#she's never said 'hey sorry you had a two year long depressive episode that must have really sucked' or anything like it

[beachboysnatural]

one in the morning i am listening to slipping through my fingers on repeat and missing my mom really badly while also feeling upset with her and i don't think this combination will ever really leave me

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Worth the World

Spike x Reader

Words: 2459

Summary: On a particularly bad day, the reader can barely bring herself to get out of bed. Spike does his best to comfort his girlfriend without being overbearing. 

Notes: This is inspired by one of my favorite fics ever by @suckmysupernatural. I got this idea when having a depressive episode myself, so I hope you guys enjoy a little comfort fic with one of my favorite vamps. Plus, I’ve never written for Spike before and since I’m getting back into Buffy, I thought this would be the perfect time. (Also, this is entirely based on my own experience, so it might not be everyone’s experience with this kind of thing {but please be nice, I just used a few of the things I felt so it’s all based on my own emotions and insecurities!}) Enjoy!

Warnings: Depression, self-loathing, anxiety (This imagine was really just a way for me to put down my emotions and write something comforting, but I hope you all like it too)

-

You didn’t want to move. You weren’t really sure if you could. Your limbs just felt… heavy. Forcing your legs to move, you slowly swung them over the side of the bed, using all the strength you could muster to sit up straight. 

It wasn’t that something terrible had happened. In fact, the day before had gone pretty well. You’d spent most of it watching movies with Willow and Buffy and, when the sunset, you went on a long evening walk with your boyfriend. There were no deadly forces plotting world domination, no vengeful vamps after you or your friends. Hell, your favorite restaurant was open and you brought home leftovers for breakfast. 

Now, the idea of eating made your stomach turn. You managed to shuffle your way to the kitchen of your apartment, but just stood in front of the counter, leaning on the marble top for support. Just standing there felt like it took every ounce of energy you had. It was almost painful, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. You did your best to keep them from falling. You had places to be today, meeting up with the gang and  you didn’t want to worry them with your moping. 

With slow steps, you made your way back to your room to get dressed. Of course, most of your clothes were dirty and you didn’t care enough to wash them. So you threw a sweatshirt over your pajama top and put on some shoes, hoping no one would ask about it. You caught your reflection and felt that dark, empty feeling in your chest grow. Pathetic. Your shoulders sagged forward and you blinked away more tears as you watched them well in your eyes. You didn’t have the right to feel like this. How much had Buffy been through and she still greeted every day with a smile. Everything was perfect and yet you were pathetic enough to still want to crawl back into bed. You just hoped that you would feel better by the time you saw everyone. Especially Spike. 

-

You sat with your legs pulled up to your chest. Xander and Willow were debating whether or not using wooden bullets would be a good vamp killer. Buffy was listening in amusement and Giles just looked exasperated, distracting himself by putting books back in their proper place on the shelves. No one said anything about your pajamas. You actually felt kind of invisible, like no one even really knew you were there. It made the empty feeling that much worse. 

“What do you think, Y/N?” 

“Xander, don’t you think that’s a little insensitive?”

“What? It’s not like we’re planning on dusting her boyfriend. Even if he is annoying and evil and-”

“Xander.” Willow said sternly. When you looked up, everyone’s eyes were on you. 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention.” Your voice held little to no emotion. You were almost too exhausted to feel anything. You just felt hollow. 

“If I shot Spike with a wooden bullet do you think he would, you know,” Xander made a motion with his hands that was meant to simulate a vampire dying. “Just theoretically, of course.” 

Everyone was expecting a witty remark. You and Xander were close and teased each other often, especially about your relationship with Spike. Instead, you just shrugged, your eyes fixating on a spot on the table. 

“Maybe.” 

The group collectively exchanged a look of concern, but didn’t press anything. After all, what reason could there be for you to be upset? They knew that if something had happened with Spike, you would tell them and there weren’t any recent deaths to worry about, so they continued on with their playful conversations about breaking curses and some movie that they had watched recently. It felt like you were intruding- like an unwanted bystander that everyone wished would just disappear. While no one had said anything like that, the thoughts filled your head nonetheless. 

This wasn’t the first time something like this had happened, but you’d never told them. An episode like this hadn’t happened in months so you had hoped they had stopped. Some days you were as happy as you ever had been, but others you felt like a burden. Worthless and pathetic- pitying yourself for no reason at all. 

Spike didn’t even know, even after almost a year of dating. You never dreamed of telling him. Spike was always saying that you were the strong one. You were the one that helped him through every day of his endless living. He got his soul for you. What would he say if he saw you like this? If he knew the doubts and loathing going through your head. He would know that you’re weak and vulnerable and you didn’t want that to happen. 

So you didn’t tell them. You kept all of your thoughts inside of you as they ate away at your mind. On the outside, you just looked tired. Everyone knew that you stayed awake into the late hours because of Spike, so you hoped that’s what they would think. You were tired, but it wasn’t from lack of sleep. It was like your body just wanted to give up. Maybe if you could just wake yourself up, everything would go back to normal. 

Buffy and Willow went out for coffee, so you went with them, hoping the caffeine would be enough to shake you out of this. Instead, it just made you more jumpy and anxious. The cup shook in your hand, but you kept drinking, still hoping that it would give you enough energy to fake it. This, like your out-of-it demeanor, did not go unnoticed. 

“Hey, are you feeling okay?” Buffy asked, suddenly stopping her conversation with Willow about shoes. At first, you didn’t realize she was talking to you. You were so focused on the thoughts swarming around in your head, you hadn’t noticed they were both looking at you with concern. 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Because you’ve been spacing out all morning. What’s going on?” 

“I guess I’m just tired.” You shrugged, grimacing from the effort the small movement took. 

“Are you sure? Did Spike do something stupid, because you know I’ll-”

“Really, Buffy, I’m okay. I think I just need to go home and rest for a while.” You finished the rest of the coffee, feeling your heart beat faster as the anxiety built up in your chest. “I’ll see you guys later, okay?” 

“Okay.” Buffy gave you a skeptical glance and Willow smiled sincerely.

“Feel better, Y/N.” 

“I’ll see you guys later.” You faked the best smile you could before turning away from them. 

“Is she going to be okay?” Willow wondered, watching the way you nervously messed with the hem of your shirt as you walked. Buffy narrowed her eyes and grabbed her bag. 

“I don’t know, but if she won’t talk to us about it, there’s one person she will.” 

“Oh do we have to go there? You know that place gives me the creeps.” Willow whined. Buffy just gave her a look and the two trekked off in search of your sun-hating boyfriend. 

-

You stood in the middle of your living room as the tears slowly started to pour down your cheeks. The coffee must have given you enough energy to cry and now you couldn’t stop. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t move, you just stood, frozen by the overwhelming emptiness inside you. Pathetic. Useless. Worthless. Everything was swirling around your head, breaking you down further until you had to lean against the window sill to stay standing. 

You could faintly hear something outside your door, but you made no motion to open it. It sounded far away, or maybe you were just blocking it out. All you could hear was your heart pounding, along with the hundreds of doubts rattling in your head. It was until the door burst open that you flinched. 

“First, the slayer comes banging on my crypt, telling me that something’s wrong and then you leave me to break down your door- if I could die, you would have scared me to death. Why didn’t you open the door?” Spike huffed in frustration. You didn’t turn around. Frankly, you hardly noticed he was there. His irritation quickly faded, replaced by worry. “Y/N, love, what is it?” 

You still didn’t respond, keeping your back turned with your hands clinging to the window sill to keep from falling. Spike approached you slowly and you thought you heard his footsteps, but part of you thought you were just imagining him. Why would he come for you? It was the middle of the day and the sun was high in the sky. A rush of guilt washed over you. He came here despite the danger of being burned and you didn’t even have a reason. You’d put him at risk for your own pitiful problems. 

“Darling, why won’t you look at me?” He took another step towards you, but stopped. The sun’s rays created a shield around you, preventing him from pulling you into his arms. “If you could just lower the blinds, that would make this far less awkward.” 

“You d-didn’t need to come here. T-the sun.” You stammered. You wanted to reach for the curtains, but you still couldn’t move your arms without your legs giving out. 

“A little sunlight isn’t going to stop from me from getting to you,” he said sincerely. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him rush to the window, the sound of his skin sizzling in the light made you let go of the ledge. Your legs buckled just as he got the curtains closed. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” You had hurt him. All you had to do was reach up and shut out the sunlight and you couldn’t even do that. He burned himself just to reach you. 

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. It’s alright.” He held you up for a moment before sinking to the floor to hold you in his lap. “I’ve got you love, I’ve got you.” 

“Y-you shouldn’t be here, Spike. I’m not-” You hid your face from his view so he would see the tears. “I’m not worth all of this. There’s something wrong with me. One minute I’m fine and the next I’m like this and I don’t even know why. I don’t have a reason to feel like this. It’s like I’m… broken or something.” 

“You aren’t broken.” Spike said softly, tucking your head under his chin and gently rocking you back and forth. “You’re human.” 

He held you like that for a long while, not saying anything or even moving off of the floor. He didn’t make you look at him until he was sure you had relaxed enough. Putting a finger under your chin, he gently lifted your face to meet his. 

“I’m sorry about all this.” You sniffed, using your sleeve to wipe some of the dampness off your cheeks. 

“I don’t want to hear those worse from you for the rest of the day.” Spike gave you a small smile and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I would trek across deserts wrapped in a blanket if it meant being here with you. Every second is worth it.” Now, he lowered his lips down to yours for a slow, sweet kiss. When he pulled back, his eyes were shining with the soul of a man in love. “To me, love, you’re worth the world.” 

You stared into his eyes and knew that he meant every single word. While it didn’t chase away your doubts or the empty feeling in your chest, it helped you see that this feeling would end. And for now, that was enough. 

“I love you.” You whispered, pulling him closer. He kissed the top of your head. 

“I love you too, darling.” He hooked his arm under your knees and stood, holding you against his chest. “Now, why don’t I get you something to eat and we can spend the day in bed?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I’ll behave, I promise.”

“Spike.” You laughed lightly. 

“There,” He beamed, “I knew I could get a smile.” 

He carried you into your room and placed you on your usual side of the bed, laying your fluffiest blanket over top of you. Then he vanished into your kitchen, the sound of your cupboards opening and shutting reminding you that he had no idea where anything was. It almost made you smile. He came back in with a bowl of your favorite cereal, a class of milk, and a thin leather bound journal. 

“What’s that?” You wondered as he climbed into the bed beside you. He handed you the cereal and milk and put his arm around you, pulling you close. 

“Eat your cereal.” He ordered teasingly, opening up to the first page. You tried to look over his shoulder, but he pulled the book away, laughing. “Do you want me to read or not?” 

“What is it?” Your curiosity made your tone amused and playful. You were starting to sound like you again. 

“Well, ever since I got this pesky soul back, I’ve had an unbearable amount of feelings running about in my head, so I figured I could at least put them to good use.” 

“Spike, are they…?” You perked up with excitement. He smiled sheepishly. 

“Poems.” He looked down at seemingly endless pages of his writings and back at you. “They’re mostly about you, of course. I thought, maybe, you’d like to hear them. See if they’d make you feel a little better.” You were almost too awestruck to nod. 

“I’d really like that.” 

With your cereal in hand, you curled up beside him, laying your head back against his shoulder. He read softly and slowly, his gentleness with his words almost lulling you to sleep. The poems were beautiful, forcing you to stay awake if only to hear one more word. Spike felt you relaxed against him as he read and paused his reading to kiss your forehead, then your cheek, and lastly your lips. 

You felt the emptiness for a few more days, but each day, he was by your side, making sure you ate and gave yourself time to breathe. By the time you started to feel normal again, he’d read most of his poems and continued to write more and you were able to go for your evening walks without feeling exhausted. Your friends were more than supportive and helped you through it all while still giving you the space you needed. 

It wasn’t the last time an episode like this happened, but now you always knew that, no matter what, you’d never be alone.

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks; @kendahl0216

[nodameshield]

how are we doing? have the tears dried yet? I know mine haven’t :: 

let’s start light : research fellows count ! (also, lady, only ten years old? - I resent that).

Goh understands this?? he’s got a silly proud smile and it’s following Ash’s butchered storytelling??? love 

research fellows count ! 

perfectly attainable dream 

sure, go for it.  (look at both of their supportive lil smiles, we love best friends) 

we all know the scene that’s coming ahead, but I thought this was a beautiful demonstration of growth already on Goh’s side.

Listen before the sad part begins let us appreciate for a moment how Ash and Goh were smiling at EACH OTHER after the interview was over. cuties. 

behold : the last frame we have of baby Sobble. I’m going to miss you, bean. thank you for everything<3 (he was so proud of his good deed as well!! my very heart) 

just how fast the night changes, indeed.

Drizzle went through shock and pain at record speed and swiftly landed on anger - only to fall into ✨depression✨ just as quickly.

and then we just stayed there.

someone 

is 

(oh hey Cinderace ! good to see ya)

having  

a rough morning

 (I’m sorry, this scene was just fucking funny - the drama)

Cinderace’s proud big bro moment was just too sweet to leave out - let us not forget, he’s been a big bro since he was Raboot (and even as a temperamental Raboot, he was always gentle to Sobble). And now his baby bro has evolved as well. precious ! 

Goh handled this situation very maturely from the beginning. And here’s when the build up starts. He’s saying ‘hey, let me help you how I think you need to be helped” and he genuinely doesn’t mean any harm! naturally, his reaction is to help his Pokémon, in the way that has worked in the past.

but then he starts to understand maybe that’s not the best approach this time around.

and he’s ready to respect those new boundaries (of course, there’s no blame on Cinderace, either. Much like Goh, he - and everyone, really - was just trying to help in the way he thought was the best).

shoutout to the animation on this bit because Pikachu’s ears darting down was a delightful detail. Chloe’s expression and Grookey’s simmering down drove the point home as well.

ah, you coy little thing. Did you forget how your trainer almost left you behind because of how rebellious you were??? Because you made him feel as though you’d be better off without him?? (Cinderace has selective memory, you can’t change my mind, don’t be miss-leaded by the cuteness)

this build up was wonderful - we begin to hear all these reasons why, yeah? maybe he just wants to be alone.

maybe he’s still very afraid and careful of his surroundings, and his evolution made it worse? (he’d been popping up in random places in previous episodes, hiding, which was also great foreshadowing for this episode !) 

maybe he’s cocooning himself until he’s ready to evolve again? (which, considering his disappointment and how badly he wanted to be Inteleon already, is a very plausible reason)

but Prof. Cerise gets it right when he says ‘we can’t really know for sure’ (which ties greatly with Goh’s upcoming scene) - is it your Drizzle’s quirk? are they all like this? who cares? Isn’t wonderful how he’s a living creature? how he’s got nuances and a personality? shouldn’t that be enough of a reason to look after him, and try to help him right now?

my child, still thinking he’s got to do everything on his own.

and these two are just like ????? Goh ??? watchu talking about ???

can you imagine how MUCH this moment means to him?? he was ready to keep going alone (it’s what he knows) and even when Ash and Chloe prove him, time and time again, that he’s not alone, there’s still something in Goh coded to believe others won’t care as much/won’t be there when he needs them. and that’s why he insists: I’ve got this. I can do it alone.

and, sure, but you don’t have to. that’s the beauty of friendship.

you tell him, Chloe. (actually, without Chloe calling him out, he might have taken longer to figure out where Drizzle was. so...) // but also, it gives us a glimpse into the fact that, while Goh might have felt very lonely, Chloe has been observing and caring for him - in her way - for a long minute as well.

my very point above. 

HEY, LISTEN: he doesn’t know, either. he’s a child, words are hard, and you rotate along the four moods of childhood (happy, upset, scared, hungry (?)) and don’t ponder much on anything else because you are a child, there’s no emotional intelligence to speak of, no need for it, you’re being shaped by your environment and all the stimuli of the world being a new place. things like loneliness, confusion, anxiety... we can’t put those into words - hell, they’re fucking abstract and confusing even when we are adults.

and Goh’s stimuli and environment was, given what we know of his family life, a rather lonely one. Did his parents have a lot of spare time to take him to the park? I don’t think so. Was he good at going out there and asking other kids to play? ... probably not. 

Chloe doesn’t strike me as an extrovert, either, so even if she wanted to get close to Goh or invite him to hang out, perhaps she was too shy as well. Heck, perhaps Goh’s reaction would’ve been like the one above, he simply didn’t know. Maybe he didn’t want to ! and that’s perfectly fine as well.

am I forgiving the anipoke team for making Goh cry? no, never. but this was beautifully executed so I can grow to live with it.

“why are you depressed?” “you have nothing to be sad about!” “look at all the wonderful things you have!” “just be happy again!” - sound familiar? yeah, this was incredibly well done.

as adults, perhaps we see this and think ‘shit, how cool that they’re prodding on these topics, it’s important’ and it is !!! so important !! but if it’s this impactful as young-adults/grown-ups, imagine how impactful it must be as a child to see this and feel perceived. I’m honestly so proud of this moment, this whole episode. I’m grateful they took the time to look into this maturely. and even if children don’t do a full-fledged analysis on it, if they relate (like I know so many of us did) they won’t forget it. and that’s beautiful.

darling I’m blanking on your TW handle I’m so sorry - but someone in a tweet SO RIGHTFULLY pointed out that these are the words Goh would have needed to hear when he was younger. saying them to Drizzle it’s a full circle moment for him, he’s hearing them as well, and it’s helping both of them grow.

He’s not forcing himself as Drizzle’s trainer. Goh bears no entitlement here. He’s saying ‘Hey, if you’re comfortable, if you want to share , I’ll be here’ / as a kid, people did care for him, they kept wanting to know what was going on, but Goh couldn’t put that in words and people pestering him only made it worse, but if someone had said ‘hey, when you’re ready...’ then,,,,yeah,,,,maybe it would’ve been different. 

he’s offering that safety now to his Pokémon, something he didn’t have, but he grew to understand is what he (and now Drizzle) needed. If that doesn’t have you breaking down in a teary mess then you are stronger than I’ll ever be, because my glasses were cloudy by this point.

why, why, why. because you needed to hear all that as well, baby! so did a number of us. thank you.

I’ll say that, however it was that you connected with this moment, that’s yours to cherish. 

Personally, I too had a lonely childhood marked by parents who overworked, and I too spent a lot of time alone in kindergarten and through elementary school because it was hard to make friends (turns out i’m an extrovert, ha, talk about breaking out of your shell...) so, obviously there were easy common grounds for me in this episode.

but I LOVED to read the reactions and realize so many people still connected with it, one way or the other. So many of us felt seen and understood and acknowledged in emotions that are so hard to put into words !! 

so, again, if you identified with Goh or Drizzle or any of the topics in this episode, that’s very beautiful, and I hope the underlying message that you’re not alone gets through.

With Sobble, and now with Drizzle as well, Goh is very adamant to remind us that, however we are, that’s fine. there’s something that makes us special, regardless of other people’s opinions, or their ideas of how we *should be* // that’s the message I’m taking with me, at least.

 and i can’t wait to see how this story line evolves !! I have no doubts that, when the moment comes, Inteleon will be a wonderful addition to the team, but Drizzle is here now, and he’s plenty wonderful already x

Bonus: 

ha ha, yes. I watched this episode three times. And all three times I was a mess.

side note but a very important one: the animation, the voice acting, the dialog, the scenery of the starry night - the entire scene was so beautifully executed. so  carefully crafted. ugh, amazing. just perfect. so happy.

[xenteaart]

You’re a Cat, Hargreeves

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x Reader

Request 1: Hello, so Five has been through a LOT in just two weeks, so can I request something where the reader and him have a bit of intimacy but are not together yet. Then something happens that is just the last drop to him and he shows up to the reader with red and glossy eyes and collapses in her arms? She just holds him (because boy, he needs it) and after a while he manages to talk about things letting his feelings for her slip in the process. Then she can just calm him down and make him feel loved.

Request 2: Could I request a fanfic where Five has a terrible day at the Commission or in the Apocalypse and at bedtime the Reader comforts him, and he suddenly becomes the little spoon for the first time? Idk I think it would be cute to see him shy and secretly liking

!!! Note: Since these two requests have a common theme of Five being stressed as fuck and having a breakdown I’ve decided to combine them. Personally I imagine this scenario in my Commission AU, HOWEVER, I intentionally didn’t make it very specific in terms of the circumstances so you can headcanon whatever u like <3 also sorry its not the exact scenario from your requests but i hope you don’t mind me taking some creative liberty.

also both Five and Reader are in their 20s here coz otherwise i’m very uncomfortable

massive thanks to @wonders-of-the-multiverse​ for helping me out with wording the physicality of certain things <33333

GIF: @maxiemayfield​

You’ve seen Five in many different states.

You’ve seen him anxious and spiraling, you’ve seen him furious and borderline insane; depressed and distant, lost and confused. At this point, you genuinely thought you’d seen it all but, apparently, you were wrong.

“I am just so tired.” Five whispered almost inaudibly with a sigh so desperate that it made your stomach turn.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” you asked, your voice small as you weren’t quite sure how to act yet.

He glanced at you, and you couldn’t help but notice his eyes glistening with salty wetness that was about to spill out and smear his frustration all over his cheeks.

You always loved Five’s eyes - his huge, almost puppy dog eyes that made you absolutely lose yourself in their depth. Whenever you looked into them, you saw wisdom, maturity, exhaustion and patience, dedication and passion, all at the same time. There was a whole other universe behind his blue orbs, and you admired it endlessly. Looking into his eyes right now, however, was nowhere near as exciting and pleasant. Instead, it felt like some strange and violent ache was gripping you at the very heart and squeezing it without mercy, and you winced at the sensation as worry and concern were uncontrollably blossoming inside your ribcage.

Five didn’t grant you with an answer, too busy trying to hold back his tears and clenching his teeth proudly as if there was any point at all.

You got up on your feet and approached Five slowly, careful not to freak him out as you were giving him the time to get used to your presence in his personal space. Normally, he wouldn’t mind yet you couldn’t tell if the same rules applied to scenarios like the one taking place.

“I’m here, yeah? It’s okay, you’re okay,” you kept repeating like a mantra as you pulled Five into your embrace.

He buried his face in the crook of your neck and you instantly felt your skin getting damp. In just a few seconds Five’s entire body relaxed into yours and he wrapped his arms around you tightly, finally letting go and allowing himself to have a proper cry. He hadn’t had one in years, and, by all means, he was entitled to this breakdown.

Most of the time, Five was the one protecting you - looking out for you and leading the both of you out of dangerous and potentially lethal situations. Not that it was a completely one-sided dynamic but it was true that you tended to rely on him quite a lot in times of crisis. Five was good in crisis, exceptional actually. He made decisions quickly and didn’t hesitate to do absolutely anything it took to achieve his goals, which, unfortunately, meant that he was often forced to make choices where humanity and ethics were no longer a top priority.

Despite all that, Five always seemed in control, and even when he wasn’t, you knew he’d get it back eventually. You had placed your trust in him at all times, and only now were you starting to realize that it must have felt like a huge weight of responsibility on his shoulders. Granted, he was objectively smarter and more capable due to his superpowers but he was still human.

Hearing Five’s hopeless and feverish sobbing was unnerving, and you could only imagine what was going on in his cluttered and clearly overloaded mind as he was bawling his eyes out with such raw and genuine fury. From the lack of a better idea you simply waited for Five to cry himself out, patiently holding him in your arms and whispering words of reassurance into the air, not so much out of hope he’d hear them and listen but more as a means of letting him feel you were still there.

“I’m so fucking tired,” Five finally uttered but his words rather quickly got drowned in his weeping. You still got the message, though.

“You deserve to rest, Five,” you replied, feeling your legs start to shake from the weight of Five’s entire body leaning on your form. As much as you wanted to stay like this for as long as he needed, you couldn’t exactly go against your evident physical disadvantage. Five was a heavy gentleman, after all.

“Hey, let’s move to the bed, yeah?” it was more of a statement than a question, so you stepped towards the bed suggestively, expecting him to follow you. To your relief, he didn’t resist and followed your lead right away, seemingly too exhausted to even think, let alone disobey.

Five’s body was limp from the absence of energy, all of which had presumably gone into crying, and he could barely manage to walk on his own, so you grabbed at his shoulders to steady him.

It felt like his physical self was now merely a vehicle with no pilot to steer it, and his mind was long lost someplace else.

As you sat Five down, you caressed his cheek with your thumb, wiping away the trails of his tears whilst also trying to gently break him out of the prison of his troubled and restless brain. To your disappointment, it failed to spark any sort of response.

Right in this moment, he looked almost defenseless. Sure, he wasn’t an incapable baby all of a sudden but he was relying on you, reversing your roles and putting all of his worries and pain on your shoulders, basically asking you to carry them for him because he simply couldn’t anymore.

“Fives. Fives? Look at me, please?” you called, trying to shift his attention to something on the outside because you knew it was the looking inside that pushed him to crumble.

“Focus on my voice, alright?” you tried to keep your tone as steady and stern as you possibly could because right now you were his only bridge back to reality.

You pressed your palms against Five’s shoulders and slowly climbed onto his lap, resting your weight atop of him completely and hoping the pressure of it would manage to snap him out of his almost delirious daze.

As your hand reached for Five’s, you placed it on your chest right where your heart was beating and said:

“Can you feel it? It means I’m alive, Fives. I’m a human and a consciousness just like you. And I'm never leaving your side, no matter the circumstances. You’re never going to be alone, I promise you.”

You took Five by his chin with your other hand and softly guided his gaze upwards to meet your own, noticing his red glossy eyes finally regaining some clarity. The very peak of Five’s episode had already passed, and, as he was coming down from it, he encircled your waist with his arm and let his head sink to your shoulder with his eyes closed shut.

Still sitting straddled across his lap, you brushed your fingers through his soft silky hair and began to massage his scalp in a calming manner, trying to release some of the tension and lull him further into peacefulness. As your fingers moved a little lower, you knew you’d hit the sweet spot because Five literally purred into your skin as soon as he felt your nails gently scratch at the nape of his neck.

“How many times did I say you’re a cat, Hargreeves,” you rolled your eyes at his reaction and couldn’t resist a wide smile as you buried your nose in his hair. Five hummed quietly, and it was the only response you were going to get from him, which, to be fair, was already a big improvement so you couldn't really complain.

“How about we get you into some comfier clothes, wash your face and then you can tell me all about what’s been on your mind, hm?” you proposed confidently, still holding Five close and practically enveloping him in your warmth.

Your every movement was saturated with such understanding and care that not for a split second did Five feel like his vulnerability was making him weak or unworthy. It was quite the opposite, and with each passing moment he was beginning to feel like you were only making him stronger.

He nodded at your suggestion approvingly but didn’t move an inch, and you took it as a hint that he needed a few more minutes of sitting in silence; the bridge of his nose pressed to your collarbone as he was still finding his way back into the present.

You didn’t mind at all.

[captnjacksparrow]

So does Kishi officially hate NH and SS? Because I can't help but think like that when I see them in Boruto. Like no way he wants them to be seen as happy or content. Also, it seems like he still hates Sakura because just just look at her, she hasn't really changed. Her dynamic with Sasuke hasn't really changed. She gives chase, Sasuke ignores. Except Sasuke looks more depressed.

Hey, after fifteen years of us chasing after the story and characters we invested in so much, at least give us some indication that they are least happy after sooo many sacrifices, like they deserve that happiness.

But no, if anything, they seem totally miserable. What made Kishi do that? Yes, he can't show them ooc, but Sasuke marrying Sakura is already ooc. Naruto being a bad father is already ooc. Like why go to the extent of showing Sasuke trying not to touch Sakura and pointedly showing that they never kissed? That's just like a determined effort on Kishi's part to show that their marriage is not working. Naruto works way more than any of his predecessors and sleeps in the office or couch so as not to disturb Hinata, when Hinata is specifically designed to accommodate anything that Naruto might require.

Don't get me wrong, I think Boruto is trash. But I am still in interested in SNS in Boruto because that's still canon. Just makes me wonder how Kishi will finally conclude SNS, because their bond still shows clearly in Boruto. Do you think he will kill them any time soon?

