twowriters

[thesoullinkedteacherandstudent]

💙Welcome to Hamal Bay!💙

~🔹~

”The Soul-Linked Teacher and Student” is my dream Filipino animated project. A (probably) one season show with only 15 episodes.

“The series follows Avery Enrique, a cynical yet well-meaning MAPEH teacher at a prestigious school for the catholic youth, who struggles with his personal life and long-term struggles from childhood to his adult years. But when he meets a peppy but shy girl named Pepper Corneto, things go south for Avery. Now dappling with his crippling life and random astral projections when he sleeps, Avery has to face all of these and one in particular; trying to connect with Pepper.”

The series will heavily focus on both the mundane lives of both Avery and Pepper, as well their blossoming friendship as the series goes on. Filled with themes of addiction, love, depression, family pressure, and the importance of friendship regardless of age, this will be one heck of an emotional rollercoaster (I assume).

The series also takes elements from how souls are depicted in the tagalog ethic group, which also includes a few of the filipino gods from Filipino mythology.

Warning: The series will be intended for teens and up, meaning that there will be sensitive and suggestive content like swearing (although medium swearing in the show, most of it is censored), alcohol consumption, questionable moments (yes there’s dirty humor in this), and other topics not suitable for children. Also, this show will be containing flashing lights, bright colors, and scenes that contain stroboscopic effects that be sensitive to people who are photosensitive.

Main:

Avery Enrique - One of the main protagonists of the series; a skittish, but understandable, kind, and sincere MAPEH teacher who acts as Pepper’s Adviser (teacher who advises a section); but suffers from burnout and self-loathing. But when he experiences astral projections in his sleep, he tries to cope with these new things he’s facing.

Pepper Corneto - The second main protagonist of the series; a peppy, artistic, loyal, but shy, sardonic, and often temperamental teenager who’s one of Avery’s student. Like Avery, she also suffers from her own self-loathing due to academic pressure from her parents (especially her mother), but finds Hamal Bay as an escapism from all her problems. But her problems don’t go away that easily…

Recurring Characters:

Other than the two protagonists, there are other characters in the show that accompany the main duo. (Here’s a few):

Reggie “Reg” Dilag - The smug and charismatic ICT teacher of Pepper’s class and Avery’s colleague and best friend

Valarie Corneto - The strict yet determined mother of Pepper, who pressures her to do her best

Elroy Corneto - The lazy yet hardworking father of Pepper, who often times supports his daughter

Quinton Corneto - The hyperactive younger brother of Pepper

Emmett Vega - A headstrong yet stressed out English teacher of Pepper’s class and Avery’s colleague and love interest

Reyna - The Guardian of Hamal Bay whose duty is to take care of the souls there, dead or alive. She’s usually accompanied by Bathala and Sitan (and occasionally the God, Buwaya)

Berry Nugget - A “soul duck” that resembles a blueberry, who’s also Pepper’s pet in Hamal Bay

And many others…

This is just in its baby phase, meaning that there’s going to be a lot of changes in the future. But hope to like this blog I made.

[odara]

Little Orphaned Girl

I’ve been feeling extremely lonely. And it’s to the point where I’m afraid of myself. I’m disappointed in my actions. I’ve done things out of desperation just to feel connected to something, anything. I’m embarrassed, I’m sad. And the worst of it all I feel like I can’t stop the self sabotage.

While 2020 wasn’t the year all of my troubles began, it was the hole in the ship that shook up the trajectory of my life. The passing of my father, my ongoing strained relationship with my mother and me running from confronting my grief have had me on an emotional rollercoaster.

The reoccurring theme that’s been haunting me is the feeling of abandonment. I think this was awakened after the loss of my dad. He was truly my best friend. And grief has really brought to the forefront how much I truly relied on his presence. Although I’d been both my parents sole caretaker for the past decade, I’d say I needed them just as much as they needed me. My dad specifically is what kept breathing life into me. I had to be here because of him. He’s the person who always encouraged me, always had my back, always held me accountable even if it hurt my feelings. I was his stubborn baby girl.

One of our last conversations when he was coherent between his episodes of dementia, I remember him being fussy telling me he could take care of himself and to leave him alone lol. He told me to live my own life and go find my own way. Those words have echoed in my heart ever since. Because he truly wanted me to be happy. On my own, outside of him. But I realize now that I was never truly prepared for that. I was terrified, actually. Because it meant confronting the very things I’ve been running from my whole life. Which I now believe is finding and loving myself.

Shortly after his passing in 2020 I brought my mother who’d been in and out of assisted care homes back home to live with me. It was something I’d never planned on doing for a number of reasons. Our toxic relationship and because I just could no longer care for her in the physical condition she was in, she needed and deserved professional care. But in the height of the pandemic she’d been hospitalized with Covid and almost didn’t make it herself. So I brought her home completely bed ridden and cared for her by myself for 2 years before finding a stable place for her to go.

It’s been a few months since she’s moved out now, and while not having to care for her 24/7 has been a relief, it’s also shined a light on how alone I really am. And I’ve been really trying to find a sense of purpose. Dedicating a huge fragment of my life to care for ill parents has taken a toll on me in every way. The biggest and most centering thing right now is realizing I don’t have community. I literally have no one. While I have distanced myself from the majority of family because of toxic relationships, I’ve also lost a few close friendships along the way.

I have about 4 consistent friendships with some really amazing people. But none of them live here. While that’s never mattered in the decade we’ve known one another, it just feels even more in my face right now. Of course my ongoing depression doesn’t help. The loneliness feels crippling. I think about my friends lives and they all have community. They all have people in their lives who care for them, and most importantly who they can reach out and touch. I long for that. I long for connections that I can feel beyond distance.

I take accountability in not being very proactive in doing my part to establish and build new relationships. It’s hard. Building community at my age….is work. And with crippling anxiety and depression to ice the cake I’ve been less likely to even leave my house for days at a time. All of which leads to my habits of unhealthy coping and unhealthy attachment issues.

I don’t know why, but since the loss of my dad I’ve had this strong desire to be around masculine energy. I wasn’t dating and had no time for a lot of personal things while I was caretaking. But now my desire and interest in romantic relationships is overwhelmingly high. I want to feel cared for, desired and safe. Which is something I’ve never had before in an intimate relationship.

Right in the midst of my dad passing, I developed a closer relationship with someone I’ve known via social media for over 10 years. In the past 2 years we’d got really close. He doesn’t live here, but the distance never came between my fondness for him. And he was what I desperately needed during that time. There’s a lot of depth to his story which I’ll save for another time. But I later realized he felt so good to me because he was a distraction from my pain. With him, I could focus on just our relationship. And none of the heavy things were on the front of my mind anymore. It was a very toxic and tumultuous relationship but none of that ever outweighed the fact that he just made me feel like I was cared for and thought about. And that someone desired me in a way I’ve never experienced before. It felt like intimacy. And I wanted and needed it badly.

Sadly, as much as I wanted the idea of him to be my reality. It wasn’t. He had a side that was mean, and manipulative and abusive. I don’t think he’s capable of empathy. And as many times as he showed me he was incapable of being someone safe. I continued to engage and want more of him. For the sole reason that he was all I had. And all I felt I deserved. My self esteem is nonexistent. And no matter what was happening in my life or who walked away, he was always there. And now I realize that’s because there was something he desired or needed from the connection too. I knew the day would come where we would eventually part ways but I honestly thought I would’ve been the one to make that decision. And I’m so disappointed in myself for not. But I’m also thankful that he did it for me. Because I don’t know when or if I would have. We were bad for each other. I had a lot of insecurities and needed reassurance. I wasn’t the most emotionally mature and I’m still working on how to communicate my needs. I lacked enforcing boundaries and he was very good at crossing them. My feelings never mattered to him. But his had to be on a pedestal or he’d throw me away. That’s how much I “meant” to him. I gave in and gave him what he wanted most times. But the times I didn’t he made it clear how he’d dispose of me and never look back. I was too scared to lose him, bc without him what else did I have? I was too afraid to be alone. That was dangerous. But the day of reckoning finally came and here I am, alone.

I’ve made desperate attempts of trying to reconnect with him. But he ignored. There was no grand finale to our ending just a deafening silence. No conversation. No goodbye. Just silence. Ghosted. Though we hadn’t spoken in months, he sent me money on my birthday with a short note. “Do something you wouldn’t usually do”. It was odd and confusing, and manipulative as fuck. I thanked him but no response.

There was another connection I had over the summer with someone else. Someone I’d grown to like. It was very surface level and I knew he only wanted to fuck me. He was never intentional about anything outside of that. So I knew. I talked to him a lot about my insecurities and how nervous I was to be with him. He didn’t care. It took 5 years of discourse before I even got the nerve. There was nothing significant or special about him. But I liked him, and I enjoyed talking to him. And for some reason I felt safe. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me in the way I’d been hurt. He felt safe enough to let my guard down and overcome my fear and battle with feeling undesirable. So I said fuck it. And fucked.

It’s funny how intuitive we are but choose to ignore things that have always been obvious. As inconsistent as he always was and his lack of effort had always been…I still chose to believe there was some level of care involved. Ha.Ha. Twice I’ve been a fool I guess. He got distant after he got what he wanted. I initially was ok with that because I kind of got what I wanted too. He served a purpose for me. And that was to let my guard down and get past my insecurities. While how he chose to handle me after didn’t do anything for my insecurities…hell it probably made them worse. I’m still proud of myself for just saying fuck it. He was the vessel I needed to get through that. And I keep trying to remind myself he served his purpose. His job is done.

But of course Miss Anxiety girl couldn’t let it go. I tried to get clarity from him as to what changed. Because after all, things didn’t have to. This was surface level. We were just cool. But being disposed of back to back triggered the fuck out of me. I made attempts. Multiple attempts. While I believe his very vague reasoning and reassurance that it was solely due to whatever he had going on and nothing to do with me…my anxious brain tells me that can’t be true. Whatever the case I’ll never truly know. And I have to be fine with that. But damn, nigga. We can’t even be cordial? It’s just unsettling. Especially when there was no rift.

I’m embarrassed. I’m ashamed. I’m offended. I’m embarrassed of myself because I still wanted to make these connections work. After being disposed of like garbage I still wanted their attention. I was desperate to have something. Even though they made it very clear they want nothing to do with me and whatever their need was had been fulfilled. I still in a way wanted to believe that not to be reality. But it is. And here I am. Facing myself and my aloneness. And trying to let go. Why is it so fucking hard to let go of what’s already let go of me. I’m stronger than this. I know I deserve better. I know these are people who have no significance in my life. Hell, I know neither of them were ever deserving of me in their wildest dreams. But why am I still holding on to these feelings so tightly. I feel so broken.

[raid3r-r4bbit]

2, 10, 14, and 24 for all 💖

this was far more depressing then i wanted it to be my bad lol

Jolt

Jolt has crippling anxiety. He hides it really well under a very thick layering of anger, sarcasm and apathy, but once it's stripped away he'd likely be prone to regular panic attacks.

Also, He's suprisingly great with kids. He's a great teacher and mentor, having a lot of expericence on his resume; and in 'pre-war' or 'irl' situation he'd probably have become a teacher or guideance councelor.

I have had Jolt in many AU's. He's been half dragon demon, a ghost, a zombue ghost, and also a cyberpunk mercenary. so i cant really think of many more AU's id like to put him in. ( this goes for all of them, rikki having had the least and jolt the most. Bux and Keres are actually split from the same oc, and you can see various peices of the them throughout the (many) years, if I could find my old sketchbooks.)

Cold and unfeeling. He wants to be preceived as a force to not to be reckoned with, something not to fuck with. He'd like his enimies and oppenents to be near pissing themselves at the sight of him.

If his parents never left the farm, or stayed in Arizona with the NCR, He likely would have stayed a farmhand, or possibly a trader. He would have probably lived a suprisingly normal life.

If he'd stayed with his siblings ( i cant spoil to much can I?) he'd still be with them, and again, would have had a surprisingly normal life with a slightly less traumatic past.

Bux

Bux is pretty open about all of his feelings, but he's got a very bitter side to him. he puts out a stupid goofy manic persona but he's very bitter and angry. maybe not the most hidden thing, I guess? but it's a very toxic, seething bitterness that if he didnt have any support or crutch would likely make Jolt's bitter persona look silly.

same again. I even made him an alien, twice. I'd say irl for him but ngl i basically ripped myself in half to make jolt and bux, so his irl life is basically just… my own… (farm, abusive parents, running away, drugs, mental health issues, its not really fun irl i guess?)

Depends on the person, he likes to be seen as a goofy funny guy to people he likes, but to people he doesnt he'd rather … not be seen by them.

When his parents divorced, (this comes up pretty early on so it's not much of a spoiler) he'd either have lived a normal life or still ended up with Keres and the others if his mother had taken him with her. ( btw by normal i mean as normal for that environment as possible)

Keres

Keres has the least amount of trauma of the enitre group. They still struggle, however. (lmao, me, with untraumatized characters? never.) hwoever, they have the healthiest coping mechanism, facing this stuff head on.

Keres never technically had a cyberpunk phase, nor a ghost phase. they were still a demon, when i split them and bux apart, and then later when i fused them back together ( and apart again) they remained the same. I'd love to speculate on an irl version of them though.

as a teacher or mentor, a guide. Alternatively, as an equal.

Keres' and Rikki's backstory are both pretty still un talked about by me, but without spoiling anything, Keres would have likely become a leader of their group. Their life would have still likely mimicked what it is now just more calm. (they kinda end up the same in every path.)

Rikki

this poor baby where to start? genuinly the most trauma of the entire group. (haha im so fuckin not sorry) she's the only one who genuinly uses drugs to medicate herself and not just to get high. She can't handle being cornered, confrontation, correction, it'll break her.

But she's also a suprising confidant. Her own pain makes her easy to vent to, and she'd keep any secret completely under lock and key.

10: same again. rikki was a ghost, demon, vampire, and while she was never technically made into a cyberpunky character i have others that kinda fill her place. still would like to see an offical version now. im not good with au's i guess?

14: happy and friendly. healthy, okay, fine, all good, nothing wrong.

If not for the events that led to her being where she is now she'd be dead. everyone else is on a 'dark' version of their own paths in this story. Rikki is on the best path her life could have gone.

[pseudogirlie]

cherry pie :^)

[starry-skies-116]

All is well in The Afton Family Apparently~

First we have just some guy/businessman, but that guy’s actually a literal sociopath/dark empath that’s driven to the brink of insanity by his youngest son’s death and starts taking it out on other kids (including offing his best friends)

Then we have literally one of the best mothers ever someone give this woman a hug and a massive raise at her job

Then we have a dramatic ass gay thespian teenage boy, but he’s secretly a hormonal teenager who secretly copes with emotional neglect and authoritarian parenting from his Dad by running away from his responsibilities and ignoring his true feelings- also parentified at a young ass age, someone help the poor guy. (Also he’s a dyslexic synesthesiac, crowds and glitching screens basically are a surefire way to mindfuck him).

The middle child that doesn't know what having a fixed gender or what sexual and romantic attraction is, and he’s the smart, nerdy and spiritually mature child but also a chronically mentally ill autistic baby with raging queerness who grew up undiagnosed, bullied and severely emotionally neglected and continues silently spiraling into further crippling depression and psychosis due to being the ‘outlier’ +his guilty conscience, nightmares and hallucinations and delusions, and heavy suicidal ideation that literally nobody knows about not even his own family as his environment crumbles around him leaving him more and more traumatized (SCHIZOAFFECTIVE DISORDER GO BRR).

The youngest and most responsible child and only daughter and the golden child, except BURNT OUT GIFTED KID SYNDROME WHO CAN’T EVER FEEL PROUD OF HER ACCOMPLISHMENTS EVER AGAIN AND HAS TO TAKE CARE OF THOSE WHO ARE OLDER THAN HER AND HAS RESPONSIBILITY THRUST UPON HER EVERY DAMN TIME (UNDIAGNOSED ADHD AND ANXIETY WE LOVE TO SEE IT).

Then one goes MIA, one ends up trapped in a rotting yellow bunny suit and goes on to evolve into the overarching villain disguised as a fucking computer virus.

Then another has his head crushed by an animatronic and his soul and essence shattered and scattered into smithereens, his body reforged on the fundamental level via manipulation of remnant and both physical and metaphysical +biological matter down to his very blood, flesh, organs and bones, reengineering EVERY FUCKING CELL AND ATOM AND MOLECULE OF HIS BODY into an immortal, near-perfect artificial cyborg robo-body before. literally being sealed away into a 60 year long slumber and waking up before committing some crimes VERY hesitantly to mourn his trauma and repressed rage and grief and try to find/fix his family as well as recollect his memories/remaining shattered "self".

Another gets trapped inside an animatronic she's obsessed with before proceeding to be trapped in an underground facility, then also commits several atrocities before being lured into and trapped inside a burning Pizzeria, then she merges souls with a girl born into the future and becomes a security guard who's also a bunny suit-wearing serial killer.

And then another gets a fucking organ transplant with an oversized spoon, gets piloted around like a mech-suit by his younger sibling, vomits machinery out and turns into a purple and rotting walking reanimated corpse via the sheer power of human souls and life-creating, reality-altering substances, burns down in a Pizzeria with his father and sister, and then possesses/takes refuge inside the body of a futuristic animatronic before proceeding to reunite with his younger brother, both of whom remain oblivious to the other's identities (including their sister's and Father's) and he gets piloted around like a fucking Voltron or MechX4 mech suit. Again.

Come join the trauma family today lol~

[therealvinelle]

Submasterpost: Harry Potter

Last updated: 24th of December

Thoughts on the books:

Why I don't think they're good

Thoughts on JKR and Meyer's strengths and weaknesses

Were there significant changes in the movies?

How would the Muffin have ended them?

Tom Riddle:

“Burn, baby, burn!” - Tom Riddle, ca. 1970

Tom Riddle: A Reasonable Man Living In an Unreasonable World

Now What’s a Dark Lord Like You Doing With a Crippling Depression Like That?

Lord Voldemort Is The Dread Pirate Roberts

Lord Voldemort Also Flinches Upon Hearing His Name, But For a Different Reason

Tom Riddle Was Not Illiterate

Tom Riddle and Muggles

Why One Should Always Picture Tom Riddle With a Rose Between His Teeth and Poetry Under His Arm

Tom Riddle/Hermione Granger, Misery style

How truthful were the memories Dumbledore showed Harry of Tom Riddle?

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE ‘T’ IN VOLDEMORT?

Because bi not

Why did he go after Harry and not Neville?

What if Tom created Twilight vampires?

What if Tom Riddle was a god?

On Tom Riddle being able to create a horcrux, or: on intelligence and horcruxes

What if Tom Riddle waited for Dumbledore to die before doing anything?

On fanon Tom

Were there anybody he cared about?

Tom’s bogart and patronus

Would Tom enjoy immortality?

Is he more Walter White or Jimmy McGill?

What if the horcrux connection was a two-way mirror, allowing Tom insight into what Harry was up to?

Tom is reborn, and must redo his life. What does he do?

Tom Riddle is adopted by Muggles. Would this change things?

Albus Dumbledore:

He’s misogynistic

How did his time period influence him?

Great with kids

Other characters who don’t get their own category:

Thoughts on Cedric Diggory, Cho Chang, Marietta Edgecombe, and Colin Creevy

Could the cast of Harry Potter catch Kira? What about Tom Riddle and Lily Evans in a buddy cop AU?

Who should have killed Bellatrix?

Madeye Moody lives in a world with Twilight vampires (or thinks he does). How does he cope?

What if Petunia wasn't jealous of Lily?

What if Sirius didn't die?

Worldbuilding:

A History of Magic: Why It’s All Made Up (Featuring Helena Ravenclaw, a Con Artist)

Knights of Walpurhisnicht

Why do they marry so early?

Do wizards understand science?

On turning Muggleborns against Muggles

A fabricated, yet plausible history of magic

Is there an upper limit to magic? What even is it?

Is the DADA position cursed?

Why did no one interfere when Harry was being abused?

The movies:

Anon wants a fancast but doesn’t get one

Ships:

Albus Dumbledore/Tom Riddle:

Could it happen? (NOPE)

The Muffin is forced to write a fic. How would she go about it?

Albus Dumbledore & Tom Riddle:

No, Dumbledore was never going to like Tom

Harry/Peter:

Could it happen? (JESUS CHRIST WHY DO YOU WANT THIS ANON)

Harry/Sirius:

Y/N? (N!!!!!)

Harry/Tom:

What if Harry and Tom Riddle were soulmates?

Hermione/Dumbledore:

Could it happen?

Hermione/Ron:

Hermione/Ron: Boring Boat

What do they each look for in a partner?

Hermione & Umbridge

How was their relationship affected by the end of Order of the Phoenix?

Lily & Petunia:

Explaining their relationship

Movies:

Thoughts on the Movies

Who would I cast as Voldemort?

Other:

What the Hell Is the Cused Child

Art and Meta Combo for How the Muffin Visualizes Harry, Hermione, Ron, Draco, and Tom Riddle

Thoughts on the Death Eater McGonagall theory

What would a CW adaption of Harry Potter look like?

Thoughts on the epilogue

On accents 

One of the main HP characters has a squib child. What shenanigans ensue?

Visualizing Tom Riddle, Cedric Diggory, and Sirius Black

Might the Potters have survived if Dumbledore hadn't taken the invisibility cloak?

What if the prophecy was misinterpreted, and someone other than Harry was the chosen one?

What happens to the souls of those kissed by dementors?

Hermione, Ron, and Harry fight. Who wins?

Harry as the son of Rodolphus and Bellatrix, or: Bellatrix gets an abortion

Crossovers:

Tom Riddle and Light Yagami attend Hogwarts at the same time. Shenanigans?

What does Dumbledore make of the budding Tom-Light friendship?

Darth Vader is transported into the Harry Potter universe

Harry is reborn as Anakin Skywalker

[somethingwittyandsarcastic]

My biggest question after Elder Andersen’s outrageous talk this afternoon is: What about me?

I suffer from what can be crippling anxiety and what my nurse practitioner has vaguely diagnosed as a “mood disorder” (she’s said she would be comfortable calling it bipolar disorder, but has neglected to say which version). I am on five different medications to manage my disorders. I am not mentally or emotionally stable without these medications. I have had episodes so bad I’ve contemplated suicide when I’ve gone off these medications. I need these medications to stay alive.

On top of that, every month, when my hormonal cycle decides to punish me for not getting pregnant, my medications seem to become void in my system. I experience heightened emotional states as well as the numbing weight of short depressive episodes as I go through PMS. It’s not fun. These times have been even worse when I’ve been off my medications for one reason or another. Again, to the point of contemplating suicide.

So, tell me, Elder Andersen, what about me? I have already made the decision based on what it’s like going off my medication and how my hormonal cycles already go that I should not become pregnant. My medications are the kind that high doses might cause birth defects and the lower dosages wouldn’t be enough to help me deal with the upheaval of pregnancy. I am not underselling my ability to cope with things at all when I say that I could not handle the highs and lows of a pregnancy, even with medication. I know myself well enough to know that I would likely not survive a pregnancy or the aftereffects of childbirth.

I also do not feel that I have the mental or emotional capacity to raise a child, so that’s not even an incentive for me to suffer through what I view as the horrors of pregnancy and childbirth.

So, what about me? If I got pregnant tomorrow, I would get an abortion. If I got pregnant five or ten years from now, married to a partner who could get me pregnant, I would get an abortion. Does mental health even register for a moment to you on the “list of reasons someone might get an abortion”? Does it even occur to you that some people can’t handle the changing of their bodies beyond their control? Does it occur to you that some of us simply don’t want to be pregnant or give birth? Does it occur to you that the reasons someone gets an abortion are none of your damn business? Does it occur to you that God knows our situations much better than you do and that He is much more forgiving than you give us credit for?

People who have uteruses are not baby-making machines to pop out spawn like Pez dispensers at your pleasure. Our bodies and our agency are our own. You’re not the one who’s going to be judging us in the end and I highly doubt the person who is will be as unforgiving about it as you seem to be.

[pricechecktranslations]

This question likely has a obvious answer, but if the Venom Drug didn't work on Eve, what are the other factors to her broken mind other than the death of Cain and Abel?

