#should i post song analyses on tumblr yes or no

[cookies-over-yonder]

here's my hermie playlist so far 😍 if y'all have suggestions hmu

[linisiane]

I’m kind of annoyed at the big posts about Zepotha rn. You guys are gatekeepers and don’t even understand what you’re gatekeeping! Cohesion this and lack of plot that. “Skill issue” “Copycat!—” NO. We must go deeper.

Goncharov was a love letter to tumblr fandom culture. An analysis of the way we collectively talk queer themes into existence.

Tumblr blogs dedicated to queer ships. Intricate metas on the queer themes of a work. Screenshot redraws of romantic moments. Comics that are incredibly horny but still somehow capture the original themes. Prompt fills of what we imagine the story could’ve been had there been another (gayer) way.

So many of these types of posts on tumblr are considered reaches or “making things up” by the greater world. But they are analyses made meaningful through this shared sense of community, this shared experience of queerness in a society that doesn’t think of us or our themes as real. Goncharov being “made up” is a celebration of the way we come together to make the queer themes we want to see in the world, especially the ones the world doesn’t think exists. A way to say, “Of course we’re ‘mAkiNg tHiNgS uP,’ Goncharov is made up,” like it’s some sort of metaphor made literal.

Yes, the Google docs and the Martin Scorsese movie framework are a huge part of what made Goncharov work, but what spread excitement are the Goncharov posts just like the ones I listed above. Goncharov isn’t just what we imagine this fake movie to be, but also the fandom/queer culture we imagined surrounded it, and I’d argue that this culture is just as much of a framework for Goncharov as the Martin Scorsese thing was. Why else have non-canonical gay ships in the movie we made up?

TikTok’s problem is that it doesn’t have the original passion and love for queer analysis to gel it the way Goncharov did. Or really anything to gel it beyond cheap clout chasing. No depth, only virality.

It’s like a cute in joke being turned into loveless corporate marketing. Taking something from its original context to prey upon it, ruining what was good about it in the first place. It feels like when corporations tried to recreate Barbenheimer, except it’s someone trying to create a trend on TikTok to market their song, only for the trend to burn out quickly because everybody’s treating it like a joke instead of committing. By its structure (the reblog system) Tumblr is a place of collaboration and building upon what’s come before. TikTok, on the other hand, favors a personalized algorithm pushing viral content over content creators. It’s about reaching the top of a trend or a sound before it dies off in two weeks.

It just rubs me the wrong way how some people act like Zepotha’s crime is being a shitty copy of Goncharov. This is the Fanfiction website. We love amateurism and “originality” means nothing to us. We should be happy to celebrate the people on there making genuine attempts at TikTok edits of the characters or those TikTok green screen filter reviews of the movie or ‘dressing like Zepotha characters’ vids instead of denigrating Zepotha for being too derivative. There are genuine tiktoks out there that do a great job of committing to the bit and crystallizing what fandom formats on TikTok look like, which is exactly what the Goncharov screenshot redraws, horny comics, and queer metas were on Tumblr.

Like, there’s so much to rag against Zepotha—the inauthenticity, the clout-chasing, the way TikTok’s virality algorithm makes art worse, the lack of in-universe TikToks calling out the Zepotha fans for being racist (I’d kill for that TikTok skit!)—that roasting the amateur execution of excited teens is missing the forest for the trees.

[reallydumbdannyphantomaus]

every once in a while (aka very frequently) i feel an urge to write analyses of all sorts of art. i guess i just want to express exactly why something i love is worthy of love and why something i dont enjoy might be falling flat, at least for me and other people who dislike it.

i usually do so by spam texting my brother or writing my thoughts in the tags of a Tumblr post but i think i need to start treating these the way a critical analysis SHOULD be treated, which is essentially what you did in writing your your analysis of this song

well thanks for validating what felt like a very odd impulse to me at the time lmao

but I also want to say that I don't think that what you describe is a lesser form of analysis, it's just more informal. that you do that just on a personal level with your brother and friends is still super cool tbh!!! if u want to do something mildly more formal (which to me really just meant being a little more verbose and putting it all in one document) then have at ye, but i don't think that you've done anything lesser yknow? idk I'm not like an expert I'm just really obsessed with this one song by kacey musgraves lol

[the-blue-fairie]

I sometimes feel like being in fandoms makes people see things in black and white. Everything becomes an “either/or” situation. You are either for something or against something, pro a storytelling aspect or character or anti a storytelling aspect or character. The nature of fandom tags on tumblr kind of cultivates this attitude. In order to categorize your thoughts on your blog, you need simple phrases that help with easy categorization, so that’s why we get things like “pro-this movie” or “anti-this movie” or “pro-this character” or “anti-this character.” But the simplistic quality of such categorizations kills nuanced analysis - or makes it more difficult to enunciate one’s thoughts when they fall into a grey zone.

I’ve written a fair number of analyses of Frozen on this blog and they’ve been met with a lovely and positive reception. But because, as I’ve said in the past, I have mixed feelings about F2, I always worry about how other people will read my posts. Will they think I am being too negative about the film and then question me when I profess to like it? Will they feel I’m being too positive and call into question my critiques? Depending on their perspectives, how will other people try to categorize me?

It’s not merely anxiety on my part - although anxiety makes it worse. In the past, sometimes my words have been misconstrued by others or, in other cases, I’ve not explained myself clearly enough and so they’ve been taken for something outside my intent. This has exacerbated my anxiety at times because I feel I walk a fine line where I both agree and disagree with all sides in the fandom to a certain degree. But that nebulousness defies easy categorization, so I always worry people will look and my posts and think things like...

Oh, you feel F2 didn’t  reflect enough on how Agnarr and Iduna’s actions hurt their daughters? Does that mean you’re anti Agnarr and Iduna? No. I love Agnarr and Iduna dearly. I think they are incredibly rich and compelling characters. I also think that the backstory F2 gives them only makes them more interesting characters, giving them layers that go beyond the layers they already had from their limited presence in the first film. I also think that Agnarr and Iduna are good people and that they loved their daughters dearly, that they were caught in a terrible position and did everything to protect their daughters. And I further think that, given the time to come to terms with their parents’ actions, it’s perfectly valid for Elsa and Anna to still love them. As I said before, they are good people with their own fears for the future, wanting to protect their children. But I also feel that, by ignoring Agnarr’s and Iduna’s role in the sisters’ separation as children (and actually, by avoiding discussion the childhood events altogether), F2 never allows Elsa and Anna to come to terms with their parents’ actions. It never acknowledges their parents’ part in the hurt the sisters experienced as children (and, of course, it never acknowledges the trolls’ part in it either, even though the trolls were acting as guides for the king and queen and all their choices impacted the lives of these two children negatively.) It never acknowledges that people can love you - and still hurt you. And it never gives the sisters’ closure for that even though the narrative of F2 is all about their parents and (Elsa, at least) finding some form of closure with Iduna. But, in spite of my issues with the narrative, I like Agnarr and Iduna as characters - ESPECIALLY Iduna, whose backstory in F2 makes her fascinating.

Oh, you feel Elsa’s arc in F2 could have been written better? Does that mean you’re anti-Elsa/”Elsa-critical?” No. When I say that Elsa’s arc could have been written better, I am criticizing the structural elements that make up her arc, not criticizing Elsa herself. In fact, it’s my love for the character of Elsa that inspires my meditation on her arc. I’ve loved and deeply related to Elsa since the first film. Even when people got to rolling their eyes at the oversaturation of Let it Go, I’ve always kept the song close to my heart because it means something to me. I actually don’t particularly care for the tag “Elsa critical” because I think people using that tag are sometimes too quick to condemn Elsa for things when they should be condemning pacing issues in F2 or writing issues that made the writers’ intent unclear or moments that feel slightly OOC for Elsa compared to the first film.

And keep in mind, when I say “moments that feel slightly OOC for Elsa,” I’m not saying that Elsa feels “completely OOC” the way some people do or trying to dismiss what the writers were trying to do for her character. There are actually elements in F2 with Elsa that I feel are great character elements and they should not be disregarded - but there is also a dubious focus on her connection to the abstract concept of magic instead of her connection to other people. This undercuts some of the strong character moments that do exist in the film. 

And again, keep in mind, when I say, “a focus on the abstract concept of magic rather than her connection with other people,” I’m not saying that Elsa loses her humanity in F2. She doesn’t. There are still moments that show her humanity and her human connections with other people. What I’m saying is that those human elements take a backseat to her connection to Ahtohallan, which does a disservice to her arc and its emotional impact, in my opinion.

Oh, you feel that aspects of the ending of F2 feel unearned to a certain degree? That sounds like you dislike F2. Didn’t you say you liked F2? Which is it? Are you just trying to confuse people? No, I’m not trying to confuse people. It’s just that you can like certain aspects of a film and dislike others, feel parts of a film were well-done and other parts less so. My feelings on F2 are... complicated. I love Anna as queen of Arendelle, I think she makes an amazing queen. A part of me wants Elsa to stay in Arendelle because I like the idea of the sisters being physically together and I feel the films and shorts have built a better connection between Elsa and the people of Arendelle than Elsa and the Forest. BUT, at the same time, I deeply love the Northuldra and want to see both Elsa and Anna bond with their mother’s people more and I love the idea of Elsa living with the Northuldra and connecting with them. My issue is the film doesn’t emphasize building Elsa’s connection with the Northuldra when that is the most emotionally resonant human element that connects her to the Forest. I actually want to see more of the Northuldra in F2′s narrative to give the ending greater depth.

(Also, I think it’s a shame that the film kind of brushes aside Anna’s connection to the Northuldra and her making bonds with her mother’s people. I know the film wants to set up Anna’s connection to Arendelle to foreshadow her taking the queenship but... both is good, as I’ve said in other posts.)

And I guess that’s what separates me from other people who dislike the ending. Yes, I’ve said that I prefer the sisters being physically together, but I’m not against F2′s ending on principle the way some people are. F2′s ending could work perfectly with a few rewrites to the narrative. I like it in concept, but not execution. I love Anna’s arc and Elsa’s arc has beautiful elements, conceptually at least. I love the idea of her being able to broaden her horizons and meet new people. The trouble is, the film doesn’t emphasize her bonding with those new people and writes them out of the narrative for no good reason for the second half of the film. And because I feel that Elsa’s connections with other human beings are what help me relate to her, more than the abstract concept of her individuality and abstract connections to magic and the spirits, that makes the ending of the film ring a little hollow for me. Especially when the sense of emotional connection I feel to the sisters reconnecting in Frozen Fever is so much stronger to me on a personal level than F2. (That last sentence I mentioned is personal feeling, but I hope that otherwise, I have supported my perspective with references to the text that readers feel are valid.)  

Again, I’m not trying to take anything away from people who love Elsa’s arc and the film in general. There are many things I love about it. myself I recognize the beauty they see in it and I value that beauty.

I apologize. Maybe this is just rambling born of my anxiety - or reiteration of points I’ve made before. But I hope, if you read this, you feel I discuss these things with clarity, respect, and fairness for different perspectives. Thank you.

[luminous-homestuck-kins]

Mods Rose and Kanaya intros

Hello everyone! Mod Rose speaking! Nice to meet you all, though you may know me from some of Adrien’s other blogs as Anon Gonzo! You may also call me Shea! Some things about me are! My Homestuck kins are Rose, Aradia, and The Dolorosa. My true sign is Arpia, Sign of the Examiner! I’m also a Derse Maid of Light!