Good ask, Anon☺️☺️❤️❤️

Before answering this, I am going to tell you that I don’t watch Boruto. But I know what happened so far, vaguely. Like, Gaiden arc, Karma seal, Kawaki adoption, Kurama’s death, loss of Rinnegan, Time travel arc. Anyways, I might have missed many interactions between Sasuke & Sakura in the filler episodes or other canonical episodes. I would be happy If you send me an episode list or timestamps in where they interact, so that it saves my time instead of me, watching that entire shit show. 

So does Kishi officially hate NH and SS?

In this post, I dissected SS from a non-SNS perspective. It seems Kishi went all out of his way to make their interactions too insincere, blunt and toxic. I mean Sasuke’s absolute lack of interest in her was very evident even until chapter 693. That is right before, their final VoTE fight. And even after Sakura comes to heal their injuries, he just said ‘Ummmm..... I guess Sorry’... 

Kishi could have made Sasuke say some corny shit to Sakura like how he felt bad inside for hurting her, how he missed her, wiping her tears or whatever (Puke!!!! 🤮🤮🤮). Because in the previous chapter, Sasuke basically confessed to Naruto internally about how he felt about Naruto when he was a child. Kishi could have done the same for Sakura in just 4, 5 panels. But anyways, my point is, Kishi’s moment to salvage that ship is chapter 699. 

But he didn’t.

Did Kishi tried to build their bond after marriage?

He definitely could’ve. But he didn’t. 

This shows his clear distaste in SS.

As for NH, Kishi is indifferent. He neither hates them nor loves them. Kishi created Hinata as a pairing fodder and she still is. 

Also, it seems like he still hates Sakura because just just look at her, she hasn't really changed. Her dynamic with Sasuke hasn't really changed. She gives chase, Sasuke ignores. Except Sasuke looks more depressed.

Hmmm, I don’t know whether Sasuke hates her, anon. Again, maybe I’ve missed those parts. But when he looks at her, it’s always filled with regrets and an urge to avoid her (like Itachi avoided Sasuke, but for totally sad and genuine reasons). 

But this again begs the question, ‘Why feeling regret or hesitant even after 12 years?’. 

Believe me anon, Love/Bonds/Understanding can happen at anytime of your life. From where I come from, not everyone marries out of love. Arranged marriages are common. But still, many couples make effort and work out their difference, and find love. Kishi could’ve done the same for SS too. 

Is Sasuke that heartless? No.

He was once a boy who bear hugged his brother every time Itachi comes back from the Academy. Itachi’s presence itself made Sasuke so happy. 

Did he become heartless after the massacre? Also no.

Even after the trauma, Sasuke just became aloof and cold. But he always becomes a child who can pout, be silly, becomes animated, bicker around Naruto. So, he can be lovely, but only around the people he choose by himself. 

Still, Sakura is not that person. So, he looks like he is depressed and wants to escape from her at any given chance because of a certain guilt. 

What made Kishi do that? Yes, he can't show them ooc, but Sasuke marrying Sakura is already ooc. Naruto being a bad father is already ooc. Like why go to the extent of showing Sasuke trying not to touch Sakura and pointedly showing that they never kissed? That's just like a determined effort on Kishi's part to show that their marriage is not working.

To answer, this goes way back, anon. 

Kishi is a person who prefers to write love through intense friendship, sensei-student dynamics and brotherhood. He can occasionally write cute and sweet romance but it can only be short like 2 or 3 pages... or a chapter, max. He can’t go on doing it for 70 chapters for romance. Which was evident from Minato & Kushina, Dan & Tsunade, Obito & Rin. 

But the real deal of Naruto manga is the bond between Naruto and Sasuke. The bond between Itachi and Sasuke also played a huge role in this series. And then comes Hashirama and Madara, Jiraiya and Naruto, Kakshi and Obito, Kakashi and Naruto and many more. So, Kishi pretty much gave an ending he wanted for a long time in chapter 699. He successively pulled off a great manga without corny and shitty romance but with just friendship and brotherhood alone. He didn’t give two shits about NH or SS before chapter 700.

Naruto series’ another success lies on it’s characters tragic backstories. I simply loved them all and most of them made me cry. 

Kishi wanted to move on from Naruto.

But then Money played a big part. Naruto series can be milked in a lot of ways. Editors wanted all the characters to become some baby making dolls. So you have to create pairings. Based on the popularity polls, they decided NH and SS.

In my opinion, Sasuke is a goal-oriented person. He is a wanderer who works on his own accords. Ever since he left Konoha when he was 13, that was his path, so you can’t make him stay in one place. At every stage of his life, he had different goals.

At age 8-15, he had one goal. To kill Itachi. Can he have a romance here? Nope.

At age 16, his goal is to destroy Konoha. No chance of romance in that dark path.

At age 17, he wanted to Revolutionize the shinobi system. Since he wanted to be alone for that goal, no possibility of romance.

At age 18, he adopted Naruto’s dream as his own. To make all shinobi cooperate and look out for Kaguya remains. Romance cannot happen here as he was constantly wandering around and he prefers to work alone.

This is how Kishi designed Sasuke’s character throughout.

Now all of a sudden, if you ask Kishi to go OOC by asking him to write corny romance for his favorite character Sasuke just for the sake of making him relevant to Boruto series, what will he do? 

Since Boruto is a series which is a sequel to Naruto, you pretty much know everyone’s backstory. Those 12 year old New Gen kids possibly can’t have tragic stories like Naruto or Sasuke. 

Kishi being a troller, used this opportunity to create a piss poor sob story for Sarada by making Sasuke as an absentee father and an unloving husband.

He created a sad story for Sarada and he gets to shit on SS ship. Two birds, One stone!!!! 

Now, Sasuke being an unloving husband is OOC ? Nope. He was never a marriage material in the first place. So he is perfectly in-character.

Sasuke being an absentee father is OOC? No and Yes. No, because it’s the effect of the cause I mentioned above. Yes, because unlike Naruto, Sasuke once had a father. He can try to reach her out now and often. but he prefers not to do instead he cares more about Boruto. LOL.

Sasuke being not family oriented is OOC? Nope. He is a goal oriented person. His goal is same as Naruto’s dream. He will go to any extent to fulfill it, even at the expense of his family’s happiness. Because that’s what he learnt from Itachi. What Itachi taught him was, even at the expense of his own happiness and Sasuke’s trauma, he preferred Konoha and Shinobi World’s peace. That’s what Sasuke is doing now. 

Naruto works way more than any of his predecessors and sleeps in the office or couch so as not to disturb Hinata, when Hinata is specifically designed to accommodate anything that Naruto might require.

As for Naruto, 

I think it’s very funny. And I guess, I know why.

Just like Sasuke, Naruto is also a goal oriented person. 

Remember, in that Boruto movie, Sasuke knocks Naruto’s door at the midnight?

Imagine if Naruto opened the door. 

Sasuke will be like, ‘Alright mothafucka!!! I wanted to die in the VoTE itself. You wanted me in your dream world. Am working my ass off for your stupid dreams and trying to reach you without even meeting my own family. And yet here you are, sleeping well and sound. Am just gonna Chidori you!!!’ LOL.

I think you get my point. 

If you make Sasuke to be an hardworker, then Naruto must work even hard to fulfill his dream. So you possibly can’t have Naruto playing duet with Himata or whatever trash. 

So kishi pulled his Two birds, One Stone for NH here!!!

In short, Kishi gets to make his New generation shine through this pathetic sob stories and at the same time, kept his favorite characters without going OOC. 

So, it’s a polite way of Kishi showing middlefinger to SS and NH for making him do this. He is saying, ‘Alright folks, you wanted this all along. But this is what you will get!!!’.

Just makes me wonder how Kishi will finally conclude SNS, because their bond still shows clearly in Boruto. Do you think he will kill them any time soon?

I think about this all the time. How will they end?? How will they die??

Now, don’t think I am some sadist for wanting them to die. I am just being practical and honest here. This is a new generation series. Of course, at some point, Naruto and Sasuke has to die for the sake of character development. And I will be happy if they die because I don’t like their miserable portrayal in Boruto at all. 

Naruto series has a pattern when it comes to death portrayal. Meaningful characters (except Neji) always die protecting someone/something they cherish. Jiraiya died for Naruto, Yahiko died for Konan & Nagato, Itachi died for Sasuke & Konoha, Haku died for Zabuza, Obito (younger) died for Kakashi & Rin and so on.

Ever since Naruto became Hokage, his death is pretty much plastered on his head. He will die protecting Konoha just like all the Hokages from First to Fourth who sacrificed their life for Konoha. 

But Sasuke??? 

I am going to say he will die protecting Naruto or the village. But for Naruto mostly. Either way, Sasuke will die first. 

Dying for Naruto, the reasons are crystal clear. He already died protecting Naruto once in the Zabuza arc. He will never hesitate to do it again. Which was evident from the way he told Naruto in the Boruto movie while giving his Susanoo, ‘If they capture the real you, then everything is gone’. Somewhere in Boruto Manga chapter 38 (I don’t remember properly), Sasuke was yelling at Naruto, ‘If you are gone, it’s pretty hopeless’ and was praying ‘Naruto, don’t you die’. 

So it’s pretty much Sasuke saying to Naruto, ‘I’ll protect you, You protect everyone’

But why the village?? Why will Sasuke die for Konoha which caused him so much pain?? I know anti-konoha stans wont like this, but that’s the reality.

It seems many Sasuke fans never paid attention to his character. After hearing the story from all the Hokages, Sasuke said, ‘I will not let Itachi’s life and this village into nothing’. He really meant it. Because for Sasuke, Itachi was more precious. Itachi died saying, ‘I’ll have protected my village as Uchiha Itachi of Konoha once again. I have no more regrets’. Sasuke wanted to respect his brother’s wish finally and that’s why he openly claimed in the battlefield, ‘I am going to protect Konoha and become it’s Hokage’. Sasuke’s another precious person is Naruto. He is the Hokage now. 

Don’t you think Sasuke will die protecting something Itachi and Naruto values so much??

He even claimed it openly in Boruto Manga. ‘I would die anytime for Konoha, as has your dad (Naruto)’

Sasuke even said to Boruto, “I will stop you even if I have to kill you”. And do you think Sasuke is just pouring out some empty words??? Sasuke will not let Boruto to turn into an Otsutsuki monster and destroy the village.

Like I said, Sasuke will go out first. And eventually Naruto will follow him. Or they both die protecting the village together. I don’t see them dying for their wives or children. Because, their relationship with their family is not too strong and their ambitions are far beyond their own families.

Maybe for this reason, Kishi is trolling NH and SS in Boruto. LOL.

Naruto’s bond with Sasuke was formed even before his birth, when Kushina asked the 3 month old Baby Sasuke to be friends with Naruto.

However, One thing is for sure. One will not live very long without the Other or Both will die together. That’s how their bond should end. 

[simp-ly-in-love]

Bummer Summer

Step 3 (18 y/o)

Summary: Jamie is having a hard day mentally and Cove is eager to help them out 

Words: 2100

Trigger Warning: I am basing this off of what a less severe depressive episode may look like. In this, Jamie is on medication and has been seeing a therapist for years. Cove is privy to their lows prior to this episode. If you are easily triggered by mentions of depression/ vague descriptions of dissociation please read at your own risk. And if you are feeling low and can access help, please do :)

You couldn’t quite put your finger on what had felt off when you woke up, besides the extra strong desire to stay nestled comfortably in bed. You had thought that perhaps you had just had a bit of morning laziness, that surely would pass after an hour or so of browsing on your phone. Doubt started to creep in around the 45 minute mark, and after the morning slowly crept into the afternoon, you realized that perhaps that wasn’t going to be the case after all.

The slightly bad taste in your mouth from morning breath did nothing to persuade you to get up, nor did the low rumble of your stomach or the dryness of your mouth. The idea leaving bed simply seemed like an increasingly impossible task for today.

Wanting to block out this uncomfortable realization, you pulled your covers over your head and willed yourself to fall back asleep. Mom and Ma must have been out for the day since they hadn’t been up to check on you by now. And you vaguely remembered Liz mentioning she was leaving for the day to meet up with some friends. On any other day, having the house to yourself might have been nice, but now it just felt lonely.

The staccato buzzing of your phone cut through the silence, and begrudgingly you checked to see who had texted you.

Cove:  Jamie Are you home? I haven’t seen any sign of you all day

You felt mildly bad that you didn’t have the energy to respond. But even that bit of remorse felt muted, far away somehow. With a sigh, you turned your phone off, not wanting any more potential interruptions. You closed your eyes once more, hoping to drift out of consciousness…

…

“Jamie?” A soft voice called out to you, accompanied by a series of light shakes to your shoulder, pulling you from your second nap of the day. A mop of green hair greeted you as you blearily blinked the sleep from your eyes. You felt your eyebrows pinch together in confusion, and the voice spoke again before you could ask what Cove was doing there.

“You read my messages, but didn’t reply. You never do that” Cove explained, sheepishly. It was true, you had always made time for a quick reply whenever you had gotten a message. “I got a bit anxious, so I figured I’d check on you…”

For a moment, silence filled the air once more, as you stared at one another. You could see the concern pooled in Cove’s eyes as he stared back at you. Still you found yourself at a loss and couldn’t find the words to reply.

“Did you take your meds today?” Cove asked, determined to figure out what was going on with you. His head swung to look at your desk as he spoke, searching to see if you’d taken your daily dose. His eyebrows raised slightly in alarm when he saw the day’s portion still occupied. Without a thought, he quickly crossed the room and grabbed your meds and a half open bottle of water that had been on your desk. He offered them to you, looking at you with a mixture of pleading and expectancy.

Using all of your strength, you sat up for the first time all day, gingerly taking the pills and open bottle from him. Cove smiled softly as he watched you take your meds and drain the rest of the water. He took it from you once empty and threw it in your trash can with ease before joining you on your bed

“Are you having a hard day?” He asked, and you replied with a nod. Cove’s lips parted, presumably to ask you another question, when he was cut off by a much louder groan from your stomach. After a moment of surprise he let out a little chuckle then said, “I guess that answers my next question”

You felt your face flush with embarrassment at the exchange, but were relieved to see nothing but a soft smile on Cove’s face. Of course he never would have laughed at you for something like this, but seeing him still look at you like he always had in your current state really helped any lingering unease.

“Tell you what; How about if you go get ready for the day, and I’ll go get us something to eat?” Cove suggested cheerfully. Though still muted, you felt your heart fill a bit. You could always count on him to take care of you at times like this. When you agreed, his smile grew wide.

“Up and at ‘em” he declared, hopping out of bed and offering you both of his hands to take. Allowing yourself to stretch your back first, you placed both of your hands in his and allowed him to help you out of bed. As you slowly shuffled around your room, grabbing clothes from here and there to change into, Cove offered some words of encouragement and praise. “Take as long as you need,” He said with a smile after dropping you off at the bathroom. You nodded in acknowledgement to him before closing the door.

…

You could feel a change in yourself as soon as you stepped out of the bathroom. You definitely felt lighter after cleaning up, without the feelings of shame and slight disgust weighing you down. Feeling fresh even gave you the energy to discard your old clothes in the hamper and make your bed before heading downstairs.

As promised, Cove was sitting at the kitchen table with two bags from your favorite fast food place and some tall water glasses. When he heard your padding over, he looked up from his phone and smiled. “You look great, Jamie!” he stated, with the same enthusiasm he had the night of the ORCA fundraiser. His enthusiasm brought a sheepish curve to your lips as you joined him at the table.

“I know it’s not the healthiest, but I figured you’d enjoy some comfort food” Cove rambled as he handed you your meal and one glass of water.

“Thanks” You said gratefully before digging in, not quite catching the proud expression Cove was wearing. You ate together in comfortable silence, and you had to admit it felt incredibly good to finally have a full stomach and some water in you.

The orange hue of evening sun was the first thing you had noticed once you had finally tuned into your surroundings. Your mouth opened in awe when you checked the clock in the kitchen and it read almost 7 pm.

“I can’t believe I spent the whole day in bed…” You mumbled with a mixture of disappointment and sadness. While your mental health was something that you had actively been working on improving for years, there were still days like today. Sometimes, it made you feel like all of the progress you had made had been thrown out the window.

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself” Cove offered, his hand reaching across the table to capture one of yours. “I’m so proud of you for getting out of bed and getting ready,” he added, determined to re-inflate your mood. He let go only to clean up after you both and refill your waters.

Having only been satisfied after watching you drink two more full glasses of water, Cove suggested you go on a walk together. Truthfully, you weren’t quite feeling up to it, but you’d felt bad rejecting the idea when you knew he was only trying to help.

The sun was almost fully set by the time you’d arrived at the beach, adding a coolness to the air and the sand. Kicking off both of your shoes, Cove offered you a hand once more. You took it, allowing him to guide you to the shore. The coolness of the water was more shocking than you thought it’d be, causing you to jump a bit at the contact. A light laugh escaped from Cove, who seemed to be enjoying himself well enough as he watched you begin regrounding with the world.

You stood still, letting your eyes close as you focused on your surroundings. Taking a deep breath, you smelled the patent saltiness of the sea. The cool waves still washed over your ankles, though their chill was less shocking to you now. The distant cries of seagulls and chirps of crickets could be heard. A light wind gently stirred your hair, slightly tickling you. And the warm hand in yours offered a calming, comfortable presence.

When you reopened your eyes, the sky had changed from hues of orange to purples and blues. You turned to Cove, your rock for the day, and drew him in for a hug. He happily accepted, giving you a tight squeeze in return, his cheek resting on the top of your head. The two of you stayed like that until you were ready to let go, and to Cove’s delight, you were beaming at him.

“Thanks for taking care of me today, Cove”

“Thank you for going along with it,” he replied cheekily, flashing you a broad smile of his own. He knew you well enough to know that sometimes it took you more than one try to accept help when it was offered to you, especially on days like today. He was genuinely thrilled that you had allowed yourself to be vulnerable with him enough to let him take care of you. “Should we head back?”

“Sure” you agreed easily, this time offering him your hand to hold as you led the way home. You walked together, hand in hand, in silence until about halfway home when a thought suddenly occurred to you.”Hey Cove… How did you get in?”

A deep flush fell over Cove’s cheeks at the question. His free hand scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck, his eyes averted from yours as he awkwardly replied, “I… may or may not have picked the lock at your window…”

“WHAT?!” You exclaimed, more surprised than upset really.

Flustered by your reaction, Cove panickily tried to explain, “The front door was locked- and I tried calling you but your phone was going straight to voicemail. Then I saw you in bed and tried to wake you but you didn’t hear me… So i just-” Cove fished out his utility knife and mimed picking your window lock.

“Sorry… Please don’t be mad” Cove pleaded, puppy dog eyes aimed straight at you. You could only shake your head ruefully at his antics.

“Maybe I should just leave my windows unlocked from now on…” you mused aloud, bringing a smile back to Cove’s. You weren’t quite sure if it was due to his lack of a punishment or because he genuinely found the idea appealing.

“Honestly, why didn’t we think of that years ago?” Cove huffed out in a laugh.

“True, it would have saved me from you waking me up in the middle of the night all the time” You teased back. By the time your joint laughter died down, you had reached the street between your houses.

“Thanks again, Cove” You said, simultaneously pulling him in for another hug.

“Anytime Jamie… I hope tomorrow’s a better day. And even if it’s not, I’ll always be right across the street” You felt your heart melt a bit at his offer, and you gave him an extra tight squeeze in response. You really had been blessed with the sweetest, and most wonderfully attentive neighbor.

“Goodnight, Jamie” Cove bid you. You did the same, finally releasing him from your embrace and made your way to your respective front doors. Of course you both looked back at another before heading inside, offering each other a smile and a wave before finally letting the door close shut.

***

Only when you were ready for bed did you recover your cell phone that you had accidentally left in bed when you made it earlier. After waiting a few minutes for it to turn back on, a series of buzzes went off in rapid succession.

Cove:  Helllooooo Earth to Jamieeeee Why didn’t you respond ? I’m going to try calling you…

Conveniently, you also had 3 missed calls

Cove:  That’s it, I’m coming over Reply if you don’t want me to Or if you do … On my way

You couldn’t help but laugh at his unreturned messages. If there was one thing you could always count on, it was definitely Cove cheering you up, you thought as you settled into bed, a smile resting firmly on your face.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Two

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry. (No smut yet, getting closer though.)

Part One

Harry drove straight to Niall’s apartment, and banged on the door as soon as he got there.

“Good thing I didn’t have a woman over!” Niall says to him, letting Harry walk in. “So, how was the date?”

“It was great, actually.”

“Don’t sound so surprised, I wouldn’t set you up with some idiot.”

“Well, you have before.”

“And yet you still trusted me.” Niall’s phone buzzes, he check it and smiles.

“Is that her?”

“Oh no, I’m not stayin’ in the middle of this. Did you give her your number?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, so text her.”

“It’s too soon. Maybe in a little while I certainly won’t wait until tomorrow.”

“Did anything happen between you two?”

“She kissed me on the cheek before she got into her car. I would have liked to do more, but I didn’t want to push it.”

“Good idea. I won’t fill you in on too much because it’s not my story to tell, but she’s been burned in the past, so taking it slow with her is smart.” Harry plops down on the couch.

“She’s so smart, and funny. There was never a lull in conversation. And she complimented my nails. Like, she genuinely liked them.”

“Why wouldn’t she?”

“I don’t know, you know how some people can be.”

“When do you think you’ll see her again?”

“No idea. I don’t want to seem too eager.” Niall’s phone buzzes again. “It is her! What is she saying?”

“Nothing, she just thanked me for setting her up with such a nice guy, and that she had a really nice time.” Harry smiles a toothy smile.

“We really did have a nice time. Ugh, the dress she wore, it was breathtaking.” He slaps his forehead with his palm.

“What?”

“I’m such an idiot, I never even complimented her appearance.”

“That could be a good way to start a conversation over text later.”

“Brilliant! I’ll give it an hour or so.”

Harry left Niall’s after an hour. When he got home, he settled into a pair of sweatpants, and got cozy on his couch, flipping the TV on. He grabbed his phone and texted you.

“I had a great time tonight. I forgot to tell you how beautiful you looked.” He awaited your reply nervously. Within five minutes, you responded.

“I had a great time too, and thank you!” You had sent along the smiling emoji with the blushing cheeks.

You two texted back and forth for about an hour, until you passed out. He figured as much when you stopped responding, and put himself to bed. The next morning you frantically texted him.

“So sorry, I fell asleep!”

“G’morning beautiful.” He promptly responded. This sent butterflies through your stomach and made you squeal. Suddenly you were in high school again, getting excited over as something as simple as a good morning text. “What are you up to today?”

“Just the usual Sunday routine, cleaning, grocery shopping, meal prepping. All that fun stuff ;)”

“Sounds about the same as my routine, lol”

The texting dwindled by midday. You both got busy with other things. Sunday evening you decided to do a little self-care, and put a clay mask on while watching TV. Just as you were settling in, you heard the buzzer for your apartment, and saw a missed call from Niall.

“Is it just you down there?”

“Of course, who else would be with me?”

“You know who!”

“Would ya just let me up?!” You rolled your eyes and buzzed him in.

He immediately burst into laughter when he saw your face. You swatted at him to stop. You went into the bathroom to wash everything off.

“What are you even doing here?” You asked, coming back into the living room. He was now seated on your couch.

“I wanted to hear about your date.”

“It couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” You asked, sitting down next to him.

“No because we would just get interrupted with work. He came over last night right after.”

“Really?” You perked up.

“Mhm, he had a great time. Did he end up texting ya?”

“Yeah we talked all night, and he said good morning to me today. It was so sweet.”

“Oh good, he was nervous it would be too soon to contact you.”

“You don’t have to do this y’know.”

“Do what?”

“Become this middle man.”

“S’not what I’m doin’. I just wanted to see how you were. I’m your friend, and I never want to see you how were like that last time.” A flash back to your horrible appearance from your depressive episode plays in your head.

“That was over a year ago. I’m much better now. I saw a therapist remember? I wasn’t treated right, and I blamed myself, but I don’t anymore. That guy was just a jackass. Harry seems really sweet.”

“He is, he’s one of the nicest guys I know.”

“He told me you became really good friends because you both don’t like wearing clothes.” You can’t hide your laughter.

“That asshole.” He laughed along with you.

The next day at work, you brought Niall a coffee. You couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. You hadn’t texted anymore, but you didn’t think much of it. Around noon, just before you went to meet Niall for lunch, you got a call. You saw Harry’s name, and closed your office door.

“Hello?”

“Afternoon beautiful.” You blush and silently squeal to yourself.

“Afternoon, handsome.” You hear a small chuckle. “What’s up?”

“Nothin’, I was just wonderin’ when I could see ya next.”

“Oh, well, how about Friday after work?”

“Too long from now. Do you not go out on school nights?” He teased. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Something like that. I like to go to the gym after work, and by the time I get home I eat dinner, shower up, have a little time for TV, and then go to bed.”

“I suppose Friday could work. Honestly, if I met you for lunch or something I don’t think I’d be able to let you go back to work.” He said in a playful tone, trying not to sound controlling.

“Did you have anything in mind? Dinner again?” You didn’t mind going out to eat again.

“Sure, we could do that. Something less formal though.”

“That sounds good to me.” There’s a knock on your door. “I gotta go, but I’ll text you later to flesh out the details.”

“Alright, talk you soon.”

You hang up and open your door to find Niall, he sighs with relief.

“Christ, I thought you left and I was going to be forced to eat with those old biddies.”

“I would never do that to you.” You grab your lunch box and head with him to the break room. “Harry just called, we’re going out Friday after work.” You say, both sitting down at a small table.

“That’s great! Where are ya gonna go this time?”

“Don’t know yet.” You shovel some food into your mouth. “Somewhere more casual. I’d love to go like one of those adult arcades or something, maybe I’ll suggest that.”

“Oh he’d love that. But be careful, he tends to get competitive.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” You smile at your friend. You know he means well, and you appreciate him looking out for you.

That night after work, you decide to be bold and give Harry a call after getting home from the gym.

“Good evening.” He says.

“Hey, sorry for not getting back to you earlier, I had meetings all afternoon, I barely got anything done.”

“S’no problem, love.” Must be a British thing that he keeps calling you love.

“I thought of something fun we could do Friday.”

“Oh really? Lemme hear it.”

“How about going to one of those adult arcades? Like Dave and Busters?”

“Oh, that sounds like great fun. They have dinner and stuff there too. I don’t think there’s one around here though.”

“There’s a place like it, sort of an off brand version. I’ve been a couple times with my girlfriends, it’s a lot of fun.”

“Sounds good to me. Good way to blow off steam at the end of the work week.”

“For sure.”

The place you suggested was called Pinz. It was this massive adult arcade that also had bowling. There were two giant bars, and plenty of places to sit and have a meal. You had been for a bachelorette party and it was so much fun. There’s something for everyone to do.

You and Harry text and call each other throughout the week. By the time Friday rolls around you’re extremely excited to see him face to face again. You pack everything you’re going to wear that night in your work bag as you agreed to meet around six. The day went by surprisingly quick. You locked your office door so you could get changed. You put on a dark pair of skinny jeans, and a pair of black booties. Next you put on a red short sleeve top. You changed necklaces, and freshened your perfume. Your hair was in a high, wavy pony, and you liked the way your hair cascaded over your shoulders, so you kept it like that. As you walked out, you bumped into Niall.

“Well don’t you look lovely?” He said.

“Aw, thank you. I’m so excited to see him.”

“He’s excited too.”

You exchanged goodbyes as you made your way to your cars. You fell a little nervous driving up to the bar. You had second date jitters for sure. You got there a little before six. You wanted to have a drink before he got there, or at least start one. Around six fifteen, half way through your drink, you get a text from him saying he just parked. You smiled and told him you were inside already. Moments later you see him walk in. He was wearing black jeans, which were slightly ripped at the knees. He also had on a pair of boots. He had a green t-shirt on, and smiled the minute he saw you.

When he got over to you, this time instead of a handshake, he took you in for a gentle hug. He noticed the drink in your hand.

