#she's younger and i think she's still really new at this and afraid to commit to anything

[thedawningofthehour]

I don't think it's irrational. They give me anxiety too. I've asked people not to enter my stuff because of that.

I am content to watch from the sidelines and enjoy watching people be silly

It's weird, like, I do want to participate in stuff and have fun but it just kind of takes over and invades my head when I'm trying to do anything else. And it's illogical because there's literally no point. 'What if you loooooose?' Nothing. Absolutely nothing will happen, I won't even feel that bad about it. The result is the same as me not having entered at all. 'But what if you lose?' It just doesn't end.

[apple-onigiri]

oo what were those thoughts on isabeau's change? sounds spicy

ahhh thank you so much for asking!! i'm excited to talk about this :D (hopefully in A Few Hundred Less Words than the siffrin/loop self-love and self-hatred dichotomy ask hjdsjh)

i feel like i need to preface this by saying i mean more the Change in personality isabeau went through here rather than any physical changes that would amount to transition in our terms! so any changes that were more physical will be discussed as something that was meant to drive home the change in his personality more than anything. okay? okay!

we get a lot of details about how some part of Change is destruction - in the kitchen on the first floor when getting the egg key and both during isa's regular friendquest and its mangled version from act 5.

this is what we learn when we ask about the egg key in the kitchen. while some of mirabelle's seeming uncertainty here might be stemming from her own hang-ups about changing (since she likes who she is and doesn't want to change anything about herself), she acknowledges that an important part of the Change belief is leaving things behind and breaking something to create something new. as fitting of a housemaiden! she explains thought and caution is needed, that you have to consider all the consequences of such an act first.

however, isa seems even more enthusiastic about the idea of leaving things behind and destroying what's left, no matter the cost. there's some pride in his own Change, yes, but it almost veers into the area of overcompensation.

later on, during his friendquest, he talks about his Change, and how he did an almost complete 180 in personality because he was tired of being shy and afraid.

which, on one hand, seems to be something he sorely needed! a boost of confidence, becoming someone he thought would help his younger self come out of their shell. he put a lot of effort into becoming someone else. and he was ready to commit to that capital-C Change. he trained a lot to play the part (put a pin in that turn of phrase) of a strong, buff guy that he wanted to be and everything! but the way he talked about it... seemed a bit disquieting to me from the very beginning.

isa seems to talk about his old self that way not because he wants to cement he's a new person but to seemingly almost express some contempt to them with it. he never truly learned how to appreciate that version of himself and just discarded it whole cloth, to the point of pretending he's not smart at all and way stupider than he actually is, because it's easier to distance yourself from everything that used to make you you. at multiple points of the story, we see the party being taken back by the fact that isa is knowledgeable on something. siffrin only notices after being told this and then looking out for it.

(cut here because, despite my best efforts, this got long)

there's something siffrin thinks in act 4 during isa's quest when isa talks about changing again because who he is now also doesn't seem quite right that's pretty poignant to this whole thing.

despite the drastic Change isabeau went through, he still thinks of himself as someone you'd be ashamed of knowing. he still doesn't like himself! he still feels unhappy with who he is! and that's sad!

the issue here is that isa's Change was motivated externally; he seems to have focused on how people would react to him rather than how he himself would feel in his own skin. him and siffrin aren't dissimilar - both of them pretend to act in ways that keep others content because that specific behavior is expected from them and the persona they take up. there's a heartbreaking fragment of the quest in act 4 that i myself missed in my playthrough because the bad touch event overrides it that tells us how siffrin took up most of his personality as a "funnyjokespun person" only after meeting the party and couldn't really describe it beforehand.

war and hatred on planet earth! this is very much a takes one to know one situation which is why when siffrin attacks isa in act 5, it cuts so deep.

okay. the worst part of that exchange in act 5 is,,, that siffrin hits where it hurts because they don't make anything up. they aim to be hurtful and insulting, yes, and they project the hell onto isa but only with the aspects that have some overlay between them. they're both scared of being rejected if they're not acting a certain way, being a certain type of person, embodying an archetype.

isabeau, instead of doing the honestly genuinely hard and heavy work of learning to appreciate yourself and all your parts, goes all in on a new persona, even if it means suppressing parts of yourself and going against what you might want. he's unable, or just simply afraid, of not thinking in a binary when it comes to changing and growing as a person. he thinks it's much more comfortable staying in your lane as a strong buff guy that reassures people and not have to deal with the fact that being smart would Obviously Clash With That. well, it wouldn't, but he's scared! and doesn't even want to risk it!

this fear of upsetting the status quo can also be a p big motivator in Not Confessing Ever At All. this guy is so scared of being ever so slightly different than expected that he's immediately hit with the flight response the moment he tries.

tl;dr isabeau used Changing his personality as an escapism mechanism and discarding the entirety of who he used to be instead of dealing with the mortifying ordeal of learning to love yourself, and is too afraid of upsetting the status quo to mix and match personality traits, only operating in strict archetypes when shaping his character. boy why are you so identity crisis. i love you

[queercharlieswan]

Twilight Annotations, Part 2

Pg 270: "In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone." (...) "You would have come," he promised.

I tried to speak calmly. "Without a doubt." (*nervous chuckling*)

Pg 272: "Of course, then you were nearly crushed to death in front of my eyes. Later I thought of a perfectly good excuse for why I acted in that moment - because if I hadn't saved you, if your blood had spilled there in front of me, I don't think I could have stopped myself from exposing us for what we are. But I only thought of that excuse later. At the time, all I could think was, 'Not her.'" (*gasps*...Why am I gasping, I already knew that)

Pg 272: And I was filled with compassion for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving to take my life. (That makes one of us)

Pg 273: "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever." (Edward, if you really think Bella's too precious to be with you, to the point where you, I dunno, ditch her in the woods for her own protection, maybe don't say shit like this to raise her hopes up)

Pg 288: "They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all of the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone." (I know Edward was literally dying but I'm still side eyeing Carlisle a bit for this)

Pg 289: "She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." (Uber rare moment where Edward gives Rose the bare minimum credit she deserves)

Pg 292: "You spied on me?" But somehow I couldn't infuse my voice with the proper outrage. I was flattered. (Bella, you absolute freak)

Pg 303: "And then," he whispered, "as you were sleeping, you said my name. You spoke so clearly, at first I thought you'd woken. But you rolled over restlessly and mumbled my name once more and sighed. That feeling that coursed through me then was unnerving, staggering. And I knew I couldn't ignore you any longer." (Homeboy didn't even try to stay away from Bella for more than three days and then watched her sleep every night, only a freak like Bella would appreciate this obsessive behavior)

Pg 304: "For almost ninety years I've walked among my kind, and yours...all the time thinking I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding anything because you weren't alive yet." (That's not the compliment you think it is, you cradle snatcher)

Pg 313: "I was sure it was a dream." "You're not that creative," he scoffed. (It's true)

Pg 314: "I love you," I whispered.

"You are my life now," he answered simply. (Confessing love to a guy she has only known for a month, Bella is really Charlie and Renee's kid)

Pg 339: "I can't adequately describe the struggle; it took Carlisle two centuries of torturous effort to perfect his self-control." (And Bella could just have instant super self-control because why not. But this also means that Carlisle must've still been struggling with his bloodlust when he first met the Volturi. They must've hazed the shit out of him.)

Pg 349: I bridled a little at the word 'child.' "Jacob is not that much younger than I am," I reminded him. (Bella, c'mon, you must know that Edward sees you as a child too. It's so obvious in the way he treats you.)

Pg 353: "Just think about what you're doing, Bella," he urged.

"Okay," I agreed quickly.

He frowned. "What I meant to say was, don't do what you're doing." (YOU TELL HER, BILLY)

Pg 368: "Well I do think of them as my children in most ways. I never could get over my mothering instincts - did Edward tell you I had lost a child?" (Way to trauma dump the second time meeting Edward's new girlfriend, Esme. And also the way Smeyer writes Esme's characterization is so sexist. As if retaining maternal instincts meant for your newborn baby that died and you ended up committing suicide over it is the luckiest outcome a woman could have in that situation, so that they could continue the role of motherhood instead of I don't know, putting their own needs first for one damn minute??)

[rohirric-hunter]

Tagged by @a-lonely-dunedain to plug OC names into this heacanon generator and see if it fits.

Léonys:

Léonys doesn't own a single pair of matching socks.

Okay, so in actuality no, Léonys has lots of pairs of matching socks and is actually pretty neat about her clothes and stuff when she's at home. BUT I can see this becoming one of those annoying widely-accepted fanon headcanons in direct contradiction to canon because 95% of the time the reader is exposed to her in a, "Has been living in the woods for 3-8 business days, has not spoken to another human being in almost a week, ate bark that was still attached to the tree, laid flat on her back with her mouth open while it was raining to get a drink (for fun)," kind of state, or the many stages of breakdown I dragged her through in Léonys of Rohan. I think if my stuff had a bigger following a lot of people would have trouble reconciling that Léonys with the way she acts when she's, like, in a house.

Léonys does not know what sleep is.

She really does not LMAO. Take a nap, girl

Léonys is smart but also very stupid.

I mean this one's vague enough that it could apply to basically anyone I think. Which means it's a winner! Léonys figured out, on her own, within a few days of properly meeting him, that Aragorn was the heir of the old kings. She also got involved in all that because she saw brigands with hostages and was like, "Go and get help? Tell the town guard? Involve the other hunters? Nah! I'll just follow them! :) and take care of it myself :)."

Léonys crashed a riding lawn mower into their fence.

Absolutely not the ride-on lawnmower goes nowhere except where she told it to go. The ✨🌟🤗🐎💖bond ✨🌟🤗🐎💖 that exists between the Rohirrim and their horses ride-on lawnmowers

Hathellang:

Hathellang is a cry baby.

I mean I guess it depends on what about. This also sort of sounds like a headcanon made up by someone who doesn't actually like the character, so, you know. Subjective. I don't think so. But there's not a lot I would label crybaby anyway.

Hathellang has a roblox account.

