#sick both mentally and physically atm ?

[moonkissedvisions]

Pick a pile/pick an image: Health messages ❤️‍🩹🌿⭐

Important: 16+. Not medical advice. If you are dealing with a health problem please talk to a professional. This is a general reading, take what resonates and leave the rest. Use your own discernment. Let your intuition guide you.

Pile 1 ❤️‍🩹

cards: Queen of Wands, King of Cups, Four of Wands, Four of Swords, Seven of Pentacles, Two of Wands.

There is a really strong need for REST here. Whether it is a physical or mental break, it is very clear that you have reached a point of great stress and exhaustion in both your body and your mind. Maybe it was a lot of work, study or overthinking and anxiety. Either way, you need to calm your nervous system urgently by walking, sleeping, meditating, deep breathing, being in nature, etc. You also need to appreciate your body and your mind for helping you work and do your daily activities. CELEBRATE your achievements but also your body and your health.

This pile has a good intuition which is helpful in making the right choices for your health. Your balance between your physical and emotional body is good. You have the need to understand the connection between your mind, body and spirit health and the multiple dimensions each of these have. For example, when people think of hormones, they most likely think about the sex and fertility aspect/dimension or hormones. But hormones are emotions, actions, and a lot of other things, so they both affect and are affected by all aspects of health. Your fertility is specially high, so if you are facing fertility problems atm, this may be a sign that you are improving and you should keep focusing on your current treatment and trusting the people who are taking care of you. Determination to quit unhealthy habits and start engaging in good ones is key for you now. You need to gain confidence in your health choices. You are capable of everything, especially rn. Everything that you want for your health is within reach, you just need to trust your course of action and be committed to it.

You need to know that you reap the fruits of the work you do on your health. If you do a good job on taking care of your health, you will feel good. If you don´t, you will not feel good. Also, if you are facing a health problem, you need to evaluate your lifestyle, routines and daily habits to find the root cause.

Finally, be grateful for the work your body does for you everyday. Thank the parts of your body that are working and healthy, instead of just focusing on your sickness/the parts that are bothering you.

Pile 2 🌿

cards: Temperance, Five of Wands, Queen of Wands, Ace of Swords, The Devil.

You may be going through a mysterious health issue, or maybe you are not listening to your body´s messages. It could be that you are ignoring a symptom, and you gave up getting a diagnosis because doctors couldn´t find the problem or had different/contradicting opinions. If that resonates, this could be a sign to not ignore it anymore, because there is a new opportunity to find help, a diagnosis, or a treatment. There is also a new opportunity to start taking care of your health, whatever that means for you

If you had a surgery, you are recovering impressively and completely. There is a lot of regeneration and transformation about this pile. It is possible that you will be cured of an illness. There is some waste in your system that is being removed and eliminated too.

Moderation is really present here. If you want to start eating healthy, quit smoking, or practicing a new form of exercise, I see you doing it gradually. This can be done in the form of reducing your portions or the amount of cigarettes you smoke daily. Your determination is high as well, you are really convinced you can reach your health goals and you probably wont stop until you make it!

Also, be careful with unprotected sex and take care of your genital organs. Avoid promiscuity by channeling your passion with other activities like working out, creating and mindfulness. SLEEP and EAT nutrient dense, building foods for regeneration. Don´t use sex to deal with every emotion. Learn about hormones and how to have healthy hormones/menstrual cycle.

Pile 3 ⭐

cards: Judgment, Two of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, Three of Swords, The Tower.

Health must be a priority as much as your work, your family and your social life are. Maybe this is something you forgot, or something you are starting to remember and being aware of now. There is a need for balance and having fun. You need to find joy in your health routines and be intentional about them. Find the joy in being in nature, playing, moving your body, making healthy meals and taking rest. Be responsible with your choices and priorities.

It is possible that you faced a sudden change in your life or a health issue that left you feeling nervous and anxious, or that you experienced a sudden anxiety attack or some kind of emotional disturbance that affected your health. If you resonate, relaxation is key. Also, it could be that you just realized you need to start therapy because you can´t deal with a problem on your own. The Tower in this pile may indicate muscle tension, stress, high blood pressure, grief, depression and spine problems for some of you. Im getting detoxing as well.

If you resonate with going through grief, pain, depression, heartbreak or a difficult emotional time, allow yourself to feel your emotions. Release them by crying, screaming, punching a pillow, writing, or whatever way is helpful to you. Acknowledge your hurt, your pain without getting lost in it. Practice gratitude. Reconnecting with nature is another good thing to do, since nature is something greater than ourselves and also incredibly beautiful, mesmerizing, and healing. As you can see in the picture you picked, grounding and walking in a forest is adviced. Get exposed to natural light and natural springs. Drink a lot of fluids, get enough minerals. Drink calming, soothing teas. Planning your health routines will be beneficial.

Lastly, take care of your joints by maintaining a good posture, moving your body and strenghtening your muscles.

Thank you for reading! Feel free to ask any questions, or leave any suggestions and corrections!

[undermycoat]

just need to work this all out

ok so im unemployed fresh college grad atm and ive got job apps sent in and even an interview lined up but that interview is in the town my dad is in so im staying with my dad but in the time ive spent waiting for that date ive been with an employment agency but the job that place sent me to was the absolute worst and my mental health has plummeted to the point that i’m getting physically sick both bc of the job and bc i feel like i have to keep looking over my shoulder with my dad right there.

i skipped work saturday and today which is insanely immature but i cant think im struggling to sleep and eat bc of this and today i emailed the agency saying i wish to end our agreement. they said they wished i gave a notice (tbf i thought i had when i was like “i’m moving away” on saturday.. but whatever. actually not whatever — that shouldntve been discounted and im not entirely at fault here) but that they wish me the best and i said thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.

earlier last week when i told dad this job is really bad for me he told me to stay working there until i get another job secured. i did not do that and now im terrified of telling him that i quit bc i dont know what hes going to do plus i dont want to talk about it with him i just want to be left alone

also this interview ive got lined up is for a really great company however i dread working there bc that means i have to stay with dad. i want to go back to where i used to live. also i dont like that one of the high up workers there is friends with my dad. being a nepo baby is great unless the nepo comes from my dad. i dont trust him to not keep tabs on me and i dont want him knowing what ive been doing or where ive been. not that im doing anything illegal i just want him to fuck off, yknow?

all of this leads back to the problem ive always had in that hes a huge control freak who needs to know everything going on in my life and i cant escape. my mom got out through the divorce but im still stuck here and i cant leave either bc even if i cant breathe with him and his wife and their kids i love my paternal grandparents and aunt and uncle. im just so paranoid and anxious and i feel like i cant breathe

im so sick of disappointing people but also the stuff my dad is proud of me about is stuff im not that proud of. its like i just cant win with him.

oh and paranoia aside i dont want to owe him anything bc he used to ignore me for months despite me calling and messaging him constantly (to the point that my mom was like “do you even love me? do you even want to be here do you even care?”) when he took me out for dinner one of the times he decided to acknowledge me he said he’d pay for a field trip (past the time the fee was due so i had to get special permission from the teacher) then the next week he said i only talk to him when i need money so actually no hes not giving me anything. WHAT. and then a couple years later he was like “i never got to be your parent you never let me be your dad :(“ and when i was like “why” he was like “i had to always go have fun with you instead of discipline you bc i didnt want our time together to be all sad and me getting mad at you” like again. WHAT.

he said that bc i was like “i was rly hurt when you said i only come to u for money bc i reached out to u a lot and u never replied”. so. idk what to do with that but i still dont rly understand the argument from him here. but yeah i was like rly hurt and then he started crying talking about how he never got to be my dad even tho i was like 19 when this convo happened so he had 19 years to try and didnt and its rly unfair that im supposed to feel guilty for denying him this even tho i was the child and he had total control he could decide what to do with me and he chose wrong and now hes taking it out on me here in this restaurant. ok.

its so fucked cuz now im like so was i doing something wrong all those times we were tgt? like idk im just scared around him bc i dont ever know if im doing something wrong bc he wont tell me or maybe he will or maybe he . idk i just cant sit still yknow?

also his wife is racist and ive got to deal with microaggressions from her. and hes a pastor

anyway i just needed to get that all out there to feel a bit less crazy. thank you for coming to my ted talk ✌️😗

OH YEAH. and he makes me feel stupid all the fucking time like i dont need a job right now. i Should get one but i dont have a mortgage im not buying groceries i dont need to pay for insurance I DONT NEED A JOB. but he told me to stay in this shitass job bc i need it. dude it had me out in the sun all day (ALL DAY) paying $10/hr and had me coming home genuinely thinking about killing myself. not even bc of the physical labor but bc it was so under-stimulating like i was in my head all day no music no interesting surroundings no conversation nothing for me to solve. and he was all like “well sometimes we have to do work that we don’t like” YEAH I FUCKING KNOW DICKHEAD. my mom said he talked like that to her too and also apparently ok not to brag bc im fr not but im rly smart like im fucking brilliant and my dad always acted like it was bc of him but my mom’s other kids are also brill while my dad’s other kids are… theyre sweet kids and intelligence isnt everything im aware i know but its like “really dickhead?” i just hate how he belittles u and talks like ur dumb. im not dumb. dont piss me off

[adelle-ein]

the state of disability activism online atm is so depressing to me; it feels so motivated by hatred and superiority and not compassion or kindness or anything but a desire to be Better than other people

i'm not talking about posts like "hey guys it really does help depression if you take your meds on time and get some sunlight!" i'm talking about "if you don't have friends and don't go outside every day then you're a pathetic disgusting lump who's making yourself disabled on purpose" type shit. which i see. every day. on every site. Constantly. who is this strawman that stays home for weeks at a time and enjoys it and doesn't know that it's bad for them and is happily making themselves sicker on purpose?? who is this person?? oh right. they don't exist. you just hate anyone who's less functional than you.

