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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 11 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Absurdity)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Message from the Lan Clan

After dinner the Yunmeng bros go to talk to Jiang Fengmian in his study. They're quiet and respectful here, with no shoulder-shoving or arguing. This scene has such Brady Bunch energy, where Dad's Study is the Man Place where boys come to talk about Serious Things.

The boys tell Dad Jiang about the Yin Iron and he says yeah, I know. This is probably why he let them run off on their road trip without punishing them, but he could have, like, shared data with them so they might have actually achieved something related to the Yin Iron, rather than just wandering around the countryside bonding with Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang.

He shows them a letter from the Lans that basically says the Lan Clan is in the shit, and he tells them they've got to go to the Wen indoctrination because otherwise they will also be in the shit.

He gives the boys a warning about the Yin Iron, which is that

1. it can be refined and

2. if you refine it carefully, it will not control you.

Awesome tip, will definitely use, thanks pop.

(more behind the cut)

Jiang Cheng wants to argue about going to the Wen party, but Wei Wuxian vocally gets on board, not leaving any opportunity for whining.

Wei Wuxian is only sucking up a little bit in this scene. He obviously has a lot of affection for Jiang Fengmian, but WWX doesn't play up to his favoritism nearly as much as he could. Compare, for example, how he leans into Yanli's preferential treatment of him.

Fight Outside the Cold Cave

Over on the Gusu side of the country province township, the disciples have gathered outside the cold cave that previously none of them knew about, and Su She is freaking out.

Most of the acting in The Untamed is naturalistic, but then there are occasional characters who are portrayed with a much more theatrical, broad style. Su She's villainy is not given a lot of layers; he's playing a type, more than a person.

Many of the villains in The Untamed are played this way, but not all. Wen Zhuliu, for example, is a genuinely horrifying bad guy while also conveying depth and ambivalence--despite having hardly any lines. And JGY is a masterpiece of a performance. For Su She, the directors or the actor have opted for "sniveling backstabber" as a type, which is unfortunate, because it robs his final scenes of emotional impact.

Lan Qiren tells the disciples to get to safety. He rushes forward, gamely getting his ass kicked by human cuisinart Wen Xu. He's not as effective a warrior as either of his nephews but he's a brave S.O.B.

Hanguang Jun to the Rescue

Before things can go completely pear-shaped, Lan Wangji sails in with his guqin.

The Blue Steel technique of the Lan Clan

Like many gifted learners, Lan Wangji's musical abilities are more advanced than his social skills. Here he musically makes the ground literally explode, almost as if it had been specially rigged with incendiary charges.

Lan Wangji is very pretty when he's worried, and his affection and concern for his uncle is touching. He's 100% not interested, as we will see, in Lan Qiren's whole "lets all die for the future of the Lan Clan while my nephews hide" agenda. He's on his own agenda of smiting the wicked and protecting the weak.

Notice how Su She is standing right next to Lan Qiren here, even holding his arm? The next thing that Lan Qiren says is to tell all the disciples to keep up as they run into the cave. Somehow Su She totally does not keep up, and he gets caught outside along with a bunch of other disciples.

Giving Up

Wen Xu and his men kill most of the other caught disciples, and then threaten Su She, asking him how to get into the cave. In fear for his life, he tells them. Not cool, Su She, but possibly forgivable. Although when you voluntarily join a, you know, battle cult, physical courage is kind of an important qualifier.

But this shit here...

They didn't fucking ask about the books, douchebag.

Su She was there in Lan Qiren's house when the two heads of his clan knelt to each other, each claiming the right to be the one to stay behind and die. And he heard Lan Qiren say that the ancient books are the foundation of the clan and that only if LXC and the books survive, will the clan continue. By giving up both men, and pointing out the book situation, Su She has totally earned his expulsion.

Lan Wangji Takes a Stand

Lan Wangji decides, for the first but not last time, to openly defy his uncle...and it's got nothing to do with Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji is a hero, who follows the dictates of his conscience. His conscience is extremely filial and extremely orthodox, but he’s got a growing open-minded streak. This is going to cause a whole lot of conflicts for him over the next few years.

This time, however, he manages to skate out from under the whole disobedient, unfilial thing by citing Lan Yi's directive, which means Lan Qiren has to accept it because she's his predecessor and elder relative (She is probably not a literal ancestor, since she spent her life in a cave putting fucking headbands on fucking rabbits which probably didn’t leave time for having babies).

This is a pretty extraordinary moment for Lan Wangji and for Lan Qiren, because Lan Wangji just asserted his own form of authority to do the exact opposite of what Lan Qiren wanted, and Lan Qiren just sucked it up and let him.

It's also very different from western stories involving a holy McGuffin such as the Yin Iron. Lan Wangji's solution of "fuck it, just let the bad guys have it, it's not worth so many people dying for" is refreshing and surprising to me, a westerner raised on The One Ring, the Grail, the Death Star Plans, etc.

Lan Wangji steps out of the cave and uses a sword blast to save Su She, the ungrateful bastard, from getting stabbed by Wen Xu. Then he surrenders, and they break his leg to slow him down. This does not actually incapacitate him, because he is Lan Fucking Wangji, already a BAMF at like 17 years old. When they whack his leg, his chunk of Yin Iron falls out onto the ground.

That thing was in a magic bag of holding before. So...it just falls out when you whack him? If they whack him again will his guqin fall on the ground? What about candy?

Archery Practice at Lotus Pier

Meanwhile, back at Lotus Pier, the brothers are enjoying some quality time together before they head to the hostage-taking indoctrination.

Wei Wuxian is such a great cultivator that he can hit a distant target even when he jerks his bow upwards as he releases the arrow.

Jiang Cheng seems fairly pleased, and proud of his brother. He's competitive and fundamentally grumpy but not, at least here, a sore loser.

Club Ruohan

We go over to Da Club, where Wen Ruohan is yelling at Wen Qing for letting Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian go. He names them both, so they're becoming more and more known to their enemies. Which is not a good thing.

He menaces her with the zombie mosh crew, having them kill a dude in front of her and then saying her baby brother will be next in the circle of zombies if she tries any more stunts. Neither of them can imagine how much zombie ass her baby brother is going to kick, later in his (un)life.

Side note: What is up with WRH’s hair? Why bother pulling your hair up over your ears if you're going to leave an enormous curtain of it over your face? It's because he knows there's a wind machine next to his throne, isn’t it?

Leaving Lotus Pier

Jiang Cheng: when I ran off earlier in the year on my road trip you didn't pack a goddamn thing.

Wen Indoctrination

Is it even possible to stand next to this much active volcanic shit and not, uh, die? I live in the tornado part of the US so I don't know much about lava (yet. 2020 still has 2 months to go). But it seems like it would be hard to breathe the air. Also they appear to build houses on lava piles, which seems imprudent. I say that even as someone who plays The Elder Scrolls Online, which is full of lava towns and nonsense like “ash farming.”

Nie Huaisang is adorable at all times, but particularly here, when he's so happy to see his friend who *didn't* fuck his gege and then abandon him without an explanation.

Nie Huaisang: I'm so glad I can count on Wei-Xiong to be consistent and not vanish for months, or become a traumatized shell of his former self, or, like, horribly die.

Jin Zixuan isn't quite as happy to see Wei Wuxian.

Wen Chao enjoys the sound of his own voice way too much, and is malevolent and boring. On the plus side, he likes to stand with his hand stuck out in the air, which is fun for your resident photoshopper.

Nie Huaisang is so miserable every time he's holding a sword, or blade, or whichever we're supposed to call this. He's got his fan tucked into his belt, which is sweet. He is happy to give up his sword but don't you dare try to take his fan.

Meanwhile Wei Wuxian is worried about Lan Wangji, and Jiang Cheng isn't.

Lan Wangji shows up under guard, and takes his position at the front of the line, but without any extra disciples. The Wens let him change into snowy white robes after breaking his leg which will go well with arterial blood spray. He's focused and is determined not to interact with Wei Wuxian in this public context.

When I was little, I would sit near my best friend at church on Sunday, but not be allowed to talk to her until church was over, and it was exactly like this. She was good at churching and I was hyper and hated church. We are still best friends and these things are still true.

This interaction is like a thumbnail for the whole dynamic of these three boys: Lan Wangji outwardly ignoring Wei Wuxian while having many interior feelings about him; Wei Wuxian demanding attention and creating a bit of a scene, due to his very genuine caring; Jiang Cheng telling him to leave that boy alone for fuck's sake.

Lan Wangji: Stop trying to talk to me Wei Ying, I’m busy composing a song in my head about the two of us and our love for each other.

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #the untamed meta #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang cheng #lan qiren #su she #jiang fengmian #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #my gifs #the untamed spoilers

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qqueenofhades · 4 years

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hilary listen the old guards slayed me. I mean the plot the pacing the writing the acting?? the diversity that didn’t feel like lip service? tHAT ENDING??? Charlize Theron also knocked it out off the park. like the bone weary fatigue that comes with seeing too much and for too long could’ve been played as that snarky cynical and jaded god. but she dIDNT. and it was such an impactful and nuanced performance. Agh I’m running out of characters gdi moving over to another ask (1/2)

ALSO BOOKER. I fucking love when they make a characters actions reasonable. like the man is clearly depressed. he’s tired and he wants some sort of agency back in the face of devastating loss over and over again. like waiting for your friends to heal themselves each time they die?? my god that amount of stress has to get to you at some point. which also lends to this self-awareness and surety among all of the characters (especially Nicky omg Nicky you beautiful cinnamon roll). GDI no space (2/3)

RIGHT. Nicky! what a compassionate but ruthlessly efficient solider (also that part near the end where he puts the gun over his shoulder for joe to take was kinda hot ngl). the juxtaposition is so interesting and compelling and we see it throughout the movie with all of the characters too. even their relationship as a team. it’s odd because they’re really professional with each other but still choose to be a family from the get go. it’s even more profound when you think about it (NO SPACE Y) 3/4

because that’s the one thing they truly have a choice over. they’re going to see these 4 people for the rest of their long longgg lives and they can very easily say no. I’ll find others and lose them but I refuse to be forced to get stuck with you instead of someone else. they don’t though and such props to the writer who didn’t go down that traditional path of conflict. aggghh I could on about how andy didn’t die either but I’m running out of space Again and have spammed you enough lolollll

LOOK.

It was as if ye olde Netflix Powers Thatte Be said “look we know 2020 has been a flaming hellpit dumpster of Why God Why, so we’re gonna give the gays everything they want”

There was world-weary ancient Greek warrior short-haired lesbian Charlize Theron (that scene with the hot French pharmacy lady tenderly patching up her shoulder in the bathroom and the obvious sexual tension was SO UNNECESSARY BUT ALSO COMPLETELY NECESSARY GOD BLESS THE FILMMAKERS!) She has lost her equally hot and badass wife and there was Angst and Feelings and now we have Drama with said wife returning from the sea floor and I don’t know what’s gonna happen but my body is ready and I need the sequel immediately.

There were Joe and Nicky, the most beautiful devoted interracial/interreligious mlm immortal husbands who are still completely gaga for each other after hundreds of years, there are absolutely no gay “jokes” or even any calling attention to their status, they whup ass and they make out in front of stormtroopers because why not get you a man who can do both. We have already discussed the fact that I am Deep down the rabbit hole for them.

There was Nile (NILE! I WOULD DIE FOR YOU!) the most PRECIOUS immortal bean, who is a Black woman who literally cannot be shot down, who takes the hits from the military (DON’T THINK I DID NOT NOTICE THAT THE US ARMY WAS ALSO GOING TO PUT HER IN A CAGE/INSTITUTION ONCE THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT HER) and from the white supremacist violence but GETS BACK UP EVERY TIME BECAUSE THEY CANNOT STOP HER WITH THEIR USUAL MINDLESS STATE SPONSORED MACHINE GUNS. She gets to rescue the whole team like a BADASS and go into the lab with the action-hero angles almost ALWAYS received by the Hard Bitten White Man, she gets to tackle the main villain off the top of a goddamn skyscraper and walk away from it while he’s dead, she is nonetheless Sweet and Vulnerable and in need of Protection so she gets to be BOTH the damsel in distress and the hero and I just... I have a lot of feelings about Nile okay.

Even the Hard Bitten White Man we did get, i.e. Booker, is the guy who makes painful choices and is driven by the pain of having to watch his children die and yet also still displays emotions and cares for his other family and awfully regrets what he did to hurt them (and when he realizes Andy’s not healing he PANICS) and now he’s met Quynh and oh the dramaaaa.

I VERY MUCH NOTICED THE CIA AND BIG PHARMA/AN INSUFFERABLE KNOW IT ALL RICH BRITISH WHITE MAN BEING THE VILLAINS UNDER CLAIMING TO DO “GOOD.” THANK YOU. (And good on you Chiwetel Ejiofor, I knew you wouldn’t let Dudley Dursley actually get away with it)

THE ADVENTURES ACROSS HISTORY TO BE! GOOD! PEOPLE! NOT GRIMDARK POINTLESS ANNIHILATION! THEIR HEROISM MEANS SOMETHING IN THE END!!!

THE FOUND FAMILY OF IT ALL. As you note, they completely avoided the “oh no they all hate each other and snipe over petty things and try to kill each other” and went “nope they are a family and they watch football together in their loud church in France where they like to live and all sleep in the same bedroom” LIKE UP YOURS MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE oops

And Andy DIDN’T die and is gonna see her wife again and now has to reckon with that and has to figure out how to fight when she’s no longer completely invulnerable and has to mentor Nile and figure out how to be part of the team in a different way and and and

(I CAN’T BELIEVE I ORIGINALLY FORGOT TO MENTION IT WAS DIRECTED BY A BLACK WOMAN AND A LOT OF WOMEN WORKED ON IT)

/breathes deeply

Anyway I liked it a normal amount.