I wound up writing a lot and it’s probably a bit rambling or me seeing things in the text that aren’t actually there, so it’s going to be under a cut.

I’m gonna start off by saying that I think Eve is someone who runs away from painful truths (especially those that paint her or people she loves in a bad light). She’s not always oblivious, but I think she lacks the means and strength to face them, and this is probably the root of a lot of her problems. Ironically, this is a trait she seems to share with Adam to some degree.

We know that regardless of the kindness her adoptive parents showed her, she was deeply troubled by being an orphan, to the point that she ran out into the woods where she was promptly traumatized by a bear. It’s possible this is the only really negative thing to happen in her childhood, but considering her age I can see these sorts of things as priming her for instability later on. It’s possible that the eventual death of her adoptive mother and crippling of her adoptive father contributed to this.

After meeting Adam, in a single day she not only loses the entirety of the village that she grew up in, but also witnesses the naked, crucified corpse of her father, who was himself murdered by people that she likely knew and cared about as neighbors. We see her experience a bit of an outburst at this but she doesn’t seem to react more than that--this is fine with me. If she was capable of dealing with her traumas in a healthy and cathartic way then she wouldn’t have ended up like she did, so this just reads as her bottling things up to me (even if that might not have been mothy’s intention).

She is then taken to a city where she is completely, 100% out of her depth, essentially being an uneducated hick to those around her and becoming entirely dependent on Adam for her means of living, socialization, etc (obviously this is entirely deliberate on his part). This means that she develops a very strong emotional attachment to him, one that demands she look the other way when it becomes apparent that he is lying to her. She actively chooses to believe in much of what he says despite seeing the red flags, wanting to embrace the ideal life he’s promising because it’s literally the only option she has.

She spends months and months preparing for being a mother, being given constant reassurance by Adam that it’ll all turn out okay, while undergoing what sounds like a very difficult pregnancy following a fairly terrifying queen test. Then the day finally comes, after all her struggles and helplessness, and instead of the babies she was promised, she gives birth to little stillborn corpses.

(Edit: You did say “other” than the death of Cain and Abel, but their death is kind of critical to the point I’m making. It’s not one of many factors, it’s the breaking point.)

So I think that in part, the psychosis is a defense mechanism. Her life is in such complete and utter shambles that in order to keep herself from a dangerously depressive state, she constructs a fantasy where she still has a chance of happiness. Even if it is a lie. She stops engaging with reality entirely for a while because anything could break that delusion--at least, until Adam takes her to the woods, where it’s easier for her to fall back on a lifestyle that she was more comfortable in, one which allowed her at least some modicum of agency. The fact that she’s still terrified of strangers might suggest that on some level she fears people who won’t coddle her warped thinking like Adam will (or, perhaps she simply expects everyone she meets to harm her).

Her killing Meta...I’m not sure if she saw the lightning as not being her own because she views herself as powerless, having been without agency for so long, or if it was part of her not wanting to acknowledge that she’d murdered someone and so refused to admit to herself that it was her spell that killed the “bear”.

I wouldn’t entirely discount either her queen test or the pregnancy itself having some kind of effect on her. It’s possible there is an outside influence involved in her mental break, albeit I don’t think one is strictly necessary. I don’t think it’s supposed to be “bad things happened now she’s crazy”, I think it’s an extremely unhealthy way of trying to cope with a terrible situation.

--This is, of course, Eve before death. After death I think her primary issue is just that she was living as a demon for centuries.

[readyplayerhobi]

Silver Bells and Cockle Shells

; Widower Single Dad!Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Angst, fluff, smut

; Word Count: 22.2k

; Warnings: Mentions of death, grief, depression, insinuated blowjob and car sex, penetrative sex, masturbation, fingering

; Synopsis: Jung Hoseok has three beautiful daughters whom he loves more than anything in the world; Soo-ah, Ji-eun and Ji-soo. For five years now, it’s been only them and him against the world. But what happens when he wants to bring someone new into their lives?

; A/N: Hello, this is something I just randomly got in my head. Was meant to be a drabble...ha, evidently not. I half edited this but full honesty, I got bored and just wanted it out! If you like it, pleeeease reblog it! Leave me lovely comments and feedback, send asks and like it! I hope you enjoy this and that...it’s not boring or anything ;-;

; Sequel - Sleigh Bells Ring

-

“Soo-ah!” Hoseok cursed, frowning deeply as he bent over and picked up the toothbrush she’d carelessly dropped to the floor after she’d brushed her teeth for bed. “Pick up your stuff after yourself!”

Sometimes he felt like he spent half his day chasing around after his daughters to put his house back together. Honestly, going to work could be classed as a relief at this stage in his life. Pausing for a moment, he stared at himself in the finger printed mirror before letting out a deep sigh and rolling his eyes. 

He was too young to be thinking like that. At only 33, he was pretty sure that he should only just be experiencing the stress he’d endured for the past ten years. His friends certainly were only just beginning to understand what he’d gone through.

Already, Jimin had started whining about how tired he was with his newborn son which was making Namjoon start to blanch whenever they met up and the conversation started. His own wife was due in three months and Hoseok was looking forward to being as smug as humanly possible whenever the younger man complained himself.

They’d all had to endure years of Namjoon saying it can’t be that bad and encouraging them all to simply remain calm and all that bullshit he spouted in his daily role as a psychiatrist. It had made Hoseok want to hiss fire at him when the man had no concept of trying to cope with two colicky babies alongside a five-year-old who tantrumed over the wrong breakfast cereal.

The man had it coming, Hoseok swore. A small, sinister part of him was hoping that Namjoon’s baby would be the antichrist but then he pushed that thought away. In actuality, he hoped that Namjoon and his wife would have the most pleasant experience as parents.

No matter what, he was positive it would be better than his own experience.

Putting the toothbrush back into its place, he crouched down to grab the cleaner and sprayed the mirror in an even coating, placing the bottle back before grabbing a cloth and wiping the mirror clean. It was stupid, but the pristine surface soothed a part of him that screamed out at the sheer tornado of chaos his children caused.

His love for his daughters was infinite and he would happily give up his own life to protect them and ensure their unending happiness; but sometimes he also just wanted to scream in frustration. Sighing heavily, he rests his hands on the counter and looks down into the sink, brows furrowing together once more as he notes the stains of toothpaste spit that has dried on the porcelain and a deep groan runs through him.

A full clean of the house will have to be done this weekend. He’ll have time to do it as his parents are taking the girls to the aquarium and then a movie for the day after a sleepover. And then, after a whole day of cleaning, they would come back to a nice house with everything in its place and it would all go back to looking exactly how it had in the morning within hours.

Rubbing his hand over his face, he licks at his lips and looks back in the mirror. Said hand soon moves to run through his hair, pushing the sleek, black strands out of his face and he notes idly that he needs to get it cut. The sides are getting too long and he scowls slightly, pushing at the hair that should be shaved close to the sides of his head.

Maybe he could take the girls to get their hair done and then ask if the hairdresser would quickly do his as well. They’d be entertained with each other for a while, surely? Or maybe he could run out on Saturday while they’re gone and get it sorted. He did need to go shopping to buy groceries for dinner and it would make sense to do it at the same time. Hoseok had become very adept at finding time to fit multiple things together.

His stomach flipped nervously as he thought about dinner. 

If everything went right with the conversation he was about to have with his girls, then Saturday evening would be the first time he would introduce you to them. For five years now, Hoseok had raised his beloved daughters as a single father.

It hadn’t been out of choice. 

His eldest daughter, Soo-ah had turned ten-years-old in March this year. She’d been born when he was 23, a surprise pregnancy with his college sweetheart. They’d married a year later and Hoseok had enjoyed four wonderful and happy years with Soo-ah and the woman he’d considered the love of his life, Yoo-jin. 

A second pregnancy occurred when they had both been 27; this time it was planned and very much wanted. On October 29th, two beautiful twin girls had been born and Hoseok’s heart had swollen even more with love and affection. Ji-eun and Ji-soo were perfection in human form to him.

October 29th had also been the last day his wife had been alive. 

Complications from the strain of birthing both girls had taken his wife from him, and he’d suddenly been alone in the world with three daughters relying on him. Grief had taken a backseat as he’d thrown himself into the three innocent lives that needed him so desperately and it had been the hardest thing he’d ever done.

Crippling depression had hit him hard with the loss of Yoo-jin and sometimes the very sight of his kids had caused him to burst into tears as he’d thought about how she wouldn’t get to see their daughters grow and experience life. It had been even harder with two newborn girls who had demanded every moment of his time and attention, leading to him having to take time off work as a software engineer at first and then work from home once his leave ran out.

What had been even worse though, was that not only was he trying to cope with his own grief but that he also had to cope with Soo-ah’s. She’d been only five-years-old. Her mommy and daddy had gone to the hospital one day and had promised to bring back her baby siblings.

Only daddy and two sisters had come home. She hadn’t understood why mommy wasn’t coming back and for two whole months, Soo-ah started and ended every day asking when mommy was coming home. Everytime, his eyes had watered and his throat tightened as he’d had to tell her that mommy wasn’t going to come home, that she’d gone to the sky to watch after them all.

They say kids understand more than you expect, but it had still taken a long time for her to grasp the concept that her mommy was gone. He hadn’t been able to say that she had died, and he’d broken down the night that she’d turned six. Hoseok had tried to make it a happy and fun time for her, but it had only been five months since Yoo-jin had passed and Soo-ah hadn’t been coping too well.

She’d been happy at the start of her party, accepting her presents from all her friends and her many uncles and aunts who doted on her immensely. Her grandparents had already visited earlier in the day and Hoseok knew that everyone was spoiling her to try and make up for the one thing missing from her day.

Later on, she’d begun to act out and had a tantrum that resulted in the party ending earlier than expected. Hoseok had known that she might exhibit behaviour like this; she was just a child and it was a big emotion for her to compute. The happiness and excitement of everything, combined with seeing the other kids with their mom’s had simply been too much.

When he’d put her to bed that night, giving her lots of extra kisses and cuddles, she’d been quiet and sullen. It had broken his heart and yet again, he hadn’t known what to do. There wasn’t a manual for this.

But what had destroyed him had been what she asked him, her voice tiny and more than a little fragile as she curled up in his arms beneath her Mickey Mouse bedding. 

“Mommy’s dead. That’s why she’s not coming home. Right?” How he had got the strength to carry on that conversation with her without falling apart right then and there, he’d never known. But he had. And then he had checked on the twins before falling into his own bed, his pillow soaked with his own tears as pain had eaten at him.

Five years had passed since, and with time it had gotten a little better. His heart no longer aches when he thinks of Yoo-jin and he could talk about her openly with a smile. He made sure to keep her photos in the house for his daughters, reminding them of their mom and letting them know that she loved them. Each of their rooms, the single for Soo-ah and the room that Ji-eun and Ji-soo shared as they refused to sleep apart, was decorated with pictures of Yoo-jin and Hoseok.

It made him sad to know that he had no photos of Yoo-jin and the twins for them, but they’d never asked about her either. They had never grown up with a mom, so they never thought anything of it. Soo-ah had though, and while she had slowly turned back into the happy and loving girl he’d known, he knew that she would never forget her mom.

Nor would he want her to.

But for five years, he’d only limited himself to one-night-stand’s in which both he and the recipient were abundantly clear that there wasn’t going to be anything further. He hadn’t wanted to engage in romance, hadn’t wanted his feelings to get involved. All he had wanted was the relief of an orgasm and the intimacy of another person for a few hours.

His parents had encouraged him to go on a few blind dates in the last two years, and he had done so reluctantly. Even Yoo-jin’s parents had told him that they wanted him to be happy, even if that meant finding someone new to love.

It was hard though. He’d felt disloyal with the first few dates, even if they’d just ended up in casual sex before never seeing each other again. Most of them hadn’t been interested in anything further with a man who had three young daughters. He hadn’t been interested in them once they gave him that opinion.

So he hadn’t bothered mentioning it after, because he simply hadn’t wanted to engage in anything that would involve feelings. 

Until you.

He’d met you a year ago, when Jungkook’s wife had brought you to one of his summer barbecue get togethers. It had been before anyone else in their friend group besides from Hoseok and Seokjin had had kids, so it had been deemed a kid free event to allow the parents to kick back and relax.

Yoo-jin’s parents had taken the kids for the day and Hoseok had got to simply be himself for a few hours without having the stress of constantly checking on what his kids were doing. He’d discovered that three children meant three times the amount of potential damage and carnage that could be caused, and minus another parent figure resulted in just overall disaster material.

Hoseok still shuddered in horror whenever he thought of the supermarket experience from two years ago. Even now, he refused to go back there from sheer embarrassment.

But you had simply been there as a friend, and at first he hadn’t even paid attention to you in any way other than simple respect. You’d been sweet and friendly, if a bit shy as it had been obvious that everyone knew each other except for you. Chae-young, Jungkook’s wife, was a colleague of yours and you’d become close through a mutual love of equestrian activities.

At the time, that was as much as he’d known about you alongside your name, age and that you were the manager of a sales team in an office. There hadn’t been any need for him to know more, but by the end of the night he’d been quietly endeared by you.

He hadn’t laughed as much in years, his smile bright and wide on his face while he talked intently with you. For three whole hours, you’d both been in a little bubble of shared mutual interests from tennis to dancing to pop culture. Neither had noticed the subtle glances everyone was giving each other as they watched their friend, who had spent so many years with his light dim and subdued, come to life before their eyes.

Before he’d even realised what he was doing, you had both swapped numbers and he’d enjoyed a few weeks of casual interaction via text. He’d enjoyed the conversation with someone new and had been determined to not let his busy life get in the way.

Even better, you’d already known about his kids and hadn’t been bothered in the slightest. In fact, you’d even been inquisitive and he’d happily discussed them, pride behind every word. The texts had soon turned into phone conversations which soon turned into video chats.

Soon enough, he’d been meeting you for lunch in the city at a cafe that was between both your workplaces. Hoseok hadn’t realised how close Chae-young worked to him until then, and he’d enjoyed his lunches more than he ever had with the easy conversation that flowed between you both. 

It was ironic really. He’d spent so long not looking for anything that he didn’t even realise when something wonderful fell right into his lap. And you were wonderful, beyond wonderful.

For the first time in over a decade, Hoseok had gone to bed early to simply lay there, curled up under the covers, while he texted you like a teenage boy with his first crush. And that’s what he’d felt like, even if he hadn’t quite realised it. Every text had made his stomach flip and every call made him breathless with nerves.

He found himself going to the bathroom before lunch, checking over his hair and looks before meeting up with you. Things he saw in the store that reminded him of you found their way into his basket before ending up in your hands, all to see that pretty smile that made him feel so funny.

It had been so long since he’d dated properly, so long since he’d liked anyone in more than just a lust filled euphoria, that he just hadn’t realised what was happening. And it had taken his mom, of all people, to point it out to him.

He’d been at theirs one afternoon, the girls playing in the living room with the toys their grandparents had accumulated over the years while he sat at the island in the kitchen. His mom had been watching him for five whole minutes instead of preparing the meal for that night, observing the way her son smiled and laughed to himself, eyes locked on his screen.

It had made tears come to her eyes when she had realised that she hadn’t seen him like this since Yoo-jin had been alive. She had queried him who he was talking to, causing him to casually say your name without a second thought. And then she had asked him how long he had been dating you, which had thrown him for a loop.

“I’m not dating her. We’re just friends.” He hadn’t even realised he’d said those fateful words out loud, hadn’t realised the meaning of what he’d just said. In his mind, that was exactly what you were. Friends.

Which was why his mom had given me an exasperated smile and a shake of her head. “Hoseok, sweetheart. If you’re not dating her, then you should be. I haven’t seen you this happy in...a long time. Especially not with another woman.”

Hoseok had frozen then, staring down at his phone with a frown as his mother’s words had finally penetrated the shield that he had held so tightly around his heart for half a decade now. The last text you had sent him had been something stupid, but he’d gripped his phone tight as he’d realised she was right. You made him happy, you made him want to try.

And that made him feel guilty.

She’d spent the rest of the afternoon convincing him that it was okay to move on, to truly move on and find happiness with someone else. That night, he’d refrained from texting you as he’d tried to compute his newfound emotions and find a place for them to sit alongside everything else in him.

For so long, he’d thought that Yoo-jin would have been the only woman for him. The woman that he would grow old with, be buried next to and so forth. And then she had died at only 28, and he’d been without her once more. He’d spent years convinced that he should stay loyal to her, after all, they hadn’t broken up.

But as he’d laid there that night, he’d worked through the guilt that wracked him as he’d realised that he didn’t want to be alone anymore. He didn’t want to wake up alone, in a cold bed and come home to only his children. Hoseok loved his kids, he truly did, but he wanted someone that he could talk to, laugh with, argue with if necessary, be intimate with. 

He wanted someone to love again, and he wanted to be loved in turn.

Everyone had always said that he had a big heart, always ready to bestow it on whoever had his affections that day. A smile that could light up the sun and so forth. And for five years, he’d only poured love into his daughters because they were all he had.

As he’d gone to sleep that night, he had contented himself with the knowledge that he was no longer happy with his lonely situation. But he planned to do something about it, because he had also realised that he liked you, and he wanted to pour that love into you too if you would let him.

The very next lunch he had with you, he had asked you on a date. His confidence had faltered halfway through as panic had suddenly set in, worry that you wouldn’t want to date a 33-year-old father of three. But you had smiled brightly, face lighting up with such happiness and excitement that he’d been unable to not smile back, before eagerly accepting.

That had been six months ago, and he had fallen in love with you slowly every day since.

Despite this though, he had yet to introduce you to the girls. There were many reasons for this and he’d been pleased that you had accepted them all without complaint. The most important reason was because Hoseok hadn’t wanted to introduce anyone to them if it wasn’t going to end up serious.

It would just hurt them if you broke up and they never saw you again, and he wasn’t ready to impart that kind of emotional turmoil on his little girls. Secondly, he hadn’t wanted to pressure you into doing anything with his kids when you didn’t have to. You weren’t their mom, nor were you looking to be and he didn’t want to force that role on you. 

He’d wanted you to feel comfortable enough to finally meet them, and he’d wanted to feel comfortable enough in his relationship for you to meet them. But also, he’d just wanted to enjoy you to himself without the interference of children.

Hoseok loved his kids, he would never give them up and his whole life revolved around them really. Yet his relationship with you was the first thing in five years that he’d had solely to himself, untouched by their presence. He felt selfish thinking that way, but he’d just wanted to enjoy you a little longer without the pressure of parental expectations.

After six months though, he’d finally decided that it was time. It had been a huge decision, and he’d agonised over it a few weeks before finally talking it through with you. He’d had to be sure that you even wanted to meet them, because as worried as he was for how his daughters would react to you, he couldn’t even imagine what it must be like for you.

You’d started dating him in the knowledge he had three kids, but knowing and actually seeing and being a part of those small lives was entirely different. Most women probably didn’t start dating someone with a ready made family, and he’d stressed a little over that.

Dating him seriously meant you would be directly involved with his daughters. He didn’t want you to think that he wanted a second mom for them, because he didn’t and he doubted his daughters wanted that either, but it would be hard for you to avoid some parental activities.

And that wasn’t even thinking about whether or not you actually wanted children in the future. There was a chance that you might think he might not want more kids because he already had three, but you had none. Overall, it had taken a lot of thinking before he’d finally proposed the idea of introducing you.

He wanted to be able to bring you home, cuddle up with you on the couch after a long day without having to worry about the girls finding out. Eventually move onto you staying the night, hopefully one day in the future even moving in together. He had kids, yes, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t have a relationship like everyone else.

Hoseok wanted to give you as normal a relationship as he could, despite the three extra people he came with as standard.

You’d been sweet about the whole thing though, consoling him and letting him know that you were supportive of whatever decision he made. There weren’t enough words in the English language for him to convey how much he appreciated how easy-going you were about it all and he’d just fallen even harder for you.

It was a little odd really, how quickly he’d realised he loved you. Admittedly, he’d spent months without even realising he liked you, but he’d told you those three special words within three months. He’d taken half a year to tell Yoo-jin, and he wasn’t sure what that meant. If it meant anything.

But all of this was completely moot if his girls decided they didn’t want to meet you. They were allowed that decision, and Hoseok was fully prepared to love you separately for a while until they got used to the idea. He didn’t want to, but he wouldn’t force someone onto them if they didn’t want it. Nor was he willing to break up with you solely for that reason.

He loves his daughters, but he refuses to let them rule his life entirely. Just as he works hard they’re happy, he knows that he’s entitled to happiness himself.

Pushing away from the counter, he takes a deep breath before heading into the twin’s room. The bathroom was the one all the girl’s shared while he had his own thanks to the en-suite. Something he was positive that he was going to be very thankful for when they all hit teenage years.

The twin’s room was pure chaos, as expected. He’d long since given up trying to keep this room tidy. Instead, he would simply go through once a day and make it look less like a bomb had gone off in it. 

There was plenty of room in the house for them to have a room each, there were actually two spare bedrooms in this ridiculously large house he’d bought with Yoo-jin years ago. It had been cheap purely because it had needed to have a lot of stuff fixed in it, but over the years he’d worked with both friends and family to turn it into the family home it was today.

But splitting the twins up had proven to be an unthinkable act. He’d tried it once when they were four and they’d screamed and cried for hours before going quiet. Thinking they were asleep, he’d gone to check on them only to discover that Ji-eun had gotten out of her bed and was curled up in Ji-soo’s bed.

The very next day, he’d moved her stuff back into the room and they’d been content ever since. Twins were funny, he mused to himself as he watched them both lying beneath Ji-eun’s Iron Man bedding, his iPad in Ji-soo’s hands as they both watched a movie.

He had refused to let them have an iPad, even a joint-owned one as he didn’t want to end up being that dad whose kids spent all their time on a screen. Even now, they were limited to only two hours of screen time a day. Soo-ah was the same, only she was allowed to use the computer to do her homework when necessary as well.

It caused them to whine a lot but he instead encouraged them to play, read books or even use the board games he’d bought. Thankfully, they were pretty happy with it despite the minor whining but he knew that his policy was going to have to change soon. Particularly for Soo-ah.

“Hey you two, how are my little pumpkins?” He said with a bright smile as he crouched down next to the bed. Two sets of identical eyes flicked over to him, their warm chocolate depths filled with sleepiness and fondness swelled in him.

“Hi daddy,” Ji-soo whispered, the tiny mole on her cheek being the only way to distinguish her from her younger sister. Her black hair shone with health in the warm light of the Avengers lamp on the bedside table and Hoseok reached out, stroking the flyaway strands down. Ji-eun was too busy watching the iPad and he smiled, resting his head on the bed next to them both and watching quietly.

There was only a few more minutes until it was over, and he took the tablet from them before switching it off and placing it next to him on the floor. The door creaked open and all three looked over, taking in Soo-ah’s frown as she looked at her sisters and dad.

He’d asked her to come into the twins room once she’d gotten into her pyjamas and he grinned at her mismatching clothes. A Mickey Mouse t-shirt was combined with Batman bottoms but he chose not to say anything as she flipped her long, black hair behind her shoulder in a movement that reminded him so strongly of Yoo-jin.

The twins were growing to look like him, but Soo-ah was all Yoo-jin. It was a soft ache sometimes to look at her, but it just made him love her all the more.

Gesturing to her with an open arm, she tucked herself into his side where he knelt and he kissed the crown of her head with a loud ‘mwah’, enjoying the way she wiggled and whined in protest. She was reaching the age where affection from him was met with embarrassment but he didn’t care.

“Are you all excited to go to grandma and grandpa’s tomorrow?” All three of them nod, excitement lighting up their eyes and he has to bite his inner cheek to stop the grin that wants to paint itself onto his face. His parents spoil them, they truly do. He has no doubt when he picks them up on Saturday that they’ll have eaten their weight in sugary goods and will likely have another toy each.

“Good, they’re looking forward to having you too. I want you all on your best behaviour, yeah?” Each little girl gives another nod and he goes soft with pride for them all. They were truly the most important things in his life and he squeezed Soo-ah a little tighter in response.

“So...err,” He paused, brow creasing as he realised that he didn’t know how to go about this. “On Saturday, we’re going to have dinner with someone. She’s...she’s someone very special to daddy.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” Ji-soo asks innocently, her eyes filling with curiosity and he smiles in response, running his fingers through her hair once more before nodding.

