#shes just like me fr (in reference to a woman who is not at all like me)

[bluejaybytes]

Also if I'm talking about games I like I'm just saying I absolutely 100% picked up on Elisabets queercoding in Horizon Zero Dawn and would (and still do) get into arguments with my brother over it, but I now get to bask in the glory that is her sexuality being confirmed in Horizon Forbidden West. She is my blorbo of all time my bestie beloved my wife my poor little meow meow lesbian

[emmafrostyyy]

y'all sleeping on Astarion/Lae'zel bc this moment is so...the way the flippant demeanor drops and he doesn't hesitate to call her out for sticking with her version of Cazador like their relationship is so underrated fr...

sitting down writing this bullshit like let me peel it like an onion a bit and elaborate why this pairing is fascinating to me

It's really interesting how during the most cathartic, life-altering moment in Astarion's questline, the reactions of the other companions are more about the moral wrongness/guilt of sacrificing innocent lives. Lae'zel doesn't do that and instead relates to his hurt.

She knows what's he's feeling, the lack of control, the unfairness of being powerless for too long. This is a woman who just found out her entire life purpose was built on lies, discarded and hunted by her own people after outliving her usefulness, and groomed to basically die for an insane power-hungry lich queen. She knows all too well that power isn't always real freedom. Her first instinct is to empathize with Astarion to steer him away from his hate and resentment.

Astarion/Lae'zel is so interesting to me because they're such a classic "can we make each other worse or make a better person out of the other?".

They both have genuine appreciation for violence and respect each other's ruthlessness. Astarion was used as a weapon of seduction while Lae'zel was of warfare. Sex with people is meaningless and not real intimacy for them, and while both have little understanding/experience of interpersonal relationships beyond the physical, they still feel and love very deeply. They have no frame of reference for things like friendship and warmth, but they badly want all of that and more, even if they don't know it yet.

In-game they can sleep with each other, which is basically the foundation of the normal Tav/Astarion romance. Lae'zel saw him during combat and got horny, who knows. Astarion who's used to luring people with his charms, takes up Lae'zel's blunt offer because she's a strong hardened warrior that can provide protection and be a worthy ally, and he doesn't know how to say no. Navigating the complications between one who wants to be seen beyond as a sex object, and one who comes from a totally alien culture with no concept of love/family/connections and only sex is honestly really compelling to me. It's a transactional, mutually beneficial thing with no emotional expectations. Once you get past the skeevy rockiness of their early relationship, I really like the idea of them slowly seeing something past the exterior and realizing they may have harshly misjudged the other, an unspoken friendship blooms, and in comes the realization that they are essentially loners longing for kindness and a comforting touch in the most desperate of situations.

Lae'zel is prideful, direct, has no sense of courtship talk, and doesn't hold back her thoughts the slightest--she's not sweet/agreeable and what you see is really what you get, which I imagine would be disarming for Astarion who's used to vacuous flattery and has difficulty trusting others. But she's also insanely protective, passionate, loyal, and an initiator-- every romance scene is triggered by her first and she's always showing effort towards her relationships, which would mesh well with Astarion who does need someone to nudge him.

She doesn't purposely suppress her feelings, she's just simply at loss at how to express them sometimes due to her wildly different upbringing. She stops the sparring match you agree to and an easy vulnerability slips instantly out of her: "I don't want to hurt you. I want to protect you, and for you to protect me." and "Thus far I've taunted you, devoured you, battled you. Now I want more than anything to soothe you." are romantic as fuck and Astarion of all people really needs to hear that tbh.

Astarion is also someone who struggles with reinforcing his boundaries, and a key theme in Lae'zel's romance is that she encourages and wants you to challenge her and learn to stand your ground. It's not gentlest method, but hey, relationships are about having to make an effort to learn each other's language.

I think he also would take pleasure "educating her on the matters of Fay-run" (I believe there's a whole banter with him teasing her and teaching her pet names) and would get a kick out of coaxing Lae'zel out of her shell with her shyness at showing public affection, and making her blush. Also it simply would be fucking funny to see Astarion who's used to easy seduction, trying to pass a persuasion check just to get a smooch and generally having to work to earn regular kisses from Lae'zel lmfaooo

Lae'zel also initially struggles to see her chains as chains. When she learns about Vlaakith's betrayal, she copes instantly through denial and shuts it down. Astarion is NOT having it and calls her out, he knows her well enough to recognize that she would value blunt honesty above all.

I imagine he also despises her lack of self-preservation, the way her entire identity is tied to duty and being in service of others, and doesn't understand her desire to still help/liberate the people that want her dead and are hunting her down. He wants to make this duty-bound soldier realize that looking out for herself, and putting herself first may not be the worst thing in the world.

They're so similar to each other but are also polar opposites in some ways that make a more equal, balanced romance I think. It's not a simple, one-sided, feel-good "she/he can fix her/him" fantasy because both of them have to earn each other's love, actually cut through the other's flaws, and actively motivate each other to be better versions of themselves.

They're not at all the other's ideal guiding hand. It's rough, jagged, and imperfect, but that's how healing goes. It's so far from being the healthiest relationship -- but even if their belief systems differ, their moral compass does often align. I imagine it's a slight relief for them to have a partner where there would be less shame and judgment when they expectedly, occasionally slip up and fall into their bad habits.

Also, man, the "You showed me the betweens and beyonds. Beyond war and peace, beyond passion and obsession, most importantly, you showed me freedom.", "First you were my wound, now you were my cure.", "But you saw something else in me - someone else I could be. Someone who could break the cycle of power and terror that started centuries ago.." lines really hit hard when applied to them.

Of course, they can also make each other worse, feed into the other's negative traits that will bring out the worst part of themselves. It's this duality of their pairing that is very interesting to explore, the way it can steer in either direction because it's an intense, fraught relationship at its core.

[tayytayy12]

I hate it here (a lot less when I’m with you) | OP81 x Reader

Summary - Reader just got out of a mildly toxic relationship and released a song about what her coping mechanism was during that time, but when her new relationship gets leaked by the paparazzi, she decides to show off her new favourite person.

Warnings | Mentions of a past toxic relationship/ breakup, swearing

FaceClaim | Gracie Abrams

Requested | Yes - No

Type | SMAU

Yourusername

Liked by | AaronDessner, PheobeBridgers and 2,987,425 others

Tagged | @/AaronDessner

Yourusername | Long Pond Studios has always been a place where I’ve let my emotions and feelings guide my songwriting completely, every song that I’ve written and recorded in this place has been a complete raw reflection of my feelings, and I’m forever grateful that I can trust you enough to share them all with you without the slightest moment of hesitation. That’s why, I’m surprise releasing my brand new song, ‘I hate it here’ now. This song is about a method I’ve used to cope for the past few years of my life when I wasn’t in the best situation, and I hope that it will help any of you who are or were in the same situation I was. This song was made with my soulmate of a collaborator, chosen friend, found family of mine, Aaron and were so incredibly proud of it and we can’t wait for you to hear it. Sorry for being away for so long, I love you 🤍

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User1 - OMFG SHES ALIVE !!!

User2 - ONLY TOOK FIVE MONTHS TO CONFIRM YOU’RE ALIVE AND BREATHING

AaronDessner - My favourite one together so far 🤍

Yourusername - Love you forever 🤍

User3 - WTFDYM ‘I HATE IT HERE’ EXPLAIN?

User4 - GO LISTEN TO IT ITS SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD

User5 - A SURPRISE DROP? WE’RE SPOILED

User6 - When Aarons a co-writer AND the producer, you know for a fact the song will change your life (and make the therapy bill triple)

Liked by author

User7 - Girl don’t apologise

User8 - FR like she gets cheated on, takes a brake and then apologises to us 😭 like girl it’s okay

JackAntanoff - *Alexa play Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo*

Yourusername- Your times coming synth man 🤫 LOVE YOU STILL

User9 - WDYM HIS TIME IS COMING YOU CRYPTIC WOMAN

User10 - “I hate it here so I will go to secret gardens in my mind.” That’s all I have to say.

User11 - Y/n could write Romeo and Juliet but Shakespeare couldn’t write I hate it here

User11 - “I place you need a key to get to, the only one is mine” girly I hope someone makes you want to make a copy one day

Yourusername - God I love you lmao

User11 - OMFG Y/n loves me I can die happy

User12 - “tell me something awful, like you are a poet.” BC HE ALWAYS PAINTED HER BLUE SKYS THE DARKEST GREY, RUINING HER DAY BY TELLING HER AWFUL SHIT LIKE HES A TORTURED POET !!!!!! (I knew Coney Island wasn’t fictional you fucking delusional people, no one in a happy relationship writes that shit 💕💕💕)

User13 - “This man made me feel worthless.” Y/EX/N ISTG WHEN I FIND YOU. COUNT UR MINUTES

User14 - “I'm lonely but I'm good, I'm bitter but I swear I'm fine” bitch where did you find my diary

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Yourusername

Liked by, SabrinaCarpenter, OscarPiastri and 2,191,910 others

Tagged | @/SabrinaCarpenter

Yourusername - I’m sorry who’s this woman debuting at no.1 on the billboard hot one hundred? My god it is me, I can’t believe this, I love you I love you I love you thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart, I mean it, I really do. MY GOD I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. (And my baby with her first top ten entry, I love you Sabby, Go stream espresso, it is that sweet 🤍💕) OKAY ONE LAST THANK YOU. 💕🤍💕🤍💕

Okay I lied but being among names like Beyoncé, Ariana Grande, SZA and Kendrick Lamar is one of the biggest honours ever, I’m huge fans of them all and to be in the same space as them is an honour no words can express, I love you all, the most caring sweet fans on the whole planet 💕💕💕💕

(And yes, it was a reference to a physical key, this is it)

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User14 - We made the right one famous guys

User15 - I’m actually crying, when did she stop being our little secret

SabrinaCarpenter - My biggest fan 🩷

Yourusername - Your biggest fan 🩷

User16 - Oscar in the likes for what?

User17 - Who?

User18 - Oscar Piastri, he’s a 23 yr old f1 driver

User19 - What is vroom vroom boy doing here

AaronDessner - Truly blessed to work with you

Yourusername - I’m the blessed one don’t even

User20 - Only y/n could send a five minute long, slow, alt pop song with a main piano background, basically a depressing lullaby bop, to number one above all these TikTok songs

User21 - She’s actually adorable

OscarPiastri - Been on repeat!

Liked by author

User22 - UM HELLO WHAT ARE U DOING HERE LITTLE ORANGE MAN?

User23 - This is all bc of me btw

Celebrity.updates

Liked by, user24, and 82,828 others

Tagged | @/Yourusername @/OscarPiastri

Celebrity.updates - NEW COUPLE!!! Fast upcoming pop star, Y/n Y/l/n (21) seen out late at night on the streets of London with Formula one driver, Oscar Piastri (23), according to the source of these pictures the two were laughing and running around the streets together, when Oscar caught up to her and hugged her to him and kissed her. Rumours say that Y/n met Piastri through her ex partner who’s an engineer for f1 team Alpine, the pair seem to be quite smitten and loving with each other. What’s your thoughts on this?

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User25 - WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN

User26 - Posting these photos is bad enough, but tagging them in it is crazy

User28 - Neither of them have even been hinting at a relationship at all, they clearly didn’t want anyone to know yet

User29 - Can’t these sickos just let them live, they’re people too

User30 - Whoever took these is messed up

User31 - They do look rlly happy together though

User32 - The fact that her ex is an alpine engineer makes this situation so much more funny and interesting

SabrinaCarpenter - You’re actually disgusting

User33 - TELL THEM SAB

User34 - The fact that she’s not even wrong

User35 - the fact that she defends Y/n with no hesitation

User36 - The friendship we all need in our lives

Yourusername

Liked by, OscarPiastri, SabrinaCarpenter and 2,928,198 others

Tagged | @/OscarPiastri

Yourusername - I hate it here a lot less when I’m with you 🤍 my favourite polite cat xxxx

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LandoNorris- Finally. The pair of you at the paddock hiding in MY divers room bc you were scared someone would see you in Oscar’s. Sigh.

Yourusername - You love me

User37 - OH MY GOD

User38 - I need to know the bears name

OscarPiastri- She named him Gerald

Yourusername - Don’t sound so disgusted, that’s our son

OscarPiastri - Sorry baby

User39 - Hysterical

OscarPiastri - My favourite smiling dog 🤍

Yourusername- Excuse me did you just call me a bitch

OscarPiastri- NO I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT

User40 - The dynamic is already everything to me

User41 - Even his GF knows he’s a polite cat

Yourusername - He so is (he’s in denial)

User42 -“ I hate it here a lot less with you” Shut the fuck up

OscarPiastri

Liked by, Yourusername, LoganSargeant and 1,872,001 others

Tagged | @/Yourusername

OscarPiastri - She made me a copy 🗝️🤍

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User43 - Someone sedate me

User44 - SHE. MADE. HIM. A. COPY.

User45 - WTFFFTTFTFTD

User46 - Literally the ultimate Oscar on Alpine revenge

Liked by author

Yourusername - I don’t need my secret gardens, or my lunar valleys anymore, because I have you 🤍

OscarPiastri- My favourite and only girl 🤍

User47 - I’m taking a nap on the highway

///////

[sebscore]

BLOOMING BOND | LEWIS H.

pairing: lewis hamilton x fem!reader 

warnings: reference to his iconic 'imagine' tweet. talk about having kids. talk of not wanting an unpresent father. swearing.

author's note: this post by @allkindfangirl inspired me to write this and I hope she enjoys it :) 

masterlist

• • • • • • •

''Aunt Y/N, can you braid my hair, please?'' Willow walked up to the breakfast table, holding her pink hairbrush. 

The woman put her drink down, smiling down at the young girl. ''Of course, honey,'' she slid her chair back and got up, ''we'll do it inside so I can get ready myself.'' Y/N stuck out her hand and Willow swiftly took it. 

''Willow, what do you say to her?'' Her mother glanced at her, trying to look stern. The small girl huffed, seemingly embarrassed by her mother's reminder of having manners. ''Thank you, Y/N.'' The slight frown turned into a toothy grin as she looked up at her uncle's girlfriend. 

''You're welcome, Willow.'' Y/N chuckled, winking at Lewis who smiled at the pair. A skipping Willow dragged her inside the vacation home and made their way towards the bathroom. 

The rest of the family watched them leave with loving eyes, endeared by the interaction. ''Willow is obsessed with her.'' Nicola stated, looking at her brother. 

Her sister nodded her head. ''I know,'' she agreed, ''her hair needs to be like Y/N's, her clothes need to be like Y/N's- it's all I'm hearing these days.'' She sighed, not out of annoyance or agitation, but out of happiness that Willow had found a role-model in her brother's partner. 

