#side note i was toying with the idea of starting a blog specifically to give writing advice

[tpwk-formula1]

2K event

I was looking at my blog for the first time in months in I noticed today that I am less than 300 followers away from hitting 2k and when I do hit it I will be doing an event to celebrate since I didn't for hitting 1K which was my original plan but I hit it so fast I had no time to prepare.

I have made a list of 15 fics I want to do but I need you guys to pick which driver you want to see! Just message me with which driver you want to see for a specific story! Once a fic has been claimed I will update this page! It will be first come first serve.

Some of these might even become a universe here at Lee-Lee's so if you end up falling in love with a story send in requests for it to keep it alive!

Masterlist (Will link once every AU has been claimed)

Side Note: I am trying to keep this as diverse as possible so I will more than likely not be using the same driver more than once (other than our Wag x Driver x Reader threesome)

Prompts for event

Porn star! Carlos X innocent! reader (Claimed)

Y/N is the innocent college student who secretly pays for a subscription on a porn sight to watch her favorite actor. When she finally starts using all the features her subscription has to offer she starts to build a little relationship with the man behind the screen.

Kinks involved - innocent kink, phone/ facetime sex, virginity loss, long-term edging, corruption, first orgasm

Tattoo artist! Lewis X piercer! reader (claimed)

Y/N is the new piercer her boss can't seem to take his eyes off of. What happens when he gets the bright idea of having reader give him a Jacob's ladder piercing. It becomes the start of their unprofessional relationship inside and outside the walls of his shop.

Kinks involved - body modifications (piercings and tattoos), oral (HUGE oral kink), forced orgasms, pleasure dom

Virgin! Oscar X PR manager! Reader (claimed)

Y/N has watched the way her driver interacts with fans and can't help but slightly fall in love with him, but what happens when she finds out he's spent his whole life working towards his career that he has never had a girlfriend or sex for that matter. She makes it her mission to corrupt and tease the driver until she gets what she wants.

Kinks involved - CORRUPTION KINK, sub! driver, loss of virginity

Charles X Pay for Sex! reader (claimed)

When Y/N gets a hefty payment to spend an entire weekend in Monaco fully paid for she's shocked to find a F1 driver on the other side of the door. She spends the weekend being his sex slave.

Kinks involved - sex slave, FREE USE

Pierre x Max X Reader (Claimed)

When Y/N brings up the idea of spicing up their sex life she's shocked to find her boyfriend brings up the idea of being with one of the other drivers on the grid. She's even more shocked when they make it back to his place to find a full furnished and decorated sex room.

Kinks involved - threesome, toys, bondage, edging, multiple orgasms

Lando X Luisha X reader (Claimed)

When Y/N and her WAG bestie start a low-key affair behind her best friend's back their shocked when her boy friend finds out and instead of him being upset is only rule is he gets to join sometimes.

Kinks involved - CHEATING (not a kink but a TW), threesome, wlw

Oscar X Bookworm! Reader (claimed)

When her boyfriend over hears her on the phone talking about how hot some of the scenes in her book are and how she wishes she was getting fucked like that her boyfriend can't help himself the next time she's reading.

Kinks involved - rough sex, oral

Frat boy! Lando X Sorority president! reader (Claimed)

Y/N and the president of her brother fraternity have been close since their first year joining the sorority and over the years they've had their moments but nothing to crazy, but after one drunk night that all changes.

Kinks involved - drunk/ high sex

Retired! sebastian x Young! driver (Claimed)

Y/N has always been a huge fan of (driver) and when he becomes her mentor her rookie season some questionable training builds between the two. Her reward and punishment system would have almost anyone else clutching their pearls but for Y/N it works.

Kinks involved - Dom/Sub, spanking, edging, multiple orgasms

Gabriel X Older! Reader (claimed)

Being Lando Norris's twin sister made for the most interesting childhood and now she's grown and working for Mclaren, but what happens when she catches the eye of one of the rookies.

Kinks involved - Quickies, sneaking around, caught in the act

Single Dad! Max X Nanny! reader (claimed)

When the newly divorced dad needs to have a full time live in nanny he goes on a long search to find the perfect person to take care of his twins.

Kinks involved - Age gap, low-key slow burn (Lots of plot with lots of porn)

CEO! Toto X Assistant! Reader (claimed)

Y/N is the new assistant to the rich and powerful CEO of Mercedes Racing. She's young but she knows how to do her job damn good. Her boss can't help but slightly fall in love with her.

Kinks involved - SOFTER SEX! Age gap, oral, breeding kink (LIKE HEAVY)

Nico X Ollie's Older Sister! Reader (claimed)

Daniel X (surprise) (I will announce this one once the materlist is created)

For the final fic it will be from my Paddock Bunny universe! It will be the whole grid x Y/N Brown! For this one send me in ideas or scenes you would want to see!

[domjaehyun]

hi! sorry to bother you, but i have a genuine question: do you have any advice for someone that wants to start publishing their writing on tumblr?

i read your rules and you said that you’re not going to give feedbacks on anyone’s writing (which i’m defo not asking bc it’s in your rules), but i still wanted to know if you have any advice or anything at all. idk i’m so nervous to ask you because i’m afraid that it might go against your rules (does this makes sense?) so yeah, don’t answer if i crossed a line or anything.

have a great day! bye!!

hiiii lovely !!! you aren't bothering me at all, don't worry :D

so, i def do have things that i think have worked for me, but this is a bit of an open-ended question that like . i don't know what direction you want me to go in!! so if you wanna send me another message with like . specific concerns you have, i'd love to help 💖

that said, i do have an advice tag!!!! as it is right now the tag has both like writing advice and life advice, but i don't think there are too many posts to have to look through bc i dont think i use the tag super often !! even though i'm actually abt to link the responses from that tag i think are most relevant and helpful jsdghdfhj so if you read these responses and you have more specific questions, you can def send me those !! (everything is under the cut because i . went off dfjhgsjfd sorry)

just starting to write: link link

getting people to read your stories: link (this one is a lil more elaborate, i think)

finding inspiration / motivation: link

writing about members you're not fully into:* link

*(honestly? i do not advise doing this. especially if you're just starting out bc if you start writing for, let's say, jaehyun, because you want followers / notes and he's a pretty popular member but your heart really lies with a "less popular" member, i hate to break it to you but, like... it tends to show. and i personally would rather want to come out the gate swinging yknow? come out with something you've worked super hard on and you're genuinely proud of!!

like if i find a new writer's blog and their first fic up is a jaehyun fic and, to be blunt, it sucks because i can tell their heart wasn't really in it? they are not getting any engagement from me whatsoever!! i'm not following, liking, reblogging, anything. honestly, if it's that bad to me, there's a chance i'm gonna block them 😭 but let's say maybe i go to your blog and you've written a fic about maybe yangyang, who's your bias, and i'm curious and i read it and i can tell you have a genuine love for the story and member and craft in general, you're infinitely more likely to get my engagement!!

like actually tbh? i remember one time i was scrolling through my dash and i saw a like . yangyang fic and i mean like. the banner was pretty, the sections before the "read more" were cohesive and neat and clean, and the summary looked interesting !! so i read it, even though i typically don't read for yangyang ever !! and that ended up being . one of the most enjoyable fics i'd read in a very long time. ((if you're curious, i'm 99% sure i reblogged it to here under the fic recs tag; it is an entirely SFW fic written by someone underage (yes, i checked with her to see if she was okay w me rbing it here once i found out she was a minor) so behave appropriately !!!)) so yeah... tldr: put your heart into your work and the right people will come !!)

writing smut: link (this one also has a linked resource on how to write smut!!) (note: i personally do not use the linked resource because i don't think i need the assistance...but i have read it before and i do think it's all pretty sound advice!)

writing inclusively in fiction:* link

*(this post is not mine, but it's a great start for being aware of how your word choice can be more inclusive and less alienating for people of color!! there are many things to be aware of when writing inclusive reader-insert stories besides just race, though, such as body type factors like height, weight, build, etc., hair types, gender identity (i actually saw someone talk about this in the tags a while ago and it made me more cognizant of things like this but, like, if you're writing for a afab reader with she/her pronouns, then specify that before the fic starts!! (for example: instead of writing "jeno x reader" for the pairing, you can say "jeno x fem!reader") otherwise amab readers or people whose pronouns aren't she/her will waste their time at best and, unfortunately, might experience gender dysphoria at worst, y'know? and because we are considerate people, we do not want that.)

also, i feel the need to say that like. no, i do not read people's fics and give them feedback if i don't know them well because i know that i would have a hard time actually being honest; i do have friends on here whose work i've looked at before they posted it bc like . we are already friends and they know me enough to know that i would never intentionally hurt them, y'know?

however!! if you have a specific kind of writing question and you think i can help (and you have already checked google) then i would be up for helping!! but like...i cannot stress this enough... if you come to me with questions that i google and find the answer to within 10 minutes, i'm not gonna be helpful bc... you could have done that yourself y'know? do not ask me, like, "can you explain punctuation rules to me?" or "what's a noun?" (idk i'm spitballing rn) bc like. google it. that is a very easy answer to find.

now, if you have a question like "i have this line in my fic (insert line here) and i feel like it could be (insert your concern here); do you have any ideas?" or like a general plot kind of question, then i'm way more inclined to help!!*

*(note: i would really prefer if you asked these kinds of questions off-anon so that i can answer privately and also so i can maybe dm you to help you more!! if you send it off-anon and maybe i think the answer could help other people, then i might publish it, but i would never publish something you ask me to answer privately!)

ALSO, JUST SAYING: THE GRAMMAR QUESTION RULES ... ARE A LOT MORE LENIENT FOR NON-NATIVE ENGLISH SPEAKERS !!! english is a funky lil language and like . most fluent adults i communicate with tend to struggle with it, so i get it if you have a question !! but again, please try to google it first !! if you google it and the results make no sense to you at all and you're getting even more confused, then yes i will try my very best to help you 💖 i really do enjoy helping as much as i can, especially with something like writing which i'm super passionate about and, i would say, pretty darn knowledgable of !! but at the end of the day i am still not google and it's very likely that google can answer some questions better than i can!

OKAY I WROTE A L O T DFGHLJK but yeah so . look at these links and if you have specific or follow-up questions, go ahead and send them!! GOOD LUCK ILY 💖

[redpandaramblings]

Stardew Valley Bachelorette Kink Headcannons

OBVIOUSLY NSFW 18+ Minors DNI

Bachelors can be found here

Haley

First off, this bitch is a sub leaning switch.

She starts off as a bit of a pillow princess, but that would change as she discovers more things she likes and grows more confident.

Hucow. You know it. I know it. It’s really really freaking obvious. Hucow. Though she doesn’t like actual lactation, just pretend milkings.

Pet play. Prefers being the pet, but can go either way.

Humiliation. Receiving not giving.

Messy situations like mud wrestling.

50s housewife kink, where she’s the housewife.

French maid kink, giving or receiving.

Lingerie. Loves wearing it, loves when her partner wears its, loves showing it off.

One of her more unique ones is going commando really turns her on, especially when she’s wearing short skirts.

Sacrilege is another unusual one of hers. She fantasizes of having sex on the alter in the chapel a lot, though she’d never act on that one.

She thinks she’d love a threesome, but she wouldn’t.

Leah

This woman is a service top/ pleasure dom.

Very much enjoys any scenario where she can tease but spoil her partner.

She can and will make her partners orgasm til they cry.

Queen at aftercare.

Has been to BDSM clubs and orgies.

Has given demonstrations on safe bondage and rope techniques.

She’s up for trying most things at least once, with a few exceptions.

She absolutely hates anything to do with DD/LG. Calling her Mommy absolutely kills the mood for her.

Her favorite toy in the bedroom is the riding crop.

Enjoys pony play.

Has absolutely made art pieces that double as sex furnature.

She has tries making her own sex toys before with some success. It isn’t her favorite thing to create, but will do so when the mood strikes her.

Maru

Ah, Maru.

Maru would probably never think about getting into kink on her own. A partner or friend would have to introduce her to the idea.

That’s not to say that she doesn’t enjoy herself once she starts exploring.

Is very scientific about kink. Each new thing she tries by herself or with a partner is an “experiment.”

She’s more likely to retry kinks she didn’t initially like because she wants to make sure her results were accurate.

Ends up fascinated by and collecting various motorized toys. She enjoys using them on herself and others, as well as tinkering to improve them.

Makes an “insemination” fucking machine that pumps lube.

Is into cumflation

Is also into monsterfucking.

Will roleplay monsterfucking scenarios with her partner, and is fine being the monsterfucker of the “victim.”

Is the only Bachlorette into CNC.

If she’s single for too long after discovering kink, she will try to build herself a Werewolf fuckbot.

Emily

Is a switch.

Is a furry that’s into the kink side of furry. 100%. Makes spare money selling mursuits online. I can’t change the facts. (Important side note- A mursuit is a type of fursuit specifically designed for fucking in. Most fursuits are not mursuits, and it’s rude to ask and assume that. Furry hate is not welcome on this blog.)

Has a collection of bad dragon style dildos that she bought from small independent shops.

Had a quartz dildo when she was first getting into crystals. Now knows better, but keeps it around as a reminder to research before trying things.

Enjoys outdoor sex/nudity.

Would want to work through the Kama Sutra with her partners.

Isn’t into BDSM

Is into sensation play. Ice, silk, feathers, etc.

Likes to laugh in the bedroom.

Slight tickling kink.

Slight foot fetish.

Penny

You might think she’s a sub, but is actually a switch.

Having control taken away is very soothing to her.

But being 100% in charge gives her a bit of a euphoric rush. Which she prefers depends on how her day has gone.

Has a breeding kink, pregnancy kink, lactation kink, and even a birthing kink.

Fairly vanilla and hesitant around kink at first because she has some misconceptions that kink is wrong and bad.

But then she’ll have a few years of “former religious kid/responsible child freak out” where she goes overboard and is too deep into kink for about a 3 year timespan.

She absolutely had a kinda creepy online sugar daddy she sent pics to at some point.

Most likely to have a secret Only Fans.

Lingerie connoisseur.

Has a virginity/innocence kink, roleplaying “it’s my first time.”

Similarly, has a corruption kink.

Likes tentacles.

Reads a lot of erotica in her spare time.

Abigail

Oh Abigail.

At first thinks she’s super super kinky.

She’s not.

Has several instances of claiming she loves “X” kink only to get into a scene with a partner and safewording because fantasy and reality did not match up. Examples of this include knifeplay, blood kink, biting with intent of drawing blood, and a few other things.

It takes her a while to actually settle down and find stuff she likes instead of chasing after things she thinks sound cool.