#the old guard #tifipants #ask

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dorminchu · 3 years

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ALL THESE THINGS THAT I'VE DONE

The war against Paradis is over. Eren and Annie are forced to confront their mortality in a world that seems to have no need of them, and their significance to each other. [Post-Canon]

I didn't know there was an ereani week this year until a couple days ago, but I figured: cool, I should probably post something. Title comes from the track of the same name by The Killers.

The prompt is: Day 3 (4/12): "I love you" / "I loved you"

[Ao3 | FFNet]

When the war was over, it was Armin who took the glory. That was a new look for him, Eren thought. Smart but eternally overlooked until he inherited the role of the Colossus Titan. Willing to carry the burden of humanity's savior without much complaint, unlike his teenage self who had always been plagued by doubts and fears. Eren wouldn't have thought Armin would be ready to chew the bullet while he quietly slipped into the background—but he was the leader, and Eren had always been accustomed to his status of figurehead.

Their roles had inverted with age.

As part of an overarching deal with Queen Historia, Eren was granted quarters—a cabin ten miles from the border of what had once been Wall Rose—and a modest pension, as long as he held his tongue and did not make any attempt to intercept the negotiations between Paradis and the surrounding countries. Eren put in an application for professor at the local military academy and spent the days trying to record what he could remember of his experiences in Marley.

The cabin had been around since the start of the war. About ten or so miles from the nearest village. Perhaps even before Eren was born, when Paradis was just a penal colony in name and the boundaries on inhabitable territory were less strict. The pipes still worked and there was evidence of an outhouse as well as quarters for a small animal—he wondered if it had been a hunter’s lodge.

After growing up in the back end of Shiganshina for the first nine years of his life and living in barracks and halfway houses for the next ten, it was a lot quieter. He felt oftentimes as if he were on a permanent state of leave, awaiting orders that would never come. There was so much time to fritter away now, without a war on the backburner.

ii.

In a bid to lessen the severity of his scarring, Eren tried growing a beard. He couldn't sprout a full one like Zeke could, just the chin-hairs, an innate reminder of his days in Marley. Most often he kept his hair pulled back in a short ponytail or else cut it short in the warmer seasons, though never as short as it had been in his days of adolescence.

He'd regenerated his leg and other limbs since the ceasefire, regained his motor functions in a week-long, agonsing process that he was sure Hanji would've loved had she been alive to witness it—but a day or so after settling into the cabin the old pain was flaring up again. He had a vivid memory of asking Commander Hanji once, at seventeen, after exhausting his father’s journal, but the only conclusion either of them could come up was phantom pain. Even if he were whole and unmarred, he did not anticipate sleep as any source of relief. Colours in his right eye gradually turned dull and it was getting harder to read even by candlelight, disorienting to walk out into harsh sunlight. Eventually he just began wearing a patch for the sake of simplicity. His other eye was unaffected.

He could still remember Ramzi's face better than most of his dead Scouts and it kept him up at night for hours. His way of life—the Titans, ODM gear—was quickly being phased out, trading blades and canisters for rifles and ammunition. His place among the armistice seemed moot.

Eren thought more often of his father. He did not wish to, explicitly, but the memories of him that popped into his head were usually indecipherable and triggered by stress.

The doctors in Marley would define this as shellshock. Other times they left impressions like the outline of the sun under closed eyelids; warmth, family, agony, guilt that would eat away at him for the rest of his remaining life.

Eren was, at least, confident in the fact that he was nothing like his father. He didn't pretend he was doing anything morally righteous, nor had he allowed himself to be molded into a pariah like Zeke. He had only accomplished what those same men were afraid or unable to do. It was nothing to crow about. He did not blame Zeke for that upbringing. Eren had taken action, knowing he would be hated and feared by his own comrades. He could only leave behind his memories in print, and if by some Godforsaken chance they somehow managed to fall into the hands of a like-minded company—well, perhaps one day he would be understood or misconstrued further. Rotting in the ground he could not defend his truth or bias.

But while he was alive, he could not rest. He knew better than most that all of this was fleeting.

It wasn’t as though he was out of shape with all the walking. He still stuck to drills in the morning to keep himself busy; awaiting orders that would never come. It sounded like something Armin might say. But Armin was content to busy himself with the sons and brothers of deceased bureaucrats; the succeeding generation to the brilliant men and women who'd led them right into the mouths of hell and out again.

Commander Hanji was dead. Commander Irvin had been dead four years now. Captain Levi was on his way to retirement and attempting to get Mikasa to replace him.

After seven years of military service his soldier’s inclinations remained unshakeable. He'd wake up every morning, going through the motions as though he were still a stowaway in Marley. He'd never allowed himself to consider a life beyond the pretext of enlistment and eventual expiration within the Scouting Regiment, much less the seemingly endless war between Paradis and the rest of the world. In the best case he had assumed he would die eventually, of old age or a more unheroic death out in the field. He'd never allowed himself to be ruled by that fear of mortality because he had to eradicate the Titans first—it was a child’s logic that had gotten him through military academy. Yet here he was, nineteen, with four going-on three years left to kill. Annie had three, going-on two. That was the only certainty she'd admitted to him without need for prying.

So Eren had to be sharp for the rest of their sakes. The war on Paradis had ended and brought with it economic turmoil. A mourning period that seemed to extend indefinitely. The next decade of prosperity would not be won in a year, nor three, and it would come on the backs of the losing side and breed the same old resentment, and then inevitably the same slow descent towards outrage and madness and oppression. Always in the back of his mind like the learnt urge to drink, or his inherited memories—he could almost convince himself of his hard-won stability. It was a good enough reason as any to stop answering Mikasa's letters.

iii.

The door opened to reveal the very last person he had ever expected to see again. She was every bit the woman he had seen in Marley and little of the girl in the crystal remained. What could he say to a four-year old crush-turned-heartbreak whose face he could scarcely recall among the hundreds of thousands of other casualties? "You shouldn't have come back."

When he moved to close the door, she stopped him with her heel. "I'm no longer a Warrior, nor a soldier. I have nowhere else to turn. You and I understand each other, so there's no point in bloodshed."

He gauged this, chewing his tongue. "Did someone send you?"

Her shoulders stiffened. "No one you'd know."

"I suppose you were sent here to finish the job for Marley?"

"No." Bluntly, she forced herself into the doorway. "I came here on my own. I just—"

"—all right, it seems like there's been some kind of miscommunication between you and whoever sent you."

"I was told you'd be able to accommodate me."

"I don't need anyone else here."

Annie squinted at him. Her hand was clenched tightly on the doorjamb. "You must get bored living up in the mountains. And you could use another pair of hands if you're not regenerating." Eren said nothing. "Did you carve your eye out again?"

"Goddamn you," he growled, and wrenched the door open.

He let her walk past the threshold. Looked at her once, and then away. "I'll set a place aside for you to sleep," indicating a well-worn sofa, "you can stay as long as you need to until you find somewhere you like."

"I don't know why you're so upset. You could have killed me years ago. You've had every opportunity, and yet—"

"—I've moved on." He said it flatly, almost resigned. "You haven't, obviously."

Annie didn't flinch. "So you're just going to stay here and wait to die?"

"I keep myself busy."

"What do you do?"

"I teach the new cadets over at the Academy. It's about two hours from where we are; nothing special, but they seem eager to learn."

"I see."

He turned finally to face her. "What about you?"

Annie hesitated. "Used to work with the other displaced soldiers up until a few days ago."

"How'd that treat you?"

"It was all right. Why, are you too good for it now, now that you're a war hero?"

Eren ignored the barb. "It's been a while since everything settled down, so I wondered how you would fare."

"What, so you just popped up in this house?"

He scoffed. "Of course not. There was a tribunal, and it was decided to let me live on the condition I'd be kept far away where I wouldn't bother with anyone. I can't say the same for the others."

"You sold them out?"

He chuckled. "I didn't have to say much. They did it to themselves. We shared a common goal at one point but never the same ideology. At the very least, I can say I took no pleasure in what I—"

"—Ackermann gave you an out?"

Eren gauged the sharpness in her tone, the stiffness of her posture. "I didn't ask her to." He frowned. "You never told me how you got here. Did Mikasa have something to do with this?"

Annie froze, then averted her eyes. "I didn't have much of a choice. It was either come here or work myself to death doing manual labor. I wouldn't have minded that."

"Why didn't you tell me that she sent you?"

"I don't know. She seemed to pity you."

"Oi, it's not your fault. She can feel however she wants." He sounded bemused, scowling. "What the hell else she she think I'm going to do in four years? I have no plans to start another war."

Annie finally eyed him in her peripherals. "We didn't talk much other than that."

Within the next few hours he'd gotten a few more details out of her. In exchange for agreeing to be quartered here, her record was wiped clean. She had recently reapplied for the MP brigade under a new name and secured a position as secretary in the Karanese district headquarters. She had also admitted to him that she was dying to get back onto the streets again.

As a bedfellow Annie was, in some ways, more than he could've hoped for. Despite the introduction, she talked far less than they had as cadets. She did not seem particularly happy or unhappy, just neutral. She woke up each morning at six hours and left to do her drills. She would come back in an hour and offer to help him with whatever menial tasks needed doing, as if they really were holed up together in the remnants of a cabin lost ten years ago to a threat that would live on in sordid, haunting memory. The kind of life one would find beyond the realm of a weathered photograph.

Unobtrusive without becoming idyllic. The best outcome he could afford her was three years of uneventful domesticity.

They didn't spar anymore. Not for lack of want, or kicking the habit. Eren just couldn't keep up with her the way he used to. His leg was shaky and she pointed it out first. It would have an impact on the kind of punishment he could take as opposed to when he was fifteen and shrugged off every injury like it was nothing. His eye was not healing.

Annie was in better condition. Just by studying her gait it was obvious that she'd taken better care of herself. She had not had to bunk up with a gang of stinking, vulnerable soldiers riddled by shellshock. Trying to communicate with them in German worked, but it got him a lot of funny looks and no end of comparisons to fathers and grandfathers enlisted or long since dead.

Annie wasn't interested in his stories from Marley but she didn't brush him off either. She just tolerated it in a much more polite way than Mikasa or Armin would.

At twenty years old she came up to his chest. Either the crystallization had stunted her growth or she was naturally short. She was also scarred enough down her face but it was of the same sheer consistency as her hair. You would only know what she was if you were paying close attention.

She got skittish and temperamental if he tried to push his luck training with her. Initially it had pissed him off:

"What do you think I'm going to do?"

She'd looked at him bluntly. "You're still recovering. Why overexert yourself?"

He'd never told her about his injuries but the idea of her picking up on it this quickly rankled for reasons he did not care to discuss. "I'm not a kid."

Something flashed in her eyes. "I'm not going to push you."

And that was the end of it. He'd decided that this ritual mattered more to her than him, and respected her space. He still did his own drills.

But every time they locked eyes now he'd get that same, absurd itch in the back of his mind from a year ago. Sharpened his tongue and made him want to speak in ways he didn't think he should attempt to justify whilst sober.

iv.

Days passed. He did not always see her until late in the evening.

In the middle of the night he rolled over onto his bad leg and the pain woke him. In silence he got up, not enough to require medication but still pretty uncomfortable.

“Eren?”

He went still. Annie was up herself, over by the window, staring at him as though he were on his deathbed. In the low light her eyes looked strange and luminous. “Does it hurt?”

“Does—what?”

“Your leg.”

Eren sat up slowly as not to aggravate his condition. She didn't say anything else. “It’s not so bad that I can’t sleep.” He studied her face for signs of age, finding naught but scars, a weariness in her eyes he could speak to. She didn't frown. She just watched him coolly. Eren shrugged. “You can’t sleep either?" No answer. "Thinking about to-morrow?”

“I can get you something for it.”

Eren shook his head. “That's not necessary."

"Don't be stupid."

"This isn't something I can just take pills for.”

"It's chronic." Her tone pregnant with incredulity. "Why haven't you seen a doctor for this?"

"Annie, what the hell is a regular doctor gonna do for either of us? We already fix ourselves. There are other veterans that have been stranded here, they aren't growing their limbs back. They need all the help they can get. Anyway, it's only, what, three more years of living? I can take three. Fuck, I've taken ten."

The more he kept talking, the darker her eyes became. Clench in her jaw, tautness of her shoulders, pronounced enough to notice from a distance—an involuntary reflection of his own revulsion.

"I don't know how you managed to win one war, let alone, if you can't even prevent yourself from running into the ground." Her voice was icy and distinctly contemptuous. She stalked over to him. Cold fingers dug into the meat of his naked shoulder, pushed him upright between the wall and headboard; tight, controlled movements. "Four years later and you still want to pretend you're a fucking martyr. It might've worked on Mikasa, but I'm not your sister. I'm not going to help you hurt yourself."

She kneaded at his leg in a much brusquer way than the way the orderlies in Marley. Eren didn't argue. She was not going to take no for an answer. When it was done she coaxed him to lie down again. He stiffened as he felt her weight join his on the mattress, curled almost tentatively against his chest. She didn’t try to hold him, just huddled as though for warmth. She did not explain herself.