“Starting without me I see?” You look down and your face goes red. “Teasing.” He orders himself a drink. “Cool place, it’s massive.”

“Yeah, there’s definitely plenty to do.”

“Would you mind if we ate first? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t starved. I had to skip my lunch today.”

“Of course!”

You two are seated in just a few minutes. Harry frowns when he looks at the menu.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’, just a lot of like chicken wings and ribs and stuff. Not sure what I can eat is all.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I figured we’d get some apps like mozzarella sticks or spinach dip, I completely forgot you don’t eat cheese. If you want we can leave and come back.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll get a salad or something. Look here, chips and guac. Do you like guacamole?”

“Love it!”

“Then we can split that if you like.” He gives you a smile, and you feel at ease.

You both get a garden salad, and the chips and guac. Once you’re both properly fed, you get two more drinks, and head over to the arcade section. You start off the with basketball game. Usually Harry would be competitive, but he gets distracted by the way your shirt subtly lifts up when you shoot, just barely seeing your midriff. He notices your belly piercing and smirks. He makes up his baskets, and ends up beating you at the game.

Next you go to ski ball, which you end up beating him at, not that either of you were keeping score. You both shied away from the games that were literally just for winning tickets. You share many laughs, and before you know it, you’re drunk. How did you manage to get drunk at the arcade? Salad. You literally ate the lightest thing on the menu. He seemed to be a bit buzzed, but doing better than you.

“Mind if we sit for a bit?” You ask him. Music was starting to play. The DJ must have just gotten there. Oh yeah, there’s a dance floor here too, you remember.

“Sure thing.”

You find a high top to sit at, and Harry gets you both some water.

“Thank you, I’m parched.” The cold water slaps the back of your throat, careful not to drink too much in fear of throwing up.

“This place is great.” He smiles at you.

“I’m glad you’re having a good time. I never asked you earlier, why did you skip lunch?” A little hiccup comes out, and you cover your mouth.

“Just a busy day shootin’ pictures. We had a tough time getting the lighting just right. I’m too picky for my own good sometimes.”

“Do you ever travel for work?”

“Sometimes, not as often as I used to. I don’t quite like traveling anymore.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well for work at least. I mean, I’m about to turn twenty-six, it was getting old barely spending time at my apartment that I pay way too much rent for to not actually live in it. I’d rather travel on my own time, and take pictures that I want to take. Not just follow a shot list.”

“That makes a lot of sense.” You say nodding along to his story. He looks at his watch. It’s already nine.

“Not to sound too forward or anything, but would you care to get outta here? I’m not much one for dancing, and it’s getting louder in here by the second.”

“Sure!”

You stand up, and he puts his hand on the small of our back to help guide you through the people. As you walk outside the fresh air hits you, and it feels amazing. You look up at him concerned.

“Harry.”

“Yes?”

“I think I’m too drunk to drive.” He laughs.

“Don’t worry, love, I can drive us.”

“You’re okay to?”

“Yeah, I didn’t have that much, remember you were a whole drink ahead of me.” He winks at you. “I can always pick you up tomorrow to get your car.” You appreciate that he’s clear about not spending the night together.

“That would be great. We can go hang out at my place if ya want?” You slur. “Might be easier if you already know where I live.”

“That works.”

He walks you to his car, and opens the door for you. You give him your address and he puts it in the GPS. You sober up a bit on the drive, but definitely still feel a buzz. You walk up the steps of your apartment, and open the door for him. You key in, and thank god you had thought to clean up.

Your apartment was cute and simple. It was a one bedroom, and you had an en suite bath. There was a half bath next to the coat closet as you first walked in. That was partially why you rented this specific place. You loved having a bathroom right there in case you really needed to pee. As you walk in to the main area there was an open concept kitchen and living room. You used a futon on as your couch so guests had a place to sleep if need be.

“This is a nice place you have.” He says looking around.

“Thanks, it’s definitely a big girl apartment. It’s nice to finally make enough money where I don’t need a roommate.”

“I know the feeling. It was nice living with Niall for so long, but after a certain point you just want your own space.”

“Can I get you anything?” You ask walking over to the kitchen, he follows and sits down on one of the stools at your island.

“Just some water would be great, love.”

You fill up two glasses of water, and hand him one. You guzzle yours down, and fill up another immediately. You realize how much you need to pee.

“Pardon me, I’ll be right back.”

You go use your bathroom, and freshen up your makeup. When you walk back out Harry has made himself comfortable on your couch. You see him scrolling through his phone. He smiles up at you when he notices you. He pats the spot next to him, and you sit down, tucking one leg under yourself.

“What’s your apartment like?” You ask, trying to think of something to say.

“Sorta like this actually. Only mine’s a studio.”

“Oh, you don’t mind just having your bed out?”

“I don’t have guests over often. I work a lot on the weekends sometimes. It’s enough space for me.” He gives you a half smile. “I’m sure eventually I’ll get something bigger, but for now it works. Less to clean too.”

“Good point. I started out in a studio when I first moved out of my roommate’s place, but I felt like I was in an oversized dorm. Once I saved up some money I got this place. Been here a little over a year now.”

“It’s a nice neighborhood too.”

“Yeah! No creeps in this building either. I feel really safe. Plus Niall doesn’t live too far away either.”

“Definitely nice to have a friend close by. Where do your girlfriends live?”

“A couple of them live together on the other side of town. My best girlfriend just got married about six months ago. Her and her boyfr-husband live in the suburbs in their house.”

“Wow, a house.”

“I know right? He’s an oral surgeon so he makes a ton of money. I think he covered their entire down payment.”

“Did she marry him for that fact?”

“No, they were friends for a long time actually. One day they both went out, got drunk, and hooked up. Next thing we all knew they were a couple.” You look down for a second then back up. “It really changed the group dynamic if I’m being honest. We all stopped hanging out as much, it was hard. But I’m happy for them. Then I met Niall at work and things got better too.”

“Can I ask, did you and Niall ever go out?”

“Oh, god no. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the accent had me swooning when we first met, but he’s more like a brother to me than anything. I wouldn’t survive that job without him. I’m not sure why he and I became such fast friends, but I’m glad we did.”

“He raved about you for a long time, and I always told him to just ask you out, but I’m glad he didn’t.” He lets out a nervous laugh.

“He’s just sweet like that.”

“He mentioned one time that you had really been through it, and he knew you were better off having a friend.”

“Yeah, um, a little over a year ago something happened, but…”

“Jesus, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even brought anything up.”

“No, it’s okay. Maybe I’ll tell you some other time, but not tonight.”

“Fair enough, sorry.” He gives your bent knee a little squeeze, and takes it away. You miss his touch immediately.

“It’s okay, really.” You smile. “Sometimes I just don’t have a great judge of character I guess.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What made you agree to a blind date?”

“I don’t know exactly. I was sort of getting sick of the online dating thing. Most of those things were just for hook ups anyway. I know twenty-four isn’t old, but I just felt like I was getting too old for it. I have to say, I wanted to cancel with you.”

“Why’s that?” He says, fake offended.

“Because I couldn’t find you online anywhere! I found your Instagram, but there was no picture of you. I practically stalked Niall’s Facebook, but I couldn’t tell which one you were in any group photo. And he wouldn’t show me a picture of you.” Harry laughs at your sloothyness.

“When I finished grad school I got rid of my Facebook, and turned my Instagram into my brand for my freelance work. I do have a private Instagram though, but it’s under a completely different username.”

“Hm, maybe you’ll show it to me?”

“Perhaps another time.” He winks at you. “I found you online, although I couldn’t see much.”

“My privacy settings are tight.”

“I noticed.”

“So, you saw my face then?”

“I did, and I still wanted to meet you.” You scoff and nudge his shoulder as he laughs at his bad joke. “Teasing.” He puts his hands up. “I saw your picture and couldn’t believe such a beautiful woman was single.” You roll your eyes with a smile.

“You know exactly what to say don’t you?” He shakes his head no. “What made you agree to a blind date?”

“Same reason as you, I guess. Although, I almost didn’t agree because that bastard has set me up with some real stinkers before.”

“Well I’m glad I wasn’t a stinker.” You laugh.

“Me too.” He puts his hand over yours and gives it a squeeze. You slump further into the couch, feeling relaxed by his touch. He furrows his eyebrows for a moment while he looks at you. He reaches his hand up, and swipes his thumb across your cheek bone. You nearly flinch. “Sorry, eyelash.” He holds it up so you can see. “Make a wish.” He smiles. You nearly melt. You close your eyes and blow softly on his thumb.

When you open your eyes back up to look at him, you notice his pupils have gotten larger. He leans in close, cupping your cheek with his hand.

“Is this alright?” He says in almost a whisper. You nod your head yes.

You close your eyes, and feel his lips brush against yours. He kisses you lightly, almost tender. You kiss him back, and lean into him. He puts his hands on your back to pull you a little closer. Your hands press flatly onto his chest. You both sink into the kiss. His lips tasted like mint from the gum he had chewed in his car. You want to part your lips for him to let him in and explore, but you’re also afraid to move too fast. You break the kiss and look at him. His eyes pop open and gives you a concerned look.

“Something wrong, love?”

“No, it’s just, I don’t want this to move too fast.” You try to keep a soft expression to assure him it’s more of a you thing than it is him.

“Alright.” He smiles at you. “Should I be going then?”

“That might be for the best.” He gets up, and you follow him out the hallway. “It was a really nice kiss though.” You say, surely blushing.

“I’d very much like to do it again sometime.”

“Me too.”

“What time should I grab you to pick up your car?”

“Fuck, I almost forgot about that. What time works for you, I’m on your schedule.”

“How about around ten? We could go for brunch if you like?”

“Oh I would love that Harry.” You beam at him. “Thank you for being so understanding tonight.”

“Don’t thank me, (y/n). You told me to stop so I did.” He smiled and shrugged. “I’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight.”

You pull him in for a hug, and quick kiss on the lips, which surprises him. He sighs happily when you finish your hug. He leaves and you sigh as well. You could kick yourself. You wanted more of him, you wanted to see how he actually tasted. But you were so scarred from the last time you started seeing someone that you just couldn’t do that to yourself again.

[punksarahreese]

I haven't had another episode, except last night was touch and go + Mr Crockett

Episode | Crockett Marcel

Excerpt from a psych!AU I’ll never write; Crockett is an inpatient in the psych ward and he has therapy with his favourite Psychiatrist

Prompt: “I haven’t had another episode, except last night was touch and go.”

Word count: 1797

CW: Psych ward, talks of depressive episodes, brief mention of dermatillomania, schizoaffective disorder, child death

***

“Mr. Marcel?” the voice at his door made Crockett groan, recognizing the voice as the nurse who always disturbed him at ridiculous hours. He wanted to have a talk with whoever decided pill time would be at six in the morning, how was he supposed to “heal” if they never let him get any sleep?

“Maggie, can’t you let me sleep for another hour,” he rolled over and sighed when she shook her head. Medication and vitals were a morning routine, every day before the sun even thought about rising completely. Routine was good, they told him, a routine would help with figuring out what was reality and what was his mind playing tricks. He didn’t think so, nothing would stop the fact that he saw his daughter clear as day despite the 5th anniversary of her death steadily approaching.

“Up and at ‘em, mister,” the nurse mused as she marched over with his tray and the cart carrying the monitors. He obliged because he had no choice but to do so, even though he hated the way the pills made him feel. Antipsychotics were something Crockett hated, ever since his diagnosis back when he was just twenty-one. They made him feel incorrect, as if he was floating through life with blinders on. He knew they were supposed to help, to show him what was really there, but he couldn’t help but think it made him more miserable.

“You have one-on-one therapy today,” she reminded him as she watched Crockett take his pills and then checked under his tongue to ensure he wasn’t hiding them. He had tried that a couple times and sometimes it worked on the younger nurses, but not Maggie. She knew all, especially these kinds of tricks, and Crockett wasn’t about to risk mandatory IV medications for another month just for one day without the drugs.

“Oh lovely,” he muttered, “Not that Charles guy again, right? He’s insufferable.”

Maggie laughed, “Oh please, Daniel is just fine.”

“Insufferable,” he restated with an eye-roll, still complying when she held out the pulse oximeter to clip it to his fingertip. Maggie just hummed, watching the machine for a moment before speaking.

“I’ll pretend you didn’t say that. If it makes it any better, though, you’ll be seeing Doctor Reese today.”

That brought a smile to his face, though it was one that never quite reached his eyes. Maggie wasn’t sure if she had ever seen a genuine smile from Crockett, certainly not since Harper’s death and the worsening of his illness. Still, if one thing made his days more bearable it was sessions with Doctor Reese, who Crockett had started to consider more of a friend than a physician by that point.

“Our Sarah,” he hummed as she took the device off his hand, “She’s lovely.”

“She is,” the nurse agreed, “Now go get ready for the day, Crockett. You’ll be expected in the dining hall by 7:00 and I certainly won't have you slumming around in your pyjamas all day; you know the drill.”

***

By noon, Crockett was ready to go back to bed. Breakfast had been as dull as always, with his friend Ava in solitary for the next two days he didn’t have many people to speak to. Well, Natalie liked to talk to him but, if he was being honest, she could be a little much. She was just excited, Maggie insisted, but she tried to get Crockett to talk about his hallucinations far too often for him to be comfortable.

Jimmy sat with him that day, though. He didn’t talk much, or ever really, but he was decent company. They played cards together sometimes and always partnered for the team-building exercises in group therapy. Crockett didn’t press for verbal communication and Jimmy never judged him for his episodes; it was a friendship built on silent respect and they were both pleased with that arrangement. Still, Crockett often preferred to be alone, and that day was no different, so he retreated to his bedroom the second they allowed him to.

When nurse April arrived at his door with her tablet in hand, Crockett had been staring blankly at the TV. It wasn’t on, never was, but he watched it as if the most riveting program was playing. He wasn’t focusing on a delusion, though, and he promised April that when she asked if he was okay. The meds got rid of most of his visual symptoms, though the auditory ones were still a frequent occurrence with or without the drugs. He just liked to look at the TV, letting his mind wander to a time where he could actually enjoy television. It had been about five years by then, the last movie he remembered watching being the Princess and the Frog. Harper had loved that movie and talked excitedly of visiting New Orleans to see where her papa and Princess Tiana were both from. She never got there, unfortunately; the cancer taking her before her dad had the time to buy plane tickets.

“Come now, Crockett. Sarah is waiting in the conference room for you.”

He let the nurse lead him down the hall, silent because his head was still miles away. He was alert and lucid, that wasn’t the problem. Today it wasn’t delusions that plagued Crockett, instead it was the memories that had started to hurt him the most. Sarah would ask about that, especially once she saw the semi-lunar marks along the inside of his wrists, turning to scratches that curled up towards his biceps. Maggie hadn’t seen them because of his long sleeve shirt that morning but Sarah would check, she always did. It’s not as though Crockett did it on purpose, but when he couldn’t sleep at night and his skin was crawling all he could do was dig his nails in and pray for it to stop. The bugs weren’t there, Sarah always said they weren’t real, but his skin felt wrong and nothing would stop it. He had to scratch, he would tell her; it was the only way to make it stop.

“Crockett,” she greeted him cheerfully the second he stepped into the room, “Have a seat.”

“Hello, Sarah,” he replied as kindly as he could, though he was a bit distracted. His mood had been pretty low all morning, which was probably evident in his posture and demeanour.

“How have you been doing?

Crockett just shrugged, occupying himself with studying Sarah’s name badge. She had gotten a new one, the piece of plastic now boasting “psychiatry fellow”. She had been his secondary therapist since she was just in her second year of residency, so it was nice to see her climbing the ranks. It was well deserved, of course; Sarah had been the one constant in his most recent stay that kept Crockett relatively sane.

“Crockett?”

“Fine, I guess,” he muttered, “I haven’t had another episode… except last night was touch and go.”

“How so?” She was always so patient, not pushing too much, but she did need answers. If he was still having episodes on his antipsychotics, they may need to adjust the dosage again. He hoped she wouldn’t, though, because he hated the constant brain fog that came along with high dosing.

“A low, again.” he was fidgeting with his sleeve, not able to make eye contact at that point. His depression was a topic he never liked to discuss, since it was an aspect of his disorder he hadn’t been aware of until after Harper. Before it was just schizophrenia, a diagnosis that came about after a paranoia episode landed him in handcuffs in the security office at his university. However, when he hit a major low after Harper’s leukaemia was found, his primary psychiatrist noted that his diagnosis may be more than they expected. Schizoaffective disorder with the depression variant, he was told, and that was probably a factor in why he didn’t respond to the medications in the beginning.

“I see,” Sarah typed something onto his chart before looking up at him with gentle eyes, “Do you want to share how you felt?”

“I miss her,” he admitted softly, “It’s hard.”

“I know, I’m genuinely sorry, Crockett. Harper must have been so loved, I’m sure she misses you.”

“The meds…” Crockett huffed, “I can’t see her anymore.”

“Crockett, she’s not there,” Sarah’s words were gentle but still firm, as if he needed a reminder that his only daughter was dead before she even got to live a proper life. That reality was something that never left his mind, a nagging feeling that haunted him every single day. Meds or not, it was hard, but without seeing Harper daily, Crockett began to feel like he would forget her.

“Sarah, I need to see her.”

“I can’t do that, you know how unsafe it can be to take you off such a high dosage. I know you are upset but we can talk through this, okay?”

“No!” he was getting frustrated, even though he hated to yell at Sarah. She didn’t understand how important this was. He didn’t care if she was dead and she claimed the delusions weren’t real, he just wanted his daughter back. Even if it wasn’t the proper reality, maybe Crockett didn’t want to live in one without Harper. He told Sarah that much, upset that she would claim that she isn’t there anymore. She is always there; sitting on his bed and playing with her stuffed bunny, singing songs from those Disney shows she adored so much. Crockett saw her, held her close when the bad feelings returned and he felt like he was drowning. His baby would never leave him, she couldn't; Harper was all he had left.

“Hey,” Sarah spoke quickly when she recognized his agitation, “I’m sorry. Tell Harper I didn’t mean any harm, next time she’s around, okay? Can we start over, please?”

He frowned, knowing what she was doing, but nodded all the same. He didn’t want to fight with Sarah, she was one of the only staff members around here that he properly trusted. She didn’t want to upset him and she didn’t want to take his daughter away, it was just hard to recognize that sometimes. She wanted to help, to understand his mind, and maybe it was time for Crockett to let someone in again. It had been far too long.

“Start from the beginning,” she prompted as he slowly relaxed again, “How long ago did this low start?”

[particularemu]

Insanity | A Hwang Hyunjin Series | Part 3

Part: [Prologue] [Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10] [Part 11] [Part 12] [Part 13] [Part 14] [Part 15] [Epilogue]

Word Count: 5265

Type: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: mentions murder, suicide, self-harm, drugs, being drugged, weapons (kinda), depression, anxiety, manic episodes, 

Tag List: @alightiny​

Author’s Note: Shit is about to hit the fan!!! Stay tuned fam :3 

As usual, if y’all want to be added to the tag list, please shoot me a message 💖

“What are you two doing?” 

Your head snapped to the door, shoulders relaxing instantly when you saw Chan’s smiling face. His dimples popped out, making you smile as you greeted the brunette. “Hey, Chan.” 

“You look like you’re having fun.” Chan kneeled next to you and Hyunjin, offering his hand to the boy. Hyunjin shook Chan’s hand, smiling when he introduced himself. “I’m the one who takes over the night-shift.” The man chuckled. “Dr. Bang, but I hate the way that sounds so please call me Chan.” 

Hyunjin couldn’t help but snicker at the older boy as he stood up. “Nice to meet you, Dr. Bang. How many jokes did you hear your first week?” 

“Please. I’m still hearing them.” Chan laughed. “Well, if you’re ready to head home, go ahead. I’ll take over. If you want to stay, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind your company.” 

Hyunjin paused, wondering what he should do. The next hour or two could be a HUGE opportunity to bond with you. If he could build a solid foundation of trust, Hyunjin might be able to dig into that brain of yours and figure out why you’re suffering from retrograde amnesia. It was clear that he gained your trust over the past hour. He was having fun chatting with you about this and that — and well… hearing you compliment him wasn’t half bad either. 

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about Chan. The man seemed trustworthy, but so did Dr. Henry when Hyunjin first met the man. Who’s to say that Chan isn’t going to get upset and beat you down? He was quite muscular. You wouldn’t stand a chance against him. Despite Hyunjin’s concern, he could see you trusted Chan, and in the end, that’s all that mattered. 

Pure exhaustion took over and Hyunjin decided that yes… yes he did need to go back to the dorms and get some sleep. After all the fucked up things he’s seen today, he just wanted to plop in bed and sleep for a good twelve hours. “I think I’ll head home.” Hyunjin sighed and leaned forward, whispering in Chan’s ear while you were making your bed. “She witnessed a suicide today, so watch out for nightmares.” 

Chan chuckled a bit. “You must care about her a lot.” 

“Hmm?” Hyunjin cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Of course I care about her. She’s my patient.” 

“Mhm.” Chan looked unconvinced. “Sure.” He wiggled his eyebrows up and down, making the younger boy flush bright red. 

“Not what you think.” Hyunjin rubbed his cheeks to disguise the redness. “I’m going home. Goodnight.” Hyunjin turned to you and smiled brightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” 

You smiled and waved at Hyunjin. “Thank you. For everything.” 

Hyunjin kneeled down to your level and ruffled your hair. “We’ll figure this out. I know we will. Sleep well.” Hyunjin stood up and headed out the door, smiling when he saw you wave goodbye. 

As soon as the door closed behind him, Hyunjin smacked his cheeks a couple times, wincing at the sting. “I gotta get my shit together.” Hyunjin leaned his head back against the wall, shaking his head to rid himself of the images of blood, death, and deceit. The boy slowly sunk down the wall, threading his fingers in his hair as he tried to pull himself together. 

He couldn’t cry. Not here. Not now. 

The institution reminded him of something from a horror movie — one of the ones where everyone dies in the end. Hyunjin couldn’t help but curse himself for taking this job. During his first day, he’s dealt with an abusive doctor, creepy caretakers, an asshole boss, and he witnessed a man slice his own throat open with a shard of glass. 

And then there was you… 

You were like a bright ray of sunshine cutting through the cracks beneath the rubble of this institution. Behind all that anxiety — all that panic — was just a girl who was terrified of what lurked behind the walls. Hyunjin vowed to help you get out of Rosewood, and he was planning to follow through. 

Hyunjin sighed and stood up, hoping no one saw him have a small meltdown. The amount of tension he was carrying in his shoulders was borderline painful. Hyunjin stretched his arms, hoping to ease the ache as he left the institution, pausing to wave at the kind-looking receptionist. 

Hyunjin took a deep breath, eyes scanning the landscape around the institution. Perhaps he should start taking night walks? Rosewood looked even more beautiful at night. The rolling hills looked as though they jumped right out of a painting, the lush green grass illuminated by the moonlight. As he walked to the staff building with his hands in his pockets, he couldn’t help but think about you once more. 

From what he’s heard over the past few hours, you were a horrible patient who constantly had anxiety attacks, meltdowns, and violent episodes. Many people told him you were on the brink of insanity. Based on your actions today, Hyunjin couldn’t see you putting up a fight with anyone. If you were, you probably had a good reason to. Hyunjin couldn’t shake the memories of Dr. Henry throwing you across the room. Your body would be clad with bruises in the morning. Too bad Dr. Douglas wouldn’t listen. 

Hyunjin pushed on the door to the staff building, pausing when he spotted Minho slumped over by his room, head held in his hands. What’s he doing here? Minho looked defeated. Hyunjin could practically see the memories playing over and over again in the older boy’s head — a shitty slideshow telling him how he fucked up a man’s second chance at life. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin gently rested his hand on the older boy’s shoulder, noticing the way Minho relaxed under his touch. When was the last time this man had someone on his side? “Why don’t you come in?” Hyunjin smiled sadly at Minho when he raised his head, dead eyes meeting Hyunjin’s lively brown orbs. Minho nodded and pushed his tired body off the ground, smiling ever-so-slightly as Hyunjin helped him stand. 

“Sorry.” Minho’s voice was so quiet, Hyunjin wondered if he was hearing things correctly. His shoes scuffed against the floor as Minho trudged over to Hyunjin’s freshly made bed. “Today…” Minho paused, wracking his brain for the right words. “Can I…” He trailed off once more. 

“Of course.” Hyunjin didn’t need to hear the rest of the sentence to know what Minho was going to ask. He couldn’t forget the look on Minho’s face — eyes full of grief as the needle fell from his hands. Minho lost the patient he’s been taking care of for three years. It had to be tough. 

Besides… Hyunjin would rather Minho stay the night. He could use the company.

Minho plopped on Hyunjin’s bed, messing up the sheets as he scooted up to the headboard, hugging his knees to his chest. Brunette locks fell down his face, masking his glassy eyes. 

Hyunjin felt for the older boy. He’s never witnessed a suicide before. Hyunjin couldn’t imagine watching you commit suicide — and he’s only known you a day. 

“I met with Dr. Douglas.” Minho’s voice was small, voice barely above a whisper. 

“You’re not in trouble right?” Hyunjin frowned. “You tried your best to stop him.” 

“No…” Minho sighed. “They’re removing anything breakable from the patient’s rooms in the morning.” 

“That makes sense.” Hyunjin leaned against the dresser, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’ll prevent any more suicides.” 

“No, it won’t.” Minho scoffed, an empty chuckle slipping past his lips. “You don’t know what people will do to end their lives.” 

“How can they…” Hyunjin trailed off, unsure if he wanted to know. 

“I’ve seen a man run headfirst into the wall until he knocked himself out.” Minho clenched his eyes shut. “I’ve also seen someone stab themselves in the eye with a needle because they thought it would be long enough to kill them.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes widened. “Are they still alive?”

“No.” Minho took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions. “They always find a way, Hyunjin.” Minho shook his head. “Anyways, your girl has a glass music box from her mother. It’ll crush her when they confiscate it.” 

“What?” Hyunjin sat down next to Minho. “I thought she didn’t remember anything from her past. How does she know it’s from her mother?” 

“She doesn’t,” Minho mumbled. “Her mother knew she was here before…” Minho trailed off. 

“Knew?” Hyunjin’s heart dropped. “Oh no…” 

“Her mother died three months ago when I took over her care.” Minho chuckled. “That glass music box is her inheritance.” 

“She doesn’t know?” Hyunjin couldn’t blame Minho for keeping it from you. Telling you heartbreaking information like that when you’re recovering could set you back. The last thing the doctors wanted was another patient losing their mind. 

“She wasn’t doing well.” Minho sighed. “At all. I thought telling her would make things worse.” The poor boy felt horrible for keeping this from you for so long, but he didn’t know if you would have a breakdown. “She was constantly in and out of solitary confinement, she was having multiple electroconvulsive therapy sessions a day, and she was trying to attack me with a lamp every time I walked into her room.” 

What? Multiple electroconvulsive therapy sessions in one day? That’s complete bullshit! Hyunjin’s mouth dropped open as he tried to process the information given to him. You were suffering from retrograde amnesia. This confirms his theory that the electroconvulsive therapy sessions were making your memory loss worse. Minho’s deep sigh shook Hyunjin out of his thoughts. 

“Hey.” Hyunjin rested his hand on Minho’s shoulder. “You made the right call. Do you know about her father?” Hyunjin figured that changing the subject would help. 

“We have no idea. We’ve never heard of a father, so we figured she grew up in a single-parent household.” Minho took a deep breath. “She’s about to lose the only thing that reminds her of her family. She’s going to be crushed.”

Hyunjin thought about it for a second. He was right. You had one little music box to remember your mother by. There’s no way in hell he was going to let you lose it. “Not if I have anything to do with it.” Hyunjin reached into the dresser and threw on a hoodie, rushing out the door before Minho could do anything about it. 

“Dumbass.” Minho chuckled and laid under the covers, drifting off almost instantly. 