Disclaimer: I've never played Roblox. But yeah, I feel like he has one. He used to play a lot more than he does now. But that was years ago. These days no one knows he has it except for Léonys. But sometimes when one of the other kids complains that someone was too mean to them on Roblox he logs on and, well, see,,, if the offender didn't have bannable offenses to work with already then suddenly,,,,, mysteriously,,,,,,,,, they start committing bannable offenses. For literally no reason whatsoever, they must have just felt like it, suddenly. Who knows! Anyway, reported.

(I.E. Hathellang would be a holy terror on the internet, somehow able to talk the trolls into getting themselves banned while only barely toeing the line himself. A power that could be used for good or evil. He uses it to back up his kid siblings on disagreements over the Walmartland makeup obby.)

Hathellang believes in Santa.

He does not! But he's really dedicated to keeping the Santa Experience alive for the younger kids. Also I feel like in a modern AU he'd be super into the Santa Clause movies.

Belharen:

Belharen is afraid of doing anything without their parent's permission.

Belharen is involved in the plot because she ran away from home. Without her parents' permission. That doesn't mean she's not afraid of doing things without her parents' permission. But she still does them.

Ferelin:

Ferelin is tumblr famous.

Oh my god yes. Spot on. IDK what I can add. His shitposts are legendary. Made a new friend. Have informed him that I do not know what a roof is. Think he has little enough knowledge of the Shire that this should fly with him. Eager to see how this plays out. Update: Friend in question visiting my house right now as we speak. Made comment about the roof. Think he remembers what I told him when we first met. Except funnier, probably, IDK. I wonder what his URL would be. He casually refers to his improbable and near-miraculous ability to heal basically anything by singing to it very stubbornly and people think it's some kind of extended bit. He lets them think so because they started to come up with theories about it and it's kind of funny.

Dahlia:

Dahlia knows fnaf lore.

Probably, lol. I feel like she wouldn't play the games, though. I've never played them, this is vibes-based. She just knows the lore. For some reason. Maybe she watches hour-long YouTube videos breaking it down to relax.

And because I've been thinking about her recently some Pegweneth:

Pegweneth instinctively cleans messes in their own house as well as other peoples.

Pegweneth judges people for having messes in their houses TBH. Privately. In her head. She does not clean them. Her house is not clean.

Pegweneth knocks people over by hugging them.

If she knows them very well and is confident they're okay with it.

Pegweneth is not good with social cues.

She knows what they are. She just thinks they're stupid she's above them she responded to them appropriately when she really didn't.

Hmmm, seems like a lot of people I would normally tag in these things have been tagged already. I know many people with OCs and I know that many of them dislike this sort of fandom/headcanon stuff. Open invitation to do it if you want to?

[lilyofporcelain]

✿ - DECAY - an old memory, from childhood perhaps

"My feet hurt," she whined, lifting her hands and gently flailing her arms about.

She hadn't been more than some of her adolescence. She was closest to Valerron, the youngest of her brothers. He had lofty aspirations of joining the Farstriders, which seemed to complete the holy trinity in her family. The others had seen to the order and the magistry respectively. Who knew what Belidrae was going to get herself involved in. She certainly didn't want to follow the footsteps of her siblings.

Teasingly, it'd often been said that her greatest accomplishment would have been spending money that wasn't hers.

Valerron turned back from where he stood, looking over his younger sister, unimpressed and yet amused all at the same time. She could see the pull in his expression and in the same way she'd always hooked him with that sweet, innocent look of hers, he fell once more. Hook, line, and sinker. One day, she might be able to put gifts like that to a more practical use. For today? It was more than enough for him to bend down, giving her ample opportunity to climb onto his back.

He'd carry her home.

"You're impossible," he scolded her, though the affection in his tone was more than clear.

Belidrae grinned as she wrapped her arms loosely about his neck, blonde hair practically curtaining the way she practically crumpled atop him in addition to herself. "Yeah?" she asked, "Then why'd you pick me up?" Maybe the better question was why he allowed her to have her way, she was sure she knew the answer. The relationship she had with Valerron was completely different than the one she'd had with their brothers, perhaps because they were the closest in age. By the time she'd been born, Tynnan and Landris had already started their respective paths in life. Valerron was the only one she spent time with on a regular basis.

Valerron scoffed, though his grin was bright. "Obviously because I'm a sucker. Bet that look doesn't work on Mom and Dad." Met with a knowing look from his sister that he couldn't outright see, perhaps he had eyes in the back of his head. "Who am I kidding? It probably does. They can't ever say 'no' to you."

Looking incredibly proud of herself, as he carried her, she found herself caught up in the perpetual autumn of their homeland. She loved it there. It was so beautiful. Frankly, she couldn't imagine her life in any other way, but maybe that was just because she hadn't been around long enough to solidly form what she wanted to do or who she wanted to be. For now, being the baby sister carried by her older brother seemed good enough.

"Nope. They definitely can't," she agreed finally. "What's it like being a Farstrider? Do you get to do anything cool?"

"I get to do lots of cool stuff—controlling the numbers of beasts in the forest, training new recruits, learning how to craft the perfect bow, brushing up on tanning and other things like that. It's all cool. You should come with me sometime. You'd look real cute with a bow. Wanna take after me?"

Belidrae's face twisted and pulled. "That sounds cool, but I bet I'd hurt myself. Can I still come watch if I don't wanna hold the bow? Or are you gonna make me hold the bow?"

Valerron reached up with a hand and blindly mussed her hair about. "Naaaaah. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, but I still think you shouldn't be afraid of trying something you've never tried before. Nothing wrong with trying something and finding out you don't like it. I know Mom gets into our head. Wants us to really commit ourselves. But you know, Bel, you don't need to do that." As he looked back up to her, he flashed her a smile she could only think of as handsome. Supportive.

"Try a little bit of everything, eh? And make sure whatever it is you do, you like. And if you don't like it, stop doing it. Life's too short to do something you don't enjoy."

She didn't say anything initially, though her expression softened undeniably in the face of such reassurance. Their parents didn't seem to be as understanding, but she thought if her brother could be, maybe she didn't need anyone else to echo him. Maybe carrying a bow and lingering after him wouldn't be the worst thing ever. With a hand in his hair that was so much like her own, sunny on a clear day, Belidrae gently tugged.

"Got it!" she agreed with a bright smile. "I don't want to go home yet. Take me to where you meet up with the others and show me how to use your bow!"

(Thank you, @safrona-shadowsun!)

[kimmi-iii]

Drama Club || Chapter I

inspired by @viperrot high school sweethearts stories (like, heavily inspired) but it is set in the modern days.

Woah, my first actual story (that will take me forever to update because I have like, no motivation) so I hope y'all like it :3

This is a Leon Kennedy x fem!reader. <3

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"You're saying you don't know him?!"

You're not really sure what's happening. Yesterday, it was a normal day at school. But today? The school suddenly gets a new student. The hallway was still crowded, as usual, but everyone was whispering and gossiping about the new student. From what you've heard, his name is Leon Kennedy. Tall, fair skin, and blonde hair. He also happened to be the best lacrosse player for your rivaling school. Well, used to be.

Today was supposed to be when he finally arrived at the school and everyone, even your best friends, had been waiting for him with anticipation. Except for you. You never really kept up with school news or gossip, mostly too focused on drama club and such. You were always a theater kid, hoping to be a star, even if you've never really talked with many people and are probably not even that well-known. You were hoping that you would finally get a lead role this year.

Your friends, Claire, and Ophelia, have been pretty interested in who Leon is. But, you honestly don't know much about him to even be super excited about it. Though, it would be lying if you said you didn't care about it.

"Do you guy think he'd be hot? Leon is a name definitely fitting for a hot guy!" Ophelia twirled her hair at the thought of how Leon may look. Ophelia is a very interesting girl. Her tan skin and long black hair really make her green eyes stand out. She's one of those girls who can never really stick with a crush and always ends up having a new crush every week somehow. But even with her commitment issues, her caring and bubbly personality makes up for it.

"Why does looks matter so much? I'm just hoping he's not a total asshole like most athletes." Claire stated. She's an amazing girl. She's kind, yet strong. She's not easy to manipulate and get to her, even if she is nice. She knows when it's needed to confront someone and isn't afraid to cause a bit of a scene sometimes. She's also very observant, which is a huge benefit if you're her friend.

They then both turned to you, waiting for your own opinion. "Oh me? I'm not really that excited. Yeah sure, big time new student since he's from our rival school and is their best lacrosse player, but I'm not that interested in athletes," You respond, placing a hand on your hip. "Besides, last time I dated one, he turned out to be a jerk and dumped me for Ada," You let out a scoff. "The woman wasn't even interested, but she just had to charm him so she could get her friends invited to a party."

"Yeah…fair point." Ophelia rubbed her neck and averted her gaze.

"It's why I said I hope he's not a jerk." Claire said, chuckling lightly.

Then, suddenly everyone's head was turned towards the front of the school. A tall, blonde male was seen walking through. "OMG! There he is!" Ophelia whispered, her fingers twirling her hair.

He was honestly more attractive than you thought. His beautiful blue eyes, dirty blonde hair, and absolutely beautiful, muscular structure. You couldn't help but stare. As he walked down the hall, he seemed to be looking at you and you were about to wave until he walked right past you. Then you realized he wasn't looking at you…

But rather at Ada Wong, who was right behind you.

Oh god, you felt so embarrassed. You then felt a hand on your shoulder. It was Ashley Graham, the Raccoon City mayor's daughter. She was about a year younger than you, but she was sure as hell popular, being the mayor's daughter and all. "Don't worry, y/n, I'm sure you'll get his attention someday!" She gave you a smile and you smiled back. You're glad Ashley is a sweet and caring girl. Unlike Ada, who was pretty cold and only does whatever it takes to get what she needs, or wants. At least, you think she's cold.

You then looked back at Leon, who was chatting away with Ada. You felt a pang of jealousy, but brushed it off. If he was talking to Ada without a problem, then he had to be a jerk. Claire tapped your shoulder. "Saw ya starin'. Bet you think he's cute, huh?" She snickered and you sighed.

"Observant as always."

"At least he's a Junior like us! He's not some weirdo senior hittin' on younger grades." Ophelia jokes, hoping to lighten the mood even more.

The bell suddenly rang and you all rushed off to your classes. As you entered, you noticed Leon had taken a seat next to yours "Wow, of course he had to be in my class." You thought to yourself and sat down in your seat.