and it is a constant thing. for example "intrusive thoughts discourse" where everyone talks about "intrusive thoughts are not Eat Crunchy Leaf it's thinking horrible violent sexual things you don't want to think! and if yours aren't that bad then you're a faker!" i have ocd (yes, diagnosed) and yeah i do have intrusive thoughts like that, often, and they're very distressing, etc etc. but like. i also have intrusive thoughts where i just fixate on something completely benign and physically can't stop thinking about it (ie something getting dirty, my neighbor making a weird noise) to the point of intense distress and even panic attacks. is that lol quirky weirdgirl faker because it doesn't involve anything violent or sexual? even though this is a serious and debilitating part of my illness where i don't sleep because i'm lying awake worried that the toilet might get dirty tomorrow??

and why are the go-to insults from these people always "bet you can't drive! bet you haven't left the house in weeks! bet you don't tell a waiter your order's wrong! bet you can't order a pizza without shaking!!" (i see that last one SO OFTEN don't fucking know why.) like yes. punch up at those nasties with agoraphobia and avpd and social anxiety. definitely anyone who doesn't drive is doing so out of sheer laziness and there is no reason to be scared of people other than just being pathetic. you sure are showing them. what a good little activist you are!

the mentally ill vs physically ill "discourse" is a huge source of this. as someone who is Both i can tell you that both are horrible and significantly impeding my life and the physically ill people talking about how depression doesn't count and the mentally ill people talking about how you just have to go outside more to Cure Everything and both of them fighting each other and infighting and whatever are just. a vortex of exhausting bullshit. not that every struggle on every "side" is the same but i so rarely see nuanced discussions of this just "ew, [insert disability the person in question thinks is for babies here]"

just a lot of nasty hate and gatekeeping and yes ableism from people who should really know better but they don't care. again i'm not saying that "get more fresh air!" is ableist or whatever but oh my god you people are so sick and hateful. the really sad part is i have seen people who used to be genuinely kind and helpful sink into this horrible us vs them mentality, where the only way to Win is to be the Least Visibly Disabled but simultaneously the one who has a dx list as long as their arm, so when someone says "my agoraphobia makes it hard to leave the house and i haven't been out in two weeks" they can turn around and go "well I have agoraphobia AND fibromyalgia and *I* leave the house every day so what's your excuse you disgusting tumblr virgin??" as if that isn't just straight up ableism and bullying somehow. not that there aren't people who act cruel and then go "i'm disabled so this is okay!!" or reply to innocent posts with "i'm disabled how dare you imply that i try to shower regularly??" but the people who go "i'm disabled but i'm Normal not like those other gross cripples" are even worse tbh

this is again on every website. twitter tumblr all of 'em. it's not just a tumblr thing. i don't want to talk about the poor chili lady and the reaction to her but the "ironic" and/or "morally just" internet bullying has gotten completely insane.

like i said it feels like the goal from this particular breed of people is to have a ton of disabilities but act completely "normal" and symptom free so that you can brag about your superiority to the Other Disableds while pointing at your dx to go "but, look, see, I'M normal!!! and you're not!!! meaning you're inferior to me!!! freak!!! disability rights tho :)"

anyway yeah i would love to have a ~disability community~ but i don't bc this vortex of being The Most Superior Disabled Person is disgusting and exhausting and i see so many people participating it for no goddamn discernible reason other than a desire to hurt others which. sucks.

[chaoticcutiewhirl]

Coming from Twitter, speaking of Vent posts that will likely fall into obscurity as I reblog a ton of shit to bury it:

I hate being around my blood, I am at the point where I can't even call them family, they are more or less just people who I am related too and live with, they all just in their own ways make me angry and have their own aspects that each makes me not want to be around them.

My mother is someone who will talk without having much in the way of emotional disonance, she knows it can be burdensome and honestly she is not as bad as others but can be quite... a lot. Her health is bad and she kinda refuses to do much else besides listen to her doctor who is one of those kinds of doctors who wouldn't be helping you much due to the idea that they give the vibe of being the smartest in the room. Besides that factor she is someone who also is a perfectionist, if a single aspect is out of line or has the potential to go wrong, she will star worrying, and that is the reason why I don't come out in being myself, as Avarstia. I feel she would accept me but given how she is, it would likely worsen her health and give her a heart attack.

In contrast my Dad, he has shown when alone he is misogynistic and often someone who is stubborn and insistent on ideas, he is someone who wants things to go his way and he won't get mad if they don't just he will be very... beating around the bush about it. I may be a snake, but he would be in a fable sense, a trickster of sorts, not with the best intentions all the time and mostly wants to exist, and honestly it both feels like I know a lot about him and don't for the fact that I don't know if what i know about him is true, which gives me more anxiety on coming out than others, especially since I have plans for if I were to be kicked out but I feel its plausible from him.

And then you get the one who I worry about most, my sister. She is willing to pry where she is not wanted, she is someone who will try and get involved when she is not wanted, she will try to be the smartest in the room and just try to act like she is the most important person needed in every situation. She acts like she will be the one to solve every problem in the house, she acts like she will be my way out when she is the person who I honestly do not want to live with most. When she doesn't get her way she will belittle and try and break you down once she has familiarity with you and honestly that gets me into another thing:

With the factor that I do not want to live with these people that brings me to the mental turmoil I have been having: After basically a decade and a half of suppressing my emotions for a semblance of safety, I met one of my best friends in the whole wide world and now its hard to hide my genuine emotions and due to that other things are coming about. Some form of derealization or psychosis seems to be setting in because of all of this, its hard to handle myself in this place and I need to leave but I have no where to go yet and I atleast need diagnosis for my lung issues first so I can escape and give a more physical health reason to employers as to why i am sick for basically half the year. And hell the derealization aspect may be more as my brain is basically me hiding under my hot rock as an intense storm is overhead, it feels like there is something beyond the hot rock and all I can do is bide my time, fearing of what is to come even though sometimes they are good vibes in the torrent. I don't know about all of this but I mainly want out... If you want more of an idea of that vent aspect, I made a one off post on my AO3

In other words, I am not in a good state at all rn and have been needing to vent or talk to someone in order to feel like I am able to stay sane atm hahahaaaaaa.

[1ouis]

Overwhelmed with how amazing today already is and I'm feeling extremely physically ill atm... LmAO Just rolling with it. 😵‍💫

I'm sad I didn't prepare anything for Louis' birthday... I wish I did. Maybe next year if I'm still in the fandom. I might be. I've always low-key been a Louie. You can maybe see his pretty face's influence on the fan art I've drawn of anime boys 😎

I'll be sharing other people's works later maybe today!!! I'm so proud of all the creators in our fandom as well. I was wondering if this fandom was still alive until I ran into a random YouTube comment.

Excuse me, I feel so delirious from how sick I feel. So surprisingly happy too?? I'd take medicine but I've already been taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen almost every day due to other pains... I caught something from my best friend this time. LOL 😅 All the mental pain from this year and the years of holiday trauma didn't prepare me for tonight. I really don't expect anything?? 😭

Another thing, I have some request art for people that I wanted to take care of in 2 days... I almost made it but the last few days were... Extremely heavy and toxic, I'm sorry. I was asking people to request me, too. I'm so embarrassed, but life can be a rollercoaster like that I suppose... 🙁 If either of the two lovely people are reading this, YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM ME SOON HOPEFULLY 😭

All my amazing mooties, artists, writers, editors, and absolutely hILAROUS people I follow, and the people who liked my personal posts before, the people who've been so nice to me here... You have no idea how much you've brightened my asocial ass life. If I sound like a broken record, it's because I am. I really need to reach out to people more, but It's so difficult for me to 🥲

Whether you post(ed) something earlier in the year, today, later, know that I love you, I love you, I love yooouu, thank you for brightening our dashes with your posts!! I'm so proud of you. You have no idea! 🥰

Anyway... because Idk how to change the topic 😓

My sis & I are both sober hobby artists, btw lol

What sprung these feelings... Not the the holiday spirit, tbh, not LOUIS FUCKING TOMLINSON'S BIRTHDAY. (IT'S ADDING TO IT NOW THOUGH LMAO 😭😭😭)

I listened to one of the most engaging & fun No Sleep Podcasts with my sister. It's 1am now but I'll be up for a little longer because she asked. It's all horror. Lol The last one we listened to hit so close to home at one point, but I couldn't completely focus because I was so shook at how my line art was coming out?? I made one of my life achievements before the year ended?? Like wHAT?? IT'S AN X-MAS EVE MIRACLE 😭😭😭

Gonna try to keep it up when I feel less sick... and a lil during. ✌️🤪 I HOPE THIS MEANS YOU ALL WILL GET MORE ART FROM ME??! That's so exciting?? I wanna be more proud of myself on my art journey next year... Once I find a job, a therapist and get on meds again, maybe that could be a reality for me...

My sister also made the most lovely gift for someone on the spot. She doesn't see how absolutely adorable & beautiful it is, but I do. I took some pics cuz it was that satisfying to look at?? I WANNA MAKE FANART OF IT.

We both need to believe in ourselves more... Gonna show her the photos of the cow I took in a couple of months. I hope she sees what I see some day. That's one of my holiday wishes 🥺

[adventure1234567]

LEH LADAKH BIKE TRIP

A bike trip to Leh Ladakh is a popular adventure activity in India, and many travellers undertake this journey every year. Leh Ladakh is a region in the northernmost part of India, located in the state of Jammu and Kashmir. It is known for its scenic beauty, rugged terrain, high-altitude passes, and unique culture. If you are planning a bike trip to Leh Ladakh, here are some things you should keep in mind:

-Prepare well: It is important to prepare well for the trip, both physically and mentally. You should be in good physical shape and should have some experience riding a bike on rough terrain. You should also be mentally prepared to deal with the challenges of the journey, such as altitude sickness and extreme weather conditions.