[And Mod Kanaya Is Also Here. I Will Use Brackets And Typing Quirk To Differentiate Myself On This Post, Though For Subsequent Posts I Will Not Need The Brackets. I Am The Anon “Plush Dad” On Adrien’s Other Blogs, Or You May Also Call Me Beaker. Mod Rose And I Are In A System Together, Hence Why Our Intros Are On One Post. My One Homestuck Kin Is Kanaya, Though I Do Not Know If That Will Change. My True Sign Is Scoriborn, Sign Of The Dangerous, Though I Can Indeed Promise That I Will Not Live Up To That Title. I Am A Derse Mage Of Rage.]

Our rules are:

Like with Mod Dave/Adrien, we don’t want any creepy/nsfw requests. Please remember that we are people on the other end of the screen, and we would like some respect. The two of us in this intro are adults, but we don’t want that sort of conduct either.

Just as another general rule for this blog, don’t spam one request again and again. Sure, sometimes Tumblr eats some asks, especially if you try to “<3”, but other than that we will probably see and get to your request.

Both of us like he/him, but Mod Rose is also usually cool with they/them

Again, a general rule, don’t vent out of nowhere. Like with Rule 1, we are people behind the screen, and we would like some respect.

Similarly, don’t ask super invasive questions. We’re happy to answer some questions, but if it gets too personal, we won’t want to answer them.

Kidswap and bloodswap are allowed!

Some things we can do are:

Shufflemancies

We have a playlist made specifically for shufflemancy, consisting of nearly every song we listen to! We hope our taste in music is satisfactory to you, and that our analyses of the song results to your questions are what you’re looking for

Canoncalls

Send a little bit about your canon, who you’re looking for, and how people should contact you if they’re resonating with it! We’re happy to give you a boost!

Pendulum readings

Ask a yes or no question about your canon, god tier, or lunar sway, and we could get it with our pendulum!

Tarot readings

Ask a question about your canon, such as how your session was or what your relationship to a character was, and we can give you a reading from out tarot deck! We usually draw 5 cards when answering direct questions.

God tier analysis

We’ll do our best to analyze god tier! Powers, role in a session, what your journey might be, we’ll try to see what we can gather from your god tier!

Sburb/Sgrub session analysis

Just like other mods, send up to 8 god tiers, and we’ll give you our best guess how the session will go!

General DNI: DNI IF: P*dophiles/MAPs, racists in general, cop defenders, Trump supporters, fascists/alt-righters/n*zis, homophobes, anti choicers, TERFs/TEHMs, truscum/transmeds, and REGs/(ace/aro/pan/bi) exclusionists, vriska apologists, or  pro-shipper.

See you for now!! We hope you enjoy this blog!

- Mods Rose and Kanaya

[thesunnyshow]

Name: reya

Writing Blog URL(s): @chu-ni

Age: 19

Nationality: african-british

Languages: english, swahili, korean

Star Sign: libra

MBTI: enfp/entp (it always changes lol)

Favorite color: purple!

Favorite food: i really love chicken burgers

Favorite movie: princess and the frog

Favorite ice cream flavor: vanilla!!

Favorite animal: elephants

Go-to karaoke song: fancy - twice

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? caramel frappe with whipped cream, in general i prefer tea though

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)? secretary general at the UN….or an author

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? making anyone agree with me and do what i want them to do

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? ancient egypt!!

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you?.....no.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? neither if i could lmfao but i’d go for 100 chicken sized horses

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? the nerd who’s actually really pretty after she gets a cool makeover 

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? im not sure about aliens, but i definitely believe in ghosts and spirits.

What are some small things that make your day better? when i can have moments to myself to enjoy my own company. or when someone asks me what i want to eat and they bring it for me 🥺

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know? uhm…...probably the fact that i write fanfiction lol..but outside of that! i sing in the shower. and i talk to myself a lot.

What fandom(s) do you write for? nct dream currently, but in the future i want to expand to other groups!

When did you post your first piece? 17th of June 2018.

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why? i can never write just one genre. predominantly i write fluff with a dash of angst for spice simply because i love a story that has an issue and then having that issue be resolved for a happy ending. when i started my blog i was 17, and so i said i wouldn't write smut. now that i'm older im feeling more and more comfortable writing suggestive content at the very LEAST.. so maybe in the future i might write smut, who knows? i like writing fluff because i like making people feel good, but i like adding angst to it because i feel like the contrast between the two is very *chefs kiss* to me.

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc? i only write x readers!

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr? i first got tumblr when i was 13 years old and i was a fresh kpop fan lmfao. i wanted somewhere that shared my interests. of course i discovered x reader fics on here and i was in awe, i guess of how much power writers had in contributing to fandom content and keeping readers satiated. i’d always loved to write and so i’d always wanted to start my own writing blog, and for 2 years i did write for other blogs! it wasnt until 2018 that i finally took the leap and decided to start my own, because i wanted to impact people's emotions and take them on a journey through my writing.

What inspires you to write? what inspires me….teen movies, music!! music is a big one for me, and also the books that i read. i also grew up playing otome games so the plots and writing from those influence my writing a lot.

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most? i really enjoy writing royalty!aus as well as exes!aus. i love to do them cause they require me to build a world and with royalty aus specifically i love weaving together bits of political intrigue, or arranged marriages, etc. its so much fun!!

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? that if this world is too rough or too much, you can always escape from it. it might not be physical, but immersing yourself in a universe that's entirely different for a little while can help soothe you.

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? usually i try and take breaks. the problem with that is that my breaks can go on for longer than i’d like and im trying to fix that. so my other solution is to read read read!! read as much as i can, or go back to books that i loved. ask myself what i liked about the writing, what are some parts that i thought were amazing examples of good writing - i note them down then see if i can apply that to my own work. another thing i do is take a break from writing my longer, fleshed out works and write blurbs! blurbs are a great way for me to write but not feel like its tedious because i don't have to spend as much time on them and it gets me into the groove of writing without feeling stressed out.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? my favourite piece of work is miscommunication. it took me months to write that, even after i lost all the work halfway through, and its the longest piece of work i have written so far, so its kinda like my baby. my most successful is candy jar. its also the work i owe my blog exposure to - it was the first piece i published, and it was also the first piece of writing i did in around 4 years.

Who is your favorite person to write about? i don't have much out for them, but i really enjoy exploring mark’s and jeno’s characters. they're people, but in my work i enjoy analysing them and judging how they’d act in different contexts.

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? the only difference for me is that fanfiction (depending on the fandom) has some of the stuff fleshed out for you already, such as the world its in. if youre the type to write AUs then the only thing you already have is the characters - the planning, the writing, the drafting, and everything else is still the writer's responsibility. therefore there isn't much of a difference between the two for me.

What do you think makes a good story?  a good story, to me, is one that takes me on a journey. it could be any genre, but i like to feel immersed and connected to the characters and the world in it. also aside from the obvious, like good grammar, a good story feels natural to read. i don't feel like skim reading half of it.

What is your writing process like? my writing process consists of me getting inspiration - usually from a song, or a film or a book ive read or a game ive played - i note down my idea and who i want the story to be about, and then bullet point the whole story, with some snippets of particular dialogue i want the reader or the other person to say at certain scenes. i then open another document ( i have a writing app on my phone, called werdsmith, so i use that!) and set a word count goal i want to hit so i can track my progress and start writing the fic, with fleshed out language and exposition. when im done (usually after a couple weeks up to a few months, depends on the length of the plan) i read through it to fix any mistakes, then i transfer it to docs so i can read it again and italicise any areas i feel need it.

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? i...don't think so. mainly because the original fiction i read and would like to write for myself is predominantly fantasy, whereas the fanfic i write on my blog is usually non-idol, normal fics. 

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand? im a SUCKER for enemies to lovers, royalty ofc, “and they were roommates”, and i think superhero aus are really cool but there isnt enough of them :( idol/you as member aus....not feeling her… also abo/werewolf/vampire aus….not feelin em

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you? a LOT. a HUGE amount!! i said before how i like giving my readers somewhere where they can immerse themselves as an escape, even for a short while. hearing about how my work affected them, made them feel, makes me feel less insecure about what im writing and thus more confident to publish it.

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? i’d say reblogs. and also putting out more content. when i first uploaded candy jar i went to my one of my favourite writers (jaeminlore) and asked her if she'd be okay with reading it and giving feedback. to my surprise she loved it and her reblogging it to all her followers is literally what gave me a bunch of followers all of a sudden who loved what i’d written. to keep that momentum i created more and more content, and while i haven't uploaded as often as i've wanted to or written as much as i’d wanted to, i can say i have a good amount of work on my masterlist for people who are looking for more to read.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? 100%. fanfic has an unfair reputation for just having bad writing and cringey fics (and i feel like this is because of the way society views the demographics who predominantly consume and create it), when in reality i feel like those who write fanfiction are extremely talented and selfless people. they're on the internet creating content for free for people to enjoy and like any other work of art they're putting time and effort into it. i think it should be respected. any form of art is going to have its good and bad sides.

Do you think art can be a medium for change? hmmm….yes. i feel it can be a way to reflect the thoughts of people and also be a way to inspire people to do more.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? sometimes. sometimes i feel like i'm forcing myself to write because i feel like if i don't then people will forget about me or they’ll forget about my blog. while what i choose to write about is for me, i feel like the speed of my writing and what im writing isn't to the quality i want it to be cause i feel like i gotta get it out for people to read.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? i've never felt that way!

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr? only 2 of my friends know, and i only told them like. a week ago!

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? i wish you guys would message me more! i'm quite a sociable person, and i’d love to have regular anons who talk to me 👉🏽👈🏽

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? i think one common thing amongst all writers is that we write what we want to read. so don't feel like nobody's gonna read your work, cause somebody will. you gotta act like your work is top tier even if someone says it isn't - always write the best you can, and just do it! like don't even give yourself time to overthink it, write that fic, make it look pretty, upload it onto tumblr and do not be afraid to ask your favourite fic writers to read your work once its up!! i’d be happy to read and give feedback for any fic writers as well so don't feel afraid! 

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? ive been on here for 7 years….i grew up on this site lmfao. but i don't think i regret joining tumblr once.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? shes not very active anymore and i miss her very much but user hyuck-s was so supportive and i love her!!

Pick a quote to end your interview with:

she believed she could, so she did.

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL 

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

Queer Analysis - Beautiful Eyes

Hey there gang! 👋🏻👋🏻

Remember when I’d do these things called Queer Analyses where I’d look at Taylor’s songs from a queer perspective? Yeah me too, vaguely 🤔

I’d like to do those again! 🌈🌈🌈

Hopefully you remember these segments, but something you may not remember as clearly is an EP Taylor released in 2008 entitled Beautiful Eyes. . Alongside the title track the EP also contains several alternative versions of songs from her debut album as well as a second original tune that happens to be one of my favorite underrated Taylor songs: I Heart Question Mark. 🎶🎶🎶

That however is not the song we’re focusing on today, today’s song is in fact Beautiful Eyes, this was requested by the same anon who also requested our latest analysis, better late than never, right?

As usual I’d like to thank AZLyrics for providing me with the lyrics used in this analysis.

Before we start I’d also like to say as always that the theory/reading of this song that I’m about to put forward in this post is just speculation, I didn’t write this song and thus I have no idea who or what it is truly about and everyone else are free to have their own theories and reading. I’d love it if we could start a queer discussion about this song as well as other songs by Taylor so feel free to send me asks and point out something I might have missed in my writing or request other songs for analyses in the future! 😊😊

Enough talk, let’s get to analyzin’

--

Your beautiful eyes

Stare right into my eyes

And sometimes I think of you late at night

I don't know why

Hi and welcome to the queer experience™️ 101, let’s imagine a common scenario for a queer adolescent to end up in before being aware that they are in fact queer:

You’re in middle school and you have a friend of the same gender as you. You guys are close friends and before you ever started hanging out maybe you desperately wanted to be this person’s friend. Maybe it’s because they’re cooler than you, more attractive or just seem fun to be around.