As you sat in class, you paid attention to the teacher and their lectures. You rhythmically tapped your foot as you occasionally glanced to your right, admiring Leon. You've gotta admit, you were probably no different than any other girl in the entire school. There was no doubt that he was in fact handsome, or maybe pretty was a better word. Well, either way, he was dashing. How his long dirty blonde hair fell over one of his eyes and his cerulean eyes as they followed the teacher's movement.

It was nearing the end of class and you started packing up your things. When you stood up, you accidentally bumped your head with someone. "Crap, I'm so so sorry-" You looked up to see who you bumped into and guess who it was.

Leon Kennedy.

You couldn't help but feel a rush of embarrassment. And what's even worse is that your notebook had dropped from your hands and was opened to a page with a doodle of Leon you had drawn while in class. Leon looked down at you with a stupidly charming smile. "Don't worry about it, y/n." He responded, saying your name.

He said your name.

He knows you.

You sheepishly smiled back. God, you probably had a little crush on him, you couldn't deny that. You were probably no different from every other girl, crushing on the hot new guy. While you were in a bit of a daze, you didn't notice Leon pick up your notebook before he spoke up.

"Nice drawings. Can I keep 'em?"

[midnightnvggets]

people always say that this will get easier with time. what if i don’t want it to? i have to ask, have you been reading this blog? keeping occasional tabs on it to see how i’ve been doing? is it wishful thinking to hope you have been, that some small part of you still cares about me enough to worry the slightest bit? i’d settle for morbid curiosity, or vague disgust. i just want the honor of being able to rest in a corner of your brain. i’m happy for you, genuinely. i just wish i could still share my life with you. so many things have happened since we last truly spoke, and i wasn’t lying when i said that nobody understands me the way you do. i’m moving away for college soon, and every part of me has been fighting not to reach out and make one last ditch effort to ask: come with me? we could start over, start fresh in a new city. my ache for you is stronger than my anger, stronger than my heartbreak, stronger than any bond i’ve created in the time before and since. i still find myself utterly devoted to you, and there appears to be nothing i can do to change that. i just hope that what you did with him while we were separate wasn’t a factor in your final choice, because i would have forgiven you without a doubt. i will always forgive you. i hope that one day you’ll allow me to prove that i can be forgiven, too. we fell together like puzzle pieces, completed each other in ways i’ve never felt before. i realize now that i have never felt as safe as i did next to you. i would give anything to return to your side, to provide for you that same comfort and safety. my mom tells a story of how, when she was younger, she fell in love with a guy who she really truly loved. she was too afraid of commitment, and hurt him badly, and realized too late that he was the one she wanted to share her future with. she speaks of him as one of her greatest regrets. i don’t want you to be my greatest regret. i’ve been working on myself to be a healthier, happier person. it’s been working. i found a specialist who was able to identify and diagnose my dissociation, and we’ve made progress! and we’ve isolated the reasoning behind my romantic avoidance, and we’re actively addressing that trauma in sessions now. i’m getting better. i want nothing more than to show you. i used to wonder if i was capable of really actually loving someone, or if i was only able to feel bpd-based obsession. my feelings for you have proven that i can love, and i can delight and revel in the feeling. i love you more than i’ve ever loved before, and i simmer with it. it is all consuming, but in a slow, steady, warm way unlike the way i’ve felt with others. you are the sun. if you do happen to be reading this, please. if any small part of you misses me at all, please call me or text me or reach out in any way. i love you. i miss you. my arms ache to hold you, my heart aches to beat in time with yours. my offer still stands, and my number won’t change. i love you, jack. always and forever, more than anything.

[tybysis]

3:27 pm

Hey Ty! 

I haven’t written in a while, but I told Kitty to journal, so I will too! 

It’s been about a year or so it’s time for some big catch up. Oh boy. 

So, firstly what I will mention is that I was right - I did not do Light Brigade this season. I was on and off about it, but then Jahleel died. Jiggy was my cousin, the one born less than a year before me. He was… a big part of a lot of my childhood memories, but we grew apart. He went into the military as almost all my cousins did, and I stopped seeing him. We used to always meet up at my grandma’s place when we were younger, spent whole summers there just hanging out, but once we hit high school that just stopped happening. I remember getting updates through mom-mom - Jahleel got a girlfriend, he knocked his girlfriend up, he was in the military, he was overseas, he got a new girlfriend, he got married, etc - but I only talked to him after high school once - my grandpa’s funeral because he was overseas and someone handed me the phone while he was being facetimed. Me, being me, was awkward as hell. I didn’t want to be handed no damn phone, but I was. I asked how he was, and he said “...it’s rough out here. But how are you?” and I said “good” and then I handed the phone off to someone else who wanted it. I think about that a lot. 

In September, just as I got to a Light Brigade spin camp, Auntie Val called me in tears and told me that they found Jahleel’s body. I was so completely caught off guard. I parked the car and just kind of was like… okay. She just wanted to make sure I didn’t get blindsided by the news, she wanted to make sure someone told me, and then she hung up. Auntie Val is not Jahleel’s ma, that’s Auntie Corine, but clearly she was not in any state to be making calls. 

Now, I got no more details. I went to the spin camp, but it felt… off. I thought about how many things I’ve missed because of guard, how many baby showers, birthday parties, weddings, things I was invited to but had prior commitments to Light Brigade, for EIGHT YEARS, it sort of all cumulated. Plus, because I explained that there was a family emergency and that I’d be keeping my phone on me to Ms. Shiela, some random bitch sat where I always sit. Just to the left of Nelly in the middle. And when I was like “hey, that’s where I sit” she was just like “Well, Nelly said I could sit here, so.” And I was just like “...okay.” and sat further into the corner. 

Stacey was also there, and she was revealed to be the dance instructor for the season. I… abhor Stacey. I’ve never really liked her, and apparently it showed on my face whenever she opened her mouth because Jeff kept being like “Kay your FACE” under his breath. 

Then, they changed an across the floor I had memorized and I was just like… no. No. I can’t be here anymore. And I told Ms. Shiela and went home. I tried to call my Auntie Corine during the ride home, because I was afraid she was alone, but it turns out she was with his family. Which is good. But I was so concerned that she was alone in D.C. and wanted to make sure someone was taking care of her. 

At that time, I was still working as an insurance agent, which was a rough job if there ever was one. On top of the emotional drag of working at a call center, the job was very involved, and while I loved helping people, and I loved my clients, it was too much for me. I didn’t even notice how bad it got until Josh told me that maybe what I should do is take FMLA leave for a few months since I had short term disability insurance anyway. 

…So, I lived through the rest of that week somehow. Shalonda texted me to make sure I knew and I was like “...yeah, but I got no details” so we made a time to talk after we were both off work. Shalonda explained that she didn’t know what triggered him or anything, but he went out with his friends and they were drinking, then he got home, sat in his car in the garage, and shot himself with his service pistol. 

Me: …Oh. 

Shalonda: …yeah… that’s what our cousin decided to do. So, the question we are all asking each other is… are you GOOD? 

This made me laugh. Shalonda got me the details and mom and I went to the funeral together. We got a hotel down in Virginia and went to the service, I drove the whole time. I do not do viewings as a rule - never have, never will - and so we were a little late to the service, (Shalonda texted me “not going was a good call cause it is SAD in here”) but we got there in time to hear Shalonda read the eulogy. She broke down by the end. Luckily Malcolm - her husband - was there and helped her off stage. We sat in the back. By the time the service was over - and they did a 21 gun salute, which was AWFUL by the way, because of how he died - I was ready to leave. Dad didn’t go, because he does not do funerals. Afterward, I was just thinking about how all my aunts look so much older, how I didn’t recognize my cousins’ kids, how I’d never met ANY of Jahleel’s. Right after the service everyone saw me and we hugged. Lil Mark - the eldest cousin - found me first, said he was so happy to see me, and wrapped me in a hug. He hugged me for a while. I didn’t let go until he did. As the cousin who usually lived furthest from everyone, it was nice, but I felt a bit awkward, even though I knew he needed it. Not awkward as in uncomfortable - I would let any of my cousins hug me for hours - but more that I didn’t know what to do but hold him in that moment, when to let go, or anything, but in the end it was alright. Because being with my family is a safe space. 

Sugar, Jahleel’s lil sister, the youngest cousin, hugged me and said only “We shouldn’t be meeting again like this, man.” and she’s right. From what I can tell, Sugar usually is. This is around when I started getting imposter syndrome. I stayed quiet, but off my phone, drove from the service to the reception, or whatever it’s called for funerals, and helped set up the room. Once that was done there was still so much time left, so I sat down at a table with mom. Lil Mark came and sat across the table from me. I was having trouble talking - I went nonverbal a bit since the service, understandably - but mom picked up my end of the conversation for me. She told him how I was driving now, and that I’d driven all the way down there. Lil Mark was so surprised! Because I am notoriously nervous about driving - I didn’t get my license until uh… almost a year now, with a year of driving on my permit first. 

Lil Mark went on to talk about how his eldest kid is 18 now, which is CRAZY, and showed me pictures. A bit later, it was time for everyone to get up and tell stories about Jahleel. The imposter syndrome kicked into overdrive then. I started to feel like I knew NOTHING about Jah. They told so many stories about him, how he was always happy, always had a laugh, always was trying to make sure everyone was comfortable, was a light in everyone’s life, how he was a ladies man, and I just… didn’t have any stories like that. Mom went up last, and told stories from when Jiggy and I were younger, about how when he was a lil guy and I was still in her stomach, Jiggy sat on her lap and I moved and touched him, and he was confused, and then he never sat on her lap again even after I was born. She told about how when we were younger, we had met one of mom-mom’s boyfriend - Mr. Moe - and that we waited until mom-mom had gone into the kitchen to demand Mr. Moe tell us what his intentions with our grandmother was. How we ganged up and demanded he treat our grandmother right while her back was turned. Those at least made me feel better, because for the rest of the stories, I just hadn’t been there. 