-Choose the right time: The best time to go on a bike trip to Leh Ladakh is between June and September when the roads are open and the weather is pleasant. However, keep in mind that this is also the peak tourist season, so the roads may be crowded.

-Rent a bike: You can rent a bike in Leh or in Manali, which is a popular starting point for the trip. Make sure you choose a reliable bike that is suitable for the terrain.

-Get the necessary permits: You will need to obtain certain permits to enter certain areas of Leh Ladakh, such as Nubra Valley and Pangong Lake. Make sure you have all the necessary permits before you start your journey.

-Pack wisely: Make sure you pack all the essentials for the trip, such as warm clothes, a good quality helmet, sunglasses, sunscreen, and a first aid kit. It is also a good idea to carry some cash, as there may not be ATMs in all the places you visit.

Best Time to Visit Ladakh

Ladakh is a popular destination for bike enthusiasts because of its picturesque landscapes and challenging terrains. Many travel companies offer bike trip packages to Ladakh, which usually include bike rentals, accommodation, meals, permits, and a tour guide. It's essential to note that travelling responsibly is crucial for the preservation of the environment and the local culture. Please respect the local customs and follow the Leave No Trace principles to minimise your impact on the ecosystem.

The best time to visit Ladakh for a bike trip is from June to September when the roads are open and the weather is favourable. However, keep in mind that the region experiences altitude sickness, so it's crucial to acclimatise properly before embarking on a bike trip.

Before booking a package, ensure that the travel company is reputable and provides all the necessary services for a safe and comfortable trip. You may also want to check customer reviews and compare prices to find the best deal.

Biking in Leh Ladakh

Biking in Leh Ladakh can be a thrilling and adventurous experience, but it requires careful planning and preparation due to the harsh and remote terrain. Here are some things to keep in mind:

-Check the weather: The best time to go biking in Leh Ladakh is from June to September when the weather is mild and the roads are clear. The winter months can be extremely cold and the roads are often blocked by snow.

-Plan your route: Plan your route carefully and make sure you have enough time to cover the distance. The roads in Leh Ladakh are narrow, winding, and often unpaved, so be prepared for a challenging ride.

-Get the right bike: You need a sturdy and reliable bike to handle the tough terrain. A Royal Enfield is a popular choice among bikers in Ladakh due to its durability and ability to handle rough terrain.

[ditttiii]

*Sighs*

HII I'M 🐻 ENTERING YOUR ASKS ONCE AGAIN TO SAY I FREAKING LOVE YOU SO DAYUM MUCH!!!!

Anyways

Hii

My name is 🐻. I'm 16 years old. A humanities student studying in 3rd year of highschool. My hobbies are singing, dancing, reading, writing (atm i have a block😭), sleeping, doing nothing and my most favourite- randomly complementing people. I don't particularly hate anything for i feel hate is a very strong emotion which stems out of lack of gratitude, jealousy and at times envy. Although I do have a strong dislike towards homophobics, fatphobics, racist, sexiest and people who treat elders nd kids like thrash. I also don't like bottle guard but i love bitter guard. Currently I'm suffering from recurring uti and am showing symptoms of IBS. I also have issues with my menstrual cycles but ik I'll get by. All this started when I was chubby but with perfect bmi but teased by everyone for being "fat". I went on a very unhealthy diet and also my mental health wasn't stable that time. I developed eating disorder. Btw this happened during 2020. During dec that year I drank less water and binged often. Developed uti but didn't tell my parents until July this year. Now am suffering terribly. Hate myself for this...

I did lose weight but not how people usually do. I fell sick(2021). For 3 days I had high fever, tonsil stone, period, diarrhoea and willingness to die. My body couldn't even take water. I used to puke everything and was still constantly having my stomach run. In those 3 days i lost approx 6 to 7 kgs of weight. My stupid 15 year old ass still wanted to be slim fit so i did what i SHOULDN'T have done. Regulated my diet which was again not something my body begged me to do.

I suffered from depression from the age of 11 when I was first passively bullied. I wanted to die when I was 12. Just survived without any reason at 13. Thought to heal but went nuts at 14. That was the time i was most creative though. Actually wished to die and gave myself an ultimatum that if I didn't heal by Jan or atleast got better, I'll swallow chlorine. And am now sitting with some anxiety but WAYYYYY better than before. It's true that u need to be patient with your self in order to actually grow and heal.

I don't regret anything but am just a Lil concerned about my fucked up health. I know I'll be alright though. I just hope I get out of my writing and reading slump. I now see the wonders of the world and am happy with where i am. I don't truly love myself but I don't hate myself as much as i used to.

Now i don't know what I'll do in the future. I know one thing that I've kept neuropsychology as my backup but how funny it is that I'm clueless about what it is for.

I mean it got serious so....

Ahem Ahem

MARRY ME!!!!

Im happy you got out of a relationship that didn't work for you instead of sabotaging yourself with false hope of having wonders of the world with the person who your weren't meant to be with. And ofc we'll both love jaykay afterall he has been my greatest muse as well.

Though i can't write even an ounce as brilliant an you but ig I'm improving.

Love you loads and have a great day ahead🫂🫂🫂🫂

I look forward to reading your replies because they are so cute and bubbly and vivacious and effervescent. You're just.... EPITOME OF EVERY TAYLOR'S LOVE SONG...... EPITOME OF MY FAVOURITE SUMMER WITH SUNSHINE BLAZING OVER ALL THE SHITTY THOUGHTS I HAVE ......

You're indeed enchanting. I don't know what you look like or perhaps if youre pretty to the eye. Butttt let me tell you. YOURE BEAUTIFUL. the vibe and aura you radiate isjust so pure and comforting. Would love to be real life besties with you....

Send you lots of love 💘💕

~🐻

oh you sweet sweettt soul i have the absolute strongest urge to hug you and just somehow cuddle the heck outta you until you know that you are not alone even though ik it may feel like it a lot. my gosh bee, you r such a strongass trooper heck ya! i have had both health struggles, mental and physical, for the last decade of my life so i really do understand a lot of where you are coming from. i ofc absolutely in no way can fully know how hard it has been for you, cant even come close to imagining it but my heart is with you through remembering it all :') idk if anyones told you this before but you are so so brave for keeping your head up and holding on. Sometimes its the hardest thing to do and it takes someone with a heart of literal fucking gold that bleeds goodness to be able to withstand and overcome those hardships so just. i am proud of you hun. really really proud.

also god i feel u on the health struggles. with recurring uti, i suffer from it too and often end up on antibiotics and even with those sometimes it takes like 2 weeks to fully recover. My suggestion would be just to look after ur hygiene and try to keep things dry while really buckling down with the hydration. the second you feel that burning or the weathers hot/humid and u are wearing tight jeans or you have been travelling, using more public restrooms -- just start gulping down water. trust me water and peeing more is actually the best cure for uti and also improves your natural immunity and i have learned that the hard way (i.e building resistance to antibiotics after multiple courses) with irregular menstrual cycles? i had terrible cycles all through out my highschool too. took meds for like a year i think and gave it a lot of time but it eventually sorted itself out so dont stress over it too much.

you my love are beautiful just the way you are. and if something ever changes do it for noone but yourself 💕 weight and body types and the stereotype of what is good and what isnt and whats okay and whats not it just. its freaking impossible. if your bmi is good, you feel healthy then you are absolutely a 10/10 and noone can change that despite whatever they say. if you feel good, the rest of the world is irrelevant.

Also letting your creativity ground you at your worst? i am so glad?? 😭 i get what that feels like because in a way the creative outlets are an escape and just a moment and bubble in time when you dont have to think about the things that worry and stress you out and can just instead be. be in the moment and be content and be calm and like amidst the shitstorm and all the noise sometimes its the only sound. and i m so hella glad that you held onto that creativity and let it be a support system for you. Its always tough being there for yourself and not having anyone else who really gets you and i havent found someone like that yet either so i rely on my creativity a lot to get me through the bad times and funnily enough it usually flourishes when i am at my worst. so lol if i am writing a lot and writing good i m prolly depressed 🤡

and lastly, this reply is a piece of all that my thoughts are and is only covering a portion of them but i am so honoured you trusted me enough to share it all. i do feel like i know you better know and its such a warm gushy realisation.

you my bear-chan are adorable and sweet beyond belief and i am always looking forward to hearing from you more and knowing what you have been upto.

sending back nothing but tons and buckets and seas full of my love 💕

-ditttiii xoxoxoxoxox

<33333333

[s-fellows-art]

Lonely red strings. 