“Yes...she is. I...she’s been daddy’s friend for a while now, and daddy really likes her. So...I want to make sure that you all are okay with that? I don’t want to bring her if you’re not going to be happy.” This is possibly one of the most awkward he’s things he’s done in a while but he preserves, hoping that his daughters will understand and accept.

“Do you love her?” Ji-eun asks and Hoseok freezes, his eyes widening. He feels it’s far too soon to confirm that for them when he’s only just telling them so he shakes his head instead, leaning over to kiss her forehead.

“I like her a lot. She makes me very happy and I want you all to get to meet her. She’s excited to meet you if you want to. But it’s only if you want to.” There’s silence for a few moments more before the twins nod enthusiastically with smiles that resemble his own so much.

“Okay daddy.” They both respond at the same time, causing him to chuckle as that odd twin telepathy happens again. It weirded him out sometimes but it mostly just made him glad that they had each other.

Soo-ah hasn’t responded and he looks down at her, noting the way her eyes are downcast and her body is tight. His heart sinks slightly, knowing that she was going to be the one that he had the most trouble with. 

She was the one who remembered her mom, who vaguely remembered scenes of her mommy and daddy hugging and kissing, whispering they loved each other. It was always going to be the hardest with her, and he wondered how long it would take for her to accept it. If she ever did.

But then she surprises him with a slight shrug, her fingers tracing unseen shapes into his jean covered thigh, her lips pursed out in a tiny pout. “Okay dad.”

Her tone isn’t nearly as enthusiastic as the twins and he frowns slightly, kissing the twins goodnight and turning the lamp off before he gently encourages Soo-ah out of the room. She doesn’t speak on the way to her own bedroom, the interior of this room a soft purple that’s decorated with numerous horse posters.

Without a word, she climbs into her bed and curls up with her back to him underneath the covers. His heart clenched tightly as he sits down next to her, the mattress dipping and causing her to roll slightly towards him. Neither says anything for a moment as he simply runs his fingers through her hair gently, enjoying the way it feels and thinking about how big his little girl was getting.

“Soo-ah? Are you really okay with it? It’s okay if you’re not,” He whispered, looking away from her to the bookcase opposite him that’s filled to the brim with books. “She’s nice, I think you’ll like her. She goes horse-riding and knows so much about them.” 

“What about mommy?” And there it is, the very thing he was looking forward to least. His breath leaves him in a deep and heavy sigh while his head drops down momentarily as he tries to put his thoughts together into cohesive speech. This is all very new and alien to her and he’d always known it was going to be a tougher sell to her than the twins. They’d only ever had daddy, she’d had both.

“Mommy is still here with us Soo-soo, she’s not being forgotten. I still love her so much and I know that she still loves you. Y/N isn’t going to replace mommy, I swear.” Soo-ah stays curled up, her body tight and he grits his teeth, hating that he had to go through this with her.

“What if you fall in love with Y/N and forget about mommy? I don’t want another mommy. What if she’s mean? What if she hates us and tells you that she doesn’t want us?” Wow, this is way more questions than he’d anticipated from merely asking if they’d be okay with meeting you but he got the suspicion that these were things Soo-ah had worried over for the last few years.

Which meant he had to go very carefully, otherwise things could go very wrong.

“You’re not going to get another mommy, I don’t want that for you. You had one mommy, and you always will. Y/N doesn’t want make you unhappy, she’s not expecting you to love her or treat her like a mom. She also doesn’t hate you and she would never tell me make me choose. She’s known about you all the whole time I’ve known her and she’s excited to meet you all. I’ve told her so much about my smart girls. And she’s not mean. She’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I wouldn’t bring someone into your life that I didn’t trust and like. I swear Soo-soo.”

She’s quiet for a moment longer before shrugging again, her body relaxing as she lets out a deep sigh. “Okay,” His shoulders relax as he senses the acknowledgement in that one word. “I love you daddy.”

Biting his lip, he knows that she’s still not entirely okay with it and he also knows that he’s going to have to be very careful on Saturday. He loves Soo-ah, but he knows that she can be temperamental around things like this, with valid reason, obviously. But he also knows that she doesn’t really know what to think, hence her calling him ‘daddy’, something that she hadn’t done for 3 years now.

“I love you too Soo-soo.” Bending over, he kisses her head goodnight before leaving her room too, resting his back against her door as he lets his head fall back and a deep sigh leaves him. He hopes you know how much he truly loves you with how willing he is to let you into his life, because for him and his little family, this is the biggest earthquake to strike since the death of Yoo-jin.

Only this time, he hopes that that result afterwards would be happy instead of painful.

-

Hoseok lets out a happy groan of delight as he bites into the greasy pizza, the tangy cheese contrasting wonderfully to the meaty pepperoni and rich tomato base. It tastes far too good and a voice in the back of his mind tuts at the wilful carbs he’s adding into his body. He’s not as young as he once was and keeping off the weight was beginning to be a little harder nowadays, but he pushed that thought firmly away.

You liked his body, even if he wasn’t as toned as he had been ten years ago. But whatever, you weren’t dating 23-year-old Hoseok and 33-year-old Hoseok didn’t give a damn when the pizza tasted this fucking good. 

A light chuckle sounded from his right and he glanced over, finding you watching him with amusement dancing in your eyes while a bemused smile played on your lips as you chewed on your own slice of pizza. Once you’d realised that you’d caught his attention, you swallow your piece before leaning over to wipe at the grease on his lips with undeniable affection and his stomach felt a little bit fuzzy.

He was being honest when he said that you made him happy, because you really did. In fact, he was pretty sure that this was the happiest he had been in five years and sometimes he got a little sappy and emotional about it. So long had been spent purposefully isolating himself for his daughters that he hadn’t really understood what he was missing out on again.

But, he conceded to himself, he was glad of that as well. Because he wouldn’t have started a relationship with you if he’d started dating earlier. So he was content with his earlier decisions, content with you.

Having kids and losing a wife had really turned him way more emotional than he’d used to be, but he reasoned that it was okay. He’d just learned what it was like to lose something he loved dearly, and he had spent years regretting not loving Yoo-jin more fiercely. Which was why he was determined to make sure that you knew exactly how much he loved you, for however long you both lasted.

He would not make the same mistake twice.

“Enjoying that?” You ask him, expression mischievous as you take the pizza crust he hands you and start to eat it with a joyful hum. Hoseok simply watches for a moment before nodding with a grin.

“Do you know...how nice it is to get to eat junk food?” A snort leaves you as you roll your eyes, shifting until your back is against the cushion on the couch and you pull your legs up. You’re only wearing some bed shorts and an oversized logo shirt with the Star Wars logo on it, both faded from overwashing but still comfortable.

“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? You’re the one who chooses the meals in your house. If you want junk food, then just eat junk food.” The way you say it is completely casual but Hoseok gasps in mock outrage, a hand resting on his chest.

“How rude! You’re supposed to be complimenting me on how wonderful of a father I am because I make sure my daughters are eating the healthiest food! Did you know, we haven’t had chocolate in our house for over a year now? Only health snacks allowed.” A droll stare is all he gets in response and he squirms slightly, trying his hardest not to let his lower lip pout out.

You were two years younger than him and also childless, yet sometimes he felt like you were the older one and also the parent. 

“Blatantly false. I distinctly remember you eating a Kit Kat the other week in bed when we facetimed. I thought lying was bad Hobi?” You’ve got him there and he finally lets his lips purse before he chuckles in defeat, nodding his head.

“Okay fine, we have one day of junk food a week. But they’re not allowed anything unhealthy unless they’ve done something really good, like got a really good grade or done some chores around the house. Me on the other hand...well, let’s say I might have a secret stash hidden somewhere in the house that little girl’s can’t reach.” His hand waves airily as he speaks and you burst into laughter, reaching out with one foot to push at his thigh.

Without even thinking about it, he lowers his hand to rest on your leg and runs his fingers along your skin affectionately. There’s no pizza left anymore and instead he focuses on sliding his hands along your calf, digging into the muscles there and massaging gently until you let out a soft sigh.

Silence falls between you both, the comfortable kind where neither of you feels the need to speak. The television is playing some Netflix Original series while the lingering scent of pizza still fills the air.

He’d come over to yours for the night, enjoying the fact that he was actually able to spend the whole night with you. His parents had asked to have the girls last week tonight and he’d agreed happily, knowing that it meant he could spend more time than usual with you. Staying over was only possible when the girl’s were not home, and that was pretty rare.

Your apartment was pretty small, the size dictated by what you could afford in combination with the car you had and the salary you earnt. But he liked it all the same. It was filled with a combination of pop culture in the form of figurines and plushies everywhere alongside beautiful paintings that hung on the walls or elegant photographs of landscapes. 

Candles dotted the area, a few lit to fight the pizza scent with vanilla and he smiled as he felt himself relax both physically and mentally. There was no hint of children here, no toys thrown around or crayons half hidden underneath furniture. He obviously loved his kids but sometimes it was nice to just...have somewhere that didn’t look like Toys R Us had thrown up in it. 

In actuality, he found dating as an adult slightly odd. The last time he’d properly dated had been with Yoo-jin, and that had been over ten years ago. He’d been a student when they’d got together, only 21 and he’d had a young adult’s mindset to go with it too. At the time, all he cared about was his grades, partying, getting drunk and getting laid.

Not necessarily in that order.

Okay, definitely not in that order.

A job, taxes, bills, childcare, children and so forth hadn’t even entered his head really. Dating back then had simply meant meeting up with Yoo-jin after class and going back to the apartment he’d shared with Yoongi and Namjoon, fooling around for a few hours before crashing in bed. Maybe going to a party or actually doing his homework.

The most stress he’d had was exam period, or maybe that time he forgot to hand in his term paper and he’d been handed his ass by Professor Lee in History of Medieval Europe. That hadn’t been fun.

Dating had been almost...relaxing with how carefree it had been. How unburdened with the stress and realities of life.

Dating now was far different. Now he had to fit in his dates with you in his lunch breaks or the rare evening he could get someone to watch the girls. Talking was relegated to when they were in bed and a lot of the conversations often ended up being about world events or problems with a job or co-worker. It felt mundane and if he thought about it, boring, but he oddly didn’t mind.

Being with Yoo-jin in the early stages had been exciting and fun, dates being extravagant and wild. Being you was different. In Yoo-jin, he’d sought excitement but with you he sought comfort and quiet. A way to simply be Jung Hoseok, the man, again instead of being Jung Hoseok the father or colleague.

He felt a little sad that he didn’t get to experience the wildness with you, but then again, he felt far too tired for that anyway. It was only 8pm and he was already contemplating asking if you wanted to go to bed. Not even for sex, but just because he was tired. 

Though he wouldn’t say no to sex. 

That was definitely something that he’d discovered was perhaps even better than with Yoo-jin, which he’d felt a little guilty about at first. Sure, he perhaps couldn’t go as often as he had when he was 21 but it was just...better.

Both of you were far more experienced and knew exactly what you liked and didn’t like in the bedroom, and you were both mature enough to be honest and open about it. He’d been mortified to find out that he hadn’t actually given Yoo-jin an orgasm for six whole months because she’d been too shy to tell him whereas you’d told him exactly what to do for the very first time you’d slept together.

He’d been a little shocked actually, but it had resulted in perhaps the best sex he’d had in a long time. Particularly for two people who had never had sex with each other. And yet it had; he’d never felt such an intense and emotional connection with someone before and it had even frightened him a little bit, made him feel disloyal because he couldn’t ever remember Yoo-jin like that.

It had taken a quiet discussion with Namjoon over his guilt to realise that the sex was probably better because you were the first person he’d slept with that he’d been friends with beforehand, who he’d fallen for long before. Yoo-jin had been a one night stand that had turned into something more, but he’d known you for months.

Sex with you was some of the best he’d ever had, and it blew his mind even more because you hadn’t even had a huge amount of it in the past six months. The lack of time he had for meeting up with you meant that there just wasn’t time for it and so he’d had to fit it in where he could.

For the first time in well over ten years, he’d actually had freaking car sex. And it was not as pleasurable as he remembered. His cheeks flushed as he recalled that incident vividly. It was perhaps not his best moment sexually, but you’d both handled it so well.

it hadn’t even ended in an orgasm because you’d got cramp from bending over and he’d hit his head against you when he’d jerked forward in worry. It had ended up with you back in the passenger seat and giving him a blowjob while he’d felt guilty as hell over not being able to properly reciprocate.

But even that had proven how compatible you were with each other as only minutes later, with his cum still dripping down your face from where you’d overestimated your deep throating abilities and practically coughed it all back up, the two of you had been giggling like teenagers at the failed sex.

A snort leaves him as he remembers it and he shakes his head in response to the look of query you give him, tugging at your leg until you give in and move over to him. He smiles in victory as you curl into his side, your warmth pleasant against him while he wraps his arm around you comfortably, pressing his lips to your head and simply taking the smell of you in.

You smelt like the perfume he’d bought you for your birthday last month, a fruity candy scent because that’s what you loved above all else and he loved it. It made him want to eat you, and he felt a stirring in his groin as he considered doing just that.

“Are you sure they’re okay about tomorrow?” Your voice is soft and quiet but he can hear the insecurity behind it. He understands why. The two of you had made sure to have an in depth conversation about what would come about from you being introduced to his daughters.

You’d known that it would mean sometimes you would come to his place which would mean interacting with them on a personal level. Dates would sometimes end up being family events and they would come in tow. Quite simply, the longer you continue to date and the more the two of you settle into your relationship, the more integrated you would become into his own family.

He could hardly date you seriously and never include you with his own family. Particularly if he ever hoped to move you in one day. No, you would need to know what you were getting yourself into and needed to be accepting of that.

Just as he didn’t want to force something on his daughters, he didn’t want to force a family on you.

As much as he said to Soo-ah that you wouldn’t be replacing her mom, it would be impossible for you to not take on some mother aspects for them. Firstly, it just wouldn’t be fair to be in a long term relationship with him and never expect to do anything with his kids considering how young they were.

Secondly, you were a kind and nurturing person anyway. He had no doubt that whenever you eventually moved in, because he was pretty positive that would be happening in the future, you would want to actively try with the girls. How receptive they would be, he didn’t know.

But if you wanted to try with them then he certainly wasn’t going to stop you. If they didn’t want to reciprocate then they wouldn’t have to and he’d make sure that you knew that too.

“Well...I mean they’re only kids, so I can only really take them at what they say. The twins probably don’t understand properly but I don’t expect them to. They never got to be with Yoo-jin so, this is all new to them. For them, the only thing they’ll probably get upset is that daddy will have someone else that he’s going to pay attention to. Soo-ah though?” His tone turns a little unsure without him even meaning to and you wiggle against uncomfortably.

“She’s the one who’s going to be harder to get through to, isn’t she?” Hoseok hugs you tighter to him as the despondency in your voice and he wishes that he could take it away, but you’re right. Soo-ah is the mystery in the whole situation and she could make everything perfect or it could all fall apart.

“Yeah. She’s...she’s worried that I’m forgetting her mom or that you’ll try and replace her or something. A valid concern for her to have, but I think it’s going to take a while for her to come round to it. To everything really. To you being in our lives, to me loving someone else. It’s going to be hard on her and I wish I could make it better for her but...I can’t. I’ll just have to work with her and show her that being with you isn’t going to mean that Yoo-jin didn’t exist.” 

You push up from him at that, a hand resting on his thigh and he looks deep into your eyes for a moment. He sees love for him there but also concern for his daughters combined with uncertainty for yourself and he can’t stop himself as he leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“I don’t want to take the place of their mom. Especially not for Soo-ah, I can’t even imagine what she went through and...that’s not what I want. I’ll try ready hard with them, I will. I swear. And I won’t get too offended or upset if they get angry at me. I know it’s a hard situation for them to get used to. It’s just been you four for a while now and I’m the interloper.” His heart warms at your words and he hugs you tighter to him, kissing your forehead hard before resting his nose against you.

“That’s why I love you. You know that? Because you care and you don’t push. I appreciate that so much. They’ll come around to it, even if they’re not happy at first. I don’t expect them to be happy, but I can’t be forced to be alone for the rest of my life just because they don’t like it. I...I feel a bit guilty saying this but...I deserve to be happy too.” A soft brush of your lips against his neck lets him know that you agree and his racing heart settles a little.

He’s nervous for tomorrow, yes, but he knows that he’s right. It’s been years of loneliness and now he’s finally ready to accept someone else. And he knows that his daughters would come to like you just as much as he does. Hoseok doesn’t expect them to love you, and he never would, but he hopes that they’ll at least come to like you.

“Anyway, let’s not focus on that right now. We’ve got that bridge to cross tomorrow. Tonight is just me and you, the last night of it being just us,” His brows wiggle suggestively and you roll your eyes in response, lips quirked up in amusement. “How about we take this to the bedroom?”

An unladylike snort leaves you as you push up from him, grabbing the pizza box and heading over to the kitchen to throw it away as he turns off the television.

“Really? You want sex already?” The exasperation in your voice causes to throw a look of outrage at the kitchen door but you’re not there to experience it so he just grins instead, grabbing both your phones and heading over to your bedroom.

“I just meant going to sleep you horndog! God, I thought men were supposed to be the ones who always thought about sex?” He calls out, biting his lip in amusement as he plugs your phone into the charger by your bed and places it on the bedside table.

The screen lights up momentarily and he grins as the lockscreen image pops up; it’s of him kissing your cheek in a park. It had been one sunny lunch and the cherry blossoms had been out in force, providing the perfect backdrop for a perfect picture.

He jumped in surprise, letting out a yelp and dropping his own phone onto the table with a clatter as two hands grip his ass firmly before they slide round to his stomach, wrapping him in a tight hug while you giggle and press kisses to his back.

“How can I not think about sex when my boyfriend is this hot?” The pink painting his cheeks is slightly embarrassing but he can’t stop the primal flush of pride at your compliment and he wants to roll his eyes at himself. 

Turning around, he looks down at your pretty face and bends down to press his nose against yours in a butterfly soft kiss before catching your lips with his for a proper kiss. His arms move to wrap around you in turn, holding you tightly to him and for a few minutes, he just focuses all his efforts into exploring your mouth in a slow yet sensual kiss.

By the time he’s finished, you’re slightly breathless and he admires the dazed look in your eyes, lips swollen and the stirring in his groin he’d felt earlier becomes even more insistent. Perhaps too insistent given the way you look down at his crotch with a raised brow before glancing back up, biting your lip.

“You might want to go to bed but I want you, so how about it daddy?” He pauses, looking at you with a carefully blank face.

“As long as you never call me that ever again then sure. I think I can forego sleep for a little while longer,’ he grins broadly before stepping back. “So undress for me princess. Let me see how hot my girlfriend is.”

“Yes sir.”

“Oh...now that...I like.”

-

Waking up the next morning was surprisingly nice and he simply laid there for a few minutes in the quiet, taking in the way your scent saturated everything and how warm the bed felt. When he finally did open his eyes, he was met with the sight of a clock that read 8am.

Surprise flooded him for a second before he stretched out, groaning softly before smiling and simply laying there. He hadn’t woken up as late as 8am in years and it felt freaking glorious. Half of him wanted to roll over and simply go back to sleep, but he knew that his body wouldn’t let him now that he’d opened his eyes.

You on the other hand, were curled up in a ball next to him beneath the covers, your back facing him. A few ideas ran through his mind, wondering whether he should just get up and go shower or if he should spend some more time with you.

Time with you won out, as he knew it would have. He wasn’t going to turn down a morning with you without kids, no way in hell. And so without another thought, he rolled onto his side and curled up behind you, humming contentedly as the warmth of your body seeped into his own.

“Princess...priiincess,” He cooed into your ear, grinning as you shuffled slightly in his arms and let out a quiet croak in response. “Are you awake?”

There was no doubt about it, he was being a little shit right now and doing the exact thing that he whined at his own kids for doing on the weekend. But he didn’t care, because he found your response far too cute.

“No.” The pout you must have your on your face is abundantly evident and he laughs, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck. He wouldn’t kiss you, because he’d discovered that you really hated kissing with morning breath. Not that he was a fan either, but sometimes he just...wanted to kiss you really bad. 

Though sometimes he had regretted it, but he just pushed those thoughts out of his mind. No, he wouldn’t kiss you today. At least...not until you’d both gotten up and brushed those pearly whites until the kiss would be minty fresh from both ends. 

Instead, he just squeezed your body tighter to him and let out a quiet sigh of satisfaction. It was easy to forget how nice it was to just lay and cuddle with someone he loved; the warmth of you, the smell of you, the touch of you. It all merged together until he felt himself start to drift off once more, eyes closed and breath levelling out until you suddenly turned in his arms and he jerked awake once more.

An amused laugh left you as you looked up at him, eyes bleary with sleep while pillow lines creased your sleep swollen cheeks and his eyes narrowed playfully. “I thought you were sleeping.” He mumbled, burying his face into the slope of your neck while his hand moved to lay flat on your stomach, fingers stroking absentmindedly.

“Hard to sleep when I’ve got your hard on pressed against me.” Hoseok grunted at that, his fingers darting up to pinch at the nipple that made itself present through the thin material. A yelp left you before you laughed again, taking his hand and trapping it between your chin and shoulder.

“Don’t get too flattered. If I had a dollar for every time I woke up with an erection then I’d probably be just as poor because I’d have spent it all by now. But you get the point.” Your lower lip vanishes beneath your teeth as you hum, brow furrowing slightly.

“Are you saying that you don’t find my sleep face and morning breath attractive?” A snort leaves him as he presses his nose against your cheek, kissing the softness there slowly.

“I find you more than attractive missy, and you know that. I believe this is the first time we haven’t fucked after waking up together.” Pouting, you turn your head until you’re looking directly at him and he ducks his face slightly so that he’s not breathing directly on you. He did that once. 

Once.

“Don’t give me that face. The only reason I’m not balls deep in you right now is firstly, because I need to go shower and then head home to clean up and secondly...I don’t have another condom.” Your face contorts on itself before sighing, your hand moving to brush over his boxer briefs and he lets out a hiss of breath as he feels you move against his cock.

“I could suck you off.” It’s almost innocent and he glares at you, lips pursing before he pulls away, rolling to the side and departing the bed before you can entice him any further.

“That’s not...I mean...minx.” You just grin at him before getting up yourself, letting him see the way your shirt has twisted on you in your sleep, clinging tightly to your curves. His hands clench automatically as he huffs out a breath, staring at the sight of your boy shorts that cup your ass so beautifully.

He was trying to be good here and you were ruining all his intentions.

“So...you don’t want a blowjob in the shower then?” There’s not even a chance for him to respond as you tug off your shirt, revealing the delectable sight of your breasts as they’re revealed to the morning air. Without even looking at him, you head towards the bathroom door.

Indecision fills him as he stares at the door, the straining erection in his underwear telling him to go but the logical part of his mind reminding him that he is, in fact, an adult man and not a horny teenager. But then your panties come flying through the door, landing in a heap and he lets out a deep groan before striding over.

He may be an adult, but he’s an adult who damn well likes your mouth on his cock and he is not turning that down. Not today, when later on will be stressful. Right now, it’s time to just enjoy you while he has you entirely to himself.

Inside the bathroom, he finds you merely brushing your teeth at the counter but your eyes move to land firmly on his and he desperately wishes he didn’t find it so weirdly attractive to watch the way your arm moves. But then he realises it’s what you want as your free hand slowly trails down your body, reaching the hair at the apex of your thighs.

Swallowing thickly, he lets out a slow breath before reaching around you for the toothbrush you’d given him to use here and carefully begins to brush his own teeth, trying his hardest not to look. This was not supposed to be a sexy activity, and yet here he was, eyes glued to your hand while his own hand tried to brush his teeth.

A quiet moan slips from your mouth, eyes fluttering shut and your arm shudders slightly, pausing in your movements as the fingers between your thighs work at yourself and he hisses, brushing far quicker in his haste to be done. He doesn’t want you to get all the fun, no way in hell. 

Leaning over, he spits out into the sink and is suddenly reminded of all the times you’ve chosen to spit instead of swallow when you’d blown him and he has to repress the urge to giggle. Instead, he washes his mouth and realises you’re doing the same next to him, head so close to his own that he has an almost preternatural awareness of you.