Hyunjin rushed over to the institution and headed straight for your room. As soon as he opened the door, he could see the beautiful glass music box resting on the windowsill. The glass sparkled in the moonlight. He could see why you were so attached to it. The colorful glass was a nice contrast — compared to the dark, prison-like room you were forced to live in. The patients weren’t allowed to have pictures on the wall, the room was painted white, and the pitch-black sky didn’t help the eerie-looking room. No wonder you were depressed. 

Little did Hyunjin know, eyes were watching his every move as he opened the door. 

Hyunjin smiled when Chan waved at him from the desk in the corner of the room. “Forget something?”

Wait… Could he trust Chan? Despite his encounter with the older boy an hour ago, Hyunjin couldn’t shake that feeling of paranoia. Hyunjin knew he was being unreasonable, but he really only trusted Minho. Minho was the one who warned him about this place. Chan? Chan was continuing his work as if nothing was out of place at the institution. Hyunjin didn’t know if he should trust someone like that. 

“Dr. Douglas needs you quick!” Hyunjin gestured to the door. “It sounds like an emergency!” 

“Oh damn. Okay!” Chan closed his laptop and rushed out the door, pausing to say “Thanks!”

Great! Now that he’s gone, Hyunjin could grab the music box without you knowing. Hyunjin couldn’t help but smile as he saw your sleeping face. You looked unbothered by the world — as if you hadn’t been living in a horrible institution for the past few months. 

Hyunjin reached out to the music box on the window sill, eyes sparkling as the colors shimmered in the moonlight. 

“Why are you taking my music box?” Your small voice made Hyunjin’s heart drop. “That’s all I have.” 

Hyunjin’s heart completely shattered when he looked over, noticing the pure betrayal in your glassy eyes. He worked so hard to build trust with you over the past 12 hours, he couldn’t lose it now. “Oh, I wasn’t.” Hyunjin smiled brightly. “I just thought it was pretty.” Hyunjin sat at the edge of your bed, brushing some hair behind your ear as you yawned. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to touch it. I just wanted to hear the song.” 

“It’s fine.” You mumbled and rubbed your eyes. “You can open it.” 

Hyunjin reached over, grabbing the music box off the windowsill, holding the fragile box in his hands. He gently opened the lid, closing his eyes to listen to the beautiful melody that began to play. Hyunjin felt your head drop onto his shoulder, sending his heart into a frenzy as he leaned his head onto yours. 

“My mother gave this to me.” You smiled as you looked up at Hyunjin, noticing how beautiful his milky skin looked in the moonlight. 

“Yeah?” Hyunjin smiled. “Your mother has good taste.” 

“She used to sing this song to me when I was a kid.” Your face fell. “She hasn’t come to visit me yet.” Hyunjin’s heart broke when your eyes started to glassy. “She sent me letters saying she’ll come. Why hasn’t she come Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin’s face paled as he said, “I don’t know sweetheart. She’s probably sick. The institution won’t let sick people in the building because they don’t want any of the patients to get sick.” 

Did you buy it?

“Oh that makes sense.” You smiled at Hyunjin. “I can’t wait for you to meet her. She’s a wonderful person.” 

Cute...

Wait, what?

Hyunjin’s eyes widened when he realized what just happened. Okay, so he thought you were cute. That’s not a bad thing, right? It’s not like he wanted to take you out to the gardens for a picnic and oh my god that’s exactly what he wants to do. 

Hyunjin’s cheeks flushed. He was doing it again. He was falling way too hard way too fast for someone he barely knows. 

“I came to check up on you after today. Are you doing okay?” Hyunjin chose to ignore his feelings and change the subject before he ends up telling you how he feels. 

“I guess.” Despite being really tired, you were still happy to see the ebony-haired boy. “I’m tired though.” 

“That’s fine.” Hyunjin smiled. “Go ahead and go back to sleep. I’m going to head home.” 

“Be safe.” You laid back down in bed, almost instantly falling asleep. 

As he left the room, Hyunjin couldn’t shake the disappointed look in your eyes. He missed his opportunity to take the music box, despite the damn thing being right in his hands. Hyunjin felt like he couldn’t take it now. You’d never trust him again. Who knows what would happen if he told you about the new rule in the institution? Hyunjin was convinced that you wouldn’t believe him. It is the first day after all. 

“Hyunjin!”

Oh, Christ what now?

Hyunjin sighed as he turned around, spotting Dr. Douglas in front of him. “Hello, sir.” As much as he wanted to throw a fit and call him names, Hyunjin knew he had to play nice for now. 

“Minho informed me about the incident in room 304.” Dr. Douglas frowned. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I appreciate what you did in there.” 

“No worries.” Hyunjin smiled. “I didn’t do much. It was all Minho.”

Dr. Douglas smiled nervously, hand rubbing the back of his neck as he said, “Look, son —” 

“I’m not your son.” Hyunjin’s eyes hardened as he waited for the older man to continue. 

Dr. Douglas sighed, arms crossing over his chest in frustration. “I’m trying to be friends here.” 

“Pardon my confusion, but I’ve never worked in a place with a friendly boss.” Hyunjin smiled an innocent look in his eyes — almost enough to fool the man in front of him. 

“You don’t have to like me, but you have to do your job.” Dr. Douglass glared. 

“I plan to.” 

Dr. Douglas rolled his eyes. “Did Miss _____ get her medicine today?”

Hyunjin’s heart dropped in his stomach. “Of course.” 

A long, unnerving silence followed — one that made Hyunjin’s blood run cold. Did he know? If Dr. Douglas found out about Hyunjin hiding the pills, he’d surely lose his job. Getting fired the first day on the job wouldn’t look good for his resume. 

“And how was she?” Dr. Douglas stared at him. 

Hyunjin swallowed the lump in his throat, forcing the sentence out of his throat. “She was fine. A little nervous, but that’s to be expected.” 

Dr. Douglas seemed to accept this explanation. “See? All her medications are working for her. There’s nothing to worry about.”  

“Of course sir.” Hyunjin smiled. “I apologize for my behavior earlier. I just wasn’t aware of Peroproxin, and I realize that Dr. Henry was merely doing his job.” 

“That’s quite alright son.” 

Hyunjin’s eye twitched at his designated nickname. “I have a quick question.” 

“Of course son.” Dr. Douglas smiled. 

“Not your son — umm. Could I look at the ingredients that are used in Peroproxin? I’m just curious because I’ve never heard of that medication. I’m curious to see what it contains.” Hyunjin figured he’d play dumb. Maybe he could get his hands on one of the bottles and see what’s actually in the medication? 

“Sorry, Hyunjin. It’s late and I’m headed home.” Dr. Douglas sighed. “I’m glad we hired you. You seem to be doing a great job.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Hyunjin yawned dramatically. “I’m pretty beat. I’ll head home too.” 

“Goodnight son.” 

Hyunjin rolled his eyes after Dr. Douglas walked off. That asshole was just trying to piss him off. After sighing like a passive-aggressive child, Hyunjin made his way to the lobby, pausing when he passed by your door. 

Maybe Chan could help him out? 

Even though he didn’t quite trust the man yet, Chan was his last chance. If Hyunjin had to sacrifice his career to help you, so be it. Hyunjin slowly opened the door and smiled at Chan. 

“Everything okay?” Chan turned towards Hyunjin, brows creasing when he saw the boy’s shoulders slump. “Because I recall being told I was needed in Dr. Douglas’s office, and he wasn’t there.” The older boy raised an eyebrow at Hyunjin. “If you needed a moment alone with your girlfriend, all you had to do was ask.” 

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Hyunjin crossed his arms over his chest. “I just…” 

“Don’t worry.” Chan chuckled. “You don’t have to explain. I understand how hard it is to trust people in this place.” He smiled. “So, what can I help you with?”

Hyunjin strolled over to Chan, leaning down to whisper in his ear. “I need to get my hands on a bottle of Peroproxin.”  

“Hyunjin I can’t help you with that.” Chan sighed. “We’re doctors, not pharmacists.” 

“Yes, but we have the ability to prescribe. We should be allowed to look at the medication we’re prescribing these patients.” Hyunjin was frustrated. This didn’t make any sense. 

“We’re not allowed to change prescriptions in this institution. Dr. Douglas handles all of that.” Chan’s brows creased.

“But —” 

“Hyunjin. Let it go.” Chan’s stern voice startled the boy. “There are eyes and ears everywhere. You need to be careful.” 

What?

“I know this looks like I’m just being a brat, but I need this Chan.” Hyunjin’s eyes glassed over. “I need to figure this out for her. I can’t just watch her suffer.” 

Chan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Down the hall, to the left. There’s a big ass room filled with bottles of pills. Peroproxin is on the second shelf from the top — you’ll be able to reach it.” He paused. “Look for bottle 258B. That’s what she’s prescribed. If you’re caught and my name gets dragged into this, I’m going to find you and kick your ass.” Chan looked up at Hyunjin and chuckled. “Rosewood Psychiatric Institution will be the least of your worries.” 

“Thank you!” Hyunjin hugged the man, catching Chan off guard. He just threatened Hyunjin, and now the boy is hugging him? Well, worst things could happen. 

“Hurry up before the guards start to take their rounds seriously.” Chan shooed Hyunjin off, hoping the boy wouldn’t be seen. 

Hyunjin rushed off to the medicine, smiling when he spotted the big ass room Chan described. That’s it! Now all he has to do is —

“What are you doing up sir?”

Hyunjin spun around, head spinning as he met face to face with Dr. Henry. “Please, just call me Hyunjin.” Hyunjin smiled. “I was looking for the bathroom on this floor and I got lost.” Hyunjin chuckled. “Can you please tell me where it is?”

“I was told your shift ended two hours ago.” Dr. Henry smirked. “Why are you here still?”

Hyunjin paled. How was he going to talk his way out of this one?

“I asked him here.” A short man stepped out from the shadows. “I just wanted to confirm what he saw in room 304.” 

Dr. Henry frowned. “Alright then. I assume Changbin can help you with your little…” Dr. Henry leaned forward, breath ghosting near Hyunjin’s ear. “Problem.” The man chuckled darkly before walking away. 

“Okay, that gave me the jeebies.” Hyunjin shivered, wiping his ear with his hand. 

“I don’t blame you.” The short man — Changbin chuckled. 

“Thanks for saving my ass.” Hyunjin smiled. 

“Don’t mention it.” Changbin smiled. “I’m a friend of Minho’s. He’s told me a lot about you.” 

“Wow…” Hyunjin laughed. “Day one and I’m already making a name for myself.” 

“You aren’t like other caretakers.” He chuckled. “What are you after?”

“Medicine,” Hyunjin replied. “I’m looking for Peroproxin.” 

“I can’t help you there.” Changbin chuckled. “I’m the head of security, so I typically handle crazy patients.” 

“So you’re the one who makes sure they get beat into submission?” Hyunjin scanned the various shelves in the medicine room, spotting the bottle he was after. 

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about?” Hyunjin’s chest tightened when he saw the genuine confusion on Changbin’s face. “I don’t beat anyone. I’m just the muscle that kicks unruly visitors out of the institution.” 

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin apologized. “I’ve seen some disturbing things over the past 12 hours and I’m starting to get paranoid.” 

“That isn’t a bad thing.” Changbin sighed. “You have your medicine. Now get out of here so I can erase the footage of you stealing.” 

Hyunjin’s eyes widened at Changbin’s words. “Thank you.” He paused, resting his hand on Changbin’s shoulder. “Seriously… Thank you.” 

“Yeah yeah.” Changbin sighed. “Get out of here.” Hyunjin thanked him once more before darting out of the institution — heading back to his dorm room. 

The ebony-haired man yawned as he opened the door to his room, smiling softly when he spotted Minho passed out in his bed. At least the boy was able to get some sleep. Hyunijn brushed some bangs out of Minho’s eyes, noticing the way the boy’s nose scrunched in his sleep. 

Hyunjin has always had a nurturing touch. He’s been taking care of his mother since he was a young boy. His mother suffered from a few different mental disorders, and after his father committed suicide, she completely stopped taking care of herself. So at five years old Hyunjin started taking care of his mother. He cooked her meals, made sure she took her medicine, and he kept her company until she was well enough to take care of herself. 

This stuck with him over the years. Hyunjin always wanted to please — to make sure that people were taken care of. 

Unfortunately, much like his mother, his emotions were like glass. Hyunjin always fell too deep too fast when it came to love. After a few bad breakups, he decided that romance just wasn’t in the cards for him. 

Well… That was until he met you. 

Seeing someone with such a pure heart being mistreated, hit something deep within him. He couldn’t help but admire your courage. Every day you woke up, putting your trust in these corrupt doctors, in hopes that your memories will return. 

Speaking of missing memories…

Hyunjin pulled out the bottle of Peroproxin — spying the list of ingredients in the back. What on earth were those? Hyunjin gasped when he realized that he had no idea what any of these ingredients were. How could a doctor prescribe a drug like this to his patients without knowing what’s in it? 

Hyunjin pulled out his laptop, opening the browser and searching the ingredients one by one. Nothing popped up. Hyunjin sighed and rubbed his eyes. His vision started to blur as exhaustion took over, knocking the boy out cold on the floor. 

--------

“Wake up sleeping beauty.” Hyunjin smiled at you as you slowly sat up from the bed. 

“What time is it?” You mumbled, rubbing your eyes. 

“Time to get up.” He chuckled and sat next to you on the bed. “I’m just popping in to ask you a question.” 

Hyunjin flipped shifts with Chan every-so-often. He must be working the night shift today. 

Over the past few weeks, you and Hyunjin were like two peas in a pod. After your music box was taken, you had a few meltdowns, but Hyunjin was able to help you through all of them. He always took care of you — no matter how bad things got. 

“Here’s your dose of Prozac.” Hyunjin handed you a pill and you took it, washing the pill down with some water. 

“Are you allowed to do this?” You loved taking this medication, but you were worried about Hyunjin. The last thing you wanted was to see Hyunjin lose his job because of you. The boy worked so hard to become a doctor. One bad experience could wreck his chances at getting another job. 

“No, not at all.” Hyunjin chuckled. “Minho handles a lot of the medication these days, so he’s been adjusting the count for me.” He smiled at you. “Minho hates this place as much as we do. Don’t worry.” 

“Thank you.” You held Hyunjin’s hand, making the boy’s cheeks flush a bit. “I appreciate all you do for me.” 

“I’d do it for anyone,” Hyunjin replied. 

Oh…

Well, that hurts a little. 

“Well, thanks anyways.” You visibly sulked, but Hyunjin didn’t notice. “What did you want to ask me?”

“Oh yeah!” Hyunjin beamed. “Chocolate or vanilla?”

“What?” You tilted your head in confusion. 

Cute… 

“What’s your favorite?” Hyunjin smiled brightly. “It’s your birthday tomorrow and I have a surprise for you.” 

“Chocolate I guess.” You smiled. “You don’t have to do anything.” 

“I want to. You have a special place in my heart.” 

Oh my god there it was. 

You couldn’t stop the blush spreading on your cheeks as you grinned. That means he likes you right? Well, like as a friend but what if… What if he liked you as more than a friend?

“All of my patients have a special place in my heart.” Hyunjin smiled. 

You couldn’t help but sigh. Or perhaps you’re just another patient to him… 

“Hey, I have to go get something to eat, but I’ll see you in an hour for my shift!” Hyunjin quickly left the room, leaving you excited for his shift, yet confused about your feelings for the boy. 

You trusted him. 

You trusted him with your life but… that wasn’t the main reason you loved him. It wasn’t because of his beauty — nor was it because of his kindness. You were entranced by his every move. Every word that left his lips was interesting to you. You loved everything about him. 

But clearly, he didn’t see you as anything other than a patient — which is to be expected from a guy who has lived his life with his nose in a book. 

You couldn’t help but sigh, boredom taking over as you tried to figure out what you should do. Hyunjin gave you a book to read a few weeks ago. You should probably finish that so you could stay up tonight and chat with him about the book. You pulled the worn-out book from your shelf and started to read. 

Chan left earlier to help Minho with something important, and you told him you’d be fine until Hyunjin came in for his night shift. You weren’t used to being on your own, and you missed the company. Hyunjin always chatted with you about many different things. You told him stories you’ve never shared with anyone before… at least you think. Your memory wasn’t the best. 

Footsteps tore your attention from the pages. Did Hyunjin forget something? Chan said he’d be gone the rest of the night, so you didn’t think that he’d be back so soon. You turned around to see a new face — someone you weren’t familiar with. He was in a uniform, so you figured he must work at Rosewood. “Where’s Chan?”

“Chan told me to look after you until your other doctor comes.” The man answered, eyes avoiding your gaze as he scanned the room. 

What was he looking for?

The energy in the room completely shifted. Instead of being calm, you felt nervous and afraid. You wanted Hyunjin back. You were scared. If Chan actually sent this man, wouldn’t he know that your other doctor was Hyunjin? Did this man actually work here?

The man lunged for you, catching you off guard as you fell out of the chair. A sharp pain in the side of your neck made you cry out in pain, hand smacking at the man as the tip of the needle pierced your skin. What was he giving you? Was he sedating you? You didn’t do anything wrong?

“Hyunjin!” You cried out, but your voice sounded off. The room went blurry as you slumped to the ground, unable to support your body with your weak arms. 

Another man walked into the room as you tried to lift yourself up. You were too dizzy to do anything other than sit up on the floor, but you were kicked down as soon as you saw a large body dropped beside you. You tried to scream, but you couldn’t. It was as if you were paralyzed. One of the men positioned your body so you were laying right next to the dead body. You could see red seep onto the floor as the man from earlier stabbed it multiple times with something. The pieces clicked together all at once. He was trying to frame you for murder. 

Where was Hyunjin?

The man left the room, leaving you scared and shaking on the floor. Your consciousness cut in and out for a while. You could feel the blood reach your fingertips, staining the skin red. You couldn’t remember much of what happened, but you remembered one thing when you regained consciousness. 

Your heart shattered when your eyes met Hyunjin’s — fear evident in his big brown eyes. 

“What did you do?”

[n8thegr8]

My Avengers Academy Chapter 3: Parasites

“Peter, honey, you’re not eating your ice cream.”

Peter looked at the delicious treat that was laid out in front of him. He glanced at his Auntie May, who had a face scorned with concern and sorrow.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Auntie.” Peter then slowly started to pick at his treat. It was a gloomy summer day. It was overcast and the man on the tv said it was going to rain that day. He was in an ice cream parlor. It had a certain classic feel to it. Sitting across the booth was his auntie and uncle, which both looked so sad. Peter had his head hung low, but it was up enough for him to bring the spoon to his mouth.

“Hey, kiddo, why don’t we watch Aladdin when we get back home, huh?” Uncle Ben said in an attempt to liven up the mood.

Peter began to play with his treat. “No, it’s okay.” His spoon kept moving the ice cream in circles. An endless loop until he decided to put a stop to it. He’d just been to the doctor. It was his yearly check-up. It was supposed to be a good day. His fifth birthday was only two days ago, and that was a good day. Today was supposed to be a good day. However, something ruined it. Droplets of salty tears started to form in Peter’s eyes. Why was he like this? Was he cursed? Why did it seem like the universe was out to get him? Did he do something wrong? His vision began to blur from the heavy flow of tears and his nose clogged up with mucus.

“Auntie May? Uncle Ben?” he choked. He slowly lifted his head, he couldn’t bear the shame he felt within him. He tried to look them in the eyes but he couldn’t, he just couldn’t. “Why am I quirkless?” he sobbed. “Why am I quirk-“

“-less?” Peter felt a rush of adrenaline shoot through his body and he quickly sat up from his lying position. He found himself in an unfamiliar location. Everything was sterile and white. The bed he was lying in felt rough, but still gave some sense of comfort. His head was throbbing in pain. He put his hand on his forehead. “Am... am I dead?” he muttered.

“If you were, then I’ve been doing a crappy job.”

The voice startled Peter out of his daze. He looked to his left to see a woman he’d never seen before. She was dressed in a white long coat, glasses, and a little badge that read: “Claire Temple, Doctor”. She was writing on her clipboard. “Mornin’ sleepyhead.”

“Umm…”

The doctor looked up from her clipboard. “What?”

“Wh-who are you?” Peter blinked.

“Claire Temple, resident Doctor at the Avengers Academy Hospital Ward,” she stated matter-of-factly.

What, I’m in the hospital?!

“You went into a syncopal episode, fell and hit your head on the ground, no bleeding though, so that’s great. We took a blood test and everything seems norm-“

“Woah woah woah, back up.” Peter waved his hands. “I fainted?!”

The doctor cocked an eyebrow. “I’m surprised you know what syncope means,” she commented, “But yes, you fainted. Specifically from a spider bite.” She gestured to Peter’s right hand. 

Peter gasped as he looked at the back of his right hand. There were two small teeth marks and a giant bump. He almost fainted again.

“I… I’m not…”

“No, miraculously there wasn’t any poison delivered. Your blood came back perfectly normal.”

Oh, thank God… Peter sighed and hung his head. His memory was still covered in a deep dark fog. He held his head and shook it. “Doctor Temple-“

“Just call me Claire.”

Peter was taken aback by this statement. Isn’t the stereotype that doctors want to be called ‘doctor’?

“... Claire. What happened when I was unconscious?”

Claire’s gaze returned to her clipboard. “Your friend screamed for help and got the attention of Dr. Banner. He picked you up and rushed you up here.”

Peter jumped up onto his knees, a sudden burst of energy rushed through him. “I was held by the Hulk?!”

Claire backed up a bit, surprised by the sudden outburst. She readjusted her glasses and gave a light laugh. “You’re quite the hero fanboy aren’t you?”

As it is guaranteed that the sun will rise in the east, Peter’s face turned crimson with embarrassment. “I uh, wanna be one.” He scratched the back of his head.

“So do a lot of kids, but since you're quirkless, it adds more desperation, doesn’t it?”

Peter was taken by surprise by this. She read him so easily. Did she have a quirk? Was her quirk about knowing what a person is like just by looking at them? “That’s so cool! Can I write this down? That’s such a neat concept for a quirk. You could know exactly what’s wrong with a patient and act accordingly! I need to write this do-“

“Oh, by the way, your uncle’s on the way to pick you up.”

Claire’s words were a giant hammer to Peter’s wall of muttering. 

“Also, I don’t have a quirk,” she added.

Peter started to sweat bullets. His heart started to pound like a jackhammer, and his body started to shake faster than Pietro when he tried to convince him that he could phase through solid objects. “Uncle Ben’s coming here?! B-but he’s supposed to be at work!” he sputtered. “J-just let me go home! He doesn’t have to pick me up…”

Claire sighed and rubbed her temples. “Yes, yes he does. Under federal law, a minor, you, cannot be discharged from the hospital, here,” she said as she circled her arm around the room while pointing. “Unless a parent or guardian, your uncle, signs a legally binding paper that states that you have been discharged from said hospital.”

Peter shook his head in desperation. “No no no no you don’t understand. Uncle Ben works a nine-to-five job, it’s really strict over there and even though Uncle Ben’s a veteran, they barely let anybody just drop their shifts even for family and and and-”

Suddenly Peter heard a vibration coming from a corner of the room, where the cabinet for patient belongings was stored. He then got out of his bed. His legs wobbled beneath him. It had been a while since he walked.

“Oh, you can walk, that’s good,” Claire added while writing on her clipboard.

Peter opened up the cabinet and saw all of his clothes folded neatly, and his phone and glasses laid on top of the pile. He snatched them both and turned the phone on immediately.

“I can see your ass, by the way, hospital gowns do a crappy job of covering stuff.”

Peter let out a small, “Yipe!” and covered his full moon. “Y-you coulda told me that earlier!”

“Yeah, I could’ve.”

Peter grunted. So that’s why it felt airy in here. Peter walked back to his cot; this is when Peter finally noticed the heavy bags under Claire’s eyes. She must not get a lot of sleep. He hopped into his cot, making sure that he stayed modest as he did, and turned on his screen. He saw a variety of messages:

Wanda Maximoff :P (2:35 PM, 32 messages): Please please message me, I really hope you’re alright.

Pietro Maximoff (2:36 PM): Sis is kind of a stalker amirite?? Message us when you wake up big guy, worried for ya.

Uncle Ben (2:40 PM): Hey son, I’m 5 minutes away, okay? Stay tight, I love you.

After Peter read the message from his Uncle, he wanted to scream out to the heavens. Uncle Ben needed to work; make money so that he can support the family. This can’t happen, it just can’t. He felt breath on his shoulder. He turned his head to his right to see that Claire’s chin was resting on his shoulder, sneaking looks at his phone. He then jerked his phone away and sat on it. “Hey, no peeking!”

Claire pushed herself from the cot and the rolling chair carried her a bit of a way away from the cot. “Your girlfriend’s pretty clingy, you should watch your back.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he snapped. “She’s just my friend.”

A sly grin climbed itself onto Claire’s features. “Uh-huh, sure.”

Eventually Uncle Ben arrived at the hospital ward and Peter was discharged, free to go home. Uncle Ben and Peter had to book it to the car since he put only enough money in the parking meter for twenty minutes. Once in the car, Peter stood silent. A mix of emotions swirled within him like a ravaging hurricane. He was sad, frustrated, angry, and depressed all at once. He didn’t want to talk to Uncle Ben. Peter basically demanded him to drop him off at the subway station so he could get back to work as soon as possible.

Uncle Ben took a look at his nephew. Peter sat on an angle where his whole body was facing away from him. His head was tilted and rested on the window. It despaired him so much to see Peter in such a bad mood. He thought back to when Peter was born. He was so excited for his brother, Richard, and his sister-in-law, Mary. They’d been trying for years to have a child, and when Peter was born, he saw this spark in their eyes. He knew Peter was something special, a boy that could lighten up any room he’s in just by talking about what he loves. Uncle Ben kept his eyes on the road, but he couldn’t help but attempt to get Peter in a better mood.

“Hey, Pete, when I get home tonight, why don’t we watch It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World? I’ll have May make us some chocolate shakes and you can invite Pietro and Wanda over. We can make a whole thing out of it!”

Peter sighed. “No, it’s okay.”

Uncle Ben eyed Peter. He knew something was up. “Son, are you okay? What’s bothering you? Is it the camera? May and I can get you a new one.”

Peter always hated it when he called him “son”. It meant that he was worried about him, and he was trying to connect with him. Even though Uncle Ben couldn’t possibly understand what Peter was feeling. However, he knew he couldn’t hide things from him for long. He always finds out one way or another.

“N-no! Don’t get me a new one, please. It’s just that I… I didn’t want to pull you away from work. The hospital should’ve let me go home,” Peter said in a low sad voice.

“Peter,” Uncle Ben sighed, “You know that I’d do anything for you, right?”

Peter bumped his head against the window. “I told you to stop that,” Uncle Ben scolded.

“Sorry,” Peter mumbled, “I just… I just don’t like taking you away from your responsibilities, I guess.”

“Responsibilities? Peter... my responsibility is you. Providing for you. Raising you. Teaching you. Taking care of you.”

Peter shook his head. “But I pulled you away from work. Don’t you have a responsibility there too? One that’s a lot more important than me...” Peter trailed off. 

Uncle Ben suddenly pulled over to an open space on the side of the road and put the car in park. He drew in a hefty sigh and turned to look at Peter.

“Peter, look at me,” Uncle Ben said. Peter turned his head to see Uncle Ben looking at him dead in the eye. He knew what this meant. He was going to get a speech. 

“Peter, you are my greatest responsibility okay? When May and I took you in, I knew what that meant. I knew that I had to be the best parent, guardian, whatever there is for you. I had to be. I had to do it for Richard and Mary, but most importantly I had to do it for you. Yeah, I have to go to work and yes, doing well at work, going to work, etc. is my responsibility. But you are my greatest responsibility. Making sure that you grow up into a fine young man. Picking you up from crazy situations like these. Protecting you. Also, supporting whatever you want to be. You still wanna be a hero?”

“Yeah...” Peter blushed in embarrassment.

Uncle Ben let out a small chuckle. “That’s a big responsibility to take on, Peter, but I know you can pull it off. You’re a smart kid. With enough gusto, you can do anything. Now, don’t say you’re not important ever again, okay? You’re already my hero, alright?” 