She enjoys threesomes and group sex. As said in the Bachelors list, has played around with Seb and Sam.

She likes pegging her partners.

Has a degradation kink.

Is a switch. “Mean” when in a dom mood. Bratty when she’s a sub.

Likes piercings. Will eventually get her nipples and tongue pierced. Has done a corset piercing before as well.

Loves high sex.

Enjoys double penetration

Likes anal, giving and recieving. Has a collection of plugs.

Likes pet play and tail plugs.

Loves talking about breeding her partners, but any implication of her being bred turns her off completely.

[peachyteabuck]

old school (make me drool)

summary: bunny is sweet, well-behaved. something about princess, though, makes her want to act out for the first time in her life. 

pairing: natasha romanoff x ofc

words: 2,663

trigger warnings: heavy md/lg, spanking, forced age regression, manipulation, there’s a vague allusion to starker, breaking of rules, 

notes/other: ANYONE WHO USES THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO BRING RAPE FANTASIES INTO MY INBOX WILL BE BLOCKED IMMEDIATELY. this was inspired by @orphiclittleone & i highly reccomend you check out their blog!

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

It started when Princess had to go with Steve to a meeting with Natasha. For whatever reason Steve decided she couldn’t be alone, and Natasha said it would be fine. Princess wasn’t too mad, unhappy she could only bring one of her prizes stuffed animals, but nearly-willingly went with her Daddy to Aunty Nat’s. Still, it wasn’t until she met Bunny that the pointed frown left her face.

Steve put her down onto the thick comforter next to Bunny, whose lips were wrapped tightly around a paci, hands clutched around a large stuffed animal of her namesake, eyes trained on the TV in front of her. Her long, thick hair was tied from her face with a pink scrunchie with a bow on it, her knit sweater a matching shade of pink. Her socks were stark white, ankle devoid of the tracker Princess had to wear.

Bunny said nothing at her guest, head only turning when Natasha caressed her face.

“Uncle Steve and I are going to do some work in my office, okay Bunny?” She placed a kiss to the girl’s head where her hair parted, careful not to remove any from her perfect ponytail. “I’ll be down soon to give you your bottle. Until then, play nice with Princess, alright?”

Bunny, still not dislodging the paci, nods and leans into her Mommy.

“Good girl,” Natasha praises, leaving one final kiss to her girl’s forehead before leading Steve into her office, a room adjacent to the playroom the girls resided in. In a moment of good faith, she had her coworker close the door behind them.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Steve chuckled as he sat in the fine leather chair near the fireplace. “I put that track on Princess for a reason, you know.”

Natasha sighed, grabbing the file from her desk. “If we weren’t discussing how someone was disemboweled by a small terrorist organization outside Orlando, I’d keep it open.���

Steve, already worried about what Bucky had exposed Princess to in order to watch her squirm, acquiesced.

Back in the playroom, Bunny made a disgruntled noise as Princess poked her chubby cheek.

“Do you ever speak?” Princess asked, nose wrinkled at her supposed playmate’s poor playful reciprocation. “Daddy said you were quiet, really quiet. He said you almost never talk. I’m not quiet.”

Bunny, much to Princess’ dismay, remains mute. Not a squeak, not a huff, not an eyeroll. Even Bucky’s Doll was better than this, and she was often too exhausted to give Princess enough attention for the girl’s liking.

Princess, though, is anything but a quitter. She pulls back for a few minutes, allowing her counterpart to relax. Just as Bunny seemed the happiest, Princess yanked the paci out of her mouth and pinned her to the floor.

Bunny tried to yell, but Princess placed her hand over the girl’s mouth before she could do anything. As Princess leans close to her ear, she whispers low, giggling as Bunny clutches her stuffed animal’s ears in her tiny hand. “Daddy says we can be playmates, do you want that, Bunny?”

Suddenly, in the span of less than a second, Princess hears her Daddy’s footsteps, hears the knob turning, and jumps off Bunny to the other side of the blanket. Bunny laid, there, stunned, as Nat and Steve picked up their respective littles.

As Steve bid his goodbye, and Nat turned around to close the door, Bunny perched her chin on her Mommy’s shoulder and locked eyes with Princess, who wears a smile fit for the evil penguins from the movie Bunny was watching before Princess showed up.

Somehow, Bunny knew their game wasn’t over.

The next time they met, Bunny is playing on a blanket in Natasha’s expansive backyard, dressed in a plain-pink one-piece bathing suit with her hair in two braids down her back and the bracelet Doll made her on her left wrist. Peter’s in the pool, sunbathing on a unicorn floatie. Doll’s curled into Bucky’s side, shoulders covered with one of her Daddy’s worn t-shirts – one large enough to cover her sensitive, bruised thighs. Natasha, Stark, Strange, and Rogers are all inside, making drinks for themselves as the sun swelters high in the sky.

Princess is the only other conscious person who remains outside, an easily forgettable body as Bunny colors under the sweet shade of the big tree in the back of the expansive yard, quiet enough that the occasional squirrel or bird will hop across her blanket and sniff at her forgotten snack.

She’s unable to ignore her counterpart, though, when Princess plops herself down onto the thick, cotton blanket specifically designated for outdoor use.

Bunny, despite her annoyance, says nothing.

Princess says nothing in turn, watching the girl in front of her meticulously color in the lines of a complicated flower.

“Daddy never lets me color anything like that,” she finally says, staring at the set of sixty-four crayons Princess had wanted for two Christmases and three birthdays but still never received. “Daddy says they’re too complicated for me.”

Bunny stops coloring for a moment, whole body stilling. Princess thinks she’ll say something, thinks she’ll show a break in her shell that’ll give her some in. But no, the sound of crayon gliding against thick paper fills whatever silence Bunny intended to proliferate with words.

It’s then that Princess takes out one of the most-loved crayons – a soft blue that’s had the wrapped long since pulled off.

“Do you like this crayon?” she asks Bunny.

Bunny stops coloring – bright orange crayon inert as she tries to swallow the dryness in her mouth. Fear paints her face as she gazes upon her favorite coloring tool. Out of all her markers, her colored pencils, her watercolor paints. None of those hold a candle to that one crayon. It’s the only crayon she doesn’t like Natasha using, the only one she saves for the special coloring book pages – the ones she gifts her Mommy for Christmas and for her birthday and when Natasha picks her up from spending time at Uncle Bucky’s place because she’s been on a business trip.

Which is why Bunny nearly cries when Princess snaps it in half, then crushes the pieces into something resembling dust. She does whimper, though, does drop the crayon she’s holding and curl her legs up to her chest and stares at Princess with these wide eyes that beg for her to stop whatever it is she thinks she’s doing.

“What’d’ya gonna do about it?” Princess questions. When Bunny doesn’t answer, Princess quirks her eyebrow then moves to grab another one.

Bunny gasps, tears beginning to well up in the corner of her eyes. “Please don’t,” she whispers.

Princess pretends not to hear her, and selects another well-used crayon. “Really, you’re just gonna be a baby and let me do this?”

Bunny looks around the lawn, begging Natasha to come outside or Peter to feel how frightened she is or even Bucky, a man who rarely pays attention to her but seems to like her more than Princess, to look over and wonder why there’s such tension between his best friends’ best little girls. Unfortunately (for you, at least), none of them pay you any mind. Somehow this is worse than when Natasha has to leave you alone for work or whatever it is she does when she’s away. At least then you don’t have to do deal with Princess.

“Please, Princess,” Bunny says a little louder. “Please don’t break my crayons.”

Princess smiles wide and sinister, like that Cheshire Cat from that movie you don’t like very much. “Alright then,” is all she says before standing up and skipping off to lay on the Aurora towel that was in the shade of a different tree. Even though she’s alone, Bunny remains upright, curling around her precious box of crayons.

The third time they meet is Bunny’s birthday party about a month later. The main festivities are over, all the adults drinking from Natasha’s expensive liquor cabinet. Doll’s curled up on Bucky’s lap, playing with a My Little Pony toy (Applejack, of course) and occasionally being fed bits of cake from Bucky’s fork; Peter’s enthralled with the latest installment of their classic movie marathon that’s playing just too loud for Bunny’s liking.

On any other day, Bunny would be elated to watch her favorite movies with her favorite friend. She’s allowed to eat ice cream cake (vanilla, from her favorite pastry shop down the street) and wear her favorite pink dress.

Her hair is in two low buns with a pretty pink bow. Natasha spent the whole morning with Bunny in her lap, telling her how cute she is and how much she loves her. Everything was great, perfect.

That was, until Steve and Princess showed up. Natasha was preoccupied with catching up in her friend to notice Bunny clutching her favorite stuffie or Princess’ sly smile.

Like the first time they met, she and Princess are placed on the blanket that sits in the middle of the playroom. This time it’s fleece, thick, one Bunny made with Doll one of the rare times they’ve had playdates together. It’s full of mint green and soft pink flowers around a bunch of sea animals. Bucky said he found the blanket kit at a craft store and thought the two of them could make it when he and Natasha were working in his office.

There were a few moments of silence as Steve pet Princess’ hair and explained how much Princess had been looking forward to today. Princess just smiles big and wide and teasing, waiting for the adults to leave before she finally speaks.

“Ya know, Daddy and I love teasing each other…” Princess says as if she’s the most innocent conversation maker to ever fail to meet her counterpart’s eyes. “You and your Mommy should try it sometime.”

Bunny gulps, fidgeting with her hands. “Mommy doesn’t…Mommy doesn’t let me do that without her permission.”

Princess scoffs. “Oh, you ask your Mommy for everything. Daddy hasn’t made me do that in forever.” She lowers her voice to a whisper. “Daddy likes it when I act out.”

“Mommy doesn’t,” Bunny doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to stave off what she now understands is inevitable. “Mommy doesn’t like it when I act out. She likes it when I’m good. I get candy, cuddles, stuffies when I’m good.”

Princess almost rolls her eyes, frustrated. “Maybe you should just try it sometime, just to see what happens.”

Bunny doesn’t say anything back, too scared of what would happen. Natasha always told her curiosity killed the cat, but could curiosity kill her as well?

Hours pass without incident, without Princess nagging Bunny or Bunny snapping at Princess or, really, anything happening. Princess merely leaves her to brew for hours, eating cake with her fingers and eyeing Bunny to see how she’s doing. Bunny’s lost in her own thoughts, the only indication of time passing being Steve coming in take Princess home.

As Steve picks her up once more, a smirk spreads across her frosting-stained face. Her eyes are knowing, full of mischief. In the background, the forest fire scene from Bambi plays on the large TV. Bunny wishes she could be one of the forest creatures running for their life, able to get away from the natural disaster that had descended upon her home.

Despite her fear of Princess, her words stick in Bunny’s brain like gum in her hair. It’s all Bunny can think about for days, maybe even weeks after her birthday party.  It gets worse when she’s alone, when all she has are her thoughts and her hands and…and…

Bunny decides to do something, do the unimaginable the day Natasha says she’s going to have lunch with Stark and Strange. That she’ll be back in a few hours.

Just enough time, Bunny thinks as she hears the front door shut and the deadbolt lock. Just enough time for her to do the unthinkable.

◦ ◦ ◦

“Bunny!” Natasha calls into the house. There’s the usual pause, one where she’s used to allowing Bunny to find her voice. But for whatever reason, she doesn’t hear the usual yes, mommy? followed by the pit-pat of her feet across the house. “Bunny?” she calls again, but the only thing she can hear is resounding silence.

Natasha’s heartrate picks up tenfold, not even throwing her shoes off as she runs to the room she kept Bunny in when she had a long work day. As she types in the code to open the door, Natasha is met with a sight she’d never thought she’d see:

Bunny, with one hand down her pullup, and the other clutched over her mouth. Her pale yellow pajama shirt is hiked up to her ribs, threatening to fall over where her hand meets her center.

For a moment Natasha does not know what to do, body frozen and chest heaving and heart racing. Bunny hadn’t so much as blinked without permission, let alone touched herself sans asking Natasha beforehand.

Squeaky, breathy moans slip past her fingers, eyes rolling to the back of her head as her body shakes with the desperation that comes just before an orgasm.

That’s what snaps Natasha out of her trance, what makes her fly across the room and grab Bunny’s face with her perfectly manicured hand.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Natasha hisses through her teeth.

Bunny bites her lips, eyes wide with fear. “P-princ-“

Natasha almost growls. “What, Steve’s little?”

Bunny nods slowly, meekly, lip quivering in fear as Natasha hand remains firmly grasped over her jaw. “P-princess s-said that it woul-d be f-un to-“ Natasha, a woman who has not had a hair out of place since the Reagon administration, nearly knocks over Bunny’s designated stuffed animal bookshelf. Wordlessly, she places Bunny over her knee and exposes the soft skin of her ass.

Bunny hadn’t been spanked in years. Ever since Natasha had gotten her, broken her, she’d been the perfect little – so obedient and eager to please, smart and quiet, happy to play by herself while Natasha worked with the others. She was everything Natasha could’ve asked for and somehow more…

But this? This was inexcusable. She was a big believer in second chances, but those must always come after an appropriate punishment.

“You think just because Steve’s Princess can whine and act however she wants, that means you can, too?” she hisses, hitting each cheek twice. “You think that girl’s behavior excuses your own?”

Bunny yelps, trying to find the strength to speak without sobbing. “N…no…” she mumbles, digging her face into her and trying to curl against the woman whose lap she has found herself in.

“What was that?” Natasha snaps, hitting the backs of her thighs this time. The slaps of skin on skin echos throughout the room and stabs at Bunny’s ears.

“No, Mommy, I am not allowed to misbehave! I am not allowed to break the rules”

“Good,” Natasha says through grit teeth. She takes a moment to grope her heated ass cheeks, and you savor the sweet moments away from the sharp pain. “If you didn’t know your place, I would’ve had to call Steve up to see how he keeps Princess in line. Maybe Bucky, too. He once kept Doll in a basement for two weeks because she wouldn’t eat her vegetables. Do you want that?”

Violent shivers shoot through you. Uncle Bucky and Steve are nice enough to you, especially when Natasha’s around. But with her permission to discipline you in their preferred way? You shrink away at the thought. “N-no Mommy. No, Mommy I’ll promise I’ll be good.”

“Good girl,” Natasha coos, another few smacks landing on her bottom. “Now, for the rest of your punishment…” Bunny gulps, trying to relax her muscles so it doesn’t hurt as bad.

“Now, should I put you on meal replacement shakes or keep you in chastity?”

