few months now but still no result. I feel like I’m missing something.” 
“What research?” you blurted out, not able to resist asking. 
“It’s got to do with the genetic mutation in identical twins,” she informed. “Here. If you go to your office, you can project my notes and data from the camera that’s set up there. Just double tap the screen when you get there.”
You nodded and took your coffee and tablet to the office in the adjoining room, while she sent the files down to your cell. 
“Everything is there. I’m just having trouble identifying how it is that one of the two ends up with a mutation while the other doesn’t,” she commented, sounding frustrated. 
“Have you listened to Bach?” you asked, knowing that every time she listened to him, it jogged her mind. 
She stared at you through the tablet and deadpanned, “What do you think?” 
You laughed and held your hands up “Okay, okay. Fraternal or maternal twins? Raised in the same environment? What are Tony’s thoughts? Banner’s? They have a lot of experience with mutation… Did you call Charles?”
“Depends on the case. I have a few sets that are paternal and some there is a turn off, but they have the opposite effect with the mutations from each side. Tony doesn’t know. He is not really aware of what happened. Banner… he can help with just a small amount. The thing with the experience on mutation is that you know Bruce and becoming the Hulk but there’s not much you can get out of it because even his own studies have led to very little.” She began to read in her ledgers. “Speaking of, I’m actually I’m going to contact Charles later today. Hopefully he’s not that busy, and neither is Logan, and they can probably run some tests, figure out some stuff. Probably hit the ring to see what triggers some of my powers.”
Your face fell a little bit, remembering how you used to visit Charles with her. It made you miss him and all of the X-Men… “Oh, are your powers… bad? I mean.. Like, you haven’t consulted Charles in a long time,” you noted. 
She glanced over to the screen, noticing the change in your tone. 
“If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. It’s not really any of my business if you powers aren’t going quite right,” you stated, laughing somewhat nervously, a pang of guilt hitting your gut. 
“Don’t worry, Y/N. It’s not that they’re bad. It’s just… they’re changing. I used to take people’s powers temporarily, but now, I can store them. And the shapeshifting and the flying. I’m rapidly mutating and I’m not sure what’s causing it…”
You nodded, listening to her, worried for her, and angry that you were locked in a cell with no way to help her. 
“Y/N… do you remember that one kid at the mansion who would feed off people's emotions and it became what he felt?” she asked, looking at you, hoping you remembered. 
Sadly, you didn’t, so you shook your head. “No, who was that?” 
“I can’t remember his name, but he had bumped into me one of those few times I went to train. And it seems I absorbed some of his powers and that what might be messing me up. It used to be very subtle, but now… now I can hardly get through an emotional event without it draining on me. Like when Steve had to carry me out,” she reminded. 
“You think it’s damaging you,” you said, summarizing for her. 
“I think it is,” she agreed. “If it’s emotionally strong, positive or negative, I just… The fight I had with Tony?”
“Yeah?” 
“I was so mad at what he was saying I hadn’t realized my weather powers had triggered and mixed with the laser beams I took from Cyclops and it mixed with your purple energy and things were thrown at Tony when I yelled at him. Thankfully one of his suits was there or I might have hurt him.”
You muttered, “I know what that’s like.” 
Shannon stopped what she was doing and put down her pen, giving you her full attention. “What do you mean you know what it’s like?” A moment later she added, “If you’re comfortable telling me, that is.”
“Ever since Thanos put this--” You showed your purple dark energy and then made it disappear “--inside me, it’s turned me into someone else… I was so angry all the time, at everything. It’s much better now, but I still get so much rage.” You looked up at the camera, facing her. “So I know what it’s like to not quite know what’s happening to your body… To have this… power… but it destroys you.” 
“It does. I’ve noticed I can’t keep up during training with Nat. Both of us being a part of the Red Room, we’ve kept to training like they taught us, but I’m just not as fast as I used to be.” She shrugged and looked a bit sullen. “It’s all still here,” she noted, pointing at her head with her pen. “It’s just that this is giving me trouble.” She closed her eyes, and then opened them, revealing  milky red eyes with purple swirls. 
“I can’t imagine how hard it is for you,” you commented. “To hold all those powers and finding out how to use them and keep them in check.”
“At least it hasn’t taken over… yet,” she remarked, staring down at her hands. 
“It won’t. You’re too strong for that,” you assured. 
Shannon smiled a small bit, glancing up to look at you through the screen, trying to find solace in your words. 
“I was hoping to see if I can get you out of there so that you can come with me to the mansion and we can both figure out what’s going on with our powers?” She sighed and reminded, “Of course, I’ll have to talk to Fury about it.” A groan escaped her just thinking about it, and you smiled slightly, remembering how much she did not like negotiating with the SHIELD director. 
Your face list up a million degrees. “You would really see about that?” 
“Of course. I want us to be able to get the help we need. We shouldn’t have to suffer at the hands of these powers.”
“I’m sort of public enemy number one. Not sure the world is ready for me to be out…” A deep frown followed your statement that didn’t go unnoticed by your friend. 
She lifted an eyebrow. “Well… technically, the world doesn’t know it was you. You know Charles, he’d probably help get you to the mansion without being seen, just to help you.”
A sly smile played on your lips. “Are you suggesting Nightcrawler break me out?” you teased. 