''That's adorable,'' Lewis giggled, ''Y/N also loves her and Kaiden- always talking about how such good kids they are and wanting to buy them stuff.'' He told his family, recalling the times they had gone shopping and Y/N would see certain items that reminded her of the two kids. 

''It's very sweet.'' Anthony commented, the smile on Lewis' face bringing one to his own. 

Carmen scratched her voice. ''The little ones were very excited to see the two of you again. They were even naming all the things you could do together.'' The weeks leading up to the family vacation, Willow and Kaiden had been telling their grandmother's ear off about how much they were looking forward to it. 

''We were excited as well, it's been a while since we've all spent time like this together.'' Lewis answered, his heart melting at the thought of his niece and nephew being all giddy about seeing him and Y/N again. 

The other family members agreed. ''Yes, thank you so much for organising this, Lu.'' Samantha thanked him, sending an appreciative smile his way. 

''No, you don't have to thank me! It's my pleasure.'' He brushed her words off, growing shy. 

A comfortable silence fell upon them, bathing in the family time and the beautiful sight of the morning glow in Bali. That didn't last long, though. 

''CANNONBALL!'' 

The loud voice of Kaiden cut through the peace and the sound of someone landing in the pool interrupted the tranquillity of the moment. Lewis' brother-in-law quickly followed after his son and everyone went back to either eating or getting themselves ready for the activities of the day. 

''Nice braid, Willow.'' Lewis complimented his niece as she walked past him to go outside with her new hair, a braid with several flower accessories attached. 

''I know, Y/N did it.'' She told her uncle in a 'duh'-tone. 

Lewis simply laughed and walked to their room, finding his girlfriend changing into a beautiful spring dress. ''Hey, beauty.'' He kissed her cheek, admiring her in the mirror. 

''Hi, honey.'' Y/N smiled at him, adjusting the straps on her shoulders. 

''I just ran into miss Willow who had a beautiful braid in her hair.'' He grinned, grabbing his swimming trunks from his suitcase. ''I told her it looked nice and she just went ''I know, Y/N did it' with a little attitude, it was the funniest thing.'' He recalled the interaction with his niece, chuckling to himself. 

''I wonder where she gets that sassy attitude from.'' Y/N smirked, glancing at her boyfriend with a raised eyebrow. 

Lewis took off his infamous Senna shirt and threw it at her, the woman smoothly catching it. ''I have no idea what you're talking about, darling.'' He pretended, sheepishly smiling. 

''Oh, Mister 'Imagine' doesn't know what I'm talking about, huh?'' Y/N lightly mocked him, folding his shirt and laying it on one of the chairs. 

The Mercedes driver took off his shorts and boxers, switching them for his swimming wear. ''Anyway,'' he changed the topic, making her laugh, ''we were just talking about how well you and the little ones get along.'' A fond smile found its way to his face, remembering the conversation he had earlier. 

''Really? That's cute, Lew.'' A few years ago it would have freaked her out if she knew his family had been talking about her, but a loving bond had bloomed over the course of her relationship with Lewis and now she considered them family as well. 

''Yeah,'' he walked up behind her, trapping her in a back hug, ''it made me think about something.'' 

''About what?'' Y/N looked at him through the mirror. 

''About us having our own kids.'' 

The sudden mention surprised her, her eyebrows raised and eyes widened. They had discussed it before, but some time had passed between that last conversation and now. ''Oh.'' 

''I know we said we would continue the discussion when it's my last F1 season, but I just couldn't help but think about it when you walked away with Willow.'' Lewis confessed, a dreamy look in his eyes. 

''I understand,'' she smiled, ''you'd be a great dad, Lewis.'' 

Sometimes it was hard to ignore the warm feeling she got when she saw Lewis with kids, it made her daydream about her future with the Formula One star. Y/N was okay with waiting until Lewis was ready to retire, though. She wanted a present father for her children- not one that was away most of the time and missed all the important milestones in their children's life. 

''And you will be the most amazing mother.'' He pressed a kiss to her temple, reveling in the feeling of having the love of his life in his arms. 

''Sir Uncle and Aunt Y/N sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes baby. In a baby carriage!'' Kaiden and Willow chorused, yelling the popular playground nursery rhyme through the house. 

The couple laughed at the comedic interruption, pulling away from one another. ''Maybe it's not that bad to wait a few years, I'm not ready for that yet.'' Lewis joked, grabbing a towel and his phone. 

''Dream on, honey.'' Y/N teased, walking to their bathroom and taking the sunscreen from one of the cabinets. 

Lewis stuck his head through the bathroom door, a smirk playing on his lips. ''I do have a wild imagination.'' He winked, referring to his own song with Christina Aguilera. 

''Fuck off, XNDA,'' she tried throwing a discarded towel at him, ''I like Kendrick more, anyway.''

[dollfaced-erin]

𝔻𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕠𝕟'𝕤 ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕝𝕖 (Blade x F!Reader x Jing Yuan)

PART 17

PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8 , PART 9 , PART 10 , PART 11 , PART 12 , PART 13 , PART 14 , PART 15 , PART 16

A/n :

i have JUST finished Penacony, and i have to say, THAT WAS A WILD RIDE FR HELP ?!?! i did NOT expect it to end that way. Okok, hear me out, you might cancel me or whatever, but opinions are opinions right, and i LOVE how they made Sparkle some little gremlin that REALLY knows how to flame people good. ye ye i know about the things happening on twitter, but push that aside. that's merely a reference. all in all, the races in the game still dont exist. and getting mad at a fictional VILLAIN is somewhat hilarious to me ngl...i never even SAW the racism until i watched tiktok. my eyes. anything on tiktok is like...corrupting my brain rn and i hope your fyps are favoring you all too ! But still. We're all humans and we all have our opinions. so dont start messing around and bullshitting people online youre never gonna meet, okay ?

Taglist : -

@rebeccawinters , @nayukiyukihira , @pix-stuff , @fluffy-koalala , @swivy123 , @starxao , @kaoyamamegami , @kimura-uzuri , @rsvye , @seikouryuu , @just-here-reading , @matsulovesyou, @sincerely-aaronette , @prettyliliy , @chibiduck , @hermosacolibri , @la-diablas-thingz , @farelady-fate , @everi-eve , @shadowfoxey , @helloyuki , @immahuman , @samptlay , @boomie-123

Back then, he was only a young man, staring up at the starskiffs that flew by in the sky. He looked no older than a mere teen, but as a Xianzhou native, looks are VERY deceiving. Even for someone as young as Jing Yuan.

The young man looked up at the sky, his adolescence was only peaking up back then. But even so, he was a splendid Cloud Knight, already the climbing up the ranks to be a Sword Champion like his master. Though she had shielded him from much the horrors she had faced when she was a mere child, she tried her best to raise her student as her very own.

He remembered seeing his friends earlier, during the crowning of Jingliu as the Legendary Sword Master, entitling her with the nickname transcendent flash due to her movements that had seemingly cut through time and space within a blink of an eye. They all came around, wanting to congratulate her.

There was the legendary craftsmen, though hailing from another land and being a short-lived species, he had come to present to her the sword made of alien material, shining ebony matte black even under the bright sun. And not far behind him, was the Imbibator Lunae, coming over adorned with his robes of silk and jewelry of jade. Then, there was the mischievous Baiheng who roamed across the stars and set to stay on the Luofu.

But clinging to the sleeve of the High Elder of the Xianzhou Luofu, like a little lost girl, though he was sure that she was most likely just a couple decades younger than the Imbibator Lunae himself. And with the glaucous horns perched atop her head, he knew that she was inevitably the relative of this royal dragon before him, the one they called Saltator Lunae.

She was a beautiful young woman, with bright, curious (e/c) eyes that shone with wonder for the world. Her silky (h/c) hair was held up with a beautiful hairpin made of glass that seemed to be sturdier than plain ceramic he saw the nobles wear. But it matched her innocent look, and it seemed to him that she had yet to see more of the outside world.

He saw her for a mere glimpse, and she seemed to be talking to either her brother, or Yingxing the craftsman who seemed to be very much absorbed into his conversation with her. The middle-aged man even seemed to adore the young woman.

'Cute...' he remembered thinking as he saw her.

It was hot that day, and he was just fresh after training. But after remembering his master's swordsmanship, he quickly got back up, grabbing the sword he used to train, and went on with his practice. There was still much to learn, much to face before he could even dream of being half the person his master was.

"Jing Yuan, meet Imbibator Lunae's younger sister. Saltator Lunae." Jingliu said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere, as he was in the middle of training.

And he saw her again, from a much closer distance. The pretty girl from the other day, this time with an intricate hand fan in her hold, closed. This time she seemed much more...reserved ? Was it because her brother wasn't around ?

"Huh ? Sister ?"

"Yes, she'll be training with you. Other than Cloudhymn magic, she wants to learn about forming wind and water together to form ice. It doesn't hurt to learn more, especially from someone with core differences like you, Jing Yuan."

"Ah..." sighed the General as he shook his head, pulling himself out of his thoughts. He chuckled softly, looking at the item in his hand, which was a small decorative hand fan.

It was a beautiful oriental fan, with intricate designs carefully inked and dyed with care and professional handling. And it was no ordinary fan, instead it was a beautiful silk fan that he had seen her hold on the day they first met....

And was entrusted to him by Dan Feng who loved his sister very much before he had to part from this world.

The fan just...was just a reminder of what sunny days he blindly lived through, never anticipating the position he'd assume current day...

"General ?" A young voice piped up, snapping him out of his dampened mood.

The General turned to see his retainer by his side, peering cautiously at the fan in his master's hand, knowing that it must've belonged to someone of position and status. Especially since the wood forming it was no ordinary slice, but rather elaborately detailed to the smallest feature.

"Yes, Yanqing ?" He responded back, the lazy cat-grin on his lips as his golden eyes met one he considered his son.

"Lady Fu Xuan has given signal that she has deployed the anomaly team towards the suspected location of the Plagues Author's devotees." Yanqing said, the young boy nodding his head to signal to his master something.

"Thank you, Yanqing. It is time for me to depart, and reunite with the princess herself face to face. I cannot have the Ace of the deck be pulled out before its time." Jing Yuan said as he placed the fan onto the table, and rose to his feet.

"An...ace of the deck...?" Yanqing asked, cocking up an eyebrow as he suspiciously eyed the General of the Xianzhou Luofu.

"Yes. One of the keys in saving the Xianzhou itself." Jing Yuan said, giving no room for his retainer to further impose on his agenda.

"Now, Yanqing. I will be leaving to coincide with the Master Diviner's troupes, and those stationed in the Alchemy Commission." Jing Yuan said with that same smirk plastered on his lips.

"Do not lay your foot in a trap laid down by yourself, lest you be the hunted instead of the hunter." Was Jing Yuan's final warning before he walked off to leave the Seat of Divine Foresight.

But what he didn't know was that his little apprentice had been exposed to the sights of the legendary without either of them noticing it. And this youngling was very much eager to try his new profound knowledge in bringing justice to the land he served.

Though the General had yet just finished another meeting with the Master Diviner, even issued her with the official warrant to temporarily command the Cloud Knights, it was clear that things were far from over now. Affairs on the Xianzhou Luofu this time wouldn't be so easily averted, not with the interference of outsider hands in this matter.

He shook his head as he remembered the contents of the earlier discussion with Fu Xuan earlier. He remembered the troubled face of (Y/n) who had not dared utter a word as he issued another errand for the Astral express team to run.

He remembered his own words, spoken with his regular slyness and his lax tone in order to conceal what he truly felt inside...

"Miss Tingyun, I would like you to continue to serve as a guide for our Astral friends. And Lady (Y/n)..." he said, trailing off as he turned to look at her.

She looked...troubled. Biting her lower lip was a habit she had built long back during the prime era of the High-Cloud Quintet. Not only did she look troubled, she also seemed quite...saddened. Perhaps...it was the memories that surged her, or even the weight of her duties to reseal the Ambrosial Arbor. And everyone knows that...Lady (Y/n) isn't quite complete in herself...

"I hope you understand the importance of your presence within this mission. I am sure that the team will be able to safely escort you through the paths, and guide you safely to the Alchemy Commission."

He had once again broken the rules and regulations of the Luofu. With the next task he issued...was to get the Astral Express team towards the Ambrosial Arbor through the Alchemy Commission's delve. It was a hard decision, knowing the routes they needed to pass through were heavily infested and affected by the growth of the Ambrosial Arbor and it would be increasingly dangerous for (Y/n) to continue venturing along.

But he had no other choice yet in this matter. She was the King piece in this chessboard. Though her Queen piece...was nowhere in sight.

But he knew that man would appear sooner or later. Along with the young prince, who served the missing half of the current king's severed power.

He just hoped she was faring well.

"Phew ! That deer sure was a tough one !" March said, a relieved smile on her lips after the team had departed from the Alchemy Commission and saying good by to a certain...Furnace Master.

"Quite a deer friend indeed." Replied her companion, Stelle, who earned a tired groan from March due to her pathetic excuse of making jokes.

"But Lady (Y/n)..." March said, looking at the woman who was walking ahead of them, her back turned towards the team. Robes of expensive silk fluttered in the wind behind her, light shining off the material. Her (h/c) swayed in the wind, giving off nothing but an air of royalty.

But despite her ice cold gaze...everyone saw how shocked she looked when Gongshu had introduced himself as the Furnace of Creation's master. The woman was silent, merely staring at the man before her, uttering not a word. But she bit her lip, as a way to prevent herself from saying more than she should.

Then there was the deer, the Ebon Deer that was nothing but an abomination. Colors of blue, gold and green, representing life, vitality and wealth. A beautiful yet horrifying mix of colors forever ingrained in her mind.

"Are you alright, Lady (Y/n) ?" Welt asked, making sure that the young woman behind her was faring well.

Fighting against the Ebon Deer was hard work, at it seemed that even (Y/n) had trouble against it before they dispelled the outer source of power it was extracting from the power of Abundance.

He watched her horrified reaction as it withered and yet regained its former state, almost as if she were haunted by the extremes of power an Aeon can possess...

Or perhaps were those the same eyes of the people who fought in the War of Abundance...? The eyes that witnessed fear and loss time and time again. Maybe...perhaps even those eyes were included in the horrors of the abominations.

Powers of the Vidyadhara were nothing short of the definition of power itself, but she struggled to face it off, as if having second thoughts while fighting, or even extending the period of fighting just to conduct a couple observations and conclude a couple thoughts.

This woman...was trying to learn something. Gain an insight, perhaps...?