I was just kind of sitting there, even as people got food and stuff, but then Shalonda came over and hugged me and she asked me “Are you okay?” and I completely broke down. I cried like a baby, clung to her and sobbed. Like, that was my cousin too, even though I didn’t know him much when we were older. That was still my family. That was still my Jiggy. And Shalonda held me, and then Lil Mark came over, and then so did Tamikah. All my older cousins surrounded me and gave me a big group hug until I could breathe and nod that I was okay. I heard my aunts saying quietly that “It hadn’t hit her yet.” as my cousins hugged me. And, honestly? I think that hug may have saved my life. I’m so serious. I knew that I was safe, that I was surrounded by people who loved me and understood what I was feeling, that they all loved me, and that they would always love me, because they’re my family. 

After the funeral, I went home and went back to work. It sucked. This is when Josh mentioned FMLA leave, because I was not coping well. So I went on leave in October for three months, and used it to try and regulate myself and cope. Spent the first month just kind of laying there, and then just kind of got through the grief. Shalonda checked on me some, and we also you know, started texting and stuff, but then January came around and my Auntie Val got married. She invited me to the wedding, so I of course went. I got a plane ticket to Florida and went to spend time there. 

…other things happened during my leave. Before I went on leave I broke up with Josh. That was a long time coming. He was not being a good friend, or much of a friend at all, and always put me not even second or third. So, instead I said we’d break up until he could prove we could rebuild our friendship. That was in September. He did not get better. 

Over leave he did take care of me while I was grieving, and as it was his idea for me to go on leave, I will forever be thankful for that, but he just was not a good S/O, roommate, or friend to me. He was inconsiderate in a lot of small ways that made me feel bad, and the way he did not… I don’t really even want to get into it, Ty. The example I always give is that even after 5 years he still came home with food just for himself without asking me if I’d eaten, and would eat it in front of me at MY desk. Like, that is enough for all my cousins to be like “he WHAT” and that’s the summary of it all. 

Kitty came up to take care of me in January, because we were both not working, and she just laid with me and helped me survive. It was really nice. I started to feel not only loved, but actually taken care of and cherished. That is the real reason I thought I could go back to work, because Kitty made me feel safe and happy enough to get back to some semblance of normal. When Kitty left, I went to Auntie’s funeral, and it was great! 

Down in Florida I spent time with my cousins. It was awkward at first, because I didn’t really know what to do or how to be a person that would be accepted, but eventually I just had to realize that the person they wanted me to be… was ME. Like, they weren’t trying to fit me in any box, they just were happy I was there. Because again, I was the cousin that spent a lot of time at Mom-mom’s when she was in Jersey, but once she moved to Florida, no one saw me. The same is true for everyone else, though. I talked about it with Lil Mark (who did not go to the wedding, by the way) at the funeral, about how I just thought that he and Tamikah, since they lived in the same town, and his parents - my auntie Cheryl and uncle Mark - would see each other all the time, and I just didn’t get any invites. Lil Mark was adamant that that was NOT TRUE, the family just hadn’t done ANYTHING since COVID except for the random Thanksgiving that I ended up not going to at Auntie Val’s last year. Everyone felt that everyone else was spending time together, but that just wasn’t true. And we wish we had thought about it earlier, because if we had, maybe Jiggy would still be alive.

But, anyway. The wedding was a lot of fun. I got to meet my cousins’ kids, as well as Cece, a cousin I didn’t actually know I had, but was the baby mama Jahleel had that I mentioned earlier. 

Cece is really cool, she also was in the service - I am from a military family whether I like it or not - and she has a boy named Cayson. Cayson is a sweetie pie, and he is really into dinosaurs. Auntie Corine and Sugar were really good grandma/auntie to him, and he was really kind. 

Tamikah and John Marshall have three kids, Eva, who is like, out of high school now I think? Idk. She was one who I was kind of awkward with because I didn’t want her to think I was judging her or anything and I am just quiet in general. Next is John Marshall Jr, who they call Shink. Shink is a ball of energy, and he can talk about ANYTHING. I love Shink, okay. I love everything he talks about. He told me about how his favorite number is 18, how he wants to play professional football, how his best friend at school put up his middle finger and so John Marshall did too, because he didn’t know what it meant, but now that he knows, he won’t do it anymore. Big John Marshall and Tamikah were tired of him talking because he’ll just talk and talk and talk, but I thought it was delightful. 

Lastly, they have Reign, who is still very very small. She is running around, but still wearing the shoes that slip on easy, if that makes sense. She is a precious lil one, and a happy happy baby. I got to put her in her carseat a few times and carried her around, while talking to Lil JMo and Cayson. They were just so energetic and it was great to watch them just love each other and play around. 

Shalonda also has a baby, his name is…. uhhhhh

[f-blog-2120]

Rage

            I am struggling to put this feeling into words. How am I supposed to fit all of these emotions into one expression, when “Fuck you” is miles away from describing what I wish to release or combust. I know “combust” is a weird choice of word to use in this context, but that is what is best to describe what I would be the most likely to do, just explode.

            I was made to not be angry. Anger was the last thing to be expected from me. You know one of those people whom are hard to imagine them got upset or even slightly showed signs of being mad at something. I was or maybe still am one of those people.  I unknowingly constantly made the effort to not be angry. I tried so hard that it became my nature. Eventually, I find myself not knowing how to be mad or express anger. It was not until almost 20 years into my life that the consequences of this self-made nature finally hit me. Once I really took time to analyze the reason behind my action, I found the most possible reason. I avoid anger like a plague because I know how terrible it is to be on the receiving end of that. It is a fucking depressing information, to be honest. To think that I was so afraid of ever becoming the “thing” that made someone experience the worst feeling of all, that I unconsciously conditioned myself to cut off that emotion out of my system. Even I had to admit that that is sad as hell.

            That is no longer the case apparently, because good news or maybe bad news, I am finally relearning to be angry again, and rightfully so. What I am facing with right now is actually more worthy to be responded with “rage” more than just anger. However, I am still new to this so give me a fucking break. To sum things up, my toxic father, who always points out the worst part of me and constantly reminds me of all my failures even the smallest mistake, finally fucked up, almost knocked up a stray bitch who is younger than me by a month, and is delusional enough to expect me to act as if nothing happened and move on with life. “What the fuck” would be the right response to that.

Now, let me add more details to make this fuckery even more infuriating. Leading to that fuck up, my father had been extra insufferable for months. Even me and the others in the family who had been a fucking saint towards his actions for years almost lost it. He would spout the most hurtful words imaginable in response to the microscopic things that he found to be not to his liking, which apparently was everything. No one in their right mind would willingly want to be around this kind of asshole, so we all responded reasonably by avoiding him at all costs. This somehow made him feel justified to go fuck around as I quoted “I have been working my ass off like a slave for 20 years and this is what I got.”, a textbook example of gaslighting. We all knew of this shit that he had been up to and like a good family member that we were, had warned him several times of the possible danger of his action. He never listened though because apparently no one other than him is allowed to be right about something.

Soon, on the exact day that my mother and I left for our escape trip which he even offered to drop us off at the airport, he chose to commit the most disgusting thing. Right after dropping us off, he went to the side chick and tried for babies. I describe that as try for baby because he was unsurprisingly stupid enough to think that he was old enough for the sperms to not work so it should be safe to go raw. After that maybe due to his small ounce of guilty conscience, he tried to cut her off, and surprise, surprise, the bitch said she was pregnant. What not so surprising considering the level of intelligence we are dealing with, he fucking believed it and set up a whole future plan for the unborn or even non-existent child. He, with the otherworldly logic decided to be, and I quote, “considerate enough” to consult my mom about the mistress’ child and the possibility of living together as two families. Again, What the fuck. He also told my mom to not let the children know about this as if there was even still respect left enough to be protected to begin with. He must be delusional because my room is right next to theirs and I heard every. Fucking. Thing. My mother, the smartest and strongest woman that I know, offered him 2 choices, “either her or me”. She knew her worth and had backup plans which to be honest sounds like an actual realistic dream, to split the asset and let us all be free.

The thing is, my father favorite insult is that we are nothing without him, that we are all stupid, brainless, and a failure who is fortunate enough to be saved by the greatest being of all, himself. The backup plans my mother came up with would finally make him see how wrong he actually was, how he was actually just an insecure little bitch who cannot bear seeing anyone succeed beyond him, or else his skyscraper-height ego would be crumbling down instantly. You see, realistically speaking, me and the others are smart as fuck. I am not assuming things. This is a fact. There is evidence to back this up. My mother is one of the few in her class to accomplish second-honor degree in dentistry while also being one of the youngest as she started university one year earlier because she was that smart. I, myself, have always been referred to as the smart one, the good student, and anything related to that. I am a straight-A student, always the group leader, and excel in all the tasks given to me. You might be thinking, this only proves that you are book smart but maybe you are a fool on the street. Wrong. I can confidently say that my mother excellent organizational skills amount to more than half of the wealth of my family. What is even more impressive is that she manages to multitask between taking care of her 5 children, all the household-related stuff, and all the finance and business parts and excelled in all of those aspects. She is a fucking impressive human being. As for myself, while I was keeping up my good grades, I worked as both a tutor and translator to find experience, make money, and improve my skills that will be beneficial for future careers. In my senior year, I got a job before I even graduated as a result of my hard work which I have to remind myself of that due to my unbelievingly low self-esteem from living with someone who constantly reminds me that I am not enough. Even more than that, I decided to make the drastic decision to jump to a different field and take care of the family business and learn all the essential skills to take care of a whole fucking dorm and keep the business running, all in less than a year. I might sound like a fucking narcissist right now but trust me, I am far from that. I am just trying my best to rebuild my self-esteem and this is what I need, an extreme approach to reassure myself that I am enough.

If that backup plan really played out the way I thought it would, he would finally suffer the consequences of his actions, which up until now is something that he never experienced. I did have a thought that maybe it was us who was enabling him and made him this cocky, but our responses to his actions are just us trying to survive, and it is not our job to stop someone from being an asshole. As if his actions were not fucked up enough, he would always do more by acting as if those actions had no weight at all. He would be yelling profanities and calling us dumb as fuck, and continue to talk about normal things right after. This infuriates me because there is no place on earth where this would be fair. I know shit like this does happen all the time. The abuser feels no remorse and the victim was left with the emotional baggage and scars that will remain forever. Still, you cannot deny that this is fucked up. I was so bothered by this that I came up with a plan to unalive myself and left a vengeance letter or recording to be read or played at my funeral just so that he would finally get what he deserved and I would finally find peace. This plan is still valid, and I am keeping it somewhere in my brain shelves.