[beckzorz]

caduto dalle nuvole (one-shot)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader Words: 5012 Summary: A detour on a mission leads to destruction, and a discovery. Warnings: Canon-typical violence and gore. A/N: Happy Secret Seba, Paige @sebastiansloserclub​​!!!! It was a pleasure to write for you! Thank you to @jobean12-blog​​ for beta reading <3 The title, “caduto dalle nuvole,” is an Italian idiom that means literally “fallen from the clouds” and figuratively “taken aback.” Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy xoxo

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Any questions?”

You close the mission briefing and tuck the file under your arm as you stand, just barely controlling the tic in your jaw. “None, Captain.”

“Good.” His relief is palpable. “The jet leaves in ninety minutes. Good luck, agent.”

—

“I’ll be back,” Antonio says, and then he slams the barn door shut.

You gape. A key scrapes against a lock. Your heart stops for a horrible moment, and then you bolt forward.

“Hey!”

You slam into the door, body and door shaking from the impact. A chain rattles on the other side, and a car engine starts to purr.

“Hey!” you scream.

The car drives off, grinding against the gravel drive. You bang your fists against the door, rage clouding your vision, filling your veins.

Behind you, your partner lets out a breath and a thump. You turn, blinking away the red in your vision, and stare.

Bucky Barnes is sitting on a pile of hay, hands clasped between his spread thighs and his expression sardonic.

“Well,” he says. “That went well.”

You whirl back to the door, teeth clenched. You can’t manage a reply, not when it was his idea to hitchhike instead of taking the bus. Your own mother had hitchhiked across Europe in the seventies, but it’s not the seventies anymore. It’s decades later, and now… now you’ve been kidnapped. Kidnapped!

“We’re literally locked in a barn,” you snap. “And you just want to sit there?!”

Bucky sighs. “Look, this guy clearly has something up his sleeve. I did some research in the back seat while you were being sociable. SHIELD’s made a note of this guy before. Our mission isn’t so urgent that we can’t delay a day to figure out what his deal is.”

You lean your shoulder against the door and gape at him. “What, you think Steve will just say, ‘Sure, Buck, that’s totally fine! It’s not like I specifically tasked you to find these dangerous terrorists or anything?’”

“Uh, that’s what he said, yeah.” Bucky shifts on the haypile and holds up his phone. “I texted him to check.”

“Typical,” you mutter. You turn back to the door, the start of a headache pricking at your temples. You crouch down and peer through the crack of the barn door, looking for the chain.

“What are you doing?” Bucky asks. His voice seems small in the open barn.

You don’t answer. What’s the point? Surely it’s obvious. Why else would you be studying the way out except to break out? To enjoy the view?

Besides, it’s not like he ever tells you anything. If you hadn’t asked, would he have even mentioned he’d spoken with Steve?

He’s never told you anything he hasn’t needed to.

You stare at the chain through the gap in the door. It’s afternoon outside—if you rattle the door, you can see the sun glinting off the shifting links. Something to look at while you consider why your frustration is tinged with dejection.

When you’d first joined—when you were recruited, you’d had so much hope in Bucky Barnes. The Winter Soldier, stolen and used and come back to himself? It was your own story, if decades out of sync. Sam Wilson, bless him, even encouraged you to strike up a friendship with him. Sam, the only one who knew your whole story. Steve probably does by now too, but still. Sam was the first to know. He was the one who got out you. Got you free.

Of course, all the attempts you made to befriend Bucky fell flat. He was—and still is—polite, but unfathomably distant. Anyway, why would he bother opening up to you? He has Sam, Steve… Even Natasha, the only other person you might have felt comfortable talking to. He doesn’t like talking about his past, Steve once said. Try Natasha. But if you talked to her, she’d tell him everything.

And you don’t want to be talked about.

Not like that. Not by them.

You force yourself to your feet and step back. The hinges on the door are bolted in place—no easy removal there. Maybe a tool kit…?

The barn is dim, hazy. The sunlight streaming in from the small windows slants down in clouded beams, turning the hay-littered dirt floor into a mosaic of light and dark. And Bucky is all in shadow on his yellow throne. He’s barely moved since you last looked his way. Just sitting, and watching you.

“Did you see a toolbox anywhere?” you ask.

Bucky turns his head left, then right. “Nope.” He props his elbow on his knee and rests his chin in the palm of his hand. “Whatcha thinking?”

You prowl the perimeter, looking in every built-in shelf and drawer. “Unbolt the door hinges. Neither of us’d fit through the windows, and—wait a second.” You whirl to face him, quivering with relief. “Forget that. You can just force the door open!”

“Are you kidding?” Bucky asks. He holds up his left hand—it looks like a regular hand for the mission, but under the smokescreen is that same vibranium, that same strength. “Do you really wanna advertise that the Winter Soldier is in Italy? Right now? While we’re on an undercover mission?”

“Um, regular people break through doors all the time, Barnes.” You dash over and try to pull him to his feet.

He doesn’t budge.

“Seriously?!” You drop his heavy arm, muscles tight and hands quivering. “Are you just going to sit there? And do nothing?”

Bucky raises his eyebrows. “Yeah, I am. And as mission lead, that’s the call I’ve made. So sit down and chill, firecracker.”

Your fists curl into balls and you stalk away.

Firecracker.

A nickname, one you’ve despised since the first time Natasha sang it out over the comms on a mission last month. Firecracker, of all things! Like you’re no more than a party trick. An object. Not even an animal. Not even something powerful. Firecrackers are all about a lot of noise, not power. And you…

You slow as you reach the door. The wood is rough as you slide your palms across it and press your forehead across the gap. Outside, it’s still bright. Still afternoon. Inside, it feels like a nightmare.

You haven’t been locked in anywhere on a mission since… since…

For a long time.

You don’t like it. You close your eyes, breathe in—the air in the barn is stale, but if you squish your nose enough, you can get a hint of freshness from outside. The door scrapes your cheeks as you settle yourself.

It’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be—

A hand on your shoulder: you spin, catch their wrist, and stop short when you realize it’s only Bucky.

“You okay?” he asks. Is that pity in his voice?

“Of course I’m fine!”

His skin is hot to the touch; he and Steve have always run warm, but it’s a strange feeling to be touching him like this. It’s not part of training, not part of a fight…

You drop his hand and sidle out from between him and the door. Your hands are still trembling. You straighten them out until your bones ache, fingers flexed and muscles straining. Even your jaw is trembling.

“You’re not,” Bucky says flatly. “What do you need?”

A hollow laugh escapes you. You lean against a pillow and slide down until you’re sitting on the floor. “To not be in here! What the hell do you think? That I’m thrilled to be locked in somewhere I’m more liable to disintegrate than not?”

“What do you…”

Bucky trails off. You don’t bother looking up at him. God knows what he thinks of you.

But it’s one thing to be in hiding. It’s another thing to be locked up. God, how can he bear it? After everything, how can he—how can you—how could you ever—

“Hey.”

Your head jerks up, your eyes wide. Bucky is kneeling a few feet away, his hands clasped between his knees. They both look like human hands; a smokescreen disguises his left. It’s a good disguise, but it looks wrong on him all the same. He—it’s not him, it’s not…

“Look at me, firecracker,” Bucky murmurs. Your eyes snap to his; your eyebrows draw low.

“Don’t call me that,” you hiss. “I’m not some toy.”

He blinks. “It’s a nickname. A term of endearment, not ridicule. Hell, Sam calls me Tin Man. Does that make me brainless?”

“Sam’s your friend!”

Bucky’s mouth drops open and his blue eyes round as saucers. “Wha—”

He stops mid-word. He cocks his head to the side. You open your mouth, but he holds up a hand, silencing whatever you’d been about to say.

His sudden silence, the way he’s listening—is someone coming?

You give Bucky a look, and he nods. You both let out a breath and stand silently. Whatever you’d been talking about, it has to wait. Right now, you’re done arguing.

Right now, you’re a team.

Tires screech outside; you look to Bucky for confirmation. He holds up three fingers.

Three vehicles.

How many people in them?

And why, why are they here? Did they recognize Bucky? He’s not immediately recognizable out of uniform, at least to the untrained eye—but are these trained eyes? Was Bucky’s face the only reason you got picked up on the side of the road? This kind of mishap has happened before…

Car doors open, footsteps crunch in gravel, and you flex your fingers and reach for that spot of warmth hidden in your chest. It reaches out, settles around your bones, through your veins until your fingernails glow. Bucky glances down, his lips quirk up, and then his eyes settle on yours. His pupils are wide with adrenaline, and he’s looking at you so intently your breath catches in your throat. Your fingertips are white-hot now, casting an eerie light from below.

He looks all the more terrible and wonderful for it.

“Ready?” he murmurs.

Your focus rams back into place. It’s just your mission lead, just Bucky. And there’s bigger fish to fry right now than the dark sky in his eyes.

“Ready.”

Bucky tilts his head towards the fused hinges on one side of the door. You press your hands against the top one, and the rusty metal begins to glow. Red drops of molten iron slide down catch on the wood, which begins to smoke. Licks of fire sprout from the jamb, and you hop back, shaking out the sparks from your fingertips.

Bucky maneuvers ahead of you and kicks the door open, wood splintering at the bottom, his left arm up. Twin shouts of surprise, two quick gunshots, and the door shudders from the impact.

“Get the other one!” Bucky snaps, pulling the bust-open door back into place as shouting begins in earnest.

You dash to the other door. Bullets pepper the door, but the wood is thick enough to contain them—for now. Something niggles at the back of your mind, but you push it away. Of course something’s wrong. But now’s the time to act, not think.

The second hinge disintegrates faster; the longer you go, the hotter you get. This is the longest you’ve ever lasted like this on a mission—usually you have guns, tools, equipment… Today you have only yourself.

Sparks fly, settling on your pants, little spots starting to burn away. The glow in your fingertips spreads down to your second knuckle, third knuckle…

Bucky pushes the two doors forward together, driving them forward like a shield wall against the god-knows-how-many people approaching. You stick close, scooping up a handful of gravel and shaping it in your palms. Gunshots ring out, striking the padlocked chain, the doors, the dirt at your feet.

“Get that damn thing on!” someone shouts.

A colossal hum groans into life, flooding your ears as you lose all sense of feeling. Bucky cries out, digs in his heels as he left arm shoots forward, but you’re a million miles away as the doors fall away from you and clatter to the ground. Dust clouds in the air as you realize that the molten rocks in your hands have dripped through your fingers, burning your shoes away. You step back, hands shaking, suddenly cold as the warmth in your chest fizzles out.

Then you run.

Gravel bites into your bare feet and makes way for tough grass. But there’s rocks here too, hidden ones, and within seconds you stumble, a sharp rock tearing a gash in the pad of your foot. Still you run, eyes burning more than your hands had been, ice settling fresh in your veins as footsteps pound behind you, harsh breathing that isn’t yours whistling in your ears.

A grunt, and someone’s hand brushes your arm. You gasp, air slicing against your screaming lungs, and pump your legs harder, harder—

“Augh!”

A hand catches your elbow, yanking your shoulder, yanking your whole body to the side as you keep going, heartbeat frantic, brain screaming, eyes barely seeing except to realize that this is the first you’ve seen again, and it’s just like you remembered, oh god, oh god; you pull your arm against the tight grip, but there’s no breaking free, the grip is too strong. You manage to get a few steps farther, dragging your assailant with you, but he digs in his heels.

Like Bucky dug in his heels.

Your eyes swivel in your head back to the barn, back to where Bucky is still fighting against some machine aimed at him, making waves in the air as it pulls at his left arm. Even from a distance, you can see he’s confused despite his bared teeth and furor. He glances your way, and the fresh strangeness in his expression takes you off-guard.

The other one who’d been chasing you grabs you, catching your other hand.

“Gotcha,” he grunts, breathless and gleeful.

You can’t take your eyes from Bucky. He’s looking at you more now. The tears pricking at your eyes make it impossible to read what he’s thinking, but you know.

The first one knees you in the gut; you fall to your knees, eyes watering afresh and nausea tickling the back of your mouth.

You know what Bucky is thinking. You’re just a firecracker. You’re useless. You’re a party trick—

You surge back to your feet, hand curling into a fist as you drive your knuckles into the first one’s neck. They choke, eyes blown wide and hand instinctively dropping from your elbow to clutch their throat. You swing your other arm, ready to drive it into their gut, but the second one catches your wrist, twisting your arm up behind you. You scream in pain—your pulled shoulder is useless now—and make to get out of their hold, but you’re caught, and someone else has come along now, and they kick you facedown into the grass. Still you persist, wriggling and kicking and trying to force yourself to your feet, to your knees, onto your back—to anything other than in the grass, blades prickling against your cheeks and mouth and nose.

God knows how, but you manage to twist over and drive your foot into someone’s crotch. They squeal and hobble back, and you grit your teeth through the pain and push yourself up before someone drives a foot into your stomach again, slamming you back onto the ground.

“Stay down!”

It’s the second man, the one who’d pulled your shoulder. He steps heavy on your chest until your bones creak, and you scream from the pressure, the pain.

“Stop, you idiot!”

You freeze. Your scream dies in your throat. The man lifts his foot away, and even through your tears you can see his scowl.

That voice—

No. No.

No.

You curl your fingers into the grass. It’s alive in your hands. Something alive, that thinks no ill of you, that wants nothing from you, something green and alive and you are not going to let them take you again.

With a cry, you push yourself up and launch yourself at the man who’d held you down. Your punch to his jaw sends him reeling. There’s nothing left of the warmth from in the barn in your chest, but you reach for it anyway, desperate, as you dash towards the man whose voice you never want to hear again.

He’s holding a gun, pointed loosely at you, his suit clean as ever and his hair as short. His eyebrows are raised, as if he’s surprised, but you don’t care, you don’t care, all you want is to break is neck and never let him speak another word as long as he—

Crack.

White-hot pain lances through your hip as he shoots, but you keep going until you’re on top of him and he’s in the dirt and your hands are around his neck and you’re squeezing and then your hands are on empty air as that idiot pulls you off.

You stumble a few feet away. There’s no warmth for you to pull at, but sparks shoot intermittently from your fingers as you snarl, blood pulsing at your hip. The idiot has a cattle prod in his hands, and he’s thrusting it at you, the buzz sending shocks through you long before it touches you.

The boss, on his knees, lurches forward towards the two of you, his eyes comically wide.

“Don’t—”

The cattle prod hits you.

White.

All you can see is white.

White fire burns in your veins, under your skin, burning searing screaming—

—

White fire flares out from where you’re caught between a bunch of the goons. Something explodes. For a moment, the whole area is flooded with white, turning the world into static. Bucky’s heart stutters—he can’t see you, where are you, what have they done to you?