Shannon couldn’t help but start laughing jovially at your comment. “He’d probably have a blast getting out of there! That kid loves scaring Tony.”
You were so overwhelmed with the prospect of getting out, even if it was just for a few hours, that you had almost forgot about your fellow cellmate. Saness colored your face and tone. “I don’t know if I should Leave Loki though… That doesn’t seem… fair that I should get a day pass…” You glanced back toward your bedroom, a guilty look on your face. 
Shannon understood where you were coming from, so she offered, “I mean, it’s only if you want to. Besides, it’s not like we’re going out to shop. It’s to help you progress and reinstate yourself to the world.”
You bit your lip, noticing the wording. Reinstate yourself to the world… Right.. Because you were in prison. 
“Not to make that sound like you’re a felon!” she loudly corrected, turning back to the screen with a look of embarrassment. 
You waved it off. It wasn’t her fault you were in the situation you were in. 
“Let me talk to Loki?” you requested with raised eyebrows. “But I would love to see everyone again, and figure out how to get… this side of me out.” 
“Of course! Take whatever time you need. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to contact Charles, so let me know whenever you’ve made a decision.”
“I will. Thank you, Shannon. In the meantime, do you have anything physics related I can study? I am going bonkers down here…” You paused for a moment, before asking, “Does Tony mind you talking to me? Or sharing data? I mean, he’s still pissed at me… right?” 
This time, it was her turn to wave you off. “Forget Tony, he’s my problem, not yours.” She looked at you and smiled. “I could get you whatever Jane’s left unfinished? There are a few new things she got here.” She pointed to a stack of files on the nearby desk. 
“Please, send me anything, otherwise this gold mine is going to rot,” you joked, pointing to your head. 
“Well we can’t have that now, can we?” She giggled before talking to JARVIS. “JARVIS, send whatever files are in our system from Jane’s recent studies down to Y/N’s office.”
“Right away, Ms. Shannon. Is there anything else?”
“Let me know when Fury will be coming by the Tower or the complex, please?” 
“Yes, Ms. Shannon.”
“The files should be ready for you to look through, now. I’ll make sure any new data gets sent to you too.” Meanwhile, she was nodding her head while looking at the holographic data in front of her, swiping it to and fro. 
“I’ll let you get back to your work,” you offered, trying to hide the sadness in your voice. But her work and research was more important than keeping a prisoner like you company. 
She hummed. “Hmm? Oh, yeah, sorry. I just have a deadline for this and--”
“Shan, it’s fine,” you assured genuinely with a soft smile. 
She seemed to be relieved by your words. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later, okay? Don’t forget to talk to Loki and let me know?”
“I’ll let you know by the end of the day.”
“Thanks. Talk to you soon.”
The call ended. 
But no part of you could even be sad, for this had been the best gift you’d gotten in some time. Other than being allowed to share a cell with Loki, this was the next best thing.
-----------------------------
Loki was still asleep during your conversation with Shannon, but when he woke up and you made him a nice brunch, you decided to dive right into the touchy subject of you getting a day pass, and not him. 
“Uh, Loki,” you started as he ate his meal. 
“Yes, darling?” he asked, glancing up to you. 
You wrung your hands, knowing how this sounded. That you would be leaving Loki behind, that you were gaining freedom and he wasn’t. That you were not, in fact, equals, as you had said you’d been. As you always tried to prove to him. 
“Shannon.. She has an idea…”
“Is it an idea to break out of this?” he asked, pointing around with his eyes. 
“Well… actually… kind of.” 
He peered at you with a curious frown. 
“I told her about my powers, about how the thing Thanos pout in me is dark and it wears on me…” 
“Yes?” 
“Well… she’s going to Charles Xavier to get her powers looked at. It seems she has a mutation that’s causing her issues… And she said she might be able to get me a pass to sort of… go with her,” you informed nervously. You were so worried Loki would simply see this as a way of you gaining freedom, while he stayed behind. Or that you were somehow distancing yourself from him. 
“So you would get to leave?” he clarified. 
“Yes. She’s going to talk to Fury, and see if it’s even possible. It’s more like a trip to the doctor. I’ll be going to see if he can do anything about the power not being so…”
“Evil?” 
Your gaze slid to his as you nodded.
“My love, if you need to go, go. It will be nice for at least one of us to leave this cell, even if it’s just for a day.”
“Really?” you asked, hope swelling inside you.
“Yes, of course. Go, do whatever you need. I’ll be here when you get back,” he said with a sly smile and you couldn’t help but round the kitchen island and hug him tightly. 
-----------------------
As Shannon closed down her work and research for the day, she stepped out of the lab, somewhat exhausted, but simultaneously refreshed. It was amazing how just talking to you had lifted her spirit so much. She had only made it a few steps when Tony came up and greeted her. 
“Hey, babe. Mind walking with me?’ he asked.
“Ugh, Tony, I’m so tired... I think I just want to go sit and read for a little bit,” she said, hoping she wouldn’t offend him. 
“That’s fine, I just thought we could have a quick bite together?” he wondered, his eyebrows perched up,wanting to guilt her in with his innocent, irresistible look. 
She rolled her eyes and smiled. “Alright, alright. Yeah, let’s go grab a bite. What did you have in mind?” she asked as he led her down the hall toward the kitchen and dining area. 