Glancing up into the mirror, his breath escapes in a rush as he sees you bending over the counter, one elbow resting while your other hand moves in slow circles between your legs, now spread wider. Oh, this is just not fair, he thinks to himself before his eyes narrow.

“I thought I was getting a blowjob?” He asks, moving upright and looking down at you with an imperious brow raised.

You watch him with innocent eyes in the mirror, your own brows raising to complete the facade while you bite at your lower lip. “Did I say that? I thought you didn’t want anything.” The last syllable ends on a soft moan and his hands finds your hips without him even meaning to as your eyelids flutter shut, mouth opening in a perfect circle as soft moan leaves you.

It’s like a lightning bolt to his groin, cock aching at the sound and he realises he can hear wetness as your fingertips slide between your folds. His own fingers itch with the need to take over, to feel that slickness and rub till you’re breaking apart against him.

“Well...it’d take a strong man to turn this down princess,” Moving behind you, he presses his front to your back firmly and mouths a hot kiss to your shoulder, tongue working slowly before he looks back up into the mirror and smirks at how you watch him with those needy eyes. “I’m not that strong.”

Without another word, his arm comes around to your front and he pushes your hand out of the way, his own delving into the gap and his fingers finally rub against your clit. You’re already slippery with your own desire, worked up from your own touch while you’d been safe in the knowledge that he was carefully watching.

Your head falls back against his shoulder, even at this awkward angle with you bent over the counter but he just focuses on kissing and sucking at the sensitive skin of your shoulder and neck. He makes sure not to leave any marks on your neck but he’s more than giving with his attention, his free hand moving around to massage your breasts firmly, playing with your nipple till you push back against him.

“Condom…” The word is panted out from you, your hips gyrating against the firm touch of his fingers on your engorged nerves and he doesn’t even notice it at first. Not until you’re shifting position, trying to reach over to the drawer by your side. He pauses in his movements, fingers half inside you at this point and watches as you tug open a drawer and pull out a foil wrapper.

Looking back in the mirror at you, his brows raised in a combination of surprise, amusement and mild rebuke. “Wow...you really are a little minx, huh? Keeping condoms in the bathroom and not telling me. I’d say naughty girl but right now, I approve.”

A low laugh leaves you as you tear the foil with your teeth, pulling the condom out and handing it back to him. He kicks off his underwear quickly before giving himself a few firm strokes, breath coming a little quicker from the friction but he’s more than excited to be inside you already. It’s not even been 12 hours since the last time he’d fucked you.

Once on, he reaches between your legs once more and plunged two fingers inside of you, checking that you’re more than wet enough for him without needing to get any lubrication. Sometimes you needed it, sometimes you didn’t. Today appeared to be a didn’t, and he wondered if you had some kink of mirror sex kink because you were already near enough dripping for him.

Grinning, he lined up his cock and rubbed the tip against you, rocking his hips forwards and back in slow motions to let your juices coat his cock. The sensation has you gasping softly, causing your own hips to push back as you try and shift enough to find the right angle to get him to slip inside.

He lets you take control for a moment, watching intently as your pussy finds his tip, the engorged head slipping into your sopping entrance. Holding your ass with his hands, he slows your movements down and slowly penetrates you until he’s balls deep inside, breath leaving him in a slow and controlled exhale as you squeeze tightly around him.

His eyes roll slightly at the sensation and he can’t help but grip your ass harder, tutting slightly. As said, you’d already had sex in the last twelve hours and it had been two rounds worth. He’d been proud of himself for producing two performances like that in such quick succession but he had no doubt that you were feeling at least a little bit sore right now so he tried to go slow for you.

Turns out you didn’t want slow and a soft, keening whine leaves your mouth as you try to push back against him harder. Glancing into the mirror, he has to bite his lower lip to stay quiet as he watches the pleasure filled expression face back at him, your eyes screwed tightly shut while your mouth falls open.

The thrusts he makes into you might be slow, but they’re also deep and each movement has you jerking forwards slightly. It causes your breasts to rock with each slap of his hips against your ass and he watches, entirely mesmerised by the movement and wanting to see how you react when he’s fucking you harder.

“Hobi.” You mewl, the sound strained and yet oddly high pitched as one hand moves back to grasp at his hip, trying to pull him into moving faster in combination with your squirming ass and he brings down the flat of his hand on your rounded cheeks chidingly. The sound is loud in the quiet of the room but your inner muscles immediately grip in tighter, the sensation causing him to choke for a moment and his brows rise in amusement.

Well, someone liked being spanked. He was definitely going to remember that for future events.

Any hope he had of being gentle with you to avoid soreness is gone though and it’s clear to him that you’re wanting it harder and faster than he’s going. So he decides to give you it, his hips moving forward faster until the bathroom is filled with the lewd sounds of skin against skin, slick wetness, breathy pants and lust filled groans and moans.

“Come on princess,” He grunts deeply, kissing your shoulder before his arms slide around your waist. One pushes against the counter, giving him extra balance as he thrusts while the other dips back between your legs, the slippery mess there making your soft warmth even more delightful.

The combined touch of his fingers and cock increases your moans, though they’re more like vocal hitches of breath that whine with stroke inside you. Your own hand moves to press down on his own, rubbing furious, tight circles into your clit while he continues to slam into you. The wetness has to be leaking down your thighs now, coating your inner legs and the thought turns him on almost as much as the completely fucked out visage he gets to watch in the mirror.

Breath coming quickly, he pants into your ear before moving his lips down to kiss at your neck frantically as the pleasure in his groin tightens furiously, the need to move faster and harder so strong as he feels the impending release of his orgasm. He desperately wants you to come first, but sometimes that just doesn’t happen and he can’t help it as your pussy flutters around him once more, tightening viciously and he succumbs to the waves of pleasure that flood through his body.

A long and drawn out moan leaves his mouth, high and filled with pure satisfaction and carnal pleasure as he moves inside you slowly, pulling every bit of pleasure he can out from your warm depths before it feels too much for him. Hissing lightly at the overstimulation, he refuses to move as his fingers move back to your clit, rubbing at you in quick, fast movements that have you shivering in his arms as needy moans leave you.

Tiny movements of your hips as they gyrate and the clenching of your pussy has him whining quietly but he doesn’t move, determined to get you off as well. Sometimes it didn’t happen and you’d push his hand away, but this time you keep him firmly against him until your body seizes tightly around him, muscles stiffening before convulsions take over.

His cock slips from you in the midst of your orgasm but you don’t notice, not when his fingers keep moving and prolonging the pleasure until your hips shift away from his hand, the subtle movement telling him to let go. Heavy panting is all that remains in the room and he strips the condom quickly, throwing it away before wrapping his arms around you and hugging you to him tightly once more.

“Fuck...I was not intending that. I was trying to be good.” He mumbles against your shoulder, not noticing the way you give him a tired smile of affection in the mirror as your hand comes up to run through his messy hair. 

“I didn’t want you to be good. I wanted you to fuck me good and hard, and you did. So thank you.” You murmur, turning around and pressing a kiss to his lips firmly. Neither of you move for a few moments, simply enjoying the post-coital bliss of an orgasm induced intimacy before Hoseok finally pulls away with a contented noise.

“Okay princess, now that we’ve got even more dirty...let’s finally take that shower.”

-

Hoseok finally manages to leave your house an hour and a half later, meaning that he’s running behind on his own internal schedule and he feels the slight anxiety that he always does when he’s not being on time. With three kids, he’s had to learn to strictly regiment his time if he ever wants to get anything accomplished.

Whether they obey or not is a different story entirely.

After getting out of the shower and pulling on some clothes, he’d then been forced to sit down on your couch while you cooked him a quick breakfast. The very idea of having food cooked for him by someone who wasn’t his mom was bizarre after so many years, but he’d enjoyed eating the over cooked toast and bacon more than he’d like to admit. 

He’d originally intended to run out to the grocery store and grab the food for dinner before heading back home and cleaning everything up. Only you’d looked far too anxious about tonight when he’d been on his way out, shooting multiple questions at him that gave away your nerves and he’d felt sympathy swell.

It was easy for him to focus on his girls and worry about their reaction, but he had to try and remember that this meeting involved you as well. And you were at a severe disadvantage in that you are the odd one out, the one intruding into his family unit.

So he’d found himself asking if you wanted to help him before he’d even realised. Part of him felt bad about it as it meant that the girl would be coming home to someone they don’t know, but he figured that they already knew they were meeting you anyway. It would at least allow you to calm yourself down and get a little more comfortable in his home before you finally meet his daughters.

Which was why he was currently walking down the aisle of the grocery store, hand tightly entwined with yours as he pondered what to make for dinner. He was actually glad that you were here for that and he posed the question to you, causing you to hum lightly as you lean into him.

“What do the girls like?” The question throws him a little and he frowns, looking at the rows of microwaveable rice before glancing back at you.

“Well...what do you want to eat though? You’re the reason we’re having a special dinner.” He can hear the soft sigh you give, your head resting against his shoulder and his chest warms at the small gesture of affection. It might not seem much to others but to someone as romantically starved as him, it was unbelievably fulfilling.

Pulling away from him, you move back until you’re gently tugging at him to move and he follows you quietly. “No, we’re going to cook what your daughters love to eat because this is going to be an awkward time for them and their favourite home cooked meal will be one less thing they have to worry about. So what do they like to eat?”

His heart flips at the concern and warmth in your voice, causing him to smile as he glances down, tugging you closer and kissing your forehead quickly. “We’ll make lasagne, they all like that and it’ll give us plenty of food. You like that right? And I know you like garlic bread.”

You grin impishly at that, nodding enthusiastically and he chuckles. “I’ll go get the stuff for the bread, you get the stuff for the lasagne yeah? Should I…” A pause causes him to look at you with a raised brow, watching the indecision flutter across your face before carrying on. “Should I get them anything? Like...a present or...chocolate or something?”

“No, don’t get them anything. I mean maybe you should but...I don’t personally like the idea. I don’t want them to feel like you’re trying to buy their affection and love. Just...be yourself.” There’s a brief hesitation before you nod almost shyly, arm moving to cover your stomach in a protective gesture before you head off in search of the ingredients.

Time seems to move faster after that and before he realises it, it’s already time for him to go collect the girls from his parents. The house had been fully tidied and cleaned, though he’d wondered why on earth he was doing that when you were literally cleaning it with him but something he’d discovered today was that apparently you had a strange kink for cleaning.

Not even sexual, you just liked to clean. He’d laughed when he’d discovered that, your excitement at the Dyson vacuum cleaner he’d produced spurring on the new revelation and he’d proclaimed that he had a house that would bring you eternal joy.

Three children meant there was no such thing as a clean house, just organised chaos. And sometimes not even organised, just plain chaos. 

But true to your word, you hadn’t uttered a single complaint and had instead sung loudly to the music he’d played on the speakers that were connected to his phone. He’d had a whole moment of affectionate bemusement as he’d watched you wiggle around the living room, singing while you even dusted for him.

There had been a few moments of quietness from you when you’d noted the pictures of Yoo-jin on the mantle of the fireplace. He kept a few dotted around the house for the girls and he’d worried for a moment that you’d feel jealous or annoyed.

Instead, you’d simply picked up the silver framed wedding photograph, taking note of the younger Hoseok in a suit and the pretty girl in a beautiful wedding dress next to him, both smiling so brightly with a small Soo-ah in his arms. It was his favourite picture of Yoo-jin and he still felt a bubble of love for her when he looked at it.

Which is why he hoped you wouldn’t be mean. And you hadn’t been, instead looking at him with a small smile and carefully placing the frame onto the floor before moving the others as well. “She was beautiful.”

And then you’d knelt down on the floor and carefully polished the frames until they were spotless, giving them a level of care and attention that had him having to leave the room so that you couldn’t see the tears in his eyes.

Once he’d recovered himself, he’d gone back in and sorted out storing the many toys away while telling you stories behind some of the pictures and preening ever so slightly over how you cooed over the photos of his daughters. Damn right they were cute.

Now though, he was shrugging on a jacket and picking up his car keys to go get them and bring them home. It’s only when he looks back round that he sees the way your shoulders are curled inwards, making yourself small while your hands cross over your chest. 

Moving back over, he hugs you tightly to him before kissing your forehead as your chin rests on his chest, nerves evident in every part of you. “Hey, come on. It’ll be okay. Remember, if they don’t respond well tonight then it’s just the first time. Don’t take it to heart.”

“I know. It’s just...I don’t really know what to do, you know? Never met my boyfriend’s kids before.” A quiet laugh leaves him before he dips down, pressing his lips to your own in a quick kiss.

“I love you,” He turns around and heads to the door, knowing that you’re probably going to end up cleaning something else. Part of him wonders if he should have you leave and come back in half an hour but that seems stupid. So he shakes his head and opens the door, looking back at you and smiling. “Please, try and relax a little.”

“Okay. Love you.”

-

Pulling into the driveway, Hoseok takes a deep breath to fortify his nerves before glancing into the mirror to check on the twins in the backseat. His parents had, as expected, spoilt all three and the twin’s were coming home with Funko figures each to put on their shelves while Soo-ah had a ridiculously thick book of horse breeds.

One day, he worried that he might be expected to buy her a horse. He didn’t like horses, and he certainly didn’t want to own one. You were currently convincing him to let her have horse riding lessons and he was considering it as her Christmas present, but he still worried immensely that she would get hurt.

Still, she was slowly proving that it wasn’t a phase and he knew that he was going to have to relent sooner rather than later. He didn’t want to be the dad who stifled her passions and dreams, even if it could potentially cause interest.

“Okay everyone, we’re back. Now...as I said before, Y/N is already here. She helped me to make dinner and clean the house for you guys! So it’s all clean. Ideally, I’d like you to keep it clean but I know you rascals,” He eyes the twins at that and they both give him identical toothy grins. “Are probably going to mess it all up.”

“Grandma was excited.” Ji-eun blurts out, her expression mischievous as if she was fully aware that she was tattling on his own mother. He can’t help the smile that spreads as he imagines his mom gushing to them. She’d spent years now trying to get him to finally move on, so needless to say, she’d been beyond ecstatic when he’d told her last week that he was going to introduce the girls to you.

“Grandma needs to learn to keep her nose out,” He mused quietly before laughing. “Anyway, I’m just going to ask one last time...please be good for me? Be on your best behaviour and be polite. You don’t have to like her, but I did not raise rude girls, right?” 

The stern look he gives the twins causes them to give him carefully blank faces as they nod slowly. He eyes them for a moment longer, knowing that trouble was never far with them, before turning to Soo-ah. She sits next to him in the passenger seat quietly, arms wrapped around the book and her hair in low pigtails.

“Soo-ah?” She tenses slightly when he says her name before looking at him, her brown eyes filled with so many emotions he didn’t understand. But despite all that, she nods slowly while her lips purse out.

Before he can say anything else, the twins are rushing out of the car and bolting over towards the door. He swore under his breath before getting out of the car himself, watching with resignation as they rush inside.

Looking back at Soo-ah, he sees her quietly getting out and closing the door in a much more gentler fashion than her excitable sisters. Hoseok can’t help but walk over to her, crouching down and looking up at her as he takes one of her hands gently between his own. The fact he has to look up at her now while crouching makes him sad, yet he’s so proud of her too.

“Soo-soo...if you don’t want to do this then you can tell me. You don’t have to meet her. I can ask her to go home, or I can take you back to your grandparents if you want. I’m not going to force you to do something that you don’t want to do, okay?” The only sounds for a few moments are the chirping of the birds in the trees that line the street and a car engine in the distance.

“It’s okay dad. She can stay. I’ll meet her.” His brow creases and he reaches up to run his hand down her hair slowly.

“Are you sure?” One more time, just to make doubly sure because he knows his daughter well. And he knows that she’s not entirely happy, but what can he do when she’s verbally telling him it’s okay? He’s giving plenty of chances for her to back out and he wouldn’t be mad at her. Sad, yes, but not angry. 

“Yes daddy.” And with that, she heads into the house as well. He’s left to stand there, face grimaced as he wonders if he should just call it all off. But then he suddenly realises that you’re on your own in there, with his daughters.

“Shit.” He curses and runs inside, faltering in the doorway that leads into the living room. The twins are sat on the couch while Soo-ah is in the arm chair, all three quiet and looking at you like you’re something fascinating. They’re pretty relaxed whereas you’re stiff as a board in the doorway to the kitchen, a brittle smile on your face that turns into one of relief when you see him.

“Hey err...we’re back? Obviously.  Erm, okay well. Girls, this is Y/N, my...girlfriend,” He doesn’t really know if he’s meant to be introducing you as that or just his friend, but they’d already figured it out the other night anyway. “Y/N, this is my eldest daughter, Soo-ah. And this is Ji-soo with her hair down and Ji-eun with her hair in a ponytail.”

“Hello Y/N.” The twins said at the same time, their voices light and whimsical and he almost hisses at how creepy they sound. They’re doing it purposefully, he can see the shine in their eyes because they know people find it weird when they do that. Soo-ah simply gives a polite hello of her own, dipping her head ever so slightly in welcome.

“Hi...erm,” He can tell that you’re struggling to say something and he so desperately wants to go over and place a reassuring arm around you. But he can’t, because he feels he should be with the girls instead. “It’s nice to meet you all. Your dad has told me so much about you.”

The sudden ringing of an alarm in the kitchen interrupts whatever else you were about to say and Hoseok jerks, eyes glancing behind you to the room. “Okay, girls...clean up and then come to the table. Be quick, we’re having lasagne.”

That gets a bright smile from all three as they jump up and rush towards the bathroom situated downstairs, eager to wash their hands before going into the dining room. You’d set the table earlier for him once he’d shown you where everything was and even now, you were helping him by bringing some of the food into the room.

His daughters were smiling in delight as he served the lasagne out to them, his own stomach rumbling at the smell and he realised belatedly that neither you nor him had eaten since breakfast. The plate you place down with garlic bread is soon emptied, with Hoseok making sure to grab two pieces and place one on your own plate.

It’s odd, having five people at the table instead of three, he thinks to himself as he sits down after handing you the plate with your own lasagne. All of them are used to it being just the four of them, with Soo-ah normally sitting next to Hoseok while the twins sit opposite. But today, Hoseok is sat at the end of the table with Soo-ah next to him on the right while you’re next to him on the left. 

It unnerves him a little, taking this weird head of the table position but he doesn’t mention it as he takes a mouthful of lasagne. A quiet hum of appreciation comes from you and he glances over, chewing and smiling at the way your eyes close in delight.

“Daddy! Ji-soo has more than me!” Ji-eun complains before shrieking as her sister pinches her arm. Already, Hoseok has visions of a full fight blowing up between the two because if they’re not being sweet with each other then they’re having astonishing fights and Ji-eun is already turning around to retaliate.

“Hey! What did I say earlier? Best behaviour. Do not fight.” Hoseok hisses at them, eyes narrowing as he gestures a finger at them. Both girls slump down in their chairs, sauce covered lips pursing as they glare at each other. 

And then, as always with their contradictory nature, Ji-soo carefully cuts a piece of lasagne and places it on her sister’s plate without a word. Ji-eun smiles happily and eats it, doing a little butt wiggle dance in her seat in victory and Hoseok has to fight the urge to laugh at them.

Glancing at you, he notes your widened eyes at his sudden rebuke and his cheeks heat up. “Sorry. You get used to it. They’re either working together to cause trouble or they’re fighting with each other.”

You nod slowly at his explanation before a wry smile spreads, eyes flicking back over to the girls who are now sat being good as gold. “It’s okay. I had a friend in high school who was a twin. They had the worst fights but you did not want to come between them. It must be nice to have someone who will always be there for you.”

“You know someone with a twin too?!” Ji-soo exclaims loudly, her pretty eyes going wide with astonishment and Hoseok doesn’t even bother to stop his laugh this time. They’d never met any other twins before and they knew from people’s reactions that they were pretty special.

“I did! I’m not friends with them anymore but she had a twin brother, not a sister like you two. They had a special language that they would talk in and only they understood it.” At that, Ji-eun is the one to squeal in excitement as she claps her hands.

“We do! Daddy hates it when we do.” He grumbles good naturedly at that, pointing at them with his fork before taking another bite of lasagne with a grin. 

“Yeah, it was very strange listening to them. But that’s special though, it means that only you two will ever be able to understand it so it’s something that only you share.” They nod slowly, smiling brightly at your encouragement and his heart warms at how they seem to be pretty accepting of you so far.

His eyes flicker to Soo-ah who’s eating methodically, keeping quiet. She’s always been a quiet girl, but he feels like the silence is more oppressive this time and he chews slowly, wondering how to get her involved too.

You’re talking to the twins now about your favourite Marvel movie, because he’d told you all about their love of the superhero genre and it was a pretty easy way to win favour with them. It seemed to be working too, as Ji-soo was sidling up to you as close as she could get in her chair, her eyes stern with concentration as she discusses in her five-year-old language why she thinks that Black Panther is the best movie.

Which is then countered by Ji-eun’s outraged shout as she disagrees vehemently, proclaiming that the best film is obviously Captain Marvel because she’s a girl and she’s cool and powerful. It leaves him to smile as he rolls his eyes, you throwing your own hat into the ring with the suggestion that your own favourite film is the first Avengers.

He contemplates if he should have warned you about the fact that they’ll never stop talking now that you’ve shown an interest in their favourite subject ever. At least he’d never really mentioned their second passion lately which was Pokemon. 

Admittedly, he was on board with both of these passions but he’d spent so long now discussing them with two overly eager daughters that the very subjects inspired more of a sigh than excitement. Though he would still be taking them to see every film that came out.

“Soo-ah, did you know that Y/N goes horse riding? She even used to do show jumping in high school.” He gestures towards you with an overly bright smile, hoping that discussing his eldest’s favourite passion would encourage her to engage with you in the same way.

All he gets is a sullen look and a shrug before she puts another forkful in her mouth. Despair fills him momentarily but he’s surprised when you take the initiative and take up the conversation he’d suggested. He hadn’t even realised you were listening to him.

“I did! I used to go to competitions on the weekends with my horse, Artemis. She was a really good jumper but I wasn’t very good with her unfortunately. We never really won anything but it was just for fun. Now I just ride whenever I get time. Artemis is pretty old now so we just go trail riding.” Hoseok smiles as your eyes light up as you discuss your horse.

He knew that you were expecting to lose her any time now and it would probably hugely devastate you. After all, you’d had her since you were only 14 and she was still here, 17 years later.

“Cool.” Is the only response he gets from his daughter and he has to bite his tongue in frustration. He’d known that she was going to be the hard one to crack, but he didn’t think she was going to be this cold about it all.

“I think you’d like Artemis, Soo-soo. She’s a...Dutch Warmblood?” He looks at you in question, relieved when you nod in confirmation before he’s smiling back at his daughter. “You told me about those, right? They’re supposed to be really good at that kind of stuff? Maybe, if you want, Y/N will let you ride her.” 

“Of course, she’s really sweet and she’d be good for someone who’s never ridden. She’s old now but as long as you’re not mean with her then she’d be happy to take you round a ring. I think that you’d find her very pretty. She used to be dapple grey but is now just pretty much white.” You say with a smile, turning your head as Ji-soo asks if she can ride too.

“I don’t care.” Soo-ah says suddenly, her voice firm and raised and Hoseok looks at her sharply. Her cheeks are flushed while her brows dip inwards, annoyance and anger written all over her face. “I don’t care about your stupid horse or your stupid riding. I don’t care!”

The silence at the table is awkward after that and Hoseok feels numb, unsure what he’s supposed to do to resolve this situation. So he carefully places his cutlery down on his cleared plate and coughs quietly, giving Soo-ah a smile.

“Soo-ah, sweetheart. It’s okay-” He’s cut off immediately though, as if a switch has been flipped in her.

“Stop saying that! It’s not going to be okay! Because she’s going to come here and ruin everything! You’re going to forget about mom and we have to accept her! I won’t! I don’t care about you! I hate you!” She spat viciously at you but despite her anger, there’s tears brimming in her eyes and Hoseok has never felt more helpless. “I don’t want to talk to you! My dad might love you but I won’t! I never will! I love my mom!”

And with that, she slams her chair out of the way and storms out of the room. The thundering of her feet on the stairs as she runs to her room is soon followed by the resounding slam of her bedroom door and Hoseok feels stunned.