Eren had a vague recollection of the last time this had happened. Back then she came up to his chin, rather than the middle of his chest; their disparity was only thrown into relief. He could feel the human warmth of her through the thin undershirt, the softness of her hair on his cheek. He’d dreamt about this a lot when he was sixteen, while the tragedy of her betrayal was no longer fresh but still painful in his mind. He had no energy left to hate her then, for she was not his enemy.

He heard her breathing even out.

She had stayed this long. There was no sense in abandoning her now.

Sometime after that, Eren started noticing her in more tangible ways. Smell of her hair. The subtle glint in her eyes in lieu of a smile. She'd wait up for him in the mornings before he left. He'd tell her good-bye.

When he came home he’d catch her eyes lingering on him in profile.

Just one day too many of the same quiet inactivity. The fact that they had slept in the same bed was just a catalyst of how familiar they were with each other already.

She woke up an hour later than usual and, fuming, went out to train. A light rain had started. Eren made breakfast. Over the next twenty minutes the light sheet became much more torrential. Annie came back in about half-an-hour, dripping water all over the floor. He would've told her off but she grabbed his wrist. He turned as she leant up and took his face in her hands and kissed him like her life depended on it.

Maybe the situation had always been building to this. He had forgotten about its immediacy until the moment presented itself. But now there was nothing left to say. So he gathered her up and placed her on the counter, kissing her breathless, bunching up her threadbare shirt, palming her tits through the military-issue brassiere—he muttered, "see, I thought you were just being nice," and she scoffed, set her heel to the small of his back even as he put his mouth on her. She was chilled from the rain; it was not yet summer. Half-dressed and needy, he took her right there on the countertop. Afterwards, there was no shame or lingering uncertainty that would have been present as cadets. She pressed her cheek to his.

"I'm going to be away for a while. It's higher pay if I stay in Karanese. Maybe two or three weeks." She looked up at him. Her eyes were bright but her tone was stoic. "I just…" She trailed off because he was only looking at her face. Eren smoothed her damp hair away from her cheek.

"I love you." Then he stopped. Like he was finally coming to grips with the idea. Annie blinked rapidly. A crease formed in her brow. Her mouth worked but no sound came out. Eren kissed her chin. "But, if you're gonna be trackin' mud everywhere you'd best clean it up after yourself."

She finally came back to herself. Shoved him lightly in the chest. "Fuck off." Then hoisted herself off the counter, fixed her trousers, and asked in a dry voice where he kept the washbasin.

vi.

On his own the cabin felt distinctly empty. Sometimes he'd wake up hard and just—take care of it. Annie on top of him. On her knees. Pulling him up to her. He missed her a lot more than he'd care to admit to her face and it wasn't just in the sense that she was available. She'd probably just smirk at him anyway.

But when she returned it was nice to have her around, even for a little while. She kept to herself and he gave her space; it was as though she had never left.

It was still morning. He was working when he felt her come up behind him, hands slipping over his wrists. “Oi,” he muttered, “I’m a little busy.”

“You’re just sitting there.”

He scoffed. “Really? How would you know what I’m doin’?” No answer. Eren closed the book. “You really are demanding, ain’t you?” Faux-annoyance. But he turned.

She looked prettier in uniform. Hair pulled back into less of a bun, more of a severe ponytail. She was looking him up and down as though deciding something for herself.

She leant down, kissed him firmly, nipping at his lip until went with it, half-amused. She stepped back, breathing evenly, eyes glinting. She cupped his face, a vestige of tenderness he did not anticipate.

Then her eyes shifted, something empty, strange. A harsh crack against his jaw he could not anticipate and he took it, worked his jaw, blinking rapidly. “What the hell are you—?”

Annie jerked her head back slightly, fixing him with the same expectance he realised he’d completely misinterpreted. “Hit me.”

Eren didn’t move. Her jaw trembled, then set. He caught her wrist. “That’s enough.”

“Why?” She sounded annoyed. “It’s all right. I can take it.”

“What is this?”

“I’ll be dead before you anyway, it would be easier just to take—”

“—I said that’s enough,” he said, terse. “I’m not going to do anything to you."

Her brow furrowed. "I thought you understood.”

Eren just stared, fighting to keep himself calm when he wanted to grab her shoulders and demand her to justify why the hell she wanted to be hit. "What am I supposed to understand?"

Annie’s eyes darted over his face and then to his wrist. “I want you to hit me back.”

“I’m not going to do that.” He cupped her jaw and she almost flinched; his stomach twisted. “Do you understand me?“

Silence built up between them. "I know you’d stop if I asked you to.”

“I’m not going to wait until after I’ve hurt you to stop.”

Annie pressed her face into his chest. He took her by the shoulders, watching her stiffen.

“Do you hear me?”

She nodded.

"Why d'you want me to hit you?"

"Do you want a list?" He gripped her tight enough to make her flinch and immediately regretted the look of fear that came across her face. He let go of her. "I’ve been complicit in the death of your comrades.” Her voice thickened. “And I’ve taught you everything I know. You don't need me here for anything other than your own gratification.” Returning to the facade of impassivity with unnerving ease. “So, there’s no point in comparing our tallies.”

“Annie—"

“Are you stupid?” Annie spat, the most emotion she had exhibited thus far. “You've taken my country and my life and my father and you—now you want me to love you back. You want to marry me as if we're ever going to—I'm the one who killed your friends, why would you ever want to be reminded of—"

"You love me." She looked helpless in her vulnerability. "What? What's the matter?"

"Why would you want me? I—I can't even have children. I'm going to die in four years. I'm going to watch you die unless I kill myself fir—"

"—Annie—"

"—you could fuck anyone you wanted!" she exploded. "Why does it have to be me?"

"Because you don’t have to earn anything from me! I just want to be around you—can’t you accept that?”

Annie kissed him hard. He trembled though he was holding her.

“Take me to bed." Eren opened his mouth and she kissed his chin. “I want you to take me to bed. I—”

Even then, he was hesitant to touch her. She led the way, stripping down to skin and splaying on his bed. He caressed her when she asked him to, a gentleness in his hands that betrayed his own sympathy; for once she didn’t chastise him.

Her scarring was far more pronounced in the light. He'd noticed before, briefly on the counter and more clearly with enough attention, but not like this. It clustered around her sternum and down her spine. He wondered, briefly, if that was why she'd wanted to do it quickly. Now her eyes were bright and shimmering but she took him into her, reached for him.

"Is this OK?" His voice was a croak.

Her eyes flickered to him. Cautious, sure. "Yeah."

He was on his knees, lifting the small of her back, working her towards a much sweeter surrender. He slid one arm around her waist to support her and touched her breasts, the side of her neck, cupping her jaw. His thumb ran over her scarring.

“Annie.” She gasped at the sound of her name. “Ann. Look. Come here.” She was biting her lip. Head fallen back, her hair was almost diaphanous in the light. He murmured her name and she was shivering with emotion. She turned into her elbow and told him in an unsteady voice to go faster, and the bed creaked to match him.

Her body arched, jaw slack. She wouldn't stop shivering. Her voice did not rise in expectation. It just wavered, edgeless.

He took her wrist away from her face and—she flinched. This serrated, ugly, sound that jerked out of her body. He pulled out, holding her. “Look at me,” his voice hoarse and horrified, “please.”

Annie curled up against his chest and shook. Eren just kept apologizing. She didn't push him away.

Eventually she stopped. Raised her head. Their eyes met and she lost composure again. He brushed her hair from her face. “Stay,” she croaked, “please. I need you.”

He kissed her brow. She almost flinched. He tucked his chin into her shoulder, arms around her back, until she’d calmed down.

"You don't have to do anything," he said quietly. "Do you understand that?"

"I know."

Laying prone, she only came up to his sternum. Annie sat up first. She got to her feet and went over to the window. Her shoulder was parallel to the glass. His attention stayed firmly on her profile. “You’re gonna get colder than hell. Come back here.”

She turned and glanced at his forearm curled half-surreptitiously against his stomach. Scar tissue along her breasts was prominent. In the dead light of this cloudy, April afternoon she finally looked her age.

There was a naked uncertainty in her eyes that made him freeze. "You're not my father and you never will be. You've been kinder towards me than I deserve, given the circumstances. I wish I could despise you."

Eren rolled his shoulders. The silence held for a while. "I don't know if what either of us have done can be forgiven. But, as long as you’re here, I want you to know that I don't hate you." All she did was stare, a slight crease in her brow. “I never could.”

“You love me,” she said. Not with scorn. Like she was testing the idea in a way they would have shied away from as kids. She averted her face towards the window.

She watched him get up and tensed. He limped towards her in a couple strides and draped the blanket around her shoulders with the same tentativeness. She did not put her arms around him. She pressed her face into his shoulder. His arm came around her back and she closed her eyes, just existing in the cold slats of wood against her feet and the rise and fall of his breast.

He put the blankets around her and laid beside her.

He’d always supposed he would heal with enough rest. He didn't know how to put what he felt into words, but eloquence had never been his forte. It was not unlike laying on your deathbed, mulling over all the things that hardly seemed to matter until there was no time left to spare.

There was no pain now, just certainty in the presence of another—the old urge to drink was absent.

This is a cleaned-up version of a couple tumblr WIPs + some old/new material blended in for fun. Think of it as a pilot episode for a much larger fic.

For what it's worth I did like the ending of AoT. Elements of that ending will likely factor into the aforementioned larger fic. I am totally disinterested in arguing about ships or wasted potential—at this point, I’d rather write whatever seems interesting, and leave it at that, canon or not.

And hey, if you think acknowledging canon will override my crippling addiction to the "morally challenged antihero/problematic blonde" dynamic… I really don't see that happening. Even after exiting this fandom, it's like, ALL I've been writing for a year (looking at YOU Insult to Injury) and I feel like I'm going insane. Back on topic though: Now that AoT has concluded, I find I am far less stressed at the prospect for writing for this series again. It won’t be my main focus, but I do like this fic’s concept enough to flesh it out.

#ereaniweek2021 #ereannieweek2021 #eren jaeger #annie leonhardt #ereani #ereannie #snk #aot #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #apologies for any disparity between canon #I'm a bit behind but I have the jist of what happens #fanfic #fanfiction

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sugarbubbleslove · 3 years

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Dragon Age

Alright - I'm gonna go with what I would love to see in Dragon Age 4.

Stealing. I want to steal back. I LOVED being the Dark Wolf in Origins/Awakening. (My Cousland adored having everyone freaking out). It's part of the reason why I can't really play as a rogue in II because it feels wrong with no stealing.

Healing. PLEASE give me my goddamn healing ability back. Screw limited potions and no healing. I want the chance to play as a spirit healer again.

Bombs/Traps again, please? Because those were fun. Origins were so much fun because of their versatility.

Hybrid classes. Looking at the Trailer for DA4, I get the feeling Magic is going to play a big part in it and I'm...not enthusiastic about it.

Don't get me wrong - I love playing as a mage (Damien Amell/Melinda Hawke dominate the battlefield) but I do LOVE playing as a Rogue/Warrior.

But I want how the Warriors could dual-wield, use archery and steal. Hell, even my mage could steal.

But I would love it if my Warriors could bash locks or my Mages could use magic to open locks. (Origins really makes me feel I should be playing as a rogue with the number of locked chests about).

More Specializations. I like Ranger for my Rogue. Summoning animals, yes, please.

Spirit healer was fun - and would have been an awesome addition to Inquisition if you could have a spirit agree to help you with your magic, imagine the conversation Solas/Cole could have had with your spirit (But at the same time, I get why they didn't because you know - can't have the 'Herald of Andraste' communing with spirits (never mind that Andraste could have been communing with a spirit)

The options to USE ALL MY TALENTS I unlock! Like in Origins/II, you could use the wheel to access more abilities where in Inquisition, you're freaking LOCKED!! Unless you have it on the tab, you're screwed and it's annoying!

What's the freaking point of giving us all those talents if I can't access them while in battle?! Seriously! GIVE ME MY GODDAMN TALENTS!!

And...I'm gonna be spiteful here but this is mostly because of my current playthrough - the chance to kill off my Inquisitior....

I have a playthrough where my Cousland romances Alistair, makes him the King and agrees to be his Queen only to refuse the dark sacrifice and takes the final blow. Then I leave my Hawke - who romances Sebastian and makes him prince, becoming his Princess - in the Fade so....please? I kind of wanna continue the trend of my heroes pretty much giving the country/world the finger before jumping to their death.

(Though I was even more bitcher and had my Cousland keep Alistair a Grey Warden, refused the ritual and took the killing blow then left Alistair in the fade because...fun...)

I would be so fucking gleeful if I get the option to actually kill off my inquisitor at some point (or find out they died in between Inquisition and 4th game).

To keep the chance to refuse to believe in the Maker. God, that was so funny, I actually played my Trevelyan who refused to believe in the Maker, who refused to believe it was Andraste in the Fade (arguing with Mother Giselle as a result) and I got the option to tell Mother Giselle that she was happy that was she was right about it just being dumb luck that she had the Mark and that the Maker/Andraste had no say in it and Mother Giselle actually called out my character, saying she was no better than those who like to shove their facts down people throats.

I was actually stunned and I wanted to bite off Mother Giselle's face for the first time since playing this game by reminding her that the Chantry shove their 'facts' down everyone's throat, constantly cut out/covers up the parts they don't like. Like I didn't hear about Shartan being cut out of the chant you hypercritical little bitch! I was there at fucking Haven when Shartan said he fought at Andraste's side yet your pathetic cult cut him out because he was an elf and you can't have your precious Andraste cavorting with an elf, can you.