As soon as the two of them rounded the corner, she was greeted with the Avengers and some other colleagues from around the tower. The people she’d hidden herself away from for the last several days.
“Surprise!” the group yelled. 
“What’s all this?” she asked, befuddled, a warm grin on her face. 
“We noticed you looked a little down,” Clint noted. 
“And you just got back,” Bruce added. 
“So they thought it would be nice to have a little welcome home dinner. Nothing fancy, just… the tower isn’t the same without you, babe,” Tony said, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.
“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” she said with a humble, sweet smile. 
“Nonsense!” Steve objected as Tony let go of her and Steve’s arm replaced it. “You deserve it. We all missed you.” 
“Well, thank you, all of you. I missed you too.”
---------------------------
Sometime later that evening, you called Shannon on the video chat. The AI found her closest device and opened up, displaying where she was. 
“Hey, Sha--” Was all you got out before you saw what was going on around her. It appeared to be a small party. Shannon had a drink in her hand, as did all the Avengers and a few other people you didn’t recognize. She was laughing and hitting Nat’s arm, while Tony and Clint were smiling and talking. Bruce seemed to be having a good time with the strangers, talking. 
At first, you were happy, a smile pulling at your lips, but just as you were about to join in, you realized -- you couldn’t. You couldn’t open your mouth and tell a joke, you couldn’t say anything to anyone… Because you were locked away, several floors below them, paying for your crime. Even if you did try to blend in, even if you did try to get anyone’s attention, you would be met with a resounding “fuck off”. Who knew what kind of pandemonium would’ve erupted if they knew you were contacting them. 
With a sad sigh, you swiped over to the texting app and sent Shannon a text, telling her that you were good to go.
You switched back to the video app, where Shannon pulled out her phone, smiled at it, typed a quick response, and pocketed it again. 
“Sounds good. I’ll talk to Fury,” she sent back.
Your face fell and you were about to close the app when you noticed Steve Rogers was looking at you. It seemed he had just glanced up. Your eyes met but you didn’t have it in you to try and smile to be polite. Steve gazed at you, and if you weren’t mistaken, you saw… sympathy in his eyes, in his slight frown. He gave you a tiny nod, and you returned it before your gaze dropped. 
Unable to bear the sadness, and downright pity for yourself, you closed the video app. Steve looked away, feeling sorry for you, but tried to get back to the party. 
Sulking, you closed the tablet and left it on the coffee table to get up and go to bed. 
Loki peered up at you from his magazine, a worried frown etched into his stunning features. “Darling?” 
“Hmm?” you hummed.
“Is everything alright? I thought you were going to call Shannon?” 
You turned slowly to face him. “Uh, I did. She was busy so… I'll catch up with her tomorrow,” you said, hoping to hide your disappointment. 
“Are you sure? You seem upset,” he commented as he stood and came over to you, putting his hands on your arms. 
“I’m fine,” you lied. 
He peered down at you with peculiarity. “If you’re not fine, you know you can tell me. If you don’t want to talk about it, I’ll understand.”
You smiled up at him, loving that you could tell him anything. “Alright, that’s fair. I'm not fine, but I don’t feel like talking about it.” 
He smiled. “There we are.” He kissed your forehead. “I’m here if you need me.”
“I know,” you assured before leaning up to kiss him earnestly, but quickly. “Thank you. I just want to go to bed for now. I’ll let you know if I feel like talking.”
“Goodnight, darling. I’ll be in shortly,” he promised with warmth. He let go of you and you nodded slightly before heading to bed and curling up in your bed. The bed you lived in for the last several months… the bed you would probably live the rest of your life in. 
Tumblr media
Unforseen Chasm Tag list- @reigningqueenofwords @oldfreakything @weclassygirl @adefectivedetective​
@dontbetooobvious
Tag list- @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @winchester-writes @winchesterenthusiast​ ​ @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog​   @sammysbuttcheek​​ @misz-adrii​ @sandlee44​ @womanxofletters​ @natsuccs​ @childishhoebinoo​ @expecteddifferent​ @girl-next-door-writes​ @fanaticfanfiction​ @dakotapaigelove​ @sassy-spn-knight-of-hell​
3 notes · View notes
holysandwichfest · 5 years
Text
How Did We Get Here? The History of best portable keyboard
On the age of eighty one, the pianist Shura Cherkassky states He's touring much more now than he did in his 70s. Mr. Cherkasskys performances have attained common recognition particularly in the final 10 years, when he was labeled an awesome Romantic pianist -- towards his wishes.
I dont similar to this label, he stated emphatically in a very current telephone job interview from his property in London, where he has lived for over a decade. I dont belong to any Specific category.
Mr. Cherkassky, who began undertaking in 1923, will Enjoy a recital on Friday at 8 P.M. with the McCarter Theater in Princeton, a method He'll repeat at Carnegie Corridor on April 21. On the program is going to be Bachs Toccata and Fugue in D insignificant (BWV 565), Schuberts Sonata in a very (Op. Posth.), D. 959, two works by Chopin -- the Ballade in F slight and Variants on Mozarts La ci darem la mano from Don Giovanni -- Berios Encores Pour Piano and Balakirevs Oriental Fantasy (Islamey).
youtube
Seeking back again above his many years as being a pianist, Mr. Cherkassky claimed that in relearning aged items, I play them otherwise. He additional: Its tricky to know whats improved. My taking part in is much more mature, richer.