“O-okay Uncle Ben,” Peter stammered, “I love you.”

Uncle Ben smiled and patted Peter on the shoulder. “I love you too. Now let’s get you to the train station okay?”

Uncle Ben then put the car into drive and looked over to his blind spot to see if any cars were coming. Peter went back and laid his head on the window. He could hear the mumblings of his Uncle as there were no decent spots to pull out into the street. He laughed silently at the nonsensical words that were spoken from his Uncle’s mouth. 

“Jeez, finally,” stated Uncle Ben.

Peter then felt the car start to move. Then out of nowhere, a horrible migraine hit Peter like a truck. Time slowed down as he felt this excruciatingly weird tingly feeling running through his head and his body. He felt extreme paranoia and a sense of immediate danger. 

Look out.

“Uncle Ben!”

“What’s wrong?!” Uncle Ben exclaimed, whipping his head around to face Peter.

Without warning, a speeding pick-up truck came rushing past the car, honking its horn as it passed.

“Woah!” exclaimed Uncle Ben, turning his head back towards the road. “I... I didn’t even see him,” Uncle Ben muttered, “Saved us another doctor’s visit. Good eye, kid.” He gave a hearty laugh.

Peter let out a nervous chuckle, “Y-yeah, r-right...” Peter was sitting stiff as a board at this point. That’s the thing though; Peter never saw the truck coming. He just felt this overwhelming feeling of danger and decided to act on it. What the hell was that? was his thought as Uncle Ben finally pulled onto the street and started to drive again. 

The rest of the car ride was blanketed in a kind silence. The talk had been made, love had been reaffirmed, but Peter was struggling inside yet again. If something seemed off, he couldn’t just let it go. Uncle Ben had this trait too. “The Parker Paranoia” he called it. That migraine wasn’t normal. It felt like I was having an aura. 

Uncle Ben dropped Peter off at the train station. When he boarded his train, he pulled out his phone. He wanted to research the phenomena that he had just experienced. Quickly he realized that he never texted Pietro and Wanda and that there were 30 new messages from her. 

“Oh, shit.”

Peter was bummed to find out that his regular stop, the Queens Station, was closed due to the earlier Villain attack by the Sandman. 

Pretty basic name, if I gotta be honest. 

So he had to get off one stop early and huff it the rest on foot.

It took fourteen minutes of apologizing to Wanda, but eventually, he got through to her. Nobody found out about the fight between Flash and Pietro. Peter internally groaned since he could already imagine the amount of bragging from Pietro about how he was totally going to win that fight. Peter shot a text to Wanda saying that he’d gotten off of the train and that he’d see her when he’d get home. As Peter was walking down the sidewalk, he spotted a beautiful lone flower in the middle of a desecrated lot. Police tape withheld entrance to the lot, thick sheets of glass covered the perimeter, and there were two signs: one had the radiation symbol, and the other read “Area Quarantined by Damage Control.” 

This is where the Radioactive Man was arrested last week, he thought.

Villain attacks have become a common occurrence in society ever since the Quirk Boom in the 1960s. It wouldn’t be too unusual for an entire block to be destroyed. There were government programs and agencies such as Damage Control that helped get common people and communities back onto their feet.

Peter reached into his backpack to grab his camera, only to remember the fate of his most sentimental possession. He hung his head in sadness once again and he continued on his way. He didn’t even want to take a picture with his phone. He just didn’t want to do anything at the moment. He was tired, his head ached, his legs felt wobbly, and he just wanted to go home.

As Peter continued walking, his mind flashbacked to that horrible day. The day he found out he was quirkless. He recalled the doctor’s harsh words to him, the tightness in his chest, the pain in his throat from crying so much; he recalled everything. Today was the anniversary. He wanted to wipe away the horrible memory by making new ones at Avengers Academy. However, as his luck would have it, today might just have been the worst day of his life. 

He came across a small tunnel. He stopped and sighed. He lost all of the pictures he took today; the SD card either was smashed or was lost. Why? Why me? Peter has asked this question many times but has never gotten an answer. He just felt like he was the unluckiest boy alive. Tears started to well up in his eyes as they usually did. Peter was always taught that crying was a healthy thing, but other times Aunt May felt like it was a mistake to tell him that. Peter cried so much that Pietro sometimes joked that crying was Peter’s secret quirk. Usually, when he’d say that, he’d trip and fall on his face courtesy of Wanda’s Hex. 

His chest started to tighten as the intense emotion of sadness filled him like water pouring into a cup. His vision blurred with tears. Then, he put his back against the wall of the entrance to the tunnel, knelt, hugged his knees to his chest, hid his face, and cried. I’m so useless. Memories of Flash’s name-calling ran through his mind. Every day he suffered. Whether it was Flash, life, or even himself, Peter’s days were filled with sadness and depression. Sure, there were days where his family and friends would cheer him up, but that could only do so much, and it was all because of his body. His blood. His DNA. It was all because of him. Because of himself, he could never be who he wanted to be. He could never become a hero. He couldn’t fly, he couldn’t punch through walls, shoot lightning from his fingertips, nothing. All he could do was what everyone else could already do, and that made him feel absolutely horrible.

His breath became irregular and he started to hit himself on the head. “I’m so stupid.” He hit the wall behind him, and pain stung his balled-up fist. “Nothing ever goes right.” He pulled his hair. “I’m a damn failure.” He started to scratch his wrists. “Nobody loves me.” He flung his head and bumped the wall behind him. “I want to die!” he screamed. His head then started to throb with pain, and he kept muttering, “I’m so worthless,” over and over again. He cried harder and small sobs and whines escaped his mouth. Even though nobody was around, he didn’t want his pain to be noticeable. Nobody should know that he’s hurting, not his family, not his friends, not his teachers, not his therapist, not God, not anybody. His head started to hurt more and more. His arm hair stood straight up. 

Why can’t I be normal? Why can’t I have a quirk? Why was I born wrong? Why am I curs-

“Excuse me.”

Peter jolted back to his feet when he heard the voice coming deeper from the tunnel. Peter’s eyesight was still blurry from the crying, but he could see the vague figure of a man standing a few meters from him.

“O-oh,” Peter stammered, “I’m sorry about that.” Peter’s head started to hurt even more now, and his legs started to wobble beneath him. What the hell?

“No, child, it’s okay.” The stranger's voice sounded odd to Peter as if it was a corrupted sound file on a computer. “I was just trying to find my way home. Do you know where I am?”

Peter kept wiping his eyes. “Yeah, actually, you’re in Queens.” A chill ran up and down Peter’s spine. 

What’s happening? 

The stranger let out a small laugh. “Good, good, and what time is it?”

Peter looked down at his phone. “It’s 3:23 PM, sir.” A small voice yelled in Peter’s head. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN.

“How excellent!” the stranger exclaimed, “Everyone’s still at work now, yes?” 

Peter still couldn’t see the stranger. His eyes were no longer blurry, but he was still shrouded in the darkness of the tunnel. A foul stench caught the attention of Peter’s nose. “Jeez!” He then held his nose. “Um, yeah they still should be.” 

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN, the voice kept screaming. His eyes widened as he remembered this feeling. This feeling of paranoia. Of imminent danger. The feeling that he was going to die. Peter took a step back and lengthened the distance between him and the stranger. “Well, sir, I hope you find your way home. Have a good day.” 

He turned around and started to walk. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN DANGER DANGER DANGER DANGER. His leg was snagged by something mid-step and Peter fell to the ground. “What the..?” He looked to his leg and his heart jumped into his throat when he saw it being held by a red tendril. “Oh no.” Peter’s gaze followed the tendril back to the tunnel, and, more horrifyingly, back to the stranger.

The stranger began to speak once more. “Oh, don’t go! We haven’t even learned each other’s names yet!” The voice transformed into something much more demonic with each passing word.

Peter felt himself slowly starting to slide across the old tough concrete ground towards the stranger. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RU-

“I’ll start!” The stranger’s face became much clearer, however, one would be mistaken if you could even call it a face. It had no eyes, but it had giant white angular white splotches where eyes should be. It did have a mouth. It looked familiar to Peter, and that made him realize who currently had him in its grasp. It was jagged, and the teeth were long and black. It was a symbiote’s mouth. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN.

“My name is Carnage, and we’re going to be best friends!” The creature cackled a hellish laugh. Peter grasped at the ground around him to try to get away, but it was in vain. More tendrils came from Carnage, wrapped around his throat, arms, and remaining leg, and pulled him into the darkness of the tunnel.

Peter’s screams for help were cut off from another tendril wrapping itself around Peter’s mouth. Carnage put its long finger up to its mouth and gave a chilling hush. “We can’t have you ruining our playdate, human. You gotta help me, best friend.” Peter was brought closer to the monster and his entire body violently shook. Everything in his body told him to run, to get out of there, but he couldn’t break free. “You see, I’m playing Cops and Robbers with another friend! I’m the robber and I need to hide. Best friend, I need to hide in your body.”

No no no no no no no, this can’t be happening.

“I’m also…” Carnage’s tongue escaped its mouth and traced Peter’s face. Its saliva felt hot and slightly stung Peter’s skin. Peter tried to let out a scream, a cry for help, anything, but he couldn't. “Extremely hungry. My friend started to play with me in the middle of my dinner,” the red demon cackled, “And you, best friend, are the perfect replacement for my dinner.” 

A giant tendril shot out of Carnage’s body, forced its way into Peter’s mouth, and slithered its way into his body. Peter’s whole body was on fire, he was in so much pain, and his head wouldn’t stop hurting. 

Am I dying? Is this it?

“Thank you, best friend. You’re a real hero.”

Peter’s life flashed before his eyes, his first memory, his birthdays, meeting Flash and Wanda, watching movies with Uncle Ben and Aunt May, the day he found out he was quirkless, the day that Flash beat him up for the first time, his Aunt and Uncle hugging him and crying because of something he said, every memory started to get sadder and sadder. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to die. Not like this. I need to be a hero. Peter looked at his hero notebook which laid upon the ground. It was opened at Iron Man’s page. 

Someone! Please! Save me!

Peter’s vision started to fade. There was no light to go to; there was only the encroaching darkness that consumed everything. During what he thought were his final moments, he heard a loud clanging noise to his right. He heard someone say, “Man, I’m sure glad this suit has filters.” 

He heard another voice screech in terror and say, “No! Not you! Let me have my din-!” Peter felt intense vibrations surround him, and then everything went dark.

Peter’s eyes shot wide open. He looked at his surroundings and realized he was no longer in the tunnel, but he was at the park. He saw Flash standing over a boy he didn’t know, and he was on the ground clutching his stomach. Peter noticed how the boy was in pain and rushed to his side. Peter turned to Flash. He noticed that he had a distinct smile on his face.

Peter called out to him. “Flash, what happened to him?”

Flash only chuckled to himself and shook his head. The boy groaned in pain, and Peter’s attention went back to him.

“Flash, you have to get an adult,” Peter said, “He’s really hurt.” Peter looked at the boy. His skin was pale as a sheet, but his hair was a fiery red. His clothes were expensive-looking, a green vest, a white shirt, and dark pants. His face was bruised and beaten. “It’s okay, we’re gonna get help and-“

“Why are you helping him, Wall-Crawler?”

Peter snapped his head back to Flash, an annoyed look was painted on his face. 

“Look at him. He’s weak.”

Peter’s eyes widened. Why was Flash acting like this? Peter’s gaze was drawn to Flash’s knuckles; they were red. Peter swallowed the lump in his throat. “Flash… did you hurt him?”

Flash only grimaced.

“Flash, answer me. Did you hu-“

“-rt? Hey kid, wake up! You good?”

Peter felt something cold cup his cheek. It felt metallic.

DANGER!

Then, he felt that same cold metallic object smack him across the face.

“Oh shut up, Friday, the Hulk woke me up with an Earth-shattering roar. This kid can handle a love tap to the face.”

F...Friday? Peter could only see darkness since his eyes were still closed. He could hear a voice, but it sounded robotic and static. However, it sounded familiar. He knew that name: Friday. His mind was still clouded by a thick fog. 

“I can’t just leave him here. Just because I purged the Symbiote from him doesn’t mean he’s okay. He’s just a kid.”

I definitely know that voice. Wait… is that-?! Peter interrupted his thought by opening his eyes. However, the light from the afternoon sun blinded him as he threw his hands up to cover his eyes.

“Oh, good, he’s awake.”

Peter heard the sound of heavy footsteps that came from his left. Along with the footsteps, sounds of mechanical whirring and clanging came with it. Peter put down his shielding hands, and his eyes readjusted to the light. On his left stood a man, clad in red and yellow armor. Various blue lights lined the crevices, and a glowing blue triangle adorned the man’s chest. A mask covered the man’s face; the eyes glowed the same blue light as in the crevices and the triangle. Peter’s jaw dropped in utter disbelief. He was in the presence of the most popular hero in the world.

The man clad in red and yellow armor knelt to meet Peter eye to eye. “Hey, you okay, kid?”

Peter’s entire body went numb. His mouth quivered in excitement. The earth stood still, time stopped, and all he could hear was the flow of his blood in his veins. He started spouting incoherent nonsense. “I-I-I-I-“ he stammered. 

The man tilted his helmet in a curious disposition. “You what, kid?”

“Iron Man?!” Peter screamed while pointing at him.

Iron Man then dashed towards Peter and covered his mouth. “Pipe down, kid! Do you know how hard it is to escape rabid fans?!”

Peter's whole body shook as he realized that the real Iron Man was telling him to shut his trap. This is so amazing! Peter slowly nodded his head, and Iron Man then released his grip on his mouth.

This turned out to be a bad idea, however, Peter didn’t start screaming again. Instead, he started to mutter.

“So do you actually have a quirk or not it’s been a debate for years and years and you’ve been really shady when you have to talk about it and that’s fine ‘cuz it’s your own personal life and all but I really really would like to know ‘cuz I have this notebook here see and let me open up to your page and oh wow you actually signed it oh my God oh my God this is amazing I’ll treasure this forever it’ll be hung up in the living room oh wow oh wow you’re so amazing and...“

“Woah, this kid has nothing better to do, does he?” Iron Man mumbled under his breath. Peter’s onslaught of words was getting on Iron Man’s and Friday’s nerves, and Friday didn’t even have nerves to get on. Iron Man needed to stop this before Peter passed out. “Alright, alright, calm down,” he said while waving his hands. “Are you feeling okay? No voices? No sudden urge to consume human flesh?”

Peter flinched when Iron Man suddenly interrupted his airstrike of word vomit. Then, he shook his head. Iron Man then let his arms hang and sighed in relief. “Awesome,” he said as he turned his back on Peter. “Don’t worry about Carnage. He’s secure and sedated in a special compartment in the suit.,” he said lightly tapping his gauntlet on his left hand. Iron Man then turned his head slightly in Peter’s direction. Peter could only see a bit of the mask, specifically the glowing eye and a bit of the face. “You know your way home, kid?” 

Peter only made a small sound in response. 

“Beautiful.”

Peter was at an impasse. There he was, standing behind the most popular hero of all time, and he was told to be quiet. He couldn’t even make a sound anymore. All he could do was look onward. He reached out his hand when Iron Man turned his back. He was leaving him that quick? A signature, a few basic questions, and that was it? No questions about himself? Nothing? Peter didn’t even care that he almost died only minutes ago. He just felt so heavy, as if a rock was tied together by steel and was stuffed in his heart. Was this a hero's life? Was this Iron Man’s true self? Was he wrong about everything?

“Alright, kid.” The distinct sound of exhaust and flames started to emanate from Iron Man. “Go home, okay? Your parents are probably worried sick about ‘ya. Oh, and if you do start feeling particularly cannibal-ly, call the Avengers hotline. We’ll deal with it immediately.” The sound of engines began to intensify and Iron Man was shot into the sky by the rockets built in his boots and palms.

Tony Stark sighed as he began his flight; he didn’t have much time left. He just had to get Carnage to the Raft, charge up there, and get home. He was really taking this one a little too close to the chest by being out so long. Carnage was a crafty bastard and a quick one as well. No wonder why he’d been on the run for more than thirty years. 

“Boss, something’s on your back,” his in-suit AI, Friday, said with the enthusiasm of a secretary on the last thirty minutes of her shift.

This made him panic a bit inside. Was it a villain attack? Now? How did his sensors not pick up this object until it was already on his back?

“Putting up live-feed from the ‘Hulk’s-Hand-in-the-Cookie-Jar’ camera,” Friday stated. 

The live feed showed up on the mask’s UI, and Tony could not believe what he was seeing. It’s that kid! How the hell?! 

“Friday! Get him off my back!” he shouted.

There was a long pause of silence, and even though the suit blocked off all sounds from the outside world, he could faintly hear the screaming of the kid that was clung to his back.

“Are you an idiot, boss? Look where we’re flying over right now.”

Tony’s visor then switched to standby mode, a mode which was used when no action was happening. He then saw that he was high above the streets of Manhattan and realized why dropping a child from this height would be very bad for his public image.

Tony sighed and he looked back at the kid who was still hanging on. He was slightly disturbed by the g-forces at work doing a number on the poor boy’s face and told him specifically to keep his head down. Once he saw the boy follow his order, he held the kid’s head with his left hand and gave it a little pressure to hold it in place. This was a precaution in case the kid was stupid enough to raise his head and let his neck be at the mercy of the laws of physics.

“Boss, power level is currently at 3%. You have to hurry,” Friday stated urgently, “We have to get this kid to safety soon.”

Easier said than done, Tony thought. He couldn’t just drop the kid off at street level. It would take too much power to get back at a respectable altitude and fly the rest of the way. He had to drop him off at a building, but a smaller one though. Suddenly, Tony felt extremely weak. His body started to become extremely stiff, and his breathing started to slow and become labored. 

Shit.

“You know, you didn’t have to do that to him, Flash.”

Flash shot a disapproving glare at his friend, Kenny Kong. He was a bit on the plus side which made him ideal for the school’s football team. He did well enough in school to qualify for sports, but he wasn’t exceptionally bright. He was also born quirkless, which made life a bit difficult for him socially, but he was well respected among his peers for going toe-to-toe with other quirked students in football. He was not a mean person by any means; he didn’t go out of his way to torment or bully people who he deemed below him. However, maybe he didn’t get on anyone’s bad side because he thought he couldn’t stand up to them. Usually, after school Flash and Kenny would go downtown and find a nice alley that they could bunker down in and drink some booze in secret. 

“You could’ve gotten suspended,” he said, putting his hands in his pockets as he leaned against the wall behind him.

Flash exhaled from his nose in annoyance. He took a swift swig of his 40, and his face scrunched up as he felt the alcohol burn his throat and the pungent taste assault his taste buds. He let out a breath of relief and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. That was a lot stronger than I thought. He tossed the bottle to Kenny, who in turn caught it and took a swig himself. “But I didn’t, right? So nothing bad happened.”

“Bro, he fainted…”

“So?”

“He coulda got hurt!”

Flash scoffed at him. “Nah, that round-faced bitch caught him before he hit the ground. And he was just overreacting anyway. It’s just a camera.”

“Uh, no she didn’t! He hit his head!” Kenny exclaimed. 

Flash shrugged in indifference. 

“Come on du-“

“Listen, Ken, the Wall-Crawler’s in over his head.” Flash walked up to Kenny and snagged the bottle from him. “Imagine that Parker is this bottle, okay? What would happen if I chucked it at the wall there?” Flash asked as he pointed behind him.

“It would break…?” Kenny answered, not sure where Flash was going with this metaphor.

“Yup, it would break into a million little pieces and the alcohol inside would spill out. The bottle is gone and it failed its task to hold the booze. It can’t even be recycled.”

“I don’t see how that…”

“But, if I, let’s say…” Suddenly, Flash’s arm became covered with the symbiote, and Flash’s hand grew claws at the end of his fingers. He then took the bottle with his hand and cracked the top of it off. All that was left on the top was the craggy pattern of broken glass. “Did that. Yeah, the top’s broken off, but look, the alcohol is still there. It can also be recycled into something else.”

“That was $30 man!” Kenny shouted, “Do you know how expensive it is to get booze as a minor?!”

Flash put his finger to his mouth. “Irrelevant, and pipe down will ‘ya?! I’m not lookin’ to get an underage drinking mark on my record. I’m aiming for the big shots, y’here?” Flash then sighed. “Look if that idiot somehow gets into a hero school, he’s going to get slaughtered. By a teacher, classmate, or even a villain if he ever gets that far. And apparently, I’m the only one man enough to put him in his place and teach him a lesson.” Flash shook his head and slumped against the wall. “It’s how I learned.”

Flash heard a “‘Tch” come from Kenny. “You got a problem, Kong?”

“Yeah, maybe I do.”

Flash stood up; a blood vessel started to make itself visible on his forehead. “Well, please then, tell me a better idea. If ‘ya have one.”

Kenny stood up too, matching Flash’s deadly gaze with his own. “How about this: leave him alone. It’s his life. If he’s quirkless and wants to be a hero, then let him. You’re not obligated to stop his dream, no matter how unattainable it is. He ain’t your responsibility, and maybe your method of literally crushing his dreams isn’t really all that good.”

“What do you know?” Flash spat. “Isn’t it a hero’s job supposed to be stopping deaths from happening?”

“Yeah, but they don’t usually send their saved civilians home with bruises they caused. You’re making excuses.” Kenny crossed his arms. The two stared down each other; the menace of anger filled the air. More of Flash’s symbiote crawled down his other arm. Kenny noticed this, grunted, and shook his head. “Whatever, man. I’m going home. I expect $30 on my desk tomorrow.”

Flash rolled his eyes. “And where the hell would I find $30?”

Kenny shrugged. “I dunno. Hold Parker upside down and shake the money out of him.”

“Jesus Christ, Ken, I-“

Suddenly, Flash noticed that Kenny’s eyes were wide. His mouth was ajar ever so slightly and his bottom lip was quivering. Normally Flash would just write this behavior off as Kenny being Kenny, but there was something about his eyes. They were dilated, and they weren’t looking at Flash. They were looking above him.

He could feel it. The atmosphere changed radically. Instead of the stench of anger, the smell of fear permeated everywhere. Flash didn’t like this feeling. Not one bit. Something was behind him, and he did not want to turn around. His hands started to shake. He swallowed a lump down his throat. They both needed to get out of there. They both were in serious trouble.

“Ken,” Flash whispered, “Run.” 

Red clouded Flash’s vision and a psychotic laugh pierced Flash’s ears.

Peter had spent the last forty-five seconds coughing his lungs out. A common occurrence because he had never been able to burp his entire life, and he usually resorted to coughing up all of the gas in his stomach due to his horrible hiccups. However, this time it was because he was flying around at speeds that a human was never designed to be traveling at. That was so stupid.

“Kid, that was literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen someone do, and I work with Deadpool.”

Peter sighed as he looked back at Iron Man. Again, his back was turned to him. He wasted time. He had this question. This question haunted him for ten whole years. Why didn’t he ask this question earlier when he was ranting? Peter finally got back up on his two feet. 

“Keep banging on the door until someone lets you down. After that, go straigh-“

“Wait a second!”

“No!” Iron Man’s voice became stern, like a master scolding their dog. “I’m extremely busy, and I don’t have time for fanboys an-“

“Can somebody become a hero, even if they don’t have a quirk?!” Peter bellowed. He did it. He tossed the line into the pond.

Iron Man turned his head slightly in Peter’s direction. “Kid, I…”

Peter kept his eyes closed. He couldn’t bear to see the expression on Iron Man’s face. Even though he had a mask on, he knew if he looked he would feel an intense wave of disapproval. He just knew it. When he realized that Iron Man didn’t continue speaking, he stepped back in. “I wasn’t born with a quirk, but I always wanted to be a hero. I’ve been picked on so much because of that. I can’t run really fast or move things with my mind, but, I don’t know. I just really want to save people. I just think … that’s the coolest thing in the world. I want to be able to save the world with brimming confidence. Like you do. I don’t want a reward. I don’t care about money and fame. I just want to be there when someone falls to catch them right in the nick of time or rush in when some criminals rob a bank. I just want to help.” Peter opened his eyes and lifted his head to his hero. “You know what I mean?”

But who Peter saw standing in Iron Man’s place wasn’t him. Who stood in his place was an incredibly anorexic man, with greying hair on his head and on his beard, wearing a graphic t-shirt of two cartoon electrons telling a smart chemistry joke, and baggy green-ish pants. Peter screamed in terror.

“Wh-what?! Who are you?! What happened to Iron Man?! You look like Tony Stark but…! Wait! You’re an imposter! A fake! Some sort of off-brand Life Model Decoy?!” he babbled while pointing at the man.

The man hung his head and gave a deep, depressed, and frustrated sigh. “I am Iron Man, and ‘off-brand Life Model Decoy’? That’s pretty rude to say to someone, kid.”

“No way,” Peter gasped. He couldn’t put his finger on why he knew, but hearing him talk assured him that the unusual-looking man in front of him was indeed Tony Stark: The Invincible Iron Man. “You haven’t shown your face in years. People were wondering if-“

“If I was dead?” Tony sat down and put his back against the short ledge behind him. “No, not yet… Well, technically yes.”

Peter couldn’t process this. Tony Stark wasn’t huge or anything, but he was a six-foot-tall man who exhumed confidence by just standing in the room. Always dressed nice, cleaned up well, and still considered attractive at an age where most models would be let go. The man sitting in front of him was pale, frail, his hair was thin, and his eyes looked sullen and tired. This was a man who looked like he gave up on life a long time ago, not the man who saved the world in a high-tech suit.

“Well, if you’ve seen me like this, I guess I’ll just tell you.” Tony grasped the bottom of his shirt and lifted. Peter flinched when he saw virtually a skeleton with skin wrapped around it. He didn’t even have a belly to speak of. It was sucked in so far into his body. How did he even walk to put the suit on today? What caught Peter’s eye, though, was the arc reactor nestled in his chest. Everyone knew the story of Tony Stark and his invention. However, Peter noticed that the veins around the chest piece itself were glowing multiple colors. A group of colors that seemed oddly familiar to him, but he didn’t know why. “Five years ago, there was a battle, and I did a Hail Mary play to end it. I died. My heart stopped, but I was still conscious. I’m basically running on fumes right now.” Tony then knocked on his chest piece, the famous Arc Reactor. “Because of my quirk, the energy that I absorbed during the battle is what is keeping me alive. If I use it, I die. I charge the arc reactor on my off time, storing new energy so I don’t have to use this special energy that’s inside of me. It‘s built to run on a 1% charge for a day, but when I use the suit, it drains fast.”

Peter’s mind flipped through its imaginary pages to find the event that he was talking about. “Was it the fight against the U-Foes? They really messed you and Cap up…”

“Those D-Lister lowlifes?” Tony said dismissively. “No, it wasn’t them. This battle had very little coverage. I made sure of it.”

The thought of Tony Stark manipulating news coverage on a fight disturbed Peter, but that was a discussion for another day.

“The Invincible Iron Man should always remain, well, invincible. If word got out there that I’m functionally dead, people would lose hope. Sometimes I feel that I’m the only thing that’s holding this world from destruction. I don’t know if that's my ego talking or if it’s true. That’s why I wear the armor, kid. So people won’t see that I’m terrified. That I’m human, just like the rest. Some people say I’m a symbol of peace. A man who rejected his war profiteering ways and decided to fight for the greater good of humanity. In reality, I’m just a scared and jaded old man who shouldn’t even be alive.”

Tony got up and walked towards a door that led to the stairs of the building that they were on. “Oh, and to answer your question.”

Peter’s ears perked up. His chest tightened with anticipation.

“I don’t think a person without a quirk can be a hero, and before you say anything, Cap doesn’t count. You have to be willing to lay yourself down on the barbed wire so your partner can crawl on top of you. Except the barbed wire is laced with poison and you don’t have a healing factor. Also, the field that you’re in is over two-hundred degrees Fahrenheit and you don’t have a heat-resistance quirk. You’d just be killed. I’m sorry.”

Peter’s head hung low, and his eyes darkened with sadness. “Ah, I see,” he whispered.