It was actually the same with Wynne, my Cousland told her that she never wanted to become a warden, didn't find it an honour and just wanted to find her brother. Wynne actually called Cousland selfish for wanting to put her own needs above the world.

Like excuse me you little cunt, you were locked up in that circle the whole fucking time. YOU have no idea what is required to become a warden. If you thought it was such a fucking honour, then you should have offered your own ass to Ridoran when he was looking for Wardens. Then I could have given you to the Archdemon.

And not to mention Grand Elthina. Like holy fuck did the Maker have a fucking hand in my Warden saving the world. She didn't save it for the Maker's sake, she died because she LOST her fucking FAMILY to betrayal. Seriously - if my warden was there, she would have snapped the old woman's neck. Glad that my Hawke could say that the maker had nothing to do with it.

And I still firmly believe she was setting up the stage for the templar/mage war. Like hell the Maker would waste their time saving your pathetic ass when you couldn't even do anything to stop the war.

She could have easily gone to the Divine with her fears and suggested a change in Knight-commander and First Enchanter. What did she do? Tell Hawke to tell Leliana that everything is peachy keen and there is nothing to world about.

I told Leliana to get the Divine to start a fucking holy war before the war actually broke out (and look what happened, Elthina died. The Maker didn't save her)

and WHY do people think the Maker would actually save them? Like hello? The last time the Maker, apparently, got involved - Andraste was BURNED at the freaking STAKE!

Do you really think the Maker would risk that again?

And I just went off on a rant...sorry about that.

But, by all means Bioware, keep giving me shitty old woman who thinks they know better so I can keep kicking them off the ledge of their high and mighty horse.

#Dragon Age #What I would love to see in the next game #Yeah #you #I actually like my dead Cousland/Alistair pining for her playthrough #and it makes sense that Alistair would be left behind in the fade #Mother Giselle critical #Elthina Critical #Wynne critical #fuck off old ladies #stop acting like you know my character #you know shit #Sorry about the rant #apparently it's been building up

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reliciron · 4 years

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Eternal Empire After Effects

In addition to that post I made a while back about how your characters deal with either the boost in Force sensitivity or the brand new sensitivity for your smugglers/troopers/agents/bounty hunters. I want to talk about the general fucked up-ness that the Commander has to deal with post-KotET.

Like DAMN. Bare minimum, they’ve had to deal with carbonite poisoning, the general mind games of Valkorian, and then they had their mind literally broken in the last chapter. At worst, they get all that, plus taking a lightsaber to the gut. To say nothing of having to fight an impossible war for a little over a year straight with everyone’s hopes and dreams riding around on their shoulders.

A lot of the posts I’ve seen about other people’s ocs has some form of lingering effects from everything. And I just want to talk about it for a minute, cause I live for filling in the scenes we don’t see. [Take this with a grain of salt, as I’ve never played a dark side character, so my perspective will be skewed.]

Long term physical effects:

They were poisoned slowly over the course of 5 years, you can’t tell me that one little dart thing can fix that, at least not right away. This could take the form of lingering nausea, migraines, dizziness. The symptoms of heavy metal poisoning would fit well here. And I hc my consular as having some permanent nerve pain from it.

The stab on Asylum is absolute bullshit in the game. Valkorian or no, there’s no way they’d be walking out. I think I posted a pic I took before, but the stab is easily close enough for the heat transfer to damage the spine. Bone cracks and warps with heat, so you can see the problem there. The wound is almost dead on for where the stomach sits and the lungs, liver, kidney, and intestines are all in range to get badly burnt (yeah I know, alien anatomy might be different, but we’re assuming its mostly the same).

We’ve seen what a lightsaber can do to a blast door in The Phantom Menace, take that and apply it to a person, and Arcann held that blade there a loooong time.

Yes, Valkorian saves them, but I think of it more as he kept them from dying, and not, he completely stopped the blade from cooking them from the inside out. So the three days Lana mentioned are horseshit. The Gravestone’s tiny ass med-bay is absolutely not equipped to handle an injury like this.

I always figured a better way was Valkorian kept them alive long enough for Lana to threaten her way onto an appropriate station and made the doctors fix them. Even so, getting what amounts to several organ transplants, implants to bypass possible spinal chord damage, replacement ribs and vertebra, and a whole lot of skin and muscle grafts will leave your Commander pretty messed up, even with magical Star Wars tech and Force magic. And their allotted recovery time seems to be the length of the base’s construction on Odessen, so there’s no way in hell they’re really done healing by the time they have to go back out into battle.

Specific injuries aside, a year is a long time to fight more or less constantly. At least during the base game you sort of had rests between chapters. They’re gonna rack up an impressive list of injuries, alongside wear and tear like their knees and feet having trouble from the constant running and jumping. And their elbows and shoulders will break down from hours upon hours of absorbing the recoil of a gun or the constant flurry and clash of a lightsaber.

Long term mental effects:

As ugly as the physical stuff is, the mental effects are just as bad. Depending on what class they are, having the goddamn Sith Emperor riding shotgun in their head will fuck them up big time.

Classes who faced off with him more-or-less directly, like the Knight, Consular, and Warrior, are going to have the worst time of it because they KNOW what this sort of thing leads to. The warrior has seen the dead eyed puppet on Voss and knows that could be them soon. The consular had to deal with the emperors children and the First Son. They’ve seen a prominent and powerful Jedi master absolutely crumple under the power of the emperor and he wasn’t even IN there. And Knights have already experienced the emperor’s control first hand.

Not to say the others won’t have trouble with it, it’s just that the reasons will be a little less direct. The smuggler and bounty hunter are used to being their own people, not tied down to anything or accountable to anyone, and now there’s the threat that everything they have will be taken from them and there’s no amount of sneaking or shooting that will save them. Troopers built up their command from basically nothing and now they’re Republic heroes, but Valkorian now threatens the lives of everyone they’ve sworn to protect. The agent is easy, they’ve suffered mind control before, they’ve been slaves in their own body, and they’re terrified of it happening again. And inquisitors were literal slaves who clawed their way to the top, and they’d sooner die than be a slave again.

So just having that asshole there means constant stress for the whole of KotFE and KotET. Insomnia must be a given. How do you know you’ll wake up as YOU? That Valkorian won’t hollow you out in your sleep and walk around in your skin the next day? And for the Knight, Agent, and Inquisitor, I’d think panic attacks are probably a thing, even if they don’t let anyone see it.

The stab will definitely cause some trauma. Pretty sure any wound that gruesome would. And if they didn’t have nightmares before, they sure do now and I’m willing to bet that they might shy away from lightsabers for a while, which leaves an interesting dilemma considering they’re in a war with Force-users, and some of them are Force-users themselves.

Fighting a guerrilla war with an absurdly powerful adversary has to be incredibly taxing, especially for classes who’ve never had to command anything. Smugglers and Bounty Hunters are very screwed here, assuming they care about running the Alliance well. And the burden of saving the galaxy is a heavy one. I can definitely see classes who have saved the galaxy multiple times to be getting increasing bitter about always having to be the one to clean up the messes. Why are THEY the ones who always have to suffer? Why isn’t there ever a hero to save THEM when they need it?!

Agents get their own little special bit here with the bullshit that is Vaylin’s conditioning. They know exactly the kind of misery she’s going through, the powerlessness that one single phrase or word causes. I can understand that the writers couldn’t figure out or bother with a whole separate scene of the agent refusing to use the conditioning, cause then they’d have to figure out how to not have Vaylin murder them on the spot. But goddamn we could’ve at least seen them struggle with it! Maybe an extra few lines of them pleading with Vaylin because they desperately don’t want to use her control phrase. Ugh, at least behind the scenes an agent can have a break down about how they’ve become exactly like the intelligence officers who’d decided that they were too much of a liability to go without a leash they could pull. And now they’ve pulled an identical leash on Vaylin.

And then we have their mind being broken. That could be a post in and of itself. Valkorian came within a hair’s breadth of destroying them entirely, and they were so broken that they didn’t even know their own name. And in the space of 10 or so minutes, they scrape themselves together and fight a god. It’s very impressive (and I’ve got my own issues with that fight) but I don’t think you can pull yourself together that fast after being that messed up without some lingering issues.

Chronic insomnia and night terrors, full blown PTSD, panic disorders, severe anxiety; something THAT traumatic will absolutely leave marks.

And after that? They just keep going. Yeah, things calm down, but they’re still at the head of a very powerful faction now (if not ruling Zakuul), there’s no going back after this. And they’ve got a massive restoration project ahead of them as tensions continue to simmer between the Republic and Empire. The more dutiful characters must be near the end of their rope. There’s no rest, just the next fire to put out, and they continue to run themselves into the ground. And the more flighty characters are now forever shackled by the Alliance. There’s no flying off into the sunset for them. No more anonymity as a bounty hunter or smuggler. Their old life is over, whether the wanted it or not. And how can they really relax when there’s this many people looking at them for direction. They’ve become just like those asshole military leaders who they used to mock.

And for just about all of my characters, they hide it. No one can know that they’re falling apart at the seams. Either it’s about personal pride and acting unphased cause they’re just THAT good, or because they’re trying to be the leader the Alliance deserves and don’t want to disappoint or frighten them by showing just how badly they’re coping. Either way there will be a breaking point.

And even after it all comes out in the open, and they (hopefully) get the help they need. It’s never completely over. Chronic pain and fatigue, depression and anxiety, persistent insomnia; these things don’t just disappear, they’re an ongoing struggle that helps color their future actions.

I just… I really like considering things like this because it hits close to home. Seeing them struggle with some of the things I deal with makes them feel more like people. Cause god knows the writers aren’t gonna put this kind of stuff in there.

#swtor #mental health discussion #chronic pain discussion #physical injury discussion #kotet #kotfe #relicwrites

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pi-creates · 4 years

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So I’ve been happily watching @stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale stream through games recently, and she has decided to try one of my favourite Telltale games - Tales From the Borderlands. But since CJ isn’t familiar with the Borderlands games (and from the sounds of things, neither are some people in the chat) I’ve put together a very basic bit of background information from what I know (I also haven’t played everything from after TFTB’s release).

It isn’t necessary to know any of this to enjoy TFTB as it gives a brief, ‘bare-bones’ introduction, but I figured it might help some people who like having that extra bit of depth going in without having to play through the other games.

There won’t be spoilers for the TFTB plot, obviously, but the bottom section under the ‘read more’ will list characters from the main series who are mentioned/appear in the game and relevant information that someone familiar with the series should already know about them. But if you are familiar with the series and don’t want to know who may or may not show up (or would just rather go in blind to who is a ‘returning’ character) - stop reading at the Notable characters segment.

[Spoilers for the Borderlands series below here]

For starters, Borderlands is set in the distant future – there are ways to ‘digistruct’ weapons and vehicles at the press of a button, you can walk up to a vending machine and instantly change your appearance, there are advanced cybernetics, robots are normal, you can have personal shields, teleportation is technically possible for both weaponry (notably grenades) and people, and there are guns that shoot electricity/fire/corrosive ammunition.

The goal of every Borderlands game revolves around the idea of opening a Vault – an ancient archway of Eridian origins (just think of long-extinct aliens) that is filled with treasures, hostile guardian entities, and also a very big, pissed off vault monster who will attempt to destroy anyone/anything that tries to get inside. The people who take the risk of searching for a vault and the treasures inside are labelled as Vault Hunters. In the core games, this would be you.

The problem is that finding a vault is hard since they are hidden, and they are often locked with artefact keys that trigger them to unlock. This means that the location of a vault, a vault key, or any signs of Eridian tech is VERY highly valued. Most of the games therefore revolve around the planet of Pandora since it has a high concentration of Eridian ruins which leads prospecting vault hunters to assume there must be more vaults to find on the planet.

Pandora, though, is more than a little inhospitable. The environment is mostly barren or wildly extreme, the wildlife is often very aggressive and deadly, and the people tend to be very rough since they have to deal with all of that. The planet itself doesn’t offer many prospects beyond weapon manufacturing, research, resource mining, and banditry. It has, however, previously been home to large corporations who tried to exploit said resources and attempted to ‘civilise’ the locals who would rather tell those corporations to piss off with the booming end of a shotgun. There is also a significant portion of the population who teeter really close to insanity on a daily basis. That is normal for them.

All of the attempts to settle and gather resources from Pandora has led to literal rubbish heaps, abandoned colonisation attempts, manufacturing/research zones that are often not friendly, bandit shanty towns, toxic chemical zones (from corporations running unethical experimentation) and SO many roaming bandits. Naturally, the locals don’t take kindly to anyone who works for the bigger corporations as they expect to be screwed over or exploited in some way.

For people familiar with the series, the timeline for Tales from the Borderlands is set after Borderlands 2 and before the Fight For Sanctuary DLC.

For people unfamiliar, you need to know that Pandora has recently dealt with the Handsome Jack problem. Basically, the handsome Hyperion CEO was set on wiping out all bandits and dangerous wildlife from Pandora. The problem was that Jack had a very low opinion of vault hunters, bandits, and pretty much everyone on Pandora as he believed they all fell in to those categories.

The player’s introduction to Jack literally comes from him inviting vault hunters to Pandora, only for him to then blow up the transport in transit. You are lucky enough to survive where most others died. Jack himself then contacts you to say that you aren’t following his plan to kill all the vault hunters and “if you could just do me a favour and off yourself, that’d be great. Thanks, pumpkin.“

At the start of Borderlands 2 you will hear of Jack’s rather unethical and violent methods of dealing with people who aren’t on board with his plan – all while having a rather cheerful manner of speaking, almost as if he was enjoying playing the game with you as his opponent. He actually keeps in contact with the vault hunters throughout the game to casually chat with them, and occasionally yell at them if they aren’t playing along with him.