When you finally do become friends you’re over the moon and super excited that this person gives you the time of day, finally! You talk about them all the time and how cool they are and maybe your other friends or your family even ask you to talk about something else because you won’t shut up about this one friend and when you’re not around them you miss them like crazy and yeah so sometimes when they look at you you may notice things such as how attractive they are and how their eyes are very, very pretty, some may even say beautiful…

And yeah okay, you do think about them at night sometimes when you’re trying to sleep and you imagine their face in front of you and you imagine holding their hand and sharing a milkshake and kissing them and you-

Wait, what??

No, no, no not like THAT,  you’re not gay or anything, this is just friendship right? This is just what it feels like to have a really close friend, RIGHT?!

Yep, yes!

Okay, so no need to freak out, you think about your friend at night and you’re not exactly sure why, but you assume it’s a friendship-thing, this is what it’s like for everyone who has a best friend of the same gender that they are lowkey obsessed with like a lot, right?! Everyone thinks about girls in the same way you do, it doesn’t mean you’re gay…..Right?!

Well, young adolescent (who may or may not be Taylor Swift) I have news for you: 

Maybe, just maybe you’re a little bit gay…  🌈🌈

I know SHOCKING right?

Yeah, I think that maybe this is one of those friendships you are going to look back on when you’re a little older and laugh at because goddamn, it was just so obvious that this was a crush and you can’t understand how you didn’t realize this at the time, god you were SUCH a LESBIAN little kid it’s ridiculous!!

Anyway, you finish chuckling and you put this old song on your new EP because goddamn you were SUCH a LESBIAN little kid and this song is you trying to figure that out in real-time and it’s cute!  🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

--

I want to be somewhere where you are

I want to be where...

You're here, your eyes are looking into mine

So baby, make me fly

My heart has never felt this way before

I'm looking through your

I'm looking through your eyes

--

So anyway, young Taylor has now figured out that she may actually have a crush and that’s why she can’t stop thinking about her friend late at night! My hypothesis is that this song is the fantasy/dream of a young queer kid trying to figure out their feelings. So before she falls asleep Taylor wishes she could be where her friend is and then suddenly she is and in the dream Taylor and this friend are locking eyes and as she always does every time this happens in real life Taylor remarks what beautiful eyes her crush has. Given in how many different songs she’s mentioned eyes in various contexts over the years I think it’s safe to say that a person’s eyes may be the first thing Taylor notices about someone when she first starts being attracted to them and this song seems to confirm this was the case even early in her life.

Taylor tells us that having eye contact with her crush makes her feel like she’s flying, she also says “her heart has never felt this way before” indicating that this is her first or at the very least first serious crush.

Perhaps this feels different because she’s only had crushes on boys (or at least she thought she did) before and this happens to be a girl She likes girls and it finally all makes sense, looking at her new crush and into those beautiful eyes it finally feels like Taylor has been told a crush should feel! 💓💓🦋🦋

--

I wake up, I'm alive

In only a little while... I'll cry

Cause you're my lullaby

--

Then Taylor wakes up from this dream and at first she is very happy and feels so alive and high on her feelings for this girl and the wonderful dream, but she knows that in a little while she’ll be sad again and maybe even shed a tear because she’ll realize the dream wasn’t real and her friend still doesn’t know about Taylor’s feelings. This friend is Taylor’s lullaby in the sense that she is the last thing Taylor thinks about before she goes to sleep, maybe she thinks about what it’d be like being in a relationship with this crush and as she drifts of dreaming of this she feels happy and content with her fantasy before waking up to the said reality where her thoughts are just a fantasy and no one knows how she really feels. 😞

--

So baby come hold me tight cause I-I

I want to be everything you need

I want to be where...

--

Taylor wishes her crush would come hold her and be there with her and not only in her head, actually this whole song kind of sounds to me as a less explicit version of Hayley Kiyoko’s sleepover

--

(Chorus)

--

Just as long as you're mine

I'll be your everything tonight

Let me love you, kiss you

Oh baby let me miss you

Let me see your

Dream about

Dream about

Dream about your eyes

Eyes, eyes... beautiful eyes

--

Taylor makes sure to point out that she will be her crush’s everything tonight. This fantasy of them together, kissing and being together in a romantic sense is a recurring bedtime fantasy for Taylor who perhaps only allows herself to have an outlet for her confused gay feelings at night when she’s alone. Alone and missing her crush, getting ready to dream about those beautiful eyes and pretends they are hers to dream about and the person in question is hers to kiss and miss.

Essentially what I’m saying is that this song is a young closeted person’s anthem for how they wish their relationship with their secret crush could be. 

You know all those tumblr posts about daydreaming about romantic scenarios that will never happen in real life? Yeah, that is what this song is to young Taylor who has recently come out to herself and is now indulging her queer thoughts and feelings, she’s still a little confused but she’s got the spirit.

--

Thanks so much for reading and I hope you’ve missed these analyses as much as I have, I cannot wait to get back to them. Our next song is I Don’t Wanna Live Forever which was requested by @silencequitethisloudd literally over a year ago!

Feel free to send me requests and suggestions for future analysis or even fanfiction prompts, I may get to prompts and requests at the pace of a snail, but at least I have fun doing them once I do get to it and thus my askbox is always open!!  😊

[filmtrash]

from then to now,

the end of the year is a time for reflection. there’s a lot i could look back on from this past year, but more than anything, i want to focus on the happiest, best thing.  

although my presence on this platform may be temporary, i am certain that what it has brought me will be a forever kind of thing. this time last year i was meant to be revising for my year thirteen mock exams, but i was in curled up in the only empty space in my bedroom (revision everywhere!) literally unable to put down my copy of call me by your name. i watched the movie again shortly after that and well....i don’t have to describe what that’s like because y’all know. i also remember lying in my bed listening to visions of gideon an unhealthy number of times. all these experiences were so important for me, so pivotal, so transformative and it’s only now a year on i can understand why that’s the case.

this isn’t meant to be a backstory of my life but i have always been a completely lost soul. although i am certain i have not found myself yet, this last year i’ve found something that offers me stability and security. something i’m not sure i truly had before that. call me by your name is undeniably at the centre of it all, but it has brought me so much more than i ever expected. it seems far-fetched and not really believable but it’s the absolute truth. 

i’ve said it many times and i’ll say it again; reading the book, watching the film, listening to the music, listening to the audiobook made some sort of wall come down and made me in touch with my emotions and made me feel so much. not only did it provide escapism (andré’s descriptions and luca’s visuals are so PERFECT for that) but i remember thinking ‘i think i may have just found my purpose. to make people feel how this makes me feel.’ 

to put it simply, here’s a list of things that have happened to me and/or came into my life because of this film: 

i’d never been interested in the oscars before but when i heard call me by your name was nominated i wanted to see what its chances of winning were. i also thought any film in competition must be worth watching. i lived at the cinema after that, trying to watch as many oscar nominated films as i could. this in turn introduced me to so many incredible films, actors, directors. when oscar night came, me and my friends gathered round the tv and we basically regarded it as the event of the year. 

similarly, because i held the cast of cmbyn in such high regard, i wanted to watch everything they were in. truthfully, timmy was the initial reason why i wanted to watch lady bird, but i’m so glad he brought me to that theatre. i literally adore lady bird, saoirse, greta, lucas. i literally have such a strong connection to that film and i wouldn’t have that without cmbyn. and the pattern goes on and on. the reach of this film is never ending. now i have a long list of actors and actresses i hold in high regard and an even longer list of films. that’s endless hours of pure fuckin joy. 

music has always been central to my life, but cmbyn opened up a wide expanse of new artists for me. not just sufjan stevens, but artists featured on fan edits and songs you guys recommended me that remind you of the movie. sometimes my playlist will be on shuffle and one of those songs will come on and it doesn’t matter where i am or what mood i’m in, im immediately transported back to the couple months of my life where i felt like i was wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket. 

i travelled round italy! to visit the locations where cmbyn were filmed! i wouldn’t have had that INSANE experience without this movie. it was so surreal being there. elio and oliver truly felt like two tangible people. the corners where they filmed in bergamo were so void of other tourists that you could almost the two singing and dancing. i know they’re not real, but what they brought to my life is and being there is something i’ll never forget. 

friendships! it brought me so much closer to my friends, as we all found a mutual love and interest (some in cmbyn specifically, some just in film). i am so blessed to have 3 people that love what i love and share so many amazing viewing experiences and discussions with me! along with our love for each other, film truly does bind us together. it also was the talking point between me and a work colleague and now she’s one of my best friends and even came to the beautiful boy premiere with me. AND ALL OF YOU !!! lovely supportive people that have so many bright ideas and wonderful talents. you have taught me so much. 

and now for the big one........literally it changed the course of my whole damn life. a year later im sat in the same spot, home for my christmas break....from university where im a freakin’ film student! my whole life is immersed in film and my whole future will be much the same way. WITHOUT CALL ME BY YOUR NAME WHERE WOULD I BE RIGHT NOW? so when people ask me what my favourite film is, they have NO IDEA how much of a loaded question is. they’re the lucky ones if i just mention the title. when sat in my flat in london, writing my essay on tarantino, i’ll glance up at my copy of cmbyn like.......this is all because of you buddy.

cmbyn also brought me here. i’ve had this account since like...2011? but i rebirthed this bitch when i was searching for cmbyn content. it started by me posting quotes from the book and i could see in the notes there were accounts dedicated to timmy etc, and i was thinking ..... wait! there’s people out there that love it as much as me !??!?!? i started to post more and more until i got brave enough to analyse a part of the movie. the response i got was so unexpected but again, did wonders in adding to my sense of purpose. even if people disagreed with me, i welcomed the discussion, i welcomed the communication. in a world where you feel no one understands you, when you find this beautiful thing that connects you to beautiful people, it’s a wonderful thing. tumblr can be whatever, but it’s made what it is by the people who use it. whatever has become of it since then, it provided me with so much. i have been educated, i have been accepted, i have been listened to. without posts on here i wouldn’t have known of some events that i’ve gone to, and that have been some of my favourite experiences of my life. i can’t thank you all enough, wherever you may be, for providing me with a temporary bliss where i truly felt on top of the world. 

i talked about this the other day but i’m serious. timothée is a wonderful human being and i feel honoured to support him. this boy is going to be so powerful and trust me, his feet are not going to leave the ground once. i truly was a fandom kid, moving to support one celebrity after another but i can say that (other than hs) it’s never ran deeper than this. i don’t feel like im a crazy fangirl!!!!!!! over timothée, i feel like i have such a weird admiration for him like i would have for a best friend (we can only hope). he’s just so GOOD. he’s so talented but so smart and so refreshing and beyond his physical looks, his mind is beautiful. if everyone else was able to have that in perfect balance too, the world would be a better place. i also sometimes see parts of myself reflected in him too. not that i’ve ever done an interview or anything, but the way he carries himself etc just reminds me of me. i hope this isn’t me complimenting myself, i’m merely saying we’re both bumbling idiots. (also happy birthday. u fuckin rule)

so that’s where i am now, and there’s all the reasons why i wouldn’t be here without call me by your name. i’m here to testify that yes film is great entertainment and a good evening trip out, but its power should never be underestimated. call me by your name in particular has wormed its way into so many parts of my life, and those parts are the only bits i like. 

so thank you if you’re still reading this, because you’re a part of it too. i am very grateful. 

[alphacentaurirunaway]

So uhm yesterday night was indeed something I should somehow address or at least self analyse and apparently I decided to do so during my commute (?). It’s not like it will have any meaning, but putting it out there may or may not be at least a lil bit helpful.

As I suspected, a person who was once (well, still is) very dear to me was at the gig yesterday. You might have read my posts about her here, probably, anyway. I knew she liked the band but I thought “whatever, the place is huge, you won’t cross her path”. I don’t have any social media except for Tumblr so I couldn’t really check if she was attending.