Tony opened the door and sighed as he could practically feel Peter’s sadness. “Listen, if you wanna be able to help you should be a first responder. It’s a fine profession. New Yorkers love their Firefighters and Paramedics. You’d be doing a good thing. Also, I don’t think I need to tell you this, but don’t post what I said to you online, okay?”

Tony glanced back at Peter. He noticed the small tears running down his face, going down his neck, and seeping into the collar of his shirt. He hated being the bad guy. “But, I can tell that you won’t. You look like a good kid.” After he said this, he walked through the doorway and closed it. Peter could faintly hear Tony ask Friday something about where she put Carnage’s canister, but he honestly didn’t care. He was now alone on a rooftop. Heartbroken.

Before Peter had time to sulk and cry about his situation, he heard a loud explosion. Then, he peered over the edge and saw people running out from an intersection. A villain attack?! Peter ran to the door and grabbed the handle. It’s not far. I should-

The memories of Tony Stark’s words flew through his mind like a wasp circling its victim. Peter’s grip on the handle loosened, and his shoulders hung. “Never mind,” he whispered to himself. He opened the door and slowly walked down the stairs. Right now, he just wanted to go home.

Peter hit the streets and made his trek towards the station. What was he gonna tell Aunt May? If he told her, would he ever be allowed outside the house again? Would they have to start driving him to school so they can make sure he’s safe? What was he gonna tell Wanda and Pietro? “Hey, by the way, on the way home I was attacked by the most infamous and deadly serial killer of the modern era. What game do you guys wanna play?” He could tell that whatever measures Aunt May and Uncle Ben would take to protect Peter; Pietro and Wanda’s measures would be one-hundred times more severe. They’d probably request a class transfer so they could make sure he’s safe, or at least Wanda would. As much as he’d like that, the last thing that he wanted was to burden and worry them. 

Peter made a right at the intersection and was taken out of his trance when he picked up the faint and distinct smell of burning gas. He looked up to see a group of people huddled around an entrance to an alley, as he got closer. He realized where he was. He was at the location of the explosion he heard earlier. Even though he had his hopes and dreams crushed by the most popular hero in the world, there was something in Peter’s instincts that drew him to danger. He sighed. If he was already here, he might as well get the most of it. He pushed his way through the crowd, and he saw that Multiple Man was still on patrol today as he, once again, formed a barrier between the civilians and the action. Peter felt an intense heat as fire engulfed parts of the alley. Past the barrier of men were a couple of heroes that Peter recognized: The Thing and Mr. Fantastic. The last two-thirds of the Future Foundation. By the looks of things, they were having trouble. Peter’s gaze went past them to see the villain. 

A horrible, stomach-churning feeling ravaged Peter’s body like a hurricane. He saw a monstrous indescribable form of red, but it was very familiar to him. It was Carnage, and he was in the process of eating another person. He could faintly overhear the two heroes debating on how to beat the villain. There were sounds of worry in their voices. Were they losing? Were they not prepared? 

This is my fault. Peter remembered that Iron Man said something about storing Carnage in his gauntlet. He specifically remembered him pointing to his left arm. The same arm that he used to hold Peter’s head down when they were flying. How did it fall out? Was it loose? Was it because his power was low? This is my fault and someone is going to die because of me. He covered his mouth in terror. Peter overheard some commotion in the crowd, there was talk about Iron Man. There was talk about how Iron Man was chasing Carnage earlier. People were also asking where Iron Man was. 

This is my fault this is all my fault. Peter saw a glimpse of the victim that Carnage currently had in its grasp. It was a horrifying sight. Carnage’s mouth was wide open, and razor-sharp teeth were everywhere. Its victim was inside its mouth as if it were slowly eating the victim. It was straight out of a horror movie. Peter felt like he was going to throw up. He knew how horrifying it is to be in the grasp of Carnage. He knew exactly what the victim was thinking. He suddenly heard a scream. It was a scream for help. Peter looked up, and his heart stopped.

What he saw in the mouth of Carnage, was the desperate and scared face of Eugene “Flash” Thompson. Half of it was human, and the other half was covered in his symbiote. He was holding out his arm as if he was reaching out for help.

Peter gasped.

Save him.

Peter then found himself eight feet in the air, because he just jumped over Multiple Man’s barricade. Shoes touched down on the concrete earth, and he ran. He ran faster than he ever did.

“You?!” he heard the red demon screech. He saw Flash mutter something but he didn’t hear. 

He swore he could hear the cries of the two heroes that were currently behind him, begging him to stop, but he didn’t listen. He just kept running. His legs kept moving on their own. His head tingled, and his body shivered.

Danger.

He saw Carnage whip a tendril at him, but he knew it was coming. He moved out of the way ever so slightly to the left, and the tendril completely whiffed him. 

Danger.

He heard the blood-curdling scream from the monster as it threw another tendril at him. He swiftly dodged to the right and came out unscathed as the tendril hit the ground.

Danger. Danger. Danger.

Yet another blood-curdling scream filled the air as multiple tendrils shot themselves towards Peter. Peter dove over all of them, rolled when he hit the floor to keep his momentum going, and kept running. 

Peter wasn’t even thinking at this point. He couldn’t even feel anything either. He couldn’t feel the heat of the flames around him or the pain from the scraps on his knees. Someone was in danger and he had to do something. 

He was close to Carnage now. Carnage cried another scream. As he was closing the gap between himself and the symbiote, instinct suddenly took Peter over. He held his arm up high and aimed his palm at Carnage’s eyes. His middle finger and ring finger curled into his palm, and something unexpected happened. A string of fluid shot out from Peter’s wrist and hit Carnage square in the white blotches that it called eyes. Carnage thrashed about as it couldn’t see. The strange fluid seemingly solidified and wrapped around Carnage’s face. Carnage’s grip on Flash loosened as he slid ever so slightly out of the gullet of the demon. Finally, Peter got close, took hold of Flash’s arm, and began to pull.

“Parker?! What are you doing?!” he frantically yelled.

Peter kept pulling and pulling. “I don’t know! I couldn’t stop my legs! I don’t know what’s happening!”

“Why are you here?! Get out of here!”

“Flash I…!” Peter’s face contorted into a determined grimace as tears ran down his face. “I'm not gonna stand there and watch you die!”

Flash’s eyes widened and his symbiote crawled to the edges of his face. The only human thing about Flash was his face at this point; his whole body was covered in the black symbiote. Flash bared his teeth, his eyes became pinpoint with rage, and he screamed. 

“Get the hell ‘offa me!” 

The symbiote within Flash came to life. Its own tendrils battled Carnage’s as it formed itself from Flash with a chilling figure. It looked similar to Carnage. It had white splotches where its eyes should be and it had sharp white teeth. It almost looked like it was grinning. It was black as the midnight sky, but the fires illuminated it with a subtle tinge of blue.

“Kill him! Venom!” Flash bellowed. 

Venom let out a guttural roar that shook the earth beneath them. It then bit into Carnage’s upper face with its sharp monstrous teeth as Carnage screamed in pain. 

“No! No! No!” Carnage yelled. Two large mouths flew out of Carnage’s blob-like biomass and bit hard into Venom’s neck. Venom screamed in agony. As did Flash who recoiled his free arm. Which escaped Peter’s grip, and held his neck in pain. Venom screeched in pain and fell to the side, not moving.

“This is not how playdates are supposed to go! I’m supposed to win! Always!” Carnage ripped off the solid-like fluid of his face and let out yet another roar. 

Danger!

Peter felt danger coming from his left but it was too late, tendril struck him in the stomach and wrapped itself around his torso. Peter yelled in pain. It felt like someone took a bat to his abdomen. He tried moving his arms as he struggled to get out of Carnage’s deadly grasp. He needed to get out! He needed to save Flash!

“This play date is over!” Carnage screamed. “Now go to Hell!” An extra mouth formed from Carnage’s red mass and shot itself towards Peter at a blistering speed. 

Peter’s head tingled and throbbed with pain but he could do nothing. He was trapped. He closed his eyes and braced for the inevitable. 

The roars of engines suddenly filled the air and Peter opened his eyes to see Iron Man blocking the mouth with his arm!

“Iron Man?!” Peter yelled.

Iron Man looked directly at Peter. “I really am a piece of work, huh? Apparently, I wasn’t practicing what I preached!”

“No! Not you, again!”

“Hold on, kids!” Peter felt Iron Man grab his arm and he felt him pull. Peter was no longer in the grasp of Carnage, and he saw that Iron Man had Flash in his other hand. 

He did it! 

Peter saw the light in crevices of the armor glowing multiple colors. The same colors he saw earlier that were surrounding the chest piece. 

“You know, Carnage, technically you aren’t human. You’re just a quirk!” Multi-colored light began shining from the chest piece. “Which means that I don’t have to hold back on you!”

“No!” Carnage screamed in terror. 

Iron Man dropped Peter and Flash behind him as the multi-colored energy whirled within him. He crossed his arms in an “X” formation across his chest. The colors started to flash with more intensity. Iron Man kneeled and aimed upwards with his torso. “Oh yes! Your reign of terror is over!”

“I will not be defeated! I am Carnage! I am the most powerful being on the pla-“

”Yeah?! So what?! I’m Iron Man!” he bellowed. “Take this! Unibeam!”

A giant beam of multi-colored energy exploded out of Iron Man’s chest piece and enveloped itself around Carnage. It let out one last scream as its molecules were ripped asunder, and being vaporized into nothingness. The beam went past the nearby buildings and headed straight right into the stratosphere as it left the Earth.

Peter blinked and saw that Iron Man stopped the Unibeam. It didn’t look like he was moving. Peter started to worry until Iron Man’s hand curled into a thumbs-up. He then stood on his two feet, turned to the crowd, and gave them a thumbs-up as well. The sound of a cheering crowd filled Peter’s ears, and for the first time since this morning, Peter had a genuine smile on his face.

The events of the next hour were a blur to Peter. After Carnage was vaporized by Iron Man, Peter and Flash were pulled aside by on-scene medics to be evaluated. However, during this Peter got scolded heavily by the Thing for being so reckless. Peter felt a bit intimidated by him, but deep down in his heart, he knew he did the right thing. After being let go by medical services, Peter made his trek home once again. He tried to talk to Iron Man but he was hounded by the media. 

As Peter got on the train once again, he opened up his phone once again to see that, once again, he had more messages than he can count. Everyone texted him. Aunt May, Uncle Ben, Pietro, Wanda, and even Mr. and Mrs. Maximoff, and they couldn’t even speak English too well. The texts from them touched Peter’s heart. He knew that he was loved, but it was nice to be reminded of that. He texted them all that he’s fine and he’s on the way home. However, he noticed that none of them read it. He shrugged and put his phone back in his pocket.

As the light of the setting sun filled the train car, Peter started to have questions about what he just saw. How did Iron Man do that? He had no energy left. He used the energy that was keeping him alive to pull that stunt off. Why didn’t he die? Did he not use all of it? Peter sighed and shook his head. He was so tired. He had a really long day.

Peter finally got to the Queens stop. Now it’s fixed? He touched ground and began his walk home. The sun was setting on the horizon with a beautiful orange glow and the sky danced with beautiful evening colors. The leaves were just starting to change. Peter didn’t notice it this morning, but now he realized how truly beautiful the season of Autumn can be. He turned on his street, and he saw blue and red lights in front of his house. Great. They probably think I’m missing. He turned back to the street that he was on beforehand so he wouldn’t be seen by anyone. He had to mentally prepare himself before he walked into the mess that was his front yard. 

Danger. 

“Parker!” a familiar voice barked.

Peter jumped, he knew something was coming, but he still jumped. He turned around to see Flash standing behind him. He looked furious. Peter flinched inwardly, but only for a second. He took a deep breath and exhaled.

“What do you want, Flash?” he asked with a tinge of annoyance in his voice. He was taught by his consular to take his time when he needed to stand up for himself. To take a deep breath and visualize what he was going to say and how he was going to say it. 

“I want to tell you something,” Flash’s eyes narrowed, “I didn’t ask you to save me. I didn’t need your help. I could’ve gotten out of it.” His face was red, and his speech was slurred. “I don’t need your pity! I don’t need anything from you! Not from some quirkless, weak, worthless nobody!” He turned around and began walking in the opposite direction. He stomped angrily as he went. “Don’t cross me, Wall-Crawler!”

Peter tilted his head in confusion as he saw Flash walk away. He winced when he saw him kick an innocent trash can in spite. 

I guess that’s his way of saying thank you?

A rush of concern for Flash washed over Peter. A rare occurrence. Flash stank of booze and looked pretty drunk. For a person with a symbiote to get drunk meant that they had to drink a lot of alcohol to balance out the host and the symbiote. Peter cupped his hands to his mouth.

“Flash!” he called out, “Do you know how to get home?!”

Flash turned around, his face even redder than before. “Of course I do, dumbass!” He pointed further down the road. “Go down three blocks and turn right!” He swiped the air with the hand he was pointing with and pivoted back into the direction he was walking in. “Just get outta my sight!” he yelled.

Peter gave a minuscule smile, sighed, and shook his head. I’m too nice to him… he did destroy my camera, today, though. That smile went directly in a frown. Great. Peter turned back around. He had to prepare himself again. 

Dick. He just had to ruin my focus. 

He took a deep breath, formulated his plan, figured out what he was going to say, and visualized how everything was going to go down. He decided he was ready and almost took his first step before he was interrupted again.

“Hey, kid!” A familiar voice shouted from above Peter. Peter looked up and saw Iron Man flying towards him.

An expression of shock found itself on Peter’s face.

“Iron Ma-?!” Before Peter could finish his shriek, Iron Man firmly planted his palm onto Peter’s mouth. Peter could practically taste the metal of the iron. Which was kind of disgusting.

“Are you going to do that every time?” he asked.

Peter shook his head and Iron Man let go of his mouth. Like last time, Peter had questions. 

“So how did you escape the media they always hound you whenever you do hero work and also speaking of hero work how the hell did you do that and not die you explicitly told me that if you use that energy that’s keeping you alive which I have some theories about by the way you would literally die because your heart isn’t beating and also explain to me how that makes sense because I’m losing my Goddam-“

Suddenly the armor ran out of power again and revealed the zombie-like Tony Stark to which Peter promptly screamed in terror. Once Peter calmed down. Tony sighed and began to speak.

“I’ll answer all that in a bit, but right now, I gotta tell you two things, one’s a statement and one’s a question.”

Peter nodded cautiously. 

“Okay, so, question first.” Tony sharply inhaled. “Why did you lie to me?”

Peter was utterly taken aback. “Wh-what?!”

“Your quirk! You told me you didn’t have a quirk!” he exclaimed.

“I don’t have one! What are you saying?!”

“Kid, I saw it. You jumped ten feet in the air over a human barricade. Ran faster than any kid your age can. Dodged every single attack thrown at you, with style, if I might add. And you shot that stringy stuff out of your wrist!”

Peter was grasping for an explanation. Any explanation. There’s no way he had a quirk. No way. This was all some sort of misunderstanding. 

“Listen, uh, Mister Stark, what I said to you was true. I don’t have a quirk! You can check my medical record, I’m quirkless.” He looked towards the ground, feeling dejected. “All of that earlier must have been a misunderstand-“

Danger.

“-ing.” Peter’s eyes widened. What just happened? Peter looked up and saw that his hand was holding a pen, and from the look of it, the pen was thrown at his head. Peter looked at Tony with disbelief. Tony had a smug look on his face. 

No way. 

“Oh my God. I have a quirk,” Peter muttered with a little chuckle of utter disbelief. 

“Now that we’ve proven that theory. Statement second. Thank you, kid. I mean that. If you didn’t figure it out by now, I was in the crowd. I showed up and felt utterly helpless. I couldn’t do anything. No. It’s that I wouldn’t do anything. I was too scared. Too scared to die.” His face darkened with regret as he said this. Then, he looked up at Peter and smiled. “But, then I saw you. This kid. This stupid, arrogant kid. Whose dreams were just crushed by his idol. Who was told by the most popular hero in the world that he could not be a hero. This kid ran in there with no hope. This kid that thought he had no quirk; ran in as if he had a plan to save the day. Let me guess. Your legs started to move on their own, didn’t they?”

Peter nodded frantically.

Tony chuckled. “Figured as much. It’s a phenomenon. Heroes claim that it happens all the time. When they run headfirst into danger and they don’t stop. They don’t think about their own wellbeing. They only think about saving people. That’s what happened to you. Kid. What I’m about to say is something that I say very rarely. I was wrong. Dead wrong.”

The wind blew through the dying leaves of the Autumn trees. The setting sun looked like it illuminated Tony from behind him. He was both in shadow and light. The Arc Reactor in his chest burned brightly through his clothes. Peter then noticed how beautiful the evening sky was. Vibrant shades of pink, yellow, blue, and orange danced in the atmosphere. Time stopped and nothing mattered at that moment except the words that Peter thought he was going to hear. Breathing became harder for him as his chest started to become extremely heavy. His eyes stung as they began to water, and thus his vision became blurry.

“I’d be saying this even if you didn’t have a quirk. Because even though you apparently have one now, you still believed that you were quirkless when you ran in.”

Don’t say it, Peter thought. Don’t you dare say it. I’ve cried so much today. So much! I don’t think I have enough in me to cry again! Peter clutched his chest and he fell to his knees as tears rolled down his face. His body began to shiver as anticipation took him over. Memories from the past flew through his mind like a bird flying into a house and exiting through an open window. Memories of the day he was told he was quirkless. Memories of him, Uncle Ben, and Aunt May all excitedly watching the latest villain attack on the news. Memories of the day when he tried to save a boy from Flash. Memories of the day when he met Wanda and Pietro. Memories of the day where they all promised to attend Avengers Academy and become heroes together. Memories of every beating from Flash, of every hug from Aunt May and Uncle Ben, of every time somebody told him that he couldn’t be a hero, and of every time either Wanda, Pietro, Uncle Ben, or Aunt May told him that he most certainly could become a hero and a damn good one at that.

“Kid, you can become a hero,” Tony Stark stated with a genuine and sincere tone.

The floodgates opened. Peter Parker officially broke. His question was finally answered. He had a quirk. He could start his dream. He could finally start his journey to becoming an Avenger.

“Hey, so, uh, I’m gonna need that pen back.”

Me (11:00 PM): hey u up?

Harry Osborn (11:01 PM): DUDE HELL YEAH IM UP I JUST SAW YOU ON THE NEWS

Me (11:05 PM): YEAH I KNOW THAT WAS WILD

Harry Osborn (11:06 PM): So do you like have a quirk now????

Me (11:10 PM): Yeah I think?? I didn’t have the chance to play around with it cuz of all the police that were at my house. And May and Wanda scolded me for hours

Harry Osborn (11:11 PM): Wanda’s probably training so she can whip you into submission when she ties the knot with you ;D

Me (11:16 PM): >:-[ shut up!

Harry Osborn (11:17 PM): I can hear it now, the screams of agony as she literally ping pongs you across the room over and over again for working too much as a hero >:)

Me (11:24 PM): You enjoy this don’t you?

Harry Osborn (11:24 PM): You love it you know you do

Me (11:30 PM): No. I don’t. Anyway, you free to have a video call soon? I was at Avengers Tower, and they mentioned that your dad’s company is doing quirk research with Stark Industries.

Harry Osborn (11:31 PM): oh you found out about that? Lol yeah it’s a thing that dads investing in to like you know Cure me lol but yeah dude! I’m free this Friday or Saturday

Me (11:33 PM): Saturday please lol Wanda has Pietro and I tied down to go see some movie that day

Harry Osborn (11:34 PM): Pietro gonna sit between you two lovebirds? ;)

Me (11:45 PM): oh shut up. We’re just friends!! Just friends, I don’t know why people think that there’s something more!

Harry Osborn (11:46 PM): lolll! just busting your balls bud

Me (11:55 PM): well stop! They hurt! lol but anyway, believe it or not I’m still going to school tomorrow lol so I gotta get to sleep. Night dude!

Harry Osborn (11:56 PM): Good night man!! Welcome to the “wonderful” world of quirks! Good thing your’s doesn’t kill you like mine does. 

Me (12:00 AM): Oh shush lol we’ll find a cure for you! I promise! Good night :)

To be continued...

[saundraswriting]

Need Some TLC Chapter 4: New Door

SUMMARY: Steve is a man with a door. Bucky is a man who is frustrated. You are oblivious. Time together opens you eyes to what having these two super-soldiers in your life means.

WARNINGS: 

Masterlist // Previous // Next

The documentary was just about over by the time Steve sent a warning text to Bucky. Less than five minutes later, Steve came through the not-door.

"Hey, jerk. I found a nice heavy door. I also got bigger and longer screws to better fasten her door to the frame. It has a matching deadbolt too. I got three keys; one for you and me and one to hide somewhere. I made two copies of ours; one for her and one to hide. Can you help me with this door?" Steve propped up the door against the wall and emptied his bags on the counter.

"Thanks, Steve. You had the same idea I did. I want us and her to always be able to access each other's places. I do feel bad for breaking down her door. Y/N was very agreeable to everything. Except having F.R.I.D.A.Y. installed. She said she wasn't that important. As such she came up with the idea to come to our place if she gets this bad again. F.R.I.D.A.Y. can put up the safety wall until we or someone gets here." Bucky gently extracted himself from your grip and walked towards Steve.

"Buck, I told you, I'll do anything for the person who makes you smile again. To tell you the truth, I did a quick search on her. She's all clean, and all alone. The only child of only children, who live states away." Steve said. He had all the packages open and was getting everything set up. "No, I won't give you details. If you want to know more, talk to her yourself. We work just as weird hours, start small. Get to know her, even a friend will do you some good. Now, come on. I want to get this done before she wakes back up."

Bucky grabbed a screwdriver ad began removing the hinges and things. Steve put the hinges on the door. Half an hour later you had a perfectly functional and well fastened brand-new door shut and locked in place and deadbolt secured.

"Captain Rogers? Sargent Barnes? You're still here?" You furrowed you brows and pursed your lips. You must of woken up when the door shut.

" Of course. We told you that we'd replace your door. we just finished a few minutes ago. We discussed swapping keys. We printed them for you. We added your to each of our keychains and then we will hide them somewhere for emergencies. We won't abandon you. We promised." Bucky said.

"Sorry, Y/N. You made me cookies, that means you are one of mine. I don't let mine suffer or let them down or go back on my word.  Sorry, sweetheart, you're stuck with us." Steve explained while testing your door and locks again.

"Oh, dear. To be considered a friend of the White Wolf and Captain America? What's a gal to do? Hey, do you think if I give Mr. Odinson and Ms. Romanoff cookies they'd consider me a friend? I could always do with more bragging rights." You teased. You threw a wink and laughed at the men's stunned and betrayed faces. "Kidding! I'm kidding! Sort of. I would love to met them, but I only share my baked goods with the neighbors. So you sweet tooth is safe."

"whew! Good. I was worried. They're our nighttime snack. and bargaining chip. What little bit we bring to the compound, get us many things." Steve said. His tone was light but his eyes were serious.

"And out of others." Bucky added.

"Well, I am glad you like them. And give you sway over others, because it is nice to know that The Star-Spangled Man with a Plan will resort to bribery if needed. If you ever have enough self-control, my cookies freeze well too." you said. "Anyhow, are you guys done fixing my door? Cause I'd really like a door." You got off the couch and rubbed your eyes hard enough to see neurons flashing.

"Yes, it is finished and done. the locks work fine with all three keys so we are good to go. Honestly though? You could do with some more sleep." Steve said.

"I know. but I can't. I have to sleep tonight or it will be terrible. I will be terrible. I have to clean up and do laundry. It would have been nice to get a few more hours this morning, but..." You trailed off with a shrug. "Being awake is fine too. I have to look at what I will need for food-stuffs. I don't know when I will be off again.'

"Is that really a good idea? Shouldn't sleep be more important? especially over cleaning." Bucky asked. He and Steve were in the kitchen cleaning up from lunch and the impromptu home repair. you came up next to them and pulled out scent spray refills and cleaning wipes and spray.

" I need to stay awake to get sleep tonight. I need to recharge for the next few days. I work 16 hour days the next four days. If I don't clean now, it won't get done. My apartment won't be clean, my food will spoil and laundry will pile up. Which ends up adding to my stress levels. I need to have my scrubs clean and sheets washed. I need things to be clean now so I can neglect it later." You said. You were very busy, yes; but not too busy to let filth turn to squalor.

"You have a point, several actually.  But Y/N, four 16 hour days? Isn't that biting off more than you can chew?" Steve asked. He had packed up the stuff for the door and began trying the dishes that Bucky was washing.

"Probably. But no one wants to pick up General Care shifts. Our patients turn over is high and very drastically. Anyone over 18 can technically be on my floor as long as they don't need a specific unit like cardio, neuro or burn or children or psych. But even then, if they overflow and need a bed and I have one, can't turn them away. I am also desperate for money. I like to have extra for anything. I like having all my bills paid and in all honesty? My mental health is not great so I sometimes work a lot to work through my depressive episodes." You said. you pretended to focus on a stain on you coffee table to avoid the worried looks you knew the two super-soldiers were giving you.

"Y/N,, we gave you a key to our personal apartment today. Only three people have one and you are looking at two of them. You help us everyday. We will be there for you too." Buck said from the sink. You still couldn't look at him but you could hear the promise in his voice.

" I know. But before you I was alone and after you I will be alone. I always will and do appreciate the two of you. Never ever forget that, no matter what. I just know how things work in real life. I know that I haven't seen my family in 5 years because I didn't want to go into business with my dad or be a lawyer like my mom. I know that  no matter how hard you try, people lose contact, you drift apart due to life." You shifted away from the very clean coffee table and moved around to change the automatic scent sprays. "How about I clean my place up and when I am done we look at getting pizza and watching Disney or a documentary?" You're attempt at a subject change was not subtle but the men got the hint. Bucky narrowed his eyes and his jaw ticked. You knew this conversation was not over. You smiled softly to ease his tension.

"Very well, Y/N. Mark my words, you are one of mine and one of Steve's. There is no 'after us. Bucky said, firm and steady. "Now, can we help you clean?" Bucky lightened his tone to alleviate the awkwardness.

"No, Sargent Barnes, and Captain Rogers, that is incredibly outside your duties. I cannot allow you to help clean my apartment. You made me lunch and fixed my door, that you broke down saving me. I can handle my own tiding up." You waved your hands in a shoo-ing motion and shook you head.

"Y/N. Let me speak plainly. You are missing something here." Steve said, he could see Bucky getting frustrated with you obliviousness. "You are family. You take care of us when we have bad nights and are home. You bake for us when you can to cheer us up. You help acclimate us to the here and  now, you don't mind when we get confused even if we should know it. You let us tell you stories of our childhoods. You are there for us through the rough spots. You make time for us no matter what. We want to be there for you too. We want to be you family as much as you are ours." Steve said. He was leaning against the counter, arms crossed, jaw clenched and eyes laser focused on you.

"We care for you immensely. We worry about you and want to help. We know that working odd hours affects everything else. You may think that you are alone but you are not. We have your back even if you don't think we do. There is no such thing as outside our duties, no request too big or too small." Steve continued. He seemed sad that this needed explained.

You paused in the midst of your cleaning to really look at the two men out of time in you living room.

Steve stood with his hands on his hips. He looked at you with concern etched in the lines of his face, lines that you don't remember being there before. Bucky was twisting his fingers avoiding you gaze. His jaw was clenched, like he was swallowing his words.

These two amazing men had only each other. The team, yeah but they had no one who let them relax. No matter where they went, they were always Captain America and  The Winter Soldier. They are worry-ers. they worried about you and had before you said hello the first time and would if you had denied them your friendship. Captain Rogers and Sargent Barnes had lost their friends and family and even though the team and work helped fill that void the non-avenger aspects needed nurturing just as well.

If you were being honest with yourself, you need to nurture. A partial reason for being a nurse, you wanted to comfort people, help them heal. You also needed people in your life to help you remember that work and sleep and food weren't everything.

Captain? Sargent? I am honored that you consider me family. I consider you family as well. I am glad the two of you have my back cause I forget to watch it." You confess to the super-soldiers.  You firmly met their gazes, squared you shoulders and lifted you chin. You exuded confidence and sincerity.