He plotted to open a vault on Pandora that held a very powerful monster called the Warrior. He was going to harness the Warrior’s powers to enact his wide-scale extermination plans. On the journey to stop his plans the vault hunters end up killing Jack’s daughter, Angel, as she was being used to ‘charge’ the vault key. Angel herself led the vault hunters to her location in the hopes that they would stop her father’s plans, much to Jack’s disapproval. He stops being cheerful at this point and doubles-down on wanting to raze all of Pandora to the ground.

He does successfully open the vault and the vault hunters have to defeat the Warrior before Jack can use it. The vault hunters win and Jack is killed for his crimes against Pandora. His final speech before dying in Borderlands 2 was very cool – including it here as it sums up his thought process really well. It has also lead to some interesting interpretations of Jack’s overall character.

"No, no, no... I can't die like this... Not when I'm so close... And not at the hands of a filthy bandit! I could have saved this planet! I could have actually restored order! And I wasn't supposed to die by the hands... of a CHILD KILLING PSYCHOPATH!! You're a savage! You're a maniac, you are a bandit, AND I AM THE GODDAMN HERO!!

"The Warrior was practically a god! How- How in the HELL have you killed my Warrior?!

"You idiots! The Warrior could have brought peace to this planet! No more dangerous creatures, no more bandits, Pandora-it would have been a PARADISE!!"

Naturally, since all of this drama happened not long ago, the citizens of Pandora are very much still on edge in regards to anyone who works for the bigger corporations – Hyperion especially.

Definitions to some things you are likely to see/hear about in TFTB –

Eridium – An ore-like resource associated with the vaults. It glows purple and is supposedly exceptionally rare in most of the universe – but not Pandora. This is what most of the manufacturing companies want since it can be harnessed to create highly effective tech/weapons.

Catch-A-Ride – The service that Scooter (a mechanic on Pandora) uses to digistruct vehicles out of Catch-A-Ride stations.

ECHOs / ECHOnet – Essentially your mobile phone with internet and an app that lets you check everything in your backpack with a holographic display.

The Crimson Raiders – More or less the resistance fighters of Pandora who kept the citizens protected during the fighting of the main games. Run by the original vault hunters and still active in keeping Pandora free of outside threats.

Atlas – A technology and weapon corporation that was the first to make an earnest attempt to colonise Pandora after they suspected it would hold a vault. Was known as one of the best in terms of quality. They have since gone out of business.

Hyperion – The main corporation you will be dealing with. Has a particularly bad reputation on Pandora due to their former CEO, Handsome Jack, attempting to wipe out every bandit community on Pandora. Under Jack’s rule a lot of experiments were also run testing Eridium and Eridium by-products on people and animals – resulting in death, mutation, and insanity to most subjects.

Helios – Hyperion’s orbital station that can constantly be seen orbiting between Pandora and its moon. The station itself is shaped like a giant ‘H’ and houses a concentrated weapon that can shoot massive ammunition at targeted areas on Pandora. The weapon can also be used to shoot transport containers from the orbital station down to Pandora’s surface.

Elpis – Pandora’s moon. Visibly cracked open due to excessive mining. Everyone from here is VERY Aussie and it’s a little weird...

Notable characters you may meet/need to know about –

Marcus – Your narrator – he also narrated the intros and endings to the other games. You won’t see him, but it’s a nice tie in to the format of the main series.

Sirens – Essentially these ladies are magic. They are all born normal, but they will suddenly change and inherit their siren powers when another siren dies. They stand out by their glowing, tattoo-like markings that mysteriously appear on them when they awaken their siren abilities. Not much is known about them other than they can interact with Eridian based materials, and that they are excessively powerful since they have magic abilities.

Claptrap (CL4P-TP) – A class of unicycle robot that is very annoying. Doesn’t shut up, but is technically a vault hunter. You may or may not run in to him.

Angel / (Guardian Angel) – A siren who had the ability to interface with technology. She is the daughter of Handsome Jack and spent most of her life hidden in a secured bunker that only her father could enter via a DNA lock and voice password (her father saying “I love you”). This is due to Jack becoming extremely protective after bandits tried to abduct Angel upon realising she was a siren, and after Angel unintentionally killed her own mother with her powers. Due to her siren powers, she had the ability to stay in constant communication with anyone outside of the bunker, and to help her father with any tasks he required. Was killed by the vault hunters in Borderlands 2.

Handsome Jack – Antagonist from Borderlands 2 and previously the CEO of Hyperion. Has a mask of his face fastened over his actual face which was scarred by an Eridian artefact on Elpis. Starting out as a programmer, he worked his way up the ladder in Hyperion with Angel’s help through a mix of (initially) well intentioned plans to help the people of Elpis, and a growing obsession with power and hatred for Pandora and its bandits. He eventually strangled his boss and named himself President and CEO of the company.

Professor Nakayama – Had a massive crush on Handsome Jack in Borderlands 2. Smart guy who was devastated by Handsome Jack’s death and was working on a way to find the best successor to Jack to run Hyperion. He was attempting to clone Jack from old medical data (taken somewhere before the start of Borderlands 2′s plot) before the vault hunter’s confronted him and he literally dies from falling down a flight of stairs. Easiest boss battle ever.

Shade – DEFINITELY NOT INSANE. Somehow lived alone in a town in the middle of a desert with no water - and this definitely didn’t effect him mentally at all. He just wants a friend.

Scooter – Pandora’s best mechanic. Nice guy and actually a little more normal than a lot of other Pandorans. Has girl troubles, not that he’d ever admit it.

Ellie – Scooter’s sister. Also a mechanic, much to her mother’s displeasure.

Moxxi – Mother of Scooter and Ellie – runs a bar, slot machines, and previously a battle arena (The Underdome). Pretty much seen as Pandora’s Pin-Up, which she seems happy about since it has garnered her significant influence and power on Pandora. She speaks in pure innuendo.

Janey – Elpis’ best mechanic, focusing more on vehicles that work in low (or no) gravity. Runs an equivalent of Catch-A-Ride on Elpis. Girlfriend of Athena.

Athena – Vault hunter who was hired by Jack to help with the Vault on Elpis. Had a falling out with Jack after dealing with the Elpis situation, as this is where Jack was clearly starting to lose his stability. She notably fights with a shield that she can throw and return to her hand. Previously an Atlas employed assassin who turned against the company after Atlas tricked her into assassinating a target that was very important to her. Girlfriend of Janey.

Zer0 – Vault hunter who found a Pandoran vault and was involved in killing Handsome Jack. Another assassin who fights with a sword and is capable of making hologram decoys of himself. He likes to display holograms in front of his helmet to communicate since you cannot see his facial expressions. He’s an alien / who always speaks in haiku / with some exceptions.

Brick – Vault hunter from the first game. He is a berserker who punches VERY hard, but is a softy at heart.

Mordecai – Vault hunter from the first game. Sniper and sharpshooter, doesn’t need a scope to get a good headshot.

Lilith – Vault hunter from the first game. Siren who leads The Crimson raiders along with Brick and Mordecai.

Loader Bots – Hyperion made bots that are used for security and manual labour. They are big, they can speak, and they are very sturdy. Weirdly enough, they have the capacity to become self-aware (though self-aware models are often destroyed by Hyperion if discovered).

Psychos – A particular class of bandit that is always shirtless, dressed in orange pants, masked, and they all speak complete gibberish. They have some consistencies to their gibberish including an obsession with meat and salt.

Butt Stallion – Handsome Jack’s diamond Pony – Jack lovingly named her after the vault hunters at the start of Borderlands 2. She eats Eridium and poops guns... I wish I was kidding.

#stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale #tales from the borderlands #tftb

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nonchalanttoh · 4 years

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The Good Ending: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Finale - Meg's final reaction

The final final episode.

We're gonna win in the end.

I have never and I mean NEVER watched a new episode of she ra without constantlynpausing and typing my thoughts as the scenes play because I've never really had friends to watch the show with me for the first time in real time, for various reasons and circumstances. I think just this once, for the most emotional and dramatic episode there will ever be, I'm going to put down my phone and immerse myself in what's happening. I may end up having to pause anyway because I can't process what's happening so quickly. I may write somethings down. I don't really know (spoilers: I didnt.). But for all five seasons, on the DAY that the season was released I binged every episode and logged my thoughts. I've never committed to anything like this and I'm kinda impressed with myself not gonna lie. I've stalled long enough. I just need to hit play.....

I just posted on my Instagram story @nonchalantsplace a video of me sobbing my eyes out. I still cant stop. I didn't pause once, I just let it happen. That was SUCH a satisfying ending like holy cow. I really wasnt expecting to see Huntara or DT or entrapta's cooks but they all did so well!! And the Major Character death I sensed was coming was Shadow Weaver and that was such a perfect way to end for her. That scene initially turned on the water works and I'm unable to turn them off. I'm having difficulty typing because it's hard to type with tears in your eyes. And Glimmer with her Dad! And that that Scorpia and Catra reunion!

I don't know if this was only a fear of mine, but I was afraid that they were going to find a way to bring Angella back. They didnt, thankfully, but it's happened before: I get put through the torment and emotion of a character death only for them to loophole their way back from the dead.

FUCK all that romance for one second so I can just appreciate how goddamn beautiful this story was. It was executed so well and I don't think I'll ever see another show that could thematically top it.

I haven't gone to tumblr yet because I know 90% of it will be Catradora, 5% will be Glimbow, 2% will be spinetossa, another 2%is for all of the other "irrelevant" characters and and the last 1% will be reserved for all other comments. Or I may just think to lowly of tumblr. My point is:

I never really cared for any of the pairings at any point BESIDES Seamista and Spinetossa. Chalk that up to toxicity and vld traumatizing me as far as ship wars go, I told myself that ~repeatedly~ that there wasnt going to be an endgame because this isnt that type of show. But then Noelle SAID FUCK YOU LOVE IS LOVE AND IF THE KIDS NEED LOVE THEN THEY WILL LOVE EACH OTHER. Can you pleeease look beyond tumblr and your ships or whatever and think about how fucking amazing it is that She-Ra, a super hero, warrior, a legend, and pop culture icon in the real world, loves another girl? And they kissed on screen? And said that they loved each other?? IN A Y-7 SERIES?? Inserting characters like Lance, George, Spinnerella, Netossa, and DT among many others should be celebrated, but also acknowledge how BIG this ending is for queer kids who may have watched this or watch it in the future. Most of tumblr is queer anyway, but if this hasn't crossed your mind yet, please celebrate this.

Put asides your personal belief (mine is that they both felt extremely forced with not much of a buildup outside of this season, but that's just me) that Catra should've ended up with Scorpia or that Adora should've ended up with Glimmer and just celebrate a happy ending with a strong queer titular character. Catra HAD SOME PROBLEMS and we can't ignore that, as I mentioned many times throughout my reactions, but she's been working hard to be better, and I think with Perfuma's help she'll really be okay in the future.

After all that I just watched, I can't get over how Important strong queer characters are. My only complaint is that the finale could've used a teensy bit more lab partners and seamista but 😋

Thanks for reading! And Thank you, Noelle, for producing a story that will stick with me forever.

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animebw · 4 years

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Binge-Watching: Re:Creators, Episodes 4-7

In which I get some very familiar vibes, the character clashes are better than the exposition dumps, and I wonder if Sota’s gonna work in the end.

Re/Stay Night

Re:Creators is a show that wears a lot of influences on its sleeve. Considering it’s specifically about the relationship between popular media, its writers and its audience, it’s no surprise it invites comparisons to countless different trends and specific properties. But the anime it reminds me the most of thus far is Fate/Stay Night, and I don’t just say that because of the obvious Saber parallel voiced by Yoko Hisaka. The plot revolves around a cast of widely varied, obscenely superpowered warriors, each with their own gimmicks and special moves, and much of the intrigue comes from watching their competing motives and ideologies clash up against each other. The battles take place in a cluttered city, causing lots of collateral damage and requiring them to stay out of sight as much as possible to hide what’s really going on. There’s even a similarity with the relationship between the Creations and their Creators that could be read as a different take on the Master/Servant dynamic in Fate. Obviously there’s a lot of differences in the particulars, but the general appeal of an urban-fantasy clash of ideals between summoned superhumans is definitely something the two shows share.

It’s a well-worn story structure to be sure, but Re:Creators knows how to make it work. All the characters have such interesting, complex views on their position as fictional creations brought to life, and those beliefs can’t help but come into conflict thanks to how different they are. Meteora’s conflicted on how much she owes this world, especially since her original creator’s now dead, but she can tell from playing her game that her world was designed with genuine love and care, so sh decides that her creator’s world must be worth protecting as well. Alice the knight is understandably furious at her world being such a horror show, and she will stop at nothing to bring justice to her people no matter how many bodies she has to pile up to do it. Rui the mecha pilot is exhausted from having to Get in the Goddamn Robot so many times, like a Shinji with more backbone, but his overall heroic nature means he lets himself get swept in events regardless. Jojo’s boss Yuya and horror villain Magane are wild cards who are just here for a good time, and they’ll latch on to whatever witll excite them the most. Mamika just wants everyone to get along, which means she’s even willing to fight against her own teammates if it gives her a better chance of minimizing the damage. Gunslinger Blitz is still fairly shrouded in mystery, but he seems like he has a strong sense of respect for the mission he’s carrying out. And, of course, Selesia is a hero through and through, determined to stop the potential end of the world no matter how hard the task might be, even if that means giving the benefit of the doubt to Creations who really don’t deserve it because they’re all in this together.