And of course she was there. And of course, in the huge crowd, I did cross her path. And she crossed mine. First time she came through all those sweaty bodies and ended up in front of me. I felt like someone punched me in the face so I ran away. Panic attack of course. Listened to 3 songs from another side of the venue, of course crying and hyperventilating because I have problems. Then I turned my head and there she was again. Dare I say as beautiful as always?

Then I tried to not think about it, what the fuck, what kind of fucked up head am I living in? So I let the crowd push me on the further side of the venue, loosing her sight. I thought I was safe but as the concert ended and I left with my partner (yes cause in the meanwhile I was just here with him) I went to the drinking fountain and she was there, and finally our eyes met and I died a little once again. I didn’t want to stand there behind her group so I acted like I was going somewhere else. Of course I felt like I was drunk and fainting at the same time. Because that’s what anxiety does to me sometimes, like I wanna disappear in the ground but at the same time I wanna let out all the chaos in me with a physical manifestation. So a few metres I walk and then I let myself fall on the pavement, kneeling in front of a tree, becoming a little fucked up snail on the ground, my head resting on the dirt and leaves in my hair and my partner trying to calm me down. And the more I was doing that the more I felt good and awful at the same time cause they were probably looking at me and I wanted to disappear and I wanted to scream

So my partner raised me up and I started laughing hysterically and then I went to car and cried again screaming.

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me, what is it, why why

[nobeerreviews]

...tagging game

Tagged by @chibiranmaruchan in what I honestly think was a typing mistake - but hey who am I to let down my bad typin' followers :)

(I skipped here a bunch of personal info paranoid me doesn't want in the wild)

Favourite band: sorry too many to choose. Way. Too. Many. Also too much mood dependent.

Favourite solo artist: Uhh if I have to pick a name... *checks Spotify* *checks YouTube* ...nope. I only listen to bands, what?!?

Song stuck in your head: right now it's Primo Victoria as covered by Van Canto - a metal singing a capella group. Can it get weirder than that? Hardly.

Last movie seen: Ace Ventura, don't ask why uhmm

Movie I want to see: oh my. There's gotta be hundreds ok? But right now I'm stuck at the half of Inception so let me finish this one first.

Last TV show I watched: Game of Thrones, and it wasn't even that long time ago... I'm late with pretty much everything in life and this since years already.

Why did you create your blog: I got two years ago (or was it three? where can I see that?) a beer advent calendar and I thought I should bookmark the brews and their pics some place. A google-based research told me Tumblr could fit the requirement best so... here I am.

What do you reblog/post: Ideally I'd write about the sensations created by the different places I visit, including whatever beers come with the package. Then I also like some pictures making me think about a certain author... and so on.

Last thing I googled: I'm looking for an electric drill, don't judge :)

Other blogs: Yes, why?

Why URL: Because these are no beer reviews see. There are many knowledgeable folks around able to analyse every aspect of a certain concoction... while I have no idea. I just like beer and it all started around it.

I follow: about 1k at the moment, though I don't interact enough with that many :(

Followers: about 2k

Average hours of sleep: 7 hours, lucky me I have the weekends to fix this average.

Lucky number: I don't believe in those things.

Instrument: some basic skillz with classical guitar. But one day!

What am I wearing: 99% chances it's black. Let me check... yes it is.

Dream job: I have it already, although it's a very bumpy approximation on the "dream" part. Be veeery careful with what you're wishing for, folks...

Dream trip: if it includes some (old, preferably) cities I'm all good. Not that mountains are bad - love them too - but I'm a city boy so I can take only so much nature.

Favourite food: look, I'd get bored quickly if you feed me only my favorite food, whatever that is. Anyway, let's take... meh. Pizza? *ducks*

Favourite song right now: ...didn't we have that already? *scrolls up*

Top three universes: are there more??? What's wrong with this?

Last book I read: The best science fiction of the year #2 (it appeared in April 2017 so I'm a bit confused on which year they mean)

I’m tagging (brace yourselves - but not that much as I'm rotating the names): @allnightsong @chattegeorgiana @drunksincerity @motherg @notentirely @sugarforsalt

[there-for-him]

A Look Into Tae’s Sexuality

Part one of my LGBTS analyses

Hello, it’s Charlie here again, and in this post I’m going to be sharing my opinion on Tae’s sexuality. Or in other words, why I believe he may be LGBT+.

Of course, I should start this by saying, yes, I do not in fact know what his sexuality is, the only way to truly know is if he says it himself. With that being said, I do think that we are allowed to speculate on the matter. If we weren’t, they themselves would have said so. And also, this is Tumblr so who gives a fuck. And we need to acknowledge the possibility of idols not being straight. Talking about this will only pave the way for a future where they would feel safer to be who they truly are.

Another thing I should add is that, if you are expecting this to turn into a t/k analysis, I apologize, but it won’t. I myself believe in Jikook, as those of you who already follow me know. In fact, this post won’t really talk about any ships in a way that is trying to prove their legitimacy. There will be a few moments that are mentioned but they will be used mainly to prove TH’s attraction to men. Who I ship and don’t ship won’t have anything to do with this. But I’d also like to point out that I love all ships (OT7 is the best) so I won’t be looking down on any of them here.

And of course, if you want to discuss any of what you said, feel free to drop into my ask. Just please stay civil, I want to keep my blog positive so if you’re going to be rude I just won’t answer you.

Now, let’s get onto the actual post:

I’m going to be building my case (I apologize for my dictionary, one of my hobbies is competitive debating so bear with me, I don’t take myself as seriously as it may seem) on a few things that are more obvious in of themselves and then a few that may not mean anything if look at separately but when put together make too much sense. Also, I’m only going to be mentioning only things I can analyze. There are things he has done that I, as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community myself, recognize as, well, gay culture (Won’t be me if I don’t use memes) but I cannot really explain (ex.: his whole kinky puppy on a leash thing he’s got going on with the other members) so I will be refraining from using those so people can’t come and say “tHaT dOeS nOt mEaN aNyThInG fUcK yOu”.

Let me start with one of the most obvious ones to me, which I know many others also agree on:

1.       Stigma

Before we even play the song, the first thing we notice is the title – “Stigma”. The Cambridge definition of the word is “a strong feeling of disapproval that most people in a society have about something, especially when this is unfair”. We off the bat get the vibe that this song will be about something society tends to disapprove of without a real reason, such as being LGBTQIA+. Then we notice the melody and TH’s voice. We immediately understand that the song is a sad one, an emotional one, a deep one. Now let’s get onto the actual lyrics. I’ve been hiding it

I tell you something

Just to leave it buried

Now I can’t endure it anymore

Why couldn’t I say it then?

I have been hurting anyway

Really I won’t be able to endure it

It starts off with a person who has been keeping a secret from those close to him, a secret that has been eating him from the inside. He can’t take hiding it anymore. The song starts with a confession. Now cry

It’s only that I’m very sorry towards you

Again, cry because I couldn’t protect you

The secret he has just shared is hurting the one who he shared it with. They are crying and he is sorry for disappointing them, for hurting them. More often than not, when one comes out to their family, they are met with a negative reaction. Their family has lived their entire lives expecting their child to marry someone from the opposite gender and have a traditional family. All of a sudden, their fantasy is gone. They are faced with something they do not approve of coming from someone very close to them. Along with being disappointed they are also afraid for both their child and for themselves and what the future holds for all of them. They see it as a disgrace to the family. Deeper, deeper, the wound just gets deeper

Like pieces of broken glass that I can’t reverse

Deeper, it’s just the heart that hurts every day

(You) who was punished in my stead,

You who were only delicate and fragile The person who made the confession is deeply hurt. He is both sorry for himself and for disappointing his family. (I’m saying family as they are mentioned later on in the lyrics, clarifying who he has been talking to throughout the song).

Stop crying, tell me something

Try saying to me, who had no courage

Why did you do that to me then

I’m sorry

He continues on enforcing the idea that he is both hurt and apologetic. He’s sorry that he is the way he is both because he is hurting them by it and they are hurting him because of it.

Forget it,

what right do I have

To tell you to do this, or that

He believes he is not deserving of their approval, support and forgiveness. *chorus again*

I’m sorry I’m sorry

I’m sorry ma brother

Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can’t be erased

Here is where he shows that he’s talking about his family. Here is where we also see that what he is sorry for is not something he did, which is what most people speculate, but rather something he IS. How could he hide, conceal or erase a past action. If he has DONE something which hurt someone else, that’s not something you try to hide, that’s not how it works, for one to hide something that thing has to be present for more than one moment. Like a trait, not an action. If something he has DONE has hurt someone directly, that person must have been there or at least be aware of it, hence it would not be a secret. And here also comes the fact that hiding, concealing and trying to erase is the very definition of what being in the closet is.

Are you calling me a sinner

What more do I have to say

That part pretty much speaks for itself. Homosexuality being a sin is the main argument homophobes have. People have been and still are being killed for being gay because it’s “against god’s will”. Not to quote the lyrics but like, what more do I have to say.

I’m sorry I’m sorry

I’m sorry ma sister

Even if (I try to) hide it, or conceal it, it can’t be erased

So cry

Please dry my eyes

For the first time in the song, conveniently near the end, he is asking for support. He is asking his family to dry his eyes even if they are also crying. Please don’t stop loving me.

That light, that light, please illuminate my sins

Where I can’t turn back the red blood is flowing down

Deeper, I feel like dying every day

Please let me be punished

Please forgive me for my sins

Please

The song ends with him begging to be forgiven. Begging to be accepted. He is hurting so much he wants to die and he just needs their love. Sin is once again mentioned, twice this time.

To finish off, Tae is the only member who has chosen not to share the meaning behind the song. The darkest song out of all seven of them, left without context. Because the context is already in it.

It is also interesting to note that we all know Tae went through some shit near the end of last year and the beginning of this year. I do know that his grandma’s passing is a big part of it. But the thing is, Stigma comes from a very deep place within him. Everyone who has read the lyrics can tell that the one who wrote them has been through a lot of pain. Something is so dark is bound to put you through hell for at least a while. It is a song that basically shows self-hate. I’m sure those of you who are also LGBT+ will recognize the feeling he described so well. I do believe he went through a serious path to get to a point where he accepts himself. And he does confirm he has gone through a lot in the letter he wrote to JM.

2.       When he fell in love with the photographer in 2 hours

https://twitter.com/ironchim/status/917878874779848704 - here is the video of the moment I’m talking about.

Main thing I’d like to point out here is how shy he gets when YG makes fun of him for having a crush on the photographer. I’m sure this reminds some of you of that time JM fell for the helicopter pilot.

3.       The reason behind his love for Gucci

Tae has said that one of his role models is Alessandro Michele, the creative director of Gucci. Here is one instance where he has said it - https://mimibtsghost.tumblr.com/post/161685823623/vs-taehyung-profile-eng-trans-name-kim . First, I’d like to point out the fact that Alessandro is an openly gay man with a long-term partner. He is also someone who has been very outspoken about LGBT+ issues, which can also be seen in one of his collection that directly challenges gender expression. Here we can also bring up Gucci’s rainbow love. The abundance of rainbow attire in Gucci is linked not only to colors but also to the gay flag. This may answer people’s questions about why some of us are making a big deal out of Tae’s Gucci phone case with the rainbow UFO and recently the same UFO as a pin on JK’s tie at 2017’s Gayo Daejun. Knowing that Tae’s role model is Alessandro conforms that he is aware of the meaning behind it.