Blinking for a few moments, he watches as the twins faces crease slightly and he can see the tears in their own eyes as uncertainty and fear fills them. They glance between him, you and the doorway and he knows they don’t know what to do.

Are they supposed to be angry with you too, like their sister? He doesn’t want that, and so he clears his tight throat and smiles at them both, a little stiff but they still relax a little.

“It’s okay. Soo-ah’s...not happy about me bringing Y/N here. And she’s allowed to feel that, I’m not mad at her,” Okay, so he was a little bit as she’d just been incredibly rude and mean but it was already fading because most importantly, he understood her. “If you aren’t happy either, then you can tell me. It’s okay.”

Ji-soo looks at him, her beautiful brown eyes shining with unshed tears that she wipes away with a firm hand before shaking her head. “I’m okay daddy. Is Soo-ah okay?”

“She...will be. I’m sure. She’s just...it’s hard for her.” He smiles slightly, moving into Soo-ah’s chair to brush a few strands of hair out of Ji-eun’s face as she watches him quietly. Without even saying anything, she shuffles closer and leans against his side.

“Because she had mommy right?” The question is quiet and his throat feels so tight that it’s hard to swallow. They may only be five, but his twins are so smart and caring.

“Yeah, because she had mommy. So she remembers her, and she’s just worried. But we’re not gonna forget about mommy. She will always be important, okay?” He presses his lips to Ji-eun’s head, kissing her hair before looking at Ji-soo and giving her a reassuring smile.

They’re both quiet for a moment before nodding, and his heart swells with emotion as Jisoo turns to you and takes your hand in her own small ones. “It’s okay. We like you.”

He doesn’t get to see your reaction as he’s looking back at the doorway, wondering if he should go to her and check that she’s doing okay or just let her cool down. On the one hand, he doesn’t want her to feel suffocated when she’s obviously upset but at the same time, he doesn’t want her to feel like he’s abandoning her.

“Go.” You whisper and he looks back sharply, catching your eye as you gesture your head to the door. “It’s okay. Go.”

He stands up and goes to make a move before hesitating, uncertainty in him. You give him another nod and he lets out a deep sigh as his shoulders fall.

“I’ll be right back,” Hoseok smiles awkwardly, mouth stiff as he avoids your eyes. “Be good girls okay? I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He bends down and kisses the twin’s heads, taking in their expression to make sure they’re okay and feeling a bit of relief as their faces are cautiously neutral.

“It’s okay Hoseok, go check on her. I’ll be okay. I’m sure that we can find something fun to do, right?” You give him a tight smile, nerves evident as you look back at the twins with tentative hope. They’d reacted pretty well to Soo-ah’s outburst but he was worried that they might be mean while he was gone. But you give him a ‘go’ look and he knows that you can look after yourself.

So he heads out, feeling a little bad that he’s leaving the table but he has to at least check on Soo-ah. He isn’t sure if he’s supposed to be ignoring her or not but that feels wrong in his gut. She’s already worried about things he doesn’t even know yet, he’d rather not add to that by not coming to see her. At least she knows that her dad is always there for her, even when she doesn’t want him.

Her door is firmly closed and he stands outside it for a moment, hands clenching and unclenching as he’s unsure what to do now. This isn’t a conversation he really knows how to have, but he takes it as a positive really. It at least means that her life since Yoo-jin’s death hasn’t been too tumultuous. 

Taking a deep breath, he raps his knuckles against the door quietly and leans forward, his ear almost pressed to the door. “Soo-ah? It’s dad...are you okay?”

Silence answers him and his stomach sinks. He desperately wants to go in and comfort her, make her smile or just talk to her about her concerns but he’s been very clear over the years about their personal space. A closed door means that he can’t enter without their permission.

It might seem a little extreme given young they all are, but as the only male in the house he felt it was necessary to set those boundaries. When their door was closed, he wouldn’t go in unless invited. They’d grown to be pretty respectful of that for him as well and he was immensely relieved at the high levels of trust they all had with each other all ready.

They needed to know that they had a space that was private and safe, only for them. Which is why he lets out yet another deep sigh, his forehead resting against the white painted wood. It’s at moments like this that he wishes Yoo-jin were still here, so that she can help.

A flash of guilt runs through him then, both for wishing that she was alive when it meant he wouldn’t be with you but also because he is here with his daughters and Yoo-jin isn’t. Swallowing, he pushes that thought away before trying again.

“Soo-soo...I’m not...I’m not mad at you. I know you, and I know that you’re not mean or cruel. You’re just...I know this is confusing for you, and it’s hard. I’m not angry, and neither is Y/N. We understand, but I wish you’d talk to me. Please, let me know what’s upsetting you exactly.” Hoseok really isn’t sure what he’s meant to be saying to her but he’s speaking the truth; he isn’t mad with her.

He was at first, when the biting words spilled out of her. Firstly because he was simply shocked that his daughter could be that rude and mean but then secondly because he’d seen the hurt that had flashed over your face at her blunt rejection. But that had gone quickly when he’d seen the film of tears that had glazed over his little girl’s eyes and he’d known that she only lashing out because she was confused and scared.

“Soo-soo…” His voice trailed off, uncertainty over what to do when he heard noises from inside and his heart jumped a little. 

“Go away dad,” Soo-ah’s voice was strained and he could practically hear the tears, causing his face to grimace as his paternal instincts screamed at him to go to his hurting daughter. “Leave me alone.”

“Soo-ah...sweetheart…”

“Go away!” The words are shrill and he closes his eyes, feeling his whole body drain of energy as he recognises a losing battle. Well, no one can say he didn’t at least try. And at least he’s come to her, even if she doesn’t want him there. It’s not even one of those scenarios where she’s telling him to go away but he can tell she actually wants him there.

This is one of those times when she evidently wants to be left alone. So he will, for now at least.

“Okay Soo-ah, I’ll go. But I’m downstairs if you need me. Just come, or call, and I’ll come up okay? I’m not mad, you can talk to me,” He rests his hand on the door, trying to push through his love and affection to her. “I love you.”

With that, he lets his shoulders slump in defeat, waiting a few moments longer to see if she would come out before walking back down the hall. As much as he’d love to sit and wait her out, he has two other daughters that he needs to be worrying about. Two twin five-year-old’s, actually, who he’s left alone with you.

The realisation causes him to pause, eyes widening as he realises the carnage he could have potentially left you with. They’re handfuls with him, and he at least has the authority to ground them or tell them off. He can’t even imagine how easily they’re running you around.

Rushing down the stairs, he moves into the dining room only to pause in confusion, noting the suspiciously clean table. Heading through to the kitchen, he hears the dishwasher running and is even more confused.

The girl’s don’t know how to use the dishwasher, which must mean that you’d put them in there for him. Guilt rises immediately as he realises that you’ve cleaned up dinner for him, giving him one less thing to do. He appreciates it, but at the same time, he can’t help but think his mom would be scolding him right now.

You’re a guest in his house. Therefore, you should not be cleaning up after yourself. He should be doing that for you.

A sudden peal of bright, girlish laughter from the living room distracts him and he headed through the doorway in pursuit of it. The scene he comes across makes him pause in surprise, head tilting for a moment before a smile spreads and he rests his shoulder against the frame.

None of them have seen him yet, but the twins had you down on the floor with them as they showed you their expansive toy collection. Currently, they had the whole set of Avengers dolls along with others he’d bought for them from the Marvel collection. They were most definitely superhero girls, and currently they were fighting over who got to play as Captain Marvel.

Despite the fact they had three versions of her, but he’d discovered over the years that if one of them wanted something then the other wanted it twice as much. You were sat between them both, a bemused smile on your face as you held a Shuri and Black Panther doll in each hand, looking them over intently.

“Hey, hey! Come on now, let’s not fight, yeah? How about...neither of you be Captain Marvel because you’re both fighting? Why not be someone else? Shuri’s really cool,” You wiggle the doll with a grin, brows raising as you raise her arms up and pretend to fire lasers like in the film. “And then we’ve also got Nebula!”

“Nebula’s bad!” Ji-soo pouted, flopping down onto her butt and crossing her arms. Ji-eun pushed her immediately, laughing loudly as her sister fell over.

“Nebula’s cool! I wanna be her.” She grabbed the doll from you quickly and grinned up at you, pushing the sheet of black hair out of her eyes and behind her ear. He really did need to get their hair cut. It was a mess of tangles as usual right now, causing him to sigh as he knew how much of a struggle it was to get them to sit still and have their hair brushed.

“Nuh-uh, Shuri’s the best. She’s smart. I’m smarter than you.” Hoseok has to bite his lower lip to keep the chuckle inside that so desperately wants to escape as he watches your face fall slightly as they begin to fight once more. Welcome to his world, he thinks to himself, fully amused.

“Hey now, what have I told you both about fighting?” He says sternly, heading into the room and standing over them both with raised brows. There’s absolutely no need to look at you, because he’s fully aware that he’s using his dad voice right. 

And he was equally aware of your thoughts about his ‘dad’ voice, given all the times he’d been on the phone with you and suddenly had to to tell them off, or when he’d given them their goodnight call when they were with their grandparents. It had made him embarrassed at first, to realise his voice changed that much but you’d just been thoroughly amused.

Ji-soo immediately smiles at him, rushing up to her feet and running over to him with Shuri clasped tightly in her hand. He laughed loudly and came back over with her, small hand clasped tightly in his own as she directed him to sit on the floor next to you. Looking over at you with a small smile, he leans over and whispers to you.

“Thank you for cleaning up, but you really didn’t have to.”

“Hoseok, I was alone with twin five-year-old’s that I don’t know. When I’m anxious, I clean. Besides, it wasn’t any trouble and they wanted to help.” His brows rose at that and he looked back at the twin’s, taking in the sloping noses that resembled his own so strongly.

“Wow...so it’s just daddy that you won’t help, huh?” Pressing a hand to his chest, he pouts dramatically in a wounded tone that has Ji-eun giggling as she launches herself at him and settles in his lap. She’s getting too big to be doing this, but he won’t complain. One day, she won’t do it all.

“Daddy said we have to be good.” His heart warmed at that and an immense flush of pride swelled deep within, pressing a kiss to her head in pure paternal love. Glancing back at you, his cheeks flushed slightly at the look of adoration you give him and he just knows that you’re internally screaming at his interaction.

“So. If you’re Nebula, and Ji-soo is Shuri...then what can Y/N and I be? What about...if I’m Captain Marvel?” Ji-eun gasps loudly, shaking her head furiously and he splutters out a mouthful of hair as her ponytail smacks him firmly in the face.

“No daddy! You can’t. You have to be Iron Man!” He lets out another gasp, not actually bothered because Iron Man was cool but he’d actually wanted to be Captain Marvel. The film was great, sue him.

“Why? Because I’m a boy!” Yet he doesn’t push away the Iron Man doll, he calls them dolls purely because figurine is probably too hard for them to say to right now. The red and gold figurine is well used, scratches and dents marring the plastic surface from the intense playing they’d given him over the years.

Which included seeing if he could fly by throwing him out of the window onto the drive. That would have just gotten an eye roll from him normally, except they’d thrown him with some force and he’d landed firmly on Hoseok’s car. Who would have known that such a small toy would cause such a scratch on the windscreen?

“No daddy, because Y/N can be Pepper.” Ji-soo hands you a doll, smaller than the others and from the Iron Man 3 film but just as good. You take it from her with a gracious smile but he can see the confusion in your eyes as to why you have to be Pepper Potts and not one of the other superheroes. 

He doesn’t even think to question the fact that his kids that are doing that odd thing where they both seem to know exactly what the other is thinking. 

“Why Pepper? Why can’t she be Captain Marvel if I can’t?” Playfully, he pushes at the doll in Ji-eun’s hands and she giggles sweetly, looking up at him with those warm brown eyes that he loves so dearly.

“Because Iron Man loves Pepper, and you love Y/N.” Well...there’s not much room for argument there really. His cheeks once more flush red as he steadfastly avoids your eyes, oddly embarrassed at his daughters for outing him so thoroughly to you. You knew he loved you obviously, but the easy acceptance with which they react makes him feel a little odd. 

He doesn’t really know why, but he pushes it away and takes a deep breath. “Okay sweetpea. Now then...what bad guy are we fighting?” 

-

Soo-ah doesn’t come down for the rest of the night, nor does she let Hoseok into her room whenever he comes to check on her. It fills him with worry and he knows that he spends most of the night looking at the ceiling in anxiety.

He knows that, because he’s had more than a few comforting touches or smiles from you throughout the evening. An hour of playing with the twins had soon turned into them sitting with both Hoseok and you on the couch while episodes of Pokemon played on the flat screen television.

They seemed to have got along with you pretty well, and while they certainly weren’t being overly accommodating, they had been open enough that he got the impression that everything was going to be pretty okay with them. You had enough common interests with them to keep them entertained and he had the added benefit of them both being influenced by each other.

So if one really liked you, then the other would come around soon.

Ji-soo in particular seemed to be the one that he suspected would latch onto you with a few more visits. She was already more than enamoured in the stories you’d told her of the places that you’d been over the years and he wondered if you knew that you were probably going to end up with two little shadows soon enough.

After a few episodes of Pokemon, he’d put on Detective Pikachu at Ji-eun’s request because you hadn’t seen it before and they found that to be a complete travesty. It had been around 8pm then and he was being generous in letting them stay up later than he normally would in honour of your visit.

The first hour of the film had involved you having to spend more time listening to the running commentary from the twin’s as they explained important plot points, or what they was important, and point out every little thing. He was pretty sure that you hadn’t actually been able to properly watch any of it, and he made a mental note to watch it again with you at a later date.

And then everything had gone silent. He’d been so invested in his own thoughts and worry about Soo-ah that he hadn’t even noticed until the credits were rolling and no one had complained about it.

Turning his head, he couldn’t help the smile that spread over his face as he took in the sight next to him. Something he probably hadn’t expected to happen for months, but evidently all three were more tired than he’d anticipated.

Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he quietly unlocked it and turned on the camera before taking a picture. Staring at his screen, he grinned and set it to his home screen and placed his phone on the arm of the couch.

Ji-eun was curled up next to her sister, her head resting on Ji-soo’s shoulder until their hair blended together perfectly. Ji-soo on the other hand, was curled up into your side, your arm resting around them both while your head had fallen back against the couch, all three sleeping quietly and he felt a ridiculous amount of warmth and love for you all.

Carefully, he stood up and lifted Ji-eun up as slowly as he could so as not to wake her. She made a soft little noise of complaint in his arms but didn’t stir, not until he was shifting her bed covers until he could get her beneath them. Ideally, he’d like to get her into her pyjamas and have her brush her teeth, but he knew that if he tried to wake her then he’d just have grumpiness followed by an inability to sleep for another few hours.

So this time, he’d let them sleep in their clothes. 

He repeated the same actions with Ji-soo before giving them both a kiss on the head and whispering good night to them, turning off the lamp in their room and closing the door behind him while their night light glowed warmly. Heading back downstairs, he was left with the sight of you fast asleep on the couch.

Hoseok realised that he really, really liked the sight of you in his home like this. It was an odd feeling and he shook his head, moving into the kitchen and looking in the fridge. The dish of lasagne had been left on the side, some foil covering it as it had cooled and he looked inside casually.

There was one slice left, and without a word he put it into a small tupperware tub before heading back into the living room. Crouching down next to you, he placed his hand on your knee and pushed gently while calling out your name to wake you.

A quiet groan left you as you blinked blearily, eyes glazed until they focused on him. They were blank for a moment before filling with warmth as he smiled up at you. Glancing to the side, you frowned slightly at the missing girls and he laughed slightly, standing up and taking your hand to pull you up.

You wobbled slightly, leaning your weight against him as you got your balance but he took care of that by wrapping his arms around your shoulders and hugging you to him tightly. Neither said anything for a few minutes, just simply enjoying the feeling of being in each others arms and he wished that you didn’t have to go.

“Tonight was...good. I love the twins already, they’re...characters,” You chuckle against his chest and he can’t help but laugh in return as he nods. “But sweet. I really like them. And who knew you were this good at cooking hmm? Really got myself a man who can do it all huh?”

His cheeks burn bright red then as he makes a few protesting noises but you shush him loudly, leaning your chin on his chest to look up at him with an adoring expression. “I love you. Your family...is wonderful. I can feel the love between you all, it’s...really nice. Even with Soo-ah. I was a bit awkward but I can understand why she feels like that. I hope that she can come round to me.”

“I’m sure she will. One day. I’m not going to push her though. I feel bad about it because I knew she wasn’t okay with it, but she kept telling me she was. Maybe I moved too fast with it all.” You shake your head in response, tightening your arms around him and pressing a kiss to his chest.

“She’s a big girl, and if she tells you that she’s okay with something then you have to take her at face value sometimes. We all do things that we don’t really want to do. I get the feeling that she was trying for you and at least the ice is broken now. If she refuses to have anything to do with me then...that’s within her rights I guess. At least I’ve met her. Don’t beat yourself up about it, please.” He lets out a bone deep sigh before nodding slowly.

“Okay. Thank you. For today...everything. I...despite the thing with Soo-ah, I’m really happy. Like...really, I’m so glad that the twins seem to like you a lot.” Pulling away from him, you grin as you head out into the hallway and grab your jacket and bag.

“I’m glad that you’re happy. You deserve some happiness too Hoseok, remember that.” Nodding, he catches sight of one of the photographs of Yoo-jin on the wall and swallows thickly. You were right, he did deserve to be happy as well. Yoo-jin wouldn’t want him to wallow forever.

“Oh, you can take the last of the lasagne. This is not going to get eaten unless it’s by me having midnight munchies, and I do not need the extra weight.” Patting his stomach, he held out the container which you took with a bemused expression.

“You make out like you’re overweight Hoseok. You’re not. You’re cuddly sized.” The teasing in your voice causes him to roll his eyes but he just accepts you hug once more, the muffled thanks from you taken in gratitude as he takes a deep inhale of you.

“Be safe. Drive carefully. Text me when you get home.” You exaggeratedly agree to all of his demands before he lets you go, standing in the open door as you turn to him and pull him down into a goodbye kiss. It maybe goes on a little too long, but he doesn’t care.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Text me.” He says sternly, wagging a finger in your direction as you head over to your car in the darkness.

“Yes dad!”

“Don’t start that again!” But his protest is pointless as you just laugh and get into your car, reversing out of his drive and pulling away. He watches until he can’t see your tail lights anymore before heading back in and locking the door behind him.

His usual nightly routine is followed after that, but after he brushed his teeth and had done his business in the bathroom, he heads back over to Soo-ah’s door and knocks lightly. There’s no answer, and he wonders if she’s gone to sleep.

It makes his heart hurt to think that he can’t resolve this tonight with her, but he decides that he’s going to try and heal the rift between them tomorrow. He has to. He can’t go on with his little girl being mad at him.

After a few more minutes of silence, he sighed heavily and turns off the light before heading into his own bedroom. He spends half an hour beneath the covers of his bed, scrolling through social media and the news on his phone. You haven’t texted him yet, and worry fills him when suddenly, a light knock reverberates around the room.

Sitting up suddenly, he frowns and calls out for whoever it is to come in. The door opens slowly and he’s met with Soo-ah, dressed in her pyjamas and her hair still in the pigtails from earlier. She looks shy and hesitant, her gaze on the floor as one hand crosses over the stomach, holding the doorknob firmly.

“Can I come in daddy?” Immediately he’s nodding, opening his arms to her and she quietly closes the door behind her before rushing over, climbing onto the bed and burying herself in his arms. Even in the dim light of his bedside lamp, he’d recognised the swollen red eyes of someone who has spent a long time crying and he coos to her softly as she wraps her arms around him tightly.

Laying back on the bed, he pulls her with him and kisses her head. “Soo-soo, what’s wrong? I’m not mad at you.”

“Really? I was mean though.” Her voice is more childlike than he’s ever heard it and his heart tugs for her.

“Yeah, I’m not mad. I mean...I wish you hadn’t been mean, but I know that it’s a tough situation for you. Y/N wasn’t mad either. I just...I wish that you would have told me that you didn’t want to and I would have told her to go home. You’re important to me Soo-ah, your comfort is important.” He whispers to her.

“I was okay with it, I swear. I was worried, because I don’t want her to take mom’s place. But I know you like her. And you’ve always been alone,” She pauses, burying her face in his chest while her small arms squeeze him tighter. “I tried, but...I just...I was angry. She’s pretty and smart and funny, and you look at her all funny and it made me angry because she’s not mom.”

Hoseok blinks a few times, trying to stop himself from crying as she blurts out all of her inner feelings. He can’t even imagine how hard this has all been for her, but he lets her continue.

“I want mom, I want mom because she’s pretty and smart and funny too but mom is dead so I can’t have her. But if you’re single then she’s still here. Y/N means that she’s not here anymore, because Y/N will be here and you’ll take down her pictures and then she’ll be our mom but she’s not our mom!” Her words are fast and staccato, not really making too much sense but he doesn’t say anything about it. She’s only ten, and she’s just worried and upset about everything.

“And the twins were being so nice and they didn’t seem to care! I just wanted to scream at them! What about mom! Why does no one remember mom?!” A hiccup soon turns into a sob then and he hugs her tighter to him, letting her cry out her frazzled emotions.

“No one is going to forget mom, okay? I’m not going to forget her and she’s not going to disappear from this house. She will always be here, because you and your sisters are here. There were always be pictures of her in the house for you and I will always talk to you about her, whenever you want. I miss your mom so much, and I still love her. My relationship with Y/N doesn’t mean that she’s going to be forgotten, because she isn't. She is important to all of us and Y/N knows that. She doesn’t want to take your mom’s place, because that place is your mom’s, like I said before.” Pressing a kiss to her head again, he swallows and contemplates how to continue.

“I won’t ever expect you to call Y/N mom, and neither will she. I know you Soo-ah, and I know this is hard for you. Harder than for the twins, because you got five with your mom. But don’t be mad at them. They don’t know any different than it just being us four. They never got to have mom with them, so to them this is all new. I just...I love you all, and I don’t want to hurt any of you.” The final sentence is whispered and he feels more than a little despair.

Silence falls between them for a while before Soo-ah speaks once more.

“Tell me about mommy. Was she nice?” He’s nodding before he even realises it, flicking through his memories of the 7 years he had with Yoo-jin before finding a story for her. And so for the next hour, he proceeds to regale his daughter with all the stories of her mom that she’d never heard before. Stories he’d forgotten over time, but now remembered so vividly.

Glancing at the photograph on the other bedside table of her, his heart hurts as he remembers his beautiful wife. Kissing Soo-ah’s forehead, he smiles down at her.

“You look just like your mom. I know that she’d be so proud of you, you’re such a good girl. I know that she loves you a lot, just like I do. Don’t ever doubt that, okay? No matter what happens, I love you and your mom loves you too.” Soo-ah’s eyes fill with tears once more and she sniffles.

“I’m sorry daddy. I’m sorry I was mean to Y/N. I don’t hate her.” He laughs softly, pulling her back into a bear hug and squeezing her until she giggles, the sound making his heart soar.

“I know you don’t. I know you Soo-soo, and you’ve got too big of a heart to ever hate anyone. She knows that too.” Soo-ah quietens after that and he hums lightly, some song he heard a long time ago but can’t remember the name of. It seems to be working as Soo-ah’s eyes droop closed and she fights desperately to stay awake.

“Tell her I’m sorry. I’ll be nice next time. I swear,” She mutters, voice thick with sleep and he grins and acknowledges it. “Will she still let me ride her horse?”

He desperately wants to laugh at that and part of him wonders how much of this is because she wants to ride a horse. But he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, pun fully intended. He would give Artemis a big, juicy carrot whenever he saw her.

“She’d be happy to. If you want to, then I’ll let her teach you how to ride as well.” A tiny noise of happiness leaves his daughters mouth but she doesn’t say anything further, eyes closing finally before she’s fallen fast asleep.

He doesn’t expect this to be the last time she’ll have an issue with him dating you, in fact he fully expects more issues as she comes to terms with her feelings regarding the whole thing. But at least she came to him and told him what was upsetting her. And more than that, she had apologised for her behaviour. He wanted to apologise to her as well for putting her into the situation, but instead he was just going to have to make sure that he paid more attention next time.