Clusterbomb

And whenever this show lets them come into conflict and bounce ideals and beliefs off each other, it’s pretty damn good. Alice and Mamika differ on whether they value good intentions or shared goals more, as well as how justified they believe violence is, but they both respect each other’s drive to do the right thing. Plus, they’ve got the whole “Badass warrior maiden is soft for the cute ball of sunshine” dynamic going on, and god dammit if that isn’t right up my alley (”As long as you’re here, I have nothing to worry about.”) Mamika’s also unable to work up the courage to fight until Blitz tells her that sometimes there’s no other way to constrain violence, and then he’s the first person she gets in the way of to try and stop him from fighting past the point of reason. Meanwhile, Magane’s nihilism puts her at odds with Alice’s strong sense of justice, and she can’t help but needle the knight about how certain she seems to be that her way of doing things is the only just one. They both leave plenty of bodies in their wake, so who gets to decide that the bodies Alice leaves behind were worthy sacrifices and Magane’s are innocent victims? By contrast, Yuya’s brash enthusiasm and Rui’s fighting spirit compliment each other very well, and they’re already a fun set of bros (”Send it flying! High in the sky!”) I love how it keeps finding new combinations of characters to explore, teasing out how all eight of these very different people would interact with each other. And the riverbank clash bridging episodes 6 and 7 ends up dragging them all in; for a brief moment, all eight of the central Creations are together and ready to throw down. The fighting’s only just starting to pick up, but I’m already excited to see which characters butt heads with who next. Whatever combination Re:Creators decides to explore, there’s potential for a pretty damn exciting clash in it.

Chugging Along

Still, while I’m enjoying this show’s Fate-esque approach to building characters and conflicts, it’s also borrowed something else from Fate it probably should’ve left behind: the exposition. Far too much time is spent with the characters just sitting in a room talking, hashing out all the lore details they need to know in order to advance the plot. I’m okay with an occasional exposition dump, but when half of pretty much every episode is dedicated to a group of characters lounging around a relatively boring room and just talking about what’s going on, it starts to wear pretty thin. At least the direction is pretty decent most of the time, so we don’t stay stuck in a dull shot-reverse shot loop for the whole thing. There are plenty of interesting camera angles and smart editing cuts that keep the pace from dragging too much. I also really like whenever it delivers an exposition dump over a montage of the characters just goofing off and having fun. It’s a great way to kill two birds with one stone, getting all the necessary plot bullshit out of the way while fleshing out the characters’ interior lives through how they interact in low-stress situations. If it pulled that particular trick more often, I’d probably have a lot less to complain about. Also if it actually let Selesia and Meteora kiss when they go in for the pocky game. Yes, I am that shallow, why do you ask? Look, big city-set action shows with self-insert male protagonists almost always default to the most boring het pairings imaginable, so I will be very thankful if Re:Creators avoids that particular trap.

Altair’s Secret

And speaking of Sota, I still find it really amusing how little a presence he has. Like, I’m pretty sure he has a grand total of one line in episode 5. And I’ll admit, I’m a little torn on that. On the one hand, the more time we spend with the actually interesting characters- the Creations themselves- the better. On the other, Sota’s gonna have to become important eventually, and there’s only so long Re:Creators can hide from the problem of him not being interesting until it has to actually try and fix it. After all, Sota’s likely gonna end up a big part of this show’s message on the creator/creation relationship. He’s the otaku self-insert who’s a fan of all these anime, manga, games and whatnot the Creations represent, and his arc is about working up the courage to translate that inspiration onto the page and become a creator himself. That’s a good starting point, and there’s a lot of great commentary on that flow between artists and audience throughout these episodes. The Creations themselves are given meaning not by their writers and artists, but from how their audiences react to them and shape their perception. Sota’s part of that audience at the moment, so he likely represents how fans of fiction can translate that fandom into their own creations, finding the courage to let their work suck and improve it from there (”They’re not ready to show to people.” “So when are you gonna show them?” Damn good advice there). And that message isn’t gonna land nearly as strongly if Sota barely registers as more than a glorified extra.

Thankfully, that does seem to be shifting, as Sota’s just become aware of what part he has to play in this mess. As it turns out, the militaristic princess who’s orchestrating this whole mess is Altair, a character of his own creation. At least, partly; there was someone else involved as well, a female classmate who collaborated with him to bring this story to life. And there’s clearly a lot of shit that went wrong there. What happened to split them apart? Did tragedy strike, as suggested by the girl seemingly throwing herself in front of a train in the first episode? Did disagreements drive them apart? How exactly did Altair come into being, both in the story these two wrote and the flesh-and-blood avatar that now threatens to tear the world apart? Is her mission really to reset everything? If so, why? What resentment does she have about her creation that would lead her to such a drastic outcome? And most importantly, why doesn’t Sota share this information with Selesia? Is it just shame keeping him from talking about ti? Writer’s convenience? Or something darker yet? Whatever the case, I have no doubt that Sota’s right about her: ”She’s someone who really hates this world.” And unless they can figure out where that hatred comes from and why, there’s no telling how much damage she’ll be able to cause. Here’s hoping Sota doesn’t keep this revelation hidden much longer.

Odds and Ends

-”For better or worse, characters are often exaggerations.” sakjdhas I mean you’re not wrong

-”Well, it would be boring if I wrote you normal.” Pictured: Literally Me.

-Okay, the dramatic “cookies spell out Creator” scene was just silly.

-”Ms. Ex Machina...” “Are you doing it on purpose?” pfft

-And of course, the war-torn knight is scrupulous about waste. Nice detail.

-”Sorry, I haven’t had time to watch it.” “That hurts.” Lol, called out.

-You know, you could’ve waited a little longer before the flashbang for the joke to land.

-Oh my god Meteora you can’t just raid a military base for ammunition

-”She’s not an object. Don’t talk about her like that.” Heh, nice.

-Magane’s character animation is really fun and sells her unpredictable nature well. Also, she sicced the Monster Manual on that cashier, which I just appreciate.

-Did the Berserk 2016 sound designer work on this? These weapon sounds are very... frying pan.

And on we go. See you next time, where shit likely starts getting real!

#anime #the anime binge-watcher #tabw #re:creators #re creators

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motherstone · 5 years

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Amulet 7: initial manuscript

[...] - my comments

1. The Prisoner - Gabilan is captured by the Elf Army and held for failing to complete his original mission — to kill Trellis. We are introduced to a new ruthless commander of the Elf Army who interrogates Gabilan. Before Gabilan is executed, he makes a spectacular escape, crashing into a farm in the middle of a valley [spectacular?? That bitch nearly got himself killed]. The family living in the farm takes him in and hides him from the elves. Gabilan is nurtured back to health, but has nearly forgotten everything. The family of farmers helps him recover his memories and slowly, old memories begin to return.

2. Downed Bird - Emily, Trellis, and Vigo arrive at the farm in search of Gabilan. Gabilan thinks they're there to hurt his new family (the farmers) so he surprises everyone (including himself) [aklajshkahs] with his fighting ability and defends against the Stonekeepers. Emily and Trellis eventually contains Gabilan and asks for his help. They ask him for the whereabouts of Algos Island and he begins to remember. The farmers prepare their "son" [aww] for the journey ahead and Gabilan joins the Stonekeepers on a journey to Algos Island.

3. Steam Town (?) - Navin, Aly, and Pil are on the road to Valcor and encounter a village in the woods (operating on steam power and built inside the woods). While the stop in town to refuel and plan for their journey, they discover that several bandits have taken over the village and the villagers living in fear. Before our heroes leave town, they decide to do something about the corruption and fix the town of bandits (unreadable at this point) [not to hurt anyone's feelings but goddamn that plot is really unnecessary].

4. Algos Island - Emily, Trellis, and Vigo arrive at Algos Island. They reach a temple where memories are made tangible. This is where Gabilan is able to enter dreams as Stonekeepers do. When they enter, Emily, Trellis, and Vigo find themselves inside Emily's memories, taking them to her father's funeral [ohhh myyy goood we are so fucking robbed]. Emily faces the Voice inside the vexing memory. He explains he is only working to counter the spirit that has overtaken the Elf King. They transition into one of Trellis's memories, where they encounters Trellis's past. He questions his father, but is silenced at every turn. Before his questioning can spread beyond the castle walls, Logi and several high-ranking elves imprison Trellis and put him in a room with Sybrian, the shadow [WHAT THE FUCK THAT'S SO FUCKED UP]. Logi explains to Trellis that this is for the greater good, the elder Elves use Sybrian to silence Trellis for questioning authority, and to make him a good soldier for their cause, thus leading to his appearance in Amulet 1. Trellis's simmering anger leads him to be more susceptible to the powers of Sybrian and the Elf King. Emily and Trellis awaken, processing the weight of the buried memories.

5. Sunrise - Back in Cielis, Vigo guides the two young warriors, Emily and Trellis, to further control their powers. He explains that revisting their most haunting memories were the key to finding the path to rebuilding [Hey kids! I know you just underwent the most messed up trauma but dw this is all necessary to act as if everything is normal :) ]. Vigo suspects that Emily has not fully faced that memory, the way Trellis has [IT'S NOT HER FAULT] . She insists that she is ready, but Vigo tells her she will be ready in time. Emily cuts her hair, gets a new outfit, a new staff, and readies herself how to battle [ONCE AGAIN, ROBBED]. With the help of a — [cut off]

#motherstone meta #motherstone speaks #kazu kibuishi #prince trellis #emily hayes #vigo light #navin hayes #alyson hunter #general pil #gabilan #amulet series #anyways now y'all know #in summary we are robbed

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luckyjak · 5 years

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fic: Lover (2/3)

Link to chapter 1 | A03 Link

It was surprising how easily writing to Essek fit into Caleb’s daily routine. Alarm spell, putting up the dome, counting spell components, preparing spells for the next day, writing in his other notebook, then writing to Essek. He often wrote whole paragraphs about what had happened that day, sometimes even writing pages if it had been a particularly eventful day. Sometimes, if things had been timed just right, Essek was able to respond to his messages immediately, and they were able to talk to one another via text, trading messages back and forth, but most days Caleb wrote in the evenings, and woke up to a response from Essek in the morning.

He wrote about everything, from the mundane to the extreme. He still filtered his thoughts somewhat. He wasn’t stupid; he knew anything he wrote to Essek could still end up in the Bright Queen’s ear. But it was still nice to just talk to him, to write down every crazy thing that had happened in his daily life and have someone else to respond to.

They had made it to Port Damali and had the comfort of an inn, for once. A disastrous day had led them to splurge a little bit, at Fjord’s insistence, that they each deserved a “goddamn bed for the night.” By some miracle, there were even enough rooms for them to each have a private room, if they wanted, which most of them insisted on for at least an evening.

As was habit, he had taken the time before bed to write to Essek:

Fjord almost got sacrificed to a volcano today. Turns out Jester’s not just in a cult, but is actually the leader of said cult. She’s not having a good time right now. On the plus side, the dunamancy spells you’ve taught me keep saving us: Fjord not dead right now because I managed to use the immovable object spell on his whip, keeping him from falling. So thank you, Essek; my friend isn’t dead because of what you taught me.

He yawned and put the book away, intending on sleeping when he felt the vibration of the book, meaning Essek had responded. He pulled it back out immediately. In swirly, elegant handwriting was Essek’s response:

I’m glad Fjord is okay. Jester is the leader of a cult? Why am I not surprised? I’m glad the spell came in handy for more than pranking. No one was injured, I hope?

Caleb grinned, and pulled out his quill to respond.

A few of us are injured. Veth was shot in the leg by a crossbow, and Beau’s shoulder is fucked up, and Yasha is perpetually injured, but we’re fine other than that. Actually get to sleep in a bed tonight, so that will help. How was your day?

He waited a moment to see if Essek would respond, and sure enough the book vibrated again.

Well, no one got sacrificed to a volcano, but to be honest I wouldn’t have minded throwing Imyrn into one if we’d been anywhere near one.

Ha. That’s the accountant, right?

Indeed. He doesn’t seem to be aware of the fact that magic costs gold to cast. “Is there any way we can use charcoal instead of obsidian for our shadow warriors?” No, asshole, that’s not how magic works.

Caleb rolled his eyes. Every wizard in Exandria wishes that’s how it worked.

Right? I wish he’d go bother someone else’s department and leave mine alone.

Caleb frowned into his notebook, and drew a sad frowny face. I’m sorry. It sounds frustrating.

It is. There was a pause, and then the notebook vibrated again. When will you be back in Rosohna?

A good question; one Caleb wished he knew the answer to. Hopefully in the next few days. Fjord has some people he wants to talk to while we’re here in Port Damali, and we may stop by Nicodranas so Jester can see her muther since she’s so distraught. He paused, tapping the quill on the notebook as he thought carefully about what he wanted to say next. I miss you.

I miss you, too. I wish you were here tonight.

Caleb sat the quill down and looked around. The inn was quiet, and his alarm spell was already in place, but that didn’t stop him from taking a moment to stand up and double check to make sure the door was locked before he crawled back into bed, and to Essek’s messages.

Oh? He wrote back cheekily. And what would you do if I was there tonight?

It took Essek a moment to respond: I’d take you to bed with me, darling.

Fuck. That was what he was hoping he’d write. Would you? He wrote back, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. I thought we were taking things slow.