He methods four hours on a daily basis instead of a single minute less, he said. Once i practice, I need a clock.
He doesnt educate, and refuses to give master classes. Some pianists like to show, but I dont, he claimed. Thank goodness I dont have to show.
Performers, he explained, dont make great academics. They may be much too egotistical and self-centered, he said. Ages ago, After i experienced to do it fiscally, I taught some female who stored building blunders. I wouldnt know very well what to convey. I explained, Enable it to be sing, and she mentioned, How do I do it? And that i explained, I wouldnt know the way.
Mr. Cherkasskys taking part in is noted for his singing tone, but he states he simply cannot review how he produces it.
Mr. Cherkassky has sturdy emotions about judging musical competitions. Being a prominent musician, he has usually been invited to guage, but has refused. I dont think its truthful, because someone must win, he reported. Its very good for small business. Possibly they are entitled to it, Or even the 1 who will not win is much better than the one particular who wins.
You will find possibilities towards the Level of competition route for young artists endeavoring to Develop Occupations, he explained, if they have ample willpower and self-discipline, and should they dont let something exterior -- emotions -- disturb them.
Tumblr media
Its crucial psychologically to become an entire slave to a vocation, he stated. If you're able to resist private things, artwork gets better.
Tumblr media
Born in 1911 in Odessa, Russia, Mr. Cherkassky was an only little one. His father was a dentist and an beginner violinist, and his mother was a pianist and piano Trainer. His spouse and children came to The us in 1923 because of the political upheaval in his homeland. It wasn't until 1976 that he returned to Russia. His performances At the moment, he claimed, experienced terrific psychological significance for him.
youtube
Soon just after his arrival in The us with the age of twelve, he played a command general performance for the White Household for President Warren G. Harding and gave performances for the two Paderewski and Rachmaninoff. The good pianist and Instructor Josef Hofmann, he claimed, was the greatest impact on his taking part in.
In the 1991-92 time, Mr. Cherkassky gave a number of Worldwide performances in celebration of his eightieth birthday, on Oct. 7.
Men and women talk to how at my age I have a great deal power, he mentioned. He attributes his excellent health and fitness to ingesting large quantities of plain yogurt each day and also to a every day dose of the Japanese consume known as Pocari Sweat, which contains sugar, nutritional vitamins and nothing synthetic. It had been advised by a doctor in Tokyo being a heal to the flu.
This season, Mr. Cherkasskys performances contain concert events in Italy, the Netherlands, Germany, Japan, Canada and The us.
I adore Japan, he claimed. Its the only real place in which I get alongside very well. They may be fanatics on punctuality, plus they think of every little thing in advance.
The Berio items on Fridays application are identified as Water Piano, Earth Piano and Hearth Piano and are quick abstract functions. You must make use of your creativeness, Mr. Cherkassky said. The first piece is melodic, almost like Chopin. The second a person is placing notes, no melody in the slightest degree, and the final one is more like the fire, with plenty of operating passages.
Chopins Don Giovanni Variants, an early Chopin get the job done, is not as famous as Liszts variants on precisely the same concept. After, Mr. Cherkassky performed both equally sets of versions on the identical system, he said. The combination presented an extreme dose with the operatic topic, but an interesting comparison. Chopins variations tend to be more sensitive and even more lyrical than Liszts, Mr. Cherkassky explained.
Tickets for the Princeton live performance are $25 and $28. Reservations can be obtained by calling (609) 683-8000.
2 notes · View notes
kyuubiheir · 6 years
Text
ANOTHER MUNDAY PROMPT.
*  REMEMBER TO REPOST, NOT REBLOG!
Tumblr media
NAME:   ariel , red   ( they’re aliases but yaa. )
PREFERRED PRONOUNS:   she / her. 
SELECTIVITY:   private.   i wish i could write with everyone but lyf is so hectic now.   what with family  &  friend time , work , spending time with the pupper , college.
FAVORITE ANIMAL:    WOLVES !!   h ECK i love animals more than people.
FAVORITE MUSE YOU’VE HAD SO FAR EVER:   honestly ??   i would say menma , he is so fun to write  &  i like being able to play out the different aspects  /  emotions of him.   plus the nardo fandom has been nothing but lovely  &  drama free , it’s just so refreshing.
MUSE YOU KINDA WANNA PICK UP:    no one at the moment  &  any muses i do wish to play are already over on my multi.   i’ve learnt the hard way that too many single blogs is a pain , also i actually hate sideblogs.   it gets confusing , so i will only have 1 possibly 2 at best  &  these are usually if a specific character is made for a specific person.
MOST IDENTIFIABLE FICTIONAL CHARACTER:   i’m gonna have to go with buffy.   it’s scary sometimes how similar our lives are   ( ‘cept for the vamp slayer part , though wouldn’t that be cool right ?! )   but seriously , i can just watch an episode  &  it’s like i’m being told my life.   like yes hi ?  been there , done that , STOP NOW.   we’re both emotional who give our heart to anyone ; always thinking of others more than ourselves  &  yet we’re always the ones to suffer  &  get our hearts broken in the end.   oh  &  we both have rotten luck when it comes to relationships.