            Another dream-come-true aspect of the backup plan is that I would finally have a chance to make decisions by myself and explore my full potential. Even the most brilliant diamond would break from working with someone who always undermines others’ hard work and takes all the credit while blaming others for all the failures. You would not believe how mentally tiring it is to work with someone who makes you feel like you are constantly walking on an eggshell or landmine waiting to explode and break you down again and again. At first, I did question why I was not as enthusiastic as I should be, working on this newly established business, but then I realized that I was just tired, emotionally exhausted. There is not a single day that I would wake up without being anxious. Also, how the fuck am I supposed to feel even an ounce of a sense of ownership when all my work was not recognized at all and be reminded all the time that all the success was from his doings, not mine. I hate that words affect our brain this much.

            Back to the fuckery, my mother also suggested an abortion but like other brainless men that my father is, he shot that option down while accusing my mother of being a heartless person who would force him to commit such a sinful thing. Apparently, adultery is not sinful at all in his little brain. He then brought up that the child would be born in the year of dragon which would enhance his fortune. Enhance my ass. Imagine thinking that choosing to start a family with a jobless gold digger who is barely over 20 years old would bring you luck and prosperity. The only things that you will get are fucked and bankruptcy, which well-deserved of course. After that, just to be sure, he was made to bring the bitch to the clinic for a more-serious pregnancy test. As if he had not hurt my mother enough, he brought the bitch to the hospital where my mother used to work at and where me and my other 4 siblings were born. Again, What the fuck.

            In the end, she was not pregnant. What a surprise. I know. So now what? You may ask. As I mentioned, my father told my mom not to tell the kids, so right now, he somehow deluded himself to think that that was what happened and act as if we are totally oblivious to his fuck up. I fucking hate the way that he expects me to act that way because what the fuck. Is he not the person who unreasonably blows up to even my smallest slipups? So why the fuck can I not reasonably blow the fuck up to this huge fuck up? I am fuming, to say the least. I want to scream at his face every time he says anything to me at all. Before, I did have something that held me back from letting loose and just exploding, but now that the last straw has been broken, I do not know if I can hold back that much longer. I feel disgusted and the thought of having to continue living with “it” makes me sick to my stomach.

[grievedeeply]

YOUR REQUESTS ARE OPEN !!! could i please ask for some headcanons of Thor with a daughter whos way younger than Magni and Modi and shes just ,, a total daddies girl, she follows him everywhere, mimics him in everything he does, shes just his biggest fan lol !

i know this was sent in forever ago and i'm so sorry it took me forever to get around to... but i hope you enjoy this anyway..... reader is pictured as a child between 7-9 but it kinda jumps around a little

fem!reader (no pronouns used) | no tws

NEW TAGLIST!!

thor with a daughter who adores him headcanons

you are his absolute pride and joy. he is horrible at expressing his feelings in every way imaginable, but it's so obvious to everyone around him that he cherishes you so very much

you're actually his mini-me, and he's so proud of that. he doesn't think of himself as a good person to look up to in any sense, but you do, and he'd be lying if he said it didn't make his heart swell

you're so young, so innocent and kind.. but all you seem to want to do is be exactly like him. despite all of the atrocities he's committed, things he hopes you'll never find out about.. you want to be just like him

he hopes you don't find out about everything he's done. he wants you to look up to him in this way for the rest of his life. he takes it and holds onto it tight, the feeling in his heart and the warmth in his soul.. it feels so good to be loved

you have no way of knowing how much he appreciates you. you're just a child, but you show him more love than he feels he deserves. walking up to his legs, wrapping him in such a tiny hug.. he needs it. he needs to feel how you make him feel

his relationship with you definitely makes him reflect on how he needs to be better for magni, modi and thrúd as well

definitely denies having a favorite child, but everyone with common sense can EASILY tell it's you. you're never not by his side and he always gets so giddy whenever he's with you

your existence makes him better. he never thought that one person could change everything about him, but that's just the truth with you. you inspire him and you are what he fights for

he doesn't ever want you to be afraid of him, but when you get old enough to question what he's done.. he's take a really mature approach to that whole conversation. he doesn't want to lie to you, and he won't, ever. but he still wishes you never knew. he knows it'll change your view of him

back to happier things

piggy back rides— definitely a big thing for him. it's so special to him to just be able to spend time with you, and he wonders how he was able to get this lucky with you at all

your protector. having the god of thunder as your father means you have constant security— but it's only because he cares so much about you he can't bear to think of you getting hurt— so he keeps you safe himself

this need to protect you only increases at the deaths of his sons. he's terrified for your future but he tries not to think about it

you're his biggest fan, always rooting for him no matter what. you are what makes him realize he needs to stand up to his father. he isn't a punching bag, he isn't free labor, he's a real person and he deserves to be treated that way

and when you start developing powers of your own? he's over the moon, ready to train you in using those powers right from the beginning

overall, he becomes a better father and a better person through you and your outlook on the world. it's a very sweet, special thing to him <3

tags: @danielle-marie @kise-kae

[jeanbie]

i loved ur modern porco teen hcs !! can you please do a part 2?

MODERN! PORCO HEADCANONS #2 ★ masterlist.

⏤ some more pock headcanons for you ^^ think i'm running out of teenage headcanons, maybe next time i'll graduate him to uni level :P enjoy anyway! thank u for sending me this!! part one here!

porco really likes junji ito artwork and for christmas, annie didn’t know what to get him so she got him an art collection book of his stuff which kinda set him off

he really likes sci-fi books

constantly changes his music taste but he never downloads any music nor does he have any playlists - he just listens to whatever the day gives him through pre-made playlists and radios

he started liking his lifeguard job significantly more when he got promoted from baby pool duty to adult free swim (hot chicks)

but i think porco actually really likes kids, he likes how honest they are and how much fun they have with anything they have

he’s quite easily led by what he hears and reads online so eventually he made the commitment to just erase majority of his social medias - all he uses now are instagram, snapchat, bereal and he cut down on his reddit usage (congrats pock)

he hates reading the news

he’s still kinda pursuing design engineering (uni is just around the corner) but he’s still got that interest in aviation - he thinks he might look into aviation engineering or aerospace engineering or something like that

he can still handle his drinking quite well - zeke is older and says that’ll come in handy when pock goes to uni

he always picks the skin around his fingers when he feels anxious, which seems to be a lot these days

and he gets nervous rashes over his chest sometimes

he likes rock climbing and bouldering in his spare time, and took it up with reiner when he confessed he didn’t really wanna do it alone

he’s more of a dog person than a cat person and is that guy who always wants to sit with the dog at the party or wants to stroke the dog that’s walking across the road

thinks that burger king is better than kfc and will die on that hill (and he’s dying there alone)

always wishes he had a younger brother like zeke and eren

he loves eren a lot and likes to indulge in eren’s interests sometimes to try and imagine what it could have been like if his mom had pushed out a third one after porco

really wants tattoos but he gets bored of things too quickly and he thinks he’ll end up hating all of them

only types with two fingers on a keyboard (he’s so me)

likes jazzy, soul ballads 

one time, he thought he had a crush on pieck, and they danced together at prom and they discovered that porco is a pretty good dancer

wants his hair to look like john wick some day

he’s afraid of mice and rodents

wants to travel outside of his hometown for uni but is always afraid that one day he might not be close with his friends back home anymore and that makes him really sad

[wandaromanova]

Little Sister

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: one cuss word, minor BW spoilers

A/N: hello! i’d like to note that this takes place sometime before the events in the Black Widow movie! if you haven’t seen the movie yet, please skip over this story and come back later if you’d like! happy reading <3

anon requested: hiii i have a fluff request after seeing bw haha: could you do nat x fem reader where they're laying in bed snuggling, and r asks her about her family and nat tells her and r notices how cute she looks when she's talking about yelena and it's so soft and ahhhh

Summary: Natasha tells her girlfriend about a piece of her past that she never talks about; her sister.

Word Count: 2K

| masterlist | request rules/guidelines | wips |

please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work. reblogs, likes, and comments are always welcome. <3

Natasha Romanoff has lived a lot of lives. She has been through more than most.

Nat had been taken as an infant by an organization that trained little girls to become lethal assassins.

She was psychologically conditioned to become a killer, having taken more lives than she could count.

Eventually, Natasha had managed to break free from the cage she was forced into and was recruited as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent; it was a new start for her, an opportunity to compensate for the red in her ledger.

So, Natasha took her job seriously, saving as many people as she could, even more so when she became an Avenger; one of earth’s mightiest heroes.

Natasha found something in the team that she never really had before; a family. She found a home within the dysfunctional team she had been recruited into.

Not only did Natasha find a family within the Avengers; she also found the love of her life.

Natasha hadn’t even considered the possibility of ever finding love.

For starters, the Red Room had instilled the concept that love was nothing but a distraction; a liability.

She had been taught that love was for children and it was nothing but a weakness that needed to be avoided at all costs.

She was quite literally programmed to be emotionally closed off and to always have her guard up. Letting someone into her heart was a risk she didn’t want to take.

When Natasha gained her independence from the organization, she had to do a lot of self-discovering. She had never been able to be her own person, but now that she could, she quickly learned that she didn’t even know herself.

However, it was Natasha’s insecurities that truly turned her off from the entire idea of love.

How could any ever possibly love her? She thought she was a monster for the things she’d done. She has done the unspeakable since ever she was a child.

What if she wasn’t enough? What if her baggage was too much for someone else to carry? She didn’t want to be a burden. She didn’t want to have to protect someone, just to fail them like she had failed so many others.

Natasha was positive that no one would ever be crazy enough to love her.

Little did she know, she would end up finding someone crazy enough to do so; you.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

When the Avengers were formed, you were extremely nervous about it.

All of the files that you’ve read on your new teammates were unbelievable; they were all phenomenal in their own rights. A super-soldier, a god, a genius, a trained-spy.

You were a spy yourself, so you knew exactly who Natasha Romanoff was. She was a S.H.I.E.L.D legend, the best of the best.

You were more nervous about meeting her than anyone else. What if she judged you? What if she didn’t think you were good enough to be an agent, let alone an Avenger?

Not only was she your superior, but she was also your crush. Yeah, you’d never even met the woman before, but you were crushing on her hard.