Even as Welt was making his own observations and conclusions regarding the change of paths from the Abundance to the Hunt, (Y/n) stood away from them, deep in her own circle of thought.

"I...am alright." Said the regal lady, dusting of the sleeves of her dress. It was tough, but she knew there was more to come, especially with the warning Jing Yuan had discretely yet undoubtedly been trying to relay to her.

Her presence was playing a crucial part in this play of his.

Did that mean...she had to meet...his reincarnation...?

Jing Yuan had never told her what had become past the period of molting rebirth. But did she really want to know...?

"It's just...that deer..." she said softly, shaking her head. "Reminded me of someone."

The man she loved, falling at the hand of the abundance, due to some...forbidden ritual they were trying to pursue. And he too...began one of the Abundance. Healing time after time, without even having a say in his own life.

The woman looked back to meet the gaze of her worried companions. All sorts of gazes landed on her form, pity, worry, concern, understanding...she appreciated them all, but...

"That's enough. We should keep going. The Alchemy Commission...shouldn't be far from here now..." said the dragon lady before she turned on her heel to leave the scene.

Right...there was no need to say anymore. Words...could not convey the feeling of loss she felt etched deep inside her heart. Nor did the memories even fulfil the void that grew day by day, with a certain longing for times of old to resurge...

Through the gates of the Artisanship Commission, it led the team straight towards the Alchemy Commission, a delve where all the medicinal and healing practices were carried out. It was the perfect place for concocting medicines out of herbs and materials of rare items to treat unknown diseases, or a place to jot down prescription after prescription while attending to the endless stream of natives that need the attention of professionals.

Some came here to learn, and some came here to help others. But ultimately, the desire of all here was one, to make the Xianzhou Luofu more prosperous and longevous than it ever was.

But this place...was also the same place for dubious plans to be carried out. With the high-tech equipment, materials only those in the alchemy would be able to obtain, should the Luofu fall into peril, this...would no doubt be their lair.

(Y/n) led the team into the commission, walking past the walls that were once so familiar to her. Though it has been centuries, this place...was almost as same as it used to be back when she was in her prime, looking over the apprentices like a protective mother watching her eggs.

Bodies of the mara-struck, celestial bodies and the Cloud Knights littered the stone ground left and right, for as far as the eye can see. It was no doubt that a fierce war had indeed taken place within these walls, no time to reach out for help since the delve had been sealed off, and the commission was deemed to be deserted.

"Whoa, looks like the battle here was intense..." March said, the poor girl looking around the blood-bathed battlefield with fear and horror in her young eyes. Her hands were to her mouth, almost in disbelief with what had occurred here.

Tingyun sighed, looking behind her to meet the gaze of the young girl. "Looks like the Master Diviner had launched a campaign while we were delayed in the Artisanship Commission."

"She must've divined it at the right time..." responded the usually silent Stelle, only ever opening her mouth to let out the most unheard of jokes (Y/n)'s pointed ears had heard of, or to say something incredibly out of character.

"Seems like she had sent in the Cloud Knights to clear out the way before we arrived. It would've been dreadfully dangerous had she let us in without proper preparation and training like the knights." (Y/n) said, her sharp and luminescent eyes scanning the area, the scene before her like flowers wilted on the ground.

But this...was nothing compared to the flooding blood rivers she had witnessed as a young maiden. Should things continue as they are...well...the Luofu would be drenched in mixed blood once again.

But unlike last time. She would do everything in her power to stop from memories of the past haunt and overshadow her future, refusing it to take shape it once took form as.

She wouldn't dare dream of losing another person dear to her.

Not the warm and kind-hearted General that had embraced her with loving arms the moment her eyes had revealed itself to the world. Not when she had to let go of her lover that remembered so little of her yet yearned for their long lost intimate moments.

Back then...she had so much to lose. And this time was no different.

She just hoped...that his reincarnation was doing well somewhere.

Welt noticed the unease in (Y/n)'s gaze. Being the attentive man he was, riddled with experience and written with history of a distant land, he knew better than to outright voice his concern over the Dragon Lady.

"Time is of the essence. The most important task for the Xianzhou Luofu is suppressing the Stellaron." Said the brunette, his arms crossing over his chest as he too observed the concluded battlefield before him. "General Jing Yuan tasked the Master Diviner with commanding the Cloud Knights-- he would've known she'd act on the results of her divination."

"Maybe that's why they sent us through the Artisanship Commission. To avoid direct contact with the battlefield. It is too dangerous for us here. If fighting the Ebon Deer was already breaking more than our usual threshold, imagine actually engaging in a real battle." (Y/n) said softly, looking sad at the loss before her.

"But...that's out of your scope." She whispered, walking towards one of the knights to check on their conditions.

"Lady (Y/n)..." March said worriedly, and Tingyun looked a little...somber at the Dragon Lady had returned back to her post as the Miracle Healer.

"This...must be hard for Lady (Y/n) to see." Tingyun said softly, shaking her head. "As I remember records...the past Dragon Lady was someone of immense caliber and knowledge, having pulled strings no one dared to interfere with."

"But this is nothing compared to what she had seen back in her days. Centuries ago, an Emanator of Abundance besieged the Luofu with the aim of the Ambrosial Arbor. They destroyed half our delves and killed most of the Cloud Knights." Tingyun said, looking up at the sky, perhaps wondering what the sky looked like when the ground was bathed in red.

"For long-life species, such events are more like yesterday's memories rather than ancient history. This awful spectacle is child's play in comparison to what they've seen and been through."

"It's...hard to tell if the Master Diviner won or lost here." Welt said with a heavy sigh, that was until (Y/n) walked back, her (e/c) clouded with regret and shame.

"There...are many losses here. I might be able to restore and patch some up, but...it would be too dangerous for me to venture further alone without back up." (Y/n) said, her eyes never leaving the fallen soldiers. "If only Yingxing and..."

She cut herself short, her thoughts snapping back to prevent herself from saying anymore of those forsaken memories of old. She shook her head and cleared her throat, as if to regain composure.

"Nevermind." She said sharply. "There aren't many Cloud Knights here, so I reckon there's a retreat nearby, or maybe they really did make it out with a minimal count of casualties. Deeper into the delve, perhaps."

"Will you try heal those here, Lady (Y/n) ?" Tingyun asked the horned woman before her, noticing her determined gaze. And (Y/n) nodded. "I'll...try my best. I'm a healer, a doctor even, or whoever I used to be, but I'm not miracle granter."

"Please be careful, Lady (Y/n), Stelle. These monsters seem pretty tough..." March warned carefully, fearing the safety of her companions and the lady they were meant to escort safely.

(Y/n) leaned down to inspect the wounds on one of the soldiers that seemed to have been ridden with mara, rooted deep inside its body. As she scanned the figure with her sharp eyes, she noticed how this individual...a woman, perhaps in her early 300s...was far too deep in mara.

Mara was plaguing her body like flies eating away at rotting flesh. Slow, constant, but unbearable. The wounds were shrinking away beyond a usual native's ability, and with the lack of injured vital signs, (Y/n) knew it was best for her to try freeze the cores and quickly move away.

So that was as she did. To those still blessed with life, she leaned down to bestow them the gift of her healing, hoping that they would be able to be to at least endure less pain than they should. She even froze cores, wishing that it was enough to prevent the rapid outbreak of the plague, harming others beyond control.

She knew...those mara struck before her...had their regrets and their ambitions to see another day. She knew another person who was just the same, bringing flesh of a fallen Emanator, striking his beloved with a fatal blow, yet he himself was a victim to another's plan who wished to deny the cruel nature of death.

The beloved who once held her hand so tenderly, an arrogant man who was yet so soft towards her, bestowing her with a gentle kiss on her forehead as he held her close by her waist.

(Y/n) looked up, knowing that those days were no more, and the sky above them...was never a witness to the moments she held dear to her frozen and recovering heart. Her heart that was facing conflict and turmoil with her current identity and her past self, knowing both were nonetheless one of the same.

Though she had forgotten most of her past, only bits and shred able to be brought forward to her current time, she knew it was time for her to step up and once again place the crown high on her head, though it weighed so heavily on her shoulders.

"Look ! There's someone over there." March called out, taking (Y/n)'s hand to point towards a woman wearing an Alchemy Commission uniform, and a kneeling Cloud Knight by her feet.

(Y/n) didn't have a good feeling about this.

[beanghostprincess]

thoughts on transman yamato and transwomen ace? (ik yamato is already canon so this is mostly just thoughts on transwomen ace lol)

I feel like if I think too much about Ace being a woman my lesbian heart won't be able to handle it but. But yeah. My thoughts are very-- Positive. Dying of lesbianism here.

I've always considered Ace transmasc but this is so good too??? I believe Ace as a woman would like. Be the same. But woman. Kind of like Luffy ngl. The thing with ASL is that Ace comes out as a woman and the other two are like "Oh cool! *change pronouns when talking to her*" and that's kind of. The whole thing for them? They're extremely supportive and WILL beat the shit out of you if you say something about their sister. But. Like. Ace is already the one beating people up for that so they don't need to worry--

Thinking about Ace coming out like, time after the sake thing and Luffy telling her that they need to do it again because "We swore we were brothers but!!!! I want to drink sake with you again and swear you will always be my older sister!!!!!" and it melts Ace's heart completely. Not to mention that now nobody fights about who's the oldest because now Luffy has an older sister and an older brother!!

Makino would be the sweetest soul to her,,, She teaches her stuff and Ace is always asking her things to be more of a ""real woman"" and Makino is like ???????? "what do you mean real woman, sweetie, it doesn't matter what you do and how you look like as long as you're comfortable!! Don't let other people tell you otherwise!!" and Ace realizes that's the type of girl she wants to be to become a good older sister to Luffy. Supportive and kind and herself even if a lot of people won't see her the way she is.

Ace goes through life so not giving a shit-- I think she is the same except that when she wins fights and people think she is a guy she is just like "haha a woman beat you up fucking loser" and when people realize she is a girl they're all like "noooo cover your chest that's indecent!!" and she's so confused and angry because why is it okay to do so when they think she is a guy but it's wrong when they find out she is a girl???? She goes boobs out everywhere fr fr.

I think Ace is the type of saying "I can't have surgery and boobs so I'm just gonna do so much exercise my chest will look huge" and she is so committed to that. Good for her.

And!!!!!! When she meets Yamato??? And Yamato tells her he is a guy??? Ace is like "OH ME TOO ME TOO I AM A GIRL AND PEOPLE CONSTANTLY THINK I'M A GUY IDK WHY" and they have their "we the same fr" and fall in love bc no matter the gender Yamace is always canon. `You have this cool but a bit of a failgirl Ace and her tall af cute boyfriend. Boy who says teehee x Girl who laughs like a lunatic.

Also, I think her relationship with Roger would change a bit? And she already loves her mom but she would do it now even more because she would feel like-- More connected to her experience as a woman? I think Ace should wear a little flower in her hair just like Rouge, too.

And not to be depressing af but when Marineford happens and everybody treats her as Roger's SON she is having the worst time of her life for so many reasons. And Luffy just tells everybody he sees that Ace is not a guy and he might be in the middle of saving her but he will fight people so they refer to her right.

Idk I think there are more things to say but I am eepy and I just woke up. But I absolutely love this and Ace as a trans girl lives in my mind rent free.

[boyfhee]

· BELLADONNA · lee heeseung

SYNOPSIS · sometimes, love is not about the sacrifices you make, but about the selfishness you hide.

GENRE · thriller, historical

WORD COUNT · 5k

WARNINGS · slight mentions of drugs and alcohol, slight implications of sexual activity ( not between the main characters ) graphic descriptions of injuries and associated weapons, blood, descriptions of graphic acts of violence, descriptions of a person in a very bad state. over all, this could be disturbing to some extent so please watch out before reading.

NOTE · thought i was slaying with this but i got sleepy and idk what happened in the middle, you're on your own. for @koishua's there were two collab i am literally so embarrassed fr bff idk what's ab to come, the style part of my writing yeeted itself somewhere in between i have no recollection of what happens in the middle . vie i apologise in advance. OK A FEW THINGS BYR :

don't trust me on the history here. i don't know when atropa belladonna was introduced in korea, google doesn't help. just know, it isn't native to east asia

the clans mentioned here are real though none of them reigned in the timeline this fic is set in ( since monarchy ended in korea after the end of Japanese occupation, please correct me if i'm wrong ) so, every character here is rather a descendant than a ruling figure. moreover, i don't know if lee heeseung is from jeonju lee clan or not so please do not rely on my information

atropa belladonna is toxic and contains neurotoxic alkaloids. no it was never given to pregnant women ( it's dangerous ) the severeness of this drug is heavily ignored and watered down in this fic. do no associate with the plant / drug irl

the wedding 'dress' here refers to a hanbok

THIS IS FICTION ! DONT RELY ON THE INFO HERE im saying half of it is wrong

“The best thing about being identical twins,”— Ah-young hands over her school bag to you, carefully stepping across the short trail of bush that ran along the length of the roads inside the public tutoring house— “we can switch places and no one would ever know.” 

PRESENT DAY, 1951

“Are you sure? Shouldn’t Ah-young be the one trying this?” 

“She’s trying on another dress,” Your caretaker hissed. “It’ll suit her if it suits you. You both look the same, anyway,” The first time you met her was when you and your sister were five, in the yard, picking tangerines for your mother— Madame Bella, as people called her.  

Belladonna, ‘beautiful woman’ in Italian, refers to a common cosmetic practice during the Renaissance, in which women used the plant to dilate their pupils, making their eyes look bigger. However, the name popularised in Myeongryebang in the late eighteenth century, originally assigned to women with bewitching beauty, who were known to be blessed by the Gods on the day of their birth. Atropa Belladonna, a plant introduced in Korea in the early sixteenth century, deemed illegal and marketed at a high price for those who desired it’s captivating effect, was taken and prepared into a syrup to be given in drops to women with milk in the first three months of her pregnancy, in hopes that she would give birth to beautiful children, and the bloodline will be graced by beauty for generations to come. 

Its plant was grown by the previous Lady of your house— the Belladonna Residency— who was known for her blinding attractiveness. As time passed, legend dissolved along with other historical practices, leaving behind a few of those who continued to believe, your great grandmother being one of them. And on a full moon night, with nightshade in its full bloom, your mother was born. 

“Oh, Miss Ko, I’ll take these two,” Ah-young stepped outside from her room, handing the dresses to your caretaker.“I can’t believe I’m getting married already,”

“Right, it feels like just yesterday you asked me to attend History lessons in your place because you disliked the teacher,” She sits next to you on your bed in her chemise, not caring enough to put on a shawl even during the peak of winters. 