A wave of heat hits him with such intensity that he shouts, his arms automatically flinging up as protection. The world goes white; something clatters nearby.

Arms? Arms?

Yes, both arms. What happened to the electromagnet? Was it the heat?

Whatever it was, he’s free. He lurches towards where the electromagnet had been, teeth gritted against the pain of the heat in the air. He can hear frightened breathing, swearing—fuck fuck fuck fuck fu—and he pounces, landing awkwardly on someone’s shoulder, but not so awkwardly that he doesn’t knock them unconscious before they can land a single blow. He stumbles off of them, ears cocked for any other noises, any other sounds, but all he hears are footsteps running haphazardly away.

They’ll get found, eventually. Right now, he can’t leave. Not without knowing what’s happened to you.

Bucky’s vision clears slowly. It’s still uncomfortably hot—sweat beads on his forehead, on his neck—but there’s a slow breeze. There’s a column of smoke to his right, where you’d run off to, and he slowly moves in that direction as he blinks away the whiteness from his eyes.

Every step forward, the heat intensifies. There’s no more grass, just dirt, with black smoke spiraling up from the bare ground. Sweat drips down the hollow of his back, catches in his eyebrows—he shakes his head, teeth bared, and forces himself forward.

What the hell happened?

Had they come for him, or you? Why would they have come for you? Whatever he thinks of you personally, your powers have never seemed that extraordinary to him. Your work at the barn, turning wrought-iron hinges into molten metal in seconds—that’s the most impressive thing he’s seen out of you to date.

Whatever had happened, the white fire and the horrible heat and the whole world gone white—that can’t have been you. But you can’t be burned, can you? Whatever it was, it can’t have hurt you.

Could it have?

He breaks into a run, squinting. A shadow on the ground catches his eye.

Bucky freezes in his tracks.

A corpse, burnt nearly to the bone. Red-hot metal pools under its pelvis—a belt buckle? A gun? No, that’s the gun there, with the extra charring on the ground. Is that what had exploded earlier? Must be.

Bucky’s mind fast-tracks past the corpse. If this is what had happened to someone else…

He steps over a charred, skeletal foot, his heart in his throat as he squints against the hot smoky air.

If that’s what happened to someone else, how could you have survived?

Bucky’s eyes water more than ever as he walks faster. “No no no,” he mutters. “That’s not…”

Another charred corpse, this one truly burnt to the bone, tendons just barely holding it together. Tears track down Bucky’s cheeks as his eyes run from the long foot up the leg, over the hipbones—

A bare foot is caught in the ribcage. A skull cradled against a bare hip, scraps of charring fabric caught in the sockets. One hand, full and alive and covered in soot, flung across your belly.

Bucky falls to his knees and crawls forward until a tear falls onto your sooty skin. Your face is turned away from him. His hands quiver as he reaches for you—for the first time, he realizes the smokescreen has died—and touches your shoulder, the back of your hand. You’re still, too still, and your skin is cold to the touch. He can hear your heartbeat, but it’s faint as a whisper and slower than molasses. There’s no sound of breathing.

“Breathe, dammit,” he mouths.

He nudges you, presses down on the hand over your belly, trying to force some movement in your lungs.

Nothing.

He takes your face in his hands; they’re shaking more than ever. He turns your head towards him, crying outright now.

“Please,” he breathes. He shifts his knees until he can bend his face inches from yours. If he has to get you to breathe by giving you breath himself, by god he’ll do it, he’ll do it a hundred times, a million, because you can’t be dead here on the ground, you can’t be, he won’t let you.

Bucky sucks in a breath, the smoky air stinging his lungs, but before he can pinch your nose shut, you shift, groan, and turn your head just enough so he can see your lips parting and a tear tracking down your cheek.

Relief washes over him like a tidal wave. For a moment, all he can do is close his eyes and press his forehead to yours. Your skin is still cold, but you’re not dead. You’re not dead. You’re alive. You’re alive, and you’re going to be okay. He’ll make damn sure of it.

One last shaky breath, and Bucky sits up on his heels. He shucks off his coat, tucks it around you, and hoists you into his arms. The skull rolls to the ground. He has to work the ribcage away from your foot with his own hand, but then he’s taking you away, back to the burning barn, away from… He glances back. It looks like a bomb has gone off. It looks…

It looks…

It looks like something he’s seen before.

Bucky’s steps slow as he stares down at the top of your head.

He’s seen this before.

The white blast. The scorched earth. The charred corpses.

He’s seen it in South Africa, in China, in Ukraine, in Venezuela. Terrorism attacks, with tenuous links aside from the identical carnage.

Monthly attacks that ended… the same month you joined the team.

It’s only habit that keeps him walking now. Force of habit, and how cold your skin is, and something past thought that has his throat clogged with horror. But he can’t drop you, no matter what conclusions his brain is coming to now.

The air is clearer here. The barn is on fire now, whether from your handiwork earlier or… or just now, he couldn’t say. But the breeze is blowing the smoke away. One of the three cars is missing—some of them must have fled, but someone will find them. Someone.

There’s an SUV with open doors. Bucky settles you in the passenger seat, careful to tuck his jacket around you properly as your head lolls. When you come to, there will be enough to explain.

There has to be an explanation.

There has to be.

Bucky pulls out his phone. Sam’s on speed-dial.

Sam’s voice, when he answers, is answer enough.

—

It’s cold.

The air is warm, but you’re cold, so cold. Like your heart is ice. You squeeze your closed eyes shut further and reach for that spot of warmth in your chest.

It’s not there.

You whimper, try again.

Nothing.

You’ve wrung yourself dry.

How—

Your faces twitches as you try to remember. All you remember is white, the static of whiteness.

Whiteness…

Your eyes pop open as you suck in a harsh, smoky breath, every muscle taut and shaking as you stare at the burning barn through—through a windshield? You’re in a car? Your heart pounds out of your chest. Did they put you in a car to take you away?

The door to your right is open; you lurch out of your seat and land on your bare knees in the gravel, one hand clutching the open door for support. You stagger to your feet. There’s no warmth in your chest and no strength in your bones, but you force yourself away, away, away—

A hand touches you, and you scream, flailing blindly until your wrist is caught.

“Hey hey hey, careful,” a soft voice says. Another hand settles on your waist, the hand on your wrist shifts until it’s holding yours, and it’s then that your eyes refocus on—

Bucky.

His eyes are wide, fixed on your face. You blink. His face is sooty, but there are clear tracks running down his cheeks. Was he—was he crying?

“You okay?” he asks.

His voice is still soft, still gentle. His eyes are still fixed on your face.

Whiteness…

“I—I don’t know,” you stammer. You put your free hand on Bucky’s arm, head swimming. The gravel bites into your feet, and you wince.

Your shoes must have burned away. Your shoes, and—

A strangled breath escapes your throat as you realize. Your shoes burned away, your shoes and your clothes. You’re wearing Bucky’s jacket, but it falls only just past your hips.

God, what did he see? You stare at him again, only more confused than before. What happened?

Whiteness.

You clap a hand over your mouth, eyes wide.

You remember it all now, as starkly as if it was happening all over again. The run, the struggle, the gunshot, the cattle prod.

The whiteness.

“Did I—did—what—”

“It’s okay,” Bucky whispers. He gently wraps an arm around you and tucks you against his chest. “You’re okay. Sam is coming.”

Your hands wind into Bucky’s shirt, tugging it tight. You stare down at your bare feet as tears roll down your cheeks. Your left foot stings; are you bleeding? You shift your foot; yes, there’s blood on the gravel where you’d been standing. Your hip is less painful than you’d’ve expected, and you flex a muscle there experimentally. Something pulls at your skin—had Bucky patched you up? He must have.

Bucky.

What does he know?

“What…” You swallow. “What happened?”

“They set you off,” Bucky says.

You let out a slow breath. So he knows. You disentangle yourself from his hold and limp to the car; Bucky helps you along, and back up into the passenger seat. “Oh.” You turn away and look at the bottom of your foot, wincing. Yes, still bleeding.

“‘Oh?’” Bucky repeats incredulously.

You turn back to him, eyebrows raised. Bucky’s hands are wide open at his sides, as though he’s struggling to keep them from curling into fists.

“Why did no one tell me about this?” His voice is low, tinged with frustration. “Why didn’t I know?”

“Only Sam knows. Knew,” you correct. “He’s the one—”

“Who got you out,” Bucky finishes. He leans against the car, boxing you in. “But why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why would I have told you?” you ask, voice flat.

Bucky stares, mouth open, argument flashing in his eyes. You lean your head back and close your eyes. You’re still groggy and cold and tired, and there’s no way out with Bucky standing so close. All you can do is answer him.

“Forget why, when?” you continue weakly. “We’ve never been particularly friendly.”

“I can’t help being shy, can I?” Bucky snaps.

“Yes you can.” Your chin drops a little; your eyes are still closed. “I did my best, to try and make friends with you. I thought… it’d be good for me. Have someone who knows what I went through.”

“I didn’t know,” he says. He’s not snapping now. He’s quiet, almost plaintive. “I wish I had. I wish Sam had told me. I wish…” He trails off, sighs.

You peek open an eye. Bucky leans on his arm against the open car door jamb, eyes closed, face downcast. He looks… he looks like he’s more weighted down than you are.

A little warmth flares in your chest. You can’t tell if it’s real or just a hope.

You reach out and put a hand on his face. His skin is warm to the touch, as it always is. Bucky’s eyes pop open and he looks at you, his lips parted and his eyes wide and blue.

“It’s okay,” you tell him. “And I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair not to tell you. Not… not when we were supposed to have each other’s backs.”

“I’ve got your back no matter what,” Bucky declares, and the warmth in your chest coils and warms you straight down to your fingertips.

There aren’t words for what you’re feeling. All you can do is crane your neck and press a kiss to his sooty cheek and wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his cheek again.

Bucky shudders in your hold, and it’s all you can do not to cry as he wraps an arm gently around you.

“I’ve got you,” he murmurs. “And I’m not letting go.”

[normal-thoughts-official]

Speaking of kinky sex, do malec like role playing 👀

hoooo boy they sure as fuck do!!!!!!!!!!!! personally im a big fan of boss/secretary roleplay for twi malec. idk why it just looks like it fits them you know? Magnus in a beautiful pencil skirt and Alec just being in his element, giving him orders, and Magnus is lowkey flushed and loving the way Alec is so authoritative and barely looks at him, loving the way the skirt constricts him and makes him feel lowkey like hes tied up.... and if he has a toy in his cunt, maybe rabbit vibrator that Alec controls, it makes it just that much harder for him to escape the pressure on his pussy and clit.... and he has to keep trying to focus and do his tasks or else Alec will "punish" him and then "find out" about his toy... hmmmmmmm

@manzini wrote a great fic about this that i highly recommend tbh, it was everything i always dreamt of 👌👌👌👌

so yeah okay I'm partial towards that one but there are so many other possibilities! tbh i think that they both enjoy roleplaying a lot, both because of the scenarios they get to play out that obviously wouldnt be good otherwise, but also because, like. honestly? they have fun with it

we know they are huge dorks and sometimes they will just. get lost in creating the backstory for their characters and just get so invested??? and then suddenly they have this entire alternate universe for their roleplay and eventually they pull out blue prints and start mapping the secret villain lair that they're gonna set this whole thing in, planning for decorations, designing clothes/costumes, just. the whole shebang. and they argue passionately about the merits of blue vs green for the sheets and what each of them's backstory is going to be and. OKAY I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE HORNY CONTENT YOU ORDERED BUT IM JUST A SUCKER FOR THEM BEING SILLY AND EXCITED AND GOING WAY TOO DEEP INTO THINGS UNNECESSARILY JUST FOR FUN OKAY

also you know they have infinite time immortal Alec, babey! so they can be as elaborate as they want in their fantasies and possibly keep escalating. Magnus will be making himself some tea and Alec will stroll in all like "remember that hero/villain roleplay we did the other day? so what if there was a plot twist-" and Magnus will like, sit down and whip out this notebook so they can sketch and take notes. also you know with ADHD Magnus and autistic Alec they hyperfocus okay so suddenly 7 hours have passed and theyve been just deep into a lenghty debate on the economy and political relations of prince!Magnus' imaginary kingdom and they dont even know how they got there

tbh i have discussed this for a long time with my friend @thesorrowoflizards and its still one of my favorite stories/ideas that we have created. i think the original idea was mine but they added a lot so yeah udndjdn

anyway! as you might have guessed from this rant i also think theyre very into "villain Alec kidnaps superhero Magnus, and the bounds turn Magnus on and Alec smirks at what a little whore he is, what would people say if they knew the great hero Magnus Bane likes to be tied up and fucked by his nemesis~" as well as "prince Magnus loves being fucked and dommed by his servant Alec" like in @kinkymagnus' brilliant fic sitting on the throne which is not roleplaying but I'm still gonna throw here.

other good options: princess Magnus is saved by hero Alec and then Alec takes care of him in other ways 👀👀 (which usually brings out alec's protective side and entails a lot of reverent touches, praise kink, long eating out sessions where he gets Magnus to squirt on his face multiple times.....), maid Magnus whos a slut and is desperately trying to seduce their boss, begging to be fucked... strangers at a club, like another anon suggested on this blog ...... plus of course the weirdly specific scenarios like "apocalypse sex", or "ex lovers who reunite years later and can't resist each other", or....

yeah that's all I've got rkfndkdn i dont know a lot of roleplaying scenarios but hey hmu with them 👀👀👀

[acertaincritic]

Various Donghua Reviews

I watched or tried to watch a whole bunch of donghua in the past few weeks, and since I see little discourse on this type of animation, I decided to compile them into a list with my short opinions attached. If you are toying with the idea of watching this or that Chinese animation, check out below for both recommendations and a couple of no-no series ^.^”

First things first, some notes. “Wuxia” is a popular genre in Chinese media, based off martial arts, and most often it strays into fantasy territory (from what I’ve seen, at least). It comes with a set of already established tropes and world building details. Think about Western fantasy - when you see elves in it, you don’t have to be told what they are. There are variations, but generally elves = pointed ears + beautiful + magical, and everybody knows that. Wuxia has similar things that do not get explained in every story, so it might feel overwhelming at first, though many translators do try to explain them in the notes. Just for the sake of those who want to know before starting watching, here’s what might make your life easier:

Cultivators - people a little like mages, except they have flying swords and generally are well-versed in martial arts. Usually their purpose is to battle evil supernatural beings. In some stories they are ageless (as in, they don’t grow old) and very hard to kill, in others it’s toned down. Above a certain level, they often train by remote meditation.