She was drop-dead gorgeous, but also quite literally a deadly force. Natasha could easily take down anyone she wanted to, and honestly, you wanted to be one of those lucky people.

When you met Natasha for the first time, you were a flustered mess. The redhead found it amusing, how your cheeks turned a bright shade of red and you stumbled over your words as you praised her work.

Natasha never told you this, but she was immediately smitten the moment she laid eyes on you.

There was a kindness and positivity that just radiated off of you and it was extremely contagious.

You were this beaming ball of light that lit up the darkest parts of her soul.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You got to know Natasha extremely well while being on the team. From observing her closely and paying very close attention to her actions, you had managed to pick up on little things.

She didn’t put any creamer or sugar in her sugar; opting for strong, black coffee.

She was kind of a clean freak. If she saw something out of place, she would be quick to put it in the correct place or position.

When she was happy, she would let a small smirk cross her features. When she was annoyed, she would raise her eyebrows.

When she was stressed out or angry, three little creases would appear on her forehead as her eyebrows would knit together tightly; a subtle frown on her face.

Of course, when you began dating the redhead, you didn’t really have to survey her so closely anymore because she’d tell you things herself.

No matter the circumstances, Natasha would always come to you and rant about it. Whether it was about how shitty a mission went or how she beat Clint’s ass during training; you were the only person she wanted to tell.

Natasha had opened up to you, something she never did with anyone. She told you all about her past.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

You had some knowledge of Natasha’s previous life, considering it was in her files, but you didn’t realize just how horrible her childhood truly was.

The Red Room, the heavy weight of guilt that rests on her shoulders, the nightmares that forced her to relive the murders she committed, her time as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, and becoming an Avenger.

She’d go on and on about her road to redemption or ‘clearing the red out of her ledger.’

Natasha was terrified when she told you about her demons. She figured you were going to leave her the second she finished talking, waiting for you to get up and walk out the door, but you didn’t.

So, you completely caught her off guard when you pulled her into a bone-crushing hug, placing a soft kiss onto her temple, the redhead relaxing in your embrace.

“You’re the strongest person I know. It’s not your fault, you were forced and conditioned to do the things you did.”

Natasha focused on the sound of your voice and took in your words as you softly caressed her red locks with one hand.

“Baby, the amount of respect I have for you is immeasurable. I applaud you for turning your life around for the better. I’m so fucking proud of you.”

Your words had brought tears to Natasha’s eyes, which was a rare occurrence.

She was expecting you to run for the hills, but you chose to pull her closer instead.

In that moment, Natasha knew she never had to be afraid of love again.

You were the most understanding and accepting person she’d ever met.

You would never judge her for her worst mistakes; Natasha had found the one for her and she wasn’t ever going to let go.

•❅──────────────── ‎⧗ ────────────────❅•

Now, a few months later and a year into your relationship with the Russian, you were both lying in bed and cuddling.

You were both watching a movie when a particular scene came on. It was of a family gathering around a Christmas tree, children excitedly opening up presents with gleeful smiles across their faces.

“You know, my sister and I got to take pictures with a Christmas tree once.” Natasha spoke, her eyes fixated on the screen.

You looked up at her in shock. You didn’t know that Natasha had a sister. She told you that she didn’t even so much as know her parent’s names.

Natasha looked down and noticed your confused expression. She reached for the remote on the bedside table and paused the movie before returning her gaze to you.

“There was a mission I was assigned to in Ohio, as a kid. I was assigned to play the daughter of two other Russian spies, Alexei and Melina. It wasn’t just me though, there was a little girl who was assigned as my younger sister. Her name is Yelena.”

Natasha had a reminiscent, happy smile on her face as she recalled the brief period time of her childhood. She looked absolutely adorable as she rambled on about this part of her childhood.

“We took photoshoots of various holidays to make our family look more realistic. My favorite one was Christmas. Even though I knew they were just empty boxes, I wanted to rip open every single one.”

Natasha let out a small giggle at the thought. Even though she had a smile on her face, you could feel and hear the underlying tone of sadness in her voice.

“Yelena and I would spend hours outside, just playing together. Swinging on the swing-sets, looking up at the stars, bending over backward, and getting into a ridiculous competition to see who could hold the position the longest… I always let her win.”

You could see the fondness in her eyes, the longing. It warmed your heart that there was a small glimmer of light in Natasha’s past. There was at least a sliver of hope that she clung tightly onto throughout her time in the Red Room.

“After 3 years, the mission ended. Yelena and I were sent back to the Red Room and were torn apart from one another.

Natasha’s breathing grew heavier as she recalled the unfaithful day. The sight of her sister being taken, and not being able to do anything to help her; still haunted the redhead to this day.

“There were so many men with guns and armor, they literally ripped us away from each other. I was eleven and she was only six.”

Your heart sunk at your girlfriend’s words as her smile dropped. She tore her eyes away from yours as she blinked rapidly, fighting back tears, but failed. You reached your hand up to her cheek and wiped away the fallen droplets.

“I haven’t seen her since. I’d like to think that she found a way out and got a life of her own; a nice, happy life.”

Natasha placed her hand on top of yours before looking down at you once more. You sent her a soft smile when she let out a shaky breath.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I knew that the it was all fake, but it was still the best part of my childhood. It was real to me.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You nodded your head at her words. She took a brief pause, trying to regain her composure, before continuing.

“Even if we have no true relation to one another, and even if I haven’t seen her in years, she is still my little sister.”

Natasha finished off with a big gasp as sobs wracked her body. You sat up from her embrace and pulled her into your arms, just like you had many times before.

You rubbed her back soothingly as she cried into your shoulder, her tears hitting the exposed skin.

“She sounds amazing, baby. I’m really happy that you had some sort of happiness back then and I hope one day you get to see her again.”

You whispered and Natasha pulled away from the hug, still in your arms as her emerald eyes surrounded by a sea of red, a result of her crying.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“I doubt she’d even want to see me. I didn’t even try to find her. I’m a horrible sister! I-“

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

You immediately pressed your lips against hers, effectively getting the Russian to calm down. You broke the kiss when her breathing slowed.

“Honey, of course, she’d want to see you again. Like you said, you guys are sisters. I’m positive that it was just as real to her as it was to you.”

You reassured your girlfriend, her eyes a pool of worry and guilt. You rubbed your thumb against her waist, the material of your her hoodie beneath your touch.

“From what you’ve told me about the Red Room, it would’ve been impossible to find her. Stop beating yourself up over it. You’re the best, and I’m totally not biased or anything.”

Natasha let out a small chuckle at that and you smiled at her, wiping away the last of her tears. She collapsed into your hold further, shoving her face into the crook of your neck.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you so much.”

Natasha’s words came out muffled as her face pressed further into your skin.

“You never need to thank me for anything. I’ll always be here for you, Natty.”

You hugged her as tight as you possibly could, her cold skin meeting your warmth. Natasha let out a small sigh at the feeling.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

“Wherever you go, I go.”

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

───────── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──────────

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[ask-the-clergy-bc]

This ones REAL specific so feel free to skip but, How about the Papas with a new s/o who has become distant since getting together because they are afraid that with their previous lifestyle they will find a relationship suffocating and break up with them.

Nothing too oddly specific! I love writing about these things! Character depth and complicated situations are my favorite! <3

Papas With a Distant S/O That's Scared of Committed Relationships

Papa Nihil: Nihil has been in the exact situation you are worried about, and it cost him the then love of his life (Sister Imperator.) It's only through Lucifer's good graces she even speaks to him these days. He could tell something was bothering you by how distant you were. Nihil's first impression is that you are jealous that he is still close to Imperator- fair enough. He does tell you about what happened when he first chased her off. The consequences and self loathing he faced for not putting in the effort. Yes, cheap thrills are nice once in a while. But what is cut glass compared to the beauty of real gems? That gave you the courage to open up about your own feelings and past. He listens and you both start to work out a way to communicate better. Nihil won't hold you down, but he's not going to drop you because of one hiccup!

Papa I: Believe it or not, this is a common crisis among the members of the congregation. Lucifer brings freedom from traditional relationship expectations... but even freedom brings pain and confusion. He's admittedly a bit taken back that you have felt like this, but then again you haven't been as open about your past. Which was fine for him. Papa never pressures you to talk about it and knows you will come to him in time. However, noticing your sudden coldness will have him inquire about the whole situation. Papa is blunt but accommodating, wanting you to feel open not pressured. You are hesitant at first but it feels better when you finally decide to tell him about your past a few days later. It's still a lot to work through, but Papa is a patient partner.

Papa II: Completely understandable you feel this way, he just would prefer you not clam up on him. Papa is a man who prefers his partners be honest with him, but won't fault you for your reluctance in talking to him about it. He's been in your shoes many times, mostly in his younger party years. It's why he has only had a handful of SERIOUS relationships. He's no stranger to your past, as you both have run into each other in many unsavory circles. But he definitely won't judge you for what you have done. Papa just ask that if your desires take you away from wanting to commit to him you tell him. Communicate, tell him your fears so you can work together. He has no problem letting you go if you find you really ARE suffocated by monogamy. Papa wants nothing less than a serious partner to be on the same level he is. But he won't just back down without trying.

Papa III: Little do most know that Papa experiences the same crisis with every serious relationship he has attempted- all have ended in failures. He even has them with you, but has been surprised that this is the one that is... working out? On the inside he's waiting for everything to fall apart. Wondering how long it will be before he grows bored and restless, and seeks more stimuli away from you. How you will grow to hate him for it. And truthfully, the fact you have been pulling away makes him already accept that your relationship has run its course. It always does when people see the true side of their beloved 'Prince'. Imagine his surprise one day when you burst into tears because you know you've been treating him cold. The last thing he was expecting was for YOU to feel this way! It makes him go into a laughing fit before admitting... Beloved, he's JUST as terrified. But you both owe it to each other and yourselves to try and work through it... don't you?

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: He's not proud to admit, but his first reaction is to think that he did something wrong. Copia is a very private and guarded man who does not open his heart to serious relationships very often. So obviously, to him, he's the problem. Copia has battled feeling inadequate about himself for decades- even more so that he just came down from the high of being crowned Papa. To him it seems like you changed your mind now that you see past the glamour and fame, and are looking at the real him under the charisma. Copia is steeling himself for the break up any day, and he's not sure if he should try to fix it or let you go. When you finally come to him to say what is on your mind he is semi-relieved. You two have a LOT to talk about!