One of the earliest memories you have with your twin sister is about the two of you attending lessons in place of each other. Ah-young filled in for your piano lessons while you did the same for History. A sense of pride followed the two of you around every time you successfully fooled your tutors under your father’s nose. Perhaps, it’s the gift of being identical— to be present and yet, be completely invisible. To win games and lodge fear in your younger cousins was the best use you both make of your striking familiarities. Amusement drizzled through your eyes every time you and Ah-young came up with another childish trick, although it didn’t last longer than when you both turned ten and met Heeseung. 

She takes your hand. “I wanted you to get married first, Yn,” 

Ah-young, meaning, grace and kindness. 

“Why?” 

“It’s scary. I’ve seen how it was for mother. So, I wanted to get married after you, for you have always been the braver one,” Your mother’s name was Sang-hee, who was married to the one of the most influential jewel merchants— your father. Sang-hee, benevolence and pleasure, that’s what her name means. They say, the meaning that a person’s name holds reflects upon their life. Names are not just words to distinguish an individual from the other, but rather, they define the person for who they are, and what they will become in life. From your maternal grandmother, Min Hei-ran from the Yoheung Min Clan, to your father, Kim Yong-san, who is a descendant of Gwangsan Kim Clan, everyone has a few things common in them— versatility, grace, wealth, desire. 

Names are for people just the way colours are for paintings. 

“But now, I have Heeseung,” The frown of her face morphs into a gleeful smile. “I’m not scared anymore,” The earliest memory you have of envy and regrets was when you were ten, and when Ah-young brought Heeseung home to introduce him to you and consequently, the whole family. 

Coming from Jeonju Lee Clan, or more appropriately, one of the descendants of the same, you knew Heeseung would hold an important place in your household. Your father focuses on establishing secure connections with prominent families while your mother, well, Miss Ko— who your father married when you and Ah-young were eight, after your birth mother hung herself from the cherry tree that faced your shared bedroom with your sister— pursued an unwavering goal of acquiring wealth and exploiting luxuries after becoming the Lady of the Belladonna Residence. Heeseung, though for you, was a ray of hope. 

Not a day was spent without you intoxicating your blood with regrets of skipping piano lessons and making Ah-young take those for you. The reason could be anywhere between not wanting to trim your perfectly manicured nails, and the fear of facing failure after knowing that your hands were nowhere as swift as hers when they danced on the keys, to the very melodies they produced. In a letter shared with your grandmother after your mother’s death, she quoted, ‘A noble blood shall bleed like one,’ Eight year old you didn’t understand the weight of those words, but thirteen year old did then you saw Miss Ko, the woman who had claimed to love your father dearly, bring drunken men into her bedroom on nights your father didn’t come home for the sake of business. The fruits of Belladonna are poisonous, presumably deadly. The tree withstands the changing of seasons, from harsh monsoon winds to calloused winter streams laced with snow. Every leaf plucked and every scar that wounds the trunk, a heart so determined to protect what belongs to it, a poison that takes life from the ones who dare ingest it raw. 

The tree is old but it never weakened. Your mother died wearing the royal hanbok that was passed down through generations by newlywed women, hiding the scars on her skin that tell tales of every moment that she spend being mistreated by your father, for a noble blood shall bleed like one, your mother never hung her head low even after a war she lost. 

“Why do you love Ah-young?” It’s a question that ought to be asked long ago, when you had first heard about their relationship. Heeseung has been the man of every woman’s dream, the ideal son-in-law for every mother with a daughter. Yet, fate guided him towards the Belladonna tree in your backyard in the middle of the night, and you knew he’s the one you’d need. Despite meeting Ah-young first, you and him were closer than any other companions you have had. He would walk you around his estate, tell you about the distant seas you’ve only heard of in stories, of the girls that chimed around him and how it makes your skin itch with disgust, because no one deserved him more than you. If so, then why her. 

“She’s beautiful,” He responded almost immediately. 

“Does that mean you love me too?” And words fell off your mouth involuntarily. Maybe because you’ve been keeping them in for so long, this was bound to happen someday. “We look the same,” 

A pause. He took a sharp breath in, averting his eyes away from you. It felt like ignorance at first, as if he’s avoiding your words, suppressing an urge to tell you how gauche they sound. The unsophisticated behaviour didn’t suit you, but every memory you share with him resurfaces every time the picture of him and Ah-young at the temple crosses your mind. Envying your sister is new, for you have always received the same things— clothes, toys, jewelries, footwears, anything materialistically possible. Neither of you have lived a life much different from each other. Seeing Ah-young has always been like seeing yourself, living with yourself, watching yourself do things in a different fashion. It has been as if you’ve been living your life with two different perspectives, but watching her with Heeseung felt foreign, like some parasite has taken your place and is living as if it belongs to her. But you can’t show it, so you continued with a chuckle, “I’m kidding,” 

“I think it’s the colours,” You realised later that what you’ve been thinking of as sheer ignorance was actually hesitation. “Red suits her more,” He added, fingers fiddling over his engagement ring. “as for you, white has always been your colour,” 

You’ve been thinking about white and red since that day. 

Day and night, awake and while sleeping, eating, bathing; his words have been plaguing your mind ever since you had that conversation with him. ‘Red suits her more,’ it rings in your ear like the sinister cawing of a crow. ‘White has always been your colour,’ it comes off as the sweetest melody you’ve ever heard. You remember him ordering cherry topped desserts every time you both ate out, the reason being, cherries are his favourite fruit and red happens to be his favourite colour. Heeseung tells you about his preferences and you hear his talk as if they’re your own, and with every ounce of information that you learn about him, a new you is born. You never liked red but started wearing it more around him, red lipstick for the evening you were supposed to tell him your feelings before he sent a messenger notifying you that he wouldn’t be able to come. You wouldn’t have minded being disrespected if he hadn’t gone to the academy to visit your sister and congratulate her with red roses for winning the debate.   

You rush to her room and shut the door the moment she steps out to finalise a few things regarding the wedding. You take her wedding dress out from the cupboard, there’s jealousy oozing through the cracks on your skin, fingertips leaving prints of greed all over the silk fabric as you stand in front of the mirror, one hand holding it in front of you while the other brushes over it’s soft creases, admiring it’s heavenly look. You’re picturing yourself in the attire, next to your Heeseung, celebrating your day, just like it was supposed to be from the beginning. Sisters for life, what everyone taught you both as children. ‘Because your sister is your biggest fear and your greatest weapon, treat her with tenderness,’ quoted your grandmother. But you’ve attended all the history lessons for her; and the lesson of History is that no one ever learns. 

Your eyes traverse between the dress and the image of you in the mirror, heart sighing with admiration that screamed of wanting more. A smile makes it way up your lips, fingers wrapping tighter around the hem of your dress— a promise you make with the silk, to never let go. You twirl around, the image of you in that dress next to Heeseung getting clearer and clearer in your mind. You’ve spent your childhood playing into each other’s roles. You know it in your blood, the foot she steps forward first while walking, the turn she sleeps, the style she dances, the pattern she breathes. Your eyes land upon a photo frame of her and Heeseung from the day of their engagement. A sharp breath in, you straighten your back, mimicking her pose from the picture, a soft sigh out; sometimes, you think you are more like Ah-young than she, herself, could ever be. 

“What are you doing?” The door flies open, your blood runs cold. The sight of your sister has never been so frightening. 

Ah-young has been all about sharing, from elite delicacies to credits for things you didn’t even help her enough with, to reach the finished product. To think, she gets more of her traits from your aunt. You don’t remember your mother being much of a saint, except when it came to her daughters. You remember her cradling you in her lap on nights neither of you could sleep. While most of the mothers would recite tales of fairies and land of sweets, your mother told you about the horrendous acts of people, the traps set by family members, about how trust is nothing but giving someone the power over yourself. She’d warn you about the horrors of the nights, the limits that men would cross to strip a woman off her dignity, the acts your best companion would exhibit behind your back to step over you. She would teach you of ways you could secure your position in the hierarchy— 

“Oh, well, I was seeing how I’d look in a wedding dress,” —and of ways you could acquire what if yours, and if, for some reason, you’re unable to find one, she’d teach you to make one. 

“You would not look much different from me,” She mumbles up close, standing right behind you and holding you steady by your shoulder with one hand while the other lifts up your chin to face the mirror. “Just as pretty,” 

“I love how dreamy it looks,” She takes the dress from your hand, putting it around herself and twirls like a toddler. There’s a faint blush on her cheeks, eyes glistening with all the happiness the world could offer to the mortals. Her words talk about her content with the dress and how perfect it looks, while your mind paints a picture of Ah-young standing next to Heeseung on your wedding day, and you know she’s trying to steal him from you just as she has always done. “The design, patterns, and such fine work of embroidery. Don’t you think so?” 

You walk to the drawer behind her. “Yes, it’s spellbindingly beautiful,” 

“I’ve always thought white of as an empty colour, it doesn’t quite fit me. But wearing this, I look pretty,” Every passing second erodes the patience you’ve been keeping in for years. Her voice stings in your ears, making you feel like they’d bleed out of pain. She looks at herself in the mirror, the smile never leaving her face, saccharine words of love leaving her mouth relentlessly; you want to shut her up. A knife from the kitchen would do the work, you can slice off her tongue, or take the embroidery box from her bedside table and sew the mouth with nylon. Your breath gets faster, shallower than it was, ears begging you to stop her from talking further, but she doesn’t shut up. You pick up the flower vase. “White must really suit me!” 

And the next second, she’s on the floor, succumbing to unconsciousness while looking at you with eyes that call for help, despite knowing what you did. Her eyes shut close, silence takes over the room, you stand still with the flower vase in your hand. A part of you feels content, she’s gone, while the other fears the reality of being caught. You consider running away, but her words ring inside your head like a tinnitus, making it unable for you to think straight. And so, you drag her unconscious body under your bed, wiping the droplets of blood from the wooden floor with acetone, hoping it would go away. But the voices compel you to go further. 

You snatch the dress out of her grip before kicking her under the bed. “White has always been my colour.” 

A part of you hopes she never wakes up, for this is your chance. Another part of you wants her to be alright, because you wouldn’t be able to answer if someone asked for the two of you together. Though, the voice tells you to keep going— kill her, throw her, burn her, all sorts of things that have never crossed your mind in any situation. You could go, grab water and help her wake up, but the picture of you and Heeseng appears before your eyes, and suddenly you want her gone. 

“Your sister is not coming down for dinner?” Miss Ko asks when only you show up for dinner instead of the two of you. She has been working for the Residence for years but still hasn't learnt how to distinguish between the two of you. She has been looking after the two of you ever since you both were four but, there hasn’t been one day where she actually cared about you and your sister. Ko’s goal was to earn as much as she could, to live a lavish life, and she would go beyond extents if it means she could get what she dreams for. Maybe, it’s another reason why you’ve always found her similar to yourself. 

“She’s not hungry as of now,” You reply with a smile, a smile that otherwise dances on Ah-young’s face. “I’ll take her food upstairs,” A part of you wants to poison her dinner, easiest of all methods. Or maybe, you should melt her face with concentrated acids to create disfigurements and throw her by the city outskirts so that no one suspects who she actually is. You can stab her and hire guards who would feed her to hungry wolves and vultures. There are a number of other ways, burying her in your backyard and making it seem like she ran away— you ran away, because from today onwards, you were going to live as her, for her identity is all you need to make Heeseung yours.                                              

“Ah-young, I have brought you dinner!” Your voice sounds cynically sweet, words laced with deadly adoration, hoping to see your sister, but the place where you left her remains empty. You pause, fingers gripping the diner plate firmly. “My lovely sister, you never learn, do yo—” And a strike from behind you sends you to the floor, pain radiating from the site of injury to your entire head. You turn your head around, your sister stands with her jewellery box in her hands, shaking with fear. Your hands are covered with the dinner you brought her, and now you wish they were coloured in her blood. 

“Yn,” She crouches in front of you, putting the jewellery box aside, taking your face in her hands. “This is not you,” And listening to her talk like she actually knew you made your blood boil, so you grab her neck, holding her down to the floor, watching her tap your hands to let go while struggling to breathe, with a smile on your face. Her face turns pale, eyes shutting close before you let go, loosening the grip around her throat. 

“No, this is you,” You brush strands of hairs off her face, hovering over the frightened figure that struggled and coughed to breath. “I am you, Ah-young, the one who’s getting married tomorrow,” A sinister touch graces your words, a smile that keeps growing wider with every sob that chokes out of her mouth. There’s an odd sense of satisfaction in the way she begs for her life, as if the Heavens are making her pay for stealing what belonged to someone else, and you wish you could relive this moment for as long as you wanted. 

Her hand reaches out for yours. “Why are you doing this?” She cries out. 

“Right, why do I have to do this?” And you sit back, pretending to think of reasons to justify your actions, although there is only one explanation: Heeseung, and you continue, “I am pretty. I have no reason to be jealous of you,” 

“We’re literally the same,” Somehow, she manages to draw a chuckle out of her, attempting to pull herself up and sit straight. You’ve come to despise those words, ‘twins,’ ; ‘same,’ they make you feel suffocated. Ah-young always had the habit of using those against you, and every time those words rolled off her tongue, it felt like you'd ripped off your identity, not that you had one that belonged solely to you in the first place. You try to imagine Heeseung’s reaction in this situation, would he take your side or hers, or if he would even care who survives because you both look the same, it barely makes any difference. 

But, somewhere inside, you know he would choose her over you.  “That’s right,” There’s firmness in your voice, a sense of hatred, as your hand ghosts up her cheeks and grabs onto her hair. “Then why do you get to have all the good things?” 

Perhaps, it’s the fragrance of the nightshade flowers that fill your room and intoxicate your senses, but the blood on your palms feels like jewels of a newlywed, and her pleas to be spared— music to your ears. You always had it in you, the will to fight back, the numbness to fear, the sparks of insanity that blew up and suddenly, your heart is in flames. Normality has always been a paved road, comfortable to walk but no flowers could grow. You were the flower that yearned to bloom, your sister was the tree taking up your sunlight. When a flower doesn’t grow, one shall change the environment it has been planted in, and not the flower itself. The soil must be tilled, weeds should be removed, pests are to be killed, anything unnecessary shall be discarded. You could care less about her silent wails trying to reach across the piece of cloth in her mouth as you dragged her to the basement from under the staircase. Her cries got louder with every step that her head hit down the stairs, across the cold concrete stinging her satiny skin, albeit not enough to cross the walls and reach for help, every second filled you with content; a step closer to the love of your life. 