WHAT COLOR YOUR AURA IS/THINK IT IS:   i’d love it to be pink or red , i’m thinking it might be red due to me being really hot-tempered  ??  though i don’t know if that’s just a redhead thing.   or it’s black like my soul.
PERSONALITY STUFF YOU AGREE WITH (ASTROLOGY, MBTI, HOGWARTS HOUSE, ETC. BE AS SPECIFIC AS YOU WANT):   i ... believe in astrology  &  hogwarts house , both have been accurate for me.   WHERE MY FELLOW SLYTHERINS AT ?!  B)   honestly not sure about the others ??   but then again , you are who you are.   personality is unique to each individual person.   it’s all on you to be who you truly are , don’t take anyone else’s word but your own for it.
DO YOU THINK YOU’RE A GOOD DRIVER:   i can drive to an extent , however i don’t have a legal licence but in my lessons it’s good to just know you have the right of the road when you do  &  just screw the other ass holes on the road.   it’s just about being confident , though i’m not sure how safe it is for me to be in control of a killing machine.  o.o
FAVORITE MINOR DISCOUR.SE:   i’ve never actually been involved in any discourse.   i prefer to stay away from any drama related thing.
FAVORITE VINE AND/OR MEME:  oh god !   I LIIIVE FOR VINES !   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3kM56dxS0s   <<   MY FAV THOUGH !!  you need to watch this :’) , but i love LOOVE king bach  &  thomas sanders as well.
WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS MUSE:  tbh my bro introduced me to ‘naruto’ in general  &  he had all the films aswell.   after watching through the series he told me to watch the rtn one  ( that was his fav at the time )  so i did  &  WOW !   i just found it hilarious , how all the characters were backwards but then seeing the concept of a dark naruto , just had me hooked !   i’m always drawn to the bad boy , darker muses ¯\_(ツ)_/¯    also in a way , i feel like menma is underrated  /  overlooked in favour of the series main which yes i get makes sense  &  menma only existed in a fake universe but   STILL i wanted to give menma some backstory , really delve into his character.  make him more than just evil naruto .. look i just love my angsty emo bois  fITE ME.
FAVORITE RP MEMORY:  oh gosh ,  TOO MANY !   i think the main is definitely all the friends i make here  &  finally get to actually meet them in RL.   also i’m a sucker for positivity  &  it warms my heart when the dash is just filled with love for each other , none of this stupid competition because someone has the same muse or what not.
GIVE A SHOUTOUT TO SOMEONE: @biteheir @cursedteme @sageheir @strawberrysakura @karukv    i cheated  &  added multiple someones because honestly  THESE GUYS RIGHT HERE !   are helping me so much with developing menma further , i love lengthy discussions of head canons  &  possible scenarios at 2AM.   &  i know this might sound lame but it feels like i’m part of a family on here , it’s nice.   especially knowing that i can always go to these bebs for anything  &  they will always be there to listen. ilu. <3 <3 <3
i know it’s the wrong blog but i also gotta shoutout to shorp @fangbled for taking a chance on my mad idea for an oc  &  loving her regardless :P  it’s fun to develop mimi alongside you , i can’t wait to see what surprises 2019 will have for papa dog  &  lil pup. ilu. <3 <3 <3
tagged by: @kabukv !    thank youu <3
tagging: erm who’s done this ?   probably everyone rn.  so uh , if you see this - steal it !  c:
6 notes · View notes
waywardandwestward · 7 years
Text
Let Me Be Your Shelter (Chapter Two)
Chapter 2
Gally x OFC
It’s an odd feeling. Knowing that I’m the only girl. Knowing that no matter what I do, I’ll always be an outsider inside these walls. The boys try so hard to make things better, and I love them for it, but sometimes it’s just not enough. I pray every month for another girl to appear out of the box, so maybe I won’t feel so alone, and every month I’m disappointed.
I have to get out of here. But I’m terrified of leaving him behind, and I know he’ll refuse to leave.
A/N: Hello again friends! Chapter 2 is officially up! And just to clarify, this fanfic is primarily based on the films with a few nuggets from the books tossed in here and there. As always constructive criticism is welcome. Enjoy!
Master List
If you prefer to read on Wattpad, here is the link!
Previous Chapter
Day 2
After coming up out of the box, I decided to keep to myself. Being the only girl in a group full of teenage boys had me feeling out of place, not because I was necessarily afraid of them, but because they seemed to be pretty terrified of me. Accept for Gally, who seemed to be the only person treating me like I was a human being, rather than a foreign object. Right before sundown, he had pulled me aside so he could explain to me why I couldn't leave the field, or "The Glade" as he called it.
"A maze?" I questioned. We were sitting several inches a part on a tree trunk that had fallen in the middle of the woods.  Gally had offered to take me somewhere quiet and less overwhelming than the campfire the rest of the boys were holding.
"Yeah," he shook his head. "Do you hear that?" A low rumbling shifted in the air and I could feel it beneath my feet. It was the doors closing; something I had identified the day before. "That happens everyday just before sundown.  Once they close, something...." He paused. "Last night, after they closed, did you hear...sounds? Like... Movement?"