4.       Ryan McGinley

Another one of his role models is Ryan McGinley (as mentioned in the post linked above). Who is Ryan McGinley you may ask? Another openly gay artist. He is a photographer known for his nude pictures, many of which are of men and of gay couples. Here is what Tae has said about him:

5.       This

6.       Ante Badzim

 *gasps* another gay photographer he idolizes. The two of them actually had a sort of collaboration (exchange of photographs) and Ante is the one who came up with the nickname Vante. Here is TH’s part of the exchange:

And here is what Ante gave back:

7.       “I can understand now why people look at you and go ‘oh’”

Let us never forget the time Tae posted a series of picture he took of HS on fancafe and accompanied them with this poem:

8.       Lack of boundaries with skinship

Now, we all know that SK is a lot more open when it comes to skinship between friends. But what we also know is that even in SK, there are some boundaries. Things that make people raise their brows. And Tae is very prone to those. Here are some examples:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKQu4v0Pyvo

As much as some may just want to say “he’s just a touchy person”, I as a very touchy person who is LGBT+ and has many LGBT+ friends, can tell you that there is a thing like skinship being platonic at the same time as there being no hetero explanation for what is happening. When LGBT+ friends are together touchiness and flirting takes on a whole new form, believe me.

9.       That time he accidentally called a co actor handsome and got super shy about it

In an interview with him and two of his costars from Hwarang they were, I believe, reacting to the drama. At one point Tae reacted to Hyungsik by quietly mumbling “You are handsome” but the other actors and the staff heard him and started laughing and he got so shy he tried to disappear off-screen.

10.   This

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpLTlXAL-0Q

11.   I mean….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpfTP3ibqh0&index=5&list=PLAw_Pp0vdPw1_TzREMD0J5pcXmtlwOTWK

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ChR_wd2rHA&index=3&list=PLAw_Pp0vdPw1_TzREMD0J5pcXmtlwOTWK

– Someone please give me a straight explanation for this, I’m begging you

12.   Checking guys out

We can’t just ignore how many times he has directly checked guys out (we all know how he has a habit of leaving his mouth hanging open when he’s amazed by something). Here is an example of this but if you do your own research you will find a lot more:

(Credit to the creator of the gif, I apologize that I couldn’t find who made it. If it’s you please contact me so I can give propper credit).

In conclusion, I am not saying Tae is definitely LGBT+ but you shouldn’t be saying he’s definitely straight either because there are reasons to believe he may not be.

Cheers!

[larrydiary]

I’m a Larry shipper, right? Why am i disappointed at the fandom, after coming back to it... +What even is Larry? + How can we save the ship

I was going through tumblr and came across some posts by anti’s 

First of all I want to clarify that I DONT hate Eleanor, I actually used to stan her a bit. I had these blogs about her and made a page saying We ship happiness or something with Elounor as avatar. I follow her on all my social media. Even if people say she’s untalented. She graduated Uni plus has a good sense of fashion so eh let’s forget that “beard” stuff. Let me live!

So why do we ship Larry. You have multiple types:

The O.G’s: They have been here since the first 2 years, anywhere between x factor days and 2012. They saw how close H+L were and started shipping them, probably from videos like this:

Be it platonically or romantically, they just thought they were cute together and loved seeing them interact and mess around. Right now they have either moved on from it all or are still here, using past moments as ‘proof’ or just still love their relationship, be it platonically or romantically. A lot use old blog posts and videos as a way to convince the newer generation that Larry was and is something, they promote their friendship mainly . Again, not all of them make up theories and see every moment as proof. 

It is also quite obvious that since a lot of em are a bit older, that they ship Larry without being too annoying. That doesn’t count for everyone however...

New Gen. 2013-2015: These shippers either found out about 1D a bit later or just found out about Larry. They have watched countless proof videos and are convinced that H+L are together. By doing so much research they’ve learned a lot about Larry. They probably use the dug up moments and posts from the OG’s as a way to convince others that Larry is real or at least tell them about the ship.

1) So you have the shippers who DEFINITELY ship it and are 99.9% convinced it’s real and even when they start to doubt it they watch a lot of videos to re-convince themselves it’s real. They are often found analysing everything H+L do. 

1.5) Some even go so far as to hate on the GF’s, and sometimes they don’t even realise they are doing it. Traits: Call the GF’s names, try ‘their best’ to not disclose who they are talking about but do a terrible job at it (E.G “E is such a bitch, I don’t like her, neither do I like Br, ew!”), hate on the GF’s without reason (E.G. They see a picture of said GF and rant about how terrible they are, without good motives.), automatically dislike any woman who get’s associated with H or L, especially when the media reports they are rumoured to be dating. Even if it’s just an interviewer, a family member/friend, or a celebrity that H/L admire/look up to/respect/befriended. Ahem.

Apparently that is what people call, ‘a Larrie’.

2) You also have the shippers who mainly love their friendship. They’re okay with whatever as long as the two are happy and have a healthy friendship. They want them to interact more but don’t want to force the shipping thing. They don’t really research and dig a lot. They just admire and support from a distance.

They’re usually new to it, and chose not to fall into the rabbit-hole of Larry, maybe a friend introduced them to it, or just have other OTP’s and don’t really want to pay too much attention to Larry.

3) You have the people who are right in between. They would LOVE it if the two were together but aren’t mad at the fact they might just simply be friends. They like the concept of them dating, they might love Larry videos, make or love fanart, read or write fanfics. That in my opinion is the true definition of shipping, just loving the concept and idea of two people being together, having the opinion that they fit together. Nothing else! They want to think it’s real, but don’t force it. They always rethink what is proof and what is not. Always try to find a logical answer and are not afraid to deny said ‘proof’ but also on the other hand, try their best to convince others that there was something going on between them and possibly still is. E.G. they tell people stories about the past, show them footage, but do not want to force the people to believe it’s real. They don’t try to indoctrinate them. They just want to share the ship...

Aka the said friend of version 2.

It’s probably quite obvious i am that one^ 

So let’s see. People started shipping it cause they were always so close. And the others knew, they saw. They lowkey shipped it. The looks they gave the two, the “You two are so cute!” ~Niall, when Harry said his valentine was Louis. the ‘You two are together, aren’t you?” by Liam, the “When was the last time you kissed a girl?” ~int “When was the last time you liked it?” ~ Liam. Niall’s looks and smirks at the two. The boys teased them about it a lot and it was all fun!

There were even people who asked them if they were dating, and when Louis was going to propose to Harry. And did they mind? No! Because even if half of the people who shipped them were kind of convinced they were going out, the two still played along, made jokes about it and fed the shippers. They loved to see the shippers reaction, they chose to queer 1D, despite the rumours and jealous guys trying to hate on 1D, calling them stupid names.

Just a side note. watch this

Korean boybands can do this... why can’t Larry? And you know that Kpop management companies are a lot like Modest... Even worse sometimes, you know that South Korea isn’t nearly as open to the LGBT as the west. YET THEY GET AWAY WITH IT!!!

People wrote fanfics, made fanart, made compilation videos(Larry moments), it was okay!

But then stuff started changing. Even when Louis said he had a GF, the two were seen acting in a way that made it seem he did not have a GF at all, similar to how they were right when Louis’ relationship with Hannah ended. Sometimes even worse. People loved it! JOKING that GF was hired! But there were people who took it TOO FAR! They hated on the girl, sent her hate, tried to sabotage their relationship. Louis didn’t like it. 

Now to back paddle a bit. Yes it was quite obvious Harry did like Louis to an extent. And Louis didn’t mind. He was there for the boy. Cared for him like his little brother, as a best friend. People thought Louis was gay cause he was quite flamboyant, well what do you get after growing up with so many sisters? Plus, have you seen him when he was a teen? I used to follow him on Bebo. He had girlfriends, and they were real. Now, not saying they’re 100% straight either, chill down, people. 

I guess through the years, Louis actually started to like Harry too. Maybe? No? Okay! but there was definitely some man love going on, as H+L friend would say. More fuel for the shippers.

To that point it was okay. But to resume what I started to say about the GF. People turned into pricks! Even IF the GF was hired, which i don’t want to comment on, sending hate to her went too far. We don’t need that kind of negativity in our fandom. It broke us apart! It made us all less close... 

Fast forward a bit and we are in the “She’s my girlfriend, People genuinely think me and Harry are together!” era! The two started getting less close. Presumably because they caught on. Louis found out about the hate, obviously. He thought that minimising the touchiness with Harry would make things less complicated. But it made it worse cause people found out. By now you have two sides. The side which realised what they were doing and is even more convinced that GF is fake, cause ahaha why would he do that to his poor Hazza if Modest! didn’t tell him to? And the side who started to believe in Louis+GF more. By now you know I’m talking about Eleanor but yeah.

So you can either believe Modest was there from the start and hired Eleanor, (who had a friend who worked at Modest) Because Modest didn’t like the idea of two guys being in a relationship going public, having her be the muse, the lover, the topic of the songs, or that Modest started interfering when they found out about the rumours getting worse.

The latter can mean that Larry was nothing more than a Bromance (or a one sided love cause Harry liked Louis, it was mutual but they stayed friends for the benefit of... being friends. You almost can’t deny that and if you do then i guess it was just a theory) and when the rumours went overboard, Modest took action and told them to stop being so touchy feely.

Harry for example, only get’s rumoured to be dating someone,he get’s papped hanging around a girl and the second it gets out, new articles start to sprout out of nowhere, and whenever things do get “confirmed” they never end well or last as long as Elounor did.They are mostly high profile people. He’s been getting labeled as a womaniser since pretty much the start of their career. That somewhat correlated with Larry since the womaniser image got people to not believe in the HxL rumours too seriously.  

I made a rant about that in 2012 but it was super messy so i’m not going to go into that.

Either way, them being less close made people even more suspicious and to this day, even after them awkwardly denying rumours, even after Zayn saying it is not real. People believe they are together. Why? cause proof videos. I believe that if you are a true anti, you should at least dare to watch the 30 most iconic Larry moments, and if after all that you still stand by your opinion, then respect to you. 

There were far too many suspicious moments. Even if half of what they were trying to do was  a joke. You can not deny that they really loved each other. And something ruined it. 

The thing about their management company glaring at them or giving signs of approval whenever they do something wrong, or the thing about them giving signals not to answer a question is not made up. There is actual footage of them looking behind the camera and the interviewer saying they have to either stop an interview or saying they are not allowed to ask that. 

So why would the management company do such a thing when it is so obvious that the fans really like shipping the two boys?

The reason is because, even if the fans have no problem with it, others do. Outsiders do. A lot of celebrities don’t get permitted to come out. They have to act a certain way and get introduced to girls they have to date for a month or two, sometimes even years. With every generation you have a group of people who completely despise the concept of gay relationships. 

Now there are some groups and artists who’ve come out and are doing perfectly fine. But if you have as big as an audience as One Direction, things become more problematic. It is not only the fact that hundreds of girls who feel they have a chance with the boys or are raised not to approve of anything that has to do with the LGBTQ+ (so they grew up with homophobic parents) pretty much get a slap to the face. It’s that they will get so much attention that all the homophobic people in the world, potentially people who can influence a big group of people, will possibly start to hate on them, all these kids who are unfortunate enough to have closed minded parents will not be allowed to listen to the boys anymore. Their entire image will have a massive switch.

Now that they are solo, they have far more time to focus on themselves. Time to reshape and tweak their public image, time and space to show the world who they really are. They are breaking free from the bubble gum pop bubble. They are free to do whatever they want

When they first got put together, people started to say stuff like “One Direction is gay” Using ‘gay’ as an insult just to seem cool cause people thought that liking One Direction was shameful. Especially because of the often obnoxious fans. People simply did not want to be associated with them. But One Direction grew!

I don’t see them coming out any time soon. At this point i am not even sure if they are still together. Especially with the recent events regarding Louis.