“Heeseung would never love you,” And silence. The words leave her mouth as soon as you remove the handkerchief. You wanted to hear her beg for her life, to plead forgiveness, to quietly hand over what you wanted if she feared death, but her words come off as a curse, as if she’s trying to anathematise your to-be married life with him, to take away the happiness you’ve been devoid of for years. You could fear her words and the wrath of Gods that may follow along as a consequence of your actions, but you have the desire, and nothing to lose. 

For you have always been a child of war, and Ah-young is simply born with tragedy in her blood. 

The basement served as a cell for solitary confinement for the previous family who lived in the house, for children who displayed unacceptable behaviour and disobeyed their parents, for servants who said more than what was needed, for wives who dared standing on the same level as their husbands. The walls of the house have been renovated over the years, decorated with exquisite wallpapers everytime they have been changed. People fawn upon its beauty, unaware of the secrets it hides deep down below. The walls of the basement have seen a lot over the decades, centuries, even, and the decoloured blood stains on the floor and corners describe each of those stories. One would quiver under the worn out ceiling that feels that it holds eyes and spirits of the dead beyond its arches. Though, Ah-young stares at you with resentment in her stare, one that was filled with hope up until a few minutes ago. 

You could gauge her eyes out, the ones that she’s so proud of, the ones that hold all the memories of Heeseung that should’ve been yours. Or, you could carve her plum skin with incisions and lacerations, painful enough that her soul withers inside, deep enough to leave scars that would make it difficult for anyone to believe she's the daughter of the most beautiful woman in the state. You could do things no one would do to their siblings— the ten year old didn’t know a day like this would come— but some things are inevitable. The scissors are in your hand, she is in front of you, slouched down, hands tied behind her back with wrists that have been bruised by the rope, oh so poor eyes gleaming with pain and hatred wishing they could do something. The scissors are in your hand, and your hand is on her cheek, the cold metal sending shivers down her spine as you run it down her face— the game was yours to play.  

“Hell, you look so much like me, I can’t even kill you,” You whisper close. The scissor is on her neck, it’s as if you could fear her blood rushing through the arteries, right under the skin. You slide it across her throat, pressing it on her collarbones— Ah-young draws in a quick breath— you pierce through her skin, a minute cut, single tear rolling down her cheek that lands on the back of your hand; it feels like you’re killing yourself. “Well, I guess we’ll get to see each other around, yes?” 

You discard the scissor somewhere behind you, taking a few steps back, watching her fall down to the floor, eyes squeezed shut in excruciating pain. It’s nowhere near what you’ve experienced all these years, alone and in regrets, guilt and depreciation, watching the person you love fall in love with someone else. But, love doesn’t ask for sacrifices, for kindness. Love isn’t about letting go, but instead, it’s about holding onto, love is about crossing the limits to prove that you’re deserving of it; because love has always been about the selfishness your heart conceals. You pick up the handkerchief, your sister chanting trails of nos while shaking her head, throwing her leg around frantically to keep you away, but your hand grabs her face, nails digging mercilessly into her skin, enough to draw blood. A moment of silence, ‘stop’ she begs you with her eyes, ‘die’ you tell her with yours, and put the cloth around her mouth, tying it behind her head. 

Tears fall further. Your lips curl up. 

“He’s right, red suits you the best,” You wipe your thumb on her temple, over the loose clot that had formed on her wound. Your smile grows wider, you pluck out the mass of dead cells, letting the pus and blood ooze out as her muffled wails fill the room. Your hands cup her cheeks, a touch of pity, and you lean in towards her forehead, a kiss of death. “Goodnight, dear sister,” 

Perhaps, it’s the game of fates, how destiny plays into the hands of those who continue to fight without fearing the aftermath. The irony of happiness and despair— they go hand in hand. Sunlight graces upon the lands and your handmaidens are ready with everything they need for the bride, not you— Ah-young; unaware of the truth that lies beneath the grounds they walk onto, the truth under the enchanting smile that makes everyone believe in the tricks you’ve played. 

The eyes leave you unattended for minutes and you're on your way to the basement. The air inside smells of urine; your nose scrunches in disgust. A lot could happen in one night, you expected to greet her corpse by dawn, for she has always been as fragile as a dandelion, but you’re met with her exhausted body that dragged itself to the cover, above the dusty rags to save itself from the deadly cold of winter nights. 

“Look at you,” You say it in a way she would’ve said it if she could. It wasn’t intentional, you’ve just always been more like her sister, more than anyone ever knew. A chuckle rolls off your tongue as you walk to her, pulling her rolled up chemise down her thighs, admiring the scratches on her legs that she had gotten while dragging herself over the concrete and the numerous little red spots left by the mosquitos on her arms and feet. Even with chapped lips that beg for water and hands that are tied to even wipe off the nasal discharge off her face, her eyes spell of indignation at the sight of you, brimming with fear and yet so full of anger and detest. The blood had dried off her face, the wound inflicted on her collarbone inflamed to stages it could possibly be home to infections her soul would have never heard of. You could barely say she was your sister, that she was even a part of you, let alone being the splitting image, because you were standing in your best dress while she was lying in the dust that had soaked the blood off the injury on the back of her head. She looks defeated, head hung low, like a pest that had been hunted by the predator and is now ready to be eaten. Her eyes ask a question— why, and nothing more. Perhaps, an answer would help her survive without food and water longer than her body could sustain itself. You take a step towards her, accidently hitting your elbow against the corner of a rusted iron cupboard and wincing in the process. She laughs through the cloth, you restrain yourself from coercing into picking up the scissors thrown around and slitting her face from one end to the other, making sure she smiled forever. 

You grit your teeth, fist closed tight, eyes glaring into her putrid sight. Her condition makes you feel good about yourself, that you don’t need to feel threatened by such lowly lives, until your eyes land onto something shiny on her fingers, and it belongs to you. She needed an answer why, you have nothing to say for she’s smart, except what she used to tell you all the time: 

“The best thing about being identical twins,”— You take her hand, slipping out the engagement ring from her finger before sliding it on your own— “we can switch places and no one would ever know.” 

note : if u made it this far ,, thank u i luv u pls lmk what u think im itching to know 😔

[dapper-zappa]

“She’s Everything. He’s just Stark.” | Tony Stark

Pairing: Tony Stark x Wife!Reader

Summary: Let's see how would it be like if you and Tony saw the Barbie movie together, shall we?

Word count: 597

Warnings: Kinda crack fic so forgive me for that and it being short, banter, references of irl celebs bc I HC that they all exist in the MCU world, Tony being the ideal bf fr, reader can be either an Avenger or civilian up to your interpretation, pretend Endgame, Infinity War, and Civil War never happened, Barbie movie spoilers (don't be like those bfs who are secretly misogynists, y'all)

A/N: Came up with this idea when I was chatting with my friends on Discord and idc what y'all say, Tony would watch Barbie for his gal (and himself) even if ironically his actor is in Oppenheimer 😭

Also I always find the HC that RDJ and Tony coexisting in the MCU to be hilarious bc they're basically lookalikes of each other in my head BAHHAHDSHHFDF

“That was…”

“Amazing. I love how empowering this movie is.” Tony continued, turning away from the screen to face you with the cutest grin ever plastered on his face. 

“Barbie World'' by Ice Spice and Nicki Minaj blared itself inside the theater studio as the credits played on the silver screen. The lights had turned on and people were starting to leave now that the Barbie movie had finished showing, with you and Tony deciding to watch it not just because of the trend, but mostly because of how you really looked forward to that movie before it premiered. While people are leaving, you, your boyfriend, and some others still lingered inside to watch the credits.

You smiled back at him. “I know, right? I never expected a movie about a literal Barbie doll to be this deep, but man, Greta Gerwig did such a fantastic job!” 

He leaned in to give your cheek a kiss. “You know, babe, hearing Gloria’s monologue about women’s struggles made me even more proud of you for being a really strong woman.” he pecked your other cheek. “You’re always there for me and your loved ones, you’re never shy of fighting for your own goodness, and last but not least, being the best wife ever.” 

“Thanks, Tones.” you replied.

“You’re welcome, because I think this is the best movie experience I ever had with my girl. Me watching one of the best movies of this year with my best girl? Yes please!” he exclaimed cheerfully.

Tony Stark might be one of the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, but he’s deep down just a loving man who loved his wife and cared for his friends. He had his own needs and interests, not just him being Iron Man plastered on murals or a kid’s bedroom poster. You, on the other hand, were a woman he admired so much for being an iron-willed woman who dedicated your life to make everyone feel better. After years of dating him, he finally proposed, with the two of you finally tying the knot some time later. 

“Honey?” you asked. 

“What’s up, Mrs. Stark?” 

“I think I know someone who should definitely play another Ken if there’s a sequel.” 

Tony tilted his head and slightly squinted his eyes in suspicion. “Who is it, hmm? You want Steve Rogers to be a Ken? Oh please, you know who’s the better choice.” he smirked playfully. 

“Robert Downey Jr.” you joked. 

“What? Out of everyone in this entire world, you chose someone who looks a lot like me instead of the actual me? The actual Tony Stark? How could you, baby?” he exclaimed, putting his hand on his chest in pretend shock. “Are you saying that you’re taking the ‘She’s everything, he’s just Ken’ thing seriously?” 

A lighthearted laughter escaped your mouth at the sight of your husband’s reaction. “Tony, I’m kidding, okay? Besides, why would I disrespect the man who’s literally boyfriend and husband material? These matching shirts aren’t supposed to be taken seriously! If anything, you’re way better than Ken, baby.” you gestured to the matching t-shirts you both wore. 

On your shirt, it said “She’s everything.” while Tony’s matching one said “He’s just Stark”. It was custom made thanks to the slogan being different and Tony wanted the name to be Stark instead of Ken, much to your dismay but nevertheless you thought he looked great in it. 

“Now that’s the Y/N I know and love.” 

You stood up from your seat and offered your hand to him. “Absolutely. Now let’s go, we have dinner waiting for us.” 

[dragonairice]

LOWKEY BEEN INSPIRED BY @not-sure-what-im-feeling s AWESOME OCS AND LORE (Go check them out)

And it inspired me to talk about MY ocs :D

I mention in passing that I am in fact writing a novel, but I try to avoid saying too much to prevent spoilers buuuuut I think I can keep it vague enough while still rambling <3

The novel (technically a novella) is called 'The Shadow Walker' and here's a draft of a blurb:

With no friends, an absent mom, an abusive dad, and a shadow that inexplicably went missing; Nicholas Walker is convinced his life couldn’t possibly get any worse. But everything changes when he meets something (or someone) who may or may not want him dead.

(Not the best but again it;s a draft)

ANYWAY THIS IS MY BOY NICHOLAS

He's 12 years old and a selective mute and my scrungliest little blorbo who experiences the horrors™. He doesn't have any friends, is neglected by his parents, and all in all has a bad time before the book starts :(

The only source of healthy food in the house (he borrows money from his dad and goes to the store alone) but is severely malnourished from eating nothing more than reheated takeout his dad left in the fridge. Nick doesn't talk verbally unless it's to his dad (out of necessity) and otherwise converses in ASL (which I'm learning for this book <3). Loves pretty buildings and stargazing, has a dream of visiting things like Notre Dame and the colloseum some day and is fascinated by architecture. I just realised that this kid would adore Minecraft but anyway after things get better for him he's given Lego models of like the eiffel tower and he loves them :)

Gonna stop before I spend the entire post talking about my boy and move onto

HIS MOMM

You know that thing that's like, "Not a bad person, just a bad parent"? Yeah. That's her. She ran away from her abusive boyfriend and left Nick behind out of fear, since she didn't know if she could survive by herself, much less with a child in tow. She ends up leaving with her best friend and they travel around the world a lot for their job. They're a musician who plays back up for bands in different places and Rachel ends up learning to play some stuff too after watching them for so long. The two end up dating at some point and they've been together ever since. Rachel still sends Nicholas a postcard every time she travels to a new place, but she doesn't have the courage to actually see him in person yet. Also fun fact. She's descended from a woman who was killed for being a 'witch' during the salem trials. This is relevant to the story :3

Do I have to talk about his dad??? Ughhhhh fine

This is Gregory Walker. I hate him. bye.

Not but fr, he's a terrible father. Works at a convenience store and his co-workers fear him. Lives off of take-out and instant ramen, never checks on his son. Spends all his money gambling and buying alchohol. Literally would not notice if he missed an entire month of his life (*cough* foreshadowing *cough*)

ANYWAY ONTO TWO OF MY FAVOURITES

LEXI AND CHELSEAAA

Lexi is a single mom who grew up kinda spoiled and is still figuring out how to raise a kid. Her parents are kinda helpful about it but also she doesn't want to raise Chelsea how she was raised so hgjhrj. Chelsea was orignally planned to be autistic since this entire book is a transparent cover for neurodivergent rep but the version of her in my head is so very ADHD instead. They only show up near the end of the book so I'm still experimenting with them a bit but Lexi is a huge book worm and Chelsea loves unicorns, like, I mean in the 'mythology is cool way' not the 'stereotypical girl behaviour' way. She does love pink things and sparkles though

THERE IS ANOTHER CHARACTER BUT THEY'RE A SPOILERRRR BUT I WILL JUST SAY THEY ARE NOT HUMAN AND ALSO WHAT THE TITLE OF THE BOOK IS TALKING ABOUT

(It's a sentient shadow, that's- do you get the pun in the name- there's three references in it-)

[the-metal-pixie]

Well, this is me (This got kinda long mb 😭)

Rlly edgy cringe zombie metal fairy sona

Call me pixie, pixette or… I guess spacechild too?