For ten minutes, he simply enjoys the happiness he feels from the reconciliation with his daughter and the exultation he feels at the fact he’s not having to go to sleep with her angry at him. Finally though, he gets up and carefully takes her to her own bed, musing to himself how he ended up doing this with every daughter tonight when he hasn’t had to put Soo-ah to bed like this in years now.

When he gets back to his own, he sees the message icon on his phone blinking and eagerly jumps back into bed, turning the screen on to see that you had finally texted him.

[9:31pm] Y/N: I’m home :)

[9:31pm] Y/N: I stopped at the store and they had a 2 for 1 on your shampoo. 

[9:32pm] Y/N: You can keep one here and take the other home :)

[9:32pm] Y/N: Also bought a candy bar. I’m eating it now. Mmmm

He grins at your texts and shakes his head before his fingers are flying across the screen, typing out his own response.

[9:35pm] Hoseok: Mean, you know I can’t eat candy

[9:36pm] Y/N: We established that was a lie yesterday Mr Jung

[9:36pm] Hoseok: :(

[9:36pm] Y/N: I’d share my candy with you :)

[9:37pm] Hoseok: Ha. Thanks. For the shampoo too <3

[9:37pm] Hoseok: I just put Soo-ah to bed. She came to me. Told me why she was mad. She says sorry

[9:38pm] Y/N: She doesn’t need to apologise! She’s allowed to be mad. Is she okay?

[9:38pm] Hoseok: Yeah, it was exactly what I thought. Worried about her mom. I just have to make sure she knows I won’t forget her

[9:39pm] Y/N: You won’t. I don’t want to take her place. Even though I kind of am but you get what I mean

[9:40pm] Hoseok: I do. And I love you for it

[9:40pm] Y/N: I love you too

[9:41pm] Hoseok: She also wants to know if you’ll still let her ride Artemis

[9:42pm] Y/N: Lol, of course! 

[9:42pm] Hoseok: Kinda said you’d teach her how to ride too

[9:43pm] Y/N: Haha, again, of course. I’d be happy to for you :) and the twins if they want

[9:43pm] Hoseok: Thank you. I’m gonna sleep now. I love you <3

[9:43pm] Y/N: I love you too <3

He grins at the final message before placing his phone on the bedside table and looking at the picture of Yoo-jin and him on his own table. Smiling softly, he reaches out and brings it closer to him, rubbing his thumb over her face beneath the glass.

“I hope you’re okay with this baby. I’m sorry you can’t be here, I wish you were. I hope you’re not mad at me for being with Y/N. I think you’d approve though, I really love her a lot already and she makes me so happy. I miss you, but I hope you’re okay with me moving on. I won’t forget you though, like I told Soo-ah.” Placing the frame back on the table, he turns off the lamp and curls up beneath the covers with a sigh before drifting off to sleep, his dreams filled with his daughters, you and Yoo-jin as a happy family together.

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket SE02 (ep,2)

starting with teens in domestic lifestyle, then revealing horrible secrets, ending with a wise advice.  GENIUS!. 

-The development of verbal & physical body language between kyo & tohru:

Verbally: Tohru easily expressed happiness in spending time together. teases kyo abt the stain, asks freely abt his hate for water, his future plans. Kyo, in season 1 couldn’t believe tohru likes the cat, now he readily accepting her words. he used to avoid questions abt himself, now answers her comfortably without holding back, teases her softly abt her awful swimming technique.

Physically: Tohru doesn’t frets or gets frustrated, she cooks with him, runs around him in the way to Kazuma, touches his beads & doesn’t mind him touching her hands, she sits close to him comfortably while they talk abt swimming. Kyo, playfully giving her a teasing hit, comfortably tapping her head, holding her ribbons, fascinated with her hair, leaning forward watching while teasing her, he no longer gets frustrated in dealing with her. He completely trusts her with touching his beads, he didn’t even trust kazuma with that.

-The monster’s right to live?

The cage in ep,24 wasn’t exclusive for kazuma’s grandfather, it’s the fate of all cat zodiacs. What a tragic fate, Kyo living his childhood knowing he’ll be locked away, how crippling is that? No wonder he felt unfit for socializing in SE01,Ep2, monsters should be locked. for what crime? being born? Looking back to season 1, now I understand some of kyo’s actions. him getting angry is the culminated frustration of his fate, basically kyo is denied life. (a) dehumanized & called a monster, literally and figuratively, What does monsters do? cause harm, death! exhibit A: his mom’s death. A loving mother chooses death than to be with a monster. further proving that he deserves this fate, (b) sentenced to be imprisoned, with no hope, evidence: the many cat zodiac before him, no one escaped, & he won’t either. Potential (c), kyoko. So, that’s the message he’s given. NO HOPE. But kyo is a fighter, he wants to live, he’s trying, fighting against his own demons, the monster within, the monsters outside & fate. He stumbles here & there, fails & tries again, goes through toxic thoughts & actions, adopts toxic coping mechanism, & is still lost in depression, but he is trying & improving & accepting help, finally kyo accepts Kazuma & tohru’s help & thinks abt the possibility of a future, can I have a future? Am i allowed to? 

-The Real Monster:  Kyo’s dad doesn’t have an ugly form or rotten smell, decent looking, born a human, but he’s a monster within. The show awesomely presented kyo’s dad as sickly person, consumed by hate, unable to move on, cant enjoy the music he stacks, a broken record spewing hate repeatedly, shaking his legs with anxiety, such a sad hateful person contrasted with the calm collected peaceful kazuma. Kyo’s dad is a supporter of the toxic system within the sohmas. kyo’s dad didn’t invent the system, he’s honestly crushed by it! mocked & ashamed to be the cat’s father, the real reason the baby is conceived. In order to cleanse himself from the shame & the mockery of this toxic system, he supports it whole hardheartedly & wants it to be implemented to prove he’s not to be blamed. Ingenious writing choice.

-The writer’s ability to skillfully portray what other writers avoid: 

This ep is a proof of the writer’s skill, The ability to portray normal domestic lifestyle without making it feel boring or redundant. One of the rare cases in literature tbh. Normally writers avoid such things & use dramatic instances to strengthen relationships. But kyo & tohru’s normal calm day in kazuma’s house is a huge foundation in their relationship. between them, tohru’s excessive politeness is gone & kyo’s reluctant awkwardness vanishes. Beautiful scenes weaved skillfully & linked with the scene at shigure’s house. Kyo doesn’t only see beyond tohru masks, he also could predict her emotions before she allows herself to. It also ties with other scenes in season 1. When it is tohru’s/kyo centered ep, the writer skillfully distance other characters & create opportunities for kyo & tohru to be alone (soup scene, true form), now (Kazuma’s visit, somen cooking).The tone: I have worries & you,too.You are not my guide, you are my equal. Simple & genius.

Side notes:

Kyo’s soup scene mirrors somen scene with tons of development. (Soup: kyo cooks, Somen: both cook), (Soup: kyo supports tohru, Somen: they Both support each other), (Soup: kyo reluctantly peeks at tohru withholding his emotions. Somen: Kyo willingly leans forwards & stares fondly at tohru), (Soup: tohru cries before she shares her worries, Somen: tohru cries as kyo saw her worries before she shares them), (Soup: kyo’s closing teasing line is said awkwardly, Somen: the teasing line is said fondly, with ease & a hint of flirting).

Tohru bowing for yuki as he goes to his room is interesting. Although they are becoming closer, she still treats him with a higher level of politeness, as he still calls her Miss Honda/honda-san.

I love seeing teenage girl tohru! in the true form ep, kyo was intentionally drawn to look younger around kazuma, here tohru acted her age with teasing, cutely explaining her swimming, running & falling, sitting cutely, playing with her hairstyle, crying into a kitchen napkin, nose dripping, the questionable “that made a nice sound”lol! There is no “ my mom advised this” no “ wise tohru”. just teenage girl tohru! playing, worrying, eating! Love it!! 

Shigure can be the master of wise advise. He wisely advised kyo in SE01, EP, 2 & now tohru in SE02, EP,2.

That Kazuma’s flashback of crying depressed kyo is haunting.

Kazuma is a KING.

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 42

Warnings: profanity

Tagging: @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​, @ocfairygodmother​

She’s been asleep since they got home; curled up on the couch in a fetal position in one of his sweaters with the hood pulled over her head, the comforter from their bed pulled up past her ears. Not even stirring no matter how long and loud the baby cried (despite his best efforts to stop it) or how many times Declan would climb on top of her and play with her hair or try to cuddle with her or attempt to pry her eyes open. He tries not to let concern eat at him. Attempts to convince himself that it’s just stress and worry; a tough and shitty situation making her depression even worse. She says she’s okay with it; him getting back into the job and starting up his own merc business. She’d rather put up with the frequent absences,  the cuts, bruises, stitches and the odd broken bone than have him lose his sanity or sobriety. If the pace and the intensity of the job makes it easier for him to cope with the slower and quieter times while at home, it’s a lifestyle she’s willing to subject herself to yet again.

He wants to believe that things will be better this time. That once the craziness of the Mahajan situation is dealt with and he can focus on running the business, things will settle down. He won’t have to leave home as much as he used to and can concentrate on delegating the work to others instead of getting his own hands dirty and endangering his own life. But he knows it won’t be THAT simple. It’ll take time to get things off the ground and running smoothly, and he’ll have to trust guys enough to handle jobs on their own and do them right. There will be more blood on his hands. More kills on his record and on his conscience before that happens.

There’s another part of him… a darker and even more worried part...that fears there is something more serious going on inside of her. Easily remembering the early days of Austin’s cancer; before a diagnosis had even been made. Crushing fatigue, constant head and body aches, severe mood swings. And he tries to stop his mind from going there; not allowing his brain to dwell on worst case scenarios when it’s most likely nothing THAT bad. That it’s most likely just mental health issues and the stress of the situation hanging over their heads. It’s hard to function normally when you know there’s a price on your head and a target on your back.  But it’s also hard to abandon those fatalistic thoughts entirely. That something is seriously wrong and she’ll only get worse and suffer and all he’ll be able to do is sit back and watch it all happen.  It’s his own personal hell; knowing that he’d never survive (mentally at least) if he lost her; regardless of how it happens. That he’d go back to the booze and the meds and be even worse than he was before. And in the end he’d lose his kids. His last remaining tie to her.

She wakes momentarily when he sits down next to her. Looking dazed and disoriented -almost confused- but saying nothing as she slides closer to him; placing her head in his lap with her face pressed into his stomach. Easily falling back asleep when he strokes her hair and lays a palm on the top of her head and repeatedly brushes his thumb across his brow. It reminds him of the the early days of her pregnancy with Declan. He’d been the third but the worst of them all; constant all day sickness, migraines, and crippling fatigue that made it impossible to get out of bed some days.  She’d sleep wherever and whenever she could and he’d try to provide some sort of comfort. Secretly enjoying how vulnerable and needy she was; the way she was almost completely dependent on him instead of being so goddamn stubborn and furiously self reliant. He’d found he liked taking care of her; it selfishly made him feel useful and needed outside of just kicking in the sperm that helped make all the babies.

Of course it can’t be THAT.  It’s far too soon after Addie’s arrival. And even if it wasn’t, his own doctor had said the procedure had been successful and that there’d be more babies unless he chose to reverse things. And so far they haven’t made a firm decision on whether there will be a sixth.

With both Addie and Declan napping, the house is quiet; nothing but Mac’s soft snoring as he sleeps on the threshold between the kitchen and living area, and the sound of the waves as they roll up onto the shore. With an hour and a   half before the return of the three oldest, he takes advantage of the down time; relaxed by the warmth that radiates off of Esme’s body and the soft tickle of her breath against his stomach. He’s on the brink of sleep -that moment when your limbs feel weightless and all your senses seem muted- when he’s jarred awake by the sound of tapping against the glass of the patio door.  And his eyes immediately snap open; a frown already on his face when he glances over.

Kyle’s hand is paused in mid air; just getting ready to rap his knuckles against the window again. And he gives a slightly sheepish and apologetic smile and then gestures for his brother in law to join him outside.

Sighing heavily, he groans as he stands; mentally cursing the stiffness in his back and knee and the pain that comes with just trying to get off the couch.

“Tyler?” Her voice is groggy. Confused. And there’s even a hint of fear in it that he tries to ignore.

“It’s okay.” he assures her,  and her eyes never open as he cradles her face in one hand and grabs a throw pillow with the other; placing it where his lap had been and then gently lowering her head onto it. “Just go back to sleep.”

“Where are you going? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine. I’m just going outside for a few minutes. I’ll be right back,”

 He runs a hand over her hair; presses a kiss to her temple and then tucks the comforter securely around her.  Looking over his shoulder as he heads for the patio door, watching as she attempts to burrow as deep into the couch as she can and pulls the hood of the sweater completely over her eyes.

“What do you want?” Tyler asks, as he steps outside, shutting both the screen and the glass door behind him.

“What’s going on? Things okay?” Kyle nods towards his sister’s sleeping form. “She alright?”

“What are you doing here? Thought you were too busy dicking down the neighbour to bother with us?”

“What’s wrong with her?” Kyle ignores the cheap shot.  “She doesn’t look so good. Another one of those panic attacks or whatever?”

“She’s just tired. What do you want?”

“She told me. About everything. Salena...Allison.  She told me about who she is and why she’s really here and what’s going on. About Ovi’s dad and all the threats and…”

“And you’re still banging her? You don’t find it a little weird she’s been lying to you this whole time?”

“My sister was lying to me and our entire family for years before we found out who you really are and what you really did for a living.”

“That’s hardly the same thing. You’re okay with all of this? You’re still going to fuck her or whatever the hell you’ve got going on over there?”

“We’re going to work through it. It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker.”

Tyler smirks. “The head must be epic to put up with that kind of shit.”

“Is it true that you’re starting up your own business? That you’re looking for people? Mercenaries?”

“Maybe. Why?”

“I want in. People are threatening my family. My kid sister. My nieces and nephews. I don’t want to just sit back and watch this shit go down. I want whoever is doing this to pay. I want to make them suffer and humiliate them and torture them and…”

“This isn’t your standard schoolyard bully,” Tyler interjects. “This isn’t about calling some guy out to right and meeting him in the parking lot. This is serious. Hard core shit. And these are dangerous people. Dangerous and powerful.”

“You think I can’t handle it?”

“I think you need to just stay  out of it and let the people who’ve dealt with this kind of thing before handle it. There’s no need for you to get caught up in this.”

“My family is the one that’s being threatened. That’s in danger. I'm just just sitting back and letting someone hurt them. I don’t care how powerful and dangerous they are.”

“The best thing you could do is go home. Go back to Colorado. Get away from all of this. Back to your normal life and your normal job. You do not want to get involved in this. In the job. In this life.”

“But it’s okay for my sister to be involved in it?” Kyle argues.

“Okay, first off, keep your fucking voice down. She doesn’t need to wake up and hear this. She’s got enough going on and she doesn’t need to hear this. So either tone it down or fuck off. Those are the only two options.”

“You dragged her into this!” Kyle’s voice is a harsh whisper. “You could have walked away seven years ago. You could have thought about her for once instead of only thinking about yourself. It was fucking selfish; letting her get involved in this. Involved with you.”

“We are not having this conversation. I didn’t force your sister to stay here after Dhaka. I didn’t hold a gun to her head. I didn’t guilt her into stating. She chose to stick around. All on her own.”

“You could have stopped being a selfish price and told her to go. That you didn’t want to be with her. That there was nothing between the two of you worth holding onto.  You could have said something...anything...to convince her to leave. All you cared about was what was best for you. What you wanted. You didn’t give a shit about her; what kind of life she’d have with you.”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You don’t know anything about what down between your sister and I. She chose this life. And she’s had plenty of chances to leave.  Every time I fucked up, she took me back. She could have walked away and she didn’t. So you need to back the fuck off. I’m not telling you more than once.”

“You really think she would have walked? When there’s kids involved?”

“You think that’s why she sticks around? For the kids? If things got real bad, she’d leave. And she’d take them with her and she’d raise them on her own and she’d do a damn fucking good job doing it. Stop treating her like a child. Stop looking at her like she’s weak and pathetic. Because she’s anything but.”

“She’s my sister!”

“She’s my wife!” Tyler snarls.  “I don’t give a shit that she’s your sister. You know nothing about who she really is.”

“You did this. This craziness. You got her and the kids mixed up in this life. Now there’s people out there threatening them. Who want to hurt them. Who want to KILL them. All because of who you and what you do. And you think that’s okay?”

“I think it’s fucked up. You think I want this? You think I want targets on their backs? This is the last thing I wanted. But I’m taking care of it and I don’t need your help. Go home, Kyle. Go back to Colorado and your normal life. Be thankful you’ve got that life. Just go home. That’s the best thing you could do for all of us.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not going back there.”

“Well you’re not staying here. So unless you’re going to play house with the neighbour…”

“I want in. On your business.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“You don’t think I can handle it? Being a mercenary?”

“I think you need to go home and go back to being a firefighter and forget all about what I’m doing down here. I’ve got people. I don’t need you. And even if I did. I’d say the same thing.  I’m not bringing you into this. If something happened to you, Esme would never forgive me. So go home and go on with your life.”

“I’m staying here,” Kyle remains adamant. “In Australia. Whether you like it or not. And I’m going to get involved in all of this. I’m going to help find the people that are threatening my sister and my nieces and nephews. And you know what? You can’t fucking stop me?”

“You want to watch me?” Tyler challenges. “Because I CAN stop you. And I will. I am asking you...no…I’m telling you...to stay out of this. You have no idea what you’d be getting yourself into it. And I bet your girlfriend or booty call or whatever the hell she is, would tell you the same thing. I’m trying to fucking protect you! I don’t want you involved in this. Not because I don’t think you can handle it, because I don’t want you getting into this kind of life. So stay out of it and let the people who know what they’re doing handle things.”

“Like you handled things in Dhaka?”

Tyler’s eyes narrow; fists twitching and clenching as he inhales deeply and exhales slowly. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Things didn’t go so well, did they. Even with all your experience.”

“Dhaka went to shit because I got royally fucked by Ovi’s old man. Because instead of paying me, he sent someone to kill me and get the kid back. I did everything right. Everything went according to plan and…”

“Was fucking my sister part of the plan?”

“We’re not talking about this. What went down between me and Esme is none of your business. Maybe you think you’re an expert on it or that you know everything there is to know because your fuck buddy let you read a file on it. But you know shit. You weren’t there.”

“I know you trusted some douche bag friend of yours and he was going to hand my sister over to a drug dealer. For money.”

“And that douche bag paid the price. And he was never going to hand her over.  I wasn’t going to let that happen. Keep your mouth shut about Dhaka. You weren’t there. I was. Your sister was.”

“She shouldn’t have been.”

“Take that up with Nik. That has nothing to do with me. Things went to shit there. Big time. But I did everything I had to get your sister out of there. I would give my life up for her. I nearly did. So don’t stand here and tell me Dhaka was my fault when I did everything I could go straighten that goddamn mess out.”

“And even after that you still wouldn’t send her away. Even after everything she saw and everything she had to do, you were still a selfish fuck and kept her around. It was never about what was best for her. It’s always been about what’s best for you.”

“You know what, just shut the fuck up. I’ve heard enough. You come here to my house and you get up on that fucking pedestal of yours and you spout all your self righteous bullshit and you think I’m just going to stand around and take. Fuck you, Kyle. You were going to marry a woman that tried to ruin your sister’s life and you think you’re somehow morally superior? That was a bitch move and you let Esme know loud and clear that everything Nik put her through meant shit. And you have the nerve to call me selfish? You stabbed your own sister in the back for a piece of ass.”

“That’s not how it went down. That’s not…”

“You got mixed  up with a woman that tried to tear your sister’s life apart. And that broke her heart. It hurt her. My wife. You did that. Not me. I’m just the one that was here to fix your shit and make her happy and help her get over it.”

“When is it going to be enough?” Kyle asks. “When will she have given you enough of herself? When she’s hurt? When she’s dead? Will that be enough for you, Tyler? When she dies because of who you are and what you do?”

“Go home, Kyle. Get the next flight out of here and just go home. You don’t need to be here. I’ve got bigger and better than you working on this. Go home and rescue a cat out of a fucking tree or something.”

Kyle snorts. “You’re a real fucking prick, you know that?”

“Maybe I am, But everything I do, every decision I make, is always what’s best for your sister and my kid. That’s all that matters to me. And I would die for them. In a heartbeat. So don’t you ever accuse me or not putting what’s best for them first.”

“I’ll hunt you down you know,” Kyle threatens, as Tyler heads for the door. “If something happens to her or those kids, I’ll hunt you down and kill you.”

“It’ll be too late,” Tyler says. “‘Cause if anything happens to them, I’ll put a gun in my mouth. And then I’ll pull the trigger.”

****

“Why isn’t mommy coming with us?” Millie asks from her seat in the back of the SUV.

He’d been waiting for them when the school bus arrived; buckling them in as opposed to ushering them into the house; giving their mother a chance to sleep off whatever has her down and out. She’d stayed awake for all of half an hour after Kyle had left; long enough to have a tea and something small to eat before going back to sleep, this time upstairs in their bed.

“Is she sick?” Tanner inquires; and through the rear view mirror Tyler can the concern and panic written all over the five year old’s face. Their bond has become tighter since his return from New Zealand, but no one compares to mommy in Tanner’s eyes. She’s the centre of the universe as far as he’s concerned.  Looking at her with a love and adoration that can’t be matched by anyone.

“She’s just tired,” Tyler assures him. “She needs some sleep. Her body’s still getting back to normal after having Addie. So we’re going to let her rest. In a nice, quiet house without you guys bothering her.”

“Maybe she just needs cuddles,” TJ suggests. “Cuddles with mommy always make me feel better.”

“Well maybe when we get back, you can cuddle with her. But right now, we’re going to let her sleep.”

The worry lingers. The nagging voice in his ear that says this isn’t just stress and the lingering effects of postpartum depression. She’s battled that particular demon after every baby she’s brought into the world. Successfully. But  it has never been THIS intense and all consuming.   And he’s thankful that the kids seem satisfied with his half assed explanation; relieved he won’t be hounded with all kinds of questions he won’t have answers for.

“You okay?” Ovi asks from the passenger seat. He’d offered to tag along on their excursion; a hastily planned road trip along a small section of the coast, time at whatever beach caught their eye, dinner in whatever small town they finished up in.  

Tyler had been hesitant at first; not liking the idea of leaving her alone for that amount of time. And when he’d called up Allison and asked if she’d come over and ‘keep an eye on things’, she’d been more than willing to help out. It made him feel better. Somewhat, His trust level is still low; it’s hard to get over that kind of betrayal whether it was done in your best interest or not.  But she’s experienced; her business world renowned and her reputation solid.

“Just a little on edge.”

“About what’s going on with my father? Mumbai?”

“Can we not talk about that? Little ears. We’re trying not to talk about it around them. Keep things as normal as possible. Whatever the hell normal is.”

Ovi nods in understanding. “Is Saju’s brother still coming?”

“What did I just say? About not talking about this?”

“They’re not even listening. They’ve all got their headphones and they’re planning on their tablets. Besides, I didn’t say anything about my father or Mumbai.”

“Tomorrow. He gets here tomorrow. Flight arrives at ten in the morning.”

“And he’s coming to the house?”

Tyler nods.

“I want to be there. I want to meet him. I never got the chance to meet any of Saju’s family. I’d only seen Neysa and Aarav in pictures. He was very private like that. Saju. He always kept this business life and his private life separate.”

“Smart man.”

“Your business life because your personal life,”

“Yeah, it did. And I don’t regret it. No matter who thinks I should.”

Ovi arches a quizzical brow.

“Just Kyle. He came over and brought up some shit that didn’t need to be brought up. Esme’s entire family has it in their heads that I somehow forced her to stay here after Dhaka. That I should have just told her to fuck off and sent her away. Instead I held a gun to her head or brainwashed her into sticking around. And then there’s Nik,” he sighs. “She’s always had an issue with it. Esme and I being together. Especially how things started.”

“Because you guys were...you know...when you were supposed to be working?”