Golden Core/Core Formation - sth like the source of their power?... Not exactly, but they have to form it through training if they want to use advanced techniques. It’s situated somewhere between chest and belly, I suck at anatomy, don’t kill me.

Paper talismans  - rectangular pieces of paper that are amazingly easy to toss at your enemies. Used for casting spells, easy to understand just by watching. Also if they seem to be glued to sth, then they usually serve as a seal of some kind.

Various demons/spirits/other magical beings - gosh, there’s a ton. TBH I don’t even know if some aren’t completely made-up by the authors for the sake of their stories. Generally be ready that a new demon/beast/something can jump out from every corner, and the characters are going to know what it is, while you don’t. Resentful energy seems to often be tied to them, as in, it’s what often fuels them.

All right, without further ado, here’s what I’ve tried already. The list is more or less in the order of recommendation, aka from those I liked best to those that I didn’t like at all.

Title: Mo Dao Zu Shi / The Grandmanster of Demonic Cultivation

Throughline: The supposed villain of the cultivators’ world gets reincarnated into an adult’s body 13 years after his death. Things escalate from there.

My take: 

+ my entry point into donghua.

+ I was hesitant to watch because of the BL tag, but there really is no need to get scared by it. There’s plot proper, well-developed characters, both main and side, and overall this clearly is a fantasy series with a romance rather than a romance with fantasy setting.

+ beautiful art and great animation with only sparse moments when CGI looks kinda clanky.

+ wonderful music, too.

+ honestly though, I’ve been on a low when I came across it and was brought back to life. It’s been a long, long time since I fangirled over a series so much.

+ if you follow my blog you must’ve already seen about it.

+ Just give it a try, OK?

- some things in the beginning are not clearly explained and many names get tossed in at once; especially if you don’t know any Chinese, they might all sound the same. The characters also all have long black hair and bishe faces. I recommend first checking them online and memorizing at least the main casts, it really makes watching it much easier - focus on the bangs and clothes, and try to remember their names. Or you can always rewatch the beginning after you get better at recognizing who is who.

- the cut to flashbacks is confusing, as it happens at the very end of episode 2. Then episodes 3 to 14.5 take place in the past - another thing that’s not super clear and worth keeping in mind.

Title: Di Wang Gong Lue / The Emperor’s Strategy

Throughline: The Emperor and his loyal noble ally take on many problems that befall the country.

My take:

+ This is the closest series to “Mo Dao Zu Shi” I found so far, though there aren’t that many specific similarities. Only the overall ‘feel’ is similar.

+ Also tagged BL, but TBH, if I didn’t know about it before watching, I still wouldn’t know it.

+ The relationship between the two main characters is like, funny and cute at the same time.

+ Politics and fantasy intertwined.

+ Also a lot of interesting side characters, though maybe they could’ve been given more screen time.

+ great character designs and music.

- animation. It looks like anime from around the year 2000, even though the series came out in 2018.

- some flashback stuff seems really cheesy. There’s not a lot of it, thankfully.

- the first three or four episodes aren’t very engaging. I got invested around episode 5, though as you see, the beginning isn’t so terrible that you can’t wade through it.

Title: Mi Yu Xing Zhe / Uncharted Walker

Throughline: A group of people are put on a tropical island, forced to play an escape game under extreme circumstances.

My take:

+ an interesting set of characters with various backgrounds, most of them likable or at least understandable.

+ despite the setup, it’s not as bloody as many similar series. Characters can die, but they don’t die that often, which really builds tension and keeps you on the edge of the seat, because when there’s a close-to-death moment, you never know if it’s one when the character will really die or when they get rescued last-minute.

+ there is a very strong “game” feeling to this, where characters generally have to figure out how to use their resources to overcome various obstacles.

+ some psychological stuff here and there.

+ very good animation and designs.

-/+ there are borderline supernatural elements, though generally playing pretend at scientific. I personally don’t mind it, but some people might be put off or disappointed.

- it turns much more creepy in the last 3 or so episodes, to the point that it becomes more of a horror than a survival and mystery story. Even worse, the horror stuff comes in a setup that’s pretty realistic, so I have flashback ‘till this day (I don’t like horrors, and being realistic makes it much worse). TBH if I knew, I’d probably resign from watching, because as much as I enjoyed everything up until that part, the creeps aren’t worth it... However, perhaps you like horrors better than I do.

- a HUGE cliffhanger at the end. But like, HUUUUUGE HUGE.

Title: Shuangsheng Lingtan /  Twin Spirit Detectives

Throughline: Twin brothers take on cases of supposed supernatural phenomena, bent on proving that they are not real - only that one of them appears to be a ghost himself...

My take:

+ interesting setup.

+ detective stuff - I have a soft spot for mysteries.

+ likable main characters and a few well-developed side characters, too.

+ animation is overall quite good.

+ has a solid arc, though with an open ending and kinda a cliffhanger about a side character at the end.

-/+ bordering on the supernatural territory again.

- horror elements, but thankfully, this time they aren’t that realistic.

- some things in the first few episodes feel rushed or not properly developed (apparently the issue is with the donghua adaptation, and the original manhua had a slower beginning).

Title: Quan Zhi Gao Shou /  The King’s Avatar

Throughline: The top player of “Glory” is forced to give up his account and retire for a year. What will he do now?

My take:

+ a decent setup, though it gets old quickly.

+ a large cast of interesting character with various strengths and weaknesses and strongly-defined personalities.

+ great art style and characters’ design.

+ great animation during fights.

- the main character. Just. I’ve rarely encountered such a Gary Stue, I really wish I could see him lose for real. Like, I’m OK with him beating noobs, that’s realistic, but he doesn’t stop even after other pros come into play.

- the plot seems generally directionless so far, and gets tiring easily.

- originally I was supposed to binge-watch it with friends as a series none of us knew beforehand, but we gave up after 6 episodes and I switched it to MDZS instead. I finished it alone later, and mostly for the sake of the side characters and animation.

- it is generally watchable, but like, far from best.

This point marks the end of series I watched whole. The following are series I dropped after 5-6 episodes (which I consider a fair amount).

Title: Ling Qi / Spritpact

Throughline: A guy dies and is given an ultimatum - to pass away or become a spirit companion of a demon-battling, Korean priest.

My take:

+ setup and world building. This seems just like the kind of fantasy that fits my taste.

+ ...character design is not terrible, I guess?

+ apparently the animation gets better in season 2.

+ the demon-battling priest seems like a character archetype I might like.

+/- TBH this series wasn’t tragic, I may still go back to it one day, if I really feel like it. The idea has potential and the plot probably gets better later, I just wasn’t able to prevail until then.

- animation in the first season is kinda meh. Could be worse, but it still doesn’t please. Don’t let the marvelous poster above deceive you!

- the main character. He’s so whiny, I was unable to stand him. He’s the main reason I dropped this, and I honestly have no idea if he gets any better later.

Title: Quanzhi Fashi / Full-Time Magister

Throughline: Three months after a guy gets transported into a magic-filled alternative reality, he struggles to get into magic school to become the best mage and get a lot of money for his family.

My take:

+ setup/world building again hit a soft spot in my fantasy-loving heart.

+ ...I’ve seen some fragments from season 2, apparently animation is good there.

- I hated the MC of QZGS, but he at least had half a reason to be so unrealistically OP. This guy here... he’s a new low... Basically “How to Write a Gary Stu?” example. Like. C’mon. You can have an OP cool protagonist without making them a GS.

- despite the potentially interesting premise, this is as simplistic as it could be. The MC is ridiculed, but he turns out to be super powerful with talent for not just one, but two most rare elemental magics. He gets bullied - then he shows off how much better he is than the bully during magic exams, stunning everybody. One of the Big Bad Rich Guys tries to recruit him - he flat-out refuses in a infuriatingly arrogant manner. Etc. etc.

- Characters are as deep as a puddle during drought.

- Look, there’s a set of tropes that are generally laughed at in this type of premise, like the MC having an OP secret power, getting put down by everybody to an unrealistic degree etc. Here they are played painfully straight, and there’s nothing more to the story. Absolutely nothing, not a single interesting character or plot thread. I kept watching for so long hoping that something would turn up, but it didn’t.

- animation in season 1 is pretty bad.

That would be all for my donghua experience so far. I had many ups, though I guess some salt pits were unavoidable +_+

[mystictheurge]

Regarding Events

Hey everyone, I mentioned over the past few weeks that I’ve some thoughts regarding events that I wanted to put to paper so they were readily available for people to read.  I finally finished that up now that summer semester is over, it ended up being a bit long as a blog post so I will put the bulk of the text under the break.

So, I wanted to address a few things, throw some ideas around, and solicit some opinions.  To start with, I’ve had several questions about including material from the First into events, to which I’d like to give a long answer to.  You may have noticed that I follow certain ‘rules’ as far as events go, the big ones I’ll point out for the purpose of discussion:

1: There is no event on a week with a major patch, and a two-week break at expansion, so that everyone can dig into new story material.

2: Events include no relevant story information from the most recent patch, and if I am aware of someone having not finished a leg of content I do my utmost to avoid any event that hinges on information/unlocks/etc. from said content.

3: While events do not hold with airtight strictness to the game lore, I do my utmost to make sure everything is at least reasonable within the information we have about the setting, cosmology, etc.

In following with these general guidelines for events I would probably start including material about the first after the next major patch, however there comes a complication with the last guideline I presented in that what we know about the transition from the Source to the First is that it is assumedly VERY difficult if not nigh impossible, as per the rigamarole with the Scions’ abduction to the First and the sheer effort that went into getting the WoL there.  This is of course where the element of flexibility towards the game lore comes in, however it is a question of how that I wish to take very seriously, as it has distinct implications for the way that the events can logically unfold and I want to make sure it feels organic within what we have been presented about inter-shard travel by the lore masters thus far.

To that end I have some considerations with how this might be done, however since it is deviating from the beaten path I want to make sure this and other significant lore-bending things are put before the majority so that concerns can be raised and adjustments made so that it is comfortable for everyone and not disruptive to any particular character’s/player’s intended arc.  My primary idea is to involve a portal discovered by the Sons of Coinach that needs explored and, after examined, provides an intermittent pathway to the First.  While I toyed with the idea of presenting a ‘lost in space’ sort of side arc, I think that level of character disruption may be a bit much and thus a more stable portal is my leaning at the moment, with the characters hopping through when it appears to explore this strange other world before zipping back through.  I’ll be considering on this for a while longer for certain, and I’d appreciate any thoughts, opinions, concerns, etc. people may have with regard to our approach here.

On a secondary note, the guest roleplay arc we had a few months back seemed quite popular and the system for arbitrating combat seemed well received, so I have been considering how we might include that in the future.  In the past I’ve tried to include in-game combats due to how much older content there was that was new to so many of our people, but as time has gone on there’s less new to do that with and such a structure seems like something that could provide a fun alternative.  I’d also like to float the idea of setting up a second event day for a while specifically to do treasure maps, as they are quite lucrative and I know we communally have fun with maps, but I would not want to necessarily dedicate a lot of our RP time to maps after having done quite a few prior to the expansion release. Something to consider, please let me know if you are interested.

 Thank you all, and I’ll see you in game!

 TL,DR: First RP content is being workshopped, roll based event combat likely in future, setting a time for maps maybe?

[hina-akatsuki]

PINK for girls BLUE for boys

During our childhood, I am sure most of us had heard this statement," pink is for girls and blue is for boys". Obviously, it did not make sense in our young minds then, so most of us complied without giving it much thought. I was no exception. It was much later that I came to realize that this idea is one of the many stereotypes that segregates the sexes.

It is curious how something as impartial as color became a distinguishing factor between the sexes. But why only pink and blue from the vast color spectrum? Is there some biological theory behind it or is it a norm structured by culture and society?

Digging into history, this color-gender norm came into being only during the 20th century, probably becoming more prominent after World War 2. In fact, girls and boys were dressed in white and that too dresses till the previous century. With the emergence of pastels(pink and blue were widely used), children were adorned in colors other than white. The earliest reference to this color scheme appeared in a June 1918 edition of the Trade publication Earnshaw's Infant's Department:

" The generally accepted rule is pink for boys and blue for girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy while blue which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl."

The idea stuck around for a couple of years, with some contemporary publications also emphasizing that colors should not be decided based on the baby's gender, but based on eye and hair color.

Pretty smart!

However, over time the clothing manufacturers sought to reject this statement and promoted the idea "pink for girls, blue for boys". The practice escalated after World war 2, as corporate marketers promoted color-based distinction between boys' and girls' clothing. The motivation? It prevents parents from handing down clothes between siblings of different sexes, hence increasing the profits for designers and manufacturers. As an explanation of this divide, manufacturers simply stated that girls liked pink while boys liked blue.

A turning point in the history of gender-color norms came during the Women's liberation movement of the 1960s and 1970s which emphasized gender neutral clothing. In an upsurge of feminism, the fashion industry went through dramatic changes- from bloomers to bobbed hair to unisex wear to gender-neutral color.

But as we rolled into the 1980s, making money ruled over all existing perspectives at the time and marketing teams managed to flip the paradigm yet again.

Moving into the 21st Century, color preferences take an interesting turn. The youth of the present day provides us with a mixed opinion when asked about their favorite color. A recent study indicates vast majority prefer blue to pink and that pink is actually one of adult world's least favorite color.

So how did this shift in the spectrum occur? As it turns out, defining gender-specific colors has been a tug of war over the years with the end result being more or less a tie. Both colors( pink and blue) along with their hues are equally favored, regardless of gender.

However, we still tend to associate the color pink with femininity and blue with masculinity in some aspect or the other. Especially, while deciding clothing and types of toys for little ones.

The pink-blue color divide may seem like a trivial distinction between the sexes, but in reality, it paves way for other gender biases and forms the root of gender discrimination. Deciding on what a child should wear or what he or she should play with in order to conform to the so-called societal norms restricts it from exploring and having a mind of its own. Surveys show that children are not born into choosing a gender-specific color or toy, rather they are groomed into making such specific choices.

Be it wearing corsets in the Victorian era or being at home, women are groomed to look the part of what is considered as “feminine”. And it starts from a young, impressionable age when a child is getting to know its surroundings. The quote holds true," One is not born a woman. One becomes a woman".

But we shall not exclude the male party from this issue of gender discrimination for they are affected equally. The need to "be a man" as defined by our society puts pressure on the individual. Boys are told to be aggressive, that they cannot shed tears, that they need to indulge themselves into sports that involve physical strength. Basically don't do anything that is considered to be "girly"( for example- play with dolls, learn dance, etc). Any male indulging themselves in activities that are "girly" are often looked down upon or labeled as "gay".