She/her, gay girl, minor, yada yada

Anyways, sometimes I draw for fun and I’m sorta kinda good at it

Glad to be here, lots more fanart coming soon, I’m really grateful for everyone who’s been supporting me <3

I got a lot of really sweet and fun responses bfdsfghitrtgyhcu I don’t deserve this 🫶🫶🫶🫶

Never been in tumblr before so I’m still getting used to this

(No way I’m finishing this drawing- lazy)

Fun(?) facts yay

- I play guitar and violin

- My favorite metal genres are Thrash, power, neoclassical, glam, and recently started listening to death metal

- I have a pretty broad music taste, I have a soft spot for popular, pop if you will, music from the 1920s to 2000s

- I usually dress like I’m allergic to colors but sometimes I need to look like the girliest girl’s girl that ever girled in the world

- I like to pretend I’m this really hardcore stereotypical teen but I couldn’t hurt a fly if I wanted to (being fr rn, it would probably beat me up first)

- I discovered KISS during mid-pandemic but haven’t interacted much with the fandom until beginning of last year (when I started doing fanart). Read my first kiss fanfic at my worst new year all-nighter and haven’t recovered since

- I feel kinda bad for reading/making gay content when I’m not even attracted to men

- When I like something, I try to learn and remember as much as I can about it (I have great memory for these things but horrible for everything else, somehow not failing school)

- Speaking of, here’s some stuff I like (aka things I devote my time and energy to consume and can’t shut up about): Michael Jackson, KISS, the actual fking titanic, Sanrio (DONT LEAVE I promise I’m not one of THOSE people), internet horror, girly things, lost media, old Barbie movies, 2010s YouTube, Monster High g1, attractive women

- RANDOM TANGENT! List of attractive women I find attractive (no particular order except for the first one):

<<WINONA RYDER>>

Joann Jett

Natasha Lyonne

Amy Lee

Hayley Williams

Kristen Stewart

Cyndi Lauper

80s Xuxa

Ann and Nancy Wilson

Ace Frehley

- Favorite movies (Actually in order):

Titanic

But I’m a Cheerleader

Rocky (1976)

Grease (1978)

Wizard of Oz

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

- Ace made me want to pick up a guitar, wow, big deal, so original

- I legit thought he was a girl when I first saw him without makeup (There’s no way I was the only one, or maybe I’m just dumb)

Spacechild lore + Fanfic related stuff at the very end

I talked briefly about this on the previous post, but I have this story on the Spaceman and Starchild that I plan around while I’m sleeping (I don’t have anywhere to write it down but still remember all of it) can’t really explain how my brain works BUUT what I can do is tell you the story!

Since I can’t write, feel free to borrow or steal any of my ideas since I’m probably never using them (unless I decide to make an illustrated novel/webcomic or something, but don’t expect anything from me)

Starchild is a lonely alien living in what’s left of the only planet that used to orbit him before he became a Star being (basically a living star going boom supernova and transforming into a humanoid). His only “company” is a woman who visits him in his dream, to whom he refers to as The Elder (It’s kinda like a parent child relationship, she’s the star that “gave birth” to him, get it? Star-child? I’m really smart, I know). He can see the future but since nothing ever happens to him, there’s nothing to predict… UNTIL

He has a dream about laying down on a dark, grassy field staring up at the sky, as he usually did, but this time, the stars that were always so far away, appeared to be curiously looking back at him, eager to know what was going to happen. Among them, there was a bigger, brighter blue light that appeared to be coming towards him. Scared, he tried to reach out to the elder, but she didn’t answer, right before the light got to him, he woke up

After waking up, Starchild just brushed it off as a strange dream and decided to take a walk. He eventually found himself sitting on a familiar looking field, he looked up, but everything seemed normal except for an unusual light out in the distance who appeared to be getting closer. Is it a shooting star? Is it a spaceship? Is it a… COMET?

It crashed right beside him, and when he opened his eyes, there it was. A frozen ice rock sitting right beside him, but when he looked up at it, there was something, someone sitting on top of it

A strange man looked back at him with a smile

There’s more but It’s not completely set in stone, I just know I want Spaceman to take Starchild to see earth and have fun adventures with him + Catman and Fox

They were really close friends that like to travel together, then one day they got turned into animals by an ankh wizard while visiting Egypt (also not set in stone but I really want Vinnie to make an appearance)

After their shared traumatic experience, they become practically brothers, learning how to live with their powers and animalistic needs

I wanted to maybe add a Demon cameo but idk where he could fit 🤘

FAV FANFIC TROPES LETS GO

- Slow burns

-“There was only one bed”

- Denial

- Found family (if you couldn’t tell by this point)

- Characters with no grasp on social cues

- Height difference

- Hurt Comfort

Other fic ideas I think about but aren’t as developed as the previous one

- Spacechild raising a baby (Would probably take place after the first story if it happens to have a sequel)

- Actual superhero origin stories

- Spaceman accidentally clones himself and ends up with an opposite version of him (Basically Tommy and Ace as some kind of opposite twins)

- Re-writing of kiss meets the phantom (Even though it’s already perfect it the way it is)

- Fox and Catman backstory

This is finally over

It’s the 2nd time I’m writing this thing bcs my dumbass forgot to save it 🫶

Anyways If anyone read this whole thing, thank you

I have no idea how to end this 🤘

[melonteee]

Did Sanji ever find out that Kiku was trans? :o I remember dreading it every week while reading Wano that there would be a scene where he finds out and he would be REALLY weird about it but thank god it never came, I love how Oda handled her character and Sanji! tbh it always felt kind of... ooc for Sanji to be so hateful towards the okamas??? Like especially the gag on FMI where he's terrified when he finds out okamas are the ones donating their blood and I was like bro fr 😬 he's supposed to be kind almost to a fault so to make him have weird scenes where he's just a complete asshole, like towards the okamas, his reactions to Kokoro and Shinobu, like how DARE women be old and not fit his beauty standards (they're too good for him anyway), he still treats them well in the end but man, and especially the scene in Punk Hazard where he was ready to just leave the kids and was like "we can't save everybody" and I was just like ???? WHO is this idk sometimes his character really contradicts itself, I know some of these are supposed to be gags and not taken seriously but ugghhhh

I'll be real anon the notion of "but did he KNOW?" when referring to someone being transgender or not is kind of something uhhh not great? Like it would speak more on Oda's part for there to be a scene where someone goes "Did you know THIS WOMAN was born a MAN" in that weird, negative way. And while there was a tiny scene regarding that, the whole point is it ultimately did not matter who Kiku was in the past and wasn't negative at all. It speaks a LOT more volume that Sanji just accepts Kiku and loves her straight up than there being a whole kind of weird "Does he know?" scene which is inherently transphobic in itself. I believe it was extremely purposefully done for Kiku to be fully accepted and loved as she presents herself - and any and all transphobic ideas or jokes regarding her have ALL come from a disgusting side of the fandom and doesn't exist at ALL in the canon material. I understand a lot of people do not like Sanji in regards to past behaviour and jokes, but there has been significant growth in both his character and Oda's writing regarding these topics.

Ultimately, I understand why people gritted their teeth at Sanji being around Kiku, but I feel it's nothing short of fantastic to have Sanji just call her beautiful and powerful and NOTHING else is said or done there. And while he also was AWOOGA with Yamato, he didn't question nor be repulsed at Yamato calling himself Kaido's son, just happily accepted it along with everyone else lmao.

Punk Hazard was also previously weird with his character for me, but upon re-watching the scenes and him discussing with Nami about how they don't actually KNOW what's happening and they didn't HAVE a safe place to help these kids get to, I understand why he was hesitant to help them. He was putting mind over emotion there, but ofc Sanji is still ultimately swayed by emotions of wanting to help Nami and also helping the kids lol.

Also lest I remind you EVERYONE was repulsed at Kokoro in a really negative way lmao, that wasn't just a Sanji bit which was overall urghh in itself. But again it feels as if the writing has matured as Sanji was taken in by conventionally unattractive women in Wano, which BROOK called monsters/ghosts, and Sanji was CRAZY about them HHH.

This is all a big discussion to have and I've had it again and again, especially in my LGBT video. But the tldr is yes, Sanji has done questionable things by Oda's hand, but there's a very clear growth in his writing that I feel is unfair to ignore at the current time.

[cisthoughtcrime]

Girl, so, I am also a lover of all things gay history and I saw your post talking about how Sappho was a lesbian. And while I totally agree, there is another poem of hers that people use to claim she is bisexual entitled "Of course I love you", what are your thoughts about it?

Ah, thank you for bringing this up! This requires a bit of a lengthy grammar dive, so I’m adding a cut:

It took me a while to find which poem you meant; I'm used to refering to them by number (the 'titles' in English are just the first line of the poem), and at first I could only find this one in English with no number. It turns out that the 'title' of this one is hard to connect to a numbered poem because it's actually two poems mushed together by a translator who thought they might be related (so the starting line/title 'Of course I love you' is a theory that many people reject):

^ This review provides the Edmonds translation as a contrast to Barnard's, and you can see one translates it as "I cannot submit to live with one that is younger than I" and the other translates it as "I couldn't stand it to live with a young man, I being older". For another conrasting example, Russell translates this part as “I will not suffer to live with you, as an old woman with a young man.” If you're trying to use this poem to talk about ancient Greek attitudes towards marriage, for example, it makes a big difference whether Sappho is saying "stand it" or "submit to it" or “suffer it” or something else, so it's necessary to go directly to the Greek text and understand Sappho's own word choice rather than interpreting the word choices of the modern translators. 

Part of the difficulty with ‘going directly to the Greek text’ for Sappho is that the text only survives in fragments, multiple versions of some of the poems survive, and she wrote in a very specific dialect of ancient Greek with lots of grammatical irregularities. 

This particular fragment of Sappho (numbered: Lobel-Page fr. 121; Cox 72) has all of these difficulties:

I know this is an eyeful, but bear with me. At the top in the two black boxes, there are two different versions of the Greek text (Cox 1924 on the left, Campbell 1982 on the right; the differences are underlined in red). Underneath each box, I’ve made the different Greek texts bigger and put the English meaning in red underneath each Greek word. Some words have multiple meanings; as an example, I underlined one in green and put its many meanings in the green box at the bottom left. On the bottom right, I’ve done four different English translations of the poem; when you compare them to the red word-by-word English vocab, you can see that all of these translations had to massage the Greek meaning to make it make sense in English, but fundamentally they’re all conveying the same thing. 

In both versions of the Greek, Sappho is talking to a male addressee (we can tell because the word φίλος, ‘friend’, is masculine). Typically, this poem is interpreted as Sappho rejecting this guy's marriage proposal and telling him it’s because he’s younger than her. Even just from that, it doesn’t make sense to use this as proof of Sappho’s bisexuality -- all she really says here is that she doesn’t want to marry this guy and she doesn’t want to marry anyone younger than her. She says nothing about who she would want to marry. Even if the Greek very clearly said 'young man' in the last line, it would still be describing someone she wouldn't marry. Some people infer Sappho's bisexuality from this because she says that his age is the reason for her rejection, not his sex. However, that's not the same as saying age was the only reason; age was just the justification she gave here in a short fragmentary poem. It looks like she's letting him down gently, calling him a friend, appealing to his fondness for her in order to convince him to pursue someone else, citing his youth (a positive trait that won't insult him and isn't criticism) as why she wouldn't marry anyone his age (so it's not personal). The core gist of the poem is Sappho saying politely that she's too old to be interested in a young man like him, or any young man for that matter, so he should go off and find some nice young woman to consummate his marriage with, because she herself could never suffer doing that with a man... because she's older, of course 👀.

The hypothetical 'young man' (again, whom she says she wouldn't marry) only appears in the version of the Greek I've taken from Cox 1924. The important word here is νεῳ (literally '[with a] young [one]’). νέος/νέα/νέον (masculine/feminine/neuter) is an adjective meaning 'young' or 'new'. Adjectives can usually stand alone in Greek because their number and gender can imply a noun without having to say it; as an example in English, think about The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (you don't need to say 'the good [men, people, guys, characters, cowboys]' or whatever to know that they are using these adjectives to mean nouns). Greek adjectives and nouns change the way they look depending on their gender, number, and 'case' (what their role in the sentence is), so using adjectives to act as nouns is a bit clearer: for example, ἀνήρ καλός can mean 'handsome man' but just saying the masculine adjective καλός means 'handsome [male thing]', thus implying 'handsome [man]' on its own without needing ἀνήρ.

Here are all the singular forms for νέος:

As you can see, νεῳ could be either singular masculine dative or singular neuter dative; the forms of the word look the same in this case. In the previous image, I offered four translations of the poem; translations 2 and 3 of those four include the word νεῳ and show how it could be translated as 'young partner', 'young man (masculine)', 'young marriage-bed (neuter)', 'young one', or just generally vaguely 'young [thing]'. If Sappho had instead used νέᾳ here to specify that she didn't want to marry a young woman, it would screw up the connection between this clause and the first clause; it'd be like saying "I won't marry you (male) because I don't want to marry a younger woman".

Instead, she either says "I will not subject myself (οὐ τλάσομ) to joining housholds (ξυνοίκην) with a young [man] (νεῳ, masculine)" (the more likely version) or "I will not subject myself (οὐ τλάσομ) to joining households (ξυνοίκην) with a young/new [marriage-bed] (νεῳ, neuter)" (the less likely version). In the less likely version, the neuter νεῳ invokes the most recent neuter noun, which here is λέχος (marriage-bed); this would mean that she tells him to find a newer marriage bed (λέχος νεώτερον), then tells him she doesn't want a new one [marriage bed] (νεῳ [λέχει]). Either way, there's nothing here that indicates Sappho's romantic interest in men other than that she might have only said she would hate to marry a young man.

In the other version of the Greek, the Campbell 1982 one on the right side of the earlier image, you can see that the final line does not even have the word νεῳ; without that word, Sappho just says that she doesn't want to get married while being the older partner. I'm also more inclined to trust this version of the Greek text because it's the one the Loeb Library chose for its edition, but since the other version has νεῳ and that's relevant to your ask, I figured I'd just go through both like this. I'm sure there are also other versions of the Greek text with slight tweaks and variations, but νεῳ is the only variation I know about that could conceivably be used for a bisexuality argument.

Anyway, hope that answers your question enough. Happy to field follow-ups if you have 'em :)

[darklight-owl]

I'm finally free from The Horrors so I'll take the time to write all my impressions from the new trailer. Tldr:

NWOS LOOKS REALLY GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!

This is gonna be a long post I've been thinking about that trailer all day

Like. Fr. The Vision pretty much cleared any doubt in my mind I had about this game. It's made with so much love and passion and just oozes charm and creativity just like Layton games we know and love. Also Steam Bison might be my favorite town yet. You're telling me these mfs have mechanical animals for HOUSES? THAT'S. SO. COOL.

SPEAKING OF STEAM BISON WE HAVE MORE LORE ON IT. It's a relatively new town created by some inventor person called Eggmuffin (who I will get into later because I am really excited to talk about Eggmuffin.)

The music is SOOOO NICE. Is it just me or is there more guitar and brass than in other games? (I'm not good at telling brass instruments apart... is that a trumpet?) I like the combo a lot, it's very lonely but soothing :3

The gameplay largely looks the same (which I'm kinda grateful for, if it aint broke don't fix it lol) except the cute little "in party" sprites seem to have been replaced by the characters standing in the foreground. I don't mind the change, it works well with the switch's single screen. Also it lends way to some really quality memes.

Also there's puzzles in the overworld now!! WHICH IS SOMETHING I'VE WANTED IN LAYTON SINCE THE START🥳

Clearly this is a decision made solely to appeal to ME. Which is understandable since I am the lead writer for this game. Sorry for keeping it a secret so long, my boss wanted to announce my involvement in the Vision but decided against it last minute since I keep leaking stuff on Discord.