"Thank you, for being family and trusting us." Steve grinned, eyes and teeth twinkling with boyish charm.

"As long as you don't break another door of mine, we'll be fine. Now, I do need to clean up, so either settle or scat." you flapped you hands at them toward the door.

"We'll scat. We will be seeing you later." Steve came over to you and pulled you into a hug. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders and squeezed tight. You returned the hug with everything in you. he pulled away, lingering.

"You give great hugs., Or it has been too long since I had one." You teased.

"Ha-ha, I happen to know that I give amazing hugs. Also I may have added all the Avengers to you phone while you slept and gave them your number. Also I labeled me, Sam Wilson and Bucky as you In Case of Emergency contacts." Steve smiled sheepishly and quickly darted through the door to avoid retaliation.

"Steven, have you no boundaries?" You yelled at his back with a laugh.

"I didn't know he did that. Sorry." Bucky apologized from the kitchen.

"I don't mind. Just strange. I'll have to update my med kit here and my car and at work." You shrug with eyes bright.

"No one has really cared this much but that maybe stories for another time. Good night, Sargent Barnes. Tell Captain Rogers the same." You walked up and pulled him close for a quick hug. A fast squeeze around his shoulder helped release the last of the tension.

"Good night, Y/N. See you later." Bucky then headed out the way Steve did throwing one last smile at you before pulling the door shut and locking it with his key. 

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************************’******************************************************************* Okay, reformatting is done for this series. I have one more that I am Needing to post and then I can move on to posting more chapters. Gosh, how do people do this day in and day out? This is so much work, which means you should show your content creators more love. :)

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Heartbeat-Chase Brody x Reader (Soulmate AU)

This is a story inspired by the Soulmate AU where: Your soulmate’s heartbeat is tattooed on your wrist.

Summary: The Reader is a close friend of Chase, and they begin to notice that his moods are almost correlated to how fast or how slow the heartbeat on their wrist is. So they start to wonder if there’s a connection or it’s merely a coincidence.

Hope you lovelies enjoy~!!

T.W: Sensitive topics such as suicide, depression, and alcoholism are mentioned, since this is Chase we are talking about.

There is a happy ending to this story, though, so don’t worry ^^

.......

“Yo what’s up guys? I’m Chase! And welcome to Bro Average!”

You smiled as you stood behind the camera, watching as Chase fired his toy Nerf gun off to the side, before he flinched back. 

When you go to edit the video later on, you’ll be sure to add in a crashing noise and the classic “Wilhelm Scream” just for laughs.

Finally, you had the chance to help Chase film his latest “Bro Average” episode, where the most he did was throw teabags and other tiny objects across the room and into mugs scattered around, making “trickshots” as he called them. Either way, though, his viewers loved it and it was actually earning him a couple bucks, so you had no problem helping him out.

After he made his first trickshot after several failed attempts, he ran around the room screaming and cheering, before he tossed his hat to the side and ran to you, grabbing the camera and shaking it a bit as he got up close and personal.

After that you hit the pause and laughed as he went back to pick up his hat. This man was such a goofball at times.

You glanced at your wrist, seeing the tattooed red heart “thumping” fast with the wavy, lines going across it now slightly jagged.

Yes. Since the day you were born, your wrist had this tattoo. Your parents told you that it reflected the heartbeat of your “soulmate”, basically the person you were destined to be with. But despite being in your late 20s..you haven’t found them just yet.

Of course, it was extremely difficult to figure out, since your only clue was a physical manifestation of their heartbeat imprinted on your skin. Either way, though, you haven’t given up hope.

You already crossed Chase off your list, as he told you he found his soulmate: Stacy. A lovely woman who he married and had two amazing kids with. But as of late he’s been running into some...marital problems that got quite severe, so he invited you over to his studio to take his mind off of it.

Several long takes later, however, you noticed that he was losing a bit of focus, and would openly blurt out how his life is crumbling to pieces because of his failing marriage...sometimes not even realizing it until you pointed it out.

And during those moments, you could see the heartbeat start to slow...

Eventually, you left him and took a break while he answered a call from Stacy. But when you came back into the conference room with some soda cans, you nearly dropped them as you saw the camera on the table still recording, and Chase slumped over in the chair sobbing, although he shed no tears.

You quickly turned it off and rushed to his side. “Chase, wh-what’s wrong?” Pulling up a chair, you sat beside him, wrapping your arms around him. He hugged you and whimpered softly. “I-I can’t take i-it, [y/n]...I..I miss them..”

A knot formed in your stomach as you knew something was seriously wrong. You’ve never seen him act like this, so it was scary. “Shhh..maybe we should take a break from filming, okay?” You suggested. “We’ll get you some tea and go back to work once you’re alright.”

“N-No..I’ll...I’ll be okay..” Sniffling, he pulled away and adjusted his hat, before he looked at the heart tattoo on his other wrist. “Just gotta do what I always do. You know, I put on a brave smile. And I put on my best hat. I do good work..I do a good job. Surely my soulmate can see that..right?” He gazed back at you, his expression forced.

You didn’t know how to possibly answer that, so you just sighed and nodded. “Yes. She does see that, Chase.”

After that discussion, Chase decided that he’ll finish filming the video by himself. Even though you didn’t really want to leave him alone, you decided to use the opportunity to talk to Henrik in his office, explaining your concerns for Chase to him.

However, at some point during the conversation, the doctor inquired you on your tattoo.

 “Tell me, [y/n]..did you notice...anyzhing about your little heart vhenever Chase did somezhing?”

You frowned slightly, unsure of how this was related. “Well ah...I noticed that it speeds up whenever he’s running around the room. And it..slowed down when he was crying over Stacy. But I mean...it’s probably just a coincidence, doc. He’s married and-”

“Ah..but..you see, it’s very common for people to mistake zheir true soulmate’s heart vith anozher person’s,” he chuckled softly, rolling up his sleeve to show you his tattoo. “It’s happened to me many time before...until I found my vife and my true soulmate. But many still believe in zhe fabled “love at first sight” myth and zhink zhe whole “soulmate” zhing is utter nonsense.”

For a few long moments you were quiet as you processed what he said, before your eyes widened. “S-So wait...are you telling me that this..” You tapped your wrist. “...could actually be Chase’s?”

Henrik opened his mouth to reply, but before he could get an answer out, a loud gunshot rang through the Septic household. The two of you immediately got up and rushed back to the studio..

Only to find Chase laying on the floor, a pool of blood surrounding his head with a gun laying in the palm of his hand.

And when you anxiously turned your wrist over....

The heart was still and the line was flat.

..................

It was well over a year after Chase’s life was saved and Jack fell into a coma, and things..definitely haven’t been looking up for the former.

He recently became diagnosed with depression not only because of his friend and the fact that he hardly got to see his kids anymore...but also due to the realization that Stacy wasn’t his true soulmate.

She was leading him on only because she admired his radiant personality and good looks, and that’s what utterly devastated him and made him resort to drinking away his problems. He had come close to hurting himself a few times...but thankfully he never got to that point.

Eventually, though, he had given up on the whole “soulmate” thing and believed he wasn’t destined for anyone.

You, on the other hand, became almost certain that he was the one. But anytime you tried to bring it up or even show him your tattoo, he’d start crying or change the subject and get angry if you tried to insist on discussing it. He even wrapped a bandage around his heart so he didn’t have to look at it anymore.

So you decided to give up on trying to talk to him about it. Once he was in a better mental state, then maybe he’ll give it a chance.

You could only hope he does. ...........

You took a visit to the operating room, where, as you expected, Chase was sitting beside a comatose Jack, bottle of Japanese whiskey in his hands. He gently grasped his friend’s wrist, carefully turning it over to see the heartbeat going.

“Y-You must be lucky to have a soulmate, Jack,” he murmured quietly. “I...I was considering just...getting a tattoo over mine. I don’ care what it is...poop emoji, another rune...anythin’ would be better than this.” Then he ripped off his own bandage, seeing his heart beating fast.

Meanwhile, you just stood there, anxious as Chase spoke of how badly he wanted to get rid of the very thing he was born with.

Then he sniffled and set Jack’s hand onto his stomach, before patting the top of it. “Hope you wake up soon, Jack...I..I miss ya.” He took another swig of his drink.

“Chase?”

Looking over, he saw you and smiled. “Hey, [y/n]..”

You could clearly see how awful and exhausted he looked tonight. There were dark purple bags under his eyes, and even with his hat on his hair still looked greasy and unkempt. The depression had definitely hit him hard the past two days, so he didn’t shower and hardly ate.

Speaking of which, you could hear a grumble echo through the room. You frowned and walked over, putting a hand on his shoulder as you gently wriggled the bottle from his grasp. “I have some food in my room. C’mon.”

With a small nod, he got up and you put his arm around your shoulders so he didn’t stumble as you both walked out of the room, turning the lights off and closing the door.

Once you made it to your bedroom, you set the whiskey on your desk before returning to Chase, who was now on the edge of your bed, staring off into space. You grabbed the McDonalds bag and opened it, taking out some chicken nuggets you bought for him, before handing him the package. 

“Here, I got you the 4 piece. It’s okay if you can’t eat all of them right now.”

He just stared at it, shaking his head and tears welled up in his eyes. “I-I don’t want it..” His voice cracked. 

“At least have one..or even half of one,” you pleaded softly. “I wanna see you at least eat something, Chase. Please?”

After a long while, he shakily took the box from you and opened it up, taking out a nugget and eating it slowly. You smiled, glad to see him finally eating, as you rubbed his back. He blushed at the gesture, becoming a bit more relaxed.

Within a few minutes he had eaten two of the nuggets before he closed the box and gave it back to you. “Good job, Chase. I’m proud.” You set it on his nightstand. Then you took off his hat and placed it over it. “You should get some sleep.”

“C-Can you stay..?”

You blinked in surprise at his question, but your smile returned as you nodded. “Sure. I don’t mind.” With a sigh, you helped him pull off his shirt, which was stained with drops of whiskey and possibly tears, putting it in the laundry basket, before you both got under the covers.

“G’night, Chase.” You went to turn off the lamp, only to stop as Chase grasped your arm.

“'m sorry for the way I’ve been acting lately..” He mumbled. “It’s just..I..I wanted to give up on the idea of...soulmates. But...a part of me doesn’t wanna. I keep trying to put it out of my mind..b-but..when I’m around you it somehow always comes back...”

You gazed at him thoughtfully for a second or two. “You only get those feelings around me?”

He nodded tiredly. “They..feel good but at the same time..I-I’m just scared that I’ll b-be wrong yet again..”

“Well.....you never know unless you try, Chase.” You sighed, deciding that he should know that you were, indeed, his soulmate.

“Try..?”

You wrapped your arms around him, bringing him closer to you. “Try laying your head on my chest. Then look at your wrist. If my heartbeat sounds like it’s moving at the same rhythm as your tattoo...then that’s the only way you’ll know for sure.”

Chase remained silent, confused and tense, but he just shook his head, his eyes watering back up. “I-I...I can’t, [y/n]. It..It hurts too much to look at. What if..?”

“Don’t think about the “what-ifs”.” You cupped his cheek, brushing away a stray tear that trickled down his face. “Just please trust me on this one, alright?”

Hesitantly, he nodded again and snuggled closer to you, resting his head against your chest. Since you had a tanktop on, he was able to press his ear against your skin so he could hear more clearly. Then he shakily looked at his own wrist, watching a listening carefully.

After a few moments, his eyes widened as he heard your heart beat fast...moving at the exact same rhythm as the “tattoo version” of it.

“Th-The rhythms are the..e-exact same..” Then he shifted away to look into your eyes, seeing your smile. “You...Y-You were right..” More tears began to stream down his face as he realized that after all this time...his soulmate was the one person who had been there for him all along. “I-I’m sorry I-I...I never..I shouldn’t h-have-”

“Shhh..it’s okay, Chase.” Tears formed in your own eyes as you kissed his forehead. “I know you’re going through rough mental patches. And I know love was a huge part of that, so I wanted to give you a break. But it’s okay now..” Your smile grew further. “We’re true soulmates. That’s all that matters.”

Chase choked out a sob as he smiled, too, before he nuzzled your chest, crying softly out of sheer relief. “I-I love you, soulmate..” He whimpered.

“I love you, too, soulmate.” You chuckled as you threaded your fingers through his hair, kissing the top of his head several times.

While you were aware that him finding his true soulmate wouldn’t magically cure his depression, at least now he knew that his romantic life wasn’t hopeless.

And that he had found the one who truly loved him....flaws and all.

[clusterthoughts]

My take on Avengers: Endgame **SPOILERS AHEAD**

To get the ball rolling, I’m gonna start with the bits I didn’t like just because overall I fucking loved Endgame and I’d like to end on a positive note. But just because I loved it does not mean I am not well accustomed to Marvel giving me holes to pick at. STEVE’S ENDING When I first watched it; it rubbed me up the wrong way. Now I’m actually mad about it. Don’t get me wrong - I knew they had to find a way to write out Steve Rogers but literally anything else wouldn’t have shit on years of character development. Fans: clearly Steve and Bucky would be the only natural romantic partners for each other Marvel: romantic love is not the be-all-and-end-all. Friendship is just as important Fans: okay well can you give Steve and Bucky solid screen time as friends? Marvel: sTEVE NEEDS TO BE WITH PEGGY THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE AND TO ABANDON ALL HIS FRIENDS FOR IT Fans: ...k I recognise that Steve’s trauma was that he felt like his life had happened without him and he had left behind the love of his life and honestly: fair. I’m Stucky trash all day long but I know the fucking company I’m dealing with here. I’d have accepted The Power Of Friendship with open arms. But a major part of both Steve and Peggy’s on-screen storyline was accepting that they needed to make the most of the life they had now and move on. Significant portions of their screen time was dedicated to that healing process. Steve created a life for himself in the future. He had a found-family (despite Marvel continuously found-family baiting us but I’m being considerate to their established shitehawkery here) he had friends and a purpose. But the main thing of note here is that Steve and Bucky’s friendship was constantly painted as the single most important thing to them. It was enough to pull Bucky out of seven decades of mind control. It was enough to make Steve drop everything (including Tony) to go and find him. They are with each other ‘till the end of the line. Steve Rogers is a man out of time but so is Bucky Barnes. Except Bucky spent the whole time being tortured and used as a murder machine. I refuse to believe that Steve would just leave him alone in the future. And he is alone because there has been zero suggestion that Bucky has a relationship with anyone except maybe Shuri and the Sam and Bucky being friends thing is just here now and we must like it or else (I love it but give me context damnit) And I know that Bucky knew what Steve was going to do because he told Steve he would miss him even though as far as they were concerned he was only going to be gone for five seconds but they, at the very very least, could have shown them having that conversation. The other parts of this that completely fly in the face of Steve’s character development: everyone lost someone. Everyone. Why does Steve get a do-over? Tony doesn’t get a future and Nat doesn’t get a future. Why does Steve get a new one? In what world would Steve comfortably accept either of those things? Peggy moved on and got married and by Steve re-writing how the timeline occurred he denied a women he respects and admires her autonomy. Finally, Marvel really expects me to believe that Steve ‘If I see a situation pointed south, I can't ignore it’ Rogers goes back to the 40’s and knows Bucky is alive and being actively tortured, knows HYDRA is in SHEILD, knows the Starks are going to be assassinated, knows Nat is in the Red Room and just... does nothing. The Russo Brothers wanted a Steve and Peggy ending from the start, and even when it became obvious that it wasn’t what the fans wanted, they refused to let go. Steve’s ending would have been very sweet if he was any other type of person but he wasn’t. It makes no sense at all to his character development and everyone involved deserved better. Speaking of deserved better... NATASHA’S ENDING This wouldn’t have left such a bitter taste in my mouth had Nat ever, even once, been treated with respect in this franchise. In terms of storyline I’ll admit it made sense. Someone had to die for the soul stone. It had to involve two people who loved each other. And I most certainly didn’t see it coming and the audible sobbing from the audience would back that up. It would have been heartbreaking had Nat been a well loved, well respected character. But she wasn’t. Nat was used as an eye-candy prop for Tony. She was the first person who really tried to be there for a struggling Steve. She was shoehorned into the role of Bruce’s love interest. She gave Clint his atonement. The five years where she worked through her grief were done offscreen despite them being recorded. Her skill set was not shown in this movie in lieu of giving her emotional depth. Yet she was left alone for years to believe that she was some type of monster who didn’t deserve nice things. That she had to dedicate her life, and then give her life, to redemption she no longer needed by any merit applied to the men of the franchise. If you consider the movie as a stand-alone it was a necessary evil but realistically Marvel never did right  by her right until the very end. As much as I hate Marvel’s dedication to romantic love being the only motivator; traumatised women needing to sacrifice themselves to be worth anything at all is worse. Natasha’s story never belonged to her and that’s what makes her ending bitter as opposed to just sad. NOW ONTO THE THINGS I LOVED Tony and Nebula’s interactions were so sweet. It really just solidifies how much of a good guy Tony is and it’s nice to see someone treat Nebula like a decent person who just needs some love for once. I have seen a lot of people complain about Thor’s storyline but I actually agreed with the decision made. I am not necessarily thrilled with the execution - the ball was dropped because the Russo’s aren’t Taika Waitti so the humour was clearly a copycat attempt and the fat jokes were overdone. Also handing New Asgard over to Valkyrie I liked but it was really throwaway. The reasons I’m not including it in my Things I Didn’t Like List is: Firstly, Hemsworth specifically looked for Thor to become comedic relief because he didn’t agree with how stiff Thor had been presented in the beginning. Thor’s mother died. His father died. His brother died. His best friend died. His home was destroyed. Half his people died. AND THEN the snap happened. Thor felt personally responsible for everything. During the fight in infinity war, for everybody else is was prevention, but for Thor is was already revenge. Only for them to lose which, as far as Thor is concerned and for all that he’ll believe, is because he should have gone for the head. And people just??? Expected him??? To be fine??? Accurate depressive episode is accurate. And I’m so glad he got to speak to Frigga. Firstly because I love her and secondly because she was dead right. You’ll always fail at being the person you are supposed to be. Thor has to make peace with the person he wants to be. (On a side note: Frigga and my therapist would be friends) Also when he killed Thanos the first time I heard someone in the cinema say “they do know this is a 3 hour movie right?” And I was inclined to agree. Gotta give this movie props for never having me feel like I could guess what was gonna happen next despite me being able to guess what was gonna happen next. Brilliant writing. I love Scott Lang. I don’t have much to say about that. He is a great dad, super funny, blends well with the others, when he got super big I whooped. His reunion with Hope was actually perfectly sweet without taking away from the mission. This is a We Love Scott Lang Zone only. The scene where the push time through him was hilarious. I did not see the Banner/Hulk thing coming and equally did not realise how much I needed it. Super funny and good for him for embracing both. Tony! Stark! As! A! Dad! Jesus wept it was so much more wholesome than I ever could have hoped for. I can’t even pick out one part it was all perfection. I love you 3000, Tony Stark. Hawkeye. My baby boy. I love him to death and I am purposely ignoring his time as a big ol murderer. It was very very extra wrong but leave me alone. I was glad he was given more screen time in this movie. I recognise that Rocket isn’t strictly speaking a “real” “person” but I enjoyed him so immensely in this movie. Him and Nebula holding hands just knocks me every time. KORG!!! I would give this movie 10/10 exclusively because Korg was in it. I truly loved the scene where Tony figures out time travel and I’m also very glad that instead of Pepper putting the foot down because he had a family now and he promised so many times he’d give it all up she knows that he’ll never rest and he needs to do this whatever the cost (sob) Rhodey’s A1 time travel humour ~chefs kiss~ I! FUCKING! LOVED! EVERYTHING! ABOUT! THEM! GOING! BACK! TO! NEW! YORK! AAAHHH! Hulk and the stairs!!! I genuinely yelped when Steve said “hail hydra” that was genius spec!!! “You’ve got to be shitting me” STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!! “I can do this all day” “yeah, yeah, I know” was fucking hilarious!!! “Bucky... is... alive” further yelping on my part!!! “That is America’s ass” and all Steve/Tony/Scott interactions about America’s ass were just great!!! Thor using the hammer to restart Tony’s heart!!! Loki where u gone!!! “Do you trust me?” “I do”!!! 1970’s WOO TIME-TRAVEL ROAD TRIP Hey, Stan Lee I just love Tony/Steve scenes (Civil War? Never heard of him?) they bring me true, unadulterated joy Everything about Howard and Tony’s interaction was so wholesome I think I need to take a shower in dirt to counteract it Peggy Carter you are an agent and you mean to tell me that 220lbs of Prime American Beef can just stand in front of you and you don’t even see it out the corner of your eye? LOOK UP, DAMNIT (If you have your reunion now the dickhead might not go ba- sorry, sorry. Where was I?) JARVIS!!! Can someone please for fucks sake give  Nebula a break? Mediocre Natasha mourning is mediocre (sorry x2) YES BRUCE YOU BEAUTIFUL SONOVABITCH aaaaaand Yikes! (Poor Rocket did not sign up for this shit at all) (Gamora is too good for these fuckos) When I asked for someone to give Nebula a break I didn’t meAN FOR FUCKING NEBULA TO DO IT Everything about the Steve/Tony/Thor v Thanos fight scene was so ~deep inhale~ aesthetic but... *WHEN STEVE USED MJØLNIR I WAS READY TO GODDAMN RIOT. HOLY FUCK. WHAT A SCENE. WHAT A MAN. IVE HAD SEX THAT DIDNT GIVE ME AS MUCH SATISFACTION. I WOULD HAVE THAT MOMENT TATTOOED INSIDE MY EYELIDS IF I COULD. EVERY TIME I REMEMBER IT MY BRAIN MAKES THIS NOISE: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~ahem~

FUCK OFF AWAY FROM THE SHEILD THANOS The scene where Thano’s army is charging in from the dark clouds and you can see Steve standing in front of the sun is so beautiful I’d marry it. I don’t have the right vocabulary for how beautiful that was but fuck me Sam: on your left Me: ~pterodactyl screech~ Honest to fuck it was a moment of sheer magic seeing everyone come back (I made grabby hands during everyone’s return) Next, I’ll quote a girl I met in the toilets after the movie - “If I marry the man of my dreams, have beautiful children, and die in my sleep at the age of 99 I still won’t be as happy as when Steve said ‘Avengers Assemble’” Girl, same. Fucking same. It was erotic and I’m genuinely fearful Marvel will never produce as magnificent a line again. TONY AND PETER I shed a tear at how sweet that was. I need back into the dirt shower. Their hug!!! Peter’s babbling!!! Tony’s whole face!!! CAPTAIN MARVEL. I’ve got to give this credit. I love Captain Marvel. I think Brie Larson is a god amongst men but I really didn’t want the movie to be about her and how she saves the day. That would really take away from all the years of hard work done by the original six and it really wasn’t her fight the way it was to everyone else. The amount she was involved and the way she was involved was truly perfect in my opinion. It was the edge they needed but no one was overlooked in the process. I was really very happy about this. The girl power scene was probably pandering but I don’t give a fuck I was well and truly pandered The team work for that fight scene was magnificent, the pacing was magnificent, the visuals were magnificent. BE-YOU-TEA-FULL When Thanos got the stones like honestly Russo Bothers you had me there. I fully panicked Doctor Strange’s lil finger. Remarkable. I’m gonna take this moment to say: the call backs they did to old scenes and old lines in the franchise were really tasteful and well done. This always felt like the accumulation of years of work and I’ve got to applaud it. TONY MOTHERFUCKING STARK, FRIENDS!!! You funky little maniac. I AM IRON MAN!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! But oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I knew this was going to happen but that did not make it hurt any less. There was open crying at this point in the cinema. It was the perfect death for him, to be honest. If it had to happen I’m so glad it was like this. Full circle. Honourable. Surrounded by those who loved him. Part of the journey is the end and I LOVE YOU 3000 I am going to miss Tony beyond belief. His funeral was stunning. I am so glad literally everyone was there (HEY HARLEY). Great symbolism for it being a funeral for the Avengers as we know it, too. Also Happy’s interaction with Morgan was so soft I have melted. I am no longer here. And finally, Sam Wilson Is Captain America AS! IT! SHOULD! BE! I would like to thank the academy, Jesus, and whoever took over Steve Rogers considering the Steve we know would never have gone ba- SORRY X3

[monkey-network]

redPill Your Mind [Part 1]

This is gonna be one of the drunken things I’ll ever write, but there needed to be balance so I hope you enjoy.

So, you know what I expected when I saw the title Change Your Mind? A sequel to Sorry to Bother You, in which Rebecca Sugar and Noelle Stevenson’s [self inserts] head to a Penthouse house party hosted by Buzzfeed type millennial hetero CEOs and they eventually have to slaughter their way out of there before they’re injected with a serum that turns people into jungle cat human hybrids......... instead we got a special that one could say had too many cooks in the kitchen, only for all to season the roast with the same salt, water, & pepper. But hey, whence you read all of this, know that it was all very entertaining to me. Okay, so...

We return to Rapunzel’s tower where Steven is still locked away in his sequin suit where Blue comes in and has an argument with him who is actually Pink and it’s all a dream that apparently took place in the past but the question here is when? Like it supposedly takes place before Pink got Earth but after she started acting like less of a brat? So it’s like... she was a pretty entitled brat at one point but here she’s restrained and regretful of herself here now. What?

I’m honestly at a lost at how I should feel about Pink Diamond cuz on the one hand she basically lied, used, and manipulated others into false realities and subconsciously relied on a 14 year old to be their guiding key to relieving the weight they had on themselves because she wasn’t mature enough to face this herself. On the other hand, she is seen as somebody that’s in a strict, estranged relationship with her parental figures and comes across as the one gets the rod and yet is pretty spoiled. On one hand, she sent Steven some positives vibes before her death, so that’s great. But on the other hand with this dream scene, we, or at least I, don’t really see her getting abused by the diamonds as much as having to be disciplined and told to for goofing around? Like Blue Diamond agreed to letting Pink keep the rainbow worms, Pink took advantage of that and did something unruly, and she’s put in time-out because of it. Like yeah, that tower is pretty depressing even if you can escape from it with your shapeshift and floaty powers, but it’s not like she’s in there because the others think she’s always a waste of space but because she acted headstrong and is sent there to have some time to reflect on her repercussions. Blue doesn’t figuratively looks down on Pink, think of her as any less in that scene in particular, she just appears disappointed that Pink isn’t acting like an expectedly responsible leader. Like yeah, Pink’s treated like a child but the show made me believe that she was only a child back then.

Not to mention, her “parents” are dictators, explicit dictators that are trying to maintain a galaxy wide empire full of destroyed planets and massive use of structural militarization. They have to chastise Pink for not living up to their expectations because their expectations amounts to being sith lords that seek to kill, look grandiose, and control at will. They weren’t trying to get Pink into an Ivy League and get a million dollar business afloat, they were trying to build her into the next conqueror and I’m at a lost as whether I’m supposed to empathize with that. The show made little effort in helping me think of her as anything more than a based ass bitch among a group of the same stitch that sorta kept the cycle of control going when she finally stepped up to be a leader and yet the show wants me to think that her intentions overall meant something sincere but fuck, man. Intentions work when the outcome is most probable and soluble on all accounts, it doesn’t help with three mentally stunted alien women that apparently haven’t integrated too well into society despite the fact that there are entire libraries to learn from and grasp the ups and downs that humanity have gone through since one of the purposes of staying on Earth is to protect the life on Earth as well as coexist with the inhabitants otherwise a World War 0 would’ve been imminent from the get go. Honestly, WW0 would’ve probably been cool too. I guess that’s why Russia is nonexistent cuz the fight between Russians and Gems would’ve been too epic to be detailed.