[boneshurty]

shoutout to capitalism for barely letting us rest even when we esp need it

[wanhedas-dagger]

Do ya'll want a transition update? i haven't made one in a while and things have changed a lot since the last one.

so yeah, as of now, i'm 7+ months on T which is !!!! insane, its so crazy. i have a blood test coming up soon and then a follow-up appointment with the gender clinic to check on my progress and stuff. and i'm gonna switch from gel to shots because i'm sick and tired of putting the gel on every time and i'd rather suck it up with the needles and go on shots.

before i started T, and even a few months into it, i was very much on documenting every change and making update posts and vids and all that. but like. the longer i've been on it, the less i wanna do it. because. because. i don't feel like its something different and exciting anymore. which is actually incredible. it feels very normal and very mundane and like its just me its just a part of me its nothing special and different. me being trans is just a normal thing. and honestly, i never thought i'd reach that point. at least, not this early.

mentally, i feel so much happier. my depression although gets bad from time to time, its in a very different way than before. like before it was intense and heartaching and it made me cry uncontrollably. now its?? a dull ache, an emptiness. and all i wanna do is stay in bed and do nothing. since starting T, i haven't cried even once coz of Feelings. I've cried over fictional stuff but yeah. [side note, it hadn't been harder for me to cry like a lot of guys say]. but bottom line, I'm happier, I'm calmer, more confident, more content. and that's both T in general and also being more myself that it's easing my depression.

here's the kicker though. and its something i realized a couple of weeks ago. i'm happy with my body. fat redistribution is Very Slow duh but i can already see my hips getting less curvy. but uhhhh i'm not impatient for top surgery anymore. i can wait. yes, i still want to yeet the teets and i still hate my tiddies. BUT i don't hate it as much ya know? like i can tolerate it now? probably coz the rest of my body feels more like my own now. and i'm just happy with how things are. i don't mind it as much. my friends see me as a guy, i see me as a guy, my body feels so much more like my own. and like i will happily wait a few more years till top surgery its not my top priority atm. T is my top priority, i love how its changing my body and helping my mental health and just. i just love what its doing for me. i 10000% want top surgery still but i know how long the wait times are or how expensive it is otherwise so i can just wait till i can get it. it doesn't hurt me as much as it used to. now its all chill, i stand in front of the mirror and its like oh look its me.

physical changes under the cut coz Long

lets go top to bottom.

head. so it hasn't been that long. but i think. i think. my hairline, or at least the right corner of it is starting to recede lmao.

face. hair!!! facial hair!!!! i shave it off but theres a lot and i gotta shave every 2-3 days. mostly its the mustache. next is the chin hairs. followed by the jaw. everything else is much more subtle but still needs to be shaved. the texture is also different, it changed a decent amount. its not as soft as it used to be, rougher, but that's about it. idk why or how but my face already looks more masculine. not much, but slightly, i can't explain it i can't point out the specifics but it just does.

shoulders/arms/hands. this is both T and working out. i guess i can put my back in this category too coz its getting more defined and broader. my shoulder + traps be looking Big, rounded shoulders and swole traps. but these two muscle groups have been the easiest for me to build anyways. arms have less fat on them and are finally starting to get more defined. like although my arms have grown even before, my biceps were/are very stubborn but its starting to make progress. and hands!!! my hands are Hotter and Sexier than they've ever been, that is all. they look strong and the veins show more now and oof it looks great.

tummy. the tum tum has a lot to do with working out too but fat redistribution yes. my abs are getting more definition and although my tummy has the most stubborn fat, its getting easier to get the abs to show. i have a good balance of soft fat and bulky muscle going on there and hmmm its kinda sexy. and oh my god hair. tummy hair. i don't just have a happy trail, i have a hairy tummy. which i will shave and clean up soon enough but i will keep the happy trail. i just wanted to see how much hair i'd get on the tummy coz of T.

hips. they be getting smaller. marginally but still ye its better than nothing.

dick. tmi but my dick. my fucking dick. oh my god. my clit was just about visible pre T. i had a very small clit. but within weeks of starting T, it grew. and at one point it was painfully sensitive but now its calmed down. but its big. my guys its so big now. its around an inch (maybe a tiny bit more) long now!!!!!! and gets bigger (and wider) when its hard lololololol. another tmi is the fact that i get infinity wetter now than i used to, there is so so so much more cum. and i actually enjoy penetration now, it feels good now whereas before it felt wrong and awful and made me extremely dysphoric. but now?? hecking love it.

legs. hair!!! my lower leg was always hairy, and it still is the same but just grows a lot faster. i didn't used to get much above my knees. oh god do i do now. my legs are so hairy and i love it. i shave it tho, i shave below the knees coz smooth but i like the hair on the top.

[heyhihellowhatsup0]

Tangled Webs - Chapter Seven (Dark! Peter Parker x Reader)

Dark Webs Masterlist | Tangled Webs Masterlist

Warnings:   Angst, language, Topics of death and depression, PTSD, more angst, violence, a bit more fluff and smut than the last series (but not in this chapter)? Somewhat ignoring the MCU timeline due to mature content

Word Count: 4825

Summary: After doing your best to walk on eggshells around Peter, you finally reach the boiling point as you and him face (most) of your drama head on…

A/N: It’s been a hot minute but I’m back with an update. Hope ya’ll didn’t forget about this series like I did lmao. I hope you like this chapter and give me some sweet words because I missed it so much! DM me to be tagged and I hope you guys like it!! Please like and share if you can! (Also I found this .gif on google, so if you made it, or know who did, let me know and I will credit!) Thank you xx -N

You barely slept the last few days as you trapped yourself in your apartment in Stark Tower since the incident. You were sick, with no possible form of treatment and to boot, you almost were found out by Peter about what you were doing. Two things you weren’t sure how to deal with just yet. But you knew one thing for sure, you couldn’t take much more of these secrets.

    Not being able to see Peter or talk to him was killing you. And with you and him broken up, it only made it harder. You were always independent, especially when Peter and you stopped being friends. You made your own money, solved your own problems, you even saved Peter a handful of times. So it wasn’t so much that you were one of those girls who needed Peter to constantly save you; but you were a team. And everything you did together made the both of you even stronger. That was one of the reasons why Peter and you worked so well.

    But with Peter gone, and you struggling with your own issues; you could feel yourself getting weaker and weaker. The lethal combination with Octavious and your disorder mixed along with probably the worst of it all; you were missing Peter and heartbroken over him being gone. And the worst part was that you didn’t even blame him for pulling away. You definitely deserved it after hiding everything from him. You just wished that even if you did tell him the truth, that it would be enough.

    But how could it be enough?

    Pushing yourself out of bed, you used whatever strength you could muster up so early in the morning. You needed to conserve that and your energy for when Octavious called on you these days, which would only make you even weaker in the process. You would laugh at the irony, but you were too tired to.

    You didn’t want to think about your death but given recent events; it popped up in your mind pretty frequently these days. You didn’t want to think so morbidly and always tried to remain positive but how could you not when your body was literally at war and the venom that saved your life was also potentially killing you? Death was inevitable for you now, and you were looking at it right in its eye.

    Of course, Peter was always one of your first concerns. You saw how when you started spiraling out of control affected him; how upset he would be, or how Peter would blame himself for his actions. It killed you to think what he would say or do when you weren’t there to keep him grounded and remind him that there was nothing he could have done. That it wasn’t his fault and he shouldn’t blame or punish himself; and that finding somebody responsible was a waste of time.

    You wanted to tell Peter to prepare him, to get the grieving out of the way if he could and enjoy whatever time you had left with Peter. But now, you weren’t even sure if you and Peter were going to make amends, and that scared you more. Would he even care about your health now? As much as you wanted him to, you knew Peter should focus on himself anyway. So you couldn’t help but think that maybe if he didn’t know, it would be best for everyone.

    Snapping yourself out of your dark thoughts for a moment, you heard your coffeemaker go off. Grabbing your mug and bringing it to your lips, you stopped as you felt something run through your body as you stared at the front door. Somebody was coming to the door. Morgan had school and no way was Agent Kent knocking on your door after you made him look like an idiot in front of half of S.H.I.E.L.D.

    You hurried to the door, hearing the door handle begin to jiggle and opened it. Your eyes widened as you looked at Peter standing in the doorway wearing a navy blue hoodie and jeans. His soft brown curls tousled and all over the place as his tired and now bloodshot eyes were staring back you bewilderedly.

    “Hi,” you spoke out in a tired voice. Clearing your throat as you opened the door. The first time you actually saw Peter. The last time you saw him was at the ATM, unbeknownst to Peter that you were the one who knocked him into the window, leaving him to explain that to S.H.I.E.LD and Kent how he still hadn’t caught you. Again.

    “I...uh...how did you know I was here? I didn’t knock?” Peter questioned as he looked at you. He knew exactly how long it had been since he saw you last. Nine days and eleven hours, Peter was counting his days a lot lately. It had been nine days and eleven hours, but it felt like it had been years dragged out of him. And now, he didn’t know what to say.

    You looked different to him for some reason, and he couldn’t figure out why. He used to love seeing you in the morning with a fresh face as you made coffee wearing one of his old school hoodies. But this morning, you looked like a different person to him. Tired, pale, almost like you were getting sick.

    Letting Peter in, you cleared your throat again, “I heard footsteps,” you answered to try and tip toe around the subject. You looked at the coffee on the counter as you ran your fingers nervously through your hair, “Coffee?” you offered him, not sure what to say to him. You never thought you’d see the day where you and Peter had nothing to say to one another.

    Peter shook his head, “No, thank you. I just came to pick up some things,” he admitted, pressing his lips into a line as he showed you the duffel bag in his hand. Was he really about to pack his belongings and move out? Granted, it was just a few floors up; but how long was he planning on staying up there? Another week? A month? Forever? He didn’t like any of those options at all. But he knew he had to do it for now to protect you and most importantly; to protect you from finding out that Peter started drinking again. He knew if you found out, it would only trigger you more. And it was just the two times, he was hoping he could get himself to a meeting before anybody else found out.

    He headed into the bedroom towards the closet, placing his bag on the chair nearby and unzipping it. He wasn’t really even looking at what he was taking, just grabbing whatever he could and began stuffing it into his bag. It felt like he was almost saying goodbye, and it wasn’t what he wanted to do at all.

    Peter had been dreading coming here for days but he needed fresh clothes and truth be told, he wanted to check in on you. He had missed you these last few days and you always calmed him down no matter what you were going through. But he was worried about you too. And as much as he wanted to be there for you while you dealt with your demons, he also knew his demons were at bay and he couldn’t be around so much chaos right now. For his own sake.

    “So...” you started to say a bit awkwardly, leaning up against the door frame as you stared downward towards the ends of your hair, “I think I may have a name for the guy you put away from the ATM. I was going to try and research a bit today,” you offered him what little intel you had. Especially since you couldn’t say much without mentioning Dr. Octavious, that would only connect Quentin Beck to you and you knew Peter would get killed if he knew too much.