Ok enough memeing LET'S TALK EGGMUFFIN. They haven't been shown yet only mentioned by name. While the subtitles refer to them with he/him pronouns it might be a translation thing since from what little japanese I know everyone referred to them with gender neutrality. I'M REALLY HOPING SHE ISN'T A DUDE. (I use whatever pronouns i feel like for Eggmuffin she is a blank slate rn) it would be SO cool to have some enby or woman representation!!! Also you can BET YOUR ASS I'M DRAWING THEM SHE'S SHOWING UP IN THE VILLAIN FLORA AU

FINALLY THE VISUALS

THE PUZZLE SOLVING ANIMATION. IT'S SO. CUTE.

LAYTON HAS VISIBLE TEETH ON HIS MODEL. HIS MOUTH IS NOW 3D AND HE CAN EAT SOLID FOODS.

LOOK AT MY SON BOY. HE CROSS-EYED.

ALSO IS IT JUST ME OR DID HIS VOICE CRACK A FEW TIMES??? THAT'S SO CUTE. MY BOY IS GROWING UP I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING.

Anyway I'm gonna go draw Eggmuffin as a milf now. See ya.

[daydreamslikewaves]

Every reaction I had while watching Fast and Furious (2009)

- Dom, my guy, why do you always send your insanely amazing gf to do the hardest part of the job?

- Why they all be dressed like they’re running a Persil ad in that post-oil-stealing celebration scene

- Re: Dom leaving Letty while she sleeps: I ask - and fear this will not be the last time I do so - why are men like this?

- (and why is it these sorts of men that I have the hots for???)

- Jesus h Christ does poor Michelle Rodriguez have to die in every single franchise she’s in (yes I know she comes back but still)

- Omg baby Gal Gadot 🥺

- …did Brian apologise to his car in the race for the spot on Bragas’ crew?

- The scene where Dom is describing what he likes in a woman to Giselle and it basically being so specifically about Letty 🥲🥲

- Without doxxing myself, one of the cars in this film is actually owned by a guy who lives near my house (true story)

- This film makes me so proud to love Corona haha

- Tbf Dom’s reaction to finding out Letty was working for Brian all along is fair af. And also that’s a heartbreaking twist 🥲

- Poor Giselle having an unrequited crush on Dom lol, she really be like 🤩🤩🤩. She’s a real one tho and I hear she’s returning so she better be in some scenes with my ride-or-die (Letty, incase anyone doubted I was referring to her)

- Why does Brian always stand like 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️

- Oh shiiiiiii I didn’t see that Braga twist coming

- Can just imagine Dom being in the garage like 😐 while his sister gets it on with Brian in their kitchen. I do actually love Brian/Mia tho

- Felix deserved that awful death fr fr

- Dom getting sentenced to 25 years 😭😭😭 Dom hearing Brian and co. Coming up behind the jail bus 😏😏😏

Overall honestly a great watch, not as iconic as the first (I seriously think the first could be considered a cult film), but still love the vibe even though it’s all unrealistic af lol. But they need to bring Letty back right now 😡

[bluenpjm]

HORUS ACADEMY CH.5 !

— to the writers @singguks @socksjini @bluenpjm, our comments and theories (MIGHT CONTAIN SPOILERS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)

from @magicshopew: the ending was a HUGE cliff for me !! and this time around i have no clue to who elena is going to point out to be you !! i agree that tzuyu was very extra shady in that library scene .. but i doubt that if, BIG IF, you is indeed her, she would do it all by herself . 

onto the fights because omg i lost my sh*t over the ones we got this chapter - someone protects our baby JK !! he wasnt ready for that throw down kajhjkjshd elena was feral and kaya girl o-o i didnt know you had it in you !! freya and namjoon were juggling like clowns jhdsj it was too funny omg 

jin bestie .. i love you . what to even say !! i was living my best life every time he made an intervention jskhdak 

pairings - sh*t will hit the fan if freya doesnt tell her secret to our homeboy JK let me just say !! their scenes were precious and i was in rage when mingyu showed instead .. kaya girl again .. OMG !! the library scene once again got me »»» and we all know what ship is sailing when it comes to tae ajhdsgkagd 

* additional * was it only me or anyone missed archie as well ? i was waiting for drama boy-ihhh kjashdkjahds 

from @dropsofjoonpiter: ok i actually suck when trying to guess who the culprit is. but i do feel in my gut it's not tzuyu the real you... LISTEN! i know, she's sus, but i feel she is an informant? for the real you. and my best guess is the real you is from that little group that got jungkook tied to the tree! 

i won't even say much about this chapter be the bomb because cmon. it was so well written! the fights seemed real. i could actually picture the whole thing as if i was a student in horus kkkkkk 

my fave this chapter got to be either jimin whining all the time and uhm??? breaking a lamp!!! OR yoongi was pretty badass and funny kkkk not him telling on tae kkkkkkk 

the romance was over the roof period. i don't even have a fave, they all served different things for me and i'm here for it 🤍

from @rcseluv: I AM SHOCKED. that's my take on this chapter. 

like Kook points out I don't even want to know who You is. I just want to know when are they all dating!!!!! 

if I was studying there, I'd be checking my socials every second and I would thrive liking Elena's responses ahahah if I was in their shoes I don't think I would have the courage though! just imagine the whole school knowing stuff about you? yikes! 

and I really think Tzuyu could be You. she is roommates with Freya right? it's really possible. and the way she looked at Namjoon with Kaya!!! that was creepy af. 

Jimin and the teacher got me on nerves as soon as I started reading. I don't like Miss Bellum no matter how much he comes to her rescue... Mingyu was cute but eh... I'd rather ship Freya with Yoongi if Kook isn't her endgame. 

MAZE SCENE got me cryingggg! they are precious together. I'm happy I was right about Kaya's ship ahaha the tea reference... Ugh! perfect together. 

and can we talk about how everyone was running from Tae this chapter? ahahaahah I died. Elena was the only one hanging with him!!! even Freya was like omg my twin is too much ahahahahahaha 

from @investigativelewis: You're hearing from me first but now that I think about it Tzuyu is not YOU. 

What if Miss Bellum is the one?! I bet on her or Bambam. Because picture this: Miss Bellum was with Jimin the whole time apparently (ew.) and we all know Jimin is a lose mouth (well I'm assuming) so I don't know... Maybe I just don't trust the woman. But for Bambam it actually makes sense. He did do that thing with Jk and then when the fight started between Jimin and Archie he was the one inciting the whole thing... And Tzuyu is from his gang, that was written so. 

Apart from that, the writting was ten out of ten. The fights were amazing!!! And I really wish we could get a tv series out of this because I pictured the whole school and it seems DREAMYYYYY! I can't stop myself from imagining cute dates between them... And the girls running away from Horus? Omg. They for sure know all the cool spots there, as confirmed by our queen Kaya. 

I just loved this chapter too much! Made me want to go back to school myself ahaha didn't you feel that? That scene where they are all dozing off and then someone picks up their phone is just a throw back to my days in school. It was really nice! 

from @narimiese: I am so~ lost after this one. Omo. I really thought you would be Archie,, but after this chapter Im not so sure anymore~

But thats not the important part 🤣🤣 What matters is when all the ships will be sailing~ One is! But the other two are rocky,,,, I really liked seeing Kaya and Joon~ They were too cute with each other! I fear for Hobis reaction but he will have to take it as it is I dont care~ 🤣

The tea scene was really really cute. I loved it~ And Freya omo... I was so sad for her after classes,, She seems to connect so well with Jeongguk and he doesnt move! Its frustrating~ 🤣

Elena was not having it,, And I really liked her part with Yoongi~! 

Do you think Archie will let that thing at the games just be..? I was waiting him going after the Wolves 🤔

ADD YOUR THOUGHTS HERE IN THE COMMENTS ( IF YOU WANT TO ) 

↓ ↓ ↓

[wrathfulrook]

Honesty and Obedience

John x Deputy OC (Patience)

Rating: E

Word count: ~4.6k

Summary: Six months ago, Patience was a junior deputy fighting a cult. Yesterday, she was a woman trapped underground with three men who hated her as much as she hated them. Today, she was an omega, desperate to find a mate before it was too late.

A/N: Yeah it’s an a/b/o fic. But fuck it, I write for me! :)

Read it on ao3 here!

Junior Deputy Patience Ekner or, more accurately, former junior deputy, hadn’t nested in years. She’d been on suppressants for years, and omegas only really nested when in heat. Or under extreme stress. To be fair, Patience had been under extreme stress since the onset of the Reaping just over a year ago. But since the Reaping began, she had been practically homeless. She’d had nowhere to nest and never stopped moving long enough to make one. Since the Collapse six months ago, the stress had been nigh on unmanageable, but she didn’t dare nest. Even when her every instinct was begging her to. She couldn’t be caught nesting. Not now. Not when she was trapped underground with the Seed brothers. Three alphas who really did not like her. Three alphas who, thanks to her suppressants, did not know she was an omega.

But now she nested. She took all the stressed out energy she’d bottled up since that helicopter went down and poured it into this nest, hoping for finally a shred of comfort. She climbed into it, burrowing beneath covers, but didn’t get much comfort. How could she? The nest was made only of the flat pillow and thin blankets that were stored in the bunker, and her own clothes. It lacked softness and safety, the scents of her loved ones. She didn’t even know if her friends and family were still alive.

So she burrowed in her nest and tried to take what little comfort she could. Because it didn’t matter now if she was found out.

She didn’t have much time left.

Before she was found out, that is. Not that she hadn’t seriously considered suicide.

But no. She’d decided to go forward. So, with time running out, she took in a shaky breath and stood. She looked in the mirror, tousling her hair and pinching her cheeks for color. No matter how horrible she felt, she had to look good. Attractive. Enticing.

The rest of her life depended on this.

Patience was as confident as she was ever going to be – very little, so she left her room and travelled across the cold but surprisingly large bunker, dread spreading through her with each step that took her closer to her fate. After steeling herself to turn the final corner, she was confronted with the broad back of Jacob Seed. He and his younger brother were chatting amiably. She even caught a chuckle from Jacob, a sound so unfamiliar it was almost frightening.

Despite the oddness of the situation, she squeezed in beside the soldier, as close to the doorway as she could get with him leaning against the doorframe. John noticed her first, looking at her with almost disinterest from his place perched on his bed. Following his gaze, Jacob noticed her as well and fell silent.

Patience opened and shut her mouth in an attempt to speak before actually succeeding. Her eyes not leaving John’s, she asked, “Could you give us a moment to speak privately, Jacob? Please?”

“Please?” he scoffed. Whether in surprise or mocking, Patience wasn’t sure. But he did go, leaving her to step into the room and shut the door behind her.

Leaving her alone with John.

The room reeked of his scent, and her knees almost buckled at the onslaught of rain and spice assaulting her senses. Fresh and light, but with a note of darkness weaving itself underneath. She’d always thought his scent suited him.

“Deputy.”

“Patience,” she corrected him. Given the nature of her visit, she didn’t think she’d be able to stomach him referring to her with the obsolete title she’d long insisted he use.

John’s eyebrows theatrically shot up. “Patience, is it now? We’re suddenly on a first name basis?”

She sat in the room’s one chair, across from his place on the bed, and said, “I thought it’d be best, given the conversation I want to have.”

“Color me intrigued, Patience.” The way he spoke her name sounded absolutely lascivious. “Are we finally confessing?”

“No, at least, not like you mean…”

John quirked an eyebrow with a small smirk. “But you are confessing something?”

He was enjoying this. He didn’t even know what was happening, didn’t know just how far she was about to fall, how her life was changing on a scale comparable to the Collapse. He just saw her obvious anxiety, sensed how powerless she felt, and loved it.

Patience swallowed thickly to buy herself another moment to build up her courage, and spoke. “As I’m sure you know, I’m on suppressants.”

She glanced up to gauge his reaction so far. He had none, but eventually nodded at her to continue.

“Right, well, I’ve been on suppressants for years, but when the Collapse came, and we went underground, it was all so sudden. All I had was my backpack, which was fine I guess, because basically everything I owned was in there, but-“ Patience paused, realizing she was rambling. She took a deep breath before continuing, looking down at her lap instead of forward at John. “I had about a six month supply, but it’s out. I took my last suppressant late last night, so come-“

“You what?” John suddenly shot up, towering over her seated position, rage alight in his eyes.

Patience was confronted by the scarred and tattooed expanse of his skin, as it was getting late and he wore only a loose fitting pair of flannel pajama pants. She leaned back as far as the chair allowed to look up as his face, twisted in anger.

“Why wouldn’t you wean yourself off of them? Quitting suppressants cold turkey after years? Within a few hours you’ll be thrown into an overwhelming rut without any omegas around! In confined quarters with three other alphas! You’ve put us all in a fucked up situation! What is wrong with you?” he seethed.

She scented the rage he was pushing at her and that, along with his yelling, was enough to spring tears to her eyes that she had to quickly blink away. Her hormones were already pushing through, it seemed. She spoke again, nonetheless.

“No, uh, actually, that won’t be a problem. Going into rut, I mean. I’ll actually go into- into heat.”

John stopped his anxious pacing and stared at her, open-mouthed in surprise. She would’ve enjoyed that in any other scenario. As it was, she wanted to skip the shock and move on to the problem solving portion of this conversation.

“I know everyone thought I was an alpha, and obviously, I let them think that. But I’m not. And when the last of the suppressants leave my system, I’ll be thrown into a dangerously strong heat. In confined quarters with three alphas. All of whom hate me.”

She almost hoped he would correct her on that last point, but he just continued to gape at her like some kind of fish.

“I’m not stupid enough to think I can make it through the next six and half years down here without being,” she paused to think of the best word before settling for diplomacy, “claimed. And, before I went into heat, I wanted a chance to choose for myself. So, if you’ll have me, I’m choosing you.” She subtly stuck her chest out as she finished speaking, remembering to make herself as appealing as possible, determined to have some sort of say in her own fate.

And then, John laughed.

He laughed, genuinely, from deep in his belly. It was a sound of pure delight. And now it was Patience’s turn to be stunned into silence. She wasn’t sure what she expected, really. Her worst fears were either being claimed roughly and immediately, or being outright rejected. She hadn’t expected this. But she probably should have.

He bent down in front of her, bringing them to eye level with one another, and put his hands on the arms of the chair, trapping her. He grinned widely.

“Oh, Patience,” he laughed.

Yes, she should’ve expected a reaction like this from him. John was a sadist first and a human being second. Of course he’d be gleeful at the prospect of dominating her, controlling her, owning her. Of course he’d love the idea of his enemy, once so proud and powerful, demurely  asking to be mated by him. She had no cards to play here, and he knew it.