After everything, I couldn't shut my eyes for a second. The sounds of things shifting, and creaking, and breathing had certainly not helped either. "What is it?" I asked hesitantly.
"We're not sure exactly," he replied, his face looking down at the ground. It was odd seeing him that way. Vulnerability was clearly not something he showed often. "We think part of it is the maze changing itself, but there's something living out their too. According to Alby three guys have gone into that maze, and none of them have come out. I witnessed one myself." He paused again, swallowing deeply. "It was pretty obvious by his screams that there's something else out there."
Silence. As it turns out, I wasn't very good with silence. "Aren't you at all curious if there's a way out? There has to be. I mean it's a maze, which means it's a puzzle, right? There has to be-"
"We can't risk losing anyone else," he replied firmly. I had clearly hit a nerve.
I'm not sure where the thought came from and I almost didn't want to pry, but it just slipped out. "The boy you saw go into the maze. You were close, weren't you?"
I had definitely touched a nerve. "I don't talk about it with other gladers."
"I'm not a Glader, I'm a greenie."
He let out out a breath, almost as if he was about to chuckle. There was even the tiniest little sad smile on his face. It was certainly something I hadn't seen from him before. "Maybe another time," he said.
Another awkward silence, but he filled it in this time. "Hey, remind me that I have to show you something, you know, after you remember your name."
I already had. As I laid wide awake the night before, with the shifting of the walls and the cool breeze brushing up against my skin, it came to me. The only reason I hadn't said anything was probably because nobody had asked.
"My name is Josephine. But if it's okay, I'd like to be called Jo."
"Jo," it was as if he was testing how it sounded coming from his own lips. "Okay Jo, then I have something we need to do." He stood up and offered me his hand just like he had the day before. I took it, this time far less hesitant. He helped me stand up and then directed me out of the woods.
"Where is it you're taking me exactly?" I asked, my feet dragging though the grass.
"It's time for your initiation, Jo," he smirked. "Come on, keep up!"
Neither of us made it it much farther, however. "Gally!... uhh... Greenie!" Newt was running up to us from behind.
Gally and I both stopped in our tracks and turned to face him. "Her name is Jo," Gally shouted back it him.
I could see Newt had raised an eyebrow at me, and I just nodded with a smile. "Alright, Gally and Jo," Newt corrected. "Alby's called a meeting."
"Can't it wait ten minutes?" Gally asked. "I was gonna show Jo the wall."
"You can show it to her later," Newt replied. "Right now we have some things we have to work out." Newt then turned around and headed back towards the fire.
"Gee, by things do you think he could have possibly meant me?" I asked rhetorically.
Gally grinned. "Come on."
The moon had officially risen. As Alby settled everyone down, I sat between Gally and Newt. Zart, another glader with striking blonde hair, rosy cheeks, and a square jaw, calmed down the fire.  
When the group finally quieted, I couldn't help but notice that they were all staring at me.
"Look it's no secret that things are different," Alby addressed to the group. "There are seven of us now. That's the most there's ever been. Which means we could start running out of resources."
"The box is still sending up supplies," Mikey, the fifth Glader who was sitting directly across from me replied. He was attractive looking with dark, curly hair and a chiseled face."Do you really think that's our biggest problem right now?" He glanced over at me. The boy was immediately off putting.
"I think what Alby is trying to say is after what happened yesterday, things could be changing," Although he tried to be more discreet, I could see Newt's eyes flicker over at me as well. "Things are changing. And it's better to be prepared for it."
"How do you suggest we do that?" the sixth and final glader, Bach, who sat next to Mikey, responded. Bach was the oldest of the group, or at least he looked the oldest. Much like Gally and Alby his face held a stern glance on nearly all occasions.
"Newt, Gally, and I talked it over last night," Alby said. I turned my head to both of them, almost as if I was trying to read their minds to see what Alby was going to say next.
"Wait, you didn't think to include us in this little conversation?" Mikey folded his arms over his chest. He was clearly angry, and to be honest, I didn't blame him. And given the look on Bach's face he felt the same.
"You were already asleep. And that's why we're talking about it now," Alby defended himself. "The point I've been trying to make, is that I think we all need to take a little more responsibility. Who knows how many more kids are gonna come up in that box. Boys or girls. We need to be able to take care of them, and ourselves."
"Look we already elected you leader," Mikey said aggressively. "What more do you want?"
"It's like Alby said, we need to take more responsibility. We need ground rules," Gally replied. "That way everyone feels safe here."
"They're right," Zart spoke up. "I mean, it would certainly make me feel safer."
"Rule One," Alby stated. "Everyone does their part. No slackers. We can't just sit around all day and do nothing, there's too much at stake."
"We should all take up a job," Zart agreed. "Maybe I could work in the garden. You know, making sure there's enough food for everyone."
Newt raised his hand, "All in favor?" The rest of us raised our hands.
"We need shelter too," Bach said. "The ceiling Mikey built, it's falling apart. We need something better."
"Gally's the strongest," Newt offered. Looking over at him. "And he did make that hammock forest for us to sleep in."
It took a minute for Gally to respond, but eventually he shrugged and said, "I guess I could do that."
"All in favor?" Everyone raised their hand. "Alright, Gally's our builder."
"What about you, Greenie?" Mikey turned to look at me with the cheesiest grin I had ever seen spread across his face.