“Pretty much.” He removes the sunglasses that hang off the neck of his t-shirt and slip them onto his face. “I’m the first to admit that it was totally the wrong place and the wrong time. It shouldn’t have happened. One of us should have been strong enough to put a stop to things. But it DID happen. And it kept happening.  Seven years later and she’s still pissed about it.”

“But there’s more to it than that,”, Ovi says. “I mean, I guess she was pretty hurt about the fact you didn’t want to be with her that way.”

“Nik and I both went into things knowing where each of us stood. I didn’t want what she wanted. And she was okay with that. Until she wasn’t.”

“Until someone else came along you did want that with.”

“She just went psycho. Once I got back into the job the first time, she wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone. Texting me all the time, calling me, emailing me. Showing up whatever hotel I was staying at. IT was fucked. It was like no matter how many times I said no, she took it as meaning she just needed to try harder. Six years of that shit I put up with. WE put up with. Every chance to fuck things up for us, she took it.”

Ovi smirks. “Pretty determined.”

“Or crazy. I don’t know which.”

“Maybe she was just really lonely,” Ovi says. “It’s not like she’d ever admit that. That’s not Nik. Maybe she was tired of being alone so she tried to hold onto someone familiar.”

“You don’t hold on to a married man. Especially one with kids. Find someone available. That wants you that way. Don’t try and break up someone’s home. That's pretty low.”

Ovi nods in agreement. “Can I ask you something?”

“This isn’t a repeat of seven years ago, is it? You’re not going to ask me some bullshit about being brave and rescuing people are you?”

“You ARE brave. Whether you want to admit it or not.”

Tyler scoffs. “What do you want to know?”

“I don’t want you to get upset.”

“Why would I get upset? How bad is whatever you’re going to ask?”

“It’s...personal.”

“How personal?”

“Personal enough you might get upset.”

“You know what…” Tyler chuckles. “...just ask. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“You could punch me in the face.”

“If I promise not to, will you ask?”

Ovi nods.

“I promise I won’t punch you in the face. What is it?”

“Is it true that you and Nik had a thing?”

“I just told you we did. “It was strictly sex. That’s it. When I had an itch, she’d come over and scratch it.”

“I mean AFTER you and Esme got together. After you got married.”

Tyler scowls. “What?”

“It’s what I was told.”

“That I had a thing with Nik after I got married? Who the hell told you that?”

“Chloe. Nik told her that you and her were hooking up. On the regular. After you went back to the job the first time. That she’d meet up with you in whatever city you were in.”

“That never fucking happened. Ever.”

“And that things were especially...intense...during the six month you and Esme were apart. That you even told Nik you’d get a divorce and be with her.”

“Are you serious right now?” He can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. “She said all that?”

“And that things only stopped when Esme was having problems when she was pregnant with Addie. That you ended things because you didn’t want anything happening to the baby and you felt obligated to stay in your marriage. For your kids.”

“Nik actually said that? That I was cheating on my wife with her?”

Ovi nods.”I told Chloe that it wasn’t true. That you’d never do something like that. That I’d been living with you guys for a long time and I would have noticed something was up. You guys have never had THOSE kind of problem.s I mean, you always fought a lot, but I never got the impression you were messing around,”

“Because I wasn’t. Not with Nik. Not with anyone. I would never...ever...do anything like that. Why would I want to? Why would I want to mess around on the best thing that’s ever happened to me? Someone who saved my fucking life. Why the hell would I do something like that?”

 It makes him feel sick to even think about it; that someone would even accuse him of that, never mind think he’s the kind of guy that would do it.  And it makes that rage to start to simmer; that low, slow boil that just takes one wrong move to send it spiralling out of control.

“I didn’t say I believed it,” Ovi says. “I just…”

“I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a cheater. I may not always be the best man for her, but I’m a faithful one. And the fact Nil would say something like that….”

“I knew it wasn’t true,” Ovi insists. “”I knew you’d never do something like that.”

“You must have thought I would or you wouldn’t have asked ‘is it true…?.  No. It’s not fucking true.”

“Daddy!” Millie scolds from the last row of seats. “Language, remember? Little ears in the car.”

He scowls at her through the rear view mirror. “I thought you had your headphones on?”

“My ears got sweaty so I took them off.”

“Well do me a favour and put them back on, because there’s going to be a whole lot of adult language I don’t want you to hear.”

“I already know you swear, daddy.  You’re the one who taught me all the best swears!”

“Amelia..”

“But my ears are still sweaty!”

“You’ll live.”

“Fine,” she dramatically huffs, and slips the headphone back on; arms crossed over her chest, and a scowl on her face. The exact same expression he’s seen in the mirror many times.

“You actually believed something like that?” He addresses Ovi. “What Nik said?”

“I didn’t say that. I…”

“Your exact words were ‘is it true’. Meaning you thought it was. You actually thought I would do something like that?”

“Well you guys fought a lot and…”

“And because we fought at lot that automatically meant I was fucking around on my wife?”

“Not necessarily. But…”

“There’s no but. Not a single fucking but.. I have never cheated on my wife. Not with Nik. Not with anyone. Yeah, we used to fight. A lot. And they were nasty, ugly fights and we said a lot of mean and hurtful shit to each other.  Sometimes we still fight; not nearly as bad but it still happens. But we always work on shit and. We even go to a goddamn therapist.”

“This is what I mean about you getting upset.”

“Do you blame me? You just admitted that you think I’m the type that would screw around on my wife.”

“I didn’t mean it that way. …”

“I have never and I will never, do that. You can call me an alcoholic, you can call me a drug addict. I don’t give a shit. But don’t ever call me a cheater. I haven’t fucked around on her and I don’t WANT to fuck around on her. She's the love of my life. The ONLY love of my life, actually. And I’d die for her. I almost did. And I barely knew her then. Don’t ever question my loyalty to her. Or I’ll beat your ass into the middle of next week,

“I honestly never thought you did,” Ovi insists. “The way I said it? That’s  not how  I meant it. I swear.”

“You’ve been saying and doing a lot of dumb shit lately.”

Ovi sighs. “I know.”

“What the fuck, mate? What’s going on with you? You don't tell me about your old man contacting you, you don’t tell me about wanting to get into the job until it wasn’t almost too late, now you’re bringing up this shit with Nik. What the hell?”

“It won’t make any sense. No matter how I try to explain it to you.”

“Look I know I’m not the smartest guy on earth, but I’m not THAT stupid.”

“It doesn’t even make sense to me! How is it going to make sense to you?”

“Try me. I might surprise you. I’m brain damaged. Not brain dead. I do have my intelligent moments.”

Ovi sighs. “I feel I’m just here. That I’m just existing, This isn’t where I thought I’d be with my life. I thought I’d be in school. Getting an education. Doing something with my life. And I feel like I’m just stuck.  Like I’m just HERE. But nowhere at the same time.”

Tyler nods slowly, letting the words...and the meaning behind them...sink in. “Well where do you want to be?” he asks.

“Here. With all of you. It’s the only place I want to be. With my family.”

“But…”

“But I want to be a different me. Which is why I want to get into the job. I want to prove to myself that I can do it.  That I can be strong and brave and…”

“Kid, you ARE strong and brave. You don’t need the job to make you that way. You think just anyone could have survived what you went through? Not just Dhaka but everything afterwards? You were a kid. A kid who had to do and see shit no kid should ever have to.   And you still turned out good. Damn good.”

“Because of you. And Esme. If you guys hadn’t gotten me out of Mumbai, where would I be now? I’d be running things for my father. Or I’d be dead. And I owe you guys for that. I owe you so much.”

“You don’t owe us anything. We took you because we wanted to. Not because we felt we had to. We wanted you to have a normal life. A family. We tried to give you that. I don’t know how well we did with it, but…”

“You’re not my father, but you are my dad. And Esme didn’t give birth to me, but she’s still my mom. And those are my brothers and sisters. We don’t have to be wrapped in the same color paper to be family.”

No…” Tyler says, a slow smile spreading across his face. “...we don’t.”

“I just want you to give me a chance. With the job. I’m trying to find myself. Find out what I’m to do and who I’m meant to be. How can I do that if you won’t let me?”

“I want more for you than that. You deserve more than that. You’re WORTH more than that.”

“And you’re  not? My life is of no more worth than yours is.”

“My life before all of this? Before Esme, before my kids, before Dhaka? It was shit. Pure and utter shit. But the last six and a half years of my life have been amazing. Even with the PTSD and all the crap that comes with it. I’ve got a great life. I’ve got a wife and I’ve got kids and if I go to Mumbai and I die there, at least I know I did something good with what was left of my life. But you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you. Why take the chance of cutting them short by getting into the job?”

“You said you’d take me on. You said you…”

“And I am. I am taking you on; giving you a chance. But I don’t think you really know what you’re getting into. What don’t you want more for yourself? Go back to school. Get your education. A real job. A career. Don’t settle for this shit. Because once you get into you, you can’t get back out. It stays with you, It lives in you. It never lets you rest. Trust me, I know. I can’t get out. No matter how fucking hard I try. Is that really what you want for your life?”

“I just want the chance. To find out if it’s for me.”

Tyler sighs. “You’re a stubborn little bastard, you know that?”

“Yeah?” Ovi grins. “I DO know that. I get it from my dad.”

***

She’s awake when he steps into their room; freshly showered with her damp hair wrapped up in a towel, clad in another one of his t-shirts and a pair of plaid pajama bottoms. She’s sitting up in bed; pillows stacked behind her and supporting her back; knees against her chest and both arms wrapped around them, attention focused on the television across the room. She looks better; the color has returned to her cheeks and her eyes don’t seem so dull and lifeless. And she glances over at him and smiles; genuine and warm, neither strained or forced.  It’s enough; that one smile  relieving a little bit of the worry he’d been carrying around since early in the afternoon.

“Hey.” she greets, and turns her face up towards him when he leans down to kiss her. “I thought maybe you’d run away.”

“Never,” Tyler says, and offers her a take out container of food he’d brought home with him. “Someone told me you never went downstairs the entire time I was gone, so I know you haven’t eaten anything since this afternoon.”

Esme frowns. “I can’t believe she ratted me.”

“Weren’t you just on my ass this afternoon about eating? Something about not being able to run on an empty tank?”

“Touche. And I can’t believe you actually trusted her enough to leave me alone with her. That’s not like you.”

“We’re both on the same team. I figure things will just be easier if I try to get along with other people.”

“Baby…” she reaches out and pats his stomach. “...I’m proud of you. That’s huge progress for you, You haven’t been drinking have you?”

“No smart ass. I haven’t. Just trying to make the best of a shitty situation.”

“It is pretty shitty.” she agrees, and then stretches her legs out and sets the container of food on her thighs, a wide grin spreading across her face and her eyes sparkling when she opens the lid. “...oh my God. You really DO love me. Tacos? You’re a good shit. You can stay. I’ll keep you.”

“I’ll have to let my other wives know I've decided to settle down here.”

“You mean your side hoes?” she teases. “ What is it up to now? Ten?”

“Even dozen.”

“No wonder you work out so hard in the gym. That’s a lot of bitches to satisfy.”

“I fake it with them. I only put actual effort into you.”

“I knew it. I AM your favourite.”

“Always have been. Always will be. Sorry. You’re stuck with me.”

“I think I can suffer through maybe forty, fifty years with you. It’s awful quiet. You already put the kids to bed?”

“All five of them. Ovi helped. He’s been kissing ass today.”

“He sort of needs to,” she says, and bites into one of the tacos. “He’s done a lot of stupid shit lately.”

“He’s going through some stuff,” Tyler says, his shoulder cracking and popping at the simple act of pulling off his t-shirt. Pain travelling all the way down to the tips of his fingers; the accompanying pins and needles making it difficult to tend to his belt and the button and zip on his jeans.

“What kind of stuff?”

He shrugs. “Guy stuff.”

“That can only mean one thing. It’s about a girl. More specifically, about Chloe.”

“He’s pretty torn up about her leaving. I think we might have underestimated how he felt about her.”

“He’s young,” Esme reasons. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea. He’ll meet someone else.”

“She fucked him over pretty good. Used him as a free ticket here, took what she could, screwed around on him.”

She looks up, pausing mid chew. “She what? He told you she was messing around?”

“He doesn’t have any proof. Just a feeling he has.”

“That bitch,” she scoffs. “I told you she was a knuckle dragging thunder cunt. He was definitely more into her than she was into him. I’m glad he didn’t cave and buy a ring and all of that. What disaster THAT would have been. Imagine if he’d gotten her pregnant?”

“I don’t even want to think about that. I do not want to be a grandpa any time soon. Let’s hope he holds for another...I don’t know...ten...fifteen years…”

“Millie could be having kids in fifteen years.”

“You wanna sleep on the couch? That’s the kind of talk that finds you sleeping on the couch.”

“Whether you like it or not, your daughter is going to get married one day. She’s going to have a family. She’s going to meet a really nice guy that reminds her of you and she’s going to fall madly in love with him and they’re going to get married and have babies and...”

“I brought you tacos and this is how you repay me? Talking like this? I do not want to hear this.”

“I’m just saying. In fifteen years, our daughter could be having her own kids. It’s not impractical to think that way, You’re just bent out of shape over the fact that you won’t be number one in her life anymore.”

“I’ll still have Addie.”

She shakes her head. “Nope. You promised me I could have Addie.”

“I lied.”

“Well fuck you too then, Tyler. You want me to play dirty.?”

He grins as he peels back the blankets and slides into bed next to her. “I love when you play dirty.”

“You want to steal both girls for yourself? I’ll take all three boys for MYSELF, You won’t have a single one left on your team when I’m done with them. They’re going to be all about mommy and you’ll be so pissed. I’ll even turn your name sake into the biggest momma’s boy EVER. Just you watch. I have powers that you don’t fully understand.”

“TJ will never crack,” he says, as he stretches out his legs and leans back against the headboard.  “You’re not THAT powerful.”

“I’ve kept you around and  in line and for seven years.”

“Because you use sexual favours to brainwash me into staying.”

“Yep. That’s definitely it. My head game is THAT strong.”

He chuckles. “Actually, it is. And what kind of dog shit is this?” he nods in the direction of the tv.

“Some reality show about marrying someone before you actually get to see what they look like.”

“That sounds...fucked.”

“Just a bit. But who knows? Maybe love truly IS blind. Maybe you can fall in love with someone sight unseen.”

“That sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me.”

“Such a romantic,” she chides, and then moves closer to him when he drapes an arm across her shoulders. “When you  said you were going out, I didn’t think you were leaving the country. You didn’t have to stay out THAT long?”

“You needed a break so I gave you a break. Kids were fine. I told them that you were tired and you weren’t feeling well and that they’d see you tomorrow. No big deal.”

“Kind of a shitty mother than needs THAT long of a break.”

“Every mother needs a break. We have five kids. All under six. You’re a fucking legend. Going this long WITHOUT a break?”

“Well I’m lucky that I picked the right guy to have babies with.  Because you’re not one to shy away from getting your hands dirty. And all five at once? And you say you’re not brave. That’s as brave as any man can get.”

He grins at that, then tugs the towel of her hair and runs his fingers through her damp tresses. “You okay? You feel better?”

She nods. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Being you. The way you are with me. The way you love me like you do. You’re one of the good days.”

“Sometimes,” he admits.

“All the time. Even on your worst days you’re not THAT bad. I’ve lived with bad. Very bad. You don’t even come close to that. I’m one of the lucky ones. Some women never get away from that. From that type. Makes me feel shitty that I’ve taken for granted when there’s guys like Mark..and worse...out there.”

“You know what? I think we’re both guilty of taking things for granted.  I know I am. I’m not always the best husband. I know I’ve put you through a lot of crap. That I’ve made shitty fucking decisions and broke every goddamn promise I’d ever made.”

“Tyler, you’re not perfect. Neither am I. But you’re perfect for me.  And that’s all that matters. I mean I was a whiny little bitch baby all day and you still brought me tacos. My one true comfort food. You don’t have to remember stupid little things like that, but you do. You’ve come a long way in seven years. I still remember you trying to choke me out in Dhaka.”

“I was NOT trying to choke you out.”

“You had your hand around my throat.”

“I was pissed off. I reacted. Badly.”

“I should have kneed you in the balls.”

.“You would have had to stand on a step stool.”

“You and your short jokes,” she dramatically huffs. “And okay, maybe you weren’t intentionally trying to choke me out. But your first instinct when you were raging was to grab me by the throat.  That was kind of…”

“Fucked?”

“No we did that AFTER you tried to choke me out.”

He smirks.

“It was weird. Because you’re so big and you’re so strong and I knew you could have easily snapped my neck if you’d wanted to. But I wasn’t even thinking about that. I wasn’t even scared.  You were mad but I could see it in your eyes; you didn’t WANT to hurt me.  You just snapped and reacted and…”

“It was an asshole thing to do. I never should have done it.”

“It did turn into the sexy kind of choking, though,” she reminds him.

“That’s not the point. The fact I even did that...grabbed you like that...it makes me sick when I think about it. I hate that I did that. Even seven years later, it still bothers me. I never meant to do it.”

“I know. You’ve apologized a million times. And that’s exactly what I was saying; you’ve come a long way since then. You’re calmer and you laugh more and you smile all the time.”

“I didn’t have much to smile about back then. Now I have six very good reasons to smile. I’ve got you, I’ve got my kids. Life’s pretty good.”

“Even when all this other stuff?”

“The other stuff will get worked out. I’ll get shit taken care of and it’ll all be over and we can get on with things.  We won’t have to worry about Mahajan ever again. Trust me.”

“For every Mahajan and Asif that dies, five more crop up.”

“And if I have to, I’ll take care of them too. Can we not talk about this? Because talking about this and dealing with this is what freaked you out today. And I’d rather you NOT freak out. Just let me handle it, okay?”

She nods.

“And you weren’t a little bitch baby. There’s a lot going on. And none of it is good. You’re stressed and you’ve got your own depression and PTSD and all that crap to deal with. And five kids to take care of. Including a pretty new one. I’m honestly surprised it took this long for you to have a mental breakdown.”

“Are you kidding?” she laughs. “I think I’ve had about five in the last week alone. All I can do is worry. About you. About Ovi. About you.”

“You said me twice.”

“Well I worry twice about you. Just the thought of you going to Mumbai and somehow ending up in Dhaka…”

“There is no logical reason for me to end up in Dhaka. None whatsoever. Just get that out of your head. Or at least try to. Can we talk about something else? I don’t want to talk about this.”

“What should we talk about?”

“I dunno. What do you want to talk about?”

“I don’t want to talk at all. I want to do other things.”

“What kind of other things?”

“Remember when I asked  ‘you know what would make me feel better?’ and your first reaction was…”

“Oh,” he grins. “THOSE kinds of things.”

“I figure I don’t know how long you’re going to be gone for, so we better get as much of ‘those kinds of things’ in before you leave.”

“What if we do as much as ‘those kinds of things’ as we can,  but I never end up going anywhere?”

“It’s a small price to pay. I’ll gladly suffer through multiple orgasms and you end up not going anywhere. I won’t complain about it. I promise.”

“I don’t ever want to hear you say I never do anything nice for you,” Tyler chides, as he tosses the covers back and then kneels at her feet. “One or two orgasms for a couple of tacos? That seems a little steep.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” she promises, giggling when he grabs her by the hips, pulls her down the bed, and she lands flats on her back. “In the best way I know how.”

His hands make short work of her pajama bottoms; quickly sliding them down her legs and dropping them at the end of bed. “You’re going to let me sleep in past the school bus tomorrow?”

“Okay, in the second best way I know how.”

“I guess that’ll have to do,” he grins, palms pushing her legs apart, mouth blazing a trail of warm, moist kisses along the insides of her thighs.

“You’ve never complained before,” she says. “In fact, you…” her voice trails off, replaced by a long, content sigh as his tongue pushes its way past her folds and makes its first sweep over her clit. Suddenly nothing else matters; just the feel of his mouth and the way his fingers move inside of her.

All thoughts of Mumbai and Dhaka are completely obliterated. At least temporarily.

[primalspice]

ORION I KNEW I WAS FORGETTING SOMEONE 💖 📙 ⭐ 🌳 💚 🌀 🍆 🌸 💗 🌺

ask and ye shall receive 

💖 Has your OC ever been in love, be it romantic or platonic or otherwise? Who with and did they ever express their feelings or keep it private? How long did these feelings persist / do they still feel this way?

She’s had plenty of flings and 2 serious relationships (punk gf from age 18-21 that she moved away from home for the first time with, artist bf from age 22-27ish who’s dominic’s dad. they moved to alabama together), but generally feels v detached from people as a whole. She’s never rlly the type to confess feelings, most of her relationships have started v casually and just evolved.

📙 What kind of subjects (of conversation, of discussion, in school or whatever) does your OC find interesting or engaging or that they can talk for hours about? What kind of stuff do they just find fun?

shes kinda stewpid but shes also kinda a philosopher. shes usually kinda quiet but she likes to talk about art and the meaning of life n shit. also enjoys talking about her travels but cant expose Too much.

⭐ What is your OC afraid of? Any crippling phobias or some such? How do they act when scared and what helps them calm down? Does anyone ever find your OC scary? Why?

Commitment LOL and getting pregnant again. She also doesnt love crowds but she’ll survive. Shes very escapist in general, doesnt really have many good ways of coping and never thought much about it since the escapism seems to work pretty well <3 as for the last part, no one rlly finds her scary. shes 5′4 and slow and unarmed..

🌳 Compare your OC to themself from 10 years ago. How has their mental state changed since then, how have they aged and grown up? Would they say they’re in a better place than they were back then or do they need help? What advice would they give their younger self? What advice would their younger self give to them now?

Glad the timeframe here is 10 years bcuz 10 years ago is the Peak of her mental breakdown. Deeply depressed and ready to commit Die despite having a bf and a 4 year old to stick around for. Staying at home to take care of baby and incredibly bored and Alone With Her Thoughts 24/7. Hard to get along with when her bf Was home. Eventually she simply Left on a bad night and never came back. She was gonna go die but changed her mind/survived.

Now, she is still Gone but feeling somewhat better now that she is not ‘restrained’. Still tries to keep on the downlow in case anyone is still bothering with looking for her whether shes dead or alive. Then her son shows up :) stupid her for returning to near where she came from. Now she has a maybe-son and some weird ginger guy to deal with. Hates it.

💚 Talk about some of the traumatic events in your OC’s life. These events can be ones that have happened to them or a loved one. These events can be minor or major.

Childbirth and pregnancy even tho it was relatively Just Fine still fucks her up. She doesnt rlly have any major traumas her brain chemicals are just fucked up. I guess that Ginger Guy might give her something to worry about tho.

🌀 Where is your OC from? Where were they born? Do they still live there, if not why did they move? If they still live in the area how has it changed since their childhood? How many places has your OC lived in and where has been their favourite?

She was born in Louisiana and lived there til she was 21 and then moved to Alabama. She’s been all throughout the state pretty much and all throughout the southern southwest usa Area.. Lives in the woods kinda and enjoys that bcuz no one bothers her LOL.

🍆 Tea or Coffee or Hot Chocolate? Sweet or Spicy? Fruits or Vegetables?

Hot chocolate, Spicy, Fruits

🌸 What does your OC’s voice sound like? Their laugh? Are they good at singing? Do they have an accent?

sounds like i want to kiss her. shes a lil Country

💗 What would your OC say is their best feature? Why? What do their friends / family / lover(s) / people they know think is their best feature and why?

Avoids mirrors and Thinks her best feature is her dazzling personality <3 best feature is actually licherally anything besides that

🌺 Does your OC have any tattoos or other body art? Does their body art have any specific meaning behind it? Do they have any scars? How did they get those scars? Any birthmarks?

I havent decided if she has tattoos so right now No. certainly has plenty of miscellaneous scars. seems like the type to have a funny shaped birthmark.