I want to say that when Louis and Eleanor first started dating, it was quite awkward, but their relationship started looking realer as time passed by.  This time, it just does not at all. Not judging her, i love her. It’s just strange. She got back with someone who “cheated” on her and has a kid with someone else, you’d expect her to ask her boyfriend to do a paternity test. But that is their thing. They can do whatever they want.

Also regarding recent events. Harry seems to be so much more free. He’s swinging and waving around LGBT flags and is being more flamboyant than ever. 

Flashback to a couple of years ago when the boy said he liked girls, didn’t like nail polish or make up, and talked about girls. The boys kept mentioning he’s changed. They of all people would understand what exactly changed. 

Now about Louis.

That is just weird. Moving on.

I believe that we should all just chill and stop the negativity, I didn’t want to believe the misogyny until someone pointed it out to me, don’t get me wrong, i did see it before, but when I came back to this fandom I didn’t think it would be so much worse. 

Theories get annoying unless there is proof, in my opinion you can do whatever you like with them, as long as you are aware that your theory might be false/debunkable! 

You can ship it as much as you want but DON’T send hate to the GF’s, like, if you ship Larry, why waste time on them in the first place?

Maybe if we all stop commenting Larry on everything we see, maybe then they will come back as close as they were before. Cause it was quite prominent that Harry was saddened by it. They have good and bad memories from the ship. 

Just please guys, Larry is fun and i love it, but what I don’t like is all these “shippers” who point at Larry and management, everytime something happens between the two.

But I also don’t like people who attack the shippers, without listening to them first, stand in each others shoes, try to understand each other and why the other person thinks a certain way, step out of your own shoes for once ahaha. We’ll get to understand each other more that way. WE ALL HAVE TO HAVE AN OPEN MIND!!!

Louis said this:

“My main hope for the future is that we all remain best friends throughout everything. I would hate it if anything ‘affected?’ our friendships.”

Sadly something did happen, we have two years to fix things. Maybe i’m just crazy cause i miss the good old days. But let’s at least consider it.

Can we make a plan? Start shipping Larry the way we did in 2011. Just secretly. Let’s not go overboard and theorise everything. Even if it is just for a couple of months. Let’s focus on the friendship! Make them believe we have moved on and know it’s just friendship. I really want to focus on that the next couple of years. 

I call it the Larry Reset! Hopefully now there won’t be an article to come out which says “Larry shippers have moved on and have accepted that Larry was a Bromance. Want it back the way it was.” Actually tbh let that happen!

[scripturehomosexuality]

“Why are you peddling erotica on this website? I thought this was a Christian blog.”

For the record, this was not an actual submitted question. However, given the content of the new “Additional Links” page, I’m sure that some visitors are asking these questions. Within that page, I provide links to tumblr blogs that are sexually explicit. In fact, those links are the most explicit this blog has ever featured.

To make clear my own position about the Bible, erotica and sex, I’ll answer them right now.

As such, Hebrews 5:14 exerted a big influence on my thinking, which speaks of those “who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong.” (New Living Translation) In other words, the Bible cannot make rules on everything. Most things aren’t black and white. Given the many principles that the Bible teaches, Christians must use them to sharpen their judgement, to discern what is right and wrong.

As such, when we analyse how the Bible discusses sex, we quickly discover that sex cannot be judged as black (all bad) or white (all good).

For the purposes of this discussion, sex will be defined as any penetrative or non-penetrative activity that results in an orgasm.

All Sex Isn’t Bad

There are many Biblical passages that frankly depict sexual matters. A select few passages do so in titillating ways. An example is Song of Solomon 7:1 which reads, “The curves of your thighs are like jewelry, the handiwork of a master.” (Holman Standard Christian Bible). Verse 3 says further, “Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.” (International Standard Version) Meanwhile, Proverbs 5:19 says the following, “Like a loving deer, a beautiful doe, let her breasts satisfy you all the time. Be constantly intoxicated by her love.” (ISV)

When the Bible uses such sensual language, these passages surely weren’t meant for dry textbook reading. They were meant to provoke a reaction. A book encouraging prudery certainly wouldn’t do that.

In fact, these passages further show what anthropologists have discovered - erotica is as old as the human race. On a basic level, this shows another dimension of human storytelling, in which we want to hear the experiences of others. This evidently includes our sexual experiences, in which we want to “show and tell” about our sexual experiences. As humans, we get sexual pleasure from seeing and hearing others’ stories of sexual pleasure.

I’m positive that the Bible writers knew this, because they were people too. Yet, they used such provocative language in their text. Evidently, expressions of sexuality aren’t wrong in themselves.

Furthermore, in certain areas the Bible is far less restrictive than people like to think. For example, no Bible passage comes close to prohibiting masturbation. Even though it was openly practiced around the Bible writers, there isn’t a peep about it anywhere in the text. Likewise, as we’ve covered many times before, the Bible doesn’t condemn all same-sex behavior and attraction. Yet, Christianity rails hard against both, and is far more restrictive than the Bible in these areas.

As you can probably tell, being a Christian is different from being a prude. Given these passages, it’s impossible to be a Christian and believe all sex is dirty, nasty, and disgusting. Instead, Christians must recognize sex as a clean, natural and beautiful expression of love and affection. Christians must be willing to freely embrace sex and sexual expression in their own lives.

All Sex Isn’t Good

At the same time, there are several instances where the Bible condemns certain types and forms of sex.

Bestiality and incest are rigorously condemned. Prostitution is never described in positive terms, and all Israelites were prohibited from serving as prostitutes. Extramarital and premarital opposite-sex contact are never allowable. As we have covered in the blog, the Bible opposes any practice of anal sex by anyone, whether same-sex or opposite-sex.

Thus, the Bible quickly shows that it is not blindly saying that all sex is good.

Yet, in the short list I just mentioned, I’m sure you noticed a running theme. All the types of sex condemned involve some incongruity, where they fit into one or more of these categories:

biological anarchy (bestiality, incest, anal play)

exploitation (prostitution, rape)

STD transmission (extramarital and premarital opposite-sex contact, anal play)

high pregnancy risk (extramarital and premarital opposite-sex contact, prostitution)

Through this, we quickly understand what exactly the Bible calls immoral sex. It basically opposes any sex where, from an objective standpoint, someone is bound to get hurt or disadvantaged. It doesn’t matter whether that someone is born or unborn.

So Christendom’s definition of immoral sex - “anything that God says you shouldn’t do” - isn’t entirely accurate. While God indeed commanded his worshippers to not do these acts, it was for a reason. He didn’t say these things just because he can, which makes him sound like a spiteful dictator. Instead, the definition of “immoral sex” connects to the general definition of “immoral”, of being reckless and unethical. Because these acts can harm someone, doing them displays a conscienceless and careless attitude, and are therefore immoral.

On a higher level, we also better understand the message described in the subheading. While the Bible recognizes sex as something clean and good, it also recognizes situations that can pervert its virtue. To protect the sanctity of sex, those particular arrangements are condemned.

The Role of the Christian Conscience

To be clear, there are things that the Bible considers always good, such as love, peace, patience, and self control. There are also things the Bible considers always bad, such as hatred, jealousy, drunkenness, and unbridled anger. On these matters, there isn’t much basis to argue that, for example, love is evil and jealousy is good.

However, there are a number of areas that aren’t entirely good or bad. In those cases, the Bible provides general principles upon which judgements must be made. As Christians, it is up to us not to view all things in black and white terms. In most parts of life, some things are good, and some things are bad. We must be willing to make distinctions between the clean and unclean, the harmless and the dangerous, and make fair judgements based on that. We cannot mindlessly paint everything with a broad brush.

As we’ve just seen, sex is one of those things. This also affects judgements on erotica, since erotica is basically depictions of sexual behavior. There are two extremes about erotica that currently exist:

Erotica that is relatively tame, which depicts behavior that is harmless and innocent (yes, sexual behavior can be innocent)

Erotica that is blatantly exploitative, dangerous and risky

As the writer of this blog, my own conscience had to find a middle ground between the two extremes, to decide how this blog would treat erotic content.

With all this in mind, I’ve made the following decision. In certain passages, the Bible uses language that is unambiguously erotic. God can’t view all sexual expression (or observation of such) as bad, or else that language wouldn’t be there. When the Bible doesn’t censor its own eroticism, I see no reason to hide or avoid explicit depictions of sex.

By extension, something else quickly becomes evident - God never wanted sex to be a compartmentalized “guilty pleasure” that humans couldn’t avoid. He never wanted it to be something that was too dirty for children to know. Instead, it’s intended to be fully integrated into everyday life, for young and old. It’s meant to be as normal and commonplace as eating, drinking, and sleeping. Since it’s a normal and natural human desire, it shouldn’t be hidden.

As proof, review the discussion of the “marital due” in 1 Corinthians, which was originally a letter to the Corinthian Christians. Even though that letter was read to audiences with young people, the Apostle Paul (its writer) didn’t mince words. Furthermore, given that same-sex eroticism was likely practiced among unmarried young Christians, they would have some knowledge of sexual pleasure. Because of Paul’s openness, and the likely sexual exploits of young Christians, this topic probably wasn’t awkward. Sex was an natural everyday activity for all ages, so there was no reason to be stiff about it.

As such, if this blog tiptoed around even innocent displays of sexuality, it would reinforce those incorrect views. By freely showing vivid depictions of sex, this blog graphically shows that sex isn’t anything that must be hidden. Instead, it should be freely and seamlessly included within one’s daily activities and pleasures, and as openly discussed as favorite dishes and recipes. As long as the sex didn’t cause any objective harm, no fuss needed to be made about it. Otherwise, discomfort with sex would signal deeper discomfort with oneself.

Along with that, this blog talks about sexual behavior that most might not know, like frot or tribbing. Written descriptions can only go so far. As a result, I feel no conflict in giving links to websites that leave little to the imagination, and display behavior that is healthier and far more pleasurable.

The same logic goes for nudity, which is why I posted nude photos in posts like these.

At the same time, I’m under obligation not to encourage sexual behavior that is dangerous, exploitative, and thus immoral. This is why in the websites I cited, the presence of anal play is virtually minimal.

I’m not going to say the sites are perfect. Posts showing anal play are very infrequent, but do occur on some of these sites. That shows the pervasiveness of the anal sex ethos in the “gay” community. In that case, I expect my readers to exercise their own intelligence and consciences, and recognize these acts as objectively disadvantageous and that I do not endorse them.

I think I take a responsible position. I do not treat sex as a dirty act that must be hidden, because it is not. At the same time, I cannot blindly say that all sex is okay, which is why certain acts have a minimal presence in the links attached.

In fact, our messy attitudes on sex exist because dualistic thinking is so prevalent. The Religious Right feels that all sex is bad. It is only tolerated (note that I didn’t say “embraced”) within opposite-sex marriage, and to them, all other situations must be severely punished. Meanwhile, the “gay” establishment feels that all sex is good, and no one should make judgement calls on danger or morality. As a result, depression and STDs plague the “gay” community, because no one wants to say that certain acts are simply detrimental and should not be done.

In other words, neither extreme benefits the common good. A moderate approach will yield the most benefit. To me, it is also the most Christian approach.

Plus, the “Additional Links” page might have an unintended effect that would be educational. The page gives links for sexual activity among men and among women. Most likely, viewers won’t stick to watching their own gender. Instead, men might drift into the links about female activity, and women might wander into the links about men. Thus, “gay” men might be aroused by female-female activity, and “lesbian” women might get turned on by male-male activity. In this way, they might finally understand one of this blog’s messages - that most people are actually bisexual.

In conclusion, this blog reaffirms that it is indeed a Christian website. In fact, because it is Christian, it feels no conflict in attaching erotica that display harmless and innocent sexual activity. Being a Christian is very different from being a prude. Being the former should help one understand humanity on a deeper level, while being the latter demonstrates a total lack of understanding.