Boys placing themselves on the pink side of the spectrum are assumed to be hinting at their homosexuality with the well-known logic of " boys who like boys are basically girls." Nazi concentration camp badges included a pink triangle for gay men, while lesbians were lumped into an ‘asocial elements’ group with a black triangle.

However, in the late 60s, with the rise of the LGBT movement, the balance shifted from the color of shame to that of pride. This brought in a new mindset-" Pink and Blue make purple". Purple covers everything between red (pink) and blue, and challenges fixed and extreme gender roles. Instead of just two labels-male and female, we have many, as portrayed by the LGBT rainbow flag.

In the end, we shouldn't associate our sexuality or behavior with the colors we choose. We are free to choose between pink and blue, unguided by society. And this openness comes from a young age, with good parenting. It is crucial for a parent to understand that a child can be whatever it chooses to be. We live in a time where traditional roles are questioned more often than before. A girl can like shades of blue and can love playing with cars and a boy can indulge in cooking and like hues of red or pink. Who knows, that girl grows up to be an F1 racer and that boy becomes a Michelin star chef in the future.

So, choose any color you like, irrespective of gender, society or culture. For, choice of color doesn’t define who we are, it’s our thoughts and actions that do.

Links for reference:

https://www.thelist.com/32342/real-reasons-behind-blue-boys-pink-girls/

https://munsell.com/color-blog/why-that-color-gender/

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2014/10/pink-used-common-color-boys-blue-girls/

NOTE- I wanted to write on this topic for a very long time and I realized that there is a lot to talk about.. so I decided to provide some links which I referred to for this piece. Opinions would be appreciated on this discussion! Thanks!

[kaleidographia]

[Analysis] The "Weird" One: Where The Last Jedi Fits

I have a confession to make.

This may be a weird way to start what is essentially the first post of a new media critique blog, but I consider it to be essential knowledge. Every reviewer and analyst brings their own unique perspective to their writing, and I am no different; sooner or later, this truth will make itself known. To know this fact about me is to gain a new understanding of what makes me tick as a consumer of art, and it is one that it best to get out of the way as soon as possible, for it is better for a reader to lose interest now than to string along until the awkwardness of hiding such a secret reveals itself.

Here it is:

I LOVE the Star Wars prequels.

Oh, not only do I love them, completely and unironically, I actually do not care much for the original trilogy. It’s all right. But it doesn’t make my heart sing.

Attack of the Clones does.

Okay, okay, I can already hear the groans of disgust and the clicks of mice leaving my blog to the wilds of the web, but I promise this is going somewhere. I am not unaware of the many flaws the Prequel trilogy has, and I can’t in good conscience call them cinematic masterpieces, but I think this opinion derives itself not from poor taste, but the relative lack of blockbuster quality movies that tap into very particular themes and structural quirks that I appreciate. I may dive into those specifics at a later time, but the reason why I am bringing this up now is because it inextricably ties into my feelings about the most recent film in the franchise’s main series, which would be impossible for me to discuss without addressing this aspect of my formative film influences.

The Last Jedi has already received tons of coverage, controversy, and counter-controversy, so if you’re interested in picking apart the finer aspects of the plot and characters, feel free to look those up — I am sure there is a brilliant video essay on Youtube tailor-made just for you. I am more interested in the meta-narrative surrounding its position in terms of fanservice to what is an enourmous empire of not only fans of the original trilogy, but fans of its many derivations, spin-offs, and cultural foundations.

Star Wars is no longer just a film about a space farmer who learns he’s a space wizard and goes on a perfect beat-by-beat hero’s journey. It encompasses more than that: two sequels, an expanded universe of books upon books, comics, videogames, pinball machines — a holiday special (and no, I have not watched it) — toys, cartoons, parodies, reiterations, iconic images, phrases, cinematic touchstones, and, of course, the Prequels.

When the new Sequel trilogy was announced, the filmmakers had a real challenge to contend with: How can one follow up on not only a legacy of films, but also a legacy of expectations of what such a sequel would be like? I am not just referring to the fact that Disney, post acquisition of Lucasfilm, decided to just toss out the previous expanded universe, label it “Legends”, and start afresh with a new canon. I am also referring to the literal millions of fans who were already thoroughly familiar with not only the films but also their cultural impact. How could one possibly please them, especially when the Prequel trilogy was so universally mocked?

It was clear that Disney needed to win the crowd over, and to do so they leaned heavily into a safe bet: the Original trilogy. The Force Awakens released with a sort of wink-and-nudge, reflected in its story beats, characterization, and practical effects, that said “hey, we hear you. We know you’re scared because you don’t trust us to do this material justice and we know you love the original films, so we’re gonna give you exactly what you’re looking for”. It’s hard not to see the fanservice and whether or not it was successful has already been discussed to death, so I won’t get into it here, but the point is — and I am sure this wasn’t really intentional — to someone like me, who actually liked the prequels and a lot of the expanded universe, this approach felt incredibly alienating. Everyone was having fun with the new film, but to me it felt like it was saying, “all those things you love about Star Wars are not the reasons why anyone else loves Star Wars,” and I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty hurt, but at the very least The Force Awakens gave me a cast to fall in love with.

This is why when The Last Jedi was in production, I was intrigued to hear that this film was going to be “weird” and “unlike any other Star Wars film”. My expectations were tempered by the fact that ultimately this was going to be a Disney movie anyway, so it was probably not going to reach my standard of Weird (my dad showed me Koyaanisqatsi when I was 7, to give you an idea). Nevertheless, after the very safe rehash of Episode 4 that was The Force Awakens, I was just hoping for anything that might show me the franchise still had room for creativity.

I was in fact happy with the result, although it doesn’t surprise me at all that it attracted controversy. Some of my close friends, whose opinions I highly respect, hated the film for various reasons and I can even agree with them on some points. Others, like me, loved it. Overall, however, what I like most isn’t necessarily anything about the film itself, but its position as a nod to fans who wanted their corners of the Star Wars universe acknowledged. To put it bluntly, as a Prequels fan, I felt represented.

Going even beyond the Prequels, The Last Jedi contains themes from my favourite piece of Star Wars media, the Bioware-produced videogame Knights of the Old Republic and its Obsidian-produced sequel, which layer critique of what it means to be a Force user and what the role of Jedi and Sith are in the grand scheme of things. “Jedi” does not necessarily mean “good”, a fact Luke highlights in his role as reluctant mentor to Rey, and while there are some things I would change about his portrayal here, this perspective is absolutely one I wanted to see more of in the main series. Even as a kid, good-vs-evil stories bored me; it’s one reason why the Original trilogy failed to speak to me, because even though I wouldn’t have been able to articulate why at the time, the setup was just too easy. It didn’t challenge me to think that there’s a side that’s inherently good and a side that’s inherently evil, but when Knights of the Old Republic put decisions about when and how to use the Force in front of me, that was a much more interesting proposition, and the idea that doctrine about the nature of the Force could be wrong or even damaging was outright enticing. I honestly can’t remember whether playing the games or watching the Prequels came first, but I get the feeling it was the games, because that malleable view of what the Force means and who the Jedi and Sith are has carried through for me ever since.

The Last Jedi does kind of play it safe in some ways, ultimately being a Disney property that has to sell lots of merchandise and bring people to theme parks, but it also boldly rejects just about every expectation one might have of a “Star Wars Film”, characters make mistakes, they fail, things go wrong at the worst possible times, some act selfishly or foolishly, and by the time the credits roll there’s actually very little to be excited about, as the heroes are in a much worse position than they were when the film started, which was already very bleak. But in a way, that was the most exciting part to me, as someone who grew tired of the popular culture perception of Star Wars and who felt shut out of the Sequel trilogy by its first film; The Last Jedi may have been agonizing, but it was agonizing in a way that promised more, giving hope to those of us who were looking for a less straightforward narrative at a time when powerful politicians can be comically villainous in public and yet people would bend over backwards to excuse their actions as if an “evil empire” didn’t already exist. Over the last couple of years I have seen people post a gif of Padmé Amidala’s iconic line, “So this is how liberty dies… with thunderous applause”, saying this was the only part of the Prequel trilogy that aged well, and yet to me the truth was already glaringly obvious back when the film was released, contributing strongly to my own critical interpretation of it. The Last Jedi is a film that picks up on the thought that people can make foolish and terrible decisions and runs with it, but it is by no means the first in the series to approach this theme.

(I should note that as a Brazilian, whose country was freshly out of a dictatorship when I was born and which is now hurtling towards another at full speed, my views on what counts as an Evil Empire and how and why a democracy dies may be somewhat sharper than the average American’s. This is by no means the only reason why I’m into this kind of storytelling, nor is it exclusive to me, but it is a big one, and it would be short-sighted to ignore it.)

Ultimately I understand why The Last Jedi is so polarizing; it doesn’t pull punches and some of the punches it throws are even a bit misaimed, thus the description of it as “weird” and “unprecedented” makes sense. It just isn’t quite as weird or unprecedented when compared to previous attempts at broadening the scope of the Star Wars narrative both within the main film series and the expanded universe (at least pre-Disney; I haven’t engaged with any post-Legends canon aside from the Rebels cartoon, so I can’t say for sure). It also serves as a complete 180° turn from the Sequel trilogy establishing itself as a safe haven for Original trilogy fans and a middle chapter leading into a final film we still know nothing about, so whether its narrative leaps will pay off are still a mystery. In any case, The Last Jedi rejects superficial concerns in favour of theme, leading to a certain degree of dissatisfaction from fans who really wanted to know Rey’s parentage and what exactly was up with Snoke, but I think this is a good thing, because they gave new meanings to previously established Star Wars tropes and drove the whole thing into uncharted territory. I for one am glad the franchise has freed itself of these particular burdens; it simply remains to be seen whether the conclusion will maintain this momentum.

All this to say, I like the Last Jedi because it likes the things I like about Star Wars, and now I know I’m not the only one.

[dcarevu]

Christmas With The Joker

“It’s not relentlessly cheerful, is it?”

So, only one episode in, and they do a Christmas special. One episode into this series that they wanted to be dark, serious, and adult…and they do a Christmas special. A Batman. Christmas. Special. Huh. Well, it is becoming that time of year. So let’s sleigh right into: Christmas With The Joker

SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

Villain: The Joker Robin: Yes Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky Director: Kent Butterworth Animator: Akom Airdate: November 13, 1992 Episode Grade: B  This episode holds the distinction of being the very first episode of Batman The Animated Series I ever saw. I had seen Mask Of The Phantasm prior (which was a glorious place to start), and eventually Warner Brothers started releasing these Batman TAS VHS tapes each featuring a particular villain. My mom bought me one featuring the Joker, which included this episode, along with The Laughing Fish. I picked it out specifically because of the screenshot of the Joker wrapped up in his straightjacket shown on the back, and I assumed this was from his origin episode. I didn’t get an origin episode, but I did get a Christmas special that I now watch every single year. I absolutely love it. 

 I’ve always been someone that enjoys the darker side of Christmas. Carol Of the Bells. A Christmas Carol. That one Twilight Zone episode featuring a drunk Santa Claus that ends up making Christmas magical for everyone. It’s funny, because despite this, I very much enjoy the more innocent side of Halloween (think of cute Beistle die cuts or Scooby Doo). This episode fits right into this archetype, and maybe that is why I love it so much. Of course, this isn’t the only reason. We also get the first appearance of the Joker, voiced by Mark Hamill (yes, that Mark Hamill), and overall a very entertaining episode, Christmas concept aside.

So it’s Christmas Eve, and Dick Grayson (Robin) is home for the holidays. All he wants to do is spend the night relaxing to Christmas dinner and It’s a Wonderful Life, but Bruce isn’t about to let up his night watch just because of the following day. He just knows that something will happen, and right as he finally gives in to Robin’s movie request, we see that the Joker has somehow interrupted pretty much every channel broadcast, and is airing a Christmas special all his own. Featuring a kidnapped Commissioner Gordon, Detective Bullock, and Summer Gleeson, a news reporter (I had no idea it was her before reading it on the DCAU wiki. Kinda cool that it’s not simply some unnamed character!). Batman, aware of the Joker’s love of destructive games sets out with Robin to find his broadcast, and put an end to the Christmas Eve havoc. Throughout the episode he gets sidetracked by an exploding train track (done by the Joker of course), a barrage of cannonballs being fired straight into the city (done by, again, the Joker), and a barrage of Christmas-themed dangers at an abandoned toy factory. At the end of the episode, with the Joker found, and the kidnapped three dangling above a vat of acid, the Joker has Batman open up a special present addressed specifically for him (complete with bat wrapping paper). “Don’t do it, Batman!” shouts Robin, but Batman knows that it’s the only way to save the three and Gotham City as a whole. What’s inside? A pie in the face, what else? Immediately afterward, although Joker tries to run, he slips on a roller skate and nearly falls into the acid himself…but is caught by Batman on the way down. Everyone is saved, and the two heroes even get to finally watch their Christmas special in peace.

Let’s talk about the two big things with this episode: Robin and the Joker. The idea of using an older Robin was obviously a way to bring some realism to the character, and to not ruin the tone that they were going for. Robin is historically kind of a goofy character, and was meant to be a role model for the kiddies. Wanting to avoid specifically kid elements in their show, they used a college-aged Robin. I think it works sometimes, and not so much at other times. It is a little weird seeing such an old character wearing the Robin outfit, but they also made an effort to tone down the silliness of it a little bit. Thank god we didn’t get those little elf shoes and those freshly-waxed legs. While Robin’s usefulness varies throughout the show, I think in this episode they work pretty well together, and for an episode like this, it gives Batman someone to talk to, and introduces some comic relief. Hearing Batman referred to as a Scrooge and seeing him bag on Robin’s choice of movies is pretty funny, and I feel like these two have similar exchanges about Christmas as a lot of us do in real life. The action scenes with Robin were also pretty good, and I never really felt like either of them had nothing to do/were a damsel in distress. That’s the one thing about Robin that bugs me sometimes, and it wasn’t until much later when they got consistently good at having more than one superhero on screen at once, balancing everything out. I will admit, some of it did get a little too corny for my liking…particularly the way Batman would bark things like, “Easy, Robin!” But it also reminded me a little bit of the Adam West show in a charming way that I accept much more with a Christmas episode. So take these comments how you take them. 