[akaashisupremacy]

New Beginnings

Summary: Having broken off your engagement for an arranged marriage with Gojo, your relationship is in shreds. Will you be able to find peace in each other again?

Notes: Gojo Satoru is good-looking, all powerful and beyond good at his job. I’ve always wanted to explore something he struggles with 

Gojo Satoru  x reader

Multi-fandom Masterlist || HQ Masterlist || Ao3 version

Genre: ANGST AND PINING, exes to friends to ??, commitment issues lol (wc: 1.3k) tw: mention of blood, infedelity-ish

“Sensei, why are we heading to the infirmary?”

Right after Gojo Satoru arrived at the den Itadori Yuuji was staying, Kiyotaka burst in and whispered something in his ear. Gojo’s eyes widened and he immediately set off with Yuuji tailing him.

“What happened to her?” Gojo exclaims.

The three arrive at the infirmary to see you writhing in pain and screaming in agony. There is dark red blood on your side. Gojo looks like someone had been clawing nails at a chalkboard. He hates to see you like this.

Kiyotaka looks for a healer. Yuuji goes to hide. Gojo tries to undo your makeshift bandages. You’re in a blur of pain.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The next thing you remember after your aborted mission is Gojo Satoru’s concerned eyes watching over you. You’re in the Jujutsu Tech infirmary. Your wound is still fresh as hell.

“She’s really beautiful, sensei.” Itadori Yuuji comments quietly from your bedside.

“She is.” Gojo agrees. Your eyes are closed, yet you sense his presence seated on a stool by your bed.

“Is she a former classmate?” Yuuji asks.

“Among other things. She used to be my fiancée too.”

Yuuji probably scrambles at his stance, “Your what????”

Gojo turns to him, “To be clear it wasn’t a love match. We were arranged to be married by our families by 21, but we broke it off.”

Whenever either of you say this, it always leaves more questions than answers.  

Your eyes flicker open. You wince as you try to sit up. Gojo immediately reaches out to aid you. Your hands swat him away.

“Welcome back?” He cheekily greets.

You sniff and look the other way. Why did he have to work here?

Beside him is a young student with pink hair. He must be Yuuji.

“Go get her something to eat from the kitchens.” he tells his student, “Something gentle on the stomach and nutritious enough to get her strength back.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Seeing Gojo Satoru is  a different kind of pain. You once thought you were to be married to this man. Because you knew it was your obligation to your family, you learned to love him.

You both enter Jujutsu Kaisen at 15, Gojo a year ahead. It was the most painful three years of your life. Gojo was a popular and inexorable flirt. His attention span for romances was short although he was never short on female attention.

He cared for you very much. He protected you, assured you and was one of your best friends, but you’ve come to accept that he could never love you romantically or be faithful. He just wasn’t interested.

It hurt you deeply of course. You had tried so hard to love him and he couldn’t do the same for you. Was something wrong with you?  You felt deficient. You took the blame onto yourself.

When you were about to graduate, you decided to take matters into your own hands.

“Gojo, I’m going back home this Sunday, probably for the last time.” you approached him while he sat on a stone bench. He had just come back from a mission.

“Any reason it sounds so dramatic?’ he raised a brow.

“I’m breaking off our engagement to my clan leader.”

Gojo was so taken aback he didn't know how to react. His mouth hung open.

“You don’t love me and I don’t think you can.” you sighed, looking away.

Gojo fiddled with his hands, “I do, just not romantically.”

It bothered you that he loved you like family. How could you be married to him if he couldn't see you as more than a friend?

“I don’t know why you haven’t come up with this idea yourself honestly.” you frowned. You can feel yourself glaring more intensely than you had wanted to project.

A gentle gust of wind blew by, ruffling the hairs on your head.

“I have,” he quietly admitted, “But I was afraid you’d take it personally and I was trying to find a way to spare you the anguish.”

You shook your head and kicked a pebble, “There’s nothing you can do to spare me.”

“I’ll go with you. If you do this alone, your clan will exile you. Maybe if they see that it’s mutual maybe they’ll be kinder.” he resolved. The arranged marriage was important because it solidified an alliance between your families. Breaking it off meant you were essentially having your own insurgency against your clan.

But they weren’t kinder. You were still exiled. It was hardly a surprise. At least you were relieved of the prospects of loveless marriage.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Can you not watch me eat?” You weakly snap at him.

"I can see you’re still pissed at me.” he acknowledges saintly.

You angrily stuck your spoon on your porridge with all the strength you could muster

“Every time I see you I’m reminded of how I failed to make you love me,” your voice is peeling with emotion, “And how my clan kicked me out because of it.”

Gojo opens his mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. Instead he nods understandingly. He goes to grab you more water.

“Every time I see you hurt like this, it reminds me how I fail at protecting you too.” he murmurs, “I know we’re no longer engaged, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m supposed to keep you from harm.”

He talks with his back away from you, as if you could see through him even without his eyes.

“You didn’t fail at anything,” he continues, “Things couldn’t work out between us because of me. I’ve long since known that I’m not into romantic relationships—at least not in the long term, monogamous way that leads to a wedding and a family. But if I could…I promise…it would be with you.”

“Maybe in a different life.” He adds, reigning in his emotion.

Your face softens at his words. You reach out to hold his hand and he holds you tenderly.

“I didn’t mean to cause you the pain that I have.” he whispers, his voice hoarse.

Tears fall down your eyes. You’ve always carried the blame on yourself. Hearing that from him lifts imaginable weight from your chest. You didn’t realize how badly you needed his apology.

He reaches into his pocket for a handkerchief and wipes away your tears.

“We’ve wasted so many years lost in our own pain.” you mumble back, looking away from him.

“We were too young to deal with the cards that we have been dealt then.” he replies, “You should be kinder to our younger selves.”

He lightly squeezes your hand and for a moment you’re both silent.

“Yeah, I guess I should.” you said with a small smile, “I wish we could press a reset button to start over.”

You hear footsteps entering the infirmary. Itadori Yuuji sees the two of you, hands still entangled in each other. He tries to walk back as if not having seen you.

You both pull away. Strangely you don’t feel embarrassed at all.

“Yuuji, go get a wheelchair. We’re taking our guest for a walk. It’s a beautiful day today.” he instructs, eyes still locked at you. Yuuji nods, glad to be sent away.

He turns to you grinning, “That kid was stunned at how beautiful you are. He told me so on the way back. He only likes Jennifer Lawrence so I guess you’re at par with her.”

You both chuckle and laugh.

“I’ve always wanted to be mistaken for a celebrity.”

“You’re more badass in real life though.” he tilts his head.

“You didn’t need him to get a wheelchair. I can try to walk.” you insist, pushing against the bed rails.

Gojo stands to help you, “The doctor clearly said you need to save your strength. You can walk when we get to the garden.”

“I can’t believe we’re bickering already.” you roll your eyes.

Gojo snorts. You crack a smile. He helps you swing your legs down the bed. Today you start anew, an attempt to reshape how your relationship should’ve been. Today, you finally get some new beginnings.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

General taglist: @itstheee-ha-chan @kaizumi@holaaaf@glxar@francxsca

Series Taglist: @kageyamakock 

Like this fic? Check out another Gojo fic here.

The rest of the series: Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8

Heyyy if you made it this far. Let me know your thoughts and if you’d like to see the next chapters 🥺 Writing this fic had me feeling so many typa ways hahahaha and I just need to share it with people. 

[demonslayedher]

The Sound Pillar past, I have heard that explore a bit in databook about being ninja.

Also what happened his sibling that still remain.

Also what there react

Combining info from the fanbooks and Chapters 80, 87, and 90 we get the following narrative of Uzui Tengen and his family, as complete as I could fill it in. It's always possible the anime version will expand and give us more, but here's what I've got in chronological format.

Uzui Tengen's father was the leader of their clan, one of a few ninja clans who lived in close community. Ninja were regularly sent on missions, but it is not clear what those missions were. Women and children were also expected to undergo strict training and go on missions, but women were primarily only valued as baby-makers, and it was common for one man to take multiple wives. The wives, at least in the Uzui case, were chosen upon agreements between families. (For more commentary on the unusual and cult-like nature of the Uzui ninja clan, please see this post.) In Chapter 80, Makio recalls how she never used to be afraid of dying because she was so brainwashed to believe her only value as a kunoichi (female ninja) was to put her life on the line in support of the strong male ninja. Tengen is the oldest of nine children. Of note, Fanbook #2 states that he has a mother and father from whom the nine children came, but as multiple wives is the norm in this village and Uzui was 15 when they were forced to fight each other, I think it's reasonable to assume many of them were half-siblings (even if all with one very busy wife, that would make the youngest one only around 7~9 years old or so, by my guess. But, it doesn't seem unreasonable in this clan that an 8-year-old would be expected to take part in this fight.)

Tengen had his three wives by the time he was 15. Since he is 23 when canon takes place and Hinatsuru (from a ninja clan second in rank to the Uzui clan and who has a good balance of core ninja skills) is 21, Makio (physically a highly capable ninja but her short temper causes her to fail her missions and yes, she is Tengen's cousin, please restrain your knee-jerk reactions and accept the cultural difference and move one) is 20, and Suma is 19 (and yes, Fanbook #2 said she likes both men and women), that means his wives were respectively 13, 12, and 11 when they fled the village. As Suma's younger sister was originally the one being considered as a bride, this means they were willing to marry off girls even younger than that. See this post for more commentary on multiple wives in the Taisho period, and as an added note, the legal age for women to marry in Taisho was 16. The Uzui ninja clan was entirely counter-cultural in the first place, though, so this doesn't apply very directly to them. Furthermore, due to their curse, the Ubuyashiki clan had very usually early expectations for children to wed, and they always run a not officially recognized organization. Otherwise, most of the cast seems to follow more usual Meiji/Taisho family patterns. Of the nine siblings, three of them died before Tengen turned 15, simply due to the lifestyle. When Tengen was 15 (clarified according to Fanbook #1), Tengen's father pit the remaining six siblings against each other so that only the strong would remain. They were all concealing their identities and did not know they were fighting their own siblings. According to Fanbook #2, Tengen killed two of them, and his younger brother (second oldest) killed another two, and Tengen was pissed when he realized what was happening. He couldn't bring himself to kill his remaining brother, though that brother was just like their father when it came to his values that only the strong should survive, and he really didn't care about killing his own flesh and blood. This was when Tengen decided he didn't want to live like this, and he took his wives and fled. For a while (according to Fanbook #2), he often said he should go to hell, but this made Makio angry, it made Hinatsuru cry, and it made Suma bite him so he stopped saying that. He did continue to think that he should eliminate the rest of this evil Uzui clan, but he could never bring himself to kill his father and little brother. (So, fanfic writers, grab your pens, we can assume the Uzui clan is still active.) Anyway, once he was free of that lifestyle where he had to constantly hide his presence, he thoroughly rebelled and embraced the flamboyant.