Sex is not a “guilty pleasure” controlled by supposedly base urges, which must be segregated from other parts of life. Instead, it is something that should be embraced without guilt, and seamlessly woven into one’s life. Something that is so natural and normal doesn’t have to be hidden. This blog promotes this healthy viewpoint by freely displaying depictions of sex. In looking at those links, readers might discover new sides to their sexuality.

Don’t think being religious requires shame about one’s sexuality. In fact, by embracing sex, you can better understand how sex is a gift from God, and how much we should give that gift the appreciation it deserves.

Post Scriptum (Added on 1/25/2018)

By including these links to erotica, some visitors might think I’m contradicting some of my words. Since most of the erotica displayed is produced by “gay” porn companies, I might appear to be supporting the involvement of capitalism and neoliberalism in sex. This is a link I have strongly criticized.

That is not the case at all. To make my point, I will attach the following excerpt from a Man2Man Alliance post entitled “I'm so grateful this resource is available because it has changed my life”:

~~~

...one of our guys wrote to me recently and said, We need more Frot porn.

If there was more Frot porn, he said, there'd be more guys into Frot.

That's not correct.

In point of fact, producers of "professional porn" know about cocktocock dick2dick cockrub Frot.

It's their business to know about it.

They don't produce dick2dick porn because the market is too small -- there's no money in it.

For example, just today I got an email from a pornographer advertising a new nude fight site.

And no, I'm not going to post the name here because many of our guys are just stupid and venial enough that they'd go to the site and give the guy money.

But what the site is about is "wrestling for top."

Two guys "wrestle" and the "winner" fucks the "loser."

That's an expression of the subculture's values and views about sex.

Believe me, the producer of the porn doesn't care what happens at the end of the "bout."

He's only interested in money -- and maximizing the return on his investment.

If there were money in having the "actors" rub cocks -- that's what he'd have em do.

The pornographer is simply responding to the market.

And the market is an expression of the CULTURE.

~~~~

This excerpt contains an important point, and includes erotica showing other non-penetrative acts: non-anal erotica isn’t common because there’s simply no money in it.

This means that companies that produce only non-anal porn aren’t rich. For companies that usually produce anal porn, their non-anal videos might sell at losses. The “gay” market simply has no interest in it. Most “gay” consumers are only into porn that somehow features anal.

That’s why there are so few links featured on that page. Even as that page grows, the number of links will remain rather low. There are relatively few homoerotic Tumblr blogs that don’t prominently feature anal. For every non-anal video featured on “gay” porn sites, there are thousands more that do show anal.

Thus, attaching these links cannot be an endorsement of capitalism’s involvement in sex. Capitalism simply isn’t interested in it. Under present conditions, shunning depiction of anal is bad for business.

However, that isn’t a bad thing, as shown by another excerpt from that same page:

~~~

...by the way -- will that be a good thing, the pro's getting in there and producing Frot porn?

NO!

The world doesn't need more porn, professionally produced or otherwise.

It needs more MORALITY in sex.

That's what it needs.

~~~

Those statements don’t mean that erotica should be opposed. Just before this excerpt, Alliance founder Bill Weintraub (the person quoted) plugged a frot erotica website run by an Alliance member.

Instead, Mr. Weintraub is saying that inculcating morality into sex is much more important.

That is the aim of the “Additional Links” page - to introduce more moral ways to have sex, to show that sex can be a clean pleasure that need not be overly restricted.

That goes against endorsing capitalist elements, and in fact goes beyond them. Instead, it’s more focused on humanitarian needs, and helping all of humanity become more in tune with itself.

[castawxayaway]

in the middle

why is it that since I got requests I have just gone a bit AWOL? i’m sorry, it has been a few days since I posted and it’s been me and my headspace right now- i’m spacey. i hope you like this though, and of course it had to be the artist that it is, if you know anything about me this is who I personally am in love with right now (music and person wise). 

if you requested something from me it is coming! i promise I haven’t forgotten about it (entirely) and they will all be done before wednesday as that is when i’m at reading festival for almost a week. 

also I wanna do a q+a for my youtube, so if you have any questions about anything (literally anything) send them in! if you want to be anon be anon I don’t mind. just something I want to do and tumblr is a good platform to ask for mixed questions :)

love you guys  🖤

prompt list / collection of my writing / requests open *nudge nudge*

Unable to get the lyrics out of my head I find myself tapping on the keyboard, my foot bouncing to the rhythm and soon enough I am singing the words under my breath. I can’t stop myself from going online and straight to Twitter where many of my bizarre thoughts lie filled with numbers from others in agreement or sheer curiosity. 

cannot get the song ‘In the Middle’ by dodie out of my head! the lyrics to ‘intertwined’ are something else #obsessed 

Immediately I see lots of responses in agreement, some from pages dedicated to the singer and others recommending me other songs. The known smile forms on my face as my screen goes dark, giving me the chance to see my reflection before it turns itself back on and becomes flooded with life. Twitter is one of those platforms where you can just talk to anyone, I’ve been lucky enough to connect with various artists through Twitter, have them praise my lyrics and even ask for my help with producing a song or two for their albums or EPs. 

My job isn’t the easiest, it can be challenging at times, but it pays off when you can hear it on the radio, or talked about online; just like dodie’s is. I sit for a while and scroll through the tweets change in my mentions and focus around someone besides dodie, instead they focus around Bastille. 

Leaning in closer to my laptop I analyse their comments; ‘omg dan loves her work!’ ‘shit you know her too? dan was tweeting about her the other day’ ‘@bastilledan another reason why you two could be super cute together’ they all differed in opinions, but they all kept mentioning him and me along with dodie. Seems like I am the one in the middle this time. 

Part of me wanted to see if he’d respond too, if he even knew who I was. I’ve worked with bands like his, but none of them have ever been as unique as Bastille is. Their lyrics hit you somewhere unknown inside, they delve through all the hidden and buried emotions, bringing them to the surface for four minutes at a time. They are a reminder at times of what we should value, what can easily be lost when we least expect it. Eventually I give up on waiting, I leave my phone at my desk and go to my music room and work on some lyrics knowing that I have a meeting with a new musician in a few days. 

A few hours had passed and I had barely been able to get anything done, the jitters over Dan were settling as curiosity was consuming me and ruining my creative abilities. I kept telling myself to just test these lyrics with these notes, but it was no use. Sitting I stare at the blank notebook, nothing achieved due to my phone calling my name, whispering possibilities in the other room. “Oh fuck it.” I mumble to myself as I rush to my phone as if my life depends on it. 

Scrolling through the masses of notifications to do with the three of us I see one that catches my eye and makes me smile. ‘EeeeeEkkkk it’s you! you like my music??? I listened to your work for YEARS l o l <3′ dodie, a true sweetheart. Shifting my focus from dodie I can feel my heart pause until I see it, until my eyes can find it fast enough for everything to resume. 

‘I wasn’t sure if anyone else really knew of her for the music she does? good to know you love her too!’ ‘as much as I admire her talent, instrumental is a great piece of music, don’t you agree?’ 

I glanced over his words, the words he had aimed at me to read and respond to. Fans immediately got on board, responding, freaking out and fanning their hearts out; which is exactly what I wanted to do, but no I am going to keep my cool. It’s only Dan Smith, an incredibly talented musician and lyricist. Only.

We talked back and forth via tweets, dodie along with others unable to keep up with the excitement of fellow people within the music realm discussing her work, but it was getting to that point where fans were suffocating. Suffocating is that point where the meaning of the conversation is lost in the feed of fans losing their shit, those who love bastille favouring or protecting them/Dan from wanting to speak to me. 

Rolling my eyes I just went to DM him instead, knowing it would be easier in some aspects, but more difficult to not mess it up. After a few messages were exchanged I eased into it more, we both did. Our conversation slowly moved away from dodies music, towards the direction of my own- specifically my writing process and how it is to write for others and not so much myself. 

‘Writing for myself is always a personal thing, some songs I write and I know I can’t share it or give it to someone else to release. Most things I write I tailor for them specifically, I work with them to get the best result rather than put myself in them, I put them in me- not literally obviously!’ 

Why did I send that, it sounded so rare and professional, but like always I cocked it up. 

‘No no, I see where you’re coming from. There are so many songs I wrote and published, but I never perform them, really talk about them. Sometimes I wonder what if I did? What if I were willing to perform them again? But it was before Bastille, that was when I was just ‘Dan Smith’ and it doesn’t seem like the right thing to do.’ 

‘As if it is outdated?’

‘I think it is and isn’t. Some music can be timeless.’

‘Like The Beatles?’ 

‘Yes, but also the likes of Kendrick Lamar.’

‘So you’re an in between then? Somewhere along the scale of being too caught up recent affairs and stuck in the past?’

‘Unfortunately so. But how come you’ve never published under you, as in become an artist and not just lyricist?’

I lean back in my chair as I read over the message. It’s not something I’ve been asked for years, my parents enquired why I wouldn’t do it myself, but I felt too vulnerable in my young adulthood. Now it is a different story, but I just don’t think I could do it. 

‘Conformity, pressure, the stress. When I write a band or an artist a song that is my role done, I get the contract, I write the songs and I get paid. I hear it and my name is written legally as the lyricist, but I have no other ties that are so severe. It prevents me from getting overly exposed, risk of being watched 24/7. I’m just afraid to try really.’ 

He doesn’t respond for a while unlike before. Maybe that was too much, a bit too honest for someone he doesn’t really know besides the work I produce for others. I resume my work as I listen to the rain beating down against my window, trying its hardest to fight through the glass with little success. Now I find myself humming his songs, not dodies. I tap my pen and play a few notes that I can remember off of the top of my head. Interrupting my moment of distraction my phone goes off, he’s back. 

‘Would you like to meet up with me sometime? It may seem a little forward, but I would love to discuss music, possibly working on something together. Only if you’re comfortable doing so. I’ve heard your work, as in your work when you did a few videos prior to writing for others. I didn’t know how to tell you that without sounding like a creep, but I would love to see that person, only if you’ll let me?’ 

My mind wanders back to those years when I would set up my brothers camera on a stack of books as I played on my piano with a small microphone by me to hear my voice above the piano. I forgot I had those uploaded, now no one really knows about it as it remains hidden in the depths of the internet, yet somehow he found it. He actually watched my 19 year old self nervously introduced myself and the song before that part of me melted away into the song. It was an offer to get back into that, to reopen that side of my music that has not been truly revisited for years. 

Glancing over to my notebook, to the second one that is filled messily with tea stains, small doodles and hundreds upon hundreds of lyrics I compare it to the neat, carefully colour coded organised one that I use for other artists and not myself. I used to have fun writing songs, but of late I’ve lost the heart to it. 

Licking my lips I sit behind my piano and envision myself again, that part of me I loved. I close my eyes and my fingers naturally find the keys that I memorised, my mouth opens and the lyrics are still there, despite being shrouded in multiple songs since. It was the first song I truly wrote, the one that I was actually proud to call my own that only few have seen online; Dan being one of those few. 

I reach over for my phone, wanting to thank him for a reminder of why I write music. That sometimes you need to just re-evaluate what is happening around you, to go back to what you know in order to keep creating music. 

‘That sounds like a plan, thank you Dan. It may seem odd, but having a small conversation with you I feel as if I have rediscovered my music. It’s something that is easier to explain in person. How is next week?’ 

As I send the message I can’t wipe the smile, it differs from the smile for the fans on Twitter. It is one of giddiness, of excitement for what is to come with my music, with meeting the musician and lyricist who has lived in the same boat I have for possibly longer. Fans still conspire amongst themselves about our absences, so I leave them wondering with a tweet to an old song of mine. 