"Her name is Jo," both Newt and Gally exclaimed almost too proudly.
Slightly embarrassed by their declaration, I simply waved awkwardly. "Yeah, hi."
"Well?" Mikey pressed.
Truth be told, there was only one thing I wanted to do, and I knew at least one of them wouldn't be on board. But, I spoke my truth anyway. "Well, I was thinking, maybe we should have someone go out and map the maze during the-"
"No," Alby's answer was brief and direct.
"Did you pay attention to anything  I said, Greenie?" Gally barked and shook his head in his hands before looking back up at me. He looked me directly in the eye with that same gaze that had me terrified so much on our first meeting. "It's not worth the risk," he gritted through his teeth.
Looks like I'm back to Greenie, I thought bitterly to myself. I wasn't going to let his stare-down faze me. "It's my life. I'll decide if it's worth risking."
Gally's eyebrows lowered. "That's not how this works," Alby said.
My lips pierced in concentration waiting for Gally to look away. "So, what? I don't even get a say?"
"Of course you do," I heard Newt's voice behind me. "You get a vote. We can call for one as soon as one of you decides who's won this pissing contest." It was then that Gally and I realized how immature we were being. We both looked down, a bit ashamed of our behavior, "All in favor?"
Bach and I were the only two to raise our hands. I was about to let out a sigh of disappointment, but I chose not to waste my breath. I knew exactly how that vote was going to go down.
"Seriously?" Mikey whispered to Bach.
"The girl's right. The maze is safe during the day, as far as we know. And we all wanna find a way out of here, right? If she wants to risk her life trying to save our asses, I say let her do it."
Zart spoke up as well. "Bach's got a poi-"
Gally immediately cut him off. "We already voted. Majority rules." He looked over at me again probably with a frown, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of looking up. I just stared down at a broken twig on the ground, and then threw it into the fire.
"How about for now, you help Gally as a builder. He's not gonna be able to build an entire homestead on his own," Alby suggested.
I almost laughed at the proposal. I moved my eyes to meet Alby's just so he could see how pissed off I was. "I am not working with that shank." Shank was a term I had heard Zart calling Mikey earlier on that day. I didn't really know what it meant, but I knew it was an insult. Clearly so did Gally. He was about to defend himself, but Alby jumped in before he could.
"Let's move on. We can assign everyone else's roles when we're finished."
"So what's rule number two then?" Zart inquired.
"Never harm another glader, you have to trust each other," Alby stated. "Without trust, we'll start turning on each other, and we'll all be dead within a month."
"I like that," Newt said. "I think it'll make some of us feel a little safer. Right, Jo?"
"That depends, Newt," I replied, my eyes focused on the fire. "What happens if you break the rule?"
"I think we should all get a vote on that too," Mikey jumped in.
"How about we all vote on whether or not they're guilty; you know, whether they should actually be punished or not," Bach suggested. "And then Alby can decide on the punishment."
"I could build a jail," Gally offered up, speaking for the first time since our argument. "We could lock em up for a few days. Maybe without food... If it's really bad we could banish them to the maze." He had merely mumbled the last part of what he had said, but it was clear enough to make everyone in the circle shift in their seat.
"Again, I think maybe we should let Alby decide."
"I'll take that into consideration, Gally," Alby replied. "A jail cell sounds like a pretty good idea though." Gally nodded.
"Are we all in favor of rule number two?" Newt asked. We raised our hands unanimously.
"Two rules seems pretty good," Mikey sighed, clearly growing tired of the conversation. He was just about to get out of his seat, but someone stopped him.
"One more," Gally spoke up again. "Number three: Never go outside the Glade."
There was a silence, a small moment where we all looked around at each other, knowing that this rule, could possibly get us all in trouble one day. "All in favor?" I was the only one who didn't raise their hand. Bach looked at me and shrugged. "Sorry, Greenie," he mouthed.
"These are the rules that we'll live by," Alby said. "We save the right to change them, but the vote must be unanimous. Now, to assigning the rest of your positions..." Alby's voice began to blur. I stood up, overwhelmed once again. I was alone once again.
"Where are you going?" Newt asked quietly.
"I just need a minute." The second I turned around, tears began to fall from my eyes.
Next Chapter
29 notes · View notes
chiseler · 3 years
Text
A Ragtime Mind
Tumblr media
Watching Bob Milne perform is like seeing the next step up in humanity’s progression, but realized in the form of a man you can engage in a friendly chat. He is the most phenomenal piano player I’ve seen or heard – for accuracy, speed, dexterity, emotion, sensitivity. His staples are ragtime and boogie-woogie, with a smattering of blues. He claims he never practices, but he plays some 250 gigs a year around the world. He owns no recordings or sheet music; he has no need for them because he can assimilate and reproduce any piece of music after hearing it once (putting him, perhaps, in a class with Mozart as far as that ability goes).
He was a French horn player in his late teens, but quit because the horn does require practice to keep the lips in form. So why doesn’t he play classical piano? He started out in honky-tonk bars in Detroit, playing what people wanted to hear and also trying to duplicate the speed and complexity of piano rolls – a supposedly impossible endeavor, since the rolls were reproduced by combining multiple players (Milne succeeded). Many say that ragtime is the most complex of all piano music. So maybe it’s the ultimate, continuing challenge.