 And the Joker? Fantastic debut. He’s funny. He’s menacing. He’s batshit insane. He’s charismatic. He’s everything a classic, definitive Joker should be. I love Heath as much as anyone else, but being a great Joker vs being a definitive Joker are two different things. I wouldn’t get rid of either of them, and I think they both perfectly represent the type of character they are meant to be. I think the Joker changed a lot throughout this show. He giggles unlike later in the series here, and he’s clearly mentally unstable in a different, albeit very fun way. But then there are moments like where he laughs in someone’s face because he knows that her mother is on a train that is headed straight for a blown up bridge. He’s that character that you love to hate, and as much as you want Batman to sock each and every one of those yellow teeth out of his mouth, you also can’t help but root for him to keep getting away just so that you get more of him. It is kinda weird for me picturing this episode’s version of the Joker with Harley, and Harley Quinn may be the main reason why the Joker’s personality changed a little bit and got a hair more serious. In this episode he’s like, well, a cartoon character. More than usual. He has a stylized personality as much as he has a stylized look.

When I mentioned earlier that this episode fits alongside a lot of the darker aspects of Christmas, to clarify a little bit more, it’s not just because you have a psychotic killing clown and a scary guy dressed as a bat. It also has the vintage aspect to it. You have the “dark deco” 30′s aesthetic already in place. Then you add the vintage-looking wintery landscape...the Nutcracker music...and even the dark, snowy city that almost makes me think of Victorian England. I think all of this creates the old-timey Christmas feel without shoving religious morals, or Santa Claus, or greedy marketing down our throats. It succeeds in being a Christmas special almost exclusively through vibes, and mention of it being the holiday. Okay, and Robin’s green and red pajamas are pretty festive as well. The DCAU would do a couple more Christmas episodes later, another one of them being Batman, and while this one is also great, it communicates Christmas in a vastly different way than this one, a way which is much more modern. Both can be great, but this is the Batman Christmas special I will come back to year after year.

 As far as my girlfriend Char’s impressions, she really liked this episode too. As someone who has never seen a single episode of the DCAU before this blog, she said that she expected and was hoping for Harley Quinn, but wasn’t necessarily disappointed that she didn’t show up. Picturing a world of Batman TAS before Harley’s existence is something that I feel like we all sorta gloss over since it’s almost like she’s always existed. And while the show got better with her first appearance, I’m glad that they could do a solid Joker beforehand. Char loved the Joker’s representation, and was surprisingly very much in line with what she expected from the character. She said that he was very creepy, but in a very entertaining way. She also noted his design, particularly his color pallet (wait till she sees TNBA). Some more comments about Harley Quinn were made, and she’s scared for Harley after seeing what a maniac the Joker is. She ships Harley and Poison Ivy, something that I see a lot. I don’t necessarily disagree 100%, but, well, we’ll save a lot of that conversation for later. 

 An older Robin was something that Char was really into, and I got the impression that she never really cared for the super young Robin, as, well, yeah, it is kinda strange. Back when the character was introduced, maybe not so much, nut nowadays? Yeah. What the hell, Batman. Also, Loren Lester provides a voice that she always sorta pictures with the character, and again, she noted how definitive everything seemed. 

 Some other stray observations she made: She agreed with me on some of Batman’s lines being corny, but she also found them a little bit creepy.It was a unique Christmas special. Batman and Robin sorta feel like father and son, but only sorta. This is something the show will get into much more as we go on. She thought the Joker would make a hilarious game show host if he weren’t, well, evil. She noted how shitty the star on the tree at the very beginning was. Apparently Arkham Asylum needs a better interior decorator. And lastly, she loved the ending. As do I. It’s so unsettling, yet so perfect. Better than what I expected when I saw the screenshot on the back of the VHS as a kid. Char’s grade: B

Major Firsts: The Joker, Robin, Summer Gleeson, Arkham Asylum, Xmas episode, we see the Batmobile has a TV, a musical number (The Joker sings) Next time: Nothing To Fear

[permian-tropos]

The Case for Redeemable Rax, a Three Part Saga

@absolxguardian​ this massive rambly essay started with our discussion of Galli vs. Tom Riddle as you will see 

it’s extremely long though and I’m publishing it mostly for personal reference, just to have it archived on my blog

also it might end up being character notes for fanfic so if it just gets repeated in narrative form somewhere else that’s why

Episode I: The Phantom Personality Disorder 

the warning signs Dumbledore missed with Tom Riddle were definitely meant to be of a personality disorder, most likely psychopathy. there are a ton of similarities between Galli & Palpatine’s first meeting and Tom’s first conversation with Dumbledore, but contextually it’s different since Palpatine is mega evil and Dumbledore (while flawed) is not. Dumbledore doesn’t threaten to kill Tom, and he certainly doesn’t start feeding him overt fascist ideology. but Tom is also unlike Galli because he’s in control of the conversation. he’s just a kid, but he’s charismatic and calculated and even when Dumbledore intimidates him into giving back the toys he stole, it’s suggested (or is it directly stated? I don’t quite remember) that Tom won that round — he got a demonstration of a wizard’s power to intimidate and control people, even if the person being controlled is himself. it’s not deterrence because he was just told he could one day have this power for himself.

so these are particular psychopath warning signs that we don’t get from Galli — or even adult Rax! we see him interact with Palpatine three times and we hear about his relationship to Kolob, and something that doesn’t happen (even though neurotypical people can learn to do this, even neurotypical kids) is Galli trying to leverage their power to his advantage

when he’s faced with someone who has power over him, Rax doesn’t know how to turn the tables or even stay afloat. with Palpatine, he never says or does anything outside of “yes, sir” and assorted synonyms. he wasn’t charismatic enough to charm Kolob or the other anchorites so he could get away with bullying other kids. 

those same other kids followed his lead when he left the orphanage, but it’s not because they let him have power over the others. he didn’t need to be that cunning to get them to leave -- he could have told them in good faith that they’d be taken to a better life off Jakku with him. when he’s waiting for Palpatine in a state of terror and false bravado, thinking, “he won’t kill me, I killed for him” -- this is almost certainly right after he killed the other children and it makes fear and desperation the primary motives. 

we learn that he burned down the orphanage before he left, and that Kolob didn’t know what happened to the other kids, so Galli must have done this on his own. it wasn’t something Palpatine would have needed him to do, and he never attacked the anchorites before then. it could have been a final act of spite, but he’s not smug or satisfied afterwards, he’s thinking about how he might be okay dying in this chair because it’s so comfortable, ha ha, it was all worth it for this, ha ha Ha. what I can imagine happening is that, after years of clinging to the hope of a better life, he was abruptly told he wouldn’t get it or would even be killed if he didn’t kill the rest of the children. he did the deed impulsively, in a panic, and then Palpatine left him alone on Jakku just long enough for him to wonder if he’d be played, if he killed his friends for nothing and that he was going to be next. he would've only had the anchorites to take out his rage and anguish on (he could easily blame them for everything), and Palpatine took him offworld after his rampage was over.

and you’d think maybe he’s just young and learned manipulative skills later, but when Sloane is about to kill him he actually has something he could use as leverage — the information about the Eclipse and the other ships sent to the Unknown Regions — but instead he weeps and begs for mercy. Sloane isn’t soft-hearted or empathetic and Rax would know this. seeing him suffer makes her revenge that much sweeter. so he’s not very cunning on instinct, when his life depends on it.

compare this to Palpatine leveraging his own vulnerability in the fight against Mace Windu to turn Anakin to the Dark Side. and I do think he was genuinely vulnerable and not entirely faking because Palpatine gambles with his life again with Luke and Vader, only he loses. his prologue scene with Rax in Book 3 reveals he’s perfectly aware of the risk he’s taking, because he hopes for high rewards.

Rax is just not very good at being an Evil Slimy Advisor. unlike a Wormtongue or a Jafar or a Lady Macbeth, he doesn’t even try to convince Sloane that she’s the one in control. he takes nominal steps towards this — making her Grand Admiral, promising her the throne — but they openly discuss the fact that she’s a puppet ruler, and when Sloane is like “so uh when are you going to drop this act and just be the Emperor or something” he’s like “no, no, I’ll keep telling everyone I support you, you’ll still be respected”. Sloane’s not pleased by the paltry offer, obviously she wants to rule for real and it feels like he’s not even trying to seduce her with power yes I think she genuinely gets pissed that he’s not being seductive enough; the culmination of all her hatred comes out as “did you really think I would join you after everything? you think I’m that cheap??? the fuck??”

conclusion for part one: Galli specifically averts the (pop science 101) psychopath trait of leveraging power from a position of weakness.

if he’s mentally disordered (and I think he is) the most believable diagnosis is actually ADHD. lmao yes I’m being serious here even though I’m biased since I’m projecting onto him: he’s disobedient and difficult to contain as a kid, kind of flaky and dreamy as well if he’s distracted by “stories”, he’s intense and comes off as wound-up or unstable, he’s impulsive, easily overstimulated by emotion or sensation, has hyperfixations that he turns to for stress relief, is rejection-sensitive (Sloane calling him “precious orphan” is enough to ruin his moment of triumph), and he can’t even keep his hands to himself when he talks to people

otherwise he acts like (and is) someone trained to have complete deference and submission to authority. he can’t manipulate, because authority is absolute and you either accept it to be good, or lash out at it to be, as Palpatine puts it, nasty and naughty. 

[Intermission] because this essay is fucking long get up, stretch, refill popcorn, use the bathroom

Episode II: Attack of the Societal Factors

Rax’s fall to the Dark Side and subsequent abuses of power seem like a product of patriarchy. I don’t actually mean that he has an internal gender bias — he behaves in patriarchal ways (being a sugar daddy, condescending to people, refusing to yield status and control) but towards men and women, except in his apparent heterosexuality. Chuck Wendig generously makes Sloane a bit of an escapist fantasy for the gals, where people pretend not to respect her but deep down they all do. but he’s also continuing the long Star Wars tradition of being visibly patriarchal but not overtly sexist.

patriarchy isn’t exactly the same thing as male supremacy. male chauvinism is built into it, but the word itself means “rule of the father” and that describes the intersection of a hierarchical structure and a gendered chauvinism. not all men are fathers, not every patriarch is ruling a household or family (they can be a monarch, a CEO, a schoolteacher, a military commander), not all rulers in the role of “patriarch” are male. Rae Sloane behaves EXACTLY like a patriarch in a lot of ways, and even exercises what the Romans called “patria potestas”, the power a patriarch has over the lives of their family members. Sloane kills her subordinates, she kills her “daughter”, she kills loyal allies who she decides have outlived their use — because she acts as if it is her right to do so.

the way that Rax abuses his power is the way a lot of people do in our own patriarchal society — pushing boundaries to see what you can get away with. literally, he “tests” and goads Sloane as if he’s waiting for her to snap, he pushes the Empire into further chaos by “testing” them all, he terrorizes Armitage by telling him graphically what the Jakku orphans would do to him, even as he’s being sympathetic and trying to relate to the poor kid, and with Adea he acts in that dubious-consent area of not actively taking a “no” as a “yes” but not taking a lack of a “yes” to be a “no”. later we find out that she’s thoroughly enamored with him and eager for power, which sort of shows why Rax can be the way he is without being inherently evil: pushing boundaries doesn’t always backfire. if you’re being rewarded for it, just like Galli was rewarded for betraying and killing people under Palpatine, it can become a fixed pattern of behavior.

and that comes back to the anchorites cause this is the idea I had that turned into this essay — testing people’s boundaries is a very immature thing to do, but it’s not because kids are worse at being good people than adults. the average kid is good at doing things that are emotionally healthy for a kid. testing boundaries is something kids need to be willing to do. it’s not healthy for them to be overly deferential and unwilling to upset anyone. they have to learn a variety of social skills through trial and error. that’s why it’s okay that kids are kind of assholes — as long as they’re in the right environment where they can’t permanently traumatize each other or become locked into abusive patterns.

an environment where kids can’t test their boundaries against authority, by rebelling or being stubborn or throwing tantrums or anything like that, is a deeply unhealthy environment, and foundational to patriarchy. the younger you are, the more you’re at the mercy of adults, and kids need to accept some adult authority to stay safe, but it’s also really dangerous if a kid will do anything an adult tells them to, so they need to have an instinct to push back. and kids also need this to become healthy adults with agency and self-respect. adults aren’t healthy if they're “skilled” at deferring to “because I told you so” or “those are just the rules” or “don’t talk back to me” or “you’re not showing enough respect” from other adults. they’re especially not healthy if this is wielded through religious abuse, where they are forced to accept a divine patriarch whose will goes unquestioned. 

if you demand absolute obedience, if people can’t push against authority (a correct and healthy outlet for fear or anxiety or frustration), they end up with this grab bag of options: be a doormat (and likely be self-destructive or self-loathing), take it out on their peers, or take it out on people they have power over. these are adaptive strategies that a majority of people living in a patriarchy have to some extent.

Galli stood out from the other kids, in ways anchorites clearly believed were bad and going to lead him to the Dark Side, but unlike Tom Riddle, they weren’t real warning signs, and unlike Anakin and Ben Solo, it seems like he didn’t have any positive support systems that he had to reject in order to fall to the Dark Side

so he comes across as, not a troubled child, but an unfortunately gifted one. he has exceptionally high cultural intelligence. he’s brilliant at honing in on the core beliefs of an ideology — but patriarchy and fascism have core beliefs that look appalling when brought to the light. he captures the essence of the Empire, the thing Rae Sloane is supposedly so passionate about, and it absolutely disgusts her. and Rax can’t understand what he’s doing wrong. he's figured out exactly what the Empire is all about, why should he keep it to himself? isn’t Sloane an elevated mind? well, it’s all true, but he shouldn’t say it. 