They were, of course, though it wasn’t by choice but rather proximity. There was a point in Caleb’s life when he enjoyed how much the Nein constantly traveled; now he found he wished they could stay in one place (Rosohna) long enough for him to spend more time with Essek.

Writing like this helped, of course, but it was nothing compared to actually being with Essek.

Well, maybe I wouldn’t. But I’d want to. I think about it all the time. Caleb groaned while reading. Are you alone?

Yes. Are you?

Yes.

Caleb slid one hand under the covers, cupping himself lightly. Then tell me what all you want to do to me, liebling.

He would sooner burn his notebook before ever letting anyone ever look at what he and Essek had written to each other that night. But whenever he had the time and the privacy, he found himself rereading what they’d written over, and over, and over again.

It took weeks to get back to Rosohna. After leaving Port Damali, Caduceus had had another vision from the Wildmother, which led to them hunting down the Stone family and reforging another sword, this time for Yasha. It had taken three and a half weeks and had taken them trapezing through the ruins of Draconia, but it was finished, finally.

“Ooh, we should take a break and go to Nicodranas!” Jester suggested, and Caleb felt like he could kill her. “We can go see my mama and Nott’s family!”

“Alternate suggestion: you can go to Nicodranas, and I’ll go back to Roshona and see my boyfriend. We have teleportation circles in both locations; it costs very little for us to go to both places.”

“Sure, let’s split the party. Nothing bad has ever happened because of that, right?” Beau snarked at him.

“Jester has Sending . It takes only a few moments to send a message, and it takes about a minute to teleport. Hopefully nothing attacks us while we’re in two of our home bases.”

“I want to go to Rosohna,” Yasha suggested, her quiet voice supporting Caleb’s idea. “I have bracers there that I never picked up.”

“Oh shit, right, I forgot about that. And I should probably check in with Darion if we’re going there.”

Fjord shrugged. “So we’ll split the party. Caleb can send Jester, Nott, and myself to Nicodranas, and Yasha, Beau, and Caleb can go to Rosohna. Caduceus, where do you want to go?”

The firbolg paused thoughtfully. “I suppose I should check on my garden. I’ll go to Rosohna.”

“And someone should check in with Essek and the Bright Queen, make sure they don’t need us for anything. But I suppose Caleb’s got that covered, huh?” Jester winked, nudging him in the stomach with her elbow.

“I promise if I do nothing else, I’ll be checking in with Essek,” Caleb promised them, keeping his face neutral despite the excitement building in his chest. (It had been weeks. He was allowed to want like this, wasn’t he?)

“Checking in with his pants , more likely,” Beau mumbled. Then “Ow, fuck, it was a joke , Nott!”

“You leave Caleb alone! He’s allowed to be excited about seeing his boyfriend!”

While they were conversing, he pulled out his blue notebook and sent a quick message Essek’s way. Good news! I’m coming back to Rosohna for at least an evening but hopefully longer!

The response was almost immediate. That’s great! There is a formal occasion tonight that requires my presence that I must attend--would you like to join me? It’s bound to be boring but the food with be free.

He was in the process of writing out his acceptance when another of Essek’s messages appeared instead. Actually, extend the invitation to the rest of your group as well. It’s a celebration dinner; the Heroes of the Dynasty should be in attendance. We would have sent out a formal invitation weeks ago, but you guys have been out for awhile.

He scratched out what he had started to write, and instead wrote: Will do.

He shut his messenger book gently. “Change of plans. We’re all going to Roshana. They’re having a fancy formal celebration and would like the Heroes of the Dynasty to make an appearance tonight.”

Jester gasped. “A fancy formal thing? Oh, we get to go shopping! ”

“Oh joy,” Fjord deadpanned.

There was a rush of voices as everyone began discussing what they wanted to do, or where, or what order they should do things.

“Sorry, Veth,” Caleb knelt down beside his friend, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I know you wanted to see your family.”

She shrugged. “It’s fine. I like fancy, formal things,” she paused thoughtfully. “Actually, could you ask Essek if I can bring Yeza and Luc? They may want to come to Roshana for the party and then stay the night.”

“I can ask.”

Essek didn’t mind, and neither did anyone else in the Dynasty; the formal affair was a celebration of the Luxon, the night before the Day of Light celebration in the capital. It’s the first time we’ve had a Beacon of the Luxon home for the Day of Light in almost a century, thanks to your efforts. Essek had written. So bring whoever you want.

That made the excitement of the group go up. It had been afternoon in the ruins of Draconia, but it was still early morning in Nicodranas when they showed up--once again without warning--in Yussah’s tower, and then again in the Lavish Chateau. Jester had tried to convince her mother to come to the evening’s celebration in Rosohna, but the Ruby of the Sea couldn’t be convinced to travel to a foreign city, even just for an evening. Yeza had been pleased to be invited, however, and Luc was excited about magical travel and seeing where his mama worked.

The rest of the day had been a bit of a hurried blur after that; there was shopping to be done, first by selling some of the ruins of Draconia they had managed to grab while traveling to meet the Stones. It had earned them quite a bit of coin, and Jester had insisted that they spend at least part of it on formalwear for the evening. Caleb found he didn’t mind too much; they had the gold to spend, and after weeks of not being able to see Essek, he wanted to impress him if he could.

He ended up buying several outfits of different levels of formality, settling on a dark blue and silver outfit for the evening that, according to various members of his group, brought out the color of his eyes nicely. With Yasha’s help, he shaved off the monstrosity of a beard that had grown in the weeks they spent traveling. He ended up not getting cut up this time, too, which was a bonus. He even got a haircut, trimming several inches off of his ponytail so that his hair wasn’t quite as wild as it had been.

He wasn’t the only one cleaning their act up: both Fjord and Beau had touched up their undercuts, which had gotten ridiculously shaggy since the last time they were in Rosohna. Veth, Jester, and Yasha had opted to keep their hair long, but took the time to braid their hair into a formal updo. Even Yeza ended up shaving his sideburns down a bit, although whether it was because everyone else had or he wanted to do it for his wife, Caleb didn’t know.

Before he knew it, it was evening at the palace of the Bright Queen, decorated in its splendor to an extend Caleb had never seen. The palace was always a beautiful building, the architecture elven and crystalline, but tonight it shine with a magical sort of decadence, the sort of thing that came from a people who lived for thousands of years throughout time immortal, that outshined anything he’d ever encountered in the Empire.

Waiting at the palace gates for him was his lover of a month and a half, wearing the same long mantle he always did, a perpetual scowl on his face.

The scowl melted away the moment he saw him, however. “Caleb,” he said quietly, a soft and gentle smile on his voice, and Caleb wouldn’t have heard him if he wasn’t walking closer as he spoke.

Time seemed to freeze and blur around him as Essek kissed him, quickly but deeply. It wasn’t long enough--would forever be long enough?-- but it was better than nothing he’d lived with for weeks.

Time seemed to resume, and he heard giggling behind him as Essek pulled away. “And the rest of the Mighty Nein, it seems. Good evening.”

Right. He forgot they existed for a moment.

“You gonna kiss every guest to welcome them, or just the special ones?” Beau teased as Essek flushed a darker shade of purple.

“ Beauregard--”

“It’s fine. I shouldn’t have. We are in public, after all,” Essek winced, rubbing the back of his head. He bowed before them, gesturing towards the front of the palace. “If you’ll follow me, please.”

He led them down a long corridor into the Bright Queen’s throne room, which had been decorated in white and silver drapery and crystalline decor. His companions scattered almost immediately: Beau and Yasha to the dance floor, with Jester dragging an uncomfortable looking Fjord behind them. Yeza and Nott had tackled the snack table, and Caduceus was nowhere to be found.

Essek stayed beside him, though, a respectable distance so that someone might mistake them as colleagues, at least until Essek leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Although I should tell you: my sister Meela knows about us.”

Ah. That explained the stiffness. “Meela’s the priestess, right? The oldest?”

“Yes. She’s the High Priestess, actually. She was injured in the Scourager attack months ago, so she’s been at home recovering, temporarily relieved of duty, and it’s led to her meddling out of boredom.” He scowled, his cheeks still a slight dark purple. “She’s insistent on meeting you tonight.”

“Essek, that is fine for me. You have nothing to worry about. I do not mind meeting your sister,” he nodded in the direction of an approaching woman. “Is that her?”

“That would be Meela, yes.” He gestured for her to approach. “Meela, this is Caleb Widogast, arcanist of the Mighty Nein and retriever of the Beacon. Caleb, my oldest sister Meela Thelyss, High Priestess of the Luxon.”

She was plump in a way most drow were not, and her skin more gray compared to Essek’s deep purple. But they were almost certainly related in some fashion: they had the same eyes and the same mouth, although her smile was a bit sharper. She studied Caleb with the scrutiny of a woman who spent long years studying other people, although it was hidden behind kind-looking eyes.

She seemed familiar to Caleb, too, but he chalked it up to her resemblance to Essek. “A pleasure,” she shook his hand, her nails long and sharp. “My, but aren’t you an unexpected surprise? Handsome,” she ran a hand down the side of his face, brushing a stray curl behind his ear. “I like the long hair.”

“ Meela-- ”

“Oh, hush , Essek, I’m not going to embarrass you.” She winked at Caleb, as if to tell him that embarrassing her little brother was her favorite hobby. “It is an honor to have the Hero of the Dynasty here this evening for our celebration. You must tell me more about yourself; my brother has been surprisingly tight-lipped about this whole affair. I had to practically torture him just to get him to admit he was dating you!”

She wrapped an arm around Caleb’s, dragging him away from Essek.

He then proceeded to spend the next half hour going through what felt like the most bizarre interrogation of his life; Meela had wanted to know everything about him, or so it seemed. Where had he grown up? Who taught him magic? Did he regret leaving the Empire? Did he have any friends or family still back in the Empire, or was he loyal to the Dynasty completely? Surprisingly few of her questions involved his relationship with Essek: she seemed more interested in who Caleb was a person and where his loyalties lied than they fact that he was dating her brother.

Luckily, it was time for dinner, and Meela was called away to proceed over the meal, giving Caleb a bit of a reprieve. Essek’s face was flushed as he led Caleb to the table where the meal would be served.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, floating beside Caleb as they walked. “She’s never cared about anyone else I’ve ever dated! I don’t know why she felt the need to interrogate you like that--”

“It’s probably because I’m human,” Caleb pointed out as they joined the crowd. “None of your other boyfriends have been human, have they?”

“No. Well, one was a half-orc, but,” he sighed. “You’re probably right. Still, I apologize. This wasn’t how I wanted the evening to go.”

Feeling invisible by the crowd, Caleb reached down and squeezed Essek’s hand. “Well, the night is still young.”

They didn’t get to sit next to each other, but they did get to sit across from one another, which was a blessing in and of itself. Caleb had to practically jump over Fjord to stop him from sitting across from Essek by accident, but it was fine by the end.

Dinner was served over four courses, including dessert. There was some hesitation on how to eat--the food was served with twin sticks as opposed to forks and spoons, and that had been a lesson in and of itself. Caleb knew how to use them a little bit just because he had eaten out before with Essek in the past; his friends, however, were hilarious in their attempts, much to the thankful amusement of the Bright Queen and her entourage.

He didn’t get to monopolize Essek’s attention, either; a fierce but friendly debate over the nature of reincarnation had sparked across their table, and Essek had Opinions, it seemed, and a need to share them. Beau also had opinions, as did the Minister of Labor, a broad-shouldered bugbear who sat on the Bright Queen’s council not far from them. On the other side of Caleb, Yeza, Caduceus, Nott and the elderly goblin advisor seemed to be discussing the medical properties of mushrooms.

He’d just have to find his own entertainment, then.

Coyly, he ran his foot against the back of Essek’s shin, teasing him lightly. But to his surprise, his boyfriend didn’t respond to his touch, too busy yelling at Beauregard about how wrong she was.

...Perhaps he was simply distracted?

It didn’t matter; soon, Caleb was dragged into a discussion with Fjord about magic, which the Bright Queen herself joined in for.

The next course was served, and tempers were soothed. The discussion at the table was now about some sort of drow sporting game, of which Essek only had occasional polite commentary to offer and seemed almost as bored of the conversation as Caleb. Fjord, Beau, and Jester were being invited to play in a game the next day--an invitation extended to Caleb as well, but which he and Essek both declined, more interested in a game of a different sort.

Caleb tried playing with him again, running his foot down the entire length of his leg, but once again Essek ignored him.

How odd .

The third course was served, but Caleb barely paid it any mind; instead, his mind was furiously trying to connect the dots.

Essek floated everywhere he went. He never went anywhere without his mantle, even to a formal event like tonight, or even a less formal date with Caleb. The mantle was almost certainly enchanted somehow, though Caleb’s detect magic spell couldn’t identify the spell school, which was practically a guarantee that it was dunamancy of some sort. His specialty was time, yes, but part of dunamancy was also the study of gravity .

When they were at the White Dragon’s den, Essek didn’t leave behind footprints in the snow. When the ball bearings were left on the Mighty Nein’s floor, he pushed the ball bearings away naturally.

Essek floated not out of pretension like Caleb had assumed when he first met him, but because he couldn’t walk. His mantle helped him levitate almost constantly. And based on how he hadn’t responded to Caleb’s flirting, he likely couldn’t feel anything in his legs, if Caleb was guessing correctly.

(Was that why he didn’t want to have sex…? Could he have sex, even, if--?)

An impulsive instinct overtook him, and Caleb kicked Essek under the table sharply, in a way that was impossible to ignore and, likely, should have hurt and caused some sort of reaction.