It's unclear when and how Tengen learning Breathing technique. It's possible there was knowledge of this technique in some form or another among the ninja (though his wives don't seem to display it), and it's also possible he learned from a cultivator. Sound is an off-shoot of Thunder, but it's unclear whether Sound was established before he came along, or if he created this Breath to make extra use of his keen hearing. (What I would give to see Tengen/Kuwajima interactions, preferably arguing about which Breath is superior.) It's unclear how much time passed between fleeing the clan and joining the Demon Slayer Corps. Given his ninja skills, as soon as he found out about the Corps (and perhaps by extension, demons), passing the Final Selection was probably a breeze for him. It was either right after the Final Selection (and therefore still waiting for his uniform), or just as he had made up his mind to join the Corp that he declares his new rule to his wives: their lives are #1 priority. #2 priority is morally upright humans, and #3 is Tengen himself.

And they're like, "whaaaaaaaat."

But sure enough they all accept the demon slaying mission, and before long, Tengen and his wives meet Oyakata-sama one fine spring day, I assume upon attaining the rank of Sound Pillar. Oyakata-sama sympathizes with how hard it must had been for Tengen--for all of them--to go against what they were raised to believe, and to fight to protect people in what they've deemed a morally upright course of life. Tengen's like, "this guy gets it" and becomes as big a fanboy as any other Pillar is for Oyakata-sama. It's purely conjecture, but I'm guessing he and Oyakata-sama both were somewhere around age 15~17 at this meeting (again, we don't know how much time has passed since Tengen left the ninja. Due to Kanae and Tengen's shared presence at later flashbacks, he couldn't had been older than 18~19). Tengen goes on to be super popular. The most popular Pillar in the Corp, Taisho Rumor has it. His wives all help on missions too, but there's an agreement that they'll get out and live a happy domestic life once they've bagged an Upper Moon--enough of a contribution to, perhaps, to feel they've atoned for the sins they committed as ninja (or at least, this was how Hinatsuru proposed the idea). Once the arm gets chopped and the eye gets cut, Tengen gains a really good excuse for retiring, but it was just his luck to have declared three Tsuguko within hours of his forced retirement. (Like, I doubt this counts for anything. And if he ever calls them that again his trio of Tsuguko are probably going to be more confused than anybody else.) Anyway, Nezuko brings him back from the brink of poison-induced death and he basically walks home. While still involved in the Corp in training the rank and file members and guarding Kiriya upon his becoming Oyakata-sama (meaning he, like Himejima, was trusted with knowledge in advance about Kagaya's very flamboyant exit plan). After that he truly goes into domestic retirement mode and makes friends with a fellow lop-sided former Pillar, however drab he always thought that person was. He takes enough of a liking to said former Pillar that he brings him along on co-ed hot spring dips and lets him hold his first child. Which of the three wives birthed the first child, we don't know. And then one of his descendants goes on to be a flamboyant gymnast, but still gathers once a year under Ubuyashiki's leadership to perform the Sound Breath forms as a sacred Kagura dance. And we still don't know what became of Tengen's brother. For all we know, modern gymnast Uzui Tenma and his six other siblings regularly avoid explosive attacks on their life from a generations-held promise to eliminate them. PARKOUR---but more flamboyant. (I hope it's obvious that I am being silly here and have no canon basis for this.)

[keepingupwithpotters]

come swim in my ocean

For @efkgirldetective ‘s second week of summer of jily 🌊🌊🌊 with some minor wolfstar thrown in there

swimming with friends + today we're younger than we're ever gonna be (✨vibes✨)

Lily didn’t think they would actually do it.

Sure, it was a fun concept to joke about with your friends, but that’s all it was supposed to be — a dare everybody laughs at but does not try to execute.

She tries to gauge whether it’s too late to chicken out without losing her dignity. She can hear clothes hitting the sand as they’re thrown over carelessly between laughter.

Welp. No turning back now.

She realizes her mistake when she’s the only one left standing with clothes on.

“Well, c’mon Evans. This was your brilliant plan.”

“A plan that made me reevaluate all my previous assessments of you. Who knew Evans had it in her?” She can’t see his face in the dark, but she knows Sirius just winked at her.

She pathetically tries one more time to bring them back from this terrible decision. “You know, I’m starting to think this isn’t such a good idea after all.”

“Ah, come off it Lily,” Marlene yells from… somewhere. “What? You can talk the talk but won’t strip for the walk?”

“It’s not the skinny-dipping part that’s the problem,” she insists unconvincingly, “it’s the night part. The water is probably freezing right now.”

“I’m happy to do this with you again in the morning, Evans.” She tries to resist the usual urge of looking at James when he talks. “But if that’s your only excuse, the water is just fine.”

Peter helpfully flicks some water to Lily to prove James’ point.

Damn it. The water is actually rather nice.

Feeling ganged up on, she sighs deeply to show her displeasure with the turn of events, and starts to work on her clothes quickly. She won’t give them the satisfaction of turning her back while doing it though or acknowledge Mary’s loud whoop – which she shouted in the wrong direction.

Finally out of her last piece of clothing, she grabs the closest hand she can find, and tugs on it once before running into the water.

The loud splashing they make alerts the others to their new location. One by one they come into the sea, sometimes with shrieks and sometimes with swears.

Her companion laughs when the last two dark figures dip into the water as well, it was Remus after all, and turns to her general direction. “I gotta hand it to you, Lily. You’re really committed to cause maximum damage to James’ brain.”

Before Lily can answer him, they are interrupted by Sirius’ loud bellowing, “Wherefore art thou, Moony? Tell that red headed wench it’s not nice to steal my boyfriend for herself.”

“Tell it to the wench yourself,” Lily shouts back before realizing her mistake. Now located by the others, loud splashes fill her ear from everywhere as they all swim to their direction. She makes an honorable attempt to escape with Remus before giving up, not feeling ready for a swimming race with five people on their tail.

James and Sirius are the first ones to reach them, because of course they are, and she leaves Remus to his boyfriend before Sirius starts yelling more Shakespeare quotes. She is just about to swim towards Mary and Marlene to meet them halfway when a hand on her ankle stops her.

“You’re not cruel enough to leave me alone with them when they are naked, are you Evans?”

“Hate to break it to you but I’m very much naked as well, Potter,” she grins cheekily.

“Oh, believe me, I’m aware of that.”

She curses the new moon once more for although providing a very nice opportunity to look at the stars, doesn’t let her see James’ expression.

She can hear the girls catching up to them slowly with Peter not far behind. “Let me save you then, Potter. Are you up for a little swimming?”

Not waiting for his answer, which she can only guess is an enthusiastic nod, she starts to swim away from the upcoming party, knowing he’ll follow.

They are careful not to go deeper, only sideways, until they leave their friends’ earshot. With an unspoken agreement they stop, Lily finally allowing herself to gaze at the sky. She assumes that’s what James is doing too until he interrupts her thoughts.

“I’d hoped it would be brighter.”

She doesn’t answer him, her silence prompting James to explain himself. “The starlight, I mean. Don’t get me wrong, it's beautiful, but it’s not the scenery I want to be looking at right now.”

“Yeah, it’s jarring not to see your face when you’re speaking. Who knows how idiotic you actually look right now?”

James takes her right hand without speaking, bringing it to the edge of his brow. She doesn’t understand what he’s doing until he passes it over the slight lines of his forehead – he's letting her feel his facial expression.

Emboldened by his explicit permission, she lets her fingers rake through the hairs that have stuck on his forehead with water, combing them back with care. She follows the line of his brows, paying special attention to smooth the furrow in between. Her fingers fall dawn to his nose next, and it feels like his breathing had stopped a long time ago. She lovingly touches the cheekbones, wiping drops of water from them slowly. Careful not to skip a line, she trails the arch until she reaches his jaw, feeling it tense and ripple beneath her hand. When her thumb finally touches his lips, she finds them slightly open, just like how she envisioned, and she swears neither of them are breathing in that moment.

But Lily doesn’t want to stop there. She didn’t get James naked to touch his face. She lowers her hand.

If he had stopped breathing before, he certainly starts back when he gasps as her hand passes over his neck. She adds her other hand to grip both of his shoulders, their feet touching every once in a while as they try to stay afloat by just kicking them back and forward. That’s when she realizes James is not using his arms either, standing stock still, afraid to move.

Feeling bolder than ever, she glides her hand until she reaches his, placing it somewhere above her waist, sliding it upwards to encourage him. He practically chokes.

She goes back to outlining his collarbones with her fingers, feeling him shiver underneath her. Or is that her shivering when he slightly caresses the skin over her ribs? She doesn’t know where she ends and he starts under the water.

Which is why she doesn’t react immediately when she feels something touching her foot. A head emerges out of the sea, causing both of them to splash apart. She doesn’t see who it is, but the devilish voice tells her it’s Mary soon enough.

“Oi, lovebirds, pack it up. We’re going back to the house, and we’re leaving no man behind.”

More splashing comes behind Mary, causing all heads to turn that way. “Peter and I lost the water fight, pulling the metaphorical short stick in a sense.”

Peter finally reaches them, and they wait for him to stop his wheezing. “Sirius wanted me to tell you that he and Remus have dibs on the shower first because they are a superior couple who can keep it in their pants while swimming with friends.” An uncomfortable beat. “His words.”

They swim back to the shore soon after that, but she can still hear James grumbling about what pants as they make good use of their time waiting for their turn to shower.