“You want to be my omega, hm? You want me to mate you?” he asked, grinning like a snake oil salesman. Though he couldn’t yet scent the fear rolling off her in waves, he could see it in her eyes. And he loved it. “Tell me, why should I?”

Patience felt her brows furrow in confusion. This isn’t what she’d expected at all.

He chuckled lowly as he pushed himself back up, crossing the small bedroom to lean back against the wall, looking down at her.

“We have a few hours until the suppressants leave your system, right? So, tell me why you picked me. There are two other alphas down here, so why are you here asking for my knot instead of one of my brothers’?” She winced at his vulgarity, but if he noticed, he didn’t care. “You want to be my omega? Convince me,” he hissed.

The fucking bastard. Here she was, offering herself up on a silver platter for this unhinged, murderous asshole, and it wasn’t enough. He wanted her to audition. He wanted her to beg.

Patience wanted to lash out, to slap him, to storm out of this room and call his bluff, taking her chances and letting whichever Seed was fastest and strongest have her. But, as good as it might feel in the moment, there was a decent chance she’d regret it for the rest of her life. So, instead, she took a calming breath and leveled her gaze to meet his.

“I’ve been thinking about this for six months, John. I’ve considered every outcome of every choice I could make here. I am asking you to mate me. If you say no, there are two other alphas for me to turn to.” The words sounded more threatening than she’d meant them to, but maybe that was good thing.

The slimy smile never left his face. “Yes, there are. But you aren’t in either of their rooms, little sinner. You’re here in mine. Why? I expect obedience and honesty from my mate.”

She felt her heart race. Once her claimed her, he could just force her to obey. She knew that. But hearing it aloud…

“You said you’d given it a lot of thought. What thoughts?”

You sit down and we talk.

This very much felt like a confession. And John was a practiced confessor. He’d get the truth from her eventually, even if it was simply in a few hours, when her heat made her desperate for his direction.

It didn’t matter why, really, so why not tell him? She wanted to be honest with him. More accurately, she wanted to want to be honest with him.

She wanted to have a real relationship. She wanted to want to grow to love him.

“Answer me.”

So she did. “There were lots of little reasons, I guess. A few big ones, too.”

He nodded for her to continue, his smile gone and his face blank.

Honesty. He wanted honesty. Maybe honesty would work.

“Primarily, because I thought you’d be the most likely to say yes. Because you’re possessive.”

Because he’d be least likely to share her. He’d be less likely to use her during her heats or his ruts and cast her aside to then be used by his brothers. He’d want to be the only one to have her. The only one to fuck anyone for the next six and half years.

His eyes narrowed and she was quick to placate him.

She looked up at him submissively through her lashes as she spoke. “But that’s not the only reason obviously. I had to consider…” she trailed off.

“You had to consider what? Tell me. Honesty and obedience,” he reiterated.

Patience nodded and swallowed. “Pups. I had to consider pups. I needed to choose a father, not just a mate.”

A small smile formed on his face and a wave of relief rushed through her. Good. She was doing good. Honesty.

“Joseph killed his own child already.” She began to speak quickly to cut off his impending accusation of blasphemy. “I know the Voice commanded it, but it still gives me pause. You can understand as a potential mother how that worries me?”

He nodded slowly. “Yes. I understand. The Father has many to attend to. Perhaps God would not want him to have another child, and would make the same command again.”

She nodded. They didn’t need to agree on the specifics. Just that Joseph might not be the best father, lowercase f.

“And I don’t share Jacob’s beliefs in social Darwinism. What if I had his child and it was imperfect in some way?” She didn’t complete the thought, not wanting to state outright to this quick-to-anger alpha that his brother would needlessly kill a child. Still, John knew what she was saying, and he didn’t much like it.

“Jacob wouldn’t want to spend limited resources on a weak child that wouldn’t be able to survive and thrive in New Eden. I can see where, as that child’s mother, you may not like it, but the reasoning is sound,” he stated, his voice hard. “Tell me, how would that be worse than how you killed many of our flock? How you killed my sister?”

Fear rolled through her body at the scent of anger filling the room. This isn’t how this was supposed to go.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and found herself meaning it. Because, in the end, none of those deaths, even Faith’s, had made a bit of difference. And anyone who survived the initial bombing had one less bunker to flee to.

Her genuine apology eased his anger a bit, and she continued. “I just meant that out of your brothers, you seemed like the best choice of a father.”

And he did, much to her chagrin. This sadist, who tortured her, tortured her friends, and may very well end up torturing his own children one day, was the best option available to her. She’d likely carry his pups. When she’d first come to that conclusion, she almost became ill.

“Is that it?” he prompted.

If she closed her eyes, Patience could imagine that they were in his bunker, that she was tied to this chair, and that he paced before her brandishing a knife. But her eyes were open, and he still leaned back against the wall, and she was still technically here of her own free will.

“You’re closest in age to me.”

He hummed in response. “And that matters to you?”

She nodded. “Alphas and omegas have been known to die of grief when their mate dies. Jacob is almost twenty years older than me, and Joseph is only a few years younger than that. Choosing one of them could be like cutting my life expectancy down by years.” She’d initially had trouble deciding if that was a pro or con, before ultimately deciding against it.

John snorted out laugh. “That really only applies to mates who genuinely loved their late partner.”

Patience dropped her gaze back down to her lap. She wished she’d waited longer before coming to him. But she’d waited as long as she though was safe. If she was on the brink of heat, there was a risk of being found by another Seed brother first. But, on the other hand, if she smelled good enough when she came to John, he may have claimed her immediately upon her asking. She wouldn’t have had to go through this.

“Ohhh,” he crooned, glee once again evident in his voice. “But that’s what you want, isn’t it? The big bad deputy wants to fall in love and live happily ever after, hm? You just want to be a pretty little omega for your alpha, being fucked and bred and kept?”

He laughed like it was absurd, and six months ago, before the Collapse, it would have been. But that was before. When she had options. She wasn’t lying when she’d told John she spent the past six months analyzing her choices. And as it stood, her choices boiled down to killing herself, getting used as little more than a shared toy for the next six and half years, or being claimed. And if she was claimed, her options were happiness or unhappiness.

“Is that so bad?” she eventually asked. “I don’t have a lot of choices, here. I’d rather try to make  this work than, than-“ she trailed off looking for the right word. She couldn’t find it, but, basically, she’d rather try than not try. She had nothing else to lose.

John laughed again. Not maliciously at her, she didn’t think, but rather joyfully at his own fortune. His enemy was going to belong to him. He’d bring her into the flock, just like Joseph wanted. From where he stood, everything was looking up.

“Alright, Patience. Is that it? You liked your chances. You liked your pups’ chances. I’m the youngest brother. Anything else?”

Honesty. She needed him to say yes. She’d laugh at the role reversal in any other scenario.

Honesty. “My reasons weren’t all strictly practical,” she admitted. “…I’m most attracted to you. And your scent is the most appealing. It’s like rain and spice.”

She felt her cheeks heat at the admission. She’d once confessed that she found John attractive to Sharky, who was so drunk that he fell over from laughing. He admitted he could see the appeal, but still mocked her relentlessly for weeks. Simpler times. Better times.

John didn’t laugh at her, though. Instead, the scent of pleased alpha was pushed toward her, and she felt almost dizzy from the intoxicating wave of it. Either being in such a confined space with his scent was affecting its potency, or her final dose of suppressant was starting to wane.

John crossed the small space quickly and pulled her from the chair before she could register what had happened. With his hands firmly on her hips, he pulled her body against his, the bare skin of his torso pressed firmly against her back. He brought his lips to her ear, his rough facial hair scratching the sensitive skin. She shuddered. In either fear or lust, she couldn’t tell. If John decided to mate her, the two would likely be linked in her mind forever.

“You want to be my omega?” He lowered his nose to her scent gland, and she found herself baring her neck, submitting to his inspection of her. He inhaled deeply and she felt her nipples stiffen against the dark fabric of her tank top while warmth pooled low in her belly. “Yes. We can do that.” He licked a stripe up her neck, across her scent gland, in a lewd promise of what was to come.

“John-“ she began, but he ignored her, trailing a hand up her body to finger at the black choker she wore around her neck.

“And you’ve already collared yourself for me like a good little omega. Good.”

She almost collapsed at his praise, and she found herself confused by her own reaction. Her heat was just barely starting to come on, for the first time in years, making her thoughts too foggy to even realize that’s what was happening.

“Your scent is still too dull. Go take a hot shower. Scalding.”

Her brow furrowed and she began to argue. “But I-“

He silenced her with a sharp nip to the shell of her ear. “Honesty and obedience,” he reminded her in a low whisper. “You’ve been very honest for me, but now it’s time to obey. Go shower. Sweat out the last of your suppressants.”

Patience nodded dumbly as he pushed her toward the small bathroom attached to the back corner of his room. She shut the door behind herself and turned the water on, as hot as it would go, trapping the steam in the small room. She whipped off her clothes as quickly as possible, kicking her pajama shorts and tank top into a corner. She debated whether or not to take off her choker – John had expressed his admiration for it – before ultimately deciding to take it off and throw it onto the pile. She didn’t want it to get in the way of a claiming bite.

At the thought of a claiming bite on her neck, a wave of heat coursed through her gut, followed immediately by a sharp cramp that almost brought her to her knees. She gasped at the feeling, aching and empty, and yet so painful.

It was only then that she realized the suppressants were leaving her body and her heat was starting. She found herself wanting to be claimed, not dreading it as she had been when walking to his room.

She stepped under the hot water and scrubbed her skin raw with a loofah that smelled too much like soap and not enough like John. And at the thought of John, waiting for her just outside the door, slick leaked out of her, more slippery than the scalding water trailing down her nude form. A harsh wave of cramping accompanied the slick, and she almost cried out. It was too much, had been too long. It was so much worse than she remembered. She needed it to stop. She needed John to fuck the pain away.

As if summoned by her thoughts, the alpha entered the bathroom, and Patience barely bit back a moan at the thought of him joining her under the spray. But instead of joining her, his tattooed arm entered the shower and turned the dial off. She stood dripping wet before him as he stepped onto the slippery tile and buried his face in her neck again.

This time as he inhaled her scent, she felt him grow hard, his flannel covered dick digging into her hip. She whined at the sensation.

He pulled back and smiled brilliantly at her. “Greed is a sin, omega.”

She nodded dumbly in agreement, shaking drops of warm water from her hair.

“You smell much better, now. Absolutely irresistible.”

And then his lips were on hers, dominating her. He bit at her soft lower lip, smiling when she yelped in pain. She granted his tongue entry when it was requested. He kissed her like he was devouring her, conquering this woman who had long been a thorn in his side. And she loved it.

“Please,” she begged as the cramping sensation overcame her again. “Please, John. It hurts.”

“Shhh,” he soothed her with a self-satisfied grin on his face. “I’m here.”

Harshly kissing her again, he guided her out of the bathroom and towards the bed. She left droplets of water in their wake, but neither of them noticed or cared. When she was close enough, he roughly shoved her back onto the bed. Before she had even settled, he pulled his pants down, shucking them out of the way. He wore nothing underneath and stood bare before her, proud and leaking.

He pumped his dick once in his hand and Patience let out an appreciative moan at the sight of him. He smiled down at her, still fully in control of himself, and asked, “Like what you see?”

“Yes,” she whined, drawing out his favorite word and coaxing a moan from him in return.

“Then present for your alpha.”

She wasted no time in flipping herself over onto her elbows, lowering her head and raising her ass, giving him a clear view of her slick, aching cunt.

John knelt behind her, dragging the head of his dick through her folds. It was simultaneously too much and not enough. The sensation was overpowering but she still ached so strongly. She needed him inside her or she felt she was going to die.

“Please, alpha, fuck me, please!” she sobbed.

“Oh, Patience, you beg so beautifully.”

With that, he hilted himself inside of her. He groaned appreciatively at the feeling of her clenching hot and tight around him, while she cried out in relief at finally being filled. He gave her almost no time to adjust before he was thrusting in and out of her rapidly, one hand gripping her hip tight enough to bruise, the other pushing her upper back down, keeping her pinned where he wanted her.

As he moved in and out of her, Patience’s whole world narrowed to the feeling of him dragging against her walls, chasing away the pain and replacing it with a glorious building warmth. A particularly rough thrust had her jolting forward, eyes rolling back.

John laughed out loud, and she found herself absolutely enamored with the sound. She’d do anything to hear it again, and so she pushed roughly back into him. Fucking herself onto him, chasing her own pleasure and desperate for his.

Patience realized she was babbling incoherently, a nonsensical mixture made of mostly John, alpha, and please. She replaced the babbling as she got closer and closer to the edge, burying her face into the sheets below her.

“’M gonna come,” she whined, fucking herself faster onto him.

“No,” he snarled, digging his nails into the soft flesh of her hip. “You wait for your alpha. You come when you’re told!”

Heat coiled through her belly at his words, and John fucked her harder, jolting her forward with each thrust.

“Please! Can’t help it, alpha. Gonna come, need to, please-“ Patience babbled and cried, desperate to come, but just as desperate to please the alpha behind her.

His hips stuttered, and Patience knew he was close. She cried out as his deft fingers left her back to rub circles on her clit. Her body bucked wildly as she came, vision going black with pleasure. Before she realized it was happening, the pleasure turned to white-hot pain, exploding from her neck outward, where John’s teeth were now latched onto her scent gland, drawing blood.

John came with his teeth still on her, and as his knot inflated, locking them together, the pain of his bite dulled into a warm, throbbing pleasure that pulsed through her body. She couldn’t help the shiver running through her as he maneuvered them down onto the bed, laving soothing licks onto the wound.

As the pain and pleasure both dulled down, Patience hummed contently while her alpha nuzzled his nose into her still-damp hair and ran his fingers up and down her side. Her alpha. She was claimed. She was safe.

Safe with John. She couldn’t suppress the giddy giggle that bubbled out of her at the thought, so unexpected even just hours ago.

“What’s so funny, my dear?” he whispered into her ear, fingers traveling down to play with one of her nipples.

“Nothing.” Honesty. “I just feel safe with you, is all.”

Pleasure rolled off of him at her response, and she smiled. She was making her alpha happy.

His hands continued to travel, exploring and playing with her body, now his. In spite of his ministrations, he spoke gently in her ear. “Go to sleep, Patience. You need to rest.”

She doubted it would be long before the next wave of her heat overtook her, especially with him teasing her like he was. Obedience. But she shut her eyes nonetheless, relaxing into her alpha’s arms.