    Licking his lips as he jammed some sweatshirts into his bag, Peter nodded slowly, “Just be careful, okay?” he finally said as he kept his eyes on his bags, almost as if he was afraid to look at you otherwise he didn’t know what he would do. If he did, he’d probably stay longer, “Can’t trust many people right now,” he said a bit lower.

    Yeah, like me, you thought to yourself, swallowing thickly. All you could do was nod your head as you tucked your hair behind your hair nervously. You couldn’t do this anymore. The hiding and lying. You were building so much inside of you and it was only making you feel worse, mentally and physically. You couldn’t afford to lose Peter, not now.

    Moving a bit closer to him, you placed your hand on his shoulder to get his attention, “P-Peter, I-I have to tell you something,” you stammered, feeling your voice grow weaker as you felt the lump grow swollen in your throat. You were terrified of this moment, and you were more afraid because Octavious was listening in, as always. And if he was, then you didn’t have much time at all to tell him.

    Peter’s brow furrowed as he turned his head to face you. He saw the distraught expression on your face and knew something was wrong. He knew you were hiding something from him and it was literally tearing the both of you apart, “Okay, what’s going on?” he asked you as calmly and rationally as he could.

    You sucked in a sharp breath as tears began to prick your eyes. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you felt like your legs were about to collapse at any moment. Your bottom lip quivered the more you stared into Peter’s big eyes, trying to find your voice in the silence that was deafening between you both.

    “I really fucked up. I…” you trailed off as you began to cry, the tears streaming down your cheeks more now, “I was so stupid and now it’s worse. So much worse, Peter,” you told him through your sobs.

    “What? What’s worse, Y/N?” Peter asked as he raised his eyebrow. He was afraid of what you were hiding, but he hated the fact that you were hiding it more than anything. Whatever it was, it was big enough for you to decide that it would freak Peter out; and that bothered him the most. That you thought he couldn’t handle whatever it was you were going through.

    You sniffled as you stared down at the floor, unable to even look at Peter right now as you tried to relax your breath, “Last summer...when I…” you could barely get a word out between your sobs, “At the game,” you finally got out.

    “The game?” Peter questioned, his eyebrow quirking up as you looked at you suspiciously, “The Yankee game? With the elemental?” he asked for clarification.

    Shaking your head frantically, you grabbed Peter’s arms to pull him closer, “That’s just it, Peter. It wasn’t an elemental! Don’t you find it strange you didn’t find anything that night? You came home empty handed,” you explained, your voice becoming more and more hysterical.

    “Y/N, what are you saying?” Peter asked again, trying to figure out what it was you were trying to tell him. You had so many secrets these days, Peter knew that. And he couldn’t tell if this was a secret, or was it a bender? “Do you know what was responsible for it?” he tried again, trying his best to keep his tone level. He hated seeing you so upset and he didn’t want to make you any more upset than you clearly already were.

    You nodded your head, “Okay, I know I sound absolutely crazy right now but I-”

    You felt a pull on your throat, making you gasp. It felt as if your breath was taken away, like somebody just punched you right in your windpipe, preventing you from speaking. Wheezing out your breath, you saw Peter’s face waiting for you to answer. But you couldn’t utter a word.

    Octavious, you thought to yourself.

    He was listening in now, and controlling you. Preventing you from telling Peter the truth about what was wrong with you. Octavious wanted Peter dead and risking this conversation was enough, but you really needed to tell Peter what was going on. In hopes that maybe it wasn’t too late, for you or him; and some of these horrific events could be prevented.

    And once again, you were frozen now. Blocked from telling Peter the truth and unable to help him find Octavious and get to him before he got to Peter. Or before you got to Peter. You were capable of so much these days, it frightened you to no end. And without Peter helping you control it, you were damned.

    “What do you know?” Peter asked again, getting a little bit closer. He tried taking a whiff of your breath, but he couldn’t smell anything. His senses weren’t triggered, but he knew what a bender looked like. He’d hit bottom before. Granted his bottom looked a lot worse, he could still sense it from a mile away.

    You tried to open your mouth but nothing came out. Tell him about the venom, you shouted at yourself. Tell him about Octavious, and the robberies. Tell him it was killing you and destroying you from the inside out. Tell Peter you needed his help.

    With tears streaming down your cheeks, you shook your head at him as you tried to speak; but nothing came out once more. You hated this. You were so close to being free just to be silenced once again. You didn’t know how much more of this you could take. It was becoming more and more obvious how much you needed Peter’s help, and he couldn’t give you anything if you were being controlled by Ock.

    “I will have you rip out his throat if you so much as whimper in his direction right now, Y/N,” Octavious’ voice threatened you inside of your head, and you felt your stomach beginning to churn once more. You always tried to fight back, but in this moment, you were truly terrified of something happening to Peter. So you didn’t.

    Looking down at the floor, you focused on Peter’s sneakers as you shook your head at him. Biting your lip to restrain yourself from saying anything further so Peter wouldn’t get hurt. You could tell he was disappointed in you, and you couldn’t blame him for it.

    Peter sighed, running a hand over his face as he licked his lips, “Y/N, I know you’re going through a bad time right now. I’ve been there, and it kills me seeing you going down this path that I never wanted you to go down,” he had to stop himself for a minute, saying it out loud to you hurt him even more. He hated that this was the reality of your relationship, “I am so worried about you, I am. And you know I want to be there for you, and I’m trying to be. But you have to tell me what you need first,” his voice became rugged and raspy the longer he spoke, knowing he couldn’t say much else at that point.

    He leaned forward, bringing his lips to the top of your head before he reached down and grabbed his bag on the floor. Taking a few steps towards the door before he looked at you one last time standing in the doorway, still staring down at the floor holding back your tears. And Peter was trying to do the same.

    “I’ll be training all day and then I’m crashing with Kent if you need me for anything,” he finally told you, seeing you nod your head slightly before he turned and walked out of the front door.

    The door shut behind Peter, and you collapsed to the floor. Sobbing to yourself as you grabbed a hold of the necklace Peter had given you, clutching onto the spiderweb pendant for dear life. You always told Peter everything. And now you didn’t even know who this person was anymore.

    “We’re striking big tonight, Y/N,” Octavious’ voice ran through your mind as you tightened your grip on your necklace, “Rest up for it…”

--------

    No matter what Peter did, he couldn’t shake the look you had on your face as he geared himself for his night. The look of pure terror on your face replayed over and over again in his mind as he got his suit on. His speech still fresh on his tongue while he pulled his mask over his head; wishing maybe he hadn’t been so harsh. The sound of your cries he overhead from the other side of the door when he left repeated while Peter initiated KAREN. He wished he hadn’t heard it, it nearly made him crumble, but he did.

    Peter was in no condition to go out tonight. He had a lot on his mind with you, and the robberies, and how so many people were depending on him and he couldn’t deliver what they needed. And with the pressure coming from Agent Kent, Peter was really beginning to feel all the weight on his shoulders. And it was taking everything in him not to take another drink.

    “I’ve got a good feeling we’ll get her tonight,” Kent said enthusiastically as he entered the room. He took a seat behind a computer chair as he gave Peter an all knowing smile, “She seems to be favoring the downtown area, and so far the museums are the only places she hasn’t hit yet. The Air and Space Museum is the only one that would have tech she may be after.”

    “What makes you think she’s after tech? So far she’s only stolen money from bodegas or ATMs,” Peter gave Kent a puzzled face, did he know something that Peter didn’t? And if so, why wasn’t Kent giving him this information that was important?

    Kent shrugged his shoulders as he adjusted his glasses on his face while focusing on the computer screen, “They’re always after more than just money, Peter. You of all people should know that,” he reminded Peter as he continued to pull some maps up on the screen.

    “If you say so,” Peter said as he adjusted his web mode, making sure everything was working properly. You were usually the one who made sure his suit was updated, fixing Dark Web mode, and even making sure KAREN was properly synched up. There was always something calming about having you by his side before he went out as Spider-Man; even if it was just a basic patrol. You always calmed him down and made him feel like he was doing the right thing. Now, he was beginning to doubt all of that lately.

    Peter’s eyes flickered to the counter top, focusing in on the bottle of Jack Daniels that was left behind from the other night. When he was planning on dumping the remaining liquid down the drain this morning before he went to see you. But now, he wasn’t so sure. He needed something to numb the pain, at least for the moment.

    Without Kent noticing, Peter took a few swigs of the whiskey as he felt the warmth slide down his throat. It felt so wrong, and he knew it. And now, he felt absolutely disgusted with himself. Months of hard work and strength just flushed down the drain for a few sips to only make him feel more miserable for it. And now he had to find this robber half sober, half buzzed.

    Peter went over to the window, staring down at all of the city lights as the lump in his throat grew bigger. The city suddenly looked smaller to him, as his eyes grew bigger through the mask. Your face coming back to his mind as he tried to shake it off once more, but he was beginning to find it nearly impossible.

    “Don’t be afraid to use your advanced modes on her, Pete,” Kent said from the computer before he swung away, “That’s why you have them, to get rid of people like her,” he narrowed his eyes on Peter knowingly.

    So, Kent wanted Peter to kill this masked woman, essentially. Although Peter wasn’t exactly new to that idea, he had his history of killing and it got him here. He knew there were other ways to get justice, even if it took longer. But Kent was messing with his mind, and he was beginning to think he may not have any other option.

    Nodding his head, Peter aimed his web shooter for the nearby lamppost down below as he swung out of Stark Tower. The moment he left, he couldn’t help but feel a little relieved to get out of there. Even if it was to keep vigil.

    Peter swung his way in no time to the museum. Everything seemed quiet in the city streets, making him feel a bit more at ease. He scanned the entrance, noticing no security to be found; which was oddly peculiar for a museum. Lights were on throughout the exhibits, and as Peter glanced up towards the camera, he noticed they were destroyed.