But Essek didn’t respond at all.

Schiesse, but he was right , wasn’t he? Essek was paralyzed, or injured, or something , and Caleb was a stupid fucking idiot who hadn’t noticed before now.

And the winner of the worst boyfriend in the world award goes to me , Caleb thought sullenly. Why hadn’t Essek told him? He could understand not saying anything before, when they weren’t dating and Caleb had technically been nothing more than Essek’s student; frankly, it wasn’t any of Caleb’s business. But now?

And sheisse , he had planned on asking Essek to dance after dinner! What an idiot he was!

Maybe Essek thought he knew already? Caleb tried to reason, but how was Caleb supposed to know? Or maybe he’s embarrassed? But what was there to be embarrassed by, Caleb wondered.

“--leb. Caleb?” Oh, someone was talking to him.

“What is it, Veth?” He asked, shaking himself out of his musing.

“Are you alright?” She asked, three seats away but full of motherly concern. “You haven’t touched your spider legs.”

“ Nein , I’m fine. I just filled up on bread earlier.” He lied, pushing his plate away from him. He couldn’t imagine eating at the moment.

Why hadn’t Essek trusted him?

Like you can even talk about trust, Caleb chided himself. How much about himself had he not told Essek, either? Trust was a two-way street, and it seemed like it was something they both struggled with.

He was about to spiral into another depressive episode when he felt a hand on his thigh. Looking down into his lap he saw a spectral mage hand, different from the one Nott normally summoned, a shimmering translucent purple slender hand, tracing circles onto his pants.

He looked up to see Essek wink at him before he continued his conversation with Yeza about plants.

Oh, but he was a fool, wasn’t he? Caleb felt his heart race in his chest, threatening to burst from the amount of affection he felt for the dark elf. Did it even matter that he and Essek didn’t trust one another? They still liked one another, and that alone was a feeling worth pursuing. How long had it been since he felt like this? Since he just simply liked something (or in this case, someone) exactly as it was, without feeling guilty or ashamed for wanting something?

He spent the rest of the meal playing with the spectral hand on his thigh, occasionally rubbing his foot against Essek’s leg, unsure if Essek could feel what he was doing, but no longer caring. It was enough to just touch him, even if Essek couldn’t touch him back.

After dinner there were speeches, and a lot of them. It was nearing midnight, and Caleb was reaching a point of exhaustion, yet still he stood beside Essek as other members of the council gave their speeches. The first was from the Minister of Labor, who had a grand speech about working together in the face of adversity, how what made Xhorhas strong was their willingness to come together.

“Do you have to give a speech like this?” Caleb inquired, which was met with an amused chuckle from his beloved.

“No,” Essek scooted closer to him, reaching down to take Caleb’s hand in his own. “Thankfully.”

Then the War General spoke about the war efforts and how Xhorhas was prevailing against the evils of the Empire. Caleb tried not to listen to him much, instead focusing on the warmth of Essek’s hand wrapped in his.

“I’d like to dance with you,” Essek whispered into his ear; Caleb felt himself blush. “Later, on the balcony, after most people leave. If you’d like.”

“I’d love to.”

Next came the Sky Sibil, who talked about the history of Xhorhas and the light of the Luxon, and the importance of the holiday and the promise of rebirth.

After the Sky Sibil, the Bright Queen herself spoke, her voice regal. No one spoke while she spoke; no one dared. She thanked the Mighty Nein for bringing the Luxon to the Dynasty, and she spoke about how they still searched for the remaining Beacons, but that she had faith they’d return to them soon enough.

“I realize it’s late in the evening,” the Queen promised. “But I’d like to close our evening with a prayer. High Priestess Thelyss, if you would be so kind…?”

Suddenly, Essek tensed. “Something’s wrong,” he explained, letting go of Caleb’s hand and stepping closer to the dias where the rest of the council stood.

What happened next was something out of a nightmare: Essek’s sister approached the Bright Queen, embracing her tightly before stabbing her in the back, quite literally.

The disguise spell wore off immediately, as her form shifted from that of Essek’s sister to that of a short human woman with cropped dark hair, her knife bloody as the Bright Queen’s body crumbled. He would recognize the woman anywhere, even if it had been sixteen years since he saw her last.

Astrid.

#critical role #shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #astrid cr

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tessatechaitea · 5 years

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Teen Titans Spotlight #2: Starfire

Did Starfire end Apartheid?!

#Teen Titans Spotlight #Starfire #DC Comics #DC

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spideybitey18 · 6 years

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Should I Stay.. Or Should I Go? (Part 3)

Hey guys! I’m back with part 3 with my Soulmate!au. I am really sorry about the wait but here you are. I’m so thankful about the responses i’m getting with this series, there is so much positivity and i love that so much! THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! Please enjoy reading and please leave any feedbak as that would be greatly appreciated <3 <3

Warnings: ANgst, heartbreak, not edited

Y/N - Your name

Should I Stay... Or Should I Go?? - Tom Holland Series

You woke up with a start. Your eyes wide open with fear, your muscles achy and throbbing from the lack of movement. Moving your eyes around frantically, you noticed that the room you were in belonged to no one else other than Tom. Which meant that you were lying in his bed.

You were all alone, in the darkened room with the fan on high as the only source of noise, until you heard a broken sob from outside of the room.

“Tom! Mate you need to stop”

Multiple thuds resonated throughout the house as if someone was punching a wall. Each punch left an echo of pain down the hallway. Your throat was too dry to yell out, your instincts telling you it was Tom who was injuring himself. You wanted to scream, to shout out that you were awake and okay, you wanted him to know that you were here and well alive by the feel of it. God knows what you looked like though. How much time has passed? How long have you been unconscious? You slowly twiddled your fingers to create any sort of circulation in your stiff fingers. You lifted the warm blanket off of you after a few minutes, before quickly noticing that you weren’t in the same attire that you wore on the night that everything had happened. Your eyes ran over the different pictures of Tessa on the pants you wore, assuming that the owner of these pair of pyjamas was Nikki.

The sounds of the wall being punched resided, only to be followed by a frustrated yell.

“This is all my fault.. everything is all my fault..” The person shouted, the voice cracking painfully. You could recognise that voice from anywhere. It was Tom’s.

You gasped, your eyes tearing up at the fact that he was only in the next room, a few feet away from you. You needed him, you wanted him to know that you were awake. You wanted nothing but for him to engulf you in his arms and tell you everything was going to be okay. The familiar feeling of your heart throbbing caused you to let out a silent whimper.

A tear fell from your cheek, your lips quivering pathetically knowing you couldn’t do anything but hear Tom sobbing in the next room.

“She most likely will be dead because of me.. All of this bullshit soulmate nonsense about choosing to live or di-”

“That’s nonsense Tom, you know that’s not true, she would never leave you and you know that. She wouldn’t want you to give up like this mate” Another voice spoke up, the voice sounding like Harrison’s.

You stiffly nodded as if you were there, as if Tom could see you agreeing to every word Harrison said.

“Why didn’t she tell me! All of this could’ve been avoided, what? Didn’t she trust me!” Tom yelled, his voice raw with emotion, the shards of his broken heart spilling out with each word.

“I saw it..” Tom mumbled.

“See wha-”

“I saw my initials. I can’t believe I never noticed them” he sighed, “Why didn’t she ever tell me?”

“She was afraid Tom.. she was afraid of rejection. You mean so much to her, heck you were her world”

“You aren’t making me feel any better Haz, i treated her like shit, i tossed her aside like she was nothing.. god i’m such a bastard” Tom whined, his eyes tearing up once again.

“You didn’t toss her aside you found Zendaya, your soulmate. She backed away and accepted it, that’s why she kept quiet. You need to talk to her when she wakes-“

“IF she wakes up” Tom interrupted, his voice laced with bitterness.

“She WILL wake up”

You moved your lips to speak, but nothing fell out as if you have no voice to begin with.

You groaned internally, wanting nothing but to be reunited with Tom. You wanted him here, you needed him here. You wanted to take away all of his guilt, Afterall you forgave him long ago before any of this even took place.

“T-tom” You whimpered, the tiniest of sounds leaving your chapped lips before getting lost in the whirlwind of noise coming from the fan. Goddamn it.

Your throat felt sore and raw from the attempts of speaking. You wanted to scream out your frustrations, but you knew it could never happen.

You heard footsteps moving, the noise sounding distant as each step was taken. You shook with fear, knowing that the two boys must be leaving.

“We’ll go get a beer mate, Nikki is in the kitchen so she will be here with Y/N” Harrison spoke up, his voice bouncing off the walls and into Tom’s room. Frantically you looked around to find something that you could use to create noise so that they couldn’t leave. Your eyes fell on your bag that was perched on the bedside table next to you.

You weakly pushed the bag onto the floor with your weak arm, the pain surging through your veins causing you to jolt, your body slipping off the edge of the bed. The impact of your body and your bag falling onto the floor created a loud thud. You cried out silently, your frail body curling into a ball on the hardened floor. Tears welled up in your eyes as you silently prayed that the boys heard the commotion. Your body screamed with pain, your sobs coming out silently wishing that Tom was here to hold you.

Just as the boys finished putting their shoes on, a loud thud was heard coming from down the hallway. Both boys heads snapped towards the direction of Tom’s room.

“Shit, did you hear that?” Tom whispered, his eyes wide with worry.

Without another word, Tom bolted down the hallway, the fear of something happening to you clogging up his throat.

He reached his room in a matter of seconds, his heart racing at a fast pace.

He noticed your body on the floor in a curled up position, and your shoulders shaking due to the silent sobs leaving your body. Upon hearing the rush of footsteps, you lightly craned your neck to look up at who was at the door. You noticed Tom was standing there in shock, with a worried Harrison behind him. You gasped, the small sound snapping Tom out of his trance. He hurriedly reached down to your level, his arms wrapping around you, lifting you back onto his bed. His heart throbbed at how small and frail you felt in his arms, you felt and looked like a skeleton.

“Darling, are you all right?” Tom asked, his eyes filled with worry and panic as he scanned your face and body for any injuries. You weakly smiled even In your state, the happiness filling your cheeks as your gazed up at Tom, your soulmate.

“I’m o-okay” You whimpered, your voice coming out in broken whispers, “now that you are here”.

“Darling…” Tom whimpered, his eyes watering at the sight of you. His heart was filled with pain as he watched you smile up at him, even when you were hurt. You were a beautiful warrior, he knew that for sure. The guilt was slowly eating him up again, knowing that he was the cause of all of this. He couldn’t bring himself to genuinely smile back at you. He hesitantly moved away from you, his ears ringing with insecurities. He watched as your face fell at his move, his heart cracking beyond repair. He was the cause of all of this, this was all his fault… maybe you were better off without him.

He gasped, his tears pooling and blurring his vision as you moved your arms to reach out to him, your arms weak and shaky. He shook his head frantically, “I- I can’t do this”.

He hurriedly ran out of his room, running a hand through his curly locks, the frustrations eating him up alive. He thought he could handle this, he thought that once he knew you were awake he would do everything in his power to make you happy again, he made a promise to himself.

but now he was doing the complete opposite..

…I will only be hurting her more, he thought.

You watched as he left the room, your heart strings snapping all at once, as the love of your life left you in his room without a second glance.

Harrison stood at the door dumbfounded, as he watched two soulmates break apart once again. He hesitated with following Tom, but decided he was going to stay here with you. Tom was going to be okay, he thought, he just needs time.

He weakly smiled your way, noticing the blank expression you held. He softly sat on the bed, his hand reaching to hold yours, careful not to hurt you. Your lips quivered, as you gazed back into his icy blue eyes.

“You are a trooper, Y/N” He whispered, his hand lightly squeezing yours.

Your lips upturned lightly, silently appreciating his kind words.

Your dull and red eyes blinked back at his, the shock of Tom’s quick exit swirling around in your exhausted brain.

“H-he knows?”

Harrison gulped, “Y-yeah”

“How?”

Harrison’s lips moved to speak before he hesitated, as if the words were caught up in his throat. He sighed, before he squeezed your hand again in comfort.

“That night, when everything started..” he paused, his eyes shut as if he was trying to push the thoughts away, “That night…”

“Harrison p-please tell me” You mumbled, your eyes searching for his eagerly but he refused to have any eye contact.

“You died Y/n. You died and Tom had to perform CPR, hence why he saw your initials because he had to take your woolly jumper off”

“I d-died?”

Lmao this is fiction so yeah, she died and came back to life. What did you guys think of part 3!? Part 4 will be posted very soon <3

TAGLIST: @dlmafa1 @lucyoriginates @peter-is-the-best-avenger @smexylemony @ermalaynae @ @lou-la-lou @spider-strange-iron-loki @flashcal @from-heroes-to-dust @greenarrowhead @adventurousbooknerd @trumpettay @loxbbg @blvckandboujiee @racewife2004 @choke-me-sweet-pea @annoyingzanna @wtfsylen @mac-demarco1 @accalialionheart @parkersvlog @allie-otome @lol-just-kidding002 @gwanpool @carolyns14 @myaesthetic-is-peace @delicately-important-trash @fancyxholland @purple-storm @daeosii @mrsdiamonddolan @acceptance07 @blushybryan @thesarahn @crestfallenunicorn @sleepybesson

#tom holland #tom holland imagines #tom #holland #tom holland angst #angst #soulmate #tom holland x you #Reader x Tom #tom x reader #reader x tom holland #angsty #Part8 #spideybitey #harrison osterfeild #haz #osterfeild #tom holland soulmate au

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