‘For the person who made me realise why I do what I do’

[aikainkauna]

I still can't reply to replies because of Tumblr's new interface, so I have to respond to this very good point by @acitymadeofsong this way.

And yes. This is a big problem, because it seems like many writing gurus and teachers and BOFQs seem to treat it as an either/or thing: either you write sparse, sober prose *or* turgid, purple prose; there's *nothing* in between. Now, I know that especially in the zine era, there were mountains of azure orbs and limpid pools around. So that led into an attitude where every bit of poetry and every metaphor resulted in a kneejerky "that's badfic!" reaction from the critic and the readers and the writers themselves. And that deprived us of a lot of really good poetry, I feel. Hell, *I* have a superbly honed sense for romance cliches myself by now--and don't get me wrong, this puritanism did, in fact, help me as a writer in a "know the rules before you start rolling up the rulebook and smoking it" kind of way--but this terror of the dread demon of purpleness has got me to a point where I have to *constantly* slap myself upside the head to remind myself that it's not only ok, but *in character* for me to put poetic thoughts and lines into my characters' heads and mouths when I'm writing Thief of Bagdad fic.

The movie itself is a really great example of beautiful, poetic language that does hold together well even now, despite there always being some whiny, cynical asshats in the audience who think they're tough by moaning about its "corniness"--and I always think that they are doing themselves--hell, even their very own humanity--a disservice. "Were you never an innocent, dreaming child?" I think. "Are you *happy* in having thrown your dreams of romantic adventure and beauty onto the pyre of postmodern nihilism?" Because of course, those people aren't--the whole point of that film was to allow people to escape (especially since WWII broke out during filming), and it's *explicit* about the value and power of the mind of an innocent child. It's the last, defiant dying cry of Romanticism before the war crushed it. Its dialogue and storytelling were unabashedly Romantic even for the time, a loud cry in favour of the fairytale without a *shred* of cynicism, thanks to which the film is so incredibly pure--and thus refreshing, a merciful respite, a balm. So it was serving that same urge that I am defending here, really; therefore, I would be committing a crime against it were I not faithful to that same spirit of hope and passion that ran through it.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the whole sparse prose mafia thing. I think that this is also heavily cultural. I keep seeing posts on here from American kids complaining about their teachers wanting to make everyone write like Hemingway. Ah, Papa Hemingway. Now, he's a particularly painful example in that you can see the guy *did* feel, and did have even crazily romantic emotions, but his work reads like a classic process of machismo crushing all that, suffocating that, and him just not having been given any tools for handling those emotions because society robs men of that. If anything, it should be analysed as a warning example of how the culture of masculinity fucks guys over.

But in other countries, it's crazily different--I knew a Spanish girl who was an aspiring academic, and even at her university, the teachers pressured everyone to write academic text in this really old-fashioned, formal, conversational style. As in, "we should be grateful for the way the ancients..." and "the old truth of X has been aptly demonstrated by the brilliant Y here..." and all these other near-Victorian turns of phrase that are nowhere near a neutral, impersonal scientific POV. And then you've got the extreme politeness and formality in highly-educated Indian correspondence, and conversely txt spk being universal among even grown-up Middle Eastern and South Asian folks on the internet (I always wonder if this is because of having to switch between different writing systems, some of which skip many vowels), etc. So the cultural expectations of what's good language use is hugely varied.

But, yeah, poesy is being weeded out more and more as somehow embarrassing and naive (and always with that unconscious feel of its emotion being "feminine"=weaker, lesser, thus less strong and valuable--even the word "sentimental" is an insult when it just fucking means "something with feeling!"), all over the world. Yet, just like love and passion and intense emotion and awe at the grandness of grand things (the definition of Romanticism, obvs) cannot be killed because it's such an inherent part of human nature, poetry has found ways to survive through song lyrics--and a lot of bad writing that doesn't know what bad writing and cliches are. People still go for it, just like they still do ritual and devotional and spiritual things in a seemingly secularised Western world, because that kind of thing is how the human psyche works. (And there's a gender divide there as well, sadly--why is it that the rantiest, angriest atheists and puritan fundamentalists are angry men aiming to strip weaknesses and frills from human behaviour in favour of bleak brutality, and then it's either ditzy hippie chicks who are into all the fluffy superstitious New Age stuff or superintelligent academic women setting out to construct feminist witchcraft? Oh, wait, candles and incense and yoga and being kind to yourself and others are *girly.* Reason and strict rules and punishments are upright and manly!) Why are humans like this and can't just seek a balance from the best bits of both reason and compassion... *sigh*

So, yeah, that crazy polarisation is just lame, in everything ever, because... variety and diversity, please. I digressed hugely again, but one has to point this out because people really don't seem to see how stupidly b/w--and gendered--it all is. We've been lured into this idea that just because in society, the default for "human" is male/masculine and therefore, pursuing that leads to equality somehow, whereas it's just rubbish--and not just because of the poisons of modern ideas of masculinity, but because just like all gender bullshit, ideas of what's manly have varied like crazy from place to place and from era to era. Looking at history, you've got beautiful and emotionally complex poetry and Romanticism from guys, but now we're all supposed to just suffocate that and be bland and dead. To serve what purpose (if we're not aiming to become emotionless killing machines, the only reason a culture of sparseness/emotional coldness was ever developed for), I don't know. What if Bob wants to be as wild as a Dionysian devotee and compose wildly florid songs in praise of the moonlit meadows of Arcadia--where does he turn to hone his craft; who listens to him sing? What if Anne wants to be swept up in the arms of a wild romance and make her prose shine and glisten like the dew on that moonlit grass, without slipping into a limpid pool on the way? Where's the cave in which XYZ could hone hir poetry to soar like that of Inanna's dragtastic priests in fervent, orgiastic abandon?

My only answer to that would be to just... well.

Read tons of old shit.

Write tons of new shit.

And then *interact* about it, be *supportive* about it, *discuss it.*

Because, just like you said, we don't have enough of that right now.

But even then, I would just say, even to poetic writers whose work I might find bad, *keep fucking going.* Because if you are dedicated and exercise a constant, honest self-awareness about your flaws, you'll keep getting better. Even if you are writing in a vacuum, or think you're writing in a vacuum (because fuck knows it feels like it in today's "too scared to comment" culture), KEEP WRITING. You owe it to yourself and your soul, as an act of fierce honesty towards what you really are.

Besides, and most people don't seem to realise this, writing poetic language is *hard.* Even if you're not writing rhyming couplets, just constructing a sentence is more difficult if you want to evoke really specific images and emotions; the word order itself gets more difficult when you step outside the "see Spot run" style. That's why Twilight is so bad: because the sentence construction is clunky and godawful, and because the thoughts are really vague and drifty and not definite. When saying a bitch fancies a guy, saying "She also thought of other things" is horridly opaque, especially when it's not even meant to be mysterious: if you want to be mysterious, you have to signal that better. So you'd be better off saying "other thoughts also entered her mind, thoughts she was unable to understand or process; therefore she pushed them into the deepest peripheries of her mind, out of sight." Because that shows to us a hint of why these thoughts are vague and unprocessed; the *prose* can't be vague even if the heroine's experience is. That draws the reader in and helps her understand what's going on; the vague "other things" just leaves one hanging and WTFing.

But... yeah. That's the kind of thing I mean. I still stubbornly believe you can get away with anything if you just work hard enough on the suspension of disbelief part, work hard enough on the characters to make their actions seem like they were the sorts that character would commit, if pushed.

I can't remember if I actually made a post at any point talking about Romantic/poetic writing and how to make it work? Probably on LJ, or then I am thinking of fic comments? Because, really, if there *is* need for such, I could throw something like that together. But I don't really feel like I'm some kind of authority on the matter, that's the problem. For all I know, most people consider my stuff too purple, and there's no telling how objective that is--whether it's just a matter of taste, or some (however ephemeral and subjective) standard one either achieves or falls short of. So I don't want to become like one of those conceited people who get really puffed up if they've been published once, and actually write fairly mediocre fiction, and then suddenly start behaving like they're gurus.

(Plus, I've had so much shit for creative word choices in DW and B7 fic that I fear it'd just look like I was defending overt poetry where it doesn't work. I'm *fully* aware these days of how fandom-specific it is, and that's why I've burrowed myself firmly into ToB, so I will never have to come out into sparse-prose writing ever again. I still remember groaning at a fic that randomly described Romana's inner labia as "petals," whereas with Jaffar looking at Yassamin's bits? For a guy who describes her eyes as "Babylonian," "Petals" is par for the course and wouldn't even stand out.)

Anyway. I just hope these rants and discussions will shake up and/or encourage at least some people who have had their poetry suffocated. I will go and have a look at my notes and old LJ posts to see if I have, indeed, written anything that'd come close to the sort of poetry-encouraging writing guide you describe. Because I do feel like I *have* written about getting away with it at some point. I'm sure it all boils down to a) "learn the rules and *then* bend them," b) "avoid the most *obvious* cliches," c) "describe the poetic stuff in a new, original way or aim for a perfect pastiche," and d) "choose a poetic world and stay there," but I'll have a look anyway!

Also, JFC, this became long! But it really is a matter worth talking about. I want a whole fucking literary salon dedicated to getting Romantic/poetic writing right, and celebrating the style without shame. Who's with me?

[isisisak]

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs you would like to know better

Iiiii was tagged by @julieseven (and i think also @coldharmonies but tumblr is being annoying and isnt showing me the thing anymore sooo ...hm) 

a - age: 24 b - birthplace: Berlin, Germany c - current time: 19:24 d - drink you last had: beer 

e - easiest person(s) to talk to: my bestie @noorasevas my muffin @tiptopevak  my ME @pansexualmahdidisi my companion in the #tongak2k17 movement @skam-addiction  my whiplash/fic-yelling galpal @soyellowcurtainsthen also the lovely other ladies i scream about skam at on whatsapp @coldharmonies @julieseven @theleavesoflorien my one and rumen (..worked better in my head - again) @bloonsquad& @noora-knows-best (her theories are on fleeek)  f - favourite song: right now its aloha from s4 ep1  g - grossest memory: back in 8th grade we had to run in PE (gross enough amiright?) and my friend had a cold. so what happened: she suddenly stopps gags and spits out snot (ON PURPOSE “otherwise i cant really run, ok im good lets go!” ....WELL I WASNT GOOD OK!???....i still gag at the memory h - horror yes or horror no: YESSSSS  i - in love?: nei (lie: i love my bro with the brows, Jonas Noah Vasquez) j - jealous of people?: hmmm not really....  k - killed someone?: ...................*sweats*...............................no..? l - love at first sight or should I walk by again: eeh not a believer in love at first sight (lust/interest/attraction at first sight sure but not love, you can only say you truly love someone who you know inside and out imo) m - middle name: Don’t have one n - number of siblings: two siblings, one older sister (31) and one older brother (30) ....but honestly they act like 7 and 8  o - one wish: as clichee as it sounds, for everyone to be happy and content p - person you called last: my mamma q - question you’re always asked: "ooooohhh can you analyse me now?” (when i tell ppl what i study ..sure jaan thats how it all works *rolls eyes*) r - reason to smile: coffee and hmmmm a lot! so..my life? sounds kinda cheesy tho  s - song you sang last: Fy Faen (fy fy faen) by Hkeem, Temur u - underwear color: uuuuuuuh i need to check that - dark blue and white (surprise, it doesnt match)  v - vacation: next one is oslo with my two irl best friends w - worst habit: squishing and kneeding my nose when im stressed - this means i have a red nose since the 10th of april, 13:28 x - x-rays: ...i dont remember any y - your favourite food: woah there.... food is my favourite food.. but what pops in my head rn is steak so ill go with that  z - zodiac sign: Capricorn

im too lazy too tag ppl rn :’) just do it if you feel like it pliss