    “Someone is here,” Peter said into his microphone, knowing Kent was listening in. He moved in towards the nearby exhibit for space missile technology, “Karen, activate Dark Web mode,” he whispered slowly as he felt the black webbing beginning to coat his suit before he went into the illuminated room to investigate. It was a little dramatic to go dark to see, but based on how strong this new rival was, Peter wasn’t about to take any chances with them.

    Peter tiptoed his way towards the doorway, knowing he was invisible, but he still needed to proceed with caution. He peered into the doorway, frozen in the moment as he watched meticulously. Unbeknownst to his new friend that he was watching her every move. Making sure this time he would be ready to take her down.

    The alcohol was swirling around Peter’s brain as he continued to concentrate. He hadn’t drank in so long, those few swigs that he had already affected him.

    “Don’t overthink this, Peter,” Kent’s voice came through, “Remember what I told you, don’t be afraid to fully attack with this one.”

    Peter had no idea why Agent Kent was so adamant about him being so cut throat. He knew the rules, and if Peter had to get more aggressive, he would. But right now, there was no reason to go the extreme. Especially since he knew how he felt towards getting his hand bloody. It led him down dark paths that he knew he didn’t want to go down again.

    Feeling a bit dizzy, Peter pulled himself together as he took a few more steps forward. Watching her try and disconnect what seemed to be a missile on display from the exhibit area. What the hell was she trying to do with a missile, Peter thought to himself.

    He got his web shooter ready, prepared to stun her for a moment with his taser web. Before he could aim in her direction, he felt a force punch him directly in his chest. His back hitting the wall with a thud as he whimpered. Opening his eyes as he saw her turning her head back to the missile, moving her hands even faster.

    How did she even know he was there? There was no way she would have been able to even hear him unless…

    ...Unless if she had a spider sense too.

    “Alright, that does it,” Peter huffed out as he picked himself up. He kept the Dark Web mode on as he whipped around so he was directly behind her, “I’ve just about had it with you and I’m done being nice about it,” he announced as he kicked the inside of her knee, buckling her to the ground.

    Grabbing her by the arm, he heard her yelp as he twisted it a bit, “Deactivate Dark Web mode and turn off all communication,” he told Karen as he picked her up and shoved her against the wall as his suit came into vision once again. He didn’t need Kent in his ear right now. Not when he was this close to bringing her in and being done with this bullshit.

    With her chest against the wall, he swiveled around. Looking into her eyes through her black mask as he raised her arm over her head. She had no weapons. And her eyes looked almost terrified. Her breathing was heavy as she kept her eyes on Peter warily.

    “Who do you work for?” he tried to ask, leaning forward. His body pushed flush against hers as he had her literally backed into a corner with nowhere to go. His hand began to slide around her neck, squeezing in a little bit to threaten her in order to start talking, “You better start talking otherwise I will not hesitate right now,” he threatened through his teeth.

    Peter squeezed a little more, hearing her groan as he waited for her to answer. He blinked as something bright glimmered along her neck, getting his attention. Adjusting his eyes, he glanced down at the necklace and squinted at her collar. The pendant staring back at him as his eyes rapidly fluttered back to her intense masked eyes; feeling his stomach drop.

    “No,” Peter said in a low voice as he grabbed the pendant, “Y/N?” he asked.

    And in that weak moment, you kicked Peter in the chest to break free. Sending him backwards and completely bewildered by what the fuck was happening…

Taglist:  @osterfield-holland-andcompany @missmulti @hazmyheart @lauras-collection @iamapersonwholikesunicorns @detroitbydark @mcuassemble @blahhhhhhhaaa @lonikje @beiroviski @ruefulposts @rebekkah4766 @desir-ae @kayla-m1996 @unicorn-princess-1999 @asmilinghopelessromantic @itsjusttor @whatareyouhidingpeter @when-marvellous-things-happen @mannien @lilostif16 @u-rrose @ninjalex1d  @baby-unidorn @astoldbydanid @honey-sea​ @fallingforfics​ @lulueliott24​ @mikalaka @babebenhardy @coni-martina @captainemrys​ @mktravelbuggie​ @underoosmarvel​ @pluckypete​ @hollandfanficlove​ @lookalivefrosty​ @lightmelikeacigarette​ @msmarvel-19​ @u-rrose​ @parker-holland-osterfield​ @thwip-it-real-good​ @shirukitsune​ @justanotherusername80​ @dangerdolns​ @jwolfesblog​ @jjayyc​ @ifilosemyselfagain​ @axisnpalma​ @just-a-littlebit-of-everything​ @bookgirlunicorn​ @kfcyum​ @thenoddingbunny-blog​ @buzzbuzzitsmeagainbitch​ @herondale-snow-carstairs​ @marvelobsessedteenager​ @unlimitedd​ @dramaholic18​ @softholand​ @panicattheeverywherekid​ @emotionally-unstable23​ @quackeroos​ @unbelievableholland​  @holyhumorliteraturelight​ @spideyyeet​ @katiekinzs​  @fanficparker​ @ifntelyinspirit​ @rubberducky-jrr​ @xguardgirlx​  @t-holland2080​ @selfcarecap​ @localfangirlx​ @xxpeachyxo​ @hazardosterfield​ @xstarbae​ @justanotherusername80​ @photoshopart15​ @spiderbibby​ @the-fandom-life-forever​ @jannine00742​  @parachutepants​ @decadentwastelandtrash​ @anythingthaticareabout​ @sunflowerxbarnes​ @londonspidey​ @azaraspirit​

[gokugf]

hi hello ik i havent been on much and i probs wont be on much for a bit still but?? how is everyone doing

[bellybiologist]

Current Dealings and Collecting Some Feedback/Opinions

(This is a post on my patreon, copypasted to here)

Hey guys, Just coming to reiterated what some of my original plans were, what's going on personally, and to collect some feedback on what I want to try to do this November and December.

Currently, since my mom passed, my household BASICALLY lost somewhere between 1/2 to 2/3rds of our income, and my patreon earnings are, atm, the only income I'm getting to pay for rent and all our various other bills until my aunt finds steady employment (she has some income working for a friend, but that friend is a douche and she's trying to get out of that).

It's been real rough for the both of us. Just recently, we paid off the 300+ dollar bill for the electricity that the oxygen compressor my mom required just to breathe at home for the couple months before she died, and only with help from my uncle.

She passed in august, we had her cremated, and we had her funeral and had to deal with a lot of stuff she hoarded in September due to apartment management needing to deal with maintenance. And i'm just currently... not feeling great if i'm being honest, especially after her birthday which was on the 13th of october (3 days before mine which was on the 16th).

Fall/Winter is always rough because its the season my mood drops in general, and the fact that i've recently lost my favorite person this year has my anxiety at an all time high, and energy at an all time low. I'm getting work done slowly, but my constant mood is basically that one meme image of Coraline's dad from the movie.

Anyway. I definitely need a break before i burn out or simply break down. Initially, I planned on taking my month off in January, but I think i'm going to need to take some time off earlier so i dont really crash and burn.

However, I can't really take a break cuz i need the income due to the above reasons. I only have like, 2 months rent saved up at any given point, so I'm feeling very pressured to power through and keep working... which, objectively, is not a great idea for anyone's mental/physical health, especially when I haven't felt like i had time to properly grieve and acclimate, and it's starting to catch up to me.

=====

So here's a proposition that I'd like to collect feedback on.

For November, December, and maybe January, I will continue to produce patreon exclusive content. But during these month's, I will be producing a reduced amount, thus giving me more time to rest, and more time to finally catch up on the commissions i owe (I'm very sorry for those who have been waiting since April. I simply could not predict how devastating my summer was gonna be 😔. I appreciate all of you guys' patience, but if it's still too much of a wait, do remember i still offer refunds as long as i havent sent a completed piece... which basically means you all apply, lmao.)

So for the month's with reduced content, I will still hold theme and character polls for people to exert their voting powers. However! I will only be doing fills for the first top 3 winners, and each will only be getting a single fill (as in, no sequences, similar to the 3rd and 4th place fills).

=====

Let me know what you think! I'm hoping this temporary set up wont last no longer than into January and that i can get back on the ball and have an at least half-way decent 2022, but it's gonna take some doing for sure. Once again, thanks for all of your support! Despite how badly things went this year, the few things I was able to do for my mother while she was sick this summer is all thanks to you guys. So i'm eternally grateful for that. 🙏🏽

[lorelexi]

hi !! I fucking adore your writing style and your work!! hope you're having a great week, and that you're drinking plenty of water and stretching regularly!

can I request tamaki, shinsou, hawks and bakugo (and if you can,, sneak in a lil Todoroki or Deku or Kiri or Mirio 👉👈 completely up to you though !! Don't want to overwhelm you !!) having a massive crush on a fem s/o who is popular with guys and especially girls because she sings and plays guitar and has short hair ?? Think Sailor Uranus in terms of looks— but she is completely oblivious about her appeal

bonus if she is a flirt w/o realizing it, she's just trying to be nice and concerned why you're so red, are you sick, here let me check your temperature 🖤

A/N: vibes!!! I f with this idea, thank you so much for requesting!! I’m really glad that you like my writing style! I’ll do my best to drink all my water and stretch I promise!

I decided to go with some headcanons for this idea since it would allow me to write a bit more!

I’m also not writing for any of the pro heroes atm but fret not, I threw in a few other boys to compensate. I hope you enjoy, my love!

---

Bakugou

• this dude,,, was really not expecting to fall for you

• but here he is anyways whoops

• he doesn’t actually even realize how popular you are at first 

• not until one day when he’s walking around the campus after school and sees a big group of girls and he’s like,, the fuck???

• then he thinks he hears your name and he’s even more “????”