Also, we see the Diamonds do the truth bomb again and it’s like were they trying to kill or corrupt the gems cuz it seems that they weren’t aware of how their powers work and it’s like what the fuck. You just throw up your hand and expect the worst? They didn’t test this power far beforehand before decidedly saying “You know what? Let’s try these hand beams. I’m sure they’ll be super effective in wiping them out.” On top of that, the Diamonds didn’t bother to see what happened afterward? They just nuked the planet and left not caring if there were any survivors to squash out? Like yeah, if I set off a nuke then I’m certain many would die but if I wanted to make sure everyone dead, I’d cover my tracks and send some drones down to comb the area to make sure of no survivors and if the corrupted gem count were overwhelming then yeah I’d step in and take care of it again. Just saying, I would be a far more tactile villain but apparently there are no villains in this show so I guess not doing this is consistency? Wonderful.

We cut to the present where a Deja Blue, that isn’t ass tasting water, happens and Blue is like “Dang it, I try to be the better, more lenient dictator mom and you just soiling the good order and my patience. I’m putting my foot down this time.” And they mention dehydration and starvation but it’s like how would Blue know what those are? This small moment comes off as Blue being quite a brick wall but that’s the fact she doesn’t know what human customs are because.... she was never informed or obligated to care of such things. 

In any case, Steven tells Blue that this dynamic of theirs ain’t gucci, and Blue breaks down coming to terms with her estranged behavior with Pink. And I gotta look a little further into this. So the scene amounts to Blue realizing that Earth suited Pink or Steven better than the likes of Homeworld and yet it didn’t feel earned in the sense that Blue truly saw what Steven saw in Earth.  

Remember the episode When It Rains where Peridot felt more comfortable with Earth after experiencing raindrops for the first time? That could’ve been for the Diamonds, somewhat. Legs from Here to Homeworld rushed and brushed off what could’ve been a chance for Blue and Yellow to at least grasp the perspective Pink had all those years ago before they came to a full realization in this episode. They didn’t have to be as blown away as Peridot was, but they should’ve had some time before to somewhat get a sense of conflict in their own ideals and how Pink was probably in the right of her actions before falling in line to Steven’s gospel.

Like we can point the finger at Blue for being an emotionally controlling parent but like I said, she is a dictator, one whom, based on what we got, didn’t figuratively looked down on Pink as much as wanted better from her, and punished her accordingly when she went against the order that the Diamonds built for themselves. She was negligible to Pink’s real desires, but then again she had to run an empire and had to make sure Pink would follow suit so it’s like what Pink wanted was irrelevant to what was expected of her. The chamber’s a bit much, and I ain’t excusing it, but it’s like they could’ve done far worse to make Pink see things their way. And we never really see Blue enforce any control over Pink, be emotionally dysfunctional towards her, or diminish her sense of self as much as give her a stern talking about what she must uphold as a Diamond, what she born to be, as any sense to diverge from that should be absolved, while being consistent in her soft-spoken yet straightforward tone. I’ve seen a few say that she alludes to abusive parenting but the show never indicates that her disappointment and frustration enabled a subtly abusive side of her. Only one moment presents such a case where she uses her power blue balls on Steven and he takes this as a regular occurrence, but this only happens when Steven pushes her to do so out of frustration not long after trying to reason with him. For the sake of Pink Diamond, Blue really just agrees with Steven instead of understanding this for herself. Yeah, this is meant to feel like a one sided argument, but it didn’t feel like Steven had to think that much to get her on his side. While it makes sense that she would be the first who comes to terms with her past transgressions, those transgressions aren’t exhibited well to say that she was truly in the wrong for everything she did to Pink, based on what we’ve seen and heard of her. I ain’t trying to defend the Diamonds, but Blue’s revelation feels more by design of the plot and less out of earnest rationale that’s emotional resonating.

And trying to say the Crystal Gems are better parents than Blue and Yellow is a big ass understatement because their expectations weren’t as necessarily impactful as being a responsible ruler of a fucking galactic empire. Those are two different planes of settlement and standards, and Steven trying to say what is normal or not rings hallow when he didn’t make any case back on Earth for what is considerably normal there. Not to mention, Pink and Steven, despite how it may seem, are two different characters. The show tries to provide that Steven is his own person yet has to work out the complicated relationship of somebody he’s never seen and still knows minute about with her emotionally stunted parents, or his other family, by making believe that they’re almost one in the same based on pattern recognition? Say what? I mean we’ll get to this later... but let’s say Pink is quite the catalyst in this special and the uphill battle is only the slight incline from here.

So after Blue joins the party temporarily, she hides Steven and Connie in her boobs, they head to Pink’s quarters, the two eat, get clothed, and head out to get the gems back. And this is where I stop for now cuz I’m tired.

Continued in Part 2 (eventually...)

[forever-rogue]

More than the Blues

Request: Hey! Can you please do fic where the reader is dealing with postpartum depression and Chris tries to help her. I feel like Chris would be really scared since he really wants kids. Thanx 

A/N: As I have never dealt with these issues, I’ve tried to capture them as best as I could. I hope you all enjoy! And if you’re ever dealing with postpartum depression, or any form of depression, try and reach out if you can. I love you all and am always here if you ever want to talk. xx

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Warning: Postpartum depression

MASTERLIST

Everyone said that having a baby would be the greatest thing anyone would experience. It was supposed to be a beautiful journey that ultimately ended the greatest gift – a life that you had created. And, for the most part, it had been that way for Y/N.

Upon initially discovering that she was pregnant, Y/N had been nervous and scared, but excited. She and Chris had been married for a few years and had finally taken the plunge and decided to the start the family they had both always wanted. Her pregnancy had gone smoothly for the most part, with only a few bumps along on the way and the general worry that most women and expecting parents go through.

But when it came to actually having the baby, a beautiful girl they had decided to name Genevieve, everything felt like it went wrong. As soon as she was born, despite the initial skin to skin contact, Y/N hadn’t felt like she was told she would or wanted to feel. She felt like something was wrong with her and despite doing her best, she couldn’t shake the looming feeling of darkness over her. She just couldn’t seem to get out of her funk.

One afternoon, she was home alone, Chris had a meeting he couldn’t miss, and she felt so distraught. Gigi, as she was affectionately nicknamed, had finally gone down for a nap, and Y/N was felt so lost and confused on what to do. She stood over her crib and watched her sleeping peacefully.

“I’m sorry I am the way I am,” she whispered softly, “I do love you very much. It’s just that mommy’s broken right now.”

Y/N sighed to herself before turning on the baby monitor and leaving the nursery to head back into her bedroom. Some days it took everything she had to even get out of bed and fully dressed. Most people didn’t question it through, they just assumed it was due to being a new mother. Plus she had gotten pretty good at lying and keeping up appearances. She thought she owed at least that much to Chris.

She flopped down in her bed, making sure she had a clear view of the monitor, and cuddled down under the covers. Letting out a long sigh, she turned on the television and turned it onto to Netflix and put on The Office. It was something she could have on in the background since she had seen the whole series many times overs; it was almost comforting to have her familiar friends on the screen.

A few episodes in, having gotten up a few times to check on and feed Gigi, she heard the front door open, followed by the footsteps she immediately recognized as Chris. Y/N groaned inwardly to herself, not expecting him back yet, and disappointed in herself for how she appeared.

“Sweetheart?” his voice drifted up the stairs. She pulled back the covers and hung her legs over the side of their bed.

She remained silent but a few moments later, he entered to find her looking despondent. She looked up and gave him a small smile, “hi love.”

“Hi honey, are you alright? Is everything okay?” he asked as he went to her side and reached for her hand. He noted how sad and tired she looked.

“Everything’s fine,” she went to her go-to response, “I’m just tired.”

Chris gave her a concerned look, which broke her heart even more, he could clearly tell she was lying. She wished she could be better for him, or at the very least pretend more convincingly. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder, holding onto her tightly and kissed the top of her head. 

“Sweetheart, if there’s anything wrong, please just tell me. You don’t have to hold anything back from me. You know that,” he said soothingly as he rubbed her arm. She nodded in response, but didn’t say anything in that moment. They were interrupted by small cries coming through the baby monitor, signaling that Gigi was awake and needed attention, “I’ll go and check on her.”

“Thank you so much,” she said as he walked out of their bedroom and down the hall to the nursery. She heard him murmur something in response but couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. Y/N hoisted herself off the bed and headed into the bathroom to shower, discarding her clothes along the way.

Once inside, she turned on the taps, setting the water to just sightly hotter than she normally liked. Her reflection caught her eye and studied herself for a brief moment before deciding she didn’t like what she saw and quickly stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain shut behind her. She stepped under the hot water and let it run all over her tired and sore body. In some ways she wished she never had to step out and go back into facing reality.

“Y/N?” Chris asked as he gently knocked on the half open door, “is everything okay in there?”

She didn’t even realize how long she had been there, but it was clearly long enough for him to become worried, “yeah, babe, everything’s fine.”

He paused for a moment before he pushed open the door and let himself in, taking a seat on the closed toilet next to the shower, “Y/N, I feel like you’’re hiding something from me.”

She pulled back the curtain a little bit and poked her head, meeting his worried gaze. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Instead a sob, a choked up cry came out, something she had been holding back for a long time. Tears immediately flowed down her cheeks, mixing in with the water from the her showers. All the emotions she had been holding back flooded out freely.

“Y/N,” Chris said as she stood up and pushed the curtain away and wrapped his arms around her wet form. She said nothing but held onto her as tightly as she could, silently sobbing into his shoulder. He reached over and turned off the water, picked her up and carried her out of the shower, “it’ll be okay, darling, I promise.”

He grabbed her bathrobe from the hook on the door and wrapped it around her. She shrugged her arms through the holes and throw her wet hair into a bun. Chris put his hand on the small of her back and guided her towards their bedroom, and she immediately sat down on the edge, putting her face into her hands. He sat down next to her and just held onto her silently, not rushing her into saying anything, knowing she’d do it when she was ready.

“Chris,” she said softly after a few minutes. She looked up at him and he looked at her with a sad smile on his face, “I feel like such a failure. I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore.”

“You are anything but a failure,’” he insisted as he took her hands in his, “what made you ever start thinking this way?”

“I.,,ever since Gigi was born, I feel like such a failure. I don’t know why, but I feel like I haven’‘t bonded with her and I just feel so depressed. I want to do be better for her, but I just don’t know what what to do,” she explained and thought she must have sounded so stupid. She wouldn’t have been surprised if Chris just up and walked out on her.

“Is that what’s been going on?” he asked and she nodded lightly, “there’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. A lot of mothers go through what you’re dealing with they have  a new baby. It’s doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”

“I just feel like I haven’t been able to do anything right. I feel so lost going through everything. I don’t want to do anything to happen to Gigi either,” she sighed and twisted her hands nervously.

“Nothing’s going to happen to her, I promise. I know things seem hard right, but I promise we can make things better,” he insisted and she gave him a small nod, “we can make things better. Maybe it would help if you went to see someone? Does that sound like something you’d like to try?”

“Yeah, I do. I think that might be a good idea,” she agreed, “I love you, Chris.”

“I love you too, Y/N. More than anything and nothing will ever change that, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed with a teary smile and he leaned down and kissed her gently. She wondered how ever she got so lucky as to have Chris by her side, he was definitely the best thing to happen to her.

3 Months Later

“Hi honey!’ Y/N called out as she let herself into their home, carrying groceries to make them a delicious dinner she had planned.  She walked into the kitchen and put the groceries on the counter, wondering where Chris was, figuring he was probably upstairs with the baby. She silently made her way up the stairs, following the sound of the giggling she heard coming from the nursery.

She stood in the doorway of the nursery, watching Chris pay with Gigi on the floor. She was watching him intently, a smile on her little face.

“Look Gigi, mommy’s home,” he said as he gave Y/N a big smile. She returned the gesture and got onto the floor with them, running a hand over her small head.

“Hi my baby girl,” she said as she cooed happily, “hi love. I see you two were having fun.”

“We were indeed. Someone’s a very happy girl today,” he said and gave her a small tickle, “how was your afternoon? Did your session go well?”

“Yeah, it dd. It was a good day all around, but I’m happy to be home with my two favorite people in the world.”

“We’re happy to see you too,” he said as she leaned over and gave her a kiss.

She reached over and picked up Gigi, giving her kisses and snugging her to her chest. Things weren’t perfect, but they were a lot better than they had been. And they were slowly getting better. It had been a long road, but she was happy that Chris had supported her this whole time. Some days were still hard, but these, getting to see her baby girl and her husband made all the struggles worth it.

“Have I ever told that you’re the best?” she asked quietly.

“I think you might have mentioned it a few times, but I still like hearing it,” he chuckled as he reached over and gently touched her cheek, “I love you.”

“And I love you,” she said as she pulled the two of tightly against her, “my perfect little family.”

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[stevesharrlngtons]

hey.

steve harrington x reader

summary: he was such a staple piece in your life, that as a child and young teen, you never saw your life without him. late night promises and pinky swears were made in blanket forts that you two would be friends until the day the sun burned out in the sky. it was just a given that’d he be there, that you never worried about the two of you drifting apart or being separated. he promised he’d always be there, and you had believed him. you now corrected yourself, foolishly believed him.

word count: 3.4k

chapter: i / ii / iv / v / vi / vii / viii

                                                    chapter iii

You thanked the universe it was Saturday. This not only meant you had today and tomorrow to recover from the night before, but your mom always went out on Friday nights and slept most of Saturdays away. It wasn’t that you were afraid of getting in trouble, you just didn’t want the interrogation she would give you if she saw you walking in with a boy’s clothes on and your own clothes, wet, in your arms. To your dismay, the second you walked through the door, your mother was sitting at the kitchen table with a cigarette and her morning coffee.

“Look who’s back early.” Your mother in a cheerfully knowing voice.

“I could say the same to you.”

“Ha ha.” She spoke and rolled her eyes.

You went to the table and joined her.

“Coffee?” She asked as she slide her pack of cigarettes towards you.

“Hot chocolate. I’m not planning on staying awake much longer.” You replied and lit yourself a cigarette, throwing your wet clothes on the chair next to you.

Your mother smiled and nodded, getting up to make your drink.

You and your mother had a different relationship. When your father and she had split (after she had found him wrapped in the throws of passion with his assistant in their marital bed) she had kind of fallen apart for a while. All of her friends had forsaken her for being a divorcee, including Steve’s parents, you were all she had left. You took care of her while she had depressive episodes and you were the one who cooked, cleaned and took care of everything for most of your freshman year. After that, your mom got her life back. Got a better job, and started to look like herself again. But after all of that, things never went back to a traditional mother-daughter relationship. It became like two old ladies living under the same roof. She still parented you on occasion, but really, you stayed out of trouble, did well in school and never gave her a reason to really discipline you. So, the dynamic never changed. You liked it this way. It was easy, you both came and went and supported each other. You both were a little broken, but it was okay. You loved each other and that’s all that mattered.

“Here.” Your mother placed the mug of hot chocolate in front of you.

“Thanks.” You smiled and took a small sip of the hot liquid.

“So, can I ask why you’re carrying a pile of wet clothes and wearing some that definitely aren’t yours?” She quirked an eyebrow at you while sliding the ash tray so it would be close enough for the both of you to use it.

“If you must.” You sighed, ashing your cigarette.

“So…?”

“I went to a party, where I happen to run into Steve,”

“Harrington?” She asked engaged.

“Yes, Harrington,” You continued, “Him and Nancy broke up and I don’t know, I guess old feelings die hard, so I went back to his place and we talked. Swam, fell asleep. Don’t worry no funny business, scouts honor.” You put your pointer and middle finger to your temple in a faux solute.

“Did he drive you home?”

“No. I walked.”

“What?!” She exclaimed and placed her cup down.

“Sweetheart, you could have caught your death out there! You could have called me.”

“Eh, didn’t want to bother you.” You shrugged.

She gave you a You-Know-You-Could-Never-Bother-Me- look and you smiled back.

“You should have made him drive you home, (Y/N).”

“I left before he woke up.” You fiddled with the lip of your mug.

“Why?” Your mother asked.

“Freaked out I guess. It was weird being there.”

“Did he apologize for being such an asshole- sorry, jerk to you for so long?”

You laughed at your mom’s correction, “Yeah, kinda. He probably didn’t mean it. Who cares if he did, y’know? Everything will be the same Monday.”

Your mother saw the slight disappointment on your face.

She placed her hand over yours in comfort, “Don’t be so sure. Sometimes people surprise us.”

“Yeah, maybe.” You offered a small smile.

Then the two of you made small talk while you finished your drinks.

“I’m going to lay down. I’m exhausted.” You told your mother while you placed your mug in the sink.

“Okay,”

“Oh!” She said remembering, “Jonathan called last night, wanted to make sure you got home alright. I told him you were here and safe.”

“What if I had been kidnapped mother! Weren’t you worried in the slightest?” You said dramatically, feigning hurt.

“Eh, they would have brought you back to me, I wasn’t worried.” She smiled and shrugged.

You squinted and shook your head with a smile, “Love you too, mother.”

“Love you more!”

After you had woken up from your early morning nap, it was noon and there was a small note folded next to you.

Had to step out, while you were asleep Steve Harrington called. I swear I just told him you were asleep and not to pound sand like I wanted too.

Xoxo,

Mom

You sighed. You were really hoping Steve wouldn’t have called. You hoped he would have woken up too hungover to even remember if you were there the night before or not. Sadly, that wasn’t the case. You made your way down stairs to get some coffee and a muffin while debating whether to call him back or not. You hopped up to sit on the counter to eat your breakfast and picked up the phone that rested on the wall. The long sparling chord brushed your left shin. You stared to dial Steve’s number and a wave of panic hit you again, so you hung up the phone and dialed the Byers’ home instead. They rarely ever answered it since the incidents with Will last year, but every once and a while, Bob, Joyce’s new boyfriend, would be there and answer it out of habit. Today was one of those days.

“Hello, hello?” Bob’s cheerful voice rang through the phone.

“Hi Bob, It’s (Y/N) (Y/L/N).

“Well good afternoon! How may I direct your call, Ms. (Y/L/N).”

“To Jonathan Byers’ office, please.” You said smiling and playing along.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Byers’ is out at the moment can I take a message?”

“Nah, that’s fine. Just tell him I called?” You asked, a little disappointed Jonathan wasn’t home.

“Of course!” He said.

“Thanks Bob, tell Joyce hi for me, will ya?”

“Always do,” You could hear the smile in his voice.

“Thanks, have a great day.”

And with that both lines were hung up.

You were a little miffed that Jonathan wasn’t home. You wondered if he could have been the one to pick up the pieces of a newly single Nancy Wheeler. But Jonathan was respectful and a gentleman, he’d never try to start their relationship this soon after things had ended so rocky with Steve.

You leaned you head against the wall next to the phone and ate your muffin and drank your coffee in silence. You just let your mind go blank as you continued your mundane activity. That’s why when the phone rang again, you almost fell from the counter.

“Hello?”

“You seriously just left? Really?” It was Steve.

Fuck.

“Sorry, I didn’t feel well and didn’t want to wake you.”

“Bullshit, (Y/N), try again.” His voice was stern.

“Honest! I was just hungover and knew a cold walk would remedy it.”

“Are you fine now then?”

“For the most part.”

“Good, I’m coming to get you.”

“What?” You almost choked on your salvia.

“Yeah, so get dressed.” The line went dead.

You sat on the counter, a little stunned. The last thing you wanted to do was spend the day with Steve, especially after your internal conflict of ‘I love him, I love him not’ you had done on your way home this morning.

But, you found yourself upstairs, hastily wiping away last night’s make up to reapply a fresh layer. You opted for a ponytail for your hair, since you hadn’t had a chance to take a shower and had no clue how close Steve really was to being at your house. After a quick outfit change you smoothed your sweater and looked at yourself in the mirror, you almost changed, but as the thought crossed your mind the doorbell rang.

You walked down the stairs so slow Steve rang the bell again and you sighed. When you opened your front door, there stood Steve Harrington in all of his glory. You cursed yourself at the slight flutter your stomach gave when you first saw him.

“Finally. Now let’s go.” He grabbed your arm and dragged you towards his car.

“Where to, exactly?”

“You’ll see.”

You sat in the front seat of Steve’s car in front of the Dairy Freeze. You had a vanilla shake in your hands and he had a strawberry one, and you both were waiting for your food.

“I forgot how good these shakes are.” Steve said smiling down at his cup.

“Yeah, but know shakes are better when it’s not twenty degrees out.” You said back. It wasn’t supposed to come out as a jab at him, but it had.

“Whatever…” He trailed off.

“Sorry…”

Silence fell over the car again.

“You know,” Steve started, “I like thinking that when we took my dad’s car we parked in this same spot and ate the same things. You have always been a vanilla shake with a chicken sandwich and I’ve always been a strawberry shake and a cheeseburger.”

“Yeah.” You smiled, liking that he remembered your order.

“I’ve been on a date or two here that ended not so good, so this place just doesn’t taste as good as it did when I was a kid.” You sucked at the straw of your shake.

“With who?” Steve’s voice hardened, but you didn’t notice.

“Scott Thompson in the tenth grade then last year with some college guy named Derek, you wouldn’t know him.”

“Scott Thompson? That fucking guy? What did you ever see in him?” Steve was trying to play off his interest as fun banter, but he was secretly making plans to shoulder Thompson extra hard in their next basketball scrimmage.

“I don’t know! He was nice to me. He told me he’d pay for everything but forgot his wallet so I paid. I didn’t care but it was annoying how he kept bringing up that he forgot his wallet. He also put his arm around me and like so awkwardly touched my boob that I told him I had to leave and called my mom from a payphone to pick me up.” You laughed thinking back on it now, it had been mortifying at the time, but now it was a good story.

“And the college guy?” Steve asked a little too quickly.

“I met him here actually. With Jonathan. We were hanging out in his car here and I went in to get more ranch and bumped into him. We exchange numbers went out a few times, but I don’t know he gave me the creeps after our third date so I never called him again. So, I don’t know, I guess because I met him here, this place gives me residual creeps.”

“Did he hurt you?” Steve asked lowly, gripping his drink tightly.

“No! Nothing like that, he was just weird, like he would do and say weird shit that made me feel, well weird.” You chuckled at your lack of vocabulary.

“Well I’m glad you aren’t seeing him anymore if he made you feel like that.” Steve stated.

“Thanks?”

Then the silence was back. The waitress brought you your food so now you both just ate your food and looked around at passing cars and people going in and out of the restaurant. After you were halfway done with your sandwich you placed it aside and asked what you had been wondering since the night before.

“Why me? I mean, why did you call me today? Why not one of your friends?”

“You are my friend.”

“Steve…” You pressed.

“Who could I call, (Y/N)? Tommy? Carol? Oh yeah, they are great people, really want them to console me and make me feel better.” Steve said frustrated as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Aren’t they your friends though?” You asked, honestly wondering.

“Yeah, but I don’t know, not really.” Steve said.

“After I got together with Nancy, I started to see that all those guys, they suck. They’re mean and just assholes. So, I just started to distance myself from them and spend all my time with Nancy.”

“Okay, I get it,” You spoke turning away from Steve, “Now that Nancy’s gone you need someone to fill her shoes.”

“No! (Y/N)! That’s not what I meant, fuck!” Steve said anxiously.

“I can just never say the right thing, can I?” He chuckled sadly to himself.

“You do have a tendency to put your foot in your mouth.”

“Yeah I guess I do.”

Steve meant well, you were sure of it. But you didn’t want to be his consolation prize for losing Nancy. That wasn’t fair to you, not at all.

“Okay, well listen. I’m not going to put my shoe in my mouth-“

“Foot.” You corrected and you saw him smile.

“Okay, yeah. Foot. I’m not going to put my foot in my mouth this time when I say: I really missed you, (Y/N). Like a lot. Last night just reminded me. And right now, I don’t want anyone but you. I’m sad and lost and the only person I want to spend time with is you, okay?” Steve said this with such conviction that your breath caught in your throat.

“Okay.” You whispered.

After the Dairy Freeze, the two of you went back to Steve’s house. You offered to go to yours so he could get his clothes but you told you to keep them. This made you smile just a little but too big. At his house again, you both settled on the couch and flipped channels. Once you saw Audrey Hepburn’s face flash across the screen you yelled.

“Back! Go back!” Steve did so.

“Breakfast at Tiffaney’s? Really?” Steve groaned.

“You know I love this movie.” You said settling back into the couch happily.

“Yeah, but I know I’ve seen this with you at least fifteen times, so God knows how many times you’ve seen it.”

“Classics never get old, Harrington.”

To your pleasure and Steve’s dismay, it was the beginning of the movie. Steve really had seen the movie with you a million times when you were children. Your mother had always wanted you to be a well rounded child, so she had shown you many old movies when you were growing up. Some were better than others, you were still unsure why your mother had had you sit through both Easerhead and Un Chien Andalou in one sitting at the tender age of eleven. Thankfully Steve hadn’t been around for that movie night.

But out of all the old movies you’d seen, you’d always had a soft spot for Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It was the movie you watched whenever you were sick or had an exceptionally tiring day. Steve knew this, and even if this was supposed to be a day of making him feel better, he was fine with you getting the movie choice. Watching you recite lines and add your own commentary was cheering him up.

“We’re friends after all,” Holly said on the TV, “We are friends, aren’t we?”

Without thinking you repeated these lines, and the air became heavy with insinuation.

“Let’s not say another word, let’s just go to sleep.” You muttered in tune with the TV.

“That’s us.”

You looked at Steve with a cocked eyebrow.

“We’re friends, drinking, smoking cigarettes and sleeping next to each other. After all this time we are Holly and Paul.” Steve gestured to the television.

You opened your mouth to reminded him that Holly and Paul fell in love, but you kept it to yourself. Hoping that he forgot that part of the movie or didn’t mean you were like Holly and Paul in that way.

You settled for, “Yeah, I guess we are.”

As the movie drew to a close the sun began to set. You had been so engrossed in it that you hadn’t noticed that Steve had fallen asleep. His mouth open slightly and his forearm over his eyes.

“Holly, I’m in love with you,” Paul spoke.

“So what?” You mouthed along with Holly.

“So what? So plenty. I love you, you belong to me!”

“No,” You and Audrey Hepburn both began, “People don’t belong to people.”

As the scene continued, it began to hit you in a way this movie had never done before.

“You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.”

Tears filled your eyes as you watched Holly desperately search for her cat while Paul watches, you held your breath.

Moon River filled your ears and as Holly and Paul fall into a passionate, exhausted kiss, and you cried. For the first time since you had first seen the movie, you cried. You did so quietly as to not wake Steve, but as the credits ran in, you felt horrible.

Something about Paul’s speech and the emotional coming together of the two leads was too much to bare. It felt too poignant to your situation. You and Steve were Holly and Paul. But you weren’t in love. Things were different now and you weren’t friends let alone in love. Even if you were in love with him, which the jury of your heart was still out on, he didn’t love you. Not like that, never like that. And love was never real love if it was reciprocated. And you knew it was selfish, but you don’t think you could watch him run back to Nancy on Monday. It was inevitable. They were the two in love. People do fall in love and people do belong to each other, but to your tearful dismay, Steve didn’t belong to you, he never would. But you thought if running back into the arms of Nancy Wheeler and belonging to her again was Steve’s chance at happiness, you wanted him to take it.

You felt embarrassed and overdramatic. Here you were crying over a movie next to a boy you hadn’t really talked to in the last four years. You were crying on this boy’s couch about him while he slept. This thought was mortifying and you hated yourself for this whole scene. Why you had suddenly become so emotional over Steve Harrington was a mystery to you.

“(Y/N)? Are you crying?” Steve asked concerned, sleep still lacing his voice.

You began to quickly wipe away your tears, “Yeah. This movie is sad, that’s all.”

“But Holly realizes she loves Paul. How is that sad?” Steve asked moving towards you.

He had remembered the end of the movie.

“Yeah, well I guess I just still get emotional about it.”

Steve nodded, and pulled you into a hug. You were in no way in any shape to refuse him. You just fell into his arms and let him comfort you for a while. It was like this morning when he had held you so tight. It was calm and safe and warm. You had became so relaxed that you didn’t notice when Steve laid back down to the couch, taking you with him. You settled on his chest, face in his neck and hands under his arm pits. And that was how you fell asleep with Steve Harrington for the second time in the same day.