[stormlandeda]

⤷ the courts offer bread and salt to KATHERYNNE BARATHERON of HOUSE BARATHEON. many say that the TWENTY-SEVEN year old LADY of STORM’S END is known to be COMPASSIONATE and CLEVER, though ill tongues whisper that SHE is RESERVED and ANXIOUS. when her name is uttered , one is reminded of sunlight upon the sea , freshly bloomed roses & an unspeakable sadness behind closed doors. may she be blessed and protected in this war of crowns. (fc: jenna coleman)

hi friends ! i’m carlie & if you don’t know i’m the admin of warofcrowns. this here is my tiny lil baratheon baby, ( she’s 5′1 so jot that down ) katherynne.

feel free to like this post & i’ll approach you for plotting !

there are brief mentions of depression , anxiety , infidelity, emotional abuse and supposed infertility below . proceed with caution !

 born to wyllam baratheon and julienna baratheon née tarth , katherynne quickly was regarded as ‘ the  light of the stormlands’  , just because she has the kind of disposition and personality where people expect flowers to grow underfoot as she walks.

she was a relatively sickly child and was very frequently kept indoors ( which is why now as an adult she loves nature more than anything else in the world )

as she grew , she proved herself to be inherently kind , compassionate, and genuinely altruistic, the concerns of others (particularly her siblings) always come before hers. for this reason, she was relatively overlooked by her parents, despite their best intentions, because she was so mild mannered. she was not at all like a typical baratheon , bold - boisterous - & brave.

her father treated her more like a pet to be occasionally attended to than a daughter , and her mother ( self-consicous of her position as the second wife of wyllam and fully intent on proving that she and her children were significant ) was critical of every move that she made. katherynne’s beauty and ‘demure’ nature , she reasoned , would make her valuable when she reached a marriageable age 

 truly , though , katherynne was simply content to live a happy life . she was never particularly ambitious for anything other than that , something her mother resents. julienna maintains that she could have been queen if she were to only have applied herself more.

still, she grew up with the finest instruction and training. she was sneakily clever, learning the ins and outs of westerosi political games by observation. she’s more cunning than one would believe, but her intentions are honorable, so she rarely has use for those tactics (she’s completely able to spot them when they’re implemented by others)

when a young lord came to storm’s end as a warden to her father , katherynne was rather taken with him. the two became fast friends , until it blossomed into something irreplacable. there was little thought for feeling where her prospects were concerned , and a northern marriage did nothing to further the southern cause. the two were parted because of ideological and geographical differences that even love , it seemed, could not overcome.

when the time came , she was promised to the lord of house hightower with absolutely no say in the matter, and left her home to brave the reach. the transition was difficult , and not at all aided by a husband who was , at best , indifferent to her very existence and at worst , entirely opposed to her presence in his life. again , feelings of inadequacy settled in her heart. despite her most valiant efforts to be a good wife , the lord hightower never quite warmed to her. the marriage bed was for the purpose of procreation , and she slept entirely alone every night.

lord hightower had little interest in his wife or the continuation of his house. a man focused entirely on his own self-interest , he began to have affairs , painting katherynne as a cold unfeeling wife to any who would listen , entirely incapable of the duties of a ruling lady. eventually his indifference turned to resentment , and cruel words  & threats were often bandied about to put her in her place. it was not uncommon for her husband to slip her moon tea without her knowledge, to ensure that no child would come from their union ( even though the difficulty to produce a child was his own ) , nor was it uncommon for her to be locked away in her room.

life in the reach was often very solitary , very miserable experience for katherynne , and to a certain extent it hardened her heart ( or at the very least , made her more practical ).

she spent the entirety of her marriage trying to bear her husband a son and heir , but each effort was fruitless. katherynne wanted nothing more than a child , and the dream seemed to slip further and further from her grasp. eventually word began to circulate that perhaps the lady was not capable of bearing children. no one once thought to question her husband and his fertility ( which was the 100% cause ).

her husband died , leaving her childless , directionless , and with no other option than to return to storm’s end. she began to teach herself to be comfortable as the maiden aunt to the children of her siblings. she is widely seen as ‘damaged goods ‘ not simply widowed , but having no evidence that childbearing is even a possibility for her. she fully intends to live out her days at storm’s end .

RANDOM FACTS & OTHER TIDBITS

kat is a very gifted high harpist

she has a head for history and facts, and is incredibly interested in politics — she’s a clever girl and has a lot of insight ( people just never use it why?? ).

she’s stronger than she looks, and has the tendency to keep her emotions locked away until she feels comfortable enough to reveal them.the same goes for her opinions, though she’s incredibly opinionated

she has a very witty & light sense of humor, and often uses it as a coping mechanism.

she’s genuinely?? passionate about people??

sneaky temper

knows how to keep a secret.

resident mom friend.

crippling fear of failure

will dote on any child at any time.

has a dog that she also dotes on like a child — he’s her biggest confidante.

prone to overreact a bit

she’s genuinely just tired ?? of having her life controlled by other people ?? but trying to get out of that and assert control is a vicious cycle and she’s overwhelmed.

once you lose her trust, it’s incredibly difficult to regain.

soft but strong ? genuinely undaunted by most things and ready to face whatever life brings her.

althothough she’s a person who generally fills the lives of others with light, she often finds it very difficult to do the same for herself. her moods are very changeable ( though she doesn’t let it show ) and she’s very prone to feeling nervous. though there isn’t really a westerosi definition for it that doesn’t extremely overlook the validity of mental illness, katherynne suffers from depression & anxiety, and tries to find little ways to cope with her ‘moods.’

[leannes-enchanted-musings]

Frozen 2 review!

Directed by Jennifer Lee and Chris Buck

by Leanne Castle on December 28, 2019

(NOT SPOILER FREE!)

Hello and welcome to Leanne’s Disney Digest! Today I will be talking about the magical experience of going to see Frozen 2 in theaters!

It seems everyone and their mother had seen Frozen, from little children to their parents and grandparents. However, the sequel to the box office hit is not for the faint of heart. Not only is there complex themes and messages, but also tragedy and heartbreak. Among the amazingly sung songs and beautiful animation, there is a lot to unpack in this film.

First, let me start off by saying that I was wowed by this movie. Not only because I’m a die-hard Disney fan but as an artist myself, I could appreciate the animation, time, and effort that must have been put into this movie. Like the first film, it is made with CGI animation. That being said, the sequel’s animation was far more advanced and very beautiful to watch up on the big screen. The characters looked much more smooth and flowed better on screen than the first. The colors glowed, the characters came to life. The scenery was unbelievable and in one part of the movie, during the breaking of the dam, the water and trees of the enchanted forest even looked real. I 100% recommend seeing the movie just for the animation alone. The colors of Elsa’s magic were riveting and viewers were unable to look away from the screen.

ELSA

Elsa’s character transformation and writing was gorgeous in this film. In the first movie, Elsa was unsure of herself and her powers. Her crippling anxiety kept her locked in her room for years, unable to bring herself to interact with people for fear that she would be made fun of or worse- she would hurt the people she loved the most. In Frozen 2, Elsa is starting to come into her own. She’s more comfortable around people, though she still seems to be an introvert at heart. The gates are open, she is interacting with the residents of Arendelle, and she’s seen having a giant meal with her family.

Although she is more comfortable, her anxiety has not fully disappeared, staying true to how anxiety works in real life.

Elsa is afraid of change, as things are turning from Autumn to Winter and everyone is growing older. She is afraid of messing up her life that she has come so far to get because she is hearing a voice calling her into the unknown- queue this amazing song!

However anxious she is, she does what she is most afraid of and follows the call with Anna at her side. As she goes on this journey to find the voice and by default the enchanted forest, she grows more confident. As she uncovers the truth about her powers and her parents’ pasts she becomes more comfortable with herself and her surroundings, growing as a person as she faces her fears and comes into her own. By the end of the movie she is bold and fearless, a goddess as she finally finds where she belongs.

ANNA

Anna’s character had quite the transformation as well, though not in the physical way that Elsa did. Anna grew as a character too, going from the naive, enthusiastic, hopelessly romantic girl that had been by herself for way too long. After being shut out for so long and then finally getting her relationship with her sister back (and stronger than ever), it seems that Anna is afraid of change as well.

Anna has abandonment issues when it comes to her family. She doesn’t want to be shut out again, not when she has just found some healthier type of normalcy. She is so afraid of losing Elsa especially that she is always by her side for most of the sequel. Anna even admits to Kristoff at one point that she was so afraid of losing Elsa that she had to choose her sister over Kristoff. Kristoff then has an amazing line in response to her apology. He did not say “It’s okay.” because he was hurt by the decision but what he did say was much more powerful. “My love is not fragile.” Which is an amazingly brilliant way of handling the situation but that’s besides the point. Back to Anna.

The younger sister finds herself all alone at a certain part of the movie, believing Elsa to be dead. Not only does she have to cope with her sister that she was so desperate to hold on to’s death but she also has to move forward and continue with adventure by herself. Which leads to the amazingly sad and beautiful song, The Next Right Thing. In the song, she has to pick herself up from her depression and shock and grief and learn that she can function without Elsa. That she has to push past the sadness and take small baby steps toward the light at the end of the tunnel, which I found to be a profound way of handling depression in the ‘kids movie’.

Anna finding herself as her own person and being able to separate herself from being dependent on Elsa was beautiful and I’m not going to lie- I cried.

Summary

That being said, I don’t think the children in the theater really realized the meaning behind a lot of the more adult themes in this movie. It was a magnificent movie for all ages, the animation was beautiful, and the story was well written. I have no complaints about how the movie was. In short- it’s now easily one of my favorites.

[marshmallowprotection]

I lied. I had to do it tonight I'm so excited. Since you guys wanted to hear about my RFA Kids Au, I had to actually write about the children for you guys. So, I don't really have any partners for the RFA, I left that open ended mainly for the cast except for Jihyun and Saeran, obvious reasons being spoilers, but the children are my precious babies and I'm glad to share them with you all.

If you want more of them, let me know.

Su-Jin Kim

Sujin is the precious apple of his parent's eyes. He is perfect to them, and he always does what he's told to do. He is loud and he is always showing his love and affection towards others. You could often find him as a kid trying to hug the legs of anyone he could get his hands on. He's very empathetic, and seems to always feel the emotions of others just as strongly if not stringer then they do. Because of this fact, he is a very big crybaby and people often tease him for it. He tries to take it in stride but sometimes it's hard for him to cope with that. His Dad gets it, and that's why his Dad is his idol; Because he knows what Sujin is dealing with firsthand and he reassures him that he should always be himself and it will be okay in the end because of that.

Sujin is also deaf, rather, hard of hearing in both of his ears. One is better then the other but he really has no depth to most sounds. He has implants but he heavily relies on KSL(Korean Sign Lanaguge) to communicate with people. This barrier is what makes it hard for him to connect with others at times. Sujin does struggle to make friends of his own, but he is close to the other RFA kids because they're often around each other and interacting. He's a positive boy and does his best to be kind. He's friends with all of the other RFA kids because he's just that sweet.

Ha-Yun Ryu

Hayun is a very sweet girl, and she's always had this air about her that makes other people want to be her friend or be close to her in some way, shape, or form. She's always looking out for others and a lot of people feel like they can come to her when they need someone to speak with. Zen's daughter is a princess and she's always been spoiled rotten by her parents. That doesn't mean she's a bad egg! She's actually very polite and always minding her manners with people, and like her Father, she has a way of dazzling people with her outward beauty since she heavily took after him rather then her other parent with her red eyes and white hair. She's got a good head on her shoulders as she aspires to be a famous Idol, and fashion icon. She's very bubbly and always smiling, she's kind of oblivious but in that way that makes her a pure blessing on this planet that you want to protect. Is it because Hyun has tried to shelter her? Probably, but God, she's an angel on this Earth.

She's very active on her social media and has a very positive presence with the public! Just don't you dare think about trying to flirt with Hayun because her Dad is always warning her about the dangerous of men out there! He would do anything for his daughter, and I feel had personally for the boy that ever makes Hayun cry. Speaking of boys and loving them, Hayun has a big crush on Jun, and she has since they were children but she thinks that he doesn't like her more then a friend.

Ji-Yeong Kang

Jiyeong was adopted and she cannot remember a time in her life without Jaehee and her other parent as they've been with her since she was a very young girl. They've always been there. She loves them and they love her so much; She wouldn't have her family any other way at all. She's an outgoing girl who is always trying to study and reach the next peak on her journey without bothering others along the way. She's polite and very straightforward, a trait she picked up very quickly from her Mom and it just stuck to her like glue as she got older; However, she is quick to upset, her exterior may look tough but it doesn't take much for her to be on the verge of tears.

Unfortunately, her hot temper can land her in some bad places sometimes and she is always scolded when she gets into trouble but rewarded for having such a strong moral compass. She is a dedicated friend, and kind tend to be the Mom of her friend group just because she wants to make sure that nobody gets hurt.unless they deserve it. She's close friends with the Choi Girls, mainly Minsu, causing some kind of havoc.

Jun Han

Jun is so much like his Father that it might strike you with whiplash. He looks like his Dad, but his eyes are his other parent's eyes. He's intelligent, and got this brand of humor that could only come out of the Han household. He's very soft spoken, and he often doesn't express it when he's upset or depressed. He just grows quiet and balls it up inside when he knows he shouldn't. He struggles with his Dad being so busy all the time, but he makes up for it as best he can by hanging out with his friends or petting Elizabeth. He's very good friends with not only Jihyun's daughter, Lucy, but Yoosung's son, Sujin, as well.

Jun is his chosen name, and its the name that he's gone by since he was young. He will not respond to any other name that you call, as he refuses the feminine name that was attached to him at birth. You see, Jun is Trans, and he's always known that he was a boy, even if he didn't have the words to express it. For a long time in his youth, he was angry and often threw tantrums when he would have to wear dresses and hang around others. His parents knew that their baby needed help for his problems, and they realized very quickly that Jun was well, Jun, and the rest is history. There was a small struggle with Jumin as he can to grips with what it meant for Jun to be Trans, but, he and his partner are more then supportive of their son and they would do anything for him to ensure his happiness.

Min-Ji & Min-Su Choi

Minji is the older twin by five minutes, and Minsu is the younger twin. They both are the spitting image of their Dad, with the red hair just as vibrant now as it was the day they were born. The small difference between them is that Minji was born with heterochromia, having one golden eye and one brown eye, instead of both golden. They are polar opposites" much like their Dad and Uncle are. It's a kind of cute dynamic when it comes down to it. These two are the world to Saeyoung and he is happy to say that they are great kids. Minji is shy, and she often doesn't know how to cope with people. She often struggles with crippling social anxiety and Minsu is always there for her sister, she took the big step when they were young and held her sister's hand when she cried or became too scared to speak with other people. She is quick as a whip, and picks up language just as easily as her Father does. The first thing that she learned was KSL so that she could better communicate with Sujin, who she has the tiniest crush on. She's very close to her cousin, Nari, as the both of them are quiet and tend not to get noticed by others.

Minsu is encouragble and has the biggest prankster tendencies out of anybody in her family. She picked up on Saeyoung's tricks and improved them without even trying. She's always laughing and having fun, but it can land her into trouble if she's not careful, its great that Jiyeong is with her to stop her from doing anything too dumb, but it really doesn't make that much of a difference. She's bubbly, and she's always quick to speak for herself and her sister without being asked to do so. She's always trying to be a good sister, if anyone hurts Minji she will destroy them with her bare hands. She's got the smallest crush on Jiyeong but she's not about to admit it.

Lucy Kim

I don't even have to say a lot about Lucy because she is pure and honest and kind. She's not my OC, so I haven't really fillet developed how I want to write her just yet. The best daughter that Jihyun Kim could have ever have asked for, and he spoils that girl rotten. I read her as sweet, and very close with Jumin's son out of pure choice.

Nari Choi

Nari is literally sunshine and she deserves everything that the world has to offer and more than that. She is the daughter of my MC Lila, and Saeran, and she's always smiling. She's got her Mother's brown eyes and her messy hair, and her Father's hair color. She's named after a Lily, and its clear that Saeran did that deliberately, and Lila liked the sentiment just as much as he did. Nari never really has had a lot to say, she was a quiet baby and she always held onto people's hands for silent comfort. She is a soft-spoken girl who often doesn't go out of her way to get attention because she likes being in the background, and she absolutely adores gardening because it's the one thing that her Parents are always doing together and sharing together in and around their house. Nari is often found underneath trees and amongst the tall grass just bathing underneath the sun rays, and she aspires to be a florist when she gets older! She very well may be able to do that because her parents are always behind her back and supporting everything that she wants to do or try even if it seems silly to others.

She's very close with her cousin, Minji, and you often don't see one without the other attached. They just floated to each other because they silently understood that the other didn't want to jump out into the spotlight. They often share each other's company in the quiet, and its a normal thing for them to read books in the same room.

[palemoonpersephone]

60 Question Tag Challenge

So I’ve been tagged by @kaffeinic to answer these questions. Here we go!

1: Selfie.

Gonna have to decline this one as I’m very shy but I’ll describe myself a little to make up for it - very long dark reddish-brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin, fun size.

2: What would you name your future kids?

Can’t say for certain, I feel it would depend on what name felt right for that baby but I like many Italian and Celtic names.

3: Do you miss anyone? 

Yes, definitely. Old friends, old pen-pals/online friends who just seemed to disappear. And I miss my partner and my friends when we’re apart.

4: What are you looking forward to?

the weekend Seeing my partner again, working on my writing projects, starting third year of uni, and unashamedly the new Witcher series on Netflix!

5: Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

The lovely @kaffeinic for a start! My best friend, my partner, my doggy 🐕

6: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

All depends on the context. I’ve had crushes in the past that have been relatively easy to get over but then I’ve lost a couple of close friends and that had a pretty traumatic affect on me. Other times it’s been very easy because it’s been the right thing to do because the person I cut off was very toxic/bad for me.

7: What was your life like last year?

In some aspects very similar, my interests are all pretty much the same, my mental health was still difficult to manage and I was looking forward to my upcoming year of uni. But this time last year I wasn’t in a relationship and hadn’t began a really amazing journey of self-discovery.

8: Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

feel so attacked rn yes, I very much have. Crying tends to be my natural response to most high-running emotions.

9: Who did you last see in person? 

Within my household, my mum as I’m currently home for the summer. Outside of that, my partner when he last came down to visit

10: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

I can be. I’ve found it depends on how well other people can see. Over the years I’ve had to hide all sorts of things, especially from my family. For years they didn’t know I was severely ill with anxiety and depression but that might be testament to poor observation and parenting skills, or maybe I just became that good and hiding things. I’m striving now to be more open about how I feel rather than bottling things up because it’s like drinking poison. 

11: Are you listening to music right now?

Not at this minute.

12: What is something you want right now?

a hug a life without crippling mental illness  probably inspiration to work on my novel

13: How do you feel right now?

Quite tired, a bit lonely. Really craving some energy and pizzazz

14: When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

Probably the Monday before last at 4-ish in the morning when my partner had to leave for work.

15: Personality description?

Shy, careful, introverted, open, understanding, affectionate, creative

16: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

Pretty much the story of my life. For the last 10-12 years I’ve had to keep so many things to myself, especially regarding my family. I could never say what I thought/believed because it would all spiral into a catastrophe, wasn’t a very safe environment emotionally-speaking. There have been so, so many things I’ve wanted to say but haven’t for the risk of rocking the boat.

17:  Opinion on insecurities?

Most people I know have them, including myself but I think people can be misled to think that others don’t have them because of the outward images they display. And from my experience they’re usually there for all the wrong reasons (if there’s such a thing as a right reason to have an insecurity)

18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?

No, I’ve only gained things since then.

19: Have you ever been to New York?

Not so far but I can’t say I have any desire to

20: What is your favourite song at the moment? 

Perhaps Ring of Fire by In This Moment

21: Age and birthday?

21, born 18/09/97

22: Description of crush?

(also my partner) 6″1, dark/black hair, brown eyes, built like a brick shit-house, tan skin. He’s intelligent, considerate, honourable, principled, fierce, indomitable, funny, supportive and respectful. 

23: Fear(s)?

I’m just gonna say most things

24: Height?

5″3

25: Role model?

Not sure I have one. I aspire more to qualities like goodness, kindness and innocence

26: Idol(s)?

see above

27: Things I hate:

Small mindedness, cruel/selfish/narcissistic people, exclusion, organised religion (as more of an abstract concept), people not getting what they deserve, when people aren’t willing to listen and learn, having plans ruined, seeing people upset, people who don’t put in effort/only take and never give back

28: “I’ll love you if...”

Lots of possible answers as there lots of sorts of love. In short, if you give back. But then love shouldn’t be conditional, so I guess I should say I couldn’t love someone (in any way) who never gives back. 

29: Favourite film(s)?

Beauty and the Beast, Peter Pan, The Lion King, The Other Boleyn Girl, most Marvel movies

30: Favourite tv show(s)? 

Call the Midwife, Brooklyn 99, QI, The Last Kingdom, Doctor Who

31: 3 random facts.

I’ve been writing for almost 12 years now. I sleep with cuddly toys and make bed forts. I use fantasy to cope with reality.

32: Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Right now, girls but when I was in secondary school most of my friends were boys.

33: Something you want to learn. 

In a physical/skills sense I’d like to learn how to dance. In an emotional/mental sense I want to learn how to unburden by troubles and let go of things holding me down.

34: Most embarrassing moment?

With an anxiety disorder many, many things feel hideously embarrassing. Don’t think I could pick out one exact moment.

35: Favourite subject? 

History

36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Becoming a successful author. Make lots of money so I can give it to charities. Overcome/beat my mental illnesses. 

37: Favourite actor/actress? 

Probably Tom Hiddleston

38: Favourite comedian(s)? 

Stephen Fry, Dara O’Brian, Sandi Toskvig, Aisling Bea

39: Favourite sport(s)? 

Riding, archery, yoga (still physical activity so I guess it counts), swimming, running

40: Favourite memory?

Right now I think it’s when my partner told me he loved me for the first time

41: Relationship status?

If you haven’t guessed by now I’m concerned 😋

42: Favourite books?

Too many to choose from.

43: Favourite song ever? 

Probably Lithium by Evanescence

44: Age you get mistaken for?

Always younger than I am. I really haven’t changed much since I was about 16. Still get ID’d almost everywhere because I look younger than 18 apparently

45: How you found out about your idol.

Not really applicable.

46: What my last text message says.

That’s no one’s business.

47: Turn-ons?

Maturity, experience, intelligence, someone who knows themselves and is in control, someone who can give care and guidance, someone who can bring my out of my shell.

48: Turn-offs?

Idiocy, lack of self-care/hygiene, someone who isn’t willing to listen, entitlement, intolerance, confidence when it hasn’t been earned. 

49: Where I want to be right now.

The New Forest

50: Favourite picture of your idol?

Kinda need an idol first...

51: Star sign?

Virgo

52: Something I’m talented at.

anxiety? I’m quite good at riding and hopefully my writing isn’t too shabby

53: 5 things that make me happy.

Animals, people I love, random acts of kindness, smells that awaken nice memories, creative passion 

54: Something that’s worrying me at the moment.

Guess at random and you’ll probably be correct.

55: Tumblr friends?

@kaffeinic I feel we clicked really really fast and they are possibly the bravest person I’ve ever met and I hope we stay friends.

@alittleandherdaddysworld they’ve been really kind to me and we seem to have some things in common, I hope we get to know each other better!

@xxdaddyslitttleprincessxx they’ve also been really kind to me when I needed someone to turn to and I hope that we too can turn our acquaintance into a friendship!

@thorkingofasgard I think we’ve known one another for just over a year and have had many lovely talks over that time, they’re always a friend I can turn to.

@mblargh-its-me-loki a friend who I sometimes don’t hear from for long periods at a time and I often miss them and hope they’re doing okay

@c0ffeebee their artwork and dedication is second to none and I like to think we got on well when I commissioned them for some art

56: Favourite food(s)?

Love curries and stir-fry, anything involving noodles, Italian cuisine and I’ll never say no to cake

57: Favourite animal(s)?

Dogs, horses, deer, bunnies, foxes, otters, dolphins, mice (I really could go on so I’ll stop myself)

58: Description of my best friend.

5″5, dark blonde hair, brown eyes, tan skin. She’s lovely, intelligent, determined, hilarious, gorgeous and we know each other back to front

59: Why I joined tumblr?

At first it was to connect with more people and spread my fanfiction work but over time it’s become more about just sharing and interacting with what I like and trying to make more and more lovely friends

60: Ask me anything you want.

Hold nothing back

I’m going to tag my listed tumblr friends so that’s @alittleandherdaddysworld @xxdaddyslitttleprincessxx @thorkingofasgard @mblargh-its-me-loki @c0ffeebee and any of my followers are welcome to take part