• won’t admit that he was being nosy but he totally was when he conveniently started walking in that direction even though that wasn't where he was originally planning to go but whatever

• so he sees you in the middle of the crowd holding a guitar and he’s like :0

• you start to sing and this dude thinks he might combust i swear his ears are so red and he zooms out of there before you can notice him and bring it up

• fr tho he did NOT realize how popular you were

• first with all the girls and then after that he started to become more aware of all the boys you were attracting like hello??

• he gets kind of sick of it eventually, esp when you're hanging out with him and people keep interrupting to talk to you

• in this case, he will simply have to ask you out 

• it's the only way😘

Shinsou

•my dudeeeee

• he knows that you’re wanted

• it makes him want you more 😈

• fr tho he sees why everyone likes you and he’s not shy about talking about it

• 100% does it on purpose and will be like “heyyyyy y/n, you should play a song for us.”

• you’re still oblivious though, so you’re like okay!!🤩

•*a crowd immediately flocks toward you*

• you guys both out here flirting with each other all day long

• you may not realize what you yourself are doing or even processing exactly what shinsou mans by the words coming out of his mouth

• but shinsou does

• needless to say, after some time shinsou kind of breaks and confesses and youre like ??

• “y/n I’ve been shamelessly flirting with you for months now”

• “ I thought you were just being nice?”

• he really can’t even be upset about it

• especially not after you tell him you like him back

• boy is screaming inside

Amajiki

• he's definitely one of the boys who gets all curious and tries to see you but then gets pushed out of the way by some other guys >:(

• excuse me!!! There is a baby here !!watch where u are going!!😠

• you end up seeing him in the crowd all squished and looking uncomfortable so you get up from your seat, your guitar slung around to the side and reach out to him

• there is not one person in that 20 ft radius who wasn't jealous of tamaki in that moment

• he legit gets SO red

•  you're worried it was from being in the crowd and you start to dote over him which makes him even MORE red and well

• you may have to be the one to confess this time around bc it’ll probs be a long time before tamaki can muster up the courage to do it himself

• you confess honestly thinking you’re gonna rejected (which like even if you did,, girl you have so many people lined up who would be 110% willing to take you out) but then tamaki says he feels the same🥺

• you're like “you do??”

• as if this boy doesn't get flustered at even just the sight of you fhfdhfj

• the power you hold

• he nods a lil, playing with his fingers and you just smile real big and ask if you can give him a hug and just-

• agh my heart can’t handle the cuteness!

Midoriya

• the most flustered of them all! 🥰

• we all know this boy has his heart focused on becoming a hero but he just can't help falling for you!!

• you’re just so kind and likeable, and so so so pretty and he just loves your short hair so much fhfabfdhjh

• will physically and mentally malfunction around you

• he knows how popular you are and how much attention you attract from everyone so he always is making sure that he’s never making you uncomfortable or being too overbearing when he wants to hang out with you

• you appreciate it a lot but since you don’t realize that he has a big fat crush on you’re always really lively and willing to hang out with him and it flusters him so much

• you two are probably hanging out one day and you play him a song on your guitar while you rest your head on his shoulder and he’s melting,,, his face is so red

• you look up and ask if he’s okay and he does that lil thing where he waves his hands around and over his head trying to assure you that he’s fine without giving himself away

• your obliviousness to his feelings are a blessing and a curse

• poor boy😪

• it’s ok tho bc when yall finally sort that out you're the cutest couple and deku definitely gets a rush of pride knowing he’s dating a goddess who everyone adores😌

Kirishima

• this boy!!

• he thinks it’s so cool how much everyone likes you and he loves to hear you sing and play guitar🥺

• literally has zero shame he will compliment you all the time

• even though he has a big crush on you but he doesn’t do it in a way that is overly flirtatious or in a way that would make you uncomfortable!

• making someone uncomfortable just isn’t manly, yknow!?

• you definitely turn all of his compliments around on him

• not in a mean way! Just like in a  “no you❤“ kind of way

• bc you also like Kiri and you don’t really see how someone as great as him can just compliment you so easily so you always make sure to return the favor because you’re nice like that😌

• jokes on kiri though because while he sounds endearing when he compliments you, you unknowingly just sound so flirty and this boy has to try so hard to suppress the blush that’s rising up the back of his neck

• omg omg one day you offer to teach him a few guitar chords and it’s so cute!!!

• “ah no hehe, it’s like this Kiri!” you say as you move his fingers to strum the right guitar strings

• Kirishima rubs the back of his neck with his hand “ah I just can’t seem to get it right, you’re just way too good at this!”

• 10/10 very sweet

• mayhaps you confess with a song 👉👈

• and while it’s so cheesy I think that Kirishima would actually really like that hehe

• you end up dating and everyone is very jealous of kiri but yall are too cute so really how mad can they be

[rurifangirl]

aight. here somes the ask lore thingie

tw for ppl readin: mention of mental illness, father mention

firstly, how did rui end up meetin the rest of the gang? did they all have sum sort of run in? did they just happen to meet on exident?

also is the father a villain? i remember ya mention him, and was wonderin

and do they have a specific place where they stay? like in a dormstory, a single house, do they live in a single town, or in completly different places?

do any of them suffer from mental/physical illnesses? if they do, how does it affect their life/relationships w others?

Aight, so here we go, be ready cuz shit's long.

(1st part - The Rui n the gang meeting; The Shou meeting) No Tw

Honestly, I also kinda wanted to do this for quite a long time, so I'm gonna firstly talk about how the gang (w/o really mentioning the others name's since they're gonna get introduced soon) met itself and decided to form, and then I'll individually do It in Lyva's and Shou's case, specifically Shou's since i mentioned that his meetin was somethin id have to take care of in another post, so i will rn.

First things first, w the whole gang. Now It wasn't really casually, mainly because Lyva n Rui did meet up, but It was during a special occasion still, that being a really important manifestation in one of the main regions in my oc universe. (They don't have name's yet so pls don't bash me🤡) Them being primarly the Forest, where Rui eventually lives in after all of his past shit, the near-countryside part, where Lyva was living, a pretty much city living on water, where Shou's currently living, and many more, as such the dunes with which I'll introduce Qiran (hopefully tomorrow/today),The sea itself, some High up places and as I said many, many other more. Other than this brief intro, they meet up where Lyva used to live, but mainly because of problems and out of conviniance.

Everyone had something to take back from, so they agreed to help eachother to reach that end, so it's all really planned. Now i won't really go w Lyva, cuz i explained how she met Rui the first time n how they helped her, so I don't need to ramble more on this. Now I'm gonna go w Shou's part though.

This Is more of a note i wanted y'all to know first, cuz i really like how Lyva n Rui met him the first time (cuz the second time was when the gang then all agreed to form n all that jazz.). Basically, Rui n Lyva were out, n visiting new places as such, to prepare themselves further and to try and search for more weapons, cuz they both knew that they'd eventually get in trouble, and even though they still are good, they wouldn't stand much a chance, n since Shou's Place is known for its production they decided to go. N fun fact, there's many funny shit that happends, for example Rui tries to touch a fish, but gets SLAPPED by It. They're still mad >:[. Ajkskdj anyways, some other stuff happends n they just, lose themselves. They had a map ofc but still managed to do so. But Rui was usin It so, I don't really blame em for gettin lost.

Shit happends n they find themselves pratically in front of his shrine/palace. Shou's servitors (cuz he saw everything happend from afar n gave them the okay) brought em in, but rather than makin em idk some tea n just making them recouver, Shou rather put them under some "tests" w/o tellin em, to see if they were any use.

For example he brought them some cups of tea, but before drinking them Rui noticed somethin unusual in the water, so they gave Lyva a sign to not drink It, n as Shou asked as a reason why they just replied that they weren't thirsthy, leavin Shou in a kind of defeated state. Bitch if i love this part honestly, there's so much fun to seein all of their reactions, but I'm gonna go brief rn. So other of this tests pass later n Shou eventually gets upset cuz they're all winnin n seemingly makin fun of him, lettin him in a weaket standpoint, n a fight happends. Even though it's a 2v1 situation he can still manage pretty well, so It ends in a draw. They get to talk after this and get to understand that they don't have to necesseraly be on the opposite side, though Shou Is still unsure whether to belive in that or not.

After they leave him, pratically almost alone w only a bunch of servitors helpin him. He admits defeat n won't show up until the event and yadayada. (Also it's during this weak time of his he'll meet Qiran which i already have plans w so it's all goin to be said bout their relationship in their post.)

(2nd part, the father mention.) Tw:father mention

So it's true that w Shou i did mention his father, but I'm not entirely sure bout his involvment honestly. In theory he kind of is a villain itself, even because of his devilish nature, so it's true, but im not sure whether to make him an independent villain or part of a group of them. But rather than that yes, i do want to make him some sort of villain in the end, because that's also part of Shou's agreement to be part of the group. I will make concept art for him so he'll definetly be involved. Not gonna lie, mabye that bastards also involved w Rui's cult too in a way or another but im givin in too many details holy shit I'll never get outta this fuck

(3rd part- where do they live) No Tw

They live in their own homes honestly, but It would be no surprise if they'd all decide to sleep over someone in specifical, though they have their own place. I made some concepts for Rui's intern home, which here It Is 😤 (forgive me for the bad quality but it's 2 am rn 🤡) I made this a while ago but only did Rui's, so I'll do Lyva's, Shou's n the other one's too. They live in different places, for the exception of, atm, Qiran, since I'm gonna say that they're more of a traveller n don't have a stable home.