Rax isn’t manipulating Sloane to get what he wants -- when it’s not working out he specifically refuses to interfere. he’s manipulating Sloane because it’s an act of self-expression, of artistic creation; he thinks of it as composing an opera. his creativity lies in faithfully recreating and perfecting the ideology and culture he was victimized with. Palpatine made him believe the abuse was good for him. and for Rax to be cunning, for him to hide his true intentions, he’d have to understand that nobody wants to be abused and manipulated. and apparently, understanding that would be enough for him to realize it’s just unconditionally bad for people (instead of “sharpening some blades, and ruining others”), therefore it was bad for him, and therefore he’s a horrifyingly broken unloved wretch

Episode III: Revenge of the Horrifyingly Broken Unloved Wretch

because he does start to realize this on Jakku, as he’s insisting to himself that Sloane’s rejection was just a fluke and a disappointment, then moments later he’s facing down Kolob and laying into him with righteous indignation. he starts wanting to get rid of Brendol Hux, while feeling protective of Armitage. he stops admiring Palpatine through his hate — he starts to embrace disdain and disgust for the man. and he clearly starts to more actively hate himself because it all comes spilling out as he’s dying. 

just a few months after one (1) woman rejects him because he’s simply being too much of an asshole, he starts to realize that he’s been crapped on and strung along for his whole life. it’s still hard to say if he could have really recovered. plenty of his actions were already unforgivable. but Darth Vader took years to process the fact that his son was alive. and in those years, Vader continued to do evil things, and if he’d been killed before RotJ, it would have been perfectly justified. so Rax deserved what he got, and his evil plans needed to be foiled, and I would have thrown in a kick in the nuts if it were up to me.

but suppose we redefine redeemability not as a true/false binary, but instead a variable measure of how quickly someone can convert good influences into good attitudes, after bad influences gave them bad attitudes. we’ll call it their Redemption Quotient. their RQ, so to speak. just for fun. 

heroes (in the moral alignment sense) by nature have a higher than average RQ. they’re not heroic because they’re flawless or infallible, but because they absorb good influences faster than most -- Finn gets over being a stormtrooper as soon as something in his heart tells him it’s wrong. Han overcomes his defensive selfishness as soon as he meets some pure good cinnamon rolls to protect. Luke gets over his nihilism as soon as he meets a pure good cinnamon roll to protect. anti-heroes and anti-villains fall in the middle of the spectrum, and true villains by nature fall below that.

all things considered, Rax might have a high RQ for a villain.

[bedlamgames]

Q&A #85

Got a truly large embarrassment of riches in terms of number of reports. Thanks for all of them and I’m working on a hotfix now which is also going to including enough extra content that it probably counts as a mini-update in its own right. 

Now for the questions that need a more specific answer than ‘thanks for letting me know, and I’ll get right on that’. 

ultrastrangefoxcollection: Many moons ago, I was the guy who reported that slavers being brought up from slaver training weren't being counted properly, and the game was telling me that I have to keep a whole bunch of slavers in camp. That seems to be happening again, although the count on the toolbar for slaves/slavers is correct. At the moment, I've got 14 slavers (10 former slaves, 4 never trained) and 8 slaves, and it's making me keep 5 slavers at home.

Will take another look at this. If anyone ever sees the bottom status bar reflecting the incorrect numbers and you can see what caused it specifically then I’d definitely appreciate reports on that. 

Anonymous: Has Biomancy been reworked recently? I distinctly recall being able to muck about with PC proportions from the get-go (provided you took the ability ofc). In the present version (v803) self-biomancy attempts return an invalid selection error - something about "you should be more intelligent and not do highly dangerous things in the wilderness." Not certain if this is intended. Perhaps I'm just blind and didn't read the more recent changelogs.

That’s never been a thing to my knowledge or at least it wasn’t intentionally. Don’t remember anyone mentioning being able to do that before so no idea how you were able to do that. 

You can however get a slaver with biomancy to use it on you now as of the last couple of version, though if they don’t really respect you they might not have your best interests in mind.

To also answer a related question while I’m on the topic: 

itsbbbooobbb-blog: is it actually impossible to do the hardest biomancies right now?

Self-biomancy has always been planned to be held back for a specific assignment chain that would also unlock the nearly impossible options.

Anonymous: Just wanted to say that the new submissive flavor text is faaantastic. Unrelated question: I've been allowing my slaves to escape on purpose so that I can send my slavers out to recapture them and break their will. Do slaves stop trying to escape once they get recaptured, or does submissiveness just make it less likely for them to try?

That’s awesome. If you’ve got any particularly favourite bits then I’d love to hear about them. 

Ahah a catch and release programme. There’s a bunch of factors including other traits and level of bondage, but submissive does make them less likely to run, and obedient ones won’t ever try to leave. 

Anonymous: Found a bug - crit successes on "Whores for the Whore Makers" will not sell the slave. You get the payout, xp, rep gain, etc, but the slave is not removed. Instead, RAGS prints "Slave" and a number - which I assume is the object's position in its storage array - on a new line. Also, as an aside, is there a maximum number of aspects a PC or NPC can have? Wondering if I made a bad call picking up a random aspect on levelup for a caster. Or if my PC can get aspects at all.

The max number for the PC and NPC was changed from 3 to 5 aspects in the last update. 

itsbbbooobbb-blog: the quick as you like solo quest seems to ignore leaving plans for your slavers

as a side note, I remember a long time ago you mentioned the idea of making clumsy affect biomancy/corruption...did that get added?

That one is intentional. It’s mainly for reasons of gameplay flow and immersion, but I guess you can look at it as your slavers deciding that if you go on that race then all previous plans can be ignored as you’re hardly going to be able to complain when you get back. 

On checking I did do that for corruption... and completely forgot about biomancy. Added that now for the hotfix and thanks for the reminder. 

Anonymous: I'm sure you get lots of questions about races, but I've been wondering why we can't play as a lizardman yet? Particularly since we can already have one as a unique second-in-command. Is it just a lot easier to make them an npc instead of a playable character? Or do you have plans to make them playable at some point? Thanks for all your work by the way, I've played this game way more then I expected to.

Just haven't got round to it yet really. I think one time with the commission polls I had the choice for a Lizardman piece that would have also been used as a playable start though I’ve not including that choice recently. Saying that soon I want to have every race* to have a playable start to account for losing your encampment to your second-in-command. 

Glad you’re digging it!

(*Not including races with an alien mindset in Wisps and Legion, and races not predisposed to taking command like Driders and Zharr Dwarves.)

Anonymous: [0.803] imgur /a/ychgRVJ but he has neither cor nor fel, he came from the corruption level up is that the reason?

Seamstress and Smiths without a faith can make profane gear without needing to be depraved themselves. 

Anonymous: [0.803] imgur /a/1MDsT4r assignment just lengthened itself for no reason.

Grove Creepers can do that intentionally on certain results.

Anonymous:  [0.803] I feel like grove creepers crit should give a goblin slave. since you get to fuck the "princess" you might as well get her handed to you as a personal toy for eternity, maybe with exc and wea+ or some traits like that

It’s only a common relatively straightforward assignment. For (Exc) especially you’re looking at a rare one’s reward level and a much higher risk.  

Anonymous: What exactly are the triggers for losing the Innocent trait?

Penetrative sex and any training above basic obedience if I remember right. 

joyfullyunadulteratedruins:  Did something change with the end of the day drinking check? I've gotten so many hungover slavers there's got to be something going on. And this is without Bond With Your Slavers enabled. I suppose I may just have so many supplies and they're so happy they can't help themselves, but it's pretty annoying.

Are you playing on Hardcore? I did make those end of day activities to counteract morale loss more intense on that difficulty awhile back. 

Anonymous: Whoa, super cool to see new content out for NH! Thanks for all your hard work, it's a really fun and intricate game :)

And finally what’s not exactly a question persay. Still, lovely to hear it and thank you so much for your nice comment!

[sntgoodposts]

Boogie and Women

Boogie has a very dim attitude towards women, treating them as either therapists or prostitutes, or both. Boogie has said that he has no moral issue with dating people as young as the ‘age of consent’. This implies a lack of moral judgement on dating younger people. When pursuing women, Boogie has often tried to date people in their 20s, despite being near 50 himself.

Boogie has claimed to be a first-wave ‘femenist’. What he means by identifying by a ‘wave’ of feminism that occurred in the late 19th and early 20th century, as opposed to contemporary feminism, is unclear. Boogie has said that the opinions of women matter more to him, and it’s been demonstrated that he seems to get angrier at the opinions of women who disagree with him moreso than that of men. This is demonstrated by the anger he showed to Kat Blaque, Lucy Foxx, or Allison Steele.

Porn Blog: Although Boogie has changed his personality a lot, his attitude towards women was at it’s worst during the time in which he ran multiple porn blogs. Here you can see the worst of his comments about women.

Dani: Boogie claimed that in high school, he dated a black girl. In 2017, Boogie has claimed that he got into fistfights to defend her, however on the Killstream he went back on this, saying that he only got into one fistfight when he was 12.

He spoke about her in an incredibly caustic way in a group chat, saying “So fuck her. And now she’s dead [...] She died at 39 of fuckin’ lung cancer. She had breast cancer and the beat the breast cancer, but the treatment for the breast cancer gave her lung cancer (laughs)”. He would later defend these comments by claiming ‘double cancer’ was coined by Dani, though has never addressed the ‘fuck her’ comment.

Dez Williams: Boogie’s ex-wife has long been suspected of being a victim to his emotional abuse. He has mentioned that he screamed at her, and has acted highly possessive to her. More about this can be found in the emotional abuse article.

Boogie showed intense cruelty during the divorce proceedings, forcing her to sign a Non-Disparage Clause. Getting a dog was Dez’s idea, and Boogie was against it from the beginning. So naturally, during the divorce, she requested custody of their dog Sammy. However, Boogie did not allow for this, and instead alleged that his therapist told him that ‘a man is supposed to [...] let a her have everything have what she needed but not what she wanted’. Boogie’s will specifically dictates that Dez is not to get Sammy even if he dies.

After leaving her, Boogie’s fans have continued to harass her, telling her to remarry him. Boogie has done little to stop this, and continues to call her very often. He has made a video where he angrily destroyed an effigy of her after the divorce (it should be noted that he did this ‘as Francis’, but Boogie has said Francis is how he launders his opinions and deals with anger). Dez has endured much, but is genuinely happy now. However, when she posted this, Boogie immediately responded with an image of himself with one of his sugar babies.

Sugar Babies: Since his divorce, Boogie has often Paid women to date him, often in a sugar daddy style relationship where they are paid to be around him. Although he often claims to attract women by being nice, he has admitted to using paid dating websites.

Lucy Foxx: Boogie met Lucy Foxx on Seeking, a sugar daddy/baby relationship website. He claimed he wanted to help her build her career. These kinds of relationships typically involve trading money and gifts for a pseudo-dating type of relationship.

Lucy Foxx was a woman who dated Boogie briefly in a sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship after his divorce. Boogie often gave her lootcrate toys and other hand-me-downs as gifts. In a tearful video, she described the emotional abuse he would put her through. This included keeping her trapped inside the house, stopping her from earning income, and then refusing to give her money. In one instance, she mentioned him stopping her from leaving by shouting “You know I need somebody right now”.

Furthermore, he would frequently demean her, saying “you don’t mean shit to me”, and “you’re just a piece of shit”, and refer to her as a “hooker”. He would also scream at her daily. Despite meeting on a sugar daddy website, Boogie would later criticize her for asking for money from him. Lucy, like any person, had her own emotional issues, but Boogie would not listen to her and made her feel unimportant.

It should be noted that Lucy was 20 when she met Boogie, and claimed that he had engaged in similar abuse with girls ‘younger than’ her.

At the end of the relationship, he told her to “keep my fucking name out of your mouth”. Boogie would later confirm this specific comment, though saying “she swore she would never tell lies about me in public”. Boogie has maintained that Lucy Foxx has falsely accused him of abuse. As a side note, Boogie has said that ‘false accusers of rape’ can never be forgiven for their crime, as opposed to rapists. Boogie would claim to have ‘nothing but love for her’, but also like tweets calling her horrible and sociopathic, a sentiment his fans continue to express.

Boogie has NEVER addressed the claims of Lucy Foxx, other than to say that she is lying. He has repeatedly said that it is self-evident that he did not abuse her. Beyond this, he has never addressed any of the claims she made.

Grave Ghoul: After dating Lucy Foxx, Boogie began to associate with Grave Ghoul, another girl who offered paid escort services. Similarly to Lucy Foxx, Boogie would say that he was trying to help her build her career. She would often appear in his videos and other content, sitting in the back silently.

Boogie would often time posts with Grave Ghoul to appear after his Ex-Wife’s pictures on instagram. Otherwise, she would not be seen close to him often, and would often keep her distance from him where possible.

Boogie stressed her ‘marketability’, referring to her erotic content, and claimed she had become very successful due to him. He would also say that he wanted her in his videos solely to ‘stir up drama’, and piss off his critics at SamandTolki and Kiwi Farms. Despite this, Grave Ghoul would remove all mentions of Boogie from her social media. Boogie would claim that she had been bullied off the internet by his critics, but this seems to be referring more to how his own references being scrubbed. Boogie would also later claim that he had been accused of abuse of Grave Ghoul, but what he meant by this is unclear. He would complain about her later, and reveal her real name.

New Girl:

Boogie started a new account on Seeking shortly after Grave Ghoul removed him from her life called ‘Southern King’, despite saying he would never use the site again.

Boogie began tweeting about a new girlfriend, who he claimed he met through a mutual friend, and that she was over 28. He would also repeatedly claim they were ‘only friends’, something he has done in the past to escorts.

It would later be found out that she also was a 26 year old escort from Seeking.

Other Women:

Other women have entered Boogie’s life in a non-romantic context and found themselves being reacted to poorly.

Kat Blaque

Kat Blaque is a trans woman vlogger who had briefly engaged with Boogie, gently critiquing a take of his. 8 months later, Boogie approached her at VidCon, threatening to kill himself because of her tweet. Boogie would corner her in a crowded space, and threaten to kill himself. This was witnessed by Lindsey Ellis, who documented the experience, noting that he screamed and was incredibly angry. As noted in the documentation, Boogie would cite her tweet as the reason he would kill himself. Later in an extended monologue, he would reinterpret this as threatening to kill himself to change YouTube culture.

It should be noted that Boogie threatened suicide to several people at VidCon, but only Kat Blaque endured this treatment. Boogie often discusses varying topics with people he meets, but rarely raises his voice in anger to anyone but women.

In a stream discussing his father: Boogie has described his father as a child molester, one of the groups that he said can never be forgiven. However, when a female fan criticized his father, he threatened to “knock her the fuck out”.

Anita Sarkeesian: Boogie has engaged with Anita Sarkeesian a lot, and said that he would never insult her as she was a woman. However, 15 days earlier, he said that he should never be ‘humane’ to Anita Sarkeesian. He acknowledged that he had been responsible for harassing her by proxy. He would also blame her for the death of an activist.

E-Girl: After being told that the term “E-Girl” was offensive, Boogie promised to remove it from his vocabulary. However, he continued to use the term, blocking people who mentioned the contradiction.

Who’s Boogie?: When Boogie joined a woman’s stream, he got very angry when she didn’t recognize him. He repeated ‘Who’s Boogie!’ mockingly many times, before sexualizing the young woman.

Sex Workers: Boogie often talks derogatorily about ‘hookers’, and claims to make use of them regularly. He would say that immigration was okay because it would bring him more women to date. The majority of women he interacts with are sex workers, and he often takes a paternalistic tone with them.