But the simple fact that Milne was coming up to northeastern Pennsylvania – to Lycoming College, about which I knew zilch, though I live only fifty miles away – was not the clincher that drew me to hear him; it was the fact that his brain apparently functions like no one else’s. The neurologist who’s been studying him, Kerstin Bettermann from the Hershey Medical Center, would be giving a talk about his mind before he gave his concert.
Both Bettermann and Milne are delightful human beings, and Bettermann is an excellent presenter. Using functional MRI, she had documented the unique ways in which Milne’s brain works and proved that he can indeed do what he claims he’s been able to do all his life: hear, process and view three or four orchestral productions in his head at the same time.
For her testing, Bettermann had used Bach, Beethoven, Mendelssohn and one other that I can’t recall. As a control, she also tested an orchestral conductor who would likely have the closest sort of musical mind to Milne’s. She played them a specific rendition of each piece, then asked them to repeat them mentally while she timed their progress. She would interrupt randomly and ask them where they were in the score, checking their progress against the timing of the recording. The conductor, while able to visualize and accurately reproduce the unfolding of a single orchestral piece, could not manage two, much less three or four, as Milne clearly could.
And the differences in brain connectivity Bettermann discovered between the two were striking. She flashed schematics to show how the two brains had functioned under fMRI during the test. Milne used fewer neural connection systems, made more equal use of the two brain hemispheres, and mostly ignored (or suppressed) normal inhibitory feedback. With Milne’s internalization of music, there is apparently almost no “waste” brain activity – no neural searching, no misdirection.
Milne himself – quiet, charming and funny as hell in an offhand way – answered audience questions after Bettermann’s presentation, before his concert. Yes, he’s always had these abilities, and until his teens assumed everyone (or at least all musicians) did. No, he had no particular offsetting problems in other areas of schoolwork, though math bored him – “maybe because it was too easy” – and “I just hated social studies, what awful stuff."
He has no interest in puzzles, is good enough at chess to beat three players simultaneously behind his back while playing the piano, but obviously doesn’t take any of this sort of thing seriously. Amateur players at festivals are nasty to him, probably because it all comes too easy for him.
When he sat down to play, Bettermann used a back-lit screen to highlight his hands, giving us a close-up yet bird’s eye view of something I didn’t expect I’d see again: a combination of delicious motion, fluidity and certainty. He talked to the audience casually while playing, explaining the elements of music with superb clarity. He gave little demonstrations of how to introduce different, overlapping time signatures into the same piece, playing them off against each other while his thumb – his thumb! – carried the melody. There seemed to be no effort involved in doing something that few alive could accomplish, no matter the time they might put into it.
Not long after the Lycoming evening, our local arts council was setting up its first Ultimate Musical Theater Weekend, in 2015, and we needed to fill a performer slot. Milne was the immediate choice. He arrived from Michigan in November, traveling with a trailer that he and his wife slept in. For his concert, he played a wide variety of ragtime, boogie and blues, some standards, some unknown to most of his audience. He interwove tunes, turned medleys into quiet explications of musical theory and technique. Playing at floor lever, rather than on a stage as at Lycoming, he seemed even more at living-room ease, in quiet rapport with his audience, chatting back and forth.
He played one piece at almost blinding speed (he’s equally effective with slow numbers) while maintaining crystalline clarity. An audience member asked how he could rampage through the music like that. "What, I didn’t play fast enough?” and, standing, he leaned sideways to play a few bars twice as fast.
I’ve nearly always found descriptions of a musician’s technique and effectiveness to fall flat, and I’m sure that’s been the case here. One of Milne’s caliber has to be experienced. Fortunately, there are entrancing videos of Milne online, especially those conducted at the Library of Congress.
During intermission, I was one of several who had the chance to chat with him as he fielded questions sitting in the back row. Does he have an overall eidetic memory? He doesn’t think so, hasn’t considered it that much. Does he think his rare mental and physical abilities are necessarily linked – that he couldn’t have one without the other? He answers with a sort of mental shrug. In general, he doesn’t seem to feel that such things are worth a great deal of bother.
Yet beyond his performance, there’s an immense amount to be learned from Milne. Because of his singular brain functioning, he raises interesting questions about art – what it is, how it’s produced, the relation between the mental (creative) and the physical (production).
Suppose we consider artistic creation as a continuum from abstract impulse to concrete realization:
• Can someone have the abstract impulse toward a particular form of artistic creation but not the physical ability to realize its execution? (Milne’s playing flows without clear distinction between the two. I love music but can’t master repetitive motion to play even the simplest instrument.)
Suppose we consider the production of art as a physical continuum from neural brain processes to bodily execution:
• Should we then say that art can legitimately be described in terms of science? Also:
• Can we call someone an artist who can produce no external art?
• Can one have an “advanced” mental state – artistic or otherwise – but not be able to communicate it because it cannot be realized in action or not recognized by the individual in isolation?
• Conversely, can one have latent physical ability like Milne’s but not the internal creative impetus to produce art? There have been savants who could identify prime numbers up to nine digits long, yet their stunning (and incomprehensible) ability produced no external beauty or usefulness in the real world.
But, for the moment, forget all that and go visit Bob Milne at the Library of Congress.
Tumblr media
by Derek Davis
0 notes