(4th part- the mental/physical ilnesses) Tw: Self harm and Mental ilness mention

Well, this Is gonna be a ride. They all suffer from Ptsd, which Rui n Shou suffering from It the most. It still affects them all, though in different occasions, so Imma just do them in specifical. (Also because i gotta add some shit to shou that i didn't wanna add because i thought It was too much honestly)

Rui-

It affects them really much. They use crystals n gems to avoid anything going w their past or anything remotely related It, as whenever they feel awful about havin those flashbacks when they still were a child. They never want to talk about what happened, n during their moments It gets really, really bad. Both emotionally and physically, as their body sometimes cannot handle anything so it completely shuts down. They never really got any help for It as Rui's too scared to share bout their experience, both because of trauma itself that doesn't make them say anything even if they wanted to and because of the cults influence, so either way they've got to handle It by their own.

Lyva-

Other than havin to deal w mornin sickness, which Is the least for her, she has to deal w her neglectful childood and how desperate she's always been for litteraly anythin, whether it's related about love,friendship, food, toys, anything. She tried to seek for help and semi found It, but as of now she can't keep up w It and has better things to take care of. It's still really bad overall, but she's hoping for things to get better. Spoiler It really won't.

Shou-

⭕Tw for sh⭕

It's... really fucking bad. I'm gonna get outta this w saying something i didn't want to add because it's really triggerin, but im gonna do It now. So basically, I've mentioned them acting feminenly for his own mother, but i didn't say what would've happened if he displeased her. She would just stare down at him and whispering some awful shit or names. This would happen especially whenever he'd slip off that mask of his or revealed even a tiny bit of his devilish essence. Note that he's still a child here. So, best thing he could to was to "punish" himself, which basically consists of him scratching his arms too much and, i don't really want to continue this, forgive me but it's kind of triggering even for me. But...you can guess what he's doing, since he even to this day still keeps sharp nails. I'm sorry for putting this, but it's another way to show how his mother fucked him up and now suffering from this.

I'm sorry for rushin the last part but i'm not personally vibing w it.

Tags undercut

@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx (I'm really unsure bout taggin ya in this ;-;)

If you want your tag removed, dm me cuz it's 3 am at the moment n i may have messed em up. (I'm not gonna recheck tomorrow so that's why)

[triptuckers]

Touch - Malcolm Reed

One word request:  Malcolm Reed + Touch  A/N: my first Malcom request 🥺🥺🥺 sorry if this kinda sucks, my mental health is really bad atm, I tried my best. hope you like it! Star Trek Tag List: @space-helen @livenerdyandprosper if you want to be added or removed from any tag list, send me an ask!

It’s been nearly a week and you’re still stuck in some improvised quarantine chamber down in medbay. About six days ago, you were part of a team that went down to the surface of a deserted planet to collect some samples and to see if there was life. 

Everything was fine, you collected a good amount of samples and even discovered a weird sort of reptile living near some mountains. Everything was completely fine, until you got back on Enterprise and one of the other crew members that was part of the team started to get very sick.

He was constantly throwing up, his temperature was dangerously high, he was sweating like crazy and had trouble breathing. Phlox immediately separated him from the rest of the crew to find out what happened to him. 

Out of precaution, the rest of the crew members that had been on the planet had to go in quarantine, even if they didn’t show any signs of sickness. This meant you had to be quarantined as well. And you hated it. 

Firstly, because Phlox wanted to do test after test to be absolutely sure you weren’t sick as well. It got to the point where he would wake you up in the middle of the night to do more tests with you. You were pretty sure he’d done every test he could think of.

Secondly, because Captain Archer flat out refused to give you a padd so you could get some work done. He told you to “focus on getting better”. And you told him, as you do every time he visits you to see how you’re doing, that you didn’t need to get better because you’re not sick in the first place. Still, he refused to let you work, and so all you could really do was wait.

And lastly, probably the one that annoyed you the most, you couldn’t be with your boyfriend, Malcom. Though he was allowed to visit you in medbay in between shifts or on his breaks, Phlox insisted he remained as close to the door as possible. 

Because Phlox was always in medbay, you couldn’t have real conversations with Malcom. Most of the times you just talked about his day, what was happening on the ship and other bits of small talk. You couldn’t wait to get out. 

Every time you thought Phlox had run out of tests he could do, he found yet another one, forcing you to be stuck in medbay for yet another day or two. Phlox didn’t seem to mind, he wanted to be absolutely sure you weren’t sick. You pointed out to him you were the last one in quarantine and you didn’t have any symptoms. Other crew members that also didn’t have symptoms got out way quicker than you did. 

Phlox assured this was because you have an important position on the ship and you work with a lot of different departments. Because you didn’t want to ruin the good mood of basically the only crew member you saw, you sort of nodded along to whatever he was saying. But it was starting to get annoying. You wanted to get out, to see Malcom, to hold him close, and to do your damn job. 

When you wake up on the seventh day, you expect Phlox to be ready to take even more tests. Instead, he’s nowhere to be found in medbay. You walk around your improvised little chamber, looking at every corner of medbay. Phlox is not in medbay. 

You frown as you sit down on your bed. There’s nothing you could do but wait. You could contact Phlox if he’s taking longer, but maybe he’s just getting something to eat and he’ll be back in a while. 

About 45 minutes later, however, Phlox still hasn’t returned. You walk to the intercom and press a button.  ‘Phlox, it’s Y/L/N. Where are you?’ you say. You wait for a while, but he doesn’t respond to you. That’s weird. Normally, Phlox is very fast with his replies. 

You decide to try and see if Captain Archer knows what’s going on. You press the button and say ‘Y/L/N for Captain Archer.’ No response. Why would both the doctor and the captain of the ship not reply?

While starting to worry, you press the button again. ‘Y/L/N for Reed.’ you say. Thankfully, Malcom does answer you. ‘Reed here.’ he says.

You let out a sigh. ‘Thank god. Phlox and Captain Archer aren’t responding. Is something happening?’ you say.  ‘Not that I know of. Phlox did call the captain away but he didn’t sound too worried.’ says Malcolm.

‘I’m going crazy. I haven’t got any of the symptoms, I feel completely fine, yet Phlox insists on keeping me locked up.’ you say. ‘Okay, first of all, you are not locked up, you are quarantined. There’s a difference.’ says Malcolm.

‘To you there’s a difference. You’re not the one that’s locked up.’ you say. ‘Want me to come to medbay? Keep you company?’ says Malcolm. ‘Your break starts in five minutes.’ you point out. ‘I don’t think anyone would mind if I leave five minutes early.’ says Malcolm. 

A few minutes later the doors to medbay open and Malcolm walks in. You smile at him and because Phlox isn’t around, he takes that opportunity to walk up to the glass separating you from the rest of the room.

‘Hi.’ he says.  ‘Hey.’ you say, glad he’s closer than he has been in seven days. ‘I hope no one called you out for leaving early.’ you say and Malcolm shakes his head. Just as you open your mouth to talk to him again, the doors open. Instinctively, Malcom jumps away from the glass.

Phlox and Captain Archer enter the room, apparently discussing something important, judging by the looks on their face and their hushed voices. They look up when they notice Malcolm is in the room.

‘Reed. Your break just started, are you going to tell me you sprinted down to medbay and beat me to it?’ says Archer.  Malcolm shakes his head. ‘No, Captain, I left five minutes early. I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal if I got back five minutes early after my break.’ says Malcolm. 

Captain Archer nods and turns his attention to you. ‘How are you feeling, Y/L/N?’ he says.  ‘Annoyed.’ you say. ‘When am I finally getting out of here?’  ‘Yes, about that.’ says Captain Archer and he gestures for Phlox to come forward.

‘I ran every test I could think of-’ ‘Yes, I am aware of that.’ ‘Y/L/N, please don’t interrupt me this is important information.’ says Phlox and you quickly apologise. 

‘As I was saying.’ says Phlox. ‘I ran every test I could think of multiple times and they all got back negative. Even though some crew members got sick, you didn’t. So you’re free to return to your own quarters and your station. You don’t need to be quarantined any longer.’ 

You look from Phlox to Captain Archer. ‘You kept me in this glass box for a week, with no physical contact, having to get tested over and over again, and now you’re telling me it was all for nothing?’ you say. You feel anger rising in you and try to remain calm. They basically just wasted a week of your life on this ship.

‘Well, we couldn’t be entirely sure you were okay before running all those tests, Y/L/N.’ says Captain Archer. ‘You kept me here for a week!’ you say, your voice getting louder. ‘I got way more tests than the others! The only contact I had was with you, Phlox or Malcolm! The only times I actually felt someone touching my skin was when Phlox was taking blood samples, and he was wearing gloves so it doesn't even count! Do you know what it’s like not to be touched for a week?’

‘Y/N.’ says Captain Archer. ‘We did it out of precaution. Yes, we made a mistake by keeping you in quarantine longer than necessary. We’re sorry it made you feel like this, I understand what it must be like to not be able to touch anyone. But you can get out now.’

Phlox walks over to the glass door and unlocks it. You can see the hesitation in his eyes before he opens it, allowing you to step out. You take a deep breath in and immediately walk over to Malcolm. He smiles at you as you wrap your arms around him and bury your face in his neck. 

‘You can take the rest of the day off, and start your usual shift tomorrow.’ you hear Captain Archer say. You turn to look at him, still holding onto Malcolm. ‘Actually, sir, if you don’t mind, I’d like to start immediately.’ you say.  Captain Archer nods. ‘That’s okay.’ he says and he leaves medbay. 

You turn your attention back to Malcolm. ‘Want to go and grab something to eat?’ you say and Malcolm smiles and nods. You let go of him to intertwine your fingers with his. 

Even though it’s been more than a week, feeling Malcolm’s touch could never feel strange to you. It's like coming home. And as the two of you walk out of medbay, you feel better than you have in days. You’re finally able to hold Malcom again, and to feel him kissing your cheek.

A/N: I hope you like it!! My one word requests are currently open. It ends October 1st so make sure to send me an ask if you want a one word request. Check my post about it for more information.